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taming-bats · 5 months

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Batfam Crime Family Breakdown

I made a Crime Family au for a OC fic I'm writing, but the dynamics were too interesting to pass up diving into.

So, I present to you the Mask Family! #1 Crime monopoly in Gotham. Descriptions for Alfred, Dick, Jason, Tim and Damian are under the cut!

Bruce - AKA Black Mask. Head of the Crime family, and basically king of Gotham. After his parents were killed when he was a young boy and was handed a multi-million dollar company at the age of 9, he had focused on a sense of control. He sees Gotham/Gothamites like they can’t help it, and simply don’t know any better. He will know better for them. Other people might have similar backgrounds or share his feelings on the idea of protecting the city from itself, bu no one has the resources he does, nor the determination to do something.

He created the alias of the Black Mask and infiltrated every underground and back alley system until he runs them all. Bruce Wayne and Black Mask basically are the monopoly of night and day in Gotham. You can’t go anywhere without seeing their influence. He’s brutal when it comes to insubordination or even the hint of mutiny. Truly thinks he’s doing the right thing to keep crime as low as possible. Think’s he is doing what he can to protect his family and his city. He’s softened over the years due to his family, and because he’s grown his network where he never has to get his hands dirty unless he wants to. Loves his kids dearly though is tough on them when it comes to the family business.

“Mr. Wayne! Could you give us a comment on the recent movements of the Black Mask? Does it pain you to share your city with such a ruthless man?”

Bruce Wayne gives a smile, that tight, pained one he gives whenever reports ask about the Crime Lord. The media eats it up. No matter what he says, they read into his expression and think it must be heartbreaking for him to know not even he could touch the King of Gotham.

Alfred - AKA Agent Alpha. Like canon, he follows Bruce down the path he takes. In the first couple years of Bruce’s building of the Mask, he voiced his concerns about Bruce’s methods. However, having been trained in special ops himself, he understood that while some situations required a skilled hand, others required a boot to the neck. He adapted and became the guiding hand Bruce needed, and is still Bruce’s number one confidant and ally.

“Black Mask? Black Mask!” the comm had crackled dead in Alfred ear. He huffs and pushes himself up out of the chair. That boy was going to get himself killed in this mission of his. Drug dealers and gang members- What would Martha and Thomas think if they could see the two of them now?

Alfred does not let himself linger long on the thought as he grabs the keys and his own version of the Mask. No matter his hesitance at the start, he knew that there was no stopping Bruce now that he has his mind to it. He would save this city or die trying. He grabs his shotgun off the wall.

Dick - (24) AKA Blue Mask. First to come into the Mask family. His story here is the same for the most part. Some mob tried to take control of the circus- since it's traveling it's not technically in Black Mask’s territory. They are wrong <3. Feeling responsible for not having enough control to prevent the Grayson murders, Bruce Wayne fosters and adopts Dick Grasyon. However, Bruce in this iteration is more open with sharing his secret with Dick as he sees himself in the young boy. He invites Dick to join his crusade to help the city, and let’s Dick be the one to pull the trigger against the men who killed his family. It’s cathartic for the both of them, and a very cementing bonding experience. Dick is Bruce’s shadow for most of his young life, seeing Bruce in his most brutal/hands on years. At some point, Dick “graduates” to having a Mask of his own, and is now Blue Mask.

Dick stays in Gotham in this au. Dick is the eldest of the Mask family and loves his growing family dearly. He learned quickly about the lengths one should go to to protect the ones they love. To him, all of his siblings are the same age as when they entered the house. They are his babies and he will murder for them. He is Bruce’s number one informant.

“There you go, little wing! Hold it just like that and keep your shoulders back. When you feel ready, pull the trigger.” His hands give an encouraging squeeze to his brother's shoulders before taking a step back. He watches as Jason takes a breath and pulls the trigger. He catches him with a laugh when the kickback jolts his small frame. “Good job! That looked like a headshot to me, you're a natural!” Jason looked up at him with shining eyes, and Dick looked back with all the pride in the world. “Let’s show Bruce.”

Jason - (19) AKA Red Mask. Bruce found him on the streets when he was young- Yes, he was stealing from THE Black Mask and yes, Jason fought with a tire iron and claws to get away from him at the start. Jason thought Black Mask would make an example out of him, show that even kids weren’t an exception in Gotham. But Bruce took one look at the small, malnourished but resilient boy and fell in love with him. Jason, to Bruce, represents all the kids that he was too late to save. But he could save Jason. Bruce brought him home and exposed his secret immediately, as if Jason was already his son. The reasons Jason stayed were years behind them now, and he’s proven himself time and time again to be Bruce’s perfect foot soldier. He trained under Dick and Bruce and was rewarded with the title and role of a Mask much younger than Dick.

Jason and Bruce had a big fight when he was 16 (probably having to do with who would be inheriting the Black Mask role in the future) in which Jason ran away. Knowing all of Black Masks tricks, he’s able to stay under the radar for a little bit less than a year. It breaks Bruce’s heart and infuriates him. He misses his son and is spiraling at the lack of control and is forced to conclude that he’s going to have to punish Jason if/when he finds him. Which he does, but more on that later. At the present day, Bruce and Jason still butt heads in Jason’s attempt to prove that he can be a leader if Bruce just lets him. Bruce is content in keeping the boys in the roles they have for as long as he can. There are many debates on which Mask was the most intimidating, but everyone can agree that you never want Red Mask to be sent after you.

“I’ll take the lower Eastside-”

“Good idea.” Black Mask cuts him off, “Blue, you’re with Red tonight.”

“What?” Jason snaps, “No way, I can do it by myself.” Black Mask gives him a look that Jason can decipher even through the unchanging skull mask. This wasn’t the night to start a debate. Jason clicks his teeth, “Fine.” Black Mask gives him a pat on the head as he passes and a burning of embarrassment and fulfillment comes from the approval. He slaps away Blue’s hand when he tries to copy the movement, to which Dick whines with disappointment.

Tim - (17) AKA Yellow Mask. When Gotham sees a heavy crack down for a few months, it’s a near complete cut off from the rest of the world. It shows what Black Mask could do, which scares a lot of people. But not Tim Drake. Tim Drake sees the opportunity for what it is. Unlike the rest of the world, who haven't a clue about the why, 10 year old Tim Drake marches up to Wayne Manor and asks to speak to Black Mask himself. Tim, the child, had known about the Mask family identity for a full year. And now Tim, the child, was offering to help Black Mask, the Crime Lord. Because Tim Drake knew where Jason was. Tim had known the entire time (a fact that Tim does not share.)

(He also doesn’t share the photos. The maps. The red string. He takes his time and eases the family into his presence, and then, into his hobbies.) Tim inserts himself into the Mask Family, brings Jason back, and simply stays. Jason and he have some tension because of this. Tim is happy staying in the shadows of the operation because it gives him a purpose behind all his odd interests and gives him challenges to grow from. He kinda gets the Mask title against his will but secretly is over the moon about it. He wants to be useful. He becomes Wayne Enterprises Co-CEO, and is Bruce’s eyes and ears.

“That's Debbie. She’s the head accountant on the Relay case, 5th floor.” Bruce nods to Tim’s words and Tim pretends not to preen at the knowledge that someone was listening to him. Bruce gives a hum and an ever-so-slight gesture to a man across the room with his glass of scotch. “Oh, Walter. He’s been skimming funds off his department budget for 5 months now. 14th floor.” Bruce raises an eyebrow and looks at him. “He’ll get cocky soon. See the watch? He bought it this week. That's nothing compared to what his internet history suggests.”

Damian - (12) AKA Green Mask. There’s not much to change here. Damian came into Bruce’s life at 8, already trained to kill. Something of a gift from the al Gul’s. Damian is just as brutal as Bruce was in his early years, but Bruce focuses on helping Damian be a child again. All Bruce wants is to be close with his son, much to Damian’s early protests. Bruce is terrible about spoiling Damian and letting him get away with things because Damian is the baby of the family. Because of this, Damian is Bruce’s trigger. Especially for the jobs that have to be done swiftly and quietly.

Damian realizes that there is more to learn then ways to kill, and learns from Dick about the ways of manipulation, how to present oneself to get what you want. With this, Damian often acts younger than he is to appear innocent and lovable. He tried to kill each one of Bruce’s kids at least once when he first came into the house, but after several impressive retaliations, Damian has seen their strength and recognizes how much he can learn from them. The caring nicknames and affectionate hugs were things that he pretends to only tolerate, but he becomes insufferable if he doesn’t receive affection from them.

“But Father, you promised!” Damian stamps his foot, letting the echo of the cave give the action more grandiose than it actually felt. Bruce responds to his childish outbursts more than his calculative reasoning.

Bruce sighs, kneeling down and cupping Damian’s face with gentle hands, “Yes, I know, Dami. But that was before you handcuffed Tim to the stairway railing for three hours.”

Damian crosses his arms and sets a pout to his lips, “He could have gotten out of them if he wanted to,” He mumbles.

“That is not the point and you know that, darling.”

________________________

Bonus:

Damian texting at 1am after not receiving a single pat on the head from his brothers all day: inshallah you will wake in the depths of nightmares most vile

Dick a millisecond later: bb bat wdym?? :(

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throwawaydracula · 2 years

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So, most of you who have been following me for a while will have noticed that I'm a personal fan of Van Helsing as a character. I like him a lot, I have a strong attachment to the character. Maybe I put a more positive spin on him than I sometimes should, maybe I let my feelings get the better of me. But this entry, the 13 September entry, is what cemented my positive impression of him.

I've talked about how Van Helsing subverts what we expect from the Old Supernatural Expert. When I first read this entry as a teenager, I had already consumed an awful lot of horror media, most of it fairly bog-standard and derivative (didn't stop me from enjoying it). I was used to certain conventions. Mrs. Westenra's accidentally wrecking things while having good intentions didn't surprise me, that's a very common trope. What did surprise me-- what stuck with me-- is that Van Helsing didn't start ranting and raving and calling her a stupid old woman, even in private.

That's in character with the Old Supernatural Expert, raving against stupidity. I fully expected Van Helsing to start doing it, and I would have been pretty uncritical at the time. Now of course it's obvious he should have told Mrs. Westenra the flowers were medicinal in the first place; garlic in various forms has a long pedigree as a medicine, that's probably why it's got positive supernatural associations. As he does now, he could have done it before in such a way that it wouldn't seem too shocking. But it's the prerogative of the Old Supernatural Expert to rave against stupidity, and let's be honest-- it's pretty maddening that Mrs. Westenra's very first impulse was to assume the flowers were somehow harmful and remove them all, especially since she flatters herself thinking she's been just as helpful as the doctors.

When I first read this book, I expected Van Helsing to do some good old fashioned railing against the stupidity he has to contend with. But he doesn't.

"God! God! God!" he said. "What have we done, what has this poor thing done, that we are so sore beset?

Now, this could be read a few different ways; The first time I read it, I took it forthrightly to be Van Helsing lamenting that they messed up by not telling Mrs. Westenra what was going on. And of course there's the rhetorical 'what have we or Lucy done to deserve this?' But when he goes on talking about "fate amongst us still, sent down from the pagan world of old", I think what he is referring to is the ancient Greek concept of hubris. Hubris was more than arrogance to the Greeks, it was placing yourself outside the natural order of things, disregarding the personal limits that come with being human, thinking you didn't need to worry about gods, fate, or nature.

And as I have mentioned elsewhere, Van Helsing's core flaw is how much he takes his ability to control the situations around him for granted. As much good as he wills, he doesn't always take all the precautions he might when it comes to the behavior of others-- he didn't instruct John explicitly to sleep during the day so as not to be worn out at night, and he didn't tell Mrs. Westenra the flowers were medicinal. In both cases, perhaps he assumed they would behave in what seemed to him a sensible manner-- what frankly would have been a sensible manner. But he could have talked to them. And Lucy is suffering because he didn't. Hubris is punished by Nemesis. I think that is how Van Helsing perceives the current situation; I think he is somewhat aware of his own flaws, even if he doesn't connect all the dots. Working in theatre as Stoker did, I think it's not unreasonable to posit that that's the formula he had in mind.

Van Helsing could foist all the blame for what's happened on Mrs. Westenra, but he doesn't. Not even privately. Oh, let me be frank: It would be pretty cathartic if he did start cussing her out the moment she left the room. But the fact that he doesn't endears him to me. After his minor breakdown, he immediately goes to help Lucy, and doesn't waste any more breath casting aspersions. That's a rare quality in a person. He even feels sorry for Mrs. Westenra, and acknowledges she only did what she did because she thought she was helping.

Perhaps I'm reading too much into this-- wouldn't be the first time. But here is where I see that 'all-embracing sympathy' come to the fore, and I think it's something valuable. To borrow a phrase: He charm me.

#dracula daily #dracula daily 13 september #long post #cut for length

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phoenixyfriend · 3 years

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Uncle Ben and Little Luke

AKA we combine several types of time travel for maximum Soft Chaos, let’s go

EDIT NOW THAT I’VE WRITTEN THIS UP: jfc this ended up much angstier than initially intended uhhhhhhhhhh sorry

So a common enough thing I’ve seen in time travel fics is characters getting de-aged when tossed back physically, to neither the age they should be in that time, nor the age they were from the time they left, but whatever is most convenient. This is usually de-aging OT Obi-Wan into his TCW self, for reasons relating to, chiefly, removing the damage of Tatooine absolutely destroying his body alongside PTSD-driven alcoholism, but also because fic writers are horny, and Ewan McGregor playing a late-thirties negotiator is on average more appealing to people than Alec Guinness playing a vaguely feral desert hermit.

So, here’s how it plays out:

We take Luke and Ben from some point in the OT. There are a variety of options depending on how angsty we want it to be. My first instinct is ‘right after Owen and Beru die’ but I want to have that sweet angst where Luke knows that his dad is Vader and that Obi-Wan was trying to convince him to kill his own father without telling him that.

We’ll go with shortly after Bespin, and then they end up significantly before TPM. The Obi-Wan of the timeline proper is, eh, let’s say eighteen. Not really ready to be a knight, but old enough that we don’t have to worry about “if we go save Shmi, do we somehow wipe out Anakin?” which is absolutely a worry. Anakin is a toddler, and is in no place to be evil, on account of being literally two years old. He can’t even explode people with his brain yet.

Now, Ben finds himself mid-thirties, as is traditional. He’s not upset at this, because his joints hurt so much less than they used to! His knees aren’t exactly teenage-perfect, but by the Force are they better than they were in the years before he died! His hair has color! He doesn’t have arthritis! And, goodness, no physical withdrawal symptoms! The psychological aspect is still there, but nonetheless, he’s in much better shape than he last remembers being.

Luke looks like he’s about six. He was recently twenty-two. This is not an upgrade. Ben keeps having to carry him. He can’t see over the counter when they enter a bar for information. He can’t enter the bar in the first place. He’s very annoyed by all of this.

Ben is not annoyed. Ben is having a lot of emotions, actually, but annoyance isn’t one of them. He didn’t get to help raise Luke the way he might have if Anakin hadn’t lost his shit, okay, he sees a small Luke and he wants to hug him and cry.

Luke would like to be able to purchase a speeder part without the lady at the stall asking him if he needs his “dad’s” permission.

Once they figure out when and where they are, they need to decide where and how to leave. There are general shenanigans to gamble their way into enough money to hire a ship. They are in the ass end of nowhere, but definitely not Tatooine. There appears to be a jungle. There appears to be a significant variety of man-eating creatures. There appears to be a temple to the Force of questionable origin. None of this is actually helpful, except for the moment they find a “baby’s first lightsaber” in the temple.

Luke only has one hand and, being a six-year-old, his body is growing too fast for him to bother with getting a wired-in prosthesis the way he could as an adult. He can get a more basic prosthesis, but nothing that attaches to the neurons. He’ll outgrow it too fast.

He’s tiny and he’s not used to doing things with just one hand. He uses the Force to do what one hand can't, and every time someone tries to tell him he's misusing the Force he whaps them with the empty sleeve.

So, you know, they find out what year it is. Ben has a breakdown. Luke is upset that he left behind his friends. Ben admits to him that Leia was his twin. Luke stares in horror because dude, she kissed him, you couldn’t have mentioned this earlier???

Ben points out that Beru and Owen were keeping Luke away from him for nineteen years, and then they had about three days of awkward travel to find Leia in the first place, and then Ben died. He didn’t have a whole lot of time to figure out how to tell him.

(This sparks an argument that lasts several days. All onlookers assume that Ben’s son is throwing a tantrum. He doesn’t correct them, even though this is a very valid reason to be upset, because the truth is much harder to explain.)

Sooooo they travel. Mostly, Ben plays Sabacc, cleans house, and pays their way towards Coruscant. Luke still really wants to learn to be a Proper Jedi, even though Ben is pretty sure that Luke would have... a lot of difference of opinion with the Temple, but sure. Coruscant. They can at least stop by, and see Qui-Gon, and Mace, and Quinlan, and Bant, and everyone else that’s still alive and not tragically deceased in the horror following the start of the Clone Wars and then the birth of the Empire, and Ben can have a nice sob over all his dead friends being alive again.

Ben is only barely holding it together while Luke is in the room with him at any given point. But it’s fine! It’s fine. He’s fine. All of his loved ones have come back to life! It’s great! HE’S FINE.

He is not fine.

