#there’s just so much to see and I would imagine so many feelings to be felt once you’re inside graceland | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

Visit Blog

Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.

Fun Fact

The most popular pages on Tumblr are about Minecraft, GIFs, and David J. Peterson.

#there’s just so much to see and I would imagine so many feelings to be felt once you’re inside graceland

fragileheartbeats · 2 days

Text

⌗ 𝘈𝘝𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘜𝘙𝘐𝘕𝘌 𝘏𝘊 ⁝ 𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘐 𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘩𝘪𝘮 𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘺𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘦 ( ♱ )

˚꒰♡꒱‧ Hi there! Before you read this, you should know that English is not my first language Hope you enjoy!

Many describe Aventurine as a yandere who would hurt or kidnap his darling, but I can't see it. To me, he would be one of the softest yanderes imaginable. He’s painfully aware of his feelings, knowing they’re unhealthy and twisted. He tries to control them, but it’s never enough. His love for you is too overwhelming, too consuming.

And it hurts. It hurts like a thousand knives piercing his heart, because it's killing him. It hurts because he doesn’t want to harm you, but it also hurts because he can’t bear to be without you. Each day, the struggle between his desire to be near you and his need to protect you from himself tears him apart.

He would do anything to protect you, becoming your shadow, guarding you from every danger—even himself. So, he makes the hardest choice: he avoids you. He stops talking to you, stops smiling at you, stops watching you from afar. It’s a self-imposed exile that tortures him more than any physical pain ever could.

You’re left confused and hurt. Why is he avoiding you? Just weeks ago, he was so sweet, so attentive. You thought maybe—just maybe—he had fallen for someone like you. How foolish. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Your heart aches with the sting of rejection and the bitterness of unfulfilled dreams.

If only you knew... If only you knew how deeply he loves you. He loves you so much that he’s willing to destroy himself rather than see you cry. He loves you so much that he would tear his own heart apart rather than see your smile fade. He knows himself. He knows you. He knows that if he stayed close, he would hurt you. His feelings are a storm, a dangerous maelstrom that could sweep you away.

He knows you’re too precious. He could be a monster. He would be a monster. A monster who feeds on your love and tears. A monster hungry for your body and pain. He knows it. He knows it all. And that knowledge shatters him.

Because he doesn’t want to be a monster. He doesn’t want to hurt you. He wants to be your shining knight, always protecting you, even if you never know it. He dreams of a world where he can hold you without fear, where his love doesn’t come with the risk of destruction.

He would do anything to see your smile, even if it means sacrificing his own. Each time he sees you from a distance, his heart breaks a little more. He whispers your name in the dead of night, a prayer, a lament, a vow to keep you safe. Even if he has to carve out his own heart, he will do it, because your happiness means more to him than his own life.

In the silent agony of his solitude, he watches you move on, believing you’ll find someone better, someone worthy of your love. His heart bleeds with every step you take away from him, but he endures it. He endures it because he loves you too much to let his darkness touch you. And as he fades into the background, he finds a twisted solace in the knowledge that he’s done the right thing, even if it destroys him.

Aventurine's love is a tragic symphony, a beautiful yet sorrowful melody that will never reach your ears. It’s a love that lives in shadows, hidden from the light, forever unseen, forever aching. And as he stands alone, watching over you from afar, he whispers one last promise to the wind:

“I will always love you, even if it means I must disappear. For your happiness, for your safety, I will sacrifice everything. Even myself.”

@ 𝒇𝒓𝒂𝒈𝒊𝒍𝒆𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒔 . 𝐷𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑔𝑖𝑎𝑟𝑖𝑠𝑒, 𝑟𝑒𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑡, 𝑜𝑟 𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑠𝑙𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑦 𝑜𝑓 𝑚𝑦 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑘𝑠 𝑜𝑛 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑜𝑟 𝑎𝑛𝑦 𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑤𝑒𝑏𝑠𝑖𝑡𝑒𝑠.

341 notes · View notes

plumipal · 3 days

Note

I just had a thought- how would Grim and the ramshackle ghosts feel about all the stuff happening to us?

Especially if the yandere(s) are coming over to our dorm too! Would they, depending on the severity of the yandere and their specific actions, range from supporting it cuz yknow reader gets to be happy with someone who treats them well and loves them to concerned because sweetie please get yourself outta there 😭

I can imagine Grim is NOT alright with it and for a multitude of reasons, they are taking away your time with HIM, and once he pays more attention to the bigger picture? Yeah messed up things be occasionally happening that could very well hurt you!! He does not like that!!!

im just imagining Grim being visibly not alright and reader will not have it either when it comes to him, they are a PACKAGE deal and that is that no matter which yandere comes their way 🗣️

we have many people more alright with Grim being reader’s number one priority, or yknow silently(?) wishing it was them, poor Grim and Reader man encountering yandere after yandere 😭

Grim would give us a look if we expressed any sort of romantic interest in any yandere I think lol

‘Pologies if it was too long or ranty, though I am curious who you think would be the most and least alright with this? I imagine Leona and Ace (legally required to bring up Ace he’s my all time fav next to Grim) would NOT like it lmao

.. first off, this is the longest ask ive ever gotten, I gotta just say oml thank you so much????? You, wrote all of this, fpr me?? 🥹🥹🥹💖💖💖 this literally made my week thank you so much bestie 🥹😭 second off, this inspired me to rant too, I hope you enjoy!- (not proofread btw)

So im mainly gonna focus on grim, no offence to ramshackle ghost fans, I just really like the silly little fire-cat/rat/weasel/creature. He was literally our first friend, our first companion (I bet Ace and grim bicker on who was your first).

And oh boy, guy is NOT HAPPY when he sees all these dumbasses vying for your attention and either trying to butter him up with tuna (which will not work on the mighty grim!) or ugnore him completely! Like you stated you and him are a package deal! Get the prefect and get their silly hungry companion!!

Now, grim surely uses his position as your closest companion as a safety net, they can't kill off the closest you have to family in this world! Guess they gotta live with him if they wanna have a life with you.

Ace hates that grim was your friend before him, feeling annoyed whenever he bullied (Juice) Deuce about being friends with you before him only for grim to butt in. Ace isn't too annoyed with grim though, and grim thinks that Ace is one of the better choises of the roster you have, they're both friends after all.

Of course most students in the cast don't liek "sharing" you with grim, especially the more territorial ones. Leona is probably the worst, I mean come on they're both feline looking creatures. With scent being a heavy thing for felines (yes even beastmen dont come at me) Leona is not happy to have his scent on you be muddied by the little rodent (the greatest mage of all, grim). Probably the worst choise since they're just gonna bicker to the end of the world..

Floyd doesn't like this either! Not fair that he has to share!! And with grim no less.. Floyd results in biting you instead of scenting, his chompers being good for nibbling on you. He also has the advantage that grim is sorta afraid of him (honestly who wouldn't be? Especially yan Floyd...).

Kalim tries to brime grim, with anything he could ever think off! Unlimited tuna for grim, and the best there is as well!! Nything grim could ever want on a silver platter, only if grim let's kalim marry you! That alone doesn't sound too bad, but that unsettling horrifying servant that follows Kalim around. He knows what jamil can do, and he sure does NOT want you with that dude!- guy is manipulative and creepy (he would definelty seperate you and grim!-)

Malleus... Malleus scares grim, guys is honestly horrifying. Threatening to curse him into an eternal slumber so he can whisk you away from him, he doesn't want that! You would also get sad id malleus did that, so luckily the possessive dragon had to share (for now...)

Whoever you choose, grim would probably disapprove, guy thinks of you as family (he will never admit that tho). He cares about you, and he is not okay with the invasion of privacy from these teenagers! >:(

I know you didn't ask fpr any drawing or such, but I couldn't help myself sorry 🤭 hope you like my ramblings back at you!

#yandere twst #yandere twisted wonderland #yandere twst art #yandere twisted wonderland art #yandere ace #yandere ace trappola #yandere leona #yandere leona kingscholar #yandere floyd #yandere floyd leech #yandere kalim #yandere kalim al asim #yandere jamil #yandere jamil viper #yandere malleus #yandere malleus draconia #grim being a silly guy #i love grim sm best dude in twst fr

190 notes · View notes

imaybe5tupid · 3 days

Text

On the hidden repressed suburban white emo boy darkness in Laios’ heart

LET ME BE CLEAR: i like Laios, this is not a hate post, his flaws and darker parts of who he is round out his character and make him the character I love. Also this isn’t proper meta or analysis just my literal sleepy off the cuff rambling

I think Laios can be very comfortably summed up as someone who feels he was never indulged and the person he is in the series grew over those scars. I really enjoy how much Laios genuinely has a lot of darkness in his heart his emo-boy ness is really underrated. He canonically thought of (and is implied to sometimes still think of) his bullies (and sometimes people in general) like this

Aside being autistic, well into his 20s Laios really inhabits this very imo teenage mindset/outlook thats a combination of outsider and contrarian (the latter secretly). And the Winged Lion sees this immediately for what it is, this idea of being an alienated outsider due to your unique understanding of the world (I don’t mean Laios thinks hes like a nobel prize winner but more that he has a lot of resentment for how the things he’s interested in are not valued in the way he values them) and the percieved dull conformism of others (eg. his father), and how these feelings of his come from a deliberate (as in i feel hes actively trying to make himself think this as a coping mechanism) lack of intellectual and emotional curiosity about people or things that he’s unable to box into this Different category i.e the grass is always greener (of course in addition to his Traumas). For example monsters obviously, but also his fascination with Toshiro’s foreignness, like the island was probably full of strong cool warrior types but they weren’t so distinctly “exotic” (unfortunate but true 😔, many such cases see Japanism and also ironically cause thats how i hc the toudens, the way scandinavia is weirdly idolised by a great deal of the world, or even the way people will see an indie movie set in like small town absolutely anywhere else in the world from where they are and be like waow so cool and different unlike my LAME hometown imagine that meme of the ships thats like their barbaric practices etc.) and an emblem of this cool different world that he could idealise and escape into. Shuro represents a kind of escapist fantasy for Laios, like in addition to just being (to Laios) This Super Nice Guy Who Always Saves Me And Says Yes To Me And Never Gets Mad, he’s also Nothing Like Those Boors from the village/school/ the military. And he probably dgaf about Rin or like Eastern diaspora in Melini and would say offensive things to them running along the lines of what he said to Lycion (“so you only look different on the outside, nothing is different internally , how disappointing”). Like you can compare Kabru’s curiosity towards people which is driven by a genuine passion for humanity, to Laios’ at times objectifying curiosity toward Shuro which is shaped by the pain of the past and immediately see the sickness in the head Laios has lol. Unconsciously, Laios I think can also be a deeply self-centred guy at his core (evidenced by the nature of his curse at the end of the story too haha).

#I like to avoid posting anything but art on here but this idea i dont have an idea rn to portray it succinctly enough that I could do it #in the short time i usually dedicate to my drawings since I dont like spending too long on anything #just enough to convey my feelings is enough for me #but i was really in my laios feelings earlier #laios touden #dungeon meshi

183 notes · View notes

klttn · 2 days

Note

hii i hope i don’t make too many rq’s (i asked for secretary reader pt. 2 and the recent adam one) but yes alastor x reader!! maybe smthn with painplay and primal stuff if ur comfy writing that?

-🩰

⁺˳✧༚ ˚ 𝓁𝒾𝓉𝓉𝓁𝑒 𝒹𝑜𝑒 ｡⋆୨୧˚

— 𝜗𝜚 alastor x f!reader

ᶻ 𝘇 𐰁 summary : alastor discovers just how raw and animalistic you really like it. nsfw. smut. pain play. primal kink. pred/prey. alastor fucks you in his demon form. deer!reader. size difference.

“you look adorable like this, darling.” alastors voice sounded throughout your hotel room, ears timid and facing down, backed up against a wall, legs weak and trembling, lips parted as you panted heavily, eyes doe like and wide. “so scared and pathetic, so cute.”

“a-al, are you gonna h-hurt me?” your voice barely above a whisper, stuttering from all the nerves. and arousal.

alastor sighed, dragging his claws up your sides and watching intently as your body tried to press into it, a glint of amusement in his eyes. so frightened but her cunt was begging for it. “now now, i believe the question should be, do you want me to hurt you, little fawn?”

your cheeks flushed instinctively, teeth now having a vice grip on your bottom lip, alastor could tell by the look in your eyes that that is exactly what you wanted. the claws running up your sides found theirselves to your hips, pinning them and forcing them further into the wall, a soft yelp leaving your lips as he rose his eyebrows, his actions forcing an answer out of you. “please.”

alastor cooed, he got off on seeing you like this, he was glad only he got to see you like this. the only man that could ever hurt you, fuck you, touch you. the thought of anyone else doing that made him down right murderous.

his claws idly dug harder into the flesh of your hips at the thought of anothers hands on you, drawing a small whimper from you, your hips rolling forward. “so eager,” he mused. “you really do like it when i hurt you, don’t you? when i scare you and have you feeling like my prey?” your head nodded frantically, fear and excitement evident in your eyes. “you are my prey.”

your eyes widened at his words, you needed him so badly, needed him everywhere. loving how much he towered over you, leaving you cowering beneath him. that gave alastor an idea.

alastor hummed to himself, moving one hand and placing his index finger under your chin, hooking and bringing your face closer to his. inches away. “how would my darling girl feel getting taken by her big scary boyfriend in his demon form?” his pupils turning into dials and head tilting as he spoke to reiterate his words. “imagine how pathetic you would turn.”

you felt your pussy flutter and heart throb, mind racing with thoughts of him abusing your body like that. so raw and unfiltered.

alastors voice pulled you from your fantasy. “i’m going to need you to use your words, my doe, or my touch is gone.”

“yes,” you breathed, “please, alastor, i want you, i need you, just take me, please.” an arrogant glint took over his eyes.

“good girl,” alastor grinned.

alastors form grew wide, green accents in the form of crosses spawning on his face, long black whips protruding from his back, his tongue now darting out his mouth, thick, long and dripping with spit, eager to be on you. he looked hungry. like you were a full course meal and he hadn’t eaten in in weeks.

a small squeak left your lips as you felt the blackness wrap around you tightly, lifting you and placing you roughly on the large bed in the centre of the room. him wasting no time in spreading you out for him, loving the way you writhed at his touch. “it’s so adorable when you fight back.” alastor mocked in his static like voice.

the more you struggled, the harsher the grip he had on you became, “i don’t know why you persist on going against this,. just look at you little doe, so weak and dainty, i’ll break you if im not too careful,” he keened, “but you don’t want that do you? you want me to wreck this pretty little body of yours, ruin it so no other will have you like i do.”

a soft mewl escaped you, skin flushing pink, pussy dripping, eagerly awaiting more. “can’t help it!”

