#i rarely give my take on one of my own posts nowadays because i don't like influencing

[historia-vitae-magistras]

I know Matthew plays hockey, but does he ever want to just give up whatever his government job is and take playing hockey to the olympics or at least pro level? I mean it's got to be more fun than whatever secretarial, front man type corporate job he normally has to deal with when working with the gov right? Or maybe getting into farming or something. I dont know, he just seems like someone who'd eventually just lose his shit if he had to be stuck in an office for too long.

I honestly think most of his time in any government post is like the twice-a-decade he gives enough fucks to be involved. Like, what is he going to do in an office? Stamp government documents? Approve things? He's fucken useless in that environment. I think a couple of times he's said fuck it, started over and played pro hockey or Olympic hokey. He's not the only one and probably smashed some faces in. Alfred or Arthur had to help wipe and reset his identity because inventing a whole new set of documents is much more complicated nowadays than 100 years ago, but he's played and then faded into the background. He probably gets away with that more than a lot of nations can. Nice combo privilege of big bro's military-industrial complex and his own insignificance.

I've had him in the parks service as a bootlegger, a sailor, a ships carpenter, a diplomat, a firefighter, a medic, a search and rescue medic, especially a hockey coach, and a hockey player. I'm not about to write shit about people working in an office if I'm candid. I also think he drew a veterans pension for 110 years before the government. "hey wait, the last Canadian World War One vet died 10 years ago."

And as far as money goes. I think he and Alfred got their savings wiped in the 1930s, and Matt kept himself afloat via good ol' imperial nepotism via the old fart while Alfred was on his own since WW2; Matt's financial well-being has been so tied into Alfred's. I had an economics manager who joked that when the US economy stumbles, Canada breaks its neck so there's some fuckery there, but let's be honest; Matt just occasionally gives Alfred the 'you have hurt my feelings' eyes and gets what he wants and like 500 apologies.

When I look at Alfred, I see someone who likes to work when it's something he's interested in. But Matt... always struck me as a bit French. Not that we don't work hard, but Matt hit the "they pretend to pay me, so I pretend to work' attitude sometime in the '70s. And he's half insane? Like man's wandering around the woods half feral for months on end in at least one of my timelines. He comes back needing anti-parasite meds, three kinds of antibiotics and Alfred going over his checkbook like 'what the fuck did you do with your dividend this time?" Like Afred's his own kind of batshit, but he's got a good head for numbers on his shoulders.

But yeah, the best way to keep him human is to let him do shit that actually appeals and keeps the depresso level below catastrophic so hockey, forestry, etc. Working in an office in Ottawa happens but it's rare, and when it goes on too long in tandem with being as lonely as he can be with only one major border, he ends up missing half his humanity and eating raw raccoon liver in the woods. Letting him slapshot Ivan in the face at the Olympics every now and again is good for the budget lmao.

#the ask box || probis pateo #alfred and matt || lonely boys with the longest borders

[ryuichirou]

Hello!! I'm too shy to send you this out of anon, but I wanted to let you know how much I admire you. I'm a TWST artist myself, and I like certain problematic tropes and pairings. I also want to draw nsfw of my favorite ships, but I'm too afraid of doing it. The anti movement in fandoms is too overwhelming and I'm scared of people going after me. I don't mind kids yelling at me for drawing teens doing what most teens do nowadays (like sex) but everything has escalated so far that people are willing to doxx you and ruin your life over what you ship or draw, and that's what I'm scared of. I know that you probably get nasty messages and people bothering you, but seeing you and Katsu continue creating regardless of what people might say gives me encouragement to post whatever I want. And you seem to be a sunshine of a person, not to mention that your art is amazing. I wish I could post daily as you but sometimes I'm a little bit lazy and I yet need more confidence even if I've been drawing since I was a teen. Anyways, sorry if this got longer, but thank you for contributing amazing art to the TWST fandom. (I'm also into Hetalia and SnK!!! Seeing that you like DenNor made my day haha)

Sending you and Katsu my best regards!

First of all, thank you so much for your support and for your kindness, Anon. And thank you for messaging us at all about this topic, even if anonymously. I think this is a very important thing to talk about, and your message honestly made us kind of emotional. It was a bad idea to read it before going to bed lol

Just like you said, the anti movement is honestly psychotic. I feel like a lot of people who participate in it simply don’t realise the weight of their actions and words, which make sense, because the majority of them are very young; and the ones that are adults are usually quite deranged and dangerous. It’s not rare for their actions to lead to horrible consequences, but I guess this is nothing new. It used to be overbearing conservative parents, now it’s some kids with too much free time. That being said, these days we see more and more people who ignore, criticize or ridicule the antis for their hypocrisy, and this is very nice to see.

We really do get quite a lot of hate, but honestly, we used to get even more stupid comments, even though we haven’t been hated with such passion before. But still, the support we’re getting now is also much more impactful and vocal than what we used to get. There also are people who aren’t even into our ships, but would defend us just because of what this whole thing represents: their own right to do whatever they want when it comes to fiction.

Our personal thing is that we’re just way too spoiled and self-indulgent with stuff that we like. Even if it meant that we’d never get hate, we would be miserable if we had to restrict ourselves for the sake of others; and I know that because we tried. So the worst thing that could happen is that we’ll stop posting, but we’ll still continue creating, because it gives us too much joy to give it up just because someone has no friends at school and wants to impress other antis with their sick (moronic) post when they completely miss the point of our content and ignore our 18+ warnings.

So yeah, I hope you’ll remember what you love about drawing and keep doing whatever you want, even if you don’t post it. But I also think that, if you’re comfortable at any point, you should also post it. You can create an account with no link to your regular acc and your personal info whatsoever and post whatever you want there. You could still get hate, but at least it will be safer and without any high stakes, although I understand you might feel fear because people could recognise your artstyle and connect the dots.

Also preventive bans work wonderfully. If we stumble upon a post that has certain aggressive messages (you know the ones), we simply block everyone who interacted with that post. It takes time, but it’s worth it, I think. Hell, people use “call-out” (because there is nothing to call out, we’ve stated everything plainly ourselves) posts with us to block people.

Also also, ironically, ignoring the hate also kind of helps… I know it’s easy to say, and it’s not a 100% guarantee, but we just think that people are more prone to attacking you if you react to hate in any way. So the best thing is literally to just block and delete it. Oh, and always report it if it gets aggressive – this could do nothing, but it could also bitchslap them out of nowhere lol

Anyways… I am very grateful and glad if we could give you any type of reassurance and comfort with our posts. I hope to see your stuff one day, and I hope there’ll be more people who post whatever they want, so fandoms can become healthier again.

And I’m very happy you like Hetalia and SnK too, especially DenNor! <3

Thank you again from both of us, and I hope you’re having a good day.

#replies

[palidoozy-art]

Sorry if you’ve answered this before, but what website do you use to play DND? The map layouts and character tokens look really good and I’m hoping to have something similar for the online game I’m running with my friends.

No worries! I fuckin' love talking about D&D and my campaign, thank you for giving me the opportunity.

So for tools we use to play D&D -- we currently run D&D in Foundry. It has an up-front cost ($40, no subscription), but only requires a single license and then the DM can host it on their machine while everyone else connects. It has a TON of modules that allow you to customize it, including a DND beyond importer.

That said, it does cost, y'know, money. We switched to foundry for the post-Curse of Strahd campaign. Originally for Curse of Strahd we actually used roll20. Roll20 is free, but there were minor things that I didn't like about it that caused me to switch.

But if cost is your concern or you're just doing a oneshot and don't want to invest, go for roll20 imo. If you do, HIGHLY recommend you install the VTT enhancement suite and Beyond20 (if you use D&D Beyond) which improve the site immensely.

For the maps -- I vary what I use. I use the following tools and programs:

Azgaar's Fantasy Map Generator

Watabou's City Generator

Inkarnate

DungeonDraft

My own hands

Azgaar's Fantasy Map Generator is what I usually use to create a baseline for a world map, including a first draft of town and country names. I'll treat it like a rough draft before taking it into photoshop, drawing over it, and adjusting it to my liking. I generated the base of my game's world map in Azgaar's before I drew over it and adjusted it to fit my needs.

Watabou's City Generator is actually built into Azgaar's to some extent (click on any town name and it'll give you a link), but you can generate it manually, too! I used to use it to generate the city maps I'd give to my players. Here's an example of Thatking, the capital of Zarova (formerly Treteria). For reference -- the party fought the Queen here, and Kjosev died in the Citadel.

Nowadays, when I build cities, I actually use the next website on the list -- Inkarnate. I'll might use Watabou's for a base, but I use Inkarnate for polish.

Inkarnate is extremely good at two things: cities, and open-world battlemaps. Here's the lizardfolk capital of Savegoria, Paign! It's where Yolihuali is from. I built it solely through Inkarnate.

One of the things I like about Inkarnate is that it lets you adjust the hue/saturation of the little tokens you can put down, which I abused the HELL out of when I made battlemaps for Twilight Woods. Here's one of the random forest battle maps I made:

Now that said: Inkarnate sucks ass at making rooms. There's allegedly something in the works to address this... but currently you have to place every wall manually, and it sucks. That's actually where Dungeondraft comes in.

Dungeondraft is a little more cartoony, but it's great at building interiors and rooms. Unlike Inkarnate, it's not through the internet -- it's just a program you buy. But I've found decent use out of it. I built the entire map for the University of Temir in it (note: this is a snippet, the map is enormous)

And here's an example of the players' early bunkhouse, back when their town was underdeveloped! Both built using Dungeondraft.

VERY VERY RARELY I'll hand-draw a battlemap. Usually this is done because I've already tried to build the map in other tools and I wasn't happy with it, or I couldn't get it to look like the vision in my head. For example, I drew the map to Tephelt's lair by hand (snippet below: it's too big to post)

(Note: if it looks light, that's actually because I set up the lighting in Foundry. This is the equivalent of looking at a horror movie set with the lights on. Below is what it looks like in-game to my players, with Rahadin and Tephelt for size)

i also drew this little sleepy town for some reason. i don't know why. i think literally for fun.

For the tokens -- most of the ones you guys see I draw by hand. It's a decent amount of work, but my players love it. Plus I think they're cute. They are available for free and anyone can use them, as long as you don't claim credit or anything. The PSDs are included as well, so if you want to edit one or dig around in there, you can! Some of my favorites:

Now that said I'll be totally honest: I do not hand-draw every token for my players. I can't. I already put a lot of work into the campaign, and I can't feasibly draw every token when it comes to random encounters. For those, I use Token Stamp 2 to create a token from an image!

Anyway, sorry this was long. I hope it's helpful. It gave me an opportunity at least to post some of the maps I make -- I usually don't post them.

#palidoozy rambles #d&d #long post #did you know i ctrl-z'd this post like 3 times #after i had finished it #it was the worst

[sazuka57]

/post/718441984343293952/no-actually-im-mad-enough-about-it-to-speak-up when we do it people get mad and say that we're misunderstanding the characters and that we're so wrong and that it's fucking shit. i don't know what to do, i feel pressured to not fuck up

Anon imma give you my biggest secrets to fanfic writing, the ones that have carried me thru 15+ years of fic writing, of unwanted critics, of haters, and of little to no attention to my fics.

1) this is the most important one: write what makes YOU happy. Writing fanfic is a hobby and it should spark joy. It should make you happy. If this means you’re taking the big bad of the series and turning him into a baby that the heroes have to raise? Go for it. If it means a villain is your meow meow and you’re gonna rewrite the story to make him a good guy? Go for it. Whatever makes YOU happy. Because in the end, you are writing for yourself and for you to have fun. Yes validation is nice, but—

2) —but it’s not the end all, be all. It’s always so so sooooo good when people comment on your fics and leave you reviews and go nuts for your work. But I write for dead or niche fandoms and I rarely get attention on any of my work. And I made peace with that. You need to make peace with that. Validation is nice, but kudo/comments/hits are not the goal here: you having fun is.

3) ignore the haters. There are SO many gatekeepers in fandoms nowadays that it sucks the fun and joy out of life. Block them, don’t even reply, just block them. AO3 has mute and block buttons. Use them. And if they are extra rude? Report them. In the old days, we used to say “flames will be used to warm cold feet” which translates to “your hate is less than dirt” (flames here being haters and unwanted criticisms). It still applies.

4) this one is optional but: find like minded people! People who’d enjoy your work! People who you love discussing ideas with! It goes a long way to give motivation!

5) this one is hella important: it’s not ooc if it’s an au!! :) A person growing up in a war zone is gonna have very different experiences than a person growing up with parents who run a coffee shop and will have a different experience to growing up in an orphanage etc etc. and all of these things WILL affect a person’s behavior and will change how they interact with the world. Even if all those three scenarios had the same trauma (i.e. a fire), each one would react differently and would lose different things, which again, affects how they’d act.

6) BE ooc!! DO IT. Why? Because NO ONE is gonna write the character as “ic”’as the original writers/creators. The character in your head is different than the character in another person’s head, and in another’s, and so on. This is because our own lives and experiences affect the way we interact with the world—and fictional works. And working super hard to please the public means that someone out there will always go “that’s ooc how dare you.” You can never please everyone, remember that!

6.5) but also: write crackfic. It will help you break out of the fear of oocness so much. Even if you don’t write them, have crackfic ideas. They’re so good for your soul—humor is so good and cringe is dead.

7) and this is hella important: Anon you are human. Humans make mistakes. We fuck up. It’s how we learn and grow. And NO ONE was born perfect. Writing takes practice. Writing in character takes practice for every new character you write! It’s not easy! But you gotta trust yourself and your writing skills, and that requires practice too! Practice practice practice!!

So, TL;DR: Do what you want. Do what makes you happy. You are not being paid for this, and if people don’t like your writing, they can pay you to write exactly what they want. And fuck up as much as it takes for you to feel satisfied with the pieces your working with. And most important—aus and oocness go hand in hand.

#anon #fanfic #fanfiction #writing #writing advice #zazu talks

[niuniente]

I don't know if you've ever posted about this, but if you ever feel like it I'd love to see the card decks you use and hear a little bit about them 😁 Which is your favourite, which is good for what, how you got them... I always hear good stories when I ask people about their decks! 🃏

I have spoken a bit about my decks in some asks but I've never introduced them all. All the photos are from online. I've left out some decks which I don't use and plan to give away.

Ascendent Masters Oracle Cards by Doreen Virtue was my first oracle deck. I bought it from Scotland very long time ago and it was my first introduction to oracle cards. Nowadays this deck serves for questions which are somehow related to person's life lessons and difficult lessons. It's quite heavy after being used for so long so I use it rarely. Heavy deck fits heavier topics. As all Doreen Virtue's decks (as she converted to her childhood religion), this deck is sold out. You can find fake copies from Aliexpress, which are the best you can do now if you want this deck or any other of Doreen's decks I've got.

