#felt like writing more hopeful music but its just not what i've ever been looking for from him. but i listened to hope and i loved it and | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

monaownsmyass · 4 months

Text

Reunion

Book: Ride-or-Die (2)

Pairing: Mona x MC (Ellie Wheeler)

Genre: ANGST (and just some general fluff)

Rating: PG13, Mona has a colourful vocabulary

Word Count: 3,930

A/N: So since we now know what was supposed to happen in Book 2, I HAD to write Mona reuniting with MC again for the first time in 5 years. The idea of them seeing each other after so long, the tension, mhmm! Since I'm working with the bare bones, I'm only guessing how most of the plot was suppose to go down. So if there's any plot holes in my own story, just ignore it :3

I never thought I'd be posting a fic again. And yet, here I am, years later writing for Mona cuz we were ROBBED of Book 2. I feel like I've come full circle cuz my very first fic was for Mona and I'm pretty sure this is gonna be my last. At least for a while. The last fic I posted was the last time I think I properly wrote anything so forgive me if I'm rusty, but anything for my baby Mona <3 Lmk whatcha think of this fic!

Ellie stared unblinkingly at the still face looking back at her from the screen. Her jaw clenched as her mind raced. Five years, it's been five years since she had seen her, five years since she's heard anything about her and there she was. And tomorrow, if everything goes to plan, she'll be right in front of Ellie. She'll actually be there, with her in the same physical space and not the one she had shared with her in her mind over the past half decade.

Just the thought alone was enough to make Ellie want to throw up, either from excitement or nervousness or both, she wasn't sure. All she knew was that she had been imagining this moment constantly ever since she last saw her. Ellie always thought about what she would say, what she would do, but she could never quite figure out what that would be. And for the longest time, she thought it wouldn't matter. She thought she would never see her again.

Until now, that is.

Ellie inhaled deeply and let out a shaky breath, trying to get her thoughts in order. But she never seemed to be able to whenever she looked into those sly brown eyes and at that infuriating smirk on that gorgeous face. It was no different now, apparently.

She slammed her laptop shut. She'll worry about it when she's there.

~.~

Ellie was hyperaware of everything around her. The heat emanating from her coffee into her palms, the espresso machine whirring, the music in the background, the grains of the wooden table.

Suddenly, she heard the shop doorbell ring and her heart fell to her stomach.

She just knew.

Ellie didn't turn to look, she just couldn't bear the weight of it. Instead, she heard, she felt.

She heard the familiar footsteps of boots walking towards her that awoke distant memories. She felt her eyes shut on its own accord. She heard a soft sound of curiosity coming from where the footsteps had stopped. She felt her heart drumming so hard in her chest, she could hear it in her ears. She felt a presence looming over her. She heard a hand slap against the metal backing of the chair across from her.

And then nothing.

Ellie slowly opened her eyes and gulped. When did her throat get so dry?

The first thing she saw was a perfectly manicured hand gripping the chair in front of her that lead up to a familiar fully tattooed arm. She forced her gaze upwards, finding it exceedingly difficult, feeling as if she was fighting against an invisible force, as if the more she dare to look up, the more her own eyes were denying her.

She took in the other hand resting against the waistband of dark pants. She noticed a black tank top covered by a black leather jacket and the way the necklaces worn rested against it. Her breath hitched and her heart stopped when her gaze finally met the one of the woman she had been dreaming of for 5 years now.

And goddamn, was she just as stunning as Ellie had remembered, even more so maybe.

"Mona," she softly breath out as if she was hoping it was true. The name sounded foreign yet familiar against her lips. Oh, how she had missed saying that name.

There Mona was, a hand on her hip and the other propping herself up by the chair, a brow raised and the corner of her lips quirked upwards, as if fighting a smile back. Her pretty brown eyes gazed down deeply into Ellie's and Ellie felt as if she was losing an unspoken uphill battle.

"Well, well, well," Mona whispered and Ellie nearly laughed in relief at being able to listen to her voice again. It was surreal. "If it isn't Ellie fucking Wheeler. Hello, princess."

~.~

The entire situation was so overwhelming for Ellie, she didn't know what to do with herself. She was between a constant push and pull state of fidgety and paralyzed. It was like a dream and a nightmare come true and Ellie wasn't even sure if she wanted to be woken up if it was one.

But it wasn't, and Ellie still wasn't sure what she'd say or do now that she was face to face with the woman that had been haunting her thoughts since she met her.

Ellie took in Mona who was now sitting opposite her. She was leaned back with her arms crossed and her lips pursed. Everything about her posture would suggest to Ellie that Mona was being standoffish. The only thing that was making her second guess herself were those damn eyes. Mona made no effort to hide the fact that her eyes were blatantly flickering up and down Ellie's form. They finally settled back on Ellie's and she swore she saw Mona's gaze soften just the tiniest bit. Ellie had no clue if she was assessing her as well or checking her out.

Despite her many psychology classes on body language and facial expressions, she still couldn't read Mona. She never had been able to. It was something that Ellie had appreciated every now and then, she liked that Mona kept her on her toes. But now wasn't one of those times.

"I didn't think you'd come," Ellie blurted out and finally broke the silence, not being able to stand the way Mona was looking at her anymore.

Mona cocked an eyebrow at her and shrugged a little. "It's not everyday I get a letter from a girl I took a bullet for 5 years ago. Had to see for myself." Ellie had no idea how to respond but she didn't need to because almost immediately after, Mona leaned in forward and glowered at her. "How did you find me?"

Mona was so near, Ellie could smell her perfume and she'd be lying if she said it didn't make her a bit heady. Ellie leaned back into her chair, feeling the need to put some space between the two of them. She saw the corners of Mona's lips twitch in a flash as she did.

Unlike Ellie, Mona always could've read Ellie very much easily, probably even a bit too easily.

Ellie shut her eyes tight, trying to think of an easy, gentle way to break the news to Mona. There was no easy, gentle way.

"Look, Mona," she sighed and looked up at her. "I was hoping to warm you up a little before I jump into it but since you asked...," Ellie drifted off and paused for a moment to try and figure out the best way to phrase her next sentence. "I'm working with the FBI and I need your help."

Just as Ellie had predicted, Mona was mad. Her hands gripped the armrests of her chair and leaned in even closer to Ellie, her eyes wide in disbelief.

"What the fuck, Ellie?!" Mona whispered angrily, her voice low. "If you're working with the cops, then you know that I fucking broke out of prison, right? You're basically leading them back to me!"

"Mona, listen," Ellie leaned forward and placed a hand on Mona's, not knowing how else to reassure her. It was a mistake, Ellie's breath hitched being so close to her. Both their eyes flickered down at their hands before meeting each other's again. Mona jaw unclenched just the slightest bit and didn't pull away so Ellie continued. "They agreed to clear your remaining offenses and even your criminal record if you cooperate with them."

Mona finally pulled her hand away and she folded her arms again, leaning back into her seat. Ellie leaned back as well, thankful for a way out. She knew she was on the verge of doing something stupid.

Mona considered what Ellie had told her. "What makes you think I want that? If you're working for the pigs you'd know that I'm still involved."

"I'm working with them, not for them," Ellie corrected. "And from what rumors I heard, your current situation is more of a necessity than a want, it's transactional."

Ellie looked at Mona expectantly. If she was honest, she was hoping Mona would fill in the gaps for her because that was all she knew. She hadn't gotten any details. Instead, Mona asked, "Why are you working with them, anyway?"

"There's a heist crew that Logan was in that obtained list of important informants and the FBI thinks I can help 'cuz I have ties with him."

"And where do I fit into this?" Mona questioned, unamused.

"Your current... involvement... appears to have connections to them, so we need your help to gather intel," Ellie put it plainly, no point sugarcoating it and wrapping it up in a pretty bow, especially since she knew Mona would appreciate the directness more.

"Hm," Mona squinted at Ellie and Ellie tried her best to maintain composure which was proving to be very hard in Mona's presence. "Very bold of you to assume I'd risk my neck by going behind the backs of one of the most dangerous crime families just to helps out a bunch of cops. Very stupid, but very bold too. I'm not sure if I'm impressed or disappointed."

Ellie couldn't help but grin. It was the most Mona-like thing she had said and just for a little while, it felt like old times. She decided to push her luck a little further. "Can you... is it okay if you explain to me why you're with them?"

Mona glared at Ellie and then let out a huff, running her fingers through her hair, clearly frustrated. Ellie just watched in silence, unsure what to make of it.

"After all this time and you still can make me want to talk, it's embarrassing," she mumbled and Ellie had to strain to listen to her. Ellie felt her heartbeat start to pick up again at Mona's words. "I'll make it quick. Escaped prison, cops chased, crime family protect, work for them, safe from cops." She gestured with her hand lazily, explaining with complete disinterest as if she's told this story a million times which was ironic since this was probably the first time she told this to anyone.

"Well, think about it this way," Ellie had offered in response after taking some time to ponder. "If you help the FBI, you'll help bust them and clear your offenses, which means you'll be free, Mona."

Ellie could practically see the gears turning in Mona's head, or more like, she could practically see her weighing out the pros and cons on a scale. Mona's eyes flitted from staring at her table up to meet Ellie's and Ellie forced herself not too look away, daring to challenge Mona to accept her offer.

Mona sighed and unfolded her arms to gesture with her hands. "It's a very tempting offer, believe me."

"But?"

"But there's a reason they're the biggest crime family," Mona said in a hushed yet hurried tone. "If they haven't gotten caught for this long, I doubt me throwing a wrench in their plans and schemes would do jackshit!"

Mona was frustrated, but Ellie could tell it was more so about her situation than at Ellie which kept Ellie at least a little calm for now.

"Not to mention, law enforcement fucking sucks, I don't exactly trust them to catch every single member."

Mona's eyebrows furrowed and her lips were set in a displeased line, the wrinkles at the corners of her mouth prominent with her scowling. Ellie found herself missing it.

"I know, I know you're not their biggest fan and I know what I'm asking of you-"

"NO!" Mona slammed her palm against the table, not loud enough to attract unwanted attention but that didn't stop Ellie from jumping in her seat at her sudden outburst. "I don't think you realise exactly what you're asking me to do, princess," she spat out the nickname venomously and Ellie fought hard not to flinch.

"Mona-"

"Listen, I took a bullet for you, I went to fucking prison for you. You get in touch with me again after all this years only to ask me to die for you." Mona paused and closed her eyes, exhaling slowly. Ellie watched in silence for a moment, her heart beating a mile a minute in realisation.

"You're right, I didn't think of it like that, I'm sorry." Mona snorted but Ellie continued. "But that's not the only reason I wanted to get in touch with you, I promise."

Mona opened her eyes and looked at Ellie. Ellie could sense she was trying to read her expression, decide if she was being sincere. She was.

It was quiet for a moment.

Mona crossed her legs at the knees and leaned forward. Ellie could see the anger in her expression dissipate into subtle smugness. Mona whispered, "What's the other reason then?"

There it was. Ellie knew Mona knew just from the slight pull of her upper lip and the way she was gazing at her with such intent. Over the past 5 years, Ellie had so much she wanted to say to Mona. Far too much to condense into a one sentence answer, but she tried anyway by saying, "I missed you, Mona."

"After all this time, and you still haven't learnt to save yourself." Mona let out a short, soft chuckle and shook her head. She stood up and tugged at the collars of her jacket, fixing it before shoving her hands in her pockets and turning around.

"Where are you going?" Ellie stood up in alarm, dumbfounded by Mona's actions.

Mona turned to face Ellie again, shrugging slightly. "I have to go, I came here on borrowed time."

"Will you consider it? At least?" Ellie was pleading at this point, but mostly because she knew if Mona said no, this would be the last time she saw her. She was very desperate for it to not be.

"I'll find you," Mona said and started to walk away again.

Ellie sighed softly, relieved that she's got Mona's word that she'll at least hear from her. But Ellie couldn't help herself, she had to ask, she had to know.

"Did you miss me?"

Mona stopped and and turned her head to the side to quickly glance at Ellie at the corner of her eye over her shoulder. She faced head on again and exhaled, as if the question itself exhausted her.

"I haven't learnt either. If I did, I wouldn't be here."

Mona walked away and left Ellie standing there speechless, mind and heart racing.

~~TIME CUT~~

Ellie looked around cautiously as she walked down the dingy back alley. Only a singular, dim streetlamp illuminated the street. Every small sound or movement caused Ellie to whip her head around in it's direction.

Leave it to Mona to pick the most unsavoury, suspicious place at the darkest hour of the night to want to meet up.

All of a sudden, she spotted a car headed in her direction. The headlights so bright, it temporarily blinded Ellie. She would've ran if she didn't catch a glimpse of the familiar purple of the car in the midst of being rendered sightless.

The car stopped right beside her and the door popped open to reveal Mona looking expectedly at her.

"Well, c'mon, get in."

"Mona! You still have your car?"

She rolled her eyes. "Questions later, get in now."

Ellie silently obeyed. As soon as she slammed the door shut, Mona sped off, leaving Ellie clumsily grabbling for her seatbelt. She managed to click it into place before turning to Mona who had a smirk on her face.

Mona looked at ease as always behind the wheel. Leaned back in her seat with one hand on the steering and the other on the shift stick, Mona was definitely in her element. And definitely looked hotter driving than Ellie remembered.

"Not used to the speed anymore, princess?"

"It's been a while," Ellie reminded and looked out the passenger's window, watching the buildings whip past them. "Some things never change though."

Mona drove in silence, not even humming along to the hip-hop music she had playing on the radio. Ellie cleared her throat and decided to speak up. "So, are you accepting the offer?"

"We'll talk later." Mona looked at Ellie briefly before averting her eyes back on the road.

Ellie looked around outside, roughly recognising their surroundings but not exactly being able to place her finger on it.

"Mona, where are we going?"

"You don't remember?" Mona quirked an eyebrow at her as they pull into an open area where a bunch of cars were parked. A video was projected onto a huge display screen right at the front. Ellie's eyes lit up in realisation.

"The drive-in theatre! The one we came to with Mercy Park Crew!"

"The one and only," Mona confirmed as she put her car into park and pulled the hand break up. "Literally."

She pulled the lever of her chair and leaned so far back, she was almost laying down. She raised both hands behind her head and stared at the projection in front of them.

Bewildered at Mona, Ellie's brows furrowed in confusion as she looked at her. "What are you doing? What are we doing?"

"We're watching a movie, duh," Mona replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Mona was being difficult, Ellie had enough experience with her to at least know that. And lucky for her, she also had enough experience to know how to annoy Mona into talking.

Mustering up the most gushy and enthusiastic voice she could, she said, "Aww, Monaaaa!" Ellie grabbed Mona's knee and Mona looked at her, with both brows raised, clearly confused and maybe even looking a little weirded out by her sudden change in tone. "If you wanted to take me on a date you could've just said so!"

"Pft! A date?" Mona sputtered, taken aback. "You wish, princess."

"What is it then? Are you feeling sentimental?" Ellie cooed and Mona lightly slapped her hand away, the one that was on her knee.

"Hah! Definitely not."

"It's okay if you are, it's actually so cute of you."

Mona gasped and sat up straight as if it was the most offensive thing to mankind.

"I am not cute," she glared at Ellie and Ellie fought hard to hide her bubbling laughter.

"Then what is it?"

"Fine!" Mona threw her hands up in defeat. "I just wanted to relax before we got down to business but since this is so much more stressful let's just talk now." Mona leaned back against her seat and motioned Ellie to copy her seat position.

Ellie smiled to herself as she adjusted her seat lever. "Why are we leaning back?"

"'Cuz it's less suspicious. Also it's more comfortable."

"So," Ellie turned to face Mona. "Why are we here?"

"Because, we needed a private place to talk in public at 9 p.m. and this was what I thought of. They have eyes and ears everywhere, this is the safest bet." Mona looked at Ellie. "I need to know the exact terms of this agreement before I give my answer."

"Yes, yes, of course," Ellie replied eagerly, hopefully that Mona was considering the offer.

"I will be exempted for all my crimes, correct?"

"Yes."

"And my record will be a clean slate?"

Ellie nodded.

"The leak must be anonymous, the gang won't know the mole was me. And I don't want the FBI to be tailing my every move either."

"Okay, that can be done."

"While working with them, I want the FBI's word that I'm under their protection and I get full immunity. I know it'll get messy. I need all of it in writing."

Ellie saw a flicker of emotions pass Mona's face. They both knew how dangerous this proposition was for Mona. Ellie gentle placed her hand on Mona's thigh and Mona stiffen at the soft contact, not daring to even look at it.

"I'll be with you the whole way, Mona. I promise, I-"

"Don't," Mona interrupted, sounding pained almost. "How many times must I tell you. We don't do promises, we don't do loyalty. It's each man for themselves, if you need to run, you run."

Ellie was quiet, letting out a shaky breath and squeezing Mona's thigh. Mona finally looked down at the contact and winced as if she was hurt, as if she could tell what Ellie was going to say next.

"And yet, you're still here."

Mona stared deep into Ellie's eyes, her gaze so intense it was hypnotising.

"I'll do it," Mona said softly. "I'm in."

Relief washed over her. Ellie smiled a little a nodded. As she did, a strand of hair came loose and fell in her face. As if on reflex, Mona's hand came up to brush the hair away, tucking it behind Ellie's ear. The gentle touch of Mona's fingers against her face made her sigh in contentment. Ellie had missed Mona's touch so much, she thought she could cry. It felt like an oasis after years of being parched.

Ellie thought Mona would pull her hand away, but she didn't. Instead, she let it rest on Ellie's cheek. Mona's warm hand cupped Ellie's cheek and Ellie leaned into it. She closed her eyes, reveling in the comfort and familiarity of it after 5 years. She moved her hand that was resting on Mona's thigh up her wrist, holding Mona's hand there, afraid Mona will move, afraid of missing the contact. But she didn't move. Instead, she whispered her name.

"Ellie."

Ellie's name coming out of Mona's mouth sounded so intimate, so precious. Ellie opened her eyes and her heart skipped a beat when she saw Mona staring back at her. She had never seen Mona look at her like that before. She looked soft, conflicted, as if she was fighting back. Ellie's lips parted and she noticed Mona's gaze look down at her mouth.

"Mona."

Ellie breathe her name out slowly, a praise, a hope, a gift. Silently wishing Mona would do what she'd been dreaming of for the past half decade. She was so close to getting what she wanted- no, what she needed. The touch, the gaze, the shallow breathes, it was all too much to handle. Ellie was ready to burst out of her skin, it was all too overwhelming.

"Fuck," Mona cursed, her resolve crumbling. She leaned into Ellie while pulling her closer as well. Their lips met halfway in a gasp and Ellie arms immediately wrapped around Mona's neck, her fingers playing with the baby hair on the nape of her neck. Mona moved her free arm around Ellie's waist and securely held her close.

Ellie could help but whimper at how good it felt to be in Mona's arms again, to be kissing her and holding her and savouring her. She had waited years to be able to do this again and it was beyond what she had hoped. She had forgotten how good Mona felt, she almost laughed at how she ever wondered why no one else could make her feel even a fraction of what Mona did. How could they when Mona made her feel like this.

Their lips moved in tandem and their grips on each other tightened. Even though Ellie had been waiting for so long for this, it was hard to believe any time had even passed between them with how in sync they were with each other.

Mona moaned softly into Ellie's mouth when she grabbed Mona's hair in her fist. Mona reluctantly pulled away and rested her forehead against Ellie's. Their hold on each other never ceasing as they tried to catch their breath.

Ellie felt delirious, she thought she would ascend at any moment. Mona softly brushed her thumb against her cheek. Ellie hummed softly at the touch and turned just the slightest bit to kiss the palm of Mona's hand. Mona sighed.

"I can't believe I'm still here."

16 notes · View notes

lokisbiiiitch1993 · 6 months

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Would it be OK with you do to a Loki imagine with an insecure reader who has ADHD and is a loner former choir kid who stims by singing folk music and sea shanties. (Totally not projecting) and when they sing its almost always alone so people aren't telling them to stop and Loki heard them singing once but said nothing about and keeps sneaking into whatever room the reader is in to hear them sing. If anyone asks them to sing they refuse because they were always told they weren't good at singing because they have a deeper voice and can't sing high enough to fit the range needed for most music in choirs. One time they caught someone trying to listen to them sing and now they check the area around them thoroughly before singing.

I'm not projecting I don't know what you're talking about (I totally am). I'm in desperate need of comfort and I've been forced to change my college schedule around to be with a choir made up entirely of masc voices instead of treble chorizo where it's soprano 1 soprano 2 and alto and I've been told by the guys in my class that I sing to high for them so I've felt more like an outsider looking in. If you don't feel comfortable writing this that's perfectly OK I don't mind I don't want to be a bother. Hope you have a good day/night where ever you may be.

Thank you for the Ask ❤️- I am sorry that it took me almost a thousand years - I had Writers Block and many other Requests - and felt like I am not Qualified enough for this Request because I don't know much about ADHD and about music terms in genera

I hope you still like it a bit🥺

You are not a bother and I hope you feel better now - I am sorry 😔

Your voice is Mesmerizing

From time to time ,when Loki is on his way Home to you , walking up the Staircase he can hear you sing.

He is absolutely captivated by your Voice

Loki never heard this kind of Songs before but he is absolutely drawn to it

He figured out quickly that you only sing when you know no one's at home - so he didn't addressed it - Loki doesn't want to make you uncomfortable

Sometimes he sneaks into the Room you are in or the closest Room to hear you better

Occasionally you feel a Presence near you

Suspecting Loki secretly listening to your singing - you confronted him

"You caught me , Darling ...I can't help it I just love hearing you sing... Your voice is Mesmerizing " he praised

"Stop that , don't lie - In the past everyone told me to stop and that I am not a good singer"you answered displeased

"How dare they, utter this falsehood ...those worthless Creatures " Loki sneared

"Hearing you singing voice Echoes in the deepest corner of my Soul ,stearing Emotions i never knew existed - You enchant me ,my Love " he confessed

Moved by Loki's words you told him you will consider singing more often and only for him

My Masterlist

#loki #loki laufeyson #mcu loki #marvel loki #loki imagine #loki fluff #loki x reader #loki x reader fluff #loki x you #loki of asgard #loki x female reader #loki laufeyson x reader #marvel imagine #marvel x reader #mcu x reader #marvel fanfiction #marvel mcu #marvel #mcu

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yandere-fics · 23 days

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FUCK IT. Alpha Darling meeting Selene at a bar. I almost died several times trying to write this.

Fuck the day had been long and you were happy to be nursing a drink at the bar, you took a swig and looked at your glass. Thankfully tomorrow was a day off so you could at least rest and relax instead of having to dread more work. "Well hello there little dove." You looked up to see a smiling face looking down at you, you wondered how tall she was to pull this off. "I couldn't help but notice such a beautiful looking thing sitting at the bar, all alone." You watched her circle to the empty seat beside you and boy was she stunning, she was the tallest beauty you had ever seen from an alpha before. "Hey little dove, are you perhaps waiting for someone?" You shook your head, you never really had time nor did anyone yet catch your eyes. "No? Its hard to believe such a little dove like you would be all alone, but it gives me a chance to talk with you without worrying about interrupting something."

Wait was she hitting on you? "I hope I'm not coming off as too aggressive with my advances." She was hitting on you, she absolutely was. "You know I'm an Alpha and not an omega right?" She smiled and gave a nod at your question. "Of course I've noticed you're an Alpha, little dove..." You watch as she leaned in closer and cupped your chin as she spoke in a whisper. "Such a thing isn't a deterrent at all, I enjoy the company of cuties like you. Its also not like two Alphas can't enjoy each other and have fun together. I won't lie though, you smell absolutely divine." Fuck, she must really want you. You probably look like a delicious meal to her and she's more than likely to pounce. She slowly pulled away and brought her hand back.

