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#i am too scared to put a number on it else the number be fulfilled and i be pressured

aussiepineapple1st · 11 months

Note

Well I am thinking about something. I can’t help it I like seeing pretty boy Leon suffering. Emotionally that is…maybe he was scared to start a relationship because he knew his line of work was brutal. Away for weeks. Sometimes he was straight up emotionally empty, vacant. But reader got into his skin and he gave in. And every! Single! One! Of his fears! Came true. Even better if it’s slowly, one at a time. So he knows the end is coming, but he can’t help it. He just have to wait until reader gives up. Of course he tries EVERYTHING… he’s sweeter than ever, plans elaborated and romantic plans for reader even tho he’s exhausted…but the root of the problem… his job…he can’t leave his job.

Okay... To start with.. I don't know if I will be able to properly fulfil your whump needs but I will very well try my best.

I Love You

Words: 2,031 Contains: Whump, Crying, Death, Blood, Angst.

He was tired, just getting back from a job, but it was date night. He had already missed the last 3 date nights and he could tell your patience was wearing thin, You had put up with his disappearances for days to weeks on end.

Leon would never tell you what he was doing or where he had been, but seeing him bruised and grazes on his face and body. That's what worried you the most, him coming back to you all broken and injured, then not being able to tell you how it happened to him. What if he never came back? What if you say goodnight to him over the phone one night and then get a call saying he was dead? Or even worse, never hearing anything, he has never told you if his job would contact you or not.

Stepping out of the shower, waking himself up as well as removing the blood and dirt from his body, his phone buzzed on the vanity. Rubbing his towel over his chest he picked up his phone seeing the text was from you.

"I'm waiting in our usual spot for you, I know I'm early, I just want to have time to think. I want to talk to you about something."

This sent a wave of fear running through his body, he had a very strong feeling he knew what you were wanting to talk to him about. He didn't want this to end, he loved you, with every fibre of his being. He could feel his heart racing a few palpitations mixed in there, his fingers hovering over the keyboard as he thinks about what he was going to type in response. Does he beg for you to give him another chance? No.. It might not be what he was thinking? His fears could be getting into his head.

You sit on the park bench of your usual spot, having just sent the text you sigh. You decided not to wear making up tonight as you knew you would be crying, hell, you already were. The cold evening air had the tip of your nose frozen, bright pink as your gloves soak up the tears they wipe away from your cheeks. You sniff, squeezing a tissue to your nose before pulling the hand knitted woollen scarf around your neck over your mouth. You really wished it hadn't come to this, you really loved Leon, but without knowing what he did. You were in a constant state of anxiety, not knowing if he was dead or if he would send you a text saying he was finally home? He wouldn't tell you, no matter how many times you pressed him, he wouldn't give in.

You would be able to deal with everything else, the day to week silences, the times he would just sleep when you finally got to hang out with him. His job clearly made him tired with the amount of physical activity he must do, he was always in tip top shape, even when you had first met him 2 years ago. But the stress of not knowing where he was had become too much for you to handle.

You had actually asked him for his number first, thinking nothing of it, but he had actually texted you back. His messages were sporadic and sometimes came at all hours through the night and day, but you finally had convinced him to go on a date. He had expressed so many times that he was worried to be in a relationship, on a count of what his job was. Ironic how now it was you wanting to break this off because of the first fears he had expressed.

Your phone chimes in your hand and you look down to open it, seeing a reply from Leon.

"Just got done showering, will be there soon. There's something want to talk to you about as well."

You felt your chest tighten, maybe he felt the same way? Maybe he would finally tell you where he had been? You decided you would go first when telling each other what you needed to talk about. Typing your reply back, you liked to be the last one to text.

"Alright. I'll see you when you get here."

Leon's phone buzzed as he pulls his arms though his jacket, that was quick. He takes his keys and closed the door to his house while simultaneously opening his phone. Your text felt empty. Normally you would send a small heart emoji, or even the old <3 or even xxx. but lately you had stopped doing that. He had been seeing the signs. Walking down the wooden stairs of his porch he hops back on his bike, the engine still almost warm from just arriving home. Starting up his bike he makes his way to the park where you were waiting.

-----

20 minutes pass and you heard the familiar rumbling of his motorbike from the other side of the park. Standing up you see the bike pulling up and your heart suddenly felt heavy, he looked so exhausted. His right jaw patched up with a peach coloured band-aid and grazes across his forehead, a butterfly band-aid on a cut on the bridge of his nose. Walking up to him, his hands were in his pockets, he seemed closed off as he looked to the ground. You knew he felt ashamed when coming to see you while looking the way he did. A gloved hand lifts his chin to force his gaze to look at you, he could see the worry and pain his appearance brought you.

"Have a seat." You offer him, sitting back down on the park bench.

He nods and sits down, watching you as you walk in front of him and take the space beside him. Even though it was freezing, you sit with a gap between the two of you. Your finger taps your knee as you both sit in silence, the air felt heavy around you, and you could both feel it.

Leon speaks up first. "My job.."

Your head turns to him quickly, eyes wide. You saw his gaze meet yours as he pulls a hand out of his jacket pocket and hands you a leather wallet. "I want to make us work. I love you, and I know you really want to know about what I do. There are just... There's risks that can tie you to danger if you know about it. Even if you get tied to me."

You frown, what he was saying wasn't making sense. But at the same time made all the sense in the world to you. You open the leather wallet to reveal a metal badge and an ID card underneath with a picture of his face, his signature, name, date of birth, number and Clearance level 13. "Division of Security Operations?" You ask.

Leon nods. "I'm an Agent, I work directly under the president's orders. Wherever he needs me, whenever he needs me, I have to be there. No questions asked."

He was that high up? You were dating a secret agent for 2 years?! Leon watches you as you stare at the badge, he sits up, straightening his posture. "Please.. Say something?"

"So you, don't know what you will be facing whenever you get called to work?" You asked handing the wallet back to him.

Leon shakes his head. "I do, but I deal with bioterrorism. Bio Organic-"

"Weapons.." You finish his sentence, you had heard about them. Especially with all the outbreaks happening over the years, some things end up getting leaked. The first one and what you had heard of was Racoon City. The horror stories you have heard from that place.

"I was in Racoon City when it happened." Leon says as if reading your thoughts.

Your heart aches for him as you turn to face him. Tears welling up in your eyes, not for reasons you had expected them to tonight. "Oh, Leon..." You say, deflating. You had already made up your mind. "I wish you had told me all of this sooner. Maybe I would have been able to learn to deal with it."

"Deal? With what?" He asked. "I understand if you don't want to be associated with me anymore. I have done all I can to keep you safe and keep your name from being connected with mine."

"Leon it's not my safety that I worry about..." You cut him off, reaching over to place a hand on his knee. "We both know where I am going with this. And I can't deal with the stress of worrying about if you will come home to me safely or not." You explain.

Leon looks to you, his bottom lids starting to become wet as he turns away from you, leaning against the back of the bench and staring at the ground. You both sit there in silence for a few seconds before he nods. "I understand. I'll give you a ride home."

You nod and stand up after him, walking to his bike he hops on first before you do. wrapping your arms around his middle you hold him tight. It was painful, you knew after this ride you would never be doing this again. Taking in his warmth and smell of his favourite leather jacket, you sob into his back as he drives you home.

Once at your place he walks you to your front door, you hold his hands for the last time and say your final goodbyes. Watching Leon get on his bike he rides off quickly, normally he would wait until you were inside before leaving. It hurt you to know he was in as much emotional pain as you were, entering your house you lock the door behind you.

Leon sits at a cross intersection, leaning over the fuel tank of his bike a few tears fall to the shiny black paint. He feels his phone buzz in his pocket and leans on his foot more as he sits up to pull it out of his jacket pocket. It was a call.. you? You never called him. He answers the phone quickly and puts it to his ear.

"Leon.." Your voice rasped out. "Help.."

That was all he needed. Hanging up the phone he speeds off back to your place. Not even letting the stand down on his bike he shuts off the engine while still moving, dropping the bike on it's side on your front lawn. He leaps over the bike the momentum pushing him to your door faster than he could run. Crashing into the door he pulls a gun from the back up his pants he always carried with him and tries opening the door. He steps back and kicks the door close to the handle, it flinging open.

Waiting for him was a group of masked men, glowing red eyes peering at him as they were taken down one by one. As soon as they were all dead he spots your body sprawled out on your loungeroom floor. Leaping over the couch he kneels beside you. Your eyes were closed and a wound bleeding out on your chest and abdomen.

"(Y/N)! Hey.. Can you hear me?!" He askes pressing his hand to your abdomen, knowing you were either dead, or soon will be. There was nothing he could do. "(Y/N)!!!" His voice cracks as he sits down, pulling your body into his arms.

"Hey.. S... Sorry." You choke out. Blood spilling from your mouth as you choke on it.

"Don't talk.. I've got you.." He hushed you. He pressed a kiss to your forehead before looking into your eyes.

"I... Love you..." You gasp, not being able to take in another breath you exhale. Leon watched as your pupils dilate and you stare through him rather than into his eyes.

A choked sob leaves his throat as he pulls you into his chest, holding you tight. A cry of pure anguish leaves him from deep in his chest as he rocks with your body. Out of everything, this... This was his biggest fear.

🏷️: @phoenix666stuff @maehemthemisfit @greywardensaywhat @growingupnrealizing @starcrossedreaders

#blood #death #angst #whump #leon x reader #leon s kennedy #leon kennedy #infinite darkness leon #infinite darkness #resident evil #re #re leon #i love you #request #aussiepineapple1st #fanfic #resident evil fanfic #au #resident evil fanfiction

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fishwithtitz · 7 months

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Okay!

4 11 13 15 17 21 28 31 36 51 55

Dang, that's a lot! <3

4. what are you looking forward to?

I am getting married in Ireland in June. My wedding will be a dark/ethereal vintage romantic vibe and I'm literally getting married at Dunluce Castle. A dream!

5. are you listening to music right now?

Nope. I'm enjoying the complete silence of my house :)

13. how do you feel right now?

I started antibiotics last Wednesday and I'm feeling so much better. I'm starting to get more of my writing out and I think it's reaching more people, so that brings me joy!

15. personality description

Growing up, I was VERY outgoing and outspoken but I've mellowed a ton. I've been told I come off as shy and a little intimidating until you get to know me. I have always had a love for the unusual things in life and have been able to see beauty in darkness. I was the odd one out (didn't have a ton of friends growing up). I love and care fiercely and I will do anything for my friends and loved ones. I think I'm the funniest person to exist even though I'm probably not.

My students describe me as sassy (I love to roast them) and see me as a second mom haha.

17. opinion on insecurities.

I'm not really sure what this one means, but I'm going to answer it as if it's my opinion on my own insecurities.

I'm insecure about my body. I have the typical hourglass figure (big hips/thighs, big tits, small waist) but I also have hip dips so anything form fitting is a no go. I grew up in the late 90s/early 00s diet culture and have yo-yoed in weight since I was a kid. I had an almond (step)mom and I still feel shame around food. It's something I'm working on in therapy. I have so much pride and respect for Gen Z and their movement of body acceptance and positive body culture. It's something I wish us millennials had done when we were younger.

21. age and birthday?

August 13th; I’m 31 going on 85

28. i’ll love you if…

You are kind and genuine. You leave me comments on/reblog my work (because as much as I say I write for self-satisfaction, I also love recognition like anyone else and I have a really low self esteem when it comes to my writing). You take me out for coffee. You have a good sense of humor (extra points if it's dry or dark).

29. 3 random facts

I had to be treated for the plague in my 20s (yes, the literal bubonic plague)

I used to be a top writer on a fanfic website when I was 13 (early 2000s) and I cringe thinking of the shit I put out 😂

*trigger warning for injury* I have seen/smelt burning flesh (like, flesh melting off someone's body) as a result of an accident in high school. I still get jumpy around explosives. 10/10 don't recommend.

36. 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

I'd like to be a published author that gets to share their thinking with the world (and ngl I'd love to do an international book tour).

I want to get back into music/playing piano (I'm too scared to try and don't even know where to start).

I want to travel more (ideally to Europe). It's so expensive and I'm poor and landlocked.

51. starsign

Leo Sun, Sagittarius Rising, Aquarius Moon

55. tumblr friends

@copiasghoulfriend @copias-juicebox @anamelessfool @portaltothevoid @katyaoaksdottir @the-lisechen

In response to Get to know me, pick some numbers post

#random asks #get to know me #get to know fish #asks #asks are open #you asked i answered #ask me stuff #ask away #love this fandom

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savagemasculinity · 7 months

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Hello! I’m almost 25 and I’m at a point in my life where marriage is my top priority. It’s like a switch has been flicked in me and I have to find that man and make a home with him. That being said, I’m scared of putting myself out there because of some horrendous past relationships that slashed my self esteem and because I have a number of health issues that I am worried will be seen as too much of a burden for someone to want to marry me. I know I need to work on myself if I want this life. Do you have any advice?

Yes.

Don't stop working on yourself. In that effort, you will find self-worth and know your personal value. The right man won't care about the things you see as a hindrance. He will support you and love you regardless.

Learning yourself will teach you what compliments you on an interpersonal level. Find a man that fits that reasonably well, and don't settle for less than what will make you fulfilled for the sake of reaching a goal (marriage, family, et cetera).

Pick up hobbies and set goals for yourself. You don't need to be fully independent--and neither should he be. You'll depend on each other for many things, not just food, shelter, and water. However, you'll both need independent time for your own sanity. Have things you love to do independent of whomever you end up with.

Learn to be happy with yourself. If you can't be alone with yourself, you'll struggle giving your man the independence he will inevitably need. Separation is good for a relationship, as long as it is balanced by true quality time.

Pursue traditional traits. Eat traditional foods, practice traditional "rituals," learn about your roots and ancestry and try to embody the best parts of them.

Pursue physical activity. Walk, lift, move, and anything else you can get your body to do. Fitness is not only good for your mind and body, but it preserves your corporeal shell into advanced age. You'll want to be with them for as long as possible, most likely, and a functional fitness and nutrition regimen will ensure that.

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loversgothic · 11 months

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Is there a particular reason you stopped making Fortnite art?

ohhhh boy. theres a few? in part its because it stopped being fulfilling and i lost interest and inspiration. its also because i cant play the game anymore because it cant run on my laptop with the new updates.

but a big one is that people are... really mean. really, really mean. people in the fortnite community overall are SOOOO NEGATIVE esp to artists. i make primarily romantic art and pinup art, and people can be incredibly unkind. ive been called slurs (both homophobic and racial), ive seen my friends get bullied for posting art in a similar vein, fuck that shit was a NIGHTMARE. fortnite possibly has the worst fandom ive ever seen, and ive been in SO MANY of them! i made mostly Jonesdation art, and while there were people who liked it, there was a lot of people who also didnt. there was some kind of weird.. looming feeling that i was afraid of posting my indulgent work (of course i always posted it anyway! im no pussy) but i dont like having that feeling loom over me. its also bc some of my friends kind of thought it was Funny when i did Foundation art since they didnt care much abt fortnite lore and thought my serious art i put all my time into was funny because of who acted Foundation. and i want my ideas to be taken seriously enough if i present them in a serious fashion.

its also because The Seven got slipped out of the story as time passed, and i really just couldnt get into the Oathbound or current groups. and even then, content with The Seven and Foundation in particular really felt like punch after punch regarding a character i became attached to (to nearly a delusional extent) with peoples perception of him becoming shittier because of a fucking comic that sucked ass. after a while it feels like people forgot abt him :( fortnite seriously moves WAYYY too fast and theres too many characters to get attached to, once your fave falls out of relevancy in story you are probably not gonna hear about them again? the only seven members i ever see ANYONE talk abt anymore is origin and that is bc im friends with the number one origin fans SBHJAHBANJA i love them i hope they have fun forever <3

something else that i think is that, i fell out of the fortnite fandom because it feels like its not a great place to explore ideas for me. when it comes to writing, i want to explore relationships, symbols, backstories, and the character i liked (Foundation) did NOT have that many people willing to explore those ideas and it made me scared to share them. Fortnite also doesnt really have a lot of... depth. it COULD have depth, sure, but you have to grasp at straws and make up half of it. it just.. wasnt fulfilling enough, i need something i can Dig into.

ill always love the Fortnite characters, and ill always love The Seven. ill always love Fiore (my foundation oc i made before he got unmasked officially) and FUCK ill always love all of the villains and Jones. but right now i need to explore something else fulfilling

here are some other small reasons:

my art has been stolen for tiktok thirst traps multiple times

i dont have a problem with being in a community with a lot of teenagers (i am a teenager. an adult one but ykno) but DAMN its a relief to be able to talk like an adult to OTHER ADULTS now that im out of there

ive also had to hide my nsfw art twitter for a variety of reasons that are complex. (one of them being that Im not trying to get bullied more)

it felt like i was fucked bc i couldnt produce relevant art fast enough to keep up with the game

#SORRY THATS SRSLY LONGGGG #.txt #ask #also if i said every crazy thing i had ever thought i would be put in the fortnite struggles hall of fame #now i can just like. say crazy ass things here and people will just nod and understand me

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notalapyrrah · 5 months

Text

Time December 5th

I dread the semester ending. The feeling of something ending, and while the world has turned and life has taken its course I feel static. A professor's last slide, the absence of homework on my dashboard. A relief if anything, but the most genuine show of why this is so scary. One day it will all end. And that feeling of conclusion without genuine pride or satisfaction makes me feel empty. Will that be the same when I die? I am so unsatisfied with myself. I spend so much time wondering what happened to me that I miss what is happening to me. My ambition seems to have been killed. I wonder if it will come back or if all my apparent ambitions will remain a facade I continue to put on in order to fulfill my duties which have been imposed on me by myself. I don't really even know what I am saying. It all feels empty. This campus. My neighborhood. I feel lonely. I feel alone. I wanted to be somewhere where nobody knew my name so I could make it known to them. Now I sit here, quiet, unknown by so many. insignificant. The only interactions I have are excuse mes and apologies. I feel passionate sometimes but its always so overambitious that I don't know where to start and once I do I feel incapable under the weight of my own judgement. A judgment I picked up and projected onto others to stop thinking about how I am just as bad. A lot of times they are not even flaws. I just judge. I hate. I hate it. I want what is best for everyone and yet I cannot stand almost every person I see. There is always something wrong. and time keeps going. it keeps moving and moving and moving. I used to think I was in pace with him but I fell behind and I feel as if I can only walk. Looking back and seeing the path is all I feel I can do, and yet when I look at that path I want to run forward but when I look ahead I am further behind time and the hopelessness of not being able to catch up becomes my feet and holds me there. Have I wasted time? My time was. My time is not now. My time will come again. I know it will. I think I placed myself in an environment I was once ready to conquer, but it has proven that nature is a stronger force than I predicted and I feel as if I am being conquered and crushed. I know I am not the only one and I know that I am not the lowest or the worst. I hate when the professor says goodbye. I am reminded that I am just a number or a unit that wanted to be a name but was too scared. too lazy. too soon. too late. If time was a path and I could walk back and speak to myself years ago I would cry to see that ambitious young person because I would not be looking at myself. I blame identity. I blame politics. I blame events. I blame me. but I never answer, I can never find one. I don't know what to say anymore. The time has come. The time has been here. Time is happening all at once. Right now I am being born. Right now I am dying. Right now I am typing this in a building. A building that is here as the result of hundreds of bodies and minds who I will never be able to thank. Walking the halls that have felt the footsteps of failures and geniuses and all in between. Steps taken by people who are no longer here. Right now someone else is here typing. Right now someone else is here writing. Right now someone is here reading. Right now someone is building this floor. Right now someone is setting down this seat. Right now the grass is growing disturbed only by the footsteps which flatten it. Right now there is a tree where I am. There are no people. Nowhere. Right now is simply exists. All at once. Right now I am being born. Right now I am dying.