Luke is also grieving all the people who haven’t been born yet, but he’s... significantly more okay than Ben is.

The closer they get to the Core, the more often people just assume Ben is Luke’s father, and then look shocked and uncomfortable when Luke flatly calls him by his name, and they just... compromise. This is the point at which Luke starts calling him “Uncle Ben.”

Ben cries in his bunk later that night. Luke overhears it and wonders how the HELL Ben is more unstable now, when there’s a chance to fix things and no Vader or Empire trying to kill or capture both of them, and all his friends are alive.

(Luke will later learn a lot about PTSD and realize this is actually a fairly normal situation, to process significant events and emotions only after gaining safety or catharsis.)

(Twenty years on a ball of sand with an alcohol addiction and debilitating fear of the man you raised as your own brother is not, in fact, safe or cathartic.)

At any rate, they’ve settled into that pattern by the time they reach the Inner Rim. The Inner Rim is the part of the galaxy at which they’ve collected enough money (and mental stability) to travel a little better, and to take a few more risks.

Risks like “manipulate people with those baby blues.”

Ben tells Luke that he’s a menace, after he pouts so cutely that he gets a free scarf added on to a purchase that Ben makes. Luke responds that Ben has no room to talk, since he flirted a free breakfast out of that one inn owner.

Also, Luke is currently physically six. That is objectively a situation that sucks. He deserves to use it for all it’s worth if he’s stuck like this.

“You know, if you keep wearing all-black and looking longingly at the velvet cape and Space Chanel boots, the temple is going to worry that you’re a darksider.”

“Uncle Ben... you told me, yesterday, that I sparkle so brightly in the Force that it’s almost blinding.”

“Yes, but the gloves--”

They don’t agree on this, but Ben relents. He does actually understand good fashion, unfortunately, and he’s not unaware of how much Leia taught Luke about such things.

Luke’s about forty years ahead of the curve, of course, but Skywalkers are prone to such things. It’s usually in regards to technology, granted, but...

They get to Coruscant. Ben is very obviously a Jedi. He knows all the right words and walks like a Soresu master and feels warm and comforting in the Force. They let him in with minimal questions. They note down “my first padawan left the order to have a child, but died shortly after; I consider Luke here to be my nephew, and have raised him as such,” and move on.

Luke is vaguely annoyed because he already had an uncle (and aunt) that raised him, but he admits that a person can have more than one uncle. He can live with this. Ben was more family to Anakin than Owen was, in some ways, so it’s kind of true. Luke is even working on feeling more childish affection for Ben instead of the complicated mess of emotions that come from being lied to about some very large and important subjects, and then seeing the person saying those lies have regular emotional breakdowns due to something as small as Luke saying he likes the curve of the hull on that freighter.

(Apparently he sounds just like his father did as a child. This is almost heartwarming.)

The thing is! The thing. The thing is, they almost make it to the Halls of Healing to get looked over for weird viruses, or Outer Rim Parasites, or whatever the hells needs to be happening. They almost make it without Ben having a flashback to dead younglings or brainwashed troopers or the declaration of a Sith Empire. They almost make it without incident.

Then Ben sees Qui-Gon, and freezes, and does not move again.

Luke cannot get him to restart.

People are staring.

They haven’t even made it to Medical, Uncle Ben, come on.

Young, local Obi-Wan comes over and asks if there’s something he can do to help. Or maybe this “Ben” knows Qui-Gon? Master Jinn doesn’t recognize Ben, but maybe Luke knows more?

Luke does know more, but what Luke actually says is “he probably needs a mind healer.”

(Ben will not appreciate this.)

(Ben is unfortunately standing in the middle of the hallway and completely unresponsive, and is unable to argue with this assertion.)

(Ben is pretty much proving this assertion entirely correct, actually.)

Obi-Wan is helpful, if a little bitchy in the manner of most late-teens individuals, and offers to help get Uncle Ben down to the Halls of Healing. It involves Obi-Wan gently pushing on Ben’s shoulders, and Qui-Gon offering to carry Luke so he can be in Ben’s sights (because Ben is a Mystery, and Qui-Gon is quite fond of those, so he wants to stay involved). Ben kind of just... shuffles on down.

There are medical tests. They ask about how Luke lost his hand. He refuses to talk about it. They ask how Ben got all his scars. Luke says he doesn’t know. They ask if he knows why Ben looks like he’s been through a war. Luke says it’s because he probably was.

They check for foreign viruses. They find evidence of thus-far-unpatented vaccinations. They ask Luke if he knows what he’s vaccinated for.

“How would I know? I’m six.”

They agree that this is a good excuse.

(It is not. He’s lying. They do not know this.)

They do some more tests. They find a lot of questionable medical bullshit in Ben’s body. Most of this is from the clone wars, but they don’t know this. Someone realizes they haven’t gotten a ping back from the Shadow Network regarding “do we have permission to pull the medical file of a Jedi that isn’t in the normal database? We’re assuming you know who he is, since we don’t.”

The Shadow Network does not know who Ben is.

The healers, of course, go “huh, that’s weird, but maybe the name he gave his nephew was fake. We can’t exactly ask ‘Ben’ for more details right now. We already had to sedate him. Let’s check the DNA!”

The DNA pulls up as Obi-Wan Kenobi.

The padawan who brought this guy in two hours ago.

“Huh, that’s weird. Let’s call in Kenobi and ask if he knows what’s going on.”

Obi-Wan absolutely does not know what’s going on.

They ask Luke.

“Oh, I don’t know,” he says, lying through his teeth and not even pretending otherwise.

“You’re not a very good liar,” teenage Obi-Wan tells him.

“I’m not trying to be,” Luke says. “Can you get Master Yoda? I feel like we’re going to need him.”

They normally wouldn’t get Yoda on the request of a six-year-old, but they also normally don’t have a catatonic thirty-something Jedi who looks like he’s been through a war popping up in the medical database as the pimply teenage padawan that broke his pinky trying to do a Badass Ataru Flip last week.

Or... whatever Luke i... is... oh dear.

“Young one,” Qui-Gon asks, while people whisper-shout behind him, not realizing he’s cutting the Correlian Knot and just asking the kid himself. “Do you know why your midichlorian count is so high? It’s almost unheard of.”

“Uncle Ben said my dad was the Chosen One,” Luke says, because he is capable of being a little shit and is actually really eager to let Ben deal with some of the fallout. He feels for the man, really, but he’s also tired of being the one to field every single question.

Also, the expressions that pass on Qui-Gon’s face are hilarious.

(Luke may or may not be more affected by his six-year-old brain than he would like to admit.)

“Thank you,” Qui-Gon says, sounding more than a little strangled about it.

It takes another three hours for Ben to wake up.

He listens to the questions. He hears what they say his ‘nephew’ said. He looks at Luke.

“Is this revenge for not telling you about Leia?”

“It’s not revenge,” Luke does not lie. “I just don’t know how to explain it.”

“It’s pretty easy to explain.”

“It’s not my secret.”

“This is revenge for the Leia thing.”

“No,” Luke says. “Revenge for the Leia thing was when I ate a live frog in front of you.”

This is the point at which someone interrupts and points out that they appear to be stalling.

“Oh, he is,” Luke tells them. He gestures at Ben. “I can’t tell you more, because it’s more his story than mine.”

“I’m afraid, Master, that I am very likely to have an emotional breakdown if I allow myself to consider the reality of this situation for longer than the fraction of a second I already have,” Ben reports, full of false cheer. “Suffice to say, I am far from stable and have only held out this far for Luke’s sake.”

“Can you explain why you have my DNA?” Obi-Wan asks, as the person who’s most concerningly involved in this situation.

“You can,” Ben says, smiling like there is absolutely nothing wrong in the slightest, ever. “I’m you, from the future. I actually died and spent a few years dead before coming back. I’m not sure why I’m younger than I was when I died, but I appreciate being able to put on my shoes without my knees attempting to mutiny.”

“He needs a mind healer,” Luke reiterates, in case the strained grin hasn’t made it clear. “So do I, but not as much.”

“I have felt literally every person in this Temple save for Luke and Yoda die,” Ben reports, looking a shade more manic than a few seconds earlier. “It’s very overwhelming to feel you all being alive again. I may be approaching a mental breakdown, and I’ve been rather strictly advised against using alcohol to treat my traumas again.”

Luke kicks him in the thigh. It’s not a very hard kick, because he is very small, and he does actually like Ben. “I’m not letting you turn into an old drunk again.”

After several seconds of silence, a healer quietly suggests that everyone clear the room, and asks if someone could fetch Master Yoda as the youngling requested.

(THIS IS ALMOST THREE THOUSAND WORDS. I started it less than two hours ago. Why am I like this.)

#Ben Kenobi #Obi Wan Kenobi #Luke Skywalker #Qui Gon Jinn #Time Travel #De Aging #Phoenix Posts #Uncle Ben and Little Luke

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chickenmcstucky · 3 years

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meet me in the hallway

Bucky Barnes x reader

Light angst, fluff || 5.1k

Your bad day gets worse when your less-than-friendly teammate catches you having a breakdown over your shitty morning.

A/N: So this is the second work I’m posting, but actually the first I wrote. Inspired by my own bad morning, lol. Nothing like a little cathartic writing. I’d love feedback!

You had to physically stop your whole body from tapping along with your impatient foot. If you didn’t get out of here and back to your sunny balcony soon, you might actually die of frustration. Sure, the whole sunny day stretched out in front of you, waiting, but it was the principle of the thing. Wasting sun is sacrilege to you. Still, the young woman behind the counter was only doing her job as she gathered your prescription and searched for the coupon you asked for. Why was healthcare so expensive?

As your body cooled from the workout you’d finished just before hopping over to the pharmacy, your thoughts wandered to the lazy hours of writing, tanning, and listening to music you had planned for the day. The team was between missions and somehow the stars aligned and your time off brought gorgeous weather and some much-needed you time. The thought relaxed you as the woman finally rang up your total; as you swiped your card you put your Starbucks order into the app and prepared to finally get home and enjoy your day.

That is, until the card machine gave a deep chirp and the cashier informed you your card wasn’t covering the entire purchase. You balked - how could this happen? The insurance debit was loaded up for the year, ready for any medical purchases. It rarely ran out so early in the year, and it was just April! Your brain scrambled to make sense of it. Had the account rules changed and some of your purchase didn’t qualify? No, that couldn’t be it, you’d done this same process just a few weeks ago.

Your cheeks bloomed with heat as you realized the declined card was the only one you’d brought with you, convinced it would be a quick errand and seeing no reason to bring your whole wallet for the short trip down the street from the Tower. Fuck. And there were people behind you; you shuddered to imagine what they might be thinking of you in your sweaty workout clothes as you stammered to the cashier you’d have to come back. Just fucking great. You felt your good mood at the prospect of a sunny day slipping as you left the store as quickly as you could, trying to save a little face.

***

Making your way around the construction - why did they need to close the entire sidewalk? - you hastily headed back to the Tower to grab your wallet from your personal quarters, wondering all the way how this could happen. Why do the simple things always have to go wrong? Rationally, you knew this wasn’t a big deal. You would just pay the balance out of pocket and deal with the insurance later. But it was embarrassing and annoying and just plain inconvenient. Sure, you had the time and the money to spare, but why couldn’t things just work how they’re meant to? Your swirling thoughts brought you through the private lobby of the Tower and to the elevators that led to the personal floors; angrily jamming the button for your floor, you whipped out your phone to check the balance on the insurance card.

Your jaw literally dropped as your eyes caught sight of the balance. There was more than enough to cover the charge at the store! Now you were really upset. Jesus, why was this happening to you? Stupid, simple nature of the occurrence aside, you felt tears of frustration welling to the surface as you berated yourself internally. Why did you have to be lazy and only take the one card? If you’d just taken your whole wallet and been prepared, you could’ve saved yourself so much humiliation and frustration. And time. You’d brought it on yourself, you always did. Your frustration with the pharmacy and your anger at the insurance company quickly turned to annoyance at yourself and your lackadaisical ways. Why were you like this?

You shoved yourself further into the corner of the elevator, letting your head fall back against the wall as it ascended to the personal floors. You could feel your face was still ripe with embarrassment, your throat thick with unshed tears. God, why did everything have to make you cry? Embarrassment, anger, and frustration brought tears to your eyes more often than not, while sadness rarely wet your eyes. Of course, no one else knew that and you felt like a dramatic cry-baby every time you got teary-eyed in front of your teammates and friends. You were an Avenger, dammit! As the elevator signaled your floor and the doors whooshed open, you could only hope the walk to your room would be deserted. You wanted to make a quick exit before anyone saw your despair.

***

The hope was short-lived. You walked out of the elevator with your gaze on the floor, and smack into a well-muscled chest.

“Oh, sorry,” you mumbled, trying to scoot around the body without making eye contact.

“Walk much?” and if that wasn’t the last voice you wanted to hear. Of course, your card gets declined and you get humiliated to tears, and not only could the universe not provide you a painless return to your apartment, it also brought you face to face with Bucky Barnes. You were hardly in the mood to deal with him on a good day, let alone today. He rarely acknowledged your existence except to quip mockery at you, it seemed. At first you thought he was just like that, but you soon realized he was perfectly funny and friendly with the others, if quiet. So it was something about you; what, you didn’t know. And you’d accepted it. You didn’t need him to like you, honestly. His attitude towards you might have brought you to tearful rages sometimes, but only in the quiet solace of your room where you could freely wonder why he despised you so. His devilish good looks and killer smile didn’t help. Avoiding him was the best strategy.

“Can you just not?” you snapped at him as he blocked your way down the hallway, apparently hellbent on making sure you knew he was making fun of you. As if you weren’t painfully aware of how he felt about you. It didn’t help your girlish crush, the little voice in the back of your head always telling you maybe he was mean because he liked you. Bullshit.

“Whoa there, no need to get in a twist doll. Was just havin’ a little fun is all. What’s got you so worked up?” you heard the teasing lilt to his voice but the question forced your eyes to his anyways. God, the asshole was smirking, those gorgeous blue eyes glinting with mirth. Horrified, you felt tears welling up in your eyes again because the universe liked laughing at you, apparently.

“God Bucky do you ever fuck off? Honestly,” your voice broke on the last word as tears threatened their way out of your glassy eyes. “Just leave me alone, why do you always have to be so mean? What did I ever do to you?” the words tumbled out before you could stop them, your anger and hurt getting the better of you.

Realizing your outburst, you floundered in the hallway as Bucky looked at you with a confusing mixture of shock and hurt on his face. Did he really have the audacity to be upset with you? After the way he’s treated you, so often making jokes at your expense? In the back of your head, you knew the jokes weren’t that bad, nothing more than you’d say in a harmless rib against your other teammates. But they were your friends; Bucky was a menace. Not knowing what else to say as the shocked silence stretched on, you averted your eyes from his now stony face and tried to will your tears - and your anger - away so you could get what you came for, finish your errand, and try to salvage the rest of your day. How did things go so wrong so fast?

You didn’t notice as Bucky’s expression morphed from hurt to cocky as he prepared to deliver his next blow.

“Oh, woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning I see, sweetheart.” His smiling tone grated on your nerves - of course he was still making fun of you even after you yelled at him for just that. He couldn’t just be nice, could he?

“At least I sleep in a bed,” you spat, meeting his eyes once more. You knew it was a low blow, immediately regretting it as a pained expression flitted across his face. You sighed - only you could end up feeling guilty for dishing his own mockery back at him after months of his unanswered jibes. “Sorry,” you muttered, your eyes falling closed in shame and frustration at your inability to contain your emotions.

“Yea, okay, I probably deserved that,” you stopped yourself from mocking his ‘probably,’ refusing to dig a deeper hole for yourself, though the eye-roll was unavoidable. “I guess I’ll get out of your way then,” Bucky acquiesced, his voice quieter now.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw his flesh arm reach out as if to pat your shoulder, but he jerked it away as if he hadn’t meant it to move. He hesitated as he half-turned away; why wasn’t he leaving, and since when did Bucky get so unsure of himself? Usually he moved with a sure swagger that riled you right up knowing he thought so highly of himself. Of course, you knew he probably didn’t do it on purpose; your inner feelings about someone had always colored your observations of them and Bucky was no exception - sometimes you manufactured your dislike, but it was inescapable. He infuriated you.

Your head swirled with anger, leftover humiliation, shame at your words to Bucky, and confusion at why he was still in the fucking hallway. You stuttered, mouth moving without your permission but no words forming.

Bucky glanced back at you, and your downturned yet clearly turmoiled face brought an unseen soft, caring look to his chiseled face. It hurt him to see you upset, though you were unaware. He didn’t know why his words to you always came out so biting. He knew how to act around the rest of the team but for some reason you brought out his inner turmoil and apparently his coping mechanism was to just make fun of you. Was he protecting himself? But what did his feelings matter when he had so clearly hurt you? His heart broke realizing that your lack of response to his mocking over the weeks wasn’t good-natured but instead was silent hurt. Fuck, he’d fucked up.

“Honey, why don’t you tell me what’s wrong?” the softness in his voice was so foreign and surprising to you that you jerked your head up, meeting his eyes in shock. “Maybe…I can help,” he gestured awkwardly.

You must’ve pulled a face at that, because his head immediately rolled back as he quipped out, “what, is it so surprising I can be nice?”