Archangel Michael's deck (also from Doreen) was my 2nd deck as I had such positive experiences with the Ascendant Master's deck. This is my most reliable deck and I managed to get an extra deck before these were sold out. I use this deck pretty much to all readings, for any topic. It's my most versatile and most loved deck - and it has a few funny cards! Like this Decide To Be Happy Now. Boy, Michael doesn't look too happy. It's also good for Yes/No readings.

I'm not a mermaid person nor a dolphin person, never was, but this deck was my favorite from the moment I saw it. Magical Mermaids and Dolphins (also from Doreen) is one of the feminine decks. It's excellent for dreams, how to reach your goals, pep talks, for brighter energies. If I use this deck in the reading, it usually comes at the end of the reading to give a soft pep talk.

I got Black Cat Tarot from @sunnysunflowers as a Friend's Day gift some years ago. I love its art the best but as I'm still learning how to use tarot, I haven't used this as much as the oracle decks. This deck has its own personal meanings differing from traditional tarot. See above how V, the Hierophant, isn't so much visually about preaching as it is a teacher and a master who provides those in need and doesn't try to eat the mice. The Chariot in traditional tarot usually asks the rider to decide where to go, but as you can see, in this deck the Chariot is taking the cat forward, whether the cat wants that or not. This is visually very interesting deck to read if you forget what the tarots usually mean and see what's described in the pictures.

Halloween Oracle Deck by Stacey DeMarco took me a little while until it started to work for me. Nowadays, it's very easy deck to use and answers really good for questions such as what's the issue, what's the hindrance, what's the problem? I read this deck based on the cards and their symbolism than what the guide book says. This deck unfortunately has a creepy looking Mummy card I have taken out from the deck because just NO. Not that kind of vibe into my readings, thanks. It also has the most hideous werewolf I've ever seen. A disgrace to all werewolves (I'm sorry, artist! Q_Q) and as someone who has loved werewolves since I was 6 it pains me so much...!

Gods and Titans, also from Stacey DeMarco, is one of my favorite decks. This goes very well together with the Halloween deck. This deck contains only male deities from different cultures and masculine energy, so I always use it for clients who want to know something related to their male relatives, bosses, sons, husbands, lovers, including the future partner. This is very no-nonsense deck and a wonderful celebration for men and the guidance you can get from men & masculine energy. Though that Barbaric Fantasy Thor card always makes me laugh.

Angelarium deck from Peter Mohrbacher took me really long until it started to work. Turns out this deck needed other decks to accompany it. Now, when I'm more familiar with the deck I can use it alone, too, but this always shines together with other decks. It's one of my fave decks but it's pretty hard to use for beginners, so I would recommend you all to start with a simpler deck. This deck requires lots of connecting dots, intuition and seeing the big picture in small details. I got this from Thene, who was part of our Metal Gear Solid paintchat group long ago. She also makes oracle readings. It was a real surprise gift and I'm still very grateful for this deck! It even has Peter's autograph on its cover.

Sacred Traveler by Denise Linn (a Cherokee by her family line) I got this from my sister as a Christmas present. This is very easy deck to use, very nice to approach, as all Denise Linn's decks are if you ask me. This is supportive dreamer deck, full of positive messages and lots of cards. As it's a traveler's deck, I always use this if there is a need to find direction for something or someone.

Shaman's Oracle by John Matthews was a gift from @panimauser some years ago. It has worked really well and after many years, now shines as one of my most trusted decks when I really need to dig into things. It has lots of cards and all have photos of real cave paintings on them.

Yokai Tarot by @buboplague is a gift from @lanelacy. This deck is an art deck I'm not using for readings as it's a way too precious for me to be damaged in use. As the name implies, this deck contains Japanese demons and monsters.

Neon Moon Tarot by Pixel Occult is the best tarot deck I've had since I owned a Viking Tarot deck in my early 20's. This is so easy to use as we clearly speak same language with this deck. With tarot, it is important to find a deck which speaks the same language with you and vibes with you. Otherwise the reading can be difficult. This deck was a gift.

Moonology oracle cards by Yasmin Boland came to me as an exchange with my sister; she didn't come along with this deck and I had a deck I didn't come along, so we switched the decks. This works for me and my deck works for her. I use this rather rarely but it always has good and wise messages to give to me. It has light energy and it's pretty straightforward in a good way.

StarDragon Oracle deck is super pretty and a small deck but for some reason we don't come along that well. It feels a bit soulless and distant, but perhaps it has a long waking up-period similar to the Angelarium deck? I use this so rarely I was thinking not even including it in this list.

Small Bunny Postcards. These are not meant for oracle readings but they work perfectly for divination, like any other tool(s). I read these by interpreting the images and their symbolism.These seem to be good in predicting time frames or time posts I should be aware of.

This is my haul from the past decade. It's that difficult for me to find decks I come along with haha.

#ask niu #long post #oracle cards #divination

[eisforeidolon]

After watching the trailer of TW in was quite natural that Jensen would get some heat as somehow he has put himself into that spot but now things are again going out of hands. My dash is filled with posts like Jensen is backstabber, Jensen is cunt, Jensen is just like his unhinged fans, Jensen and Misha are no different etc... To an extent where it is frustrating. Maybe I am wrong to think like that, but I cannot dismiss someone without giving him benefit of doubts just by judging his one wrong decision. Also, Jared posted something supportive for Jensen, his stans think he did that because he is great and classy which is very much true- but also I believe he is smart enough not to extend his support over a backstabber if there was no mutual understanding between themselves regarding the scenario. Or he can do it to avoid controversy, I don't know if that was necessary. However, I was damn angry and frustrated on Jensen and still am, but haven't found any reason to think he is the worst person ever till now, but this kind of posts mentally forces to believe that which is tiring. It makes me think whether I am being blind to certain truths because I don't want to handle them, but also I don't want to be judgemental on someone I don't know for his offense on someone else because I necessarily don't know the whole story. It's a strange conflict. You are one of them most sane peoples of this fandom whi are extremely rare nowadays, so coming to you for rescue. Hope you don't mind.

I think it's important to remember that SPN fandom is ... really super extra about everything. Prequelgate both set off brand new conflict and brought a lot of previously subterranean stan resentment up to the surface.

I'll just say again, consider the biases of the blogs you're reading. Compare what they're saying to direct sources and available facts. Consider what seems reasonable given everything you know.

For example, when a blog talks about a new development, do they frequently leave details out that don't fit with their opinion? Do they state what are clearly their interpretations as facts? Do they drastically contradict themselves from one post to another, depending on what will spin better for a consistent underlying agenda? Is their response to what they're reacting to actually proportionate? Can they admit to even the possibility of being wrong? Do they spend a lot of time claiming to be superior and uninterested while constantly diving into the wank they're supposedly above and the topic they don't care about? Does their opinion depend on believing some kind of underlying reason that doesn't actually make much sense if you follow the logic through? Does their version of events require whoever they stan to be a moronic, helpless blob that needs their protection? Or whoever they don't to be an idiotic mustache-twirling villain?

I'm not going to tell you who or what to believe, but I think if you consider the overall picture any given blog is painting in terms of the factors above? It might help you determine how seriously you should actually be taking what they say. Especially when it doesn't agree with your own impressions from the original context without the extra stan spin on top. This fandom is full of a lot of very heavily invested, very opinionated people. A lot of whom have very specific pictures built up in their heads of who J2 and each J individually should be. I think it's good to examine other opinions, but in doing so it's very important to consider how much weight they actually deserve. I personally have no more interest in digging for hidden clues in J2's positive statements and interactions with each other since prequelgate to prove they're fake than I ever had in searching for clues in the show to secret hidden storylines.

One last consideration in terms of dealing with all the negativity? Despite considering myself a wank blog, I actually officially follow only a small handful of SPN blogs that are largely wank free. I enjoy interacting with a much wider circle of blogs, but sometimes I find it very helpful to be able to check into the fandom on my dash without also having to check in to the wank, if that makes sense.

#askboxery #anonymous #anti actor stans #minor anti prequel sentiment #long post

[dropthedemiurge]

i started watching because of you and i did not expect to cry so hard over the main character's dad. don't get me wrong, the angst and romance drama is very sad and secondhand embarrassment too but what apparently hits me the hardest rn is the dad stuff. i don't know much about thai society but i can guess they value family a lot and being a sudden orphan must have nerfed the main character's confidence even more

oh also pear is really cute we love to see a girl winning. you go get that education and the life you deserve! im hoping for her sake the writers will be compassionate to her in the ending however that works out. she's so kind to everyone, please be kind to her. it's not her fault she has a somewhat crush on her childhood best friend. that's quite a long time to get to know someone

i also feel bad for the angsty guy like when he showed up drunk the day of the wedding i wanted to close the blinds and give him water. call his heart a fiddle the way he's being played/strung along rn. ten years ago i probably would have read sad angst fics of him and cried for him because he's so obvious about his feelings but clueless guy is so oblivious. but i don't think those secondhand emotions will hit until clueless guy is enlightened so im happy to postpone all of that for later. clueless guy really is quite the train wreck.who knew time wizards could fix light-up snow globes? i want a snow globe that lights up AND plays music. in the show they think it's cheap but that is combining several snowglobe selling points into one. in addition to having fake snow in the sculpture ball!!!!!!

i don't really know what else to say so far im not caught up yet but thanks for exposing me to this. oh also! it's funny they included a cat food commercial in the show. they really know their demographic lol

First of all, I really appreciate you anon sharing your impressions of Be My Favorite with me - but I couldn't be more perplexed when the first message came in without warning and NOTHING indicated me that you were talking about BMF and not some random time wizard shops xDD Anyway, now that I'm on the same page -- YOU GET IT! Anon, you get it. I'm not watching BMF as much for the romance and everything, as I'm watching it to see all character's development (which is done so great) and damn, all the scenes and flashbacks of Kawi, the clueless guy, with his dad are just so. Hitting right in your heart :'))) Not just Thai society, basically in Asian culture they value family and traditions very strongly! (as opposed to western's individualism etc). You can see a lot of Thai, Korean, Japanese series incorporate it so well with showing hierarchy between people, dependence from parents -- but also caring about each other, sticking close with your family and wanting to put all effort into managing that bond. It even extends to other people outside of the family, people being affectionate and bonding with one another and calling their friends family or caring for strangers and helping them because they remind them of their relatives etc.

Sorry for the sidetracking xD Pear is absolutely loveable person but all the characters so far in this series are grey, there is no fully bad or fully good person.👀 I'm really curious to see whether they'll go with Pear.

Clueless guy is maturing with full speed. Pisaeng also found the courage in Kawi and now he'll stand up hopefully to own his life and be confident about it. They all grow and hopefully they'll take care of each other, as it seem to be the message of the show. But... There are still few episodes left and damn, let's get ready for even more angst xD I'm happy that you were motivated to watch Be My Favorite because of my posts! I feel bad sometimes for spamming but the quality, the production, the storytelling is done SO WELL in this series that I cannot help but share and share. Because it's a rare thing nowadays and I'm excited. I literally have no complains about this show at all, I'm fascinated to dig and interpret every single detail.

New episode is coming today! Have fun watching!

#be my favorite #be my favorite series #asks #droptheanswer

[kierancampire]

I don't really care if this seems like bragging, also, i don't mean to offend or upset anyone with what I'm about to say, but eh

Something I'm starting to hate is how good i am at listening to and supporting people. I won't deny I'm great at it and i don't think it's arrogant to admit, i was the therapist friend when i was younger, and nowadays if people come to me for support they thank me, seem to take on board whatever i say, and if they just want me to listen, i do that, otherwise I'll write paragraphs on my opinion, outcomes, what they could do, what could help, and i will talk about it for hours with them

Wanna know part of the reason i make these posts, even though i hate it? Because I'm routinely let down by others. Wanna know what happens literally every time i try to go to someone for support? I get ignored, i get told "I don't know what to say", they start unloading on me about their problems, i get told it doesn't matter, it's all in my head, i just need to see a therapist, the subject is dropped instantly, people make jokes about it, people insult and hurt me more. I would say extremely rarely have i even ever received so much as 5% of what i give to others

And i get not everyone is great at giving support, and my friends who are struggling and have enough going on in their own lives, i never go to them for support, but even if i did I'd never expect a decent response, so there's nothing being held against certain people. But others? Just for once, i want someone to give me the support i give others, because just literally every single time i go to someone, it is the same things again and makes me wish I'd never said anything. It hurts, it also makes me want to stop being there for people, because no one's there for me

Recently a friend so i could go to him for help, so i did, wanna know what he said? Everyone deals with the issue i brought up, then started talking about his relationship. That's the shit i deal with, every time, this same friend i have given hours of job and relationship support to. I just want to feel like someone cares, i just want help and to feel supported, i want to feel like i got something out of opening up and screaming for help

Even my therapist, lately she's told me off for using scientific terms for things, or played devils advocate when i have told him I'm tired of fighting the demons themselves, I've left multiple therapy sessions crying and npt wanting to go back, so I'm not even getting support there. That is all i want, that support i have given for years. Again, i don't want to offend anyone, and this isn't aimed at certain people, weordly the ones most likely to care/read this are who i mean the least, i just want to feel cared for

#personal

[john-langley-bristol-blogger]

Modern Behaviour, and the Return to our Primal Selves.

February 12, 2024

I cannot think of any circumstance where I would actually kill someone. Actually, no. Maybe I could, and so could you. You see, we all have that primal instinct to survive, and, when faced with the rare and exceptional circumstance of absolutely fearing our own continued existence by means of anything that threatens it, we will use whatever means are available to us to ensure we get out of the situation alive.

As far removed as we are nowadays from our Homo habilis ancestors the instinct to survive danger will always remain deep within our DNA: even if we choose not to use it, because we become so weakened and broken it feels so much easier to give in accept the consequence of our fatal demise. Now, if you've read my book 'The Sexual Philanthropist' you'll find it unremarkable that my blog posts (including this one) are an extension of what I've already written, and expanded towards deeper thinking. Equally, you'll find that the thread of one blog post is carried into the next. So, it should come as no surprise at all that I'm now delving further into human behaviour, if it's only for my own, greater understanding.

I've previously shared with you my concerns as to how human behaviour appears to have changed drastically since the beginning of this millennium. Of course, it isn't to say that pre-millennium the country was completely absent from violence, as the many gangs of the sixties, seventies, and eighties will lay testament to, as well as the many murderers, such as Hindley. However, nowadays we are witness to a new breed of violence where literally anyone can be attacked at any time, day or night - and to the majority of us, for the most illogical and senseless of reasons that we would simply shrug off and think little else of.