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nihilisticgenesis · 8 months

Text

Here Lies Caine - The Mun

Name: Caine Age: 27 Pronouns: He/They Timezone: US Central Time

Hello! Nice to meet you! My name is Caine as I said. I'm pretty new to the whole cannon rp/tumblr rp scene so please bare with me if I'm a little extra anxious and quiet. I'm still working my way through trigun maximum I am a slow reader. Legato's a dark character and I like darker things but I just want to say that I also REALLY enjoy chatting and doing fun silly stuff too! So I hope the tone of this little set up doesn't scare anyone off.

I tend to prefer longer para rps, however short chat-style rps are also welcome though sometimes I can get a little stuck on what they'd actually say lol. I also really enjoy linking music to my posts when I find it pertinent! Its not required to listen but it would make me very happy.

If you see me doing anything that's not cool or something, let me know about it in dms! Or if you have any tips and suggestions on how to like... function on tumblr would be appreciated~

Discord will be available to mutuals upon request in the future, as it is the easiest way to get ahold of me.

If at any time you want to cause harm or like sort of metagame damaging a muse of mine, don't worry about it! Just do it! Beat them up they usually deserve it! Rolling with the punches is super fun! As long as it is in good will and not a creepy sort of thing I guess, but like I'll let you know if one of my boundaries is crossed y'know? That being said no psychic/telekenetic powers will be used vs muses unless we talk about it! Its one thing to say "He pushes X to the ground and grapples him" and an entirely different thing to literally take agency away from someone else's character and I don't vibe with that.

Triggers: Not many to speak of but Gaslighting, and NICHE body horror are squicks. [and i'm not talking about the bodyhorror in trigun so we good lol]

The Blue Wind of Death - The Muse

Name: Legato Bluesummers Age: Around 27-30 ; Birthdate unknown Height: 5'8" [173 cm] Gender: Cis Male [he/him] Species: Modified Human Sexuality: Asexual Occupation: Un-numbered Gung-ho Gun [assassin] Weapons: Wires contained within a skull shaped torture device on his left shoulder. Abilities: Telekenesis, Psychic Visions

Legato is a mysterious man who was at one point saved spared by the angel millions knives. This single act would change the course of legato's life from then on, instilling him a blind devotion towards fulfilling said angel's every desire, to see a world for plants blossom from the soil, and to end the era of man once and for all.

Legato harbors no love for humanity, including himself. He has seen its depths and has accepted every rotten truth they made for themselves, and has chosen his path accordingly. It was a plant who had broken him free, the light in his dismal existence, and in his mind it only makes sense that it shall be them who inherit the earth.

After all what good has humanity even done? Live another day just to hurt each other again? Drain their home dry and then have the audacity to beg god for a second chance and kill another?

Resolved he will take on the visage of all humanity's darkest truths, and spread the blessed gospel of the twin angels, through blood, betrayal, and hurt. Just as it was shown to him.

Themes: Religious Guilt ; Repressed Trauma ; Nihilism ; Revenge ; Self-Hate ; Personal Acceptance ; Humanity ; Metamorphosis ; Psychic Visions ; Locked Cages ; Trapped ; Cannibalism ; Body Horror ; Torture + Manipulation ; Falling Through the Cracks ; In ability to Heal ; Getting a little too silly and getting put in timeout

[ Disclaimer: phew legato is kinda a dark character when you write it out like that huh.... please still feel free to take things in a lighthearted direction lol I PROMISE its possible. ]

#//ooc//#[midsummer blues ; legato info]#[genesis ; intro]

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preshyaries · 2 years

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The man I was supposed to marry travelled out of the country cause he wasn't well to do yet, ain't capable of fulfilling the second rule a man ought to have before getting married

(Provide) he was opportune to travel cause his brother lives there.

At first I never wanted him to go I was ready to offer him money so he can start up a business over here in Nigeria but you know men with pride and lots of ego on their shoulders he declined saying I ought to be a man, I don't want your mom's mockery considering the fact that she doesn't even like me that much cause am not a man yet.

No your lying my mom doesn't hate you.

Doxy I can see disdain and scorn in her eyes whenever I come to your house.

Atimes am even scared.

Okay do as you please. Am sorry I sounded that way; I promise to come back for you

Promise!!! Yeah I promise.

Few days later he traveled to Europe

We kept talking via chats and using video calls to satisfy our sexual urge by masturbating and even sending across our nude.

I was so horny wanting him every day

Don't stare at me like a freak

What would you have me do!!!

He was so good at it...

I had to get a dildo instead going to cheat

Cause men wouldn't stop flocking themselves around me.

A year later I saw a Facebook post

Where a mutual friend of mine was tagged

My boyfriend just got married to a dark Nigeria girl...

I went to my convenience cleaned my eyes very well to see if it's truly him...

Before I could get to my bed

My younger sister knocked at the door

Sis your boyfriend just got married

Was it the plan? I sank on my bed and started crying; but he promised to come back for me why this?

Just a year he left Nigeria and he did this?

How are my sure this wasn't a plan between him and the lady?

Am sorry sis, we shouldn't trust people totally cause the wake up each morning with different attitude and next line of actions.

Really? Have being dating him for four years of which you know of .

Am sorry, put yourself together he isn't meant for you whom is meant for you would come.

You said that the last time lade left

Please say something else...

Am I not beautiful with nice attribute?

Why are they always coming for fun

And not keeps; am 28 already mom is beginning to put pressure, even though she hated Richard but she thought I will settle down with him.

Sorry babe stop crying I know how it hurts cause have been there too.

Crying won't change anything.

Let me call him; okay then

His number ain't going through.

Text him; seems he blocked me

So it's real!! I ain't dreaming

After a year or even two my mom started telling me to settle down that time ain't on my side anymore that I shouldn't be in her house and enter menopause considering the fact that my two younger sisters just got married.

Duke my colleague at work has always Being in my case, I decided to give him a chance

We dated for a couple of months , then I went to his house and saw him with another lady having sex...

I ended the relationship I told him I ain't doing anymore...he begged me for months saying his changed now he will never cheat on me ever again.

My mom joined him in begging.

She likes Duke, she always call him "handsome" and of a truth Duke is a handsome with lovely features.

I forgave him weeks later he proposed to me I accepted.

The next month we got married

My parents gifted a car and land

My dad then helped him in securing a firm of his own since he had always love being a boss of his own and has saved towards that course.

Duke was okay, we stayed in the duplex he had built and promised himself that it's until he gets married that's When he would pack in.

We are married now... The house was so fine

The first few months of our marriage was sweet until he succeeded in getting me pregnant everything about him changed

He comes home late...

Whenever I ask why he always says I had a board meeting with someone investors.

That night he was fast asleep when I his phoned beeped I checked it , it was a message from a lady...

"You are so sweet, I want more of you

Down there is drenched with the water you love I can't wait to see you tomorrow night.

Then she ended the message with her nude".

I was so devasted, and agitated too so cheaters don't change, I cried all through the night questioning God if it's my fate to stay with men whom won't be truthful and faithful to me...

He woke up the next morning I gathered my guts together to question him .

But you know cheaters they always have lot's of sweet talks and jaw dropping excuses to give.

I kept mute...

I gave birth to my first child his a boy

Everybody was so ecstatic giving him different pet names...

My Duke was like his a replica of me...

Cause everyone was there I just said God forbid inside my mind.

Three years later I took in again

And we were to go on a vacation

Do you know Duke's mistress went with us?

He had to lie to our son that she's his cousin

I am married but am always crying

Asking myself why didn't I even stay single...

We stayed for a couple of days then we came back some weeks later I was in labour

Had complications the doctors said my blood temperature is high... They were asking if I don't eat cause I also look malnourished

I gave birth to the baby glory to God.

Everyone came and were happy

Nobody even cared if am happy or not

All they care about is if the baby was healthy.

I never opened up to my mom even when she asked me what's eating me up that am so thin.

Cause she wouldn't believe me considering the fact that she loves her son in-law so much I kept on enduring.

Cause my mum would always say a successful marriage requires endurance.

My boys are now in age 5 and 3 respectively.

That afternoon I was lying down on the couch in the sitting room my children were having their siesta in their room

When I received a call from an unknown number saying Duke is dead

That he was involved in a motor accident

My comb broke into two

My body was shaking, I mistakenly touched the poop of our cat and the entire place was smelling of stench.

His cops was taken to the mortuary

On his funeral I never cried neither did I smile I was just staring straight to the eyes of the man who brought nothing but pain and misery through his picture.i Even felt like telling him to rot in hell.

Marriage that was blessed with two lovely

kids but cursed from the beginning.

Accompanied with no respect or regard

A handsome man that was tagged a heartbreaker, nobody ever broke his

Later heard that from his ex girlfriend who gave me kudos for being able to put up with his wreck less and womanizing attitude.

Who have low value and no remorse

Lies with impunity even when you caught him clearly from a transparent mirror.

I pray my son's Don't take after him.

Raise them well and they won't.

Thank you dear.

Your welcome.

I started praying within me

Dear God with the patient mind I heard towards their father may they not

be like him, instead let them be saints I was receiving calls from his numerous mistresses, and was bold enough to tell them he has kicked the bucket.

One called the next week saying she's pregnant I told her to Carry her cross.

Not less than a year after his demise i remarried I never cared to know what anyone thinks or what they wanna say

Marriage to Duke was a total waste of time

Nine years of regrets.

Tongues kept on flapping but I never flopped my decision.

I was cheated on while I was still alive

Mistresses brought to my matrimonial home while I was still breathing...

Not even sick of stroke

Neither was my female organ used for procreation and pleasure faulty.

All my life have always been betrayed.

What do you want me to do.

I know my kids and relatives would feel am selfish but they won't understand even if I feel like explaining, this treated me like a doormat, he never felt I existed

I had complications in giving birth to my second child cause he wasn't touching me or doing his duties at night.

I hope my explanation to my kids when they come of age would be harkened to and not taken to heart .

Or seeing the both of us as cheating parents

But their dad alone.

I felt not enough; I pray my boys don't become their father's mini

Or my mirror . Victims of cheat and the cheated.

Let them not betray or betray anyone.

Or end up with a broken comb at the mention of the demise of their loved one.

For I was a victim of a lot of love complications and betrayal.

#preshyaries

#pcr_ Pinterest

#writers on tumblr #my writing #tumblr rp #night at the museum #100 days of productivity #poetry #writing prompt #writeblr #black and white #writerscommunity

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physicalturian · 3 years

Text

[18+] Deranged Love - Hanma Shuji x F!Reader - Part 1

[Probably contains spoilers from the anime and the manga] [She/Her pronouns used for the reader, no physical description; Everyone is +18]

Words: 9403

Archive of our own

Warnings : Explicit! / Blood / Injuries / Guns / Bruises / Choking / Blood / Graphic depiction of violence / Killing / Murder / Crying / Trauma /

Summary : Wrong place, wrong guy. Wrong in so many fucking ways it only made the attraction more sick and twisted...Yet I wanted more of him and would end up doing anything for him, with him.

If you feel like I should add more warnings, send me a dm or and ask, I'd rather be safe than sorry

- - -

Routine.

This would be how I would describe my way of life, a routine. I liked it like that, it was safe, comfortable and I was sure of what would happen. Far from me the idea of only doing the same things over and over again, I would sometimes go out with my friends or see a movie—doing things on a whim was not off the table. But I liked knowing what I was signing up for. Surprises, however, never were a thing I enjoyed—seeing my friends in my house when all I wanted was to relax after work was something dreadful and annoying to no end. I would pull through and be a good host, nonetheless, making sure everything was enjoyable, but I would be drained by the end of their stay.

Perhaps that need for reassurance, for a safety net, was the reason why I never truly took an artistic path or even considered any artistic career. It was too free, too unpredictable, too risky. Never could I have imagined myself doing such a thing; those who did were in my eyes the boldest and I admired them greatly for following their dream, but I was not bold, I preferred the solace of a job I knew would always bring me money. A simple 9 to 5 job was fulfilling enough for me; for some it was not, but I enjoyed it. It was something I could do and found relaxing to do, even when there was more rush. It just made sense to me.

There was not much thrill in this job. The people were nice enough; the clients were a bit bitter from time to time, depending on whether the job we had done was in their favor or not. Some of my colleagues would tell me crazy stories about some firms they had worked on or with and I would have a hard time believing it, but perhaps it was because different departments would deal with different types of clients. I had simple people: homeowners, tax payers, easy stuff. I liked it.

Now, even if I was keen on this routine that I had of going to my job, using the same transports, the same paths, headphones in to ignore the people around, I knew when following that same path would bring me trouble. I knew when to break that routine even just a little bit.

Tonight was one of those rare occasions. As I walked back home from work after having had to stay one more hour to help my colleague Darren fix his mistake—I made sure to tell him he owed me for helping him this late—I saw a group of men surrounding someone on the street. With one glance around, the entire street was empty except for those seven men and their victim. The usually crowded place was completely deserted and as I wondered how it could have happened, I noticed bikes at the end of the road blocking any possible traffic. It did not take a genius to know this was something far above me, there was no way I would interfere with that. Turning around, I made sure my steps were less heavy, less determined and started walking back. I did not have time to think I was going to get out of there safely when I heard, “Miss! Call the police-“. A thud sound, followed by a pained moan reached my ear.

When I dared look over my shoulder, I saw the man on his knees, blood pouring from his nose. I recognized him, he was a creepy older man that would sometimes stay longer on the train to look at younger women. Glancing at the other people around him, I kept my face as neutral as possible. Should I call the police? The outfits they wore all had the same sigil on them, the same pattern, and since they did not look like high schoolers I hardly believed those were school uniforms. Which led to the conclusion that they were the ones the news talked about a lot. The city was filled with gangs fighting over territory, not hesitating one bit to kill anyone who would cross them. I was sure of myself, assertive, yes… but I did not possess a savior complex. Seeing that man on the floor made me realize how wrong the system was, but I could not risk taking part in the situation and helping him. There were too many and clearly a lot scarier and stronger than I was. Looking away, I kept walking and heard them laugh, “That’s the right thing to do missy, he deserved it-“ “I said I was going to pay as soon as I got the money!” The victim interrupted; he was speaking very fast, but the fist smashing his jaw was faster to tell him to shut up. “It ain’t about that, you know it!”

Playing my music again, louder this time, I walked away and let them deal with everything, taking a different route than the one I would usually take. It’s alright to not have helped, you wouldn’t have made a difference… But he deserved it… I can still call the police… A turmoil inside my head started as I kept walking. After a few minutes, I grabbed my phone and dialed the police department’s number; they picked up quite fast, asking me what the emergency was. “There are gang members beating up a man in-“ “I’m sorry ma’am we can’t help with that, have a nice evening.” And just like that, the person on the other end of the phone hung up. Looking at my phone incredulously, I called again, all while taking a turn and walking by a warehouse, “Hello, you must have misunderstood me earlier—it is not a joke, there are gang members in the-“ This time, I was not interrupted by the person on the phone but by my arms being grabbed suddenly.

My heartbeat picked up, I suddenly felt sick and my head started spinning. When things like this happened, we’d always think it only happened to others, so when I realized it was happening to me, I did not feel well. Blood drained from my face, from my entire body. It all happened so fast: one moment I was walking past the warehouse, then suddenly my phone hit the ground and I joined it when I was thrown on it with force. My cheekbone took all the damage as someone pressed the side of my face onto the wet ground and made sure to put weight on my back to stop me from moving. I was shivering in fear already, but that fear only grew when my hair was pushed out of the way by a bloody hand, its knuckles painted red and brown from fresh and drying blood. The action did not feel one bit intimate, it was scary, intimidating. With the pressure on my back, I was pressed against the hard floor and could barely breathe, but in a situation like this I knew better than to talk.

I knew that. Yes.

So why did I talk? Why were my nerves acting up in moments like these?

“I am sure you got the wrong person—I’m just an accountant-“ A gun was now pressed against my cheek, I took it as a sign to shut up and did so. The man on my back twisted the gun a few times against my cheek, making me open my mouth from the weird movements against my teeth, like someone forcing a dog to open its jaws to get food out of it. “Aren’t we noisy? Tonight wasn’t the right night to feel heroic, girl.” The man asked as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. I closed my eyes in discomfort, my breath hitching. Laughing sadistically, he continued talking, this time his tone lowered, “Rats shouldn’t snoop in businesses that aren’t theirs.” I felt the weight shift on my back, then heard him ask someone, “Keep beating him up, I’ll take care of her then we’ll continue having our fun,” His voice was stern but I still heard some tones of him being carefree, he was enjoying this. He then addressed someone else, “Sounds good to you?” The answer consisted of muffled cries, attempts at screams that were cut off by hits then a gun cocking. With a sigh, the man on me pulled the gun away from my face and tutted the man who was bound on his knees.

I felt the weight leave my back but did not dare move, I stayed right where I was. Steps on the humid ground were heard, getting away from me but clearly approaching the man who I assumed was being tortured. The gun fired soon after, startling me as I tensed up and closed my eyes a few seconds before opening them again. The crazy man that put me on the ground laughed loudly, “Come on, it’s just the thigh, you can still walk for now, yeah?” He had said. Turning my head to look at them, I saw the older man on his knees, hands tied behind his back and suit bloody. His tie was undone, and he had wounds all over his face and chest. “I said you can walk, yeah?” Recognizing the voice, I could put a face to my aggressor as I watched him remove his glove before grabbing the victim by his arm and making him stand up, only to force him to wobble a bit. “See! I am being nice! Talk and it’s all over, come on.” He cooed in something that could be seen as sweet if it wasn’t happening in a warehouse with violent people and a man bleeding on the ground.

“I told you! I don’t know anything I-“ The man with the long earring in his left ear did not think twice before punching the office worker in the face with enough force. I believe I heard his nose crack. I caught a glimpse of the tattoos adorning his hands but could not decipher, from how far I was, what was written on them. The crazy man laughed after the punch, “Wrong answer! Haha, you have one last chance, ok?” He said, leaning over so that his face was at the same level as the other man’s. From my place on the ground, I could only see the wicked smile on his face, and it made me feel uneasy. The tall violent man was clearly crazy, having such a man roaming the city did not seem safe at all and it scared me to think of what else was happening in the shadows. “Alright, alright, please Reaper-“ The man he called Reaper gripped his chin tight and chuckled, “Straight to point, I don’t have time to waste on vermin like you, you’re no fun.” He said as a matter of fact, as if they both believed this. His face had turned serious so quickly that I feared the moment I felt like I could escape, he would change his mind in half a second.

The bleeding man nodded quickly, tears streaming down his cheeks, “It’s Silas&Sons—That’s the name of the firm that discovered something was off-'' While I was left in shock at the mention of the firm I worked at, the Reaper grinned and brought the gun to the man’s forehead, “Wasn’t hard, was it?” the man tried to tell him not to shoot, adding that the violent one had promised he would stop. The latter shook his head, “I said it’ll all be over! Listen carefully next time,” He said the last part like a parent berating their child then winked and pressed the trigger, killing the man in less than a second as his body hit the ground, blood spattering behind him. The man with black and blond hair looked at the body on the ground and chuckled to himself, “There won’t be a next time, but you get the jest.” He huffed with a wave of his hand before handing back the gun he had been given earlier. Turning around, his eyes locked on mine. I widened my eyes in pure terror and turned my face to be in the position he had left me in; I was aware he had seen me, but I was hoping he would not mention it.

The other people that were in the room had gone silent and were probably all looking at me, the woman lying on the floor, shaking, dreading for her life. The odds of me coming out of this unscathed seemed to be decreasing the more I observed what was happening around me. A stinging pain reached my scalp making me hiss, as someone lifted my head from the ground to make me look at them. While turning my head their way, I saw two men sitting on a crate, one with two braids that were long enough to go down to his ribcage while the other had shorter purple hair and glasses. Boredom adorned both their features alongside blood stains on their outfits, and yet they were nonchalant about it. I saw a man leaning behind another crate but barely managed to catch a glimpse of his tattoo that the man called Reaper snapped his fingers in front of me. “Here, I’m your tormentor, not them, yeah?” He grinned. Meeting his gaze again, I forced myself to keep my mouth shut and kept my eyes on him.

