#same as most other long term diagnoses

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

autism awareness & autism acceptance not either or. not mutually exclusive. can coexist. need coexist.

“there enough awareness for autism already 🙄 we need acceptance”

ok. you aware of high support needs autism? aware what that even means? not “need reminder take meds need remind take shower” “high” support needs autism, but “need full physical help do bADLs lack danger awareness may accidentally hurt self or even kill self without support” high support needs autism? not just higher support needs people who can be independently online do advocacy, but those who need help from others even be online, or those who cannot be online at. all.?

aware of nonverbal nonspeaking people? not just nonverbal nonspeaking people who can write grammatically correct cannot tell apart base on writing. not just nonverbal nonspeaking people who can be online who can advocate online.

aware of nonverbal nonspeaking people who cannot communicate in way that easily understood, either for now, or ever? aware of nonverbal nonspeaking people without functional communication, aware of how without functional communication, how that drastically limit communication, even though behaviors are valid communication? aware of nonverbal nonspeaking people who may never use AAC fluently even with best support?

aware of technically verbal but very limited verbal autistics who may only able say wants & needs but not other things and certainly not online advocacy, “despite being verbal”?

aware of just how much our life depends on caregiver/carer/PCA/etc? aware how vulnerable that make us? aware of abuse from caregivers? aware of caregiver burnout from lack of support for caregivers, & how that impact our care we receive? have you even heard of term respite care? aware of those of us who cannot separate ourselves from caregiver? aware of those of us who cannot participate in autism community without caregiver?

aware of visibly autistic people? aware how we not automatically believed? aware how we often bear blunt of violence because we most easily identified target because we visible? aware visible =/= get support, aware that many those diagnosed severe who now adult so no longer qualify for services under 21 year old, languish in hospitals because nowhere to go? aware how long life saving necessary waitlists are? aware that even to this day parents have to fight school fight day service fight government fight insurance for them give their nonverbal nonspeaking child AAC & be properly taught how use it? actually, are you aware of how properly teach AAC to nonverbal nonspeaking, developmentally delayed child who may or may not have intellectual disability?

actually, aware of autistics with (correctly diagnosed) intellectual disability & how they make up big amount of autistic? aware of institutional systemic & legal impact of mental [r word] right & the human rights abuse justified using r word right? wait, you aware that r word come from old term for intellectual disability, that, actually, still in many laws because no one bothered updating, right? aware of what severe profound ID look like? and aware they real and they still human deserve education deserve life deserve care, yes?

aware of early diagnosis 20 30 or even 10 years ago, not same as now, even less resources & knowledge about autism now? aware that while gender race class 1000% impacted diagnoses, a lot of early diagnosed people early diagnosed because… they die without support unlocked by diagnosis, right? but also, aware that in old times, early diagnosis often did mean doom, not because autism bad or anything, but because severe lack of support & diagnosis can literally bar you from so many things including basic education?

aware that for many people in special education, which impact specific group of autistic people, they not get degree when graduate high school, they just get certificate, which limit their educational & employment opportunities & others?

aware of life saving importance and necessity of masking for autistic of color especially Black autistic people, despite stress inducing traumatic? aware that live in broken system be victim of hate crime & police brutality just as traumatic often even more traumatic than masking? aware that many Black & other parents of color forced to teach their child masking because of this?

are you aware of most marginalized autistic people? aware of leadership of most impacted?

aware you can and need to care about autistic experiences & form of autism you not experience? aware that you can and need to do that without try twist your experience into our experience into our words our community?

aware that advocacy goes beyond about you?

aware that you can’t speak for all autistic? aware that you shouldn’t speak for all autistic?

are you aware of when you need to stop talking & listen & amplify others? aware of when and how to decenter self?

aware that even this long post, barely scratch surface? still so much to say?

[better worded version of original post]

#loaf screm #actually autistic #autism acceptence month #autism awareness #autism awareness month #high support needs #long post #nonverbal #nonspeaking #autism #autistic #autism acceptance

[divinerapturesys]

Welcome to my Ted Talk about AsPD, or Antisocial Personality Disorder, which the internet likes to coin as sociopath 👌🏻 if you don’t like long infodumps about stigmatized mental disorders from someone who is diagnosed, move on.

Quick toxic rundown: People with AsPD are generally characterized as emotionless, violent, manipulative abusers who kill animals and like to make other people their bitches. The biggest pet peeve we have is the emotionless, sadistic and abusive generalization.

Personally, we are highly neurotic, with highs and lows of: depression, frantic drive, self abuse tactics, chronic fear, lapses of rejection, overwhelming over-analyzation, grey area thinking, false goods and false bads, ultimatums, obsessive compulsive behavior, harsh self demands, and irritability.

AsPD is a disorder that is caused primarily (according to current research) by trauma and abuse in childhood; most notably being emotional neglect and absent caregivers that cause a child to have emotional shutdowns and repression episodes in an attempt to self soothe. Primary caregivers who do not bond with their children are also a factor. Children learn how to behave from those around them. If a primary caregiver is emotionally distant and unavailable, children will learn that is normal behavior and that’s how people are. If a primary caregiver does not provide empathy and sympathy during moments of distress and fear, children will learn that aloofness and disregard of others feelings is normal behavior. If a primary caregiver does not keep a child safe, children will learn that they should not prioritize their own safety or the safety of others. You can find my follow up post regarding this here.

Neglected and abused children often act out trying to get attention and help, often acting out in bad ways because they lack the ability to articulate what they’re feeling and what is happening to them. The pipeline for AsPD typically is: Oppositional Defiance Disorder as a child, Conduct Disorder as a teen, AsPD as an adult. There are a lot of warning signs cueing that AsPD is becoming a risk for development, but often kids do not have a support system to help negate it as it’s their support system that is usually a factor in its creation.

Being AsPD is like being an emotional La Croix 70% of the time. If you’re depressed, then it’s like someone in the other room has depression and is telling you about it. The other 30% of the time, if you’re depressed, your brain doesn’t understand how to handle it so it’s an ultimatum between doing something drastic to remove the Trigger or ignoring and dissociating for days on end.

People with AsPD are very good at ignoring things. Honestly it’s problematic as fuck but it’s not hard to ignore major issues when you just, don’t care. It’s not in the terms of being cruel or making ourselves not care, but the fact that finding the emotional willpower is so far out of our feasible reach we don’t do it. This causes us to piss people off because we don’t have the capacity to care as much as they want us to, even if we can and do to an extent.

Think of it this way: empathy/sympathy is a deep tub of water that everyone has. They can easily fill their measuring cup for the needed amount of empathy without any issues and it’s easy for them. People with AsPD don’t have a tub of water. We have shallow skillet. When we try to dip our cup to fill it, we can’t, it always comes up short and it is difficult to get any water in it as there is no room for the cup to dive. Our ability to care is limited because we do not have the same emotional resources everyone else does.

❌ False Positives & False Negatives ❌

I operate on what I’ve learned are called false positives and false negatives. These are things that are trained into the brain from an early age based off of childhood trauma and other factors. False positives are a distorted version of why we do something to help ourself and for our own good, meanwhile a false negative is something we do because it’s a threat, or based out of fear.

❌ Some of my false positives:

- It is good to be afraid of nothing

- It is good to adapt to someone’s personality if they are stronger than you

- It is good to isolate yourself

- It is good to be a silver tongue because you can get into any place you want

- It is good to become a social chameleon and shape yourself to whatever those around you need/want most, because then you have no chance of being abandoned

❌ Some of my false negatives, which can explain the false positives as well as core beliefs:

- it is bad to be afraid, if I am afraid then I am vulnerable and it can be used against me

- It is bad to be emotional or show concern for others emotions because they do not care for mine

- It is bad to be able to be exploited, because I believe it is everywhere

- It is bad to allow myself to be bored, because boredom begets bad thoughts and no one can or wants to help me when I spiral

- It is bad to not shape yourself to the social circle, because people quickly grow tired of those who do not match them perfectly and being discarded means I failed

My core beliefs can be viewed as the root for the false positives and negatives, because they are based on the core of trauma, abuse and neglect. They come from patterns and instances that make someone with AsPD become the opposite of what they experienced:

- eat or be eaten

- If I don’t show that my bite is worse than my bark, I will be taken advantage of and I must remain on top because the ones on top are safe

- I must look out for myself because nobody will do it for me

- It doesn’t matter what happens to me, therefore it doesn’t matter what people think of me

- If I cannot do something well, then I should not do it at all

- If you are dependent on others for emotional and mental well being, you are weak, therefore I must isolate myself to avoid becoming codependent and a burden and useless

- If I can handle the stress of a situation better than everyone else, therefore I will keep the problem (financial, emotional, mental, etc) to myself to reduce chances of being abandoned due to failure of perfection

People with AsPD are hard to get along with. We often:

- are always anticipating a fight

- lack respect for authority

- ignore social structures to an extent

- tendency to lie if it’ll lessen punishment or if we feel the lie is more acceptable than our actions

- limit social support because it’s wrong to be dependent on others

- have an inflated view of our own importance — which turns into a self ridicule for believing someome like me could be found important to others —

- can be rude and inconsiderate of others feelings somewhat unintentionally

- are unable to read the correct social cues in relation to empathy towards people and animals

- am constantly confused by others dependence upon empathy and inability to make desicions from logic based standpoints

We can’t speak for everyone who has AsPD, nor are we saying that no one with AsPD is capable of being a murderer/abuser etc. but we are saying that y’all need to stop automatically classifying someone as a certain “type” as soon as you know about their disorder.

One last thing I do want to point out is that it is not uncommon for people with AsPD to derive some sort of enjoyment in causing harm, doing something illegal, hurting someone or animals, etc. This entirely stems from lack of environmental control as a child. Being able to control what happens to others or being able to control the things you say or do that hurts someone else is a hefty high to get addicted to; it soothes the underlying itch of not being able to control your own trauma and abuse, so in turn you push these behaviors onto others and enjoy it because it gives you a sense of power and control. Some people with AsPD do genuinely love hurting others, and some enjoy hurting others when they believe it’s deserved or their ire has been stoked. Some enjoy causing pain to those they think deserve it, and others don’t care who they hurt as long as they feel like they’re in control of the situation.

Hope this have some insight into AsPD 🤙🏻 if y’all have any questions, shoot.

#antisocial personality disorder #aspd traits #aspd #aspd awareness #aspd thoughts #aspd things #actually aspd #antisocial pd #personality disorder #cluster b #glitcher system #did #actually did #did stuff #did system #trauma #childhood neglect #mentalheathawareness #mental illness #destigmatization #sociopath

[writerbri-archive]

parting writing advice before this blog becomes inactive from someone who takes pictures of broken bones for a living and who has worked in an ER

a fracture of the bone is the exact same thing as a break, it’s just a more medical term the same way that sutures are the exact same thing as stitches and edema is the same thing as swelling, so an open fracture that breaks through the skin is the same thing as a closed hairline fracture you can barely see on an X-ray is the same thing as a stress fracture that is only really detectable with a physical exam, they’re only classified in more specific ways and they are treated based on severity

most superficial wounds aren’t going to be stitched up after 12-24 hours because they’ve been open long enough that closing them at that point would be asking for infection

an X-ray is a little bit of radiation, a CT is quite a bit more radiation, and an MRI is a magnet with no radiation whatsoever

no matter what grey’s anatomy or any other medical show might make you believe, doctors rarely do any actual imaging (taking X-rays, CTs, etc) and most of them would have no idea how

Concussions are not diagnosed with imaging. There is not a single X-ray or CT or anything else that can tell a doctor that their patient has a concussion. A concussion is diagnosed with an exam. Patients will usually have a headache and they will be dizzy, nauseous, light/sound sensitive, and sometimes they will have memory or vision problems. They will occasionally have something called nystagmus in their eyes. CTs are taken to rule out more serious conditions such as a fractured skull or bleeding/clotting in the brain.

