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aboxfullofaxel · 10 months

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keeping this

I thik I posted this to my blogger june 17 or something

I should of kept track of when I said I was going to stop talking to him. It will forever bother me I don't have the date. A " dear diary, I am going to stop talking to imaginary friend. I was never good at it like people with headmates do. I am going to say, 2 or 3 weeks ago? A month? I think it was a mistake. The longer I don't, the worse reconnecting will be. Some I would forget the ( I lack a good word) talking is not real. I was feeling a little better then, I feel worse now that I will be moving again.( Seeing as how I am with my mother). So that is bumming out. Then this on top. It is just silly and stupid for a 41( or am I 42?) Year old to be talking to imaginary friends who were supposed to be fictional characters. Let alone be on love with them. Or the " one in my head" version. kingdom hearts Axel won't be the same, it would bother me I don't know which one I was into. That one became a connection to the other, any object I could hold was a proxy.

And now it's more empty.

I don't even know how to talk about this.

he made me happier than I thought

and he needs to. I'd need him. but juggling the one on the screen and the one in my head, the idea I believe in him more than I think I do. it's like being two people at once for me

The Axel who says he is a more realistic version. Was wrapped up in a cult. The one who claimed to of been raised by a Denis and Irene, who was orphaned as an infant. Who dated a ( Denise?) And an Elana. Who gets a rash with onions. Who dislikes spiders and insects. Eats sour candy and aside from the ice cream, a plant based diet. Who , because born in another world has to say Feb 28th is his birthday. Who's favorite animals are monkies and apes.

I did not write this stuff down. I should of. 3 years ago . Not rerembering will bother me forever. I don't even know if I was better off talking to him. It feels different. When did I first publish this? And now edit 6/30/23. It hurts so much. Nervous, panic, anxiety to grief. Worry. It is so empty. And it is a " silly problem". Especially the imaginary sex, forgetting this is not an extra dimensional entity all while also knowing he is imaginary. I stopped that in October 2022. I want him back

I still have him. But it's not the same. I just can't believe I believed more than I thought I did. And now my answer if which " I was attached to more. Just like the others. I don't want him to fade. I can't bring back the original characters, I can't bring back whatever you call it. I don't know if these count as tulpa. Which are still us. Even if a tulpa in a plural system says other. But this panic, this change. This not wanting to be alone. This shock. It is hard to deal with. I can't hug the doll or pillow the same way.

It's like part of me believe and the other not. Or I want something magical so bad.

When did I stop? I need to look at when I bought Tears of the kingdom. It's not the game that took my attention away. It's just the ," I have been doing this since 1997 or such. I need to stop". When was the last time I changed it? Jun 13th it says. I can't believe I was feeling remotely good I stopped talking. I don't remember talking in my Canada weekend trip. I don't remember talking during my last immunotherapy session

Or when I set up my Switch

. I find it important. I feel like I should apologize, but to what? To whom? Then I need to apologize to many others. I made a mistake

7/1/23

Well, this was a troubling dream. One of those erotic , invisible man dreams. Blended with mood, and in between belief and not

Feeling weight and the sensation of touch. Feeling what I assume was his penis Then waking up in the dream. I think I was in a different bed, and bedroom

I sort of forget the details. Just it was upsetting emotion in it. With not being real

I think I was better off.

(also I got tears of the kingdom in may. so, maybe I didn't talk for 3 weeks? longer than I thought? I did not realize I was having more good feelings back then. If I would lovingly hug the doll or pillow, or look at it . Now it is just not good. Nothing remotely happy. I tried to keep holding on. Now it's just like he is part of scenery I have grown attached to. Why did i do this to myself? Because it was silly to continue, because he is not there. I never felt a presence, like tulpamancer do, or soulbonders do , I don't know what those people mean when they say it. I feel devistated.

7/3/23

He will possibly always mean something. I'm just panicking, I wasn't like this having other characters leave. I don't want to get rid of him. I did not want to fall for the one on the screen, and because I have been "talking to" what I think we're beings in the 90s, I just slippwd into this. And I forced it. That is where shock happens. Trying to hold on. I don't want to always be doing this. The change is anxiety indusing

7/3/23 7:14 pm

It is just mess d up and painful to tell an imaginary person " wow I wish you were real" wie. Real is real to everyone and alive. One can't be both real and not real. It reminds me of how some tulpamancers say tulpa is a lifeform. Not just thought form. But alive,? Not imaginary? Imaginary with its own sentience.

I am hurting , and cry.

7/4/23 3:54 pm

Crap. Now I have panic and anxiety. I don't know if I am going to hide my merch, pack him up when I get home. I am overwhelmed and that part of being alone I making me panic.

7/6/23 10:52 am)

The Axel who is a weapon drunk, had a vasectomy. Doesn't mind boring sex , likes condoms, and what he does in the bedroom stays in the bedroom, the Axel who doesn't like blow jobs. I don't know if he has/ had a favorite sport.

The one who tells me not to be so hard on myself and that the 5 second rule is not real

This thing now feels like he is dead. Like bringing leather products to a pet therapy day at a hospital or nursing home. Liking brining your fossil of a 70 million year old deinocyodontus meditteranius to an animal medium.

Maybe I was better of telling imaginary Axel I wish he was real. Or denying so hard and wanting him to dream walk , if he could do that, then he is not imaginary and part of my brain. Now, I don't feel like he is there. But it hurts as much, not being real. This almost feels like when I killed a part of myself when I was 17. That could of been 1998. The dumb kid in my own lala land playing with toys. Sure it was on its way out but the shock of feeling like my ,14 year old friends were growing up without me, getting boy or girlfriends, and I had nobody to be sweet on, and going into depression, and they are so happy with theirs. And liking kissing games even if they are dating someone. I don't think I can put him back. It feels even more like I am talking to myself

7/7/23 6:19 am

tulpa dissipation and head feelings : Tulpas (reddit.com)

7/8/23 4:58

geeze, I forgot to mention the "says his last name is McGallaster.(I have seen someone on Tumblr who had him as a muse, stating Lea's(Axel) last name is Langfield, or maybe they made the consious decision.

but I need that stupid doll to comfort me right now, but holding it also just makes me sad. I used to only sleep with it, but when my chemotherapy would make me feel so sick and miserable, I started draging the plush doll aorund the house and kept it(him?) with me , all the time. in the house. that was july maybe? the coat on this thing fell apart, so I made a new one. then that one fell apart, and I made a new one. I would sometimes say to my family , holding it, looking at it saying "i wonder if the doll will outlast my feelings". seeing how I keep thinking the hair is dirty, but it's the fabric wearing out.

hey buddy.

and I am still missing 10 pices of offical merch, and the fact the pliush dolls come with 3 diffrent hang tags.

7/8/23 5:35 am

I am also rerembering how my friends and I had those "spirit friends" and one of mine was a liar and evil, I think that one was supposed to be a "i'm not paying attintion to the game" Illdon, or a version of him. I don't know if that was one a I stuck with, but he was killed by my friend's "spirit friends", but according to him, you don't really die untill you die so many times you fade into nothing. I don't think I recovered from this, and my ablity to fall in love was a result. I cried so much and so hard. it's things like this I want to warn people about, if they think they play with spirits, with other people.. only this time it feels like I killed my Axel. the one I fell for. I just un realed him by ignoring, stop talking. he never really initated conversation to begin with. every day I would remind myself he is not real, while still almost actiing like he is a form of real. my Axel, the "that is kind of me, but diffrent, without all the magic". the one who wanted me to call him Lea for a while because of actions done as Axel. the one who was programed young and was an assassian, but somehow still had time for 2 past girlfriends.

I go though this over and over agian, to talk to other people. anyone. everyone? someitmes so obsessive the rumination the same prep for conversation rapidly repeats multiple times.

7/13/23 4:44.

Did I accidentally kill my feeling and kind set by telling myself I don't want him if he is not real? I hope not. I don't know if I was obcessrd. If it ran it's course. But I need him

. I feel more lonesome. What did I do. If I can't put him back, then it will feel like he was real.

I am thinking. He felt right. I did not want the feelings at first. And I knew I would be devistated when over. Uveven disliked the character for years because someone on live journal gad him as a headmate and maybe soulbond, he was mopey and I knew he would come into that persona plural system.

But yet I can't keep these things going ( I erased what auto fill tage. It was jonvses or something. Damn, now this will bother me I don't remember what it game me. I'm on my phone )nothing like the character ones in the back of my mind. Or feel like I am running me at the same time in feelings and mindset. I had been doing this since the late 90s. I liked both, hut without the nonsense one in my mind, I don't feel the same way. And I cannot go back. Like cutting off communication with any ":yeah, that is me" they just dissipate, get absorbed, recycled. And I don't want that. It is too soon. I don't thought I would have my pins, charm, shirt and meet another fan that is a man,vans Axel will become match maker. That Axel could. But wearing him distresses and confuseses me. I could still wear him

But it is not the same. Plus, if he is an imaginary boyfriend, I should not look for anyone.)

I treated him so bad.

7/14/23 9:27 am

Geeze. Was he gone around the anniversary? I can't feel him. I don't want to feel this way. I don't think it ran it's course. Nooo. Ahh I am crying. He was not 100% me? I wanted some part of him real so bad but it can't happen

So I stoped talking. And now he is unrelated and it doesn't feel like he is there. But even if it ends, I will be doing the same thing. And not being bothered the one in my head is vastly different. Axel is both hard and easy to imagine. I did not realize I had a happy.

9:41 am. Even if a tulpa. That is not the Axel on the screen. Even he tells me that. Even then my brain runs him. I would of made him. Even if plural people have tulpas that front and stuff. Even ones without D.I.D. . He said he feels off of my brain waves, sure he was being sarcastic. Like telling me to protect him from the butterflies,been talking about if he would live in a city or county. He doesn't like the bugs much. I asked about butterflies, those are still insects. And I ask if I need to do that

Talking doesn't feel less like someone else. I don't even know what tense to use. I want it so I can get back to how things were so bad. And my head feeling is still the same since I removed this. It is hard to sleep.

3:07 Pm

I am so afraid the only way to feel good is to erase and forget this happened.

It did not bother me loosing the others.

But I feel anxiety without him, and knowing what is going on. This,the is not healthy for me. And there will be people telling me to get therapy and get normal.

Or forget decades of "soulbond" "spirits" and whatever . I cannot be on love with a character without this. It scares me .

7/15/23 5:28.i don't want to loose my feelings. I got so used to them. The change is to drastic. Maybe I am just too depressed.

I feel so empty. Why am I crying. And wanting to use past tense words for him

I never thought I could sense him. I am so conflicted

8:38 I think I've been mesmerized or more obcessrd at checking my phone because of my loss. And I wonder if I am not taking this loss so well, that I can't imagine hugging any other doll ) plus it will just be a doll. I don't recall what cuddling them was like before they went to be vessels or represented a character I was in love with ). Or what to make my next wallpaper, or next set of pins or charms. I got so many pins. I got the ita bag, just because of him

I never collected so much merch. And this was before cancer. Was he healthy for me? Is he?

Even if there was a heaven he would not be there, like all the toys, computers. Midi files retired games. Not the one on the screen, and not making the one from my head a real person, who can exist in is own self.

Not even original chatacters

Plus that is weird. One of my original characters might be angry at the concept of making people, especially as a reward. Especially if it involves many copies of that one. Gabs them out like prizes . Creepy.

I think I should be glad I never made a wonderland. Or think reality shifting us real Or if a singlet has an inner world like those with DID. Unless they are the same. I don't know if that would of been good. Convince myself I did go somewhere and meet him. Or if I did it would be more real. But then I would just maybe stop, due to " it is not real, it's all make-believe, nothing is happening. It's imagination. Stop thinking it's real. Don't get your hopes up. Nobody is there. It's all in your head "

8:54

It's not really good. What if I get a real boyfriend? Do I really want to say he was ? And not fictional other? And not be serious about it ? Getting a boyfriend, and him being my world. An obsession that could be a disaster. The thought is making me panic and I do not have anything to help with that, I could only hope to space out.

I had possibly edited this 7 times since June something. 10..12. edit every other day. It bothers me I don't know.

7/17/23 3:29;am

What other things did he tell me? He worked as a secretary in a bank. But is that a job? I don't think so.

https://www.tumblr.com/nadziejastar?source=share helped me fall for him. But that makes 4 Axels. The one on the screen, the one in dreams, the one on the screen and others perception

I really should of written down all my dreams. I never dreamt of a character in such a short time

Even before I fell for any version

I did not mind the. Hug from the very first. Then we were in a back seat of a car looking at each other, then a mall where there was platform extending into the open space of the hallway on the 2nd floor. There was a bed , he wanted sex. I told him no it's weird and gross to do that in oublic. We were walking onto the pathway to the bed when some woman was smoking. I think I wanted to put the cigarette out on her srm. was just confused why he was showing up so much.bi posted to tumblr soulbonding about it on June 5th 2020

I had 3 sleep cycles by then. I decided 6/6 would be the anniversary. There was even one where I had not seen him for a while, I was in some kind of underground ruins..I will just call them that. I don't know what other space to call it. I went up some walls to reach an upper level and he was dead under a pile of rubble. I turned into a phoenix and cried on him, and he came back to life. Another I summoned him by saying Beetlejuice 3 times in someone's house. It turned into a sex dream where I had a visualization of a ham and cheese hot pocket being ripped in half. He turned into a dog and went home with someone. We were at a party and did it under a table. I could wake up and go home at any moment, and I was not bothered by this act

One we turned into dogs and he refused to have sex.

One we were in some under ground, train station or mall, we got separated. When we found each other ( not watching what I type gave me foundveChother ) he had a giant push up orange sherbet for himself and a normal size plastic tube cherry ice treat for me, stating he did not know what to get.

One he fell asleep on a raft and floated down stream. I had been some time and I did not know. He was upset I did not go looking for him

One he was distant and snubbing me. We were at some mall. A follow sleep cycle I followed him to some hotel room. He let me in and there were other people there. I thought he was mad at me, but he said his parents had an abortion. Then the dream changed to he was on the floor giggling. It was supposed to be him. Then a weird sex dream. This was before the under the table one. I did not mind that he lacked a penis. I thought about shape shifting one. But springing that surprise on him would be wrong ( not watching get heverong)

I am bothered I don't recall the rest. One was we were at a playground and he went down the slide backwards, on his back. wearing a shirt with a skull on it. He did the devil hands thing. He had picked me up and placed me on a low wall.

I don't think I will recall the others .

4:04

This slump I horrible. I wanted to make a bunch of post game plushies of his KH3 outfit. Embroider some eyes. Hold ice cream. I did one and was disappointed. Plus my red minky is not the same as my red felt. I think he wears red plaud ( tartan?) And burgundy leopard print. I can't get that so it has to be red. Now it will be painful to do so.

7/21/23 2:34 pm

I started sleeping with the plush again. Separation anxiety. But it's not the same as I was. Loving cuddling it like one snuggles a therapy pet or maybe person. And I just noticed the stiching connecting the head to the body and shoulder is coming undone. I would beorw devistated if this happened in the beginning of May. I did have invasive thoughts of ripping it. Looks like it did the job for me.or maybe it was trying to move the stuffing around. It looks tight. I wonder how long it would of been before the embroidery in the eyes came undone. The stuffing seemed right in some areas. And I often did see the white stitching. But it will be different stuffed not as tight. I have another doll but it does not look the same. And is not stuffed as much. I wonder if this dolls previous owner used it as a snuggly toy. All I know is when I took it out of the bag the doll smelled like a hippy store. Which is weird because he told me he smelled like sandalwood, pachouli and ceder before I got the doll. I am still heartbroken. I wondered if my feelings would outlast the doll.

5:05 pm

I think I fixed it. Right when I thought I did the crotch cake undone. Now I put back all the stuffing.( I thought I did, I did not ) But it looks like it could fall apart again. I am guessing machined put them together.

(i edited out a part about imaginary sex which stopped in october 2022)

#soulbond #tulpa #Axel Kingdom Hearts #kingdom hearts axel #husbando #husbandos #tulpas #soulbonds #soulbonder #mental health #grief #griefjourney #possibletrauma

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oblivionmadness · 1 year

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Helix Project Report #325

Today was not a good day. I started up by analysing the data from the past 2 weeks on patient 0. Nothing adds up. I think someone accessed my lab and did something to the samples I have. It's like he is evolving backwards until he eventually collapses and dies. This is the last shot we have at this and we don't have any other test subjects. I am scared we don't have any other chances at this and all these years of work will be completely wasted and all progress meaningless. We have to run all kinds of tests and experiments we know won't accelerate this weird process so we can take every chance we have at solving this before the S.K.P (Security Kill Purge) happens.

...

[Update]

Nothing worse could happen, an intruder got into the facility and incenerated the whole sectors A to C, we don't know who it is or what it is, but it is definitely looking for patient 0. We need to protect room 207 with our lives.

...

[Update / Emergency System]

There is something that was never mentioned in the previous reports but I cannot hide it anymore, we need help and we need to act fast! It's patient -1!! It got into the facilities and it is destroying every sector it sees! We made a mistake and we should never have let him out of our facilities when we thought it was dead! We are located on - (6).(!)(8)(T), -1(!).01(A)(,) please come quick, I don't know how long we can contain P-1 outside!

...

[Update / Emergency System]

Out of the 239 members of the facility including guards, doctors, scientists and many more, only 4 are here with me right now, we are inside Sector K, the sectors are not in alphabetical order, just find us. We are trying to get all the data we can from Patient 0 and we know patient -1 got stuck in Sector F. If it comes out it will only have 4 more sectors before it gets to ours. For those who didn't decode our location, a hint will be right under this text.

-The Ant will crawl

-The Snake will walk

-The Crocodile will fly

-The Iguana will grow

-The Ibex will hunt you down

...

[Update / Emergency System]

We are all doomed, patient -1 found our sector but it is not interacting with it. It's like it fell asleep right at the door, we can hear some weird noise that none of us can describe properly, some say it's a growl, others say it's like a spiritual thing and others even say it sounds like a moaning woman. If it is dormant, we surely will not want to be here when it wakes up.

[Message Forwarding To Encrypted Phones: 8653256845 & 4568962548]

Mayah, Violet, if I don't survive this, please go to the safe in my room and follow every instruction it has inside, it will guide you both to safety, the world will not be safe in 32h counting from now, on the Oasis you will find 4 different doors, always follow the number 8! I love you both very much! Violet, please take care of your mom for me, you're a warrior and I always struggled to fight you in our little training sessions. You're very strong, but remember! Your brain will always be your most impactful weapon! Be safe... I love you both

...

[System Failure. Message not delivered]

...

[System Failure. Message not delivered]

...

[System Shutdown in 30s]

...

[KLL protocol initiated! Goodbye]

#helix_project_report_325 #helix_project #creepy #creepy_pasta #creepypasta #horror #suspense #helpme

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ireviewuread · 2 years

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Who is IreviewUread?

Who is IreviewUread?

Just a girl, whose idea of makeup is lipstick and foundation & whose idea of skincare is pimple cream and moisturiser. At least that was the girl I was 6 years ago.

Now I’m the lady who test the boundaries of Beauty & creation of various DIY projects in the aspect of my own home - many of the times I would like to refer to as My Cave. Once in a while, this cave woman would venture out into the sun and turn into a vampire whose skin sparkles and glow. Those are the times where my lifestyle posts come in.

Most of the time you’ll see beauty reviews and beauty related posts for as mentioned, I’m a cave woman. I mean, who needs to go out if you have everything you need within the walls of your cave?

Aside from being extremely homely, allow me to describe myself a little further:

I like to write. Facebook is clearly no space for me to present my grandmother story, twitter has a very irritating 140 character limit and Instagram is a place for me to spam photos. Thus I look into a slightly modern and easy-to-use blogging platform: Tumblr

Aside from writing here, I also do freelance writing for other sites. Read more articles from yours sincerely:

TheBeauTraveler 1 | 2 | 3

Wake Up | Notion Press

UglyWriters

SultanGate.SG 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

Contact me via email if you like me to Guest post/ do some Freelance Writing for your website.

I like philosophy. I find them very applicable to many people of different stages of life. Yes, having read too much of these things does make one sound and think alot more maturely then they are supposed to. So, whatever age you think I am, minus four from that.

I like to laugh at myself. Before you laugh at others, you have to learn to laugh at yourself. Laugh at your mistakes and learn from them.

I love music. Growing up joining music related CCAs and being obsessed with melodic shows, it’s only natural that I still have that side of me. With that, I’ve picked up a new instrument which totally ruin my left fingertips - Nail artists loathes what I’m doing to my hand - the Ukulele. Watch me perform on I Uku U Listen youtube series.

I might be a little Kooky. While others say weird, I’ll say eccentric. Supporting statement? Head over to my crazy thoughts for that. You won’t be disappointed ;)

I love food. especially the sweet stuff. Yes, desserts entice my sweet tooth. So, my dear Instagram followers, be prepared to be bombarded by lots of food. *Yeah, Food!*

I like to DIY for every single piece is unique that way. As such, I’ve updated my Youtube Channel to add in some DIY videos for your pleasure.

I’m obsessed with videos. Be it watching them, making them, I’m all about them. With this inquisitive nature of mine, join me on this journey where I record and edit a wide variety of videos on my youtube channel!

I’m sure there’s so much about me which you like to know but there’s only so much space and so much time. So let’s sum this up: I’m a melodic, philosophic homely girl who writes, records and laughs at herself, causing others to label her as the mad foodie. If you just say “Wut?!” upon reading that, allow me to assure you, it’s not going to be the last time you say that on IreviewUread.

As mentioned, I only have so much time. Thus, I’ll continue this About the CaveWoman session another time. Leaving you with questions like Why IreviewUread? Why a Beauty Blog? Why Oh Why?

