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aro-is-gay-af · 3 years

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The Midnight of Despair | Volturi Kings x fem!reader | Part 2

Part 1 | Part 3

I advise you to read it first, as this post is the continuation.

Yeah, there will be Part 3 for sure. As usual, sorry for gramatical confusion and/or any mistakes.

Love you all, thank you for 100 (!) notes under Part 1.

Warnings: Rape, Depression, PTSD, Swear words, Forced Pregnancy

Word count: 6768

Summary: [Y/N] and Bella are childhood friends. They were always there for each other. [Y/N] had tough times and struggles with everyday life. Bella faces depression after Edward had left her. [Y/N] tries to get her going and alive. One day [Y/N] is raped and gets pregnant with the rapist. Not long after that it turns out that Edward got himself into the mess with Volturi. [Y/N], even traumatized and in pieces, will not let Bella go without her supervision to Italy. What is going to happen when [Y/N] will stay at Volterra? Is she really predestined to be Kings’ mate? Is she going to have her baby or abort the pregnancy? Will the trauma go away or is she going to struggle for a long time?

ENJOY!

You tried not to break your eye contact with Aro, as it made you unusually calm and on place. As soon as you walked through the door to the throne room you felt almost like at home. You knew it would take some time to get used to the new place, especially a place like this, though, you didn't find it repulsive or frightening.

You sat down in the chair that Aro had pulled out for you. It was a little gesture but it made you a little less weirded out. Now, that you were alone with three kings, you were not as relaxed as you might have thought you’ll be, for your legs were trembling with exertion.

It wasn’t a surprise, though. You’ve barely eaten, been up on your feet since you got off the plane and through all day long, you were strongly convinced it was your last day on Earth. On top of this, you’ve just allowed Aro to touch your hand and then kiss it. You were certain that if it was for any other person, you wouldn’t be so willing to do so.

Aro took a seat opposite to you, whereas Marcus and Caius sat, probably, on their usual seats, not that far from you both. You were tired, but confident that some things needed to be established as soon as possible. You understood this perfectly. Also, even though Alice told you about basic things, you still were oblivious to most information.

“You have impressed me with your declaration” it was Caius who started the conversation. You looked directly at him.

“I’m not stupid, nor suicidal” you said, trying to remain as calm as possible. “At least, not anymore” you admitted, your upset tone impossible to miss. Caius tilted his head, eyeing you carefully.

“While on the plane, Alice told me briefly about basics,” you said. Seeing their stares, you rolled your eyes. “Yes, she also explained to me the laws. I knew this trip would’ve only two possible endings for me.”

Aro had known about this prior, but Marcus and Caius looked taken aback, to say at least.

“You knew you’d probably die and still came here?” it was Marcus who asked. It was a weird experience, even if you’d known him only for a few moments, to see such an authentic interest in his behaviour.

You nodded and smiled.

“Sure I did. Bella’s stupid ass didn’t give me another choice” you chuckled. Caius smiled again with that creepy smile, which he also had on his face while in the throne room.

“Stop that, brother” Aro scolded him lightly. “We don’t want to frighten [Y/N].”

Caius only rolled his eyes.

“You are familiar with the fact that I am as old as you, brother?” he asked Aro mockingly, sprawling comfortably in his chair. “There’s no need to scold me like I’m a child.”

Aro frowned.

“Yes, brother, I am certainly familiar with this. But nonetheless, you should be more gentle when it comes to [Y/N].”

Even though you’d been tired, somehow kings’ presence had risen your spirits. Also, it was quite funny to see them mock themselves like this.

“Can I say something?” you asked, visibly amused by their behaviour. You've relaxed a little and only then you felt how tired you really were.

“Of course, cara” said Marcus, who didn’t exactly talk much until now. All of them were looking at you, curious about what you wanted to say.

You smiled shyly, not being accustomed to receive so much attention at once.

“I don’t know if it’s normal but I’m not exactly…afraid of you? I guess I’m mostly curious. I wasn’t… concerned while we were heading here. Like, at all” you admitted, trying your best to find words, which would suit your emotions.

Three of them were listening very carefully, even Aro, who had already known your thoughts.

“Alice wasn’t trying to scare me, but I felt that she was extremely cautious when it came to your coven. Bella also was exaggerating with drama and I…” you immediately felt sick and couldn’t end the sentence. You were happy to maybe die? You were happy to have something to think about, other than rape? To think about something different than this unwanted child?

It was as they felt the change in your mood. You saw Aro wanted to touch you but restrained himself from doing so. Marcus’s expression was calm but you actually thought, he was being beyond emotional about this. And Caius…he looked genuinely concerned.

You smiled sadly, as none of them said anything.

“I’m not exactly aware of how this mating bond thing works, but that’s probably the reason” you said quietly, with insecurity so overwhelming that you couldn’t look at the kings anymore. Instead, you embraced your knees with yours arms and glanced at your feet resting on the edge of your chair.

You tried hard not to cry. You weren’t weak, you weren’t unstable. You were harmed in the most brutal way and you knew, it would take you a while to get out of this state of mind. Nevertheless, you didn’t want them to consider you weak or unworthy of their attention. Right now, they were the only ones you had in this world.

Your throat tightened and your lips trembled from the sob you denied yourself to make. One of them handed you a handkerchief, while making an effort not to touch you. You glanced up, as it turned out, at Marcus, who was holding the handkerchief in front of you.

“It is perfectly alright to cry, cara. You have no idea how many times I wished to shed at least one tear” he said, while you were wiping away yours. You believed him, of course. When you were in the throne room, at first Marcus looked completely lifeless and depressed. It changed after he spotted you, but you knew his behaviour didn’t come out of nowhere.

You’ve managed to calm yourself a little bit. After you regained your composure, Aro smiled gently at you, making you give him your full attention.

“My dear, we would be delighted to explain to you everything, but I can clearly see that you are extremely tired. So much has happened today, and the best way we can handle this, is when you are well rested. May I suggest coming back to the topic without any more delay, when you’ve had enough sleep?”

You smiled because of his intricate wording.

“Sure. Although, there’s no need for you to talk to me this way” you said amused, while also trying not to sound rude. The way Aro expressed his thoughts was extremely distinguished and you understood that this was part of his personality that he had acquired over three millennia.

Caius smiled to himself hearing your remark and Marcus didn't hide his amusement either. Even Aro seemed mildly entertained.

“Forgive me, cara mia” he said apologetically, mischievous tone of his voice never escaping your attention. “I am quite old by now” his remark made Caius laugh loudly. You laughed too.

“I don’t think your age matters in this case” you said, your spirits raised just a little bit.

***

After your brief conversation, it was Marcus who showed you to your room. Well, it wasn’t exactly a room, as you had all suite to yourself. As soon as you saw it, you decided that it was really too much, that a bed would suffice, but fell silent after Marcus explained, why you needed to be isolated from others.

You almost forgot they were vampires and you could die if you walked into the wrong one. You shared your concerns with Marcus, who was extremely amused to hear about them. Only the most trusted members of the guard knew of the whereabouts of your chamber. The lower ranks didn't even know that you were staying in the castle for an extended period of time.

Marcus assured that overnight the kings would consider, who would be the most qualified to become your personal guardian. You were a bit embarrassed, as you seemed to be creating quite a problem with your presence in the castle. Nonetheless, you thanked Marcus, making sure beforehand that you would definitely see the three of them, as soon as you got some sleep.

Your chamber was huge. You could’ve sworn it was twice the size of the house you owned in Forks. You had your own bathroom, walk-in-closet and even a small kitchenette with a fridge. The star of the room was the massive bed with a mattress so soft, you felt like you were lying on a cloud. Before you went to bed, you decided to have a bath, because it would be silly to sleep in such a bed while being dirty.

While searching for pyjamas, you realised there were not many clothes in the wardrobe. Could this have been a guest room? You concluded that it was very likely. Anyway, you had nothing against guest rooms which looked like this. You found a thin-strapped, ankle-length nightdress, in a fabric so pleasant that it was impossible to resist wearing it.

The bathroom was ridiculously large, with two sinks to the left of the entrance, a huge bathtub in the middle and a shower that was built into, what you assumed, was a marble wall. On the opposite side of the entrance there was a vanity, with all kinds of beauty products and perfumes. You also didn't expect the bathroom to be in bright colours, and yet, the walls and floor were white marble, whereas all other elements were golden. You didn't even want to think about the fact that indeed, you had real gold faucets to your exclusive use.

You continued to think about the fact that it seemed too much. The lavishness overwhelmed you and, at the same time, distracted you from unpleasant thoughts. The washing up part, as always, was difficult for you. You tried not to look in the mirror at all. Eventually, you decided you didn't have the energy to try a bath, so you went for a quick shower.

It wasn't until you were in the shower, before you truly felt tired. You doubted it was an evening, but you felt like you'd just done a double shift at the hospital. It felt wonderful to have your hair washed, only to cuddle up later in an incredibly soft towel.

While changing into your nightgown, you didn't even glance in the mirror. You were unable to look at your naked body in the reflection. You were afraid, even though the bruises and wounds had long been healed.

Climbing onto the bed, you tried not to think too much. You didn't want to think about what you were going to do with the baby. You didn't want to think about the fact that you would probably have to explain to Caius and Marcus, why you were pregnant in the first place. You also didn't want to think about Aro seeing those memories. You were glad that you could fall asleep and, at least for a little while, be relieved of the burden of reality.

***

“Alright. What is there that we need to discuss?” you asked, trying to focus. You were back in the study with the round table, except that there were many more papers and books on it than the day before.

It was the strangest morning of your life. According to what Aro told you, you slept for about fifteen hours. He was by your side when you woke up, but not in such manner as to startle you in any way. He came to ask how you were feeling and what you felt like eating for breakfast. You thought that with a kitchenette in your room you would be preparing your own meals. You were very much mistaken. When you said that you would like to eat scrambled eggs, Aro only smiled and told you to get dressed.

You didn't have time to ask what you were supposed to wear since the walk-in-closet was almost empty, but he had already disappeared. It turned out that you were wrong again. In those fifteen hours, someone had managed to restock your wardrobe at least halfway. You were too surprised to look at everything, but you had never seen such expensive and well-tailored clothes. You picked out the first pieces you were sure, you would feel comfortable in.

After a quick shower, you dressed up and when you came out of bathroom, Aro was already waiting for you. He brought you your meal and while you were eating, he would talk to you about things that were of minor importance. It was hard not to notice that he was in a great mood and you had to admit that you were sharing his optimism. He waited patiently for you to end your meal so that both of you could join Marcus and Caius in the study. If your human memory didn't fail you, a great number of issues had to be discussed.

You smiled, seeing so many papers and books on the wooden table. Caius and Marcus were sitting in the exact same places as yesterday.

“You should’ve wake me sooner, you know. I never sleep this much” you said, also sitting in the same place you were assigned the evening before. Aro sat in the chair on your right.

“You should sleep as long as you feel like it, dolcezza,” said Caius, focusing all his attention on you. You blushed a little. You weren’t used to being in the centre of attention. It didn't make you uncomfortable before, but after what happened... It was going to take some time before you could fully recover.

“Caius is right. You should get plenty of sleep, my dear. If there’s no need to wake you up, we simply will not do it,” said Aro, whose smile has not left his face even for a moment.

When Marcus had finished whatever he was doing, you could finally move on to the conversation between the four of you. You thought that Aro will lead the conversation but, apparently, you were really going to discuss this together.

“I gathered you were a nurse before. You also worked with Carlisle,” started Aro, getting straight to the point. You nodded your head in agreement.

“Yes. I worked on Paediatric Intensive Care Unit but hospital in Forks is so small that I usually ended up also helping Carlisle with many things” you admitted, trying to divide your attention between three of them. If you were to stay a human for a little while, you needed to work on that. It was rather problematic to look at them all at once.

“We became friends when Bella started seeing Edward, but then the whole moving out thing came up and right now, I don't really know if I know Carlisle as well as I thought I did,” you said, without a trace of regret in your voice. Aro knew very well that you had a grudge against the doctor. Sure, Edward had left Bella, but you were sure Carlisle would have at least told you about the promotion. Now you knew it wasn't about that at all, and yet the grudge continued.

Aro smiled lightly, but you saw a glint of sadness in his eye.

“After you transformation I will be pleased to invite here my old friend Carlisle along with his family. I hope everything will work out fine between the two of you” he said with hope in his voice. You had no idea that Carlisle new Aro to the extent that he called him an old friend. You promised yourself to talk about this with Aro while in private.

“I’m…a bit concerned about this, actually” you said anxiously. “I know I need to become a vampire one day, but…” You never ended the sentence. Were you afraid of pain? No, certainly not. However, you wanted to begin with knowing your mates just a little bit more. You wanted to know more about this world you were supposed to spend eternity in.

“It’s perfectly alright to be afraid, [Y/N]” said Marcus, leaning closer to you. You felt stupid and young.

“I don’t think I’m afraid. I’m only…uncertain, because I know close to nothing about your lifestyle and I’m not sure I’m quite ready to experience it,” you tried to explain, as best as you could. Aro was a little bit ahead of Caius and Marcus, as he saw at least parts of such thoughts in your mind. Caius was the one to answer you.

“It understandable, [Y/N]. While you’ll be spending time with us, we’re going to explain everything to you. One step at a time, as my dear brother said earlier. And tell me, how do you like your chambers?” he asked, clearly curious about your opinion. You smiled, but it was a shy one.

“I love it, really, but, as I asked Aro earlier, isn’t it too much?” you suggested, trying not to offend him. Aro and Marcus smiled softly, Caius snorted.

“Nonsense, cara. With us, you'll have the very best of all worlds” he assured you.

“In that case, thank you, all of it is truly wonderful, although I feel a little awkward.”

Again, all three just laughed, but it wasn’t impolite in one bit. Aro put a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“My dear, no need for you to fret about such things as money. The most important person to us is you and we will give you whatever you need” he assured you, still with that magnificent smile. You nodded shyly, not being able to say anything. You had only been with them in a room for a short while and you felt like you were drunk. The aura they exuded was irresistible. Simultaneously you wanted to be with each of them separately and with all of them altogether. It was not an affection, not yet, but this strange attraction did not allow itself to be forgotten easily. You yearned to be in the same room with them, just to be able to talk to them and look at each other constantly.

“I have… I have a house in Forks” you said, after a few minutes of silence.

“Would you like to sell your property?” asked Caius, raising an eyebrow. Aro was also intrigued. Marcus just continued to look at you, almost as he studied your face.

“I guess. I don't think I want to go back there again” you said quietly, recalling how many bad things happened there. You were no longer at ease, not even to mention amused. The kings, just as it happened the day before, felt the shift in your behaviour. “Ever” you emphasised, but it was only a whisper.

Bad memories deluged your thoughts. Your mother's illness and death. Your father's accident, then his death. Also, the most recent events. You swallowed hard, trying not to cry.

“I don’t want this house. I don’t want to come back to this godforsaken place ever again,” you said, wiping away a single tear with your fingers. You were ashamed, but you could not hold back the tears that followed. You did not deserve to go through all of this.

It was Marcus who spoke first.

“Cara, Aro told us nothing about your past, but I can assure you no one is going to hurt you here. You can be certain about this” he said gently, handing you a handkerchief. You accepted it gratefully, then began to quickly wipe away your tears.

“Marcus is absolutely right, [Y/N]. There is nothing in this world that we cannot protect you from. We will always be by your side. You won’t be in danger ever again” Caius assured you, while you were still trying to get these tears under control.

Aro seemed as if he wanted to lock you in an embrace and never let you go again, but he restrained himself. You knew it was because of your memories, because he saw what happened to you, and because he literally lived through it with you. You thought that probably the latter pushed you towards this decision. Who could know better what you’ve been through, than a person who knew about all things that happened during your life? You wanted a hug, desperately, and you already knew, you could trust Aro on this one.

Once he saw the permission in your eyes, you immediately found yourself in his arms. As usual, he was immensely gentle and affectionate, stroking your hair while not touching your skin, so as not to accidentally read your thoughts. You cuddled into him trustingly, not caring that he was cold. You had known him one day and he had managed to evoke more trust within you, than friends that you had known for years.

When the crying eased and you calmed down slightly, you rested your head on his shoulder. Again, just like yesterday in the throne room, you felt as if you had been home for a long time. They were your home, not some pile of stones and a roof.

“I’m sorry” you whispered, trying not to be ashamed. Aro stroked your hair again.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about, cara mia,” he assured you, with a gentle tone of his voice. You glanced at Marcus and Caius, but they only seemed at ease, as you finally were calm and not crying. Not a hint of jealousy. You didn't want Aro to let you out of his embrace and apparently he wasn't going to do anything of the sort either. You felt safe within his arms.

“Can you take care of ‘selling the house’ thing?” you asked, trying to remember what were you talking about before your emotional breakdown.

“Of course, [Y/N]. You could call Isabella later, to gather things you want to have here with you,” said Caius, exceptionally calm. Maybe his behaviour in the throne room was only an act? Or maybe he was being this way only because you were a mess and he didn’t want to upset you more than you already were.

“Yes, I’d like that, please” you said politely, wiping away the last of your tears with the handkerchief you got from Marcus.

“Are you ready to talk about the child, cara, or do you want to postpone it until some other time?” Aro asked you, trying to be as gentle with the word choice as possible. You hid your face in his jet black hair. It smelled of something you couldn't quite define, but it had a calming effect on you. You heaved a number of deep breaths. He gently caressed your shoulder.

“If you feel like sharing this, cara mia, please do. If you are unable to, do not force yourself” he advised, with so much sensitivity in his tone, that you wouldn’t expect from a man, yet alone from a vampire. It seemed that nor Caius, neither Marcus wanted to push you only to get this information.

You didn’t want to ponder about it for too long. It would definitely come to an end with you simply telling nothing at all. While you were not ready at all to talk about it, you needed to explain this somehow. You weren’t ready for any unexpected touch. You were adamant that current thing with Aro was caused by situation and your emotions. While the thought of Caius or Marcus touching you wasn’t downright awful, the idea of unexpected, unwelcomed touch made you twitch uncontrollably.

“As Aro was kind enough to mention…” started Marcus, probably to assure you no words were truly needed. You might, as well, have said it already. You didn't want anyone to accidentally touch you. You wanted to welcome the touch of your mates, just as you did with Aro a few minutes before. Being touched when you didn’t want would be catastrophic, not only for your mental health, but also for the stirring relationship with kings. It would have been worse than talking about rape itself out loud.

“I was raped a few weeks ago” you choked out, trying to make your voice sound as toneless and apathetic as possible. “I haven’t decided what to do with the… with it. Yet” you added, feeling stupid and extremely anxious. You wanted to get it over with, and at the same time you knew, it would have to be talked about at some point.

Nobody said anything. They probably waited for more words, maybe more emotions. You weren’t tense or embarrassed in front of them. Although, the uncertainty, of what were their thoughts on the topic, was a little bit intimidating. As minutes passed and you were saying nothing, Caius spoke up.

“Do you want us to kill him?” he asked, sweeping you off your feet with the question. You stared at him with amazement, completely forgetting about Aro embracing you. Your gaze didn’t discourage Caius a one bit. “Maybe some tortures first? What do you say, brothers?” he asked Aro and Marcus, his eyes remaining on you.

“Could you really do that?” you asked, before Aro or Marcus could answer. Caius started laughing out loud. There was something terrifying and, yet, incomprehensibly appealing about it. He leaned towards you.

“We would burn the whole world for you,” he whispered perilously. “If you want him to suffer, to be terrified, just as you were, say the word” he clarified, with a nasty smirk on his face. “We’ll make his last hours on Earth a living hell.”

Caius had something dangerous within himself. Something primal. He wasn’t so self-composed as Aro and as insular as Marcus. He was violent, fierce, vicious. It should scare you away from him. Only it didn’t. You believed every word he said and wanted it done. Why this little man should live his life peacefully, when you were traumatised and pregnant with a child you didn’t want in a first place?