In my overview of just how much behaviour has changed within the Gen X to Z spectrum of behaviour I believe it's helpful to look at the neuropsychology which on the surface, at least, appears to drive this. It's inside of our temporal lobe where a control centre of neurons and protons regulates how we behave (again, this is all elaborated on within my book 'The Sexual Philanthropist'). In short, fear, emotion, and how these are regulated, to some extent maketh who we are, without being dismissive of our physiological selves. We humans are tribal by nature and monkey-see, monkey-do in many ways. Whereas, we wouldn't all rush into a burning building, we would, in principle, collectively take up arms to fight for a cause we believe in, which demonstrates the difference between irrational and rational thinking.  So, if that part of our temporal lobe tells us it's okay to take up arms, we more than likely

would. In the same way, it's my belief that by means of collective thinking through copycat behaviour it has now become more acceptable to a proportion of society that inflicting violence on another with little, or no justification at all, is somehow okay. Knife crime in recent years has exploded out of all rational proportion, even here, in Bristol. Currently, no less than thirteen people have been arrested over the senseless killing of a fifteen, and sixteen-year-old boy: one of which accused and charged with being a man in his forties, and six others aged fourteen to seventeen. In other parts of the country, primary children have been caught with knives, or have assaulted school staff. The predominance of teen knife crime escalates as much as drunken and drug-fuelled rages are unnecessary everyday occurrences on our streets. Speaking of school staff, it's just occurred to me that teachers don't invest three to four years of their lives in training to learn surrogate parenting, as much as childcare professionals shouldn't have nappy changing and teeth cleaning classes as part of their job description roles. 

Yet again, I find myself referring back to previous blog posts, and continuing the thread of self-entitlement through generational drip-feeding of learned helplessness. The abdication of responsibility and the apportioning of blame are the equivalent of creating a problem to then blame another for solving it, and vice versa. No matter how much you try, it ain't going to work while one is constantly at loggerheads with its opposite. For some reason, the realisation of this appears to bypass some, if not most people of the Gen X-Z cohort nowadays. It isn't a case of our human brain changing, shape, or size that causes such a sea-change in human behaviour to the extent we see it nowadays, and here's another thing to get your cognitive wheels spinning, whatever happened to respect?

I ask this question because it wasn't so far back that people had something called 'respect' for their parents, teachers, the police, neighbours, the elderly, etc. Nowadays, it's respect for someone who carries a knife. Yet, in a bizarre and totally illogical twist, the person carries the knife in fear, and therefore, in reality, this translates as respecting someone else's fear. Now, how does that work, exactly? You see, respect is taught at home, and if your child is a disrespectful little shit, it's your fault as a parent. Not society's. Not music. Not video games. Not social media. Yours, because the buck stops with you. You're the one who sends them off to the bedroom to play video games, or engage in other crap because you're too busy watching your favourite soaps, or even busier getting likes on Facebook, for instance. If all you want to do is breed kids to then hive them off to another object, or person, then don't have them. If you're having kids to not potty train, nappy change, dress themselves, or show them how to brush their teeth, don't have them. If you're not prepared to spend time teaching them to read, write, and help with their homework, don't have them. If you're willing to allow your young teenagers out on the streets late at night, and they get stabbed, even murdered, don't have them. More so, if this does occur, then blame yourself, not others, and give the child up for adoption to those who will provide a proper upbringing.

However, regarding the above paragraph, and my reflection regarding respect for teachers. We must, sadly, have to face the fact that a lot of kids: and not necessarily the majority, they have little, or no interest in education, and a fair percentage don't even want to attend school post-covid because they've been indoctrinated into feeling 'fear' again. So, it's blamed on ADHD, stress, anxiety, or some other things of a societal cause that in reality are more symptoms. Now, far from suggesting that all parenting is bad parenting, as yet again, I suggest generations of learned helplessness passed down. I've read, and heard so many parents striving the be 'friends' with their offspring, and while I understand that way of parenting children are being allowed to run riot because there are no hard, and fast rules in place that teach children important lessons such as boundaries and respect. Lines that, when crossed will be the severest consequences for, and absolutely no negotiation.

As I said a few paragraphs back, we're monkey-see, monkey-do in nature, and if parents don't display a respectful attitude towards their kids, and others, it is not unreasonable to expect their offspring to grow up being exact replicas of their elders. So, with learned helplessness instilled by default, it's hardly surprising to see a marked increase in feral behaviour and a lesser fear of both the law and any subsequent consequences that may apply. I use the term 'may apply' somewhat advisedly, given the complete disarray of our broken criminal justice system as it currently stands and increasing tweaks to legislation that serve little purpose other than to unnecessarily logjam court proceedings for months, even years in some cases. Our prisons are overpopulated by people who either shouldn't be there in the first place because their crimes are so petty they warrant a far less stringent punishment, or people dumb enough to risk losing their liberty over something which had they thought through in the first place before committing their crime, would have realised that detection rates aided by increasingly sophisticated technology nowadays make anything less than a crime of utter brilliance and meticulous planning not worth the effort.

Hence, we return to that part of the brain which is fundamentally the traffic lights of human behaviour where red signifies stop, green for go and amber a warning. The temporal lobe, and more specifically the amygdala (uh-mig-duh-luh), which being nothing more than an almond-type structure containing a cluster of neurons plays such an important role in our behaviour, emotional control and learning, which, after the amygdala sends a distress signal, it activates the sympathetic nervous system by sending signals through the autonomic nerves to the adrenal glands, and these glands respond by pumping the hormone epinephrine (also known as adrenaline) into the bloodstream via another part of the system known as the hippocampus.

Anyway, to cut an even longer and quite possibly more confusing story short, existing boundaries of fear that would otherwise prevent people from acting in previously unacceptable ways have shifted dramatically to where we find ourselves now, in feral Britain. It could almost be said that we are reverting back further towards our more primal selves in origin which would take a far greater brain than mine to translate and articulate. If, by chance, you don't believe me or refuse to accept my thoughts as being nothing more than conspiracy theories, that's fine by me. However, pause before you do, and long enough to absorb what you've already seen, heard, and are familiar with via news outlets.

The hungry who steal food from shops out of necessity. The increasing poverty that disempowers people from paying their energy bills, and more generally, keeping a roof over their heads. Those who have their shopping basics provided by food banks, and charities. Those who now have to wait months, even years for surgery. Those who have to resort to self-dental care because there are fewer NHS dentists, and those who fear walking the streets because someone may pull a knife on them - to those who will carry weapons in order to defend themselves against attack. Now, tell me that all of the above, and more, don't signify a return towards our primal instincts.

Our need to survive, whatever the odds against may be, as this is where it appears we now stand steadfast, in survival of the fittest mode. Of course, there will be those who will blame successive governments, and in part, they will be correct to do so because it's an easy blame when it stops us from having to take a long, hard look at ourselves instead, and accept the ownership and responsibility of who we are becoming through rediscovering our historically fearless, primal, inner beings.

#john langley #john langley blog #bristol #john langley bristol writer #google #john langley tumblr #gen x #gen z and millennial workers want to work overseas #gen z #neuropsychology #amygdala #hippocampus

[t1oui]

An introduction to an old, abandoned wip

Hey everyone! Today's post is going to be a bit of a mess considering I don't actually have a lot of info about this wip with me right now... oops. This wip was one of the first major universes I ever made (covid was rough, guys. I had a lot of time on my hands), but after starting work on some other wips like Eons or tWoA, I did something I don't usually do: forget pretty much everything about this story's plot. I just remember that it was interesting, so recently I've been trying to revive it some! Enjoy :)

Galactica in a nutshell

This wip, Galactica (this is a placeholder but we'll use it for now), is somewhat like my tWoA wip in that it takes place in a universe where humans/humanoids inhabit multiple planets/solar systems. In Galactica, the focus is on our own solar system - known as the Copernican System - and the relationships mainly between the leaders of the planets & their friends/allies. In Galactica, they have a rather complicated magic system that started out simply consisting of angels & demons and quickly spiraled out of control. You will see more what I mean below.

Characters + their purposes

The characters I remember the most about are Louis, Jacque, Rose, Zach, and a character I've given the placeholder name Bracket (or []) because I cannot remember his name. There are many more characters, but these five are some of the main ones. Bracket/[] is the king of one of Earth's kingdoms, Spiriton, largely recognized as the "evil kingdom" for the fact that it is largely made up of either fallen angels or demons (I can't remember). Louis Hynes is Bracket's best friend & confidant (and former crush, though Bracket really would rather if we didn't get into that) as well as the general of Spiriton's army. I don't remember his species/magic type, but there's a good chance he's either a fallen angel or an angel. (Watch him be neither.) He's also my first aroace character! Jacque is the king of Dea Tacita (better known simply as Tacita), the ninth and largest planet in the Copernican System. He's mostly considered dark, mysterious, and powerful - unless you know him, in which case you are well aware that he is a dramatic mope who wishes he never broke up with Bracket. Rose is a dark angel and Zach's half sister. I don't remember much else about her other than the fact that she's mute and she was one of my favorite characters. Zach is the delinquent of the friend group, recently released from juvie after nearly killing a teacher at his old school when he realized that they'd been accepting bribes to give rich students better grades. He, like Rose, is also a dark angel.

A basic guide to the magic system (because I forgot most of it)

In the Galactica universe, there are many, many different magic types (as you saw above). Here's a very, very basic guide to them!

→ Angels ↪ Angels are the most basic magic type, also known as the "default". Their color is sky blue. → Demons ↪ Demons are relatively uncommon nowadays, and they're not very important to the story as there aren't many of them left. "Half-breeds" such as fallen angels are usually considered more dangerous. Their color is black. → Fallen angels ↪ Fallen angels are one of the most common magic types. They come from one angel and one demon parent and though they used to be outcast from society, they're so common now that this doesn't really happen. Their color is white. → Dark angels ↪ Dark angels are considered the most dangerous magic type as they're extremely rare. Their magic is largely undocumented, though some say it's "unpredictable". Their color is maroon. → Light angels ↪ Light angels are a rare but harmless magic type known for having powers surrounding, unsurprisingly, light. Their color is yellow. → Broken light angels ↪ Broken (or fallen) light angels are another rare magic type, though their magic is mostly documented and they're considered fairly harmless. They have one angel or fallen angel parent and one light angel parent, and their powers often have to do with creatures (such as fireflies) that emit light. They often have familiars that appear as small, humanoid figures made of light. Their color is a yellow to sky blue gradient. → Forest sprites ↪ Forest sprites, or "green angels", are yet another rare magic type. They are also harmless. Their magic centers around plants and woodland animals, such as birds or squirrels. Their color is green.

I know there are many other characters in this universe - and I'm sure there's at least one other magic type, because I'm vaguely remembering something purple - but I wanted to get this account rolling, so I'm going to post this as is and post an updated intro soon :) Until then, stay safe & stay creative!

Credits: ⋆ moon divider by @firefly-graphics ⋆ chain divider by @cafekitsune

#wip introduction #fantasy #scifi #writeblur #writers of tumblr #magic system #worldbuilding #fantasy wip

[blacksurvivalnostalgichanges]

Fiora:It’s so bizarre when animated american films are set in a certain location and then only certain characters have the accents of that place. It makes no sense. Like, why is Colette more french than everyone else in Ratatouille? Why are Hiccup’s dads more scottish than everyone else in How to Train your Dragon?

Nathapon:To be fair, almost everyone in Ratatouille does have a French accent. The real question is why Linguini and also all the rats sound intensely American. If it was just the rats I’d say it’s because the movie can be interpreted to mean that the rats understand but don’t necessarily speak human languages so the rat dialog isn’t literally taking place the way we see it, but that doesn’t explain why Linguini has a rat accent.

Fiora:(chuckling) Linguini has a rat accent....

Sua:Do we ever hear for sure if he’s french? Maybe he’s an american immigrant.

Fiora:I mean, his name is Alfredo Linguini, so I always assumed he was italian.

Nathapon:Wait, his first name is Alfredo?

Fiora:Yep.

Li Dailin:Guys, he’s american. His mom’s american, they mention it in the start of the movie.

Nathapon:I’m sorry, I’ve moved on to the fact his mother was going through her cupboard for baby names.

Fiora:Alfredo was a name before it was a sauce, let’s go over the movie from the top again.

#immortal soul incorrect quotes #incorrect quotes #eternal return incorrect quotes #nathaponblacksurvival #fiorablacksurvival #suablacksurvival #lidailinblacksurvival #i rarely give my take on one of my own posts nowadays because i don't like influencing #either negatively by saying i don't like it or positively by saying i liked it #but this one is kind of a favorite of mine rn #imagining it as all of them in the same couch. conversating mid movie

[eligaxy]

Wind

☆ℜ𝔢𝔩𝔞𝔱𝔦𝔬𝔫𝔰𝔥𝔦𝔭 : Venti x gn!Reader

☆𝔚𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 : near death experience, you’re confused asf about everything, bad writing cause i suck, spoilers for the we will be reunited quest!! And also for venti’s backstory, venti is serious for once (yes it’s a legitimate warning🤚)

☆𝔊𝔢𝔫𝔯𝔢 : Some angst, some fluff? Idk bye🤨

☆𝔖𝔲𝔪𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔶 : "It's okay, it's over now" he kneeled to be at your level, his arms still wrapped around you, and you didn't have the energy to fight your urge of nuzzling into him. "I'll always be here for you, wherever there is wind, remember I'm here too. You only need to ask." (2.8k words)

♪𝔑𝔬𝔱𝔢𝔰 : i’m an idiot simp, i did this in one sitting and half asleep, english isnt my first language BLA BLA IM SORRY FOR MY POOR WRITING BUT HAVE THIS

basically you don’t know if you can trust venti or not, head says no, heart screams yes

Also, I was listening to stormterror’s lair ost while writing it, just because its fucking amazing, you might wanna listen to it too

I’m nervous to post this?/&:! This is the second fic i’ve ever finished in my whole life

i love venti and he’s hot in his god outfit i don’t make the rules

KAY ENJOY <3

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

"Please, anybody... Just help me."

Saying you were exhausted would have been an understatement. After reuniting with your sibling, you had been frantically searching for clues about khaenri'ah and ways to Inazuma. With no luck, you couldn't find any traces of Dainsleif or of your twin. The ruins had been sealed and you had no idea what happened to the inverted statue or the corpse you had found there. Desperately, you clung into every little information you had, you would have turned every rock on this archon damned continent if you had to, which is what led you into those ruins near Guilli plains.

Walking along the destroyed buildings your eyes caught sight of a dandelion and you froze. You missed them so much, why couldn't they go back home with you? All you ever wanted was to be by their side why, why were they running away from you?