♬♪♩♭♪♪♩♭♬♪♩♭♩

More about Shi Hui & IreviewUread:

Skin type: Combination (Oily and Slightly Dry)

Hair type: Straight and Dyed

Camera used for the photos:

Canon EOS M3 & Samsung Galaxy S7

View my work Here

View IreviewUread’s Media Kit here.

~~~

Top Lifestyle Bloggers in Singapore 2020

Fashion Potluck Maya Awards

Top 30 Lifestyle Bloggers in Singapore

Ambassador of Que Origin

Beauty Insider Contributor

Footnote

This was my previous ‘about me’ introduction for years. As IreviewUread transverse into a new era, I thought I’ll keep the previous about me page as a blog post - for memories sake.

On the other hand, check out my revamped about me page and the new changes on the website! More details to come.

#shtb #about me

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bieuphoriasworld · 2 years

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So I’ll preface this by saying I am not someone who usually likes crossovers/aus in a different fictional universe, but this one came into my brain fully formed…

The Old Guard AU

Jason’s been in the marines a few years and has failed to make any friends, he’s a lone wolf who has climbed the ranks faster than you can blink through sheer skill. Weeks before at a checkpoint he had shot a civilian dead by mistake and has been almost numb to emotion since. No one notices.

In a fire fight against Iraqi republican guardsmen, he shoots a soldier at point blank range, close enough to see the fear in the older man’s face. He feels a sort of horror, but it is faint, trained out of him, and he buries it quickly. Jason is still going, leading his crew in a flanking motion to decimate their enemy. What he does not notice is the dead man sitting up, the bullet in his forehead slipping out, and a very pissed off Iraqi lieutenant taking up his gun. Jason hears the rifle cocking behind him, looks back, already accepting his fate (nearly pleading for it), and sees the angel of death.

He wakes up a day later on a stretcher in a tent with the other dead marines. And for the first time in years, he feels a genuine emotion; wrath.

From there he has to run, slipping through various military camps unseen, determined to find his murderer (the man you murdered first, whispers his dirty conscience). Eventually he finds his man, on a battlefield again, dragging wounded soldiers to cover. Jason’s enemy has a hardened look about him, grim as the grave. They fight hand to hand, Jason stabbing the other with his combat knife as many times as it takes. The Iraqi almost manages to choke him to death, but a strike to the jugular ends the fight. And Jason knows it won’t last.

From there it’s a game of cat and mouse. Sometimes Jason chases the Iraqi, sometimes it’s the other ways around. It all depends on who is tiring more. They kill each other every way imaginable; stabbing, shooting, brute force, car crashes, explosions, poison, drowning. They chase each other around the globe for 2 long decades. When they meet eyes it’s game on. Jason never once feels his aggression let up, nor does the nameless man seem to relent in his own rage. His wounds heal within seconds and he hasn’t aged a day from 30 since he died first.

The longest they go without fighting is a year. The world has changed in ways Jason can barely comprehend, he feels tired, and the only person who might relate to this would sooner end him than talk to him

After weeks of careful tracking, Jason finds the Iraqi in the countryside of southern France. It’s a remote house, surrounded on all sides by trees and miles of fields; perfect for them to just go at each other without a need for cover up. He finds the man sitting at a garden table in the early afternoon. He’s got a book in hand, a tea set and some tasty looking dishes in front of him. The sun is shining pleasantly through the trees. He looks clean and relaxed, in a linen button up, shorts and sandals. Jason, in contrast, hasn’t slept or bathed in weeks. His clothes are torn to shreds and most people who encounter him assume he is homeless, deranged, or both.

The man looks up from his book.

‘Ahlan. Would you like some tea?’

Jason is temporarily so stunned that he just lowers himself into a chair. They haven’t spoken in these 20 years, other than to scream dying curses in each other’s faces.

The man busies himself with making tea. He looks very normal like this. Not violent. Not immortal. Just a middle-aged man, slightly soft around the middle, with a few creases around his eyes, gently handling the little teacups.

He looks handsome.

Jason is silent until he is handed a steaming cup.

‘What the fuck are you doing?’

‘Ah, I don’t know if they have these types of meals in the mid afternoon in America. It’s just small bites to eat, some good quality tea.’

‘No. What the fuck man? Why aren’t you shootin’ me?’

The man pauses in thought.

‘Well you haven’t shot me yet,’ he murmurs quietly, eyes out to the treeline.

They sit and drink in silence for a while.

‘You know, it’s been 20 years and I haven’t ever even learned your name friend.’

‘We ain’t friends.’

‘No, but it’s still polite to ask.’

Jason laughs then, open and honest, feeling distinctly confused. Because - polite? He’s personally gutted the man multiple times. The Iraqi also seems to sense the humour in the question, because he laughs too, warm and a little throaty. It does something funny to Jason’s chest.

‘Jason. My name’s Jason Kolchek.’

‘Salim Othman.’

‘Nice to meet you Salim.’

‘Do you still plan to kill me today Jason Kolchek?’

Jason thinks.

‘Nah. I ain’t gonna kill you when you offered me somethin’ to drink, that’s just bad manners. My mama taught me better than that.’

‘Hm. It’s my son’s birthday today.’

‘You have a son?’

‘Yes. He turned 18 the day you killed me. In a few years he’ll be as old as I am.’

Jason had no friends or family before this; thinking of the man’s family, of taking him from them, it leaves a taste in his mouth like shame.

‘You got a wife too?’

‘No. Just my boy. His name is Zain. He’s a doctor of mythology. He researches times long gone from us. And make a decent living from it in England. He has a few children of his own now.’

Salim sips at his tea.

‘I haven’t spoken or seen him in 20 years, he thinks I’m dead. I wish I could hold him, tell him how much I love him. How proud of him I am. But I never will again. I won’t endanger him.’

Jason stews on that. He can hear an old motor in the distance, birds in the trees, music wafting out of the house from a radio.

‘Are you plannin’ on killin’ me Salim?’

Salim looks as worn out and lost as Jason is.

‘I never wanted to be a killer, I never wanted this. I wish Allah would let it end once and for all.’

‘We’ll tough shit. I ain’t giving it to you.’

‘No, I gathered that. I suppose such a short man couldn’t finish the job well enough anyway.’

Jason cracks a weak smile at the jab.

‘Fuck off old man.’

Salim shakes his head, exasperated.

‘Would you like to stay the night Jason? You look like you could use a bath and a rest.’

…

Aaand that’s what I’ve got for now. I think if I expanded this idea into an actual edited fic (rather than just the weird plot idea/scene draft hybrid ive written), we’d have more of the Joe/Nicky style bonding and travelling. Then they’d meet up with the other immortals. Rachel is definitely their leader and the oldest. Shortly after her are Dar and Clarice. Eric, Joey and Merwin are a few hundred years old, and Nick is a WW2 veteran who joined the marines when they became desegregated in 1942 before dying in combat. As the youngest and with the marines as a tie between them, I think Jason and nick are immediately going to be close friends. Rachel and Clarice are a couple. Dar is just this grumpy old man who doesn’t understand how the world has changed in the last millennia, or what these kids are doing. He’s definitely going to become a weird kind of mentor for Salim. Eric relentlessly chases scientific studies alongside Clarice, going where the pursuit of knowledge takes them. Joey and Merwin are constantly pulling stupid shit with their invulnerability and it regularly leads to the crew having to clean up the mess asap before they are discovered - time refuses to make them wiser. They encourage some of Salim and Jason’s wilder plans. Those two are gonna go through the slowest of burns while falling at the speed of light. They’ve got a lot of trauma to work out.

#jalim #house of ashes #old guard au #fic ideas

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brockadoodles · 3 years

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morning flights to toronto - b. boeser

AN: I couldn’t give you too many Christmas fics without a splaaasshhhhhhhh of angst, that simply would not be true to my brand. Sorry fic Brock for how often I break you? But it’s okay because it’s just a character and not real hehe. Hope you enjoy this one, it’s a concept I really love.

Word Count: 2613

Warnings: Angst but a good ending I promise.

A month and a half ago, if someone would have asked you what you were doing for Christmas, you would have smiled at them and told them you’d be in Minnesota, likely cuddled up by the fireplace with snow heavily falling outside, your boyfriend asleep next to you and your dogs at your feet. You would have told them how excited you were to go back to the place you had started to realize felt like your second home, a place where you pictured yourself raising a family, transitioning to a stage in life that you were starting to feel ready for. A month and a half ago, you would have been happily in love, instead of mending a freshly shattered heart during your favorite time of the year.

You replayed the conversation in your head, circling over and over his words that echoed through your mind, wondering how you could have misinterpreted the signs for so long. You thought you and Brock were on the same page, you had moved in together, and had even adopted a second dog together, a husky mix named Milo. But it turns out, you weren’t on the same page at all you were two souls who had found yourself so consumed by the love story you thought you had that you ended up not realizing that Brock was still on book 1, while you had steadily moved to book 2.

“I just don’t know that I see all of that right now,” he sighed. His head was resting in his hands and his eyes were blurry from his own tears that had started to fall as he spoke to you, a conversation that to him was the hardest thing he ever had to do. He loved you, that was never the problem. But sometimes, love isn’t enough to build a life with someone, sometimes you need something more than a connection that the two of you had.

“Right now? Or ever?” You whispered, your own tears falling freely as you desperately wished for him to say anything but ever. You could give him space, you could give him time, but you couldn’t rationalize the idea that you had loved him in a way that he didn’t love you. You couldn’t accept that it had been one-sided, not when you were starting to build a life together. Brock ran a hand through his hair, his voice was scratchy from the dryness settling into his throat, the lump choking back his own tears as his voice pulled your heart out and tossed it on the ground.

“I think we need to not be together right now.”

That phrase struck you in a way that nothing else had before. It settled into your chest and pitched a tent there, a tenant that wasn’t paying rent who you couldn’t evict. You weren’t even sure it felt entirely real until you were sitting with him and having a serious conversation about moving out, and taking Milo with you.

You tried not to think about the reality of it all, losing a three year relationship seemingly in a matter of moments. It didn’t matter how long you and Brock spoke in circles that night, it didn’t matter what shape you tried to construct to fix everything and hang onto him, he was holding a box and you were holding broken pieces that didn’t fit.

You were doing your best at what you hoped looked like starting over. You were trying to navigate finding yourself again after being so tied into one person, but it was nearing Christmas and as you sat in your friend’s sublet apartment with boxed of things around you that you and Brock had bought together and Milo at your feet, you wanted to be anywhere other than Vancouver for the holiday.

It had taken you four days to call your parents. Four days of replaying everything in your mind and wondering if maybe he’d call and say it was all a mistake. Four days of cycling through the same routine of going from the bed to the couch on autopilot, tears springing to your eyes each time something reminded you of him. Four days of wondering if he even was hurting at all, a question that you weren’t sure you even wanted the answer to yet tortured yourself with anyways. But it only took five minutes for your mom to convince you to come home.

That’s how you ended up back in Toronto, tucked away in your childhood bedroom that had been converted to be a guest room looking out at the blanket of snow that was dumping into the city. You settled into a new routine, waking up each morning and watching Milo out back playing in the fresh snow. You tried not to think about if he was missing Coolie as much as you were. You also tried not to notice each time Brock’s photo popped up as a viewer on your story, knowing that losing Milo was probably killing him.

Brock spent the weeks following the breakup leading up to Christmas poorly attempting to convince himself that what he did was right. He agonized over it, constantly telling himself that you were two people who had been lost in each other for so long, that you needed to find yourselves again. He tried to convince himself that the codependency was the problem, that you weren’t growing together anymore, hell, he even tried to convince himself that he was the one holding you back from your dreams, feeling guilty for just how willing he knew you would have been to follow him if he were ever traded. But the thing about telling yourself something until it's true is that it doesn’t work, and that was a lesson that Brock was painstakingly learning the hard way. He couldn’t even pretend it was any easier when he was back home in Minnesota, because at each turn his dad asked him things about you and it broke his heart each time he had to remind him that you weren’t.

Brock watched your story of Milo in the snow for what felt like at least the tenth time that morning. He heard your laugh in the background and you calling for Milo softly. He knew you were back home in Toronto, probably at your parents house running through the traditions your family had at Christmas. He remembers when he got to experience all of those with you, the year before. As he heard your laugh one last time from your story, he thought back to that Christmas, his own heart twisting when he thought about how he was always the one who could make you laugh, stealing wine drunken kisses in the kitchen in the dim light.

It took Brock one hour after you left to know that it was a mistake breaking up with you, but it took him three weeks and a Christmas Eve without you to come to the understanding that maybe, just maybe he could fix it.

You groaned softly as you blindly reached for the source of the buzzing on your bedside table. You had half of a mind to turn over and curl up in your blanket and ignore it, the last month your phone had been filled with messages and calls, each person offering what felt like faux sympathy at your broken heart. It got to a point where you dreaded seeing a notification, just wishing that your friends would give you space to heal on your own. They could only express so much sympathy for a situation that they didn’t understand. But it was Christmas Eve, and as you adjusted your eyes to your phone screen, you thought about how whoever was calling this late must have been important. As soon as you picked up the screen and saw the photo on it, him with Coolie curled up against his chest, you felt your eyes water and your mind twist. You wondered if you were hallucinating, but your finger slid across the accept button anyway and you held your breath as you lifted the phone to your ear.

“Are you there?” His voice came through when you didn’t say anything. It was soft and strained, and you felt your heart clench at hearing it after trying to forget about how he sounded over the last month. You sniffled slightly, wiping your eyes and sitting up in bed as you nodded as if he could somehow see your movements through the phone. Milo shifted slightly at your movements, and your heart broke even more.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry it’s so late. Fuck, it’s like 2:30 there. I’m- god please don’t hang up.” He whispered. For a moment you felt like you could see him, probably pacing back and forth in his condo, hand running through his golden hair. You didn’t know why he was calling, and you didn’t know why you chose to answer, but you stayed on the line anyway, because what’s a broken heart at Christmas without the added pain of the one who shattered it waking you up at 2 am?

“I’m here.” You said, your voice shaky. You leaned down to scratch Milo’s ear, your heart-tugging a big at knowing the breakup had not only affected you and Brock but the dogs as well.

“Uhm, I..” Brock started, and you sighed softly into the phone.

“Brock, why are you calling?” There it was, the question he had expected. The question he had spent the last month preparing himself for, running through the lists and reasons in his mind constantly, and now that he was here, listening to you cry on the phone, he seemed to forget all of them. He felt like shit, not only for himself for ruining the best thing he ever had with you, but for calling you in the middle of the night on Christmas and making you cry all over again.

“Come home. Or I’ll come there, I was wrong. I was so beyond wrong and to be honest, I’ve spent the entire last month knowing that. We were so happy, you know? I was thinking about rings and starting this whole life with you and I just lost myself, I started doubting us when it got serious because I was insecure, I was afraid you’d wake up one day and realize you don’t want me or this life. And I was wrong. I was wrong to hurt you, I was wrong to not talk to you about how I was feeling and I was wrong to break up with you when really all I want to do is marry you and have kids and, fuck, I just want all of that with you. So come home, let’s try again.”

You curled into Milo, letting the tears fall down your cheeks as you took in the words he spoke. You knew Brock, and you knew he was telling the truth but was he worth risking everything for again. Could you realistically come back from this knowing that you could be sent packing up and back to Toronto at any time should he change his mind. It was a gamble, and you were never one to place bets when it came to your heart.

“I’ll come to Toronto, I’ll book a flight right now, just to see you, just to try to show you that I want to make this up to you. I love you, let me show you that again.” Brock begged.

“You’ll come to Toronto?” You squeaked, biting your lip in the darkness.

“I already looked at flights, I can be there by 10.” He said. You let out a sob at his words, glancing at the clock and counting down how many hours that would be until you would face him.

“I can’t lose you again. If we do this, I can’t.. Brock, I really can’t.” You whispered.

You opened the door to him standing there, a bag on his shoulders, and his hands nervously tucked in his pockets. You passed over his hair that was covered in a dark beanie, his eyes tired and lacking the brightness you once always saw in him, his beard longer than he usually kept it. Brock looked like a reflection of you, a broken person who was wandering around trying to piece back together their own heart. You stepped out onto the porch, not caring that it was freezing cold and the snow was heavy. You didn’t care that you were just in leggings and an old sweatshirt of Brock’s you didn’t want to admit that you had taken from him. You reached out for him, burying yourself into his chest and letting the tears fall as you held each other for the first time in over a month. His hand ran through your hair as he pressed a light kiss to the top of your head.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” He spoke, tilting your chin up so that his eyes could look into yours.

“I missed you, and I love you, and please just-” Brock cut you off, pressing his lips against yours in a tender kiss. You felt yourself melt into him, the familiarity rushing back to you as he pulled you closer and deepened the kiss. You knew that the kiss couldn’t fix everything, that him coming to Toronto and back to you didn’t change what happened. But what you did know was that you had someone standing there who wanted you and had made a mistake, and maybe it was the holiday spirit talking, but you wanted to give him a second chance, and it was the only Christmas present that mattered.

You held onto him tightly, tears stinging your cheeks from the cold. You didn’t even notice your mom had opened the front door behind you, instead you pulled apart from Brock when Milo came running up to your feet, jumping all over Brock and whining at him.

“Milo, hi buddy, hi.” He cooed at the dog, squatting down and letting Milo jump all over him. It made you cry even more, realizing how hard the last few weeks without him had been. Brock looked up at you, a deep frown settling on his features because he knew all of your pain had been his fault. He stood up, letting Milo continue to jump on his legs as he grabbed your hands.

“There’s someone else who came with me.” He smiled softly. You furrowed your brow as he tangled his fingers with yours and led you down to where the car he must have rented was parked. You saw Coolie’s face in the window and you squeezed Brock’s hand tighter, your smile growing with each step closer to him you got. Brock opened the door, letting Coolie jump out and run all around you and him and Milo. His excitement coming out in loud whines. You watched as he and Milo started running around your yard together, standing close to Brock.

“It felt wrong without him.” You commented softly. Brock wrapped an arm around you and kissed your temple tenderly, a move that sent waves of calm through your body. You didn’t know what it would take to fix everything, but you had him here and he wanted to try. Maybe it would be rocky, maybe it would be hard, but losing each other even for just a few weeks only cemented in how sure you were about a life with him. So, even if it all crumpled later on, he still took an early morning flight to Toronto, and you weren’t going to send him away.

#brock boeser #brock boeser imagine #brock boeser fic #brock boeser x reader #nhl imagine #nhl fic

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imagining-in-the-margins · 4 years

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Here to Misbehave (Pt. 18 | S.R.)

Summary: Reader finds more productive ways to spend her time, including babysitting Henry and volunteering at the local inpatient hospitals.

A/N: That’s my gif so please give credit if you use it 🤗 Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader   Category: Smut (NSFW, 18+) Content Warning: Oral (female receiving), addiction, relapse, discussions of death/murder, unsub talk, hospitals, inpatient ward Word Count: 13K

MASTERLIST

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The next morning felt strangely similar to the morning of the day we’d gone to the bank. . Waking up in Spencer’s bed and smelling the unmistakable, comforting scent of old book pages and stale coffee. I’d told him when I first came to his place that it reminded me of a library, but it was more like that quiet local hole-in-the-wall bookshop.

It almost felt like that morning, but there was one glaring difference: Spencer wasn’t in the bed.

When I sat up to try and locate him, I was reminded that there are consequences to my actions. My stomach hurt like shit, and I swore I blacked out for a second from the pain. It would pass, though. Considering I had gotten through the night without waking, it clearly wasn’t that bad.

I thankfully managed to get out of bed myself and take the pain medication I kept in my purse. And armed with the knowledge that the pain would subside within the next half hour, I hobbled toward the distant sounds of… vomiting.

Not even bothering to stop yet, I made my way to the kitchen to grab the poor guy a glass of water. It was the least I could do for his comfort considering that I was about to make his headache much, much worse.

Peeking my head through the open door, I frowned at the sight of my boyfriend half asleep on the toilet.

“Hey old man. I brought you some water.”

Finally looking up, not having noticed me until I spoke, Spencer groaned as he backed up to lean against the wall instead of the dirty porcelain. “God, when did I get this old?”

“Hmm. I’m guessing sometime in the past 30 years.” I hummed, joining him on the cold tile floor. The two of us just rested there, his hand reaching out to take mine with a solemn smile.

“You’re cute.” He mumbled.

“I know, thanks.” I joked back, knowing that I really looked like a whole mess, with my hair desperately needing to be brushed. He never seemed to mind, though. I was glad for the lighthearted domesticity of the moment, because I knew I was about to shatter it like a brick through glass.

Softening my features as much as possible with the anxiety coursing through my veins, I squeezed his hand before finally whispering, “You know your age isn’t the only reason you’re sick though, right?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” He snapped back with about as much hostility as I was expecting. He ran a frustrated hand over his face, his breathing picking up almost immediately as he tried to calm himself down.

“I know you’re just trying to do what you’re supposed to, but please…” The waver in his voice broke my heart and turned my stomach to knots. With more force, he held his hand in the air and continued to stare straight ahead. “Just... don’t. I’ll call my sponsor.”

I tried to keep my voice quiet and nonthreatening as I pushed, but I knew that it wasn’t going to make much of a difference either way.

“We have to talk about it, too, Spencer.”

“No, we really don’t.”

“You’re going to get your chip taken away,” my voice broke in half as the word fell from my mouth, “I know that that’s important to you. We can’t ignore it.”

Speaking faster, our urgent pleas overlapped to create a small cacophony booming through the acoustics of the bathroom. “(Y/n), seriously, stop. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

