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#ruin every friendship you have nobody loves you or cares anymore they never really did why would they

daegall · 2 years

Text

Tell me everything.

↳ Best friends are supposed to tell each other everything, but Donghyuck isn't all that sure if he can tell you about his feelings. (He obviously also doesn't know that you have a big fat crush on him too)

pairing: best friend!hyuck x reader

genre: fluff, crack, slight angst, best friends to lovers!AU

warnings: um parties, mentions of alcohol, reader and hyuck are so fucking oblivious, bro idk i dont rmember writing this fic im so sorry

word count: 8.8k words

a/n: oh my fucking god the rollercoaster this fic has been to me. i swear to god i have never ever been so blocked EVER im sos ososososoooo sorry this is SO overdue man i feel so guilty and at the same time i feel so disappointed in this fic but its ok ^^ i'll just grow out of it in the future and look back and laugh (with tears </3)

anw BIG HUGE thank you to the godess of editing herself, @jenotapes ! thank you so so sooo much aisha for the beautiful header, i cannot express how much i love it and how thankful i am, it's so gorgeous it's liek theonly good thing about this whole thing HAHA

The first real friend you've ever had, you have to say, is your mother, but really that's another situation.

Other than her, you'd have to say it would be Hung Renjun, someone you've known since middle school. You were inseparable during middle school, and sure you had a few crushes on him, but it's a lot different now.

You grew apart, but it doesn't seem like any of you minded it that much.

Your best friend after that, would be Lee Donghyuck. Someone you met through Renjun.

It was during Renjun's cousin's wedding where you met him. (You were only invited because this certain cousin used to be like a sister to you when you were younger. You like to remember all the tea parties you had together.)

But man, would you like to thank, and scold, both Renjun and his cousin for inviting you. Because of them, you found Donghyuck.

It was quite a unique way to find your best friend.

"You've got some moves!"

You turn around at the unexpected, and unfamiliar voice, alarmed at a (very cute) stranger with a light smile on his lips. Your lips go from a gape of surprise, to a bright smile that slips a laugh, "Thank you!"

"Do you have a phone number too?"

Yes, he had tried asking you out. Not only did you end up giving up your number, but you did go hang out a while after that.

You most certainly did (and still do) have the biggest crush on him, finding him so very charming and cute and, well, your type.

But for some apparent reason, he never asked if you wanted to actually date. You're not sure if he forgot, or he thinks you weren't interested or something, but he just didn't. You suspect he didn't have any more interest anymore. Not that you minded, (now. You minded a lot back then.) but it's getting a lot harder to keep in with every day that you get closer to Donghyuck.

It's gotten to the point where you don't even want to think of him, fearing that it would show and your whole friendship would be ruined.

Instead, you bake, as you always did when you had something particular on your mind.

Chocolate chip cookies, you had decided about 20 minutes ago, the soft and chewy ones that Donghyuck like—

"Holy shit," you whisper to yourself, voice hushed with realization. "did I just make Lee Donghyuck's favorite fucking snack without realizing?!"

Yeah, your crush on him has gotten a lot worse. You suspect this happened when he took you out for breakfast, lunch, and dinner when he noticed your dull state last week. He even paid for all the food!

You decide to let all your thoughts go as you close the oven with your fist batch of cookies, the rustiness of the screws more than enough to distract you. Gosh, nobody in your dorm building takes care of the poor thing. You remember when Yoo Jimin and Kim Minjeong attempted to roast a whole turkey but it came out way undercooked because the oven broke down within 30 minutes.

Just as you thought your mind was Lee Donghyuck-free, the door to the kitchen opens, and in comes all your thoughts once again, as your best friend enters.

"Hey there," he greets.

"Hi,"

"What are you doing?"

You shrug, turning around as you continue mixing the cookie dough. "I don't know, what does it seem like I'm doing?"

A chuckle slips from Donghyuck's lips as he approaches you, choosing to take a seat on the counter, next to the cooling rack. "Cookies?"

You only him in approval, placing the bowl back down on the counter.

To Donghyuck, your baking is one of the best he knows. First, would be his mother, of course, but you’re close to beating her, especially with the cake you baked for Renjun’s birthday a few months ago. He particularly likes your baking when you two are awake at midnight, and instead of using the oven, you choose to use the microwave, to make simple 2 minute microwave cookies or brownies. They’re the best for midnight snacks to have while writing an essay, or having an existential crisis together.

A moment later, Donghyuck finds you rummaging through the many drawers to find something. Once you finally find it, you go straight back to the dough, before you stick the object in, and scoop it back out.

In front of Donghyuck, is a teaspoon, scooped with your cookie dough. He mumbles a few words of gratitude, before taking the spoon from you and shoving it in his mouth.

While Jaemin and Jeno are your favorite taste testers, (due to their immaculate opinions of how much salt and/or sugar you put into your recipes) Donghyuck always somehow finds his way to become number one. Maybe it’s because you like to hear the compliments from him. (or your big fat crush on him. Both, most likely.)

"Oh, yum! This is really good," Donghyuck smacks his lips, savouring each second of the taste melting on his tongue, and gets a small sense of... nostalgia.

"Hey, did you put some—"

"—cinnamon? Yes I did, I remember you telling me how your mom would do it, so I decided to try it myself too. Good to know you like it,"

It was a simple mention during a debate of if cupcakes or cookies were better, but the very random fact stuck to the back of your mind whenever you thought of baking. You’ve been meaning to make some, but never had the time to until now. (Though, you do have a few assignments begging to be finished as you bake.)

While Donghyuck is so very thankful, and delighted, he's a tiny bit worried. He knows you only bake when you have a mind full of things you don't want it to be filled with. This happened when you flunked that one assignment and you baked a whole birthday cake to get your mind off it.

"Are you okay?"

You're surprised at Donghyuck's words, instantly halting your actions to turn to him with shock written in every part of your face. "Huh?"

"I mean," Donghyuck passes you the spoon back, wiping your hand when he sees its got some flour stuck to it, "you're baking. Cookies. A lot of them. You only bake when you're thinking a lot, what's up? I'm your best friend, tell me everything!"

And that is exactly what you've been thinking about. How attentive he is, how caring and kind he is. Gosh he almost makes you go crazy just by doing things like this to you, you might just tell him what's wrong to have him stop completely.

"Nothing," you breathe out, going back to check on the cookies in the oven, "just bored, I guess."

Donghyuck doesn't buy a single bit of it, and you know he doesn't. So instead, you decide to lie a little, hoping he wouldn't catch it.

"I was so busy yesterday, I guess I just wanted to relax. Decided to make some cookies for you."

At this, Donghyuck can't help but chuckle. Cookies? For him? "Just for me?"

Oh shit, did you say that? Silently, you panic, unconsciously shifting away from Donghyuck to hide your growing nose scrunch of embarrassment. "Uhh, f-for us...?" You hope he lets it go, you hope with your entire soul that he lets it go and accepts your stupid and poorly made excused for once.

Alas, he is Lee Donghyuck, your best friend who will never let you live down a single thing if you make a mistake. (You always question why you even like him.) There was a time you accidentally switched the names of two of your upperclassmen. The most embarrassing 2 weeks of your life when he would remind you every other day.

Donghyuck's head throws back with laughter, gripping the edge of the counter for balance. He's always looked so cute while laughing, and you don't miss the way your heart stutters. And neither does Donghyuck. His own heart feels like it's soaring, jumping all around his body, swirling and spinning all because of you. "Oh my god, you're so cute!"

Oh my god, he's driving you crazy.

To shut him up, you grab a cookie from the cooling rack, before shoving it in his mouth, flicking at his forehead. "Shut up or these cookies are going to Chenle."

Donghyuck nods, though laughing and chewing, winking and blowing a kiss at you. Once again, he feels his heart somersault when you reach over to wipe the few crumbs at the corner of his lips.

ii.

Lee Donghyuck never liked business management. Sure, it’s where he realized that the person he hit on at Renjun’s cousin’s party sat 2 rows in front of him, and yeah, Professor Lee is his favorite teacher, and sure, he sometimes likes the lessons–okay, maybe he just hates it today.

Or maybe today is complete shit to him. Yes, he hates today. None of your nagging during breakfast, or even lunch, due to your sudden cold you got overnight. He’s had to go through classes without you, only get one cup of coffee, and he didn’t even get one text from you. What’s up with that?

He feels completely relieved to be going back to his beloved room, expecting to do nothing but sleep for the rest of the day, and maybe watch some of his favorite reality shows. He just… he really needs to rest.

You know what he would kill for right now? Your cookies. The ones you made the other day for him, the ones you added cinnamon to and made him feel all warm inside. In his opinion, those are the best cookies he’s ever eaten. But he won’t tell his mom.

Yeah, one of those would not be bad for this shitty, shitty day. Or maybe you yourself, there to accompany him and cheer him up, but you’ve got a sickness, and need to rest. Him feeling down in the dumps is a lot less important than your health.

But apparently, that’s not exactly your own priorities.

Donghyuck doesn’t expect to see you here, when he swings open his dorm door, but there you are, with a mask on and a duster in hand. You seem to be cleaning out the bookshelf by the window, the one Donghyuck installed with you just for the aesthetics.

Why are you dusting it? Heck, why are you even here?!

“Y/n? What the fuck are you doing here? You need to rest right this second!”

You were just about to say something, to explain why you’re in his room in the first place, but your best friend beats you to it, rushing up to you, before he grabs gently at your arms. You drop the duster in your hand at this, gaping at the way Donghyuck tugs you to his bed.

It’s like every time you’re about to say something, anything, Donghyuck interrupts you with an action, pressing his hand to your forehead. “God, you’re still burning up. Have you taken your meds yet?”

FInally, you’re able to speak, as Donghyuck shuts up to hear you. Instead of words, a light laugh slips through your lips, as you shake your head in disbelief. “No, yeah, I took them right before coming here.” Donghyuck doesn’t say anything, but you can already practically feel the curiosity radiating off him, the frustration he’s about to spew out into words.

“I came here to clean your room,” You say, brushing Donghyuck’s hands off your arms, only to take them in yours softly. Instantly, his thumbs run over your knuckles carefully. You can’t deny the way your heart swirls with love. “since my dusty ass room is what gave me my morning cold.” Suddenly, you grow a bit conscious of how ridiculous you might seem to him, getting up to clean up your best friend’s room.

“Didn’t want you to get one, or something.” You can’t look Donghyuck in the eye, afraid that it would be the last thing to set you off into a hot, shy mess.

But unbeknownst to you, Donghyuck looks at you so gently, so lovingly and softly. He’s so very thankful for you, in so many ways. Just being in your presence has him instantly calming down, and forgetting about every single bad thing he’s had come across him today. Just the thought of you caring so much for him has him forgiving every single thing that’s ever hurt him in his life.

As if looking Donghyuck in the eye wasn’t enough to make you go crazy, Donghyuck’s hands suddenly slide up your arms, his fingertips brushing against your skin, before he wraps his arms around your shoulders, securing you tightly to him.

You feel, and practically memorize every time Donghyuck’s skin comes in contact with yours, touching, brushing, leaving trails of goosebumps. The best kind.

You feel so many things when Donghyuck hugs you. You feel shocked, and surprised, and at the same time so flustered. But those aren’t the strangers feelings in you. Others being worry, and dread.

This hug isn’t the typical ones that Donghyuck usually gives you. It’s tighter, tenser, he’s not giggling, and neither are you. Another thing that makes you feel awfully concerned about this hug, is the fact that Donghyuck has stuffed his head in your neck, and is breathing awfully heavily. It takes you one moment, then two, before you feel the tears and hear the sobs.

Instantly, your arms wrap around him instantly, tucking him closer to you, before you feel tears spring to your eyes as well. You don’t say anything, despite having so many questions, and Donghyuck is so very thankful for that. Sometimes asking for a reason and wanting to understand someone fully isn’t the best, in his opinion, but you don’t even have to ask to understand him. You’ve never had to. Just with an expression on his face, you can tell instantly what he’s feeling.

“One day without me and you’re already struggling, what would you do without me?”

Oh, how Donghyuck feels so safe around you. He pulls away from your shoulder, slightly grimacing at the sight of a damp spt, before a laugh chokes through his sniffling. “Nothing, so you better stick to me for the rest of our lives, alright?”

You do nothing but nod, and chuckle, before you start to wipe away Donghyuck’s tears with the sleeves of your sweater. Not the best choice for wiping someone’s eyes, but that doesn’t really matter right now. Donghyuck needs you, and you’ll be there for him.

“You wanna talk about it?” You mumble softly, brushing his hair from his face. Your best friend finds his heart swelling and thumping erratically with so much love at the look on your face. He’s always liked it when you take care of him. You don’t judge him, not at all. His needs are what you focus on, and it feels good to finally be loved for once.

“Can I?” He whispers in reply, falling into the warmth of your hands. His own grip at your wrists, holding them up to his face.

You smile, and it tells him everything. You’re not going anywhere until he feels better, no matter how long, or how hard the task will be. “Tell me everything.”

And that’s exactly what Donghyuck does. He tells you of how his morning was thoroughly mundane and how he seemed to have struggled to stay awake during class, and how Professor Lee even told him off for dozing off. He tells you each detail, every word and action, and you practically feel like you’re in the scene with how he describes it.

One thing he leaves out, however, is every feeling he’s felt. How could he? He’s sure to blurt out how incredibly safe he feels with you, how worried he was because of your cold, how all he could think about today was just you. Not to mention, how he really believes he cares for you, way more than a best friend should.

Just your presence, the sight of you, it makes him feel somehow inside. Like having a warm picnic late in the afternoon, the warm rays of the sunshine feeling oh so relaxing.

Like watching one of your favorite chick flicks or romantic movies with you after his breakdown, but not even paying attention to the movie because of the way you look so immersed and mesmerized with it has him himself in a daze. That one spark in your eye you always have when you’re so interested, the smile on your lips when you sigh with delight, the way your hands curl around Donghyuck’s wrist to bring you closer.

Donghyuck loves these moments. Donghyuck loves you.

iii.

Alright, Donghyuck does not love you. At least, he doesn’t think he does.

Not in these moments, when you bug him constantly when you very much know he needs to be focusing and finishing his essay.

But hey, in your defence, he’s got 2 weeks to finish it, and it’s not like he doesn’t have everything planned out for it. He’s been ready, much to your surprise. And as much as you are proud of him, you’re not so proud when he’s chosen to use the time where you two usually go to the grocery store near campus to do some assignment.

And it’s not like he doesn’t bug you every time you’re doing literally anything other than hanging out with him. There was a time you had to tutor Jung Sungchan (who will always remain your favorite student) but Donghyuck was around the corner, whispering (not so) quietly at you about how you should totally ditch math and accompany him wherever.

“Please, Y/n,” Donghyuck finally says after attempting to ignore you for 20 straight minutes. His hands are holding at yours, shaking them with the most desperate expression you’ve ever seen on Lee Donghyuck. “I’m begging you to just let me work. 30 minutes. Then we can go get frozen yoghurt from the dining hall, how’s that?”

You really can’t help but snort, and he can’t help but feel all his frustration flutter away just at the sight of your smile. Strange, he’s been feeling things. “What happened to the Donghyuck I knew last week? When I was sick? That made me swear not to leave each other because you couldn’t even last a day without me?”

“My god, Y/n!” Donghyuck exclaims, and at that moment, his fingers intertwine with yours. Great, let’s play a round of ‘how many times can your best friend make you feel things a best friend shouldn’t’ shall we?

“Yes, my love,” There goes one. God do you hate (read: love) when Donghyuck calls you that.

Donghyuck breathes out, trying to suppress a laugh. (it fails.) “I know I said that, and I still don’t take it back! I really mean it, I really do,” That’s two!

“But please, just let me finish this, and then we can go grab a snack, yeah?” Okay, that wasn’t that bad.

“My treat.” And that’s three.

This comment has you shutting up with a small smile, a swirling sensation of excitement stirring in you. This is the only indication your best friend needs to know you’ve agreed to his terms.

And finally, some peace and quiet. At least, that’s what Donghyuck thought.

“What’s your favorite color?” Donghyuck sighs when you start up after promising him you wouldn’t. He glances at you only momentarily, across from him with your arms tightly wrapped around the pillow Jeong Jaehyun left accidentally when he moved out. You have a small, almost mischievous smirk on your lips, as you lightly nudge at your best friend’s knee with your foot.

“I dunno,” he mumbles out, going back to his work, “never thought of it.”

And then he’s back to typing and ignoring you. Oh, how boring this was. It’s not all that fair, in your opinion, how Donghyuck is ignoring you when every time you’ve wanted to work he’s coming over with Chenle’s dog and a bunch of your favorite movies.

“Okay then, what’s your favorite thing to do?”

“Right now?” Donghyuck murmurs, and can’t help the jumping of his heart or curl at his lips when you crawl closer to him to bump your head against his side. “It would be working on this essay.”

“You’re so boring!”

Donghyuck simply dismisses your words, though you can see the slight smirk at the corner of his lips. He’s amused, and though he claims he wants to finish his essay, you know he very much does not mind your presence with him.

“Fine,” You huff out, “I guess I’ll just go and bother Jaemin or something.”

At this, Donghyuck perks up, eyes wide as he watches you roll off the couch next to him. His hand instinctively reaches out to grab at your wrist before you could leave, tugging you back to stumble back next to him on the couch.

Just as you expected.

“Oh? What’s this? The person who has been completely ignoring me is suddenly giving me so much attention?”

“Uh–” Donghyuck stumbles over his words, racking his brain to find a witty enough response to keep you here with him. Alas, as much as he tries, as hard as he searches, his mind becomes completely blank. It’s been happening lately, actually. Whenever he stares into your eyes, he’s struggling to find all the stupid witty comments, his heart feels like it’s being tugged at, it’s so strange.

“God, okay fine! Yeah, I want you here, but please, just don’t ask me stupid shit, okay?” Donghyuck proceeds to pat the space next to him, his gaze turning shy as he looks away bashfully. “Just–just accompany me, please.”

And surprisingly, you comply, for here you are, next to him, staring at his screen. Your head rests on his shoulder, hands playing with the pillows in your arms. You’re bored, but you can suck it up, just for Donghyuck, you suppose.

A sudden thought pops up in your mind, amd before you can stop yourself, you’re blurting it out.

“What do you want for your birthday?”

You notice how Donghyuck’s fingers completely stop typing, his work put on hold. “What?”

“I mean,” You start, your voice growing quieter, “your birthday’s coming up soon, right?”

All the other years you’ve celebrated it, it was always you throwing a big surprise party for him. It was always your gift for him. But since this year Jeno and Jaemin promised they would do it for him this year, it would mean you’re gonna have to get him a present too.

Donghyuck’s never heard this question, and strangely, he doesn’t really like it coming from you. He doesn’t want to demand things like he does with his other friends (read: Rich kid Chenle). He knows that whatever it is, he’s gonna love it.

“Your love?”

Your breath hitches in your throat at the response you receive, before you fly away from his shoulder to throw him a confused look.

Donghyuck’s face is… incredibly cute. He has a teasing smile, cheeks pulled up with his eyes bright. His chuckles are soft, though they resonate repetitively in your ears, and you can’t help but start chuckling as well.

“Oh really?”

When Donghyuck shrugs with a nod, you can finally come up with an equally witty response. “You better not complain if my gift is a kiss.”

To be honest, Donghyuck doesn’t mind. In fact, he kind of–holy shit Lee Donghyuck wants to kiss you!

iv.

