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#hp shit post
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Petunia: Hey, Severus, what do you think it would be like if we had kids?
Severus: What would it be like? Inconvenient, mostly.
Petunia: No, I mean, what would they be like, the kids? You ever think about it?
Severus: Can't really say I have.
Petunia: You know, for someone as eccentric as yourself, you can be boring as fuck sometimes.
Severus: Sorry, Tunia. For what it's worth, I'm picturing them now. A boy and a girl. Two perfect little freaks of nature raised by people who've clearly got no business bringin' up anybody.
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chocoramo-cow · 4 months
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Bellatrix: why do you always miss out on field missions?!?!
20 year old Deatheater Snape:
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that-bitch-kat3 · 8 months
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sirius @ james when he runs away to the potters
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neechees · 5 months
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Hairy Potty fans should honestly be embarrassed to still be publicly posting about their bigotry-Supreme-series & I'm still baffled whenever I run into HP posts when i search stuff
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Me: *looks at the hunger games fandom*
Me: So peaceful. So content. Must be nice having your biggest problem be the movie title being slightly innacurate.
Me: *sighs*
Me: *looks back to see the other fandoms shes in*
*Batfam is sipping tea while being surrounded by destruction*
*Pjo is having a full on duel with rick with swords while shit is on fire and they are both cackling manically*
*jjk is drunk in the corner and doing something on their computer*
*hp just had a shouting match with jk and has disowned her*
*septimus heap sits in the other corner and yearns for recognition*
*marauders just stabbed themselves in the heart and is currently crying*
*marvel is chanting shit shit shit while desperately trying to figure out What The Hell They're Supposed To Do*
*miraculous is on the ceiling, screeching*
Me: *sighs again*
Me: *quietly goes to the secrets of nicholas flamel fandom. it is only me. Im the only one here.*
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ravenclawh0re18 · 8 months
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Slytherin: Are you reading fan fiction? Ravenclaw, reading an article about extremely rare diseases: Wh- No. Slytherin: Oh, is it on AO3? Ravenclaw: This is CNN.
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slyther-bi · 3 months
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When your friends get turned into kids and now you're stuck taking care of them.....
Severus is not doing so well....he's stuck caring for Barty who is just clueless and more unpredictable, Mulciber who is too energetic, Regulus who is far too emotional and sensitive and deprived of affection, Evan who is far more obsessed with him than before, Wilkes who is basically the only normal kid there, Avery who asks a lot of questions, and Lucius who doesn't really care and is Severus's favorite at the moment.
(The only easy thing about this drawing was the drawing reference I found. Everything else was complicated.)
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perciver4ever · 2 months
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"No, that's not how it was."
"It's how it felt to me. "
Post prank Sirius and Remus
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rewritingcanon · 7 months
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scorpius the type of mf to say ‘i’m perfect just the way i am with or without a partner !’ but really he craves someone to love him like he loves others so badly. he’s just been alone for so long that he’s accepted that his life will always be isolating, and he needs to make peace with his yearning (he will view life and its fruit of youthful romances and reckless memories as something that is forbidden for him to touch, and only as something he can observe like an alien residing planets away, peering into a telescope whose lenses are too blurry, and trying his best to imitate with himself what he sees in the lives of others)
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mushroompoisoning · 1 month
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Good friend, I ask of you because I trust you, what are these "The Mechanisms" you are so fond of?
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Okay I tried to type out an incredibly long summary but tumblr deleted it so you're getting a semi-sane version instead
The Mechanisms are a band of immortal, space-faring pirates travelling the universe singing about the tragedies they witness for our entertainment!
There are nine main members you'll hear about, with the tenth - Dr Carmilla - having left much earlier and making her own music 👍 ( there is technically an eleventh but they're more of a mystery easter egg than anyone we know things about )
Quick lore thing: the mechanisms immortality works from the mechanical part(s) they each have. They can die and get injured, but they'll revive whenever the narrative wants them too. All logic in this universe functions off of Would It Be Good For The Story
The cast is:
Jonny D'Ville (he/him) is the ship's first mate ( don't let him tell you otherwise ) and he's got a mechanical heart
Nastya Rasputina (she/her) is the ship's engineer and girlfriend! Yea the ship - Aurora - is alive btw. She's got me hanical blood
Ashes O'Reily (they/them) is the ship's quartermaster and best arsonist! they've got mechanical lungs
Drumbot Brian (he/him) is the ship's pilot and the only one with a moral code. It's controlled by a switch which flips between Means Justify Ends and Ends Justify Means with no nuance. everything is mechanical except for his heart
Ivy Alexandria (she/her) is the ship's archivist! Pretty chill, cares more for books than violence but that doesn't mean she disapproves of the latter. she's got a mechanical brain
The Toy Soldier (it/its) is the mascot and whatever else they tell it to be! it just wants to be involved. will follow anything you tell it if you ask nicely ( or with enough force ). it's not actually mechanized, and is instead a sentient wooden man
Gunpowder Tim (he/him) is the ship's master at arms! madman war veteran who I love dearly. he blew up the moon. he's great. I pick favourites. he's got mechanical eyes
Raphaella La Cognizi (she/her) is the ship's unethical scientist! nothing is off the table when it comes to research. nothing. theory is she mechanized her, but iirc that unconfirmed. she's got a mechanical spine and wings!