“Revenge isn’t going to make you feel better” Aro whispered warningly into your ear, but still with calm and gentle voice.

“Yeah, I know that” you said to Aro, while still staring into Caius’s eyes. His also were crimson, but with lighter shade than Aro’s. You weren’t anxious anymore, nor were you in emotional breakdown. “But women he wants to rape will feel better if he doesn’t” you said, smiling almost as darkly as Caius. You got the feeling that you two were going to get along pretty well. Caius leaned back into his chair.

“Fantastic. We’ll talk about it more in following weeks, dear” he said, obviously pleased with the outcome of the conversation.

“Regardless if you keep the child, you’re going to be one of us” reminded Aro, to change the subject. When he mentioned transformation, you were far more conscious than few moments before. You tried not to be pessimistic about the change. You knew questions needed to be asked, but you had plenty of time to ask about anything you wanted and exactly three most experienced vampires in the world to answer them.

“We established it before, Aro” said Marcus for the first time in a while. You gathered that he wasn’t the talkative one here. You disentangled yourself from Aro's embrace and returned to your chair. Enough touching for today. However, you were sure that the sense of safety and comfort that he provided you with, would remain with you for a long time.

“I’m not able to tell you now if I want to keep the child” you said with confidence. “Anyway, I need to know what will happen, whether I decide to terminate the pregnancy or not.”

You were looking directly at Aro. You knew he had the final word here. You had a feeling how it’ll end, but you wanted to hear it anyway and have it straightforward. Aro sighed softly and smiled warmly after.

“If you’d like to keep the child, you’re going to give birth to it and when it’ll be grown up enough, it’ll become one of us” he said, his gaze extremely soft.

“Okay” you agreed. “And what if I’m not going to keep the child?” you asked, because it was the more probable occurrence. Aro saw it within your thoughts and you weren’t going to act like it wasn’t the choice you were closer to opt for. His smile remained gentle and warm, his eyes calm and soft on yours.

“The things that need to be done, are going to be done” he said, and you were extremely grateful that he didn’t use the ‘abortion’ word. You were too emotionally unstable to talk about it so straightforward. “We are going to know each other a little bit more. You’ll also meet our most trustful guards to feel safe. When you’ll be ready, one of us will change you” he explained, as simple as he could. You smiled at him a little sadly.

“Alright. Do I have any time limitations?” you asked curiously, throwing a quick glance at Caius and Marcus.

“No, dolcezza. You can take as much time as you want. You’re finally with us. That’s what truly matters to us” he reassured you. He was neither angry nor upset with the thought of you postponing transformation till the child is being born.

“One step at a time” he said cheerfully and smiled. You also smiled. It was almost impossible not to. “Cara mia, you’re so pretty when you smile. I hope you’ll be able to do that more and more here” this sentence made you blush. All three of them laughed, which made you blush even more.

“Thank you” you whispered, but it was a little unsure and hesitant. You saw concern on their faces.

“May I ask you one more question?” this time it was Marcus who asked.

“Yeah, go ahead.”

“Have you checked how far along are you? You’ve told us that maybe you’ll want to terminate the pregnancy, but my concern is about your health and how your body is going to catch up with the decision of yours, regardless what it’ll be” he said, very politely, trying not to offend you. You appreciated that dearly.

Marcus did ask very good question, though. You had no idea how far along you were. It was at least three months since it happened, so your first trimester should be over very soon.

“I don’t know. I haven’t checked. I couldn’t find the courage to do so. The only thing the doctor did, was to confirm the pregnancy” you answered, trying hard to remember if something else was being said.

“We should probably call the doctor, then” said Marcus, concern noticeable in his voice. Aro and Caius agreed with him, so did you.

“So, do I have my own cook at my disposal?” you asked to change the subject and relieve tension a bit. Enough of difficult subjects for today.

“Ah, yes, my dear, of course!” said Aro with extreme enthusiasm. “I hope you enjoyed your breakfast today. If something isn’t the way you want it, tell any of us right away.”

“Oh, yes, I did! Hey, and I told you that already!” you said, quite amused. “Am I not supposed to be the one, who forgets?” you asked, laughing.

Caius laughed most loudly, clearly amused by what you’ve just said. Aro smiled, watching you being in better mood, than before. Marcus was just Marcus, but he also smiled.

You spent the rest of the day with the kings, talking about many important and less important things. Mostly, you talked about the matter of selling your house, the things you will want to have with you in the castle, the fact that you should give up your job and your personal guard. The latter has been the cause of endless discussion. Later that evening, Aro decided that Renata, his personal guard, would be temporarily assigned to you.

You wanted to argue but there was literally no point in it. You knew that for the time you were still human, you had to have some sort of guard, because you couldn't even handle half a vampire on your own. You weren't tired at all, so after eating dinner you spent time with Caius and Marcus, trying to figure out what you could do together to get to know each other better. Unfortunately, Aro was obliged to attend to some important business, but in this case, you had already established some kind of a bond with him.

Caius and Marcus deeply respected your wish not to touch you in any way. You visited the library and were sure you had simply fallen in love. Sadly, most of the books were written in languages the existence of which you were previously unaware. Marcus was more than happy to offer you to study with him. To begin with, learning Italian. You had not yet discovered what Caius liked to do, but you were sure you would soon find out.

When they too had to attend to important matters, they escorted you to your room, and you decided it would be a good idea to call Bella. Not just about the house, but generally to let her know you were alive. When you’ve finally reached her, you both couldn’t shut up.

“Hi, sister!” you squeaked, overly excited. You heard her laugh.

“Hi! Are you fine, [Y/N]? I was starting to worry, the only thing that kept me from calling you was Alice,” she said and you laughed.

“Hi [Y/N]!” you heard Alice in the background. You threw yourself on the bed, so that you could lie on your stomach. You hugged your pillow and made yourself comfortable.

“Hi Alice!” you greeted her, smiling to yourself like a mad person, who you probably were, given the circumstances. “I’m happy to hear you, Bella, seriously. Are you at Cullen’s place?” you asked curious, as where Alice came from.

“Yeah, exactly. We were all worried here, you know” she admitted, you heard how anxious she was. You couldn’t help it but laughed.

“Well, how could you leave me in the lion's den like that” you joked and heard someone’s laugh.

“She’s fun. I need to meet her” you heard again and also laughed.

“This will probably happen sooner rather than later,” you answer to this mystery someone with confidence. Bella’s side fell silent. “But, you know, I guess I’m okay. I had fifteen hours of sleep today and the best scrambled eggs in my entire life” you admitted cheerfully, thinking about you waking up and eating your breakfast in Aro’s presence. You smiled widely. You heard someone talking in the background, but you had no idea what was this all about.

“That’s good because I was worried sick when we got out of that room” Bella admitted, trying to sound not too worried, though.

“It’s better than fine, you know. And how are you? You seriously were as white as a sheet while in throne room” you said and this was your turn to be worried about Bella again. “Hey, and I hope this asshole isn’t going to leave you again. My threat is in force,” you said in a threatening tone, knowing that Edward could definitely hear it. You heard the same laugh as before plus Bella’s laugh.

“I’m sure he’ll not be doing it again. Carlisle has already scolded him decently.”

Your heart ached a little after hearing Carlisle’s name. You thought he was your friend, or maybe it was beginning of friendship, and now you had no idea what to think about it at all.

“Good. How are you, Bells?” you asked again, hugging your pillow tightly.

“I’m okay, really, [Y/N]. No need to worry about me.”

Of course you were going to worry about her. She was just like a little sister to you. No way you’d stop worrying. Suddenly, you remembered what happened in the throne room and became seriously concerned.

“Have you set a date?” you asked, and again, the other side fell silent. This time completely. You sighed heavily. “I’m not a spy, you know, but I’m worried about you. We will need to talk about all of this. I get why didn’t you tell me, but, seriously Bella, your self-preservation instinct does not exist,” you scolded her, just a little. You had a feeling that she gave no fucks, no matter what anyone could say about this situation.

“Says the “I’m staying here, Bella” person” she gritted out with sarcasm. You rolled your eyes.

“One, they wouldn’t let me leave. Two, you were in danger and I was alright with sacrificing myself to save you. Three…” this time you fell silent, realising something important. “…I wouldn’t go. I’m not able to. This bond, whatever it is, it’s strong shit. You probably now it, as you have this with Edward. I have got it triple.”

After really long moment of complete silence, Bella spoke up.

“Why would you sacrifice yourself for me?” she asked, her question as heavy as storm clouds. You sighed.

“Because I’ve got nothing to live for, ya know? I was prepared that I wouldn’t get out alive,” you admitted with sad voice, but it was downright true.

“You’re pregnant, [Y/N]” she said, like it was something, which could immediately improve your well-being and quality of life. You felt like throwing up.

“Yeah. I’m pregnant with the child I don’t want, with a man I’ve never met, who forced himself on me and made my life more miserable than it already was. I should probably send him a card or something because, guess what, I’ve never considered that my life is going to be more crappy than it already was after my parents’ death.”

When you ended the sentence and no one said anything, you just sighed heavily.

“You’ve got the date set?” you asked again, merely curious about this and to change the topic.

“Not yet” she said, her voice sad and full of emotions.

“Then do it. They’re patient, to some extent, but don't tempt fate. I don’t want to attend yet another funeral,” you said bitterly, trying not to think at all.

“How can you be so calm about all of this?” Bella snapped suddenly, making you shift uncomfortably on bed.

“And how you can be so calm? How was this your fucking plan from the very beginning? Once again, I try to understand you, while not understanding you at all” you snapped too, tired of any games. Before she could answer, you continued:

“I’m not coming back. I wanted to ask you if you could go to my house and get some things, I can make you a list if it’s going to be easier.”

You thought telling her this right away would be better than if she wasn’t aware for weeks or months.

“What?! Why aren’t you coming back?” she asked with raised voice. You wanted to shout and scream but you didn’t. It was too much for one day.

“Because I’ve got nothing to come back to. You’re going to be a vampire anyway, so I’ll see you in some time. I’m selling the house and I want to leave the past exactly where it belongs” you explained, trying not to yell. The hormone fluctuations didn't make it easy for you at all.

Another silence. You were tired of all of this.

“Can you do this for me, Bella? Because if you can’t, I’m sure…”

She didn’t let you finish.

“Of course I’ll do it for you. Can we talk tomorrow about the details?” she asked, her voice calmed a bit.

“Yeah, sure. It’s well after midnight here anyway, so I should probably go to sleep. I’ve got doctor’s appointment tomorrow in the afternoon” you said, trying to sound casually. Last thing you needed now was to argue about anything with Bella.

“Okay, so, call me tomorrow?” she asked. “And be safe.”

“You too, Bells. Take care. I love you, sis” you said, trying to stop the forthcoming tears.

“I love you too, [Y/N].”

Long after this phone call, you couldn’t get yourself to sleep. You tried bath this time, but it was mostly useless. At least, you were clean. First time after the rape, you decided to touch your belly on purpose. It began to curve gently, and, apart from that, you still felt pain and pressure in your breasts. You put on a nightdress and went to bed, this time actually trying to get some sleep. You also tried not to think too much about what the future would bring.

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secretobsessionstuff · 3 years

Note

the one recent anon about gentle caretaking is so so right, can you actually write something with that as a prompt for micah and alexi? both holding by the waist while the sickee is sick in the sink AND then by the forehead when it gets too intense in front of the toilet again. no scat please

I love this prompt so much and I had so much writing it! I hope you love it!! Thank you to the other anon who got this prompt started ❤

-----------------------------

When Alexi went to bed at midnight, he was surprised to find the light on in the bedroom.

He had been looking forward to pulling Micah’s sleeping body closer to him as he himself fell asleep. Most nights he came to bed much later than Micah. It was their ritual. Alexi would wrap his arms around his boyfriend and fit himself perfectly into place. Half-awoken by the motion, Micah would make the cutest sound upon realizing that he was once again safe in the arms of someone who loved him.

Alexi was unusually eager for tonight’s ritual because he hardly saw his boyfriend all day. Micah was working on his manuscript non-stop to meet the upcoming deadline. The tight schedule meant that he needed to be alone. The boy was writing like he was running out of time…because he was. It was a particular exhausting stage in the process because his editor covered the document in red writing. As far as Micah was concerned, the red markups were nothing but blood—blood that marked the death of his favourite irrelevant scenes, the cleverest yet confusing lines, and the fun yet unnecessary side characters. Yes, killing your darlings is a taxing process that took all of Micah’s time and energy, and as Alexi would discover, his health.

There might as well have been an invisible Do Not Disturb sign on the bedroom door. The unyielding typing from inside the room also served as a reminder for Alexi that he couldn’t demand attention whenever he wanted it. He couldn’t just walk in and smother Micah in kisses until he did something with him. Now bedtime was Alexi’s only chance to be with Micah when he wasn’t distracted.

But the opening sentence still remains: the light was on in the bedroom.

Alexi stood confused on the other side of the door. This didn’t look like bedtime. Not hearing any typing from inside the room, he walked in to find that it looked a little bit more like bedtime. Micah was asleep, but at his desk. He wasn’t nicely tucked into bed. His head was resting on the desk next to his laptop. The screen was black.

“Micah? Alexi said quietly as he came over to his boyfriend. He clicked the space bar on the keyboard, making the screen come to life. So much red.

Micah never fully turned off the computer before falling asleep. His own sleep looked just as shallow as the computer’s. His back rose and fell sharply, and his breathing matched. He didn’t look restful at all.

“Micah, wake up, mon amour.” Alexi shook his boyfriend awake who shot up from the desk. Alexi was quick to grab hold of his shoulders. “Easy, you’re okay. You fell asleep while working.”

Micah squinted and put a hand up to the side of his head. His neck hurt from the awkward way in which he passed out. “What time is it?”

“Midnight…you never went to bed. Are you alright?” Alexi didn’t like the dazed look on his boyfriend’s face. His eyes were glassy and bloodshot, like they reflected what was on the computer screen.

“I wanted to finish the chapter,” Micah said while sinking back into the chair. His gaze sluggishly travelled to the screen. The late hour and the unfinished work made him groan and put his head in his hands. Like a slow-moving landslide, Micah dragged his hands down his face, rubbing his eyes deeply. It only irritated his already blotchy skin.

Alexi watched his over-worked boyfriend curiously. There was something romantic about a dishevelled writer. But this romanticized version did not belong on Micah. Alexi didn’t want a melancholic, candle-lit boyfriend who captured the essence of dark academia. He just wanted a boyfriend who slept well and who took care of himself.

The boy before him was not well. Alexi knew this even before touching Micah’s forehead. He knew it while he lightly traced his fingers over Micah’s cheek. He knew it for certain when he lifted Micah’s face with a hand under his chin. Micah’s laptop wasn’t the only thing overheating.

The boy’s eyelids drooped, forcing Alexi to crane his neck to make eye-contact. “Love, you need to go to bed. You’re burning up.”

“But I told Shannon I would have these chapters done by tonight.”

“Well Shannon is going to have to wait, isn’t she?” Alexi said as he grabbed Micah’s hands to help him up from the chair. Alexi quickly found himself supporting much of his weight as Micah’s head came crashing down onto Alexi’s chest. The boy let out a low moan. “I’ve got you. Are you still okay?”

“…’M dizzy.” Either Micah was having a stroke or was too tired to speak because the words came out in cursive. “…don’t feelgood.”

Micah proved his point (not that it needed more proof) by vomiting on the floor between their feet. The only reason he didn’t fall forward was that Alexi held onto his shoulders as he heaved.

“Oh gosh,” Alexi muttered under his breath. “Oh, you’re really sick, but that’s okay.” He said it so quietly that Micah wouldn’t even have heard it. He was telling himself that everything was okay.

Thankfully, Micah didn’t immediately heave up everything in his belly. The countless cups of coffee and handfuls of crackers were still nauseatingly churning in his gut. This gave him the chance to breathe and moan in pain.

He lifted his head slowly, making his tearful eyes look like pleading puppy-dog eyes. After wiping his mouth with his sleeve, he spoke with a voice so thickened by illness. “…my stomach hurts.”

Alexi allowed himself a second to feel broken-hearted by his boyfriend’s pain. Then that second was over, and he had to ease that pain just a little. “I would never have guessed it. Now, come on.”

The small intermission gave Alexi the chance to practically drag Micah to the bathroom. He could tell it wasn’t over by the way Micah kept a hand over his mouth. At least the toilet would be a better place to throw up than on the floor.

But Micah’s belly had other ideas. His sick and stubborn stomach couldn’t wait the two seconds that it would take to reach the toilet. As soon as Alexi got him to the bathroom, Micah made a sharp turn for the sink.

This round was much more productive than the last. A torrent of bitter black coffee and whatever other snacks Micah had for dinner filled the sink rather quick. Even the sight of it made Micah heave again.

As he continued to vomit, his vision blurred and blackened around the edges. Seeing the contents of his stomach was no longer the problem. The new problem was being unable to stand.

Alexi noticed the way his boyfriend leaned heavily on the counter and the way his legs wanted to give out. He switched from rubbing Micah’s back to holding him at the waist to keep him steady. It was oddly close to how he pulled Micah into his arms for their nightly ritual. This was not how he envision the night going.

“Don’t worry about holding yourself up, Micah,” Alexi said while spotting the white-knuckle grip that his boyfriend had on the edge of the sink. “I won’t let you go. I’m not leaving.”

Micah loosened his grip ever so slightly. He leaned back further against the body that kept him up.

After a few minutes of this, Alexi was startled by a change in sound. The heaving seemed to shift into choked sobs, each retch ending with a guttural moan. Eventually, Micah was left panting over the sink with saliva dripping from his lips. Actual sobs made his whole body shake. He tried not to look at himself in the mirror because he knew a dark-eyed stranger would stare back at him.

“Micah, are you…okay? Are you done?”

Micah shook his head to say no, shaking loose strings of bile that hung from his mouth. “I don’t want to do this anymore…I’m so tired, Lexi.”

Micah was tired. Tired of the stress he put upon himself. Tired of thinking that his worth came solely from his writing. He was tired of holding himself up when all he wanted was to let someone else carry the burden for a while. Alexi was so good to him. He carried the physical burden, that was Micah himself, so well. It was well past midnight now. Decades seemingly have gone by while Micah’s body broke down from the fatigue. Alexi knew that he was tired from heaving his guts up, but he was more than just physically tired. Unfortunately, Micah didn’t have the strength to tell him about the other kind. Fortunately he didn't have to.

“I know. I know, it’s exhausting.” Starting with his hands on Micah’s waist, Alexi gently trailed his fingers up the boy’s back. He felt as if there were a barrier between him and Micah. He couldn’t get as close as he wanted. All the gentle touches in the world couldn’t take away the pain. Still, Alexi didn’t take his hands away from his boyfriend, hoping that he was providing some comfort.

He also knew that touch was not the only way to offer comfort. “I know it’s exhausting to feel like you need to finish this project so that your life will have meaning. I see you everyday, working so hard to make your dreams come true. It’s tiring to do what you do. But you should know that taking a break does not mean that you’re giving up. You’re tired, I know, so sit down for a moment and lean on me.”

Micah listened. He exhaled slowly, letting the tension go from his shoulders. He let Alexi lower him to the ground, where they both sat in front of the toilet. Micah wanted to say so much, but…

He was breathing hard again. Alexi eased the pain in his mind, but the pain in his belly persisted. There was one last round before relief.

Micah’s head was heavy. Heavy with worries and pain. It was a struggle to hold his head up while another weak wave of watery vomit fell from his mouth.

Every muscle in his body wanted to betray him. His neck almost let go, but then something stopped his head from falling towards his chest. It was Alexi’s hand on his brow.

