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wolfiemcwolferson · 1 year

Note

“I wanna get better”

Ok, this is more sad. Piarles. (I went cuckoo. sorry) CW for mental health stuff

Pierre in the midwest going to university while living at home - commuting 45 minutes to campus three days a week, driving to their research facility one day, and working on his dad's farm the other three.

Spending late nights when he can't sleep wandering through a pasture with a headlamp and his dog while he thinks about living on a coast - somewhere he can stand on a beach and feel small in a really different way - thinking about that time he was eight and his parents drove them all to the Californian coast and he knew what happiness was.

He goes to parties with his friends and he wants to feel something, but the girl he was dating for 2.5 years dumped him last year when he started anti-depressants because she couldn't get it and he can't get himself to ask out the girl in his physics class that has made it really clear that she likes him and he's like, trying really hard to make it work.

He starts his third year and his dad is asking him when he starts his practicum for his teacher's exam and Pierre doesn't know how to tell him he's been thinking about applying to grad school or that he's been seeing the therapist at university or that he's having those discount medical cards sent to his friends dorm room mailing address so he can pay cash for anti-depressants without his parents finding out, but he's making it, you know? He's making it.

And then he's sitting in the library right before his 21st birthday and he's got like 15 open tabs for colleges on the coast that offer master's degrees in biology and that's when Charles flops down in front of him, laughing and asking if he can sit with him. "Sorry if this is weird, but everywhere else is full and I just...really have to try and figure this shit out or I will fail this biology exam."

Pierre is entranced by him and obviously offers to help. Clears his throat a little and asks, "who's the professor?" and slides the textbook over to him, to highlight the important information, but he slides his computer away and Charles is laughing again. "Are you transferring to South Carolina?" before squinting. "Oh god, tell me I haven't managed to find the only other person from South Carolina?"

Pierre shakes his head. Explains he's thinking about going to grad school there and instead of him helping him with Biology, he's slowly being told about all the best places to hang out and all the spots that Charles loves and how he's really actually cold and miserable and he's been flirting with the idea that he will transfer and finally Pierre is like, "I'm so sorry, but I have to go to class, but I will help you with this. Give me your number and we can set something up." And Charles is so shameless like "God, I didn't even have to work to get you to ask me for my number." and obviously Pierre can't take it back, just blushes and laughs it off, but god. It sits heavy in his heart.

He sees Charles two days later and helps him with his biology, but he also looks at his dimples and watches the way he drags his vowels and he waits and waits and waits while he tells long and rambly stories that don't mean anything. And so when he says into the abyss of his car on his drive home that night, "I think I might be gay" and it doesn't scare him the way he thinks it will, he texts Charles and asks if he wants to go grab lunch with him - no biology homework this time.

It's a very fast and mad descent into being in love for the first time.

Pierre is so incredibly busy, but he's lying to his parents about school work and he's driving into town to spend whole days in Charles' dorm room, licking up his neck and explaining biology homework to him in great detail and learning about himself and about Charles in return and it's a bit like standing in the ocean again for the first time.

Charles understands loss and he understands that Pierre feels like he's trapped in a box and he makes him laugh and he makes him feel like he's on top of the world and they're sneaking around and it's everything young love should be.

Charles tells him he's staying for May-mester too because there's this class he needs and it's only offered in the summer and so Pierre knows they have four months together and he plans on making every single day count.

It's just that...he maybe gets so wrapped up in Charles, in thinking this was the thing missing from his life that he stops...filling his prescription and he...goes a bit wobbly in May.

Charles has class four days a week and Pierre doesn't have class at all and his dad finds out that he's been seeing someone from school and he kind of goes to the dark place and I think they have a really nasty fight the last week of May and Pierre accuses Charles of not giving him enough time and Charles is like, I can't go anywhere with you I can't go home I can't go to restaurants I can't do anything so how?

He goes to see Charles the night before his flight back to SC and Charles says, "I love you, but I think you need to...figure some stuff out."

And Pierre is...still at home. Watching Charles have the summer of his life in South Carolina before Charles posts a really vague thing at the beginning of August about being home and then he calls that night - for the first time all summer and Pierre gets really excited. Thinks he's coming back.

"I'm transferring, Pierre." Charles tells him quietly. "I just...I need to get my shit together. I was barely going to class last semester and I just...I can't be the only thing you have in your life. It's not good for either of us."

Pierre has half a dozen half finished applications and two letters of recommendation and an expired anti-depressant prescription and he decides that he can't do this. He can't be the person who has half a life because he's scared or can't get his shit together.

The next year is really really hard and it goes something like this: He tells his parents about the anti-depressants and he comes out and he tells them he wants to go to grad school and his dad is furious, but his mom holds him and cries and helps him make a list of what he needs to do. He applies to six grad programs. He takes his anti-depressants everyday and he goes to therapy and he tries really hard. He graduates with two acceptances and he has a text from Charles congratulations on graduating and it's the first contact they've had in months since Pierre unfollowed him on Instagram and it doesn't feel like it's going to kill him and he texts him back and thanks him and tells him he hopes he's happy. Charles reads it but doesn't respond. Pierre goes on a couple of dates with a guy he met online that summer, but he tells him he's going to grad school in the fall and so they remain friends and that's really it.

The fic ends with Pierre moving into his new apartment right off campus, meeting his roommates in person for the first time and they ask if he wants to go out that night as a welcome dinner and he's like, SURE.

They all walk into this place with garage sides that roll up and foamy beer and it's just so...Pierre can almost smell the ocean from here and he feels alive - just like he did when he was eight and just like he did when he fell in love with Charles and just like he did when his therapist hugged him during their last session and told him she was proud of him.

He's being introduced to one of his roommate's friends from his grad program and Pierre hears him - Charles.

He turns around and he's there. Talking to a group of people, laughing and talking too loudly like he's prone to doing, but he turns immediately when Pierre says his name. "Charles."

His eyes go wide and Pierre thinks he's pissed but then he's throwing himself across the group of people and Pierre almost tips backwards catching him and Charles is laughing. "What are you doing here? What are you doing here? Oh my god. Are you starting school here?"

And Pierre laughs, telling him that he is. he's starting his grad program next week - is Charles on vacation or?

"I transferred in. I finished my associate's at the junior college back home and I - this was my number one pick." Charles laughs and pulls his phone out. "I think I'm gonna need a lot of biology help this semester."

Pierre puts his number in. "Why the hell are you taking biology? Don't tell me you're trying to -"

"Pierre." Charles laughs, "It's a line. I'm never taking another biology class in my life. I'm just getting your number."

"Oh," PIerre smiles before handing the phone back.

"Listen, I do have to get back to my friends because they will lock me out of the apartment tonight, but I will text you okay? And we'll get together and talk, yeah? I know it's shit of me to say, but I've thought about you like, every single day and this is...kismet or something."

Pierre nods and accepts the hug and when he turns back to his roommates, he shrugs and says, "It's my ex." and they all laugh.

He doesn't stay his ex, and Pierre goes to therapy and takes his anti-depressants and he and Charles sit on the beach for hours and they talk about everything and nothing and Pierre reminds himself that he always wants to get better.

#piarles #sorry for being insane #it will happen again #fic titles

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texancommie07 · 3 months

Text

Vows are spoken

To be broken

Feelings are intense

Words are trivial

Pleasures remain

So does the pain

Words are meaningless

And forgettable

Heavy Metal Valentines Day Three: Roses

March 29th, 1985

Billy would say it's too early for this, but considering the way the sun was shining directly into his bedroom window, that would be a lie.

Give him a break, he was hungover and frankly, extra cranky given the date. He heard the knocking again, groaned, and pulled himself out of his warm, comfy enough bed.

He should have seen it coming, all things considered. Eddie had called him yesterday, bestowing him early birthday wishes, and, more importantly, asking him if he would be home alone on said day. Billy honestly assumed it was a joke, Eddie's little mention of a "special birthday surprise" for him if he was, can ya blame him, that's just Eddie's bit.

But all of that foreshadowing clearly went right over Billy's head, as he found himself opening the door to a very excited Eddie, and a very large, and frankly itchy, object being shoved into his arms.

He had barely even processed Eddie's presence, ending up staring at their face for a few seconds after the shove. They looked far too pleased with themselves. Billy looked down to see...a bouquet?

He saw the roses first, they were kind of hard to miss, their deep red petals contrasting against the light green of the... carnations? Green carnations? He looked over just enought to see the bunches of lavender poking out from underneath the other flowers, most of them unknown to him.

Oh.

Eddie got him a bouquet for gay love. Billy could feel his face heating up. Out of embarrassment, anger, or adoration, he couldn't tell. Eddie got him a bunch of flowers to say "I'm gay and I love you."

God Billy had been quiet for too long, he needed to say something. He couldn't just stand there and scowl at the bunch of flowers his boyfriend got him as a birthday gift, he'd look like a total

"Jackass."

"Huh?"

Or, ya know, instead of saving face, he could just insult Eddie right to their face, sure, much better plan. God damnit all.

Billy looked back up at the sound of fabric rustling, just standing their watching Eddie flail and backtrack on their gift, saying they could take it back and get him something actually wanted, staring, like a moron. God somdays he really thinks Neil is right. God, just fucking do something!

"Shut up, would you?"

Not that.

Billy watched Eddie's eyes grow misty in a way that made him both horrified and violently jealous. God he sucks at this.

"Okay, no, Eddie look. I'm not mad, I promise, you just...caught me off guard."

"I called you, I told you I was coming over with my surprise.."

"No, No, Not like That. When you said surprise, I thought you meant like, I don't know, some silly little trinket or somthing, not a floral love letter. This is way to thoughtful, and now my gifts will look properly shit by comparison."

"So, you..like it?"

This was another one of those things Billy was getting used too. Eddie never specified with any medical terminology, but they had mentioned to Billy that they were... different. In ways that other people didn't like, in ways that got them held back their senior year. Whatever Eddie had or was, it made it a lot harder for them to navigate social situations, due to a "lack of understanding cues" they said. Having that with a boyfriend who spoke in nothing but sarcasm made conversations...interesting, to say the least.

"Yes Eddie, I like it, but you know Neil will flip his shit if he sees this, right?"

"Oh, yeah, I had kinda hoped you had a place to put them that would be, like, private, I can take them back if you don't!"

"No. I'm keeping these."

And keep them he did. Kept in an old Cali shoe box at the back of his closet. Over the next three months he would bring them out every now and then, looking at them made him feel nice. He was planning on pressing them soon so he could keep them for longer. He never got to.

Sketch

#billy deserved better #mungrove #my art i guess #billy antis dni #eddie deserves better #gay billy hargrove #heavymetalvalentines #your honour they're gay #autistic eddie munson #i love flower language with all my gay little heart #also sorry for the ending #i feel like shit so you all must suffer with me

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mythical-illustrator · 7 months

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hi!!! I’m sliding in with some ships for your OCs that I’d love to know your thoughts on 🥰

Helena x Fennec Shand

Grace x Jesse 👀

excited for your HCs 💙💙

A lot of these are how they get into a relationship rather than an established relationship because that's where my brain went.

Helena (human, spider-sona)and Fennec(human) Shand. This screams some enemies to lovers trope with potential doomed endings.

Very black cat + spider man energy .

Helena - spider woman of coruscant

fennec - bounty's hunter.

They definitely met when Helena saved one of Fennec's bounties and was running away.

Fennec, an excellent sniper wondering why she can't hit this damn woman in a stupid white gaudy suit

Helena keeps webbing her to walls.

Making quips and Fennec's very beautiful facial expressions.

Now its personal for Fennec.

Starts stalking spider-woman because she keeps getting in her way. Several more public chases have ended with spider- woman getting involved

No one escapes this woman

She will have to change her approach to more subtle works. Which starts making her an even better marksmen.

Helena looks up this known bounty hunter - despite several people's concerns over having met said bounty hunter.

Stars keeping a special eye out for her

One day Fennec shows up at Helena aunts gun range. Que Gay panic but also secret identify panic identify

Helena thinks Fennec's must know, and starts hanging around the sniper.

Helena - oh no she's hot!

Tries to flirt her way out of trouble when she gets caught 😵‍💫

Fennec thinks this pretty woman is just flirting. And she looks like a strong and capable fighter so she starts flirting back.

Flirting turns into talks, turns into showing off her gun skills.

The next thing Helena knows is she has a date. And then another and then another.

Helena - am I dating my enemy!

Before she realizes it she actually likes this quiet woman with her sass and strong silence and she doesn't know that she's spider-woman.

Fennec likes her cocky and quip filled new love interest and is setting out to seduce the fuck out of her.

Fennic screams the touching flirt- very physical. Dragging a hand up her arm, chucking the chin. Sharing air space. (Driving Helena to distraction). She's definitely brushed a few hot zones that are driving super senses wild.

fennec knows she's keeping secrets but who isn't so it doesn't bother the bounty hunter.

Now Fennec's isn't always on Coursant but when she is- she visits her new lovely almost girlfriend (she'll woo her don't you fret love. A few more make out sessions in the gun booth Should do the trick.)

Helena is so close to giving in. She loves Fennec's touches. They've definitely almost fucked in that booth. Some very very heavy petting.

Her other visits are ducking around spider-woman.

