#mention of aphobia

[ollieofthebeholder]

to find promise of peace (and the solace of rest): a TMA fanfic

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Chapter 62: April 2017

Sasha hadn’t been entirely sure what to expect, but she had to admit, she was curious about how the dynamics in the Archives would change with Jon’s return and the addition of Basira. Even before they left Elias’ office, she found herself formulating hypotheses and running scenarios in her head. Martin and Basira seemed to get on well enough, but that didn’t mean they’d be good coworkers. Same with Jon and Melanie, especially when the boss dynamic was factored in, even if that line got blurred in the Archives. Tim clearly didn’t think anyone should be working there at all, and Basira was hard to read. Then there was the matter of the statements. Would Jon want to go back to recording all of them, or at least all the real ones? And if he did, with what had been happening to Martin, how would that affect their relationship, working or otherwise?

As it turned out, she was completely off base on all counts.

Basira didn’t end up entering into the equation at all; since as far as she was concerned, her only role at the Institute was that of hostage, she passed her time sitting in a corner with a stack of books. Tim and Martin ignored her completely; Melanie occasionally asked a question, and occasionally got a halfhearted answer, but not much beyond that. Since Melanie had already been helping Jon, all his return meant was that she didn’t have to pretend to sneak around, and Jon slid back into the routine as though he’d never been away. He told Tim, Sasha, and Melanie that they weren’t required to keep recording any statements, much less the real ones, if they didn’t feel like they needed to; he and Martin had clearly had a separate discussion about them, though, because the possibility of him stopping was never broached, and on Wednesday he collected his stack of files to record as usual without comment.

And when it came to Jon and Martin’s relationship…well. For the most part, it was the same as always—out where everyone could see, anyway—but Sasha noticed Jon’s office door was propped open more often than not, so he had a clear view of the assistants grouped around their table, and that he frequently came out to talk with them about their research or findings. Inevitably, when he came out to do that, he perched on the corner of Martin’s desk, even if he was ostensibly talking to one of the others. And on Wednesday afternoon, she had poked her head in to check on Martin’s recording and found him and Jon sitting facing one another on the cot, Jon gently cradling Martin’s hand in his and a look of tender concentration on his face as he changed the dressing on his burn, Martin staring at Jon’s face with such a vulnerable expression that Sasha had to turn away.

Yeah, their relationship was doing just fine.

They were able to be a bit more open with what they were working on, now that Elias had “told” them about the Unknowing, but Sasha was pretty sure they weren’t supposed to know for sure about the other rituals. So by the time Friday afternoon rolled around, she assumed they were going to head to Cinnamon Rose Books in twos and threes and debrief. Whether they invited Basira or not was up in the air, but Sasha was betting on not. She didn’t seem particularly interested in all of the supernatural stuff, and Martin in particular had seemed really unhappy at the idea of her even working for the Institute. Sasha was looking forward to asking him about that.

About quarter to four, Melanie’s phone buzzed. Sasha assumed it was probably Gerry, since everyone else who might have tried to contact her was already in the Archives, but when Melanie looked at it, a funny look crossed her face. She hesitated, then tapped out a response before looking up at Sasha with a grin that was somewhere between cheesy and feral. “Hey, have you ever met Georgie Barker? From What the Ghost?”

Sasha blinked, a bit taken aback. “I talked to her on the phone once, when we were looking into your statement last year, but I’ve never met her. Why?”

“Want to? She’s suggested meeting up for drinks after work today. We could go and relax, make a girls’ night of it.” Melanie twisted around in her chair and leaned over the back to where Basira sat, immersed in Introduction to Alchemy. “How ‘bout you, Basira? Want to come out for drinks with us?”

There was a heartbeat of silence, then Basira said, quite simply but decidedly, “No.”

Melanie waited a minute, but that seemed to be it. She turned back to Sasha. “So! You and me and Georgie makes three?”

Sasha tried not to laugh. She could tell Melanie was in earnest—and she did enjoy spending time with her. They’d had fun at the movies the previous week, and then sitting at a pub until the wee small hours of the morning discussing the film, the book, and everything in between. And if Melanie considered Georgie a friend, and wanted Sasha to meet her, Sasha was all for it. “Yeah, okay. Sounds like a plan.”

All six of them left at the same time, for once. Basira peeled off on her own, heading south with her head down and her hands jammed in her pockets. Sasha was a bit surprised that the boys came to the Underground station along with her and Melanie, but they were heading for a different train. Sasha and Melanie’s arrived first. As they stepped on, Martin waved and whistled a jaunty tune; Melanie half-hung out of the train, waved back, and whistled an entirely different tune in reply before hastily withdrawing as the doors closed on them.

“What was that all about?” Sasha asked, slightly amused, as Melanie took the seat next to her.

“Huh? Oh.” Melanie shrugged, but she looked slightly sheepish. “Whistle codes. Sometimes there are things we can’t talk about in public, and places are crowded and voices might not carry clearly, but a tune’s a tune, you know? Martin was whistling ‘You and Me and the Devil Makes Three,’ which means ‘let’s meet back up with Gerry later’, and I whistled back with ‘Strike the Bell’, which means we’ll meet up at eight bells.”

“Meaning eight o’clock?” Sasha lifted an eyebrow.

“In this case, yeah. Eight bells means the end of the watch period on sailing ships,” Melanie explained. “Watches are in four-hour chunks, except for the dog watches from four to six and six to eight, but the bell strikes every half-hour. So whatever time it is when we whistle ‘Strike the Bell’, we’ll meet up at the next end of 'watch’.”

“Huh.” Sasha studied Melanie thoughtfully. “You lot really have thought of everything.”

“We ought to have, after twenty years,” Melanie said, but she looked pleased with Sasha’s praise.

They reached their stop, and Sasha followed Melanie to a pub that looked substantially newer than the one Melanie usually preferred. It was also significantly more crowded. Melanie scanned the crowd, then nudged Sasha and led her over to a table where a very pretty woman with a denim jacket open over a What the Ghost t-shirt sat, tapping her finger idly on the tabletop. She looked up with a smile as they slid in. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Melanie smiled. It looked a little strained to Sasha’s eye. “Georgie, this is Sasha James, one of my coworkers. Sash, this is Georgie Barker, host of What the Ghost?”

“I think we talked last year,” Sasha offered, holding out her hand. “It’s good to finally meet you in person.”