“Ugh…thank you,” Micah said breathlessly in between gags.

“I told you, I’m not leaving.” Alexi kept one hand on the boy’s forehead and the other on his back. “I’ve got you.”

And so, Micah’s stomach finally calmed down after his over-worked and under-fed body decided that was enough punishment for the mistreatment. An event like this certainly wouldn’t happen again because Alexi was going to make sure that Micah got enough sleep, and proper food, and down-time.

“Are you done?”

“Yes,” Micah said with a hint of a smile. He was already falling backwards into Alexi’s embrace.

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franeridart · 4 years

Text

Anon said: Are you still into krbk? I noticed you haven't draw them a lot recently (I don't mean to pressure you, I was just wondering)

I still very much am!!! but a convergence of unrelated happenings (my focus being unusually scattered, lack of general motivation, them not having interacted much in the manga lately, my having pulled out of the fandom a little for a bunch of reasons, having gotten into a lot of new things I want to make a lot of stuff for ??) had my output of stuff for them/inspiration related to them die down a lot ): I miss them though, I should fill a page with doodles of them one of these days... well, I haven’t drawn much in genereal lately, so maybe let’s start first with fixing that haha

Anon said: Fun Fact : In smash bros ultimate there are spirits with octopath traveler and they're in pairs and guess what ? Alfyn and Therion are together :3

I KNOW!!!!!! It makes me so emo I’m a bundle of feelings they’re soulmates I tell youuuuuuuuuuu ;;A;; (little inconsequential things making me a mess, what’s new xD) - another fun fact is that h’aanit and ophilia share one too!! and I ship them too!! and cyrus and tressa share one as well, and they’re my brother’s mains in his save! A series of delightful little coincidences haha

Anon said: Will you be drawing more Jujutsu Kaisen? I love your art sm and I would love to see more!!!!

Right now I feel like I want to spend the next ten years drawing these kids, so I sure hope so! But as I said my focus has been very scattered for the past three or so months, so I can’t promise anything ): let’s both enjoy it while it lasts haha

Anon said: You are my emotional support artist. I check back every once and a while and BOOM. Serotonin.

You’re too kind!!!! But thank you, I’m glad I can make you feel better! :D

Anon said: i'm super new to your art (and mha) and i just wanted to say your krbk stuff is just !!!!!!! it makes me so happy and makes my poor jaded heart feel something and it's just all around incredible!!!

Thank you so much!!!!!!!!!! I’m glad you like my way of portraying the kids!!!!

Anon said: I’m about to cry I’ve spent an hour looking though your bnha tag for that lil comic where Kiri hugs Baku and. It. Sent. Me. Back. To. The. Top. I didn’t even get to finish reading it. I’m so upset. So. So. So. Upset.

(same) Anon said: OH MY GOSH IT KEEPS SENDING ME TO THE TOO I HATE MOBILE AND LOVE YOU I LVOE YOU BUT THIS WEBSITE IS K I L L I N G ME I JIST WANNA SEE WHAT HAPPENS AS KIRI ATTEMPTS TO HUG BAKUGOU BUT NOOOO, AN HOUR OF MY TIME ISNT ENOUGH SAYS THE TIME STEALER

(samesame) Anon said: I. Found the hug thing. On Pinterest. In. Five. Seconds. I hate life but also it was really cute. Thank you but seriously I hate this website

The saga hahaha sorry anon I couldn’t get to you before you went out of your mind trying to find it, I got the asks in the middle of the night! Glad you could find it, though I’m kinda sad you had to look on pinterest for it (...sad it is on pinterest at all tbh) here it is anyway, if this is the one you were talking about! you really went back in the years for this one huh

Anon said: So for that thing that you made a w h i l e ago where Bakugou ruffles Kirishima’s hair, right? So I imagine Kiri is like w h a t and calls over Mina or Denki or Sero or all of them or something like that and tells them and is freaking out and they’re like “he wasn’t in the right mindset, you know he sleeps at 8:32” and make a joke out of it as Kiri is freaking out. And Kiri is freaking out soooo much as they are crying laughing on the floor at Bakugou’s sleeping schedule.

hahaha I’m sure he must have freaked out on them at some point after that, and bakugou must have done the same (probably with jirou, less likely but more hilarious with todoroki or tokoyami haha) - though, the original idea came from a bigger one where the scene in the comic didn’t bring them anywhere closer to getting together (or figuring out they’re into each other, for the matter lmao idiots) maybe one day I’ll get back on that >:]

Anon said: In your comments, you said “at this point my hands will never forget” and I had a nozaki-kun memory float into my head, imagining him sick and trying to make his deadline xD yes muscle memory

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! anon you have no idea how often I think about that hahaha yes, I say my hands won’t forget but we all know that’s exactly how it’ll end at some point lol

Anon said: dang this happens all the time like I follow someone for their bnha content and then like two months after following them I find out they used to make yowapeda content and im just sitting their like dang thats wild because bnha and yowapeda are like the only two animes I watch

ANON!!!! HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Always so nice to find other ywpd fans!!!!!!!! Sorry I’m not making art for it anymore (for now) but despite my sister insisting I read the manga already I’ve been putting it off......for years lol but it’s on my reading list!! So maybe I’ll get back on it at some point!

Anon said: FRAN!!!!!! i love ur art so much and im trying to buy ur products on redbubble and i geniunely cant decide what to get!!!!! i tired asking my friend but she doesnt know which one either hahahahhahah ig i just wanted to send this because i really appreciate u and u are very talented. im sending u lots of high vibrations and love❤️🧡

THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!! It means so much to me that you guys are still buying my stuff (TTATT) I should...........seriously update it..........gomen m(._.)m

Anon said:YES YES YEEES MORE ALFYON ON THE WAYYYYYY 💖💖💖💖💖 They're both the cutest really their ship is the beeest Try reading some the alfyon fanfics if you have some time, they're really good ! The one i really recommend you is Crismonberries, blackberries by court_court on Ao3 !Your art is the best ever can't wait to see more octopath !!💖💖💖

Anon thank you SO MUCH for suggesting that fic to me I!!!!!!!!!!!! loved it so much I deep-dived into it and spent two straight days reading it it’s such a gem!!!!! ;;; bless you

Anon said: Have you watched Fullmetal Alchemist?

Hell yeah! Only Brotherhood though. I read the manga too tho!!

Anon said: Have you read Noragami? It’s one of my favourite manga, and the anime isn’t half bad either (still waiting for s3 tho lol) anyway it’s really good, concept-wise it’s similar to Soul Eater, I totally recommend

I watched the first season back when it aired! It’s not really my thing though ): feels a bit sad in that very specific way that always ends up just making me miserable as I keep reading............................... sorry

Anon said: I will never not be in love with your art. Everytime I'm feeling down and/or missing the boys I scroll through your krbk tag and it reminds me exactly of why I love them so much and I'm so thankful for that. Your brand of krbks is the one I love the most and honestly thank you so much for all your marvelous art of them and of other things as well because you art is just so pretty and I love seeing your ocs and other fandom art 💕💕💕

Anon I love you......................... ;;;;; thank you so much, you have no idea how much this means to me (oTT^TT)o<3

#fran answers #long post #chatter chatter chatter #you guys are always so nice to me man #every time i write out one of these posts i'm overwhelmed by just how much love piles up in my inbox #sob #love you all

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gemma-lemma · 3 years

Text

Flaming Hearts - A Nalu Fanfiction

Chapter One

“Yes, yes, exactly like that, Miss Lucy. Perfect!” The photographer cheered, changing his own position with every picture he took. Lucy was currently in a studio, white linen behind her and giant lights in front of her to cast the perfect scenery for the beautiful dress she was displaying: a dark red one, that was bound in a chokehold around her neck and had a high slit on each thigh. She wore high heels in the exact same shade of red and translucent white gloves that reached up to her upper arms, but no jewellery. The photographer had decided that Lucy’s own beauty was already splendid enough. She had just giggled and told him to stop making her blush.

“And now put a hand on your hip! Pout! Smile! Squat down! Perfect, Miss Lucy. You are fantastic!”

She might have looked good, but Lucy still felt like she was a mannequin in a showcase. She didn’t really like the photo shootings for all the magazines, though she enjoyed wearing the new dresses. She would much rather have met her friends for a cup of tea or simply read a book today, since it was Sunday, but her father had insisted on her to go. He said it was good for publicity, and Lucy knew that every time he spoke of publicity any fight from her side was useless.

Jude Heartfilia was a businessman, after all. As the head of the great Heartfilia Konzern, a company that produced and distributed all kinds of chemical products, from medicine over skin care to make up, he had little time for his family, which in this place consisted of just Lucy. Her mother had died years before, and Lucy just couldn’t shake the feeling that her death was part of the reason why her father avoided her company so much and would rather work every waking minute. After all, she looked exactly like her mother Layla. Same big brown eyes, glowing blonde hair, curvy figure. It was genetics, really, though Lucy made sure to support those lucky genes with a healthy diet and lots of exercise.

»One last dress, Miss Lucy. We’re almost done.” The photographer announced and she went back to her room to get changed. That was part of the deal they had made. Lucy stood model for the dresses, but she would still get her privacy while getting changed. She had never liked to get changed in front of others, not even the maids who would help her into the complicated dresses for her father’s parties, so it was a relief that she could do it by herself here.

The new dress was of a light rosé colour, with a heart shaped décolleté and reaching down to her shins. The bodice was tight around her chest until her waist, and changed then to a flowing skirt embroidered with beautiful flowers and butterflies. It was more comfortable than the red one, though the high heeled sandals that came with it were anything but that.

“I’m ready.” She called, and a girl entered to change her make up from the darker tones for the red dress to lighter ones that suited the light one. She also changed her hair into a half-up-half-down style and curled the flowing locks with a curling iron.

“Here you go, beautiful as always.” The girl smiled, and Lucy smiled back. The last dress took the longest to photograph, probably because it suited her the best, much to her dismay. She had been sick of modelling already when they were only at the second dress.

When the shooting was finally over, and Lucy had changed back into her own black shirt and red skirt, combined with a pair of black over knees and a red purse, the photographer held her up one last time, shaking her hand enthusiastically.

“Thank you so much for coming today, Miss Lucy. I’m really looking forward to the article The Sorcerer Weekly will write. Hopefully, we will have once again the pleasure of working together!” He chattered cheerfully, but even though Lucy gave him a nod and a polite smile, she couldn’t share his enthusiasm. The Sorcerer Weekly might have been a big number regarding celebrities and business people, but when it came to women their portraits were rather sexist. They wrote about their skin care routines or what their secrets for their perfect bodies were, which wasn’t a wrong thing to do, but still quite annoying when it was the only thing they wrote about women when at the same time they asked men about the secrets to their success or what they would recommend young businesspeople to boost their own businesses.

Photoshoots like that always drained her and she couldn’t quite comprehend what could be so interesting about her showing off dresses she would never wear again. She had a great body, so what? So had countless other women. It wasn’t even an achievement, just lucky genetics. That was what she disliked the most, wasn’t it? Everyone cared for her beauty and her seemingly perfect body, but nobody really acknowledged her brains. Lucy was smart. She loved to read, and she studied astronomy for fun alongside physics and chemistry, which she needed to take over the company one day. Many of her teachers had said that her intelligence was way above the average, and she quite prided herself in that. It bothered her that all those magazines and talk shows only cared about her looks and whether she had already found a husband or not. She wasn’t even looking for a husband, and would much rather spend another few years realizing herself, but she was well aware of her role as an idol. And she didn’t like the fact that all those young girls only ever got to see her beauty, but never once heard a word of her intelligence. She would love to show them how important it was to cultivate one’s intellect or to care about one’s grades rather than their looks.

“Miss Lucy, are you ready to leave?” The driver asked politely, shaking Lucy out of her thoughts. She hadn’t even realized that she was already standing by the edge of the street, in front of the car door he held open for her. She nodded and gave him a small smile, before she entered.

Once the car started, she decided to check her phone, feeling a little lighter at the sight of the messages her friends had sent during her shooting in their group chat Fairy Tail. She didn’t even remember how they had found such a strange name, but she didn’t really mind. It sounded funny, and thoughtless, and so unlike everything else in her life.

Levy: sent a picture

Levy: Hey Ladies, what do you think of that? It’s a party thrown by Sting Eucliffe, this super-hot singer I was telling you about. It’s this weekend, and the perfect opportunity for a girl’s night out.

Upon further inspection the picture Levy had sent was, in fact, a flyer, held in silver, blue and purple tones and with a picture of Sting Eucliffe himself up front, showing a wide smile and finger guns. On it there were written his name, the date, and the location.

Juvia: Yes! I’d love to come! I even heard he’s single!

Erza: Isn’t that that blonde twink who only recently left Sabertooth to become a solo artist? What a snob.

Levy: Yes, exactly. Except, he’s not a twink, Erza! He sings really good, and not even you can deny that he’s good-looking.

Juvia: He has a voice like an angel, you uncultured strawberry!

Lucy let out a chuckle before replying. The bickering of her friends always eased her tight nerves a bit.

Lucy: I’d love to come, but I’m afraid my father won’t let me… He doesn’t like such events.

Erza: Then we’ll sneak you out, like we did before.

Levy: Of course! We can’t go without you, Lu!

Juvia: And we’ll dress you up again, so that nobody recognizes you. You still got the wig, don’t you?

Lucy: Of course I still got the wig, you guys gifted it to me. I would never throw that away!

Levy: Naww, you’re so cute!

Lucy: But do you think that will be enough to hide me from the paparazzi?

Erza: Of course, and if anything happens, we will cover for you to run away.

Juvia: Yes!

Lucy: Thanks, guys! This means the world to me!

Smiling, she put her phone away. They were already driving up the lane that led to her estate.

When the car halted, a maid was already there to open the car door for Lucy, and she gave her a gratuitous smile, before climbing up the steps to where another maid, Leto, was waiting.

“Welcome home, Miss Lucy. How was your photoshoot?” She smiled politely and made a small bow.

“I’m glad to see you too, Leto. The photoshoot was alright, I guess. The photographer was very enthusiastic.” Lucy answered with just the same polite smile, though it seemed a little tired.

“Aren’t they always?” Leto said warmly, and Lucy nodded in agreement. They were, and she wasn’t sure if it was because of her name or if they acted like this around any kind of celebrity.

“Seems so.”

“Mr Heartfilia is in his study. He wanted you to join him there as soon as you came back from your photoshoot.”

“Did he say why?” Lucy sighed, mentally already preparing for the uncomfortable encounter. It was almost noon, and all she wanted was to get back to her studies and maybe eat a bite. She had a big project coming up and didn’t want to waste any more time by doing pointless stuff like being photographed and complimented.

“I am afraid not, Miss Lucy, but he does have guests.” Leto answered as she led her up the stairs, feeling sorry for the girl. She knew her all too well, knowing how busy her life was and how little room she had for herself.

“Guests? Anyone I know?” This caught Lucy’s attention. Guests at the estate were rather unusual, and when there were any, she never got to meet them on purpose. She had once accidentally encountered a business partner of her father, who was storming off due to some deal that hadn’t worked out the way he had wanted to. After his temper tantrum Jude decided to hold meetings of that kind in the company rather than at his own home.

“I don’t think so, Miss. They arrived right after you left, and have been exploring the house since, but I don’t recall having seen them around here before.” Leto explained and made a small bow when they arrived at the doors to Jude Heartfilia’s study. Lucy took a deep breath and knocked, wondering about why her father’s guests would roam around the house. Did he hire a new team of bodyguards?

“Yes?” Jude’s voice sounded, and she entered.

The study was big, with high ceilings and made of dark wood. It was full of bookshelves and diplomas hanging on the walls. In the middle, right in front of a giant window, was Jude Heartfilia’s heavy wooden desk, and behind it, in a big leather chair, sat the man himself. He wore a dark brown suit, his blond hair, that was just a little darker than Lucy’s, combed back meticulously, and his piercing gaze directed right at her. It made her feel immediately uncomfortable, since usually he barely looked up from his work when he requested to talk to her. But today everything seemed to be different.

“Ah, Lucy. You’re back.” He stated and Lucy nodded, averting her eyes.

“Yes, father.”

Only then did she see the woman sitting in one of the heavy chairs across from Jude. She had big blue eyes and gorgeous white locks, which she had bound up in a high ponytail. They must be dyed, Lucy thought to herself, because the woman could only be a few years older than her. She gave Lucy a welcoming smile as she took in her black turtleneck and suit. As far as Lucy could see, she wore a skirt that fitted the blazer rather than pants.

A little farther, half hidden in the shadows of the bookshelves, Lucy spotted a man, wearing a black long-sleeved sweater and dark grey cargo pants. He had his arms crossed behind his back, and apart from his salmon-coloured hair Lucy couldn’t recognise anything about his face.

“This is Miss Mirajane Strauss, head of Strauss and Co.” Jude introduced the white-haired woman who in turn stood up and held her hand out for Lucy to shake. Frowning, she took it and realized that the woman would be visibly higher than her even without her heels.

“Strauss and Co. as in the security agency?”

“Exactly. I feel flattered that you have heard of us already.”

“Only bits. I have heard you’re supposed to be the best.” Lucy smiled, meaning her words as a challenge. When she could get rid of those who claimed to be the best, her father would be out of options.

Mirajane returned a smile so sickly sweet that Lucy knew she had understood the meaning of her words exactly but didn’t take it as an insult. That was interesting. “That is what people say, though I would not be so audacious as to say so myself. I like to let my records speak and my clients decide.”

“I have hired Miss Strauss and her people because of certain threats I have been receiving lately, and since I will be gone more often for business trips in the near future.” Jude explained and watched Mirajane stand by the side of his desk.

“Death threats?” Lucy questioned, not quite comprehending the reason for the sudden situation just yet. But death threats were nothing unusual among their circles, so what could have been so bad that he hired someone like Mirajane Strauss?

“Among other things, yes. In order to not restrict your freedom, they will accompany you every time you leave the estate and will guard the estate itself at all times, too.” In order not to restrict your freedom, Lucy could have barked out a laugh. Jude did not care for her freedom, he cared for her publicity meetings, for photoshoots and interviews. If it was just about her freedom or even her studies, he would gladly keep her at home with the best teachers he could find.

“I understand.” Lucy nodded, and so did Jude. She was dismissed and went to her own study in order to begin with her studies, and to start making plans on how to get rid of her new babysitters once again.

Lucy: Guess who just got a new set of bodyguards.

+++

Natsu knew the girl was special the moment she entered her father’s study. The way she carried herself, the way she smiled and talked. She hated the idea of bodyguards, and if it hadn’t been obvious from how stiff she had become the moment she realized who Mirajane was, he would have known at least by her files. Or the deadly smile she had sent her boss. A challenge, no doubt.

Lucy Heartfilia had a track record of getting rid of both bodyguards and suitors within only a few weeks. It seemed that her game had even levelled up over time. Be it her scaring them away by being bratty and insufferable, or simply by proving them not fit for the job of protecting her by sneaking out in the middle of the night and getting photographed by some paparazzi, she had gotten rid of them all. That’s why Jude Heartfilia had contacted Mirajane, whose agency was said to be the best. Especially after the death threats and the failed attempt to break into the estate, which he probably hadn’t told his daughter about, he just needed to be sure that the heir to his company was in safe hands.

“My daughter is to be guarded at all times, do you understand, Miss Strauss?” His deep voice cut the silence, and Natsu turned his gaze from the door to the man. Mirajane nodded, gifting him her sweetest smile. It was part of her work concept, to be sweet and seem innocent. In reality she was the most dangerous person Natsu had ever encountered, and they both had been high tiers in the military before taking on their job as bodyguards. She believed that potential threats would underestimate her for her good looks and sugary words and make the mistake of coming forward, which gave her the opportunity to not only keep them far from her protégés, but also eliminate the threat emanating from them one way or another, constantly. And so far, her tactic had always worked, without exception. Dangerous men seemed to just love to underestimate kind women.

