#childhood neglect

[girlyteengirl16]

it is what it is (i want to die so bad)

#trauma #mentally unstable #tw depressing stuff #childhood neglect #mental abuse #child neglect #i wanna kms #tw depressing thoughts #i want to be okay #mentally tired

[a-place-to-exist]

#meme #trauma #trauma jokes #childhood neglect #childhood trauma #emotional neglect #talk #q #did memes

[pain-is-my-game]

Parents really do traumatize you and then force you to reparent yourself instead of being a capable human being who can contribute to society like a normal person. Sorry I can't get a well paying job right now I'm trying to learn coping mechanisms.

#i will never care if you reblog #vent #tw vent #cw vent #parentification #toxic parents #emotional trauma #trauma #childhood trauma #trauma coping #childhood emotional neglect #eldest daughter syndrome #eldest daughter #parentified child #childhood neglect #thoughts to throw into the void

[divinerapturesys]

Welcome to my Ted Talk about AsPD, or Antisocial Personality Disorder, which the internet likes to coin as sociopath 👌🏻 if you don’t like long infodumps about stigmatized mental disorders from someone who is diagnosed, move on.

Quick toxic rundown: People with AsPD are generally characterized as emotionless, violent, manipulative abusers who kill animals and like to make other people their bitches. The biggest pet peeve we have is the emotionless, sadistic and abusive generalization.

Personally, we are highly neurotic, with highs and lows of: depression, frantic drive, self abuse tactics, chronic fear, lapses of rejection, overwhelming over-analyzation, grey area thinking, false goods and false bads, ultimatums, obsessive compulsive behavior, harsh self demands, and irritability.

AsPD is a disorder that is caused primarily (according to current research) by trauma and abuse in childhood; most notably being emotional neglect and absent caregivers that cause a child to have emotional shutdowns and repression episodes in an attempt to self soothe. Primary caregivers who do not bond with their children are also a factor. Children learn how to behave from those around them. If a primary caregiver is emotionally distant and unavailable, children will learn that is normal behavior and that’s how people are. If a primary caregiver does not provide empathy and sympathy during moments of distress and fear, children will learn that aloofness and disregard of others feelings is normal behavior. If a primary caregiver does not keep a child safe, children will learn that they should not prioritize their own safety or the safety of others. You can find my follow up post regarding this here.

Neglected and abused children often act out trying to get attention and help, often acting out in bad ways because they lack the ability to articulate what they’re feeling and what is happening to them. The pipeline for AsPD typically is: Oppositional Defiance Disorder as a child, Conduct Disorder as a teen, AsPD as an adult. There are a lot of warning signs cueing that AsPD is becoming a risk for development, but often kids do not have a support system to help negate it as it’s their support system that is usually a factor in its creation.

Being AsPD is like being an emotional La Croix 70% of the time. If you’re depressed, then it’s like someone in the other room has depression and is telling you about it. The other 30% of the time, if you’re depressed, your brain doesn’t understand how to handle it so it’s an ultimatum between doing something drastic to remove the Trigger or ignoring and dissociating for days on end.

People with AsPD are very good at ignoring things. Honestly it’s problematic as fuck but it’s not hard to ignore major issues when you just, don’t care. It’s not in the terms of being cruel or making ourselves not care, but the fact that finding the emotional willpower is so far out of our feasible reach we don’t do it. This causes us to piss people off because we don’t have the capacity to care as much as they want us to, even if we can and do to an extent.

Think of it this way: empathy/sympathy is a deep tub of water that everyone has. They can easily fill their measuring cup for the needed amount of empathy without any issues and it’s easy for them. People with AsPD don’t have a tub of water. We have shallow skillet. When we try to dip our cup to fill it, we can’t, it always comes up short and it is difficult to get any water in it as there is no room for the cup to dive. Our ability to care is limited because we do not have the same emotional resources everyone else does.