She seemed to look around the bar before looking back at you with her smile. "I'm sure the other here don't notice your mouthwatering scent but I sure do. Those delicious little pheromones you're releasing... They do all kinds of things to me..." Oh gods she was going to devour you, you began to squirm a bit in your seat and she seemed to pick up on it slightly. "Poor little dove, you have nothing to be nervous about, I'm just teasing you... Unless you want to have some fun with me back at my place." You looked up at her and you couldn't tell if you should run or not, especially since a part of you was actually considering her offer. After all, you were curious what she'd be like in bed.

"I like that look in your eyes, little dove. You seem curious but you're also quite visibly nervous." You felt her place a gentle hand on your cheek and stroke your face with her thumb. "Don't worry my little dove, I won't force it if you don't want it. I know a giant woman can be quite intimidating for a beautiful girl like yourself... Again, I just wanted to chat you up and see if it goes anywhere. You rarely see such a lovely Alpha like yourself after all. I'll be staying here a while if you change you mind though, little dove."

You watched as she left you alone to ruminate on what she said and how she made you feel. Were you seriously contemplating letting her fuck you into the mattress? You looked to your drink and took a swig as you thought about her more and more. How gentle of a giant could she be? Would she even bother being gentle with you? It wouldn't be easy to come to a conclusion, and certainly not before you finished your drink. You'd have to face the music eventually, might as well get it done soon.

You can't believe you were doing this. You spotted her again and slowly walked over, when she noticed, she couldn't help but smile. "Hey little dove, I was wondering when you'd come join me. How about you sit with me so we can have a drink together." You looked up to her, tilting your head. "Are you sure?" She could only chuckle at the possibility of being eager for her. "I insist little dove, the night is still young so we have no reason to rush anything. I know there aren't any seats left, but my lap is feeling kind of empty... I'm sure a cute little dove like you will have enough space." You decided to oblige her, taking a seat on her lap. "Good girl."

You leaned back in her lap and relaxed into her a bit, though you heard some giggling before a low growl registered in your ears. "Hey you lot... She's an Alpha and you will give her the respect she is due..." You watched as the other girls seemed to shrink in fear, having gone silent under her gaze. You felt a nagging sensation in the back of your mind and decided to ignore it. You wondered if she was only like this with you when you felt her hand on your thigh, slowly looking up at her inquisitively.

"Don't mind my hand little dove, it just loves to caress the thigh of cute little doves that sit in my lap." You bit your lip, her hand was massive and you began to wonder what it was capable of. "If you dislike it I can stop, but by the way you're biting your lip I don't think you want me to. So tell me little dove..." She leaned down so she could whisper to you. "Have you ever been with an omega?" The question caught you off-guard and you began to flush and squirm. You've never had time for such things. "Oh, what a cute an innocent reaction you have Little dove."

You began to focus on her hand and she cupped your chin to make you look at her. "Don't focus on my hand creeping up your leg Little dove. Focus on my voice. You know... I can smell you little dove, I've noticed you're unable to control your scent of arousal and fear... I'm also certain you've noticed how my cock is pressing against your cute little ass, straining to be released from my pants so it can pump you full of my cum..."

Fuck, you were trying to be polite and not mention anything. She must really want to fuck you if she was playing along for a good while. She began to laugh slightly, and you had an idea why. "The scent of arousal got stronger... And look at this, such a cute little cock you have poking out of your panties." You felt her brush the tip which sent a shiver down your spine, fuck she knew how to tease you. "All hard and leaking, desperate to breed a lucky omega and someone who'd submit to you." Fuck, she was partially right. The reality is you didn't care any more, you wanted her.

She returned to her whisper as you saw her smile creep wider and wider, you'd likely be leaving with her tonight. "But you don't want that, do you? You are much more curious and desperate to feel my cock inside of your pussy, aren't you? You want to know what a real Alpha's cock feels like inside you, don't you Little dove? If you want, I can bitch you and make you mine... You'd never have to worry about anything ever again as I mate you and claim you as my Omega..." You began to consider it... It'd be so nice and easy to just be hers...

You felt her caress your cheek with her thumb. "I could tell from your scent you'd be much better an Omega than an Alpha... No need to work or pay bills, just following the orders YOUR Alpha gives YOU. Would you like that little dove? Do you want to become a breeder for me? Become MY omega?" You whimpered at her and she gave you a chuckle. "I take the scent of arousal and your cute whimper as a yes. Wait for me by the entrance as I take care of some last few things before I take you home."

You reluctantly left her lap before you felt her give you a slap on the ass, causing you to yelp. "Oh my, what an adorable little noise you made, little dove. It might have been a gentle little spank, but I promise you it won't be the last you receive before the night is over. Now get going little dove, I'll be with you soon." You wanted to be obedient for her, you wanted her to bitch you so badly... You perked up when you saw her walking towards you, placing a hand on your back as she led you out. "Come on little dove, lets go home and make your desires a reality."

You were almost certain she could smell your growing arousal as you got closer to her place. Fuck you honestly could barely wait for her to claim you. When you arrived, you watched her open the door and guide you in. "And this is my place, now soon to be OUR place." You looked up at her, hopeful to her words. "I'd never let my sweet little dove live alone. What if an Alpha were to pounce you as you were leaving your apartment? Or decided to break in? Or if you went into heat, I'd doubt you'd get here so easily." She was right about a lot of it, you'd be a lot more vulnerable once you we her omega.

"No... You will be staying here with me. I have so much space here and it gets quite lonely here without a second person to enjoy it all with. Its also not like you'll want to sleep alone after I'm done with you." Fuck, you really needed this woman. "I'm Selene by the way, I might have forgotten to mention it back at the bar Little Dove. Now why don't we get into the bedroom, I'm barely holding myself back from taking you right here and now. I'd much rather be a bit delicate with you at the start though, especially since I don't want to hurt you too much."

When she mentioned the possibility of hurting you, you remembered exactly how bitching worked. She'd be knotting and filling your pussy full of her seed, and biting down into you to mark you as hers. "I can smell your fear little dove, but I promise to be gentle. It might hurt at first since your little pussy normally isn't meant to take an Alpha's cock, let alone mine." She rubbed your back slightly and you began to lean into her hand. "But I promise you'll be able to take it as best I can, I'll help you prepare for it okay?" You gave a slight nod as she took you into the bedroom.

"Let me help you undress little dove." You let her help you take off your dress and leggings, and she couldn't help but salivate at the sight before her. "I love the pink little lace an silk set, and that cute little cock of yours peeking out from the top... But don't worry, soon you can wear sets meant for Omegas. Now, lets remove this last little bit, an Omega is at their prettiest when they're naked after all... Actually, a pretty collar might ad a bit but we'll get you one later."

She gave you a quick peck on the cheek before helping to to remove your lingerie, you swore she had a crazed look in her eyes like she was about ready to pounce. Once you were fully naked, she let her hands wander a bit as she got in close and sniffed you. "You smell so perfect... Now... Lay on your stomach and spread your legs, I'll use some lube to get us started." You did as you were told by first getting on the bed, your raised height would also give her much easier access to your needy hole.

Her touch was cold from the lube and it actually surprised you a bit. "I know its cold, but I really don't want it to hurt more than is necessary." You felt her stop in her tracks as she fell silent for a moment before chuckling. "You're already quite wet here. Maybe your body knows whats about to happens and is adjusting accordingly. You'll be my little omega before the morning it seems." You felt her fingers slowly rub into you and it felt good to finally feel her. You wanted, no, NEEDED more of her. You raised your hips as best you could as you began to grip the sheets tightly, moaning for her, you needed her cock and soon.

"You're such a needy little dove aren't you? You're responding so well and giving me such wonderful reactions and noises. You're making me so fucking aroused my little dove, I can't wait to mate you. Now... I'm going to insert a finger..." You felt her finger enter inside your pussy and you couldn't help but clench around her, everything was massive including her fingers. You bucked your hips into her hand as you felt her curl and move her finger around. You'd probably be cumming just from her hand if given enough time.

"Keep making those wonderful little noises, Little dove. I'll add the second finger in a bit." You felt her against your back as she began kissing along the back of your neck and making you whimper. "You taste so sweet, little dove..." You felt her tongue take a slow and long lick along your neck and face. "I bet you'll taste even sweeter once you're finally my Omega. This slender neck of yours is so delicious, I can't wait to bite into it when I mate you and make you mine."

You felt her slowly slide in the second finger while adding a bit more lube to it. "There we go... Slow and steady my little dove. I'm going to start moving them to help you spread wide open for me, okay?" You gave a quick nod, you needed her to hurry up and mate you. You needed her to make you hers. Then you felt her begin to spread you open with her fingers and you couldn't help but whimper. "Don't worry little dove, you're already so fucking wet. Your body is preparing to be bitched and I find it quite exciting. I wonder when it was you realized you weren't suited to be an alpha, was it when you met me? Did you feel destiny's call as you realized you were meant to be my omega?"

FUCK! She spoke just the right words to make you squirm and want her to bitch you more and more, you whined at her in the hopes that she'd give you what you needed. "Oh don't worry sweet dove, I think you're ready about now. Just let me remove my clothes and I'll be thrusting deep into you in a moment." You felt her leave you, and especially leave you empty as she went to remove her clothes. But it was all worth it to look upon her divine body, perfectly sculpted to make you her omega.

"Like what you see, little dove? Once we're done with tonight, you can see this every day all day. This is the body of the one who will claim you and make you feel pleasures beyond belief. I'm going to mount you now, little dove." You felt her press up against you, and her cock slowly lining up as if ready to enter into you. You couldn't help but push against her as she shoved her fingers into your mouth. "Suck on them my little dove, thats your taste and slick on my fingers. Now... I'm going to FUCK you."

You yelped as she entered you and she began to slowly stroke along your back. "I warned you it would hurt a bit. Just relax yourself, don't tighten up or I can't go deeper." You slowly relaxed into her touch, it was comforting and soothing for you to feel her care. "Good girl" You felt her place a few kisses along your neck which helped you melt into her even more. "Thats my good little dove, relax and enjoy it. I promise you'll be my omega before the sun has risen." You wanted her words to be true, fuck you needed them to be true. You shoved yourself back into her hips, helping to spear your pussy on her cock.

"I never thought my soulmate would be so eager to be bitched by me, but who am I to deny my dove's wish?" Soulmate? Fuck it you didn't care anymore, you'd be her anything as long as you could be HERS. "Fuck you look so beautiful my dove, tongue hanging out, your eyes glazed with pleasure... Your womb waiting for me to fill you full of my children... I hope you're ready little dove, because I'm not stopping."

You began to slowly tighten and clench around her cock, you'd be her omega after tonight and you could feel it. "Bet you can't wait for your first heat, let alone for me to go into rut and just fuck you until you're knocked up. I'll be able to use you to relieve all that frustration that comes with my rut... I can also smell you're becoming my perfect little omega, its seems like you only needed the one session..." You were so close to orgasm and you absolutely needed to cum.

"Fuck... I'm about to..." You felt her shove her knot into you and you let go, cumming on her knot as she filled you with her cum and bit down into you. She claimed you as hers, finally you were hers. Your body began to relax more as you started to go limp. "Hold on now little dove, I got you. You feeling a bit tired?" You could barely give a nod as she leaned back and pulled you with her, holding you close. "Don't worry little dove, you can rest now. Tomorrow morning we have a full day, but for now you can rest." You slowly closed your eyes and drifted off s she rubbed your back. Selene was your alpha and your soulmate now, and you were hers. "Sweet dreams, little dove."

holy crap, uhm just wow great job

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crazyhearttragedy · 8 months

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GUYS I GOT AN IDEA FEM!READER DOING THE VIGILANTE SHIT DANCE IN FRONT OF THEODORE OR MATTHEO AND SHES IN THE COSTUME AND EVERYTHING AND SHE LOOKS SO GOD DAMN HOT AND ALL THE GIRLS FROM HOGWARTS GET TO CHOSE A DANCE TO DO FOR THE MAKESHIFT ERAS TOUR AND HERMIONE HER BEST FRIEND SIGNED THE READER UP FOR VIGILANTE SHIT AND THE READER IS THE BIGGEST SWIFTIE EVER AND SHE GETS SO POPULAR FOR BEING A SWIFTIE AND IS KNOWN AS THE BIGGEST SWIFTIE SO THE GIRLS RUNNING THE MAKESHIFT ERAS TOUR AUTOMATICALLY SIGN HER UP FOR THE ENTIRE MIDNIGHTS ERA AND ITS THE MOST HYPED THING EVER AND ALL THE PROFESSORS STUDENTS EVERYONE AT HOGWARTS GOT BEJWELED FOR IT AND THE GIRLS RUNNING IT EVEN MADE LIKE A STAGE AND STADIUM REPLICA AND ITS SUPER HYPED EVERYONES EXCITED BUT THEY ALL GO FERAL FOR THE READER (in a supportive way execpt for Mattheo or Theodore 🤭🤭)

The Biggest Swiftie: A Hogwarts Tale

Author's note: Sorry it took so long to write this. I've never written anything like this before so I hope you enjoy. It was fun to write!

Y/n paced nervously in front of Theodore and Mattheo, dressed in her Vigilante Shit costume. She had never performed in front of anyone before, let alone her crush and his best friend. But Hermione had signed her up for the Makeshift Eras Tour, and now she was obligated to perform.

She had chosen to dance to Taylor Swift's "The Man," a song that spoke to her inner feminist. And if she was being honest with herself, the lyrics made her feel like a badass vigilante.

But as she took her place on the makeshift stage, she felt her nerves start to overtake her. What if she messed up? What if she looked ridiculous? What if they didn't like her?

The music started, and she lost herself in the beat. She threw her whole body into the dance, embracing her inner vigilante. She felt powerful, strong, in control.

When she finished the routine, she was breathing heavily, her heart pounding in her chest. She looked up and saw the stunned expressions on the faces of the people watching her. They were all silent for a moment, taking in what they had just witnessed.

But then the applause started. It started slowly, but soon the entire Great Hall was filled with cheers and clapping. Y/n looked over at Hermione, who was beaming with pride.

The next few weeks were a blur for Y/n. She was suddenly the most popular girl at Hogwarts, known not only for her vigilante skills but also for her love of Taylor Swift. She became known as the biggest Swiftie at the school, and everyone wanted to be her friend.

As the Makeshift Eras Tour continued, Y/n found herself getting more and more comfortable on stage. She discovered that she loved performing, loved the rush of adrenaline she got from being in front of an audience.

But as much as she loved being on stage, there was one person who didn't seem to be impressed by her newfound popularity - Theodore. He was distant, almost cold towards her, and Y/n didn't know what to do.

She tried to talk to him, tried to get him to open up, but he always seemed to shut her out. Y/n didn't know what had happened between them, but she wished she could fix it.

As the tour came to a close, Y/n found herself standing on the stage, looking out at the sea of faces in front of her. She felt a sense of pride wash over her as she realized how far she had come.

And then, just as she was about to take her final bow, she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned around to see Theodore standing there, a small smile on his lips.

"You were amazing," he said, and Y/n felt her heart skip a beat. "I always knew you had it in you."

Y/n felt a wave of relief and joy wash over her. She knew that whatever had been between them before was gone now, and she was grateful for the chance to start anew.

As the audience erupted into applause, Y/n turned back to Theodore, ready to take on whatever came next. She was a vigilante, after all - she could handle anything.

#y/n #harry potter x reader #harry potter #harry potter fanfiction #theodore nott #theodore nott x reader

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spookyscarydemonbabe · 2 years

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Looks That Kill

A/N- This is one of my first attempts at writing a fic that's a bit smutty 🥰 I've been working on a pretty long smut fic for a while, and though its nowhere near finished, I want to slowly try and get myself more comfortable with writing smut so i hope that this is alright 😅

Summary- When Eddie comes over to pick you up for your date, he sees you're still in your bedroom getting ready. But you don't see him...

Genre- Smut, some fluff if you squint

Warnings- Reader has female anatomy, 18+ content, minors DNI

Tag List- @imagine-all-the-imagines @hellfirewh0re @paola-carter @whiplaaaaaaaaash @ladyapplejackdnd @thatlonelypieceoftoast @efvyqrs @igotathingforeddiemunson @tayhar811 @wistfulwisteriawitch (crossed out names wouldn’t let me tag)

Words- 1.8k

Eddie put his van into park in your driveway, stretching as he exited the drivers’ side and slamming his door shut.

The two of you had made plans to finally go out on an actual date after months and months of mutual pining, and it was such an amazing feeling to know that someone you were so close with reciprocated your feelings. He had promised to be there at around 6:30, but he figured it wouldn’t be such a bad thing for him to show up a bit early.

You had hung out beforehand obviously, he’d been over to your place and knew your family well enough that by this point he was welcome over whenever he liked, whether your parents were home or not. Though they were a bit worried to find out the two of you were friends, he was always very respectful to you and everyone else, and they trusted the two of you to be left alone together.

He saw that your car was the only one in the driveway and could hear how loud your music was from outside, a definite sign that you were home alone.

He made his way up to your front door with a smile, reaching underneath the front door mat for the spare key to let himself inside, your music becoming louder as the door opened.

Talk Dirty To Me by Poison

“(Y/n)?” He called out for you, but he didn’t get an answer, and he figured you weren’t able to hear over the music blaring from your stereo. He followed the music up to your bedroom and as he entered, he smiled as his eyes wandered all over the different posters and tapestries and trinkets that littered your walls and dressers.

Your rooms became somewhat of a sanctuary for the both of you and each and every time the two of you were together, whether it was his place or yours, you always found yourselves relaxing, talking, smoking, just enjoying being around one another in your bedrooms. It just felt so comfortable to be in a space where the both of you knew you didn’t have to be afraid to be your real selves with one another and share your feelings and secrets and it was nice to be able to close and vulnerable with someone he cared so much about.

His eyes scanned over to your bed, and he couldn’t help the blush that spread over your cheeks the moment he saw the outfit you had laid out over your blankets.

A short dark-washed denim skirt, a pair of ripped up nylon stockings, a black riveted belt, and his favorite shirt of yours: a tight, form fitting black and white striped top that showed off your curves in all the right ways.

He couldn’t help but stare each time he saw you in that top, and all he wanted to do was rip it off of you and see how much better you’d look in it if it was all torn up, exposing your arms and breasts and tummy just for him.

As the song changed, he could see that your connected bathroom had the door cracked open slightly, the littlest bit of light creeping out from the doorway.

Shake Me by Cinderella

He could hear you start to sing along and though he wanted to respect your privacy, his curiosity got the best of him, and he just couldn’t help but want to see what you looked like behind that door. And what he saw made him blush more than he ever had before, his lips curled up into a sly smile as he peeked in through the cracked door.

There you stood before your mirror, singing along and moving your hips to the beat of the song as you did your makeup, a few pieces of jewelry and your makeup scattered all over the counter, and all you were wearing was the cutest little black lace matching set.

Just the sight of you made him need to adjust himself through his jeans, and the thought of you wearing that little set just for him let him know that you probably wanted him as badly as he wanted you.

He had thought of you night after night, grunting and moaning with his hand pumping up and down his length just thinking about what you looked like underneath all the cute outfits you wore each time he saw you. And he finally got the perfect view of you he always wanted. His eyes slowly trailed up your body and studied every little detail he could see.

Your painted toes and your smooth legs lead up to your plump thighs, and as he looked over every stretch mark and dimple, he remembered how comfortable they were every time he laid his head onto them. He tried his best to keep himself quiet as bit his lip, slowly and carefully reaching his hand down to rub himself over his denim.

“Fuck…” He whispered to himself as his eyes continued upward, watching your ass move each time you swayed your hips back and forth to the music.

He smiled to himself and tried to keep as quiet as he possibly could as his hand rubbed harder over his jeans. His eyes moved up to your tummy and waist, smiling to himself as he watched it twist when you turned back to look at yourself in the mirror. Just as he made his way up to your chest, watching your tits bounce with every little bounce you did to the music, he groaned to himself just thinking about how you would look laying on his bed in the cute little set you had on.

He couldn’t take it anymore.

As the next song started, he could hear how excited you got the moment you heard it.

Looks That Kill by Motley Crue.

He quickly undid the belt and zipper on his jeans, pulling them down just slightly as his hand moved into his boxers, palming himself as he watched your hips twist with the music.

You mouthed the lyrics to the song as you started to admire yourself in the mirror, hands sliding up and down your figure and turning your body to watch how you moved along to the rhythm. Eddie felt like you were teasing him just from the way you touched yourself. He’d give anything just to touch you like that, but he didn’t want to rat himself out just as you were starting to do exactly what he wanted.

He groaned as his hand started to slowly move up and down, breathing deeply to try and focus on staying as quiet as he possibly could, watching your hands explore your body, tracing over every curve each time you turned around to admire yourself in the mirror.

God, he wished he could touch you like that. His large, calloused hands grabbing at every part of you that they could, kissing and sucking on every bit of skin that his mouth could reach. He could only imagine how soft you would feel under his touch, and he started pumping his hand faster and faster thinking about all the sounds you’d make.

His eyes got wide the moment you turned around and fixed up your set, your hands adjusting the straps of your bra lifting your breasts up just a bit, sticking them out further to make them look bigger. His grip became tighter, and he could feel his orgasm getting closer and closer, but he couldn’t finish now. There was still so much more of you to see.

He slowed his pace, and it was like torture to make himself wait so long to cum, but he couldn’t help himself. He wanted to watch you for as long as he could. Watching you dance for him behind the one door that separated the two of you. Watching your hands move up and down up and down your body, your fingers trailing over the curve of your breasts and squeezing your plump thighs, wishing that he could know the feeling of having them wrapped around his neck as his head was buried between them. Watching you fix up the lace that laid so gently over your breasts and the globes of your ass each time you did a turn in the mirror.

“Fuck me…” He whispered to himself, his head tilting back as he bit his lip, moving his hand faster and faster to try and make himself finish before the song ended. He was hoping that you couldn’t hear the soft jingling coming from his belt buckle as he bucked his hips up, thrusting into his hand and imaging it was you there laying beneath him, just begging for him to cum all over that pretty little two piece.

He grunted and bit onto the sleeve of his leather jacket as he came, shooting thick ropes of cum into his boxers. He stood there still for a moment, his eyes shut as he tried to catch his breath, still trying his best to keep quiet and not get caught. He slowly opened his eyes to peek back through the crack in the door, a few strands of his hair blurring his vision as they stuck to the thin layer of sweat on his forehead. You were still there, dancing in your mirror, fixing up your hair just a bit before leaning over the sink, shaking your tits in the mirror and loving the way the black lace looked against your skin.

He let out a quiet sigh of relief as the song slowly faded to its end, smiling to himself knowing that he was able to control himself for long enough that you didn’t notice. He pulled his jeans back up over his hips, being careful to not make his belt jingle too loudly as he buckled it back over his zipper. He looked up through the crack one last time to get a good look at you before he left and tried to make it seem like he just showed up and saw you starting your makeup in the mirror.

It was quiet after the song finished, and he figured he better get out of there quick just in case you came out to switch the tape in your stereo and caught him standing there in your bedroom, a small damp spot starting near the crotch on his jeans. He took a few slow steps back, but the sound of your voice made him stop in his tracks instantly.

“Hey Eddie?” You called out from the bathroom. He froze completely and felt his heart stop.

“Would you rewind that tape for me? I want to keep getting ready,” You peeked your head out of the door and giggled at him, “and unlike some people, it takes me a little while to finish.”

_______________________________________________

If you want to see more of my work, make sure to check out my masterlist 🥰

#stranger things #stranger things 4 #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x yn #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fic #perv!eddie #perv!eddie x reader #eddie munson smut

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ohc-and-the-music-tapes-archive · 28 days

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Archived interview with Julian Koster about tour, recording, creating instruments and future projects. Seattle Weekly, 19th February 2009.

fragments:

So what's going on with the Orbiting Human Tapdancing Machine? Is it finished yet?