“Well…yeah,” you half-whispered, your mouth once more speaking without your mind’s permission. Suddenly you couldn’t meet his eyes anymore, your gaze falling anywhere but his soft blues. Once again you felt shame flood through you, even though you had told the truth - it was shocking to see Bucky offer kindness, at least to you. Had you somehow misread him so horribly? Fuck, there were the tears of frustration again. As if you weren’t embarrassed enough, this time a few actually fell, carving their way down your burning cheeks as your breath hitched.

“Shit. Okay, please don’t cry sweet girl, I’m sorry. I know I’m an asshole. I - I don’t -,” he cut off, not knowing how to explain. At his saccharine tone and the pet name - this time caressed with gentleness rather than thrown with cocky disdain - you broke as tears fell down in rivulets, your body wracking with silent sobs. Why were you such a mess today? Sure, you wore your emotions on your sleeve, but even you could control yourself more than this. Bucky’s sudden softness had caught you off guard. Where on earth was it coming from?

Unsure what to do as you exposed your raw nerves to him like this, you wrapped your arms around yourself as Bucky twitched in front of you, hesitating before once more reaching out to you, with purpose this time. He tugged at your shoulders until you were pressed into his chest, hiding your face in his faded blue henley. You felt the tension bleed out of you as he slowly brought his arms around you, his flesh hand running up and down your back in comfort.

“Hey there, it’s alright,” he cooed quietly, “it’s okay. We can figure it out. I’m sorry sweetheart, I’m sorry.” It was tearing him apart, seeing you cry. You’d never reacted to his jokes like that, at least not to his face. He wondered how often you held your tears in until you escaped to your room, and his heart fractured. He hated who he turned into around you. He’d fix it, he had to. A pretty girl like you shouldn’t cry over a stupid guy like him.

You finally hiccuped to a stop, the tears no longer falling as his sweet ministrations calmed you down. Before more embarrassment over your breakdown could set in, Bucky grasped your shoulders and set you away from him so he could look you in your eyes.

“Now, you tell me what’s going on. I’ll fix it,” his hands gripped you tighter with his last words, assuring you. His sudden change of heart, while shocking, was strangely believable. You trusted his conviction that he wanted to help you.

Sighing shakily, you sniffled and began to explain. “It’s stupid really, Bucky. You don’t gotta worry,” you deflected, walls going back up even though you longed for his comfort, his friendship that you hadn’t allowed yourself to crave.

“Little darlin, it ain’t nothing if it makes you this upset. Please talk to me,” his soft eyes pleaded with you, the kindness floating in their depths piercing straight to your heart. Your resolve - built less from stubbornness now and more from niggling shame at letting him see to your core - crumbled.

“It was just gonna be a quick run to the pharmacy - I needed a refill - and then I was gonna come back here and sit in the sun and try to just enjoy my time off alone but my fucking card got fucking declined even though it has enough money and God, Buck, it was humiliating. And then I came back to get my wallet and -,” you cut yourself off, unsure, not wanting to accuse Bucky of making you cry. He had, but it was the whole situation that had really gotten you going. You didn’t want to point the finger at him when he was being nice for once.

Your sudden silence clued Bucky in to the rest of the story quickly enough, though he took sweet pause at the nickname that had slipped from your pretty mouth. He had the grace to look a bit ashamed, but continued on. “Okay, that’s not so bad then, huh? You can just go back and finish up, it’s still early in the day, plenty of time to relax,” Bucky assured you, thinking he’d figured this out pretty easily.

“Easy for you to say,” you grumbled. “You weren’t the one humiliated in front of multiple people thinking you couldn’t pay. I mean I basically ran out of there, Bucky. Why am I so - UGHHH.”

He very nearly laughed, covering himself by clearing his throat - now that you were talking to him and his dumb brain was letting him be nice to you, he wasn’t about to ruin things by upsetting you again. He wasn’t going to push you away. He found it endearing how open you were with your emotions, wishing he could be more like you some days when his melancholy got the best of him. Maybe then he wouldn’t have to suffer alone.

“I see…well I’m real sorry you had to face that. I’ve been there a time or two, it’s no fun. But it ain’t bad as all that - they weren’t paying you that much attention. It’s New York City, everyone is so self-absorbed I bet they didn’t even notice. That’s not to say you don’t deserve attention ‘cause you do - I mean - that’s not - …yea,” he trailed off, cutting his rambling before he really embarrassed himself. He met your eyes sheepishly, surprised to see a small smile there. His heart soared knowing he was the one to put it there, even at the cost of some embarrassment himself.

“Well, I don’t have much of a choice, I need the prescription today. And - fuck! Whyyyyyyy,” you groaned, your face scrunching as you whined. And damn if that wasn’t just the cutest thing, Bucky couldn’t help but think.

The lilting, light tone returned to his voice as he gently laughed at your groaning. “What is it now, then?”

You moaned, blood rushing to your face as you admitted the silly annoyance, “I forgot my drink at Starbucks. I ordered it while I was in line at the pharmacy, I was gonna grab it on my way back. God, it’ll be warm now - or gone. Icing on the cake, just what I needed,” you sighed, resigned to the wasted money.

Bucky smiled genially as he reached over to ruffle your hair, tucking a stray lock behind your ear with surprising softness. You weren’t sure you’d ever gotten this close to his metal appendage. Something deep inside you fluttered at the prospect of more gentle touches, exploring each other and - now where the hell did that come from? You were beginning to think this morning’s commotion had somehow addled your brain. You shook your head at yourself, emptying those thoughts and Bucky chuckled. This time, though, it felt like he was laughing with you rather than at you. That was….refreshing. Nice, even. You yearned to make him laugh more.

“Alright. It’s no big deal,” Bucky calmly spoke, again determined to bring that smile back to your face and maybe, just maybe, get to know you as a friend. Something about how you’d opened up to him gave him hope he hadn’t ruined things beyond repair with his boyish taunting. He’d treat you like you deserved, be a good man to you, if he could take this chance.

“How about this - you go back, get that paid for, and I’ll go get your drink. If it’s warm or gone, I’ll make them make you a new one. Then you can get on with your day, and I’ll, uh…get out of your hair, I guess,” Bucky trailed off, suddenly unsure. Would this truce be short lived, lasting only until you resolved your dilemma? He guessed he’d deserve it if so, but he couldn’t help but hope you’d stick around him. He’d just have to give it his best shot.

“That’s - wow Buck, you don’t have to go to all that trouble. It’s nothing, silly really, I told you,” you scuffed your feet along the floor, suddenly feeling burdensome. A fearful voice in the back of your head wondered if you were just giving him more ammunition for future joking.

“It’s no trouble darlin’. It’s…it’s the least I can do for ya. I guess I know it’s a miracle you even talk to me. I don’t know why I’m so..” he cut off again, still not sure how to explain without exposing his inner thoughts. “Now, what’s the order?”

“Oh, uhm…,” you balked, disbelieving at what you were about to have to say to Bucky. “It’s, uh, called a Pink Drink?” you let the name escape your lips uncertainly, waiting for the inevitable mocking. But to your surprise, the sweetest smile graced Bucky’s face, lighting up his eyes.

“Well, if that ain’t just adorable,” he gently joked to you as you gave a grudging smile. “One Pink Drink it is, honey.”

And wow, these sudden sweet names were getting to you. You felt your heart flutter as he winked at you before sending you on your way down the hall to your room, finally about to clean up the mess you’d made this morning. He even waited for you to get your wallet, escorting you back to the elevator and riding down to street level with you.

“Go on then,” he encouraged, seeing you hesitate again. “I’ll meet you back up there,” he nodded back towards the Tower.

You smiled softly, half at him and half at the ground you were once more staring at, before making your way back to the pharmacy.

***

You supposed the second trip was actually rather painless. Not a big deal at all, just as Bucky had assured you. Perhaps you could salvage your afternoon indeed, let the sun burn the frustration and embarrassment out of you. Though something told you your newfound confusion at Bucky’s kindness would soon take hold. You still couldn’t believe the gentleness with which he handled you, the kind softness of his words as he comforted you - was this really the same man who spared few words for you but for jokes and laughter at your expense? Something had…shifted. You pushed the uneasy, yet warm feeling away. No time to dissect that right now, you scolded yourself as you headed up the elevator once more, this time for good. You were determined to put this morning behind you and enjoy your rare sunny day off.

As you stepped off the elevator to head to your room, you absently wondered where Bucky was. Surely he had made it back before you - the Starbucks was much closer than the pharmacy. Yet he was nowhere to be found. You weren’t sure if you were bothered or relieved about that. Bothered that he might have abandoned his mission to help you, relieved you might not have to face him again. At least before, his unkindness was certain. You had learned to deal with it. Now, this new kind, gentle Bucky? Just what in the hell were you supposed to do with that? You didn’t know what to think.

***

These swirling thoughts stuck with you as you walked into your room; you were so distracted by your own internal monologue that the open door didn’t phase you, nor did the breeze coming in from the now ajar balcony door catch your eye. Absentmindedly you flitted around the room, putting away your wallet and goods. When the breeze coming in from the balcony caught a lock of your hair, blowing it across your face, you froze. Why was the balcony door open? You certainly hadn’t left it that way.

Peering out to investigate, you stopped right in your tracks at the sight that met your eyes. Your lounge chair was covered in one of your beach towels, bluetooth speaker already gently playing your sunshine playlist. And there on the table was your Pink Drink. You were flabbergasted - had Bucky come in and done this? For…you? The mere thought of him taking the time to set this up sent your heart soaring. But where was he? Perhaps your earlier thoughts were right - his sudden kindness had run out, and he was tired of being your friend already. Somehow, you couldn’t quite believe that to be the truth.

Determined not to let this chance go, because now that you’d had a taste of Bucky’s sweet side you would be damned if you couldn’t sink your teeth in, you set off in search of the brooding man. Wandering down the hallway, you steeled your resolve - you were going to thank him, and you weren’t going to get flustered this time. Maybe this could be a new start for both of you. Maybe he was more than you thought.

The door to Bucky’s room was open, and you heard the soft notes of Billie Holiday float into the corridor. You pushed your hesitation aside and walked in, not seeing him anywhere until your gaze fell upon a brunette head just peaking over the top of a chair on his balcony. Walking towards the glinting sunlight outside, you lightly knocked on the doorjamb to alert him to your presence, knowing he had probably heard you come in anyways.

“Hey,” he exclaimed softly, rolling his head to the side to glance at you. He seemed less…pompous than earlier, at least, but less energetic too. Like something had popped his bubble.

You stepped gingerly out onto the balcony, as if you were wary of startling him. As if you even could. Suddenly you were lost for words, the atmosphere awkward in a soft way. Unspoken words flitted between the two of you, both lost as to how to approach the new dynamic that crash landed in your laps earlier.

“Uh,” you started, lapsing into a giggle. “Thanks for the uh, for my drink. And stuff,” you finished uneasily, letting out a sharp laugh at your inability to articulate your appreciation for his earlier kindness. You still weren’t sure if there would be more where that came from, or if you had simply taken him aback with your tears and his sudden gentility was a stress reaction. You steeled yourself to be laughed out of his room, just in case.

“My pleasure, sweet girl,” he sighed, gazing out over the city. “Least I could do, really.”

“I - Bucky,” you heaved a deep breath and continued, “thank you, you really didn’t have to be so….sweet.”

He didn’t respond immediately and you wondered if you’d taken it too far, but before you could get too worried he spoke again.

“Darlin,” he started, the term of endearment dripping from his lips sweet like honey, “I owe ya a real apology. I never wanted to be unkind to you, but it felt like I couldn’t stop it. Whenever I see you I just…forget myself. It’s like I don’t know how to act, you scare the decency right outta me.”

Was this really happening? You gaped, “wha - Bucky, what?”

He held up a hand to stop you as he kept speaking, his words further shocking you yet sending a warm buzz up your spine at the same time. “I’m sorry I’ve treated you the way I have. I like joking with people but it’s not right that it hurt you and I kept on. I’m sorry I made ya cry. It ain’t an excuse but girl, you really terrify me. In a good way, I think, but I didn’t let myself see that. I hope it ain’t too late, you know…to be friendly?”

You were sure he could see the astonishment clear as day on your face, and you watched as his own expression contorted with unease. It wasn’t hard to see this admission was uncomfortable for him. But why? Because it pained him to admit he was wrong, or because…he was as afraid of rejection as you were?

“It’s not!” you blurted before you realized you had even spoken. ‘“It’s not too late.”

Bucky looked at you with a small smile, hope blooming in his eyes. You couldn’t believe your shit day had turned into this - who would have ever thought Bucky Barnes, the asshole next door, could be nice. Could apologize, even.

An idea struck you and before you could lose your confidence, you spoke, “Do you wanna come sit out with me?”

You left the invitation hanging desperately in the air as you shifted from one foot to the other, hoping he would accept.

“Only if you let me have some of that drink,” he laughed as he got up and ushered you back inside, through to your own room and balcony. You smiled to yourself but stayed quiet as you sat down on your chair; Bucky got comfortable in the chair next to you as the tune of a love song permeated the thick, warm air around you.

Silently grasping your drink, you handed it to him. It felt like a peace offering.

His rosy lips wrapping around the edge of the cup mesmerized you, a rivulet of condensation dripping from the cup down his arm as he swallowed.

His low laugh snapped you out of your reverie. “Well?” you inquired.

His lips stretched into a smile, “sweet drink. Perfect for a sweet girl,” a husky tone to his voice as he handed the drink back to you, your mouth agape once more.

A laugh ripped its way out of your throat, loud and boisterous and before you knew it you gasped out, “who are you and what have you done with Bucky? So charming, jesus.”

“Guess I have my moments. Gonna try harder to have them around you,” he let out a breathy laugh, still unsure how to act around you. But this felt better, lighter. For the first time in a while, he felt at ease within himself.

“I think I’d like that,” you spoke surely. Then a streak of courage hit you and you went on, “maybe next time, I could go with you? I mean, you could go with me - together, uh..”

Bucky smiled then, wide, “you askin’ me on a date there honey?” he cooed, joking but in kindness.

This time, you were ready to dish it back. “If you think one drink and some sweet talking is enough to get a date with me you got another thing coming, Barnes!” you jibed. “I was merely offering to return the favor,” you turned your face up with false haughtiness, but your laughter and the way you averted your eyes told him the truth. Turning over a new leaf and all that, he guessed.

“Well, I suppose that’s a start,” he laughed, hope bubbling in his chest. “That’s a start.”

As you watched the sun reach its midday summit, your mind wandered. What a day it had been already. You never thought you’d share such emotion with Bucky, that he’d be capable of handling it, or even sharing some in return. Maybe there was some truth to his words - you wouldn’t let the pain of his mocking slide so easily, but you felt he deserved the second chance he was craving. You deserved it, too.

You stole a quiet glance at him, your cheeks warming as you realize he’d been staring at you. He looked away quickly, but not before you caught a blush spreading across his cheeks. Perhaps, you thought, bad mornings weren’t so awful if they ended with afternoons like this.

***

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ghostietea · 3 years

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Furuba autistic headcanons

With it being April, or autism acceptance month, I wanted to finally drop my list of characters from Fruits Basket that I read as autistic! This is based a lot on my own experience, as well as that of other autistics I know or have seen talk online. I hope some people can get something out of it, feel free to tell me what you think 😊, though please refrain from getting upset that I would dare suggest your fave is autistic.

Hanajima

Before becoming able to better control her powers, she would be constantly overwhelmed by the things she heard to the point that she couldn't even really go out in public. This reads a lot like sensory overload.

Constantly picked on in school because other kids thought she was weird. Eventually reclaimed this weirdness and turned it into a whole persona.

Seems to talk usually in a relatively flat tone.

Had trouble socializing with no friends outside her family until middleschool.

Has a very funny, dry sense of humor that I find very similar to a bunch of autistics I know, including myself.

Hatsuharu

Listen. You have seen the funky little man, you have seen the way he talks, the way he acts around others. He is, and I mean this in the best way, a weirdo. I do not know how you could look at him and see a neurotypical.

Once again, like Hana, Haru is funny in a way that feels very autistic.

Very flat, dry, tone delivery. Sometimes just Says Things that make everyone else go huh??? Suuuuper blunt. Doesn't emote facially a lot of the time.

When this man sees a social norm he doesn't get he WILL NOT follow it. Pierces his ears just because his hair got flak, defends Momiji wearing whatever he wants because sometimes y'know the social rules are just dumb and don't make sense. Especially dress codes.

Sometimes says things not befitting the current tone of the situation.

Represses (masks) a lot of his emotions, leading to outbursts that seem uncharacteristic.

His main childhood trauma revolves around adults branding him as "dumb" and ridiculing him. Haru, however, is super smart and wise!! Just in an offbeat way that not everyone may get.

Machi

Reads as very "flat" emotionally to the point that others would call her boring. Also has a flat vocal delivery.

Relies on specific habits or ways of doing things or else she gets super upset (her hatred of imperfection.

Has trauma surrounding adults completely misconstruing her intentions and thinking she's doing something malicious when she's not.

Generally behaves in a way that's hard for others to understand, one of her formative moments with Yuki was him saying he wanted to "see how the world looks" through her eyes.

Once again, trouble socializing.

Tries super hard to please her parents but in the end they still see her as somehow inherently "defective."

Listen. A lot of this one and the last two are mostly vibes, hard to verbally define. You just have to look at them and trust me.

