Tumgik
#i don't usually bring up anything about my personal problems but this one really is a thing
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cw // possible eyestrain
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Sound Sensitivity
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hauntedpearl · 2 years
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#I'm thinking about like. how anxiety can cripple my articulation again like. when put on a spot. i don't feel like j express myself as well#as i can. and then i feel guilt over it especially when people end up picking irresolvable arguments with me because i feel like i#overexplain myself and the other party just straight up categorizes me as the Bad Person ahdgjskd which makes me more anxious aggsjddk#(yes this is about the thing i elft tumblr for in part but not fully. like ik it's been three months but it was v traimatizing lmao)#(like every time i start thinking about it i know im on the brink of an anxiwty attack again and then i just. shut down ahgshdke FUN IT'S#SO FUN!!!)#anyway. my point is. im very. like. careful with how i curate my space on other social media because i feel like there's ~ c l o u t ~#involved and it's also some weird sense of obligation that i can't shake. i put it down to self-importance honestly bc i don't have a big#platform or anything but i feel like even the ability to influence someone in a small way is like. RESPONSIBILITY.#with tumblr i dont feel that responsibility. i don't actively follow people who are spouting hate or have beliefs which are honestly#really fucking outrageous. like. terfs can die i wouldn't feel bad. samr for racists lmao. or nazis. the usual fodder right#but i tolerate aphobia to an extent. bc *I'm* ace and ive interacted with the group#and most of them never actively say anything. the ones who do are ignored but others im like. i will take yoir jokes but nothing else.yk??#it's a strange system but it's very stress-free for me and i curate it that way for whatever reason#even now i feel like I'm not expressing myself properly. like.. it's not about agreeing with a certain belief. it's about my personal level#of comfort/discomfort. and how much im able to tolerate from a person before i say enough is enough.#also i can't bring myself to like block people bc again weird problems but i curate carefully enough that that's never a problem for me#all this bc i saw some post about kids being afraid to consume certain media bc they're afraid of being ousted from their social circles &#LIKE YEAH. I MEAN. IT HAPPENS FR. AND IT HURTS LIKE HELL? SO??.#HMM ANYWAY. i don't even post desinatural anymore that used to be my thing it makes me so sad :(#personal lmao.#dony even reply to this this is Nonsense ™#i have friends outside i am okay it's just a trigger so im ranting#bYE
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asmosmainhoe · 3 months
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hi i saw that you mentioned you’d do Obey Me Characters react to you being jealous and was wondering if you did it, cause i couldn’t find it 😅. and if not.. well i guess this is a request haha thank you 🫶
The brothers reacting to a jealous MC
Notes: Omg it's been yeaaaaars since I talked about that jsnsjqh I totally forgot
Gender: neutral
Warnings: none
Masterlist
Lucifer
Saying that he doesn't enjoy the scene that unfolds before him would be a lie. You're standing there with your arms crossed and a frown on your face, too proud to admit your jealousy
He might even tease you little bit and have that awful cocky grin form on his pretty lips. That frustrates you more than anything
"Don't be a fool, my love. As much as I take joy in seeing you like this I don't want you to feel insecure."
"I'm not insecure though. I trust you."
"I know, but nevertheless I want you to remember that you have no competition. You could never have competition."
Maybe it's his reassuring voice or the adoration that is oh so obvious in his eyes that makes the silly voice in the back of your head shut up. You believe him when he says that no one compares
Mammon
So many mixed feelings. On one hand he likes the thought of having his favorite person fight for him, but on the others he really doesn't want you to beat yourself up over this
Mammon is a party animal and incredibly outgoing so those traits naturally come with some side effects which is in this case an overly confident admirer. The same admirer who is currently experiencing the terror of a lifetime thanks to the deadly looks you're giving them
As much as a jerk your beloved boyfriend can be this time he's keeping his teasing comments to himself. On the contrary even. He's sending clear signals towards the other demon by displaying so much affection towards you to the point where you have to practically shove him off you. It still leaves you giggling and grinning
"What in Diavolo's name are you doing?!"
"What does it look like? I'm givin' ya the Mammon deluxe package!"
Leviathan
Of course he knows the feeling too well. After all he's struggling with keeping it at bay at the slightest interaction you have with other people. It's not his intention to hurt you or cage you in simply because he can't control himself
So out of all the brothers Levi is the one to react the fastest. He's already pulling you aside for a more private setting and tightly wraps his arms around you
"Please don't think anything of it! You're my number one and you always will be!"
The hug might or might not have been a way to hide his intense blush as he's saying those words. We all know that it takes a lot out of him
He will avoid the other person like a plague from that point on even if you stop being jealous of them. Someone only has to mention their name and he's jumping to his feet as if he got stung by something
Satan
He doesn't care about how others feel about him so when you first mention that he has an admirer he doesn't pay it any attention. You don't know if it relieves or bothers you to be honest
While Satan couldn't care less about such things he still does care how you feel in this situation. If you're uncomfortable with the way the other person is treating him then he will address it to them immediately
But beware! He thinks the problem is solved with that and most likely doesn't quite notice that it still bugs you. You literally have to bring it up to him, but don't worry. Everything after that is easy
"Please don't get this the wrong way. I trust you with all my heart, but I don't know...I guess I need some extra reassurance to be able to get passed it."
"No, don't apologize, my dear. I'll give you anything you need to have the issue solved."
Asmodeus
Us Asmo stans know that he comes with a price. The price being a comically large amount of fans who would kiss the ground he walks on
Usually you're not the type to be bothered by that, because you knew exactly what you agreed to when dating him and Asmo has done everything in his power to never let you feel insecure in this relationship
Unfortunately there is still this one specific person who you can't seem to stand at all. The thought of them alone turns your stomach upside down and has your blood boiling
Please feel more than free to bring it up to Asmo though! He doesn't want you to feel that way.
Since the beginning he's been doing nothing, but fight the allegations that he's not a loyal partner and only cares for one thing and you've been making sure that he knows how much you trust him
"I can tell them to step on the breaks and if they don't listen then I'll just be a bit more assertive."
"What exactly do you mean with assertive?"
"Don't you worry your pretty head, honey."
The next day this person magically vanished from all social media and for some reason Asmo doesn't want to give you any details, but you do know that his fanclub has something to do with it
Beelzebub
Like Satan he couldn't care less what other people feel towards him. He has his family and his own close circle that's all he really needs, but he's an extremely attentive boyfriend. Your sudden mood changes whenever this particular demon is mentioned or around don't go unnoticed
"Did they do something to hurt you?"
Beel-fight-mode is activated and he's looking around for that person, ready to knock the breath out of their lungs
"No, no! It's a bit...silly."
You're feelings aren't silly! They're valid! Just tell him what's going on and he will get to it immediately
If you need some extra reassurance after that then he's more than happy to cover you in love and affection
Belphegor
Is it bothering you enough to put up with his teasing? Don't give me that look. We both know that he's going to provoke the shit out of you
"Wow, is someone jealous?"
"I will punch you."
Yes, he will make you suffer for several days, but when he notices that you're genuinely hurting from it he will stop
He doesn't mind being rude to others to get his point across or to get you what you want. So, no. He's not breaking their heart. He's shattering it into million tiny pieces and stomps on the remains
Later that day when you two are cuddling in bed he's telling you that you're the only one for him as he drifts off to sleep kissing you
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xiao-come-home · 1 year
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How Genshin men wake up with you;
and spend their morning with you.
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✰ Characters: Kaeya, Diluc, Zhongli, Xiao, Itto, Ayato, Kazuha, Dainsleif, Alhaitham.
✰ Words: ~3,5k.
✰ SFW ; gn!reader, no mentions of pronouns. fluff.
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Warnings: a lot of physical touch and kisses, reader is implied to have hair, ayato is a bit sus, kazu deserves the world, alhaitham makes kavehs life a bit difficult by choice. msg me to add more.
A/N: this is a sequel to How Genshin men sleep with you post, with two new characters added cuz it was fun to write :') a lot of alhaitham's morning routine is assumed because usually, id try to base it off canon, so yeah ;3;
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Kamisato Ayato:
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as the Yashiro commissioner, he has to wake up pretty early. but... there's only one problem - Ayato hates it with passion. poor Thoma used to shake him awake every 15 minutes, at least three times. ayato would just swat his hands away, press his face into the pillow and sigh loudly, promising Thoma to get up in a few minutes. (he didn't)
now that you're living with your boyfriend, you share the same bed. which means a few things - he clings to you the entire night, your limbs are tangled together in the morning, and now you're the one in charge of getting him out of bed (Thoma almost cried in happiness). he annoyingly turns off the screaming alarm and snuggles back into you.
he has a habit of, quite literally - squishing his cheek against yours as he lies next to you. he also likes to nuzzle into your neck and grip you like a monkey that found the last banana in its vicinity. he hums at you and lies down with his eyes closed if you ask him questions or say anything. you can tell by the tone he hums with whether he agrees on something or not, but generally, that keeps him enough busy not to fall asleep again.
i can't stress this enough, he's ALL over you. if he's in his "cheek-against-cheek" mode, he literally cradles your other one with his palm. if his face is in your neck and you lie on your back, his fingers are intertwined with yours. the more awake he is, the more kisses are being placed by his lips.
he definitely requests breakfast in bed. at this point he's cuddled enough, so now he wants to feed you. literally. he picks up the food skillfully with his favorite chopsticks and carefully brings it to your mouth, "open up my love," he speaks in his usual, soft-spoken tone, but it's clear his morning voice is still there. "that's it, you're so good for me. is it good? would you like some more?" hmm..
just so you know: he wants you to feed him too and will pout and threaten (playfully) to go back to sleep if you don't. since he likes to sleep more, there aren't many activities you share in the morning; as a result, he cherishes the morning snuggle and sharing your first meal together a lot. Ayato is always curious to hear about your upcoming plans for the day - but he won't say no to lighthearted conversations either. he just really wants to hear your voice.
Arataki Itto:
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listen. he either sleeps until 6am or 1pm. there's no in-between, sometimes he stays up all night or falls asleep on your lap on the couch as soon as he comes back home. no, he won't move.
it's hard to say whether he's a morning person - but probably not; he whines a lot into your hair when he has to wake up early and hasn't rested enough, babbling how dark it is outside and that you're too warm to let go of.
speaking of, he holds onto you in the mornings like his life depends on it - you have to work? no, no, no - just stay for a while longer, while he smushes your face right into his... um, prominent chest. you feel the warmth of his bare skin, his chin on top of your head, his large hands drawing invisible patterns of stars, clouds, or hearts under your pajama t-shirt; he sneaks a few kisses on your hair, humming in contentment when he feels you hug him back with your arm over his own hip.
he's totally willing to make you a nice meal before work though, and wake up earlier in the process. most of the time it ends up in absolute disaster and him taking twice as much time to clean it up. but... if you decide to make breakfast together, itto can actually cook up a nice meal (with "a little of your help"). while the preparations are done and the meal is almost ready to be served, the oni hugs you from behind and sways a little from side to side, nuzzling into your neck drowsily and trying not to drool on you.
generally, he's very touchy after waking up (as you can probably guess by now), so he wants to accompany you everywhere before you have to leave. he'll cuddle you before leaving the sheets, link your pinkies when you wait for the water to boil, go showering together, have his hand on your thigh if you do your makeup, attempt to help you with your makeup which might end up in very interesting results, and trying to mischievously steal some kisses just as you're about to leave.
