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grailfinders · 2 years

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Fate and Phantasms #12P: Gilgamesh

Today on Fate and Phantasms we’re once again building that big gold jerk (affectionate I swear) Gilgamesh. He’s a… Champion? Dammit, we just got out of the sabers! Ugh… well, despite his opinion on gods his power probably comes from being 2/3s one, so I guess it fits. We have to hop into Sorcerer for his godly blood, and we also dip our toes into being an Oracle so we can get his Clairvoyance.

Ngl, Gil Gamesh was a toughy to figure out. Guy's pretty good at everything, and is rich enough to buy the planet. Still, I think we did a good job here.

Check out his build breakdown below the cut, or his character sheet over here!

Next up: robin from the rich

Ancestry and Background

Sadly, there isn’t really an Aasimar equivalent in Pathfinder (or at least not one in Wanderer’s Guide) so we’ll have to settle for Human for now. This gives you a boost in Charisma and Strength, and since you’re a skilled human, you’re trained in Intimidation, and will automatically become an expert at level 5. Beyond that, your Haughty Obstinacy makes it a lot harder to control you. If you’d be controlled and succeed on a mental save to stop it, you critically succeed instead. Similarly, creatures that fail to coerce you critically fail instead, so you’re immune to their attempts for a week.

At level 5 your protagonist power makes you a Clever Improviser, so even if you’re not trained you can add half your level (or all of it past level 7) to your skill checks. You can even make actions that normally require training to do! The perks of owning literally everything, I guess.

At level 9 we take it one step further with some Incredible Improvisation. You can take a free action while making an untrained skill check to get a +4 bonus to the roll because of course you’re good at literally everything. Should’ve made you a bard, tbh.

At level 13 you can Bounce Back pretty damn well, preventing yourself from being wounded once per day when you recover from dying. Gilgamesh has literally never died not standing up, the guy’s kind of a tank.

Finally at level 17 Your Heroic Presence lets you boss around some mongrels once a day by casting the zealous conviction spell, though it straight-up doesn’t work if they’d hate to follow your commands normally.

Finally, your background. Hey, Royalty is actually an option in Pathfinder, neat! It gives you a boost to Charisma and Constitution, training in Society, and the Courtly Graces skill feat so you can use your society skill to make an impression on nobles. You sure do make an impression on nobles, if that dinner you had with Iskandar was anything to go by. It’ll also give you a boost to your Connections later, automatically giving you connections within your territory and noble connections outside of it.

Class Levels

1. You are trained in Perception, Religion, Reflex, your Class DC, all weapons and armor, Arcana, Athletics, and as your intelligence increases, Occultism, Performance, and Crafting.

Your Strength is your Key Ability, so you get a boost in that, as well as an Ability Boost in Strength, Constitution, Intelligence, and Charisma.

Your Champion’s Code basically informs how you’ll be playing your game- good or evil. For the first time we’re going against a character’s listed morality because the man rapes people. Like this is still the asshole Gil from the start of the epic. I don’t care what his profile says, he ain’t chaotic good. The man’s a Tyrant, and I’m not just talking about his ruling style. As a lawful evil champion, you have the following rules:

You can’t commit a purely good act, i.e. acting out of charity or casting good spells.

You also can’t put another person’s need before your own. (you also can’t put your needs before your deity, but… like, that rule would get broken no matter what.)

You won’t follow the lead of someone lesser than you.

You must enforce established hierarchies, and take over illegitimate ones.

You must bind the weak to serve you, as long as you have a use for them and can be relatively certain they won’t betray you.

Call me crazy, but I doubt most of those will be an issue for you.

Your Iron Command lets you teach whatever mongrel just hit you exactly where they stand, commanding them to kneel in obedience. Either they do and drop prone, or they take mental damage, which increases every couple levels. Also, all your strikes deal extra damage the next turn, also getting bigger as you level up.

You get the Touch of Corruption devotion spell which hurts living things and heals undead. You can use this by spending a focus point, which you get back fully on a long rest, or one at a time by spending ten minutes per point.

You also get another focus point (up to a max of 3) every time you get a new focus spell, like the one from Deity’s Domain. I’d love to pick wealth, but if we want a gate of Babylon, we’ll have to go for Earth instead. This gives you the focus spell Hurtling Stone, spending one action to hurl a big chunk of rock at something. I know you have swords and stuff, but you’re just throwing them at people. Bludgeoning damage is fine for now. By the time you hit level 19 this is dealing a solid 10d6 damage, which almost makes up for the fact that you can only use this twice per short rest.

You also get a Deific Weapon which doesn’t do much since we’re grabbing a sword, and a Shield Block which does absolutely nothing since we don’t have a shield. Blocking is for people who are worried.

2. At second level your Conceited Mindset gives you a +2 bonus against mental effects, and if you succeed it’s always critical. In return, your failures are always critical as well. This is kind of covered already with your ancestral bonus, but you’re really conceited, so it’s fine.

You can also use Group Coercion to coerce… a group! Right now it’s just 2 people, but that’ll get bigger as you get better at intimidation.

On top of that your two-thirds god side awakens when you pick the Sorcerer Dedication, giving you a Divine Bloodline as well as training in Nature and Diplomacy. You also learn two cantrips from the divine spell list. Grab Shield to protect yourself with projected swords and Divine Lance to unprotect other people with projected swords. By “unprotect” I mean you hit them. Now you’ve got a gate you can spam all day! This one’s alignment-dependent though, so if you need to fight another lawful evil creature, make sure you stock up on rocks.

3. Your third level isn’t quite as wild, though picking up a Divine Ally in your Blade is nothing to sneeze at. Now you can make your sword Fearsome, making a creature frightened when you critically hit, or Shifting, turning your sword from a sword into any other weapon that uses the same number of hands. Obviously you’re not using Ea, so having a hand-held Gate of Babylon ready to go could be useful.

You’re also used to bossing people around, which is why you’re a Hireling Manager, giving any hireling you get a +2 bonus to all skill checks.

Speaking of skills, you’re an expert at Athletics. That armor is heavy, and you’ve got to be able to move.

4. At fourth level you can become a Sacral Lord, giving you rulership over a land. Within your borders you can cast detect magic, guidance, and sigil as cantrips, and you have a +1 bonus to make an impression on extraplanar beings. Your mood will also affect the area and vice-versa, though that’s not a mechanical thing.

You’re strong enough that your Intimidating Prowess speaks for you, giving you a +1 bonus to coerce or demoralize creatures, and you don’t need to share a language for the full effect. Vaporizing people with magical swords is a universal language, after all.

Finally, you gain Basic Sorcerer Spellcasting, giving you a 1st level spell and slot. Then at sixth level you’ll get a second level slot and make one spell a signature, and at 8th you’ll get a third level slot and spell. For our first level spell, pick up Bless for some Charismatic power, giving you and all allies within 5 feet a +1 bonus on attack rolls. It’s a first level spell, they’ll get better.

5. Fifth level! Weapon Expertise is self-explanatory, as is your expertise in Occultism and Intimidation (from your ancestry). Also, your Ability Boost in Strength, Dexterity, Constitution, and Charisma? Doesn’t really need too much info to grasp. This job’s easy!

6. Sixth level is a little more complicated. You can issue Iron Repercussions against people who don’t kneel from your Iron Command, dealing persistent damage instead of a single hit.

You also get more comfortable in your seat of power with Terrain Expertise. If you’re playing to Gil’s character, you’ll get a +1 bonus to survival checks in either a desert or plains. If you’re making your own I’d pick whatever area your sacral land is in.

Finally, your Basic Blood Potency lets you use Dangerous Sorcery, adding extra damage to blasty spells. You admittedly don’t have any yet, but you do have Spiritual Weapon, which works pretty much how the DND one does. Make a floaty weapon, hit people with it. Flavor it as just making a new one to throw around every turn and you’re good!

7. At seventh level your Armor Expertise and Weapon Specialization helps you deal more damage and take less, while being a master at Intimidation makes it a lot easier for you to cow crowds by coercing up to 10 people at a time. Your Treasury contains more than just weapons though, making you a Prescient Planner. Once after each shopping trip, you can simply summon up whatever you need when you need it. You still need to be able to afford the item, but that’s not exactly a problem.

8. At eighth level your focus pool maxes out when you learn the Sun Blade spell, letting you Ea it up a bit with a giant blast of fire from your sword. Okay, it’s not exactly giant yet, but somewhere between 4-12d4 is still a solid hit.

You can also issue a Battle Cry at the start of each fight, demoralizing a foe as a free action.

Finally, your Bloodline Breadth gives you an extra spell and slot for each spell level at least 2 below your highest. In other words, you get an extra 1st level spell this time around along with your 3rd level spell. Your first spell is Bone Spray, which despite the creepy name could just as easily be a bunch of swords shooting out in a cone dealing piercing and bleed damage.

Your third level spell is Behold the Weave, giving you a little futuresight as a treat. If a target doesn’t critically succeed on their will save, you’ll learn what they’re doing in the future, forcing them to commit their actions ahead of time or lose them in a paradox. You learn one on a success, two on a failure, and all of them on a critical failure.

9. Nine’s another easy one. You’re an expert in Champion dcs and attacks as well as reflex saves. You’re also a master at Fortitude saves and you make critical successes instead of regular ones. You’re also an expert in Society, and you can add a Divine Smite to your Iron Command, dealing persistent evil damage if they don’t kneel.

10. at tenth level you get another Ability Boost, giving you enhanced Strength, Constitution, Intelligence, and Charisma. You also gain Devoted Focus- if you used at least two focus points, you can regain two focus points per Refocus.

Your Skeptic’s Defense means you don’t believe in gods so hard you can counteract mental effects using your intimidation. If you succeed, you can ignore the effect entirely, and the source of the effect becomes stupefied for one round if they can understand how weird that is.

Your Advanced Blood Potency gives you access to a Split Shot, spending an action before making a single target spell attack to make it a double target spell attack. Each shot deals half damage, but it’s still all one attack. Now you get focus back twice as fast, and you can fire off twice as many earth shots. That’s like, eight times as many swords I think.

11. Proficiency bonuses: expert in Perception, master in Will and Athletics. You can also Exalt your iron command, forcing all enemies within 15’ of the original to make the kneel or hurt choice too, though the extras only take the minimum amount of damage and they don’t get the extra goodies from Smite or Iron Repercussions.

Finally, your treasury finally gets Prescient Consumables in stock, so you can also summon consumable items as well as your regular gear.

12. At level twelve you can issue a Litany of Self-Interest, enticing a target creature to work for their own goals instead of that of the gods. It gives a creature +2 to attacks, perception checks, saves, and skill checks, but it can’t do anything that positively affects other creatures, even if it helps them too.

You can Quick Climb too. It’s not a giant flying platform, but at least it’s vertical mobility. Your armor is made of gold, it’s really hard to drag around.

You can even make Detonating Spells now, throwing a sword with so much power behind it to deal splash damage to adjacent creatures. This works with your split shot too, so now you can hit a lot of people with a “single-target” spell.

13. You’re a master in armor and weapons, and an expert in Religion. You can’t piss gods off without knowing what makes them tick, after all.

14. At fourteenth level your Radiant Blade Spirit gives you extra rune options for your sword- flaming, axiomatic, or unholy. The alignment runes deal extra damage against the opposite alignments, and flaming is just cool. Ea looks kind of flaming, doesn’t it?

You’re also good at Exhorting the Faithful, giving you a bonus to request things from your own religion, and letting you use religion instead of diplomacy to do so. Why give those gems to Ishtar when they could go to you?

Finally, we get our other archetype, the Oracle. You become trained in Medicine and Acrobatics, and you pick up the Battle Mystery- you also gain two more divine cantripslike Create Water and Quick Sort for more treasury shenanigans.

15. Your next ability boost helps your Strength, Dexterity, Intelligence, and Charisma, and your Incredible Investiture helps your drip. Nothing special, just the ability to invest up to 12 items instead of 10.

Your Greater Weapon Specialization helps you deal even more damage, and you’re also a master in Religion. You might not like the gods, but you do have to live with them.

16. Good news! You’re now an Instrument of Slaughter! If you’re dealing extra damage with your Iron Command and you score a critical hit, the enemy also takes persistent bleed damage! Kind of situational, but Ea’s a really cool sword, it needs a lot of dice to roll.

You’re so terrifying you can force enemies to make a Terrified Retreat. When you critically succeed at demoralizing someone, they flee for one round.

I know it’s a little late, but your Expert Sorcerer Spellcasting gives you more spell slots, and thanks to your breadth that means you get 1 2nd level spell, 1 3rd level spell, two 4th level spells, a 5th level spell, and a 6th level spell, all from one feature!

To start, you can Enhance Victuals, which is just a fancy way of saying you make food better. Whether you’re replacing trash food with something from your treasury or you’re just so fucking rich water turns to wine to impress you, you’ll be able to live the good life.

For even more anti-godliness, a Crisis of Faith not only messes with someone’s mind it also does more damage if they use divine spells and depending on how badly they fail they can become stupefied and can’t cast those divine spells for one round.

Ea’s so cool it can become an Implement of Destruction, meaning you target a specific enemy- if they fail a will save they’ll take extra mental damage from it for up to a minute, and can even become doomed, reducing their number of death saving throws by 1. You can also use Spell Immunity to make yourself immune to anime nonsense using even more anime nonsense. Gil’s got an exact copy of every noble phantasm in his treasury; it’s going to take a lot to surprise him. Now you can name a specific spell and Spell Immunity will attempt to counteract that spell whenever you get hit with it. Thank goodness you can see the future.

For a proper Ea-ing, use a Flame Strike to call down a ten-foot radius of divine fire. It cuts fire resistance in half, and even immunity doesn’t quite work on it.

Of course for our sixth level spell I had to make a Blade Barrier. Throw down a bunch of swords, hurt anything that passes through the area.

17. Woof, that was almost as long as level 1. Let’s have a nice and easy level this time, huh?

Your Champion Master makes you a master with your class DC, as well as divine spells. You’re also legendary in all armor now, plus Religion.

18. At level 18 you can make a Gruesome Strike, doubling the damage from your Champion’s reaction and forcing a fortitude save or they become drained.

You also finally make some Connection, letting you make a society check in areas you’ve spent time in to pull a favor with important figures.

Finally, you gain your first and only Basic Mystery, letting you Widen Spells you cast, spending an action before casting to add some extra space to your area of effect spells.

19. On your penultimate level you become legendary in Intimidation, letting you Scare to Death an unfortunate enemy if they fail a fortitude save. It also becomes a lot harder to kill you thanks to your Hero’s Defiance, healing you up if you would drop to 0 HP. You can still get instakilled, but you’ll stay up a lot longer.

20. Your final level comes with a final ability boost for Strength, Dexterity, Constitution, and Charisma. You become a Radiant Blade Master, giving you even more options to customize your sword.

Your Terrifying Resistance makes it even easier for you to cut through most saves once you demoralize a creature, giving you a +1 bonus against all their spells.

We also pick up an Advanced Mystery from your Oracle training, letting you make an Oracular Warning as a free action upon rolling initiative. This lets you or another ally have advantage on your initiative roll, and since you’re legendary in religion you can give this to two people. However, this means you get disadvantage on yours. Still, you should let the dogs fight it out first, makes things easier for you.

Pros and Cons:

Pros:

You’ve got some pretty good saves, with two masteries, critical successes even from early levels, and a bunch of bonuses on top of that against anyone trying to control you. I’d be willing to bet that even gods can’t keep you down!

You also have some solid swordplay, which plenty of big hits to go around and a bunch of runes available to customize your blade further. Being able to tell the future is also a big bonus against melee fighters- if you can get an ally out of harms way after they call an attack, that’s one less action you have to worry about in the fight! Action economy saves lives, people.

Despite technically being a melee class, we also picked up plenty of powerful spells, and thanks to your quick-charging focus and your spell list being twice its usual size you’re good at spamming them like a true Gilgamesh would. On top of that, your ostensibly single-target spells can even become two area of effect projectiles, so not only can you spam, but your spam is supersized.

Cons:

You have bad Wisdom. Most of your will save comes from your proficiency, but it also effects your initiative roll, and with your futuresight also eating into that, odds are you’ll be going last more often than not. That’s especially bad since you’re the one with the futuresight to begin with!