It is not. It's the most complicated thing we've ever attempted. It's very ambitious and part of its original design came from this period of time I spent with my grandpa and I'm trying to kind of be...I want to be true to some of the things that we came up with, rather than just trying to bend to whatever is possible, you know, at the moment, the way that you might otherwise. It's taking a while, but I'm hoping that it'll be able to go out into the world soon. It's also rather costly. Our hope is that maybe by the fall it'll be able to start actually being on recordings and performing and stuff.

When did you first start building instruments? Have you always been one of those people who likes to construct things?

The funny thing is that I am personally very untalented at practical things like building skills and stuff-- woodworking and shop type things. Now I wish that I had taken shop in school. The other funny thing is that in my life the person that knew the most about these sorts of things is my stepfather, and he and I had this horrible, horrible relationship, and so I kind of associated those skills with evil in my childhood.

The way the metronome happened, which was kind of the most miraculous thing of all these projects in my life, was just that I'd drawn a picture of it in a notebook--just drawn a picture and written, '7 foot tall metronome'-- and sort of described what it did. We were at a dinner in Athens, a bunch of our friends were together having food, and a friend of mine just looked over my shoulder and I happened to be writing something on that page and he just said, "What's that?" And I told him what it was, and a couple of my other friends gathered around and they started talking about how it could be done.

The next thing you knew, a few days later we were in my friend's painting studio with a bunch of wood and just starting, and then other friends would come by with little suggestions about the mechanism. One friend who knew trigonometry--he still remembered trigonometry!--helped figure out how to make the dome at the top. Everybody sort of contributed these little bits and it took on this wonderful momentum because it was this fun project happening at this studio and everyone would stop to see how it was going. Within a month, that thing existed in real life. That singular event taught me more about what's possible in this world than almost anything I'd experienced up to that point.

[...]

Your first couple of recordings told a narrative story-- is there a narrative in Music Tapes For Clouds and Tornadoes?

This record is a different creature in a lot of ways from a lot of the things that I've made because it's to me, it's more like a landscape. The other records were kind of like places to me, too, to be honest, but this one felt more like a landscape where one song was a hill, one was a tree, one was a cow...so all of the things belong to each other in that sense. They were all familial and stuff, but the thing as a whole doesn't tell a narrative story. But then each song sort of seems to tell its own story more. And that's what it felt like it was as a record when it was forming. I kind of said, 'Oh, that's what you are' and in a funny way it was quite unlike the other things that the Music Tapes had done, and that felt kind of fun and exciting to me.

#the Music Tapes #Julian Koster #interview #articles #2009

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madisonbeersource · 7 months

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I’m sure that Silence Between Songs is the kind of album that I wouldn't like directly.

(unlike Life Support which was love at first sight) but that I would like it after listening to the songs several times.

for example, I didn't really like "Envy the leaves" at first listen, but now I think It’s a very pleasant song to listen to.

when I listened to “Life Support” and heard “Homesick” (I’m a Rick and Morty fan so understand my emotion) or “Stained Glass” I was immediately won over. from the first listen.

I’m still listening to the album I really love “Ryder.” I don't know, I think it's a moving song.

In “Life Support” there were songs that could make you cry like « Default » or “Selfish” (even though this song is a real masterpiece) or like “Everything Happens For A Reason”. But in the new album there are mouving songs. not necessarily sad.

« Reckless » is a sad song. Honestly this song is clearly the “Selfish” from “Silence Between Songs”. It's about deception, broken hearts...but the instrumental is of incomparable quality.

in « Life Support » , we felt that Madi wanted to talk to us about mental health. especially in « Default ». I felt that. This sadness and this distress.

But I don't feel that in the New album.

I have the impression that she seems to be doing a little better, that she’s still looking for her musical identity a little and that she wanted to prove to people that she is capable of singing something other than pop songs like “Baby” or “Boyshit” which are quite upbeat.

For all these reasons, for the fact that I learn to love and discover the album (and not to fall in love immediately) and that I learn, like everyone else, that she looks like getting better, I give it a score of 9,3 out of 10.

I don't know why Madi is so underrated.

She deserves to be nominated for competitions, to win prizes, if only for the fact that she writes and that she participates enormously in the creation of her songs.

I could even say that "Life Support" convinced me more than "Positions" by Ariana Grande (even if I am a big fan of Ari.)

We understood each theme of Madi's songs, they were intimate, (as if we could talk with Madi) moving, sometimes sad. and above all, they were not talking about the same thing, where Ari only talked about sexual relations.

I don't know why, but I feel that "Silence Between Songs" is well on its way to becoming my new favorite and joining its brother "Life Support" which is already in my heart.

tell me what u think about all this

❤️

P.S : Call me baby, I Know u go home to another one 💃🏽💃🏽💃🏽

P.P.S : My thumbs hurt, I've written too much

P.P.P.S : Can u tag me ? ❤️

@safinkd (you ask me to tag you...i hope that is what you meant qsdfghgfds)

also you voiced my thoughts exactly, SBS is not the same intensity as Life Support, like we've waited for Life support for years, it felt as if we wrote it w her, and idk I think she wrote it in a way like it couldn't have been better...like from the intro to channel surfing the direction the production was INSANE like the songs placement, idk something felt like a once in a lifetime event !

SBS missed on songs like follow the white rabbit, you know what i mean, like dark, addictive, twisted but still w her vulnerability does that make sense? sdfghgfds but you feel me.

but SBS is still a GOD DAMN MASTERPIECE of an album, just different and maybe a lil more mature, it makes me feel the same way as when billie Eilish released her new album like i felt the same way i didn't like "happier than ever" compared to "when we all fall asleep where do we go?" it felt the same way w SBS except i actually enjoy all the SBS songs!

the whole album feels like this gif

yes I LOVED when she went from good in goodbye to default then follow the white rabbit IT WAS BRILLIANT, SBS does not feel as tied up in a beautiful ribbon but maybe i like darker stuff than SBS IDK but once again i think SBS grows on u as u listen to it!!

Positions by ariana was trash ngl ...................................... like a whole album about sex? it's sad imo.

ps; say you hate me, it's okay boy you're not the only oneeeeee

i love you x

#ask

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cosmicwriterof21stcentury · 1 year

Text

Forge the fire that burnt the city down,love, love, only love

Most of the time

I was on a verge of madness

An Incurable syndrome of some sorts

When I found myself crying often at little things

Or when I'd find myself being my own worst critic

I don't know how to let people go

Or let this frustration out

I never learnt how to manage my emotions

So it came out in the most Illogical ways

The lost motivation everytime I'd try to make something

All the crumpled papers in the corner of my room

They speak my truth.

And even more than that I found myself lying wide awake in bed in hopes that it would occur to someone how I really felt

Writing and drawing was only an attempt to reach out

I was mostly afraid of being lonely

And so it did, It draped me in its arms like a never leaving sickness

The one that made my bones crack under the weight of never being understood

I lie alot, specially when I say that I'm happy

And on days when I smile the widest , I feel ever so lonely

I don't know if you read this that you'll understand but I believe it's only human nature to seek validation, I haven't accomplished much in life except for a thing here and there ,not enough to make myself proud .

I am also the person who doesn't know what love tastes like except the crumbs of it that I learnt to lick off the tables,despite being told I've the most unique perspective of life,but won't a victim become the predator when it's been victimized his whole life?

I've been called many things - Narcissist, Irritable, Annoying,A Burden,good for nothing,a Failure and that's when I started to separate myself from the others. They couldn't see the facade of my sadness,My Clinging Younger Self that deafened me to demand justice? What justice? Where's the justice? I lived with her long enough to realise she isn't the one to be reasoned with,so I suffocated her and I killed her.

The ever so lovely faces,the enchanting smiles,the wicked souls and the lost sheeps.

I liked to think I'm better than them,better off them,better of them,better in a way that could only validate my Loneliness.

And when I look at other people's relationship with their mothers and fathers, I feel this Heinous Anger and possibly - Jealousy.

I don't hate my parents,oh no , I don't . That's a crime. It's a sin. Blood is thicker than water.

But sometimes I wish they would notice me,see me or just acknowledge my presence.

I want to feel vulnerable without thinking that it's an abomination to myself.

I've been cruel to my mother, my father's been cruel to my mother but sometimes I see her in my dreams, an image of her burning, she tells me to lick off her bones clean and love her,love her,love her,love her.

Eventually, I learnt it the hard way,but it's true,war isn't about the one's who won but the one who's left.

I often wish I could sew my hands to that of my friends hands , so we don't drift away,but in the loudest of rooms with their laughter I feel it echoing in the emptiness of the room.

I like classical music, the ones with instruments mostly,that of violins and cello and I daydream of being a hero which I can never be. A hero that saves everyone but themselves. A hero that can only be reborn with a purpose,which I do not have.

I don't remember anything from my childhood except a few memories which make me believe that I'm cracked in some places and my being is spilled out from those cracks ,but I only have two hands, so I let them go and Iook at my hands and I barely recognise who I am anymore.

I've lost my sense of self atleast a thousand times, if I could compare, I'm that drawer in the house with objects that don't belong there or maybe a crayon mixed up with other old crayons and I'm barely picked on, I suppose the colour I'm made of is likely the most unwanted of them all.

I get alot of remarks on who I am,what I was,what I would and what I should be.

I like to think that I'm not the first ,and I'll not be the last.

And when I look at my mother ,in my head,I hear a voice shouting do you see me? Do you love me? Have you ever loved me? Do you have this sadness inside you too? And in those moments I forget that ,my mother, she's been a daughter too, a wife,a Sophisticated,an elegant woman raised by a daughter like her while a daughter in her raised her own daughter.

I believe it's a system, a corrupted,a rigged one and on top of that ,A System that only rejects Emotions and is a home to the cultivation of starving each other of love and teaching each other the ways to make skin,hairs,hands and face soft. Hands , only if they weren't so cold to touch,they could've mistaken you were infact dead.

I don't know much about my childhood,let alone theirs but I like to think maybe I'll understand them when I get older,so I keep my mouth shut, I swallow my desires ,I burn my tongue and I speak, only the words that could please the ears of their lost gaze.

And I feel lonely,so lonely,with all these people around me, I feel suffocated.

They all call me their friend but they barely know how I feel, wouldn't it be as good as half dead?

But then I laugh it off, afraid they'll laugh at me. A roof on my head,food in mouth,a mouth sewn close and a lovely household. I hate it I hate it I hate it I hate it-

I miss my father alot but he barely calls me to even ask how I am , so I pretend that it doesn't really matter how does it feel ? Is it cold in the town? Doesn't it get lonely to be the shadow of a father who wasn't even there? A father gone by the afternoon, returned ,fed,sat and he left.

I like to think that they'll love me one day, but will i be the same?

I often reason with myself if I'm not worthy of love,so I get mean when I'm nervous,like a bad dog.

I learnt somewhere how you only recognize love when it's how you perceive love, but deep down I see the spilled empty pages of my diary in my room and I explode, famish, scatter and discard my heart on an origami crane.

I learnt a lot of things , mostly skills that required hand work in hopes that if they couldn't feel my pain , atleast they could see it? How do you glamorize someone's pain without vomitting blood? How to appreciate the death of a person who's never been born? How do you reason me with my ability to see beauty in twisted things when all you feed me is agony and pain?

So I dismiss it,my thoughts,my emotions, nowadays I like to sleep,so that when I cannot turn them off. I dissociate from the world.

It would only matter if you think it does,how can one love a broken,twisted thing with a lost limb and a burnt tongue? Unworthy of love,your foolish desires,eat the burning coal and love them back,love them back ,love them back,even if it hurts. It's supposed to hurt. It wouldn't get better, only you get resilient.

-the end-

-tamanna.

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foreveralwaysanauthor · 11 months

Text

How History Repeats Itself

May 31, 2023

Notes - I've had this idea and the other one I'm working on cooking for ages now and I'm so glad to be able to share them now! Also, yes, the songs I used in different parts are either the songs I listened to while writing this, were a way for me to keep track of how I felt things were going at the moment, or were just fun picks I had in certain parts. I just like little details like that and thought it would be fun haha. So, yeah, enjoy 43 pages of one of my longest-standing ideas!

In the wide expanse of the once-busy parking lot, the only sounds were the faint rumble of a Jeep’s engine and the not-so-subtle chirping of cicadas who had made themselves a home in the thick bushes that had sprouted through the crumbling concrete. The parking lot itself was a hazard, but nobody ever used it anymore unless they were either thrill seekers looking to explore the abandoned property attached to the parking garage or shady drug dealers looking to make a quick buck in the only unmonitored area of the city. However, the group of five seated in the cautiously driven, blue Jeep Wrangler weren’t there looking for drugs. No, of course not. They had driven the last hour or so to the city of Nashua, New Hampshire for something far more�� special than a drug deal.

The stereotypically eighties-style font that graced the front wall of the once-great mall declared the name of the mall with what could be considered “style” if you liked the look of neon-backed, lowercase cursive. At one time, the three-story mall was a bustling hub filled with people of all ages looking to blow through their latest paycheck at Merry Go Round, Camelot Music, Wicks ‘N’ Sticks, or Aladdin’s Castle. However, once the area decided the mall was no longer the entertainment center of the city and the companies inside the oversized, stucco building couldn’t afford to keep their locations afloat, the mall began shuttering its doors. One by one, stores left the mall until, in 2012, the longest tenant at the mall, JCPenney, closed its doors after over 50 years of operation.

To the dismay of many, the shopping center became a hot spot for vandals who left their marks on the property in the form of shattered glass, graffiti, and stolen signage. More than once, there were reports of homeless squatters taking residence inside the center, hoping to get the chance to gut their way through the metal piping inside the walls of every store and bathroom, but most were kicked out by police that were tipped off to the activity. Now, all that remained inside the structure were a few crumbling storefronts and the memories shared by those who once loved the mall.

One store remains near the mall's expansive property - a Barnes and Noble now barely visible through the line of trees and bushes planted around the bookstore’s property line to hide the decaying, decrepit shopping center from their customers’ eyes. However, the bookstore’s plan to ward people off from wandering too close to its derelict neighbor did little to sway people from following the dirt trail behind the building that led to one of the mall’s many entrances. The unmaintained, pothole-ridden gravel would lead anyone to the mall’s main entrance near what had once been a Target. Just a few yards to the left, one would find the crackling remnants of the parking structure. The three-floor parking garage still loomed alongside its abandoned friend, keeping it company through the years despite the building and its concrete companion looking worse for wear.

This, my dear reader, is where we find our subjects for the day - a group of adventurous thrill-seekers looking to sneak their way inside the building. The nefarious trespassers glide to a stop at the ground level of the parking garage, the driver parking in one of the spots closest to the building out of habit. Seatbelts became unlatched and the front tube doors opened as the trio in the backseat simply stood on the seats and jumped from the side of the vehicle. After gathering some of their belongings from the trunk, the group made their way toward the front entrance where, in place of the front doors, large pieces of plywood had been mounted to keep out adventurous explorers.

“How, exactly, are we supposed to get inside?” Carrie asked, eyeing the barrier the city had put up.

“The front door,” Vivien replied with a smirk, nudging the blonde with an elbow as she passed her on her way to the doors. “Relax, Carrie! I’ve done this, like, a million times.”

With a beaming smile, Bentley proudly proclaimed, “Viv’s right. She does this all the time and never gets caught.”

“That isn’t exactly reassuring,” the blonde muttered as her boyfriend slung an arm around her shoulders and pulled her toward the main entrance of the abandoned mall. “What happens if we do get caught? This is technically breaking and entering, isn’t it?”

A scoff came from Royce as he followed Bentley, turning toward the blonde woman with a roll of his eyes, “Viv has the keys. It’s not illegal.”

Although she nodded understandingly to Royce as he continued walking, Carrie turned toward Miles and whispered, “How does she have the keys?”

“At this point,” Miles began with a sigh, “I don’t question it anymore.”

“I got them from the city hall on Monday,” Vivien answered, pulling the padlock and chain from the doors before switching keys and slipping another into the door lock. “You’d be surprised how easy it is to get keys to abandoned places when you claim to be a journalist.” Pausing in her work, Vivien chuckled and turned toward Miles and Carrie with a grin, “I guess it sort of helps when your mom is a state official and you can ask her to pull some strings with the city.”

“The city thinks you’re here as a journalist?” Royce wondered.

Vivien hummed, “I told my mom that I wanted to help Riven document abandoned places in the state for some article he’s writing for the paper. Nobody needs to know that there’s no article.”

As Vivien returned to jiggling the key into the old, no-doubt-rusted lock, Carrie turned back toward Miles with a raised eyebrow and a hesitant smile. “And you’re sure we won’t end up in handcuffs by the end of the day?”

Instead of answering, Miles simply shrugged as Vivien pulled open one of the heavy doors with a flourish and gave an enthusiastic, “Ta-da!” With a high-five from Bentley and a quick kiss on the cheek from Royce as they entered the mall, Vivien turned toward Miles and Carrie and asked, “Are you two coming or what?”

A smirk tugged at the corner of Miles’ lips as he nodded, guiding his girlfriend past the teenager and into the abandoned mall. The door closed once Vivien entered the area, sending the group of five into partial darkness. The only light coming in was from the overhead domes that, at one point, were cleaned at least once a week. After so long of being unmaintained, the windows weren’t nearly as magnificent as they once were and their metal framework had rusted over time, but the domes still allowed some light to filter down on the empty halls.

As Bentley led the group toward the main concourse, he chuckled, “This place is a lot bigger than you said it was, Viv.”

“Yeah, well, the last time I came here, I was seven,” she claimed in response, shining her flashlight down the extensive hall toward what had once been a Best Buy. “By that time, a lot of the stores were closed up. I remember it feeling empty, but that’s about it.”

Looking around at the dusty, debris-riddled hallways, Carrie asked, “You came here when this place was open?”

Vivien nodded, a smile forming as she replied, “During the summers, when my mom was busy working in the town hall or taking trips to the other cities in the area, my dad would take us to a mall. There aren’t a lot of malls in New Hampshire, but this was one of the few malls in the state I actually liked so I figured it would be a perfect spot to film.”

“Do you have a spot in mind already?” Miles asked.

“Not really,” Vivien shrugged. “I figured that, for today, we could walk around a bit and find some places to film a couple of the Dana and Connor scenes and, once everyone else is free on Saturday, we could get the rest of the movie done.”

Nods of agreement came from the others as Royce asked, “What areas do we need for the first couple of scenes?”

Vivien shrugged her backpack from her shoulders and dug through her things to retrieve her notebook with the script they had written out over the spring. Flipping a few pages, she recounted, “We need the carousel, a Halloween store for the fight with the infected and the scene where Dana goes crazy smashing the glass, and we need some kind of book-slash-movie store for the part where Eli and Lani find them.”

“Alright,” Miles said, clapping his hands together with a smile. “Where to first?”

Shoving her notebook back into her bag, Vivien claimed, “Well, I don’t know how strong the upper floors are after sitting untouched for the last ten years, but maybe we should look them over before we start filming.”

“Good idea,” Carrie commented, peering through the opening in the floor above them to see the stores lining the far wall.

Slinging her bag onto her shoulders again, Vivien led the way to the staircase, guiding the others to the next floor. As they walked, Vivien pointed out different locations she knew despite the signage being long gone. Stopping in front of a giant, metal archway, Vivien let out a short giggle, “I can’t believe they had a fucking Hot Topic and I never knew about it. I would’ve begged my dad to buy out the entire store before they closed.”

“How do you know it’s a Hot Topic?” Bentley wondered aloud, peering inside the dimly lit store.

“The archway,” the brunette replied simply. Turning toward the other side of the hallway, she pointed at another shop and said, “Just like I know that graffitied rolling door is the opening for Spencer’s Gifts.”

“You really like your malls, don’t you?” Carrie questioned with a grin.

“Of course,” Vivien agreed. “When you live in the middle of nowhere, you have limited options for fun things to do, but the mall has endless activities and places to explore.”

Ducking under the metal gate and entering the long-closed store, Vivien decided to look around, seeing what was left over from the shop’s closing. It was clear that they tried to sell everything before closing, but what remained was a single rack of unsold clothing and some stands that were never purchased at the liquidation sale. As the others joined her in the brick-walled store, Vivien picked up a set of keychains left in a small bin by the cash register. Ditching them in favor of the packages of long-expired candy behind the counter, Vivien chuckled, wondering just how long the sweets had been there.

“This would be a great spot to film the scene with Eli and Lani,” Bentley offered, poking one of the many chain belts hanging from the wall. “It’s like the part where he takes her to the arcade instead of the bookstore.”

Royce chuckled, quoting one of the characters he and Vivien had written, “This isn’t the bookstore.”

“Nope,” Vivien continued, “it’s Hot Topic.”

��What’s the topic?” Royce added with a smirk, holding the edge of a shirt with skulls surrounding a pit of lava. “Wanting to die?”

With a snort of laughter, Vivien nodded, “Precisely.”

Once they were done in Hot Topic, the group continued their exploration of the eastern wing of the mall, coming across an old K B Toys full of Tomagotchis and demonic Furbys, the crumbling remains of a Rainforest Cafe, and a Bath and Body Works that, despite having been gutted before the mall’s closure, still had the lingering, overpowering scent of cinnamon, coconut, and something distinctly woodsy. Near the far end of the wing, just next to the old JCPenney, sat a store Vivien had only been fortunate to step into a handful of times - Blockbuster.

Although most of the stores in the mall had gone through the process of selling all their assets off and liquidating everything apart from the walls, it appeared as though Blockbuster was one of the last things to go and the managers simply left everything inside. Posters advertising a “closing down sale” were still taped to the windows, beckoning customers that would never come. In one window was a poster for the first Avengers movie, but it was the picture in the other window that caught Vivien’s attention.

“I forgot that The Hunger Games came out the same year as Avengers,” she muttered to herself as they approached the blue-lined store.

“What do you mean?” Bentley wondered.

“I always thought Avengers came out back in, like, two-thousand-eight or something with Iron Man or The Incredible Hulk,” she shrugged. “I guess I was just so invested in The Hunger Games that I cast the Avengers movie aside until later on.”

“The Hunger Games, huh?” Miles wondered as he approached the trio who were busy looking into the abandoned video store. “Isn’t that the book you three were reading the other day? The one with all of those districts and the people dressed up like every day is Halloween?”

“That’s the one,” Royce confirmed with a nod, peering up at the poster with a raised eyebrow. “Is that supposed to be Katniss in the poster?”

“Mhm,” Vivien hummed in agreement. “We should probably watch the movies this weekend.”

“I thought you wanted to do those test things to see which district we’re all from?” Bentley questioned.

“No, that’s what Mick wanted to do,” Vivien claimed. “I’m pretty sure you guys would be from District Six anyway.”

“District Six?” Carrie asked. “How many districts are there?”

“Technically, twelve,” Royce stated. “There were thirteen, but it was blown up in the first rebellion.”

“It’s still functioning, though,” Bentley added. “They just live in an underground bunker now.”

“And what, exactly, does District Six do?” Miles asked.

Glancing toward Miles with a grin, Vivien said, “District Six is responsible for transportation. They build hovercrafts, high-speed trains, and cars.”

“I can see where you got the idea we’d be there,” Miles chuckled. Nudging the teenager with his elbow, Miles smirked and asked her, “Where would you be, kid?”

Without much thought, Vivien began, “Well, location-wise, probably District Thirteen, but if we’re going off of family history and all that, probably District Two because most of my family are construction workers.”

“What about you, personally?” Carrie asked. “Where would you be?”

A hum came from the almost seventeen-year-old as she thought about the question. Soon, though, she gave her answer, “Probably District Three - the technology district.”

“Makes sense,” Bentley shrugged. A moment of silence passed over the group before Bentley piped up once again and questioned, “What about Carrie?”

