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astrobydalia · 3 years

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🌸OBSERVATIONS!! (finally lmao)🌱

Credit: Tumblr blog @astrobydalia

It's been a long time coming! So happy for spring being finally here! Here's the long ass observation post you guys asked for. Since it's quite a big amount of observations, I've decided it'd be a good idea to number them so that it's easier to reference them. As always, enjoy them!

🌸 1. Lilith in the 2nd house can indicate something fishy going on with the relationship between the native’s parents.

🌱 2. Malefic placements such as pluto, chiron, Saturn or Lilith in the 12th indicates a lot of skeletons in the closet when it comes to family and family history

🌸 3. Chiron in Aries/1st house or Leo/5th house is kind of bitch placement. The person basically feels like they can’t be themselves and there’s a lot of self-denial and/or not accepting themselves, how they really are, what they really want, etc. Lots of self-esteem issues

🌱 4. People with sexual placements in the 2nd house (Mars, Venus, Lilith, Eros, ruler of the 8th house) base their self-worth on how sexually attractive they are. If they don't feel sexually desirable to everyone, they feel like they're shit

🌸 5. Lilith is what people think Pluto/Scorpio is!!!! All that stuff about magnetic, sexual and intoxicating but dangerous? Lilith.

🌱 6. Scorpio/Pluto in 4th could mean that the person had to work hard to survive something growing up. It could be poverty, their parents’ expectations, an early trauma, etc. Whatever the situation is, the native felt like they grew up in a high-stress environment where they had to endure and survive

🌸 7. When it comes to degrees, the higher the degree, the bigger or stronger the effect. For example Leo degrees (5º, 17º, 29º) are fame degrees. 5th degree would give small fame, 17th degree would be normal and significant fame or recognition inside the person’s field and 29th degree is moreso widespread or permanent fame

🌱 8. Saturn in the 5th house is a huge indicator of turning your hobby into your job. Also these people can be very awkward in their personality

🌸 9. I’ve noticed people with Neptune in the 6th (maybe 2nd) house may have been hospitalized and if Uranus or Pluto are placed here also indicates getting surgery or operations for health reasons

🌱 10. People with Uranus or Pluto in the 1st, 2nd or conjunct the ASC could get surgery due to aesthetic reason

🌸 11. Mercury dominant people (or strong Gemini energy in the chart) like to have or get things quick and easy. For example they prefer a straight forward summary over an in-depth and elaborated explanation with too many details

🌱 12. Your moon sign shows how you see your past. Your 4th house represent how you see your childhood. But your moon represents under which light you always view your past and everything that has happened in your life in general. It also shows the type of stuff from your past you tend to focus on. Since Cancer and Pisces represent past and remenaicence, that's why Cancer and Pisces moons have trouble getting over the past.

🌸 13. Your 10th house on the other hand is how you see your future. Whenever someone asks you “where you see yourself in 5 years?” your 10th house is the one that’ll be answering that question

🌱 14. Gemini moon/mars are the LEAST likely to hold grudges (unless chart says otherwise)

🌸 15. The house where you have your Neptune indicates the themes you tend to lie about, don’t give much info, say stuff about it that are misleading etc. and in consequence people might not have a clear/correct idea of this part of your life

🌱 16. Virgo risings rarely or basically never pose for pictures. They just look straight forward to the camera, sometimes smile and maybe make a small gesture like putting one hand in their pocket or tilt their head but that’s it. (Virgo = minimalism)

🌸 17. Scorpios really don’t give a single fuck they just DON’T 😭💀 Remember this sign is all or nothing, they either care too or don't care AT ALL

🌱 18. I said it once and I’ll say to a hundred times more: Geminis are not two-faced, it’s LIBRA!! Seriously Libras are the FAKEST people I’ve ever met. Why? Because it's ruled by the planet of love (Venus), which means Libra has a knack for being liked by everyone and making everyone feel liked. HOWEVER Libra is an AIR sign and air represents mind, NOT feelings. In conclusion, Libra can make you feel "loved" (venus) and still not give a damn about you bc its air nature makes them prone to emotional detachment. That's why they are able to roast you and make it look like they're complimenting you, specially when they have Scorpio mercury.

🌸 19. Just like you look at where’s the ruler of your rising sign to get more info on your rising, check the ruler of your Sun sign for more info on your personal identity (check sign and house). For ex. I have Virgo Sun in the 9th. Ruler of Virgo=Mercury. I have mercury in Libra in the 10th house which makes me more serious (10th house) and diplomatic/people pleaser (Libra)

🌱 20. If you found that you “couldn’t” do what’s previously described because you’re a Leo sun, check the degree and decan of your Sun

🌸 21. I’ve noticed mercury retrograde people are the type of individuals who always know exactly the right things to say. You’ll always see them take a couple of seconds before answering but they tend to give very good responses

🌱 22. I’ve noticed many women with Virgo Venus/Sun/MC/Lilith have been slut-shamed at some point of their life or they’ve been seen as promiscuous/sexual/etc.

🌸 23. Capricorn moons are not emotionless machines. The thing with these natives is that their mothers treated them like an adult the second they came out of the womb, so basically they skipped the “love and affection” stage and went straight to the “grow up” stage, but they can love really hard and real deep (Capricorn is deep down a very sentimental sign). They are very ride or die people tbh, they are very patient, accepting and understanding

🌱 24. I've noticed that people at first deny their rising sign in Vedic astrology, but eventually they end up accepting it and they actually end up relating to it a lot. I feel like this is because our rising sign in Vedic astrology is usually the sign of our 12th house in Western astrology, which leads me to believe that our 12th house sign is not our shadow side but more like our deep subcontious personality and that's why we have a hard time accepting it when we see it as our rising sign in Vedic astrology. It's like your rising sign (in western) is the director of the play but your 12th house is the energy that previously wrote the script

🌸 25. So many celebrities have moon in the 11th house. Also this placement indicates that you had a mother that put you out there constantly like posting everything about you on social media, bringing you to big events or your mom was “famous” in some capacity

🌱26. Gemini risings tend to believe everything they are told. More specifically, once they find someone that knows a little bit more than them they’ll believe everything they teach them and will most likely rely on them intellectually, for advice, guidance, etc. This is bc they have DSC in Sagittarius which makes them see the people they associate with as masters and mentors while, as a Gemini rising, they identify as an apprentice.

🌸27. Both 8th house and 12th house have been associated with secrets. The different is that the 8th house represents what you CONTIOUSLY and deliberately hide from others and most likely deny to yourself (or not, depends on the person). 12th house on the other hand represents subconscious, things that are hidden even from you and you didn’t even know were hidden. 4th house is not necessarily secrets, it represents privacy, like when people have a sanctuary to just relax, unwind and feel secure, that’s the 4th house.

🌱28. Sun or Moon in the 4th house will make you a sociable but private person.

🌸29. Sun or moon in the 8th house will make you an intriguing and mysterious person.

🌱30. Sun or moon the 12th house makes you a very elusive or wishy-washy person

🌸31. I’ve seen many Scorpio sun/moon/mars/rising individuals obsessed with the idea of being prepared for a catastrophe. They could be the type to, for example, have some saved cash just in case something bad happens with their bank money, have a backup account just in case their main one gets deleted, could have a “leave before you get left” philosophy, etc.

🌱32. Is it just me or the astro community talks a lot about Aries moons???

🌸33. I’ve noticed people with 4th house in Virgo could have been raised in a very judgemental household where there was lots of taboos and prejudice as to what’s right and what’s not and the family was too preoccupied with a perfect and immaculate reputation. For example could have been raised with values such as “only criminals wear tattoos” or “you should stay celibate till marriage or else you’re a whore”, etc. and if the native broke those rules they could have been very criticized and almost loathed by the family. They native could have been highly criticized in general by their family

🌱34. I’ve noticed women that have their moon harshly aspecting Pluto, Uranus and Mars or overall have a very afflicted moon tend to have very painful period cramps

🌸35. Something I have noticed with Venus or Moon conjunct Saturn people is that the concept of unconditional love sounds like alien language to them. That of course doesn’t mean they can’t love but they have this deep belief that they have to achieve something in order to deserve love and stuff like that

🌱36. Also, I just noticed that people with Saturn conjunct sun/moon/Venus/ASC, Capricorn big 3 or Capricorn degrees in personal placements have gone through IT man, specially on an internal level. I've noticed going through depression is a common theme for people with this Capricorn/Saturn influence

🌸37. Virgo Suns could often struggle to find balance between having healthy ego and being humble.

🌱38. Also people with Virgo+Leo energy are the MOOOOST judgmental people out there. Imagine ego mixed with a sense of knowing what’s correct. They tend to believe they’re morally superior and easily liable people as inferior

🌸39. The underdeveloped energy of a sign asimilates negative traits of its sister sign. For example underdeveloped Virgo is overly perfectionist and judgmental to the point where they have unrealistic expectations (Pisces)

🌱40. On the other hand the developed version of a sign is balanced out by understanding its sister sign. For example Leo knows they are unique and special and deserves recognition but understands everyone is also unique in their own way (Aquarius)

🌸41. I’ve noticed a person can very easily manifest the stereotypical characteristics of the sign that naturally rules the house where their chart ruler is. For example if someone’s chart ruler (ruler of the ASC) is in the 7th house the person can easily manifest stereotypical characteristics of Libra like being a people pleaser

🌱42. Sagittarius ASC/Mars people are all fun, amicable and outgoing.... until they don’t get their way. They will get away from people and situations that won’t give them what they want and they can genuinely dislike people solely because those people don’t let them have their way. They tend to go around life like they have a free pass to get away with everything they want.

🌸43. People with ASC-Neptune aspects don’t have a very reliable vision of reality or themselves to be honest. I don’t know how people with this aspect haven’t lost their mind already. They are prone to subconsciously manipulating or easily getting manipulated. With hard aspects this is a lot more obvious but I’ve noticed with easy aspects this energy tends to go almost unnoticed and they easily get away with stuff

🌱44. Have seen many famous people with North node in the 2nd, 5th, 11th and 12th houses specially

🌸45. Air risings or air dominance with Sagittarius placements/degrees are people who love cartoons/animations/videogames regardless of their age.

🌱46. When I got into astrology I didn’t understand why Sun is in detriment in Libra, but oh man... All Libras I’ve met had HUGE issues with trusting themselves. They doubt themselves 24/7 and that’s not even an exaggeration and I’ve noticed they actually may have grown up doubting themselves for some reason or they had a family (their dad) that caused this feeling in them. Also I’ve seen that those Libras with Scorpio placements feel like they have to hide something about themselves otherwise they’ll be rejected. Yes they are endlessly charming, but that's because they have essentially created their personality around the desire of being liked/accepted. They always need to feel they have SOMEONE. Their sense of self, INDIVIDUALITY, independence and assertiveness is lost in the process. Unless they have fire and specially Aries placements to balance this out they can feel like they have no personality and that’s why they are often perceived as fake or shallow.

🌸47. Literally ALL Virgo placements one way or another will always suggest a way to solve your problems when giving emotional support

🌱48. I have a theory that, since 4th house is how you were raised, your home and your parents, your 10th house is how you’d be as a parent yourself and the type of home you’ll create yourself

🌸49. Contrary to my expectations, I’ve seen priests having a much more prominent 4th house (many times combined with 8th house/Scorpio energy) than 12th house. People with 12th house placements or stellium seem to prefer artistic fields rather than classic spirituality

🌱50. The house where you have your Pluto is a house you just can NOT take lightly EVER. This area of your life feels like a heavy topic to you in some way (you are either obsessed with it, find It traumatic, get extremely defensive over it, find it spiteful, you feel everything goes wrong, etc, etc.) Can also apply to the house where you have the sign of scorpio

🌸51. In synastry, Venus falling in the 12th house creates a healing dynamic in the relationship, the connection can feel cathartic specially for the house person. The house person might tend to always be comforted by the venus person’s support, always feel better (or even energetically “cleansed”) after being with them. The venus person never judges the house person and accepts them and is always willing to be there.

🌱52. I’ve noticed this pattern in people with mutable moons where they have absent mothers in some shape or form. Their mother is very inconsistent, she always comes and goes. Very often the native may have felt like their mother always “left them be” (virgo moon moms put restrictions but eventually are rather flexible)

🌸53. People with cardinal moons have bossy mothers. In many cases they can have the type of mother that is constantly making decisions for them, like their mother decides what/where they’re going to study for example (the house tells what type of things the mother tends to make decisions on).

🌱54. People with fixed moons have possesive and protective moms. While mutable moons have absent mothers, natives with fixed moons have mothers that are ALWAYS there in some shape or form. At the very least the influence of the mother is always there and they always have this sense of “loyalty” towards their mom.

Credit: Tumblr blog @astrobydalia

That's it for now, next observation post is just as long but much better, stay tuned and safe loves 💕

#astrology #astro #astro notes #astro observations #zodiac

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goldengoodness-aura · 3 years

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Saturn-Uranus aspects~ The pain of individuation

When Saturn and Uranus make contact in the birth chart (hard ones) it can indicate huge trauma on the physical body, and also a lot of difficulties in the process of becoming oneself. Saturn represents the physical world, as well as our limits and the rules and structures of patriarcal societies. When Saturn-Uranus make hard aspects, it's very possible to feel as if those harsh social systems are crushing your soul and stealing your life source and you aren't able to free yourself and live your life. As I've already said in other posts, Uranus represents multimensional energy, so, I can suggest that this patter is happening in a large number of lifes and the spirit is probably at the very frist stages of individuation, which means that, at your deepest core, you have a huge desire to create your own life, but you also feel hostage of many pressures from authorities, hierarchy and "the way the world has been build". You may feel a puppet of patriarchy. Or you may have been persecuted or arrested for trying to do something to change your life and the life of people around you for the better. You may feel the need to break the chains, but, at the same time, so much fear and so many emotions of deep constriction (including physical constriction) may be under the surface and become obvious when you try to give some step towards freedom and your own self. It's very common for people with this aspects (although not everyone will resonate with this because it really depends on the overall soul planning) to feel suffocated by what's socially expected from them, by their parents, by teachers, by school/university, by their work environment, anyway, by everything that represents the "normality" as it has been stabilized. Actually, it's pretty common for them to feel as if they are living a lie, that they are "selling" their own heart, soul, their own energy, that they are tering themselves apart because of this inner paradox of wanting to express their individuality and being TOO afraid to do that (again, have compassion for yourself because this fear has very real roots. Talk to your body and let it show to you the trauma that it carries)

For people who feel that way, I want to say that you have to recognize this huge challenge within your own inner self and affirm to yourself that, even with all of this pain, you DO have the right to be yourself. Yes, YOU DO! Many parts of you may disagree, and they may be very hurt and sad and they may express how much burden and abuse they have been through, but now you do have the right to step in your own two feet and scream your inner self out WITHOUT GIVING A SHIT. FUCK YOU, WORLD, I'M GONNA TO BE MYSELF THIS TIME, AND I'M GOING TO HEAL MYSELF, I'M GOING TO RESPECT MYSELF AND I'M NOT A SLAVE ANYMORE, I'VE NEVER BEEN. I'M A FUCKING DIVINE BEING WITH ALL THE RIGHT TO BE HERE AND YOU CAN'T FOOL ME ANYMORE. NOW I'LL EMBODY MY STRENGTH AND MY WISDOM AND I'LL LIVE THE LIFE I WANT TO LIVE!!!!!!

Always remember that, at the core of all existence, we are all equals, no matter what our human selfs have gone through. You do need to take your feelings seriously, not because they are the ultimate true, but because they will show you what you need to release from your emotional, psychological, physical and energetic bodies to be able to feel more intensely and consciously the amazing beauty and the unconditional freedom of your own soul.

A special thank you to Snowkestrel for inspiring me to write about Saturn-Uranus on the birth chart. By the way, you asked about the quincunx between this two. Quincunx are extremely hard aspects, because they represent huge crises (quincunx are associated with virgo and scorpio, which are the symbols of huge personal transformation, as well as huge pain). I'd say that Saturn quincunx Uranus would have major difficulties to understand even the concept of being able to be "free" or being able to be oneself in a system like the one we live. It'd be something like: OMG, what are you talking about? I don't have a clue. I know this is not the case for everyone with this aspects, because people are much more than their birth chart, people are extremely complex, but I'd suggest that this symbols can represent that inner confusion. Also, like a said, many many many possible physical traumas, in a large number of the soul other-lifes.

If you read this post, let me know if it ressonates. And also always remember to be gentle with yourself if it does. Take a deep breath, stretch, go drink some water and respect your incredible complexity. And decide that you are ready to heal, even if it's hard, decide that you are a divine being living a human experience and even the most painful things are not who you are at your essence.

#saturn #uranus #saturn square uranus #saturn conjunct uranus #saturn quincunx uranus #saturn trine uranus #saturn sextile uranus #trauma #pyshical trauma on the birth chart #astrology #past lifes #healing #trauma recovery #individuation

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austarus · 3 years

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HR Wells x Reader - Reversal of Denouement

*A/N: The picture/edit/gif does not belong to me. It belongs to its rightful owner.

**Please don’t forget to comment, like, and reblog. It means a lot to content creators of all kinds!

***I’d also like to thank @grimtamlain-writes for being my beta reader.

Word Count: 8251

MASTERLIST

A low groan left HR's lips. His body felt numb, his chest ached - tingled as his heart beats steadily. Is it beating? The darkness of his eyelids eased the stinging coming from his mind – it wasn’t so bright. The headache formed there. His body screamed at him as the novelist made the slightest of movement. His left shoulder in particular had protested in desperate agony. He couldn’t move it very much, the area succumbed to restraints of some sort. HR’s throat felt raw as his body throbbed, the blood coursing meticulously through his blood vessels. The sound of a soft voice greeted his ears, but his eyes refused to open.

"I... you, HR... even if... see it." The voice was so familiar, so gentle. So sweet. "Should... better." A drop of water hit his numbed hand, static still prominent there from the little movement his body had done. “I wish…” The dark-haired doppelganger could only understand fragments of what the speaker was saying. He felt a pressure on his hand, tender skin holding onto his before something tickled his forehead. Feather-light. What was it? Who was it? A few moments passed and he heard nothing, the novelist only assumed that the voice’s owner had left. He didn’t want to be alone right now though, not with the darkness.

It had become unbearable.

Since... Since when did…? How...? Oh. Right. Savitar... Am I dead? Is this where spirits wait for their turn to pass into their designated afterlife? Have I really...? Events from earlier resurfaced to his mind, his senses coming together. Right, had to protect Iris. For Barry – it was my fault Savitar had gotten to her. My big mouth. Even if Barry didn't really see me as a helpful friend. At least... At least I proved Savitar wrong, who ironically is a version of Barry. That's hella twisted. He huffed out a breath before venturing back into the calmness of sleep. Maybe a little more rest will help?

***

HR cracked an eye open: this time, harsh filtered light had greeted him. The novelist grunted in pain, adjusting himself slightly to assess where he was. What day was it? What was the time? How long have I been here? A yawn left his lips this time, his throat and mouth as dry as a desert.

“Well look who finally decided to wake up?” HR’s eyes met Cisco’s, who stood with a tablet in hand. “How’s sleeping beauty feeling?”

The Wells doppelganger cleared his throat. “Like I’ve gotten assaulted by an Amtrack bus, and not the good kinds.” HR’s baby blue eyes scanned the room, landing on the flower vase that was set on a table near him. Blue forget-me-knots and pink hydrangeas stood proudly in their vases, nurtured well. HR felt his heart swell, his eyes not daring to leave the delicate petals that accented the med bay in better tones. Cisco handed him a cup of water to which HR downed it immediately.

“Amtrack does trains.”

“Not on my Earth, Francisco.” The author couldn’t help but ask, his eyes lingering on the flowers once more. “Did Tracy bring those?”

Cisco pursed his lips, an odd look present on his face. He wanted to tell HR, but… “No. Um, she didn’t.” Tracy had been visiting, though it had become some sort of a nuisance to all her complaining at this point. She hadn’t even known HR for that long, anyway.

“Oh?” His shoulders dropped subtly in disappointment. “They’re beautiful, I was just wondering and…”

“Let’s just say, a special someone’s been… dropping by and bringing a new flower each day. That’s all you’re getting from me, Aurora.” Cisco reasoned with the Wells doppelganger. The mechanical genius knew, but it wasn’t his place to say. It killed him, but… “I wouldn’t move around too much, if I were you. You’ve got a fractured shoulder and that chest wound. I’ve been told to relay the message that you’re to be on strict bed rest until that shoulder further heals.” HR lowered his gaze to see the cross-body sling. He clenched his slinged hand and unclenched it to bring some feeling into the limb.

“What about my chest?”

“Miraculously, that’s been healing really well since day one.” Cisco kept the talk real, showing the injured doppelganger the schematics and pictures. “You got lucky that it missed your heart by a centimeter.” A stab wound like that should have… I wonder if she knows that I know.

HR blinked at the seriousness in his injury, the looming idea of death from his decision. “How long was I out?”

“A week and a half.”

“What?” HR’s eyes widened in disbelief. “I-”

“HR!” Tracy’s sudden voice pierced the room, stunning Cisco and triggering an ache in HR’s head. The grad scientists shuffled over to him, both forgetting that Cisco was in the room. “HR, my love, how are you? Are you feeling okay? Is there any pain?” He continued checking his friend’s vitals and adjusting dosages to the IV and morphine administered – as per your request. The room was growing ever louder with HR and Tracy. Tracy embraced him, minding his injuries as she continued to fuss over him. It made the Wells writer smile, yet… his heart didn’t swell as much as it used to.

Odd.

Cisco sent you a quick text while the two were preoccupied, but you were already at the Labs. You stopped just outside the entrance, the wall and dimly light hallway obscuring you from who remained in the med bay. They wouldn’t be able to see you from where you stood. A shaky breath left you as you clutched the Freesia flower in hand. Your heart shriveled in your chest as you backtracked. Hearing his voice is enough. After all, with Tracy around you couldn’t be near him – those dirty and hateful looks she’d send you. Best to keep my distance, I guess. You couldn’t help but sneak a peek at him though, the man who had unknowingly captured your heart and would never reciprocate your love. You pushed down the lump in your throat. Hastily, you sent Cisco a text to check on the flowers. Silently, you trailed away from the med bay and to the upper levels of STAR Labs. I wonder if he liked the flowers. Standing at such altitude with the wind blowing lightly had calmed you a bit. Looking down at the flower, you gripped it tightly before you began to pick off the petals one by one. The little moments you had with the goofy novelist surfaced to the forefront of your mind with each petal you held. Your little curious escapades. The little talks. The nights you’d visit him when Tracy wasn’t around.

“He loves me, he loves me not,” You murmured, a stray tear trickled down your cheek. The freesia symbolizes unconditional love and honor. “He loves me, he loves me not,” Your voice cracked as more tears fell. “He loves me, he loves me not…”

***

A frown presented itself on HR’s lips as he tilted his head to crack his neck. The crack relieved him tremendously. It didn’t make sense. The novelist mused to himself, setting aside the current chapter draft he was working on. The voice I heard was… different. It didn’t sound like Tracy’s. HR couldn’t get that voice out of his mind – the tenderness that was laced in the tone of that voice. Nothing like the slight shrill in Tracy’s. He eyed the flowers once more that day, their presence was prominent. If Tracy hadn’t brought those, then who had?

