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pierrai · 3 months

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Hello!! Because I like the psychology behind your characters, I was wondering whether any of your OCs have any mental illnesses?

Thank you for the request! I am not a professional when it comes to mental health but I will try my best to poorly diagnose my OCs! I was quite broad with categorising them and included personality types or minor ailments along with actual mental illnesses.

Character: Multiple Word Count: 2396 Scenario: OC Mental Illnesses Warnings: Discussion of mental health, possibly triggering backstories, suicide

While I feel Mira is mentally stable for the most part and likely doesn't fall any category of mental illness, he definitely has trouble processing his own identity and emotions. He is an innate people-pleaser and will often think in terms of how his actions will make the other person happy rather than whether it's something he wants to actually do.

His lack of memories of his past also don't help in giving him a sense of identity. As he can't remember where he came from or who his family is, he couldn't exactly say for certain who he is now or what sort of person he should be.

This isn't a mental illness, but Mira often struggles to read and probably has dyslexia.

Although I've previously categorised Eliot as having BPD, I actually think his symptoms line up better with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) with severe abandonment issues and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) sprinkled on top, though his symptoms definitely overlap, and it is possible that he has comorbid illnesses. He also very obviously has a god complex.

Due to his upbringing of believing he is a god, he is incredibly narcissistic and entitled. He craves validation and praise to boost his ego, is easily jealous yet is quick to say other people are jealous of him when criticised, he has low empathy towards people he sees as below him, and he is able (with varying amounts of success) to manipulate such people without remorse when it's for his own gain. These are all symptoms that align with NPD.

Also thanks to his upbringing and more particularly, the traumatic event that led to the death of his cult, Eliot would likely also suffer from PTSD. Any topic relating to demons causes him to freeze up in fear, and he is frequently plagued with nightmares that bring him back to this dreadful event in his past.

Though he doesn't admit it out-loud, Eliot is filled with a self-loathing born from his survivor's guilt, another symptom of PTSD, which grows especially strong when he goes to sulk in the ruins of his old church. Instead of countering any symptoms of NPD, this probably only worsens it, as he'll compensate for his self-hatred by propping himself back up even higher rather than processing his feelings properly.

His abandonment issues are the cherry on top. As he has suffered what he calls 'betrayals' (his mother leaving him and Thysia and his cultists dying), he is extremely wary of being left alone again and often resorts to extremes to make sure that eventuality doesn't come to pass. This is probably the symptom of his that aligns best with BPD, as Eliot will form intense relationships and become incredibly possessive and clingy.

Similarly to Eliot, Nen would suffer from PTSD, especially the symptom of survivor's guilt, though he'd express this more obviously than Eliot would.

He is one of the only survivors of the massacre his village suffered, and since he was saved by his older half-brother, guilt for his death would be the main symptom of his PTSD.

He spends most of his days disconnected from life, doing nothing in particular and avoiding anyone he could possibly form a relationship with as he doesn't believe himself to be worthy of such things. He believes wholeheartedly that he should've died with the rest of his village, or better yet, died in their place.

He holds a lot of self-hatred as it is, but part of this hate is also misdirected towards humans as well. His past experience with the humans he has encountered (all being bad) has left him extremely wary and mostly hateful towards their race as a whole.

It could also be said that Nen is somewhere on the autistic spectrum. In both his childhood and early adulthood, he's struggled to understand how other people and their interpersonal relationships worked and often found interest in activities others in his village would call 'weird', but this could also simply be attributed to a lack of experience and purposeful othering, so this is up for interpretation.

Haine likely only had minor mental disturbances as a human, but as a demon, he fits into the classifications for sadistic personality disorder. More specifically, he fits into the category of 'enforcing sadism'. These types of sadists 'rightfully' inflict pain on others and take pleasure from it. Though sadists of this type are often in fields such as law and police enforcement that allow them to do so legally, Haine's status as a demon puts him in a similar 'justified' field.

As a demon, Haine believes the suffering he is inflicting on others is justified thanks to the hatred he holds towards most humans, especially those he chooses to torment as they often have personalities similar to ones he's been wronged by in the past. He believes these people deserve what they are getting and he is simply doing good by getting rid of them and using them for a far higher purpose.

He neither feels remorse nor guilt for the people he tortures and instead gets satisfaction out making them suffer, even for people he cares for, though this is mostly when he's in the early stages of developing feelings for someone. For him at least, it is possible for him to feel guilt about pain he's inflicted when he truly begins to love someone, which sadists are still capable of. Even if he is, in a sense, 'reformed', he will only really correct his behaviour for his partner's sake. He'll still be capable of cruelty and have low empathy towards anyone he doesn't deeply care about. If he were to lose his lifeline, it would likely be easy for him to sink right back into his sadistic lifestyle out of grief or revenge.

Sadistic personality disorder can develop due to violence and mistreatment during childhood. Haine was abused by his father, neglected by his mother, and frequently was exposed to both poverty and violence growing up. Having only abuse as his reference point, he often thought of violent solutions to his problems, such as killing his parents to stop his suffering, yet never acted upon them as he believed this would make him no better than them.

His more violent thoughts and tendencies were kept in check when he worked under his mentor, Alastor, and he genuinely strived to be a just and good person up until the point he was betrayed and subsequently killed, at which point he began to despise humans, who were so fickle they couldn't see that he was trying to help them and cheered as he was burnt at the stake.

Though not a mental illness, Haine likely also has a fear of fire due to the circumstances of his death. Though his pride keeps him from openly showing extreme fear towards it, seeing an open flame from something as small as a torch or a campfire makes him severely uncomfortable, and he can't stand to be around it for long. As a demon, he can recover from many mortal wounds and barely break a sweat, but an easy way to shatter his composure and make him act impulsively is through burning him (or attempting to).

I wanted to label Jun as having a saviour complex, but considering he genuinely has good intentions and doesn't present some of the more harmful effects of this psychological construct, he might instead simply have symptoms of PTSD that compel him to help people out to compensate for when he wasn't able to in his past.

Though Jun wants to 'fix' people, he won't be pushy about it or insist that he knows what he's doing. He is self-aware enough to know when he's doing more harm than good and has never sought to completely change a person to what he thinks is right.

Instead his need to help people is to absolve himself of the guilt he feels towards his deceased friend, who he was unable to save from going down a darker path. He wants to make sure the same fate never befalls anyone else, and this event in his past has had a very profound impact on how he lives in the present.

The most depressed of my OCs would be Oliver, who likely has major depressive disorder or simply, depression. His life has not allowed him much reason to be happy, and so from his childhood to his adult life, he has been consistently miserable.

He never got the attention or love he wanted from his parents, and ever since his younger brother, the favourite of the family, passed away, he has felt resentful towards everyone and had little interest in ever making his life any better. His mother's suicide and his father's alcoholism certainty didn't help either.

He is complacent in his misery and simply drinks away the pain when it becomes too much to handle, even if he's aware doing so makes him a hypocrite when he blames his father for doing the same. Thanks to his parents always mourning the son they lost and never appreciating the son they still had, he has low self esteem, something that likely didn't improve when he was thrust into noble society and forced to live through its rigorous expectations. His feelings towards his sexuality, which he sees as some sort of deviancy, also fuel his self-hatred.

He's probably the OC with the strongest suicidal ideation. If it weren't for his cowardice, he likely would've hanged himself so he can finally rest for good, but because of his fear and the responsibility he feels to care for his father, he's instead settled for slowly drinking himself to death instead.

Damien is a difficult character to categorise, and I don't feel he fits into any type of mental illness, though he certainly is disturbed. I wanted to label him as a sociopath or a psychopath, but his lack of impulsivity and ability to plan ahead means he wouldn't fit into the criteria for anti-social personality disorder (ASPD), and while he fits a majority of he symptoms for psychopathy (lack of empathy, ability to charm and manipulate others, disregard of morality), his ability to feel love, twisted as it may be, means he likely doesn't fit into this category either.

During his childhood, Damien experienced an event that awakened a dark curiosity deep inside him, but from an early age, he learned to mask this desire and became adept at manipulating people into liking him for his own convenience. He enjoys experimenting on others, not particularly because he's a sadist and gleams pleasure from it, but because he thrives from gaining understanding and knowledge from even the most depraved of things. He can show sadistic qualities and enjoy the reactions he gets from those he makes suffer, but that isn't what drives him.

And again, unlike psychopaths, Damien is fully capable of falling in love, though his version of love is dark and messed up. He'll only really be captured by one person and will want to dedicate himself to them completely, and though his love may seem more like a sadistic obsession, he both enjoys sexual and romantic intimacy with his partners which is a characteristic not found in psychopaths. He believes his form of love is the purest form of love there can be, even if he still retains a lack of empathy and disregard of morality with his partner.

The one most like to have borderline personality disorder (BPD) is Alastor. He was frequently neglected in his childhood and often resorted to extremes to garner attention and affection from his family. He believes that both his family, especially his brother, abandoned him and left him to fend for himself, causing him to become bitter and hateful.

As he was never given the attention he likely needed, he ended up getting into unhealthy habits when he was young such as drinking, smoking, gambling and reckless sex to compensate. Al displays the impulsivity, emotional instability, attention-seeking behaviour and intense relationships that are often seen in BPD. His unhealthy coping mechanisms allow him to dull his emotions or emphasise the positive ones, whilst his tendency to sleep around lets him fill the void and gain temporary gratification from short-term attachments.

When Al is properly attached to someone, he can be extremely possessive and jealous, another symptom of BPD that reflects his fear of abandonment. Al wants to keep those close to him as close to him as possible, and whilst he's allowed to do whatever he wants in the relationship, he doesn't allow his partner the same. To him, this could be a threat to his control and thus gives his partner space to eventually abandon him.

Al is basically all of the most negative aspects of BPD and expresses them in the most selfish ways he can. He isn't devoid of empathy like other OCs, but he definitely has a low amount empathy and cares little for anyone that isn't himself or someone he cares deeply for. He's fine using others however he wants or lying when he wants to, and almost never feels bad about it or like he's in the wrong. If anything, he'll often guilt-trip or gaslight people into believing they were in the wrong instead.

Orion is mentally stable and doesn't show any signs of mental illness per se, but you could argue he's a victim of golden child syndrome. As he is the eldest child of his family, he was prioritised over his other siblings and had to take on a lot of responsibility from a young age. He was forced, indirectly or not, to strive for perfection in every aspect of his life so he could be the perfect heir for his parents and was given little affection outside of basic praise for his efforts.

Though this hasn't effected him in a devastating way, he has grown into the same type of person his parents are. He's constantly prioritising his duties, often takes the 'parental' role in his family and does a majority of the work, and overworks himself to strive for the perfection both he and his parents want. He doesn't exactly mind this lifestyle but partially regrets that he isn't allowed more freedom.

The part of his golden child syndrome that he regrets the most is the damage it's done to his sibling relationships. Resentment between siblings is a common symptom of this syndrome, and in Orion's case, it's epitomised in Al's existence.