Speaking of wisdom saves, your conceited mindset doesn’t really do much for you in the lategame. In fact, it’s almost entirely a hindrance. A +2 bonus is nice, but your regular bonus is already a +20ish by late-game, and this whole time it forces you to critically fail any mental save you wiff, which gets a lot worse at high levels!

While you’re better at spamming focus spells, they’re still not good for spamming since you only get three per short rest, roughly. After that you’re stuck relying on your giant sword and regular spells like some kind of… commoner. The horror.

#fgo #fate grand order #pathfinder #PF2E #Gilgamesh #Champion #Sorcerer #Oracle

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thepete · 1 year

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We Humans are in Trouble and it’s Not How You Think (or Maybe it is?)

If you think about the truly massive massiveness of the insanely vast universe we live in, it's pretty hard to make the argument that we are the only intelligent lifeforms in said universe. Stephen Hawking famously said that we shouldn't want aliens to visit Earth because they might think just like humans do and do what we did when we started "exploring" our universe (also known as "genocide"). But this assumes that all "intelligent" life is selfish, supremacist, and violent toward things they don't (bother) to understand.

I've often heard the reasoning that "intelligent" life learns how to manipulate their environment so that it better suits the needs of the "intelligent" life. Not long after I first learned that theory, I came up with my own: What if truly intelligent life is life that is smart enough to live its life without manipulating its environment? Dolphins, bonobos and octopuses are all very intelligent beings and even have somewhat human characteristics. The smarts to open a jar (octopuses), the social organization to travel in groups and work together on tasks (dolphins), or even negotiation skills that include homosexual behavior (bonobos). What if the aliens that are out there are just like dolphins or bonobos, or octopuses and might be floating by our planet right now? Maybe they've built a space ship in a way that didn't pollute their home world or strip mine it to its core? What if they didn't even do it by exploiting lesser beings or even members of their own species that were less fortunate? Perhaps they learned to live harmoniously with the other lifeforms and themselves and the natural systems on their planet and only wanted to explore space to see what was out there.

What do you think those aliens would think of us?

Would they be impressed with our thriving economy? Would they think our leaders in government and business were doing everything right? Would they marvel at the plastics and other miscellaneous chemicals that have found their way into every animal on the planet? Would their jaws (assuming they have them) drop at the sight of our incredible weapons of war in action? Would they pat us on the back for how we treat our people of color, our women, or less fortunate?

I suspect that they wouldn't feel very positively about us after gazing upon the humanity that we are.

They'd look at the centuries of war, slavery, and human exploitation, and wonder why it is still happening.

The homelessness, famine and poverty that humans still suffer in the 21st century would be equally challenging for them to understand.

The rich living in mansions would seem to them like their equivalent to medieval castles.

The destruction wrought on the physical bodies and culture of black and brown peoples that continues to this day would probably repulse them.

The way we ignore education and under value not just intelligent people, but the teachers who taught them (and the rest of us), would inspire deep shame and pity from these aliens.

We spend trillions of dollars on invading countries and waging war on those weaker than us, while health threats to all human life, like cancer, heart disease, failing water systems, and more are all but ignored.

They'd squint in disbelief when recognizing what we're afraid of: terrorists, gangs, trans people, homosexual people, people using the wrong gender bathroom, discussion of history, discussion of truth, discussion of the clitoris, discussions of rape, guns, financial/gender/racial inequality, infrastructure, hell, there was a President of the United States who banned broccoli from the White House. It's highly probable that they would find us a petty, shallow, base species.

They'd shake their head (if they have something like a head) at the fact that after 200,000 years of humanity existing in its current biological form and this is still where we are at?

These aliens would likely conclude that not only should they not visit us, but they should stay the hell away from us and make sure we don't ever leave our planet. Of course, they know we're too shallow, and fearful to actually leave our planet without a really, really good reason. We're too focused on our own petty squabbles, truly ancient rules, absurd biases and fears, and overly adaptive bigotry (we'll find any reason to hate or discriminate) to actually make a serious attempt to explore space.

And if they're aliens like Stephen Hawking predicted? They'll kill us anyway, so why not at least try to not seem like shitty space neighbors?

#Earth #trouble #aliens #commentary #essay #what are we doing?!?#humans #humanity #culture

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imtryingmybeskar · 2 years

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Starman Chapter Sixteen.

I have nothing to say except that normal service will be resumed next week. And that I think it's pretty obvious that I'm not a biochemist and my biology education stopped age 16 so forgive any inaccuracies. I have tried to use inclusive language gender-wise.

I also owe nods to both Terry Pratchett and The Walking Dead. And probably a whole host of other things since I am a total hoor for horror and science fiction and the combination of the two.

Warnings for murder, gore, blood, human experimentation, vast discussions of pregnancy and conception, miscarriage, religion, a mention of religious based transphobia and bioessentialism, periods, sperm (but not in a sexy way), non specific mention of rape, suicide.

Word count: 7.8k

Starman

Chapter Sixteen

Professor Caoimhe Alarie

"I don't...I don't really know what to say. A lifetime of presentations and speeches and demonstrations, but I can never seem to find the right words for my own private journal. Why to make one at all? I suppose its another tentative reach of hope - that one day future generations will look back on these recordings and at least begin to have an understanding of where they came from. Or perhaps it is arrogance and sheer hubris that makes me think that there will be future generations at all. Who can know? We are so close, so close in so many ways, and yet on days like today I fear that we are still as far from a solution as we have ever been.

This vessel is both a refuge and a dream. An ark, as Caleb so quaintly puts it. He had to explain the reference to us all. I still don't understand why he delves so deeply into those old philosophical texts, but if that is what brings him comfort during this madness then who am I to judge? Our many gardens are fruitful and the horizons bright - scans show a system mere months away that looks extremely promising. There is one large moon in particular where all signs point to functioning biosystems that we can integrate with. Its associated planet is less hospitable, but terraforming should be possible once we have established ourselves more fully. I just hope that we can land safely and decant in peace. The children that have been born thus far are as happy and healthy as one can expect given that they have never experienced anything other than artificial gravity. They play and learn and we are instilling the importance of our mission and their parts in it. I myself try to devote some time to teaching them. Not biochemistry oddly enough, but languages - I am the only Irish speaker on board, and along with Mssr. Durand I ensure that they know their French too! I want the children to be exposed to as much of the culture of where we came from as possible. I am not alone in this desire, and we are very lucky to have such a diverse team. The children are also picking up Japanese, Igbo, Finnish, Arabic, Mandarin and Spanish from some of the others on board. This too is a kind of preservation.

One of the nurseries is already full again - the shorter gestation experiment seems to have been an overall success, though the rate of parental mortality was unacceptably high in my opinion. Perhaps if we fall back on attempting replication of those results in the Genetic And In-Vitro Alteration tanks only we could save more lives. Though I am aware of a division growing amongst those who were grown in utero and those who came from GAIA. We cannot afford this rift. When we land, we must work together if we are to survive. If we cannot, perhaps we really have learned nothing from this mission. Perhaps we deserve-

No, I cannot think that way. Of everyone on board this ship, I cannot think that way. I desperately wish we could have retained communications with the other...arks...out there. Impossible of course. The whole point of them, of us, is to spread as far through the galaxy as possible. To give us the best chance of survival. But it hurts...the emptiness of simply not knowing how they have fared. And of the certainty that we shall never know of their fate.

The next nurseries have been prepared and are ready to receive, but I fear the consequences of these experiments. The smaller children...the idea was to make it easier for them to pass through the birth canal. After all, when we begin to terraform on a wider scale we may not have the luxury of medically assisted births. We must make it as easy as possible for people to give birth without intervention. I hope these children will not be too small that they cannot survive independently. We have their incubators on standby of course, but given that we are to land on a potentially hostile landscape very shortly...we will need all able bodies, all resources to make that happen and establish ourselves. They need to be strong enough by then. Those who were implanted with multiple embryos worry me even more. If a person can produce several children at once, then of course that is preferable to multiple people with multiple gestation periods for a child that may not even survive in the end. The odds are more favourable to us if there are, for example, five or six in utero. But the cost to the parental body...the labour intensive nature of raising that many helpless infants all at once. Again, we have the luxury of being able to do that here, but what about out there? How can one person survive two or three or four at once? At the moment, bodies are not well designed for such things. Perhaps we should revisit some of the discarded ideas once more...

Every time we make progress I feel like our destiny branches - granting a multitude of possibilities, but with oh so many that bring us closer to regression. We barely escaped our home in time - our environment saturated with poison to such a degree that it had irrevocably changed us as a species. Millions of years of evolution halted in the face of greed and carelessness and lack of foresight. While we were busy trying to clear the floating rubbish that had piled en masse on the land and in the oceans we had already ingested too many plastic particles, too much of the detritus of industry. We fled because we had soiled our habitat to the point that our bodies were permanently chemically altered - our eons old reproductive method of flinging genetic material at each other and hoping it took root no longer viable, natural pregnancy and birth a true rarity. The crisis was so long in the making, and the solution so quick in the execution. I feel for those left behind and I hold out hope, however desperate and futile it may be, that they too find a way to survive."

Caoimhe hesitated and then stopped recording. All of her journal entries ended the same way. Much as she tried to keep to updates of how the mission was proceeding, how the experiments were progressing, she always, always came back to that anxiety, that hollow feeling of guilt that had pursued her across the galaxy deep into unknown space.

Logically, she knew that there had been little other choice. She was one of the finest scientific minds they had, one of a very few candidates to lead one of the population expansion missions. The hope was that they would scatter themselves among the stars like dandelion seeds, the ships that contained them serving both as pappus and achene, once they found suitable ground to land upon. But they had left so many behind. So many precious lives. The testing and harvesting had taken nigh on two decades. Twenty years to sort the wheat from the chaff, the sheep from the goats - idioms Caleb had so "helpfully" supplied from his religious texts. It had been on a purely voluntary basis, though that was of scant comfort to her now, and those who had donated their eggs and sperm had been well compensated, less generously if it emerged that they were unsuitable candidates for the programme. Caoimhe had been angry at the transactional nature of what had occurred, even as she understood the necessity of it. Even then at the eleventh hour when the crisis was far too large to ignore any longer, money had been the primary motivator for most to act. The chance of salvation, however slim, had been the other. There was only a very finite amount of room on each ship. Storing genetic samples was far less consuming than hosting fully grown people. But they had to take some. After all, if they had merely wanted to replicate humans they could have cloned themselves a billion times over. That wasn't the objective, though it was still the very last failsafe that they had. Collectively it had been agreed that they wanted to fix what they had broken if at all possible, to be able to reproduce as most mammals do. There had been riots when the populace had figured out what was happening. Cities, governments all burned away in the face of impotent rage and fear. But by that time the chosen fertile few had already been in orbit, surreptitiously ferried up to the stations over months and years, barely a goodbye said to their cradle of life as it fell into chaos and flame below them.

Of course, some had believed that the answer was to give up, to accept the fate coming to them. Extinction - no longer slow and drawn out but imminent and real. Caoimhe couldn't truly accept that, though. The ever searching, ever questioning scientist in her wouldn't allow it. The cracking of the human genome had been the first tentative step on the road to manipulating the human genome and that opened up so many possibilities to explore. So much potential for their future. When it had first come about some wild and eccentric experiments had occurred in telepathy, precognition, heightened extrasensory perception, some even decided to see if they could emulate cephalopods and change their outward colours to match their environment or inner emotions. This had been before the true horror of their looming demise had been clear, when some had seen the marketing potential for such things and dreamt of selling superhuman powers to the highest bidder. All else had been put on the back burner eventually, the only priority to perpetuate instead. Those experiments seemed...fanciful now. A relic of a bygone era when whimsy was still to be indulged.

Caoimhe rose from her chair and stretched, pain tinged relief rippling through her as bones finally crackled into their proper position again after hours of being hunched in an unnatural position over her desk. She couldn't sit here and ruminate all day. She needed to check the nurseries and check in with Caleb. He was responsible for their plant life , every bit as precious as the human for obvious reasons. She had been calling most of the shots on this mission thus far, but had made a point of working closely with him as much as possible. Once they had found their home, his expertise would come to the fore as they began the process of actually bedding in and surviving wherever it was they would end up. She didn't agree with a lot of what he found fascinating or relevant within his ancient holy books, but then again she understood the need to cling to something - especially something of the old world. As long as it didn't interfere with the work, she could put up with his eccentricities. She sighed heavily at the anticipation of the stretch of work ahead and exited her tiny personal room.

*** *** ***

"Professor Alarie!"

Caoimhe heard her name hissed softly through the velvet dark of the night. Her brain was slow to react, rising through sleep into wakefulness far too slowly for the liking of whomever was trying to get her attention.

"Professor! Professor Alarie! Caoimhe!!!"

It was one of the lab techs, she realised as she blearily dragged herself from her horizontal position to sit on the edge of her bunk. What was his name? Doug? Don? "I'm awake," she replied, her voice a little hoarse from dehydration.

"He's losing the child," came the panicked tone and at that Caoimhe was now fully awake. Fuck. She dragged her clothes on and flung the door open, chasing the young man who was already halfway down the sterile white corridor and heading toward the surgical ward.

They had landed on the habitable moon three weeks ago and were prepping to make their first tentative steps out onto that world. Scans had shown bird and insect life, but no large land or marine creatures that might pose a threat to their safety. Both she and Caleb had agreed to take it slow - better to sit tight within the walls of their ship for a while and make absolutely sure they weren't going to be paid a visit by something or someone that they couldn't handle. Some were finding the pressure hard to take - after so many years in space, they were desperate to find a home, somewhere to set down, breathe non-recycled air, walk on real dirt. The FTL drives had enabled them to skip across the galaxy of course, had negated the need for cryostasis while ensuring that the on board community could continue to work toward their goal. Even so, it had been a long time since they had come across any kind of potential place to live and the mood on board was tense, uneasy. The feeling of a knife edge permeated everything.

Caoimhe had hoped that some more successful live births might well raise the spirits of all, remind them of the much larger stakes than their own personal comforts. Several of those without natural uteruses had volunteered to try to bring babies to term in simulated wombs that had been surgically implanted within them, hoping to take the pressure off everyone else, to be more than living storage for sperm. The well documented and seemingly irreversible degradation of the Y chromosome appeared to interfere with these simulated uteruses however, and the weakness of the Y spermatozoa in comparison with X spermatozoa seemed to provide some insight in to why those bodies could not support life as well as others. But there was no time anymore, no time to investigate and experiment and find out exactly why there was such a high rate of failure to try to fix it. Caleb tried to quote some idiocy from his texts at her - something about certain bodies being "designed" for certain purposes. All nonsense of course. Biology was a messy thing and could rarely be viewed in such black and white terms. But whatever the outcome of tonight, she would put a stop to this particular branch of research. They had lost two foetuses and one parent and they simply could not afford to lose anyone else. Besides, medical intervention was usually a necessity in these cases. And they needed to move away from that avenue. She had hoped for a few more healthy children before she called time, but it couldn't be helped.

She washed her hands, shoved a surgical gown over her clothes, put a mask and gloves on and entered the theatre.

*** *** ***

"Well...um. I don't know what to say. Again. These...these past few weeks have been incredible in many ways. And heartbreaking in others. We managed to save the child. Barely. She was born at twenty eight weeks. A true twenty eight weeks, not via accelerated growth. She has been doing well since. He did not survive. We had to make a choice. And he insisted we choose his daughter. It was the right thing to do, I know that. And we have stored his organs and his blood and his sperm. He will live on and will assist others through his passing. But still the guilt is relentless. How much more death must we witness to perpetuate life? It seems the height of cruelty.

But on to brighter subjects. Most of the multiple births have gone extremely well. A total of thirty four infants were born to eight adults. We only lost two babies. Heartbreaking though it is, that ratio gives me hope. The smaller children are doing well too. Twelve from twelve and only four incubators needed. They are sturdy and healthy, which is what matters. Next...I have some ideas. I went back to the very start of my research, the earliest concepts I drew up. Some are ethically questionable, some medically improbable, but some...some might just work. I am interested in making conception itself easier. Perhaps through manipulation of menstrual cycles - regularly allowing more than one egg to be released at a time, or perhaps shortening the cycle so that eggs are released more frequently - although frankly I am loath to make that particular ordeal any more unpleasant if it can be avoided.