❌ False Positives & False Negatives ❌

I operate on what I’ve learned are called false positives and false negatives. These are things that are trained into the brain from an early age based off of childhood trauma and other factors. False positives are a distorted version of why we do something to help ourself and for our own good, meanwhile a false negative is something we do because it’s a threat, or based out of fear.

❌ Some of my false positives:

- It is good to be afraid of nothing

- It is good to adapt to someone’s personality if they are stronger than you

- It is good to isolate yourself

- It is good to be a silver tongue because you can get into any place you want

- It is good to become a social chameleon and shape yourself to whatever those around you need/want most, because then you have no chance of being abandoned

❌ Some of my false negatives, which can explain the false positives as well as core beliefs:

- it is bad to be afraid, if I am afraid then I am vulnerable and it can be used against me

- It is bad to be emotional or show concern for others emotions because they do not care for mine

- It is bad to be able to be exploited, because I believe it is everywhere

- It is bad to allow myself to be bored, because boredom begets bad thoughts and no one can or wants to help me when I spiral

- It is bad to not shape yourself to the social circle, because people quickly grow tired of those who do not match them perfectly and being discarded means I failed

My core beliefs can be viewed as the root for the false positives and negatives, because they are based on the core of trauma, abuse and neglect. They come from patterns and instances that make someone with AsPD become the opposite of what they experienced:

- eat or be eaten

- If I don’t show that my bite is worse than my bark, I will be taken advantage of and I must remain on top because the ones on top are safe

- I must look out for myself because nobody will do it for me

- It doesn’t matter what happens to me, therefore it doesn’t matter what people think of me

- If I cannot do something well, then I should not do it at all

- If you are dependent on others for emotional and mental well being, you are weak, therefore I must isolate myself to avoid becoming codependent and a burden and useless

- If I can handle the stress of a situation better than everyone else, therefore I will keep the problem (financial, emotional, mental, etc) to myself to reduce chances of being abandoned due to failure of perfection

People with AsPD are hard to get along with. We often:

- are always anticipating a fight

- lack respect for authority

- ignore social structures to an extent

- tendency to lie if it’ll lessen punishment or if we feel the lie is more acceptable than our actions

- limit social support because it’s wrong to be dependent on others

- have an inflated view of our own importance — which turns into a self ridicule for believing someome like me could be found important to others —

- can be rude and inconsiderate of others feelings somewhat unintentionally

- are unable to read the correct social cues in relation to empathy towards people and animals

- am constantly confused by others dependence upon empathy and inability to make desicions from logic based standpoints

We can’t speak for everyone who has AsPD, nor are we saying that no one with AsPD is capable of being a murderer/abuser etc. but we are saying that y’all need to stop automatically classifying someone as a certain “type” as soon as you know about their disorder.

One last thing I do want to point out is that it is not uncommon for people with AsPD to derive some sort of enjoyment in causing harm, doing something illegal, hurting someone or animals, etc. This entirely stems from lack of environmental control as a child. Being able to control what happens to others or being able to control the things you say or do that hurts someone else is a hefty high to get addicted to; it soothes the underlying itch of not being able to control your own trauma and abuse, so in turn you push these behaviors onto others and enjoy it because it gives you a sense of power and control. Some people with AsPD do genuinely love hurting others, and some enjoy hurting others when they believe it’s deserved or their ire has been stoked. Some enjoy causing pain to those they think deserve it, and others don’t care who they hurt as long as they feel like they’re in control of the situation.

Hope this have some insight into AsPD 🤙🏻 if y’all have any questions, shoot.

