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ellievickstar · 1 year

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Nobody’s Choice

A/N: I am so sorry I ended part 2 in a cliffhanger…it was cruel…and…rude. I hope that this beautiful fic will…make up for my…wrong doings <3

Summary: When then mating bond finally snaps into place, what are you meant to do when you realise your mate has another in his heart, will you break it off to save yourself, or will your mate be able to save this heartbreak?

Request: N/A but highly anticipated.

Pairing: Azriel x Witch!Reader

Warnings: breaking of mating bond, talking to ancestors, major angst, cliffhanger, self-doubt.

My Masterlists & Rules

Part 1 — His Second Choice? // Part 2 — Your Choice.

~*~*~*~*~

"Azriel...I-" But something made you pause. You knew there was no way Azriel could be with you forever. You had seen the lingering glances he had given Elain. You couldn't deny that they shared a connection that you both didn't have...not anymore. However, Azriel was also a male of honour. If you wished it, he would never see Elain again, but how could you do that to him. He will eventually resent you for it, maybe not of his own accord, but with time. You couldn't rip away his will, but you couldn't give him what he wanted in this moment right now. Eventually he would realise that though you were mates, his heart belonged else where.

You looked down at the male again. And as you weighed your options carefully, you knew what you had to say, what you needed him to believe.

"Okay," You plastered a smile on your face, and in a split second you let a piece of happiness in all this sorrow slip down the bridge of the bond and slam into his side. It was enough for him to beam up at you, to sweep you into his arms as he celebrated. If only he knew that inside, you couldn't enjoy this moment with him. He thanked you, his eyes bright, and without a word he instructed you to get ready quickly, because he wanted to give you the best night you had ever experienced. Nodding, you shooed him away.

As soon as he was out of your sight, gone to prepare what he planned, you fell to you knees. Maybe, you could lie to yourself, but the second you awoke you could feel that spark of desire from his side of the bond, maybe it was so small that even he didn't know it was there, but it only takes so much for a spark to become a flame and a flame to become wildfire.

You had to let go of him, you had to break it. Break this damn bond that shackled you to him, break it, and return home. Ever since the war you itched to return to your own people, but stayed in Velaris because you had hoped that Azriel would choose you. It was naive and a ridiculous notion.

You remembered what you had said to your ancestor. You remembered her eyes when you asked that question. How do you break the bond? She had looked at you, sad and sombre. You knew you weren't the first witch to be soulmates with a Fae, and you wouldn't be the last to break the bridge between two souls.

You closed you eyes and with a wave of your hand, who you summoned, appeared. You opened your eyes and came face to face with none other then the suriel. It bent down to meet your eyes, and as you stood tall, folding your hands in front of you skirts, its eyes widened in recognition. "Princess-" "Queen. My mother died. But you already knew that," The Suriel was silent but nodded it's head, waiting for orders.

"I need you to tell me how to break a mating bond," Hearing that, The Suriel paused. It didn't want to tell you, after all, The Suriels prioritised their friend's wellbeing first. You had become friends with The Suriel species when you were eight, they were your friends along side you, and they were very protective. However, this was a question that you needed the answer to.

"A ritual, you can find it in your mother's library, but be careful little one, many have suffered dire consequences," The ominous warning sent chills down your spine, and you nodded. You weaved anew cloak from thin air and handed it to The Suriel, before it bowed and left. You sensed there was worry in its eyes, however, you couldn't care enough. You needed to do this.

With a wave of a hand and a flash of light, you looked around as your surroundings melted away and became something else entirely.

Home.

~*~*~*~*~

The walls were the same. So was the lighting. But the bookshelves were dusty, the table worn and on the verge of breaking, what once full of life, was now abandoned. Before the first war you had lived here, but after your people had abandoned this place, the knowledge with it. And now you needed one piece of information in the whole library.

As you scanned the endless stacks of scrolls and books upon books, stuffed onto shelves that looked like they were going to collapse under the weight of the books, you realised that you should have asked The Suriel specifically which book you needed to get. It would take forever to go through your mother's private library.

Cracking your knuckles and gritting your teeth, you approached the first shelf. This would take a while. But, it would be worth it.

The first hour went by with no luck.

The second hour you felt Azriel reach down the bond, you gently told him that you had plans and couldn't join him.

The third hour you finally found it.

"Oh for wickedness sake, it was here the whole time!?" You hissed as you realised that the spell you were looking for...was in your mother's old diary. Of course. You should have looked there first. Part of you wanted to throw the damn book across the room with how much time it took to find it. However, you calmed yourself. Now all you needed to do is get your hands on some damn salt...and a knife.

You conducted a few practice rituals to ensure that your magic was ready for the advanced spells, the sky had already darkened by the time you were ready to journey home. The journey back home was, tiring, after a full day of searching and rituals, you weren't exactly primed for spell-casting, especially not transportation spells. Then again, if you didn’t return, the night court would suspect you. So you prepared yourself for the exhaustion that would hit you the second you arrived.

But nothing would have prepared you for what greeted you the second you arrived.

Rhysand and Cassian were there…waiting. Their eyes were fuelled with anger as they stepped towards you.

“Where have you been?” Rhys demanded. Cassian stayed silent as his gaze stayed on you, surveying you for possible injuries. You fidgeted as you tried to take a stp back but you were stopped by two people behind you. Mor and Nesta.

“I was just…running errands.” “Don’t lie to me,” Rhys snapped. Your eyes shuttered. You looked down and cursed as tears began to stream down your face uncontrollably. Everything you had been keeping inside came down in waves, one after another.

Gentle hands guided you to sit as your friends surrounded you. “You can finally take control of all this, why do you hurt yourself?” Rhys prompted. You shook your head. No. There was no control in this situation. “I don’t want control, I want to let go,” You choked out, crying into the front of Mor’s dress. Nesta pulled back your hair and brushed through it, the action soothing your slightly. Rhys swore as he realised how miserable you truly were. Cassian was furious.

“I’m gonna kill Azriel,” He mumbled, but you stopped him. “No! It’s not his fault…besides, not all mates are meant to be,” You didn’t know whether you were convincing them or yourself. You only knew that you couldn’t tell them your plan. You were so…tired…

“I’m just gonna go to bed…can we do this tomorrow?” You asked. They all exchanged looks, but eventually, you were helped to your room, and it wasn’t long before you finally fell asleep.

~*~*~*~*~

“You are a child…remember…you are the descendent of the greatest kind in all on Prythian…you are their queen,” You looked away from your ancestor as you kneeled before her. “My heart tells me to stay, my head tells me to break it,” The Queen smiled as she looked down at you. It was a kind smile. Like no other, it was pure, and genuine and something in you warmed at that familial love that you missed so much. “And what of your gut?” You went silent as you looked down.

“I’m not sure…” You fidgeted again. “You know the consequences of breaking the bond, yes?” You nodded. Most witches died because of the absolute pain they went through. The only witches who could survive were those of the strongest blood. Azriel would feel the unbearable pain too but his chances of dying were slim as he was mated to a witch not a fae.

“What about your mate?” You asked her. Her face fell as her eyes seemed to flicker to hurt, sorrow. “He was a faerie…like yours…but different. He had beautiful red hair that fell to his shoulders and he could manipulate flame. I loved him…it was us against the world,” Tears seemed to fill her eyes. “We fought to be together and eventually, we were. I thought we were happy, I had four beautiful children, one was a true witch while two were fae and witch, the last on was a fae. It was two girls and two boys. We were a family..” She closed her eyes, a stray tear falling down her face.

“On day I came home early from the market with the children…and there he was. With his mistress. The fae female that his father had wanted him to marry when we first got together,” Her tone was bitter and your heart broke for your ancestor. “I left him…never heard from him again. But I do know that he ended up marrying that whore and having their own children.” She seemed to straighten. “I don’t believe that all fae males are that way…but you must understand. Just because he is you mate. Does not mean his heart will stay with you. Because we are not like them, we are witches, and for millenia we have been hunted and hated,” You nodded your understanding.

You had to remember. A comet could become a meteor. A candle could become a blaze. A male can be a monster. But when, does a ripple become a tidal wave? when does the reason become the blame? does a male become a monster?

She waved to you, dismissal as your vision of you surroundings began to darken. You were ready.

~*~*~*~*~

Dragging yourself out of bed at 3 in the morning was far from easy. But you needed to sneak out before anyone else was awake. You listened carefully to the house around you, keeping an ear open for footsteps or careful calculated breathing instead of the shallow breaths of deep sleep.

You were in the clear.

Silently, you waved a hand in the air as you summoned the portal to your home realm. It was time for you to finally...finally execute this plan. Humming, you smiled as you realised you'd finally be free. Yet something weighed down something made you want of pause and think of what could be. But as you looked into your memories, those thoughts, his heart, tears filled your eyes and you looked at your palms.

You didn’t understand. Was she prettier then you? Was it because she liked flowers not books, liked gentleness more then confidence? Was it because she was brighter? Softer on the inside? Or was it because she was still naive to the darkness of the world?

Why?

Why would the cauldron give you a mate that loved another?

That you did not know. But you sure as hell would do something about it. You drag your ass out of this bed and perform that damned spell, you would break this cursed bond then you would go home. To the people you hid so long ago. And you would rule with compassion and love. You would find peace in this chaos, find light in this dark.

A wave of your hand, an inhale and exhale. You closed your eyes for a second as you felt your surroundings shift and change, you held the book that you had grabbed tight to your chest and as you pealed you eyes open you knew exactly where you were.

The library might have restricted people from winnowing in, but faeries didn’t know how to ward of witch spells. You sifted through the pages, carefully, afraid that the book would fall apart in your hands, terrified that if you even blinked your plan would disintegrate before your very eyes.

You had to finish this.

A bag materialised from the air as you pulled out bright red sand. It was unique to your kind, specially made for rituels. This was no ordinary coloured sand. To your knowledge, specially taught witched had bathed this sand in powerful spell potions, they could be manipulated to follow any shape, as long as it was right. The sand would be able to activate the ritual, to break the bond.

You smiled as you reminisced over the lessons that you had learnt such information from, when your mother was still alive to chase you around the palace if just to make you sit down and listen for five minutes. Now, you would give anything to sit with her, to listen to her careful warnings, the soft lilt of her voice, or the firmness she held as she tried to dissuade you from doing anything mischievous. But that was a long time ago, and…she was long gone.

Your heart cracked.

You blinked back more tears as you finished pouring the last line of the symbol. It was a large circle that had symbols tracing the inside, slowly spiralling to the middle. It was very old language that loosely translated to ‘breaking mates’.

Taking a deep breath, you stepped in and as you dropped a strand of Azriel’s hair in the centre, one that you had picked up from his brush, light flashed. It was bright and it was hot, you flinched closing your eyes.

And screamed.

~*~*~*~*~

It was unbearable, the pain. It was endless, it was torture, it was everything and nothing all at the same time. You screamed louder, screamed even as your throat was dry and hurt like hell. You screamed as the pain seemed to stab you over and over again. Screamed as you fell to your knees, barely being able to handle the torture that was punishment for breaking a fated bond.

Azriel’s POV

My eyes flew open as pain began to grew in my chest. It burnt, burnt like the fire that had lit my hands up all those years ago, it speared my soul and I watched in horror as a thread seemed to be materialising from my chest, it was going somewhere.

I barely managed to stand as I stumbled through the door, hand gripping onto that thread, some part of me knew, something was wrong with Y/N.

I made it to Cassian’s room, pounding on the door even as the pain seemed to rip me apart. He opened the door after a few minutes, his eyes heavy from sleep, and I saw Nesta behind him, annoyed. But as they saw me in my state of distress, saw the bond that had somehow shown itself clear as day, they immediately jumped, Cassian rushing to support me, Nesta running to where ever the thread was leading to.

“The library! Hurry!” She hollered back at us. Cassian let me lean against him, we seemed to have woken the whole house as I heard Nyx begin to cry from all the commotion. Rhys winnowed in front of us, if looks could kill we would both be dead, but his demeanour shifted, rushing to help Cassian with my other side. Cassian grunted out the location and Rhys nodded. However, nothing in all 500 years of training could have prepared us for what we would see.

When we entered the library, my knees were ready to give out, I watched, terrified, and my gaze was hazy as I looked to see Y/N, in the middle of a spell. It had to be. I recognised the sand from the times she had been talking about her abilities. But what was she doing. My head pounded and as I read the old language that Amren had taught me, my heart dropped.

I reached out, wanting to hold on to that bond, but as Y/N looked at me, after what seemed like an eternity, through that blinding light, blood dripped down her nose.

Drip.

Drip..

Drip…

And the pain stopped as I collapsed, screaming being the last thing I hear as darkness consumed me.

~*~*~*~*~

taglist: @azriels-mate123 @penguinsworldsblog @hannahx1111 @jacksonpleasestopkillingme @positivewitch @happyseadreams @fuckthatfeeling @meritxellao @xiangping-28 @clarkie-carmody-blog @aroseinvelaris @azrielhours @shadowsinger-654 @azzydaddy @nisa-wisa @cosmic-whispers @cat-or-kitten @thecraziestcrayon @thegirlintheshadows101 @marina468 @act1839 @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @holywolfsstuff @gengen64

(If your user is in bold I could not tag you, sorry T^T if you want to be tagged please specify in the replies <3)

A/N: HAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAH HOW YA LIKE ME NOW!? I love you guys…but you really didn’t think I wouldn’t end part 3 in a cliff hanger? After part 2!? Think again :D Love you guys, thanks for all the support <33333

Part 3 out now

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zecretsanta · 1 year

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to: skylar @agentdate from: @kayzero Hi! Sorry if I twisted your prompts into something unrecognizable!

(prompts: post ztd sigma struggling to fit in + anything with d team being family)

In a base built into a crater on the moon, Akane Kurashiki heard Sigma Klim take a shuddering breath and knew that the Shift was successful. He was laid in bed in the hospital room behind the divider, and she could hear the rustling of sheets as he reacquainted himself with his circumstances.

She was also close enough to hear a muffled thud, the back of his fist hitting the mattress, most likely, and a barely audible growl. A failure, then. Pitiable, but there were other realities where he could have succeeded.

Akane waited exactly a minute, as was customary between them, before crossing the room and peering past the divider. Sigma was still visibly upset — interesting, considering how composed he was normally. Perhaps because the most recent failure was so final, there was no need to hide a negative reaction.

He looked up to see Akane, and tried to fix his features. A prominent scowl still remained, however.

“I’ll assume, since I’m here, that the Game was successful. If you don’t mind, I’d like to wait to debrief.”

“Of course,” Akane replied. And then, just to make sure, she said, “I would like to hear just a bit about your end of things.”

The scowl grew into a snarl for a split-second before Sigma closed his eyes to compose himself.

“I suppose there are two things I can impart before a full debrief. First, as far as we can tell, Radical-6 was never released.”

Oh? The project was successful? Then why was Sigma so…

“Secondly, the younger me missed the mark. By a full year.”

…Ah. A year with his young love, and then cruelly torn away.

Akane supposed she would be irate as well.

Sigma woke up in the past completely whole with a pair of babies in his arms. This was surprising on a few levels. The first was that he wasn’t missing any of his body parts — he knew his arms and eye had been replaced, and he assumed it was after whatever had happened in the Mars habitation experiment, but that appeared to not be the case.

Secondly, the wriggling infants that were exploring his face, frozen in fear like it was. Nobody told him to expect babies! He knew that they were reactive to people’s emotions so he was trying not to panic but it was getting harder because they were starting to notice his mild hysteria—

“Oh dear, did they wake you up?”

—and then he was saved. By a kind-looking redhead wearing a long skirt.

Now, he knew he was wrong, but he had to ask to make sure.

“Luna…?”

She looked shocked for a moment, then snorted and dropped her face into a hand, shaking with laughter. When she came back up, wiping a tear from her eye, she was muttering, “Of course. You would know yourself best, wouldn’t you?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Nothing, just a bet I lost with your other self.” She came over and took the babies from Sigma one after the other before introducing herself.

“My name is Diana. It will be a pleasure getting to know you, Sigma.”

He was taken aback. Not just by her kindness, but also…

“You sound so sure of that.”

She just smiled, just a little sad, and said,

“I am sure of it.”

Apparently, Sigma shared an apartment with Diana and her twins. And apparently, that apartment belonged to a compound owned by Crash Keys. Diana recommended that Sigma go and talk to Akane.

To better center himself, she said.

To figure out what he’s supposed to do now that there’s no apocalypse, he heard.

And wasn’t that a nice surprise, to find that the purpose of a nigh on torturous experiment was well and moot, to find out that Radical-6 had not only never escaped, but there had been no evidence to suggest that it had ever existed in the DCOM facility in the first place!

Yes, Sigma is happy that the world isn’t being destroyed. But now he’s just…

Lost. Without purpose.

He could go back to college? He’d only been missing for a few months, it wouldn’t be hard to get back to… normalcy.

What even was normal, anymore? Were the last two days just a dream?

Did he dream up Phi?

(He wanted to ask Diana about Phi, if she knew her, if she was part of DCOM, but something in the back of his head screamed that it would be a terrible idea, so he listened.)

Anyways. Akane.

She was supposed to be somewhere downstairs in the underground portion of the compound. Constantly working, Diana said, which matches Sigma’s perception of her in the future. Someone who was willing to let themselves be killed for a greater good doesn’t seem like someone with a good work-life balance — not that he’d say as much to her face.

Thankfully, for whatever reason, the compound was empty, so Sigma was able to just peek into rooms until he found one with a young woman hunched over a laptop typing furiously and a young man lounging in a chair behind her. It’s him that noticed Sigma first, standing awkwardly in the doorway trying to find a way to ask if this was the right room, and it’s him that snorted and shook his head.

“Hey, what do you know, it actually happened.” His comment makes the woman, hopefully Akane, look up from the laptop, take a single glance at Sigma, and sigh despondently before immediately turning back to her work.

“Uh, what happened?” Sigma’s forced to ask, still stuck in an awkward limbo.

“You Shifted back,” probably-Akane mumbles behind her screen. “We weren’t expecting it. It was mentioned offhand as a possibility, but not ever considered reality. Until now, I guess.”

“Wait, but me Shifting back was always the plan…”

“Well for starters, you’re a year off,” the guy takes over. “You were supposed to land in apocalypse-torn 2029, and instead you’re here, in hunky-dory 2030.”

“Aoi,” Akane says with a bit of reproach, then leans back away from her laptop to continue. “We were also discussing the possibility of this being too far of a branch timeline for you to be able to travel to, but obviously that theory was wrong.”

That part confused Sigma. If not having an outbreak of Radical-6 was enough to shift the timeline so far that he couldn’t return, then what was the point of Shifting back in the first place? That was the whole point! To prevent the outbreak! Which meant that if older Sigma did his job, this Sigma wouldn’t have a purpose at all. That was enough to try and deny the reality staring him in the face.

He tried to laugh it off. “I know that Shifting back and forth would create divergent timelines, but isn’t that the point? To make a future that isn’t ravaged by Radical-6? How could this branch be so far off that I wouldn’t even be able to land here, y’know?”

“That’s fair…” Akane agrees, putting her head in her hands in a way that really highlighted the bags under her eyes. “I guess he thought that between becoming a father and facing down a new apocalyptic threat, there might be enough interference to throw you off? I’m not really an expert on timeline theory…”

…Okay, one of those things was more important than the other, but Sigma really wanted to ask about the less important one. He refrained, though. “A new threat?”

“Yeah — we actually got the information from Zero, or Brother, as you’d know him. Some cultist or another trying to restart the world.”

“A cultist who was bent on ruining the world is telling us that a different cultist wants to ruin the world, is that what I’m hearing?”

“Yes, it does sound ridiculous when you put it like that, but the evidence is compelling.” Akane turned the laptop around, and you took a glance at graphs and data that didn’t have the attention span to look into at that moment. “Someone else is tapping deep into the Morphogenetic Field and taking advantage of people in a way that worries me. And according to the information we were given, he has the ability to twist other people’s minds using the Field.”

Okay, so it was real as far as Akane knew, and it sounded serious. “How can I help?”

“Uh, well—”

“From where I’m sitting,” the man, Akane called him Aoi, cut in, “you’re missing about forty-five years of credentials.”

“Aoi!”

“No, he’s right,” Sigma interrupted Akane. “The other me has decades more experience than I do, that’s an unavoidable fact. But he’s gone now — and I’m here. I can’t imagine he would just sit back while all this was happening, what was he working on?”

Akane growls and rubs the bridge of her nose between her knuckle and thumb, but answers regardless. “His idea was to use machinery to get close to the cultist. An android of some kind. He was working on a robot that could pass for human that could serve as an infiltrator.”

“Oh, that’s a genius idea! It gets around the issue of corruption through the Morphogenetic Field entirely by not using a human brain!” Sigma ignores the fact that he has zero knowledge of programming or machine learning, and barely any experience putting a robot together in the first place. “Do you have any of his work that I can look over and get a base?”

“We can have a laptop ready for you tomorrow,” Aoi declares, to Akane’s sigh. “In the meantime, why don’t you get acclimated to the area and the compound? Settle in a little.”

“Yeah, let me… Let me go do that.” Acclimate to… what, fatherhood? Oh, Jesus… “See you tomorrow.”

There are two symbols on the door that Sigma’s been staring at for the past four and a half minutes.

Two Greek letters, Delta and Phi.

It could be a remembrance sort of thing. Delta means change, right? ‘We must change so what happened to Phi won’t happen again.’ That’s what Sigma’s afraid of. It’s possible that there could have been a Delta in DCOM that died with Phi. Diana and the other Sigma would have wanted to remember both of them so they carved their Greek symbols into their door.

There really aren’t a lot of reasons to carve something into your door, Sigma thinks.

Diana or other Sigma could just really like Greek lettering, that’s always a possibility.

Five minutes, now. Sigma is officially stalling on going inside.

He knows it’s the right door, he took note of the carvings as he was leaving earlier in the day so the sameness of the compound isn’t what’s preventing him from entering. Nor is it the prospect of the tiny children actually being his tiny children — not totally, at least. He’s a few months late to the process, but he’s sure he can learn how to be a father. Feeding and changing babies is kind of like maintenance of hardware and maintenance is integral to engineering. Babies don’t scare Sigma.

Diana, on the other hand.

It’s not that she scares him, per se. It’s the implication, the relationship she must have had with the other Sigma to cause the tiny children to exist in the first place. The expectations she must have for him, now that he’s here, back in his body, after she had a harrowing and bonding experience with the older him.

…But she seemed so earnest earlier, wanting to get to know him, rather than looking at him like he was an invader in the body of someone she loved. Maybe he’s afraid of himself, rather than her expectations. He’s afraid of not being good enough.

Six minutes now. Stop stalling, Sigma.

The doorknob turned — he was surprised that he was surprised, maybe he believed in the bottom of his heart that he is an intruder after all — and the door swung inward, letting Sigma in to close it quietly behind him. He could hear Diana shushing a whimpering twin in the room just past the entryway 1-as he entered.

“I know Delta, I know, but you have to settle down, you don’t want to wake up Phi, do you?”

Oh, well that explains it.

Sigma moves from the door into the apartment proper. Diana is sitting on the couch, facing away from him, but the baby, apparently Delta, sees him immediately and exclaims, waving their pudgy little hand excitedly. This, of course, makes Diana turn her head around to look at you.

“Oh, Sigma,” she says, standing up. Sigma’s arms seem to move on their own, grasping the baby and cradling them in such a way that they’re up by his face, eagerly grabbing onto his ear. “I didn’t hear you come in.”

“It’s a habit I picked up,” he explained, sitting down with her and readjusting Delta. “I had a roommate with a nasty noise sensitivity — closing the door too loudly would hurt him, apparently.”

“Oh, wow.”

“I imagine that forty-five years in isolation would make the other me kinda blind to stuff like that, you seemed kinda shocked that I even could be quiet.”

Diana raises a hand to cover her mouth, but Sigma can see the corners of her lips turning upward.

“Yes, he was a bit of an elephant coming and going, but the twins enjoyed it, loved seeing him come in. He quieted down when it was time to put them to rest, though, he wasn’t completely without discretion.”

“Oh, I didn’t mean to—”

“I know, I know. It’s a bit funny how different the two of you are.”

Forty-five years will do that to a person, he doesn’t say. Instead, he asks about the door.

“Which one of you carved the, uh, the symbols, in the door? They’re the names of the twins?”

“Oh? You saw those?”

“It’s how I can tell the doors apart up here.”

“They are a bit samey, aren’t they? Yes, well, he took the twins to the park that’s nearby to give me a little bit of a break, but I got a bit stir-crazy, and like you said, the doors all look the same up here, so I took a penknife and decorated a little.”

At some point during the conversation, Delta’s little hand fell from Sigma’s ear to his shoulder and, looking down at them, he noted that the baby had fallen asleep. He gestured to them with his chin and Diana gently took hold and stood up, walking to the bedroom, presumably where the crib was.

Sigma followed, body on autopilot. He wanted to ask why Diana didn’t tell him that he was the father of the twins, but he couldn’t formulate the question without sounding accusatory, and the last thing he wanted to do was verbally assault such a kind woman. So when Diana came out of the room and closed the door, Sigma asked the other question on his mind.

“How did they get their names?”

Diana stopped walking, halfway to the kitchen, and seemed to shudder in place. Sigma wanted to move and help her, but she shook her head as if to clear it.

“Delta came second, we wanted his name to match Phi’s, and Sigma wanted to name him after me, so we ended up using the Greek letter D. For Phi…”

She stops again. Sigma takes a step closer, hesitant, and ignores the blaring in his head to ask the question.

“Did something happen to Phi?”

There was a pause, during which Sigma took another faltering half-step before Diana choked out an answer.

“We don’t know — I don’t know. We woke up during the game and she was just — gone. Phi was gone, Akane had escaped, and we were trapped in that facility for-for-”

Her choking picked up and turned into a cry. Sigma’s body moved on its own, gathering her into his arms and stroking her back.

“I gave up on Akane coming back for us,” she sobbed into his chest. “We ran out of food three days before she showed up, I didn’t have anything to feed them with! He was trying, God knows he was trying, but he’s just so pragmatic and everything he was saying was so morbid and-and-”

There were no more questions that night. Only Sigma holding Diana as she released sorrow at least months old.

The park was nice, Sigma supposed. He went the next day to get away from the compound, from Akane and his potential worthlessness, from Diana and the hole he couldn’t quite fill. He wanted to get away from existential crises brought about by circumstances out of his control, from different apocalyptic situations than he was mentally prepared to face.

He wanted to get out from the other Sigma’s shadow. He couldn’t quite manage.

But at least the park was nice.

It was a small, grassy thing, with stone benches surrounding a slide and a swing set. The swings had a small little baby seat, so Sigma could see why it would be a good place to bring the twins.

He didn’t, of course — it would defeat the purpose.

“I’m sorry, but do you mind if I sit here?”

Sigma was snapped out of his thoughts by a face that made his left wrist itch. He shouldn’t be so suspicious — Akane said Brother was dealt with, and any guy could have blonde hair, blue eyes, and a slim face.

However, Sigma’s eyes did rove over all of the empty benches around the park, then return to the man with a raised eyebrow.

“Sorry, it’s just, I could really use the company right now, is all. If that’s okay! If it’s not, feel free to—“

“No, it’s fine. Have a seat, I guess.”

They sat in silence for a while, but either because Sigma felt awkward brooding with an audience or because his curiosity overwhelmed him, he simply had to ask.

“Sorry, but why?” The man turned his head with a confused look in his eyes, so Sigma elaborated. “Why didn’t you want to be alone, I mean. I’m sorry if that’s—“

“No, no, you had your day disturbed, the least I can do is tell you why.” He sat back on the bench and looked up at the sky, searching for the right words to say. “I was a caretaker for someone for a number of years, and they died recently.”

“Oh, I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you for your kindness, but, well, it wasn’t as if it was unexpected. The man was well over a hundred. Still, he was a constant. Something expected, right? And now he’s gone. I’m just — having a bit of trouble finding where to go from here. Should I become a caretaker for someone else? Would that be disrespectful? Being alone leaves me with all sorts of questions.”

“I understand that feeling,” Sigma admitted, more to himself than his conversation partner. “Being lost, not knowing the next step. I don’t know if the opinion of a stranger means much, but if you’re a good caretaker, and it certainly sounds like you are, it wouldn’t be disrespectful to find someone new to take care of.”

“See, I would have never gotten that wisdom had I chose to sit alone today. Thank you for that. I know Delta would hate it if I was mourning him for too long.”

“Delta, huh?” That was the name of one of the twins, right? Sigma’s… son. “That’s a good name.”

“It is. A symbol for change and adaptability.” The man stood and turned to leave. “I hope whatever situation you’re stuck in changes for the better.”

“Thank you…”

He walked off, leaving Sigma sitting on the bench for a moment before deciding to leave as well.

Diana mentioned that she was going out with the twins and gave Sigma a key for the door, so he was unsurprised to see that the apartment was empty.

But there was a laptop on the coffee table, with a note taped to the top.

‘This is the laptop that Sigma was using to work. No password to get in, not sure why. There are also some notebooks and stuff down in his workstation if you need them. —Akane’

No password? Well, if it was supposed to be a work laptop with the intention of saving the world from an apocalypse then it makes a bit of sense to keep it open…

It almost rings true, but Sigma doesn’t think that’s all there is to it.

Oh well, at least this way he doesn’t have to solve some kind of puzzle to get working. Sigma opened the laptop to a file directory.

In the directory were all sorts of blueprint files and coding files and other things that made Sigma’s eyes swim. But there was also a text file titled ‘Checklist,’ which Sigma could easily relate to — he started every project with a task list, and it seemed that didn’t change as he got older. So he opened the list.

ai code—c housing blueprint—c model blueprint—ipr ABT—c mat list—c housing—ipr model—nst

He even used the same code for the list — complete, in progress, and not started. And it seems like everything that needed forty-five years of experience was already done! Sigma wouldn’t have been able to code an artificial intelligence or develop biological tissue, but he could finish a blueprint for a robot and then put it together!

Was that the natural progression of work, or did the other Sigma prepare in case the Shift did happen? Either way, this Sigma was grateful as hell!

The door opened, and he turned his head to see Diana walking in with the twins in a carrier.

“Oh, hello Sigma.”

“Diana! I…”

He could have said any number of things then.

He’s able and willing to help Akane. He’ll try to be a stellar father for Delta and Phi. He knows he isn’t the other Sigma and he can never truly fill those shoes but he’s going to try his best.

But in the end, he could only say,

“I’m looking forward to getting to know you.”

#submission #zero escape #zero time dilemma #virtue's last reward #ztd spoilers #vlr spoilers #agentdate #kayzero

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everafterkeiji · 3 years

Note

Hi can i request a hcs for itadori,megumi and gojo react to their s/o death?.