The blonde in question turned at the sound of her name and asked, “What about me?”

“What district would you be in?” Bentley clarified.

The question confused the blonde, but she was quick to cover her confusion with a smile as she said, “I’m not sure. I’ve never read the book myself.”

“Shocker,” Royce muttered with a roll of his eyes, earning him a swift jab to the ribs from his girlfriend.

Gracefully ignoring the middle Murphy brother’s snide comment, Carrie asked, “You three have read it; where would you place me?”

Despite feeling the sudden scrutiny of the three teenagers, Carrie’s demeanor never wavered, a simple smile gracing her features as the kids took in her appearance and judged her personality. As Vivien’s smile broadened, Carrie’s tense nerves eased and she allowed the brunette to say, “I could see either District One or District Four.”

“Which are?” Carrie asked.

“Luxury and fishing,” Bentley claimed. “I was going to say District One.”

“Alright, so we’ve got two for District One and one for District Four,” Carrie restated. Turning her gaze toward Royce, she asked, “What about you, Royce? Where do you think I would be?”

Though he wanted nothing more than to throw Carrie into one of the last districts and call it a day, Royce remembered he had promised Miles at the beginning of the summer that he would at least try to be cordial to the blonde. Glancing toward the others who eagerly awaited his answer, Royce took in a deep breath and tried to at least be civil in his answer. Meeting Carrie’s curious blue eyes, he began, “Well, if I had to pick a district, I would say District One, but I think you would do better in the Capitol.”

“The Capitol?” Carrie wondered.

Royce nodded, “The districts are filled with people forced to work to supply the Capitol, but the Capitol is sort of like Hollywood meets Washington DC. All of the rich and famous live there among the politicians. You’d probably have a great acting career there or be one of the stylists or something.”

Thoughtfully, Vivien hummed, “I could see her being a stylist.”

Bentley nodded, “Maybe she’d be like Cinna; helping her tribute make an impression with the sponsors through their outfits and sparking the rebellion.”

Carrie hummed thoughtfully, “Actress, stylist, and rebel loyalist?” Carrie’s signature smile spread as she eyed the three teenagers and nodded, “Sounds like a good time to me!”

With a snort of laughter, Vivien shook her head at the blonde before making her way inside the movie store to snag one of the membership cards that were left scattered behind the front counter, claiming she would laminate the paper and keep it in her wallet later on. After a while of exploring different stores, the group continued on their way, eventually exploring the entire eastern wing of the shopping center. The most damage they had found on that floor were some ceiling tiles that had fallen due to the heavy New England snow that damaged the roof fairly well. Exploring the western side of the mall, however, was a different story entirely. If the sight of some furniture being set up around a makeshift campfire was anything to go by, squatters had made themselves home there more than once and it showed in more ways than one. As they looked around the area near the carousel, exploring some of the little outlet shops in the area, Vivien stopped in what had once been a Glamour Shots studio, peering through the floor to the store below that had once been a Game Stop if the signs on the walls for Playstation, Xbox, and Nintendo were anything to go by.

“Holy shit,” she muttered to herself. Backing out of the store, she called out, “Hey, guys! Come check this out.”

As the others left their stations at other stores, Vivien edged her way around the hole to the other side of the store, looking at what remained of the photography studio. A torn backdrop that once had palm trees and an oceanic background sat in the same spot it had once been in, mold most likely having been the reason for the backdrop’s untimely demise. As Vivien toyed with the basket of accessories off to the side of the photography area, a breathy, “Holy shit,” caught her attention.

Turning toward the voice, she found Bentley peering into the hole with wide eyes. Vivien chuckled, “It’s bizarre, isn’t it?”

The blond nodded as his brother joined him, the older of the two looking into the game store below with a grin. “This looks like something out of that apocalypse game you roped me into playing,” Royce commented.

As Carrie entered the room, she took one look into the hole in the floor before taking Royce and Bentley by the wrists and lightly tugging them back, away from the drop of death. “That is a one-way trip to hell,” she decided.

“Since when is hell an abandoned Game Stop?” Royce asked rhetorically, a grin tugging at his lips as Carrie pulled him and Bentley back another step.

As Miles rounded the corner, Vivien edged closer to the hole, looking to see if she could find any games she didn’t have yet. Upon seeing the large gap in the ground, Miles let out a not-so-quiet. “What the hell?”

Vivien looked over with a smile and asked, “Hey, Miles, does this remind you of anything?”

Miles’ eyebrow raised ever so slightly before a look of understanding and mild exasperation coated his features and he shook his head at the brunette girl on the other side of the hole. “It does, and I don’t think either of us wants to have that happen again, so get your ass over here before you fall in.”

With a smile and a roll of her eyes, Vivien chuckled, “Alright, alright, I’m coming. Don’t get your panties in a twist.”

“Says the one with a death wish,” Miles scoffed as he followed Vivien to the side of the hole, taking her hand once she was close enough and pulling her further from the drop. “Was the first time not enough for you?”

With a smirk she’d gleaned from Riven years ago, Vivien shook her head, “Never.”

“‘First time?’” Royce questioned.

“What ‘first time’?” Carrie asked.

Curiously, Vivien turned to Miles with a raised brow and asked, “You never told them?”

Miles shrugged, “I thought you would have told them by now.”

“Told us what?” Bentley asked, glancing between the pair.

Miles looked ready to respond, but Vivien beat him to it, “How Miles saved me from death a few years ago.”

Sending the girl a look, Miles shook his head, a sigh falling from his lips as he claimed, “I didn’t save your life, kiddo.”

“You did too,” Vivien shot back adamantly. “At least, it felt that way.”

“When was this?” Royce questioned.

Vivien contemplated the question before estimating, “I was almost fourteen, so about three years ago, give or take.”

“Since when did you know Miles before you met us?” Bentley pressed, his head lilting to the side.

“Since always,” Vivien shrugged. “Mick brought him, Butchy, and Lela over a few summers before I met you guys.”

While Royce and Bentley contemplated the idea of their brother having met one of their closest friends before they had, Carrie stepped forward with a smile, taking one of Miles’ hands in hers and brushing a loose lock of Vivien’s hair behind her ear. “No wonder the two of you get along like a pair of siblings.”

“What do you mean?” Miles asked.

“Well, you two get along so well and have fun messing with each other,” Carrie clarified. “It makes sense that, since you guys were close back then, you’re close now.”

Vivien let out a snort of laughter as she led the group out of the room, “Yeah, that would make sense, but we weren’t exactly close back then.”

“What do you mean?” Royce questioned as Vivien passed him.

Patting her boyfriend on the shoulder, Vivien turned toward the others, taking a few steps backward as she grinned and said, “Ask Major Dickhead.”

Miles swallowed as he suddenly felt three pairs of eyes on him. “I wasn’t that bad!” he squawked defensively, attempting to ignore piercing gazes locked on him as he tentatively stepped around the others and followed Vivien out of the old photography studio. Vivien’s quick words and the impeccable way she could word things in her favor had never changed, though he never expected her silver tongue to be used on him after all this time.

“Says the guy who stonewalled me for a month,” Vivien fired back.

Despite the grin Miles was sure the girl had on her face, Miles tried not to wince as he recalled just how standoffish he had been to the young teenager. While it was true that he was particularly distant and ever-so-slightly aloof to the girl, he wasn't nearly as bad as she was making him out to be. As Miles picked up on the sound of footsteps behind him and felt the blazing stares of not only his brothers but also his girlfriend on his back, he sincerely hoped they realized Vivien was playing up the situation at least a little. As Vivien led them toward the ornate carousel that had sat fairly untouched since the mall’s closing, she turned to Miles with a smile and he sighed, “Must you make me out to be the devil?”

Vivien’s half-ponytail bobbed as she nodded, “I must.”

Pressing the palm of his hand to the girl’s forehead and lightly pushing her head back, Miles smirked, “If they try to kill me, that’s on you.”

Vivien rolled her eyes, lightly jabbing Miles in the side as she said, “Says Major Dickhead.”

“I wasn’t that bad the whole time, was I?” Miles asked as the others joined them.

With a shake of her head, Vivien relented, “You weren’t. I just like to push your buttons like an obnoxious child on an elevator and watch you squirm under their scrutiny.”

Having heard the brunette’s admission, Carrie asked, “So, what actually happened?”

With a nod, Bentley gave an agreeing hum as Royce looked to Miles and asked, “Why didn’t you like Vivien?”

“It’s not that I didn’t like her,” Miles began, “I was just new to her and her unrelenting energy.”

“Oh yeah,” Vivien breathed with a grin. “I was a little gremlin back then.”

“‘Was’?” Carrie echoed, smirking at the teenager who gasped dramatically in return.

“I will have you know,” Vivien started, “that I am not a gremlin! Mick promoted me to a hobgoblin for Christmas.”

“Okay,” Royce began with a shake of his head, confusion still evident in his tawny eyes. Turning his attention back onto his older brother, he asked, “That’s great, but what happened? What’s the story?”

Climbing onto one of the carousel horses, Vivien claimed, “If you want the full story, we would have to start from the beginning.”

Miles nodded, sitting on the edge of the carousel’s wooden platform, “It wouldn’t make much sense otherwise.”

Shrugging, Bentley placed his backpack on the floor and sat beside it with a grin as he said, “I wanna hear this.”

As Carrie and Royce gave their own forms of agreement, Vivien clapped her hands together with a brilliant smile and declared, “Well, get comfy, guys.”

Royce nudged his bag from his shoulders and set it aside with Bentley’s before moving to sit on the floor with his legs crossed as Carrie perched herself on the hard plastic case they had brought to shoot some snippets of the short film. With a small smile, Carrie said, “I would ask you to break out the popcorn, but we have no way to cook it.”

Vivien chuckled, “Sadly, it wouldn’t be the first time someone lit a fire in here.”

“Anyway,” Miles drawled, urging Vivien to begin the tale of their friendship.

“Yeah, yeah,” she waved him off. “Anyway, I hope you guys are comfortable because we’re taking you all the way back to June of twenty-twenty. You see, I was just riding my bike home from hanging out with Riven and his band when I spotted Mick’s family pulling into their driveway in the rusted, old, piece-of-shit van they should have gotten rid of years prior.”

With a smirk, Miles added, “I had just gotten off my first trip on a flying metal death trap for my first trip to New Hampshire as ‘part of the family’ and was so nervous about making a good impression and being a good house guest that when this one-” he tapped the back of his hand on Vivien’s shin, “-came running up to the house, screeching Mick’s name, I almost decked her.”

“Mickie!” a high-pitched, piercing voice shouted from the end of the driveway, making Miles jump and nearly drop his suitcase.

Miles turned toward the voice, spotting a curly-haired girl in jean shorts and a striped tee shirt running up the hill toward them. It was easy to tell that the girl had ditched her bicycle in the grass on the side of the driveway, the tires still spinning lazily as the girl bounded up the pavement. Whoever the child was, her excitement was palpable as Mick let out a squeal of her own and ran to meet the girl. The two teenage girls met in the middle, slamming into each other with such force that Mick stumbled to the grass, taking the curly-haired girl with her with a laugh. A chuckle in his ear made Miles jump, sucking in a sharp breath as he turned to find Butchy watching him with an amused grin.

“Relax, Miles,” Butchy ordered gently, patting Miles on the back and effectively thumping some sense into his younger friend. “It’s just a little kid.”

“I know,” Miles attempted to brush off, grabbing the handle of his suitcase once more. I just wasn’t expecting it, that’s all.”

Although Butchy didn’t seem the least bit convinced by Miles’ statement, he nodded all the same and slung an arm around his friend’s shoulders as he led the way to the wood cabin near the end of Gray Road. “Well, get used to it because, if the pictures Mickie was showing me on the way here are anything to go by, the two of them are thick as thieves.”

Miles spared one last glance at the two girls who had resigned to their fate on the front lawn, chattering like old friends, and muttered, “Great.”

It wasn’t long until Miles discovered the girl was all too inquisitive. While he was accustomed to Royce, Bentley, and even Lela asking him question after question, Mick’s young friend possessed an entirely different level of curiosity. The child was persistent, he’d give her that. Their first meeting was brash and - dare Miles say it - invasive. While he was unpacking some of his belongings into the closet and dresser he’d been given, the door to his room swung open, nearly bouncing off the wall as the child entered the room with an outstretched hand and a metal-filled smile.

“I’m Vivien O’Brian,” the girl stated as Miles tried to work himself out of another heart attack caused by the child before him. “I live next door. Mickie said I should introduce myself and that I should be nice because you’re nervous about being here.” The girl - Vivien’s ever-present smile faltered slightly as she glanced to the side and muttered, “I guess I should have left that part out, huh?” Her almost electric green eyes found Miles’ bewildered gaze as she nudged her glasses higher on the bridge of her nose and chuckled tentatively, “Forget I said that last part.”

Trying to push away the confusion he’d gained from the brief encounter with the girl, Miles latched hands with her and introduced himself properly, “I’m Miles.”

“I know,” the girl chirped. “Mick and her boyfriend told me that already. Anyway, I wanted to see if you wanted to watch a movie with us. We’re watching Hamilton!”

Although Vivien’s warm smile and cheerful radiance almost convinced Miles to let her take him downstairs to the living room, the almost familiar manner in which the girl seemed to feel at ease with him made Miles pause, taking in her appearance for the first time since she’d stepped into his room. With her neatly curled, golden brown hair, she almost looked like Royce, only with the same bright, doe-like eyes Bentley possessed. Her presence was a glaring reminder of the boys he had left behind - the only things offsetting this premise being her glinting spectacles and the metal brackets with colorful bands sitting atop her teeth.

Taking in a breath, Miles gave the girl an apologetic smile and sighed as he gestured to the suitcase he had discarded on his mattress upon his arrival to his new room, “Sadly, I have to put all of this away before I do anything else or I’ll never get around to it.”

Vivien gave a soft, “Ahh,” of understanding before bouncing once and perching herself on the end of the bed. “Well, a lot of people say I’m not much help when it comes to organizing things, but I can certainly offer moral support, if you want me to keep you company?”

Miles chuckled, shaking his head, “That’s alright, kiddo. You should go enjoy your movie.”

Vivien eyed the taller boy for a moment, swinging her legs over the end of the bed before a smile spread across her face and she chirped, “Okay! Well, if you change your mind, Hamilton is, like, three hours long, so you can always join us and I’ll fill you in on everything you missed.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Miles said with a nod.

As Miles returned to hanging up one of his hoodies, Vivien pushed herself from the bed and made her way to the door, giving Miles a graceful, yet wobbly curtsy as she said in a posh, faux-British accent, “T’was a pleasure meeting you, Mister Murphy.”

Deciding to play into the girl’s game, Miles gave a short bow and returned the statement with ease, “The pleasure was all mine, Miss O’Brian.”

Warmth spread through Miles’ veins as though he had just come inside after walking through a snowstorm as the girl in the doorway giggled, “Mickie was right; I like you already!”

Like the whirlwind she was, Vivien took the doorknob and swung the heavy oak door shut with a gentle click and Miles only faintly heard her scamper off down the hall with a call of Mick’s name as he sat on the edge of his bed. If Vivien liked him already and felt comfortable with him around, it would only hurt her more when the time came for them to leave for California once more. To make matters worse, Miles was almost positive that he’d screw something up by the end of his stay with Mick’s family, so he was sure that Vivien would only be hurt in the end if they did grow some form of bond during his stay, only for him to never return to the small, New Hampshire town. Staring at the door the younger teenager had left through, Miles came to a decision that, regardless of Vivien’s excitement to befriend him, he would try to keep his distance. He didn’t need another child’s disappointment on his conscience when he already had two.

“So, let me get this straight,” Royce began. “You didn’t want to be nice to Viv just because she reminded you of us?”

Instead of allowing Miles to answer the question, Vivien spoke up, “It was more because he didn’t want us to be close before he had to leave.”

“That’s stupid,” Bentley commented.

“It was, but he had his reasons,” Vivien claimed, forcing the attention back onto Miles as the trio waited for him to say something intelligent.

“I knew that my leaving home really hurt you two,” Miles added, his gaze flicking between his younger brothers. “I didn’t want to do the same thing to Vivien, especially with how easily she accepted me as a friend.”

“I knew something was up when he never showed up to watch Hamilton with us,” Vivien claimed. “So, I made it my mission to weasel my way into finding out what was wrong and try to fix it.”

“Did you?” Carrie asked.

Both Miles and Vivien nodded as Vivien smirked, “He didn’t make it easy.”

“And she was a persistent little shit,” Miles chuckled.

“Yeah, I was,” Vivien laughed. “Anyway, over the first week of their stay, I came over for breakfast every morning to try to get closer to Miles and see if I could help fix what was wrong.”

A soft curse fell from the lips of Vivien O’Brian as she stopped to pick up the plastic container of assorted beads that had tumbled from her wagon. Hefting the plastic bucket back into the wagon and placing one of her books on it to keep it in place, Vivien grabbed her wagon’s handle and continued on her trek down her street as Twisted Sister’s We’re Not Gonna Take It began playing over the headphones she’d connected to the Walkman clipped to her pants. The thirteen-year-old softly sang along to the song as she passed the mailbox at the end of the Birch family’s driveway, not bothering to check if there was any mail inside as it was a Sunday. Slipping the glittering purple key Mick had given her into the lock of the front door, the teenager let herself into the cabin, hauling the clunky wagon inside behind her and pausing her music to close the door and call into the house, “Good morning, Birch family!”

Tugging her wagon further into the house to the sound of hastily called greetings, Vivien smiled. Ever since she was little, the Birch’s house felt more like home than hers ever did. While her siblings were at the elementary school’s summer program, her dad was busy with school board meetings, and her mom was off doing heaven knows what in either the town hall or her office, she would find comfort in the cabin’s cozy warmth and familiar residents. There was always a plate of food set aside in case of her arrival and a spot on the couch for her to sit with her books or schoolwork or arts and crafts projects. While she loved living at the winery and learning her grandparents’ trade, there was something about the Birch family’s cabin that felt like home.

Making her way to the living room, Vivien ditched her wagon by the coffee table and took off for the kitchen where Brady was holding the toaster out the window over the sink, a cloud of smoke wafting into the air. “Did you already start a fire this morning, Mister Birch?” Vivien asked as she perched herself next to Miles at the island counter.

“No,” Brady replied, “I just made toast backward.”

At the teen’s confused look, Mack stepped forward, placing a plate of bacon and scrambled eggs before the girl as she said, “He put butter and jelly on the bread before putting it in the toaster.”

“How did you manage that?” Vivien asked, grabbing the ketchup bottle from beside Miles’ cup of coffee and squeezing some out on her plate.

“He had already toasted the bread,” Mick claimed, leaning forward enough to catch the younger girl’s gaze. “Then, after grabbing a couple more slices and setting them aside, he went to the fridge for the strawberry jam and turned back around to get the bread, but took the jellied toast instead and put them in the toaster out of habit.”

With her hands on her hips, Mack turned toward her daughter with an accusatory stare and asked, “You watched him do this and said nothing?”

Mick quickly shook her head under the scrutiny of her mother’s gaze, “No, but the evidence is there and it’s easy to put together the pieces.”

Sure enough, on the lower section of the island was a glass jar of strawberry jam accompanied by two slices of plain bread, a grape-jelly-coated knife, and a tub of butter. Mack sighed, shaking her head as she grabbed the butter and jam and placed them back in the fridge, tossing the jellied knife into the sink before continuing with preparing breakfast for herself and her husband. Maybe that was what Vivien liked the most about the Birch house - no matter how badly someone screwed up, there was never any yelling. Even though Brady always burned something in the kitchen, his wife never yelled at him for being an incompetent chef and, when Mick got the occasional bad grade, her parents helped her as much as they could instead of telling her she needed to get her act together if she wanted to get into a good college. It was times like these that the Birch family made her house feel like army barracks. Although she loved her family and wouldn’t trade them for anything, Vivien sometimes envied Mick for having such relaxed, easy-going parents.

After breakfast, the group gathered in the living room to watch television and Mick flipped through the channels before finally landing on a channel playing old shows. Vivien grabbed her plastic container of neatly organized embroidery floss and the haphazardly kept bucket of beads before settling into the corner of the couch, intent on making bracelets for her new friends. Her first person of interest was Butchy as she had already told the man her plans the night before after Hamilton ended and her father had come to pick her up. Vivien nudged Butchy’s arm, asking him if he wanted to pick out the colors for his bracelet and allowing him to look through her available equipment. He picked out a trio of colors and set them aside for Vivien to use and, without hesitance, she wrapped a measuring tape around the biker’s wrist and used her fingernail to draw the number into the couch cushion. After that, she let him return to the show and got to work on the task at hand.

By the time she was done with the bracelet, Mack and Brady had left with Lela to pick up pizza for lunch and Mick and Butchy were getting everything ready in the kitchen, leaving Vivien alone with Miles, who was busy reading a book. Peering over her clipboard at Miles, Vivien asked, “Do you have a lighter?”

Miles jolted, having gotten so absorbed in the story he’d been reading that he forgot about the girl across from him. Taking in a breath to calm himself, Miles asked, “Why do you need a lighter?”

Vivien turned the clipboard to Miles, letting him see the bracelet she had just finished as it dangled from the metal clasp. “I need to seal the ends so the bracelet doesn’t get all frayed later on.”

With a slow nod of understanding, Miles said, “Well, sorry, kid, but I don’t have a lighter.”

“That’s alright,” Vivien said as she set her things aside. “I’ll just do it later, then.” As Miles nodded and returned to his book, Vivien felt boredom creeping up on her. She watched the other boy for a while, wondering what was so interesting about his book that it kept him so distracted so easily, before stretching across the couch to read over his shoulder.

Vivien fought to keep herself focused on the words as the letters shifted around, forming incomprehensible words on the page. Some of them righted themselves as she concentrated on them while others continued to make no sense. Vivien scowled at the pages before her, her nose scrunching as she finally figured out the first sentence on the page. A gentle rumble from next to her made Vivien glance at Miles curiously, finding him smirking at her in amusement. “What are you doing?” he asked.

“Trying to read whatever book this is,” she answered, returning her determined, squinted gaze back to the novel before her.

Miles tucked his finger into the page before closing the book, allowing Vivien to see the cover. From the picture on the front alone, she could tell it was the first Harry Potter book but that didn’t make her feel any better about how long it had taken her to figure out the single, easy sentence she’d seen. Miles seemed to take notice of her disappointment, asking, “Do you like Harry Potter?”

Vivien shrugged, “My dad says the books are better than the movies, but I can’t read them, so I wouldn’t know.”

“How come you can’t read the books?” Miles wondered. “Are you not allowed?”

“No, I’m allowed to, I just have a hard time reading, that’s all.” Reaching over Miles’ arm, Vivien pushed the book back open. “Dyslexia and all that shit.”

“Language,” Butchy called from the kitchen, something Miles presumed was out of habit.

“English, motherfucker,” Vivien muttered under her breath with a roll of her eyes as Miles snorted at her. Turning toward the kitchen, she yelled back, “Sorry.”

Miles lightly nudged the girl, whispering to her, “Don’t take it to heart. We have a swear jar back home because of his little sister and it’s always full because our friends cuss like sailors.”

“He’s always like that?” To Vivien’s dismay, Miles nodded to her question. “Well, I guess this will be a long summer, then.”

“Sorry, kiddo,” Miles offered.

Vivien brushed him off with a wave of her hand, leaning across the couch where she’d left her spools of embroidery thread, “It’s not important.” As she grabbed the tray of threads and leaned back beside Miles, Vivien smiled at him and asked, “What colors would you like?”

“For what?”

“Your bracelet, silly,” Vivien giggled. “Mick bought me some of this stuff for Christmas and I’ve been making friendship bracelets for everyone. It’s your turn, so I need to know which colors to use.”

