#especially considering how when my anxiety was really really bad i saw so much of myself in evan | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gglitch1dd · 2 months

Note

Ever think about how horny reader is for Deku while she’s pregnant? I’m talking bout a wild beast. Before the pregnancy her sex drive was average but now she just can’t keep her hands to herself.

All she wants to do is have her big husband fuck her while she’s carrying their child, shocking Deku but he indulges her no matter how many rounds she wants and how tired he gets he just wants to spoil his wife during her pregnancy to keep her happy.

A/N: I love love LOVED this prompt. Honey I don't just think this, it lives in my head daily. Please!! I love prompts like this, keep them coming for Izuku (or Eijiro).

I can't help it

Husband Midoriya Izuku X Wifey Reader

Warning: PREGNANCY, Pregnant reader, breeding kink, hypersexual Y/N, SMUT, Squirting, multiple orgasms.

When you had figured out that you were pregnant, you were the happiest you had ever been in a long time. You and your husband had always wanted a little bundle of joy for yourselves and the fact that it happened for the both of you was a blessing you couldn’t take for granted. It was a magical and beautiful time, and one held in great secrecy too. The both of you didn’t tell the public at all nor did you tell any of your close friends until a good three months into your pregnancy.

Honestly, once you got past the morning sickness and feeling rather icky, you were pretty excited. You enjoyed watching your body slowly start to change. Izuku also found it ever so irresistible. You often found him putting a hand to your tummy, especially when you started to notice a little baby bump. From the moment he knew you were pregnant, he couldn’t sleep without you in his arms. He just had to know that you were safe and so was the little sprout in your womb. He would whisper and talk to the baby even before it could kick and respond back to his voice.

You couldn’t count how many times you had woken up from having drifted off before him to Izuku whispering everything he couldn’t wait to experience, all pointed towards your tummy.

It was fascinating watching and experiencing pregnancy before your eyes. You watched as your breasts grew, as you seemed to rounded up a bit, however the scariest thing was how your sex drive changed.

It was like someone had flipped a switch.

Almost completely overnight, you found yourself unexplainably horny. And it really took you by surprise when you were sitting in bed, Izuku just having come back off a shift that ended late. He put a hand to the back of his neck, a deep groan stumbling out of him as he slowly began to peel his hero uniform off of his body. At the sight of rippling muscles, his large scarred back and a groan stumbling out of his mouth, you were hit with a clench that took even you by surprise.

At first you tried to ignore it. And you really did. You were a real trooper trying to hide it as long as you did but you couldn’t stop yourself.

You just felt so needy. You wanted your husband and you wanted your husband to bend you over every surface of your house and take you like an animal. It made you feel so bad to objectify him in such a way, but every time you saw his body, heard his voice, smelt his scent… it was as if you were some crazed beast that couldn’t live without him.

You also missed him so much. It was almost like you couldn’t bare to be apart from him. Getting some anxiety watching him leave every morning and having to just sit at home and bake like an oven. It felt rather claustrophobic considering that the both of you didn’t want any of the public or the media to get wind of your pregnancy, so it meant no more spontaneous shopping trips or jogs around the neighbourhood.

However, you barely felt trapped in because half the time you were busy rubbing your sex trying to get off. Closer towards your fifth month of pregnancy, you couldn’t help it. Not even if you tried. It was like an intense cycle. You would wake up in Izuku’s arms and then feel the need for him to love on you, then you’d watch him leave and spend the rest of the day hold up in bed watching TV or trying to get off. It was like you couldn’t stop yourself. Even when you tried getting any work done, whether it be chores or any of your online work for the Deku Foundation, you often couldn’t stop the building ache between your legs.

Honestly, you were shocked that you held it together as long as you did. Until one fateful evening, Izuku and you were watching a movie together cuddled up in bed, but you couldn’t help but keep rubbing your thighs together. You glanced over at Izuku who had a large arm draped over your shoulder as his eyes stayed on the screen. He smelt like his fresh soap but also like a new fresh book and a hint of his cologne that never really went away.

He smelt so good.

And his calloused fingers drew circles on your skin, figureless shapes that traced on your skin patterns that didn’t make sense. Such big hands with such a large warm body and arm that kept you snuggled up to him. His body was warmer, often warmer than yours and it made you feel so tiny even now with a sizeable pregnancy bump. It didn’t help that his green curls were brushed slightly back but were that dark mop of green hair that brushed against his forehead. A strong yet soft face with freckles that littered his entire body, but warm green jade eyes that could stare right into your soul.

He looked so good.

You often couldn’t believe it. That this man, this adonis of a man, was your husband. That he made you Mrs Midoriya and slid a ring on your finger. Even more so that he was the man that impregnated you.

You drew in a breath.

Izuku turned to look down at you with a slight tilt of his head. An innocent look on his face as he seemed blissfully unaware of your lustful thoughts towards him. “Are you okay honey?” He asked softly, the sound of the movie playing in the background. You weren’t even sure what had happened after the first ten minutes.