Itto's hands cup your cheeks gently and he flashes you a boyish smirk; he leans in and connects your lips, purring as some of his unruly hair falls onto your shoulders. he always claims he "just wants to give his little sunshine a good luck kiss for the day," but in reality, he just wants to feel you real good before you depart for today. also, he really likes flavored lip glosses, and you keep buying them, so it's not his fault for giving in to your "devilish temptations"
Kaeya:
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the bed is an absolute mess. the pillows are everywhere, his part of the duvet is barely covering him from the stomach down, and probably, he has one of his arms on your face.
it takes a while for him to fully wake up; once he opens his eyes just barely enough to see, he scans the room to make sure you're near him - and then he either gets up or decides to snuggle up to you, kiss your temple and go back to sleep for a bit more.
if it's a work day, he uses all his willpower (read: 30 alarms) to wake up earlier and just admire you. he likes to big spoon you and have his arm over your hip, gently grazing your hand with the pads of his fingers; Kaeya just can't get enough of the smell of your shampoo, of your warmth, of your presence.
before properly getting out of bed, he hovers above your sleeping form - it gives him butterflies to see you so peaceful; therefore, he always bends down and places a few butterfly kisses on your cheek with his pretty lashes. he chuckles lightly when he sees you stir in your sleep because of the interaction, so he gives your cheek a proper kiss and (unwillingly) leaves the warm bed.
just so you know - he WILL attempt to get in your pants if he has a day off. Kaeya's hands start to wander automatically as he kisses you awake (or at least attempts to), and if he feels like a little shiet enough - he might place his cold feet on your legs to help you wake up and have some fun! :)
you might need reinforcements if he doesn't wanna get up in winter when it's cold. Kaeya clings to the duvet like he's about to meet the grim reaper himself.
Diluc:
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he has a routine that he strictly follows - but at the same time, he's an expert at being quiet and letting you sleep. he takes his time getting dressed up though - he can't help but cheat a bit and watch you snore.
even if it's his day off, he still wakes up earlier than you. but there's a catch - he then leaves your shared bed for a moment to greet his maids and order them to make you a mix of your and his favorites for breakfast. he doesn't want to wake you up, but he really wants to talk with you again - so he might do that with that precious scent of freshly prepared food..
an absolute sucker for playing with your hair in the morning. he runs his fingers through your hair in the gentlest way possible, shifting closer to you and pressing a sweet, warm kiss on your forehead that he lets to linger for a bit longer.
likewise, when you play with his hair to wake HIM up - he might just feel his heart explode and shed a few happy tears. he's never believed there will be a day he meets an angel like you, even more so that graces him with such affection, sincere affection that makes your eyes sparkle.
Diluc leaves you his t-shirt he sleeps in just before going to Angel's Share - it smells like his body wash with a little bit of his natural scent. He usually takes it off in the middle of the night anyway, finding himself to feel a bit too hot for his liking.
Either way, you love cuddling with it. He's not there physically, but it's a reminder that he made it safely and spent the remaining hours of the night next to you.
Zhongli:
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he also has his own routine! he wakes up as soon as the sun begins to rise, quietly walking to the kitchen and carefully making a cup of tea for himself. he drinks his tea slowly, shuddering at the taste; his taste buds overflown with the right combination of spices. he finishes his drink just in the right time - it's time to wake you up now.
Zhongli sits on the bed and brushes some of your hair behind your ear; he kisses your forehead and begins to mumble good morning to you. He smiles at you and caresses your cheek with his thumb when he sees you trying to convince him to get just 5 more minutes.
while you finally get up and groggily change your clothes, he goes to prepare your favorite drink, be it tea, coffee, or anything else. he likes to put some mild spices in it to make your usual drink feel a bit more special and surprising. if you can't handle spices, that's fine! instead, he can give you a small snack :)
he really, really wants to brush your hair and vice versa. it's probably one of his favorite morning activities. he's trying his best not to pull your hair and if he does, he places an apologetic kiss on the crown of your hair. he'd be even happier if you let him style your hair, going to the garden or a flower shop nearby and decorating it with small flowers.
but... if you persuade him to get back to bed, he'll oblige. though, in return, you can't fall back asleep - he keeps you awake by asking you if you had any dreams or nightmares, to tell him about them, or what you'd like to eat.
he asks you to do his makeup! Zhongli's perfectly able to do it himself, but he loves seeing how focused you are on the given task, the corners of his lips going up when he hears you curse under your breath, trying to suppress his laugh.
Xiao:
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a morning bird (ha!) just like Zhongli, but he has no routine... unless killing demons counts as one. considering this, he usually isn't around when you wake up :( (not that he sleeps anyway.. 90% of the time.)
however, all it takes to make him appear is to call his name - Xiao never misses it and always prioritizes you first. he might roll his eyes if you call him "just" to lie in bed with you. but it's fine - he "berates" you (not really) while almost spooning you.
there are some rare mornings shared together with Xiao, though; he says he has to watch you to keep you safe and hopes that you won't question the excuse any further, but you know it's something else. After all, his hands covering the rosy cheeks seem to give everything away.
in reality, Xiao's cold heart gets well-deserved warmth whenever he sees you sleep. of course he still wants to protect you, but realizing how much trust you have in him to fall asleep without second thoughts is more than anything he could ever want. he smiles, eyebrows knitting together ever so slightly when he pecks your face all over; his kisses are quick and chaste. even though you can't really feel this now, you know his lips leave a tingling sensation.
he lets you sleep a bit longer on his bare hand and doesn't care if it falls asleep. he's so mesmerized by your faith in him that he just does not care. even as simple as it sounds.
when the tiredness gets the best of him, the next morning you find him breathing steadily next to you. you don't wake him up though, probably because as soon as you'd do that, he's gone off to fight the evil. give him a blanket and prepare a plate of almond tofu - the disbelief on his face quickly turns into adoration, accepting the meal and savoring every bite. after he's done, he kisses your knuckles and whispers "I love you" against your skin.
Kaedehara Kazuha:
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yet another person who wakes up extremely early. he opens his eyes slowly, blinking a few times to get used to the light; his crimson orbs scan the environment, and his face lights up when there's no danger around. he stretches his arms to shake off the remains of sleepiness and presses a good morning kiss on your shoulder.
he later decides to hunt or fish for fresh meat - depends on what you like more, but he'd be overjoyed if you let him do his signature dish! he doesn't go far, just enough to still keep an eye on you. don't worry - he's also prepared if you don't eat meat at all! he's more than happy to learn recipes to accommodate and just to simply make you smile more.
he starts a small fire nearby your sleeping form, the distance is enough to make you feel warm, but not enough to possibly hurt you. the crackling of fire wakes you up, along with the delicious smell of Kazuha's cooking. when he notices you slowly awakening, his mouth curves into a smile; he shifts next to you and kisses your nose.
he's trying to fight the grin creeping on his face every time you enjoy his food. really, that's why he does that every time you're traveling together. also, by this point - he still has a massive bed hair. please brush his hair in return. and braid it too - he'll touch the finished piece with a blush on his face and shyly thank you for being so kind to him.
also! he trusts you a lot and lets you change his bandage every morning. particular spots hurt more than the others and Kazu tries not to show his pain; but seeing how much care you're putting into it, disinfecting it, and kissing the pain away when he winces - the love stored in his heart makes the relief appear faster.
he ALWAYS makes sure you're all warm and comfy, especially in winter. Kazu covers you entirely with a thick blanket from his bag, the sole item in it during your shared travels. he's also willing to stay cuddled up together for a bit longer when he notices the snowfall outside. his warm breath fans over your neck as his arm over your waist tightens and brings you closer to him.
Dainsleif:
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again, another morning person - but slightly less by choice. as soon as Dainsleif shoots open his eyes, he tries to calm down his racing heart; he lets out a sigh of relief when his indigo eyes notice you sound asleep.
he smiles shyly at your intertwined hands. he brings them closer to his face, pressing a sweet kiss on each of your knuckles, careful not to wake you up and give you a bit more time to rest.
even though you've expressed multiple times that you hate it - Dain can't stop guarding you right after awakening himself. He won't get back to sleep no matter what, keeping an eye out on the possible danger. He's aware that you don't like it - but he can't let anything happen to you, not even a scratch if he's nearby. You're everything he has left. He's lost everything else and despite being aware of the strength that gods possess, he's willing to cross blades with them if it meant extending your life more in return.
he always shifts your resting body on his - sometimes just your head on his lap so you can sleep a bit more comfortably, or entirely, so he keeps you secure between his legs, using his chest as a pillow and having his arms wrapped around you tightly.
"Good morning, my star. How was your sleep? Did you have any pleasant dreams?" is his daily mantra he says when he sees you arise. Next, Dain caresses your lips with his own in a tender kiss. if you decide that you feel cheesy that morning, answer something along these lines: "it seems like I haven't awoken from my pleasant dream yet." his cheeks will flush cherry red, hand flying to cover the blush immediately; even if you can't see it, you know it worked. it always does.
Dainsleif might not be kazuha-tier when it comes to cooking, so he prefers to take you to various taverns for your first meal if it's possible (yes, he's in mom-mode when it comes to breakfast and won't stop until you eat, because "breakfast must not be skipped. it's the most important meal!"). however, when that option isn't available, he prepares you a meal himself. some recipes are long forgotten, they taste like nothing else you've eaten before - they taste bizarre at first, but later on dain finally hits the jackpot and discovers your favorite. while your stomach gets filled with khaenri'ahn delicacies, his chest almost suffocates with the warmth and he watches you with twinkling eyes and the most tender smile.
Alhaitham:
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this man. he ZOOMS out of bed as soon as the alarm rings. immediately puts on half of his clothes. when he's about to leave the room... he comes back near the bed, gives you a quick kiss on the forehead, and then moves to the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee and your favorite drink.
he really wants to avoid Kaveh. he will NOT deal with him in the morning, nuh uh. unless he can make his day a bit worse than Kaveh anticipates...
either way, he lets you sleep 20 more minutes. the exact moment the clock on his wall hits 7:20am, he returns to your shared room and gently shakes you to wake you up. if you don't comply, he just takes you bridal style to the kitchen and sits you on his lap, regardless of whether you still sleep.
he loves pressing you tightly to his chest, inhaling the fresh scent of your laundry detergent and your own, natural one; he hides his face in your neck, closing his eyes. his lips connect with your neck and leave a trail of kisses, while his defined arm tightens around your waist. perhaps that will wake you up?
hearing Kaveh entering the kitchen and greeting you (and mumbling something to him too, but clearly not genuine) he looks at him with a slight annoyance. Kaveh merely lets out a "hmph" sound, clearly unaware of what Alhaitham is about to do. the scribe locks eyes with him shortly before going back to kissing your neck, but this time marking you; the obscene noises cause you to immediately awaken if you haven't, and Kaveh storming out of the room with a blush, muttering curses under his breath. Alhaitham only chuckles as you turn your head to face him, "good morning, love. you've finally woken up. we have to leave soon, so hurry up and drink it before it gets cold like last time."
on his day off, his day starts similarly - he wakes up a bit later though, but still needs his morning coffee. with the steaming drink on his nightstand, he joins you back below the cozy sheets, sitting down with his back against the headboard. he glances at you one last time and kisses your lips ever so slightly, the touch so tender that you barely register it; then, his eyes are glued to the book in hand he's been reading for a few days. if you wish, he'll gladly have you between his legs and let you snore on his chest - you don't even have to say a thing - he automatically rises his arm and waits for you to move without moving his eyes from the book. once you've settled comfortably, he pulls up the duvet and puts his chin on your head (and occasionally rubs your back gently, but denies it. even if you catch him. every time).