O2 saturation is a vital that tells you how much oxygen is in your blood. Anything above 95% is okay. Anything from 90-94% is going to make a medical professional take a second look. Anything from 80-90% is low grade hypoxia and you’re getting a chest X-ray and possibly put on oxygen. You might be going to the hospital. Anything below 80% is most likely a hospital admission whether you like it or not because you’re about to get a whole shit ton of labs and a CT of your lungs at the very least if the X-ray hasn’t show a punctured lung or pneumonia to explain what’s up. I hope you find nasal cannulas comfortable. Doctors would be concerned about a blood clot, lung cancer, and other super concerning pathologies.

Kidney stones hurt like a bitch and can cripple most people to the point where they cannot walk. Imagine a foot long straw trying to pass a rock that is 2-3x it’s diameter.

Children regrow bones like lizards grow their tails. Kids can be healed from a fracture in 2-4 weeks that would take an adult 6-8 weeks to heal.

The femur is an incredible difficult bone to break. It’s usually a very high impact injury (car wreck, long distance fall, skiing accident, etc).

This is just advice but do not do not DO NOT ride in the passenger seat of a car with your legs propped up on the dash if you value keeping your leg bones intact where they are supposed to be. Just don’t do it, please. But if you want to write a particularly gruesome car wreck, that’s a good way to do it!

Animal bites are almost always preemptively treated with antibiotics.

I might add more if I can think of it but I’ll answer any questions if people have them

#writing #medical accuracies #writing advice #writing help #medical field #writing reference

[whetstonefires]

Very fun thing actually about Jin Guangyao is he spent so much time and energy passing himself off as normal. The Normalest Guy, Look How Normal I Am. The Very Best And Most Skilled At Normal Things, Like Being Normal And Having Normal Opinions.

Which is great because on the one hand it reflects how he was kind of aware he absolutely was not. (And that by default this isolated him and this was Very Unsafe.) But on the other you see, with all the times he falls into the typical mind fallacy under stress and projects weird shit onto people, he also on some level believed everyone was doing this.

That being a Normal Person who had Normal Reactions to things, like being appalled by brutal violence, was an elaborate social lie everyone had to maintain to keep up the facade of civil society, and actually everyone was basically the same as him deep down. He was just better at it, and also the smartest.

Which is a very long way to say his character arc is heavily tied up with his evolving relationship with and skills at masking. I'm not gonna armchair diagnose him because that's beside the point, the point is that he is trying so fucking hard to be normal, but without a particularly well-developed definition of what's abnormal about him to begin with, resulting in some misfires.

And then you contrast him to some other characters and it gets more fun. One of his direct foils is Nie Mingjue, who literally does not know how to mask at all, not the slightest bit, but is fortunate enough to have been born the exact kind of weirdo his position in life demands, with special interests in 'saber training' and 'destroying evil.'

(He explicitly, per narration from wwx being inside his head, has no other interests and doesn't really understand the idea of having more than one activity you care about, do not tell me Nie Mingjue is walking around with a normal brain.)

So he is (jgy has a point about this, although he actually makes it about the luxury of having moral compunctions) free to totally embrace the conviction that everyone should basically be their authentic selves at all times, and just not do evil things about it.

On the other hand, and this really illuminates their relationship for me, Lan Xichen is absolutely trying to be normal. Like, he does try to excel, he wants to be best and he knows he's good, but as a person he is also trying to be as normal as circumstances allow.

He understands 'being normal about things' as a goal not in jgy's terms as an elaborate social fiction but as aspirational shaping of the self; if everyone is normal about everything then there won't be needless conflict. Living as normally as possible will optimize your mental health and your respect for others, and it's just a good baseline from which to be good.

Which is fine as far as it goes, but means harmless eccentricity (including gay) is to be tolerated and swept under the rug rather than really supported, and prejudices him to instinctively side with Jin Guangyao and anyone else who is pushing for Let's Be Normal About This, even when the people being weird are in the right.

(This is also to a non-zero degree a trauma response behavior; what Lan Xichen experienced as the largest existential threat to him growing up was something along the lines of being perceived as a selfish disruptor of norms, like his father.)

And then contrast that to Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji, who are both very concerned at least initially with how things and people and they themselves are supposed to be, and feel some responsibility for ensuring this supposed-to is reflected in reality.

But neither of them makes any particular attempt to be normal about it.

And then ofc Wei Wuxian, another jgy narrative foil, never attempts to pass himself off as normal. He will sell 'I'm better than everyone ever' and 'I'm scum of the earth' in the same breath before he will try for normal.

Except that he genuinely seems to think his most virtuous traits, his throw-himself-between-victim-and-weapon impulses, are basically normal. If not everyone (who isn't a total shithead) does it, it's because not everyone has his insane confidence they can pull it off.

Which in a good mood he would say is fair, because he is in fact awesome and really good at winning. (In a worse state of mind he would definitely hate on all the selfish cowards.)

Nie Huaisang is probably the most genuinely normal human being in the main cast, probably even more normal than Jiang Yanli, and he's very happy to play that up and present himself as actually even more normal and average than he is, in order to keep expectations down.

Up until his whole life gets fucked and this little pretense turns into the most elaborate and successful mask in the entire book.

#hoc est meum #characterization #meta #masking #mdzs #everyone makes my posts about jgy anyway so i'm just starting with him out the gate #he's such a fun characterization study ngl #jin zixuan is more normal than nhs but i can't honestly call him a main character

[aroaceleovaldez]

i hope this doesn't sound like a silly or weird thing to send you, but i'm autistic and have long thought of nico and a handful of other riordanverse characters as autistic and i love your posts about why nico in particular seems intentionally autistic-coded. but i've been thinking, if rick did intend for any of his characters to be autistic, why wouldn't he say so outside of the text at least? i can't think of a good reason why not, when he goes out of his way to be explicit about so many other characters' various marginalized identities and has confirmed things like reyna being asexual outside of the original text. so it gives me this nagging sort of doubt that maybe rick just made nico come off as so extremely autistic coded by accident, somehow. if it wasn't an accident i do kind of wish he'd say so because there's next to zero explicitly stated autistic representation in, like, any media so it'd be nice to have here even if not strictly necessary. either way though, like i said, i love your posts and i agree with you 100% about autistic nico! some others i like to think are autistic are annabeth and leo.

(Most of this is gonna be kind of a tangential ramble to your point and i apologize in advance just bear with me)

This actually touches upon something I've been meaning to do a write-up on recently, which is: depending on the coding, that is our explicit statement. In most coding, actually, that's kind of the point. (Also something something Death of the Author.)

You may have noticed a recent trend across media of characters saying things directly rather than expressing them in a natural way, and often this includes incredibly stilted dialogue of characters explaining things in very politically correct, wikipedia-esque descriptions and terminology that make absolutely no sense for the characters' personalities or mannerisms. This is born out of the idea that if something is not stated in explicit terms, no amount of evidence below an outright direct exact statement will ever count - if two characters of the same gender have an explicit kiss and wedding on-screen, it doesn't matter because they never said the word "gay," etc etc.

In PJO, prior to more recent books, we get plenty of examples of characters explaining parts of their identities without direct statements. Percy never needs to say in outright terms that he has PTSD from Gabe - and it doesn't make sense that he would! He's 12! He's never been diagnosed for that. He probably doesn't even know what PTSD is really. But we, the audience, know without a doubt he has PTSD, because it is clearly expressed to us. That is coding. Tyson is coded as having down syndrome. Nico is coded as being autistic. It doesn't make sense for Nico to turn to the camera and explain that he's autistic and what that means, because he definitely never got diagnosed for it and probably doesn't know what that means cause the diagnosis literally did not exist when he was growing up - and heck, autism terminology was still kind of getting sorted out back in 2007 when TTC was published, so it's unlikely we could have feasibly gotten any exact terminology wink-wink-nudge-nudges short of something like how Percy outright mentions other students called Tyson the r-slur in Sea of Monsters. And in fact we see that same exact style of coding with Nico later on in the series. Nico never turns to the camera and says word-for-word "I am gay, I am mlm, here's me wearing my exact pride flags" (until TOA/TSATS, which... did the exact thing i mentioned about characters speaking like theyre trying to get a good grade in therapy, or giving a powerpoint presentation). But it is never unclear that HoO is telling us outright that Nico is gay. It's not just hinted at. It's there, in your face. But entirely because no one ever outright says "gay" specifically it's technically still only coding. We know he's gay, we know the characters have trauma/ptsd, etc etc. We don't need it spelled out - that's just kind of condescending. It's like if you said describing a character with "eyes like moss" means they were "green-eye coded."

Nico being autistic-coded isn't hidden. It's not a secret. It's very overt. If you know what autism looks like, well, yeah, there he is. Even if you only know very vague 2007 media presentation of autism, Nico in TTC is easily recognizable enough as autistic because that's the point. Tyson is easily recognizable as being coded as having down syndrome and it's very clearly very intentional! It's just never spoon-fed in exact terms to the reader because it's not necessary! You've already been told the information necessary to tell you what is up with this character, so just plainly going "oh they're [x] in exact terms" is very much telling-not-showing and feels redundant. And while there are places for that kind of thing, most of the time it's very unnecessary. Sometimes coding is subtle, sometimes it's obvious, and yeah there are times where writers code characters unintentionally, but the textual evidence is there, and that's the whole point.

And that's what Death of the Author is about - it doesn't matter what the author intended at the end of the day, because if it's in the text it's in the text. You can look at author intent to try and figure out what that text means, but the text is the text. A Separate Peace is a very classic example - author John Knowles denies there being homosexual subtext, and meanwhile one of the protagonists living in 1942 puts on a pink shirt while saying he doesn't mind of people think of him as gay. What the author says after the fact doesn't matter - if it's there, it's there. So Rick saying anything outside of the books is completely irrelevant. And Rick talks about this a lot - he actively tells people that his statements outside of the books are just his own thoughts, but what's in the books is what's in the books, and if the text supports it then that's all the evidence you need.

Nico specifically is a case where yeah, he's clearly autistic-coded. It's very obvious and very obviously intentional when he's younger, and as the books progress it remains a background trait of his but is still notable (except for when it gets forgotten in TOA/TSATS like everything else, including the adhd/dyslexia, but i digress). It's a clear pattern within the first few books that Rick is intentionally including. It doesn't make sense, especially for the year the book was published, for the reader to be directly told in explicit terminology that Nico is autistic, because the reader is already being told that Nico is autistic.