Hyuck 🐻: Hey [22:10] Hey [22:10] Hey [22:11]

You: What [22:11]

Hyuck 🐻: Can we call [22:12]

You: Why [22:12]

Hyuck 🐻: Need help with an assignment [22:12]

You: Okay fine yeah sure [22:13]

Only you did anything but an assignment Donghyuck was struggling on. You went on a video call, he showed you a bit of the equations, and then you don't remember anything about any assignment after that.

The only thing you can recall talking about is literally anything other than it. Like Donghyuck's story of how his pinkie apparently stopped growing. (He's told you about 6 times already, but it's got to be your favorite story to hear.)

Nonetheless, you can't say you mind it. Donghyuck has been a bit distant lately, you're not sure why, but it's great to hear from him again.

Unbeknownst to you, Donghyuck is avoiding you just a little bit. Ever since the time on the couch where he quite wanted you to kiss him, he's not sure where his heart lies. In your palms, probably.

And he definitely feels like it is, especially when you start laughing at one of his stupid jokes through the screen. It's a tiny bit lagged, with your smile coming only a few seconds after your laughs, but it still shakes Donghyuck's heart. He can't even remember the joke.

He can't remember anything when he's with you, all he wants to remember is the curl of your lips, the sound of your laughter, the warmth you emit. Well, the warmth his laptop emits.

"Hey," Donghyuck starts. He picks on the bracelet you gave him last year, after you got it from some kiosk you found when you went on vacation with your family. It was the first real gift from you, and he cherishes it with all his heart.

"Didn't get to ask how your week was, how was it?"

Right, because he's been quite clearly ignoring you all week.

You visibly shift in Donghyuck's screen, going unseen for a moment, before you adjust your laptop on your lap. "It's been okay, got extra free time since Sungchan couldn't come to this week's meeting. Been sleeping a lot more."

"That's good," Donghyuck replies to your summary. It really is, because God knows how little sleep you get. Sometimes it's because of studying, or watching some movie just because you felt like it, or someone (read: Donghyuck) is occupying your time.

Your smile flashes on the screen, and it causes Donghyuck to smile himself, tugging his blankets closer to him.

"How about your week? What have you been doing to not call me every other hour?"

Let's see, thinking of you, staring at your contact photo for some reason, contemplating whether to call you or not, and, well, sleeping. And babbling about you to Lee Jeno.

"Not much, really."

His answer is definitely not what you expected, nor was it really what you wanted. You expected a whole rant, story time until the most ungodly hour of the morning, heck, even a witty little comment like how he's been thinking of you would be okay. (He would totally, but just scared if he would sound too serious because it's literally what he's been doing.)

And this clearly shows through your facial expressions, as your nose scrunches in dissatisfaction. "Really? Why didn't you call me then?"

Your words set a zoo that even Donghyuck has no idea of running around his body, sensations of happiness and giddiness ripple through his whole soul, and he has to physically hold back a grin.

"Why didn't you call me? Why does it always have to be me calling you?"

Donghyuck is lucky enough to come up with a natural and witty comment, a pout playing at his lips. They dangerously threaten to curl when you click your tongue, leaning in closer to your camera. "Fine," you mumble, "I'll call you next time."

Geez, and Donghyuck thought the zoo was enough for him. Now he has his heart shaking, bearing and clenching and buzzing with adoration for you. Holy shit... what was this feeling?

"Oh, by the way," these words once again capture all of your best friend's attention, it has him humming intently, unconsciously bringing his laptop closer to him.

"had this conversation with Chenle the other day," you explain the context, though you clearly know this was a lie. There was no conversation with Zhong Chenle, it was just a scheme.

"What's a random thing you have never had?"

Yes, a scheme to find him a birthday present.

"For example, I never had a gemstone before. Pebbles, rocks, sure. But like rubies and all that jazz? Never."

At first, Donghyuck was a little bit suspicious of your actions and words, but the moment you mention the gemstone and have you've never had it, his mind drifts off from the suspiciousness, instead racking his brain to find a thing.

It takes him a solid minute, one minute of a cute little thoughtful pout, one moment of his low focused humming, one minute of staring at his cute habits. God, perhaps you have it bad for Lee Donghyuck.

As you stare at him, you can't help but wonder what this certain object might be. Donghyuck's been gifted very random things by lots of people. There was a time he got a whole pack of chopsticks for Christmas. It was the craziest shit ever.

"Snowglobe."

You barely get to process his words, before you burst out laughing, very amused by his words. Though Donghyuck is confused, and shocked, he can't help but laugh along with you. He always found your laughter very contagious and enlightening.

"What?" He asks softly between chuckles, eyes glued to the screen, where you attempt to stop your laughter, but fail miserably.

"N-nothing," you snort, "that was just the last thing I expected."

And honestly, Donghyuck gets it. He gets it completely. Snowglobe, of all things, but it’s the truth, it really is.

Donghyuck leans in closer to his screen, if that is even possible, smiling fondly as you quiet down from your laughing fit. You have your face stuffed into a pillow, eyes shut as you try to regain and steady your breath. “It is pretty random, isn’t it?”

Your best friend can’t help but think you look… so precious. How many people in the world get to make you smile this much, how many people can get you to laugh as hard? For some reason, he can’t help but feel almost so special to get to have you in his life. To have you listen to his god awful jokes and to have you accompany him in a call. God, how did he even manage to get you to bake his favorite cookies?

And suddenly, when he glances at you, closing the window to his (finished and submitted) essay, you look way too good for a best friend. Grinning down at your laptop as your favorite part of your comfort movie plays, when have you ever looked so good before?

Considering the fact that Donghyuck was okay with you kissing you just a few days ago, and how you seem absolutely ethereal to him, he’s pretty concerned. What is going on? Why is he feeling this way towards you, after months of being so close, why has he only noticed now?

When Donghyuck softly smiles at the sight of you already mouthing along to your favorite dialogue of the whole movie, he realized that not only is he okay with you kissing him, he wants you to kiss him.

It’s been weeks since you’ve actually hung out properly with Lee Donghyuck, and after all this time spent without him, you realize how painfully boring life could be without him and how incredibly boring Lee Jeno is.

You spent a couple of days with him, and you agree with everyone when they say Na Jaemin truly might be his soulmate, because you don’t know how he can deal with such boringness. (Oh my god has Lee Donghyuck been influencing you too much?!)

Strangely, Jeno and Jaemin have been avoiding you too, but you know why. Even if they didn’t tell you, you know it’s because they would accidentally slip up and tell you their plans for Donghyuck’s birthday party and you would go scurrying off and telling him.

False, they are, because Donghyuck doesn’t…. want to talk to you. At least, that’s what you think, and that’s what you fear. What have you done wrong? What went wrong? The last time you spoke was… about 2 and a half weeks ago, when you had gone over to drop off one of his sweaters he left in your dorm.

He was quite awkward, to say the least. Fidgeting, nervous mumbling, he didn’t even hug you once, he was surely fishy. Ever since then, it’s only been texts, no meet ups or calls. Just texts. And you were initiating and continuing them all by yourself.

A pit of fear lies within you at the thought of you doing something to have Donghyuck stray away from you. Anxiety courses through your veins at the thought of him telling you that you should stop talking or something.

Nobody knows how you feel about him. Fear and love, or whatever you feel for him, nobody knows.

Nobody but Mark Lee. That guy’s great at getting you to spill your beans. Just an ‘Are you sure?’ and you’re going on and on about how confused you feel, how scared and how much you adore Donghyuck.

Thankfully, unlike Jisung or Chenle (or both together), he doesn’t have certain days where he’s making fun or not, he’s always 100% considerate. You’re surprised he doesn’t have a significant other yet, he really deserves one.

And here you are, once again, in front of him, but instead of the library, or his dormitory lounge room, you find yourselves in front of a lake Mark had found recently. You might bring Donghyuck here someday.

“Damn, really? I thought this was gonna be our spot, but I guess you always have to show Donghyuck everything.”

“Well sorry, Mark,” You murmur, as you attempt to skip a rock. It bounces 4 times. “I’m sorry I have a big fat huge crush on my own best friend.”

Mark whistles at your 4 skips, nudging your arm with an impressed smirk. “You say he’s ignoring you?”

“Yeah.” You don’t want to be reminded of the fact. Mark can tell, but you do have to face it either way.

“I know these words might be said like, a thousand times to a thousand people, but it’s really what you should do. Give him some time, maybe he’s going through something–”

“–Mark if he’s going through something he would tell me, he always does! He calls me, usually right before he’s going to sleep, and when I hear his sigh I know. I would know instantly. And I’d be over at his in less than 6 minutes, and he would scold me for wasting my breath for him, and I would always counter how he would do the same thing, because he would!”

Mark isn’t exactly surprised to see you’ve finally cracked. Neither did he expect it, but he knew it would be possible. He lets you rant, he wants you to rant. Get all of it out, until it’s all gone.

“And the thing is, I don’t even fucking know if he would at this point.” You groan and grimace at the tears starting to bead at the corner of your eyes, throwing another rock at the lake. “Did I do something?”

“Y/n,” Mark calls out softly. You almost forget you have company, but with Mark’s hand on your shoulder, moving you in front of him, you know you can trust this company. “even if Hyuck did feel that way, he wouldn’t lead you on, you know he wouldn’t.”

He was right, Donghyuck always called out the bad people in his life and didn’t even hesitate to turn them away. It’s a trait you love about him, he warned you about one of your exes, and instead of scolding you, like he usually does, he went to have a full on conversation with him and full on punched him.

“But if he was leading you on, you’d be okay. He might mean a lot to you now, and in the near future, but there will be people there for you.” Mark has now wrapped you in his arms, patting comfortingly. He mumbles softly, as if he knew the perfect tone to make someone calm down. He does have the perfect tone to calm someone down.

“That’s not gonna happen, though. He loves you way too much to do that.”

Mark Lee is crazy good at comforting, he should probably do it as a job, or something.

“Yeah,” You laugh (with a quiet sniffle that follows), burying yourself in his embrace. You wipe at the small tears on your cheeks, laughing embarrassingly, but Mark assures there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. “God, you’re a really good listener,”

“I know.”

“And advice giver.”

“I know that too,”

You pick up one more rock, turn to the lake, before you toss it. “I think I’m gonna confess. I don’t want this to fester into something really bad.”

Mark nods, joining you in rock skipping. His rock bounces 5 times. “Alright, but if he says anything bad I’m beating the shit out of him.”

You laugh at his comment. Mark Lee is like the brother you always wanted.

vi.

It’s June sixth, Donghyuck’s birthday.

You had texted him a quick birthday text this morning, strike at midnight, like you promised. You haven’t texted him since then, only staring at the ‘thanks y/n <3’ he had sent you about 20 minutes after you sent the text.

At first, you were pretty surprised to see that he was up that late, and then the worry came and started getting you just a little anxious, before you brushed it off, concluding that he was only just playing some more video games with Lee Jeno on his birthday.

And then after that, nothing. No texts, no calls, no nothing. It makes you a little sad, but you’re way too scared to do anything about it. You plan to confess to Donghyuck. Today, at his birthday party Jaemin and Jeno are hosting.

It’s only about an hour and a half away, but you have no plans on getting ready for it. Not at all. For now, you have his wrapped gift in your hands as you stare at your ceiling and practice your confession in your head.

You were always good at memorizing things, speeches, formulas, anything. It was a little thing you enjoyed.

But now, trying to clear your head and recite the confession you plan to tell him, you can’t recall a single word. Just the thought of it going to your best friend, who has been ignoring you for god knows how long, it’s got your heart hammering in your chest and your hands shaking, your nervousness spiking.

You check the clock. 40 minutes until the party.

You’ve got to get your shit together.

Before you know it, you’ve found yourself at the party, Jeno and Jaemin both embracing you at the same time.

“A little late, but nothing too bad! Good to see you again, Y/n!” Jaemin mumbles, before planting a playful kiss on your cheek. You fake a grimace, wiping it off your skin. Jeno only giggles at the situation, before ruffling your hair and nudging his head inside. “You’ll be able to find Hyuck somewhere in there. Can’t be that hard, he’s the birthday boy!”

His words are meant to mean well, nothing with generous intent, but it makes you nervous. Just in a matter of time, you’re about to spill all the beans about all your feelings towards your best friend who probably doesn’t even want to be your best friend anymore. (He wants to be so much more, but you don’t know that.)

The party is busy, busier than you thought, with many people from your classes and some other people they brought, probably for free food and a chance of finding love. Or maybe Jaemin and Jeno are just immensely popular.

All these people, and yet no sign of Donghyuck yet.

His gift is tight in your grip, your fingers bouncing and tapping against it quickly.

The first few people you bump into are your close friends, Huang Renjun and Mark Lee, and you don’t miss the hopeful glint in Mark’s eyes. You shake your head quickly with a slight frown, which tells him everything he needs to know.

Next, are Chene and Jisung, who seem… strange. They’re giggling, which is normal, but they keep nudging at each other and they had started… poking and screeching at you when you asked where Donghyuck was. You had no choice but to check if they were tipsy, or something, only to find their drinks were just mixtures of a bunch of sodas. Gross.

About 25 minutes have passed, no sign of Donghyuck. How are you supposed to give him your gift? (read: how are you supposed to tell him you’re head over heels in love with him?) Is he seriously ignoring you in his own birthday party too?

You’re getting agitated, almost anxious as the time passes.

You run up to Jeno, when you spot him near you. “Hey, have you seen Hyuck around?” You yell over the loud music.

His face twists, and the smile on his face is wiped off and replaced with a slight frown. “You haven’t seen him at all tonight?”

You shake your head.

“That’s weird, he would have been the most excited to see you,”

You excuse yourself, the moment you feel a stir in your stomach. You had a slice of cake, and some apple juice, and you don’t think your stomach is agreeing to the combination. Or the thought of Donghyuck completely ignoring you.

It’s not too long of a walk to the bathroom, after all you could make your way through Donghyuck’s place with your eyes closed. Not a good idea right now, you could bump into that guy with 5 plates of birthday cake.

You finally make your way into the bathroom, quickly shutting the door behind you. Instantly, the music is blurred out, and you close your eyes with a sigh when you feel your nerves calm down just a little bit.

Just a little bit.

They double in amount, however, when you realize that none other than Donghyuck is in the bathroom himself, sitting at the corner by the corner.

You both stare at each other, wide eyes of surprise, clearly unsuspecting of finding one another in the bathroom.

“Hyuck? What the fuck are you doing in the bathroom?”

“Uhhh,” Donghyuck desperately racks his head back and forth for a reason, any kind of reason. “Taking a shit?”

No, he was not taking a shit. Obviously.

You feel a whole whirlwind of emotions hit you suddenly, it strikes at your chest, your heart, before it tingles and moves to your fingers, where you squeeze Donghyucl's birthday present, before it moves onto your feet, as you take one step.

That's as far as it goes, however, and you stop very awkwardly in the middle of the bathroom. There's no point in stopping now, he's right here, you both have nowhere to go, and really it's now or never.

You take another step, and another, and before you know it, you're kneeling and plopping down next to Donghyuck.

It's awkward, at least you think it is. You don't dare look at your best friend, afraid that the moment you do, you'djust blurt out how much you love him.

Donghyuck, however, feels nothing but longing towards you. He longs for you, after weeks of ignoring you. But he doesn't let himself, it's his fault, he should deal with the consequences himself.

"Um—happy birthday!" You blurt out, and stick out your hand with the birthday present in it. It alarms Donghyuck, only for a moment, before he reaches out to it with a grin. You missed his smile.

Instantly, Donghyuck has an urge to unwrap it, to see what it is and treasure it with his whole being, to thank you and hug you and finally just be normal with you once again.

And so he rips open the wrapping paper, finding a snow globe sitting in his palm now. Donghyuck's heart follows each and every artificial snowflake floating about in the glass, swelling and swirling at the gift.

You're nervous for Donghyuck's reaction, seeing him gape at the globe with such wide eyes. Did he not like it? Was it too much? Maybe he wanted to get a snow globe himself.

But, it's nothing short of perfect to him. It's got a polar bear in it, with a santa hat and a christmas tree only half its size, there's nothing in it he could ever point out as a flaw.

"Thank you," Donghyuck finallu breathes out, "fuck, this is perfect—thank you so much, Y/n, really."

"I, uh, wanted to put a picture of us, but I didn't know how to do it so I bought a normal one instead" For the second time that night, Donghyuck's heart goes into a frenzy, just at the sight of your smile of pure happiness and eyes of relief. It pains him to think you could doubt yourself over something as silly as a present. You shouldn't ever worry about what you do to him, he's going to love you no matter what.

The atmosphere lifts a little but after that, as you both shyly smile at the situation.

However, it's not a clear sky just yet. There are grey clouds in the way, grey clouds you can't simply ignore.

And at those clouds, you ought to curse at. You haven't brought an umbrella, or a raincoat, even if you knew it was gonna rain. Here you are, sitting in the shade, knowing that if you step out, it'll start pouring.

But at that, you say fuck it! May it be a drizzle worth of rain, a hailstorm, heck a blizzard couldn't stop you.

"Hey, Hyuck?" You take a step out of the shade.

He simply hums back, gaze never leaving the snow globe.

You take a deep breathe, feeling the first droplet of rain on your skin. "Did… did I do anything?"

And when Donghyuck whips around at you with a shocked expression, you feel the winds of confusion kicking in, growing stronger as he rapidly shakes his head and denies it quickly. "What? No, it's just a snow globe,"

"No, no," You can't help but chuckle at his panicked tone, leaning your hand on your palm. "Not that. Just in general, you know?"

In comes heavier rain, feeling so weighted against your skin. It's cold, harsh, and wet, but you know it's going to be worse.

"If I'm doi g anything wrong, please don't keep it in, please tell me," Your words do more than just surprise Donghyuck, a stinging guilt pains him. Is this what you've been thinking about the whole time he's been gone?

"If I'm making you uncomfortable in any way, tell me. If I did something, tell me my mistake." Your voice is laced with more than hurt, or guilt, it has fear, desperation, and Donghyuck wants to punch himself because of all this.

You can't bring yourself to look at Donghyuck, just merely talking to him about the things you've been worried about is already a whole hurricane for you ti deal with, to fight. "If I'm lacking in any way, tell me what I'm lacking. Just please, tell me, Hyuck. You're one of the most important people in my life and I don't want to hurt you or make you feel bad in any way—"

“—Shut up and look at me!"

You hadn't even noticed Donghyuck calling out to you, not until he's grasped your hands in his, inteetwinign your fingers together.

"God, Y/n, I'm sorry. I made you think the exact opposite. I…" Donghyuck's sentence trails off, and before he knows it, he feels himself choking up once again. Just at the sight of you, so desperate, sorry for nothing, feeling bad, he can't get himself to say anything.

Despite that, he tries, shifting on the floor to face you, "Remember when we met? Two years ago, at Renjun's birthday party? Remember what I first said to you?"

It takes you a moment, but you do remember, how could you ever forget?

'You got some moves! Do you have a phone number too?'

Just by the look on your face, Donghyuck knows you remember. "I still stand by my words."

"...I got good dance moves?"

"Wha—No! After that,"

"...I have a phone number?"

"Oh my fucking god, no. I mean what I meant in general. Like—I was hitting on you," Realization rushed in you, and it hits you like a truck once the words roll off Donghyuck's tongue and register in your brain. Lee Donghyuck was hitting on you.

Donghyuck's heartbeat beats in his ears, terrifyingly loud, and his insides twist in fear and anticipation as he mumbles, "I... I fucking love you, Y/n. I love you so much it hurts, and it terrifies me."