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vainvenus · 11 months
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⌲;꒰ Favorite boy in the Valley ꒱
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Pairing - Eli Moskowitz x Fem!Reader
Synopsis - Eli's doubting your relationship so you have to confirm some things for him.
Includings - S1!Eli no Hawk, insecurities, crying, embarrassed and blushing Eli, lots of kisses, words of affirmation, small bits of angst, a bunch of fluff
An - First post back with a new fixation! All tags used are fandoms I write for so feel free to request anything
And if anybodys interested I'm currently writing a Scream Au!Cobra Kai on quotev under the same name I use on here
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Eli had been a bit off lately and it was starting to worry you.
Eli was generally a quiet person, he had been that way since you met him and he still was. But even given his quiet nature if there was a topic he was interested in and the right people were talking about it he would add in an opinion or two.
And he would be more than happy to rant to you of all people about a new series he had started up or to talk about one of the movies you recommended to him so that the two of you could gush about it and share opinions, but recently he had been a lot quieter.
You shut your locker, smiling over at the dirty blonde. "So, have you watched clueless yet? The fashion in that is-"
"Uh..no, sorry. I was...uhm...busy." He interrupted, staring down at his feet at the lie he told, he watched it twice and wanted nothing more than to go on and on about it.
You rose a brow, head tilting slightly as you stared at him with a look that almost made him call his bluff. "Busy?"
He just nodded quietly.
Then about a week ago, when you asked him if he wanted to come over after school to do a Marvel marathon he had quickly declined, saying that he had other plans and before you could ask what those plans were he went to go talk to Demetri.
He would usually walk you to class, everybody saying that wherever you were he had to be somewhere close by but recently as you waited outside your classroom for him he would be nowhere to found and that made your heart sink a little bit.
"Hey, you weren't outside my English class to walk me to culinary today." You frowned, setting your lunch tray next to his and taking your seat. "I wanted to tell you that I aced my essay..."
Eli glanced over at you and moved his nail from between his teeth. A nasty habit you had been trying to get him to stop doing for months and you were real close until he started becoming distant.
"I was just...just rushing to get to Chemistry. I had a really important test and wanted to get some extra study time in." He explained and you slowly nodded, deciding not to bring up the fact that his test was tomorrow.
He also stopped holding your hand, the first thing he could make the first move on, something he could confidently do if he was feeling nervous or just wanted to touch you. Normally he would hold it as he walked you to your classes or even when the two of you were sitting together at lunch but he started to pull his hand away or shove it into his pocket.
And what really got you was when he started denying your kisses. At first you thought it would just be by accident or he didn't want a kiss at the moment since he was still getting comfortable with PDA but you soon realized that he was dodging your kisses, tilting and moving his head when you leaned in.
It was all really confusing. You didn't understand why he was acting like this and it left you wondering if you had did something wrong. Maybe you had done something that made him upset with you?
You sighed, leaning onto Demetri's shoulder. "Its like when we first met all over again, Dem. He's just been so distant and I don't know whats the matter. Has he been acting different with you?"
"No, he hasnt." Demetri bluntly answered, shaking his head while his eyes stayed focused on the homework you let out a long sigh. "Then it's me, I have to be the problem."
The brunette sighed, putting his pencil down and turning his head to look at you, nearly giving you a death glare. "Look, you just need to talk to him, alright? He's probably going through another one of his slumps and needs some reassurance."
You had groaned, rubbing your hand along your face. "Of course, why hadn't you thought of that before? "Thanks, Dem! You're so good at giving advice, can't believe I didn't think that. God I'm dumb sometimes."
He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I know I am and I know you are. Now, can we please finish our homework now that you're done moping?"
"[Y/n], Eli didn't tell me you were coming."
You smiled up at his mother as you held a new copy of the comic book Eli had ranted about a while ago along with a bag of some of his favorite snacks. "Yeah, I wanted to surprise him."
"Well he's upstairs in his room." She hummed, closing the door behind you as you walked up the stairs and down the hall to the boy's room, lifting your knuckles up to knock on the door.
There was a bit of shuffling before the door opened and Eli's eyes were wide with surprise upon seeing you. "[Y/n]? What..What are you doing here?"
"I just really need to talk to you. Can I come in, please?"
He seemed hesitant at first before reluctantly nodded and opened his door all the way. You set the things you brought for him on the table then walked over to sit across from him on his bed.
You looked at him, staring into his eyes as you reached out to grab his hand and rubbed your thumb over the back of it. "Eli, talk to me. What's the matter? What's going on?"
"It's nothing-" He started but you weren't buying it, obviously. "Eli we both know that's a lie. You haven't really been yourself lately and I just need to know why. I'm here for you. Is it something that I've done or anything I can fix?"
"Unless you can fix me being a freak, no, you can't."
Your face softened as you held onto his hand a little tighter. "Eli, you're not-"
He shook his head, pulling his hands away from yours. "No! Don't. Don't say that! I don't wanna hear this whole 'you're not a freak' talk again I'm so sick of it!"
The way his voice started to crack made your heart sink as you saw that his eyes were starting to water, fresh tears threatening to spill.
"Kyler said something that...that just really got me thinking. Saying that he didn't know how a girl like...like you gave a nerd with a weird lip...lip a chance." Eli swallowed the lump starting in his throat because he was going to start crying rethinking of the conversation.
"He started talking about how much better you could've done. Better like somebody like...like him." He sniffled, his fingers brushing against his scar as he looked everywhere but you when he spoke.
"And then I started to think he was...was right. You could do so much better than some nerd with a freaky l..lip." His voice wobbled as he stared down at his bedsheets.
"Eli. Eli, look at me." While the boy shook his head you reached up to grab the sides of his face, wiping away the tears with your thumbs that were starting to fall down his cheeks.
You sighed, frowning softly. "Look, I don't care what anybody else says, okay? Kyler was wrong because there's no better choice. I mean, is there any other boy at school who would listen to my constant complaining about Mrs.Carter?"
Eli had stayed quiet as you continued. "Would any other boy let me ramble about [f/superhero] and not call me a nerd?"
Silence.
You weren't done though. "Would some jerk like Kyler deal with my long shopping trips and help me carry all my bags around?"
Continuing you had smiled softly up at him. "Oh and I'm one hundred percent sure none of those guys would watch silly chick flicks with me and actually like them."
He shrugged his shoulders and you smiled, pressing your lips against the his cheek in a short yet sweet kiss and he winced, feeling the stickiness from your lipgloss. "And no other boy here is as breathtaking as you."
Your smile grew more as you saw the tips of his ears turning pink and he turned his head away slightly, looking up and away at his ceiling. "[Y/n].."
"I'm serious, Eli. You're so very pretty. I love and adore everything about you."
He avoided eye contact with you, trying to pull his face from your hands but you only hummed while pressing kisses all over his face and leaving shiny kiss marks along it.
"Your eyes alone just make me melt, y'know? I'm real jealous of how your lashes look better than mine." You giggled, placing a kiss right above his brow.
"[Y/n], stop..." He mumbled, his cheeks now being a color that would put any blush set to shame and you shook your head.
"You have a beautiful nose. I love staring at your side profile, it's just perfect." You complimented, kissing the bridge of his nose before your eyes trailed down.
You reached up, tracing your finger along the scar. "And like I've said before I love your scar. I could kiss you a million times and never get grossed out by it.
At that you leaned forward, pressing your lips right against his scar and you could feel his hands squeezing at the bottom of your shirt, fists squeezing tightly around the fabric before you moved down and captured his slightly chapped lips with your own. While you leaned into the kiss you could feel Eli's grip slowly lighten as he leaned into the kiss.
Eli was a burning mess in a the face when you kissed his scar, closing his eyes at the feeling while holding tightly onto your shirt as if you would go anywhere. Feeling you place felt your soft lips on his own partially chapped ones he was like putty in your hands, practically liquefying.
When you pulled away you giggled at the residue of gloss that came from your lips and that was now all over Eli's face and his own lips, smiling as the boy rubbed his thumb across his bottom lip, his shoulders rising and falling while he panted softly.
"So no, there's no boy in this valley I'd rather be with." You confirmed, wrapping your arms and he laid back allowing you to lay your head against his chest, finding a sort of comfort listening to his heartbeat.
You hummed softly, reaching a hand up to play with the tuffs of his hair and the two of you laid there in comfortable silence and you peered up to stare at him to see that he was already staring at you.
"You...You really mean it? All that stuff you said earlier?" He questioned, his voice coming off as a whisper and you lifted your head up.
You sat up on his lap, furrowing your brows at him while staring at him with an incredulous expression. "Do I need to repeat myself? Kisses and all?"
"I...I don't know...I don't think I really got it." Eli gave a sheepish smile, messing with the hem of your shirt."
"Maybe...uhm...a couple more kisses and it might click?" He quietly suggested and stared up at you through his eyelashes, his lips parting a bit.
And how could you say no to such a pretty face like that?
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neonpaperlanterns · 2 months
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Hii! I have a not-so-detailed request! Hope you don't mind! Can you do Dogday (already with his legs stiched) with a short reader? I think that standing he'd be pretty tall, so let's say reader barely reaches to his chest. Reader is not a child, though! It's just that DogDay is inhumanely tall, and that combined with someone who struggles to reach for stuff that's higher up than usual makes the size difference pretty evident. Thank you!
[A/n: I derived part of this story from personal experience. My partner is taller than me and while logically I know those bowls fit better on the top shelf it doesn't make it any better.]
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Too Big and Too Small
“You did this on purpose.” You’re standing in your kitchen, staring up at your cupboard. You had come in here because you had wanted something sweet. There were cookies on the bottom shelf, you distinctly remember putting them there because you knew you would want them soon. But somehow the box has made its way up to the tippy top. 
Which inherently wouldn’t be a problem but your step stool is conveniently missing. 
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Narrowing your eyes you cut a glance at what you're sure is DogDay’s faux innocent expression. Or at least you intended to but instead your gaze settled on the faded yellow fur of his chest. Your lips purse as you lean your head backwards. He’s smiling at you, ears perked and tail swishing back and forth languidly. 
The sight made your lip twitch. He looked so happy and sweet. It was making it difficult to hold onto your indignation. But you were gonna try. 
Putting your hand on your hip you used the other to point accusingly at the cookies.
“You put those up there.” It was said as a statement.
“Pfft, no. Why would I do that? I bet it was Kissy.” He waved his hand about, deflecting.
“Kissy would never.” She might but you weren’t going to agree with him. “And don’t say Poppy because even with the stepstool she couldn’t reach.” You watched as his face lit up.
“Then maybe it was a joint effort.” DogDay bounced on the balls of his feet. Clearly this was the only explanation because he would never do something like this. It’s getting harder to hide your amusement. Realistically how could you ever be annoyed when he looked this happy? The answer was you couldn’t. 
But!
You really did want those cookies.
“Alright, sure, whatever,  whether the girls did this or not. Could you help me? ” You heard him chuckle, it was a pleased sound. Like he got away with his mischief. Which you guess he was getting away with it, considering. 
DogDay beamed as he bounded over to the cupboard. He easily reached the top shelf. Honestly he was almost too big for the kitchen. His head nearly brushed the ceiling and he had to hunch over to get through doorways. Really your home wasn’t suitable for him or Kissy. Maybe you should move? Find a better place for them. One where they could move around freely. Where they could go outside without concern. 
“Here ya go Angel.” DogDay chirped, bringing you out of your thoughts. He held out the box of cookies proudly. 
“If ya need me to get anything else for you, no task is too tall.” a large hand came down to encompass your head, ruffling your hair. You smiled though you had to wonder if he put anything else where you couldn’t reach. Not that you minded. 
