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bisluthq · 4 months

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Hi nat, I don’t wanna sound like a hater but I’ve just been struggling sm lately bc I feel so disconnected to Taylor iykwim? Like she just seems unrecognizable and excuse the parasocialness but like idk I think I just need to separate from the fandom because I just feel she’s so different in the past year and it makes me so sad. Everything just seems somewhat staged and inauthentic. I really loved her and even considered her as my favorite person and lifesaver at some point. But that beautiful, genuine, and talented person that i thought she was is not there anymore. I really saw myself in her at some point and really believed she was a gift to this world with the happiness she brought to people and how she was unapologetically herself, from the intimate fan interactions and public vulnerability and need for privacy she showed compared to other celebrities. Especially the fact that she’s been trying so fiercely to rewrite the history of the past 7 years of her life and is doing a complete 180 on the life she said she wanted is so disheartening to watch as a long time fan. I really thought that rep - evermore Taylor was really her most authentic self but idek anymore. The person she is now is like an entirely different persona and it makes me really sad. I hope she can find herself again for her own sake but i think this is just who she is and who am I to judge that lmao? At the end of the day no person with that amount of money or fame would be relatable. Look I always have to remind myself I don’t know her obviously but I thought I had gotten a pretty good sense from following her the last 12 years. Idk honestly I’m just kinda ranting here but was wondering if anyone else felt like this lately. A lot of my irls and friends have been saying they feel the same disconnect.

Xx anon ❤️

no shade queen and I’m sorry you’re feeling sad but herein lies the problem: “I really loved her and even considered her as my favorite person and lifesaver at some point.” That’s not a fair thing to put on Taylor. She’s literally just some lady lmfao and she’s an extremely talented musician, and she’s hot, and she’s very funny, and she’s a good writer even when it comes to prose, and she’s hardworking as fuck, and she’s apparently quite kind, and she also apparently makes nice food, and she has cute handwriting. That’s all we really know about her tbh. She can’t be our fave person or our lifesaver because like we don’t know her?? It’s not fair to put that on her.

on a very minor scale when I did professional activism/politics and on an even more minor scale on this blog when it was very big like sometimes I felt like I had this responsibility to people to like idk be something for them. And I can’t lol because I’m just a girl who likes to make jokes and write and teach history and drink and recently to go rowing lol. It’s not fair to expect me to be anything other than an interesting essay (in the activism days) or a funny joke (in the blogging days). I can’t be responsible for other shit. Taylor has that on the HUGEST scale and I can imagine how stressful that is and it’s not yk fair. I personally think she’ll get bored of being this public in a bit but she’s having fun rn. She’s got a cute boyfriend and her career is doing stellar and she’s got the I cut down on alcohol glow and shit like let the lady live for a bit. She doesn’t owe us shit. And I’m not convinced she’s a different person, I think she’s just not caring if people see she’s yk who she is - not an angel, not a hermit artiste, just a girl who’s trying to vibe.

I also think for me personally I’ve enjoyed a lot of her recent music so that adds to it. I love Midnights and I love the 1989 Vault and idk I am happy to let her vibe like she doesn’t owe us shit. Far be it from me to tell you to buy her $20 teacups or whatever to sponsor her trips to KC - I don’t lol - but I think it’s deeply unfair to expect her to be your lifeline or whatever like that’s genuinely not on her.

All this said, if you’re not vibing with music or the brand rn that’s okay. Harry Potter was HUGELY important to me in my preteens and into my teens and then as it happened, it turned out that JKR was a really bad person and I reread the books genuinely for science and they weren’t that great like there was a lot there I found actively not okay so aside from how I wouldn’t publicly be a millennial Potterhead anyway probably because I’m not yk that bloody weird I actively disengaged and I asked family and friends to stop buying me Robert Galbraith books and I just like… disengaged. Never watched the cursed child, haven’t watched any of the fantastic beast movies after the first one, never bought any merch again even when it’s a bit cute, just totally cut myself off. That’s MY choice. It’s not JK’s. JK is out there vibing like as she should but I don’t have to support her and she doesn’t owe me shit lol so like yes our moral compasses unfortunately do not align and that’s just the reality so I can be all dramatic or I can just stop buying her shit lol and I’ve chosen to do the latter and I don’t have any bad feelings towards her. We just don’t agree on morals. If you don’t agree with Taylor on morals or even lifestyle that’s also fine but again that’s a you problem not a Taylor problem 🤷🏻‍♀️

hope this made sense and helped although it was rambley.

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marinersubmariner · 1 year

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ANDOR POST

This show has been so good and I’ve enjoyed it so much that part of me is actually mad about it, purely because it proves that Disney could have been giving us this level of quality THE WHOLE TIME and they DIDN’T. Which I realize is not a wholly rational complaint because it has different directors, writers, production teams, etc. and Disney/Lucasfilm isn’t a monolith no matter how much we imagine it to be. No franchise is uniformly consistent in quality and style. But the standard of the visuals and writing and just overall execution is so much higher than the other Disney+ series—NOT TO MENTION some of the movies—that I can’t help but feel cheated. Like they’ve been gorging us on subpar fast food and then wheel out a five-star meal and it’s like whoah whoah whoah hold on, you let us eat shit and made us think it was the best you had to offer while you were cooking THAT?

Of course nothing is ~flawless~ and I’m very excitable when it comes to impressive production design and cinematography. But the production design in particular has blown my mind!!! The sets and locations, the props, the costumes, getting to see more of these lived-in corners of the universe, and all of it filmed in a way that’s genuinely beautiful and cinematic—THAT’S what I want, not just from Star Wars tv shows but Star Wars in general! WORLDBUILDING!!!!!! YEAH!!!

It gives me a similar feeling to TLJ in that it uses the existing universe in ways that feel fresh simply by virtue of having a strong visual aesthetic and solid thematic viewpoint. It may still be a prequel but it adds to and shades in details and does its own thing in ways that actually seem new and expansive. It really feels like going into “a larger world” where the other shows and some of the movies’ constant callbacks and repetition have felt reductive and constricting. One of the things that still makes me so sad about TROS is that it felt like the world got smaller, in the ways it presented its story and the ways it concluded, and that is such a horrible place for Star Wars to be. It should be BIG! Mythically, emotionally, visually, hypothetically. It’s a galaxxyyyyyy, I want it to feel that way!

It is very funny to think about how I was excited for a Cassian show when they first announced it because I loved Cassian in Rogue One, but what I was imagining was more like “oh boy we’ll get to see Cassian and K2 becoming buddies yay” and not like “the grim realities of fomenting rebellion.” But I LOVE IT. It’s like a wholly different genre, and while I wouldn’t necessarily want all SW to be this serious because I do watch most of it with the mind of a child, I’m excited to get something like this as a facet of the overall franchise.

It’s concerning that I’ve seen comments to the effect of “nobody’s talking about this show, you’re all sleeping on how good it is” (I don’t know, I’ve ignored discourse about it and enjoyed it in isolation because I’m too irritable about fandom nowadays, and I cannot gauge the popularity of anything on the internet—I’m on tumblr where people still talk about Supernatural, I have no frame of reference). Because if it genuinely isn’t popular then Disney is absolutely gonna learn the wrong lesson and think nobody wants good quality Star Wars and decide crowd-pleasing garbage for an unpleasable crowd is the way to go. (that’s how we got TROS!!!!!!!!) I’m already bummed that the initial plans for a five-season show got cut down to two. Despite being a firm believer in quality over quantity, good quality never fails to make me want more. It’s the worst. :(

My only real complaint is that I wish there were more aliens. It’s mostly been a whole lot of humans and that’s the main thing that I’m iffy on. I saw a comment from Tony Gilroy that basically said they made it human-centric on purpose so that it feels grounded and relatable, which I get, it does make it feel more relevant to our real world. But I can’t see enough of an in-universe justification for it since this is supposed to be a galaxy-wide struggle, and one of the major things that separates the Rebellion from the Empire is the inclusion of other species.

It is absolutely WILD to me how much Maarva’s send-off was beat-for-beat something that would have worked for Leia. Off-screen death, a goodbye message to her son to affirm her love for him and alleviate his regret and encourage him to move forward and become who he should be, a rousing message as a respected and beloved leader to the masses spurring them to fight against the evil that has been allowed to fester through inaction. A HOLOGRAM CARRYING A MESSAGE OF THE REBELLION, I mean, COME ON. And it was so resonant, it worked so well! Imagine if Leia’s death had been this meaningful!!!! I know I’m too fixated on connecting unrelated things back to the Organa-Solo Massacre of 2K19 and that my mind immediately leapt there because it’s always there, but the counterpoint to TROS is so stark it’s genuinely impossible to ignore. HE WILL BE AN UNSTOPPABLE FORCE FOR GOOD. THERE IS A WOUND THAT WON’T HEAL AT THE CENTER OF THE GALAXY. I’m gonna fuckin lose it

And I keep thinking how this show is so good at feeling truly tense and dark but also legitimately hopeful. It earns an emotional response because it all feels like it matters to the characters and the universe. The awful things that happen MATTER and are integral to moving forward. A dead character becomes a literal building block!!!!!! Symbolizing everyone in this story as simultaneously foundations for the future and makeshift blunt instruments in a fight!!!! Even while Cassian became a cog in a much larger machine too big to even perceive, constructing the building blocks of his own demise!!!!!!!!!!!! It feels so purposefully aimed toward telling a story with cohesive theming and messaging, not just throwing easter eggs at a wall.

It’s done such a good job of conveying scale and making the universe seem populated and alive, and I think the use of actual locations subliminally makes it feel like a real world in a way that the Volume and totally CG sets just don’t do. There is something oddly restrictive about cheap-looking visuals and obvious artificiality that makes a story look and feel small. There is so much in the other Disney+ series and even TROS that looks like a soundstage with bad lighting and it just yanks me right out of what’s supposed to be happening. Whereas everything in this show conveys a sense that it EXISTS and life is happening even beyond the edges of the frame. In any case, Rogue One is next to TLJ as the prettiest of the new era of movies, and I’m thrilled they put so much effort into maintaining its visual aesthetic.

It’s gotten to a point with Disney Star Wars that I recoil in disgust from the way fanservice is incorporated (or, you know, what they think fanservice is—the lowest common denominator “I understood that reference” shitty callbacks and cameos), and the complete lack of anything blatant like that in this show has been AMAZING. The post-credits stinger is the only part that got close to that type of thing and even that was effective because a) I think most people guessed they were building Death Star parts so it’s nice to confirm it, and b) I LOVE that perspective shift of being so entrenched in a ground-level story that then zooms way out to show a glimpse of the macro scale that is imperceptible to the people within the machine. You’ve been watching all these tiny moving parts adding up and working together and building toward something, only to see how truly small they are and how much of an uphill battle they have to match this inconceivably massive system they’re working against. It’s such a great gutpunch that I think it transcends the stupid “teehee hey nerds look it’s the Death Star like in the movie.”

What I loved about Rogue One and its depiction of the Rebellion was how much it emphasized the smallest actions of the individual as being important to the whole. The final relay race with the Death Star plans and how tenuous their success is; the entire climax of the film giving each character a linchpin moment where if they weren’t there, everything would have failed. It showed what a delicate chain reaction it was to ultimately get to Luke firing those torpedoes into the exhaust port. And now on Andor with its ensemble, once again there’s this great sense of all these small parts that are integral to the bigger picture that they’re a part of, and approaching something inevitable but doing so in a way that still feels precarious and uncertain.

Ironically without a Jedi storyline the concept of Empire vs. Rebellion = Sith vs. Jedi stands out even more prominently than in the stories where both aspects of the war are present. The conflict here is structured with such weight on fighting against darkness that it becomes glaringly obvious to extrapolate it into “JUST LIKE THE FORCE!!!” Of course Luthen’s speech brought this to the foreground, but Nemik and Maarva’s speeches really drove the point home. The light side and the dark side have obviously always been a metaphor made literal, but in a story that’s more centered on humanism than spiritualism it’s interesting that those concepts from the more fantastical side of things are still right there in the language, hidden in plain sight—like the Rebellion, like Luthen in the crowd passing unseen by the people who are hunting for him, like the shape of the Imperial insignia subtly repeating everywhere: all of it is apparent if you just know what to look for. “Oppression is the mask of fear.” Like. LITERALLY. THE MASK. OF FEAR. There is no Vader in this story and yet Vader is in this story. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. This narrative is haunted!!!!!!!

Miscellany:

There wasn’t much spaceship stuff but the little we got was SO GOOD. The escape in The Eye and the visuals of the meteor shower were amazing, it was so stressful but totally thrilling at the same time. And of course Luthen running from the cops HOOHOHHOHOHO GOOD SHIT. Rogue One has THEEEE best space battle so getting to see that practical model-like lighting again is so cool, and it was just FUN fun in a little more of a traditional Star Wars way. Spinning! That’s a good trick! Also I got a kick out of Luthen’s phony “hi lol I’m just a regular guy! lol! sorry officer!” voice. Big Han “we’re all fine here :)” vibes

Something I’m delighted to now be able to say about Star Wars is that I love Mon Mothma’s lesbian cousin. :) The reveal that Vel is related to Mon gobsmacked me, I enjoyed the way they held that off for so long so your impression of Vel kept changing. “So she’s a grumpy gay freedom fighter. Oh she wears fancy clothes too? Oh her family is rich? OH SHE’S RELATED TO MON MOTHMA?!??” A wild ride!