"At first, I just thought friends would be enough. But then we became best friends, which I thought would be better, but god was I wrong. Realizing your feelings for your best friend is crazy, because you're scared of every little thing they do! When you asked me what I wanted for my birthday, you... I just really wanted to kiss you right then and there. When you gave me a hug when I had a bad day, I was so afraid that I would accidentally blurt out the words 'I love you', and when you started looking at me differently, longingly, I realized that I had been ignoring you without realizing. And I feel like an absolute bitch about it. I'm so sorry, for everything. For making you feel terrible just because I was being a fool, for neglecting you, and being an asshole and... and for my feelings. I understand if you feel weirded out, or disgusted, or anything, really. I'm just sorry."

The storm you once thought you'd try fighting away is now drying away, replaced by nothing but the sun after the storm, absolute gid and relief waving over you at his words.

Donghyuck looks so fucking ethereal right now, blushing shyly as he stares at the snow globe you gifted him, and as much as he feels embarassed, there's nothing in him telling him to stop holding your hands. He's holding them so dearly, running the pads of his thumb over your skin, his touch warm and comforting.

"Hyuck," You mumble softly. He doesn't look up. "I think I love you too, Hyuck."

In an instant, Donghyuck's head whips up to stare at you, blinking repeatedly and mouth gaping continuously at you.

"Wait—fuck, wait really?!"

You laugh at Donghyuck's shocked expression, leaning forward to bump your forehead against his shoulder.

"Wait—no—Y/n don't play with me. You love me?!"

"Yes, Donghyuck!"

"Fuck, wait, you said you think you love me. Do you love me or not?"

"Oh my god, I love you! I love you, okay? I don't think your feelings are weird, I think it's dope,"

Donghyuck still continues to gape at you, with what seems like the whole galaxy in his eyes, staring at you as if you were his sun and moon and stars and every beautiful thing out there.

Donghyuck gently shurgs you off his shoulder, before he automatically finds his hands on your skin, caressing your face ever so dearly. The look in his eyes do not change, nor do they falter, desperately staring into yours.

"Are you sure you love me?"

You lean forward to bump your forehead against his, "One hundred percent. You sure you love me?"

Donghyuck shifts to brush your noses together, and you can practically feel his grin against yours. "One hundred percent,"

With that, Donghyuck's lips lock with yours, so softly you feel almost lightheaded. His hands on your face still trace their ways through each inch to your jaw and neck, memorizing each part of you. Donghyuck's lips feel soft, taste of birthday cake you can only assume is from when he blew the candle earlier.

Each peck, each push and pull of your lips feel almost like a dream, but the small smiles and occasional laughs bring you back to reality.

When you pull away, Donghyuck instantly brings you into his arms, planting kisses on every free spot he can find on your cheeks

"When did you realize you love me?"

You hum at the question, "Few months ago."

"All those weeks I've wasted… pining over something I already had?!"

"I quite like it, it adds to the yearning, don't you think?"

Donghyuck only huffs, bringing you closer to him.

"Oh right, speaking of all those weeks we've wasted, care to fill me in on those weeks?"

"What should I tell you?" Donghyuck mumbles, pulling your fingers between his. He reaches down to press a kiss to each of your knuckles.

"Tell me everything?"

1K notes · View notes

phylalo · 8 months

Text

Hi, first post ever on tumblr yayyy.

This is a Jihyeon from Surviving romance x fem!reader, fluff. Sfw.

English isn't my first language and there's probably some mistakes :') enjoy anyways.

SURVIVING ROMANCE SPOILERS

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You were looking at the picture you just took with your friends in the science lab, you sent it to Chaerin (well, fake Chaerin) to show that your team was alright and safe. You all made it to the science lab in one piece and were about to leave in the same state, still alive and well. Luckily nobody was really injured by the attack of the mimicking monster and Jinseon took care of it using her knowledge, with her on your team you had no doubt you’d all make it out safe. "Knowledge is power" as she says and today she really proved it because it saved all of your lives. You'll never thank her enough for what she did…you'd love to have a brain like hers. She really treated the monster like a science homework and transformed it into a bomb only dangerous to itself, one of the most impressive things you saw since you're stuck in this school with a zombie apocalypse knocking on every classroom door.

Your eyes drifted away from y’all’s happy faces to the left side of the picture where Jihyeon stood in a powerful pose wearing only her sports bra as a top. Hana threw a pot of acid at the mimicking monster and it turned out it doesn't only copy attacks but also liquids, Jihyeon got some on her shirt and was asked by Jinseon to take it off to not burn her skin. Well, her skin is burnt a little but it could've been worse. She looked unreal in that image, like a deadly fighter woman from an action movie, the kind that awakens something in a girl. Every girl's first girl crush. Your mind couldn’t stop going crazy, you always admired the volleyball player not only for her looks but also for her talents in sports and in music, her kind personality and that sweet sweet smile of hers…you never denied it to yourself, you were head over heels for your classmate. She’s beautiful, smart and always willing to lend a hand to her close ones, they say nobody is perfect but for you she is the description of the word. You would go out with her if you could.

- Still watching that picture ?

You felt someone peek over your shoulder and you glanced at the person now next to you. You smiled at Jinseon and giggled a bit. You angled your phone towards her so you both can see what's on your screen. With a smile and a happy tone you answered to your best friend.

- Yeah, I think we look really good in it, don’t you think ?

- We or…-Jinseon zoomed in on the picture to show only Jihyeon-, her ? she continued

You quickly closed your screen and made a fake offended noise at the same time. Jinseon wasn’t clueless, you couldn’t expect her to not know about this little (big) crush of yours. You didn’t mind her knowing, unlike some of your other classmates who are a bit noisy and can’t hold a secret for damn life Jinseon. She knows when it's best to shut up, and so do you. You know an infinite list of secrets about her and you never revealed a single one, not even by accidents. She trusts you with her personal stuff, it makes a great friendship and there's no way you're gonna ruin what you two have. You won't survive this place if she doesn't.

- How dare you make such baseless assumptions! you jokingly asked while putting away your phone in your pocket. You don't have to use it anymore and it's best to save some battery on your device.

- Baseless ? You almost have heart in your eyes when you look at her, laughed your classmate.

You laughed a bit too.

- What are you two talking about ? asked Jihyeon while closing in to you two and still shirtless.

Jinseon gave you that look and you almost wanted to slap her. That wasn't very discreet of her and you think she fully knows it, clearly it was intentional. You smiled at your other classmate who just joined it, trying really hard to ignore those small abs just showing like they never did, you could swear they wanted to jump at you. Why is all the light in the room reflecting on them ? Why are they so damn divine ? Why are you such a simp ? Someone had to answer Jihyeon at some point and obviously Jinseon wouldn't dare to take that away from you…you hate her (you love her so much).

- Nothing much, just the picture we took earlier, you answered, I’m thinking about making it my wallpaper.

- That’s not a bad idea, can you send it to me so I can do the same thing ?

You nodded. Jihyeon wanted a picture you took as her wallpaper ? A picture with you in it ? Well, everyone in the science lab team was on it too so it probably doesn’t mean that much, it probably doesn't mean nothing at all really. You also chose that picture because of everyone’s beautiful smiles on it, not only for Jihyeon. Y'all look so proud and happy, who wouldn't want to see their friends smile everyday when they open their phone ? You definitely want a picture like that with all your friends, you could include Minwoo even if he’s not in your class, he’s still in the zombie survival group and you guess that makes you friends, sort of. Being traumatized for life together counts as the start of a friendship doesn't it ?

Seeing that Jihyeon took her phone out as if she was ready to receive your message, you took your phone back out and unlocked your screen, a big mistake.

As soon as you opened it, the zoomed in picture appeared and you almost choked on your own saliva. Jinseon held in her laugh with her hand which resulted in a not so gracious noise that pretty much made everyone turn their head towards you three. You quickly unzoomed the photo from Jihyeon’s pixelated double, but the damage was already done, your phone was right under her nose. It's obvious that she saw. You raised your head a bit to look at your friend’s face, a shade of pink took place on her cheeks and an unsure and shy smile illuminated her traits. You lowered your eyes, it was better to stare at the floor for two seconds, just to calm yourself down a bit. The floor can't judge you at least, it won't suddenly start laughing at you. You would've laughed at yourself so hard if you were someone else.

- I’ll go check if there’s something around to cover you, said Jinseon before leaving the small group you had formed. Now it's just you and Jihyeon, death is your biggest wish.

Deep down you know she’s leaving because she wants you to take your chance and make a move. Would you ? You honestly don’t know. Another quick glance at the volleyball player, she’s scratching the back of her neck with that same charming smile. With nothing to say, your voice blocked by your shame, you just send her the picture. Her phone makes a little ding sound when she receives it and she checks her screen. Her eyes relax when she sees the picture.

- Thanks, she says before saving it.

She taps on her screen some more and you figure she's setting the image as her wallpaper and adjusting it correctly. You don't know why you're still standing there, should you go and leave her alone after that disaster ? You could go and help the others, go and help Jinseon find something to cover up the volleyball player. You turn on your heels to go elsewhere, not wanting to force your presence on Jihyeon after what happened.

- Don't go, she gently took your arm and pulled you back into the conversation.

You raise an eyebrow, curious as to why she would hold you back. Isn't she a bit shy about what happened earlier ? Because you sure damn are and being in front of her intensifies the shame you feel. You're not the one who zoomed in the picture, but still, she just knows now that you have some kind of interest in her. And it wasn't revealed to her the way you intended to. You wanted something sweet in a serious frame, where she would've known how you truly felt. But that was just messy. The love declaration you dreamed for was stolen and butchered in front of your own eyes by an unlucky turn of event. You're not mad at Jinseon, not at all, it's not her fault she couldn't know you wouldn't unzoom the picture and open your phone just under Jihyeon's gaze.

- How does it look ?

She turns her screen towards you which makes you exit your deep thoughts and land back on earth. You're still looking at your feet but the phone is right there ten centimeters away from your face. You need to react somehow or else you'd feel rude. Should you play it like it never happened and pretend you don’t want to be more than friends ? Give a banal answer and move on to the next thing ? Surely that would be the safest way to get yourself out of this messy situation. Acting the same around her as you always did, acting as friends. You take a peek at her with a smile ready to give the basic answer «looks good», but you’re taken aback by your face staring right at you.

Your eyes did a little dance between the phone and Jihyeon’s face, she’s laughing at your surprise. Did she do this to mock you ? No, the sweet sound of her laugh says otherwise. Besides, she's too kind to tease you about something that clearly embarrassed you. You should stop worrying and enjoy the moment. Live the moment. Her contagious laugh easily gets to you, joining in to the happy noises and letting your heart relax and float in that nice feeling for a bit isn't hard. Should you talk ? You don’t think you have the words to tell Jihyeon the truth, she most probably figured it out by herself anyways. With that picture revealed, your red cheeks, your shyness and everything. All the worries in your mind just fly away like a bunch of butterflies set free. You feel lighter, more calm, you had nothing to worry about in the end.

- You should do the same, that way we’ll match, she pointed at your phone.

- You want me to put you as my wallpaper ? you let out another small laugh.

- Why not ? I just put you in mine.

You roll your eyes, now more amused than ashamed by the situation. You zoom into the picture again until you can only see Jihyeon and set this beautiful sight as your home wallpaper. That way it feels a bit more confidential, a bit more between the both of you. People usually only see your lock screen, so this zoomed in image is just for you to gaze upon. Being greeted by Jihyeon's face every time you enter your phone passcode sounds fantastic.

She stared at your screen during the whole process, that smile not leaving her lips. You could just melt and become a puddle on the floor. It sounds weird to say that just after barely surviving being burnt and melted by acid, but the words describe your state of mind just fine.

- I should probably take another picture when you're more dressed, this feels a little too personal, you say looking at the shirtless Jihyeon on your screen

- Doesn't matter, I look good in it don't I ? asked the tall girl not detaching her gaze from the screen.

- Of course you do, you always do, you almost whisper with an inaudible laugh leaving your lips as only silent air.

You looked into each other's eyes for a couple of seconds. Eye contacts were never something you wanted to experience everyday, but this time it wasn't unpleasant. You could swear she was closing in a bit and that your dreams were coming true. Jihyeon, you, kissing ? Was it possible ? It seemed like it.

- Jihyeon, found this…thing for you, said Hana while holding a gray jacket.

The moment was instantly broken, your bubble popped, your little world squished under a shoe. The magic of the moment evaporated in thin air. It wasn't you and Jihyeon anymore, it was you and her and your classmates.

- Coming ! answered your crush barely turning her head away from you.

She leaned a bit and kissed the top of your head quickly before leaving towards Hana, hands in her pockets. You blushed uncontrollably for ten solid seconds with your feet glued to that spot on the floor before Jinseon waved a hand before your eyes.

- Anyone in there ? Hello ? she jokingly asked which earned herself a little slap on the shoulder, nothing painful.

- Yes Jinseon, what is it ?

She pointed at Jihyeon dressed up in that little jacket. It doesn't seem to close at the front, but it's best if she covers her body. Arms and back are better than nothing.

- So…you two, can I understand it's official?

- I don't know, maybe ? We didn't talk about it just…went with the flow I guess.

Jinseon gave you an understanding smile before going back to whatever she was doing before. It just went with the flow…maybe it's better to wait. This isn't the kind of situation in which you want to officialise something. It's an understanding between you both that there is something to discuss and explore, you don't want to miss on that. So while still looking at Jihyeon's happy smile, you make yourself a promise. You'll escape this place with Jihyeon no matter what it takes, you'll escape with her and all your friends. You won't leave anyone behind and you will all go and eat together a well deserved meal. You'll be happy and with Jihyeon, you already know the setting in which you want to exchange your first kiss with the girl.

Filled with a new determination, you join in your group exiting the science lab. You'll definitely live to see another day, you'll live to see your whole life.

#surviving romance #fem!reader #female x female #fluff #safe for work #sweet

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bludhavents · 3 years

Text

things that each greaser struggles with:

these are mostly headcanons i came up with. also, this gets pretty angsty.

content warning: alcoholism, addiction, anxiety.

darry:

- maturity. he thinks everybody looks at him like the “dad” of the group instead of just another friend, and he loathes it. he misses whenever he was able to skip work to catch a movie at the drive-in or take ponyboy and sodapop up to the dingo for lunch.

- accidental intimidation. his build is very large and strong, which is good for his job and for when he’s actually trying to, well, intimidate people, but other than that it just makes him feel guilty for being so unapproachable.

- relationships. specifically, darry is very insecure in his relationship with pony. he especially hates it whenever pony dogs on him for forgetting things or accusing him of not caring.

- emotional intelligence. he knows he comes across as cold. and he hates it. he has lots of emotions and he doesn’t air them out in a healthy way, so he tries his best to cut all the emotions off altogether in hopes that the negativity will stop, but it just makes him feel even more insecure.

- social skills. in high school, it was all much easier for him, but now that he’s working full-time and running the household, he’s fallen majorly behind in the social scene. he never goes out to the drive-in or to the dingo, and at first it was because he was too busy, but now, even if he doesn’t have a shift, he’ll make up some excuse because he’s too nervous to go and have to talk to people again since he feels like he’s gonna mess up.

- identity. darry was just starting to feel comfortable in himself and in his role in the world right before his parents died, and when they did, he stopped trying to figure out what made him happy. it has made him insecure of the emotional stint that is centered around his ego and sense of self.

sodapop:

- smarts. it’s canon that he’s insecure about this.

- growing up. while everybody else moves on to new things and grows up, he feels like he’s stuck in the same place watching everybody else progress while he stays behind. this was especially true after sandy left, because marrying her was going to be this huge exciting step in his life and when she left, he didn’t have that fulfillment anymore.

- reassurance. he feels a constant need for approval, and he will take it wherever he can get it. there’s a sort of pride he gets whenever he sees a girl checking him out, but there’s a deeper feeling telling him that she’s gonna run away once she finds out about how ‘stupid’ he is.

- authority. soda has a really hard time talking to people who are in a position of power. he gets all nervous and his hands get sweaty and his face goes sheet white in panic. his charm and social skill is enough to satisfy a conversation with a person his age, but he feels silly trying to be confident in front of an adult. he feels like they look down on him and will laugh.

- fatherhood. he’s very insecure about having a family in the future. he feels like he never appreciated his dad’s skilled parenting while he could, and since then darry has been a sort of fatherly figure in the house, but it’s hard for soda to see it that way. he grew up for 16 years with darry as a big brother and for him to suddenly be forced into a father role is troubling for soda. because of this complicated dynamic between soda and fatherhood, he feels like he won’t be able to be the best father possible for his children.

- legs. he hates his legs. you will never see soda in a pair of shorts, not even when he’s swimming. he doesn’t like the way they’re shaped and thinks that they make the rest of his body look odd, so he wears loose jeans to hide them. he’s also embarrassed of being embarrassed about them, so nobody knows, not even steve.

dallas:

- emotional intelligence. his lack of emotional intelligence is something he battles with a lot. he understands what people are feeling, but he has a hard time understanding why they feel that way. he says it’s because he’s too tuff to deal with emotions, but deep down he knows it’s because he was thrust into a traumatic childhood so early on that he never had time to build emotional bonds with people that would strengthen his empathy and understanding.

- his past, another canon take. he hates talking about it, even the good stuff, because when he thinks about new york all he can picture is 10 year old dallas watching a man being covered in a white sheet by the paramedics on the side of the road. he thinks about his friends from there and knows they’re all either locked up or dead, and it ruins any enjoyment he gets from reminiscing on the good times.

- health. he definitely has crohn’s or IBS or something else that makes his stomach hurt whenever he eats, and it embarrasses him to no end. he’s always anxious that his stomach is going to start hurting when he’s with the gang and is going to have to find some excuse to leave. he smokes so much while he’s out with them to keep from getting hungry until he gets back to buck’s place.

- his friendships. the shepherd gang is close-knit. then, the curtis’ are brothers, steve has known them forever, and two-bit is outgoing enough to make himself fit in to the group. johnny is the closest person dallas relates to, and it’s the friendship hes the most secure in.

- his smile. he knows smoking ruins his teeth, and he knows they’re crooked all over, and he knows that when he smiles his lips crack and stretch out.

johnny:

- his appearance, canon insecurity. he looks young for his age, and when the gang found him in the lot after he was beaten by Socs, they all started treating him like he was young too. he didn’t think the scar on his face was tuff, it just reminded him of being attacked.

- his voice. this is less about how it sounds and more about him not being able to speak over the shouting at home. he hates yelling, and he won’t stand in to speak up for him cause he’s too afraid of being told to “stop yelling”.

- being average. johnny feels painfully average in everything he does. he’s tried to find a skill that he truly loves and wants to take time to be good at, but he always gets frustrated and quits before he can improve.

- romance. almost every aspect of it terrifies johnny. he doesn’t know what a healthy marriage looks like, what he does know was from Mr and Mrs Curtis, but seeing them die together warped his sense of love. he doesn’t understand why you would want to love somebody so much if you didn’t have to. he doesn’t like the “til death do us part” aspect of marriage, because it makes him feel trapped. he’s not afraid of commitment, he’s afraid that he will end up in a marriage like his parents’ and not be able to leave.

two-bit:

- alcoholism. he’s an alcoholic and he knows it, but he’s been stuck in the vicious cycle of addiction for such a long time that the only way he knows how to cope with the emotional baggage of addiction is to drink more.

- social awareness. as of now, he’s very self-aware and extremely skilled in reading a room, but he didn’t used to be. he used to crack jokes at the wrong time and get scolded for it, and it made him feel horrible. like he wasn’t able to experience all the same sad feelings as everybody else because they reacted differently to the sadness than he did. they wanted to process the sadness while he wanted to ignore it.

