#i’m a plague i need to be eradicated everything about me is poisonous and venomous

[bo0zey]

i’m a plague to everyone’s life i ever come in contact with

#selfish stupid girl selfish stupid girl #ruin every friendship you have nobody loves you or cares anymore they never really did why would they #everyone knew all along u were never something worth caring for. #i’m a plague i need to be eradicated everything about me is poisonous and venomous #all i do is hurt people even if i never intended to i still always do it to everyone im so tired of being me #’m so tired of being an awful person. i say i want to love and care about people but i can’t do it right #i say i love everyone in my life more than they love me but maybe it’s not true because you don’t hurt the people you love #i wish it was 5 years later and i could die already im so sick of myself i’m a plague to my own life #ngl almost passing out at riot fest kinda opened my eyes more to death #after the bouts of nausea and dyspnea and everything suddenly got soft and fuzzy and far away #all i could feel was empty space around me buzzing softly my body felt so light #i closed my eyes and saw purple and blue stage lights flashing and blurring above me. i felt like i was high the world was so far away #it was just me and i couldn’t support this airy weak body i felt like licorice i wobbled i think #it felt like hours time was so still and then the colors disappeared and all i saw was fuzzy black faded television screen #then i opened my eyes and saw security directly in front of me reaching towards me and then blinked and it was black again #opened my eyes and realized i was being pulled over the barrier #i was still in a hazy state but it slowly lifted enough for me to feel shame again and be able to walk myself to the medical tent #i wish security hadn’t pulled me out. i wish i could’ve died then . those seconds that felt like hours thst felt like i was dying. #there was no pain or nausea anymore. no gasping for air. i felt like an angel #i’m so sleepy i’m going to sleep now i guess #can barely keep my eyes open it feels so good to check out of existence #ramblings