Which brings me on to the male refractory period. Why have one at all? If the need for that could be removed, wouldn't the chances of conception be greater, even if the sperm was somewhat degraded? I will need to do some research into this. But the test subjects we brought were all chosen precisely for their child making and bearing potentials, so the chances of their ejaculate being of poor quality is low. I wonder if any of the technicians would volunteer. After all, it hardly seems a terrible gift to bestow...but human trials would be quite a time away and I would need to put this forward to the others on board to hear their thoughts. We cannot start down unethical paths so soon after landing on our new home.

And what a home! The other delight of the past couple of weeks. The moon is lush, temperate, seemingly perfect for us. There are several large freshwater lakes. We have tested the waters repeatedly, filtered and boiled and distilled to make it as safe as possible. When we drink it, there is a tang of something...something distinct. It doesn't taste like any water we have ever known. There is a tiny hint of...well, it tastes to me like eucalyptus. It is quite delicious. Perhaps its just because I am finally drinking something that hasn't already passed through hundreds of kidneys! We have been drinking this water for a week with no ill effects. I am daring to hope once again.

We still do not go outside without full environmental suits and helmets on. All scans point to breathable air - the composition percentages slightly off what we are used to, but nothing that will cause us harm. Deconstruction of the outer parts of the ship has now begun. The hold was made overly large for this very purpose. Now we have arrived, we have begun to transform it into the hub of a habitation area. It will connect first to some sleeping quarters for those who are working on construction, then our galley and then to the hydroponics bays, arboretum and plant nurseries. The arboretum seems almost redundant. The trees here are enormous - beautiful. Trunks metres across, yellow and green leaves far above, thick, twisted branches all the way down. They look so inviting, like we should be climbing them. The primal, genetical call of our distant ancestors across time. And while I keep referring to "we", I personally have not explored, merely viewed the footage taken by others and observed what I can through the viewports. My work keeps me firmly tied to the labs and surgical wards right now, and neither of those will be moving from the core structure of the ship any time soon. I do envy those who can go out. I will have to earn that particular luxury. But my time will come.

The GAIA tanks are almost ready to be decanted. I debated simulating a navel with the next batch, in an attempt to further integration. If they can't tell who was grown in the tank and who was grown in the womb, perhaps there will be less tension on board. Personally, I find the scars on their backs quite beautiful. They're all non - functional marks anyway. Who cares what they look like? People get hung up on the most inane things."

*** *** ***

"It has been several months since my last entry. Work has been frantic, unceasing. When I am not in the lab I am in the galley and when I am not in the galley I am sleeping, though those occasions seem to be few and far between. I have not had a breath to think of anything else except what must be done. I presented my idea for the refractory experiment to the other scientists on board and they too saw the potential that I had. We worked tirelessly and very shortly the mice we experimented on were able to survive the physical change. Admittedly we rushed human trials, as everything is rushed now. We um...well I hadn't counted on the psychological effects of such a change."

Caoimhe halted, shook her head at the horrific memory of what had transpired.

"The first volunteer...he...he went insane. His desire took over and he...killed himself in the end. He couldn't switch it off, it was as if because he could continue he had to, regardless of how exhausted he was. Or how willing his partners were. We isolated him for his crimes. This isn't a prison ship, we had nowhere truly suitable. We thought he would calm, that we could give him drugs, therapy, something to rein him back. But by the time we came to see him the next morning he had torn strips from his bedding and-"

She ran a shaking hand over her tired, puffy eyes and swallowed thickly before continuing her voice low and defeated.

"They dismissed my other ideas out of hand and called an immediate halt to the experiment. But I know it has merit. If I can just tweak it in the mice, I know we can make it work. There are so few unmitigated successes in Science. Surely they must know that. I just need time. More time. And then, when I am successful perhaps they will revisit my other ideas. I must go...I must get back to it. I can feel it begin to consume my mind. Obsession is knocking. Perhaps I will take a trip outside soon. Just to have a break from those cold, white walls and glaring lights. In fact-"

She broke off again and sat, pensive. When was the last time she had been in any other part of the ship? Was there even a ship anymore? How were the habitation sections coming along? She hadn't even seen Caleb for...days? Maybe weeks. She shook her head, trying to dislodge the bleary fog of weariness and the seesaw feelings of hope tipping into despair tipping into hope. She needed a break. And she was going to get it.

*** *** ***

"Caoimhe, I'm so glad you could join us!" Caleb's soft voice cut through musings she didn't even realise she was dwelling upon as she approached the locker room next to the airlock.

"Join you?" she asked, perplexed. Caleb's smile faltered to a frown as he took in her slightly disheveled state and her quizzical, not-entirely-present look.

"We are going out for a little botany jaunt," he said gently. "Everyone who wants to come is welcome. Many have been outside and returned unharmed and we are finally satisfied that the atmosphere is breathable and there are no lurking surprises out there fauna wise. Environmental suits are still necessary, but you don't have to wear a helmet. I er...I messaged you about it. Several times. You haven't responded to any of my missives for a while."

"I'm sorry Caleb," she said sincerely. "I was so caught up in this latest round of trials that I forgot...well...everything else. I decided to come out today because I feel that my focus is tipping into an unhealthiness of mind. I need a break."

Caleb nodded, relief visible in his eyes. "That's good," he replied, his tone soothing. He leaned closer to her and lowered his voice conspiratorially. "I heard about what happened. I just want you to know that no one blames you. You are under such pressure and these things can never be so precise...its why we conduct tests and experiments after all. At least we know it not to be a viable avenue. We can move on from it."

A flare of anger surged in her chest at his words and at the tone she now felt was patronising in the extreme. What could he possibly know about her work? Or how much pressure she was under? He who grubbed in the dirt day after day while she was trying to save an entire species? She suddenly saw the afternoon stretch ahead of her - Caleb bleating about his philosophy, about how God had blessed them with such a place...what had he taken to calling it? Eden? Elan? Something he had picked up anyway. They would walk and he would want her to talk about what she was working on and want to talk about what he was working on and the dozens of people out with them would all be exclaiming over the place and making noise...Caoimhe could feel the beginnings of a headache just at the imagining of it all and her energy left her at precisely the same time as her enthusiasm for this walk. She wanted to be alone. She would go out when the shine had begun to wear off for everyone, when she could be at peace out there. Until then...well it wasn't as though she didn't have enough to do.

Caleb had continued to talk when she had not and she broke into his speech, not caring how rude it was.

"I'm sorry Caleb, but I feel a little unwell," she announced. "I will defer this time. But I will go out very soon. I just...I need to lie down."

She vaguely thought she heard Caleb try to say something as she departed, but by that time Caoimhe was back in the well of her mind, her thoughts already turning to the myriad of problems they faced.

*** *** ***

It started slowly, an insidious oozing. Seeping that began to saturate. Trivial arguments that should have been resolved and forgotten about. Clashes in personality that had previously been amicable enough and now seemed insurmountable. Long term partners suddenly separating, citing irreconcilable differences and moving into different spheres of the habitat. Lively chatter and laughter replaced first with sullen silence and then angry words. The cloud settled upon the settlement and no one realised the mistake that had been made until it was far too late.

Certainly not Caoimhe. After her interaction with Caleb she had locked herself away again in her lab, this time bringing a supply of ration bars, water, and setting up a makeshift bed within the rooms so she could throw herself into her work ever more intensely. A part of her realised that she was in too deep, that she should try to find her way back to others, but the greater part was still grieving the loss of her lab tech volunteer. She had done that to him. And she owed him and everyone else to put it right.

Besides, she knew there could be a breakthrough, they were so close, she could almost taste the victory...She spent most of her time with her headphones on and laptop close, blocking out the audible and visual of everything except her tasks. Those few times a message notification flicked up she ignored it. Ignored too the multiple missed call notifications that appeared one day after she had fallen asleep in front of the screen, headphones blaring the soothing sounds of long-dead oceans into her mind. If they really need me, they'll call back. Or come to visit, she rationalised as she returned to her projects.

When she finally surfaced back to her surroundings it was only because she realised she had run out of water. She glanced at the date on her computer and was shocked to discover that she had closeted herself for eight whole days. She stood, her legs protesting at their lack of proper exercise. It was definitely time to step outside of the lab again. She had made excellent progress, but her mind was beginning to falter and she needed a change of scenery. She briefly wondered why she had received no visitors in that whole time - no Caleb, no lab techs, no happy parents with newborns - but she quickly realised that they must have thought her upset, sulking over her failure. The fact that she had ignored all attempts at contact couldn't have helped, nor had the way she had been so dismissive of Caleb the last time she had seen him. Shame flooded her as she realised that she owed him an apology. He had always been her friend, despite their differences. He hadn't deserved being brushed off that way.

The door to her lab opened with a sprightly tone as it always did and Caoimhe halted in the face of something peculiar. A gurney had been pushed up against her door. She peered out into the corridor, first one way and then the other. There seemed to be nothing else out of place. She pushed it gently out of the way, over to the opposite wall. Someone's idea of a prank maybe? There wasn't a whole lot of room down this corridor though, and it would have taken someone unnecessary effort to get it there from the surgical ward. And it was a poor prank at best. Her door slid open sideways, there was no chance of either it or her colliding with the gurney. She set off down the corridor toward the hydroponic bay, a tickle of unsettled feeling at the back of her skull.

That tickle became a trickle down her spine and into her gut as she progressed. Something was definitely wrong. Where was everyone? Why was it so quiet? She passed a viewport without really seeing what was beyond as her mind ticked over, then she froze and very slowly walked backward to look through it, her eyes wide in shock. Parts of the cannibalised cargo hold were still recognisable. Work had apparently progressed well, and several branching corridors had been constructed from that main atrium - five that she could see. Only two of those ended in actual rooms. Two were still open ended, coming out into the lushness of the moon itself. One led into a partially completed room and it was this that had caught her attention. It was like a stage play, a sliver of incongruous modernity and soulless technology against a backdrop of verdant, green, overwhelming natural life. A tiny opening into a different world, inviting her to observe a moment frozen in time.

The endless sterile white that she had come to expect, and she now realised took for granted, was sullied. Heavy sprays of black that she knew had once been red decorated the walls like an abominable Rorschach test - one where death was all that could be deduced. Three bodies lay heavy and unmoving on the floor, the breeze softly rippling through hair and clothing. One still clutched a welding tool, the stain at the tip clearly visible against the (mostly) white of the tiling even a hundred metres away as she was. She couldn't tear her eyes away, and the more she looked the more she saw. There a hammer, a puddle of gore surrounding it incriminatingly. There a table turned on to its side, presumably an attempt at defence given how battered and bloody the top of it was. There an arm, apparently ripped from its socket and flung clean across the room, though she could clearly see it was extraneous, given that all three bodies already had a full complement of limbs...

She gasped, air unable to fill her lungs, bile rising heavily through her gullet, dry mouth, pounding head...she bent over and retched, the small amount of rations consumed hours before coming back up to stain this pristine floor too. When she straightened, she realised she was no longer alone. Caleb was ahead of her in the corridor, watching her as she might observe a vaguely interesting yet not unexpected chemical reaction. He had an extremely large, extremely sharp pair of shears in his hand. Caoimhe's eyes flicked from them to his face and back again. She felt as if she were frozen to the spot, waiting for him to make the first move, for him to dictate if the moment would descend into a madness of the sort she suspected had occurred out there.

"Caoimhe." His voice was hoarse, as though he had been silent for too long. Or screaming came a distinctly unhelpful voice in the back of her mind. "At last."

"What's happened, Caleb?" she asked, her voice soft with fear and sorrow.

He laughed, and it wasn't his usual bird like trill. It was deeper, less free, more knowing. "What indeed? And where have you been throughout might be a more pressing question." He advanced a few steps and she retreated in kind. He hesitated and then looked down at the shears in his hand, seeming to notice them for the first time. A succession of emotion passed over his face - surprise, sadness, fatigue and finally determination as he looked back up at her. "Where have you been, Caoimhe?" he asked again, his voice now low and menacing.

"I was...In...In my lab," she mananged to stammer out, still shuffling backward in increments she hoped he wouldn't notice.

"Your lab," he echoed flatly. "Your lab?! And you didn't notice anything?"

"Notice what? Caleb, please. You're scaring me!"

"Where. Were. You?" he asked again, advancing further.

"In my lab! I told you! I was...I was working on the refractory problem. We were so close...I thought If I could just try again-"

"You didn't hear the running? The screaming? The attempts at communication? Is that what you're expecting me to believe Caoimhe?"

"Yes! Goddamnit Caleb, yes!" she yelled, desperately. "I was in there for over a week! Listening to notes and music, typing, conducting tests...I lost track of everything. You know how it is when you get hold of something like that, its as if the rest of the world fades! I spoke with you that day about going outside and then I grabbed supplies and I locked myself away. And when I got out today someone had wedged a gurney against my door and I'm seeing DEAD BODIES outside and your behaviour is quite frankly alarming and I don't understand!" She stood there, chest heaving, her eyes desperately searching Caleb's face for a single clue - either about what had occurred or about what his next move would be.

He stared at her for several seconds then seemed to wilt, semi collapsing against the wall, the shears still clutched in his hand and his head bowed. "Going outside," he mumbled bitterly, his voice so quiet that Caoimhe had to strain to hear him even over the ringing silence that had fallen. "That was the beginning of it." He straightened with visible effort, leaning against the wall fully now, his head tipped toward the ceiling as if he couldn't bear to look at her while he spoke. "It seems so long ago now...but your little tantrum saved us both," he declared colourlessly. "After you left, I didn't much fancy a walk either. My enthusiasm departed with you and instead I found myself worried about whatever it was you were going through. I decided that I would go out with a later group - send someone from hydroponics in my stead to scout for potential edible vegetation." His head lolled to the side, finally meeting her gaze and his eyes were now expressive - full of sorrow and a gathering of tears. "Whatever is out there, our scanners can't detect it," he whispered. "Its in the soil, or the pollen, perhaps even the air itself. Samples upon samples upon samples have been taken and tested in every conceivable way and they are all perfectly normal. But they weren't - those who went out without their helmets I mean. They weren't normal when they came back. They were...fidgety. Restless. Dissatisfied. Spoiling for arguments. Those arguments quickly turned violent. Fatal. Well you've seen-" Caleb gestured vaguely over his shoulder at the viewpoint behind him. "We couldn't stop them. Couldn't reason with them, couldn't even contain them. Everyone who tried ended up dead. They just went beserk, no limit to their strength in their madness. We realised the correlation fairly quickly. Disinfected the airlock. Burned the suits that had been used and decontaminated the others. But eventually we had to separate people. Those who had been out without protection and those who hadn't. It...it degenerated so quickly. Everything just...fell apart. Thankfully, whatever it was and however it worked it seemed contained to those who had been in direct contact with the outside. There was no cross contamination. We cut off the habitation side. Shored it up. Welded everything shut. And then we listened to them tear each other apart." His voice broke on the last sentence, tears fully streaming down his face now.

She could feel how slack her face had gone. The scientist in her was screaming questions about viruses and if there was a possibility that this was not a natural occurrence but some sort of weapon and how on earth this was going to impact their projects. But only one question emerged from her, one terrible question that she could barely get out past the lump in her throat and the quivering of her lips. "How many?"

"Between those who were directly affected and those that they killed...we lost about two thirds of us," Caleb confessed quietly, and Caoimhe gave a loud sob and collapsed against the corridor wall too. Two thirds. There hadn't been that many of them to begin with. More than half of their precious cargo. More than half of their numbers.

"The children?" She forced the question out, needing to hear but not wanting to know the answer.

"They're fine," came the reply, and a knot she didn't even realise had been there loosened in her chest allowing tears to fall freely down her face for the first time in many years. Thank God. Thank God they were fine. Caleb appeared in front of her and she was so loose limbed and exhausted from the weeks of unending toil and the catastrophic news she had received, she couldn't even find it in herself to respond with fear to the shears that he was holding.

"I won't tell you that it's okay," he said bluntly. "It's not. But we have the labs and the tanks and the hydroponics. Most of the ship is still intact. We can leave, get away and-"

"No." Caleb looked at her quizzically. "We can't," she elaborated. "At least not yet. I have too many expectant parents...At least...at least I hope I still..."

Caleb nodded and touched her shoulder reassuringly. "They're safe too," he confirmed. "We kept them with the children and babies, kept them away from everything."