You remembered your travels, the moments you shared together, their protectiveness over you, the fondness in their eyes when you smiled at them. You remember the times you got hurt and healed one another with your now missing powers. You remember sleeping by their side and being grateful to the universe to let you keep your ray of sunshine everywhere with you. How ironic.

What had they meant 'once you reach the end of your journey' ? What does that even mean? Stupid twin, if they knew you were here the whole time, why hadn't they come to you? Why were they always leaving just when they were within your grasp? Why? Did they know how much you missed them and how much your heart broke when you finally saw them? Did they?

You only realized you were crying when a small gust of wind had your wet cheek react to the cold, breaking your train of thought. Wind.

The wind is everywhere, you think, free as a bird, always accompanying every citizen of this world, never truly alone. With this in mind, you resumed your exploring, slower this time.

A sigh escaped your mouth. You didn't want to admit it, but the wind did comfort you a little. Almost as if he was here. God of freedom and of the breeze, he was more a singer than a protector and you couldn't bear to think about him. Was it true? What Dain said... Did he destroy this nation? Was he the cause of the scenery that still haunted your nightmares up until 500 years later? Your brain simply couldn't accept that Venti, your Venti, you catch yourself thinking, could have made such an act of wrath. He was the epitome of freedom, why would he take the very thing he based all of his existence on from mere mortals? Barbatos simply couldn't be afraid of being overpowered, he didn't even care about power. All he wanted was freedom and happiness for his people. Surley this couldn't be right?

But then again, who were you to deny the wipe out of an entire nation? The gods did it. They were afraid that Celestia would be overthrown by the pride of humankind, the destruction of khaenri'ah by divine beings was a fact. There was no misunderstanding about this. That was the one thing you were sure of. So why did you feel like crying even more now?

The mere thought of a gentle soul such as Venti committing innocent people to an eternity of suffering didn't sit right with you. Even when his dearest friend Dvalin had turned against him, he didn't try to stop him, didn't even ask the dragon to save him. He healed and helped him, gave him a choice.

'What is freedom if demanded of you by a god?' was the same person that asked this question the same one who committed mass murder? Genocide?

Did the little wine-lover bard you had grown fond of destroy all hopes and light your kin had?

You remember that night when he freed Stanley from his burden, freed his and his friends' spirits. You had marveled at his action, in that instant he was a god, and he definitely hadn't struck you as a murderer. You remember that look of silent pain and grief in his eyes when he sang the tales of the nameless bard he had taken the appearance of. You knew he trusted you enough to share his story, something so personal, you could almost feel the war that took down the tyrant of Mond. Oh how much you cherished that evening, treating him to some well deserved dandelion wine afterwards, his favorite, and asking him to sing you more about the time where was nothing but the spirit of a breeze.

Your heart broke a little, remembering his rosy cheeks and drunk smile, you wish you could talk to him, ask him what happened. What did he do, was he really as dangerous as you had been told? If so, then why did you feel so good around him? Why did you feel like you could give hi-

You stopped walking upon seeing a ruin guard up ahead in the distance. You're so stupid, you think. Feeling this way is not gonna get you anywhere, especially with how the bard had been missing for a few weeks now. Ever since you had last seen your sibling.

Where was he, where was he wandering off to? You walk towards the disabled ruin guard, not really paying any mind to it, still thinking about the god you longed to meet with. If you could see him, what would you even say? Would he even answer your questions? Why did your stomach feel so light and funny when you thought about seeing him, why aren't you angrier?

You're almost at the killing machine's level now, so lost in your thought you don't notice the five other similar robots hidden behind a wall next to it. You notice them only when it's too late and you've already turned them on while thinking about examining them and collecting their serial numbers. When you hear the familiar tick of the mechanism turning on, you internally panic and think about running away only to calm down moments later and think to yourself that you can simply beat it and take what you came here for. Even if you are emotionally and physically tired, you can manage, you think.

That was before hearing five other consecutive ticks right after it, and all around you.

Turning around, your gaze falls upon the small army of field tillers. Fuck.

Paimon wasn't with you today, you had asked for some time alone which she hesitantly accepted, so you couldn't ask her to go fetch help. You would have been worried if you had all your capacities but with the state you were in, you were wondering how you were going to survive this fight. You were alone, none of your companions with you, and deeply weakened by the busy day you had and the few hours of sleep you had managed to steal away from the night. Was it today you would meet your doom, with all your questions and uncertainties unanswered?

You tried your best to fight with the strength you had left, but quickly grew desperate after what felt like hours of efforts to swing your blade and being able to only take one monster down out of the six. It didn't help that you got injured along the way, their blows becoming harder and harder to dodge. After being thrown on the grown for the third time, you understood you had at least two broken ribs and that your shaking legs would soon fail you as well.

Fear crept upon you, you would die here today, alone. Alone. You couldn't talk to your sibling after all, couldn't understand. You didn't even get to talk to him one last time. Him... You would die without the knowledge of the truth about your bard. You would die alone. You didn't want that, you couldn't look death straight in the eye.

"Please, anybody... Just help me."

-

In Mondstadt, there was a musician, a weird singer everyone had heard about at least once. He lived off of his songs and was mostly known for having a great story-telling and being an alcoholic.

The number of people who knew the true nature of his identity were few and he was perfectly content with that. He didn't wish to be a god anymore, his gnosis had been taken away anyway and it's not like he had any power over the city of wind nowadays. Even if his people still worshipped him as Barbatos, it didn't sit right with him to be called a god anymore. It actually never did, he thinks to himself with a smile, he never really took any responsibilities that came with the divine title which is why he was so weak today. But it didn't matter to him, his smile turns into a soft giggle.

Sitting on a mill that was once born from his steps he looks fondly over the city he founded. Even if they were godless, the citizens were still thriving and free. He cared oh so very deeply about the place even if he rarely, if not never, showed the affection within his heart. He remembers the day he grew strong enough to dispel the storms over his actual Mondstadt, and made the weather gentle enough so that there was no need for fireplaces. Nowadays, he loves watching birds nest into the chimney tops and seeing them found their own home. It gave him a sense of belonging like no other, not above his people, but walking among them and watching them nest into this cocoon he created. He was proud of what happened to his land and would do it all over again if he had to.

Especially since it led to him meeting you. This thought doesn't catch him off guard, you often roamed around in his mind after all, and it's not like he didn't write at least three songs about you and your feat, your smile, your courage...

Ah there he goes again, rambling about you in a whisper. He turns around to the statue of him his people erected in his honor, chuckling at how they never made the connection with his signature braids. His, but not really his, since he had stolen this form from someone who was much more deserving of this power than him. Seeing his friend being honored with the statues of the seven around the land made him happy, he hoped that it was a good enough thank you gift in return for everything that the bard whom he couldn't even remember the name of anymore did for him.

Upon gazing at the statue, he remembered telling you of his long gone friend. It was the first time he had talked about him to someone else, he didn't even mention it to Venessa, she who made him believe in himself again. He could ask himself why, but he simply knew that you had something different, more than meets the eye. Perhaps it was because you weren't from Teyvat, or perhaps it was just you being as simple as your natural self but he was simply and utterly captivated by your being. You inspired him to no end, at first he thought it was because he had never met someone like you and he loved new things! But as time grew and he got to know you, he understood quickly the meaning and depth of his passions. He thought of it with a light chuckle, content with your presence alone. He really did need and want you around.

So why did he purposely avoid you like the plague?

The wind had brought to his ears that you had met with Dainsleif.

And your twin.

His first reaction was to search for you, talk to you, he wanted to be here to know what happened! You had searched so long, he couldn't contain himself, still listening to what the wind told him, he started running with excitement but... But wait, Dainsleif was... He told you what?

Oh.

So you heard about Khaenri'ah. He had stopped dead in his tracks and turned back, only sending a warm current of wind your way, hugging you from afar.

He wasn't ready to talk about this yet, not ready to face you and absolutely not ready to answer your questions. He was a coward, he thought, running away like that but what else could he do, really. It was only natural for him to be as uncatchable as air.

A sorry excuse to avoid the fact that even if his past had marvelous story like the one of the nameless bard, it also had its share of darkness, something he wasn't ready to dive back into. Especially not now when your arrival has been shaking this world up like it hasn't been since at least 500 years.

But oh, how he longed to see your face or to hear your voice. So he asked a breeze to report to him what you were up to, and where you were. Just in case! he tells himself, what if you needed help ehe? But he knows you're competent and you won't need the help of a weakling coward like him anytime soon. Or so he thought.

Because when the breeze only gives him a few words back, his blood runs cold.

"Please, anybody... Just help me."

-

As you murmured these words in your desperate state, not really for anyone but yourself as a last resort, a prayer of some sort, you tried to stand by leaning yourself on your sword and failing miserably. You didn't dare look up as you heard the loud footsteps of the metal giants coming your way. It was over, and you barely managed to accept it.

As you rested your forehead against the cold handle of your sword, you closed your eyes, tears starting to make their ways out of your closed eyelids. All you could feel was remorse.

A soft breeze moved your hair slightly and your chest felt like a black hole had taken place where your heart used to be, regretting to not have been able to meet him under the tree at Windrise one last time.

The breeze quickly grew stronger, until it felt unnatural and you looked up from the ground, only to close your eyes again immediately when you realized the wind was too powerful for you to keep them open. If you had struggled to see though, you would have been blinded by the white light that soon illuminated the whole ruins. You didn't have enough time to register the situation when you felt a hand being laid atop your shoulder, snaking around your collarbones and pulling you back into... nothing? Another arm circled your weak form and a voice you immediately recognized said

"I've dealt with things worse than you, now crumble."

You realized that if you couldn't feel a chest behind you while still being embraced by his arms, it was because he was floating above you, and not standing behind you. A look in his direction confirmed your suspicions but what stunned you wasn't the fact that he was flying, but the attire he wore. Barely covering his body, a white set made of materials that seemed like clouds and liquid gold contrasted perfectly with his regular green clothes. His hair was glowing green and his eyes that were focused on the ruin guards up ahead had a marvelous shine that you had never seen before. He had that same aura he did the night he freed Stanley, but there was also something different about the way his hands gripped you a little too tightly or the way his voice sounded.

"Venti.." You muttered his name, relief and affection flooding you all at once, in his presence you felt as if nothing bad could happen to you. How foolish could you be, just a few hours ago you were speculating wether or not he had wiped out an entire civilisation and now here you were, being saved by him and feeling safer than you had in months.

"Close your eyes, I don't want give you a headache" he said, slowly floating legs first towards the ground. His unusually serious voice surprised you (and him) but you did as he told you. Letting go of your sword and leaning back into him, you let him deal with the monsters ahead of you.

"It's okay, it's over now" he kneeled to be at your level, his arms still wrapped around you, and you didn't have the energy to fight your urge of nuzzling into him. "I'll always be here for you, wherever there is wind, remember I'm here too. You only need to ask."

Being protected by a god really didn't feel that bad. Especially when you were in love with said god.

✧ ✧ ✧ ✧ ✧

Thank you so much for reading whatever this is until the end :’)

Don’t hesitate to comment or reblog, tysm <3

Ps: venti loves u and so do i do pls take care of urself mwah

#genshin impact x reader #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact #genshin impact angst #genshin impact scenario #venti x reader #venti x traveler #venti x lumine #venti x aether #el writes♡

[verytiredblob]

My reviews on Manhwas

Alright so, recently I've began to fall into the great Manhwa hell, as if I didn't have enough fandoms.

But I neither have friends to chat about this with, nor a Discord chat where I can fanby about it, so I just decided to throw it in here.

These are both Manhwas I recommend and my opinions on them. If there are any spoilers, They will be striked through and in blue for anyone that wishes to avoid them (if anyone even reads this lol).

1. The Villainess Reverses the Hourglass (악녀는 모래시계를 되돌린다)

Premise: Aria was a terrible person and was sentenced to dead by being beheaded. In her final moments, she discovers her step sister, Mielle, actually manipulated her during her entire life just so she could get Aria killed. She then is beheaded, and wakes up in the past, in her child body. So now, she must work to both survive and get her revenge on her sister.

Lovely story, and my first Manhwa. The art is simply stunning, and all the characters are very flashed out and developed. Aria (MC) is the pettiest person alive and I'm here for that.

Also, I noticed a trend where, even though the manhwa has "Villainess" in the title, the MC is usually a total angel. Well, not here. Aria is egotistical and a total Diva, she has her goals and one of them is her revenge and by all that is sacred she'll get it.

Mielle is a great villain, she has grown a lot in her own pettiness and tactics since she was a child, and I really like that. Also, watching her suffer for being a terrible person is delightful.

The Male Lead (Asher) is also really cool, I like how he's both witty and friendly, and how much he truly admires Aria and her achievements.

The side characters are also pretty good, and they get a lot of focus because of their interactions with the main cast.

Again, The art is S T U N N I N G. Look at this:

Literally all panels are drawn like this or better, I'm in love.

All in all, an awesome read, 10/10, I love this a lot.

2. The Monster Duchess And Contract Princess (괴물 공작가의 계약 공녀)

Premise: Leslie's life was terrible, and always centered on her big sister, Eli. After a failed attempt of her family to grant Eli her sister's skills and knowledge, Leslie searches for the feared "Monster Duchess" in an attempt to survive.

Another one with incredible art AND incredible characters. Leslie is an absolute angel, and seeing her grow as a person is awesome.

The gender envy I feel with the Duchess is unbearable, she's utterly perfect. And the entire family is so dotting and loving and sweet, my little grinch heart can't take it.

She's perfection, really.

The plot keeps getting more and more mysterious, and I'm here for it!

I love each of the main characters a lot, and even the villains are well done and fuel your hatred.

Also, Eli Sperado and her Dad can choke on those black flames for all eternity.

Another 10/10, although I must warn anyone that wishes to read this that the translations sometimes are very spotty and messy, so it can be a bit annoying.

3. I'll be the Matriarch in this Life (이번 생은 가주가 되겠습니)

Premise: Firentia was a girl that died in Korea in her past life, and was reborn into an influential family as the illegitimate daughter of the third son. Her life was pretty terrible, with in the end, her family ending up in poverty and disgrace because of her uncles and cousins, while she was exiled from the family. After another accident, she wakes up in her past, now with a goal: Become the Lombardi matriarch and stop the other family heirs from bringing it to ruin.

Awesome art and Awesome plot number 3! This is so good, genuinely. Firentia is such an awesome plotter, and her goals and actions are very well developed.

The Male Lead is my baby and I shall protect him, and the side characters? Utterly stunning.

The twins are the cutest fucking shit, seriously. Like, look at these two?? I'm dead. Although, all the children are very, veeery cute.