and Baron Marius Von Raum (he/him) who is neither the ships baron nor doctor. he claims to be both, though. Deeply unserious fella. he's got a mechanical arm
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^ here are some good images for crew reference
OKAY! Now onto actual music
They have six albums and a couple singles!
Once Upon a Time (In Space) is an unconventional retelling of classic fairytales
High Noon over Camelot is a retelling of King Arthur
Ulysses Dies at Dawn is a greek mythos adaptation
and The Bifrost Incident is a norse mythos adaptation
there's also Tales To Be Told volumes I and II, and the two single Frankenstein and Death To The Mechanisms ( technically that one is part of an album but the album is just a bunch of their other songs from already existing albums )
The tales to be told albums contain some of the mechanisms origins!
One Eyed Jacks is Jonny's
Lucky Sevens is Ashes'
Lost In The Cosmos is Brian's
and Gunpowder Tim vs The Moon Kaiser I don't think I have to say
Nastya has an origin song, but it was never officially put on anything. You can find it on the @mechanismslorearchive ( you can get any lore you want on there )
They also have a number of live shows ( you can find those on youtube ) and written stories on their website! I recommend these if you wanna get to know the mechanisms as characters better
that is the basic rundown. I'm not an expert on the mechs so if you're looking to talk to a metaphorical seasoned nurse instead of a med student I'd go to @bugsinthebayou or @gunpowderdtim (sorry for tagging yall)
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Tulip and Primrose attended Hogwarts for two years before switching to Beauxbatons. This change happened when Severus was offered a job in France and Petunia talked him into taking it.
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noe-clara69 · 5 months
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Okay so hear me out: draco as a spy for the order.
He proves himself to the golden trio in fifth year, for reasons I have yet to explain but will figure out soon enough, and runs to Severus during the summer in between fifth and sixth year before he gets the dark mark. Snape calms him down and they figure out what draco wants to do moving forward and what would be the smartest thing to do while keeping his morals in tact. They figure out the spy solution.
So snape takes draco to the order and is like “he should be a spy” and everyone’s like “no 😠” at first but then dumbledore goes “yes 🤓” and everyone goes “yeah we were joking he can join our club 😁” (I’m being funny not serious. I am also seriously minimizing the amount of time all of this will take and the complexity of all of it, but follow along)
Does all of that make sense? You guys obviously can’t read my mind and have no idea what I’m going to do with the characters yet, but this solves a big plot hole that I was trying to figure out a way through.
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slytherin-boys · 7 months
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Wes: What did you guys get in your yearbook?
Evan: 'Prettiest Smile'
Will: 'Nicest Personality'
Klaus: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'
Severus: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'
◇Wes is Avery, Klaus is Mulciber, And William or Will is Wilkes◇
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chocoramo-cow · 3 months
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Regulus Arcturus Black and Bartemius Crouch jr. joining a nazi wizard death cult to get back at their families (1978, colorized)
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jjameslily · 1 month
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lily kinda sorta starting to like james. lily pretending that she’s not kinda sorta fully falling in love with him already. and james trying to be less annoying and more serious (well as serious as he can be he’s still an idiot) but the switch up completely confuses lily to no end and she’s actually not that cool about this type of stuff like she will over analyze all his actions into the ground until she’s back to thinking he’s literally just fucking with her because there’s no way he likes her for real so she needs to get a grip because that’s very embarrassing. and lily is hot and boys want to date her but does this boy want to date her? or are they dancing around one another because it’s fun? the idea doesn’t bother her as much as she thought it would but wait she should get a grip
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saturnniidae · 15 days
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I will never understand how people will agknowledge just how jk rowling is as a human being, and still like Harry potter. You can't fucking "separate the art from the artist" when the 'art' is filled with antisemitism, racism transphobia and more! You can't even think about doing that when the 'artist' herself is a fucking HOLOCAUST DENIER.
(Also it's even more pathetic considering jk rowling is actually a shit writer. Like let's be honest, everything people love about Harry potter is from the movies. Every bit of personality Harry had was from his actors portrayal of him)
These people don't care that they're clinging onto the mediocre work of a holocaust denier that wishes death to trans people because they're too wrapped up in nostalgia or whatever. It's pathetic and honestly disgusting.
And it speaks volumes how pretty much all the people I see behaving this was are white
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