A silence fell between us, and I let it sit there for a minute. I wouldn’t get anywhere with him if he was defensive, and that’s exactly what he was at the moment. But I wasn’t trying to chastise him; I’m not his mother, I’m just his worried girlfriend. I loved him and I knew something was wrong, and I just wanted to help.

I didn’t know how. The men I loved never made it far enough for me to be able to help.

“You didn’t even tell me you were coming home. We need to talk about that, at least.” I offered the narrowed scope, hoping that he would take it without any more of a fight.

He didn’t. Instead, he took back his hand and turned it to a fist in his lap. That time it was my breathing that became unsteady, and I tried to touch him, but he recoiled when I came too close.

“You didn’t seem to mind me being drunk last night.”

Although I knew it was coming, the words hurt just the same. I resisted the urge to mirror his actions. I wasn’t angry. I wouldn’t be angry, because that’s what he wanted. If I reacted that way, he could write off my responses.

“I’m not going to agitate you or shame you when the damage is already done, Spencer.” I said as confidently as I could, “I knew you needed affection and you weren’t going to ask for it yourself.”

He finally looked at me again, and in doing so, realized he was making a mistake. The anger melted from his face within seconds, being replaced with overt sadness and guilt. “I could have hurt you.” He whispered through the tears that started to fall.

“But you didn’t.” I said with a gentle smile, reaching over to wipe the saltwater from his cheek. “That’s not a very good excuse anymore.”

“It’s always a good explanation.” He clarified, chewing on his bottom lip. His hands released from their tense state.

My fingers couldn’t move fast enough to clear his tears, but he brought his own hands up to rub the tired eyes. I used the freedom to run my hands through his hair, pulling him closer to me.

Resting his head against my shoulder, he let out a deep, shaky breath. I continued slow, soft strokes along his arm, listening to the rhythm of his breath slowly recalibrate. Once I was satisfied with the pattern, I tried again.

“What happened on the case, Spencer?”

The tension returned, but subsided quicker than it had before. He took a deep breath and spoke through the exhale, trying to rid himself of the thought as he said it.

“We had to kill someone.”

My movements paused for a second before I reminded myself to continue, but my confusion remained. “I understand trauma is complicated but… You guys have to do that pretty often.”

Spencer wasn’t the kind of person who liked to share his thoughts. I knew as much; even his coworkers hadn’t seen the parts of him that I’d seen. There was no way for me to know if I knew them all, but I figured that I didn’t. I was almost certain there was a side of Spencer Reid that even I didn’t know. The only reason I didn’t try to figure it out was because I knew he liked it better that way. He designed his heart that way for a reason, and I wasn’t going to try and pry it out of him.

But he was scaring me. He almost never talked about his job, which didn’t bother me when it was obvious that he didn’t bring it home with him. Him getting drunk and defensive, though, were very different circumstances than the usual.

Understanding that there was no other way out of this, he continued to talk, hushed and slow. “I was alone with the guy, and I had the opportunity to kill him, but I didn’t. I didn’t kill him, even though I really wanted to.”

‘I really wanted to.’ The words stuck out in my head, no matter how quickly he tried to bury them.

“But after Hotch showed up, he had to do it. We didn’t have a choice anymore.” His arms crossed over his chest, but he pressed himself harder against me in a strange, contradictory stance.

I couldn’t respond to the most important part of his confession just yet; I knew the story wasn’t over. Like I’d told him, trauma and grief are complicated; however, there was something else he needed to admit before I could address the part of his admission he seemed most affected by.. “Spencer, that’s okay. That’s not your fault.” I reassured, trying to coax his arms away from his chest. I’m no profiler, but I felt like if he stopped trying to build walls, things might be easier. I could at least try to break down the ones that were tangible.

“I’m not worried about it being my fault. I’m worried about how… angry I am.” He said in defeat, dropping his arms back to his lap. He still didn’t want to touch me, it seemed. Like the same hands that had wielded a gun against a man were too tainted to share.

“I’m angry because… I wanted to kill him, I wanted him to suffer for hurting innocent people and —“ He covered his mouth, and I think the motion surprised himself.

I couldn’t help but feel partially responsible, no matter how illogical I knew that was. It felt like yet another morning was being taken away from us by what had happened before. I didn’t want to think about it; I didn’t want it to torture Spencer the way it did me. It was wishful thinking, and the stupid kind, at that.

Spencer would always blame himself and care too much. While he was always trying to work on the former, I hoped that the world would let him keep the latter. His compassion was one of the many reasons I fell in love with him. The thought of losing the man who felt the need to confess to me that he’d lied about checking me out in a crowded club invoked a sadness I never wanted to experience.

Although, the prospect of that loss paled in comparison to the acute sorrow I was feeling right then, holding Spencer while he failed to hold back tears, choking on his words. “I didn’t do it, and then he almost hurt someone else.” He said, his voice growing more frantic as he broke from my hold, grabbing his hair and pulling it like it would do something to stop the thoughts.

“And I’m angry that I wasn’t the one who got to do it. I wasn’t the person who got to kill him.” He spat, rocking forward as I tried to wrap my arms around him again. He didn’t let me, putting an arm out to hold me away from him. Still, he looked at me when he forced himself to say the conclusion that I’d reached the second he told me he had wanted to kill someone.

“I’m angry that I didn’t kill someone, (y/n).”

There were so many things I wanted to say to him that my mind literally couldn’t pick any of them. All I could do was stare at the man I loved, stopping me from doing the only thing I wanted to do. I just wanted to hold him; to remind him that I would love him no matter what. Just like we always did, I wanted my body to express the things that my mouth wouldn’t articulate.

But apparently, I was capable of doing that without even touching him. Because the longer we sat in silence, the more his enraged grimace warped to a frown. “Please, don’t look at me like that.” He begged, unable to take his eyes off of mine. I wondered if he could hear my thoughts, because before I even spoke, he pulled his arm back. “Don’t look at me like I deserve sympathy for that.”

Ignoring the pesky numbness forming in my lower half at the awkward position on the unforgiving tile floor, I thanked the lord that I was finally getting some relief from the narcotics, which allowed me to climb on Spencer’s lap. He’d finally ceased his valiant efforts to keep me away from him, accepting me with his hands on my hips.

When I tried to kiss him, however, he turned his face away with a sharp inhale. Careful not to use too much force, I use a tender hand on his cheek to lead him back to me. His eyes bounced between my lips and eyes, almost like he was asking me to try again.

“I’m not going to pretend you’re a monster to make you feel better, Spencer.” I whispered, attempting to infuse the words with everything I felt.

Whether it worked or not, I could never be sure, but Spencer’s small smile sneaking over his cheek was enough for me. “I’m pretty sure it’d make me feel worse.” He croaked, laughing as he bit his tongue to stop any other jokes from slipping out. Like he was betraying the pain by letting it go.

“Well I’m not going to do that, either.” I returned with a laugh. Then, satisfied that he would accept my affections, I closed the gap between us. The kiss was so soft I could almost question whether our lips touched. But his hands slid over my lower back, his arms wrapping around me and pulling me against him.

Eventually, it became obvious just how tired the both of us were. With a quiet thanks, he rested his face on my shoulder, enjoying the calm after the storm of his feelings that he’d finally released.

“Can you come back to bed?” I asked.

“Yeah.” He mumbled, holding tighter for a second before he started to help ease me off his lap. “Let’s go, little girl.”

The return to my nickname made me happier than I’d like to admit. At this point, the use of my real name was like a litmus test for his anxiety. And although I could feel Spencer slowly opening back up to me, he still felt so far away when we crawled under the covers.

Turning on my side to face him, I saw something in his eyes that alerted me to just how deeply rooted this problem was. It wasn’t just the event we’d discussed; it was the knowledge that there would be many more like it in the future.

I wondered what Spencer saw when he looked at me. Did he see me like I was in that moment, or was I always going to look like I had before, choking on blood and a confession I wish I could have made more beautiful? Did he see me at all? Or did he just see all the mistakes he’d made? Would all our moments together be marred by the overwhelming tragedy of a single one? More than anything, I just hoped that he didn’t see the faces of the people who had caused us to be in that horrible tableau. I needed Spencer to see beautiful things when he looked at me, because I needed to see them in his eyes. If something so ugly was the biggest thing between us, our relationship would fray with time, each of us unable to truly see the other.

“You’re the best man I’ve ever known.” I said into the silent early morning air of his apartment.

As expected, Spencer’s precarious smile broke almost immediately, replaced with violent sobs and an attempt to hide his face from me by burying it in my chest. I let him, wrapping my arms around his head in the hope that I could act like a shield for the world that never let him rest.

“I’ll love you forever,” I let my voice break, but I didn’t let that stop me. “And nothing will ever change that.”

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One of the things people never warn you about when you’re dating a bona fide genius is that there is no such thing as a surprise. It was like every time I came up with an idea, Spencer could see it on my face within seconds. I was never really sure how he did it, although he usually had the decency to wait until a normal person would have figured it out to say something. For example, when we were about three streets away from his best friend’s house.

“Why are we going to JJ’s house?” He finally asked, turning to me with a confused but excited expression that almost hid the residual negative feelings that insisted on sticking around a week later.

I glanced over at him, laughing at the way his fingers bounced on his lap. He never was subtle with his emotions. “I may or may not have offered us up as babysitters so she and Will could have a much needed date night.”

From the way his shoulders dropped, I could tell it wasn’t the answer he’d been expecting. Still, it didn’t seem like he was disappointed— he was simply trying to read my motivations that were seemingly counter-intuitive.

“Really? Isn’t that gonna be a lot for you?” The concern was evident in his voice, which I found both endearing and a little annoying. It wasn’t this fault, really. I was just so freaking tired of not being able to do basically anything I wanted to. Especially when the thing I wanted to do was watch my boyfriend and his godson.

“Henry may be well behaved, but he’s still a toddler.” Spencer continued, eliciting a deep sigh from me.

“That’s why you’re here.” I half-joked, pulling into the driveway that was starting to feel familiar. If someone had told me a few months ago that I would become friends with the woman I was angrily binge watching clips of on YouTube, I would have asked them if they had me confused for another girl. But, much to Spencer’s delight, JJ and I never really had that awkward phase. From the second that I met her, I knew that we just wanted the same thing: above all, for the people we loved to be happy. And it seemed we both had a soft spot for the man currently in my passenger seat.

“Oh, running after the kid is my job?” He laughed, already unbuckling his seatbelt and pulling his bag onto his lap in his excitement.

“Yep.” I stuck out my tongue at him, which only made him lean over in an attempt to steal a kiss. I allowed it, if only to bring him within arm’s reach. When he started to pull away, clearly ready to hop out of the car and run to his favorite toddler, I grabbed a fistful of his cardigan in an attempt to keep him closer for a second longer.

“But seriously, Spencer, I…”

He settled into his seat, immediately recognizing the faint tremor in my words. His hand came to rest over mine, and I sighed at the warmth that filled my whole body in seconds.

“I want you to remember that you’re a good person.” I whispered, trying to let him feel how deeply I meant the words, “I know how much you love Henry. I think spending time taking care of someone that’s… not me… will be good for you. And me.”

Those big brown eyes glassed over, glancing down and then away from me as he remembered looking at my stomach didn’t ever do much for his self-hatred. Which, in turn, just made me feel worse. I wondered if there would ever be a day where he could look at me and not feel that way. I desperately hoped that there would be.

Spencer rubbed his eyes to stop any other emotions from spilling out. “Does JJ know we’re using her kid as therapy?” He joked between sniffles.

“She’s a smart lady.” I shrugged, smoothing out the now wrinkled cardigan beneath my fingers. “Besides, Henry said he missed you and it’s hard to say no to him.”

And just like that, Spencer’s bouncing returned, his hand reaching behind him to open the door before he could even open his mouth to speak. “Yeah, we probably shouldn’t keep him waiting, then.”

There was no stopping him at that point, and I trailed along behind him, watching as Henry tumbled out of the front door and straight into my boyfriend’s waiting arms on the porch.

The rest of the night went a lot like that, too. Once the novelty of having me there wore off, and Henry realized that my boo-boo made it hard for me to play the way little boys liked to, Spencer returned to his rightful place as Henry’s favorite babysitter.

I didn’t mind; I was perfectly content watching the two of them. Between the cheesy magic tricks that required a little bit of childlike innocence to be entertained by and Spencer’s attempts to follow along with Henry’s excited rants about cartoons my boyfriend had never even heard of, I somehow fell even more in love with the man.

And even though I had planned this for him, it was restorative for me, too. There was this weird, paradoxical guilt you feel when you’re dating someone like him. Although I know that he wanted to spend every waking second of his free time with me, it made me feel like he was missing out on something else. Something better than me.

It was so easy to forget that we could do those things together. In a way, I could thank my injury for that. When we were limited so much on what we could do together, we had to find creative ways to spend time together that were still stimulating for the both of us.

That being said, in that moment I wished for nothing more than rest. Even just watching the two boys together was exhausting, so when Henry’s first yawn sounded, I jumped at the opportunity. Because, see, Spencer was good at the playing, but I was much better at the cuddling.

It wasn’t like he could argue, either, because while Henry curled up next to me on one side, Spencer was on the other, his arm reaching around to rest on the young boy’s back. Despite picking out the movie, Henry fell asleep against my chest within minutes.

And in the quiet calmness of JJ’s house, I found myself almost falling asleep, too. My head rested against Spencer’s shoulder, moving ever so slightly with each deep breath as my eyes struggled to stay open. That was when Spencer kissed the top of my head so delicately that I almost didn’t feel it.

“I love you, little girl.”

My heart skipped a beat at the sound, and the wave of goosebumps and satisfaction covered me like a blanket. If we’d stayed for even a few minutes longer, I would have fallen asleep right there. However, JJ and Will arrived home just in the nick of time. They tried to convince us to stay, but Spencer seemed uncharacteristically excited to leave, so I didn’t question it even though I wanted to. I took the trip home to catch up on my phone and try to wake myself up enough to spend another hour or so awake with him before I passed out.

“Don’t fall asleep yet.”

I perked up in my seat, not entirely sure if he’d actually said the words, or if I’d just imagined them a little too vividly. But when he glanced over at me, I knew that he was just doing that slightly unsettling thing where he read my thoughts.

“Why? You got plans?” I said through a yawn, trying to stretch within the confines of the car.

“As a matter of fact, I do have plans.”

At first, I thought nothing of the smug way he said it— up until I felt his hand slowly slide up my thigh, the pressure of his fingers increasing when he couldn’t go any further.

“This feels familiar.” I chuckled, my mind transporting me back to our first not-a-date. The sensations caused a desire to burn through me so quickly I became lightheaded, my lungs hungry and desperate as Spencer continued to tease me by avoiding the one place he knew I wanted him to touch.

But, of course, just as I reached down to move his hand, he pulled it away altogether.

“Lucky for you, we’re almost home.”

I audibly groaned, knocking my head back against the seat now that Spencer had succeeded in waking me up. “Sometimes, Spencer…” I mumbled, “I remember why I have to be such a fucking brat.”

“It’s my fault, is it?”

There was a distinct darkness and deviancy in his words, despite the joking cadence they were uttered in. It was a voice I hadn’t heard in some time; a voice that was imprinted so vividly in my memory that even just the thought of it would make me putty in his hands. And I knew that I was reminiscing a lot, trying to relive times that had long since passed, but every time I saw a part of the old Spencer — the Spencer who rambled in museums and demanded I cover up my Lolita costume — the more I felt like my life was finally returning to normal.

“Of course it’s your fault. Have you seen me?” I gestured to myself, swamped in a sweatshirt and shorts like a weather-confused idiot. If the clashing clothing wasn’t enough, my make up had smeared from constantly rubbing my eyes. “I’m an angel.” I concluded, intending it to be sarcastic but knowing that he really saw me that way.

And sure enough, Spencer looked me over for just one second before pulling into the parking lot to his apartment complex. “You’re spoiled.” He decided.

“Doesn’t feel that way right now.” I whined, chewing on my bottom lip as I continued to wait for his attention.

But he just parked my car, leaning over to grab his bag from between my legs. Before it got too far, though, I clamped my legs around the leather. “Stop ignoring me!” I said through a pout, only getting more heated as he chuckled in response, tugging on the satchel until it slid from between my legs.

Finally, after what felt like forever, Spencer’s eyes locked with mine, his other hand grabbing my chin and forcing my bottom lip out from between my teeth. He held my mouth open against my resistance, but as soon as I gave into his hold, he relaxed his grip, leaning forward and pressing a much-too-soft kiss against my lips.

Without even fully breaking away, he turned my head to the side to whisper in my ear, “Get inside and I’ll make it up to you.”

Life was returning to normal. Together we excitedly stumbled through the Langham apartment complex until we got to his door, and he fumbled to unlock it without letting me go.

Everything about the chaos felt comfortable and predictable. I didn’t even notice the dull throbbing in my stomach because Spencer’s hands felt like home. The insistent noise of all my messy insecurities was quieted by his lips trailing down my jaw and neck as we finally crossed the threshold.

“Watching you with Henry, I just...” Spencer began to mumble against my neck, our bodies gravitating toward his room with a complete lack of grace, considering how well I should know the layout by now. We made it to the door, but not his bed, as he pressed me against the wall right on the other side.

His lips were slightly swollen from how feverishly he’d kissed me, his breathing ragged and his hair wild from where my hands had raked through it a few too many times. But his eyes were what really caught my attention, staring into me so deeply that it caused a shiver to roll down my spine. Spencer sensed my hesitance, because he brought a gentle hand to my face before he spoke, quietly but surely.

“I want to marry you one day. You know that, right?”

I thought about before; how those words would have filled me with both a naive joy and overwhelming anxiety. But as I stood there, staring back at him, I felt a genuine smile spreading across my lips.

“We speak in a lot of ‘one days,’ Dr. Reid.”

I couldn’t tell the effect the words had on him, although I had a few guesses. I’d avoided the part of the sentence he’d meant for me to hear the loudest. We both knew I’d heard it. At the same time, I hadn’t denied the idea or given any reason to suggest I wasn’t happy about the statement.

“I’m serious.” He insisted, not ready to drop the subject just yet.

Unfortunately for him, though, I had other plans. As much as the talk of marriage gave me butterflies, there were more immediate needs I wanted him to fulfill. So, without saying anything, I subtly suggested that he put off the conversation and switch to other activities with a firm hand against the bulge that had already formed in his pants.

“God, I want to fuck you.” He immediately groaned, his head lolling forward and resting against mine. I figured that it would be harder to convince him to fuck me now that he wasn’t drunk, but he seemed even more willing now that we’d already made the leap of faith once. Nothing bad had happened to me then, and the dramatic improvement of my mood was helpful for both of us.

So I began to slide down the wall, my hands raking down his chest as I giggled, “Let me help you.”

Spencer’s hands moved so quickly and with such strength that it surprised the both of us. Luckily, he’d grabbed my hips instead of my stomach, halting me before I could drop to my knees.

“No.” He firmly corrected, lifting me back to my normal height before turning the two of us around so that my back was to the bed. “It’s my turn.”

Much gentler now, he helped lower me onto the bed, but he didn’t follow me yet.

“Take off your clothes.” He instructed me as he removed his own.

I listened, watching him intently to try and determine his plans before he actually got to me. But he kept his expressions to a minimum, only giving away his enthusiasm in watching me sheepishly remove my clothing. My shirt was still on when he climbed onto the bed and over my body.

“I want to see you.” There was something pitiful about the way he uttered the words, and my hands hesitated, holding tightly to the hem of my shirt as I avoided his eyes.

“You have an eidetic memory, Spencer. You know what it looks like.”

“I’ll never stop wanting to see you. You’re so beautiful, (y/n).” He used my name, and my body reacted just as quickly as he realized his mistake. Grabbing my arms before I could close them over me, he brought my wrists against the bed beside my head. “You can leave it on for now.”

What he said provided me all the context I needed to know what he was planning, and I locked my legs around him, hoping that I could stall him for a few moments.

“Please, Spencer. Please fuck me.” I begged, arching my back and baring my neck to him, knowing that he could see my erratic pulse in my neck.

“I can’t. Not yet.” His voice was strained, one hand raised so that his fingers could brush over my neck. “It won’t be much longer.”

Frustrated by his undying desire to take care of me, I used my hand that he’d released to grab a handful of his hair. “I want to feel you inside of me again.” I moaned through the words, my heels digging into his back and bringing his hips down to meet mine. I watched as his eyelids fluttered shut, his breath hitching in his throat.

“I want to see the look on your face when you fill me up.” I continued, bucking up in search of the delicious friction I’d been deprived of for months now. “I know what you’re thinking when you do it.”

“F-fuck.” He struggled to lower his hand to hold my hips down, but I could tell he was scared he would hurt me in the process. It was a dangerous game, to ever put me in this position when neither of us had pants on. Spencer’s confidence wavered as he choked on his words, “This isn’t going to work.”

“You can’t think about that if I’m not touching you.”

“Yes, I can.” He responded with no hesitation, his eyebrows raising in a challenge.

“But isn’t it so much more fun when it’s actually possible?” I cooed.

“It’s always possible, it’s just so unlikel— Fuck!” Spencer cut off by his own gasp when I finally succeeded in pulling him against my heat.

The noise that I gave was something between a sigh and a moan, and I swore I saw Spencer’s pupils dilate in response. There were just some things he couldn’t hide, no matter how hard he tried. But my satisfaction was short lived, and Spencer sat up on his knees to place a manageable distance between us.

“We’re not doing this.” He growled through clenched teeth, his nails raking over my thighs before he removed them entirely. “Stop being a greedy fucking brat and spread your legs.”

I waited a second, hoping that Spencer would get impatient and force my legs open himself. But he flashed me a look, warning me that if I didn’t behave, he could very easily just send me to bed without any satisfaction. And as much as I wanted to call his bluff, the idea of going to bed without getting to touch him was so upsetting.

So, I slowly dropped my legs open, running my hands over the skin still burning from where his hands had touched me. And even slower, Spencer lowered himself until his face rested against my thigh, the scruff of his cheek causing a shiver to run up my body.