“no?” alastor chuckled. “such a dirty girl. can’t fight the pathetic urge to submit your cute cunt to me, need to be hurt and towered over, just to get off.” alastors hands moved to free your tits from their confines. “only i get to treat you like this.” he breathed in deeply. “you are my prey, little doe.”

your eyes rolled back. in the midst of alastors possessive ramble, his fingers traced their way to your core, ripping all the fabric in their wake, leaving you on show for him. the harshness of his form above you making you feel so small. you felt two clawed digits press their way inside your aching pussy. a moan of relief and pleasure coursing through your body.

it was primal. everything alastor was feeling. he just wanted to hurt you, be mean to you and treasure you like the adorable fawn you are.

just as fast as his fingers were in, they came out, slick coating them, glistening and dripping down his hand. alastoes tongue flicked out to lap up the mess you made, bliss covering his face as he did so. it was sinful. the sight of him causing you to whine and buck your hips in protest. the pleasure taken away just as easily as it was given.

“patience, darling girl.” alastors voice stern, not liking your disobedience, leaving a bruising hand print on your thigh as a warning. that only got you off more. “promise me you won’t scream too loud when i split you open.”

your head tilted as his hands found your hips again, this time taking over your entire torso with their size. the dynamic comparable to a cat with a mouse. your cunt fluttered at him, begging for him to just use you. so he did.

he used the whips of his powers to lift and spread your legs above your head and with a rough slam of his hips, he was in and bottomed out with one singular thrust, pelvis flush against the backs of your thighs, balls resting on your ass.

the adorable yelp that left your lips was like music to his ears, seeing your eyes squeeze tightly and your thighs instinctively close over your chest, knees bent and tip toes resting on alastors chest. “h-hurts,” you stutter, unable to do much else.

“i know, darling, i know.” alastor feigned sympathy, “but you can take it can’t you?” you shook your head, mumbling about it being too much. “this is what you need, this is what you want, it’s not too much unless i say it’s too much.”

alastor pulled out until just the tip was in, holding for merely a second before slamming back down again, tightness of your pussy, squeezing such lewd groans out of him. “i think you can do better than that, need to stretch you out a little more don’t we?” your mind was elsewhere unable to focus with being so full. “don’t we?” he asked again, quick thrust pulling a response from you.

“yes!” you whimpered.

alastor tutted and thrust his hips once more, “not good enough, darling.” another bruising grip being left to your hips.

the action had you keening, “more, please, more, stretch me out n use me please, just please i can’t take it anymore!”

bingo. that’s exactly what alastor wanted to hear. he loved it when you begged. almost as much as he loved it when you squealed such pretty noises when he fucked you. just like you were about to be doing.

his hips started thrusting but this time there was no stopping, loud smacking noises resonating with the sounds of your slick dripping down your thighs.

alastor became animalistic now he was fucking you. all cares for anything but feeling your cunt had gone. he didn’t care about anything but feasting on his prey and that’s what he was going to do. “fuck,” alastor cursed. the hold he had on you was deadly, you couldn’t move or squirm and the long whips wrapped around you dug into your skin like rope, soft flesh pudging over them, red marks already starting to be seen in their wake as they shifted.

“hurts so good,” you cried, beginning to pant, chest heaving and and back arching as best it could in your restraints. “more more more.”

one of alastors hands came up to cover your mouth, more like your entire face with how big he was compared to you. the other now roughly massaging the flesh of your tits. “my prey doesn’t talk back to me.” he muttered, “no matter how pretty the words coming out of her are.” of course he loved the cute whines of desperation you made but right now all he wanted was to feel you, feel himself abusing your insides.

it wasn’t long before you felt your climax building, rushing through you and taking over. it was hard not to when you were getting everything you wanted. the size difference and animalistic nature of it all driving you, spurring you closer and closer. you tried to warn alastor but to no avail. you couldn’t move or verbally warn him, the only sign he got was your cum rushing over his cock and spilling out of you.

“ah, ah, ah. did i say you could cum?” you shook your head underneath his hands. “silly deer.” his pace never stopping. “guess i’m going to have to keep this up for twice as long to teach you a lesson.” it was almost a chuckle with how it came out. “i’m not hearing any complaints, but then again, you’re that helpless right now that you can’t do anything but listen to me can you little doe?.” he was so condescending with his words. you loved it.

alastors grip over your mouth shifted, releasing the cute noises from your lips that drove him insane. he moved them to stroke your hair, then running over to your soft fluffy ears, a scared flinch making you shiver underneath him. that scared look he loved so much. “so adorable, if it was up to me, this is how you’d be permanently.”

a choked sob fell from your lips in the midst of your whines. you looked so pretty right now. his doe, filled to the brim, tied up in his whips, crying for him, mewling and moaning for him, fully submitting to every word he said. oh how he loved this. how he loved you.

he came down and placed a gentle kiss to your forehead, the softest thing he’d done tonight, before whispering into your ear, “remember, you asked for this.”

A/N : this is the most unhinged thing i have ever written… i hope you like it!!

135 notes · View notes

notmyneighbor · 2 days

Text

r&d | yog sothoth x female reader

words | 2.8k

tnmn nightmare mode, human experimentation, science fiction, human/vampire relationship, evil dr. w. afton, eventual explicit content, none in this chapter

ao3 link

When you first hear about the new program being offered by your employer, you’re more than a little hesitant.

It’s marketed as a way to help door guardians like yourself decompress after the rigors of screening so many doppelgangers, but you’re wary of the attached disclaimer that your sessions will be monitored and recorded ‘to further aid future candidates.’ It all feels a little too intrusive and boundary crossing for your liking, so it’s a fast decline from you—until you’re offered the extra incentive of a bonus check to sweeten the deal. Money talks, and the promised amount is practically screaming your name. In the end, you volunteer to be one of the pioneers in the study.

That’s how you find yourself in a room that looks more like a doctor’s office than the therapist’s cozy space you’d been expecting, the comfortable couch you’d imagined replaced with a chair that bears a resemblance to a dentist’s contraption more than anything else. Those misgivings and doubts are kicking in again, but then your mind argues back that there’s a good chunk of funds waiting for you at the end of this, so surely it’s not too much of a hardship to bear.

You’re more than a little surprised to see a familiar face after the receptionist guides you to the chair and leaves you to your fate. It’s one of the residents of the building you guard. That engaged physicist that lives on the third floor, W. Afton. You’ve always thought it odd that his first name isn’t revealed on any of his identification paperwork—everything on file only had his first initial listed.

He enters the room briskly, carrying a clipboard and a black case. He closes the door and sets the latter item down on the counter, then settles onto the wheeled stool nearby. You suddenly have the distinct, uncomfortable feeling that this is more of a medical program than a psychiatric one.

You lean forward, your bare arms sticking unpleasantly to the vinyl cushioning beneath you. “Dr. Afton? I think there’s been some misunderstanding. I’m going to just—”

He waves a hand in the air to interrupt you, scrawling something on the clipboard resting on his thighs before his head lifts. The way the fluorescent lighting touches his glasses temporarily obscures his eyes from sight. “Nonsense. You’ve agreed to participate. This is where you’re meant to be.”

“Um, with all due respect, I was led to believe this was a psychiatric program? Aren’t you a physicist?”

“My expertise lies in research, and that’s precisely what you’ve agreed to help the DDD with. You might as well sit back and get comfortable. I’m going to ask you a series of questions, and I want you to answer them to the best of your ability. The truth, mind you; not what you think you should say or what you think I want to hear.”

You shift in your seat, glancing at the closed door and licking your lips nervously. “Are we being monitored? The literature said we would be.”

He lifts a finger and points to the corner of two intersecting walls and you realize there is a camera there. “Visual only, no audio. As promised, this is being kept confidential to assure accuracy and no bias. You can confide in me with confidence.” His lips twitch in an almost smile. His eyeglasses slide down the bridge of his nose slightly and you see slate gray eyes regarding you, until he shoves them back into place and rakes back a tendril of dark hair that’s fallen across his forehead.

“Um…” Something about this is definitely off. A lot of somethings. “Would you mind showing me your documents first, so I can verify it’s really you?”

“Of course it’s really me. How else do you think I got inside this facility? This isn’t one of those wretched downtown apartments,” he says. You’re living in one of those so called wretched downtown apartments, you want to retort, but you bite your tongue. “Still, I suppose that’s what you’re accustomed to. A lingering sort of paranoia about verifying human identity,” he mumbles to himself, writing on the paper in his lap again. “Fine. I’ll humor you, just this once. Just to make you feel a little more comfortable.” He sets the pen and clipboard down and walks to your seat, digging in his pants pocket for a leather billfold. The doctor extracts his identification card and hands it to you. “I trust I don’t need to submit an entry request as well?”

You’d never spoken much to the man, in your tenure as doorman, and you’re beginning to see why. He’s unfriendly and borderline rude. You can feel the impatience and irritation wafting from him. What did Mia, the schoolteacher he is engaged to, see in him? She’s so cheerful and kind. Opposites attract, maybe.

“It looks okay,” you mumble, handing the card back to Afton. He tucks it inside his wallet and the accessory vanishes back into his pocket. “I trust you’re satisfied? Or is there some other protocol you feel you need to follow?”

“No, you’re fine.” You feel your cheeks flushing at his condescending demeanor.

“As I’ve said already.” The soles of his polished dress shoes click loudly on the linoleum as he returns to his seat, retrieving the clipboard and writing utensil again. “Now then, shall we begin? We’re wasting valuable company time.”

“Yes.”

“Good. First question. Have you ever mistakenly misidentified a doppelganger? Or a human?”

“No to both.” It was true. Your track record, thus far, has been impeccable.

A grunt and another mark on the paper. “Have any of the doppelgangers ever threatened violence?”

“A few. Mainly once they’ve been called out.”

“Did any of them ever try to bribe you to gain entry?”

“No. I did have one promise to fully reveal himself if I let him in, and he also stated I must not like my neighbors that much, so it wouldn’t matter if I let him in anyway.”

Afton pauses, his pen freezing mid stroke. “How do you think he arrived at that conclusion? That you did not care for your neighbors? Did you have much discourse with him prior to this?”

“No. No more than the usual standard greeting. He remembered to show his card and his entry request, and they were a perfect forgery, but he wasn’t on the day’s list of expected entrants.”

“Is that when the doppel revealed himself?”

“Yes.”

“Were you frightened?”

“Of course. But the barrier is there as soon as I sound the alarm. And the DDD cleaners always come right away.”

Some more writing follows this. Afton presses on the metal at the top of the board to release the pages and turns the top one over, releasing the spring and snapping the holder back into place. “Do you ever have trouble sleeping at night?”

You shrug. “Sometimes.”

“Do you find yourself thinking about your job, even when you are off duty?”

“I guess so.”

The physicist’s lips press in a thin line. “Keep your responses to definitive yes or no answers, please.” He jerks on the tail end of his necktie to straighten it. It is a deep shade of eggplant today.

“Yes,” you say, knowing your tone is definitely a little sharp, but you’re unable to help it. You’ve been on edge ever since the man walked into the room.

“What sorts of things do you think about?”

“Wondering if I made all the right decisions. What the next day will bring. What would happen if the doppels got better at disguising themselves and blending in. Where they come from in the first place.”

Afton taps the end of the pen against the paper thoughtfully. “Do you think that will happen? That they’ll eventually be successful? That you’ll make the wrong decision?”

“I hope not. But yes, it’s a concern of mine.”

“A fear, too, wouldn’t you say?”

“I suppose so.” He glares at you. “Yes,” you clarify, gritting your teeth.

“I see.” He writes briefly and then sets the items back on the counter, this time reaching for the black case as he rises. His back blocks the contents from view.

“So now what happens?”

“You’ve fulfilled your end of the bargain, so now it’s time we fulfilled ours. Providing an outlet for these pent up fears of yours.”

“Which means?”

Lightning fast, Afton slips something into his lab coat pocket. He turns to face you, and the smile he has is nothing short of sinister, a kind of rictus, as if he is one of the doppels, trying the motion out without understanding its purpose.

“You’re finally going to get caught up on some of that sleep you’ve been missing. You know, because you’ve been so worried about the doppelgangers.”

“I didn’t say—”

“Now, now. None of that. It’s too late to change your answers. It’s all been documented.” Almost casually he reaches out to rest a hand on the arm of your chair and you hear a clicking sound. In the blink of an eye twin metal bands snap over your wrists.

“What the fuck?!” You struggle against the restraints, your heels flailing and digging in uselessly as your squirm, trying to escape. “Let me go!”

“You agreed to this, remember?”

“To be restrained? No way. Get me out of this thing right now.”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that just yet. One more step to go.” His voice is so calm, so placid. He’s making it sound as if this is the most normal thing in the world. His hand disappears into his coat pocket and you finally see what he’d hidden there earlier: a syringe with some eerie glowing fluid. “You’re going to want to hold still for this. It would be so unfortunate if I missed and had to puncture your skin more than once.” He does not look the least bit remorseful. Instead, there is a look of almost glee on his normally solemn features. Excitement. He’s enjoying this.

“You can’t inject me with that! I don’t consent! Help!”

“You’re wasting your breath. Sound proof room. Confidential, remember? As I told you earlier. And you did consent. We have your signature on file. A legally binding contract.” His fingers curl around your elbow, turning the joint slightly so he has access to the larger vein in the hollow of your upper extremity,

“This can’t possibly be legal. You’re not a medical doctor! You don’t even know how to give an injection!

”Do you think the doppels are the only ones who know how to forge an ID?” His voice is a low, sultry rasp. Gloating, now.

You gape at him. “What the…who are you?”

“The name is real enough. I suppose we’re better acquainted now, so you can learn my first name. Not that you’ll remember any of this later. It’s William.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Because it’s what I do. My job. Seeing this through. Experimenting. Research. Enough chatter.” You feel the tip of the needle laid against your skin and you instantly freeze, holding your breath.

“Please, stop, William,” you implore gently, hoping this approach might prove more effective than yelling and struggling, knowing all the same it’s a futile attempt.

Afton’s gray eyes meet yours. “Sweet dreams. See you when you get back.” Pain. Heat inside your arm, then liquid ice.

Darkness.

***

The first thing you smell is brimstone.

You’re not even sure how you recognize that scent. Your eyes open and you find yourself in the security booth you work in every day.

But it’s different.

Four eyes, one at each corner of the window, stare back at you, following your hand movements. The walls are spattered with blood. The papers and files are crumpled and stained. There’s an ominous looking fluid dripping from the air vent. The handle of the phone looks like it’s coated in some unpleasant substance. There are holes in the plaster and some of the wiring for the door panel control is exposed, the ends fraying. You shudder and the eyes follow this motion too, ever attentive.

A tapping sound draws your attention back to the window.

You have a prospective entrant outside the glass, their hand resting on that clear panel, which has several spidery cracks, you notice with a growing sense of alarm. There are claws clicking on that smudged surface that needed to be wiped down with ammonia desperately, the owner bearing a strong resemblance to the man you know as Francis Mosses.