She nodded numbly, tears still streaming down her face. "Then they can't go through takeoff. I won't risk them. We need to do the best we can here. Use the tanks as much as we can. Teach and nurture. Prepare and grow our numbers. Then when we have a crew again we can leave, find somewhere better. Ensure that this doesn't happen again."

"Caoimhe-" he began, but she interrupted him.

"Please Caleb," she begged. "I can't lose anyone else. And I don't think you can bear to either."

He stared at her for a few moments, then nodded in clear resignation. "Come on," he invited. "Let's go to the nurseries. The children and remaining parents are left inside. The expeditions were supposed to be staffed by crew only, not civilians. But some of them just...they just wanted to see..." His voice trailed off, hopeless with grief.

They began to walk in silence - back down the corridor toward Caoimhe's lab and onward to where the tanks and nurseries were situated. As they passed her room, Caoimhe heard her voice speak as if coming from miles away. "How did that gurney get against my door?"

Caleb made a noise that could have been a hiccup or a snort. "I put it there," he confessed. "When the chaos began to descend, of course I tried to contact you. I pounded on your door, rang the bell, tried to guess the code. Nothing. I assumed that you had found your way out after all and gotten caught up in what was happening. At the very start we attempted to treat the afflicted. The gurney was part of an abandoned attempt to bring someone into the medical bay. When we realised what we were up against, we collectively made the decision that we could not allow those people anywhere near the children. That's when we herded them, sealed them into the habitation section. When I next passed this way I made another attempt at entry into your lab and when I could not I placed the gurney against your door. I don't even know why. A marker, perhaps? So that if your door ever did open and someone emerged, I would know. It worked too." A wan shadow of Caleb's old smile flitted across his lips. "The movement of the gurney drew my eye to the screen monitoring outside your room. It's how I knew to meet you here." She opened her mouth to ask a question, but he continued, correctly anticipating what she was going to say. "A lot of equipment was damaged in those first few days. Including the monitoring equipment that had already been transferred across to habitation. Some of the recordings from the past six weeks were corrupted or destroyed and we don't have an entirely accurate picture of what occurred. That's why we don't have a true account of exactly who was sealed inside, who fled through the forests, who killed whom. All we have is a head count of those left on this side, and a personnel list. I'm glad I can add you to the tally of the living." He gave another watery smile which almost immediately translated into a grimace as his chin began to wobble. "Perhaps its better that we don't have the footage," he added with a shudder. "I've already seen so much that I never...I can't..."

He trailed off, his face pinched and weary. Caoimhe took the hand that didn't contain a weapon and squeezed it, a message of silent solidarity and comfort.

*** *** ***

"Its a life we're rebuilding. Of sorts. I'm sure there are people worse than us out there in the vastness of the universe. But we have all had to make sacrifices. We have all had to erase those boundaries that we swore were immutable. Morality cannot exist in a vacuum, cannot exist when we face such a grim reality as this. Some chose their deaths instead. They couldn't live with what they had witnessed, the loss of those dear to them, the notion of potentially never leaving what is left of the ship again. Of course, we have salvaged what we can of them to assist us. Nothing is ever wasted here.

All that exists is the work and finally my ideas have been met with greater enthusiasm than I could ever have predicted. Two distinct wombs within one person. A revival of some of the more supposedly frivolous genetic manipulations with chameleons and cephalopods so that there is a physical manifestation upon the skin when someone genetically compatible is near. Making all female presenting genitalia internal, so that there is more room to give birth vaginally - after all a few extra centimetres can be life or death without medical intervention. These experiments are currently in progress, with varying levels of success. And all it took to make it happen was the near-total destruction of our little corner of civilisation.

Caleb and I have taken charge as joint leaders of the rest. They need to be led, shepherded if you will. Their primary purpose now is to perpetuate. And while a part of me is disgusted about reducing whole people to this one act, that part is small and growing weaker. I find my thoughts flinty these days, my heart like granite. And since we cannot be sure what caused the madness within us, I cannot be sure that it is not an offshoot of the same. Or perhaps it is merely pragmatism. Regardless, I cannot find it in myself to care about those moral judgments as much as I once did. It is an irony that I have begun to find some comfort in Caleb's religious texts while he himself has outright rejected them, unable to maintain faith in the face of what he has seen and done. We still get along well. I am glad that here, at what feels like the end of all things, I have a friend such as him. His child is strong, healthy, growing within me day by day.

I say me...

Secrets abound, even now.

I took it upon myself to keep back a few of the GAIA tanks for my own use. Caleb is the only one who knows what they are truly for, though we will be unable to keep it hidden forever. The third batch of clones are coming along nicely and these ones are the most precious of all. I have attempted a basic memory transfer, which seems to have been well received. No longer will we have to spend years teaching them what I already know - they shall be born with that knowledge and can pick up the work immediately. Caleb had no interest in physical intimacies and so his sperm was matched with an egg donor from our database and implanted into one of the first set of clones, the ones with the physical modifications I have begun to perfect. I do not wish to experiment on anyone unnecessarily. Thus, my clones seem perfect. After all, they are me and I give my consent. And we are so few now...the babies and children outnumber the adults by some margin. Someone has to take care of them all. And someone has to begin rebuilding the ship. I already have plans for batch number four. If the memory transfers are successful this time around, I shall take the transcriptions and logs from the engineers that we lost and attempt to upload them into the next few mes. From my limited understanding of these things, it seems that the FTL drives are still working perfectly and with a little tweaking we can get the core of the ship back to being space-worthy.

Caleb is right. We cannot stay on this death trap forever. We cannot live with the ghosts of our mistakes forever. We must be bold, soldier on. Away into a future with a brighter prospect.

#starman ezra #tagging this is weird #prospect fanfiction #prospect fanfic #ezra prospect fanfiction #ezra prospect fanfic

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black-rose-writings · 1 year

Text

I posted 612 times in 2022

That's 265 more posts than 2021!

165 posts created (27%)

447 posts reblogged (73%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@stromuprisahat

@rist-ix

@kasamira

@tired-demonspawn

I tagged 553 of my posts in 2022

Only 10% of my posts had no tags

#grishaverse - 235 posts

#grishaverse meta - 209 posts

#irl stuff - 71 posts

#anti leigh bardugo - 58 posts

#book review - 52 posts

#twilight saga - 52 posts

#anti alina starkov - 47 posts

#grishaverse worldbuilding - 46 posts

#winx - 40 posts

#čumblr - 36 posts

Longest Tag: 137 characters

#surely someone would have told her that her personal routine was not something she was allowed to share with people outside of the palace

My Top Posts in 2022:

Fate rant part 1 - Winx was already dark enough

Theme-wise. There’s no excuse for whitewashing Flora and Musa.

No, really, it’s not that hard to make the story of Winx more mature, you just have to look at it differently:

Season 1 - Though it is generally pretty tame, the plot involves a girl from Earth discovering she carries in her the power of this universe’s version of God, having that power ripped out of her violently and against her will and having to go on a soul-searching journey to recover it, while the villain is wreaking havoc using it.

She also finds out that she’s adopted and that her birthfamily was killed by a coven of Witches in search of that power, and that she’s the only known survivor of a planet-wide genocide. And she’s a princess of said dead world, whci has been made uninhabitable by the attack. Oh, yeah, and the descendants of those witches are also trying to hunt her down for that same power - and succeed.

FFS, in like the 5th episode, Stella is almost murdered on screen by the Trix, because they wanted her ring.

Darcy mind-controls Riven to date her and spy on the Winx. If they had sex (which 17-18 couple probably would), that’s straight-up rape, right there.

Sky had to switch identities with his bodyguard/squire in for his own safety as a crown prince. He’s in an arranged political engagement with another girl while he pursues Bloom. You could easily dive into political consequences of breaking this engagement that has lasted since they were both children for a “peasant” girl if you wanted to show a more mature side of that. (But like, maybe demonizing Diaspro for being upset about it isn’t a good idea).

The scenes in Magix city after the attack of the Trix are fucking haunting me to this day.

Oh, yeah, and Bloom’s spiritual guide in the season is literally the ghost of her sister, who died at a very young age so that Bloom could live. (I’m sure there’s more dark stuff in season 1, but that’s just what I remembered, so feel free to add).

Season 2 - Oh, boy, season 2.

Our primary antagonist is quite literally the devil, and he was quite directly responsible for the destruction of Domino

We start out the season with the Pixie being captured by him and then tortured and killed one by one as he’s searching for an item they are guarding. Layla/Aisha is almost murdered when she’s trying to save them, managing to barely escape with her life and her bonded pixie.

During the rescue mission, Stella almost dies from lack of sunlight and her boyfriend is held hostage and almost forced to marry someone else, under the threat that if he refuses, she will be locked up underground until it kills her. He is later saved from this at the last minute through the use of a love pspell that makes his would-be wife fall in love with another man(I’m not gonna get into love potions/spells being basically date rape drugs).

A man is replaced by a doppleganger, gets the underage-or-just-fresh-adult Bloom to trust him and then kidnaps her, so his master can subject her to what is a not-even-really-veiled rape allegory and subsequent mind control.

And, once again, Bloom is still the only known survivor of a genocide and her personal story during the show focuses on her finding out more about her home and family.

There’s other things, too, like Sky being murdered and resurected by Bloom, that one episode that deals with Musa’s dead mother and how her dad became abusive out of grief.

Season 3 - it’s not any better.

The Trix are sentenced to a icy hellhole prison, that they manage to break out of with the help of another person tied to Bloom’s past - this time, a man who is effectively her dark reflection. He’s driven by revenge against his captors and quest for power that he believes is rightfully his (I’ve seen some fics suggesting that he in fact had/had learned those powers before, but they were stripped from him once he was captured and playing with this idea would be a sure-fire way to get into some dark moral corners).

This time, we have two people who were mind controlled into a relationship - Stella’s dad and Sky. Rapey much?

Like, season 3 in general is really good and really dark without even really hiding it. Everyone gets a near-death experience and Bloom and Valtor’s relationship as reflections of one another/two sides of the same coin could be something incredible to explore (and a lot of fics do).

Also Faragonda and the rest of the Company of Light are really fucking shady in all of this.

And there is Layla/Aisha’s arranged marriage to Nabu.

Movies 1 and 2 - again, not even really hiding their darkness. Mind control is ever-present, as is mass-murders and destruction, dead family members and court intrigue.

Season 4 - surprise, more genocide.

This time of the Earth fairies. - I mean, they don’t end up being dead, but... they seemed to be and a lot of them probably were.

And also the subsequent revenge against the Wizards of the Black Curcle and humanity as a whole. Give us the full story of the war between the Wizards and Fairies and you’re already really fucking dark and complicated.

Also, Nabu literally dies on-screen - some dubs say he falls into a coma, but IIRC, he dies in the original. Flat out perma-dead. Right after he and Layla/Aisha got engaged. Causing her to seek revenge.

Season 5 - good news, no genocide... except when Tritanus tries to murder everyone on the surface of Andros at the end. So... attempted genocide only. Improvement!

And there’s torture, turning people into monsters against their will, repeated attempted fratricide, a curse that tore a young woman’s spirit out of her body, forcing her to exist as a disembodied spirit for what is most likely at least 20 years.

See the full post

91 notes - Posted April 21, 2022

Best way to describe my feelings after finishing Twilight:

97 notes - Posted June 5, 2022

I’m starting to think that what’s actually the problem of the Grishaverse, especially the TGT, is that there is a disconnect between the universe, the story and the marketing.

The Grishaverse is a grimdark fantasy world, filled with discrimination, inequality, slavery, war and violence, with political power held by absolutist monarchs and unscrupulous capitalists, where law serves to those with power and fucks over everyone else and where often, the only way to achieve justice is by taking it into your hands.

The story is marketed as a Young Adult fantasy adventure.

And the author wants to tell a fairytale romance story.

And it just doesn’t work.

There are three common ways to incorporate grimdark elements into media - glorification (aka “we’re totally not pandering to incels and psychopaths, pinky promise”), shock value and commentary, with most stories blending all three to some extent.

And the Grishaverse firmly falls into the “shock value” category, whether we’re talking about Zoya’s backstory or the horrors of the Ice Court.

But despite being a grimdark universe, the author still tries to force fairytale morality onto it, causing her protagonists to look like short-sighted, naive idiots and forcing her to bend the rules of the universe to the breaking point to make them win.

104 notes - Posted January 16, 2022

Let me introduce you to two characters:

The first is an immortal man. He’s ancient from human perspective, but he’s considered to be young and idealistic by other immortals. His life’s mission is to protect a wolrdwide opressed minority, that he belongs to. This ahs been his mission since he was 13 and he’s at least 500 now. He’s their guardian, their patron saint in many ways. He was almost killed for his power by his first friend and vowed to build a world where nobody ever needs to be desperate enough to do that. He’s a character driven by empathy, a strong sense of justice and a wish for world peace, the end of wars and discrimination, and he’ll stop at nothing to achieve that.

The second is an immortal woman. She’s still young, even by human standarts, but she has the potential to live forever. She’s an orphan, who fell in love with her foster brother. She’s a member of an opressed minority, but she’s revered for her powers instead of despised, through no action of her own. She doesn’t care for the opression of the rest of her kind, as it doesn’t affect her. She’s willing to do anything, even kill innocent people, to protect her brother/love interest. She’s immature, self-centered and short-sighted. She has a love-hate relationship with her powers, her desires, her social status and even her life itself. She likes having power and doesn’t think twice about using it for personal gain and satisfaction, but she despises having responsibility and the expectations her position gives her. She’s driven by her paranoia, her codependant and toxic relationship with her brother/love interest and by her internalized prejudice.

Tell me, which of these two characters sounds like the hero of the story and which like the villain?

156 notes - Posted June 7, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Character motivations - Why so many people side with the Darkling

Character motivations are a big part of them - why they are liked, how their actions come across, so on and so forth. How motivation is written can make or break a character - and TGT fails at this spectacularly.

The motivations of the “good guys” are unclear at best and plot-dependant at worst, while the “bad guys” - the three that we’re introduced to - have extremely understandable and valid ones.

Motivations of the Darkling and his supporters:

Darkling: Wants to stop wars and persecution of the Grisha everywhere in the world.

Ivan: Wants to stop the endless wars that killed his entire family.

Genya: Wants to take revenge against her rapist and probably the people and system that enabled and furthered that abuse, for herself and all the man’s other victims.

Everyone else: Presumably either want end of the wars or Grisha persecution as well.

Motivations of Alina and her side:

Alina: Wants to live a quiet and peaceful life with Mal, sometimes, maybe. Or rule over Ravka as a Living Saint. Maybe. Possibly. Or die. It varies.

Mal: Want to bang Alina and have her undivided attention - preferably while she gets none herself, I guess. And maybe kill the Darkling because... he liked Alina? Is Grisha? Kills people? Unclear.

Zoya: The Darkling killed her only decent family members, so now she wants revenge (established retroactively).

Nikolai: Wants to rule Ravka, because the current monarch and the actual heir are incompetent assholes and he decided that the "Living Saint” is better ally than the “scary and evil Darkling”.

David: Doesn’t like killing people and feels bad for being part of a mass slaughter that included civilians.

Genya: ? Probably because the Darkling is the Black Heretic and therefore deserves a worse fate than her rapist, I guess.

Everyone else: “Darkling evil”? “Monarchy good”? Are Sun cultists? Who knows, certainly not the reader.

Motivations of miscelaneous other characters:

The royal family: Wants to keep their position of power.

The Apparat: Wants more power, which he plans to gain by controlling the Sun cult in Alina’s name.

Baghra: Wants to “redeem” her son, whatever that means. “Making sure he only cares about her, himself and nobody else” being a strong possibility for the meaning of it.

To be fair, I might be a bit hyperbolic with the lack of motivation on Alina’s side, but their motivations are really the muddiest.

And that’s an issue when they’re the ones who we’re supposed to root for.

Especially when the villain not only have much clearer motives, but they’re actually really fucking good ones.

The system is broken, the world is fucked up and full of prejudice and violence. The “villains” want to fix the system and have a concrete plan how, the “heroes” either want to keep it the same, don’t care about the issues or want to fix them, but their idea of how to do it is “ask the people commiting literal genocide to pretty please stop”.

I don’t know what else to call this but Boomer logic. In a book whose target audience is teenagers.

It’s no wonder so many people like the Darkling and his side better than Alina and hers.