The team had helped situate HR in his room in order to vacate the med bay should another imminent event occur. He had overheard Cisco tell Wally that you were preoccupied with something in Star City – a bit of disappointment twinged inside him. HR had taken up doing bits of physical therapy for the rest of his body without moving his shoulder as much. His shoulder and arm remained in a crossbody sling. The flowers sat on his bedside counter; he tended to them as best as he could with the limited movement he had. Tracy protested that they don’t need to be around, but the novelist was vehement on keeping the plants. HR won’t deny the fact that he had gotten annoyed several times with her around when he needed thinking space for his writing. He couldn’t write with noise and nonsensical chatter, especially if it’s mainly coming from someone who doesn’t want to really listen to his input. She’d go on and on about her scientific research and such, but wouldn’t hear a word from HR regarding his writing. The longer the novelist was confined to his room for rest, the more he had time to think – to contemplate. Yes, he liked Tracy, but… it just seemed that she didn’t really see HR. She does all the talking; she doesn’t really ask about how I feel about things or ask me about my life, even things about Earth-19… It’s like she doesn’t see me for anything other than a pretty face. It’s not even my face that Tracy sees, just Randolph’s. Was I too quick to jump at the first person who showed interest in me? Had I rushed into ‘forever’ with her?

He tabled those thoughts for now. HR reached for his laptop; one hand opened it to start it up. While the device loaded, he grabbed his black-clear glasses and set them on his face. If anyone saw him as such, they wouldn’t be able to tell the physical difference between him and his handsome, yet grumpy doppelganger. Except for the eyebrow scar, but that was obscured by the glasses. HR did a couple of searches with a concentrated look. Surely, it was the person with that… angel-like voice.

“Hydrangeas,” HR whispered as his eyes skimmed over the text that had popped up. “The hydrangea represents gratitude, grace and beauty. It also radiates abundance because of the lavish number of flowers and the generous round shape. Its colors symbolize love, harmony and peace.” The Wells doppelganger scrolled further. “Pink hydrangeas symbolize heartfelt emotions.” Interesting. HR continued his research, glancing at the other flower type that resting in the vase. “Forget-me-nots symbolize true love and respect. When you give someone these tiny blooms, it represents a promise that you will always remember them and will keep them in your thoughts. They are also considered a symbol of fidelity and faithfulness.” A particular link caught his eye, he clicked on it. The novelist read to himself the text once more, “Based on Christian lore, the story about forget-me-nots is that God was walking in the Garden of Eden. He saw a blue flower and asked it its name. The flower was a shy flower and whispered that he had forgotten his name. God renamed the flower as forget-me-not saying that He will not forget the flower.”

HR swallowed thickly; contrary to popular belief around here, he wasn’t stupid. Sure, he wasn’t a science-based genius, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t an expert on other aspects of life and had basic common sense. The author was emotionally intelligent and intact with the world around him. These flowers weren’t picked out on accident. But who would do that? Who doesn’t want me to forget about them? The dark-haired man shook his head slightly as he shut his laptop. A surge of sadness welled inside him at the notion of ‘being forgotten’. Who had he done that to? He’d get to the bottom of this mystery in due time. Right now, I need to jog my memory on what I was writing. A hand found a rough draft paper, his eyes scanned over the words he had typed out. His brows creased as the written notes he’d made on the paper as well. (Y/N) … I had… What had I been writing about again? The novelist read each line, each note he had made no drafts and scratch paper.

The hairs at the back of his neck stood up as realization hit him the more he had read on. The drafts, the notes, all of it – the little novel he had been writing regarding his adventures. But this particular part of his story – the ‘angel’ in his story. The one who stuck by him since coming here, the one who had given him a safe space… And the one he hadn’t seen since waking up. How could he forget? HR lowered the paper; his eyes became half-lidded as guilt shot through him. Before Barry had gone to the future and gotten hints of Tracy with her Speed Bazooka, HR had been working on his book. A book that he had pushed off to stick with Tracy and help in any way that he can to make the speed weapon possible. He had gotten distracted from doing the things he loves. A few conjectures arose in his mind as he slipped his glasses off, one arm end pressed to his lips. His heart hammered into his chest; you were among the last faces he had seen before passing out that night.

The irony. How could I forget that (Y/N) was the ‘angel’ in my story?

***

“Look at you, up and at ‘em.” Cisco strolled into the lounge with a cheeky grin. The mechanical genius didn’t take HR for granted anymore, not with the stunt he pulled. No, Cisco willingly checked up on him – not just for you, but for himself. HR had truly become one of his close friends in the end, especially with all the advice about Gypsy. “What are you cooking up this time?”

“Just an omelet with a side of bacon and toast, Francisco,” HR turned to the mechanical engineer who continued to tinker away at the schematics to get Barry out of the Speedforce. He offered Cisco some with a gesture only for the scientist to politely decline. “I haven’t seen (Y/N) anywhere. Um, is she also…?”

“Oh, you know how she’s like. Either up in the vents or chilling in her birds’ nest on the roof. And on that note, our resident hummingbird has become quite the firecracker.”

HR raised an eyebrow at his friend. “How so?”

“She punched Savitar square in the face then decked him multiple times over when Barry brought him in. Harry had to be the one to pull her away – well, more like carry her away kicking and screaming bloody murder at him. It sounded badass; wish I had been there to see it.”

The Wells doppelganger gritted his teeth at the mental image of Harry carrying you – touching you. The thought ruffled his feathers for some reason. HR expertly masked his irritation, turning the stove off and assembling the food on his plate. “Why?”

“Because he hurt you, HR.”

“…”

“He almost killed you.” And that was unforgivable, especially to her. “We almost lost you. She almost lost you.”

A rough sigh escaped HR as Cisco had sent him a knowing look before exiting the STAR Labs lounge. The Earth-19 man chewed on the inside of his cheek. Only a fool would misunderstand Cisco’s subtle intentions. HR knew what he had to do – he’d been reflecting on his time here, thinking about the people around him, about the relationships he’s formed. The novelist glanced outside – the sun shined, the birds chirped, and the trees rustled with the wind.

And the world continues to move on.

***

“When are you going to tell him?”

“…” You tensed at the abrupt voice. You snapped your head up, eyes darting to find Cisco approaching you with pocketed hands in his gray-black jacket. He wore a Bulbasaur shirt. The clouds surged by with the intensity of the breeze. Your hair blew over your shoulders slightly. Tilting your head, you turned back to watch the city. Days had passed and you refused to see HR, content on what Cisco had been telling you. He’d been recovering tremendously well, but… you didn’t really want to hear about what he and Tracy were up to. It wounded you. “Tell who, what?”

“You know exactly who I’m talking about, Ms. I’m-going-to-put-my-feelings-in-a-box.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Ohohohoho, no. I am tired of the love eyes, the lingering gazes, the pining. It ends.” Your best friend came to sit down next to you with that frustrated look on his face. “I know you have powers.” Your heart stopped in your chest at his accusation. “I know you used your powers to heal HR.” You bit down on your lip, not wanting to validate his statement. Cisco saw “I analyzed the wounds, looked at his healing at a microscopic level. I’m not Caitlin, but even I can pick up a few things. His cells were excelled to heal, but there were residues of your genetic markers at the wound point. You stitched his wounds together, cell-by-cell. My point is: why didn’t you say anything? Your powers are a-”

“-A curse.”

“What?”

“They’re a curse.” You threw a hard look at Cisco, making sure your hands wouldn’t touch him. “I can’t be playing God, Cisco. And… it’s unpredictable, volatile. I could either heal the life in my hands or take it away. I could rip someone ‘cell-by-cell’, Cisco. There’s no ‘in between’, not this time. He got lucky with my powers. He got lucky I didn’t make things 100% irreversible.”

“But why didn’t you say anything?” Cisco eyed the gloves you wore; it wasn’t the season for leather gloves.

“Because I didn’t want to give anyone false hope.”

“You don’t want to give yourself false hope, you mean.”

“…I can’t even heal a plant, Cisco. No matter how hard I tried, it wilted further. It’s a curse.”

“That’s not guaranteed every time, you know. It takes practice – discipline to get your powers to work with you instead of for you.” He nudged your shoulder with his, turning his gaze to the flock of birds drifting through the wind. “You know, he broke up with Tracy.”

“Ok?”

“Happened a week ago. She didn’t take it well and let me tell you. Tracy Brand was livid – the rage and yelling were off the charts. I think she has Harry beat. I knew it wasn’t going to last anyway, it was too superficial to begin with.”

“Uh huh.” You tried to sound uninterested, but deep down you were relieved. You heard a little ring in your ear. You wondered…

“She’s gone, won’t be coming here anymore.

“Ok.”

“So, go make your move.”

You turned abruptly to face him. “Cisco, have you thought that maybe HR doesn’t want to dive into a relationship right away? That… maybe he needs space to focus on himself?” All were things you had contemplated for yourself before.

“And what better way to do that than with a new roommate.”

“Excuse me?”

“Surprise, you’re getting a temporary roommate while we fully fix up things around the labs. I volunteered you since you have the space and the patience to deal with HR.” Your blood froze in your veins.

“Francisco Ramon, I am going to-”

“-Thank me, you’re going to thank me.” He had already breached away before you had the chance to strangle him. Heat rushed to your cheeks at the idea of HR living with you, even if it was a temporary living arrangement. You scolded your heart for beating loudly in your chest. One hand gripped tightly to your other. An audible sigh escaped you as your mind played with the idea.

Shit, what am I going to do?

***Day 1***

Cisco blew out an exhausted breath, setting down another box on top of a box in the guest room. You and the mechanical genius had been breaching back and forth with HR’s things as said novelist was crippled. His arm would take about another four weeks to heal. About 20 percent of shoulder fractures are displaced and may require some type of manipulation to restore normal anatomy. Occasionally the rotator cuff muscles are injured or torn at the same time as the fracture. Fortunately for HR, his rotator cuff muscles weren’t as damaged. This can further complicate the treatment. Therefore, in that time, HR would just be handling the lighter stuff, bless his heart. The novelist entered the room with his black backpack slung over his functioning shoulder – it was the last thing that he could carry.

“I think there’s one more box left,” HR pointed with his thumb towards his back direction, the breach closing behind him.

“I’ll go get it, not a problem. Why don’t you two get started on unpacking, huh?” HR shrugged with one shoulder and stepped away to set his bag down by the bed. Cisco threw a cheeky look your way when HR had his back turned, his eyebrows wiggling. ‘Have fun love birds,’ the scientist had mouthed at you. You flicked him off with a deadpanned look. Instantly you dropped it when the Wells doppelganger turned as Cisco snickered before he breached away. He gave you a confused look, but you waved it off.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For allowing me to stay obviously. And for all the help since I’m, well, a bit tangled up at the moment.”

He was referring to the cross-body sling that clung onto him like a spider. HR rubbed the back of his neck, and you didn’t miss the way his bicep flexed at the motion in that gray short-sleeve shirt. Calm the fuck down, it’s just a toned muscle. You’ve seen things like that before. The puppy-like smile HR sent you had your cheeks warming up. The gentle smile that made your heart melt all over again. You cleared your throat as you reached for a box. “It’s no big deal, HR.” Undoing the tape seal with scissors, you opened the box- and the first thing you see are a pair of handcuffs accompanied by a silky black blindfold.

“What’s in the box?”

A little noise left you as you shut the flaps of the box, trying to seal it again. The flaps remained downward in the box. “Nope, nothing. Just some clothes here. I’m going to get that one box from the living room.” You had backtracked right into the door, your nose throbbed in response at the collision. “Ow,” you muttered to yourself, rubbing the skin.

“You ok?”

“I’m fine,” your response was quick, but not rude. A deep chuckle made its way to your ears as you scrambled out the room, your heart hammering in your chest. Your thoughts scolded you for being so awkward and flustered around him. Be cool, just chill out… The man you’re hopelessly in love with is just living with you temporarily, it’s not like anything will amount from this. You picked up the last box in the living room, hoping that just clothes would be in here and not anymore kink toys. I mean… I have toys, too. AW SHIT, I HAVE TO HIDE THEM!

HR’s eyes never left you as you made your panicked exit. He let out a little breath before shuffling over to the box you had been attending to. Immediately, he face-palmed hard when he had opened it with one hand. His face felt impossibly hot at what you had seen. She must think I’m an idiot or something. His mind thought back to when you helped him shop for some new clothes then it had gotten ruined from a meta. His hand fell away from his face, the image of your kind grin imprinted in his mind. I am an idiot, though. A fool.

Once Cisco returned, you three continued unpacking HR’s things for the time he’d spend here. The labs were still in ‘piss-poor’ shape according to Cisco and that he’ll need to consult with Harry and Wally regarding repairs.

“HR, how are you showering?”

“Um, like a normal person?” A dumbfounded look crossed HR’s features as he set the plate of sandwiches down. The novelist had knitted his eyebrows at Cisco. He had taken up to experimenting in the kitchen when he wasn’t writing. The tea and coffee were still brewing in your kitchen.

“No, I mean with how your shoulder is injured,” Cisco snuck an evil look at you, you returned it with a glare, “must be hard handling it alone.” You knew exactly where this dumbass wanted to take this conversation, so you stayed silent as to not get caught in the crossfire.

HR thought to himself for a moment. “Just a bit, but I’ve gotten used to the mild discomforts and pain. I can mostly reach everything thanks to my long limbs. But I think the nice thing is that it’s an internal issue, not an external one. An external injury or wound would require me to really have help with showering that way the area doesn’t get infected or irritated with the contents of soaps.” A laugh fell from his lips, but his mind wondered what his friend was playing at while you were around.

“I’m just saying, if you ever need a hand well,” Cisco trailed off with a smirk, chomping on his third sandwich.

Oh, I see. Devious, but a futile effort. “I’ll make sure you’re the first one I ask for help,” HR teased with a smirk of his own for Cisco to drop his in disgust. A cough escaped you, which had HR’s eyes land on you. Your eyes met for a moment before you deviated your gaze. HR felt hypnotized for a moment. Hm… The engineer quickly recovered from HR’s snide remark.

“Alright kids, I’ll be going now. The labs require some diligent work that I, a capable and distinguished engineer, could only do.”

“Yet, we still have the occasional security issues,” You sipped your tea once the snarky comment was out. HR stifled a chuckle, but you heard it. The corners of your mouth lifted slightly at the notion.

“Hey, that’s not fair. They always come up with something new to invade our space by.” Cisco pointed a finger at you, mocking a hurtful expression on his face. It dropped into a sneaky smile. “Make good choices and always use protection, you two!” He breached away before you could throw your cup at him.

***Multiple Days Pass***

Through his time here, you noticed HR fueled to write what’s on his mind in the guest room. You could only assume that he continued his adventure story. Sometimes he would venture out for some coffee or take a walk to give his creativity a break. Keeping that in mind, you gave HR the space he needed as well as all noises to a minimum. You knew he liked the quiet atmosphere to pour his heart and soul into words as he did research for a scene. Pulling your jacket on, you compiled a list of groceries before you stepped out of your apartment. Locking the door, you headed out to the store picking up a few necessities as well as some snacks for HR. Like Harry, the novelist can easily lose himself in his task – which meant that he tended to forget about eating and such. You found a bag of Jitters coffee beans, adding it to your cart of items. Buying some snacks and fruit, you’d leave a note in the kitchen of the snacks when he emerged from his writing cave.

On the way back, you stopped by at Iris’ studio to check up on her. A few groceries for her as well were in hand. Cecile and you did your best to visit Iris. But you can’t deny that you blamed her to a certain extent. Had she spoken up once she had left Savitar’s place disguised as HR, HR wouldn’t have been hurt that night on Infantino Street. Surely, she could have contacted her father or Cisco or something. The transition could have been smoother. HR wouldn’t have been… The journalist was faring; she pushed through the pain and as Barry had told her ‘to keep living’. So, Iris did. She hadn’t been herself since Barry went into the Speedforce – she pushed too much, the smile wouldn’t reach her eyes sometimes. You sympathized; she lost the love of her life. But you almost had too.

“How are you?”

“I’m fine, just… taking it one day at a time.” You nodded at her response, a small smile on your face. “How are things with you and HR? I heard of the temporary living conditions.”

“It’s fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. I’m in my bubble and he’s in his doing his writing.”

“Right. Nothing going on whatsoever?”

“Iris.”

Iris set her cup of hot chocolate down and raised both hands in mock defeat. “We all saw it. We all see it.”

“See what?”

“How smitten you are for him.”

“I’m not-”

“-Don’t say you’re not. If you weren’t you, Harry wouldn’t have to pry you off Savitar before you clawed his eyes out.”

“…” You just looked into your tea, the honey that settled at the bottom. Iris placed a sympathetic hand on your shoulder, but you didn’t look at her.

“The heart will want what it wants, (Y/N). Pushing your feelings into a box and denying it out loud won’t change things.”

“I know.”

And my heart wants him, over and over again. Even if he can’t see me.

***

HR tapped his pencil against the desk at a steady pace. His mind wouldn’t focus on the words in front of him, on the scene he wanted to set. Instead, it kept drifting further from it. Further towards you: your eyes, your smile, the kindness that you held; the serenity that your existence held as the world continued to turn and chaos had unfolded at each turn. HR didn’t see much of you while he was here, the novelist missed your company. You were here, but you weren’t really here. You were either in your room or at the balcony with a book or on the couch with your Switch. He didn’t want to bother you, but… sometimes HR just wanted to sit beside you and pull you close to talk. To hold you in his arms and ask you about your day, to understand what you were thinking. HR cracked his back in a stretch from where he sat on his bed, being mindful of his injured shoulder. It didn’t hurt as it had originally done a few weeks back. The Wells doppelganger noticed that you were careful to avoid touching him or him touching you. Not even a hug that you used to graciously give him. You were especially guarded with your hands. A rough sigh left him as he threw his pencil down. The frustration was setting in, he was getting nowhere. You consumed his thoughts. HR wondered if you were revolted by him but doesn’t verbalize his thoughts to you. He didn’t think you’d give him your truthful answer. Maybe she is revolted by me. She did find the cuffs and the blindfold… No, she knew about the cuff stage thing well before that.

The sound of the front door greeted his ears followed by the soft tune of music. A frown made its way onto his face. Might as well take a break. HR stretched once more when he fully stood up, a little noise of relief left his lips. He cracked his back once more before smelling himself. For safe measure, the novelist sprayed a bit of cologne on himself and turned off the candle he had on. He mentally noted to take a shower after dinner since his last was yesterday. He liked the feeling of being clean, to be honest. HR carded a hand through his hair. I need a haircut soon, too. Yeesh, I feel like I’m letting myself go. Once I’m all healed it’s back to proper cuts and the labs’ recreation room. He wanted to go back to lifting weights and doing yoga for body stability purposes – especially now because of his shoulder. HR rested a hand on his chest, the wound had healed completely, but a scar remained. Upon entering the kitchen, he saw the groceries on the table and heard you whisper along with the lyrics. The music was set to a low level that your whispers were audible enough. He watched you sway a bit with the tune.

So please don't break my heart

Don't tear me apart

I know how it starts

Trust me I've been broken before

Don't break me again

I am delicate

Please don't break my heart

Trust me I've been broken before

The guitar tune pulled at his heart, feeling the raw emotion behind the lyrics. He eyed you for a moment. HR cleared his throat to make his presence known, he knew you didn’t like to be snuck up on. However, a little gasp left you from where you were. “You went out shopping?”

You looked up from where you crouched to put away the cereal. “Uh yeah, we were running low on some stuff.” You shut the cabinet and went to the other items you had bought. The music continued to delicately play.

“Need any help?”

“Um, sure. Uh, just set these into the cabinet on the left.” Normal, be normal. He’s not going to eat you or anything. Distance is good. Distance keeps you safe. You didn’t meet his eyes, the eyes that’d pull you in and never let you out – your heart shook with him here and the song that played. You were hoping HR wouldn’t come out while you prepped dinner to have a sort of peace of mind. The next song played before you could stop it-

My last made me feel like I would never try again

But when I saw you, I felt something I never felt

Come closer, I'll give you all my love

If you treat me right, baby, I'll give you everything

“I like this song,” HR started as he was finishing up with putting his side of the groceries away. Another guitar-like song that brought out the soft feelings of love and rejection. HR mused to himself if fate had planned this out. If this was some sort of sign or a cruel joke… You had stopped yourself from clicking the button to skip the song at his comment. You don’t know what possessed you to let him indulge in another song that you’ve cried to late at night. “Hey, I can cook dinner tonight. I have something I’ve been wanting to try. I’m not that crippled so I can manage with a few cookware.” HR chuckled to himself, a goofy grin on his face. Your heart leapt in your chest; his grin caused a small smile to pull at your lips. “You can wash up first?”

You swallowed thickly, your eyes meeting his icy blues. You felt your cheeks warm up slightly as the nerves crawled up your spine. “Oh, ok. Cool, yeah. Can’t wait to see what you cook up.” You nodded, ducking your head away and shuffling out of the kitchen with that shy smile on your face. You missed the longing look he had sent you as you fastened your steps to head to your room.

God I love that smile. What goes on in that little head of yours? We used to be so close… before Tracy came into the picture. HR pulled out the spices and the chicken breast. He shook his head and proceeded to prep the food with his one useful hand. I need to consult Francisco.

***

“We need to talk,” HR’s voice broke the silence in the side lab of the Cortex. He had breached to the labs using the Breach Extrapolator after he had showered and such. His damp hair was pushed back in HR’s normal style.

“About what?” Cisco raised a concerned eyebrow at the writer, stopping what he had been doing.

“(Y/N).”

A nervous laugh left Cisco as he went back to attempting to make the necessary modifications to the Speed Bazooka. Tracy was reluctant to help the mechanical engineer after the breakup. “What about (Y/N)?” Cisco put down his screwdriver. “Did you do something weird to her?”

“What? No! I- we used to be closer. We always talked, we’d hang out after a long day here at the labs.”

“Uh huh.”

“And, maybe it’s just me, but things have changed.”

“How so?” Cisco was wondering what conclusion HR was leading himself to.

“Things changed when Tracy came into the picture.”

Cisco made a little ‘o’ with his mouth with a little nod before closing it. He pushed a rough sigh past his lips, he was getting really tired of this puppy love game. “Why do you think that?”

“Francisco, she flinches when I get close – almost when I touch her… Does she hate me?”

“I think you and I know the answer to that one. But I think the real question should be: Why do you care so much? Why does it bother you? Do you love her, HR?”

The novelist tensed a bit. “…” HR pursed his lips as Cisco walked around the table that the speed weapon was mounted on. Blueprints were scattered on one table while the glass board held variables and equations he could not decipher. “What?”

“I said what I said,” the mechanical genius smoothly responded. One look at HR and Cisco knew that he was baffled by his forward words. But they needed to be said. “Now run along and use that head of yours to think about what your heart wants. Barry isn’t going to get himself out of the Speedforce.”