Please Feel free to ignore this request if its triggering or u don't feel like writing it! Thank you<3

i love angst requests so it's really okay with me! thank you so much for requesting (ngl i did cry thinking abt yuji) and i hope u have a lovely day even if this was incredibly sad

𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇

PAIRINGS: JJK BOYS x gn!reader

CHARACTERS: Itadori Yuji, Megumi Fushiguro, & Gojo Satoru

WORD COUNT: 2.7K

WARNINGS: heavy angst, character death, mentions of blood and panic attacks, as well wounds and bruises. mentions of Shibuya arc/implied location in Shibuya during that arc.

⟡ 𝐈𝐓𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐑𝐈 eyes dared to erase the sight ahead of him, his body was frozen—every sense began to fail for its purpose and nothing else was responsive except for the shout of your name that echoes through the battle field, the level of immensity to his voice that covers his throat with pain as every pace towards you was a step leading to a waste of a second that terrifies him the more his being tugged away by his own fears.

Dropping to his knees, he was numb to the sensation of the ache overwhelming his legs while he craddles you in his arms as every part of him shook with uncertainty, his hands didn't have the courage to hold you with as much as strength as he should've.

"..Y/N?" He whispers, a croak to his voice as if it was barely alive with droplets created from his sorrow began to trail down your cheek whilst your blood paints his hand in a hue he never expected to come from you. His mind was in the midst of being empty to a havoc that wanted to deny every rage in his system so he could love you even if he could tell how your chest wasn't rising the way it was supposed to do.

"Love?" Yuji calls out one more time as your eyes flutter subtly, signalling him not even an assurance for your state. His hand falls to your cheek, not caring if he couldn't hold you weakly because what matters more is that you held onto him. He painfully leans his forehead on yours, a loud sob escaping him with a struggle to catch up with his breath.

"Don't let me go, don't ever leave me, I beg of you, God!" He shouts as the gods grow concerned of the boy whose heart was wrecked to every piece as the sky began to cry with him. "Save them— God— Please! Stop taking everyone that I love and let me come with them." He begs, as he pulls you more as if the distance could've helped him better because even when you were close to him, he knew you were already at the farthest place that he couldn't reach. All that could be heard from him were screams where he forfeited ever begging for your life when everyone around seems to follow in your path.

"I'm so sorry, my love." Itadori confesses, arms tight around your figure as every beat of his heart began to die with you when all the seconds that he seemed to waste without you by his side began to haunt him. If he had gotten there sooner, maybe then he could've reminded you one more time that you were the energy—the surviving light in his life for him to exist without being told of his faith.

"I love you—so much so please remember that even when you're away." He couldn't even explain how his words manage to fall in such a manner, he could've sworn a second ago he only wanted to let time freeze so he could deny the view of your lifeless body that he miserably failed to save from the hands of death.

"I promise you, in the end, I'll be with you soon, Y/N." Itadori places a delicate kiss to your forehead, having no courage to leave the contact of your skin to his as his eyes went with the rain that poured over the two of you. He intertwines one of his hands with yours, shivering at the temperature he faces but with the other hand, he rests it on his cheek. Maybe if you looked at him now, you'd want him to smile because if you were the source of his reason to exist, Yuji's smile was the one to let your hearts worries disappear but sadly, the source has been removed from him and nothing else in the world could ever bring the joy in his smile no more.

"All I've ever wanted to do was to love you, so I hope you're willing to wait because when I see you.. I'm gonna embrace you with everything I've got," He then kisses the hand intertwined to his before he achingly pull his hand away and the regret closing on him but he had no other choice.

"And love you again and again, Y/N. Always and.. forever—like what we promised." Yuji, as torturous it was to let you go, he sets your hand that was on his cheek to your chest just like he did with the other before he ends his goodbye with a lasting kiss to your cheek.

"Stop crying, Yuji! C'mon smile for me, will you? I didn't come here to see you all gloomy."

And with the remaining memories left for him, it began to be the weak strings for his heart to compose itself because if he knows one thing that you hated, it was the sight of him crying.

So he smiles, the everlasting wish of yours being granted even if his body was corrupting as the love of his life enters a new realm where forever was possible for the both of you.

"We'll meet again, my love."

As he stood up, he hesitates to turn his back on you but once he does, the sun never looked the same to him ever again.

⟡ 𝐌𝐄𝐆𝐔𝐌𝐈 encounters a feeling that he's been through before—a course of emotions that has his body in a tight hold but now, it seems the hold on him was deadlier than the first time. Your name had left his lips, draining him of his exhaustion to run to you before you could fall, every fiber in his body was holding on to his fear. He didn't need to feel the ache in his legs that were covered in wounds because his mission was for you to perfectly land in his arms even if he had to risk getting more injuries.

His heart began to pace in frantic pace when he catches you, there wasn't a split second of joy that entered him just because he made it in time. Instead, his eyes widen in trauma at the sight of your dull eyes that looked above to the heavens sky.

"Hey—hey!" He shouts, trembling hands feeling every bit of your skin and ends with it down to your cheek. "Talk to me—anything, please!" Megumi pleads as a drop of your blood that came from your forehead started to flow onto his skin. He gulps with his breathing unable to coordinate with him as his head frenetically looks up, any sign of help could've been the better reach but they were just in the mere corner of a building in Shibuya.

"Y/N? Please say something." He whispers, furiously wiping his tears while he despises the warmth of your blood that paints his hands. "C'mon please, let me hear your voice one last time." He sobs on your shoulder, embracing you with every corrupting piece of his heart, looking for a beat from your rather cold ones. His hands go to your hair, caressing it so lightly that he felt it resembled glass from how careful he was. Your head was buried in his neck, eyes barely awake for him to ever find that heartbeat.

"I love you, did you hear me?" Megumi says, gulping in the grief. "Say it back to me like you always did, please?" He doesn't know that begging would've been his lasting choice—maybe someone up above would take some time to listen to his pleads and eventually bring the life to his lovers body once again for you to say you love him back a thousand times more.

"Hug me one more time, will you? You told me you loved to do that." He desperately wishes your arms could just return to the place he loved, wrapped around his neck as his hands were to be on your waist or to your cheek with a smile to your lips. Unfortunately, your arms were covered in their own bruises—latched with dark purple hues and tints of red from the debris of buildings and cursed spirits.

"We have to go, Megumi!" One of the sorcerers shout, he didn't even have the time to decipher who it belonged to but he sniffles, reaching for his phone typing a quick message to the others to be able to take you out of this place with somewhere more deserving of a beauty that has passed.

"I'm not going to say goodbye because I know you'll always be with me, right Y/N?" He takes your hands, placing it on your chest on top of each other as his tear lands on your temple. He softly wipes it away before he kisses your forehead, closing his eyes shut at his misery.

"I wish I could've saved you. I really wish I did." He sobs, forehead in tact with yours but he seems to receive a sensation to his body at the wind that came his way.

"You've saved me the minute you met me, my love." You wish you could've whispered to him but he took it as the wind was the only embrace he'll ever get now.

"And you saved me too." Panda walks in to this horrid scene as he feels the sympathy rush to him. Megumi looks up at him with the liveliness dying along with you as your lover delicately holds your cheek one last time before kissing you on your temple muttering one more time,

"I love you always."

Standing up was the second hardest thing he had to do because turning his back to you came at first as his knees threatened to fall but alas, he has to do continue on because that's what you would've wanted right?

"I love you, Megumi. I'll be here waiting for you."

And the upcoming battles for him to face were laced with rage and the never ending bitterness that love seemed to haunt him with.

⟡ 𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎's phone rang as while he stops to stare at the caller. It was odd for him to receive a phone call from Megumi at this hour but he supposed it was probably for some guidance since they were sent to a mission. Being aware of their location, he didn't hesitate to transport as fast as he could to get there but there's this calling to him how it wasn't bound to be what he expected.

Panting heavily, Megumi ran with life on the line as he carried you in his arms without the ability to pace your breathing the same as his.

"GOJO-SENSEI!" He shouts with every power in his lungs the second Gojo had appeared, who stood stunned at the boy who was approaching him with a familiar figure.

"Y/N?" Satoru says, uncertain of what he just saw but when Megumi reached him, out of his breath as Nobara and Itadori followed behind him. His student places you in your lovers arm as he kneels down with a hand to your chest, alarmed at how your heartbeat was nowhere near notice. Fushiguro could see the worry in the mans eyes as he bites his lip in sympathy before telling the two to spare a moment for the so called strongest sorcerer who was now on his knees for only one person.

"We saw them being followed by a cursed spirit but they led Y/N to a trap." Megumi briefly explains as Gojo could only spare him a nod as your eyes would flutter once a while as the three students let them be.

"I warned you, didn't I?" He says, a low whisper as your hand weakly reach for his blindfold while Gojo's own rhythm of a heartbeat began to ache. Once he felt how you raised it with a cough of blood spoiling his uniform as his expression grow more frantic with every second.

"Hey there, pretty. You mind staying with me for a little longer?" He asked as if your ears were as attentive as it were before when his eyes stared back at your dazed ones. You didn't respond which was troubling him, what more was that your hand immediately dropped to your chest when he finally looked at you. A shakey sigh leaves Gojo while he rose, ready to fly you anywhere as long as you promised to stay.

"A little more please, can you do that for me?" He begs of you but instead, your head fell unconsciously in his arms with the threat of your eyes to close before he could ever look at you again, not too mention the flow of blood that came from your stomach that didn't seem to stop. He hasn't had the confidence to look at your body before because the fear on Megumi's face made him certain of how the damage had been rough on you. Up this close, he can see two massive wounds to your lower body as well as scratches on your forearms with some bruises on your wrist, hinting how their grasp on you was too strong compared to someone who was powerless.

The hue of his eyes appear to be less saturated than before and for the first time in the life of the honored sorcerer, his heart was irreparable and no amount of technique can reverse the way love his love for you had been the fault for your end.

Unknown to his own senses, his tears fall to your cheek as he pulls you closer like an embrace that didn't bring him his usual amount of comfort.

"Satoru, stop messing around!" You said as he spun you around, tight arms around his neck as he flew in the air, not bothering to listen to your protests of putting you down.

"I won't let you go, how could I ever do that to you?" He assures you, with his own arms tied to your waist with a bright smile on his face.

"And if I fall?" You asked him, glancing at the heights below you but Gojo only tucks a piece of hair behind your ear as you looked at him with the sun in your eyes since two lovers were up in the sky to reach for the clouds.

"I'll be there to save you."

But where was he when you fell from the skyscrapers?

"You hate me, I'm sure." He says biting his lip in agony as he buries his head to your chest, silent sobs and unsteady breaths coming from the sorcerer.

"I love you so much." Satoru breathlessly said. The head that was once on your chest began to move away when he heard nothing more than the silence that came from your heart. They were out to get you, how stupid was he to let you out of his sight just for a second? Maybe then he could've danced with you one more time, up in the sky for the two of you to conquer the heights of being in love.

"I'm so sorry, darling." He then kisses the side of your lip as his feet met in contact with the floor as the rest of the Jujutsu tech as Shoko lets out a saddened sigh.

"Wait for me okay? I'm not done loving you yet." He whispers to you one last time while he hands you over to Shoko as Megumi spares him a glance to notice how wretched his mentor looked.

"I have some things to do." Gojo announces, withstanding the grief to plot revenge to the ones who took you away from him as the rest didn't bother to object knowing there was no possible way to stop a man who had lost the love of his life in revenging your death. He disappears in a split second as the rest of the students didn't notice the tears that kept flowing from the person they look up to.

How can he be the strongest when he failed to protect his only weakness?

Until then, Gojo Satoru could only look at the sky to remember you since his infinity that he swore was to be spent with you died in his arms along with his lover.

1K notes · View notes

mygnolia · 2 years

Text

crush﹢relationship headcannons w/ chan!

pair -› chan x gn!reader

genre -› fluff, pure fluff

wc -› 1.1k

cw -› food mention (hot choco), one word abt barf

a/n -› ngl ive changed my a/n bc this has been collecting dust in the drafts and its so funny to see whenever i come back and chance it to “im in love” and then “man i wish they liked me back”

he probably smiles whenever he sees u

you two probably have mutual friends

like you and seungmin probably are friends and just mess around with jeongin

omg unstopabble trio fr

but one time seungmin in his lavish big rich boy house goes “lets have a sleepover”

yall playin word games bc its 2 am and obviously your braincells (do not) work

assuming yall can drink but if not we’ll blame it on the sleepiness

you’re just laughing rlly hard to this joke minho makes and everyone stares unimpressed at him and chan looks over and kind of

smiles at you

like this toothy moon crescent eye smile that has you thinkin about him

all fuckin’ night too

like you probably think about how it would feel if he smiled to you romantically

and your mind is reeling

anyways you fall asleep fast but chan can’t sleep and when he does its late

they def dont want to overwork him so they let him sleep as much as he can

bro yall fall for each other SO fast…(barfs)

yall probs go to the fair in town or like a pumpkin patch with games and he’s just admiring you from afar

proud smile lovesick grin holds your hand when you win smth

he definitely wins a large stuffie like a bear or an elephant

and i’d think he’d pull something slick like “hey lets trade stuffed animals i don’t like holding this one”

just would be a total sweetheart

i think he would drive you home! just very subtle glances soft smiles and all of your friends were like “placing bets they’re totally kiss”

when he nears your home he asks if he can kiss u

yes! ofc! i think he’s still a little shy so it was be rlly short and sweet!!

asks if he can talk to you tmr abt the whole thing and feelings

heart combustion? immediate? and all he’s thinking rn is “man i think they’re so wonderful and cute”

and YOU’RE thinking about how long you’ve been waiting and how you’re so giddy

u go to bed with a smile on ur face fs

you two talk it out, shy smiles and hugs and he admits he was scared you didn’t like him the way he liked you

but u do!! and everything is pretty sunshine and rainbows

i think chan would be as caring as he can between his work hours he still crams in a hug or shared dinners

school would be tough on both of you and though you might be sad you didn’t see or receive a text you yourself are probs cramming for finals so u understand

winter break!! it’s your three month anniversary plus christmas and u’ve been saving a bit of money up to get him whatever he might want

chan would be happy for the gift but he would be most excited to spend time with you

tries to stay as close as possible like holding hands, cuddling, head on your shoulder, just some sort of skinship because i feel like he wants to feel close to u?

UHM DOES CHAN LIKE HOT CHOCO

n e ways lets assume he does, would make u a lot of tea and hot choco since it’s easy

chan seems like the type to buy u smth like a necklace or a bracelet and make you a long handwritten letter telling you about how he just simply adores you

i think he’s just really in love with u like he never wants to lose you EVER

you would really think he’s a gem

you’re both honest and you both feel like it’s a bit unreal if you were to spend your whole lives together

like its not impossible, but he’s like a dream you’re afraid of waking up to experience a life without him yknow

i think you both have a clear grasp that you might not be his forever and vice versa, but he would never hold it against you if you two broke up or split

things happen, people drift apart or lose that feeling for their significant other

but you both think that time hasn’t come yet so you two enjoy each other for now for as long as u can

chan’s just always so sweet and you wonder what he finds in you

he doesn’t get it tho like he doesn’t get how u don’t see how wonderful u are for him when you ask if he still loves you or if he’s ever going to leave

chan: no i would never babe :(( you mean so much to me why would i ever do that to you without telling you first

he’s scared of losing you too though

worries that you’ll find someone who makes you laugh harder or makes you fall harder than how you fell with him and it makes him sick when he thinks about you with someone else

not because he’s jealous, but because he wouldn’t ever want to lose you simply because he loves you so much

he’d find so many flaws with himself and beats him up for it

and i think you’d have to remind him that you don’t love him because he’s perfect, but you love him for him and that’s what matters

sometimes there are rough patches and it’s okay! you two promise to talk about whatever might bother you as long as your comfortable with sharing and would discuss anything he notices in ur relationship

but it’s not like a scolding

everyone has different ways of communicating and sometimes chan just wants to make sure u know that he’s always here for you

and that he’s not going to push any of your boundaries

but he also expects the same which is reasonable! (he has his personal matters or things he wants to avoid talking about and you make sure not to overstep)

he just wants to make sure everything is alright and doesn’t want you neglecting yourself for other things

you always come first, he wants you to know it the best you can

and if you’re dealing with something he would definitely wait for you and remind you it’s okay to be vulnerable and express yourself, whether or not it’s to him or your friends or close ones

chan isn’t pushy with anything and is patient/observant when it comes to your relationship and u in general

yeah! things can get difficult but chan would try his best to support you through all of it

i think overall chan would love every part of you as best as he could

and he does a pretty good job!

UHHHHH hope…hope…u enjoyed my brainrot…? check my masterlist for more and lmk if u have any feedback bc this was just me ranting ish LMFAO

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thrillridesz · 3 years

Text

heart racing ▫ j.yn

in part of the adrenaline rush! collab hosted by @lucas-wongs + @ickjun

⇢ pairing: jaehyun x reader (f) (ft. other nct members + twice’s jeongyeon)

⇢ genre: fluff, angst, racer!au, best friends to lovers

⇢ warnings: swearing, mentions of cheating, mentions and consumption of alcohol, alcoholism, hitting rock bottom

⇢ synopsis: once a revered member of the racing industry, jaehyun has been living at rock bottom for the past few months following a tragic accident that effectively put him out of racing. it seems as though nothing would get through to him, not even you. will he ever break out of the constant loop of doubt and start seeing things for what they really are?

⇢ word count: 8.04k

⇢ a/n : unedited! also posted on this account because I’m considering merging my nct account with my tbz writing blog also PLEASE check out the other writers’ works ^^ we’ve all worked hard on our fics

“Jaehyun, you’re ruining yourself.”

The dim room reeked of stale alcohol and something mouldy as the empty beer bottles that littered the floor clanged noisily against the surrounding furniture, leaking golden yellow liquid all over. Old, worn clothes were draped everywhere, stained and darkened with murky stains while the battered television flickered weakly to live, showing nothing but static. The walls were streaked and striated with scratches, as if someone had just been clawing desperately at them and on the floor amidst the empty glass bottles, were pieces of scrap poster paper. Sunlight peeks in through the drawn blinds, giving a teasing glimpse to the bustling outside world from the sad, decrepit apartment Jaehyun lived in.

Sprawled on the couch with nothing on except a wrinkled pair of jeans, Jaehyun’s eyes were devoid of emotion - blank and dazelike. In his hand, his fingers held on limply to the neck of yet another bottle of beer, possibly his nth for the day. His usually shiny hazel brown hair was greasy with filth and his bare chest was sticky with sweat from being cooped up all day in this tiny, stuffy apartment of his. His jawline was starting to grow a hint of stubble given how much he’d completely let himself go and dark circles were appearing underneath those intense eyes of his.

Slowly, Jaehyun lifted his gaze from the floor to look at you, the first flicker of emotions that he’d ever displayed in the whole day. You stood before him, arms akimbo, your gaze sharp and piercing. He smiled, a smile that held no mirth or happiness.

“Oh, you’re still here.”

You shook your head, ripping the bottle of beer from his grasp. As you approached, the bottles, clothes and torn pieces of paper on the ground almost made you trip and you tutted under your breath.

“Of course I am. I’m your best friend who is somehow still here with you. Best friends help each other.”

He chuckled nonchalantly, waving his hand at the door. “Well, feel free to leave then. I don’t need your help.” His eyes held a hint of anger as he did, something that did not escape your notice.

“Jaehyun,” you said softly, placing the bottle on a nearby table as you dread what was to come next. “Please, not this again.”

Your words only served to fuel the fiery spark of anger in his eyes as he said in a barely controlled tone, the irritation radiating from him in ripples that threatened to evolve into waves, “Why not? I’m a fucking wreck and a loser anyways. Leave like everyone else did. Leave like…” His voice wobbled, “leave like Jeongyeon did.”

Your heart fell and it took almost a godlike willpower not to let your emotions show. Was he still thinking about her?

“Jaehyun-”

“What? Are you gonna say I’m not a loser like you always do? Cut the fucking lies. Everyone out there is saying the same thing, what makes you think you can convince me that you’re not thinking it either? Hm?” He spat, the drowsiness in his demeanour dissipating fast as red hot anger replaced it. There was so much internal frustration within Jaehyun that just seeing him like this was enough to break your heart. It was one thing to see him in this terrible state but it was quite another to see him directing his anger towards you.

You drew in a deep breath, trying to calm your pounding heart and to stop the tears that pricked at the corner of your eyes. Having been there with him every step of the year ever since the both of you were children playing and horsing around the neighbourhood, you found yourself desperately missing those much simpler times and wondering how things became so wrong.

For as long as you could remember, Jaehyun had always been interested and had a natural flair for racing. There always existed a competitive streak in him that thrived off a challenge. It didn’t matter what it was, as long as it was a game that could have a clear winner or incited competitiveness, he was all up for it. As kids, the two of you used to compete over everything, be it for the last popsicle in the convenience store down the street or past the gates of your school. It was as if racing was something he needed in order to live. It wasn’t until sophomore year of high school did Jaehyun decide to take his love for racing to a professional level. He began to dive deep into the motorsport industry, starting out as a mere rookie in auto racing. He never did apply to college, preferring instead to invest all his time into his newfound life career.

His rise to fame was quick, quicker than most. Within his first year, he had won a number of races, beating even some of the well known names in the sport. Every other month, he was winning trophies and exorbitant cash prizes which in return earned him the recognition of famous sponsors and racers. Bumper stickers from the various sponsors decorated the back of his ride and it was no time at all before Jaehyun began to don some of the most expensive sports gear on the tracks. With his smouldering good looks, he also appeared on the front pages of magazines and newspapers, all while attracting a loyal fanbase made up of both racing enthusiasts and adoring admirers.

To everyone else, he was the suave, handsome and effortlessly cool young racer who was practically born to race and to do it well but to you, he was your childhood friend… and your first love. In front of the flashing lights and cameras, Jaehyun knew his way around the crowd. He knew exactly when to flash one of his dazzling, dimpled smiles and how to work the crowd - it was just one of his innate charms. Yet, you knew that underneath that, that flashy, extravagant Jaehyun, was the Jaehyun you grew up with and had gradually fallen in love with.

As children, he was there for you whenever you needed him, always ready to lend a helping hand when he noticed that you were stuck in an unfavourable situation. You distinctly remember what had happened in second grade. It was a bright and warm summer’s day, the lovely scent of sweet peas floating in the air as the sun bore down on the earth. Pigeons flitted over the sidewalks, pecking at the cemented floor and the leaves of the oak trees that lined the streets rustled gently in the wind.

You fell with a loud and heavy thud on your bottom, feeling the leaves crunch noisily under your weight. Fear and trepidation coursed through your veins as you stared with eyes wide at your tormentors.

“Look at her, she looks pathetic. Do it, Johnny! Do it!”

A tall, hunkering boy flanked by his cronies stood over you, his dark, massive shadow engulfing you as you frantically scrambled backwards. Tears were beginning to stream down your face and a sharp pain shot up your spine with each move, owing to the impact of the fall. There were scratches on your hands as you dragged your palms over the rough gravel in an attempt to move away.

There was a malicious glint in Johnny’s eyes and his lips were curved into a devious smirk as he stared down at you, domineering and intimidating. The veins in his arms and hands were bulging angrily and as he clenched his fists, you felt your stomach sink. Your legs began to feel like jelly and your vision was beginning to blur from all the salty tears. You were struck with fear and the sense of helplessness you felt made you feel both ashamed and furious at yourself yet there was nothing you could do.

You held your hand up to shield yourself from the impending attack as the bully lifted up his fist.

“Hey! How about you pick on someone your own size?!”

The group of you turned to see Jaehyun, eyes blazing with anger as his chest heaved. His wind-swept hair hung over his eyes, a surefire sign that he’d run over and his cheeks were red from exertion. Even from afar, he was clearly no match to Johnny’s larger build, much less the whole lot of them.

“J-Jaehyun?” You spluttered, shocked.

“Who is this clown- Ow!” Johnny stumbled backwards as a rock pebble hit him on the head, promptly ricocheting off his forehead and bouncing onto the ground. His jaw was clenched in pain and when he removed his palm, a reddish bruise had blossomed and there was even a faint trace of blood. There was a split second of stunned silence before Johnny turned almost magenta with rage.

“GET HIM!” He roared and his cronies shook out of their daze, immediately going after Jaehyun who’d already ran a good distance before the reality of what had just happened set in. His mocking laugh rang through the afternoon amidst a cackle of profanities and threats yelled at him.

It was a laugh that remained in your memories all these years. It was a laugh that strengthened you, a laugh that spoke so much of willful courage and youthful rebellion which was everything you’d eventually come to associate with Jaehyun. That laugh was bright and so… him.

Yet now, you could see none of that playful mischief and vibrancy in those eyes. All that is left is emptiness.

“You’re not a loser, Jaehyun,” you began softly, “you never were in my eyes. You were a fighter.”

Those beautiful eyes you adored so much narrowed at you, his face twisted into a scowl.

“A fighter? Guess what, y/n?” He sneered, his voice dripping with venom. “I fought. I fought endlessly but did that work out for me? I threw in everything I could, every little thing. I worked hard and put in a hundred and one percent of my effort.”

You stared at him, your heart aching for him as a single tear began to roll down his cheek, tears of anger, indignation and pain.

“But did that work out? No, it didn’t. If anything, it left me a wreck. People out there call me a loser, a has-been and even my girlfriend has left me. It doesn’t matter how much effort I put in, how much I fought because at the end of the day, everyone is only here because of what they think I am. They saw me as a champion, an up and coming and the moment I wasn’t anymore, they all dropped me in a heartbeat. What are you waiting for, y/n? Why the hell are you even still here?”

His words echoed through the empty apartment and out loud, it sounded bleak, harsh and biting. His anguished voice tore at your heart and as each word left those lips, it felt like your heart was slowly breaking apart. Neither of you said anything for a moment, locked in a silent, unspoken fight as he held your gaze steadily. His eyes were cold and there was the look of a broken man in them.

“I am here because I love you, Jaehyun,” you said finally, your voice quivering. “I don’t care who or what you are and it pains me to see you tear yourself down like this because I know you are not the loser you believe you are. I don’t know how much of this I can take, seeing you ruin yourself.”

You can see the slight softening in his eyes and you gritted your teeth.

“I’m going to go. I don’t know when I’ll be back. I can’t see you ruin yourself and be able to do nothing about it. I’m not strong enough for that.”

With that, you left the apartment before he could see the tears in your eyes.

The miserable, empty can of beer clattered loudly against the hardwood floor, the sound echoing through the dank apartment.

Jaehyun barely lifted an eyebrow, his fingers growing slack without him even knowing. He stared up at the dark ceiling, a hooded look in those once bright eyes. The stench that hung around him was growing more intense by the day and it was reaching a point whereby he could almost smell himself but there was nothing in him that seemed to care.

Sounds of active civilisation outside drifted in through the windows and occasionally, he’d hear the honking of angry drivers on the roads or the laughter of children playing at the playground at the courtyard below. Normally, he loved waking up to these sounds or at least when he wasn’t off to the race tracks, when he was relaxing with a book in his hands. Now however, he found them irksome, irritating and he wanted nothing more but to block them out. He wanted absolutely zero reminder of the world outside.

Grunting, Jaehyun dragged himself off the couch. As he trudged heavily back to his room where his comfortable bed beckoned to him, he turned to stare at the large, imposing front door where moments ago, you’d slammed shut as you left him to his own devices.

Guilt tugged at his heart and for a split second, Jaehyun contemplated running after you. When you left, there was an indescribable sense of hollowness that engulfed him in a way that he couldn’t quite understand or explain. The apartment was filthy, dark and small but somehow with you around just a few minutes ago, it felt just a little bigger, a little warmer. As much as he hated to admit it, his heart was calling to him to reach out to you, run after you. The crumpled look on your face haunted him but he shook the thought from his mind.

It would be better if you left him. If you knew what was good for you, you would.

The anger in him was beginning to resurface at the thought of everything that had happened over the past few months. His career plummeting on a downward spiral right after his recovery, the exact opposite of what was predicted by his agent.

He was born to race, his family and his friends had always told him so. He knew it himself, he could feel it in his blood, his bones, his spirit. Ever since he was little, Jaehyun had known that his career would have something to do one way or another with racing. As a child, he loved running, competing but most of all, he loved riding in his father’s pickup truck on the way to school. He loved the way the vehicle would zoom past the streets, overtaking other vehicles and he loved the feeling of the wind against his face. He loved the speed and everything about cars or racing. It felt natural for him to pursue a career in competitive racing and a natural he was.

After getting signed with a racing company, Jaehyun quickly rose to fame with his numerous championships, bagging trophies, medals and cash prizes in almost every event he participated in. Sports magazines and reporters would clamour over each other to score an interview with him. People wanted pictures with him, wanted him to sign an autograph for them.

He was the golden boy in the racing world, an untouchable.

In the racing world, everything goes a mile a minute and nothing waits for anyone. After the morbid crash at the June Tokyo Prix, Jaehyun had sustained several fractures to his ribs and a severe concussion that left him in the hospital’s intensive care unit bedridden for several months. The pain was unlike any other and every single move hurt immensely but what suffered more damage than he did was his career and his relationships.

Within months, the racing career he had so painstakingly built up for himself collapsed before him. Due to long inactivity, brands and sponsors began to drop him, slowly at first then steadily one by one. He was also constantly under the media’s scrutiny for a period of time, their cameras and microphones thrusted in his face while he lay helpless on the hospital bed. The bright flashes blinded him and the loud noises made his head pound and even now, he still remembered how that experience was like, shuddering every time it crossed his mind. It had taken Jaehyun countless hours of physical therapy before he could even think of racing competitively again.

Yet when he did, he quickly realised he never could revert back to his old self, the one who got off on adrenaline kicks while zooming along the tracks at breakneck speed, the one who only knew what it was like to win. He was slower, less coordinated. His body could no longer take the pressure racing would subject it too, or at least not quickly enough for him to make a full, stunning comeback.

The tabloids and news had run wild with his fall from grace, writing up horrible, demeaning articles about him. His rivals had mocked him to his face and he could even sense the visible disappointment from his fans emanating from the stands whenever he’d lost yet another race. The thing that really broke the camel’s back however, was when his girlfriend Jeongyeon initiated a breakup.

Jaehyun had hoped that things would turn for the better, never one to give up. He’d trained tirelessly everyday, pushing his brittle body to the limit. He never let up on himself, gritting his teeth through all the physical and mental pressure he had imposed on himself. When the final text was sent, Jaehyun could remember distinctly how hopeless and distraught he’d felt. It felt like his world, the empire he had so painfully and relentlessly crafted for himself from scratch was breaking bit by bit. To add salt to the wound, the next time he’d seen her on television, her body was plastered against his biggest rival, Yuta. Her arms were wrapped around his and her lips pressing against his cheeks with no shame whatsoever for the interviewer interviewing him, no sign of the girl who’d once told him that she loved him with all her heart.

What was once determination and naive hopefulness soon devolved into anger and resentment. Jaehyun began to let himself go and the change was drastic. Where there once existed a time whereby he’d rise from his slumber early to visit the gym, he now regularly slept well into the late afternoon. His diet began to consist largely of takeout, junk food and alcohol and his apartment got more and more cluttered by the day. He’d stopped contacting his friends and family, ignoring their calls and texts, preferring to fester in his own solitude. It wasn’t long before an odour had started to emit from his place, a nauseating mixture of stale pizza, beer and pure filth from the lack of showers.