BEEEEEEEEE new best droid friend!!!! Has a stutter, takes a lot of effort to do anything, has to spend huge amounts of time recharging at home: most relatable droid of all time??? LOOK AT IT IT’S GOT ANXIETY

😍 Brasso 😍

TV news!!!!

SPACE FOODS!!!!!!

The living spaces oh my god I’m so excited. I know the Karns’ apartment is supposed to be kind of depressing but the modular design and ‘70s retrofuturistic accessories are SO GOOD. Syril’s sad little room with his action figures. Maarva’s house and her plants!!!!!!! Mon’s beautiful gilded cage of an apartment, aahhhhhhhh. By nature of being an adventure story there isn’t usually downtime in Star Wars to spend in homes or bedrooms, but it’s something I’m always wishing for so I’m particularly delighted that a longer-form series has finally allowed us to see more of those everyday details. SPACE HGTV

MONNNN MOTHMAAAAAAA. She’s the best and I am just so pumped that we’re finally getting more of her. It is, however, hilarious to think about her hair and wardrobe downgrade once she’s fully with the Rebellion.

The score has been great—between this and Mando and the final run of Clone Wars it’s awesome that the music is really getting outside the box in terms of what Star Wars can sound like. Synths!!!

Cassian with the sky kyber... matching crystal necklaces with Jyn........ ;____;

Those blue pelicans on Niamos!!!!! CREATURES

Andy Serkis was excellent but it was pretty bizarrely funny to hear Snoke’s voice making a good guy speech instead of a bad guy speech

“The first spark of the fire,” Canto Bight name drop... TLJ relevance for the sophisticated palate 🥂

One thing about Cassian Andor is that he’s always gonna have a shitty time at the beach

UGH I CAN’T BELIEVE WE HAVE TO WAIT SO LONG FOR SEASON 2. I hope it maintains quality and I hope it doesn’t feel rushed with how they’re planning on covering the time period. Since they’re starting production now I think it’s unlikely that they’ll suddenly change course and give us an extra season, but... I really wish they would at least add one more season on there... but then even if they could do that it just makes it less likely that they would be able to keep up the quality and budget. I guess we’ve just gotta savor what we get. ;___;

#star wars #andor #sw meta

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taki118 · 2 years

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More Stuff to disprove that MoriHaru “fact” this time authors notes from the manga

The more I see people share this “fact” that Mori was the original endgame with no sources the more I feel compelled to find info showing the opposite even if I’m really just shouting into a void. my first post on this subject is here. Anyway even if you don’t care stick around for some fun Ouran trivia.

First lets look at the popularity polls there were three over the course of the series.

This was done early showed in the first volume. and was apparently done after the first 2 chapters (they’re called episodes for some reason) where released in Lala magazine. and the creator was SURPRISED by this if Mori were the original Love Interest wouldn’t that make her happy?

Second one in the second or third volume and was done original after the first 4 chapters. And she makes no remarks for Mori but offers sympathy for Honey.

This was the last one done after the 50th chapter.

This was the creators response and she appears genuinely happy everyone seems to love the main pair as characters. However (and this goes into the next part) the creator notes she was surprised since most letters are about the Twins and Kyoya and that the poll mightve been altered had they kept the twins as a unit. This leads into that Tamaki was NOT universally loved by japanese fans.

In one volume the creator drew out some fans requests she thought were fun most of them involved Mori

The final bought of this was given to rapid fire requests of Haruhi insulting Tamaki

In fact these were the only requests of Tamaki drawn, this suggests that there weren’t a lot of Tamaki requests funny or otherwise. Fans disliking Tamaki is actually brought up a bit

Twins Fans in particular seem to hate him. But the creator seems rather sad for Tamaki than anything else, even suggesting older fans tend to like him more which yeah i can see that.

Fans reactions are talked of now and then this one was closer towards the mid point of the series

Twins fans seem very vocal and are rather consistent throughout the series.

This was rather early like vol 4 I think. Again I would think that if the story was dictated by the publishers as the people perpetuating this “fact” insist wouldn’t this tell them to go with Mori???? Considering he’s popular with doing very little?????

This pic was made by the head character designer of the anime which could mean the anime was purposely kinder to Mori in the plot than the manga itself.

But lets go into what the author has said of him directly

So I’m fairly certain this is what started everything, though from what I’ve read the creator had a lot of ideas in passing, but notice that this says he makes her groan. I think this means he’s difficult to write.

Which appears to be true as its kinda a running joke with her staff that he doesnt really have lines.

This was from the final volume. She talks about what sort of person he could end up with a refined traditional girl being best or a tomboyish free spirit. I guess the second you could maybe put Haruhi on to (though I think japanese idea of tomboy is different to americans) but also says that should Haruhi and Tamaki have kids first he’d be the most happy. She also shows some things she wanted to do with him but didnt and its really just face gags.

Now lets get into the notes for tamaki

This was from volume one and while she admits to some changes to his character (for the better I’d say) It appears she was more definitive in what her plans with him were.

I think this is the creators way of saying Tamaki is the easy to write.

She also seems grateful that his personality adds a brevity to heavy situations.

There was a good deal of mention that Twins fans in japan really hated Tamaki and the creator always seems to defend him at least a little.

I can’t remember when this one took place in the story but I mean its interesting wording.

The manga had 18 volumes, and this was when the big story lines dropped. The creator was well aware that a good chunk of the fandom did not care for Tamaki and seemed excited for his reveals and you can see that as early as the vol 1 character sheet.

This was on the game and showcases that she really does like drawing Tamaki.

The rest of these are on the development side.

So the Beach chapters were made after fan requests though not they way they had wanted. Suggesting that fan input did effect the story but not always the way intended by fans.

So not related to Mori or Tamaki or the romance. But I think it is important to note that this is the writer’s process of sorts. Rather loose.

This was for the chapter about Haruhi and Tamaki in Boston as a couple. And she states it was something she always wanted to draw.

Last one is her talking about how happy she is to complete the series. Over the years the creator has stated she was happy with what she made the statement hasnt changed and I don’t think its a lie, implying she did just what she wanted. The idea that she had a HUGE plot change forced on her doesnt seem to be here. One could say that she HAS to act like she likes it because of contract but I dunno, overall I don’t think its good to assume that sort of thing is happening in regards to another person. You kind of have to take them at face value and Hatori Bisco has always been rather consistent in how she feels about the series, that she is happy, that she did what she wanted, and aside from this one “fact” (which again no one sources) there is no hinting that that her publishers ever interfered outside of an anime news network interview in 2019 where she said they had doubted TAMAKI working out but got her way in the end.

Again I welcome anyone who uses this fact to tell me their source, and I’ll take the L.

#ouran #ouran high school host club #ohshc #bisco hatori

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libertys-lovers · 2 years

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Aha, ask game! 12, if you please! Rant to your heart's content☆

Hiya ss-slep, thanks for sending an ask!! Unfortunately, the site’s been refusing to let me add videos lately, so I’ll be breaking the ask-game’s theme a bit today... AKA the answer’s gonna be typed instead of spoken. But hey, I’ll still happily answer!!

(Question 12 revolves around fandom-interpretations of my F/Os, specifically which interpretations bother me)

I suppose I should start this off by saying, at the end of the day, interpretations that I disagree with don’t really bother me! Of course some of them are... interesting, but for the most part I don’t really care. Sometimes fanon stuff’s really good tho; Fanon Sniper, for instance, is a literal blessing.

Though… I still have a couple things that bother me, or at least confuse me. I guess my main thing is the fact that Dr. Stein x Medusa is such a popular ship lmao. Does that count as an interpretation or HC? I have no idea, but I’m putting it here anyways. That’s like, the only thing that genuinely bothers me a bit. There’s minor things that make me sad when I think about them though, like the fact Miss Pauling has such little content (outside of shipping) that I don’t even have any interpretations to disagree with. The OW Fandom seems to sometimes ignore/forget how smart Lúcio is too 😔. Oh, and the BNHA fandom really likes to portray Hawks as… inhumanly thirsty… which I CAN NOT see fitting him, but I find that more funny than anything so-

#self ship #self shipper #self shipping #self ship ask game #romantic f/o #🔩🍀successful operation🍀🔩#📋📰secretary dept📰📋#🐸📱songwriter📱🐸#🐦💭head in the clouds💭🐦

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araisbored · 3 months

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This is The Eras Tour post.

I'm so used to not getting what I wanted and now this feels like a fever dream. (Or maybe it really was.)

I don't know how to even start this shit. I guess maybe I’ll start with the fact that I have extremely long nails and that made this whole situation uncomfortable and irritable. Yes, I am running down with 4 hrs of sleep so being irritable seems in line. The next couple of words are words that I can’t phantom to say.

I went to The Eras Tour. Yes, that tour. The Taylor concert. Yes, the girl Taylor I always babble about. The Taylor that I adored since I was….. 11?12 or maybe even younger… Yes. Ms. Taylor Swift.

It’s no shame and secret that I was a big fan of Taylor Swift. Everybody who knows me knows that I loved Taylor. Like the type of love that I am willing to go to a Federal prison. The things I would commit for her. There are a lot of times that I attempt to attend her past concerts, and all of those times.. I obviously failed. And there are many. And it’s very sad and soul wrenching that it always starts with me being hopeful and ending with me in tears. I’m pretty sure there was a point in my funny life that I completely lost my hope and accepted that I won’t be able to see her. Funny thing when constant let downs get into you.

But lo and behold. Yesterday I saw the ever beautiful Ms. Swift. Yesterday was the first day of the Tokyo leg of the most anticipated concert of Taylor: The Eras Tour. I can’t really say anything much because I was in the middle of an epiphany due to lack of sleep and PCD. So I can’t really make up words. It’s a whole struggle writing this blog post. But I figured it’s always good to start something even though you can’t finish it within the day. I just wanna get it out right away and as fresh as it is from my memory.

The concert was phenomenal. I watched her here in Japan. So the whole experience was very organized and people are calmer compared to the fans from the previous shows. So the whole concert was pleasant. It was the best. I cannot really say anything to Taylor’s production. One of the best productions. The props, the music, the lights, the visual effects and the story telling. It was the best. Of course, Taylor’s songs were undoubtedly the biggest factor why we all went to the concert. But hey can you believe how much more she put out. And she did that for almost 3 hours. The longest concert I’ve ever been to and there’s no down time. You can’t even sit down during the visuals because even those things are beautiful. You would want to see them. You are also gonna stand for the next 3 hours with her. And with that being said I really really wanna commend Taylor for that. Because the sheer stamina you need to have to be able to pull that must’ve been insane. She was right when she said that she loves what she does. Because you won’t be able to do that if you don’t. Pure love and passion and it reflects on whatever she does. That’s why I don’t understand when people say that she’s so cringey and fake. It was the complete opposite of what I’m seeing. She’s the most genuine for me. When she has a short ment where she talks to the fans, I could feel her genuine love for us. How grateful and happy she was to see the crowd. Anyways, back to the concert. It was so good. The best. The only complaints I have are more on the venue and the whole Tokyo Dome infrastructure. I’ve seen a lot of screens in other stadiums but there is only one on the stage. I just hope they add more along the areas. Also there is no confetti. And the seats are so small. It’s not spacious, especially for a concert where you should jump and dance. But again it is more of a comment on the venue, and we can’t do anything about it. If I will comment on the concert itself, I think my only complaint would be the setlist. I don’t know why and how she chooses her setlist but she should've done a fan voting for this. Like the hunger games and let the swifties start WWIII with that. But then again, maybe I just didn’t like the songs in it. Hahahaha

If you’re planning to go or just thinking if you should… You should. 100%. It is worth every penny.

And if you’re looking for tips on what to do, bring or just the 411 on the Eras tour. Sure, take your pens and notes ‘coz I have a few of those.

If you’re in a costume I just hope it was comfortable and manageable. This is a concert where you dance and sing and jump. So if you’re a person who can’t jump in heels don't even think of wearing one. If you can, then GO. I did wear a pair of platform boots and my feet didn't hurt with all the standing and walking and running and jumping and dancing and sprinting I did. Have a good outfit and the best shoes.

Bring a big BAG. Unless it is stated that you can’t. Make use of the allowed space(for your bag) because you would want one. I did bring a classic Chanel bag and it sucks. I wish I brought a tote bag with me so I can put all the unnecessary things I won't use. Plus you need to put your merch and your friendship bracelets. You really need to have a big bag. Or an extra bag if you’re allowed to.

This is more of a general tip, but don’t put LONG press-on nails. I did and it almost ruined my day. I can’t text properly, get something out from my bag and it is hard for me to film because of those stupid nails.

Water. Drink water. Finish your water before you enter the stadium because they don’t allow outside drinks.

This is gonna be contradicting but don’t drink too much water. Just enough to make you hydrated the whole 3 hours. Again, it was 3 hours long. Peeing is very risky. You might miss your favorite song.