***

Cisco’s words mulled through HR’s mind as he breached back to your apartment’s living room. Only the lamp light on the side table was on. HR’s eyes landed on you, who laid on the couch with the book you had been reading on the back ledge of the couch. The novelist took off his shoes and set down his bag. He had detoured to the bookstore, looking for the next installment of your current book. The Wells doppelganger had assumed you didn’t buy it yet as it was vacant from your bookshelf. The gentle giant stepped silently closer to you; the dim light cast over you like a glow. There were slight bags under your eyes. She hasn’t been sleeping well lately. Spotting a large and fluffy blanket near, HR grabs it and lays it on top of you. He remembered you mentioned to him prior that you easily get cold, especially at night. Chewing on the inside of his cheek, HR contemplated something before his body moved impulsively. The novelist placed a gentle kiss on your forehead; his lips lingered for a few more seconds. Pulling back, HR watched your chest rise and fall. He turned the light off and stumbled over to his room with his phone light guiding him. He knew what he was going to write. Cisco’s question pestered him enough though.

Do you love her, HR?

HR took one look out his door before shutting it, his heart squeezed tightly in his chest as he whispered, “Goodnight, my angel.” Only the shadows that lingered were a witness to the fondness laced in those simple words.

***

You woke up with a start, you hand instantly smacking right into your chest. Heavy breaths left you as your nerves were in overdrive. Cold sweat beaded your skin as you gasp for air. It was another night terror – the same one for a few weeks now; a new way in which you caused HR’s death. Swallowing thickly, you screw your eyes tightly shut and whisper the mantra that calmed you down. After a few minutes, you started to regain control of your breathing – the thoughts that ravaged your mind finally ceased like the tides subsiding after a tsunami. You blinked languidly, hating nights like these. They weren’t rare, but they weren’t an uncommon occurrence. Deciding that you needed to step out for some air, you did so with the intent of getting a glass of water from the kitchen. Your fingers found the lights for the dimmers in your room, setting it to its lowest setting for you to see yourself out.

Cracking the door open, you were instantly met with the scene of HR passed out on the couch again. He’s been doing that for around two weeks now, the couch his new base of operations. His mouth was slightly open as little snores escaped him. A lovestruck smile crossed your features at the sight. Papers were littered around him, on the ground, and on the tables. Must be the manuscript he’s working on for his final draft. I hope I can read it at some point. Coming back from the kitchen with the water in hand you couldn’t help but stop to admire the sight. You noticed the glasses still perched on his face. Moving as silent as a ninja, you inched closer to pull off the glasses from his face. They’ll break if he keeps them on while he sleeps. Then he won’t see for shit when reading things. You nibbled on your bottom lip as your eyes drifted to the papers. One peek won’t hurt anyone. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.

Seating yourself on the ground, you leaned your back against the foundation of the couch. You were opposite to where HR’s upper body was. If there were any telltale signs of him waking, you’d hightail out before he could fully wake up and process what you were doing. Picking up a small stack, you started sifting through them. Your mind became engrossed with the words – the beginnings of the story he had spun about his adventures as to how he came to Earth-1. Then… mentions of an angel eluded you. It couldn’t be Tracy, could it? I know they broke up, but… on the other hand, it doesn’t mean that he can’t say that she was his angel at the time. Like a character development thing leading to their break up?? Well fuck, I don’t even think he’d mention such a personal thing in his book. I know I wouldn’t… would I? I don’t know. A little smile danced at your lips while you read on about the synonymous things regarding Team Flash that you failed to notice HR rouse from sleep.

“Do you like it?” Lethargy intertwined his words. A stunned noise left you as you clutched the papers. You turned to see HR rubbing his eyes before gazing at you.

I could get lost in those eyes if I stared too long.

“Uh, yeah, its- it’s really good,” you stuttered, setting the papers down in your lap. Embarrassment of getting caught gripped you. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I don’t mind you taking a peek. I don’t have anything to be ashamed of in it.” HR shifted his lithe body to sit next to you on the ground.

“Oh.”

“Couldn’t sleep?”

“No.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“It’s not that important, I’ll be ok.”

“If you say so,” HR’s shoulders sagged slightly. “I’m here if you want to talk.” You nodded at him, whispering a little thank you. HR ran a hand over his knee, he took a glimpse at you who stared at the papers. He noticed what chapter you hand been reading – the angel was making an appearance in the story. The hair at the back of his neck stood while you thumbed the words on the paper back in forth, just lost in your mind. Your hair was messy from sleep, the bags under your eyes were still there. It killed him how you wouldn’t confide in him anymore. But he didn’t push you. You would open up to him if you wanted to or not, even if he wanted you to do so as so his mind can be at ease with knowing what’s going on with you. Cisco’s question sprang up in his mind once more before he licked his lips, his eyes watching you. “I do.”

You gave HR a strange look. I do, what?

“Tracy wasn’t her.” Realization struck HR the more you whispered with him.

“Huh??”

“I heard this voice before I woke up.” The novelist fully turned to you with intense eyes, the enlightenment in them – the fire that burned brightly. “The tenderness in it could rival any tasteful delight in the multiverse.”

“A voice?”

“Mm, it made me think that only a heavenly deity would have such a voice.” You remained silent as he spoke. “I never got to hear that voice since my coma… until now?”

You tensed at what he was insinuating. “Now?”

“How could I forget?”

“I-I don’t understand.”

“How could I forget about you?” The baritone huskiness in his voice made you melt with the way he said those words. You swallowed, trying to calm the butterflies that raged in the pit of your stomach. “The flowers that were left – beautiful, delicate, yet meaningful. You left those after visiting me.”

“…”

She didn’t deny it. “But you never visited when I was awake because of Tracy.”

“She hates me.”

“And I was too blind to see that until I broke up with her, she threw quite a fit.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry?”

“Because you must have loved her so much that it would be hard to let go.” She was your angel, after all.

“She didn’t even know me. Truly know me.”

“… Did she hurt you?”

“Slightly, but the bruise is gone.” You and he were silent for a moment. Only the sound of a distant car horn was heard from the streets. “You didn’t deny it.”

“Deny what?”

“The flowers, the visit…” HR licked his lips as a rough breath left him. His nerves were climbing, but he needed to do this. “Cisco told me what you did to Savitar when you saw him. How angry you were that Harry had to pry you off him – I was so angry.”

“Why?”

“I didn’t know then… but I know now.”

“And?”

“Tracy was never the one written in my story – she didn’t care. She didn’t see me for anything other than a pretty face obsessed with coffee. You did.” HR tucked your hair behind your ear, carefully gauging your reaction. He saw how you tried not to flinch away from him. “Do you hate me?” He asked as he retracted a hand from you, happy that he was at least getting through to you.

“Never could I feel such a way towards you.” You hesitated for a moment before testing the waters. You started to explain, “I- the night you were stabbed by Savitar I… I just broke. I pushed Tracy away, I had Barry rush you back to the labs. You were dying, unconscious on the gurney and… I got to work trying to resuscitate you. I had Cisco take care of Tracy while I worked, I needed space to think clearly, but I couldn’t. When- when the others were preoccupied with Iris’ appearance, I used these powers.” It was now or never. “I was desperate. Your life was hanging by a thread- I didn’t think it was going to work, but nothing else was working. You were bleeding so much. But I had to try. I…” Your glassy eyes locked back on his, your hands pulled close to your body. HR understood now why you never tried touching him. Why you are avoiding getting too close. “Cisco found out, he confronted me. But these powers, life isn’t guaranteed. They’re volatile, unprecedented – regardless of how I feel in the moment the balance can tip between giving a life and taking one.” There was a tightness in your chest as your voice cracked, “I’m cursed, I could hurt you.” I’m dangerous.

“I don’t think you will.”

“You don’t know that!”

“But I do,” HR reached a hand out to hold yours. Tension filled your heart as panic started to settle. “You wouldn’t let yourself hurt me. It would pain you too much.” HR squeezed your slightly shaky hand, his other hand still bound by the cross-sling. “My life is in your hands.”

“How can you trust me so much?”

“Because love cannot be built without a foundation of trust.” He placed a sweet kiss on the knuckles of your hand. “And understanding.” He took the other and kissed it, baby blue eyes shifted back to yours with such intense emotion. The adoration that filled the author to the brim for you. Just for you. Only you. The one who saw him for everything and anything that he is. His safe space – the one other thing he wanted to be for you as well. He wanted to eliminate any fears that resided in your heart, the pain and doubt that remained.

“Do you hate me?”

HR cupped your cheek tenderly as he leaned close, your heart wanted to stop as blood rushed to your cheeks and ears. Your half-lidded eyes shut slowly as his lips skimmed over your own. “Never in my life, angel,” the novelist whispered as he captured your lips in a tender and sentimental kiss.

Never in my life could I hate the one who my heart has yearned for.

#harrison wells x reader #harrison wells #hr wells x reader #hr wells #hr wells imagine #the flash cw #the flash #harrison wells imagines #earth 19 harrison wells #cw #cisco ramon #tracy brand #iris west #Iris West-Allen

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oftenderweapons · 3 years

Note

Not sure if this counts as a Drabble I’m not really familiar with it sorry! So you can ignore if you want but maybe you can do a list of BTS and the OC’s favorite kinks

[A/N: this took a very long time coming, mostly because it was a lengthy job. Sorry for the wait nonnie, I hope it’s worth it 🥴😉]

Okay! I sort of assembled this as a mix of short headcanons (there are six to eight each — also I got carried away with Jk, he’s got eleven but some are like, are more lowkey). They’re divided couple by couple and I’ve tried to be as realistic as possible, which means that some couples have some kinks in common, especially since I stayed on more well-known kinks and fetishes that represent each couple’s go-to. I do think they explore less popular kinks other than the ones I listed, however they might not go there that often.

You’ll be seeing some of these soon ;) [ILLICIT AFFAIRS WON I AM CRYING]

Uhm. Obviously there’s a lot of stuff I have to include in the trigger warnings, so bear with me.

This is obviously 18+

TRIGGER WARNINGS: discipline (brat taming, sub training), impact play (spankings, paddle, flogger, riding crop; both on ass and breasts), marking, dirty talking, choking, masturbation (male and female receiving; mututal), squirting, several fetishes (uniform, shoes, feet, voice), cock worship, breast worship, powerplay (DDLG, daddy kink; domination; mommy kink; Primal/predator-prey dynamics, pet play), orgasm control and deprivation, role play, food play, cum play/cum eating, pain kink, sensation play, temperature play, edging and overstimulation, phone sex, cyber sex, bondage, torture play/forced masturbation, tickling, anal play (buttplugs, strap on, rimming, penetration), degradation kink, corruption kink, voyeurism and exhibitionism, outdoor sex, cockwarming, oral sex (male and female receiving; facefucking male receiving; mutual), sex toys (nipple clamps, dildo, vibrator)

Not exactly kinks, more like attitudes: experimentalism, intimacy, sapiosexuality

Check out my masterlist here

Enjoy 💜✨

Namjoon and Vixen

Daddy kink; brat taming

I think it’s sort of a given, but it also needs to be included. Vixen’s first relationship was when she had just turned nineteen, with a man quite older than her. They were together for a couple years and he significantly shaped her needs in terms of intimacy and sex. Her parenting figures were really weak and she grew up with a nanny who taught her her second language, French. Namjoon — being always a very responsible very nurturing figure within the group, and somehow having the role of a mediator — is used to stubborn, hot-headed people and would probably be a bit bored with someone incapable of giving him a bit of attitude. This said, it comes quite natural that Vixen (although she is a very smart, very elegant young lady) looks for guidance in her partner, and after the responsibilities that come with her career, she looks for someone who can take decisions for her and even control her private life a little, like check that she eats and what she eats, or pick what she’s going to wear for the day. On the other hand, Namjoon likes being taken care of in other ways, namely cuddles and homecooked meals, which Vixen offers profusely. Her childlike, unconditional affection is exactly what makes Namjoon baby her, and such behaviour on his behalf encourages her to rely on him even more, letting him pamper her and spoil her. And in terms of bratting... Well, Vixen likes seeing him lose his cool — because a sick part of her (she knows it’s sick) gets horny seeing Namjoon angry. And Namjoon in returns gets even more cool and composed the more she gets feisty. He calls the shot, may she like it or not. The point is that with some cuddles, soft words (and a few good spanks) he always manages to tame her.

Spanking

Vixen likes getting spanked. And Namjoon is obsessed with her ass. He is an ass and thighs man. Fight me on this one. Nothing turns him on more than seeing her flesh quiver after the impact of a good spank. Vixen likes it simply because it condenses three of her favourite things, discipline, punishments and pain kink. Spanks are delivered both as a reward and as a punishment, and Namjoon knows how to make a distinction between the two cases, although he much prefers delivering them as a reward, since he hasn’t got much of a pain kink, and painful activities are a soft limit for him, both in terms of giving and receiving. He approves that kind of pain that is simply aimed at enhancing pleasure. Vixen really likes spanks delivered with the bare palm of a hand, since those are the one that she perceives as the most “educational”; however she also likes the paddle, the hairbrush and other more tricky devices (that you will discover soon *wink*).

Marking

Namjoon is crazy for marking Vixen. He is very jealous of her and their relationship staying on the low means that he can’t actually claim her publicly. They both try to protect their relationship for as long as possible, and I can quite see him deciding to keep it private until he’s been married to her for a while. But he’s gonna mark his baby, especially in spots that are only his and hers to see. His absolutely favourite spot would be her hip tattoo, of course, where he always places the first hickey of the night; next her inner thighs, her crotch and her breasts (lovely tiny cherries, he loves them the most). When she allows him, he also leaves hickeys on her neck and chest. Obviously her butt too. He also likes biting, especially her ass (until he leaves bruises and/or actual indentations) and her inner thighs — the softer parts. Vixen also marks him when he’s not on a schedule, when they’re on vacation and they can let loose a little. He especially likes it when she leaves scratches on his back and shoulders, but he also enjoys hickeys on his chest and thighs when she’s on her way to giving him head.

Sapiosexualilty; dirty talking

We all know these two have filthy tongues. They’re sapiosexuals, so they’re turned on by mind games, smart use of language, verbal sparring etcetera. They’re both readers and intellectuals, which means they enjoy a polished, often obscure use of language. They’re the most likely to send each other texts (or even emails) where they simply wax poetic about fucking each other. They can literally send a text at nine am about some spicy play they intend to do later that night, let excitement build all day long and — as soon as they get home — they wait and see who’s the one that surrenders (spoiler: usually Joon because Vixen is a brat and brats are tough eggs to crack). In bed, Vixen loves listening to Namjoon’s voice, no matter if he’s talking about how good it feels to be inside her or if he makes romantic love declarations in midst of a rowdy fuck. Also they might argue while they have sex or pick stupid fights just to release some tension (totally the type to start a discussion as they choose the mirror for the bathroom, Vixen picking round while Namjoon picks rectangular, embarrassing the shopping assistant as they get into hard bickering heavy with sexual tension).

Choking

This is a new one, to both of them. Vixen had never toyed with it before, since she risked drowning when she was a child so she’s not a fan of anything that involves breath control. Still, she didn’t imagine she could be turned on by choking her partner. The first time Namjoon grabs her wrist and brings her hand to his neck she freaks out a little, but then she gets a grip (haha) and realises that seeing him that fucked out, and hearing him moan like that is something most definitely turning her on. Namjoon has a sensitive neck and chest, so having Vixen touching him there makes his soul leave his body; furthermore, the level of trust required leads us right onto the next kink.

Intimacy

I realise this is not exactly a kink, however it is a necessary condition for things to get sexy between these two. Namjoon and Vixen need special closeness for things to work out. Talking, flirting, but also sharing physical closeness and affection, occupying the same mental space. They don’t need to be making love for things to be very emotional. Even the angriest, rowdiest of fuckings to them is actually a very fond way of saying ‘I love you’. I think that out all the kinks this is the most difficult to explain. I suppose this is what makes them incredibly talented even at good ol’ plain vanilla.

Mutual Masturbation

I think these two just do that a lot. They’re extremely comfortable with having the other watch as they touches themselves. I think it started with Vixen being her shameless, teasing, kinky self and Namjoon being incapable of holding back, and then it naturally evolved into both him and her openly touching themselves for the other to see. I think they learn by watching so observing the other and seeing how they do it is how they master their technique.

Lingerie and shoe fetish

Namjoon is obsessed with Vixen’s sexiness, how she carries herself, how much charisma and self confidence she can muster when she is almost naked. I’ve always seen Namjoon extremely attracted to Vixen’s body and seeing it there, with the bare necessities covered by expensive and lush lace and silk, or even in funny cotton drawers with innocent prints is a ticket to Nirvana for Namjoon. I bet you can imagine Vixen lounging on the bed, provocatoriously clad in black lace as she reads a book, and Namjoon entering the room, ready to pounce on her with predatorial intents.

Jin and Angel

Cockworship

We all know that Jin comes from several vanilla experiences, during which he always kept his basest instincts at bay. Once Angel gives him the green light, he’s not letting go. Angel loves celebrating his virility in all ways possible, showing how much she appreciates a part of him that he has felt ashamed of, in some ways. And Jin gets extremely turned on by the simple view of Angel kneeling before him, looking at him as he touches himself, begging to touch and/or kiss his cock. He gets wild with it, especially if you sum that up with Jin being especially interested in discipline. Watching Angel worship his cock with her hands, mouth, tits gives him that sense of power and authority that enhances his dominance and turns him into a cocky, power-hungry beast, ready to do anything to quench his thirst, fulfill his desires and almost entirely ignore Angel’s needs — don’t worry, she actually gets off to Jin getting what he wants on whichever terms he deems necessary.

Power play

Jin likes having power. Being more powerful than Angel is one of the mental tricks he uses to keep himself from going vanilla. The powerful position is what allows him to call the shots, choose what to do and actually claim what he wants and needs. Watching Angel kneel in front of him, with her eyes low until he calls for her attention is one of his biggest turn-ons. And Angel is way more than okay with this: watching Jin take control and knowing that she is pleasing him, that any activity they’re getting into is bound to make Jin loud and messy and fucked out, is the strongest aphrodisiac. When in a vanilla mindset, Jin can’t quite understand (yet) what pushes Angel into pleasing him and how much his pleasure means to her, as they’re still at the beginning of their sexplorations. The more they get familiar with each other’s roles and needs, the more Jin finds pleasure in ruling over Angel and watch her stare at him with her big, beautiful, hungry eyes.

Orgasm control/deprivation

Jin’s need for power manifests in different ways. The fact that Jin comes from several years of vanilla and self control, and Angel has gotten used to their calmer approach to intimacy and sex, makes them both quite good at sexual deprivation. He can easily deprive her for weeks, or deprive himself: when he’s depriving her, his favourite activity is having her kneel on the floor, naked and touch himself until he cums on her breasts; when he’s depriving himself he likes eating her out for at least two or three rounds, until she’s begging for him to fuck her, completely desperate and on the verge of tears when he denies her. Regardless of who is being deprived, when she gets whiny and emotional, he always makes sure to reassure her and remind her when the period of deprivation is going to end, telling her what he plans to do to her as soon as he allows himself to. About orgasm control — Angel needs training. And a very stern one at that. She is not used at that level of control, mostly because she’s used to a very loving, very attentive Seokjin who wants her pleased and pampered all the time. Orgasm control is most definitely the thing she hates the most out of all her training; the only factor keeping her from truly hating it is how Jin turns soft once she manages to complete a task successfully, praising her and letting her have more control — either turning the scene into vanilla lovemaking or letting her turn the tables and ride him until she’s happy and sated.

Role play

Jin sometimes needs help getting into an aggressive, authoritative mood. Luckily, he is a great actor and he know exactly how to get into character. He would often assume a role out of the blue, letting Angel choose what position to occupy — although his all time favourite is teacher-student. It allows him to get into the strictest, harshest forms of impact play, having lots of fun watching sweat, drool and cum stain Angel's uniform, or watching her breasts burst out of her schoolgirl blouse. On a minor note he loves using a paddle or a riding crop on Angel, making her bend over the edge of the bed and flipping her skirt up, spanking her until she's begging, only to sit on the bed and put her head between his legs, tugging at her pigtails (but never letting himself go too deep — he has no interest in seeing Angel gag on him, it's his own hard limit before being hers). Other types of roleplay he likes are doctor-nurse or doctor-patient, landlord-maid, pilot-hostess and obviously chef and waitress, which leads us right to next prompt.

Food play

Angel loves Jin's cooking. She loves watching his wide shoulders in front of the stove, she loves hearing him hum when he tastes something good, she loves him leaning over the table and offering her some food from his fork. She especially likes seeing him so passionate and dedicated, and she loves showing enthusiasm for a hobby that is so dear to him and on which he puts so much effort. Food play is mostly a way to set the tone for passionate, steamy lovemaking, where he worships every inch of Angel's body with his lips. Angel has developed an involuntary reaction to seeing his special cookbook on the small prop by the stove. Wetness coats her thigh as soon as she sees his messy handwriting on the page, signaling that he is indeed preparing a sauce or cream for kinky play. He really likes playing with frozen fruit and ice cream or watching Angel squirm as chocolate sauce tickles her while dribbling down her breasts. He is wicked. And also awfully gluttonous. Angel spoils him and is spoiled with this specific kink of theirs. It was the first kink they explored even when their relationship was still vanilla.

Pain kink

Not much explaining to do. Jin goes absolutely wild with riding crops and paddles. There’s nothing more exciting than watching Angel push her chest towards him, trying to convince him to remove her nipple clamps as she writhing underneath him.

Cum play

There’s nothing more exciting for Jin than watching his cum stain Angel’s breasts, or pulling out at the very last second to cum on her belly. Another thing he loves is to jerk off and make Angel wait with her mouth open, ready to welcome the head of his cock as he finally reaches his climax and spills inside her, telling her not to swallow and open her mouth to show him how much she loves the result of his pleasure before closing her mouth and swallowing, and showing that she took every single droplet of it.

Yoongi and Kitten

Sensation play

Kitten is a bad bitch. She gets off at having Yoongi moaning, squirming, whimpering and groaning underneath her. And Yoongi is so sensitive. It would be a shame not to toy with that. She likes giving him head and edging him, putting him through the absolute worst. He gets weak whenever Kitten blindfolds him, pours warm massage oil on him and procedes with the most relaxing touches and caresses. He gets whiny and desperate whenever she chooses to bring ice cubes to the bedroom and he gets absolutely wild whenever her bullet vibrator is aimed at him instead of her. Kitten is a menace — and maybe a bit of a sadist — but it always feels so sweet once she finally offers him release. Yoongi might consider it torture, but in the end he really, really loves that.

Choking kink

There’s not much difference: choking... being choked... both are okay with giving and receiving. Kitten has a sensitive neck and chest, which means any action there is a huge turn on. Her sensitivity there means she usually covers her upper torso, since it being even slightly exposed makes her feel vulnerable; plus she often needs to hide hickeys and bruises anyway.

Oral fixation; face fucking

Kitten loves giving blowjob, Yoongi loves placing his mouth anywhere on Kitten, especially on her lips, her chest and between her legs. Yoongi has given hints about... Uhm... Oral skills. I think he'd be glad to spend hours between Kitten's legs, and since she wasn't entirely confident with receiving oral sex (her ex was a prick), he is more than happy to take things slow and help her rebuild enough confidence to literally have her climb him while he's laying on the bed, and unashamedly sit on his face and ride it.

