kierancampire

[kierancampire]

For reference, I had tons of issues with his messages, I just thought focusing on the gay part was funny

#personal #gay #gay man #gay men #lgbtq community #lgbt pride #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbt

[kierancampire]

The dumbest creature you'll ever meet

#personal #cat #cats #cute #torties #tortoiseshell cat #tortoiseshell #tort

[kierancampire]

Life's just being one of those fucking days.

So late Wednesday mum asks if I can dog sit on Thursday, I do and it's fine. Then she asks late Thursday if I can also do today/Friday, it annoys me she has asked 2 days in a row, and gave me no notice both times which puts me on the spot, but I agree to do it again. I then come crashing down mentally cause of SA trauma. I then sleep like shit again. I then wake up to find that for some reason someone saw me discussing my SA as an excuse to sex chat me and send me nudes non-consensually. First thing in the morning. Then when I get to mums house, one of the first things that happens is Lola grabs onto Dude's face with her teeth and growls. Then Roxy gives me snuggles and has a flea jump off her, so now I need to try and make sure I don't bring that back. And then, wanting to just escape into my book from everything, I start reading it and literally one of the first fucking scenes is a girl about to get gang raped by men, it didn't happen, but it nearly did. So my book just restarted the fucking circle.

And then it's the fucking weekend so I know my neighbours gonna be blasting music all fucking weekend. I'm just at that point I want to tear my skin off and scream. I feel like any little fucking thing is gonna send me over the edge.

#personal

[kierancampire]

Turkey's cat island park where you'll be surrounded by friendly cats as soon as you sit there.

(Source)

[kierancampire]

What the fuck is wrong with some people?

#personal #vent #venting #rant #ranting #sa #sexual assault

[kierancampire]

Just rambling about the same old stuff

I was talking to a friend about how it's been 4 years since I've been with anyone, not romantically but sexually, though both are true, but it was kinda hard to talk about since, yeah, obviously pretty much every time with Nathan was nonconsensual, and the very last time we did stuff was when he knowingly and intentionally breached my terms of consent

I kinda noticed that online I don't sex chat any more, like, I rarely talk to anyone in general, but I just literally do not sex chat (meaning exchanging a series of nudes/an engaged roleplayesque sexual conversation in private messages) ever, I in fact push anyone away who tries. But I think I started to realise it's because of Nathan, and I guess technically Dave, I just associate sex with pain, so I am against doing it now

Other people always talk about a break in sex as in it's the last time they had fun/got off, and speak about it like it hurts to go so long without and they are dying to have it again. But for me it's a case of stating the last time I was sexually assaulted, and that's all I could think of when talking to this friend, it was talking about the last time I was with someone, but not really, it was the last time my body was used against my will

I hate talking about this, I know no one cares, and I just feel dramatic, I've been going off about the same thing for 4 years now, I need to get over it and move on, I know, I hate any time it upsets me and I vent about it, it's embarrassing, how many more times do I need to talk about this event. But, again, the topics I have beaten to death, but I did go through so much in 2018-2019, then I had the most hardest year of my life in 2020 and that SA was just a small part of it, to then further go through incredibly difficult times from 2021-2023, with virtually no breaks, just an onslaught of shit with multiple severe traumas. And I've just never recovered. I'm not the same person, I'm not capable of what I used to be mentally or physically, every aspect of me took a toll, I changed entirely as a person, and Nathan really was just a huge part of that, and I dunno why, through it all, through everything I went through, for some reason the SA is the one that keeps coming back and hurting me

#personal

[kierancampire]

Well that fucking sucks that someone did that 🙄 Who the fuck goes out of their way to ruin peoples fun and enjoyment? If you don't wanna see shit, block/ignore it, don't report it 🙄 How sad is someone's life that they report a blog to staff to get it removed? 🙄 How do you feel accomplished in that? Hope whoever reported it feels fucking happy and fulfilled 🙄

#personal

[kierancampire]

And on the 7th day, God said "Let there be Swedish Fish" and my pussy was never dry again. I haven't had these in fucking years. They are so hard to find here! But god fucking damn I love them!