288 notes - Posted February 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #irl stuff #i guess #long post

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heavenlykittens · 2 years

Text

MISSING

I. i remember as a child

marrying my plushies while i wore rose colored glasses

not even realizing how broke we were, that my home, the only one i’d ever known, was about to be sold

or that my mom left so early every morning cos she was going to the methadone clinic

i was going to therapy at age seven or eight, playing puzzle games while i talked about my dad smacking me across the face in front of my only friends for accidentally drooling on him cos of my massive overbite

watching my mom get thrown against our red garage door by the police for stealing a watch

while i screamed bloody murder from behind the window scream, begging, pleading, sobbing, “please don’t take my mommy away”

over and over and over and over

II. and this is the normal life i thought i was living

I thought i must be rich like every single other kid around me, I had no idea we were on food stamps - i thought i was normal… even when my father dragged me onto his 29th story balcony to scream at me and put down my every insecurity

and eight year old me truly considered suicide by jumping, first time i felt suicidal

but i still thought all was well.

III. every apartment i’ve ever moved into after the house sold was slightly worse and slightly smaller than the last, until I ended up where I am now, where I got raped, by a stranger in the “lobby”

on camera yet the cops still said I wanted it

a man smashed my window in cos he was off his meds. all there is now is a wooden board over it

this building has all the crack one could ever need

I feel sick, ill, empty, but most importantly - so so scared. for my life. if i even have a future left. fear is crippling.

IV. I spent decades with no emotions towards dying but I think fear of death is much worse - i miss not being scared to die

i’ve overdosed, blue lips, death rattle, cold to the touch, six times, but here I am, still breathing

definitely the ideal way to die - it’s like going into a warm, gentle slumber

BUT I DONT WANT 2 DIE

there’s too many things to do

I don’t want to be a wilting flower, just wanna grow more appendages, and watch my leaves, rubber leaves, turn greens and pinks - but i’m still scared… if never… accomplishing… anything…. truly

I feel like a rag, a couple uses before it stinks and ends up in the trash.

V. the internet disgusts me, so much disgusts me - on the daily i have identity crisis’ and wonder who the fuck i am!

who AM I?

without my platinum mop on my head I feel even more confused

I don’t know who is staring back at me in the mirror - i’m a blob of confusion and shitty makeup

VI. i’m so filled with fear that i’ll never accomplish what I truly want

I’m 26 but I feel so old

it hurts realizing my art ain’t all that - my writing is subpar

all i’ve got, though

I’m loved but my own self hatred seems to override that

the mirror mocks me - one moment i think i may be beautiful and then i remember that i’m not

i’m just me, whatever that means

whatever that lunar eclipses on my birthday, or the stars in the sky and planets in the universe decide is me

but it still doesn’t tell me the answer… who the fuck am I?

VII. nothing that exists my mouth is good enough for you, why does it feel like you’re working against me when we were built to be a team? i’m losing it… you

IIX. i want to sit on the clouds and laugh at those below and instead, i’m the goddamn joke I don’t want to be the joke

I don’t want to be, period

nothing but a dream, but i’ve lost my wings and my heart.

I live inside somewhere close to hell, stepping on hot coals barefoot

I feel no pain, and I feel all the pain

fear is starting to consume me when the one I love says the words, “nothing left to lose”

my parents never protected me and never will but you, you’re supposed to protect me…

IX. I am not immune to this type of fucking fear

roses roses roses

petal, skull, petal, skull

my hearts gonna grow wings and fly straight outta my chest

but i won’t die, my eyes water with the threat of more pain. i never signed up for this kind of hurt, I was born into it

X. I just want to be married - but it’s too much to ask after eight years

more aspirin, benedryl

xanax doesn’t even take the edge off anymore, cos there’s no edge left - it’s so much stronger, my chest feels emptied out

like my chest was contained in a glass bottle that burst when it couldn’t contain my spirit anymore

XI. take the knife, the needle, anything that hurts or numbs

I just wanna be numb

I can feel the tears escaping my eyes but all I feel is nothing

emptiness, clouds, open skies

I sold my soul and didn’t get a goddamn thing in return

this amount of pain is too much for one girl to take

I feel

LESS THAN HUMAN, as always.

#idk if there’s any typos i don’t feel like reading over i copied this from my notebook #writings #poetry

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black-quartz-sphinx-judge-my-vow · 2 years

Text

The Sandman Audio Book Chapter #16 Lost Hearts

And then she woke up.

What a powerful episode, and what hard work done to earn that line. “I suppose there are worse endings.” There truly are, Rose could have died! But beyond that despite being cheated out of an entire life Unity did get to wake up, and find her family, and be around people who cared for her at the very end. Plus she got to save one of those people. How sweet.

Gilbert going to save save rose!!!! I die! “I don’t think I can save her, but I can hope and pray.” RIP Fiddler’s Green. A beautiful display of love him teller her to sleep under his trees. I hope we get more of Gilbert, but I really liked this beautiful location appearing in the Dreaming.

I also like that the Raven was like “okay I’m in.” And went with Gilbert to help.

Morpheus got some good play in this episode. The VA really got to play around with his regret for what he has to do. Last episode I wasn’t so much mad with Morpheus as I was with Neil, but he clearly regrets fucking up and losing an entire planet once. So him killing Rose is duty, and we get it. Everyone in the scene gets it, no one really tries to stop him…

Except Unity Kinkaid!

May I just say, what a ass pull. Is there any foreshadowing at all that Unity was supposed to be the vortex? Did the witches say something about it, did Desire in his castle? I can’t think of anything. Which is not to say I hate it, I like Unity saving Rose, being young in her dream, and saving the day. It was a bit anticlimactic. “Ah…wut happen!”

“You died, everything is saved.”

“Dope.”

I love her just saying. “This is a dream, it doesn’t have to make sense.” So true.

I’m sure when I read this issue in a few minutes it’ll be visually satisfying, but the audio of the moment was a little weak, and this is a review of the audio book. At least put a little music in there.

Rose her mother and her brother move into a house. She decides to write her own happy ending to her story rather than wallow in the strife of the universe, I love that… we’ll see how long that lasts. Rose doesn’t know she’s a comic book character. Gwen Stacy has been dead for like forty years and still hasn’t found any rest.

We also get to hear Dream’s philosophy on himself and his family. Which is that they serve humanity. Eh, we’ll see.

We get this insight because he too thinks Unity being the vortex came out of nowhere and he accuses desire of being the person who raped sleeping Unity, and that Rose is their blood. The melodrama is in full swing now!

Ken and Barbie split. The spider ladies buy the house from Hal who moves out west. Probably good for the drag queen to escape Florida while the gettings good. At least he found someone!

Barbie goes weird? Read as: Barbie will return in the future.

Random Thoughts:

I just want to say how good the voice acting is in this ep. Especially the exchanges between Gilbert and Dream. It’s a tense exchange and everyone is great.

Rose’s mom was born in England, raised in Seattle, lives in Boston, has a Jersey accent. A woman of the world.

Rose is friends with the freaking girl from the dinner, I want to die. As if that chapter wasn’t traumatic enough, now we get to see how it’s traumatized the loved ones of the event as well. What fun. That is my favorite chapter of the story so far, and I’ve really been wanting some kind of closure to it. Hoping that this is a hint of some kind of healing.

My big swing for the fences prediction:

Desire mentions a lost sibling, and an abandoned domain. Rose is now revealed to be on the endless family tree. I suspect she becomes an endless at some point and becomes the ruler of that real. Discipline? Duty? Diaries?

Only time will tell.

In the end great, touching chapter. Well worth the anguish I felt over the last one. In the end our lives change just as much as our dreams. These pains and nightmares are out of our control, but we can choose how we deal with the pains, and how we decide to think about our stories. And if we’re lucky we get to wake up from them, even if it’s only long enough to make a single connection.

#the sandman

0 notes

aboutagirl4031 · 2 years

Text

The moon

The importance it has always had to me, when I’d feel lost I’d stare at it, when I was 12 and felt rage I went outside and sat on my swingset, I stared into the full moon and I held my chest, I wished I wasn’t feeling that way, bc I didn’t like it. The moonlight at night gave me a sort of hope. I don’t know what it was but from then on throughout my journey as young woman, I looked to it for that same stability of hope. When we moved to Washington I would stand on the deck stairs and aimlessly stare into it but I had lost that passionate feeling in my chest so I continue to stare trying to find something deeper or different within myself. As a young girl my mind was sharper and I could recall things so fast but that has passed and now I don’t even remember why I was holding onto. But the moon kept me here, I had no idea how or when I left but I’m here now, it’s a mess. All I know is that the moon got me through. When I felt alone and felt that nobody seen me, the moon was always there, I was 14 when I start really learning about the moon and how it affected water and our bodies, it’s wildly fascinating and beautiful to me. Nearly every night I would worship the moon and replay my good memories once more. When I was raped I remember the pain bringing me to and I stared at the full moon and as it warped from my tears my heart broke, I lost myself in that moment, I hated myself, I wanted to be that woman who waited until marriage, I wanted to be with one man the rest of my life. That didn’t happen for me and when I found somebody who I wanted to commit to he projected his own insecurity onto me and we were over before we even started, I loved him like a child, I loved him in the most simplest ways…the part of me that I used to be loved him so much, I’ve grown a lot and without those parts of me I wouldn’t be who I am today but I know now more than ever it was never me, he had his own shit he didn’t know how to deal with and he was afraid of. Nothing I could do as a woman could ever make him feel better and that’s okay. There’s that small part of my that will always love him but the pain he has caused me is greater than that love now. I am young but my spirit will continue to go on in other dimensions and plains when my body is long gone, So for now this pain and anguish is only temporary but for as long as the sky gets dark on this side of the planet our moon will guide our bodies while we are here. You are pure innocence and nothing will stop me at giving you everything you deserve, the love i have for you compares to nothing I've ever felt before, it saddens me i couldn't get myself together in the beginning but I did it quick enough so that your life will have so much more meaningful moments than mine ever did. You are my existence now and I'll stop at nothing to give you the love you deserve. forever .🌙

I am somebody who has been hurt but that doesn’t need to be your pain, i am a woman looking for her own peace and I’ve had many men hurt me because men have this funny way of expecting women to give them everything, men can be pretty simple minded and lead by their own self importance and preservation, while women think to look into themselves in order to reach higher levels of empathy, heart and understanding. Sometimes it’s like dealing with another species and it’s hard not to be vindictive towards men but I promise I’ll raise you to be a woman who loves herself and seeks men of self respect and happiness, of course there’s good men who exist but unfortunately vast majority of men in todays society are emotionally immature, neglectful and lack the emotional intelligence to have important meaningful relationships, men don’t ever get held accountable for their actions and that’s okay, they can live in their own way but they shouldn’t expect a perfect women when they lack the ability to prioritize self care and education. Men are just born with a stuck loud ego, which can be very useful but they don’t know to contain it, my dear this world is so big and full of endless possibilities, I know a lot and I’m sorry I brought you into a world that doesn’t respect women, I’m sorry I brought you into a world where I’m I’ll equipped in ensuring you have stability and are protected but there’s nothing that can stop me from giving that to you. I’m sorry we live in a world where men sit at table debating if we have rights or not. I’m sorry this world is so unjust but it’s the rage inside of women, the fire we are born with that keeps up going. We are born with power and resilience and that scares men so much, bc they cannot fathom doing what we do. So they make us feel small, they make us feel crazy and unworthy. But I will stop at nothing to make sure you are educated so that no man will make you even think to question yourself. You are everything and more. You are special and I’ve found my purpose and I know why I’m here and I know that’s why you came to be, I’m here because I was suppose to have you, your here for a reason sweetheart and I’m so sorry your surrounded by empty headed misogynistic, sexist men. I’m sorry there isn’t a better man in your life, I’m sorry you had to watch me cry and get disrespected, I’m sorry I failed you, I should have chosen somebody who loved me. I’m sorry I was an insecure hurt person too but we’re coming to a new era where It’s all gonna happen for us and we don’t haft to answer to men.

0 notes

olderthannetfic · 3 years

Note

Hi! I know you're one of the older fans on Tumblr & I wanted to ask you about the anti movement. I'm 19 & when I see people talking about the ages of anti fans, they're often within the 14-25 age range & I have no idea why. I also feel it's a little unfair to say that younger fans tend to be antis, though it is understandable since I've also made mistakes when I didn't know things. Why do you think most antis are younger fans? What should younger fans who aren't antis do to be more involved?

Hee! I’m 40, which, tbh, actually isn’t that old for Tumblr (though it’s certainly old compared to the common perception of tumblr), so sure, I can probably answer this. I guess there are two questions here: 1. Is it true and 2. why, if so?

1. Experience suggests that antis do tend to be young... but it does not follow that young people tend to be antis. (You’d have to know the proportion of antis relative to the overall population of fandom, which we don’t. I think the majority of people of any age tend to want to read fic in peace and not be roped into endless wank.) I definitely see some ringleaders who are older and good at manipulating fandom trends for their own ends too.

2. Why would this be the case?

When I was in college, we used to joke about all the freshman year Marxists. It’s an eternal phenomenon: people who don’t have much experience learn a new thing and are on fire to change the world using the one tool in their toolbox. (To a man with a hammer, yadda yadda.) There’s no passion like the passion of the newly converted, and young people tend to have a lot more energy and often a lot more free time to yell on social media. Antis may be one expression of this among people currently in that age bracket. It’s not like people my age didn’t do other annoying-ass things when we were that age. You just don’t see it because it was 20 years ago, a lot of it was never online, and all the websites/platforms from then have been systematically destroyed. (Often by yahoo. Fuck yahoo.)

The other half of the reason, in my opinion, is that there have been concerted efforts to sway lefty/socially liberal people in specific--often TERFy--ways. It’s somewhat reminiscent of the right wing radicalization of gamer guys.

People are susceptible to it because their lives suck and because they don’t know enough history or have enough confidence to form their own opinions and stand up for them. Sure, some people are going to go hardcore for anti views no matter how much they know, but a lot of people are just being swept along with the tide because something sounds superficially pro-gay or pro-protecting kids or whatever.

I cannot emphasize enough that the things that make someone ripe for the alt right are the same things that make them ripe for cults and for various kinds of toxic fandom shit: it’s usually the smart, sensitive overthinkers who don’t have enough close actual friends and who aren’t in a good place in their lives.

---

So what can you do?

You can try to make fewer more significant friendships and make sure your support system isn’t people you only know because you currently share a fandom. Most of my offline friends are people I found through fandom meetups, don’t get me wrong. I’m all for making fandom your life and only hanging out with fandom people, but we’re just regular friends who have dinner parties and shit (well, when it’s not the plaguetimes). Most of the time, we don’t share specific ships or fandoms. It’s vitally important to have a real support network that can’t be ripped away by social media wank.

The next thing we can all do is publicly stand up for what we believe in and not cave to pressure just because someone yelled “think of the children”. It’s important to be clear about the real history and logic behind these things, whether it’s the history of censorship that inspires people to support AO3′s extremely permissive policies or the fact that ‘queer’ was a fully reclaimed umbrella term in the 90s.

It’s okay if we don’t all agree. What’s not okay is appeals to emotion and ignoring science. A lot of anti bullshit is like “Rape fantasies are an abnormal red flag”, and this goes against every damn thing we know about human sexuality.

Part of this is examining our own stances for illogic and hypocrisy. If thought crimes aren’t real, then all of them aren’t real. I see way too many “Okay, but that one gross kink though!” comments from people who claim to be on my side, and this is very silly.

Possibly the biggest thing, though, is that we as a planet need to start being savvier about shitty social media and how it’s destroying our mental health. I don’t have a good overall solution, and obviously, I’m still on tumblr, but we all really need to cut down the amount of time we’re on sites like Facebook and Twitter and probably tumblr too. The more it has an algorithm and the less it has moderation, the more it’s a problem. Individual discords and spaces that can have moderation are better. It’s fine if some of them are 100% antis. The point is to have multiple spaces with rules that suit different groups.

A thing you can do is make your own spaces: be the owner of a discord for your ship, not just a passive participant at the mercy of shitty mods in an existing one. Run a fic exchange with rules you think are sensible and be firm when people try to scream about problematique things you don’t agree are a problem. One of the most pernicious anti problems is mods breaking the rules of their own spaces (usually a “no kinkshaming” one) to cave to social pressure from the loudest, most assholish set of people in the server. They don’t know how many people quietly disapprove and quietly leave their fandoms because they only fear the loud harassers, not the silent toll of caving to them.