Voice fetish

When Kitten and Yoongi met, both were attracted by each other’s voice and throughout courtship and dating they both loved listening to the other talk. Yoongi knows his voice is attractive, and he is incredibly attuned to Kitten’s slightly deep, very soft and quiet voice. She has a velvety timbre that is so relaxing and exciting at the same time. He could get wild at her whispering in his ear, feeling her lips graze against the shell of his ear. However, Kitten would be equally weak if he did that to her.

Phone sex

Since they both enjoy listening to each other’s voice, and since Yoongi travels a lot, they are really into phone sex when they’re too far apart, or when Yoongi needs to stay at the dorms or if they feel extremely needy in the middle of the day. Even when he’s on tour, they prefer phone sex to kinky video calls.

Breast worship

This kink, paired up with Yoongi’s oral fixation, Kitten’s sensitive chest, and cumplay just explains how much exploring there is toward this direction. There are no limits: sensation play with ice cubes or warm massage oil, wax play, food play, boob jobs, a lot of nipple teasing… Kitten is open to experimenting and Yoongi is more than aware of what could feel nice and what would be utter torture. And he wants to try it all.

Cumplay and Cum eating

Yoongi is not afraid of things getting messy. He likes having Kitten’s juices all over his face, licking them off his lips and fingers: he doesn’t need her to taste like watermelon or smell like rainbows and unicorns. He wants a woman, real and messy. He loves the salty taste on his tongue, and he can tell when she’s close to her period for how the taste of her changes. Plus, he loves cumming on her breasts, especially if his semen accidentally marks her pretty, lacy bras.

Hoseok and Giggles

Handjobs; squirting

Hoseok’s hands are a blessing. But his fingers are a gift of the devil. They were made to sin and torture. Giggles is very sensitive on her own account. That paired up with Hoseok’s skills makes for wild nights of soaked sheets — luckily enough they buy an impermeable blanket pretty much at the beginning of their relationship.

Impact play; flogger

Not only Hoseok’s hands are a blessing, but those wrists are stretchable. Fluent. They’re perfect for cracking a whip. Or a flogger — he is a bit afraid of using a whip, and it takes a lot of space… However, floggers? He smiles wickedly whenever Giggles gets close to him on Thursday or Friday and casually sits on his lap, hooks an arm behind his neck and leans in close. “I don’t have my Monday shift… Do you think we could… Play with the flogger?” She asks, a bit insecure. He usually plans scenes for Saturday night, so he can have all the aftercare equipment ready and he can spend all Sunday taking care of Giggles. If he can comply to her request, he hugs her close to him and reassures her as they start planning more details.

Bondage

By now it is canon that these two have taken lessons, that they have personalised ropes that Giggles had to prepare personally. Although she’s more precise and diligent in knots, Hoseok is also very attentive and prepared; they often discuss bondage scenes, even over dinner, talking about how the scene will play out, which types of knots to use, how to secure the rope, et cetera.

Experimenting

As I said, they are both absolutely okay discussing stuff they want to try. It isn’t uncommon for them to be watching a movie and suddenly something appears — even something as banal as a clothespin or a makeup brush — and suddenly one of them is going: “We could use that in bed”. It isn’t uncommon for them to discuss kinky stuff during the week, planning scenes over dinner, or while they’re chilling, or whatever.

Torture play; Overstimulation; tickling

Hoseok likes seeing Giggles writhing and tossing underneath him. He likes torturing her with overstimulation, giving her orgasms back to back or making her squirt so many times that she passes out — it only happened twice and he made sure she drank almost two litres of water afterwards to make sure she didn’t get dehydrated. He also loves her laugh and her nickname comes from the lovely, happy sounds she makes when he coaxes a laugh from her. He loves tickling her to tears, her silvery voice erupting in chuckles that fill his heart with joy.

Shifting positions; multiple rounds

Hoseok has stamina and flexibility. He can go for three rounds without even blinking. He’d manoeuvre Giggles in and out of positions, directing her, helping her put her body in place, following her movements as she shifts. She’s not always happy with all the moving around, especially when she finds a good position and Hoseok decides he wants to change it; however, he can be extremely convincing and he happens to remember all her favourites, putting them in a smooth, easy sequence whenever he wants to reward her — which is at least twice a month because Giggles is the most perfect little bubble.

Jimin and Princess

Exhibitionism

Jimin lives to be watched. His mannerism and elegance make him a performer, even in the plainest tasks. When Princess is watching him, he only exists for her eyes and her eyes only. Nothing gratifies him more than the loving, passionate glances she throws at him when with their friends, or the obscured and raptured ones when she’s dominating him, or the desperate, imploring ones when it’s his turn to call the shots.

Pet play

Jimin is a huge switch. He likes following his whims and is overall a brat, who just does whatever he likes. So, when Princess comes out of the bathroom before bedtime and finds him lounging on the bed naked with a pair of cat ears, his collar and her riding crop waiting on her bedside table, she knows exactly the kind of treatment he’s trying to get. Nevertheless, when in that mood he turns into the most obedient little kitty, so vulnerable and frail that Princess knows she shall treat him with velvet gloves (haha). Literally.

Edging and overstimulation

Princess likes it when Jimin gets messy and whiny and loud. She likes listening to him whimpering and whining while she uses her vibrator on him and makes him cry. It makes her feel powerful. It also makes her ten times softer afterwards and she just loves it when he hits subspace so bad he starts calling her mommy and begging for her to make him cum.

Anal play

Both Princess and Jimin are okay with giving and receiving. Princess is especially in love with double penetration. Jimin is very okay with rimming and putt plugs.

Spanking

Jimin has never really had the courage to try getting spanked before. He had his first experience with Princess, directing her thought the scene. He had learnt basic directions in case he ever needed to teach his partner, but he never thought it would actually happen. From there he and Princess get more comfortable with spankings and get even more involved in impact play, still spankings stay Jimin’s favourite.

Degradation

When in dom mode, Jimin can be vitriolic in his remarks, praising Princess with the dirtiest taunts. Some name calling happens, but Jimin never lets that get too deep. He usually opts for a patronising behaviour that questions Princess’ ability to live without him, and usually avoids anything outright insulting.

Breast worship

Jimin loves Princess’ chest. He likes touching her breasts, more than anything else, but this doesn’t mean he won’t slap them, suck them and fuck them every now and then.

[Sorry if I didn’t write much, honestly I’m still figuring these two out. I think it has a lot to do with Jimin being just so... mercurial. I can’t find another word. He is the least “steady” character in my head. I don’t know. I’ve always had problems with understanding Libras. He’s just so moody and so... It’s frustrating. I just have so many vibes coming from him it’s too much.]

Taehyung and Lace

Voyeurism; exhibitionism

While Jimin lives to be watched, Taehyung is all about the art of watching. Taehyung needs to watch Lace. It doesn’t matter if she’s putting on her lipstick or washing the dishes or brushing her teeth or sucking his cock. He will study her like a painting hung in a museum until he can close his eyes and imagine her exist like a hologram in his head. He loves watching her during sex and he indirectly loves being watched by her too. Lace has never felt so beautiful.

Outdoor sex

I think they wouldn’t mind trying outdoor sex: the lack of available locations in Seoul initially discourages them, but as they start going on holidays together, geographic remoteness and private outdoor spaces start becoming characteristics these two actually look for in their ideal resort. Yes, they’re the type to fuck against a tree in the woods — or maybe on the beach, under the stars (with Lace taking the utmost care in making sure nothing goes wrong in terms of safety both to their healths and Taehyung’s career).

Cyber sex

With Taehyung travelling because of his job, it isn’t uncommon for him and Lace to become cyber sex experts. Not only he has videos of her safely stored away in a memory card he has basically stitched to his skin — he is hyperaware of it and they are extremely careful of anything that could possibly link the video to the two of them — but he's more than willing to plan videocalls where they can get carried away in front of the camera for the other's viewing pleasure.

Cockwarming

There’s nothing more relaxing and intimate to Taehyung and Lace than being physically connected after sex. After being so close, so together even for a rough, brief quickie, it is traumatic for them to part too suddenly, so usually Taehyung stays inside her for at least a bunch of minutes.

Oral fixation

Both Taehyung and Lace like putting their mouth on the other. Lace could live with Taehyung’s cock in her mouth, while he especially loves to bite her flesh, pretty much anywhere, or stare at her face while he suckles her breasts like a little boy. He could literally fall asleep while they’re facing each other, on their sides, suckling at her nipple while she handcombs his hair, the pressure slowly decreasing until he lets go completely, sound asleep.

Foot fetish

Both Taehyung and Lace are new to this and they're more than willing to explore. Expect Taehyung to grow increasingly addicted to them playing footsie underneath the dinner table, but also to get exceedingly turned on by having Lace's feet laying on his lap or crotch.

Squirting

Taehyung knows exactly how to touch Lace, massaging her after a long day, relaxing her whole body before his fingers end up inside her. His strong, sinewy fingers seem to be programmed to please her. Nevertheless, he is not prone to use this as a form of torture; he'd much rather use it to amplify Lace's sensitivity and help her reach further states of pleasure.

Anal play

I think Taehyung aims at possessing every inch of Lace's body, and of course he wouldn't mind one bit to rim, finger or fuck her ass. He'd be absolutely fine with buttplugs and double penetration. And don't think he would mind wearing a butt plug himself — I think he's the most likely to wear a tail-buttplug, probably. I also think he is by far the most comfortable with the idea of getting pegged: he knows his power and he knows it could never be undermined by Lace fucking him with her strap on.

Jungkook and Candy

Predator play

May it be playful or absolutely ruthless, Jeongguk loves hunting Candy inside his apartment. He loves playing hide and seek, he loves the rush he feels when he spots a hint, and he loves even more the adrenaline coursing through his body when he chases her down the corridor and picks her up, throwing her body over his shoulder — oh, and most of all he loves ripping her clothes off and taking her whenever he manages to catch her.

Corruption kink

Jeongguk’s predatory instincts get even louder when Candy is acting innocent, being her happy, playful, bubbly self. Go figure when she’s sleeping and her face is so soft and young and she has a slight pout and squishable cheeks: Jeongguk can feel his blood flood to all the right places, arousal and adrenaline mixing up, while his brain tries to stay calm, wake her up gently and ask for her consent.

Marking

It’s not that big of a thing to him, he might leave hickeys down Candy’s chest, but that’s mostly it. He’s shy and he’s not all that comfortable with other people seeing them. However, I decided to place this kink right here because bunny wants to be marked. He loves indentations and scratches coming from Candy’s medium-short nails. His all time favourite are scratches down his back, and small crescents on his shoulders and ass. Also lowkey scratches down his abs and thighs. He might go crazy the moment he’s not promoting or shooting and he can finally let Candy cover his chest in hickeys.

Degradation

When absolutely fucked out, Jeongguk starts rambling the most saccharine, degrading sentences to Candy. He has a rich collection of dirty pet names, sometimes with a patronising or humiliating undertone. He doesn’t do it coherently, he’s just not thinking and it feels that good. Of course he always apologises afterwards, but Candy has no shame whatsoever. He might apologise for calling her his fuckdoll, but she’s not ashamed of it, that’s exactly what she is. Hearing him speak those nasty words always gets her going since it shows how fucked out she’s getting him.

Praise

Jeongguk wants to be praised. His ego bursts when Candy praises him, openly or not. Candy whining while he hits the spot is one of the strongest praises she can offer him. He direly needs to be praised when in sub mode, matching the encouraging words with soothing touches and loving glances.

Mommy kink

Yes. They’re exploring a few things after it turned out Joengguk wanted to try. Apparently he’s enjoying way more than he expected. Especially when he’s playing chase with Candy and she grows tired, stomps her foot to the floor and gets her harsh tone on. He starts obeying in seconds. Overall a well.behaved baby, if a little lively and energetic.

Breast worship

Another great fan of boobs. He really loves fucking Candy’s tits, especially while she’s laying down and he’s sitting on top of her, straddling her ribs. His obsession worsens once she gets a nipple piercing: it becomes his favourite place to put his hand on before sleep.

Oral sex

Candy is the absolute grandmaster of blowjobs. She’s the non plus ultra. Blowjobs become Jeongguk’s favourite reward, especially when paired up with her cunt grinding against his face. He could die a happy man like that. After helping Candy get rid of her insecurities about being eaten out, Jeongguk decides he’d do that at least three times a week, almost planning a schedule to make sure he didn’t skip a day. He lowkey asks Yoongi for tips, trying to find new positions to test Candy’s resistance.

Cockwarming

Jeongguk gets very emotionally vulnerable after sex. He needs to talk about his insecurities and doubts, since he always feels so connected to Candy right in the aftermath. At the beginning, cockwarming is actually a consequence of him not realising he hasn’t pulled out as he rambles about everything that is going on inside his mind; however, as he gets used to that, he begins to do it willingly, feeling too naked and cold without staying inside her.

Multiple rounds

Jeongguk has a very high stamina. He can last two to three rounds — four if he’s going wild —, then go for some food, some water and/or a nap and be ready for more in a few hours. Candy is absolutely okay with it: he’s usually the one moving her like a puppet, so even if she’s exhausted, she doesn’t need to worry, he’ll do all the work.

Rough/animalistic sex

Jeongguk is not exceedingly into powerplay: any kind of power imbalance comes naturally, without any kind of planning or negotiating and what the others express in more niche activities, they simply express in very rough, very intense fucking. Especially when Jeongguk has just come home from the gym. Rather than using fancy toys or sophisticated practices, they much rather jump each other bones and fuck like rabbits (haha).

#bts smut #bts headcanons #bts drabbles #namjoon smut #seokjin smut #yoongi smut #hoseok smut #jimin smut #taehyung smut #jungkook smut #bts blog #namjoon x vixen #seokjin x angel #yoongi x kitten #hoseok x giggles #jimin x princess #taehyung x lace #jungkook x candy

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deans-haunted-baby · 3 years

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Dadstiel Shoulder Touch Analysis

I want to take some time to discuss something about this incredible father/son dynamic that I don’t think gets enough recognition. And that is their connection. A connection layered in so many different attributes yet primarily based on physical touch. Apologies this is going to be long. Despite my saltiness towards Supernatural as I feel the show squandered them during its run, I really love the amount of attention to detail that was put into Castiel and Jack’s relationship. It kind of has a Terminator inspired vibe going on which I can’t deny enjoying. The bodyguard and the future savior of mankind. And this bond was in development all the way back in season 12; long before Jack was born.

During 12x19 it’s through his mother Kelly, that the son of Lucifer forges an emotional attachment with the trench-coated angel whom he imprints on to be his surrogate dad. From the moment Castiel puts his hand on her belly, and feels Jack, they instantly fall in love with each other. At first touch. Trusting each other completely without the slightest bit of doubt as they sense the other’s good aura. It’s a devotion unlike anything Cas has ever experienced in his millions of years. Even more than what he’s felt for Sam and Dean. And it happens before he and Jack even get to see each other. Their bond becomes intensely essential that it boosts Castiel’s grace, allowing him to protect Kelly and her son from Dagon as well as cause a rip in time and space.

After Jack is born and in the care of the Winchesters, scared, lost and confused yet curious as an infant in an adolescent body; the child wanders aimlessly searching for Castiel. All he wants in that moment is to be with Castiel because that is who he recognizes as his father. Missing him and needing to feel that same warmth, protection and compassion he felt from inside his mother’s womb. However, following the tragic circumstances that led to the angel’s unexpected death at the hands of Jack’s biological dad in 12x23, these two are forcibly separated in the beginning of season 13. Until Jack instinctively resurrects Castiel out of the Empty through his own will and desire alone at the very end of 13x03. Proving that no matter how far away they are, the tether between them can’t be broken.

These two don’t even need an introduction from Sam and Dean when 13x06 finally reunites them for the first time. Jack immediately knows who Castiel is going off on his mother’s memories. And their reunion comes so naturally. There’s no awkwardness, no hesitation or apprehensiveness emanating from the angel’s presence. Jack just walks right up to Cas, puts his arms around him and tells him how much he missed him. Its as if they’d never been apart. And afterwards they spend nearly the entire episode practically inseparable. Getting to know each other as father and son. And that goes without saying, while Jack did bond with the Winchesters in person first, there is no comparison to the Nephilim boy’s emotional attachment towards the angel.

This special relationship is very significant to both of them. Around each other they’re at their most happiest. Castiel is constantly at Jack’s side; and ALMOST ALWAYS tenderly touching him, namely his shoulders or protectively holding him by the arm and the child wholly reciprocates this. In Castiel’s gentle physical touch Jack is given a sense of security, solace, reassurance and comfort. Same as he’d had as an unborn baby. Not only is this the angel’s way of demonstrating his affection, empathy and devotion towards his son but this is actually how he non-verbally tells Jack that he loves him. Its purely unconditional. And this gesture isn’t one-sided as I will acknowledge later. Jack desires Cas’s tangible nearness as much as his dad does which is why they’re so magnetically pulled together in all of their scenes on the show.

Even when they’re at conflict with each other or arguing, Castiel never fails to let Jack know that he’s always safe and loved. That he isn’t afraid of him. His son could be in pain, angry, or vengeful in the moment and Castiel’s affection for that child will never waver. He’ll endlessly put his own life at risk in order to reach Jack; who is far more powerful than he is via his archangel half. Like the convivence store scene in 13x23 when Jack attacks a civilian believing he’d killed his friend and Cas does his best to subdue him. Whether Jack wants it or not at the time, he needs his dad’s emotional support; and the angel can’t stand the thought of his son harmed or hurting. He’s easily saddened whenever Jack refuses his touch as shown in 13x21 when he was very upset over Sam’s temporary death and rips away Cas’s hand as he’s trying to console him.

Supernatural really emphasizes the powerful connection Castiel and Jack share using physical communication in nearly every one of their episodes. Its these wonderful details they do onscreen that illustrates the depth of love these characters have for each other. Unfortunately though, they didn’t get to interact much during season 13. Yet the small portions in their four episodes together is exceptionally substantial. While we’re on the subject, the shoulder touches are definitely a Dadstiel thing. It’s their signature sign of affection and theirs’s only. Don’t believe me, let me give you an example of a specific scene in 14x19 between Jack and Sam; which takes place in the aftermath of Jack’s accidental killing of the Winchesters’ mother Mary.

Dean and Sam conspire to trick and lock away the soulless infant Nephilim in a mystical coffin as punishment with the intention of finding a solution that will end his life. Sam is the reluctant main player in this scheme of using his influence over the child in order to gain his trust and sway him into his fate. Just before Jack’s about to be led to the room and put into the box, scared and uncertain, Sam then puts his hand on his shoulder telling him they need to keep him safe while giving him an awkward grin. And look at Jack’s expression as this happens. It reads shattered. He immediately knows something’s wrong. Sam is touching him just like Castiel…except this is nothing like Castiel. His dad’s shoulder touches are always so tender and loving.

Jack can literally feel Cas’s devotion for him in every tangibility. But here he doesn’t feel that from Sam at all. Its cold, fearful and empty just like he is on the inside. Rendering him even more nervous. Speaking of season 14 the father/son content we get between Castiel and Jack is even better that year as its all about their relationship growing and strengthening into something far deeper than it was in the previous seasons 12 and 13. It’s the year their bond is put through the ultimate test. Where Jack is made human after Lucifer steals his grace and Cas dominantly steps into his role as a father.

Providing Jack with a certain guidance, boundaries, and stability in episodes 14x01, 14x02, 14x03, 14x09 and 14x10 unlike what he’d received from Sam and Dean. Castiel takes on all the difficult tasks of parenting ranging from scolding to teaching his son about death, responsibility, self-restraint, patience and the tribulations of growing up. He doesn’t raise his voice ever when he speaks to Jack. And is completely there 100% for his son from the beginning…and the end of his life. Although Castiel is an angel he is very much a pivotal link to Jack’s humanity and vice versa as well as a link to his celestial side. While he greatly admires and looks up to the Winchesters, its through Cas’s influence that the infant Nephilim aspires to be a good person.

Jack never wants to become the monster his biological father was; desperate to break out of that mold once in for all. And he isn’t alone. Castiel is right there with Jack every step of the way. Ready to challenge and encourage his son whenever he does something decent or makes a mistake. He doesn’t hesitate to tell his son when he’s proud of him. And sometimes he’s there to coddle Jack during times of crisis as displayed in the 14x09 showdown with AU!Michael where the angel takes a second to heal Jack’s minor facial wounds. I just love that tiny focal point of Cas in the background, as the Winchesters are talking, putting his hand on Jack’s shoulder before using his powers on him. As if to keep him calm; like a parent reassuring their nervous kid that it won’t hurt.

Throughout the first part of season 14 we’re blessed with so much affectionate Dadstiel moments like the after-the-battle angst talk in 14x01 where Castiel reminds a very frustrated Jack “you’ve got me” as he declares he has nothing. Or 14x08 after Jack’s death and they’re bittersweetly reunited in Heaven with Kelly; all smiles, touching shoulders and hugging each other as if they can’t bear to be separated. Followed with that heartfelt moment of Castiel tenderly touching his son’s cheeks, sadly looking at him with so much adoration, as he sends his soul back to his body. Then there was their unforgettable father/son pep talk in regards to the vulnerability of Jack’s soul; Castiel just gives his son’s shoulder a gentle squeeze as he leaves the room. Again, this is how these two say “I love you”.

And I couldn’t very go in depth of this analysis without mentioning 14x20′s Jack death scene 2.0; Castiel helplessly touches his son, who’s screaming on the ground in agony, trying desperately to ease his suffering. Yah this was particularly very hard for me to watch witnessing Castiel going out of his mind, completely unable to save Jack from enduring such a painful end to his life. Once was already cruel enough on me. And of course 15x01 continued that vicious trend of Castiel harrowingly protecting his son’s corpse, carrying him over the shoulder in a fireman’s hold as he runs through the cemetery, then gently lays him down on the floor in a mausoleum. I get emotional watching Cas cradling Jack’s head as he positions him comfortably; letting his touch linger unable to let go. He doesn’t even care what happens to him in this moment as long as his son’s body is safe. Very strong symbolism of a parent who will never abandon their child long after they’re gone.

On a side note I want to quickly call attention to how much I revere the Dadstiel healing parallels in 14x09 and 14x14 plus BONUS: Jack almost-killing Castiel in 15x13 so he can talk to Ruby in the Empty. These just add some nice little textures in their dynamic which compliments their ongoing tradition of showing devotion through physical communication. And both the healing scenes and the temporary death scene are composited very similarly. Focused on Castiel and Jack’s hands in the process of relieving the other’s pain/life.

Touch is exhibited as being a very crucial element for both of these characters when it comes to their iron-clad relationship. That palpable part of Castiel and Jack’s connection keeps them closely-knit. Its their familial instinct and how they express their feelings for each other. If they aren’t kneading shoulders, the angel duo is often standing beside each other or firmly linked at the arms. And this usually happens during moments of extreme stress, joy, sorrow, pain or fear. Jack relies so much on Castiel’s parental presence. He respects his authority, disobeying only when his actions feel necessary, and will go to the angel whenever he wants to talk or vent. Jack is also comfortable with Castiel enough to confide his darkest secrets no matter how awful they are. That’s the foundation of the everlasting trust built between them. They’re just tethered to one another in such a way that nothing will divide them.