His appearance was also no longer polished, but rather haggard as if he’d aged five years in a matter of months. He was beginning to lose his fit stature, the healthy glow he’d once been prized on by magazines and gossip columns dimming. It got to a point whereby Jaehyun had begun to avoid looking at his hideous reflection in the mirror, his self-hatred growing with each day.

A poster of him in his racing gear and his race car was tattered and wrinkled on the floor, stained with ketchup and soda. Staring at it blankly with eyes empty of any emotions whatsoever, Jaehyun swiped it up and in a swift moment, he tore it up with a large rip before trashing it somewhere on the floor.

Flopping onto his comforter, he almost moaned in pleasure as he sunk into the soft sheets. Reaching for the air conditioning control, a loud smack on the ground roused him from his hedonistic haze. His hair was sticking up in all directions as he peered over the edge of his bed to see a picture frame that had fallen from his night stand.

Holding it in his hands, he looked at it with a nonchalant air.

It was a picture of the both of you a few years ago, back when he was just kick starting his racing career. He hadn’t yet made a name for himself then as the two of you leaned in for the picture.

You had on a bright, illuminating beam on your face, your eyes alive and glittering with happiness. Your hair was down, wisps of it framing your face as the sun brought out the colour and shine of it. Next to him, you’d completely dwarfed in comparison. He had his arm around you, bringing you to his side and from the picture, Jaehyun could feel a smile begin to crack on his face at the comical height difference.

He’d looked completely at ease here, carefree with the recklessness and restlessness of the soul beneath shining through his dark eyes. His hair was wavy, styled down in that ridiculous fashion he wanted so badly to leave back in high school. He had worn a dimpled smile on his face, the look of someone who knew he was destined for greatness and believed in it.

Jaehyun was about to put the picture down when something caught his eye. He leaned in closer.

There was something about you. At first glance, it would have been clear that you were smiling for the camera but upon closer look, it looked as if you might be smiling at him instead. Your smile was softer, eyes gentler from the first time he’d seen the picture. It was the sort of smile that struck him in his heart, the kind of smile that would make its recipient feel loved, appreciated.

“I want to be a racer when I grow up.”

You turned to Jaehyun, eyes wide as saucers as you popped the ice popsicle out of your mouth.

“Why?”

He shrugged, still struggling with the wrapper of the popsicle. The two of you sat on the wooden bench, side by side as the other kids ran around the park, playing rounds of tag while their parents or babysitters sat watching over them. The sun was glaring down on the earth and though it was a great day to go out to play and sweat it out, it was also a perfect day to find an excuse to buy popsicles with what little pocket money your parents had given to you two. It wasn’t an opportunity to be missed.

��I really like racing. I don’t know if there’s anything else I’d want to be,” he said simply, grinning as he finally succeeded in breaking open the plastic.

You tried to hide the blush that was beginning to creep up to your cheeks, looking away from him.

“My mom says being a doctor is good.”

As soon as you said it, you immediately regretted your words. Jaehyun scrunched up his nose in disgust.

“No way! It’s so boring. Do you want to be a doctor?”

Quickly, you shook your head fervently. “No!”

“Then what do you want to be?” He asks curiously, sucking on his popsicle.

You are quiet for a while as you ponder over his question. What exactly do you want to be when you grow up?

“...A writer.” You said finally and he swiveled around to look at you, clearly not expecting your answer.

“A writer? Hm, why?”

“I just really like reading. I want to write interesting stories that people will like,” you take a tentative lick of your popsicle, the icy, sweet taste of apple flavouring coating your tongue, “Like fairytales!”

Jaehyun broods over your answer, seemingly deep in thought. For a moment, neither of you say another word as you sit together under the warm, sunny day, enjoying your popsicles.

“I want people to like me too.” He says suddenly, his eyes shining. “People will like my racing! I’m going to be a racer and people will like me to win!”

He hops to his feet, his popsicle raised as he made his declaration. There is a triumphant, toothy smile on his face and he says it with so much hope and gusto that you can’t help but feel drawn to his driven spirit. For a boy of five foot, there was a lot of motivation and energy in him and there was just something about him that got you transfixed.

Under the sunlight, his smile seemed almost blindingly bright with the shadows highlighting the charming dimples on those round cheeks. The butterflies in your stomach were going crazy and your heart began to pound. Your words seemed stuck in your throat and you choked out, “I t-think you’ll make a good racer, J-Jaehyun.”

You thought your heart might burst as his smile grew wider, his dimples making deeper indentations. It felt like the sun might just be a little too hot since your face felt like it was positively flaming.

“Thank you, y/n.”

Suddenly, something caught your eye and shakily, you pointed at him.

His smile dropped as his eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

“What?”

“Y-your popsicle is m-m-melting… down your a-arm.”

The elevator button made an uncharacteristic squeaking sound as Jaehyun jabbed repeatedly at it, his jaw clenched in impatience.

“Hurry up, hurry up, hurry up,” he muttered frantically under his breath, pacing the lift lobby. The red letters above the elevator were moving at a snail’s pace and it seemed as if it’s stopped to pick up some passengers on the 5th floor. How long does it take for people to move into an elevator?

Jaehyun groaned in annoyance as he watched the number on the display crawl up slowly.

This wouldn’t do. By the time it’s here, it would be too late.

Immediately, he sprinted for the stairs instead, his heart hammering against his chest.

There was great fanfare as the rowdy crowd erupted into raucous cheers, the large, industrial sized party poppers going off with a bang, covering everyone in glitter streamers and confetti. Cameras were flashing and clicking away at every corner while throngs of sports reporters flooded the holding area, all trying to reach the champions for their coveted exclusive interviews. Agents and pit crews were all celebrating with the sound of champagne bottles popping and yells and cheers of congratulations ringing through the air.

Jaehyun stood at the top of the podium, shooting the cameras his trademark stunning grin as he posed with his golden trophy that looked to be about the size of his torso. The racing suit he was wearing was uncomfortably hot and he wanted nothing more than to strip from it but the adrenaline and euphoria he was experiencing far surpassed any feelings of discomfort.

This was it, the taste of success. It was everything he lived for, raced for. This was why he always trained so hard, from dawn to dusk. This was why he put his own body through all those hours of endurance training, gym and dieting. It was all for this single moment of true bliss enjoyed and savoured after the extreme thrill of racing. Here on the podium, towering above everyone else… He was truly where he needed to be, where he was born to be.

As he stepped off and the bodyguards swarmed in to escort him to his own holding room, Jaehyun couldn’t wipe the grin off his face. Yet another trophy for display on his shelf back in his apartment. He didn’t think he’d ever get sick of it, the feeling of winning but then again who would?

Reporters were attempting to accost him at all sides, all screaming out the same old questions he had grown tired of early on.

“How do you feel after winning the prix for the third year running?”

“You hit a record timing today! How did you train for the race?”

“What do you have to say to your rival, Nakamoto who came in second this year? By a mere few seconds at that!”

Jaehyun nodded and waved at a few of them, still wearing a smile on his face but there was no answer evoked from him. He’d kept up a calm and cool demeanour throughout but once he was in his holding room alone, the moment the door closed shut behind him, he let out a loud, jubilant howl.

“Fuck yes!” He roared out in happiness before collapsing onto the couch, laughing to himself as he held his trophy above him. He badly needed a shower but he couldn’t care less, not with the trophy in his hands. Under the light, the gold shone and even as a seasoned racer, the excitement and happiness from winning never grew old. In the empty room, the victory felt even more profound, the reality of claiming the championships for yet another year sinking in.

He was in the middle of celebrating and basking in his own victory, he received a text.

Jy: how’s my man doing? congratulations on the win honey ❤️

Jae: thanks babe, it feels fucking amazing. you have no idea… also i missed you so much

Jy: we should celebrate. together, alone. tonight at my place? ;) we haven’t done it in awhile, i miss your body, your kisses

Jaehyun stared at the text. He should be happy, excited to see Jeongyeon again after so long. He had been so preoccupied with training for the big race that he’d barely had any time for her. He had missed her yet now that they were finally exchanging texts again after so long apart, he didn’t seem to feel the same anticipation.

There was something about that text she sent that seemed weirdly… detached. He had imagined their first interaction in over a month to be one that warmed him up in the inside, brought him to a whole new level of euphoria even after winning but if anything, this reality paled in comparison to the scenario he had looked forward to in his mind.

Jae: yeah sure

After pressing send, he tossed his phone onto the coffee table and rested his head against the velvety cushion of the couch. Somehow, that very short exchange with Jeongyeon had dimmed his excitement and readiness to celebrate.

His phone suddenly rang, disrupting him from the reverie he’d found himself in.

“Must be Jeongyeon,” he thought to himself and for some reasons as he swiped to answer the call, he found himself reluctant to talk.

“Hello?”

“Jung Jaehyun! I was watching your race on television, congratulations for coming in first yet again! You were terrific out there.”

Y/n.

Jaehyun smiled, feeling his heart swell at your words.

“Thanks, y/n. I really appreciate it.”

“How about we meet for dinner tonight? I know of this amazing Italian place that serves the best lasagna, your favourite! My treat too to celebrate your win, how’s that?”

At the mention of lasagna, Jaehyun could feel his stomach rumbling and his mouth watering. The tangy tomato sauce, copious amounts of cheese and spiced minced beef with soft pasta… He would absolutely be down for some well-deserved lasagna after weeks of feasting on plain, watery salads. Dinner sounded like a great idea.

“Sure, I- Wait, I can’t,” he groaned, suddenly remembering his plans with Jeongyeon. Plans he didn’t even particularly look forward to.

“Why not?” You asked.

“I um…”

Fuck, why is it so hard to say it?

“I have plans with Jeongyeon tonight,” he said, ignoring the strange pang of guilt and indignation that hit him square in the chest.

“Oh! Oh, uh… That’s completely fine. Don’t worry about it, we can always have dinner some other day.”

“Really? That would be great! How does next week sound?”

“Sounds good to me!” Even on call, he could imagine you bobbing your head enthusiastically like you usually did and that brought a chuckle out of him.

“Alright, I’ll see you then y/n.”

“See you! Please rest well, you deserve it.”

“Thank you,” he replied before hanging up.

What is this warm feeling in him?

Jaehyun raced out of the apartment complex, his eyes searching his surroundings.

The sun was glaring and he couldn’t see straight without squinting his eyes. He must have been a weird sight to behold - scruffy, pale from the lack of the outdoors and reeking of the garbage piled up in his apartment. An elderly woman walking past him tutted disapprovingly at his disheveled appearance, holding her nose as she did but Jaehyun didn’t seem to notice her. His mind was on something else, something more important.

A boy from across the street was staring at him with his mouth agape, looking like a deer caught in headlights as he shakily fumbled in his pockets for his phone. Jaehyun let his sights linger on him, wondering if he should have at least thrown on a coat but as he turned, he caught sight of a figure hanging by the bus stop, looking miserable.

He swallowed thickly, feeling the slight clench of his heart and without hesitating a single second longer, he made his way over.

The heart monitor’s methodical beating was driving him near insanity. If not that, then certainly the suffocating atmosphere of the hospital and the bandages wrapped tightly around almost every single inch of his body would. Not to mention the occasional undercover paparazzi who would try to inch their way into his ward.

Jaehyun stared up at the white ceilings, still as a plank. Every part of his body hurt to move, he couldn’t even turn his head without feeling a painful pounding in it. Sometimes, he would get dizzy spells so intense he actually felt nauseous. His appetite for food or anything in general had since plummeted. Everything, but racing.

He yearned to go out there onto the tracks, to resume his training. The Roman Prix is coming up in a month’s time and he was so far from ready. He needed to get out of this place as soon as possible, even if it meant jeopardising his own safety. His career mattered more than anything.

Jeongyeon hadn’t called either since the day he got admitted. Jaehyun had soon grown tired of checking his messages or asking his publicist for news from her, the feeling of disappointment felt deep within him. He closed his eyes, suddenly feeling a wave of fatigue wash over him.

There was a gentle knock on the door and as the door creaked slightly open, you poked your head in. Upon seeing him, you smiled softly and made your way over to him. Jaehyun watched you approach, his eyes following you.

You had brought along a basket with you, seemingly full of items. As much as he wanted to know what you’d brought, he tried not to look overeager. “I made you something special today,” you said, settling down and practically vibrating with excitement.

“What?”

“Tomato minestrone soup!” You exclaimed, uncovering the lid as the tantalising aroma of tomatoes and a medley of vegetables drifted in the air. Jaehyun almost had to restrain himself from moving, lest he shift a bone out of place somewhere.

Somehow seeing you had sparked a certain kind of joy in him. Maybe it was a sign nobody had really forgotten about him yet. He had watched his number of visitors trickle down day by day and now that it was close to a month since he’d been hospitalised, after the tragic accident, he barely got any. Perhaps three or four a week if he was lucky.

You, however, you were different. You visited him almost every other day, no matter how busy you were. You visited his bedside even if you were worn out from a long day of work, even when you had things to attend to, even when no one else bothered to. You would bring along snacks whenever you did or homemade get-well food like fish porridge or chicken noodle soup you’d whipped up yourself, though they might be far from the usual gourmet fare he was used to back when he was still active when he would go for exquisite dinner parties. Usually, you stayed for a substantial amount of time and sometimes, you even stayed the night.

Jaehyun didn’t understand why you would do all of this for a friend, a friend who never seemed to have time to spare for you at that. More than anything, the feeling of guilt in him only grew stronger with each visit yet he was grateful, extremely grateful. Your presence was like a warm ray of sunshine in this dreary hospital ward. Whenever you visited, he couldn’t help but smile even though he could not find it in himself to smile. But when it came to you, it felt natural.

“Y/n!”

At the sound of Jaehyun’s voice, you turned and even from afar, he could see your reddened eyes - a surefire sign you’d been crying. Guilt and anger washed over him in waves and he tried not to think how many times he had been the cause of your tears. If only he could turn back time, he would have shook himself for ever dismissing you so lightly like he did, before he saw the situation for what it was.

He was blinded. Blinded by his obsession for winning, fame, glory and pleasing the wrong people. In a way, it felt like a fog had been lifted before him and now that he could see, think, feel clearly… He wasn’t going to let the right person out of his grasp. The person who loved him unconditionally, not just for his fame and achievements. The person who stuck with him through thick and thin but he was just too daft to notice it. The person who always felt like home whether he knew it or not.

You.

“Jaehyun? W-What are you…” You spluttered, desperately trying to wipe your tears from your face as you stared up at him.

It took a couple of seconds for him to regain his breath, his face turning red from embarrassment and exertion. He should really start leaving those beers and junk food alone.

“I…” He panted, both out of fatigue and relief, “We need to talk.”

“Jung is getting closer, any minute now Hendery!”

“I don’t believe this! Are we looking at a potential comeback for this prix? Push, push, push!”

“It seems like we might be! Here he comes! He is absolutely mad!”

The nascars zipped along the race tracks, smoke and some bits of burnt rubber and chipped metal trailing along its wake. They were a blur of colours to the spectators, who were practically glued to their seats as they watched the race reach its climax. A massive telescreen was displaying close ups and the ranking board with huge overhead lights that illuminated the stadium. The crowd was growing wilder by the second as the racecars zoomed past them, their attention fixed on one racer in particular.

The sleek nascar was streaked in royal blue and crimson red over a metallic black base, looking almost purple and black with how fast it was flying across the tracks. The wheels were spinning so fast that the friction between the tough rubber tire and the rough granite almost lit up the tracks. It was charging forward with a steely determination and ruthlessness, closing in rapidly on a green and white nascar ahead of it.

The adrenaline coursing Jaehyun’s veins was unlike any other. The thrill he got from racing could practically send him into an all time high and a cunning grin tugged at his lips as he stepped his foot down hard on the pedal, his hands gripping tightly onto his steering wheel. Rounding around a bend, he clenched his jaw as he pushed his body weight to the left, the muscles in his abdominals and biceps flexing and straining against his racing suit as the car drifted across the tracks in a perfect arc.

“Did you see that perfectly executed drift?! Insanity!”

“Jung is absolutely on fire!”

The thunderous cheers of the crowd and the loud hum of the race cars racing across the tracks faded into the background as he kept his eyes trained steadily forward. Any time now…

“Watch out, Nakamoto,” he whispered under his breath.

Steering his wheel sharply and accelerating much to the crowd’s excitement and trepidation, his race car was now driving side by side along Yuta’s. For a split second, the two turned to look at each other through the window and even though there was no way of seeing the other’s face through that helmet, something in Jaehyun told him that his rival was angered, shocked and… Fearful.

Jaehyun grinned beneath his helmet and without a second thought, he zipped forward, leaving Yuta behind in the smoke.

“He’s going for it, he’s going for it… Wait for it… And he crosses the line! The legend has reclaimed his spot on the top!”

“And that is how you execute one of the greatest comebacks of all time, ladies and gentlemen. Jung has done what we believed to be impossible and dominated the race! I wonder how Nakamoto feels about that?”

The other commentator chuckles into his microphone.

“Well Haechan, if I were him, I’d be pissed off for sure! But I’d also be worried… So very worried.”

The crowd was absolutely wild when he’d disembarked from the car and as he removed his helmet, he was greeted with camera flashes all around him. He shook his head, running a gloved hand over his hair and he took a deep breath. The air smelled of burnt rubber, smoke and… Success.

He had done it. He had made his comeback.

His pit crew made a beeline for him, slapping him on the back, their faces jubilant and lit with pure joy. His new manager, one that he trusted and helped him inch his way back to the top step by step, shot him a thumbs up which he nodded in acknowledgement as the crowd of sports journalists, reporters and photographers began to swarm in on him.

Yet, he paid them no attention. If this was three years ago, he would have basked in the glory, the attention but now he had greater concerns on his mind. His heart was pounding now for a different reason altogether and he could feel his hands growing clammy.

Jaehyun craned his neck and searched the rowdy media crowd. Where were you?

“Jaehyun!”

At your voice, he turned and immediately almost stumbled backwards as you crashed into him for a hug. The feelings of you against him sparked a joy in his heart, a joy almost greater than winning. He enveloped you in a hug, holding your waist as he nuzzled his face into your hair. Your scent of honey and jasmine was intoxicating, alluring and a welcomed change from the smell of smoke and rubble.

The two of you had been dating for about two years now, each day together better than the previous. After he’d caught up with you that day, it was as if you were seeing a different Jaehyun from the one you’d seen in his apartment. That Jaehyun who had caught up with you at the bus stop was the old Jaehyun you’d missed and it was as if a switch somewhere had been flipped. To this day, he had never admitted what changed while you were gone for those few minutes. He had subsequently apologised for everything he’d done, even things you didn’t see a problem with. It was shocking to say the least to see the unapologetic Jaehyun apologise for anything at all, but not more shocking than what entailed a few days later.

It started with a vase of luscious red roses being sent to your workplace followed by an invitation for dinner. Before you knew it, the boy you’d loved almost all your life was courting you with a passion. It felt like a complete dream, so much so you had been afraid to wake up suddenly and realise it was all just your imagination. He’d been more of a romantic than he’d let on and many times, you had found yourself completely smitten by his stunts that stretched from learning how to make homemade chocolates for you on Valentine’s Day knowing that you liked them, even though he was well known as a terrible cook to sending flowers up to your doorstep every other week.

Within a couple of months, the two of you were dating and deeply, wildly in love.

Amidst date nights filled with laughter and kisses, he had also been steadily climbing his way back up the ranks of the racing world. After ditching his unhealthy lifestyle he had been living for the past year, the change was apparent. He’d started hitting the gym, eating healthier and before long, he was in prime condition to start racing again. Training was long and tough but he never did give up. He was more determined and driven than you’d seen him and though the old Jaehyun would have been gutted at a loss, this new, better version of him never fussed over a loss of any kind, instead learning from his mistakes.

All of his efforts had led to this ultimate moment, the taste of victory on his lips.

You noticed he had been shifting uncomfortably and you looked up, puzzled and concerned.

“Jaehyun? You okay?”

He looked at you, his ears red, a sign that he was anxious, nervous.

“Jaehyun? What-”

Your words got stuck in your throat as he knelt down on one knee, the lights overhead bringing out the sparkle in his eyes and the shine in his hair. Those dark orbs were so full of hope, anxiety and love all intermingled in one and you found it difficult to believe that those eyes were looking at you directly, the emotions in them all for you.

Jaehyun withdrew a tiny, velvet box from his pocket and popped it open. In the box, was a tiny diamond ring, glittering and absolutely regal. The diamond itself was beautifully cut and interwoven into the metal band with microfibres of white gold and it simply shone as the camera flashes went off. The crowd was going bonkers, screaming and cheering with wolf whistles.

“Y/n,” he spoke softly, his voice gentle. “You have always been there for me, always been my better half. We have been friends for over a decade and lovers for merely two but it seemed as if we always were meant for each other. It took me so long to realise that and there is not a day I don’t regret not realising it sooner. You are my everything - my past, present and future. Falling in love with you was gradual, unconscious. I guess my heart knew you the one before I even did. It started with me being in a dark, dark place where I drowned in my own self-hatred and insecurities. I was beaten, defeated and I just gave up. Where everyone did the same, you never did. You were like a beam of shining light, shining upon me and guiding me even if I didn’t notice it at the time. But when I did, you glowed even more brightly than I’d envisioned. I’d been oblivious to your beauty both inside and outside for far too long and god knows how much I fucking regret it. I’m different now though, because of you. I am the best version of myself right now because I have you in my life. You taught me how to love, allow myself to be loved. There’s no universe whereby I’d want to be without you. I can’t see myself without you in my life. I need you, I love you.”

Tears were beginning to stream down your face and the stadium had grown quieter, all tuning into what was happening.

Jaehyun looked up at you, hopeful and so full of love that you thought your heart might burst.

“So I guess what I’m saying is, will you marry me, y/n?” He asked breathlessly.

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randominagines · 3 years

Note

Hey idk if your taking requests but if you are could you do sad/angsty Pietro maximoff headcanons please :)

Thanks for the request 💜

Pairing: Pietro Maximoff x neutral reader

Warning: angst, sad, very sad, violence, blood

Gifs belong to their creators.

BEING IN LOVE WITH PIETRO:

You and met Pietro and Wanda while they were being experimented on;

You were just part of the operation too, sadly;

You were a victim as much as they were: the Hydra was trying to give you powers related to the pain and the healing;

Experiments were a proper torture: it was painful, tiring, mentally agonising;

You always felt alone, then you met the twins;

Wanda instantly became your best friend, while Pietro was something else;

The type of connection you two developed was magic;

He understood you as much as you understood him;

Even Wanda had to admit that you were perfectly in harmony;

Love naturally blossomed between you and him, but life wasn't easy;

He always used to consider you the best thing ever happened to him;

"If it wasn't for you, I'd be lost right now."

As your powers grew, Hydra strated to make the "training" more and more intense;

Pietro was forced to run for hours, to become faster;

Wanda was forced to work on the mental manipulation on innocent people;

You had the worst training: your duty was to hurt people just to learn how to heal them;

Hydra forced you to develop your power of hurting people:you could create a sense of inexplicable pain, both emotional and physical;

Then you could heal them;

You were emotionally and mentally broken, Wanda was destroyed and Pietro constantly tired;

Although you always tried to give him strength, he was the most exploited and the first to be sent for real missions;

You and Wanda knew how dangerous it was out there, so every time Pietro was forced to leave you, it was a torture;

"Oh my God, you're back! Let me look at you, let me heal you"

The way he used to smile at you, hold you in his arms and kiss you every time he came back, was the actual proof of how much he needed you and loved you;

"Make love to me"

You asked him, your eyes stuck into his and your hands caressing his face. He smiled at you, fingers tracing your lower lip;

"I love you, y/n, you're the only thing in this world that makes me believe that happiness is real."

As you started to become powerful, Hydra became more and more demanding and you couldn't bear it anymore;

One day, you decided to oppose: you intentionally hurt one of the scientists, almost killing him;

The way they punished you made Pietro snap;

"I'm fucking going to kill them all!"

"Pietro, I beg you, don't. They will kill you."

For as much as you begged, he couldn't look at you split lip and broken nose without feeling a burning anger inside of him;

That same day, Avengers came into your life;

You thought life would have been easier from that moment, but then Ultron happened;

"We can't trust him."

You tried to warn them, but the twins only wanted revenge on Stark;

You were the first to actually realize that you were on the wrong side;

When Wanda read into Ultron's mind and saw the destruction of everything you manged to escape with the tiwns;

"We must warn the Avengers, now."

You said and the twins finally understood;

When you arrived at the facility, Tony immediately tried to hit you;

Pietro automatically got mad, ready to fight, but Wanda prevented a mess by stopping him;

When Vision came to life and you decided to join them in Sokovia, you didn't know how to feel;

"What's going on in that stunning mind of yours, baby?"

Pietro softly asked while caressing your face. You were getting ready for the fight. You shrugged;

"I'm worried. I don't want anything bad to happen to you or Wa."

Pietro smiled while pulling you into his arms;

"We'll be free after this, we'll move to a beautiful place and buy a house and then we'll have a very regular, almost boring, totally happy life. I promise you."

"I want to go to Hawaii."

You said and he chuckled while nodding.

He promised and kissed you. For a moment you believed him;

Sokovia's battle was a disaster: you tried to heal as many people as possible but you felt useless. You couldn't hurt the robots, so you were there just as an healer;

Pietro watched your back the whole time, making sure to protect you;

"Not gonna lie, you look quite hot whith this suit."

You suddenly complimented while saving a couple of people;

He stopped just for a second to smirk at you;

"Save it for the Hawaii."

He teased you and started running around again;

When the Shield arrived, you felt like breathing again;

You were safe;

You and Pietro ran into each other's arms, lips crushing and heartbeats fastening;

"We won."

He whispered and you nodded in tears;

You were about to put a foot on the airplane when you noticed a kid who was left on the street;

You wran to him almost instinctively and kneeled down;

"Hey, it's okay, let me heal your leg so we can walk together to the airplane."

You softly reassured him and healed his broken leg;

You didn't notice what was about to happen, but Pietro did: he ran to protect you, positioning himself between you and the gunshots that destroyed everything;

"PIETRO, NO!"

You screamed, but it was too late: when the gunshots stopped, Pietro was filled with bullets;

He fell on the ground and you immediately ran to him, tears running down your face;

"Baby, stay still, let me heal you, stay still!"

You screamed while trying to use your powers, but you couldn't;

No matter how hard you tried, the wounds were too many;

"I can't... I can't... I don't understand..."

You sobbed, but Pietro smiled and grabbed your hand;

"It's okay, I love you, you're safe..."

He whispered before closing his eyes, his hand letting your go;

You felt the world around you crumbling;

You screamed, your hands holding his lifeless body while you cried your heart out;

He was gone;

As soon as you came back on the ground, you immediately ran to Wanda;

You two shared your pain, helping each other and trying to be strong;

Even if the Avengers offered you to stay with them, you refused;

"You're my family, Wa, but I have to go. I have somewhere to be."

You hugged Wanda, tears running down your face, and you promised her to write to her before leaving;

You lived the rest of your life as a doctor, finally helping people and using your powers for something good;

You never stopped loving Pietro and not a day went by without you thinking about him;

You wrote to Wanda quite often, sending her hugs and kisses from the Hawaii.

#pietro maximoff x y/n #pietro maximoff headcanon #pietro maximoff imagine #pietro maximoff x reader #pietro maximoff x neutral reader #pietro maximoff x you

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author-morgan · 3 years

Note

"I won't let anyone hurt you, you're safe with me" with eivor please... Maybe he rescues reader from the order after they had been used for different experiments or something

i am so sorry for how long this took, but I had to come up with the right plot bunny to pair with the prompt for some angst(tm). here you are, i hope you enjoy and don't mind the touch of Havi and Frigg, or in which Havi makes a promise to his sweet Frigg and keeps it even in the next life.

m!Eivor x fem!Reader

SÝNIN CIRCLES IN the clear sky above the longhouse of Ravensthorpe, and then you know your husband is not far now. Soon Eivor Wolfsmal will be back in your arms, where he belongs. The raven descends, coming to perch on your shoulder, nudging his beak against your temple —as much as you’ve missed Eivor, you’ve missed Sýnin in equal measure. Things could get surprisingly lonely without a tetchy raven around to croak at all hours of the night, steal your hairpins, and beg for treats. Reaching up, you scritch the blue-back feathers on his belly and are rewarded by a low, gurgling croak. “Have you been behaving yourself?” Sýnin bobs his head, but you have a gut feeling he’s lying for the chance at a few extra treats.

Taking to the docks, you watch along the river bends for the sail and masts of the longship. The blue-and-back sail and shields turn from the west —squinting, you can see him standing on the curved scorpion tail, looking onward to home. With a nervous smile, you rest your hand over your belly, knowing soon it will start to grow. You’ve much to tell him since he’s been gone the past weeks, building alliances with Saxon nobles across England.

“Eivor, my love,” you call, meeting him at the edge of the dock as he steps off the longship. His smile is tired but relieved when he looks upon you with Sýnin perched upon your shoulder —the best ‘welcome home’ he could ask for. You open your arms, embracing him as the crew disseminates among the settlement. Eivor pulls back, his hands —rougher than you remember— cupping your cheeks.

There’s something different in your expression, a new glow surrounding you that he cannot place. Regardless of his racing mind, he leans forward as you urge him down with a hand at the nape of his neck. It’s been weeks, and he sighs against your mouth, the burdens of the world washed away by your touch and kiss. “Walk with me?” You ask, holding fast to his hand. He nods, offering his arm. Word of the recently secured alliance can wait; he has been parted from his wife too long.

You lead him past the longhouse, the people of Ravensthorpe smiling as they see Eivor has returned and know what it is you’re going to tell him. Once Valka confirmed your suspicions, it hadn’t taken long for word to travel by way of two mischievous children.

Everyone is happy; and happy for you and Eivor, knowing you two had tried to conceive many times. Stopping beneath the great tree past the Seer’s Hut, you turn with a smile —hand settling on your middle. “I’ve good news to tell you.” Eivor lifts his brow, and your smile only widens as you reach for his hand, pressing it against your belly. He sucks in a deep breath, heart thudding in his chest and ears as he looks to you, his clear blue eyes wide with joy and surprise. You nod, resting your hand over his. “I am with child.”

Eivor is silent for a moment, gathering his words and emotions. He looks down at your belly, then back to you —overjoyed and uncertain. This is a moment you’ve only ever talked about; that he’s dreamt of when the gods were kind enough to let him have a good dream. “I’m going to be a father?” Eivor breathes, though it sounds more like a question. You nod again, eyes gleaming with tears as he rests his other hand on your stomach too. His smile too large to be hidden under his shaggy golden beard. There’s another moment’s pause, then Eivor slips his arms around you, bringing you into a tight embrace —his face tucked into your neck.