Tohru

Displays behavior very reminiscent of masking throughout the story, a huge part of her arc is about how she hides a lot of herself and has a very controlled persona. I think it would fit very well if she had other autistic behaviors that she suppresed also it helps explain why she is relatively socially adept, it's learned behavior to make people like her more.

Yes she is very good at saying what others need to hear, but especially early on she is pretty blatantly imitating her mother's words. She only gets better at getting through on a more personal level later on (see her with Rin and Akito v. early series Tohru). She does this by relating her own experiences, a very autistic way of showing empathy that often gets us written off as self centered. The way she relays things her mom said could also be seen as this, and she even worries at a few points that she's being insensitive for going on about things like that.

While emotionally repressed she is hyper empathetic and feels other's emotions so strongly she cries.

Her speech patterns are all imitated from her father and she often copies verbal things from others (see Ritchan-san). Noted in canon that people think her way of speaking is slightly off/not befitting of someone her age. Additionally, her father was polite more sarcastically, while she plays it straight and sometimes takes things very literally or fails to get the message, indicating trouble with reading tone. Has numerous strange verbal tics, including saying parts of her internal monologue out loud without context.

Very expressive with her hands including waving them around and flapping them up and down.

Does have a bit of trouble with accidental insensitivity in social interactions, like how she constantly fixates on her mom and realizes that might bug the Sohma.

Has trouble paying attention in school since it doesn't have much to do with her interests

Her only friend until she was a middle schooler was her mom

Has a pretty unique outlook on things compared to others, people seem to think she's pretty eccentric. There's always a "this girl is nice but in an odd way, she's our weirdo and we love her" vibe.

Sometimes has an "inappropriate" emotional response to situations

Has a lot of trouble with change, similar to Akito. Which oh, look at the time, next hc coming up.

But first, a disclaimer. It is cathartic for me to read Akito this way, but with that reading comes the baggage that she would, mayhaps, be showing a more negative side of things... It doesn't bother me since it's a joint hc with other characters and she does develop at the end but yeah, general villain hc baggage. This is in no way me trying to excuse her being The Worst being autistic doesn't absolve you of being able to do wrong . Also, a lot of these points can and do have other explanations related to her upbringing, but things can be for more than 1 reason. With that said, she really strongly comes off as autistic to me, in a way that's sorta hard to explain. I wrote a lot more for her than the other, both because I felt I needed more to convince people and that this headcanon was more sensitive and I needed to be careful in my explanation. Also hey! She's my special interest within a special interest.

Akito

Shown to have a dislike of summer weather due to heat and brightness, could be due to sensory issues in tandem with sickness things. Also covers her ears when people raise their voice sometimes which is partially her trying to shut down opposition but also 🤔 can read a different way. She'd also avoids louder Juuni like Ritsu and Ayame because she can't handle them.

Wears pretty much the same outfit every single day. Said outfit is also pretty loose fitting.

Always seen sitting in a pretty unconventional way. Evidence:

Of course this is also the isolated in a cult thing and there is a level of her purposefully doing things to intimidate but: doesn't follow a lot of social rules (overly touchy with strangers, legit doesn't get that what she's doing is wrong, ect.). Repeatedly confused when people indicate she should act otherwise without explanation. Has a breakdown when this comes to a head and approximately says that "they" shouldn't expect her to know "common sense" if "they" never explained it to her, that the way that she was was her "common sense."

Often talks in a way uncharacteristic of her age when shown as a child in a more faux mature/pretentious way. Might just be the translation and idk how to explain it but her speech as an adult also seems off from what one would normally use in conversation. Additionally, when she tries to fake being friendly in her intro chapter, it comes of as extremely stiff and unconvincing.

Generally displays behavior that could be thought of as childish as an adult, but a lot of this behavior could also read as autistic (covering ears, emotional deregulation and meltdowns, ignorance of basic social norms, ect.). It's also important to note that she knows that this behavior makes her seem younger and more helpless to the older zodiac and uses it as a manipulation tactic. Has issues regarding people treating her like a child or only hanging out with her because of pity. While she does weaponize it, we can tell that this grates on her, as seen with her finally blowing up on Kureno, which is partially triggered by the maids saying some sorta infantalizing stuff about her. Irl, a lot of autistic adults and teens struggle with being infantalized for our behavior generally or treated as little babies that can do no wrong. Even in fandom, you see people doing stuff like jumping to call autistic adult characters, such as Entrapta from Shera, "minor coded." It is also common for us to have at least one bad experience with someone hanging around us out of pity. This is something that really gave me a similar feeling in Akito's arc. She's not a baby and she can understand and do better if she is given the chance to learn and break from all the freaky cult indoctrination she's been subjected to instead of just being constantly enabled. In the end, a lot of her growth is represented by her showing that she is capable of changing and being independent.

Shows particular difficulty with socialization, often sits by herself spacing out at social events. A lot of her fear is rooted in the fact that she doesn't know how normal relationships work, becoming overly reliant on the curse because she doesn't know how to make friends.

Clings desperately onto the notion of being "special" and in some way superior to others to be worthy and to make up for perceived inherent "flaws." It's the nd gifted kid burnout vibes for me.

Easily bothered by things that don't bother others. Feels emotions very strongly to the point of getting physically ill and has bad emotional regulation.

Relatively good at reading others in an analytical sense (though has more trouble when it comes to seeing how they feel about her since she's wildly delusional) but brings up her observations in a very cold, detached way and hurts people even on the rare occasion she didn't mean to. Has extreme trouble connecting to others and understanding their point of view. This makes her come off as pretty unempathetic even though that might not fully be the case. Also thinks that people like Momiji are trying to look down on her when they try to empathize with her. A lot of why Tohru can get through to her is that she manages to convince Akito that she's not condescending by relating shared traits and experiences. As I said earlier, autistics often empathize by sharing their own experiences with someone, and I know I often have an easier time confiding in other autistics because of a fear of being seen as lesser by those that don't understand me. I think the connection between these charachters and the way that Tohru manages to reach Akito like that while others couldn't makes a lot of sense through an autistic lense!

Additionally, when Akito herself gets around to trying to help others instead of just projecting trauma, she tries to reach out to the old maid by relating back to her own experiences. This however, doesn't work.

Has "cold" emotional reactions sometimes even to things that do make her upset. For example, how sort of calm and detached she acted after her father's death can make her seem uncaring. However, we know that this event did mess her up a lot and she is still (poorly) dealing with a lot of grief from the death of her father years later.

Copies mannerisms from others, the most blatant example is with Ren, who she directly parrots lines from as a child to Yuki.

Partly just her posturing, but gestures a lot with her hands when she talks. Also seen several times clutching her hands in her hair.

Deals extremely poorly with the idea of things changing to the point that it is a driving force of the story.

Does not understand when people tease her.

Ect. Ect. Ect. Listen, I could go on for ages but just trust me, the mean gremlin lady is autistic.

#fruits basket #akito sohma #tohru honda #saki hanajima #machi kuragi #hatsuharu sohma #actually autistic #meta

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16woodsequ · 3 years

Note

I have three questions about writing fanfiction and you’re the best fanfic writer I’ve seen so I’m going to ask them to you if that‘s alright

1. How do you write a lot in chapters, because I never manage to write more than 1k words about the chapter topic

2. How do you stay motivated for writing a long fic?

3. Do you have any tips about how to deal with a large ensemble of characters?

First of all, I'd like to say how happy and honoured I am for this ask! It made me so happy you thought of me. I'll do my best to answer helpfully.

My response ended up being pretty long, to I'll leave it under the cut.

In general, my chapters are between 3k to 6k. I find 4k-5k is a good range for me. Before I talk about writing more in chapters, I think it is important to say that short chapters are not wrong. Short chapters can be wonderful to read!

If you want to work on writing more, I have a few suggestions. First though, the way my writing style works is I go into a story generally knowing the basic plot points, and I write all the chapters first, before I post them. So keep this in mind, since my techniques might need to be adapted for your style.

When starting a chapter, I have what I call the 'bone and meat' method. To write around 5k words, I find each chapter has enough room to explore 3-5 "events". These are the bones of a chapter.

As an example. I will use chapter five of "Alternatively", because I'm guessing you read that one. (If not you can send another ask with some you've read and I can use those).

The bones of this chapter are:

Prelude/set up to Steve learning about Bucky.

Pierce taking Steve to see Bucky

Steve having a breakdown in the elevator

Steve and Tony talking about it

These are the four main things that needed to happen in this chapter. I don't always start a chapter knowing what will happen at the end, but usually by 500 words in, I've figured out what out of my plot points will be happening in the next 5k of words.

When deciding what will be the bones of a chapter, I find I have two systems. Either I give the reader a satisfying cathartic ending, or I leave them in anticipation.

Chapter five is a good example of a mini-arc within a chapter that ends with a satisfying emotional catharsis. If you think of it along a story plotting graph, the prelude is the exposition, Pierce taking Steve to Bucky is the conflict/rising action, Steve's breakdown is the emotional climax of the chapter, and Tony and Steve's conversation is the falling action/resolution.

The ending event of the chapter feels natural, because while the story isn't finished, the emotions and events of the chapter have been tied together and dealt with for the time being.

An anticipatory ending for a chapter would be more like a cliffhanger, and would probably end near the climax of whatever plot points are happening. (Such as chapter 3 of Alternatively, the emotional climax of the chapter hits right at the end.)

So basically, your overall story has rising action and a climax, but if each chapter is roughly outfitted around that too, then it may be easier to write long chapters.

Once you have the bones of a chapter, all you need to do is add in the meat to fill out whatever word count you are aiming for. If you have written the bones of a chapter, but still aren't at a word count you like, then it is simply a case of adding more depth to what is already happening—showing the emotions of the characters, getting into their head, bringing up past events and relating them to what is currently happening, foreshadowing, describing the scene/senses, etc.

Please know that when I'm writing my chapters, I'm not obsessively planning out the steps of a chapter and thinking of all these things constantly. These are just patterns I've noticed after the fact, so they are not hard and fast rules.

As for how I stay motivated for long stories, the thing that works best for me is writing all the chapters before I post the story. I know this system doesn't work for every author (and believe me, sometimes I really want to post), but I find doing so relieves pressure on me, and I don't feel guilty if I don't write a story for weeks or months because I am working on something else.

That being said, for my large Alternate Timeline series, I didn't have time to write all the chapters ahead of time. By the time I was writing The Alternate Handler, I had about a 10 chapter lead.

Things that helped me stay motivated is finding parts of the story that I really wanted to write. I usually write chronologically, so having moments that I knew where coming and I was excited for helped motivate me to continue.

Also, recognising that I sometimes made things harder for myself. Sometimes I'd be stuck on how to finish a scene, or expressing something, and my writing would slow, until I would realise that sometimes things don't need to be written in exact detail. If you don't know how to get a character to walk out of a room, sometimes you can just end the scene there. Unless something is plot relevant, you can write around it, if it is an issue.

Sometimes, if I'm stuck on a story or a chapter, it helps to take a step back and figure out what the actual blockage is. Often it won't be what I think it is. Sometimes it isn't because I don't know how to write it, or I don't know what to write—sometimes I can't write a scene because I haven't seen the movie in a while, and all I need to do is find the battle on youtube and rewatch it. Sometimes it is because I don't know how an engine works, and I need to either look up the information, or make a note of it and move on to another scene.

And sometimes you just gotta clunk out a scene word after word, because once you do, it will be done, and you can always make it better later. You can't edit what isn't written.

Writing Marvel gives me plenty of opportunity to deal with large casts. Generally what happens is I end up focusing on the relationship between a few main characters, while the other characters have less focus.

In my Alternative Timeline series, the relationships between Steve, Bucky, and Tony are the focus.

Of course, this doesn't mean I want to forget about the other members. You'll notice especially in Bucky and Tony's stories that they have secondary relationships with other people like Natasha, Bruce, Clint, Pepper, Peter, and Nebula. These secondary characters get scenes with the main characters too, kind of on a rotational basis.

So first tip is to trim down how many characters you are focusing on, and how many characters are interacting with each other in each scene.

In fics I will often have Thor be away on Asgard, or Clint and Natasha doing missions, etc, so they don't get underfoot.

That being said, there are times like during group meetings, when you can't avoid having everyone in the same room.

In those times, it is important not to forget who is in the room. I will literally count on my fingers, or write down lists of who is supposed to be at the table, so I can remember.

A good example of this on a small scale is Steve's birthday party in chapter 14 of The Alternate Handler. That one has almost every Avenger but Thor sitting in a circle, playing a game. I had specific moments in mind, so I needed to remember who was sitting by who. I wrote down the names in order so I wouldn't forget, and could properly situate people in my head.

An example on a bigger scale is chapter 26 of The Alternate End. In this chapter, the Avengers have a meeting with practically every other character who was there at the final battle.

Yet again, I pare down the cast a little. T'Challa and Shuri aren't there because they are in Wakanda.

To help keep control of the larger group, I start with a vague idea of where everyone is sitting, and then don't go into deeper detail than I have to.

In the scene, we know the Guardians, Peter, and Thor and Loki are all sitting kind of near each other, but I don't specify who is sitting next to who unless I need to.

I also have Tony looking around the table for a few hundred words, seeing each group, and slowly but surely introducing them to the reader. Tony hasn't seen the whole group for a while, so he has a reason to catch the reader up to speed on what has been happening. While he thinks about the life developments of the people around him, the reader starts to get an idea of who is in the room, and their general mood.

A final tip I often use is staggered entrances. If you have a large group, and something Plot Worthy needs to happen when Character A and B talk, then don't have the meeting ready to start right away.

Have some people already sitting, so that your POV character can process them, then have some more people come in, and then some more. (I do this in chapter 19 of The Alternate End, before the time travel jump.)

With a big group, you need time to show what needs to be shown, so give yourself the space to breathe and give the characters the right amount of attention.

I hope these tips and notes were helpful. Feel free to come back with more questions, or details about your own writing style if what I said doesn't work nicely for you!

And remember, these are just tips, not the golden rule.

Have a great day!

#asks #anon #writing asks #writing tips #writing suggestions #writing help #writing #fanfic writing #story writing #chapter writing #plotting

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class1akids · 3 years

Note

Idk if this is unpopular but I think quirk singularity is a dumb plot device. What is the need for it in the story?

I feel the opposite - I think Quirk Singularity is absolutely necessary at this point to make the OFA-AFO plot at least somewhat interesting.

1. Let’s recap what is quirk singularity?

Quirk singularity means that (1) with each generation powers become more complex and stronger (2) this means quirk will be more difficult to control, since the human body doesn't evolve quickly enough to keep up (3) there will come a point when Quirks will become too overpowered and complicated, and no one will be able to control them anymore.

Basically, quirk singularity puts a limit on the power a single person can hold and poses an interesting and complex ultimate threat at the level of society that relies on ever-increasing powers to solve its problems. How can you solve the problem with more power if more power is the problem itself?

2. How the limits quirk singularity presented manifest in the story and why they are important?

Powers having a drawback is essential for good the story-telling. There is nothing more boring than characters who are so powerful that they can always do whatever they want, there is no real danger, real stakes and at most they are inconvenienced from using their power. It’s difficult to put such characters in suspenseful or dramatic scenarios where the audience really feel that they may lose or fail.

So in the BNHA universe, generally, all people have a single quirk. All these quirks are limited in some way or have some built-in drawbacks:

- Top-level quirk with versatility, but still with soft upper limits (there is always a plus ultra at a price), the holder’s personality flaws lead to self-sabotage (e.g. Bakugou, Endeavor)

- Top level quirk with versatility and no hard upper limit, but the holder can’t fully wield it unless they overcome underlying trauma linked to the power itself (e.g. Todoroki)

- Top power-level quirk with a single ultimate weakness (Hawks, Tokoyami, Aizawa) or the use of which starts a cooldown period (Kaminari) or the power is limited for stockpile resource (Eri, Momo)

- Mid-level powers that can do one thing really well (Kirishima, Iida, Mina) or more support nature powers that are versatile but do not have a lot of raw output attached to fragile users (Froppy, Jirou)

- low-level powers.

But the Top Good (OFA) and Top Evil (AFO) are not limited to a single power - they can acquire multiple powers.

AFO’s power limitation is how much quirks his body can absorb. As evidenced by the existence of the nomu - multiple powers usually come at the price of losing one’s humanity. But luckily for AFO, he has Evil Scientist as sidekick, who can find a way around this problem by evil sciencing (modifying a body to create hosts for AFOs upgrades).

OFA is a power that started out weak and has been built through generations through self-sacrifice to reach the point where it could compete with AFO, but not quite eliminate it (All Might era).

Without quirk singularity, this battle of evil and good would continue forever without stakes until AFO and OFA-users are chucking planets at each other, but now OFA has reached it’s full potential and the tipping point where it cannot be transferred anymore, creating a now-or-never situation to defeat AFO.

This puts the protagonist under some pressure and creates some stakes. If he can’t win, everyone is doomed. (Unfortunately we already know that Deku will not fail because it’s stated in Chapter 1, so it’s not exactly the biggest suspense, but better than nothing)

3. How could quirk singularity apply better to OFA ?

So we saw with AFO, how quirk singularity is a real barrier to his continuous power-ups. Failed nomu, the damage to Tomura’s body, the mental problems caused by the quirk upgrades are all interesting limits.

In contrast, OFA’s limits I think were not very well handled. Especially, because of who Deku is as a protagonist.