Hope for a good seatmate buddy. I did have and it was the best experience. We are all jumping and exchanging bracelets. And taking pictures and videos.

Just sing your heart out. Dance till your knees give out. Instead of filming the whole concert. It would be blurry anyways. Plus there are other people who have better footage. Take a few for the grams but the rest I suggest you don’t. Just be in the moment. That’s what I did and it was so magical. I still feel like I'm on cloud 9.

This is a dream come true for me. Things haven’t sunk into me yet. Everything was still so blurry and unbelievable for me. I think the next step for me was to jump from the brink of depression. With this too much high and happiness, I can’t wait for my serotonin, dopamine, endorphins, oxytocin, and all the hormones responsible for happiness to die down. I know it would be a terrible week after this. I’ll be insufferably annoying because you bet that I will be grumpy and sad. If you wanna see my photos from the tour you have to be following me on Instagram. If you want to, my handle is @arasawano. I'll spare you one:

Anyway, another goal was checked from my bucket list. Woohooo!

#TheErasTour #the eras tour tokyo #day 1 #personal #taylor swift

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rottenbrainstuff · 4 months

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BG3 playthrough: picking up where I left off in the shadowlands

I survived my overseas trip and a busy holiday so now I’m getting back into the swing of my Baldur’s Gate 3 playthrough, and as usual, taking a fucking long-ass time to get anything done. Let’s see, let’s see here. Here’s just a few random notes. I’m currently still farting around in the shadow-cursed land, experimenting with what order is best to do things in so as to trigger everything you want. Did you guys all check out the advent calendar that Larian had running in December? That was cute!

While I was overseas I was watching my daughter play her own game a bit… I told her the orthon fight was the most difficult fight I did yet, when I was scouting ahead and looking around at things coming up. I managed to kill Yurgir, but the minions almost TPKd my ass. I had to run away. Probably every time I play, I will always do one of the non-fight options to deal with him. She said, “hm” and gave it a try. Instead of talking to Yurgir at all, she made Astarion invisible, snuck him in, and got a critical on a sneak attack which got him in one single fucking round, and made short work of everyone else. Well. I guess that works, too.

Araj Oblodra note: if you are a drow, you can realize that her house was notorious for experimention with mind flayers, and that’s likely what has polluted her blood: gross.

One more time: YOU DO NOT NEED TO WORRY ABOUT ASTARION’S APPROVAL LEVELS (or anyone’s, for that matter) The game is full of more than enough approval opportunities. Don’t whine about Astarion being hard to romance, don’t make bad choices just to make him like you, just play the way you want and whatever companion you like, you’ll get there in the end, I promise. The approvals and disapprovals are interesting and add really cool flavour to think about, don’t meta game it, just play your game and take note of who likes/dislikes what and have fun thinking about why that is.

Tumeril is a harper at the entrance to the Last Light Inn, and he used to wear a dog collar, like, the exact same dog collar that I found in the underdark. In the latest updates, the dog collar is gone! That makes me sad, because I thought the collar was funny. :( The game is ok to have a dude in a bondage harness beat you up then tell you it was DIVINE, but too shy to have a harper wearing a dog collar.

A note about Astarion’s second romance scene: there are two versions of the scene, and one is easy to trigger and one is much more convoluted. You can trigger one version of his second romance just by talking to Araj Oblodra in Moonrise. If you tell her to leave Astarion alone, after you rest, he’ll have a second romance scene where he thanks you for letting him decide, and the scene is about him revealing how little bodily autonomy he had in the past, and much more about how he doesn’t want people to only relate to him sexually, in fact he maybe doesn’t want that at all. It’s an ok scene. It’s some good character development.

But I just don’t prefer it over the second version of his romance. The second version is the one that starts with “we need to talk”, and it is much more about Astarion admitting that he initially came on to you with ulterior motives, but now he’s caught genuine feelings and doesn’t know how to proceed. I prefer it because it’s more vulnerable, it’s less about just him and more about your relationship, and kind of just fits in better with the sort of narrative I’m doing with my tav. It’s also more unclear as to exactly how to trigger it. I looked and looked and looked everywhere trying to find some solid, reliable information, but in true bullshit modern internet fashion, it’s very difficult to find. Instead there’s a lot of supremely unhelpful unverified speculation. (Ie it’s based on approval, just keep camping and eventually it will trigger, it will trigger if you camp at Moonrise, it will trigger after you kill the orthon, NO NO NO, these are all incorrect or incomplete) If anyone else has TESTED AND CONFIRMED a different way they were able to trigger it, I would love to hear it. But on my end, the only way I was able to trigger it was by: 1) killing the orthon 2) talking to Raphael afterwards and getting the information about Astarion’s scars, and then lastly: 3) camping at moonrise towers. These three things in this order. That was the only way I could get it. There might be an easier way but at the very least I can confirm this will trigger it every time. It’s very important to get SOME version of this while you’re still in act 2. Unfortunate players who never got around to it will find a sudden and upsetting breakup scene if they accidentally progress to act 3.

The tiefling prison break seems to have two different outcomes as well - sometimes during the breakout, the warden will leave her office and rush towards the prisoners and fight them at the boat, and sometimes the warden stays where she is and remains unaggroed, and you can go back and talk to her later and she will say that because the prisoners escaped under her watch, she is dead. (literally) I haven’t figured out what causes one or the other to happen (I have literally reloaded the exact same save and had different outcomes, almost like it’s random, or perhaps a bug?) and honestly… I’m kind of too tired to try and figure it out - but two outcomes exist, so watch your back as the prisoners are escaping and be prepared for a fight just in case the warden is following you.

My party all leveled up, and instead of doing something actually useful, I made the executive decision to give Astarion one level of bard. I did this 100% only because I want someone for my tav to be able to duet with cause then the music sounds better, and because it’s funny listening to Astarion do vicious mockery (which he can never actually hit with, because his charisma is way too low). I don’t really care that it wasn’t the most useful choice. I am playing the game according to what I find fun, and the fights are only one single part of it for me. I have decided Astarion used to play the violin back when he was still alive, and Cazador forbade him from playing. After traveling around with my bard he’s cautiously decided to pick the violin back up.

So the prisoners are free! So sweet to see them reunite. The kids are still sad cause Mol is still nowhere to be found. Barcus and Wulbren made me pretty sad though. They really animated Barcus well in their reunion scene. His sad little smiles and arm swings as he tries not to show his crushing disappointment hurt my heart. Aw my buddy. You can do so much better than this guy. Sigh.

Z’rell is uh. Wow. She is parting the folds of my mind and touching and tasting is she??? Uh. I. 😳🥵

With the prisoners free I’m exploring around now…. Not sure if I should explore the rest of Moonrise, or explore the rest of the Shadowlands, maybe do Halsin’s weird little side curse thing... I love this game so much!

#bg3 playthrough #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 spoilers

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87435678753256732 · 1 year

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January 2023

new year new me!! at least that’s what i’m telling myself. i’m writhing on here mostly for my own mental sanity, and because now i don’t have anyone else to talk about it really

i got broken up with. i’m trying to process all my thoughts, gather my emotions, and basically express how i feel. i’m definitely having two reactions, but obv the sad one is overwhelming the other part of me (the sagittarius part i call it) that is a bit relieved. okay. so about two weeks ago i started noticing that he/things were a bit off. i said “okay probably just my mood due to not being on meds anymore.” i didn’t say anything because i wanted to avoid facing reality; things were stale. our last two dates were fine, at least i thought. today two things happened that felt off. one was that he started eating his food before i got mine, and the other was that he didn’t want to go watch puss in boots with me. fine, okay whatever, take me home bc because i have work tomorrow. i wasn’t upset, i understood that we both have work in the morning. we takes me home, parks, and says “i have something to tell you” AWW HELL NAW. thought in my head; this could be 1. scary, telling me he wants to take things the next step or 2. end things. WELPPP it was 2. he stated that he needed a break, reason being he needs to work on himself. i say okay,, and start asking him questions bc i cannot be left contemplating what could’ve ACTUALLY be the reason. states that he has “outgrown” our relationship. BRO we’re both 23 and goofy asf, wym outgrown gtfo. okay, next. states i don’t fit the “ideal partner” he has for himself. says my style, personality, and hair doesn’t correlate with what he’d want in someone. LMFAO. i’ve known my style is funny, i call it emo grandma core- which i’ve made very aware to him in the past that that’s just who i am. okay, whatever. basically grass is greener reasoning. what else is out there? welp, how he can go find out. it sucks being broken up with for the third time. i give shitty men so many excuses and end up being the one hurt. we both agreed that we were glad that this happened now instead of way into the relationship. i know some of the reasons were because of external factors of myself (ex: fashion), but i genuinely believe that this is just a reflection of him. when will you find someone that checks all the boxes? hardly ever. compromise is big, especially when you claim to “love someone.” i basically embarrassed him. this has made me realize that 1. i need to seek someone who loves me regardless of how i look and 2. understands that the “perfect” match isn’t realistic, love is something you work for. i understand that this was his first relationship, and i’m happy to have been his first, and thankful for the fun dates and cool experiences. now it’s time to heal and move on. I did want to talk about the side of me that i like to refer as my sag side, the side that fears commitment and wants to run away. this side is relieved that this is over. mostly because i didn’t really feel that i loved him as much as i tried convincing myself. i enjoyed the sex, that was fun, but i didn’t really feel the love i felt for my previous partners. at moments i questioned whether i even liked men, yet ive never had feelings for women either, so comphet can’t be the answer. now that i’m not in a relationship, my sag side wants to hoe out but i need to be safe about my hoeventures.

i know i need to heal first. these next couple of days will suck. i told him i wouldn’t block him, bc i’m not a petty person and still care about him. we hugged, kissed, he went in for longer which i backed out of. i feel used. used for sex. the way he groped me throughout our date, for him to later tell me he no longer had feelings. i think his excuse was stupid, but i understand that he still needs to grow. i have therapy on thursday, so hopefully i’ll be able to process some of this. i’ve grieved a lot this past year, and it hurts so much to add on to the table. but i’ll be okay, i always have been.

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miyagifangkai · 2 years

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Small Pieces

Summary: You have just gone through a very bad breakup in your abusive relationship; you believe that you’re completely alone in dealing with this until you show up to the dojo the next morning with a surprise waiting for you.

Characters Involved: Hawk/Eli, Y/N, Miguel, Demetri, Johnny, Daniel, and a tad bit of Sam like if you squint. Also let’s just say they are all 18+ for the story (:

Warnings: abusive relationship (does not go into extreme detail but enough detail for you to know the reader has been abused), extreme self deprecation, angsty, the reader is all around very sad but gets it back together by the end.

Couple: Hawk x Reader

Word Count: 3,339 she’s long lol I’m sorry

A/N: hey everyone this one is very angsty and very sad but the ending is super fluffy and sweet. I also wrote this from personal experience.. I just wish I had someone to support me at that time.. but hey! I’m still here! Better than ever; always remember it’ll be okay in the end and don’t give up. ❤️❤️❤️

You drive home with tears in your eyes threatening to spill out. You didn’t want to cry because you knew the truth; you had a hunch.

Even when he’d send you home with bruises from violence that you’d have to cover up with copious amounts of makeup so everyone in the dojo wouldn’t notice. You would trust your karate team with anything but this.. this was something that was far too personal; plus you never used what you learned against him. He just meant too much to you even when he’d scream or hurt you, for some reason you convinced yourself that it was your fault and he was doing it out of love. Nobody seemed to notice any ways….

One day, Hawk noticed a funny looking bruise on your arm and not a good bruise. After the lesson Hawk took you off to the side and asked, “Hey, are you okay? I noticed the bruise..” he trailed off expecting a genuine answer from you but all you said was, “I have no idea where that came from? Maybe from a lesson? Got too rough, you know?”

Hawk gave you a doubtful look but decided not to push but he did add, “I don’t know what happened and maybe it was nothing but I’ll fucking kill them..” and you put your hand on his shoulder and give him a small smile and say, “Thank you, Hawk, but I don’t need protecting. I’m a badass!” You chuckle, “But no, really, thanks. I really think it was from a lesson.” Hawk gives you an approving smirk liking your explanation and the purple mohawked boy walks away joining Miguel and the others. You wipe the sweat from your brow and wipe your moist palms on your pants as you take a sigh of relief from what could’ve been bad. Even though Johnny heard the conversation from the background and knew you were lying. You haven’t even been in a sparring match in weeks! But Johnny let you be, he knew you liked to figure things out on your own.

Johnny eventually figured out what was happening between you and your “ex” and offered to beat his ass but you begged him not to get involved and that this was your mess. Johnny wanted to help but you always shot him down and threatened to quit karate if he did; so out of respect he let you handle things on your own… most of the time.

You always find your way back to him despite the many times of you telling yourself that you’re done and that he’s toxic; he would just send one message and have you eating out of the palm of his hand again. You’ve never felt more alone in your life when you caught him with her. The sight of her made your stomach churn with betrayal and pain. You loved him and all he ever did was hurt you over and over again. It’s not fair that he gets to feel okay about never being with you again while you have to sit back and pick up the pieces of your own heart. You wished the sun wouldn’t come up the next morning and everything just be over and completely dissolve into thin air.. but unfortunately, you knew that’d never happen. You had to help yourself again and almost completely heal yourself until he’d ruin you again.