“You’re being courageous, not even crying yet! You’re a fun one, gotta love it.” He said happily, his hand patting the cheek that had taken most of the damage when he slammed me on the ground. I flinched when I saw his hand approach my face then winced at the rough touch against the bruising skin. “What will I do with you little rat? Eavesdropping ain’t nice, tattling ain’t it either.” The latter was said in a more serious tone as his expression turned somber, any humor that dripped from his words a moment ago was completely gone and he was now looking at me with caution. “Get up, come on.” I did not have a choice, the grip in my hair did not slacken and I had to follow his movement to avoid most of the pain. My clothes were dirty and damp from the humid ground; I felt my legs shake as I got to my feet and hissed at the pain when he yanked my hair for me to follow him quicker.

Pushing me forward, he threw me against the crate where the two other men were sitting. Hitting my shoulder against the wooden item, I swore under my breath and was about to fall to my knees again when the man with the long braids wrapped his legs around my neck and somewhat choked me. Caught off guard, I gripped his shins tight and tried to break free, but his hold only tightened. I heard him mock me while he dug his heels deeper in my biceps from the position he was in, “Stop moving and it’ll stop hurting, fuck you’re stupid.” He sighed with disdain, bringing me closer towards him but it only pressed my neck against the wood. Gritting my teeth, I stopped trying to get him to let go and let my arms fall to my side, when I felt the choke weaken and took a large intake of breath while focusing my eyes anywhere but on the man in front of me.

The manic laughter I had now heard many times in those few minutes I was on the floor reached my ears again, “I can see you wanna live, what are you willing to do to stay alive?” He asked in a light tone. It was a real question, but I did not want to do anything. I wanted to punch them and make a run for it, but they had guns and strength, none of which I could match in any way. I kept my mouth shut again.

The Reaper chuckled again, “I don’t know if you keeping your pretty mouth shut is a curse or a blessing-“ he stopped himself and slapped my now undamaged cheek with as much force as he could, making me yelp at the pain. I kept my face turned the direction his hand had turned it, but he gripped my chin forcefully and made me look at him. His expression had turned almost sour as he stared right into my eyes, “Fucking answer the question, what are you willing to do?” he spat, his face only breaths away from mine. Keeping a frown on, I uttered, “I wasn’t calling on you, there were people blocking another road-“ His mouth contorted into a smile once again as he pushed my face against the crate before letting go as he threw his hands in the air, and turned around on himself once, “She speaks! God it’s so entertaining to see you’re—Still. Not. Crying.” He gritted through his teeth the last three words before leaning over once again, his face very close to mine just like before.

“You’re telling me it’s a coincidence then?” He asked in a playful tone, clearly mocking me.

Fuck I wanted to make a run for it and get away from here. My heart was trying to beat out of my chest the longer I spent time here, the only thought running through my mind was: I am going to die here. How else would I end up? He had killed a man that had told him what he wanted to know, so no matter what I said he would kill me, right? Stammering a bit, I nodded the best I could with legs still around my neck, “Yes, I hadn’t seen you were here, I-“

“You’re funny! I’ll give you that! God you’re-“ He pulled back and made a rapid movement of his arms approaching me, as if putting me on display, “You’re fun! Ran, let her go.” The first part was said in excitement, the latter in the utmost seriousness. The moment he had spoken those words, the man let go of my neck and I was about to stumble when the Reaper grabbed me by the shoulders. He was tall, strangely tall, way above average, and it only added to all the traits that already made him scary. My whole body tensed, I thought this was it. He glared at me for a few moments before speaking to one of his friends, his gaze never leaving mine, “What do we know?”

An unknown voice reached my ear, it was close, so it must have been the other man on the crate, “Seems like a civilian, said she was an accountant. She also seemed surprised when the vermin said Silas&Son.” That perked the Reaper’s interest.

“Oh, so the little girl knows things. Have they sent you?” He asked, forcing me to look up by gripping my chin once more. He did not care the amount of strength he used, he couldn’t care less if I was uncomfortable, to him I was just a puppet that he could throw around and play with. Clearly he was right since I moved along and did not fight back. If I did, I would die, I was sure of it. “I was walking home from work—I saw my usual path was blocked and people were ganging up against a man so I-“ “You ran? The rat isn’t one for conflict, eh?” He patted my head and smiled almost reassuringly before letting go of me, making sure I fell on the floor. “Then? Make this quick, this ain’t the time for a bedtime story.”

“I called the police so that they could check—they said it was none of their business so I tried again and you-“ Fuck I was stuttering, the stress was too much and once I had fallen on my back, he was a lot more intimidating. He could just pull out his gun and shoot me, I could not get up with how I was shaking.

“You tried to do the right thing, right?” He asked, his back now turned to me. I could not gauge his emotion, so I replied sincerely, “Yes, it was all that I could do-“

Suddenly he turned around and pointed a gun at me, grinning, “Wrong! You could have helped the poor, poor man on the street, yeah? But you didn’t, why?” I did not reply right away, so he waved the gun around before crouching right in front of me and taking a good look at me. “They were too many-“ “That never stops a hero, does it? It’s all about charisma, determination, letting your body act faster than your brain, no?” He asked rhetorically, but while I waited for him to continue he sighed and looked down, his gun dropping lower as his arm fell limp. He started mumbling to himself a moment, using the gun to scratch his hair. Perhaps it was not the most adequate time to do so, but I looked at his outfit and saw he was wearing suit pants and a white business shirt. Quite the outfit for a murderer, but he had made sure to pull his sleeves up to not stain it. He was right in doing so since all the blood from earlier was on his black gloves and his forearms.

“Tell me, rat,” He slowly looked up and gave me a wicked smile, “Are you a hero?” He brought the gun to my forehead and all I did was close my eyes in fear. A sob escaped my lips as I tried to back away, but I was only met with the wooden crate, accidentally bumping my head against the shoes of one of the men sitting on it. “Do you believe there is good in this world? That it deserves to be saved? Hm? Would you die for this pathetic excuse of a world?” He pressed the gun even more against my skin. I heard the click as he disengaged the safety and tried to close my eyes even more than how I had already shut them, but found it impossible. My entire body was shaking, there was no helping the sobs escaping my mouth even by covering it.

I felt a gentle hand push my hand away and opened my eyes in confusion, only to see that the man who was holding a gun against me was grinning, “Answer the question.” He turned the gun horizontally and rested his arm on his knee as he placed his head on his free hand, completely relaxed. Getting lost in thoughts, I stared emptily at him while he started counting down, “Three…” Am I a hero? How would one describe a Hero? None of the mythological heroes could define me, none of those famous franchises either. “Two, think faster.” What answer did he want? Should I give him what he wants, or should I just be honest? “One-“

“I’m not a hero, I didn’t call right away because he deserved it, I-“ Taking a deep breath, I tried to take a hold of myself and calm down the best I could. “He harassed people, no one ever did anything about it-“

“See! Wasn’t hard, was it? Good girl,” He patted my head before moving the gun under my chin and raising it with the end of the gun, his finger never leaving the trigger, “You’re also a bad person then, you’re like us, right? Some people do deserve to die!”

Shuddering, I took a shaky breath and inhaled, “I’m nothing like you-“ “If he died it’s because ye didn’t act quick enough, don’t you agree?” He inquired with a pleading look, the mockery never leaving his tone. “I don’t, no.” My words were followed by the gun leaving my person as the man stood up quickly and barked out a laugh before asking his friends if they had heard that, they only grumbled in reply. He tucked the gun in the back of his pants and I quickly let my head down in fear I had triggered him somehow, frightened it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. “I like you, accountant woman. I just wanna see one thing to know what I should do with you—well two, but I’ll start slow.” Bringing his arm behind his back, I tensed again but then felt the gun hit my ankle as he threw it at me.

“Shoot me,” He ordered as he crouched in front of me, his arms crossed over his knees while grinning broadly. “I killed a guy, right? I am bad, killing me should make you a hero.” His little speech was stupid, it only started a vicious cycle of death with no end. Killing a killer that killed one person? It’d make me a killer that killed one person, and so on. But he brought his hand to mine and wrapped my fingers around the handle of the gun before pressing it against his forehead. “Here, you can’t miss from this close, show me you got guts! Come on, do it.” That grin turned into something scary, manic, he was getting off on the thrill. But my hands were shaking, I had never held a gun before, never intended to, but tonight was nothing if not exceptional. When I tried to put my arm down, he grabbed my elbow and kept it up, “It’s you or me, come on, make this fun for both of us-“ “I’m not shooting you in the head! You’re insane-“

Hearing my words well, he barked a laugh then guided the gun to his heart, one of the men behind me sighed and told him to hurry up, but the Reaper only shushed him. “Here, then? Sounds better?” Nothing was right in his head; I couldn’t understand what he was doing. No matter how hard I tried, I did not know the point he was making, but taking all this time to think about it made me lose the position of power he had given me. Forcing my hand to let go of the gun, he took it and, at the speed of light, put it in my mouth, making a sob escape it as he did so. “That’s a missed opportunity, too bad.” He shrugged then as I saw him press the trigger. I closed my eyes, my hands gripping my thighs so tight, it must have left some marks under the fabric of my pants.

The click of the trigger echoed, and I felt myself jump on the spot at how loud the bang was—so this is it? That thought crossed my mind rapidly, but was shoved aside by the loud ringing in my ears. I then heard footsteps echoing around the warehouse. The gun was no longer in my mouth, there were no bullets, it was a blank; I felt my stomach churn and opened my eyes in panic before pushing my tormentor away. I was surprised when he let me do so, but it was better for him. Slamming my hands down, I was on the floor as I emptied my stomach on the concrete. Chuckles reached my ears along with the whispers of a few words, “Can’t even stomach a bit of gun play.” “Should have killed her, blood stench leaves easier than vomit.” The latter comment made one of them laugh.

When I was done, I thought for a second that death was quick, most of the time. And when it wasn’t, you expected it, you weren’t filled with stress. Hence why no one ever spoke of post-mortem vomit. It made me laugh only for a second until I was pushed back on my ass when the man with the earring pressed his foot against my chest, making me wince. “Your name, what is it?” he asked seriously.

Feeling some sort of confidence build up, I looked up at him and leaned over, using the hem of his pants to wipe my mouth, but did not answer. The seriousness on his face turned into the look of someone who had been challenged; he snapped his fingers, then I heard someone say my name, my birthdate and my birthplace. Looking at the person who kept reading out loud, I saw the man with a tiger tattoo on his neck approach before tossing my wallet at me. I did not know when they had found the time to pickpocket me, but they managed to. My cheeks were burning up from the sickness, the stress and the embarrassment this entire situation brought but I still tried to keep my head high, for what it was worth. Bringing my hands to my face, I only now felt the tears that had rolled down my cheeks.

“Okay little tattletale, I think I’ll let you go for now-“ “Are you not going to kill me? Isn’t this what you do?” I asked in a weak voice, not even attempting to get up after all the time you had been mishandled. Both the man with the earring and the tattooed one were standing in front of me. The former reached out for my hand to help me get up, I did not take it, so he sighed loudly and bent over to grab my bicep and forcefully get me up. “We only kill snitches and annoying fucks, are you one of those?” I was about to tell him no when he leaned over suddenly and pressed his index against my lips to shut me up. Startled, I tried to step back but he held the back of my head with his free hand and beamed, “No, you’re not. You’re gonna be useful, you’re just the right amount of malleable,” The finger that had left my mouth moved to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear, I shivered in disgust, “I can see it in your eyes that you’ll be a fun one to work with.”

I tried to pull away from him, but his hand gripped my hair tight and kept me in place, stopping me from leaning back when he approached closer, “Since you’re not a hero, we’ll make you a villain then—I mean, it’s not going to be hard considering your stance on killing.” He grimaced at that before turning it into a full laugh and letting go of me.

“Rindou, take her back to her place-“ “I’m not doing that, I got plans with Ran. Send the tiger boy, we’re done for tonight.” The one with purple hair and glasses said as he hopped off the crate, followed by the other man on it. It made the Reaper’s face turn sour as he gripped the one who had just spoken and tightened his hold on his shoulder, “I don’t do escorting, that’s your job.” He gritted through his teeth.

Seeing the tension, I put my wallet back in my bag and cleared my throat, “I’ll—I can walk home on my own, by now they must be gone-“ All of them looked at me with a threatening gaze, I felt like a deer caught in headlights. The man with the braids started walking off, Ran was his name I believe, along with the man with the tattoo on the neck, while the two others stayed right there and glared at me. When I took a step back, taking their silence for permission, the Reaper wrapped his arm around my shoulders and held me close to him, “Right, I’ll do it tonight. Just because she’s a fun one-“ “I can walk home alone, it’s no problem,” I tried to push him away, my hands were shaky and had a few scraps. Without the constant manhandling, not that I missed it, I could feel the dampness of my clothes and how cold it was getting.

Looking down at me without any expression on his face, the Reaper turned us around and waved everyone goodbye, his arm never leaving my shoulders. “We both know that’s not true, if we let you walk home alone you might get beaten up by—how did you put it? ‘Gang members’, yeah, that was what you said on the phone.” He hummed, shoving his free hand in his pocket as he guided us outside. I felt uneasy in his hold, I felt like he was walking me towards my execution. I did not want to lead him to my house, but what choice did I have? He would find it sooner or later; at least that’s what he said, but I did not know how much truth there was to it. In my eyes, it was but a small group of violent men that had killed someone.

“In the end you did get beaten up by a gang member, but it could’ve been worse.” He said lightheartedly as he stopped in front of a car. When I paused my steps and still did not look at him, simply waiting for his next move, I felt him grab my chin and turn my head towards him. My breath hitched in fear as I met his golden eyes. He seemed a bit bored now, but I couldn't care less how he felt, I wanted to bolt away from his touch. “You should disinfect that, and you’ll definitely bruise, but you probably have makeup or something to hide that.” He shrugged.

When he leaned over again, I brought my hands in front of me and closed my eyes to stop him from touching me, but I only heard him huffing a laugh next to my ear as he opened the door of the passenger seat. “Get in, I’ll drop you off.” Looking up at him, I blinked a few times then glanced at the inside of the car. I don’t know what I was expecting, something dirty, bloody, disgusting perhaps. But instead, it was perfectly clean, not a speck of dirt in sight. It looked like an expensive car, but perhaps it was just very clean, I did not know. Still unsure, I hesitantly got inside and was about to close the door but felt a certain strength holding it back. The man was leaning on the door and bent over to peek his head inside the car, thinking he needed something. I pressed myself more against the seat to let him grab what he wanted, but his hand reached for the belt and fastened it for me.

“Wouldn’t want you to escape—ah, I mean, safety first.” He said mockingly before winking and slamming the door shut. My hands found their way to the belt and held it tight as I watched him walk around the car. His steps were too big for me to make a run for it, he would catch up on me in no time, I was stuck with him. As he entered the vehicle and fastened his own seatbelt, he pointed at the glove box and handed me his gloves, “Put them back and hand me a wipe, tattletale.”

His craziness was a lot more toned down, for a second I wondered how many faces this man had. The one I was seeing right now was intimidating from how put together he seemed, the other one was scary from how unexpected his actions were. “Why aren’t you killing me?” I asked without looking at him, focused on pushing the gun out of the way inside the glove box and grabbing the little pack of wipes. Giving it to him, his brow was quirked, “Because you’re a good girl,” He grinned, wiping his hands as he continued, “No one would ever suspect you’re working with the likes of a gang. You’re gonna be useful and that’s all that matters, you should be thankful I didn’t kill you. I hate people who eavesdrop.” He said, as he shoved the wipe in the door compartment.

“I didn’t eavesdrop.” I muttered, looking outside the window when he started the car. The laugh that erupted out of nowhere scared me, making me tense again, I dared to look his way and saw his manic smile again. “So, you’re an accountant, pretty boring. You should be thrilled I chose you.” He said in a mix of pride and humor before increasing the volume of the music then drumming his fingers on the wheel. Thinking about his words some more, I glanced his way and lowered the volume, catching his attention as he looked me dead in the eyes. “What if I don’t want to work with you?” I asked, measuring my tone to not piss him off, it did not take a genius to understand this man was unstable and that I needed to tread lightly around him.

Even with as much care as I put in my voice, his reaction was sudden when he turned the wheel and stopped the car on the side of the road. Passing cars honked in annoyance but the man did not care one bit while I had slammed my hand on the dashboard to stop my head from hitting it. Insulting him under my breath, I looked up and saw he had placed his arms on the wheel, his left cheek resting on his forearm. “Then leave. Get out right now, nothing’s stopping you.”

“What’s stopping me is that you’ll kill me, or you’ll run me over, multiple times,” I could see the smile on his face was spreading, but he did not move. The condescendence in his lack of reaction, of action, annoyed me but at the same time frightened me, was he going to slam my head against the window? Against the dashboard? I did not know, but I continued, stammering this time from how nervous I was becoming, “My life is on the fucking line, that’s what’s holding me back.” I spat. My eyes had never left his, even as his smile turned into a grin and his slender fingers gripped the wheel tighter.

When he did not look away, I did. At the same time, I turned on the seat and fully looked ahead instead of facing him. A silence set for a moment then I heard the car start and the man sighed, content, “You’re smart to stay, you’re only alive because I can use you. If you had left, I’d have shot you and left you on the side of the road to die.” He said in a light tone. The words he had spoken had the same effect of a bullet; my guts took a hit without being truly hit. I did not have a choice at all, I was stuck working for a man I did not know without even knowing what I had to do.

His hand rose and I closed my eyes, flinching slightly, “Type in your address, tattletale.” With the little confidence that remained, I lifted my shaky hand and typed it in while telling him that I had a name. Then added, “You should use it. Maybe there is a name I can call you by?” I was not asking for his ID, nor anything specific, if he had a codename in his stupid gang or something like that I would go with it, but calling him Reaper in my head sounded idiotic. “Sorry doll, I think nark or snitch suits you a lot more.” He hummed a moment, throwing me a glance from the corner of his eyes as his hands moved on the wheel absent-mindedly. Huffing in annoyance, I placed my elbow against the window and rested my chin against my fist, thinking he was done. After all, why should I care what he called me? I should simply call him an asshole if he was so keen on calling me a snitch. Or perhaps I should live up to the title and do exactly that, tell the police.

A hand wrapped around my wrist and pulled me out of my daydream with my head bumped against the window. Wincing in pain, I heard the man laugh loudly while being focused on the road, “That’s deserved for not paying attention.” He said through laughter. “Pay attention to what? The road? I’m not the one driving-“ “To me, you should keep your guard up, snitch. Who knows what I could do.” He said with a deadpan expression. Without looking at me, he brought his hand to tuck my hair out of the way, then glanced at me and smirked. His touch was light, almost gentle. It allowed me to get a proper look at his tattoo, but I could not focus on it at all, I only tensed up before feeling him grip my throat and bring me closer to him. I made a choking sound and complied to avoid as much pain as possible, “You can call me Hanma, as long as you don’t scream it from every fucking rooftop.”

I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. This night was not going as planned at all and every time I found any respite, it would be ruined, and the man would turn violent again. I could not let my guard down, I knew it but when he would just stay put, I could not help myself but think he was done. Clearly he wasn’t. His hold lessened a bit, so I took the opportunity to claw his hand away and pull myself back, my own hand around my throat in protection. “They called you the Reaper.” I croaked, wanting him to talk more so that I wouldn’t have to.

“They did, yeah.” He shrugged.