You lose track of how long Eivor holds you in his arms as if it all is only a dream and he may wake at any second. Stepping back, he takes your face into his rough hands, brushing away the tears streaking your cheeks. Eivor dips his head down, his nose brushing against yours before your lips meet —gentle and loving but still burning with fervor from the weeks of being parted from one another.

“You’ve made me the happiest man in Midgard,” he admits. You lean into him again, taking another kiss before he settles onto one knee in front of you, level with your belly. Eivor rests his forehead against your front, his hands loosely holding onto your hips. “Rest easy, little one.” Smiling, you brush back his golden hair —half-unbound from his warrior’s braids and knotted. “I will protect you and your mother.” It’s a promise.

“EIVOR,” RANDVI CRIES as he enters the longhouse, tears still fresh on her cheeks. She should not have let you go riding outside of Ravensthorpe alone, especially knowing you were with child. He clasps onto her shoulders, steadying her so she can gather her senses. “It’s Fulke.” The script is fresh in her memory, having read it a dozen times over to be certain of the ill-boding tidings. Randvi shakes her head, unable to meet her friend's concerned gaze. “She’s taken more than just Sigurd.”

“No,” Eivor breathes, but Randvi presents the scroll as proof. He skims the words —his worst fears coming to fruition. Not only did Fulke hold his brother captive, but now the conniving bitch had stolen you away too. You. His wife. The mother of his unborn child. He’d sworn to protect both of you with every breath in his lungs, and now it is an oath broken.

The sudden anger boiling under his skin is so hot it burns the fear freezing him, turning to determination. Eivor crumples the parchment, his expression twisting —no god can save you now, Fulke. “Send word to our allies.” Randvi nods, stepping back to the writing-table at the edge of the map room. “I will burn all of Wessex if I have to,” Eivor grits out, hands turning to fists at his sides as he leaves the longhouse to gather his men —a part of him feels as though he has walked this path before.

HAVI STRIDES THROUGH Fensalir with a deep sadness in his heart, but his agony cannot compare to that of his sweet Frigg. For three days and three nights, his queen has asked for solitude, and though it pained him to keep away during such times, he and the others respected Frigg’s wishes. Though Havi would not leave his dear wife to grieve alone, sending Huginn and Muninn to keep a watchful eye over the Queen of the Æsir. The two ravens are perched upon a stone bench at the edge of the fen. Thor glances over his shoulder at the approaching footsteps —his expression is weary and grief-stricken as he looks upon his father.

Gently, your son releases you from his tight embrace and rises, stepping back with a silent promise to return soon as he greets his father with a solemn nod before leaving. Havi pushes back his hood, seeing the white flowers spring from the earth with your tears. Baldr will be remembered —in deeds and songs and the blossoms brought forth by his mother’s tears. He kneels, reaching for your hands, and slides the bloody sprig of mistletoe free from your grasp. Through weary eyes, you look upon your husband —his expression twisted into the same display of forlorn grief. It makes your heart ache even more to have pushed him away, for he too lost a son. “Frigg,” he sighs.

“Havi,” you cry, falling into him. He swathes you in his black cloak, tucking you against his chest and holding you tight —a vow of retribution on his tongue. Loki would be punished for this crime. For all the realms felt the bitter void left by Baldr’s absence, and all wept, save for a giantess whose unshed tears doomed your son to Hel. The grief and anger simmering in his blood turn to something else —determination. He will not have his sweet Frigg endure this pain again; his one-armed embrace tightens as he cradles the back of your head. “I will not let another of our children fall,” Havi swears, lips brushing over your temple. “Not until our twilight has come.”

HE TWISTS HIS hands into Fulke’s leather-and-cloth armor, throwing the madwoman to the muddy and blood-slick ground. Fulke spits blood, pulling herself away from Eivor Wolfsmal on hands and knees only to find herself surrounded by his men and allies. All their weapons drawn, trained on her. The price for taking the Jarl of Raven Clan and Eivor’s wife is one to be paid in blood, and there is nowhere for her to run. She will have to suffer the wrath. “Where is she?” Eivor roars, kicking Fulke onto her back. He kneels, knee pressing into the bloody gash on her side, one of his throwing axes withdrawn and held high above his head —ready to strike.

There is no fear in her eyes, only bliss. Her work in this world now complete. “You made a choice,” Fulke laughs, choking on blood, “you chose Sigurd.” She coughs, blood-tinged spittle spattering against Eivor’s face, washed away by the pouring rain.

He roars, teeth bared and eyes burning hot with the rage of the gods. Lightning splits open the sky, thunder cracking like a great whip against the earth. “I will flay the skin from your bones and feed your eyes to my raven,” Eivor hisses.

Her smile is bloody —victorious. She knows you are leagues from here, and now the only ones who know are dead or dying. Eivor Wolfsmal could search the land for years and never find the seaside cave on the shores of Cent. “You’ll never find her,” Fulke says. One final victory before relinquishing herself to darkness and her wounds.

Eivor rises, his shoulders heaving and expression twisted. There is no time for a reunion when Sigurd limps from the fortress —clutching the stump where his hand and wrist once were— reinforcements from Wincestre draw nigh. The cry of war horns and drums echoing above the storm. He turns to Dag and Hrefna, eyes flitting over to his brother, unfit to fight in the coming battle. “See him back to Ravensthorpe,” he tells them before shifting his attention back to his allies. The day is not won yet, and Eivor will not rest until he has his beloved back in his arms.

ABOVE THE BREAKING waves of the sea, there is a whisper on the howling wind. Eivor looks to the sea below, then to Basim —his scouts working tirelessly since the siege of Portcestre nigh a fortnight ago to find leads. The culmination of their work leads him and Eivor to the southern edge of Cent to a cave guarded by Fulke’s acolytes. Eivor knows the gods are with him this day, as plain as if the Allfather whispered the affirmation into his ear.

The echoes of battle fill the air, and through the slivers of light above, you see shadows moving and hear the unmistakable cry of a raven growing closer —Sýnin. Rousing from uneasy rest, you clamber to the upturned bucket at the cell’s center, dragging chains behind you. Trembling, you clutch your swollen belly, then step up onto the bucket, fingers finding purchase on the metal grate above, slick with blood and excrements. Sýnin appears at the edge of the grate, his beady eyes staring down at you in the darkness, tilting his head this way and that. He hops up and down —talons clinking against the metal— before squawking wildly.

Eivor’s focus shifts from the dead littering the beach when he hears Sýnin inside the cave, and for the first time in weeks, you hear your name in his voice —a desperate plea. “Eivor!” His name is only a soft, airy rasp, not strong enough to carry with the raven’s calls. “Eivor!” You cry, this time louder, but your voice is broken, throat raw from days screaming and crying at the hands of Fulke and her enforcers. Sýnin’s squawks grow louder, mingling with footsteps.

The wave of relief almost shatters him when it hits and washes over his body and mind when he sees you —alive. Eivor reaches through the lattice, his fingers brushing against yours. “I’ve got you now,” he breathes, the torchlight showing the tears glistening in his clear blue gaze. You nod, smiling with cracked lips —thanking Frigg and Freyja that your prayers did not go unanswered. Eivor urges you to step down and aside, and when you do, he rears back, slamming the butt of his axe against the rusting lock, breaking it. With a sharp cry, he throws open the grate, sliding down into the darkness with you.

Hands trembling, he unlocks the manacles around your wrists and the shackle around your ankle. Each has left your skin red and raw beneath. Eivor gathers you in his arms. “Let’s get you out of here,” he says, lips brushing against your temple. You nod, eager to be rid of this damp and foul hole in the earth. Sýnin takes to your shoulder as soon as you are free, nudging his head against your temple and cheek. With a tired smile, you lift a hand to scritch the dark feathers of his underside as Eivor pulls himself free of the cell.

Eivor kneels, reaching for your hands, his thumbs brushing just above the broken skin on your wrists, and as you lean toward him, he swathes you with the coarse wool of his cloak —forehead pressed against yours. He feels the dampness on your cheeks as you press your face against his scarred neck. "I won't let anyone hurt you again,” he vows, “you're safe now.” One of his hands settles on your stomach, and you cover it with yours, holding him tightly with the other. “You’re both safe,” he whispers, and it’s only when he feels a light twitch against his hand that the realization breaks him. “I’m so sorry, my love,” Eivor chokes.

You draw back from his embrace, seeing the tears streak his face and the guilt clear on his expression. “Don’t blame yourself,” you plead, cupping his scarred cheek. “Please, don’t.” Eivor nods, though guilt still weighs heavily on his heart and will until he sees you safely returned to Ravensthorpe and tended to. He turns farther into your hand until his lips brush the center of your palm —a soft kiss, another promise.

Sýnin croaks, splashing in a puddle, and breaks yours and Eivor’s trance, reminding you both that you’re still in a cave, far from home and where you belong. He slides his arms beneath your knees and around your shoulders, rising with you. “You’re safe,” he repeats, more for himself to hear than you. Eivor breathes a deep sigh when he steps onto the beach, holding you close in his arms. Sýnin flies overhead, as do a pair of ravens — the same pair Eivor has seen in dreams of late. He smiles as he sets on the path carrying you up the cliffside, knowing Havi and Frigg had both heard his prayers.

[taglist: @angstygunslinger @vanillabeanlattes @withered-poppies @ananriel @itseivwhore @maximalblaze @dynamicorbit @theelvenvalkyrie @xxdearlybeloved @elizabethroestone @elluvians @letsloveimagines @finick94 @wallsarecrumbling @kitkitvm @thedragonqueenfan @callmemythicalminx @edelae @darkravenqueen98 ] if your name is italicized, tumblr would not let me tag you. if you’d like to be added to my Eivor taglist, just let me know!

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babybluebex · 3 years

Text

of pubs and profs [tom holland smut]

➽ pairing: prof!tom holland x fem!reader (y/n) ➽ word count: 4.7k ➽ summary: you have what you consider the best night of your life, but discover that it was with the worst person possible. ➽ warnings: NSFW/MDNI. smut, explicit language, fingering/oral (f recieving), unprotected sex (i am begging yall to wear a condom irl) ➽ a/n: alright so... don’t fool around with your teacher pls. live vicariously thru y/n :)

He seemed so out of place here. For one thing, a bar like this was hardly known for much good happening, and this man exuded good. He seemed fit, even as he sat at the bar, his face sharp, full of angles that would have been glorious to sketch, and he had caramel-amber hair that curled around his ears and the nape of his neck. He wore a dark blue turtleneck and slacks, a watch with a leather band around his left wrist.

“You’re staring.”

I jumped. I had forgotten that I was mid-conversation. “Huh?”

Zendaya scoffed. “You’re staring at that guy,” she said. “Like, staring super hard. Do you know him?”

“No,” I mumbled. “He’s just…” I trailed off for a moment, then attempted to save face by taking a sip of my drink. “I like the look of him. Ya know?”

Zendaya scoffed at me. “I like the look of him too, but you’re on something else here.” There was a pause between the two of us, and Zen’s mouth split into a smile. “Five bucks.”

“For what?” I asked.

“You can’t get his number,” Zen said. “I’ll give you five whole dollars if you get his phone number.”

“You don’t have five dollars,” I said playfully, with narrowed eyes. “You don’t even have two coins to rub together.”

“Right, and who bought your drink?” Zen asked. “C’mon, you need to put yourself out there. Ever since you and Jacob broke up, it’s been nothing but… Sad. Your room’s a cave, Y/N. Will you do this for me?”

I cast a glance at the guy once more, and I sighed. “Why not?” I mumbled under my breath. “But I had better get that fucking money, or I’ll take away your apartment privileges.”

“I pay half of the rent, fuck you,” Zen laughed. “Go. Go!”

“I am!” I giggled, and I slid myself out of the booth. The pub was bustling with nightly business, and I edged my way past a group of girls to find a place at the bar. My plan of attack was to order a drink and strike up a conversation with this guy, and grab his phone number before I left. Lucky for me, there was an empty space next to him, and I leaned against the bar with my forearms.

“Oh, hey, good lookin’!” the bartender, Jake, exclaimed. He was a close friend of mine, hence why I always chose to drink at this particular bar. Our freshman year, he lived in the room across the hall from me, and we frequented each other for screwdrivers (of both varieties) all year. Since then, we continued to grow close. “What’s cooking?”

“Not a lot, Gyllenhaal,” I replied, and our hands met in a quick dap. “Lemme get a rum and Coke.”

“Sure thing,” Jake said. “Gimme two minutes. We’ve got a bachelorette party in the back.”

“No problem,” I replied, and I watched Jake slide to the other side of the bar.

The game was now on. I looked over my shoulder to Zendaya briefly, just for long enough to gauge that she was laughing at me, and I cast her a look before turning back. Then, I looked back over my other shoulder, the one closest to the guy, and I caught sight of a book he had. “What’re you reading there?”

He looked up at me with big brown eyes, and my breath caught in my chest. From far away, he was hot but, up close, he was totally something else. He had strands of ginger in his dark hair, and his fingers closed the book in order to look at the cover, like he himself wasn’t sure of what he was reading. “Chaos Walking,” he answered, and my eyes widened. His voice was gorgeous, pitched low, accented with a London attitude. “My mate told me I’d like it.”

“Don’t think I’ve read that,” I said, narrowing my eyes. “What’s it about?”

“Well,” he began and laughed lightly. “A lot. Basically, though, it follows a boy who lives in a world with no girls, where you can hear others thoughts, and he meets a girl. It’s sci-fi and… I dunno.”

“Is it a good read?” I asked. “You seem like you enjoy it.” The book was battered, the paper cover torn and creased, with the spine broken. It was a book that was well-loved, and I liked how his entire being seemed to reflect the book.

“Oh, I love it,” he said with a smile. “It’s so fun, ya know? The entirety of the story is incredible.” Then, a beat passed, and he added, “I’m Tom.”

“Well, hi,” I said and gave him a warm smile. “I’m Y/N. No offense, but this sorta place doesn’t seem like your vibe.”

Tom gave the front of the book a firm pat. “It’s not,” he said. “I was waiting on a friend but he doesn’t seem like he’ll be joining me tonight.”

“I didn’t think so,” I said, wrinkling my nose. “You seem like a coffee shop kinda guy.”

“You don’t quite seem like the sort to be here either,” Tom told me.

“How do you mean?”

“You don’t belong in a pub like this, I just know it,” Tom told me. “You’d be better suited somewhere else.”

I shrugged. “I usually don’t leave my apartment to drink,” I said. “But I’m friends with the bartender and I visit every so often just to say hi.” A moment passed. “Wait, back up. Where would I be better suited?”

Tom smiled, but it seemed more hesitant than before. “At the risk of being bold,” he started. “My flat.”

“Jesus!” I breathed, and my face went hot.

“I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “That was-- I’m so sorry--”

“No, no!” I said quickly. “No, it’s not a problem, I promise. That was bold, Tom, but I don’t mind it. As a matter of fact, I think you might be right.”

“Glad we agree,” Tom said. “D’you wanna get out of here now?”

“Sure thing,” I said. My skin prickled at the thought of him against me, and I laid a gentle hand on his arm. “Let me get my bag.”

When I approached the booth, Zendaya stuck her tongue at me. “You lost,” she said.

“Did I?” I asked, pulling my bag onto my shoulder. “Or am I going home with him?”

“Shut up,” Zen laughed. “That was quick as hell.”

“That tends to happen,” I shrugged. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a meeting with Tom.”

“I hate you,” I heard Zen mutter as I turned away from her.

Tom’s apartment--his flat, as he called it--was just a short cab ride from the bar, and I had hardly passed through the front door before his hands were pressing into my waist and his mouth was on mine. In an instant, I had melted into him, and my hands tangled in the bottom of his shirt. His mouth tasted like whiskey, which felt totally in-character for him, and he carefully nipped at my bottom lip.

“Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” Tom whispered, and he pushed my hair from my neck in order to brush his lips against my throat. No guys in my past had ever told me that in such clear terms, and my entire body ran hot at his words. A shiver ran down my spine, and he huffed a laugh into my neck. “Do you like when I say that?”

“I just like the way you talk,” I admitted. “Could listen forever.”

“That’s an awfully long time,” Tom told me warmly. His slender fingers inched under my shirt to touch my bare skin, and he slid his hands to lay flat against the small of my back. His kisses lingered on my neck, and the feeling of his soft skin was so lovely. “Let’s start with tonight.”

“I can manage that,” I laughed. “Bed?”

As soon as I was down in his bed, Tom was working my shirt off. His hands were so strong and sure against me, and I had no hesitations in letting him do whatever he pleased. His kisses trailed down to my stomach and chest once they were bare to him, and the feel of his mouth on my hip made me take a fistful of those pretty brown waves of his. He just laughed and continued his pursuit downwards, and he rid me of my jeans and panties before pausing and looking up at me. “Is this alright?” He asked.

“Yeah,” I said. “Just… Yeah.”

“Good girl,” Tom whispered, and I swore I died right there. He took my leg in his strong grip and kissed my inner thigh, and he placed the softest kiss to my quivering cunt. I immediately knew that I was in good hands, and I let my body relax and submit to Tom. His shoulders nudged my legs open further as he pressed his warm tongue to my wetness, and I bit back a moan as I tried to keep my legs from closing. I was already shaking, which was honestly embarrassing, but Tom didn’t seem to mind. In fact, it seemed to encourage him, because he placed a series of sloppy kisses to my throbbing clit that made me squeal. Then, his mouth went straight to where I was leaking, and an obscene slurping filled the air. Fuck, he was good.

“Oh my God,” I whispered, and his fingers quickly joined his tongue. First one, then two, then his thumb met my clit, and I whimpered. “Oh, fuck, oh my God.”

“No need to call me that,” Tom whispered. His breath was hot against my wet cunt, his voice raspy, and I couldn’t help the fluttering that enveloped his fingers. “Just my name will do for now.”

The combination of his fingers and mouth made my stomach quiver, and I knew that it wouldn’t be long before I came. I had never come just from being eaten out, and my heart raged against my ribcage when I dared to imagine what came next. His thumb moved slowly around my clit, and his mouth replaced it as his fingers moved in me deliciously. His tongue, so skilled and quick, took up his thumb’s previous job, and he took the throbbing bud into his mouth and quickly nipped it with his teeth at the same moment that his fingertips found home inside me.

There was no hope of obscuring my moan. “Fuck!” I yelped, writhing in his grip. “T-Tom, fuck.”

“Do you wanna come?” Tom whispered, looking at me through his eyelashes. “Use your words, my darling, please.”

“Please, please,” I gasped. My head fell back to expose my neck, and I squeezed my eyes shut. My breathing was ragged, and a shock of electricity raced through my whole body when he laughed into my cunt.

“Such a needy girl,” Tom chuckled. “You don’t have to ask. Whenever you’re ready, just let me know.”

He lapped at my wet cunt, tasting me like he had dreamt of this, and my hand went from his hair to his shoulder. His waves and curls fell into his eyes, but he kept at his work, even when I pushed at his shoulder. “Tommy,” I whimpered out helplessly. “I-I’m gonna-- You--”

“My darling,” Tom said. “I want you to come on my tongue. Let me taste you, babygirl. Come for me.”

My bottom lip was bitten nearly raw, and it only became worse when he said that. I nearly tasted blood as he gave my cunt one last kiss, so much more gentle than what he had been doing before, and my hips stuttered as hot pleasure pulsed through every part of me. I grabbed handfuls of his shirt and tugged him close, and he came to lay with his hips between my legs. My vision was blurry with tears as I studied him, oh so close to me now, and I felt a tiny pride at his pink cheeks and glistening lips. That was all me. “Oh, thank you,” I whispered, and he sweetly kissed each of my cheeks. “That was so good.”

“I’m glad,” Tom said. “Secretly, I pride myself in being able to do that.”

“You should be proud of that,” I huffed. “Also… ‘my god’?”

“That was in jest,” Tom began with a light laugh.

“I know,” I said. My hands trailed up his back, hiking his shirt up to his shoulders, and he helped me in tugging it off. He shook his hair out once it passed his head, and I added, “It’s a fitting name, though.”

“Really?” He asked, bracing himself above me. “Am I a god, Y/N?”

“Close to it,” I told him. I noticed the way that my hands were trembling as I went to his belt, and he must have noticed as well, because his hands went to my wrists. His hands fit all the way around my wrists easily. It wasn’t rough or dominating by any means; his hands slid up from my wrists to grasp my hands, fingers interlocking with mine as he pressed my hands down beside my head.

“Take a deep breath, my darling,” Tom told me gently. His thumb made comforting circles on my hand, and my stomach went all fluttery at how serene it was. “You’re shaking so hard. Do we need to stop?”

“No,” I told him. “I’m alright. I promise.”

“Alright,” Tom said. “Let me know if we need to stop.”

I nodded quickly, reaching for a handful of his hair, and I tugged him down to kiss me. I could taste myself on his mouth and, normally, that would have irked me, but with Tom, it only made my thighs tense and warmth spread through my body. My skin rippled at each touch of his fingers, and I let out little mumblings of his name as he kissed my neck and shoulders.

A surge of boldness ran up my spine, and I moved my hands from where he had placed them back down to his belt. As it seemed was the norm, he was two steps ahead of me, because he was already in the process of leaning back and pulling off his pants. The bedroom was cast only in the soft light of the lamp beside the bed, but I still captured every freckle, hair, and ridge on Tom’s firm chest and stomach. He was the definition of the skinny white guy that had good dick. Or, at least, he gave good head. But someone that good at giving head had to be as skilled elsewhere, right?

He was back on me in an instant, kissing my neck and making little marks on my skin as I shoved his pants down his thighs. Tom’s hands captured my legs and drew them around his naked waist, and I gasped aloud when I felt his hard cock brush against my cunt, already throbbing once more. In fear of seeming dumb, I didn’t intentionally look, but I could feel the weight of his cock against my body, and I stuttered, “God, Tommy..”

“That impressive, huh?” Tom laughed.

“Of course,” I remarked. “What, have you never been told you have a big cock before?”

Tom lifted his head from my neck, and I let out a giggle at his blown-wide pupils and red cheeks. “Where the hell have you been all my life?” He asked with a smile. He laughed, and I noticed the way that wrinkles formed right by his eyes with the extremity of his smile. That was adorable as hell. “You’re gorgeous and so funny, and you’re complimenting me like this? You’re perfect.”

“I’ve just been waiting for you, I guess,” I shrugged and ran my hands over his built arms, rock solid like a statue.

“Sorry it took me so long to find you,” Tom smiled. “Traffic was a bitch.”

I laughed, my head falling back onto the pillows, and Tom situated the head of his cock at my folds. At the feel of it, I gasped, and he swallowed my gasp with a kiss. “Let me know if we need to stop,” he reminded me, kissing my chin gently.

“I’m fine,” I told him, even though I was shaking so fiercely. Tom sank himself into me, and the deep rumble of his moan made my back arch up against him. “Fuck, darling,” he mumbled. “Cunt’s so tight… Squeezing the hell outta me.” His fingers dug into my hip, surely leaving bruises to later admire, and he snapped his hips forward so that he was fully in me.

“More,” I whispered. I wasn’t sure what I wanted more of; I just knew that I wanted more of whatever he ended up giving me.

My whole body thrummed with blood and life as he fucked me, pausing to pant into my neck and kiss my mouth. His back was taut with hard muscles and I raked my fingers down to his waist and back up to his hair. A curl had escaped the rest of his hair and bounced against my forehead with each thrust, and Tom and I each huffed out a laugh at it. Silently, I reached up and twisted the perfect curl around my finger, and Tom gave me another eye-wrinkling smile.

“F-Fuck, darling,” Tom muttered, and I could tell by his stuttering that he was close. The rhythm of his hips had slowed, but his grip on my waist and legs was as tight as ever. “So fuckin good for me, God.”

“I’m getting close again, Tommy,” I told him, my voice shaking. I’m sure he already knew, what with the way my chest was hot and my breathing was erratic, but I still wanted to see the look on his face when I said it.

“Oh, me too, my darling,” Tom whispered. His hand fell from its place at my hip and came to rest on my stomach, just above the point where he had himself buried inside me, and his thumb-- that damned thumb of his-- slid down until he was playing with my clit once more. There was an urgency this time, though, his movements quicker and messier. With each thrust, his own belly quivered, and I desperately pulled at his hair. I needed him to come first. I needed to feel him spill himself inside of me. I needed to feel his cum leak out of me, to hear him laugh at the mess we made like I knew he would. I needed so much. I just needed him.

“Tommy,” I whimpered, keening into his touch. “Fuck, Tom--”

His lips crashed into mine, and that was all it took. My legs shook around his waist, and my vision went white-hot for a moment. His thrusts were messy, his waves and curls completely undone and hanging in his eyes, and he watched with a greedy gaze as I writhed under him. I pulled his head down into my neck and he resumed his work of nipping my skin and soothing the sting with his tongue, and I kissed the shell of his ear. “Oh, Tom,” I whispered, just loud enough for him to hear over the sounds of our shared gasps. “Please, for me?”

He pulled himself from me and was spilling in an instant, covering my waist and stomach in his warm cum. He settled himself on his elbows above me once again, and I took care to brush those waves off of his forehead. His hair had gone super curly with the little bit of sweat on his forehead, and I bit the tip of my tongue. “Yeah?” I whispered.

“Yeah,” Tom agreed. “Let me get you a towel. Stay right there.”

“Wasn’t really planning on going anywhere, honestly,” I laughed.

When he returned, he was wearing a pair of boxers and a t-shirt that hugged his muscled frame. He sat beside me and carefully wiped me clean with the wet corner of a towel, and he placed a sweet kiss on my forehead. “Are you feeling alright?” Tom asked. “Can I get you anything?”

“I’m fine,” I told him. “Thanks, though.”

“No worries,” Tom told me. “You’re welcome to stay the night, if you’d like. I must warn you, though, that I like to cuddle.”

“I would have expected nothing less,” I told him. I sat up, testing my legs for a moment, and my cheeks went hot. “Umm… I don’t think I can walk.”

Tom’s eyes went big for a moment, and he reached for me with a hesitant hand. “Are you kidding?” He asked.

“My legs are shaking too hard,” I whispered and bit my lip.

“Oh, my darling, I’m so sorry,” Tom told me, his eyebrows pitching up. “I truly didn’t mean to hurt you--”

“You didn’t,” I said quickly. “It’s… This is a good thing. I promise.”

There was a brief exchange that ended with Tom giving me a shirt to sleep in and me promising him that I won’t try to walk until my legs quit shaking. We found each other again once in bed, my head fitting snugly under his chin, and his fingernails lightly scratched up and down my back. The feel of his strong arms around me, holding me in such a protective way, lulled me to sleep.

The night passed under a thin veil of dreams. All too soon, an alarm began to blare, scaring me fully awake in a second. From the darkness, there was a groan of displeasure, and a grunt as the bed squeaked and shifted, and the alarm was turned off with a solid stab of a finger. “Sorry, darling,” Tom whispered. “I forgot I have an early morning today.”

“You’re fine,” I whispered. The lamp turned on, and I was met with Tom, his hair messy and frizzy, his face flushed with good sleep. I stretched my arms above my head, allowing a quick squeal, and I said, “I should probably be heading out soon too. I have an eight AM.”

“Ugh,” Tom groaned. “I hate those.”

“Right,” I agreed. “Who wants to learn at eight in the morning?”

“The poor instructor,” Tom laughed. His voice was lower than before, scratchy as well, and my chest warmed at the sound. He fixed his hair out of his face, and he turned to see me, still wrapped up in his shirt and blankets. “You look cozy.”

“I am,” I said softly. “Wish I could stay for just a little longer.”

“Pursuit of knowledge is an honorable one, though, darling,” Tom told me. “Would you like to shower first?”

“No,” I said. “I have to go by my apartment to get my stuff and change clothes anyway, I’ll just shower there.”

“Alright,” Tom nodded. He reached for me and I met him halfway, brushing my lips to his in a soft kiss, and he gave me a light laugh. “I need to get your phone number. I’d love to do this again.”

“I’d like that too,” I said. I gave him a parting kiss, then worked myself from the bed. I stretched once more, feeling my back pop, and I found my bag by the door to the bedroom. I gave Tom my phone, open to a new contact listing, and he gave a mischievous smile before plugging in his information. “What’s that smile all about?”

At the top of my screen, it read Big Dick Tom.

“Oh, God,” I laughed. “That’s really gone to your head, hasn’t it?”

“You’re the one who told me that,” Tom argued. “And, if someone tells you that you have a big dick, you take that shit to heart.”

“Sure, sure,” I said quickly. “I’ll text you; maybe we can get dinner this weekend?”

Tom gave me a smile that was fit for a king. “Of course, my darling girl.”

Tom ended up sending me home with the shirt I had slept in. It was for some carpentry school in Wales, but it was soft and smelled like Tom, so I didn’t really mind the odd reference. Just before I left, he had swept me up in his arms and kissed me, and he pressed his forehead to mine. “This might be premature,” he whispered. “But do you wanna be my girlfriend?”

Zendaya slapped a five dollar bill in my hand when I entered the apartment. “Did you have a good time?” she asked.

“The best,” I told her. “He’s super sweet and a great time, and he asked me to be his girlfriend.”

“You said yes, right?” Zen asked.

“Duh,” I scoffed. “A hot Brit who likes me? I’m not letting that go.”

“Right,” Zen said, and the smile dropped from her face. “Well, while you were off getting dick from your new man, our literature professor dipped.”

“What?” I asked.

“Yeah,” Zen said, spinning her laptop to face me. She had an email pulled up from the head of the department, declaring that our professor, our beloved Dr. Osterfield, would not be teaching the course any longer. Buried in the text of the email, it said the name of the replacement professor: Dr. Holland. “I tried to look this guy up, but he’s not on Rate My Professor or anything.”

“It’s halfway through the fuckin’ semester,” I groaned. “This blows.”

“I just hope this new guy’s easy,” Zen groaned. “I can’t deal with a hard class right now.”

The class was still held in the same room as before, and the general air was worse than a normal eight AM. At least, with Dr. O, he had an infectious energy that woke us all up. Nobody knew what to expect with this new guy. I hoped that, for my sake, he was cool.

The door to the classroom opened, and a man said, “I apologize for the wait. It’s just my luck that I’d be late today…”

My whole body went cold and my heart stopped. Tom. My boyfriend, my fucking Tom stood at the front of the small lecture hall, wearing the jeans and white buttoned shirt that I had helped pick out. “Well, this is a strange thing, isn’t it?” Tom chuckled, clasping his hands together. “I’ll explain, don’t worry. But first, I think maybe an introduction is in order.”

He unwound his bag from his shoulder and opened it for a moment, and a whole new wave of dread washed over me. While he was in the shower, I had written him a quick note and stuck it in his bag. It was nothing more than “thanks, love. hope to see you soon xx”, but a smile split his face wide. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “Apparently, my girlfriend left me a little note. Hmm! Anyway, I’m Dr. Holland. Call me that, or Tom, or any variation of the above. I promise you, I’ve heard it all.”