“Oh, right, I remember you.” Georgie smiled and shook. “Good to meet you, too.”

A server came over and took their orders. Once they were alone, Georgie turned to Melanie. “Did your…family emergency sort itself out?”

Melanie nodded. “Yeah, lucky thing Martin wasn’t hurt too bad. Only a second-degree burn.”

Georgie’s eyes widened briefly. “How’d he manage that?”

“Hot candle wax. It’s just his hand. He’s healing up well enough.” Melanie waved a hand casually. “How’d your latest episode go?”

“Well enough. The actual meat of the episode came out fine. I…don’t think I really hit the right tone with the ad read, though,” Georgie confessed. “I’m going to lose this sponsor, I can feel it, but honestly…” She trailed off, her eyes narrowing at something over Sasha’s shoulder.

Sasha twisted her head and was a bit surprised to see Gerry talking to the server, after which he lifted three glasses off the tray and made his way towards them. Turning back around, she nudged Melanie. “Look who’s here.”

Melanie looked up and did a double-take as Gerry reached them. “Picking up part-time work, are we?”

“Shut up,” Gerry said amiably, setting down the glasses. “I was closer to here than Wapping when I got Martin’s text and figured I’d drop in.”

“And just who the hell are you?” Georgie demanded, her eyes cold.

Sasha was a bit taken aback by the intensity of Georgie’s reaction. She was even more surprised when Gerry’s face darkened as he looked at Georgie and took a half-step back. “Could ask you the same thing.”

“Ger, this is Georgina Barker, she’s a friend of mine,” Melanie intervened, frowning slightly. “Georgie, this is Gerard Keay, he’s—an old friend.”

Sasha caught the hesitation in Melanie’s voice, and she almost called her out for not referring to Gerry as my brother, but she bit her tongue. If Melanie didn’t want Georgie to know how close she was to Gerry, Sasha wasn’t going to be the one to spill those beans. Besides…she was curious about how this interaction would play out.

Georgie folded her arms over her chest. She didn’t look impressed. “Really. An old friend. How long have you known Melanie?”

“Twenty years, give or take. And you?” Gerry mimicked Georgie’s pose.

Georgie didn’t answer his question. “It’s just that she’s never mentioned you before.”

“Right, because you’re such good friends she tells you everything,” Gerry shot back. “I can tell. At least I’ve heard of you. You’re the one that put her in Sarah Baldwin’s way.”

“Guys, I’m sitting right here,” Melanie said, sounding irritated. Both of them ignored her.

“I’m sorry, have you never introduced her to someone dangerous? Because you remind me of someone dangerous yourself.”

“Takes one to know one.”

“Guys,” Melanie repeated, a little more emphatically. Sasha touched her hand lightly, but she didn’t seem to notice.

“I think you should leave. Now.” Georgie’s scowl deepened.

“I think you should take a good, hard look at yourself and see how deep this thing goes, and if you’re really one to be making judgments,” Gerry said coldly. “But sure, I’m leaving. See you later, Melanie…assuming your friend here lets you.” With that, he turned on his heel and strode out of the pub.

Melanie thumped the table with the heel of her hand. “What the fuck was that all about?”

Georgie relaxed slightly, sat back in her seat, and downed about half of the Tom Collins Gerry had set in front of her. “Sorry, but you really don’t need friends like that.”

“Fucking hell, Georgie, I’ve known him since I was eight.” Melanie sounded extremely frustrated. “What the hell about him upset you so much?”

“Like I said…he reminds me of someone.” Georgie stared into her drink.

“Apparently you remind him of someone too.” Melanie snorted. “Can’t imagine who. I’ve met most of the same people he has.”

Sasha picked up her brandy Alexander, but didn’t take a sip yet. Casually, she asked, “How long have you been in London, Georgie?”

“Four years, give or take. Since the podcast really took off, enough that I could quit my day job, anyway.” Georgie still sounded a bit annoyed, but at least a bit less tense than before. “Why?”

Well, that ruled out Sasha’s first theory—that Georgie had recognized Gerry from news articles about his mother’s murder and the subsequent trial. It hadn’t exactly been a national item; there’d been a number of major world news stories happening around that time, and from what Sasha had dug up when they were doing that first investigation, there hadn’t been many articles outside of London and the more sensational tabloids. It also didn’t explain why Gerry seemed to think Georgie was dangerous, too.

She was gearing up to ask another question when it suddenly struck her that for all Georgie seemed to think Gerry was dangerous, she wasn’t showing any signs of fear. Anger, irritation, maybe a bit of protectiveness, sure, but she didn’t seem in the least bit afraid of Gerry, what he could do to her—or Melanie, or Sasha, or anyone else—or what might happen. Which could mean she was using dangerous in a different sense, but…

Several pieces fell into place, and Sasha set down her glass. “You’ve met something like him before,” she blurted.

Georgie looked up at Sasha with a slight frown. “Didn’t I just say that?”

“No, you said someone. I said something.” Sasha turned to Melanie and raised an eyebrow. “You get what I mean, right?”

“I—oh. Oh.” Melanie’s eyes widened. “Oh, fuck.” She turned to Georgie. “You’ve met monsters before.”

Georgie blinked. “Yeah?” she said, drawing out the word a bit, like she wasn’t sure why that was such a big deal.

Melanie cursed under her breath. Sasha leaned in eagerly. “What? When?”

“Not here,” Melanie said swiftly. “Not in public. We—shit, my place is ten minutes by Tube—”

“I live right down the block,” Georgie said, frowning. “If you want to…talk more privately. I can make better drinks at home. Or tea or something.”

“Yeah, sounds good.” Melanie downed her drink quickly—probably too quickly. “C’mon, let’s close out the tab and go.”

Sasha paid for their drinks, on the theory that if this led to a statement she could probably expense it back to the Institute, and hurried after Georgie and Melanie. The wind had died down a little since they’d entered the pub, but it was still overcast and cool, not that Sasha could tell from the speed they were walking. She almost had to run to keep up with them.