You arrive at your house and finally let yourself break while you sit in your idling car. You couldn’t believe something like this could ever happen to you. You used to be so headstrong and tough but when it came to him you just folded.. every time. “God, you’re pathetic.” You chanted to yourself over and over again. “You’re a piece of shit. You meant nothing. Why are you fucking crying? This is all your fault. You made him not love you. He’s too good for you. He had to find someone better,” you cry out. You start to dry up your tears, turn off the car, and get out. You go inside your house and decide to take a long hot shower so your sobs would be hidden under the sounds of the water splashing.

You step out of your shower and mumble to yourself, “God, you’re disgusting. No wonder he left.” You step out of your bathroom and away from the mirror. You slip into your pajamas and lay down, slowly drifting off to sleep.

The next morning you wake up at 7a.m. sharp and get ready for your Miyagi Fang class. Putting on some light makeup to hide your fading bruises and the very apparent bags under your eyes. “Don’t you dare let them know how much of a pathetic whiner that you are,” you say to yourself in the mirror. You give yourself one last long look as your stomach churns again just by the sight of you. You eventually get your car keys and head off to the dojo. As you arrive you are greeted by the three musketeers Hawk, Demetri, and Miguel, “Good morning!!” You love seeing their smiling faces almost every morning. You wave back and smile, “Good morning boys! How are you doing?” They look at you with mischievous glints in their eyes as Hawk answers, “we are doing just fine, Princess.” Miguel steps in front of Hawk as Demetri tries to grab his arm and exclaims, “Okay! I can’t hold it in much longer but we totally have a surprise for you inside!” Hawks punches Miguel’s arm, “what the fuck, dude?! All of that work for you to almost spoil it like that? Seriously?” And Demetri adds, “This is very important business, Eli! Are you kidding?” You laugh at the boys and say, “so! Before Miguel spoils anything else can you just take me to it, already?” They all nod and lead the way. As you step inside you’re greeted by the members of the dojo and both of your Sensei’s screaming, “SURPRISE Y/N!” You put your hands over your mouth to hide your excitement as you start to jump up and down out of pure anxiety. You had completely forgotten that it was your own birthday due to your parents always working and being forgetful that you exist. “I cannot.. I honestly.. oh my God, thank you guys,” you burst into tears from pure happiness. Everyone surrounds you in a group hug, at least the best group hug they can muster, but a group hug nonetheless! Everyone starts to step back and let go of each other besides Hawk, Miguel, and Demetri, your three best friends.

“Okay, jackasses! Get off of her. We wanna see her too,” Johnny exclaims.

Johnny and you had more of a father daughter relationship due to the endless rides home, him making you and Miguel dinner, and even when you and Hawk get fucked up Johnny takes you two in; Hell, when your car broke down while you were hanging out with Demetri Jonny was there to save the day. Johnny was your protection ever since the day you met him and you couldn’t ask for a better Sensei and father figure than him, despite his many flaws, but you took what you could get. The boys let go of you when Hawk accidentally touches one of your bruises on your arm too roughly and you quietly wince. Johnny notices but the two boys don’t; Johnny plans to talk to you later about that.

You make your way around the room talking to everyone and accepting your birthday wishes from everyone. It was hard trying to keep a happy face. The constant smile so they wouldn’t know that you had wished for the world to end the night before; so they wouldn’t know that you’ve been stuck in a toxic relationship for more than two years now. Funny, how no one had a clue. Crazy how you could still feel so alone in a crowd of people.

After you make your rounds you approach your best friends and ask, “So this is what you three have been up to lately?” The three of them nod eagerly and Hawk says, “You love it, right? How couldn’t you? We threw you the best birthday ever!” Demetri softly taps Eli’s shoulder and says, “Ah, yes. He’s the birthday king! Always had rockin’ birthday parties!” You laugh and say, “Okay, yes. I love it! And I cannot thank you three enough for everything you’ve done for me. It’s so nice to know that we have a birthday king in our midst,” you jokingly bow towards Hawk, “Nah, but really I love you guys so much, honestly.” Miguel says, “you’re so welcome. Of course, we would do anything for you! I love you, very platonically. We do not need another Sam and Tory situation,” you smile at him and say, “yes 100% platonically. I love Sam and you together. You’re both so happy! I’m happy for you two!” This pains you to say, not because you wanted Miguel, it was because you wanted someone to be able to love you like Miguel loves Sam.

Miguel looks at you and says, “you’re my number one best friend, Y/N, don’t tell them'' and sends a wink towards Hawks’ way which causes Demetri to burst out laughing because he knew about Hawks little crush on you as you to jump up and down and exclaim, “OH MY GOSH!! I’m better than Eli, the birthday king? Even better than Demetri? Are you sure? Silly old me? Better than these two binary brothers?” You point at Hawk and Demetri and poke Hawks' chest because he was closer. As the boys start to laugh again.. you can also see a slight blush on Eli’s cheeks when you poked him but you ignored it.

You hug them again as Miguel and Demetri let’s go, you can still feel Hawks lingering touch on the small of your back as he mumbles, “hey, meet me at my place after the party.” You nod your head at him and notice the same looks again, Demetri and Miguel both with mischievous smiles, as you start walking towards Johnny.

You give him a huge hug and say, “Thank you for letting them stupidheads set this up for me. I really appreciate it, Sensei.” Johnny gives you a huge smile and says, “Anytime! Anything for my favorite student.” Tears start to prick your eyes as Johnny says this and he notices, “hey! No. Don’t cry at your birthday party. Don’t be a loser,” he places his hand on your shoulder and looks at you “do not cry at this party, okay? Is he hurting you again? Are you sure you don’t want me to kick his ass?” You give Johnny a warning glare, “I’m fine. They’re fading. It’s in the past but thank you for the concern, Sensei.” You give Johnny another hug as you hear Daniel scream out, “So, are we ready for some cake?” Everyone yells, “Yes! We do!”

They roll out the cake towards you.

The cake was a Gi, an Eagle Fang Gi, with candles that read “Happy Birthday” and “19” on them. Everyone starts to sing “Happy Birthday” and you keep catching Hawks glances towards you, it’s like the dude had total heart eyes for you all of a sudden. You blow out your candles and wish. You wished for someone to be able to love you for better and for worse.

The party steadily comes to an end after everyone finishes their cake and starts to say their goodbyes laced in with a couple of “Happy Birthdays”. Daniel starts to clean up and you ask, “Sensei Larusso? Do you need any help? I don’t mind.” And Daniel chuckles, “Of course not. It’s your party. I’m just glad you enjoyed everything.” You give Daniel a small smile and decide to hug him; you and Daniel were never super close but you still showed him respect and appreciation because he’s one of the good ones. Daniel hugs you back and he says, “Happy Birthday, Y/N. You’re an excellent student, I hope 19 treats you well.” And you tell him “thank you” and give him another small hug as you see your other Sensei.

Johnny opens up a beer and takes a seat outside and you follow him. “Hey, Sensei?” Johnny looks at you curiously, you continue, “thank you for being able to hold that secret of mine with you. It’s hard to live through it let alone tell someone about it. So, thank you for not telling them.” And Johnny sighs saying, “Of course, Y/N. But you do know you need to eventually tell them. They love you too much. Especially, Hawk.. that boy has got a constant heart boner for you, chick.” You look at Johnny with wide eyes and yell, “Please do not ever say that again! Oh gross!” You and Johnny laugh.

You stand up and meet Miguel, Sam, and Demetri as they are about to hop in the car to take Demetri home and have their date night and Miguel says, “Happy Birthday, best friend! Stay awesome!” Demetri says, “Yeah, happy birthday. I’m happy that it turned out better than expected. I was expecting a shit show” Miguel gave him a look from Hell as Demetri shrugged his shoulders, “What?” You just crack up and hug your boys goodbye and say your goodbyes to Sam.

You can’t seem to find Hawk anywhere so you just shrug your shoulders and head back home to dress into something nicer than your old worn out gi. You throw on some casual clothes which consisted of a worn out band T-shirt that was two sizes too big and a pair of jeans with black and white vans; that’s your best skater boy look you had. You freshen up a bit more which you don’t know why you were doing this. He’d seen you at close to your worst like he’d care if you were super dressed up or not.

You start to make your way towards Hawks house and you catch a glimpse of him sitting on his steps with a bouquet of flowers, pink and yellow tulips. “Hey, I know these aren’t the most beautiful in the world but I know what is,” you look at him perplexed as you say, “Oh yeah, do you say that to all the girls?” You start to sweat and holy shit Hawk liked you and he liked you big time. The words “heart boner” crossed your mind again; ugh gross Johnny why do you do this? You and Hawk just stand there for a bit looking at each other; him overcome by his anxiety and you overcome by confusion.

“Eli, honey, what’s all this?” As Hawk handed you the flowers, “Listen Princess, I heard you and Sensei talking the other day and earlier… and looking at your multiple bruises I was afraid my theory was right. Who is he?” Hawks' voice grew dark and very angry. You start to breathe hard and say, “Hawk, it’s over between him and I. Don’t worry. I’m okay. Really, don’t worry.” Those pesky tears start to come up again. Eli’s expression softens when he looks into your eyes, “You didn’t deserve it.” You shake your head, “Yes, I did. It was my fault.” And Hawk exclaims, “How could you think something like that? Do you even realize how incredibly perfect you are?” You shake your head in disbelief, your stomach starting to roll.

“Eli… where are you going with this?” You look at him trying to hold back tears.

“You know what? No. You didn’t deserve it. He’s an asshole. Y/N, you’re truly one of the best people I have ever met. You’re beautiful, kind, smart, and you’re so funny. You support us through anything. You’re truly an amazing human being, babe. I really like you. Like like you.” Even though you knew Hawks' confession was genuine you couldn’t help but think that he was joking with you. You ask, “Eli, are you sure? I can’t believe this. You can have anybody you want. Why would you waste your time on me? I’m worthless.”

Eli takes your face in his hands and says, “Don’t you ever say that again. You are worth so much more than you realize. You’re the best, Y/N. Please, give me a chance. Let me show you. Let me help you learn how to find your worth again. I’m not wanting to save you but I am willing to help you save yourself. You won’t have to pick up the pieces this time on your own.” This is when it all came crashing down you couldn’t hold it in anymore. You start sobbing on the poor guy. All he can do is hug you and kiss you on the forehead.

“Eli, I’m so scared. I’ve been so scared. So tired. So alone.” You mutter through your sobs. Eli starts tearing up with you, “Yeah, I know. I know. I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you tell me?” You look at him deep in the eyes and say, “don’t get mad at me… but I didn’t want to burden you.”

Eli hugs you tighter and mutters, “I’m not mad at you. How could I be mad at you? Don’t worry. You’ll never have to worry or be scared again.” You whisper a quiet “thank you” as you two stand there for a while in an embrace.

The next morning, you wake up with Hawk beside you. Nothing happened besides a movie night and a night full of deep and in-depth talks. Talking about self esteem, your toxic relationship, Eli getting bullied, and hell! You even talked about Johnny’s failed relationships but you both had the hope that he and Carmen would stay together. They were so happy together.

You had always given yourself and Eli a thought but… you never really had enough time to think think about it.

You leave at sunrise to retrieve your gi and shower just before class started.

You get out of the shower, that you didn’t cry in this time, and take a look in the mirror and you start to smile a little. Maybe this time you can save yourself from a whole world of hurt. This time you’re gonna allow yourself to grow and fix yourself, you’re sure you might need the help from your friends especially Eli, but you’re not afraid to ask this time. I mean, you love him after all. You both show up to the dojo at the same time and see Miguel and Demetri with humongous smirks on their faces. Hawk is the first to get out of his car.

“Dude wipe that damn smirk off your face. Nothing happened. Some shit really went down.” You look at Hawk and them and furrow your brows. You get out of your car and say “what are you three arguing about this time?” And Miguel answers with, “Ahh, nothing. Just bullshit.”

You planned to tell them soon… about everything. You deserved a bond with them as well. They were good listeners and good friends and you trusted them. You were going to tell them after class over lunch while you and Hawk would sit together and hold each other’s hands; him allowing you to squeeze his whenever you needed extra support.

You three start to walk towards Miyagi Fang karate as Hawk slips his hand in yours and your fingers just melt perfectly together. You see Miguel give a small smile towards you both but you don’t say anything because Hawk can be a little emotionally hardened besides when it comes to talking to you. You couldn’t wait to open up to the ones who mean the most to you and allow yourself to become strong and full of love and positivity. You can thank your friends, your Sensei, and mostly yourself for everything.

This time you didn’t have to pick up your pieces all alone.

A/N: I hope you liked this one! 💕 thank you for reading!