#antisocial personality disorder #aspd traits #aspd #aspd awareness #aspd thoughts #aspd things #actually aspd #antisocial pd #personality disorder #cluster b #glitcher system #did #actually did #did stuff #did system #trauma #childhood neglect #mentalheathawareness #mental illness #destigmatization #sociopath

[nmolesofadrenaline]

#childhood #childhood ptsd #childhood neglect #abuse survivor #emotional abuse #toxic family #dysfunctional family #toxic parents #toxic mom #on father #on fathers #fathers

[mossy-petrichor]

Offering a big hug to the emotionally neglected people who have no idea how to cope

The ones that can't grasp the concept of coping. The ones that don't even know how to start identifying their emotions. The ones that don't understand coping mechanisms. The ones who only have maladaptive coping mechanisms. The ones who only know how to repress. The ones that feel ashamed for not knowing how to cope. The ones that feel angry for not having anyone teach them. The ones that feel hopeless about healing. The ones that feel like it's impossible for them to cope

I'm sorry you have to build up from scratch something that other people should've taught you. I see how hard you're trying, I see how exhausting and difficult it is. I wish I could give you so many affirmations, but I'm in the same place you are. Ily

#emotional neglect #childhood neglect #coping #mental health #emotional abuse #childhood trauma #childhood abuse

[epileptifox]

#im going insane does anyone want anything?? #childhood trauma #neglect #childhood neglect #ptsd #actually ptsd #actually autism #actually traumatized #emotional neglect #abandonment trauma #abandonment issues

[twoheadedfather]

anytime i think about my parents comforting me it actually makes me physically ill

#it makes me EVEN MORE upset #i'm getting upset rn just thinking about it #what is wrong with me #toxic parents #child neglect #childhood neglect #emotional neglect #child abuse #childhood abuse #emotional abuse #childhood trauma #trauma #“what is wrong with me” probably one of these things

[psychotically-empty]

i get so fucking numb and empty feeling when people talk aabout their childhood or stories they had as kids. even the really sad shit. i cant remember almost anything from before i was 12.

i have nothing.

i was nothing.

i am nothing.

#bpd vent #vent #bpd #actually bpd #borderline personality disorder #bpd favorite person #bpd fp #actually borderline #tw depressing thoughts #tw self destruction #tw sui ideation #tw selfhate #depressing shit #trauma #child trauma #abandoment issues #child neglect #childhood neglect

[girlyteengirl16]

they said it’d get better, it’s been years and it’s still the same

#mentally unstable #trauma #tw depressing stuff #mental abuse #i wanna kms #i want to be okay #tw depressing thoughts #childhood neglect #mentally tired #child neglect

[something-existing-somewhere]

I wake up with less than 0 energy, I feel like I'm literally dying every day but still I have to live to survive. The trauma I've been repressing for years is finally catching up to me physically.

#chronic pain #fibromyalgia #actually mentally ill #chronic illness #aroace agender #spoonie #chronic fatigue #disability #actually disabled #chronic disability #actually cptsd #complex ptsd #actually neglected #childhood neglect #actually traumatized #tw abuse #tw death

[music-and-trauma]

#trauma #actuallytraumatized #traumacore #music posts #vent blog #vent #ventcore #childhood trauma #parental #neglect #childhood neglect #trauma vent #source

[pain-is-my-game]

One of the worst realizations that I have ever made is realizing that all I ever wanted was to be loved by my parents. I never would've turned out like this if they just loved me unconditionally.

#i will never care if you reblog #vent #tw vent #cw vent #eldest daughter syndrome #eldest daughter #parentified child #parentification #toxic mom #cw toxic relationship #toxic parents #toxic mothers #toxic mother #toxic family #toxic father #toxic relationship #childhood neglect #childhood trauma #childhood emotional neglect #emotional trauma #trauma coping #trauma #wanting to be loved #i wanna be loved #sad thoughts #eldest sibling syndrome #eldest sibling #eldest sister #toxic thoughts #thoughts to throw into the void

[ineffectualdemon]

I'm going to get personal while talking about Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian

A lot of you don't understand what it's like to be a neglected child

I'm not saying Wei Wuxian was in an enviable position in the family as both the Golden Child (to Jiang Fengmian) and the Scapegoat/Troublemaker (Madam Yu)

To receive all the attention BOTH good and bad is not a pleasant position to be in (especially as it feels that while Jiang Fengmian favoured Wei Wuxian he didn't really see him, he saw his parents)

But to be the neglected child is awful

To know that your parents wouldn't notice if you weren't around hurts. To never receive attention and care and certainly not positive attention or care ever gives you severe insecurity and a feeling that you will never be enough and all your accomplishments are worthless because it doesn't matter how good you are or how diligent or how hard you work.