That was it. He did not add anything else. The matter was closed. When I asked him why they did that, he pulled the car on the side of the road again, startling me in the process. With how on edge I was, I did not realize where we were and thought he would be mad again, but instead he looked over my shoulder and nodded, “That’s you, get out.” He told me as his left arm rested on the wheel while the right one was on the back of the seat, casually leaning on it while looking at me. Looking behind me, I saw my house and felt some hope at finally being able to get home and yet… I did not leave right away and instead prodded, “The news talks about your gang, how many people did you kill?” His eyes traveled from my head to my hands then up to my head again, the arrogance never leaving his face as he leaned back against the car door and waved a hand dismissively, “Take a guess, I think it should be fun.”

I was about to give him a number when he leaned forward quickly, his face right in front of mine as he whispered, “Don’t forget those in comas or those at the hospital, they might not be dead, but they might as well be,” He chuckled happily then approached even closer, his lips right next to my ear, “They’re only alive because I said they could be, like you are. One wrong move and,” leaning back quickly, he clapped his hands, “Bang, dead.” He said dead meaning those in the hospital, but I fully understood he was threatening me, I was not an idiot.

Taking this as my cue to go, I unbuckled my seatbelt and when I was about to open the door, I heard the mechanism of the car locking it. Turning around to look at Hanma, I wordlessly asked if he needed anything else. His hand reached out towards me, “Your phone.”

“I didn’t record this or anything, I was not on a call with the police either, I-“ snatching it from my hand while I was rambling, Hanma tried to unlock it but instead was met with a locked screen. Hesitantly, I took it from his hand, mine being a lot shakier than his seeing how steady his were and unlocked it before giving it back to him. A minute passed and he handed the phone back to me, “We’ll be in contact. Things are gonna change for you, doll. Hope you’re ready for what’s coming.”

He was an unusual character, he was confusing, violent, and surely insane. All of those things added up in my mind, making me accidentally let it slip, “How can one be ready with you? Crazy man…” I said it all under my breath and huffed the last part as I pushed the door open. I let out a sigh when the door opened easily, part of me even thanked the man for not keeping me in any longer but I was still on my toes, certain he would say something else as I left the car, but he did not.

Grabbing my bag, I shuffled away from the car that still hadn’t moved and kept glancing over my shoulders until I reached the door where I struggled to put the key in the keyhole. At each failed attempt my frustration grew, the swears flooded out of my mouth easily and soon it turned into a stupid crying of frustration. “Fuck this, fucking shit-“ when the key finally fit, I hurried inside and locked the door behind me again but this time with the sliding lock, knowing full well I would struggle again too much to lock my door with the key seeing how tensed I still was.

The darkness of my home was what welcomed me. It was awful, it was cold and above everything it felt oppressive—my face was heating up, I was suffocating, my clothes were burning my skin, but I was also shaking. Fanning my face, I made my way to the bathroom with heavy steps, my breath was quickening, was it breathing or heaving? I needed to calm down, I needed to ground myself but I did not know how, this never happened but I felt like I was dying. I could not breathe, my lungs hurt at each intake of breath. “Fuck, fuck, shit, calm down“ I panted while taking off my clothes, I needed to take everything off, I wanted to burn them, it was filthy, disgusting and smelled wretched.

As I took off my top, I caught a whiff of the stench of the warehouse and let out a sob but did not let it stop me even if I could not breathe. I removed the rest of my clothes and knelt by the bath, leaning over to turn the shower on but did not wait for it to be warm to step inside and let it pour all over my dirtied body. The coldness made me take a deep breath that seemed to have helped with the panic attack I was having, but it did not help the crying, so I let it all out while I was washing up. What have I gotten myself into? What happens next? What am I supposed to do now? Is he going to ask me to kill someone? Am I going to have to use a gun? I didn’t want to do any of those, I only walked by something I had nothing to do with and—letting out a scream of frustration, I sat down in the bath and let the water rain on me. I ran my hands through my wet hair and placed my elbows on my knees, grunting again, “I don’t do gangs… I do numbers, I don’t have time to murder people…” I mumbled.

Letting my own words sink in, I let out a chuckle at first and focused my gaze on the wall in front of me then laughed again, shortly. I don’t have time to murder people, yeah… “Because if you had time you would?” I asked myself jokingly as I stood up, laughing again. Shaking my head, I shut the shower off and got out, almost slipping on the water that had splattered around the bath. I hadn’t taken time to put a towel on the floor or prepare anything, fortunately I managed to balance myself and took one from the closet. Once I was dry, I wrapped my robe around my form and stopped in front of the mirror, taking a proper look at the damage I had taken.

The scratch on my cheekbone was bruised, there was another bruise on my neck that I could probably hide with a turtleneck, the season allowed it, and if not with a turtleneck then a scarf would do the trick. Disrobing myself just to take a look at the rest of it, I had some bruises on my arms where I was grabbed to be moved roughly, without counting the pain on my ass but no one would see that. Passing my tongue over my teeth, I was glad as I still had all of them, but my jaw hurt, “Did I bite the inside of my cheek? At what moment could-“ A flashback of when the man slapped me with full force appeared in my mind, fueling me with a bad feeling of uneasiness as I put back my robe. “Bastard…” I huffed before opening the door of my bathroom and stepping inside the dark room again. Talking to myself, I continued, “Nothing’s stopping me from telling the police, who does he think he is? I could very well call them, yeah…” I paused in my steps and scoffed dryly, “Not that they’d listen.”

The news was always talking about the gangs in the city, telling us that the police were working on stopping them, but no one knew the people that were supposed to defend and help were a bunch of sellouts, bribed out idiots. The system we had put our trust in had decided to fuck us over and to leave us to ourselves, it was because of them that I was in this situation. It’s not like it had been hard to stumble upon one of their gang meetings. They might claim discretion, but if anyone could find them, it was anything but. “Who am I kidding? I am fucked,” I barked a laugh and turned on the light, “Guess I am a gang member-“ I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw the man my thoughts were plagued with, sitting on my couch, his legs crossed with one ankle over a knee. “Not exactly, you still need to prove yourself. But I love the enthusiasm!” He said while placing an arm on the back of the couch and looking at me with a satisfied smile, not even fully facing me, only to look right ahead once he was done talking.

Usually, one would say don’t turn your back on your enemy, but he was the predator here, he had nothing to fear, I was the one shaking in my metaphorical boots. Deciding to not be useless, I was about to shuffle to the kitchen discretely when I saw him beckon me closer by bending his index finger. Thinking I could play it off as not having seen it, I took one step towards the kitchen when I heard him click his tongue over his teeth, “I said, come here.” Stopping dead in my tracks, I did not speak, and silently opened my bag to pull out my phone and start recording. His hand gripped the back of the couch and I heard him chuckle mockingly, “Ran said you were stupid, but we both know you’re not, now come.” Putting the phone properly on the furniture, I followed his order and walked up to him to stand right in front of him, my arms crossed over my chest to close my bathrobe up to my neck.

“How the fuck did you get in?” I spat. He was not driving, which meant he could not throw me out of a speeding car. He was not surrounded by other maniacs either, and if he had a gun and decided to shoot me, I would have proof of it. There was a semblance of safety, even amidst the fact that the man had broken in without caring. It led me to have some confidence.

The man grinned and leaned over, his elbows resting on his knees. His demeanor was one of a man in control, he knew he could do anything to me because I would bend, he said it himself, I was malleable. But not for lack of will, simply by fear. And if he kept bending me this much, I would not last long, I would break. As long as I feared him, he had the upper hand… but I was not feeling fearless yet. With a low chuckle, he simply said, “Broke in with pliers,” then showed me the pair of pliers lying on the couch. I glanced at my door and saw the chain of my lock was broken as he had said, but that loss of attention directed to him annoyed him. Snapping his fingers, he brought my attention back to him, “Here, you should make a double of your key-“ “I’m not doing that. First, you’ll pay me back for breaking my lock, then if you want to meet up for whatever you got planned for me, you pick a spot but not-“

My breath hitched when Hanma rapidly stood up, his form towering mine as he looked down at me with his hair falling randomly on his forehead. “We got a lotta confidence suddenly, don’t we? Go ahead, finish your sentence, I’m listening.” He cooed in a condescending tone, his face approaching mine as he hovered slightly over me. Looking up at him, I looked down to his chest feeling my confidence wane slightly. When I tried to step back, not liking how close he was to me, he placed his hand on my shoulder to stop me. “Come on partner, let it all out, you seem to have a lot on your mind. Keeping it all bottled up ain’t gonna end up well. We should get along if we’re gonna work together, yeah?” He said in a fake listening attitude, we both knew he didn’t care but I was riled up and clenched my fists.

“I don’t want you in my house, you’re a piece of shit. I don’t want to get along, I want you to fuck off—Get out.” I managed to say everything without stuttering, but his grip tightened on my shoulder, making me tense up even if it was not painfully tight. Simply knowing that nothing was holding him back, not his mind, nor his ethics, nothing. His mood was the turning point of his actions, which means one change of emotion could make him go feral and hit me, it scared me. Hissing mockingly, he tilted my chin up to make me look at him, a smirk adorning his face, “Make me leave then, do something about it.” Grabbing both my shoulders, he pushed me back slightly then spread his arms wide, a huge smile on his face, “Go ahead, I won’t do anything—it’s free hits,” He taunted. When I did not move, he pointed at his face and licked his lips like an animal looking at its next meal.

“Do it, show me your guts, little rat! I hit you right? I put a gun to your head, that must be so annoying, right?” Biting the inside of my cheek, I could feel my frustration building up inside me again. He had done all those things, and no regret was written on his face, none. He had killed a man, broken inside my house, manhandled me and hit me. He had mocked me, humiliated me, mistreated me and while it all happened in a short time span, I already felt strongly about him. Reminding myself all that, I hadn’t realized the hit that flew from my person until it landed on his jaw, my fist feeling like it had hit a wall. His face turned to the side by the end of the action.

Using the heel of his hand to wipe the blood that dripped from his mouth, he looked at me with hooded eyes and grinned, his teeth colored red, “That’s hot, but ye shouldn’t have done that.”

[Part 2]

#tokyo revengers #hanma shuji #hanma x reader #hanma shuji x reader #fanfiction #writing #writers #physicalturian AO3 #physicalturian #deranged love #archive of our own #tokyo revengers hanma #tokyo revengers x reader

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onegayastronaut · 3 years

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The Professional Chp. 2 (Mob! Wanda Maximoff x Reader)

Words: 1889

Part 1

It has been almost a year since you had first said yes to dating Wanda, and it has been one of the best years you have experienced so far. A few months into your relationship, the redhead had told you about her special abilities and how she had used them to rise in the ranks of organized crime. People were eager to label her as a villain during her time with the Avengers, even after she had helped save the world on multiple occasions. She was just fulfilling what many people thought of her anyway.

Both during and after her rise in creating a criminal empire, she seemed to have a revolving door of people she slept with. Most of the girls knew who she was and what she did and were more than willing to be of service just to be able to say that they were in the presence of the great Wanda Maximoff. The rest got as far away as they could from her as soon as they woke up and realized who they had spent the night with. You were the first person who did not run when she first got to know you. At first, she would read your mind to make sure that you weren’t with her for ulterior motives but stopped when she realized that you were actually there for her. The two of you had talked about her abilities, and she agreed to stay out of your mind unless you gave her permission to do so.

You were waiting at home for Wanda to get back and decided to turn on the TV to distract yourself from missing her too much. She was at a meeting with an arms dealer, and you knew she wouldn’t be back for a few hours. When you pulled the blanket around yourself, you could smell Wanda’s perfume which almost made you feel like she was right there with you. It made you feel safe, and you fell asleep with the TV on in the background.

-----

You were sound asleep when the sliding glass door in the back slid open. The two people stepping noiselessly inside the house knew that Wanda was not present, which meant that they could take you with minimal resistance. Their boss had told them to keep you alive for the moment, as you could be used for leverage against his biggest rival. Before you had a chance to properly wake up, one of the men had pressed a towel over your face.

Wanda came home from her meeting irritated and grumpy. That meeting had dragged on longer than necessary, and she could not wait to end the night cuddling with you. She was so glad that you had decided to move in with her, she can’t imagine ending her nights with anyone else. When she got around to the living room, she frowned. The TV was on, but you were not on the couch in front of it. Normally, you would be asleep by the time she came home, and she would use her magic to carry you to bed. When she shook the blanket, your phone dropped onto the couch. You would never go anywhere without your phone by your side, and besides, you would have heard her come in by now. The uneasy feeling in Wanda’s heart made her feel like she was about to choke, and she reached out with her mind to detect your presence.

When she did not detect your mind, she immediately picked up her phone to call the two trackers she trusted the most. Her hands were shaking so much it took her three tries to get their numbers correct on her phone. She swore quietly as the phone rang. Every second was crucial now that you were gone. The people that she dealt with were not known to treat hostages kindly, and she did not know what she would do if you were hurt.

Luckily, her trackers delivered results fairly quickly and found where you were being held. Wanda waved them off as soon as they sent her your location, as she wanted to get you herself. Nobody messes with her girl, and she did not trust anyone else to get you back safely.

Thankfully, her magic allowed her to fly over to the abandoned warehouse fairly quickly, and she landed directly across from the address that was given to her. She looked down to see how many people she would be up against and couldn’t help but snort in laughter. There were only six guards outside, and as she expanded her mind, there were a few more guards inside, including the person responsible for having you kidnapped in the first place. Wanda let out a low snarl as she detected his mind, she knew that he was dissatisfied with his remaining territory, but she did not think he would be so stupid as to kidnap you. He must have a death wish, and she would not disappoint.

Wanda lowered herself to the ground, and used her magic to take out three of the six guards that were outside. It seemed so easy to take care of the rest, only two of them were able to get shots off before her magic caused their deaths. The commotion seemed to have alerted the people inside that she was there, and the yells of the remaining goons told her that they were heading her way. She blocked the bullets coming in her direction with barely any effort, and another flick of her wrist caused the guards to fall into a coma. They wouldn’t be bothering her for a while.

As Wanda moved further into the building, she saw you tied up on a chair, and she immediately ran over to you. “(Y/N)? (Y/N), are you okay?” As she came closer, she saw that your face was bloody, and one of your eyes was swollen shut. You moaned as you started to wake up, and when you saw her, you tried to smile despite the bruises on your face. She was going to kill the man responsible, nobody gets to put their hands on her baby girl.

Just as she was about to untie you, a bullet ricocheted off one of the pipes right next to your head, and she immediately pushed you so that you were lying on your side on the floor. As she turned around, she saw the little man who had ordered your abduction. Red tendrils enveloped her hands, and her eyes turned red as she blasted the man over and over again with her magic. She didn’t stop until he could not get up anymore, and it was only then when she was able to calm down and turn to you.

What she wasn’t prepared for was to see that you were already awake and had seen what she had done. Wanda hesitated for a second, unsure of what your facial expression meant. Were you scared of her? Did you not want to be with her anymore after you saw her this way? She didn’t want to read your mind to see what you were thinking, you seemed upset enough without her invading your privacy on top of it. She approached you slowly and stopped a little bit before you. “Are you okay?”

You nodded, unsure of what to say at the moment.

“Would it be okay if I take you home?”

You nodded again, and Wanda gathered you in her arms before taking off. You weren’t sure how long it was before you fell asleep with Wanda holding you.

-----

Several hours later, you managed to open your eyes to see that the sun was very well out. According to the clock that was on the counter, it was almost the evening, and you had to turn your head to see Wanda standing in the corner of the room looking at her shoes. You were used to seeing your girlfriend brooding, but you had expected her to be cuddling you in the bed that you shared, considering what had just happened. She was standing very still, so you decided that it was up to you to make the first move.

“Hey.”

Wanda’s head snapped up, and the look of fear in her eyes was not something that you were used to seeing. “You’re awake.”

“Yeah, but I have a headache that feels like it can last for days.”

“I had Banner come in, and he said that you should be okay in a few days.”

“That’s good. What’s the matter? You don’t seem happy to hear that I’ll be okay soon.”

Wanda scoffed as she returned to looking at anywhere but you. “You’ll be okay, this time.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“That means I got to you in time, this time. It means that you weren’t seriously hurt, this time. I managed to get you out alive. But what if I’m not able to do that next time someone decides to come after you?” Wanda’s voice rose until she was yelling, and stopped when a tear rolled down her cheek. “And I saw the way that you were looking at me after I took down that guy who was holding you in the warehouse. It was like you were scared of me.”

You got up despite getting lightheaded the moment you got on your feet and made your way towards Wanda. Despite Wanda withdrawing a bit when you got close to her, you wrapped your arms around her. After a moment of stiffness, you felt her relax. Her strong arms moved to hug you back, and her head rested on your shoulder. “You know I’m never going to leave you, right?”

“But the way you were –”

“No, Wanda. Look at me.” You put your hands on both sides of her face and waited until her green eyes met yours. “I love you, and I am not leaving you. I was just…surprised is all. But what I saw yesterday is not enough to make me leave. I knew who you were when we started dating, and I knew what I was getting into. You’re going to have to work a lot harder for me to not want to be with you anymore.”

“Do you mean that? Really?” Wanda’s voice was shaking as she looked at you. It was like she was trying to make sure that you would not disappear if she closed her eyes, and you gently kissed her.

“I mean that, every word.”

Wanda kissed you again, gently at first and gradually rougher as the kiss went on. It was only when both of you were out of breath that she stopped. “I don’t know what I would have done if you were…you know.”

“Good thing that nobody had to find out.” You kissed Wanda again, and this time you felt her smile into the kiss. It was then that your stomach decided to make itself known by growling loudly, causing both of you to giggle.

“Let me make you something to eat.” Wanda carried you over to the kitchen. She was not planning on letting you go for the time being. Stepping up security for you was going to be a problem for another day, right now all she wanted to do was to make you happy.

#wanda maximoff #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x you #wanda maximoff imagine #marvel #marvel imagine #marvel x you

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b-lessings · 3 years

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10 lessons I learned from the first 10 days of Ramadan 🌙

(personal, subjective, and in no particular order)

1) It's a constant work and it doesn't get easier. This is the first thing that came into my mind. As a matter of fact, the daily routine of this month is no joke, whichever deeds you try to perform and incorporate in your deen from the 5 obligatory prayers, to the sunnah, to the nawafil, to the azkar, to the Qur'an recitation, to the daily x number of istighfar you promised yourself you'd achieve, it is a lot of work, especially if you have a family to take care of, a job or school to go to, or more critically, if your mental health is not at its best condition. Every day (or night), you get out of bed and you're back at square one, you have all this list of tasks to do, and it gets a lot some times, and you do feel exhausted (but if you are among the lucky ones, then it is the good kind of exhausted), and it's not like your prayers are gonna perform themselves, you have to ger up, you have to act. That's why you need to constantly remind yourself why you are doing this in the first place. What is the point of fasting and waking up in the middle of the night to pray and spending hours throughout the day just remembering Allah swt and reading his book, etc. You have to remind yourself of the ultimate purpose of this month, that we are sacrificing the worldly pleasures for the sake of Allah swt, to gain Taqwa, to be in a state of constante awareness and consciousness of Allah's presence, to get closer to Allah swt the most gracious the most merciful, and that if we don't actually put on some work and effort, we won't get to where we want to go, we won't achieve any of that. It is good to keep things in perspective. Be aware of what you are doing, where you are now, where do you wanna go and what it takes to get you there. If it's constant work and effort, then be it.