Azalea is another OC that could likely fit into either BPD or NPD, but I also think she shows more symptoms of histrionic personality disorder (HPD) which is characterised by a need to be the centre of attention.

When Azalea isn't able to get the attention she wants, she will become extremely emotional and dramatic to draw the attention back to her. She values her appearance greatly and often uses it to her benefit, being intentionally provocative, mostly with men, to charm them and make them fall for her. As she isn't as skilled in manipulation as some of her co-workers, her sexual prowess is what she relies on the most.

Azalea is also quite foolish at times and can be influenced easily, especially by those she's become more attached to. An example of this is through Rin, who was able to bind her into a contract easily once Azalea became too enamoured with Rin's appearance and cool-headed personality. Suggestibility is another symptom of HPD and one of Azalea's pitfalls, which is often why she only preys on shallow men who'll sleep with her and not people who can easily manipulate her instead.

Finally, Symfora can be said to have a saviour complex. Unlike Jun, she is forthright in her ways of 'saving' people and disregards whether it's objectively a good thing and rather that it's personally what she thinks is for the best. She doesn't take into account that she's not actually helping people as much as she's simply cleansing those too pure and innocent, and recruiting and enabling those who are hateful enough to join her cause.

Like many with saviour complexes, her intentions are complicated and down to past trauma. She doesn't attempt to hide this but she also refuses to admit that her ways of helping may be wrong. She believes that she is the chosen one who will cleanse the world and save it, and though this ideology is partly taken from Mortem, she claims to have fully adopted it as her own of her own free will.

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askaborderline · 1 year

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I have bpd comorbid npd and a few aspd traits (tho def not enough to fully have aspd) and one of the things I struggle with when it comes to anyone but particularly my FP, is like the weird sense of ownership I feel entitled to. “This is MY person and I shouldn’t have to share or compete because I should be the only one important to them and if they care about anyone who isn’t me, then they’re disloyal and untrustworthy and need to be punished until They Fix Their Shit.” Obviously, this is not conducive to a healthy relationship and outside of *that* constant, nagging feeling, I otherwise feel “normal” (as in I do everything the way I should, treat people the way I should, etc).

I don’t act on this feeling but it does cause a lot of splitting and narc-crashing when I feel like they even want to spend an iota of time with someone who isn’t me because “why am I not good enough to be the only thing”? No matter how hard I try to unlearn that feeling of entitlement, no matter how hard I try to see them as a person rather than an object I own or property, it’s like my brain and feelings won’t Sync Up. It’s not even that I see them as an object, they’re one of the few people my disorders see as Equal and because I see them as Equal to me, the fact they want to spend any time with anyone other than me feels like a weird sort of insult or abandonment because I have a hard time seeing other people as Equal (which I also really try to work on).

I just don’t know what to do with this feeling because I keep crashing and splitting because, like a normal person, they happen to have interests in people outside of me. And I would really rather just be able to have healthy feelings for someone I care about. (They’re also the only one I feel empathy for but that empathy runs dry rather quickly when it comes to this particular trigger and it becomes harder to empathize).

BPD/NPD/ASPD comorbid here (yeah I really won the lottery), and I know exactly what you're talking about, gods. It's so much for me to deal with my "FPs", as I experience it, even wanting to spend any time with or appreciate anyone else. It feels sort of like an attack, and like you said, abandonment, and I totally understand what you're going through. It sucks so much.

I think it's important to try to diversify your friend group and support web a bit, even if you don't really care nearly as much about the other people, it can help you feel less reliant on the one or two people you really favor and see as exceptions, and it's also good for bits of supply if you feel like you're gonna crash soon. I also like to look at my "FPs" interacting with other people and then coming back as some sort of proof that I'm "better" and loophole my brain that way. With NPD especially I've found it's generally easier to try to steer your thought process into a different direction that conveniences you more instead of trying to change it entirely, if that makes sense? (Another example: I deal with the manipulative impulses by reminding myself that just being nice to people and treating them well with full honesty will achieve the same goals with less effort, and that kind of appeals to the weird "logic" my brain is running on while helping me not feel like I'm being a shitty person).

I wish you a lot of luck with this, it sucks so much.

#mod jane #aab

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strawberrybabydog · 2 years

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(CW: Unreality, discussions of potential delusions, discussions of paranoia, etc.) Um, hi, so I'm really sorry to bother you, I just... I need to really know something. (I'm autistic, so I just wanna maybe give as much info as possible to know if what I'm talking about is right or not. I don't have access to a therapist or psychiatrist at the moment, and you seemed like someone who actually KNOWS about delusions) So, I have BPD (borderline personality disorder) and NPD (narcissistic personality disorder) and I just need to know if delusions are something that are capable of being temporary or periodical? Like, I know this might not sound like logical? But when I experience really bad BPD episodes and my fears of abandonment are really intense. I guess what happens is that I dissociate hardcore from my surroundings, it's really hard because my vision gets blurry and I'm not really focused on my surroundings as much. I experience really bad depersonalization and derealization, and these things are usually induced by stress or BPD episodes. During those times I genuinely believe I've been kidnapped (particularly by people I am close to) or I'm apparently this grim reaper from another universe named "Alex". And these dissociative + (potential/not sure) delusions episodes that come with my BPD episodes. But the thing is, I also don't really know if I genuinely do or don't believe these things during those times. I have really bad anxiety and stuff. I do know one thing is that I think I might genuinely believe I AM a video game protagonist and am NOT real at all. But these things also are a coping mechanism, so it's really hard to detach from it. I genuinely cannot find many good resources on delusions that spread proper information, because there's a lot of sanism and ableism everywhere... I don't even entirely know if I completely experience delusions of grandeur (in relation to talents and self-esteem) because of my NPD that makes me have a really messed up relationship with my self-esteem. Like, I both hate myself and think I am the greatest thing ever, which is just smth related to NPD. But, I don't know if it's accurate to say I experience delusions of grandeur/superiority in these cases. I also do genuinely believe the universe is out to get me and it wants me to suffer, and that it is constantly telling me that the people I love will abandon me?? But Idk if that's just regular negative thoughts in relation to BPD or just... smth?? The only thing I do know that I seem to genuinely believe in and have utmost confidence in, is literally believing that something is always watching me or out to get me. I genuinely do thing things are looking at me or whatever, and I've had this sort of paranoia for... who knows how long?? Idk if this counts as paranoid delusions? Idk, I'm really sorry. All I'm trying to ask is if these experiences of mine count as delusions or if it's just smth else entirely? It's just these instances of paranoia can be something I experience all day and in almost any circumstance, but I also can sometimes have elongated periods of time (weeks or months) without this paranoia? I mean, I was with a therapist which allowed me to not deal with this paranoia for a while?? But like... can you pls help a man out with some educational information? It's really hard to find info on both personality disorders and delusions/dissocation... (Btw, if you really don't feel comfy wtih this. i'm so sorry, i will leave you alone. I hope ypu have a good day/night. You're not obligated to respond to this at all. Just... yeah.)

delusions can be periodic, most commonly if you dont have psychosis from a psychotic disorder... if you have delusions from personality disorders, basically, this is normal. psychotic symptoms are usually flared by stress regardless of cause

i cant tell you if youre delusional or something else. i dont know you/im not you/im not your psychiatrist. i suggest researching the type of delusions you suspect you have to the best of your ability, or researching how your personality disorders can interact with psychotic symptoms

i dont know what information you're looking for if you dont specify the question youre asking

#delusions details #persecutory delusions details #long post #unreality #asks #not dog

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cruelestsuggestion-moved · 3 years

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I just saw a post saying that people who ‘throw fits’ over their texts being read but not responded to are ‘toxic and immature’. I get the idea of the post, but here’s my problem with it: it’s putting blame on people for becoming anxious over something that is socially accepted as a sign of rejection/abandonment etc. Being ‘left on read’ is something that we’re told is Bad and means Bad things.

Especially for people with previous related trauma, ptsd, anxiety disorders, adhd/autism, personality disorders (bpd and npd particularly but others may also experience similar issues with it) and the rest of the mentally ill / disabled community, many of which have gone through abuse either because of or resulting in these disorders/disabilities/whathaveyous where silence or being ignored meant punishment, abandonment or neglect followed.

What I’m saying is that many people are not ‘throwing fits’ because they’re just so toxic and evil that they can’t handle someone not responding to them, and it’s not fair to label them horrible awful people for it. Communicate boundaries on these things. If you’re someone that knows you forget to answer a lot, communicate that. If you’re someone who can not handle being left on read, communicate that. If someone communicates to you they can not handle being left on read, work with them on it.

Listen, these things may seem trivial to you, or silly, but they’re important to and affect people around you. Give people the benefit of the doubt sometimes and work with them to improve your relationships. Always be critical but avoid being cynical. Thank you for reading.

If you have any solutions to avoid anxiety or to help mend things when anxiety occurs, please feel free to add them. DO NOT comment with anything about ‘narc abuse’ or demonizing PDs/Mental illness. Thank you.

Here’s a list of solutions I’ve been party to:

In order to avoid making someone anxious:

-Sending a specific emoji/word/phrase if you’re seeing a text you know you dont have time to respond to in that moment / other preemptive solution

-More direct communication such as

“This text upset me and I need time to respond, however we are still friends and I still care for you”

“I’m going to be busy for a while but I’ll get back to you on that”

“I don’t respond to texts after 10pm, but I might sometimes read them and answer the next day”

“I am very forgetful and sometimes read messages and forget to respond, feel free to nudge me or ask me if I forgot to respond, I won’t be upset”

“I’m having a very bad day today and do not have the energy for this conversation, can we have it at X time tomorrow?”

-Turning off/using a program without ‘read’ indicators

If you accidentally Do leave someone on read/they are upset seemingly ‘irrationally’ for something that doesn’t seem like a good reason to you:

-Do not make fun of them or get upset at them for being anxious. If they have a bad reaction that hurts you, listen to what they say, apologize if necessary (though, probably apologize anyway, they’re more likely hurt than actually anxious) be honest about how the reaction makes you feel, and you need to discuss it later.

There might be a good reason for it, and if you want to make your friendship/relationship work, and that is going to be a persistent problem, it’s better to work to handle it than just shut them down and expect that to fix it

-Offer a reason/explanation. Not in order to ‘excuse yourself from horrible behavior’ and not because they ‘have to know what you’re doing’. You do not owe anyone a full account of your day or what have you.

But it is reassuring for someone who is anxious to know that you had a reason other than punishing or ignoring them. If they push you to elaborate, they may still be anxious. If this makes you uncomfortable, communicate that.

If they begin to guilt trip you or accuse you of things, communicate to them that they are doing this in a calm way, and remove yourself from the situation. (It may help to give them a timeline of when you will return to continue to talk, especially if abandonment is the issue in the first place.) No, it isn’t okay for anyone to do that, but please understand people with mental illness / extreme anxiety / previous related trauma can experience intense paranoia, and this may not be because they think lowly of you or want to hurt you.