His goal is to become like All Might - the hero who was the ultimate Deus ex Machina of the universe, so powerful that he inadvertedly created a terrrible system reliant on that incredible power of a single person. Deku is trying to follow in his footsteps.

So where lies Deku’s conflict or challenge or limitation?

He’s morally perfect - already surpassing All Might in character from the start (as evidenced by his positive influence on people All Might failed, including All Might himself). He has no conflict as regards his goal - he’s not a reluctant chosen one - his goal is aligned with the power and legacy he gets. His power is a stronger version of All Might’s. So logically, he should be able to do everything alone that All Might could.

So the limit doesn’t lie in Deku’s character, nor in the goal, nor in the power. So where is it?

Because of quirk singularity, OFA has become more difficult to handle than it was at All Might’s time, which in the beginning gives Deku all kinds of limitaitons and broken bones, that he could only solve by lowering his power-output. He had to nerf himself to be able to continue.

This is a good limitation, but unfortunately the story didn’t deliver so far on the consequences. While in the Muscular fight Deku permanently damages his arms, this damage didn’t really hold him back so far in a credible way. He wins against Overhaul with the biggest plot-device ever (Eri-backpack), and he manages to smash ShigarAFO endlessly without much visible harm.

Also, because of “plot”, OFA underwent an evolution where it opened up the actual quirks of the previous users to Deku. This was in my view a very bad development, that made Deku less interesting. Suddenly, he had all these extra powers for free (so far neither Black Whip, nor Float came with any drawback whatsoever) that means:

- he can do everything better than other characters, making their niche powers redundant and sucking the oxygen out of their arcs (how could a Sero, Froppy or Uraraka fight look cool now that Deku can do all that but better and on a grander scale)? He has the most power, the most speed, long range, short range, snare, flight - basically the best of everything.

- he has a convenient tool for everything that gets him out of every situation and makes it so that the consequences he suffered because of OFA-singularity to his body don’t apply anymore - he could use Black Whip as a brace and continue smashing with broken arms, and even when his body was broken, he could help Todoroki with his tongue (unlike before in the Forest, when Bakugou was kidnapped).

These upgrades don’t come from any personal development or growth, but all come from OFA’s evolution. Deku also doesn’t struggle much with the extra powers (masters Black Whip in a week and Float instantenously - with some pre-training).

Plus, in the latest chapters his quirklessness has been retconned into making him the perfect vessel, pretty much abandoning the physical consequences as a limit to OFA singularity. Whatever damage his body sustains is always repairable or can be overcome with new gizmos or using the extra quirks.

So did multi-quirk OFA ruin the OFA plot irrevocably?

I think it did a lot of damage to Deku as a character (no growth, no conflict, no clear story-reason why he should be his own hero relying on others rather than still wanting to be an upgraded All Might-god), and to the story overall, by trivializing and making useless other characters who we as audience were invested in. Seeing everyone becoming nothing but fodder sucks big time in my view.

But I think there could still be interesting things be done with OFA due to quirk singularity. As we’ve seen with Shigaraki and the nomu - multiple quirks come with a price to be paid not only physically, but also mentally.

So far Deku is not paying any price for it though. All the extra quirks have come without drawbacks. Danger Sense has the potential to start wearing Deku down mentally though - due to sensing the crisis situations but not being able to be everywhere at once and wearing himself out.

Another thing I’d like to see is the pain and self-sacrifice of all the previous users taking a toll, as well as finally having some of these randomly chosen people to be not perfect. I think having multiple personalities living in Deku’s head shouldn’t look like a peaceful royal tea party.

All these users gave up a lot to get Deku here, so I feel like there should be some pressure on him from inside to get the job done or at least some disagreement about Deku’s plan to make nice with Tomura instead of eliminating AFO (remember, it’s the last chance!). So I think maybe whatever chat he had with 2nd and 3rd provided some conflict between the wills of the previous users, resulting in conflicting wishes for Deku.

All these could lead towards a mental exhaustion or breakdown that could be an interesting moment for Deku as a protagonist and really give him the clarity that repeating history is useless, a solo saviour is not the right answer, but changing the system and empowering everyone else is.

Since the power-scaling of OFA is already off the charts, I think it would be good to make it hurt more. It should feel like a terrible mental and physical burden (something like Frodo with the One Ring) to mirror Tomura being suffocated by AFO, so when the two powers destroy each other (which I really hope is the endgame), it will feel cathartic - that giving up and destroying that great power liberates Deku and saves his life so he can continue as a great hero (but scaled back towards the other in-universe top powers) who kept his humanity and his chance of a normal life full of meaningful bonds.

I’m also wondering how the story will close the society-level quirk singularity plot. One option is that all quirks are somehow tied to AFO (it being the original source) so AFO’s destruction leads to the elimination or gradual decline of all quirks - which would be cohrerent with Deku being the “greatest” - he would hold the peak power at peak quirk level.

Or it may be left unresolved, leaving the door open for a sequel where the ultimate “evil” is quirk singularity doomsday itself.

#bnha meta #bnha endgame speculation #ofa #midoirya izuku #quirk singularity #afo #ofa plot

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sepublic · 3 years

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Ok no one else is saying it so I will: the fact that Lilith in Wing it Like Witches basically had a mental breakdown over losing the grugeby match and having to go back to the Emperor empty-handed really makes me wonder what kinda fucked up stuff Belos might do to Lilith. I mean it's already implied that he's abusive to her so I wouldn't be surprised if she was getting severe undeserved punishments for not bringing Eda back.

Honestly, I suspect Lilith is just highly sensitive to failure in general… I wouldn’t be surprised if she was harshly punished for every mistake she made as a child, given the comparisons of the Coven System to the American school system- And if Lilith is neurodivergent just as Luz, Eda, and Amity are coded to be, then it’d hit even harder for her. So even if there isn’t an actual punishment waiting for her, necessarily; Lilith still freaks out and braces for the worst and just feels utterly terrible, because she’s been conditioned to do so.

Especially since Lilith likely has a lot of self-esteem issues about never being good as Eda, always being the lesser sister… As Lilith herself said, Eda may have been star player- But I think Lilith took a lot of solace in being team captain, and believing this role certified her as being at least on Eda’s level when it came to sports, if not above it. So having a definitive match between the two prove once and for all that, yes, Eda IS better at Lilith at Grudgby, just as she’s better at everything else… This realization could’ve really broken Lilith in a lot of ways.

Not to mention, failing the Grudgby game also means failing to bring back Eda- And Lilith has both selfish and altruistic reasons to do so. Lilith wants Eda by her side, and she wants her sister cured; Once again, the chance for this has beaten her. Lilith also wants to protect Eda from Belos, who has begun to crack down on wild witches more as the Day of Unity approaches… So she knows that Eda’s time is running out, in addition to knowing the curse is worsening. To Lilith, she’s not just failing herself on multiple levels- She’s failing her sister once again, and she’s running out of time and chances to make up for her past sins.

It’d also reflect badly on Lilith to the rest of the Emperor’s Coven, as well as Belos and Kikimora… Lilith clearly dislikes Kiki and wants to prove her otherwise- And Lilith still admires Belos and looks up to him a lot. I can see Lilith being grateful to Belos for giving her a chance to prove herself by letting her into his coven, for even bestowing upon her the title of Head Witch (because deep down Lilith feels like she never truly earns anything and it’s given to her only by the grace of others, she only got into the EC because Eda forfeited for her)… And Belos constantly giving Lilith these chances, and being willing to cure Eda and let her into his coven, surely it means he somewhat trusts her- And that again, Belos is doing so much for her.

Lilith would hate to disappoint someone she looks up to, someone who’s clearly setting aside a lot of patience just to put up with her, and she wants to pay them back because she feels undeserving… She’d be failing Belos and his plans, which clearly intend the greater good for the Boiling Isles- So in a way, Lilith is failing the Isles as well… And I wouldn’t be surprised if Lilith realized at some point that her own apprentice was also disappointed in her for the Covention incident. So to Lilith, she’s been a recently increasing stream of disappointment to those who trust her, look up to her, and in some ways hurting those she cares about or feels obligated for.

I imagine Lilith feels like she causes a lot of harm in general, so she seeks to offset this by being a helpful and productive member of society, and probably justifies her participation in Belos’ corruption by believing it’s all for the greater good, which then just contributes to Lilith justifying hurting Eda ‘for her own good’. Lilith wants to think she’s worthwhile, that her continued existence and people’s patience with her is justifiable and will pay off, because clearly she’s put a lot of stock and work into things under the hopes that it’ll all be worth it in the end. Kind of like how Lilith believes it’s okay to curse Eda, because it’ll be worth it when she gets into the Emperor’s Coven- That it’s worth buying into its ideology and being separated from Eda, because one day Eda will join her in their former dream, and be cured!

And as she’s no doubt desperate for approval, Lilith is afraid of not only losing it, but having this replaced with scorn. Lilith doesn’t want to fail someone she admires, someone she thinks actually values her when beforehand she’s never felt approved of; And as Head of the Emperor’s Coven, she is no doubt intimately aware of a LOT of horrible things that happen to wild witches. To people who displease Belos in general… And so while she has so much reason to admire the Emperor, she’s also got plenty cause to fear him as well. Fear of having her position by his side revoked (especially since we see Owl Mask already taking up one themselves), fear of losing support of the one person who tolerated her… Fear of what he could do to Lilith, etc.

Lilith already has every reason to be extremely sensitive of failure and rejection, in addition to her low self-esteem, and other tangible consequences… So what you suggested, about Belos actively punishing Lilith (hopefully it only began after Sense and Insensitivity, as that episode had Lilith act like it’s okay for her to take her time capturing Eda, under the excuse of her sister eventually becoming debilitated by her worsening curse), it is… Honestly pretty terrifying, and not at all out of character for Belos. Especially given how he’s the Emperor, so he’s free to do whatever he chooses to his own underlings, without repercussion- So I could see him being actively worse than Odalia and Alador are to their own kids, which would be saying something!

Given the cult-y vibes of the Emperor’s Coven, I can see Belos further indoctrinating his minions into thinking it’s totally okay for him to harm them as punishment for failure, and even that this is a good and deserved thing- Again, tying back to those parallels of the American school system, which has echoes of the belief that ‘suffering is purifying’. It doesn’t even have to be the entire Emperor’s Coven that is convinced and wrapped up into this sort of abuse- Lilith is already of such low self-esteem that I think she’d believe she deserves it… Maybe even finds a twisted relief in her punishment as cathartic self-harm. Belos gives off ‘Christian Colonizer’ vibes as-is, and there are records of such puritans advocating for this kind of pain as being ‘good’ for a person, so to Lilith it’s her actively atoning and making up for her mistakes, in addition to actually succeeding next time.

And if so, then that is a horrifically abusive relationship, especially since entire generations of witches are already indoctrinated into trusting Belos for having what’s best for them in mind- I mean, the show’s ending credits have a pair of toddlers making a sand castle of Belos’ palace, that’s how deep this propaganda goes! It’d take a lot to unlearn that, especially from someone as entrenched into the Emperor’s Coven as Lilith… And if Eda and Luz were to learn about this, if what you suggested is true- Then in addition to the whole ‘threatening to execute Lilith by nightfall’ bit, and Lilith genuinely thinking she was helping Eda and curing her curse, thus saving her sister from a fate worse than death; I could see them becoming a LOT more sympathetic and forgiving to Lilith, because they just don’t have it in their hearts to be mad at someone who has clearly suffered and been traumatized and manipulated…

I could see Luz maybe even drawing parallels to Amity and her parents, while Eda is just horrified that this is what her sister went through- And maybe she thinks that she should’ve been more there for Lilith, should’ve worked to rescue her older sister if she knew what was going on, even if that meant kidnapping Lilith. And of course, Lilith has reached that point of self-defeat where she insists to Eda that her little sister owes her nothing, and she is right in a sense… But also, Lilith thinks that while Eda owes Lilith nothing, Lilith herself is owed so much pain and punishment, when it’s clear that this sort of thing will only make things worse for someone who’s used to it- So obviously Luz and Eda aren’t going to invest in more suffering for Lilith, because obviously it didn’t teach her to be a kinder and happier person.

So while Lilith is obviously testing their patience in a LOT of ways… Luz and Eda’s natural compassion, in addition to appreciation of Lilith doing the right thing in the end, and having the bravery to defy Belos- I think that’ll help them forgive Lilith, or at least be on better terms with her. Hopefully she can be accepted fully into their family… And that’s assuming Lilith won’t try to bail out of guilt and wanting to protect Eda, to not be a burden, and to just want the comforting isolation away from the constant reminder of her failures in life and as a sister, because at the Owl House, Lilith will constantly be reminded of how Eda was so much better off and happier than her, and that’ll just add to her insecurity at being outdone. Lilith will be reminded of the curse she cast on Eda, and also what she missed out on for so long, and it’ll tear her apart…

And, I can see Lilith actually reveling in her half of the curse as self-punishment for what she’s done, and Eda… While Eda has cautiously accepted this because it IS Lilith making up for the damage she legitimately caused and worsened- She also doesn’t want Lilith to default to martyrdom and self-punishment because she knows that kind of mindset in reaction to failure is abusive and a product of the Coven System. Oof, I’m just suddenly imagining Lilith finding ways to punish herself while at the Owl House, maybe leaving so she can do so uninterrupted, because she’s still enacting the abuse when there’s nobody around to perform it- And the others have to really look out for Lilith and stop her… It’d be incredibly exhausting and tiresome, and just make Lilith feel like even more of a burden.

But in the end, Lilith realized that wallowing in self-pity and punishment for years didn’t help Eda or herself, it just made things worse- It was making just that one decision to change and improve things for the better, that got Lilith the immediate results of a more-repaired relationship with her sister. Sooner or later, Lilith has to pick herself up; All this self-loathing is no doubt exhausting, and she wants something new… Lilith still wants to be with Eda and now she has the chance. If she put in the work serving the Emperor’s Coven under the hopes it’d pay off, maybe she can put in the work of self-improvement under this same principle; Or not, investing in the Emperor’s Coven clearly failed, so why bother?

Well, I imagine Eda’s happiness, time with her, and the fact that Lilith is no longer burning with her worst secret, is a good reason to invest… Because Lilith’s seen actual results for once, so she knows it’ll pay off in the end and she wants more of that happiness and goodness in life. But Titan, it’d probably be terrifying, having to imagine Lilith caught in the attempt of self-harm because she hates herself, she’s trying to secretly get away with it, and Luz/Eda/King are so scared and shocked because of it… And Lilith just insists in a mental breakdown that this is what she deserves, and why can’t they leave her to this because don’t they secretly hate her anyway!? But the others don’t really, that’s why she’s even here- They’re here to be fully transparent with Lilith and not lie and lead her on like Belos did in his abusive, manipulative way.

I’m just imagining the others getting Lilith into a routine of self-care, making her invest into a schedule and productive stuff that keeps her distracted, maybe a hobby or two that makes Lilith feel constructive- Getting her to wean off her self-destructive habits, while Lilith is also obligated to make a promise each day that she won’t relapse and get into some funny business… And then the others can feel safer leaving her alone for longer periods of time, while also validating and rewarding Lilith for her efforts, further incentivizing her to do well… While not punishing her for any failure, further teaching Lilith to not default to that in the first place. Of course Eda would do everything in her power to keep Luz and King free from this responsibility and concerns, but I can see Luz insisting on providing some kind of helping hand- Or at least contributing towards the happier, fluffier moments that are less messy and agonizing for everyone involved.

And wanting to live up to this trust that a kid has in her, to see someone trust in her again after she messed up with Amity- It’ll give Lilith a lot of belief in herself that maybe she CAN do right… And she’s now even got the chance to make amends with Amity, too! Maybe things are getting better… And maybe things ARE improving, because she IS a good person, and the others were right to believe in her- Lilith wouldn’t want to prove them wrong, after all! And if it really brightens her sister’s day to see Lilith become happy again, then… That makes Lilith happy, and finally she’s doing things right, without having to worry about when she messes up.

For once, Lilith can take genuine, true pride in confidence in who she is, and what she does- And finally she’ll invest in the dignity and self-respect to know that she deserves better. Then Lilith can not only spare herself from pain- She can protect her loved ones from it for real this time, instead of always hurting them. For so long Lilith has hurt others trying to do what’s best for them; Now she can do what’s best for them without doing so, because Lilith knows that what’s best for others isn’t pain, but happiness and healing. She can do the right thing, and make up for what may have been Lilith’s original failure that started it all; Not being the protective older sister that Eda needed her to be.

Lilith doesn’t need to fear failure, and she can expect so much from success this time, especially now that it’s within reach; And Lilith knows that she can always change and improve herself to reach it, assuming she isn’t already capable! Eda does believe in the capacity to choose your own destiny and who you want to be, regardless of how you start out or what others dictate. Even if Lilith WAS a terrible person… She has the power to change this, and she’ll certainly make use of this opportunity. Lilith need not resign herself to what she saw as fate, as the inevitability of her decline into despair, or her place in the Emperor’s Coven as ordained by Belos’ hierarchy… Lilith can become who she always wanted to be- A wild witch and a good sister, someone who is happy, fulfilled, and free!