And yeah, Rick doesn't mention Nico being autistic-coded outside of the text, but he also doesn't mention Tyson being coded as having down syndrome. He also said one time that Percy doesn't have PTSD at all, which is very incorrect starting from book 1. Again, Death of the Author. Whatever Rick says outside of the books does not matter, because he already said it in the books. And there's plenty of other stuff in the books that Rick doesn't touch upon, particularly relating to character identity - did you know Leo is Native? Sammy mentions that the Valdez family is Native in Son of Neptune but we don't get any specifics and then it's like never brought up again anywhere. That happens all the time in the series - and outside of the series - Rick can't possibly address every single point to confirm/deny everything from the books. That's what analysis is for! And that's why my blog exists 👍

#pjo #riordanverse #nico di angelo #autistic nico #analysis #ask #Anonymous #long post // #tone indicator just to be sure cause i know i used a lot of italics: this is all non-agressive/not mad i prommy #im just very passionate about this topic (coding & fandom concepts surrounding ''canon'' + death of the author) #also controversial opinion cause i know some people have talked about wanting the use of the r-slur in SoM censored #but i think it should stay because. well. yeah no that was still very commonly used in 2006 #trust me i heard it a lot. i was there. in fact it was commonly used after that point. for awhile. #it wasnt until like a bit into the 2010s iirc that campaigns started to go ''hey maybe. dont use that word.'' #like that was RECENT #and yeah! these books are not old! TLT is only just coming up on 20 years. thats not super old for a book! #and yeah! that term was considered a-okay terminology to be used in a middle grade book in 2006! which is startling to think now! #but that's also why it's important to not erase that #because otherwise you forget that up until very recently that word was considered Perfectly Acceptable #and in SoM it's even specifically acknowledged to be used in a hurtful way! Percy is actively condemning it! #like. dont put it in the show or whatever. obviously. replace it with a different indication/coding to explain Tyson's struggles #not that i think Disney would put the r-slur in their show. but like. dont erase it from the book??? from 2006?????? #i am frightened to see how the show will handle tyson though. its not gonna go well i can feel it in my bones #anyways man i should post that excerpt from A Separate Peace though #just cause that scene has lived in my brain rent-free for years

[archonsoflove]

his love language | part 4

featuring: pantalone, baizhu x gender neutral! reader

content warning: slightly suggestive?

{gift receiving}

Having a partner with poor taste would have been a terrible blow to Pantalone’s reputation. But it seems having found himself in a relationship with you – from a humble family merchant background – has proven his prejudices wrong. While you aren’t as well versed as him in the arts and fineries of the higher living world, you learn quickly and listen, all your attention devoted to him.

And now, years later, finding a few more streaks of grey in lilac shocks nestled in black hair, you have learnt to read him like a book. Fine teas from Sumeru are brought home after visiting family, soothing incense and spice fill the empty corners of the home you share together.

When the wealthiest man in Teyvat could have anything he desires at the snap of a finger, what could you possibly give him that he hasn’t procured already?

The companionship and warmth you have brought into his once isolative and dull life as a businessman has altered his perception of this world dramatically, and he would go to any lengths needed to keep you safe.

Now, waking up beside you, tangled in mulberry silk sheets, a fine robe whispers across your skin as he moves it away to kiss your bare shoulder softly. Lithe fingers trace over your shoulder, your neck and to your jaw, pausing there to admire you stir in your sleep.

Watching the sun fall onto your skin, your hair catching the light as it falls over your face transfixes him into placidity. What more could a man want, when the thing he needed most woke up next to him each morning? He knew he would never find the answer, and quite frankly, he didn’t want to.

•

{words of affirmation}

“You work far too hard.”

This is what you keep telling Baizhu at the end of yet another long week. Haggard, at his wits end and scolded at by Changsheng as he places her down on the comforter next to you on the bed.

“I’ll be in the bathroom,” is all he says over his shoulder, his voice a shell of what it was, energetic and passionate on Mondays and all but lost by Fridays.

You follow him into the adjoining bathroom, smiling softly when you see his shoulders sag in relief. You’d drawn hot water and infused it with lavender and silk flower essence beforehand, as you usually did.

“Thank you, my love.”

Every week, you two seem to follow the same routine. You undress, both shedding the weight of the day from your shoulders, the hazy atmosphere in the room slowly but surely seeping into your weary bones. The clawfoot tub isn’t small by any means, but you find it slightly cramped with him between your legs, his back to you.

Gentle hands sweep up his hair into a messy bun once you’re both in, and with silk flower oil cupped in your palms, you gently knead into the sore muscles of his back and up into his neck. He hunches forward, eyes closed, a small sigh of relief escaping past his lips.

“It seems young Hongdou has behaved rather well this week,” you started, voice soft, accompanied by the soft splash of water as Baizhu righted himself.

“As much as she could, considering her endless complaints of bitter medicine,” Baizhu started, a small lilt of frustration in his tone. “But treatment has been curbing her illness quite dramatically as of late.”

“And I hear someone got her to take her medicine on the first try,” a small grin as you gently poked at his shoulder. “You did so well with her this week. In no time, all the other children will stop being so wary of Bubu Pharmacy, I’m sure of it.”

Baizhu chuckled lightly at that, turning his head to the side for you to leave a quick kiss on his cheek.

“It seems enticing them with something sweet doesn’t hurt.”

After long days such as these, he was endlessly grateful to have you at his side. After so many patients, unfortunate diagnoses, and long-term treatment plans, hearing your encouragement at the smallest of victories made him feel just that little bit better. While he tended to focus on the grand scheme of things, you helped reign him back into the present.

MASTERLIST

Who should I do next? Send an ask! 🤍

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[i-write-hurt-not-comfort]

in the defence of Ruki Mukami - why Ruki's trauma has just as much influence on his actions as everyone else

i am sitting in the chemistry library at uni right now and am going to spend my time on the most useless task ever to avoid doing anything impactful. please don't take this too serious because i can't write meaningful character analyses.

so i've seen a ton of stuff around, because i know Ruki's not one of the best loved characters in the western fandom. well, of all the characters, i see nearly the most Ruki hate. and obviously everyone is entitled to their opinions, whatever. but what DOES bother me is the reason.

a lot of people say that Ruki's trauma doesn't correlate to his actions, or explain abusive behaviour in the same way that the other characters' do. and i would die for Ruki and we know this, but i've thought about it a lot and i have a Theory as for why some people seem to view his character this way. (i have also studied neuroscience at degree level and learnt about trauma and synaptic plasticity)

to summarise for those who perhaps haven't read all the games (my sources for all this is basically Ruki's MB, DF, and LE), Ruki was born as an only-child in Romania to a rich family, and his father was revealed to be a politician during the Ceaușescu period in Romania. they had a lot of servants, all of whom Ruki learnt from a young age to abuse. he admired his father very much and looked up to him, and his mother was good to him and was close to his father. it would seem like a very good, perfect family - although i'll briefly discuss later why this wasn't necessarily the case.

unfortunately, in the DL universe lore, Karlheinz and Ceaușescu were buddy-buddy politicians, and Ruki's father was eventually chased out of his position. during his downfall, Ruki's father became an alcoholic and began abusing Ruki's mother, verbally and physically. Ruki saw a lot of this as well: somebody he looked up to, admired and trusted, becoming an abusive monster in a very short period of time. i think that's part of why Ruki overlooks Karlheinz's crimes and sees him as a good father anyway.

not only that, Ruki's mother - once again somebody who nurtured and cared for him - turned out to be having an affair. and shortly after that, his father committed suicide: something Ruki actually walked out on.

that in itself is a lot more traumatic than i think people consider. a lot of the DL characters have long-term trauma, but intense sudden trauma, such as your "perfect" life falling apart due to an alcoholic, abusive father killing himself and his mother having an affair, has similar psychological impact. remember, these are people who were supposed to care and nurture him, he trusted them a lot, and they both abandoned him abruptly in very extreme ways. that's the number 1 root of Ruki's trust issues. he's been seen to cut Yui off entirely because he's scared of becoming his abusive father.

similarly, living in a "perfect" household as a spoiled only child can be inherently traumatic. i don't know about you guys, but i've met some (only some, not the majority) of very, very emotionally constipated spoiled only-children. a lot of children showered with materialistic affection are missing key emotional maturity developments. their outlook on life is very narrow and they lack the emotional components of attachment; this is part of why Ruki is quite emotionally immature.

not only that, but growing up as an abusive sociopath to "lower" members of society such as servants is a form of abusive on his parents' behalf. they did not teach him proper world awareness. some children are born as psychopaths etc, true, but the majority of "sociopaths" (diagnosed as ASPD) are that way because they were not taught remorse as a child. Ruki would've learnt to treat his servants that way because that was how his parents did (and we see his father being a dick to the servants in LE too i think), and that in itself is inherently traumatic too.

imagine then, with very little capacity for remorse or a concept of societal hierarchy, being thrown into an orphanage. Ruki is a dick to everyone, yes, but the shock of having everything you know challenged suddenly and without explanation or support is going to cause further trauma. i think people just don't like to consider the fact that a lot of "sociopaths" (again, ASPD is the correct label there) were victims too. he went from being the "master" to being "livestock" and that's going to very rapidly alter your young brain chemistry, entering a "master" mindset as a defensive mechanism. that's why he gets angry/upset/confused when it's challenged.

Ruki has a fuck ton of PTSD as well - he's the only character who i've seen literally throw up MULTIPLE TIMES when experiencing flashbacks.

but i think people generally know that, perhaps not thinking about it as deeply. my Theory as to why people don't seem to see this as being as "extreme" as the other boys' trauma goes further than that.

diabolik lovers follows this dynamic between the Sakamaki's vs Mukami's, whereby Yuma, Kou and Azusa (Yuma and Kou more strongly) have this mindset of "the Sakamaki's can't have trauma because they were rich" and obviously as readers, we're supposed to be like "um, no, the Sakamaki's can have trauma too" because they do.

with that said, Kou and Yuma do successfully get to Subaru/Laito and Shu's heads respectively with this narrative. especially Subaru and Shu who get really fixated with this "i was a spoiled, privileged kid" and because of that, naturally we, as readers, lean towards feeling sorry for the Mukami's especially.

obviously, Ruki is the odd one out when it comes to the Mukami's. he had a sheltered upbringing whereas the other brothers were fighting for their lives in poverty/on the streets, victims and witnesses of the civil war and orphan crisis. Yuma particularly pushes this "Ruki had it easy" notion too, and i've definitely noticed that a lot of people who don't particularly like Ruki tend to fall towards that.

this idea of "not enough" trauma has enough to unpack as it is and we won't do that to, but personally i think that all of Ruki's abusive actions are justified. no, they are not an excuse. none of the diaboys' behaviour is excusable, but i think Rejet did quite a good job of giving them enough fucked up backstory to make us as readers at least understand why that might be how they act.

and from what i see, it seems to be Ruki who people think is the exception to this the most, because his trauma isn't in the same vein as the rest of the Mukami's. the "rich people can't have trauma" narrative gets pushed so hard that i think people forget 1) it isn't true and 2) Ruki went through a ton of fucked shit as a kid, and i don't think any of his actions made me feel any differently than the other diaboys' awful behaviour towards Yui.

you can find Ruki boring, not interesting, or just not your type. but he very, very much has "sufficient" trauma to explain his toxic and dominating actions. thank u for coming to my TedTalk.

#diabolik lovers #ruki mukami #this is over 1.2k words btw this is insane

[seillean-sys]

Image 1 ID: a screenshot of a tumblr post, it is a bulleted list titled “DSM DID,” and the list is as follows: Two or more distinct personality states that can, and do, take control (switch); Alternation between distinct personality states is not always associated with amnesia, though it's usually and typically present at some point during the course of the disorder (ie, for childhood events), but not always (the weight of the amnesia criteria will depend on where you're being diagnosed-- Europe and the US evaluate the amnesia differently). For the most part, amnesia of some kind is required, though memories can be found and a diagnosis of DID will remain; Intrusion, or non possessive form, is common, in addition to switching; There isn't a dominant personality. End image 1 ID.

Image 2 ID: a screenshot of the same post now listing “DSM OSDD1-A,” reading: Indistinct alters; Mainly presents as intrusions; Switching is not common. There may be occasional, limited and transient episodes in which an indistinct personality state assumes executive control to engage in circumscribed behaviours (e.g., in response to extreme emotional states or during episodes of self-harm or the reenactment of traumatic memories); Amnesia is extremely common for periods of both intrusion and during the infrequent switching (functionally, it's required); Dominant personality. End image 2 ID.