- being absent at home. he knows he spends the majority of time at the curtis house, and he also knows that his mother spends the majority of her time at work, which leaves his little sister at home alone. he has a good relationship with her, but he doesn’t like for her to see him drunk, and as his alcoholism progresses, that gets to be more and more often. he knows this, and it’s one of the main reasons he’s so insecure about his addiction, because she’s the one who let him know that it wasn’t a one-way street. his problem affected him and her.

- commitment. two-bit is young, but he feels old enough to know how relationships work. he saw his dad walk out on them, and he was never able to process how you could go from marrying someone to leaving and never looking back. at first, he thought that his dad was just a selfish jerk, but when he met johnny and saw that his parents were also married and simultaneously abusive, he convinced himself that all marriages were bound to end up that way. he believes that if the curtis’ lived longer, they would have eventually gotten bitter and tired of each other, because in his mind, that’s just what couples do.

ponyboy:

- confidence. he has a lot of insecurities, and they’re shared pretty evenly between physical and non physical. he doesn’t like his body or his eyes. he doesn’t like how impulsive and dramatic he is.

- security. not in himself, but in life. he’s permanently on edge, feeling anxious about who’s going to be around the corner and what would happen if he got jumped and how many Socs he’d be able to fight off in case anything happened. his parents’ sudden deaths did not help this. he feels like life is constantly tossing him around, and he never feels completely safe.

- emotional outbursts. this isn’t exclusive to ponyboy, but he struggles with it the most. he hates getting upset with people, and he hates hurting other people’s feelings. when he’s feeling too many things, he starts to speak without a filter and gets mad at the littlest things, and he knows that it makes everybody around him feel bad.

- fitting in. in contrast to johnny’s insecurity, ponyboy wants nothing more than to fit in. he’s tired of being the only greaser in his classes, he’s tired of his isolated taste in movies and theatre, he’s tired of being a track star, and he’s tired of all the pressure put on him since he isn’t average.

steve

- masculinity. his dad always enforces an unrealistic standard of being strong, independent, and logical. steve is inherently all of these things, but the pressure he feels to keep it up weighs him down.

- comparing himself to others. it started in middle school when he noticed all of the people liked sodapop more. from then on he couldn’t help but feel like soda was more attractive and charming, darry was stronger and smarter, two-bit was funnier and cooler, dallas was tougher and unbothered, johnny was more likeable and down-to-earth, and ponyboy was more creative and well spoken.

- addiction. there was a time in steve’s life where he was getting high every day. at first it was fun, but then he had to quit track because he wasn’t as athletic as he used to be. it ruined his health and motivation. he started working on cars more to keep himself busy, and it helped a lot, even got him a job.

- hyperindependence. steve’s biggest character flaw is that he can’t ask for help. whether it’s asking for help in school or asking for soda to hand him a tool in the garage, steve can’t bring himself to do ask. it makes him feel like he’s not good enough to do it on his own.

#the outsiders #steve randle #the outsiders headcanons #dallas winston #dally winston #ponyboy curtis #ponyboy x reader #steve randle x reader #dallas winston x reader #johnny cade #johnny cade x reader #two bit mathews x reader #two bit mathews #sodapop curtis x reader #sodapop curtis #darry curtis

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luveline · 3 years

Text

you know, I'm coming right back [Fred Weasley x Reader]

summary: you're a lonely artist and Fred is your adoring model

word count: 2.4k

tags: reader insert, lonely reader, artist reader, seventh year, kids in love, first kiss, getting together, pining, fluff, friends-to-lovers

It was easy for you, usually, to act fine. To feel fine. Any loneliness that clouded your life was pushed firmly into the depths of your thoughts. You tried to focus on the things that mattered, essays and charms and your art.

You loved to draw. You had sketchbooks filled to the brim with sketches, some half finished, others coloured and lined. You drew everything, though you struggled to bring anything from your memory. Everything you drew had to be done right there, right then, with unsuspecting models. You sketched students eating their dinner, scribbled side profiles when you managed a spare minute in class. But you're most impressive artwork was done in the library, where nothing moved. Everyone was silent. You had pages and pages of bored, tired looking students. When exams approached, you hurriedly copied down the expressions of people on the edge of depression and panic.

You had friends, ish. You knew people. You'd had intense friendships that somehow always ended in awkward drifting aparts. Well, you thought. There must be something wrong with me. They liked me before they didn't, so the fault must've been mine.

You huffed out a sigh, pressing your face deep into the textured page of your sketch book, breathing in the smell of charcoal. You were sketching the illusive Fred Weasley, who you'd never truly drawn before. Maybe you had scraps from your second or third year when you'd still attempted to draw moving objects before getting comfortable and accepting that still life was your forte.

He was maddeningly good lucking when his eyebrows puckered in concentration. He seemed to actually be studying for once, sat at a table with his brother, George, and housemates Angelina Johnson and Alicia Spinnet.

You were sat by yourself, and couldn't help listening to his lilting voice as he bantered with his friends. They were talking about Umbridge (the current victim of the Hogwarts' student body hate train), and quidditch, and their recent ban from quidditch. You'd never played.

"Watch out, dolly fell asleep," said one of the girls.

You bit your lip. You'd been nicknamed dolly by the girls in your dorm because of your porcelain doll you'd had since childhood. Even though this year was your last, you still hadn't felt the need to hide her away. She made you feel much less anxious and alone.

The whole school knew, naturally.

"Don't get any funny ideas," said Angelina, to the twins.

"Come on Angie, you think so little of us?" said George.

"Yesterday I watched you trick a group of forth years into taking puking pastilles." Angelina said.

"It was hardly a trick. We told them they were multi-faceted," said George.

You could hear your heartbeat if you focused. It was in your ears. It bump, bump, bumped.

Bump bump. You flinched, a hand settled on your shoulder quickly moved.

"Wake up, dolly. Library's closing."

You squinted up into Fred's face, head halo'd by candlelight. Lifting your head from the wooden table, you stretched your neck to the left. It clicked.

"Uh..."

"Hmm?" You prompted him, smoothing your hair behind your ears.

"You have - dirt. On your face. Here-" He said, reaching forward. You closed your eyes as he gently wiped the skin above your eyebrow.

"It's charcoal."

"What?"

"It's not dirt," you said, peaking at him through your eyelashes. "It's charcoal."

He looked mildly surprised. You shifted, hoping to cover your sketch before he caught sight of it.

It didn't matter.

"It's me. My gorgeous dolly, you've created quite the masterpiece right there, haven't you? I look vexingly handsome, of course. Thought if that's a consequence of your skill or my handsomeness is anyones guess."

You were lost for words. "Uh, quite."

"Yes, yes, quite. Say, could I keep it?"

"... You want the drawing?"

"I'd love it, if that's okay."

"I," you quickly dug your thumbnail into the paper, tearing carefully at the centre. The paper came away a little ragged and smudged. "Of course. It's yours."

He handled it with care.

The librarian jingled her little bell again.

"Thank you. So, see you?"

"Yep," you agreed.

He nodded his head and bowed out with his friends. You tried not to feel paranoid at their laughter.

You were curled up in a hidden alcove, though it was hardly hidden. Most students knew where to seek privacy in the castle. You just so happened to get there first that evening.

You were trying to sketch Fred again. It felt weird to be missing a page from your book, and weirder still that you couldn't remember his face when he wasn't right in front of you. You tried, but it kept going wrong.

When you finally managed one you liked well enough, you had accidentally ruined it with a heavy hand and the wrong shade of brown.

He looked much too brunette.

You carefully rolled your coloured pencils back up, securing the leather ties tightly so as to keep every pencil confined.

Sighing morosely, you flipped to a new page. Things got so complicated sometimes, it made you agitated. You doodled a little sad face in the corner of your page. When the one thing that you enjoyed in life started to go wrong, it set off your whole mood.

Your birthday was coming up. It had been on your mind a lot lately. You'd spend it alone. That's what you figured. Nobody would know it was your birthday, or if they did, you weren't friends now, so...

You began with an arching circle, bisecting the lines appropriately. Feeling out the familiar lines of your own face came easy, the slight upper tilt of your brows, your hair and your pursed mouth. You always looked sad in the mirror, and it showed, dotted here and there when the only thing to draw was your own face.

The rudimentary outline of a birthday cake took form. The candles were unlit.

In a fit of unhappiness, you scratched out your mouth. It was never smiling.

"What did that piece of paper ever do to you?" said a voice.

You jumped. Fred was peering down at you curiously, wringing his hands. You put your pencil between the soft cover and smashed it flat, closed.

"Hi, dolly."

"Weasley."

"Oh, not even a first name?"

"You neglected mine first," you reasoned, rolling the words. He smiled at your joking tone.

"How rude of me. Hi, Y/N," he corrected himself.

"Hi, Weasley."

He smirked.

"Anymore of me in that blessed vessel?"

"Nah. You never stand still."

"If I pose for it?" He asked. You patted the ground in front of you.

He was a lovely model. He stayed infinitely still, more still than you imagined possible for him. He sat at a 3/4ths angle, chin up but not too far, mouth tilted and eyes open.

His eyes were the one thing he couldn't keep still. You tried not to flame in the cheeks everything you'd catch his gaze on you.

You sketched fast, choosing to hatch rather than render, big swooping lines to give the illusion of a depth that wasn't really there. You would've loved to do a full render, maybe even a colour portrait, but he was beginning to look a little antsy.

You set the book on the floor to face him and pushed it into his eyesight softlt. He turned. He looked nice like that, face bent, hair falling into his eyes.

After a moment, he began scrounging through his robe pockets. He set down a box, a lighter, a pair of gloves.

Finally, he set a galleon onto the floor close to your crossed legs.

"For you," he said, smiling at your inquisitive look. "For the drawing."

"Oh, I can't accept that. And I'd like to keep this one, if it's alright."

Fred thought for a moment. "Alright, you keep it. And the galleon, too, for the one you gave me the other day."

You bit back a smile. "I can't take your money, Fred."

"I can't keep having you draw me for free. It's as valuable a service as anything else. Plus, I'm not sure if you know, but I run a lucrative business these days."

You picked up the coin, rubbing your thumb against the engravings thoughtfully. "It's hardly a service."

"A talent, then. A skill. You're very good."

You're neck almost snapped as you looked into his face, wanting to assess his expression for genuineness. He looked earnest, and kind. You blinked away the gathering heat behind your eyes.

"Thank you."

He waved a hand at you. "Think nothing of it."

"Really-" you cleared your throat, "-you're doing me a favour. I'm not good at drawing things that move."

"I'm sure you're better than you think," he said.

You shook your head, smiling smiling smiling.

"What's in the box?"

"Oh, this old thing?" Fred weighed the box in his hands. It was soft at the corners, like a simple jewelry box that you had in your trunk. He offered it to you. You opened it carefully, the lid sliding free with a shhhhh sound. Inside was an evil looking fruit pastille, a match stick and a dried up flower petal.

It felt like a very private thing to see, suddenly. Such an eclectic collection of items couldn't be random.

"The first puking pastille George and I made. Or rather, the second - the first was forcibly fed to Lee Jordan in our third year. The match stick is from my Uncle's matchbox. I never met him. And the flower was from Ginny, when she was 9." He sounded nervous.

"It's a memory box."

"I- yes. It is. Things are sometimes so miserable now, with Umbridge and you-know-who. Scary, even. I look at them when I feel like it won't ever end."

You took them in for a little while longer and then placed the lid onto the box with nimble fingers. You scratched the lid with a fingernail.

"It's nice. You're right. Things are so awful right now, it's good to have reminders of why we keep going."

"Exaclty. Dolly, can I interest you in a fruit pastille?"

"Not on your life."

"They're perfectly edible!"

"Sure, Fred."

The honest conversation you'd shared with Fred was a catalyst between you. He often came to find you, each time whining and nagging you to just sit in the library like most people do.

"What, so your housemates can throw paper balls at me?"

"They thought you were sleeping!"

A likely story, you thought. He sometimes asked you to draw him, posing with the elegance of a natural born model. It was great for you personally, you felt that you were really getting a feel for his face. Eventually, you were able to draw his face from memory, the details of his nose coming to your fingers as easily as a first year spell.

It became about capturing emotion. You could capture his likeness now without a second thought, but his emotions were much more complicated. How would you show his veiled frustration the day Umbridge kicked him off the quidditch team? Through the clenching of his jaw? The shy veins in his forehead? How did you showcase the fear when he'd come back to Hogwarts after Christmas break, through his eyes, downturned and squinting just a little?

Today, it was poorly hidden elation. "How come you're so happy?" You asked, pencil between your teeth. He grinned. You measured his face with your thumb in the air, forming an L.

"Is it a prank?"

"You're thinking too small."

"A new product?"

"Still need to go bigger!"

"Hmmm," you hummed. Measure twice, cut once. Or in your case, sketch once.

"George and I, we're gonna open a shop."

"A section at Zonko's isn't enough for you?" You asked, casually, though you were very very happy for him.

"It's going to be amazing. We're going to run it, just the two of us, and you won't catch me in these scrappy long sleeves anymore. The next time you see me, I'll be in a full suit and tie."

"The next time? Is that not tomorrow?"

Fred closed his mouth, realising his mistake. He had revealed something he hadn't intended to. "We're leaving," he confessed. "We were going to wait for our NEWTs but... Well, we won't need them. This is going to work."

"So. You're leaving today?" You asked, crestfallen.

"Hey," Fred said, rubbing a placating hand over the curve of your shoulder. "Tomorrow. During the DADA OWL. We have a plan."

"This is goodbye?"

"No! No. Not if you don't want it to be. Actually, I've been meaning to ask you something, and maybe now isn't the best time, I had this whole letter planned and I didn't want to distract you from your exams and-"

"What do you want to ask me?"

Fred straightened. "I wanted to ask - will you go out with me? Not, you don't have to be my girlfriend if it's too soon, I'd love to take you for food someplace, I was going to ask you to Hogsmeade, but when the shop officially became ours, the plans changed so fast and I didn't know if you'd still want-" you cut off his rambling.

"I'll be your girlfriend," you said.

"You will?"

"Sure, if you'll be my boyfriend," you murmured.

Fred moved the arm that had been on your shoulder to the nape of your neck. "That's a dealbreaker," he said, leaning in.

He kissed you chastely on the lips first and then pulled back to look into your face. You chased him, a moment of bravery, and opened your mouth to taste him. He was sweet, like sugar. Your sketch pad crinkled beneath you both as he pressed forward. Your chests touched, heaving.

"You're not gonna be my boyfriend?" You asked against his mouth, breathing hard.

"I'm gonna be much more than that, dolly," he said heatedly.

Your mouth was tingling. "Kiss me again?"

You gasped at the force of him, laughing. He laughed too against your lips, and the sound tickled. He gave you a multitude of short and sweet kisses before pulling away again.

He wiped the wetness from your lip with his pinky finger. "Godric, you're cute. Look how flushed you are! You're insane."

Something churned in your stomach. The butterflies had acquired a trampoline. You felt happier than you had in a very long time. "You're not half-bad yourself, Weasley."

#listened to boyfriend by big time rush while writing hahaha #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley imagine #fred weasley fanfic #fred weasley #fred #fred weasly x reader #sad reader #reader insert #artist reader #fred weasley fluff #sorry for the big blocks of text tumblr has a 250 paragraph limit #why woukd they do that

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fruggo · 3 years

Text

the boys x tough f!reader (part 2)

requested by : @dranonymous

i love this idea and i hope you all enjoy part two! :D here’s part 1 with the original request.

warnings: swearing, canon-typical violence, dwight is really cute, danny is an asshole, jake is that cute “stoic man who is actually caring and thoughtful” trope because i say so

𝐃𝐖𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 𝐅𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐅𝐈𝐄𝐋𝐃

you are so cool. like ,,,,,so cool

dwight admires you so much. you just got here and yet you are breaking pyramid head’s ankles—dodging his trail of torment left and right, the killer just can’t touch you.

and how did you feel about everything? terrified, honestly, but nobody would ever be able to tell because you didn’t let it get to you. it was like you had already been here before, because the second you learned how to do something, you had it down no problem. fixing generators came naturally, and you could also run the killer for the whole trial if you had to. teammates could easily rely on you to do whatever needed to be done.

that was what made you and dwight such a powerful duo. from the moment you met, you knew you felt comfortable around this guy. he was sweet, maybe a little timid sometimes, but he knew how to step up and be a leader for everyone despite his fears.

you both knew what to do, and you fit together like a glove. your minds worked in very similar ways, which made communicating that much easier and efficient; the second a decision needed to be made, dwight was on top of it, encouraging the teammates and helping them get on their feet. you were already ahead of them, so dwight would just nod to you, knowing you could do your job well.

of course, there were times when dwight’s anxiety got the better of him, and you had to be the one encouraging him.

dwight hated the hag. despised her. he could not stand her jumpscares when a trap was triggered, he would swear he was about to have a heart attack. he couldn’t admit this at first, but you figured it out when feng min was hooked and dwight stuck to the generator, nervously glancing over his shoulder every few seconds. he always went for the saves, so something was obviously wrong.

“dwight? why don’t you go save her?” you asked, eyeing him from your side of the generator.

he didn’t respond, looking over his shoulder again.

you decided to rescue min, but when you got back, you were going to chew dwight out until he gave you a straight answer.

you crawled up to the hook to avoid triggering a trap and gently lowered min to the ground. the two of you inched away carefully until you were far enough away to patch her wound.

“dwight, get off your ass and answer me,” you demanded (affectionately) once you were back at the generator, which was nearly finished. “what’s wrong?”

his eyes conveyed nervousness in every sense of the word; they darted all around, searching for any incoming danger. this was your first time seeing him like this, so you were confused. was he alright?

“it’s just…the hag,” he started, still fiddling with the wires. “her traps, i can’t…”

oh. was he anxious about the traps?

“i just can’t deal with them,” he finally said with difficulty. that was understandable; when they caught you off guard it definitely made you leap out of your skin.

“dwight, listen,” you said. “you’ve dealt with every other killer in this realm, haven’t you? you’ve bested the nurse, the huntress, micky myers, and even the spirit, who’s a bitch. i know hag’s traps are fucking terrifying, but you’re dwight! you are a leader, and you are good at being a leader. you can get out of here, i promise. and besides, with me here, you have nothing to worry about. i’ll kick that witch’s ass, got it?”

your very inspirational speech got him to smile. you were right, anyways—you could definitely kick the hag’s ass. what could go wrong?

nothing, actually. genuinely nothing went wrong. you took chase for the rest of the trial so that dwight didn’t have to worry about a thing, and everybody escaped with no problem. he didn’t understand how you were so good at evading capture—but perhaps you would tell him about your past eventually. you hadn’t yet decided.

back at the campfire, you and dwight comfortably sat side-by-side, patiently waiting until your next trials.

“thanks,” he said.

“for what?”

“for that very motivational speech you gave me,” he laughed.

you wiped imaginary dust off of your shoulder, giving him a confident smile. “i got your back. and man, that hag lady really is a bitch, huh? i can see why you hate her.”

that comment unintentionally caused one of dwight’s long, angry rants about his least favorite killer, and all you could do was watch him and listen with a soft grin on your lips. you’d never seen him angry before—it was adorable. made you wonder if you should just piss him off for fun sometimes.