Despite a part of him telling him to not let the girl get any more attached to him than she already was, he knew he couldn’t deny her such a meaningful gift. Instead, Miles smiled and asked, “How many do I have to pick?”

Beaming at the older boy, Vivien held out the container for him to look through as she said, “At least three, but no more than five because I get lost quickly with any more than that.”

Looking over the colors the thirteen-year-old held out for him, Miles quickly pulled out a baby blue spool, followed by a pale yellow almost the same color as the banana slices he’d had with breakfast and an orange the same hue as the sunset. Holding them out for Vivien to take, Miles watched as the girl’s eyes glittered behind her glasses, pleased with his choices. As she clamped the stray ends of Butchy’s bracelet with a clip from her hair and set about making Miles a bracelet, he offered to read the book aloud to her. Vivien shook her head, saying he was already pretty far into the book and that she’d have to find the book in the town or school libraries at some point. However, as Vivien settled in with her threads and the clipboard she used to keep the strings in order, she noticed out of the corner of her eye that Miles had tucked his bookmark into the page he was on and flipped back to the beginning of the book.

Then, he spoke, reading from the first page as Vivien leaned against his arm and began weaving the threads before her, “‘Mr. and Mrs. Dursley of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.’”

“And I still have that bracelet,” Miles claimed.

Glancing at Miles’ barren wrists, Vivien shot him a curious, almost teasing look as she asked, “Oh, yeah? Where is it, then?”

Pushing himself to his feet, Miles reached into the pocket of his jeans and produced a set of keys, a chevron-patterned chain dangling from the loop that also held his car and house keys. “I put it there a while ago so that it wouldn’t get dirty or break while I was at work.”

As the two shared a smile and Miles tucked his keys back into his pocket, Carrie asked, “So, what happened next?”

“Yeah,” Bentley began, “it doesn’t seem like you two were all that bad.”

“That was while I was still in school,” Vivien claimed. “Abby and Olly’s school got out on the seventh of June, but I was in until the nineteenth.”

“What happened once you were out of school?” Royce asked.

“Were you guys at each other’s throats?” Carrie questioned.

Swinging her leg over the side of the carousel horse, Vivien moved to sit on the wooden floor with Miles as he chuckled, “We had our moments.”

“Like that time I used his coffee cup to wash off my paintbrushes and forgot to wash it out,” Vivien chuckled.

“Or the time she put a Chucky doll in the back window of my car after we’d just watched it the night before,” Miles offered.

A squawk of laughter erupted from Vivien who slapped her knee as she remarked, “I totally forgot about that!”

“I didn’t,” Miles deadpanned. As Vivien continued laughing, Miles shook his head and resumed the story from his perspective, “I have to say though, I think the point where we really tested the limits of our friendship was on the twenty-first.”

Bentley turned his gaze to Royce as the middle Murphy brother straightened and asked, “My birthday?”

Miles hummed, giving a nod of confirmation. “I was having a rough day knowing that I couldn’t send you a card or try to visit for your birthday, but Viv didn’t know that.”

“I was up his ass the whole day,” Viv added. “Everyone else was busy, but I wanted to do something, so, being the typical nuisance I was-”

“‘Was’?” Miles repeated. “When did you stop being a nuisance?”

With a roll of her eyes, Vivien continued her train of thought, “I began pestering Miles to bring me to the mall or the lake or the library. I wanted to get out of the house, but he was too busy writing in his journal to do much more than listen to me rant.”

Miles chuckled, “I was trying to get all of my thoughts in order when someone began pacing the floor in front of me, spouting off ideas for us to do.”

The scratch of pen on paper always soothed Miles Murphy. Whether it be for drawing purposes or, in this case, journaling, something about the gentle scratch of the pen leaving faint indentations on the paper was calming to him. He hoped the noise would work its magic that day as, from the moment he had woken, he felt as though there was a tensed coil within him, waiting to break free of its confines and send him spiraling into a fit of anxious despair. Today, according to the calendar on his bedroom wall, was June 21st, his brother, Royce’s fourteenth birthday, and Miles knew that it was the date itself that set him on edge.

After leaving his family’s house in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina back in January, Miles had only been back to town once - for his youngest brother, Bentley’s twelfth birthday. They had celebrated on the beach with a box of fudge-covered brownies Lela had helped him make before his drive north and spent what little time they had, together. Miles had promised his brothers that he would return soon, but as his vehicle broke down and needed more work than he could afford to put into it, Miles couldn’t make the journey as he’d promised. However, he had hoped that, after saving enough money for a train ticket as close to home as he could get, he would be able to make it to his hometown just in time for Royce’s birthday.

He never expected Mick’s parents to corner him during a weekend visit and ask him if he was joining them for their summer trip to New Hampshire.

The question was simple enough and, after checking with Butchy for when Lela’s school year ended, he’d agreed to the vacation. It would be the three of them and Mick’s family, taking off at the beginning of July for the other side of the country - what a great summer vacation! To his surprise, Lela’s school year ended early as she finished her assignments ahead of time, her school year ending in the middle of May. They went out for ice cream that afternoon to celebrate and spent some time relaxing for once before eventually going home. Along the way, Miles spotted a yellow-orange, Willys Jeep Utility Wagon with a bright red, “for sale” sign on it and had Butchy pull over so he could check it out. The guy selling the car was nicer than Miles anticipated and even offered Miles a discount as the car needed repairs. Although he couldn’t purchase the car that same moment, Miles went back at the end of the week with his freshly cashed paycheck in hand, forking over four hundred dollars in exchange for a shiny set of wheels. For the next few weeks, Miles showed off his Jeep with pride and took some time repairing some of the more concerning parts under the hood at work on his days off.

As May crept closer and closer to June and Miles looked into his savings more often to make sure he still had the funds for his trip to see his brothers, he was met with a simple conversation that tore up his imaginary train ticket and threw it into the wind like confetti. On May 24th, Mick came bounding into the house with a smile on her face and tickets in her hands, asking if everyone was ready for the trip. At first, Miles was confused, asking the girl if she was sure she had gotten the date right, but to his dismay, she was positive. They were supposed to arrive at her family’s house on the 27th, the upcoming Friday, and get on a plane to New Hampshire in the wee hours of the first of June. Needless to say, Miles’ heart sank, nearly plummeting to the floor as he realized that he now had conflicting interests. Although he wanted nothing more than to be with his brothers, he hadn’t booked the trip just yet and had no reason to say no to his pseudo-sister. Thoughts of missing Royce’s birthday flooded his head and, if his birthday had been back in March or early April, Miles wouldn’t be so worried. However, the time-stalling mechanism on the machine stalled in the middle of April and, without it working, he would have to miss Royce’s birthday.

On one hand, he knew for a fact that he didn’t want to miss out on his brother’s birthday, but at the same time, he didn’t want to let Mick or her parents down. So, after a few sleepless nights and hours spent silently contemplating his life and the choices he had to make, Miles hastily scrawled out a letter to his brothers, listing his reason for not coming as financial issues and stating that he would send some gifts as soon as he could. As he placed a stamp on the top right corner of the envelope and slipped it into the mailbox at the end of the driveway the day before their departure, Miles only hoped that the two, especially Royce, would forgive him.

Now, as he sat on the couch of the Birch family’s cabin, scrawling out his thoughts and all that had been bothering him, Miles wondered if he had made the right decision. Instead of spending the day with his brothers, celebrating with some much-deserved sweets and relaxation, he was stuck listening to the whines of boredom spilling from the lips of a girl just a few months younger than his brother as she paced the floor in front of him. Miles sighed, this wasn’t a fair trade.

“I mean, he promised he would take me to check out the abandoned school behind the hospital and he never showed! Who does that?” Vivien grumbled, gesturing wildly with her hands as she pivoted once more and walked back in the direction she’d come from.

Miles made a noise of some sort, attempting to drown out the girl’s complaints as she continued complaining about how everyone else was busy and that she had nothing to do with her day. He wasn’t about to tell her just how annoyed he was by her presence at the moment although he wanted nothing more than to grab some of the duct tape they’d recently used to repair a leaking hose and cover the child’s mouth with it, giving him some semblance of peace and quiet to dwell in. As Vivien droned on and on about people he didn’t know and things he couldn’t bring himself to care about, he continued scribbling things in his journal, allowing it to distract him from the girl’s complaints and the rising tension within him that he doubted would leave him any time soon.

It wasn’t until the young brunette dropped down onto the chaise part of the couch opposite him and called out to him that Miles paid her any attention. “I guess it’s just me and you now, Miley.”

Miles’ hand froze mid-way through a word, his pen lifting from the page as his eyes slowly drifted from the journal in his hands to the girl who now stared up at the ceiling, her eyes tracing the patterns in the wood high above them. As she turned toward him and sent him a small smile, Miles spoke for the first time, asking, “What did you just call me?”

“Miley,” Vivien said simply, but to Miles, it was like a slap to the face.

“Please, don’t call me that,” Miles quickly told her, hoping his tone wasn’t as strained as he felt it was.

As Vivien turned her gaze back to the ceiling, Miles figured she was done, accepting his plea with ease. Sadly, as he turned back to his journal, he realized that he couldn’t have been more wrong. “I guess it did kinda feel like I was calling you Miley Cyrus or something. Would you prefer Smiley Miley or just Smiley or maybe something like-”

“Stop!” Miles barked, slamming his notebook on the cushion beside him as he turned his gaze back to Vivien. Wide, emerald eyes looked up at him from behind a pair of circle-framed glasses, the girl’s mouth agape as words died on her tongue and shock took over. Miles stood from his seat as he hissed, “You just don’t know when to shut up, do you?”

“I was just-”

“Being an obnoxious little brat, whining about everything not going your way,” Miles interrupted, his harsh, unwavering gaze stunning Vivien into silence. Still, Miles ignored the girl’s almost wounded expression and continued, “Well, guess what, Vivien, life sucks and believe it or not, you can’t complain about it and get things handed to you - believe me, I’ve tried. Right now, I should be sitting on the beach with my brother, celebrating his birthday, but instead, I’m stuck here, listening to you complain about shit I don’t care about and whine about people who won’t spend time with you. After listening to you gripe and moan for hours, I can see why they wouldn’t.”

Without so much as looking at Vivien, Miles rounded the couch and left the room, heading for the staircase. Slamming the door to his bedroom shut and sitting on the edge of his bed, he was taken aback by the complete silence that surrounded him. For the first time in the last few hours, he didn’t have to listen to Vivien’s constant complaints. Leaning back on his mattress, he sighed heavily. This was not how he wanted to spend his day. After a while, Miles realized that, if Vivien said anything about the incident to the Birch family, he would never be allowed on another vacation or any potential visits to their house, but in the heat of the moment, he didn’t care. The kid had pressed the only button he had left, tipping him over the edge.

A few hours later, once everyone had returned home and Vivien had long since left for her house, Butchy knocked on Miles’ door and entered once he was allowed to, finding the eighteen-year-old staring out the window toward the nearby lake, a blank sketchbook page before him. “It’s almost time for dinner, Miles.”

Miles’ gaze shifted as his head turned slightly, not quite meeting his friend’s gentle stare as he muttered, “I don’t think I can eat right now.”

Butchy glanced toward the stairs, hearing the others downstairs laughing and having a good time, and stepped into the room, closing the door and moving to sit on the bed close to Miles’s desk. “What’s wrong?”

Crossing his arms on the desk, Miles hesitantly turned, finding Butchy’s amber eyes on him, “It’s Royce’s birthday and I’m not with him to celebrate.”

Taking in a deep breath as he nodded, Butchy said, “I get it, but at least you’ll be able to spend it with him when we get back. You said you set aside money for a train ticket, right?”

“It’ll be too late,” Miles said with a shake of his head. “By then, summer will be over and he’ll be back in school.”

“What are you talking about?” Butchy questioned, eyebrows knitted in confusion.

“We leave at the end of August, Butch,” Miles clarified. “Their school starts on the thirty-first. By the time we get back home and I can visit them, they’ll be in school.”

Miles watched as Butchy’s expression shifted into something bordering amusement. To his confusion, Butchy asked, “Did Mickie never tell you that she and I fixed up the machine last month?”

“What?”

“We worked on the machine last month,” Butchy restated. “We figured you would want to work on your Jeep and save up money to see the boys, so we didn’t ask you to help. I thought she would have told you before we left.”

“She never said anything,” Miles said with a shake of his head.

“Well, you don’t have to worry about making it up to Royce,” Butchy claimed, leaning over and patting Miles on the shoulder. “When we get back home, it will still be the end of May.”

Miles was silent as he tried to allow the information to sink in. Had he truly been so worked up for nothing? He had been stressed out and mad at himself since the moment he opened his eyes and, this whole time, he had nothing to worry about. All of the stress he’d written out and the gradually mounting frustration that welled within him throughout the day had been for nothing… Nothing… Oh, fuck. He had almost forgotten his outburst toward Vivien.

Miles placed his elbows on his desk and ducked his head into his hands, groaning, “I fucked up.”

“By stressing yourself out for no reason?”

“Something like that,” Miles muttered. Sucking in a breath, he met Butchy’s humor-filled gaze and said, “I think I need to take a walk before dinner. It might help me calm myself down and all that.”

Rising from his seat on the bed, Butchy patted Miles on the shoulder, “Do what you have to, Miles. I’ll send you a message when dinner’s ready.”

Once Butchy had left the room and Miles gave him the chance to get downstairs, he rose from his seat and closed his sketchbook before making his way downstairs and out the front door. Making his way down the street, Miles only stopped when he reached the end of the O’Brian family’s driveway. Resting in the grass with the family’s loyal, one-year-old Saint Bernard by her side, was Vivien. The girl had her headphones on and was listening to some music on her Walkman, oblivious to Miles’ appearance. Her Saint Bernard, Loki, on the other hand, took notice, his tongue lolling out the side of his goofy smile and his tail whipping from one side to the other. As Miles neared them, Loki’s tail whipped faster, one stray, excited wag hitting Vivien in the face, filling her mouth with the dog’s fur and knocking her glasses askew.

“Loki!” she griped, pressing a hand into the fur of the pup’s flank and shoving him away from her face as she attempted to sit up. “Get your butt out of my face, you dumbass.”

Miles couldn’t help the chuckle that bubbled up in his chest, watching as the girl’s gaze honed in on him. Vivien’s smile faltered as she met his gaze and Miles felt his heart plummet as he sat across from her. “Hey,” he offered.

As though someone had lit the fire within, Vivien monotonously asked, “What? You here to berate me for complaining again?”

Taking in a breath, Miles shook his head, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”

“You shouldn’t have,” Vivien agreed. “You were a bit of a dickhead.”

“More than just a bit,” Miles affirmed. “I was a major dickhead to you and you didn’t deserve that.”

“I didn’t,” Vivien agreed. “But you were having a shitty day already, so…”

As the girl let her words die off with the wind that blew between them, Miles shook his head. “That’s no excuse, kiddo.”

“Yeah, well,” she shrugged, “I’m giving you an excuse. By the sound of things, you need one today.”

Miles’ eyebrow raised, “What do you mean?”

A small, awkward grin came across Vivien’s face as she slowly asked, “If I show you, promise you won’t start yelling again?”

After thinking about her condition for a moment, Miles extended a pinky to the girl with a nod, “Promise.”

Vivien quickly latched pickies with the older teenager, muttering, “We’ll see how well that goes once you see what I did.”

“What did you do?”

Instead of answering directly, Vivien reached into the Care Bear mini backpack she had kept with her throughout the day and pulled out a leatherbound notebook with a familiar motorcycle dangling from the end of the strap that kept it closed. Holding it out for Miles to take, she said, “Don’t worry too much; I only read the pages where the pen was before my head started hurting.”

“You read my journal,” Miles stated. It wasn’t a question as she said she had done so, but the almost incredulous tone of his voice made it feel that way to the younger brunette. Miles opened his journal to where he had left off, finding it to be two pages full of chicken-scratch-style ramblings about the summer so far and being upset over missing Royce’s birthday. Although he was grateful none of it had included anything about the double life he and the others led, Miles still had to ask, “Why?”

“I wanted to see what was bothering you and, since you had been writing since I got there in the morning, I figured that would be a good place to start,” Vivien answered. “When you stormed off to your room, I figured I could read your journal to help fix what was wrong. I even tried looking up the price for a plane ticket to Myrtle Beach for you, but I don’t have three hundred and eighty-two bucks to get you one.”

Setting his journal aside, Miles peered over at the girl who had taken to distracting herself by combing her fingers through her dog’s fur. “You looked into getting me a flight to South Carolina?”

“I tried,” Vivien said with a nod. “I thought it would be, like, forty bucks or something because my mom sometimes has to fly to D.C. and says it isn’t too expensive, but I guess flying to South Carolina is more expensive.”

Miles chuckled in disbelief, “I can’t believe you tried to get me a ticket to see my brothers.”

Shrugging at the smile that had formed on Miles’ face, Vivien went back to petting her dog as she said, “Well, I would have gotten you one, but I only have a hundred and thirty-nine dollars in my Folger’s tin, so I couldn’t.”

“Your Folger’s tin?”

Vivien hummed, “It’s an old coffee container my grandpa gave me ages ago and I use it to hide money. It’s really heavy because it’s mostly coins, but I don’t really mind.”

“And you were going to use that on me?” Vivien nodded in response. “Even after how I treated you?”

Once again, Vivien shrugged, “I like to help people fix things, even when they don’t want my help.”

Miles grinned, setting his journal aside and reaching a hand out to scratch the dog who had chosen to lounge on the grass between them. Neither of them seemed particularly keen on talking, so, when Vivien offered one of her earbuds so that Miles could listen to music with her, he obliged. As Taylor Swift’s song Out Of The Woods began playing through the purple earbud’s tiny speaker, Miles peered over at Vivien and noticed the girl smiling faintly. Miles allowed himself to smile as well, taking in a breath and relaxing as the scent of freshly mown grass and Vivien’s cotton candy perfume drifted by with the gentle, June breeze. It wasn’t perfect, but it was certainly an improvement.

“Man,” Bentley sighed, leaning back on his hands, “you were an asshole, Miles.”

“I was,” Miles agreed.

“And even after all of that,” Carrie began, waving her hand in a circle around Miles from her perch on the plastic case, “Vivi was still going to buy you a ticket home.”

Vivien smirked, “I was, but I guess it’s a good thing that plan didn’t work out the way I had wanted it to.”

Royce, who had kept a look of bewildered concentration on his face since the first mention of a letter being sent to him, spoke with a hint of confusion, “I never received the letter.”

Miles nodded with a grin as he admitted, “I went to the post office the day we got back and asked if they still had sent it out yet. The man at the desk was very helpful and searched through four bins of letters before finding it and handing it over.”

A hum of understanding came from Royce as he took in his brother’s statement. Then, after a thoughtful pause, he asked, “Did you at least make it up to Viv before you left?”

“He did,” Vivien answered for Miles, a knowing smirk appearing on her face. “Many times over.”

Miles scoffed, rolling his eyes, “You just enjoyed torturing me.”

“I did,” Vivien snickered, tipping her head to the side and letting it fall onto Miles’ shoulder. “But you didn’t have to go through with it after I made you suffer through one of Madame DeCharme’s verbal abuse sessions and an hour of falling on your ass.”

“I could have,” Miles concurred, “but I owed it to you after acting like such a - oh, what was it you called me?”

“Major Dickhead?” Vivien offered with a smile, giving a mock salute as though he was a military official.

“Yeah, that.”

Lifting her head from Miles’ shoulder, Vivien grinned at her older friend, “After what happened at the hospital, I don’t think you owed me anything.”

“The hospital?” Bentley asked. “Why were you guys in the hospital.”

“We weren’t,” Miles claimed. “Riven was.”

Carrie’s eyes glimmered with recognition as she turned her gaze toward Vivien again and asked, “That’s your skating partner, right?”

Vivien nodded, “He was bringing me home from a band session one night on his moped, and, as per usual, the weatherman lied to us when we left that morning. It was pouring out and, on our way into town, a car skidded on a puddle and crashed into us. I landed in the grass, but Riven wasn’t so lucky.”

It wasn’t often that the phone in the Birch family’s kitchen rang. The old, black rotary phone had been there since the cabin was built in the fifties, but it seemed as though none of the previous owners had the heart to replace it with a touchtone. The old phone was in need of repairs as its ring sounded more like a pathetic whine and some of its numbers had worn off over time, but that didn’t stop the stray call from coming in. To Vivien, it was one of the few phone numbers she had memorized over the years and was the one most likely to be answered in case of emergency. So, on the ninth of July, when the police officer who had arrived first at the scene of the accident asked her who she wanted him to call, that was the number she gave.

She was guided into the ambulance before getting to hear if anyone at the Birch’s cabin answered the phone, but as she watched through the window at the police officer walking toward his car with the phone held to his ear, she assumed they had. Her focus drifted back to her unconscious friend as the EMT got to work on slipping an intravenous line into the back of Riven’s hand. The heavy rain made him look like a wet dog, his auburn hair sticking to his forehead, but the blood that seeped through what had once been one of his favorite shirts and how still he lay on the stretcher made it seem as though he was dead. If it weren’t for his shallow breaths and the somewhat steady pulse on the cardiac monitor, Vivien would be sure that he was. When she reached for his empty, albeit bloody hand, her wrist was caught by the other attendant and she was told to leave him be until they could clean him up a bit. Not wanting to be told off again, Vivien set her tattered Care Bear backpack aside and tucked her knees to her chest, sitting silently to the side and watching the ambulance techs do their jobs until they reached the hospital.

While Riven was hauled off the ambulance and hurried through the emergency room, Vivien was told to wait by herself in the waiting room until her family could retrieve her. Arguing with the man at the desk got her nowhere, but one of the nurses took pity on her and led her into the emergency wing, leading her to the room Riven was in and allowing her to sit outside the window, giving her an unintentional full view as the doctors and nurses got to work on caring for her long-time friend. At one point, a nurse approached Vivien to ask her if she wanted anything from the nearby vending machines, but all the young brunette could do was shake her head and mutter a soft, “No thank you.”

Time seemed to blur as Vivien watched the people on the other side of the window. Riven’s hospital bed was facing her and despite wanting to scream at the nurses for cutting open his favorite shirt, she found that she couldn’t move. Whether it was shock or the fear that one wrong move could seal Riven’s fate, she wasn’t sure, but she remained as motionless as he was on his cot. It wasn’t until a gentle, too-warm hand gripped her arm that Vivien pulled her gaze away, finding Mick’s worried gaze on her as the older girl’s mouth moved a mile a minute. Vivien didn’t register a thing the girl said, but as Mick’s parents stepped forward and pulled her close, uttering words of reassurance, she felt as though she didn’t need to hear them at all. All she needed to know was that they were worried about her.

Eventually, Mack and Brady stepped away to call Vivien’s parents and Riven’s father and Vivien returned her gaze to the window, watching as they worked on rolling Riven onto his side to clean up his back. Numbness settled into her skin as she watched them work; a long, thin metal tool was used to pull fragments of shattered glass and asphalt from Riven’s side, cleansing pads were tossed into a metal dish once they had filled with blood, and someone with a glinting needle got to work stitching Riven’s open gash from where he had caught part of the broken windshield.

The scenario was unusual for Vivien. Normally, she was the one on the hospital bed, being worked on. She had broken her left wrist while skating a few years ago, fractured a few bones, sprained her ankle more than once, and had many operations at a young age. She couldn’t count how many times she had been in and out of the white, bleach-and-citrus-scented walls. Sometimes, it felt as though the hospital was more familiar to her than her own home was. However, Riven was hardly ever in the hospital. Vivien could count on one hand how many times he’d been there since she met him when he was six and she was three - one for a skating accident when he’d taken a skate to the head in practice, another for a sprained knee, and the last time was for a broken finger he’d earned after getting into a fight with someone who had tried a little too hard to go out with Vivien. Riven was usually the picture of perfect health, never needing the hospital for himself, but remaining a constant visitor when Vivien needed him there. Seeing him looking so broken and bloody was unusual for his thirteen-year-old friend.