You nodded your head as you forced a smile on your face. “Yah. I’m alright.”

He smiled, so glad that you were okay.

You weren’t. You wanted to climb him like the tree he was and jump on his cock till the sun rose.

“That’s good.” He squeezed you closer to him briefly, placing a kiss on your forehead before focusing back forward.

Your hands rested on your bump as you tried to focus on the movie rather unsuccessfully. This was the man who had placed the child inside you. The fact that you were carrying someone that you both created was enough to make a shiver run down your spine. You felt so happy to know that you were pregnant but now… now you felt another feeling you had never felt before.

You were Mrs Midoriya, wife of Midoriya Izuku who was the Number One ProHero of Japan, the symbol of Justice and Peace. You were his wife and you were carrying his child. His son. Inside of you was something so uniquely crafted that it would only ever exist once.

And you had managed to take his seed like the good wife that you were and plant it in your womb.

Fuck.

Izuku perked up. He had noticed that your breathing had turned heavy as he watched you. Your eyes were facing forward but they were totally glazed over. You were not paying attention at all. Your hands gripped your bump almost possessively as you sat silently at his side. Izuku sat up a bit, the movie long forgotten by the both of you as his eyebrows furrowed. Your whole pregnancy had been without fault but Izuku always had, in the back of his mind, fears that were enough to choke him.

“Honey?” You didn’t answer. “Honey?” You didn’t answer again. Now that really got Izuku concerned. He put both hands on your shoulders and shook you gently. “Y/N.” The stern tone of his voice took you by surprise as you turned to look at him. “What’s wrong?” He asked seriously.

You hesitated but you smiled with a breathy half heartedly laugh. “I’m fine, Izu. Just-”

“No, you’re not. You’ve been spacing out the entire movie.” He told you, half surprising you with how observant he was of your behaviours. His eyes held so much concern as he looked down at you. Green emerald eyes flicked down to your stomach briefly before putting a large hand on top of your bump. “Is it the baby?” His large warm hand just brushing against your clothed stomach made you release a soft moan as your eyes fluttered. “Sweetheart?”

You couldn’t hold back anymore. Either you were going to sneak your hand between your thighs for the fifth time today or you were going to jump him till you couldn’t see straight. “Izu…” Your voice was faint and almost sounded like you were exhausted.

“Yah.” He asked concerned for you, sitting up.

“I need you.”

“What do you need? Is it a craving? If so, I can go get it. Whatever it is.” He answered fast without hesitation as he turned to grab his phone, about to check whatever convenience store was still open at this time.

You grabbed his arm, instantly telling him to stop what he was doing. He froze as he turned to you. “No, Izuku, you don’t understand.” You told him, as you finally looked him dead in the eyes. For the first time since knowing you, Izuku saw something in your eyes he had never seen before. “I need you. I need you inside me, right now. I… I can’t think straight right now, all I know is that if I don’t have your dick inside me in the next three minutes, I think I’ll go crazy.”

To say Izuku was shocked would be an understatement. His face went red in surprise, you having genuinely caught him off guard for the first time in a long while. He had read that some pregnant woman could get hypersexual and others would lack the need for sexual encounters at all.

Hearing you so bluntly and so seriously say that you wanted him to fuck you was… well it was arousing to say the least. Izuku was pretty sure he was already half hard just by the second sentence.

He opened his mouth to speak, still absolutely shocked that this was actually happening.

“Izuku, may I use you?”

Without hesitation your husband answered. “Yes-”

A kiss went to his lips promptly shutting him up as you pulled him down to kiss you. A stuttered breath left your mouth as you immediately grabbed his cock over his sweatpants. A surprised gasp left his throat but you didn’t even register it as you let out a groan at the feeling of him. You hastily rushed to crawl over and hover over him. You pulled up the maternity sleepwear short gown to reveal that you were absolutely bare underneath, with not a single piece of underwear in sight. You were dripping wet. Slick lined the slit of your pussy and was even evident on the inside of your thighs. Izuku’s eyes widened as he watched you lift yourself up as you moved your hand down to stroke him up and down, aligning the pink tip of his cock to the entrance of your cunt.

It was only then that Izuku realised that you hadn’t stretched yourself out yet. “Y/N. Y/n wait-” A groan stumbled out of his lips as he felt your smouldering warm pussy stretch around him.

A loud moan stumbled out of your throat as you faced up to the ceiling, your eyes closing in pure pleasure. He felt so good. Considering that you had been knuckles deep inside of yourself for nearly a quarter of the day, you didn’t need the stretch. Despite being married for two years, you couldn’t deny that taking Izuku’s cock had never felt this good- and you loved your intimate times with your husband.

You let out a shaky breath as you slowly started to sink down, your thighs burning at you having to support your weight. Slowly you sank down further and further down his cock. The feeling of him going deeper and deeper inside you making you even more wet.