2) You can't achieve anything by yourself, your intentions are not enough, you need Allah's support. In fact, for the first couple of days I was so confused, I had to ask my sisters " If the devils are all locked away, why do I feel like I can't focus? " And I was constantly asking myself, if I have already prepared, downloaded the calendars and planners, put up a big board on my bedroom wall, etc., Why do I feel like my Iman is getting low?, AstaghfiruAllah. Aren't we supposed to feel on cloud nine? In a state of pure bliss? And then I came across a khutbah where the Sheikh may Allah swt bless him answered my question. He explained that even though Shaytan is locked away, he has already programmed us, for 11 months (he even made a joke that Shaytan deserves a month off because he has been working too hard for the rest of the year). Anyways, what I realized is even your will and your plans and your excitement about Ramadan and your promises to do so and so deeds is not enough if you don't ask Allah swt for support, for sabr, for guidance, for help, for strength to be able to fulfill those ibadat and carry out the plans you have made for this month. You need to constantly ask Allah swt because who else is our refuge? Who else is our source of strength and patience ? Who else will keep us steadfast on the straight path? And who else is gonna help us against the traps of Shaytan? No matter how willing or excited or determined you are to perform your prayers, finish reading the Qur'an, etc, you still need Allah swt to bless your deeds, every step of the way. Without Him, nothing can be achieved. So in your sujood, ask Him that He give you enough strength to finish that prayer in full Khushoo' and concentration, and after that prayer, ask him for sabr and strength to manage to perform the next one and the one after. Tell Him that you seek refuge in Him from the traps of Shaytan, from laziness and lethargy, from the disoriented heart and the distracted mind. Show Him that you are vulnerable and that even though you are trying to do this for Him, you actually can't do it without Him. SubhanAllah.

3) Forgive yourself when you fall short.

{يُرِيدُ اللَّهُ بِكُمُ الْيُسْرَ وَلَا يُرِيدُ بِكُمُ الْعُسْرَ}

{God intends for you ease and does not want hardship for you}

Allah swt literally said this in Surat Al Baqara (The Cow) when he prescribed Fasting upon us and introduced us to the holy month of Ramadan. Soz read it again. As simple as that, I am not gonna develop this idea further.

4) No matter how much you prepared before Ramadan came, you aren't prepared enough. Well, are you familiar with the saying that Ramadan is like a marathon and you have to prepare for it way before? That's actually true. And guess what? No matter how much you think you are prepared, there are still gonna be some moments when you'd still feel out of breath, where you wish you'd have prepared more. May Allah swt make us reach the end of this month smoothly and seamlessly. May Allah swt bless us and accept our deeds from beginning to end.

5) Our deeds don't get accepted because they're good enough, they get accepted because Allah is merciful. I heard this in a youtube khutba just last night and it resonated with me. Put this in your mind, learn it by heart, print it out on your forehead if necessary! No matter how perfect you think your deeds are, they won't get accepted because you're an amazing slave of Allah swt and you win at worship and ibadah. Don't get too confident, beware of arrogance, control your ego. Stay humble and know your place. The only reason why your deeds would be accepted is because Allah swt will have mercy on you, not because you are so good that your deeds would qualify you for forgiveness and acceptance. So pray that Allah swt accepts our deeds and pray that he encompasses us with His mercy.

6) Don't compare to others, don't get intimidated by others, we are not on the same journey. Walk your own rocky path. I can't stress this enough. I know a lot of brothers and sisters Mashaa'Allah, Allahuma barik, are overachievers, or they might just be out of our league. And sometimes, through social media, we see what they share (in their attempt to motivate us and share some tips and good deeds, spread the knowledge, May Allah swt bless them, accept their deeds and reward them), so we get intimidated. Sometimes it feels like what we are doing is not good enough because it doesn't even compare to what X or Y are doing. And we feel a bit scared that we are not good enough of slaves for Allah swt or that Allah swt wouldn't be pleased with us like He swt would be pleased with them, and we can even feel unworthy and get discouraged ( beware it's a shaytan trap). It is simple though, your path to Allah swt is very personal. What a brother or a sister does only get to inspire you not discourage you or intimidate you. When you see someone sharing something good or beneficial, make duaa for them and make duaa for yourself then leave it at that. Competition is taking over every aspect of our worldly life, we shouldn't let it mess with this sacred part as well. And remember, we are not all on the same journey to Allah swt. It is okay if you can't recite the Qur'an in such a beautiful way or if you can't pray 10 rakaas of Taraweeh, it is okay if you can't read in Arabic or if you don't learn any hadith by heart. Allah swt is patient enough and considerate enough. Scratch that, He swt is the most patient, the most considerate, the most gracious, the most generous, and He appreciates your effort. What matters for Him is your sincerity and the purity of your intentions.

7) The less food you take, the more energy you will have. FACTS. I mean, imagine the struggle of having to pray Ishaa and Taraweeh on a full stomach where every time you get down for sujood you feel like your soup is coming up :/ Allahu almusta'aan. This month is not about feasting. It is literally about giving up pleasures (food being one of them) to focus on Allah. So, Focus on what's important and set your priorities straight.

8) Don't overdue it. Beware of the ghost of Burnout. So yeah, like I already said earlier, it is a lot of work and it requires preparation and constant effort. The aim is to be at our best shape of health and Iman on the last 10 nights because they are the most sacred, the most important, the most blessed. You might wanna consider starting small with your deeds and building up slowly. Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) said, "Do good deeds properly, sincerely and moderately and know that your deeds will not make you enter Paradise, and that the most beloved deed to Allah is the most regular and constant even if it were little." [Al Bukhari]

9) Personalize your ibadat / plans. In other words, do what's best for you and what's beneficial for you. Define your weaknesses and the areas in which you want to improve. Don't just do this or that deed because everyone else is doing them. Do not follow blindly. What is good for you might not be the thing recommended or done by the others. And what you need on your faith journey is not what X or Y needs. You will be judged on your own deeds, your own journey. Have a purpose and a reason for what you are doing and why you are doing that. Also, the more you feel like your plan or your routine is personal, the more you can relate to it and connect with it, the more sincere you will be, the more excited and enthousiastic you will be, and the easier it will be for you to perform your ibadat in Shaa Allah.

10) Too much information can be poisonous. If ,like me, you got into a habit of watching lectures and videos of speakers this Ramadan, then breaking news: it might get confusing. I don't want you to feel lost and confused. Allahima barik the resources are countless and limitless. But also, you have to beware whom you listen to. There are different sects, different perspectives, different rulings on certain things. So, try not take things blindly. Take them with a pinch of salt and always try to do a background check. And eventually, when it gets too much, always choose what's best for your heart, because we are created with an innate sense of "right" , our fitrah is sane, Alhamdulillah. So, try to be critical. Allah swt even recommends that.

I hope this post can be beneficial. Tell me which part you related to the most, and if you have any extra tips, please share. May Allah swt accept our deeds and grant us forgiveness, amen. 🤍

#ramadan thoughts #tips #ramadan experience #islam #رمضان١٤٤٢ #شهر رمضان #رمضانيات #sabr #muslims on tumblr #muslims #Allah

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batarella · 3 years

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3 birds 1 stone - chapter 11

‘Dick, Jason, and Tim. Supposed brothers 'till the end, until all three fall in love with you. Who wins your heart?

The man who earned it, the man who stole it, or the man who always had it?’

A/N: I’M SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG BUT THIS WAS A CHAPTER I’VE BEEN SO EXCITED FOR SINCE THE BEGINNING. FEATURING THE ALTERNATING PERSPECTIVES OF THE THREE ASSHOLES WE LOVE.

WORDS: 12,399 WARNINGS: mentions of trauma and fire, recovery from 3rd degree burns, hospitalized children in the pediatric burn unit. but this chapter is generally fluff

MASTERLIST | 3 BIRDS 1 STONE MASTERLIST

-----

Tim:

“Are you sure this is a good idea?”

A murderous glower, teeth gritted and mouth dry, asking that wasn’t the best idea for anyone at all who’d sense she wasn’t in the best mood. First, because her nerves were killing her. And second, the poor thing’s back must have been aching. She’d been crouched over for hours and here he was asking the worst questions at five in the morning, which further proved that case that he shouldn’t be so teasing with her cranky attitude that usually shows up when she’d stayed up all night. And she did. For all good reason.

“You’re telling me this now?” she asked him.

“I don’t mean this,” Tim held out his hands out around the room. “I mean this guy.” A stuffed clown. With a red nose, diamond shapes painted over its eyes, and a curly red wig. “You think clowns are a good way to cheer kids up?”

“Come on, Tim. Just because that stigma is around doesn’t mean clowns are always a bad idea.”

“That stigma related paperwhite skin like this to mass murder.”

“And thousands of clowns each day lose their jobs because of that. Clowns are fun. And great. Maybe this could help take kids’ minds away from that kind of thought so they won't have to be so scared at a birthday party.”

“You’re thinking way into the long term.” Tim placed the toy into the box and closed it up, taking a roll of packaging tape from his side.

“If that were the case, the same would go for this little guy here.” Y/N held up the penguin.

“Cobblepot doesn’t look like an actual penguin.”

“His name is Penguin and yes, he does.”

“He doesn’t give me the chills, not like a red nose does.”

The snort that came out of her nose was too laughable not to ignore, and he couldn’t. “Fine, asshole, you can take the clown out.”

His tired hands dropped onto the box he’d just finished taping up, and now he had the murderous look that she apparently found too funny.

“You couldn’t have said that before I taped the box?”

“Then just leave it there!”

“Make up your mind-“

“Just take it out when we get to the hospital.”

“Fine.” The frown so quickly turned to a curious grin he’d held back when she’d already moved to the next box and pulled out a teddy bear with brown curls and a red bow on his neck, and Y/N took a while just silently smiling at it, the kind of smile that always made him want to ask when he knew she was thinking of something he didn’t know.

“What?”

She slightly jumped when she’d heard him speak. “Nothing. I had the same bear as a little girl.”

“You did?”

She nodded. “Don’t you remember?”

“Oh yeah.” He took the bear from her hands. “I remember. You named that little bastard after me.”

“I didn’t have a name for him for like, ten years after I had him, and you come along and shame me for it.”

“You should always name your stuffed animals.”

“Yes. And Little Tim was perfect.”

It was. And he remembered being that awkward teenaged kid visiting her house for the first time, to find himself in her room where a bear was sitting on her bed even with her in seventh grade, how she named it after him when he brought it up, and how long he’d stared at the walls of his empty room at the thought of it.

It went on until she’d stuffed it along with the other toys into a cardboard box, sealed it up with the number ‘5’ written on top, and packed it with the other boxes stashed to the side.

It had to take Dick to come in to snap him out of that apparent trance, especially when he did that with his feet making unnecessarily audible noise when he went in from the foyer.

Dick:

Too close. Yet again. Standing close enough for his arm to touch her shoulder. But what was he going to do? Come up to them and shove Tim to the side? Make space for Jesus? Not like they were together. He could do that. And no one will bat an eye.

But he didn’t. As he always had, Dick just went up to the boxes Y/N had packed. “This the last one?”

“That one should be.” She pointed at one of the empty boxes lying on the floor. “You think it’s too much?”

“I don’t think there’s any universe kids would think a lot of toys would be too much.”

She stepped away from Tim, and just like a kid who’d gotten his knee scraped and had to get treatment from the pretty nurse at school, he wanted to jump when Y/N stood closer to him. Okay. Not to him. But the box was closer to where he was standing and she had to reach over to get it. Dick held it out the table and took out one of the toys in the bag.

“A clown?”

“Jesus, what is wrong with you two?”

“I told you it wasn’t a good idea,” Tim said.

“Clowns are adorable when they’re not murderous.”

“Uh, no. They definitely are not. Have you lived in Gotham? No one works as a clown anymore.”

“Exactly why I want to change that. Poor guys have it as a profession you know. They go to training and everything and only to have it stripped away.”

There were bags under her eyes, and her movements were slow. Didn’t sleep again last night, it seems. Or maybe even the nights before that.

“You should rest up before we leave,” Dick said. Her hair fell to her cheek and she didn’t even notice.

“Too late for that. I’ll be alright.”

And as if it didn’t strain her arms the more she had them raised, she forced the plushies down into the last box. Dick reached out, shut the lid off for her as she frantically taped it close before it would have exploded.

“Imagine this biting us in the ass when we open it up later.”

“It’ll be fine,” she sighed. Looks like she doesn’t even care enough to have much more thought. “It has to be.”

“You’re not nervous, aren’t you?”

“I don’t know what you're talking about.”

For a moment he caught Tim’s eyes, watching them closely and listening to every word they said. Dick just ignored that.

“There’s nothing to be nervous about.”

“That makes things better.”

“You’re hostile today.”

“Sorry,” she longingly sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe I am. I don’t even know why.”

“Kids love you. The hospital loves you.”

“I think I’m missing something.”

Her hands draped over the carton and her fingers stuck to the surface. She couldn’t look away from that emptiness, at the number she’d written on top as if it were any interesting.

“You’re doing what no one else has in so long. You couldn’t disappoint even Elliot Memorial with the number of bandages you got.”

He caught the side of her mouth so slightly turning up to her cheek.

“Now enough with that crank. You sound like Eustice Bagge.

“Fuck you, asshole.”

She was laughing now, at a joke that wasn’t even that funny, but with the way she gleamed despite her skin facing away from the sun, her cheeks ample and round, flushed over her lips stretched out in the brightest little grin, and her eyes, squinted almost to a close, it didn’t even hurt when she’d nudged his shoulder at his remark.

The reward was the same, despite him probably being able to do better. And maybe he should have. But he was getting there. Slowly. It took months, but he was trying for that same comfort, to making her laugh so hard the silent walls would forever remember her echoes.

And after he did hear that laugh, that day already seemed so fulfilled.

They grabbed one box each and headed out the foyer, at the last truck waiting for them just outside of the door. Alfred was there, spectating the whole thing.

And, as an internal groan he hadn’t noticed had escaped his lips, silent enough not to draw her attention, his brotherly pain in the ass had his motorcycle draw out this god-awful noise, what no one could only hope to ignore. Jason pulled up to the front door, took out his helmet, and eyed the whole scene around him with that cocky brow raise that made Dick want to punch out of his face.

Jason:

Oh yeah. It was today. Totally forgot about it.

Five am, supposedly a time for him to be at the gym. An hour ago, in fact, but here he was, at the front door ignoring the fact that Dick looked like he wanted to strangle the life out of him from his neck. Maybe he shouldn’t have come, not with them crowding about, not when he wanted nothing to do with any of them. But of course, he forgot.

Whatever. Ignoring them shouldn’t have to be so hard.

Y/N looked exhausted. Her eyes were dark, her hair a mess tied to a ponytail behind her back. And from the looks of it, she was telling Dick off for handling the box too tight. Crabby. Wouldn’t want to get on her nerves when she hadn’t gotten a wink of sleep.

Jason swung his leg off his bike, walked over to his brothers, and took the box off of Y/N’s hands, which was the right decision considering she immediately took to stretching out her back when it was off her hands.

“Thanks.”

“You’re late,” he heard Dick growl. He didn’t even turn to him.

“So I see. You’re leaving right now?”

“It’s a three-hour drive.”

“I knew that.” He didn’t.

“You forgot, didn’t you?”

Tim was eyeing him no differently. He snorted. Tim, he could look at in the eye. Dick, not so much, not when the last time they talked, it was at Y/N’s front door and they were just minutes away from landing a fist down each other’s uvulas. “No…” he scoffed.

“You did.” Dick walked right up to his face, and even then, Jason just shrugged and looked away. It wouldn’t help his case. In fact, it made him look even more guilty than he’d like to admit, but he was close to just kicking his brother at the shins when Dick put his box on top of the one he was already carrying. “Make up for it.”

“I never said I was gonna go with you.”

Dick rolled his eyes. He went over to the truck, placed the boxes inside, and backed away when the driver pulled it close. It was packed full. And there were five other trucks lined up in front of it.

“You’re not going?”

Her voice didn’t sound so rough, as it often did when she had newly awakened. And with a smile he couldn’t help, he walked over to her and leaned into her ear. “Hey, pretty bird.”

Oh, he could just see the hairs at the back of her neck rise when his hot breath fanned over her skin. But it didn’t last so long when he went straight for the door, heading inside the manor.

“Jason-“

“Hmm?”

When he turned, she still looked so exhausted. Her eyes were wide, voice soft just as it usually was when she was confused, and her hair looked pretty facing away from the sun.

“No.”

“Jason.”

“I’m going to the gym.” Just as he should be, if he wanted things to get any better with Bruce, have this illusion that he was somehow still part of this crazy family. He had to show up, or at least start to.

“It’s just for today. Please.”

His cheek was between his teeth and he was chewing on it rather profusely. He wanted to look behind her, at the trucks all packed up and ready to go just to give himself some sort of idea at the lengths she’d taken just to get where she was, but his brothers were out there, and frankly, the looks they were giving them now were counter-productive.

“Y/N, it’s a three-hour drive.”

“We’ll sleep in the car.”

He sighed, eyes over at the ceiling. Her voice had gotten even softer, and he wanted himself beat up for even acknowledging that.

And when he’d seen the look on her face, it was over.

He dropped his gym bag on the floor. “Fine.”

She jumped a little and took his arm on the way down the steps.

“Shotgun.”

“No, I called it first.”

“I wasn’t here.”

“Then you should’ve come earlier,” Dick said. “And I’m driving.”

The mutters out his lips weren’t for anyone’s ears. Dick’s car was all the way over to the back of the trucks, which had started up and were already on their way. She took the front seat.

“Ah, fuck, you don’t expect me to spend three hours cramped up here with Tim.”

“Hey. You’re the big one here,” Tim snorted. “It’s not fun for me either.”

In a car full of morons for the next three hours. Just when the fuck did he start bending to her every whim?

Tim:

Cramped up was something. But being forced to the back seat of a car that should not have had back seats at all, they might as well have slept in a sardine can. By the time he got the door to shut close, his mouth was up to Jason’s shoulder.

“Get off me!”

“I can't fucking-“

“Just move to the side!”

“There isn’t a side to move to!”

Tim forced his ass out almost to the edge of the seat just to make room.

“I should be sitting there, jackass. Y/N doesn’t need much legroom.”

“No, you’re not. I’m sitting here.”

Y/N looked over to the back, smiling at Tim. And at that, he heard Jason snort and finally shut his mouth, one he wanted to shove his fist into. When Jason had settled in and looked out the window, Dick started up the car. “You wusses better be quiet for the next three hours.”

“Oh, shut up. Why don’t you let me drive and see how that’s like, asshole?”

“I’m driving. This is my car.”

“Babs’ SUV would have been a lot better choice.”

“Just shut up,” Tim said, and when he nudged Jason’s shoulder he was bitten back with a slap on his arm.

“Seriously, you guys.”

And everyone piped down the moment it was Y/N who told them to. When they were out on the highway, when they’d gotten out of the city, the outskirts they didn’t so often see, Tim leaned over to the side, at Y/N’s ear just through the space between the car door and her seat.

“Why’d you have to bring them?”

“Hmm?”

“This would have been a lot more fun with just me and you in the car.”

“Oh, come on, it’s not that bad.”

“My ass is killing me. Jason’s taking up all the space.”

“You’ll be fine. Seriously. But if it’s so bad, we can switch.”

And have her sit next to Jason instead? For the whole of three hours, cramped up so they’d be forced to get all cozy? Nada.

“You know what, I’ll be fine.”

“You sure?”

She turned her head over, and her nose accidentally pressed up against her seatbelt. She snorted, backed away with her face all mushed up and sneezed.

He wanted badly to laugh, but he found himself in this ridiculously painful grin when he couldn’t tear himself away from that adorable sight.

Then it all stopped when the car suddenly halted and he was thrown completely off his seat, smashing his face up against the back. That, and with Jason’s laughter so audibly horrific, he tirelessly pulled himself up. “Dick!”

“Sorry!”

He looked up at his brother. He did not look sorry at all. He just smirked, then looked back out at the windshield.

Dick:

It was evil. But that should be the last of it. Not that there was a first. But he heard what Tim said. He deserved it. Not in his life was he going to miss any of this. When Tim had settled back, and Jason finally shut his mouth, an hour into the ride and still Y/N couldn’t pry her eyes away from the window, and it probably wasn’t to look at her reflection, no. She was looking at the grassy fields, at the mountains that peaked in the lightest grey over at the horizon.

“You can sleep, you know,” he said, and he pretended he was watching the road when he’d probably spent the last five minutes endangering the lives of everyone in his car. But they were alive.