“Do not worry, Mr Heartfilia. You made the right choice to entrust Miss Lucy to us.”

“Well, well. I guess time will tell if your words are as honourable as they sound. You can go catch up with the rest of your team now.” He dismissed them and Mirajane stood up, made a polite bow, and motioned for Natsu to follow her. While Lucy’s words had been a challenge, his were a warning. If they couldn’t deliver the way he wished, he would get rid of them immediately.

Once the door fell shut behind them, the white-haired woman let out a sigh. “So, what’s your impression?” She asked, and Natsu started walking down the hallway. While Mirajane had been signing legal documents alongside Mr Heartfilia, he had taken a quick look around the house, so that he would be able to know his way around once the job actually started. He knew exactly where Mirajane wanted to go to next.

“Of the girl or her father?” He asked.

“Tell me both.”

“He seems to care for her safety, obviously, but not the way a loving father would. He cares the way an owner of some precious artifact would, and she knows. Their relationship is awful, to say the least, and believing the research I did it’s not even surprising. She hates how planned out her life is, and even more than that she hates bodyguards.” He stated and watched as Mirajane chuckled softly.

“Oh, that seems about accurate. You remember what we talked about the other day?”

“About how I’m to act around her?”

“Yeah. Be careful. I have a feeling that she will make it harder on you than the others.”

Now it was Natsu’s turn to sigh. Yes, she probably would. But he wasn’t Natsu if he would let that get in his way.

Stopping in front of the girl’s study, he raised his hand to knock, waiting for her soft voice to call them in.

Lucy Heartfilia’s study was very different from her father’s. It was packed with books, too, but where his seemed to be a bunch of classics that were bought solely for the purpose of making him look wealthy and intelligent, hers seemed to be personal. There were novels, and books about all kinds of scientific ranges or biographies about scientists and activists, and a whole shelf was packed with just what must be her old schoolbooks. Her desk was of lighter wood and an almost white colour, but even larger in space than his, and there were pens and markers of all colours neatly organized on it, right next to a big computer screen. In front of the chimney on the side wall there was a small coffee table, surrounded by armchairs and a small couch. On the table there was a staple of novels. The room seemed cosy, and personal.

“Oh, Miss Mirajane. I wasn’t expecting you to come and see me.” Lucy smiled confusedly and stood up from the chair behind her desk, starting to walk around it. Natsu couldn’t help but let his gaze roam her body again. It was gorgeous, to say the least. She had all the right curves in all the right places, wasn’t too tall either and seemed quite delicate. Her beautiful blonde locks framed her pretty face, and he could see that she wore only little makeup to accentuate her natural beauty. The girl was absolutely stunning.

Mirajane giggled. “Please, call me Mira. You don’t have to be so formal around me. I’m here because I wanted to talk some things through with you personally and thought that you might feel better if your father wasn’t present.”

This seemed to make the girl insecure, and she furrowed her brows in confusion.

“Sure. Would you like to take a seat?” She motioned for the armchairs in front of the chimney and Mirajane nodded. Once they were sat down opposite each other, Natsu went to stand behind his boss. Lucy gave him a polite smile, which he returned.

“To not beat about the bush, I’m sure you already noticed Natsu.” Mirajane introduced him and he nodded when she glanced up to him.

“He is my best man, and while my whole team will constantly care about the safety of you and your family, he will be your personal bodyguard. He will accompany you to university and to all kinds of other events. I’m afraid he will even be there when you just meet friends, as your father requested.” To Natsu it was obvious that Lucy hated every word coming out of her mouth, and yet she kept up a perfect smile. She didn’t blame Mira, he realized, even though she would make her job as hard as possible.

“What I wanted to ask you was, do you have a boyfriend, Miss Lucy?” Mirajane continued, earning a confused look from Lucy. For a moment, she didn’t seem to know what to say.

“Why is that relevant?”

“Because of the current situation, it would be an advantage if it wasn’t too obvious that Natsu is your bodyguard. Since he will be around you every time you leave the estate, a practical tactic would be for him to pretend to be your boyfriend. Only if you are comfortable with that, of course.” She quickly added, but Lucy didn’t seem entirely convinced yet. “You would not have to do anything you don’t like, just introduce him as such. If you do not want to go with this possibility, we can arrange some other cover story, of course. Our job is to take care about your safety while keeping you as comfortable as possible, so please don’t hold back with criticism.”

Lucy stayed awfully quiet for some minutes, thinking it all through. Eventually she nodded, giving Mirajane a smile that seemed a lot more honest and also mischievous than all the smiles she had put up before. Natsu swallowed hard at the wicked gleam in her angelic brown eyes. “If this is the best possibility, then I should not be the one to turn it down.”

“Great. I will leave you two to talk everything through then and check up on the rest of the team. I wish you a nice afternoon, Miss Lucy.” Mirajane stood up and bowed, before leaving the room in calm strides. When the door clicked shut behind her, Natsu turned his gaze towards Lucy.

“Will it be possible to tell the truth to my closest friends?”

“I’m afraid that I might have to advise against it.” Upon hearing his voice for thew first time, Lucy gave him an odd look.

“Just advise? Then I will tell them.“ She said, such finality in her voice that he knew, no matter what he would say would not find any soil to grow on.

“Is there anything else you would like to talk through or ask?” She questioned and stood up.

“No, Miss. I will remain here in the study with you, though.” She nodded before turning around and returning to her studies. Natsu decided to roam through her bookshelves in the meantime.

He was currently studying an entire shelf full of astronomy books, wondering how someone could ever read something like that without banging their head against a wall, when Lucy cleared her throat behind him. Startled, he turned around, only to find her standing only centimetres beside him. How had she gotten there so quietly?

“Do you like astronomy, Natsu?” She purred, staring right up at him with her big brown doe eyes. He tried not to let it show how much impact they had on him.

He shook his head. “Can’t say I do, Miss. If anything, I’m more of psychology guy.”

“Psychology, huh?” She responded, inching closer. “Call me Lucy, will you?”

“If you wish me to.” He swallowed. What reaction was she trying to get out of him?

“I do. I’ve had psychology classes for some years myself. Loved them, though I had no time for them anymore upon entering university.” She murmured, curious eyes roaming over his chest muscles and biceps before she raised them to stare right back into his. “Have you ever been to university, Natsu?”

“I’m afraid not. After finishing high school, I went straight to the military.” He responded, not sure as to why he was even telling her. He usually didn’t talk about his personal life to his clients.

“The military? So, you really are a tough guy…” Lucy stated, laying a hand on his arm. Only then Natsu realised that she was purposefully manipulating him, bringing him out of the concept. He shook her arm off and hardened his gaze.

“Yes, I am. May I help you with anything, Miss Lucy?”

Looking up at him, and seeing the change in his expression, Lucy smirked. The game had begun.

“Please, call me Lucy.” She repeated and turned away, walking back to her desk. With furrowed brows Natsu stared at her retreating figure, swearing that her skirt was higher up than it had been in her father’s study.

She wanted to play games, huh? Good thing he was a player then.

Hey Sweethearts, it’s me. I’m writing this fanfiction because, obviously, I love Fairy Tail, but also because I am not a native english speaker and I want to up my english game. I would really appreciate some feedback!

Have a lovely Day, your Duchess

#fairy tail fanfiction #Fairy Tail #Lucy Heartfilia #Levy McGarden #Natsu Dragneel #Erza Scarlett #Mirajane Strauss #Juvia Lockser #Bodyguard AU

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kinetic-elaboration · 3 years

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December 23: 1x29 Operation Annihilate!

I’m very tired but at least I’m done with work for the year! Now to...set about furiously writing because I’m behind on like 3 different events, including, most egregiously, Chopped. Woah well. Here are some thoughts on the FINAL EPISODE of TOS season 1.

This ep isn’t messing around with the drama. Very first scene involves chasing a ship that’s flying into the sun.

Sam! I have a lot of Kirk brother feels even though tbqh they’re entirely about a relationship made up in my head. Like, there’s not really a lot of canonical Kirk brothers content, in either TOS or AOS (okay, nothing in AOS...technically...) but in my head it’s like this whole Thing and I’m obsessed.

This is one of the most beautiful planets in the galaxy I guess? Looks a lot like generic California to me. Cool architecture though.

I think I missed the explanation of what this planet does lol.

Sam is a research biologist.

His wife has such a weird name that I sometimes think of her as an alien but I guess they are all human. Less interesting lol. She might become an alien in HAICG but probably not.

All the people are in their homes, hiding out. I know this is to save money on extras, and then in-universe I guess because people hide from that which scares them, even when that’s pointless, but all I could think was “they’re self-isolating.”

Kirk and co. go to Sam’s lab to find him, but his whole family is there... do they... live in the lab?

We finally meet Sam...and he’s already dead. So bitter about this.

I remember a specific close up of just Sam’s face where it’s super obvious it’s Shatner with a mustache but this seems subtler... has it been edited, or am I mis-remembering?

Spock doesn’t know what to say. Does he really “understand” lol? He wants to be comforting though.

Guess Aurelan calls him Sam too. Thought that was only Jim.

I remember someone on tumblr pointing out that Jim beams down to the top of the stairs just so he can walk down them dramatically and now I can’t unsee it.

I’ve also heard people make fun of the aliens but I legit think they are alien looking and scary and gross. “It’s not life as we know or understand it.”

Been a while since we saw Christine and here she is.

“Spock’s readings are strange... even for him, which is saying something!”

“If you can’t do this, get another nurse!” What other nurse lol? This whole ship has a medical staff of 2.

“His body’s full of tentacles.” That is legitimately disgusting.

This is a very bad day for Kirk.

Spock’s on the loose, we must catch him--oh how convenient, he is here on the bridge!

Must...pinch... Captain...

“I apologize for that mutiny attempt back there. We’re all good now.” And miraculously, he actually is.

I HAVE MY OWN WILL. LET ME HELP. Interesting phrase there!

The needs of the few do outweigh the needs of the many. He MUST save Spock. And his nephew.

Is Spock, uh, hypnotizing himself? I don’t know if I believe that Vulcans can just stop themselves from feeling any pain.

“I was confined to sick bay. I unconfined myself.” He is really determined to run this errand. This needs to be the attitude I take toward my errands.

Bad ass Scotty. “Captain, your space husband is trying to escape.”

Kirk is so in love. “Your logic, as usual, is inescapable.”

McCoy just wants his patients to stay put.

I love when McCoy just randomly examines people.

“Your affection for Spock.” That’s one way to put it.

I feel like it took them way too long to figure out that the sun produces light. “What are the properties of the sun?” / “It exists.” Starfleet’s finest minds, everyone.

These creatures are sort of...like vampires. In a way.

Cool specs. I want a pair of those (prescription).

“The best first officer in the Fleet!”

“I am also quite blind.” What a drama queen. He knew he was blind already, obviously, he just needed to bump into something and make a big production out of announcing it.

And then literally seconds after blinding Spock, the tests they were ALREADY RUNNING come back and they realize that they never needed to use the blinding light. Like... I appreciate the drama but omg you dumbasses. And you call yourselves men of science. It wasn’t even like they hadn’t thought to do the tests. They were doing them!

Jim’s mad now.

Ew, gross, disintegrating vampire creatures. Clean up is going to suck.

I feel McCoy’s grumpiness about the weird eye thing lol. Unexpected...optic nerve...thing. Except actually it’s the eyelid? Developed to respond to “the brightness of the Vulcan sun”? That Spock just FORGOT he had? Very suspicious. I suspect more manufactured drama.

Uhura’s really enjoying this banter.

YOU FORGOT ABOUT HIS VULCAN EARS.

This whole last scene is so good. If you’re going to go on hiatus for 6 months, this is the way to do it.

I legitimately love this episode. Yes, there were moments when Kirk and friends were kind of dumb: taking forever to think about light (not buying McCoy’s line about how “light isn’t harmful” because first of all, there are nocturnal creatures on Earth so the idea that a living being might not like the sun isn’t weird, and second, even if it WERE weird, these are ALIENS so--think more broadly!); and being so quick to test out the light on Spock (while the results from the first test were still ongoing!) but I’ll forgive them that. Everyone has blind spots. Even very smart people can get caught up and not think about stuff that seems obvious as soon as they realize it. Plus, with the tests on Spock in particular, I can see how the urgency of the situation, the excitement of coming up with a potential solution, Spock’s desire to be free of the pain and also to be Dramatic again, and Kirk’s general commanding presence, might have all combined to lead them to jump the gun.

Also they totally forgot about Peter by the end lol. I mean we assume he got the same light treatment that Spock and the planet did but he’s also an orphan so...where does he go lol?

But other than that, pretty perfect episode! Got some good K/S moments. Some Kirk family stuff, even if it’s not a big element and also probably superfluous given that Spock being injured gives Kirk exactly the same personal stake as a family member being injured does. GREAT alien: I’m always here for any ep that can reasonably sneak in an “it’s not life as we know it” line. I like that they’re one giant organism, but spread out over a great distance; they’re using people for their bodies, to build ships and basically be their colonizers for them; they infect people in a gross and scary way; they’re defeated in an unusual manner. Basically, a great combination of Alien, as in unusual, and frightening.

And it’s a PERFECT triumvirate episode. A lot of focus on all three, and on their strengths. A philosophical problem that puts the difference between Spock (we must destroy the comparatively few to protect the many) and McCoy (we cannot kill that many people for any reason) into stark contrast, and then sets up Kirk as the fulcrum between them (we’re not killing anyone, now or later, just find my a solution--that great combo of optimistic and commanding). Kirk gets a special spotlight appropriate for him as Captain: he has to make these big decisions that could lead to a million deaths, while also thinking about the people important to him. Spock gets a spotlight that emphasizes his Vulcan nature. Mccoy gets a spotlight that emphasizes his role as doctor. They all get to interact together in a way that shows their real affection for each other. There are great moments like them all squashed in the doorway, or when Spock is blinded and Mccoy has to hold Kirk back from helping him TOO much. The banter at the end is easily among the top end-scene bridge dialogues of the season. And it’s a good note to end on because it sets up the importance of the triumvirate going to S2.

I am not going to take a 6 month hiatus lol. Next time, probably next week, not really sure, is Amok Time! Truly a wild choice to start out the season.

#the year 2020 #2020: star trek #2020: fandom thoughts #star trek tos

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scarlettswxtch · 5 years

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HEARTBREAK HOTEL

Pairing: Bucky x Reader / Steve x Reader

Description: Set in post-civil-war. The Avengers have been back together for a while now, you return to the compound after Tony asks for your help on a mission. After months of being MIA, you haven’t seen your team in a while and two certain super soldiers are who you’re dreading to see most.

Prompt: “After everything I’ve done for you!” / “That I didn’t ask for!”

Word count: 4,979 (omg)

Warning: ANGST ANGST ANGST™️, all my fics are intended for 18+ readers

A/N: Firstly, Whew! This was the first ever angsty fic AND I've ever written and damn if I didn’t cry a bit. I kinda like how it went so...I may make this a mini-series? Let me know what you guys think and I’ll get to it. Secondly, I such at summaries so I’m v sorry lol.

This is for @moonbeambucky’s 5k writing challenge!! The prompt is above :) again, congrats on your milestone Tara, darling ❤️ and thank you for letting me participate, it was super fun to explore the angsty side of fanfiction with that lil prompt :))) I know it’s from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend which is a comedy show but, I felt like writing something a little dark and sad hehe, hope you don’t mind + i hope you enjoy it ✨

Also a side note - I got my info about Aleksander Lukin from here if anyone’s wondering.

˜”*°•.˜”*°• Listen for the full experience •°*”˜.•°*”˜

Song(s): Rebekah - Jack Vallier for Bucky x Reader / Girlfriends - The Academic for Steve x Reader

Softly splashing water droplets hit the car windows as you were driven onwards. The skies are overhung with a blanket of grey, so much so that you can barely tell the difference between the sky and clouds. Despite car rides feeling tedious, the rain is commonly calming - you watch raindrops race down to the windows. The occasional wave of a puddle can be exciting, but right now you’d rather be outside in those puddles than stuck in this car.

It was almost midnight, Tony had called you 5 hours ago, pleading. His voice unusually tired - worn, even. As if he’d been yelling for hours. The team needed your help for a mission and you went despite the circumstances - greater good and everything. Your eyes closed over.

“Honey, come on...it’s - we can’t do this without you” Tony was using his soft voice. Tony never used his soft voice unless it was serious. You heard the helpless plea behind his voice and you faltered.

“Is he there?”

“Who?”

“You know who Tony” you clipped, impatient. You knew he would be, but you needed to hear it. This was pathetic and your heart sped.

“He is...but we can arrange-“

You cut him off. “No. Send a car for me, I’ll be there.” And with that, you cut the line off.

The car came to a sudden stop and your eyes fluttered open. “Is here ok, Miss?” The driver asked.

“Here’s fine, thank you” normally, you’d accompany your gratitude with a smile. But, not tonight.

It was still raining as you stepped out of the car. You didn’t want to move, despite the feeling the rain soak your hair, clothes, shoes. The sunset was long gone, leaving only a starless sky. Puffs of grey cloud had swooped into the air like an armed patrol and had surrounded the moon from all sides. There was nothing more that it could do but sit and wait for itself to be completely engulfed by its attackers, you couldn’t help but relate to that. The compound loomed before you and you wondered what level of hell you were in.

“Kid! What the hell? Are you trying to get sick?”

Tony appeared in front of you, snapping you out of whatever daydream you were in. His arms encircled you and you found the strength to hug him back.

“Cmon, let's get inside before we both freeze,” he says, all gentle as he guides you to the hall. He has both his hands on your shoulder, watching you with carefully. His face flickered with something joyless. “Teams missed you, honey.”

A soft, pained smile took over your features and you squeezed Tony’s hand despite yourself “I’ve missed them too,”

That unspoken question lingered in the air ‘Why won’t you come back?’ ‘What can I do to make it better?’. You hadn’t seen most of them in months, except Natasha and Wanda. They were your girls. They weren’t simply good friends, they have become part of your soul. When life became a storm they were the boat that kept the briny water from entering your lungs. They were love when you needed it and you thanked them with all that you were. Yet the storm wasn’t over; the winds raged, seeking to crush what was left of you.

You cleared your throat. “Let’s not keep them waiting then,” you said, uncharacteristically cheery. Tony saw through it but he said nothing.

You began walking, eyes flickering from wall to wall. This compound that was once your home felt like nothing but a stranger to you. You felt tears prick at your eyes and you blamed them on the vases of blossoms which gave off a cloying scent that made your eyes itch. Denial is a great thing.

“Ladies first,” Tony said as the elevator doors opened. You stepped inside despite your body screaming for you to flee. Tony grabbed your hand, you hadn’t realised you were trembling so much. You looked at him in silent gratitude as he drew small circles against your wrist, calming you as each second passed. The tough girl act never did convince him.

It was shortly after the battle between Cap and Tony. You were certain Stark would never forgive you for siding with Steve. Yet, you were surprised to find out how he’s done everything he could to keep you off the files, keep you off Ross’ radar. Nobody would ever know you were part of the whole thing. For all they knew, you had been helping Pepper with overseas business in Australia, oblivious to the circumstances back home.

Your heart swelled when you found out. Tony was like a father to you, always had been. That’s why it broke your heart to fight against him. He knew it was for love, so he forgave you for your blatant naivety. His little girl, “Always so easily fooled,” He had told you as you stood at his doorstep, eyes brimming with tears as you told him everything, told him how he was insufferably right from the beginning.

“You want me to kick his ass?”

You shook your head, “I just wanna come home”

He took you in as if you’d never left.