Finally you sank down, taking most of him inside you. Suddenly you felt your thighs quivering as you let out a deep moan. You hastly put a hand down against his chest, trying to hold you up, but Izuku quickly moved his hands to your hips holding you up like it was the easiest thing in the world.

Finally your high passed making you let out a heavy sigh as you tried to catch your breath.

“My love… did you just cum from taking my cock?” Izuku asked surprised as he looked up at you.

You gave him a meaningless glare but nodded your head. You tried to look down to look at your cunt, however soon found it impossible due to your stomach being in the way.

Izuku felt you tighten around his cock again. You didn’t waste a second as you moved up and then down. You were slow as you held onto his shoulder and one was placed down against the bed as you tried lifting you up and down his cock. You let out heavy breaths as you began to ride him, slowly trying to pick up past.

Instinctively, Izuku held you up and started doing most of the work for you. He slid down the rest of the way, down onto the bed, still holding you up on his cock. He fucked up into you making you moan as you started to roll your hips.

“Yes. Just like that Izu. Just like that.” You encouraged as you moved up and down his cock. Moans and whines were tumbling out of your throat without hinderance. You felt so much better now that you had him inside you, pushing against your walls and stretching you to the limit as he fucked into you. But despite feeling better, you also felt so much more in need for him now that you had him. “Yes! Fuck!” You cried out as you felt Izuku find a spot inside you before continuing to hit there.

You increased your speed as you hopped up and down. Whines escaped your lips for everytime your ass hit against his pelvis. You moved your dress up and off of your body, not even wanting the useless thing anymore. You had long foregone underwear nowadays, and no one could really blame you.

Izuku let out a deep groan as he felt you tighten around him again but this time your body locked and tensed as you came again. A cry came out of your lips as your cunt massaged his cock as you tried to milk him for all that he was worth. You felt so good.

Izuku let out a low growl as he lifted you up and off his cock, before pushing you down against the bed, swapping places with you. He spread your legs easily finding the perfect spot between them before sliding back in.

A groan came out of the both of you but a chuckle stumbled out of Izuku’s lips. He started to thrust in slowly, holding onto your thighs securely as to use them for an advantage. “You’ve been touching yourself haven’t you?” he asked amusedly. “Is that why you could take me so easly? It’s the only explanation considering that you weren’t wearing any panties, my love.”

You whined as you nodded your head. You lay back feeling helpless but so very aroused as you kept your legs nice and widely spread for your husband. “Yah. I couldn’t help it. I really couldn’t help it. I-” Every thrust felt deeper than the last making you gasp as you felt a particular one make you lose the ability to retain your breath. “Ah, right there. Right there Izuku!” You cried out.

“There?” He asked snapping his hips forward again, causing your back to arch with a high pitched squeal. A grin went to his face as he gripped your thigh tighter, planting one hand down onto the sheets underneath you before absolutely ploughing into you.

“YES!” You shouted loudly, uncaring of how slutty you sounded right now. Your voice was debauched and sounded nothing like you and yet it was. “Yes!” You let out gasping as you raised your hands to squeeze your tits. “Harder Izu! Harder! I need you deeper.” You urged as you tried moving your hips to taking more of him.

Your husband let out a low grunt, now too focused in pleasing you to formulate much words. He increased his pace, pushing your thighs further forward. Your cunt was creaming around his cock, squeezing him as you came undone around him.

“FUCKING-” This one took you by complete surprise as you could barely breathe. You were shaking in ecstasy, your eyes rolled back as you floated in pure mind numbing bliss for two long seconds. Unbeknownst to you, slick splashed against Izuku’s pelvis, wetting his cock as you had squirted around him. You finally gasped as you took in oxygen. “Oh my God! Oh my-” Words stopped formulating as you were being fucked through a mind shattering orgasm. Your eyes stayed rolled to the heavens as you let your husband pound into you till he felt like it. You couldn’t speak as you felt yourself mindless towards the pleasure, chasing it and pursuing it.

Izuku moaned carelessly as he fucked into you harder. You were so beautiful right now. Spread out in front of him, legs spread, eyes rolled back and your body limp to nothing but his actions. Your body jostled with every thrust, your tits hypnotising him but Izuku couldn’t help himself as he put a hand down to your baby bump. The cause of this whole situation. To think that you would find carrying his baby so arousing- carrying his baby.

“Fuck, your amazing. Your everything. Such a good fucking girl.” He praised as he could feel that he was reaching his limit. “All of this is just for you, baby. I’m all yours.” He reminded you.

You were aching for him to cum inside you, to have him remind you who you belonged to. To have his seed deep inside you. You wondered if this was the position that you got pregnant in.

Your thighs shook as a hum went through your body.

“Shit. I’m gonna cum.” Izuku’s eyebrows furrowed as he held you safely. “I’m- I’m gonna-” Without a moments of hesitation, a deep groan left Izuku’s throat as he spilled inside you. Spurts of hot thick ropes of cum inside you that made you just relax, your muscles tired as you sunk into the bed. For the first time in weeks feeling fool satisfied.