Georgie turned out to live in a basement flat in a surprisingly well-kept building, consisting of a kitchen, a sitting room, a bath, and three bedrooms, one of which had been transformed into a studio. The walls were painted light blue, the carpet was an inoffensive beige, and the sofa was a dark green that had seen better days. A low bookshelf bristled with soppy romance novels mingled with books on hauntings and the paranormal, most of which Sasha had read. There were a couple art prints hanging on the wall and a framed photograph of an older couple sitting on top of the bookshelf. There was also a radiator, and curled up on top of said radiator was an extremely fat grey cat. As Georgie shut the door, the cat stirred, yawned, and stretched, revealing that its front paws were both white and had thumbs.

“Who’s this?” Sasha asked, bending down to let the cat sniff her hand. It butted its head against her fingers, obviously wanting to be scratched. Sasha obliged, secretly delighted—she loved cats, and most of the other ones she interacted with on a regular basis were largely indifferent to her or would rather play than cuddle.

“That’s the Admiral. He’s a lazy old man.” Georgie carried on to the kitchen. “What’s your pleasure?”

“Anything with gin,” Melanie said, sounding a bit distracted. Sasha looked up to see her rummaging through her pockets. “Damn…Georgie, do you have a tape recorder we could borrow?”

“A tape recorder?” Georgie repeated, looking over her shoulder with a puzzled frown. “Why?”

“Look, whatever you’re about to tell us—whatever you encountered or ran into or whatever—that’s the sort of thing we deal with at the Institute. It’s what we do, take people’s statements and, and research them or whatever.” Melanie pulled out a cassette tape and frowned at it, turning it over several times. “This one’s probably blank…anyway, we need to record it so we can add it to the Archives.”

Georgie’s frown deepened. “You know, there’s this nifty app on phones these days that records stuff. Or, you know, I have an entire studio of podcast equipment. Recording audio is kind of what I do.”

“For some reason, none of the…real statements will go on digital recordings,” Sasha said, straightening up. The Admiral mewed his displeasure and pawed at her leg. “Claws away, cat. We have to use the tape recorders. If we try to digitally record your statement, it’ll just come out as gibberish.”

“I’ve never had a problem with that.”

“You’ve never recorded a podcast about anything like this,” Melanie said positively. “So. Tape recorder?”

Georgie stood motionless for about five seconds. Finally, she said, “I’ve got one in the studio.”

“Should we set up a ward?” Sasha asked Melanie quietly, as Georgie went to fetch the recorder.

Melanie shook her head. “No need. The statements don’t really draw the Fears they’re about. Probably. Technically. Most likely.”

“Yeah, but they do draw the Eye.”

“You’re…not wrong. However, unless you’re developing Archivist-level powers, we’re probably going to need a little help from the Eye to get a coherent statement.”

Sasha shrugged. “I’ve never tried.”

Georgie came back in and handed Melanie a clunky greenish-grey shoebox recorder. Melanie popped the tape she’d found in her pocket into it and pressed PLAY. Satisfied it was truly blank, she turned to Georgie. “Okay. Where do you want to do this?”

“Are you going to explain to me what ‘this’ is, exactly?” Georgie asked. “Because I have no clue.”

To her credit, Melanie looked embarrassed. “Oh. Right.”

Sasha didn’t want to interfere, but she thought it might help if she made a practical suggestion. “Why don’t we sit down? This might take a while.”

They ended up around the kitchen table, each of them with a gin and tonic with a lime twist—gin wasn’t Sasha’s favorite drink in the world, but she figured it couldn’t hurt. Melanie took a deep breath and pushed the tape recorder to the center of the table. She didn’t touch the RECORD button, though. “Right. What do you want to know? Other than…generally, what.”

Georgie looked from Melanie to Sasha and back. “You said the Magnus Institute…I know generally what it does, look into spooky things and whatnot. And I know they were asking about what you saw at Cambridge Military Hospital. And last week, you said that knowing anything about Information Sciences doesn’t matter all that much in the Archives.”

“I said it matters less than you think. I never said it didn’t matter.” Melanie huffed at her.

“Sorry. So…we’re talking about spooky bullshit, then.”

“More or less.” Melanie took a deep breath. “Okay. Simplest explanation. You said you’d met…monsters before.”

“Yeah?”

“Well…we kind of work for one.”

Georgie blinked. “Oh. That’s…not good.” She paused. “Wait, didn’t you say Jon was your boss? Is he the monster?”

“Kind of,” Sasha said, at the same time as Melanie emphatically and angrily said, “No!”

Georgie looked between the two of them again. “One of you is lying.”

Sasha raised her hand. She wasn’t exactly lying—Jon was certainly beginning to turn into something less than human—but Martin was a hell of a lot further along on that path than Jon was, and she was smart enough to realize that there was a very hard line not to cross. Insinuating that Melanie’s brother—that either of Melanie’s brothers—was a monster was firmly on the other side of that line. “Not really lying, just…misspoke. Jon’s not the monster we work for. He’s closer to it than we are…technically…and it’s affecting him, but he’s not a monster.”

“So his boss is the monster.”

“The answer to that is closer to yes, but still technically no.” Melanie took a deep breath. “There are…there are things beyond the world. Not exactly gods, but powers or…something. We call them the Fears. They live outside our universe, but they’re trying to push in. Sometimes they come in the form of monsters. Other times they choose people to be their…we call them avatars. But they end up getting all these powers, and they start to lose some of their self. Sometimes all of it. It all depends on how hard they fight it.”

Georgie stared at Melanie. “And that’s what Jon is. And that…friend of yours that turned up at the pub?”

“I—yes.” Melanie sighed. “Different powers, though. The one that the Institute serves…so we all kind of serve it, really, Jon’s just the one getting spooky powers from it…we call it the Eye, or the Beholding, or the Ceaseless Watcher, or It Knows You, or…you get the idea. It’s knowledge, or the fear of being watched, of, of being observed. Jon, as the Archivist, can…make people tell him things. When he asks questions, people have to answer him. And the statements—people want to tell him about these things. All he has to do is say ‘tell me’ and they spill their guts. And he gets energy, kind of, from reading the statements, the real ones. I mean, it feeds off of him, too, but…it’s a whole…thing.”

Georgie snorted. “If that’s what the job is about, that explains why he got the job. He was always the one who pushed too far and asked smart-arse, awkward questions. I was always surprised he never got punched.”

Melanie’s eyes flashed, but all she said was, “I think that particular bit of luck’s run out.”