Eventually someone will take a hit out on spider-woman - and they will hire fennec Shand.

How it ends can either be really happy, or really sad.

My happy ass wants some angst that they get into a fight across the city and then dramatically Helena s mask either gets ripped off or Fennec actually lands a hit and Helena calls her a nick name or something that only her almost girlfriend would know.

Gods I'm gay 😵‍💫

Anyway!

Grace (half twi'lek former night sister turned Jedi healer)and Jesse (clone trooper of the 501st). (I'm not as familiar with Jesse but I'll try my best ) 😜

Now this one I had to think about.

Jesse takes his job very seriously but has a humorous streak to him.

I think they'd definitely start off as friends that accidentally stumbled their way into a relationship without noticing.

Grace is a Jedi healer on the move quite a bit during the war but would pay the 501 a visit often first because of Anakin, then to get to know the men he trusts the most.

She would spend a lot of time in the medic base with kix

Kix is the clone I think Jesse is the closest with in the close circle company.

At first hes super formal around the Jedi,

He calm reserved demeanor tries to reassure him that he can relax.

Jesse would make some sort of qip about her more non traditional Jedi look: "that's why they're called shadow people, where there's farm animals there is a farmer" boy is he lucky he's cute.

Something something - didn't know that Jedi knew what color was?

He starts hanging out around the med bay more to talk to the Jedi healer.

He says it's to help his best bro Kix but Kix isn't having any of that.

She stars showing him some basic first aid then answering questions about Jedi and then the force and their her background as a former night sister.

He starts telling her about missions, Rex, the Domino Twins. Ashoka. Training with ashoka.

Kix is like...I'm a third wheel in my own medical house?

Grace tries keeping a arms length distance but she loves hearing his opinion on things. Hearing his stories.

Jesse is a very passionate and animated story teller.

Sometimes their stories get sad, like the nature of the war, the loss of his brothers. The Senate.

Jesse is very honest even if it's a little silly sounding sometimes.

Grace starts spending more and more time with the 501st if she isn't ordered elsewhere.

She starts eating with Jesse and the other arc troopers.

Running and training with him, seeking him out to spar with.

Then shore leave happens and Grace is convinced to go to 79 by some other clones.

She isn't sure she- a jedi- would be welcome but she goes.

She feels awkward at first, sitting and drinking and watching the men be themselves.

Eventually he downs a shot(or 8) and asks her to dance with him.

It's all over the place, lots of twirling and spinning and she almost smacks several people with her lekku.

When their dancing and they have to get real close because of it, they almost kiss but grace pulls away at the last seconds

She pulls away because Jedi and emotions and she doesn't know what to do.

Jesse is freaking out because holy fuck he's in love with one of their Jedi commands.

Kix is phased and thinks they're both idiots.

He gets the entirety of the company to start setting them up in shenanigans.

I'm talking about locking them in storage closest. Making them sit next to each other. Other nonsense Rex pretends he doesn't see.

Then umbara happens.

Grace - who wasn't there comes rushing back. Mad and concerned and afraid and all the things a Jedi shouldn't be.

She's thing and ranting and Jesse is just watching her Pace the medical room- kix left a while ago to check on everyone.

And finally he tosses is helmet to the ground pulls her in and kisses her. Tells her he's sorry if that's against her code but he might die tomorrow and he's not going to die without knowing what she tasted like.

Idk secret secret relationship happens that everyone pretends they don't know about.

Thank you for the ask, they were fun and I hope you enjoyed them. 😊

Tag list

@anxiouspineapple99 @dangraccoon @clonemedickix @sev-on-kamino @523rdrebel @secondaryrealm

#star wars #the clone wars #jedi oc #spidersona #cw Jesse #clone trooper jesse #clone trooper jesse x oc #oc x fennec Shand #fennec shand #oc headcanons #ask game #oc x canon

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velvet-cupcake-games · 2 years

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hospital au with marion as a new resident and geoffrey as the hot but abrasive with a heart of gold, House MD type chief of surgery NEOWWWW

Disclaimer: I know nothing about medicine. Nothing. My apologies and tremendous respect to any of you in the medical field. Just pretend this hospital works like this, because I'm sure I got it wrong.

I approached the intimidating office door, clasping my clipboard in a white-knuckle grip. It was like every other office door in the hospital, save for the nameplate at the side. Dr. Woodthorpe CHIEF OF SURGERY

He was known for eating residents alive, and I'd been avoiding direct contact with him. But my luck had run out. I'd been summoned for a conference with the man, though I had no idea why.

Taking a deep breath, I knocked with as much confidence as I could muster. He was known to ignore a half-hearted knock.

"Enter."

Good. I hadn't been judged half-hearted yet. I pushed open the heavy door.

He sat behind his desk with a regal demeanor, as though he were some sort of Medieval feudal lord. The man was distressingly handsome, with Grecian features, piercing slate grey eyes, and sleek raven-black hair that brushed his shoulders. It was too bad about his personality.

"Please sit."

I pulled out a chair, the metal legs sliding against the tile floor with a horrifying screech. He didn't move a muscle until I was seated and giving him my best friendly smile. He did not smile in return. He merely pulled out a file. My file.

"Dr. Marion Glastonbury. Exemplary academic record. Excellent patient care feedback."

His fingers tapped the relevant sections on the paperwork as he spoke. I waited in silence for the other shoe to drop.

"But there have been complaints, have there not?"

"I... I am not always known for showing adequate respect to authority figures, sir."

Not that I wanted to antagonize this particular authority figure. I had an unfortunate temper, but I wasn't stupid.

He huffed slightly. Was it in exasperation or amusement? His countenance was so stern that I couldn't quite tell.

"Let's see... did you indeed tell Dr. McGillis that he lacked the requisite body parts to make proper pain management decisions in gynecology?"

"He was routinely under-dosing the patients and wouldn't listen to them. Or me."

"I myself lack a left tibia, fibula, and multitudinous foot bones that you no doubt memorized in your first year of medical school, not long ago. Should I be banned from tending to all patients with two biological legs?"

I squirmed in discomfort.

"Of course not. But you know the research shows that cisgender male doctors regularly underestimate uterine pain."

"True, though I'd have recommended taking that complaint through proper channels, Dr. Glastonbury."

His finger tapped down to the next complaint.

"I see you also informed a visiting proctologist that he ought to, and I quote, 'take his misogyny and stick it where the sun don't shine?'"

His lips quirked slightly. Was he trying not to laugh?

"He refused to stop calling the patient 'Doll' after she repeatedly asked him not to. I'll note that I saved that comment for when we were out of patient earshot."

I hoped he would be impressed by my forbearance.

"Inadvisable, either way."

I supposed that hope was in vain.

"And last but most certainly not least, you... pretended to be under demonic possession in front of a priest who was visiting a patient in the recovery room? I must admit, I am dying to learn more about this particular incident."

Oh gods. I didn't think that one had made it into the records.

"Well you see, the patient had a workplace accident, and he forgot he'd listed his mom as his emergency contact. She joined a cult last year, and he's gay, and she's been dying for the chance to let one of their shady practitioners at him, and-"

"To the point, please," he interrupted me.

"Ah yes, so uh, I'd buzzed security, but they were taking a while to respond. So in order to distract them and protect the patient I, ah, improvised?"

I hated how my voice had swooped upward at the end of that sentence, but Dr. Woodthorpe's dispassionate stare was starting to get to me.

"I... see."

He was silent for a moment, so I worked up the courage to find out what exactly was going on here.

"Doctor, may I ask a question?"

"You know my policy on questions."

"I may ask anything as long as it's not imbecilic, yes. I... well... Why am I here discussing my complaints record with you? You're not HR."

"That's an acceptable query."

He stood and strolled over to my side of the desk. Or was it stalked? He had a predatory feline grace to him, and I tried not to let it affect me. He propped his hip up against the desk, placing his weight on his right leg, and crossed his arms as he looked down at me.

"Quite simple. I want you."

"You... what?" I squeaked.

"Would you consider a transfer from a GP residency into surgery?"

Of course that's what he meant. It's not like he was about to ask me for a quick shag in the supplies closet. This wasn't Grey's Anatomy, and that would certainly call for a trip to HR, and... wait. What?

"But... you didn't seem to, ah, approve of the actions in my file..." I stammered once I was able to get my mouth moving again.

"I do not. But you are a highly intelligent, creative, and passionate practitioner. The first we have an excess of, here in surgery. The second, we rather lack. And the third, as you are learning, is a double-edged sword."

"Though perhaps as your mentor I might help steer your passionate patient advocacy into more productive channels, complicit with hospital policy?"

I was sure my face was flaming hot with embarrassment at that point. But this was an incredible opportunity, even if my future was in the hands of one stupid-handsome, obnoxiously rule-following, incredibly strict but talented chief of surgery. Plus, I had the distinct feeling that he'd saved me from that trip to Human Resources...

"All right." I spoke before I could talk myself out of it. "I'll do it."

"Excellent." He reached over and closed my file with a crisp snap. "The paperwork is with Williams in Admin. I will see you at 4am tomorrow in the surgical theatre on floor 3." That was a clear dismissal. I thanked him and scooted out of the chair, in a hurry to get out of there. "Oh, and Dr. Glastonbury?" I paused and looked back, my hand almost on the door handle.

"Absolutely nobody will be calling anybody 'Doll' on my watch." Was that... a smile? His face transformed from stupid-handsome to unbelievably, inappropriately handsome.

I coughed lightly and ejected myself from the room. What was I getting into?

#made marion #story prompt #modern au

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medicetwork · 2 years

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How the mercs found out they were gay Pt.1

These are my own headcanons about how the mercs found out they were gay. They’re all gay asf and if you dont think so that’s gay erasure-

Medic:

He always knew he was a little different, in more ways than one. It didn’t take long for him to learn that he favored men over women. He never felt bad about himself, not even with the knowledge that it could get him killed if he made that fact about himself known. He’s proud of who he is, and always has been. Always will be.

Many a homophobe has gone missing by his hand.

Sniper:

He doesn’t remember when he realized he liked men, if he had to guess it was some time in his late teens. He doesn’t care what any one really think of it. Why are they so worried about what goes down in his bedroom? Weirdos. The problem lies with this parents. It’s just another thing for this to be on his case about- not in a hateful way but being asked when he’s going to settle down with a wife and kids because they “forgot” he was gay again is very tiring.

Soldier:

I hc that Soldier lost his memory and went crazy after a very serious car accident. In addition, before the accident and memory loss he had no interest in men but in recent years- more specifically after starting work with Mann.Co. He’s realized he’s bisexual. Or pansexual? GODDAMN IT HE DOESN’T HAVE TIME FOR ALL THESE COMMIE LABELS. It was mostly after living with all these other men that he realized he may have a thing for other men. He went to medic thinking it was some kind of illness causing him to stutter and get hot whenever Demoman walked by but after some reassurance and explanation he realized it’s perfectly normal.

30 minutes after that conversation he proposed to Demoman.

Engie:

Engie comes from Texas and was raised by christians with strong family values. Their ideal family was a nuclear family with a white picket fence and cute puppy dog. Wife, husband, kids. That’s it. But somewhere into his college years he…made some decisions and one thing led to another and he had a boyfriend for a short time. Redhead guy that he sat next to in math club. He was cute and funny and oh my god what will mama think? They only lasted like 5 months before the redhead realized he didn’t like men as much as he once thought and that was that.

Engie has never told anyone that he’s gay, not his family and will only tell friends if they ask. This being said, he isn’t ashamed of himself he just doesn’t want to deal with the fallout this might cause between him and his family. So he’s Dell, The perfectly straight straightman that loves women and totally didn’t just kiss that Spy.

Heavy:

His realization is probably the most recent besides one other. He realized he was gay when he and Medic became friends. He can’t even describe why he loves the doctor so much but he does, more than he’s loved anyone besides his family. In Russia he would probably be in serious danger but he’s not there and he’s not going back any time soon. Luckily, his family doesn’t mind this. His sisters were very excited to learn he’d found someone he loved and are already making them marriage arrangements.

Spy:

Spy found himself having a strange attraction to the other boys in spy training when he was a young lad. He never thought much of it, he never acted on it and he kept it to himself. It wasn’t a fact about himself that he thought ever mattered. He has a job to do. In recent years he’s acted on it, had one night stands and flirted in male strip clubs and even has a few old friends that are drag queens. He doesn’t have pride for who is he but it’s only because he doesn’t think it matters all that much.

Many homophobes have died by his hand.