It is not an excuse and you both should and are allowed to hold them accountable for it, but please try to be understanding. If this persists after you’ve addressed it multiple times then you need to evaluate the situation and make a decision that is best for you. Stepping away from a relationship is encouraged if you feel you wont be treated right. But if you care deeply about the person and feel like this is out of character or coming out of nowhere, this is more to inform you of the fact it may be related to this.

-Reassure them that you were not intentionally ignoring them or intending to upset them, that you care about them, and ask them what about it makes them anxious. Try to learn and understand, as understanding can very much help make a relationship easier. What may not be a big deal to you may hurt someone, and you do not do anything good by trivializing or ridiculing it.

#actually bpd #mental illness #relationship advice #anxiety #trauma #do not derail #the bold and italics are for ease of reading bc #i myself have adhd and this is alot of text #hope it helps someone or something!

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massistocchifontana · 4 years

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Healing Narcissism

Following on from my previous blog post about Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), one topic that is seldom spoken about is the role of healing the narcissist. We are very focused on the healing of the victim but not so much on the healing of the narcissist.

Yes it makes sense that it is difficult to heal someone with narcissistic personality disorder, primarily because the likelihood of you actually getting this individual to come to a therapy session is slim to none. But this doesn’t mean that something cannot be done to assist someone isolated in their narcissism.

On a lesser level, there is a greater likelihood that the individual with narcissistic traits is more diagnosable as someone suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), because there is still a great deal of functionality in relationships within this individual. You will find yourself in relationships with this kind of partner and fall deeply in love with them, however there is often a turning point where the narcissistic wound is touched on because they have hidden this from you, and this brings out a different version of this person.

On the one hand, this type of individual wants to relate with you, but due to their deeply conditioned behaviours and protective mechanisms they have learnt over their lifespan it makes for relating very difficult as there is always some sense of conflict and control needing to be managed.

I find it particularly interesting that this type of individual will always find someone who is more empathic than narcissistic, and this in itself is a potential problem because it can lead towards the cycle of violence, depending on the severity of the borderline personality disorder. This makes it very hard for the other person to endure this type of treatment and they either will flee or depending on the situation feel it necessary to stay and rescue the situation.

Drawing on the Karpman drama triangle, the basis of its creation is founded on social human interaction. This triangle maps the types of destructive interaction that can occur between people in conflict. As you can see below there are three fundamental positions that can be adopted in any interaction or conflict. In respect of someone in a narcissistic cycle, they will predominantly oscillate between the victim and the persecutor roles. This positions the partner to always be the rescuer, which in itself sounds like a noble position to be in, but this is very tiresome and draining mentally and physically.

If you look at the second triangle I’ve drawn, there is one noticeable difference that Karpman doesn’t use in the original triangle. This is the role of being Neutral in any form of conflict.

You’ll find that learning how to sit with discomfort and conflict and make peace with the emotional conflict rather than acting in any of the other three positions will destabilise the individual with narcissistic tendencies. This pushes them potentially to become stronger in their manipulation tactics and although this sounds terrible because you know how bad they can become, it does arm you with a power that they cannot penetrate.

This is the position that I find most helpful because if you are aiming at assisting this individual to heal, then this is the only manner I have come across that works. It is either this, or leaving, but in many circumstances there are many factors preventing you to leave i.e. children, mortgage, family, many other systemic issues. So by arming yourself with an impenetrable ability to be neutral and not impacted, you will find your relationship far more manageable.

If the individual struggling with this narcissistic component to them has some amenability and are open to some suggestion, one of the most effective alternative therapies that is gaining a lot of traction and much investment in time and resources is the role of ayahuasca and psilocybin.

These hallucinogens are found in nature and come in the form of mushrooms (Psilocybin), truffles (Psilocybin) and the mixture which is ayahuasca (Banisteriopsis caapi vine and the Psychotria Viridis shrub). There are many other plant based hallucinogens that I haven’t mentioned so I will focus on these for the moment.

The simplified manner in which I see these plant hallucinogens is that they are medicine and should be treated as such. The usage of these substances (in particular mushrooms) has been for recreational usage but the manner in which I am speaking here, is very much about using them for self-discovery and breaking down barriers of control that are only fuelling suffering in yourself and in your relationships.

Most people have very sedimented blockages and avoid wanting to change and you will find many professionals advocate that people remain the same in their socially constructed bubbles rather than stripping back the veneer and actually looking at the behaviours and thinking patterns that aren’t actually serving you except for maintaining the current status you hold. The support for this kind of maintenance is that there was a very real reason behind the creation of such a manner of relating. Almost a type of survival instinct that kicked in and they saved themselves by developing such ways of relating.

This makes a lot of sense in the creation of the self-image that the individual has constructed, but when you find individuals who are not working in the positive for themselves or others, and they recognise something is wrong. They fundamentally need assistance. We are very fortunate that we live in the current climate that self-help is not frowned upon any longer and there is a great likelihood that each and every single one of us needs assistance at some point. The only stigma to reaching out will come from yourself as there are so many means of receiving help if you want it.

Most of us cannot sit with discomfort. The same applies to the individual with the narcissistic wound. But when you embark on a journey taking ayahuasca or psilocybin with a “proper” shaman who can contain and facilitate the ceremony, you are placing yourself in a situation to face yourself. There is no time frame but it does end. There is no loss of control because you don’t need to control anything. It is like entering into a train and having to go through a tunnel regardless of how long the tunnel is.

The point is that it provides you a moment in your life where you are completely resigned to the healing of plant based medicine. You are metaphorically taken by the hand and shown whatever you need to see. This can be ugly, can be beautiful or it can be nothing at all. But what it is, is profound and the most important take away is that you learn to sit with all the discomfort that is in your soul. You open the door to full acceptance and surrender to what and who you are.

So, try be open enough to look at other types of therapies. But keep in mind that a central focus is engaging in therapies that hold you accountable and help you face yourself.

Via Con Dios

#narcissistic #narcissism #healing narcissism #victim #narcissistic abuse #borderline personality disorder #NPD

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chiajasmine · 4 years

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Autistic Reclaimed Characters Masterlist

I’m getting back into making reclaimed characters/OCs by reclaiming autistic characters from media.

Character’s name (full name, if given): Christopher John Francis Boone

Apparent age: 15

Gender: Cis boy

Source material (and why it’s bad, this part is optional): The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time (which is a best-selling mystery novel and a drama/mystery play) and it's bad because it is ableist (the author did little research about autism and autistic people), normalizes the abuse of autistic people, and the book has a stereotypical depiction of autism. Mark Haddon portrayed the protagonist Christopher as elitist, intolerant, dismissive, unconcerned for others, unsympathetic, remorselessly violent, and not noticing or responding to insults and abuse. He is ableist towards other disabled kids at his school and looks down on them while also looking down on non-disabled people. Christopher is mistreated (abused, neglected, abandoned, deceived, gaslit, and insulted), often by authority figures like his parents and most other characters either overlook or actively attempt to justify this. His father Ed lied about his mother Judy being dead to him for two years. Ed also killed his ex-girlfriend's dog Wellington with a garden fork and receives no consequences for doing so except for causing a rupture in Christopher's relationship with him, and he tries to pressure Christopher to repair it by focusing exclusively on how much he is hurt by Christopher. Haddon also portrayed Christopher's parents in a sympathetic light even though the novel is from Christopher's point of view and despite Ed and Judy being abusive and neglectful to Christopher. Siobhan (Christopher's mentor and teacher) is only present in the early parts of the book and absent from the rest of the book without an explanation; the author could have used her to show that Christopher does not deserve to be abused and neglected, but he did not. The novel presents the autistic protagonist as responsible for his parent's divorce and being mistreated by others while showing that he is unaffected by this mistreatment, and portrays abuse, abandonment, and gaslighting as normal and justified.

Pictures of character:

Birthday: August 11

Sexuality: Mspec graysexual neuroromantic/echoromantic/arovague (queer acespec arospec for convenience)

Personality: Christopher is intelligent, sensitive, perceptive, naive, arrogant, and tends to come off as aloof. He has a very self-centered point of view, values logic, tends to be literal-minded, and is sometimes clueless when it comes to social norms. He takes pride in his intelligence and views himself as rational and logical though he can be insensitive, cold, reckless, irritable, irrational, and illogical at times. He tends to have emotional outbursts, lash out, bottle up his emotions, and split due to trauma, but he is working on expressing his emotions in healthier ways. Christopher used to be violent, break into people's houses and vehicles, steal, vandalize property, and have an ableist and elitist attitude before he got the proper help he needed. He cares about the people he is close to, treating them with kindness and is protective of them. His samefood is strawberry milkshakes. He prefers to use a stress ball or something similar to stim. Christopher is a trauma, physical/verbal/emotional abuse, and emotional neglect survivor. He is autistic and has PTSD/possible C-PTSD, NPD, conduct disorder, BPD, depression, chronic boredom, low empathy, abandonment issues, and violent intrusive thoughts and impulses.

Likes: His special interests are math, prime numbers, countries, capitals, detective fiction, mystery novels and movies, thriller films, autism/disability rights, astronauts, and Steven Universe (he especially enjoys Steven Universe: The Movie and Steven Universe Future). He also likes Jojo's Bizarre Adventures, his pet rat, his service dog, Siobhan, strawberry milkshakes, puzzles, computer games, Tetris, and everything being in order.

Dislikes: The colors yellow (when not kin shifting to Peridot) and brown, yellow things (when not kin shifting to Peridot), brown things, dirt, gravy, wood, blood (squick), being lied to/deceived, his birth parents (his birth dad, in particular), authority figures who are ableist and invalidate him, crowded places, noisy places, being made fun of, his chronic boredom, saying he can't feel or doesn’t have emotions, romanticization/glorification of cheating/affairs/infidelity, being called "a handful", everything not being in order, and being touched during a meltdown, shutdown, or flashback.

Fears or triggers: Animal death (especially dogs, trigger), garden forks (trigger), his birth dad (fear/trigger), him or autistic people being blamed for divorce (trigger), being threatened to be or saying he should be institutionalized (trigger), being abandoned (fear/trigger), loud sudden noises (fear/sensory trigger), angry yelling (trigger), being threatened with physical violence (trigger), and being called a "specimen" or other dehumanizing things (trigger).

Relationship status: Taken (Aki--QPP/zucchini and chosen person, and Clover--girlfriend and favorite person)

Friends: Other autistic reclaimed characters

Extras: He is demipansensual, panalterous, panqueerplatonic, cupio-aplatonicflux/neuroplatonic/aplatonicvague (aplspec for short/convenience), demipanaesthetic, and demipan- in other attractions. He is Peridot kin (SU), Spinel kin/IDs with Spinel (SU), Steven synpath (SU), and Jotaro Kujo hearted (JJBA). His favorite persons are Briony and Clover, and his chosen person is Aki.