Honestly, the climate of fear is the big issue more than a bit of yelling: I routinely meet 20-somethings who live in fear of being canceled and shunned. You can help this by... not being like that with your friends. If they’re friends with a canceled person, don’t ask them to drop the canceled person or face the same fate. If you disagree about some fandom hot take, talk about it calmly and don’t act like the friendship will be over in 5 seconds and you’ll use all your knowledge of them against them in a public callout because they didn’t instantly agree.

Basically, have some self confidence and don’t be fucking terrified all the time... which can be a tall order and probably explains the age thing also.

#fandom meta #loganelfreeces

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zodiacrant · 3 years

Text

🍩My experiences with each Moon sign🍩

(Cause yall are messy)

I have done this a few times before but for Sun signs and did rank placements but never shared my thoughts and experiences with the Moon signs.

Now I know how this goes, so if you get mad or sad then go off I guess. Aint the first time I get cursed out or attacked in this bitch. Plus, I am a Cap moon so naturally I won’t do well with some Moons and I will be nitpicking everything about everyone.

🍩Aries Moon🍩

My dad’s moon. Yup, that tells you alot without me even starting. Having our Moons in Square shit was hard to say the least. It took a long time for us to be on middle grounds and because I don’t feel comfortable talking about my problems here I will continue on. The Aries Moon that I really like and can think of is Rihanna, so I would say it’s unfair to make a whole judgment but from what I saw and heard they’re not exactly the best to be around. So I give them a 3/10 for being bold and having nerve.

🍩Taurus Moon🍩

Now this Moon right here I know people from ( a close friend and my sister, plus some others) and I don’t have many strong opinions about it. As a Taurus Sun, it can be a challenge to work with a Taurus Moon. I am stubborn at my core and they’re stubborn with their heart, so everytime we disagree it’s like a rope pulling contest. Way too stagnant for me but I think that’s because of my other placements and they don’t take any advice or open up no matter what. On to the good, I never disliked someone with this placement. No matter how much of an asshole they can be, to me it is difficult to hate them or stay mad at them. They’re warm, kind, and sweet but a bit aloof and naive, also they don’t like to touch and hug as some people might think. I will give them a 8/10

🍩Gemini Moon🍩

(⚠️TW⚠️ mention of rape and erratic behavior)

I only had one best friend with this placement and I don’t I want to meet any more, and I am at peace with that if they resemble her in any way. She was a maniac. She loved to lie, create drama, blow shit up, act crazy and basically be shocking. I do find similarities with Gemini Sun where they do shit for reactions but with her, she will take it to the next level. Lie about being raped, act possessed, or pretend that she is being followed. It’s not fair to associate her with people who share the same Moon as her but that was y’all’s representation in my life. She was erratic so it’s difficult to see where her Moon was in effect and where she was just off. I’ll give them a 1/10, would not recommend until proven otherwise.

🍩Cancer Moon🍩

The first that comes to my mind is Taylor Swift and to me she is the ultimate Cancer Moon. It juat makes sense how fast she takes it to the next level with people. Whether getting serious quickly with someone or throwing down and feuding. She just always at a 100. Personally, I never got close with someone who has this placement, maybe it’s because I am a Capricorn Moon myself, but I would say the ones that I have met were nice. I’ll give them a 5/10

🍩Leo Moon🍩

I only had one best friend with this placement but the people I have met with this Moon I still remember. They all had one thing in common and that was being emotionally traumatized and have lost one parent. My best friend was super loyal, very confident in what they believed in and represented, were always there for me and had an amazing ability in motivating others. But they were also super prideful and there’s no coming back with them. Fight once and it’s over. (Yes I am looking at you Jonnie). One of the other people was with me in uni and always had the to urge won up me and my friend. He had scars all over and he doesn’t remember how he got them. But he was super proud of himself and his home country, which I respect and admire. I’ll give them a 6/10

🍩Virgo Moon🍩

I know two people with this placement, my mom and a professor at uni, and oh boy it makes sense that they’re a Virgo Moon. Me and my mom are too alike that we clash strongly at times. She thinks she can do it better and I think I can do it better and we just have like a competition on who done it better basically. From cooking, to how you light the stove, to how you put on clothes, to how you lay down on bed. Both my mom and my professor are super critical and precise, althogh my professor is a double Virgo (Sun and Moon) so she will go even further. They have to do everything as it arises and act like there’s no time and everything is about to go wrong. Like damn sis chill the fuck out for a sec and this is coming from a Cap moon so you know it’s bad. But I really like Virgo Moon, even though people might hate such a personality but I can relate to them in some ways. I’ll give them 7/10

🍩Libra Moon🍩

My only online friend that I talk to all the time got this Moon. Other than her I met only two people and they were something. Okay so for my friend, because I never actually have seen her physically with my own eyes I can’t say how she acts all the time, but she is one of the best listeners I had in my life. She likes to hear me ramble for an hour about a dumb encounter that lasted a second, talking about astrology and some nerdy things and then not so nerdy things. I believe that it’s a Libra Moon quality to be emotionally versatile and attentive. I think because she is a Leo dominant she acts much fiery and fiercely than a Libra would. As for the other people I just thought they were fake. One acted as a friend but then would just disappear so I was over it quickly and the other was super passive and pretentious that I think she shits out plastic. All in all I think it’s a great Moon. I’ll give them a 7/10

🍩Scorpio Moon🍩

One of the hardest Moons I ever delt with but I find that I love them too. My oldest sister had this Moon and she is such a mystery. Because I am a Taurus Sun, it is only natural for me to have a hard time with a Scorpio Moon. Even though she is an extrovert, she rarely talks about herself and her feelings, you will never catch her slipping or show vulnerability. I can see how difficult it may be for her being a Cancer with a Scorpio Moon and have Gemini dominance. But she’s a bitch at heart and I am cool with it. I’ll give them 5/10 cause I am not a big fan of paradoxical people

🍩Sagittarius Moon🍩

A moon that I always babysat. I had two best friends with this Moon and if I was born a second earlier, it would mine too. I don’t know if it’s because of my Gemini Venus or my 0 degree Capricorn Moon but I love Sagittarius Moons. I was fortunate to see some of their weaknesses and for them to trust me enough to be vulnerable. But boy do they get themselves into the dumbest situation because they wanted to see what would happen. I had to babysit them and help them do everything like shopping, cooking, cleaning, assembling furniture, be their body guard when buying weed. (Shhhh it’s a secret). They’re in many ways immature cause they run from things and everytime you try to be real with them, they say “stop being negative”. I’ll give them a 9/10

🍩Capricorn Moon🍩

The grande dame of the Moon signs, sitting at it’s opposite planet. I have met many Cap Moons and honestly we are bitches 😂. The energy of sitting next to a Capricorn Moon is too fucking much like I never knew it’s like that. I noticed the way they stare, talk, walk and sit can be so aggressive and intimidating. I see why people might label us as bullies, cause the energy is definitely there and I myself was such a cunt (still a little but I am more aware of myself now) that I get where both are coming from. Life as a Capricorn Moon is emotionally flat. If wasn’t for my other placements you will never see me even flinch. I think we just take everything and let it process in our head before we let it into our hearts. So to me, we’re not mean, we just don’t see how something might be hurtful. But also that tone and that blank face, goddam! That’s why I try to smile cause bitch no, I didn’t know I was walking with a death stare this whole time. Anyways, I will give us 10/10 cause I am self appreciative like that 😂✌️

🍩Aquarius Moon🍩

I have always tried to understand Aquarius Moon and it was only a month ago that I have realized they themselves are not sure of who they’re. I had one best friend with this placement and three cousins (all siblings). First, my cousins are super competitive with each other on who gets to do what and if it happens that they’re similar in something they will get pissed. The person that was my best friend was like that as well. Only he would drop a an entire hobby, interest, something close to his heart, shit even a personality trait. I find them to be constantly changing and trying, so they shift between one end of extreme to the other until they center themselves. I’ll give them a 4/10

🍩Pisces Moon🍩

Now let’s talk about a depressing placement, in my opinion of course 😅. I don’t know if it’s the influence of Neptune on the Moon or is it the just the demeanor of Pisces, but good god girl get a grip (they call this the five G’s). My youngest sister is a Pisces Moon, and as creative as she is, she is pessimistic and overly cynical. I mean I am all for being critical and real but looking at everything with jacked up black sprayed glasses is just too much for me. Other than my sister I don’t know any Pisces Moon very well but I had a few acquaintances. I noticed that they talked about a specific thing and that’s it. I have found them to be amazing at drawing, painting and have an incredible artistic sense. At times twisted and dark, but I love the art that comes with it. I’ll give them a 5/10

Here’s the tea. It’s Pisces season so remember I am sensitive right now, and also it’s my life and I wish I met someone as amazing as you might think you’re. (Maybe that was a little too aggressive)

Okay love you ❤️

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simsadventures · 3 years

Text

Gilded: Chapter 2: Our House (The Mess We’ve Made)

Mobster! Steve x Reader

Summary: Steve doesn’t like to be questioned, and you learn that the hard way. When he wants something, he gets it, and now he wants to have everything over with as quickly as possible. But there are a few bumps on the road.

Warnings: mafia au, swearing, violence, blood, threats, violence on women, slight mention of a rape, fluff, I mean, Steve is very demanding here, but it’s a theme so…

Word Count: 6087

A/N: I’m beyond excited that you guys liked the first chapter so much and are giddy for the next one. So, here we have it. More of our arranged couple and more mafia stuff. Let me know what you thought, and again, thank you for reading! xx

Series Masterlist __ Masterlist

< Previous Chapter

“You did what? Are you fucking kidding me right now? Y/N, I love you, but you must have hit your head real hard because this is not like you, at all,” Caroline reasoned, but you could see she was close to losing it completely.

They were both waiting for you to come home that night, and you first had to make sure neither of them would talk about anything you were about to reveal. You trusted both of them with your life, that wasn’t the issue, but you were afraid that if they talked outside of your apartment, Steve might know and the things he could do to them would be the core of your future nightmares, you were sure of it. When they finally agreed, you got to explaining. But you didn’t even get a full sentence out before they started jumping in it, asking questions and wildly swatting their hands, trying to make you see just how stupid of an idea it actually was.

“Do you think I don’t know it sounds insane? I do, but also like, it’s gonna take care of so many issues, and, I mean, all he needs from me, as far as I understood it, is to go to a few events with him, go to some vacations with him and that would be all. I mean, I can still have the job I actually enjoy and don’t have to slave in that fucking pub with all those weirdos, and I won’t have to worry about money,” you tried to sound reasonable and sensible, but from the looks on your best friends’ faces, you weren’t doing too good of a job.

“Right, right, cool. So, you wanna tell me that the most notorious fucking mobster in America will let you live here, with us, while he parades you around the city at night? Or that he doesn’t have enemies you should worry about? Or what about the fucking police, Y/N, huh? Have you thought of that? You will be affiliated with a known criminal, and they will start to notice you and your life won’t be as easy as you picture it,” Aidan sighed and massaged his temples, the stress of it all getting the best of him.

You sat down next to them and smiled at them fondly. It was sweet that they worried so much about you, and just the mere thought that there were people on this planet who gave a shit about you, even to the point of yelling at you at 11 PM on Wednesday night was heartwarming. You understood their reservations, you really did, but you also knew this all before you said yes to Steve. You knew it wouldn’t be as easy, and while you weren’t sure whether you would have to live with Steve in Manhattan or somewhere else, or if he let you just be on your own, you knew you could take it. The police didn’t scare you, you’ve had enough training in diverting the police from yourself, so the police was the last thing on your mind. Besides, you were signing petitions left and right to defund them, so… You were pretty sure they already knew your name from the demonstrations in front of their precincts.

Enemies were a bit more challenging to handle, but you were sure Steve wouldn’t want his new wife to die on his watch. How would that look for him? So really, all that was at stake was your sanity and your integrity, and thinking about it, Steve didn’t ask you to do something illegal. The only thing he wanted from you was to be a good girl, marry him and be by his side. And you could do that. And you were only human, Steve was a sight to behold, so you didn’t mind being connected to him, even though he specifically told you he wasn’t attracted to you.

That one still stung, but maybe it was for the better. You wouldn’t have to worry about doing something stupid when the other party was completely uninterested, and knowing it, you could just never let your body have even a minor crush on him, so the situation really resolved itself even before anything could have happened.

“I really think I can gain more than I can lose, you guys. I didn’t imagine my life being like this, far from it, and maybe Steve and his money can help me get where I want. And I won’t even have to sleep with him or anybody else. He even talked about putting a no-sex clause in our contract so that I would be safe even on paper. You always tell me that I’m not taking enough risks and that I stay rooted in my comfort zone. Well, this is quite the improvement, isn’t it?” You laughed, and they both just shook their heads but chuckled nevertheless.

“You are a psychopath, babe,” Aidan muttered but gave you a side hug, and Caroline soon joined.

“We love you and worry about you, that’s all. But if you feel good about this, then so do we. I just hope he’s ready for our wrath if anything even remotely bad happens to you,” Caroline said, and the three of you started to laugh. You would bet somebody like Steve would be scared shitless from two 20-something-year-olds who, one who was scared of wasps so much she almost fainted every time she saw one, and the other having a hard time peeling a grapefruit. Yup, they were the combat duo you would bet your money on in a fight, for sure.

Waking up, you had a good feeling about the decision, even more so than the night before. You had mulled it over and over in your head, seeing that this was the way out of everything and also your way to a lot of those things you wanted to have by now. You even thought of the saying, sometimes, the only way out is through, and this was your through. There was no foreseeable way of getting out of debt, of getting out of the depression caused by your hectic and unsatisfying life. Your way through it was accepting Steve’s money and his help for a year, freeing you from the shackles of your current life, in a sense.

That it would come with a different kind of shackled you were sure of, but everything was better than your life now because you really couldn’t even call it a life. You wanted so many things, see so many places, but the world wasn’t made for the people playing by the rules, slaving in their ordinary jobs. No, this capitalist world was made for sharks, and you had been disguised as a sheep for too long.

When you got to the gallery, you were welcomed by a sight that surprised you, and not in a good way. Where you were used to sitting every day for the past two years was another girl. She was pretty, and you bet she was wonderful, but at that very moment, all you saw was that somebody replaced you.

You swiftly unlocked the door and walked in, the girl standing up immediately to greet you with a shy smile and a wave. You couldn’t be a complete bitch to her, after all, this was way above her pay grade. So, you just nodded and strode towards the offices where the director sat.

“Good morning, Ms Y/L/N. I see you have met Laura, our new receptionist. And before you say anything, I just wanted to tell you that we appreciate everything you had done for this gallery for so long and that we thought it was time for you to learn some other skills, as you are more than capable of that,” he smiled warmly, and you weren’t sure if it was a nice way of saying you were let go of, or if you were promoted.

“What does that mean, Mr Jones?” You asked incredulously, not really in the mood to search in between the lines.

“You have become my personal secretary, Ms Y/L/N. Congratulations! I know you have the aspiration of becoming a curator, so, this way, you could get a little closer to art even though there is still some way to go, naturally,” he winked and chuckled, and you let yourself relax with the news.

Wow! Your life was already taking a turn for the better, and all you had to was to go with your gut and risk a little. You wanted to laugh out loud at the universe and its mysterious ways of working. But, thinking of mysterious, your mind suddenly pictured Steve and his devilish smirk, and your smile faltered.

“And may I ask, why now? Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful for the chance, and I will do my best to succeed in expectations. I just wonder what happened that the chance has come now?”

Mr Jones scratched the back of his neck, and you gritted your teeth. You already knew that it wasn’t the universe praising you for your bravery. No, this had nothing to do with the universe.

“More things have come together, to be quite honest, Ms Y/L/N. First, my long-time secretary left for her maternity leave a few weeks ago, as you might remember, and I have been looking for her replacement ever since. And I forgot what an amazing student we had here, who is already established with the clients and with our partners, and that this will be a win-win situation for everybody. And your fiancée was quite adamant that your resumé is remarkable and that I should give you a chance,” he smiled and piled gathered in your throat.