#team fortress 2 #tf2 solly #tf2 heavy #tf2 medic #tf2 pyro #tf2 spy #tf2 engineer #tf2 demoman #tf2 scout #tf2 sniper

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formulinos · 2 years

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someone just recommended portrait of a lady on fire and i have the funniest story to tell (very minor spoilers?)

so, as you all know, i had chikungunya in 2019 and that led me to a hospital stay and ever since my life has been hell because it was the trigger to my fibromyalgia. while now i’m functional and besides in times of pain crisis i can like… live, back in 2019 was a very different picture and i spent most of the second semester in bed basically.

there is a film festival where i’m from that was going to show a few movies i really wanted to see, and that included obviously portrait of a lady on fire which was a must for me because wlw. i couldn’t take long distance trips even to change neighbourhoods, so we had to go for a 22:00 showing in our own. it was ok bc the cinema was in a shopping mall and we could go grab some hambagas before. i was super grateful bc it was my first time going out for entertainment since my illness. my mom was also super hyped bc it was her first time attending an lgbtqia+ even as a gay ally (she became one after watching orange is the new black). we were DOWN for it.

when the movie is about to start, my medication alarm rings. i was at the time using two different meds: corticoids once a day in a fucked up high dose, for the control of the acute inflammatory state my whole body was in, and paracetamol + codeine every 8 hours, for the control of the acute pain state my whole body was in. now, i don’t know if you guys ever messed with opioids, i wouldn’t wish it even to the williams garage. the thing is that it makes your brain’s capacity of caring log off and your body becomes like a heavy mush. you get sleepy and you’re not really able to move, but you’re still able to feel the pain, so it’s just like a psychological way of making the pain bearable until your brain zaps back to “i understand what pain means” mode and you go back to aching. also, you pee a lot once the effect starts to get weaker. i understand that in higher doses you stop feeling the pain, but i didn’t want the risks that come with it. i still, in fact, take the same medication now but my illness is relatively controlled so i only take it when i have crisis episodes, which is rare but it happens.

i took the medication while the trailers were on and normally it starts kicking in 30 min later, and boy did it kick. i go mush right at the beginning and usually, the next two hours it peaks before it starts to drop, the whole process takes around 6 hours i think? anyway. it’s not a spoiler what i’m about to say, just a fact. portrait of a lady on fire is a french artsy film, and with it, it makes artsy choices. there are long periods of silence, whispered dialogues, long, long shots of nature and fireplaces crackling, etc. as i’m watching it, i keep feeling more and more sleepy and mushy. i’m still aware of things however, and the truth hits me in a terrible manner: the movie is mid. it’s not bad, but it’s overrated. mid. i start feeling REALLY shit because i wanted to enjoy a movie i was highly anticipating as an oasis in the middle of the desert of shit my life was but instead i was overfixating on the fact that for the first time i saw a lesbian movie i didn’t like. i was also super ashamed as a letterboxd bro. and i was fucking zonked out on codeine at 10:30 pm in an uncomfortable movie seat. but then the absolute dread hit. if i didn’t enjoy it when the movie was tailor made for me, then my 50 year old-just found out about the gays-dyslexic-ADHD mom would probably…. oh god oh fuck. she was snoring beside me.

at this moment i’m fully panicking like this is hell i want the sweet embrace of death or better, just to go home. with what little strength i have i wake my mom up and ask for help, she goes in full panic mode bc she thinks i’m having an episode that the medication didn’t take care of and so she says “we’re going now”. she takes me by my arm, we get some balance and when we’re about to get up… they kiss.

my mom is like “fuck we can’t leave now. they’re gonna think we’re homophobes”. i’m like “it’s not that serious no one will care i’m feeling bad” and mom is like “take a look around”. literally only film bros and/or gay people. we were gonna end up looking like homophobes if we left and my mom would be dead before laura prepon and natasha lyonne somehow found out about it after seeing a video go viral of us being called homophobes by an entire movie theatre. so we stayed.

for the last whole hour of the movie mom would just drift in and out of sleep while i’d quietly mourn what was supposed to be one of my favourite movies ever. the movie was over and it legit took us 15 minutes to leave bc at that point i was Mega Mush and could barely stand up. my mom still doesn’t know the story but whenever she talks about it she says “their love was beautiful”. yeah mom of course it was.

i have since rewatched it and while i no longer have the panic and admit it was better than the codeine state of pain i was in, i still think it’s a bit mid. but if any straight man asks me, i say it’s the best movie of 2019. they don’t need to know.

#sorry for the lack of cut

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howlingday · 2 years

Text

Scout Ruby is looking at Pyra Porno

Weiss: Ruby, what in the Brothers' names is Guy-ra?

Ruby: What do you mean?

Weiss: (Pinches the bridge of her nose) Why have I just seen a picture of Pyra with a massive dick?

Ruby: I don't know what you're talking about, but it isn't me!

Weiss: You fucking dunce; it's on your computer, you dumb bitch!

Ruby: Nuh-uh! I don't have a computer!

Weiss: (Points at the labelled computer) There's a giant sticker on the tower that says "Ruby Rose Rules!"

Ruby: It's fake!

Weiss: It's not fucking fake, you stupid dunce! You let me borrow your computer!

Ruby: Yeah, so what?

Weiss: ...What do you mean, "so what?" you horny slut? It's two fucking terabytes, you degenerate!

Ruby: Okay, I see what you're talking about, but I'm not a little girl. I can have this kind of stuff.

Weiss: That's besides the fucking point, you dolt! You have to work with Pyra! Every! Fucking! Day!

Ruby: I don't see the issue here.

Weiss: Is your brain fucking broken? Do you have any sense of fucking dignity?!

Ruby: I do, but-

Weiss: NO BUTS!

Nora: (Walks in with Yang) What's going on in here?

Yang: OH MY GOD! WHAT IN ZWEI IS THAT SHIT?! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU KIDS LOOKING AT?!

Ruby: It's not what it looks like!

Nora: (Picks up the phone) MEDIC!

Weiss: Oh no...

Ruby: Don't get Jaune!

Jaune: (Walks in, Holding phone to his ear) You rang?

Yang: Ruby and Weiss are looking at Pyra pornography!

Jaune: Ruby and Weiss are gay?

Ruby: Don't make assumptions!

Weiss: What?!

Jaune: No need to get defensive; we all know Pyrrha is a woman.

Weiss: Wait, what?!

Ruby: OH MY GOD!

Jaune: Wait, you do know that Pyrrha is a woman, right?

Ruby: Obviously not!

Weiss: Can't you tell by our fucking expressions?!

Jaune: Well, I'm not a psychologist!

Ruby: What's a psychologist?

Weiss: We're mercenaries, and you're not even a fucking shrink?!

Ruby: Oh, a shrink!

Jaune: Well, to be perfectly honest, I'm not even a real doctor.

Ruby: What?!

Weiss: (Groans) What do they even pay you for?

Ren: (Pokes his head in) What is everyone shouting about?

Jaune: We are all looking at Pyrrha pornography.

Weiss: (Reaches to strangle Jaune)

Ren: (Sighs) I knew I shouldn't have asked. I've already had enough of Nora's shit. (Walks away)

Nora: Ren, wait up! (Skips after him)

Ruby: Jaune, I wasn't looking at it!

Jaune: Whatever you say.

Weiss: Will everyone shut the fuck up?! Can we talk about the real problem here?

Penny: Salutations!

Weiss: Dust damn it...

Penny: Our Sniper and Soldier informed me of the gathering here. (Looks at the computer) What is this?

Yang: Guy Pyrrha.

Penny: I see. Why is she equipped with a large phallus?

Weiss: She has a big dick?

Penny: Indeed.

Jaune: Ruby was choking the chicken!

Ruby: I don't think that's the right term, and no, I wasn't!

Penny: Scout, according to the top result of my search, while having others observe your masturbation cycles is not uncommon, it is ill-advised to invite close friends or co-workers to observe.

Ruby: That's not what happened! Weiss found it on my computer, and-

Weiss: SO IT WAS YOUR COMPUTER!

Penny: Scout, if you are experiencing difficulties with finding a partner, perhaps you could seek advice from Spy. Heavy has commented on her being "quite the charmer."

Ruby: I tried! She gave me a bowl of noodles and told me to seduce her!

Yang: WHAT?! BLAKE!

Ruby: No! No more people!

Blake: (Drops from the ceiling) Why is everyone screaming? Are we dying again?

Yang: Blake, why did you ask my sister to seduce you?!

Blake: Oh, that? She needed help to ask out Oscar. It was one of the worst catastrophes I've ever seen. (Smiles) It was fucking hilarious.

Ruby: Blake, what the fuck?!

Blake: I'm not going to lie to them, Ruby. But what is happening here?

Jaune: Pyrrha pornography!

Blake: (Double thumbs up) Nice~.

Weiss: WHAT THE FUCK?!

#rwby #team fortress rwby au #team fortress 2 #tf2 #rwby au #weiss schnee #ruby rose #yang xiao long #jaune arc #lie ren #nora valkyrie #blake belladonna #penny polendina #mr laugh a lot

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bucky-hues · 3 years

Text

stucky fic recs

here are some stucky fic recs! as always, be sure to read the warnings for each fic <3

one shots

finding home | @thedamageofherdays

cap steve x modern bucky

After he is caught in a terrible rainstorm while hiking, Bucky is glad to find shelter at the cottage Steve shares with his daughter and his dog. Bucky ends up finding so much more than just a safe place to spend the night.

x | @dreadlockholiday

steve x bucky

Request: Bucky looking through a glossy magazine and saying something like "God, can you imagine being paid for just looking cute?" And without thought Steve replies, "you'd be a millionaire" and Bucky just blushes furiously while Steve's all like 😳 *oh no, I just said that out loud*

x | @dreadlockholiday (18+)

steve x bucky

Bucky finds his BFF Steve's sketchbook... and it's full of nothing but sketches of Bucky... naked.

sweethearts | @musette22

steve x bucky

Steve confesses his feelings to Bucky using sweethearts

my moon, my man | @musette22 (18+)

steve x bucky (modern au)

AU meet-cute. Strangers on a Train, but with less murder and more sexual tension.

make it till you fake it | AggressiveWhenStartled (AO3)

steve x bucky

“Ned,” Peter said, like a drowning man sighting land. “Ned. Captain America and the Winter Soldier are fake dating right now and it is the most painfully awkward and obvious thing I have ever seen, all of us want to die, Ned.”

things my heart used to know | Nightwing11 (AO3)

steve x bucky

In a world where soulmates can communicate telepathically with their partners, Steve Rogers has always had Bucky Barnes with him, a calming voice in a sea of turmoil. And, when Bucky falls off the train during World War II, Steve experiences deafening silence for the first time.

Now, after crashing a plane in the Arctic to save the world and being frozen for 70 years, Steve’s still trying to figure out how to live without Bucky there. His new friends are trying to help him adjust, to move on. And he thought he was doing better, he really did.

So, why is he suddenly hearing Bucky’s voice again?

catfish | @buckmebxrnes (18+)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Steve Rogers is a famous movie star, known for his role as Captain America. Bucky Barnes is a bored law student who drinks too much wine. Bucky gets on match.com to boost his confidence. What he doesn't expect is a guy using Steve Rogers' pictures on a dating profile. Bucky decides to mess with the guy. After all, what idiot uses Steve Rogers' pictures on a dating site?

Not like it's really him, right? Bucky may need more wine.

let's go have fun | @sebastanbucky

steve x bucky

“Nat wanted me to-” Nat clears her throat and he rolls his eyes. “I wanted to tell you something.” He looks at Steve with a look he hopes says ‘play along’. “Okay. What did you want to tell me?” Bucky has to take a deep breath to keep from laughing again, it helps with his performance as Nat nods encouragingly at him. “I’m gay.” He says, making his voice sound shaky and weak.

the way you came around | sokaless (AO3)

steve x bucky

After a while, Bucky says, “You know, this song sounds like it was written for you.” “That's funny,” Steve remarks. “I chose it because it reminded me of you.” Steve gives Bucky an iPod full of his favourite songs from the 21st century to help him deal with his nightmares. Bucky has a new mission- to find out who Steve is in love with, because there are a few too many unrequited love songs on that iPod.

stuck on you | wearing_tearing (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

“Bucky? You don’t look so hot.”

Bucky makes a tiny little sound in the back of his throat, only to start coughing. Of course he doesn’t look hot. He’s sick and he’s dying and Steve obviously isn’t attracted to him.

you have the place next to my place | justanotherStonyfan (AO3)

cap steve x modern bucky

prompt: “We live in adjacent apartments and our bedrooms are on opposite sides of a very thin wall and one night I heard you crying and talked to you through the wall” AU

Captain America helps the Vet next door.

you’ve got (30) new matches | williamkaplans (AO3)

steve x bucky

When everyone finds out Steve's bi thanks to Bucky's recovering memories, Natasha kicks up her match-making into high gear. Steve has zero luck, but Natasha won't give up, especially when Sam (jokingly) suggests online dating. It isn't long before Steve finds someone, a someone who seems eerily familiar.

perfectly right wrong number | melonbutterfly (AO3)

cap steve x modern bucky

It all starts because Steve is too dumb to handle his smartphone.

A wrong number AU in which Bucky Barnes doesn't enter Steve's life (meaning: Bucky wasn't born until the eighties, but Steve is still Captain America) until Steve accidentally dials the wrong number. Wherein there is a lot of texting, some advice via Natasha and Darcy, a bit of pining, and a first date in an amusement park. Oh, and on top of being a disabled veteran, Bucky is a professional catwalker. Literally.

put your number in my phone | MacksDramaticShenanigans (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Steve tucks his phone back into his pocket and turns back to the computer. He only has to click a few times before he finds the link to the questionnaire and opens it, inputting the participant number before hitting next. The beginnings of the consent form fills the page, and all Steve has left to do now is wait for the participant— one James Barnes, according to the website— to show up.

Thankfully, Steve doesn’t end up having to wait very long. James Barnes shows up ten minutes early and knocks on the door before cracking it open and peeking in.