A gentle hand landed on Vivien’s shoulder, making her jump as she turned, finding Miles standing to her left with his hand still hanging in the air. His icy blue eyes were calming as he slowly said, “Easy, kiddo. It’s just me.”

“Sorry,” Vivien croaked as she fought to relax, her voice still raw from screaming and crying.

“Don’t be,” Miles assured her. “I was just seeing if you wanted to get cleaned up. Mick brought some extra clothes in case you wanted to change in the bathroom.”

Glancing to the wall opposite the window where the bathroom was, Vivien shook her head and returned to looking through the window as she muttered, “Too far. Gotta be here in case Riven wakes up.”

Miles nodded, joining Vivien at the window. Together, they watched as one of the nurses left the room, bloodied gloves disposed of in the bin next to the door before she stepped out and made her way down the hall without glancing once in their direction. Miles observed Vivien silently, watching her almost protective eyes flicker from person to person as they moved about the room, her vigil unwavering. Instead of pressuring her to clean herself off and change out of the clothes he was sure had a mixture of her own blood and Riven’s, Miles took in a breath and offered, “How about I grab some wet paper towels and we can get you cleaned up out here so you can keep an eye on him?”

Vivien’s eyes flicked toward Miles before her head turned slightly, his words intriguing her briefly. Were they allowed to do that? She was sure she looked like she’d crawled out of the pits of hell, but would the cleaning staff be alright with them filling the nearby trash can with paper towels covered in crusty, half-dried blood? It should probably be disposed of in a biohazard bin. Vivien took in a slow, deep breath and let it out. At this point, she didn’t much care. She was wet, she ached all over, and she probably looked no better than Riven did. If it made everyone else feel better that she looked better, she could put up with disappointing the janitorial staff.

Nodding, Vivien softly spoke, “Okay.”

“Alright,” Miles said as a small smile tugged at his lips. Reaching for the girl, he pulled her into a small hug before taking her by the shoulders and saying, “Stay here with Mick and Butchy, okay?”

Attempting a smile of her own, Vivien nodded and watched as Miles headed for the bathroom before turning her attention back to the window before her. The medical professionals inside flitted around the room, talking so much that Vivien wished she could hear them. As Miles returned with a handful of damp paper towels, one of the doctors stepped away from the bed, peeled off his gloves, and left the room, turning toward the group that had gathered just outside the room. “Riven’s family, I assume?”

“Friends,” Mick stated, despite Vivien’s hearty glare wishing for the older girl to correct herself. “His dad is on his way.”

“Ah,” the doctor sighed, scanning the hallway.

“What’s wrong?” Vivien asked.

The doctor’s gaze settled on Vivien for the first time and his posture straightened as he took in her condition. He must have had some inkling that Vivien had been in the accident with Riven as he quickly looked away and stated, “His records show he is being treated for iron deficiency anemia so we may need to have blood on standby. As we aren’t his normal hospital, we need to know what type of blood he has.”

“He has O-negative,” Vivien stated.

“Are you sure?” the doctor questioned.

Vivien nodded, “I was with him when he donated blood for the first time after his birthday last year.”

“Rare blood, of course,” the doctor sighed, shaking his head. “Thank you,” the doctor added before disappearing down the hall, calling for a nurse.

Butchy placed a hand on Vivien’s shoulder as he took in the concerned expression she wore, “Don’t worry, piccola. They’ll get him some if they think he needs it.”

“I know, but Riven can only take O-negative blood,” Vivien explained. “It’s a rarer blood type, so If they don’t have enough-”

“Then I’ll donate some,” Miles interrupted, gaining Vivien’s attention as the girl whirled around. Instead of meeting the girl’s gaze, Miles simply continued cleaning Vivien’s left arm of the dried blood that had settled on her hand and wrist.

Incredulously, Vivien scoffed, “You don’t even know him.”

“I don’t have to,” Miles argued lightly, sending Vivien a small smile. “You care about him and, despite you being a little shit, I care about you. Therefore, if he needs the blood, I’d be more than willing to offer help.”

Vivien froze, watching Miles with scrutiny. Why would he - of all people - want to help her best friend? He had never even met Riven before, never shook his hand or joked around with him or listened to him ramble about the animals he rescued and his band and his obsession with making movies someday; why was he so willing to donate blood for someone he didn’t know? Granted, people did that all the time at blood drives and such, but this wasn’t a free-for-all donation site where the blood would be bagged up and kept in a refrigerator until it was needed. If Miles were to donate now, the blood would be used now. Why was he so willing? It didn’t make sense. He seemed to care about Riven, but why? It couldn’t be as easy as he was making it out to be.

Then, as Vivien scanned Miles’ expression and thought over all that had happened since his arrival in New Hampshire, it clicked. She could see it. She had accepted both him and Butchy fairly quickly as they were friends with Mick and Mick loved them. Why did she think that she was the only one capable of such generosity? Her eyes flickered over Miles’ hands, seeing the care with which he lightly scrubbed her skin clean. He was gentle and had shown his care for her more frequently over the last month, it shouldn’t have surprised her that he also cared about her friends now. As Miles reached for a clean paper towel and brought it up to Vivien’s face, swiping lightly under her eyes to rid her of the dried tear tracks and speckled blood that decorated her tan skin, Vivien sent him a small grin and shoved his hand away, tucking her arms under his and around his middle, trapping him in a hug. Miles stood almost awkwardly, his arms held still in the air above the thirteen-year-old.

His voice vibrated against Vivien’s ear as he tried to whisper over her head to Mick and Butchy, “What do I do?”

No verbal response came from the pair as Miles’ arms slowly wrapped around Vivien’s shoulders, tucking the thirteen-year-old close to him. Vivien grinned, allowing them to stay there in silence for a while before whispering, “Thank you.”

She listened as Miles’ lungs filled with air and he breathed, “You’re welcome, kid.”

“And that was the first time I realized that, even though he never said it, Miles cared about me,” Vivien finished as she rose from her seat on the carousel.

“Really?” Miles wondered, hauling his backpack over his shoulder as he stood. When Vivien nodded, he added, “I didn’t even realize it for myself until I got you out of that school.”

“What school?” Carrie asked.

“Riven and I had plans to explore an abandoned school that was in the field behind the hospital,” Vivien explained as she led the group away from the carousel and toward the stairs. “We were supposed to go the same week we got in the accident and, even though Riven was doing a lot better by the weekend, he wasn’t allowed out.”

“That didn’t stop you from going, though, did it?” Royce questioned, knowing how eager his girlfriend was to explore every abandoned building she could. When Vivien smiled in return, he knew he was right.

“It didn’t,” she agreed.

“Thing is,” Miles began with a sigh, “she didn’t tell anyone where she was going before she left.”

The group continued down to the next floor and waited for Vivien to write down some filming locations in her notebook before continuing to explore. As they reached the Game Stop with the hole in the ceiling, Bentley turned to Vivien and asked, “If you didn’t tell anyone where you were gonna be, how did Miles find you?”

Without giving Vivien the chance to explain, Miles said, “She inadvertently told me while I was having my morning coffee.”

“It’s going to be so much fun!” Vivien chirped, making Miles wince into his coffee cup.

Although the excitement radiating from the girl was undoubtedly infectious, Miles had never been a morning person, especially not during the summer when he had about half a brain cell operating before his first cup of coffee. Now on cup number two, Miles at least had some semblance of alertness, but the child's shrill squeals of excitement were like piercing stabs through his skull. Instead of showing it, though, he simply attempted a grin and muttered, “Uh-huh, I’m sure it will be.”

Vivien’s coily ponytail bobbed as she nodded excitedly. “It’s not every day I get to explore a place like this and, with Riven taking pictures for the newspaper, it’s not like we’re breaking in.”

Miles hummed, “Take loads of pictures for us, kiddo.”

“Of course!” Vivien giggled, toying with the strap of the camera that sat on her lap. “I just hope Riven gets discharged before the sun goes down or else the whole school will be dark and we’ll need to do it another day.”

Before Miles could utter another half-assed response to the brunette’s excited ramblings, Brady called from the living room, “Vivien, your dad is here to bring you to the hospital!”

“Be right there!” Vivien yelled back, unintentionally sending another dagger through Miles’ head. She slid her chair back from the counter and hauled her backpack over her shoulders as Miles smirked into his coffee cup. Her backpack faintly reminded him of the carpet of an arcade the thirteen-year-old had dragged him to almost two weeks prior. According to the girl, the arcade hadn’t been updated since the eighties and, while she loved nothing more than to play Frogger and Space Invaders all day, she wished they would add a few new games or at least update the clunky old Skee-Ball machines that had lost most of their balls over the last few decades and were more there for coin-gobbling than anything.

As Vivien’s noodle-like arms wound around Miles’ stomach, he brought a hand around her shoulders and cleared his throat before saying, “Have fun with Riven.”

“I will,” Vivien muttered before releasing him. She pulled her Polaroid camera into the air between them and the pair smiled as she took the shot. Without bothering to look at the image, Vivien gave it a hurried shake and tucked it into the back pocket of her overalls. “I’ll stop by later and show you all of the pictures I took.”

“I’ll be waiting,” Miles replied as the younger girl scampered off, leaving him alone in the kitchen with his coffee and a headache. It wouldn’t be long before he would be found making his way into the bathroom to retrieve two pills from a bottle of acetaminophen and making himself comfortable on the couch to let the medicine do its job.

When Miles awoke to the sound of a phone ringing, he instinctively glared to his left, presuming it was work calling him in early to do an oil change or cover for someone. However, when he found himself staring daggers at the remote control on the coffee table next to the couch, he realized he wasn’t back in his room at Butchy’s house. Slowly pushing himself up as the ringing stopped in the other room, Miles yawned, running a hand through the absolute trainwreck that was his hair. The television mounted on the wall was quiet, yet still played a movie Miles knew only because of the characters Mick had talked endlessly about after the first time they watched the movie series. As Padmé named her babies, Miles’ gaze flitted over to Butchy whose smirk was telling.

“Have a nice nap?” the older biker chuckled.

“Shut up,” Miles grumbled, extending his leg just enough to kick his friend in the thigh. “How long was I out?”

“Long enough for Mick to go through The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones,” Butchy claimed.

“Long enough for Vivien to go missing,” Mick corrected as she hurried into the living room from the kitchen.

“What?” Miles asked.

“What are you talking about?” Butchy pressed.

Gesturing toward the kitchen, Mick stated, “Her mom just called. I guess her dad dropped her off at the hospital to spend the day with Riven after he was discharged, but when she called Riven’s cell phone to ask if he could bring her home tonight, he said she stopped by for a while this morning and left after he was told that they were going to keep him for another night.”

Butchy pushed himself from the couch as he asked, “And they have no idea where she went?”

“Nope,” Mick claimed. “And she isn’t answering her phone either.”

“Have they called the cops?” Miles asked, following his friends to the mudroom to grab his shoes.

“They didn’t say, but I don’t think so,” Mick said as she pulled the front door open and stepped into the warm afternoon air. “Her dad dropped her off, she spent a while with Riven in the hospital, and took off, so I doubt she’s gotten far.”

As Miles stepped outside and his gaze met the reddened, almost orange sky, Vivien’s words from that morning came back to him. She was going to spend the day in an abandoned school, taking pictures with Riven, and had wanted to get the pictures before sunset. As much as Miles wanted to believe that Vivien wouldn’t go off into a structurally dangerous, most likely condemned building, he had watched the girl climb into a second-floor window when Mick had accidentally locked her keys in the house. He didn’t doubt that she would have gone through with her plans just for the sake of having something to do. Now, if only he could recall where the school was…

“Miles?” Mick called, grabbing the mechanic’s attention as she peered over her car at him. “Are you coming?”

Miles nodded as he jogged over to the car and asked, “Where are we going?”

“The hospital,” Butchy claimed as he rolled his window down. “We’re meeting up with Mick’s parents and Vivien’s mom.”

As Miles slid into the backseat and slammed the door shut, Mick got in and threw the car into reverse, swinging out of the driveway and heading for the next town over. Trees flew by as Mick pressed on the gas, each one taking one of Miles’ thoughts with it. He had wracked his brain, attempting to think of where the abandoned school would be. At first, he presumed it had to be within close proximity to the hospital as they had planned to walk, but then he came to the realization that both the thirteen-year-old and her sixteen-year-old skating partner were athletes and had far more stamina than he had originally taken into account. Miles shook his head, staring out his window as they crossed into Laconia and continued up the main stretch of road.

Not long into their Laconia trip, Mick’s tires screeched against the pavement as she stilled at the Main Street intersection. Slapping her steering wheel, Mick muttered, “Come on, come on! Who the fuck puts a ‘No Right On Red’ sign on an intersection like this?”

Butchy glanced from his girlfriend to the GPS on her dashboard before hesitantly speaking, “Mickie, it says-”

“It fucking lies,” Mick snarled, her foot tapping the carpeted floor impatiently. “If we keep going straight like it wants us to, we’ll end up in the parking lot for the dialysis center and physical therapy offices. If we turn right here, go left on Pine Street, and follow it up to Highland, we’ll get to the parking spots near the main entrance.”

As soon as the light turned green, Mick pressed her foot into the gas pedal and turned to the right, guiding the car down the path she had learned over the years. Following the street’s natural curve onto Highland Street, Mick allowed the car to slow and Miles got a look at the hospital in the distance. The closer they got, the bigger the building seemed to be. Although most of the parking lot was full, Mick had no issues finding a place to park, and, as Miles pushed himself from the vehicle, he scanned his surroundings in the hopes of finding an old school of some sort. It wasn’t long until his gaze landed on an old brick building just behind a row of overgrown bushes.

“What is that?” he asked nobody in particular.

“Just the old high school,” Mick brushed off, tossing her hair over her shoulder as she threw her door shut and hurried to meet up with the others.

As Butchy rounded the car and followed Mick away, Miles reached into his pocket for the phone he had borrowed for the last few weeks, quickly checking the time and his battery before tucking it away. If he had to place his bets, he would have to guess that Vivien was somewhere inside the old building, searching through whatever rooms remained in the structure, but for the time being, he had to see what everyone else had come up with. The first person he spotted was Vivien’s mother, Chelsea. While it was obvious that Vivien was far closer with her father than she was with her mother, Miles knew the mother-daughter duo truly loved each other despite their bickering and rivaling tempers. The woman stood beside Mack and Brady - who had most likely been the first the worried parents had called - spewing off all that she knew and telling them that her husband was searching the nearby elementary school playground and some of the vintage shops on the main streets. Miles tried not to sigh at the idea.

Although he could see Vivien buying twice her weight in vintage clothing or those little cassette tapes she loved so much, he couldn’t imagine that being her reason for running away. Exploring an abandoned building, on the other hand, just might make that list. As the others came up with areas to search and broke up into groups, Miles slipped away, claiming to need the restroom before dipping around the hospital and making a beeline for the overgrown forestry separating the pristine white building and the crumbling foundation of the old school. The slight hill the building sat on was lumpy and the grass looked as though it hadn’t been mowed since the school’s closure - whenever that had been. Most of the windows and doors had been either locked or boarded up, but as Miles rounded the building, he found the perfect point of entry.

A wooden door held open by a fragment of an old cinderblock led Miles into a darkened room that reeked of stale water and he instantly felt the overwhelming feeling of somebody watching him from the corners where light refused to seep in. If it hadn’t been the second week of July, Miles was sure he would’ve shivered as he pulled his phone out and turned on the flashlight, making his way through the maze that was the basement of the school and coming into a hallway that looked almost eerily well kept. A long, wooden bench was bolted to the floor opposite the door he’d entered from and signs above the doors through the hall claimed where you could find the photography lab, computer room, and detention hall. It was as though the school had simply closed early or that he was there before the school day to work on something in the library. The school sat practically untouched.

Miles checked the rooms in the basement, calling out to Vivien every time he opened a door, yet when he found himself alone, he made his way to the stairwell. The peeling, potentially toxic paint that had lined the old building’s stairwell had begun chipping away many years ago, leaving piles of white splotches all over the stairs and landings, but Miles couldn’t care less as he continued onward. Although some rooms were barricaded with heavy metal bars and padlocks, Miles still made his way through each floor, searching for the young teenager. Each floor made him feel more lost than he already was and more like he had overestimated Vivien’s drive for adventure, yet as he stepped onto the landing for the fourth and final floor, he was horrified to find that he had been right.

The auditorium had once been a grand sight, Miles was sure. The pale blue walls and hardwood floors shone as though they’d been cleaned that morning, the beams high above the room had most likely been the home to many decorations for school dances and pep rallies, and the small stage at the far end of the room had presumably been used for school plays over the years, but Miles highly doubted the large hole in the floor had been there for long. Near the stage, the floor sagged, creating a drop to the room below that Miles could just barely tell had once been a science classroom. The wood panels of the auditorium floor had been torn apart by water damage and, after years of sitting abandoned, collapsed under the stress, leaving a gaping hole before the stage that would have been nearly impossible to cross.

However, it seemed as though a certain Vivien O’Brian was exempt from following the laws of physics. Miles had to wonder how she had gotten to the stage, but after seeing the girl free-climb up the side of their house, he wasn’t surprised she had found her way there. Her backpack rested on the floor, her camera had been set aside, and, as Miles inched further into the crumbling room, he could make out her little cassette player resting atop her bag, the cord extending to the young girl who sat in a ball, pressed against the wall. Miles had to give her points for staying close to where the foundation would be more structurally sound, but he had to wonder why she had stayed there for so long.

“Vivien?” he called, his voice echoing in the large, empty room. Sadly, his call did nothing. Vivien stayed in her tiny ball, curled around herself like a turtle trying to protect itself. Digging through his pockets for something to toss at the young girl, Miles pulled out a receipt from their recent shopping trip and rolled it into a crumpled ball. The ball sailed through the air before bouncing off Vivien’s shoulder and rolling to the side.

The light tap was enough to make the younger girl jump, her wide-eyed gaze snapping up to the ceiling as though something had fallen on her. Miles called out to Vivien again and, this time, she spotted him. “Miles?” she called as she tugged her earbuds out of her ears, allowing one of the songs her mother played all the time - ABBA's Waterloo - to play in the otherwise quiet auditorium.

“Hey, kid,” he offered with a smile. “Everyone’s been looking for you.”

“I didn’t know.” Reaching into her pocket, Vivien held up her phone and said, “It died a while ago.”

“That’s alright,” Miles brushed off. “Let’s just go before they call in the SWAT teams.”

“I can’t,” Vivien claimed, shoving her phone back into her pocket and tucking her camera into her backpack with her Walkman.

“What do you mean?”

“I got up here using one of the boards that fell from the ceiling,” she explained. Vivien crawled to the edge of the stage and pointed down into the hole, “It fell in the hole after I got across and I tried calling for help, but the reception in here is trash.”

Peering into the hole, Miles spotted the wooden plank resting across what had once been a teacher’s desk and breathed, “Shit.”

“Yeah,” Vivien muttered. “To make it worse, there’s nothing on this side that could get me out either. I checked.”

“What is there?”

Vivien shrugged, “Mostly just some moldy old costumes and rotted-out instruments.”

Miles sighed thoughtfully, shaking his head. That stuff wouldn’t help them at all. They needed to find a way around the hole or over it. “Are you sure there are no doors to the hallway?”

Vivien settled a quizzical look on Miles as she asked in return, “Don’t you think I would have been out of here by now if there was?”

Miles scoffed, “I get that. I’m just making sure.”

“No,” Vivien began, “there are no doors that I could have easily escaped with behind the stage.”

“Alright,” Miles nodded. Looking around the room, he frowned. Other than a closet full of miscellaneous decorations and a doorway looking as though it would lead to their death if they stepped inside, there wasn’t much to use. Looking down into the science lab, Miles took in a deep breath and turned his gaze toward Vivien once more, “Do you think you can yell into the hole for me?”

Vivien’s eyebrow raised into her curtain of bangs as her head tipped to the side, “Why?”

“I’m going to go down a floor and see if I can find the room the board fell into,” Miles decided. “If I can get in there, I can hand the board back up to you and we can get you back across.”

Miles watched as Vivien cautiously leaned over the edge of the stage, looking down into the classroom before backing up once again. Instead of meeting Miles’ gaze, Vivien scooted away from the edge and reached into her backpack, pulling out a set of walkie-talkies. She made her way back toward the edge before tossing one across the gap to Miles who caught it with ease. “Take that with you,” she told him. “Riven and I were supposed to use them in case one of us got separated. Push the red button when you want to talk and let me know when you get downstairs.”

Miles examined the walkie-talkie with a grin, “I will. Are you sure you’ll be alright up here by yourself?”

“I’ve done it for this long already,” she shrugged. Brushing Miles off with a wave, Vivien smirked, “Go ahead. I’ll be fine.”

With a nod, Miles made his way back into the hallway and found his way to the stairs, taking the steps two at a time as he made his way to the third floor. Pressing the red button as he pushed open the door to the hallway, Miles moved the walkie-talkie closer to his mouth and said, “I’m on the third floor, kid. Give me a call.”

“Got it,” came Vivien’s response. The walkie-talkie buzzed as Vivien ended her side of it and Miles held his breath, listening for any kind of noise in the silent old building. Then, he heard a faint, “Marco!”

Miles chuckled, pressing the button again and replying with a confused, “Polo?”

“Oh, good, you heard me!” Vivien’s voice came over the device. “I’ll keep going. Let me know when you find the lab.”

“I will.”

“Good,” Vivien said before ending the conversation. Not long after, Miles heard another distant call of, “Marco!”

“Polo,” he muttered to himself, following the voice to his left. The hallway felt endless as Miles ran past classrooms for accounting, literature, and trigonometry.

“Marco!” Vivien’s voice sounded louder as Miles reached an intersection in the hallway.

“Who built this fucking maze?” he grumbled.

Stalling in the hallway, Miles looked around at the signs above the doors in either direction. There were a handful of classrooms related to scientific studies - a chemistry laboratory, a biology classroom, and a forensic science room - but Miles wasn’t sure which one to choose until Vivien’s call of “Marco,” pulled his attention to the hallway that was now to his right.

“Chemistry or Forensics?” Miles asked himself, peering between the doors. Then, once again, Vivien called and he narrowed it down to the chemistry lab. To his dismay, the door handle refused to turn. Bringing the walkie-talkie up once more, he said, “I’m here, but the door is locked.”

A moment later, Vivien called through the floor, “Can you kick it in?”

“I doubt it,” Miles claimed.

“What about the window?” Vivien offered. “If you break the window, you might be able to reach the handle and let yourself in.”

Miles had to admit, it was a good idea. While he certainly couldn’t kick open the window, he could break it if he had something strong enough. Glancing down the hall, Miles sighed, “I’m going to see if I can find something to break it with.”

Miles could almost imagine Vivien nodding to him as she called, “Be careful.”

Nodding to himself, Miles made his way through the hall, checking doors to see which ones were open and which weren’t. Most of the classrooms were locked or barricaded, but as Miles found a weight room at the far end of the hall, a smile split his features. Grabbing one of the metal weightlifting bars, Miles hurried back to the classroom and took a deep breath. Miles’ first attempt at ramming the bar into the window did little more than crack the thickened glass, but as he stood to the side and swung the bar into the glass like a baseball player aiming for a home run, the glass shattered, shards falling into the classroom as Miles used the bar to clear the shards away from the window frame. Discarding the metal pole in the hallway, Miles reached into the classroom and twisted the lock on the door handle before pulling his arm back out of the window and forcing his way into the room.

Vivien let out a cheer of excitement as Miles entered the room below her, hauling her backpack full of belongings onto her shoulders. “Yeah!” she cheered. “Let’s go! That was so badass!”