Alike in some ways, such as the general build and facial structure, but different, too. These eyes are golden and red rimmed. He has pierced ears, silver spikes driven into each. A gold nose ring. A choker with spikes to match the earrings, with a padlock dangling from his throat. Whereas the milkman always wears a white uniform, this figure is clad in a black dress shirt with some suspicious stains on his left chest. There are also a pair of fangs poking from the barrier of his lips, and your first immediate thought is that this pale figure is a vampire.

Ludicrous, right? But then again, is it any more wild than the eyes that are watching you from the window frame, the obviously trippy effects of whatever junk Afton has injected you with taking hold, making you have this strange nightmare?

The figure slides an ID card and entry request into the slot and you want to laugh at that mundane formality. As if you’re going to let a bloodsucker in. Yes, see, it says it right there on his paperwork. He went out to suck blood. Vampire.

“You’re new, human.”

Your eyes flick up to the creature’s face. “Have there been many others here?”

“A few.” He nods towards the room you’re standing inside. “You gonna hit the buzzer and let me in?”

“I…” You glance down at his name. Yog Sothoth. He lives in a different apartment than Francis. A different floor entirely, if these documents are accurate. “This is just a bad dream. It has to be. None of this is real.”

“It’s real. That DDD from your world found a way to create a portal here. Drugged you and sent you through it, just like the others.”

You frown. “It says here astral plane? What does that mean?”

“Exactly what it says on the label. You’re in an alternate realm that can only be reached through spiritual transcendence. In short, your mind is here, your body elsewhere. At least, I think that’s how it works.”

“This is crazy.” You pause. “What happened to the others? The humans who got here before me?”

“I couldn’t tell you. They disappear fairly quickly. Not sure who’s responsible. It wasn’t me,” he adds quickly. “If that’s what you’re thinking. I just take a little at a time. And I don’t discriminate. Blood is blood, though I must say your species is a lot cleaner than some of the other riffraff around here.”

“If it’s only your mind that’s here, why do you need to feed at all?”

“Mmm, doesn’t work that way. Me and the other residents, we are actually, physically here. It’s just you humans that are straddling both worlds.”

“I do have a physical form here, though. I can interact with things.” You lift up Yog’s entry request to demonstrate. “This makes no sense.”

The vampire shrugs. “I don’t make the rules, I just exist by them. So, am I good to come in?”

“There are really doppels here, too?”

“Unfortunately, yes.”

“How do I get back home?”

“I don’t know, exactly. Maybe the DDD will bring you back when the experiment or whatever the hell they’re doing is over? The other humans I spoke with seemed as in the dark about it as you are.”

“The DDD,” you murmur darkly. You’ve been proud to work for them. Glad to be able to help your fellow neighbors. Now, though? You hardly know what to think.

“Not sure which is worse, to be honest.”

You grunt in agreement. Afton had said something about seeing you when you got back, so you have to believe that there will actually be a return trip. There didn’t seem to be much purpose behind just sending you along one way and then not gaining any knowledge from that venture. He’d also mentioned you wouldn't remember what had happened in the office with him, which also makes you wonder: are you doomed to just keep repeating this experiment? Unwittingly participating because you’ll have no recollection of the DDD’s seeming betrayal? What was the point of any of this? You slide Yog’s things back to him, forcing yourself to focus on the creature standing across from you. “You’re chattier than Francis.”

“Francis?”

“The human that looks like you in my world. You seem like you’re a good person like he is. Maybe that’s the same in every universe.” You push the button to release the lock on the door. “I guess I might as well let you in.”

The bloodsucker hesitates. “I hope you make it back home safely. If I don’t see you tomorrow, it was a pleasure to meet you.”

“Likewise.”

You lock the door behind him.

#yog sothoth #thats not my neighbor #francis mosses #that’s not my neighbor #dr w afton #tnmn fanfic #tnmn nightmare mode #yog sothoth x reader

89 notes · View notes

blckbrrybasket · 2 days

Text

Good Luck, Babe.

Robin Buckley x Fem!Lesbian!Reader

ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 10k

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: no use of y/n, mentions of sex, underage drinking/smoking, fluff, angst, jealousy, allusions to a physical fight, reader is in denial, wingman Steve, childhood friends to strangers to lovers

ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: Robin and you have been best friends since you were kids. You offer to help her learn how to kiss…looking back on it now, there was no way you could have had a different ending.

Inspired by Good Luck, Babe by Chappell Roan

Knowing Robin was a privilege. So many people mischaracterized her as a weird band kid, and she was, but she was also so much more than that. She was the girl who wished she was older to be free, who stared mindlessly at the ceiling when she was bored, and the girl who stubbornly slept through her growing pains to ignore them. Maybe it was just you who looked deeper and for that, you couldn’t understand why anyone wouldn’t want to know her profoundly. For some inexplicable reason, you wanted to know her inside and out. Maybe that was why you had offered to help her practice kissing.

“It’s for whatever guy you’re interested in!” Robin snorted in incredulousness, “I am not interested in a guy.” How true of a statement that was. You groaned and shook her shoulders. “Okay! Then whoever you eventually like will be thanking me one day after we teach each other how to kiss.” Robin paused with a surprised expression, eyebrows sliding up her forehead. Holy shit, you were serious. Not kind of serious, still second-guessing serious, but one hundred percent wanting it serious.

She scoffed and turned her nose up. “I think you mean your future bachelors will be thanking me.” Falling back on banter was her only move to pretend she wasn’t as nervous as she was. “Robin!” You snapped back only to watch her fall back against your carpet laughing. Shushing her, you laid back against the floor to look at her. Once her slightly nervous giggling died down she shyly nodded. “Yeah, okay. Do you use tongue though?” Robin wrinkled her nose at her own inquiry. She’d heard girls talk about it before but she couldn’t see the appeal. “It sounds like it would feel gross.”

“Like a wet..snake slithering-” “Ew! No!” You pushed Robin away, careful not to knock over your fort, as you sat up. She snickered and mirrored your position, knees pressed together as you sat in front of each other. “It’s…nice.” You imagined. You had only kissed one person with tongue. David had just barely grazed your tongue with his when he’d grown too eager and immediately jammed his tongue into your mouth. You had to resist grimacing at the memory, hand fiddling unsurely with the flap of the makeshift red tent you sat in. “It feels good,” you tried to reaffirm. Robin tilted her head in curiosity. “So how do we do it?”

An age-old question that apparently nobody had the answers for. “You just kind of do. Don’t worry about it, you’ll know when you’re doing it right.” Creeping closer to when you’d be kissing her you felt the need to sit up straighter and run a hand through your hair, shit did you brush your teeth recently? The thoughts were knocked out of your head once Robin leaned in closer, a hand bracketing your cheek like she had seen in the movies.

Most people would have been nasty or blatantly disliked her, but you never did. You always saw her for who she was. Robin was thankful she had such a good best friend, yet she was unsure as to why the word ‘friend’ hurt her to say. Feeling the high of her emotions for you she leaned in. It wasn’t enough to dismiss her second thoughts, although your lips brushing against hers automatically shut her brain up. Her eyelids fluttered shut as she pressed forward to slide your lips completely together. Unlike seeing the couples on screen or imagining kissing a boy this felt right.

Robin remembers how her cheeks burned after you had kissed. If only you’d known how deeply her heart beat for you. It was a kiss or two, but it was enough to seal you in her heart. Unfortunately, the perfect bubble of that night would pop and become a memory after you two had grown apart.

Despite popular belief (Steve’s belief), the kiss wasn’t what caused you to become distant. You made no move to come out though. Hell, you didn’t even know yet. It was hard to decipher why you liked boys unless they gave you attention back. You never felt like that with Robin, but how could you? She was Robin Buckley. You were sure you would love her forever but that was what made it scary. That may have been a part of why you two weren’t as close anymore, but not a majority of the reason. She got new friends and so did you. Childhood best friends grow older and become different people, it happens all the time.

But Robin couldn’t let you go, so she held on for as long as she could. You tried your best to delay the inevitable, but you two were worlds revolving in different solar systems, so you watched each other's lives from afar. It was a weary dance, knowing you couldn’t stop the change. Robin felt the same, having seen you grow before her eyes. She loved how you used to go to parties to just hang out with her. She also remembered when that began to change, how you were invited to go play games, happily pulling Robin along. You hadn’t noticed the expressions on your new friends' faces. You didn’t realize that they didn't want Robin there, but she had. She always knew.

It was clear you were trying to not get drunk tonight. Neither you nor Robin tried to get inebriated when you attended sleepaway camp. Being older now meant most kids your age snuck out to play games and drink, but it never appealed to you. Nights like those were reserved for the sleepovers you had together. So it was another night where you stayed glued to Robin’s hip, sipping at a concoction that no doubt held more mixer than actual alcohol. What you didn’t expect was for Vicki to flounce over and beg you to join the circle for seven minutes in heaven. You never got invited to those sorts of games. One of your hands was pulled into Vicki’s, Robin’s eye twitching at the action.

As always though you looked to Robin first. “Come on Robs, it could be fun!” Robin scrunched her nose up before sighing heavily and sliding her hand into your outstretched one. She wished she hadn’t agreed to do this. A part of her brain screamed to leave as soon as she took your hand, but the other part of her wanted to go along with it. The moment you sat side by side she could feel eyes on her that weren’t yours. She imagined you could feel it too with how you hesitantly released her hand.

Robin’s shoulders raised, trying to shrink into herself more as she leaned back. Who was she kidding being here? She burned holes into the carpet while she zoned out, only partially paying attention to the music playing. It was easy to pretend she didn’t care when she didn’t have to look at you. One by one people had their turns when the bottle was finally passed to you. Instantly Robin’s eyes rose to watch you through the pieces of hair that fell into her face. She could tell you were nervous. The small shake of your hand gave you away. Robin would bet a million dollars that nobody else noticed your patterns like she did. That fact didn’t stop the bottle from landing on your ex David.

From what she knew he had not been a good boyfriend to you or any girl he dated. He didn’t try. Sure, she knew it was seven minutes in heaven and not dating but it couldn’t stop her from wanting to remind you how badly he sucked. A vicious feeling churned in her gut as she saw him help you up. It continued to boil within her once David held open the closet door for you. The slow shutting of it felt like a countdown till she inevitably shot up from her seat.

There was nobody she had to make an excuse for why she was leaving, she simply grabbed her bag and left for your shared cabin. No one batted an eye. Of course, she wouldn’t know how you awkwardly sat in the closet, not wanting to kiss him. You knew if you kissed him it wouldn’t feel like what it did when you kissed Robin. It was one of the first times you could remember being so scared about your sexuality.

That was also the first time Robin had been so jealous about who you hung out with. She wished she was a better person who didn’t care about what you did. It didn't affect her, so why did it? If she had dwelled on it further perhaps she’d remembered the hasty kisses you exchanged when wine drunk at sleepovers. How pretty you looked when you were splayed out on her bed, pulling her closer as you cuddled to sleep off the drinks. But by the time the sun rose neither of you would remember what happened on nights like those. So reasons continued to pile up for why you pretended you were someone different and reasons for why Robin grew more possessive.

You felt like a fraud. Did you even have a reason to feel like that? No one else in your life questioned you, except Robin was anything but thorough. You could see the look in her eyes. You knew she was questioning things. Unlike her, you didn’t want to know. The world wasn’t built for people like you, so you settled on becoming someone else. However, Robin could always tell when you were switching to a different personality. The first thing she noticed was that you smiled less when you were around new friends and that you did everything in your power to subtly avoid guys approaching you. There were two reasons why that was; A. you were a lesbian or B. you’re dating David.

Robin chewed noisily on her banana runts that were more than likely damaging her teeth. “So you and David..?” She hadn’t stopped thinking about that night. When you had come back from the closet to discover her gone you had been immediately worried, going to your cabin right after. Your voice floating up to Robin’s top bunk did little to calm her nerves when she admitted she wasn’t feeling fine. She never wanted to lie, but if you believed she was sick she wouldn’t say otherwise. It had blown over rather quickly when you saw no need to press further. Robin, however, couldn’t stop thinking about what might’ve happened that night and what was to come from it.

“Ugh, no,” Came your fast retort. “It’s not like that! He’s just…nice.” Was that possibly the best thing you could come up with? To be fair, it wasn’t like he was much more than that. Fling or no fling he would never have a long-lasting impression on your life. When you were seventy and living with Robin and your pets you wouldn’t think back to him. He was fleeting. “So there’s no guy..or girl?” Robin wanted to include the latter to see if you would say anything about it. No one had ever claimed she was sneaky.

You huffed out a breath and shook your head. “Dunno why you’re so invested, didn’t you say you didn’t want to imagine me in a relationship?” Robin flushed. “Well yeah! I don’t want to know when you’re kissing other people!” Neither of you picked up on her mistake. “Okay, then don’t ask!” You teased, but there was more to it. You didn’t want to tell her about your romantic endeavors. There wasn’t a sure explanation as to why, but you knew for sure you didn’t want her speculating who you were with.

However, Robin wanted more answers. She always did. All the Nancy Drew novels she read as a kid always got the best of her. But she also knew there was more to it than that. She saw what you were covering up, it was the same thing she did when you hugged her. Trying to still your beating heart. You were one and the same and yet neither of you would take the leap to admit it for a long time.

Robin had gotten there first. After another year going by of secret glances and steering clear of the Victoria’s Secret catalog. It was like the models could feel her looking! Aside from that, things had been going smoothly. She was beginning to figure herself out and she loved who she was. Robin wanted you to love who she had become as well. You were the obvious choice to come out to first. Okay, you weren’t as close as you had once been, but you still saw each other often! If anyone were to understand it would be you. You knew Robin the longest out of everyone in her life, besides her parents. Unfortunately, the day she planned to tell you, your family was hosting a soirée that foiled her plans.

It was supposedly a small get-together with a few tens more people than you expected. The only good thing to come from the crowd was that the home bar was open. You could easily sneak behind the counter, remembering how you and Robin used to. Was she coming tonight? Thinking on it briefly you turned and ducked behind the counter, grabbing a bottle. It wasn't a second later when someone called your name scoldingly. You jumped with a start only to hit your head on the edge of the cabinets. “Oh shit,” Robin gasped.

“Robin! You ass!” You hissed and grabbed her hand to pull you up off the ground. Robin stifled a laugh, dodging your swipe at her, guiding the bottle in your hand to the counter. It was all in good fun how Robin slashed her other hand out to grab your side. The jabs only pulled more giggles from you before you grabbed Robin’s waist and pulled her entirely behind the counter. “Come on! I was going to- oh hey, Tommy.” You leaned against the counter, acting innocent. “Hey ladies, I heard some noise down here. You alright?”