Image 3 ID: A list titled “DSM OSDD1-b,” reading: Two or more distinct personality states that can, and do, take control (switch); Dissociation from emotion is the only type of amnesia experienced ("emotional amnesia", which is a dumb term and I hate it); There is no dominant personality, though it's fairly common for switching to happen infrequently; Intrusion is also common. End final image ID.

In the interest of transparency because that post is very long heres the parts I’m going to be addressing, and because I don’t want to vague anyone this is @sysmedsaresexist’s post. I am not trying to be rude and will endeavor to remain respectful throughout this post.

Otherwise specified dissociative disorder has 4 subtypes in the DSM. The only one that officially entails alters is OSDD type 1 (though there is discussion to be had about type 2 and the circumstances under which the identity disturbances happen, but that’s for another post). The DSM V does not list specific traits or symptoms as diagnostic criteria for any particular OSDD subtype, and this is because OSDD as a whole is diagnosed when someone presents with some, but not the required number, of the symptoms of other dissociative disorders. In the case of type one, the disorder that a given person is meeting some of the requirements for is dissociative identity disorder. The description of OSDD-1, verbatim, is “Chronic and recurrent syndromes of mixed dissociative symptoms: This category includes identity disturbance associated with less-than-marked discontinuities in sense of self and agency, or alterations of identity or episodes of possession in an individual who reports no dissociative amnesia” (APA 2013, 300.15). That’s it. The very next sentence discusses OSDD-2 in about the same amount of text. There are no listed attributes of any subtype of OSDD, so listing common characteristics and prefacing them with “DSM OSDD-1a/b” is not only disingenuous, it’s incorrect. Which leads into my next point.

The separation between 1a and 1b in terms of OSDD-1 is entirely community based. I am not saying that’s a bad thing; it’s important for people to find others with similar experiences and I don’t deny that pwOSDD-1 who identify themselves as 1a have far less community online than those with 1b. That being said, if I and a person with 1a each went to the same therapist, presented our symptoms, and received a diagnosis, both would read OSDD type 1 (or, more likely: other specified dissociative disorder, Chronic and recurrent syndromes of mixed dissociative symptoms). Same disorder, different presentations.

In addition to the listing of symptoms being disingenuous, the nature of the symptoms listed is as well; switching is not mentioned in the page of OSDD. Not once. Perhaps op is noting trends, which fair enough, and I would generally agree with said trends (though of course there are exceptions). However, they are not designated symptoms of OSDD type 1 because the symptoms are already previously listed under the dissociative identity disorder page. Other specified diagnoses are given for most every category in the DSM-V: Other specified feeding and eating disorder; other specified somatic symptom and related disorder; other specified ADHD, tic disorder, neurodevelopmental disorder, anxiety disorder, truly almost every categorization of disorders has an other specified and/or unspecified diagnosis.

My last sort of gripe with this post is the disdain for the phrase “emotional amnesia.” I find that that phrase is quite accurate to the experience of objectively remembering an event, but experiencing the emotions as if they happened to someone else. What phrase might you propose instead? /gq

#osdd #osdd alter #osdd system #osdd community #did osdd #did #did alter #actually did #actually dissociative #caí.txt #syscourse

[slavghoul]

There’s an interview with Martin in the new issue of Sweden Rock Magazine and he talks a bit about Ghost. I know some of you still miss the good ole Omega days and wonder what the hell happened in 2016 or whether he and TF are on speaking terms at all, so I translated the few parts where he talks about his time in the band..

--

There have been countless rumours about the reasons for your departure from Ghost, everything from mental illness to alcohol. I want to give you a chance to sort out what happened when you left.

MP: I don't know if I need the chance. Well, I have severe fucking ADHD, I was diagnosed the other year. And I've been taking anti-depressants for 16 years, I quit three months ago. So yeah, mental ups and downs have been plenty. No more alcohol problems than the average construction worker. It's invasive and so fucking unnecessary to delve too much into it, but in short: after six-seven years of intense fucking work, you get tired of each other in a way that might be unimaginable to someone who hasn't experienced that kind of relationship. It wasn’t just Tobias, it was everyone towards each other. You sit on a tour bus and you don't feel like it's a holiday or a fun thing, but such is life. I see it as a marriage. Ask anybody, let a mate move into your living room and live together in the same room for two years. A lot happens to your personalities and even though we were anonymous, you got a boost of some feigned self-esteem that some of us never had. It was turbulent, but also really fun and beautiful to do those things with that gang. There was nothing dramatic happening, no one doing more drugs than anyone else. Me and Tobbe both thought and think good things about each other. I can say the same about Simon or keyboardist Mauro Rubino or drummer Aksel Holmgren or bassist Rikard Ottoson or guitarist Henrik Palm or whoever. But people don’t need to know everything. It's as bizarre as me talking about my ex to the newspaper. Maybe if I lived in Hollywood, but now I live in Linköping, haha.

Do you have contact with Tobias today? Will you ever reconcile?

MP: Strictly business. I definitely think so. Sometimes you just have to have some time apart. I see no reason why we shouldn't, I see it that way with all the guys involved. It's a bit like having broken up with a girlfriend. It can be hard to see her with a new guy and you have to look after yourself. I've never felt the need to pour this out to people, I think it just does more damage. I understand that people want to know, but it's funny. People buy that it's anonymous for however long and then they want to know the most intimate stuff.

You have an Omega tattoo, your symbol in Ghost. Is it a painful reminder or do you mostly look back on that time as something positive?

MP: I have it on my shoulder, it sits where it sits. The Omega thing has nothing to do with Ghost for me. We had five symbols to distinguish the costumes and I had one stuck to one of my guitars. As we didn't have names, people started calling me that. When I think back on my time with the band, it's many years of great stuff. Being on tour isn't a great thing if you're unwell or homesick, but overall it was fantastic. We had so much fun, it was great and new for everyone and we learned stuff every day. We took it seriously, were smart and strategic and didn't party the whole thing up. If we had been 20 years old, it wouldn't have worked. For me, it's a great, important period.

How different would Ghost's first three albums have been without you?

MP: I'm not going to trample on myself, but I'm not going to put myself on some fantasy pedestal either. The band, the idea and the concept was started by Tobias and bassist Gustaf Lindström. That's it. Five guys don't wake up the same day and have the same idea. He's the main visionary, no question about it. He started Ghost and has written Opus Eponymous more or less alone. But for the next album, we had formed a band around it. It was still his band, everybody understood that he's the boss, but the musicians became more or less contributors. I came up with song ideas, ideas of what we should look like, album covers, concepts. And Tobbe was damn clever. He understood that if something was good, it didn't matter who did the shit. But there was no one with the mandate to take his place. lnfestissumam would have been a little different, but not that different. Some people say that when the old members left, the band died. That's not true. I think the musicians have played a big role live, but in the song-writing I don't think so. It's really hard to say what impact someone has had, but if you've been there, you've been there. On Impera, Hux Nettermalm plays drums and I hear it's not Ludvig Kennberg who plays on Opus Eponymus, Meliora and Prequelle. Aksel has his style and Martin Hjertstedt who played drums live also has a great style. Other than that, there are not so big differences.

The first time I heard that Magna Carta Cartel and Ghost shared members, I thought that the bands had the same singer.

MP: I've heard that plenty of times. In MCC it has been me or Simon singing. Neither Tobbe nor I, especially I, are trained singers. I won't compare us too much, because he's probably done over a thousand live shows by now. But we're from the same town, have the same accent... I can't sing any other way, I can't really sing at all. My voice here is just another instrument. If I'd done it again from the beginning, we'd probably have a different singer. I know people want to imagine it’s Tobias singing in MCC. They can stand in the room when we play and think it's him. People have been talking about the lyrics of "Sway" being about Ghost, but it was written in 2004 and is about a girl I had a crush on. But it doesn't matter how many times you present the facts, people still think things - and it's both amazing and terrifying.

#martin persner #omega ghoul #the band ghost #interview #magna carta cartel #mcc

[five-thousand-loaves-of-bread]

what is (chronic) autistic catatonia?

// why specify “autistic” catatonia? //

catatonia most common associate with schizophrenia, but increase realize also happen in things like bipolar & depression.

if look at some of typical catatonia diagnostic criteria in DSM 5 (but in easier words): catalepsy & waxy flexibility, grimacing (hold same stiff facial movement), mutism, echolalia, echopraxia (copy movement), exaggerated mannerisms, stereotypies/repetitive movements, etc… wait! some of these things happen in autism!!! (like 7 out of total 12 can be seen in autism)

this is why important to know how recognize catatonia in autism. because overlap.

catatonia in schizophrenia most common start fast and get worse fast. but chronic autistic catatonia typically slow onset and slow but visible deterioration. (always have exceptions though)

not know a lot about schizophrenia catatonia, so this post largely focus on autism. everything below, when say “catatonia” or “autistic catatonia,” mean chronic autistic catatonia with deterioration.

// before move on— //

sometimes professionals do connect autistic shutdown with/as catatonia or catatonia episode or catatonia-like episode to draw connection. this not talk about that. this about chronic ones with deterioration. personally for community identity purpose i don’t enjoy (already have term for shutdown). but personal opinion aside, again this about the temporary vs long term all the time. if experience temporary shutdown, remember to leave space for and not same as those of us deal with chronic autistic catatonia.

important to distinguish from autism because autism and catatonia share many symptoms. (for example, physical stimming or “stereotypies” is autism diagnostic criteria AND catatonia criteria). autistic catatonia should only be suspected IF have new symptoms OR change in type & pattern of old symptoms. cannot. stress. this. enough. again. it not about IF you have these symptoms it’s about WHEN and HOW and CHANGE. it's about NEW.

and. please do not diagnose self based on one tumblr post. yes even if i do extensive research and cite sources and have lived experience. many many many disorders look similar. am all here for educated self diagnosis because medical system inequitable BUT am also sick of every time write this a bunch people comment “oh never heard this this is so me.” one tumblr post not educated self dx. it not a cool new thing to add to carrd to hoard as much medical label as can, it miserable it makes my life hell it not a joke it not cool. not every autistic have chronic catatonia, not every shutdown means chronic catatonia, even if you autistic and see these signs, may be separate unrelated disorder altogether, like Infectious, metabolic, endocrinological, neurological, autoimmune diseases, all can see catatonia (Dhossche et al, 2006). some of you all will read this and truly think this is answer been looking for so long—great! still, please do more research.

// chronic autistic catatonia with deterioration and breakdown //

the key defining symptoms of chronic autistic catatonia is gradual lose functioning and difficulty with voluntary movements (shah, 2019, p21). “gradual lose functioning” will come with regression in independence & ADLs & quality of life. it usually gradual, chronic, and complex. but can vary in severity. some need prompts on some day & some situations, while others need prompt and even physical assistance for almost everything.

how common? have seen statistic estimate from 10% - 20% of autistic people adolescents & above experience chronic autistic catatonia.

typical onset for autistic catatonia is adolescence. some study samples is 15-19, some as early as 13. some professionals think this autistic catatonia may be a reason for many autism late regression (Ghaziuddin, 2021).

can happen regardless of gender, IQ (yes shitty), “autism severity/functioning labels” (is what most studies use, so i keep, but yes have issues, probably also mean happens regardless of autism level 1/2/3 and support needs before catatonia, but need more research to confirm since these thing don’t equal eachother).