#the owl house #toh #the owl house lilith #lilith clawthorne #toh lilith #the owl house eda #edalyn clawthorne #the owl house belos #emperor belos #emperor's coven #self harm tw #abuse tw #speculation #ask

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convenientalias · 3 years

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I Rate Some Kdramas I’ve Watched by Quality of Whump

A while back I rated every cdrama I’d watched by quality of whump bc it is a main factor about what makes me like a cdrama. Now I’m having a boring evening so I’m back for the sequel: the same thing but for kdramas. Two quick qualifications:

1. Unlike the cdrama post, this is not ALL the kdramas I’ve watched bc there are too many and some of them I can’t really remember. (I’m also not including any kdramas I haven’t finished.)

2. Actually I’m less likely to watch a kdrama solely for whump bc I tend to look also for Suspense or Historical Aesthetic. (why is this more the case with kdramas than cdramas? I Don’t Know.) Anyways, if you’re lucky, you can get at least 2/3 of these things.

Without further ado:

Circle: Two Worlds Connected--I forgot to add this show at first but it is very whumpy. Yeo Jin Goo spends the whole thing looking extremely stressed and it’s a good look on him. People are getting kidnapped! Threatened! Having their memories erased! People are losing their brothers! People are crying! Good whumpy show, 8/10.

Confession--This show was mostly boring and kind of bad but the whump was decent. There was a guy who had a heart transplant whose heart was now having issues. Idk, he fainted a couple times, it was fun. There may have been other whump but it just wasn’t a very memorable show. 4/10.

Extraordinary You--Eun Dan-oh has a chronic illness (I think it’s a weak heart??) which might be more fun for me if I liked girls being whumped, but I’m not super into that. Bad things do happen to Baek-kyung, but it all feels samey and never goes anywhere. Oh, I do feel awful about Dried Squid Fairy’s tragic backstory though. I guess like a 4/10 again.

I Picked Up a Star on the Road--This show’s characters are mostly insufferable but its whump is pretty good actually since it’s centered around a dude getting kidnapped. Played for humor but that’s okay. However, there were characters more worthy of whump than the lead, and the whump was not equally passed around. 5/10, I feel like the vibe of this kidnapping is more kinky than whumpy.

It’s Okay Not to Be Okay--You know what? Sometimes women getting whumped is good when those women are Seo Ye Ji. Bad things happened to other people too but mostly whenever Ko Moon-young’s past or her relationship with her mother came up it was very good whump. 6/10.

The King: Eternal Monarch--This show’s decently whumpy but I somehow don’t feel it. Lee Gon’s father figure dies and he’s separated from his loved ones and all kinds of bad shit happens to him but I don’t care that much about Lee Gon so?? that’s unfortunate. Bad things also do happen to literally everyone else but, idk, it still doesn’t feel super whumpy to me. Two best whumps are poor Eun-sup getting shot and Kang Sin-jae’s ongoing existential crisis. But listen, they should have whumped Jo Yeong and I feel they did not adequately take advantage of the opportunity to do that. 6/10, you could probably make an argument for me to go higher but I don’t want to.

My Country: the New Age--If you’re not watching this show for whump and angst I’m really not sure what you’re watching it for. The history?? The maybe 2.5 minutes of chill per episode? I mean there are lots of pretty people and good ships but the main appeal of them is that everyone’s Suffering (TM). A lot of people get stabbed and/or betrayed. Even the happy scenes feel sad bc you don’t trust them. Ending is tragic and I would usually take off points for mixing tragedy with my whump but I accept it bc it was cathartic. 10/10.

Psychopath Diary--Genuinely I can’t remember if this show had good whump. I feel like if anyone I would have wanted to see Seo In-woo whumped bc he was pretty but I don’t recall that happening much. I think there was some though? 5/10 for “I can’t remember but I want to believe.” This drama probably shouldn’t be on this list but I love it so I’m including it despite my bad memory.

Rookie Historian Goo Hae-ryung--This light-hearted show still crammed a lot of whump in! Dowon gets everything from nightmares to fevers to arrow wounds to traumatic revelations, and Min U-won and Goo Hae-ryung both get arrested at different points and almost killed at others and have tragic backstories as well. Everyone’s fucked up over something but there’s no reason to let that ruin the rom-com/workplace comedy vibes, people. A lovely blend of light tone and still pretty intense whump. 8/10.

Save Me--This show combines the above mood of “I’ll take lady whump if it’s Seo Ye Ji” with a heavy dose of “what if we also whumped Woo Do Hwan? What if.” I don’t really like fiction about cults--they really creep me out--but the whump and the characterization of this show are both incredible, and honestly I feel that it’s a show where the whump and the characterization feed off each other and make each other better. 8/10.

White Christmas--Everything about this show is great, whump included. I mean some of the whumpiest scenes are just very tense chase or fight scenes with kids having mental breakdowns and attacking each other but they’re still good. People are threatened at gunpoint, locked up in dorms, pushed off cliffs, and generally beaten up. There’s a little hurt/comfort too but mostly it’s just hurt. A bad time for everyone except me, the viewer. 9/10.

That’s all, folks. I hope this very official and objective ranking will be helpful to at least someone.

#kdrama #whump

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chalkrevelations · 3 years

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Well. Episode 34 of Word of Honor, and, oh.

(Spoilers. Scroll on by and come back later if you want to watch it unspoiled.)

Oh. No. NO, show. Only A-Xiang is supposed to make me cry, so fuck you, Zhou Zishu, with your SAD LITTLE FACE, oh my god, why don’t you just pull my heart out of my chest, throw it down in the dirt and stomp on it? It would be kinder than having to watch you deal with the implications of whatever it is, precisely, you’ve done to yourself that means you’re expecting to drop dead any day and lose your chance at lifetime happiness with your soulmate but are hiding from everyone. (Well, I guess it’s your turn to be hiding something, because it looks like everyone in the jianghu except you was in on at least some part of Wen Kexing’s plan.)

So, the first thing that struck me in this ep is the way ZZS sits at the table at the post-Hero’s Conference meal drinking session, hunched over, like his bones are made of shattered glass, and here’s the thing: He’s absolutely just had a serious emotional blow. But also, this is a guy who’s terminally ill and in chronic pain, and we saw that repeatedly for about the first two-thirds of the show, and then the emphasis on it kind of slacked off. And I’m thinking now that maybe it wasn’t just slack writing or WKX playing his xiao in the rain through the nights at Four Seasons Manor like the worst emo kid ever that helped, that maybe some of the progression of the deadening of ZZS’s senses might have offered him some relief, but whatever it was, I’m wondering if whatever he’s done now – I presume pulled out those gd Nails - has exacerbated everything all over again. I cannot believe that at least Wu Xi can’t look at the way he’s moving and holding himself at the table and see that he’s not just stone-cold angry and emotionally hurt about being left out of the loop, he’s in physical pain. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s a little like being stabbed in the chest when he gets confirmation that Chengling and WKX were in on WKX’s “death” together while he was in the dark and believed this asshole actually died on him. But I also think we’re getting physical pain ramped up again from him; there’s a hesitation and delicacy of movement that speaks of someone who’s judging their movements and maintaining a high level of control, because if they do make a wrong move, everything could just explode into agony. I also noticed the way he clutches his cup when A-Xiang starts explaining how WKX made a deal with Xie Wang in order to rescue ZZS from Tian Chuang, and I can’t for the life of me figure out if it’s having to hear about WKX finding himself in that position in order to save him, or if it’s A-Xiang calling him “Sick Dude” at a moment when that’s going to press right on one of the tenderest, most vulnerable places. Because, god, everyone else at this table who even knows about his terminal illness still thinks that Wu Xi is going to be able to fix him. And here’s where ZZS apparently is a better person than me, because I don’t know that I wouldn’t have an absolute breakdown and end up throwing it in WKX’s face that if he had just told me what was going on, maybe I wouldn’t be about to drop dead tomorrow and leave him alone for the rest of his life, asshole. But no! His zhiji’s happiness is so important to ZZS, that he’s not going to say a word about it! It’s more important than his own life, that his shidi has been able to avenge his parents while keeping his own hands (relatively) clean of any more sins. He’s going to continue to be there, to be whatever WKX needs him to be, for however few days he has left. I won’t fail you. (Even when you fail me). Here’s the thing though – at some point, you’re going to drop dead, Zhou Zishu. And apparently you’re going to leave WKX completely unprepared for it, so I don’t know that you’re doing him any favors being the one who’s hiding something, this time around. And oh my god, I just realized something – you made him drink three pots of liquor as a punishment – was that to get him so blind drunk he wouldn’t notice the Nails were gone? You realize you have to tell him at some point, right?

ANYWAY, WKX gets sloppy drunk and stumbles into their(? has everyone just given up any pretense at this point?) bedroom, and first of all, can I take a minute to flail over the way ZZS pushes drunk WKX’s hair back off of his shoulder? Can I? Because I rewound and re-watched that 2 seconds of the show three times. But then, then, WKX starts drunken rambling about how happy he is, and how scared he’d been that he wasn’t worthy of ZZS, and tears start welling up in ZZS’s stupid eyes, and WKX starts talking about how finding ZZS made him a whole new person, and ZZS’s stupid precious face gets SO SAD, and I start fucking welling up too, and then WKX talks about his parents and their shifu, and ZZS presses WKX’s head to his chest and gives us his stupid sad little smile, and I’m literally clutching my shirt hem in inarticulate pain and distress by this point, and then ZZS starts to break down as he holds WKX’s hand as WKX finally falls asleep, and he gives that stupid shaky sobbing little gasp, and just UGH. I’m DYING here, show. Also, how did you manage to do this to me with just your face, Zhang Zhehan? I’m not sure I can take the next couple of episodes, when the whole Nails dilemma is sure to come out.

Second big takeaway of this ep is that I just … oh my god. I cannot with you, Xie’er, holy shit. And I say this in a completely loving yet utterly aghast way. Was it absolutely necessary to literally sit on Awful Yifu’s lap? I’m reduced to a state of horrified laughter over the envelope pushing. The absolute fuckery of the power dynamic fluctuations of the Zhao Jing/Xie Wang relationship at this point … it’s something. It’s finally reached a point where it’s so fucky and complex that I may have to go looking for some fic, despite my general desire to punt Awful Yifu into the sun. I do have to say that the whole (one-sided) conversation when Xie’er finally let everything out was super-cathartic. Go off with your unfilial self, Xie’er. Li Daikun has been amazing all through this, and he’s continuing to maintain a perfect balance as we move toward the finish line. I’ve heard he was offered Wen Kexing and supposedly didn’t want to take the role because he didn’t think he was ready for it? And while I absolutely appreciate Gong Jun and the chemistry between ZZS and WKX that he built with Zhang Zhehan, I’m flabbergasted that Li Daikun was able to pull off Xie’er like this, yet thought he couldn’t manage WKX ... and I have to admit, I kind of would like to see what WKX would have been in his hands. I’ve also heard a rumor that they’re talking about maybe filming an origin story for Xie Wang? I … am torn, because on the one hand, more Xie’er, but on the other, more Awful Yifu. Anyway, I think we’re continuing to see a whole tangle of resonances between Xie’er, Wen Kexing, and Zhou Zishu, and the awful men in their lives who helped make them who they are today; there’s something of a contrast between Zhou Zishu, who, maybe significantly, was older and had some grounding from his Four Seasons shifu when he got tangled up with Prince Jin and Tian Chuang and who was willing to gnaw off his own leg to get out of the trap (and only finally struck back because he was forcibly taken back) and the other two, one of whom killed and … dismembered? flayed? his abuser before taking his literal throne, and the other of whom turned his abuser into a muted … piece of furniture? sex toy? before taking his figurative throne. Xie’er is about five steps behind Wen Kexing on a parallel path, and maybe there’s still time for him to untangle some of the fuckery in his head about his awful yifu. But meanwhile, there it is: You failed me. Xie’er, you’re breaking my heart, but I feel like I have to point out, again, this is the guy who is literally responsible for the existence of the Department of the Unfaithful. I did have a brief moment when I was convinced Xie’er was poisoning himself and Awful Yifu in a murder-suicide move, but then we got lap-sitting instead? Which could have made me think we were getting some kind of reversion to wanting to feel safe, like a kid able to (finally) sit in his father’s lap and play at comfort, but then he went and made it – let’s be honest – a little weird.

Last really big takeaway for me from this ep is that A-Xiang and I continue to be simpatico, because lady, I also have a very very bad feeling about Fan Shishu’s absence in this wedding “party” from the Gentle Wind Sword Sect, and watching your dawning realization at the end of the episode when he doesn’t show up and doesn’t show up and doesn’t show up as the group enters only confirmed my suspicions that something is UP. Am I supposed to expect a fakeout to Mo Huaiyang’s haranguing speech to Cao Weining, with a wrap-up of “But since you clearly love her so much and want to be a good influence …” Because I won’t believe it. And I’m not going to be happy or comfortable until we see the back of this asshole, because speaking of somebody who says everything with his face, Mo Huaiyang was NOT happy when Ye Baiyi called off the rest of the Heroes Conference, after his horse in the race had already been completely repudiated and he lost whatever chance he had at gaining power and influence on Zhao Jing’s back. Even if he did come all this way – bearing gifts – just to tell Cao Weining he’s an ungrateful brat and to never darken the door of Gentle Wind Sword Sect, it would still be a jerkass thing to do. But I don’t trust him as far as I could spit, and my only question at this point is whether all of Cao Weining’s shidi who came with him to the wedding are in on whatever bs Mo Huaiyang’s planning to pull.

A couple other random things:

Oh, so A-Xiang’s two moms are going to stay together for the rest of their lives, are they? And Liu Qianqiao is even like, “Loser Boyfriend? I don’t know him.” Followed by a cut to Luo Fumeng and her vaguely smug reaction. I’m dying.

No one’s going to say anything about this random body that Wen Kexing used for his plan? Just, you know, went to the store or something and picked out a random body? I realize it’s very late in the game to be getting moralistic about the adorable merciless killers, but come on, man. I also think we have once again overused the infodump. I realize we only have 35 episodes, but some of this explanation of WKX’s very complex plan should have been shown, not told. Anyway, cue series of flashbacks to finally explain how the whole Rube Goldberg plan was put in place, and ah-hah! WKX, himself, talked to Chengling ahead of time. I notice that in that flashback scene and the one when he talks to Ye Baiyi, he’s prominently still wearing That Hairpin, so we’ll realize this all got set into motion before ZZS was rescued and brought home.

Finally, why has everyone seem to have forgotten (still) about that KEY that WKX was waving around? No one’s going to mention it? Really?

And now, I think I’m going to fortify myself with some bourbon for the next ep.

#zhou zishu #wen kexing #xie wang #zhao jing #gu xiang #word of honor #word of honor episode reax

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notasdriedapricots · 3 years

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The Tender Trap: The Origin Story

This is just pretty much a disclaimer for the disaster that’s coming.

I TALK A LOT OMG HOW DID YOU KNOW? Here's a TL;DR: -The Tender Trap is canon as shit, because I never intended to write a fic, and much less to publish it, but one thing lead to the other and I ended up kinda liking it. I love them so much. There's quite a lot added to it, but there's still a fair bit of the original thing in there, because again, that was the original goal. -However, if you think there's too much still there, let me know! I think I've modified it enough, but that's only my opinion. -If you catch technical mistakes, grammatical errors, weird vocabulary... let me know! English is my second language. -There's an after-villa sequel in the oven that has more angst (the game doesn't leave much space for that) and honestly is more fun. Or at least I've been having so much fun with it. I have to finish it first, though. I might hate it by the end, but we'll see. -Funny story: It was untitled for months. The day I randomly found a title while listening to Ella Fitzgerald, I kinda decided to 'fuck it, just upload it somewhere'. And so here we are. That was literally yesterday. -The first real chapter will likely be posted on AO3 on Thursday/Friday, depending on how much longer I keep messing with it :D

800 words of me rambling under the cut. How annoying is that.

I transcribed the whole goddamned game. In past tense instead of present, mind you. As one of the most popular memes in my country preaches: Why? There is no 'why'?

Well, there is. Just for clarification, that transcription is not what I will be posting. I'm not that dumb. No, I wanted to add nuances to the story without altering it, so I used what the game gives us as the skeleton. I wanted to see if I could make nonsense dialogue and the whole amnesia deal make sense by turning it into inside jokes, sarcasm, and anxiety. (Prosody is a wonderful thing). I tried my best to not contradict what has been explicitly said, regardless of how. much. I. wanted. to. change. it. That was the challenge, to reframe it so it made sense. Did it interfere with the 'creative process'? Nah, it was pretty fun, and I work well with a structure in place. The post-villa thing is way freer and oh god it's so over the place I have to put some order to that I don't even know where it's going but I found out I love writing domestic shit and I LoVe Lucas' mother.

This idea lead up to extending some scenes, adding others I felt were missing, composing internal monologues... And I ended up writing fiction again after like ten years. Which is not a "take it easy on me" card, by the way. Be ruthless, I can take it, mainly because I did this just for fun. I know I'm rusty, what's new? I know it mainly shows in the first chapters because the game forces a pace that's too fast and too slow at the same damn time and there's only so much my brain can do. I might rewrite them at some point, who knows. Also English is not my first language, so I can only hope there's something that sounds hilarious in there somewhere that you can point out so we can laugh about it. Let me know! I've loved this language since I was three, I want to use it properly. Also punctuation is sometimes different (commas and the necessity of explicit pronouns in English are a pain in the ass compared to Spanish) so you're welcome to correct that as well if you catch a mistake. So I don't intend to put myself at the same level as some of the fantastic writers in this fandom; you keep writing art, I'm just here for shits and giggles, and because this was insanely fun for me.