Sasha suppressed a smirk. The fact that Melanie had gone from clearly wanting to knock Jon’s teeth out to being one of his staunchest allies and defenders besides Martin would never cease to amuse her. She also noticed that Melanie hadn’t brought up the fact that Martin also had several of those abilities, and then some—Jon couldn’t see the Marks, as far as Sasha knew, and she’d never heard him suddenly drop into a trance and spill out information he almost certainly shouldn’t have known in that much detail. But she kept quiet about that. She was more interested in seeing how Melanie handled this.

“So, he discovered his boss was evil, making him kind of evil, and…what, just decided to take some time off?” Georgie drummed her fingers on the table for a moment.

“Well, no. There were a couple murders that got blamed on him. Officially, anyway. Nobody in the Archives thought he’d done it—nobody outside the police thought he’d done it—but still, he was suspect number one.”

“Huh. I assume that’s why I had the police asking after him, then.”

Melanie jerked back. “What?”

“It’s fine, I hadn’t heard from him since the breakup,” Georgie said, a piece of information that startled Sasha way more than the casual comment about the police. “Anyway, that makes sense, but you said your…friend was something different?”

“Okay, first of all, Gerry’s not just a friend, he’s practically my brother,” Melanie said, an edge to her voice. “He’s the one who taught me all this stuff, did his best to protect me from it. He’s fought for me—and for Martin—to keep us safe. What happened to him isn’t his fault.”

“Wait. Isn’t that the brother you told me died just before you did the Cambridge Military Hospital job?”

“Same one. He got brought back…well, technically his soul or, or echo or whatever, got bound into a gigantic book of skin, and then the book got burnt and he was accidentally set free and…he sort of made a deal with one of the powers without meaning to. Terminus. The End. Whatever you want to call it.”

“Death?”

“Yeah.”

Georgie sighed, sounding exasperated. “Great. I’ve been talking to another corpse.”

At that point, as much as she wanted to see it play out, Sasha decided to intervene. Melanie was about to absolutely explode, and Sasha had noticed that Georgie still didn’t seem afraid by any of this. She could have been hiding it well, but Sasha really wanted to dig at it and see what was going on, what the limits of that were. “I think that’s a good place to start your statement, actually.”

“Right.” Georgie took a swig of her drink.

“Do you mind if we record this?”

“I suppose it can’t hurt.”

Sasha reached for the recorder, then noticed the button was already depressed. She didn’t call attention to that, though. “Okay. Want us to start you off?”

Georgie shrugged. “Sure. Go for it.”

“Great. Statement of Georgina Barker, regarding a conversation with a corpse. Statement recorded direct from subject, twenty-first April, 2017.” Sasha nodded. “Go ahead. Where did it start?”

“Balliol. It was my first year of university—I was still studying English back then.”

It took a fair bit of prompting on Sasha’s part—Melanie sat with her arms crossed over her chest and a mulish expression on her face—but she eventually managed to draw the sum and substance of the story out of Georgie. She recited the facts of the tale in a calm, emotionless voice that had Sasha completely fascinated. It explained a lot when she described the numbness she’d drifted through the next year in, but not everything.

“But you got your emotions back,” she noted. “Obviously.”

“All but one,” Georgie said slowly. “It’s weird, but—ever since then, I’ve never been able to feel afraid. I mean, I can still tell when a situation is dangerous—like today—and I understand the likelihood of harm, so I don’t take stupid risks. But actual fear?” She shook her head. “Simply not something I experience anymore. And I’ve never been able to tell if it was cauterized…or stolen.”

“Neither,” Melanie said shortly. “From what you described, it was meant to bring everyone to a state of existential dread. ‘The moment you die will feel exactly the same as this one’—you weren’t supposed to let that motivate you. It was supposed to render you paralytic, catatonic with despair. Shit, I bet that was someone’s go at a Terminus ritual—draw a big enough group of people waiting for death, Death’s going to come in, and maybe get enough power to break through and take over. I bet you disrupted it by surviving. And the only way you survived was by leaving your fear behind, like a rat’s tail caught in a trap. It’s gone, and it probably won’t grow back, but they didn’t want it. You left it.”

Sasha picked at the logic. It made as much sense as anything. “Well. That certainly explains a lot.”

“Thanks,” Georgie said dryly. “What do you mean by a Terminus ritual?”

Melanie glanced at her watch. “We should probably get going if we’re going to make it to the shop by eight.”

“Just a minute.” Sasha didn’t know why Melanie was so keen to keep knowledge from Georgie, why she was hiding so much, but it only felt fair to answer that question. “Most of the servants of these powers have plans for rituals to try and bring the powers into the world. Right now we’re trying to stop the Stranger from doing theirs, but we know there are others. We thought the End didn’t have one, but after what you just said, we’re not so sure anymore.”

“Hmm.” Georgie pursed her lips. “Okay. Sorry, I know you two have an appointment, and I don’t want your friend to think I’m keeping you against your will. Go ahead, we can catch up some other time. It was nice to meet you, Sasha.”

“You, too.” Sasha got to her feet and held out her hand; Georgie shook it. “C’mon, Melanie, let’s get a move on.”

“Sure.” Melanie stood, but she avoided Georgie’s eyes as she swiped up the recorder and popped out the tape. “Nice to see you again.”

Sasha gave the Admiral one last chin scritch, and then they were out the door.

Not until they were on the train did Sasha turn to Melanie and ask, “So what was that all about?”

“She’s an aphobe,” Melanie confessed. “She and Jon dated, that’s how they knew each other, and she said some things last week when we met up that basically made me realize the reason they broke up was because Jon’s asexual and she was trying to make him not be. Turns out I’m still mad about that.”

“That’s…probably fair. I didn’t know you liked him that much.”

“We’re too much alike. We would end up either best friends or at each other’s throats. And he’s dating my brother, so that’d be a dick move.” Melanie sighed and studied the tape. “When did you turn it on?”

“It was already on. I have no clue what’s on there.”

Melanie stared vacantly at the opposite wall of the train. “I guess we’ll find out in a bit.”

Sasha nodded. “I guess so.”

#ollie writes fanfic #to find promise of peace (and the solace of rest) #tma fanfic #sasha james #melanie king #georgie barker #arguments #hostility #mention of death #alcohol cw #mention of aphobia

[aropride]

(ID: two memes using the "it's 2023 i'm done arguing / if you hate X i'm straight up murdering you" meme format. the first says "asexuals" and has a picture of the ace pride flag, and the second says "aromantics" and has a picture of the aro pride flag. end ID)

#text #I LOVE U ACES I LOVE U AROS #aphobia mention #peer reviewed banger

[redysetdare]

Fandoms can be so blatantly aphobic and the moment any aspec person points this out it's "stop ruining our fun!"