#cobra kai #johnny lawrence #daniel larusso #miguel diaz #eli moskowitz #hawk moskowitz #demetri cobra kai #samantha larusso #karate kid #hawk x reader #eli moskowitz x reader #cobra kai imagine

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marvelslut16 · 3 years

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The one with two Pietro’s

Pairing: Pietro x reader, Wandavision!Pietro (Peter Maximoff) x reader FORCED

Synopsis: you find yourself in Westview living with Wanda, Vision, the boys, and your boyfriend Pietro. But happens when you start to remember your Pietro and figure out what Wanda’s doing to you and everyone else?

Word count: 1.4k+

Warnings: Swearing I think. Angst. Fluff if you squint. Mind control. Forced relationship. Briefly mentions the idea of a forced magical pregnancy. Bullet wounds. Death. Grief I suppose. Mentions pmsing. The over use of italics. Kinda feel like I make Wanda a psychotic asshole. SPOILERS FOR WANDAVISION!

A/N: This was so much fun to write! Probably the darkest thing I’ve ever written, if you can really call it dark. Writing for Wandavision was a fun little challenge. Takes place in the 90′s so my title is a reference to friends, and so is a tv show character I use in the one shot. Pretend Evan Peters’ hair isn’t that blonde cause I will always see him with the silver he has in xmen and wrote him as such.

"Vision, that's not my Pietro," you mutter in horror to your friend as the two of you stand in the kitchen.

You’re not quite sure what makes you say it, but you’re glad you do when you glance at the new Pietro in the living room, he's been playing video games with Tommy and Billy for close to an hour now. He's sweet and funny, but he's just not your Pietro.

"I'm afraid not, (Y/N)," Vision's voice is sullen, but he's glad you're not in on Wanda's mind games. Unless you are, and this is just another way for Wanda to mess with him. He’s not quite sure what’s happening, but he knows from what you’ve reminisced in passing to him about Pietro on nights when Wanda isn’t in the room, that that’s not the Pietro you know and love.

"Oh my god," you murmur, hand coming to your mouth as little bits and pieces of memories race through your head. The genuine pain, horror, and sadness that cross your face make it obvious to Vision you're being manipulated like everyone else, even if you are Wanda's oldest friend. "My Pietro, he had an accent."

Your knees buckle when you hear his native accent saying his catchphrase in your head, 'you didn't see that coming.' Vision rushes to your side to help you stand more firmly.

"His face was longer, hair a white blonde not silver, his body more toned, and he had gorgeous blue eyes- bluest eyes I've ever seen," you grip onto Vision's arms as you imagine moments with your Pietro.

You grew up in the cell beside his and Wanda's, immediately forming a sisterly connection with her at a young age while Pietro hated you. He would tease you, pull on your pigtails, and steal some of your food on the off chance you three were eating outside of your cells. Over the years the teasing turned to flirting, and your dislike for him turned into a huge crush.

One night-a night you can normally remember with full clarity- after Hydra fell and before Ultron, the two of you were out on a walk, much to Pietro's chagrin. You were telling him about this new book that you were reading and how the characters annoyed you so because they were obviously in love but wouldn't admit it. Pietro zoomed in front of you, causing you to smack into his chest and almost fall to the ground, you would have if not for Pietro's arms wrapping around your waist and bringing you close to his toned chest.

The wind was blowing his hair into his eyes ever so slightly, so without thinking you reached up to move it out of his face and away from his eye. The small act of tenderness that you had displayed caused Pietro to give into his desires, he leaned in and his wind chapped lips descended onto yours. You melted into the kiss, clinging tightly to his biceps to ground you. One of his hands slipped down from your waist to squeeze your ass, the other wrapped more tightly around your waist and kept you anchored to him.

"I love you, Printesa, I have since we were kids," he admits when you pull apart for air, leaning his forehead on yours.

"I love you too, Quicksilver," you use the superhero nickname he gave himself when you were twelve. He grins before attaching his lips to yours once more, it was an unforgettable kiss that filled you with warmth and hope for your future.

"(Y/N), are you okay?" Vision's voice brings you back to reality, or whatever this is.

"No," your voice cracks as you remember the last kiss Pietro planted on your lips, right before he protected Clint. The memory that still haunts your dreams, seeing him with all those bullet holes and knowing there was nothing you could do to save him. "What kind of person forgets the love of their life? I'm a terrible person Vis!"

"No you aren't (Y/N)," the sincerity in Vision's voice makes you really believe him. "Wanda's doing this, she didn't want you to remember."

You gasp as another memory floods your mind. You had agreed to go on a road trip with Wanda after being resurrected from Bruce's snap and defeating Thanos. You both wanted a break, or so you thought.

Wanda had stopped right when you had passed the entrance into Westview, she claimed to be checking her directions when you asked why she had stopped in the middle of nowhere. And no matter how weird it was that she chose to stop at the border to the town and not at a gas station, you believed your best friend and sister in law because she had no reason to lie to you.

A moment later her eyes and hands were glowing red as she touched your temple. She pushed all your memories behind a wall in your brain, then filled your head with memories of a happy life with her and Vision in Westview.

She did it again when 'Pietro' showed up on your guy’s doorstep, this time filling your head with memories of him. Memories of a different first kiss, but an eerily similar first date to the one you and your Pietro had. It makes sense to you now, you and Pietro had never told Wanda the real story of your first kiss, instead telling her you had it weeks later on your first date. You had tried to keep your relationship a secret for a little because you didn't want to make it awkward for Wanda if it didn't work out.

Another thing she didn't add was your engagement and subsequent marriage to her brother. In this reality you and 'Pietro' are just dating. You have to assume that it's because it happened weeks before the battle against Ultron and she doesn't want to remember anything that close to her brother's death.

The thing about the new Pietro is that he seems to rub Wanda the wrong way, something your Pietro never did. He makes comments that you know yours would never, and Wanda always tenses up near him. This Pietro likes to show you off more than yours did, which is saying a lot because your’s used to cling to your side, praise you, and show you off in town when girls would flirt with him. Every time this Pietro kisses you it doesn’t feel right, it’s nowhere near the earth shattering kisses that you had somehow managed to remember from the deep parts of your brain.

"My ring," you shudder in horror when you realize the diamond ring that your Pietro stole from the jeweler in Sokovia is no longer sitting delicately on your left ring finger like it was before entering Westview. You hastily search your body for your most prized possession, sighing in relief when you find it hanging from a simple silver chain around your neck.

"(Y/N)," Vision says gently, resting a hand on your shoulder, it’s one of the few times he doesn’t know what to say.

"He's dead," you cry, knees buckling under your weight again. This time you catch yourself on the kitchen table, before sinking in the seat to your right.

"Who's dead?" Wanda appears in the doorway out of nowhere. She has an innocent, concerned expression on her face, but the tilt of her head tells you she'll come take your memories away again if you slip up in the slightest.

"Dr. Drake Ramoray on Days Of Our Lives, the soap opera I was watching this afternoon when you and the boys were out. He fell down the elevator shaft, and I'm apparently taking it harder than I thought I would. I must be pmsing or something."

"Or maybe you're pregnant," there's a red glint in her eyes that scares you to no end.

"Oh," you swallow the lump in your throat, and hold back the bile rising up your throat from anxiety. "I don't think so, I'm not ready to be a mother yet."

"It would be so fun though," 'Pietro' zooms behind your seat, leaning down to place a kiss on your cheek. "Little mini me's and you's running around the house with Billy and Tommy."

"I think two super human children are enough for the house right now," you let out an uncomfortable giggle. You and Vision side eye each other, both very aware that you'll probably be as pregnant as Wanda was a few days ago within the week.

#pietro x reader #pietro x you #pietro x y/n #pietro imagine #pietro one shot #pietro maximoff x reader #peter maximoff #marvel #marvel one shot #marvel imagine #wandavision #wandavision spoilers #wandavision imagine #quicksilver #quicksilver x reader #marvel fanfiction #pietro maximoff imagine #pietro maximoff one shot #pietro maximoff fanfiction

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bobohu4eva · 3 years

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Sweet Tooth (Part 2)

Characters: Baekhyun x Reader

Genre: Royalty AU, fluff, angst, eventual smut, mutual pining

Summary: Life as the palace baker got a lot more interesting after catching the devastatingly cute prince sneaking around your kitchen.

WC: 4.3k

Tag List: @wooya1224 @dixnysustae @bbhile @geniusloey @blahblahblah-boo @leave-me-in-the-summertime

Masterlist

“Good morning!”

The egg hit the counter with more force than intended, enough to be smashed completely and leave your hand a sticky mess.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to sneak up on you.” You heard from behind you accompanied by a giggle.

You turned around, smiling and trying your best to play it cool. The devastatingly cute prince had not just seen you smash an egg on the counter. And he definitely didn't notice how you were hiding your egg covered hand behind your back. Hopefully. At least that’s what you told yourself for the sake of your sanity.

You’d been jumpy for a reason. You knew he would be there again today, and you still didn’t quite know what to do about it or how to act around the guy. Sure he was funny and cute and honestly quite pleasant to be around but he was still very much the prince.

“I’m okay! Good morning to you as well.” You bowed to him before quickly finding something to clean the raw egg off your hand and work table.

Luckily he didn’t comment on your little egg mishap any further. Instead he rounded the table until he was standing on the other side of it and he pulled up a stool and sat down the same way he had the day before, elbow on the table, with his chin resting on his hands looking at you expectantly.

“So? Fruit tart?”

“Yes, fruit tart. Shall we get started?” He quickly nodded. “Would you like me to only show you how I make it or do you want to do some of it too?”

“Oh, uh, I hadn’t really thought about that… Can I just jump in if there's something that looks easy?”

A smile spread across your lips. You’d almost forgotten in the short 24 hours you hadn’t seen him just how non-aristocratic the man acted, but what a relief it was.

“Yes, if that’s what you’d like. Let’s get started? The first thing we need to make is the tart dough.”

As you started to gather your ingredients you found it more and more difficult to focus. He wasn’t wearing pajamas anymore, he was wearing what the princes usually wear. It was very attractive. He looked, well, like a damn prince. And you were expected to just act normal? When he strolled into your bakery looking that good?? It felt very unfair. He was just wearing a thin white cotton shirt and black pants but you couldn’t help but ogle him when he wasn’t looking. His broad back, the swell of his chest, it was too much to handle. Combined with the messy head of hair and lazy smile, it had you weak in the knees.

You combined your flour, sugar, and butter and started to add your water with shaky hands, before beginning to knead it.

“Can I do that?” He asked as he got up and walked over to your side of the table.

You nodded and handed him the dough and watched as he started to clumsily smack it against the table. That was when you noticed his hands, and how pretty they were. They were slender but not bony, and you found your mind wandering off, wondering how they would feel holding yours. They were probably so soft. The mole on his thumb was so cute.

“Don’t do too much, or else the dough will get tough.” You said quickly as you snapped back to reality, reaching for the dough and he let go of it. You internally cursed yourself for getting carried away daydreaming about the man’s hands of all things.

He stayed standing next to you, watching you, as you started to roll the ball of dough out into a big enough circle to fill your tart pan. You picked it up and started to press it into the edges and the whole time you were incredibly aware of his eyes on you. You almost wished he would do something embarrassing again so you could stop being so nervous.

“You’re so quiet today.”

“People tend to like me better when I talk less.”

You frowned. “I liked talking with you yesterday.”

You could’ve sworn you saw the man blush, but you pushed the thought aside, not wanting to think about that while you had a task to complete. It would be all too embarrassing if you messed up a mere fruit tart just because there was a pretty boy distracting you.

And he couldn’t actually be blushing at that. Right?

“I expected you to be stuck up, but you aren’t at all. That was a big relief. And I think you’re kind of funny. And like I said yesterday, it can get lonely here so I’m happy to have some company.”

“You can still ask me to leave any time if I’m getting bothersome, I’ll understand.”

You looked up to meet eyes with him and gave him a small smile. You didn’t quite understand why he said such things but you very much felt the need to comfort the guy anyway.

“You aren’t bothersome. It’s nice to have someone to talk to here.”

“Thank you, I appreciate that a lot.”

He was looking down at the table now, and this time you knew he was blushing. His pink cheeks had pulled up into a small smile. Cute.

“Is that ready to bake?” He asked when he saw that you were done touching the dough.

You nodded, and before you could react he picked up the pan and walked it over to the oven before putting it inside and closing the door.

It wasn’t on purpose that you were being so quiet now. You were getting quite flustered and didn’t want to say anything embarrassing. He was the prince, you couldn’t exactly explain to him that you were having trouble focusing because of how attractive he was.

“So? What now?”

You were quickly brought back to reality by his words and realized you’d been staring at him the whole time. Like a weirdo. You could only pray that he wasn’t catching on to your odd behavior.

“The filling!” You said, a bit too loudly, as you shook yourself out of your thoughts.

You started grabbing ingredients again, keeping your eyes anywhere but on him. Once you had everything gathered, you combined the egg, sugar, and starch and handed the bowl to him.

“Do you want to mix it?”

He nodded with an adorably excited look on his face as he took the bowl from you and started to whisk the mixture together. In the meantime you began to heat up your fruit puree, and by the time it was warm enough you took the bowl from him and started to temper the egg mixture into the hot fruit. You put it back on the heat for a little while longer to make sure it got thick enough and by the time it was done it was time to take the crust out of the oven as well.