How Steve managed to persuade Jones to do this was beyond you when you left him only a few hours ago, most of which were during the night, so there wasn’t much room for negotiation between the parties. You just hoped people wouldn’t start treating you differently when they realised your affiliation. That was the only thing you obviously didn’t think through: the opinion of the society. And since the New York society had been one of the most judging and selective ones even back in the 19th and 20th century, you knew not that much has changed since. People were afraid of Steve, with a good reason too, and now they might become frightened of you too. Fucking awesome.

“I want to assure you that my fiancée won’t be present in my work life, however notorious he is,” you tried to sound as confident in what you were saying as you could, but you weren’t sure if you were doing a good job. But Mr Jones just smiled and sat down, signalling for you to sit down opposite of him, and he started talking about business and about what the job actually was. And while you tried to give him your full attention, there was this angry voice in your head, ready to bite Rogers’ head off. He would meet your famous wrath sooner than you thought, but it was all his fault anyway.

The job was, actually, quite impressive. As your boss told you, you got to meet several artists already, you could sit in the meeting where they decided what kind of art the gallery was interested in, and you soaked all that in like a sponge. You were radiating by the end of the day, and the wrath subsided a little, but only till the moment, you saw a black SUV parked in front of the gallery and one of the turtlenecks standing beside it.

You decided that if Steve could do what he wanted, so could you and so you walked in the opposite direction than was the car, leaving the turtleneck yelling your name and running after you. But you ignored him completely, even when he reached you and patted your shoulder, slightly bewildered that you recognised him and still decided not to do as he said. Oh, these obnoxious mobsters needed to learn that they couldn’t get everything they wanted.

“Miss Y/L/N, please, you need to come with me. Mr Rogers is waiting for you in the car,” he said, and you finally stopped and looked him deep in the eyes while you folded your arms across your chest. You hoped you looked intimidating, but since the guy was wearing a pair of sunglasses you couldn’t be entirely sure whether it worked. But you didn’t relent and just stared him down, and when he shifted uncomfortably, you knew you were winning this contest.

“Would you please come with me? Mr Rogers hates to wait,” he mumbled the last thing, and you would have snickered if you weren’t so determined to be the tough guy there. It was only when you heard other footsteps somewhere behind you, and the guy in front of you actually flinched that you realised the big boss himself was there to get you.

“No, Mr Rogers really doesn’t like to wait, Y/N. Is this the way to treat your fiancée?” Steve asked when he reached you, and you shuddered from the poisonous undertone in his voice. Safe to say, it might not have been the best strategy to try and walk away from him, but you had decided for it once, and now you were gonna stand by your decision.

“Oh, I don’t know, darling,” you hissed but continued before he could comment on your behaviour, “is intimidating my boss to give me a promotion a way to treat me? You really think you have control over everything and everyone, Steve, but let me tell you something. This is my fucking life, and you have no fucking right to march in and do as you please!”

He just raised a brow, and his nostrils flared before you felt his hand on your upper arm, squeezing it so tightly you were sure your arm wasn’t getting any blood. But you didn’t want him to win, which would definitely happen if you pleaded with him, so you just gritted your teeth and stared him down. Steve nodded at the guys around him to leave you two, and they took a few steps back, sure enough to protect their boss but to give him at least some privacy with you.

“Who the fuck do you think you are, talking to me in that tone, huh? I think you’ll understand soon enough that disobedience is punished greatly here, honey! So, stop acting like a brat who gets off from causing scenes in public and come with me. And, for your information, this is a fucking order, and I dare you to move from me again,” Steve spat in your ear, and you trained your eyes on the ground.

Well, not your best idea, you had to admit that, and you valued your own head enough to just shut up and follow him. And by following him, you meant walking beside him because Steve obviously didn’t trust you enough to let go of your arm, even if his grip loosened slightly.

He thrust you in the car with a force that could scare many, but it only just slightly surprised you. When he finally sat down next to you, he bid the driver to just go and stared out of the window, not addressing you in any shape or form, and you huffed in annoyance.

“Look, Steve, you brought me here for a reason, so what do you want? I thought we agreed to meet tomorrow and not today, in broad daylight in front of my job.”

“Show some respect!” He roared, and you saw the eyes of the bodyguards, or whatever they were, flick towards you in fear. It was funny how such huge men were clearly so afraid of one of them. You remained calm, however, and just remained looking at him. Then you realised something. He didn’t mind your mouth the night before that much when the two of you were alone, but he couldn’t stand it when people were around. He needed to be the man, his people needed to know that nobody treated him differently and that not even his future wife could disobey him, let alone publicly. You swallowed your pride and shifted your gaze elsewhere.

“I’m sorry, Steve, I’ve had a long day, and I’m taking it on you now. I just wished you spoke to me before you called my boss, but still, thank you for the opportunity,” you muttered meekly, and the triumphant look on Steve’s face spoke volumes. He just hummed and patted your shoulder, his own shoulders slacking and relaxing. These people were so easy to read, you were actually quite astounded that they weren’t played like violins by some secret agents or something like that. Well, you thought, at least you could play them, and it would make your life a little easier if you did it well enough.

“I came because we needed to discuss more things, honey. I had a pressing matter to attend to yesterday so I couldn’t stay longer, but I have the whole afternoon reserved just for you today, so we can go over all the parts of our agreement in great detail and that we can start planning our wedding,” he flashed you a smile, and it was your time to tense up because if you were to have a wedding soon, which was clearly something Steve wanted, you needed to get a move on and that stressed you out. The arrangement might have been just for a year, but you knew that Steve’s wedding was supposed to be magnificent, showing all that he obtained and all that the mere mortals couldn’t have. You included.

But then you realised something.

“Sure, but I need to take care of something first if you don’t mind,” you added quickly seeing the mobster next to you tensing up again. “As I no longer work at Joey’s pub, I need to get my things from there. My boss called me this morning telling me that I still had my work shoes and other stuff there and that I should pick it up or they’ll throw it away.”

“Just give the address to the driver, we’ll get it, and then we’ll go to my place- oh, excuse me- our place and discuss what we need,” he said simply, and you followed his orders.

The rest of the drive was silent, and you could unwind a little, reminisce about the 24 hours you have had. From taking the subway anywhere you needed to, to driving in an armoured SUV with the most prolific mafia boss of the USA, your life took quite the turn. You needed to set some boundaries with Steve, but you needed to do it tactfully and, most importantly, alone. You hadn’t known him at all, but you knew the type. There would be reasoning with him as long as he thought he had a free choice and knew that his position wasn’t neither threatened nor questioned.

This was a part of your agreement that you actually didn’t mind. Joey’s pub was not the fanciest of places in New York and while some of the customers were lovely and tipped well, the weekend sort was made of sleazy assholes who would touch you without your permission and not having to be around them would definitely be something you could get used to.

The boss who’s name wasn’t Joey, surprise, surprise, but Thomas, nodded your way when you came in. The pub was only half full, but the odour of mixed sweat, beer and vomit was ever the same. Gosh, how you couldn’t wait to be out of there.

Taking the places of the little box by the box with beer cans, you scanned the supply closet one last time and nodded as a goodbye. However, when you turned around, you bumped into somebody, and it sent you flying back a bit as you didn’t expect anybody to be there with you. You looked up to see Thomas standing there, looking pissed.

“Funny! I never knew you were on the market, pussycat. And now I find out you are newly engaged and to Mr Rogers no less? I thought you said you didn’t want a relationship,” he sneered as he neared you and you instinctively took a step back. That he had a crush on you, you knew, and you told him multiple times that you weren’t interested, that you weren’t looking for a boyfriend and that you just wanted to be left alone. You scoffed at his immature behaviour now and tried to push around him without saying a word because you knew there was no talking to people like him. But he wouldn’t let you go, of course.

“Maybe if I fucked you, you would see that I deserve you just as much, huh?” He hissed and took your already sore arm, yanking you towards him till you were pressed tight against his chance. You still remained calm, knowing that trashing and screaming would get you nowhere.

“Let me go, Thomas. Steve is outside, and he is waiting for me, so I suggest you take your disgusting hands off of me and just let me go,” you tried to reason, but, again, there was no such thing with dumbasses like him. What was more, he probably didn’t like your remark about his disgusting hands, and so, without warning, he slapped you right across your left cheek.

That made you gasp for the first time because till then, you really thought he was just playing and that he would let you go, but now seeing the bewildered look on his face, you suddenly realised that maybe you didn’t have the upper hand in the argument.

“Like fuck he is, what would Rogers do in these parts, huh? I bet it wasn’t even him who called me last night and that you were just trying to get the upper hand. But guess what, you fucking whore, you are not getting out of here until I fuck you unconscious,” he roared and you gulped, trying to think of possible escape routes. But you were in a fucking supply closet, so there was literally just the one door, and Thomas was occupying the whole space in front of it. So, you’d just have to fight your way through. You were a little rusty, but this big-bellied idiot would stand no chance.

But before you had the opportunity to execute your plan, the door behind him flew open and revealed one fo the turtlenecks (you made a mental note to actually learn their names because this was just awkward) and a very angry-looking Steve.

Thomas faltered in his movement towards you and checked who had the audacity to interrupt him. The shock and fear on his face were priceless.

Steve didn’t waste any more time as he lunged himself at the man and punched him straight in the nose, and the sickening crack you heard must have meant Steve broke it. But you couldn’t bring yourself to care enough to pity Thomas. You warned him, even though you didn’t expect Steve actually coming to your rescue. There were some advantages to being tied to him, it seemed.

The turtleneck then took Steve’s place by Thomas, probably so that he wouldn’t escape and Steve marched towards you, still looking too pissed for you to stand calmly under his searching gaze.

“Did he hurt you?” He sneered but didn’t wait for your reply as he checked your face, seeing your puffed left cheek which told him all he needed to know. The bruise already forming on your arm was both from him and from Thomas, so he didn’t comment on that, but Steve wiped the trickle of blood in the corner of your mouth before he turned around and now calmly walked towards Thomas.

“Next time that degenerated brain of yours even thinks of her, I will come and slice your throat. Am I clear?” Steve spat into Thomas’s face who just nodded, probably glad that he got out of it so easily. What he didn’t see coming (and to be honest, neither did you) was the turtleneck suddenly pulled out a big-ass knife out of somewhere and the air filled with the bone-chilling cries as he cut Thomas’ finger off as if it was the most normal thing to do before he wiped the knife on Thomas’s shirt and tucked it back in his pocket. The blood flowing from the wound was thick and almost purple, and you had to shut your eyes at the scene. But the image was already seared into your brain forever.

“Fucking rapist,” Steve said and kicked the already laying man, motioning to the turtleneck and you that you were to follow him. But your legs weren’t listening to your brain, as you were just watching Thomas writhing in pain, wailing and sobbing, and all that because he dared to touch you. An involuntary shudder shook your body, and it as only when you felt an arm around your torso, pulling you to the person’s side that you woke up. Steve didn’t say anything as he came back and wrapped his arm around you, walking you out of there, probably used to that people were dazed when they saw that much blood. And that was just a cut-off finger, how would it look if a person actually bled out there?

“Here, have a piece of chocolate, it should help you,” Steve whispered into your ear as he handed you a little piece when you finally made it to his car, and you took it without question, savouring the sweet taste on your tongue as it streamed into your system like the most delicious medicine. You took a deep breath, your brain recognising that it was a different environment and that the stench of the pub was long gone as was the blood.

“You didn’t have to do that,” you heard yourself saying meekly, but there was no reprimanding him, there was no anger in your voice and Steve heard that. He knew it was the shock of the scene talking because you weren’t one of them. You didn’t see blood on an almost daily basis as he did and you had the right to be surprised.

“I actually had to, Y/N. He touched you, he hurt you and nobody hurts what’s mine. And you are mine now or will be very soon, and I can’t have dickheads like him running around the city thinking they are invincible. You are under my protection, and the whole world has to realise that,” he tried to make you see his point, and when you nodded solemnly, he saw you understood it. You might not have been ok with it, but that was another thing, and that would take time. Steve hoped people wouldn’t be so dumb and try anything on you, but, the truth be told, inwardly he knew he would have to protect you more often than not because some people had a death wish.

“Are you up to discussing our marriage, or do you want me to drive you home?” He asked, and you looked at him for the first time since the pub scene. You shook your head and chuckled a little, not understanding where was this coming from. It was apparent that there were many layers to Steve Rogers, but his mood swings were giving you a headache already. One second he was the infamous mobster and the other he impersonated a caring boyfriend?

“I’m fine, Steve, thank you. I was just taken by surprise because I thought I would have to take him down myself, and I probably wouldn’t cut off his finger in the process, but we all do our things. I’m good for a discussion, if you are,” you gave him your best encouraging smile and Steve stared at you in disbelief for a moment before he averted his eyes towards the driver and gave him a signal that he was to take you two to Steve’s mansion.

Three hours later, you regretted your decision greatly. Steve and you had been talking the whole time, trying to reach a compromise that would be suitable for both of you considering your marriage and your wedding. You were quite surprised when Steve came up with things that were up for discussion because you really thought he would just come with a set of rules for you to follow, and that would be it. Well, the set of rules was there, but so were other things, like where you’d like to live (it was either the New York mansion which he called the apartment or some villa he had in Hamptons, apparently), what were the countries he could take you (which was actually a nice touch) and others. You didn’t give a damn about a lot of the stuff, but the countries were something that caught your attention.

“I would love to visit different places, that’s beyond doubt, but I do not wish to be taken to California, ever,” you insisted, and while Steve tried to inquire why it was that California was on your hard-no list, you wouldn’t budge. You just told him that you weren’t a fan of the hot weather and the swarm of people you heard was in LA and that it was the only place where you wouldn’t go with him, under no circumstances. After a while, he gave up and just jotted it down with a nod.

“Now, to the sex thing, do you want it on paper that I don’t want you in this way or are you good with my word?”

You felt your cheeks heating up, but you tossed your pride away again. This was a business meeting, and Steve was actually extremely honest with you, so the best you could do was to be frank with him as well.

“I’m good with your word, thank you for asking. What I’d like on paper is that you won’t trade me with information. I don’t wanna wake up one morning to be chained by some of your pistol-buddies who wanted to fuck Steve’s wife,” you raised a brow, and Steve chuckled and licked his lips, which was something that got your attention. You snapped at your brain to stop the thought flooding your brain, and a part of you considered putting licking his own lips around you on the hard-no’s list for a second.

“Alright, I will never do that, and I will put that in our contract. Now, have you decided where you want to live? And no, your own apartment isn’t an answer. I’m willing to pay the expenses so that your friends can stay there, but you are coming to live with me, either here or in Hamptons. So, which one is it?”

“Here,” you answered after a while, “I have my job here so I can’t be going back forth to Hamptons every day. Speaking of my job, will you require my presence at every meeting? I’m just asking if I even have a chance attaining my job as is, or if I should quit now because you will never let me go there again.”

“I would have let them fire you if I thought about not letting you work there anymore, now, wouldn’t I? Most of the meetings that I will need you are at night, so your work is fine. I hope your boss will give you enough vacation days because we will need those, but other than that, I think you will be fine at the gallery. Besides, I’ve assigned a personal bodyguard for you who will go everywhere with you, so you won’t have to worry about anybody attacking you,” he concluded, looking proud of himself. You, on the other hand, were bewildered.

“A personal what now? Steve, I can’t just show up at work with some huge guy in all black following me everywhere I move. I saw the looks from some of my coworkers, and they would never accept me if I had a bodyguard, c’mon,” you were desperate now because just the thought made you shudder.

“This is not negotiable, so just learn to live with it. Alright, I think that’s all from that, and we will both sign it before the wedding. Now, the wedding will be next week. I already hired planners, so that the only thing you need to care about is the wedding dress. It’s just for a show, and if it were up to me, we would just go to the city hall, but the world needs to see this wedding, so we’re doing it in the Weylin. Write down your favourite colours and flowers, the cake will be red velvet, and that’s not negotiable, but everything else you want, you write down, and the planners will do it. Also, write down all the guests you’d like to invite, family and all that, so we know how many guests we’re having,” Steve rambled on, but your mind wandered towards your family.

None of them would be attending the wedding, and your heart gave a painful tug at the thought. You had always wanted your dad to walk you down the aisle, and he was so excited to do so, but now that wasn’t possible. And your beautiful mother… The memories made your eyes water, but you blinked the tears away quickly enough so that Steve wouldn’t see them. But he was used to reading people, so he saw your reaction to him mentioning a family very clearly, he just decided against commenting on it. Yet.