I like how Firentia subtly manipulates things around her to get what she wants. It's similar to Aria, but she's much more mature and knowledgeable, and has a much less petty goal.

Guess what? 10/10. Yeah, I know, I'm terrible at grading, sue me.

4. The Twins Siblings' New Life (쌍둥이 남매의 뉴라이프)

Premise: Arien and Arjen were a pair of twins that died in Korea, and were reborn again as twins and as the Emperor's illegitimate children. Now, with only each other to trust, they must do their best to survive.

My current obsession. I really like this one. The art is not on the same level of pure Awesome like the ones before, but it's pretty good nonetheless.

The plot is pretty nice, but I must warn you: DO NOT expect them to act like adults. Honestly, just forget they're meant to be reborn in this world. They're just normal children and that's it. They act like children, and they think like children. Honestly, I think the author just wanted to make this story about them as children and their producer went and said to make them reincarnates because that Isekai shit is popular nowadays (And to justify they having memories of their newborn days). Seriously, just ignore it, the experience reading will be much better.

Other than that, the story develops nicely. The characters are all very good and the plot is very mysterious. I am holding myself back to not spoil anything, aaaaa.

There is also only one another thing that disappoints me: Arien is very clearly the MC. The story is told by her eyes and we only know what Arjen thinks or feels when he says it 9 or by subtext). I really wish it was more balanced, because they're both different people and have different perspectives, and also I really like Arjen.

I have absolutely no idea where this plot is gonna go, and honestly? I like it. It's very rare when I don't know how things are gonna develop because of other stories, so it feels very fresh.

The brothers are freaking awesome. I was so scared they were going to hate the twins and be petty, because of other manhwas that are like that, but they're so loving and sweet?? All hail these idiots. Also, Daddy is the biggest dumbass of all, this poor clueless man.

An 8/10, because of the complaints above. Still a good read, and I really like it, even with it's defects.

4. I'm A Stepmother, But My Daughter Is Just Too Cute! (계모인데 딸이 너무 귀여워)

Premise: A seamstress dies of overwork in Korea, and wakes up in the body of Abigail, the vain Queen, and the evil stepmother to the princess Blanche. Yes, It's like she stepped into the world of Snow White, and she must now do her best to live and.. Dote on Blanche with toys and dresses as much as possible?

Again with the awesome art and nice plot. Why are there so many manga with awesome art?? I'm so envious.

May all hail this crispy, delicious art.

Abigail is a whole mood, and I enjoy how she is inserted into the life of someone who had already lived and had a reputation. Her actions baffle a lot of the characters, as do her motivations, and I'm here for it.

The King has also an amazing backstory that's very tragic and yikes. I enjoy it, really. Not something you see in men's backstories that much.

Also, I'm kinda saddened by the fact the MC and the king are bound to become an actual couple. They would be such good platonic friends stuck in a political marriage. I was robbed, y'all.

Abigail greatest ambition is to get to design a dress for Blanche and have her wear it, and you know what? Good for her! Sometimes, it's good to have an MC that is not plotting against world at large.

Also, her mirror? Verite is simply perfect, I love this guy. I non-jokingly ship him with Abigail more than her with the King.

Blanche is a sweetheart, she deserves to be in my "adopted children" wall.

For now it's more of a Slice of Life than anything? But I also don't know what happens in the novels, so I'm just going to wait.

For the current lack of a grater plot, this gets a 7/10. Still pretty good and entertaining, especially for when you just don't feel like trying to understand deep plots with lots of elements.

5. Beware of the Brothers! (그 오빠들을 조심해!)

Premise: Another one of those "I lived my life and then wake up in the past." Hari was adopted by this family after the death of their only daughter, and although her parents love her, her 3 older siblings very much don't. She lives a miserable life in their hands, and when it's the night before she is to get married and finally escape her brothers, she wakes up in the past, and has to deal with them all over again.

Another nice art one, and the background characters are very nice, as is the MC.

But for me, it has a big problem. And that problem is the main ship. It's Hari with her eldest brother, Eugene. Even though they are not related and yadda yadda yadda, they were raised as such, and thus it bothers me. Also, Eugene is as plain as white bread and just as generic when seen as the Male Lead.

I ship Hari with Johan, even though I know it's not gonna happen, Ugh, the pain..

For me, the main point in this is Hari's relationship with her other siblings and the other background characters. I'm here for that wholesome sibling interaction. Her relationship with Erich, specially, is awesome. I love these two so much

It also kinda lacks a plot? Other than the relationship development and their story as a family, but again, I have no idea how they will develop this.

Also, pet peeve? Why do they keep using Oppa instead of translating it properly as brother? I get honorifics and stuff, but it's so annoying.

I give it a 6/10. Good characters and good relationships outside of the bloody incest thing, and it's a good enough way to pass the time.

There are two more that I've read, buut it's like 4am and I'm sleepy as all hell, so I'll just add it in a reblog or attached post later, and I plan on doing this for other future manhwas as well.

Do you have any recommendations or comments or just wanna talk about any of these manhwas? Hit me up!

#The villainess reverses the hourglass #the monster duchess and contract princess #i'll be the matriarch in this life #I'm a stepmother but my daughter is just too cute! #Beware of the brothers! #manhwa #webtoon #manhwa recommendation #isekai

[buckyswheezes]

Cruel Summer (Pt. 1/2)

Premise: Steve was 7, Bucky was 6, and you were 4 when you became family. And it was in the summer of your last year in high school when things started to change.

Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes / What doesn't kill me makes me want you more

author's note: First of all, this did not go the way I planned it to. Second, I was wrong; this isn't one-shot but a two-shot fic. Finally, I hope you guys like it. Again, @lokisblackwidow's post made me do this. Sorry if it's different from what you expected it to be.

warning: this fic contains cursing, sexual shit, and incest. Read at your own risk

It's been 15 years since your family moved to New York to start anew. The concrete jungle, skyscrapers, and bustling broadway shows were a stark contrast to California's tropical and easy-going nature. You were too young, though, to notice such things because you were just three years old at the time and mostly spent your time confused because you haven't seen your mom in a long time.

It's only been dad and your brother Steve for weeks now, and both didn't know how to tie your hair the way you like or read those bedtime stories you loved so much. Years later, you finally realized why -she died. The next thing you knew, you have a new mom and a new brother. It's been that way since.

"How's the college application going?" Steve's gruff voice came from the ongoing Facetime.

"I haven't had my breakfast. Can I please have my breakfast first?" You replied, annoyed. You didn't want to be reminded of that first thing in the morning. You slumped down on the seat beside your mom, and she handed you a cup of freshly brewed coffee. "Thanks, mom," You muttered.

Your dad sat on the other side of the table, flipping through the day's paper, and beside him sat Bucky, stuffing his face with bacon, completely ignoring the chaos around him. The empty seat beside him was where Steve sat (when he's home, that is, which was rare nowadays), but the tablet with his huge face plastered in it was placed on the space on the table, so it felt as if you were all still having breakfast together.

"Ooh, someone's grumpy."

"I'm gonna beat your ass when you get home." You threatened.

"Well, joke's on you 'cause I'm not."

"You're not?" Mom frowned.

Steve shifted to look at her. "I took a summer course this year, Biostats. It'll help with my thesis."

"You sure you're not just fonduing with Maryland girls in the summer?"

"Shut up, Buck. You're the playboy in the family, not me."

"Alright, boys!" Your mom chastised then turned to Steve again. "Well, you take care, and if you need anything, just give us a call."

"Will do."

Steve attended Johns Hopkins University -unarguably one of the best universities in America when it comes to Medicine. He'd always wanted to be a doctor, and even though he never said it, you knew it was because of your biological mom. He could've gotten into Harvard, but like you, Steve itched to get out of New York for a change of environment. It was only Bucky who didn't want to go anywhere, and so he attended NYU.

You love New York, no doubt about that. You grew up exploring its Burroughs, and the Central Park had been a staple in your formative years, but lately, you just wanted to get away from all of it. Recently, something changed, and you convinced yourself that it was because it's your last year in high school and you will be going to college soon.

But you knew there was something else. Well, maybe it was also because you turned 18 early this year, you're legal now, and with your going to college on the other side of the coast, you were excited to have a bit of freedom. CalArts was your first choice, being into Performing Arts and all that. Now, your parents weren't painfully strict, but being the youngest and only girl in the family, they couldn't help but be a little protective.

When Steve went to Baltimore two years ago, you were quite relieved. You get it; you're his only sister, but the way he used to hover around and scare away boys grated your nerves. You were just thankful that by sophomore year, he was gone. He'd passed on the mantle to Bucky, but he didn't really care -well, not as much as Steve did.

"Dad, don't forget you're picking me up later after school. I can't be late for my rehearsal." You reminded. Across the table, your old man's jaw dropped.

"I'm sorry, honey, was that today?"

"Uhh yeah, you forgot already?"

"Sorry, it slipped my mind, honey. How about you pick her up, Buck?" He turned to your step-brother.

"What?!" You shrieked in unison.

"I can't. I have stuff to do." He whined. You roll your eyes at his lame excuse.

"No, it's fine. I'll just ask Peter to come with me."

"Who's he, your new boyfriend?" Bucky spat.

You glared at him across the table. "No, he's not. I don't even have a boyfriend; you and Steve made sure of that." You downed the last of your coffee before shooting daggers at him once more. "Don't pick me up. Go do your stuff."

"Bucky…" It was mom's turn to speak.

"Fine!" He grumbled.

————

"Bye, Peter. See you around!" You stood up from the bench where you and your friend sat as soon as you saw Bucky drove up the school's entrance.

You don't know what your step-brother's problem was, but lately, he'd been nothing but irritable and annoyed, especially with your presence. You didn't wait for him to call you, so you jogged as quickly as you could across the schoolyard, silently climbing on the passenger seat as soon you reached where he pulled over.

You cast a wary glance at him; he didn't speak to you since you got on. He didn't even acknowledge your presence. His jaw was set, and he was intent on ignoring you, it seems, for the duration of the ride.

You and Bucky weren't always like this. You two were close; you played a lot when you were kids, you built forts, you wrestled, you chased each other with whatever gooey stuff you put your little hands on. Over the years, he became distant. You'd started to feel distant when Bucky and Steve entered junior high -you just couldn't relate to the stuff they talk about anymore. You're still very close with Steve, but with Bucky, he just drifted further away, especially when you entered high school. Bucky was only two years ahead, so you always saw him around during your freshman year. He was very popular, it seems. Senior girls used to befriend you in hopes of getting close to your step-brother.

You couldn't take it any more of his animosity, so you fully faced him, shifting in your seat. "Have I done something wrong, Buck?"

He looked at you incredulously for a second before turning his attention back on the road.

Annoyed at his lack of response, you hit his shoulder with your fist.

"What the hell y/n! I'm driving. Do you want us to die?!" He growled.

You retreated back to your seat, feeling remorseful for a second. Only for a second, then you burst out crying. "I hate you! I wish you're not my brother!"

You heard him chuckle, but he obviously wasn't amused. "Yeah, wish you weren't my sister too."

———

Bucky was in his last year in high school when he noticed it. He was waiting outside the school library because you said you needed to borrow a book before the two of you go home.

When Steve went off to college, he promised he'd look after you. He noticed firsthand how guys from all grade levels flock to you, hoping they'd catch your attention. Now, Bucky knew what these guys really want, and that's to get in your pants. Over his dead body would he allow that to transpire. So you two always walked home together.

He craned his neck to peek through the giant doors, wondering what's taking you long when he saw you chatting with a guy. His brows furrowed while his lips formed a thin, grim line.

Your smile reached your ears, your eyes glistened in obvious delight, and your cheeks flushed. Your shy gaze was directed at the guy in front of you.

Bucky frowns even more, when the guy ruffled your hair, a gesture that only he has the right to do (he believes). He felt a vein in his head pop in irritation. He felt like punching someone.

"Hey, Buck, let's go!" You chimed, pulling him out of his murderous thoughts.

"Who were you talking to?"

"Oh, that's Stephen. A junior in the dance club." You almost giggled.

"Huh." He scoffed.

The next time he noticed it happen was when he stayed around to watch your cheer dance rehearsals. Your skimpy cheerleader outfit didn't leave much to the imagination; that's why he decided to hover around, ready to pounce on whoever looked at you the funny.

Bucky looked away for a second to glance at his phone when screams filled the schoolyard. The next thing he knew, you were in the air -free-falling. He ran as fast as his feet could take him to catch you, his heart pounding in his ears. Fortunately, someone was there to catch you before you hit the ground.

You fell on top of the guy -Stephen. He gritted his teeth, half-annoyed, half-grateful at the piece of shit. He saw how you stayed on top of him for a few seconds more; furiously blushing. The moment he reached you, Bucky yanked you up and from the guy's body.

"You okay?" He fussed, searching your body for any sign of injury.

"I'm fine, Buck. Stephen caught me." You bit your lip as you shyly looked back at the guy. "Umm, thanks again."

"Yeah, thanks, man," Bucky grumbled, pulling you away from the group.

The way your body rested on another guy just didn't sit well with him. Once again, he felt like punching someone, and that someone is Stephen. He hated the way the guy was always around you. Bucky was sure what his motive was, and he'll never let him get it.

"I want ice cream." You muttered later that afternoon on your way home.

Bucky scoffed at your request. "What are you, five?"

You stopped walking and faced him, a pout on your lips. "Steve always buys me ice cream."

"Well, I'm not Steve."

"Please, I fell off someone's shoulder and almost hit my head. What if I died?"

"What has that got to do with ice cream?"

"I hate you. You're the worst brother, ever."

Bucky chuckled at your antics; he knew you didn't mean it. You just say that to get what you want because when you were kids, Steve and he used to compete for the Best Brother Award. "Fine." He conceded with a smile. He grabbed your grabbed, and you both ran to the nearest ice cream parlor, ordering one big bowl of banana split sundae and stuffing your faces.

Bucky's whole body tensed when your moans filled your ears. He didn't mind it back then, you were young and innocent, but now, Bucky couldn't ignore the sound spilling from your mouth. Sweat dripped down his nape.

This isn't right.

Your moans seem to ring louder in his ears. The way you licked your spoon clean was not helping his situation either. Bucky thinks about the thin line between sanity and insanity when the chocolate syrup trickled from your lips down to your chin until it reached the supple skin of your neck.

"I need to go to the bathroom." He muttered and hastily jolted from his seat, scrambling away from you. Bucky has a growing problem inside his pants, and he needs to take care of it.

Stop this, Bucky, you need to stop this! His mind chastised while his hands unbuckled his belt. You shouldn't feel this… this way towards her. He's your step-sister. It's wrong.