Tom settled himself on the edge of his desk and he fluffed up his hair a bit. It was then that a quiet wave of titters passed through every girl in the hall; a hickey. It was small, but it was there, right under his ear. “I went to school in London, where I’m from, before I got a degree in English literature from Cambridge. Then, I came to the States and managed to get my doctorate in it, and, who’d have guessed it, this is my first teaching job. Go easy on me, huh?.” My little note, written on a sticky note, was clasped in his hand, and I seriously wanted to die right then and there. My professor. I was stupid. Of course the stars had aligned (or misaligned?) to allow this to happen. And just when I thought I found the right guy, too.

“Right,” Tom said. “Let’s look at the attendance, see what we’re working with, and I’ll let you guys fill me in on what Dr. Osterfield was covering.”

The closer he got to my name, the colder my face went. I hated every single moment of it. “And… Y/L/N? Y/N?”

I quietly raised my hand, then managed a meek, “Here.”

His eyes trained on me, and I watched the same recognition flood his eyes. Quickly, though, Dr. Tom Holland averted his gaze back down to his computer, and he said, “There you are, Y/N… Can I see you after class?”

#tom holland #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland smut #smut fanfiction #prof!tom #i'm so excited for this yall #u don't get it

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the-winter-spider · 3 years

Text

The Broken Hearted

Summary: You've loved Bucky all your life, and he's loved you but when the moment finally comes when you profess your love, his words are well not there.

Characters: 1940s!Bucky x Reader, Steve x Reader (platonic)

A/N: I haven't wrote anything in over 5 years, especially on this Tumblr account so I am EXTREMELY rusty.Not proof read yet. Flashbacks in italics.

Warnings: Mentions of abuse. Bad writing.

Word Count: 1.5k

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

1940s

You were anxiously waiting on the apartments front steps, your right knee bouncing up and down fidgeting with the hem of your dress. You knew the boys would be back anytime soon from whatever double date they were on, because Bucky promised you that no matter what he would be home at 9pm sharp for you years ago and every night since then he has been, but tonight he was cutting it close. You placed your clutch down beside you, placing your head between your hands letting the tears flow thinking of the events that happened just 30 minutes before.

—

“You will marry him y/n!” Your father shouted at you slamming his fist down into his desk in the study.

You clenched your fists your nails digging into your skin, you could feel the nails breaking the skin, your heart was thumping so loud you almost didn’t here the words come out of your mouth, you’ve said them in your bathroom in front of the mirror so many times you almost didn’t believe this was real till you felt your father's open hand hit right cheek, your head went sharply to the left, your grasped your cheek out of instinct.

“What did you say?”

You took a big breath turning to face him looking him in the eyes “No Father, I will not be marrying him, I will not be marrying a man I am not in love with! I don’t love him!”

Your father scoffed, “Yeah what do you know about love?” Taking a drink out of his whisky sitting on the desk.

“More than you” You whispered

“Let me guess you are in love with that poor, scumbag of a man, no, a boy who lived across town? You will NEVER have a life with him, you will live on the streets if you marry that boy!”

Tears were welling in your eyes “At least I will be loved!”

“He doesn’t even love you! Or he wouldn’t be out with a different girl every night, you do not think i know? You think because I am an old man I do not keep tabs on my only daughter? You WILL marry the Williams son y/n and that's final!” your father grabbed his empty whisky glass throwing it directly at the wall beside your head just missing you, as it shattered beside you. You ran out of his study grabbing your clutch on the way out. As you were about to leave you heard your father shout “If you leave you never come back you hear, you ungrateful little girl!”

—

You pushed up your sleeve and looked down at your watch. It was 9:52pm, he was late. You let out a loud sigh, you stood up and brushed your dress off since this was the only outfit you had since your father said you were not welcomed back, taking one final glance at your watch you knew he wasn't coming, wiping your tears away you bent down picking up your coat and clutch when you hear heavy footsteps ``Doll, i am SO sorry, I lost track of time” you kept your head low letting out a sniffle “Woah there, what's wrong?” He steady you placed his hands on either side of your waist “Y/n look at me” You hesitated between your bruising cheek, split lip and make up most likely running down your face you knew you weren’t going to be a site Bucky was used to. When your eyes finally met his blue ones, you could see him processing everything his eyes went from your bruised cheek to your lips and back to your eyes before you knew it, seeing the pity on his face you started to shed tears again “What happened doll!?” He said sternly but almost above a whisper his eyes searching for anything in yours “B-bucky, I m-messed up bad, I-i don't know what to do'' you cried out, he pulled you into his chest, kissing the top of your head “Let's head up and you can tell me everything up there, yeah?” you nodded, Bucky reached down grabbing your coat and clutch in one hand while wrapping his other around you, pulling you tightly into his side.

His mind was running a million miles a minute, he felt like he was going to explode, so many emotions running through him, anger, regret, love, sadness, he felt like he was bursting at the seams but he was trying his best to keep his composure because he knew that's what you needed right now and no one else mattered to him more than you right now. He knew he loved you since the first time he laid eyes on you outside after watching you use your clutch to hit some boys who were picking on Steve. You were everything he ever wanted in a lady but you made him so nervous because he knew he was not good enough for you, you came from old money, he did not, no one would ever approve of any relationship with him, he was nothing compared to you.

His apartment door creaked open, he gently set your things down on the wobbly side table, you weaved your way to his old couch with the mismatched cushions, you felt a dip in the couch beside you making you look up again meeting his beautiful blue eyes, you gave him a soft smile, he reached over placing his hand gently on your bruising cheek, you winced slightly before relaxing into his warm touch, his thumb was gently rubbing your face, moving closer to you.

“What happened?” Bucky finally spoke.

“M-my Father, t-told me t-that I…” you trailed off feeling more tears coming, placing both hands on either side of your face “Breath Doll, it's just me” Bucky offered you a small smile, rubbing his thumb over your split lip “so beautiful” he mumbled.

You took a deep breath, your eyes never leaving his and vise versa “My father told me tonight, that I have my future husband has been picked out and my marriage has been arranged, I will be getting married December of next year” You let it all out in one big breath, Bucky's hand fell from your check, realization hitting him that you two really were never going to get to be together, he was fighting back tears, he broke eye contact with you for the first time tonight, you took one more breath before grabbing his hand in yours “I told him no, that i wasn't going to be with a man let alone marry a man i didn't love, especially when my heart belonged to someone else” you spoke softly, his eyes rose to meet yours “Who, um who does it belong to?” His voice wavered which was something that rarely happened with the Bucky Barnes, you gave him a small smile “It belongs to you, it always has belonged to you Buck”

You could feel his breath. He was so close to you, your lips inches apart, his tongue ran over his bottom lip. You could see something in eyes, something you only ever saw when you asked him if he wanted to go dancing or to see a film but he was already on his way to take another girl on a date to either or and Bucky told you each time it happened that he would in a millisecond go with you over them, that you were is main girl but Bucky was too much of a gentleman to stand any women up and you loved him for it, so it was always you and Steve in the end which of course you did not mind it was Steve but you longed for what those other girls got with Bucky and you always thought he felt the same way but you started to second guess everything as you saw that look in his eyes, that pitiful look’

You backed away sucking in a deep breath taking a minute to process everything before standing up your eyes scanning for your things “Doll? What are you doing?” Bucky reached for your hands, pulling them away from his grasp, “I should go Buck, this was a mistake” You grabbed your clutch and coat whipping the door in the process, tears streaming down your face for what seemed like the 10th time tonight, you were surprised you didn’t run out of them by now, as you were stepping out, you could hear Bucky's heavy footsteps from behind you on that creaky wood floor, you could almost hear him pleading with you to stay and talk but you couldn’t hear him over your own loud thoughts, you turned the corner and were stopped abruptly by another person in your way “Y/n?” a soft but confident voice spoke, you looked up only to be met with another pair of blue eyes “Hey Stevie” You gave him a small wave, his face flooded with concern “Bye Stevie” you sniffled whisking passed him and out the apartment door, to be met with rain, you laughed to yourself, you did not know what worse, the unfortunate luck of it raining on what was the worst day of your life, the throbbing pain radiating off your cheek, or your heart being shattered to pieces by Bucky’s wordless response to you professing your love.

You were numb and not from the cold rain.

#bucky x reader #bucky barns x reader #bucky x you #bucky x female reader #1940s bucky #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barns x you #bucky barns x y/n

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dollslayer · 3 years

Note

Please continue the Scandal-based Steve fic, you write the best angst ever!!!!

A/N: As you wish! Thank you so much for reading, hope this is up to par 💖 (ps- if you commented on the first one I'm tagging you for this follow up, no permanent tags tho don't worry!)

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader, Steve Rogers x Peggy Carter

Warnings: pseudo-cheating, angst, alcohol consumption, swearing, love triangle, secret relationship

Part One HERE I Main Masterlist

It’s been an entire week since you walked out on Steve. He never did find the words to tell you that he wasn’t going to leave Peggy, but you never found the words to explicitly leave him, either. You were both in a game of chicken that you’d unknowingly started and neither of you had found the courage to finish it.

It was so easy when you were swept up in the moment, a storm of anger and hurt that finally came to a breaking point. But now you were past it and found yourself lost. The only thing making you feel better was seeing that Steve was having just as hard a time as you were. He wasn’t as outgoing, he was making dumb mistakes, he was off his game. You didn’t necessarily want Steve to suffer but it was reassuring in some way, to know that he felt anything for you. You just wanted this entire mess to be over.

But when the mess was over, what would you want to come of it? Do you even want to be with Steve any more? Or do you just not want him to be with Peggy? Thinking it through, what you felt for Steve was real, real enough to pull on your heartstrings and real enough to hurt. After all of the grief that Steve has caused you you’re not sure that you could properly forgive him. Maybe over time but you couldn’t see yourself trying to rebuild your relationship when the two of you had so much else to focus on.

So now you were caught in some sort of relationship purgatory because you were too afraid to end it. And he was too much of a coward to admit he’s been in the wrong this whole time. Honestly you can’t justify Steve’s actions on any level when it came down to it. His men are in the midst of war and fighting Hydra and he really thinks that a relationship is going to be their saving grace and reassurance? Bull.

On some level, no matter how deep it is, Steve saw something for her that he didn’t see in you and he felt some affection for her. Maybe saying that the relationship was just a front was his way of covering his real feelings for her. But he’d be damned if he thought he could have his cake and eat it too. You’d spent many a night cycling through this thought process and ending up right where you started.

Getting nowhere in your deliberating you decided to bury yourself in your work. You’d always felt that it was fulfilling work, you helped civilians and military alike with your work and you were damn good at it. So you plunged head-first into your codebreaking and strategy-forming and put your in-limbo relationship on the back burner.

Throwing yourself head first into work turned out to be in your best interest for the time being. The last two missions had been a success but per usual, you had gone unrecognized. That’s fine, you didn’t need to be patted on the back every time you excelled but every once in a while it would be nice. And thanks to your codebreaking, once again, you find yourself stuck in the corner of the dingy pub you had lost your mind in just a week ago. Unappreciated. Or so you thought.

You sat back thinking Steve wasn’t under Peggy’s thumb this time but he was trying his best to make the most of the moment over a pint with the rest of the commandos. And you were back in what was becoming your usual corner of the pub, sipping on a dry red wine. It was bitter on your tongue but after the week you’ve had you needed a drink, even if it meant seeing them.

“You did good back there, thank you” Bucky’s voice shook you from your thoughts. “Okay if I sit?”

You were so caught off guard by anyone really speaking to you, let alone praising you that you couldn’t find anything to say. You just stared at Bucky with wide eyes before nodding slowly. He settled into the chair next to you and took a swig from his bottle.

“You know, on the outside you don’t seem like you’re gonna be much but when you put yourself to work… it’s somethin’ else. You’re a natural.” Bucky told you.

“Um, thanks, I guess?” You brushed off the compliment to give him one of your own, “We wouldn’t be sitting here right now if it weren’t for you all. I’m just some codebreaker, you’re the one doing the leg work”

“Give yourself some credit, you deserve it.” Bucky patted you on the shoulder and for the first time in weeks you felt a spark of genuine happiness. You shyly smiled up at Bucky and took a sip of your wine.

“So, you wanna tell me what’s got Steve snappin’ his cap at everyone? You two break up?”

Your eyes rounded in surprise. You were so sure that no one had known. You were so sure Steve didn’t want anyone to so it didn’t occur to you that Bucky might’ve known.

“Did… Steve tell you? About us?”

“Didn’t have to. I ran after him to talk a few weeks ago and found you two smoochin’”

Your face heated in slight embarrassment but you nodded in understanding.

“I just… it’s not fair that he should show her off like she’s his sweetheart while I’m treated like some dirty secret. I gave him a piece of my mind and he wasn’t able to cope. But I don’t know where this leaves us. He didn’t split but there’s just no way we could go on like this.”

Bucky looked a little miffed but grunted in affirmation. He shook his head and clenched his jaw.

“I knew he and Peggy weren’t for real but what he’s been doin’ to ya ain’t right. Sorry Steve’s been such a knucklehead. My two cents, you go back to him and confront him. And if he’s too much of a punk to see what he’s got you walk.”

You shakily exhale and take another gulp before setting your palms flat against the table.

“Easier said than done, but you’re right”

“I love him, he’s my brother but forget him if he’s too much of a jerk to know what he’s got. But for now let’s just get pleasantly drunk, whaddya say?”

Rather than giving him an answer you downed the rest of your glass and put it down on the table. Bucky was looking at you with a toothy grin.

“Atta girl”

____

The evening had been as promised, you were pleasantly drunk and for the first time in weeks you were letting yourself enjoy the moment. Bucky was funny and kind to you when no one else had even batted an eye and you found yourself grateful for his company that night.

You were humming to yourself as you walked back to your room but just when you reached for the door a hand reached out for your wrist. You didn’t need to look up to know that the hand belonged to Steve. You denied yourself the comfort you found in physical contact and reminded yourself of the situation. You sighed and looked up to him expectantly.

“You and Buck? Just what the hell’s going on?” Steve demanded.

“Oh so now you want to talk to me? You only care now that you’re not my main focus?” You shot right back at him. You swayed slightly, tipsy still from the wine.

Steve’s jaw tensed and he schooled his features though you could tell he was simmering on the inside.

“No”, he said calmly, “I just wanted to know. If you’re trying to make me jealous it’s not going to work.”

“Well I wasn’t trying but apparently it is working.”

Steve’s hands balled into fists and you could see veins beginning to spout in his hands. He didn’t say anything so you continued.

“I give you an ultimatum and tell you how much you’ve hurt me and you only come back once I turn my attention to your best friend? He’s the only one that’s said a nice word to me this whole time. The rest have been caught up in the lie you’ve been spinning with Peggy!”

Your anger was getting the better of you but you were letting it. Anger got you through it the first time, it’ll get you out no matter how it ends.

“That’s not fair-”

“You’re not fair, Steve. The way you’ve been treating me, it isn’t right! I gave you a choice and you’ve been dragging your feet. I’m going to ask you one more time, Steve. Me? Or Her?”

Steve was silent again, you could tell he wasn’t thinking about what he wanted, but he was forming an answer. Deep down you knew it would come to this. He’s never going to hold your hand in public, there’s never going to be an apartment in Brooklyn, there’s never going to be an us between you. Maybe there never was.

Steve started to call your name but you shook your head and scrunched your eyes closed in a mixture of frustration and pain. Tears were welling in your eyes but you’d be damned if Steve Rogers would see a single one fall. He doesn’t deserve it. He doesn’t deserve you, he never did.

“I’m sorry…” Steve offered lamely.

“No, you’re not.” Maybe that wasn’t fair of you to say, Steve did look to be in genuine emotional pain over this but right now you didn’t care. If he had felt any true remorse he wouldn’t have let himself get anywhere with Peggy in the first place.

“I really did want all of that with you, I still do. We could still have it, we just need to get through this, please.”

You shook your head and started ushering him towards the door.

“No, Steve. That’s all gone now. You had your chance but I’m worth more than how you treat me.”

You opened the door and waited for him to leave.

“I think you should go. I don’t have anything left to say to you.”

With that Steve sighed heavily but left with his head hung between his shoulders. You could’ve sworn he was crying but you didn’t care if he was. He made this happen and he didn’t treat you right. So this is what happened.

Tears finally make their way down your face but you don’t feel sad. It’s cathartic almost, like a weight lifted. You’d probably put in for a transfer with the SSR just to save the team the grief but for now you’d keep your head down, keep working. Damn Steve Rogers for not seeing in you what you saw in yourself and damn anyone else that didn’t either.

#anon ask #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x peggy carter #steve rogers angst #marvel x reader #marvel au #40s!Steve #love triangle #secret relationship

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streetlight11 · 3 years

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Neighbour's Fate

Summary: He was your neighbour growing up but he has always been distant. You didn't know for what reasons he chose not to mingle with you or your younger brother. It's been 6 years since you saw him. One day, you best friend asks for a favour from you that would eventually lead you to meeting his close friends. Who would've thought your old neighbour was now one of your best friend's close friends.

Theme: university au, old neighbours to lovers

Genre: fluff, a tad bit of jealousy, a little suggestive

Warning: mentions of anxiety, one or two curse words, very mild harassment (grabbing of wrist, that's all)

WC: 6.5k

Pairing: Seo Changbin x Fem!Reader

a/n: This was just a spur of the moment kind of idea I had the other day, and so this was the work I created... Hope you guys like it :)

Growing up, you lived beside the Seo family. They were a family of four and so were you. Their oldest child was a girl and her name was Seo Jiwoo. Their youngest child was a boy and his name was Seo Changbin. You were pretty close to the girl, to the point where you would always go to school together but the boy had always avoided you for unknown reasons.

He wouldn’t even play with your younger brother. It used to upset you but as you grew up, you realized that you can never force anyone to like someone or do something they didn’t want to do. And for that reason, you ended up letting him be.

However, despite not talking to you as much as his sister did, he was very attentive on small little things and he noticed that you tend to get anxiety attacks whenever you are in front of a huge crowd or the centre of attraction. And he knows this.

You had just entered senior year when you heard news from your parents that the Seo family were moving.

You were sad considering you’re already so close to Jiwoo. But you couldn’t force them to stay there anyways. You accepted the fact that you probably wouldn’t see them anytime soon, maybe not ever. You bid them goodbye, not forgetting to glance at Changbin one last time before they drove off with their boxes loaded into a van.

Two years passed since they moved and you were finally going to college.

You decided to move to Seoul alone and your parents allowed it. Your heart was heavy to leave them behind but they understood that you were doing it because you wanted to further your studies. For that, they willingly let you go.

After graduation, you enrolled yourself into a college with your favourite course, not forgetting to find an affordable apartment for yourself. And that was the start to a new chapter in your life.

4 years passed by in a flash and you had managed to further your studies by going to university. You were currently a Computer Science major in Hankuk University, together with your best friend whom you met in college and have been friends ever since. He was two years younger than you but he was pretty mature for his age, and his name is Hwang Hyunjin.

It was a bright Thursday morning and you were just strolling to your lecture class when someone swung their arm over your shoulder. Right when you were about to curse, the familiar voice warned you.

“Relax, stop being too defensive will you?”

You clicked your tongue at him, seeing him shake his head a little to get his long beautiful blonde bangs away from his eyes.

“Then announce who you are first before putting your arm around me next time, will you?” You scoffed, earning a roll of his eyes. “You’re unbelievable sometimes, you know that?” Hyunjin sighed.

“I appreciate that compliment.”

“Whatever…” Hyunjin could only laugh as the two of you continued to walk to class.

Hours went by, it was currently lunch hour. You made it to the cafeteria in time when there still weren’t many students yet. Hyunjin was walking beside you, telling you stories about his ex-girlfriend whom he caught cheating on him last month when you spotted an empty table a few rows down from you.

With that, you grabbed his shirt and began to drag him to the table before anyone else occupies it. A few minutes later, you were just munching on your smoked squid when someone came to give Hyunjin a handshake.

You looked up to see two guys whom you knew to be in Hyunjin’s dance crew team that represented the campus.

One of them had pretty freckles all over his face while the other one had a cute gummy smile with doe round eyes. They simply acknowledged you with a friendly smile and a nod before walking away.

You’ve never really met Hyunjin’s friends before properly because you were shy.

Even with those two guys, you knew they were part of Hyunjin’s close circle of friends that had other guys from other campuses but you’ve never met them before. You weren’t sure if you even wanted to, if they’re all just going to be as equally good looking as the two dancers from your campus.

A few days later, you were lounging in your living room on a Friday night watching your favourite TV show on Netflix. You were in nothing but panties and a big hoodie that you remembered to be Hyunjin’s but you stole it one night when you slept over at his place after he broke things off with his ex-girlfriend when he found her cheating on him with a friend of his but not from his circle.

You were just seated on your couch with a chocolate almond drink in your hand when you got a text from Hyunjin.

With that, he told you to pick him up at his apartment so that you could go meet his friends at the mall and discuss his plan. It sounds ridiculously dramatic to you but then again, it’s Hyunjin. Nothing’s ever not ridiculously dramatic when it comes to him.

You texted him you’ll pick him up at around 2, in which he said okay. You were scheming through your closet to see what you could wear. You didn’t want his friends to have a bad first impression on you so you opted to wear a little feminine. After rummaging your closet for a good few minutes, you ended up pulling out a baby blue off shoulder, floral print dress.

You’ve worn this out with Hyunjin before once but mostly with your girl friends. You kept your hair simple with a messy low bun, leaving your fringe to frame your face as it parts nicely in the centre.

Once it was time to pick him up, you left your apartment. Not forgetting to bring your purse along to keep your important belongings.

You wore your favourite white Nike air force 1s to pair it with your outfit.

After you’ve managed to pick him up from his apartment, he tells you which mall they promised to meet. The drive there was filled with him complaining to you saying his ex kept bothering him on kakao talk and also social media.

He said he’s had enough so he wants to get back at her to show her that he’s moved on. He told you that she invited him and his friends to her birthday party at her house next weekend.

So he wants to use this chance for his payback.

You simply listened to his plan as you focused on the road ahead of you. Once you’ve found yourself a parking space, you park your vehicle and leave.

He walked with you to the restaurant, all the while talking to you about your dreadful assignment. You arrived at the restaurant, only for a waiter to approach you two.

“Uhh, hi. My friends are here actually. Table reserved under Chan I think?” Hyunjin said as the waiter went ahead and checked the booking list, only for him to nod when his eyes met the name that was mentioned.

“Ah, yes. Right this way.” He led you deeper into the restaurant as you followed behind Hyunjin.

You were too busy focusing on the crying child across the room, not realizing you were already at the table until Hyunjin’s arms wrapped around your waist to stop you from walking. You whipped your head around to lock eyes with him as he chuckled at you for being clumsy.

Just then, you turned towards the table and you saw a whole table filled with really handsome guys. You also noticed that the two dancers from campus whom you recognized pretty well by now.

“Oh, hey!” The one with freckles said as he waved to you and so did the other one. You smiled shyly to them as you rested your right hand on your left elbow.

You schemed through the different pairs of eyes, smiling to them as a way of saying hello.

Just when you thought you were done, you didn’t notice the one who got blocked by Hyunjin’s tall and lean body. It wasn’t until Hyunjin turned around to call for the waiter, that you finally locked eyes with the individual seated at the edge of the bench.

He was absolutely breath-taking.

He was wearing a grey shirt that hugged his upper body a little too perfectly.

His muscles were in full view. His broad chest puffing out against the soft material of his shirt. The sleeves of his shirt doing the bare minimum in giving his muscular arms air to breath. His shirt tucked into his black cargo pants that had a chain attached to the belt hooks.

He wore a silver chain necklace as his accessory and a few chain bracelets as well. His hair was styled to show his forehead despite it not being slick back. However, his eyes were cold at first but the minute he looked at you, you could’ve sworn his eyes went wide for a split second before it softened.

Your smile slowly disappeared as Hyunjin spoke up to get your attention, “Noona? You okay? You look like you just saw a ghost.”

With that, he chuckled as he turned to his friends and continued talking, “Friends, this is my best friend since college, Y/N. Noona, these are my friends, Felix, Minho hyung, Seungmin, Jeongin, Jisung, Chan hyung and Changbin hyung.”

At the mention of that last name, a sudden rush of adrenaline flowed through your veins as you turned to look at the said individual. Letting his name roll off your tongue.

“Chang… bin?”

The table fell quiet as your eyes diverted from his to the plate in front of him. The boys didn’t miss the frown that soon appeared on your face.

“Do you know him?” Hyunjin asked, genuinely intrigued by your reaction.

Why is the name making your heart flutter?

Just then, you looked back into Changbin’s soft eyes only to ask, “Seo… Changbin?” You heard a few light gasps from the guys but they weren’t your main focus right now.

You watched as Changbin shifted in his seat, making him ask, “How did you know my name?”

His question made you confused.

Was he not your neighbour? Was he not the same Seo Changbin you used to grow up next to? Was he a different Seo Changbin?

This made you feel slightly embarrassed thinking you mistook him for someone else. So you apologized, “I… sorry, maybe I mistook you for someone else.” With that being said, he didn’t say anything else as Hyunjin brought you to the empty space beside Jisung and Seungmin. During lunch, Hyunjin explains what his plan was to everyone.

You listened to him as well, occasionally giving him scoffs or a click of your tongue if you felt that he might be a bit too sassy about the things he wanted to do.

After lunch was over, they wanted to walk around the mall for a bit so you followed.

You had all just entered the lift to go down to level 1 from level 6. There were a few strangers who came in as well. You were the last to enter after the boys while the other shoppers came rushing in behind you.

You had just turned around when a rowdy bunch of people pushed you in further. You were about to lose balance when you felt a firm hold on your waist. What you also felt was your upper back accidentally crashing into a firm chest. You were secretly hoping your guess was wrong but it wasn’t.

“It’s okay. I got you.” His raspy voice said quietly in your ear over the noisy lift, making you turn your head slightly.

That was your first mistake.

The minute you turned, his lips accidentally brushed against your cheek as it was now inches away from your own lips. You were caught off guard by the close proximity so you softly gasped and were going to pull away from him when you accidentally bumped into the person in front of you.

That was your second mistake.

Because the minute you slightly bumped into them, the person turned around to give you a disapproving look, making you apologize quietly as you felt the hands on your waist wrap itself around you and tugged you against him as a way to comfort you.

Changbin simply hid his smile against your hair on his left where his face was between your head and the lift walls so none of his friends saw this.

Your heart was pounding against your chest as you unconsciously rested your hands on top of his forearms. After the crowd left the lift at level 3, you could finally breathe as Changbin let go of you before his friends saw him hold you.

You went home that day feeling lost and confused.

Does that mean he knows you, that he was simply acting as if he doesn’t remember you? Why else would he act that way, unless he’s that type of guy who knows his way around girls?

As far as you remember, Hyunjin has never mentioned being friends with fuckboys and that he says that his friends were all very sweet and humble guys.

Either way, you decided not to think much of Changbin and just carry out Hyunjin’s favour and you’d call it done with being around his friends. But of course luck wasn’t on your side and that it always has it’s way of turning things around in your life. This time, it was with Hyunjin’s friends.

More specifically, Changbin.

The day finally came, you were going to be Hyunjin’s fake girlfriend for the night. You weren’t really nervous considering you don’t have any special feelings for him. You were more anxious that you will be seeing his friends tonight. And that means you’ll be seeing Changbin too.

Hyunjin came to pick you up this time, coming earlier to pick out the perfect outfit for you to wear so that his ex would feel jealous when he sees you with him.

Hyunjin ended up choosing a pink satin dress with quite a deep neckline that essentially shows your cleavage. You were against wearing it at first but Hyunjin insists on you wearing it.

“Dude, you do realise I might get guys staring at me the whole night if I wore this right?” You asked, your tone was serious as he knows how you feel about being a centre of attraction. It gives you major anxiety. With that being said, Hyunjin gave in and chose a different dress that was also satin but with a decent neck line and a thin strap to rest on your shoulders.

It hugs your figure perfectly, with the hem stopping right on your mid thighs.

Hyunjin gave you the privacy to change as he waited for you in your living room. After you were done, you came back out with your purse and heels from your shoe closet.

Hyunjin almost choked on his own spit as he scanned you from head to toe.

“Woah! You are looking hot as hell!” He praised you, earning a roll of your eyes. You slapped his chest with your purse, telling him to get up so you can both leave.

The drive to his ex’s house took about 40 minutes, filling the drive with singing your favourite songs with Hyunjin and just laughing about random things. His friends were going to meet you two there, hence the reason why you were now leaning against Hyunjin’s car door with him towering over you.

He trapped you by resting both hands on top of his car roof on either side of your body.

“So, let me make myself clear. You can hold my hand, hold my waist, kiss my cheek, wherever you want up here…” You said as you pointed from your shoulder to your face before continuing your speech, “But, not my lips.”

Hyunjin pouted as he got a gentle slap from you to his chest, making him chuckle.

“Okay, but what if she wants proof of us dating and she asks us to kiss?” He asked, making you think through your potential actions.

“Fine, only if she asks. If not, don’t even think about tricking me into kissing you.” You warned as he scoffed, telling you that you were ‘no fun’. You rolled your eyes at him but the smile on your lips betrayed you.

Right when you wanted to look away from him, instead you saw a group of guys walking up to you and Hyunjin. Only to realize it was his friends.

Your eyes just naturally travelled over to the one walking near the curb.

Changbin wore a black skinny cargo pants, a black button down formal shirt tucked in, leaving the first few buttons undone. It definitely was low enough to expose a slight amount of his chest. He accessorized with his favourite silver necklace and a chain bracelet with a watch. He had a pair of black combat boots on to go with his outfit.

His hair was styled nicely to partially show his forehead and his undercut. You would be lying if you said he didn’t look good. But you decided to keep the comment to yourself as Chan smirked at you and Hyunjin.

“Damn, you’re not even inside and you guys already started the act?” Hyunjin wriggled his eyebrows as he pushed himself off his car only to snake one arm around your waist and pulled you against his side gently.

“By the way, you look really pretty Y/N.” Chan smiled at you genuinely, making you feel shy. But nonetheless thanked him for his compliment.

The rest of them agreed to their friend’s comment as well, saying that you look good with this dress.

The 9 of you soon walked to the house as Hyunjin slid his hands into yours swiftly when you were reaching the door. However, Changbin couldn’t help but feel jealous when he saw this. Yes he knows it was all an act. Yes he knows that it was only for a day. But why did he wish that was him instead of Hyunjin?

You arrived at the house, only for Hyunjin’s ex to open the door. Her smile immediately dropped when she looked down at your locked fingers with Hyunjin.

“Hey, you guys made it… And, with a friend…” She said through her clenched teeth.

“Oh my goodness, where’s my manners? This is Y/N, my girlfriend. Baby, this is my... friend, Yuna.” Hyunjin said as he slid his arm around your waist, making you smile at the girl and proceeded to shake her hand.

She was clearly uncomfortable but she just pressed on a smile as she welcomed the 9 of you in.