From the way his eyes only stayed on you, it was clear that he was only checking on you. Trying not to cringe at his opener you nodded. “We’re fine, Thomas. You can be on your way now.” He frowned, almost the pout of a petulant child. Like most boys his age, he was not used to being shut down. “And if I want a drink?” Tommy smirked and moved to lean against the counter. Your lips sucked in, pulling into a straight line. “There’s drinks in the kitchen. I think you’ll manage.” To cement your point you pointed your finger towards the kitchen before shooing him away.

Robin stifled a laugh at him stomping away. “What? You didn’t like him?” She joked, leaning on the countertop beside you. “God no. Him? I don’t like boys.” The admission slipped out without the logical part of your brain thinking. You hadn’t ever focused on that fleeting thought, purposefully ignoring it. The slip-up didn’t go unnoticed though, your body becoming rigid. “I-I like men,” you coughed out. “You know, not boys. They’re too immature.” A nervous laugh escaped your lips as you attempted to cover up. “You can tell me.” Robin returned.

It was an olive branch, a hope that you would take it and tell her what plagued you. Naturally, that didn’t happen. “There’s nothing to tell.” As if you could read Robin’s mind you continued on. “I’m straight.” The finality in your tone was overlooked by Robin. “I would never judge you. You know that right?” You sighed heavily and glanced at her. “That’s great Robin, but I’m straight. I don’t know what to tell you. I could kiss any girl and feel no different.” It was a challenge you felt Robin would be forced to turn down. Surely she wouldn’t step up to it.

Little did she know that you were projecting and suppressing how you felt, which was the complete opposite. Nevertheless, at seventeen neither of you knew when to quit. “Then do it.” Robin retorted. You scoffed and raised an eyebrow at her. “You seriously want to see me kiss a girl?” Robin jutted her chin out and nodded. “Fine. Kiss me, it’s not like we haven’t already.” The room felt tilted at your dare. You couldn’t be serious, but the glint in your eye told Robin you were.

This couldn’t end well. Anyone could have told you that and the both of you would have still gone through with it. You both knew it was different now. You were grown up with no excuses as to why this would happen and yet here the two of you stood playing into the dangerous game. “Okay.” You appeared staggered and Robin smirked at you, flicking your arm. “Like you said, dingus, we already have.” Nodding shyly you stepped up to Robin, toe to toe, you rolled your eyes with a smile. “Alright Buckley, try to woo me.” In any other atmosphere, she would have cackled, instead she lightly grabbed your waist and leaned in. She had waited too long to beat around this anymore.

Lucky for her and you, no one walked in. They continued to avoid the room as Robin kissed you softly. The year or so gone by had certainly made a difference in how her lips knew how to move against yours. Your gasp was swallowed by her, your lips moving slowly. How desperately you wanted to bury your hands in her hair and kiss her till her lips swelled. The thought alone is what snapped you out of your fantasy. As you hastily pulled away Robin sighed and ducked her head. She knew it was coming, she knew it was a dumb decision to fall for her straight best friend. “Did I woo you?” She joked.

“Mhm,” you winked. “Enough for me to take a shot.” It was no more than a joke, but Robin could see how the light in your eyes had dimmed. “What are you doing?” Robin whispered. It hurt her to see you like this. No matter how much you tried to hide she would always find out eventually. She knew it wasn't the first or last time you would do something like this. Melancholy pulled at her heart as she studied you. How long would this last, if it ever stopped? “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m taking a shot.”

Your tone was too cheery for the grim look on your face. “Seriously?” Robin countered. Deep down she knew it was her fault for entertaining the idea. You couldn’t have known she had been in love with you for years. If you had, you would have never joked about kissing her. Logically, she knew it. She just wished it would change and a bit of her wished you would change. “Yes, seriously.” When you looked at her so wearily the anger all but vanished from her. “Do you want a shot or not Robin? It’s fine if you don’t want one, I can drink enough for the both of us.” Robin shook her head, looking away while chewing on her bottom lip.

In an instant, the conversation was over, whatever was happening between you shifted. She walked behind you, out from the home bar, and walked to the three steps to take her back to the main house. “Tell your parents I say hi.” With that, she walked up the steps a little too harshly and left you alone to stare down at the alcohol.

That was one of the last conversations you held before finally, and silently, parting ways. If there was a tragedy hall of fame you swore that moment was etched in it forever. No one knew why you and Robin sat farther apart in classes. Those who knew least of all were your parents. They still spoke to each other frequently, Robin’s distance not taking too much of a toll on their friendships. As expected they spoke about the split, never able to understand what happened. They gathered no information from the pair of you. Neither you nor Robin would speak a negative word about the other.

Now, imagine Steve’s surprise when Robin first told him how you were the girl she was in love with. He was still that shocked about it after knowing for months. It wasn’t hard to see why though. Steve remembered you as the smart popular girl who wouldn’t hesitate to lend a hand to someone in need. Sweet, but not a pushover. Even now he still finds it hard to believe, harder to believe that the two of you kissed. He wasn’t one to judge, no, but you had a boyfriend to his knowledge and Steve was (is) a little…surprised…was all. It’s not every day that your friend is practically in the plot of a movie.

“Okay okay, but you guys kissed, right? Isn’t that enough of a sign that she likes you?” Steve’s pointer finger moved the tab of his beer can around and around across the metal opening. “No it’s not dingus- stop that.” Robin swatted Steve’s hand to stop him from making the terrible screeching noise. “Even if she did, which she didn’t, she wouldn’t like me now. We haven’t held a conversation since what? Graduation?”

“Which was last week.” Steve snorted at Robin’s drama. It wasn’t a wonder that she was a theatre kid. “Still!” She protested and flopped back on the pool chair. Her eyes studied the way the moonlight rippled on the pool’s water reflecting on a time that you would have tugged her along to stare at the night sky. Steve followed her view and sighed if he had to hear one more goddamn time about how you liked the moon. He had no doubt you were a sweet person but one thing Robin didn’t know how to do was shut up, and that factored into how much she spoke about you.

He chewed on the inside of his cheek to think of something. “Look. It’s the week after graduation, there are tons of parties happening right now. How about we go out, find you a nice girl, and get your mind off her.” Before graduation, Robin had truly thought she was over you. Sure, you still sent her a dazzling smile in the halls and she tripped into a trash can once because she swore she saw you check her out, but it was nothing. You didn’t want her and by god, she would force herself to not want you.

That was until she saw you cross the stage at graduation, waving enthusiastically at your friends. Until you cheered the loudest for her when they called her name. It didn’t make sense to others, why one of the star cheerleaders was shrieking happily for the nerdy, band kid, but it didn’t seem to phase you. Nothing did. So it made it hard for Robin to wonder why you still had a boyfriend.

Were you truly not gay? Had her hopes been misplaced? She hadn’t expected you to shout it from the rooftops, but she’d hoped that you would have told her before you two drifted. Or it was possible you liked both guys and girls? However, the thought didn’t seem to make sense with how you talked about boys. Even when you were just beginning to date boys you had mentioned offhandedly that girls were always better than boys.

“Men aren’t supposed to be as pretty as girls so it's okay…I wish they wouldn’t be so gross though.” In her younger mind, it made sense, though years later it didn’t seem to be foolproof. Even when guys were begging you for a date you brushed them off. Then came the unavoidable boyfriend that would stick for a month or two until you broke up and you were single for an extended period again.

Mulling over it Robin groaned and lolled her head to the side. She was tired of being hung up on what-ifs. “Fine. But the moment I’m bored we leave.” Steve clapped his hands, jostling the beer can that now sat in his lap. “There we go, that’s what I’m talking about!” He shot up to high-five Robin only to spill his beer onto his lap. “Ah, shit!” Robin smirked and raised an eyebrow at him. “Might want a change of jeans, Cupid.” “Oh fuck off.”

For a second it fell quiet except for Steve’s mumbled curses as he rubbed at his pants. The ever-growing stain only spread against his wiping. “Jesus, fine, but tomorrow you have to promise you’ll come with me.” Blue eyes rolled to the side and Robin reluctantly nodded. “Promise. Now I’m headed to your guest bedroom if you don’t mind. Don’t go to sleep covered in beer!” She hopped up with a grin and dashed inside. “It’d help if I had a towel! Hello! Hello? …Robin?”

Ignoring him, Robin took two steps at a time up the stairs excited to be tucked in bed. No matter how many times she jokingly complained about the bed in the guest room she always slept better at Steve’s house. He didn’t mind though, the company was nice to fill his empty house. Besides, when Robin remembered to wash the guest sheets Steve could shove his own sheets in her laundry load.

She slammed the door shut and flopped on the bed to stare at the stagnant ceiling fan. One night. One party and it would be fine. You would be far away from her mind. Squeezing her eyes closed, Robin could almost convince herself of it. She rolled over, tucking her hand under her chin not bothering to get into the pajamas she’d left here a million times before.

If she knew what the next night held for her, her restless sleep would have turned into no sleep. At her core Robin was an overthinker.

The next morning was usual and unsuspecting. Burnt eggs made by Steve who threw them out and settled on making coffee. Thankfully this Saturday was free of work shifts, unfortunately, that also meant Steve finding out where the nearest party was happening tonight. Subsequently, it had Steve stressing over what they would wear. Robin swore he cared more about their outfits than she did and she wouldn’t be wrong in the assumption. When it came to putting Robin out there Steve would put blood, sweat, and tears into it.

“It’s a party Steve, not tea with the queen.” Robin spun in a chair at her desk. Shortly after breakfast Steve had shoved her into his BMW and sped to her house. She had sworn up and down that it wasn’t a big deal, but to Steve it was. When he first began being so nice to her she thought it was because she helped him with flirting, then because she saved people from Russians, and then got him a job on top of all of it. To Robin’s pleasant surprise and delight it was because Steve actually enjoyed her company.

Due to his experience, and care for Robin, Steve was determined to make this go well. He knew how nerve-wracking it could be to try and flirt with girls. Trust him, he knew, but he also knew there was another level he wouldn’t understand. All he could do was base things on his experiences and if this was going to go according to plan he was going to make sure Robin looked good.

Steve planted his hands on his hips and twisted towards Robin. “Can you at least try to care? This is for you.” Robin’s lips pursed, moving from side to side before she sighed heavily. She raised a limp hand to point in the direction of a shirt. “Those with my black jeans.” Steve turned and nodded at the garment, pulling it off the hanger and tossing it onto the bed. “Good choice,” he commented, going to rummage for her jeans. “Yeah, well, it was her choice.” Neither of them needed to clarify to know she was talking about you. Steve’s lips pulled into a frown. “Tonight will be good.” He tried to weakly assert. She hoped it would be.

Comparatively to Robin’s morning, yours was soon to be boring. There was no excitement for the millionth party you would be attending and definitely no surprise breakfast to wake up to. If you had known that was even an option your brain would have whisked you away in daydreams to what life could be like. In reality, you woke up far before the sun did, a routine you had formed over the last year. The few hours between you waking up and the sun rising was your safe haven. It was a comfortable silence that permitted you to slow down life and take in your surroundings.

Today you settled for staring at your boyfriend in front of you, studying his facial features. He was by no means ‘ugly’. By all standards he was conventionally attractive, however, you couldn’t bring yourself to yearn for him. The movies had infiltrated your head making you think love should be a whirlwind that swept you off your feet. Weren’t you supposed to burn for him, or at least crave to be in his presence? You couldn’t even bring yourself to come, having to fake your orgasm for him last night like always. You knew his ego would take a huge hit if you admitted this so you stayed silent.

It wasn’t him per se. It also wasn’t you though. You could come but not when you were with a man. It was always too much, not enough, too man-ish. If that made sense, which it didn’t. None of it did. What made it worse was the way your mind constantly wondered. Why did your brain keep drifting back to comparing every fling to Robin? She was gone. You wouldn't be hung up on losing a friend. She was a good example of a strong relationship, platonic sure, but it was something you subconsciously based your romantic relationships on. No one met the expectations though.

You never felt truly thrilled to be with who you were dating. Up until you had to exchange affection you were into it. Don’t get it wrong, you did feel something for who you dated but you weren’t sure what it was. It scared you too much to think about your boyfriend deeply, or any other man you had been with. How you wished he’d somehow feel the shift in the universe that you were now awake and wake up to smile at you like Robin used to.

Perhaps he’d stay up and talk about nothing for hours. None of it had to make sense you wanted it for the connection. Why could he not read your mind or simply go out of his way to do something meaningful for you without you having to ask? You were so tired of not having that connection with men. It became easier for you to find a woman and become close friends instantly! Men made it so hard.

And as if all the planets fell into alignment the breath was punched from your lungs. Fuck. Why now? Why did you suddenly figure it out now? In the end, it made sense, how had you been so blind? Staring at the ceiling you couldn't picture anything else in your head except the women you have loved in your life. Not friends or family, but loved loved. And every scene came back to Robin. You were choking. Maybe not literally, but there was no escape from the realization. Had you always known and simply forced yourself to hide it?

Unable to stop the rushing questions all you could focus on was how you ended up here. You never listened, not even to your own heart. Was this all life would be if you continued down this path? Men who pulled it together enough to have an average life, but never being able to fully love them. Realization after another, you recognized that you didn’t want to be next to a man when you walked down the aisle. You couldn’t. It felt like handing your life over. Ending something that had barely begun.

Looking back at Robert, there was no stopping the jolt of your body. It felt subconscious like it was telling you to run and never look back. From the dreadful feeling weighing you down, you supposed the earth had stopped turning and you could run straight off the edge of it. You wiggled back until you were close enough out from under the covers and stumbled out of bed. You couldn't look at him anymore, prying your eyes away to look at anything else. They scanned his familiar room for what could be the millionth time and you only felt sadness. Would your future home be decorated like this? Mediocre decorations with no touch of what felt like home. Forever compromising on how you wanted to feel.

It had barely registered in your mind that you had left his room, near running down the stairs and out of his house like a hookup who stayed over too late. You didn't know where to go. In another life, you would have legged it to Robin’s house but in this life, your feet carried you towards your home. The home where you had sleepovers in buried hopes that you’d uncover each other's secrets and sleep with legs and arms intertwined, pretending it was a hug. God, it was innocent and you craved to go back. You coveted your younger self for being filled with such innocent love for others. At the same time, you hated how buried your love became, concealed by fear.

Years of your life had passed by without you realizing who you truly were. You silently begged the universe to make it better, whatever that meant. Bare feet hitting the pavement echoed against the looming houses of the neighborhood. What would someone think if they saw you running like hell was on your heels? Would it compare to the shock of what they would hear if they could see into your brain?

It seemed like seconds of running when you made it to your house, but judging by the brightening sky and the burning of your feet it had been much longer. You wanted to go back to the way you had been. It wasn’t shame, or not entirely. It was an odd limbo of wanting so desperately for itself to work out that you’d beg to go back to denying it. What good would that do though? All you could do was take a hot shower and relax before the party. You were still going with Robert, knowing you’d get an earful later for leaving in the middle of the night, but you were incapable of caring at this point.