“Oh, hi,” he says, when he spots Steve sitting at the desk. He pushes the door open all the way and steps into the room just as Steve spins in the chair to face him.

“Um, I’m, uh, a bit early, but I’m here for the decision making study,” James continues, clear blue eyes flickering around the room before landing on Steve again. The skin between his eyebrows crinkles up a little, and god, Steve probably shouldn’t find his uncertainty as cute as he does. “Am I in the right place?”

wouldn’t it be nice | MacksDramaticShenanigans (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

"You are never going to believe what just happened," Bucky bemoans, shaking his head. He's at Steve's side in a moment and doesn't bother to give any warning before he dramatically falls into Steve's lap. Steve just barely manages to save his book from getting squashed.

"What is it?" Steve asks, matching Bucky's dramatic tone. "What am I not going to believe?"

"I just got off the phone with Natasha," he starts. "She cancelled on me!" Bucky throws his arms up, nearly smacking Steve in the face in the process.

Steve carefully places his hand on Bucky's forearm and lowers it away from his face.

"You're kidding," he says, a frown curving onto his lips at the news.

"I wish I was," he sighs. Bucky presses his lips together into a disappointed line and deflates against the back of the couch, slinking down Steve's thighs a little. "Who goes to Coney Island alone? How pathetic is that?"

Steve snorts, earning a glare from Bucky, and pats Bucky's thigh. "Aw, don't be such a sourpuss, Buck," he says. "Who said anything about going alone?"

all jokes aside | darksknight (AO3)

steve x bucky

"Before we know it Banner’s gonna be makin’ insinuations.” (Everyone "jokes" about Steve and Bucky being in a relationship until, eventually, they admit that they are.)

barnes & rogers and the goddamn truth

steve x bucky (teacher au)

There are three well-known facts at Shield High:

1. The history teacher Mr. Barnes is a stone-cold terror, and it’s not even because he only has one arm. 2. The other history teacher, Mr. Rogers, is a mysterious enigma, and it’s something to do with the body of a Greek God and contradicting stories of his past. (They’re all rumours, anyway.) 3. Mr Barnes and Mr Rogers hate each other.

Bucky wouldn’t have it any other way.

in the shadows | DragonWannabe (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky

Five times they thought they were almost caught, one time someone found out, and one time they didn't have to hide.

OR:

Bucky and Steve grew up in a time when people like them went to jail.

single and looking | Jaiden_S (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky

"Bucky held his place with his index finger and turned the magazine over to check the date on the cover. It was brand new, just out this month. An unexpected cord of anxiety tightened in Bucky’s chest. Single and looking? Frantically, he flipped back to the article. What exactly was Steve looking for? According to the article, Steve’s dream girl should be intelligent, altruistic, well-versed in current events and have a wicked sense of humor. Oh, and he had a thing for high heels and red lipstick. Bucky’s stomach churned as he re-read the article. Was that really what Steve wanted? Make-up and stilettos?"

A slightly sappy tale of two utterly besotted super-soldiers who excel at miscommunication.

these american dreams (ain’t no white picket fences left for me) | kariye (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky

In which Bucky has a house, a dog, an herb garden, and a serious case of insomnia. Welcome to Havensport, Indiana (population 8,294), where Tom’s Neighborhood Grocer stays open all night, little old ladies call the car shop to get their refrigerators repaired, and the heat of summer days and the length of summer nights can make you think that this perfect world will last forever.

i’ve been careless with a delicate man | paraxdisepink (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky

Steve lets SHIELD think he and Bucky were boyfriends so they’ll let him see the Winter Soldier in medical.

knock on wood | 74days (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Steve Rogers lives a quiet, steady life, until his next door neighbour moves in and starts having incredibly energetic sex every night. All Steve wants is for him to move his bed away from the wall so the damn headboard doesn't knock a hole through his wall.

progressively bigger keys | spinawren (AO3)

steve x bucky

“A very little key will open a very heavy door.” ― Charles Dickens, Hunted Down

Steve and Bucky, it appears, have less need for a key and more use for a battering ram in trying to come out of the closet.

(The one where Steve tries to do one thing (one thing!) without causing a national ruckus, but the press are determined to see Bucky as Steve's best friend. And nothing more.)

stucky discover gay rights | Alicia_Borealis (AO3)

steve x bucky

“Then, why-” Steve stopped himself and looked at Bucky, who had tears rolling freely down his cheeks. “We’re- we’re not sick?”

“Wait, what?” Tony asked.

“Being a homosexual, it isn’t… wrong?”

The story of how Steve Roger's loved and lost Bucky, then how he got him back and then how he realised he was allowed to love him after all.

thursday nights with bucky barnes | Ellessey (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Steve has a comfortable, well-worn routine for his Thursday nights, until the old man who runs the laundromat breaks his hip.

Then Steve has Bucky instead.

to seek a nood-er world | jehans (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky

Send noodz

Steve has been staring at his phone for the last six minutes, eyes narrowed so much they’re almost closed at this point, trying to figure out what the hell Bucky means. Noodz? What the fuck are noodz?

Listen, Steve is at least marginally aware of modern pop culture. He’s heard of nudes — not that nudes are exactly a modern invention; artists have been creating them for millennia — and he does know that people tend to misspell words to be cute or funny. They did that when he was young, too. Because time is a flat circle, apparently.

But, wait—does that mean…?

No. Not possible. Bucky isn’t asking Steve to send him…nudes.

Right?

tied ‘round your throat | sleepypercy (AO3) (18+)

police officer steve x serial killer bucky

Steve's a small-town police officer trying to track a serial killer who's been in Steve's bed the whole time.

much tattoo about nothing | Deisderium (AO3) (18+)

cap steve x modern bucky

Steve Rogers gets a lot of email requests, but never one like this: James Barnes wants to use his healing factor to practice tattoos.

Turns out tattoos give Steve boners.

the perfect man | Ellessey (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Setting up a dating profile is decidedly not in Bucky's skill-set, but against all odds he manages to connect with someone who makes the one-night stand he thought he wanted feel like not nearly enough.

kiss me and take off your clothes | steveandbucky (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Steve Rogers is dared to send a dick pic to a blog which critiques dick pics (run by none other than Bucky Barnes). Hilarity ensues.

i can’t dare to dream about you anymore | steveandbucky (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Steve considers himself to be a pretty open-minded guy, which is why he can't quite understand why he feels so uncomfortable whenever he sees his gay roommate kissing guys. He's not homophobic, but how else can he explain the way his stomach twists at the sight?

It takes him a while to catch on.

exam room b | steveandbucky (AO3)

modern steve x nurse bucky

“Wait, what do you mean he asked for me?”

“He asked if the cute male nurse with the ponytail was working today. I assume he meant you.”

kickstart my heart | Kalee60 (AO3) (18+)

doctor steve x modern bucky

Bucky’s Wednesday wasn’t off to a great start. Not only did he wake up in a hospital with his annoyed best friend staring down at him, his treating Doctor just happened to be way too familiar, and the reason for that was slightly mortifying.

With misunderstandings in the air, a snarky nurse who is a pain in his butt and the ugliest neck brace known to man attached to his body. There was no way his Wednesday was ever going to improve. Could it?

you make me feel.. | kalika_999 (AO3) (18+)

cap steve x modern bucky

All Steve wanted was to take a breather, decompress after a mission and go out for a jog in the rain. He wasn't expecting to hide out in a bookstore filled with new and used books or that the employee that worked there thought he was an absolute loser and didn't even realize he was insulting Captain America.

nothing in the world that could stop it | rainbow_nerds (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Bucky just wanted to send his best friend a picture of his cat being an idiot while he was taking a bath. Was it really his fault for forgetting the full length mirror right opposite the tub?

rescue me and hold me in your arms | 74days (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Bucky is on the worst date of his life, and what he really needs of for this waitress to get the message he's sending her with his mind to rescue him. She doesn't, but she does send someone to extract him from a night of torture...

odd ways | peterbparker (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

“And it would have been an amazing night with my son if he wasn’t distracted by the hot guy on the other side of the room,” Sarah sighed, shaking her head. “He’s been looking over at you for the past fifteen minutes.”

Bucky choked on the mouthful of beer he had just taken.

“What?” he croaked. Things were starting to make a little more sense now.

“Right?” Sarah said, waving her hand towards her son. “He completely ignored my garden stories because he’s been making eyes at you so I decided to come over and introduce myself.”

series

rare is this love (keep it covered) | @musette22 (18+)

cap steve x modern bucky

It’s 2014. Captain America has been out of the ice for three years and is trudging along, saving the world and trying to get used to living in the future. Steve thinks he knows how the rest of his life is going to pan out – a life of duty, which he chose when he signed up to be Erskine’s science experiment. But then, he meets Bucky Barnes: the out-of-this-world-gorgeous mechanic and war vet, who turns Steve’s life upside down and makes him question everything he thought he knew. Slowly, Steve comes to realize there is more to life than duty and punching Nazis. Just one problem though: how on earth does a 96-year-old virgin who only just realized he may not be entirely straight make the transition from crush to relationship? Cue healthy amounts of self-doubt, awkward flirting, pretty blushing, existential crises, emotional growth, and maybe, possibly, a sexual awakening.

coming up easy | @musette22 (18+)

steve x bucky (modern au)

“Listen, I was just thinking,” Steve says, his face open, eyebrows raised in a tentatively hopeful expression. “Why don’t you come stay at my place for a while? I’ve got an office that I barely use, and a change of scenery might do you good, right? Help you beat that writer’s block?” With a crooked smile, he adds, “I promise I’m not a serial killer.”

While Bucky would normally crack a joke about how that’s exactly what a serial killer would say, right now, all he can do is blink at Steve in surprise, heart tripping over itself in his chest. Steve wants him to come and stay at his place. In Massachusetts. Just the two of them.

"Oh," Bucky croaks. "I- Wow."

“I mean, no pressure,” Steve says hastily. “Totally fine if you don’t wanna. I just thought I’d offer, in case it might help, y’know?”

“Yeah.” Bucky ignores the little voice in his head that sounds an awful lot Nat and Becca, telling him he’s setting himself up for heartbreak. “I mean, if you’re sure, that would be amazing.”

4 minute window | @cesperanza

steve x bucky

"Look, if they catch me," Bucky muttered, "they're either going to kill me or they're going to put me in a box with a little window and—Steve, I can't."

swapped | writeonclara (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

if u wanted my number u couldve just asked

u didnt have to steal my whole phone ;)

Steve stared down at his phone, confused. He didn't recognize the number – except, oh wait, he really did. That was his number. On his phone.

He flipped the phone over, then slid one hand down his face. Not his phone.

“Fuck,” he muttered.

[stupid fucking] brooklyn hipster bros | relenaflanel (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Bucky's mother gives him an ultimatum. Bucky doesn't respond well.

All Barneses are stubborn assholes, Steve observes, as though he doesn't see the irony of calling someone else stubborn. Or an asshole.

And Bucky can't even deny he is a total asshole for lying to his mother about dating Steve just so he doesn't have to bring someone else to her wedding, but damn if he's not going to give the lie everything he has.

brought to brightness | eyres (AO3)

cap steve x modern bucky

Army veteran Bucky Barnes has fallen in love with Steve, a guy he met online a few months after he returned from Afghanistan. Only problem is, he doesn't know Steve's last name or even what he looks like.

When his sister helps him send his story into MTV's Catfish, he's hoping they can help him meet Steve or, at least, let him move on with his life if Steve isn't real. Little does he know, Steve and Captain America have more in common than just a first name.

slide to answer | relenaflanel (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

"What do I do?” Steve appealed into the phone. “I’m freaking out.”

There was silence on the other end of the line. It lasted so long that Steve pulled the receiver away from his ear and frowned at it. Pay phones were old. Maybe this one wasn’t working despite the obvious dial tone when he picked up.

“Ok,” a stranger’s voice said over the phone. “First acknowledge the fact that you dialed the wrong number, but be quick about it because my cab is a few blocks away from my own plans and I’m about to drop some truth bombs on you.”

how to woo the winter soldier | writeonclara (AO3)

steve x bucky

“I think I’m ready to date again,” Steve said.

“What,” Natasha said.

“What?” Clint said, lowering his binoculars. He blinked at the dumbstruck look on the Captain’s face, then followed his gaze to where he was staring dopily at—at the Winter fucking Soldier.

“Steve, no,” Clint groaned.

Or: Steve courts the Winter Soldier.

all these things that i’ve done | @not-withoutyou

steve x bucky

Steve was the patron saint of waiting too long. Bucky was atoning for his sins. Maybe they’d both been forsaken, abandoned by the light. Maybe they’d find a way back to each other again.

Post civil war, if things had gone differently.

find a way (to make it back home) | belwrites (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky (college au)

Fresh off a year abroad, Head Resident Assistant Steve Rogers finds his senior year of college to be full of changes, and he's not just talking about the growth spurt. He's more concerned with the fact that his best friend...isn't talking to him? Is dating his ex? May or may not be missing an arm?