Fandom erasing an aspec character and it's "The character didn't have a canon sexuality" "People have different headcanons!" "let people have fun!"

Fandom ships an aro/aroace character and erasing their aromanticism and it's "some aro people date!" "it's actually a QPR (lie)" "You're homophobic!" "Who cares? let people have fun!" "It's not hurting anyone!!!" "You're just hating on my ship!!! you're starting ship discourse!!!" "It's just a ship it's not real!!!"

Fandom will purposefully make characters they dont like "Heartless" "Unlovable" "they dont feel love" and justify it with "They're awful and terrible and evil" and "no it's not aphobic! you're aphobic actually for assuming these are connected to aspec people at all uwu"

Fandom will create soulmate AUs and when aspec people express how aphobic those AUs tend to be they throw a fit and say "it's just fiction! it doesn't hurt anyone!" "Platonic soulmates exist!!!" "You're just a hater!!!"

it's always "Stop ruining OUR fun" ignoring the fact that the are actively hurting aspec communities by consistently pushing and normalizing aphobia and amatonormativity within fandom spaces. Because aphobia is their fun. They don't want us in their spaces unless we conform to their comforts.

#text #fandom #aphobia #aspec #aro #ace #aromantic #asexual #loveless aro #loveless #this is mostly aro and ace specific becuz its what i have experienced but aplatonics an other a-attractions feel free to add ur experiences #im sure there are a ton against you guys that i just havent seen #romance mention

[decolonize-the-left]

Ive seen an influx in posts asking the LGBT community to hold itself accountable for ace/aro bigotry and they're fucking right.

How are we supposed to hold homophobes and transphobes accountable and demand they do better when we won't even do that for each other?

We're a community right? A family who's supposed to look out for each other? What happened to everyone being valid? Is a sibling saying "you hurt me, please correct it somehow" not valid?

For my part I'll admit I was part of this.

I was on the side of the asexual exclus back in the late 00's/early 10's. I was deep in the belief that oppression had to be systematic in order to count and at the time I didn't see any systematic oppression faced by aces. I even identified as ace and I didn't consider myself oppressed for being asexual. I saw the hostility and vitriol directed at aces everyday...but I didn't see it as wrong. I didn't see it as bigotry. I saw it as righteous anger.

I know how awful things were because I was one of the people making them that way. There is Real trauma that was experienced. There's no fucking way that a normal person could be invalidated that much and take the vitriolic bigotry aces/aros did everyday and have it not leave a lasting impact.

I fucked up. That was wrong and awful of me and I'm genuinely so fucking sorry.

I see the broken trust and promises between us now in 2023 and I see how shattered the community is and it's partly my fault. That gap is there because of me and people like me.

We should have loved and supported and welcomed you. We should have saw the way you were being treated and said something. You deserved to be protected and loved and supported from people who treated you that way.

And you weren't. We didn't. And it was normalized.

We absolutely fucking failed you as a community and as human beings. I need to own that. And I need to be one of the first people to trying to repair that.

And I know an apology is barely even a first step and I know it's just a drop in a giant bucket but I am sorry. For everything it's worth to you, I'm sorry.

Because of me and people like me you experienced the kind of identity trauma that typically only homophobes are capable of. And you experienced it at the hands of the community that's supposed to be fighting specifically that sort of ignorance against a-typical sexualities.

We fucked up

And it'd just be hypocritical salt in the wound if 10+ years later we ignored your asks for accountability and didn't do anything about it when it's resurfacing.

So yeah.

I was a bigot. I hurt people. I hurt my own community. I thought I was right and I wasn't. I was wrong. And so is everyone who insists on continuing that today.

There is no excuse or justification for it. I thought there was too but I was wrong and I'm gonna spend the rest of my life making up for it.

Whatever justification you find for treating people with a-typical sexualities and genders is shit. It has no leg to stand on and it sure as hell isn't being done for the sake of the community.

The LGBT community was founded not by people with checklists on how to be a Good Gay or Acceptable trans woman but by people being treated like shit for who they were choosing to love or not love. It was founded by people who's gender didn't fit in cishet boxes. It was founded by people who just wanted to be free to exist as themselves.

You can't treat asexuals or aros or bisexuals or pansexuals like shit and say that it's in the name of the LGBT community.

It's not.

It spits in the face of everything our community is supposed to be and it's time someone besides aces and aros said it.

None of us should be okay with how they're treated and all of us should be part of stopping it

#aces #aros #asexuality #queer history #asexual history #i threw in the others because the bigotry for them back then overlapped a LOT #i didnt personally have a hand in anything against the other identities mentioned but itd be wrong not to include them i think #lgbt #queer #ace discourse #lesbian #gay #bisexual #transgender #asexual #aromantic #lgbt history #aphobe #aphobia #aphobic

[hoarder-of-stories-27]

Aspec people who use the label “queer”, you’re so important. I’m glad you exist.

Aspec people who would use the label but feel they can’t because of aphobia, I’m so sorry. I wish you safety and peace.

Aspec people in general, I hope you’re having a good day. You deserve a community that accepts you.

#queer positivity #aro positivity #ace positivity #aroace positivity #aspec positivity #demi positivity #demisexual positivity #demiromantic positivity #asexual positivity #aromantic positivity #acespec positivity #arospec positivity #encouragement #my posts #/aphobia mention

[taxi-boi]

the vees are so funny because you know val would say some aphobic shit like "what do you MEAN someone can form meaningful bonds that transcend sex and even romance but especially sex. what do you MEAN not everyones lives revolve around fucking and sucking or atleast like loving if your into that shit"  (romance nuetral arospec allosexual)

meanwhile his on again off again boytoy fuckpartner vox has never truly been sexually attracted to anyone in his life (high libido sex positive ace demi-aro with a propensity for alterous attraction *cough one-sided radiostatic cough*)

and the both of them are in a commited platonic/business relationship with velvette who has absolutely no sexual or romantic interest in either of them (idk if shes a lesbian or aspec or bi and they're just not her type in that way; but its all the same result)

and yet none of them view their partnership as anything below or lesser than compared to the romantic and sexual relationships they do have. if not outright being more important than those (QPR-cule) 

and ofcourse vox and vel will be standing right alongside valentino as he says this, nodding along without a hint of sarcasm or self awareness because they also genuinely think they believe the same thing.