But going back. I started getting sidetracked, as I tend to do when I write, as you can see, so I had to get the scissors and cut those parts that weren't adding much to the main plot (telling Gary to apologize to Marisol is very nice but this chapter is already over 8000 words long, SIR) to make room for other parts that needed more depth, so amongst other things we have the emotional breakdown and apology we deserve after CA (or at least one that makes me feel bad, I don't know) and a lot of chats so these two actually get to, you know, know each other? Oh, and smut, ejem. Yeah. That.

In between I wrote half the after-villa sequel, canons for Liz, headcanons for Lucas, (head)canons for them together, pages and pages of questions and answers from both of them, fashion headcanons, families and exes, best friends; I put together pinterest folders with pictures of so (so) many people, clothes, apartments; I even wrote a musical episode where Liz has a karaoke battle with her ex in a jazz joint that's one of my favourite things because the songs are just *chef's kiss* I mean, Liz singing 'Cry me a river' is so cathartic... Anyway I started adding shit, mostly thoughts, to the game's dialogue, and it ended up in this abomination that never intended to be anything but fun. I'm not particularly proud of the first couple chapters because the cut/don't cut thing looking at the wordcount, trying to decide if I butchered the original dialogue, reduced it to a general paragraph, or pretend the scene never happened, all while having a chapter that was too short to split into two (or that would have one of them containing too little new stuff) but so long to be just one... was painful. I'm still dealing with that as I tweak the next chapters, but as soon as I have a somewhat definitive word/chapter count, I'll let you know. Just know that it's long, so do with that what you will.

SO, welcome. Take a seat, help yourself to a drink, and stay for as long as you like. When I got into this I went to the ball, so now I'm just dancing.

#TTT #dont say i didnt warn you #lets gooo

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honestlyhufflepuff · 4 years

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Mr. Universe Breakdown

I just had a lot of feelings about tonight’s episodes, so come with me while I attempt to process them.

Ice cream and pie for dinner is great, but you can kind of tell Steven is eating it more for his dad’s sake than his own.

The entire "Dear Old Dad" callback is so sweet, imma cry.

I love how Steven is this nearly adult drool-snoring with his mouth wide open in Greg's van and Greg still looks at him like he's the cutest child ever.

Alright, this expression with that weak laugh was the first hint we get that Steven is not totally into this. He's trying, but it's getting wearing.

Trying on tacky convenience store sunglasses and Greg noping out of the bathroom were peak moments.

Matching icons, anyone??

Greg, you live in a van, how are your standards that high?

Also, I wasn’t expecting Guacola to have a callback. No redemption arc for that abomination of a beverage.

“Dad, you’re rich, you don’t have to steal!”

I love how Steven just immediately assumes his dad is taking him to steal stuff. I’m doing this react on my second watch through, but I immediately knew this was the house Greg grew up in.

There’s a picture of the barn in the hallway! And a “Love Lives Here” sign. Oh no, is that this Universe’s equivalent to “Live, Laugh, Love?” Here I thought Greg avoided his parents because they were toxic or abusive, but it turns out they’re probably just super lame and cramped his style.

“Sorry for breaking into your lovely home. You seem like such nice people, with excellent tastes.”

First watch through, I totally thought this was a sarcastic little teen snark comment. Because come on. This decor is the quintessential representation of dated-grandparent-mild-hoarder-chic. On my second watch through, this seems utterly genuine. This house represents a peaceful, happy, stable life that Steven’s never known, and that he thinks he never will. He has so much longing to take in every single detail, before he even knows the people who live in that house are related to him. I had to take a break after writing that sentence because I got emotional.

He is more than strong enough to forcibly stop his dad from “stealing,” or to demand an explanation from him, but instead he goes off to write an “i’m srry we broke into ur house lol” note. Seems like he wanted a justifiable reason to explore this house.

Steven thinks later in the ep that Greg rejected a perfect life, but why would the parents not open any of Greg’s letters? Do they know about Steven? Do they care? It seems like they would care quite a bit, given that all of Greg’s memories have been preserved throughout the house, and yet no pictures of Steven, which tells me they don’t know about him. It’s not lost on me that Greg uses a PO box so they can’t find him (also because he still lives in a van). Is Greg repeatedly sending them checks so he feels he doesn’t owe them anything, and they are just refusing to cash them? I have so many questions.

Alright, so Steven is SO EXCITED to see Greg’s childhood memories. So excited to see his roots. To see his own connection to his human heritage. And Greg just shuts it down.

Way back in “Gem Harvest,” Greg saw how desperate Steven was to make a relationship with Uncle Andy work. And yet Greg did nothing to expose him to other human relatives.

In his attempt to grant Steven “freedom,” he just bound him and lived through him in a different way than his own parents did. If Steven’s upbringing was really about freedom more than Greg projecting his own issues, then Steven would have been given the option to have grandparents in his life. He would have gotten to decide if he liked meatloaf every Thursday and been given the chance to take road trips to their warm, lived in little house. It is a huge, glaring mistake that Greg never gave Steven that chance, especially after seeing how much he loved Andy.

“Leave that junk behind.”

Greg found the one memory he was looking for, and paid no attention to what Steven was drawn to.

“I get it, Steven. When I was just little Gregory Demayo I was going through the motions. Doing what everybody else wanted.”

And yet that’s exactly what he’s having Steven do. He’s literally having Steven walk in his footsteps to find himself in the same way he did, and he’s so lost in his own nostalgia that he’s not understanding that the reason that path worked for him was because he chose it. Steven’s way of breaking free and finding himself might end up being horribly boring and domestic to Greg, since that was something he never knew growing up.

This song is pretty tight, but Steven is not feeling it. Read the room, Greg. It’s like that “who wants to go a ROAAAAD TRIPPP??” line all over again.

“I don’t need this song, I need what you had...they can’t have been worse than mom’s family. I went half way across the galaxy for them, and THIS was right here??”

PREACH, Steven! He has always been so desperate for family. I’m getting so frustrated with Greg for denying him that choice because of his own hangups with authority figures.

Steven: You’re just like mom!

Greg: You grew up with actual freedom!

Steven: I grew up in a van!

Oh geez, stuff is about to go down. The leak did not prepare me for this moment.

“My problem isn’t that I’m a gem! My problem is that I’m a UNIVERSE!”

And here we see Steven shift from blaming his mom for everything, to blaming his dad for everything. And it’s so cathartic, honestly. It’s hard to be mad at Greg because he’s just so sweet and gentle, and rarely gets angry back at someone even when they are angry at him. And he genuinely loves the crap out of Steven. Even with all that, however, he is not blameless. And Steven has a right to call him out on that.

Scene breakdown: The driver’s side is totally crushed. The impact is enough that Steven was unconscious while Greg pulled him out of the car, and while he called for a tow truck. Think of all the impacts Steven hasn’t been knocked unconscious for, including all those hits from Jasper in the very next episode. If he was a normal human, Steven would have died on impact here. His gem probably was working overtime rapidly healing multiple fractures and internal bleeding in his brain.

And here’s where Steven starts to tune Greg out. I can’t help but see a parallel to when Aquamarine/Bluebird gets so annoyed with Steven’s relentless positivity.

I guess the talent of delivering all those cheesy motivational pep talks came from Greg. You know what, though? Forced positivity is just widening the divide between them at this point. Steven is not in a positive place right now, and he did his best to express why, but instead of owning up to anything Greg is just chalking it up to him “going through a hard time right now.” On the surface he appears sympathetic, but his response is ultimately condescending and invalidating.

And in the background he just talks about eating ice cream for more meals, like that’s going to fix everything. Like Steven didn’t just tell him that was the opposite of what he needed.

Even at this moment Greg never offers to connect him with his human family, when Steven has very clearly stated that’s what he wants.

I never would have thought a simple scene deleting a photo would be so tense. The building music, continuing to make Greg seem further away. The tired, bitter look in Steven’s eyes. This is like a villain origin story wtf.

Steven is slowly running out of people who he feels he can connect with. At the start of SUF it was the gems, and then it was Connie, and now it’s Greg. With that deleted photo he’s decided that Greg is no longer worth confiding in. He’s just another person who won’t listen.

I thought this scene would be the most painful one I saw tonight, until I saw Fragments...

#mr. universe #suf spoilers #su meta #su analysis #su reaction #steven universe

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crmsfanfiction · 3 years

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Second Chances-Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Broken Promises

3 am and Willa was still awake. She’d cried twice more since her initial breakdown in her uncle’s arms. Both times had been cathartic for her. She had finally stopped crying and was instead trying to sleep, but every time she closed her eyes she saw him in bed with someone else. She knew he was probably wondering where she was. In fact she was sure he’d tried to call her and text her multiple times. She just couldn’t bring herself to check. She didn’t want to hear his voice. She didn’t want to hear his lies and the concern in his voice for her.

Realistically she knew they needed to sit down and talk, make a clean break of it, but the pain was still to close to the surface. It was too soon. She knew she would not handle it well. Tomorrow she would send him a message. She would tell him that she saw him and that she was done. They were done. She doesn’t need a man like him in her life. While everyone thought they were perfect for each other, everyone was wrong. She would not forget what he did. She might forgive him someday, but she would never trust him again. That was broken for good.

Thinking back to when she first met him in 2010 made her smile sadly. They had locked eyes across the cafe. Grey eyes and brown. He had walked over to her and introduced himself as Tony. They talked for hours that night. It was easy. It was simple. She fell hard for him. He asked her out on a proper date and that was it. They were inseparable. They moved into together 6 months later into a dinky apartment while she finished nursing school. 18 months later he asked her to marry him and they bought the house. They had built a life together. She as a nurse in the ICU and him trying to get published. He was working as a waiter in the mean time.

Anthony Malstrom was supposed to be her happily ever after. Her knight in shining armor, but turns out he was just a toad in tin foil. An impostor. They had carefully planned out their wedding. Everything was paid for and ready to go. In two months she should have become Mrs Malstrom, but now she was laying in bed heartbroken and numb. Closing her eyes Willa felt more tears slip down her face as thoughts played more memories.

She had finally fallen into a fitful sleep, when someone bounced on her bed waking her up with a giggle. Grinning tiredly Willa knew who was in her bed. It was Little man. Pretending to stretch she grabbed him and tickled his belly causing him to shriek in laughter. Opening her eyes she gathered him close and hugged him. This was a good way to wake up, even if she didn’t sleep much the night before. Sending him out of the room, Willa got up and headed for the bathroom. She stared at herself in the mirror and nearly didn’t recognize herself. Dull gray eyes, lank auburn hair. Dark circles under her eyes. Pain etched on her face, in the lines that weren’t there yesterday.

Willa used the bathroom quickly and washed her hands. She pulled her hair up into a low pony tail as she headed downstairs to the kitchen and the smell of coffee drifted into her nose. She sat down at the table as a cup of liquid bliss was set in front of her. Inhaling deeply, she smiled at Robert and nodded her thanks. She reached for the sugar and dropped two teaspoonfuls in and stirred quickly.

“Hey Willabee. How ya holding up?” asked Susan as she looked up from feeding Princess her breakfast. Willa shrugged as she sipped her coffee. Susan looked up at her husband and nodded her head when he raised his eyebrows.

“Ok Willa. Time to get into the shower. You’re coming to set today. No moping around the house. You got an hour before we have to leave. Scarlett is dying to see you again. I told her you were in town for a few days.” Robert said as he turned to her clapping his hands. Willa sighed and nodded as she headed upstairs to jump in the shower. It would be nice to see Scarlett again and maybe spend some time with her adorable little girl.

After her shower and some make-up to cover the dark circles Willa felt slightly more human again. Anyone could still see the absolute sadness in her eyes and the heartache she in her stance, but she looked better as she slid into Robert’s car with him. She had dressed in a pair of shorts and a tank top. Opting to throw her hair up in a ponytail and sliding on a pair of sunglasses. She had completed the look with a pair of black sneakers.

“Looking better Willabee. Ready to go? Today is going to be good. Everyone is going to be on set and I know several are looking forward to seeing you again.” Robert said as they drove towards the lot. He had given her the permanent pass to get onto the lot whenever she wanted too.

“What movie are you filming? Another Avengers?” Willa asked as they pulled into the lot.

“Actually a Captain America movie. This one is called Civil War.” Robert replied as they got out of the car and headed to his camp of trailers. Willa nodded, like she knew what he was talking about. She had avoided watching most of the Marvel movies. It was always weird to her to see people she knew in real life on screen. She had attempted to watch Iron Man 1 back in 2008, but it was so strange to see her Uncle Bob on screen, that she had to turn it off. So far the only movies of the MCU she’d been able to fully watch and enjoy was the first two Thor movies.

“I am heading to hair and make-up, feel free to pick a trailer and chill or wander around. You know how these sets work. Scarlett’s trailer is like five down on the left hand side. Buttercup might be there.” Robert said as he dropped a kiss on Willa’s forehead and walked away. Tossing her purse in Robert’s main trailer, Willa headed out in search of coffee. Finding the liquid gold she poured a cup and inhaled deeply. She had always loved the smell of coffee. It reminded her of someone she knew years ago. They had always smelled of coffee, cigarettes and mint.

Willa wasn’t paying much attention to where she was walking, when she ran into a brick wall. “Damn Evans what the hell are you lifting? You’re even bigger than the last time I saw you.” Willa said as she looked up into the blue-green eyes of Captain America himself Chris Evans. He grinned and hugged her.

“Hey Willa. Robert said you were in town. How you doing?” Chris asked as he gently pulled her with him as he resumed walking towards the set. He could tell something was going on with her. Robert hadn’t gotten into details about why she was in town, but he seemed concerned about her and asked Chris and Scarlett to watch out for her.

“Doing as well as can be expected. Found Tony in bed with someone else. Now it’s over. The wedding is off.”

Chris stopped short at her confession about Tony cheating on her. He had met Tony a couple years ago and he seemed to be a genuinely nice guy. He had been warm and kind. They had even hung out a few times since, when Chris wasn’t busy filming. Both seemed to be besotted with each other. He was supposed to be going to their wedding in a couple months. Wrapping his arms around Willa, Chris hugged her tightly. She melted into his hug. “I’m sorry. He is a fool.” He whispered against her hair. She nodded, not trusting her voice and she didn’t want to cry again.

“So what scene are you filming?” Willa asked as she pulled away from Chris and headed towards the set.

“Fight scene as always. Have you even watched the other movies?” Chris replied as he steered her towards two other men. Willa shook her head and then stopped short when a voice from the past said something. Willa touched Chris’ arm and smiled as she turned to head the other direction. She wasn’t ready to see him. It would bring back some memories that she didn’t want to think about yet.

“Hey I’m going to see if I can find Scarlett. See you later Evans.” Willa said as she turned on her heel and quickly headed back the way they had come from. Never noticing the steel blue eyes watching her leave. She found her way back to Uncle Bob’s camp and grabbed her phone out of her purse. Taking a deep breath she turned it back on and waited for it to stop buzzing from all the missed calls and text messages she had. 15 missed calls from Tony. 25 missed texts from various friends and family.

She deleted all the voicemails without listening to them and quickly texted back friends and family. She finally texted Tony telling him she was fine, but that she’d seen him with the other woman and that she didn’t want to see or hear from him until she was ready to talk face to face. She told him that she would contact him in a few days when she was ready. He sent one text to apologize and then nothing after that. He knew he’d messed up.

“Mina?” Willa stiffened at the voice. Only one person had ever called her that. Not many people knew her full first name was Wilamina. Even Uncle Bob always just used Willa when he was yelling at her.

“Baz.” Willa said as she turned to face him. She refused to look him in the eyes, knowing if she did the memories of their time together a decade ago would come back and she wasn’t ready to unpack that box yet. It had taken a year before she could even hear his name spoken without wanting to burst out crying. He was why she’d avoided watching to first two Captain America movies. She had avoided all his movies after The Covenant. Of course she avoided that movie now too. It brought up to many memories from on set and off.

“How are you Mina?” Sebastian asked softly as he stood looking at a shell of the woman he knew a decade ago. He was surprised to see her walking on set with Evans. He almost didn’t recognize her. Her hair was shorter and her eyes held none of the fire he was used to seeing in them. Evans had said she was in a bad way. Something about her fiance and cheating. He had tuned out as memories flooded back. Memories that he’d thought were locked away in the deepest recesses of his mind.

“If you don’t mind, I’d rather you left. I have nothing to say to you.” Willa said as she closed the door to the trailer she’d been using when he walked up to her and locked the door. Sliding down to the floor Willa bit back a sob as the memories flooded back. The memories of stolen kisses, long sleepless nights wrapped in each others arms. The smell of coffee, cigarettes, and mint. Him walking away and breaking her heart. Her not stopping him from leaving. Promises whispered in the dark. Promises broken in the light of day.

Sebastian walked away from the trailers head hung low. It was no more than he deserved, her ire. Her refusal to speak to him. He never should have let them convince him to walk away from her. It was his biggest regret. He had been weak. Easily convinced she didn’t love him as he did her. A memory came to him of a promise that he’d broken the day he walked away. A promise to never lie to her.

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Author’s Note: Sebastian isn’t her fiance, but he did break her heart. Who convinced him to leave her? Feedback appreciated. Constructive criticism encouraged. Flames will be used to keep plot bunnies warm this winter.