The elevator doors opened and you stepped into the conference room, eyes downcast - too afraid to see your friends. You could feel every pair of eyes watching you, glued to you. Your eyes shot up and your gaze instantly connected with the man sitting at the head of the table, all beautiful and strong like he’d always been. His eyes were the ocean, so full of life yet so uncertain. You remembered how his blue-green hue carried his emotional currents, before you could breathe you would always drown. Except this time they were blank, the warmth they once radiated replaced with betrayal and hurt - your heart clenched. Oh, Stevie. God, you wondered if he’d ever forgive you for disappearing like that.

You wanted nothing more than to run to him, have him scream bloody murder at you as you wrap your arms around him - pouring out those words that perpetually lingered in your mind, forever unsaid: “It's been forever and many days since we last spoke; I'm sorry. In this time we have become new people, yet at our core we are truly the same. In all honesty, I need the asylum version of friendship more than I need air, water or food. I need to be sheltered and nurtured until my shattered soul has repaired enough to function and give love into the world. I love you either way, yet I am asking with my heart in your hands, if you will be the harbour in this storm that has come to my shores.”

He looked away from you, jaw clenched. The room was unbearably quiet and you dared not look towards the icy blue gaze which pinned you down, his features working with a dilemma of his own.

You realised the room only had half the team. Nat, Wanda, Sam and Clint were missing. That left the room with Steve, Tony, Vision...and Bucky. Tony must’ve sensed your confusion because he filled you in seconds later, “We sent a team out to check a HYDRA base in Rio. They’ll be back tomorrow morning”. Great. Just your luck. You had hoped at least Sam would be around. Sam was the perfect friend and he would at least be able to distract you.

You nodded and took your usual seat near Steve. You could see him tense, clearly uncertain about your proximity.

“It’s nice to have you back,” says Vision from across the table and you smile at him warmly in thanks. Bucky was beside him and you could feel his gaze on you- you could feel it from the moment you stepped in the room and how it hasn’t left you since. You didn’t look at him. Fucking hell, the room couldn’t feel tenser if it tried.

Tony clapped loudly to get everyone’s attention “Alright kids, here’s the deal”, he begins, a small remote in his hand as the projector flicks to an image of a man in his middle 40s. You hear an intake of breath from Steve and Bucky’s metal arm shift in what you could only guess was surprise and discomfort. “Cap and Tinman should be pretty familiar with this guy,” Tony says. You studied the screen - he was attractive for his age, to say the least. Salt and pepper hair, dark blue eyes and olive skin now slightly wrinkled with old age.

“Aleksander Lukin, owner of Kronas Corporation, born in the Soviet village of Kronas some time in the 1930’s” Tony continues and you frown.

“1930s?” You asked, “Wouldn’t that make him-“

“89? Yeah, it would. We can only guess his slow ageing is a product of HYDRA’s serum experimentation. Lukin's village was used by the Red Skull as a base of operations during the Second World War. Soviet troops attempted to retake the town, Rodgers assisted them but Lukin's mother was killed in the course of battle.”

Tony flicks to the next image “Vasily Karpov, took Lukin under his wing. We sent Romanoff out to Russia to investigate further after Karpov was killed. Turns out Lukin was left in custody of a large cache of special projects developed over the decades, including the Winter Soldier.” You saw Bucky clench his jaw from the side of your eye. Your instincts wanted nothing more than to reach over and comfort him, but you remained still.

“He sold some of these devices to the highest bidders to raise funds. Some of those weapons went to A.I.M, which was taken town 3 years ago, courtesy of yours truly. Lukin has been under the radar until a few days ago when we got some intel that he’d got his hands on the reality-altering cosmic cube.”

“F.R.I.D.A.Y take the wheel,” Tony said, and the projection of the cube appeared. It was small and somehow looked like it was made of glass and marble.

F.R.I.D.A.Y’s voice took over the room. “The Cosmic Cube is thought to originate from space. It seems that it is a living being in embryonic form. It contains its own consciousness, seemingly patterning after the consciousness of an unknown being.“

“Thank you darling” Tony tells F.R.I.D.A.Y as he points at the projection “That’s what we’re looking for”

“The entire time we knew the Red Skull all he wanted with that cube was to rule the world. Wouldn’t put it past Lukin to want the same” You heard Steve say - he was using his serious ‘Captain America’ voice “It is absolutely imperative we get it off him” he finishes and your eyes lift to Tony.

“What’s the plan?”

“You are,” He said and you lifted a brow. “Luckily for us, Lukin has a soft spot for gorgeous women. It’s absolutely essential you distract him by whatever means necessary,”

You pursed your lips “Why didn’t you get Natasha to do this?”

“Natasha’s high profile, ever since the whole Accords thing, everyone knows her face.”

You nodded and Tony continued. “This is a highly sensitive undercover mission. We got some information a few days ago about a gala being held in honour of Lukin, to celebrate the firms ‘biggest milestone yet’. We can only guess they mean the Cube.”

Tony turns, flickering the screen once more as an aerial view of an incredible large castle comes into frame “Gala’s being held at one of Lukin’s residences. I had F.R.I.D.A.Y do a scan of the building and turns out there’s an underground facility. Heavily guarded, heavily supervised.”

Tony throws Lukin’s mission file at you “Learn that like your life depends on it. We can’t have any slip ups” you nodded, slightly offended. You were one of the best master spies in the game. You and Nat were absolutely unstoppable together. There was nothing you weren’t good at; martial arts, acrobatics, expert marksman, hacker, interrogator, pilot - were all in your resume. Nick Fury wouldn’t just hire an idiot.

“I assume this isn’t a one-woman mission?”

“No. We wouldn’t just send you there alone,” Steve said.

Tony’s lips pursed “Tinman and Steve will accompany you to the gala” Fuck, you cursed inwardly. Nothing could be worse than that information. “Nat and I will be on coms back at the Quinjet in case you need backup.”

Tony waved his band at you and Bucky “I know things haven’t been peachy between the two of you but it’s important you don’t let emotions get mixed up in this. So, sort it out soon so you don’t fuck up the mission.” You bit the inside of your cheek in anxiety, feeling Bucky’s eyes on you as you stared into the distance, sparing neither of them a glance. Steve twitched in his chair, and you wish he’d reach out and touch you - ease your distress and tell you everything would be ok because he’d be right here. Like he used to. But he remained still, not like you deserved it anyway. You knew this moment was coming but, you had hoped with every ounce of your being that it wouldn’t. Fun fact, kids: deflecting does nothing but postpone the inevitable.

“Alright. Class dismissed” Tony said and with that, you grabbed your file, shot up from the chair and left the conference room faster than lightning.

This is how it goes: everyone’s got a bone to pick. You had one to pick with yourself when you decided to fall for James Barnes. Falling was definitely the easy part. Yes, it was like bliss - sometimes, you wanted to reach up and grab onto something to stop yourself from plummeting but, you grasped thinning oxygen instead. Now you’re left here, half dead. When it is your love that kills you, no destruction is more laughably ironic than that of the self.

You remember the moment he broke you - your skin lit with righteous fury and you wondered if this was your punishment for loving someone more broken than you were. You remember how you used to lie beneath him in bed, or how he’d simply look at you from across the room - those icy blue eyes full of tenderness yet so void. You knew he’d break you, yet you loved him anyway. Your mother always told you how you could never love someone unless you love yourself first. Total bullshit. You’ve never loved yourself, not really - but him? Jesus, you loved him so much you forgot what hating yourself felt like.

It was almost 2am now as you stood outside the compound’s balcony. The rain had stopped and left wet puddles along the glass floor - you were barefoot and a cigarette was lit between your lips. You tilt your head, gazing upward, eyes more open than they can be in the fullness of day, not looking at one star, yet somehow seeing them all at once.

“Doll?” You hear from behind you. You didn’t jump at the intrusion in your quietness because it was expected. You said nothing, your back was turned to him and you continued to stare into the abyss of the dark landscape beyond the compound. The sound of his boots was accompanied by tiny splashes of rain puddles as he made his way towards you.

“Look at me,” he said - Bucky’s voice was rough yet velvety at the same time - you wondered how someone could sound like they could kill you and offer your body the most gentle touch at the same time. Your head involuntarily moved, your eyes meeting his after many months and you blinked. Even in the darkness, his eyes were seriously blue. Almost sickeningly blue - full-on Prince Charming, field of cornflower, perfect, cloudless sky blue. Someone should name a crayon after the guy.

You blew smoke out of your lips, lifting a brow in question mostly because you had no words to say.

There was a half-empty ache in your soul as Bucky watched you, his mouth dry as he watched you move. He wondered what it would be like to kiss you again, your blossom-soft lips sweet on his, always glistening with madness and love-sick desire. The memory was almost enough to make him smile. He knew you only smoked when you were anxious, stressed, unsure of what to do with yourself. He’d always find you right here, looking at nothing as you contemplated everything. He missed that, just finding you in places even when he wasn’t looking. Bucky reaches over and tenderly plucks the cigarette from between your lips, crushing it with his foot. You looked at him with cheeks stained with tears you didn’t even realise were there. His heart breaks a little and he can’t help but think he’s too late and you’ve lost your way and all that remains is you and him and this hopeless tragedy all lovers leave behind.

“Sweetheart I...” he began, his hand reaching for your face as if touching you could wipe away all the pain and make it all okay again. It probably could, your mind said and you hated yourself for that.

You flinched away from him as if he were hot scorching fire and he dropped his hand “No Bucky. Don’t fucking touch me,” you spat. You were angry. Angry because being angry was better than tears, grief or guilt. You gripped the balcony railing tightly with one hand despite the fact that your palm was sore and burned. Your nails dug deep into your other hand, almost enough to draw blood. A tear rolled onto your cheek, but you didn't care; you had to stay focused. “I don’t think we have anything to say to each other”

“Really? Cause the way you’re acting right now tells me somethin’ else doll,” he stepped closer to you “We need to talk it out.”

“The way I’m acting?” You scoffed “What exactly were you expecting? Did you want me to throw myself in your arms, kiss like you never did a thing?” you closed the space between you and looked at him like he was venom “I don’t know about you baby,” the last word came out like poison and Bucky’s jaw clenched “but I don’t think I can ever do that again”

No, you certainly couldn’t. You convinced yourself you couldn’t -, especially after everything.

It hit your hard when he did it. His words like nails and hammers breaking your heart apart. You had been on the run with him, Sam and Steve for months. The first day didn't even feel real. A nightmare come true, maybe. You found yourself waiting to wake up. But that never happened. You cried and cried to Sam, told him you needed to go home and he helped you readily. Your Sammy, he was always so sweet, a big joker who did everything for you without question. He got you to the airport, saying nothing to Steve and Bucky. He protested at first, uncomfortable with the idea but you knew Steve would try to convince you to stay, make things work. He’d probably be able to - you always did have a soft spot for those baby blues.

When you arrived at Tony’s doorstep, he was there for you but you never felt so alone. Completely, utterly alone, without him to comfort you. A million questions rushed to your head: “Who will wipe away my tears now? Who will hold my hand? Who will surprise me with hugs from behind? Who will tell me they love me and call me beautiful?” Not him. Not anyone anymore. You now lacked that someone who had been with me for over a year. That same someone who promised you a forever only to leave when things became too hard. And now he’s gone. Gone like the ink leaving pen. Soon enough he’ll forget about you.

You wanted to call him, ask him: “Did you cry at all? Did it hurt you at all... when you said you weren't happy anymore? When you said you didn't love me anymore? You let me buy you food. You let me drive you home. You let me love you that night. The night before it all. You kissed me that night. You told me you loved me that night. Did you lie? Or were your feelings able to fade so quickly? You're a coward. A coward that I should hate. I should hate you. I should be angry with you, but I can't. I'm worried for you... I wish the best for you. I just want you to have happiness again, even if that means I have to sacrifice my own. I would have done anything for you, you know? I loved you. I wanted to be the very best for you. I was the very best for you, but my best wasn't ever enough to satisfy you was it? Maybe that's what hurts the most.”

You clenched your jaw, your nails digging deeper into your palm as if to focus the pain elsewhere “Some days I can’t stop thinking about you, other days I wonder why I’m wasting my time”

Bucky sighed, his hands running over his face in exasperation “I didn’t ask you to throw yourself in like that. I didn’t want any of it. I didn’t fucking ask you for any of it”

You shook your head in utter disbelief and wondered if he was truly this oblivious “You don’t ask for love Bucky! What the fuck is wrong with you? It doesn’t work like that, it’s give and take with no questions asked. Even a bloody wall would know that”

“I wasn’t built like that and you know it”

You scoff, “you had a life before you became who you are now, surely you remember how it feels like to love and be loved”

His eyes darken “Sorry to disappoint you, sugar, but loves pretty alien to me. I never asked for any of yours”

Your eyes and tone turn bitter and sad: “I gave you all and you gave me shit!” He shrugged as if that meant nothing to him and your eyes sprouted tears which fled unchecked “After everything I’ve done for you!”

“That I didn’t ask for!” he shouts, wanting nothing more than to flee from this conversation. Ironic, since he started it.

Your voice was quiet next, controlled even - almost threatening “You’re a fucking idiot. You never could stand being blamed for something you’ve done wrong, could you?”

“I didn’t do shit.” He growled, “I told you the deal and you stayed with me anyway, your pain is your fucking problem,”

That was the breaking point of your patience. At that moment, you were blinded by a five-course serving of rage that tasted bitter, yet surprisingly satisfying. You reached out and punched him in the face. Your voice rose above the sacred silence as you spluttered words your own mind didn’t register. You went to attack him again but he held you down, pinning your arms behind your back, your face now dangerously close to his. When he looked down at you there was no trace of emotion, not in his eyes or in marks on his reddening face. His eyes were narrowed, rigid, cold, hard. In that moment you knew he was already far away. Once more you were the enemy. These swings from most loved to most hated would be the end of you. His temper had no greyscale, only the polar extremes existed. You drew in a deep breath, the burning hard stare would last only as long as it took him to think of the most brutally cutting thing he could tear you down with.

His face brightened, just a tone lighter than your own crimson. “I didn’t ask for any of it” he spat. “I told you to stay, didn’t I? Do you not remember me asking you not to get involved?” his hands tightened over your wrists, hurting now but you didn’t show. You wanted him to hurt you, maybe it’d make you hate him better. “But no, you had to fucking follow me to Bucharest. Do you have any idea how exhausting it was to be with someone so fucking needy? No wonder I left you” ah, there it was. So much damage was done when Bucky argued. Every mean thing he'd thought but knew better than to say came flooding out. When he saw hurt in his opponent's eyes he never backed off, only dug deeper, like a hunter at the first sign of blood. Even if it was you.

“This right here, all these emotions? I can’t deal with you, I didn’t want any of this shit. You knew it was too much for me,” your eyes shifted to the side and became glazed with a glassy layer of tears. As you blinked, they dripped from your eyelids and slid down your cheeks. You bit your lip tightly in attempt to hide any sound that wanted to escape from your mouth and his heart sank. His eyes turned apologetic and his mouth began to form words you cut off as you ripped yourself from his grasp.

Your lower lip quivered and words slowly made their way out of your mouth. “You know what’s funny? I can’t even hate you right now. Not even a little bit and that fucking enrages me.” Your veins were full of ice-water now, yet they boiled fervently. You dashed inside, too quick for him to grab you - promising yourself to kill that part of you where he once belonged.

He knew he should’ve gone after you, say sorry and how he meant none of it. A part of you hoped he would. Instead, Bucky stood there silent and unmoving for what seemed like hours and finally, he understood why you liked looking into the darkness so much.

You stepped into the shower, toes flinching as they touched the chilled marble floor. Your mind was in shreds; you’d never get those words out of your mind.

Do you have any idea how exhausting it was to be with someone so fucking needy?

You turned the dial, new and metallic, releasing thousands of lukewarm drops, darkening your hair and trickling down your back. Your eyes fell closed over and over, each time showing you the words like photographs:

I can’t deal with you

I didn’t want any of this

Were you needy? Had you been too much? Sudden insecurity took over your body, reaching into to the depths of your mind to uncover every instance you showed him love and twisting it into something bad. He had asked you not to come, he had asked you to not get involved, stay behind and be with Pepper. He did. You should’ve listened. Maybe things would be better now if you had, maybe you’d still be together. But no, how could you have? You were a fool who loved him too much to let him do anything alone. You closed your eyes as if it hurt to look at things.

“Darlin?” you hear from the door, your eyes shooting open. It was Steve. You must’ve been quiet too long because he knocked again “Cmon I know you’re in there”

You took a deep breath, calming your nerves “Go away Steve, please” your throat felt tight and you surprised yourself with the calm, controlled coolness of your voice.

“I’m not leaving until you open up” You sighed in resignation, turning off the water and stepping out of the shower. You wrapped a white towel around your form, not caring about that puddles of water your hair was leaving behind.

You swung the door open and Steve stood before you - all righteous and handsome like he’d always been. God, you missed his face; you missed him, every atom of you missed him. "Are you okay?" he asks the question smoothly, the baritone of his voice reverberating through your bones. The low rumble of his voice is comforting despite everything.

“I’m fine”

“You don’t look fine,” he said, eyes roaming over your mascara stained face.

“Then stop looking”

“Cmon darlin’ he didn’t mean any of that. He loves you, I know it - everyone knows it”

You shook your head, scoffing “You can’t actually believe that? Did you hear what he said to me? Did he tell you?”

Steve looked at you apologetically “I heard”. Your lip began to quiver uncontrollably and Steve pulled you close, gently rubbing your arm. Despite the heaviness in your stomach, it fluttered at the feeling of your body pressed against his. You sink into the warmth of his chest, appreciative of the simple gesture. His touch made the room warmer somehow, your future within its walls seems a little less bleak.

“I’m sorry I left you,” you say, so quietly it was barely above a whisper. Steve pulled you closer, kissing the top of your forehead in what you assumed was forgiveness. “He doesn’t love me,” you said unconsciously, distractedly.

“Cmon sweetheart-“ he began but your head shook against his chest in defiance and he stopped speaking.

“I don’t think he knows how to love anything, Stevie,” you say and Steve’s jaw clenches. He pulls you closer and you wish you could melt into him. “Will you stay with me, please?” you ask and look up at him with eyes pleading; round with unspilled tears. I’m that moment he could’ve sworn there was nothing more lovely in the galaxy - angels would be fools not to damn themselves for you.

“Sure darlin’, anything,” he said without thinking and you slither your arms across his waist, pressing a small kiss on his chest.

“I really missed you, Stevie”

“Me too, doll” he replies, barely above a whisper.

You spent the rest of the night in Steve’s arms, warm and sweet and in this moment you felt like everything would be okay.

144 notes · View notes

weareweagain · 6 years

Text

Simon Tellier - Pet Shop Boys/Gloria Gaynor/Charli XCX/Taio Cruz

There's an air of effortless grace and composure that the French bring to the table. They even invented the name for it; a certain je ne sais quoi. A certain thing that is hard to describe, and harder for the non-french to imitate. These are qualities that I think of when I think of Simon Tellier, certainly one of the most talented and yet humble drummers I’ve ever worked with. And he is indeed, very French.

I've known him since I was eighteen. He later told me that when we first met, I spoke much too fast for his new understanding of the English language. We met attending the same music College - Tech Music schools where Simon had landed himself a scholarship to come over from France to study. Eventually we learnt to communicate, and I’ll never forget teaching him the word ‘cobbles’ on the streets of Edinburgh.

A year or so after we met, we both auditioned to join an in-house band at the successful pop production house Xenomania. We got the gig, and it was the most unusual entrance into the music industry for both of us. It was a very structured job - 10am to 7pm, Monday to Friday. Every day, we travelled forty minutes outside of London to a gorgeous house in the country, where our rehearsal space was in fact the pool house by the pool in the vast garden. A wonderful Spanish cook prepared a feast for us all once a week and we were on a salary (although we were not extraordinarily well paid, to have regular money for our first jobs as session musicians was a huge comfort). It was very bizarre, and it's probably safe to say neither of us will work a job like that again.