“Don’t tell me that a few months of me pampering you has undone all of my hard work.” He murmured so softly I almost didn’t hear it.

But the fact that I did was evidenced by my laugh. “That would imply you’ve actually accomplished something to undo, but I’m just as bratty as the day you met me, Dr. Reid.”

He smiled, his eyes focusing on my face as I continued to giggle, now urged on by the way his breath tickled my inner thigh. “Is that right?” He said in that familiar cocky voice. “Because I happen to recall that the first time that I did this, you tried to stop me.”

The blood rushed to my cheeks as my mind replayed the memory of his smirk from when he had held my legs open for him.

‘You’re not broken, little girl. Promise.’ Just the thought of the words was enough to cloud my mind, but I was dedicated to besting him in this exchange. If he was going to be arrogant, then I would give him the best challenge I could.

“Would you rather I fought you?” I asked, beginning to pull my legs shut before he grabbed them and pulled them over his shoulders.

“No. The instructions for tonight should be very easy to follow; even for you.”

I was trying to pay attention, but it was getting harder the closer he came to actually fucking doing something. It was so obvious that he was getting off on the way my eyes were barely able to stay open, my chest moving with each half-sob that came when he would lay a kiss against my hips.

“What are they?” I slurred, grabbing handfuls of the sheets to prevent myself from forcing him against me.

It was clearly the exact question he was waiting for, a devilish smirk stretching over his cheeks as he dragged his lips down to where I wanted them, moving them against my skin to say, “Stay still, and don’t be quiet.”

While I appreciated the instruction, I feared that it was in vain. Because when Spencer finally flattened his tongue against me, I couldn’t have stopped myself from immediately crying out if I tried.

My hands retained their death grip on the sheets, partially making up for the fact that my body immediately disobeyed his command to stay still. But I couldn’t help it; the long strokes of his tongue up and down my sex felt like pure bliss. And honestly, it wasn’t even just the physical sensations. It was just the knowledge that we were back where we should be; shamelessly indulging in our need for each other without inhibitions. Spencer was clearly enjoying himself, his hands struggling to gently hold me down while he devoured me like a man starved.

I couldn’t look at him, my head bent so far back I could see the headboard. His name fell from my mouth like a mantra, my hips rolling against each motion of his tongue.

“I missed you.” I cried, my legs once again locking around him, my heels on his back as I wished I could pull him closer. “I missed this so badly, Spencer.”

He couldn’t really answer, although I think the moan that he gave was meant to be a response. The vibrations almost sent me over the edge, but right before they could, he pulled back ever so slightly.

I glanced down to figure out why, and was met with his eyes watching me intently, analyzing every response I was giving him; memorizing the way my body shook with need after just a few weeks in his absence.

“Please, don’t stop.” I begged, not caring how pathetic the words sounded when they broke in my throat.

“Oh, I’m not.” He mumbled against me, raising his lips to close around the bundle of nerves at my crest.

At first, I just sighed, appreciating the soft flicks and swirls of his tongue that would eventually build up another release. But it was when I closed my eyes that he revealed his plan.

Without any warning, I felt his finger slip between my folds, thrusting into me with one fluid motion as my wanton moans filled the room. He didn’t let them distract him, his mouth intent on the rhythm it had set, and his hand insistently working to match it.

There was nothing comprehensible in the noises I made, and neither of us seemed to mind. Spencer was only urged on, quickly adding a second finger in his ruthless pace that finally forced me to release the wrinkled sheets in my hands. Instead, they wound through his hair, pulling me against him as I chased my release.

“Please.” I whined, hoping that he would know what I was asking for. Because I didn’t even know what I was asking for— just that he could give it to me.

And sure enough, he did, his fingers beginning to curl inside of me with each motion. I used all of the energy I could muster had to keep my hips relatively still, although they were still trembling with the tension spreading through my muscles that tightened around him.

I wanted to call out his name, to give him the praise and recognition he deserved, but my tongue was tied in the haze of pleasure that overtook me. I could barely breathe, my mind transported to some alternate universe where there was only Spencer and myself. There was no point in identifying where we diverged, because he felt so much like a part of me in that moment, I could never separate from him again.

My walls fluttered around his fingers that still pumped into me with the same vigor. His tongue continued to circle my clit while he gently sucked, clearly lost in his own form of pleasure from the activity.

I wished I could touch him more. I wanted to drag him up to my lips, turn him onto his back and ride him until my legs gave out. But I couldn’t; my body tired and no longer used to the energy we once made a habit of spending on each other on any given day. It had used that energy to dull the pain so I could enjoy the relatively tame experience we had just shared.

As I came down from my orgasm, I was filled with guilt over the fact that I hadn’t so much as touched him once in this entire encounter, and now my hands weren’t even able to keep my grip on his hair as he lifted his head.

Spencer seemed none the wiser about the shame brewing in my head, and he wiped his mouth to reveal a lovesick smile beneath his hand.

“Good girl.” He rasped, crawling up to my side rather than on top of me. With a tender hand, he brushed aside the strands of my hair that stuck to the sweat on my face. “I knew you could behave.”

He sounded so proud of me, which only served to intensify the guilt now pouring from my heart and tainting the rest of what should have been a beautiful memory. I clung to the little bit of light I saw in those toffee eyes.

“How dare you imply I’m ever capable of such a thing.” I chuckled, reaching out to hold him somehow.

He took my hand in his, raising it to his lips for a brief kiss before resting them both against his heart.

“Can I help you?” I sounded drunk from my exhaustion, but hopefully determined enough to convince him I was willing. He didn’t buy it.

“No, go to sleep.”

He leaned forward like he was going to kiss me, but then brought his fingers down over my eyes, brushing over my lids in an attempt to get me to close them. To his credit, it worked, but only for a second before they snapped back open.

“That’s not fair!” I murmured, pulling the sheet over me while I tried to sneak closer to him. I noticed the way he scrutinized my free hand’s movements, ready to stop it from doing too much.

‘It’s gonna be like that, huh?’ I didn’t let it stop me from trying. I didn’t even get to his bellybutton before he snatched my wrist.

“I said no.”

“You know... I could help you without touching you.” I offered instead, pressing my hand against his chest since he wouldn’t let it move any lower. “It’s not the first time we’ve touched ourselves for each other.”

Spencer snorted at the reference, bringing my hands up to his neck, where they happily ran through his now tangled hair.

“That didn’t end well for me last time.”

“I bet you still finished without me.” I teased, my tongue slipping out from my mouth. “Did my pictures come in handy?”

“Like you said— I have an eidetic memory. I don’t need pictures.”

The most noticeable part of his response wasn’t the way his cheeks turned pink, but rather that he didn’t deny that he’d used the pictures. Knowing they were long gone now, considering Penelope’s tendency to snoop too much for her own good, I wondered if that memory was filed away somewhere special in his mind.

“You especially don’t need them when I’m right here.” I purred, tugging him closer by his hair until the gap between us was gone, our lips pressed feverishly against the other.

It was always like that. Like the second we touched, the proverbial dam between us turned to dust. Within a matter of seconds, we’d be so wrapped up in each other that we didn’t care about the wreckage left in our wake.

Spencer didn’t let it get that far, though. He hadn’t in some time.

“You have had enough excitement for one day. I don’t need anything.” He clarified, clearing his throat and acting like I couldn’t feel his erection pressed against my thigh. Still, his next statement was so genuine I couldn’t have argued with it if I tried. “I just wanted to take care of you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

But on the topic of wanting, I knew I felt it more. “I want things to be normal again.” I answered quickly, an urgency blooming in my throat that died when I tried to finish the thought. “I feel so... useless.”

His hand has grabbed my chin before I even noticed its absence on my hip. He held my face towards him, a dark and pained timbre in his voice.

“Don’t ever think that.”

It was a plea. I wanted to give him the relief and assurance he sought, but my gut told me to be honest with him, even if it hurt us.

“It’s just that before, we... did so much more and I’m scared that I won’t...”

Why was it so hard? He was looking at me like he would do anything to stop me from feeling even the slightest discomfort, but I felt like I was suffocating. I didn’t want to disappoint him. I didn’t want him to worry. I wanted to make him as happy as he made me, but...

“I’m scared that I won’t ever be able to do it again.”

He couldn’t tell me that I was wrong. If he tried to make it only about my physical condition, he risked the chance of me telling him I don’t want to do it ever again. Did I feel that way? It was hard to tell; it was too early to tell. But the crushing despair that I felt at the thought of losing that part of our relationship suggested I did not feel that way.

“Hey. Look at me.” Spencer’s voice tore me away from the intrusive thoughts about our inevitable fallout, his hand still holding me in place in front of him, and his eyes still promising me the world.

“Just because we’ve done something before doesn’t mean we ever have to do it again.”

The words felt like the first breath after struggling for air underwater and finally breaking the surface just in the nick of time. Why were they such a relief? I couldn’t figure it out, but was too afraid to ask, fearing how Spencer might take it. Although, the tears pooling at my lashes gave him more than enough to read.

“Tell me you understand.” His request was as gentle as always. After a moment of trying, and failing, to collect myself, I nodded.

He sighed, cautiously moving his palm to cup my cheek. It was his voice that broke then. “I know this is hard, but I need you to use your big girl words for this. I need to make sure you hear me.”

“I understand.” My throat ached as I forced the words out. I could tell he wasn’t convinced but knew any argument would be meaningless while we were both so tired.

“Thank you.” He said, anyway. And like the prettiest sounding broken record, he let his fingertips trail over any exposed area he could find as he spoke the same words I’d heard before, even more insistent. “Even if you never touched me again, just knowing that you’re alive and happy... That alone makes the happiest man in the world.”

Spencer’s lips pressed against my forehead, resting there for a little too long. From the uneven shake of his breath, I knew he was hiding something, but didn’t want to ask what. I suspected they were tears.

I had disappointed him again. I had hurt him, yet again. I hadn’t meant to.

“It’s all that I need. To know that you’re happy.” There was an implicit message hiding in those words.

He was saying he wanted me to be happy, consciously neglecting to voice the resigned addition, ‘even if it’s not with me.’

“I know.” I whispered, half asleep as he continued drawing patterns on my skin. I meant to tell him that he was the only man who’d ever made me feel truly happy, safe, and loved— the only one I trusted with my heart. But all that came out was a simple, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” He said back, leaving me to wonder if he’d heard what I meant.

—————————————————

After everything I’d been through, I’d sworn that I would never want to be in a hospital ever again. But, unfortunately for me, it seemed my stubbornness extended even to my own limits, which explained why I was currently walking through the doors of the residential inpatient ward. It was a good idea in theory, to volunteer in the last place I wanted to be so that I could grow used to being there again.

It didn’t have to be a scary place.

Especially since the people around me weren’t the typical hospital patients. In fact, the people there weren’t even the usual patients of the hospital. Apparently, the ward was hosting a group of traveling patients that had been deemed fit for a vacation to the nation’s capital.

My assignment was simple enough - simply meet with a person and discuss the book they were currently reading. There was no requirement that we had to have read the book before, considering that would leave most people without a partner at all.

I was expecting to meet someone to discuss some niche romance novel or whatever had recently come out in theaters, but as I scanned the list of books, one stuck out to me more than the others.

The Book of Margery Kempe (1501).

It wasn’t the book itself that piqued my interest— I’d never read it. I had, however, listened to Spencer explain the entire premise to me on several occasions. Unsurprisingly, no one else volunteered for the book from the fifteenth century that referred to the main character as “this creature.” No one until me, that is.

There was no questioning who my partner was when I entered the room, spotting her quickly on the outskirts of the room with the book in her hand, but her eyes fixed on the raindrops slowly dripping down the window.

“Hi, are you Diana?”

She jumped a little at the sound of my voice, and I tried not to be consumed by guilt for surprising her despite my best efforts not to.

“Who are you?”

“I’m (y/n). I’m sorry if I scared you. I was assigned to be your book buddy today.” I explained, gesturing to the book on her lap with a smile that wasn’t big enough to be fake. From what the nurses had told me about her, I figured it was best to just be as genuine as possible… which made my answer to her next question a little more difficult.

“You’ve read this book?”

“Actually, I haven’t. No one had.” I laughed, pulling another chair over to her before taking a seat. “But I have heard someone go through basically the entire story in their own words, so...” I never finished the thought, cut off by a slight scoff from the woman.

“I figured. You’re very young.”

“Hey! Young people can read the classics.” I defended, crossing the lower half of my legs and tucking my hands between my knees. It probably gave away some of my nerves, but I figured it was alright considering she wasn’t a profiler and Spencer wasn’t here.

“But you don’t.” She wryly noted.

“Guilty. My boyfriend does, though.” I acquiesced, albeit a bit distracted as my mind decided to focus on those memories rather than the current reality.

“At least you’ve got that exposure. It’s important to learn these things.”

For a second, it felt like I was being lectured by my boyfriend, making it hard not to laugh, which I was pretty sure she didn’t appreciate.

“Can you tell me about it? I want to know if my boyfriend was just making stuff up.” I shrugged, laughing while I found myself avoiding her eyes. She noticed that behavior; most people would.

But to my surprise, she started to explain the book, anyway. Less surprising was the realization that Spencer hadn’t made up any of it. It was clear as day from their similar words that they had definitely read the same book. And if I didn’t know any better, I’d have thought they’d discussed it together, too.

She was more talented than he was at explaining, though. Maybe it was a little bit my fault, considering I always got distracted by his voice. But with her, it really did feel like someone sharing a part of themselves. I could tell how deeply she cared for literature, and it made me more excited to hear about the chaste holy woman that found herself tempted by jealousy and sex.

When her story was winding to an end, I was almost sad that it was over. “You must have been a professor.” I mumbled, having already forgotten the information I was given by the nurses.

She was quick to correct me, her mouth curling into a frown as she said, “I still am. I’m just not on the campus anymore.”

“Of course. Gotta stay sharp, right?” I half-heartedly joked, sitting up from my slouched position. A brief stint of silence stretched between us and glancing at the clock I realized that it would still be a little while until Spencer could come get me. So, I turned back to the woman in front of me, noticing the way she stared out the window as she chewed on her nails.

“Is that why you wanted to visit D.C.?” I wondered aloud, and her response didn’t help assuage that curiosity at all.

“I... have another reason.”

“That sounds very mysterious, Diana.” I giggled, leaning forward and whispering, “Are you secretly a rebel?”

She scoffed, but I detected amusement behind the apparent derision. “Nothing like that.”

As sneaky and vague as she was being, and the fact that I had been warned of her paranoia, I still found myself wanting to ask her what could possibly make her as happy as her current thought.

“So what is it?” I said, leaning back in an effort to seem less insistent, explaining my intentions in a rant reminiscent of my boyfriend. “I don’t mean to pry, I just... you got really happy and I’d love to share in that excitement.”

“That’s just selfish.”

She really was so much like him.

“That’s how you know I won��t judge you.” I pointed out, raising one hand in the air and placing the other on my heart.

“I’m not worried about that.” She just waved her hand at me, ignoring my dramatic gesticulations and sighing as she glanced down at the book once more. After another moment of contemplation, her eyes flicked up to me so quickly I almost missed them, analyzing my features one more time before she carefully said, “I’m here to visit my son.”

“That sounds wonderful.”

Although her expression was anxious, she still seemed at least a little relieved to have shared her plans with someone.

“He is.” She returned, lightly brushing the back of the book, almost like she was trying to remember something etched on the beveled hardcover. “He’s a good boy. Very bright. He has wonderful adventures. He goes all over the country. He used to tell me everything but... he’s gotten too busy for his mother these past few years.”

As I took in the words, I felt the pain in her voice. My heart wrenched in my chest, imagining how awful it must be to not have a chance to talk to your family. “I’m sure he doesn’t mean to ignore you.” At least, I hoped not. She had so many stories to tell, even in just this short window, I couldn’t imagine anyone would want to avoid her. Then again… I knew it could be hard.

“I know he’s busy. That’s why I wanted to come here. It makes it easier for him.” She was confident in her explanation, and I nodded back with similar gusto.

“Have you talked to him yet?”

“No. I’m going to have them call him today.”

We were both happy then, and I clapped my hands together in front of me to suppress the urge to touch her as I excitedly replied, “I hope you get to see him.”

“Me too,” she agreed, simultaneously hopeful and defeated, before turning back to the window with the same wistfulness as before. “If not, the museums will be nice, too.”

“Hey, if you need a docent, I could always call my boyfriend. He would be so excited to talk to a fellow scholar who could actually follow along.” I excitedly replied, rocking forward in my chair with a goofy grin at the thought. She reminded me enough of him that I figured the two would get along. He’d at least understand what she talked about, unlike me.

“There’s no one that can compare to my son.” She warned, narrowing her eyes and pouting in a way I swore I’d seen before on another face.

“I bet. He does sound a lot like him, though. I bet they’d be friends.” The gears in my brain, rusted and slightly worn, started to turn. “They actually might be... my boyfriend lives near here.”

And that was when it hit me, the obvious conclusion I’d been avoiding for some reason. That creeping, unsettling familiarity wasn’t from coincidence; it was my brain recognizing her as an extension of the man I loved.

“...What’s your son’s name?”

She never got to answer, because no sooner had I finished saying the words thanwe both heard Spencer’s voice from the door behind us.

“Mom?”

The realization crashed into all three of us like a goddamn freight train. And even with my flair for the dramatic, I found my head spinning as I tried to will time to rewind itself.

“Spencer? How did you know I was here?” Diana said through a confused gasp, turning to me to see the equally stunned look on my face.

“I didn’t… I—“

They both turned to me, but I was too busy staring halfway between them, my jaw dropped open and my brain suddenly devoid of any helpful thought.

When it decided to finally be helpful, it was only marginally better. “Well… that makes a lot of sense.” I said with a cringeworthy laugh. When neither of them laughed, and continued to stare at me, I quickly shot up from my chair and waved a shaking hand. “You should talk to your mom. I’ll give you guys a minute.”

I didn’t get very far before Spencer’s hand caught my wrist, his wild eyes wide and insistent as he crackled, “Actually, I need a minute alone with you. If that’s okay.”

I turned to Diana for her permission but found nothing useful. She was also still caught up in the disaster that had just occurred, and turned back to her son who seemed genuinely apologetic.

“Sorry mom, I’ll… I’ll be right back.”

Spencer nearly dragged me out of the room, shutting the door and hiding out of sight of any windows. If he was ready to unleash his pent up anxiety, though, he wasn’t quick enough.

“Spencer, what the shit?!” I whisper-yelled, the sound echoing through the sterile hallway.

My boyfriend didn’t have any answers, his hands raking through his hair as he clearly tried to calm his heart and rapid breath. “I’m sorry I— I didn’t know that she was here! What is she doing here?!”

“Oh my god. Shut up. I’m freaking out. What if she thinks I’m weird?” I rambled back, grabbing my chest once I realized that I was freaking out just was badly as the idiot in front of me. Because seriously, he couldn’t tell me his mom’s name so I wouldn’t be blindsided like this?

Then again, I guess I couldn’t talk.

“What did you say to her?” He whispered back, dragging his hands over his face. He seemed eerily calm while asking, considering just how much we could have gotten into during our conversation. Although, I guess it would have been weird to share the more intimate, embarrassing details with a stranger at a hospital.

“I don’t know! We just talked about you!”

“You talked about me?!”

“Well we didn’t know we were both talking about you!” I said was quietly as possible, which was not quiet at all. Waving my arms between us, I tried to explain the jumbled mess in my head. “She was talking about her son and I was talking about my boyfriend and— Actually, that reminds me.”

“What?”

His answer came in the form of a soft thwack on the back of his head. He jumped, raising his hands to his head in both shock and embarrassment at the public chastisement, despite there being no one around to witness it.

“Call your mother, asshole!”

“Ow?! Don’t hit me!” He whined, and I could tell from the tone that the only damage done was to his ego.

“Stop ignoring your mother! You shouldn’t even be out here!” I reminded him, laying my hands against his chest and beginning to push him back towards the door. “Get back in there!”

Spencer’s hands held onto mine, and for the first time in a while I noticed that they were shaking. The lighthearted panic I’d felt seconds before vanished, replaced with a painful sadness that seemed to bleed from him into my hands.

“I’m not trying to ignore her, I just…” His eyes were struggling to focus, and the crackle in his voice warned me that there was something he was trying to avoid saying. “I can explain… This.”

I didn’t need to hear it.

“Explain what?” I meant the question to be an expression of my feelings, but it seemed to freak him out more. Like I actually expected an answer for why his mother was in a program like this. Like the reason he had kept that from me mattered. I already knew the reason he didn’t tell me— It was pretty obvious.

“Spencer, I don’t care that she’s here. That doesn’t bother me.”

From the faraway look in his eyes, I knew he didn’t really believe me. I couldn’t blame him entirely. The shame was clear on his features. But I also knew that nothing I could say in that moment would make him believe me; it would probably take a long time. That was okay. We had time.

“I’m serious. She’s your mother and you love her, so of course I’m going to like her.” I tried to reassure him anyway, and I noticed the small twitch of his pout that slowly turned into a pitiful smile.

Trying to keep that upward trend, I motioned to my absolutely ridiculous outfit and bedhead before I laughed, “I’m mostly just mortified about the fact that I just met your mother looking like this and acting like a fucking moron.”

Thankfully, Spencer laughed back. His hands gripped mine tighter, and through the tears that stayed perched on his eyes without falling, he croaked, “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Just… go see your mom. I’ll go hang out in the cafeteria for a minute.” I jumped up on my toes, yanking my hands back only to them around his neck.

His arms caught me like they always did, holding me so tightly against him that I could feel his heartbeat against my chest. I kissed him just as hard, trying to remind him that there was nothing in the world that could ruin the happiness I felt when he held me.

I held his face as the kiss ended, squishing his cheeks together and warping his smile in the process. I was just grateful that it was still there.