Miles let out a breath of a laugh as he made his way further into the classroom, “I never thought I would add breaking and entering to my rap sheet.”

“You have a rap sheet?” Vivien questioned, her emerald eyes glittering with the very thought.

“No,” Miles chuckled, “but if I keep spending time with you, I just might.”

Vivien’s eyes rolled as Miles grabbed the wooden plank and handed it to her through the gap in the floor. Pulling it up, Vivien examined the wood and frowned, peering into the hole at Miles, who watched her expectantly. “Miles?”

“Yeah?”

“I think the plank broke when it fell.”

“What do you mean?”

Instead of answering, Vivien carefully shifted the plank over the gap in the floor, using her foot to hold it in place as the end of the old wood ended just a few feet away from the other side. After setting the board aside, she said, “I’m not going to make it across.”

Shaking his head, Miles said, “I’ll think of another way, then, don’t worry.”

“Easy for you to say,” Vivien mumbled, sitting back down on the edge of the stage.

Miles peered around the classroom. Apart from the immovable lab tables and the teacher’s desk, there wasn’t much in the room that Miles could send up to the girl. However, it would be just enough for Vivien to come down. Making his way behind the teacher’s deck, Miles pushed it until it was underneath the hole in the ceiling, giving Vivien a higher platform to land on. Then, he grabbed one of the raised stools the students once sat on and placed it on the desk before climbing onto the desk and asking Vivien, “Do you think you could come down to me?”

Peering over the edge, Vivien stared down at the landing platform Miles had created and asked, “Are you sure that’s safe?”

“Not really,” Miles said, not wanting to lie to the girl, “but it’s the best option we have at the moment.”

Vivien took in a deep breath and nodded slowly, “I can try.”

“You’ve got this, kiddo,” Miles reassured. “I’ve seen Riven throw you higher than this before and I’m here to catch you just in case. You’ll do fine.”

“If you say so,” Vivien breathed, turning around so she could cling to the edge of the stage as she dangled in the air.

“Just move slowly, alright?” Miles asked, taking a step across the desk so that he could move the stool under Vivien’s legs.

“Okay,” Vivien replied, inching herself over the edge of the hole. The stage bowed under her arms, shifting with her weight as she lowered herself further into the gap between floors. As she shifted from using her elbows to hold her weight to her hands, Vivien felt Miles take hold of her calves, keeping her steady.

Nudging the stool under Vivien’s feet, Miles said, “You’re doing great. Just a little further and-”

“I can’t go any further!” Vivien interrupted. “I’m just hanging here by my hands.”

Looking up, Miles found that she was right. Although there was maybe a foot or two between Vivien and the stool below her, she couldn’t lower herself any further. Abandoning his plans and kicking the stool from the desk, Miles moved under Vivien and said, “That’s fine. I’ve got you anyway.”

“You do?”

Although he wasn’t entirely sure he did, Miles said, “Yeah. Just drop down and I’ll catch you.”

“Are you sure?” Vivien asked softly, determined to keep her gaze on the metal beams above her.

“I’m sure,” Miles affirmed. “I’ve got you, I promise.”

Taking a deep breath, Vivien hoped he was right as she let her hands slip away from the edge of the stage, dropping through the floor of the auditorium. Arms wrapped around her waist and Vivien brought her arms around Miles’ shoulders as he secured her landing. “Holy shit,” she exhaled.

Miles chuckled, lowering Vivien to the desk below them, “I told you that you could do it.”

Backing away from Miles, Vivien smiled, “That was kinda fun.”

“Yeah, let’s not do that again,” Miles suggested with a shake of his head, jumping from the side of the desk to the floor.

“Fine,” Vivien huffed dramatically. “Suck all the fun out of it, why don’t you?”

Miles handed Vivien her walkie-talkie back as she hopped down from the desk and allowed her to make fun of him as they began making their way down to the exit, kicking the small cinderblock out of the doorway before stepping out onto the grass. “Did you get any good pictures?” he asked once she was done taunting him for not wanting to live a life of adventure.

“Some,” Vivien shrugged as she walked alongside him. A moment of silence passed between them as Miles pulled out his phone, but Vivien was quick to ask, “You aren’t going to tell my parents what happened in there, are you?”

“I was going to,” Miles nodded. “Why?”

“I just don’t want them to start yelling again,” Vivien shrugged.

“Yelling?” Miles asked.

“Mhm,” she confirmed. “They’ve been yelling a lot lately. If it isn’t about their jobs or the bills or the winery, it’s about me doing stupid shit.”

Miles allowed the girl a moment in case she wanted to backtrack, yet she never wavered, so he asked, “Like what?”

“Well, the accident was a big issue for them,” she sighed. “My mom was all pissy because-“ Vivien put on a nasally, snobby voice as she mimicked her mother - “‘she should have known better than to ride on his shitty moped in the rain’ and my dad was arguing that I’m just a kid and that it was entirely out of my control. Last night, my parents got so loud that I could hear their fight over my sleep videos. It stopped after my dad mentioned divorce again.”

“He’s talked about it before?” Miles wondered, holding the branch of a bush out of the way so that Vivien could pass under it.

Vivien nodded, “They both have.”

“I’m sorry,” he uttered. “It must be hard to overhear that sort of thing.”

“I’m sort of used to it by now,” she shrugged. “That’s why I was hoping you weren’t going to tell them I was in there. They’ll just yell at me when we get home and I hate it when people yell.”

Miles took in a deep breath and extended a pinky to the girl as they reached the parking lot, “I won’t tell them if you won’t.”

Vivien smirked at the idea and wrapped her finger around his, “Sounds like a deal.”

“Did they still yell at you?” Bentley asked as he tucked his things into the Jeep’s trunk and rounded the vehicle, climbing in over the back tire.

“Not as bad as I thought they would,” Vivien claimed as she pulled her seatbelt across her lap. “Miles and I told them that I was at my friend’s house since it was in the area and I think they were a bit better with that than they would have been if we had told them the truth.”

Carrie settled into her seat beside Miles and turned back to the younger girl with a smile, “I’m just glad you two made it out safely.”

“I think we all are,” Royce claimed, taking Vivien’s hand in his and kissing the back of it.

“Ugh,” Bentley groaned. “Why did you have to make it all romantic and gross, RJ?”

With a maniacal cackle, Vivien leaned over to the blonde and took the collar of his shirt in her hands as he pressed himself as far back as the metal bars of the Jeep would allow. Despite Bentley’s efforts, Vivien’s kiss to his cheek still landed and he was quick to wipe it away with grumbling complaints as Vivien cheered victoriously and Royce laughed at them. Carrie pushed her sunglasses into place and relaxed against her seat as the chaos in the backseat only grew. Miles watched the trio as he settled into the driver’s seat and started the car, shaking his head as he rhetorically asked, “What am I going to do with the three of them?”

Glancing toward the backseat, Carrie watched as Bentley kneed Miles’ seat, Vivien shoved her boyfriend, and Royce gave Vivien a look of feigned surprise. The three were chaos incarnate and, as Miles sighed like an exasperated parent beside her, Carrie laced their fingers together over the center console and offered, “Love them the way you always have?”

Smiling at his girlfriend as the children in the backseat began singing along with the radio, Miles brought her knuckles to his lips and said, “I like that idea.”

#one-shot #writing

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poemofthestars · 7 months

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ੈ✩• 𝖘𝖔𝖑𝖔: 𝖓𝖔𝖗𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖓 𝖑𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙𝖘, 𝖕𝖆𝖗𝖙 𝖙𝖍𝖗𝖊𝖊 • ੈ✩

it doesn’t get easier; you just wrap it up, make it a part of your bones and blood, and learn to tear down its walls slowly.

ੈ✩• 𝖕𝖍𝖆𝖘𝖊 𝖔𝖓𝖊, 𝖆𝖈𝖙 𝖙𝖍𝖗𝖊𝖊 • ੈ✩

The past haunts us, shaping who we are and who we will become. No matter how much we run from it, we can never truly run from the past because, one way or another, it will show you what you are hiding from. Cataleya Rousseau was hiding from her past because she had blood on her hands; her father’s blood was on her hands, and no matter how hard she tried to scrub the blood away, she could never stop seeing the red color on her hands. She would always have to deal with losing her dad because of her selfish needs. The hatred that her stepmother felt for her was because of his death. The distance between Cataleya and Jayden only grew after his death. The relationship wasn’t strong before the death, but it only worsened because Cataleya separated herself from everyone. Melina, her best friend, couldn’t get Cataleya out of her funk, out of the darkness, because Cataleya felt that she didn’t deserve happiness and that if she ever found happiness—true happiness then she would have completely betrayed her father, it wasn’t fair that he lost his life that night. All she had was a few scratches and the pain in her lower back. That was nothing; her medicine couldn’t fix, but Cataleya just wished she didn’t exist anymore. It wasn’t like she was genuinely living anymore; she was just existing. Nothing felt right about her existence anymore, and the more she fought it, the harder it became for her.

“I've been doomed from the start everything around me falls apart. I always end up with a broken heart. Even Tylenol can't fix me unless it's mixed with whiskey. Nothing can excite me anymore like you used to. When I feel good, it never lasts. That's why you can find me living in the past if needed. Everybody says this shit will pass, and I say it won't, but they don't believe me. Just tell me to breathe. Falling apart; don't know what to do, looking for someone to save me, I don't know who.” The words mused from the speaker, and her head bobbed along with the music as the pads of her slender digit glided on the photo. Her hues scanned the picture of Cataleya and her father; the pair had similar smiles as the young girl wrapped her tiny legs around his torso. His palms rested on her back while the other hand held the sunflower.

Cataleya forgot how many times she had looked at this picture, but it gave her hope, a time in her life when she was truly happy and didn’t have this shadow following her. It was a simple time in her life, and she wished they could return to that time. Stray tears glided down her porcelain cheek as her head rattled slightly, the droplet hitting the photo; it flowed down her father’s face, lifting her head as her green eyes fixated on her reflection in the mirror, which hung on the wall.

。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

“ɪꜰ ɪ ʟɪᴠᴇᴅ ɪɴ ᴀ ʜᴏᴜꜱᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ɴᴏ ᴍɪʀʀᴏʀꜱ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀʟʟꜱ ᴅɪᴅɴ'ᴛ ᴛᴀʟᴋ ʙᴀᴄᴋ ᴀᴛ ᴍᴇ; ᴍᴀʏʙᴇ ɪ'ᴅ ᴅʀᴇᴀᴍ ᴀ ʙɪᴛ ʙɪɢɢᴇʀ, ɪꜰ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴡᴀꜱ ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ꜱᴇᴇ. ɪꜰ ɪ ʟɪᴠᴇᴅ ɪɴ ᴀ ʜᴏᴜꜱᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ɴᴏ ᴍɪʀʀᴏʀꜱ ᴡʜᴇʀᴇ ᴛʜᴇ ᴡᴀʟʟꜱ ᴅɪᴅɴ'ᴛ ᴘɪᴄᴋ ᴍᴇ ᴀᴘᴀʀᴛ; ᴍᴀʏʙᴇ ᴍʏ ꜱᴋɪɴ ᴡᴏᴜʟᴅ ʙᴇ ᴛʜɪᴄᴋᴇʀ, ɪꜰ ɪ ʟɪᴠᴇᴅ ɪɴ ᴀ ʜᴏᴜꜱᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ɴᴏ ᴍɪʀʀᴏʀꜱ.”

‎˖ ࣪ 𖥔 ࣪ ˖ ་ 𝖋𝖑𝖆𝖘𝖍𝖇𝖆𝖈𝖐, 𝖌𝖔𝖔𝖉𝖇𝖞𝖊 𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖕𝖎𝖓𝖊𝖘𝖘 ˖ ࣪ 𖥔 ࣪ ˖

“Dad? Dad? Daddy, where are you?” Her voice echoed in the narrow hallway, her head rattling as the clicking of her shoes was the only sound she heard other than her voice. A muted sigh emitted from the depths of her throat as her slender digits coaxed with the brass door knob, which she twisted and caused the door to creep open. Cataleya rested her head against the door frame, her arms crossed against her breast, shaking her head slightly. “How is the writing coming, Dad?” The smile curled upon her lips; her mossy hues scanned his features as he lifted his head upward from the lit screen, his smile mirroring hers as he nodded a few times. “Yes, baby girl. I think this was the best novel I've ever written. How was dinner with your mother?” The smile on her lips slowly turned into a frown, and her head rattled as her hues rolled in their orbits, “I don’t want to talk about that.” Cataleya could feel her father’s eyes on her, and he sighed as he rose to his feet and approached her petite physique. “You have to try, pumpkin.” She nodded her head a few times at her father’s words. “I understand, Dad. I am trying, but you promised to continue our nightly drive if I had dinner with her. Can we go now?” He chuckled as he nodded his head. “I promised to meet you in the car, pumpkin.”

Cataleya knew she should make things right with her stepmother, but whenever she tried to give her a chance, she always made Cataleya feel less of herself. At times, she felt that her stepmother didn’t even love her. Cataleya figured that Angelica wanted her out of the way so that she could have her father to herself. The only person she knew loved her with their whole heart was her father; she knew that he would never leave her, and she just loved him completely. It was the purest love the young girl had ever experienced, and she never wanted to live without him. He was the only person who understood her and didn’t judge her. Her father was her happiness; she never wanted to know what life would feel like without him.

“Why is this light not green yet? We’ve been sitting here for almost thirty minutes.” Rolling sage eyes into their orbits, her lengthy legs rested against the dashboard as she leaned back in the comforts of the leather seating. “Pumpkin, we have to have patience. I know you want to make it to Blockbuster before they close, but let’s be patient.” A muted sigh escaped her throat, and her head shook as her eyes shifted towards her father. “It’s almost ten thirty, and they close at eleven thirty.”

“I just don’t see the point of waiting for the light to turn green when this street is dead. We’ve seen maybe three other cars on this road. Can we please go? I’ve been dying for this movie, but all my friends won’t stop discussing it. Please? Please?” Cataleya batted her lashes in his direction, her lips turned into a faux pout, and her father laughed lightly and nodded his head before shifting his gaze towards the road.

“Pumpkin, you always know how to twist my arm. I’ll take the risk, but this movie better be worth it. What’s the name of this movie, again?”

The sound of a horn caused her father to grip the steering wheel, the movement of the rattling car caused screams to erupt from her father’s lips, and Cataleya’s dainty digits grabbed onto his plaid shirt as her hues locked with his own. “I’m sorry. . .” She mumbled as the car spun out of control, the sound of shattered glass and screams of pain echoed in the backward. Then it was over. It was over and done with; the moments of impact that led her to this moment were all her fault.

We never realize how one thing can ruin the rest of our lives forever.

。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

˖ ࣪ 𖥔 ࣪ ˖ ་ 𝖊𝖓𝖉 𝖔𝖋 𝖋𝖑𝖆𝖘𝖍𝖇𝖆𝖈𝖐 , 𝖌𝖔𝖔𝖉𝖇𝖞𝖊 𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖕𝖎𝖓𝖊𝖘𝖘 ˖ ࣪ 𖥔 ࣪ ˖

The memory plagued her mind, her heartbeat racing as the tears cascaded down her cheeks as she pressed the picture to her chest, sobbing as she rocked herself back and forth. “Life is flying by, and it's hitting me now. I hope it's not, but if this is the last time, please come close. I love you with all my heart, you know I don't want to cry, I'm bad at goodbye. If this is the last time, let's do what we always do, like go for a drive.” The words trailed off as the song ended; she couldn’t shake the memories or the feeling of utter sadness because this was her fault, and no matter what, it would always be her fault. Her face was wet from the tears, her eyes burning with desperation, looking for a release. Her lips whispered, “I’m just sad. Sad is what I am.”

She was begging for an escape, a glint in her eyes, the blade's reflection as her fingers itched for the pain as she twisted her wrist to see the previous slices. Cataleya twirled the edge within her fingers, and with a slight flick, she felt the blade pressed into her flesh, which allowed her to exhale. Wincing slightly at the pain and the crimson liquid dropping onto her ivory sheets, Cataleya continued the action as hysterical laughter resonated from her throat.

“I’m officially off the rails. You should try it.”

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formulaorange · 1 year

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Fall 2022 Anime Reviews/Ratings

Bleach: Thousand Year Blood War It's been a good while since I've enjoyed and anime this much. Bleach was one of if not, the first anime I ever watched and I could not be more stoked to have been able to watch its continuation now, 10 years later. This was actually a bit of a surprise. The first half honestly felt like an artists serious depiction of a historical drama and the music absolutely set the tone throughout the whole half. The themes were on point, the art style was out of this world and it definitely hit hard. The second half has was much more classic bleach and easily brought up the mood but also had a solid balance of important story arcs that really filled in some pieces of the world that I didn't know I needed. I loved every second of this season and this is the kind of quality this show deserves. 10/10 - Masterpiece

Chainsaw-man This was a manga that I personally didn't enjoy, just wasn't for me, but damn the anime is solid. While I still didn't feel too attached to the characters, I thoroughly enjoyed the way they did the story. The animations were god honest next level. I can't imagine anything past the quality we have in this series and man I wish MAPPA applied this much tlc to other series like JJK. (Maybe season 2 🤞) Overall a solid action, sci-fi? punk?? series. 9/10 - Great

Blue Lock - (Still airing - 12/24) Another highly-anticipated series. I only recently picked up this manga and low-key it sucked that the english releases were so far behind. Volume 3 released after the anime already aired the same content. Besides that, this series is an absolutely amazing sports series. It hits all the checkboxes for a standard quirk-based sports show but also outdoes it with stellar animations. I love the style so much and I'm looking forward to what other series this studio picks up. (Same studio that did Tensura) 9/10 - Great My Hero Academia - Season 6 (Still airing - 13/25) This season is honestly what I've been waiting for. I feel that each season has it's peaks, but we're definitely hitting the climax of the story here and I'm loving it. The series has really come into it's own and has some serioulsly solid action and super-hero sequences. I genuinely enjoyed this season the most out of the series and high hopes for the future of this show. 9/10 - Great

Spy x Family - Cour 2 I have been waiting for the tennis arc to be animated. My god, I love this show. It really just hits everything I need from a shonen series and makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Never a moment without entertainment and I just love the characters so much. 9/10 - Great The Eminence in Shadow (Still airing - 12/20) I was genuinely surprised by this show. Its concept isn't anything crazy but I feel the writing is really well paced and is just generally very entertaining to watch. 8/10 - Very Good

Bocchi The Rock This is definitely the slice of life of the season. I had a lot of fun with the characters in this show and low-key related to a lot of the awkwardness bocchi emanates. I felt it was just overall such a simple and wholesome series. A good one to watch for fun. 8/10 - Very Good Mob Psycho III I'm a huge fan of ONE's works. One punch is easily one of my top 5 series. While I really enjoyed the first two seasons of mob, I found I just wasn't as into this season. The first half was slow and really didn't feel special. The second half, while it was awesome to see and is definitely amazing, there was really just nothing of note to spark it. Like this all happened in one episode. In the end, the animations and story are still far better than many shows out there is definitely worth watching. 8/10 - Very Good I'm the Villainess, so I'm Taming the Last Boss I actually loved this one. It took a trope that's typically seen in fantasy novels and turned it into an anime. I really like the different stories and arcs that took place in the series and I ended up getting quite attached to all the characters. 8/10 - Very Good To Your Eternity Season 2 (Still airing - 10/20) I've heard a lot that this series really falls off the further you get into it. While I do agree that it's nowhere near as good as the first half of season 1, I still really enjoy the progression of time and Fushi's evolution. I think the story so far is interesting enough to continue watching but definitely less hook than the original concept. 7/10 - Good More than a Married Couple, but not Lovers This series was a lot of fun. I think it walked a really fine line between the right amount of ecchi/spice and wholesome. Again with this one, I really like the different scenarios the characters were put in and while I did enjoy the series, it still felt like it lacked something for me. Either way, definitely a fun little non-standard romance series. 7/10 - Good The Bibliophile Princess I didn't think that I was going to keep watching this show after the first few episodes tbh, but i'm glad I did. I felt that it was a really nice genuine romance that addressed a lot of things in their world. They just did the genre well and I enjoyed the series. 7/10 - Good

Reincarnated as a Sword I know the LN readers have been waiting for this one. I think what i've found recently is that I really enjoy the concept behind these kinds of isekais but I've been preferring to read them rather than watch it. The series kinda felt mid. I did like the characters and the stories but didn't feel like anything special. I'm sure the actual novel is probably more entertaining and worth a read. 6/10 - Fine

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whats-rambled-rambled · 2 years

Text

Posterity - playlist

You can find it on Spotify here.

Soft Bullets - Posterity

The initial idea for this series came to me over a year ago, when I was still not done with Long Nights. I knew I wanted to explore the concept we knew from the movie, and that I’d need a different Reader. Not the combat-trained one, not even an untrained-but-still-mission-capable one. The potential dynamic seemed interesting enough. I’m not sure I knew back then that it would be a fix-it story. I was totally focused on delivering LN, I didn’t want to distract myself too much with plotting out another series. Then, a depressive spell came and I could no longer put words on the page. The idea was still brewing, but I lost hope that I would ever write it. The fandom was growing quiet, too, and the story became just another daydream, another scenario to play out in my head before falling asleep. And then, The Batman happened, and the rest is history or something.

The idea started gaining shape. Fix-it. Timey-wimey, River Song bullshit. The relationship, slowly building into something meaningful. I started referring to the series as Posterity, but I needed a proper title. A song that would encapsulate the vibe. Because all my works are somehow related to music, why should this one be any different? So one day, I typed Posterity into the Spotify search bar.

Surely enough, there was one song from Tenet’s soundtrack. Close, and I used it along the way, but there was another one, and when I started listening to it, I felt that piece of a puzzle falling into place, the hype that only happens when I find a perfect song.

//We're in the firing line and no-one's getting out alive

We're backed against the wall, the crowd are screaming for blood

Two young lovers lost in this frozen universe, star crossed and holding on to anything that floats

I guess it's true when we met we were wrapped up in lies

Nothing came between us but the doubt in your eyes

But every doubt grows steady like a spark to the blaze

It'll burn your house down,

Burn your house down, down//

You get this feeling from the start. That determination. Made me think of the reality seen from Tenet operatives’ point of view. But then it moves into the soft, gentle tones. And then:

//But it's a beautiful thing to see the world in this place

Drifting through the suits with a smile on your face

But as the sun breaks free from its municipal cage you will never look back,

Never look back//

This part. This being among the people, but having that wider perspective. And loving it, all things considered. This seemed vital - for Neil, obviously, but also for Reader, in their own way.

Chapter 1: Chase McBride - Headlights

Funny thing, that was the only chapter title that I was unsure of. Because most of the writing playlist at this point was rather something I was gonna use later on, and mainly because that part was only a setting. Let’s see what we have here

//In an endless conversation last night

Momentary bliss, turn out the lights//

Last year, I had no idea how dialogue-heavy this series would be. I mean, sure, on some level that was obvious, but only when I started outlining, it came to me how much relationship-building stuff is going to happen over the phone. Good thing is, these two were really helpful, and the conversations seemed to flow between them.

//Keep me in mind, just try

A little bit of your time//

Oh, this Reader came with some baggage, all right. I saw them clearly keeping everyone on the other side of the headset at arm's length, but what I imagined at first got quickly revisited on the page. Operator was even more cautious, but only because of how much and how easily they usually start caring. And with Neil, and the whole banter that comes too easily, they had to be even more on guard.

//I've been searching through the stations, keepin' quiet

Momentary risk, amplified

It's a growing temptation, deep inside

Ordinary changes, intensify//

Neil is very much unaware of the internal struggle, but is curious, and wants to get to know them better. That little ruse made for a good opportunity!