Everyone in our school knew what a fantastic drummer Simon was, and working with him 5 days a week for many months in that job meant I really got to see it first hand. He had certainly put a lot of work into it, playing drums since he was 4 years old and doing shows with his musician parents around France. He was the youngest endorsee of Mapex when he joined them in 2005. After he embarked on his move to London to attend the music school, and his stint with Xenomania he went on to play with many high profile acts, such as Tinchy Stryder, Taio Cruz, Christophe Willem, Charli XCX and Gloria Gaynor. He’s most recently been busy touring with the legendary Pet Shop Boys. I got on the phone with him one Saturday afternoon to ask him for the details of his tours, past and present…

V: You’ve worked with a string of great artists. I’m so interested to hear all of your stories, especially about working with Gloria Gaynor…

S: Yeah, I’ve done a few shows with her. I was working with another artist who had the same MD (musical director) as Gloria, so she put me forward when they needed a dep drummer. They asked if I could read music, which I could. It was all the original band apart from me, and there was no rehearsal, so I met them all at sound check. The gig was on this beautiful beach in Italy. I started to set up and organise my charts on my laptop, but I realise I had forgotten to bring a foot-switch so I could turn the pages of the charts during the show. I ended up having to have a very sweet local crew guy sit next to me for the entire show, turning the pages on my laptop every time I nodded at him, all whilst my snare was smashing his ear drums.

V: It just shows you’ve gotta be nice to your local crew, they’re worth their weight in gold! You never know what you might need to ask of them!

S: Yeah, luckily he was happy to do it, but it was really funny. My next show with her was a Russian wedding, in Greece. After a horrible long journey there, we eventually turned up to a beautiful resort. All our rooms had balconies, it was beautiful. I had greek coffee for the first time. The whole place stunk of money, and the audience didn’t really seem to care when we played. Of course everyone got up for ‘I Will Survive’ but it was a shame. The most glamorous show we did with her was at an artist’s (who won’t be named!) end of summer private party in St. Tropez. It was in a club with a tiny stage, and there wasn’t even a line check before the show. The party was crazy; it was like a champagne spraying contest in there. It was filled with A-list celebs; I even saw Simon Cowell there. There were girls walking round in nothing but lingerie, handing out cigars and cigarettes that we could smoke inside.

V: Wow. And what is Gloria like?

S: She’s great, really lovely. And all her gigs were kind of like that. We played a yacht designers birthday party at the yacht club in Monaco which was nuts.

V: Fair enough, I’m sure she’s only going out for the right money and shows. Those all sound like fun, glamorous shows. What other shows from your career have been some of your favourites?

I really loved playing with Birdy, and the French artist, Christophe Willem. It was nice to be in France so much, and playing with him was surreal as I watched him on TV when I was sixteen, winning Pop Idol. Fast forward five years later, and I’m playing shows and getting drunk with the guy.

V: Yeah that must have been really strange. It’s funny how music can put you in those scenarios; it can elevate you from being at home watching someone on TV, to then being on stage with them. What other moments have been surreal for you?

S: I remember when Taio Cruz had his big hit, ‘Higher.’ Myself and my girlfriend at the time would always be singing it, almost in parody as it was on the radio and being played absolutely everywhere. Then the MD, Kojo, gives me a call and asks me to come audition for him. It was funny. The Gloria Gaynor gigs were always surreal too. Obviously ‘I Will Survive’ was such a big hit, but I knew so much of her music from listening to it at my grandmothers house growing up. She would always be played on this french radio station called ‘Nostalgie.’ Of course, my current shows with Pet Shop Boys are surreal. Every time we play ‘West End Girls’ it’s really great. It’s such a good track, I never get bored of it.

V: Yeah, to be playing tracks you’ve grown up to, with the artists themselves must feel so great. How has it been with touring with Pet Shop Boys, since they are such an established act?

S: It’s been really great; the venues and crowds have been amazing. The craziest bit for me was the second South American leg we just did. It was mostly festival shows, and we played at ‘Rock in Rio.’ It’s the biggest festival and stage I’ve ever seen. When you’re playing, you can’t see where the sea of people ends. There were 150,000 people there.

V: That’s amazing. I find playing to big crowds so addictive. It’s such a buzz. Do you crave big crowds or prefer smaller venues?

S: I love the adrenaline of the big crowd, but it’s fun to play in small clubs too, and have that close proximity to a crowd. You can actually see the people’s faces. Sometimes there’s more energy in the smaller clubs too. But the audiences were great in South America. Pet Shop Boys are big in Brazil, but it can be a dangerous country, so they had to make sure everything was a safe as possible. We flew by private jet a lot, which was obviously amazing. One night when we were in Brazil, Chis and Neil invited the whole crew out for a big dinner at a Brazilian BBQ restaurant - which is the best food ever! We were eating, when I noticed there were two big, intimidating looking guys sitting near to us. I didn’t think much of it, but when we got up to leave the restaurant, they got up too. We walked to a petrol station next to our hotel to get some drinks; in Brazil the petrol stations are a place to drink and socialise. There’s seats outside, and people pull up their cars and play loud music. It’s a bit shitty honestly, but it has great vibes. It’s warm, and people are in a great mood. The two big guys follow us there too. We go back to the hotel and everyone is in the lobby saying goodnight, and I notice the two guys are sat at the hotel bar. Everyone but myself and two others have gone to bed. I go out for a cigarette and one of the guys follows me. I’m getting really worried now. He comes up to me and says ‘hey, you must be Simon.’ I’m assuming he must be a big fan or something… it turns out he was our security guard.

V: What a weird way to be acquainted with your security! You think he would’ve been introduced to you...

S: I guess he didn’t wanna intrude, and wanted to find the right moment to say hi. They decided to get security because they got mugged before in Rio. By drag queens. It was in the Daily Mail the next day.

V: Wow, well that’s a story! How did you get on with your security after that introduction?

S: I had really funny but awkward experience with one security guard. I had met this girl in Brazil. She wanted to hang out with me after our show, so I suggested grabbing some drinks from the petrol station next to the hotel. What I didn’t realise was that Victor, the local security guard had to come with me to meet this girl. Everyone else had gone to bed, so he was free to monitor me. So, all three of us go. He sat on a table next to us whilst we tried to talk and have a date. Every time I went to the bathroom he had to come with me. I felt bad; I told him it that he didn’t have to, but he said it was his job and he had to. After a while it just got too weird and we just invited him to join us. The thing is, he was a really attractive guy, and it turned out he went to the same school as this girl and they were starting to really get along.

V: Did he poach your date?!

S: No, but I caught her looking at him! Eventually, she hinted that we should go back to my hotel room to be alone… but he had to take us up the elevator! He finally left us at the door, thankfully! That was definitely awkward.

V: It sounds like an eventful tour.

S: It was a great year touring with them, but after that year of working really solidly, I wanted to go home. I’ve never had that before, but I was just so tired. I got sick in Brazil too, which made it harder. You’re just with the same people all the time. You can’t really write music. I missed my friends and family. You’re sick of airports, cars, hotel rooms. You feel like you don’t have your own space, and nothing is yours. It gets really strange. And strange because it was the first time that I had ever felt like that. I was getting pissed off for no reason. At the peak of my frustration, I had a situation with airport security when they took my drum key away. I just kicked off at them, and that’s not like me at all.

V: Do you prefer to be at home then?

S: Well, I’m creating and inventing the other side of my career when I’m at home. I want to be both touring and spending time at home; it’s about getting the balance. I love touring, but I love writing too. Ideally, I can be comfortable enough to choose where I put my focus and not just take gigs just because I need the money.

V: Yeah, I think it’s great if you can strike a balance. So what music are you producing when you aren’t touring?

I compose a lot of library and advert music. For the last three years I’ve been doing a lot of it. My housemate Sarah (DeCourcy - Musical Director) got me into it and has been helping me so much. She said to me, “you know, you’re making music in your bedroom and you’re not making any money from it.” I thought, “fair point!” Every quarter its nice to get that PRS cheque. It’s really good for when I’m not touring… since touring can be so sporadic, writing is the regular thing. It’s not always instant money, especially to begin with, but it’s a good investment of my time.

V: Where did you learn your production chops?

S: I’ve been producing for a long time but only recently started taking it seriously. Sarah taught me a few things, and I learnt from videos and things online. I’m not really a mixer, but it’s important to have some mixing skills to get something simple sounding good.

V: Yeah, I guess job one is getting the programming and live recording right, because well, you cant polish a turd! You can’t mix it to make it sound good if it wasn’t in the first place. Do you use Logic?

S: Yeah, and a little bit of outboard gear. I use a Fat Man compressor. I would love to get some Neve preamps, but it’s two grand for a little piece of gear… it’s a lot! Honestly, I don’t really have anything fancy, I’ve got one mic - an SE G3500, and I’ve got my bass and guitars. The rest is all in the box. I learnt how to use synthesisers properly, what they actually do rather than using presets and just hoping for the best. Producing library music really changed the game for me. I just talk to lots of other people who give me tips. The musical director with the Pet Shop Boys is a producer too. I always call him up to ask questions. I would also love to release my own music, and make my own animation movies to accompany it. I guess it would be like Gorillaz; I don’t want to be the face of it. I’m still searching for my sound and who I am musically. I’m not sure which direction I will go, but its part of the process. I’m not going to release anything until I know what I am.

V: Is there anything else you like to do when you come off the road?

I do love going out and being social.

I’ve been thinking about drawing a lot…I would love to design my own clothes. The Pet Shop Boys have a wardrobe designer, Jeffery Bryant who has really inspired me. He dresses Duran Duran, Lady Gaga - everyone. He’s one of the most talented people I’ve ever met. He can make an outfit out of anything. We were at a festival in Spain, and he took a table cloth from catering and made me a jacket out if it. I wore it for some photos that night. He really inspires me.

V: I remember you telling me the team were really into your natural style and ‘look’ for the band. Weren’t you also dressed in cloaks or something strange for the show too?

S: We have a big plastic helmet we wear at the beginning of the show, and we put back on later.

V: How do you find it performing in that?

S: It’s not easy, we have to sing and play in them, and you can’t really see very well in them. On some songs we have to sing and walk, so you have to be careful where you’re going! We got used to it though.

V: Have you ever had embarrassing moments on tour that spring to mind? Or a time where things went wrong?

There was this one time during a Christophe Willem show in France. We were playing Amneville Arena. It was going great, and it was the middle of the gig during the acoustic section, where it’s just a pianist and Christophe. I go off stage to get my usual sugar rush, eat a chocolate bar or something. All of a sudden, it all goes dark and there’s a power cut. The generators should have kicked in, but the power had cut a while ago and they had already been keeping the show going for a while and ran out of juice. So, we decide to go and grab the acoustic guitar. The crew took their torches and lit up Christophe’s face. The audience, all 25,000 of them, start shushing and we play a few songs like that until the power came back. It was a technical problem, but it made the show really special. I think that should be part of a show one day, a fake power cut!

V: That sounds amazing. Did you have any big learning curves on tour, or learn any big lessons quickly? I always remember on our tour together opening for Paolo Nutuni, I learnt quickly to respect the headliners space. I passed the band quickly in the corridor whilst they were waiting to go back on for their encore and the tour manager really told me off later for ‘getting in their way.’ I think in reality, he was much more strict than most tour managers, but I certainly learnt my lesson quickly…

S: I’m always prepared for the worst, as anything can happen. During a show with Birdy, the metal parts of my kick pedal broke. It was an acoustic gig, so it was really obvious. Luckily, I was also using drum triggers, so I quickly programmed a kick sound that I could trigger with another pedal. I feel like you always need to have two snares with you. If the kick drum skin breaks, you can always turn it. It was good lesson, to always have some kind of back up pedal. I also learnt not to do too many stick tricks when I started working with Xenomania. I remember missing the ‘1’ a few times because of them, so I stopped doing that quickly!

V: Do you have any fan stories you can share?

S: I have a big fan who created a website about me, a big Christoph Willem fan. She lists current projects and posts things regularly; it’s a really professional site. I should be paying her!

To find out more about Simon visit his website: https://www.simontellier.com/

Or if you’re the curious type, visit Simon’s fan site: http://oh-stelliers.tumblr.com/

Vicky Warwick

#drummer #sessionmusician #sessiondrummer #french #je ne sais quoi #petshopboys #charlixcx #gloriagaynor #iwillsurvive #tinchystryder #t

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i-am-too-sick · 6 years

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Hi! You're the first emeto blog I ever found (like 2 years ago) and I love your work! If you're up for it (but no pressure, by any means) i would love to see a Fic where Quinn has been feeling kind of off all day, and Toby hasn't realized, but then Quinn whips around and pukes in the sink while they're making dinner and Toby kind of freaks out and comforts him. If you don't want to write this, I won't hold it against you at all.

2N for the Holiday Prompts for Toby/Quinn pls??

What better time than Thanksgiving to introduce y’all to Toby’s familia! Feverish + While cooking Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Years dinner.

“And that’s the story of how we met.”

The end of Quinn’s tale was met with varying degrees of amusement, but none seemed quite as happy to hear it as Toby. He was positively beaming, as though his boyfriend’s retelling had him living in the moment again.

“But now you kiss and stuff, right? Like, all the time?”

It was Toby’s youngest sister, Beatrice, who spoke up from her spot on the floor. She had a strong likeness to Toby, aside from being only seven and having long, braided hair. Of everyone in the room, she looked the least impressed.

Quinn smiled. Since arriving at the de Jesus home last night, he’d quickly learned that Bea questioned everything. She was very much like her brother in that sense too.

“Why don’t we get ready for dinner?” Mrs.de Jesus suggested, effectively putting a stop to her youngest’s prying. “Quinn, you wanted to peel the potatoes?”

Quinn nodded, standing from the couch and stretching. His muscles had felt unusually achy all day and he was beyond tired, despite sleeping soundly the night before. He really didn’t feel that great to begin with, but he powered through for the feast waiting for him at the end of the evening.

Toby stood with him, draping an arm around Quinn’s shoulders. He was drunk already, and he tasted like beer when they kissed.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he said. “Mama loves you. Bea can’t get enough of you—“

“Tobias!”

Quinn chuckled. “That’s our cue. Come on, lover boy.”

In the kitchen, they were greeted by Toby’s other sister, Rosalie. She was working on green beans, or a casserole of some sort. Whatever it was, it made Quinn’s stomach turn.

In fact, everything made his stomach turn. The smell of the turkey baking in the oven, the smoke from the candles burning in the windowsill, even the smell of alcohol permeating off his boyfriend—it all made Quinn suddenly feel very nauseous.

“Where’s Dad?” Toby asked. He’d wandered away to check the turkey when Quinn had started toward the sink to begin peeling potatoes.

“He went to go buy the newspaper. Me and Mama want to look at the ads.” Rosalie turned around, wiping her hands on her apron. She was pretty, tall and thin, with curly hair. It was obvious from how she’d fixed herself up that she cared far more about appearances than her twin brother Toby.

Quinn started peeling over the sink, his strokes heavy and sluggish. The potatoes felt slippery and slimy in his hands, and he had to keep swallowing down his nausea. Goosebumps raised up along his arms and for just a moment, he missed Toby’s arm around his shoulders.

It was several minutes and peeled potatoes later when Quinn was finally finished. It hadn’t taken him long to realize that something was wrong, but he hadn’t said anything for fear of ruining everyone’s dinner plans.

“All done there, Q?” Toby asked. Since last checking the turkey, he’d been juggling kitchen duties and keeping Beatrice occupied when she got bored. He’d hardly noticed the change in his boyfriend at all.

Quinn nodded, rinsing off the last of the potatoes and setting them on the counter. He felt cold, though his hands were warm and clammy. “Hey,” he started, swallowing thickly, “Toby…”

At the distressed sound of his name, Toby leaned over to get a good look at his face. Quinn’s face was pale and his shoulders were shaking. “Whoa, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“I think I’m going to be sick,” Quinn said miserably. He hung his head over the sink, letting a trickle of saliva fall down toward the drain.

“Oh shit, Quinn! Not in here!”

Toby grabbed his boyfriend by the shoulders and tried to steer him toward the bathroom, but Quinn stayed rooted to the spot, frozen by swelling nausea. His stomach made an audible gurgling sound, and then he was heaving.

Quinn heard Toby start swearing, something he likely wouldn’t have done with his mother present, but Quinn was hyper focused on the feeling of sick working itself way up his throat. He retched hard, a tidal wave of vomit splattering into the sink. He barely had a chance to take a breath before his stomach lurched again, bringing up another river of sick.

He felt awful. Not only was his stomach trying to claw its way out of him, but as he stood with his back hunched over the sink, he could feel several pairs of eyes on him and he just knew he had ruined Thanksgiving.

Toby’s hand was on his back, rubbing quick, anxious circles across his shoulders, coaxing out another productive heave.

By the time he’d dissolved into unproductive queasy hiccups, Quinn was an absolute mess. Ribbons of saliva and bile clung to his lips, and his chest heaved as he tried to catch his breath.

He felt a hand on his cheek, too small and not callused enough to be Toby’s. “Pobrecito, mijo. You’re burning up. Toby, take him upstairs and get him into bed.”

Mrs. de Jesus muttered something else, but Quinn was already wiping his mouth on his sleeve and being led out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

Quinn didn’t remember much after that. He was taken to Toby’s room, changed into his pajamas, and tucked snuggly into bed, a trash can on the floor in case of another emergency.

His stomach was still upset and rumbly, but he didn’t think he was in any danger of being sick again for a while. He leaned into Toby’s hand as he stroked along his cheek, humming a quiet word of gratitude.

“Dude, your skin is on fire. You should have said something, and don’t give me that bullshit about disappointing anyone.”

Quinn shrugged. “You got me. I’m sorry, T.”

Toby rolled his eyes. “I should have known. Well, whatever, Thanksgiving’s overrated anyway. You’re not missing anything special.” He grinned, lightly ruffling Quinn’s hair. “I mean, Mama’s mashed potatoes are to die for, but I guess no one’s getting those this year.”

Quinn punched him from underneath the covers. “You’re a jerk.”

Toby laughed, pressing a kiss to Quinn’s fevered brow. “Get some sleep, Quinn. Mama said she was going to make you some soup. Trust me, that’s even better than mashed potatoes.”