——————–

Character’s name (full name, if given): Caitlin Ann Smith

Apparent age: 10 (going on to 11)

Gender: Cis girl

Source material (and why it’s bad, this part is optional): Mockingbird (which is a young adult novel and a theatre play) and it's bad because there were multiple moments when the main character Caitlin's behavior is too textbook, the author's writing clearly leaned to a clinical view of autism spectrum disorder, and it was written particularly for a neurotypical audience. Kathryn Erskine preferred the clinical research over the thoughts, feelings, and writings of autistic people. Caitlin's epiphany is problematic because it did not feel like her own, it was inspiration porn due to her having to "learn" empathy, and it feels like the epiphany that ableist organizations like Autism Speaks and neurotypicals who fail to understand autistic people want autistic people to have. While the book was written with good intentions, Erskine regurgitated the "no empathy" myth, people around the autistic character are constantly trying to "fix" her and this is shown to be a good thing, and the book ended up being inspiration porn for neurotypicals.

Pictures of character:

Birthday: In the book, her birthday is unknown so I'll make it November 20

Sexuality: Questioning

Personality: Caitlin is intelligent, cheerful, socially awkward, pedantic, often blunt, and comes off as arrogant without meaning to. She tends to get excited and passionate about things she enjoys. As a result, she tends to infodump. She has black-and-white thinking, hypermorality, and fluctuating empathy. Caitlin can come off as tactless at times due to being brutally honest, but does not mean to hurt people's feelings and will try to clear things up if there are any resulting problems. She also does not always understand social cues and expectations, but she tries her best. Caitlin is more caring than she appears to be. She is autistic and is recovering from depression that is caused by the death of her mother who died of cancer and PTSD that is caused by the death of her brother Devon who died in a school shooting and being bullied in school.

Likes: Her special interests are drawing, dictionaries, and To Kill a Mockingbird. She also likes art, making charcoal drawings, pastel colors, the colors black and white, black and white TV shows and movies, cartoons (especially Disney), Bambi, her friends (especially her best friend Michael), small spaces (they bring her comfort), hiding under a dresser (her "hidey-hole") and bed, and stuffing her head under couch cushions.

Dislikes: Bright colors (neon colors especially), saturated colors, bright lights, noisy places, maintaining direct eye contact, dirt, bugs, wool clothing, fuzzy clothing, live-action TV shows and movies that are not black and white, saying that she does not have or needs to learn empathy, people not communicating with her, bullying, school shootings, and school shooters.

Fears or triggers: Really loud noises (sensory trigger), lights buzzing (sensory trigger), wool clothing (sensory trigger), fuzzy clothing (sensory trigger), gunshots (trigger), and being called "weirdo" or "freak" (trigger). No fears, but she gets uncomfortable when talking about school shootings and school shooters.

Relationship status: Single

Friends: Other autistic reclaimed characters, Michael Schneider (best friend), Josh

Extras: She is Scout kin/IDs as Scout (To Kill a Mockingbird), Bambi kin (Bambi), and her comfort characters are Jem (To Kill a Mockingbird) and Atticus (To Kill a Mockingbird).

——————–

Character’s name (full name, if given): Rose Howard

Apparent age: 11 (going on to 12)

Gender: Cis girl

Source material (and why it’s bad, this part is optional): Rain Reign (which is a children's novel) and it's bad because the author Ann M. Martin wrote it in Autism Voice, the narrative is stereotypical, and Rose is explicitly framed as other due to being portrayed as overly literal and the book's constant focus on her obsession with homonyms, numbers, prime numbers, weather patterns, and rules. It also stereotypes autistic people as not experiencing emotions, unfeeling, uncaring, unable to be hurt, and overly rational. In general, Martin denied Rose emotional agency and wrote a story about an autistic character for a neurotypical audience.

Pictures of character:

(Rose with Rain)

(Another picture of Rose and Rain)

Birthday: In the book, her birthday is unknown so I'll make it September 20

Sexuality: Questioning

Personality: Rose is intelligent, level-headed, brave, determined, polite, socially awkward, and a rule-follower. She loves homonyms and tends to blurt out when she hears one. Rose is caring, patient, and undertakes the role of peacekeeper. She is autistic, has OCD, panic attacks, and hypermorality, and is recovering from depression that is caused by her mother leaving her and her father (she is dealing with her feelings of guilt over it) and PTSD that is caused by her father's past alcoholism.

Likes: Her special interests are weather patterns, homonyms, and numbers (especially prime numbers). She also likes her dog Rain, her uncle Weldon, wordplay/puns, meteorology, the weather channel, Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, The Incredibles movies, The Secret of NIMH, and being on her routine.

Dislikes: People not explaining things to her, people not listening to why she is upset, being made fun of, being invalidated, and being off her routine.

Fears or triggers: Alcohol (trigger), hurricanes (fear), and being shaken (fear/trigger).

Relationship status: Single

Friends: Other autistic reclaimed characters, Rain

Extras: Her comfort characters are Madame Foster (Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends), Helen Parr (The Incredibles), and Mrs. Brisby (The Secret of NIMH).

——————–

Character’s name (full name, if given): Willem Edward Smith

Apparent age: 12

Gender: Cis boy

Source material (and why it’s bad, this part is optional): How to Fly with Broken Wings (which is a children's fiction book) and it's bad because the author Jane Elson wrote Willem as stereotypically autistic without naming him as such. Willem seems to check off all of the diagnostic boxes of autism without having much of a personality beyond this. Willem isn’t always treated with respect or dignity, particularly when he’s reduced to facts about airplanes and telling people that he can fly. In the middle of the book, Willem suddenly becomes a magical autistic detective by pulling out several pieces of physical evidence and lines of argument to prove that one person wasn’t involved in gang riots, although these abilities are never previously mentioned. Elson doesn't fully address him being mistreated at school. Sasha describes him in her first chapter as “one of life’s special people” and regularly refers to him as her special friend as their relationship develops. Willem is relentlessly bullied at school and in danger at home, although no other characters do anything about this. Other kids make him jump off of objects or buildings and there are rival gangs in the area who are also interested in manipulating him. In class, his teacher frequently singles him out by requiring him to make two friends instead of completing equations for homework like his peers. The teacher tries to mix up students to get kids to interact with Willem and pulls each aside to say that she wants them to show him friendship, though she recognizes that forcing him to make friends in class encouraged him to interact with his bullies and put him in numerous dangerous situations, and she apologizes by the end of the book. The assignment led to Willem being deceived or put in dangerous situations more than once, and the author offers no clear condemnation of this. Willem’s main bully apologizes for his actions a few times but immediately returns to hurting Willem, and when he eventually befriends him it’s in order to gain favor with the girl he likes. Many adults apologize to Willem-- including his teacher, who recognizes that forcing him to make friends put his life in danger; not that her treatment of him was emotionally manipulative. Also, there is no further discussion of any emotional repercussions.

Pictures of character:

(Willem with a dog and holding hands with Sarah)

(Willem)

Birthday: In the book, his birthday is unknown so I’ll make it June 21

Sexuality: Questioning

Personality: Willem is shy and timid yet friendly and easygoing. He doesn’t believe that true friendships can be made by assigning people to be friends. He infodumps regularly and has trouble distinguishing when the other person has heard enough or when the conversation is over. Willem relates to people by using the colors of the traffic lights. He tends to take things more literally and struggles with understanding facial expressions. Willem gets very anxious in stressful situations. Willem gets very anxious in stressful situations. He stims by counting, rambling about anything, shaking his hands, and flapping his arms and hands. Willem is a trauma and physical/verbal/emotional abuse survivor. He is autistic, has anxiety, and is recovering from PTSD that is caused by being bullied at school by other kids, being emotionally manipulated by his teacher, and the trauma from the gang riots.

Likes: His special interests are airplanes (especially Spitfire planes), model airplanes, pilots during World War II, and flying. He also likes his dog Buster, Magic Man Archie, tea, digestive biscuits, cookies, his grandmother Gracie, Sasha, Peter Pan, Arthur (his favorite character is Carl Gould), and traffic lights.

Dislikes: Bullies, gangs, riots, being made fun of, being excluded/left out, people who are too close to him, Finn Maison and his gang the Beckham Estate Boyz, being assigned friends, being forced into a "buddy system", being manipulated or deceived, shouting, being kissed, and his food touching.

Fears or triggers: Bullying (fear/trigger), gangs (fear/trigger), riots (fear/trigger), Finn Maison and his gang (fear), falling (fear), death threats (trigger), being assigned friends (trigger), being forced into a "buddy system" (trigger), shouting (sensory trigger), being kissed (sensory trigger), and his food touching (sensory trigger).

Relationship status: Single

Friends: Other autistic reclaimed characters, Sasha Barton, Magic Man Archie, Buster

Extras: His comfort character is Carl Gould (Arthur).

——————–

Character’s name (full name, if given): Colin Fischer

Apparent age: 14

Gender: Cis boy

Source material (and why it’s bad, this part is optional): Colin Fischer (which is a young adult novel) and it’s bad because despite being written by an autistic author--Zack Sentz--and Colin being likable, the book distances the readers from the perspective of him by othering him and casting him as incomprehensible and weird. Colin is rarely seen as anything but intrigued, confused, or panicked, and that reinforces the damaging, ableist notion of autistic people not having emotions. He is also depicted by Sentz and Ashley Edward Miller to be a super special autistic with “mysterious skills”. Colin’s brother Danny loathing him and their parents is portrayed with no nuance and no emotions from Colin’s end. In the book, Asperger’s syndrome is mentioned as being “related to” autism rather than being part of the autism spectrum. His school is said to be supportive and accommodating, but there is not much proof to support this as the narrative appears to condone the ableist treatment of the protagonist. For example, when Colin is purposefully taunted in class and ends up barking from stress, the principal accepts that it wasn’t his fault, but she also threatens Colin with punishment if he “acts out” again. Another example is his gym teacher Mr. Turrentine ignoring a note from his therapy team that he can skip gym. He also aligns with the popular image of “high-functioning” autistic people as being a socially awkward, math/logic/train-obsessed, straight, white, middle-class teenage boy. His symptoms become less extreme at the end of the book, which is seen as a positive development; this portrays autistic traits as undesirable and negative.

Pictures of character:

Birthday: In the book, his birthday is unknown so I’ll make it September 22

Sexuality: Disordinebisexual biromantic, leans towards females

Personality: Colin is curious, inquisitive, and friendly. He enjoys being organized and tends to have meltdowns when not being organized. Colin has slow reflexes and activities like basketball, soccer, playing catch, monkey bars, riding a bicycle, and gym class are difficult for him while activities like jumping and bouncing are easier for him. He speaks in a monotone voice, but talks fast when excited. Colin is often very literal and has trouble detecting sarcasm. He stims by barking when stressed or overwhelmed, jumping especially when happy or excited, and making repeated clicking sounds. He usually has a hard time telling when people are upset because facial expressions don't come naturally to him, and does not always understand social cues and expectations. Colin pet regresses to cope with stress and being autistic, disabled, and otherwise neurodivergent. He is autistic, nearsighted, a dog regressor, and has gross motor dyspraxia and hypotonia.