As soon as he reached his release, he made up his mind. He'll stay away from you; kinda impossible since you both live in the same house, but he'll try his best for both your sakes.

Bucky stopped waiting for you after school. He stopped watching your rehearsals. He stopped helping you with your Math home works and, much to your mom's surprise, he started watching evening dramas with her in the living room every night.

So to answer your question, the one you shot at him when he picked you up from school that day. Yes, you did something wrong.

You grew up. And it's been hard for him to see you as his step-sister ever since.

——————

The last day of school finally rolled in, and you intended to enjoy summer before you start college. What you didn't see coming, though, was being left alone with Bucky for one whole week because your parents are going on a cruise.

"Can't I come with you?" You pleaded, eyes wide as you hauled your mom's baggage into the back of the taxi.

"Sorry, honey. Promise, we'll be back as soon as we can." She replied before giving you a hug.

"Don't leave me here. Bucky's gonna bully me all week."

"He won't, right Bucky?" She raised a brow at him, who stood with his arms crossed, looking annoyed.

"Try not to destroy the house while we're away." Was their final reminder before they went on their way.

Bucky was the first one to get back inside the house. Dread ate up your insides; you two haven't spoken since the car ride. You decided once and for all to get things straight with him. So you marched inside about five minutes later.

Bucky heard you barge in his room, but he remained still -eyes closed and pretending to be asleep. He jolted up when you unceremoniously hit his stomach with a pillow.

"What the hell, y/n?!" He snarled, clearly pissed at your assault.

Your nose flared at his attitude. "What is your problem, James Barnes?" You growled in return.

"Am I the one with a problem here?"

"Oh, come on! You know what I mean!"

Bucky pushed past you; you trailed behind, following his figure towards the living room. He needed to get away from you, fast. It irked him that you wouldn't stay the fuck out of his way. You'd even come and gone into his room. Bucky couldn't take it; he'd go crazy.

"Why are you avoiding me? Bucky!… Bucky! Answer me, damn it!"

"I don't know what you're talking about, y/n. So, leave me alone." He was about to reach the door when you threw yourself in front of it, barring his way out. "Move."

"NO! You're not going anywhere until you tell me what's wrong." You crossed your arms, planting your feet firmly on the floor. You weren't gonna let this day end without knowing why Bucky acts the way he does. If it was something that you did, then you'd wholeheartedly make it right, but you'll never know if he keeps on brushing you off. So, here you are.

"Y/n, move." Bucky hissed menacingly."

"No, Bucky." You replied in the same manner.

After your brief glaring contest, Bucky finally looked away, sighing in defeat. "Fine. Something's not right, okay? But it's not you, it's… it's… me, so let me handle this myself."

You relaxed and took a step closer to him. "Can't you tell me? I might be able to help."

Bucky looked away. How could he possibly tell you that he's harboring un-brotherly feelings towards you -his step-sister. How could he possibly tell you that you turn him on, that he's having inappropriate thoughts about you for a year now? How could he possibly tell you that he might be falling in love with you?

All those times you spent together when Steve was gone. The times you intently and genuinely listened to his adolescent problems. The times you cheered for him when he played football in high school. You were his number one fan. You were so different from the others, and he hated how it made him look at you differently. He hated when you boys started coming into your life. He always believed that you had a special place in your heart for him, but now he feared that anyone might snatch that place from him. You were his best girl.

Bucky grimaced at his realization. He finally admitted to himself that he is, indeed, falling in love with you. He felt angry at himself. How could he let this happen? He thought he was in control of his emotions.

"Eventually, I'll tell you. But not now." He said softly, hoping you'd let him go.

But you were persistent. "No, Bucky. I want you to tell me now." You demanded.

"Y/n," He growled loudly this time. "Move out of my way!"

"I won't until you tell me."

"Move!"

"Just tell me!"

Bucky's resolve broke. The sirens in his mind went off, but he ignored them as he strode towards you intently. He smirked when your bravado faltered before vanishing completely when he pushed you against the door; your bodies pressed together, making sure you could feel the tent growing against his pants.

Your eyes widened in shock. "Wha-"

"You wanna know why? Huh," He asked through gritted teeth, his face hovered dangerously close to yours that you could feel the hot breath coming through his nose. Bucky didn't give you time to answer because he roughly crashed his lips towards yours. He wasted no time shoving his tongue inside your mouth.

Bucky could feel your hands against his chest, pushing him away. He could hear the muffled pleas of protest as he relentlessly assaulted your mouth. His lips left yours only to find themselves on your neck, sucking on your skin.

"Bu.. Bucky.. stop.. s-s-top." Tears cascaded down your cheeks, but you were frozen in spot, unable to wipe them away.

But Bucky ignored your appeal. He continued sucking your skin while his hands traveled your side, feeling you up. When he couldn't get enough of you, he bit the skin on your shoulder.

You yelped in pain. "Stop! Stop, get off me!"

Still, Bucky did not listen. Dissatisfied with his actions, he dragged and threw you towards the couch; he straddled over you, your hands pinned on the cushion. You squirmed beneath him, trying to escape his hold.

Bucky pulled your shirt up and found his lips back on your skin again; this time, he latched on your erect nipple and sucked as if his life depended on it. When he was done abusing both your buds, he moved to kiss your lips again, but your tear-stricken face met his eyes.

Bucky went stiff as a board, and you used that opportunity to push him, backing off as far as you can from him. Your loud sobs filled the house as you sank to a pool at your feet, hugging your knees to yourself.

You couldn't believe what your step-brother had done. Your mind couldn't begin to fathom his actions.

Bucky sat motionless, his horror-struck at his deed. He bit back the long line of profanities that ran inside his head as he stared dumbfounded at your crumpled figure.

A painful pang of guilt washed over him like a tidal wave. What had he done?

"Y/n.. I-I'm… I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He said and scrambled out of the house.

Bucky didn't come home for three days while you spent it in a daze.

Bucky kissed you; he put his tongue inside your mouth. He touched you in your private parts. He sucked on your nipple while you lay beneath him. He held you like a lover would.

But he was your brother; why would he do that?

The sound of the front door opening pulled you out from your thoughts. Your gaze met Bucky's; he had dark circles around his eyes, and you wondered briefly whose house he crashed when he didn't come home.

"Bucky…" You stood from the couch and approached him.

Bucky liked that about you. You were brave and face things head-on; you're not one to back down, just cause you were scared. But he doesn't think he could handle you right now, not after what he's done. He walked past you, intent on ignoring you.

"After what you did, I at least deserve to know the truth, don't you think?"

Your words hit home. You were right; you deserved at least that much. Sighing, he turned back and sat down on the couch.

"I know this is downright wrong, but I'm in love with you, y/n," Bucky confessed softly, and he heard your small gasp.

"But, we're… I'm your sister."

"step-sister," He corrected. "I can't help it. I love you more than a step-brother could love his step-sister. I love you as a woman y/n. I tried to stop it, but it was hard."

You deserved to know the truth no matter how disgusting, condemning, or how sinful it was.

"I am still trying." Bucky continued, and this time, he gave you a firm look. "And I need, need you to help me."

Your heart skipped a beat. "What do you want me to do, Buck?"

"Stay away from me."

You pulled back in shock. "But-"

"No buts!" He hissed. "Can't you see how hard this is for me? You think it's easy to stay away from you when I love you?" He pleaded. "After this, I want you to stay away, don't talk to me unless it's a life or death situation."

"Mom and dad will notice."

"Then don't make them notice." He got up and approached you, then reached for your hand, clasping them together. "Please, y/n, you have to."

With a heavy heart, you nodded. Bucky moved and gave you a quick peck on the forehead, and it felt like goodbye.

Weeks quickly flew by, fortunately for the both of you, your parents didn't notice a thing. You bickered like you used to during breakfast, but both of you knew that it was forced. When they weren't around, which was much since both of them worked, you barely talked to each other and were barely left alone in the house.

Bucky spent most of his time playing basketball -his new hobby to get his mind off you. He's always gone during weekends playing with his college friend Sam Wilson. You saw the guy once when Bucky invited him to dinner with your family. After that, Sam can frequently be seen in the house. Your parents were cool with it since Steve didn't come home for summer.

One afternoon, Sam was there again; you could hear their banter all the way up to your room. However, what really bothered you though was the presence of a woman -Sharon. She's Bucky and Sam's classmate in one of their class, and along with Sam, she started hanging out at your house.

You groaned, annoyed. You couldn't focus on the application essay you were supposed to write with that woman's shrill voice downstairs. You slammed your fist against your study table, intent on giving the three a piece of your mind. You stood up and marched downstairs, catching their attention.

Sharon sat between Sam and Bucky, and they were pretty occupied with a mobile game before you came.

"Can you guys keep it down? You're not the only people in the house."

"Oops, sorry, y/n." Sharon squeaked.

"We'll keep it down," Sam promised.

You just nodded before glaring at Bucky, who did not even acknowledge your presence. You grumbled something before storming back to your room, slamming the door close.

Sharon and Sam ended up having dinner with them again. With Sharon seated beside Bucky, again. Your mom told them to drop by again. And, Bucky walked Sharon home, again.

And you were getting tired of this. You wanted to help Bucky, but you can't just sit back and watch him replace you with someone else. No, you can't allow it. This has to stop.

You waited for Bucky to come home; you were in his room sitting on his bed with a determined look on your face.

As soon as Bucky stepped inside, he was shoved against the door, making it slam close. He winced at the pain on his back, but he was startled and shocked when he felt your lips connect with his in a searing kiss. His first instinct was to push you away, but his desire got the better of him. His eyes slipped close, and he kissed you back passionately.

Bucky's thoughts were in a haze as both your lips danced with each other. It didn't take long for him to invade the warmth of your mouth, fingers tangling themselves into your hair, while your hands curled around the front of his shirt, trapped between your heated bodies.

"Why," He moaned before pulling away.

Your ragged breaths filled the room; you looked at him with glistening eyes. "I don't care anymore, Bucky. I don't want to lose you. I don't want to be replaced by Sam or Sharon or anyone else." A tear escaped your eye, and it cascaded down your cheek.

Bucky leaned down and kissed it away, the salty taste lingering in his tongue.

"I want you back, Bucky."

Bucky felt a painful tug on his heart at the sight. He loves you, but he was also the one making you cry. He cannot bear the thought of hurting you. He caressed your cheek and gazed at you lovingly, longingly.

"You're making this hard for me, y/n. For the both of us."

You shook your head once more and pulled his face close to yours. "I don't care anymore, James Barnes. Love me any way you want, just don't… don't leave me again."

Bucky froze at your words. He pulled away then grasped both your shoulders. "Y/n, you don't know what you're saying."

"I do. I'm not a child anymore. I want how we used to be; if accepting your love could get things back to the way it was, I accept it.

Bucky shook his head. "No,…no y/n, nothing will ever be the same if you let me love you the way I want to."

Your face visibly fell at his words. Feeling hopeless, you asked. "Why?"

"Why?" Bucky asked back softly. "Because unlike then, I'll kiss you more like this…" He started and gave you a sensual kiss on the lips. "I'll hold your hand like this…" His hand went to yours, and he intertwined your fingers.

"We used to do that when we were kids."

Bucky just hummed in response. "And I'll pull you close to me like this…" He continued and did just as he said. He pulled you against his heated body and inhaled your scent. "And you'll always ignite that burning feeling inside me, y/n. So, unless you get used to these things, I will not let you do this."

"But we used to do some of those."

"It's going to be a lot different now."

"I don't care. I'm used to it. In fact, I miss it. Don't ever leave me again, Bucky, please. I love you so much."

Bucky's eyes widened in surprise. He could feel the rapid beating of your heart against his. He pulled you in once more for a passionate kiss.

"I love you too, y/n. You don't know how much you make me happy."

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky fanfic #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky #james buchanan barnes #au bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfic

[zellerysworld]

Puppies and Thorns (1/2)

Erwin x F!Reader

Artwork not by me. Part 2 is below.

Word count: 4.5k

Posted onto my Wattpad @/BlceaWrites

____________________________________________

The light clanking sound of your tan boots hitting the rocky pathway that made up the merchant-filled streets of Krolva district were all too faint. People chattered away as they bargained for furniture, food, and miscellaneous items. While you, the esteemed daughter of Premier Zackary, were out and about the district looking for some art to own and gifts to buy for the cadets. Usually people would shop for artwork and expensive items in the inner districts such as Orvud, but you tended to see the beauty in the items that the less fortunate could give you.

As the people would stare at you, that didn't stop you on your quest to find some nice decorative pieces for your room as it was beginning to feel a bit empty in there. But your quest was cut short with all of your thoughts leaving your mind as you heard the tiny bark of a fuzzy creature come from the side of you. Taking a quick turn on your heels, strains of your hair swung behind you as a squeal was emitted from your soft and sun-kissed lips, "Puppies!"

"Well if it ain't the Premier's daughter herself! How you doin' Y/n? Haven' seen you in Krolva ina while," a grey-haired woman said to you with a wave while putting down the box of fuzzy friends on her merchant stand.

"Mrs. Daveed, it's a pleasure to see you again," you greeted her formally, taking your straw hat off for it to hang over your neck by a loose string, "I've been a bit busy these days, I apologize for not coming to see you sooner."

The woman let out a laugh, "Honey please, no need to be formal. I know all about the lil' plans you got going on in the capitol. Building a royal garden huh?"

You let out a stiff smile while scratching the back of your head, "Heh- yeah I guess word got out, huh? I never knew how hard it would be to architect a garden in the royal city. But if I do a good enough job there, I might go on to open one in each wall. I think it would be a nice scenery, especially a place for the wounded soldiers of the Survey Corps to rest and take in beauty that's not outside of the walls."

Mrs. Daveed sighed, putting her hands against the worn out wood of the stall she owned, "Still a patron of them idiots?"

"Don't forget that this patron is one of yours as well." You lifted a brow to her. She smirked back at you, "Well that's true, ain't it? If you are a so called patron of me, why don't you do some buyin?" She gave a quick wink to you.

Your eyes fell upon the box of puppies, "How about these precious creatures?"

"Ah, those are German Shepherd pups. A very rare breed nowadays. I won't sell 'em unless I know the person because I want them in good hands. Lucky for me, I know your ass all too well."

You let out a small giggle, using a gloved hand to cover your lips from laughing too loudly in the public scene, "I do suppose we know each other somewhat well considering how often I used to visit you and the conversations we would have about all the men you have slep-."

Mrs.Daveed coughed loudly, cutting off your sentence, "Mhm, especially about that brute blonde man you favoured." She let out a wide, sarcastic smile, "So how about 50 pieces each?"