#sickfic #emetophilia #fever #request #my ocs #quinn #my writing

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squigglyness · 7 years

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Get to know me (Tag)

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people.

aw thanks @comfortablysarcasticslytherintj lov u okay also this is So Many help

LAST: 1. Drink: wAteR 2. Phone call: mom.. 3. Text message: idk i don’t remember to text back 4. Song you listen to: all i know is i have a MCR song stuck in my head and idk which one it is 5. Time you cried: either like two days ago or two weeks ago i can’t remember also why is this question ALWAYS included

HAVE YOU: alright u know what lemme just say yes and now let’s just forget this section 6. Dated someone twice: 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: 8. Been cheated on: 9. Lost someone special: 10. Been depressed: 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up:

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12. Black

13. Red

14. Green&Gold&White&DarkPurple&Brown

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: Sorta

16. Fallen out of love: I mean you’d have to fall in love first rite 17. Laughed until you cried: ye 18. Found out someone was talking about you: if i did i don’t remember, it doesn’t really matter 20. Found out who your friends are: is it just me or does this sound childish 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: i don’t have FB tho

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: just rememberd i actually do have facebook and no i know none of them 23. Do you have any pets: i did until i moved and i still have my plants but i consider them children 24. Do you want to change your name: that’d be nice but as long as people don’t use my first name i’m good 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: nothing. my birthday is actually coming up again in like a week and i hope to watch LOTR 26. What time do you wake up: when i’m not overly depressed, 5:30 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Sleeeeeep 28. Name something you can’t wait for: going to sleep, i’m not excited about much these days tbh 29. When was the last time you saw your mom?: last weekend 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: HAHAHA how about being productive without health problems 31. What are you listening to right now: the fan... it’s unusual but i’m actually not listening to music 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: well my brother 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: having to introduce myself and answer questions and talk about myself almost daily bc i keep meeting new people and they all seem to wanna know everythiiinggg also i hate questions that i don’t have a clear answer on yet, just pls don’t 34. Most visited website: probably google docs lmao 35. Mole/s: u know u watch too many crime shows with ur mom when u immediately think of deep cover agents 36. Mark/s: what does this mean? scars? let’s not 37. Childhood dream: djkfl;d to be a boy and to make art 38. Hair color: i have never in my life been able to decide what color my hair is. i’m just gonna go with goldish brown idk that makes it sound light but it’s not idkkkk 39. Long or short hair: short short short short short 40. Do you have a crush on someone: no no no why would i do that 41. What do you like about yourself?: skin color, complexion, hair, eyes, idk man sometimes i like everythign about me and sometimes the opposite 42. Piercings: 2 on each ear 43. Blood type: idkkkkk 44. Nicknames? Ricky, Ericky, Eric, Ricks, Rosie, (btw pls don’t), Rosa, then what my parents call me, Rica Rose and Rosebud lmao. btw i prefer Rose, or Ricky, that’s fine too 45. Relationship status: jUsT mE 46. Zodiac: cancer 47. Pronouns: any 48. Favorite TV Show: I don’t watch tv much i spend all my time i have to waste reading articles but Doctor Who, Merlin, NCIS bc it’s a tradition in my family, ... 50. Right or left hand: left 51. Surgery: nope 52. Hair dyed in different color: i’ve had red, pink, purple, blonde, brown 53. Sport: lol when i was a kid i did dance and gymnastics (might i say, i was actually really good at that..) and in school i did volleyball (worst semester of my life), track, and powerlifting 55. Vacation: well i’m going to Europe during Christmas with my sisters 56. Pair of trainers: these are shoes right?? tbh i don’t care enough to answer i’m sick rn

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: well i’m vegan and let me just say i love mac n cheese 58. Drinking: just water 59. I’m about to: there’s a good chance i’m about to fall asleep here on the floor 62. Want: TO GET IT TOGETHER AND BE THE MOST PRODUCTIVE also i just wanna draw but i can’t get it together enough even to do that 63. Get married: probably out of the question, sigh 64. Career: i just wanna research physics stuff and sell art on the side ok 65. Hugs or kisses: kisses are nice in theory and i don’t understand the purpose of hugs also pls no 66. Lips or eyes: what does this even mean?? if i had one adn not the other that’d be weird. but eyes are nice 67. Shorter or taller: i’m shorter and i have no desire to be tall 68. Older or younger: i think 50-60 is such a beautiful age tbh but i like being my own age too. i can’t wait to have silver hair and be a Wise One like Gandalf. (okay yeah tbh i just wanna be gandalf) 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: i would just prefer to like myself 71. Sensitive or loud: i’m really not either?? 72. Hook up or relationship: neither???? i guess if i had to choose then relationship but only if it’s not a romantic relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: neither really..

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: why would i do that 75. Drank hard liquor: well if i did i don’t remember 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: when i was a kid i lost so many pairs of glasses my mom is convinced i threw them away 77. Turned someone down: is this not a common thing?? oops 78. Sex on the first date: i’m ace pls 79. Broken someone’s heart: ooooooooops 80. Had your heart broken: lmao yeah 81. Been arrested: noop 82. Cried when someone died: nope 83. Fallen for a friend: how can u fall for someoen who isn’t ur friend

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84: Yourself: yeah 85. Miracles: sure 86. Love at first sight: how many more questions about love are there?? also no that doesn’t even make sense 87. Santa Claus: ?????????????????? 88. Kiss on the first date: i’ve never felt the need to go on a date but if i did i think i would already know the person really well so it wouldn’t be weird so yeah sure buuuuut i’m not goign on any dates so it’s not happening\

OTHER: 90. Current best friend name: ideally, best friends live in the same city as u,,, and i have no friends here really,,,,,, i had a best friend when i was 4-6 tho. i mean. if anyone wants to be my bff lemme know that’d be nice 91. Eye color: dark blue green with gold specks 92. Favorite movie: lmao the lego movie

okay now i have to tag people??i hardly have any friends here on tumblr this is too hard but k lemme try

@iitwillbe @hermionesmenacinglook @introvertentropy @strawberrylovely @seoul-warrior @dont-give-a-bother alright i am 2 sick and 2 tired to finish goodnight

#look at this pointless thing i did #cool

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zukoofthenations · 7 years

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Chapter 3: Noren’s Tale

Read also on FF and AO3

Noren led Ursa and Zuko to a small, open-air serving area opposite the stage. The food it served was much plainer than what Zuko was used to: simple noodles with some pig chicken egg and Koala sheep sausages. For his hungry stomach though, it was the best food in the entire world. He dived in as soon as the bowl was set in front of him.

However, Zuko only got two bites in before his mother interrupted. "Zuko, what happened to your manners?"

Zuko looked up and noticed his mother was giving him The Look. He may not have been on the receiving end of The Look as much as Azula was, but he could sense his mother's disproval. Realizing what was wrong, Zuko guiltily straightened his back, made sure his chopsticks were in his hand properly, and made an effort to take smaller bites.

He also looked up at the man sitting across the table. "Thank you for buying us this food, sir."

Noren looked surprised when the boy addressed him. "It's no trouble. Zuko, was it? Feel free to ask for seconds, growing boys like you need to eat."

Zuko smiled, nodded, and continued eating, albeit at a politer pace.

Ursa watched the scene before her with humorous eyes. "You seem to have a way with children, Noren. Are you a father?"

Noren gave an uneasy laugh at that statement. "No, I'm afraid life hasn't led me down that path just yet."

Ursa took a bite from her food. "Well, you certainly would be well-suited for the role. Much better than my late husband."

Zuko froze just before he was about to take the next bite. Why was mom talking like dad was dead? Well, he had to admit he wasn't sure about seeing his father again anytime soon, but still…

Noren raised an eyebrow. "Did something happen?"

Ursa had another bite of food, looking pensive. "Let's just say my son and I need to make a fresh start somewhere far away from my in-laws."

Noren nodded, accepting this explanation. Zuko went back to eating.

When all of them were almost done with breakfast, Noren started the conversation back up again. "So tell me, do you have a favorite play?"

Ursa beamed. "Oh, that's an easy question. Love Amongst Dragons!"

Zuko just rolled his eyes. He was considering taking up Noren's offer for seconds, but decided that he was full enough and finding someplace to sleep took priority.

"Well, you probably already know this, but my troupe puts on that play every year. If you're still around in a couple of months I'd really appreciate it if you came by," Noren offered.

"Oh, I'd love to," Ursa replied. "I haven't gotten a chance to see a well-done production in years. I don't think Zuko has seen any plays outside Ember Island."

"Ah, I've heard that the troupe there is an embarrassment to the profession." Noren nodded.

Ursa smirked. "You know, your name seems like such a strange coincidence."

"How so?" Noren asked.

"In Love Amongst Dragons, the Dragon Emperor took the name Noren when he entered the Mortal World," Ursa explained. "Now you, a man name Noren, direct that very play. Unusual, isn't it?"

Noren wiped his mouth. "Well, you may have a point there, Ursa."

Zuko's mom stiffened beside him and stood up. "I'm certain I haven't introduced myself."

Noren seemed to realize he'd made a huge mistake. "Oh! I –"

Ursa pulled Zuko to his feet. "Zuko, we have to go," She turned to Noren. "I don't know what kind of game you're playing… Thank you for breakfast. Good day." She started to walk away, pulling Zuko along.

Noren stood up and called out to them. "Please, don't go! Sit down! Let me explain!"

Zuko looked behind at Noren, but didn't try to stop or slow down his mom. It's not like he really knew the man.

Noren took a deep breath. "When we were six, you kicked me in the stomach and pushed my face in the dirt."

Ursa suddenly froze when she heard those words. Zuko accidentally crashed into her from the momentum.

Noren started walking towards them. "When we were twenty-one, you shattered my heart."

Ursa turned around. "It can't be…"

Noren came up right in front of them. "And now, you're going to walk away before we even get the chance to have a proper conversation?" Noren looked Ursa straight in the eye. "My dear Ursa, don't you think you've hurt me enough?"

"Ikem," Ursa breathed.

Zuko didn't have any idea about what had just happened, but from the tears and smile on his mother's face he knew it had to be something significant.

Ikem led Ursa and her son to his home so they could talk in private. As soon as the stepped under his roof, Ursa realized that Zuko was practically falling over.

"Zuko, love, what's wrong?" She asked.

Zuko's eyes fluttered and he leaned more on her. "We've been up and walking all night, mom. I'm tired."

Ursa realized that he was right, and was tempted to slap herself not noticing sooner. She'd been running on adrenalin ever since she found out about Azulon's punishment for Ozai, but Zuko was still eleven and recovering from a major injury.

Ikem, being the absolute dear she'd fallen in love with, provided a solution. "Zuko, how about you take a nap in my bed while your mother and I talk?"

Zuko nodded and let himself be led into a bedroom in the back of the house. When Ikem came back, he whispered in Ursa's ear, "Let's go out to the prop warehouse so we don't disturb him."

Ursa nodded and followed him out that way.

When she walked through the familiar doors, Ursa couldn't help but laugh. "Look at all this clutter! I guess the new director isn't any more organized than Grandma Guchi!"

She soon zoned in on the masks that hung off the wall. Just seeng them again made her think of happier times. "These masks… They're so beautiful. When I was in the palace, I secretly had a set of these made to remind me of the acting troupe," she told Ikem. "To remind me of you."

As Ursa picked up the Dragon Emperor mask, Ikem came up behind her. "After you left, I died," he reminisced. "Not literally, but I may as well have."

Ursa turned and looked at her beloved. He looked so sad.

"Everyone in town knew us as Ursa and Ikem. Sometimes, folks would come up to me and tell me things would be okay, but deep down they knew they were lying," Ikem continued. "Other times, they wouldn't say anything. They would just stare, like I'd been disfigured. Maybe I had."

Ursa felt terrible for making him go through that. Ikem deserved better.

"It was too painful to stay here, yet it was the only home I'd ever know," he continued. "So I did what people do when they want to forget their own misery. I went down to Forgetful Valley."

Ikem took the mask in his hands. "And there – the most amazing thing happened. You know how people talk about the spirit world? Well, it's all true." He put the mask over his face.

"A powerful spirit walks through Forgetful Valley from time to time… and if you're lucky enough, she will give you a new face. A new identity, a new life! I came back to Hira'a as a different person."

Ursa removed the mask and touched her love's face. "It all seems so impossible. But here you are, right in front of me. My dear Ikem, with a new face." Her heart felt like it would burst with joy being right next to him. "Really though, why didn't you use your new life to marry and have children?"

Ikem closed his eyes. "Ursa, you know why."

A long time ago, back before Azulon and Ozai had ruined everything and Ursa and Ikem were still the town's favorite love story, he'd said that he would never be able to look at another girl since her beauty had ruined him. Ursa finally understood just how true those words were.

She looked back down at the mask. "So Ozai was lying, then. He never found you. Your new face kept you safe this whole time."

Ikem put his hand on her shoulder. "Ursa, tell me honestly, why did you escape the palace? Are you in danger?"

Ursa bit her lip. Talking about this to anyone could be dangerous in so many ways. But then again, this was her Ikem.

"Have you heard about how Prince Lu Ten passed away, and Prince Iroh retreated from Ba Sing Se?" she asked.

"I'd heard about the prince's death, but there isn't much news about the movements of the war here." Ikem replied.

Ursa took a deep breath. "Well, Ozai apparently tried to use his brother's misfortunes to take the right to the crown. Fire Lord Azulon took this to be a grave insult to his firstborn, and wanted to give Ozai a punishment that would fit his crime by killing Zuko."

Ikem's eyes were wide in shock. He almost looked a little sick.

Ursa wasn't done though. "I found out because Azula, Zuko's younger sister, had overheard their conversation and she was teasing her brother about it. I had no doubt that Ozai would do it: Azula may be a useful tool for power to him, but he has no love for Zuko. I thought about making a deal with Ozai or begging the Fire Lord for mercy, but that would only be a temporary solution. Even if Zuko's life was spared this time, he and Azula would surely be the victims of Ozai's quest for power again somewhere down the line. I had to get them away from there."

"I tried to escape with both my children, but Ozai must have realized what I was planning and was waiting for us. He tried to kill Zuko with fire, burning his face in the process. I managed to get him away, but I had to leave Azula." Ursa felt a few tears crawl down her face.

Ikem sucked in his breath. "I see. I thought Azulon and Ozai were evil for taking you away from me, but to try and do that to your boy…"

Ursa nodded. "Sometimes I still can't believe I tolerated that horrible man for twelve years."

Ikem turned his face and looked pensive. "That burn on Zuko's face, it's going to scar, isn't it?"

Ursa nodded again. "He'll have a reminder of how cruel his father can be for the rest of his life."

"You know, the spirit I met could help your son with that. Give him a new face, one without a scar." Ikem suggested.

Ursa's eyes widened. "You really think so?"

Ikem nodded. "She could also give you another face as well, make it easier to hide from Ozai. He could look all over the world for you two and he'd never find you, because your faces don't exist anymore."

"Or I could return to the capital, get Azula out of there. She wouldn't recognize me, but at least she'd be safe and away from Ozai's influence…" Ursa considered.

"Or, you could start a new life here," Ikem suggested. "With me. We'll say Zuko's father passed away in the war, and you and I met while traveling. We could get married, and start the life we thought we'd have before this whole thing started."

"I don't know, Ikem…" Ursa was pretty sure that Ikem's plan was too good to be true. "I have to think about my children."

Ikem looked heartbroken.

Ursa took his hand. "Come on, let's go see that spirit of yours."

"Alright," Ikem nodded. "I need to arrange for the troupe to practice without me for a while, you should gather some supplies and wake up Zuko."

#Zuko #Ursa #noren #avatar the last airbender #atla

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angisam · 7 years

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you wild side

Chapter 4 - The Non-Existence

tumblr 1 / 2 / 3

tumblr (español) 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5

tag chapter: underfell (au community) wolvesfell( au and charater @sanspar)

uf!sans , wolvesfell!pap, non-existence, Beartler

note: my english is bad I hope you won't have problem to read it

"Hurry up! They can't escape!" - Bearlte's shouts could be heard uncomfortably close by was a clear sign that they should accelerate the pace.

"C'mon Bossy, We should sidetrack them already! Hurry up ! "The beast growled at him complaining of the comment. Sans clung as he could to the back of the other didn't even know how he could continue to cling to him taking the strides he gave trying to dodge all the obstacles he found in the forest. Little by little the trees began to become less frequent until they disappeared almost completely, giving way to a large white meadow. "Tell me you know where we're going in?!" He looked up and smiled with total confidence - oh no ... he knew that face, Papyrus would do that face when he do madness. When he look back, he notice that Bearlte appeared with four soldiers from the forest left behind, now that there were no obstacles in between, it was only a matter of time before they were powdered. "!we have to!…. No ... you won't be able "- Bossy increased speed in response. His grip tightened- "oh for Asgore I guess it's better than dying devoured by dogs" - in the background was observed how the land had long ago split apart in two halves; A cliff appeared before his eyes.

Each time they were closer to reaching them one could hear their tired breaths. "Stop! It's an order! "- ordered the Mighty Bear monster, but it was too late. They had already jumped the great and impressive ravine. The jump was incredibly powerful, despite that, wasn't enough to avoid the blow he received in the ribs after landing on the same edge of the other end. It was noisily painful it was so dry that the rider gave a full turn before sliding down the floor. When Sans looked up he saw Bearlte standing at one end and watching with his great and fearsome mace surrounded by four guard dogs and at the other end Pupyrus trying desperately to climb. "Damn it!" The monster skeleton rose quickly to To succor his hairy brother. I grabbed his jacket but it was too heavy for him. The other tried desperately to climb but his legs couldn't grab at anything the rock would come off at every attempt. There was a dreadful snarl and then a sharp blow to his side they both looked at the direction where it occurred and before they could really perceive that Bearlte threw their mace at the other end the ground cracked around them falling down the deep cliff.

Two days before

There is a lot of noise around him. Sans doesn't know where he is, the last thing he remembers is to have fallen asleep at the sentry station and to have woken up in a place full of smoke with people screaming nothing coordinated with a loud alarm. he was in a bad way shortened on a hard cold ground and a red light with an appearance pattern banged his eyesocker uncomfortably. Never in his life had he been so confused and sick, he felt like ... like .... It was indescribable. It was like if he had been thrown into a tornado while his ribs is hit their . He repositioned himself to sit down and made an effort to assimilate his surroundings, it was the most grotesquely realistic nightmare he had ever dreamed of. "! HERE AMONG THE SMOKE! GETTING IT "- wait ... were they referring to him? - can hear the floors of several monsters heading towards their position -" LOOSE THE NOOSES"- oooohhhhh shit they referred to him, confused with fear and with stressed, the last thing he saw before teleporting away from wherever he was looked up to a person tying a long stick with a bow at the premiere. Nop! Nop! Nop! The hard floor give way to the snow soft. Sans, still in his seated position, began to crawl backward until a solid wall prevented him from continuing. He tried to breathe as calmly as he could, questioning whether what he had just lived was only the product of a nightmare. Over time he forced himself to relax and inspect where he had stopped ... nice thing, he was leaning on one side of his house, between the house and the shed more concretely. It rises up little by little even having the discomfort of when it woke up in that place, bitter proof that that really happened. - I have to look for Pap- I think whatever that place is, it's something serious. He begins to walk towards the setting of his house using the wall as a support, he still feels like a shit but gradually disappears.

When it finally arrives it he escaba in his pocket to extract the key of house. But for some reason It doesnt work "fuck ... I'm not for shit, open fucking door!" - to despair begins knocking on the door and pulling the handle almost trying to pull it out, eventually surrender, whatever, there is nobody at home. He doesn't know what time it is but there are no lights inside, his brother must be on patrol or something. Well he could wait, so he would be more relaxed and could think things through. It time to go to Grillby's.

On his way to Grillby's tavern he noticed that some monsters were watching him closely, it wouldn't be the first time that some monster was spying on him, but at that moment it was different, his eyes were to mistrustful. Sans noticed it but decided to believe that it was his imaginations so accumulated stress in such a short time, so that being watched was not something so unusual.

When he entered the bright and warm tavern, he found the same customers in their respective seats, counting the royal guards of Snowdin. That meant Papyrus would have finished his patrol hours ago .... It also meant that he would have to listen to the reprimands for not being in his station. Now more than ever he wanted a drink. But then? Where was him? Undyne. Probably called him on some matter maybe to train, well, it didn't matter, it would be late. Before going to the bar and asking for something he approached to ask Dogamy and Dogaressa to assure his theory. "Hey, do you know where my brother is now?" - Great dog tilted his head and Doggo only directed the ears to where the sound came without looking away from the fan of letters, regarding the couple looked surprised and then "You're the first one we see, surely we would remember seeing a monster as you, hehehe," replied Dogaressa. What the fuck? What did that creepy tone come to? But instead of answering he simply preferred to leave the conversation had already had too many strange things for today.