“I want to,” she yawned. “But it’s not every day I get to see a view like this.”

Really. She doesn’t. The last time was most probably that day, when he took her out to the country for a ride up a hill so she could paint, where they kissed despite the force of the winds, the cold, and the darkness, the noise he couldn’t hear, and that beautiful view that became no more than just noise when he had her in his arms, even for just that minute.

And, just like that last time, he went on to steal a couple of glances, the most he could without having to look away from the road for too long. Because right then, with her skin still so soft despite the dry air and the breeze, she laid her head up against the car window. He caught her smiling when she saw a few cows wagging their tails in circles.

Dick lowered the car window, just enough for her to put her head out, and the joyous grin on her face and the silent laughter that came with her back suddenly shooting up, hair tie blown out by the wind. Right then, he wished he let Jason drive, so he could spend so many of his minutes just staring at this view.

Jason:

An hour in, and she’d fallen asleep. That was a lot longer than Jason would have thought, with how exhausted she looked he thought she’d pass out the moment her head hit the back of the chair. But it took an hour of looking out into the country before she eventually gave in and gave herself that much-needed rest.

She was sleeping, and Jason wasn’t, even when she told him to. Because for perhaps even the next hour, he had his head up against the glass, and his eyes were on her, watching her face, watching how peaceful she looked, at her chest that rose and fell and her nose that flared up every so often when she was too deep into her sleep.

“Jason, could you at least move your fuck-“

Immediately, he placed his finger to his lips, then he pointed at Y/N. Tim kept his mouth shut. Thank fuck.

“She’s been up all night planning everything,” Dick whispered. “Don’t wake her up.”

“I wasn’t trying to.”

“Just be quiet,” Jason said.

For two hours, they were silent. Not a bicker. Not a snort.

He angled his head just enough to watch her, see that softness on her cheeks, the ones he found himself spending hours upon hours every night that beautiful month they spent together, one that wasn’t supposed to mean much more than a fling but sorted into so many nights when he’d just stay in bed, keep himself up, and only would he realize what exactly he was doing when he’d unconsciously brush a strand of her hair behind her back, let his fingers linger onto the skin of her shoulder.

And when he had realized what he’d done, he’d turn over to the other side of the bed, force his eyes shut and pretend that didn’t just happen.

And he did the same thing right then. Look away. As much as it pained him. He turned over to the window and watched the fucking cows moo, when his brothers could so easily catch him in this sorry act. For two hours, he held back, all the way until they reached the hospital.

Tim:

He wanted to take a picture when he stepped out of the car, went over to her side, and knocked on the glass where her face was pressed up against. She blinked a few times, looked around. Tim waved at her and she sneered playfully when she stretched out her arms and stepped out of the car.

“Y/N. Not that you look horrible, but you should fix your hair.”

“Shut up.”

“I have coffee with me-“

The glare she gave him sent him trembling down his damn ankles. Tim gulped.

“I mean. They should have coffee here. In the waiting room.”

“How many cups?”

“Y/N.”

“Answer the question, Tim.”

The trucks started arriving. They’d gotten here first. Five of them lined up in the parking lot, and the moment they did, nurses started walking out the front door. It was smaller than he thought, the hospital. And he knew exactly what to expect. One from a small town that didn’t get much funding or equipment to even use. It was saddening.

“Just one, I swear.”

“You swear?”

“I swear.”

Tim pinched her cheek and she slapped his wrist. “You better.”

“I promise.”

They stuffed their hands into their pockets. Already, it was a chilly October. But that shouldn’t have been reason enough to have both Dick and Jason walk up to her side and stand next to them, watching the guys unload the trucks.

But he didn’t give so much care to that, not when he looked over to her side and could just feel her nerves buzzing, having to hold back either a smile or a terrified scream. She’d been waiting for this for too long, and the nights they spent planning, crossing out checklists and figuring out what to get, it had finally come to this day. This was her doing. All of it. And she should be proud.

He couldn’t help it. It wasn’t supposed to be about him. This day wasn’t supposed to be about any of them. So he could hold off the bickering, the sneering at either of his brothers, just for today. For her. It’s what she’d want.

And he couldn’t help it. He just had to.

He reached over to the pocket Y/N had her hand stuffed into and held it from inside. He didn’t take it out. It was big enough for both their hands and all the more was it warm, cozy, homely, when he started brushing his thumb against the back of it, the way he knew would calm her down at the worst times, no matter what it was they were up against.

When she’d turned to him, he thought she wanted to pull away, but the relief he got when she didn’t was more reward than any life he’d saved. Exaggerating as it could be.

Dick:

They held hands the whole time they strut up the hospital’s steps, as if it were that cold, as if it were at all necessary. Dick wanted to just step on the damned brake and tear their hands away, but they weren’t at the car anymore. They were standing, right in front of his fucking face, walking into the hospital doors hand in hand and not at all were they in a hurry. As if they had all the time to be lounging around. As if they were still together when they clearly weren’t. And there was nothing he could do about it.

But Dick couldn’t, didn’t, do so much as remark. And it shouldn’t have to bother him, not when it wasn’t anything he had to go through before. Seeing them hold hands. Hell, he’s seen them kiss even in times when they shouldn’t. He was used to this kind of torture. Years of it makes your skin all thick.

But what kind of demon did Tim have to sell his soul to, to be this close as friends, whatever the hell “just friends” meant to either of them, to be holding her hand and kissing her cheek and fucking sleeping next to her in bed as if they weren’t at all lovers for two years of their lives.

He shouldn’t be thinking about any of this at all when they were clearly in the middle of a charity operation.

But what kind of goat did Tim have to sacrifice to be in such good terms with her, to not have all have to be strained by the worst, thinning tension that hadn’t gone away since that day at the hillside, and have it all so soon after they broke up? When he had to spend so many months just to get where they were today, repairing what he’d so regrettably broken, and still not have the kind of closeness he could only hope to have with her?

Why couldn’t he be Tim?

Jason:

Snorting was one thing. But at that point, he just wanted to laugh his hair out. The fucking look on Grayson’s face. Priceless. Jason could have sworn his jaw would have popped right out of his head with the way he was gritting his teeth, watching Tim and Y/N hold hands up to the reception. And even then, he wouldn’t let go, not when Y/N had things to do.

He wanted so badly to pull out his phone and capture this beautiful moment. Not of Y/N having her hair fixed and smiling at the nurses. At fucking Dick Grayson mulling over Tim holding the hand of the girl he so desperately couldn’t have.

Of Tim keeping his hands on her despite it being a little over ten minutes since they’ve stepped into the building.

Of Tim whispering into her ear and the smile that followed right after.

Of Tim still rubbing the back of her palms as if it were even that cold.

Of Tim letting go of her hand, only to put his entire arm right around her fucking shou-

If a patient was walking around, and he hoped there was, he’d grab their fucking IV line and choke himself with it. His teeth were gritting. His fucking teeth were close to shattering.

Dick caught his eye with his eyebrow raised. Twenty seconds ago, Jason would have laughed at his face. Now, he was as silent as he was.

A line of doctors and nurses, all coming together at the reception and every one of them wanted to shake her hand. Not a camera in sight, not a single paparazzi to have to deal with. It was just them, the health workers, and the guys Y/N hired to unload the trucks. Not a lot of nurses though, with the mounds of supplies they had to bring to them and the patients he thought they’d be given to. And as exhausted as they looked, the sight of Y/N was like the first sighting of the sun after a yearlong solar eclipse.

Tim:

“Everything they need for hydrotherapy. Bandages. Tubs. Gloves. Everything on the list you sent us. It’s all there. I even got sanitizers,” Y/N said, and she handed over a checklist to the doctor. “Here’s the inventory for everything. But if you need anything more, we still have a few thousand for an allowance.”

Medical equipment. That was only half of the things she’d gotten the whole hospital. He couldn’t even keep his arm around her so tight when a nurse had come to steal her away, crying into her shoulder. She was an older woman, probably the head nurse, and she looked just as tired as the rest of them. And the way Y/N held her back, not letting the moment seep out her tears and instead let her smile brighten up the room just as it would to any room. Tim watched her. He watched her hug all the nurses so emotionally they couldn’t help but pull her in. At the doctors that were supposedly so tough, yet not tough enough to stop themselves from shaking her hand for the third time since they arrived. Not a single cent was to be paid, by either the patient or the hospital, for all the equipment she’d gotten them.

“The children wouldn’t be able to thank you enough.”

“Oh, they won't thank me for buying them syringes, trust me,” she laughed.

“They will. Oh, an angel you are.”

“Miss Y/N,” the doctor called to her. “The nursery will be ready for your first visit.”

“I can't wait.”

The look on her face was enough to humble the proudest achievers. And when she’d freed herself from other people’s arms, he held her hand again.

Dick:

This was her moment. Not his. Not fucking Tim or Jason’s. This was hers, the children’s, the hospital. It wasn’t the time for theatrics.

A few nights ago, she’d told him one of the reasons why she picked this hospital, and it wasn’t just because of the kids and the fire that happened in one of the schools not far from here. One of those times when he just really wanted to talk, to have those times back, and she ended up opening up to him, crying at that.

He remembered every word she said and remembered just how much more this day meant to her more than anything anyone else would have thought.

Dick saw one of the boxes arrive at the reception, the ones with the toys in them. And with Y/N busy talking, he went over to the box, pulled out his key, and tore out the tape. A pink unicorn was right at the top. Perfect.

“Y/N.”

The doctors had left, and they were meant to just wait around at the waiting room for the next hour until the nursery finishes up. “Yeah?”

Dick held up the unicorn up to his face, smiling, watching her smile back.

“You wanna go visit Sophie?”

The way she just lit up, at the same time crouch down with the nerves surging up her spine. Y/N took the unicorn from his hands.

“Should we?”

“I know you want to. And I think you should. She’d be delighted to see you again.”

Her fingers were busy with the unicorn’s ears, and the way she longingly stared at the pink fur, letting it touch the tips of her fingertips, the moment he saw her nod, he went straight to the reception to ask for Sophie’s room number.

Just a floor up.

Just the two of them, they went down the frightening white walls, past the rooms that wouldn’t let the beeping noises be so confined behind their shut doors and even more nurses frantically walking about. Up the steps, down to the left, to the hall with the big sign plastered onto the archway.

Pediatric Burn Unit.

Sophie Palvin’s name was written on the paper stuck to the plaque near one of the doors. It was unlocked, and when they stepped inside, it was just her adoptive grandfather there, sleeping on the couch.

He saw Y/N hold the unicorn even tighter beneath her fingers, and with a hand on her back, Dick led her to the bed’s side, to the empty chair beside it, but she didn’t sit. She just stood at the foot of the bed, holding onto her shirt just over her chest.

“Hey,” Dick said. “It’s okay.”

“God, she’s…” she caught her breath. “She doesn’t even look any better.”

It wasn’t something they can ignore, not when it was all over the poor girl’s face. Two years, it had been. And the complications just seemed to get even worse. Eight years old, and already she couldn’t have much of a life she should have had.

Dick reached over, held her hand. He wasn’t Tim. But she needed it. It wasn’t about Tim. It was her. And when she held it back without even thought, the first time in so many months, he didn’t even let it get to him. She needed it. Badly.

“She’s still asleep,” she breathed. “Can I go get some water?”

“I’ll get it for you.”

“No, Dick. I’ll get it.”

She needed to get it, to step away from this horribly depressing room and pull herself together before she wakes up. He got all that just from seeing the look on her face and how much he wanted to pull it against his chest.

“Okay.”

“You stay right here.”

She handed him the unicorn and went out of the room.

Jason:

“Jason?”

At the call of his name, the first thing his eyes darted off to was the clock up on the wall. Jason had been standing with his arm over the waiting room’s water cooler for five minutes now. He hadn’t moved or even realized that any of his brothers weren’t anywhere around him. And it took even longer to turn around, see that Y/N was right behind him, her face widened and startled at his reaction before he finally snapped back into place.

“S-sorry,” he coughed. “Where is everybody?”

“We just, uhm,” her thumb pointed behind her. “We went to visit someone.”

“Sophie?”

“Yeah. How’d you know?”

“I knew where she got adopted. I just figured.”

“Ah,” she held her own hands and kept her attention to her fingers. “Could you, uh, scooch over?”

He still hadn’t moved away from the cooler.

“Sorry. You need water?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll get it for you.”

She thanked him, and when he handed her the plastic cup, she could feel her hands shaking. He thought not to bring it up, not when his own hands were shaking as well.

“You alright?” she asked.

“Yeah. You?”

“I guess.” She brought the cup up to her lips.

“Hospitals don’t do well for me.” His lips were stuttering and he didn’t even notice how he was blabbering at that point. “I haven’t exactly been to a birth or anything so when I come here it’s mostly bad news.”

“Oh,” she licked her lips. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” They sat on one of the benches and she went on with her cup as if it wasn’t already empty.

“It’s okay to be nervous.”

Her eyes were on the cup’s brim. “I know. I shouldn’t be. I just hope this is all enough.”

“It’s more than enough.”

So close. Jason was so close to just suddenly reaching for her hand. Thankfully, he didn’t.

“I know what it’s like to wake up in a place like this. And suddenly your life isn’t your life anymore,” she said. “It sticks to you, doesn’t it?”

Of course, it does. When he woke up in a hospital bed, what used to be rotting flesh suddenly flushed hot red, blood boiling like he was stored in a pot, and his eyes painfully pried open from being closed for so long. Three months treating the broken bones and wounds, and the doctors never believed how he could have possibly lived through any of that. He didn’t.

“Yeah.”

“We’d know.” She chortled. “That’s why I want this all to be enough. Kids shouldn’t have to go through that kind of trauma. And when they have to, at least it’ll be a bit better.”

Saying something wouldn’t be ideal. Anything at all. He should be none but ashamed.

And how ashamed he should be, to not do what she was doing, to think that what he did to deal with the thoughts was to… do what he does. It was his way to help. Or what he thought would help.

For not using his trauma to help the way she used hers. The most admiring way one could. It wasn’t his way, one that no one should look up to. Her way was something to make her the kind of woman any kid would look up to and someday hope to be.

“I’ll stay here,” Jason said. “I’ll call you when the nursery’s ready.”

Tim:

To not just suddenly run and pull her to his chest was something far too difficult to do, with every bit of the winds and breezes rushing about in the air around him so greatly pushed him the moment he saw her slowly making her way down the hall. She only got out to get water, it seems, but her lips were pale, hair still a mess, and her neck popping with veins with the way she was gritting her teeth. As she looked up, caught Tim’s eyes, everything around in the hospital seemed colder.

She reached the door. “Hey.”

“She’s awake.”

He could see her limbs stiffen, her lips hidden beneath the safety of her teeth, and when she let her eyes rest on the blankness of the doorknob.

She wouldn’t be able to turn that knob on her own, but she’ll have to. If it were him, Y/N will have to go in unprepared.

“Come.”

It surprised him, however, when she grabbed him by the wrist. He stopped any sort of resistance there was, even the rubber on his soles when he let himself be dragged over to the corner away from prying eyes. Y/N wasn’t crying, no. But she was scared.

Tim took to holding her shoulders, just to give her that little bit of warmth.

“I told myself I can take this,” she said. “I didn’t even know I’d be nervous.”

“And it’s okay that you feel that way…”

“I know it is.”

Her hands were stuck to her sides. She didn’t want to hold him. She wanted to be held.

“Sophie loves you.”

“I haven’t seen her in a year. I should have visited more often.”

“You wouldn’t have known she’d be back here.”

“I should have. Things were never any good for her. It’s a miracle she’s alive at all.”

His glance fell on a passing nurse, who looked at her, then at Tim, before she turned back to her clipboard and stepped into one of the rooms. The ambiance wasn’t of any help. The white. The chill. That horrible smell that just wouldn’t go away.

His hands fell from her shoulder to her hands, held them so tight he could feel her fingers grow numb.

“If her brother were alive, she’d be a lot better.”

“Y/N, just look at what you lost trying to save that boy.”

She didn’t want to look. And he probably shouldn’t have said that. But what was he going to let her do? Lose herself to that innate instinct of hers to save as much of the innocent, the children, to the point where she had to lose her damned leg?

Her eyes were no longer on him. Instead, they were on the blank floor, and the jealousy that stemmed from that urged him to grab her cheek and turn her to him.

“I just think it’s unfair… that I’m okay and she’s not.”

“She’ll be okay. She’s always been strong. Stronger than any of us.”

“She has…”

Sophie’s door opened. Dick peered out, saw them, then nodded for them to come in. The girl was looking for them. For her.

Dick:

The child’s eyes lit up, just how anyone’s eyes would, when she stepped into the now brightly lit room.

And anyone sane enough to have any sense at all would falter and tear up at the sight of her smile, the way she looked so dearly at the child, Sophie, who never would be able to look into the mirror, look past the scars and the burn marks and think of herself as a beautiful girl, even when she was, in fact, the most beautiful sight there was.

Sophie didn’t seem to know she was sick at all. She shot up from her bed, hands up and raised and Y/N wasted no time to have the girl snug in her arms, carrying her so close and having her face buried into Sophie’s hair.

Everything about it was so warm, so homely, something Dick would have thought had come out of the sights of heaven, or even the charity commercials to make you tear up. Nothing had ever been so enthralling than the sound of the little girl’s laughter and Y/N’s awful jokes that at that time sounded like the funniest shit he’s ever heard. She didn’t put the girl down, not once she was in her arms.

Much like the bright sun untainted by the mess of clouds, of the sky grim and dark or rainfall that had grown jealous of its reign. She was the sun. Not a sight could possibly be warmer, softer, and he wondered what changed in this world to look to others when this was the only thing they’d ever have to turn to and have that bit of hope everyone needed.

Jason came in. It was ready. Sophie couldn’t leave Y/N’s arms when they made their way out of the burn unit to the section right beside it. The one so newly built, and the star for today’s charities. Y/N’s greatest work, far more admirable than any painting, as unbelievable as it may seem.

The nursery was not opulent, overly impressive, or over the top in any way at all. In fact, it was small. But it was just the right size. And it wasn’t just for toddlers, but for any child even at Sophie’s age to enjoy, to give them that one glimpse of color in the otherwise chilling white of the hospital they’d never be able to escape to. Now, this was their escape. The money she raised from the auction had been traded in for toys, tables, chairs, puzzle mats, tablets, a castle fort, even more toys, and a large TV right at the center.

Thomas Palvin Memorial Nursery, it read on the plaque outside the door.

The boy she couldn’t save that dreadful day, the same day everything about her changed. Sophie’s brother.

Sophie whispered something into Y/N’s ear, and her eyes were on Dick. He looked at the child, then at Y/N.

She walked over to him with the child in her arms.

“Looks like someone has a crush on you.”

The best instance of flattery there could be. Dick smiled and he instinctively turned to the ground, but the handsome man already reached out for the girl and took her in his own arms.

And the way Y/N watched him, so lovingly and serene, he wished she never had to look away.

Jason:

Was this what the Grinch felt like, when his heart grew three sizes that day?

It was annoyingly heartwarming, the scene that took anyone’s breaths when they stepped into this little cocoon of fun and laughter and color to distract them from whenever the world couldn’t afford to hand out niceties, even for the children. So they wouldn’t have to be so haunted with the pain like she was, like Jason was.

She never was the best fighter. Never the best gymnast. Never the best at being Falcon and often had to function at Tim’s side just to have her own little contribution to the team.

But she did want to help, save lives, make the dreadful world a bit more of a bearable place. Y/N didn’t want to understand that this wasn’t the only way to help, at least at first. And it had to cost her a limb.

Now, she did understand that.

And she’s helped so much more, for the people who deserved help the most, than they ever could.

The kids were calm at first, but not even the nurse could stop them from running to whatever toy they could grab onto when they ran into the room. Screams of laughter, from children who haven’t laughed in so long, everything was just too beautiful to witness. And Jason never did look to things and immediately see the beauty that was always there.