You don't matter

Your accomplishments don't matter

Your feelings don't matter

And yes you are resentful and angry but no one allows you that anger

They laugh it off or act like it's out of no where

No one sees your anger as justified. How could it be? You're not in the firing line! You're not getting the worst of it

And no you don't want to be seen in the bad ways and hurt in the same way but you fucking want to be seen

By anyone!

Just to have your hurt and your sadness and your loneliness and your successes and triumphs seen and heard and validated

That's all you want

And you want to protect your sibling from being the constant victim and try to play peacemaker but that doesn't work when you're invisible and you also hate that you will never be as good as them at anything and how there is nothing that is just yours. Your accomplishment that they haven't already done better

But they are also the only one who sees you at all

The only one who gives you comfort when you cry or backs you up when you do something well

But they don't keep promises anymore than anyone else

And there are reasons. They have their own hurt. Their own issues. They are also a child trying to grow up in a hostile world

But they still hurt you and leave you and don't see you enough

And there is resentment from them to you because you don't get targeted and you don't have to live up to anything and carry a weight that no one person should carry

Now I had enough issues with my own sibling (and they had enough issues with me. The causing each other pain went both ways) but we are reforming a relationship as adults

But if you add in secrets like the reason why Jiang Cheng lost his core and the core transfer that happened after plus the complete lack of communication from Wei Wuxian during it all and the seeming betrayals and rejections

Yeah it's no wonder that Jiang Cheng reacted like he did

And I gotta say I do like the relationship he has with Jin Ling. A Jin Ling who chooses to sit with Jiang Cheng. He sees his uncle and his hurt and his pride and he is proud of him, proud to be his nephew

And Jiang Cheng for all he is rough on the outside and makes empty threats and demands (that Jin Ling knows are empty and says as much) He is very caring and loving towards Jin Ling. This is shown in the trust Jin Ling has in him and how he gravitates to Jiang Cheng whenever he is insecure or afraid

And as crushing as the core transfer reveal and Wei Wuxian just leaving again was, Jiang Cheng did not go catatonic. He did not completely fall to pieces. Because he still has to care for his nephew and his sect

And I think that really shows how he has developed from a teenager

He had an embarrassing freak out but at the end of the day he can continue on. But he's still hurting

I think he can reconcile with Wei Wuxian but it's going to be painful and awkward and slow

I'm not saying Jiang Cheng is always right but I'm saying his hurt and his reactions are very real and very in character from the point of view of a neglected and unloved younger sibling

#jiang cheng #mdzs #mdzs meta #childhood trauma #childhood neglect #personal experiences

[nmolesofadrenaline]

#abuse survivor #toxic family #emotional abuse #dysfunctional family #toxic mom #toxic parents #ptsdlife #ptsd awareness #ptsd recovery #childhood ptsd #actually ptsd #ptsd vent #complex ptsd #ptsd #tw abuse #childhood neglect #cw neglect #neglectful parents #child neglect #emotional neglect #parental neglect #tw neglect #abandoment issues #abandoned #mommy issues

[lastsecondsquirrel]

I'm angry.

I know that I am here because of my own choices but fuck if these assholes didn't make the wrong choices feel like the only ones when I was a literal child and now I am supposed to be such an adult and it's my fault that these are the behaviors I learned. And I've been working to unlearn them for fucking years and it's fucking hard.

Because instead of teaching me coping skills my parents gave me reasons to need them.

#childhood neglect #emotional neglect #avoidant personality disorder #avpd #personality disorder #bpd #rant #vent #angry #childhood trauma #social anxiety #social phobia #rejection sensitive dysphoria #rejection sensitivity #coping skills #parentification #parentified child