“And take your time talking to her, because I am fucking starving.” I instructed. The crisp hospital air on my skin was cold as he left, but inside my chest, butterflies erupted that kept me warm. He gave me one final goofy wave before we went our separate ways again.

As I wandered through the hospital halls, I wondered if he knew how nervous I actually was. I couldn’t tell him yet; he would misinterpret it, regardless of his profiling skills. He would see the anxiety in my interactions with her as my fear over his future mental state instead of what it really was— fear that the other woman he loved wouldn’t approve of me.

There was no sense in worrying about it yet. Diana and I had shared a great time together as far as I could tell, and I would definitely make sure that Spencer spent more time talking to her in the future. So as depressing as the hospital cafeteria could be, it wasn’t so bad that day.

—————————————————

Being alone with Diana was so much different after I’d learned that she was Spencer’s mother. Then again, we weren’t really alone - Spencer was there, he’d just passed out and somehow ended up with his head against the pillow on my lap. I was a little surprised by how comfortable he was being so touchy feely in front of his mother, but I’d also recognized the exhaustion the second he walked into the hospital. He’d been out cold for at least 10 minutes, and I was barely able to stay awake, myself.

Diana seemed wide awake, though, watching the minute rise and fall of Spencer’s shoulder as he slept. At least, I thought that was what she was watching, but it could have also been my hand stroking his arm.

“My son seems very happy.”

I looked up, shaken by the sudden sound after nearly falling asleep to the rhythm of Spencer’s breath against my knee. “I think that has more to do with you being here.” I said through a yawn.

“I’m not so sure.” That was all she said, quiet and skeptical. Her eyes were scrutinizing everything she could see, and I thanked the stars that I didn’t have to go through this without him here, at least. At least we’d had one nice memory together first.

“Are you the reason he’s been so busy?”

I was dreading the question but had already planned my response. “I hope not. His job is so stressful, and he spends so much of his free time taking care of me.” I looked down at the mop of brown hair that hadn’t been brushed.

When I ran my hand through the ends of his curls, he shifted on my lap, his hand coming up to grab my thigh as he buried his face into the pillow. I chuckled at the clingy movements, which poorly contrasted my words.

“It makes me feel awful.”

I expected her to look disappointed or disturbed by the action, but she mostly just looked… sad.

“He’s good at taking care of people.” She explained, her head jerking away to stare at the lamp beside her. “I made him do it too often.”

Her answer hurt me in more ways than one. It hurt me because I felt the guilt and shame in her voice over something that she had no control over, which was obviously something that should never happen. But it also hurt because I heard myself in it, and I had to ask myself if, just like I had found traits of my father in Spencer, he’d found his mother in me.

Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t be ashamed of being like her - she was brilliant and obviously cared for him deeply. It was the source of the shame that frightened me.

Was he just with me to take care of me? How soon would he grow tired of that? What would happen when I got better? Would I ever? Did I even want to, if that meant he would leave?

They were terrible, awful thoughts to have. So, I did what I was best at, and shoved them back into the corner of my mind to revisit when I was desperate and alone.

“I think he would disagree. He obviously loves you very much.” Was what I said, instead.

“I could say the same for you.” There was a slight bitterness in her words that forced a frown out of me. The words were forceful, almost like a compulsion that she wanted to fight but was too tired to win. She seemed to regret that, too.

“I know my son... and I’ve never seen him like this before.” She pointed to him on my lap, still sound asleep despite the conversation happening above him. “I don’t think he’s ever slept that well with me. And…”

Part of me wanted to tell her that it wasn’t always like this. I wanted her to know that it had nothing to do with any failing of her own, but a failing on the part of the rest of the world for hurting him when neither of us had been there. But she probably felt the same guilt I did that we couldn’t fix those broken parts. Her eyes met mine, and in the reflection, I saw both of our apprehension.

“I’ve never felt like a girl was taking my son away from me before.”

The breath wasn’t knocked from me, but it did fall out of me in a slow, shaky exhale. I didn’t know what to say back, terrified by the implication behind the words just as much as the fact she felt them.

“He’ll always be yours first.” I promised her, refusing to look away from her eyes even as she refused to meet them. I needed her to know that I would never be a threat to them. That all I wanted or cared about was that he was happy and safe, and that I knew she felt the same.

“Then he should call me more.” Diana said, wry humor bleeding back into the conversation despite how heavy it had become.

“I’ll make sure he does.” I answered, my hands resuming their gentle soothing motions. I saw her hand mimicking the actions against her blanket and found myself wondering about things I’d never ask her. I knew virtually nothing about his childhood aside from the prodigy thing, but it was clear that his father was not in the picture, and that he was very close with his mother.

I couldn’t blame her for wanting to protect him. Just as I had thought it, she’d said it herself.

“When you’re kind like my son, the world will eat you alive if no one is protecting you.”

Maybe Spencer had gotten that mind reading trait from his mother, rather than his profiler training, I thought.

“Are you going to protect him?”

I wasn’t ready for that question. Honestly, I hadn’t even considered it. In all the time we’d been together, I’d selfishly worried about how any harm to him would affect me. In my defense, it had always seemed the more likely scenario.

I was so worried about being the source of his hurt or not being able to fix it that I never thought about how I could prevent it. It almost felt… inevitable. Everyone who loved me got hurt, and he’d already made up his mind on that topic.

“I’m going to try.” The hesitance in my voice gave away my anxieties, and Diana spoke quicker and bolder.  

“You said he takes care of you, but what do you do for him?”

The walls were closing in on me, and I couldn’t fucking breathe. My hand on Spencer’s arm grabbed his shirt before I noticed. I wanted him to be awake, to hold me and tell me that it would be okay. I wanted to be far away from that conversation— that question.

“I-I…” I mumbled, trying to flatten my hand as his mother saw it, trying to act like I wasn’t a fucking child clinging to her boyfriend to save her from a question she didn’t have a satisfying answer to.

It was too late, and Diana covered her mouth as she looked away. “I see.” She said before we both went silent.

The silence didn’t help either, though. If anything, it felt worse. Like my chest had been torn open and she could see all the contents, and the longer I gave her to draw her own conclusions about what she saw, the worst they would become.

That was stupid, right? I couldn’t tell. She liked me, right? Did it matter?

“He told me he wants to get married and have kids and I’m just...” I started to ramble, my hands now hovering above Spencer as I stared down at him, still sleeping soundly like the world wasn’t crushing me above him. In a panic, I looked up to Diana with what I can only assume was a terrified, frantic look. “I’m worried. I’m scared that he won’t be as happy as he could be if he stays with me instead of... someone else. And that question scares me because I still don’t know why he cares about me so much when I can’t give him half of what he gives me.”

My chest heaved from a combination of the lack of breath and skyrocketing pulse. Diana peered at me through her peripherals, a battle visible behind her gaze.

“Most people would be scared to admit that. Especially to his mother.” She thought out loud, and I knew she was weighing my open admission to determine how likely it was that I was lying.

“I figured lying would be worse. I know honesty is important to your family.” I confessed, hoping that my openness wouldn’t come back to bite me in the ass. “I don’t ever want to lie to either of you.”

I left off the ‘again.’

“You know what I think?” Diana said, tapping her chin and readjusting the blanket over her legs as she found a way to be more comfortable with the tension floating in the air.

I took it as a good sign. I hoped it was a good sign. I looked at her in anticipation.

“I think... you two will be happier than you think.” Diana’s lips curled ever so slightly as she held her own hand, rubbing the back of her hand the same way Spencer often rubbed mine. “Love is more than similar beliefs. It’s wanting to share your life with someone. Wanting to see them happy.”

Despite the content of her words, it didn’t feel like a lecture. It was… warm, and comforting. Her voice sounded familiar and loving and safe. She was the one who had taught Spencer to talk.

“I love my son more than anything else in the world. I won’t let anyone take him away unless I’m positive that he will be happy.” Diana finished; the warning grave but her voice quiet.

“I understand.” I replied just as softly, finally looking back down to Spencer. My heart felt like it would burst from the image. As much as I wanted him to see me and his mother having a heart to heart, it was best not to worry him with our battling affections, no matter how minimal the risk.

“Do you love him?”

The question hung in the air because I was still so caught up in his face that I almost forgot she couldn’t read my mind.

“Yes.” I felt the tears forming in my eyes as I breathlessly repeated, “Yes, I do. I love him.”

Diana must have heard the strain in my voice and seen the tiredness in my eyes, because the threatening tone faded. “Then take care of him.” She said, more like a plea than a demand. “Take care of him like I never could, because you know how much he deserves it.”

I nodded, excitedly and happily, my voice breaking and interrupted by a hard swallow to rid myself of the lump in my throat when I said, “I will.”

With perfect timing, Spencer’s body jerked under my hand as it found its way back to his shoulder. “What are you guys talking about?” He slurred before even opening his eyes, clearly bothered by the lost time wherein his mother and I could have spoken about any number of horrifying things.

“We were just saying it’s time for me to head out.” I lied, and Diana’s sly smirk was enough of an indication for me to feel alright about it. It was funny—I’d just told her I never wanted to lie to him, but this one seemed pretty harmless. She deserved alone time with her son, after all.

“Do you want me to drive you?” He finally sat up, rubbing his face to try and get rid of the creases that had formed from the pillow’s texture.

I laughed at the question because he was so obviously not in a position to drive. It wouldn’t be the first time I’d gotten an Uber after leaving his place, and I was sure it wouldn’t be the last. At least this time wasn’t a walk of shame.

“No, I’m fine. You stay here and spend time with your mom. Awake, this time.” I warned, poking him on the nose and earning a playful giggle from the grown man at my side. “She came a long way. She deserves it.”

He quickly got me back, grabbing my face and pulling me forward to plant a kiss on my forehead. And as much as I would have preferred one on the lips, I was grateful for his sudden modesty in front of his mother. It still felt strange.

“Okay. I love you. Drive safe please. And tell me when you get home.” He instructed as I nodded along, already having memorized the speech from every time I’d ever left him.

“Of course.” I murmured through a somewhat embarrassed pout before I got up and grabbed my things.

Before I made my way to the door, I stopped, turning to see Spencer take the seat beside his mother. She took his hand, but she looked at me. I thought about hugging her but knew that Spencer’s company was far superior to mine, and that every second I distracted her was one less she got with him. So, I settled for a wave and a smile.

“Goodnight Diana. Thanks for the talk.”

“Goodnight.” She returned, with a contented smile washing over her as her son rested his head on her shoulder. The final image of the two of them happy in each other’s company was enough to satisfy me until the next time I saw him. Because, like we’d just discussed, he was happy, and that was all that mattered.

As I opened the door to leave, she spoke again. “Thank you.” She said, and I knew she was talking about more than the conversation.

“Anytime.”

—————————————————

| Part 19 |

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moldy-mold · 2 years

Text

2022

Happy New Year, my friends!

I spent 2 weeks back home with my family. Xmas was very small and our holiday meal was humble yet enjoyable. It wasn’t until later when my extended family showed up that it really stirred up some drama. To put simply, things got too heated in the end and we won’t be seeing them anymore. Next year, Xmas will be just me, my bro and my parents, which honestly sounds great. 2022, I suppose like 2021, will be spent making the most of what we have and appreciating it.

I rolled up the cooking sleeves this Xmas... Made eggnog, spiked cheesecake, egg coffee, pumpkin cookies... Became a wine enthusiast lol. I know, it’s about time eh. If there’s any time I’ve ever felt so 30 years old... it’s right now.

My bro was introduced to Xenoblade 2 since I was still finishing it up over vacation. Like with most things, he did a 1-week speed-run of the game while we were still together and nearly caught up to me (which is pretty much the end). Just hours before we had to part ways, I loaded up my file and decided to beat the game so he could see the ending. On New Year’s Eve! You better believe I started Torna on Jan 1st. Starting the 2022 off right, folks...

When I think about last year, I realize I was put to the test in many ways and came out better for it. Learned some things about myself, made some embarrassing choices. Broke some friendships, gained some. It really is just about doing the things that you feel will improve your life and letting people go if they’re not meant for you. I try not to worry too much about my choices. I’m gonna be okay and they’re gonna be okay.

No NY resolutions this year, it’s the circumstances’ turn to change.

The Plant Saga

I feel like this new addition perfectly embodies my taste. Bold. Tropical. AND RED! It’s not that exotic but I think the challenge is keeping it healthy for many years and getting it to bloom again. Most people just throw them out when holidays are over...

I have named him Lloyd.

Most Enjoyable Webtoons

I started reading Webtoons last Xmas so it was my 1-year anniversary lol. It became more than just entertainment. I’ve actually learned so much about storytelling!

These are my top 5:

Mystical: An artist awakens a mysterious life form from the sea. She wants to learn about where she came from and where she is now.

Mom, I’m Sorry: An ungrateful son sacrifices 40 years of his lifespan to save his mom from dying. When she wakes up, she’s back to being 20 years old. Wanting to make up for his mistakes, he gives his mom a second chance at achieving her dreams. T_T

Novae: A necromancer and astronomer discover the mysteries of their culturally rich and complex world... amidst a series of murders.

Remarried Empress: A dangerously intelligent woman navigates herself gracefully through political and emotional drama within the palace.

Your Letter: A girl finds a series of mysterious letters to aid her through the troubles of fitting-in in a new school.

Nerd Stuff

My roommate and I finally beat Xillia 2 when we got back from our respective vacations. Wow it was something. From gameplay to plot to mechanics, that was the weirdest Tales game ever. Not my most loved game, but I had a good time. We’re trying to make it through the Ex dungeon and boy, do I feel TESTED.

Not that this is anything new, but I am in the mood for retro anime (which is all the time, but I feel it especially strong nowadays). I feel terribly indifferent to current shows so I’ll be taking a journey to explore 80s anime OVAs. The animation quality, copious amounts of sci-fi, and art styles intrigue me. Recs appreciated!

Last but not least, I will account my greatest achievement of 2021: getting my friends into Lupin III. The sweet, sweet feeling of finally being united in one fandom again after years of us never being aligned!

We tried out this video sharing site called kosmi and it works pretty well for us. You can decorate your lobby with... stuff LOL.

Finished Watching... Lupin III Part IV ◆◆◆ Lupin III Part V ◆◆◇ Cowboy Bebop (Netflix Live Action) ◆◇◇ Single’s Inferno ◆◇◇ Interstellar ◆◆◇ Spider-Man No Way Home ◆◆◇ Aggretsuko S4 ◆◆◆ Pet Shop of Horrors ◆◆◆ Lupin III vs Detective Conan ◆◆◇ Lupin III: Dragon of Doom ◆◆◇ Kuroko no Basuke S1, S2 ◆◆◇

Hmmm... all in all, I have higher hopes for this year! I hope I don’t clown myself for saying that.

Thanks for reading!

#diary

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kpurereactions · 3 years

Note

I love your works, they’re beautifully written. 💯 maybe you could do a MX reaction to drunkenly confessing to their best friend and just being all cute.

Shownu:

When he walked into the restaurant he would be frantic. The voice mails you had left him while he was working late at the studio were nonsense and scared him enough to try to come find you. Hed take a deep breath of relief when he saw you with two of your friends, who were just as drunk as you were, giggling over something you said. Hed walk up to your table and sit next to you, taking your chin in his hand as he evaluated just how drunk you were. “Is is my buhfrng.” You slurred. His eyebrows would furrow at your words. He wasn't your boyfriend. “well,” You continued holding one finder up to your giggling friends. “Im wmbt him to be. But he doesn't love me back.” You said, swaying forward before clasping your hand over your mouth and giggling. “Why dont you want to be my boyfriend.” You'd ask sternly, sitting up suddenly and putting your hands on your hips. Hed chuckle, completely shocked at what it was he was hearing. Hed put his arm around you and ask your friends if they had paid before making sure they had a safe way home. Hed help you stand up the best he could and lead you out of the restaurant with as little casualties to the plates on the surrounding tables.

Once outside hed get you on his back. There would be no reason to even attempt to make you walk back to your apartment, no matter how short of a distance it was. Hed think about your words and it would bring a smile to his lips. “So, you want me to be your boyfriend?” Hed say softly, walking slow through the now quiet street. When you grumbled what sounded like a yes, probably already half asleep hed blush and look at his feet. Hed know this conversation would have to wait until the next day, but the idea of how mortified you'll be was enough to keep him giggling as he walked you home.

Wonho:

You usually called him drunk, so at this point in your friendship he knew if you were calling him, you were probably already in a cab on your way home, if not home already. Hed see your name flash across his screen at 2:30 am, and hed smiled. You were kind of cute when you were drunk. “Youmb told me to call. When i got in cab. So i did well.” You slurred. Hed smile to himself. He did always tell you that when you get into cabs this late at night to call him so nothing would happen. “Did you have a good time tonight?” Hed ask, throwing his pen on his desk and folding one arm over his chest. “No.” You pouted. “Everything okay?” Hed ask, now getting ready to get to you if you needed him. “You hatme.” “I do not hate you, why would you say that.” “Because,” you said in a very matter of fact voice. “you wont lob me bak.” “I do love you!” Hed say, trying to keep you smiling. “Not like I love you.”

The phone would be silent and hed listen as you sniffled, trying to keep your tears back. Without truly thinking hed grab his coat and leave the building, hed run the few blocks to your apartment, still holding you on the phone and thankfully he got there right as your cab was pulling up. As the door swung open he heard you mumble “He hung up on me.” as your head hung. When you finally noticed him standing there hed welcome you with a big hug and would lift your chin so you had to look at him, a smile plastered across his face.

Minhyuk:

Drinking together was a usual thing with you two. Usually all of the members would be present, but this time everyone seemed to leave early. You and Minhyuk would sit there, drunk and on the floor looking at one another. It was his idea to play a game of truth or truth, seeing as the two of you were both a little too drunk to add the dare part. You would catch him off guard when you asked him why he wouldnt date you. “What do you mean?” “Oh come on, everyone knows I like you.” Youd say, and hed watch you intently as you took a deep sip of your drink. “I honestly had no idea.” Hed say, smiling to himself as he thought back to all the things you did for him that he thought were cute. “Okay, Y/n.” Hed say getting your attention. “Dare or dare.” “Thats not the game. And you didnt even answer my question.” “Come on, dare or dare.” Hed say again, his cheeks slightly turning pink. “dare.” “I dare you to kiss me.”

Kihyun:

He was supposed to come over to hang out, but like most nights the two of you actually had plans to see one another something came up and he had to leave early. You didn't realize how late it had gotten or how many beers you had to drink until you stood for the last time to hit the bathroom and you stumbled into the chair next to you. You laughed. How cliche of you.

Peeing seemed to only make you more drunk, so when you returned to your balcony and sat down you stared at your phone. Your head screamed to not call him, but your head also wasn't listening. You let your finger trace the patterns of the wooden chair you sat on while the ringing seemed to fill the night sky.

When he answered the phone in a sleepy voice you exclaimed. You didn't realize he would already be asleep, so you brought your voice down to a whisper.

‘Did I wake you?’ You'd hear him chuckle as he realized you were slightly drunk. He’d talk to you like you hadn't just woken him up, telling you about his night and answering all the questions you asked him with a soft voice. When you finally in a small voice told him that you were disappointed he had left because this was the night you were going to tell him you had a crush on him he would pause. He wouldn't say anything as he made sure what he had heard you say was what he really heard and when he realized there was nothing else it could have been that you said he would take a breath of a relief and tell you that he liked you too.

Hyungwon:

You didn't mean to get drunk at dinner. It was an honest mistake. You were too drunk, just drunk enough to say things you usually wouldn't. The boys all laughed at your goofiness. Hyungwon was nice enough to take you back to your apartment once you all were done and tired from dinner. He didn't think much about the situation as you took his hand and let your head fall his shoulder. He’d listen to you mumble as you talked about the most random things there when put together. But when you softly said ‘And thats why Im in love with you. I really love you.” He’d stiffen. He wouldn't say anything since you continued to talk against his neck now that you've cuddled up with him.

The next day when you woke up and everything came back to you he’d figured you would be too mortified to reach out. So by the time you woke up he made sure you would wake up to a text that asked you to dinner so he could tell you his feelings were mutual.

Jooheon:

You and Jooheon usually had parties of two on the regular since no one liked to have as much fun on random week days as the two of you. This time it was a Wednesday and the only reason your hang out turned into a party of two was becuase a new commercial Jooheon did was airing. As the night went on you definently drank more and more and soon the two of you began to dance along to the songs that now played through the TV. You spun with a smile on your face, giggling as Jooheon clapped at your moves. Your arms went around his neck as he came closer to dance with you, but was slightly shocked at the sudden contact. You smiled at his arms that eventually wrapped tightly around your waist. “I really like you, Jooheon.” You said softly, quickly dipping your head into your arm that rested on his shoulder. Your stomach dropped when he slightly pulled away, forcing you to look at him. “I really like you too.” He said, even softer than you, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he very slowly dips his head to kiss you softly.

Changkyun:

The loud thumping music made it hard to communicate with the boys sitting around you, so as the night went on and the drinks continued to pour you kept scooting closer and closer to Changkyun and the rest of the boys to hear what they were saying better. Your group kept taking turns getting up going to the dance floor until it was just the two of you sitting at the large round table. The two of you sat close, Changkyuns arm draped over the back of the chair you sat in as he lent in to speak with you. For what ever reason your heart was exploading as he smiled and slightly licked his bottom lip, almost teasing you. Not caring who saw, he lent in and kissed your suddenly. Just a soft, three second kiss that made your eyes go wide and your hands move to cover your lips. You watched him stare at you with a smug smile, and softly asked him what that was for. “Well since youve told everyone but me how youve been feeling I figured I’d help you out.” He said, all the teasing in his voice now gone. “Ive liked you for a long time.” You said, shyly, still in shock from the kiss. “Me too.”

Kitty

#monsta x #monsta x reaction #shownu #minhyuk #wonho #kihyun #hyungwon #jooheon #Changkyun

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spiderling-space · 3 years

Note

Could I please request MC as that conspiracy guy with the hidden mickey’s? I saw it on your prompts list and I am still laughing at the possibilities!