His loss. Seriously, his loss. Without you dating him you’d feel freer and he would plead for another chance to be a good boyfriend this time. You wanted to piece yourself back together by taking back the power he had unknowingly stolen from you. He was good sometimes, but you didn't deserve ‘sometimes’. Unexpected anger filled you as you closed your front door. Was it better or worse that you had discovered you were a lesbian when dating him instead of a good guy? “Oh honey!” your mother started, catching a glimpse of your expression from the kitchen table. “Did you and Robert fight again?” The familiarity of her thinking you and Robert fought again had your heart plummeting. There was thinly veiled ‘Is Robert mad at you again?’ under her question.

You weakly shook your head. “No ma’am, I'm okay…just tired.” A comforting smile appeared on your mother’s face as she beckoned you over. “Come here, sweetheart.” Compliantly, you walked closer to her and leaned down to feel her hand on your cheek. Something was bothering you, she could see that much. “I’m so proud of you.” Immediately you wanted to spill everything. You wanted her to hold you like you were a little girl again and have her tell you that everything would be okay. Suddenly you became aware that you were mourning the future you were guaranteed from a kid. It was a piece of yourself that you lost, but you were also gaining another piece of yourself. Bittersweet.

You wanted her to love this new part of yourself as much as she loved every other piece of you. She pressed her lips to the crown of her head like she could read your mind. She was trying her best to solve your troubles with how she knew too. “I love you, my sweet baby girl.” Tears stung at the backs of your closing eyes. “I love you,” you wanted to whisper back, instead staying quiet out of fear of what you might admit. She nodded in time with you with a sweet laugh. “Now go clean up and knock them dead.” Your mother looked up from where she sat and winked at you as you went round the corner. “Those boys won’t know what hit them!”

But they were never who you wanted. How could you tell someone that when they’ve known you as a different person your whole life? You knew your mom wouldn't hesitate to die for you, that’s what you chose to hang onto as you headed for the shower you hoped would wash away your anxiety. She still loved you. Unbeknownst to you, she would never jeopardize that love. You were her child forever.

The shower had washed away some of your stress of the day, renewing you to a point that you could go out. That’s how you found yourself working your pants over your hips, doing little hops to slide the denim on. After the small workout, you huffed and threw things out of your closet to get a shirt. By the time a tornado looked like it had passed through your room, you resorted to digging through your basket of clean clothes, grabbing a cropped jersey Robert had given you. A thought nagged the back of your brain saying not to wear it because it was his, but you threw it on anyway. It was cute and would fit the vibe of the party.

It was a simple outfit but there was no way you were trying to woo anybody tonight. Hopefully, it would ward people off from talking to you. You didn't even want to woo Robert. A thought for a later date. Checking your alarm clock you realized it was an hour till the party with no sign of Robert. Your gut yelled at you to call him. Fuck you wished you didn’t have to. What if you walked? In that case, he could show up and wonder why you ignored him, or he could try to pick you up after you had already left the house. It left too many questions without answers.

Regrettably, calling him was the best option for transportation. You were not in a family who could spare your unlicensed person driving their car around. Stepping out of your bedroom you were met with silence. The house was empty aside from you padding to the landline in the kitchen. A note was left on the refrigerator reminding you of your parents' date night. Nerves nipped at you as you swiped your sweaty palms down your thighs and forced yourself to dial his number.

One, two, three, four rings later, “Hello?” Your teeth sink into the tip of your thumbnail. Yup, he sounded mad. “Hey, Rob!” You tried to chirp, voice unnaturally high. “Oh, are you talking to me now?” “What? I thought we were going to the party tonight…aren’t you coming to get me?” Robert being mad at you was a more than common occurrence. This was one of the more uncommon times when you had done something. “I thought you were mad at me.” he deadpanned, “No note. No warning. You were gone. What was I supposed to think? It’s embarrassing! Do you know how embarrassing that is?” He pressed on.

You fought off a sigh in response, trying to muster up a kinder retort. “I’m sorry Rob, seriously. I’ll make it up to you at the party. …I promise.” he sighed heavily, voice becoming soft again. “I don't think I can drive somebody who acts like that. Will I see you there?” Great. Great, great, great. Robert clicked his tongue sympathetically, acting as if it hurt him as much as he expected it to hurt you.

You didn’t dare ask if he was driving you again. “Yeah. See you then, I guess.” Dejection was far from your tone yet Robert failed to take a hint. “I’m sorry.” His apology fell flat. You couldn't bring yourself to be upset at his roundabout breakup. The dial tone answered him as you slammed the phone back on the receiver.

So much for having a ride.

Figuring out a last-minute ride should not have been as difficult as it was. Apparently, when you drop off the face of the earth for a few days after graduation everyone thinks you’ve left them to die. Thankfully Tina had her convertible detailed on Wednesday and was more than happy to show it off. A little sucking up and a vague explanation later you had a brand new ride who was trying to get you to shove it in Robert’s face that you didn’t need him. And what better way to do that than driving you to the party?

Initially, you didn’t intend to get this far into things. Maybe a small catch-up chat and a shot to appease her, but it seemed Tina’s personal mission was to get you hammered. It was all she talked about on the drive over. The cool night air hit your skin as you stepped out of Tina's convertible, the engine purring below you. Music and laughter were already spilling out from the open windows. Tina looped her arm through yours, “Come on, let's show that loser Robert what he's missing!”

You smiled back at her, allowing yourself to be swept up by her. “Lead the way,” you replied, playing along. The two of you pushed through the people congregating on the front lawn. Tina's grip on your arm tightened as she guided you through the chaos, her eyes alight with a determined gleam. “There’s the keg over there!” Tina exclaimed and pointed towards the driveway.

“That sounds amazing, Tina,” you spoke, raising your voice above the chaos. “Just give me a moment? I'm going to...powder my nose.” You punctuated your statement with a conspiratorial wink, knowing full well that Tina assumed you had somebody to go meet up with. Tina giggled and winked back, “Hurry up then! Don’t keep him waiting!” She waved and happily drifted towards some girls she recognized by the keg, leaving you to navigate your way.

Dodging a stumbling partygoer who barreled past you and out the front door, you twisted around and made your way backward into the living room. The air was thick with the scent of sweat and drinks, a stereo somewhere playing loud music reverberating through the floorboards as bodies danced where a coffee table once stood. A part of you couldn't help but scan the crowd, a lingering instinct to locate Robert. You rolled your jaw, determined to stomp out that fleeting desire.

Your gaze drifted towards the kitchen, and you figured a quick detour for refreshments was in order. Unaware of prying eyes, you hugged the wall, slipping into the relative sanctuary of the kitchen. Finally, a moment to catch your breath and collect your thoughts amidst the chaotic revelry. A familiar face was standing in the kitchen, but they were no one there that you knew well enough. Nowhere near the level of recognition you held for the person who was watching you back.

Robin’s eyes stayed trained on you, having seen you the moment you had walked through the front door. Technically since someone pushed past you to get outside. She was sitting on a pushed-back couch with Steve. Normally he would find somebody to flirt with, yet here he sat debating who would be fit for Robin. His whispers fell on deaf ears, rubbing his chin with one hand. “I swear she’s not straight. Did you know she used to…” Robin’s harsh whisper drowned out the rest of his sentence, “Steve.” His brown eyes flicked to her. “Shit was that bad to say?”

“Steve.” Steve finally took the suggestion and looked up to see you. His eyes widened while he watched you open a bottle and pour some liquid into the cup. Robin’s surprise came at the fact that you weren’t hanging over Robert. That wasn’t completely the jealousy talking. If you showed up at a party you tended to stay by his side the whole time. Whether it was to keep other men away from you or because you liked Robert that much, it also kept Robin at bay from thinking of trying to talk to you. Here you were now, looking unfocused, almost worried before chugging the alcohol.

“You should talk to her.” Steve started. He saw the look in Robin’s eye knowing there was no way around it. “What!? No! Steve, that goes against everything we’re doing tonight!” He knew that more than anyone else, of course, he did. There was no reason for Robin to go back on her word, other than the fact that she was obviously in love with you.

“Look, one conversation. Then you’ll know for sure that you can move on.” Steve reached over, shaking Robin’s shoulder softly to encourage her towards you. “Never know if you don’t try.” Swallowing her fear, Robin admonished Steve. “Remind me to never listen to you ever again dingus. No more plan-making for you.” “And yet you’re walking towards her.” Robin rolled her eyes, walking backward to you.

Once Robin deemed she was almost close enough she turned around to see your spot in the kitchen empty. Her baby blues scanned the house, spotting you heading to the backyard. After seeing you just out of reach she knew she had to speak to you for better or for worse. Robin sped up, pushing through to get to the back door. She could see your rapidly disappearing frame, focusing on how you moved. The wood creaked on the hinges, shutting in front of her face. Being so close to you she suddenly couldn’t bring herself to open the door.

She was being dumb, she knew it. It was one conversation. What harm could it do? Pacing in front of the door Robin barely had enough time to jump out of the way when it swung open. “Shit- sorry!” She called out, stumbling backward out the door. If anything it was the stranger's fault for slamming the door open, that’s what you thought at least. “Robin?”

Time instantly slowed as your quiet voice called her name. She slowly turned towards you, her movements making it seem like she was in doubt if this were truly happening. An awkward smile tugged at the corner of her lips when she caught sight of you sitting on the edge of the porch. The porch light basked you in its soft glow, contrasting the bright moonlight that hit the yard. “Hey..didn't uh see you there,” she offered hesitantly. Robin knew you would be out here, but actually speaking to you made it seem way more real.

“Oh, I thought you were following me.” Robin’s face fell at the blunt statement, her composed facade cracking. “Huh!?” She squawked, the sound escaping her before she could stop it. Her eyes snapped to your face to search it, honing in on the cigarette you pressed to your lips. Not responding right away, a charged silence blanketed you. The only reprieve was the clicking of your lighter that pierced the air, flame roaring to life to light the smoke.

If this was to be the last time she spent in your company, Robin didn't want it to end like that. With a determined set to her jaw, she moved to plop down onto the edge of the porch beside you, swinging her legs over the side inelegantly. You wordlessly tilted your head back, exhaling your smoke away from her, a small gesture that did not go unnoticed. “I didn't know you smoked,” Robin ventured, her gaze transfixed by the way your lips wrapped around the cigarette, pursing and parting with each inhale and exhale.

“Oh yeah, new habit I guess,” you replied nonchalantly, as if the habit were no more remarkable than a new hairstyle. Robin nodded, her eyes trailing over you with a mixture of curiosity and concern. “Are you-” she began, only to be cut off as you simultaneously attempted to speak. “Do you think-” Your voices overlapped, the words tangling together in a mess. Robin felt her cheeks warm.

“You can go first,” you mumbled, ducking your head in an effort to hide the amused smile that threatened to spread across your features. “Um…” Robin nodded, turning her gaze forward once more as she gathered her thoughts. “What are you doing here without...?” Her voice trailed off as she realized, with discomfort, that she had completely forgotten the name of your boyfriend. She had heard it mentioned once, she was certain, but the name eluded her. It started with an R, didn't it? “Robert,” you filled the gap for her. “Yeah, him!”

You winced visibly at the mention of his name. Lifting a hand to scratch the back of your neck, the cigarette dangling precariously from your taught lips, you hesitated for a moment. “You don't have to answer if you don't want to,” Robin added quickly, noticing you were weighing your words. “No, it's fine,” you assured her, waving off her concern. “We're on a break, I guess? He's pissed at something I did this morning.”

Robin sat up straighter, her curiosity piqued by your cryptic confession. “Oh shit. What'd you do?” Plucking the cigarette from your lips, you took a deep breath of clean air. “I sort of ditched him before he woke up. Ran out of his house... the whole shebang.” As the words left your mouth, you couldn't help but realize how callous they sounded. Robin, however, seemed unfazed by the revelation, barking out a laugh that seemed to echo in the quiet night.

“What!? Why?” she asked, her eyes sparkling with disbelief and amusement. “So many questions,” you teased, unable to resist the urge to deflect, if only momentarily. Robin shook her head, a knowing smile playing at the corners of her lips. It was a known fact that she often pressed for more information. You gave a resigned shrug, not knowing why you found yourself spilling your guts to your old friend who you had barely shared a conversation with in over a year. There was something about her presence, something undeniably safe, that compelled you to open up in a way you hadn't with anyone else.

“Guess I realized something.” Robin knew better than to interrupt now, well versed with the pause you gave before fully voicing the thoughts on your mind. “I don't think he's the one," you admitted at last. Something about the need for clarity had you stubbing your cigarette out. Robin sucked in a sharp breath, her expression one of sympathy. “If it helps, I don't think anyone meets 'the one' in high school,” she spoke matter-of-factly as if stating an indisputable truth. “Plus, that's a dumb reason for him to break up with you.”

“Maybe,” you muttered in response, your voice laced with a heaviness that suggested there was more to the story. “For what it's worth, I'm sorry,” Robin continued, her words laden with sincerity. “You deserve better than that.” She knew you did. You deserved better than all the shitty boyfriends you had put up with. Turning to face her fully, you met her gaze with a look of self-doubt. “Don't know if I do. I kind of fucked up, big time.”

The guilt of having dated and potentially hurt a string of boys while unaware that you were unable to love them formed a lump in your throat. You had only just come to terms with the fact that you might have been a lesbian earlier that morning, but hadn't there been signs all along? Little hints you had chosen to ignore in favor of conforming to societal expectations? You truly did empathize with their feelings, holding the weight of your actions on your shoulders.

“Good people fuck up sometimes,” Robin stated effortlessly. The resolution she offered was so simple. “We're still young, we're going to make mistakes,” she continued. And you would. None of it had been malicious. Of course, Robin would be the one able to slow down your racing mind. You couldn't help but marvel at the depth of her understanding and how she cut through the tangled web of your thoughts with such ease.

“When did you become so wise?” You quipped. “I always have been,” Robin shot back with a sly smile. “You were just too busy being charmed by me to realize.” For a heartbeat, Robin froze, uncertain whether her joke had landed or if she had overstepped a boundary. Then your laughter met her ears, shattering her worry. “Hm. makes sense,” you conceded.

Robin sighed out in relief, your head tilting to rest on her shoulder. She slowly met your head with her own, leaning on top of yours. In the dim lighting, you looked at her feet swinging side by side with yours. Studying the familiar scribbles on her shoes made you feel so comforted. This was just Robin, sweet Robin who held your hands when you were scared to make leaps of faith. A leap of faith. That’s all it was.

“I guess I’m interested in other people.” Robin’s eyebrows furrowed curiously. Taking the moment you confessed before doubt could creep up your spine. “I don't think men are the ones for me.” All the oxygen exited Robin's lungs, however, she clamped her mouth shut, trying to remain cool. “I don’t think they are for me either.” She responded faintly.