𝐉𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊

this guy has hella respect for you

you’re independent and easy to teach, and that’s everything he could ask for.

now and then, the other survivors basically gave newbies to jake to teach them everything about the realm—they considered him the expert on all things survival. you were one of those newbies he was forced to take care of.

jake normally hated teaching new survivors more than anything, because it was never his choice and they were all so difficult. but you were different. you were responsible, reliable, and smart, and it made his job so much easier. as time went on, he grew to be quite fond of you.

word eventually got out that the new girl had managed to charm jake out of his “hermit ways,” but he insisted that it was not true (he also disagreed about the “hermit ways” part). it was never spoken of between the two of you, but it definitely floated around in the air waiting to be addressed.

it really couldn’t be ignored any longer. anytime you were seen anywhere within 24 feet of each other, the other survivors would give you looks and wiggle their eyebrows or shoot you a thumbs up—all of which were unwanted. it created a weird tension between you and jake that wasn’t there before, and you really didn’t like it.

you missed when you were first starting out, and jake had just realized how competent you are. those days were fun—he respected you a lot; you could see it in his face when he looked at you. you always knew when he was pleased and when you did stuff right, because he would have the tiniest, most subtle grin on his face, but you could see it, and it made you feel accomplished.

you knew he still respected you, but you had basically jumped the learning curve of the realm and quickly adapted to every killer, every challenge, and every task. how you did it, nobody could ever know. but you were almost sad, because there was kind of no reason for you and jake to spend a lot of time together anymore. if you did, then everybody would freak out for the wrong reasons, and it would ruin your friendship.

so what if you had a few small feelings for him? no one gave a shit—you knew jake probably wouldn’t give a shit. to him, you were just another annoying survivor he was forced to teach. besides, you didn’t have time for that kind of thing.

man, were you wrong, though. he really, really wanted to be around you, but you already knew everything, so he didn’t know what to do to spend time with you. his way of initial bonding was sharing knowledge, but that had already been done, so…what now?

then came the one trial that changed everything.

it was normal at first. the killer, blight, was doing well, so you had to step up your game. one generator was completed and he had 4 hooks on three different people—you were the only one not hooked yet.

he was after you, and you were expertly dodging every rush and swing he threw your way. unfortunately, you accidentally ran to the generator that jake was working on, and things got a little complicated.

when the blight rushed at the wall, then at you, jake ran towards you while you ran towards him—you were both looking over your shoulders—and alas, bonk. you crashed into each other.

oh, no!! how terrible!! looks like jake fell on top of you :/ what an unfortunate situation to be in /s /s /s /s /s

wowwww near proximity ! you’d never been so close before and it was awkward but nice (?)

then you remembered there was a crazy drug addict or whatever over there and he was chasing you, and the moment was ruined. jake quickly rose and pulled you up with him, and you went in opposite directions, both nervous and wide-eyed now.

lol

after that, the trial went quite south. everybody was sacrificed. perhaps the loss could be partly attributed to you and jake avoiding each other like the plague. but who knows, right?

back at the campfire, you began feeling overwhelmed by all the weird stuff happening lately, so you excused yourself to the edge of the woods to have some quiet time to yourself. a few minutes later, jake came to check on you bc he is a fucking gentleman and yes i will die for the “stoic man who is actually caring and thoughtful” trope. fuck you

it’s slightly awkward at first, but then you start talking like normal and things feel a lot better. a little bit of the tension eases away, but not completely. what the fuck do you do with feelings like this?????

you simply composed yourself as best you could. it would have to do.

now that you felt a little more normal (lie), you trekked back to the campfire to wait for your next trials side-by-side. there was no one you felt more comfortable with or more respected by than jake. he appreciated you for your competency, and that was one of the best things you could ask for.

and to your surprise, jake actually took your hand and laced your fingers with his own. and it felt nice. never in your existence would you have thought he would be okay with displaying public affection, but you smiled up at him and gave his hand a light squeeze.

maybe the entity gave him drugs.

or he just liked you that much. either one would make sense.

𝐃𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐘 𝐉𝐎𝐇𝐍𝐒𝐎𝐍

danny hated you. he really did.

you were so unbothered, so calm, so good at knowing what to do. it really pissed him off.

you got so much attention from the other survivors for your skill and that really pissed him off too. it’s not like you cared or wanted it or anything, but how dare they even touch you when you so clearly belonged to danny?

…who knows wtf that even means. so anyways-

when you realized how much time danny spent chasing you in trials when he should have been patrolling generators, you began to get suspicious. especially when he would take you to the hatch and then close it in your face, watching you die to the entity. he obviously had some kind of beef with you.

you were determined to find out what he had against you, so you began to tease him a bit in chases. your favorite and most frequent phrase was something like, "can't catch me? lil baby man? lil baby? lil baby man gonna cry?" you were really testing your luck with that one, and that's why you loved it.

once, you told him his fly was down, and he actually fell for it, making you nearly keel over in laughter. you got moried without even being hooked after that.

despite the horrors that frequented this place, you were never in a crisis about it. you simply learned what had to be done, and then you did it, much to the chagrin of danny. you had skipped the big "useless baby survivor" phase, and that one was his favorite :( he loved trials with new survivors because it was so easy and fun!

but alas, from the beginning, you were always on top of things, always slamming pallets onto his head or saving teammates with a flashlight.

oh, don't even get him started on your flashlight usage. you were the absolute worst to go against--every pallet stun, boom: danny's eyes fucking burned out. every time he picks up a survivor, boom: danny's eyes fucking burned out. you were a bitch with that item.

he finally began to get so fed up with your behavior that he decided you must be taught a lesson. somehow, countless mori and tunneling and camping incidents had not even managed to bother you. you literally did not care. but he had something different in mind this time.

the realm was haddonfield, of course. all of the killers despised this map, and for good reason--you ran danny around the entire neighborhood for three generators. did he have to chase you? no. but he needed to for himself.

he finally caught you in a dead zone, rejoicing to himself as you fell to the ground in defeat. "wow, that was a good chase," you mumbled under your breath, feeling accomplished. one of your best against danny, probably.

you were expecting him to pick you up, but instead he snatched the flashlight from your grasp and chucked it as far away as he could. and before you could protest, he pulled you up to stand again and yanked you towards himself, gripping your wrists so tightly you swore it left bruises.

"what's wrong...lil baby man?" you said with a pout, trying not to laugh. "is baby man angry?"

you were slightly scared if you were being honest, but you couldn't let him know that.

danny sighed. you really didn't know when to stop, did you?

"bitch," he spat, voice dangerously quiet. "cut that shit out."

"what shit?"

he squeezed your arms tighter, provoking an "okay, okay, i get it!" from you.

"do you?"

"sure. what's the worst you could possibly do to me anyways?" after those words left your mouth, you got a weird feeling that the killer was smiling behind his mask.

"listen, uhh, danny, is it?" you said, putting as much nonchalance into your voice as you could. "i just wanna know why you hate me so much. remember that time you closed the hatch in my face? the fuck was that for?"

he frowned at the use of his name but responded regardless, "you're a little bitch, and you deserved that."

you gasped dramatically, feigning offense. "ouch. that one hurt."

"i can make you hurt a lot more," he said darkly. you probably should have been scared, but you just really couldn't take him seriously.

so you laughed. it shouldn't have been funny, but it just was and now you couldn't stop. "you're just--you--i can't--" you wheezed, shaking from the laughter. "i'm sorry, it's really not funny."

danny didn't understand you. anybody else would have been sobbing if he so much as touched them, and here you were acting like it was a joke.

what could he do if you truly were not afraid of him?

perhaps it was time to let it go.

while his guard was down, suddenly you reached above his head and plucked his mask off, revealing his face and continuing your bouts of laughter at his shocked expression.

you threw the mask in the same direction as the flashlight, composing yourself and putting your hands on your hips. "you look pretty nice," you said, nodding.

wow. what the hell was danny supposed to do with you? perhaps the only completely unbothered, completely unserious survivor? he knew you were smart, and you knew what you were doing. he didn't even want to kill you anymore, you were just that fascinating.

that trial ended in you standing at the exit gate, your finger and your thumb in the shape of an L on your forehead. danny couldn’t care less at this point--he was done with your shit. but somehow he still liked you, and this definitely would not be the last time you saw him without his mask.

#requests #fruggo writes #dead by daylight #dbd #dbd x reader #jake park x reader #jake park #danny johnson x reader #ghostface x reader #dwight fairfield #dwight fairfield x reader #dead by daylight x reader #dbd headcanons

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skiesofthesketchy · 3 years

Note

36, 60, and 71, if you can combine prompts for one request! was thinking like an accident happens, and jj’s freaking out, but there’s a happy ending obviously. If you only want 1 prompt, let’s go with 60 :)

congrats on 1k lovely!! you deserve it, and keep up all your amazing work ❤️

thanks for the request!! i kinda went in a different direction but i hope you like this! :)

masterlist

1k celebration blurbs

60. So I accidentally told her that I loved her. What do I do?

71. I didn't know how to tell you [before].

***

“Shit, shit, shit,” JJ murmured under his breath. His thoughts were running wild but he couldn’t process a single one of them. The confident and easy-going pogue had turned into a nervous mess, and he had nobody to blame but himself.

“JB, you better fucking answer,” he panted into his cellphone that was pressed to his face. He waited impatiently as he heard the ringing in his ear, all while basically running in the direction of the Chateau.

Right as JJ was about to hang up and try again, his best friend John B. finally picked up.

“Hey, what’s up, man? Are you coming by later? Pope and Kie are already here and we got the beer--”

“JB, I fucked up. I fucked up, I fucked up, I fucked up.”

“Woah, JJ, relax. What happened?” John B. immediately had a thousand different ideas of the trouble his friend could be in and ultimately assumed the worst. He had stopped everything to listen intently to JJ on the phone.

JJ sighed, still feeling like he wasn’t in complete control of his body. “JJ. What is it?” John B. asked again. He was getting more scared by the second about what could possibly be wrong. Did JJ do something to his dad? Is he running from the cops again?

“I accidentally told her that I love her. What the fuck do I do?” His tone was desperate, eyebrows creased in worry. He needed his best friend to tell him what to do.

JJ was a quick thinker, always able to escape trouble when he needed to. But this was different. Years of friendship out the window. He was convinced he had just ruined everything and that you would never want to see him again.

John B., of course, knew exactly who JJ was referring to. JJ only ever had feelings for you. Even with the string of random girls coming and leaving JJ’s bedroom, nobody compared to you.

Much to JJ’s dismay, he could hear his friend’s booming laughter through the phone. “Hey man, that’s great! Good for you,” John B. laughed. He was relieved that it wasn’t something actually bad, and was thankful JJ’s situation was amusing instead.

“It’s not great, and it’s definitely not funny,” JJ grumbled. “Can you be serious for a second? My life just blew up in my face and it’s my own damn fault.”

“Hey, seriously, you need to relax. Did she actually reject you?” John B. asked carefully.

“She would have if I would’ve stuck around to hear it.”

“What does that mean?”

“I ran away, okay?!” JJ yelled. “I got the hell out of there before she could even say anything.” Yep, he wanted to punch himself in the face for that. But he didn’t mean to spill his feelings all over you. It was all just a huge mistake.

It was something that couldn’t be helped, though. There you were, standing on the beach looking as beautiful as always. Your hair blew softly in the breeze as the golden sun gave your figure a gracious glow. The sight of you was enough to knock the air right out of JJ’s lungs.

Your smile lit up your pretty face as you told your good friend JJ all about the guy you were going on a date with tonight. The handsome stranger had been charming, and you had to admit you were a bit smitten. Not many guys have had the courage to walk up to you to ask you out.

JJ could tell you were excited, but a burning jealousy seeped into his bones. He willed himself to keep his mouth shut, but JJ had never been the best at self-control.

“I don’t think you should go out with this guy,” he said.

You looked at him confused. “Why not?”

He sighed, already kicking himself for speaking up. “Y/N, you don’t know him. He could be a murderer. He could be an asshole just wanting to get laid.” He was prepared to go on, but you cut him off.

“JJ, I’m a big girl. I can handle myself.” You couldn’t read him. You were used to JJ being protective, but he was acting strange. You could tell something else was on his mind but you couldn’t even begin to guess what it was. He couldn’t even look at you.

You grabbed a hold of his hand so that he would look back at you, finding his bright blue eyes clouded in anger? Disappointment? “What is this about?”

“What about for me? Would you ditch this guy for me?” Oh god, he’s already said too much, but it’s too late now. His gaze was fixed on you as you furrowed your brows in confusion.

“I don’t understand...”

“What if I told you I was in love with you?” It felt like the whole world stopped as he waited for your reaction. “Would you ditch him then?”

You didn’t think you heard him right. Did he just say he’s in love with you!? No, you must have water in your ears or something.

The short silence from you was the only answer he needed. With a nod and a frown, he tore himself away from you. “Just forget it,” he grumbled, already marching away.

“JJ, wait!” you called after him. He was already running from the situation and you hardly even had two seconds to process it all. “JJ!”

He didn’t listen to you and continued fleeing as fast as possible, wondering what the hell he had done.

That brings us back to the present. JJ had finally made it to the Chateau. John B. had filled Pope, Kie, and Sarah in on the situation, making JJ’s ears and face burn in embarrassment. At the same time though, he didn’t care what any of them thought. He only cared about you.

What were you calling after him for? What would you have said if JJ hadn’t run away? Do you want him out of your life because he made things weird?? Are you about to fall madly in love with this stupid guy you’re going out with right now???

“JJ, it’s okay. Come sit down and chill,” Kie brought JJ out of his wild imagination for a brief moment. It felt as if his heart was still beating much faster than it should. He felt restless but also like there was nothing he could do to fix any of it.

He only sat down in the hammock because Kiara had dragged him there. JJ felt like he was in a daze, not really paying attention to the world outside of his mind. Pope had handed him a beer and JJ gulped half of it down without even thinking about it. Conversation started up around him but he didn’t hear anything... until someone said your name.

“Oh look, Y/N’s here,” John B. announced, shoving JJ’s shoulder. “And she looks pissed.” JJ whipped his head around quickly and sure enough, there you were, beautiful as always, but fuming and marching right toward him.

“What the fuck, JJ?!” you yelled, making it obvious that you were about to either chew him out or kick his ass.

“Good luck, bud,” John B. whispered to JJ, chuckling under his breath.

“Fuck you,” JJ replied as he watched everyone go inside, leaving him alone to face your wrath. He didn’t know what the fuck to do, how to fix the mistake he made, how to make things not weird between you guys, but holy shit, he didn’t expect that you’d be so angry.

It was like he was watching you in slow motion, feeling every one of your stomps on the ground as you approached him, eyes ablaze and lips pulled into a frown. “What was that back there?” you finally asked, now standing right in front of the boy who looked scared shitless.

“I-- I know, Y/N. I’m sorry! It was a mistake--” he tried to explain rather desperately, but you cut him off.

“You can’t just dump all of that on me and then run away!” JJ finally stood up from the hammock and now towered over you, reaching for your arms without even thinking about it, wanting to make you feel calm.

“I don’t know why I said any of that! It was an accident! I'm sorry, we can talk about this--” You interrupted him yet again, but this time by launching yourself forward and crashing your lips to his.

With hands cradling his jaw, you did your best to put all of your emotions into the kiss, the one kiss that could change everything. JJ was more than surprised, freezing as you pulled him in closer, but within two seconds had relaxed and gave in-- he'd be an idiot not to. His hands fell to your waist and pulled you flush against him as his lips finally matched your ferver.

You don’t even know why you got so angry. Perhaps it was because the man you had loved since forever had told you he shared the same feelings, but then left before you could make the same confession, freeing yourself from years of secrecy. You didn’t want to hide it anymore. You needed to be sure he felt the same, like he said he did.

It almost didn’t matter now, as you poured every bit of passion you had into someone you called your best friend. He smiled against your lips, bringing his hand to the back of your neck to deepen the mind-blowing kiss. His mind was in a daze as his senses became clouded by you. In this moment, he had no doubts of his feelings for you. He was undeniably in love with you and couldn’t do a single thing to change that.

You had allowed yourself to get lost in him, but in a split second you were pulling away, not able to pull too far with JJ’s arms wrapped around you. His eyes trapped you in his gaze as you both took a moment to catch your breaths. You didn’t want to come down from the high you were experiencing, but you had to ask...

“Did you mean it?”

His brows furrowed wondering what you meant before it clicked. “Every word,” he said, only confidence and honesty in his voice. After that kiss, he wasn’t scared anymore. In fact, he felt fucking fearless. “I didn’t know how to tell you before.”

“Well, I'm glad you did,” you replied with a smile, dragging your fingers through his locks of hair before kissing him once more. The sounds of loud cheering made you pull away much sooner than either of you would have liked.

The pogues were watching from the window, cheering and making dumb kissy faces at you guys. JJ promptly flipped them off while you laughed, then he turned so that he was shielding you from the prying eyes of your friends. He loved the sound of your joyous laugh accompanied by your radiant smile.

“Next time you just wanna kiss me, can you not come over looking like you wanna kill me?” he asked, and you laughed with heat flooding your face. “Very mixed signals. I was scared for my life!” he added with a chuckle.

“Oh, shut up. I had a right to be mad at you!”

“But not anymore, right?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows. You rolled your eyes and shook your head at him before throwing your arms around his neck and kissing him again. You could definitely get used to this.

“You’re an idiot,” you mumbled against his lips. “You’re lucky I love you too.” He grinned, feeling higher than the clouds now that you finally said the words he was dying to hear.

He picked you up and spun you before kissing you again. “The luckiest in the world.”

***

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jaehyunspeachparty · 3 years

Text

daddy jaehyun

iv.xlxi. (a,m)

trigger warning: mentions of abortion

The time when Jaehyun filmed his drama just didn't go by. It was getting harder for you every day. It wasn't easy with the four children either, but most of all you miss your husband. When you heard the door open in the evening and Jaehyun came to bed with you, you never wanted to leave him again. "You're finally here," you whisper and put your lips on his. The kiss was so comforting and full of missing that you didn't want to let go of him. But at some point Jaehyun broke away from you. "I'm so exhausted." He put his head on the pillow and sighed. You stroke his hair and hope he doesn't fall asleep right away. It was the only time you had together at the moment. You just lie down next to him and put your hand on his torso. "I miss you," you whisper to him and look up. "I miss you too and the children, I really don't see them anymore." Jaehyun was still plagued by a guilty conscience. "Hopefully it won't be that long." You sit up and sigh. "Yeah ... hopefully ..." To Jaehyun it felt like an eternity. You then sit on his lap and put your hands under his shirt. You finally wanted to feel love again. You lacked the feeling of lust, of passion. You didn't remember when you last had sex. It was clearly too long ago. "Y/N ..." He gently grabbed your wrists and looked at you sadly. "The children are asleep and we finally have some time for ourselves." You grab his waistband, but Jaehyun stopped you. "I'm really totally tired, I can't do anything today." He stopped you from doing your thing, but you didn't want to give up so easily. You were greedy and you wanted him. You were actually sure that if you would make the start, then he would be quickly convinced. "I'll do most of the work, just relax ..." You smile and slowly and carefully pull down his pants. Most of the time when you were at this point he was a little hard, but this time it was nothing. "Y/N...I don't know..." Jaehyun didn't mean to disappoint you, but he knew his performance wouldn't work down here. But you wanted to try it, you couldn't believe it. You start to take him in your hand, spread a bit of spit along his length and with pressure you move your hand up and down. But there was still no reaction from him. "Y/N ... I ..." He was uncomfortable now because he totally failed. But you wanted to do him something good and you also wanted to experience a few highs yourself. So you draw your last card and put his length in your mouth. Your whole torso leaned down and your butt was up. You wanted to give everything, you couldn't believe that he couldn't be persuaded somehow. But sucking a limp cock really wasn't easy. He was still very soft and it was difficult to stimulate it in this state. You press your lips together, lick his tip and massage his testicles. And as much as you try, he just didn't get hard. This whole thing then became uncomfortable for Jaehyun. He was tired and still under the pressure that he couldn't get hard. "Y/N, stop it." His voice sounded harsher than expected. You look up in surprise and somehow you didn't know how to deal with the situation. You sit up and look at him desperately. You didn't have any bad intentions, but you just wanted affection and love from your husband. You were also stressed out by all of this and you just wanted to take some stress off with him. "I don't mean that, but I'm just tired. The day was exhausting today." "Do you think my day wasn't exhausting today?" You were kind of hurt and disappointed. "Yes, but ... Y/N, I was really busy today." Jaehyun tried to justify himself, but you shake your head. "And should it continue like this for the next few weeks. Should we as a married couple give us up completely?" You didn't know what to think because it was all so confused. "No, but I ..." "Don’t you miss me?" You look at him with glassy eyes and cross your arms. "I miss you, but I can hardly ..." He couldn't go on talking. He was ashamed of himself that he was so limp today and couldn't get hard. "Anyway, leave it. I'm sleeping somewhere else today." You got up and left the bedroom. You didn't want to see or hear Jaehyun. You were disappointed that he hardly found time for you. You knew the drama was draining him a lot of time and energy. But it was all too much. He was hardly there, you were alone with the kids and he was kissing some beautiful actress on the set. Your jealousy was still something very present and you could hardly let go of it. Maybe this time it was you who ruined the relationship?