I’ll begin with the hospital scene from 14x07 where Castiel is being the rock to his ailing son who can barely stand on his feet. There’s so much anxiety radiating off him in this moment as he struggles with watching Jack suffer; holding him so close. Staring at his face you can tell this horrible situation is ripping him apart. Actually, the entire episode is basically just Castiel silently enduring the pain of Jack dying.

The second set of screencaps underneath are of 14x10; Jack is agitated by AU!Michael’s antagonistic claims that his family’s love for him isn’t unconditional. Reading into one of his greatest fears. But then Castiel instantly calls out to his son, grabs the crook of his arm; gently reassuring him none of this is true. And Jack doesn’t resist this as he knows his dad is sincere. He never has to question Cas’s feelings towards him as his physical touch alone is self-explanatory. But when it comes to the Winchesters, that’s a whole other conversation.

Next, we have one of my favorite emotionally-charged Dadstiel moments in 14x14; where in a fit of panic because the anti venom wasn’t working Jack, going against Castiel’s warnings not to risk burning off his soul, is compelled to use his powers to save his dad. And I love this because this time its Jack who’s the one initiating all the physical contact. Just as the recovered angel demands what he’s done, his son responds with a soft “you’re okay” and the “I love you dad” shoulder touch as well as firmly gripping his arm.

Finally stepping away from season 14 I’m going to briefly go over the caps from season 15. Let’s begin with 15x11 the Dadstiel reunion scene at the church which is so beautifully poignant. Castiel is so overjoyed to see Jack alive that he takes a second to look over his equally stunned son, touching his shoulders before they embrace. This is by far one of Cas and Jack’s top father/son moments on the show and it’s done so effectively. If you want a more in-depth description for what I love about this scene, you can read my post about it here.

After that is the 15x13 Dadstiel moment where Castiel, suspicious of Jo’s story about the Occultum, had asked Jack to temporarily kill him in order to go see Ruby in the Empty. Two things I really like about this; 1. even though Jack still doesn’t have a soul, is very concerned about and protective over Castiel because of that deal. And 2. again Jack is initiating all the touching in this scene; look at the way he grasps his dad’s arm as he returns him to life. It’s almost as if he’s hoping the touch of his hand will not only speed up the process but also reach his dad so his essence isn’t lost forever.

And then we have 15x17. We didn’t get much Dadstiel interaction in this episode but the amount of times Castiel protectively holds onto his agonized child, who’d been turned into a cosmic bomb about to go off any minute, having no regard for the danger he’s in is so visually gut-wrenching. There’s a specific moment in the scene where, as Sam and Dean are arguing, Castiel is sitting on the floor just clutching Jack tight. Trying to non-verbally soothe him.

And this is followed up in the first half of 15x18, aka THEIR VERY LAST EPISODE TOGETHER ever on Supernatural. Here is where everything about their connection comes full circle with Castiel refusing to abandon Jack no matter the situation. Demonstrating the extent of his devotion by willing to die for his child just as he’d sacrificed his happiness to save Jack from the Empty. Because that is his son and nothing not even death itself can ever destroy what they have. Much as the young Nephilim boy begs for his dad to stay away, yells that he doesn’t want to hurt him; Castiel kneeling to Jack’s eye-level doesn’t leave his side. Then when Jack disappears to the Empty and reappears back at the bunker reformed, Castiel’s hand remains firmly glued to his son’s shoulder. He doesn’t want Jack to feel afraid or traumatized any further.

This was such an intense part of the episode I mean just look at how stressed out these two were. The anguish in their expressions. Simply put, Cas and Jack cannot bare to live without the other. They’re each other’s home; two sides of the same soul. Castiel loves all of Jack; the good, the bad and the ugly. This is an EPIC father and son’s love that knows no bounds. So powerful and pure that it transcended the loss of Jack’s soul, Lucifer’s DNA, the Empty, Mary Winchester’s death and everything else in between. Oh, and guess what, their “I love you” Dadstiel shoulder touches aren’t limited to just their hands. Its in every single one of their hugs too.

Notice how their chins or faces just comfortably rest on top of each other’s shoulders. And except for 14x20 their eyes are shut, as if to savor every single second of that closeness. Jack just buries himself against Castiel like he’s never felt safer with anyone else in the whole universe. And both of them hold each other; giving and receiving the other’s love with their whole self. Like I can’t even begin to describe how much Castiel and Jack’s softness towards each other just melts my heart. Their relationship, despite the horror tongue-in-cheek atmosphere of SPN, is surprisingly sweet, healthy and endearing. They are the epitome of true unconditional love and a great contrast to the Winchester brothers. In my humble opinion Castiel and Jack’s father/son dynamic is the best thing to happen to this show in a long while.

For the closing segment of this analysis I want to do something special before I discuss the paralleled-angst driven Dadstiel shoulder touches in 15x15 and 15x18. First off, I can’t shout enough praise from the rooftops about the insanely remarkable chemistry between Alexander Calvert and Misha Collins. Just brilliant casting. They embody these characters heart and soul and make this relationship feel so real, genuine and grounded. The fact that they look so similar in appearance really sells the idea that these two could actually be father and son. Forget the scripts, the quiet subtly these two bring to Castiel and Jack is the true magic of their relationship.

Let me start with the Dadstiel centric 15x15 aka THE BEST EPISODE of Supernatural season 15. This amazing masterpiece of art is everything I could’ve asked for and more; giving me so much precious father/son content that I will cherish forever. I really enjoyed seeing Castiel and Jack in those matching ties, bonding with each other over a case while they save the day. It’s a shame this show never let these two have more solo adventures together because they’re truly a joy to watch onscreen. Fingers crossed for that spinoff.

But I digress, the car scene in question happens at the very end of the episode in which Jack reveals the alarming truth that he has to die in order to stop Chuck and Amara. And Castiel, visibly and outspokenly distraught by this news, has to be assuaged with that infamous shoulder touch by his son; who’s in just as much pain. This is without a doubt one of most emotional scenes between these two characters out of the last three seasons of the show and quite possibly one of Misha and Alex’s strongest acting moments after the Dadstiel church reunion in 15x11. They killed it with the feels here. I like the attention to detail, the shadows and the colors in the shot, the melancholic score as well as how it seamlessly switches from Jack’s perspective to Castiel’s. Seriously watching this scene always makes me cry its so devastating.

Lastly, we have the Dadstiel car scene in 15x18; and Castiel and Jack’s LAST ONE-ON-ONE together. I’m kind of disappointed by this if I’m being honest. Its not that its bad its just not that definitively great for a final scene between these characters. Especially after four seasons of development. Where are the stakes? Why don’t Jack and Castiel seem as concerned about their situation? Cute as that smile was it doesn’t fit the tone. And where’s that punch in the gut knowing something is going to separate these two any second? It’s too light and doesn’t come off like a goodbye or a cathartic bookend which is what I wanted to take away from the episode considering its title “Despair”.

I mean if they were going to follow up on that heartbreaking car scene at the end of “Gimme Shelter”, the 15x18 scene wasn’t the way to do it. So, the weight of this final interaction feels almost non-existent. Maybe if it had taken place at night and the dialogue solely focused on them not the Winchesters it would’ve faired better. But since this isn’t a rant post I’ll cut to the chase by saying that the only saving grace this moment has happens in the last part. Jack’s in tears telling his dad how scared he is that he can’t use his powers to protect anyone. Coming off very childlike and vulnerable; needing that parental protection that Castiel was always known for. And sure enough, he gives Jack that final “I love you” shoulder touch which I swear had me choked a little.

Rethinking about it now that the show is over actually makes their final moment together really sad as incomplete as it is. I not only look back on how much these characters were drastically underutilized but how much the Dadstiel storyline could’ve been executed better with all the development that it was given. Well there you have it my full Dadstiel shoulder-touch analysis. Hope you’ve enjoyed!

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thedefinitionofendgame · 3 years

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A New Adventure

Marina and Surrera (+ kids) one-shot | Rated G | Canonverse

A/N: Just some cute Marina-centric (with Surrera too ofc) fluff about graduation and moving on to a different part in life. Features Marina’s son and the Surrera trio. I love both couples and love when I think of a fic that can include both of them :) enjoy!

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You can read this work on ao3 and fanfiction.net as well

Written & cover by@thedefinitionofendgame (aka me)

The sun was shining and the birds were chirping. For April, it was surprisingly sunny and warm; there were no clouds in sight. It was perfect weather for the special event that was to take place today because in a few short hours, Maya and Carina's son would walk across the stage at his graduation ceremony. He would graduate from one part of life, and walk onward to a new adventure in life. The child they argued on conceiving for years would adjust his cap, straighten his too-big gown and put on a brave smile before stepping out for the crowd.

His three biggest supporters besides his moms, would be cheering the loudest from their designated seats in the third row, six seats in from the aisle. Non-biological cousins who were raised as his siblings because the young boy didn't have any "real" ones. He was his moms' one and only miracle. But Andy and Sullivan's kids—two girls and a boy—were all the love he needed. Emilia had done her walk years before; she was six years older than her cousin. The twins, Clara and Tanner were closer to his age, but still two years older. For their cousin’s graduation though, the trio were on their best behaviour and had put on their fanciest clothes.

Carina wiped her eyes and Maya moved a hand behind her wife's back to pat her lightly. She had tears in her own eyes yet felt the need to keep it together. Sullivan was put in charge of video-taping, as he was the least likely to get emotional and cry. Andy leaned over to Maya and whispered, "I cried when all three of their names were called."

Maya nodded. She remembered having to console her best friend about her own kids growing up before, and now it was finally Maya’s turn. She had never been prouder of her son until this moment. He had overcome so many mountains but those never stopped his short legs. He just kept climbing, more often than not with a smile on his face. Soon, people began to shush one another, as the announcer walked across the stage with a microphone in hand. The ceremony was about to begin!

“Good afternoon everyone. My name is Georgia Davis, and I am so happy you could join us today.” Pause for a polite smattering of applause. “While we know how anxious you are to watch your not-so-little ones walk across the stage, we ask for your patience as we read through their names. This is one of our largest classes yet to graduate. Let’s give our kids a huge round of applause!”

This time the clapping wasn’t forced and nearly deafened the room. After waiting for the noise to settle down, Ms. Davis began to read down her list. Maya and Carina’s son would be near the top, as his hyphenated last name gave him the alphabetical advantage. Bishop came before DeLuca in the alphabet, which was one of the reasons Maya’s last name was first on his birth certificate. For Andy and Sullivan’s kids, they had decided whose last name went first the same way; Herrera won out over Sullivan.

"Andrew Bishop-DeLuca." Maya snapped her attention back to the stage, stopping her day dream. She couldn’t believe she almost missed the moment her son walked out because she was thinking about last names of all things! The teacher smiled and began clapping. Seconds later, a young boy walked across the stage, head held proudly. He had Carina’s brown hair, blue eyes like Maya and walked just like the man he was named after. He was every bit as trouble as the late Andrew DeLuca as well, but just as kind too. Sometimes, Maya knew that it hurt Carina to watch their son embody someone Carina had grown up alongside. Though they both wouldn’t change it for the world, because their child was still unique in his own way.

"Little Andy's all grown up," the real Andy said. Maya and Carina's son had been named after Carina's deceased brother and dubbed with the nickname "Little Andy" after Maya's best friend. It fit him perfectly because some of his aunt’s fiery personality had rubbed off onto him. Whenever he sassed his moms, they blamed it on Andy.

In the middle of the stage, Andrew turned and waved at his family, ignoring the clear instructions he had been given at home to shake the teacher’s hand and not look for his moms. Everyone laughed though, and both Maya and Carina were too proud to be upset. The teacher was ready for this, and gently placed his scroll in his hands, and directed him off stage. Sullivan smiled over from his seat farther down the row; he had gotten the whole thing on video.

After Andrew’s turn, his row of supporters sat quietly and just simply watched everyone else. Georgia Davis had been right when she said this was the largest class in a while, as a total of thirty two graduates crossed the stage. When at last everyone had gone, and many parents were crying, Ms. Davis returned and thanked everyone for coming. More speeches and awards would be given out later. It was now time for refreshments and a chance to stretch after sitting for so long.

Outside, Carina was still sobbing quietly against Maya's shoulder. "We're gonna be empty nesters soon! I can't believe it,” the Italian woman said sadly.

Maya rolled her eyes. She totally supported her wife's emotions today of all days, but calling them “empty nesters” was being a little dramatic. "Babe, he's only graduating from preschool. He starts kindergarten in September, and will be with us for at least another fourteen years. We'll be okay." She had to hold in a chuckle, as she wrapped an arm around Carina.

"Only fourteen years! That'll pass in seconds! We should've had more kids!" Carina wailed, while Maya refrained from telling Carina that having Andrew almost killed her and that another child wasn't going to be possible. Like ever.

Andy sidled over and chose to make matters worse by saying, "I've only got twelve years left with the twins, in that case. And ten with Emilia." Maya's best friend looked like she was going to cry as well, and Maya couldn't handle two crying women, so she had to do something. Quickly. So she grabbed both of their hands and forced them to look at they're not-so-baby-like babies. The Fantastic Four—a cheesy nickname dubbed for all their kids—were now playing on the mini playground. Tanner, who took his role as an “older cousin” very seriously, was helping Andrew climb the jungle gym. Emilia and Clara were running around, probably scuffing up their shoes in true Herrera-Sullivan kid fashion. Sullivan was standing nearby, a grim expression on his face. He now had three headstrong women living in his house and sometimes it was almost too much to bear. But he loved them and his son more than anything else in the world.

Sullivan noticed them watching and waved, a smile lighting up his entire face when he saw his wife. Maya still sometimes wondered how her best friend and the ex-battalion chief managed to get together despite their odds at first. One look at the chemistry between them would answer all ones' questions. They were just made for each other. Sullivan was back to being Fire Chief Sullivan, a title he most definitely hung over Andy's head. Andy had finally made Captain at Station 19 four and a half years prior. Maya stepped down completely by her own accord when Carina got pregnant; having a family meant more to her than any title, now. It was a good thing she stepped down as well, because Carina was hospitalized for nearly five months and someone had to take care of Little Andy at home that entire time.

Andy waved back at her husband, and left Maya and Carina to go stand beside him. Carina was calming down, thankfully, and stared at the big, blue sky above. She rested her head on Maya’s shoulder, even though the blonde was shorter, and sighed. Maya gently reached up to wind her fingers around Carina’s curls. Her wife had once said that was calming, so Maya did it often now. They stood together, thinking about different things probably, but under one general consensus; their son was growing up way too fast. It seemed like just yesterday they were holding him together in the Labour and Delivery wing of Grey-Sloan Memorial. That was before Carina began hemorrhaging and needed lifesaving surgery, of course. But the two moms had had two peaceful hours with their new baby. Together, as a family of three. Maya had looked at her son and thought, so this is what unconditional love is. She had sworn she would love her son for whatever he accomplished, no matter how big or small. She wouldn’t push him to the point of abuse and yell at him if he came second. She would love his other mom more than the world, and make up for all the pain her parents had put her through. Speaking of her parents, Maya’s mom asked for a picture of Andrew today, as she wasn’t exactly invited to the ceremony. Technically anyone could come, but Maya had specifically told her family that it was “parents only” and just left out the fact that Andy, Sullivan and their kids had attended for Andrew. Although Andrew didn’t even care that his grandparents weren’t present; all that mattered to him were his cousins.

“Andrew, Mommy wants to get some pictures of you. Is that okay?” Maya asked, taking Carina with her as she headed over to the jungle gym where the kids were playing. Carina pulled out her cellphone and handed it to Maya, who was ready to capture whatever smile Andrew gave them. Sometimes he was silly, especially around the twins.

Maya’s reply was a fit of giggling from the kids. She raised an eyebrow at them but apparently didn’t come across stern enough. Andy ended up clearing her throat, which caused Emilia to smarten up. She prompted her siblings to listen and Tanner nudged Andrew, who guiltily turned to his mom. He was only four, though, so it wasn’t too much of a surprise that he took longer to listen.

“Do you want us in the picture Auntie Maya?” Emilia asked, gesturing to herself and her siblings.

“Of course.” Maya let them all strike a pose in front of the playground. She clicked away and let Carina try to make them laugh behind her. Sullivan put an arm around his wife, and they just watched the four kids goof off. After the candid moments of sorts, Maya did get Andrew to pose with a proper smile on his face. The twins ambled over to their parents and though they were getting too big to be carried, Andy held Tanner on her hip while Sullivan scooped up Clara. Emilia stood in front of them and they looked ready for a picture. Maya also seemed to think so, and turned the camera on them. “Smile!”

The Herrera-Sullivan’s smiled like their lives depended on it. “Want me to take pictures of you three?” Andy offered, putting Tanner down.

Maya handed her phone over in answer. “Do you want to sit on my shoulders, Bambino?” That was another one of Andrew’s nicknames, dubbed by his Italian mother. Maya was doing her best to learn Carina’s dialect but still could barely keep a basic conversation. Ten year old Emilia was better than her Auntie Maya, and Italian was just one of the four she was learning. Besides English, all the Herrera-Sullivan kids had been taught Spanish. The twins were just starting German and Italian, while Emilia was half fluent in both. It amazed Maya how quickly kids could pick up another language. Andrew was even interested in Italian, though it was mostly because the twins were learning it. He was a bit of a copycat at four years old.

Andrew held out his arms for his mom to pick him up. Maya hoisted her son over her head and he let out a giggle. Carina smoothed down his small collared shirt and straightened his pants, before turning towards the camera. They all smiled really big as Andy snapped picture after picture. As image after image was taken, Maya couldn’t help but wonder where she would be right now if she hadn’t changed her mind about kids. It had taken quite a lot of convincing from her Italian wife—plus babysitting Emilia and the twins constantly—before Maya felt like she was ready to become a mother. Craning her neck to look at Andrew now, everything made sense. Everything had worked out and Andrew was perfect. Of course Maya was being biased because he was her son, yet she couldn’t help it! It was a parent’s right to think their child was perfect even though sometimes they did things that drove them crazy.

Andrew had a habit of copying everything someone said, for either three sentences or three hours. It was very aggravating and Maya had accidentally raised her voice at him a couple times. He also refused to pick up toys—cancelling his cousins coming over was the only thing that made him do chores at this point. But those were small things and they were part of growing up. Heck, Maya knew she did things that probably drove her wife and son crazy. Maybe by the time Andrew graduated high school, their bad habits would be gone. One could only hope.

“Should we head back to our place now?” Maya asked, pocketing the cellphone Andy returned to her. The families had planned for a sleepover with all the cousins plus ice cream and more treats at home. They only lived a ten minute drive from the preschool.

The happy screams that followed were enough. Andy, Sullivan and their kids left first, giving Maya and Carina a moment alone with just Andrew. Carina didn’t say anything, but enveloped Andrew in a hug, that he returned with a smile on his face. “I’m so proud of you, Bambino. Mamma loves you.”

“Mommy loves you too.” Maya crouched down and opened her arms for a group hug. “We are both so proud of you, Andrew. We always will be. You can always count on us to love you for whoever you become.” Together Maya and Carina would fix the mistakes their own parents made and teach their son acceptance and kindness no matter what. It was only right.

Andrew pulled away from the hug and cupped his moms faces in his hands; first Carina, then Maya. “I love you Mamma. I love you Mommy.” Pause. “Now can we go eat ice cream and play with my cousins?”

Both of his moms let out a laugh. “Yes sweet boy, we can. Today is your day! Are you excited to start Kindergarten in the fall?” Maya got Andrew all buckled up and then began the drive towards home.

“Sorta. Tanner says it’s fun. Clara doesn’t like art but I like art!” Andrew informed them. “I didn’t ask Emmy yet. It’s gooder than fifth grade I bet. Uncle Sully says he’s too old to remember Kindergarten, even though I asked him.” In the front passenger seat, Carina snickered. Sullivan hated the fact that people called him ‘Sully’, especially attached to something as endearing as ‘uncle’. Jack Gibson had taught all the firestation kids what to call everyone to get under their skin just a little. Ever since Andrew had heard his Uncle Sullivan’s nickname, ‘Sully’ was the only name he used. While Sullivan was chagrined about it, Andy loved her nephew for using it to bug her husband.

From the driver’s seat, Maya replied, “I’m sure it is buddy.” In the rear-view mirror, Maya looked at her son and smiled. He was looking more like Carina every day, just with blue eyes. Carina was biologically related to Andrew, conceived with the help of a sperm donor. But he was just as much Maya’s as he was Carina’s, and shared more personality traits with her than his ‘Mamma’. He was smart and caring and worked hard for the most part; just like Maya. He was handsome and sweet and loved life, just like Carina. Though preschool graduation was big, high school graduation was going to be bigger.

Like Andy said before, in eight years Emilia would graduate high school. In twelve years, the twins would follow suit. And Andrew would bring up the rear fourteen years from now. Each time all four adults would cry and wish their babies stayed little for just a while longer. They would marvel over what the kid was like as a baby, as a child and as a teen. Comparing who they were before, and who they had become. Maya knew she wasn’t ready to think about Andrew’s future past Kindergarten, but sometimes she wondered.

Whatever he did with his life, he would be good at it. He would do his best and smile and try to get better no matter what. That was something good Maya had passed on to him. Andrew Bishop-DeLuca was a force to be reckoned with and everything he would one day overcome, would only make him stronger. Though what would never change, would be the undying love and support of his moms. Of his cousins and aunt and uncle. Friends he would meet along the way. Maybe a partner down the road. Andrew was going to love and be loved, that was something Maya was certain about. Even if he was only four years old.

The two families would cheers later, with ice cream cake forks and a small sip of champagne for the adults. They would congratulate Andrew and give him hugs and advice for the future. His cousins would tell him all they could remember about Kindergarten, and Uncle Sully would claim he couldn't remember his days in school, then come up with some crazy tale about his life that had everyone in awe but also giggling. Andy would reminisce about her own kids’ graduations in the past and those to come in the future. Carina would cry more tears and Maya would brush them away like she always did. Life would go on, and things would be okay as long as they remembered they would always have each other.

To new beginnings and new adventures with love always guiding the way.

#station 19 #station 19 fanfic #maya x carina #marina #andy herrera #robert sullivan #maya bishop #carina deluca #marina kids #surrera kids #graduation #fluff #the definition of endgame

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theshatteredrose · 3 years

Text

Start of the Healing Process - Etrian Odyssey Nexus Oneshot

Summary: Simon has always kept his grief and pain to himself. Had so for years. Yet, somehow, Lynus was able to make him reveal his emotions in one conversation.

Pairings: None, but friendship and comfort between Simon and Lynus

Warnings: Bit of a heavy subject matter, especially since it touches on the topic of Simon’s past. Also mild spoilers for those who haven’t played or finished the game

AN: And another oneshot. A bit of angst and a bit of fluff, which Simon finally expressing his pain and Lynus being the one to comfort him. Finally. Anyway, I do hope you enjoy~

Ao3 | Wattpad | FFNet | Inkitt

~*~*~*~*~*~

“Lynus? Can I talk to you?”

It was just sheer instinct that caused Simon to pull his gaze away from the book he was skimming and over to the door of the infirmary’s office. It wasn’t uncommon for someone to pop their head into the office in search for Lynus.

And it was more common for someone to seek out the orange-haired medic from Lagaard to simply speak with him. Rather, seek counsel from him.