And boy, did he know that fact, when his attention left the mounds of children that almost toppled him off his feet, and locked onto the smiling girl giving each of them a hug.

And he hadn’t looked away. If it were anything like in the car, he’d have watched her for another two hours.

Y/N took one of the chairs for the kids so she was standing at their level. The seat right beside her was empty. And it won't be if he doesn’t hurry.

Chest warm from something within him that wouldn’t stop beating around, Jason wanted so much to just walk right to that chair, sit next to her, be close enough to see that smile shine brighter and her hair’s scent that always threw him off the rails, but he couldn’t. Three children had already beat him to it, and right at that moment he stopped and remembered he was insane to have thought of it at all. They weren’t close. Not for the last several years. Not even now. Not like she was with Tim or even Dick. Just suddenly taking the seat next to her was far too out of the loop, especially for him.

But he can watch. So what if he gets caught?

Tim:

Dick was all the way over to the other table, teaching Sophie how to finger paint. Sophie, who had Y/N as her only companion recovering in the burn unit back in Gotham. Y/N, who sought at nothing to find that old man sitting fresh from his nap beside her hospital bed just to get her adopted, after the orphanage had burned down and her brother, her only family, gone beyond the then six-year-old’s understanding.

She never truly got over Sophie, even after two years. Now, it won't just be her. Every child flocked around her right then will remember Y/N.

Watching her from a distance, even when he was so used to watching her so closely, there was definitely something so magical seeing her from the eyes of others, when she stood far enough to see just how tiny that glint in her eyes could be yet still be seen despite it being so dark, how her smile changed the whole of her face from something admirable to one so breathtaking. No wonder his brothers who’d only had to see her from so far couldn’t help but get lost in the labyrinth that was her.

And he was, without a doubt, the luckiest to have been the one to see her up close so often, even after such history. He was the one who got to stay close and never be whisked away no matter how much had changed. Nothing could change when it came to her.

He can never take that for granted. Not anymore. Not like he did.

Dick:

The kids all turned to one of the walls, one that had been filled to the corners with paint, paint that could have only come from the hands of Y/N. Dick knew her technique well enough to recognize it amongst hundreds of other artists.

It was a scene of a beautiful lake, one that was far away from the confines of the hospital, and a small boy leaning over to fish from the water. To let them know that there is, in fact, a world out there and that being in the hospital doesn’t mean they’ll have to miss out on any of it.

Y/N never had to be a vigilante to help. That wasn’t meant to be who she was.

It was her paintings, her story, her heart.

It was all she ever had to do, and what difference had she made already, at such a young age.

“Your brother looks beautiful up in that wall, don’t you think?” Dick leaned over to Sophie beside him, whose missing teeth was the most heartfelt smile he’s ever seen.

“He does.”

He pretended to be so focused on what Sophie had to paint, but really, all anyone could ever look at was Y/N, who was now standing in the middle of the room playing some parlor game with the children who couldn’t get enough of her, and Dick couldn’t blame them.

Jason:

Of course, out of all the kids swarming around the room without much care at all of the fact that they were sickly or weak, it was that one child at the far corner that caught his attention. One with a dark hoodie over his head and a face no one could quite see.

Jason was standing right next to the table, arms guarding his chest, and he took that as a distraction just to steer his attention away from Y/N and the kids.

The boy looked up at him as well, then down, probably intimidated at his large size. Jason wasn’t exactly one so easily approached, so he took the chair right beside him and looked over at the book he had his face buried into.

Half his face, now he could see, was burned off. It covered the whole of his left eye, and it seemed his hoodie covered the part of his head that had burnt off as well. The kid couldn’t have been any older than nine. He wasn’t thin. In fact, he was quite chubby. And the look he had on his face, with a permanent frown that just wouldn’t go away, Jason wanted to snicker at how this must have been what he looked like at that age. Angry and cynical.

“What are you reading?”

He was shy, and all he gave Jason was a shrug of his shoulder. Probably thought it was a stupid question, since Jason could very clearly see what he was reading. Some science book, it seems. If it were a classic, they’d actually have something to talk about.

But Jason just thought to stay there, be with the kid that so obviously didn’t want to be with anybody else. He didn’t send him away, nor did he show any discomforting signs that would have otherwise driven him away, so just sat there.

Y/N was singing with the kids now. Her voice was horrible. She couldn’t carry a tune to save her loved ones. It made him laugh.

“I’m too old to be in here.”

Jason snorted. Maybe the kid was ten.

“You’re going to love this place, I promise you. Y/N over there made sure of it.”

The boy looked up from his book then joined Jason in watching you.

“She your girlfriend?”

Was this kid eleven?

“She… She’s not… I mean she was… kinda… Not…” he scoffed. “It’s complicated, kid.”

“Is it?”

Yeah. This kid was twelve years old. That, or he was just as good at paying attention to detail as Jason was. Impressive.

His girlfriend. Could he imagine? Never has he called anyone that, or even settled on whatever label there was with anyone he’d had some sort of engagement with. That was all it ever had been. Engagements. Flings. Happenings.

Girlfriend.

Calling someone that would be something.

Something great, now that he thought of it.

Inevitably, without even his notice, he had his eyes on her cheekbones that looked like it hurt from how much she smiled, and when Y/N picked up the smallest child in the pack, he knew it was done for.

It was all over.

He had fallen in.

“Is she your girlfriend or what?”

It was just a kid of twelve, and Jason might never see him again anyway.

He’ll enjoy himself with this, have this kind of happiness he never even sought out until now. Even if it weren’t true, he wanted it to be.

Jason smiled.

“Yeah…”

Tim:

The smallest child, a young boy who looked at her with so much wonder and hope. It had only been an hour since the room opened, and already the once drowned spirits had been so heavily lifted, only by the strength of one woman. She always did love children, always took the chance to save every one she came across and even with themselves so young, when they were children as well, she said to have loved them so much she was determined to have a dozen.

He opposed, of course. Tim would have a couple tops. A couple wasn’t enough for her, apparently, and it became one of the most stupid arguments they had that he often liked to look back to when he needed those pleasant memories to stay afoot. She wouldn’t want a dozen anymore, of course.

But if she wished that now, to him, he’d say yes.

If this was what it meant, if this was the beautiful sight he’d wake up to everyday and see, Y/N carrying a beautiful child and a smile nothing else would have ever emulated, a dozen children it is. She’s never looked so happy in so long, not after years of what she had to go through.

A life with her, with this kind of happiness, and a family to look forward to.

And it’ll have to be nothing more than a dream. Not after what he’d done. Not after forgetting just how much of a treasure he once had that he so easily let go of.

It had haunted him for years, and it will haunt him forever, that he ever left her so hurting when he could have stayed, and he could have given her the family she always wanted. Maybe even by now.

Dick:

It was stupid of him to have ever thought of being with another, to have ever thought that the kind of contentment and warmth Y/N could give him could ever be present in another’s arms. He never, ever, should have thought that it would have been okay if it didn’t go the way he always dreamed of. That all this, this sight before him, one he promises to never forget, could ever happen again in the room where Y/N wasn’t around at all. Because it was impossible. This could never happen if it weren’t Y/N. It wasn’t because of the sun so kind of the air so cool. It was her and her smile, her laughter, her horrible singing and her awful jokes. The kids and their screams, their arms up and about, asking to be carried by her and only her.

This wasn’t something he could ever just forget. This was sight no camera could remember.

But he didn’t even trust his mind enough to know that. It was good to have a backup, something to look back to outside of what stuck to his head.

Dick pulled out his phone and snapped one, two, ten pictures of her. In every single one of them, she looked beautiful.

Jason:

He shouldn’t at all be staring this much. It wasn’t healthy. It was stupid. It was delusional. It was the amount of staring the kind of morons his brothers would do that he so often laughed at. But whatever the hell was that kind of force that he just couldn’t fight against, it was a lot stronger than him, than he ever could be. No brute force or taunt could go up against Y/N.

And already, that lie that Y/N was ever even his, even at just one point of his life, blatantly admitting to her being his girlfriend even if it were a mile away from being true, it got to him like a fucking reptile’s hold in the edge of a swamp. He was shaking. Was he shaking? He didn’t even know anymore. He just wanted this to be over with.

No, he didn’t want this to be over with.

How often does he even get to see her this pretty? Was she always this pretty?

Today. Just for today.

He’ll let himself take his look. Just for today.

Tim:

It was funny at this point, at the realization that one wouldn’t notice her at the first look.

Y/N had to be his best friend for years and it took him far too long to fall in, to realize her beauty.

She wasn’t the sort that would turn the heads of so many around her, one that would reel in a modelling deal just from a stroll down the street or even a face in a pile of hundreds that you’d so easily pick out. She wasn’t one to stun or amaze or leave you frozen in awe at first glance.

She was the kind of girl Tim would see at a coffee shop, reading a book as she settles herself in next to the glass of the window, of either rain or snowfall cooling her skin, a girl that he’d glance at once and think nothing of, only to take the second look when she leaves. And he’d see her everyday for so long as he visited that same coffee shop, and by the end of those days, without so much as a word out of her, he’d think, shit, he’s in love.

Dick:

She was miles away from the likes of who he used to date. And, ironically, she was the only one he actually stuck to and never forgot. One he’d thought of endlessly when not at all was he exaggeratingly thrown off his feet or got his breath stolen or even hit in the head with a metaphorical bat. At least, not at first. Not until you’ve been staring at her for so long.

She wasn’t the girl he’d meet in any case out of the ordinary.

She was the girl he would’ve been lifelong friends with since the day they were born, one he’d be so grossed out and disgusted with at the thought of her as pretty or anything more than a friend, the kind he once used to run away from because of cooties and suddenly, they decide to go to prom together and he sees her descend from the up the stairs of her childhood home he’s also grown up in, and only then, as he looks at her for the first time, he’d realize she was the most beautiful girl he’s ever laid eyes on.

Even if Dick wasn’t that lifelong friend, even if he wasn’t her best friend, he just knew that was what it felt like.

Jason:

He didn’t even of her that way, even after she broke up with Tim. Not once. Not for a long time.

But that might be what it tends to be, with the girl she is and how anyone could think when they meet her.

He might think of her as someone he’d see reaching for a book in the section of the library he frequents, a girl he’s never seen before. And he’d ignore her for a while until she’d be the one to converse about the book he’d picked out, and they’d talk about it for a few minutes, him wanting to get out of it as soon as he started talking. And he’d be relieved to be out of that forced socialization until she inevitably leaves the building, with him on his seat until the library closes and she never comes back.

And even then, when he comes home alone in the apartment, would he think nothing much about it but never forget to recall that one time a girl talked to him in the library, as uninteresting as it may be.

Then, a week, two weeks later, he still hasn’t forgotten about it.

A month into that, and he comes back to the library subconsciously trying to look for her, only to fail at her absence. Only then would he wish he’d have asked for her number when he had the chance.

Tim:

Her smile was too bright, and her hair was falling to her face and it had to take one of the kids to reach up and brush it away from her cheek. He wanted to do that himself.

Dick:

Her arms must have been hurting by now, with the kids fighting over who gets to be carried around. It wasn’t so obvious, however, with the sun so perfectly hitting her face and her hair and everything about her.

Jason:

She looked so perfect. So happy. So genuine. Everything about her was real. That had always been her appeal. She was real. She was here. And she was beautiful.

Tim:

Her voice never sounded so sweet.

Dick:

Her hair was in this perfect mess no one would otherwise fix.

Jason:

Her eyes could only ever see the light, even after seeing so much darkness.

Tim:

The kids started painting her face. She just let them. Her smile wasn’t something anyone could easily forget.

Dick:

The colors on her cheeks, as silly as they looked, could make even the cynical, diabolical villain turn just an inch closer to the light.

Jason:

He choked when Y/N turned over at him and smiled.

He loved her.

Of course, he loved her.

Tim:

He never did stop loving her. Not after they broke up. Not for a second. Not even when he thought he did.

Dick:

He couldn’t stop loving her if he tried. And he tried. Really hard. He didn’t want to fall in love but here he was. In love.

Jason:

Eventually, the hours passed, as they inevitably do. And the sighs and cries of the children in a swarm were no different from his, who never would have thought he wanted more out of this day than he even thought.

Tim:

Y/N never missed even one kid in the room, giving all of them a hug and some a kiss. These kids who haven’t laughed so much in so long, all couldn’t leave without the widest grins on their beautiful faces.

Dick:

When she said goodbye, and the sun settled below the ground, even the nurses wanted to weep. Hell, he wanted to weep. It was a wonderful day. And every step she graced, no one will be able to forget.

Jason:

It was a painstakingly delightful day, one he thought he’d dread, and ended up not dreading at all. Not even when he thought he’d so badly want to go home; he didn’t even think about the late hours and how they’ll have to leave before the sun sets if they wanted a safer drive. That didn’t do so much as cross his mind, and to that, he needed a smoke.

The day was over. And his promises he’ll have to comply. All the happiness and singing and the staring will have to stop, even that confession to himself won't be something he hoped would last.

But promises prove to be empty when the moment he’d settled on staying strong, immediately he gave in when from the corner outside the hospital building, just a few feet away from the entrance where he opted to stand alone, Y/N came along and peaked over with her arms pressed up against her body to shield herself from the chill.

It wasn’t that cold. He was fine. Whatever fine was, when he immediately took to throwing the cigarette butt onto the ground and stepping on it with his heel.

“It’s fine-“

“Too late,” he coughed. “You tired?”

“Very.”

She had her face washed out with whatever soap they had in their bathrooms, scrubbed off to rid itself from the paint she let the children splatter all over her hair. A bit of green was still stuck to her roots. It took so much of his urges to stop himself from picking it off.

It was dark, silent, and so peaceful.

And maybe she saw that same kind of peace in him that he saw in her, when he laid back against the cement fence he was standing against, not close enough to touch his clothes but enough for him to bask into her heat.

It would be wrong not to be so hopeful. She did want to choose him, at one point, and he was stupid enough to turn her down.

But Jason knew he didn’t have her heart to its fullness the way she had his.

And, to be honest to himself and everyone who spectates, he was far too late into this little fiasco of theirs, when already she had Dick and Tim long before he even came into the picture. If he were to insert himself into this narrative, it was far, far too late.

He loved her too late.

Perhaps, there could be a chance he wasn’t.

And maybe it wasn’t his choice to make.

It was always hers.

“Thank you for coming along,” she said, and the winds blew a bit of her hair and he could feel it tickle his shoulder, even with his clothes on. “I’m glad I convinced you.”

Jason was wrong.

This was the moment of today he didn’t want to forget.

Just her. Alone with him. Under the calming night sky where the stars littered about where it wouldn’t reach the city. It wasn’t so often he got to have that.

“I am, too.”

It lasted a lot longer than he thought, and a lot sooner than he’d hoped. He only had so much time with her.

But it was all the more fulfilling, even when it was far from enough.

Dick:

His brothers were asleep over at the back. Everyone was exhausted.

Her especially.

But that didn’t stop her from never missing a second of watching the views of the countryside, this time at night, flashing about like fast moving pictures before her behind the glass. She was tired, he could see, but she wouldn’t let herself fall asleep.

He’ll take her out again. Soon enough.

It wasn’t so easy to mend their relationship after the damage he’d done, not like Tim, but it was even more rewarding each time he made her laugh, or even just witness that glint in her eye when she sees the stars or the mountains or the wonders of the world she doesn’t so often see.

“Hey,” he coughed. “Talk to me. I’m close to passing out here.”

“Don’t you dare.”

She stopped looking out the window and looked to the windshield onwards. He had so much to say, so much to pour out. There might never be anything at all to explain what he wanted to tell her, thank her, first of all, for how well things have been going.

Thank her, most of all, for being the most wonderful human being she was.

“You really are amazing,” he started. It was a first. “What you're doing… I don’t think even Bruce has done anything like it.”

He heard her snort. “Bruce has donated millions to-“

“He doesn’t actually visit the sites, or visit the children, or the victims, or even talk to these people. He just hands them a check. You. You’re something else. You show up and actually become the beacon of hope for these kids. It’s what they really need.”

All it made her do was laugh. “I’m not that-“

“I haven’t seen anything like that since Diana.”

“Are you actually comparing me to fucking Wonder Woman?”

Her disbelief, it wasn’t at all from humility. Because she was right. She wasn’t Wonder Woman.

“No,” Dick said. “Diana Spencer.”

Princess of Wales. The People’s Princess.

The woman who wouldn’t let a child go on without having them in her arms, especially when she knew they needed it.

Y/N didn’t want to get into that, but if she’d asked him, he would have told her why he thought that way.

Y/N was too real. Someone you’d look at and actually believe was in front of you, someone so believable yet still so beautiful.

“Thank you.”

It was dangerous to look away from the road, but he couldn’t help it. Dick glanced over at her just to catch the way she was smiling at her right then.

“Dick…” she sighed.

“Hmm?”

“My leg’s pretty tired now…”

Oh. Of course. She’d been walking all day. She’s not supposed to be up all day.

“Do you mind if I-“

“Please. Not at all.”

“Thanks.”

It wasn’t at all weird, even with it being a first for him.

But had he really succeeded then? To fix what he’d so horribly broken? Did the strain come to relax? And had all else been forgiven?

Y/N took off her prosthetic and sighed, let her back rest onto the seat and she closed her eyes.

Then, as if the words hadn’t already choked him into silence, she reached over and held his hand.

Dick held it tight, even with her asleep, and never for a second did he let it go.

Tim:

He’d been awake for a while, but it was only until they reached her apartment when she sat up from lying on her seat, which she hadn’t even reclined, otherwise he would have choked to death with the limiting space he already had.

Which pushed him further to insist he go walk her to her door. It wasn’t too far off, but they had to cross the street. Tim and Y/N stepped out the door and she waved goodbye to his two brothers from outside the window.

Today wasn’t one he’d ever forget, not even if he’d try. To remember her face, the children, the cries of laughter at each time she spoke, he should have taken more pictures. What he had, or rather, what he saw Dick had taken that he’d ask for when they go home, surely wouldn’t be enough. It was well into the night, late and a bit chilly in the midst of October. Y/N looked tired, though there was that smidge of contentment that glowed at each pull of a smile, especially when they stood under the lamppost just outside her apartment door.

“Thank you so much, Tim,” she went on. “You deserve so much more credit.”

“No. I don’t. This was all your doing.”

And nothing she says can change that.

“Yeah, but you dealt with the paperwork and the checks and everything-“

“All the money was yours. I never had to pull out a cent.”

“Still,” she shrugged. “I wouldn’t have done any of this without you.”

Her face.

Loving her will always be the best decision anyone could ever make, if it was at all a decision in the first place. It surely wasn’t a choice of his. It wasn’t something so sudden at all. It was from years and months of gradual development that made it so hard to climb out of. His best friend. One he fell so hard for and thought would have never felt the same.

But should he tell her the truth now? That he’d always loved her and never stopped? Even when he told her, and himself, that he did? Would it to be right to make yet another confession and possibly break what they had now? For good?

No risk could match her worth. His own happiness wouldn’t match her worth.

He was lucky, then, that she made him happy anyway.

“I stole this.”

A teddy bear with a red bow. He pulled it out from his hoodie. “I hope the kids won't mind.”

And that was the last of her smile that he’d see for that day, and he let himself believe it was the brightest, most beautiful one just yet. She took the toy, lovingly stared at it while her finger brushed over the bow.

Then she hugged him so tightly around his neck. He couldn’t bear not to hug her back for even a second too late.

“I love you, Tim.”

Eyes shut, and the tug at his heart that will forever haunt him of his mistakes.

It hurt, more than anything, that he was sure she said it much too lightly for it to mean the way he wanted her to mean it.

Best friend. That was who he was.

He shouldn’t think so much of it. He can’t cause himself any more lingering thoughts.

He was her best friend.

That, he will always be. No matter the cost.

“I love you, too.”