Likes: His special interests are science, aliens, trampolines, SHAED (his favorite song is Trampoline), asparagus, Sherlock Holmes, and Star Trek. He also likes math, trains, jumping, bouncy balls, dogs, his notebook, repeated clicking sounds like pens, stacking things, and patterns (especially finding them).

Dislikes: The color blue, blue things, being touched if he does not initiate it or if he is unprepared for it, being touched when stressed, direct eye contact (he finds it uncomfortable), phones ringing loudly, the sound of the school bell, mushy foods, high-pitched voices, dolls, gym class, sports, perfume counters at store entrances, being made fun of or taunted, bullying, ableist people, having his infodumps be interrupted, his room and belongings being tampered with, Rudy Moore, and biphobes/bimisics.

Fears or triggers: Sudden loud noises (sensory trigger), phones ringing loudly (sensory trigger), the sound of the school bell (sensory trigger), perfume counters at store entrances (sensory trigger), high-pitched voices (sensory trigger), mushy foods (sensory trigger), and dolls (fear).

Relationship status: Single

Friends: Other autistic reclaimed characters, Melissa Greer (best friend), Wayne Connolly

Extras: He is alienkin and dogkin, and his comfort characters are Sherlock Holmes (BBC Sherlock) and Spock (Star Trek). He has reading glasses to help with his nearsightedness.

@luigiskids, @connerskids, @mikus-oc-blog, @asherschildren, @kirby-hates-pedos, @vela-hates-creeps, @ashisintheskies any thoughts?

#reclaimed oc #reclaimed ocs #reclaimed character #reclaimed characters #actuallyautistic #actually autistic #ableism tw #ableism mention #abuse tw #abuse mention #neglect tw #neglect mention #my oc #my ocs #long post #chiajasmine #chiajasmine's favorites

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textsfromtheborderline · 5 years

Photo

I recently received two very important and interrelated questions:

Anon 1:

My psychologist don’t believe my mental illness, I feel like I couldn’t take it anymore, I want to choke myself until I passed out.

Anon 2:

Hello, I’ve been seeing a psychologist for a few months now. I’ve had problems with emotion dysregulation and abandonment issues for almost my entire life, but recently I’ve started reading about BPD and looking at the symptoms, I can say that I’ve never related to anything else more in my life. I’m not 18 yet, but is it still worth bringing it up to my psychologist? Ugh, sometimes I feel like I’m just faking it for attention.

I get questions like this frequently and have addressed them many times on this blog. However, considering the fact that this is clearly a persistent and pressing issue for many people, I’ve decided to do the following:

I’ll give a deep-dive answer to both these questions that is hopefully informative and helpful.

I’m working on a new resource that offers guidance and solutions to the frequent, common problems of BPD.

Before you read on any further, I want to emphasize that dying is absolutely out of the question. Not an option. No dying allowed on my blog. Life is short. You don’t have forever. So please don’t cut your precious time off prematurely.

But this only points to the fact that this incredibly overwhelming impulse is an (over)reaction to the desperate, stressful, and toxic situation that is reinforced by psychologists, psychiatrists, and therapists. There’s a problem where there should be a solution, blame and shame where there should be help and support.

The misbeliefs that Borderlines have about themselves are prevalent and persistent, both out of the sheer ignorance as well as the viciously cruel design of the psychiatric community. It’s time to start changing the way we think about mental health and mental help.

In the plainest possible terms, it’s really hard to find a good mental health worker. The only way to actually do it is through trial and error. Misdiagnosis. Informing yourself and building your own networks when you get referrals from doctors. Going out of town because no one in your area is accepting new patients, then having to pay all the gas and parking bills yourself.

This is all assuming that you can afford a decent mental health worker, of course.

People caught up in the healthcare system, especially in North America, quickly find out how uncaring and ineffective it really is. Why? Because the way it is set up is to run exclusively for profit.

Healthy people are not profitable.

For example, this is reflected in the mentality that pills are given to patients as the very first option for “care.” Psychiatrists in particular receive kickbacks from leading pharmaceutical companies depending on the kinds of pills they prescribe. But pills are not a viable long term solution, in my opinion, because they do not teach life skills and healthy recovery.

So, it is no surprise that a mental health worker who is concerned about profit over long term care will push pills as the first (and often primary) option.

Another example is that there are tiers of help, according to how much you can pay a certain type of mental health worker.

Psychiatrists are trained medical doctors, which means that they can prescribe medications, and often exclusively develop a medication management plan as the only course of treatment. Typically, you can expect to pay up to $500 for an initial consultation, and at least $100 per hour for ongoing services.

Psychologists focus extensively on psychotherapy (i.e. talking through experiences) and treating emotional and mental suffering in patients with behavioral intervention. Psychologists can also be exclusively academic researchers. They are qualified and trained to critically assess a person’s mental state in order to determine the most effective treatment plan, which often includes total lifestyle changes.

Both of these are psychotherapists, in that they use a form of therapy (medication, behavioural intervention) to treat your mental health (the psyche). Hence the term psychotherapy. Given these definitions, personality disordered people should lean toward seeing psychologists.

In North America, some psychologists can charge as much as $200 or more per session, but most will charge around $75-$150 a session. Many also work with a sliding scale fee schedule, which means their fee will depend on your income level (a crucial point for young people and young professionals).

University/college mental health workers (including counselors) are always understaffed and over worked. They are paid from a portion of tuition, so technically their services are free. But their “walk in services” are often the first line of defense, but their sessions are limited to 15-30 mins. There is very little accountability both for the worker and the patient; you’re seen as just another number in a very long, long line. When it’s determined that you’re “well enough”, you will be kicked out to make room for the rest of the people who are waiting. This is the lowest tier of care and it also happens to be the one that is accessed the most often.

Whoever the mental health worker is, then, they are working within a profit driven system. On the one hand, they need problems in order to generate profit. On the other hand, this promotes the idea that mentally ill people (particularly the most “difficult” personality disordered people) should be reduced to nothing more than a problem.

As if it isn’t incredibly dehumanizing and disgusting to reduce us to nothing more than a problem to be solved, at a significant cost.

Then on top of that, we have limited means to complain if we are abused by the system and all the people in it; we cannot hold mental health workers accountable for misdiagnosis, unproven treatments and pills, sudden appointment cancellations, and lack of follow up because we are dismissed as just being “too difficult” and “too crazy” to be listened to.

I was doing some consulting work for the largest mental health organization in my region. They were under pressure to have their services evaluated. They were by no means underfunded or understaffed; they had hundreds of psychologists and psychiatrists. The facility was modern, clean, environmentally friendly. They treated even the most “severe” patients, including Borderlines and Narcissists.

Yet they had no complaint process or means for mentally ill people to provide feedback. Why? I was told it was because the feedback that these people could potentially provide could never be trusted, due to the fact that it’s coming from an unstable mind.

I suggested that resources need to be created with mentally ill people in mind, and that they should be written in language that each person, given their mental illness, can easily understand and implement. I was told the pros had never even considered this idea before.

I was told that people with BPD and NPD in particular were just “too difficult.” They were drug addicts. They were irresponsible. They were violent. They were prone to suicide. One client had killed themselves recently, and when the outraged family demanded accountability, they had no course of action because there was no framework put in place by the organization. The mental health worker responsible for care was not held accountable because they had washed their hands of that client. They were already “too difficult” and suicidal, so their death came as no surprise.

Mentally ill people are not taking responsibility, I was told, because they are lazy and unwilling to work for recovery. Why? They supposedly like their mental illness. And these mental health workers apparently work oh so hard, but it is useless because their clients cannot be cured. The topic of E-health was touched on as a means to counter the fact that a lot of mentally ill people are too intimidated or too ill to actually come in for a session. But this organization did not want to implement even monitored Skype calls because “bringing the care to the people who need it most” was too complicated and they didn’t have any accountability measures in place. E-health is an emerging field, and as such, I was told that it is too risky to try this suggested approach.

Sitting there and listening to all this made me sick to my stomach.

I recall a tumblr post along these lines:

“if you want us to see a doctor so bad does that mean you’ll pay for our doctors appointment, pay for all our sessions, get rid of our fear of doctors, shorten the absurd amount of time we have to wait to get appointments, take away the intense stigma professionals have against people with certain mental disorders, transport us to our sessions, remove us from abusive environments that prevent us from booking appointments, make sure that professional diagnosis is always 100% right every time, and remove all the abusive psychiatrists in the system??? (x)

Essentially, the underlying message that is given to mentally ill people on behalf of the health care system and its workers is that no one gives a fuck about us.

Yet somehow, we are still expected to invest tremendous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better- because despite reaching out for help from professionals who we expect will competently do their job with our well being in mind, the entire burden of being mentally well still falls entirely on us.

And we’re supposed to be the crazy ones?

The Validity of Self-Diagnosis:

Taking all this into consideration, I think that self-diagnosis is valid.

As personality disordered people, when we are faced with incompetent mental health workers whose professionalism is questionable at best and life threatening at worst; when there is such prevalent stigma against personality disordered people out there; when we cannot afford care; when the quality of that care is poor; and when we’re so scared and confused that we turn to finding information on our own and then find it accurately applies to our life-

Why wouldn’t we frame our own thoughts, feelings, and lived experiences (for free!) within a diagnostic framework that matches our internal processes?

It’s true that not everyone has a psychology degree. It’s true that the DSM is a flawed diagnostic manual (something I extensively critique in my own work Between The Lines: Comparing BPD + NPD and suggest five keys ways it can be improved). It’s true that there’s a chance for misdiagnosis.

But that chance is still 50/50, because despite the “professionalism” of mental health workers, they are also just as likely to misdiagnose personality disordered people (most notably, with anxiety/depression/bipolar) than they are to accurately “prove” that we are accurately mentally ill.

It’s really no wonder that people like Anon 2 feel that they are “just faking” their mental illness for “for attention.”

Dear Anon 2, you’re not “just faking it for attention.” Your thoughts and feelings about your own mental health are real and valid. If you relate so strongly with the symptoms of BPD, then that demonstrates your admirable level of self-awareness and willingness to recover! I talk about situations just like yours here and here.

Please don’t let people invalidate you out of their own sheer ignorance, arrogance, cruelty, and lack of compassion.

The “expertise” of Professional Diagnosis:

People like Anon 1 have been so deeply invalidated and dismissed by their mental health worker that they feel suicidal.

Please take a moment to let that sink in.

All mental health care workers follow the “medical model.” That is to say, you are either “sane” or “insane.” As a result, diagnostic criteria are developed with the assumption that there is only one “normal,” “right” and “healthy” way to live. Everything else is just pathologized and labelled as a disorder (especially in North American society, which has a disturbing propensity for black and white thinking as well as pathologizing emotions)

In contrast, Neurodiversity itself “ is the infinite variation of neurocognitive functioning within our specifies and it is a biological fact.”