“Of course.” The smile that Lynus wore of his lips was his usual patient, caring smile. He placed his hands upon his desk and pushed himself to his feet. He immediately made his way over to the blond that had called for his attention and they stepped out of the room.

As the two moved to stand together in the corner of the infirmary, in front of the glass windows of the office, Simon tried to turn his focus back to his book. But he couldn’t help but glance at the two from the corner of his eye every now and again.

He wasn’t able to hear what they were saying, and it truly wasn’t his business, he just knew that Lynus was comforting or reassuring the other. Due to how he gently pat his arm or reach up to pat down his blond hair, earning a tearful look of relief.

Whenever Simon sighted the blond alchemist from Lynus’ guild, his mind automatically shifted toward Arthur. While the two blonds were so different in personality, that did little to halt the lamentation he felt. If only Villard had told him that he could bring along anyone he wished to join the expedition. Arthur would have gotten along well with many of the others under the roof of the Sanctuary.

And in all honesty, that boy needed time with those similar to his own age.

He was safe with Raquna and her family. Same with Ricky. He knew that the redheaded protector would care for them well.

There was still that voice of doubt in the back of his mind. If something happened were to happen to him…

He was the only family he had left.

Simon shook his head abruptly and returned to his task of sorting and shelving their medical books. He tried not to dwell too long on what had occurred in Gotham, his hometown. His birth place. The pain was still too raw, all these years later. How long had it been? Ten, no twelve years now?

Time certainly moves on, doesn’t it?

As Simon shelved another book, he glanced up to witness Magnus give Lynus a quick hug before scurrying away. Lynus stood still for a moment, watching until the blond left his sight before he made his way back into the office. Completely unperturbed by their conversation.

It…it must be nice to be able to seek counsel from another. Unconditional support and reassurance. It was no wonder that Lynus was often sought out to simply speak to.

Not that Simon could do such a thing. His secrets, his pains were far too old now.

“Is everything all right?” Lynus suddenly asked him as he closed the door to his office out of habit. That was a question Simon had heard multiple times, though usually directed toward others.

“Hm? Why do you ask?”

Lynus sat down on the edge of his chair, leaned forward and folded his arms atop of his desk. Clearly giving him his full attention. “I sense a hint of pained nostalgia from you.”

Sensed? Ah, right; he was an empath. For some reason he kept forgetting. Most likely due to him having little experience with empaths.

“Magnus just reminds me of someone,” he decided to reveal, keeping his tone passive and idle. “Someone I wished I had brought along on this expedition.”

Lynus granted him a sympathetic look. “I assume Villard just so happened to forget to tell you they were welcomed?”

“Yes, and I curse that man every day.”

That earned him a light laugh from Lynus and Simon inwardly congratulated himself from expertly dodging his inquiry into his wellbeing. Yet, the amusement soon faded from Lynus’ expression as he focused those far too knowing eyes upon him once more.

“The two of you quite close?” It was structured as a question, but to Simon it felt like an observation.

Simon turned his attention back to the bookcase. “He’s like a brother to me, I suppose.”

“He’s quite special, then?”

Special? Maybe. Important? Seemed more plausible. After all, “he was the only family I have left.”

Simon immediately cursed himself for allowing those words to escape his lips. He furrowed his brow, angry at himself as he glanced over his shoulder to Lynus. Once again finding the other medic regarding him far too gently than anyone should. “Sorry, ignore that.”

“Actually, I don’t think I will.”

Simon sighed at the sheer defiance in Lynus’ voice. He should have known. “It’s not important.”

Lynus shook his head resolutely as he pushed away from his desk and took to his feet. “It must be if you’re still in agony about it.”

Agony?

“It really is nothing. It happened twelve years ago, anyway,” Simon stated.

“And?”

“And that’s too long ago to dwell on it.” He just needed to get over it. Just get over it.

“Grief and mourning don’t have a time limit.”

Simon uttered another sigh as he deposited the book in his hands upon the book shelf and finally turned to face the other medic. Lynus stood by his desk, his attention (always so gentle and imploring) directed toward him.

“You’re not going to stop until I tell you, are you?”

Lynus gave him a small smile. “I can’t force you to do anything. But I would like to know. I would like to hear what you have to say. Especially since it weighs so heavily upon your heart.”

The sincerity in Lynus’ voice and his eyes caused Simon’s determination to keep all his burdens to himself to waiver. Yet, he also hesitated. To talk, to speak about what he felt, what he had felt for a very long time just wasn’t…right.

“Simon.” Lynus walked straight over to him, stood before him as he continued to look so…unfairly gentle and sincere. He then reached up and framed Simon’s face with his hands, startling him greatly as he looked him straight into his eyes. “You are allowed to feel. And you’re allowed to express it.”

…Express himself? Make himself vulnerable? He…he couldn’t do that. That wasn’t right. He wasn’t allowed to…

“Tell me,” Lynus implored. “Everyone, everything else is fine. It’s your turn. It’s your turn to grieve.”

He…he didn’t truly know what happened next. Just that he had his arms around Lynus’ neck in an embrace as he mumbled incoherently into his shoulder. Words of memories just poured from his lips.

A blinding flash of light, briefly illuminating the faces of his family members. Unknowing to him, the last time he would ever see their faces. As the light faded, a sound that could not be described any other way than absolutely brutal rattled their surroundings. Shook the walls, shattered the windows, buckled the floors.

Memories after that sound were blurry at best, due to how quickly everything had occurred. He remembered distinctly, however, the look of absolute horror on his father’s face. He had been the one who registered before all else that something horrifying was occurring. And it was his instinct, the last act he would ever commit, to attempt to shield his family.

Simon credited his father’s actions to saving his life. He had been the closest to his father as they sat at that dinner table. He was the one his father instinctively turned to in a desperate attempt to shield.

His father had saved his life. But, in the minutes and seconds afterwards, as dust filled his nose and lungs, as a deep ringing rung through his head, as he unwittingly pushed the dead body of his father away from him, he wished he hadn’t been saved.

Especially…especially since he was all that was left. Out of everyone in that house, out of his stronger siblings, of his witty mother, of his powerful father…why did he live? Why was he cursed to live?

He didn’t have time to mourn back then. Not with the constantly rumblings, the licking of flames from destroyed homes, not from the deafening shrieks of pain and devastation around him.

It was then, as he sat atop of the wreckage that was once his home, did he hear another voice. A cry. A child’s frightening cry.

Something in that cry urged Simon to step away from his father’s body. To stumble over the broken brick of mortar of his home. And toward a young boy, just a child. Blond hair caked with blood, standing amongst the rubble of a place that was likely his home, crying into his hands.

A survivor. Like him, the only one left.

He couldn’t mourn or grieve in front of Arthur. It would scare him, more than he already was. And he couldn’t in front of others, for they would see him weak. He wasn’t weak, they would constantly tell him. He was strong. Pain, fear, suffering; they were all pointless emotions. He needed to look forward.

Keep looking forward…

He tried. He truly did. But his mind, his heart would betray him. Memories, pain of what happened. Would always return. And he would always push them back. Nothing he could do about it now. It was an act of nature, as he was told.

Until he learnt that it wasn’t.

Yggdrasil Project. Gungnir. Scientists from hundreds of years ago deciding that it was perfectly acceptable that people could be in the way, could die. Someone or something had activated the Gungnir of Gotham. Without a care, seemingly.

And destroyed everything with one powerful blast.

It wasn’t an accident. The deaths of thousands weren’t a mistake. It was on purpose.

All on purpose.

When he learnt that, when he heard it from both the machine and the being who aligned herself with those responsible, he had wanted to scream. He wanted to rant and rave. To let out all of his pent-up emotions there and then.

But he couldn’t. He wasn’t allowed to. His feelings of discovering the truth did not matter. Especially when there was a possibility that it could happen to Etria.

No time to mourn. No time to grieve. He had a job to do.

He didn’t want to hate Ricky after that. He truly didn’t. It…wasn’t her fault. But she…she had tried to do the same to Etria. After she got her memories back, she kept pushing forward with the mission. She kept trying…

How could he trust her after that?

He had to. He wasn’t allowed to feel that way. It was about Ricky. It was about Etria. It was about the Forest Folk.

It was about everyone and everything else. Never him. Never his feelings. Never his thoughts.

Everyone else…

Simon truly didn’t know when he started to cry, to bawl his eyes out into Lynus’ shoulder. He didn’t know when the other medic had guided him over to the couch under the window. He didn’t know when he moved to cry into Lynus’ chest as he ran his fingers comfortingly through his hair.

“Your pain and grief, your resentment and anger; they’re all important. They’re all valid. Just like you are.”

Simon felt truly exhausted as he rested his head upon Lynus’ shoulder, his glasses having gone AWOL at some point. His eyes burned from the tears, his throat felt dry, and he felt boneless and tired. He felt foolish.

And yet…

“I can’t take away your pain, though I wish I could,” Lynus continued. “But I can tell you, I can promise you that by accepting your grief, by accepting your pain as real and valid, then your path forward will become easier. And you won’t have to do it alone. You are surrounded by others who care for you very much. Who will drop whatever they’re doing to help you. When they reach out to you, all I ask is that you meet them half way.”

He felt…he felt comforted. He couldn’t recall a time where he felt such warmth. Been so many years.

Simon knew that his painful memories weren’t going to leave him. The pain of his heart when he recalled them would always, always be there. It was going to take more than one conversation to help. But the warmth of someone simply validating his feelings, encouraging him to express himself helped with some of that pain.

Not all of it, but some.

And what was enough for now.

“Thank you for telling me everything.” Again, Lynus sounded so sincere as he continued his comfort, where Simon himself felt too tired to say anything more. “Needless to say; I won’t tell anyone. It’s not my place to say. But I do hope that one day, you’ll tell this story to another and you allow them to give you the comfort you deserve.”

Tell another? He wasn’t sure. Would there truly be a day where he would be able to speak about his past freely? To willingly reveal his pain? It seemed so implausible. And yet, he didn’t think he’d tell anyone anything, so today was certainly a surprise.

Maybe…Maybe Lindis?

“Until then, you can always speak to me,” Lynus continued further. “You can’t hide anything from me; I will find you and I will comfort you.”

Simon smiled tiredly to himself. That sounded close to a threat, but one he didn’t exactly mind.

#Etrian Odyssey #etrian odyssey nexus #fanfiction #simon #hurt/comfort #Simon finally getting the comfort he deserves

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breathinginthevapor · 4 years

Text

Villain

Summary: Bucky lets her go.

A/N: I have decided to try and post every monday the next (hopefully) many weeks. I know I haven’t posted in such a long time, but I really hope you guys will welcome me back and support my little attempt at uploading regularly. This is my first finished Bucky piece, but there’s many more to come! It’s my contribution to @ugh-supersoldiers 5k challenge, and the prompt is in bold (sometimes bold doesn’t really show on my page, though, so sorry if that’s the case) Congratulations Gracey!

Did I make myself cry while writing this? Yes. Did it hurt writing? Yes. Did I still enjoy it? Yes because apparently I’m a sadist that likes pain to a certain degree but damn this was close to being too much.

Word count: 1400+

T/W: uhm, i don’t really know. Let me know if you experience any!

He can’t bring himself to look at her when she packs her bags. Throws soft sweaters and pretty dresses and favourite books down a sports bag Nat got him for Christmas a couple years ago. Pink with tiny little flowers and butterflies. Everyone laughed for hours when he opened up that present, and maybe that’s one of the reasons he’s always liked it. It has reminded him of good times and friends and happiness, but he doubts he’ll ever use it again, even if she does return it.

From now on, it will be haunted by this terrible memory.

He can’t bring himself to look at her, so he looks at the rain drumming on the window. Droplets slide down the glass before they disappear to make room for others, and it’s just an endless circle of replacement.

There’s always someone to take your place.

Always someone else to keep her cold feet warm at night.

Always someone else that will learn to love her, just like he did.

He can hear her sniffing, and at one point she drops something heavy. The noise alarms him at first, old instincts kicking in, but he calms himself down by counting seconds. His therapist told him it would help, and as one of the few things, it does.

It has been 349 seconds when she speaks.

“Why won’t you look at me?”

Her voice is brittle, and she sounds like a little girl that has experienced the unfairness of the world for the first time. Bucky knows she has known loss and pain as much as anybody else, but there’s always been that innocence in her, too. The general belief that the world will bring you good things if you are a good person. It is one of the things he fell in love with. And one of the things that makes him push her away now.

That little girl inside her should be protected, but he can’t protect anybody, and least of all her.

“Please, Bucky,” she begs him, and he does as she wants, but hides his face partly behind long locks of dark hair. He uses it like a shield, and it sometimes feels like he can put just a little space between the world and himself when he looks through it, and he needs that. But it is the first time he has been hiding from her..

She walks closer to him, slowly and careful like you would approach a hurt animal. Still, he backs up against the window, cold, hard, unforgiving glass against his back.

She must sense it because she immediately stops and stands still in the middle of the floor, looking terribly desolate and abandoned.

“Please don’t be scared of me, Bucky,” she says, and she sounds so broken, and all Bucky wants to is pick up the pieces and mend her. But he can’t.

“I’m not,” he assures her, voice thick with emotion.

I’m only scared of what you make me feel.

Biting her lip, she nods unsurely as if she doesn’t entirely believe him. And really, it’s ironic that he’s the one who’s scared. He’s the soldier, he’s supposed to be the brave one. But the brave one has always been her.

“I would never hurt you, Bucky,” she promises him, and Bucky believes her. He is aware that sometimes, it isn’t a choice to hurt someone, but he also knows that she would never do so on purpose. That she would hate herself if she did. Just like Bucky hates himself for hurting her.

Bucky watches her crumble. It happens fast, legs giving out and quiet tears rolling down her cheeks as she suddenly sits on the carpet. She puts her face in her hands, and he doesn’t even think about it, just strides over to her and pulls her to his chest. Tears soak his shirt as she sobs against him, big, loud cries that makes his heart clench.

He holds her tight and runs his hands up and down her back. She has her palm against his collarbone, and she crumbles the top of his shirt in his hand, and he figures she’s feeling the same desperation that is rushing through him.

“I’m sorry,” she tells him, and goosebumps rise as her warm lips move upon his skin.

“Don’t be,” he says, and he doesn’t notice the tear on his face before it hits her hair. “Don’t be,” he repeats.

She looks up at him with big eyes, red and glossy from crying but beautiful all the same. The kind of eyes that pierces right into your soul and sees all of your faults, but doesn’t judge them.

Her lip quivers when she speaks, “I really wanted us to work, you know? I really believed in this.”

His throat constricts and it feels like the moment lasts forever, before he admits, “Me too, doll.”

That makes her smile, a slow movement of the corners of her mouth that seems so far from the usual grin that takes up half of her face.

“I’ve always loved that nickname,” she admits, hand reaching to his jaw with a feather-light touch. Her hand is shaking, and she doesn’t try to hide the big, fat tears that rolls down her cheeks and past her lips or the shining adoration in her eyes. She lets him see it all, her vulnerability and her ugly parts and her scars and her faults, and Bucky loves her for it.

“Dunno, guess I feel special when you call me that. Like I’m the one for you, the same way you are for me.”

“You are, doll. The only one.”

He knows it’s a small act, but he makes sure to use the nickname. If he can show her how special she is, he will.

“Of course you are, doll,” he sobs, and presses her face into his chest once more, because he isn’t courageous like her.

He rocks them both from side to side, like cradling a baby, and they cry into each other, two lovers being torn apart.

He doesn’t know how long it goes on, but eventually, she pulls her face away and presses a sweet, chaste kiss again his lips. He can taste the crying on her lips and tries to savour the soft feeling in his heart for harder times.

“You make my world turn, Bucky Barnes.”

He doesn’t know how she does it. Says things so perfectly with the words of a poet without ever sounding pretentious. Maybe she’ll write a book one day. He hopes she will, imagines buying it in a cozy bookstore and feeling close to her as he reads her penned down thoughts. Sees himself absorbed in it while sitting in a soft chair, a gentle glow from a bedside lamp. Perhaps it will be dedicated to her husband, to the love of her life. Or perhaps to him. To the one who so unwillingly broke her heart.

“I should go,” she says, every soft-spoken word laced with pain.

He doesn’t want to let her leave. But he has to. For both of them. So he loosens his grip and stands up alongside her, watching her pick up the bag.

He hates goodbyes.

She stops in front of his door and turns around, face crumbed and biting her lip.

“I just- I really hope one day you realize that you’re not the villain in your own story.”

He looks at her, and he knows he loves her and that it doesn’t change anything.

“I really hope you’ll be happy, Bucky.”

He feels his eyes drop wet at that.

“You deserve it.”

He disagrees, but he doesn’t say it. What would it matter? They’ve never seen eye to eye about that.

“You too,” he tells her, honestly, but it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. She has such a way with words, piercing right through him while he stumbles like a child and never says the right things. But he has try for her.

“Thank you,” he stops her as he begins to ramble, “For understanding. Always understanding. And for being here when I needed you. And for loving me. And for letting me love you.” He pauses and takes a deep breath. “And- and thank you, for letting me let you leave.”

She nods and smiles through her tears, and Bucky doesn’t think he would be able to forget that image, ever. Not even if he tried. It carves its way into his mind, a sharp pain in the back of his head.

“‘Course, Buck. Anything for you,” she tells him, and Bucky is once again reminded by the unconditional love he doesn’t deserve.

And then she leaves him.

Please reblog/leave feedback if you liked it!

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onewingedxngel · 3 years

Note

Sooooo, pre!, post!, and redeemeed!Seph's reactions once meeting Lucrecia? (On one hand, I feel like she'd be relieved he's alive. But on the other, that would mean her visions were true 😔)

Ello Anon, thanks for this.

May I just start off by saying that I was so pissed off when Vincent told Lucrecia that Sephiroth was dead. I get that it would’ve been painful for her to know the truth, but JESUS CHRIST, JUST TELL HER THE TRUTH!! I mean, she’d be in great pain, but a) I want her reaction, b) she’s part of the reason that he exists in the first place, and c) I feel like, after all the explosion of emotion she’d go through, she’d want to find him, and...

... well, yeah, I’d love to see an interaction between the two. Hopefully the Remake will give us something like that; especially if it wants to tie up all the loose ends.

Pre-Nibel Seph

This will highly depend on context.

I won’t go into what would happen if she raised him alongside Hojo and Gast, since that’s a WHOOOOOLE other question, and trust me, this is already going to be a very long answer.

WELL. If she somehow met him just before the Nibelheim Incident, maybe when he’d entered the Library, hmm... I wouldn’t say he’d be super aggressive, but he’d be angry for sure. This is the moment where he realises his life is a lie, the moment which pushes him to the realisation that he is, ultimately, nothing. Although her presence may decrease the chances of him going on his rampage, they do not entirely negate them either. I must note that I believe that Sephiroth was going to destroy the town, with or without JENOVA’s temporary influence (I refrain from saying it’s a headcanon because I do have evidence to support this idea in an upcoming post).

He’d be angry. He’s ask questions. There’s a chance he may reject her in his anger. But there’s also a chance that she may manage to... well, not calm him, but do enough to prevent the deaths of Nibelheim villagers. Though, well, certain other deaths may still be on the table. His emotions are so powerful, and he knows so little on how to handle them, that this can’t ever really go over very smoothly. Especially when you consider the fact that he was raised a weapon. Hmm... maybe a few tears may or may not be shed if she encouraged him to be more open with his emotions, somehow (difficult but not impossible)

If he’d met her beforehand, he’d obviously be very curious and excited to find out about his mother. But the moment he finds out the truth would be the moment everything falls apart (especially if she keeps it a secret from him). He’d feel so betrayed.

The best way for it to occur would be for her to get him out of Shinra, essentially setting him free from the company, and be honest from the get-go. Again, it wouldn’t be easy, but the betrayal wouldn’t be as bad as the previous scenario, and he wouldn’t be trapped alone in a basement for days on end with thoughts of rage.

Post-Nibel Seph

Death, in 90% of cases I’d say. I mean, Sephiroth is faced with one of the three main players in his creation (other two being Gast and Hojo). However, even if I think he’d most likely kill her... I don’t think she’d go instantaneously, like with President Shinra in the Remake.

The thing is, this is his biological mother. The person from which he was born. The only person in the project who seemed to oppose it because they felt a personal connection to him. He’d want to know more.

Psychological torture is a given, because when hasn’t he done that? He’d venture through every part of her thought process, force her to confront all the guilt, force her back into all the terrible memories. But what would make this interesting is that this would be a very revealing moment for Sephiroth too, because he’d be exploring one of the things that make him so vulnerable: his creation.

One may see more raw emotions from him. While he makes her face the horrors of her past, he’d be forced to face the horrors of his creation. And then, maybe, the questions, memories, and emotions he confronts her with may take a more explicitly personal turn. This is the very thing which pushed Sephiroth to do what he does, after all.

The main reason why I say the death rate isn’t 100% is because Lucrecia is, in my opinion, the only canonical character that would love Sephiroth unconditionally. Even if she’d be completely horrified by his actions, she still wouldn’t stop loving him, and would believe that it’s all her fault (which isn’t entirely incorrect).

I could see Sephiroth getting second thoughts in the deepest depths of his subconsious mind about killing her, but then stuffing them away. He might kill her without remorse, he might kill her precisely because of these uncertain thoughts, or, in the least likely scenario, he may spare her for the time being. He’d certainly deny it, but in at least some situations, her unconditional love may come to emotionally affect him in some manner.

But don’t get me wrong, if I’m incorrect and her love is not unconditional, then he’s definitely going to kill her (I’d elaborate but this has already gone on so long).

Redeemed!Seph

Well, since Redeemed!Sephiroth, you know... actually wants redemption, and as I explained in my post here (which also has a paragraph on Redeemed!Seph’s potential responses to Hojo): he is not inclined to kill. I go into detail about exceptions and special cases there, but in the overwhelming majority of cases, he will do what he can to avoid taking the life of both man and beast (which is easy, since his superior strength means he can take care of conflict without outright killing). This means that, unlike Post-Nibel Seph, he’s not going to approach Lucrecia with plans to kill her.

He’d feel a lot of emotions, all mixing together to the point where he’d be uncertain on how to describe how he feels. He wouldn’t be super warm to her, because even if she feels remorse over what she did, he still came into existence. And, as I’ve said a lot by now (don’t blame me, I love this concept): he would NOT EXIST if it hadn’t been for the experiment. Lucrecia didn’t randomly get pregnant and decide to experiment on her own child, no, as far as I can tell, THIS WAS PLANNED BEFORE CONCEPTION. Even if this was not the case, a Sephiroth without JENOVA cells literally would not be Sephiroth, but rather, a completely different person (I’d explain this more but I want to stay focused on the initial question).

Lucrecia felt bad because it was her child, not because of the ethical implications of creating a sentient being for the sake of exploitation/weaponisation, so I don’t think Seph would be super stoked about that.

Ultimately, though... I dunno, if she had a breakdown, he wouldn’t just leave her in such a state. He’d definitely want to talk to her, ask her questions, and I can’t see him rejecting her or the maternal warmth she throws at him (though he’d be quite awkward about it). But... he’d still very much feel bitterness over the nature of his existence and challenge her over her decisions. Hell, maybe go off to find Hojo alongside her too, for the sake of closure.