When she disappeared into the door, it took him a while before that hurt morphed into a smile, and the happenings of today turn into nothing more than sheer memories.

Click.

Shift.

Thud.

Like the parade had settled and in came the storm.

It was just laughable at that point, how differently the air shifted the moment he walked back into that car and not a word was spoken. Not by any of them.

Dick.

Jason.

And Tim.

Dick had his eyes on the windshield. Jason out the window, hand over his lips.

Tim settled on the passenger seat next to Dick, and even he knew not to turn and look at any of them in the eye.

None of them had to.

It was so silent, it was haunting. They should be terrified of each other, knowing what they were all capable of. But all it was, was laughable.

It was laughable, how three brothers who knew each other well enough, too well, far too well, to possibly ignore what just happened over the course of just one day.

Not a smile, a word, a remark, or even a nod.

For a moment, Dick twitched his jaw. It must have hurt from all that gritting.

And Jason. For fuck’s sake. His hand should have been a goner by now with how much he clenched his fists.

They all wanted to speak up.

But oh, they didn’t have to at all. They didn’t even have to look at each other.

Not when they had been since dawn that day. Watched each other, knew exactly what the other thought.

Tim was first to turn to Dick.

Dick’s face was blank, and he eyed Tim like he was just so uninteresting.

Then they both turned back at Jason, who’d already had his brows raised at them both.

Jason shook his head and looked back out the glass. It was starting to rain.

It didn’t take long for Dick to start up the car and drive away.

He knew, they all knew, that all this will have to be settled. This strain. This obvious. The elephant they had long ignored and never confronted.

It was too hard to ignore now.

And when they don’t, it won't be pretty.

-----

MASTERLIST | 3 BIRDS 1 STONE MASTERLIST

-----

A/N: I’LL TAKE THIS AS A CHANCE TO DISCLOSE THE FUTURE FOR THE SERIES. 3 BIRDS 1 STONE WILL END AFTER 15 CHAPTERS, WITH THE LAST TWO BEING THE PRE-FINALE AND THE FINALE TO BE POSTED 24 HOURS APART. I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOYED IT SO FAR. HERE’S TO FINISHING THIS THING.

-----

MAIN TAGLIST:

@everyartistwas-firstanamateur, @sarcasmismyfirstlove, @damned-queen-of-gotham, @idkmanicantenglish, @wunderstell, @birdy-bat-writes, @get-loki, @everyday-imfangirling, @comic-nerd-dc, @multifandomgirl-us, @icequeen208, @offendedfishnoises, @egdolan, @xemiefx, @arkhamtoddler, @elsenthal, @mythicbitchx, @lucy-roo, @roseangel013bf, @loxbbg, @reclusive-chicken-nugget, @l-inkage, @http-cherries, @river9noble, @zphilophobiaz, @annoylinglyaries, @knightfall05x, @hyp-oh-critical, @satan-s-ass, @1-800-starmora, @flowersgirl02, @nahcho, @thatonecroc, @trixie-bb, @daddyissuesmademe, jasonsbitch, @shadowsndaisies @jaybirdbooty @writing2sirvive

SERIES TAGLIST:

@spaceservicestation, @thedeadlythoughts, @vanessafabricius, @pinkforest05

#dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #dick grayson x reader #jason todd x reader #tim drake x reader #batboys x reader #batboys #batfamily #bruce wayne #damian wayne #nightwing #red hood #red robin #3 birds 1 stone #3 birds 1 stone series #batarella #batarella series

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bluebandana · 4 years

Text

The LP Show Act 2: Summary

helloooooo we started off with some technical difficulties and got pushed back like an hour and a half (yes we are tired)

mae started off singing a few songs!!!

two minute waiting period!!!

a little intro video!!!

liam looks super cute!!!!! he has crowd sounds playing and the comment section up again!!!!

song 1: first time

he did a really cute giggle in between songs which i feel like really needed to be mentioned

song 2: slow

“i keep forgetting the fan sounds” 🥺🥺🥺

song 3: midnight

*forgets the sounds again*

“the reaction to the first show was amazing and this one seems even better. AND IT’S MY BIRTHDAY. i keep forgetting it’s my birthday”

showed merch and shouted out some fans

question: when are you coming to australia?

answer: he doesn’t know when he’s going back but he loves it!!! australia was the first place they went to after the uk (when 1d first started) and they loved the reaction to the band and “niall gave a helicopter the bird”

question: how does it feel to be performing by himself?

answer: talked about 10th anniversary!!! and how long it’s been and how amazing everything has been

“i’ve got a mustache now” (when talking about the changes in the past ten years)

song 4: night changes “i’m gonna need you guys to help me sing since i’m alone now” 🥺🥺🥺

“that felt good” (after the song ended)

“some of my favorite 1d songs are in this set”

song 5: what a feeling “we’ve never really sang this song”

“i’m sorry i put off the end of that song but it’s my birthday”

talked about how many people are at the show!!!!!

question: what’s your favorite memory from 1d?

answer: THE BREAD VAN

question: 1d performance he remembers the best

answer: Wembley stadium when the place was dark and the only light was his light up shoes lmao

question: wish for his birthday

answer: “not telling you because then it won’t come true”

looked at all of the countries people are watching from!!!

look at throwback 1d pictures!!!!

first picture

1d in the onesies that they always used to wear and said that they “got told off for wearing them by someone in xfactor:

second picture

them from when they went go carting with nintendo “mario cart style” lmao and said that “i won.....no one else is here to tell me otherwise so”

third picture

them in ghana!!!!!! he talked about how much he loved going there and said that it was “at the perfect time” and mentioned the music video they filmed there!!!!

fourth picture

him in his “favorite picture of me in a vest ever” from a 1d concert with the crowd and a “little H 🥺” in the background!! he said he didn’t remember where the show was but to “circle if you can find yourself in a crowd”

showed us unseen footage of himself recording remember!!!!

the lyric “how can i forget someone who gave me so much to remember?” came straight from pinterest and they based the whole song on it dsfghjkhgfd

at one point he was in the recording booth without a shirt on edsfghjhgfds

back to the show

the next few songs were “new remixes just for tonight”

song 5: for you live remix

song 6: get low live remix

song 7: stack it up live remix

question: new genre to bring to music?

answer: he’s gonna keep doing dance music!!!

questions about djing and such!!!!

answer: basically he talked about working with all of the djs he’s done stuff with but it was really fast and i couldn’t write it down :(

showed pics of previous birthdays!!!!

talked about the bday pic where the story of not having friends come celebrate again came from and how it’s a lie

“i’ve had a lot of extravagant bday cakes......i hope you guys got me one this year” and they said they didn’t get him one :(

all of the songs from 8-12 were all partial songs and smushed together which was a little sad :((( but he still sounded so good!!

song 8: familiar

song 9: drag me down

he said “that was a surprise” when the song switched (later during the after party they were talking about how he had never heard the mixes before so either it was about not knowing when the songs switched over or about the remixes from earlier)

they played the studio version in the background and i gasped at the sounds of the other 1d boys’ voices

song 10: polaroid

song 11: bedroom floor

song 12: strip that down

song 13: best song ever!!!

it was on the set list he gave to us after what a feeling and he skipped it but he brought it back here as a bonus!!!! and he sang the full thing!!!!

he ended the song with “it was the best birthday party after party ever....coming up right after this”

intermission before after party!!

after party!!!!

we came back to him wearing a full blue suit!!!

“this is me in my birthday suit” sdfghjhgfd

thanked us for coming!!! talked about enjoying singing 1d songs!!! especially what a feeling!!!! gave a hand for mae!!!!!

read the itinerary for the after party like a cute host

fan vs. fan on zoom!!!

presents!!!!!

live on tiktok after

birthday messages!!!

we were trending worldwide!!!!!

question: favorite dance

answer: the wap dance jfkdksal

zoom game!!!!

threw a dart with a number!!! number is the number of the zoom fan!!!! another fan asks a question!!!! if zoom fan gets it right, they win a prize. if they get it wrong, the question fan gets a prize!!!

it wasn’t not working too well and he said “it’s my birthday so that’s my excuse” and “i’m gonna stand here very awkwardly and make funny faces” then “now i’m staring at myself which is even worse”

fan question: what is liam’s middle name?

liam said “they better get it right” or something like that implying it was easy dfghjkjh

then they didn’t get it :(((

prize!!!!: liam’s burberry shirt that he was papped in a few years ago!!!

back to liam

question: most emotional thing about going solo

answer: “finding out that someone didn’t know my middle name.....nights like tonight when i perform these songs by myself......night changes is a tear jerker for me”

fan said they would donate $500 if he writes her name on his hand “how do you spell the name...i did go to school it’s just polite to ask”

presents!!!!!

first present is from his parents

something popped out and he got scared!!!!! but he loved it!!!!

birthday messages

zedd

alesso

did a tshirt cannon but social distanced style and gave them away to people in comments

he shot a little cannon every time!!!!

back to zoom game

the person who asked the question wasn’t there so liam had to read it and he said “i hope i know the answer” before reading it

fan question: (the number was 18 and he sang a bit of the song) at what age did i take up boxing?

the fan didn’t know so he gave them the answer so they would win

answer: 13

gift was one of his gucci shirts

another present

it’s a HORSE COSTUME.....one of those ones where he’s riding a horse

birthday message

from dj khaled

he called him “lima” LMAOOO

“i shouldn’t be enjoying this as much as i am” about wearing the costume

#1 trending in australia!!

“you took a long look at my crotch area there and i hope it was because of the horse”

“i’m getting used to it now....it becomes quite fulfilling after a while”

zoom game #3

fan question: name 5 artists that liam collabed with so far

they got it!!!!

another shirt that he got papped in once!!!

did another tshirt cannon!!

birthday messages

rita ora

NIALL FUCKING HORAN

moved to tiktok

made a tiktok with the reactions of when you like your birthday present vs. when you don’t like your birthday present but you’re pretending

his family got him a birthday cake in the shape of a giant cookie!!!! and they played the cookie song for him!!!!! he talked about that trend about how everything is cake!!!!

#okay the format is a little weird but im tired fghjgfds #once again if i got anything wrong or left anything out please let me know!!!!!!!#liam payne #the lp show #the lp show act 2 #liam93productions #i don't know what else to tag but i did this again because people asked!!!#please love it #mine

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livebloggingmydescentintomadness · 3 years

Note

Hi. I can come off anon if you'd prefer to answer privately cause I really don't want this to blow up in a negative way. I just feel overwhelmed, kind of lost, and I really appreciate your view point... SPN has always been a comfort show (Dean being my comfort character) but since the mess with J*P & learning so much about someone who I really liked + use for an RP OC, I haven't been able to enjoy it like I used or even write said OC. Do you have any advice? I miss Dean & SPN and 1/2

2/2 and I feel like I'm letting my bff down cause I have hiatus on that OC who is their ship partner and doesn't want J*P to not be the faceclaim anymore. I'm a fan of G*n P too (Wildfire rewatch paused too) so I just feel lost. I don't know how to see J*P anymore/not feel like disgusted with who he truly seems. I miss not knowing, being able to enjoy content that includes him like SPN, Gilm*re Girls, or cons. I miss feeling connected with A*K*F. I really need advice, please, any at all?

an add on... I am sorry for the possible emotional dumping there too. I just am scared to put it on a public post with how some fans are of his and plus my bff who can ignore it better than me, who wants me to do the same cause they insist they did the same with M*ish and J*A who are my favorites. I feel lost. I'm so sorry, I just really did not where else to turn for advice on something like this.

hey there, hon, i'm sorry you're dealing with this shittiness.

my qpp and i have been together for almost 16 years, and one of the things that got us together was a form of role-playing some characters. we've kept that up all this time, and it's grown and evolved into us writing fleshed-out fic together where we each write one of the characters and trade little chapters back and forth.

so all of that is to say that i completely understand what you're describing. and i have to say that most of all, i'm very concerned by how your "bff" is treating you.

when it comes to our writing, me and my qpp's number one rule is prioritizing each other's physical health and mental well-being. even after all this time, we love and look forward to getting the email with the next part, but we still constantly reassure each other if you don't feel up to writing right now, don't worry about it. rest, take care of yourself, do what you need to do, and if you're having emotional issues then talk about them to me.

you and us always, always, always comes before the writing, because while that's meaningful to us and we enjoy it, it's still just a thing. we're more important. one time i went an entire year without writing anything because my mental and physical health was so terrible, and she never once pressured me.

if my qpp told me that the actions of the actor behind a character had unsettled her so badly that she couldn't continue writing that with me, i would of course be saddened and disappointed. but i would never try to force her or guilt her into doing it anyway, and she would never do that to me. never.

it makes complete sense that you're having these feelings about a character with jared's face, and i feel very critical of your friend for not being understanding of that fact. i don't think it's remotely the same to compare it to your friend "getting over"/"ignoring" misha and jensen for you, because i don't know of anything either of them have done that compares to the shit jared has pulled. and besides, it doesn't matter, because the fact is that you ARE upset. you can't bargain someone into just not being upset anymore.

i'm sorry to say it, but i think your friend is being selfish. they want you to deliver role-playing without caring about your feelings, and certainly without prioritizing your welfare.

let's be clear: this is something you do for fun. you are in no way obligated to do this, ever. if it's not fun or fulfilling for you anymore, you are allowed to stop. this isn't a marriage, it's just a role-play. it can be meaningful and intimate, but it's not a contract you signed. if your partner is no longer meeting you halfway and is just using you to get what they want, you have every right to back out of the situation.

i know that will suck and it'll hurt, but you shouldn't force yourself to do this just to please them. you'll get more and more upset and start to resent them, and eventually you'll explode.

you need to talk honestly with your friend and lay down some boundaries. if they can't respect your well-being, they're not the best friend you thought they were.

i wish i could tell you how to solve your feelings towards j*red, but i think this is the more immediate problem. if you can get distance from this pressure to "get over it", maybe then you'll be able to actually deal with the feelings and figure stuff out.

#spn cast #anonymous #ask

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solomonish · 3 years

Note

Hey! If you're up for it how about The Fool, The Hierophant, and The Tower for Solomon. And The Moon as a bonus for any character that strikes your fancy!

hell YES i am up for it! i would do the entire thing for Solomon in one go if asked (please don’t ask......let me pace myself lol)

major arcana headcanon requests!

SOLOMON

The Fool - what are your muse’s thoughts on new beginnings? does it frighten them or excite them?

Well, I think Solomon has a different opinion on new beginnings for himself than he does others, first of all. Considering all he’s seen and been through and what role he has in the universe now, it makes sense that he’d hold himself to a different standard.

I think for him, he doesn’t necessarily think there’s even the option? Like, he has stagnated. His power and knowledge grows, sure, but in terms of personal development he’s kind of stuck. (At least, that’s how I think he defaults to seeing himself. Can’t keep the realms under control if you’re distracted by trying to be a better person, you know?) He just has to move forward without any thought to “starting over.” Maybe there’s too many layers to get through to start from the top again. Maybe he can never have a new beginning because he cannot end. Maybe he just forgets to take a personal day and do some self reflection because he’s busy, haha. But I can kind of see him not really...thinking that’s an option for himself. The concept seems like wishful thinking, but if ever given the opportunity he’d definitely have some reservations about whether or not he could make it through the transition. Not scared per se, but...wary.

For others, though, I think Solomon definitely thinks it’s possible, especially for humans. Angels and demons have such a stiff role they have to fulfill, but humans? They can kinda do whatever they want. Even if he feels a bit detached from humanity, he still cares deeply for it (them? us?) and the ability to just decide you’re unhappy and completely reinvent yourself, especially with the little time we have, probably just adds to our charm, you know? It’s probably one of the things he’s jealous of or misses, if he thinks about it

The Hierophant - what are your muse’s morals / ethics? do they follow their moral code strictly?

oh boy, solomon and ethics....

Solomon’s ethics are better off described rather than labeled. If you labeled them, you’d start with “gray” and then you’d get nowhere else. I definitely don’t think he’s amoral, and I don’t think he’s immoral either. It’s very easy to determine a person void of morals or ethics when judging them based on a life where there aren’t many choices that would be “immoral” but necessary. Like, in the average life, the most immoral thing is easy to not do. But considering he’s got, ahem, large responsibilities on his shoulders, there’s probably quite a few times where the best course of action would be horrifying for someone to hear of him doing.

Overall, he prioritizes humanity above all else, along with its longevity and preservation. He definitely has a different internal attitude (at least) when interacting with angels and demons as opposed to humans, a combination of not really feeling as directly responsible for them and also knowing that if he ever is, he would have few to no qualms about giving them the short end of the stick in a situation that would benefit “his team,” if he could manage to pass it by Diavolo or Michael.

I don’t think his internal values change, things like autonomy and equality for all, free pursuit of knowledge, y’know, all the good stuff everybody wants. And in his day-to-day life, he doesn’t seem the type to pass quick judgement or have some inherent unwillingness to compromise. “Morals” and “ethics” seems to imply a more grand scenario, and as the “keeper of humanity” or however he sees himself, he wouldn’t exactly be hesitant or emotionally torn apart by having to hurt somebody if it meant he could protect and support humanity as a whole.

I feel like I spent however many paragraphs being extremely vague and I’m not sure if this makes sense or even says anything of importance, haha...

The Tower - what event drastically changed your muse’s life? do they resent that event or are they glad of it?

Well, I mean, there’s a few obvious answers here. You have his fall from the graces of the heavens, the exchange program, any number of biblical events, his discovery of magic and the path he took to immortality, the fallout with his apprentice....and to be honest, with the exception of the exchange program, i think he is resentful but also glad? He’s the type to see the good and the bad outcomes of the situation. He’s probably made peace with the sentiment that “oh it made me who i am today” but he does have days where he grapples with all he’s lost and must now deal with for practically eternity.

Though, and these aren’t drastic events that shatter him forever (but i think they can be mentioned here), I do think that he takes little pieces of the people he meets and cares about until he becomes a sort of mosiac of the people he loves. Not necessarily romantic love, either. He met a witch who he was close friends with who couldn’t put down cheesy teen romance novels from a specific author, so you can find a few copies of her favorites sandwiched between spellbooks and old archival texts in his room. He isn’t big on self care, but Asmo did teach him a quick and efficient way to wash his face and keep his skin clear. Simeon and Luke gave him an appreciation for finely crafted tea sets. Again, the event i guess would be “making a friend” (which for him very well may be a once in a lifetime kind of deal lol) and isn’t what the question meant, but idk. I think it was worth mentioning here because long-term, it does incorporate into him as a person.

LUCIFER (my other fave <3)

The Moon - what does your muse long for? is it a realistic desire?

Not to be surface-level and cheesy, but I think he longs for him and his brothers to feel like a family. Not that they don’t already, but I think he longs for the way they used to be in the Celestial Realm, how complete they used to feel. In that way, it’s probably the most unrealistic desire. The hole in their family isn’t one that can or even should be filled, and your addition is just that - an addition, not a replacement.

Something that could give him (kind of) what he craves is if he and his brothers could heal. They’re already on the right path, but they’re still all kind of dysfunctional. The complicated part of this is that a lot of their strife is due to the nature of demons, and the wholesome unity is a brand that has never really been found in he Devildom. That’s not to say it’s impossible - the brothers still love each other, they still are loyal to each other, but Lucifer can feel that there is some sort of rift between them that has not yet been fixed that he yearns to solve.

(If you ask me, the “rift” is probably something caused by trying to heal in an environment that will never offer mercy or forgiveness. If the brothers can find solace in each other, maybe that’ll get them a step closer. But sometimes their interactions still feel like walking on eggshells, and...I don’t know. I really do think Lucifer longs for the type of relationship they had when they were angels, and he’s trying to deal with the realization that maybe that type of relationship just isn’t in the cards for a demon.)

#i think maybe this is just me saying a whole lot of something #ask game #lucifer #solomon #obey me #obey me solomon #obey me lucifer #solomon hcs #lucifer hcs #asked and answered #elvishdork #mine #asks

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