// primary symptoms //

from book "Catatonia, Shutdown and Breakdown in Autism: A Psycho-Ecological Approach" by dr amitta shah, recommend read at least first two chapter and appendix.

1. Increased slowness

often first sign but not always

periods of inactivity or immobility between actions which appears as slowness, e.g walking, responses (verbal & body), self care, mealtime, etc

2. Movement difficulties (freezing and getting stuck)

difficult initiate/start movement

freeze or become "stuck" in middle of activity for few seconds to minutes

hesitate & "to and fro" movements

difficulty cross threshold/transitions like door way

difficulty stop action/movement once started

affect speech content, fluency, & volume

eat & drink difficult (like movement for fork & knife, chewing and swallowing, etc)

spend long time in one place

(new) ritualistic behaviors

3. Movement abnormalities

repetitive movements like in tourette's & parkinsons

e.g. sudden jerky movement, tremors, involuntary movements, blinking, grimacing, unusual & uncomfortable postures, locked in postures, increase in repetitive movements, etc.

4. Prompt dependence

may not be able to do some or any movement/activity, unable to move from one place to another, unable to change posture, etc without external/outside prompt

5. Passivity and apparent lack of motivation

look unmotivated & unwilling to do stuff, include activities used to like, probably because can't do voluntary action or have trouble with request and make decison.

6. Posturing

classic catatonia symptom of being stuck in one posture, sometimes for hours

7. Periods of shutdown

8. Catatonic excitement

episodic & short lasting

e.g. uncontrollable & frenzied movement and vocalizations, sensory/perceptual distortions, aggressive & destructive outbursts that not like self

9. Fluctuations of difficulty

e.g. some days better can do more need less prompt! other days worse. sometimes emergency can act as almost like a prompt! but fluctuate doesn't mean difficulty voluntary

// secondary difficulties //

Social withdrawal and communication problems

Decline in self-help skills

Incontinence

‘Challenging’ behavior

Mobility and muscle wastage

Physical problems

Breakdown

// autism breakdown //

can be in addition to autistic catatonia. can look like autism is getting worse, even though autism by itself not progressive disorder!

i also call this autism late regression. separate between autistic catatonia & this not very clear, not enough research.

1. exacerbation of autism

1a. increased social withdrawl, isolation, avoidance of social situations

1b. increased communication difficulties

1c. increased repetitive and ritualistic behavior

2. decrease in tolerance & resilience

easily disturbed, irratable, angry

3. increase in "challenging" behaviors

e.g. self injurious behaviors

4. decrease in concentration & focus

5. decrease in engagement & enjoyment

// treatment //

for catatonia (autistic or not), typical treatment is lorazepam and/or ECT.

specific to catatonia in autism, Dhossche et al. (2006) separate it to mild/moderate/severe and give recommend treatment according to that (do not come here and argue about severity labels, because fuck! mild depression and severe depression of course have different suggested treatments and severity important to know. Remember we talk about autistic catatonia).

note: this is one paper! not the only way! yes have problems like most psych/autism papers, just here to give example (of range of symptoms and treatment route!). NOT MEDICAL ADVICE. (not even endorsement)

mild: slight impairment in social & job things without limit efficiency as a whole (essentially still able to function for most part but difficult).

moderate: more obvious struggles in all areas, but ambulatory and don't need acute medical services for feeding or vitals

severe: typically medical emergency, acute stupor, immobility for most of day, bedridden, need other people help feed. also malignant catatonia which can be life-threatening (fever, altered consciousness, stupor, and autonomic instability as evidenced by lability of blood pressure, tachycardia, vasoconstriction, and diaphoresis, whatever any of that means)

the "shaw-wing approach": very brief summary, keep person active and do thing they enjoy, use verbal & gentle physical prompts, have structure & routine.

lorazopem challenge: take 2-4 mg of lorazopem to see changes in next 2-5 minutes. if no change, another 1 mg and reassess

lorazopem trial up to 24 mg. (note difference between challenge & trial)

bilateral ECT, last resort.

mild: "shaw-wing approach" -> 2 week lorazopem trial if no imporvement in 1 month -> if effective, do both, if not, just shaw-wing approach

moderate: depends on prefernece, either shaw-wing alone or shaw-wing and 2 week lorazopem trial -> if not effective, do 2 week lorazopem trial if havent already -> if not, bilateral ECT

severe: lorazepam challenge test -> if not effective, bilateral ECT; -> if lorazopem challange positive, 1 week lorazopem trial -> continue if successful, bilateral ECT if not.

can sound extreme, but rememeber for many severe catatonia (autistic or not), it is medical emergency. can be life-threatening. there's no/not a lot of time.

it possible to make partial recovery, as in get better but not to before catatonia. but overall, many permanently lose previous level of functioning.

references

Dhossche, D. M., Shah, A., & Wing, L. (2006). Blueprints for the assessment, treatment, and future study of Catatonia in autism spectrum disorders. International Review of Neurobiology, 267–284. https://doi.org/10.1016/s0074-7742(05)72016-x

Ghaziuddin, M. (2021). Catatonia: A common cause of late regression in autism. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 12. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyt.2021.674009

Ghaziuddin, M., Quinlan, P., & Ghaziuddin, N. (2005). Catatonia in autism: A distinct subtype? Journal of Intellectual Disability Research, 49(1), 102–105. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1365-2788.2005.00666.x

Shah, A. (2019). Catatonia, shutdown and breakdown in autism: A psycho-ecological approach. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

#autistic catatonia #actuallyautistic #actually autistic #autism #autistic #long post #catatonia #loaf screm

[20dollarlolita]

Once upon a time, in Rufflechat, someone asked a pretty common and boring question. The question was if you could wear ballet flats in lolita fashion. This is a very common question and the thread normally would have a very low comment count. However, something different happened on this one.

Someone that I have always remembered as the Ballet Flat Spammer got involved. Everyone who did not have 100% support of ballet flats, in all situations, was responded to with the same copy-and-pasted comment, accusing that commenter of ableism.

Since there are many people who are disabled in the lolita community, this was met with responses such as, "I'm disabled, need to wear specific shoes because of my disability. Ballet flats are not the right choice for me for many coordinates. There are better lolita options than ballet flats, which can still fill the physical capabilities that ballet flats offer." The Ballet Flat Spammer, however, persisted.

And I watched some people who are not disabled (not yet disabled) have a very bad take on the whole situation. However, they also did not seem to know that this was a very bad take. The take was, generally, "it's okay to wear ballet flats, if you're disabled."

Over eleven years ago, I was diagnosed with pretty severe bipolar disorder. The medications that I'm on to control that have always had an impact on my body. While I quickly came to terms with this, and eventually got okay with the idea of having a psychiatric disability, I always considered my body to be mostly healthy. Over the past two years, however, I've had to reconsider that state several times. I've had to go from "Injured, but will heal," to "inoperable, but will be able to have a normal life," to "physically disabled, maybe one day won't be, maybe." Changing this part of how I think about myself has been more difficult than any of the actual pain and loss of ability that I've experienced.

Everyone's ability level is different. I can't speak for everyone, and I can't even begin to. But being able to say this about myself has really solidified something in my head that I had been thinking for a long time.

One of those things is that, "ballet flats are okay, but only if you need them for a disability," is absolutely ableist as fuck. It may not feel that way. After all, you're including the disabled people. You're making this more inclusive, right?

Here's where the problem sits: people who are disabled do not need people who are not disabled to make rules that apply only to disabled people. What disabled people need is for people who are not disabled to listen to disabled people when they say what they need.

Fashion and comfort have always had a complicated relationship. This relationship affects everyone, regardless of ability level. This goes back as far as fashion has existed. Every single person has a time where they say, "this is less comfortable, and I will still wear it," and times when they say, "this is too uncomfortable for me to wear." Many abled people make this decision based on what comfort level they want to feel, while many disabled people have to make this decision based on what they physically, mentally, or psychiatrically are capable of. Abled people often say they won't wear something in a certain situation, where disabled people often find that they can't wear it (possibly in any situation).

The problem is when we have to start making rules about the fashion that impact other people. And, with a fashion that is as rule-driven as lolita fashion, this does have to happen sometimes. We sometimes make rules that not everyone is comfortable with, and we sometimes make rules that not everyone can reach. Lolita fashion has never been the most affordable fashion (despite my best efforts), and it's never been the most comfortable fashion.

But here's the thing: disabled people who are involved in lolita fashion are people who want to wear lolita fashion. Someone who is in the body that is disabled is much more aware of what they want and what they need than anyone else can ever be. And they know what they need, and what they're able to do.

And this means that many disabled people will find creative ways to solve their problems and accommodate their disabilities. A lot of people who are disabled will come up with ways to make lolita fashion comfortable and safe that abled people could never come up with.

If you look at people on Closet of Frills or another coordinate-posting site, you're going to find many more "I love how you incorporated your cane/walker/braces/crutches/any other visible disability aid into your coordinate," than you'll find, "sorry but your coord is ruined by showing your disability." When you let disabled people incorporate, or hide, their disability, they're going to do it much more effectively than any person without that disability will be able to.

And that means that, "I wear ballet flats with this coord, because I'm disabled and need to," and "wearing ballet flats is okay if you're disabled," both demonstrate the same physical effect on the coordinate, but are so massively different in what they're actually saying about inclusion and ability.

Also, when you listen to people who are disabled, you often find solutions to problems that you have. Someone who can't wear heels finding cool lolita-usable shoes without heels will help you if you just find heels uncomfortable. You can learn from us. You can find that people who must solve a problem can have better solutions than people who kind of would like to solve the problem.

And for what it's worth, people who need to accommodate comfort or safety in their coords are not required to tell anyone that they're disabled, or about the accommodations that they have to make for that disability. Some people share it, and some people don't. If you want to be inclusive, one thing you can do is to provide concrit (when asked) as if you're critiquing someone who isn't visibly disabled. This gets back to the concept of letting disabled people tell you how to address their disability, instead of making assumptions about what they want. You can provide concrit on an outfit, instead of just commenting on the wearer's wheelchair. If someone says that they don't want concrit on an element of the coord, don't concrit it, even if you really like it or feel like it takes away from the look. This is a thing to respect even if you can't tell if a person is disabled or not.

So, when someone says, "I did this in my coord, to accommodate my disability," listen and learn from it. In all aspects of your life, supporting someone by listening to what they say they need provides more support than assuming that someone needs something. Respect that not everyone has the energy to hold your hand and guide you through every step, so you can use research and past judgement to help you be accommodating without needing a constant feedback from that person. Just be ready to change what you're doing based on what you've been told.

That was a really long way to say that it's ableist for a not disabled person to say that ballet flats are okay in lolita for the disabled to wear, but not ableist to respect a disabled person accommodating their disability by wearing ballet flats.

#to everyone who isn't (yet) disabled reading this: #be aware that most disabled people might have a preference for one or the other #ask someone if you're not sure #and accept that if you're corrected that you can take the correction without complaining or fighting #also pretyt much anyone can become disabled at any time so maybe care more about disability rights #egl #disability in egl #20dollarlolita pep talks

[luulapants]

“I don’t use cannabis. How do I write characters that do?”

This long-criminalized psychoactive drug is having a renaissance in the US these days, now legal for recreational use in 21 states. That means there are even more ways that people use cannabis. It’s still illegal in most of the world, and I will be writing primarily about use in the US, where my experience is.

What should I call it?

Ganja. The Devil’s Lettuce. Dank. Mary Jane. There are endless epithets for this drug, and most of them will make you sound absolutely ridiculous unless used as a joke. The use of the Spanish name, marijuana, is traced to efforts to use American xenophobia to demonize it. Cannabis is the technical English term you would hear in, say, a police report. Your average Joe on the street, though, will say either “weed” or “pot.”