Minke, Mahogany - Gold Angel - Mahogany Sessions

//All dressed up, nowhere to go

TV's on, no one's home

Look me up, if I'm not there

Leave a message, show you care

Meal for two, eat for one

This place of worship has come undone

Shattered frame upon the wall

No photograph to look out for//

The conversation with Alex was important to me to show that they are still close, but that there’s something that Reader keeps to themselves. They were fine. Introverted, feeling best at home, with a book and a cup of tea. They were content in this routine. They didn’t allow themselves to dwell on that too much.

//I hear your voice and it sounds like

A symphony

You lift me up, dead or alive

When I'm not breathing

I'll be your gold angel

If you want me//

My little headcanon here is that Neil had a little crush on them already. Been having one since he first heard their voice. Was quite content with just a bit of business-hours banter, but then he bought the figurine, and when he met Alex and they gave him that private number and were quite convincing how he should actually give it a try–

Also, gold angel. And Neil’s goldenboi himself, so…

Luca Fogale - Feel it

//Get it all out now

Anything you need

While the book is open

Cold and incomplete

Nearly disappeared

Who I could've been

Cast into the heat

Recklessly in spin

But wait

Something got left out

Isn't someone mean to be

Standing beside me?

'Cause I can't feel it

I can't feel it

Like the most important piece

Is always buried underneath

And I can't feel it//

When I’ve been thinking about emotional arcs for the characters, I felt that the common ground for this duo is going to be loneliness. The one that you don’t really see from the outside, but hits you the most in the quiet of the night. At this point it’s all rather buried, but very much there.

Chapter 2: Hazlett - Fireworks

//End of the rope

This heart's closed

Thundering hopes

Tear-jerk notes I've written

All my life

Waitin' for a change to come

All my life

Waitin', waitin'

We could rise forever

But it won't matter

We could rise forever

Burn into matter, matter

And I can give you fireworks//

Okay, the fireworks sequence was actually one that’s been with me for months! That moment, that connection, how Operator doesn’t want to lean into this relationship, but there’s this understanding that can only happen when someone really, really gets you. It’s yearning-inducing, but at the same time fulfilling, and this song has the exact vibe for it. The warmth, the reluctance in the lyrics, and just this feeling of time slowing down and the world tuning out. Like during that hug happening when the clock strikes midnight.

Elvis Presley, Junkie XL - A little less conversation

I believe that’s a good moment to say why Elvis. Blame it on a traveling yt series I’ve been watching back then! The vlogger was touring the States, and he’s been in Vegas, and when I had to come up with a mission for Neil in the first chapter, this was the first place that had popped into my mind. Then, what cheesy souvenir could he get there? (And oh, that scene alone was very different from the original idea, our Operator was supposed to meet Neil in the office, sitting at their desk! But I had to rethink how the hell would Posterity work in the first place, and I knew that security-wise it didn’t track - sadly, had to let this image go) Went for a figurine of the King himself. Only after thinking about the potential behind it! It hit me when I was looking for some songs to play at the party. And this? This one is absolute fire!

//A little less conversation, a little more action, please//

— Tell me this isn’t the most perfect call to dance for them.

//Baby, close your eyes and listen to the music

Drifting through a summer breeze

It's a groovy night and I can show you how to use it

Come along with me and put your mind at ease//

This part was handy, too! Just to let Reader ease up on the dance floor, because sure enough, they were still going against their most important rule, even if acting on instinct, and that was getting their agent out of the possible uncomfortable situation.

Scissor Sisters - I don’t feel like dancin’

You know how I feel about dancing. Dancing Neil, in particular. I couldn’t resist!

//So I'll play along when I hear that special song

I'm gonna be the one who gets it right

You'd better move when you're swingin' 'round the room

Looks like the magic's only ours tonight//

Body Rockers - I like the way you move - radio edit

So we have them on the dance floor together, now what? I didn’t want to turn the heat up too much too fast, and well, had to lean to the pure joy of just letting go.

//There's so many things i like about you,

I just don't know where to begin,

I like the way you, look at me with those beautiful eyes,

I like the way you, act all surprised,

I like the way you, sing along,

I like the way you, always get it wrong,

I like the way you, clap your hands,

I like the way you, love to dance,

I like the way you, put your hands up in the air,

I like the way you, shake your hair,

I like the way you, like to touch,

I like the way you, stare so much,

But most of all...

Yeah.

Most of all...

I like the way you move//

The temperature rising might be inevitable with this song, but there’s fun in it, first and foremost. And mutual fascination, the one that happens organically, but with this duo - not on a very physical level. A conscious choice on my side. I’ve written enough smut into the previous series, wanted to get something more wholesome this time.

Deee-Lite - Groove is in the heart

//The chills that you spill up my back keep me filled

With satisfaction when we're done

Satisfaction of what's to come

I couldn't ask for another

No, I couldn't ask for another (you know that's right)

Your groove, I do deeply dig

No walls, only the bridge//

Okay, this song - whenever I hear it, all I can think is that one HIMYM scene where Robin and Barney are dancing to this very song, putting up a show. The vibe in it! The way they flow together, how they understand each other – gotta stop now, before I go on a rant about it. I imagined Neil and his Operator having exactly that much fun together, tho.

//Flowing, glowing with electric eyes (eyes)

You dip to the dive, baby yo, realize (yeah)

When will you see the funky side of me?//

The Source & Candi Staton - You got the love - New Voyager Radio Edit

I love Florence’s rendition of this song, but this one popped up while I was making the chapter playlist and I couldn’t help but smile. It has that space to it, it’s uplifting, just putting the biggest grin on your face. And it has that slow down moment, where you can look into one person’s eyes and see the world in them. Love, love, love.

//Sometimes I feel like

Throwing my hands up in the air

I know I can count on you

Sometimes I feel like saying

Lord I just don't care

But you've got the love I need

To see me through

Sometimes it seems that

The going is just too rough

And things go wrong

No matter what I do

Now and then I feel

Like life is just too much

You've got the love

I need to see me through//

Chapter 3: Blakey - Confidant

I knew that at one point in the story, Neil needed to hear the reason behind the Operator's usual business demeanor. Originally, I thought about putting it a chapter earlier, but you know me, the more angst - the better. Besides, I liked the idea of Reader calling Neil after a bad day, and nothing screams bad day more than being on a call when the mission goes south. Because that also was an opportunity to show Neil first-hand how much it can affect them, and that was still “at arm’s length” relation that triggered the distress. And made a good setting for what was to come.

//I've been where you've been holding yourself to a sinking stone pulling you down but you can't let go

People around but you all alone

I know how it hurts you, yes I do

I've been stuck in that same sized shoe I see life's tight for you

Hate saying you sad got a trickle down your cheek

Take my hand let it trickle down me instead just call me the confidant//

I think that Neil knows that temptation to just close off, to stop caring - just to protect oneself from heartache, quite inescapable in their line of business. Although, caring is in the root of his character, we see that in canon, how much it can mess with him keeping his composure. He understands the struggle, but still trusts it’s worth it. And as much as he doesn’t instantly change Operator’s mind (that would be bullshit, not when their beliefs are so deeply internalized), and he doesn’t exactly say anything too insightful, combined with the lack of pressure, creaks open a door in Reader’s brain, and that’s more than enough.

This song perfectly encapsulates that understanding, and the wish to just be there for them.

Link Lewis - Moments

This…this one just makes me struggle to breathe and brings tears to my eyes.

//In sight

We're far away now

But in heart

We're still so close

Though you can't see me, I'm still awake

There's a reason it feels I was there only yesterday

An invisible reflection

An unbreakable connection

Yes, we live, then we die, it's the circle of life

But we're still with you inside//

A message from the other side, but also a reason I wrote this:

What’s happened’s happened. And it’s yours, forever. All you got to experience together, all those little moments you shared, the emotions that warmed you whenever you needed. They stay. Even if the person is no longer with you.”

(side note - I love that quote about grief being love persevering. It switches perspective, it’s healing, even if it still hurts like a bitch)

Emmit Fenn - Lullaby

I remember sharing this chapter’s playlist with @hollandorks and she told me that it feels like Neil wrote every single song on that list right after they hung up after that first call. So on point, I couldn’t believe how accurate Spotify recommendations were. This is no different:

//This is a lullaby that I wrote for you

You don't have to sing all the words if you don't want to

This is a lullaby that I wanted to sing to you

While you close your eyes and dream about the moon

That I have everything I could want no more

While I'm laying next to you right here on the floor

So forget it all

The fights and the waterfalls

And I know you're scared

But I'll always be here

To catch you when you fall//

I love how calm and comforting this song is.

Occie Elliott - Thinking about you

And this one captures those waking up feelings. There’s something about it, you can almost feel those butterflies.

//I'll be thinking 'bout you all my days

I'll be thinking 'bout you all the way

And I'm not sure how but you're in me now

And I know that you're there to stay

And your lovin' makes me lose my place

I cannot get enough of your face

Away, I counter me in the night

I just want to hold you tight//

Chapter 4: Fergus James, Dustin Tebbutt - Old Stars

//So will you let me be your light?

To pull you through the lonely night

Oh oh oh, 'cause I'll try

I'll meet you over the ocean under these old stars//

Lonely nights. The hardest part of the day, where the heart longs twice as hard, and you can’t do much about it. Unless you have someone on the other end of the line, as lonely as you. Even if Neil and his Operator don’t ever admit it to each other out loud, I think they can feel it, on some level.

Dustin Tebbutt - Resin

There’s something gentle about this song. Almost cautious. Just as they both still are around each other, but at the same time, letting one another deeper and deeper into their hearts.

//In your ribs

I see more than bones

Something lost

I had long ago

All the words

Are meaning so much more

As you say them

Without a clause

Now I'm letting all you in

You caught me falling//

Colder Shoulders - Pure Shores

Okay, I know the original, never thought I’d use it. But this version? There’s so much longing in there, whenever I hear it now, I think about a comment @eravanaaaah made under this very chapter: Longing and yearning, slow and gently blooming affection, two people drawn to each other like flowers turning towards sunlight…

Yes. Exactly this.

//Never been here before

I'm intrigued, I'm unsure

I'm searching for more

I've got something that's all mine (got something that's all mine)

Take me somewhere I can breathe

I've got so much to see

This is where I want to be

In a place I can call mine (call mine)

I'm movin', I'm comin'

Can you hear what I hear?

It's calling you my dear out of reach

(Take me to my beach)

I can hear it calling you

I'm comin' not drowning, swimming closer to you//

David Nevory - Still

So I’ve been browsing for songs, played this one, I heard that bit about the night and I squealed a little. So fitting.

//I can see you longing

For another bit of that night

You can feel it coming back

We just need more time

Will you help me walk

When I reach for the finish line

If it was up to me

We'd run till the day we die

Are you still mine

At the break of light

With your soul on fire

Will you come inside

Are you still mine

When the dawn is closer

And the day gets older

Will you think it over

Are you still mine//

I’m no expert when it comes to idiots in love trope, but this… I don’t know. At this point, they’ve already caught feelings. Neil takes as much as his Operator is willing to give him, not pushing for more. Because they still hesitate to give in fully, to act on those feelings to transform their relationship into something more. At the same time, whenever they’re together, either on a call or next to each other, they can’t help themselves. Each touch, each hug, is like the most natural thing in the world, like they just belong together, whether they want it or not. No wonder that in the middle of the night, miles and miles apart, they miss each other with every beat of their yearning hearts.

Chapter 5: Nathan Ball - Just say something

I found it and instantly knew it had to be one for Neil’s last call (from his perspective, that is). Just look at those lyrics:

//I came with a warning but it drew you in

She said see you in the morning, but I won’t be here

And I want you to feel alright

And I love you to the end of time

So just say something so I know you’re there

Just say something so I know you care

I got a taste of your heartache as you close your eyes

Just a kiss on your forehead just to see you smile

And I want you to feel alright

And I love you to the end of time//

I struggled with that call. Words wouldn’t flow, Neil wasn’t helping. There was a tricky part about it - had to be innocent enough not to tip Reader off, at least not completely. At the same time, if you were careful enough, you could realize at what point of canon events we are, so it had to make sense as some sort of goodbye from Neil. Balancing it was the key, and at that moment it seemed impossible. So I decided to skip it and wrote the lecture hall meeting first, then the rest of the chapter, with POV switch at the very end. And only then came back and it clicked. Because even though I knew Neil’s emotional progression through this chapter, I had to see it written down. Had to feel that punch in the gut in it’s full strength, evidently.

Adele - Make you feel my love

I can’t help it. Adele just clenches my heart in the best way possible. I used this song on loop for the meeting. The part about embrace? And the rest of it - it’s so them, innit?

//When the rain is blowing in your face

And the whole world is on your case

I could offer you a warm embrace

To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear

And there is no one there to dry your tears

I could hold you for a million years

To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet

But I will never do you wrong

I've known it from the moment that we met

No doubt in my mind where you belong//

David Gray - This year's love

And this is for the hug.

//This year's love had better last

Heaven knows it's high time

I've been waiting on my own too long

And when ya hold me like you do

It feels so right oh now

I start to forget how my heart gets torn

When that hurt gets thrown

Feeling like you can't go on//

Every word of that. You see it too, right? There’s this tired vibe to the vocals, and it makes me think how tiring that loneliness must be for our Operator. How easy it is to forget about their own worries when they’re in Neil’s arms. At the same time, that risk is still there, and when you think of what is happening at the same time as that scene takes place, a little bit forward down Neil’s timeline — ouch.

You+me - You and Me

//You and me, we're searching for the same light

Desperate for a cure to this disease

Well some days are better than others

But I fear no thing as long as you're with me

They say everything, it happens for a reason

You can be flawed enough but perfect for a person

Someone who will be there for you when you fall apart

Guiding your direction when you're riding through the dark//

I can only think of Neil as a character full of light. Somehow, it really came out in this series, I knew it was gonna be challenged, threatened, but never put down permanently. Even during and after the darkest moments. Obviously, that light was something that drew Reader in, because come on now. And I’d like to think that it was kinda mutual. That Neil saw the same light in his Operator. Well, maybe not flickering with such chaos, but still very much there, and not only during passionate rants (something I didn’t plan for our Reader, but sorta happened on its own).

Ludwig Goransson - POSTERITY

Tenet soundtrack is oh so handy when I have to write action sequences of any kind. The urgency! That tension! I usually use Freeport, but for this series, POSTERITY felt more appropriate. This kicked in right after Mumbai, and carried me all the way until the end of the call with Ives.

Tracy Chapman - The Promise

The only part of the call I had was that promise. That Neil wasn’t about to do anything stupid. I knew he wouldn’t lie to his Operator. And that promise wasn’t a lie, not from his point of view. He’s already lived through the next two weeks. He was certain Reader didn’t know, so he couldn’t say a proper goodbye. Because they still had yet to experience it all. And deserved to get the most of that time, and it was the only way.

//Oh, I've longed for you

And I have desired

To see your face, your smile

To be with you wherever you are

Remembering

Your touch

Your kiss

Your warm embrace

I'll find my way back to you

Please say you'll be waiting

Together again

It would feel so good to be

In your arms

Where all my journeys end

If you can make a promise

If it's one that you can keep

I vow to come for you

If you wait for me//

And all that is for another promise, near the end of the chapter. Unvoiced one. But as important to him. In Tallinn, he still had no idea what was about to happen, and even so got scared after hearing the panic in Reader’s voice, he didn’t want to risk a bigger heartbreak than necessary, in case– …so words could wait. He still had no reason to believe he wasn’t coming back.

Sleeping At Last - I'm gonna be (500 miles)

This song. THIS SONG. I sang along to it so many times, but this cover hit me right in the heart.

//And when I'm lonely, well I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who's lonely without you

And if I grow old, well I know I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who's growing old with you

But I would walk five hundred miles

And I would walk five hundred more

Just to be the man who walked a thousand miles

To fall down at your door

When I wake up, well I hope I'm gonna be

I'm gonna be the man who's waking up to you

And when I'm dreamin', well I know I'm gonna dream

I'm gonna dream about the time I had with you//

To me, this is Stalsk. And the coma. And — yeah, I’ll see myself out.

Chapter 6: Noah Reid - Hold on

I switched the chapter’s title to this one just before posting. I usually go over the chapter’s playlist one more time and make sure I chose the right one, and after writing the whole thing, this one stuck with me the most. Look at those lyrics! Absolutely perfect for the opening sequence, for that waiting. And those raw emotions near the bridge! Holy shit, simply amazing.

//And I've been on the wrong end

Of too many a telephone call

Trying to say too much and just ending up

Saying nothing at all

'Til I'm pacing the floors

And I'm bouncing my head off the wall

And it ain't hard to tell this'll all be well in the fall

If you can just

Hold on

Hold on with me

'Cause I can only be

So strong

For so long

Without you holding on to me//

Lily Kershaw - Now & Then

//Maybe we know

All the ways this could go

All the ways it would end

Were you ever my friend?

Were you sad and alone

When you broke on the phone?

Who was I to you

As you passed through?

Remember the rooftop parties

Remember the friends

Remember the way I love you now

And the way I that loved you then//

Another phone call mention, and rooftop parties sound close enough, right?

Lilla Vargen - Love you twice

The emotions in there, my heart. It was the missing your wicked ways that made it for me. So fitting for those long days waiting for the message to get delivered.

//Take me back to when the streets were glowing

Back to when our love was young and still was showing

Take me back to when I felt alive

We could have made it

We almost got it right

Before we lost it all

Before we paid the price

I loved you once

Now won't you let me love you twice?

And you know I've been losing days

Missing your wicked ways

And you know I've been losing days

Wishing this pain away//

Thunder Jackson - Caroline

So I put this song on loop and got to writing the hospital part. I knew what was coming. I had already cried myself to sleep plotting it out, and I knew it was going to be hell. And I still underestimated the impact. When Operator broke down in there, I did too.

//We were too undefined

I was out of my mind

Now I'm walkin' on backwards

To meet you on the line

As I am, as you are

Let's go back to the start

Caroline, I know

Caroline, I swear

Caroline, Caroline

Caroline, I know

I was so cold then, wasn't I clever?

Learned to keep my distance from the crowd

Worn out, worn out, and bent at the knee

I no longer need to be proud//

The raw pain in this song is taking my breath away. The regret, the heartache, twisting the knife as I wrote: “When you asked me out, that very first night, I should have said yes…imagine having that much more time–”

Kayou, Gina Livia - i need you closer

So I’ve been crying for an hour, putting words on the page, and then Shelby messaged me and I think I sent her my playlist and a picture of a pile of used tissues? And she sent me THIS.

//You’re fading

Away

But can you hеar me

'Cause I try to make you stay

Oh, keep fighting

For gods sakе

'Cause I can hold you

And I can hide away your pain

The ocean is frozen

And you’re broken and hopeless

But let me show you that there is some light

I’m hoping

I’m still hoping

That you bear up and notice

That there’s a reason why you’re still alive

And now I need you to focus on you

Can you come over

Come over

I be your shoulder, I need you closer

Oh, please come over

Come over//

So I put it on repeat. Crying my eyes out. Biting my lip so I wouldn’t sob because the house was already asleep while I pushed further into the chapter.

Aisha Badru - Water

//What are you crying for?

You know the world is yours

And what is meant for you will be

So loosen up your grasp

Everything's not meant to last

Let the rising tide withdraw and go back to the sea

'Cause you see

People are water, they need to be free

They need to explore more where they want to be

We cannot be keepers of anyone's key

We have to love in a way that sets them free

And darling, believe me, there will come a time

When the earth will shake and the stars will align

And you won't have to beg for anyone's time

So trust and believe everything will be fine//

So that letting go part…. I didn’t plan on it. I hate that trope, because it always breaks me and reduces me into a puddle of tears and general misery. So whenever, I don’t know, Nolan plays that card, I grit my teeth and choke on tears. And yet, this time, those characters decided to teach me a lesson. Because sure, Reader had one of their own, to open up and let someone inside of their heart, because even the pain of losing someone is worth it (I recently watched Bridgerton season 2 and guess which part made me cry). And letting go… that was the extension of it. That was why I was bawling. This is my ultimate trigger. That song… there’s a bit of comfort in it. Something hopeful. Like a warm hand cupping your tear-stained cheek when you are trying to catch a breath in between sobs.

((Side note - because why did Operator leave? Why didn't they come back? Sure, it hurt so much, but – … Let me get very personal, tw: death, feel free to skip to the next song: I kept thinking about my dying grandmother. She wasn’t conscious, but was still holding on for as long as my mom was there. And when my mom left her side and went outside the hospital room for 10 minutes, she chose that moment to leave. I believe that she wanted to spare her daughter witnessing the moment. That was in the back of my head while I was writing that scene. Because our Operator was letting Neil go, after hearing how much he’d been struggling. And knowing how much Neil cared about them, remembering how he asked if they were gonna be okay? I think that instinctively, they thought it would be easier, in case he really needed to go. Yeah, I’mma need some tissues now.))

Elvis Presley - Love me tender

When the idea of that little Elvis callback came to me, I was like “oh, that’s evil…should I?” with immediately going yes.

//Love me tender, love me sweet

Never let me go

You have made my life complete

And I love you so

Love me tender, love me true

All my dreams fulfill

For, my darling I love you

And I always will//

Chapter 7: Sleeping At Last - Turning Page

I don’t have words. It’s beautiful. And when the music swells, your heart does too, and to me it’s just so them. Used that for the first hug in the hospital.

//Nothing prepared me for

What the privilege of being yours would do

If I had only felt the warmth within your touch

If I had only seen how you smile when you blush

Or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough

I would have known what I was living for all along

What I've been living for

Your love is my turning page

Where only the sweetest words remain

Every kiss is a cursive line

Every touch is a redefining phrase//

Bootstraps - Whenever You're Around

The kiss. My heart sings.

//Freedom, found it in your eyes

Will ya leave 'em open wide?

And loving you, step one to admit

Was an addict from first hit

'Cause

Whenever you're around me

Anytime, anyhow

You make it brighter

Whenever you're around

Yeah, whenever you're around//

Smeyeul., Galvanic, Haux - Love Me

I love how gentle this song is. How it carries the happiness in it. To me, that’s the moment when Neil is kissing down his Operator’s tears.

//Hold me

And the night will come alive

Trust me

Like I've known you all your life

And all you had

Was all you gave

When you're falling fast

Don't be afraid

When all you had

Was all you gave

When you're falling fast

Don't be afraid

Just, just love me//

Simple as that.

By The Coast - I'll Get You Home

For Neil’s breakdown.

//I'll get you home

When you are tired

Stand next to you

When you're in the fire

I'll get you home

I'll tell the truth

When I'd rather lie

I'd rather be known

Than keep it inside

I'll get you home

Never leave you alone

And I will get you home

If I could before

The sorrows we'd see

I'd love you again

I'd feel everything//

Tyler Brown Williams - Never Stop

Love confession. And what came after.

//In the quiet and in the storm

Every rise and every fall

Any door that we walk through

I will never stop loving you

Every path that we might find

Light of day or black of night

Anywhere life takes us to

I will never stop loving you

Oh, my heart is yours

My heart is yours

You can have it all

Oh, you show me how

Without looking down

It's okay to fall

In the fire and in the flood

Every word and every touch

There's nothing that you couldn't do

I will never stop loving you//

SAILR - All My Life

And for the closing sequence. This song is a promise, and there’s hopeful warmth to it, something I wanted to leave you all with by the end of the story. After all that angst, there had to be a happy ending.

//I'm gonna love you all my life

The world may rearrange

The colors, they may change

Oh, I

I'm gonna stay right by your side

I'm gonna live to make you smile

The rivers they may run

And the changes they may come

Oh, I

When the light is out of reach

And the answers they may seem hard to find

When the castles start to fold

And the only words you know are why

Whenever you start to feel like running

And you forget just who you are

Keep all of these words close to your heart

I'm gonna love you all my life//

This is it. Thank you all for taking this journey with me.

#posterity #posterity playlist #posterity bts

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