In which Steve has no fucking clue what's going on, but he's trying, Bucky learns how to communicate with his best friend again, and everyone quietly panics about the future.

is it pretending if i already want you? | OhCaptainMyCaptain (AO3) (18+)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Based on prompt: Pretend Boyfriends AU where one of their families is always wondering why they're never in a relationship, so the other offers to pretend to be their boyfriend for some family event

the roommate | layersofart, Niitza (AO3)

cap steve x modern bucky

In which Steven G. Rogers, a.k.a. Captain America, gets a roommate. Who rapidly turns into his "roommate"—in the euphemistic sense of the word.

It takes SHIELD and the rest of the Avengers an absurd amount of time to notice.

dear mr. postman | odetteandodile (AO3)

steve x bucky (modern au)

Steve and Bucky revive an old friendship, get married (but totally just as friends, for reasons), and navigate a few of the many trials of the heart that come with falling in love with your best friend.

fate will play us out | steveandbucky (AO3) (18+)

cap steve x modern bucky

Bucky has landed himself a job with Stark Industries. He doesn't know yet that the job is actually being the PR manager for the Avengers.

Bucky has also started dating Steve Rogers. He also doesn't know yet that Steve is Captain America.

Bucky's life is about to get a whole lot more exciting.

the avengers hate club | notebooksandlaptops (AO3)

pop star steve x modern bucky

Bucky falls hopelessly for Steve and starts an Avengers hate club with the lead singer of the Avengers.

songbird | chicklette (AO3) (18+)

modern steve x musician bucky

At 43, James Barnes is a washed up old man. He’s got a dozen Grammys in the hall closet, an agent that can’t get him a deal, a decade-old case of writer’s block, a moody teen-aged daughter, and the gorgeous actress Natasha Romanova for an ex-wife. Well, one of them anyway. He’s a man who’s given up on finding joy in his life, and if it wasn’t for his kid, he’d have probably found a way to quit the world a long time ago.

Enter Steven Grant Rogers, struggling twenty-something, orphan, and someone who has no idea who Barnes is, other than some musician his mom liked a lot. The two men meet by accident, doing nothing more than passing the time in a quiet bar. But when a pap gets a shot of the two men embracing, Bucky takes it as a chance to finally come out as bisexual, and his agent makes him a proposition: Ten new songs and one very sweet boyfriend will get him a new record deal that will maybe, just maybe put him back on top.

Now all he has to do is write the songs, convince the kid, and not fall in love. Should be easy, right?

the right partner | LeeHan (AO3) (18+)

cap steve x ws bucky

Steve meets a beautiful man with a bright laugh on a sunny day in Italy. Captain America meets the elusive Winter Soldier moments later.

Date Bucky Barnes. Defeat the Winter Soldier. Bring down Hydra. How hard could it be?

#stucky fic #stucky fic recs #steve x bucky #steve rogers x bucky barnes #stucky #bucky barnes #steve rogers

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needs-to-stop-looking-at-valves · 3 years

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The North Water character review!!(1/1);

Henry Drax!!;

Henry fucking Drax. Aka, the man that first got me into this absolute hell. This man is literally the worst fucking person you’ve ever met. An alcoholic, impulsive, manipulative, aggressive, greasy, lewd, greasy murderer. And I love him, absolutely so much. The actor for him (Colin Farrell) did SUCH a good job making this man just an absolute shit stain on humanity, while still being pretty much the sexiest man I’ve ever seen. But actor aside, I really admire how Drax is just genuinely such a charming guy, and he uses that when he murders people. It’s so easy to trust him, and he ABUSES that trust. It’s a man that just, refuses to die, like a sexy cockroach. I love him, he’s awful, sexy and SUCH a quick wit,10/10 fuck you guys I can’t stand him, I think of him pretty much every fucking day-

Patrick Sumner!!;

The protagonist of the story. Sumner is the ship’s medic, and he does his job fairly well, even when he’s dealing with, like, his major drug addiction. Sumner is a GREAT foil for the rest of the grimy, dirty crew, given the fact that he isn’t as crude or rude. Is he perfect? Not in the slightest, but his moral compass contrasting with so many people (mainly Drax) is honestly a great way for the other characters to shine. I love Sumner when he’s WITH someone else, like Drax of Cavendish. But by himself? I’m not very interested in his character, and even the actor goes just a bit over the top sometimes. He’s a good foil character, but for the main character? Odd choice. At least. That's what I thought up until the final episode. I. LOVED how he ended up. The heavy symbolism used in his character arc, the way he reflects on everything towards the end of the book- GENUINELY the last episode made me think much more highly of him, like he ACTUALLY belongs as the main character. 9/10.

Michael Cavendish!!;

My SECOND favorite character in this series. The actor does a great job representing how he was from the book (and lowkey dude be fine as hell), and I appreciate Sam Spruell for that. Cavendish is as greasy and sleazy as Drax, only, he has just a BIT more of morals, which means he’ll take things pretty far, but not nearly as far as his friend, Drax. He’s still a fucking mean, foul, fucked up teeth looking bully though, and whenever him and Drax are on screen, they work SO well together (and ngl they’re like, SUPER gay together, in a real ‘bro’ kinda way). 10/10. Actor is perfect, the character is fucking perfect, I love him almost on par with Drax. Almost.

Otto!!;

The old, religious, kind bear of a whaler, Otto! Not only is he just the softest guy aboard, he’s @cursed-drivein-29’s favorite character. Otto doesn’t come up TOO much compared to other characters, but this man is honestly. So sweet. He acts as one of the guiding hands of the crew, and has such an honest faith in his God, it’s super endearing. Otto stayed and comforted Sumner till the very end, and I agree with Cursed’s thoughts on the matter; “Didn't deserve to freeze alone”. He ABSOLUTELY didn’t deserve that, and the fact that he embraced his death with open arms was honestly just. My heart hurts thinking about this one. 9/10. Would give 10/10 if he had more roles, but I love and respect this man. Would love for him to tuck me in like he did Sumner.

McKendrick!!;

The canon gay character both in the book and series, McKenderick is a soft character that deserved none of what he got. Not JUST his eventual death (everyone but Sumner dies, spoiler alert), but for being framed for Drax’s bullshit. Literally everyone was like ‘oh he’s gay, dude totally raped that other guy’. He didn’t deserve it, he is but a baby bear of a man that dresses like he’s visiting his in law’s for Christmas. 8/10, they treated him like garbage when all this man wanted was his JOB.

#reviews #not transformers #The North Water

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cruisingthedemimonde · 3 years

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America’s Gay Men in WW2

World War Two was a “National Coming Out” for queer Americans.

I don’t think any other event in history changed the lives of so many of us since Rome became Christian.

For European queers the war brought tragedy.

The queer movement began in Germany in the 1860s when trans activist Karl Ulrichs spoke before the courts to repeal Anti-Sodomy laws. From his first act of bravery the movement grew and by the 1920s Berlin had more gay bars than Manhattan did in the 1980s. Magnus Hirschfeld’s “Scientific Humanitarian Committee” fought valiantly in politics for LGBT rights and performed the first gender affirmation surgeries. They were a century ahead of the rest of the world.

The Nazis made Hirschfeld - Socialist, Homosexual and Jew - public enemy number one.

The famous image of the Nazis burning books? Those were the books of the Scientific Humanitarian Committee. Case studies of the first openly queer Europeans, histories, diaries - the first treasure trove of our history was destroyed that day.

100,000 of us were charged with felonies. As many as 15,000 were sent to the camps, about 60% were murdered.

But in America the war brought liberation.

In a country where most people never even heard the word “homosexual” , historian John D’emilio wrote the war was “conducive both to the articulation of a homosexual identity and to the more rapid evolution of a gay subculture. (24)” The war years were “a Watershed (Eaklor 68)”

Now before we begin I need to give a caveat. The focus of this first post is not lesbians, transfolk or others in our community. Those stories have additional complexity the story of cisgender homosexual men does not. Starting with gay men lets me begin in the simplest way I can, in subsequent posts I’ll look at the rest of our community.

Twilight Aristocracy: Being Queer Before the War

I want us to go back in time and imagine the life of the typical queer American before the war. Odds are you lived on a farm and simply accepted the basic fact that you would marry and raise children as surely as you were born or would die. You would have never seen someone Out or Proud. If you did see your sexuality or gender in contrary ways you had no words to express it, odds are even your doctor had never heard the term “Homosexual. In your mind it was just a quirk, without a name or possible expression.

In the city the “Twilight Aristocracy” lived hidden, on the margins and exposed their queerness only in the most coded ways. Gay men “Dropping pins” with a handkerchief in a specific pocket. Butch women with key chains heavy enough to show she didn’t need a man to carry anything for her. A secret language of “Jockers” and “Nances” “Playing Checkers” during a night out. There is a really good article on the queer vernacular here

And these were “Lovers in a Dangerous Time.”

In public one must act as straight as possible. Two people of the same gender dancing could be prosecuted. Cross dressing, even with something as trivial as a woman wearing pants, would run afoul of obscenity laws.

The only spaces we had for ourselves were dive bars, run by organized crime. But even then one must be sure to be circumspect, and act straight. Anyone could be an undercover cop. If a gaze was held to long, or lovers kissed in a corner the bar would be raided. Police saw us as worthy candidates for abuse so beatings were common and the judge would do all he could to humiliate you.

Now Michael Foucault, the big swinging french dick of queer theory, laid out this whole theory about how the real policing in a society happens inside our heads. Ideas about sin, shame, normalcy, mental illness can all be made to control people, and the Twilight Aristocracy was no different.

While cruising a park at night, or settled on the sofa with a lifelong lover, the thoughts of Priests and Doctors haunted them. “Am I living in Sin? Am I someone God could love?” “Is this healthy? Have I gone mad? Is this a true love or a medical condition which requires cure?”

There was no voice in America yet healing our self doubt, or demanding the world accept us as we are. And that voice, the socialist Harry Hay, did not come during the war, but it would come shortly after directly because of it.

Johnny Get Your Gun… And are you now or ever been a Homosexual?

For the first time in their lives millions of young men crossed thousands of miles from their home to the front.

But before they made that brave journey they had another, unexpected and often torturous journey. The one across the doctor’s office at a recruiting station.

In the nineteenth century queerness moved from an act, “Forgive me Father I have sinned, I kissed another man” to something you are, “The homosexual subspecies can be identified by certain physical and psychological signs.”

These were the glory days of patriarchy and white supremacy, those who transgressed the line between masculine and feminine called the whole culture into question. So doctors obsessed themselves with queerness, its origins, its signs, its so called catastrophic racial consequences and its cure.

“Are you a homosexual?” doctors asked stunned recruits.

If you were closeted but patriotic, you would of course deny the accusation. But the doctor would continue his examination by checking if you were a “Real Man.”

“Do you have a girlfriend? Did you like playing sports as a kid?”

If you passed that, the doctor would often try and trip you up by asking about your culture.

“Do you ever go basketeering?” he would ask, remembering to check if there was any lisp or effeminacy in your voice.

Finally if the doctor felt like it he could examine your body to see if you were a member of the homosexual subspecies.

Your gag reflex would be tested with a tongue depressor. Another hole could be carefully examined as well.

Humiliating enough for a straight man. But for a gay recruit the consequences could be life threatening.

Medical authorities knew homosexuals were weak, criminal and mad. To place them among the troops would weaken unit cohesion at the very least, result in treachery at the worst. In civilian life doctors had much the same thing to say.

The recruit needed a cure. And a doctor was always ready. With talk therapy, hypnosis, drugs, electroshock and forced surgeries of the worst kinds there was always a cure ready at hand.

Thankfully the doctors were not successful in their task, one doctor wrote “for every homosexual who was referred or came to the Medical Department, there were five or ten who never were detected. (d’Emilio 25)”

Here’s the irony though, by asking such pointed and direct questions to people closeted to themselves it forced them to confront their sexuality for the first time.

Hegarty writes, “As a result of the screening policies, homosexuality became part of wartime discourse. Questions about homosexual desire and behavior ensured that every man inducted into the armed forces had to confront the possibility of homosexual feelings or experiences. This was a kind of massive public education about homosexuality. Despite—and be-cause of—the attempts to eliminate homosexuals from the military, men with same-sex desires learned that there were many people like themselves (Hegarty 180)”

And then it gave them a golden opportunity to have fun.

The 101st Airborn - Homosocial and Homosexual

“Homosocial” refers to a gender segregated space. And they were often havens for gay men. The YMCA for example really was a place for young gay men to meet.

Now the government was already aware of the kind of scandalous sexual behaviour young men can get up to when left to themselves. Two major government programs before the war, the Federal Transient Program and the Civilian Conservation Corps focused on unattached young men, but over time these spaces became highly suspect and the focus shifted to helping family men so as to avoid giving government aid to ‘sexual perversion’ in these homosocial spaces.

But with the war on there was no choice but to put hundreds of thousands of young men in their own world. All male boot camps, all male bases, all male front lines.

The emotional intensity broke down the barriers between men and the strict enforcement of gendered norms.

On the front the men had no girlfriend, wife or mother to confide in. The soldier’s body was strong and heroic but also fragile. Straight men held each other in foxholes and shared their emotional vulnerability to each other. Gender lines began to blur as straight men danced together in bars an action that would result in arrest in many American cities.

Bronski writes, “Men were now more able to be emotional, express their feelings, and even cry. The stereotypical “strong, silent type,” quintessentially heterosexual, that had characterized the American Man had been replaced with a new, sensitive man who had many of the qualities of the homosexual male. (Bronski 152)”

Homosexual men discovered in this environment new freedoms to get close to one another without arousing suspicion.