#personal

[kierancampire]

Last night's sleep was odd

So I slept incredibly fast, like I went to bed and was down quickly. I also slept very peacefully, that is until it reached around 4 am. But I was so tired I could barely move, open my eyes, I felt in a ton of pain, incredibly drained and exhausted, I felt like shit. It took a while but I finally managed to go back to sleep, just to wake up at 5 am, this time I fell back to sleep faster, then woke up at 7

So in a few ways it technically was better, I finally slept past 5:30 in a way, but yeah, still not perfect

#personal

[kierancampire]

I noticed this piece of gunk build up in this crack, so I got a bamboo skewer, bent it in half so it made a V shape, and turned it so the blunt and pointy end faced me, then crouched to see what I was doing up close. I then used the blunt end to scrape the gunk, but I did so by dragging it towards my face to pick up the gunk. At one point it caught, so I used more pressure to push it, when all of a sudden it came loose and flew towards me, and the pointy end of the bamboo skewer stabbed me just below my eyebrow at quite a speedI noticed this piece of gunk build up in this crack, so I got a bamboo skewer, bent it in half so it made a V shape, and turned it so the blunt and pointy end faced me, then crouched to see what I was doing up close. I then used the blunt end to scrape the gunk, but I did so by dragging it towards my face to pick up the gunk. At one point it caught, so I used more pressure to push it, when all of a sudden it came loose and flew towards me, and the pointy end of the bamboo skewer stabbed me just below my eyebrow at quite a speed

Then I just broke down laughing, imagine losing an eye and being rushed to the hospital, as I did everything as incorrectly as possible, which led to me stabbing my own eye out with a bamboo skewer :') It's just after it stabbed me I realised what a fucking idiot I was and that was all on me! Who pushes a sharp skewer towards their face to clean something? :')

#personal

[kierancampire]

Real tired but sure body, whatever

#personal

[kierancampire]

👀

IYKYK

#personal

[kierancampire]

Thanks body, it's not like I'm constantly tired from all the bad sleeps lately

#personal

[kierancampire]

Gonna make yummy cummies

#personal

[kierancampire]

I'm trying to talk to someone new, but augh

So he's really into card games, board games, table top games, but what he's really into is D&D, like, massively so. Every time the topics come up I have just awkwardly commented on it while quickly trying to drop it, but he just keeps bringing it up and will not stop talking about it, like obsessively talking about his D&D game in the way these D&D people talk like they're doing these real battles and it's just so cringey and awful

But I just couldn't keep doing it, so I've just honestly told him how much I hate these things, why these topics because a trauma/trigger topic for me, and that I just still absolutely despise them and just don't want to talk about them. But I hate it, I feel selfish and like an ass wanting it my way and not talking about it, especially when it's clearly something he is intensely passionate about and cares a lot for. But when you already hated something that then becomes traumatic? It does nothing to improve your hate for that thing. I guess we'll see if this is two walls hitting each other that can't move on, which will be a shame if so, he seems like a nice guy, but yeah, we both feel very passionately about the same topic in different ways

#personal

[kierancampire]

Reblogging a clean version to add

One thing that instantly removes my immersion from a movie is seeing an actor I have seen in 15 different movies, I hate how it's just always the same actors used until everyone is sick of them. Wanna know partly why I love Jurassic Park so much? Nearly every actor in the first 3 films I have only ever seen in those movies! So they feel real and authentic! Not to speak on the state of it now, but growing up Harry Potter meant a lot to me, and again partly what made the film so special was only seeing the actors in those movies and growing up with them!

I wish movies would stop beating the same few actors to death, the experience is so much more enhanced with new and more unknown actors!

[kierancampire]