“Alright, I’ll send you all the lists by Saturday, if that’s good enough, and I’m actually good with red velvet. It would be a problem if you said some cakes with loads of nuts because I’m extremely allergic to a majority of those, you should know about that, but red velvet is fine enough,” you nodded, and Steve did as well, glad he didn’t have to fight you on that one. Not that it would be a fruitful fight since the red velvet was his favourite type of cake on Earth.

“I want you to move in before the wedding, I’ll have a room set up for you tomorrow, and you can bring whatever you want from your home. You will have access to my credit card, but I’m warning you, excessive spending will not be tolerated, alright?”

You scoffed and rolled your eyes but bowed your head in mocked understanding. Steve had obviously spent his life with women only caring about the sum on his credit card, while you couldn’t care less. The card would be good for the wedding dress, but that was about it. You realised a long time ago that the fashion industry was one of the most dangerous ones for the environment, and while you still shopped from time to time, you tried to reduce it to a minimum. And if you did shop, you loved local stores and fair-trade manufacturers, who vowed to keep the well-being of the planet their number one priority.

“I’ll take it that you understood it. Fine, so, you’ll move in tomorrow, I think my people can manage it till that. So, they’ll pick you up, let’s say, around 8 PM? That enough time?”

You blinked and took the information in. He wanted you to move in tomorrow. Not in a week so you’d have time to actually pack and say goodbye to your friends, even if you still planned on meeting them every other day or so. You wanted a goodbye sleepover where you’d just laugh and drink and hope that the year would be a good one. Or, at least, not a disastrous one.

“That’s definitely not enough time, Steve. Can’t it wait till next week? I need to say goodbye to my friends, and it’s already late, so we can’t do it tonight and just… Give me at least till Saturday evening, Steve, please,” you tried to bargain, and while you saw he wasn’t the greatest of fans, he agreed eventually. That ended your discussion, and you were soon driven away from the house you would soon call yours.

/ Next Chapter >

Taglists in reblogs :) xx

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imagine-loki · 3 years

Text

Tear You To Pieces, Chapter 6

TITLE: Tear You To Pieces CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 6 AUTHOR: fanficshiddles ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki was sent to make up for his deeds by helping out The Avengers at the tower. Everyone thinks he’s changed, but he is just biding his time. He manipulates and uses someone who works there, who has a crush on him, to get exactly what he wants. RATING: M

WARNINGS FOR THIS FIC: DARK LOKI, RAPE/NON-CON, MANIPULATION, MURDER, VIOLENCE, EMOTIONAL ABUSE, KIDNAPPING

One evening Loki and Cleo were out on a dinner date again. Cleo was completely head over heels for Loki, he was treating her like a Princess, something she had never experienced before.

He’d gotten her a lot of gifts over the last few months, beautiful jewellery, flowers and chocolates. She was giddy each and every time.

Loki slid a small box across the table towards her, making her heart flutter that he was giving her yet another gift.

‘Loki, you shouldn’t have got me another present.’ She blushed as she took the box and opened it to reveal a beautiful pair of emerald earrings.

‘Of course I should, darling. You’re my girl and I want to spoil you.’ He grinned across the table at her, making her smile.

‘Thank you, these are so beautiful.’ She took out the ones she was wearing and put in her new ones, Loki beamed happily.

‘Simply stunning.’ He purred at her.

She had quickly learned that Loki seemed to enjoy it when she wore his colours. So of course, she went out of her way to always try and wear green of some sort as much as possible. More so on dates, so the team wouldn’t get suspicious.

Loki reached over the table and gently placed his hand on top of hers and he stroked the back of her hand softly. ‘You know you mean a lot to me, pet.’

Kelly went a bit giddy and she couldn’t stop the big smile that spread across her face. ‘You mean a lot to me, too.’ She said shyly. She was still so shy and easily flustered around him.

‘But I uh… I feel I need to be honest with you.’ Loki said with a gentle sigh, still stroking the back of her hand.

Kelly felt her stomach drop, wondering what was wrong. What he was going to say. Did she do something wrong? Did she anger or disappoint him?

‘This upcoming mission on Tuesday… I’m really quite worried, nervous, about it.’ Loki said openly, making Kelly’s eyes widen. ‘It’s a big one, really big. Which is why we haven’t been allowed to tell anyone. Very high risk, even the others are pretty worried too.’

She felt her stomach sink. What if he got hurt? She couldn’t bear to think about it.

‘Do you have to go?’ She asked.

Loki nodded. ‘Unfortunately, yes. We all do.’ He sounded really worried, Kelly felt bad for him. Her heart was hurting.

‘I wish there was something I could do to help you.’ She said sadly.

Loki nodded and gave her a small smile. ‘I know you do, pet. That’s what’s so wonderful about you.’

She smiled back at him. Then a look of realisation crossed Loki’s face.

‘Actually… There might be something… No, no. I couldn’t ask such a thing of you.’ He dismissed swiftly.

‘What is it? You know I’ll do anything I can for you, Loki.’ Kelly said urgently.

‘No, darling. Never mind, it’s ok.’ Loki said softly and brought her hand up so he could kiss the back of it, making her skin tingle even more.

‘At least let me hear your suggestion.’ She pleaded him.

Loki looked reluctant, but she gave him her best puppy dog pleading eyes. With a sigh, he leaned forward more and spoke quietly. ‘There is one way I could guarantee my safety and the others, too. If I had all my powers, it would make the mission extremely easy. But they are locked away in Starks private vault, in a box. They were pulled from me by Odin before I came down here. I know you are very skilled and magnificent with your security tech work, I did think perhaps you could help me to get it back… But I could never ask you to do such a thing.’

He could see Kelly’s mind racing for a moment as she took in what he said.

‘I… I could try. I mean, it’s not like you’re going to do anything bad. I trust you, the others must to an extent too. Since you’re going on a big mission with them, and you’ve been living with us all for a long time now. I don’t really get why they won’t give them back to you anyway.’ Kelly blurted out.

Loki’s eyebrows raised up.

‘Really? You would do such a thing, for me?’ He asked, sounding surprised.

‘Of course I would. I know you’d do the same for me. And I don’t want you to get hurt.’

Loki smiled widely. ‘Thank you, pet. It means a lot, it really does. But I don’t want you getting into trouble.’ He said, concerned.

‘They’ll never know.’ She shrugged. ‘I can get in and out without them even realising, since I helped to build the security system. You don’t need to tell them that you’ve got it all back, do you?’

‘No, I don’t. They would never need to know.’ Loki agreed.

Kelly was a little nervous, but the thought of helping Loki out big time was too much to turn down. It wasn’t like he was pressuring her into it, anyway. She was going to help him, willingly.

‘I’ll do it. When do you need it? How do I get it to you, is the box safe for me to touch?’ She asked eagerly.

‘We can work out the details later, let’s just enjoy our date. I can’t thank you enough for wanting to do this for me. Truly, you are incredible and I don’t know how I got so lucky with you.’ He smiled at her fondly, making her heart melt.

That was far too easy. Loki thought wickedly, supressing a grin.

That night, after discussing some details for the plan, Loki gave Kelly an innocent kiss on the lips. He had hoped it would finally be the night he got to take her, but no. She just said goodnight to him and left to go to her own room.

So he decided to pay her another visit. Like he had been doing every now and then, pleasuring her in her dreams.

He had managed to work on his power and get it to be more stable while he tried fingering her again. She was still uncertain with it, even in her sleep. Always became squirmier when he did insert a long finger into her warmth.

But tonight, with his thumb working overtime on her clit, he finally managed to get her to cum all over his finger. She felt exquisite clenching around him. Her cries of pleasure made him rock hard, he wanted nothing more than to sink his cock into her, fuck her hard and deep. To rip her innocence from her, something she could never get back. Something that would always be his.

But he knew it wasn’t going to happen soon with her willingly.

So he not only had a planet to claim once he got his power back, but he had a mortal to claim too.

#Loki #God of Mischief #Submitted fic #submission #tear you to pieces #chapter 6 #fanficshiddles

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salty-ironstrange-shipper · 3 years

Note

Could you maybe post a long-ass list of good ironstrange fics because at this point, there's nothing else to do and you seem like you have great taste

puppets on a string

Summary: Stephen Strange is a villain. But a hot one.

Words: 103,206 (incomplete)

This fic is courtesy of our very own @funkylittlebidiot, so definitely give it a read!

Find a Way (to break the fall)

Summary: Stephen didn't think about it anymore. It had been buried deep beneath all the other shit he'd had to live through in the last couple of years and it didn't impact his day to day life in any way whatsoever. Until the day it does.

Words: 2,170

This one is short, but emotional and impactful. Warning for discussions of past rape/non-con.

The Brands We Carry

Summary: Tony Stark is almost thirteen years old when he gets ready to settle down to bed one early-early-morning and happens to look in the mirror on his childhood wall and catches sight of a circular brand on the skin above his heart.

“About fucking time,” Tony mutters, and goes to sleep without bothering to tell anybody he just cussed out a baby that’s only just crying its way into its new life somewhere on the planet.

The date is February 17, 1983. Happy birthday, whoever you are. Took you long enough.

Or: Tony Stark and Stephen Strange are soulmates. You'd think that would mean they would be perfect for each other right from the start, but it turns out that their soulbond is a long path of mutual distrust, dislike, and miscommunication. Just their luck.

Words: 10,497

I love a good soulmate au, and this is a good soulmate au. Very interesting look at both characters and also what happens if someone’s soulmate has a not insignificant age gap (though they only meet in person for the first time as adults)

A Crown of Thorn and Shadows

Summary: Anthony Stark, King of Blood and Darkness, ruler of the Unseelie court, did not expect to find Prince Stephen Strange of the Seelie chained up in his torture chamber, cold iron being driven into his hands. Stephen Strange, a Seelie healer, never dreamed of finding himself in the court of nightmares, being cared for by the king that the Seelie called a monster. They must work together to find the traitors in two Faerie courts that have not spoken in over six hundred years and reclaim Stephen's memories before the courts descend into war once more.

Words: 58,465

Wonderful fantasy au, great worldbuilding and relationship buildup. Lots of fun.

Villain Stephen Strange and His Obsession with Tony Stark

Summary: Just a bunch of prompty oneshots that are partially based but 100% inspired by Tumblr IronStrange Posts. Rated T-M

Words: 1,029

Do I even have to explain it? This is just fun.

Ten times outta nine, I’m a hand grenade

Summary: Though neither remembered that night, it turns out that Tony Stark and Stephen Strange had first encountered each other years earlier. Unfortunately, that might end up destroying the universe.

Words: 419,141

This is a loooooooooong boi. But oh, it’s a good one. Stephen and Tony basically go back in time, change the universe, and fall in love. It’s everything you could want from them. Complete with romance, angst, drama, and humor.

Where Severus Snape is hot, not a stalker, and somehow gets the girl

Summary: And then, as if he wasn’t already the most embarrassing estranged biological dad ever, Tony stopped in his tracks, raised his sunglasses (because of course he would wear sunglasses inside a lecture hall in April), and gave Professor Strange the most blatant, sustained once-over in the history of fuckboyness.

Then he put down his glasses, shot a winning smile at the teacher, and said, “Well, I’m Tony Stark, of course.”Or: Peter Parker is sick and wants to cut his Neuroscience class. Tony just wants to help (and maybe date his son's hot teacher). Stephen Strange just wants to give his lecture in peace.

Words: 2,387

Stephen is a college professor. Peter is his student. Tony is having too much fun with this.

You Remind Me of a Man

Summary: Tony Stark cannot stand the overly opinionated and egotistical Dr. Strange and the feeling is extremely mutual.

Words: 44,788

Perfect no-powers au for them. They’re assholes who fall in love and see another side to each other. It’s amazing, 10/10 would recommend.

I am here

Summary: There’s a technical reason Stephen must surrender the Time Stone to save Tony’s life. It has to be done, and that’s enough for him to do it. But just in case, the universe decides to give him a personal reason as well.

Words: 11,708

This one is so soft. Basically, while looking through time, Stephen keeps showing up in the past at various points throughout Tony’s life. And then they fall in love! Good for them.

T For Tony

Summary: Your soul mark is the first letter of your soulmate's name. Stephen has an 'A'. But he's in love with Tony. Cue anxiety, jealousy, angst.

Words: 2,794

They’re so stupid in this fic. It’s great. It took them so much effort to remember Anthony starts with an A. (I still think this fic should’ve been titled A For Tony, but I didn’t write it, so)

something taken, something new

Summary: The ChronicConnection implement and app allows a person that lives with chronic or illness-induced pain to transfer their burden temporarily to a willing loved one. Tony and Stephen sign up as beta testers.

Words: 14,541.

I must’ve recced this a thousand times ..... AND I’LL DO IT AGAIN. THIS FIC IS THE PERFECT MIXTURE OF SOFT AND ANGST AND IF YOU DON’T READ IT, YOU’RE WRONG.

15 Million

Summary: For every alternate reality there were ten thousand alternate realities from that. And from those ten thousand more. And then ten thousand more off each of those. And so it goes.

The Avengers win once. There’s ten thousand versions of it.

Stephen Strange doesn’t know what to make of the fact that Tony Stark seems to be *his* victory.

Words: 2,755

Obligatory “Stephen looks through 15 million possible futures and falls in love with Tony in the process fic”. Can’t have a fic rec list without it.

Hero Swap AU

Summary: It's a boring day for the Avengers until Tony Stark attacks.

Words: 17,391.

Just pure, fun crack.

Only a Matter of Time

Summary: Captured by aliens, mistaken for a mating pair, Tony and Stephen find themselves having the universe’s most awkward honeymoon.

Words: 6,056.

Smut. Good smut, though.

Sunrise in Exile

Summary: Tony does the math and realizes their best chance to save the universe is by... not confronting Thanos on his own turf.

So he steals a wizard and a spider and a space ship. And he runs.

(Three humans and an A.I in space, the alien friendships they make along the way, and discovering how science and magic might coexist in a universe where they can be one and the same.)

Words: 352,079 (incomplete, has not been updated in a while)

A long fic set during Infinity War where they just ... run away to space. And it’s great.

Rewriting Icarus

Summary: Stephen and Tony, from the beginning to the end and beyond.

Words: 23,504

Pre-powers AU, except they fall in love then get powers. Sad, angsty, beautiful.

variations on a theme

Summary: Stephen sees into millions of possibilities and finds only one where they win, but he never expected to end up falling in love with Tony Stark in almost every single one of them.

Words: 5,134

Another Stephen looks through the possible futures and falls in love with Tony? ... Guess you can’t have just one.

Five’s A Party

Summary: It's an orgy fic, I'm not sure what else to say

Words: 2,639

... Not much I can add to that. Magic smut.

A Lapse in Judgement

Summary: Stephen, the newly minted Sorcerer Supreme, is strong, powerful, and in control of his life in every micromanaged detail, because failure to do so could result in (another) cataclysmic event within the universe. He is. But then Stephen accepts an off-handed offer to spar from Tony Stark – a man who is Stephen’s non-magical equal, a man who Stephen barely sees outside of bi-weekly meetings and the few and far between fight against a villain – and Stark discovers Stephen’s biggest weakness, his most hateful secret that is a deeply fundamental part of Stephen’s psyche.

Except instead of judgement, and horror, and disgust, Stark meets him halfway, and a lapse in judgement turns into a possibility that could change their lives forever.

Words: 22,694

This is the first of a series which was just updated (haven’t finished reading the new part yet, looking forward to it) and is just a really good, surprisingly soft and emotional BDSM series/fic.

Ironstrange Fics and Ironstrange Cinematic Universe

Oh, how did these get here?

Yes, I’m reccing my own work. I’ve written 29 fics and 377,132 words for this ship, I think I’m entitled.

Ironstrange Fics is a collection of every ironstrange fic I’ve written, short, long, sweet, angst, and everything in between. Ironstrange Cinematic Universe (itself responsible for 49% of those 377k words) is my ironstrange rewrite of the MCU specifically. Please read, enjoy, and leave comments, I’m not updating any fics for a couple of weeks and I need the validation.

#long post #very long post #asks #incorrect-ironstrange #ironstrange #fic recs #fanfiction #ironstrange fanfiction #my fanfiction #Anonymous

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