A small pink tint arose over your cheeks, knowing exactly who she is referencing to. You hesitated in your words as thoughts of the man came to your mind, "It-It's a deal."

With these adorable pure-bred puppies now bought and in your care, you thought it best to pop by the base you knew the 104th was stationed at within Wall Rose right away. After walking to the entrance gates of Wall rose, a carriage was waiting for you with a stiff looking man holding the reins of the horses. "I'm back, Layett. Could you take me to the Central Woods training base for the Survey Corps?" The man abruptly turned to hearing your soft voice, being started before nodding to you, "Yes, Lady Zachary."

Once you boarded the carriage, you placed the box of yawning and ever-so-lazy puppies next to you. A soft smile grazed your expression, being at ease with the friendliness of your new found fur babies keeping you company on your ride to see the cadets you treasured more than anything in this world. You were a bit older than them, but not to the point you were as old as their commander, of course. Either way though, you always enjoyed spending time with the 104th recruits because of how they reminded you of your younger days. Back when Keith Shades was your babysitter when he was just a captain and you would be entertained by his squad with how they played with you and taught you how to read and fight.

Soon enough, you'd find the carriage coming to a halt. The man you called Layett had opened the door to greet you, holding a hand out for you to take as assistance in steeping down. Instead, you did an unladylike gesture of handing him the box of puppies, and then stepping out by yourself. You took the box out of his hands to see a surprised expression painted on his face, "Layett, would you be so kind as to fetch me at sundown? I intend to spend the rest of my day here."

He nodded to you, then quickly got back into his seat and took off as he whipped at the horses with his reins. Your heels clicked against the stone, making it easy for you to be heard by nearby soldiers. Some new recruits had a confused expression, while others who had seen you come by before were happy to have your company.

Loud familiar yells could be heard coming from behind you, giving you the ability to prepare for the incoming impact of two certain cadets who always looked forward to your visits. "LADY Y/NNNNN!!!" Connie and Sasha jumped on you from behind, shoving you forward from the sudden weight gain at your back. You threw your shoulders back, forcing them off of you as you let out a loud laugh, "You guys will never be able to take me down even if it's from behind!"

You sat down on a wooden crate, the two cadets standing next to you. "What did you bring us today Y/n? Meat? Potatos? Fruits?" Sasha asked with a watery mouth, making you slightly giggle.

"It looks like some sort of dog!" Conny said as he sat down beside you and looked into the box.

"Actually," you stated, "I was in town today looking for some things when I came across these angels. They are German Shepherds, a very rare breed. I thought you kids would be nice owners of them, that is if you'd like to take one? There's 7 of them."

Conny picked one up, "Sasha, let's take this one and train him how to do cool tricks!" Sasha nodded furiously, "Yes! We can train him to hunt so we can share meat!"

Soon, the rest of the cadets would surround you to see the furry animals. Reiner and Berthodt decided to not partake in owning one, while Mikasa indulged. Putting her hands in the box and lifting out the fattest one of them all, she held it up and over her head like the scene straight out of the movie Lion King. She mumbled to herself, "So... Chubby..." Everyone went silent seeing her hold the puppy, wanting to see what it would do.

After a few seconds, the puppy parted it's small mouth to let out a loud yawn. All of the soldiers went crazy, shouting out how cute it was and how kind it was of you to offer the creatures to them. However, all of their shouting resulted in the attention caught by Captain Levi.

"What the hell is all this noise about? Get back to training, runts." He pushed through the soldiers as they listened to his orders and fell back to their stations. When Levi noticed it was you, his eyebrow lifted, "Oh? I assume you brought gifts for the brats again, Y/n?" You stood from your seat, clicking your tongue, "Honestly Levi, it wouldn't kill you to have fun for once."

He ignored your sentiment, approaching the box and noticing three remaining puppies in it, sleeping on top of each other. "Dogs..., really? Tell me when you find a quiet cat."

"Whatever, your royal bitchiness." You did a fake bow, making Levi scoff.

Eren and Armin watched as you rudely talked to the captain, being amazed at your confidence. Eren balled up his fist and said to Armin, "If she can do it, so can I!" Armin's face went straight to panic, not having the time to stop him from the words that were about to fall from his lips. Eren shouted out, "Hey you Emo fu-"

His words were cut off very quickly, his jaw meeting the bitterness of Nanaba's broom. His head hit the ground, leaving Armin to sigh as Jean fell to his knees from laughter of the enjoyment he got from watching that. Levi, on the other hand, wasn't amused nor batted an eye. Nanaba shrugged, "I'd suggest not to act like a royal idiot in front of the Premier's daughter, especially since she's one of our largest patrons." All that could be heard from Eren's now stiff body was a lifeless groaning sound, followed by a meek, "Yes ma'am."

Nanaba looked your way, her face brightening to see you standing before her. She ran to you, giving you a warm embrace like never before, "Oh Y/n, it's so good to see you again... I haven't see you in a month now and it felt like forever." She released from you, but keeping the eye contact as you asked her a question. "I'm sorry Nan, I've been really busy. I know you and Mike's anniversary is coming up. Will the two of you be joining me at the opening of my garden in the capitol? I can reserve something special for the two of you," You held her hands in yours while talking of this.

"Nothing would make me more happy, Y/n. So what have you brought the kids today?" Nanaba looked over, seeing the pups sound asleep. You gently picked one up, holding it against your chest, "I bought them today and wanted to see if any of the cadets would give them a nice home. I know you and Mike already have plenty of fur babies, but would you want to have another addition to the family?"

You slowly gave the awakening puppy to Nanaba, her eyes going soft at the sight, "I think Mike would love this as an early anniversary gift. Thank you, Y/n." She kissed at your cheek, then dashed off towards the left building where you presumed Mike must be. The encounter left you with a blissful happiness, making your day all the better.

Although you felt happy enough and didn't think the day could get any better, it dawned on you that you were yet to see Erwin. Everyone around you was happy and had something to fill their hands with, while you were waiting to see the person who you'd always anticipate to see the most-

"Commander Erwin!" Moblit called out, making you quickly turn to face what was behind you. Sunlight bounced off your hair and skin, creating natural highlights to your dewy cheeks as your wavy hair swung from your soft eyes. The reflection of the sun caused a sparkle in the pupil of them, making your eyes look as if gold was within them. Erwin's eyes quickly fell upon yours, a knot forming in his stomach while butterflies developed in yours.

He approached you, falling to a knee and taking your hand to gently place a kiss on the back of it. His deep blue eyes looked up at your e/c crystalized eyes, your souls meeting with each other as his voice lowly vibrated off the skin of your hand, "My lady." The vibrations, the touch, the looks, everything about him and what he did was intoxicating. You couldn't tell if he treated you the way he did because he had an interest in you, or if it was because of the fact you were at the top of the patrons for the Survey Corps.

Yet, the way he did these things felt so real and so uncontrollable that a part of you felt like this was him being natural, him being uncontrolled around you because of who you were and the way you could make him feel. Maybe that's just an idea in your head though.

He rose, turning back to the corridor he came from and holding an arm out for you to place yours on top of. Taking the box of the remaining two puppies into your left arm, you then gently placed your right arm onto his. The two of you walked into the corridor of the central building, him smiling the entire time as he made small talk with you to keep you entertained.

Armin watched the way Erwin tried to keep you attached to him and only him, making his mind begin to do it's thing. Before he could begin to form an idea though, Hanji gripped onto his shoulders tightly, "I think he's in deep shit for her. What about you?" Armin swallowed his fear to talk, stuttering with his words, "W-well I don't re-really know. Y/n has been around as long as we have been soldiers, and from what I h-hear she's always been around. Erwin might just be using her."

Hanji squinted her eyes while humming to herself, Mikasa intruding on them with her monotone voice, "Just look at them. He looked like his lungs were about to collapse when he saw her. I think it's fear of her. She must be strong like Captain Levi."

Levi overheard the conversation, therefore allowing himself to contribute to it, "Yeah, It does look like fear. But I don't think he's necessarily scared of her. Maybe scared of what she can do- no- It's more like a relief of fear. Like a parent when they see their child after accidentally losing them in a market street." Hanji noted, "That is believable, considering we haven't seen her in a month when she used to visit us almost three times a week."

While they all gossiped of the mysterious relationship between you and the commander, you and him were entering into his quarters. He reached in front of you, grabbing the knob and motioning for you to be welcomed in. Taking the gesture, you walked into the rather bland room before placing the box down by his window.

"You certainly look tired, Lady Zachary." Erwin finished his sentence with a hint of sarcasm, placing two cups down on the small dining table that rested by the wall. You walked towards the table, snickering at his comment to you, "Oh? Is my 100 coin eye cream not working like I hoped for?"

"I suppose not. You could always use my method of getting rid of bags; sleep."

"Yes of course, like you of all people would know what sleep is.."

"If you think I can be bad about it, you should ask Levi what his schedule is."

You let out a small giggle at the sarcasm that was shared between the two of you. As you took a seat, Erwin poured some coffee in the cups he placed down. Before you had the chance to ask for sugar, he was already putting one spoon in, just as you preferred it. The attention to detail on such a simple thing such as your coffee made you smile.

Erwin took a seat, smirking as he lifted the cup to his mouth, "Your servants could never."

"Oh for fucks sake," you threw your head back at his comment, "How many times do I have to tell you that we only have a chauffeur and that's for our safety."

"I know, I just enjoy teasing you. I understand how you don't appreciate how people overlook you for the wealth that your father has."

You gently set the cup down, but keeping your hands around it to take in the comforting warmth it emitted, "Well, you know how the royals and the rich are. Always wanting things to how they prefer." A brow lifted from your expression, showing Erwin you were annoyed, yet you haven't had the time to express why you were.

"Oh? In what way are they wanting things?"

Smacking your lips with a loud sigh, "They think they know art, when in fact these insolent pigs have no real taste. I'm constantly having to make rearrangements to the point I feel like this isn't even my project anymore. They want roses here, lilacs there, this type of fence, this type of gate, this type of wood for the benches... It's tiring."

Erwin took another sip from his preferably black coffee, "Well, I can say for a fact that if you happen to say no to any of their requests, they wouldn't take it too personally."

"Oh? How do you know this?"

“Well your Fathers artwork dungeon could use some p-“

His words were cut off by you having widened eyes and spitting out your coffee followed by a small snorting sound with some laughter. Erwin let out a small laugh under his breath, handing you a napkin. You set down the nearly finished cup while cleaning off your lips, "I refuse to call that artwork."

"Either way, I'm sure they know it exists seeing as your father hates those nobles so much. Therefore they wouldn't oppose to your choices."

The puppies yawned, causing your attention to drift towards them. You moved off the ridged wooden chair to sit on your knees next to the box and poke your finger at their chubby stomachs, "Erwin, as smart as your idea is, I would prefer for them to just see me as me."

"Well, Y/n," He started as he sat across from you to look at the sight of the young dogs, "sometimes when you play chess, you must sacrifice a pawn to take the king."

Your eyes looked to his, locking gazes with him before giving him a weak smile, "Of course you would say that. I'd rather not give up my pride to win their silence. You have a very military like mind, Erwin Smith."

"And you have a very humane mind, Y/n Zachary."

The words left his lips, making you realize something you never really thought about before. Perhaps the reason Erwin enjoyed your company so much was because you were one of the few people he is befriended with that wasn't in the military. Thinking about it, you preferred the company of soldiers such as Erwin because it was refreshing to get away from the company of political figures long with the rich and royal. You were worried about more simple and everyday things, while he had the fate of humanity on his shoulders.

Here you were, worried about finding someone to take the second to last puppy, while Erwin has probably been stressing about the amount of people he will be sending to their deaths in this next expedition. It was like you were a distraction for him to see the simple things in life, and he was a distraction for you to see the more important things in life.

Your train of thought was cut off in an instant as he rose a question to you, "Say, Y/n, what exactly are you doing with these German Shepherds?"

"Well I bought them off of a friend in Krolva district. There was originally 7, but as you can see there is only two left because I brought them here as a gifts to the cadets who would take them in and give them a better home."

Erwin looked at the fluffy one, picking him up as gently as possible and feeling his fur, "I'd like to take this one off your hands, if you don't mind. It's soft, just like your heart."

"Th-Wha...Erwin you cheesy bastard."

A curve to his lips formed at your comment. He knew he was cheesy, considering he never entered a real relationship before so therefore he didn't have any experience. You pat at his soft fur, "But you would be wrong to think my heart is soft."

"I don't doubt the rose that is your heart contains some thorns on it."

"Why would you even care for a rose with as many thorns that I have?" You leaned towards him.

He set down the puppy, inching his head towards yours, "Maybe it's the fact I'm a devil, with the mind of being drawn towards beautiful things no matter the danger."

Your curious and daring expression dropped into sadness. You crawled over to his side, cupping his jawline into the palms of your soft hands, "Never call yourself a devil."

Although you weren't oblivious to the fact that people would call Erwin a devil for how he wouldn't hesitate to throw away peoples lives, it's still not how you viewed it. You saw what he was doing as a job only special people could do, a job that only people equipped with the ability to carry the burdens he carries can do. He wasn't some devil to you, he was someone special. While to Erwin, you weren't some rose with thorns, you are just a scared yet brave woman in a terrifying world.

Your eyes stayed locked with his, Erwin looking surprised at how hard you felt for him and the way he views himself. He moved his lips closer to yours, wanting to connect not just lips but souls as well. "Y/n...," He mumbled under his breath while his forehead collided with yours. Instead of his mouth, you pushed your lips to leave a small kiss at his cheek. The last thing you wanted to do was cause Erwin more pain by kissing him when you and him knew that any sort of love wouldn't work out. It was better to keep these things suppressed.

He grabbed your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours, "When I reach the basement and prove my father right, I promise I will come back to you so that these puppies can be raised by the both of us, so that I can enjoy the garden you are building but with your hand in mine."

His words broke your heart into a million pieces, your heart growing weary of not having him. It was already draining enough to have to stay away from the corps for a month to work on your gardens, but now it was taking a major toll on you. More than ever you were invested into the Survey Corps, just for the sake of Erwin completing his goal while you completed yours so that afterwards the two of you could be happy together.

Tears began to fall from your tired eyes. You couldn't tell if it was of happiness or sadness. Maybe it was tears of hope.

Levi, Hanji, Mike, and Nanaba sat together outside in-between the buildings. "Do you think Erwin is going to retire and marry Y/n after this is all over?" Nanaba asked curiously.

Hanji shrugged her shoulders while kicking her feet with an evil smile across her face, "Whatever happens, I will never stop indulging into the science of Titans~..."

"Well," Mike began while rubbing his nose against his new best friend that you gifted to Nanaba, "I know that me and Nanaba will be running a sanctuary for dogs."