If putting things where you couldn’t get them and playing your knight in shining armor made him happy, you weren’t going to ruin that for him.
“Thank you. Could you go grab Poppy and Kissy. I got something I want to ask you guys." Nodding vigorously, DogDay took off down the too narrow hallway. Figure hunched as he rounded the corner, disappearing in to the rest of the house.
Yeah moving was a good idea. They deserved it after all.
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ashleyhuh · 4 months
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How depressing the "good ol' bad times" really were and hints at something more sinister with Mrs. Graves
The lemon muffin flashback that Ashley witnesses really gives us a glimpse into their childhood and how poorly they were treated by their parents especially Ashley. The flashback brings us back to before Nina's death and really show how absolutely fucked Ashley's position was in life at that time. Staring depressingly at a birthday card and asking Andrew why mom can never afford anything when her birthday comes around despite clear signs the family can afford Andrew a birthday.
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Another small hint as well to how deep this favoritism runs is when Andrew talks about his allowance. It's clear to us that Ashley doesn't have an allowance despite Andrew having and while they are 2 years apart I don't think that can fully explain Ashley's lack of it as well. Mrs. Graves clearly sees Ashley as not worthy of an allowance and therefore doesn't deserve one.
One thing that I really appreciate in this scene is Andrew's willingness to help cheer up his sister and to make her birthday at least a little less depressing. Ashley's "friends" never making time for her as well really cemented in her brain how much she needs Andrew as he was the only one that would even consider doing what he did for her. Ashley at the end of the flashback telling Andrew she wishes Andrew lost all of his friends and never found love wasn't some sort of manipulative tactic, but both a subconscious cry for help and her wishes to be with the only person that cares about her forever.
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This whole sequence really puts into perspective Ashley's mindset and how harshly it was shaped from childhood. From an early age she was taught that nobody cares about her except her brother which is why she is so attached to him and willing to do anything to keep him around.
Part of this too gives us small hints to how also she became such a "problem child" to Mrs. Graves. Ashley, due to her neglect, probably wasn't punished ever, just ostracized and yelled at by her mom. Speaking from personal experience from my own childhood usually when a parent doesn't want to deal with a "problem child" they usually resort to tactics like making the older sibling pacify them instead not matter what the other was doing. However did Ashley ever really think of what she did wrong if her reward was getting time with Andrew? Of course not, however depressive thoughts can really be seen to manifest when she is alone as she doesn't have her Andy to help distract her from how isolated and hated she feels. This only rewarded her behavior and let other thoughts begin to take shape like how she dealt with Nina. A child doesn't just suddenly think to use someone's death as leverage to control another. It's learned. Thoughts like that spawn from maternal trauma and the action of "locking someone away until they learn to behave." is a natural extension of ostracization with how isolated Ashley felt, it's natural to start developing and agreeing with those feelings as natural progression to be with the one she loves most. Forever.
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catsfor2 · 1 year
Text
hit me, pt 1
word ct.: 2.3k, largely unedited gen: boxer!ellie x med student!reader au!!!, reader is a barista, ellie is mean (she has her reasons), reader is a pretty princess femme because i said so, also ellie says dyke (because i said so)(but not in this chapter lol) warnings: swearing/language, age diff (reader is 19 ellie is 23), drug use (alcohol), eventual smut, angst
a/n: this chapter is a kinda slow start, i mostly just wanted write some establishing dialogue type stuff. i want this to be a medium length ish fic. definitely nsfw in the future. i’m also going to (attempt) to have a more organized pov switching order? idk maybe each part switches between ellie and reader or maybe 1 switch per part? idk. lmk what u think. if you like my writing pls interact on this post or even visit my blog to submit a hc, drabble, or fic idea! requests are open
a/n 2: also, thank you sm to everyone who voted on the poll!!! will totally be doing more of those in the future
part 1.5
You were so drunk. Like, so fucking drunk. Legs wobbling and cheeks flushed, an idiot could notice how intoxicated you were. Hanging off of your friends and approaching strangers. A mess, is what you looked like. You'd learned to restrict yourself over the years, as your friends have informed you of all of the humiliating behaviors you exhibit drunk.
You weren't too worried about anything, though. It's your first night drinking in a while—you're up at university now. Rarely do you get to join Dina and her friends by actually consuming the alcohol—you usually just pass. However, tonight, you wanted to get fucked up. You wanted to forget. Fortunately Dina's a good host, and an even better friend. If anyone was going to be holding your hair back at the end of the night, it would probably be her.
The very first thought you had was holy shit, this is not Dina holding my hair. You shouldn't say 'holding', really. Whoever's hand was in your hair was gripping, hard.
"Shut up, you're fine. Here—drink. No, not sip, drink." A voice directs, bringing a cold cup of water to your mouth.
The first sip is disgusting, the stale tastes of alcohol on your tongue washing down your throat.
Oh Christ, is this one of Dina's friends? How do I not remember her? And her...huge shoulders?
"Seriously—fuckin' drink or I'll make you." The same voice says, meaner and harsher. This person talked to you like you were an animal.
The hand that clutches your hair lets go, and surprisingly gently, rakes over your head a few times to smooth it out. You absentmindedly lean into the touch, too far past the threshold to stop yourself.
The hand moves to your nape as you start to drink, cradling. Her fingers just barely reach around the sides of your neck.
You hesitantly gulp about half the glass of water before the brunette puts it back on the counter.
"Ewwww, is that sink water?" You whine, your face scrunching.
"What, it's not good enough for you? You want Fiji? Fuck is the problem?"
Her tone sobers you up for a moment, locking your eyes to the tiles. You couldn't look at someone while they yelled at you.
Slouching on the floor while she hovers over you, you pull the edges of your dress over your folded legs, only just now feeling the bareness. Your hands stay clutched in the fabric.
"Are you done now?" She says. Rudely, you think. She could've meant 'done' with your vomiting or with your complaining, you weren't quite sure.
"Yeah...I think so. Thank you. Um, really, thank you." You try to say, still feeling stuffy and weighted from all the liquor in your system. She looks at you so intensely you turn your head to escape her gaze.
"Dina asked me to." She takes a damp towel and wipes around your face. "Plus you're so drunk it's a fuckin' liability."
"I'm—m'sorry. Who are you? I've never seen you at one of Dina's...things...before, I don't think."
Her hand stills, wet rag still in it. Her eyes hold yours for a moment, closely and intensely, before darting away again.
“Yeah, you haven’t.”
She rolls up her sleeves before wiping over your collarbones and you spot her tattoo. It takes your gaze up the length of her arms, and you simply let your eyes wander over her figure for as long as you want.
"You should probably throw that dress away. Y'got shit all over it now." She states.
Well.
You look down and see that the moisture on your dress has made it completely see through. Your arm moves to drape across your chest to cover your vibrantly patterned bra and your breasts awkwardly spilling out of it.
"Come on, that's jus mean," you complain. "...ignoring me like that. Please, please, pleeease tell me your name..." Your voice is drunken, high-pitched, and definitely annoying. The woman in front of you grimaces.
"No."
"Why not?" You giggle a bit. "I'll tell you mine."
It was kind of your specialty. Annoying people. Her eyebrows shift downwards. No response.
"Hm, ok. I'll ask Dina." You say, a tiny smile trying to break through your face.
"Do it. See if I give a fuck."
"Woooaahhhh, somebody's got a bee in her bonnet! Who peed in your wheaties?"
"You did. And you're at least sixty-fucking-years-old for even saying that," She tosses the rag behind her and puts her hands on her knees to stand all the way up. "y/n."
Your face lights up an in instant. You scramble to your feet.
"How--how do you know mine? But I can't know yours!?"
"Just how it is. I have to go now." She says, throwing her khaki jacket on her back.
"But--hey, hold on, I don't have a ride home anymore! Everyone's left by now!"
"Not my problem. Call your fucking boyfriend or something." She barks, hands now defensively in her pockets.
A laugh promptly bursts out of you, and you impulsively reach out to grasp her shoulder. Your fingers brush over the collar of her jacket.
"O-kay," you quip, "hold on--cause, I don't have a boyfriend, silly," Her eyes bore into yours as your face draws even nearer. "I'm a lesbian..." You whisper giddily, as if it's something only she gets to know.
Her eyes flit away from you as her mouth purses and flattens, like she's contemplating on how to deal with you. In a moment her pupils are locked with yours again.
"Wow, so fucking special, aren't you, princess?" Her last word is a little less bold, less certain than the rest, like it wasn't entirely intentional. You blush, full body and wholeheartedly.
Princess. Princess?
Your grin widens uncontrollably, and you feel yourself giving in to the hazy pleasure of the alcoholic buzz in your blood. Your hands palm your own thighs as you speak.
"Oh...princess? I like that. I've never—I've never been...called that, before. Before now." You breathe out, eyes fluttery and tired.
She didn't snap at you immediately this time. No, instead, she begins to smile. A lazy, smug, confident smile that burns your stomach.
"You're gonna be real fuckin' embarrassed when you remember this tomorrow. Fuckin'—prissy bitch like you acting all shameless."
“You don’t know who I am,” You mutter, brushing a piece of hair behind your ear. "and this? This is not shameless. Do you wanna see shameless? What that actually looks like?" You ask, voice quiet on purpose.
"...No. Fuck no." She denies, that microscopic crack of a smile still evident on her face.
She's very pretty when she smiles. Sooooo pretty.
"You swear way too much, you know that?"
"No, I didn't fucking know that."
Her eyes don't leave yours, like she's waiting for something. Finally, something breaks.
The hand that was resting on the doorknob jiggles it open and she stands in the frame for a moment, just staring. Her compelling eyes force your words out.
"Ok but before you go. One question. Just—just one question.”
"What."
You freeze. What did you want to ask her? You remember it being something about her age.
“Well fucking spit it out. I’m trying to leave.” She urges.
Before you can even recall, another thought appears in your head.
"Okay, okay. Call me princess again? Pleeease? Just once before you go. I don't even want a ride anymore.” You take a glance at the bathroom. “I'll just...sleep… here." You whisper, a little upset thinking about how after this woman leaves, you'll be standing in this bathroom, alone.
"..."
She steps forward, mostly expressionless, pulling up the straps of your dress to cover some cleavage you didn't realize was showing. Your face heats shamefully.
She lets out a sigh.
"Dina has a pull-out in the basement. There's another bathroom down there too if y'need it. Go to bed," Her eyes scan you up and down so quickly you almost miss it. "and finish that glass of water."
With that, the door shuts behind her.
And she's gone.
_____________
You did end up talking to Dina about the person you met last night. Around noon, of course, as you both had slept through the entirety of morning.
"Wait...that's Ellie? Are you fucking serious?!" You clamor, barely comprehending what she’s saying.
The person who helped you out last night knew you, and it also happened to be Ellie. You wanted to hit yourself. Knock yourself out. Be unconscious.
"I thought you knew! She doesn't look that different."
"Dina. I haven't seen her in four years, cut me some slack. And she has like—a whole new energy now. It's....different."
She smirks at you. "...Different?"
"I—yes, different. I know I'm not wrong. I'm not."
The last time you saw Ellie, she was 19 and you were 16. You hadn't come out yet, and hung off of your asshole boyfriend's arm for as long as you could when he was around. Ellie hated the guy. You were insufferable, but Dina must've seen through it enough to befriend you. You’re eternally grateful.
Ellie is a family friend of Dina's, so naturally your paths crossed pretty frequently back then. Until two days before her 20th birthday, when she ran away only with plane tickets and a plan to 'elope' with her girlfriend of three months. They broke up a month later.