Your husband let out heavy breaths as he stayed inside you, noticing how content you were there. You let out a hum as you moved a hand to rest over your bump with a sigh. You nodded your head as you looked up at him. “That… that was…”

“Fucking insane.” That made you giggle, causing you to tighten around his cock. He let out a hiss but loved the overstimulation of it all.

You giggled as you looked up at him with love brimming in your gaze, highly appreciating this. That did quickly change as you began to shuffle just a few seconds later, moving your hips as you slipped a hand past to fiddle with your clit. You bit your bottom lip as you clenched around his cock, looking up at him. “Do you mind Izu?” Your husband looked at you surprised at the question. “I can’t help it.”

He had just unlocked a monster that he wouldn’t be able to escape from till the moment your son was born. He wondered if he was brave enough to face it.

Considering that you had been walking around the home without panties for what could be more than a week…

He was more than willing to accept the challenge.

-Glitch1d

#mha x y/n #izuku midoriya x reader #izuku x reader #bnha #izuku midoriya smut #izuku midoriya #izuku midoria x reader #izuku midoryia smut #izuku midoryia x you #midoriya x reader #izuku rizzdoriya #izuku smut #deku smut #deku x reader #deku x reader smut #deku x you #deku x y/n #tw pregnancy #tw breeding kink

937 notes · View notes

wen-kexing-apologist · 5 months

Note

ngl i am waiting for you to write about physical touch and HANDS in last twilight *insert manifestation circle.gif here*

Not gonna lie, as much as I have been enjoying Last Twilight, I haven't felt all that inspired to write about it, but it has been making me feel all warm and fuzzy now that people are reaching out and asking for my thoughts. Turns out people actually seem to enjoy my horrendously long posts!

Alright, I will talk about physical touch and hands in Last Twilight, but before I get too far in to it, I just want to say, I love the use of physical touch in shows, but I will dare to claim the use of physical touch seems particularly important, and especially complicated in Last Twilight, compared to most of the other shows I've written about. Why?

Because Day is blind, and Mhok is his caretaker, and if you are remotely aware of disability, the autonomy of disabled people, the privacy of disabled people, the survival of disabled people are often disrupted by abled bodied people. I saw a post somewhere, sorry I can't find it, where someone mentioned the rates of abuse of disabled people by their caretakers and how that might weigh in to Day's reaction to touching a shirtless Mhok in Episode 2.

So.

With Day's blindness, grief, and intentional isolation, as well as his family's anxiety, how much control has Day really had over his own life in the last year? As @bengiyo said in Episode 1, "Day's brashness in the interview when he asks Mhok if he's hot sounds like a gay man knowing that he is about to be touched a lot by a stranger" [not a direct quote, apologies].

Episode 1

gif from @dragonsareawesome123

The first physical touch we get between Day and Mhok is when Mhok touches Day's chin, making a comment that essentially boils down to Day having a punchable face. You can see how shocked Day is to feel Mhok's thumb on him. But the motion is quick, light, and slightly flirty (though maybe I'm reading a bit in to that last one since I know this is a BL). While Day seems taken aback, he doesn't seem uncomfortable with the touch at all, moreso, to me at least, he seems surprised that Mhok *isn't* shying away from touching Day after Day so loudly and blatantly declared his queerness and hit on Mhok.

photo from @thescrumptiousstuffs

The second physical touch we get is when Day leaves his car and winds up on the street with traffic whizzing past. Mhok pulls Day off the street when Day gets overwhelmed and Day goes crashing in to Mhok. I don't remember them staying pressed together for too long, but there is a moment where Mhok is embracing Day. Mhok's hands go to Day's hips while Day's hand rests on Mhok's chest near his collarbone. From my view, this is a decently intimate position for relative strangers, but they don't feel uncomfortable in it. Which is a great hint that Mhok and Day are going to become more to each other. Mhok does something here that I do think is important, which is to tell Day who is he, so Day knows he isn't being manhandled by a *complete* stranger. And though I suspect the biggest reason why Day ends up being driven home by Mhok is because Day wants to be away from Night, it cannot be denied that Day already has some modicum of trust in this random, crass man that burst in for an interview just the other day. Because, as we know, Mhok was really the only person who interacted with Day without falling victim to pity, inspiration porn, or infantilization.