The birthday party was definitely leaning more towards a party which includes alcohol and random hooking ups with strangers. But since some of them drove, they made sure not to drink, including yourself because you don’t drink alcohol.

It has been almost an hour since you reached here and there were already a whole bunch of drunk university students everywhere in this house.

You were just seated on the couch next to Hyunjin and Minho with some of the guys. The only ones who were tipsy amongst the 9 of you were Jisung, Jeongin, Felix and Seungmin. You were just leaning your head against Hyunjin’s shoulder, feeling tired from having been surrounded by drunk students when you felt the need to get a refill of your non alcoholic drink.

You rested your hand on Hyunjin’s lap to gain his attention, who was busy talking to the other four guys, as all four pairs of eyes soon turned to you. “I’m gonna get a refill. I’ll be back.” You said as you got up after receiving a nod from him.

A few minutes later, you were just walking back to where the guys were sitting when a warm hand on your waist made you jump.

You turned around to see a guy whom you didn’t recognize, smiling down at you drunkenly.

“Wanna dance, baby girl?” He slurred over his words, making you excuse yourself. But when you turned to walk, he gripped your wrist so tightly that it made you drop your cup to the floor. You winced as he began tugging you towards the stairs.

But then a firm grip around your waist made you stop walking as someone ripped his hand away from yours only to throw a solid punch to his jaw.

“Fucking touch her again and I’ll break your nose.” Hyunjin growled as the guy began to stumble away. This has caught the eyes of those around you, making your anxiety grow. You didn’t realize this but you began to shake, something you always did when your anxiety was kicking in.

You were about to panic when the soft voice behind you managed to calm you down.

“Hey? Hey, calm down. Breathe. It’s okay.” Changbin whispered in your ear. It confused you on how he seemed to know that this was due to your anxiety but your mind couldn’t properly function right now.

So when Changbin called Hyunjin and told him you were shaking, the minute he passed you over to Hyunjin who immediately hugged you, that’s when it hit you.

This Changbin knows about your anxiety.

You allowed yourself to calm down in Hyunjin’s arms as he caressed your back soothingly and it worked.

A few minutes later, you finally stopped shaking as he pulled away from you only to cup your face gently. “Are you okay?” He asked, genuinely concerned for you. All you could do was smile at him and thank him, in which he told you it was fine and that he should’ve been more alert when leaving you alone in this kind of atmosphere.

You were just walking back to where his three friends were sitting, when a familiar voice called Hyunjin’s name behind you. The pair turned around as Yuna came to a stop behind Hyunjin.

She awkwardly glanced at you before focusing back at him.

“Hey, I need to talk to you… in private?” Yuna said.

“Why? We can just speak here.” Hyunjin said.

“I want to talk about something important… it’s about… us.” She paused. Hyunjin sighed as he stared at her with nothing but lingering pain in his eyes.

“There’s nothing else to talk about Yuna. You cheated on me when I told you I loved you. Was I not enough for you?”

“I’m sorry Hyunjin… I… I wasn’t thinking. Please… can we talk in private?” She said desperately, making you glance up to him who had an obvious frown on his face. You knew he wanted to talk to her to clear things between them. But you could also see that he was already tired of her bullshit and that he wanted nothing but to move on from her.

So you opted to give them space by holding his forearm gently and told him, “I think there’s some things you guys need to settle. Go. I’ll wait with the guys.”

You flashed him and Yuna a smile as you let go of his hand, turning around to walk towards where Minho, Changbin and Chan were sitting. The three of them were already looking at your direction, seeing the situation unravel in front of their eyes.

Hyunjin was at a cross road as he wasn’t sure if he should follow his heart or mind.

After what felt like forever, he decided to follow his heart and that was to completely end ties with Yuna. With that being said, he turned back to her only to speak up.

“I’m sorry Yuna. But all of that was in the past. I’ve already moved on and you should too.” Hyunjin said as he then turned on his heels and left.

He re-joined you and the guys, where you were sitting on the arm rest beside Minho since the other end of the couch was already occupied by drunk couples. Hyunjin was just standing beside you when Yuna placed her hand on his shoulder and roughly turned him around.

“That’s it? It was just that one time. You can’t tell me you’ve moved on that fast.” She scoffed as he raised his eyebrows at her in disbelief.

“With what you did to me, it only makes sense for me to move on this fast. Besides, I’m already dating someone now. You’re too late.” Hyunjin taunts but it seems like Yuna had a different plan as she scoffed at you.

“As if. I’ve noticed you two acting quite distant when I’m not near you. Just tell me you guys are friends and leave. I don’t need fakers at my party.” Yuna said, her tone visibly angered.

Hyunjin smirks, knowing that she was just trying to bite his tail.

“What do I need to do then to prove to you that I’ve really moved on from you?”

“Kiss her. If you’re really dating her and you guys aren’t just friends, then kiss her.”

There it is.

That was probably the last thing you’d wanna hear tonight. Especially not in front of Changbin. With that being said, Hyunjin smirks as he accepted the challenge easily. Since you both agreed on this before you entered the house just now, you knew you couldn’t really say no to it.

“Oh, sure thing sweetheart.” Hyunjin said as he turned to you and immediately leaned down to kiss you on the lips, hands reaching up to cup your face.

You swiftly moved your lips against his to make it seem legit. You could feel Hyunjin’s lips curving into a smile against your lips as you heard Yuna scoff and soon stormed off. Hyunjin pulled back the minute she left, only to apologize to you.

“I’m really sorry noona…”

“It’s okay.” You smiled as Minho and Chan began to tease you two for executing the perfect kiss, saying that it looks too legit. They even mentioned saying you two looked like a nice couple.

In which you responded with a fake gag, earning a soft punch to your arm by Hyunjin himself. You giggled but you completely missed the way Changbin’s eyes were burning with jealousy from seeing you kiss Hyunjin.

He knows this was just an act but why was he so pressed by the simple kiss?

A few days later, you were in class when Hyunjin told you he was meeting his friends this weekend and asked if you wanted to join them. You weren’t sure if you wanted to but you decided to go along with it. He said they planned to watch a movie and maybe go to the pier. You nodded, agreeing to tag along since he offered you to come.

Weekend finally came and you had just left your apartment. You wore your denim skinny ripped jeans, a white cropped fitted tank top and a black oversized jacket.

Hyunjin told you he was going to pick you up so you met him at the roadside in front of your apartment building.

You both made it to the mall to queue for the movie tickets. Chan was queueing with Hyunjin so you were left with the others. You were just scrolling through your Instagram when someone fed you popcorn. You looked up to see Changbin holding two popped kernels in front of your lips. You unconsciously blushed as you opened your mouth to let him feed you.

Changbin chuckled after feeding you, only to pop some in his own mouth. You stood in between Changbin and Jeongin against the wall while Seungmin, Jisung, Felix and Minho were standing in front of you three.

They were just talking amongst themselves when you glanced over to the full bucket filled with caramel popcorn that Changbin was hugging.

He saw you looking so he took some out and held it up to your mouth.

“Ahh, it’s okay, I can take myself.” You said softly, gently pushing his hand away but instead, he said something that made your stomach churn in a good way.

“Don’t worry, I like feeding people.”

You stared at him for a second as he teasingly tapped the popcorns on your lips, making you giggle. Changbin fed you a few times, even after you’ve entered the cinema theatre. After the movie ended, all of you made your way to the pier.

Once there, you were walking past the game booths which had some very cute prizes. Just then, your eyes caught a glimpse of your favourite cartoon character as a prize for one of the booths.

It was Stitch.

You gasped as you eagerly reached out for whoever’s arm that was nearest to you, only to grab both Changbin’s and Seungmin’s forearms on either side of you before pointing to the booth with the Stitch soft toy.

“Guys look! It’s stitch! It’s so cute! Omg!” You giggled, hearing both of them chuckle as you jogged over to the booth. It was a game of shooting which you clearly weren’t good at. Just as you were pondering over the game, a familiar voice spoke up from behind you causing you to turn.

“One round please.” Changbin said as he handed the man his bill before the man gave him a loaded nerf gun.

“What are you doing?” You asked as Changbin simply smiled at you.

“Playing the game?”

“Of course I know that… but why?”

“For fun…” He smiled as he began to aim for the targets. He was getting the shots perfect so far. Barely missing any target. After a stressful close round, you watched as he won a prize. You didn’t know why but you thought he was going to choose something that was for himself.

But instead, the next thing you see was the man reaching up to grab the exact one that you’ve been eyeing all these while.

Changbin smiled as he thanked the man for the prize. But when he turned away from the man, you expected him to walk back to his friends. You didn’t expect him to give you the Stitch soft toy and then proceed to say innocently, “Take it.”

You raised your eyebrows at him softly, clearly taken aback by his offer.

“W-What?”

“It’s for you… You looked like you wanted it so bad.” Changbin chuckled as he gently took your hands and wrapped it around the toy to make you hug it.

“Changbin… thank you…” You whispered as he could only smile, guiding you back to where the guys were. The minute you came back to where some of them were, you excitedly showed off your prize.

“Jin ah! Look!” You exclaimed as Hyunjin gasped at the size of the soft toy.

“Woah! Where did you get this?”

“From that shooting booth! Isn’t he cute!”

“You won the shooting game?!” Hyunjin asked in shock, making you blush as you turned to Changbin. He had a soft smile on his face before he spoke up for you.

“I did. So I gave the prize to her.”

The guys began to tease as Changbin rolled his eyes thickly at them.

“Oh? Was that a gift to her?” Minho smirked.

“Never thought I’d see the day Seo Changbin goes out of his way to win a prize for a girl…” Jisung teased. Changbin simply brushed all their comments off as you all continued walking. You have been hugging the soft toy for the past hour wherever you went, earning soft laughs from the guys. Just then, Hyunjin wanted to take pictures at the pier.

Felix was helping to take Hyunjin’s pictures while Chan was helping to take Minho, Jisung, Seungmin and Jeongin’s picture.

You were just burying your face in the soft toy when Changbin’s voice softly spoke up from beside you, “Do you like it that much?” With that, you turned to him and a bright smile decorated your face, warming his heart even more.

“I’ve loved it since I was young! He’s so cute! Don’t you remember? I used to bring my small stuffed-” You were rambling excited until you stopped yourself when you realized what you were doing. “Oh! Sorry! Sorry… I got a little carried away there…” You apologized as you avoided his gaze but you missed the little smile growing on his face.

But what he said next made your heart stop for a split second, almost not believing your ears.

“I remember…” He whispered so softly, you could’ve missed it if you weren’t properly listening. You whipped your head around as you stared at him in shock.

“You… do?” Your voice was quiet as his eyes held the galaxy.

But your little moment gets cut when Felix calls you over to take a picture with Hyunjin who deliberately drags you away from Changbin. He could only smile as he nods at Hyunjin’s figure behind you, signalling you to just go follow him.

You frowned as you stood beside Hyunjin and proceeded to take a few memorable pictures with him. After everyone was almost done taking pictures, you didn’t want the memory to go to waste so you turned to Hyunjin and quietly asked when the rest of the guys were already walking away.

“Jinie, can you take one picture of me with Changbin?”

“Why?”

“Just for memories…” You smiled and you definitely saw the confused look on his face but nonetheless, he smiled and called the boy over. When Changbin was standing in front of you, Hyunjin told him what you wanted. Changbin looks at you and a smile creeps onto his face before he agrees to it.

You soon reached down to slide your hand in his and brought him to the edge of the pier. You stood beside him with the huge soft toy in your arms. Right when Hyunjin was just trying to find the right angle, you felt Changbin snake his arm around your waist and pulled you closer into his side.

Your heart was palpitating against your chest as he turned to you and whispered softly in your ear, “I’m sorry for being distant back then. I hope you can forgive me and we can start fresh? Properly this time?”

You turned to him, only to find his face just inches away from you. At this moment, neither of you dared to move an inch.

Just then, you heard Hyunjin’s voice counting down from 3.

You turned to Hyunjin and back to Changbin, wanting to ask what pose you two should do. But the moment you turned to Changbin, he gave you no warning whatsoever as he simply pressed his lips against yours sweetly. You closed your eyes in bliss, enjoying the feeling when you heard the click of the camera followed by Hyunjin screaming excitedly.

Changbin was the one to pull away as his lips lingered over your for a second. You struggled to look at him, feeling your cheeks burn from embarrassment. “Was that okay?” He whispered, making you nod.

“Hey! Since when are you two a thing?! And secretly behind my back too?! Pfft…” Hyunjin scoffed but his cheeky smirk didn’t go unnoticed.

“Yeah… about that, we still have a lot to clear between us…” Changbin said as he rubbed the back of his neck nervously but you helped him clear the air before Hyunjin got more confused with the situation.

“Let’s just say we have an unfinished history between us and we’re going to settle it once and for all, okay?” With that, Hyunjin nods as he wished you and Changbin good luck. The 3 of you rejoined the group, only for them to ask where you three were. Hyunjin simply said taking pictures, completely hiding the fact that he just witnessed his best friend kiss his close friend.

On the way to all your vehicles, Hyunjin asks if you wanted to ride home with Changbin instead and that he could send Jisung home. You turned to Changbin who overheard your conversation with Hyunjin.

You saw him smile as he shrugged his shoulders, so you turned to Hyunjin and felt your lips curving upwards into a soft expression, “I’d love that.”

With that, Changbin told Jisung the plan and the younger could only nod happily despite not knowing the true intentions of the car swap. After all of you had said your goodbyes, you followed Changbin to his car and he soon drove off after you told him your address.

The car ride was filled with jokes and laughter, purposely avoiding the main talks first until you got to your apartment.

You let him in, telling him to take a seat while you went to make him a drink. After you came back with his iced chocolate, you sat down with him on the couch. He took a few sips of it before he finally spoke up.

“Is it okay if we start over? I know I wasn’t the warmest when I was young… I barely socialize with you and your brother… I guess I was just too shy and a little antisocial back then.”

You smiled as you reached up to cup his face gently in your hand. “It’s okay Binie. I didn’t understand why back then but now I know.” You whispered, feeling him lean into your touch.

You didn’t know who leaned in first but the next thing you knew, you were kissing him.

On the lips.

Changbin wraps his arms around your waist as he pulls you onto his lap. Your heart was racing rapidly in your chest. He kisses you passionately, rubbing soft circles into your skin. Just then, your breath hitched in your throat when his lips left yours only to make his way down your neck.

“Changbin…” You whispered breathily, making him smirk against your skin.

You swiftly took off his shirt, pulling it over his head before doing the same for you. Changbin took a second to admire your body, seeing this much skin on you for the first time.

“Wow…” His voice soft, feeling yourself get shy all of a sudden. He chuckled as he kissed your lips to distract you.

He took his time with you, making sure he wasn’t hurting you in any way. He brought you to your room after a good amount of time on the couch. He had been so respectful of you that he would always ask for your permission to touch you anywhere. He left you wanting more.

He made sure to clean you after spending your time together before pulling you against him to cuddle. You couldn’t help but prop yourself on your elbow as you rested one hand on his bare chest, softly caressing it before sliding your hand up to cup his face.

“I’m so happy I found you again.” You whispered as he giggled. His eyes crinkled into two crescent moons that disappeared as soon as he smiled.