You haven't seen her since—excluding last night, of course.
"Oh—oh, fuuuuck. Dina, I know why she was so mean to me last night." Your hands reach up and you drop your face into them.
"She was mean? You didn't say that, the hell?"
"Yes—she was mean, Jesus Dina, keep up. Listen I didn't even recognize her. Like, at all. I kept asking for her fucking name, like, over and over and over again! Oh god, she probably thinks I'm such an asshole." You sulk, rerunning the things you said and did last night in your head.
"Yeah, she totally does."
"No! shut up! You're not helping. How was I supposed to--? She has these arms now, she didn't have those three years ago! And her shoulders? They're so much...wider!" You exclaim, bewildered by this entire situation.
"Hah, ok--"
You cut Dina off.
"And the tattoo, oh my god the tattoo! She's basically unrecognizable!"
"Calm the fuck down, perv. She got a new job three years ago and it just changed her a bit. She does a lot of...physical stuff, now. But she's basically the same, I swear."
"Yeah? Ok. That's...reassuring, I guess..." You say, half truthful. Dina looks at you with something you can't identify. "so...what job."
"Uhhhh—well, not my place to say. You'll...definitely have to ask her. Yourself." Dina winces, trying her best to not let out more info than she should.
"Hm. This is getting...less and less reassuring as you go on. But, thank you Dina."
"So you want her number?" She grins, holding up her phone.
"Are you kidding me." You reject. "I do not text first. You know that."
“You freak, not for that,” Dina shakes her head. “but so you guys can fucking make up and not hate each other, maybe?”
She laughs before getting right on her phone and looking for Ellie's contact.
"I'll just send your number to hers then, jeez."
"No, don't do that either. If Ellie's all upset I couldn't tell who she was, she can be a big girl and tell it to my face. And I don't even care if you tell her I said that. Honestly."
Dina looks up at you. Eyes unmoving and apathetic.
"Both of you are so fucking dramatic. Don't think I'm on your side or her's at this point. I’m completely out of this.”
She throws her phone on the couch before tossing her whole body on it as well. She grabs the remote to turn on the TV.
“Oh shit,” Dina laughs.
“What?”
“Ellie’s gonna fuckin’ flip when she finds out you’re gay now,” Dina says with an acute smile.
I already, accidentally, drunkenly told her. Problem fucking solved, you think.
“Ok? Why’s that?”
“Oh, no reason. Just, pure shock, probably.”
“Yeah, that makes sense,” You respond lightly. “…I guess she still pictures the me from highschool, right?”
“Is that your way of asking me if she still hates your ex-boyfriend? Cause yeah, trust me, she does—”
An impeding stream of knocks cut her off. You both whip your heads towards the sound.
The door swiftly opens and in steps Ellie.
Nobody speaks for a few seconds.
“…I have coffee. Thanks for leaving the door unlocked, morons,” Her leg kicks backwards and loudly shuts it. “I hope you get fuckin’ robbed one of these times.”
She walks ahead and hands a hot cup to Dina, and then, to you.
Her thumb rubs along the inside of the carabiner clipped to the loop of her jeans. There’s a smidge of silence before she looks up, only really looking at you.
“I need to show you something.”
And that’s all she says. No context, no elaboration.
“Uh—now?” You question, still in the beat up makeup from last night and hair sticking in all different directions. You couldn’t go out in public like this.
“Uh, yes, now.” She unclips the carabiner and spins it around her pinky. “Let’s go.”
“But what if—what if I have plans?”
“Do you?”
“Well no, but I’d like to at least—”
“Jesus Christ both of you are like this? Here: your hair looks great, your makeup is perfect, your boobs are huge. Can we fucking leave now?” She tells you, completely causing you to forget anything you were saying.
In a moment of panic, you glance at Dina.
Her eyebrows and shoulders only give a limp shrug, as if to say, ‘I don’t know what this is about, but you’re on your own!’
Naturally.
“Yeah, we can leave,” you take a sip of your coffee. “…Ellie.”
The second you say her name, her head is turned to you. Her eyebrows creasing and eyes unwilling to break your gaze. So now you know what the stare was about.
You wonder if your cluelessness last night genuinely hurt her. Made her feel unwanted. Unknown. You felt like shit. You just hope she doesn’t feel similar as you do right now.
She says nothing.
And in that silence, with Ellie cutting in front to get the door for you, you leave.
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cuubism · 2 months
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I'd love something about Dream who's very aware that he's way too intense romantically while also being not intense enough sexually because he's ace. His partners usually prefer it the other way around. If that's something you'd be willing to write (if not that's okay too)
hmm yes, we can always do ace dream. though we didn't quite reach 'aware' 😂 human uni au is what popped to my mind
--
When Hob gets back from class, Dream is lying facedown on the couch, one long arm trailing morosely down to the floor, face smashed so deeply into a pillow that Hob can only see the tufts of his hair. He seems to have been there for some time, and doesn't move when Hob comes in.
"Horrors insurmountable today?" Hob asks as he puts down his bag and heads to the adjoining kitchen to grab a snack. He'll probably need to grab one for Dream, too, now that he thinks about it. Doubtful he's eaten.
Dream just makes an mmph sound against his pillow. Then, once Hob's returned to the living room with a plate of apple slices, Dream pops his head up, lines all over his cheek from the pillow, fluffy hair going every which way, and says, "How much do you care about sex?"
Hob nearly trips and flings his apple slices everywhere. "What?"
"In general," Dream persists, heedless of Hob's shock. "Do you subscribe to the belief that individuals past puberty, particularly men, think about sex constantly, or is that an exaggeration? Which do you think is more important in a partnership: compatible personalities, or compatible sex drives? And why?"
"What is this, a sociology assignment?"
"Answer, please," Dream insists.
Hob sighs and gives in to the mad questioning. Joke's on him for having an insane roommate. "I thought about sex all the time when I was thirteen, maybe. Right now I'm just thinking about how I haven't eaten since breakfast and I'm fucking starving but we're playing Twenty Questions instead of eating. And as to the second one, I don't know, Dream, I think both are probably important."
"So you think about sex an amount you would consider 'frequent'," Dream presses.
Hob's cheeks heat. Sex is not really a topic he wants to discuss with Dream of all people. Those two thoughts don't meld together into anything good for polite company. "I don't know, I guess!? Doesn't everyone?"
Dream lets out a despairing wail and thumps his head back into his pillow. "I am outnumbered."
Hob still has no idea what the hell he's on about. He finally gives up and just starts eating the apple slices. He offers one to Dream, holding it by the corner of his eye until he finally sees it and takes it, turns his head to the side just enough to start nibbling on it.
"You'll choke if you eat that lying down," Hob warns.
Dream begrudgingly pushes himself up, collapsing against the back of the couch, and goes back to nibbling on his apple slice.
"So," Hob continues, awkwardly, when Dream doesn't say anything else, "sex life not going so well, then?"
Dream glares at him, though it's not very intimidating considering the apple halfway into his mouth. "Too well, by most standards," he finally sniffs, and eats the rest of the slice.
"Oh, yeah?" Dream having sex is another thing Hob doesn't really like to think about. Why'd he bring that up again?
"Indeed. I have suitors falling over each other to bed me," Dream says.
Do all classic literature students talk the way Dream does? Hob doesn't know. It's been two years that they've lived together and he's still yet to definitively figure out if it's an affectation or just the way Dream is. He's leaning towards the latter.
Unfortunately, he can believe Dream's statement. Dream is a snitty little prick most of the time, but he's also unbearably beautiful.
"So what's the problem, then?" he asks.
"I don't want them to bed me," Dream says.
Hob's not following. "Say no, then?"
Dream rolls his eyes. "I don't want them to bed me, I want them to want me." His voice loses some of its determination halfway through the sentence, and he looks away.
Ouch. "Sounds like they do want you?"
Dream snorts. "Only so long as it suits them. Only so long as I fit their parameters. Today I spoke to Cori--"
Ah, yes, Cori, Dream's most recent ex-boyfriend. Dream's had a lot of ex-boyfriends, but Cori really tops the list, and not in a good way.
Now that Hob thinks about it, all of Dream's relationships kind of go the same way. Dream comes home after the first date bouncing off the walls with stars in his eyes insisting this person's the one, and within two months the thing's somehow torpedoed into the Underworld and Hob's scraping Dream up off the bathroom floor.
He's starting to see where the initial line of questioning might have come from.
"--and he, at last, was straightforward with me when no one else has bothered to be all this time. I demanded to know, truthfully, why he ended things, and he told me that I 'care too much, but won't put out'--"
Hob winces.
"--which does not make sense, as we had sex frequently? I do not know what else I am meant to be 'putting' and where. I said as much, and he laughed, and said--" he imitates Cori's voice with a surprisingly passable American accent-- "'It only counts if you at least pretend you want to be there, doll. Next time try initiating occasionally.' He left before I could question him further."
Hob doesn't like the picture this is painting. And Dream is looking at him beseechingly, like Hob might be able to explain the bizarre encounter. "So... now you're trying to figure out if your understanding of sex is wrong or something?"
"I felt that, as a neutral observer to the situation, you would be appropriate to survey," Dream says.
(Neutral is a stretch, Hob thinks.)
"So I ask you, Hob Gadling, as a man demonstrably unbothered by 'hookup culture'--"
"Are you calling me a slut?"
"--what do you think is the correct amount that one should care about sex? Because I--" he breaks off, twisting his fingers in his hair, suddenly anxious-- "I do not know what I am doing wrong."
Hob moves to sit beside him, lays a hand lightly on his arm. He's about to say, you're not doing anything wrong, except... that may not precisely be true. At least in terms of how Dream is actually handling it with his partners.
"How much do you care about sex?" he asks.
"Not as much as I am supposed to, evidently," Dream says. Hob just waits for him to elaborate. "Not very much. I prefer not to think about it." He looks at Hob, weary. "Now you will tell me that this is abnormal."
"I don't know what's 'normal'," Hob says. "But it does sound different from how Cori felt about it."
"I suppose," Dream says, sadly.
Hob doesn't particularly like where the intersection of 'I don't care about sex' and 'we had sex all the time' lands him. "If you don't care that much, why keep doing it?"
"It is what is done, is it not?" says Dream. "Besides. I do not mind so much. But even when I do participate, it is still not good enough. Or so it seems."
It's because they're picking up on the fact that you're not really enjoying it, Hob thinks. No one wants a partner who's not engaging. Least not anyone decent. But not saying anything and then just dipping out suddenly is kind of a dickish move, in his opinion.
"Do you want to participate?" he asks.
This seems to give Dream pause. "Mostly I would prefer to do other things. Like. Dates. Only that does not seem much appreciated either." He twists his hands together. "Perhaps Cori is right. I. Care too much."
"No." Hob takes Dream's hands and untwists them. "Cori's a dickhead. You just need to find someone who's on the same page as you, that's all."
"But it seems that book is rather empty," Dream says. He hasn't taken his hands back from Hob.
"Well, was there anyone that you did like having sex with? Or has it always just been--" he can't help but cringe-- "you just putting up with it because you thought you were supposed to?"
"Calliope," Dream says instantly, and Hob lets out a relieved breath. At least it's not all bad. "Because, no matter that it ended poorly... I felt that she truly liked me. And not. Just sex."
"Okay, see?" he says. "You just have to find someone like that."
It... hurts, to try to push Dream into someone else's path. But Hob's long accepted that Dream doesn't feel that way about him. Dream rarely seems hesitant about trying to date anyone he is interested in. Surely if he felt that way about Hob, he would have made it clear by now.
"Someone," Dream echoes, looking down at their joined hands.