The third physical touch I consider important is when Day's mother stops him from standing up. I've been reading @waitmyturtles PhD level thesis on Bad Buddy so filial piety and saving face is pretty present on my mind. I think it is important to acknowledge that Day does have some autonomy, but where he exercises it is very clear. He can leverage his blindness and his bad experiences with past caretakers to get what he wants out of his mother, and he can double, triple, quadruple the caretaker salary without consulting his mother. But when it comes to physical movement, he listens to his mother, but not to Night. Night tells him to stay in the car, and Day almost immediately leaves the car and goes in to the Society. Day gets out in the middle of traffic after a fight with Night, even after Night begs him to stay in the car. But that moment of challenge from Mhok where he tells Day to come get his ID himself, and Day starts to stand, everything stops dead in its tracks at the first light touch of his mother's hand on Day's chest. So, despite the moments of anger and rebellion we see from Day, he still listens to his mother.

gif from @dragonsareawesome123

And then Day moves to get his ID, and here is where I will mention a moment where there was not any touch. Which, probably could be an essay in and of itself, but I don't have the capacity at the moment, on this airplane, to comb through all the scenes and look for it. But here, this one feels important, because Day takes the ID from Mhok, but Mhok does not let go right away. Their fingers are so close, and in a lot of movies, the handing over of an item would usually involve some sort of moment where fingertips brush and a shockwave of electricity ripples through the future couple. But we don't get that here. The moment of connection, the moment that Day really knows he can trust Mhok, the moment Day decides he is going to hire Mhok has nothing to do with touch, and everything to do with sound. He hears Mhok read Chapter 21 of The Little Prince, a book that is desperately important to Day, and that is that. And I do think it is important that these little touches that we've had, and where we break from the romance tradition for touch are important. Because, I think it is totally fine for feelings to grow between Mhok and Day rather quickly, but I do not think it would have been wise to show Mhok having some sort of actual crush on Day from the beginning. If Mhok had some sort of romantic or sexually attractive feelings for Day before he started working there, that would, in my opinion, read as predatory in some sense. Especially looking ahead to Episode 2, when Mhok is shirtless in Day's room.

Because, the thing about physical touch in television is that a lot of different elements go in to selling it as romantic chemistry. One of the most important components is timing and close up. As a side note, I think timing is a huge factor in to why I did not enjoy Perth and Chimon together in Dangerous Romance (before I dropped it) because the camera just never lingered long enough on their faces or on their touches for me to believe they had feelings for each other. But, by Episode 3 of Last Twilight I can see the care and the chemistry between Mhok and Day. I can see the comfortability that Mhok and Day have from almost the very beginning of knowing each other, but I don't take much of their physical interactions to be sexually charged or romantic in Episode 1. Why would they be? These two don't know each other. By generally avoiding zooming in on just Day and Mhok's hands when they touch, by having Mhok grabbing Day's chin with his thumb quickly and lightly you aren't building to tension. Aof is merely demonstrating that physical touch between Day and Mhok is welcomed and Day is not going to be uncomfortable with having Mhok take care of him.

So we head in to Episode 2 with the understanding that there is some fundamental aspect of Mhok that Day is drawn to, and that Mhok and Day are going to get along.

Episode 2

Now, as much as I have loved the rapidly developing relationship between Mhok and Day, I do kind of wish we had had a full episode's worth of two angry, grieving people coming head to head. But, regardless, Aof handles the transition between casual touch and Something More with expert precision. Unsurprising, considering his oeuvre.

gif by @mooninaugust

So we get absolutely my favorite touch moment to date in Episode 2 with the absolutely terrible secret handshake between two blind people. I love how Mhok is witness to this moment of excitement and friendship between Day and Aon, and that we are too. Because it shows us where Mhok currently stands in Day's hierarchy of relationships. Mhok at the beginning of Episode 2 is still an acquaintance, some dude they hired because he cursed the family out and read The Little Prince during his interview process. The cut scene between Mhok saying Day might not want to see him, and Aon and Day hugging and doing their stupid loser handshake (I love them) shows Mhok and the audience that Day does have joy within him, and that Day is starting to build friendship and connection within his new (read: blind) community. We won't know until a little later in the episode how much Day has been cutting himself off from his old life, but for the time being Mhok knows his place in Day's life.

And Aon picks up on the fact that there is *something* even if it is not necessarily romantic there between Mhok and Day, again not by seeing anything physical between them because a) Mhok and Day did not touch in front of Aon and b) Aon would not have been able to see it anyway. But instead calls out the fact that Day has never talked about a single one of his caregivers before. We know now (and definitely should know already) that Mhok is different from other people Day has engaged with since he started going blind. We just haven't had time for their relationship to mature.

photo from @thatgirl4815

If I recall correctly, the first physical touch between Mhok and Day we get in Episode 2 is when Day accidentally touches Mhok's titty while searching for the eye drops. You can see Day recoil in shock a bit and he questions Mhok almost immediately as to why his shirt is off. Mhok is incredibly matter-of-fact in explaining that Day said he didn't like the smell of cigarettes, so he took his shirt off so as not to stink up Day's room (we can ignore the fact that he would still smell like cigs, but we ignore it For The Vine) and Day relaxes and makes some sort of annoyed comment. Again here, there is no romantic attraction in this rather intimate touch. I mean, this is Mhok's what? Second or third day? Mhok and Day barely know each other, Mhok is constantly fucking up the Whole Routine because he isn't communicating with Day about what Day's needs are, and here he is in his employer's room having his pec fondled. This is supposed to read as funny, and ultimately I think it does, but it doesn't read as romantic, and it definitely should not. What has Mhok done up to this point that would cause Day to have Genuine Romantic Feelings for him? Nothing.