Thank you Rell for asking this when the inbox was open and finally igniting green light for me <33<33

I decided that this idea is too crack to only apply to numbered characters so this is going to be a mini-series and crossposted on AO3. This mini-series is based on this prompt I have.

There will be 9 chapters in total including prologue and epilogue. I can’t promise any update schedule, I go with the flow. A meme to summarize the fic.

Special thanks to @serenitystarrie for allowing me to utilize their perfectly organized Hidden Mickey Mouse locations.

The Prologue's Locations #1 and #2. Spoiler yourselves on your own risk.

Italics indicate thoughts

Everywhere I Go, I See His Sign

Prologue

No one could blame (Y/N) for occupying themselves with something else to stay awake during Trein’s class. It wasn’t their fault at all, there was just something in Trein’s voice that made people want to sleep. So they just tried to focus on everything but Trein and to be the only one who managed to stay awake in their friend group. At first, (Y/N) just stared outside through the window get got bored and started to count the bricks on the wall but there weren’t much to begin with and their endeavor ended quickly. Their eyes flicked to the bookshelf, it was impossible to read the titles from where they were sitting, hence that didn’t hold their attention for long.

Maybe I should start listening to what Trein is saying, I might learn something.

Not a minute later, (Y/N) was yawning. So much for trying… They decided listening to the professor wasn’t going to work out, in order to stay awake, they continued where they left off. On the top of the bookshelf, there was a purple globe and golden signs on the surface, curved lines and a couple of dots. I bet there are more than 10 dots on it. 1…2…3…4… (Y/N) stopped counting when they noticed an abnormality on the globe. There was a shape that didn’t follow the pattern, two small circles were connected to a bigger one. That’s strange… Everything is in perfect condition in the NRC… Maybe they didn’t notice something as small as that. Either way, there was no point of thinking about something as trivial as that. Though, it was way more entertaining than the history class.

(Y/N) poked Ace, “Shhhht, how many minutes left until the class is over?”

Ace opened his one eye and glared at them for waking him up. He took a peek at his phone told them that 13 minutes left then he went back to sleep.

13 more minutes… It seemed like they started the class hours ago and it still had 13 more minutes. As (Y/N) waited the time to pass, they kept glancing at the globe above the shelf as if the abnormal mark on it was calling for them.

------------------------

Finally, the class was over and it was lunchtime. The gang went to the cafeteria and was waiting in the line, chatting about the assignments Trein gave after he saw people sleeping. (Y/N) was having fun at their expense because they didn’t get an assignment for being awake during the class. Ace, Deuce and Grimm were complaining about the amount of pages they were going to write, which was making (Y/N) crack. They turned their head to the side to conceal their chuckle. While they were turning back, a shape on the wall caught their eyes. There on the wall between the torch and the column stood the 2 small circles being connected to the bigger circle, just like the one they saw during the class. This one was bigger since it could have been seen from distance.

Before (Y/N) could dwell on the shape anymore, the line moved and it was their turn to grab the food. They dismissed the thoughts about the shape, thinking that they saw wrong. It was food time and there was no need to think about anything else.

After getting their lunch, the gang went over to sit at their usual table. “I think you should have gotten an assignment too, (Y/N).” Ace talked before taking a bite out of his meal. “You weren’t sleeping but you weren’t paying attention either. Right, Deuce?”

Deuce was in the middle of chewing his meal when Ace tried to include him in the discussion. He answered after gulping, “They managed to stay awake. I think that deserves an award.”

Ace’s face cringed, “Traitor.” He then turned to Grimm tp get his support. “C’mon~ You must agree with me.” Unfortunately for him, Grimm was too busy chunking the food down his throat, completely ignoring Ace who finally shut up after getting no support.

“I’ll help you pick up the books since I’m a supportive friend.” (Y/N) said cheekily, chuckling afterward. They really needed to go the library too. Grimm needed the books to finish the assignment and he wasn’t capable of carrying them with his tiny paw-paws.

Their stomach grumbled, reminding them to eat sustenance. After (Y/N) finished eating, they pushed their tray further onto the table so they could have space to put their hands on while they waited others to be done with their food as well. There, on the table, was another symbol, the 3 circles one looking almost identical to the others they saw. They openly stared at the symbol, tracing the outline with their fingers. Am I imaging things? The one on the globe could be a stain and the one on the wall could be the deformation of the brick. And this one… Maybe a mistake of the carpenter. Though, it is strange to see mistakes such as this in the NRC.

They must have zoned out too much because Deuce was tapping them on the shoulder. “Our next class is about the start.”

“If you want, we can leave you alone with the table. Seems like you are falling in love with it.” Ace quipped as he took his tray from the table and started walking to the trash.

“Jerk…” (Y/N) mumbled under their breath.

“Hey, henchperson!” Grimm was pulling their sleeve. “Carry me!” It was annoying that Grimm was giving them comment but he was small and cute so they didn’t mind carrying him occasionally. They allowed Grimm to climb on their shoulder and took both his and their trays to throw away the trash and put them to where the dirty trays are collected.

After putting the trays, they exited the cafeteria, then changed into the sports uniform in the locker room. The moment the bell rang, Vargas told everyone to start doing warm-ups, followed by 10 laps around the field and 30 pushups. (Y/N) held themselves back from groaning, not wanting to increase the number of laps or pushups.

(Y/N) was only human and not the most athletic person in the world and they doubted even the most athletic person could run 10 laps without stopping for a moment to take a breath. They sat on the grass, trying to adjust their breathing as they were looking around. They had to admit the sports field had a perfectly splendid sight with all the shades of green.

They were about to get up and continue on the track when they spotted a sign on one of the bushes. 3 circles again? It was dark green colored, standing out on the bushes. Was it always there or is my brain playing tricks on me and making me see things? They decided to check the sign from a closer distance to make sure it is real.

“(Y/N)! 2 more laps for trying to sneak away!” (Y/N) startled as Vargas’ voice boomed on the field. Damn it! They just got punished because the sign distracted them. “You will have two more if you keep standing there!”

(Y/N) knew there was no point in arguing against Vargas unless they wanted to add more laps as punishment so they ignored the sign and went back on the track. I will take a closer look after the class.

--------------------

Unfortunately for (Y/N), they were too exhausted to move a finger, let alone have the energy to examine the weird symbol after the class ended. They just wanted to get back to Ramshackle, take shower, eat junk food and never get up from the bed but they still had one more stop to make, the library. Because of Grimm’s actions, they needed to walk more. God damn it… I can’t feel my legs.

Finally, they reached the library and began browsing for the book. Grimm started looking at the book on the computer and find which aisle it was located, meanwhile (Y/N) sat on one of the seats as they waited for him. Yeet, I hope we don’t need to get one of those floating books. What is even their purpose? Students would spend extra effort to see the title of the book and waste time. Or are they here for aesthetics? They sighed, lowering their head. What an unnecessary way of using magic… They had to admit the library was impressive, having all those books while looking at the endless corridor of the library. As Grimm was still looking for the book, they turned their attention to the other objects of the library. None of the lamps were in the same shape and the columns had different designs. One of them had frequent dots while the other more scattered dots. Their attention turned to the other column between Aisle I and II which had larger dots than the others.

Wait for a second… Is that? (Y/N) got up from their seat and stepped towards that column, crouching to see the sign better. Are you kidding me? Here too? Nope! This is just some random symbol, there is no way, it is the same one I saw in other places. Besides, all other columns have dots. Coincidentally, this one had two circles connected to a bigger one. (Y/N) was determined to just forget about it since they knew it would be a ridiculous idea for these signs to have a pattern.

“Hey Henchperson, I found the name of the book now bring me it.” Grimm ordered them as usual. Normally, (Y/N) would teach him some manner but they were too tired to care so they asked which aisle the book was in so they can grab it and go back to Ramshackle.

As soon as Grimm told them the number of the aisle and the book and the color of the book as well, (Y/N) didn’t wait for Grimm and just went to grab it. They were looking at the shelf numbers in that disorganized aisle. Libraries are supposed to be tidy and organized. Why is everything in this school so chaotic? And who even color codes the books?! This should be a crime!

“Alright green color and number 4…” They whispered faintly, looking at all the shades of green and number 4 then checking the title. After checking a couple of books, their attention turned to 3rd shelf. “Ah there you are, The Developments in the Last 100 years. Finally, I can go to my bed.” Whilst they were reaching for the book, the red book with golden marks caught their attention. The book wasn’t titled, having only shapes on it, that 3 circles shape was one of them. Maybe the book is about the meaning of this symbol. I’ll check it out after resting. They grabbed both Grimm’s book and the red colored one and walked towards Grimm. Together, they checked out the books from the librarian and head over to Ramshackle.

---------------------------

(Y/N) couldn’t wait to get read the strange book so that they would know they aren’t seeing unordinary things. As soon as they entered their dorm, Grimm dashed to the kitchen saying that sports class and the library made him hungry. They were also hungry and would never say no to some snacks. They put the books on the coffee table in the lounge before joining Grimm.

Grimm and (Y/N) brought their snacks to the lounge and sat on the couch, chatting while eating their respective food though Grimm tried to take what’s on their plate 5 times at least. After finishing their food, (Y/N) leaned back on the couch and stretched themselves out. Then they just looked around the lounge. It looked way more different than the first night they stayed there. Now everything was tidy and organized. Dare they said, it was cozy and the fireplace just increased the coziness of Ramshackle.

Hold up… The clock on the fireplace caught their eye and they got up to see it better. This age-old clock has that symbol too. I can understand the others since they are fairly new but this dorm hasn’t been occupied for decades. They wondered if there are more signs in the lounge so they turned around, their eyes scanning the room quickly. There was another mark in the lounge, on the painting hanging above the door. Hmmm, that could be the painter’s signature or something.

“Why are you acting weird?” Grimm asked after burping. Ew!

“Nothing nothing… I’ll just go take shower then nap. You do Trein’s assignment. I’m not going to lower my score because of you.” (Y/N) wasn’t going to tell Grimm about the symbols before they were certain that there was a pattern with it. Now they were going to search upstairs if there were more signs while Grimm was busy downstairs then took shower because the smell of sweat was killing their nostrils. “And don’t even think about slacking off or you won’t sleep on the bed tonight.”

With that, (Y/N) took the red book and headed towards their bedroom, putting the book on the small table near the armchair. Then they took off their shoes to not make noise as they searched the rooms for that damned sign.

Here I go…

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst mc #twisted wonderland mc #twst grim #twisted wonderland grim #twst imagines #twisted wonderland imagines #ficlet #gender neutral reader

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suometar · 3 years

Text

youtube

Power song of the day: Wake up by Smash into Pieces

You can not resist, like a moth to a flame -- You know it will burn, but sometimes you enjoy the pain

This is your favorite game -- But you're gonna be defeated -- And you're never gonna beat it -- Controls you like a slave -- But you gotta stop pretending -- You won't get a happy ending

(Chorus) Someday you're gonna wake up -- Gonna wake up -- From a life in fantasy -- Someday you're gonna wake up -- Gonna wake up -- And realize it's not meant to be -- You stumble in the dark cause you close your eyes -- Guided by the sweet talk lullaby -- But someday you will wake up -- You will wake up From a life in fantasy -- Wake up!

You try to cut everyone out of your life -- So no one can question how you can believe the lies

This is your favorite game -- But you're gonna be defeated -- And you're never gonna beat it -- Controls you like a slave -- But you gotta stop pretending -- You won't get a happy ending

(Chorus)

You're in the fire, what do you do? -- You wake up -- The final round is waiting for you

(Chorus)

Why? Well...

I'm coming down from mania.

Which sucks. And here's a glimpse into my 30 or so years experience of this nonsense.

But before I say more I want to say to everyone who I have been venting during the last month or so:

Please don't think that you have contributed in making my situation worse. You haven't. The fuel for all of it comes from within myself. I am nothing but crateful that I have had a chance to vent to someone because otherwise it all would've just clumped inside me and that would've made the situation worse.

And besides, not all venting has been caused just by mania. When I'm manic it doesn't remove the normal thoughts and feelings I have.

When you're stuck in a tar pit created by a certain person for who knows how many years in a row it's obvious it's not just the mania. I think you guys know what that's like :D

Coming down is like a really really really REALLY bad hangover

Except that you can remember every single thing you've done, the things you've felt, the things you've planned, what you thought of. EVERYTHING.

And you KNOW they're all just a result of the chemical imbalance of your own brain.

Coming down doesn't mean necessarily that I'm now depressed. It's just getting back to your normal state from mania.

But the bad hangover is real. If you've experienced that you know what it's like. Regrets after regrets.

What's mania like

That ecstacy of mania is an immense rush you don't really know unless you've experienced it yourself.

It's difficult to describe, but I think falling in love really hard and fast is the closest that describes it best. You have butterflies in your stomach all the time, you're hyperfixating on that one person and you feel invincible, like everything in your life is finally perfect and you're in control like never before.

Or even better: It's like being on speed, except without the drugs. Overstimulated 24-7-365.

Hyperfixation is typical for mania

In my case the hyperfixation can be basically anything from men (real or fictional, doesn't really matter lol) to any action, hobby or even work, totally depends on the situation.

What I do is I dedicate all my time to that one thing and one thing only even though I know it's not healthy.

Thank god I've learned to control it so that it won't take ALL of my time anymore, but it still is there. And I need to cater it to some extent or I won't be able to do anything.

It's like having a parasite you can't get rid of but you can make it behave if you give it some attention from time to time.

What's real and what's not? That is the question

When you're having mania it's sometimes super hard to differentiate what's a real thought and what is based on the illusion created by your own mind. And even though I am nowadays capable to tell the difference of my real thoughts/feelings and the ones fueled by mania the later ones do have an effect on me even though I try not to react to them.

The tricky thing is that your body can't tell the difference of a so called real/normal thought/feeling and one created inside my head fueled by mania.

A manic person wants nothing more than get more of the dopamine that fuels the ecstacy. Which easily can lead to a psychotic episode/period.

The saddest part is that manic person usually looks and behaves exactly like any normal person. You can't tell from outside if someone is having mania unless they choose to show it. Psychotic then usually is clearly psychotic and erratic and behaves totally out of character.

Triggers for mania

Anything can basically be a trigger for mania and they vary from person to person. For me it's usually one of the following:

an extreme negative change in life (such as death, divorce or other big things like that),

finding a new crush,

intensive concentration on some activity,

social media, or

as surprising as it might be: music. Especially any with a faster tempo.

Usually though I have already been somewhat hypomanic before the real mania hits. Hypomania though is very hard to notice because I'm somewhat easily excited and impulsive already by nature.

But I've lived with this so long that I know when it's going overboard. My manic mind just usually chooses to say it's nothing and I believe it like a fool - because it feels so good.

This time the trigger for me was intensive concentrating on writing. While the writing was crucial in easing my general anxiety this time it had this unfortunate side effect.

Nonetheless, I'm not quitting writing. Because the anxiety has eased significantly from when I started. I probably need to change the subject for a while and not to write daily or limit it just for 30 mins a day.

How a new crush can happen when you're married, you ask?

Oh, easily. See, with a manic mind a marriage is nothing but an obstacle. Nothing is but an obstacle that is designed to limit you. Because you're omnipotent. And obstacles - well, they're made to be conquered or plowed through.

In my case I've chosen to keep my crushes online and physically as far away from me as possible. I've made a mistake of crushing into someone irl and that was UGLY for all parties involved.

Thirsting over someone from afar online while remaining happily married is by far a better option.

How to control mania or turn it off

Yes, you can turn it off. The problem with that is that usually manic person doesn't

feel like something is wrong, and

doesn't want to get down from the high.

But there are things you can do to get it end sooner.

Log off from all social media. Seriously. Don't just turn notifications off - LOG OFF.

If that's not enough, remove all the social media apps from your phone. You can always install them again.

Turn off your phone if it's possible.

Don't use computer unless it is absolutely necessary - like for paying bills. You don't need to find out what age Barbara Streissand is at 2:30am - or, well, ever.

Social media is by far the biggest contributor for mania. The apps are designed to give us a dopamine rush each time we scroll down any feed and see a new post. That's how they keep us stuck on them.

When you already have an issue with the dopamine rush using social media just makes it worse.

You won't miss anything if you log off for two days or a week. SERIOUSLY. But it will improve your well-being tremendously.

The absolutely best thing you can do is to create as dull environment to yourself as possible. That there's nothing artificial you can drown yourself into. Best place to be in mania is in the middle of the woods without any mobile signal - trust me.

Take up an activity where you do something with your hands. Hands-on approach is crucial.

Doing things with your hands will root you into the real world.

It doesn't matter what it is: cooking, cleaning, handcrafts, drawing or painting (NOT on a computer or ipad but with real pencils/crayons/paints/brushes/etc).

Remember not to do just that though. Go out (without your phone). Enjoy the nature. Listen to the sounds of the outside world. Don't close your senses with headphones. Read. Watch out of the window. Stare at the wall. Watch the paint dry.

LET YOURSELF GET BORED.

Just stay away from any electronic devices.

The hangover is horrible but it'll pass. And you will feel better afterwards when you're functional again.

------

It's not easy. None of us chose to live with bipolar. It's always inherited. But there are ways to work through it.

I hope this helps at least someone.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

#bipolar disorder #bipolar #bipolar mania #coping skills #mental health tips #thoughts from the crypt #long post

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axiang-n-chengling-s-dads · 3 years

Text

Pacing Issues in SHL/WoH

Rather I should name this issues that would be fixed with the correct pacing (ie a few extra scenes), but whatever. To preface ik the show had time and budget constraints, and ofc censorship, and love the show a lot. But these were a few areas where I thought a 4-5 min scene could also mostly fix things.

1. Wen Kexing's Fake Death:

That Wkx has to fake his death is obvious. Zhao Jing is hell bent on killing Wkx and the Ghost Valley, the most Wkx can do is set it up on his own terms to fake his death, which is why he returns to the Ghost Valley. There is also the fact that Wkx's death as the Ghost Valley Leader metaphorically marks the end of his kill-everyone revenge. Now when he comes back to take revenge, he does it in a righteous manner as the son of Zhen Ruyu avenging his parents death.

I would be remiss as a Sherlock fan if I did not compare this to Sherlock's Reichenabch Fake Death-- as he does not tell John, so does Wkx not tell Zzs.

That Wkx does not tell Zzs initially is understandable:

Zzs as we know is pretty injured. He has just come back from facing a lot of torture from the Prince, and already he had his Nail Problem ™. As we're told, Zzs needs to rest, and get into better health so that the nails can be removed.

Wkx's plan is at best risky-- how to be assured that only Chengling kills him? And not any of the hundreds present there? What if things go wrong, as they can at any moment? Zzs would at the least want to help Wkx, play a part-- which is dangerous for him as he's still injured.

So ofc in Wkx's mind it's best if he's not told until the plan is completed. Wkx makes sure to only tell those who are necessary to the plan, just like Sherlock does, telling only Molly, Mycroft and the Homeless network.

At this point we also know Gu Xiang did not know of the plan. As was pointed in another person's meta-- Wkx is a lone wolf, accustomed to relying only on himself and the bare minimum ppl required.

Moreover, there's the fact that Zzs was not supposed to be there during Wkx's death, just like John was not supposed to be there at Sherlock's death. In both cases John and Zzs suddenly pop-up and you can see that Wkx is anxious as he tries to keep Zzs away from him ("I lied to you Zhou Zi Shu" just like Sherlock says "I am a con man, it was all a trick").

When Zzs comes to take revenge, everyone other than him seems to know Wkx is alive. Why? The answer is that, as we see, Zzs probably ran away and was in hiding until he came to seek revenge at the Conference. Had he returned to the others, like Gu Xiang he would also be made to know of the truth.

This is the recurring theme of the show: the prey thinks all along that he's the Predator- similarly because of this unfortunate circumstance of Zzs being absent and then removing the nails, Wkx who thought he'd outsmarted everyone, really gets one upped by Fate.

Now, the last part that really ties this in is not explicitly stated at all, hence causing a lot of confusion and feelings about Wkx being OOC.

If only they had one 3-min conversation where WKX is like-- "where were you all this time, I was looking for you to tell you that I'm alive" and Zzs says something about preparing to take revenge, obvs not wanting to tell Wkx what really happened yet.

2. Side Character Deaths:

Episode 35-36 have a lot of deaths.

For Gu Xiang and Cao Weining, though the initial premise of their deaths is wonky (ie that no one was around to check on these new Intruders) the theme is apparent (that good people cannot survive in jianghu bc neither GX nor CWN once think of being cautious of the Gentle Wind Sect Leader). But still as viewers we can be asked to suspend our logic sometimes. Thier actual deaths are done beautifully.

But the others, that is, Tragicomic Ghost, Alluring Ghost, etc- Thier deaths are too quick and aren't given enough time. As for Xie'er and Zhao Jing, their deaths occur entirely offscreen.

For Zhao Jing we can say fuck the villain and let it go, but the rest of the characters the show spent a lot of time making us feel sympathetic towards-- giving no time to Thier deaths doesn't make us feel cathartic or fully give time to process them. A bit longer for each of them would have been wonderful, esp for Xie'er.

3. Wen Kexing's Sacrifice:

I have seen some criticism where it's said that Wkx sacrificing himself took away Zzs's autonomy over his death, which he has always wanted and has been a major character point. And they're right.

See, Wkx's immediate reaction on waking is understandable: given the choice to sacrifice yourself so that a loved ones lives, who wouldn't take it?

Also Wkx has cost Zzs his life, if he'd not done what he did, Zzs could have taken the treatment, gotten the nails out, and lived. Now, he will die. Wkx owes Zzs a life now.

Moreover, as Wkx would most definitely think: who does wkx have to live for if Zzs is gone? Other than Chengling, everyone else he loved would be dead-- the ppl he knew from Ghost Valley, Gu Xiang-- when Gu Xiang died he was ready to die at that point too.