Building off of this, the neurodiversity paradigm suggests that the diversity in our ways of thinking and feeling makes us stronger as a species, as communities, and as people. The neurodiversity paradigm is a specific perspective on neurodiversity – a perspective or approach that boils down to these fundamental principles:

1) Neurodiversity is a natural and valuable form of human diversity.

2) The idea that there is one “normal” or “healthy” type of brain or mind, or one “right” style of neurocognitive functioning, is a culturally constructed fiction, no more valid (and no more conducive to a healthy society or to the overall well-being of humanity) than the idea that there is one “normal” or “right” ethnicity, gender, or culture.

3) The social dynamics that manifest in regard to neurodiversity are similar to the social dynamics that manifest in regard to other forms of human diversity (e.g., diversity of ethnicity, gender, or culture). These dynamics include the dynamics of social power inequalities, and also the dynamics by which diversity, when embraced, acts as a source of creative potential.

This is where the terms neurodivergent and neurotypical come from:

Neurodivergent, sometimes abbreviated as ND, means having a brain that functions in ways that diverge significantly from the dominant societal standards of “normal.”

Neurodivergent is quite a broad term. Neurodivergence (the state of being neurodivergent) can be largely or entirely genetic and innate, or it can be largely or entirely produced by brain-altering experience, or some combination of the two (autism and dyslexia are examples of innate forms of neurodivergence, while alterations in brain functioning caused by such things as trauma, long-term meditation practice, or heavy usage of psychedelic drugs are examples of forms of neurodivergence produced through experience).

A person whose neurocognitive functioning diverges from dominant societal norms in multiple ways – for instance, a person who is Autistic, dyslexic, and epileptic – can be described as multiply neurodivergent.

Some forms of innate or largely innate neurodivergence, like autism, are intrinsic and pervasive factors in an individual’s psyche, personality, and fundamental way of relating to the world. The neurodiversity paradigm rejects the pathologizing of such forms of neurodivergence, and the Neurodiversity Movement opposes attempts to get rid of them.

Other forms of neurodivergence, like epilepsy or the effects of traumatic brain injuries, could be removed from an individual without erasing fundamental aspects of the individual’s selfhood, and in many cases the individual would be happy to be rid of such forms of neurodivergence. The neurodiversity paradigm does not reject the pathologizing of these forms of neurodivergence, and the Neurodiversity Movement does not object to consensual attempts to cure them (but still most definitely objects to discrimination against people who have them).

Thus, neurodivergence is not intrinsically positive or negative, desirable or undesirable – it all depends on what sort of neurodivergence one is talking about.

Neurotypical, often abbreviated as NT, means having a style of neurocognitive functioning that falls within the dominant societal standards of “normal.”Neurotypical can be used as either an adjective (“He’s neurotypical”) or a noun (“He’s a neurotypical”).

Neurotypical is the opposite of neurodivergent. Neurotypicality is the condition from which neurodivergent people diverge. Neurotypical bears the same sort of relationship to neurodivergent that straight bears to queer.

Hence, neurodivergence is a very real and very valid approach to mental health, especially when it comes to personality disordered people. It is supported and used by some credited therapists as well, such as the website Eggshell Therapy.

Despite this reality, mental health workers generally remain unwilling to acknowledge it. This is highly unprofessional. A competent, knowledgeable mental health care worker should be willing to consider all possible perspectives when it comes to the way a human mind works. But as we’ve established, most mental health care workers are far from professional.

They rigidly cling to the medical model because it justifies the existence of their particular field of study and somehow automatically qualifies them to (mis)diagnose people, all while being paid very well for it. Dismissing self-diagnosis and neurodiversity invalidates mentally ill people; increases the risk of misdiagnosis; blocks the development of a meaningful and practical treatment plan; and obviously makes for a very strained working relationship.

Talking To Mental Health Workers About Your BPD:

Before you start you first assessment or initial session with a mental health worker (and even if you make it past the very first one), it’s a good idea to ask them what they think their job really is. Literally. Ask them for a job description, in their own words, about their work and how they view their client relationship.

Chances are, they’ll spew something along the lines of:

“My job is to help you. But you have to put in the work yourself.”

We’re already off to a bad start here: being condescendingly reminded that you have to actually make the right choices for yourself and learn how to live in a healthy way is a moot point. If you are coming in to see a psychotherapist, it is very probable that you have already put in most of the work (including self-diagnosis or at the very least, prepared points and questions) but that you are expecting a professional to competently and compassionately help you have the capacity to implement positive changes for your mental health.

My naïve understanding of the work that mental health workers do is that, precisely because of their “expertise”, they would be able to make up for the skills and knowledge that I could not do on my own. Instead, the concept of “self-help” keeps getting shoved down the throats of people who are tremendously vulnerable due to their mental illness. If you wanted to rely solely on self-help, it is fair to presume that you would not be seeking professional help.

Of course, “help” in their eyes is usually supplying pills (especially if the mental health worker is a psychiatrist). Even if your body reacts badly to it. The rest is, of course, up to you. Just help yourself!

On top of all this, mental health workers are operating under the assumption that they will “cure” you of your mental illness, even though they should know that this is impossible. In other words, they aren’t there to help you learn to live with your mental illness in a healthy way (because that’s not profitable). They’re here to tell you what you should do about how “wrong” you are according to the medical model, while you pay them to help yourself.

And if you really want to reaffirm that point, ask them next what they think of the concept of neurodivergence and how it applies to you (you can even use Eggshell Therapy as a reference point). Their answer will likely be dismissive and re-emphasize that if you do not follow their specific treatment plan, then your condition will just worsen-maybe to the point that they cannot even “help” you anymore.

Having said all this, I don’t want to paint all mental health workers with the same bush. There are brilliant young professionals and aspiring mental health workers out there now who are working their asses off to make mental health better and more accessible for all. But I’m still talking about how the health care system is right here and right now. Good mental health can’t wait.

It’s also important to keep in mind that personality disordered people can cross the line as well: resenting authority and stubbornly refusing to implement a mutually agreed upon treatment plan; acting out and raging; manipulating mental health workers; failing to show up for appointments all together; lying and smearing; threatening; being “offended” by deep, probing discussions about their own mental health; and dropping out of care without a valid reason after only one or two sessions.

There are evidently massive issues coming from both sides. The key takeaway is that bringing up mental health to your psychotherapist cannot possibly thrive in a climate of intimidation, confusion, and invalidation.

When you discuss your mental illness, it is important to draw from facts, your own lived experiences, seek clarification about the DSM criteria, and have plenty of examples how your daily behaviour fits into this framework. What prompted you to relate to this criteria so strongly, and why is it worth considering?

It’s always important to be as polite and respectful as possible. That goes both ways. And although it feels like you’re going through the wringer, if one mental health worker doesn’t work out, you are not chained to that situation. You are free to leave and seek out the services of someone else who is, in your opinion, more qualified to help you. This does take a lot of time and effort, with plenty of mistakes thrown in during the meantime.

But you are not alone.

Start building support networks: family, friends, teachers, social workers, colleagues…anyone who is willing and able to help you. Good mental health is not something that you should feel like you have to achieve on your own. You should be supported and cared for.

Hopefully, mental health care will improve drastically within our lifetime. I want us to keep in mind that we are striving for our own recovery in a kind way. That we can set good examples of how important it is to make sure no one gets left behind.

Above all, despite these systemic obstacles, we do need to talk about our mental health because that’s the only way anyone will ever listen to us.

#q + a #anon #cluster b #bpd #borderline personality disorder #actuallybpd #actuallyborderline #mental health #mental illness #psychology #recovery #resource #textsfromtheborderline

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witchlockmonsterfox · 6 years

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do you know to what degree antipsychotics can influence or inhibit NPD/ASPD/CD symptoms? i’m 19 and was on antipsychotic/mood stabilising medication from 11 yrs till 18. before & after i might have showed more symptoms of the above mentioned disorders (it might be attributable to sth else) and i just wanted to ask if you know if that’s possible at all.

honestly, no clue. i know sometimes they give anti-psychotics to people with personality disorders (including ASPD and conduct disorder) but in the case of ASPD/NPD/CD anti-psychotics i don’t think have been found to cause much improvement besides simply sedating the person as much as possible in an attempt to control their irritability/anger/acting out/etc. (almost all anti-psychotics cause sedation - seroquel is very popular for this reason as it’s a potent sedative, and one that i personally think is overprescribed and misused by many psychiatrists.)

mood stabilizers are also given but i can’t remember how effective they are when it comes to ASPD/NPD/CD. i don’t think mood stabilizers would cause any adverse effects that worsened these disorders but i could be wrong. and adverse effects like that usually happen quickly after the drug is prescribed (either immediately or up to a few months), not slowly over many years. i do know they give mood stabilizers to treat anger issues in many different disorders. but i think they tend to be more effective with BPD since mood swings are a huge issue in BPD.

with ASPD/CD the main focus in medicine right now are drugs that affect serotonin because the current hypothesis is that malfunctioning serotonin levels could be causing or contribute to a lot of the symptoms. anti-psychotics don’t have any effect on serotonin - they work on dopamine receptors (there’s multiple dopamine receptors, most of them primarily work on a certain one but not all of them.)

11 years old is awfully young to be on anti-psychotic medication. remember that your brain is still developing and there’s been (for some reason) little research on how potent drugs like anti-psychotics affect a developing brain. i’m not sure why this isn’t more researched, given the alarming rate of psychiatrists prescribing potent psychiatric drugs to many minors who don’t need them (i’m not talking about you specifically, just in general. obviously there are cases where these drugs are appropriately prescribed to minors. i was on very high doses of anti-psychotics when i was only 15.)

if i understand correctly, you said the symptoms have gotten worse? sometimes anti-psychotics can cause adverse reactions like irritability or anger, restlessness, etc. but like i said above, those adverse effects usually happen quickly, not over a long period of time, and they wouldn’t account for like, 90% of the other symptoms of these disorders. also i’m pretty sure the adverse effects would dissipate after the drug has been stopped, although being on them so long might have affected you. i have heard many anecdotal stories of people who were on anti-psychotics for a long time and said even after they stopped them, they were still affected by them, but i’ve never heard any describing symptoms related to ASPD/NPD/CD.

have you ever gotten any treatment specifically for ASPD/NPD/CD? particularly any actually good treatment? (because bad treatment is pretty much the same as no treatment, although tbh, bad treatment can be worse than no treatment). because then the best explanation would be that because it’s gone untreated (or improperly treated), it’s simply gotten worse as you’ve gotten older. my conduct disorder went completely untreated when i was a kid (and i even saw professionals - they told me i was untreatable and hopeless, so i never got ANY treatment and hid that diagnosis from any new psychologists i saw), so my conduct disorder going untreated ended up contributing to it developing into ASPD as an adult.

also, even with treatment, if you’ve been growing up in an unstable or abusive environment, that could also contribute to the disorders simply getting worse with age. or it could just be getting worse because of age. there’s many factors at play here but i don’t think the anti-psychotics would be the cause, but even if they were, like i said, it’s impossible at this moment to know because so little research has been done on how these drugs might affect minors while their brain is still developing in the long-term.

sorry i couldn’t answer your question better! i honestly really don’t know.