"Just because what you want isn't common doesn't mean it's not out there," Hob says, trying to be encouraging. "And hey, if you know now, you can avoid the whole 'not on the same page' rigamarole, hm?"
"Yes," Dream says. "I suppose so." Finally he takes back his hands, instead taking another apple slice from the plate Hob's left on the coffee table and chewing on it slowly.
I would love you right, Hob thinks, unwanted, unbidden. It's not a productive thought, and it's a painful one, too.
"Perhaps I will take a break," Dream decides, though doesn't sound entirely happy about it.
"Could be good," Hob says. "Get your head on right."
"Yes," Dream agrees. "This has been. Illuminating. I thank you for your counsel. I suppose I will have to also thank Cori, 'dickhead' though he may be."
And with that he retreats to his room, still seeming a little off-kilter. And Hob can't help but feel like he's gone wrong somewhere, said something wrong, though he doesn't know where, or what.
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whole-circus · 10 months
Text
Creepypastas and small things they would do for you when you depressed!
➥ Jeff the Killer, Homicidal Liu, Eyeless Jack, Masky, Ben Drowned, "Ticci" Toby Hi, please dont be scared to get help if you feel like you need it - obvious thing but your feelings valid and you matter so much! And my DMs are always open! >:)
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.•┈••✦ 🖤 ✦••┈•.
☆ Jeff the Killer
Okay, Jeff isn't the best when it comes to comforting people, even if he really cares about them. He feels lost and has no idea what to do, but seeing you all miserable makes his heart break. Thats why I think he would do small acts of service. Don't expect a lot from him - he loves you, but he really is so awkward.. Thats why he brings you meals (he can't cook for shit), open the window in your room and let some air to it, he even clean around! Jeff also loves to spoil you! He know that he isn't the most affectionate, so he gives you a lot of small gifts! Maybe nice looking rocks, flowers, jewlery stolen from his victims....all romantic! Also things that reminds you of him! The one based on your personality, likes and stuf!! And dont even try to say that you dont deserve all that.. because deep down you mean everything to Jeff! Come on, there is a reason why he keept you alive, huh?
☆ Homicidal Liu
Absolute sweetheart when it comes to comforting you! You had a rough, long day? Even worse than normally? He is right here with you, doing his best. You just wanna seat in silence? Too tired to talk? Liu will be here. No sign of judgement on his face, just his typical soft and full of compasion smile. If you feel okay with him touching you, he would hold your hand or offer you a hug. No worries, you can stay in his soft embrace as long as you need it - its just you both agaist the world. He just want to make sure that you know he is here for you. Liu would talk about all things you are worried, trying to find solution if its possible, but he is also not too pushy when it comes to that. And no matter how you feel now, or if you will yell and cry, pushing him away - he is always here to got your back.
☆ Eyeless Jack
Jack is just another person with this comforting aura. At the end of hard day, you can't help but want cuddle to him and sob into his arms..And Jack is a great listener, always wanting to make you feel that your suffer is visible and heard! Thats why he is the best person to come vent to, or maybe just stay in his presence if you are too tired to talk! He doesn't talk too much, but he can if you want. Always ready to say something to cheer you up, and he doesn't make this stupid comments like "you dont look depressed" or "yeah same lol"! You are his everything and if you need a bit of help? Thats what relationship is all about, he doesnt mind at all! Just cuddle to him, tell him every thought of yours while he caress your head and gently rock back and forth!
☆ Masky
If Masky really does care about you (no worries, he does) he will be great when it comes to taking care about your body. Depression suck and we all know that well. Sometimes it takes away all of your energy and motivation, and its harder to take care of yourself. Thats why you have him! Masky would look after you a lot! He would check if you had eaten - you haven't? He will make you anything to eat, even for you to take small bite becasue you dont have appetite! Have problem with keeping yourself clean? Would help you shower or just clan with wet tissues, brush your teeth and wash your hair. And if your room gets too messy? Has no problem with helping you or just cleaning it by himself. He also keeps an eye on your sleep schedule! Masky doesn't judge - he knows how hard you already have it, and he just want to help. And needing help doesn't make you weak!
☆ Ben Drowned
Listen, Ben is such a dummy and cutie..he would try to make you laugh so bad..! He isnt doing it in this insistent, annoying way - he just do everything he can to make you smile! Cracking more jokes than usually, doing silly faces or you two could watch some silly video with cats/dogs...doesnt matter, he just try so much! He is also good person to stay in home with. He totally gets if you dont feel like socializing and going out, he already made you both a place so you could either play with him or just watch him play. Doesnt matter if you wanna talk, or if small-talk makes you annoyed and you just prefer to seat in silence. Big cuddle bug, so if that makes you feel better then he couldnt ask for more! Ben literally wants to make you feel even slightly better, but he also understand what you are going through and will always be by your side!
☆ "Ticci" Toby
As I said many many times, Toby is curious one - always ready to explore and do some fun stuff. And that makes him the perfect guy to make your days a bit brighter! Toby wants to be here for you, trying his best to get you out of bed and try new hobbies with you. When you are depressed its so easy to get into a routine, and just suffer from sadness and bad thoughts, laying in bed all day and starring at ceiling! And Toby doesn't want that silly! So no matter what is it- baking, cocking, some sport or artsy stuff - he loves that! But no worries, if you dont have that much energy, he will gladly stay with you in home, cuddling and watching movies. Its hard to be bored around him, he has some calming aura around. He understands that he won't make your deprresion dissapear, but Toby wants to make your days even a bit better.
.•┈••✦ 🖤 ✦••┈•.
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saey707 · 6 months
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OMG A LEAGUE WRITING BLOG.. Honestly you’ve partially inspired me to make one!!! I love your works so far :)
But! In the meantime, the S/H comfort you wrote for Kayn was so beautiful! So I wanted something similar with Aphelios with a touch that’s a little more personal to me! if possible i’d like to request heartsteel Aphelios with his s/o (who May or May not be chubby, depending on your preference) struggling with an eating disorder? thank you in advance!
✿ Prompt: Aphelios worships you ✿
♡ champion focus: aphelios ♡ tw: reader w/ low self esteem + ed ♡ Gender-neutral reader
Author's Note: Hi, anon! ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ This was a bit of a difficult subject for me to write, but I still wanted to get something small out nonetheless! I didn't touch too much into the ed, because it is a bit of a touchy subject to me. But I still hope you like what I have in store! ପ(๑•ᴗ•๑)ଓ ♡
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Aphelios knows how to read people like the back of his hand. It's one of his own personal superpowers... Or, more so a catalyst of being unable to speak.
Because of this, he is able to effortlessly observe those around him and know exactly how someone is feeling. He knows how to manipulate people to get what he wants. And worst of all, he knows when someone is lying to him or not. Including you.
That was one of the things you grew to hate about Aphelios. You hated that you could never lie to him.
It took a couple of weeks for Aphelios to realize something was wrong. It was just a matter of figuring out what it was...
You were always so confident and bright. You never cared about how anyone felt about you and never did anything to appease anyone. You did what you wanted when you wanted, which was something that Aphelios loved about you!
Aphelios couldn't help but wonder: Was it him? Did he do something wrong? He thought the two of you had a good relationship, you never had any problems before... It can't possibly be him... Maybe it's the fans? You both did recently come out as a couple! Maybe they were just jealous? Aphelios couldn't see a reason why anyone wouldn't like you right off the bat! But... Could that be the reason??
He had to investigate...
"Did you eat today?" Aphelios typed hastily before holding his phone up. You hummed in response. But he knew you were lying.
"Do you want the other half of my mooncake?" "I'm not hungry right now, Phel. but thank you!" He knew you were lying.
"We're all going to grab dinner, I'll bring you something back!" "You really don't have to! I'll find something here!" Still, he would always bring you something back.
While he was out, Aphelios took the opportunity to turn to his friends for help, which was extremely unlike him. Aphelios usually kept to himself, so it came as a surprise to everyone in the group when he asked for them to look around and see if they could find anything.
And when they did, Aphelios couldn't help but feel a wave of regret wash over him. He felt like it was his fault. He felt responsible for the way you felt. Aphelios pushed for you to have a more public relationship with him after all... In a way, he felt like was responsible for destroying your self-confidence.
But that feeling was quick to fade with Yone's reassurance. Instead, Aphelios felt angry. Not at you or himself... But at the entire world for expecting you to change.
You didn't need to change a single thing about yourself. You were nothing short of perfection to Aphelios. And he intended to remind you of it every day from there on out.
As soon as Aphelios got home, he burst through the doors, carrying 5 bags of food and a half-eaten box of chocolates he somehow swiped from the back of Ezreal's car.
"Phel..?" You were caught off guard by your boyfriend unexpectedly engulfing you in a big hug. His shoulders were shaking, giving you the surefire indicator that he was only beginning to cry.
You tried to pull away from him, but he only held on tighter.
Tears poked at the corners of your eyes. You knew.
Aphelios didn't need to speak to convey his love for you. His actions alone did that. That was one of the things you grew to love about Aphelios. You loved how he always knew the precise way to show you how much he loved you.
And you didn't realize how much you needed for him to see the issue at hand until now.
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penncilkid · 24 days
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Been thinking about my experiences as a POC within fandom while also being an artist and how much that sucks sometimes. This is primarily in regards to the Redacted fandom, but could be applied to any other fandom honestly.
Proper "fussing" under the cut (for those who would rather not see):
Sometimes, I really stop and think about what it must be like to be a white person in fandom, especially when you're an artist. To see yourself reflected in the spaces you exist in all the time. There are some exceptions to this, of course. For example, lack of body diversity is just as much of a problem in my opinion (Like fat people exist. Disabled people exist. Fat, disabled people exist. You can draw them, y'know? /rhet) But generally speaking, it's not difficult to find designs that probably look like you. There will be blondes, brunettes, redheads even— It's everywhere you look.
I don't think most people realize how isolating that ends up feeling though.
Because it's not just the fact that most of the art/designs you'll stumble upon won't resemble you. It's the fact that the prevalence dictates how everyone else interacts with fandom too.
Do you know how much it sucks seeing a post saying "So we all agree that Asher's blonde, right?" and knowing that most people are thinking of a white guy and nothing else?
Or noticing how Alexis, a generally "hated" character in the fandom, is the only vampire most people are willing to make visibly brown?
How about the fact that Gavin, the "thrilling" and "sexy" incubus, has so many black and brown designs— But I can count the non-white Lasko designs I've come across on my hand?
People can do whatever they want. I've said it before, and I'll continue to repeat it when I make these rambles. If you want to make every single design you have varying shades of white and never stray from that, that's your prerogative. But for the love of god, I wish I didn't feel like I was fucking crazy for talking about how much that shit sucks to see as a person of color.
On top of that, do you know how frustrating it is to watch white artists get praised for generic diversity when POC artists have been consistently bringing forth such compelling, stunning designs to table? Like I see the kind of shit that gets praised in this fandom and what doesn't. Racial ambiguity or the slightest addition of a curl gets treated like it's revolutionary— And that's only if it's the "correct" character. It has to "make sense", right? The same way Sam has to have sun-kissed, golden skin even after he's been turned, or the way Guy has to be white because there's no way someone with that personality could be anything but.
Do you know what it's like to be filled with such a sense of joy because someone made a design where a character had your skin tone or hair texture or facial feature? Like, I genuinely have a strong reaction whenever I find a black or brown design in this fandom because they're so rare in comparison to everything else. And when I really stop to think about that, I realize how fucked up of a phenomenon that is.