photo from @moonchildridden

Again, the first hint that feelings may be approaching comes outside of the touch, with Mhok seeing how excited Day is to use those few precious seconds of better vision to watch his goldfish. And even moreso, it's not just the action that I think start the train rolling, but the conversation that Mhok has with Day where he asks if the goldfish is lonely. Mhok is able to con Day in to leaving his room by leveraging the health and safety of one of the few things Mhok has seen Day care about and connect with in the short time they've known each other. Day gets outside for the first time in god knows how long, to find that the jasmine is in bloom and to have a lovely conversation with Mhok about it. Mhok asks about Day's vision, how he sees, what he can see, and he tries to adapt to Day's necessary distance requirements. Day of course, has his head turned away and thus does not see Mhok coming in to Day's eyesight range, and bumps his nose against the top of Mhok's finger.

This little, accidental movement is one of my favorites of the episode, mostly because it opens up the conversation where Day asks what Mhok is doing and Mhok asks if Day wants to see his face. And this scene establishes exactly what I mean about timing as it relates to building sexual tension. Day ponders for a moment, the camera lingers on his face, the audience begins to feel like Day is caught off-guard, like maybe he does have some sort of crush on Mhok and he does want to see his face. Only for Day to break that tension right before it gets awkwardly long and tell Mhok he does not. This is closer to the shit that friends would pull. And thus we see that in a very quick period of time Mhok is becoming more important in Day's life as a waypoint. He is listening to Mhok, he has a slight bit of banter going with Mhok when they watch a movie, and even after Day fires Mhok (for the physical touches I will talk about next) Mhok's influence on Day's general day to day (haha) existence is clear in the fact that Day is sitting on the couch and trying to pick a movie entirely independently of anyone.

Things are starting to go smoothly, when Day's friends show up asking when he got back from America. Day panics at the unexpected arrival of friends who seem not to know about his condition, spills his popcorn, and falls to the floor, where he is desperately scrambling to get back on his feet and Get The Fuck Out. Mhok tries to help him up, but he's pretty quickly brushed off. This is the first time we see Day reject a touch from Mhok. Knowing what I know now about where we end up in Episode 3, I am realizing how important this entire scene (from Day tripping to Mhok getting fired) is for establishing a comparison point for change. Because the unwanted touch continues when Mhok breaks in to Day's room, also in a panic when Day is bathing.

gif by @btwinlines

We get such a juicy moment of Mhok and Day's trauma clashing with each other in a way that is unintentionally terrible all around. Day does not know about Mhok's backstory, Day does not know that by putting in his headphones and intentionally ignoring Mhok he is accidentally triggering Mhok regarding the death of his sister. Mhok knows that Day is upset, but only hears the room fall quiet, he does not know that Day is in the bathtub (read: naked) when he comes barging in. Again, to reference the post whoever it was made that talked about the rates of abuse/assault of disabled people by caregivers, this is a horrifically vunerable position that Day finds himself in. Mhok is far enough away from Day's range of vision for Day to see him immediately duck behind a wall to give Day privacy while he wraps himself in a towel. And before Day can really process what is happening, with both his emotions and Mhok's running high, Mhok is grabbing at Day's wrists to check them for cuts. A beautiful (and terrible) detail.

Personally, I do not think anyone's reaction to that situation is wrong, but it does give Day a second round of extremely uncomfortable and unwelcome touching from Mhok, when he's already escalated, and trying to process the fact that Mhok just barged in to his room while Day was naked and got a little peek. Here Day demonstrates that he does have autonomy, and that Mhok respects that autonomy with Day firing Mhok after two particularly awful physical interactions, and with Mhok not even saying a word in protest and just accepting his termination and leaving the house.

photo from @thescrumptiousstuffs

Now. Mhok isn't completely going out fighting, and Mhok I think has really started to realize that he cares for Day (even if he doesn't necessarily have feelings at this point) because of how badly he was triggered by Day falling silent. Mhok is a thoughtful person and respects Day's boundaries by sending Porjai to the house instead of going himself. Much to Day's chagrin, because the second the doorbell rings, you can see this hopeful look that maybe Mhok is going to walk through that door. Porjai hands Day the present Mhok bought him, and Mhok does hold the slippers close, but he relies heavily on his hands to feel the slippers to figure out what they are and what they look like. He knows immediately that Mhok has been paying attention and trying to get to know Day immediately because the slippers solve the problem Day has had with hitting his feet on furniture corners, and the slippers look like goldfish, one of the few things Day has seemed to care about since knowing Mhok.

Beyond the fact that I think Day already felt bad about what happened the other day and regrets firing Mhok, this really does demonstrate to Day that people still care about him, want to get to know him, and understand that adaptation is a constant in Day's new reality. But Mhok takes it further, by committing to the motherfucking bit to understand Day better.