(p.s. also if there have been more studies on how these drugs affect minors in the long term, anyone please feel free to share your input. i just haven’t seen much research personally, but that doesn’t mean it’s not out there at all.)

#anonymous #messages

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chiajasmine · 4 years

Text

Autistic Reclaimed Characters Masterlist

I’m getting back into making reclaimed characters/OCs by reclaiming autistic characters from media.

Character’s name (full name, if given): Christopher John Francis Boone

Apparent age: 15

Gender: Cis boy

Source material (and why it’s bad, this part is optional): The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time (which is a best-selling mystery novel and a drama/mystery play) and it’s bad because it is ableist (the author did little research about autism and autistic people), normalizes the abuse of autistic people, and the book has a stereotypical depiction of autism. Mark Haddon portrayed the protagonist Christopher as elitist, intolerant, dismissive, unconcerned for others, unsympathetic, remorselessly violent, and not noticing or responding to insults and abuse. He is ableist towards other disabled kids at his school and looks down on them while also looking down on non-disabled people. Christopher is mistreated (abused, neglected, abandoned, deceived, gaslit, and insulted), often by authority figures like his parents and most other characters either overlook or actively attempt to justify this. His father Ed lied about his mother Judy being dead to him for two years. Ed also killed his ex-girlfriend’s dog Wellington with a garden fork and receives no consequences for doing so except for causing a rupture in Christopher’s relationship with him, and he tries to pressure Christopher to repair it by focusing exclusively on how much he is hurt by Christopher. Haddon also portrayed Christopher’s parents in a sympathetic light even though the novel is from Christopher’s point of view and despite Ed and Judy being abusive and neglectful to Christopher. Siobhan (Christopher’s mentor and teacher) is only present in the early parts of the book and absent from the rest of the book without an explanation; the author could have used her to show that Christopher does not deserve to be abused and neglected, but he did not. The novel presents the autistic protagonist as responsible for his parent’s divorce and being mistreated by others while showing that he is unaffected by this mistreatment, and portrays abuse, abandonment, and gaslighting as normal and justified.

Pictures of character:

Birthday: August 11

Sexuality: Mspec graysexual neuroromantic/echoromantic/arovague (queer acespec arospec for convenience)

Personality: Christopher is intelligent, sensitive, perceptive, naive, arrogant, and tends to come off as aloof. He has a very self-centered point of view, values logic, tends to be literal-minded, and is sometimes clueless when it comes to social norms. He takes pride in his intelligence and views himself as rational and logical though he can be insensitive, cold, reckless, irritable, irrational, and illogical at times. He tends to have emotional outbursts, lash out, bottle up his emotions, and split due to trauma, but he is working on expressing his emotions in healthier ways. Christopher used to be violent, break into people’s houses and vehicles, steal, vandalize property, and have an ableist and elitist attitude before he got the proper help he needed. He cares about the people he is close to, treating them with kindness and is protective of them. His samefood is strawberry milkshakes. He prefers to use a stress ball or something similar to stim. Christopher is a trauma, physical/verbal/emotional abuse, and emotional neglect survivor. He is autistic and has PTSD/possible C-PTSD, NPD, conduct disorder, BPD, depression, chronic boredom, low empathy, abandonment issues, and violent intrusive thoughts and impulses.

Likes: His special interests are math, prime numbers, countries, capitals, detective fiction, mystery novels and movies, thriller films, autism/disability rights, astronauts, and Steven Universe (he especially enjoys Steven Universe: The Movie and Steven Universe Future). He also likes Jojo’s Bizarre Adventures, his pet rat, his service dog, Siobhan, strawberry milkshakes, puzzles, computer games, Tetris, and everything being in order.

Dislikes: The colors yellow (when not kin shifting to Peridot) and brown, yellow things (when not kin shifting to Peridot), brown things, dirt, gravy, wood, blood (squick), being lied to/deceived, his birth parents (his birth dad, in particular), authority figures who are ableist and invalidate him, crowded places, noisy places, being made fun of, his chronic boredom, saying he can’t feel or doesn’t have emotions, romanticization/glorification of cheating/affairs/infidelity, being called “a handful”, everything not being in order, and being touched during a meltdown, shutdown, or flashback.

Relationship status: Taken (Aki–QPP/zucchini and chosen person, and Clover–girlfriend and favorite person)

Friends: Other autistic reclaimed characters

——————–

Character’s name (full name, if given): Caitlin Ann Smith

Apparent age: 10 (going on to 11)

Gender: Cis girl

Source material (and why it’s bad, this part is optional): Mockingbird (which is a young adult novel and a theatre play) and it’s bad because there were multiple moments when the main character Caitlin’s behavior is too textbook, the author’s writing clearly leaned to a clinical view of autism spectrum disorder, and it was written particularly for a neurotypical audience. Kathryn Erskine preferred the clinical research over the thoughts, feelings, and writings of autistic people. Caitlin’s epiphany is problematic because it did not feel like her own, it was inspiration porn due to her having to “learn” empathy, and it feels like the epiphany that ableist organizations like Autism Speaks and neurotypicals who fail to understand autistic people want autistic people to have. While the book was written with good intentions, Erskine regurgitated the “no empathy” myth, people around the autistic character are constantly trying to “fix” her and this is shown to be a good thing, and the book ended up being inspiration porn for neurotypicals.

Pictures of character:

Birthday: In the book, her birthday is unknown so I’ll make it November 20

Sexuality: Questioning

Personality: Caitlin is intelligent, cheerful, socially awkward, pedantic, often blunt, and comes off as arrogant without meaning to. She tends to get excited and passionate about things she enjoys. As a result, she tends to infodump. She has black-and-white thinking, hypermorality, and fluctuating empathy. Caitlin can come off as tactless at times due to being brutally honest, but does not mean to hurt people’s feelings and will try to clear things up if there are any resulting problems. She also does not always understand social cues and expectations, but she tries her best. Caitlin is more caring than she appears to be. She is autistic and is recovering from depression that is caused by the death of her mother who died of cancer and PTSD that is caused by the death of her brother Devon who died in a school shooting and being bullied in school.

Likes: Her special interests are drawing, dictionaries, and To Kill a Mockingbird. She also likes art, making charcoal drawings, pastel colors, the colors black and white, black and white TV shows and movies, cartoons (especially Disney), Bambi, her friends (especially her best friend Michael), small spaces (they bring her comfort), hiding under a dresser (her “hidey-hole”) and bed, and stuffing her head under couch cushions.

Fears or triggers: Really loud noises (sensory trigger), lights buzzing (sensory trigger), wool clothing (sensory trigger), fuzzy clothing (sensory trigger), gunshots (trigger), and being called “weirdo” or “freak” (trigger). No fears, but she gets uncomfortable when talking about school shootings and school shooters.

Relationship status: Single

Friends: Other autistic reclaimed characters, Michael Schneider (best friend), Josh

Extras: She is Scout kin/IDs as Scout (To Kill a Mockingbird), Bambi kin (Bambi), and her comfort characters are Jem (To Kill a Mockingbird) and Atticus (To Kill a Mockingbird).

——————–

Character’s name (full name, if given): Rose Howard

Apparent age: 11 (going on to 12)

Gender: Cis girl

Source material (and why it’s bad, this part is optional): Rain Reign (which is a children’s novel) and it’s bad because the author Ann M. Martin wrote it in Autism Voice, the narrative is stereotypical, and Rose is explicitly framed as other due to being portrayed as overly literal and the book’s constant focus on her obsession with homonyms, numbers, prime numbers, weather patterns, and rules. It also stereotypes autistic people as not experiencing emotions, unfeeling, uncaring, unable to be hurt, and overly rational. In general, Martin denied Rose emotional agency and wrote a story about an autistic character for a neurotypical audience.

Pictures of character:

(Rose with Rain)

(Another picture of Rose and Rain)

Birthday: In the book, her birthday is unknown so I’ll make it September 20

Sexuality: Questioning

Likes: Her special interests are weather patterns, homonyms, and numbers (especially prime numbers). She also likes her dog Rain, her uncle Weldon, wordplay/puns, meteorology, the weather channel, Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends, The Incredibles movies, The Secret of NIMH, and being on her routine.

Dislikes: People not explaining things to her, people not listening to why she is upset, being made fun of, being invalidated, and being off her routine.

Fears or triggers: Alcohol (trigger), hurricanes (fear), and being shaken (fear/trigger).

Relationship status: Single

Friends: Other autistic reclaimed characters, Rain

Extras: Her comfort characters are Madame Foster (Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends), Helen Parr (The Incredibles), and Mrs. Brisby (The Secret of NIMH).

——————–

Character’s name (full name, if given): Willem Edward Smith

Apparent age: 12

Gender: Cis boy

Source material (and why it’s bad, this part is optional): How to Fly with Broken Wings (which is a children’s fiction book) and it’s bad because the author Jane Elson wrote Willem as stereotypically autistic without naming him as such. Willem seems to check off all of the diagnostic boxes of autism without having much of a personality beyond this. Willem isn’t always treated with respect or dignity, particularly when he’s reduced to facts about airplanes and telling people that he can fly. In the middle of the book, Willem suddenly becomes a magical autistic detective by pulling out several pieces of physical evidence and lines of argument to prove that one person wasn’t involved in gang riots, although these abilities are never previously mentioned. Elson doesn’t fully address him being mistreated at school. Sasha describes him in her first chapter as “one of life’s special people” and regularly refers to him as her special friend as their relationship develops. Willem is relentlessly bullied at school and in danger at home, although no other characters do anything about this. Other kids make him jump off of objects or buildings and there are rival gangs in the area who are also interested in manipulating him. In class, his teacher frequently singles him out by requiring him to make two friends instead of completing equations for homework like his peers. The teacher tries to mix up students to get kids to interact with Willem and pulls each aside to say that she wants them to show him friendship, though she recognizes that forcing him to make friends in class encouraged him to interact with his bullies and put him in numerous dangerous situations, and she apologizes by the end of the book. The assignment led to Willem being deceived or put in dangerous situations more than once, and the author offers no clear condemnation of this. Willem’s main bully apologizes for his actions a few times but immediately returns to hurting Willem, and when he eventually befriends him it’s in order to gain favor with the girl he likes. Many adults apologize to Willem– including his teacher, who recognizes that forcing him to make friends put his life in danger; not that her treatment of him was emotionally manipulative. Also, there is no further discussion of any emotional repercussions.