I love the designs that I've made, but I've also noticed which ones "do better" comparably. I don't change much of anything with how I go about posting or promoting them. The only difference is that some of them fit what is considered widely "canon" in fandom. And the others... don't. I go out of my way to make every design POC in some regard, and you can usually tell visually even without the addition of colors. I'm not gonna stop doing that because I know why I started in the first place. But fuck, it does start to hurt seeing white artists with the same general white designs get hyped up endlessly while I internally debate if I should even make another character look like me or not. If it'll even matter to anyone but me.
Some days, I just really wish it didn't feel like shit being black in this fandom. I hate knowing that I'm gonna post this, and I'll probably get responses for other people of color primarily.
But maybe putting this out will help that pill get easier to swallow.
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dreamingcloudie · 1 year
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❛❛ In which; Dottore got turned into a kid... ❜❜
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✎ ❛❛ How's the weather down there, doc? ❜❜
Pairing(s): Dottore x GN!Reader
Genre/Format: Crackfic (oneshot)
Warning(s): Use of Dottore's (speculated) real name
wc: ~1.2k
Notes: Just something random I wrote lol. Saw some art on Pinterest and omg KID DOTTORE IS SO FREAKING ADORABLE AHAKDSHAJAKSJDDOS
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During nights where Dottore would get held up in his lab, you'd sit on the bed and read one of your favorite books as you wait for him to come back. However, today seemed to be… different.
You just finished reading your book and when you looked at the time, it was already way past when Dottore would usually come back. You knew he's a genius man, whatever happened he could easily defuse the problem. But even so, you couldn't help but worry about him sometimes.
Getting up from your bed, you decided to put on a coat before making a trip to where you thought he'd be. As you made your way down to the hallway that leads you to his lab, you could hear a bunch of people arguing, among them a voice higher than the rest stood out.
"What do you mean you can't fix it?!"
"I've read every piece of research paper and I couldn't find anything!"
"Skill issue."
"Oh my Tsaritsa, all of you shut your damn mouths! You're giving me a headache!"
"You're a goddamn clone you can't even get a headache!"
All the voices quickly disappeared when you knocked on the door. Not waiting for a response, you grabbed the door handle and entered the lab.
"Dear? Is everything alright—"
You stopped talking as soon as you saw the mess in his lab. Papers and books were scattered across the room; vials that held unknown liquids were hastily put on the counter; shards of glass were shattered on the floor.
And the very person you were looking for was nowhere in sight.
What caught your attention the most were Dottore's segments that now had their gaze on you, gathering around in a circle in the middle of the room. They were standing pretty close to one another to the point where their shoulders touched so you weren't able to see past what their towering figures were blocking from your view.
After a few minutes of staring, you managed to mutter out, "Uh, what… happened here?"
One of the younger segments—Delta, who wore a black and white mask spoke up, "Nothing to worry about, darling! Aren't you supposed to be in your room right now? What brings you here?"
"Well, Prime is taking longer than usual to come back so I decided I'd come to check on him. Speaking of which, where is he anyway?" You asked, getting a bit closer to the group.
Upon the mention of Prime, all of the segments looked a bit more visibly stressed.
Before you got too close, Theta (another younger segment), who was reading through some papers nearby, stepped in front of you with a smile.
"Oh, you know, Prime is doing his usual, um, Prime… things…?" His sentence ended with a nervous chuckle.
"Oh really?" You crossed your arms.
They were definitely hiding something.
Walking around Theta, you attempted to approach the group once more. Before you could do that, Theta stepped in front of you again.
"Why- Why don't I escort you back to your room, dear? It's two in the morning and I'm pretty sure you're tired."
"I will go back when I make sure Prime is alright."
"He is—"
You gently pushed past Theta while the other segments were trying to convince you to not get close to them.
But to their horror, you managed to squeeze through their bodies and look at what they were hiding.
You gasped.
In the middle, there sat a kid who looked to be ten with short blue fluffy hair and a pair of huge red eyes. His arms were crossed and he looked grumpy.
He looked almost exactly like the other younger segments, albeit his obviously smaller size and had a rounder face.
As far as you'd know, Dottore never had a child segment of himself, maybe this was the first one?
"Aww, who's this little guy?" You asked while picking who you assumed to be a segment, flailing his arms.
"That's um—"
"Who's the cutest boy? Yes you are! Yes you areee~" You cooed, holding him with one arm while the other was pinching his cheek as he whined.
"Stahp. Pwinching. Me!" His words slurred a little due to you squishing his face.
As you were too busy focusing on the boy, Omega came over to you and blurted out:
"That's Prime, dear."
"...huh?" Upon hearing what he said, your eyes widened and all of your movements ceased.
"Gah! Finally, now let me talk!" The boy exclaimed.
But before he could say anything, you turned your head back to him.
"...Zandik?"
"Yes, that's me, (Y/n)."
Silence filled the air as the both of you stared at each other. Only for it to be broken when you laughed.
"What— BWAHAHAHA WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!"
"I— Stop laughing!"
But how could you take him seriously when he sounded so cute? His usually deep voice and intimidating demeanor was completely gone.
And that was something that happened two hours ago, you were now back at your room as you watched Dottore doodle on a piece of paper with his crayons.
He had explained that he was still himself. But since he was now a kid, it didn't come as a surprise that he'd also have the mindset of one too.
"We couldn't find a way to turn him back immediately, we'll have to wait it out."
"For how long?"
"No idea."
You closed your eyes as you sighed, recalling the conversation you had with the segments earlier. God knows how long it'd be before Dottore would turn back to his regular self.
Someone tugged on one of your sleeves and you opened your eyes, Dottore was holding up a piece of paper, proudly showing you what he had drawn.
"Oh wow! That's a nice drawing, love! Is that… um, someone strapped to a… table?" You squint your eyes, trying to make out what these messy lines depicted.
"An operation table, to be exact! This is what will happen to those stupid asses of clones when I turn back to my adult self!"
"Hey, watch your language, mister."
"I'm not a kid!"
"Are you sure about that?"
---
As time passed, you were now reading Dottore a story and tucked him to bed.
"—and so, the prince defeated the evil dragon and saved the princess! Then they lived happily ever after. The end."
"That's lame."
"You'll take what you can get, dear." You told him.
"I could've done a better job at defeating the dragon! With how advanced my creations are, it could literally be destroyed in seconds!" He exclaimed as he put his arms in the air.
"Yes, of course. Now, go to sleep, okay?" You stood up, walking over to the couch.
"Wait!"
You turned back to him and raised a brow.
"Um, sleep with me, please?"
Oh my god those puppy eyes. You thought, trying not to squeal at how freaking adorable he looked. How could you refuse when he was looking at you like that?
Giving him a soft smile in response, you walked over and got into the bed with him. As you laid down next to him, he scooted closer to you and tucked himself into your chest.
"Give me a goodnight kiss too?"
Chuckling at his request, you pressed a little kiss on his forehead, ruffling his hair as you did so.
"Sleep tight now, dear."
"Night night…"
---
Bonus:
Some time during the hours as you were still asleep. You weren't sure if it was a dream or not, but you could've sworn you felt the familiar warmth of someone's arm hugging you close...
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astroyongie · 1 month
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Why Am I This Way - Psychology Answers
Note: hey guys! This will be a little series post mainly based on psychology. In order for me to congratulate myself for finally achieving my masters in clinical psychology I have decided to create these mini posts that will contain different questions that we often ask ourselves. In these questions I will provide psychological answers in which they will hopefully bring you a sense of understanding on yourself! Enjoy!
Note 2: This first Why Am I This Way will be based on the “How Am I” Section. Other sessions will include “Why do I behave this way?”, “How Others see me”, “What's Happening” and “How can I get better?”
This section will have the following parts: “I know I shouldn't but.. can I have another piece of cake?”; “I love to be alone.. am I weird?”; “Why do I procrastinate so much’”; “ Am I really a good person?”; “ I was just joking!”, “Why does it always happen to me?”, “Why do I hate working so much?” and “Should I be more egocentric?” 
With that said, let's dive into it! 
“How Am I” Section
“I know I shouldn't but.. can I have another piece of cake?”
What happens in the unconscious brain: 
Based on Freud’s work, these type of questions that overwhelm us are usually thoughts linked with pent up guilt that is unconsciously working its way out
One thing is clear. Often, we don't realize the things that we think and we don't always understand our actions and our behaviors. When we stop to reflect on it, we are usually stuck in a sense of guilt for doing things that are against our values and morals and yet we cannot understand why we have done things that way. 
Based on the most known theories of Freud, the ID and the superego (based on ID, EGO and SUPEREGO Theory) are actually the ones that are behind these guilty feelings of  “should i do this or not, even if i know that i will regret it later”. 
ID is the mind that is first formed when we are born. It is something rigid on our unconscious, something that is based on the principle of pleasure. The ID is constantly seeking gratification and pleasure in order to smooth our anguish within one self.
The superEgo is different, it is the last thing that is formatted in the unconscious (after the Ego) and it works on the principle of the world’s rules. Basically it is a part of us that comprehends the world around us and it tries to follow the rules and the interdictions that were instructed when we were younger. 
Now this is why many of us struggles with this. Having craving desires about something, and that guilty feeling coming from the Superego because we have internalized that what we want is wrong. 
Someone that has had a harsh childhood, who has been neglected or has seen their rules being too strict will often struggle with this, because they need to have their ID smoothed but they cannot bear the guilt. 
This is what happens: ID wants to be fed with something comforting. Chocolate! so it stays in your head “let's have chocolate!” and the superego will whiplash right after “are you crazy? Having chocolate? you cant even fit in your pants and you want chocolate! you should be ashamed of yourself!”
This is basically how overthinking your worth will work, how one often develops Eating disorders for example or bad relationships with food, but this also happens with social relationships, addictions and any reward system. 
The fear of the outside world usually unleashed that overwhelming anxiety that will after turn into guilt if you give in to your ID or it turns into restrictive punishment if you follow the Superego. 
Many of us will put so much effort into controlling impulsive destructive thoughts  and behaviors in order to muffle the critics of Superego but that often results in depression, anxiety and an affinity with other psychological problems. 
So what can we do?
understand where those desires come from. If your ID is making you crave something, either food, social contact, a new dress, a new drink or anything that it is, ask yourself where this feeling comes from? Are you bored? are you sad? are you upset? Are you overly excited? understanding that process and allowing yourself not to be psychorigid is already a big improvement. find balance between rewarding yourself and being true to your rules. Also stop punishing yourself, You have done nothing wrong. You deserve to be happy and smoothed the same way you deserve to go beyond your addictions
Understand in which you fall. If you are the type to crave in in your desires it means these possibilities: Early trauma ou neglect, environmental stressors, maladaptive coping mechanism,, substance abuse, personality disorders, lack of emotional regulation skills and cultural and social influences 
If you fall in the fragil superego, if you are too strict with yourself, it means these possibilities: weak parental influence, traumatic experience, overly harsh and permissive parenting, lack of role model, cultural influence, early childhood experiences like rejection and personality disorders. 