Who’s using cannabis?

More people than you might think! Stereotypes once painted this as the drug of racial minorities, hippies, burnouts, and teenagers. These days, anyone you could imagine with a glass of wine at the end of the day could be going home to a cannabis gummy. People use cannabis to deal with chronic health issues like pain, insomnia, or anxiety. Some partake as a rare indulgence, like a cigar on a special occasion. The vast majority of people who use cannabis do so in moderation.

Habitual users are easier to spot - people who make pot a huge part of their lifestyle. They might talk about it incessantly. They might be stoned at inappropriate times or wake ‘n’ bake (getting stoned first thing in the morning and, presumably, staying stoned all day). Cannabis is not physically addictive, but for people self-medicating other issues, it can be psychologically addictive the same way as shopping or gambling. People can become dependent on it to help them fall asleep or regulate their moods, in absence of other coping mechanisms. Just as with alcohol, someone who frequently uses cannabis alone is at higher risk of dependence than someone who uses occasionally or only in social situations.

Where do they get it?

Depending local laws, a person might have access to a medical or recreational cannabis dispensary. Recreational dispensaries can serve anyone who is above the legal age. Medical dispensaries require a prescription. These are really easy to get, and the dispensary may even have someone on site that can diagnose you (with pain or anxiety usually) and write a scrip. In addition to many forms of cannabis, they may sell glassware, vapes, or other paraphernalia.

A dispensary is like any retail location with a couple of differences: Most merchandise will be locked in cases or behind the counter, due to the regulated nature of the substances they’re selling. They may have extra security measures, like a security guard or bulletproof dividers at the counter. This is because dispensaries are cash only and usually have large amounts of cash on location, because conflicts with federal law mean banks can’t work with them.

Not having legal access to a dispensary isn’t the only reason someone might skip it, though. Dispensaries, due to overhead, liability, and very high taxes, are super expensive. If your character can’t get to a dispensary or has strapped finances, they will probably turn to a street dealer.

The local dealer or weed man is never a normal person. If you are depicting a weed man in your story, please keep this in mind. They are weird in different ways, but they’re all weird. You find them through personal connections, and a friend usually has to vouch for you before you can meet them. You might go to their place or they might come to yours. They may have a public meet-up location (park next to me in the McDonald’s parking lot after midnight). If you’re nice and the dealer likes you, they may smoke you out, meaning you smoke a bowl together from their personal stash, free of charge. One stereotype is a dealer who doesn’t have any real friends and makes it difficult to leave the drug deal because he wants to hang out. You then have to tactfully (without offending/losing your dealer) engineer an escape.

Otherwise, you might buy from friends, reimburse them for a buy they made, or throw down some cash when someone shares their weed with you.

Are there different types?

Yes! There are lots of different strains and crossbreeds of cannabis, most with lofty or whimsical names (purple unicorn kush, hazy sunrise sativa). If you go to a dispensary, a sales person will give you extensive “high profiles” of how different strains make you feel: “This one won’t make you as paranoid.” “This one is a very mellow high.”

Honestly, (and I might get assassinated for saying this) most of it is bullshit. Different strains have different chemical compositions and will act differently, but each person’s individual physiology is going to have a much larger impact, so Mr. X and Ms. Y will react more differently to strain A than the difference between how Mr. X reacts to strains A or B. And the dude at the dispensary is entirely unqualified to tell you how a strain will impact you, personally. Your expectation of its effects and how much you consume are also major factors.

One scientifically proven difference is the impact of different THC and CBD content. THC is the psychoactive component and CBD is responsible for more physical effects. The two major variants: Indicas are high in CBD, more sedative, and better at pain reduction and appetite increase. Sativas are high in THC, more stimulating, uplifting, and can help with creativity.

Whether your character knows anything about different strains will more about them than what strains they choose: whether they pay top dollar for designer weed strains or if they’re just buying whatever the local weed man has. The weed man may talk a big game about the strain they’re selling, and some of it might even be true. But usually, their stuff is not top shelf and, aside from low-budget weed aficionados, most of their customers don’t care.

Edibles

Edibles are foods with THC and/or CBD. Edibles might suggest a character who’s more health conscious, not wanting to inhale smoke, or who is more secretive about their cannabis use - edibles won’t leave a smell behind. People who only started using after it was legalized might be comfortable with eating a gummy even if they still have negative criminal connotations with smoking.

THC and CBD are fat-soluble, so edibles are usually made by infusing butter (for baked goods) or oil (for other products) with cannabis. If your character is into cooking, they might make their own weed butter, keep it in the fridge, and bake brownies or cookies with it. Usually, you can’t really taste the difference. If they’re looking for something portable or easy to hide, gummies or other candies are the way to go.

Dosage is important with edibles because it takes longer for your body to process them, so the onset of the high is significantly delayed. Whoever made the edible should tell you how many milligrams are in each item. How much you should eat depends on your body weight, tolerance, and how stoned you want to get. You can’t overdose, but you can have a really, really bad time if you get too high. The classic joke is that someone will be warned not to eat too much, have half an edible, say, “These edibles ain’t shit,” eat the rest, and then when it finally does kick in, they’re on-the-moon high.

Smoking

Let’s clear one thing up: smoking anything is bad for your lungs. That said, people do be smoking weed! Unlike edibles, smoking has near-immediate effects. The whole high doesn’t hit you at once, but someone with a low tolerance will feel something by the time they exhale that first puff. Unlike cigarettes, when a person smokes weed (takes a hit), they are supposed to inhale deeply and hold the smoke in their lungs for as long as they can before exhaling.

Before your character smokes out of anything, the first step is to grind up the weed. The part of the plant which is smoked are the buds: dense, greenish clumps which are ideally sticky to the touch. (Old, shitty weed will be dry and brownish.) These are placed in a grinder, a metal contraption which is twisted to move metal teeth inside and break the buds into small pieces. Ground-up weed will dry up faster, so it’s best not to grind until you’re ready to smoke.

Joints are made by taking a small piece of rolling paper, sprinkling a line of weed into them, then rolling it up. The edge is licked to seal it and both ends twisted closed. They’re smoked like a cigarette. If you add tobacco, it’s called a spliff. Most adults will add in a filter or roach on the mouth-end so the smoke is less harsh, and leaving it out speaks to being un-fussy. Like a burrito, you ideally want a nice, fat joint, but hubris can lead you to an overfilled, falling-apart mess. Joint rolling is a skill developed with practice, so your character’s ability to do so successfully or unsuccessfully will speak to their experience. Joints are cheap and portable, so good for tight budgets or someone on the move.

Blunts are similar to joints but made with tobacco paper - the brown paper that cigars are wrapped in. You can buy tobacco paper on its own, but more commonly, they’re made by buying cheap, sometimes flavored, cigars (like swisher sweets), cutting them open, dumping out the tobacco, and stuffing them full of weed. They’re bigger, so there’s a lot more weed in them, and they’re also wider than a joint, so each hit delivers more cannabis. Blunts are associated with urban Black culture.

Glassware includes pipes, bongs, chillums, bubblers, and other smoking vessels made of glass. These can be simple or beautifully decorative. A simple pipe might cost $10-15. A huge, artistic bong could cost upwards of a thousand. Glass is the most popular material for smoking vessels. All of these consist of a bowl where the weed is packed (”pack a bowl”) connected to an end where your mouth goes. The smoker places their mouth on the end, then holds a lighter flame over the weed in the bowl. They inhale, which draws the flame down into the bowl and causes the weed to smolder (not catch fire). The weed may continue to smolder enough for the next hit or the lighter may need to be used again. When the bowl is all burned, it’s cashed.

A pipe has a simple tube from the bowl and a small hole for the mouth, plus a carb hole on the side of the bowl, which must be covered while inhaling. The carb allows air into the bowl when not smoking, so the weed doesn’t burn too quickly between hits. The longer the stem, the less harsh the hit will be, because the smoke has time to cool off. Pipes are less harsh than joints and blunts but still pretty rough. A pipe can be made of many different materials. DIY pipes carved out of apples are a classic “no other options” stand-in. A chillum is a type of pipe that is straight, with the bowl facing outwards instead of upwards with no carb. A pipe with a very small bowl is called a one-hitter, since you can only fit one hit in it. A character might choose a pipe for portability, ease of hiding, or price.

A bubbler is a water pipe that uses water to cool and condense the smoke. The hole leading from the bowl descends into a small, enclosed compartment of water. The smoke goes into the water, then rises up a second tube to the small hole for the mouth. Like a dry pipe, it has a carb next to the bowl. They’re about two to three times the size of a dry pipe, not as portable, and more expensive. They are much less harsh than a pipe, though, and a good compromise between a pipe and a bong.

A bong is a long tube with a large water vessel at the bottom, usually like an Erlenmeyer flask with a really long neck The top has an opening which fits around the smoker’s mouth. The bowl is not connected but is shaped like a funnel with a stem that fits into a long tube that descends into the water vessel. Instead of a hit, smoking from a bong is called a rip. The smoke goes into the water, where it’s cooled and condensed, then continues to cool as it moves up the long neck to the smoker’s mouth. The bong will fill with smoke as long as there is suction between your mouth and the smoldering bowl. To end the suction, the stem is removed so clean air can replace the smoke as you inhale it. In order to not waste smoke, you should know how much you can inhale compared to the volume of the bong. Bongs can be filled with ice to cool the smoke further or have multiple chambers and twisty necks. They are much easier on the lungs than pipes or bubblers. They are also large, cumbersome, easy to break, hard to hide, and can be expensive. A character that owns a bong is a dedicated weed smoker with their own space where they don’t need to hide it, and the quality or lavishness of the bong will say a lot. Broke characters could improvise a bong by cutting a hole in a plastic bottle and inserting a tin foil funnel. That is janky as hell.

Finally, vaping cannabis took off in popularity at the same time as vaping tobacco. Cannabis oil cartridges are installed into a small vape pen, which can then be smoked somewhat discretely (less smelly than smoke, but it still smells!) with supposedly less damage to the lungs.

Effects

Different people react differently, much of which is based on their physiology and their mental state. Anxious people may become more anxious. Depressed people may become more lethargic. Affectionate people might get cuddly. Here’s some key elements:

Stoned/Faded: Reaction times slow. Memory becomes worse. Time perception is altered. You might repeat the same conversation over and over. The body feels heavy. Everything seems funny. You might become hyperfocused on something very specific or become intensely immersed in a story or TV show. Imagination and creative thinking improve. You may feel sleepy or serene.

Paranoia: Paradoxically, cannabis can create anxious paranoia, usually related to worrying that everyone can tell you’re high. The world looks very different to you, so it’s hard to imagine that you don’t look different to it. Slow reaction times mean that you might not notice someone moving until they already have, which can be startling and make you jump.

The Munchies: Cannabis is useful for people with appetite or nausea issues because it does cause cravings and the urge to eat. It doesn’t cause hunger, just intense craving. The intense focus of being stoned lets you focus on flavors more, which means food usually tastes better.

Baked: This term is synonymous with ‘stoned’ but it also implies some unpleasant side effects, like dry or bloodshot eyes, smoke-rough throats and voices, and an oppressive laziness that makes it hard to do things.

Second Stoning: Happens to some people, not all. Because THC bonds with fats, if you consume fats while you’re stoned, it will become bonded with those fats as they’re stored in your body. Your body fat works on a first-in-last-out system, so if you burn fat the day after toking up, the THC will be released into your system, causing you to get high again.

Is there anything I missed? Let me know!