Pictures of character:

(Willem with a dog and holding hands with Sarah)

(Willem)

Birthday: In the book, his birthday is unknown so I’ll make it June 21

Sexuality: Questioning

Dislikes: Bullies, gangs, riots, being made fun of, being excluded/left out, people who are too close to him, Finn Maison and his gang the Beckham Estate Boyz, being assigned friends, being forced into a “buddy system”, being manipulated or deceived, shouting, being kissed, and his food touching.

Fears or triggers: Bullying (fear/trigger), gangs (fear/trigger), riots (fear/trigger), Finn Maison and his gang (fear), falling (fear), death threats (trigger), being assigned friends (trigger), being forced into a “buddy system” (trigger), shouting (sensory trigger), being kissed (sensory trigger), and his food touching (sensory trigger).

Relationship status: Single

Friends: Other autistic reclaimed characters, Sasha Barton, Magic Man Archie, Buster

Extras: His comfort character is Carl Gould (Arthur).

——————–

Character’s name (full name, if given): Colin Fischer

Apparent age: 14

Gender: Cis boy

Source material (and why it’s bad, this part is optional): Colin Fischer (which is a young adult novel) and it’s bad because despite being written by an autistic author–Zack Sentz–and Colin being likable, the book distances the readers from the perspective of him by othering him and casting him as incomprehensible and weird. Colin is rarely seen as anything but intrigued, confused, or panicked, and that reinforces the damaging, ableist notion of autistic people not having emotions. He is also depicted by Sentz and Ashley Edward Miller to be a super special autistic with “mysterious skills”. Colin’s brother Danny loathing him and their parents is portrayed with no nuance and no emotions from Colin’s end. In the book, Asperger’s syndrome is mentioned as being “related to” autism rather than being part of the autism spectrum. His school is said to be supportive and accommodating, but there is not much proof to support this as the narrative appears to condone the ableist treatment of the protagonist. For example, when Colin is purposefully taunted in class and ends up barking from stress, the principal accepts that it wasn’t his fault, but she also threatens Colin with punishment if he “acts out” again. Another example is his gym teacher Mr. Turrentine ignoring a note from his therapy team that he can skip gym. He also aligns with the popular image of “high-functioning” autistic people as being a socially awkward, math/logic/train-obsessed, straight, white, middle-class teenage boy. His symptoms become less extreme at the end of the book, which is seen as a positive development; this portrays autistic traits as undesirable and negative.

Pictures of character:

Birthday: In the book, his birthday is unknown so I’ll make it September 22

Sexuality: Disordinebisexual biromantic, leans towards females

Personality: Colin is curious, inquisitive, and friendly. He enjoys being organized and tends to have meltdowns when not being organized. Colin has slow reflexes and activities like basketball, soccer, playing catch, monkey bars, riding a bicycle, and gym class are difficult for him while activities like jumping and bouncing are easier for him. He speaks in a monotone voice, but talks fast when excited. Colin is often very literal and has trouble detecting sarcasm. He stims by barking when stressed or overwhelmed, jumping especially when happy or excited, and making repeated clicking sounds. He usually has a hard time telling when people are upset because facial expressions don’t come naturally to him, and does not always understand social cues and expectations. Colin pet regresses to cope with stress and being autistic, disabled, and otherwise neurodivergent. He is autistic, nearsighted, a dog regressor, and has gross motor dyspraxia and hypotonia.

Relationship status: Single

Friends: Other autistic reclaimed characters, Melissa Greer (best friend), Wayne Connolly

Extras: He is alienkin and dogkin, and his comfort characters are Sherlock Holmes (BBC Sherlock) and Spock (Star Trek). He has reading glasses to help with his nearsightedness.

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textsfromtheborderline · 6 years

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I'm gonna be honest: I like your posts a lot, think they're informative and look good. The reason I don't follow you/RB any of your posts is because you once made a post where you referred to "narcissistic abuse", a term that unfairly stigmatises NPD. However, since then I think you may have deleted it, and have made posts that indicate you don't support the stigma against NPD. Basically, what I'm asking is, do you believe narcissistic abuse is a valid term? (If i got the wrong person, my bad!)

Hey, thanks for asking!

I deeply appreciate that you like my inforgraphics.

I never made a post referringto “Narcissistic abuse;” it was in the original FAQ page of my blog whereI used it to describe my experiences with my NPD/ASPD abuser. Rest assured,I’ll be addressing this concept and your question in a much more detailed and impactful way in the not too distant future…

For now, I will say that no,I do not believe any longer that “Narcissistic abuse” (or Borderlineabuse, for that matter) is a valid term.

Why I used tothink it was valid:

I had never before in my life encountered such cruel emotionalabuse + manipulation. It completely crushed me. I was ignorant to thisparticular mental illness. Once I identified the behaviour of my abuser (thanksGoogle!), Narcissistic abuse seemed the appropriate term to describe my livedexperiences and the bewildering behaviour of NPD.I initially simply thought that “My abuser is a Narcissist” + “abuse” = Narcissisticabuse. I didn’t really think of it as being a part of stigma or its own specialcategory until I started finding out about the experiences of other abusesurvivours.

The articles, vlogs, books, and blogs I’d relied on for informationwhile I was going No Contact and just beginning my recovery process allconfirmed that Narcissistic abuse was quite distinct from run-of-the-millabuse. I thought that so many similar experiences could not all be wrong. The most prominent reasons offered were: 1) Narcissists are inherently abusive;they exist to torment unsuspecting people so everyone is a potential SupplySource/victim2) Narcissists prey upon HSP/Empaths inparticular, which makes the abuse distinct, insidious, and especiallydestructive.Of course, I’ll point out that these two statements are highly contradictoryand present a black + white/ good vs. evil narrative that honestly has no placewhen it comes to discussing mental health in an open, honest and well informedway. It is difficult and impractical to moralize mental illness.Now before I knew about my BPD, HSP/Empath was the first concept Iencountered that really reflected my inner processes since childhood. It turnedout to be correct, along with BPD. But I didn’t have all the information Ishould have had, so the context within which I was processing information aboutmyself and about NPD was skewed.

My own painful experiences + misinformation=prejudice. Honestly, Ididn’t want to consider that what hadhappened to me was simply “ordinary” abuse. It still felt far too significantin my life, and affected me personally on such a deep level, that I felt thatto consider it anything other than “Narcissistic abuse” dismissed + invalidatedmy experiences. I thought Narcissists were trying to excuse abuse and tomanipulate perception of their disorder. I never cared to consider the stigmabecause I was too wrapped up in my own experiences.

This was my perspective until very recently, when I started thisblog.

Why I don’tthink it’s valid anymore:

Learning about my BPD was the catalyst for me starting tochallenge stigma. I got sick and tired of being labelled a “demon” or “monster.”Especially since the way I live completely contradicts those labels. I have never abused anyone, and I never will-mental illness or no. I’d had enough of the misinformation, distortions, outright lies, and lack ofresources for Borderlines. I wanted to make a difference. So here I am justtrying my best in hopes that it helps.

Other Narcissists and abuse survivours writing to me and gentlyexplaining that there was no such thing as Narcissistic abuse. I was able toconsider their perspective this time because I had hit a “recovery wall:” Iwasn’t progressing with healing or knowledge, I was stagnating. The reason why is because I found that the online recovery community was nolonger helping; it was frightening me with the toxic, misinformed, and franklyhateful + dogmatic rhetoric being spread under the guise of “recovery.”Where I once found solidarity, I now found the very same emotions I was tryingto heal from: anger, despair, confusion, and rage. These people were no longermy fellow abuse survivours. I saw them for what they were: people stuck andhyperfixated on their suffering, blinded by emotion, professing to a truth theythought was complete, but actually doing more harm than good.While I still check up on a few YouTube channels, I do it because these arefocused on recovery and healthy coping mechanisms, not on demonizing Narcissistsand wallowing in the aftermath of abuse. But even then, I take them with agrain of salt.It also bothers me that so many channels/blogs/authors monetize their preciousknowledge. That kind of vulture-like opportunism on the suffering + desperationof victims hurts us all.Fundamentally, any kind of “knowledge” about BPD and NPD that does not includean open, honest discussion between non-personality disordred people (abusevictims or not) and personality disordered people, cannot truly be knowledge because it’s missing key information +perspectives of the Cluster B community.That’s why I became disillusioned with the recovery community. Ifind them all so amusing and pathetic now. In my opinion (which may be harsh),the survivours who are truly committed to recovery and moving on have checkedout of that toxic community and are learning + healing on their own terms.

I wasn’t furious or in pain anymore; my hate and despair hadburned out. I was ready to truly moveon. And moving on meant acknowledging that I had gaping holes in my knowledge.It was time to humble myself and learn once again.

So when I was told to consider Narcissistic abuse as invalid, I actually listened.

The term “Narcissistic abuse” is invalid because while the abuse aperson experienced is real and valid, itis not its own special category. There isno disorder that makes someone abusive. Abuse is a choice that is made mynon-disordered and disordered people alike.Mentally ill people, particularly Cluster Bs, do need to managepotentially dangerous symptoms. But they are not inherently abusive. It’s also important to keep in mind that moreoften than not, they are actually the ones beingabused.

So ultimately, “Narcissistic abuse” does more harm than goodbecause to blame a disorder for the choice to inflict abuseis just taking the blame off the abuser. They are at fault for whatthey did, and to use their disorder as a reason for why they did it is givingthem an out.

To be clear, I contributed heavily in my own way to the stigmaagainst NPD (and I will also be talking about this openly in the near future aswell). I said some hateful and quite ignorant things to my abuser. I dehumanizedher in order to fully go No Contact. She was not a person, I convinced myself,she was a Narcissist and therefore Iwas allowed to dismiss her thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It was the only (wrong) way I thought wasavailable to me at the time.

I felt completely justified because I was furious and in terriblepain from the abuse; I was betrayed by my best friend and partner of sevenyears, and it just felt righteous to lash out. I don’t take those things back,but I do wish I had been able to reach a reasonable, calm state of mind inorder to truly understand. The situation did not permit it at the time. But it’s been two years of NoContact. Two years filled with tears, learning, growth, victories, andknowledge. I realize now that I was misinformed and even plainly wrong aboutwhat I once thought I knew. That’s okay, because here I am now.

As far as I’m concerned, my abuser can rot in hell. I am happy tohave finally reached a point in my recovery process where I am completely emotionallydetached from her and absolutely cannot care less about anything to do with her(which is a big deal for me so I celebrate it).

No Contact has served me well, and will continue to do so. Istrongly encourage + support everyone to go No Contact with abusive Narcissists and Borderlines.But that is precisely the distinction: having the knowledge and understandingavailable in order to separate the abusers from the genuinely decent Cluster Bpeople, which in my experience is the majority of us.

But that’s an important discussion for another time.

I hope this answers your question!

#thank you for asking!#anon #q + a #bpd #npd #actuallyborderline #acutallybpd #mental illness #abuse #healing #recovery #actuallynpd #actuallynarcissistic #textsfromtheborderline

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