But Zzs? He has so many to live for-- Chengling, all his disciples, Qi Ye, etc. As we know, Wkx thinks very highly of Zzs. He does not however consider, that the person Zzs wants to live most for is Wkx himself-- when Zzs tells him this in that World Armoury Cave, you can see the immediate regret on his face-- but what can Wkx do?

The thing is, at the end of the day Wkx thinks he owes Zzs this life, and that Zzs is more deserving and has more to live for.

Again all of this you'd really need to think about, and since it is one of the final, really important scenes, it's... Best if they'd shown all of this reasoning themselves.

What the show really needed here, was a scene where WKX finds out it is due to his own mistake that Zzs is going to die-- he would go berserk, and then probably also go through what I've described above. That scene would really help a ton.

4. The last scene of 36/ ep 37:

This one is the least to blame because I cannot Imagine the hoops the team had to go through to give us what they did.

The last frame of 36 is interesting, because it's very abrupt. I suppose they did it in the hopes of making audiences feel that it was incomplete and to go and look for another episode and stumble upon the Easter Egg?

That being said, it really is confusing what exactly is happening in the last scene or how Wkx survived-- there are many theories about how both parties need to be completely devoted to each other etc etc. And also the lip reading which makes things clearer. Story-wise it really is an issue, but taking in the outside elements I really do not blame the Show Team for what they did.

Also a side note to everyone despairing that WenZhou won't be able to travel the world like they wanted to-- they had previously said they'd love a reclusive lifestyle, so they are happy here, and they can also leave anytime!

So I assume in a few decades, maybe once Chengling dies, they can descend the mountain, travel the world for a good 10 yrs minimum (or if their aging is just unfreezed then they have like 30-40 years) to travel the world, go back to Wkx's peasant home and pay respect to his parents, and also meet GX and CWN's reincarnations!

So yeah in conclusion ™, a few added scenes really would have helped, and yes this is a critique ™ but i also understand the hurdles they'd have faced in terms of time and money budgets and censorship. This show does not exist in a void but is influenced by real outside phenomenons!

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givemeonebreath · 3 years

Text

A big, messy Linked Universe playlist

Link for Links

Heavy on the angst, because of who I am as a person. (At the same time, don’t take it too seriously, man.)

Influenced by canon, manga (TP Link is really Going Through It™ ), my personal perceptions, and popular fandom canon.

A pretty wide variety of genres, with a bias towards metal and prog rock.

I kept snippets of lyrics for most songs, also because of who I am as a person. (Some were particularly hard to narrow down to just one verse or chorus.) Those - and a little more rambling - are under the cut if you really want, in the order of the playlist. But. It’s long.

I didn’t initially make this with the intent to share, but hey. Throughout my past year+ of listening, I’ve been haphazardly adding songs to a playlist I very creatively named Links. If something reminded me of them, whether through the music or lyrics or both, I threw it on the playlist, so some songs might seem odd or vague. Some are really on the nose, as subtle as a sledgehammer. (Sky for Sky? Dude. Sorry.) Some are there because of a fitting line or two that stuck in my head. Ultimately, music - like any form of creative expression - can be interpreted in a multitude of ways.

My listening habits and tastes are erratic, which is why this is one big, jumbled playlist and not separated for different Links. Not to mention if I did that, some (Wild, Legend) would have a lot and some (Wind, Four) would have none, both because of my own familiarity with them, and because of the general themes of the music I tend to listen to. Most songs are a general ‘hero’s spirit reborn’ mood, anyway - those are the first part of the playlist. The second half is more nuanced to specific Links, plus a few Ganon vibes.

1. Deep Purple - April (Koji Kondo, composer of the original Legend of Zelda theme, was into Deep Purple as a kid, and it shows.)

2. Kamelot - Regalis Apertura

3. Au4 - So Just Hang On, Beautiful One (I’ve posted this here before. I can’t hear it without thinking of LU now.) So I slipped in through the gate almost unknown. All my border stamps were late. Seven days old. Cold hand griped my shoulder blade, broke the bone. Bloody nose and turned away, all the way home.

4. FC Kahuna - Hayling Don’t think about all those things you fear, just be glad to be here

5. Glass Animals - Youth Boy, when I left you you were young I was gone, but not my love You were clearly meant for more Than a life lost in the war

6. Pain of Salvation - Restless Boy A restless boy in a world too slow A flame born into cinder, ash, and glow I've given everything I gave it all Yet find myself alone

7. Haken - The Endless Knot Our design shifted frame by frame! Across the line our cycle starts to fail. Our design shifted frame by frame! Across the line we die to live again. We need a story to believe in. We need a hero to prevail. We need a challenge we can overcome, it takes a tragedy to make us one

8. Kamelot - Memento Mori (I particularly associate this with Time and Twilight) I am the god in my own history The master of the game I may believe if she would come to me And whisper out my name Sometimes I wonder where the wind has gone If life has ever been Sometimes I wonder how belief alone Can cut me free from sin

9. Katatonia - Fighters Look I told you so We never stop If we said that We'll back it up For sure You know We're fighters

10. Megadeth - This Day We Fight! (I mean, all Links, but particularly Warriors) For this I was chosen, because I fear nothing With confidence I tread through the dead of the night Off to another war-torn, faraway battlefield Wherein lies a demonic enemy horde

11. Moon Tooth - Igneous Well, the spirit took me And this old broken body leapt up and danced Settin’ out Settin' out with all my heroes in a bundle at my back Hawk am I More wings span in my shadow than overcast Yeah, you know what they say Always need something to look up to, ha

12. Samael - Moongate Destiny, tomorrow is today Destiny, without boundaries How many nights will we spend together traveling infinity back and forth and again How many times will we go together questioning eternity about us about our wonders...

13. TOOL- Parabola This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality Embrace this moment, remember We are eternal, all this pain is an illusion

14. Lunatic Soul - Blood on the Tightrope No matter how hard you try To shut down your feverish thoughts They hunt you down with no regret Cause you have to fix it all

15. Hybrid - Keep It In The Family

16. Soul Savers - Unbalanced Pieces Gone, now carry on Through violent seasons I call you mother, mother, mother In vain, absent chain The twilight's bleeding And the playing board has two unbalanced pieces

17. Steve Von Till - Valley of the Moon All she gives is a stone facade Like ill-given flowers at a dead man's wake Here we slave for the dreams of another And fight over scraps like wayward dogs

18. Ludovico Einaudi - Experience

19. Lunatic Soul - Summoning Dance Three stones on the right side Three stones on the left My vicious circle of life and death “Oh you want it” I hear it again “Oh you want it” My burden Curse to break

20. Lunatic Soul - Through Shaded Woods Run through your shaded woods Run through your shaded mind Run through the night Run away Run through the darkness Run

21. Lunatic Soul - Naavie

22. David Bowie - Nature Boy There was a boy A very strange, enchanted boy They say he wandered very far Very far, over land and sea A little shy and sad of eye But very wise was he

23. The Dandy Warhols - Sleep Well, I could sleep forever But it's of her I dream If I could sleep forever I could forget about everything

24. Au4 - Everyone is Everyone (and Everything is Everything) Tripping and tumbling, Flipping and fumbling. Flowing on the rivers of sadness That have been forever rumbling. But from dawn until now Of all the paths that I could have gone down Of all the valleys That I could have been flowing through. In spite of all the chaos And all that has come between us, How is it I still find myself Here with you.

25. Kingcrow - Everything Goes Your hands again upon the ground Falling rain for hours and hours As you learn the game Time dispels the fog ... Ever been there? Ever felt like prey? Ever thought your mind was feeble? Lot of things that don’t make sense

26. Pain of Salvation - Icon As a child I felt too old And now when I'm grown-up I feel too young A different kind so I've been told Just slightly out of reach and out of time

27. Sophia Loizou - Divine Interference (I got spooky dungeon vibes. Also, the title.)

28. Carpenter Brut - Fab Tool Runnin Gunnin Forward in the phantom shatter so grand Splatter grand, arcanum fuel Wrought iron out of the sky Over me, tells no lie

29. Blue Stahli - Death Will Have to Run All on the open road Where none will ever grow A journey toward the known With countless miles to go

30. Gyroscope - Mistakes & Ladders I am the first? No I can't be the first A continuous nothing, destined for something Tell me who you are and why you trapped me here

31. Queens of the Stone Age - Run, Pig, Run Run, pig, run Here I come

32. Chali 2na & Krafty Kuts - Guard The Fort The swords are drawn and odds are stacked And we clash the impact's a thunderous clap Calm demeanor Even though we are under attack [...my turn to guard the fort ready for combat]

33. The Great Discord - Army of Me (lol)

34. Kongos - Terrified I think I'll start again and change my name You only live once or twice, what a shame Somebody fucked up when designing this game

35. Woodkid - Run Boy Run Run, boy, run! This ride is a journey to Run, boy, run! The secret inside of you Run, boy, run! This race is a prophecy Run, boy, run! And disappear in the trees

36. The Beta Machine - The End A million miles away from you this time I'll do what it takes I'm on my way If lines are in the sand I'll go under If I can make it in time I will bring you back with me

37. Devin Townsend Project - Gump When we last met who was I? I'm sorry we no longer see eye to eye The energy to keep you in while keeping myself out I'm sorry how you'll take this But I just don't have the patience anymore

38. Arrested Youth - Riot! I can't get much satisfaction living in this cave It's tough to breathe, I'm in the belly of the beast Can't sleep with all my rage With me and all my generations living in this cage Pick up your guns and tell your sons, tonight we break the cage

39. Led Zeppelin - Friends So anytime somebody needs you Don't let them down, although it grieves you Some day you'll need someone like they do Looking for what you knew

40. Faunts - M4, pt 2 (Wild) Fight your foes you're not alone Holy war is on the phone Asking to please stay on hold Bleeding loss of blood runs cold And I need you to recover Because I can't make it on my own

41. Faith No More - Ashes to Ashes (Wild) I want them to know it's me, it's on my head I'll point the finger at me, it's on my head Smiling with the mouth of the ocean And I'll wave to you with the arms of the mountain

42. Devin Townsend - Jupiter (Wild) I know you At least I think I do Everything's changed But in the days that are so dark It's wonderful

43. Katatonia - Neon Epitaph (Wild) Shadow of my shadow Cling not to my grief I am long left behind now You are free

44. The Smashing Pumpkins - The Beginning is the End is the Beginning (Wild) Time has stopped before us The sky cannot ignore us No one can separate us For we are all that is left The echo bounces off me The shadow lost beside me There's no more need to pretend Cause now I can begin again

45. Katatonia - Lacquer (Wild) My voice travelling Soaring bird above your head The house we lived in Ridden with disease ... The levee breaking I can't live to fight once more The road to the grave is straight as an arrow I'm just staying around to sing your song, baby

46. Eskimo Joe - This is Pressure (Wild) There is no romance in suffocation The walls fall down like your expectations You want to scream And you want to shout But you've built up steam And you can't let it out This is pressure

47. Portugal. The Man - 1000 Years (Wild) We'll wait 1000 years Until the end of time We'll wait 1000 more Dressed up in gold and white We'll climb the mountain sides To find what's in the sky We'll dig through mountain sides To find what's deep inside

48. Au4 - An Ocean’s Measure of Sorrow (Wild) Forgot my name and who I was. Memories of nothing floating up. All of the sorrow we once knew, Colours the ocean's water blue.

49. Band of Skulls - Carnivorous (Twilight) I am corrosive and cohesive Like a chemical bond I'm all together undone I am the broken kingdom I'm just so, so, so So carnivorous

50. Glass Animals - Flip (Twilight) I wanna go back with a club and attack I wanna take to my guns and break you I gotta make my little foe take his own

51. TV on the Radio - Wolf Like Me (Twilight) My mind has changed my body's frame, but, God, I like it My heart's aflame, my body's strained, but, God, I like it

52. Kamelot - The Spell (Twilight) All my demons cast a spell The souls of dusk rising from the ashes So the book of shadows tell The weak will always obey the master

53. OSI - Radiologue (Legend) I was dreaming I was heading west thirty days faster Had a fever woke up in a sweat bailing out the water Can't go on Can't go back Heard your voice coming through the noise wrote it in the radio log Hurt my head, wondering what you said so I threw it overboard

54. Katatonia - Don’t Tell A Soul (Legend) I have been destroyed by the perfection that is a lie see I'm moving soon see my feet are already on the road and if you know where I’m going don’t tell a soul

55. Haken - The Mind’s Eye (Legend) The shape of things to come are closer than they seem Changing your design every time you disappear I'm planning my escape through portals of your mind Where people seem to drop like flies

56. Pain of Salvation - Species (Legend) Sometimes I hate my fucking species Yet most days I'll do anything to please it My generation was fooled to pursue our dreams But it is not what it seems You never need what you want And you rarely want what you need

57. Euringer - Do You Kiss Your Mama with That Mouth? (Legend) All my life, misunderstood I'm fuckin' too smart, too smart for my own good The last question, before I go is "Hey motherfucka, do you kiss your mama with that mouth?" Yes! I kiss your mama with this mouth

58. !!! - Pardon My Freedom (Legend) Like I give a fuck, like I give a shit Like I give a fuck about that shit Like I give a fuck about that motherfucking shit

59. Team Sleep - Ataraxia (Legend) Froze asleep Coma deep I dream I'm out with you Alone at sea

60. Oliver Tank - Embrace (Legend) You're in my dreams The world is torn apart at the seams And I don't wanna leave Wearing my heart on it's sleeve

61. Machine Gun Fellatio - The Girl of My Dreams (Is Giving Me Nightmares) (Legend) The girl of my dreams is giving me nightmares I don't know what it means but she's got multi-coloured hair When she stands in the sand I dream of peaches And I'm not sure what that means either

62. Earl Greyhound - Shotgun (Legend & Hyrule) I am nobody, nobody is who I am I am a traveler on this land And nothing, nothing, nothing in my hands

63. TV on the Radio - Staring at the Sun (Hyrule) You're staring at the sun You're standing in the sea Your mouth is open wide You're trying hard to breathe The water's at your neck There's lightning in your teeth Your body's over me

64. Echo & The Bunnymen - The Killing Moon (Time) Fate Up against your will Through the thick and thin He will wait until You give yourself to him

65. Sufjan Stevens - Sugar (Sky) Don’t break my heart, don’t break my flow now And all this rage has got to go now Let’s take up this lifeline Come on, baby, gimme some sugar Don’t make me wait Don’t make me wait too long Don’t make me sing the sad song Come on, baby, gimme some sugar

66. Obsydians - Ascension (Sky) Rise above the hardships you’ll face I will sign and keep on rising As long as you are giving me your soul and keep me awake Feel like home and spread your light around I will listen and just be there As long as you are giving me your love I’ll give you my soul

67. Sonique - Sky -_-

68. Enter Shikari - The King (Ganon) Watch your back, my friend I'm about to kickstart a cycle Of never ending revenge And this time it's primal, it's tribal

69. Saul Williams - WTF! (Ganon, Hylia) "You've been polluted, uprooted by time You have been muted, computed but I'm A living vessel of the one, of the moon, of the sun" Hey! You ain't as dead as you seem, what the fuck? Hey! But you keep living your lies

70. These New Puritans - We Want War (Ganon/ Dark Link/ any nemesis I guess) Shadows dance back up, it's happening again If you listen carefully you might hear them whisper: "We hold all the secrets, we hold all the words; But they're scrambled and broken so you'll never know" Can't you see them Floating like black ash? Can't you feel them Crawling down your back?

#linked universe #linkeduniverse #listening to music while I stare blankly at nothing is legit my number one hobby #and then shit like this happens #linked universe playlist

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kpopmultifan127 · 4 years

Text

UserName: HaechanTheSun02

*DISCLAIMER: unprotected sex (be responsible), dirty talk, a tiny bit of fluff, camgirl*

Characters: Haechan/Donghyuck x female reader

Word count: 3,088

LOL I DIDN’T PROOF READ SO IF THERE ARE MISTAKES SORRY!

[7:00 AM] her alarm goes off to wake herself up for another day of school. College was so hectic for y/n. She really had no support what so ever or anyone around to help her with her studies. Y/n was kind of just to herself most of the time.

As she sat up on her bed to check her phone, she had a few notifications from her mom asking how’s school and if she needed any money. y/n hated asking her parents for money, she wanted to be independent. It was pretty bad too she thought of so many ways to make the money. But she couldn’t get a job because that would conflict with her studies and didn’t want to bring all of her school stuff to work.

That’s when y/n were reading that CamGirls were quite popular. Men and women watching other women play with themselves for money. She’s started doing it not too long, and she was making some decent money to help with paying off her school tuition.

y/n checked the rest of her notifications which most of them were from the site she uses to go for her CamLive.

{From: HaechanTheSun02} Are you going to go live tonight SunGoddess? I just got paid and I’m ready to blow it all on you babe.

HaechanTheSun02 whoever that person can be was her frequent viewer and the stuff he’d send as she was live always turned her on and even mentioned to him that she hope to meet him someday. Maybe he can say those things to her face. y/n thought to herself....”I could use more money...yeah I guess I’ll go live tonight” y/n then posted a status Be ready for tonight because it’s going to be fun! seconds after posting it she’s gotten many likes.

sometimes y/n was still at little awkward and shy at what she does on the side, but at least she doesn’t really have to worry about it. She doesn’t have a lot of friends or people coming over so she just lived her days as if nothing happens.

y/n got ready for school and headed out. her first class of the day she always dreaded. It was Chemisty, she was horrible at it and never really talked to anyone in her class except her desk mate pretty much her only friend Mina. Mina was also the only person that knows of her “side job”, it never bothered her that y/n did these kinds of things. She’d always tell her “hey as long as you’re not doing drugs, do whatever floats your boat”

As class was about to start y/n and Mina began taking out their books. y/n got distracted as she looked up to see the man of her dreams. His name was Donghyuck, one of the most popular guys in school he was gorgeous, athletic, never judges anyone and one of the smartest guys in this class. Y/n never dared to talk to him as she wouldn’t know what to say to do around him. Mina noticed y/n face started to become a light shade of pink and her ears turn red.

Mina: you’ve been gawking about Hyuck for so long...why don’t you just talk to him?!

y/n: are you crazy?!

Mina: why?! what’s so crazy about talking to him?

y/n: I wouldn’t know what to do or say.

Mina let out a soft scoff.

Mina: oh please we both know you always think about him during your damn camlive’s!

y/n: OH MY GOD SHHH! Before someone hears you!

Mina just rolled her eyes, and then their teacher comes walking into their class. Their teacher didn’t look to happy when she walked into class, as she slammed her book on the desk.

Teacher: you guys I’m so disappointed in most of you...I can tell most of you guys didn’t study for this simple test. We’ve gone over these things over and over.

She continued to lecture the class about getting work done and doing good on tests.

Teacher: I’m doing something different now. Everyone grab your stuff and get off your seats. I’m moving everyone around!

The entire class sighed in disbelief because now Mina and y/n knew they weren’t going to be able to sit next to each other the rest of the year.

Teacher: I’m pairing everyone off with someone that is able to help one and another.

In y/n mind she was getting nervous, she knew she was one of the few who did horrible on the test because she HATED Chemistry. She could care less who she sat next to other than Hyuck. Y/n wouldn’t do well sitting next to him.

Teacher: Mina and Johnny. you guys are together.

Mina made eye contact with y/n mouthing “I’m sorry” although they know it’s neither of their faults they can’t sit next to each other.

Teacher: y/n?

y/n: yes?....

Teacher: you are going to be with....

y/n thinks to herself “please not Hyuck, please not Hyuck”

Teacher: you and Donghyuck.

y/n frozen at her steps as she heard the one person she wish not to sit with, but now has no choice. Y/n set her things at her new desk along with Hyuck. He looked at her with a soft smile.

Hyuck: Hey new deskmate. y/n right?

y/n:...yeah

Hyuck: what’s wrong?

y/n:...we both know why I’m sitting next to you....obviously I’m not the smartest.

Hyuck: it’s ok we can help each other out isn’t this the whole point of the new seating arrangements?

y/n thought to herself...maybe this isn’t bad after all. He never made her feel like she was dumb or that he was bigger than her. y/n looked at her books with a smile as she glanced over to Mina where she’s making kissy faces to her. Mina mouthing to her “TALK TO HIM IDIOT”

School went by smoothly and y/n was so happy her day was done and she can just go home. She did all her homework, showered, ate and did a little bit of more studying before she jumped on her live feed.

[11:30 pm] y/n turns on her cam and sits there waiting for others to join..

So far 30 people signed on...more than she imagined...this was a big crowd this time around, she usually only has 10-20 people watching her. y/n looked to see who was in the room.

y/n: hey bigdaddy23....I’m going to start here in a bit. I’m just going to go get ready.

y/n walked off camera changing into only her silk robe that HaechanTheSun02 sent to you through the site. y/n never showed her face just up to her nose, never showing her entire face so she can keep her identity safe. When she came back she noticed HaechanTheSun02 signed on and commented “I’m ready for you baby”

y/n: hey Haechan....I’m ready for you. and all of you.

{HaechanTheSun02} I’m loving that robe on you...I’m sure it’ll look better off of you....

y/n began to tease her views by slipping off her robe.

{HaechanTheSun02 donated $150}

y/n: wow thank you Haechan....want more?

y/n began to play with herself as comments and donations kept rolling in.

{HaechanTheSun02} man the things I’d do to that lil pussy...

y/n: oh yeah what would you do to it?

y/n letting out soft moans as she continued to play with every part of her body.

{HaechanTheSun02} I’d fuck it like there was no tomorrow. Let you ride me until you I fill you up.

Shivers went down y/n body as she was close to her high. Wishing whoever he was watching could just be there doing it all for her. y/n hit her high as she moaned on camera until she finished coming all over her fingers. Pulling them out showing the camera.

y/n: look Haechan...look what you did do me...Well that’s it for tonight, thank you all for watching.

y/n blew a soft kiss to the camera and turned it off. After cleaning herself off she laid in bed still coming back down from her high earlier, all she could think about is Donghyuck. Being a camgirl is another reason why she didn’t want to talk to him and he end finding out what she does.

A few days has passed and you’ve gotten a little closer to Hyuck. The teacher announced that they had a project due for the mid terms and it was a partner project with your deskmate.

Hyuck: I’d invite you to my house to work on the project but my roommate Jeno is back from his trip and the place is kinda small.

y/n: It’s ok. I live by myself, we can work on it at my house.

y/n thought to herself...”oh wait, what if he finds out about what I do?...nah no way he’d no. He’s not into that kind of stuff”

Hyuck: oh good...we can work on it tonight? I can take us to your house?

y/n: yeah sure...

Hyuck: I just need to run to my house to grab a few things and we can go.

After school Hyuck drove back to his place to grab a few things to work with on the project.

y/n: you weren’t kidding when you said your place was small...

Hyuck: haha yeah, I use to live with my parents but they moved back to Seoul and I just stayed back with Jeno.

y/n looked around while he grabbed some things. She saw a baby picture of Hyuck on the beach with his little sister. It brought a smile to her face.

y/n: is this you?

Hyuck: haha yeah, and my little sister...

y/n: you’re so cute...I mean you’re still cute now...no well I mean...

y/n became red and looked away. Leaving Hyuck with a smile on his face.

Hyuck: Ok I got what I needed are you ready?

They left his house and arrived at y/n’s apartment.

y/n: sorry it’s a little messy in the living room, I’m repainting the walls. We can work in my room.