"It's called a Veterinary Clinic, Mike. And I think you have to go to a certain school for that." Nanaba said while leaning against her partners arm.

Levi sighed. "Since when did you guys have school?"

The other three turned their heads to him, looking dumbfounded.

You appeared from the darkness of the corridors into the fading of the sunlight. Nanaba ran up to you and gave you one last hug, "When will you visit us again, Y/n?"

"If all goes accordingly, I'll be here next weekend." You lowered your voice to whisper in her ear, "If you can request that Sunday off, me and you could go to the shopping districts in Orvud. We can leave Mike to deal with the 'children'." Nanaba turned around, seeing her partner being licked to death by their new family member, "Let's do it."

Taking steps forward to the gate, you bid Levi farewell with the casual middle finger, while you waved to Hanji and Mike. In response, Levi gave a fake smile as he flipped you off as well, while the others waved back. Before stepping into the carriage that just arrived for you, you turned your neck to see Erwin watching you leave through his window with a small smile and a puppy in his left hand.

You stepped in, closing the door as you sat down. To keep the new fur baby warm, you kept your arms wrapped around her while she slept on the carriage ride back to Wall Sina. All that you could think about the entire ride to Wall Sina was the promise Erwin has made to you and the secret that you both keep from everyone including yourselves to one day be released.

#attack on Titan #AOT #snk #shingeki no kyojin #Erwin smith #Levi #hanji #hange #Mike #nanaba #reader #Erwin smith x reader #Erwin x reader #attack on titan season 3 #anime #fan fictions #fanfic #commander Erwin #mikenana #oneshot #puppies #104th cadets #eren yeager #mikasa #levi aot #Levi Ackerman #so many tags but it’s my first post of literature on here so I want it to get attention

[ghostofbrock]

venomous words

on a rainy afternoon in new jersey, the kids didn't have an option to go outside or not since they knew how strict their mother was on days like this and how their father would react if he saw mud tracked into the house. they'd be toast with the chancla.

so ellie played with her barbie dolls on the carpet in the living room floor with a small smile on her face, giovanni sat on the couch and watched over his baby sister while trying to look for something to watch in netflix, specifically a movie. luke and auggie were upstairs in their room playing whatever the newer generation was into. the two boys were in sweats that had crumbs on them since the boys were munching on potato chips as they played their game. their mother had just arrived from long and stressful day at work, she sat in her car for a minute or two to collect herself before entering her home where her babies and husband would be waiting for arrival. well maybe just her babies... once again.

she covered herself with her purple umbrella since it was pouring rain as she got out her car, closed the door and locked it before walking to her front porch that wrapped around the house. she closed her umbrella as soon as she was covered by the porch's roof. she grabbed her house key out of her pocket and opened her door.

"mom's home!"

she hasn't stepped foot into her home and she was already called out by her kids. luke and auggie jumped out their beds and ran downstairs as soon as they heard their older brother yell. ellie dropped her doll and skipped over to her mommy as gio stood up from the couch and walked over to her.

as sara closed the door behind her and turned around, she was attacked by hugs all over her body. from her thighs to her shoulders, her children had her trapped in a loving hug.

after she kissed them each and asked about how their day went, they went back to what they were doing before she came home. later they were expecting a home cooked meal that she always provided for them since mattia rarely cooked for them nowadays and sara didn't like having her kids eating fast food all the time either for their health. at times it was acceptable but if they didn't need to eat it then they wouldn't.

sara was now sitting at the island that was in the kitchen, she opened the bottled water she grabbed from the fridge and took a sip.

"how was work?" her oldest son's voice came from behind her. he walked from behind her to next to her and leaned against the marble island. "stressful. overwhelming. busy. i don't know how i'm gonna do it..." she rubs her temples with a groan. "don't over work yourself, ma. you got this, you always do." gio rubs his moms shoulder softly and flashed her a smile. a smile that made her feel better and made her smile.

"i know it's just that i wanna do as much as i can for this project. i've worked my ass off for years for this to finally happen and i'm so close. only a few more months of ridiculous amount of stress then i'll have my own clothing line." a weak smile formed on her lips, gio's heart swells at the sight. he knows how much his mom has been wanting this but he also knows how much she can overwork herself.

"isn't dad helping you with any of it? he said he would, right?" gio asked with his mother with hope as she took another sip of her water. "uh yeah. he is but there's certain things he can't help with." she gave her son a tight smile laced with lies.

truth is mattia hadn't even talked to sara about her huge project that she has been working on for over a year now. he thinks his wife can do it herself because of how strong she is but little did he know how weak she was getting from handling everything by herself. she was never the one to ask for help but this time she did ask for help from her husband but his answer?

"you're being dramatic"

so she never asked again and instead asked her close friends who were of course open to help with anything she needed. she knew that the kids had brought up the project while they talked to mattia recently either at dinner or something similar. and being the good father mattia is he had to lie because he knew if his kids found out their parents weren't helping each other out then they'd question why and jump to conclusions which leads to arguments and picking "sides".

"oh yeah. i've been helping her with scheduling everything and keeping the tabloids updated. she's not as stress thanks to me."

sara would just simply nod and give a small nod to the kids and glare at mattia who just rolled his eyes at her.

"like what?" gio asked. "it's personal business stuff, g. don't worry about it, okay? i'll be fine. but did your dad take you guys out for breakfast like he said he would?" she changed the subject with a smile.

gio avoided eye contact with her which she automatically meant no.

"h-he just forgot. that's all." he stuttered a bit. sara tried to remain as calm as she could. she didn't want to lash out in front of her baby and took a mental note to talk to mattia tonight about not taking the kids out for breakfast.

"you don't have to lie to me, ya know? i won't get mad at him." she sighed and gave her son a reassuring look. "when i woke up this morning he wasn't here. he sent me a text as well saying that something came up and he had to go meet up with his manager for a gig." he simply explains. "so i made breakfast for us instead and lunch too. he sent us money for post mates but i was just mad-" he stopped himself from venting to his mother about his father.

"i didn't use the money. that's all." he shrugs as sara looks at him with sympathy.

"he promised me that he'd try hard for us. to try being more involved... why would he lie?" gio claps his hands together. "sometimes work gets in the way of things, honey. trust me if he could clear his schedule for a whole week just to be with us he would, okay?" the fact that sara was defending mattia wasn't something she wanted to do.

she had to because she didn't want her son to think bad about his own father, she was trying to protect at least both of them.

after their little conversation sara made dinner while the kids were being entertained by the activities they were doing before she got home. as sara looked over at the clock, she sighed.

it was seven o' clock and mattia still wasn't home. usually he'd send his wife a text saying that he was going to be home late but when sara checked her phone she had no new messages. the kids were now sitting at the table with their mother. she sneaked a quick text to mattia before eating with her babies.

sara: are you on your way yet?

she got no response after she sent it. she called twice and still nothing. she was beyond livid at this point. first, he didn't take the kids out for the day, then he doesn't respond to her text or calls her back? this was the third time this month that this occurred. she didn't show it but she was pissed off at dinner and while she tucked this kids into bed.

"is daddy gonna tuck me in too?" ellie asked as she held onto her stuffed giraffe. "yes, baby. of course. when he gets home i'll tell him to come and give you a kiss, okay?" sara's soft voice said as she placed a strand of hair behind her ear. ellie simply smiled at her mother.

"goodnight, angel. te amo." sara kisses ellie's nose. "buenas noches, mommy. te amo mas." the two giggled. once sara finishes tucking in her kids, she goes to her bathroom to take a shower. she then changed into some house shorts and one of mattia's shirts that fit her like a dress.

she went to the living room and ate ice cream as she watched good girls. without even knowing it, she fell asleep on the couch. she was woken up by someone whispering her name softly and rubbing her cheek gently with their palm.

she opened her eyes to see mattia with a smile. oh how much she wanted to wipe that stupid smile off his stupid face.

"did you make dinner?" he questions her. "yeah. we ate already so i put your plate in the fridge. now if you excuse me i'm going to bed." she was too tired to deal with him right now. she would have to be up bright and early tomorrow for meetings and such so she just didn't want to argue with her husband right now.

she got up from the couch and tried walking away but mattia reached out for her hand to stop her.

"you guys didn't wait for me? what happened to family dinners?" he asks with a pout as he held her hand. she quickly glanced at the clock on the wall for a time check.

2:34 a.m.

"i was not gonna wait till now to eat with you and neither were the kids, mattia. family dinners means that everyone has to be here at reasonable times." she sighs and glares at him. "where were you anyways, mattia? it's past midnight and you barely got home." she questions quickly and changed the subject.

"i was out. it's not a big deal, babe." he scoffs at her.

"not a big deal? if it's not a big deal then why can't you tell me where you were?" she remarked quickly and crossed her arms over her chest.

mattia gives her a look, as if she was crazy or something. all she wanted to know was where he was at, what was so hard about that?

he started walking to the kitchen, sara quickly followed him.

"sara, i've had a long day. please don't start with me right now..." he huffs as he opens the fridge and grabs his plate of cold food. "says the guy who comes home late smelling like alcohol and cigarettes." she looks at him from across the island.

"i didn't do shit! all i did was go to a bar with alejandro and alvaro after i finished my meetings. they drank but i didn't because i knew you'd react like this and treat me like some kid!" he was getting frustrated with her at this point, he showed it by banging his fist on the island. his breath reeked of alcohol so she was even more pissed off that he was lying to her about drinking.

"all i wanted to do was come home to my wife and kids. a nice home cooked meal and after the kids go to bed and we all settle down, maybe some good sex with my wife but i can't have that can't i? ever since you've gotten this attitude all you ever do is complain! you're on bitch mood twenty four seven, sara!" he was now raising his voice at her.

sara had no energy to argue with him right now. literally nothing left. she had a long day, she just wanted to sleep. she looked at him with tired eyes, she scanned his facial expression and saw the anger he always had all of a sudden now. right now she ignored it and walked away, but he didn't let her.

"where the fuck are you going?" he turned her around a little bit too rough. "to bed, mattia! i'm too tired to deal with your bullshit right now." she stated as she tried not to yell at him.

"whatever. go ahead, walk away. that's all you're good at since you can't do anything right. you definitely can't be a good wife." his words felt like knives. she felt like her heart was getting stabbed completely, over and over again.

she walked off, pretending that what he just said didn't phase her and went upstairs quietly so she wouldn't wake the kids.

little did she know, gio was hiding behind a pillar near the stairs where he heard everything.

she went to the room which she shared with her "husband" and jumped into bed. she laid in bed for a minute, thinking about what mattia said. his words repeating in her head like that one song that could never get out of your head.

"you definitely can't be a good wife."

those venomous words scared her pretty much. she couldn't believe he said that... why would he say that? was she really not a good wife? what was she doing that made her so horrible to him? was it the kisses? was it her cooking? was it her looks? was it the sex? the constant need of having him around? what was it?

whatever it was made her feel like she wasn't good enough which was not the case.

sara was always good enough.

she cried herself to sleep that night. and hours later she felt his presence next to her body, his arms wrapped around her keeping her warm but it didn't make her feel loved like it usually did. no, she had a different feeling. she felt like she was in bed with a stranger. why was she feeling this way? shouldn't she be happy that he was still willing to sleep in the same bed with her?

all the questions she thought of made her feel more insecure, not about herself but about her marriage with the man she loved so much. the last thing she wanted was to lose him, it would ruin her.

she hopes for an apology of some sort. perhaps a date to make it up, she'd be willing to forgive him. she knows he lied about not drinking, mattia could never say no to not have a beer or three with the boys. he wasn't thinking straight, she knows her husband too well.

he just didn't want to admit that he was drinking because he didn't want to feel more guilt than he was already feeling since he missed out on dinner.

so the next morning she was woken up by the smell of pancakes and bacon. she went downstairs and saw gio and mattia cooking at the stove, auggie and ellie coloring on the table while luke looked sleep deprived as he walked into the kitchen with his mom.

"morning, amor." mattia walks over to her holding a plate of stacked pancakes with all the works. he bends down a bit to kiss her oh so sweetly, they both smile into the kiss. "i handled everything you needed to do today so we can all spend quality family time and to start off the day i thought of making breakfast." he hands her the plate where she takes it and sits at the table. once everyone is served the all began to eat.

"you have to cook more, pop. these smack!" auggie speaks as he licks his lips. "maybe i will." mattia laughs as he looks over at his son. "how'd you sleep, ma?" gio asked simply. the way he asked her sounded like he knew something (which he did since he heard what his father told his mom last night) but no one thought too much of it.

"good, baby." she lied with a smile. gio could tell that she was lying but he wasn't going to confront her about eavesdropping on her and mattia.

they all ate breakfast in peace and with joy. gio couldn't stop looking at his mom and dad. especially, his mom since she seemed so happy. didn't mattia's drunk words hurt her? was she really pretending that nothing happened between her and her husband? he couldn't believe she was still protecting mattia after what he told her.

"what's up with you?" luke nudges his older brother's elbow slightly. "what?" was gio's response. "you keep on staring at mom. i get that she's beautiful but it's starting to look weird now. quit it." luke let out a dry chuckle after he spoke.

gio just rolled his eyes and finished his breakfast. once the family finished eating they were told to get ready for a day out. mattia said that he'd be taking them out to the carnival since it happened to be in town.

"hey, can we talk?" mattia closed the door behind him as he walked into his bedroom. sara was sitting at her vanity deciding what necklace to wear that she had in her jewelry box.

"yeah, what's up?" she nods and turns her body to face him. he sits in the edge of their bed as she sat across from him in her spinning stool.

"first off, i want to apologize for last night. i know i should've gave you a heads up about dinner and coming home late. yes, i did drink and i didn't mean any of what i said. i was drunk and stupid. i'm sorry, mamas." he gave a look filled with guilt and he really didn't mean those things that he told her last night.

"tia... i accept your apology, okay? you just had me worried because you weren't texting or calling me back. and i just had a stressful day overall yesterday." she sighed. "i know, baby. you shouldn't be overworking yourself either. i also took the liberty of organizing all of your meetings and handling the little things for your project. i know you've wanted this for the longest time and i hate to see you so worrisome about the little things, babe. i wanted to help you." he explains which made her heart feel a certain way. only he was able to give her that feeling as crazy as it sounds.

"i really do have the best husband in the world, huh?" she giggles. "and i have the best wife ever. being all sexy and shit." he winks at her which makes her blush.

"come give me a kiss." he adds and she obeys. she gets up from her chair and straddles mattia's lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and plays with his hair. she dips her head down, he catches her lips with his own. the kiss was soft and sweet, all of their worries seemed to wash away. almost as if all their problems went away as well... boy were they in for it.

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