and if you try to point this out to any of them (and somehow convince them that what they have going on is queer platonic and aspec in nature) they'll just be like "yeah but we're The Vees, we're overlords, we can just do whatever the Fuck (or lack there of) we want" and you know what they're right

#and vox wonders why alastor rejected his -business- proposal #alastor also doesn't really know hes aroace but he knows enough not to show up in val-centric episodes #i need to write fics for those fr fr #ok so tags.... #hazbin hotel #the vees #polyvees #valentino #vox #hazbin vox #hazbin velvette #hazbin valentino #velvette #staticmoth #voxval #wont tag individual velvette ships since its explicitly platonic #onewaybroadcast #asexual vox #i sidnt mention it in the post so i wont tag it but broker doll is part of this in my soul #mythinks #aromantic #asexual #aroace #aphobia #god what a combination of tags #suggestive #this is honestly my least deranged take / headcanon for hazbin #not my fault every character is aspec thats just a coincidence #diversity win the worst people you know etc etc

[mirrorofliterature]

amatonormativity is one of the most harmful forces in society, actually.

it’s incredibly structural, and invisible, and if you don’t live outside striving for the monogamous ideals, it can be incredibly normalised to a very toxic extent

amatonormativity:

- contributes to abuse (people staying in relationships because they are manipulated into thinking that some romantic relationship is better than none)

- high divorce rates

- unhappy marriages

- unhappy relationships

- inability to live alone

- devaluing of friendship

- is underpinned and underpins ableism (disabled people’s humanity is often judged on their capacity for sex and love, particularly romantic)

idk, maybe we should take this seriously? all a lot of freedom movements - particularly feminism - are striving for are giving people choice on what to do with their lives.

amatonormativity is the societal norm. it is real, it is not good for anyone. relationship anarchy is cool.

anyway.

#amatonormativity #aphobia #arophobia particularly #and discussing the social stigma on polyamory obliquely #tw abuse mention #divorce #I just think measuring how human someone is based on anything other than the fact that they are alive is always going to end badly #I saw a post earlier saying that aphobia is largely albeism #and oof I agree #particularly when it comes to people who have disorders like NPD or BPD #they are so dehumanised #like just treat other humans with basic respect and dignity? #literally the bare minimum

[thisvegetabledoesntfallinlove]

having aromantic feelings in this denny’s tonight bc i had to go on a blocking spree yet again.

I just think like... people don’t know shit about what it’s like to be aromantic. aphobes complain about the Fandomization Of Pride and say shit like “asexuality is basically a fandom thing; if your community is entirely online and based around tumblr tags and headcanons, you cant possibly compare it to actual real life gay experiences”

and like. i have some bad fucking news for you about gay people who live in super homophobic backwater small towns. I’ve known plenty of gay people who were completely closeted irl and whos entire interaction with queerness was online communities, especially gay shipping. that doesn’t mean there aren’t other gay people in those homophobic little towns, its just often too dangerous to look for them. there are definitely other aro people in my backwater little town! I just can’t find them. I’m not saying this is the best way to interact with the queer community! or even a good way! for instance, nobody gives a shit about gay vs aro or bi vs pan irl! this drama is all internet shit! but being terminally online is certainly not a problem unique to aspec people.

honestly, as someone who’s trans, bisexual and aromantic, the thing that’s actually made my life the most difficult for cishets to swallow is the aromantic part. my backwater town is fairly liberal, so they can be chill about the gay thing, they can even tolerate the trans thing, but not getting married???? what do you mean you can’t be like the sweater-wearing chaste gay dads in the commercials? what do you mean you don’t want to date but you still want to have sex???????

nothing about my identity is palatable. nothing about me is relatable or marketable. my life, my future, my happiness, looks completely alien to your average cishet. the first time I told someone irl that I was aromantic, the immediate reaction was “oh my god I’m so sorry” as if I just said I had cancer.

like. actually. yknow what. yeah I think the aromantic experience is very easy to compare to my experience as a disabled person. its because I’m fundamentally missing something that Typical People consider completely intrinsically tied to their worth and their happiness. what’s the point of life if you can’t get married? whats the point of life if you can’t have a job? “i’m so sorry to hear you’ll never experience the be all end all of human existence; retiring to live comfortably with your aging partner as your grown children take up the mantle of your legacy.”

people don’t know what its like to be aromantic. they think of it as a tumblr tag, or headcanons, because the only time they bother to interact with aromanticism is when they’re complaining about our headcanons. no one can deny that aspec identity in this decade is intrinsically connected to the internet, in the same way that no one can say that gay identity in 1970s and 80s america wasn’t intrinsically connected to gay bars. its because That’s How You Meet People. queer people have always taken whatever was the current way for humans to connect to each other and carved out their own space.

aromanticism is in the stage where its hard to find other people, and no one knows what you are, and if you explain it to them they think you’re sick. we’re in the stage where we don’t get a lot of explicit canon representation, we have to scrape by on aro readings and subtext and coding.

and it IS coding! its coding! I don’t care if aromanticism wasn’t named yet back then! there are plenty of instances of queer coding from before we had words like “trans” or “gay” or “lesbian” or even “queer.” what matters is that someone somewhere was like “this character has the experience of not feeling the socially mandated attraction to the opposite binary gender,” which is a queer experience whether the person feeling it is gay or aromantic. just like bisexuality and lesbianism weren’t separated for a long time because straight society didn’t care if the wlw could also technically like men, lesbianism and aromanticism and asexuality weren’t separated because straight society didn’t care if the woman who wouldn’t get married to a man wanted to kiss girls or not.

this is way longer than I intended it to be and it got kinda rambly and train-of-thought, and I don’t think I really have any particular conclusion here. just aro feelings. idk if this makes sense but I’m tired of trying to edit it to make more sense so I’m just hitting post

#actually aromantic #actually aro #aromanticism #alloaro #actually autistic #aspec #aphobia mention #queer #queerness #long post

[anti-terf-posts]

One time I saw a TERF on Tumblr make fun of an asexual r*pe victim (the whole "you want to be oppressed so bad" BS) and I think that was the moment I finally realized TERFs are not actually anti-r*pe. They're not worried about trans people being predators nor do they care about r*pe victims. They just use that as a cover to make their transphobia look like feminism. It's absolutely disgusting and I can't wait until more people see TERFs as what they really are.

terfs stop being horrible people in every way challenge IMPOSSIBLE

#asks #anon #rape tw #terf mention #aphobia tw

[themadcapmathematician]

One of the most frustrating thing abt aspec oppression is people refusing to understand that people don't just desexualized us, they don't just think "oh they're little babies that don't understand how adulthood works UwU pure beans", people project extremely sexual things onto us all the time. They treat us as subhuman predators that can never have a consensual romantic or sexual encounter and in fact are actively harmful to our partners, to our friends, to strangers, to children. They specifically treat alloaros like all they care about is sex and they just don't give a shit about their partners feelings, like they're preying on them. They call ace people "incels", like our problem is that we secretly want sex so bad but we just can't get it because we're undesirable, horrible people.