Aside: I fucking *love* Aof for how often his stories focus on the overlooked or disenfranchised people, and I think that while it is going to be a feat for Last Twilight to become my favorite Aof piece considering how important Moonlight Chicken is to me, the backstories of Mhok and Day and the way they inform character decisions is perhaps my favorite of all of the shows I've seen of Aof's. I *love* the conversation that Mhok and Aon have where Aon says Day is scared of being looked at and judged by people, and how Mhok is like "why?" because he has spent the last year a visible criminal, trying to get a job, and being constantly rejected for exactly the reason he thinks. Mhok has spent so much time and energy over the last year trying to reintegrate himself in to society, while Day has spent so much time and energy over the last year trying to remove himself from society as completely as he can. Even if I am not sure that he believes it wholly, I do think Mhok understands that he isn't an inherently bad person because he was locked up, but that he is a victim of circumstance, and yet even reformed from his truancy past, Mhok found it impossible to get a job because people stopped caring about him as a person the second they saw his ankle monitor. Thus, Mhok knows exactly what it is like to be written off, to be abandoned, to be forgotten and I think it is for precisely those reasons that Mhok decides to spend the time and effort to understand the world that Day is living in.

The ankle monitor has served as an embarrassment for Mhok in such a way that I truly do not think Mhok is concerned about seeming like a complete and utter fool. And even so, he starts to understand the fear that Day is living with existing as a blind person in public, because Mhok is extremely used to seeing what people think of him without them having to say anything, and now he has no idea.

gif by @btwinlines

Which I think is a good segue in to the next physical touch we get, which is Day feeling Mhok's face in the marketplace after he asks Porjai to take him there. Again, the distance of the camera, the timing of the movement does not come off as romantic, at least to me. But it does come off as comfortable. I think Day is fucking with Mhok a little bit when he touches his face, and we don't actually acknowledge or get any conversation around the way Day has just demonstrated what it feels like to be touched without warning.

And YET AGAIN Aof has their bond strength not through touch, but through conversation. Because they aren't falling for each other yet, they are still learning about one another. And so they have a conversation where Mhok apologies and Mhok explains what he was trying to do and Mhok identifies what it is that makes Day so afraid of being in public. And we end Episode 2 with Mhok being re-hired as Day's caregiver. But wait!

Remember the last touch we get in Episode 1 is not a touch at all, it's Day taking his ID back from Mhok. Well, the last touch we get in Episode 2 is not a touch at all, it's Day throwing his hands to the sky on the back of Mhok's motorcycle and letting the wind hit his face. It's Day sitting on the complete opposite side of a glass tank, and using his moment of improved vision to catch a glimpse of Mhok. They aren't touching, yet we end the episode with the understanding that Day and Mhok have strengthened their relationship and are on the fast road to friendship. Personally, I feel like it is extremely responsible of Aof to not treat touching a blind person or having a blind person touch you as inherently romantic, and to have the more stomach swoopy moments come from actions and observations entirely devoid of touch. But, I'm not blind so I don't know how much something like that might actually matter to blind people who are engaging with this story.

Episode 3

IT IS TIME FOR FEELINGS!

There are so many physical touches in this episode. The first we get is Mhok unwrapping a bandage on Day's foot, with Day looking extremely at peace with the action. The second we get is Mhok kind of poking at Day and then jokingly moving to pick Day up when he refuses to start cleaning his room. Day doesn't seem like a person generally fond of man-handling, but you can tell very easily that Mhok is just fucking with Day because Day fucked with Mhok. We are witnessing friendship! Which persists throughout the entire episode.

photo by @athousandbyeol

I like too that Mhok using the blindfold to better understand Day is not a one and done situation. Again there are a few friendly touch moments that do not at all read as romantic.Mhok steals Day’s sunglasses and is perfectly at peace with Day feeling up his face to try to see if the sunglasses Mhok is wearing are his; and when Mhok's hand envelopes Day's when they are trying to guess the shirts in Day's closet by feel alone. Day does not tense up, he doesn't suck in a breath, he doesn't really let that touch linger. He shakes it off quickly and is like "that's my hand". And again, as an aside (I hope this does not come across inappropriately but) I kinda like that Mhok is almost gamifying Day's blindness. What I mean by that is that Day and Mhok are engaging in friendly competition to see who can accurately guess the article of clothing. It seems like a great way to bring some joy and levity to helping Day get better at understanding his surroundings without the use of his vision.

I am an absolute sucker for couples in shows that have an established friendship beforehand. I don't mean friends to lovers necessarily, but too often in BLs I have noticed that romantic interests are only ever that and we don't get a lot of moments of stupidity, tomfoolery, and fun. So you better believe I was living my best life in the next physical touch scene when Day and Mhok are fighting with the dinosaur costumes on. And this is where the physical touches start to change, because we start without physical touch and end with it, where we have up until this point been ending every moment of connection and relationship progression ending without touch.

gif by @raypakorn

For the dinosaur fight, we get the non-romantic, entirely platonic assistive touch of Mhok helping (poorly) to guide Day to the driveway (this fucker was so ready to wrestle he forgot to tell Day to mind the stairs at first lmfao). The actual point of connection starts with Mhok intentionally trying to dive out of the way of Day’s touch. And once again Mhok Day’s blindness to elevate a game between them, by clapping and then diving out of the way to try to avoid Day’s movements. But that avoidance of physical interaction very quickly devolves in to a wrestling embrace, laughing, having fun, and then settling on the ground to chat until Day hears his mother’s car and they run back inside to hide the evidence of childish glee.