The whole time you carefully poured the filling into the crust you knew his eyes were on you but you couldn’t bring yourself to acknowledge him, out of fear of what you might do to embarrass yourself if you did. It was too quiet for too long. You still hadn’t spoken when you started to gather various fruits to start chopping up to put on top of the tart.

“I can leave if you really don’t want me here, you don’t have to lie and tell me it’s okay just because I’m the prince, I can tell I’m bothering you.” He mumbled and you finally brought yourself to look him in the eyes.

He looked upset. Your heart ached. You realized just how cold your actions must’ve come across to him, even though you hadn’t meant it that way at all.

“No! I promise you aren’t bothering me, really, I just… I’m not used to having someone back here with me watching me, especially someone like you.”

Much to your disappointment this didn’t seem to cheer him up, his face remained just as sad as it had looked a second ago.

“Someone like me?”

“You know, royalty. I work for your family after all, so it’s a bit nerve wracking for you to watch everything I do.”

“Oh…” His face softened a bit, and it seemed to you that he genuinely hadn’t considered that yet. “I’m sorry, but you really don’t have to be nervous, I won’t mind even if you mess something up. I promise I’m nice.”

You couldn’t help but smile at his words. He was a nice person, you knew that much already, if anything he could stand to be a bit more sure of himself. You felt bad that you’d hurt his feelings so easily by making him think he was being a nuisance.

“You are really nice, I can tell that much, I guess I just don’t really know you yet.”

“Well then what would you like to know about me? Ask away, I’m an open book.”

You looked at him with one eyebrow raised, wondering what you could even ask someone like him.

“Well, what’s it like being the prince?”

He frowned, obviously disappointed with your question. “Not great. Next question.”

Not great?

“Well what’s something you do like about it?”

He tilted his head to the side and pushed out his bottom lip a bit as he thought of an answer. You wondered if he did this on purpose, if he knew how adorable he was and liked to see you get all riled up because of him, but he seemed too oblivious for that to be the case.

After a few seconds his lips formed a wide grin and his eyes met yours. “The food.” He said.

That time you knew he saw you blush, and you even had to cover your mouth as a surprised laugh rolled off your lips.

“I’m just being honest, I don’t care about power and titles and all that, and I don’t need to live in a castle to be happy. I’m a simple man. But the food is a really nice bonus.”

“The cooks are really talented, I can see why you like that so much.” You said, now focusing back on the fruit you were chopping up.

“You too though, and sweets are my favorite.” He said, picking up a piece of strawberry you had just chopped to put on the tart and popping it into his mouth instead.

Your eyes traveled from his hand, as it grabbed the piece of fruit, to his face as he brought it to his perfectly smooth, pink, lips. You watched his face as he ate the strawberry, not realizing that you were once again staring.

“Is there something on my face?” He asked, with the cutest look of confusion on his face.

Somehow, you felt yourself blush even harder at that. “No, sorry, I just spaced out for a second.” You lied.

“Why is your face so red?”

“Is it?” You tried your best to act casual, quickly changing the subject. “So what do princes do in their free time?”

He made that same face again, the little pout that showed you he was thinking of an answer.

“Well, I like to get out of the palace. Take my horse out into the woods or through town, anything to get out and feel some fresh air and not be bothered. Or go on a walk through the gardens. I’ve seen you there a few times, by the way, reading.”

“Oh…” You didn’t quite know how to respond. You must’ve been so caught up in your books that you’d never noticed when he was there.

“I sometimes wondered who you were, but I didn’t want to bother you since you always seemed so invested in what you were doing.”

You felt another twinge of embarrassment, thinking about the romance novels you would sometimes spend hours totally consumed in.

“Well, next time you should come say hello if you see me.”

His cheeks and ears started to look like they were turning pink again, although you couldn’t understand why. He had looked down at the table, and one hand was scratching the back of his neck. He had paused. He almost looked a bit nervous.

“Y/n?”

“Yeah?”

“Can we be friends?”

His eyes finally looked up to meet yours and the pout on his face as he nervously waited for your response made you feel crazy. There was no way in hell you could look back at him when he looked like that and say no.

You put a small smile to your lips and nodded, and to your relief his face immediately lit up into a wide smile.

“Thank you, Creampuff.”

You rolled your eyes at the nickname.

“I have to come up with a stupid name for you too now that we’re friends you know.”

“Well, then I am greatly looking forward to what you can come up with.“ He said grinning, and taking another piece of fruit you’d just carefully sliced.

“If you eat all my fruit before it can go on top it’s not going to be much of a fruit tart!”

He was giggling hysterically now, making a show of it, grabbing several more pieces of fruit and holding them up in the air, out of your reach..

“That’s okay, the topping is the best part anyway.” He snickered as he brought another piece of your oh so painstakingly chopped fruit to his lips.

Was it a good idea to befriend the prince? Probably not, however you didn’t want to think too hard about that since it was too late now anyway.

You had a fruit tart to finish, so you dragged your mind back to the task at hand.

“Baekhyun, do you want to put the fruit on top? Or are you just going to eat all of it as is?” You teased, gesturing towards your still naked tart with the pile of chopped fruit next to it.

“Okay okay I guess I can put some on top too.”

You watched as he started arranging the variously shaped fruit pieces atop the tart, and you once again marveled at his hands.

“So do I get help, or do I have to figure this part out myself? You always make them look so pretty, I don’t think I have the same artistic touch you do.”

You smiled at the compliment, more than you probably should have. Something about this guy enjoying your work so much was just too good to be true.

You felt silly. So silly. Has it really been so long since you’d had an interaction with a cute boy that you simply couldn’t handle yourself? He had to notice by now. It had to be painfully obvious why you were so flustered, right?

At that point you were openly staring. Luckily for you, he was actually pretty focused on making the tart look nice, so he didn’t seem to notice your eyes on him. His fingers had a slight sheen to them from the juices from the fruit and it took everything in you to not grab his pretty hands and lick them clean yourself.

“So? Y/n?”

You hadn’t even answered his question yet and you were already off in a little daydream about him.

You were crazy. You took a deep breath, recomposing yourself for the nth time.

“I’d like to see what you come up with.” You said, trying to sound as playful as you possible with how hard your heart was beating.

He gave you a smirk that told you he had accepted your challenge. His focus went back to the table and he started carefully arranging and rearranging his work.

Then, he was finished. The last of the fruit had been placed atop the cream filled crust. It actually looked okay, you were even slightly impressed with his artistic vision.

“How did I do?” You heard his ask as he set down his finished creation and looked at you with a pleased grin. He took his bottom lip between his perfect teeth, looking at you with those familiar puppy eyes and you wanted to scream at how cute he looked right then.

“It looks really nice. Not how I would’ve done it, but pretty.”

“Well if I did it exactly how you do it I would just be copying you and you wanted to see what I could do so how could I possibly even think to do something so unoriginal?” He looked very pleased with your response.

“You wouldn’t be able to make it look like mine even if you did try to. You just don’t have that special touch.” You responded, surprising yourself with your teasing tone.

Baekhyun perked up at your words, raising an eyebrow at you.

“What? You said it yourself earlier.” He really had. But you knew he was ready to fight you about it now anyway.

“I just need more chances to prove myself, but I think I did pretty damn good just now for someone who hasn’t prepared his own food in his life ever.”

“You’re so spoiled.” You giggled, plucking a piece of fruit off the tart and placing it between your lips, keeping your eyes locked with his. You weren’t sure where this new surge of confidence was coming from, but you decided to just go with it.

“Hey! I can’t help who I was born as!”

“That doesn’t mean you aren’t still spoiled.”

“You’re so mean to me.” He whined, obviously just trying to get a rise out of you. Unfortunately it worked very well for him. His little pout when he pushed out his bottom lip and furrowed his brows ever so slightly, was almost too cute to handle.

“Yeah, but you’re still here with me for some reason. Now are you finally going to eat your tart?”

He’d once again gone all bashful on you, acting like you were somehow the one in charge here when his family basically owned you.

“Can you cut it?” The words rolled off his lips softly.

You nodded, grabbing the sharpest knife you had, and started cutting the tart into slices.

It immediately felt wrong. You realized you’d fucked up.

The filling was still too warm to cut. It wasn’t fully set. It would start oozing into a big puddle of fruit goo as soon as you’d touch it.

It was so obvious. Of course you shouldn’t have cut into it already. Of course it wasn’t ready yet. You knew that, but your mind had been elsewhere. It was a dumb, dumb mistake and you felt it start to chip away at the last bit of sanity you had left.

You closed your eyes, clenching your jaw as you made a second cut, but you knew you were only making matters worse. It was already ruined. You put your knife down and squeezed your eyes shut, trying to fight the tightness in your chest and the tears that were building in your eyes.

“Creampuff?”

The nickname just made it hurt more. The way he said it so softly was too cruel. You failed to suppress the sob that wracked through you and the tears flowed freely down your cheeks, which were now deeply tinted with your embarrassment.

“I’m sorry.” You choked out. “I messed it up. It’s ruined.”

“Huh?” The look on his face as he watched you cry could only be described as a combination of worry and panic.

He didn’t get it. It still looked fine. Before you could stop him he picked up a piece and you watched as the beautiful and delicious little project you’d spent all morning working on with him fell apart. His carefully arranged fruit topping was destroyed as the filing slowly sagged into the missing gap and his slice turned into a messy glob.

“Where are the spoons?”

You looked at him like he was crazy.

You watched as he picked up the two forks on the table. “I don’t think a fork is going to work for this, can you give me a spoon please?”

You were a wreck. You were crying, sobbing even, and here he was asking you for a spoon so he could try at least one pathetic bite of your fruit tart turned pudding mess.

“Y/n?” It was barely a whisper this time. “Why are you crying? I said it’s okay even if you mess up. I’m not mad at you.”

Swallowing your tears, you reached into a nearby drawer, grabbed hastily at its contents, and shoved a spoon into his hand.

It was huge. The kind of spoon that was usually used for mixing large salads. You didn’t even understand why you had such a monstrosity in your little bakery.

Baekhyun stared at the ridiculous instrument you had just thrust into his unsuspecting palm as you let out a few more sniffles.

Then he let out a loud laugh. “This thing?!” He thought it was hilarious. “Are you trying to fatten me up? You know my mom always told me that my good looks were the only good thing I have going for me, don’t go ruining that now. I can’t afford to get chubby.”

You let out a whine and opened the drawer again, this time paying better attention to what you were grabbing. You pulled out two normal sized spoons.

He watched as you set them down on the table and frowned when he saw how upset you still looked, despite his joking around. You didn’t touch your spoon, still too upset to want to try a bite of your mistake. He didn’t seem to care though, immediately scooping up a spoonful and taking a large bite.

He let out a pleased hum as he finished his bite. “I don’t understand why you’re so upset, this is still pretty amazing if you ask me, thank you so much for letting me make it with you.”

He genuinely seemed to not mind. He kept happily eating it. But you didn’t feel any better. This was your job, your thing, and he’d seen you make such a stupid mistake, and on just the second day he’d met you. It was embarrassing more than anything else. What if he thinks you’re bad at your job?

“I’m sorry.” You let out again quietly and this time he didn’t tease you or make a dumb joke. He looked concerned. When you felt a tear roll down your cheek, he looked scared.

“Why are you still crying?” He put his spoon down. He was rounding the table to walk to the other side, to where you were standing. Once he was standing directly in front of you he froze. He’d lifted one arm slightly, as if he was reaching out for you, but it quickly dropped to his side again. You took a shaky step back but he moved with you.

“I promise I’m not here to judge you, I just wanted some time with someone who’s nice to me for once. And the tart is still amazing. And I know everything else you make is amazing too, because I’ve been eating it for years.”

You made the mistake of looking up into his big brown eyes. His cute slightly droopy looking eyes that sat perfectly atop his smooth, round cheeks. The look he gave you was too sweet to bear. You let out another sob.

He turned towards the table. He grabbed your spoon, hastily taking a scoop and shoving it into your mouth before you even had time to react.

“See? It’s good. Really good. Who cares if it melted or whatever. That’s like, the least important part. It’s food. It’s supposed to taste good. And it tastes super fucking good.”

You chewed slowly as he spoke, still standing far too close for comfort. He watched as you ate with tear stained cheeks. When you swallowed his hand moved. He was reaching for your face. You felt his thumb lightly brush the corner of your mouth, removing the small drop of cream that had ended up there. He brought his finger back up to his lips and he licked off the bit of cream, eyes never leaving yours.

“Delicious.” He whispered.

Panic was setting in now. You couldn’t find it in yourself to cry anymore. You felt like you needed to escape. You couldn’t trust yourself to not make a fool of yourself right now, even more than you already had. The poor guy would probably never wanna come bake with you again. The thought of not spending time with him again like this hurt more than you expected it to.

You stared again, too taken aback by his actions to get any words out. He was closer now. You weren’t quite sure when he’d gotten so close, close enough that you could smell the lingering scent of sweet fruit on his breath.