#cw drugs #writing reference #cannabis #writing advice #how to write

[witchessrose]

Hey, if you have multiplicity could you please spare the time? I'm a questioning system and desperately need input.

I know the internet can't diagnose me, but I'm hoping people who may know more could help steer me in the right direction, or at least affirm to me whether or not I should start the process of reaching out to doctors for a potential diagnosis. I just dont know who to talk to about this. And fear talking about it to people I know because I'm so afraid that I'm,,, faking it??

What I'm looking into right now is Partial DID or maybe even OSDD? Keep in mind I was diagnosed with autism about a month ago before I finally started really noticing/growing awareness of somethings ive been in denial of.

-For example the talking to "myself" and getting immediate responses

-Talking back and forth with "myself", sometimes accidentally speaking outloud without realizing it

-I previously believed myself to by psychic because often when I ask myself questions in my head "someone" will answer me, often with information I wasn't aware of myself. I am now questioning if I've ever actually been a medium...

- I thought this was my echolalia, and maybe it is (if ur an autistic system maybe u could tell me if u relate for reference?) But often my mind will repeat different names to me. To the point where it can be very frustrating and distracting. The two names they tell me the most, is Penelope and Jasmine.

- I have different versions of myself that help with different situations. There's also a mean one, which is one of the few versions of.. Me? In my head that I don't associate myself with. I don't see that one as me, the way I can see the other ones as me.

- I was recently diagnosed with a "cognitive dysfunction of unknown origins" which is basically my neurologists way of saying she has no idea why I have forms of amnesia. While I am always... Somewhat... Present, I rarely remember an entire week, let alone parts of the day. Down to conversations I'm in the middle of having. I also can't remember most of my childhood.

- I sometimes feel like im in a video game, and the world around me will start to feel very fake, and small, like I'm everywhere. And I'll have to very manually control my body. The other day this happened when I had to perform a function on a very mentally draining day. Go to the store. To me, I want to say, someone else helped bring me to the store, because I wasn't really there. But at the same time, I was. Its this that conflicts me, but I found out that sometimes a person can be stuck in front? And wonder if that's what I'm experiencing.

-When I get in those states I often describe it as "being in autopilot" I will complete entire tasks without being aware of any of the process or fully remembering it. I'll be there, I'll know if was done, but my body did it for me. Again, because its not complete amnesia, I wonder if this could actually just be me in autopilot.

There's a lot more but I feel like I'm dragging it, I don't want it to be too long because I'm really hoping for some actual responses.

I'm afraid that I've tricked myself. Or being inconsiderate to ddiagnosed systems with these questions in anyway? Its not like I'm determined to have it, I just want to know what's wrong(for lack of a better term) w me. I haven't told anyone about this, I just want to know if I'm imagining this all in my head, or if other systems can relate to any of this?

#partial did #did osdd #osdd #pdid system #dissociative identity disorder #actually dissociative #dissociative disorder #autistic system #actually did #questioning system #multiplicity

[that-ari-blogger]

This Is The Owl House (Through The Looking Glass Ruins)

Ruins are what civilisation fossilises into. They are a weird microcosm of time, representing past, present, and future simultaneously. They are the legacy of a world long gone, its lies and the crumbling truth beyond them. A ruin represents a story.

For those who don’t know, a looking glass is another term for a mirror, so if you combine the two into a single title, Through The Looking Glass Ruins, you will end up with a tale of introspection. Who are you? Who do you think you are? What is your legacy? And does that actually match reality?

This is an episode about self image.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD: (The Owl House)

Discussing Gus is a deceptively difficult task, because there are so many lenses to read him through, and most of them either contradict or are actively incomplete.

The fact that The Owl House’s third season is so short is the main cause of this, and I want to stress that I’m not blaming the team behind the show for that failure. Disney pulled the plug and it is remarkable what was achieved, but there is no denying that Gus got shafted.

So, this post, as usual, will stick primarily to the episode at hand, with nods to the future. Just understand that those nods to the future are more difficult than usual because there is a lot of setup in Gus’ arc for things that never came to pass.

We cool?

So, first up, mental health. Gus has what a professional will probably diagnose differently to me, but I will call self worth issues for the sake of clarity. This episode manifests this as Imposter Syndrome, which is interesting from the illusion stand point.

Speaking as someone who deals with Imposter Syndrome, I think it is important to understand that the syndrome is a lie. Not that it isn’t a real issue, but because it is your brain lying to itself and convincing you that you aren’t good enough and will not be good enough no matter how hard you try. It tells you that your pride in your own work is false, and that you should constantly be trying to emulate others, something that, because it tells you you aren’t good enough, you will never be able to do satisfyingly, which will cause you to spiral.

Once again, this is a lie your brain is telling itself.

But here’s what makes it insidious, and here’s why a tumblr post isn’t going to magically fix it. Hell, here is why I still suffer from it, despite apparently knowing that it is false.

Humans aren’t rational, the brain isn’t rational, and imposter syndrome isn’t rational. You can intellectually understand something, but emotionally be in the dark, and that’s how something like this strikes. You know that the feelings don’t make sense, but you still feel them, and it’s a nightmare.

All of this applies to Gus. He is intelligent, possibly one of the most intelligent people in the cast in terms of the streamlined, reductive view of intelligence that school cares about and pretty much nobody else. So, Gus is clever enough to understand that he is skilled and that illusions are powerful, he has even been told that multiple times over the series, but he is yet to emotionally come to grips with that aspect of his life.

That thing about streamlined, school approved intelligence is also a cog in this machine. Gus is conventionally intelligent, he can remember things, and has the type of charisma that feels at home writing a lengthy essay (the type of charisma that I would kill for). This is the type of intellect that schools praise above all else, and at least where I live, to the detriment of anything else. It is a restrictive view of the world that means people like Luz, who’s brain is much more heavily wired towards problem solving and creativity, are excluded.

In simpler terms, Gus fits the mould, so his ability set being limited to one type of magic is a magic literalism of that. But at the same time, that unique powerset isn’t particularly useful in its basest form. When the Glandis students mock illusion magic, the image that they come up with is fairly useless, but it’s a strawman, and it's a strawman that Gus has confined himself into trying to be.

The Galder Stones have a really neat place in this as amplifiers. They are reflective, something the episode goes out of its way to show multiple times, as characters stare at their own faces in their hands, literally holding their legacy in a crystallised form. But, they are also amplifiers. They make a person’s magic more powerful, and if magic is an expression of individuality, as it usually is in stories, that means the stones exacerbate a person’s identity. Essentially, they turn anyone who uses them into a caricature.

But why can’t illusionists gain power from them? I have a theory. I think that illusionists are already projecting themselves and their minds into reality with their spells. They are creating things that are both real and not real at the same time, so the way they gain power isn’t through amplifying the illusion, but through creativity in application.

Which brings me to a scene I like to call “The camera is alive, and it hates you.”

The Owl House has had fun with animation before, and I am a sucker for the moments where the show gets visually experimental. But those have just been scenes. The Gromethius flashback, for example, is fun and quirky, but it barely exists for a minute.

This, however, is fun and cathartic. It is clear that at least one of the animators on this show has roots in horror (like me), and was having an absolute blast with this entire sequence. Every visual is traumatising in more than the series’ quirky usual. This stuff is genuinely terrifying, and it's shown from Bria’s perspective.

Gus effectively takes the camera and starts calling the shots himself. This is his episode, and he is controlling what the audience sees and how they see it. Don’t push your luck with the Director of Photography, they will mess you up.

It’s also worth noting the contrast between Bria and Gus, because it makes the result of their confrontation that much sweeter. Gus is a trickster who, up until this point, has been playing by the rules. He is wacky, but he’s more lawful than chaotic. Bria is a physically skilled character, who believes in strength and power and… ok I can’t be the only one who ships her and Boscha, right? Right?

Anyway, Bria has a highly regimented worldview, if you are strong, you deserve to be on top. If you are weak, you deserve to be on the bottom. She’s also a construction mage, meaning she actually makes things, while Gus only pretends to, hence why she calls him weak.

There is, however, one flaw in that conflation of weak and illusory. Well, there are a few flaws, but one in particular. How do you fight something that isn’t actually there?

Answer: You don’t. You really don’t. Turns out that Bria’s weakness is a foe she can’t take head on. Bria is literally holding a Galderstone, something that makes her nebulously more powerful, and she gets clowned on.

Bria’s defeat involves the ceremonial disintegration of her hands, and the loss of her magic. Back to that idea of self image that this post was supposed to be about, Bria has built an identity around being powerful. But that persona crumbles when she is confronted with something powerful in a different way to her, and when she loses her own power. Her identity isn’t built on rationality, but on vibes, and illusions are really good at getting into people’s heads.

On a different note, Gavin’s identity revolves around getting his father to pay attention to him, which fits into the theme of self image pretty well, but it’s notable how each of the four Glandis are specifically designed as foils for the Hexsquad. Gav has the parental issues and the ambition, linked to Amity. Bria is the kind and nurturing one, linked to Willow. Mattholomule is the lowest on the ladder, how Gus perceives himself. And Angmar, well Angmar is my sweet blonde boy who is remarkably athletic, hyper fixated on a specific kind of animal, and is a mix between terrified reaction to any threat and immediate willingness to step in front of an out of control animal without hesitation. In my mind, he reflects a fifth member of the Hex Squad who will be introduced in about… one episode’s time.

Although, you will probably have noticed that this is an extremely reductive view of every character I have mentioned, and that is the point. I mentioned in my first post about The Owl House that the series has a thing for introducing characters twice, once as a trope, once as a character. So, each of these characters are introduced as “x character stand in”, but get their identities built up throughout the episode until Bria doesn’t resemble Willow at all. Again, this relates to the idea of self image, and how a character sees themself in contrast to how others see them.

“Keep honing your powers of observation.”

Powers of observation, huh? Not powers of imagination, observation. The guy who knows the most about illusions in the Boiling Isles specifically draws connection between the tradition and the ability to see things. This is a tradition of making things that aren’t there, right? What gives?

Each illusion that Gus conjured to scare away the Glandis students was tailor made to fit them. It didn’t take a genius to point out that Angmar likes butterflies, and Gav straight up told him about his issues with his father. But Bria? Gus worked that out on his own.

Because illusion isn’t about making stuff up, it's about realising things.

Illusion magic is about the balance of understanding the world around you, and turning people’s thoughts into something they can actually interact with.

On the topic of interactions, Lumity.

Often in stories, romantic relationships are made compelling by the characters involved and very little else, and this is a perfectly valid way to write stories. Two characters are slotted into a ship dynamic, and you get something interesting. For example, any action movie ever written, or the entirety of Big Bang Theory.

Lumity isn’t this. The romance between Luz and Amity directly causes conflict and drama in the plot, but also drives character development between the characters, and is related to the themes of the story. Those being identity, freedom, and here specifically, self image.

I’ve mentioned before that Luz’s greatest strength as a character is her ability to act as a catalyst in other people’s arcs. That’s what the light motif is all about, she shows people the way forwards.

Most obviously, Luz has been a majour foil for Amity. She challenged Amity’s ideas of ambition in I Was A Teenage Abomination; She caused Amity to reflect on herself and showed her a way of rekindling her relationship with Willow in Understanding Willow; And she forced Amity to stand up to her mother in Escaping Expulsion. Now, in Through The Looking Glass Ruins, Amity has to reflect on what has happened.

Because this is functionally the B plot of this episode, backing up Gus’ story, the actual plot of this is remarkably simple. Luz and Amity need to find a McGuffin, and they need to do it together. Basic plot, shenaniganry ensues.