“Though the military officially maintained an anti-homosexual stance, wartime conditions nonetheless offered a protective covering that facilitated interaction among gay men (d’Emilio 26)”

Bob Ruffing, a chief petty officer in the Navy described this freedom as follows, ‘When I first got into the navy—in the recreation hall, for instance— there’d be eye contact, and pretty soon you’d get to know one or two people and kept branching out. All of a sudden you had a vast network of friends, usually through this eye contact thing, some through outright cruising. They could get away with it in that atmosphere. (d’Emilio 26) ”

Another wrote about their experience serving in the navy in San Diego, “‘Oh, these are more my kind of people.’ We became very chummy, quite close, very fraternal, very protective of each other. (Hegarty 180)”

Some spaces within the army became queer as well. The USO put on shows for soldiers, and since they could not find women to play parts, the men often dressed in drag. “impersonation. For actors and audiences, these performances were a needed relief from the stress of war. For men who identified as homosexual, these shows were a place where they could, in coded terms, express their sexual desires, be visible, and build a community. (Bronski 148)”

“Here you see three lovely “girls”

With their plastic shapes and curls.

Isn’t it campy? Isn’t it campy?

We’ve got glamour and that’s no lie;

Can’t you tell when we swish by?

Isn’t it campy? Isn’t it campy?”

The words camp and swish being used in the gay subculture and connected to effeminate gay men.

I would have to assume, more than a few transwomen gravitated to these spaces as well.

Even the battlefield itself provided opportunities for gay fraternization. A beach in Guam for example became a secret just for the gay troops, they called it Purple Beach Number 2, after a perfume brand.

This homoerotic space was not confined to the military, but spilled out into civilian life as well.

Donald Vining was a pacifist who stated bluntly his homosexuality to the recruitment board as his mother needed his work earnings, and if you wanted be a conscientious objector you had to apply to go to an objector’s camp. He became something of a soldier chaser, working in the local YMCA and volunteering at the soldier’s canteen in New York he hooked up with soldiers still closeted for a night of passion but many more who were open about who they were.

After the war he was left with a network of gay friends and a strong sense of belonging to a community. It was dangerous tho, he was victim of robberies he could not report because they happened during hook ups, but police were always ready to raid gay bars when they were bored. “It was obvious that [the police] just had to make a few arrests to look busy,” he protested in his diary. “It was a travesty of justice and the workings of the police department (d’Emilio 30).״

Now it might seem odd he was able to plug into a community like that, but over the war underground gay bars appeared across the country for their new clientele. Even the isolated Worcester Mass got a gay bar.

African American men, barred from combat on the front lines, were not entirely barred from the gay subculture in the cities. For example in Harlem the jazz bar Lucky Rendevous was reported in Ebony as whites and blacks “steeped in the swish jargon of its many lavender costumers. (Bronski 149)”

The Other War: Facing Homophobia

“For homosexual soldiers, induction into the military forced a sudden confrontation with their sexuality that highlighted the stigma attached to it and kept it a matter of special concern (d’Emilio 25)”

“They were fighting two wars: one for America, democracy, and freedom; the other for their own survival as homosexuals within the military organization. (Eaklor 68)”

Once they were in, they fell under Article 125 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice: “Any person subject to this chapter who engages in unnatural carnal copulation with another person of the same or opposite sex or with an animal is guilty of sodomy. Penetration, however slight, is sufficient to complete the offense.”

Penalties could include five years hard labour, forced institutionalization or fall under the dreaded Section 8 discharge, a stamp of mental instability that would prevent you from finding meaningful employment in civilian life.

Even if one wanted nothing to do with fulfilling their desires it was still essential to become hyper aware of your presentation and behaviour in order to avoid suspicion.

Coming Home to Gay Ghettos

“The veterans of World War II were the first generation of gay men and women to experience such rapid, dramatic, and widespread changes in their lives as homosexuals. Bronski 154”

After the war many queer servicemen went on to live conventionally heterosexual lives. But many more returned to a much queerer life stateside.

Bob Ruffing would settle down in San Francisco. The city has always been a safe harbour for queer Americans, made more so as ex servicemen gravitated to its liberated atmosphere. The port cities of New York, San Francisco and Los Angeles became the prime destinations to settle. Vining’s partner joined him in New York, where they both immersed themselves in the gay culture.

Other soldiers moved to specific neighborhoods known for having small gay communities. San Francisco’s North Beach, the west side of Boston’s Beacon Hill, or New York’s Greenwich Village. Following the war the gay populations of these cities increased dramatically.

The cities offered parks, coffee houses and bars which became queer spaces. And drag performance, music and comedy became features of this culture.

These veterans also founded organizations just for the queer soldiers. In Los Angeles the Knights of the Clock provided a space for same sex inter racial couples. In New York the Veterans Benevolent Association would often see 400-500 homosexuals appear at its events.

A number of books bluntly explored homosexuality following the war, such as The Invisible Glass which tells the story of an inter racial couple in Italy,

“With a slight moan Chick rolled onto his left side, toward the Lieutenant. His finger sought those of the officer’s as they entwined their legs. Their faces met. The breaths, smelling sweet from wine, came in heavy drawn sighs. La Cava grasped the soldier by his waist and drew him tightly to his body. His mouth pressed down until he felt Chick’s lips part. For a moment they lay quietly, holding one another with strained arms.”

Others like Gore Vidal’s The City and the Pillar (1948), Fritz Peters’s The World Next Door (1949), and James Barr’s Quatrefoil (1950) explored similar themes.

In 1948 the Kinsey Report would create a public firestorm by arguing that homosexuality is shockingly common. In 1950 The Mattachine Society, a secretive group of homosexual Stalinists launched America’s LGBT movement.

References:

Michael Bronski “A Queer History of the United States”

John D’emilio “Coming Out Under Fire”

Vivki L Eaklor “Queer America: A GLBT History of America”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Lesbians

In 1947 General Eisenhower told a purple heart winning Sargeant Johhnie Phelps, “It's come to my attention that there are lesbians in the WACs, we need to ferret them out”.

Phelps replied, “"If the General pleases, sir, I'll be happy to do that, but the first name on the list will be mine."

Eisenhower’s secretary added “"If the General pleases, sir, my name will be first and hers will be second."

Join me again May 17 to hear the story of America’s Lesbians during the war.

#gay history #world war two #queer history #gay #lgbt

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magioftheseas · 3 years

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Take It Like A Man!!

Summary: An alternate scene in which Nidai does It to Matsuda in Chapter 26 of Super Danganronpa 2: Matsuda Yasuke’s Battle of Despair and Wits.

Rating: T+

Warnings: It’s suggestive. Also blood that was in the original fic. There’s specifically a nosebleed.

Notes: Y’all should’ve seen this coming. I don’t know how Nidai became a secondary love interest in this AU but he is one so he’s gonna get his own gay af bonus scene with Matsuda. It’s only fair. Sorry, Owari.

Read this fic among others HERE

Main story is HERE

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“KATSUUUUU!!!”

Owari took off in a dash towards him. Her arms spread out and she propelled herself forward with a leap. Matsuda quickly side-stepped out of the way, and she smashed into the ground.

“Oogh! Urgh!” Owari spat out dirt and grass. She rubbed at her face, voice coming out as a nasal whine. “The hell did you dodge for?! Dirty coward!”

“No,” Nidai said, laughing as he walked up. “Pretty smart on Matsuda’s part! With his frame, he would’ve just crumbled under ya! This is why dodging can be just as effective as throwing a punch! Letting gravity do all the work! Gwahaha!”

Owari let out a groan of frustration. “It’s so cowardly!”

“Sorry if having self-preservation counts as being cowardly,” Matsuda retorted. “Even though pride doesn’t mean shit on death’s bed.” He pauses, noticing the dribble of dark red down Owari’s lip and dripping off her chin onto her shirt. He grimaced, realizing. “You’re bleeding. Come on.”

Owari blinked up at his hand. A grin split her face and before Matsuda was able to fully register the fucking awful mistake he just made—she snatched his wrist and yanked him down, trapping him with a headlock as she furiously rubbed her fist to his hair.

“Shouldn’t have let down your guard, Katsuuuuu!”

Nidai laughed heartily at the sight. Matsuda decided that next time—fucking next time, he was just going to let Owari bleed out and leave her for dead. Especially if she was going to bleed on him. On the clean lab coat he just fucking put on.

He furiously smacked her arm and it probably hurt him more than it hurt him. She dropped him and he unceremoniously smacked into her lap as she cackled. Nidai lifted him up by the scruff of his coat and settled him back on his feet.

“It’s nice that you two are getting along,” he said as he dusted Matsuda off, cheerfully and willfully oblivious to Matsuda boiling with unrestrained ire. “That said, Owari you should go with him to get your nose bandaged. It’s important to take care of your body.” Pausing, he seems to notice Matsuda’s stiff shoulders and moves to squeeze them. “And Matsuda, you should let me do it.”

“You’re gonna do it with him, too?!” Owari exclaimed. “I thought I was special, old man!”

“Matsuda clearly NEEDS it!” Nidai bellowed back. “Do not be so SELFIIIIIIISH!!”

Yeah. Sure. Matsuda thought, twitching. Scream right next to my fucking ear. God. This is why I hate jocks.

Unfortunately, he was now in a situation where fleeing wasn’t an option. Another reason why jocks were the worst. Too dumb for emotional manipulation, too unyielding for any physical backlash from a guy who skipped every gym class to bury his nose in medical texts. There was basically no way of dealing with them.

Matsuda sighed loudly.

“Right. Anyway.” He shuddered when Nidai squeezed his shoulders again. This time had more of a damned effect, proving the power of those strong hands. Damn that meathead. “I have—places to be. I’m going to the pharmacy so I can bandage up the rabid chick’s nose in the meantime if...” Another squeeze. Matsuda bit his tongue to muffle any responding groan before smacking Nidai’s hand. “Stop that! I... Urgh...”

Inventory is important... Inventory... Inventory...

“Will you come back and let me do it?” Nidai asked with utmost seriousness. Hating himself for feeling his face get hot, Matsuda bit down harder on his tongue.

I did get some lotion from the MonoMono Machine...

He really did get all kinds of weird fucking items. Particularly the lotion in question with its tacky bottle and perverse branding. For rubbing aaaaaaaall over your bear body, upupupu. Something like that. He would’ve tossed it on that offense alone, but it was actually pretty high-quality lotion...

And wouldn’t it feel really nice?

“I guess...there are bandages in my cottage...” He ended up mumbling. “But I still gotta go to the pharmacy...”

“Bwahaha!” Nidai patted his back. “Then you’ll go after! For now... To your place, YEAH?! MATSUDAAAAA?!”

Owari was fuming at him, cheeks an impressive shade of red considering the blood still flowing from her nose.

“Yeah,” Matsuda croaked, electing to just ignore her. “My place.”

Well. They were in his cottage and he did get the first aid kit for Owari first thing, but—it was feeling a bit crowded. And he didn’t have a door for his bathroom. He shouldn’t give a damn, he really shouldn’t but...

“Owari, you don’t mind stepping out, right?” Nidai asked gruffly, cracking his knuckles. “The point of it is to get Matsuda to relax. It’d be better if we were alone.”

Owari sighed heavily, pinching her nose as she did.

“I gueeeeeeeeess.”

Still huffy, she still tossed them once last glare before heading to the door. She slammed the door shut hard enough to rattle the hinges. She almost fucking broke it.

Matsuda fumed next except Nidai clapped his hand down on his shoulder. He jumped, staring up stupidly at Nidai’s grinning face.

“Let’s get started. Now!” He bellowed, “STRIIIIIIIIIP!!!”

“She can still hear you,” Matsuda hissed, but he shed his coat anyway. Annoyance couldn’t compete with his resolve and now that he had Nidai in his cottage, he’d be fucking damned if he didn’t see it to the end. “Just don’t shout so fucking much. We can be professionals about this.”

Nidai chortled, but that fire in his gaze burned and burned as Matsuda undressed. Tie. Dress shirt. Pants. Nidai’s gaze swept his frame, but that was an inferno that Matsuda wasn’t going to get caught in right now.

Even if he still felt a little flustered about it as he went to lie down face first on the bed. Only in his underwear. He heard the rustling of Nidai taking off his own jacket.

“There’s lotion in my coat pocket,” Matsuda mumbled before he forgot. “It’s hard to miss. Shaped like a certain shitty bear.”

Nidai harrumphed but he dug out the lotion anyway. He inhaled sharply.

“Ah! This is GOOD stuff! Owari likes it a lot!” Nidai sounded very, very fucking pleased. “Alright, Matsuda! The road to a brand new world is gonna be SLICK!”

Brand new world, huh? He listened to the bottle being popped open. He felt goosebumps rise on his skin despite the temperature being the same as always. It wouldn’t be the first fucking time he was almost naked like this. Unfortunately, it was impossible to pretend that this was just like any physical.

“This your first time?” Nidai asked, and Matsuda doesn’t have to look to know he’s coming closer. He can hear it in those heavy steps. “Has anyone else ever had ya like this?”