When you wake up in the morning, Jaehyun was long gone. You had only heard him briefly, but then he went straight to the garage. In the morning you visit Johanna and wanted to know how she was doing after the abortion. When you two were at the doctor, it was just quiet. You didn't talk and you just try to stand by her. But now days had passed and you hope she was better. Johanna was off that day and had the children with her too. This allowed your children to hang out while you chatted. "How are you?" You ask concerned and Johanna looked at you annoyed. "Don't come on me like that ..." she sighed and admonished you. "What?" "You feel sorry for me." Johanna shook her head and looked again at the children. "No, I'm worried. An abortion isn’t easy. It is an invasion of your body." Johanna went through so much the last few years and she had severe depressions, of course you are worried about how she deals with it. "Yes ... it wasn't easy ..." Johanna lowered her head and grabbed her stomach briefly. It was weird that she wasn't pregnant anymore. "But I feel so much relief ... I feel freer ..." Johanna sometimes felt bad for her thoughts, but for a long time she felt as if she could breathe again without problems. "I'm glad you're feeling better now." You smile and stroke her hand. At that moment Johanna was so grateful for your confidence and touch that she hadn't felt alone for a long time. Even when she was with Johnny, she often felt alone. But now she had her life under control again and she could think clearly again. She had her two children, her new job, her own apartment and a good friend like you. She never thought, neither did you, that your friendship would one day become so intimate. "How are you? It seems like something is bothering you." Johanna looked at you and you stroked Geon's head, who was sitting on your lap. "It's so hard right now that Jaehyun is never there." You sigh and look down at your son. "How are you doing with your jealousy?" Johanna knew about your problem and you couldn't say that you were better. "Bad. Oh my god Johanna, I'm going crazy." You throw your head back and you want to scream. Then you put your hands on Geon's ears and start whispering. "I need sex so badly, I can hardly take it anymore. Shit I just want him to grab me, fuck me wild and I cum so hard again that I forget my own name." You were really desperate. "Wow, how long has it been for you?" Asked Johanna, surprised. "Far too long, I don't know anymore. I think since he started filming the drama again." You sigh and take another sip of your coffee. "Hmmm .... okay ..." Johanna doesn't know what to say either. "I'm so horny as I haven't been in a long time. And what the dildo gives me is no longer enough anymore." Johanna had to laugh, because in the beginning you didn't want the thing and now you were glad that you had something to stimulate you. "Can't nobody take care of the children? You can sleep in a hotel for a night and have a good fuck again." Johanna's idea wasn't bad, but there was a problem. "I've already suggested that, but he wants to spend his free time with the children. Which I understand because he doesn't see the children from Monday to Friday." You sigh and were really desperate. "The disadvantage of being married to a good father," said Johanna with a wink. "Am I selfish?" You suddenly ask her and turn to her. "What?" Johanna didn't understand what you mean. "I'm selfish. I want Jaehyun to do something with me without his children for a day and only look after us." You lower your head and you feel bad. Maybe you were too hard on him. "No, you are still a married couple, you need time together." "But we have toddlers, we have to be there for them. They come first." "But you need time together so that you can become stronger as a team and also so that you don't go crazy. You shouldn't neglect yourselves, otherwise you'll end up like me and Johnny." You lean back and don't know what to say or think. Have you been selfish? Should you demand something like this? Was sex really that important? Should you care more about your marriage? You didn't know what was right or wrong anymore ...

In the evening Jaehyun still didn’t come home. It was the usual time, but he just didn't come. Tears came to your eyes, your pulse was high and you did not know how to act. Are you overreacting? Or were you allowed to claim time? But at the same time you miss him. At the same time you were plagued by jealousy. The next moment you take the remote control and turn off the television. You try to sleep a little, because in four hours Kiwoo would wake you up because he is hungry. You lie alone in the big bed. It felt so lonely. A shiver ran down your spine and a sob overwhelmed you. Why were you so full of emotions? Why did you come to tears so quickly? At some point you managed to doze off a little, but you always startle. You reach aside and Jaehyun still wasn't there. You were beginning to worry that something might have happened. You sit up and look at your phone. No message. No phone call. You dial his number, but no one answered. You write him to call you and try to lie down again. But still nothing came. You toss and turn, can't sleep, and start worrying. What if he had an accident? You fell apart in an argument and you would never forgive yourself if something happened now. You feel incredibly guilty. Everything contracted inside you and you are getting closer and closer to a panic attack. You call him again and again. You write to him too, but there was never an answer. At some point it was 3 o'clock in the morning. You go into the kitchen and make yourself some tea. Your pulse was still high and you had thousands of scenarios in your head and you plan to go to the police in the morning. Or that you call Johnny quickly so you can go to the police station and he'll take care of the kids. You didn't know what to do. Maybe you should just call the local police and see if something happened. You take your iPad and look for the number, when suddenly the front door opened. You look over and see how Jaehyun struggled to take off his shoes. He just threw the jacket down and almost fell to the floor. You look at him in disbelief. Did that really happen? "Are you still awake?" He slurred and looked at you in amazement. His cheeks and nose were red and he was having a hard time standing up straight. "Why didn't you answer your phone?" You were done with your nerves, you couldn't sleep. Jaehyun took his phone out of his pocket and glanced at the screen. "Oops ..." He saw the calls and messages, but due to his high alcohol level he didn't realize what was happening. "I just can't believe it ..." You didn't even know what to say anymore. You were disappointed and angry. At some point you just turn around even more and go up the stairs. "Y/N ... are you still angry?" You couldn't stand Jaehyun's streak of alcohol. You wonder why he even made it up the stairs. "Yes," you hissed back angrily. "Come on ... it's not that bad ..." You roll your eyes and you couldn't even listen to him anymore. "You could have called, I was worried." You turn to him and look at him disappointed. The tears were gathering in your eyes and it was hard to hold you back. "I didn't look at my phone. Sorry ..." He snorted and tried to be cute, but that only annoyed you. "I thought something happened to you." You take his bedding and cling tightly around it. "I thought you had an accident. FUCK! Jaehyun, I wanted to go to the police. You always call me when it gets late. ALWAYS!" You throw the bedding at him and your sobs got louder and louder. Jaehyun looked at you confused and his drunken brain found it difficult to process all of this. "I don't want you with me. You sleep somewhere else. I don't care where." You push him out of the bedroom and slam the door. Jaehyun looked at the closed door, the bedding in his hand and only the next day will he realize what just happened here.

daddy jaehyun masterlist

#jaehyun #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun smut #jaehyun angst #jaehyun jung #daddy jaehyun #NCT #nct 127 #nct u #nct 2020 #nct smut #nct angst #nct 127 smut #nct 127 angst

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serendipityseulgi · 4 years

Text

8 Ways of Love;

— park seonghwa

according to the ancient greeks, there are eight different types of love. here is:

･*:༅｡ the one known as pragma, the enduring love.

aka, the kind of love that matures and develops over a long period of time, and somewhat rare to find.

8 ways of love series; version i

A love story that shows the progression of yours and seongwha’s relationship from the moment you two become friends, to lovers, to exes, and everything else in between.

love catalyst: the subconscious.

At the age of six years old you declare Park Seonghwa to be your boyfriend, solidifying your “relationship” with a hug.

“Eww, y/n, you have cooties!” your best friend barks, pushing you off him.

“Wha- hey no I don’t!” you squeak.

“Yes you do because Mingi told all the boys not to touch the girls because they have a disease and it’s going to eat our bodies alive!” he practically screeches getting up from the sandbox about to walk away from you.

“Seonghwaaa he’s lying!” you whine out and he huffs turning around to face you.

“Well all the other boys are listening to him so he has to be right.”

“Well I touched you yesterday when we were playing tag and you’re fine!” you defend. “And if all girls have cooties then how come your mommy still hugs and kisses you goodbye in the morning? Wouldn’t you be dead now?”

Even at the age of 6 you were the biggest smartass Seonghwa knew.

After a moment of deliberation, he sighs. “Okay fine, you’re right.” your friend huffs.

“So are you gonna back so we can play again?” you ask, arms crossed over your little body.

Seonghwa nods before grabbing onto your hand to drag you back into the sandbox.

The two of you return to making your sandcastle and it’s only a mere two minutes later does your friend speak up.“Am I actually your boyfriend now?” he asks suddenly and you whip your head towards him.

“Well I hugged you so yeah.” you roll your eyes at him and his soft little laugh makes your tiny heart jump.

Within the next week you two forget you’re “boyfriend-and-girlfriend” and go back to being the best friends you’ve always been, playing in the sandbox after school, watching cartoons at your house, and never missing a single dinner together while your parents listen to the two of you talk your little heads off.

For the record, there wasn’t much of a difference in your so-called relationship and your friendship in the first place when you were just six years old.

At thirteen years old, your best friend confesses he likes you.

“Okay I know this is weird because, I should see you as like, a sister or something, I don’t know!” Seonghwa rants, pacing back and forth in your bedroom as you watch him frantically explain the way he feels about you.

“You know what I mean though? You’re like, practically family to me! Right? Right...” you figure he’s talking more to himself than to you as he asks himself questions that he’s quick to answer to. “Like you’re probably gonna think I’m weird or something, but you are my best friend and I don’t want it to be weird-”

“Seonghwa for the love of god can you just get to your point.” you interrupt impatiently.

“I like you okay?” he says quietly, avoiding all eye contact with you.

His heart is beating so fast he feels like it’s actually going to rip right through his chest. He’s never been nervous around you ever. You’re his best friend, and you have been since you were 5 years old, and he doesn’t know why he suddenly feels like you’re the only girl he wants in his life.

When he hears you laughing at him his heart drops to his stomach and he braces himself for the upcoming rejection.

“Can you come sit next to me.” you ask, gesturing to the empty spot on your bed.

Seonghwa complies, yet his anxiety is rising by the second. He has never been so nervous in all the thirteen years he’s been alive. He almost wants to vomit as his stomach churns at the thought of you telling him you didn’t feel the same way.

“You’re rejecting me aren’t you...” he sighs, plopping down onto the spot next to you.

You shake your head with a smile. “No idiot, I like you too. Obviously.” you roll your eyes at him.

“Wait, what? Seriously??” he almost goes into shock. “Are you joking?”

“I mean, I thought it was pretty obvious.” you shrug. “I was throwing subtle signs at you for the longest time.”

“Like what?!”

“Like the time I kept pestering you to take me to the Valentine’s Day dance, and when I made you hold my hand during that scary movie when you know I never get scared of horror films. Oh, and the time you kept badgering me about why I rejected Hongjoong for no good reason. I kept telling you that you were the only guy I needed in my life and you were too oblivious to realize I didn’t mean it in the friend way anymore.” you chuckle.

“Oh... Oh,” Seonghwa realizes. “I really am oblivious then.”

“It’s okay, I already knew you liked me back anyways.” you smirk at him, grabbing your remote off the bedside table.

You flip the TV on as you feel Seonghwa’s heavy gaze on you. “So does this mean you’re my girlfriend?” he asks you and you pause.

“I mean technically we never broke up when we were six so you’re basically just re-asking me out.” you tease, pulling the blankets on both your bodies as you settle on a show to watch.

“Oh god, you still remember that?”

Of course you do.

“Obviously, how could I forget you screaming to the entire park that I had cooties.”

He laughs at that and you can’t help but smile widely hearing him. You both lay comfortably next to one another, watching intently at the show in front of you, yet both your minds were racing at the fact that officially, you could say you were boyfriend and girlfriend.

“So when did you start liking me?” he asks you.

“Honestly, I think I always did.” you answer truthfully. “But, like actually realizing my feelings for you?” you pause for a moment to think. “I think it was when you got really sick that one time and your parents were away for a business trip, and my mom made me drop off soup to your house. And I was only supposed to drop off the soup but I took care of you because even when you were all snotty and gross and barely awake to hang out with me, I kinda just realized I’d rather spend my time with you doing that than anywhere else.”

His eyes soften at you. “Aww.”

“Buuut then before that, there was also that time that Ashley told you she liked you and I got super jealous and I was actually going to shove her into a brick wall, so ...I kinda just figured...” you add.

“Way to ruin a sappy moment, moron.” Seonghwa playfully shoves you and you laugh.

You cuddle up next to him returning your attention back to the show in front of you. Only a few minutes pass before Seonghwa speaks up again, and his question catches you off guard.

“What if we break up... like eventually?”

You think about it for a second. “Then we go back to being best friends.”

“That easy?”

“That easy.” you nod.

“For the record though, I don’t ever want there to be a time where I don’t like you. I hope there isn’t.” he says.

“I hope there isn’t either.” you assure, and just like that, you two go back to watching tv.

You’ve always had a soft spot for Seonghwa so it never came as a surprise to you, or anybody for that matter when you figured out you had a little crush on your best friend.

In a hypothetical situation, if somewhere along the way your feelings ever started to fade, you still couldn’t picture a life where he wasn’t right beside you no matter what. He was your person, and he has been since you two were five. There was nobody in this world that could replace the bond you had with him.

Even at the age of thirteen, you knew you wanted Seonghwa to be there for the rest of your life.

At the age of fourteen and a half, you and Seonghwa have your first ever fight where he conveniently declares that he loves you for the first time.

seonghwa <3; received 4:24 pm

y/n can u not be like this and talk to me :(

plsssssss

i’m sorry

can u let me come over and talk to u

Your phone continues to buzz as you stare at it beside you, rolling your eyes at his insistent messaging.

You try your best to ignore it but the continuous beeping irritates you to no end.

you; delivered 4:26 pm

i’m mad at u.

seonghwa <3; received 4:26 pm

you; delivered 4:27 pm

can u like do smth with ur life instead of bothering me

seonghwa <3; received 4:27 pm

ouch.

Okay, you admit. That one was a low blow and for a second you almost feel bad until you’re reminded of the fact that you were still royally pissed at him.

you; delivered 4:28 pm

ur actually annoying

seonghwa <3; received 4:28 pm

ya ik i am

but yk what i’m not

someone who is going to do nothing about their gf being mad at them

so open ur window bc im climbing up so i can apologize

stop being a meanie and let me say sorry

Despite how mad you still are, your heart can’t help but skip a beat reading his messages. No matter how hard you wanted to stay angry at him and tell him to go away, you knew you wouldn’t be able to resist him even if you tried. Seonghwa was charming like that, always managing to sweet talk you in every way.

You crack open your window and see his tuft of black hair climbing up your ladder. As he hops into your bedroom you fold your arms across your chest, not daring to say a word to him until he speaks first.

“Look, I’m sorry for being an ass earlier.” Seonghwa apologizes, and all you do is look at him. He sighs before continuing. “I was just having a bad day and took it out on you and I shouldn’t have blown up on you during class. I get it. Dick move.”

“But then you had to go and talk to Ashley about it?” you added. “That was like the worst part of it! Do you trust her more than me or something?”

“What? No! Of course not!” he panics.

“You, and everyone else and their mother knows she’s like obsessed with you!” you shout in frustration. “She’s liked you for so long, do you know how stupid you made me look running off to her knowing how she feels about you?!”

“That wasn’t my intention-”

“Were you trying to make me mad?”

“No, y/n.”

“Did you do it to make me jealous?”

“No!”

“So why Seonghwa, did you have to go and vent to her after you yelled at me in front of everyone when all I did was try to help?”

“I don’t know, okay!”

“I just don’t understand why me of all people you had to take it out on. When all i’ve literally done for you for like the last ten freaking years of us being friends was listen to you when you had a bad day or try to cheer you up when you were down! Never once when I was feeling crappy did I take that out on you. Never.” you explain with a heavy sigh.

“I’m sorry.” he doesn’t know what else to say because he knows he’s in the wrong.

“Do you like her or something?” your voice is quiet and the hurt is evident. “Cause if you do just tell me.”

Seonghwa is quick to shut you down as he pulls you into his arms.

“No, no, no. Y/n, I don’t like her. I don’t. Please believe me.” he begs. “Look, I don’t know why I went to her when I should’ve gone to you. I couldn’t even begin to explain what was going through my head at that point because I don’t know. But I love you, okay? I would never, ever like Ashley.”

Your eyes widen and you pull away from him. “W-what did you just say?”

“I... um...” Seonghwa starts to fumble over his words because he didn’t exactly intend to tell you, but it sort of just came out and now he’s starting to panic.

“Do you mean it?” you ask.

He just nods, a little embarrassed at his sudden declaration.

“I love you too.” you say softly, and he relaxes.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

"I’m really sorry, y/n.” he pulls you close to him, burying his face into your hair as he hugs you tightly.

“I’m sorry too.” you murmur against him.

“I hate fighting with you.” he mumbles.

“Me too.”

“I promise I’ll never take my anger out on you again. And I’ll never talk to Ashley again. And I’ll literally do whatever you want me to if it means you won’t stay mad at me because I don’t like it when you’re mad at me, and I hate making you sad.” he rambles and you let out a small chuckle.

“Just come lay down and watch Friends with me.”

“Okay.”

And you ultimately forget that you’re mad at Seonghwa because you decide that you can’t really stay mad at him after he tells you that he loves you. And although all is forgiven, he still decides to grovel for the next week as a reassurance that he really meant his apology.

So at fourteen years old, you have your first, and last fight with him.

At the age of sixteen, you celebrate your three year anniversary with Seonghwa, and decide you were ready to lose your virginity to him.

“Okay I know you said that the expensive dinner date was enough of a present for you, but you know me and always overdoing it....” he says behind you as you hear the crinkling of a bag behind you.

“Seonghwa...”

“Trust me, babe. You’re gonna love it.” he assures as he walks over to you.

Your eyes instantly fall onto the small red velvet box in his hands and your mouth falls open.

“This was expensive wasn’t it?” you pry and he shrugs.

“Maybe, but I was saving up for it for a while now.” he responds, sitting next to you as he hands you the box.

“I always feel bad every time you spend money on me.” you sigh as your fingers smooth over the velvet.

“I know but it was worth it, trust me. Open it.” Seonghwa urges.

You pull apart the bow and lift up the lid, your eyes widening in awe at the shiny ring placed inside. You lift it out gently noticing the small engraving on the inner part of the band, with both your initials and a small ‘i love you 4ever’ written underneath.

“Oh my god,” you utter. “I love it.” you place the ring on your finger.