People are obsessed with our sex lives even if there's an assumed lack of them, they're obsessed with talking abt how much we fuck, with asking us extremely uncomfortable questions abt if and how we have sex, how many partners we have, is it a problem with our bodies? Do we at least look at porn or masturbate? Do we just like to have a quick fuck with someone without commitment? Do we like taking advantage of our partners pity or desperation? Are we talking to a therapist or doctor about getting that fixed?

Being aspec is treated a LOT like a kink, in fact I'd say the way people talk about kink is almost exactly the same way people talk about aro and ace identities. Can a relationship with you even be real or healthy? Can you even consent? Can your partner? Why would you do that to yourself, why would you do that to someone else?

That's not even getting into corrective rape, which is a really common experience among aspecs. It's honestly chilling to me to think about how a chronic experience in aspec communities is people violating our boundaries and consent, often with the intent of "fixing us", and yet people keep treating us as if our oppression can be summed up as, like, lacking any association with sex in a way that we're treated as pure and innocent. No, we are treated as subhuman (which, by the way, so are children), we are treated as receptacles for allo ppls own chronic discomfort with sex as a concept

#actually aromantic #actually asexual #actually aroace #aphobia #lgbtq #csa mention #madcap rants

[hasattory689]

Kinda ironic how the ace attorney fandom, who has the word "ace" in it, is packed full of aphobic lgbt+ exclusionists.

Headcanoning a character as asexual, aromantic or as aroace is as valid as any other queer headcanon. Even if some here have the IQ of a rock and cannot comprehend that.

#ace attorney #vent post #lurking #aphobia mention #ace #aro #aroace #lgbt exclusionists dni #i was lurking on some blogs that I enjoy #and i saw a post talking about not imposing headcanons onto others or claim they are canon #and how that type of behavior got someone nearly doxxed for having an aroace hc of a popular character who is hc as gay #and in the comments there was already someone saying that aroace doesn't equal queer #and that that person should be sent to russia or the middle east #so they could be confortable #not only was that xenophobic as fuck #and islamophobic #but fucking acephobic as well #just bc someone in the past didn't make mile edgeworth gay in their minds #fucking wild behavior #less smoking grass and more touching it #internet brainrot #fandom wank #fandom drama #cw aphobia #cw exclusionism #Lgbt exclusionists can go fuck off #sexuality wank #lgbt headcanons #queer headcanons #fandom police

[aropride]

exclusionists saying they dont want ace discourse to come back bc it's "annoying" and "childish" or whatever is so... like, okay man. personally i don't want it to come back bc the amount of death and rape threats i've gotten for being aspec has significantly decreased since it stopped being trendy to openly mock us. and i'd like being aspec online to be a little bit safer for as long as possible. but sorry aspecs rightfully existing in queer spaces and asking not to be harassed is annoying to you, i guess. that sounds really hard to deal with.

#but i do still get em every time i have anon on and a post abt being aro gets a little too big . #text #rape mention #aphobia #discourse #(last two sentences of the post are sarcasm)

[blubefishy]

I think what hbomberguy missed out on his video was the way James Somerton also dismissed ace people's oppression by claiming that they didn't 'go through conversion therapy' or apparently 'suffered as much as gay men'.

So here's a video I want to share by the Ace Couple going into depth about the whole thing and how James reacted when called out... spoilers, he didn't react well. I just hope by James' mistakes he and other people can learn something and grow.

#mentions of sa racial violence and acephobic + homophobic slurs in the video so be careful #they also go into depth about how they funded his movie projects and how they got fucked around basically #i think maybe hbomber missed this or maybe the video was too long already so no hate towards him at all #tw conversion therapy #tw aphobia #tw acephobia #lgbt+ #lgbt #queer #asexual #tw harrassment #james somerton #hbomberguy #Youtube

[anti-spop]

i hate it when ppl justify g/limbow by using the argument that glimmer was jealous of bow going to the prom with perfuma in s1, therefore it was romantic.

but like... have you guys NEVER been jealous of a friend? seriously? because i've been and that is NOT strictly romantic. besides, bow rlly was glimmer's only friend before adora came, so it's understandable why she would be jealous. yeah she didn't deal with it in a healthy way at first, but i've been in glimmer's place. when you're insecure and you have little to no friends your whole life, you might get upset imagining that said friend is going to leave you. is it irrational? yeah, maybe. but again, it's understandable.

honestly this just screams amatonormativity to me. yeah, this definitely is the show's fault by shitting on all platonic relationships to fulfill the romantic ones, but fandoms overall definitely promote amatonormativity. and i say this again and again, but the spop fandom in particular is VERY aphobic.

#i post #spop critical #aphobia mention tw #anti stans #idk who thought that jealousy is romantic only #it's a very natural feeling

[no-passaran]

Hi, it's Asexuality Awareness Week and I would like to share one of the reasons why it's important to raise awareness: including asexuality in legal protection.

One of the reasons why legal protections are necessary is the case of asylum seekers. Asexual asylum seekers, who are endangered in their home country, are routinely not accepted as asylum seekers because the legislation protects LGBT people but doesn't include asexuality in the acronym.

Let's see a couple of examples:

In 2018, an Algerian man applied for asylum in the Netherlands, explaining that he feared being persecuted in his country of origin for being asexual and for refusing to marry his niece.