“Right? I get it, I do, I mean not really but..” you rambled on, taking a note from Robin’s book. “I feel bad because I dated so many guys. I can’t imagine how they felt when I couldn't give them what they needed.” Robin scoffed in return. “Please, they sucked. They were practically sewer monsters! They’ll get over it,” Robin stated resolutely. You didn’t need to be hung up on boys like that. You laughed at her claim. “Yeah, they're gross.” You agreed.

Talking to her again you realized how easy it was and how much you missed this. “I’m so tired of having to like what they like, do what they do, live in their world!” You huffed and glared up at the sky for an answer to your troubles. “I'm proud of you.” Robin blurted out to your surprise. “You’re proud of me?”

Robin didn’t say many things that shocked you into a stupor anymore, but that was certainly one of them. “Yeah. You’ve kind of become super confident.” “Not at all. I’m still scared,” you exhaled regretfully at your admission. “You can be scared and still be self-assured. You’re like..on the right path, you know?” You blinked in amazement at her awareness. “Robin you are fucking amazing.” At your compliment, it was now her turn to be taken aback. “Oh- thank you.” She coughed with wide eyes.

The connection both of you tried to shove down for so long sparked the moment your eyes locked. In that instant, the world faded away, neither of you caring that anyone could peer through the backdoor. As you gazed into her eyes, it felt as if her soul was laid bare in front of you. “Can I?” you asked, voice filled with longing. “Please,” she responded. With her confirmation, both of you moved forward eagerly, lips colliding. However, a second later a pang of pain quickly interrupted the blissful encounter, causing you both to recoil.

“Ow!” Robin hissed, pressing her hand to her mouth, her inner lips inadvertently having met her teeth. “Oh shit!” you exclaimed, scrambling onto your knees to be closer to her. Gently, you removed her hand, anxiously inspecting her. “I am so sorry. Are you bleeding?”

Your eyes snapped to Robin’s when she failed to respond. Her hand slid across your cheek much like it had the first time years ago. Hiccuped giggles fell from her lips when she edged closer to you. Taking the hint, you followed suit to gently press your lips together. This is what you were looking for. You understood why you had looked for her in other people for so long. You yearned for her.

Robin’s fingers trailed along your skin leaving tingles in their wake. Her hands slowly slid down, one coming to rest on the small of your back with the other holding onto your waist. She was desperate to eliminate any distance between your bodies, pulling you towards her like you were her lifeline. When the need for oxygen became too great to ignore, Robin reluctantly parted from your lips. A soft “Woah” escaped her in a breathless whisper.

“Uh huh, woah,” you mumbled in agreement, blinking as you emerged from your trance. As your senses slowly returned, you turned to face each other, eyes meeting in a shared look of awe. The tension that had been building between you both for so long had finally been released, and the intensity of it left you both giddy with exhilaration. Unable to contain yourselves any longer, you burst into unrestrained laughter, echoing the pure joy you felt in that moment.

“Holy shit!” you exclaimed happily. Without a plan or a second thought, you jumped up and grabbed Robin's hand, pulling her up with you. “Let's go,” you said, the words tumbling out in your excitement. Robin's eyes widened at your sudden burst of energy. “What?” she asked. Despite her question she gratefully let you help her up and tug her towards the stairs. “Let's ditch!” you clarified. Robin took one look at the gleam in your eyes and she nodded rapidly, a matching grin spreading across her face as she raced down the stairs with you.

Her grip on your hand tethered you to her as she rounded the corner of the house at a breakneck pace. You stumbled after her, laughing breathlessly, the two of you surely a sight to behold. Anyone would take a look at the two of you and assume you were drunk.

As you burst into the front yard, Steve caught sight of you while he stood on the lawn. His expression grew into one of bemusement as he watched the two of you race past. He beamed at you both, your laughter infectious as you ran down the neighborhood street with no destination in mind. You were in love and it was pure.

Steve placed his hands on his hips, chest bursting with pride. As he watched you disappear he turned back to the shorter figure in front of him. His once soft eyes now held a glint and a not-so-innocent smile. “You’re Robert? Right?”

taglist: @andvys

83 notes · View notes

losing-it-lately · 3 days

Note

Hey love! Idk how you feel about this idea but what about it is Remus birthday/Christmas (I just need an excuse for a gift) and he hasn't told the reader that he is a werewolf but she figured it out on her own and gifted him wolfsbane that she made herself just for him. I picture lots of fluff and cutesy feelings and Remus just confesses his love (I imagined they are just friends at that point) and he is very emotional.

Feel free to change, adapt or not write it at all! Thank you so much ❤️‍🩹

Remus' Birthday

wc: 1k

remus lupin x reader angst with a happy ending

i actually wished for another request as you sent this in which is why i wrote it so quick 😭

This week was going horrendously with assignments all over the place and one of James’ pranks malfunctioning and the grating feeling of the moon inching towards a full beam in the sky; all of that and the week ended in Remus’ least favourite day of the year, his birthday.

It had been like that since he was young. The first birthday after his new affliction was scarring to say the least and every birthday from before it was promptly erased from his memory after Remus heard that revisiting a memory would lead to misremembering it; those birthdays with his mother were only now saved for the night of his birthday, a way to relive a happier time with her in the quiet darkness of his bed.

Birthdays felt lonely- everyone else celebrated getting taller and older and more interesting, but for Remus it felt like a constant reminder that he was leaving something he never got the chance to experience, his youth. he had scars and pains that no one understood and he felt like birthdays were only for people who deserved another year of living, but with all the pain he brought to those he loved, he didn't know if he deserved that year.

The week had been full of stress and Remus wallowing in his own melancholy. It made it worse that you hadn't been anywhere near him for the past few weeks. His worst fears creeping into the cracks of his mind, that maybe you knew, or worse maybe you didn't, but had just gotten tired of the person he was.

Remus tried to push all of these thoughts out, you would hate knowing he was thinking of you like this, but his thoughts were haywire with the moon being full. Whilst the wolfsbane stopped him from turning, it didn't prevent the ghost pain or the mental pain. The other boys had all left the dorm, giving Remus his time to grieve the night before his birthday and instead sleeping with girlfriends or friends in other rooms. He had told them he needed to be alone.

Lying, shirtless with some ratty pajama bottoms and staring at the ceiling. His eyes were encrusted with small tears that threatened to fall at any moment; his mother's face becoming bleary in his memory- how many more times would he be able to imagine it without changing the memory, surely it was running out. He forced his eyes open, the cold breeze of the night hitting him and bringing chills all over his body, the only distraction offered was a single meek knock on the door.

“I need to speak to Remus,” your voice bles through every crevice of the room; maybe this could be his new memory. He stood up from the bed and crossed the room til his hand rested on the door knob.

I ’ll only open it if she asks one more time. I want her to want to come in... And as he finished that thought, your voice pleaded with him again, “please, I need to speak with him.”

The door swung open. Even with all his height, Remus looked small, and you couldn't handle it, a frown crumpling your face. His eyebrows scrunched up seeing your reaction. It felt wrong watching your eyes sadden noticing Remus’ wet cheeks and red nose. You reached up and wiped his cheeks, it wasn't enough for you, but the softness was more than enough for him- this was definitely his new memory, he decided then to save his mother for other days.

Your eyes began to well up and he wrapped his arms around you. “‘M sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry,” he whispered into your ear, softly as if he was scared you would disappear from his arms like a mirage.

“Don’t apologise, I’m here for you.” You tried to laugh but it came out wet and stunted. “I wanted to talk to you.”

He stepped back and suddenly you missed his warmth, but at least he hadn't let go. With his hand wrapped around your arm, you both walked inside into the dark dorm room. He light a small candle and let it flicker on the windowsill before sitting next to you on his bed. Of course you had guessed his bed, it had smelt like firewood and old books and Remus between the layered scents of detergent and dryer sheets.

“Happy birthday,” you offered quietly, with a small smile gracing your face. Suddenly, Remus’ week wasn't so bad. So caught up on your hope and kindness, he hadn't even registered the wrapped gift until you shoved it in his hands. It was messy and slightly crushed but still, the wrapping had your love written all over it. He delicately began to peel back tape and paper until all was left was a large stack of chocolate and a vial of daisy yellow liquid. It smelled like patience. something that surely took hours of sleepless nights to make.

“It's for pain relief. So you can have a painless birthday.” His eyes met yours again. How could you even possibly know that he needed this now, that he needed you now. He hadn't even noticed the night had crossed into the early hours of his birthday and here you were, on his bed with a soft smile and a softer twinkle in your eyes.

Before he could even think about it, it fell out of his mouth, “I love you.” His mouth hung open and his cheeks flushed.

“I love you too, Remus,” you repeated back in a way that would have forced his knees into buckling if he wasn't already sitting. You looked back at him one more time. “Do you want me to stay so you don't spend your birthday alone,” you asked as Remus tried the potion you had worked for weeks on. He paused as he felt every ache dissipate from his body, his pain melting away from him.

He threw a gentle smile your way and whispered back one final “of course,” before he began setting up his bed for the both of you to lie in and talk, and hopefully, eventually fall asleep together with. Maybe birthdays weren't as isolating as he had once known.

97 notes · View notes

ottersandfandoms · 2 hours

Text

Full Analysis/breakdown of the asmodous crystal exchange because the episode broke me and this is how I cope. Warning: long

So the first shot we have is Stolas sitting on his bed in apprehension, then Blitz jumps up on the balcony. Blitz starts the night off like any other, bringing out his bag of sex toys and just speaking in an unworried manner. Yet we have the sad music playing in the background that lets us know this is temporary. It’s NOT a normal night. Stolas knows this too and he’s just quietly watching.

Stolas finally speaks and he stutters at the beginning. This is really happening. He disregards all the other things Blitz brought and instead just asks for the book.

This is when Blitz first starts noticing something is up. We see a quick shot of his smile dropping. He was all worried about Stolas getting bored of him earlier and wanting the book back and now he began to actually think those fears are being proven true. Even if he doesn’t admit it, Blitz has a big fear of not being wanted and just pushed aside, like he has been for most of his life.

So when Stolas admits he needs the book back Blitz panics. His fears are true. He begins to hurriedly speak and makes excuses. This book is his livelihood and the reason for his jobs so it doesn’t make sense why he is scared of losing it. He leans in and tries to initiate sex. It works every time with Stolas so why wouldn’t it work now? Stolas begins to grow sad. He does want to have sex with Blitz. But he knows that would be unfair so he gets up.

Blitz is terrified. He desperately begs Stolas for the book. Blitz is being put in a vulnerable situation and he doesn’t like it. His whole life could be destroyed if he can’t keep his business afloat. He wouldn’t be able to support himself and couldn’t support Loona. He would “do anything” to keep it.

But then Stolas shows him the crystal. Stolas presents it to him in a happy tone. He tries to be happy and hopeful even though he is clearly still very worried. Maybe everything will be ok. Maybe Blitz will reciprocate Stolas’s feelings and everything will be great.

Blitz thinks Stolas is joking. He doesn’t understand why Stolas would do this. Now his job is safe but his relationship with Stolas is not. His deepest fears are being proven once more.

He’s not good enough.

He goes into this state of wanting to please.

When Blitz was a child, his dad clearly saw Blitz as the weakling compared with Fizz. And no matter how much Blitz tried to prove himself, it was never enough. “I can do better” is almost juvenile in its phrasing. A desperate plea and promise that might diffuse the situation. Blitz reverts back to his childlike self where he was always last choice and flung aside like he didn’t matter. Imagine how many times he said that exact sentence to his father.

Stolas explains. Stolas actually does a good job of saying what he wants. He is clear and to the point, emphasizing asking what Blitz wants. During Stolas’s speech, Blitz glances back and forth at the crystal, trying to make sense of what’s happening and then at Stolas. Because he does want to stay. He likes Stolas. If he didn’t care, he would've taken the crystal and left, but he didn’t and chose to stay. Stolas finally just finishes his speech by confessing his feelings. He says them in a frantic way; he is putting himself out there but there is hope there too.

Blitz thinks he’s joking. Of course he would be. Why could Stolas actually seriously care for him? How could Stolas care for him? The only possible explanation has to be that Stolas is joking. So he puts on a roleplay because he thinks it’s what Stolas wants. He refuses to accept there may be something more.

Stolas takes this as a mocking rejection. His hope has been squashed. Stolas is so used to being mocked that he immediately takes Blitz’s ‘roleplay’ as Blitz making fun of him. Stolas has been mocked by the people, the other Goatia, Stella. Blitz is just another one to add to the list.

He accepts the supposed rejection and walks away. Blitz now realizes he wasn’t joking. He is legitimately surprised that Stolas would want anything true with him. Blitz has this worldview of nobody truly wanting him; finding him useful, sure, but actually wanting him…that would be impossible. Stolas’s confession is a stark blow to that worldview and it makes sense why Blitz needs time to accept this.

This is where Stolas makes his mistake, he doesn’t give Blitz time to think through this. He takes Blitz’s confusion as rejection, not stopping to consider that Blitz is just as scared as he is. His hope is now totally gone. Both Stolas and Blitz are eerily similar in their fears. They both just want to be wanted but where Stolas shrinks away in sadness, Blitz lashes out.

And that's exactly what Blitz does now. And he doesn’t stop.

He doesn’t want to deal with his own hurt feelings so he instead blames it all on Stolas, to hide the fact that he may be blaming it on himself. The thing is, most of what Blitz says is true. Stolas repetitively called him a plaything and ‘little imp’ so it makes sense why Blitz doesn’t fully believe him. Blitz has always been the inferior one in his relationships. With Fizz, With Verosika, with Stolas, with countless demons. This has caused him this inferiority complex that he can’t escape.

Blitz has tears in his eyes and he is truly breaking down. He has spent so long trying to convince himself that Stolas doesn’t care and now suddenly he does? He still hasn’t actually accepted that Stolas cares for him. He can’t accept that and that makes it all more painful. It has to be some lie or game and he is begging Stolas to stop playing. To stop complicating things because that will force Blitz to think about how he feels.

Stolas takes this the wrong way. You see this heartbreaking scene of Stolas starting to cry and of course the most heartbreaking line: “I didn’t realize you think so low of me”.

Everyone thinks low of Stolas. He is the “pathetic” Goatia prince who is constantly scoffed at and bullied. Blitz was his escape from all of that, but now he believes Blitz thinks the same as everyone else.

But Blitz DOESN’T think low of Stolas. He thinks low of himself.

Blitz realizes he fucked up. He went too far and hurt Stolas.

He realizes that Stolas misinterpreted what he said because Blitz was never really talking about Stolas, he was talking about his own feelings. We can see Blitz actually try to reach out to Stolas. He needs to let Stolas know that he doesn’t think that. You can hear him start to say “I’m sorry-” but as he’s saying that Stolas portals him away.