Since he’s nomadic, and would still be inclined to continue his travels (kinda relevant to the whole ~redemption~ thing), he wouldn’t stop for too long to spend time with her: but if she wished to join him (and I’m sure she would), he wouldn’t stop her unless he’s doing something particularly dangerous.

#Anonymous #ramblings #ask #//Sephiroth #//Lucrecia #headcanon #I... have created a monster #how tf did this get so long??????#anyway thank you SO MUCH for the question #I loved it #essay #anyhow soz for keeping this in my drafts for approximately 3986326895 years

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reroseshi · 4 years

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🦇Psychological Analysis of Diabolik Lovers❤:

Hi! I've decided for my first own Tumblr post that I should talk about the franchise that I have been a fan of for 6 years: Diabolik Lovers. After being in this fandom for so long I felt personally kinda cheap for me to just do a short funny post about DL

… sooo~~~ i've decided to share my personal psychological analysis on all the diaboys! Disclaimer:

1-My memory is quite short and trying to analyse 13 fictional mentally ill boys is quite tricky so please be easy on me.^^

2- English isn't my first language so there might be some mistakes so please pardon me for that!

3- I am currently still working on the Mukami's, the Tsukinami's and Kino so they aren't gonna be in this post!

4- I based myself on the manga and MAINLY HDB and MB for my analysis.

Thank you and have a good reading!^^~ <3

-Rero

Sakamaki's:________________________________

-Shu Sakamaki:

Shu is the first born and the heir of the Sakamaki family. Thus, whether he wants it or not, it was decided even before he was born that he will be the victim of a lot of pressure. That pressure to become worthy of being the heir not only came from both of his parents but the servants as well. He couldn’t be free for two seconds. He was obliged to stay inside the castle/mansion (sometimes in the garden with his mom) to study and train, but he wasn’t allowed to go somewhere else. As he lived in a strict environnement, he wasn't happy as a kid and wanted to escape from that life. Meeting Edgar gave him true happiness. He was his first real best friend and he eventually lost him in the flames of his village. Imagine the thing or person who made you discover true happiness burning in front of your own very eyes. You will most likely lose hope in making other close relationship with anything or anyone. That's how Shu is. A depressed, borderline suicidal man who doesn't have any hope anymore and thinks that it is all his fault. Refusing anyone close to him and empty on a daily basis, he uses music as a way to cope with everything. If you think that Shu is easier to love because "he is less harsh than the other brothers" then you are wrong. Shu doesn't want to be involved with anything or anyone. If you try to get close to him, then get ready to be hurt because he is a sadist like his brothers and can hurt you if he doesn't want you near him.

-Reiji Sakamaki:

(If you want a more detailed and a well done analysis, please go check this one:

Reiji was severely neglected as a child by both of his parents. He basically spent his entire childhood trying to get their attention or at least some recognition from them, especially his mom’s, but never got any or if he did it was to remind him that he should be a good younger/brother/servant/right-hand man for his older brother, the next heir of the Sakamaki family Shu. Thus, as he grew up he developed a strong feeling of jealousy for his brother to the point of having a severe inferiority complex. In addition to that, the bitterness that he has for ages inside of him about his mother still resides in him and as we know he is still trying to revive her. Reiji is a man who holds grudges from his past and seeks revenge. He is also someone who loves attention (maybe not as much as Kanato) and wants to be recognized as superior to his brother whom he despises so much to the point that you cannot even talk about Shu around him without having either a death glare or a ass whooping. By putting high standards on to himself, not only in the present but also in his past, he’s become a perfectionist who cares a lot about image and manners. He even forces Yui in his route to learn the perfect lady etiquette. Why does he act this way? Simple, in my opinion it is because he likes to keep a perfect image of himself in a way to detach himself from his brothers whom he despises a lot. You might also ask: if he hates his brothers, then why didn’t he kill them yet? Well, Reiji in one interview (https://prevolt.tumblr.com/post/103068375676/diabolik-lovers-dark-fate-stellaworth-complete )admits that he doesn’t completely hate living with his bros, also if he would’ve killed them, his father would’ve punished him. Even if he seems not that bad with his gentleman personality, Reiji isn’t a kind man. Reiji can easily kill someone. To end this, to go back to the butler-like image he gives himself, I think it could be a mask to hide the insecurities he has. I also believe that he constantly lies to himself and that he doesn’t truly understand his own emotions or even himself has seen many times in his HDB route and in the manga.

-Ayato Sakamaki:

(For Ayato I fell upon this really interesting analysis if you are interested )

Ayato, in his childhood, like all of his brothers, was not treated well by his father but he , most importantly, got overpressured by Cordelia to be number one. He couldn’t get out and play freely like any normal child can do because when he would sneak out, he got punished and got slapped in the face by his own mother telling him that if he cannot be number one, he is not allowed to call her “mother” again.(Also, do I need to remind you all the lake scene from his childhood… )For him, you cannot be loved and/or appreciated if you’re not number one. Because he had to live such a childhood, he developed a severe narcissistic personality. Narcissists are not born, they are made, and they are made by being over praised as a kid for their success (such as having a good grade at school, winning a competition or an award, being the best in what they are doing) and by being emotionally neglected. (Ex: throughout the day the child is getting good compliments from their parents by being the number one at school but when the kid will start crying, the parents will ignore or punish him for it. Not giving him any love or support. Which will lead the kid to build himself an ego higher than Yūma’s height and rejecting his own emotions.) I think it describes Ayato’s behaviour and his past pretty well. Another thing that is important to consider about Ayato is that he looks as if he is frozen in time. (Which is a trait that can also be found in any real life narcissists) Even if his mother is dead and that he has nothing to prove anymore, he is still stuck in the “I need to be number one” as if his brain didn’t move on to the present. In addition to that, Ayato is a really childish man. I mean: he needs Yui’s attention and approval all the time, pouts like a kid, acts like a kid (when he asked Yui to stroke his hair in a childish way, plays pranks on Reiji, …) and sometimes speaks like a kid when things are not going the way he wants them to go. Also, once states that he doesn’t wish to have someone special in his life again because the last one who was special (his mom) broke his heart. Ayato himself and himself only and the only goal in his life is to prove that he is the best. To do that, he will use ANY sadistic method and won’t stop even if you beg. Heck, it’ll only excite him more. He is a narcissistic sadist who keeps his emotions far away from him.

-Kanato Sakamaki:

(For this character I highly suggest that you take a good look a this psychological analysis since in my opinion really detailed and the author made a really good job making it: . Thank you~)

Just like his brother Laito, Kanato throughout his childhood was severely neglected and treated very harshly by both of his parents. The only thing that was valuable to his mother’s eyes was his beautiful voice and literally made him sing until his vocal cords bled. I suspect that Kanato probably suffers from Asperger syndrome from how he acts when he is mad, the fact that he doesn’t understand his or the emotions of others and his overall behaviour. In the present we can all see that he is almost, if not, the scariest of all sakamaki brothers and I think that it is mainly due to the lack of attention and support from his parents. Of all the Sakamaki’s, Kanato is the one who, from very early in his childhood, needed attention and support the most. Why do you think he always has a teddy in his arms (with his mother’s ashes in it must I remind you..)and makes his own doll made out of the body of dead women? Kanato simply cannot stand being alone. He would rather have you dead by his side for all eternity than being rejected or even worse, ignored.(I really recommend to read Kanato’s analysis since it really explains well his behaviour on that aspect^^)

He is maybe cute, remember that he is unable to understand your emotions and that he has no problem killing you. Also to be able to survive with him, you will have to abandon your logic and read in between the lines which isn’t an easy task..(This one is shorter because I think that Kanato isn’t that complex. He is just really different but still stays, in my opinion, pretty simple and easy to understand)

-Laito Sakamaki:

Laito is what I would call an empty pervert who uses sex as a coping mechanism. He believes that there’s nothing more real than pleasure. He even goes further in his “crazy” beliefs that “even the sweetest pain can become the greatest pleasure”. Behind his playful, sociable, perverted personality is a really cruel, cunning and manipulator expert who knows the best tricks to manipulate someone since his mother uses those on him in his “young adulthood” to have sexual intercourses with him. Only used as a sex partner by his mom as a child and never received any unconditional love from his parents, he has a bad definition of love. For him love=lust, real love (true love or even unconditional love) doesn’t exist and that it is all fake. He spends his time having sex to forget about the women that broke him and would even go as far as threatening Yui to death if she resist him when she doesn’t want to get involve in his “activities” or “little games”. But even after all that he can’t forget her and still is captive of her “love”, still feeling her, remembering her scent and everything about her. He can’t escape from that jail. Finally, it’s important to remember that Laito is a sadist who takes an amount of pleasure by having someone succumbing to him in a mental and sexual way. He is not someone to be taken lightly. You might not see the danger totally at first by that’s just how Laito is. He even says it himself in his HDB route, he is the type of man who will follow his prey in an alley before attacking it. Therefore, he is not like most of his brothers, he is not going to attack fully. He’s slowly going to take little bites of you and before you even realize it, you won’t be able to escape from him anymore.

-Subaru Sakamaki:

First of all, we need to know that Subaru was born (just like almost all of his brothers) just for the sake of Karl’s plan. What is different about Subaru is that his mother became crazy when she had her child. (I just want to state that she did want the child and Karlheinz did not totally raped her since it is stated that she accepted but we also all know that she was being manipulated. Since for the moment I want to concentrate more on Subaru I will not spend too much time explaining his parents relationship but it is something that we should definitely analyse as well in my opinion) Subaru was severely neglected by his father and he never knew what it was to have a normal mother. Throughout his entire childhood, he’s witnessed his mother’s unstable mind, bipolarity, her tantrums episodes and even worse, not only her insults being thrown directly at him but her literally asking him to kill both her and Karl. Because of that, he’s developed anger issues, a lack of trust with women, a severe depression and he is, if not, borderline suicidal. I also want to state that (He even states in his route in HDB that the two people he hates the most in “this world” is 1) Karlheinz 2)himself)Subaru is one if not the most sensible emotionally. So that means he feels harder than the others. You can also see that he has developed similar traits has his mother has you get to know him more in his route such as: bipolarity (when he orders Yui to always come and tell him where she’s going and then get mad when she does so telling her that he doesn’t care) and random tantrums. (when he gets mad à Yui for no good reason and even makes false assumptions) Not only does he usuels violence as a coping mechanism but he also always isolates himself, not letting anyone in his hard shell because he believes that he can’t do any good and that he is useless. In his presents, he still believes in his mother’s insults and thinks of him as someone filthy, disgusting, weak, a monster who can’t do anything to help the person he loved, his mother. He hates himself. He is constantly irritated by everything. If you want to love him you will have to endure the violence that he’s going to give to you and live with his confusion and irritation against not only everything that surrounds him but also against himself and you, and you will have to give up your life to make him trust you entirely.

#Tried to put some pics but it didn't worked...fml #I swear in this game you don't date boys #you date mental problems #when you meet people and star analysing them but then you get these DL vietnam flashbacks #going through HDB made me feel so bad #HDB is the worst #Recent DL games are much softer imo #Diabolik Lovers #Psychological analysis #Sakamaki #Shu #Reiji #Ayato #Kanato #Laito #Subaru

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hopetofantasy · 4 years

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‘Wandering Romance’

- A future with child fic -

Square Filled: Future, Family, Past lovers Ship: Sander Driesen/Robbe Ijzermans Trigger Warnings (if applicable): none applied. Created for @skamevents Summary: "A perfect, tight little family. But happy. Until one unfortunate day in May, in the year that David turned six." In the future, Robbe and Sander have a son named David. The only tie they have left with each other, actually. Because our lovers split up years ago, due to mistakes that were made in the past. So is their love strong enough to sustain a healthy friendship? Will they find their way to each other again or break all connections for good? Also available on AO3

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CHAPTER 1: 'No one knows the pain'

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“David! Your dad’s here!”

Loud thundering on the stairs, caused by tiny child’s feet, followed by a high pitched exhale directed towards the man in the door. The later one immediately wrapped his arms around his hyperactive boy. Sighing deeply. The emotion on his face revealed unconditional love, as well as a vague sadness. Hurt. Hurt for the other man standing on the opposite side.

“Papa, I missed you! OMG, did you color your hair again? I don’t see any brown anymore, I love the brown, papa, why did you change it? Oh and I -”

“David, let your father have some room to breathe, please. Go put on some shoes and bring your jacket, it’s cold out.”

The 9 year old turned towards the other part of the parental couple. The deep brown in his eyes filled with such an invigorating energy. The color was something he inherited from Robbe. The lack of stopping the chaos in his head? That was such a Sander move. David truly was a piece of both. Even though, he wasn’t truly born out of either of them, he simply belonged here.

“But, paps, I don’t want to wear my own jacket!”

“What are you going to wear then?”

“Papa’s leather jacket!” he exclaimed, like it just was as easy as one plus one. The long blonde curls bouncing off his head, while he pulled at the arm of Sander’s coat. The beach blonde couldn’t help, but laugh fondly at his son’s statement. He really loved the boy like nobody else. Well, there may be a time, where he loved someone just as much.

Gosh, Robbe, don’t think about that.

“It’s okay, Robbe,” Sander directed the flashy smile towards him, knowing all too well he couldn’t say no to the both of them if they banded together. “We’re just going to the movies anyways. The new cartoon movie is perfect for our tiny artist. Isn’t it?” A excited squeal filled the cold air between them. Apparently, he had touched David on a ticklish spot, trying to make him giggle.

Robbe couldn’t help, but feel the sting. The picture before his eyes made his heartache complete. Sander laughing along with their beautiful son, the beach blonde complementing the blond, energy matching tones, he even saw how David was starting to copy Sander’s mannerisms more and more. Reminding him, every day, of the mistake he once made.

The follow-up question made the atmosphere even more loaded. “How’s Wouter? I didn’t see his car in the driveway? I thought he wasn’t working today?”, was asked. Ah, there it was. Another cut in his heart. Exactly the question he was trying to avoid. Another crossed line through his life. Something he didn’t intended to share with his ex. Not completely, at least.

“He hasn’t been around much, lately.”, he simply stated. Knowing that Sander would probably connect the dots later, he’d rather not discuss this in front of their son. It was difficult enough to maintain relationships in these situations. Especially when you were still friends with the other dad. They needed to be. Their son didn’t ask for this, he deserved to have a strong, loving family.

Something they’d made clear from the day they signed the divorce documents.

It only took a half an hour to get David ready, which was a record in Robbe’s book. After searching the entire room for his son’s shoes and the kitchen cabinets for his backpack (don’t ask, it’ll be easier if you. just. didn’t. ask), he was finally able to hand over the week-bag, the dreaded jacket and wave them goodbye. A huge piercing smile on their little one’s face. And...

A loaded glance.

An electrified touch.

A last cheek kiss.

Before he slumped down against the back of the door.

-^-

It didn’t start out this way, you know. They were happy before. Before all the things that led up to this moment.

Wait, I’m jumping ahead.

Let me tell you a story. The story of a beautiful love shared between two boys. Boys who loved like they never loved before. They found each other, they lost each other and found each other again. Push and pull. To say that their love was a rollercoaster? That’s an understatement. It made them only stronger in the future.

Until, it didn’t.

In the week of Robbe’s 20th birthday, they decided to move into their own apartment. It was a tiny studio at the edge of the city centre. Just enough for the both of them. Their living room was filled by their bed, tossed clothes and a ratty couch, the kitchen was tiny enough to only fit a midget size refrigerator, a second-hand stove and one kitchen counter. That they didn’t use anyways. Except... for... stuff. You know.

But it was perfect.

The best time of their lives.

When Robbe came home every day after class - his last year of IT & Webdesign - he could wrap his arms around his lover, who smelled of paint, citrus and himself. Kissing Sander was like being born again. Giving him goosebumps each time. No other feeling was as fierce. This bliss, this happiness. Making love to him, was heaven on earth. Nothing could compare. Nothing ever did.

Sander was struggling to get by on an artist paycheck. He only sold one of his pieces to art collectors every other month. His talents weren’t always appreciated like they should’ve been. But he kept trying. Through his highs as well as his lows, he never gave up his two passions: his art and David Bowie. He once even made an entire collection of Bowie portraits.

Which would later caught the eye of a notorious gallery owner, asking him to join the alternative artist collective he was setting up. Filled with musicians, writers, painters. Sander’s people. But that would take at least a couple of more years of struggling. Of cheap dinners and scraping by on one paycheck. Until the year of David’s sixth birthday.

When Robbe made the mistake.

To say that their lives was perfect, was an huge overstatement though. Sander’s medication wasn’t always working like it needed to be, living together wasn’t quite the same as staying with their parents and Robbe’s studies took a lot out of him. And then came the day that Jens knocked on their door. With a statement that chilled their bones to the core.

“Noor’s dead.”

Shock.

Denial.

Sadness.

Such a beautiful soul that was lost. Never roaming the earth again. Never again her special artistic cooking, the scoffing if someone said something she considered dumb. Late night jamming sessions, wine spills on new couches, burning protests at parliaments, all saying ‘f-u society, I’m not your bitch’? All gone. The light that made all of their laughs a little brighter, was no more.

And their lives would never again be the same.

These emotions followed rapidly by anger. Because apparently, it was a drunk driver that had hit her car on the way home. On the way home to her family. A tight little group that’d only consisted of a proud surrogate uncle/roommate Jens and a small child, barely a year old. The latter one was a small detail that she’d left out of her stories of backpacking in the US of A. Something that Jens didn’t mention during the wild parties, set up by Moyo in his underground club.

The small child was already fatherless, but now he didn’t have a mom either. He had nobody to care for him. Jens had put every single cent into his new start-up in New York and was in the process of moving there. Trying to set up a different life. Possibly meeting up with Jana again. Before all of this had happened, of course. Because who could’ve know?

So the boys didn’t have any other choice.

From the moment both had seen the little, bubbly baby in his basket, crying out for his mom, they’d knew. The boy had nestled in their hearts. The sorrow was a little less harsh, when you could look into the eyes of someone so pure. Noor’s son needed them. It was what Robbe owed her. For her unconditional love. After all, she had been his voice of reason, his shoulder to cry on - even through international phone calls - when it all was too much. The harshness of life.

The Sobbe relationship rollercoaster.

So arrangements were made. A graduate job secured. A family-backed loan for a small house was asked. And the adoption process had started. It only took them a year, due to Aaron’s social work contacts, before they could call David theirs. David Ijzermans-Driesen. The only one that could call them ‘papa’ and ‘paps’. The most precious boy in the entire universe. And any other universe, for that matter. In every parallel one.

A perfect, tight little family. But happy.

Until one unfortunate day in May, in the year that David turned six.

-^-

“Schat, don’t be so nervous. It’s me who’s supposed to be nervous, right?”

Sander eyes twinkled with mischief. He was dragging Robbe along to the dress rehearsal for their ‘happening’. Yes, a happening. Like the ones in the times of hippie communes. Those kind of artsy fartsy things. The brown haired boy didn’t know what it had meant entirely, but whatever Sander was into, he couldn’t help but show it to his partner.

To be completely honest, their relationship was strained these last few months. Robbe was more tired than anything else. Their son had started his first year of primary school, so this meant that evenings were filled with encouraging to practice reading and writing, guiding through homework and all the while trying to understand the problems that had manifested into his web code. His plate was filled with more work than ever before.

He wouldn’t really blame Sander, though, since this was the first time he finally caught a break in the artistic world. Yet, unconsciously, he had counted the days that they didn’t touch each other. And they were a lot. At least, for a couple that’d got married only a year ago. They were supposed to be in their blissful period of marriage, filled with the constant desire to touch each other at any time at any place.

And that wasn’t the case.

So when he caught sight of a certain man, someone who wasn’t his husband, his heart had skipped a slight beat. His hands were starting to get clammy, his voice caught in his throat and he didn’t know how to breath anymore. Robbe didn’t remember the last time this had happened with Sander. So, his immediate next thought, was shame and disgust.

For what he felt right now.

Yet, he couldn’t seem to look away. All during the dress rehearsal, his eyes were following the beautiful man who played along with his guitar in the background. His eyes were stars of stark blue, covered by a mop of light curls. The combination of these, together with a timid, yet mysterious air around him, immediately reeled him in. Worst part? He seemed to know Robbe was staring at him. Before he exited the area, he even turned back to wink at him.

Sander, of course, didn’t caught his boy’s entire thought process that followed. He was still going on about the dynamics of the entire art installation. Even introducing his other half to a few new friends he’d made. A Spanish girl with colorful hair, a German boy with a too-cool-for-you gaze and pair of Italian guys with soft smiles. Their energy all flowed through one another, like single organism. Like they were all part of something better.

Robbe could understand why Sander was attracted to these kind of people. He however, still wanted the ask the question that lingered in the back of his mind. Who had been the beautiful model that gave him a wink? Was he still here? Did he expect something of him? He couldn’t do anything to someone else than Sander. Right? Right. It was wrong, with the capital W. So he let it be.

At least, that what’s he thought.

All through the happenings, the same feelings manifested. His eyes pulled towards the mysterious guy, instead of what his own husband was doing. While he heard the gasps of the audience around him, he gasped at the intense stare. While the people were urging closer to see what was happening, he’d fill his mind with thoughts about what he would do with the man before him.

Laying him down on the floor.

Touching him.

Kissing him.

Making his way with him.

Sander seemed to know Robbe wasn’t really raving about the entire art thing, so he never asked why his eyes glanced over every time he brought up the performances. He seemed to wait patiently for his lover to talk about his thoughts. What seemed to bother him. But, that was the thing: he didn’t. Robbe didn’t say a word. He just... stared. Longingly.

At someone else.

On the fourth week of mutual silence, Sander spiraled. His words were reeling with pain, with agony. They still didn’t know what caused an bipolar episode. They both wished they did, though, this time even more. Because it was a really, really bad one. Never before had Sander called him names. Never before did he make Robbe cry with desperation. He didn’t even let him touch him. Sander had said about himself, that he was a waste of space, so why would Robbe even bother about loving him? Why would their son ever love him? He was broken.

And Robbe let his tears fall.

He blamed himself. Because of the thoughts he had about the unknown man. He deserved this. A loveless touch, a hollow kiss, a silenced dagger thrown at his heart. He had felt something for someone else, he deserved so much worse. This was just tip of the ice-berg. It’s what he manifested. What he cooked up in his own thoughts, that made Sander hate him. Robbe knew it was all his fault.

His rational mind knew that these feelings were ridiculous though. Sander wasn’t his MI. His lover always saw the best in him, it was just the chemicals in his brain that sometimes fought with each other. And that, was maybe even worse. Knowing that Sander would always love him, no matter what, even when his episode was at his lowest, while Robbe was looking at someone else?

It broke him.

His fault.

Toxic.

For feeling the wrong things towards the wrong guy.

Sander saw it happening. After the episode, when he climbed out of the canyon of hurt, he still tried to pull his lover out of his own spiral. He touched his cluttered mind, wanted to break through the newly built walls and screamed out in frustration to shock him. But Robbe slowly became more silent. He reverted back to his older self, his younger, less pronounced ‘me’. The one who was insecure about every step he took. About every thing he did. About their love.

And that’s when he broke them.

Fights were more the norm in their household than lovemaking. David kept running towards either of them asking if they were angry at each other. To stop crying. To stop shouting. To stop hurting each other. He wanted papa and paps to be happy again. He wanted to kiss all the boo-boos away, making their hearts hurt even more.