“Good because I have a matching one too.” your boyfriend grins at you as he pulls out another box lined with a silver band with that very same engraving.

You pull him in for a hug as he wraps his arms around you instinctively and all you can feel right now is an overload of gratitude for him.

“I actually love you so much.” you say, pulling his face towards you to press soft kisses all over his face.

“Yeah, I know I’m the best,” Seongwha chuckles. “But I love you too baby.”

Your lips mould together perfectly, the kiss slow and soft at first. His hands wrap around your waist and your mouth moves gently against his. But soon enough you’re clinging to him and his body is pressed against yours, the kiss growing more needy and intense.

You knew when things started to get heavy he would stop the both of you from going further, never wanting to push you to discomfort. The furthest you had gone with one another was only third base, but it never went further than that and Seonghwa always left that decision up to you if you wanted to take it there.

You figure if you don’t speak up now, he was going to cut this short, so it’s only then at this very moment do you decide you wanted him to be your first.

“Do you want to have sex?” you blurt out suddenly and you swear you’ve never seen your boyfriend’s eyes go so wide before.

He opens his mouth to speak but he can’t seem to find the right words to say. “I- um, wait, are you being for real?” he stutters. “I mean, I do want to, but, are you sure you want to?” he asks, still in disbelief from your question.

“Shit, sorry I know that was really sudden to ask, but I do want to.” you assure. “But only if you want to.”

“Of course I want to.” his eyes soften, and his hand finds yours in an instant delivering a comforting squeeze.

“Okay so come here and kiss me again please.” you say quietly.

And just like that, Seongwha’s soft lips land on yours once more. Without breaking apart he gently guides you to the head of his bed, laying you down underneath him as your bodies press up against each other.

You swear you can kiss Seongwha for hours and never grow tired of the feeling. You get drunk off his kisses, unable to think of anything else but him. It’s dizzying really, but you love it. You find that off all the things you love about him its his lips, and how impossibly soft they are and how familiar they feel against your own. How much comfort it would bring you, and how all you had to when you had a bad day was just kiss your boyfriend for however long he let you.

It felt like home.

His lips trailed lower to your neck, littering soft pecks across your skin. Quiet noises escape your lips and Seongwha can’t help but grind against your lower half. His hands travel across your body and the ache between your legs grows by the second, and the only thing you can think of is how much you love him, and need him.

Your mind kind of blurs because the next second you find yourself both naked and he’s fiddling in his drawer to find what you assumed to be a condom. He notices your curious stare as he opens his mouth to speak. “M-my dad told me to keep these in here,” Seongwha stutters. “He said to be prepared in case the time comes, and well, here’s the time I guess.” he laughs lightheartedly and the very sound makes your heart swell.

“Nice call on Papa Park I guess,” you joke and Seongwha chuckles.

He climbs over you and delivers another peck to your swollen lips. “Okay, no more mention of my dad please when I’m about to put my penis in you.”

“Sorry, sorry.” you chuckle nervously as your boyfriend pulls you in for another kiss.

"Okay, if it hurts tell me to stop and I will, alright?” his eyes stare deeply into your own.

You nod at him with a small smile, admiring what little of his face you could see in the darkness of his room. “I will, don’t worry.”

“Okay.” he sighs, positioning himself in front of you. “I love you.” he whispers against your lips.

“I love you more, baby.” you say to him before you feel him push himself inside you. You gasp at the feeling and he stills in his spot to let you adjust.

And once you signal that it’s okay for him to move, he does at a slow pace, and you gasp at the intense pleasure. Even though the pain has subsided his thrusts are still slow and controlled, and you don’t know if it’s because he’s afraid to hurt you, or if he just wants to revel in the feeling of you around him. Either way your heart fills with love for this one boy.

“I love you so much, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, you know that?” he whispers in your ear and your eyes shut at his words and the newfound feeling you would grow to love. “and thank you for trusting me right now...” his breathing grows heavy. “because I would do anything for you, and I just want you to know that, okay?”

You almost feel like you could cry because above all the pleasure that you’re experiencing right now, his words feel different, more intimate, and all the more meaningful to you.

And you believe every word he says because you know he truly means it.

“I would do anything for you too.” you repeat his words back to him and he buries his face into your neck as he continues to thrust into you.

So at sixteen years old, you have your first time with the love of your life. And you tell yourself that no matter what happens between the both of you, you were never going to regret giving that part of yourself to him.

At the age of eighteen years old, you do the unthinkable.

You decide after a long and heavy conversation, you two were going to break up. You were both set to leave town to pursue your studies at your dream schools, and you felt that parting ways at this point was the better option.

While you two could figure out a way to make things work while half way across the world from each other, you had to take into account all the factors that would drive you two apart. The time difference, the long distance, the fact that you were inevitably going to meet new people, and that you simply did not want to hold each other back from experiencing a life without one another.

Because all you’ve known almost your entire life was being with Seonghwa, and him with you. You knew it was only fair to give each other the chance to explore something new, and now was that time.

It wasn’t an easy decision by any means, and although it was an amicable split, you’ve never felt the pain of a broken heart before. It hurt really bad.

Your friends and family decide to throw you both one last goodbye party, wanting to celebrate this special milestone with you. And of course there was no way you and Seonghwa could pass up the last good night you two would have together as a couple.

The party was fun at first. The dancing, the singing, the laughing, and the endless exchange of pictures as you guys shared the last few memories you would have as high school graduates.

But as the night started to creep in, you both realized that in less than 24 hours, you two would no longer be attached to one another like you had been for the last thirteen years. And after five years as a couple, you still couldn’t believe that your relationship would come to an end, just like that.

You hear the faint music in the background of your house, as you and Seonghwa sit in your backyard, gazing up at the stars.

“This fucking sucks.” Seonghwa sighs, resting his head on your shoulder as you lean your head on top of his.

“I know.” your throat burns, suppressing the urge to cry.

“I just didn’t expect this day to come. I never thought we would actually break up with each other.” he admits, and you nod your head in agreement.

You grab onto his hand rubbing comforting circles onto his skin, and you feel Seonghwa’s body start to shake next to you. You don’t want to look at him because you know if you see him cry, you’ll cry too.

You close your eyes trying to control your heavy breathing and the quivering of your lips. Your eyes are watering but you refuse to let your tears slip, and your heart hurts like it’s never hurt before, and you don’t know if the pain will ever go away.

“Seonghwa I really love you.” your voice breaks and you finally let the tears fall.

“I know, baby.” the pet name has always affected you, but now more than ever it tugs at your heart strings in a bittersweet way. “I really, really love you too. Always.”

“You know you’re the love of my life right? You’re always going to be.” you state and he delivers a squeeze to your hand in acknowledgement.

“And you’ll always be mine.” he answers back. “You’re my best friend in the whole world and the last five years with you as my girlfriend will forever be the greatest five years of my life. I will always stand by the fact that you are the best thing to ever happen to me.”

As you stare at one another with teary eyes, he knows you’re saying the same exact words to him. He doesn’t need to hear you say it, nor does he expect you to. Your eyes say more than enough to him.

You look down at the rose gold band around your finger and you realize how long you’ve kept it on, never once taking it off since that day Seonghwa gave it to you. “Do you want your ring back?” you utter, your eyes watering once more.

Seonghwa shakes his head. “Please keep it. Because I still mean it. And I always will. I’m gonna love you forever, y/n. Even if you decide to take it off, if that’s the last reminder you have of how much I love you, then please keep it.”

Your heart is hurting, and the tears seem never ending as they continue to fall down your cheeks. “I don’t want to leave you Seonghwa.” a sob escapes from your lips, and Seonghwa squeezes your hand again.

“I know, baby but you have to. You’re going to the school you’ve dreamed of going to since you were in the fourth grade. You’re going to accomplish so much and a build a great life for yourself, y/n. And even though I won’t be physically with you, I’m always going to support you every step of the way.” he assures.

You knew in a perfect world you two didn’t have to break up. But long distance was a bitch, and you moving across the world was never going to be easy on him. You couldn’t force each other to wait for the other. Not when the both of you had to start a whole new life separately. You had to let each other go.

You turn to face him, your teary eyes staring into his own. “I’ll always support you too, okay? No matter what. I want you to make the most of your time in Seoul, study hard, surround yourself with good people and have the most fun you’ve ever had. You’re gonna make so many friends and pursue the career you’ve always wanted and experience new things that you’ve never done before. And most of all, you’re going to meet a girl and love her just as much as you loved me. And you’re gonna fall in love all over again, and just be happy. Just promise me that you will make the most of your time over there and live your life to the fullest. Don’t look back, don’t wait for me. Just live until I get to see you again.” your voice breaks. “And if somehow we find our way back to one another, then just know everything we did up to that point was worth it.”

Seonghwa lets out a sob and nods. “I promise.” his voice breaks and you pull him in for your last goodbye kiss.

At nineteen, you visit your hometown for Christmas, which was the first time you’d be back in a year and a half.

Having missed out on the chance to visit last year with your busy schedule, you made sure not to pass up the chance to see your family and friends. The more you grew accustomed to your new home you managed to find a good balance between school, work, and your personal life, so you found that this year was finally a good time to return back for a visit.

And there was no better time to come home than for Christmas day.

“Yeah, just landed at our layover and waiting for the next flight.” you say to your mother over Facetime.

“That’s great honey, I’m so excited to see you.” she smiles at you and you return the gesture.

“I missed you mom.” you say.

“And I missed you even more.”

You two continue conversing amongst one another, as she filled you in on all things you missed while you were gone before a voice interrupts your conversation.

“Hey babe, here.” Juyeon says, handing you a coffee as he presses a small kiss to your forehead.

“Oh thank you.” you murmur with a small smile as your boyfriend sits down next to you.

“Oh hey miss y/l/n!” Juyeon greets seeing your mom’s face plastered on your screen.

“Juyeon!” she squeals excitedly. “I can’t wait to finally meet you in person instead of over video chat. It was about damn time.” she states and you and your boyfriend chuckle. You hand him your phone allowing them to talk with one another and you smile fondly at the newfound bond between Juyeon and your mother.

“I know, I can’t wait to meet all of you guys too! I know y/n’s been really excited, it was all she could talk about for the last three weeks.” he teases. “And she says you make really good pie so i am definitely looking forward to that.”

“That is such an understatement, I make the best pie.” she scoffs. “And I made one specifically for you.” your mother beams.

After a few minutes of playful banter exchanged, Juyeon hands your phone back to you. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom before we board, I’ll be back.” he excuses himself and you nod in acknowledgement.

“Oh y/n, I just thought I should mention Seonghwa and his family are coming over for Christmas dinner as well.” your mom says and the sheer mention of his name as your heart beating in your chest.

“Oh he’s back in town too?” you ask casually and she nods.

“Yup, he’s also bringing his girlfriend.” she adds.

“That’s great, I’m really happy for him.” you say with a smile.

And you meant it, truly.

You knew of his girlfriend from the few photos he posted of her on instagram, and he seemed genuinely happy. Aside from his newfound love, he was clearly enjoying his time in Seoul like you had hoped, and it was everything you wished for him.

You two hadn’t really spoken over the last year, and it wasn’t really on purpose, you two just kind of drifted, as expected. You two were starting fresh in an unfamiliar place, and you both were finding your way around your new homes. You two were also preoccupied with school, and meeting new people so it was sort of inevitably really that you two grew apart. Of course there were the few times you two would chat, but it never lasted long due to time differences and busy schedules.

Although you missed him immensely, you were beyond happy for the life he started for himself, and you knew he was happy for you too. He did exactly what he promised you the last night you spent together, and that was enough to make you happy.

“Flight 219 now boarding.” the announcer calls and Juyeon meets you right on time.

“Okay mom, that’s us. I’ll see you in a few hours, bye, love you.” you bid your farewell before hanging up, and Juyeon grabs your hand leading you to the gate.

“Ready to go home?” he smiles at you, and you beam excitedly, nodding your head.

As the days pass leading up to Christmas, you spend all of your of time with your family and friends, using every second to catch up with your loved ones. You find that Juyeon is adapting well to your home life, bonding with your father and making your mother love him even more than she already did. You introduce him to your childhood friends and he instantly wins over Mingi, Hongjoong, Yunho and Jennie. You admire how much of an effort he put into forming a friendship with them because he knew how much it meant to you.

You were thankful really, to find a guy who was almost perfect for you.

But still, in the back of your mind, even though you loved Juyeon beyond belief, you knew Seonghwa would always have that special place in your heart.

On the day of Christmas, you and Juyeon set the table as you await the Park’s arrival. You were slightly nervous, obviously, given the fact that you had not seen Seonghwa in over a year and you would be meeting his girlfriend. Although you were happy for him, you still felt anxious to see him and her, and you could only hope that she was good for him, because he deserved that much.

Only a few moments later do you hear a knock at your door and your mother walks over to greet your longtime neighbours. Juyeon stands next to you as he wraps an arm around your waist comfortingly and you relax against him.

You see Mrs. Park first as she walks inside, giving your mother a friendly hug. Mr. Park follows suit as he greets your mother and your father with a wide smile on his face.

And then you see him.

His hair is slightly darker and he does look a little older. But other than that his face is so familiar to you and your heart beats wildly in your chest as the two of you make eye contact. His face softens when he sees you and you deliver a small wave to him as he smiles. His girlfriend trails behind him and you take notice of how beautiful she was. You smile at her too and she returns the gesture and your heart kind of warms seeing how shy she is because you always kind of knew Seonghwa would pick someone similar to him.

“Oh my y/n, how long has it been!” Mrs. Park calls towards you and you hug her tightly.

“I missed you!” you say to her and her arms wrap tighter around you.

“I missed you too, darling. And you look even more beautiful than the last time I saw you!” she compliments. “And who is this handsome man?”

“This is Juyeon, he’s my boyfriend.” you smile, and Juyeon shakes her hand.

“Nice to meet you, Mrs. Park. Y/n’s talked a lot about your family.” he says politely.

“Y/n’s picked a good one, I see.” she winks playfully as you notice Seonghwa and his girlfriend make their way towards you two.

“Hey y/n, long time no see.” Seonghwa says and you almost melt at the sound of his voice. He pulls you in for a hug and you notice how he still wears the same cologne that you had bought him all those years ago.

“Yeah, it’s good to see you again.” you smile at him, and although it had been well over a year since you two last saw each other, there was no hint of awkwardness, just nostalgia.

“Oh, this is Juyeon.” you introduce and Seonghwa delivers a warm smile to your boyfriend, shaking his hand respectfully.

“Nice to meet you.” Juyeon smiles.

“It’s nice to meet you too, I’m Seonghwa. Y/n’s... childhood friend.” he decides to say.

“I know she’s mentioned you a lot in her stories.” your boyfriend acknowledges. “From all the things she told me you were one of the people I was looking forward to meet the most. You seemed really great to her.”

“I could only hope so. She was my best friend after all.” Seonghwa glances at you, and you know there’s a deeper meaning behind his words. “And you seem like a really great guy, so I’m glad she has good people in her life.” Seonghwa returns and you find it heartwarming how well their exchange is going.

You look at the girl beside your ex and she’s staring at you with gentle, curious eyes. “Hi, I’m y/n.” you smile at her, extending your hand out for her to shake.

“Rosé,” she beams at you and you don’t even really know her but there was something about her that assured you she was good fit for Seonghwa. “I heard a lot about you as well, Hwa’s always talking about his life back home so I’m really glad I got to meet his best friend. You were really special to him.”

You smile softly. “I’m glad I got to meet you too.” you say.

“Okay, time for dinner everyone!” your father announces and you all take a seat at the table, passing over plates of food and catching up with one another.

“So Seonghwa, how’s Seoul treating you?” your mother asks as everyone turns their attention towards him.

“Uh really good actually,” he responds. “I joined a band actually! Uh, I became friends with these really nice guys. San and Yeosang. They basically recruited me after they found out I could sing and now we play at this local bar every week on Friday’s and Saturday’s. It was really good for me, I think. It helped with my stress and stuff. And that’s actually where I met Rosé.”

“That’s amazing.” your mother comments with a warm smile.

“Yeah he was really shy at first but San kind of forced him to talk to me which I was really thankful for because I was eyeing him for a while and was too shy myself to approach him.” Rosé says. “I still remember the night he asked for my number and he was stumbling over his words and I swear he looked like he was going to pass out.” she chuckles, and everyone at the table laughs along with her.

“Oh my god I know what you mean, he also cracks his fingers a lot and starts to turn really purple when he’s nervous.” you add and Rosé points at you nodding in agreement.

“Yes! I notice that all the time!” she laughs, and you can’t help but laugh with her.

“Trust me, I have the most embarrassing stories of him when we were kids.” you say.

“Oh god, you have to tell me all of them.” Rosé giggles.

“Obviously, we have the whole night for that.” you wink at her, and you realize how easy and natural it was to talk to her, and that confirmed that you indeed really liked her.

Seonghwa watches the exchange between you both, and as you two make eye contact with each other, a small smile appears on his face as you nod at him, silently approving of the girl he chose to bring home for this special day. His heart grows full seeing how well the two of you got along, and he’s forever grateful at how amazing of a person you were that you were so willingly to form a friendship with his new girlfriend.

Although he loved Rosé dearly, there was still a piece of his heart where he’d always love you. And that piece grows a little more when he realizes how you continue to support him, even through this unconventional situation.

Seonghwa decides he’s going to do the same for you, because just like you were happy for him, he was happy for you too.

Of course he was glad you found someone who could put a smile on your face like he once did, and he knows that for you to have willingly dated Juyeon, he had to have been just as great as you were. You always had the best judgement of people.

“So Juyeon, how’d you and y/n meet?” Seonghwa asks genuinely and he notices the way his face lights up at the mention of your name.

“We had a lot of mutual friends and they introduced us. It’s funny actually, I could tell y/n didn’t even really like me that much at first, she was always so disinterested when I would try and talk to her.” Juyeon laughs.

“Probably stressing too much about trivial things.” Seonghwa chuckles.

“Yeah she does that a lot, so overly anxious all the time” Juyeon notes, and Seonghwa agrees.

“Hey,” you interrupt and Juyeon apologizes.

“Sorry babe,” he chuckles. "but yeah, I finally sweet talked my way to get her to go out on a coffee date with me and then the next day she asked to go out for lunch after our lecture. We kind of just ended up hanging out more often and well, the rest is history I guess.”

“That’s great, I’m really glad she found someone that makes her happy.” Seonghwa smiles, and you feel a sense of gratitude towards him.

The rest of the night your families converse with one another and share a few drinks, as you and Seonghwa share old stories with Juyeon and Rosé. If you told yourself three years ago that you would be sitting by the fireplace on Christmas day with you and Seonghwa as exes exchanging stories with your new lovers, you would’ve never believed it.

But you don’t think it’s a bad thing at all. In fact you’re immensely grateful that despite not being as close to Seonghwa anymore, you were able to see each other grow and adapt with your new lives. A life where you made new friends and made new memories. Where you tried things you’ve never tried before, and explored new places. And where you could love other people and still be so insanely happy for one another.

This was a good thing.

At one point during the night the two of you find yourselves alone, a comfortable silence filling the room as you stared at the fire in front of you, basking in its warmth.

“I missed you.” Seonghwa is the first to break the silence.

“I missed you too.” you return. “And I’m really happy for you, you know?”

“I’m really happy for you too, y/n.” Seonghwa smiles at you. “And I really like Juyeon. He seems really great, and he makes you happy, I can see it. That’s all I ever wanted for you.”