Blitz “What the fuck” perfectly encapsulates his feelings. He doesn’t understand what happened but he knows that he messed up. Blitz needs to let Stolas know that he actually cares about him and apologize for what he said and Stolas needs to understand that Blitz needs some time.

Blitz never once said that he doesn’t care, only that he doesn’t believe Stolas can.

#helluva boss #helluva boss full moon #helluva boss analysis #analysis #stolas #blitzø #stoliz #stolas x blitz #Full moon broke me #did I really just choose to ignore my responsibilities and write over 1000 words about sad little gay demons #Yes...yes I did #and I will do it again #but in all seriousness these two really need a healthy dose of communication

68 notes · View notes

waterlilyrose · 1 day

Note

Are you taking requests? For something Kanthony adjacent? I just feel like finding out that Kate's pregnant would be kind of weird for Benedict? Even though they wouldn't know the gender, it makes it almost official that Benedict's role as the "back-up" is over, or not needed to the same extent any more. And I think the conversation that Anthony and Benedict would have about that would be interesting?

I LOVE prompts for Kanthony. Little exercises that genuinely bloom into good ideas. (A Promise Made In Haste was originally a prompt). Please send more - you can't do it anonymously anymore because I turned it off but still.

It wasn't shocking news or even very surprising. There had been little to no doubt what 'extending the honeymoon' had entailed for Kate and Anthony. Ben couldn't imagine there was a single room in Aubrey Hall that they hadn't debauched (he made a mental note to ask the servants to purchase him some brand new sheets for his bed next time they were there) and it was almost weird to see Anthony, the archetypal serious older brother, constantly in a good mood nowadays.

Anthony's whole plan of action from the start was to produce an heir for the Bridgertons. So when Anthony and Kate announced that they had succeeded and he would have a new nephew or niece in the autumn, it was met with joy and hardly any surprise.

So it was disconcerting and almost jarring to Benedict to feel so... winded by the news.

Benedict had never possessed great ambitions himself. Watching his father and then Anthony performing the viscount duties hadn't looked particularly appealing at any time. For all the respect, money and power that it brought to them, Benedict had also seen the stress, drama and endless imposter syndrome it also produced. All in all, he had felt that it was cannon fire that was best avoided.

But there had also been the growing sensation of uselessness and feeling like he had no place in the world. He had genuinely felt passionate about becoming an artist but the realisation that Anthony had helped him get a foot in the door by paying for his place had dented his confidence too much to recover from. He found himself drifting from a hobby to passion to Tilly Arnold's bed with a feeling of listlessness. He felt untethered to anything and he was starting to dislike the lack of solid ground beneath his footing.

So it had come as an enormous surprise when Anthony had handed the reins of the viscountcy over for nearly half a year while himself and Kate enjoyed newlywed bliss. Benedict had almost expected Anthony to take a week off at a push and then demand to be let back into the study for fear Benedict would swap the family fortune for some magic beans or something. But no - his elder brother didn't even look back as he went off with Kate.

And, amazingly, Benedict found himself rather liking the new role.

There were dull and desperately annoying moments but somehow sitting at the desk in Anthony's study every day, going over ledgers, talking to solicitors and making suggestions had also made Benedict happy. Once you got the hang of it, it wasn't so hard at all. More monotonous. And he had felt rather a strong appreciation for Anthony when he was presented with how many household bills there were each month. He started to make sure to take better care of some of his items and even tried to mend items rather than buying something brand new every time. The tenants were polite to him and, when there was a storm which caused leaking in the roof of a tenant, he'd got down there to lend a hand at fixing it. Everyone praised him without it feeling like they were humouring him and the lawyers even took some of his suggestions seriously. When Anthony came back, he noted the changes and hadn't changed them back. He'd even praised his brother and everyone knew Anthony wasn't nice for nothing.

Benedict had been a little sad when Anthony took up the helm again that he no longer had a project to oversee everyday.

But he didn't realise how much he'd appreciated it until they announced Kate was pregnant.

Benedict wasn't like those stereotypical uncles from Hamlet or Richard III - he liked the company of small children as they were tactless to the point of hilarity and he loved Augie and Belinda. He had no doubt he'd love the new addition too. But with their birth, he was down the pecking order yet again. And his sense of lack of purpose started to bloom.

It was oddly Anthony himself who Benedict talked to about it all.

Benedict had taken to sitting in Will Mondrich's club late into the evenings. Sometimes he sat alone, nursing a scotch and just thinking... What now? What is left for me now? Writing? That was Colin's passion. Paint again? Didn't seem much point - the Academy probably still remembered Anthony's donation and might be influenced to let Benedict join in the hope of another donation. Marriage? The very thought made him drain his drink and want another.

"They say it's a bad habit drinking alone." Came a voice and Benedict was startled to see Anthony appearing with his own drink in hand to take a seat at Benedict's table.

"What are you doing here? You never come out any more - you'd rather be canodeling with Kate."

"I would rather be canodeling with her. But she's a bit tired and wants to sleep without me waking her up with kisses. Besides..." Anthony looked at Benedict in a manner that he didn't much like "I suppose I want to check on you. You've been... a bit quiet since I came back from Aubrey Hall. I just want to make sure you are okay."

Benedict contemplated lying or being dismissive of sharing emotions in a way brothers were so good at. But maybe the combination of drinks and general fatigue made him less guarded.

"I've just been wondering, that's all. About... what the point of me is now?"

Anthony's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?*

"Well, when you were on honeymoon, I had a purpose. A task to complete. A reason to strive forward. Now you are back and that duty is gone. And now you are having a child and therefore the duty will stay gone. You always said that being the second son didn't mean I had no duties; just that I came second in facing them. Well now I'll be third. Then fourth, fifth, sixth. It wasn't much and I didn't appreciate it until... It was gone. Now if I'm not here, no-one will notice-"

"I would notice." Anthony declared. "I would notice my brother wasn't here anymore. Mother would notice her son wasn't here. And half the ladies in Mayfair would sob into their hankies about you not being here." Anthony didn't look angry at his reluctant feelings so that was good. "Benedict... You are more than a role to play, you know?"

"Never played much of one even back in the day, did I?"

"And I placed all my value on playing too much of one, didn't I? And everyone in the family just loved that, I'm sure."

Benedict looked at Anthony and realised - yes, Anthony had held onto his role as viscount almost greedily in the past. And an unhappier man Benedict wasn't sure to ever have met.

Too much purpose or not enough - were both as bad as each other?

"If you liked the old jobs, I will happily hand some over to you permanently. I wasn't kidding when I said you impressed me while I was away - you are clearly trustworthy. Besides I don't want to be wedded to my duties anymore - I'm going to be a father. I want to hold my baby, get to know them and be a father they won't have to make an appointment to see. If you allowed me to do that, I'll be forever grateful."

Benedict was stunned. Anthony seemed earnest in this.

"But..." Benedict said feebly. "But the child will one day have to learn it all for themselves."

"Then we will teach them together. Their Papa... And their Uncle Benedict. Two tutors instead of one. More balanced that way. More wisdom. And more help. How does that sound?"

Benedict felt oddly emotional (he must have drank far too much). He was sure Anthony would be furious at Benedict's insecurities - instead... He was holding out his hand in support.

Benedict was not so foolish as not to take it in his own.

"Yes... That sounds good."

#waterlilyrose #kanthony #bridgerton #fanfic #kathony #fanfiction #anthony bridgerton #kate sharma #kate and anthony #benedict bridgerton

48 notes · View notes

viixen01 · 20 hours

Text

𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐚𝐲, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈'𝐥𝐥 𝐝𝐨 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫.

𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐎 𝐓𝐎𝐃𝐎𝐑𝐎𝐊𝐈 𝐗 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑

you bite your lip hard as you stare down at the floor beneath you. tears burned your eyes, blurring your vision as they fell to the floor creating a stain in your carpet. your brain was completely shutting down from the words that just left your boyfriends mouth.

“i’m in love with momo ..” those words echoing and repeating in your head. your fist clenched and bunching up your white skirt that sat just above your knees. you were in denial. so much denial about this. you couldn’t for sure say you didn’t notice it. the way he’d look at her when you’d all be in the main area playing uno some nights, the way you’d took notice to them off to the side having conversations. the way the pink blush sat across her face at his words. the way he’d somehow find a way to touch her, weather is be just his hand on hers. the way his eyes.. those beautiful grey and blue eyes would light up when he’d hear her laugh. knowing he was the one that got such a pretty noise out of her.

you saw it all. saw your boyfriend slowly but surely falling out of love with you, and falling in love with her. but you.. you kept hope that maybe they were just close friends. maybe their friendship was deeper than others. grasping onto anything that would help you sleep at night, hoping it was all in your head and that he loved you, and only you. but the words that still continuously echoed in your head, confirmed the worst for you.

“w-what” you whisper as you sucked in a sharp breathe. you could still see his black sweats in your view, his movement unwavering.

“i’m in love with momo y/n .. i didn’t want it to come to or end like this but .. it just kinda happened” he spoke as he stared at your shaking frame. a shiver went curdling up your spine at his words. you let out a whimper as you felt your heart clenching. clenching so hard. it hurt so bad. you had never ever felt something like this. something so painful, and you never ever though that shoto .. your sweet shoto would be cause of such pain.

you sucked in a breathe again. your breathing had started to become irregular at this point. so many things going through your head.

did you do something wrong? did you say something? were you not doing something enough? were you doing too much of something? you were in a utter state of shock and confusion.

“i hope we can still be friends after this … i didn’t want to hurt you. but i don’t love you like i do her” he admitted as the pain your chest worsened. it felt like somebody had taken nails and hammered them in your chest repeatedly without stopping. each word that fell from his lips was another nail piercing your heart making a whimper escape your lips.

as those words left his lips, you saw his black pants beginning to move out of sight. you slowly lifted your head, which felt like the hardest task, being your body was shutting down from the ache within your chest. but that didn’t matter to you right now. all that mattered to you was you couldn’t lose him.

shoto was your everything. you had been together for what was about to be 3 years. you made your relationship official when you both were first years, and you couldn’t help but imagine graduating and becoming a pro with your one true love. you’d given him everything. your heart, mind, soul. you were one. then when the time came, you also gave him your innocence. you had truly gave shoto all of you.

so how could he do this to you. did all of those 3 years mean nothing to him? how long has he been feeling this way? how long had he been stringing you along? what did momo have that you didn’t? was your best and most beautiful parts about you, not enough for him? were you that worthless to him that he could throw away 3 beautiful years that felt like bliss to you, like it was trash.

you sucked in another long breathe as your mouth fell agape. searching for words to say, something to plead. it wasn’t until the door had opened that it dawned on you. he was actually leaving you.

“shoto .. p-please don’t .. please don’t leave me.. whatever i did, i’m sorry. if i said or did something wrong i’m sorry. i love you so much… you can’t just- you can’t just leave me shoto please” you whine as tears flooded your face.

shoto paused as his hand rested on the knob of your door. he squeezed his eyes shut in annoyance. he was hoping he could leave without you saying anything. so he didn’t have to deal with any of it. he was hoping to leave and be done with it. but he knew all too well the type of love you have for him. he knew you’d do this.

“y/n .. you didn’t do anything. i already told you, i just don’t love you .. i love her” he sighed as he kept his back to you, he wouldn’t dare turn around and look at those beautiful e/c doe eyes. he knew it’d hurt a little. not because he still loves you, but because he knows you didn’t do anything. he knows you’ve been nothing but the sweetest, most loving, caring, and giving girlfriend to him. how could he face you, knowing all that?

“shoto please .. i’ll do whatever you want. whatever you want, whatever you need i’ll give it to you. please don’t do this to me. don’t leave me please” you plead as saliva ran down the corners of your mouth. he had never heard you sob this hard. he feared this would happen. he began to feel bad, feel bad for you.

he needed to end this and fast.

“no. i told you i’m leaving. i told you i love her. there’s nothing to be said or done. we don’t have to be friends, i only asked that for your sake. i’ll pack your things that are in my dorm and put them in a box and return them to you. i’d like for you to do the same with my things. goodbye y/n” and with that he slammed your door shut making your eyes widen.

he was gone. he had left. left you and everything you guys built over the last 3 years. the final nail had been hammered into your heart and that last wave of ache washed over you. and it was more intense than anything you could imagine. you collapsed over on your bed as your body strained from exhaustion, and all that could be heard, all that your body could do was sob. sob as you felt your heart finally break from the last nail.

should i do a pt 2 😭😭?

#shoto todoroki #xreader #mha #my hero academia #angst #angst oneshot #shoto x reader #momo yaoyorozu #anime masterlist #anime #boku no hero academia #shoto todoroki x reader

31 notes · View notes

skynapple · 2 days

Text

OH IT'S XAVIER POSTING HOURS

SHE'S BACK LADIES WE ARE SO BACK

SEND HELP???????

You guys. He literally is saying so much here. He always says so much but you have to really dig between the lines, usually. And I love that about him. I feel like I'm building sand castles with him with my little shovel, scooping away to try to get to the core of his being and all he means to say.

NOT RIGHT HERE.

NO YOU READ HIM LOUD AND CLEAR.

He really is so terrified of losing her again.

Holding her in those ruins? I can feel it in my ribs. It had to take him back to that first moment when she died in his arms as a teenager. That feeling of helplessness and despair. And he's trying to convey it to her so gently here.

Hey could you try not throwing yourself into exceptionally dangerous situations? I'm terrified of losing you. You're special enough to me that I don't care that you know who I am at this point. I would love not to have you die in my arms again thanks.

(I think it may be fair to say that he wants so badly to matter to her in a way that makes her care about herself too. Am I reading too deeply into that???)

No but yeah, he really desperately is trying his best to keep her safe and intact here and it's nice that, much like Queen!MC, current!MC can take decent care of herself but, he's got a point.

She throws herself into a lot of situations and sometimes I hate to say it but it's... very much loner mentality. She's an orphan, and did have her adoptive family for however long, but I imagine a lot of independence came with it and even more still when she was living at University and then straight on to the Deepspace Hunter academy... She's already been on her own a while. And especially after losing the only family she had? She's extra alone. It's like... ok. She's not being unnecessarily reckless but at this point she doesn't have very many people in her life to consciously come home to. And I think he knows that, and he's desperately trying to be that for her.

He's bandaging her wounds, he's staying the night, he's really trying to be an anchor for her as much as she's literally a tether for him and always has been. He needs her with him, and he wants to be the person she comes home to.

And he's willing to bare a lot to say that here, and I think it just shows how much he's really not saying also. I think he's just overflowing and this is the spillover. There is SO MUCH more there. I can't wait to see more of it.