It’s not helped by Nidai almost whispering for once. As if he had to be careful with the weight of each word.

“Don’t think so,” Matsuda grumbled. “I’ve just never really have the time.”

Why the fuck am I so embarrassed about this?

He tries not to flinch when the bed dipped significantly under Nidai’s weight. He forced himself to calm the fuck down when he felt Nidai’s smooth, slick hands on his back.

“No good,” Nidai growled. “You need to take time out for yourself.”

Nidai’s thumbs pressed hard into a knot just under his shoulder blades. Matsuda muffles a yelp and he wonders if he should grab a pillow or something—except that isn’t going to fucking work because his body needs to be straight and flat. Dammit.

Nidai worked down his spine and he was helpless. Each twinge was strange, but he still loosened under the ministrations, relaxing more and more. Sparks of pleasure had him groan in relief, and he wasn’t even bothered by the weird ‘ratatata’s being grumbled under Nidai’s breath.

“You like it, don’t you?” Nidai asked, voice low and husky. “Now you won’t be able to live without it.”

God, he’s so fucking ridiculous.

So much so that Matsuda can’t help but laugh.

“Do you have any idea how you fucking sound right now?” He almost chokes on a sudden purr when Nidai kneads his lower back. “Fuck, that feels really nice.”

Sometimes, he can’t help but be a hypocrite, sighing and humming in a way that was almost obscene. He felt himself quiver with a particularly deep press into his nape, and Nidai chuckled softly under his breath.

“That’s it. Feel the POWER of the Ultimate Masseur, NIDAI NEKOMARUUUUU!!!”

“Stop yelling, keep massaging,” Matsuda snapped. He sighed again when Nidai didn’t halt in rubbing down the knots in his shoulders. “Oh fuuuuck, that’s it...”

With each knot kneaded out, it was a lifetime of stress melting away. He could’ve dozed off like this and indeed, he did give in a little and for once in his life, he just—stopped—thinking.

After a while, his eyes fluttered open. Nidai’s hands weren’t on him anymore, but he still felt the other’s weight situated on the corner of the bed. Pushing himself up, Matsuda did in fact feel his body much easier to move. Looser, even. He stretched with a soft whine, and—there. A flinch. From the other party.

When he turned, Nidai flashed him with a broad grin.

“There’s still work to be done on your shoulders, but I didn’t want to disturb ya!” A hearty laugh, but one that seemed more breathless than before.

“You can keep going, then,” Matsuda said immediately and would’ve flopped back down had Nidai not pulled him back.

“Just like this is fine,” was muttered into his hair and those large hands gripped and squeezed his shoulders. In a more cranky state of mind, Matsuda would’ve groused about the sudden strangeness in the atmosphere.

But, Matsuda was feeling pretty compliant. It was clear now how Nidai managed to tame Owari. All Nidai had to do was press his thumb like so into the knot under Matsuda’s nape and Matsuda would jump off a fucking bridge for this.

For now, he just hummed in contentment as Nidai works his magic once more.

Until there’s another pause.

“Ahaha. Haha.” Did Nidai’s laugh sound a bit dry? “You said you had to go to the pharmacist, right?”

He had almost completely forgotten.

“Urgh.” Matsuda groaned as the reality of the situation settled right back in his head. Like a fucking infestation of cockroaches. “Fuck, right.”

“We can continue again later,” Nidai was saying. “Even if you’re not one of my athletes, you’re still...”

He trails off. Matsuda is too busy retrieving his clothes to comment on it, but he does notice the meathead coach’s sudden sheepishness.

He’s not...?

Nidai’s blush darkened when he glanced back.

The reality of the situation settled in. Nidai looked away.

...it’s nothing. It’s just the circumstances that are strange. Don’t—don’t be fucking stupid and look so deeply into something like...

He needed. To get his damn shoes.

But when he swings down to retrieve them, he realizes his door has been opened.

And Owari is fucking glaring at him from the crack.

“What the FUCK?!”

And maybe, just maybe, Matsuda was a little too fucking flustered after all. And maybe he flung his shoe a little too hard. Owari may have taken it like a champ, but like a fucking idiot, she took it to the fucking face. Right on the damn nose.

“You were taking so LONG!” she exclaimed, completely undeterred with her stained bandage. It’d have to be replaced, she was probably bleeding again. “I won’t have ya completely monopolizing the old man’s IT!”

Nidai broke into uproarious laughter and Matsuda cursed himself out for expecting things to play out any other stupid fucking way.

This really isn’t the place for it. So, don’t fucking think about it. If this was a story, it’d be a fucking horror, not a romance.

“Right,” he griped. “To the fucking pharmacy, then.”

He just needed to get dressed. It’d be like nothing ever happened. Nothing at all.

At least it was a lot easier to move now.

I’ll have to see that brand new day again. Preferably soon. And then... I don’t know, maybe things can be normal?

The events transpired as normal. As expected. Whatever.

(But, no, he never got the chance to experience it again. But if he knew it’d be the first and last time on these stupid fucking islands, it wouldn’t have changed a thing between him, Nidai, or even Owari for that matter.)

#sdr2 #nekomaru nidai #nidai nekomaru #yasuke matsuda #matsuda yasuke #Magi fics #protag matsun #MatsuDai

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blazingstar29 · 3 years

Text

No Room For Ghosts

Trigger warning for child abuse, self harm, homophobia

“My father died this morning,” he whispered but Sherlock heard it. He heard it very clearly and looked up.

John's abusive father dies opening the flood gates to some long forgotten trauma

-----------------------------------------------------------

John walked silently up the stairs without meaning to. Usually his heavy military walk announced his presence wherever he went but today he was too numb to do much more than shuffle.

Sherlock was lounging in his chair, in his hands was a note left by the killer in Lestrade’s pigeon hole at the yard. Somehow the killer had got in and left the Yard without being seen by man or computer. He didn’t notice John lingering absently in the doorway for quite some time. Then the floor creaked and it was like Sherlock remembered he was there.

“John you’ve been there for a while, what do you want?” He said vacantly. John broke from his trance and stepped in the room, gravitating towards his arm chair and sinking heavily.

The silence continued, stretching and sickening. John couldn’t stand it, so he broke it.

“My father died this morning,” he whispered but Sherlock heard it. He heard it very clearly and looked up.

“I, John, I’m very sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine how you feel,” he said sincerely. John couldn’t help it, he laughed.

He laughed loud and hard, but it was stiff with emotion.

“I don’t understand, John?” Sherlock leaned forward to settle on one knee next to John, resting a hand on John’s forearm.

“Nor do I. Sherlock, I’m, I’m glad he’s dead. I’m so fucking happy he’s gone, he’s...he’s,” John started crying and his breathing disrupted as he wheezed.

“He’s oh god he’s, I’m terrible. I shouldn't.”

John was working himself up into a mess. Sherlock didn’t comprehend it, usually people were deeply upset when their parents had died.John was in obvious conflict about his emotions.

“John, I need you to talk to me, what’s wrong,” he tried again to get through to the doctor.

“It’s me, I’m what's wrong,” John cried out. “My father is dead and I couldn’t be happier.”

Sherlock frowned, “there’s some plausible explanation for this. Some sort of trauma…”

Then John slid to the floor and sunk against Sherlock, loudly and violently sobbing. He clung to Sherlock which the detective hesitantly returned and after a moment his grip firmed supporting John.

“John please talk to me,” Sherlock whispered desperately. John was lax against his body and still crying heavily but the horrific sobbing had stopped. John couldn’t find it in him to care; he was essentially curled up against Sherlock’s knee, his head resting on the man’s thigh.

And neither did Sherlock.

“He kicked Harry out when she was seventeen. She came home with Clara one day and said she was in love with her. I knew, I knew she was gay. Had for a long time. It’s when it all started to go to shit y’know?” John whispered, his voice croaky. “He was always yelling and breaking things, yelling at mum and me an’ Harry. But it was the straw that broke the camel's back.”

John’s desperate wheezing had reduced to sniffles now. Sherlock had laid back and John’ head had gravitated to rest on his stomach. Without realising it Sherlock was carding his fingers through John’s hair.

“I um. When he told Harry to leave I swung at him,” John tilted his head and pulled up the hair at the base of his skull. It revealed a thick white scar, “Got that for my troubles but it got Harry time. Got Harry and mum both time to grab what they needed. Me and dad were on the floor hitting each other with whatever we had. Then they were gone, I saw Harry at school. She was thriving, checked on me but didn’t...”

“But she didn’t see what was happening. You couldn’t tell her because she’d come back,” Sherlock said. It wasn’t the way he normally said his deductions, it was quiet and passive, not trying to prove a point.

“Yeah. I never told him I was bisexual. I’d be dead. He chased my family away, I was fourteen. I wanted to die. But Harry got to live, I think she would have died had she stayed. One way or another she would have. As soon as I could I left. No way I could afford medical school, so I joined the army.”

John sat up to look at Sherlock with watery brown eyes, “am I wrong? Is it wrong?”

“What is?”

“That I’m glad he’s dead, I’m not going to the funeral. I don’t think there will be one.”

Sherlock sighed, sorrow filling his usually bored eyes, “no John. You owe that man nothing. You surrendered yourself to be the sole target of his anger. You did an honourable thing. You owe him nothing.”

Without thinking Sherlock had to know the answer to something, so he tenderly reached for John’s arms and pulled down the sleeve of his jumper of his right arm. It was clean. With the apology on Sherlock’s lips but John pulled the collar of his jumper down over his upper arm and shoulder.

Straight white lines, over and over and over.

There were five pink cuts, scabbing. No more than a few hours old.

Sherlock grabbed John close. They were eye level now as they hugged, quiet sniffling coming from John. Spontaneously and without cause Sherlock lowered his head and kissed the pink cuts softly. And then kissed the white ones. John turned his head away, embarrassment flooding his face but Sherlock pulled him back.

“I’m sorry you had to see tha-”

John was cut off as Sherlock leaned closer and kissed him softly on the lips. John showed no resistance and even with salty tears leaking down his face he kissed back.

“Don’t appologise for who you are,” Sherlock said firmly.

John smiled thinly, “I don’t want to be that person anymore. I tried so hard to not do it but I couldn’t stop myself. I rang Harry afterwards and told her. She said she was coming over but I was already in a cab here.”

The pair stayed on the floor for a while. When John dozed Sherlock thought about a case when he was awake they spoke softly. Sherlock would tell a story of his adventure growing up with Mycroft or John would tell more of his own life story.

In one of those times when John was in a deep doze, Lestrade rang.

“Quadripple murder outside the Hyde Park. The vics are clawed to death.”

“Not interested,” Sherlock said dully with his quiet voice.

“Not interested? Thought that'd be right up your ally. We need to prove it’s a murder not some random lion. What’s with the quiet voice anyway?” Lestrade responded with heavy confusion at the consultant’s hesitance.

“I’m not interested. I’m with John, I can’t come in.”

Lestrade was close to begging, “bring John. We need you down here Sherlock. Anderson’s back at the Yard.”

It was tempting, but now wasn’t the time.

“I can’t come down because of John. I’ll come this evening but not now,” Sherlock snapped.

Lestrade was even more confused and was losing patience, “Sherlock. Stop playing games.”

Checking John had completely dozed off Sherlock raised his voice an octave, “this morning John Watson’s abusive father died. He came back home this morning from God knows where, distressed and a danger to himself having cut himself this morning. I will not leave him until he wakes up and I can properly assess his well being until then do your own bloody job.”

Sherlock hung up and slid the phone across the floor.

Sherlock did go to the crime scene later that evening after feeding John some take-away and putting him to bed.

Lestrade was extremely apologetic but Sherlock quickly brushed him aside.

“How is he?” The DI asked sincerely.

“He’ll be okay but I’m sure you understand my hesitancy to leave him. He’s currently asleep and I hope he remains that way.”

John slept deeply through the night and woke late in the morning. He felt heavy and his eyes still stung. Sherlock’s violin drifted throughout the flat from wherever he was playing. He rose from his bed and ventured down into the kitchen resuming his normal routine like any other day.

Until he broke a plate.

Until the soft strings of the violin stopped abruptly.

Until Sherlock shouted “John!”

But it wasn’t Sherlock who John heard shouting his name, it was his father’s voice booming. Without thinking, fueled on fear, John fled the flat. More shouting filling his ears and no ability to differentiate where it came from.

When Sherlock came to the kitchen it was empty aside from a shattered plate and thes street door wide open.

John was gone.

Sherlock called Greg instantly. He had to repeat himself every few sentences because he was talking too fast.

“John’s gone, he’s gone, he’s run. He’s not on the street, he. Lestrade we need to find him now ,” Sherlock pleaded with an unfamiliar tone.

“Sherlock, I can’t send out units to look for him, it’s not my jurisdiction,” the D.I admitted softly. “I’ll put Donovan on this case, wait where you are and I’ll be there in twenty.”

For those twenty minutes Sherlock phoned John thirty three times before realising that John had left his phone at the flat.

“What happened?” Greg asked as he bolted up the stairs. Sherlock was close to distraught, still in his pajamas.

“He’s not in his right mind Lestrade. He self harmed yesterday, his joke of a father died yesterday. He is extremely unstable, when he broke the plate he fled as soon as I called out to him. He needs to be found now ,” Sherlock all but yelled. Greg nodded, the severity finally surfacing.