“I could say the same for you too.” Changbin said as he kissed you sweetly. Both of you fell into a deep slumber a few minutes later, waking up the next day feeling so warm and full in your hearts. You were happy that you met him again after all these years. Who knew you would end up with the boy whom you used to live next door to.

~~~

#stray kids scenarios #stray kids imagines #skz x reader #seo changbin fluff #stray kids changbin #skz changbin fluff #skz scenarios #skz changbin scenarios #skz seo changbin #stray kids x reader

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hercleverboy · 3 years

Text

taunted

spencer reid x reader

summary ↠ hours after his release from prison, spencer’s girlfriend is kidnapped. can he pull it together long enough to save her?

category ↠ angst/fluff

warnings/includes ↠ swearing, reference to sexual assault, blood, kidnapping

word count ↠ 5.7k

“People go, but how they left always stays.” — Rupi Kaur

Spencer felt overwhelmed to say the least.

In the last 24 hours, he’d undergone more stress than any human should ever have to endure. Between his release from prison and racing against the clock to save his mother, he was grateful to finally able to take a moment to stop and breathe.

In between the chaos, he hadn’t been able to see one of the people he’d missed the most during his imprisonment; his beloved fiancee, Y/N.

He knew that the team had contacted her to inform her of his release, but there’d been no time for heartfelt reunions when he was released, the safety of his mother being the only thing on his mind. As much as he’d missed his girl, it would have to wait.

As he stood walked through the lobby of his apartment complex, he couldn’t help the small smile on his lips at the anticipation of seeing her. She’d been to visit frequently while he was incarcerated, giving him just that little push to fight, to fight like hell, to come home to her. And now he was there.

As he walked up the flights of stairs, he remembered all the times he’d wished he could reach out to grab her hand when she was sat across from him, with the glass separating them and preventing him from touching her. He remembered the sleepless nights in his cell, on a bed that was cold and hard with a single uncomfortable pillow. He recalled how badly he yearned for her on those nights, craved the warmth of her arms, their bed. He was so eager to finally hold her in his arms, remind her how much he loved her, thank her for sticking with him, for being his lifeline during the hardest months of his life.

Any excitement that he held was diminished as soon as he climbed the final few steps to their floor, his eyes landing on their apartment door.

Their open apartment door.

Spencer’s eyes blew wide, part of him trying to calm himself down, she just forgot to close it behind her, and the other part knowing Y/N was too cautious to make such a silly mistake.

He wasn’t armed, after all he wasn’t planning on having to deal with shit like this for at least a few weeks following his release.

He cautiously made his way into the apartment and was immediately greeted with the obvious signs of a struggle in his living room. The coffee table’s contents had been scattered across the floor, the little table they normally placed cups of tea or snacks on had toppled over. The pretty white vase that Y/N’s mother had bought the couple a few years back was shattered on the floor, the yellow daffodils that had been inside the vase laying there limply. By the fireplace was a small pool of blood, and it didn’t take a genius to figure out who it belonged to.

Seeing the blood sent Spencer into a panic, his breathing increasing as he anxiously called out for her, opening up the doors to their bedroom and the bathroom, finding all the rooms empty.

He ran a hand through his hair and down his face as he tried to steady his breathing, so that he could think.

“She’s not here, She’s not here, She’s not-” Three whispered words were all that left his lips, a broken mantra filled with worry and despair.

“Okay, let’s start from the beginning, how did the unsub even gain entry to the apartment?” Rossi asked, grimacing at the state of the room around them.

After coming to the realisation that his fiancee was missing and had indeed been taken, Spencer had called Emily, who’d assembled the team together to help the distraught genius. Emily sent Garcia, Luke and Matt to the BAU headquarters to work from there, while the rest of the team met up with Spencer at his apartment.

Once they’d arrived, they found Spencer outside, anxiously pacing the hallway outside the door as he mumbled to himself, desperately trying to fight off the raging headache he had. JJ was quick to attempt to console him, but to no avail. His brain was essentially mush. As if the stress of everything he’d been through wasn’t enough- the love of his life was missing, potentially dead, and he couldn’t even string together a coherent sentence. How was he supposed to help?

Emily had nodded to the rest of the team, silently telling them to head inside the apartment to check things out while she came to stand in front of Spencer.

“Reid? Reid. I know this is a lot but I need you to listen to me. You can’t be here. You’re not in the right headspace for this. You’re better off back at the BAU with Garcia, Luke and Matt.” Emily tried. She didn’t want to upset him further but it was the best thing for him. There was no chance of him thinking clearly at the scene, so sending him back to HQ was the best option.

Spencer knew that. However it didn’t stop him from looking at Emily with anger flaring in his eyes. “You��re not seriously kicking me off the case? My fiancee is missing-” His voice raised but Emily cut him off.

“I’m not kicking you off the case. Y/N is a part of this family and we won’t rest until she’s home, but you’re not gonna be able to think here, Spencer. I’m just trying to do what’s best for you.” She promised and he nodded, forcing him self not to grunt in pain as his splitting headache worsened.

As he stepped off of the elevator, his legs carried him quickly through the glass doors into the bullpen. He b-lined for the conference room, where Garcia, Luke Matt were sat at the roundtable. Garcia was typing away furiously at her laptop, Matt looking over her shoulder whilst Luke reviewed pictures from the crime scene. When Spencer entered the room Garcia looked up, her fingers faltering.

“Reid..” Garcia started, but quickly realised she didn’t know what to say.

Spencer said nothing, stalking toward her and leaning his hands on the table. “Emily told me you’re looking at security footage from outside our apartment complex? Did you see anything?”

Garcia exchanged a look of sadness with Matt before clearing her throat. “Uh, the cameras outside the lobby caught the kidnappers vehicle as it left, a blue Sedan, but it’s too dark for us to make out the plates.”

“Did the camera’s catch her being taken?” His voice was quiet but sturdy. The coldness of his tone almost made Garcia shiver.

“Yes.” She squeaked out.

“Show me.” He demanded, walking to her other side so he could lean over her shoulder to watch.

Matt shifted, standing up straight. “I’m not so sure that’s a good idea, Reid.”

“Did I ask?” He spat, not bothering to spare Matt a glance as he looked at Garcia’s laptop screen. “ I said show me.”

“O-Okay.” She murmured, clicking a few buttons before the video started up.

The four of them watched intently as a man in a dark hoodie carried an unconscious Y/N out the front doors of the complex. Spencer noted the splotch of red on her forehead, likely from where the bastard had hit her to knock her out. The man forcefully shoved her in the back of the car that waited by the front of the building, before moving to get into the drivers seat and taking off.

Spencer was gripping the edge of the roundtable with such force that his knuckles were white, and it seemed a miracle that the wood hadn’t splintered under his force.

Luke spoke first. “Did we get a good enough look at his face?”

Garcia shook her head. “Not really. His back was to the camera’s a lot.”

Matt sighed. “It means he knew where they were, and how to avoid them. This kidnapping was planned, likely weeks in advance.”

Spencer slammed his hands down on the table, and Garcia let out a yelp at the sudden movement. “So we have nothing then?” He yelled, starting to pace the end of the conference room, his hands gripping handful’s of his hair.

“I’ll call Emily and see if they found anything at the scene.” Matt mumbled, quickly leaving the room.

Spencer rubbed as his eyes frustratedly, before turning toward Luke and Garcia. “You guys need to get out.”

“What?”

“Get out, you need to get out. I’m sorry but I need to think, I need to focus and I can’t do that with you here.” He ushered the two out of the conference room, slamming the door shut behind them as he looked around frantically. He grabbed the photos that were on the table that Luke was previously looking at. He stared at them, willing his brain to work, hoping he’d figure out what he was missing. He quickly grew frustrated with his lack of progress, picking up one of the books from the table and throwing it at the wall in his angry haste.

Garcia gasped, a loud bang sounding from the conference room where Reid was working tirelessly to find Y/N. She shared a look with Luke, who shrugged. The pair quickly moved toward the room, gently opening the door, to find Spencer pacing the room anxiously, running his hands through his hair as he tried to control his breathing.

Spencer didn’t know what to do. He’d exhausted the few leads they had, he was mentally and physically exhausted and he wasn’t sure when the last time he ate was. All he knew, all he could think about, was that his girl was out there somewhere, waiting for him to save her. And he wasn’t even close to finding her.

“Reid, I know a lot is going on but you’ve got to try and clear your head-“ Luke started but Spencer interrupted him, his tone cold and unforgiving.

“My fiancée is missing, and I can’t get it together long enough to figure out where she is!” He yelled, and Garcia flinched at his words. He saw the looks on their faces and frowned. “What?”

“You threw a book at the wall..” Garcia mumbled, still cautious of her words.

“If Y/N dies because I was too slow I’ll be throwing a lot more than books.” He seethed, before brushing past the stunned pair.

The cold water felt refreshing on his boiling skin as he splashed it against his face in an attempt to calm himself down a little. He gripped the sink tightly in his hands and forced himself to look in the mirror. He wasn’t shocked by what he saw staring back at him. A shell of the man he was before prison. Cold and harsh and unkind, a man who would kill another and still sleep easy. His breaths were heavy and he felt the familiar feeling crawling up his throat, the feeling that he wanted to cry, to sob and plead for everything to just end. Hadn’t he been through enough?

He choked the feeling down. Crying and pleading weren’t going to bring Y/N back home to him.

He could feel the panic bubbling within him, and so he forced himself to think of happier times, times where the weight of the world wasn’t on his aching shoulders. He screwed his eyes shut, willing himself to go somewhere better, somewhere happier, even if just for a minute.

“Spence?”

It was her voice. Oh thank god.

He blinked his eyes open, his gaze landing on her sat next to him. He immediately knew which memory he was recalling. It was one of the happiest days of his life.

He’d taken her out that night for dinner and then up a mountain of sorts so they could get to a high enough point where they’d have a perfect view of the stars. He’d explained the constellations to her as she sat next to him, cross-legged with her head resting on his shoulder and his arms around her.

He looked at her as she stared up at the night sky in awe. He took in every detail of her face, letting it really sink in that she was his, a woman so kind and compassionate and beautiful was all his. She raised her hand to point up toward the sky, an amused smile on her lips.

“What about that one, what’s it called?”

He was more than happy to tell her.

As they sat in a blissful silence, Spencer noted how this was the happiest he’d felt in a long time. With her, he was sure there could never be a bad day again.

He broke the silence by clearing his throat, unwrapping his arm from her as she turned to face him, her brow furrowed.

“Spence? You okay?”

“Yeah- I- Um, I didn’t just bring you out here to watch the stars.” He started, his palms quickly becoming sweaty and his voice dying in his rapidly drying throat. He kept trying to speak, to say the words he’d practiced a thousand times over in his head, but he simply couldn’t form the words.

She reached out to grab his hand, taking in gently in hers as an act of reassurance. “It’s okay, It’s only me. Take your time.”

He squeezed her hand in thanks before taking a deep breath and moving up from his seated position, manoeuvering so he was now down on one knee in front of her. He kept the grip on her hand, his other hand reaching into his pocket for the small red box that he’d carried with him for months prior to this moment.

Y/N gasped when he opened up the box, showcasing the beautiful silver ring sat inside. Her eyes grew wide and filled with tears.

“Y/N.” He started. “Over the two years, two-hundred-and-seventeen days, six hours and fifteen minutes we’ve been together, there’s not been one moment where I’ve not loved you. Even through petty arguments and silly fights, I have never and will never stop loving you. I don’t think I could if I tried. You’re always there for me when I need you. When a case has been rough, you’re at home waiting to hold me and make everything better. You’ve never failed me, and if you accept this ring, I promise I’ll never fail you. You’re my whole life, Y/N. There is nothing I wouldn’t do if it ensured your safety, if it meant coming home to you. You’re everything I’m ever going to want, you’re everything I need. So Y/N Y/L/N, would you do me the extraordinary honour of marrying me?”

Words failed her in that moment so all she could do was nod her head as tears cascaded down her cheeks. She launched herself forward, wrapping her arms around him as she cried happily into his neck, and he chuckled to himself, arms wrapping around her securely.

She pulled back a moment later, swiping her fingers under her eyes to wipe her tears away as she flashed him a breath-taking smile. “Yes.” She answered quietly, watching as he carefully slipped the ring on her finger. she gazed down at it in awe. “It’s beautiful, Spence.” She grinned back up at him, her hands coming to cup his cheeks.

“You’re beautiful.” He murmured, before moving forward to connect his lips to hers.

He wished he could cling onto the warmth that bubbled in his chest forever.

A voice came from behind him, causing his eyes to snap open. He looked behind him, to where Luke stood by the door.

“Reid, You gotta come. Garcia found something.”

“What have you got Garcia?” Luke called as soon as he entered the conference room, Reid rushing in behind him.

“I managed to get the footage from the cameras that are outside the shop opposite the apartment complex.” She started, and Reid came to stand next to her, watching the footage play on her laptop. “If I zoom in close enough I should be able to get an ID on our unsub. We can see his face, but it’s still a tad blurry. Not to worry, I’ll work some magic and get it as clear as I can. Hopefully then we can run it through facial recognition and pray it turns up something.” She sounded hopeful, and Reid was grateful for her optimism.

It wasn’t much, but it was a lead. And honestly that was all he could ask for at that moment.

Garcia skilfully managed to unblur the video they had of the unsub, but facial recognition didn’t turn up any matches or any new leads. The team were at a loss. It had been seventy-two hours since Y/N went missing, and with every hour, the possibility of her coming home alive decreased. Spencer knew the statistics, he knew the chances. it was the curse of an eidetic memory, he supposed.

With every hour, Reid lost more and more of himself, any hope he had being chipped away with the annoying tick of the clock as seconds passed by. He had barely slept, even when being ‘ordered’ to by Emily. The only time he’d slept was when he got so drained and exhausted that he actually passed out for a few hours. He refused to eat, drinking as much caffeine as he could in order to force himself to stay awake. How could he sleep at a time like this? Whenever someone on the team tried to encourage him to eat, if only a few bites of a cereal bar, he’d snap at them.

Eventually, JJ had had enough. She watched Spencer snap at Luke, who was just trying to encourage him to put something other than coffee in his system. She stood up from her seat, grabbing his wrist and pulling him with her. He attempted to protest but she gave him a look that made him decide that it was best he keep his mouth shut. She pulled them into an empty office, closing the door behind them for privacy.

“You gotta listen to me, Spence.” She spoke calmly. “I know this is killing you. I know how badly you want to find her and bring her home. Everyone out there is trying so hard to do that for you.” She pointed to the doorway to emphasise her point. She dropped her arm back down to her side as she watched him run his hands over his face exhaustedly. “Talk to me.”

“I just I can’t think straight-” He whimpered out, rubbing his eyes with his hands. “I need her to come home, I can’t live without her.” He got a little choked up, his hands trembling slightly as he desperately tried to keep his emotions in check.

JJ gently placed her hand on his shoulder, still cautious of touching him since his release from prison, not wanting to alarm or startle him.

“There’s not a doubt in my mind that we’ll find her. Y/N is tough, she won’t let him break her.”

Spencer nodded, wiping his eyes on the cuffs of his blazer. He was about to thank JJ for her comfort when a knock sounded through the room. Tara came in, a morbid look on her face. “You guys need to come see this.”

When they reach the conference room again, all of the team is gathered around the table, their gazes all trained on the phone in the middle of the table that was ringing.

Emily looked to Garcia. “Are you ready to trace the call?”

Garcia nodded. Spencer was about to ask what was happening when Emily reached over, answering the phone and putting it on loud speaker. “This is Agent Emily Prentiss with the FBI, who am I speaking to?”

“I want to speak with Dr Reid.” The unsub’s voice boomed through the speaker, and Emily exchanged a look with Spencer as she shook her head, placing a finger over her lips.

“We want proof of life before we negotiate anything with you.” She stated.

“She’s listening, perfectly alive. I want to speak to Dr Reid.”

Emily nodded toward Spencer, signalling for him to speak.

“I’m here.” He spoke, keeping his voice strong despite how he wanted to cry. It was a skill he’d learned in prison- tears equated to weakness, and weakness got you killed.

“I’d like you to know, I’m feeling generous today.” The unsub sounded like he was smirking on the other end of the line, almost proud.

“You are? What does that mean?” Spencer continued the conversation on, keeping the unsub on the line long enough for Garcia to get a location.

“I’ve spent a fair bit of time with Y/N. She’s fierce. Hard one to break, this one.” He was mocking Spencer, taunting him, and he had to try ridiculously hard to keep his building anger in check. “She begs for you, you know? When my punches make pretty bruises bloom across her skin she pleads for you to save her. But she’s tough, always hitting me back with insults. You know earlier, she actually spat at me, the bitch.” He chuckled, and Spencer breathed in deeply, gripping the edges of the table in a death-grip.

Rossi shot him a look from across the table that said ‘Keep it together’.

“No worry, I’m sure I can break her. If you give me some more time with her, maybe I can try some.. alternative methods.”

That was the line for Spencer, who spat through clenched his teeth and stood to hover over the phone. “You listen to me, you son of a bitch, if you touch her I swear to god-“

“I’d be careful about threatening me, or I might not be so generous.” The unsub tutted.

“What do you want? Tell me what you want in return for Y/N’s safety.”

“This isn’t a bargain, Doctor. This is a kindness. I’m going to let pretty young Y/N speak with you before I kill her. I’m not so much of a monster that I would stand in the way of young love. You have five minutes to talk. You’re welcome.”

There was more rustling on the phone, and then silence.

And then finally-

“Spence?”

Her voice was croaky, likely from the lack of water and her screaming. It sounded so broken, and Spencer’s heart ached because he could tell she was using all of her strength to try and sound okay for him.

Spencer sighed out of relief. despite how it sounded, proof that she was alive was enough to lift the slightest bit of weight from his shoulders. “It’s me, sweetheart. Are you okay?”

“I think some of my ribs are broken, my wrist definitely is. I’m trying to be strong Spence but I don’t know if I can-“ She choked and tears filled his eyes as he willed them to keep at bay.

“Y/N, listen to me. I will find you. Do you understand me? You will not die there. You’re gonna come home to me, I promise you that.” The tears he tried to hide away slowly trembled down his cheeks as he made promises that he wasn’t 100% sure he could keep.

“Spencer. I’m so sorry-“ She started but he interrupted her.

“Please don’t apologise, It’s not your fault, baby.” He pleaded, the feeling of dread filling him the longer they spoke.

Around the table, each team stood watching in shock, tears swimming in their own eyes.

“Two minutes.” The unsub shouted through the phone.

“I need to tell you something.” Y/N whimpered.

Spencer shook his head although she couldn’t see it. “No, I know where you’re going with this, stop it.”

She ignored his plead. “Spencer Reid, I’ve loved you ever since we met, when you spilled your coffee all over me. I remember it like it was yesterday. Your coffee ruined my outfit, and you were an apologising mess, so you gave me your jacket, even though it meant you’d get cold. I’ve loved you ever since that moment, Spencer.” Her voice broke at the end and she cleared her throat, determined to finish what she wanted to say. “You have to promise me you will move on, Spencer. You’ve got to let yourself be happy. You deserve it, so much.”

Spencer whined, his own voice croaky. “Don’t. Don’t you dare say goodbye to me, Y/N.”

The booming voice of the unsub came through the speaker again. “Times up.”

“Spencer I love yo-” The end of her sentence was cut off by the unsub ending the call, the dial tone ringing out when the line went dead.

Spencer’s hands were shaking in anger as he closed his eyes, bowing his head, hopelessly trying to keep himself calm.

Emily was the first to speak. “Did you get it, Garcia?”

Garcia continued to click away from a few moments before gasping. “Yes! Yes! I got it!”

The exclamation made Spencer’s head shoot up.

“Send us the address.” Emily ordered, as the team headed out toward the cars, with no time left to waste.

The team pulled up to the location Garcia had given them, splitting off into two groups to cover the front and back entrances.

Spencer, JJ, Luke, and Emily were all cautiously walking down one of the warehouse’s winding corridors, before turning the corner, guns in hand. They’d entered a large room, and Spencer’s eyes immediately landed on the limp figure hunched over in a chair in the centre of the room.

Whilst the other members made sure there were no other possible threats in the room, Spencer rushed forward, the only thing he could think of was getting to her.

Oh god please be alive, please.

As he got closer, he took note of the wounds she has sustained. There was blood pooling from a wound on her thigh, and a few other cuts and bruises.

Why was she so still?

As soon as he reached her his hands cupped her cheeks, her head lolled towards him, as she struggled to hold it up. He pressed two of his fingers to her neck and had never been so thankful to feel a shallow pulse beneath her skin.

“Y/N? Y/N, wake up, come on sweetheart.” He pleaded, swiping his thumbs over her cheeks.

She blinked her eyes open, groaning in pain as she came to. She hissed at the pain in her thigh, her eyes focusing on the man in front of her. “Spencer?”

“It’s me, I’m here. We’re gonna get you out of here alright, just stay with me.”

“He left a few minutes before you got here-“ She coughed mid-sentence, nodding her head weakly toward the back entrance of the room. “He went that way.”

Luke and Emily moved towards the back entrance in pursuit of the unsub, while JJ stayed back to untie Y/N’s wrists from behind her whilst speaking into her radio requesting medical attention.

Y/N groaned again as she felt Spencer’s hands on her thigh, desperately trying it slow the bleeding. She blinked, despairingly trying to stay awake. Spencer could see her fighting and scrambled to find something to distract her with. “Hey, hey. you remember when we met? Like you said on the phone? That I completely ruined your blouse with my coffee because I’m an idiot.” He gave her a small forced smile that he hoped would reassure her as she wailed out again in pain.

He looked at JJ, who looked back at him with tears in her own eyes. “I don’t think we can wait much longer for the medics, we’re gonna have to bring her to them.”

“Are you sure we should move her?” JJ asked.

Spencer simply nodded. “She might die if we don’t move her now, she’s losing too much blood.” He pulled his belt from his waist, tying it tightly just above Y/N’s leg wound. She let out a shrill cry of pain, sobs escaping her lips.

“I’m sorry sweetheart, I know it hurts. We’re gonna get you up and outside okay.” He cooed as he hoisted her up bridal style, holding her as gently as he could so as not to agitate her wound. With JJ beside them, he began to walk back towards the entrance. “It’ll be okay. I promise. You’ll be okay.” He pressed a kiss to Y/N’s forehead as a promise.

Her head dropped against his shoulder and he looked down at her, his tone pleading as he spoke. “I know you’re tired baby but you gotta keep those beautiful eyes open for me, okay?” They were just stepping through the front door when she spoke.

“Spence..” She whispered, her eyes fluttering as she defeatedly attempted to stop the darkness from consuming her.

“Yeah?”

She didn’t answer.

Everything was a blur after that.

The hospital waiting room was one of Spencer’s least favourite places, he’d decided.

The strong smell of disinfectant along with the bright lights and white walls irritated his eyes, making his headaches even worse. He didn’t dare try to sleep though, not until he knew if she was okay. His head was in his hands and his leg bounced anxiously as he sat in the waiting room, his team surrounding him, all aching for any news.

Finally, after what felt like hours had dragged on, a nurse entered the room calling for Y/N’s family.

Spencer stood so quickly he nearly toppled over. He moved toward the nurse nodding his head frantically. “I’m her fiancee, is she okay?”

The nurse gave him a smile and nodded. “She’s absolutely fine, sir. The wound on her thigh bled quite heavily, but we were able to stabilise her. She has a few bruised ribs and a broken wrist, but she will make a full recovery. She’s awake if you’d like to see her?”

He nodded again, sparing a thankful glance at his team before following the nurse down the hallway.

He’d never felt such a sweet relief as he did when he saw her sat up in her hospital bed, a small smile on her lips as she drank from her water cup. Her smile brightened at the sight of him and she gave him a little wave, setting her cup down on the tiny side table.

“Thank god you’re okay.” He murmured once he reached her bedside, leaning down to engulf her in a light hug, so as not to cause her any pain.

She grinned, reaching her good hand up to hold him to her.

When he pulled back he placed a gentle kiss on her lips, one that just further assured him that she was okay. Once they pulled away, he moved his hands to cup her cheeks.

“Hi.” He grinned, the tears pricking at his eyes.

“Hi.” She gave a light chuckle, immediately regretting it when a sharp pain seared through her chest, making her wince.

He pressed his forehead to hers in a sweet gesture, closing his eyes as he basked in her warmth. He tuned his ears into the rhythm of her soft breathing, focusing on them and trying to keep his in time with hers.

She gently brushed her hand up and down his forearm in a comforting manner. “It’s okay, Spence. I’m okay.”

“I nearly lost you.” His throat caught on the words, and she noticed the stray tears that quivered down his cheeks.

She smiled sadly as he opened his eyes, hazel orbs meeting hers. “But you didn’t. I’m here. I’m alive, you’re alive, and it’s all gonna be just fine.”

He nodded before pulling away from her. he reached for the chair that was up against the wall of the room, pulling it so he could sit at her bedside. “I’m so sorry I let this happen to you.” He frowned, placing his hands in his lap. “I should’ve protected you. It’s my job to protect you. How can even think I’ll be a good husband, even a good father someday if I can’t keep you safe?”

She reached over and gripped his hand tightly. “You will be a phenomenal husband Spencer Reid, and an even better father. In less than five months I’ll be your wife, and I’ll be the happiest woman alive.” She ran her thumb over the back of his hand in a soothing manner and he smiled a little at her compliment. “And when we have a baby, they’ll be the luckiest kid on earth to have you as their father.”

“Yes ma’am.” He teased and she smiled, happy she’d been able to quash his worries, for the moment at least.

His fingers hovered over the engagement ring on her finger, bringing her hand to his lips to place a kiss on it. “Why wait?” He murmured.

“What?”

“Why should we wait five months? The nurse said they’re gonna discharge you on Thursday morning. So as soon as you’re up to it why don’t we go down to the courthouse and elope?” He queried, a smile on his lips.

“Spence.. the weddings all planned. Five months isn’t a long time.” She countered, a small smile on her lips.

“It is, it’s too long. I don’t want to waste another minute of my life not being married to you. I want you to be Mrs Reid and I want us to start living our lives together. We can still have the wedding, we’ll just get married twice.” He shrugged, and Y/N couldn’t believe she was really considering the idea.

“Spence, I don’t know..” She trailed off, still needing a little convincing to get on board.

He released her hand and stood from the chair, moving it over slightly before lowering himself down onto one knee, taking her hand again. “Y/N Y/L/N, will you marry me-“

“You know you’ve already asked me this? Like a year ago.” She teased, and he chuckled shaking his head at her.

“Hush, let me finish. Will you marry me, on Thursday?”

“Yes.” She answered with a grin, as though it was the most obvious answer in the world.

He beamed, surging forward and wrapping her in his arms.

“You know, Garcia will kill us for getting married without her there.” She smirked as they pulled back, and Spencer nodded in agreement.

“What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

“You think she won’t find out? I’ll leave you to deal with her when she gets angry, Dr. Reid.” She joked, and he laughed with her.

“I think I can handle it, Mrs Reid.”

She grinned at the premature use of the name. “You can’t call me that until Thursday, you know.”

“Technically I can’t. But as soon as I can, I’ll never stop.” He promised, leaning down to kiss her once more.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid one shot #matthew gray gubler x reader #matthew gray gubler #mgg #mgg x reader #criminal minds #hercleverboy

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alloftheimaginesblog · 3 years

Text

Life Without Colour -(PART THREE)

Soulmate AU: Your vision is in black and white until you meet your soulmate. You and your boyfriend, Steve Rogers, aren’t each others soulmates but you love each other. He introduces you to his friends, the Avengers, and a very odd thing happens.

Characters: Steve Rogers x Plus Size Female Reader, Bucky Barnes x Plus Size Female Reader

Notes: implied sex but no actual smut/descriptions just the implication, this part is long so buckle down, kids nearly 6000 words of angst!

Taglist: @domainoflostsouls forgetthisbull handon-h-art yourspecialcrush giulsgotmusic mrsbarnes-rogers luosymekawa linzeyzarcone forgetthisbull calamityreads talgra

PART ONE

PART TWO

PART THREE

PART FOUR

PART FIVE

PART SIX

The clock ticking on the TV unit was the only noise in the apartment as the three of you waited in the living room. You couldn’t look at him. You couldn’t look at anything other than your hands as you sat on the couch. Steve sat on the armchair across from you and Bucky was leaning against the wall. He’d overheard you in the kitchen telling Bucky that you needed to tell him and now, you had to... You just couldn’t find the courage or the words to tell him yet. Steve sat glancing between the two of you, “Well?” He asked, frustrated that he was being kept in the dark, “What’s going on?” It wasn’t like Steve to get annoyed, usually he was always so calm but he was worried that something had happened and he hadn’t been told. The look on your face made him stomach flip uncomfortably... What the hell was going on?

“Before we tell you,” you begin, voice trembling, “I just want you to know that I love you, Steve.” Honestly, you didn’t know if you could tell him. For years, you thought you were so brave and confident in your ability to speak the truth and now that the time had come to own up and be honest, you just couldn’t do it. You didn’t want to hurt him but more selfishly, you didn’t want your relationship as it was right now to change and you knew that by telling Steve the truth about your soulmate, you would be changing everything. You weren’t sure if you were ready for that or not.

Steve shook his head, more confused than ever. He had a feeling what was about to come was related to something that he’d been worrying about for a long time. He knew that this is what was bothering you yesterday and this morning. Whatever it was, it wasn’t going to be good. There would only be a handful of things that would cause an atmosphere this tense.

“Just tell me.”

“Steve... uh... At the party last night, something happened.” Your hands clenched together, trying to draw strength and courage from them, “When... uh, when you... When we...” You couldn’t. Weak. Coward. Pathetic. In that moment, you felt the guilt crushing down on top of you as Steve questioned what had happened and it was Bucky who spoke next.

“(y/n)’s my soulmate,” Bucky interrupts, having had enough of your stalling, “I’m theirs too.” So much for easing the blow. If only you had been brave enough to tell him then you could have softened it around the edges but no, Bucky stepped in to sharpen the knife before metaphorically digging it into Steve’s flesh, “We’re soulmates.” And he twists the knife before ripping it out.

Tears burned at your eyes as you stared at your hands, heart hammering against your chest hard. My god, you were terrified. Your mind raced and you almost felt like the guilt was suffocating you, wrapping around your body like a boa constrictor. What made it worse is that a minute had passed by and Steve hadn’t said anything; he was still and silent. You took a deep breath before raising your head to look at him. He was staring directly at you, face hard yet emotionless. You couldn’t read him. He had been waiting for you to look at him and look into those impossibly bright eyes, “Is this true?” All you can do is nod as tears fall down your cheeks.

His cheeks puff as he blows out a long breath. He shakes his head when you say his name, a silent signal to just stop; a signal to leave him alone for a minute. You studied his face and his reactions, trying to gauge how he felt but you couldn’t. He was frowning but didn’t look angry but you couldn’t figure out how he felt. It was another few minutes of silence before anyone moved. With a sigh, Steve stands and walks over to Bucky. He says something to him quietly, Bucky nods and says a few words back before clapping him on the shoulder and walking past you. His eyes meet yours for a split second before you look back to Steve who’s staring out of the window, looking at the busy city.

You hear the door close meaning that Bucky has left and you try and talk to Steve again, “I’m sorry.” Tears are building in your eyes again once you know that you’re alone with each other and you allow yourself to break a little.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice is hard but it isn’t angry. There’s a waver of upset but no immediate burning anger, “I asked last night and you didn’t say anything. You lied, (y/n).” From day one, Steve had told you how important honesty is in a relationship and it was so important for you too. You’d been lied to before and kept in the dark before and you didn’t want to do that to him yet... in trying to spare his feelings, you shut him out and did the thing you’d promised you’d never do.

“I’m sorry... I tried to tell you but... Fear is never an excuse to lie but I was scared, Steve. I know that we’ve spoken about it in the past, we always agreed that you would be fine with it but I never expected it to be your best friend! I felt sick when I saw colour. I always wanted the first colour I saw to be your eyes and instead, it was Bu- it was his.” You can’t even say his name besides, you don’t want to rub salt in the wound.

“What were you talking about on the balcony?” Steve asks as he turns away from you, once again looking out at the city. He doesn’t want to hear the answer, fearing the absolute worst, but he has to know., “When I found the two of you outside... What happened?”

“My head was spinning from the shock, the colours; from everything so I needed fresh air. He came out a few minutes later and he said that nothing needed to happen, that he’d stay out of the way if that’s what I wanted. This is so complicated, Steve, and we were trying to figure out how to best go about it.”

“You didn’t think to tell me about it and we could’ve worked it out together?” There’s an iciness in his tone and you don’t blame him for that. You almost want him to be angry at you so that then the guilt is justified. He takes a breath, trying to calm himself down. He’s never one to anger but it hurts him. He knows, though, that you didn’t cause this. Yes, you and Bucky lied but the soulmate thing wasn’t either of your faults, he can’t blame you for that.

“I wanted to, Steve, I really did but... I couldn’t. I wanted to tell you last night but I couldn’t find the words. I wanted to tell you this morning but I was half hoping that my vision would be black and white again. I couldn’t sleep because I felt so guilty over it. If I could take it back, if I could change things, I would do it in a heartbeat.”

Steve sighs and turns to look at you. His lips are pursed and his arms are folded but his face is just sad, “I get it. I mean, it’s not exactly ideal that my best friend is your... soulmate.”

You nod, “I should have told you and I’m sorry that I didn’t.”

A bit of time passes and Steve’s sitting on the armchair again with you on the couch opposite. Things weren’t as tense but there was still a kind of unsure atmosphere. You didn’t know how to proceed and truth be told, neither did Steve. He had been dreading this moment since the two of you became serious; he knew it would happen eventually but he had hoped it be a stranger and then you’d never see that person again. It was selfish of him to want you all to himself and he knew he couldn’t; you weren’t a possession or something that belongs to him but he didn’t want to have to compete with your soulmate. Life is never easy, life can often times be cruel and unkind and that’s exactly what it was right now. He couldn’t quite believe that Bucky was your soulmate. He knew Bucky, they’d been friends since they were kids and all he wanted was Bucky to be happy... All Steve wanted was for you to be happy.

“What do you want?” He asks, quietly. Once again, he’s afraid of the answer. He knows that he can’t compete with your actual, genuine soulmate who just so happens to be Bucky. He doesn’t look at you, instead focussing on the TV which is turned off.

You look at him, confused, “What do you mean?”

He really doesn’t want to say it but he has to know, “Do you want... me or do you want-”

Shaking your head, you won’t even let him finish the question, “You, Steve. I only want you.” Steve releases a breath and you can physically see his stress relieving, “I don’t want anything else or anyone else. All I have ever wanted since meeting you is you, Steve. If I could live a life without colour, I would so happily do that with you because even though we’re not soulmates, we paved a life for ourselves and I love you more than anything in the entire world.” You’d told him all of this before but he needed to hear it now, he needed to hear it more than ever, “I don’t want Bucky... I want you, Steve.”

His eyes are glassy, full of tears, as you expel his worries, “I need you to promise me something, (y/n),” his voice is tight as he tries not to cry, “if you start to feel anything for Bucky, anything at all, you need to tell me. I can’t have you keeping me in the dark again. If we’re really serious about this, you owe it to me to tell the truth. What happens after, I don’t know.”

“Okay but I’m not going to develop feelings for-”

“Please, (y/n).” The look in his eyes, you realise, is desperation. He needs his promise, he needs the truth from you; he needs to know of any updates instantly. You nod quickly, telling him that you promise.

“If anything changes, any feelings or just anything, I promise I’ll tell you.” The pair of you are quiet for a moment. It’s a highly emotional, highly sensitive topic but the pair of you managed to cope okay with it. There’s a small part of you that wishes he would’ve gotten mad. You didn’t like anger, you hated people shouting, especially men, but it would’ve made you feel better if he was more heated.

Steve clears his throat and you realise that he’s standing in front of you, he’s holding his hand out to you so you gladly take it and let him pull you up. He wraps his arms around you and you tense up, it doesn’t feel like you should be having such a tender moment after lying and upsetting him but you relax into his touch eventually. He holds you gently and you wish you knew what was going through his head. Ironic since when Steve holds you, he’s wondering what’s going through your head.

He presses a kiss to your forehead, “It’s okay,” he said softly, “I’m upset but it’s not like you could control it.” But I lied to you. I can’t control my soulmate but I purposefully hid the truth from you. I did the one thing I promised that I’d never do. How are you so okay with this? Why aren’t you mad at me? “I’m going to go see Bucky,” Steve said, “I need to make sure that he’s doing okay.” You feel like you don’t deserve any of Steve’s kindness and the guilt worsens.

“What are we going to do?” You ask.

Steve purses his lips before answering, “I suppose that’s up to you and Bucky. You’re both mutually connected through me so it’s not like you’ll be able to avoid each other. You might feel more comfortable seeing him occasionally but he might feel totally comfortable seeing you all the time. I don’t know. I’ll go talk to him and see where his head is at... What are your thoughts?”

You shrug, “I don’t know. Right now... I think it’s best to let all the tension die down before I spend real time with him again, does that make sense? He’s your best friend which means he’s part of our lives so it will be awkward but I want it to be... I don’t know... less awkward? Maybe time would do that.”

Steve nods, “Sure thing, sweetheart. Whatever you want.” He presses another kiss to your forehead.

You looked up at him, confused, “Why are you being so nice?” His niceness is too sweet. You feel like you don’t deserve it so it makes your mouth curl in disgust, not at him at all but at you; at your actions. His niceness only makes you realise how horrible you had been and makes you realise that you don’t deserve it.

He laughed slightly, “Would you rather I scream and shout over something you can’t control?” Yes, that’s exactly what I want. “Neither of you asked for it or planned for it so although I’m upset, I’m not mad at either of you. I know that Bucky will be beating himself up over it so I’m going to go talk things through with him; I’ll tell him what we discussed and I’ll smooth things over, okay?” You nod, “Will you be okay?” You nod again.

He leaves a moment later and it’s as you’re sitting on the couch, curled under a blanket in the dim light, you realise that you really wanted him to be mad at you. You wanted him to shout at you, tell you that you betrayed his trust and you broke a promise. You wanted him to tell you that he hated you; that what you did was horrible and that you should feel guilty for lying to him. You deserved that. You felt that if he had been angry; if you’d had a massive fight then maybe your guilt wouldn’t still be this bad... But Steve Rogers wasn’t like that; he wasn’t like that at all... and somehow, his forgiveness was worse than anger.

The rest of the day passed is a blur. You had originally planned to clean the kitchen and bathroom and vacuum the apartment but all you could do was sit on the couch and stare at the TV. It was an hour or so later when Nat called you, you answered after a few seconds.

“Did you tell him?” Was the first thing out of her mouth. Nat was never one for pleasantries, she much preferred to get straight to the point.

“I told him,” you said quietly.

She practically exploded into a fit of questions, “What did he say? Was Bucky there? What happened? Are you okay?!”

One by one, you began to sort through the questions, “After I came back from seeing you, Bucky was here and Steve overhead me saying to Bucky that we should tell him about the whole soulmate thing... God, it was so awkward but Steve was... Steve took it really well.”