They walked over to her room. Hyuck standing in the doorway looking around her room, as it was really familar to him.

y/n: are you ok?

Hyuck:...oh- yeah..I’m fine.

He noticed the silk robe hanging on the back of your chair.

Hyuck: nice robe..

y/n:...oh haha thanks. Someone gave it to me as uhh---

y/n began to stutter to think “Who and what do I say as what it was given to me for?”

y/n:....as a thank you gift...

Hyuck:..ah ok.

In his mind he’s seen this before....he knew for a fact this is the same robe he gave the camgirl he watches every night.

y/n: ready?

Hyuck: oh--yeah.

Hyuck couldn’t concentrate on the project knowing that y/n was the one he’s been watching while jerking himself off wishing she could do it for him. He kept glancing over to her as she was doing her part of the project. y/n needed something on the side of the desk Hyuck was on. Y/n stood up and leaned over him to grab whatever she needed. Hyuck could feel himself become hard as she was leaning over him.

y/n: you ok Hyuck?

Hyuck: oh yeah...I’m fine.

As he sat up in his chair trying to adjust himself without being obvious his dick was hard as a rock.

Hyuck: is it ok if I used your bathroom?

y/n: yeah sure it’s the door right across.

He stood up and walked straight to the door while y/n continued to finish her work.

Whispering to himself...

Hyuck: no that can’t be her..there’s no way. damn she’s hot....no. I can’t...she’s my desk mate. She won’t do shit with me.

Hyuck threw some water on his face and walked back into the room where he saw y/n bent over picking up the pencils she dropped. He felt himself become even more hard looking at her behind right in front of him. Hyuck walked closer to y/n as she stood up and turned to face him where they were inches away from each other’s lips.

y/n:...wh--what’s wrong Hyuck.

y/n glancing down to see what was rubbing against her body as she saw how hard Hyuck was. Giving her chills down her back and felt herself become wet as she was being touched by the man of her dreams.

Hyuck: I know you see it...what are you going to do now?

y/n: wh-what do you mean?

Hyuck: you did this to me....

y/n: ..d--do what?

He then grabbed her hand and placed it on his hard member that she caused. y/n became more and more wet with feel of him.

Hyuck: you did this to me...I want you to fix it.

y/n: what do you want me to do?

Hyuck: I want you to ride it so I can fill you up like there’s no tomorrow.

y/n heard those words before...those words that made her feel good. More chills came down her spine....she thought for a moment...is this Haechan? nah that can’t be him.

Hyuck: Wear that pretty robe I gave you.

y/n: huh?

Hyuck glanced over to the robe that draped over her chair...that’s when she knew he was Haechan..

y/n: you’re HaechanTheSun?

Hyuck: why are you so surprised and shy now? so you’re the one I’ve been jerking off to every night...man the things I’d do to that pretty lil pussy of yours.

y/n: I just never thought of you be one of those guys to watch these things.

Hyuck: well now you know...

your body became weak as you fell onto the bed, he could see what it was doing to you and felt the wetness of our core on his thigh as he came closer to you on your bed.

Hyuck: you can tell me to stop if you want...

y/n bit the bottom of her lip and she nodded “no” and pulled him closer to her feeling his hard member against her hot core. Hyuck placing soft kisses on her neck and y/n arched her back at how good everything feels. She can now feel his touch on her and not through a computer screen. Hyuck feeling how wet she was made him harder than he can handle. y/n whispers in his ear...

y/n: I want you inside me Hyuck.

Hyuck:...you don’t have to ask me twice baby...seems like you’re ready for me too. I get to fuck this pretty cunt, be ready because I’m not taking it slow.

As he said that, he slid into her and began to thrust in and out feeling her constricting on his cock.

Hyuck: damn y/n you feel fucken amazing...

y/n: ....don’t stop Hyuck. You feel so fucken good....

He never held back and went in hard making y/n moan turning him on more and more.

Hyuck: damn baby I finally get to fuck this tight pussy instead of watching you...

y/n: Hyuck I’m almost there---don’t stop

Hyuck: nope not yet baby...

He then pulled out making y/n whimper as he flipped onto his back placing y/n back on his dick...

Hyuck: I want you to ride me until you cum baby..

y/n began grinding on him faster and faster...she could feel her high coming real quick...

y/n:...oh my god I’m gonna....I’m cumming Hyuck.

Hyuck: grind on my dick harder babe....

Seconds after reaching her high and grinding on his dick he came filling her up with his cum. y/n became wobbly and laid on top of Hyuck placing her head on the crook of his neck. Hyuck ran his fingers up and down her back as he became soft in her. Letting her rest on top of him...

Hyuck: damn y/n that was hot...

y/n got off both of them cleaning themselves off. y/n sat on the edge of her bed with her hands covering her face as she was wearing the robe Hyuck gave her.

Hyuck: what’s wrong?

y/n: ....you know what I do now..

Hyuck: and?

y/n looked up from her hands looking towards Hyuck as she watched him put his clothes back on.

y/n: it doesn’t bother you?

Hyuck: maybe...

y/n: really?

Hyuck: yeah...

y/n had gotten sad because all she could think of is that he hated every bit of it and now that he knows who she was he wanted nothing to do with her.

y/n:...oh ok.

Hyuck:...I don’t want to share you now.

y/n frozen at the edge of her bed by the words he just said. Hyuck walked over to where she was as he stood in front of her. Pulling her chin up for her to look at him.

Hyuck: I like you y/n

y/n:...you wh--

Hyuck: yeah I like you a lot. After becoming your desk mate and getting to know you, I have a lot of fun with you. But it’s ok if you don’t like me back I still want to hangout with you....

y/n: would you believe me if I told you I liked you before you liked me?

Hyuck: really?

y/n:...yeah. I just never said anything well because you’re Donghyuck the most popular guy in school.

He leaned in to give y/n a kiss on the lips and parted with a smile right after.

Hyuck: so does that mean we are an item now?

y/n shyly nodded yes but then y/n looked down at her lap.

Hyuck: what’s wrong baby?

y/n: I should tell you something too...

Hyuck: what’s up?

y/n: the times I was on live and you were sending those comments to me all I could think about was you. I’d never think HaechanTheSun would be you.

Hyuck: wanna know something?

y/n: yeah?

Hyuck: actually after getting to know you and I’d watch the lives I would think about you all the time. so finally knowing it was you behind that camera was a huge bonus.

y/n giggled...

Hyuck: but I do want to ask...why did you do it? is it because of the money?

y/n scratched the back of her neck...

y/n: well yeah...it’s hard for me to get a job..I mean it’s not I just don’t want my studies to come with me to work.

Hyuck: well I can help you study, but I can’t make promises that I won’t touch you...

Hyuck leaned in and gave y/n another kiss.

Hyuck: well now I can take care of you. and you don’t have to do those cams anymore...b/c that’s only my pussy now and no one elses...

y/n: thank you Haechannie...

Hyuck:...hmm Haechannie...I like that.

After saying that pet name Hyuck pushed y/n back on to the bed ripping the robe off of her once again....

I might do a part 2 to this story but the fluff side of their relationship....

HERE’s PART TWO

#nct fluff #nct 127 fluff #haechan #haechan fluff #haechan smut #nct smut #nct 127 smut #kpop smut #kpop fluff #donghyuck #donghyuck fluff #donghyuck smut

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alonely-dreamer · 3 years

Text

Dangerous Creatures | Chapter 36: Dangerous Friends

Summary: Mackenzie and Elijah go to Marcel’s party

Pairing: Elijah x OC

Words: 3314

A/N: Please, note that I am French so there might be some mistakes here and there. I’d like to thank @eywizard for beta reading this chapter for me!

Masterlist

On her knees, the seamstress focused on the needle, touching up the pants of her client’s suit as he admired himself in the mirror on his right.

“Damn, I do look good in a suit,” he said, making his friend in the cap laugh.

It wasn’t unusual for the seamstress to answer house calls, no, the only thing unusual about this client was the odd things he said. She felt weird as she focused on her work. She could hear the two men, but not quite comprehend what they were saying to each other, as if the words wouldn’t stick to her brain, turning into an alphabet soup she couldn’t read.

She thought she had heard names, Tina McGreevy and Joshua Rosza. What was the TV saying about them? Perhaps they were missing. No, it wasn’t that. Wait… who were they talking about again? Her mind was foggy and the more she tried to focus, the foggier it got.

“My guy at the docks is gonna come forward as an eyewitness, say he saw those two drunkenly fall into the Mississippi. They’ll be dredging for weeks, no one will come looking around here,” said the man in the cap, whose name she thought started with a ‘T’… Theo? Thibault? No… It was that.

“That’s good, considering one’s dead in a dumpster behind the county morgue and the other one’s a vampire now,” her client said with a chuckle. “Anything else?”

The words danced in her brain, refusing to form a correct sentence, refusing to make sense. As she tried to think back to what had just been said, she inadvertently pricked herself with her needle.

“Ow!”

She sat back on her knees and looked at her bloody finger. The man, whose name she thought might be Mark, crouched before her with a smile.

“Allow me, darling,” he said as he took her hand and brought the injured finger to his mouth.

She let him do it, even though her entire body was screaming at her to get up and go. Her mind was loud with alarms, screaming at her that it wasn’t safe, but she couldn’t say anything, couldn’t do anything but smile. His friend spoke up again.

“I sent four nightwalkers to look into a werewolf sighting in the Quarter. I haven’t heard from them since.”

Mark, or whatever his name was, lost his smile as he let go of her hand and sighed.

“That makes ten dead nightwalkers in the last week. You think the werewolves are back in town trying to start some trouble?”

“Look. I know you and Klaus are friends, but the fact is, since the Originals showed up…”

“Oh, come now, Thierry, you’re not still upset about that little toxic werewolf bite I gave you, are you?”

The seamstress barely registered the stranger who had just come into the fitting room. She felt like she was supposed to ignore him, to ignore them, to silence them out, and so she did.

“I see you’ve given him free rein of your compound now, too,” Thierry said with disappointment and disapproval.

“Yes. Well, seeing as my family and I lived here, built the place, in fact…”

“All right, come on,” Mark, or perhaps his name was Maxwell, interrupted their argument calmly, “you know the drill. Thierry is my guy, inner circle. Klaus is my old-time friend and sire. He’s also a guest here,” he reminded his friend. “Peace, all right?” he asked Thierry who nodded with a grimace. “All right,” he nodded as well. “What do you need, my brother?”

“I don’t need anything, just wanted to let you know Elijah accepted your invitation.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” he smiled. “I hope you told him the rules.”

Klaus laughed. “He knows the rules, though I can’t promise he’ll follow them.”

“What about the witch?”

“Mackenzie? She used to love rules, would rather die than break them, actually. Now… not so much. But, no worries,” he added quickly to reassure his friend, “tonight is a party, no one expects a fight.”

“Right,” Marcel smiled unconvinced. “Let’s just have fun, eh?”

***

“So, how’s Matt?” Mackenzie asked, picking up a strawberry from the bowl on the kitchen counter right in front of her.

The cooks were busy cooking food no one asked, or wanted, compelled by Klaus to act like they were serving kings and queens. The kitchen was filled with desserts that Hayley was convinced would make her fatter than her pregnancy.

“Sleeping,” Rebekah’s voice came through the speaker.

“Where are you again?”

“We reached Amsterdam a couple of days ago.”

“Sounds like fun.”

“It is actually.”

“So, I guess you’re not gonna be there for my birthday, then…”

“My gift is already in the mail, it should be there in time.”

“I was hoping to see you.”

“Aw, do you miss me?” the Original vampire mocked over the phone.

“Don’t you miss me?”

“Of course, I miss you, but let me tell you, the phone system is definitely one of the best creations in the past century.”

“Yeah, well I was actually hoping to spend my birthday with my friends, you know, but Katherine said she had no intentions of coming anywhere near Klaus ever again, so…”

“So what? I’m your backup friend?”

“I’d have loved to have you both here but since you guys all hate each other, I think it would have just ruined the day.”

“You’re probably right. Just spend the day with Elijah, I’m sure he’ll be more than happy to do anything you want. Birthday or not…”

“Fine, don’t come, it’s not like we can actually have a party anyway, in our secret hiding place away from Marcel…”

“Why don’t you just come join me in Europe? Leave Nik alone, he doesn’t deserve your help…”

“Well, that’s true, but I can’t just leave Hayley here alone with him…”

“You’re right, that sounds like a particularly cruel thing to do.”

“Anyway, have fun in Amsterdam then.”

“And you have fun at that party of yours, show Marcel what you’re capable of.”

“And how do you suggest she does that, Rebekah?” Elijah asked as he entered the kitchen.

Mackenzie smiled as she saw him, and leaned into him as he went to place a kiss in her hair.

“Brother, finally, you deign to talk to your poor sister…”

The Original rolled his eyes. “You’re always so dramatic, sister.”

“That bastard little thief stole our city and declared himself King, maybe you should show him he’s nothing but an ingrate little…”

“Alright, alright,” Mackenzie cut her off with a chuckle. “It’s a charity dinner, ‘bekah. We’re expecting champagne, good food, and dancing, nothing more.”

“You’re so boring. No wonder Kol hasn’t come around to visit you.”

“Ouch,” Mackenzie frowned. “Now you’re just being mean.”

“Heard from him recently?”

“He’s somewhere in Brazil, I believe,” Elijah answered.

“What the bloody hell is he doing there?”

“Who knows what our brother’s got in his head.”

“You got that right… Well, Matt is waking up, I have to go.”

They said their goodbyes before hanging up, Mackenzie still eating from the bowl of strawberries that was almost empty now.

“Do you even want to go to this thing?” she asked.

“No. But Marcel must have something in mind, and I’d hate to go against his plans.”

She smirked. “That’s so nice of you,” she said as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

“I am very nice,” he whispered before placing a kiss on her lips. “In fact, I have many nice things I want to do to you right now.”

“Ew, please, stop.”

The couple turned towards the kitchen doorstep to find Hayley standing there with a look of disgust on her face. Mackenzie rolled her eyes playfully as she took a step back from the vampire.

“What can we do for you, Hayley?” Elijah asked the newest member of the Mikaelson family.

“Nothing, I just came to stuff my face with the biggest cake I could find…”

“We’ll leave you to it then,” he nodded before he gently took Mackenzie’s hand and led her out of the room under Hayley’s uncomfortable gaze.

***

So far, everything was going well. Elijah and his witch were behaving remarkably, the Original had already signed a check, and had been dancing with his companion ever since. Klaus was right. They looked unbearably in love. The silver satin dress she was wearing was remarkable as well, no doubt a gift from Elijah, and it complemented her set of diamond jewelry best. A swiss blue topaz gemstone rested above her cleavage, the necklace looked ancient, royal, almost, as if it had belonged to a generation of royalty and had somehow found its way to her. He figured many “lost” jewels had found their way in the Mikaelson collection over the years. He watched them carefully, tried to eavesdrop on them too, but they were smarter than to believe they’d get any privacy in a room full of vampires, and kept their conversation as polite and as normal as possible, as if they knew they had an audience. Eventually, Marcel had better things to do than to spy on the two lovers, and even managed to completely forget about them as Cami had finally joined the party.

“They spend their nights and days with Klaus - you’d think they’d be used to the presence of an Original by now,” Mackenzie complained about the pairs of eyes that hadn’t left them ever since they had entered the compound.

Marcel had gone above and beyond for this party. Dancers, acrobats, the finest chefs and the finest champagne… All the guests were having a great time and were happy to open their wallets to the charity of the night.

“I don’t think they’ll ever get used to us,” Elijah replied. “After all the stories they’ve heard about us, we were a myth to them until we arrived here.”

Mackenzie scoffed, wondering how long it would take for her irritation to turn into something more dangerous.

“If only they knew…” Elijah started.

“If only they knew what?”

“If only they knew they were worrying about the wrong person,” he grinned with pride.

She smirked back and nodded as she looked around at Marcel’s nightwalkers. “Indeed.”

That’s when she saw it, or rather him, a vampire she had come to learn was named Diego, entering the party wearing a shirt and jeans and an unhappy look on his face.

“Looks like something’s wrong,” she said as she watched him approach Marcel, obviously nervous about interrupting his time with Cami.

Diego whispered something into Marcel’s ear, and they could see on his face something was wrong indeed. Marcel started looking around and stopped as he found Elijah and Mackenzie surrounded by dancing couples. He frowned before he made their way to them.

“Something wrong, Marcellus?”

“Yes, actually, Elijah, something is wrong. Where’s Klaus?”

“I’m right here,” the hybrid said as he appeared behind him.

“Good, come with me.”

The three Mikaelsons looked at each other with an amused curiosity. Whatever was wrong, it wasn’t their problem, and if it bothered Marcel that much, it meant it was probably a good thing for them.

They followed him out of the compound, heard him order Diego to find as many nightwalkers as he could and join them at a place he called the Traps, which is where he was taking them.

“For a week now, my guys have been dying,” Marcel started his explanation. “There’s a werewolf in town who’s been killing my nightwalkers, and a witch or two have been helping it, using magic, undetected,” he informed them, barely concealing his anger.

“How is that our problem?” Elijah asked, not bothering to hide his lack of curiosity.

“Rumors are you’re at fault.”

“If we were killing your people we wouldn’t make a secret of it,” Mackenzie said in all honesty.

Marcel stopped in his tracks and turned towards her. Unbothered by his anger, almost bored, and definitely annoyed, she raised an eyebrow at him, defying him to attempt anything.

“Is that so?”

“That is so,” she confirmed, her eyes falling on Thierry standing behind him. “Want me to prove it?”

Marcel stared at her, put all of his anger in his eyes, tried to see something as she stared back, anything on her face, even just a little bit of fear, but he saw nothing. What the hell could she have gone through that had made her so tough? Or maybe it was arrogance? No, it wasn’t just that. She had something, she was someone, someone powerful, who wasn’t afraid of him, because he was no threat to her. Not only did she have Elijah’s protection, but she also didn’t need it, and that was scarier than Klaus himself, and as he finally found fear, it was unfortunately not hers, but his own.

“You were taking us somewhere?” Elijah eventually said after a minute of silence.

Marcel was trying to calm himself down, trying not to let the smirk that had appeared on the girl’s face get to him. He regained his composure, and his usual bright smile came and replaced the angry look on his face.

“But, as you are here, now I know you had nothing to do with the attacks on my men, and I thought we could go and see for ourselves who’s been causing so much trouble in my town,” he said as if he were offering them something.

“Sounds like a party,” Klaus smiled maliciously, encouraging Elijah and Mackenzie to relax.

Diego and a dozen nightwalkers had found them before they had even reached the Traps, and signs of a fight could be heard from down the street. Mackenzie could sense a werewolf and at least two witches inside, and vampires, dying one after the other.

Marcel gave Diego the order to attack, to kill whoever it was that was killing his own men in his own town. Among the screams of rage and fear were laughs - laughs Elijah and Mackenzie thought they recognized. She looked up at him and the look on his face confirmed her doubts. He heard it too, but she also felt it. A smile creeped onto her face.

“Call back your men before they all get killed,” she said, and he heard the amusement in her tone.

“Is that a threat?”

“It’s only advice.”

“Advice you should seriously consider,” Elijah added.

But Marcel shook his head no and ordered more of his men to go in with him. They couldn’t even see what was happening inside. The bar had no window, only a door that was now broken. But they could hear everything that was happening and that was enough to give them an idea of the scene. Mackenzie chuckled, seriously debating whether or not to intervene.

“Perhaps we should do something,” Elijah suggested.

“What is going on?” Klaus asked, obviously irritated he was left in the dark.

Mackenzie smiled as she moved to go inside. She snapped the necks of every vampire there with a wave of a hand, and they all fell to the ground. All but Marcel. The bar was completely destroyed. Only a couple of chairs and tables were still standing, but most of them had been used as a stake and were now resting in the hearts of a dozen vampires. She walked past a temporarily dead Diego and took in the scene.

A man, the werewolf, was standing at the end of the room, with blood dripping from his mouth, holding a stake in his right hand, the broken chair he had ripped it off of in his other. He smiled at her as he saw her, the blood on his face made him look funny and she held back a laugh. A blonde witch was near him, waving at her, her free hand magically pinning a vampire to the ceiling. The last witch sat on the bar, her hair, her face, her outfit spotless, as if she hadn’t been part of the fight at all, but Mackenzie knew she had the highest body count.

“Mackenzie!” they all greeted in unison.

Her smile grew bigger and a laugh escaped her. “What are you guys doing here?”

“We came for your birthday, of course,” Olivia said as she jumped off the bar.

God, Mackenzie thought. She looked so much like Margo.

“Mom says hello.”

“Does her Majesty know you’re here?” Elijah asked as he stepped inside the bar with his brother.

“Of course,” Felicity answered as she let go of the vampire she was holding against the ceiling. He fell with a cry, and her boyfriend seized the opportunity to stake him.

Marcel would have stopped him and killed them all, or died trying, if Mackenzie didn’t have him pinned to the wall.

“Lying to Margo is a very bad idea,” Oliver said.

Olivia gave Mackenzie a hug and whispered in her ear: “Heidi says hi.”

Mackenzie’s heart skipped a bit and as she backed away to look at the Princess, the witch winked. Elijah frowned.

“We have so many gifts,” Felicity said as she hugged the elemental.

“You don’t turn twenty-years-old every day,” Oliver continued as he approached them.

“Who are you?” Klaus asked dryly, tired of being left out.

“Klaus, these are my friends from Germany,” she introduced them, “guys, this is Klaus.”

“Well, you definitely picked the more handsome brother,” Oliver winked at her and was rewarded by his girlfriend’s elbow in his ribs.

Elijah chuckled. “You’ve been here for a week?”

“Yeah, we got here early, we wanted to meet the um…” Oliver stopped himself. “You know…”

“How do you know about it?” Mackenzie questioned.

“The oracles told mom. I mean, it’s not something you see every day.”

Of course the oracles would know about Hayley and the baby. It made them wonder who else knew, and if they needed to be more cautious.

“It’s just werewolf curiosity,” Oliver shrugged.

“Are Heidi and Alexander going to be joining us?” Elijah asked.

“And are they going to kill more of my guys?” Marcel worried.

“Not their type,” Mackenzie informed him.

“To be fair we wouldn’t have killed anyone if they had left us alone,” Felicity said.

“But they went on about how werewolves are forbidden in the Quarter, and that really pisses a werewolf off, if you know what I mean,” Oliver growled.

“Werewolves are forbidden in the Quarter,” Marcel snarled.

“Says who?”

“Says me.”

“And you are?”

“I suggest you stick to giving your own men orders,” Olivia said with royal authority, “you are no match for us, as you can see.”

“We don’t take orders from vampires,” Oliver added salt to injury.

“I heard witches weren’t allowed to do magic in their own town,” Felicity continued, “another one of your rules, I suppose?”

“Shall we kill him?” Olivia wondered.

Klaus laughed. “Please, my friend here has been ruling over the Quarter for decades now, he’s just doing his job.”

“If his job consists of stopping witches from practicing their craft and hunting werewolves, then he is an unfit ruler and a change of leadership is needed,” Olivia said. “A good ruler promotes peace among all, and if you’re unable or too weak to achieve that, then you must be replaced.”

“I think there’s been enough killing for one night,” Elijah tried to defuse the situation. “Why don’t we take you to our place, so you can rest?”

“As you wish,” Olivia nodded. “We could use a home for the remainder of our stay.”

“I’ll let my brother show you to our place,” Klaus showed them out of the bar. “I will stay and help my friend clean up this place.” He gave them an obvious fake smile that neither of the three companions paid any mind to.

Mackenzie and Elijah looked at each other knowingly. Here went Klaus’ good mood.

**********

#the vampire diaries #vampire diaries #tvd #the originals #elijah mikaelson #klaus mikaelson #elijah x oc #oc #reader #imagine #fanfiction #fanfic #elijah x reader

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