For those who have balance between giving in desires and restraining, then congrats! You are a rather healthy being
Now that you know this, you have a start on where to work to become a better version of yourself 
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ofbreathandflame · 8 months
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and also just to add one thing my last point:
i think the toxic canon thing really forms a basis for the foundational problems of the series - narrative. its one of the reasons i believe feyre often gets dubbed an 'unreliable narrator.
because in theory - feyre is not made purposely to be unreliable. honestly - the problem is that the story makes feyre's thoughts declarative for the series as whole. feyre tells us one thing, and the story shows us another.
for example: when the story tells us 'tamlin didn't fight for me,' - its implying that tamlin has the tools to do so. bc the story establishes an entirely difference scenario. we learn that (1) amarantha is madly obsessed with tamlin, so she keeps him next to her every night and (2) tamlin doesn't really have skills to navigate utm. what im saying is - feyre says these things about tamlin which are dubbed 'canon' but they don't actually reflect the reality of the situation. the story gives us to no solutions as to how tamlin could have actually helped feyre under the mountain. and i should also add that feyre couldnt have left ANYWAY -- she made a bargain. had she not did her part, the trials, her life would have just been forfeit.
and then on the flip side - we get told that rhys had to bring feyre to those parties and drug her so would forget (which is dubbed canon) but the reality of the scenario doesn't reflect that. rhysand never had to make feyre dance or embarrass her infront of everybody.
why? let's look at the established information:
rhysand disables the guards through his daemati abilities, so feyre is safe in her cell:
“No more household chores, no more tasks,” he said, his voice an erotic caress. Their yellow eyes went glazed and dull, their sharp teeth gleaming as their mouths slackened. “Tell the others, too. Stay out of her cell, and don’t touch her. If you do, you’re to take your own daggers and gut yourselves. Understood?”Dazed, numb nods, then they blinked and straightened. I hid my trembling. Glamour, mind control—whatever it was he had done, it worked. They beckoned—but didn’t dare touch me. Rhysand smiled at me. “You’re welcome,” he purred as I walked out.”
2. feyre is given a hot meal in her cell everyday - which again, establishes her cell as a relatively safe place:
“From that point on, each morning and evening, a fresh, hot meal appeared in my cell. I gobbled it down but cursed Rhysand’s name anyway. Stuck in the cell, I had nothing to do but ponder Amarantha’s riddle—usually only to wind up with a pounding headache. I recited it again and again and again, but to no avail.”
and even after she has to dance every night, this does not change:
“I awoke ill and exhausted each morning, and though Rhysand’s order to the guards had indeed held, the nightly activities left me thoroughly drained.”
so - the whole point of taking feyre out of cell is instantly negated, as her cell was never a place of torture. if anything - the only person actually making her cell a place of horror was rhysand. when he drugs her, she becomes so sick that she can't keep the food down; he leaves her essentially naked in her cell, so she's cold and shivering, and her leaves her so exhausted that she can't even think about the solving the riddle.
3. nuala and cerridwen have the ability to walk through walls and actually usher feyre through utm without ever being seen or caught:
“a tapestry that hadn’t been there a moment before falling over us, the shadows deepening, solidifying. I had a feeling that if someone pulled back that tapestry, they would see only darkness and stone.”
so when we get this line in maf:
“So we endured it. I made you dress like that so Amarantha wouldn’t suspect, and made you drink the wine so you would not remember the nightly horrors in that mountain.”
or his explanation in tar:
“Working Tamlin into a senseless fury is the best weapon we have against her. Seeing you enter into a fool’s bargain with Amarantha was one thing, but when Tamlin saw my tattoo on your arm … Oh, you should have been born with my abilities, if only to have felt the rage that seeped from him.” I didn’t want to think much about his abilities. “Who’s to say he won’t splatter you as well?” “Perhaps he’ll try—but I have a feeling he’ll kill Amarantha first. That’s what it all boils down to, anyway: even your servitude to me can be blamed on her. So he’ll kill her tomorrow,”
none it actually make sense. we are offered several solutions to how rhys could have respectively helped feyre without sexually assaulting her. like for (1) if he wanted her to forget, he could have given her the wine in her cell (2) he didn't have to bring feyre to those parties. amarantha doesn't even remember feyre is there until rhys brings her, and she never finds out about the food or the guards. (3) nuala and cerridwen can actually walk through walls and veil feyre, so whose to say they couldn't have sneaked feyre from utm (4) rhys can mindspeak which means he could have always just talked to feyre without visiting her cell. (3) his plan of 'making tamlin angry makes no sense as the book already established that amarantha was warded against physical attacks, hence why it makes no sense for the story to demonize tamlin for not fighting back as there's no established canon way he could have. it also makes rhysand's display of fighting amarantha pretty much pointless as if he could have just killed her, he would have just done it earlier. its also why i don't forgive the kiss bc the only valid motivation was rhysand's jealousy which literally is why i can never forgive the kiss. he (and tam) put her in the situation by bringing her there in the first place and putting the paint all over her body (and he literally prove that he could altered the paint at any time so it served no benefit but to dehumanize feyre.
soooooo that's what i mean when i say people take canon without factoring into the story as a whole. if the story doesn't actually have things that back up declarative 'canon' statements, its not useful.
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sgiandubh · 5 months
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S on BBC 4's Saturday Live: 'anything but a quiet life'
As you all know, S was today on BBC Four's Saturday Live radio talk show, sharing the scene with people like super male model David Gandy, Catrin Finch - a Welsh harpist of international repute and the ever fascinating Lucy Worsley, a strong contender (along with Mary Beard) for the title of personal favorite (living) historian.
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You can listen (as I dutifully did twice) to it here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m001t96r. I don't know how to embed it on this page, but that shouldn't be a problem.
The show is always interesting and I strongly suggest to let it play along and not rely only on my summing up & comments. I particularly enjoyed Lucy Worsley's Medieval and Baroque musical selection (flawless!) - but enough said, we're here for S, who was live on show from BBC's London studios.
As usually, I am going to transcript it as much as I can, primarily for those reading this post and using Google Translate (@bat-cat-reader, you are served!). So, you will kindly excuse the length, thank you.
At the 07:40 mark, a half jocular mention when prompted by the host: not a cricketer and not a harpist either (you can say many things about S, but not that he's got no humor - always a big plus in my book). But then things quickly get emotional, when he immediately mentions his mother (the question generally asked was 'what did your parents sacrifice for you?'), who 'sacrificed a lot (...) [as] a single parent, (...) she gave us everything, I think'. And then he quickly gets emotional, mentioning Chrissie H. again:
'(...) can I give my mom a shoutout, it's her birthday, on Monday [Nikki Bedi, presenter: 'aww, of course you can!'], so happy birthday, Chrissie, and thank you so much and I wish... I'm glad you never got me a harp, because I would have never dedicated myself. I think that's why I became an actor, because I didn't have to work too hard at one thing.'
It's then David Gandy's turn to talk about his own rural childhood in Billericay (Essex), his close knit family and his parents' endeavor of building a business and the now incomprehensible need to use faxes, something he has now to 'explain to the younger ones'. Then Nikki Bedi turns to S (13:08): 'Sam's laughing at that. Do you remember faxes?' Answer: 'I do.. I mean, I remember faxes getting scripts through or couriers bringing you know, scripts to your door, it..it's just a completely different world, now, and I am sure the fashion world is completely different now, isn't it, David, I mean it's changed so much'.
Onwards to more questions asked by Mrs. Bedi. This one was interesting (19:16): 'Sam, do you fear that each job you do is an act that could be your last? Is that always in the back or front of your mind?' Answer: 'Yeah, I think.. David, I mean...um... earnestly, everything you're saying there kinda rings true for my career as well... I am sure for Catrin being, you know, being a musician, I think it's, you know [Nikki Bedi: is it true, Catrin? CF: yes, absolutely, yeah, many things David said... it's the same (...)'].
Huw Stevens mentions alternatives to 'gigs', the need to plan for the future and the fact 'you always have to remain busy', mentioning S's whisky. Gandy also mentions S ('you've got quite a few businesses [...] a man after my own heart, we'll then gonna have to go out'), immediately cued in by Nikki Bedi ('whisky, tequila, gin').
Just after Lucy Worsley's superb intervention (easily my favorite of the whole program!), cue in to the kilt on a glacier part of S's chit-chat I am sure we all dutifully 🙄, by now. I noted the slight hesitation in his voice, while mentioning 'my...my friend, Graham McTavish', so I will not - yeah, sue me-, I repeat: I will not transcript this verbatim, simply because it doesn't really bring anything new or important to what we all know, already. Sitting on a glacier 'in a kilt, in commando, yes, it's my claim to fame'. Disgruntled Tumblrettes, beware - he poked fun at himself (shall I sign this to you, or are you able to read my lips?) and that is something only very intelligent people are able to do without sounding pathetic. Another interesting thing is the way Nikki Bedi presented S ('the actor, award-winning liquor maker and writer'- 36:00), roughly midway of the whole broadcast.
His dedicated segment begins at the 49:10 mark and lasts until the end, about 10 minutes in all. He was introduced by Huw Stevens: "Sam Heughan, it seems, would like anything but a quiet life", plus some cursory bio elements, mentioning his mother's influence on his own creativity, his breakthrough as JAMMF, but also TCND (Nikki Bedi watches it and 'apparently the third episode is the most steamy' 🤦‍♀️). 'He is also a philanthropist, businessman and thrill seeker, and of course, as mentioned earlier, has his own whisky and is a best-selling author'. Mentions his 'parents, characterful people, hippies, in the Seventies, with a love for Tolkien'. S: 'my mum would probably kill me if I called her a hippie' - also, 'she is not the best singer, but there was always music around'. Stevens mentions the Gandalf's Garden Soho hippie community both his parents were a part of before he was born, but S doesn't develop it. The rest (difficult childhood, loner, using his imagination sparked his creativity, etc) we know from Waypoints. The very Scottish concept of 'stravaigin'' comes along in the conversation, which is not exactly a drifter and a bit more than a wanderer (if I understood correctly) - perhaps a good title for a second personal memoir, S? I'll leave this idea float in here for free, heh. OL comes along then, and by far the most interesting thing he mentioned about it is that "it is my life, it's taken over my life', hoping it would sparkle at least some conversation in the comments' thread. OL 'has also been hugely beneficial for Scotland, increased tourism by 200% in some locations (...), and it's all down to the magic of Scotland'.
Next projects: exciting not to really know what is next, but 'I am also saying no to a lot, because I am in a place now where I think the next decision is really important (...). I enjoy being in control now (....), producing my own shows and you know, my own products. (...) once you take control of that creativity (....) there's a lot of freedom and yeah, we shall see'.
And then Huw Stevens makes a joke - but was it really a joke? it's the BBC, after all - and says that all four of the guests could contribute something to what 'could be the next generation of Bond', (S: 'the finest British production'). Cue in an anecdote about S being invited to present an event to Buckingham Palace and taking a cab to a pub, right afterwards. MPC and tomorrow's book signing at Saint Pancras station wrap off the show.
Quickly, my 50 cents on it: way, way better than expected and S always delivers when they ask no weird questions about his private life (hallelujah, maybe they listen to us, after all?). The question about the fear of each job being the last reminded me of one of his answers in a very early interview: 'your biggest fear? getting the sack'. This time, his answer, whatever he intended to say, got lost in the brouhaha, but I suspect not much has changed, essentially, even if the 'after OL' part of the show strives to tell a more optimistic story.
But the thing that impressed me the most and in a very good way is the attention he got from all the other people invited in that studio. Unlike the social nobodies of Tumblr, they did not find bizarre the fact that he created his own spirits business and is actively promoting it. They were far from judging him: in fact, I even think he made a new friend of David Gandy, who had quite positive and nice and honest things to say about him. S was articulate and graceful and very moving every single time he mentioned Chrissie. And I am also sure he would have loved to share more things, especially when David was lovingly talking about his wife and daughters. But he couldn't. And that is a shame. But this too, shall pass - The Boy is slowly learning to say no to a lot of things, as he just let us know. Probably the best news we've got from him in a good while.
And now, onwards to a particularly venomous Anon I am still pondering the answer to.
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