He was right there, and he was staring right back at you, close enough to touch. Your mind was slowing down and you swore you saw his eyes flicker down to your lips, before he cleared his throat and took a step back.

“I’m sorry, I think I should go. The tart is amazing, really. Thank you again.”

He turned to leave, and the words left you before you had time to think about it. “Are you still going to come back?”

He turned back to look at you, a reassuring smile on his pretty face. “Of course, Creampuff.”

Next Chapter

#exo #baekhyun #baekhyun fluff #baekhyun fic #baekhyun fanfic #baekhyun smut #exo fic #exo fluff #exo smut

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rexismycopilot · 3 years

Text

Imma try some fanfic recs for fanfic writer appreciation day

disclaimer: if I don't add you to the list, it's only because I am useless and I don't read everything that I should even though I want to because I'm scared that reading too much fanfic will make me inadvertently steal something or make me feel very inferior

To Know You by @seafoam-oceans Seriously... this one is so freaking good. If you've read anything by me, you know how much I love consent and omg the enthusiastic consent!! And Anakin beginning to understand himself more. Holy shit.

Denial, then Acceptance (series) by @obi-wkenobi This is a four part series that is pure perfection. First of all, the author is an excellent storyteller. Secondly, the series is so full of such heavy and real emotions that it feels like it could actually happen in canon. When I was reading this, I really felt for both Obi-Wan and Anakin and even despite their struggles to communicate, I was all about them working through it (with a little help from Ahsoka).

this is how we forget by @lynnpaper This is a post-Zygerria arc that is somehow one of the most stunning and emotional things I've ever read. I think it's pretty clear that I really crave hurt/comfort fics and holy cow does this deliver. The prose is amazing, the story immaculate, the hurt so well delivered, and the comfort is given in such exquisite doses. (honestly, just go read everything by them)

Exceptions by rinverse I just keep coming back to this one over and over again. It's so good. The pining. The realization of what Anakin eventually wants. The friendship and bond that forms between these two after a one-night-stand. I love it so so so much.

The strongest stars... by @tomicaleto This is just so brilliant??? The story line just flows so well with ROTS and it's a stroke of brilliance to have certain story elements (that I don't want to give away until you read it). The smut is so good and it's just wonderful to see have these two characters together like this.

Recipe for Disaster by @tennessoui Just so freaking cute. The author's style is so funny and I was drawn in immediately. As a person who considers themselves fairly competent in the kitchen, the second chapter was one of the funniest things I've ever read.

Mind over Matter by @peachybitters This is Qui-Gon & Obi-Wan (as master and apprentice) and the way this one is written is so well-done. It's completely non-sexual and focuses only on their relationship as Master and Padawan and that's what makes it so perfect. Obi-Wan makes a (significant) mistake and Qui-Gon punishes him for it, but there's no hint of animosity between the two. The thing I love about it is the partnership that these two clearly have.

Analyzing Anakin by @adaliak Apparently, this was supposed to be a funny fic, but it turned angsty and boy did it. IT REALLY TURNED ANGSTY. Chapter 1 is a therapist analyzing Anakin pre-Order 66 and chapter 2 is the same therapist with Darth Vader. The first chapter tore me to shreds and the second, well, I did laugh, but I also felt an immense amount of sadness. Feels are good though, I remind myself.

Kylo Ren | Ben Solo / Armitage Hux (series) by @aegir-emblem JFC. Talk about a ship I never thought I'd like. Seriously. I'm really not much of a "shipper." BUT HERE I AM. There are so many dynamics here that are hard to navigate and they do this with such stellar care, I just can't. It sends me.

9 to 5 by @allegoryofthebeast For all the Anidala fans... holy shit this is so good. Normally, I read fanfic and I think, "if it doesn't have Obi, what's the point?" This is the point. Anakin being on edge and pacing and Padme sending him out of the room only for Anakin to be bombarded with women all up in his business. And he's so oblivious! I love it more than words can say.

I know I'm missing so many and I only mentioned one work from each author when they have so many amazing works!!

And I know I'm missing so many amazing authors and if you didn't end up on this list I'm genuinely sorry it's because I just either forgot or haven't read something from you... :( please forgive me

#fanfic recs #obikin #mostly #but not all!#i love all of the fanfic authors on here #you all do so much work and i love you

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more-stuff-of-pi · 3 years

Text

I’ll Fight For You

a/n: lmao i swear i’m fine, just needed good ol’ kiri to assist me in a v self-indulgent fic. also, sorry for taking forever to write something yoinks

notes: did i read through this after i wrote it? nope. we’re fucking rolling with the audacity of not even a single ounce of beta-ing. requests are open :) find my masterlist here

pairing: kirishima eijirou x fem!reader | genre: angst (w/happy ending) / hurt/comfort | warnings: abusive mother (mental/verbal), a father who doesn’t intervene | word count: 2,018

Your boyfriend was practically vibrating with nerves as he adjusted his hair in the mirror. It was artfully piled on top of his head, his dark roots making a sharp contrast against the vibrant red.

“Ei,” you smiled, “you’re gonna be fine.”

He worried his sharp teeth against his bottom lip, frowning all the while. “But what if they--?”

“They’re going to love you, Ei. Probably even more than they love me,” you joke, coming up behind Eijirou’s monstrously large form. Hero work had been both kind and harsh on him but he made it look effortlessly good. You gently slid your arms around his waist as you angled yourself so that you could still eye his reflection.

“I’m just… worried, is all.”

You cock your eyebrow. “About what, Ei?”

He incredulously meets your gaze through the mirror. “What do you mean, about what?!”

It dawns on you a little bit. “Oh, well, she’s not going to be mean to you, Ei. She knows how to play nice when it counts. And you, good sir, count.”

“That’s not as reassuring as it is worrying, you know.”

“My mother is just a little intense, babe, it’s nothing I’m not used to. Like I said, she knows how to tone it down in front of others. I’m sure tonight will be fine. I probably just exaggerate everytime I whine about her, so she’s probably not even half as bad as I make her sound,” you shrug, leaning more into Eijirou’s side.

“Baby,” he sighs, twisting a little to look directly at you, no mirror this time. His eyes are sad yet firm as if wishing you to understand that there’s no need to defend yourself with him.

You squeeze him tighter before letting go and walking to the door. “C’mon, we’ll be late if we don’t leave now.”

❁

You always forget that you don’t really ever exaggerate your mother’s behavior towards you until you’re around her again. Everything as far as introducing your boyfriend to your parents has been going incredibly smoothly. Your dad enthusiastically engaged Eijirou in hero stories, talking about Red Riot’s most recent media appearance where he was dressed in pajamas and carrying tubs of various ice creams you both had wanted to try when he dropped everything to prevent a construction beam from falling on clueless bystanders. Only one tub of ice cream had survived and luck had it that it was your least favorite flavor combination. Your mother praised Eijirou for his success and his coupling good looks at which she winked, making your boyfriend flush both at the phrase and the uncomfortable comments your mother directed at him. You winced at that, having forgotten to prepare him for the habitual talent your mother had of sexualizing anything, especially if it would ‘embarrass’ her child.

Your mother had made off handed comments throughout the whole night that you seemed to be the only one to pick up on. Your dad might have noticed a few but, as usual, he only looked at you apologetically, never interrupting his wife to stand up for you.

As much as you loved both of your parents and as much as they had their good moments, this fucking sucked.

“--not that she’s any good with that quirk of hers, of course,” your mother snickered as she brought the glass to her lips. You had become a good actor over the years in order to avoid your mother’s bullying over your ‘sensitiveness’, but something about her dismissing your hard work always immediately dismantled whatever mask you had thrown on. To cover what you know must be a crestfallen look, you give a laugh, something that could be called half-hearted at best. Your eyes remained trained on your food. “Oh come on, Y/n, that was funny.”

You chuckled again, hoping to force some genuineness into it. “Yeah--”

“No, it wasn’t,” Eijirou immediately cuts you off, voice straining with anger. You felt your face drain of blood as you noticed how tightly he was gripping his chopsticks. He was fuming. You don’t think you’d ever seen him angry before. The thought scared you. “That was just mean.”

Your mother quirked an unimpressed, subtly pissed brow at your boyfriend. “Don’t be sensitive, Eijirou. House rules: if it’s mean but funny, it’s okay.”

“As long as you get a laugh from it, it’s okay to abuse your child?” He spits at her like venom.

Your mother sets her glass down, eyes narrowing. “Excuse me?”

“You heard--”

You slap a hand over Eijirou’s bicep, squeezing so hard you wouldn’t be surprised if he ended up bruising. “It’s fine! Nothing I’m used to! I grew up on the ‘if it’s mean but funny’ rule, so it’s fine.”

The look he gave you was of incredulous anger. “No, it is not--!”

“Please, Ei. Please, just--,” you averted your eyes, ashamed of your own familiar defeat. “Just sit.”

Shamefully, you slide back into your seat, nervously smoothing out a napkin back onto your lap. Eijirou still stood beside you, staring daggers at your mother who effortlessly returned it. His fists were balled, the veins in his hands flexing with the effort of restraining himself. His jaw snapped shut with an audible clamp as he resolved himself to sitting back down.

Your dad clears his throat, more so than necessary as if the harder he did it, the better he could dissipate the tension. “Done, everyone?” No one answers him. He takes that as the go ahead to begin clearing dishes, desperately jumping at the opportunity to escape your mother’s impending tantrum. You loved your dad very much but, god, he was nothing if not a coward, always leaving you to fight your own battles. You don’t think you’ve ever won.

Your mother returns her cold attention to you, the ice starting to thicken and your mother’s hollow kindness starting to retreat along with her patience. “What are you even doing to help train your quirk, sweetie?”

Taken aback, you met her gaze. “W-what do you mean?”

“I mean, I don’t ever see you doing anything at all to help. You do realize that training takes work, right? What does it take? It takes--,” your mother trailed off, flourishing both hands to motion for you to finish the sentence.

“Effort--”

“Effort!” She clapped with your word. “It takes effort! And I only want the best for you, sweetheart, which is why I’m just asking what you’re doing. From where I stand, it doesn’t look like you’re doing anything at all to help improve yourself! As your mother, your concerned mother, I’m just looking out for you, sweetheart.”

Your mind is reeling at her words. You so badly want to defend yourself, assert all of the effort that you have painstakingly put in-- but you are reminded of the precise way your mother is able to leech any ounce of power or confidence from you. You would think that was her quirk if you didn’t know any better. “Mom, I am putting effort in, I train almost everyday--”

“Do you really?” Her voice drips with venomous shock. “It certainly doesn’t look like you do,” she gestures vaguely at you, eyeing your body with a vulture’s gaze. “Maybe you should consider morning and night. Oh! And a diet change, too. You know, since the popular heroes have a specific look to them and I just want to make sure that you can fit that. Since it’s your dream to be a popular hero. Like I said, you have to be willing to put in the effort. Oh, sweetie, don’t look at me like that. You know the difficult position I’m in! Trying to encourage you and help you achieve your dreams while not seeming too enthusiastic. You’re putting that stress on me, sweetie, I’m only trying to help.”

It really was incredible how quickly your mother could erase any confidence you had. Normally, you would stand beaming, more than happy to assert yourself and stand up for yourself and others. All it took was a couple words from your mother, and you turned into a dog with its head down and its tail between its legs, fearful of its master.

Your gut sank and hatred swirled throughout your body for both yourself and her as you once again let her have power over you. “You’re right. Sorry, Mom--”

“Do you know where your daughter ranks as a hero?”

Stunned, you both glanced at Eijirou, having almost completely forgotten that he was there. Throughout her tirade, you had felt a tragically familiar loneliness, used to having to defend yourself when no one, not even your other family members, would. Used to always submitting and used to the shame that always accompanied your forced silence.

“What?” She spat.

“I asked if you knew your daughter’s ranking. I just was wondering, is all. It would make sense if you weren’t aware that she ranks in the top 30 since you were asking about the effort she puts in. I would think that that accomplishment -- at such a young age, too, might I add -- was evidence enough of the countless hours, blood, sweat, and tears that she has poured into this. The effort she’s painstakingly put in. You’re right that being a hero is her dream, and she’s a damn good one, too. Saved my life more than once with ‘that quirk of hers’,” he sneered bitterly. “And, on top of that, she’s so beautiful through and through that sometimes it’s all I can do to stare at her in awe. Your thinly veiled shaming of her appearance is never the result of a mother’s so-called difficult situation, only the result of your own insecurities.”

Eijirou suddenly stands, having finally had more than enough for one night. “The only gratitude I will ever have towards you is for bringing this wonderful woman into this world. I hope one day you’ll actually realize how amazing your daughter is and how proud of her you ought to be. Because I am. I am so incredibly proud of her and her accomplishments and the results of her efforts.”

“And who’s to say that I’m not proud of her, Eijirou?”

He scoffs. Eijirou, the kindest, most patient man you know, scoffs in your mother’s face. “Haven’t you ever heard that actions speak louder than words?”

Your mother gapes up at him, opening and closing her mouth like a fish. In that moment, she resembles a fish and you couldn’t be more pleased with that comparison.