But basic doesn’t mean bad. In this case, it facilitates some of the series’ coolest set design, and some brilliant interactions between the two characters.

“Malphas is actually the one who gave me my job and my own study room. He's usually nice, but if we're caught, he'd feed us to the book wyrms.” “I know here that probably means unholy, blood-sucking snake monster, but in the Human Realm, that's just a kid name for nerds” “Huh. The human world sounds odd.” “Maybe it would be less odd if I showed you around someday. But, uh, let's turn back. I don't wanna push you.” “We're getting that diary.”

First up, there is the repeated establishment of stakes. The monster threat is just an excuse for a cute moment. But the real thing that Amity cares about the most is her job and her study room. Symbolically, her ambition and her isolation respectively. But she is willing to risk both of those for Luz.

I think that the speed of Amity’s decision is also important here. She doesn’t have to weigh up the options and the risks. She is doing something for Luz and that is, by default, more important.

However, I want to point out that, at the end of the episode, Luz gets Amity’s job back. That isolation and ambition are valuable to her because they are valuable to Amity. As much as I will complain about not getting to see the trials, it is obvious what Luz has had to do to get there. But that’s weird, right? Luz probably nearly died to get back the symbol of the old Amity, why?

I think at this point, Luz is changing the metaphor. The study room no longer represents isolation, but the connection that she and Amity forged. The job, meanwhile, transitions from ambition to agency, as it's a small microcosm of Amity’s independence from her mother.

Essentially, Amity emotionally let go of her old self to be with Luz, but this doesn’t mean she has to sacrifice everything. This isn’t an exclusionary relationship, Amity can be more than just Luz’s girlfriend. She doesn’t have to define herself by one, specific thing.

That idea of self image is a big thing in Amity’s arc. Although it exists in contrast to Gus. Gus knows who he is, he just can’t work out if he likes that or not. Amity, however, has no idea who she wants to be, and what is important to her.

“Everything's changed since you came here. Being around you, it makes me do stupid things and I wish it didn't.”

Who does Amity think she is? I’m not being incredulous here. It’s a question worth asking because, at this point, I don’t think Amity herself could tell you. The impeccable acting decision to make this line into a flood highlights that conflict within her. She is having thoughts in bursts, then faltering and regretting it.

She wants to move towards Luz, but she can't risk falling off her throne, so she keeps taking big steps in every direction, overcommitting to everything, but then walking it back.

After that, Amity talks through her inner turmoil with her siblings, people who represent both her old life by being her family, and her new life through their rebellion and encouragement.

“Ever since Luz came here, things have just gotten confusing. I'm thinking things I've never thought before. I'm feeling things I never used to feel.”

“Is that so bad? You weren’t happy before.”

Hey Emira, do you… do you want my blog? Because that was the most insightful thing anyone has ever said on or about the Boiling Isles.

But she’s right. Amity is trying to choose between two aspects of herself, and trying to work out who she thinks she is. Emira simply points out that one of the options isn’t at all worth it.

But now, I finally get to talk about hair. The single most iconic visual metaphor of the series, this is the type of good storytelling that means you don’t have to over analyse to know you are looking at something done well.

The green coloration matches Odalia, to parallel Amity’s closeness to becoming the golden child that her mother is trying to shape her into. But this is dyed, it is a decision by either Amity, Odalia, or both. It’s a character beat of a person trying to appear in a specific way. It is Amity communicating to the world that she is Ambitious.

The natural brown hair is linked to Alador, and his creativity. It relates to a trait of Amity’s that I will talk about when I cover Reaching Out, because that is my favourite episode of the series. It represents a desire for connection, an ambition to not perform successfully, but live well and happily.

The purple is Amity’s choice entirely, and it is her decision to be happy. Abomination coloured, something Amity takes pride in for herself. It represents happiness with oneself, and the agency to derive joy from something that previously only inspired anguish. It is also related to Luz, who has been associated with purple throughout the series, although that is a byproduct of her own theming.

Luz is the concept of individuality incarnate. She is unique in every way, and this doesn’t cause her shame, outwardly at least. So, she is represented by the rarest colour in nature, and the most valuable. The history of purple and its association with royalty is too fascinating to condense into a tumblr post, so I will say that it intrinsically symbolises value because of its rarity.

It is a colour that says “I am who I am, I am unique, and I am valuable because of that.”

What I haven’t seen discussed as much, is how the style relates to this. Amity’s hair is usually up, keeping her refined and held together, reminiscent of her mother. Its looseness always coincides with her softer nature being made apparent. In this episode, when we first see her, her hair is down and we see someone who is happy with herself, quietly.

I do like the symbolism of a child taking her accessory, causing her hair to be let loose while at the same time forcing her to bring out her gentle side.

However, at the end of the series (spoilers until the next image), her ages up character design actually walks back a few things. Her hair is now back up, and her brown roots have come back. So what gives with that?

You don’t stop changing when one story in your life comes to a close. Amity probably keeps moving forwards during the timeskip, focusing on that connection, and styling herself in a way she sees fit. Consciously, she has found a balance.

That hair symbolism actually continues into her song. Ok it’s not her song, technically, but the The Owl House fanbase claimed it, so I get to talk about it.

Little Miss Perfect is a song written by Joriah Kwamé as part of an album called TAPES: A Song Cycle. It was then submitted to the 2019 Write Out Loud competition, where it was covered by Taylor Louderman. A competition that it won.

Strictly speaking, this isn’t a song about Amity. But the animatic by ThatDorkWhoDraws was incredible and effectively commandeered the song for the ship. I would do some analysis of this animation, but it got taken down by the creator for understandable reasons, and I don’t want to intrude into a space in which I’m not wanted.

I’m talking about the song and the song alone. Because it has entered the fanbase’s public consciousness, and because the song is really interesting for how it relates to the metaphor I am talking about.

The song is about that crisis of identity that I have been going on about. The protagonist is choosing between ambition and love. It is an exploration of that love itself, and despite there being little evidence for Amity’s realisation of her own sexuality being so chaotic, it is a compelling story that brings about some really cool metaphors. Not least of which, is the hair.

Straight hair, straight A's Straight forward, straight girl Little Miss Perfect, that's me

The hair is associated with her perceived perfection, her pride (heh) in her composure and ambition. But when she lets someone in, what happens?

She braids my hair, I sit there Blacking out for the first time

The blacking out thing is a direct callback to an earlier line, in which she lists her ability to stay awake at parties as one of her aspects of perfection. But the braiding of hair is the underrated key part of this. Her hair is no longer straight, she is no longer perfect, and that’s ok.

Final Thoughts

I really wanted to talk about the Zosan ship when I was talking about romantic subplots that drive character development, but I couldn’t make it work. That one is a fan ship, and it works brutally well for similar reasons to Lumity, actually. So, I guess I’ll have to leave that for another post.

Other than that, this episode is awesome, and is The Owl House flexing its muscles. The fact that this is a phenomenal episode of television, and it's still about average for this season is a testament to the skill of the team behind this show.

I will say something controversial though. I don’t particularly see the Matholomule x Gus ship. I think if you squint, it could be read as an asexual, homoromantic ship, but that’s only if you squint. I think these two are genuinely just good friends.

Next week, we get to talk about my precious boy, and maybe even my own crackpot reading of this character. We will see.

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#rants #literary analysis #literature analysis #what's so special about...? #character analysis #the owl house #toh #toh lumity #toh luz #amity blight #toh amity #toh amity blight #toh gus #toh gus porter #gus porter #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtq community #queer #little miss perfect #don't fuck with the director of photography #the camera is alive and it fucking hates you

[harrietpotterandthedemigods]

Spoiler alert, this will contain spoilers of the Percy Jackson tv series!

So, I’ve now watched the first two episodes of Percy Jackson and the Olympians, and wow! I don’t even know where to begin!

First of all, was that a Rick cameo I saw in the principal’s office?! 😆😆😆❗️❗️❗️❗️❗️

Second, I love how Percy describes his feelings of being different to Sally. As someone who has ADHD myself, (and autism too) I am more than familiar with that feeling of other-ness. I was also diagnosed less than two months ago, mere weeks before my twenty first birth day. Which I also think is fairly well portrayed in Percy’s description, because even though he has a diagnosis already, the things he experience STILL can’t be explained by being neurodivergent, just like someone with undiagnosed neurodivergence can’t explain why they’re different beyond just quirkiness.

Harsh of Grover to just “rat him out” but it works much better than having to do another montage to the end of term.

While it’s not really accurate, I also love how Sally handles Smelly Gabe. Like a Queen! She’s a clear sighted mortal, Gabe is a looser who’s nowhere near as scary as everything else she must protect her son from.

THEY INCLUDED THE BLUE CANDY!!!!

The bullfighting with the Minotaur. A masterpiece. In this adaptation, Percy already has Anaklusmos, but he still has to kill the monster with his bare hands because he doesn’t yet know it returns to his pocket! I’ll admit I was a bit worried about that scene.

“You drool in your sleep”

There was some backlash over Annabeth’s casting, but Leah really is the perfect Annabeth. She might not be blond or look like book Annabeth in any other way, but unlike the Peter Johnson movies, they nailed the personality.

The same basically goes for Clarisse.

Dionysus’ portrayal is different from what I expected. I’m not saying that’s good or bad yet, the jury’s still out.

I don’t know if that dryad is supposed to be Grover’s mom, but unless coming episodes disproves it, I’m going with that. I don’t think Grover has ever mentioned his mother in the books, which is a shame, like come on! We even know Coach Hedge’s mother is a cloud nymph. I wanna know everything about Grover’s mom now.

As someone who does archery, that scene in the second episode solidifies a little headcanon of mine. That Percy uses the wrong equipment. You see, archery isn’t as much about which is your dominant hand as about your dominant eye. Most people are right eyed, but some people (myself included) are left eyed, and need a left bow. If I use the wrong bow, it becomes nearly impossible for me to aim. Also, archery is a sport that depends a lot on the equipment. It’s part skill, part how good the equipment is for you. There is no way Percy could be as bad as he is always described unless there’s he is also using the wrong equipment. (I really should include that in a fic sometime!)

Overall I’m really excited for the coming episodes! There is a lot more to point and squeal at, but I’m so excited I can’t sit still long enough to write it all out!

#percy jackson #pjo tv adaptation #percy jackon and the olympians #Percy Jackson tv show #pjo tv show #pjo tv spoilers

[max1461]

Are languages from nearby regions similar just due to often being from the same language family, or does exchange between languages play a large role?

Yes, exchange almost certainly plays a bigger role in grammatical and phonological similarity than actual relatedness does. That's why language relationships are diagnosed primarily by looking for sound correspondences in core vocabulary, rather than by comparing grammar or pronunciation. Core vocabulary often retains very ancient features, while grammar and pronunciation change rapidly and are very susceptible to outside influence.

Linguistic features that have proliferated by spreading to nearby languages are called areal features. Languages in geographical proximity (or, really: languages between which there is a lot of bilingualism) often cluster into groups called sprachbünde which share many features between them. This is the primary reason for the general similarity of most European languages: English is about as closely related to French as it is to Hindi, but English and French share a lot of grammatical and phonological features because they have been in close contact for a long time. For a converse example, English is fairly closely related to Icelandic, but because they've been isolated from each other for many centuries, they look very different. As I said, you can often pierce through these areal effects by looking at core vocabulary though. A look at English vs. Icelandic kinship terms, for instance, and then comparison with corresponding French kinship terms, will quickly make it evident that English and Icelandic are closer, and a comparison of English vs. French vs. Hindi kinship terms will make it clear that all three are just about equally far apart.

#anon #linguistics