#lnds xavier #love and deepspace #lnds meta #love and deepspace meta #love and deepspace xavier #madi plays lnds #lads xavier #lnd xavier #l&ds xavier

47 notes · View notes

w2soneshots · 1 day

Text

Accident -KSI

Words: 0.7k+

Warnings: angst, skiing accident, hospitals, recovery.

Summary: when abroad skiing for a sidemen video you have an accident and everyone’s worried about you.

a/n: I love this request and I feel like JJ is such a cutie so he would definitely react like this💞. I hope you enjoy my loves!!😊🫶🏼

Liked by tobjizzle, taliamar and 521,870 others

y/username: how it started vs how it's going😭

-comments-

ksi: ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

freyanightingale: my poor girl🥺

y/nfanpage21: omfg what happened? Are you ok?

user31083649: isn't she filming for a sidemen vid?

-> user29736105: yea. I'm not sure if they'll post it now tho🤷‍♂️

"Shit! Babe, are you okay?!" JJ shouted, racing over to me. I could barely hear him. My ears were ringing and my head hurt. "y/n? y/n can you hear me? Answer me!" He scrambled as I began to come back into consciousness. "I'm ok." I croaked. My voice coming out much more quiet than I thought it would. "Fucking hell! You scared the shit out of me." I tried to sit up, a sharp pain spread through my leg. I hissed. JJ started to panic for a second time. "Don't move! What is it? Your leg?" I nodded. "Ok I'm gonna call an ambulance."

It felt a little bit like a blur after that. I was rushed to the nearby hospital where they completely checked me over. Almost an hour after we arrived the doctor came back with the results of their tests. "So, you have a concussion which is most likely from the impact of the fall and is the reason you blacked out. Your leg is severely bruised since that was what you landed on but nothing is broken. You are very lucky." She explained sweetly. A weight lifted from my shoulders. JJ let out a relived breath. "Thank you." I smiled. "You'll need to rest and take it easy for the next few weeks but you should be just fine."

We flew home the next day and I was treated like a complete princess. JJ cancelled everything in order to take care of me. I slept, watched reality tv, cuddled with our little dog and ate the food JJ brought to me, which mostly consisted of uber eats since I'm usually the cook. Yinka (JJ's mum) came round to bring me some home cooked food and to make sure that I was okay, which was really sweet. I got many texts from all of my friends along with the boys who were really concerned when they saw I'd had an accident.

I wasn't initially supposed to be going on the trip but Vik became Ill so they asked if I could step in last minute, since every time I go on there channel the video does really well. I agreed and we left for the airport the next day.

I spent the first day on the bad team with Simon and Harry which they both felt bad about but I'm really close with Simon since I've known him for so many years so I wasn't that bothered. I had to spend the night in a tiny room with them, me on the top bunk. Then JJ and Harry swapped so I ended up remaining on the bad team with Simon and JJ, I wasn't really mad though because I can't ski and I'd rather have the funny experience with JJ.

Then only one hour in I lost control and practically rolled off of a small snowy cliff. I landed in the snow after only falling about three metres but I was going full speed, doing something I wasn't familiar with. They asked if I wanted the video to be cancelled and I told them that was ridiculous. I fell on the last day and wasn't injured that badly plus the whole thing was caught on camera so it was great content.

"I'm seriously so glad you're ok. I was really worried for a second." JJ said quietly as he gently ran his hand through my hair. I yawned as we were about to go to sleep. "Could you imagine if I had died? I can see the headlines now, 'KSI's girlfriend dies while filming sidemen Sunday'" I played it out with my hands. He chuckled. "I love you. Good night." He kissed my forehead. I nuzzled closer into his shoulder. "I love you too." I whispered as I drifted off to sleep.

Liked by ksi, faithloisak and 410,732 others

y/username: thank you for your lovely messages but I'm ok, just realised I'm shit at skiing😘

-comments-

miniminter: committed to the content

-> y/username: a little too committed😂

taliamar: side note: you look stunning!

y/nfanpage21: I'm glad she's alive x

user71209374: the puppy🥹💕

29 notes · View notes

geekishfangirl · 2 days

Text

Seen so many Peter Parker in Gotham fics, and while I love them, I would love to see a Batfam in Marvel fics. Especially with the Richard Grayson is Richard Parker idea!

I like to imagine they somehow end up in Peter’s New York (idk how, haven’t thought about it that much) and in their attempts to find a way back to their home universe end up catching the attention of either SHIELD, the Avengers, or just Tony. They are confronted by whoever catches them and, maybe under duress or the idea that they don’t have the resources to get home alone, explain their situation. It all leads to them staying with Tony while they’re there and it all comes to a head when they meet Peter. Because that looks just like Dick! They start trying to spend more time with him to figure out if it’s just a crazy coincidence or not, and eventually realize this is the alternate universe version of Dick’s son!

I love this idea because it makes me wonder about so many things and I feel like it has a lot of possibilities. Like, the batfam is extremely cagey about who they trust, why and how do they end up telling the truth about what happened to them? If we’re talking the MCU (I honestly just like to pick things I like from each universe and make my own but whatever works lmao) Do they end up meeting the Avenger’s pre-Civil War or after? And if after, what would their thoughts on the Accords be?

How would they react to Peter’s story? He barely remembers his father, if he does at all. How would Dick react to the idea of his son growing up without him? To never meeting Bruce and his siblings (if they even exist in Peter’s world) and instead getting adopted by another family? There was never any Robin or Nightwing. He is DEAD in this universe and is watching his adult or near adult orphaned son look to a billionaire superhero as his father figure, just like he had! it would be interesting to highlight both the similarities and differences in the relationship of Tony and Peter to that of Dick and Bruce.

How would they react to Spider-Man and the snap?!

I need someone to write this honestly, there’s so much potential here, I can feel it in my bones.

52 notes · View notes

kvrokasaa · 3 days

Text

Depression Arc

cw: depression, the use of the word hate a lot, reader is basically a people pleaser in this, comfort(?), 1.0k words.

You hate being labeled as a burden. You hate it so much. But you have no way to express this hatred to anyone because if you do they’ll ask how you’re a burden. Then you’ll go into a rant and slowly you’ll begin to realize that this person who you felt so comfortable sharing anything with, is losing interest and you’re becoming a burden.

You hate being labeled as a burden, but you’ve never been labeled as a burden. Only your mind has called you a burden. So maybe, maybe the sighs, the eyes darting anywhere but to yours, and the interruptions–maybe they’re not viewing you as a burden.

But what if they are?

So, that’s one of the many reasons why you stick to yourself. Sure, you let a few words of how you’re feeling slip here and there. But you never allow yourself to rant to anyone, even if this person told you that they want you to confide in them. You don’t want to confide in them.

It took you over seven years to confide in your therapist, why would you confide in someone who’s not being paid to listen to you?

You keep your head down at school, you never purposefully bring attention to yourself.

You hate being called annoying. It’s one of your worst fears. You hate hearing the sighs, you hate seeing people turn their heads, you hate seeing people look at their friends and laugh. One would label you as socially anxious, or just not a social person in general. And maybe you would agree, maybe you would laugh it off and say ‘Yeah, that’s probably the problem.’ But you know that’s not the problem. It’s part of the problem, but not the entire problem.

You just hate being called annoying. You hate when everyone stares at you. Your mother would tell you that they’re jealous of how outgoing you are, but you know that now they have laughing material with their friends.

You hate being called lazy. You work your ass off almost every day, even in the dead of summer when it’s so fucking hot out. But the second you sit down, people call you lazy and say you never do anything.

But most of all, you hate how you still smile at these people. You hate how you can’t gather the courage to tell these people what’s on your mind. You wish you could scream at them, pull your hair, cry–anything, you wish you could do anything. But one wrong move, one wrong breath, and these people–or rather this person–will blow up on you. They’ll get so mad at you, make you feel pathetic and useless. And then you’ll feel crazy because you’ve always loved this person, why are you hating them now?

But now, every day is getting harder and harder. It’s the same things over and over again. Get up, go to school, come home, and cry. Well, you don’t cry every day, but you wish you could.

You know everyone can see how tired you are. You know it. You wish these people would ask if you’re okay. But you also wish they won’t because you know once they do, you’ll break down; you hate attention.

“You okay?” At first, you thought it was just in your imagination. You almost berated yourself for being so desperate for attention. But the warmth, the weight, of his hand on your shoulder made you realize that, no this isn’t fake. Someone actually looked at you and realized that you weren’t okay.

“Yeah,” you provided a faux smile.

“I don’t believe you.”

Four words. Fifteen letters. That’s all it took for you to break. A little piece of glass, but that little piece caused the other pieces to break.

You never thought those words would be the ones to break you. But here you are, your hand cupping your mouth, tears streaming down your face. You’re trying so desperately to hide your emotions. You’ve tried. But four fucking words later and you’re crouched on the library floor crying.

You’re sure he wasn’t even asking about your depression. You’re sure he was asking about earlier when you tripped on your way through the doors. But you so desperately needed to hear those words. You did, and you know it.

It’s comical, really. The way his face immediately contorts to one of confusion. All this situation needs is a little question mark to appear over his head. “That bad, huh?”

God, and he wasn’t even talking about the trip. He actually meant the depression.

Wait. Are you burdening him? No, you shouldn’t cry about this. You shouldn’t let someone see this side of you so easily.

But the words slipped out like your mouth was laced with butter. “I’m so tired.” There’s no fake happiness, no cheerfulness in your voice. Nothing but a small sob lets him know that you really mean it. “I don’t know what to do, I’m so tired.” You don’t even have the energy to scream or anything.

And although you’re in the library, you know you could scream the words. This is your afternoon job, in a way, you stack the books with him, and no one else but you two are around.

Warmth consumes you. His jacket’s draped around your back. Although it’s so hot outside and the AC is barely working, you feel so….nice.

“God, this is stupid.” Your hands come up to wipe your tears. But another action from the man behind you halts you. His hat is placed on your head.

“It’s not stupid. Stop downplaying your emotions. It’s stupid that you just laugh things off when they impact you so much.” You almost want to cry again. He’s noticed this much? How? “Just go home, do whatever you want.”

You don’t think twice when you lift yourself off the floor. Ready to leave this embarrassing moment. “But hey,” he calls out before you leave. “I better see you tomorrow. No quitting.”

You don’t know if you finally found something to wake up to, but you know for a fact that his words bring a small but real smile to your lips.

a/n: this is basically me rn lol

#Kvro's fics #bllk x reader #bllk x you #blue lock #haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu fluff #bllk fluff #haikyuu #haikyū!!#tokyo rev x you #tokyo revengers #bllk angst #light angst #blue lock angst #haikyuu angst to fluff #angst #jjk angst #angst with a happy ending

27 notes · View notes

hwanchaesong · 1 day

Text

━⁠☞🍽️ Seventh Course: Picture perfect revenge, the definition of the burnt dessert that is brewing inside your unhinged mind. Well, he deserves it though. 🥢

🎧: Olivia Rodrigo - Jealousy, Jealousy

wc: 816

genre & warnings: angst, non-idol au, cheating, hints of insecurity, reader drinking wine, cursing, lovers to exes, etc etc

a/n: this is a part of The Sour Restaurant series. if y'all want, you can read the other album inspired fics of other groups here.

You scroll through your phone, sipping on your red wine and laughing to yourself. Giggling like a maniac because the ridiculousness of the situation is truly astounding.

It was a magnificent occasion, one that would normally make people cry but not you.

No, you are built differently.

The discovery that you dug made you so happy you think you're about to burst in excitement.

Because finally, fucking finally! Freedom is nigh and clean air will finally clear your black lungs.

You gaze at the clock, the man that you are waiting for will be home soon, and you are so fucking ready for a confrontation.

Soon enough, your boyfriend enters your shared apartment, jumping a little when he sees your figure in the shadows, indifferently sitting there with a menacing expression.

"Are you okay? Is something wrong?" he frowned when you replied with a scoff, slowly walking in your direction.

The entire living room is dark, the only source of light is the one from the hallway near your bedroom. It gives an ominous vibe in the atmosphere, exactly what you want to exude.

"Y/N, seriously, I don't have time for this. I j-"

You rolled your eyes at his audacity, shoving your phone in his face so he can gawk at the evidence of his betrayal.

He is nothing but a mere asshole in the entirety of this relationship, so thank the heavens for giving you a reason to leave.

Ever since he entered your life, his presence always gave you the sinking feeling of insecurity.

Paranoia at its finest, you could say.

It was all good at first. You can even say with confidence that he was the perfect boyfriend. He makes you feel like you're on top of the world, the only girl that he loves, the happiest person on earth.

But who knows what will happen, right?

His sublime image is merely a performance for you to enjoy and hate later on, especially when you start seeing the signs.

Going home to you smelling like a girl's perfume. Lipstick stain on the collar of his polo shirt. Being secretive on whatever is in his phone.

"Must be your imagination, baby."

"Oh this? This is nothing. I'll wash it later."

"Listen, privacy is also an important aspect of a relationship."

Fuck that privacy. You merely wanted to play games on his phone because waiting in line in his favorite restaurant bore you to death. Must he be so stingy?

Stingy because the shit excuse of a man was hiding something.

You have been tolerating his bland show for a while now, might as well give him a tip for giving you entertainment despite it not being worth your time.

"Tell me I'm crazy now." you smirk, victorious in the battle where you have been wounded far too many times to the point that you can't even bear to look in the mirror without wanting to vomit.

You've had enough comparing yourself to the girls that he hangs out with.

Girls that are way skinnier, comfortable in showing too much skin, wear make up like it's an extension of their body.

Then you saw this very suspicious lady that seemed to be a bit closer to your boyfriend than the others.

You can't help but be jealous of her pretty face, lavish lifestyle, and it seems like her friends love her so much.

But hey, you may be a tad bit insecure but you ain't a raging loser, you are ready to let your inner sherlock holmes out and prove a point.

"What was it again? You are not cheating and it's just all in my head?" here you are, showing him the proof of your hard work and catching him red handed.

Did he really think that you won't see him and that girl making-out in a photo that was posted by his friend a week ago.

No matter how pixelated it was or even if your eyesight is bad, you will definitely see it.

"Y/N, that is not what you think." he tried to explain, and you do not understand the reason for his panic as you confidently push him out of the flat.

"Wooyoung, I've seen, heard and smelled enough. I think it's time for you to shut the fuck up." you give him a fake smile, finally giving him a harsh strike on his chest that got him stumbling in the front of the apartment.

"Please, hear me out." he begs but no, your heart is not made out of cotton to listen to him.

Whatever befalls him, he deserves it.

"Go spend the night with your bitch and come back here tomorrow to gather your belongings while I'm at work. Goodbye."

You shut the door in his face, not paying attention to his knocks and pleas.

Finally, some peace and quiet in your mind, heart and soul.

taglist:

@acciocriativity @iarayara @stolasisyourparent @xdannix @nsixns @heartssol @vixensss @shakalakaboomboo