“He did?”

“Yeah, I thought he would’ve been shouting and angry but he wasn’t.”

“That’s good, isn’t it?” Nat could tell something was still off. Your relationship had avoided ending and still, you sounded conflicted.

You sighed heavily, “Nat, am I crazy? He took the news so well, I mean he wasn’t happy about it but he certainly wasn’t angry. Bucky left and we spoke about it and everything’s okay... Am I crazy for not being happy with that? I feel terrible and the fact he’s okay with it makes me feel worse, I don’t know it’s like I wanted him to be mad at me-”

“Because then it all feels justified,” Nat cut in, “It’s a little crazy but we’ve all been there before.” There was a slight pause, “I don’t know exactly how you feel, I don’t know what that’s like having your soulmate being the best friend of your current boyfriend but I think that you’ve got yourself a rare one with Steve. He loves you, (y/n). He really, truly does and even though your vision says that you’re not soulmates, he believes otherwise. There’s not many people that would take that news so kindly and accept it so well. I think that you might always feel guilty but as long as Steve’s okay and you’re okay then I think you’ll be fine with all of this.”

As Nat spoke, you could feel a little weight lift off of your shoulders, “I love him, Nat. I love Steve. I just... I feel absolutely terrible.”

“I’m going to give you some tough love,” Nat said as she cleared her throat, “It’s not your fault that your soulmate isn’t Steve. You knew from the get go that you and Steve weren’t soulmates and yet, you actively started a relationship knowing this. Steve promised you, didn’t he, that he would be okay with you finding out your soulmate now I know it’s Bucky and that sucks because it’s always going to be awful but suck it up. Steve’s okay with it, even if it means a little extra awkwardness, but he’s okay with it. You feel guilty but I think you’d rather a little guilt rather than have Steve scream at you, say horrible things and make you cry. You’d rather feel a little guilt than have him leave. It worked out perfectly for you and that’s hard right now but you have to realise that not everyone would have been that lucky to get a Steve. You gotta suck it up and be thankful.”

You were silent for a moment as Nat spoke. You knew that you could always count on her to give you a little bit of tough love; that’s why you’d only told her and not anyone else. Nat would tell you exactly what you needed to hear; that it would be okay, that Steve was better than the majority of people and he was kind; he was probably a little too kind and that only worked in your favour. Nat was there to tell you that though you felt guilty, you’d rather feel guilty than having your heartbroken had he left at the news.

“My god, we should’ve been soulmates, Nat,” you say with a laugh, “then I wouldn’t have to worry about the drama.”

“If you would be so lucky!” Nat scoffed, “How do you feel?”

“Better now, thanks to you. I would much rather feel this than have Steve hate me or have him leave. I just... It could only happen to me.”

Nat said your name and somehow, you knew what she was about to ask, “What happens if you start to feel something for Bucky? I mean, you’re soulmates for a reason and it’s not like you won’t be spending time with each other. I don’t want it to happen because I know how perfect you and Steve are but... it seems a bit inevitable.”

Whomp, there it is.

“You make me feel better, give me a false sense of security and then you snatch it from me by asking questions like that,” you groaned, “I don’t know, Nat. I don’t want to hurt Steve. I-I... I have no idea what I’d do in that case. All I know is that I would tell Steve and we’d work through it together, I wouldn’t pursue anything with Bucky even despite.”

Nat accepted your answer and she could tell that you were stressed so she moved onto other topics like her and Bruce’s date that night, “I think I’ve picked my outfit. A simple black dress and heels can never go wrong, can it?”

“Nat, you could were a garbage bag and look phenomenal so whatever you wear will be amazing and you know that Bruce will be speechless regardless!” The two of you chatted for a while longer before Nat had to go get dressed for her date, “Let me know how it goes!” You said before hanging up.

It wasn’t long before Steve came home. You were in the middle of making some pasta for dinner when he came home, wrapping his arms around you from behind and kissing your shoulder softly, “Hey, sweetheart,” he whispered against your skin.

You relaxed into his touch, “I missed you,” you murmured as he peppered soft kisses along your shoulder to your neck, “How did everything go?”

“It was fine,” he said, planting one last kiss on your shoulder before breaking away, “Awkward at first but I told Bucky that it’s okay, I trust the two of you and if anything was to happen, feelings wise, then I know that you’d both tell me.” You nodded as he spoke, mixing the pasta as a way to distract yourself from getting upset, “Bucky felt terrible, it made me understand a little more how you felt - or how you feel rather. I’m sorry if I was rude or harsh with you earlier. It came as a massive shock and I know you can’t control it. I forgive you for lying, I know that you thought you were doing the right thing-”

Stirring pasta to distract yourself from crying didn’t help at all and instead you threw yourself into his arms, “Oh, Steve!” You wept onto his shoulder, “I don’t deserve you!”

Quickly bundling you into his arms, Steve hugged you tightly. He hugged you so tightly and pressed a soft kiss to your head, “What are you talking about, sweetheart? It’s okay, just take a breath.”

You sniffed and took a few breaths, “I just... You’re so kind, Steve, I feel like I don’t deserve it.”

He chuckled and shook his head, pulling you away to arms length. He looked at you, looked at your teary eyes and your pouting lips, “Sweetheart, you know how I know you love me?” You shook your head, “I look at you right now, so guilt ridden over something you can’t control, you thought you were protecting me and I’ve already forgiven you and you’re still upset. You care so deeply about me and it is so apparent in everything you do. I know that you love me and therefore, I know that you wouldn’t do anything to break my trust.”

You sniffed as Steve’s hands wiped away your tears, “I love you,” you sniffled, “I don’t know if I’ll ever stop feeling guilty.”

Steve caressed your face softly, “It’s okay, sweetheart, you have nothing to feel guilty for anymore. I love you.”

“You promise?”

Steve smiled as he moved in closer to your lips, “I promise you, love.” He kissed you softly and you instantly relaxed into his kiss. He held you tightly and soon, the kiss quickened and became much more hungry that it had been. It wasn’t long before you were turning off the stove and attaching to his lips again as you both stumbled towards the bedroom. Your hands gripped his biceps as his hands held onto your hips tightly, groping your sides and your stomach. Steve loved your stomach, he loved your curves even if you hated them. It wasn’t long before the two of you had fallen into bed, falling into the blissful vortex of love.

You woke up on Steve’s chest. You lay there for a few minutes before sighing and rubbing your eyes. Carefully, you moved out of Steve’s arms and sat up, you pulled on your t-shirt which had been discarded during earlier before grabbing your phone and leaving the bedroom. You padded out to the kitchen to get a glass of water. The guilt wasn’t as strong as it had been now, you felt a lot better thanks to Steve... he really did know how to make everything better and make you forget about everything. He had forgiven you, now you just had to forgive yourself.

Tapping your phone, you read the time. 3.42am. You saw a text from Nat from around midnight which read; Date went great. Awkward at first but quickly got over that. Surprising thing? Didn’t even talk about work once! Call me tomorrow and we’ll chat. Hope everything’s okay. You’d call her tomorrow, catch up and hear how her date went. You hoped that she would be happy with Bruce, they were soulmates though hesitant ones. She deserved to be happy after a life time of unhappiness and torment.

With a sigh, you grabbed a glass and filled it with water, taking a sip as you leaned against the counter. Usually, you’d take the glass of water to bed in case you woke through the night but something made you stay in the kitchen, silently sipping water and staring at your phone. One minute passed then another then another and as you went to grab your phone, it lit up and began to buzz.

You stopped, staring at it with wide eyes, “That wasn’t freaky at all...”

Unknown Caller flashed on the screen as it vibrated on the counter. You never answered unknown callers or numbers you didn’t have saved already, knowing that they’d mainly be junk or spam calls but something pulled you to answer this call; something deep within you awoke and forced your hand to pick up the call, press the green button onscreen and press it to your ear, “Hello?” Your voice was quiet, careful not to be too loud.

A long puff of breath came from the other end, “I didn’t think you’d actually pick up.” You knew that voice.

The shock almost made you drop the glass of water, “Who is this?”

He chuckled from the other end, “C’mon, doll, you already-”

“Bucky,” you hissed, “don’t call me that.”

He stopped laughing immediately, “I’m sorry, it’s, uh, an old habit, I suppose. I shouldn’t have called, I-”

You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose; it was harmless. “Bucky,” your voice was softer and much kinder, “Why are you calling me? Why this late?”

“I couldn’t sleep, the nightmares seem to be in full force since I’m stressed,” he didn’t know why he told you that, usually it was always a vague answer but he felt comfortable to tell you. It freaked him out a little that you were still strangers yet he found himself calling you at three in the morning, telling you things that he wouldn’t usually tell people, “To be honest, I don’t know why I called you.”

You were quiet for a moment as you tried to process what was happening. Should’ve ignored the call, “How did you get my number?”

“Steve gave it to me months back. He said that if I couldn’t reach him or anyone on the team, to contact you. I saved your number thinking I’d never need it. He said that he’d give you my number as well just in case.” There was a vague memory of Steve taking your phone and inputting a number for ‘just in case purposes’, to be fair, you hadn’t really listened but you could only assume it was Bucky’s number, “Do you want me to hang up? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or anything.”

“It’s okay,” you said, taking another sip of water, “I was up anyway. Just know, Bucky, that me and Steve we... we sorted everything out so-”

“Yeah, I know,” he said cutting over you, “Listen, (y/n), I’m not trying to get in between the two of you. I know how complicated all of this and I’m not trying to upset either of you or mess with you or anything. I know that sounds really convincing especially since I’m calling you at three in the morning but...”

You laughed slightly, a real genuine laugh, “Yeah, your case isn’t looking so good here,” you teased quietly. Bucky laughed too, instantly feeling a lot more comfortable now that the awkwardness had been broken slightly. It felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, that he could relax now and just talk.

“I just wanted to make sure things were okay. I know we agreed to not really see each other or whatever but today was hard, even harder on you I bet so I thought I’d check in with you and see how you’re doing.” It touched you that he had reached out, although you still thought 3am was a little sketchy to call at , you knew about his insomnia and his nightmares.

“I’m okay. After you left, Steve and I spoke about things and then he went to see you. When he came home, we put everything to bed-” literally, “-so yeah. I’m doing okay. How are you? You mentioned you were stressed?” Honestly, you didn’t know why you were carrying on the conversation, you knew that this would further complicate things but what harm was a phone call; it wasn’t as though you had feelings for Bucky.

“Stressed about the whole situation, I’m sure you understand,” you hummed in agreement, “but Steve reassured me that everything’s fine. He said it was up to us what happened whether we saw each other or avoided each other or share Steve on a joint custody basis.”

You laughed. Turns out Steve hadn’t been lying when he said Bucky was the funniest person he knew, he had a dry sense of humour, a sarcastic nature that toed the line with arrogance, “I’ll tell you what I told Steve this afternoon. I don’t really know where my head’s at honestly. I said to Steve that it would be better for me if we were to keep our distance just until the dust settles, you know?”

Bucky smiles, a sad smile, “Yeah, I get that... I’ll keep my distance.”

“I don’t want you to take it personally or think that I don’t want you around,” you said quickly, “I just... I gotta put my relationship first, Bucky; I have to put Steve first.”

“Don’t worry, I understand,” he says quietly, “I totally understand.” It confuses him as to why that hurts him. Maybe it’s for a reason that he doesn’t want to admit yet or even think about. He puts it down to being stressed.

Things are silent for a few seconds and you take that as your signal to end the conversation, “It’s late and I should probably go back to bed...”

“(y/n)?” Bucky asks. You respond with a ‘yeah?’, “Would you do me favour just one? Would you stay on the line a few more minutes? I...” He doesn’t know how to tell you that you’re the first thing to make him feel a sense of peace and calm since the 40s without being too forward so he chooses to not tell you.

“Sure,” you say, realising that this man is very much still trying to heal; he was a soldier then a weapon against his will and now he was dealing with the consequences. To make matters worse, he’d found his soulmate, probably the one person that would make everything better and they just so happen to be in a long term committed relationship to his best friend. Luck was not a friend of James Barnes.

You hear him shuffling and you can tell that he’s trying to get comfortable as he pulls his sheets around him, “You know,” you say softly, “something that always gets me to sleep is audiobooks or podcasts.”

“What’s that?” Bucky asks. It’s easy to forget that he comes from a different time than you.

“An audiobook is a recording of someone reading a book. A podcast is a recording of people chatting, some talk about games or movies, others talk about current events. Give it a try. I don’t know about nightmares or PTSD or anything like what you’re dealing with but it might help a little bit.”

He smiles, “Thanks, I’ll try it out.”

“I really should go, Bucky... Are you gonna be okay?”

“Ah, don’t worry about me!” He teases with a chuckle, “I’ll be fine, don’t worry.” You don’t know if he’s trying to convince you or himself; neither of you believe him anyway, “I’ll give an audiobook a listen and see if it helps any... For what it’s worth, (y/n), I’m glad you’re with Steve. You mean a lot to each other and I’m glad you’re both happy.”

“Goodnight, Bucky.”

“Night, (y/n).”

You put the phone on the counter, checking the time; 4.17am. You’d been speaking to Bucky for around half an hour. Time flies, eh? You take the glass and walk into your bedroom, leaving your phone in the kitchen. There would be no more interruptions tonight.

Steve’s in the same position as when you left him. Slowly, you slide into bed after placing the glass on the beside cabinet and lift his arm over you again. He scoots closer to you, pulling you flush against him and wrapping his arm around you a little tighter. You would tell Steve about the phone call in the morning, there was nothing to hide with it, and it would be okay. You loved Steve and that was it; you had drawn the line with Bucky, telling him that Steve was your priority and that you’d rather not be around him until things were fully settled. You felt better as you closed your eyes. It wasn’t long before you were falling asleep the sound of Steve’s breathing.

#life without colour #lwc #reader insert #marvel series #steve rogers/reader/bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x plus size reader #bucky barnes #steve rogers x plus size reader #steve rogers x reader #plus size reader #plus size #marvel #avengers

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the-cult-of-russo · 3 years

Text

No Going Back (part 2)

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader

Request : Hey love, can you please do a part 2 to “no going back” where the reader is with a new partner that treats them better and shows how happy y/n is (after a few months of heart break) & billy is upset and dealing with the aftermath of his actions - regret - or not being able to find someone like reader. I’m in the mood for sad!billy because my heart broke for myself in the last one lmfao, they could meet again with y/nS new partner idk go crazy babe!

A/N: Welcome to the Land of Pain. Enjoy the deep rooted sadness and heartache lmao why am I so invested in Sad!Billy? Like really, let me give him a hug or something 😂 this one kind of took on a life of its own and I couldn't help the comforting at the end lmao sue me.

Also, I keep the description of the new partner vague so you can imagine whoever you want. Personally I was thinking Charlie Hunnam because 👀🙃 but this way you can picture whoever.

Warnings: cursing, some angst, heaps of sadness and despair (for Billy), very much Sad!Billy. Lil bit of fluff too

You never thought you'd find happiness, not after Billy. But sometimes you find things when you least expect it, or they find you. You'd spent months healing after what happened with Billy and at times you honestly thought the pain wouldn't stop. The saving grace was the fact Billy actually kept his distance and didn't contact you. At first you weren't sure if that hurt more or not. But the clean break allowed you to heal and you knew deep down that's why he did it. It had been hard knowing he loved you, that he wanted to fix things. If he had just been an asshole then it would have been easier to get over him. You could hate him. But you couldn't. Part of you would always belong to him but you had to move on. And you did.

Jacob was a great guy and you'd met through a friend. He took you on dates, doted on you. He was there and he listened and he treated you amazingly. And for the first time since Billy, you hadn't compared Jacob to him. Previous dates were always measured up to Billy but when you met Jacob, you didn't even think about your past lover.

You'd been with Jacob now for 4 months, it being half a year since the split with Billy. Everything was looking up for you and you finally felt like things were on the right track. You still thought about Billy sometimes. Wondered if he was okay, what he was up to. You couldn't help it. You just hoped one day he'd find happiness too. It hurt that he hadn't allowed that with you but you hoped he'd let it happen with someone one day.

-------

Billy had experienced pain in all forms in his life. The pain of abandonment from his mother, from the shit in the group home, being in the marines and everything after. He'd always dealt with it. Picked himself back up and moved on. He got back up every time and was always stronger for it. But this time… this time he was weak and he couldn't do a damned thing about it.

Losing you, all through his own bullshit fault, had been by far the worst thing he'd ever been through. The worst kind of pain. Being shot in the heart would hurt less than the agony and waking hell that had been his life since you begged him to leave your apartment 6 months ago. It felt like only 6 days ago yet 6 years at the same time. It was a never ending spiral of darkness and despair.

And it was all his own fault. His inability to just be a normal fucking human with emotions had ruined the best thing he ever had. He deserved this pain. He deserved every bit of it. He'd done a lot of bad shit in his life but this was the worst. He couldn't get your face out of his head. How you looked at him with such betrayal and hurt. And he'd caused that. He'd caused those tears to stream down your face, he'd caused that pain. So he'd wallow in his misery and take every inch of pain he was in because he deserved it all.

He'd thrown it all away, and for what? The sex with the other women hadn't even been good. He hadn't enjoyed it because it wasn't you. And then after, the guilt would eat him alive. But he kept doing it. He couldn't stop himself because he was overwhelmed. He loved you. He actually fucking loved you and he didn't deserve you at all. He never thought he'd love anyone. Didn't think he was capable of such a thing, yet here he was. And he never thought in a million years that anyone would ever love him. His own mother didn't, so why would anyone else? He kept replaying over and over when you told him you loved him that day. The pain had ripped through him like C4. He'd fucked up so badly and he couldn't fix it. He'd finally had a taste of what it was like to be loved and to love someone and it was snatched away in a heartbeat because of his own actions.

He couldn't sleep, couldn't eat. He lost some weight and was well aware of the dark circles around his eyes. He'd taken to drinking every night just to numb the pain and hope your face didn't haunt his dreams. He hadn't even slept with another person since. He couldn't bring himself to. He was a mess. All he wanted was you and he couldn't have you.

------

You and Jacob were on your way to a little cafe you frequented for lunch. You felt happy, radiant even as you both walked hand in hand. The weather was warming up and the sun bathed you in its warm glow as you walked. Everything felt right. Just as you got to the outside of the cafe, his phone rang.

"Shit, I need to take this, babe," he sighed. You smiled up at him, giving him a quick peck on the lips.

"It's okay. I'll see what they have today," you smiled. He gave you a wide smile, kissing you softly before he stepped away a bit to answer the phone. There was no anxiety. No wondering who he was talking to. You felt settled and content.

You glanced through the window of the cafe where they displayed fresh baked sweet treats. They had different ones every day and you pressed up against the window, eyes glancing around as you tried to decide if you wanted a glazed donut or a cinnamon bun. Probably the donut.

"Y/N?" The shocked voice felt like a splash of cold water. You knew that voice anywhere. You turned around to see Billy, wide eyed as he stared at you. He looked… oh Billy. Your heart ached at the state of him. He was still in his fancy suit with his hair neat and slicked back. But he looked exhausted, his dark eyes sad. It hurt.

"Hey, Billy," you murmured with a soft smile. You thought about what it would be like if you saw him again. You thought it would bring all the pain back. The anger. But you were hurting for a different reason. You were hurting for him this time.

He glanced at the floor, looking somewhat out of place and his usual confidence seemed to be left at home. When he glanced back up at you, looking at you through his lashes, he looked like a lost boy.

"You look good," he said quietly. You smiled sadly, shifting where you stood.

"You look tired," you countered softly. He chuckled, the noise hollow sounding and you'd be a liar if you said you didn't miss him. Part of you wondered if you could have stayed friends but you didn't think it would help.

"Yeah, I'm uh… not sleepin' so good," he shrugged like it was nothing and you frowned.

"Billy-" you started, only to be cut off by Jacob coming back over and wrapping an arm around your waist.

"Sorry, I'm done now," he smiled down at you, kissing your cheek. It wasn't done as a display of possessiveness like Billy would have. It was simply affection. But you saw how Billy's jaw clenched, eyes hardening as he looked at him.

"Uh… Jacob, this is Billy. Billy, this is Jacob," you said carefully. You didn't need to say that Jacob was your boyfriend. It was obvious and you didn't want to rub salt in Billy's wounds. Jacob's brows raised a little, arm moving from around you as he looked at Billy.

"Oh. It's a pleasure to meet you, I've heard a lot about you," Jacob said amicably as he extended his hand. Billy glanced at it like it was a poisonous snake before glancing at you. You gave him an imploring look and he swallowed thickly before shaking Jacob's hand.

"Nothin' good, I bet,'' Billy smiled bitterly. Ouch. That hurt.

Jacob looked at Billy hesitantly with a small smile.

"Actually… Y/N had nothing but good things to say about you. Except for how it all ended but… there were a lot of good things," Jacob said softly. It made you smile. You'd told him everything about you and Billy and he'd never seen it as an issue. And the fact he was trying here really meant something to you.

Billy looked taken aback for a moment before his face schooled back to the mask of indifference he'd wear often. He glanced at you then at Jacob again as Jacob gave your hand a squeeze.

"I'll get us a table and give you two a minute," Jacob murmured to you. It wasn't lost on you how he purposely didn't kiss you like he normally would. He wasn't petty. He wouldn't hurt Billy or rub it in his face.

Once Jacob was inside you looked at Billy as he glared off to the side, hands stuffed in his pockets.

"Billy… I'm sorry, I…" you frowned. You wished he hadn't found out this way. Not when you saw how badly he was hurting. He chuckled humorlessly and shook his head.

"Don't … Don't do that," he bit out.

"Do what?" You asked with a frown. His obsidian eyes turned to you then, full of such pain and sadness that it felt like you'd been punched in the gut.

"Don't… apologise to me. I don't deserve shit," he muttered, jaw clenched.

You took a step closer to him and he looked down at you, rolling his shoulder a little.

"Look… you fucked up. It happened. But I don't … I don't hate you, okay? I never could. I don't want to see you hurting like this," you lamented. His lower lip wobbled a little before he clamped down on it with his teeth, glaring at the floor with glassy eyes.

"You should hate me," he replied tensely.

"Well I don't. I forgive you. I don't know if that's helps or anything but… you need to forgive yourself, Billy," you said as you moved closer, looking up at him. His eyes met yours for a moment before he looked away.

He was so tense, hands in his pockets as his shoulders were set and his body was rigid.

"Does he uh… he treat you good?" He asked, voice strained as his eyes drifted to the window of the cafe before back to you. You nodded, worried if you vocalised it that it might hurt him more. He scrunched his nose a little, his shoulder rolling again.

"He make you happy?" He asked quietly. It sounded like it brought him great pain to even ask and you looked away with a sigh.

"Billy…" you frowned, not wanting to answer.

"Just… please. Does he make you happy?" He asked again, a little firmer this time. You met his eyes as you nodded.

His jaw ticked as he nodded stiffly, glaring off to the side.

"Good… good, you deserve to be happy," he muttered softly.

"So do you," you replied sincerely. Black eyes snapped to yours then as he scoffed. He opened his mouth to no doubt say something fueled by self hatred but you spoke before he had the chance.

"I'm serious. I want you to be happy, Billy. You need to allow yourself to feel things and one day you'll get that. You'll find happiness one day," you implored.

He blinked at you for a moment, his eyes shining from moisture.

"I want that with you. And I know… I know I can't. I know we can't fix this. But I just… I don't think I could find that with someone else," he admitted softly. He looked so sad and it was wounding you. You hated seeing him so vulnerable and lost like this. It was so far from the Billy you knew and loved. This Billy was the Billy that woke from nightmares about the group home or from when he was overseas. The Billy you'd comforted many times before. It always hurt you when this side of him was out.

"There'll always be a part of my heart with your name on it, Billy. I'm sorry it didn't work out but it doesn't mean I don't care at all," you breathed. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a shaky breath at your words.

"This… this is why I never deserved you. You're too good for me, too kind and… caring. I don't deserve somethin' precious like you. I don't deserve anythin' good," he muttered bitterly. You knew this spiral well. How he got in his own head and went down the rabbit hole of hating himself.

You took another step towards him and wrapped your arms around his neck. You just wanted him to be okay. To stop hurting. He may have hurt you, broke your heart, but you didn't want this for him. You wanted to comfort him and this was the only way you knew how. You felt his arms wrap around you, one fisting your shirt and the other in your hair as he held you close. He buried his nose in your hair and inhaled deeply.

"Stop hating yourself. Do it for me. I hate seeing you like this," you whispered forlornly as you held onto him tightly.

His hand in your hair tightened a little and you could feel a slight tremor running through his body.

"I'm a mess without you," he lamented, slightly muffled by your hair.

"You need to allow yourself to move on," you replied softly. You went to move away but his arms tightened and you allowed him to hold you a moment longer. He'd called you his anchor once. You hadn't really believed him but now it seemed like he was floating away and you were the only thing tethering him here.

He pressed a kiss to your hair before releasing you but you didn't step back too far as you blinked up at him.

"Maybe we… maybe we can…" he trailed off uncertainly and your chest constricted painfully. You really hoped he wasn't going to ask for another chance because shooting him down in the state he was in would kill you.

"I wanna… could we be friends? I won't… I won't get in the way or anythin', I just… maybe if I could text you sometimes? Just to know you're okay?" He asked hesitantly as his dark orbs flit to the window of the cafe before back to you.

You weren't sure if it was a great idea. You didn't know if it would help if you were honest.

"Billy… I don't know if that's a good idea," you murmured sadly. His eyes bore into you, pleading and desperate.

"Please? I know that I-I can't have you. Not the way I want. But I need you in my life, even just as a friend. You not bein' there at all… it's left a gaping hole and I…" his hand went to his chest, rubbing over where his heart was.

"Okay, you can text me if you need me. But only as friends," you relented, stating the last part firmly. A small smile graced his face then, eyes lighting up ever so slowly. You hoped this wouldn't be a bad idea.

"I appreciate it. And… as much as it hurts… to see you with… Jacob. I am happy for you," he said Jacob's name like it pained him but his eyes were sincere as he looked at you. It made you smile a little.

"Thank you, Billy," you murmured. He gave you another small hesitant smile as he nodded.

"I'll uh… let you get back," he said with a nod. Without thinking, you wrapped your arms around him again, around his middle this time as your head rested on his chest. He didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around you tightly. His hand going to your hair like it always did. You could hear the rapid thumping of his heart in your ear.

"It was good seeing you," you said softly. You meant it too.

You always thought it would be difficult seeing him again, and it was in a way. It hurt seeing him this cut up about it. But it wasn't how you imagined it would go. You weren't angry at him, you didn't feel the same pain you did on that day. The only pain you felt was for the broken man in holding you. You wanted to comfort him and you'd missed him. He'd been a constant in your life for a while, even before you officially got together.

"It was good seein' you too," he sighed, squeezing you a little. When you stepped back, he gripped your face and for a moment it startled you. But he planted a firm kiss to your forehead before stepping back. Once again, you allowed him that. You couldn't help it.

You gave him a soft smile and he returned it with a sad one of his own. You forced your feet to move as you made your way into the cafe. Jacob was sitting there patiently waiting at a table with a coffee and a donut waiting for you. You grinned at him as you sat down and he leaned over to kiss your cheek.

"Everything okay?" He asked softly, stroking your cheek.

"Yeah," you sighed. You really hoped Billy would forgive himself for everything that happened. He didn't need to punish himself like this.

"Good… he'll get over it one day. Just give him some time, babe," Jacob murmured as if he knew what you were thinking. You gave him a warm smile as you laced your fingers with his.

You hoped he was right. You hoped that being friends with Billy would work and maybe help him. You still weren't sure if it was a good idea or not but he seemed adamant it would help him. It was hardly how you ever imagined it would go but it was how the cards fell. All you could do was wait and see what happened and hope that maybe you could help Billy through it. It was kind of upside down and all ass upwards. Helping the man that broke your heart get over you. But you still cared about him and you'd do whatever you could to help him through it.

#billy russo #billy russo x reader #the punisher #billy russo imagine

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bangtanfancamp · 3 years

Text

∴ summary: After spending a gloomy afternoon trying to get out of your own head alone , you finally seek out your boyfriend for help

∴ masterlist

∴ one shot

∴ pairing: Kim Namjoon x reader

∴ word count: 2k

∴ rating: pg-13

∴ genre: soft angst, comfort, established relationship

∴ warnings: oc is struggling with something akin to depression, it’s alluded to but not explicitly stated

∴ author’s note: this is incredibly self indulgent and was written in one go. I’ll edit later. I’d rather have it here to share sooner in case anyone needs it as much as me.

─────────────────────

“Joonie, what are you doing? Are you busy?” Your voice comes out small as you peak around the corner into his office, sweater pawed knuckles sneaking around the edge of the door frame.

He doesn’t look up at first. Perhaps you really were too quiet. Or maybe he’s just that immersed in his book. It’s not a cover you’ve seen before so it very well may be the latter. You know how he is when he has a new thing to get lost in. Ever your astronaut adrift, exploring the moons just beyond whatever new world he’s found.

He looks so at home now. Cozy in his den of words and letters. Perfectly domestic amidst lofty thoughts and paragraphs. His skin is mostly bare today, his coordinated tank top and shorts exposing a golden expanse of toned arms, long legs . They’re folded up and crossed, a little boy lost in wonder as he sits on his futon.

His hair is a warm chestnut this week, fringe too long around the lashes but too short to pull back. The way it refuses to cooperate when he brushes it out of his eyes, trickling silkily, stubbornly back into place, exactly where it wants to be, makes you want to chuckle.

He still hasn’t noticed you’re there. Too far gone in whatever his newest philosophy is to notice the way you study the dip of his furrowed brow, how it juxtaposes against the relief of his shadowed dimples, smiling even as he frowns. He finds so much pleasure in being studious— just for fun. No matter how much concentration it takes. You’ve always admired that about him. Admired everything about him really.

Clearing your throat, though you hate to interrupt him, you try again.

“Joonie?”

Somehow it’s even quieter than before, and as he turns another reverent page, you know you’ll have to physically intervene to interrupt him. You sigh. You hate to break the spell. He loves days like this—with the rain trickling down the window’s glass casting shadows on his focused face— he’s so happy to read when it rains.

He leans forward then without looking up to take a sip of his Earl grey, bumbling when the steam unexpectedly fogs his glasses. He laughs at himself, folding his book so it splays across the seat to mark his place and removing his glasses. It’s the first time he’s looked up. He spots you then, his face splitting into the smoothest “there’s my girl” smile you’ve ever seen.

“Hey… how long have you been standing there?” His voices comes low, warm, soothes something in you that desperately needs rest.

“Long enough to see you blind yourself with tea, it seems.” You try to smile back, but it’s a weak, floppy thing. Your cheeks can’t seem to commit so it falls a bit too flat. His brows pinch when he sees it. Something’s amiss.

“Hey… are you okay?” His inscrutable eyes analyze you, and you let him. Too tired to resist or put up a fight.

“It’s not my day, joonie.” Your voice is pitiful, even to your own ears. You’d normally wince at sounding like this in front of anyone else. But honestly, it’s okay. It’s Namjoon you’re with. You don’t have to play games or hide things. Not here. Not with him.

“Yeah?” His eyes catch yours as his palms rub the tops of his thighs. It’s an invitation. You know the gesture by now.

“Yeah… again. There have been so many of these lately,” you say, crossing the room to him, his arms unfolding to welcome you into them. “They come too often and stay too long. They’re terrible house guests. I’m tired of them, joon. I can’t seem to get rid of them.”

You’re scooped against him now, head on the space between his neck and his chest, fingers twisted into his tank top, bum in his lap, knees tucked up til you’re as small as you can get. There’s a broad palm of his on your back, fingertips on his other hand traveling the length of your arm in tender caresses as his cheek rests atop your head.

“Maybe we should start charging them rent. I bet even they can’t afford to pay that in this economy.” He offers the idea solemnly, fully committed to carrying out the metaphor that your mental health really is just an unfortunate airbnb plagued with hideously mannered squatters.

“You know, I love that about you, Joon.”

“My inability to pay rent?”

You nuzzle a sappy no into the heat of his neck,” dummy, your very real ability to never minimize things that are hard to me.”

The dip of his chest as he exhales is oddly soothing. It makes you feel like you’re being rocked and god if you don’t need to be cradled right now. “Things have been really hard lately, haven’t they?” He wonders aloud.

“It isn’t just my perception?” You look up, eyes entirely too pitiful, too round to belong to a functioning adult. No, Namjoon’s heart goes soft as he realizes he’s looking at the eyes of a very scared four year old you. The haunted gaze of an innocent girl who never got told everything would be alright. Even without knowing any more than that, it makes him want to cry.

“No, my sweet girl, it’s not.” Closing his eyes, he presses somber lips to your forehead, scooping you close to shield you— from the world, from yourself, from all the insidious things that took root in you so long ago you’re not even sure how they got in. His wide hands grip you tighter, a feeble attempt to help hold you altogether.

It’s silent then. A few beats of quiet, only disrupted by the clumsy clatter of irreverent raindrops on glass. His caress stays steady against your soft sleeves, his languid fingers perpetually in motion as he attempts to soothe the wounds that sit just beneath your skin.

You look up at him again, unsure what you’ll find.

You almost cry when you see the gentleness in his eyes. No judgment anywhere within them. Just something kind that stretches into the lines his eyes carve as he smiles. How you itch to gently peel his horn rimmed glasses off the tip of his button nose and kiss it. Bless him.

God, you don’t know why he’s so nice to you, but you’re so glad that he is. The smile you give back to him is wobbly, trembly, poorly constructed— but so so sincere that it makes your sad eyes shine. He bumps your nose with his, burying himself against your forehead as you cocoon into him.

You want to ask him what he’s reading, listen intently to him as he tells you all about it, but you know you can’t. You can’t decipher anything today. It all feels too heavy. You can’t carry the weight of anything new with hands already full. At this point, you’ve lived in this soft hoodie of his , the one you stole after his tour two years back because it smelled like him, for the past 3 days. You don’t even have the energy to change. With that kind of retention rate, seems there’s no point in asking your brilliant professor to explain anything.

Still, it’s always so nice to hear his voice. Especially with your ear to his chest like this.

So you ask anyway.

“Will you read to me, Joonie? Life always feels better when you’re reading.” You press your face deep into the copper of his neck, an open mouthed kiss placed against his pulse.

“It’s all kind of theoretical,” he chuckles. He’s bashful. If holding you weren’t occupying his hands, you know they’d be nervously fiddling with the back of his neck. A nerdy boy with a too big brain hesitant to share his discoveries.

“Is it good though? You’ve already read Jung to me, and I stayed awake through that. I think I deserve more credit.” You poke his throat with your nose. You’re not genuinely affronted, it’s just nice to remind him you're competent too. Sometimes.

His sweet chuckle then is earthy and rich, all dark molasses. “True. You actually gave pretty good feedback for that too. Fine. Didn’t mean to underestimate you. Just… bear with me if it feels odd? I haven't read it before. I can’t vouch for it all yet.”

“Fine by me. I’m just here for the cuddles and my Kim Namjoon audiobook.”

He can feel your smile against his skin. It makes him press you just that extra little bit tighter against him, exhaling soft through his nose when he feels you return the gesture.

Scooping up his paperback, he adjusts his glasses where they’ve slipped down his nose, clearing his throat to project like the narrator he claims he’s not but loves to be. He’s quiet for a few more beats. You can hear pages rustling as you sink against his skin. You imagine he must be trying to find where he was when you interrupted, or perhaps searching for a passage that seems apropos. Which he chooses, you don’t know, but you can feel when he settles, just before his caramel voice sweetens the thin air of the room.

“It's the same with the wound in our hearts,” he begins. “ We need to give them our attention so that they can heal. Otherwise the wounds continue to cause us pain. Sometimes for a very long time. We're all going to get hurt. But here's the trick - they also serve an amazing purpose.

When our hearts are wounded that's when they open. We grow through pain. We grow through difficult situations. That's why you have to embrace each and every difficult thing in your life.”

You aren’t sure when your eyes opened, not sure when they began to glaze over or when you started to cry. But you did. And you are. The salty things dripping down against Namjoon’s silken skin. Your sweatered knuckles try to knock them away, but to no avail. Your cheeks are still a wet mess and now his collarbone is too.

“Joon, what is this? What are you reading?”

“Oh… um, it’s— terribly long title but— Into the Magic Shop: A Neurosurgeon's Quest to Discover the Mysteries of the Brain and the Secrets of the Heart. Isn't that a mouthful?” his laugh is self deprecating, small, but still the most beautiful sound.

God, you hate how sensitive and soft you are right now. You don’t want to be sitting here at 4pm in your boyfriend’s lap crying over a paragraph in a book you've never even heard of before, but here you are.

“ is that… what the whole book is about ?”

“You know, I don’t know. I haven’t read it all yet. Jackson recommended it, I’m just now getting to it. Why - do you not like it? I can put this down. Read you something else if this is too heavy. You always like the poetry. I can grab that one anthology you like.”

You can feel as he starts to shuffle beneath you, eager to track down new reading material for you, afraid he’s scared you off, when the fluttering weight of your palm tethers him to his spot.

“No, stay. Keep reading. I want to hear the rest.”

You can practically hear him smile. Relieved. Can feel his dimples manifest without even trying. He kisses your hair, tilts your chin up to kiss you too. The complexity of bergamot and black tea making his supple lips even more bewitching than normal. The window in the corner is cracked open, the humidity it leaks in making your skin sticky as you lean against him.

He’s lovely like this. The rain soaked air mixing with his natural scent, a broad hand on your chin, warm thumb beneath your lip as you mold pliant into his kiss. He ends it with a peck to your lips, a tap of his nose to your nose, before hoisting you so close against him you just may fuse together.

And he reads. He reads until he’s exhausted. Til the rain has stopped, and you’ve drifted to rest pressed against the skin of his chest.

He folds the book shut once your breathing has stilled, his thumb marking the page as he tips you both to lay down sideways. As he extends his pinprick tingling legs for the first time in ages, you hoist yourself around him in your sleep like a koala, and he chuckles. That’s usually his move.

He kisses your hair then, traipsing fingers tenderly through the escaped bits of it that brush across your cheeks. He wonders if you know how madly in love with you he is. How often he’s wondered what he’d do without you. Today, like most days lately, your light was dim, but still kelvins brighter than anyone else’s.

He sends a silent thank you to whatever deity arranged things in such a way that he can hold you to his chest like this as the daylight saving’s darkness floods his studio office. You seemed so sad today, but he knows it won’t last forever. It’ll pass. It always does. He’ll just hold you until it does. And then some.

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