So, after a bunch of whispered discussions, a few stints at a crappy couples counselor - some smuck that didn’t even remember their names - and a few months of loaded silence, they knew. This wasn’t healthy anymore. Sander gave and gave and gave, while Robbe ran. He ran away from the love. They knew it had to stop. It was healthier this way. To catch a break. To breathe.

A breath that was stolen only one time more. Their lips connected, the tears flowed, their bodies felt the hurt between them, even though they were making love. For the last time. Pieces of heart exchanged, never truly whole again. Grasping at the air surrounding them. Emerald eyes lingering into brown. The touch of heaven. Never again. All over. Discarded.

Making the biggest mistake in both their lives:

They split up.

-^-

“Don’t forget, Robbe”

“I won’t.”

“I’m serious”

“I know.”

“David won’t stop babbling on about this.”

“Yes, Sander, he’s my son too. I know this already!”

“...”

“Sorry...”

“... It’s okay.”

Robbe sighed, fidgeting with the cellphone in his hand. A headache was starting to build up behind his eyes. Why did Sander call him again? Like he didn’t know about the biggest event of the school year approaching? The school’s annual show was on Saterday, open to every parent interested in sending their kids to the school as well as the parents of attending children.

“He just wants us to be there. Maybe we could invite the rest of the boys?”

“I’ll ask them. I don’t know if Jens will get a babysitter on such short notice, though. Jana is pretty busy with her job as a lawyer, you know that.”

“Come on, try to convince them to come. Maybe Amber can babysit the kids. It’s been a while since David has seen his uncles!”

Robbe thought long and hard about this statement. It had been a while since he saw his best friends. Nowadays, their lives were filled with juggling their family lives, responsibilities at work while maintaining a healthy lifestyle with their respective partners. Not that he didn’t know how difficult it could be sometimes.

Only recently, he’d acquired the new lecturing job at the IT departement, making way more pay and significantly better hours, so he could focus his time on David. Robbe really liked this job though. Educating other young people in the world of digits and numbers, something that always made sense even if your life was insecure. Exactly why he studied IT in the first place.

“Robbe, are you there?”, Sander voice whispered soothingly. Like only an ex-lover could feel, he somehow knew every thought that passed through Robbe’s brain. “You know, you don’t have to invite them if you don’t want to. I’m sure we’ll be fine just the three of us. David will be proud to show us his performance nonetheless. He’s been raving about his Bowie song, since they made the announcement.”

“The three of us?”

“Yeah, you, me and Wouter right?”

“Ah. Yes.”

“You know, your boyfriend?”, the voice chuckled.

Since a month ago, Robbe’s free weeks were filled with unhealthy habits again. Pigging out on junk food, vegetating on the couch, binging Netflix shows. Only, his friends or Sander didn’t need to know about this. David barely met his ex-boyfriend, thank god. They didn’t need to know about the nasty fights that happened between him and Wouter.

About the black eyes, cuts and bruises.

The disgusting words.

The break-up...

But yeah,

Robbe deserved all of it anyways.

“Robbe...”, he heard the other whisper.

“You do know I don’t have a problem with him, right? I mean, it’s been ages since the two of us were ever together. You deserve a healthy love-life. Someone to call yours. Someone who loves you. You deserve someone who gives you the world. I don’t like you being alone. I want to see you happy...”

He didn’t knew why Sander said stuff like that to him. He didn’t deserve it, because all he brought upon his lovers was worry and anger. Everything he touched, would slowly turn more and more toxic. During their teenage years, Sander had said something similar to him. Right after an episode. And he didn’t believe it. He never will. Since it was him that made everything worse.

Not Sander. Not Wouter. Not any of his other previous flings.

Him.

“You know what I think about that, Sander.”

“Robbe...”

“I’ll ask the boys, okay?”

“But Robbe, I-”

“Give David a kiss for me!”

He quickly disconnected the line.

Before Sander could say something back.

He simply didn’t want to know.

Focussing his thoughts on anything else, pulling out a vague sketch their son had made. Apparently the drawing class was paying off. He’d made the outline of a tree, standing lonely in a grove. The environment around it was completely bare. No grass. Yet, at the outlines you could still see the branches of other trees. Something felt off.

Robbe shook his head. He was probably projecting his own feelings onto the drawing. It was just a grove of trees, for god’s sake. An amazing technique. Some intense colors. That truly made the sketch vibrate. Their tiny boy was filled with lots of surprises. You see, both parents still didn’t know what song he’d picked to sing for them Saturday. “Something special”, David said with a glint in his eyes, before packing his bag for his stay at Sander’s.

The co-parenting system was a bitch as well as a blessing. He’d love to see his boy more than every other week, but some ‘me-time’ wasn’t bad either. Having this free time for himself was a privilege. Time to sort out stuff in the house, work ahead for the school year or take relaxing baths. Maybe go to a bar and hook up with someone, without having a hyperactive kid bursting in.

Not that he felt up for that right now.

But he truly was happy with the 9 year old. Every moment with him was an extra day of unconditional love. A love that was consistent. A gift that kept on giving. A reflection of a beautiful soul lost. But also a mirror for Sander and him.

He was happy.

Or at least, he thought he was.

(But he wasn’t)

#wtfock #wtfam #skambingo #skamevents #part 1 of 4 #tumblr keeps yeeting my stuff

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ajokeformur-ray · 4 years

Note

Hi there! 💕 I'm not sure if you're taking asks. I wanted to know if you could do a match-up between me and Arthur/Joker? I'm 5'0 with medium length blonde hair, brown eyes and large black/red glasses. I'm introverted, very emotional and suffer from an anxiety disorder. Empathic.. I've always tried to stay hidden from the world. I have a huge affinity for animals. Call me weird, but I connect better with animals than people. They understand me. I love reading and movies. Thanks love! 🥰

Hi, my love!💚 I hope you enjoy this. @call-me-harley-quinn

Total word count: 1,575.

Arthur // wc: 769.

There’s a good eight inch height difference between the two of you so Arthur is... rather protective of you. He adores coming home from a long and exhausting day at work and being able to fold you into the safe cage of his embrace; he can almost fold himself in half when he does so. Nothing makes Arthur feel safer than knowing that you’re being held against his chest, his arms tightly around you, his lips in your hair or his nose nuzzling into your neck, his hands running up and down your back... Arthur also loves running his hands through your hair. When you’ve just had a shower or when it needs to be brushed, he’s mesmerised by the way you run the bristles through your hair and he always wants to take the brush from you and do it himself, to feel your hair fall through his fingers like liquid gold. But afraid of rejection is he, scared to be told no is he, and so he never asks. Arthur is also very careful with your glasses. It’s not unusual for him to clean them for you when he notices that you’ve left them laying around and if you put them down somewhere, Arthur does not move them until it’s somewhere silly, like the back of the toilet. If you leave your glasses on the coffee table or the kitchen counter, he’ll leave them there because he wouldn’t like someone moving his stuff, either. Arthur is very conscious of you and he’ll do everything he can to protect you and to look after you, which leads rather nicely into my next point.

Arthur is in awe of you and how deeply you experience emotions. It’s easy to get overwhelmed by others’ emotions and sometimes it becomes too much and you just need the entire world to stop and go away. Arthur knows and understands better than anyone that sometimes you just need to breathe and he always does what he can to make sure that you get time to yourself every day to just unwind and to be by yourself, or with him if you would prefer. You’re introverted and Arthur enjoys spending time at home with you; coming home to you is the very favourite part of his every working day and it gives Carnival an extra pep in his step when he catches the subway home. You try to stay hidden from the world and Arthur does what he can to help you. Sometimes he can’t be there for you because he’s too tired in his own right or he’s too worn down or just... can’t for whatever reason, but the two of you have an equation of give and take which varies in percentage either way every day, depending on whose emotional needs are greater on any given day. Sometimes you both comfort each other and on those nights are you only brought closer together, over your shared pains. Arthur loves you so, so deeply and he always does what he can to look after you and to protect you.

To say that you’re an animal person is an understatement. Arthur’s always wanted a cat of his own, or just some kind of pet that he gets to come home to every night, and when he found out that you adore animals, well... He thought for months about moving in with you and getting a pet with you, about whether you would have a cat or a dog or maybe even some other kind of creature, like a tarantula, and when finally does he build up the courage to ask you is he almost shaking. Arthur gets on well with animals, too, he loves them, and one of his favourite pastimes is to watch you interact with an animal. Leaning against the doorway is he with his arms folded over his chest and the sharp angles of his chin illuminated by the lamps which are strategically dotted around the room, the softest of smiles on his face as he watches you. You also enjoy reading and watching films and the two of you often cuddle up on the sofa or in the bed to watch Murray together, or Arthur writes in his journal and works on his comedic material while you read, and the like. The evenings are for the two of you only; no one else and nothing else is allowed to intrude on this time together, which is yours and Arthur’s. No exceptions. You’re his entire world and he loves you so much; as deeply and as richly as you love him!

Joker // wc: 806.

One thing hasn’t changed, no matter what he calls himself or what he’s done, and that’s Arthur’s undying and unconditional love for his Megan. He loves you so, so much and nothing and no one will ever change that. For every thing he discovers about you, he only loves you more. He adores wrapping you up in his embrace just as much as he always did, only now does it hold just a bit more weight. It has a bit more of a bittersweet tang to it because with all he’s ever said and all he’s ever done, you still love him just as fiercely, just as strongly, and you still do everything that you can to be there for him, to love him and to keep him safe within himself and the things he has done. Where he used to be highly respectful of where you store your glasses and he never did anything you wouldn’t want him to, he’s now not afraid to tap the arms of your glasses with a smirk. “Can I, doll?” and if you say yes, he’ll pluck them off your face (held carefully and lightly in one hand) and kiss you so securely that you almost forget your own name. If you say no, he only smiles and kisses you anyway; being able to remove your glasses (always with your permission) is just another way in which Joker is free in all the ways he interacts with you and there’s nothing he won’t do for you, especially if it means keeping you safe. Which, again, leads me nicely into...

By this stage in your relationship, Joker knows exactly how to help you with your anxiety disorder. He knows all of the warning signs, all of the physical tells that you have, all of the small habits you have... Joker knows you. He knows you so well and for everything new which he discovers about you, he only loves you more. Joker loves coming home to you, knowing that you’re safe and at home, knowing that you’re alive and well. You’ve always tried to stay hidden from the world and most often is that now what he has to do, too, so nights in with only the two of you are still just as common as they used to be when it was you the unseen and unknown Arthur. You’re very emotional and Joker is as there for you as he has always been; that’s one thing that would never, ever change. You stayed with him through it all, you stayed, and it’s the most beautiful gift you could have given him. There is nothing Joker wouldn’t do for you and in all ways but legal does he consider the two of you partners in life (and in crime, if you would like to be). Joker is also still so in awe of you and how deeply you feel. Everything that he ever was and ever has been and ever will be was vented out one night on national television in the form of a violent and explosive mental breakdown. But you; you’re still so you no matter what you go through or what you feel and your inner strength is very much something which he admires. He turned cold, almost, but you... oh, but you don’t shy away and he sees so much of himself in you.

You adore animals and if you don’t already have a pet together then one night, Joker came home with a wriggly pocket. Small meows emitted from the closed space and with a high pitched giggle did Joker dip a hand elegantly into the pocket and extracted a tiny, flea ridden and definitely hungry kitten. You can tell by the tears swimming in those expressive green oceans that Joker can see so much of himself in this tiny, helpless creature. He can’t turn away any suffering creature, even now, and the two of you work together and bond ever closer over the care of this tiny kitten. He allows you to name it because he has everything he could ever want right here, with you. Joker loves watching you interact with animals. It’s one of the few things which still causes heat to bloom in his chest and spread strongly through his veins, You are the best part of him, the best part of his life and the best part of Gotham and he will always, always, protect you. No matter what. Film nights are still very common and you do them nightly. It’s a special time for the two of you and nothing and no one else is allowed to get in on this time, which is still just for the two of you. Joker would rather die than ever jeopardise everything which he has built up with you.

#call-me-harley-quinn #requests closed #arthur fleck #arthur fleck matchup #matchup #joker #joker matchup

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msjr0119 · 5 years

Text

Forgive me

Part 7- Goodbye for now

A mini series, includes suicide and abuse.

Based on true events but using TRR characters who are owned by Pixelberry.

@annekebbphotography @burnsoslow @drakesensworld @ladyangel70 @kingliam2019 @bbrandy2002 @butindeed @bascmve01 @drakewalker04 @pedudley @captain-kingliamsqueen @duchessemersynwalker @insideamirage @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @kozabaji @texaskitten30 @ibldw-main @kimmiedoo5 @nikkis1983 @dangerouseggseagleartisan @gnatbrain @walker7519 @lodberg @cmestrella @hopefulmoonobject @addictedtodrakefanfic @angi15h @liamxs-world @rafasgirl23415 @notoriouscs @yukinagato2012 @dcbbw @qammh-blog @nz1091 @beardedoafdonutwagon @cordonianroyalty @custaroonie

******

The Derby had ended, Liam was relieved as he couldn’t concentrate watching it with his father and Regina by his side- constantly asking questions regarding his relationship with Riley. Thoughts constantly repeated in his mind debating whether or not his father was being sincere with his previous words that were said. Drake came by to see him - to check on how his best was doing.

“Hey. I’ve got us a drink. Riley and Max won. Them two together are acting like excited puppies. It’s slightly annoying.”

“Drake come in.” Liam shouted sounding relieved to have some proper company by his side. Constantine and Regina excused themselves leaving the two men alone. Drake passed Liam a beer, as Liam was about to thank him- he noticed something on Drake’s neck.

“Erm, have you been sneaking off with Ella again? Or has Bat-sien had a go at your neck?”

“Damn! I might have to ask one of the girls for some make up. Is it bad? How are you and Riley? Have you kissed and made up yet? She wouldn’t tell us anything.”

“It could be worse. Leo used to literally have blood dripping down his neck. Yes, we are fine. My father is insisting that she should be Queen. Leo is inisisting that I should be Lucas’s father.”

“Leo? You’re as bad as Riley.”

“He’s here Drake. We are not crazy. I wanted to ask you something. A favour really.” Drake suddenly felt a cold shiver down his back- assuming it was just due to the grief he ignored it, wondering what type of favour a prince would require from a commoner.

“Shoot.”

“As there’s no social season, we won’t be doing all the usual events. I know you don’t like all the noble events anyway... so I was going to ask if you could go back to New York with Riley. With Ella too. Then come back together.”

“But you need me here. I go to those events because you are my best friend- my brother.”

“I need someone I trust to keep an eye out on Riley and Lucas. I just thought you’d, what do they say? ‘Jump at the chance’ to see Ella more.”

“Okay, I’ll do it. But you owe me some whiskey.” The two friends laughed at Drake’s bribery techniques. Liam knew he would owe him a lifetime of whiskey for protecting his family.

*****

It was Saturday morning, a week since the gentlemen had first met Riley. A week since she had informed them of the news that nobody would want to be hit with unexpectedly. Walking over to Lucas’s cot, Liam admired his nephew. A fusion of emotions hit him whilst looking adorably at the boy; happiness that this little miracle could carry on the Rhys name, sadness that Riley and he was leaving in the morning and guilt that Leo wasn’t around to celebrate this first milestone. Picking Lucas up, he held him tightly- in a week he had fallen in love with Leo’s mini me.

“Happy first birthday buddy. Your mommy has done a brilliant job of raising you. I love you so much. I hope to spend the rest of your birthdays celebrating with you. Are you going to be a rebellious prince like your father or the ‘goody two shoes’ prince like your uncle?”

“Hopefully a bit of both?”

“Ri... I... I didn’t know you was awake.”

“I felt cold once you got out of bed.” Riley smirked at him, her eyes pleading for him to join her back in bed, with the young prince. Liam carried Lucas over to the bed, witnessing the unconditional bond between a mother a son as Lucas wrapped his arms tightly around her neck.

“Happy birthday my baby. You are so loved. I am never leaving you, you mean so much to me. You may not remember today when you’re older, but this is such a special day.”

“I’ll leave you both to it.” Liam began to walk towards the door, Riley was confused as to why he would disappear- she knew he had no meetings today.

“Why? You’re family. We’re family.” Feeling relieved that Riley wanted to include him in this special occasion he smiled fondly at the two of them. The two people who at this moment in time meant the absolute world to him. Clearing his throat, he couldn’t wait to show Lucas what surprise he had for him.

“I asked Drake to pick me up a present for him from me.”

“You shouldn’t have. The greatest present you could have given him is being present in his life.”

“I’ll always be there for him and for you too.” Kissing her on the forehead he meant every word and had hoped that she would understand that he was being sincere. Sitting Lucas on the floor, he opened Riley’s presents from her first, and then Liam’s. The little boys eyes lit up.

“It’s a bit sentimental to me. Myself and Leo always used to play with trains. I hope he likes it. The royal family tend to keep children’s birthdays private, with just close family and friends attending. I wasn’t sure if you had anything planned seen as though it was an impromptu trip coming here. We could take him for a walk around the grounds? Have a picnic?”

“Sounds perfect Liam.”

******

Riley, Liam and Lucas spent the day just together- allowing Lucas to play with his new toys. Liam had built a train track that travelled all around his room- Riley wasn’t sure who was having more fun. The adult Prince or the young prince. The picnic was brief but simple- all feeling over faced after a while. Once bathing Lucas and reading him a goodnight story, he fell asleep immediately - Riley and Liam spent the remaining time they had together wrapped up under the quilt- their limbs intertwined. Both feeling content in each other’s embrace, surrounded by a calm atmosphere- Liam began to have hope that this was a premonition of what his future was going to entitle.

The morning after; Riley, Lucas, Drake, Ella and Rob were preparing for their flight back to New York. Liam had insisted that they used the royal jet suggesting that he would escort them there- but Drake disagreed, making a valid point that it would be harder and more emotional for Liam to let go of them.

“Drake will look after you both in New York, I will ring you every day. I’m going to miss you both so much.”

“We will miss you too. Won’t we Lucas.” Lucas snuggled into Liam, unable to keep his emotions hidden- Riley walked over to him, caressing his cheek and wiping away his tears with her thumb.

“I’ll be back before you know it your highness.” Liam didn’t care who saw his affections towards Riley, his lips brushed hers not in a teasing way but in a passionate and demanding way instead. Losing theirselves in each other, neither wanted to pull away. “Riley...” he whispered quietly yet slowly, her heart began fluttering at his voice.

“I’ll be waiting for you, always. Nothing will prevent me from seeing you both again.... Riley?”

“Yes?”

“I love you.” Riley hesitated at first, not knowing if to say those three little words back with an audience watching them.

“Liam, I...”

“Riley, come on. Say goodbye. I’ll look after them Liam. Can’t say that I’m going to miss the balls these next couple of weeks.” Drake laughed at his own sarcasm- slightly grateful that he didn’t have to put himself through those events. Liam didn’t feel like attending all the royal events. It was time to say goodbye. The goodbye he knew was coming sooner rather than later but also dreaded. The goodbye to the only person that he had ever felt content with. The only person that he had felt happy with. Without her he would feel like he had lost a limb. The last week, consisted of times that they would just talk, laugh, do normal things that normal people would do. Gaining a bond, learning about each other- sharing memories about Leo. Wishing he could turn back time, so he could have supported Leo when he was alive, saving everyone from all this continuous heartache. Already knowing that his chest would feel empty the minute she left- the only way he could get through this pain was knowing that she was going to return with Lucas.

“I’ll ring you once we land.” Liam nodded before kissing her with one lasting lingering kiss, attempting to hold back the tears that were forming in his baby blues. Watching the SUV drive away, it was as if it was in slow motion. Once it was out of sight, he headed straight to his quarters pushing past everyone who was shouting his name in a concerned manner. Entering the room, the scent of Riley was still lingering. Laying on his bed, he smelt the perfume she wore. Everything reminded him of her, crying uncontrollably into the pillow- he felt more alone now than ever before.

*****

A week had gone by, Drake had kept his promise always checking in on Riley and Lucas. Whilst also getting to know Ella- slowly falling in love with her. Debating on whether to return to Cordonia or to give love a chance. Riley and Liam had too had kept to their promise, always talking on the phone at every opportunity given- both always feeling devastated when they had to hang up. Much to her surprise, she had sold her apartment quickly- now it was a waiting game for the deal to go through. Riley was working, it was dead as if she was stood in a morgue- most of the shift was spent daydreaming about Liam and their discussions over the phone, during this excruciating time apart. Thinking about her last call with Liam, knowing it was only going to be a matter of days before she could see him again.

“Hey.”

“Hello. Are you okay?”

“I’ve got some news. I’m homeless.”

“What do you mean?”

“The apartment sold. The couple loved it and are eager to move in as soon as possible.”

“That’s great news Riley.”

“Isn’t it? Also, I officially only have another week to work. Because I didn’t use all my annual leave- my manager has let me use that towards my notice.”

“So you’ll be back sooner than expected?”

“Yes. It’ll just be myself and Lucas though...Drake is taking an extended stay in New York.”

“I gathered when I spoke to him before. I’m thrilled that you’ll be coming back earlier. I have to go, I don’t want to but I have to. Another ball. I’ve missed you both so much- it’s not the same without you both.”

“We’ve missed you too.”

Unexpectedly Drake and Ella stormed through the door, looking panic stricken unbeknown to her. Before Riley could read their expressions, she poured a whiskey and a cocktail. Whenever her manager wasn’t around she would sneakily give her closest friends a drink on the house. As the two of them arrived at the bar, neither touched their drinks which was unusual- instead just looked at each other with sorrow in their eyes, holding back the tears, they didn’t know how to explain to Riley the news they had just received.

“Are you two going away for a kinky weekend away? What’s with all the bags?”

“Riley... Erm... I don’t know how to tell you this....”

“Drake don’t worry- you’re not my babysitter. I won’t tell Liam. It’s our little secret. Enjoy your time together.”

“Riley, you can’t tell Liam anyway.... he... there was an explosion and an attack on the palace....”

Riley’s brain faltered for a moment, every part of her froze as if her life was on pause. Realising that her brain needed to try and absorb the words that Drake had just said- maybe she misunderstood what he said, but looking at the two people in front of her realisation hit her, waking her up from the trance immediately.

“I... I... oh my god... I didn’t say that I loved him back... Drake you didn’t give me chance to... I can’t... breathe...” Feeling guilty that he had forced to abruptly end their painful goodbye- he needed to think positive even though he was dying deep down. Placing his hand on her shoulder, he told her to breathe- following his instructions and advise she felt slightly better.

“Riley, he’s alive. He’s fine. Well not fine but he’s alive. We have to go back to Cordonia now.”

“What happened to him?” She asked, barely able to ask that question. Tears were now uncontrollably running down her cheek- her mascara was smudged. Drake lent towards her holding her hands after wiping her tears.

“He had a forceful blow to his head, attempting to protect Kiara, who was stabbed.” Looking at the time, he knew Bastien would be here with Maxwell within the next few hours travelling on the the royal jet. “They think he may have become blind due to the explosion and the trauma. I’m so sorry Riley.”

#theroyalromance #choices trr #riley brooks #drakewalker #liam rhys #riley x drake #riley x liam #trr forgive me

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