“He’s right, mom.” You rise to join him. “I know you love me. I have no choice but to believe it because I think it would destroy me if I didn’t. But maybe someday I won’t constantly have to defend myself to you and you’ll accept the things I say without dismissing them. You always say you admire me most for my assertiveness but you shut me down anytime I use it to stand up for myself against you. And that makes you nothing but a hypocrite.” You stare her down, reveling in the confidence Eijirou gives you in this thing against your mother. For the first time, you are not alone as you fight this battle. For the first time, you have help. And for the first time, you feel like you’ve won. “Now if you’ll excuse us.”

You take Eijirou’s hand and lead him out of the house, leaving your parents to stare after you in shock. As soon as you make it out, cold air hits you like a slap in the face that harshly wakes you from a daze.

“Holy shit, Ei, did I just stand up to my mom?”

He laughs and squeezes your hand. “It was pretty manly, too.” You laugh breathlessly, still in disbelief as you push your other fist against his arm. “And you know,” he continues, “that I’m the best judge of that.”

“That must mean a lot,” you grin, swinging your linked hands between you as you walk further from your parents’ home, feeling the fullness of a good meal and a battle won.

taglist: @samwrights, @mayaoliviee, @luluwiie, @gigglyparker (i thought i would tag you since you commented on the draft that i posted of this, hope you don’t mind <3)

#i'll fight for you #kirishima eijirou x reader #kirishima x reader #bnha x reader #hurt/comfort #abusive mother tw #tw abusive mother #mha x reader #bro this fic lowkey fvcking sucks lmao so sorry that this is the first thing you see from me in a while #like it just feels really rushed which it probably is but it's incredibly self-indulgent and it fulfills my purposes so it's good enough #for me that is

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bisluthq · 2 years

Text

Jack Lowden: ‘Acting is embarrassment’

Because Jack Lowden is a tall, talented, nice-looking, Olivier award-winning actor with a growing body of acclaimed screen work behind him, a celebrity girlfriend – he is going out with the four-time Oscar nominee Saoirse Ronan – and a strong Scots Borders accent, there is an instinct to look him up and down and assume he is not someone particularly burdened by self-doubt. There is an instinct to assume he is one of those restless young alphas you sometimes encounter in acting who seem to have the entire world in their crosshairs. There is an instinct, perhaps, to assume even more. “I met someone recently and he was like, ‘I thought you were going to be a complete c***,’ ” he says, frowning. “And I said, ‘OK, I can see why. But at least give me a chance.’ ” So, let’s give him a chance. We meet for lunch in a north London gastropub – two pints and a plate of risotto each – because he is, ostensibly, promoting Benediction, a Siegfried Sassoon biopic in which the 31-year-old plays the poet. It is an excellent, achingly sad film in which Lowden’s Sassoon quietly absorbs trauma after trauma: the carnage of the Western Front; the deaths of his brother and of his friend Wilfred Owen; a series of painful and acrimonious romantic relationships with other men followed by a lustless lavender marriage; a gradual decline into loneliness and critical obscurity. And through it all, Lowden delivers the kind of subtle, slow-burning performance that wins awards and sends careers stratospheric. He really is very good. But Lowden isn’t sure. In fact, one thing that quickly becomes apparent in his company is that he has as much professional self-doubt as anybody. Possibly a bit more. “I’m very hard on myself,” he says, and describes how he struggles badly when forced to watch his performances back. “You do all that work. And you think that you’ve really researched this person. And then you watch it and you just think, ‘F***! That’s just me!’ ” he says, drawing out the “meeeee”, fingertips pressing into his cheeks. “That’s just me in a costume. And someone’s calling me Dave or John or Steve.” This is not wink-wink self-deprecation. Nor is he being self-pitying: Lowden – who also currently stars alongside Gary Oldman and Kristin Scott Thomas in the Apple TV+ series Slow Horses – is thoughtful, funny and self-aware. But perhaps, if anything, he is too self-aware. Because something about acting – standing in front of a camera and pretending to be Dave or John or Steve – seems to really embarrass him. “Just severe embarrassment,” he says. The fact that he is almost always required to ditch his own accent and perform in another voice only adds to his discomfort and the uneasy sense of confection. He is not the sort of actor forever primed to drop a few apposite Shakespeare verses into conversation. “The idea of me doing a monologue to you right now? I couldn’t think of anything worse.” Plus, he continues, the inherently subjective nature of performance makes it very hard to know, for sure, if what he’s delivering is genuinely any good. “My younger brother has just been made principal dancer with the Royal Swedish Ballet,” he explains. “And what he does is so black and white. You can either jump high or not.” But unlike ballet dancers or athletes, when it comes to acting, it feels as though effort does not always equal results. “It’s never satisfying for you,” he says. He sips his beer. He wonders, long-term, if he might end up doing something else. “I really want to get rid of that feeling. But I don’t know how.” So, what’s going on? How do you end up having such an uncertain relationship with the very thing you do for a living? Lowden was, he says, a “very, very, very shy child”. He and his brother were both born in Chelmsford, where his parents had relocated in order to access IVF treatment, but grew up in the small village of Oxton after his family returned to Scotland. During his childhood, he developed an intense devotion to a number of classic British sitcoms – Only Fools and Horses, Open All Hours, Porridge – and would watch them obsessively. “It was like a comfort blanket.” He would even take his collection of DVDs on holiday, so as not to be parted from them, and would hate it whenever he’d see behind-the-scenes footage of, say, Only Fools, in which the Trotters’ Peckham flat was revealed to be a film set with a studio audience. “I didn’t want to know that it wasn’t real,” he says. “Everything in those programmes just had a lovely air to it. Everything seemed quite innocent. Nobody seemed bored. There was no boredom at all. And I just wanted to live in them.” He would tag along to his brother’s ballet classes and have a bash himself. “But I was shite at dance and was encouraged, very quickly, to do the narrating.” The sensation of being on stage, however, was something he soon came to love. And with the encouragement of his parents and a particularly supportive music teacher at the local state secondary school he attended, Lowden found himself entering the world of amateur operatics in the Scottish Borders. He became, in fact, a fixture at the Galashiels Amateur Operatic Society. This sounds twee, almost comic. But he shakes his head. “It’s a big thing. It’s huge. In the Borders, it’s like life and death,” he says levelly. “There are like eight or nine societies. People who have been in their society for 50 years get their 50-year medal. They take it f***ing seriously. More seriously than in the profession.” He was swept along by the intensity and energy of this tight but passionate rural arts circuit. Four of his best mates did it with him. “It was like a rite of passage. And none of them are actors now. But they loved it, running about and acting in musicals.” The way he describes it, there was something almost transcendental about it. “You’d be in Guys and Dolls performing next to a fireman or a teacher or whatever. Just seeing these people light up on a Tuesday night was amazing.” After doing his A-levels, Lowden studied acting at the Royal Scottish Academy of Music and Drama and, in 2010-11, played the lead role in the National Theatre of Scotland’s production of Black Watch. This play, which details the experiences of soldiers from the Scottish regiment in Iraq, toured the UK and the United States. “We didn’t play theatres. We played arenas. You felt like a rock star,” he says, without bravado. More stage credits came, and he won his Olivier for Best Supporting Actor in a 2014 production of Ibsen’s Ghosts. But by the time he reached his mid-twenties he thought, “I’d better do some screen.” He didn’t struggle for roles – he appeared in the BBC’s adaptation of War & Peace, Christopher Nolan’s Dunkirk and played a young Morrissey in the singer’s biopic England Is Mine – but he struggled with the change of pace. “The pedestrian element of film sets kicks in. Because film is much more technical and takes much longer. The buzz is not there.” On some level, I think he’s still struggling with the fact that very little in his career so far has been quite as exciting – or quite as profound – as his teenage nights under the lights at the Galashiels Amateur Operatic Society. Knowing that you’ve smashed a song and dance number in front of a packed village hall is more cathartic than doing take 23 of a few lines of dialogue to a camera on a silent set. For a long time, whenever he would get drunk, Lowden would force his mates to watch old Gene Kelly or Bob Fosse dance routines on YouTube. “I’m a music hall actor,” he says, “in this very technical profession.” Still, it’s not all bad. If he hadn’t got into film then he’d never have met his girlfriend. In 2018, Lowden appeared in Mary Queen of Scots opposite Saoirse Ronan, now 28. He was playing Lord Darnley, an English nobleman who marries the Scottish queen. It sounds quite a romantic backdrop against which to meet and then fall in love with your other half. Until, that is, you watch the film and realise that the relationship between the two was violent and abusive. There is a particularly unpleasant sex scene, the preparation for which saw Lowden and Ronan – not yet a real-life couple – throw some ideas around. “It’s this scene where she tries to get him to basically impregnate her. And we were like, what if you started hitting me? That was back when I’d first met her, so I went, ‘Yeah, hit me as hard as you want,’ ” he says, fixing me with his eyes and dropping his voice half an octave. So Ronan hit him – “F***ing bang!” – and when he returned to his trailer, he discovered he had a gigantic blood bruise across his chest and shoulders: “I couldn’t move.” The following day, she asked if he was OK, to which he could only manage a noncommittal, high-pitched noise. He chuckles. “It was a strange way to meet.” Workplace romances are excruciating, I say. Too much like being back at school. Lowden disagrees. “But that’s what makes it fun.” He and Ronan now divide their time between London, Scotland, the US and wherever their jobs take them. “I was up in Orkney recently, on a recce for a film that I’m going to do with Saoirse,” he says. “And I was just in Australia, actually, where she’s shooting something.” Aside from all her industry experience, which is helpful, he says that he sometimes asks her to help him do the audition “self-tapes” he is often required to produce when up for a part. He will stand in front of a digital camera, delivering his lines, and she will stand off-screen, reading all the other parts. “She’s one of the best actors in the world and she’ll be giving twice the performance that I’m giving on camera. It’s hilarious.” Last year, ahead of England and Scotland’s Euro 2020 fixture, Lowden and Ronan posted a short, homemade video online in which the pair of them recreated a pre-battle scene from Braveheart: “I felt it was something that needed to be done to mark the occasion.” Lowden is a supporter of Scottish independence. He had been living in Leith prior to getting a part in Slow Horses, which required him to relocate to London two years back. “But I want to move back as soon as I can.” It winds him up when English people, like me, tell him that they always want Scotland to do well in their sporting fixtures. “Like, you don’t have to say that,” he says, shrugging indifferently. “Want us to lose. Whatever. We don’t care.” Recently, he was at Murrayfield watching Scotland host England in the Six Nations, and he was reprimanded by a fellow Scot for booing God Save the Queen. “He turned around and went, ‘Come on, man.’ And I said, ‘No! This is the problem! It’s got to be difficult for them to come here. We’ve got to create an atmosphere. What’s the point in being polite?’ ” A little later he revisits the subject, a little gingerly, just to clarify that he was talking about anthem-booing in a purely sporting context and that he genuinely doesn’t want to upset anybody. He has friends from south of the border, he says, who can dish it out every bit as much as he can. “Two of my best mates are English, and we always go and watch rugby together. And you’ve got to have a sense of humour around that.” One thing he genuinely does seem to enjoy about his job is hanging out with actors. “They are great people to have around a dinner table. Great people to talk to. They’re very trusting, very quickly, great people to confide in. If you ever have difficulty opening up, find an actor. You’re not going to shock an actor. Well, you’re not going to shock a British actor.” For someone like Lowden, who is naturally shy, you can see the appeal. For a while, in his mid-twenties, he says that he made a concerted effort to be more outgoing. “I looked around and thought, ‘The world wants a gobby person. I’ve got to have a bit of oomph about me,’ ” he says. “So I sort of tried that on for a bit. Like a coat. And it went fine. I wasn’t an arsehole. But it felt like I was having to put a lot of effort into it.” Now he’s back to being quiet, which suits him better and is probably for the best. “Particularly in a work environment. The people you want to work with again aren’t necessarily the loudest in the room.” He’s turned down big money for parts he didn’t fancy. His dad, who works for the Bank of Scotland, never understands. “He says, ‘Why would you do that?’ But I’ve never regretted it.” His social media channels are not exactly the slick shop windows of many other young actors, and his passion for railways and service stations is instantly discernible. “I’m a massive fan of service stations. Wetherby on the A1…” he says dreamily, before finishing his second pint. He is not aware of any intense online fandom, although there is a small but committed group of Jack Lowden superfans who will come and watch him perform on stage. “There’s about five of them, lovely lasses, mainly from England. They came 25 times when I did Measure for Measure at the Donmar. It was like, wow, you must be minted.” He has no concrete professional goals or ambitions. “There isn’t anything where I’m like, I absolutely have to play that,” he says, before gathering his stuff together to leave and catch a train to Scotland. “I just want to play a role where I feel, ‘Wow, you really f***ing pushed yourself.’ Because only I know when I’ve really pushed myself. Because sometimes I think I have done, but then I get home at night and think… ‘Nah, you really didn’t. You just sort of did that thing you always do.’ ” He smiles and sighs. Oh well. It’s hard not to hope that he finds what he’s after. In the meantime, though, we can’t complain. That thing he always does is great. Better than most. Fingers crossed, he’ll see that soon.

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