The D.I reached for his radio and spoke briefly, “all patrols in the City of Westminster look out for a man, five-foot-seven, Doctor John Watson is unstable, approaching calmly.”

As soon as the report went out Sherlock calmed slightly.

“What are his bolt holes?” Greg asked whilst moving to clean up the broken plate. Sherlock sighed and rubbed his face.

“I have no idea, he doesn’t. He doesn’t bolt, he freezes that’s…”

What Sherlock doesn’t know is that the Army taught John to freeze. Stop, assess, react.

John was a bolter, but Sherlock hadn’t met him when he was like that. He still had hidden bolt holes all over the city, he could be anywhere.

“Harry,” Sherlock suddenly shouted. “His sister!”

Sherlock rushed to snatch John’s phone and returned to the kitchen. He quickly broke into the phone, opening up the contacts list he rang Harry.

“John?” Harry’s voice rang down the line.

Lestrad snatched the phone before Sherlock could say anything.

“Harry Watson? I’m Detective Inspector Lestrade from Scotland Yard. I’m here with your brother's flatmate Sherlock. John bolted from the flat about half an hour ago after an incident. We believe he is unstable, is he with you?”

Harry was silent for a moment, fear coursing through her, “no, he’s not with me. I, I know where he might have gone.”

An hour later Sherlock, Lestrade and Harry were combing their way through woodlands on the outside of London. The once popular trail had been visited less and less over the years but the path was still there.

“John!” Sherlock shouted once more, his voice had steadily become rougher as he shouted for his friend over and over. Harry was sniffling quietly as she combed the undergrowth for her brother.

“John it’s me, Harry. Harry the raging fucking lesbain please. Please tell me where you are, “ Harry cried out. Her breath hitching with a laugh at the inside joke but she continued to cry. “John please. I’ve lost a terrible father today, I won’t lose my brother as well.”

Lestrade and Sherlock said nothing. After another fifteen minutes of searching they came across an open field. In the middle was John, lying facing the sky.

“No!” Harry shouted but Lestrade grabbed her around the waist before she could charge into the field. Sherlock sprinted ahead, begging whatever higher entity people normally believed in for John Watson to be okay For John Watson to be alive.

And he was. He had tear tracks down his face and his arms hard crescent shapes all along them.

“Oh John,” Sherlock whispered, clutching the man close. Together they cried, clinging to each other. Clinging, clinging. Harry was there too, she hung off John’s waist as she sobbed and sobbed and they were a mess all three of them. Even Lestrade was wiping a few tears of relief away as he embraced John at the edge of the clearing.

John slipped and he fell.

Sometimes he could lay there for hours and sometimes he got up in an instant.

Sometimes he couldn’t get up at all, not by himself.

Sherlock would find him broken on the living room floor or having an anxiety attack in the bathroom over the spilt water.

Mycroft once said to him it was no point crying over spilt milk.

One day John did. It was arduous finding an equilibrium to remembering and forgetting. There would be days when he was in the middle of a case and a memory would resurface beneath all the suppression.

Those were John’s worst days.

It was all well and good dealing with something he knew, but when the panic was clawing up his throat and he was choking on air and hands were ripping into his neck from some long forgotten ghost...That’s when John would break.

He would break hard, shatter.

John would break so hard he was scared Sherlock wouldn’t go get the sticky tape. That the detective would falter and wonder why he was still doing this.

Why would he want to look after John Watson?

But he never did, he never faltered and even if Lestrade and Molly were talking him threw a panic attack through a mic in his ear. Well, John never knew. All he knew was that his friend was there.

His over half was there.

And when his over half was there, there was no room for ghosts.

#sherlock #fanfiction #johnlock #love #homophobia #tw #self harm #child abuse #john watson #gay #angst #hurt #comfort #fuff #lestrade #harry watson

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mrs-nate-humphrey · 3 years

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aight aight, real shit; let's say you got the chance to rewrite the entirety of gossip girl exactly how you want. make a brief description of what would happen in each season. (you can decide whether there's a fourth season or not)

oh i LOVE this ask, and i am so flattered to be asked this, haha. i have SO many thoughts, i’ve been thinking about this non-stop, but i’ll try to be as brief as possible. also, disclaimer, i don’t remember all the seasons equally clearly. like i barely remember s2. haha, whoops.

season 1: i love this season as is, for the most part. i think the tone of it was actually very serious and involved? like the show was actively trying not to be frivolous with heavy topics, and the way we were getting to see the characters seemed like they were trying to bring out character depth and the complexities of their lives in very deliberate ways. nate’s whole thing with his parents gets so much focus, and it’s not something the show glorifies, it’s something that is meant to make you uncomfortable and worried for him.

i would have nate be less of a dudebro, jenny & nate’s friendship being a little more solid, dan being a little more involved in jenny’s problems + helping her find her space, vanessa/nate to happen earlier - after nate breaks up w/ blair and realises she looks happier, i would have him not try and get back with her (lol, dude, the fact that she’s happy after breaking up with you means you probably shouldn’t be dating her.) more exploration of eric’s mental health. more dan and blair friendship. i would keep chair the way it is this season. i would not have a derena breakup - i’d have them take a break after the georgina reveal and get back together during the summer after talking about it and deciding to be more honest & open with each other. and, what the hell, i would have lily not blame serena (???) for being taken advantage of in the whole pete fairman situation. serena wasn’t sober, she was 16, that dude was in his 30s, georgina was taping her w/o her consent. how is any of this serena’s fault??? i hate lily’s reaction so much.

season 2: i... don’t remember enough of this season, sadly. it’s been too long since i watched it. i would majorly change jenny’s arc here, though. eleanor stealing her dress was majorly, majorly fucked up, and i think jenny should’ve done something then and there. also the whole thing with ‘lily is a mother to chuck’.... i would’ve loved it if lily had been like that to jenny. the girl needed it, and lily would’ve actually been able to help jenny establish connections in the professional world and whatnot. i think jenny should’ve transferred out of constance - not necessarily homeschooling maybe, but gone somewhere else. unlike dan, she didn’t even want to get into an ivy, she wanted to make it big as a designer. so. that.

oh nate my love. i’d get this trainwreck of a boy some therapy. while i hate that the catherine thing happened, things like that do happen all the time, and i’d be interested in sort of handling the aftermath of it in a responsible way. i would not have... a lot of serena’s arc and decisions (from what i can remember) were really random in this season. i’d have her break up with dan at some point. and vanessa would need a new subject for her short film, and she’d choose serena.

nate doesn’t really date anyone, this season. but he and jenny open up to each other abt having gay crushes on people who treat you like shit - jenny’s thing with agnes - nate rescues her when they’re taking those pictures in her flat and let’s say she doesn’t go back to agnes. instead of kissing her, nate talks to her instead, and tells her about carter, tells her about chuck. and jenny talks about her feelings for blair, her feelings for agnes. and both of them sort of go... “it sucks, but all we can do is try not to become the kind of people we hate, right?”

dan pines for nate. majorly. massively. obviously. i think the only person who really notices is blair, and this would lead to new hijinks and shenanigans. also!! i do not want chair in s2. maybe it can go there for a bit but definitely not to the extent in canon. i want blair to have the same moment of being unable to deny her cruelty / needing to be accountable that she did in that ‘age of dissonance’ play. and. this sounds fucky but i want the dan/rachel stuff to stay as it is, and later, in s4, for dan & serena to talk about rachel & ben respectively and be like ‘hey, this was a fucked up thing to happen to us, wasn’t it?’

i would also like to get to know blair’s “minions” better as people. i mean. they all seemed hella fascinating to me, and the show’s decision to make them superficial and unidimensional was very depressing.

season 3: hot garbage, throw canon away. when chuck goes away to paris or wherever, let him not come back. goodbye, dude! dan, blair & vanessa friendship at nyu is so, so important to me. also im losing my mind always at how vanessa and serena catch dan on that walk of shame and they’re both like ‘college is a time for experimentation!’ and nobody does anything even slightly bisexual (unless you count that threesome later, which, blah.) a serenessa / date dynamic in college would’ve been great. dan transferring to columbia like blair does and rooming with nate and just, the gayness of it all. dan & blair become really, really close, and d&b&v watch movies + go to art exhibits together and are all SO DAMN PRETENTIOUS. serena finds it sexy, nate finds it terrifying.

the william stuff would be interesting if he were actually held accountable. like that man has no right being a doctor, and medical malpractice needs to be brought up. and jenny’s whole arc this season makes me so sad. i think it would’ve been interesting if she’d been a ‘queen’ and ruled alongside eric, and just, the two of them forcing people to be nice, sort of like they try to do with people who are mean to nelly in s2 i think it is? but also.. jenny out of constance is very good, and i think i mentioned that earlier, haha, whoops.

season 4 : serenessa breakup, for whatever reason, probably to do with the william fuckery, because i think vanessa would react in similar ways to nate (”serena, i know he’s your dad, but we have to do the right thing” / “it still wasn’t your call to make” / “he’s a certified doctor, serena, a man like that has no right -” / “god vanessa, you really don’t get it, do you?” ). uhhh i would actually... if i had to choose i would honestly go blairnessa >>>>> dair. i love how blair & vanessa can keep each other on their toes and hold each other accountable. like? blair’s classist or racist and dan’s just like, *smiles*. vanessa would actively be like ‘hey, stop that.’ (this is one of the few actual criticisms i have about d/b as a relationship, RIP.)

(edited to add: yeah, i think blairnessa WOULD be a sustainable relationship, more abt that here! )

yes to the milo arc, but dan gets to keep milo (his friends threaten georgina and go all ‘you made him sign the certificate. don’t make us take you to court’ because i love these morally grey assholes but also because g DID trick dan into thinking milo was his and dan was ready to reshape his whole life around that kid which is more than georgina was willing to do. plus endgame: jack/georgina are not parents i want milo to have.) i would also have more of a rufus & dan fallout over the milo thing. i think rufus would be really nasty about it all tbh.

the dair arc for blair and vanessa! let the juliet stuff happen, but let it be less awful + let it be seen as Bad + let serena get help & not forgive her for it. let serena NOT date ben after, what the hell. i want d&s to talk about their shared feelings for high school teachers and to realise, in retrospect, as adults, that what happened was crossing lines. let blair and vanessa suddenly drop dan and do the movies + galleries stuff on their own. and dan’s like ??? but he’s busy being a parent with nate supporting him. dan’s drama is very much parenting things. there would be some nonsense involving nate’s family pushing back, because ‘we stood by while you dated him, nate, we thought it was a phase. but raising a child with another man? this is unacceptable.’ i would like nate to get disowned by the family, and need to find his own feet. and to get a REAL SHOT AT HAPPINESS away from that terrible environment.

season 5: i want this to be a good serena season. let her find her calling doing creative things. let her and carter travel the world. let her just be whoever she wants to be. let her and vanessa patch their friendship up. let her have an open relationship with carter, let her have a lot of sex with a lot of random people and not feel guilty about it. let her really really blossom. i want more eric! maybe he’s in london with jenny, and she’s working on her fashion stuff, and he’s realising that he really wants to be a counsellor.

some time-skips, maybe. i really want to see dan’s whole thing of being a parent. sending milo to kindergarten and spending the whole time milo’s gone on edge and anxious about everything that could go wrong, while nate comforts him. let nate try to get a job because he no longer has a trust fund, and navigate everything that comes with that. let vanessa be there for him. why the fuck am i phrasing my sentences like this - can you tell that i studied physics once?? oh well.

blair & vanessa handling a lot of things. vanessa meeting harold!! vanessa’s parents being disapproving of blair, but ruby standing up for her. blair & vanessa planning their future properly. blair & vanessa babysitting milo and talking about kids.

and there can be drama too, there should always be drama. but i would like wholesome stuff at the centre of it too, you know? the ivy/lola nonsense can go on in the background, i don’t actually care that much. as long as ivy doesn’t go around fucking people’s fathers for no understandable or discernable reason, i don’t really care lkdhlfdkhg. (it was just so inexplicable and so random!)

season 6: uh, i don’t know. this was a bad season for everyone in canon, except chuck. i would throw it all away. i would actually love if we had pre-series rufly instead: every time those two bring up their past together i’m like 👀 because it sounds like a dream. or focus entirely on jenny and eric and their life. i am obsessed with jenny and eric being... sort of queerplatonic, sort of like, best friends. there’s no romance and no sex between them (eric’s canonically gay, and jenny’s a lesbian because i said so) but i think the way jenny and eric are is very, very life partners in a way that isn’t romantic OR sexual. so they’d have a little place together and would support each other. and just. what are they up to now? also. kati, iz, penelope, hazel, nelly... what r they doing now? one of the few things i actually liked about s6 as it was was that nelly was that reporter and that she’d found her people in yale. nelly yuki getting a happy and fulfilling ending and being a successful woman was so good and we actually got a little bit of that. i’d like more of that, for the rest of the girls, you know?

#anon #long post #this is almost 1.9k words long but it was fun to write LDKHLGKHFGKH #gossip girl #i know there's no dair i am so sorry about that #but honestly the way this was panning out i had to like #choose between dair & blairnessa #RIP #meta #??#prompt #my writing #???#gg rewrite

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