He sat at the bar in front of the flaming violet monster, which kept drying a glass with a rag. "Grillby put me the usual, you can't imagine how my day has gone" - the other simply remained silent ,silently looking behind his sunglasses- "... and what is it the everyday?" - he frown while he kept his watch the fire "oh come Grill I'm not in the mood" - "... you're taking a lot of liberties runt " - "this is because of my tag ?, don't I always pay you ?" -they fire in front of him I stopped cleaning the glass, leaving it on the table while he was leaning one arm on the bar and the other I used it as a support to pose his head - "this is interests me now, is usually me who has to" refresh "the memory and not the Reverse, since we are what you owe me money mmm "-" ... what? ... "- his eye lights began to tremble" hey, are you bothering this appetizer? "- the other dogs laughed

the joke to Doggo. ENOUGH! A red light was the last thing they saw in the bar. Sans teleported to Waterfall, he had to find his brother, he only hoped that he and Undyne would know who he was.

he knock the door with pure terror in his hands. Out of the door came Undyne, who was looking at him with the face of few friends. Before she could say anything Sans stepped forward, "! Undyne tell me that you know where my brother is, something really fucked is going on and- "Before he could follow it the Captain she lunged at him, banging his skull against the ground. I grab him by the sweater from his lying position- "shut up! I dont get any more visits at this time of night, I don't know where the hell your brother is. "" Undyne for Asgore, I have to find him anyway! You have to - "- Undyne put his spare hand on her Teeth without any affection, he didn't need to open his mouth to speak precisely but the message was more than clear- "I see .... He is dead "-" WHAT !? "-" you arent the first one who comes desperate asking to find a missing family member, if you haven't found him until now,so he is dead, don't have much hope "- with that explanation she get off from above Sans and went back into houses.

He instantly got up "b-b-but I'm not- What's happening?" - again he teleported to Snowdin this time back to his house. He ran to the entrance, without expecting it, he found a giant bear monster opening the door. The little skeleton stared at him in horror, he was standing right in front of the door with a set of keys without noticing his presence. "Can I help you with something?" - well, maybe he already notice his presence - "..." - "I've never seen you around here is a bit dangerous to walk around these hours" - "I'm.. this-" "Yes? "-which I could answer-oh yeah, look me and my brother have been in that house for years but apparently no one remembers our existence-" yeah... I'm looking for my brother, I ... em think he's in Snowdin ... in some place "- sounded as the worst excuse in history but the other didn't seem to care or didn't notice -" I see ... "- began to rummage in his pocket -" look, I know you're worried but it isn't a good idea that monsters as you ronden at night "- the subject sack of the pocket 100 g-" W-What? "-" is for the hostal, it is at the other part of the town. There a point of transport there is behind the house in an igloo isn't lost "- where did this guy come from? Nobody gives money to strangers, the only way someone gives you money is with a beating before. "H-hey, thank you very much for your help, hehe" - "it's my job" - and with that last sentence he enter the house.

Sans kept looking at the bills that had been kind enough to give him. And if he didn't actually find his brother because he didn't exist. He had begun to tremble in his life he had been so afraid, to wake up in a strange place and never to have existed is never totally unlikely, but that is what was happening. There's something that big guy was right the nights are dangerous and he had nowhere else to go.

He intended to open the door of the hospal when he suddenly saw that in the other building the door was opened and he found another strange point to add to his day; a human .

The human noticed his presence and gasped in surprise, more than frightened, confused.

"S-San- ..." - the human being quiet suddenly and shaking his head he stepped back without believing what his eyes were seeing, starting to run out of Snowdin.

Did that human know who he was !?

#wolvesfell #underfell #fanfic #fanfic undertale #fanfic underfell

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mimmerr · 4 years

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#FoldingPaperProject: Cal and Felix: Part XIII

The following text is part of the #FoldingPaperProject. The project, set up by Molly (www.mimmerr.co.uk) aims to spread productivity, creativity and fun amongst the world’s current bleak state.

It works like the folding paper game we played at school, where one person draws the head of a character, the next person the body and so on. Whereas, we’ll be continuing a story.

You don’t need to be an accomplished writer. You don’t even need to be any good! You just need to be able to continue the story in four- five hundred words and post it on your site. If you don’t have a site, I’ll put it on mine for you.

If you would like to get involved, contact Molly @mimmerr or at [email protected] If not, read on and share the story via the #FoldingPaperProject hashtag. Happy reading and writing!

Previous sections:

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Part Five

Part Six

Part Seven

Part Eight

Part Nine

Part Ten

Part Eleven

Part Twelve

This section is by Harpreet

A few hours earlier...

‘Look, I can try to prove I didn’t do anything on my own, but I need you to trust me,’ said Felix pleadingly. Trust? Cal remembered back to the hickey on Felix’s neck that one night and the unusual scent he had. Was this the moment to vent his insecurities? It was all getting too much for him, he needed space.

‘I can’t do this right now. If you don’t leave right now, we will both say things we’ll regret. Give me an hour to think.’ Felix nodded slowly. He hesitated at the door, looking at the notebook, and then shook his head and left. It was unlike his usual energetic behaviour, then again, if he was telling the truth, I guess he was traumatised too. Thinking back to that evening, had there been blood on Felix? Maybe he was telling the truth.

Tired and confused, Cal flicked through the notebook when a photo flittered to the floor. He picked it up and horrified, stared at the familiar faces. His eyes burned as he stared at Nadia and Felix hugging in the bedroom window. Was this a sick joke? He could clearly make out the hotel window, just a few streets away from where they lived. After all this time, they had secretly been meeting each other behind his back?

Why would he trust anything that Felix said now? His chest felt tight and he was struggling to breathe. Breathe, Cal, breathe he kept repeating to himself. Just like any other day, he was alone again. He turned the picture over and it said 2/5 and had been dated 1 week ago. So much for Felix being over Nadia. Why did Nadia go through with this engagement? None of it made any sense.

He rushed outside to get some air, get away from this place that held so many memories of Felix. Cal walked past the small groups of people.

‘It was strange, Nadia was crying and then suddenly left for a few hours.’ Cal caught a glimpse of one of Nadia’s bridesmaids; The fairly small woman whispered to the man she was with. ‘She came back well past 4am and said she wanted to be left alone. Mike went into her room and she seemed perfectly fine after that. They are both meant for each other. They’re so cute, aren’t they?’ Cal stopped in his tracks, Nadia had gone somewhere no one knew and it seemed to fit the timing. Did Nadia and Felix plan this, what the hell was going on?

#foldingpaperproject

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drink-n-watch · 5 years

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Genre: Sports!, comedy, school, drama

Episodes: 25

Studio: Madhouse; TMS Entertainment

Gyon is a short king who’s tired of getting pushed around by the big boys. Actually, no one pushes him around, it’s all in his head. But can you blame him? After a lifetime of getting teased by and roughhousing with his enormous older brothers, he has developed a bit of a bias. And it doesn’t help when on his first day of high school he meets up with the tallest first year ever. It’s going to be alright though because Gyon just found out that even the little guys can make a big difference in rugby and he is psyched about joining Jinko’s perpetually losing team!

You know, there are certain sports I don’t mind watching. Football for instance (or soccer if you prefer) and hockey (duh). But I never really got into rugby. Nothing against it really it’s just that I never really bothered to learn the rules so I could never really figure out what was going on out there.

oh yeah…same here…

I can’t say there’s anything particularly special about All Out!! (Spoiler: this is going to be a running theme through this review). The production was in all aspects perfectly competent and pretty much what you would expect of a sports anime with a decent budget. It’s almost impressive how little I have to say about it.

I guess the one thing that occasionally stood out is the character designs. You had some sweet anime hair going on with characters like Sekizan and Ise and some weird alien eyes on Zanba. But even the relatively normal characters are drawn in this unusual exaggerated almost Bara shoujo style, with huge eyelashes and accentuated hourglass figures as well as massive muscles and square jawlines. They also blush all the time. I have a feeling this may be hit or miss with fans but it did give the visuals some personality at least.

This was important for me. I watched Hinomaru Sumo not that long ago and if it wasn’t for that one aspect, I could easily have mistaken one show for the other.

maybe try some Visine?

You know every time I start a Sports anime I go through the exact same mental ritual. In the first five minutes, I go “oh wow this is fun”. Then we usually meet the loud genki character and my suspicions flared up. After an episode, and every single trope in the playbook, I think to myself “all sports anime are the same”.

And they kind of are. I guess Yuri and Free broke the mould a bit by being dramas instead but even the fantastic Haikyuu still follows the same basic tropes and narrative structure most sports anime do. By now I can pretty much predict which characters will drop out, which will have a falling out with the team, who is going to get injured and which games they will win or lose within the first three episodes or so.

And All Out!! Was no exception. I had it sussed more or less from the start. I can’t say anything surprised me much.

surprise isn’t everything

There’s also a third thought that comes to me once I’ve established it is, in fact, a Sports!! Anime. And that’s: “I really like sports anime”! And All Out!! Was no exception.

I won’t lie. There’s nothing that special about the show. But it’s got the fundamentals down (that’s sports talk!) It did what I expected it to do in a pleasant entertaining way. I want to call it junk food, you know tasty but ultimately devoid of substance except eating too much junk food makes you nauseous and sick. It’s more like celery if you happen to really like celery. There’s not much to it but you can pretty much mindlessly consume it forever!

Well, that’s not fair, there is one thing unique to All Out!! It’s about rugby. That’s rather unusual. Not American football, actual rugby which I now know is not the same thing. (Don’t quiz me) I figure that for the 5 hardcore rugby and anime fans out there, this show will fill a very niche slot. As for me. I have never watched an actual game of rugby. And I doubt I will. But for some reason, the game episodes in All Out!! were some of the most interesting I’ve ever watched. Usually, the games I Sports anime are fine for me but I like the training and fallout more. When a game starts to drag on for multiple episodes, I get impatient or lose interest. But not this time. For once I was eagerly awaiting the next match and slightly disappointed when they were over. I can’t explain why maybe I just like rugby? You learn something every day!

oh Yeah!!!!!

So there you have it. Unless you’re a fan of rugby specifically or classic non-sexy sports anime in general, you can probably skip All Out!! For my part, I’m glad I saw it and enjoyed every second.

Favourite character: Yumie-chan!

What this anime taught me: goal/point/score/unit in rugby is called a try so when a person scores, their teammates say “nice try” as congratulations which is sort of the opposite of what that expression usually man’s and that made me happy.

“Write Drunk; Edit Sober.”

Suggested drink: Mudslide!

Every time Sekizan disciplines someone – take a sip

Every time Iwashimizu gets flustered – take a sip

Every time Sekizan gets crazy eyes – blink

Every time anyone says “scrum” – take a sip

Every time Ebumi gets mad – get some water

Every time Gion gets called small – take a sip

Every time there’s a super low tackle – stretch

Every time we see young Sekizan – wonder what happened to his hair

Every time anyone blushes – drink the water, you need to cool down

Every time it rains – wow so much water in this drinking game

Every time Mutsumi opens his eyes – gasp!

Of course, there are tons more pictures on imgur (here) and Pinterest.

All Out!! – The Elusive Rugby Anime Genre: Sports!, comedy, school, drama Episodes: 25 Studio: Madhouse; TMS Entertainment Gyon is a short king who's tired of getting pushed around by the big boys.

#All Out!!#anime #comedy #drama #School #Sports!

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readfelice-blog · 6 years

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moominland chronicles zwölf :: no more no poo

It’s not late today, I’m actually up fresh and early on a cold and clear Sunday morning, just listening to the new Aphex Twin EP ((Collapse)) (no bandcamp though, it’s warp, so here’s the best link: https://warp.net/news/aphex-twin-collapse-ep-out-now/ ) I’m playing it through my little blue bose mini, I got sick of hearing everything on my laptop speakers, its, hang on, it’s very hard to concentrate when listening to Aphex I’ve never heard before actually, I think I’ll change to Mary Lattimore (https://marylattimoreharpist.bandcamp.com ) or some calypso and leave this for later…

Very weird :slash: perfect, just wandered onto Bandcamp and they have a feature on Calypso on their home page, so rather than Robert Mitchum’s palatable western reincarnation of this musical style I’m going to listen to the genuine thing. Here’s the link, have a look yourself: https://daily.bandcamp.com/2018/09/14/calypso-classics-list/

Gosh I love that about life, little serendipitous moments that guide you along, there is serendipity on the internet to.

Ok, back to whatever I’m babbling about today.

I’m torn this morning as I sit in front of my laptop, do I talk about accepting my femininity? Do I talk about Hackney? Do I talk about saying no? Or do I talk about being an apothecary? Let’s go with the latter, it’s a nice tie in with last week and all the witching biz and Shakespeare quote. I will still be a feminine girl from Hackney that says no in 7 days time.

When I first met one of my Berlin mentors it was a typically unusual affair, I rolled up to the glass fronted roastery in Kreuzberg and discovered that our hair was not just similar, it was in fact identical, if you know me then you know that’s an extremely rare occurrence. I then proceeded to sit on a table by accident which collapsed, she laughed and I guess it was an icebreaker. She was wearing a gold necklace, some symbol I didn’t recognise, it sat proudly around her neck and as we wove our way around art and life it was hard not to notice that me and this woman both came from the same shimmering forest kingdom, two creatures chipped out of rose quartz meeting for the first time on the heat lashed streets of Berlin.

This meeting was supposed to be an interview by the way, it was my introduction into the sun.

What’s this got to do with being an apothecary Felice?

Well, on our verbal travails we of course touched on the subject of our hair, I can’t really remember what condition mine was in then; but her’s was defined, luscious and plump. She told me she had gone no plastic for several months and during this period had started to make her own beauty products.

“But doesn’t your hair get dirty?” I asked bewildered.

“I just wash it with bicarbonate of soda when its dirty.” She responded

And so began my curiosity in mixing up your own broths for all sorts of things, the chrome browser on my iphone suddenly became riddled with a myriad of womens battle cry, imploring me to try the no poo method, it makes your hair shinier! More luscious! You won’t recognise it! But first of all you have to go through 3 months of shit hair, before it magically recombines itself, as if it were a pokemon that would evolve, my jigglypuff hair could become wigglytuff hair, it just needed exposure to the great moonstone that is bicarbonate of soda.

Now months have followed this, in those months I have become a much more whole person, part of my time has been spent though not throwing clear jar’s away so I could store all sorts of unsavoury botched mixes within them.

First off, when I was ready, I took myself to the middle class mecca that is LPG Biomarkt on Kollwitzstrasse, for the first time, a wonderland of exorbitantly expensive tempeh, alkolholfrei bier, modest vegetables in wicker baskets and a rather large section dedicated to organic beauty products. I hummed and haa’d over coconut oil, (do I get the liter of cooking oil that costs half the price of the one next to the face creams? - I did) shea butter, wild honey (what is wild honey? Is this 4euro jar in my hand wild or not?), I touched and explored the scents of essential oils for the first time, nothing seemed good, but I love that rose argan pflegebalsam that cost 15euro I bought a week ago, let’s say I’m a rose girl.

Now I know to much rose scent makes me feel queasy: perhaps because I’m made from rose quartz, like asterix I can’t drink the potion.

Then there was the matter of soap, the eternal hunt for pure castile soap, I know I can buy it on amazon but I am stubbornly determined to find it in Berlin, alas LPG was not its keeper, so after nervously asking the shop assistant several times I settled on some pure soap bar instead, then I bundled up all my belongings and returned home.

Pure castile soap is already liquid, a soap bar is fat, so when I carefully spread my plunderings out across my work surface and started hacking at the soap it dawned on me that my body wash was going to be a little different, I spent a stupid amount of time melting it, putting it in a little food processor, returning it to the pan, in the end it smelt weird and didn’t look right, but stubbornly I poured it into what used to be a gherkin jar, let it cool, then screwed the lid back on and placed it in my bathroom, officially an apothecary now.

And I used it until it was finished, which took a while, always curling my nose up a little when I opened the lid, having to buy a loofah to spread it over as it wasn’t something I could casually lather myself up in. I’d also made some strange yellow goo out of beeswax and oil which felt waxy and also didn’t smell quite right, this was my body butter, to go with my body wash.

Time moved on, the cleaning job was awful then fantastic, then transcendent, I’d wash my tired sweaty body with this lotions and potions, never settling on quite the right smell but also adamant that there was nothing for me in DM (DM is the superdrug of Germany, but better, for anyone not familiar with German proprietors and confused by this reference) and I’d get this medley right in time, its a process, I get my art right with a little work, I can get this right to, Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Whilst this was all going on my hair was getting tattier and tattier, wiry, distressed, flat on top and scatty at the ends, but again, this is the interning I must do so one morning I wake up to gleaming locks, so full of body and rich in colour that others will fall back in admiration wherever I go.

Several saturdays were spent mixing up bicarb and water, scooping it into my hair and scrunching up my face because the salty mixture stung my eyes.

You can also make your own home cleaning products, did you know? Well apparently you can, vinegar, bicarbonate of soda and that elusive liquid soap, just spread it all over everything you own and hey presto, your house will look like it’s never been used.

So then I started to make really horrid mixtures to take to other people's houses, this was the beginning of the end really. For a week my poor clients were subjected to all sorts of strange concoctions and smells, yes it works, but the thing is its not some kind of miracle brew that you are making, its just odd smelling gunge that’ll make things shiny. And nothing, absolutely nothing, will mellow out the smell of vinegar, there is no essential oil on this fair planet of ours that can tackle the sickly nausea inducing fumes that enter your nasal passage when you spray vinegar all over everything, so I was in Wedding in a bathroom feeling like some kind of pioneer pretending that it wasn’t disgusting being bombarded with vinegar molecules left right and centre.

Vinegar makes your hair shiny, let’s try that then.

Then the bear enters my life again, because I invite him back in, because I miss his body and his mind and because I think I can balance him in my life now, there’s so much going on he won’t be the focal point anymore. He comes in, we lose ourselves together in the folds of passion and lie prostrate on my bed in the golden rays of late afternoon sun sinuously entering my little yellow bedroom, curled up together like lions.

Before he goes he remarks on my hair, like he always does, I make some comment about how the vinegar isn’t working and he smells it and agrees that it smells strange. The aroma of my hair has been an ongoing thing with the bear since we first met, it was also with the moon as well, as I use coconut oil and that tends to make its bouquet….. organic.

Actually vinegar made my hair sticky.

And that was the last nail in the coffin, officially, it had been dawning on me since one of my favourite clients looked a bit alarmed at the little tupperware box I pulled out of my bag, that perhaps it’s ok to use things other people have made.

You see the thing is, there are companies, good ethical companies, that have grown and been developed because they have a passion for what they do, because they have the time and resources to invest in developing something, they are the apothecaries.

I’m an artist / musician / cleaner, between these things I don’t really have time to brew strange things in my kitchen and then obstinately use them. Sodasun makes a gorgeously scented orange alles reiniger, frosch has a anti kalk spray which transports you to childhood: to a local newsagents where you’re tenderly picking rasberry sweets up and depositing them in a little paper bag, there’s a delicious verbena soap at bio company that I can’t stop inhaling. I think I’m ok with putting my trust in someone else to do these things for me, in fact I think that’s healthy, I make my thing, they make theirs and we exchange, because I don’t have all the time in the universe, I’m not a chef, I’m not a barista, I’m not a tinker, tailor, soldier or spy. I can customise and arrange and enjoy, but I don’t have to exercise total control over everything that comes in and out of my house from now on.

Though 3 stripes, leaping cats and big ticks are not things I need either, I can just put ribbons in my trainers myself and I don’t need 10 products that essentially do the job of soap and oil.

So I went and bought shampoo and conditioner after I met with my mentor, at that same roastery in Kreuzberg, this time we met to discuss the future of my cleaning, I needed her advice and support and she gave it to me, she has given me the wings I need and unlike Icarus, life has taught me what happens when you fly to close to the sun.

Right o, today I’m going to make some techno, have a stretch and clean my washing machine, its going to be a sublime carefree day of rest and creativity.

(Oh, by the way, I switched to Mary Lattimore in the end, spending time with an adept harpist whilst I write this has been lovely.)

#no poo #exchange #self growth #self care #felice zhukov

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