You hum in acknowledgement. “And I think Rosé is amazing. She’s perfect for you. And I’m forever grateful that you two have each other. I know we’ve drifted over the last year, but you’re still my best friend in the whole world. And even though I don’t say it often, or even out loud, I’m supporting you through everything. As long as it makes you happy that’s all I care about.”

His heart warms at your statement and he locks eyes with you. “And you know I’m always supporting you too. Seeing you happy and thriving is the best thing that’s ever happened to you. It’s all I want for you.” he states.

Neither of you have to say it, but you know this is your unspoken way of saying that you both still loved each other greatly. You still stood by the fact that Seonghwa was, and always would be the most important person in your life, and you in his. Seeing one another content and happy despite not having each other around anymore, was the one thing that mattered to you both. The maturity and support you continued to show was only because of the immense love you have, and have always had for one another.

The kind of love that lets you give up the person you love the most so they can have a better life without you.

And the kind of love that’s okay with it.

At twenty-one years old, you and Seonghwa meet again.

It’s during one of your breaks where you find yourself extremely homesick. You don’t even give your family a heads up until you’re outside your childhood home knocking at your door.

It was an impulsive decision but it’s not like you were currently in school. You had the time and the money, and you missed your hometown so incredibly bad that it only took you one second to make that decision to come back.

“Coming, one second!” you hear a male voice call behind the door and your eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“Well, that’s is definitely not my mom, or dad.” you say to yourself. “Did they move out without telling me or something-” your internal conversation is cut short as the door swings open and you’re greeted by an unexpected figure.

“Y/n?” the boy says in surprise.

“Seonghwa??” you say even more confused.

“Who’s at the door Seonghwa?” now that’s your mother’s voice you hear and she gasps as she walks over to the door. “Y/n! Oh my god why didn’t you tell me you were coming back?!” she pulls you into her arms.

“Surprise.” you chuckle. “I kind of sort of felt really homesick and impulsively bought a plane ticket last night so I could fly back so... here I am.”

“Well come settle in! Seonghwa was just helping with some renovations in the house but I’ll let you two catch up.” your mother grabs your luggage, carrying it up to your bedroom. “Go grab a coffee or something!” she yells upstairs.

You look over to Seonghwa and he shrugs. “Let’s go then.” he smiles and your heart swells.

The two of you walk comfortably beside one another as you take in the scenery around you, missing the familiar place you once called home.

“I didn’t know you were back in town too.” you say after a few moments of silence.

“Yeah, it was pretty impulsive too actually.” he admits as he looks at you.

“What was your reason?” you ask curiously.

“Break up.” he states and your mouth falls open.

“Wait, you and Rosé...”

He nods. “Yeah, things just kinda, fizzled out. You know, we grew apart, wanted different things, came to a point where we were in different stages in our life.”

“Oh wow.” is all you say. “I’m sorry to hear, she was really sweet. I really liked her.”

“Yeah, she was,” Seonghwa sighs. “I mean, we ended on good terms. We’re still friends, actually. I don’t even think I’m necessarily sad about it to be honest, it’s just different, you know? Like I know we weren’t even dating for that long, like two and a half years at most. But I just got so used to being around her and spending so much time with her, and then things just weren’t really the same after a while. It just felt odd not having someone. And being alone made me miss everything I had here so I came back.”

You nod your head in understanding. “Yeah, I totally get what you mean.”

Seonghwa raises his eyebrow at you. “You mean... you and Juyeon too?”

“Mhm,” you hum. “I think for us we just realized we were better off as friends than as a couple, you know? Like after a while the attraction kind of went away and we were only really together because it was comfortable. And we didn’t want to stay together if we weren’t in love anymore, it wouldn’t have made sense. The break up was easy and it felt right when we ended things, I kind of wish it happened sooner but, I was still thankful for the time we spent together. He is still one of my best friends so I’m grateful for that at least.”

“That’s good.” he smiles softly.

“Hey at least we both can confidently say we have a track record of smooth break ups, right?” you joke lightheartedly.

“Thank god for that.” Seonghwa says with a laugh.

When you two enter the coffee shop you’re once again hit with a feeling of nostalgia as you think of all the times you, Seonghwa, and your friends would spend most days after school, drinking hot chocolate and eating pastries together as you all talked for hours and hours.

“I’ll get our usuals, you can wait by our spot.” Seonghwa offers, and you nod making your way towards your designated table.

The moment you sit down you’re hit with a wave of flashbacks you shared in this very space, and a small smile creeps onto your face as you look back on all the old memories.

After your brief moment of reminiscing, Seongwha sits across from you handing over your cup.

“Sometimes you don’t realize how much you miss home until you’re actually back in all the places you grew up in,” you note as you take notice of the small engraving in the corner of the table marked with yours and all your friends’ initials. Your fingers ghost over the mark and when you look up at Seongwha you see that he’s also eyeing the engraving.

“I remember when we put that there,” he recalls with a smile. “After five years of coming here and sitting at this same exact table with our friends we claimed our ownership by putting that stupid engraving that took us forever to do. As if that stopped people from sitting here anyways.” you both chuckled.

“Well at least Jennie and Hongjoong were brave enough to kick out the people who stole our spot.” you laugh.

“Yeah,” Seonghwa smiles fondly at the memory. “I still remember the days where Mingi and Yunho would bet the barista on how many butter croissants they could eat in one sitting so we could all get a supply of free hot chocolate for a year.”

“And it was only after Mingi threw up everywhere that it turned out all we had to do was ask her, and she would’ve done it anyways because we were regulars here.” you finish with a soft chuckle.

A comfortable silence fills the air as you two reminisce on the old memories of your teenage years.

“Can I ask you something?” Seonghwa says.

“Of course.”

“When you finish university,” he starts. “What are you gonna do afterwards? Like do you plan on living abroad permanently? Or are you gonna come back home?”

You pause for a second. “Honestly, after the first year there, I fell in love with the city. And I truly was planning on starting my life there and making that my permanent home, ‘cause I had Juyeon, and I had my new friends, I had jobs lined up for me after graduation, and just an overall great home.” you say. “But after splitting up with him, and sitting with the fact that I was constantly homesick, I kinda realized that this is my home, you know? Like, no matter how much I loved my new friends, and loved the city, it would never be as special to me as here. Nothing over there compared to everything I have here. And I knew you were gonna come back from Seoul after graduation, and Jennie and Yunho were gonna come back from New Zealand too. And Mingi and Hongjoong, and the rest of them were all still here... I didn’t want to be the only one gone. All my real friends are here, my family’s here... you’re here. I didn’t want to leave that all behind.” you exclaim and Seonghwa’s face softens.

“I’m really glad honestly.” he responds. “Because I missed you a lot. And it would’ve really sucked to know you weren’t gonna be here anymore when I moved back. I just really miss spending time with my best friend.”

Your heart skips a beat. “Well, you have the next two weeks to do that.” you smile up at him.

“I have an idea.” his eyes light up and you raise an eyebrow at him. “Do you wanna have a sleepover tonight? We can have a move night and order take out like the good old times.” he grins at you.

“You had me at sleepover.” you say with a smile and so he grabs your hand, pulling you towards the exit.

When Seonghwa lets you into his house you almost forget the fact that you haven’t been inside in almost three whole years. This was practically your second home and you found comfort in the fact that nothing really changed since you last saw it. Everything looked almost exactly how you remembered it, minus the new couch and dining table, and a few new paintings hung up on the walls.

“Your mom didn’t change much over the last few years.” you observe.

“Yeah, she was going to do a whole renovation like your mom, and she even planned a whole design out, but she opted out last minute. She said she wanted me to come back home to something I remembered.” Seonghwa answers. “I didn’t get why at first but it only started making sense to me the more I started visiting and realized this was like my safety net.”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” you say.

You and Seonghwa walk upstairs to his bedroom, and of course nothing changed inside either. It almost seemed like it had been untouched aside from the fresh bedsheets and clean floor. You notice the small picture frames neatly placed across his dresser table and you realize most of them are pictures with you. You pick one frame up as you remember the day so clearly. A faint smile forms on your face as your fingers ghost over the photo.

“I asked my mom to put those up again recently.” Seonghwa states from behind you. “I was gonna put more with our friends but I realized we didn’t take many with them. They were mostly just of us two. I hope you don’t think it’s weird.”

You shake your head. “No, of course not. I would never think it’s weird.” you say, placing the frame back onto his dresser.

Seonghwa tosses you one of his shirts and a pair of your old shorts that you always left at his house during your impromptu sleepovers. And suddenly you’re once again hit with a wave of nostalgia.

“What do you wanna do?” he asks and you flop onto his bed with a deep exhale.

“Let’s just lay here for a second.” you say pulling him down next to you. “I just wanna remember everything that I missed while I was gone.”

Seonghwa settles beside you and you can’t help your racing heart as he inches closer to you. As you lay next to one another looking up at the ceiling, your breathing relaxes and you revel in the feeling of just being so comfortable and at so at home.

“You don’t know how much I missed this,” Seonghwa whispers next to you. “even though we haven’t seen each other in years and we don’t talk as much anymore, when I’m with you it’s like we never even left each other. Like we just pick up right where we left off. You’re the one person who’s always brought me comfort and I never feel like we have to force things with each other, no matter how much we drifted.”

You feel heat rise to your cheeks and suddenly the room feels so much warmer. Your heart beats fast and you realize how much of an effect Seonghwa still has on you after all these years.

“I think about you everyday, you know that?” you confess, turning your head to look at him. “Every time I’m out somewhere there will always be little things that remind me of you. And I think about all the places in the city I would take you, and the places I know you would love. I think about all the things you would tell me when I was feeling down, and how you would react to certain situations as if you were right there beside me the whole time. I miss you all the time.”

You both stare at one another and your eyes flicker back and forth to his lips and when you look into his own eyes you notice him doing the same. After a moment of just staring into each other’s eyes, unsure of what to do next, Seonghwa pulls you towards his face and kisses you, and the feeling absolutely overwhelms you in all the good ways.

It’s far from soft and sweet, instead heavy and messy, and so intense that your chest burns with desire. You don’t dare pull away from him even when you needed to catch your breath, because the feeling of his lips on yours after all these years intoxicates you and has you yearning for more. He’s pulling you closer to him and you feel like your body is on fire.

Seonghwa rolls on top of you and your bodies mould perfectly with one another, as if you were both the two missing pieces of a puzzle. You can’t exactly describe the feeling but it’s overwhelming and very reminiscent and brings you back to all the times with Seonghwa that brought you so much happiness years ago. It’s a feeling you didn’t know if you would ever feel again and you missed it more than anything.

The ache between your legs becomes overwhelming and before you know it you’re begging him to touch you, and without any hesitation he does. Your bodies press tightly against each other and your desperate need for him only grows the moment he grinds down on you.

The next thing you know, you’re both unclothed and fully exposed to one another, and you see each other in your most vulnerable states for the first time in years. When he finally pushes himself inside you the pleasure is significantly magnified as the fire inside you only intensifies at the feeling of him.

It happens quick at first but Seonghwa decides he wants to take his time with you. Like you, he didn’t know if he would ever feel you in this way again and he was going to use every second with you that he could.

You don’t know how much time has passed but by the end, you both are exhausted and sore, and panting heavily next to each other. It’s dark outside and the room is warm and even though you’re both sweaty and gross, you haven’t felt this good in a long, long time.

“Was that okay?” Seonghwa asks, pulling your naked body into his arms.

“Yeah,” you say with a small smile. “It was perfect.”

So you lay in each other’s embrace for a while and your heart feels warm and fuzzy, bringing you an endless amount of comfort. You feel content at this very moment, and your worries are pushed to the back of your mind as you fall asleep soundly together.

It’s only at 2 o’clock in the morning do you wake up in a haze and through your fatigued confusion does your brain recall the events that took place a few hours ago. Unable to make out your surroundings in the darkness, your eyes widen not knowing if what happened earlier really happened. When you attempt to sit up you feel a pair of arms wrapped securely around your waist and your body relaxes. Soft snores escape Seonghwa’s lips and you snuggle closer to his body to feel his warmth.

It dawns on you that you still are very much in love with Seonghwa, and of course deep down you knew that you always would be. You also knew given the chance (like now) your feelings would resurface because well... they never really left in the first place.

The unknowingness of this outcome has you shifting in your spot and anxiety creeps in as you think of leaving him all over again. Because after tonight, you don’t know if you can bear the thought of parting ways with him and returning to your life abroad where you can’t tell him exactly how you feel.

You don’t realize right away that Seonghwa has woken up next to you and he only does so because of your constant shifting. It’s when he delivers a gentle squeeze to your waist do you finally take notice.

“Are you okay?” his voice his deep and tired and the sound is enough to make your heart beat fast.

“Yeah.” you reply unconvincingly, but Seonghwa has known you all his life and was also the one to date you for five whole years. He knew you better than you probably knew yourself so in an instant he could tell there was something bothering you.

“What’s on your mind?” he asks.

Your back is leaning against his chest, and you can feel his soft breathing on your neck, and instinctively he starts to rub small circles on your arm knowing that was the one thing that could calm you down.

“It’s stupid.” you say, your voice is quiet and laced with a hint of embarrassment.

“Do you regret what we did?” Seonghwa asks and you’re quick to shut down his claim.

“No! No, of course not.” you return. “It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?”

You exhale, letting out a heavy sigh. “Seonghwa I still love you.” it’s almost inaudible to him but he knows he heard you correctly.

He lets out a soft sigh and a smile smiles forms on his face.

“I still love you too, baby.” and when you hear him call you by the name you loved so much, you feel like you’re going to melt in his arms. “I always would remember?”

Your eyes start to water because it’s been so long since you’ve been able to say that to him, and to hear him say those same exact words back to you has a weight lifting right off your shoulders that you didn’t even know was there.

“Why’s that upsetting you?” he questions and you feel him press soft kisses to your shoulder.

“I don’t want to leave you all over again.” you admit.

He sighs next you and attempts to pull you even closer, if that were possible.

“Well we’ll spend the rest of the time we have together and enjoy every second of it. And after graduation we’ll come back home and we’ll pick up right where we left off like we always do.” Seonghwa tries to reassure you and you shake your head, sniffling.

“That’s not what I mean...” you say. “I mean that I don’t want to go back and not be with you. I don’t want to wait out till graduation and know that we aren’t together because I don’t think I can. Not after tonight.”

It clicks in Seonghwa’s brain and he knows exactly what you mean, and so he decides now’s the time to ask you what he’s been wishing to ask you for so many years. He knows he wasn’t supposed to wait for you, but he always knew he would.

“You don’t have to then.” he states.

“I don’t?”

“Do you want to get back together?” he asks and your heart almost stops. “I mean we only broke up ‘cause of the distance right? And we both fulfilled our promises to each other that we would experience a different life and learn what it was like to not be together. We’re in our last year of uni, we’d only have to be apart for a few more months and then we’ll both be back home in no time, permanently. We would never have to be apart again.” he reasons with you.

And it did make complete sense. He was right in every way, so in truth, there really wasn’t anything stopping you from being together again. You don’t have to think much about it because the decision was already made deep down. You knew you wouldn’t hesitate to be with Seonghwa again if you had the chance, and now was that chance.

You turn to face him and even though you two can’t see each other, there’s a small smile painted on both your faces and you lean in to press a kiss to his lips.

“Okay, let’s get back together.”

So at twenty-one years old, you and Seonghwa officially reconcile, and spend the next two weeks together like you planned, catching up on everything you did while you two were apart.

And just like he said, it was like you two never left each other.

And now, at twenty-two years old, Seonghwa pops the question.

And you finally marry him.

"Family, friends, and all loved ones. We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Y/n and Seonghwa. We stand here to support this couple and share the joys of their love and commitment as they solidify this partnership, choosing to spend the rest of their lives together.”

“Through this marriage you make a lifelong promise to one another to always love, respect, trust and honor each other through anything, and everything. You promise to stay committed, and loyal, and most importantly, share your dreams, your happiness, and your sorrows with each other.”

“From today, and this moment on, you will forever be united as one.”

You stare at Seonghwa and your heart beats hard against your chest as you stand in front of him watching his eyes light up and his smile grow by the second. You feel like you’re in a dream and everything around you feels so surreal.

Your eyes scan the alter and you see your mother beside Mrs. Park, both of them clinging onto each other as tears of happiness running down their cheeks. Their smile is wide and filled with so much love and you knew this day was something the two have been waiting for, for as long as they could remember.

You see Mingi, and Yunho, and Hongjoong, and Jennie, your best friends who witnessed every progression of your relationship with Seonghwa from the moment you two met. They’re all grinning from ear to ear and you can’t help but laugh as they silently cheer you on from the pews.

You see your dad, and Seonghwa’s dad, and both of your grandparents, and the entirety of yours and Seonghwa’s family joined together as they smile brightly at the two of you.

And then your eyes meet with Rosé and Juyeon as they mouth a “you got this!” to you and Seonghwa, delivering a thumbs up in your direction, and your heart kind of warms because even after splitting up, the friendship between you four remained and it was evident through their support on this special day.

When your eyes lock with your soon-to-be-husband his lips quirk up into a warm smile as you mouth out an “i love you.”

“Now Y/n, Seonghwa, please join hands” the officiant states.

"Do you, Park Seonghwa take Y/N Y/L/N to be your wife?”

“I do.” he states softly, eyes gazing into yours.

"And Y/N Y/L/N, do you take Park Seonghwa to be your husband?”

“I do.” you respond beaming.

"Seonghwa, please repeat after me.” the officiant says. “I, Park Seonghwa, take thee, Y/N Y/L/N, to be my lawfully wedded wife.”

“I Park Seonghwa, take thee, Y/n Y/l/n, to be my lawfully wife...” he repeats.

"...To have and to hold from this day forward...”

“...For better for worse...”

“For richer for poorer...”

“...In sickness and in health...”

“...To love and to cherish...”

“...And to honour you all the days of my life...”

“Till death do us apart.” Seonghwa finishes and your eyes start to water.

“Now, Y/n, please repeat after me.” the officiant calls on you. “I, Y/N Y/LN, take thee, Park Seonghwa, to be my lawfully wedded husband.”

You exhale before repeating his words. ““I, Y/N Y/LN, take thee, Park Seonghwa, to be my lawfully wedded husband.”

"...To have and to hold from this day forward...”

“...For better for worse...”

“For richer for poorer...”

“...In sickness and in health...”

“...To love and to cherish...”

“...And to honour you all the days of my life...”

“Till death do us apart.”

As Jennie walks over to hand over the rings she smiles brightly at you, as the crowd watches you and Seonghwa each place the new band on your fingers, signifying the start of your lifelong commitment to one another.

“Well! By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife!” the officiant shouts with a smile. “You may now kiss the bride!”

And without a second wasted Seonghwa pulls you in kissing you like he’s never kissed you before and the loud shouts and cheers in the background fills your ears as everyone hollers around you. And when you pull away you can’t seem to wipe the smile off your face as Seonghwa carries you out of the alter.

“Here’s to our new life together, Mrs. Park.” Seonghwa says with a grin as you kiss him once more.

“I love you so much.” you say.

“And I love you even more.” he returns.

So at twenty-two years old you know that you’re never going to stop loving Seonghwa, and that love was made permanent by the unity of your marriage. From the moment you declared him as your boyfriend at the age of six, to the years you spent learning everything together as a couple, growing apart and reuniting, you know that this was a rare kind of love to find, and one that had to mature and progress over a long period of time.

And so you remember the words you said to him all those years ago the night you parted ways, “if somehow we find our way back to one another, then just know everything we did up to that point was worth it.”

Which stayed true four and a half years later, and for the rest of your life thereafter.

LA FIN.

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queerlyraging · 4 years

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I am affected.