The Netherlands, a country that accepts LGBTI asylum seekers, did not accept this man's asylum request because asexuality is not mentioned as being in the LGBTI. The court also said that asexuality is not punishable in Algeria. But not being legally called by its name and explicitly punished does not mean asexual people don't face discrimination, forced marriages, and threats of violence and rape. (Marriage itself, by the laws in most of the world, must include "consummation", whether the people involved want to or not).

This is the case of a 26-year-old woman living in Senegal, using the pseudonym Jade. Her family, across the border in Guinea, demanded that she find a man to marry. Her sister told her that if she didn’t, their parents would force her to wed a man who would rape her.

In Guinea and Senegal, forced marriages are common – the same sister who threatened Jade was in one herself. Divorce is also heavily stigmatised – when one of Jade’s cousins told her abusive husband she wanted a divorce, he said he would shoot her, her mother and himself.

Jade is a sex-repulsed asexual woman. She feared being married to someone she didn’t love and being subjected to so-called “corrective rape” until she bore children.

She considered suicide.

Her mother suggested sending her to therapy to fix her "aversion to marriage", when Jade refused, the mother said she'd "fix" her herself. She had Jade lay on the floor while she put her hand on her chest and prayed over her, asking afterwards whether she felt any different.

For a while, Jade’s last resort was escaping West Africa permanently. After she began studying in the US, it became her first choice. When researching what her options were, she found the case from the Netherlands that we've talked about before this one. She also found that legislations that aim to protect LGBTQI around the world don't include asexuality.

At present, the only piece of legislation which explicitly mentions asexuality is New York’s Sexual Orientation Non-Discrimination Act of 2003. However, that didn’t help Jade. A New York lawyer told Jade that there was no information as to whether asexuality was grounds for asylum in the US. After a long process of trying in the USA, she couldn't make it but after a year and a half she found an opportunity to do an internship in Ireland, where she lives now.

Since leaving West Africa, Jade has learned that her parents had chosen a husband for her without her knowledge, not long before she managed to escape. She says that, had she not been able to escape, she wouldn't be alive today.

This is what people mean when they say "asexuals aren't LGBTI!", "We can't have asexuals stealing our resources!". These are the kind of resources they mean: the ones that could save the life of a person being discriminated against for not being heterosexual heteroromantic and not conforming to the normative ideas of what their love and sex life should be like. An issue that is deeply shared with the rest of the LGBTQIA+ community.

#💬 #ace #ace awareness #asexual awareness week #asexual #asexuality #actually asexual #lgbt #lgbtqia #queer #asylum seekers #aphobia #acephobia #asexual awareness #queer rights #suicide mention tw #rape mention tw

[the-lone-witch-and-secret-room]

Just saw something that pissed me off, so: sex favorable aces are asexual. Just because you have sex and maybe enjoy that sex doesn’t mean you can’t be asexual.

Asexuality can include not wanting to have sex whatsoever (sex repulsed aces, which I am personally) or having sex for the sake of a partner but not actively seeking it out/enjoying it (sex neutral), but disliking sexual acts isn’t a requirement to be asexual.

What makes sex-favorable aces asexual is the fact that they don’t feel sexual attraction.

This is something that’s pretty universally shared between all asexual people, regardless of whether you fall under sex repulsed, sex neutral or sex favorable.

Other identities under the ace umbrella also include sexual attraction in their definition, e.g. demisexual, where you only start to feel sexual attraction when you have a bond with someone, and greysexual, where you feel sexual attraction, but only sometimes, under certain circumstances.

Asexuality is not just about the act of sex! It’s not about libido! There isn’t one way to be asexual, and just because you personally aren’t sex favorable doesn’t mean you can tell those people that they’re not actually ace because they don’t fit your definition! It’s shitty!

I’ve said this before, I will say it again: you do not get to dictate other people’s sexualities. Being queer doesn’t give you the right to be shitty to other queer people because you don’t understand their identities. Being ace does not give you the right to be shitty to other aces just because you don’t understand their identities.

Aroace people already struggle to be included in the queer community because people don’t consider us queer enough. Pray tell, why the fuck are we then throwing people out of the ace community for not being ace enough, for not fitting your cut-and-dry definition of asexual?

Sex-favorable aces are already super underrepresented in the asexual community. Don’t tell them to shut up because they’ll “confuse allo people” or they’re “twisting what asexuality actually is”. Do not tell marginalized people to shut up about their identity and experiences, ever.

Allo people are being aphobic and shitty because they do not care about us. They don’t care enough to do basic research, to even try to understand us or take our word for what our identity is. They don’t think we’re queer enough and think we just want attention.

This wouldn’t change if sex favorable aces didn’t exist. The only thing you’re doing is making other people feel shitty about who they are to appease people who already hate us or at least can’t be bothered to understand our identities.

Sex favorable aces can barely say anything online and they’ll immediately be accused of not actually being asexual from all sides. Why the fuck are we contributing to that?

Yes, allo people take the fact that sex favorable aces exist to write asexual characters in sexual relationships. But they write them the same way they’d write an allo person having sex, because they can’t be bothered to try and understand sex favorable aces either! They don’t care about any of us! They just want to make an asexual character allo and take the fact that sex favorable aces exist as an excuse.

This is not on sex favorable aces!! It’s on aphobes being shitty!!!

They’d still make ace characters have sex regardless of this because they don’t think we’re valid and don’t think that sex repulsed people can be in a happy relationship because relationships aren’t “real” relationships without sex.

Sex neutral people also have sex sometimes. We shouldn’t be invalidating them for that either. Stop being shitty to fellow aces just because they have sex and potentially don’t despise it!

Also, this part going out specifically to allos since I keep hearing this shit too: yes, some allo people are absolutely down to be in a relationship with ace people and not have sex. These conversations should absolutely be had before you enter a relationship, draw lines on what you are and aren’t okay with. But someone knowingly entering a relationship with an ace person is not being led on if that ace person doesn’t end up wanting sex! Ace people aren’t being selfish or malicious or manipulative for agreeing to be in relationships with allo people who are cool with having an ace partner!

You have no problem imagining an ace person being in a relationship with an allo person and compromising by having sex with them. Why is it so difficult to imagine the allo person could be the one to compromise and not have sex? Relationships are about so much more than just sex.

#eleena rants #asexuality #ace positivity #sex favorable #sex neutral #sex repulsed #queer community #ace community #I’m so annoyed can you guys not #aphobia #tw sex mention #long post