#sebastian stan #sebastianstanxofc #sebastian stan slow burn #sebastian stan angst #sebastian stan fluff #sebastian stan smut #robert downey jr #rdj #chris evans #tom holland #scarlett johansson

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septembersghost · 3 years

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looking at my askbox, there are three separate anons there right now (two of whom have warring opinions, it really is fascinating to me how much all of our perspectives vary), and I’m not entirely comfortable posting what’s been written in full context, so forgive me for answering them in this way -

♥ anon 1: I appreciate reading your thoughts and am here for any and all discussion, angsty, angry, warm, or otherwise, so please know you can speak your mind. the one thing I won’t do is publicly post character hate (except for that one time I ranted about that one character, but we don’t talk about that >___>). and this is just a me thing, really! everyone is free to say and do whatever they want on their own blogs, especially grappling with this like we all are, it’s understandable!

my stumbling block with it is multifold. for one, when I actively, publicly participate in that negativity on my own page, it seeps into the little crevasses of my brain and begins to leech away my enjoyment of the story. this might not matter so much if I weren’t still braving a rewatch, but since I am, I’d rather...not focus on specific character dislike (since I can’t help but thrash around when the writing itself slashes at my wounds), and just be at home for a while. in truth, my very obvious bias notwithstanding, this really is a story where I care about SO many of the characters for different reasons, even despite the times when they might upset me, and I’ve been seeking reminders of that when possible. this doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear what you have to say or that it isn’t valid! the absolute raw nerve posts that I have here from the worst part of the breakdown were cathartic/necessary, but I’m trying to cope in a less damaging way atm.

the second reason, and the larger one (from me and my overly sensitive heart) is that I know I have mutuals/followers who might love a certain character, and I know how hurtful it can be to see one of your favorites attacked, and I never want to add to that hurt. heaven knows I can be critical and aching and mad too, things I’ve written here certainly indicate that, friends that have sat through my bitter rantings know it too lol, and I’m not denying that at all, but since this is such a tiny haven for me, I want it to be safe for other people as well. I’d tell you we can rant all day in private messages, but I know you want to stay anonymous and I respect that. 💚 so I’ll listen any time!

♥ anon 2: you wrote, in part: “Just had a dive into your dean takes & fell in love with every single one,” and I need you to know that means the world to me. then you explain why you can’t follow me, and that’s fine, please take care of yourself first. I’m very sorry you’re suffering. even though our grief is different, it stems from the same place of abiding love and I empathize with your hurt.

you concluded: “alas I will love you + your dean love from afar until some of these wounds heal & the bitterness fades. Take care, dear heart.” I hope with time some of those wounds and that bitterness does fade for you (I hope that for all of us), because it causes me such deep sorrow knowing this story was taken from anyone who found themselves or a consoling/worthwhile place along its road. thank you for your kindness, you can always stop by and visit if you want to, and I’m sending soft wishes back to you. 💙

♥ anon 3: who sent me a bunch of rather specific little ficlets...that was unexpected, but I appreciate the distraction? phew. (and then the last one made me cry my eyes out?! love my boy so, so much.) 💖 thank you.

also to beautiful friends who have sent me non-anon messages, I am SO sorry for being bogged down and behind (as ever), colliding real life factors have not been helping me with keeping on top of things, but please remember you’re treasures, and even when I’m bad at responding, I’m here for you.

my blog’s metaphorical garden gate is always open, and I’m sending love to each of you.

#anonymous #letterbox #i envision you all as different colored heart emojis #usually i'd post anything but i'm trying to be careful on certain subjects and i hope you understand <3

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spacegaywritings · 4 years

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Of shared Passions and shed Tears - Oneshot

Ship: familial Remile x Virgil Summary: Remy and Emile have been married for a long while but it has not been that long ever since they adopted Virgil. Remy comes home one day to find their child a crying and sniffling mess but instead of just comforting them, they cherish their family together and bond because Remy is the opposite of a neglectful parent. Virgil uses he/him + they/them and is genderfluid (as well as a stimming ADHD nerd) ao3 ; Words: 3051 My KoFi - Support me ♥ or Commission me

Story under the cut:

It was a rather comfortable Thursday afternoon in a cozy suburban area. Everything was peaceful as you would expect and want it to be. The sun was lazily stretching itself over the horizon in its warm bath of orange petals and reddish flakes.

The houses seemed to be in a late autumn slumber, barely moving and in a half daze. Everything was slow, moving not at all or just lethargically so. The world was captured in a film playing in slow motion.

But there was movement, there was trouble. It was just hiding away like a sneaky snake, planning and conspiring against them all. Ready to destroy the peace, ready to hit each stable emotion and crash it into pieces. The predator was waiting to strike at the right moment when its prey was falling victim to its own trust in the comfort of a world that was colder and crueler than it seemed to be, despite the warmish glows the sun spared on the area.

It felt like an idyllic scene. Clearly, this was painted to be someone’s desktop background. It had a great resolution and spiked harmony within the observer.

But hidden in one of the warm houses, an emotion was stirring up. There was a world, a whole storm of feelings. Intensity, depth, wails and waves of rapid changes in mood and situations.

It was the fictional world of Stellaris. Virgil was sitting on the couch, clutching a pillow and watching the latest episodes. He watched them. Again.

One of the protagonists was going through a lot of issues and they were having a breakdown. Virgil mirrored the issues on the small TV as they hugged the pillow close to them and wailed silently.

“But why would you do that?”, he asked.

His words echoed through the emptiness of the universe. It was like speaking in an abandoned church and he was just as likely to receive a response. Another sob wrecked through his body, shaking his ribs and making his throat vibrate as he let out another pained whine.

It was just fiction. HE knew it. His brain was convinced that he had just put on the same DVD again so it was clearly not reality. Hell, the whole world this was playing in was so far from reality that it was clearly impossible for these events to replay but still.. Still, his heart was bewitched to believe all that was happening before hi eyes to be the one and only truth he had ever known.

It was heartbreaking, agony-inducing and absolutely nerve-wrecking .. but at the same time, it was cathartic. In some way, at least. His emotions seemed to receive a ritual of purification as Virgil started sobbing once more, actual tears glistening in his greenish eyes.

“Please don’t go”, he begged.

Their voice was miserable and the pleads elicited nothing more than a one-sided conversation. He would never get an answer, not that he wanted to or had to. Virgil already knew what would happen but they did not like it.

The protagonist went. Oh fuck, they just went along. Why did they do that.

“Nu!”

Virgil cried out and took ahold of a nearby tissue box just to swing it at the TV. His motivation was just weak enough to just let the box mildly grace the screen before sliding down miserably. Even his attempts at rage were extinguished by the sheer hopelessness of the scene.

“Why would you go, you dumb fuck! They trusted you!”

The blonde flopped down onto his back. Painful squeezed rattled his body as his heart sulkily beat in a special rhythm made for heartbreak only. It was like the running engine of a dying car. Virgil would be terrified if his whole attention was not focused on one of the main characters leaving the country - as well as their potential lovers.

The whole light of the show, the colour and all heart left the show and it made Virgil’s soul suffer sympathetically. It was like autumn, all life was sucked away in fear of winter taking it all away. A bit like getting sick, energy was scarce and every bit of feeling and movement seemed to immediately use up all the last pieces of stored energy.

The love interests were talking by now. Dejected and fearful, they hugged and Virgil could not help but curl around his friend-shaped pillow and make sure he was hugging the remorse out of himself. It was not like he had committed the mistake of taking it too far at once but at the same time he had and he blamed himself along with the protagonists.

The tears slowly started making their way through. When the interior monologue of the leaving character started, Virgil could not help but let out another tirade of helpless sobs and silent pleads.

It hurt so much to go through all this rejection just to reject others... to protect oneself.

They were crying so much, they did not notice dad #2 come in until he was being shaken by his shoulder.

“Virgil? Virgilius Thanathel Picani, what the fuck is wrong?!”

The kid flinched and pulled the pillow off their face. Remy was instead their, a face of tragedy right there.

“Dad?”

Virgil hummed and nudged the other so he could sit up. Once dad #2 made space, the teen cuddled up next to him and grabbed the remote to stop the show. The heartbreak was too intense and he could basically taste the worry from Remy’s face in his own thoughts. It was tangible.

“m okay”, they mumbled as they let their head rest on Rem’s shoulder. If it was not for them to be all curled up, their heads would bonk together since Virgil was a bit taller than his dad #2. Dad #1 was just tall as fuck and it was illegal, to be candid.

“Virgil, what is wrong, why are you crying?”

The blonde hugged his dad from the side and he did not hesitate to return the hug and give the child a bit of the sweet medicine that is physical love and affection. It was warm. Their heart felt warm.

The teen mumbled something incoherently into his shoulder and shook his head. It felt like rubbing the bad feelings out of Remy’s chest when he knew that his child was crying.

A cold fear was scratching within him and it was rough, used and abused.

“Can you repeat that maybe? I promise you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to but you can if you want to.” Remy gently brushed the hair out of his face, some of these blonde strands sticky with saltiness and sadness. “I just want to help, darling.”

Virgil’s arms around him squeezed him a bit more and Remy’s heart was about to shatter like a thin cup of glass that was to be dropped onto the hard surfaces of the roads.

“People are so dumb”

The teen’s voice was faltering a bit, squeaky in a sense that the cries made it sound raw and somewhat ... on edge. It was neither composed nor soft and careful as always. Virgil’s voice sounded much like a wound someone just re-opened and rubbed over instead of applying something to speed up and support the damage done to the skin.

A part of dad #2 just cherished that Virgil did not the instinctive nickname he had given him. Another part of him was stricken with the worry of him the blonde suffering from bullying and other issues. And it had been so long after school and here he was, suffering and sobbing.

“Well, of course they are, Virgil.”

Should he say more?

The kiddo cleared their throat and shifted a bit but remained in a rather curled up position, still compressing their actual height. They were just a small ball of soft pleas and little sniffles at the moment. With all the weight and closeness, Remy felt as if he was holding a treasure, a living miracle in his arms. A wonder of creation he needed to protect at all costs but the responsibility and conditions were vague at best.

“Why are people so dumb?”

Virgil sighed and rubbed his eyes, allowing themself to retreat to the corner of the couch once more. The adult let him go, eyes hidden behind a pair of sunglasses which he quickly removed in favour of properly looking at his kid.

“It is just, like, you know. Is that drama there on purpose, do they do it just to make it even harder?”

Remy blinked. That sounded like a very deep conversation. This, indeed, seemed like a situation in which he was all in the mess already and now had to figure out how to soothen out everything that has happened so far. It was like taking over the wheel for someone who did not drive quite as well as yourself but they actually are in a sort of complex situation so you have to figure out where they stand and how to best get out of it without hurting anyone.

If he said a wrong word, that would be like straight-up driving into a truck. Without even looking. Without insurance either. Or about anything to cover up for the damages and other consequence he might cause with his inconsiderate and hot-headed behaviour.

“What happened, what is wrong?”

Virgil curled up with his blanket by now, offering one end to Remy who hesitated just for a moment before taking it and shifting closer. They were sharing a blanket. This was a real deal. This was a higher level of parenting by now.

This was some big big trust level.

“You know, so, there are these people and they would make such a good ship and they are made for one another and one of them is just so scared that they all up and left and the others are left aside and what if they will not get together at all? I mean, I mean”

He took a deep breath, steadying himself. The kid was cuddling a pillow again but still leaning their head against his shoulder. Brushing the pillow, they breathed with more ease. They sounded less hasty, less as if they were running away from a big stone rolling after them.

Was that stimming?

Em had talked about it...

His fingers fidgeted a bit more and the blonde shifted his head over to Remy’s chest. It just stayed. It stayed in trust and silence.

“Look”, he pointed at the screen and pushed a hard object into Remy’s lap. A DVD case.

“They could be so happy together and they just gotta be so dramatic about it. I mean, I get it but they have so much trust and shit and why are they freaking out so much over words. It is just a word, it will not change a thing, why would it change a thing after all?”

He patted the pillow with both hands and let out a deep sigh.

Remy clicked his tongue.

“Are you talking about a show?”

He glanced over the case and read the title.

Stellaris.

Huh, he remembered Emile talking to him about it. He probably just had gotten it for them since they talked about ordering it online. But were those not some books?

“It is not just the show! The show was just released and it is now on terms with the books! Look, look!”

Virgil shifted up again, their head removing itself from Remy’s chest and he spared another peek at his kid as they flapped their hands a bit. When they leaned down to grab something, their body was slightly bouncing up and down like a dull bouncing ball.

The blonde got up and pushed a whole stack of books into Remy’s lap. With all these pastel books and a whole case of DVDs on his thighs, dad #2 had to act quick and pull these items closer, making sure his arms prevented them all from falling.

“Books, oh yes. I remember you getting these books from the library not too long ago. You read all of them?”

Virgil’s head bopped up and down in rapid succession.

“Of course! They are easy to read! This is not a maths textbook or anything!”

Remy chuckled at the statement and let his gaze travel down to the moving toes of his kid. It was adorable to see physical signs of him getting passionate about certain things. Whenever they were happy, they would flap their hands or bounce and it was a delight to the eye, no matter what other people would say. It just made Remy want to hug them. He was blessed to see actual indicators of Virgil’s mood and be able to help him when he needed it or know that he did a good thing and made them incredibly happy.

It was also an amazing implication of nervousness every now and then. Again, some people might be annoyed but for Remy, it was facilitated communication. He did not understand it all but he got the cues most of the time and only needed to react and figure it out from there.

As he did at that moment. Sure, dad #2 did not know what Virgil had felt at first but he now knew he was excited, happily even so ! Now, the man could make sure to attend to whatever the teenager hyperfixated on.

He glanced over the DVD and flipped it so he could read the description. Huh, a fantasy world. Rebellion. Oppression. No wonder Virgil liked it. For a moment he wondered whether his friends Remus and Eden had inspired him to like this..this piece of entertainment.

“It sounds interesting”, he commented and put the case aside.

“I still don’t get much of what this show is about - or the books.”

He shrugged and picked up the books so he could identify the right one to pick. There, volume 1. The smaller man started reading the back of it.

“In a postw-”

“Nooo”, Virgil whined and pressed his whole body against Remy, effectively blanketing dad #2 with his whole weight. “You need to look insideeeee”

“Okay okay! Gee, Virgil”

The man couldn’t help but chuckle again and he surrendered the book to the human piece of blanket on him. Blonde blanket kid took the book and skipped through it they were a few pages into it.

“Okay, now lookie here, Ri!”

Virgil cleared his throat and actually stayed still for long enough so Remy could take his turn of holding the book. There were illustrations of characters. Probably the ones from the show/books. After all, upon glancing at the TV, he could see a person with similar facial features as the person in one of the drawings.

“That is one of the protagonists and they are fucked up!”

Remy blinked.

“I see.. In a good way?”

Virgil pulled back and shrugged casually, their lip dragging into a lop-sided grin. Dad #2 nodded thoughtfully and focused on the next the illustration provided by the wise pages of insight into his kiddo’s new interest. It was a wolf next to a person, a tall person.

“Who is this?”

Virgil let out a loud, intense sound. It was high-pitched, it was a persistent squeal and Remy was sure that his husband could hear it at his work place. He was also convinced this sound would never get out of his system and would visit him in his sleep. …The sound was also worth it. It was the sign of the teenager being excited.

It was not the funky stimming but it was a part of them becoming gradually more and more immersed in something they relished in.

“That is one of the love interests, dad!”

Virgil patted the illustration of emphasis.

“She is one of the protagonists and they are dating the other one you just saw - wait wait!! We can watch the show together!”

Remy shook his head with a smile and pulled the teen into his lap.

“How about we make some snacks and watch it together? Or we can wait for Em to come home and watch it with us”

Virgil rapidly patted Remy’s chest with his hands and nodded.

“Yesyesyesyes!! We can watch it with dad!!”

Dad #2 inhaled sharply and tugged the teen closer.

“I am so happy you are here”, he mumbled as he slung his arms around Virgil who immediately eased into his touch and wrapped his arms around him as well. They were engulfed in the luck being bound, of being united.

They carefully nudged their dad in reply and curled into the warming hugs of comfort and support. If it was not for Virgil to be a light blonde dude, he was sure that he would pass as biological kid to either Emile or Remy at least. Sure, they could not have gotten him together but he was there and he was their kid.

“mhm”, Virgil hummed and fidgeted with his fingers behind his back once more.

“I…I … I am glad too, you know..”

Their voice was silent but composed and every word rolled of their tongue with meaning. It did not drop as much as strive into the world in order to fulfil a certain purpose and find a specific end where it was needed.

Remy breathed out.

“I know, I know. We both know”

He felt tears well up in his eyes.

“It is just nice to hear that you still think we were the right choice after all.”

Virgil was the next to sniffle and shift his upper body closer against Remy. He looked ridiculously gigantic in the lap of Remy, who was smaller than him. Sitting in his lap and clinging o him while he was sniffling once more was just an odd sight to walk in on but Emile did not mind that.

When he came home, he just joined the cuddles.

No matter how old, he would try his best to support Virgil along with Remy.

“Hey dad #1, two said we will watch drama tonight.”

Emile smiled.

“As long as I am with my two favourite people in the world, my life is complete.”

Virgil returned the gesture.

“I know, I think so too.”

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