Day’s mother returns to find a very different Day from who she left, he’s out of his room, he’s eating in the dining room, he’s seeming much more confident in his ability to navigate around the house. And of course, she has to go and ruin the moment by pushing too quickly on a nerve about going back to school. Day wants to withdraw from school and he needs to go in person.

Now.

We have seen Day taking massive strides in his own healing process in the last few episodes because he is starting to ask for help when he needs it, and Mhok is getting better at caretaking because he is started to ask if Day wants help for certain tasks or if Day is going to do them himself, thus allowing Day to set his limitations. Knowing that Day is going in to school, he asks Mhok to help him fix up his hair, and we get the first of many more crush-level physical touches in the show.

gif by @jimmysea

I’m not Thai, so forgive me if this is wrong, but I am pretty sure that in Thai culture the head is considered sacred and having people touch your head carries a significance that I do not think Western audiences really understand (speaking as a Western viewer). If this is indeed true, then the scene where Mhok is fixing Day’s hair gets even more intense, even when there is a clear change in Mhok’s view of Day from friendly to starting to see something more. Mhok even makes a comment about how Day is a stunner (or something) when his hair is done, and when Mhok asks Day if he likes it and Day returns the question, there is a pause that is not at all dissimilar to the pause Day had after Mhok asked him if Day wanted to know what Mhok looked like.

But where the tension from Episode 2 when Mhok asks the question is broken in a way that makes it seem more like Day is just teasing, I don’t think Mhok’s deflection of “it’s alright” really returns the same level of dismissal. Because Mhok is starting to realize something about the way he is feeling for Day.

We get the inside of the Thai subway for the first time in maybe ever? As Mhok and Day make their way to Day’s college. And thus the not-a-date-kind-of-a-date adventure begins. Day is clinging on to Mhok’s arm as they navigate on to the subway car, at which point Mhok breaks off from Day to try to ask for a seat for Day. But Day grabs him and pulls him back, choosing instead of hold on to Mhok’s arm. Like I have been saying, Aof has been doing a really great job at differentiating the types of touches, and up until this point, the more intimate touches between Mhok and Day, such as when Day feels Mhok’s titty in his bedroom or Mhok’s face at the market, don’t read as romantic, because Day is taking in information to supplement his vision. Similarly, the moments where Day is holding on to Mhok for assistance in environmental navigation, such as when Mhok helps guide Day to his professor’s office or helps him down the stairs the physical touch is matter-of-fact on both ends.

photo by @athousandbyeol

But here, in the subway, we get the first instance of physical touch from an environmental navigation standpoint that reads more like a man who is developing a crush rather than Day just being guided…

…but that comes from Day, not from Mhok. Which I appreciate massively from the standpoint of ensuring that Mhok as the caretaker does not appear to be taking advantage of Day. In the subway, Day could have sat down, he didn’t need to stay standing, he didn’t need to continue holding on to Mhok. But he chooses to do that. He chooses to keep his arm linked tightly with Mhok’s, he chooses to get a little flirty with Mhok when he says as long as Mhok stays close to him, that’s all Day needs. And we get the close up of Mhok and Day’s hands when Mhok moves to tap Day’s hand gently, and the shot lingers. Because things are starting to change.

I said in a previous reblog last week when Episode 3 came out that Aof does this really interesting thing in his direction and cinematography when characters share intimate moments, in that he breaks from his standard visual format. The lighting often changes, the camera isn’t held as steady, the moments are zoomed in much closer than we are used to. We get it with Heart and Li Ming playing that spider game with their fingers the night that Li Ming sleeps over and we get it in the subway when Day stumbles slightly and swallows hard, embarrassed and avoiding eye contact while Mhok looks at Day kind of fondly.

gif by @taeminie

So we see the spark in the subway and then watch that spark begin to catch when they end up in the dressing room together. Day and Mhok both establish that they have never been in a dressing room with another person to cut the tension and nerves a bit. Afterall, this is the first time that we’ve seen where Mhok is getting up close and personal with Day’s partially nude body, when they are both calm, collected, and not amidst a panic attack about a potential medical emergency. No one is feeling violated, no one is feeling scared, no one is having their privacy forcibly removed from them. But that makes them all that more aware of how they are feeling, physically, when they are touching and being touched.

And we get a secondary Aof Camerawork Moment where the style of shot changes and we get that gorgeous zoom in on Mhok’s hands and Day’s chest when Mhok helps Day back in to his shirt. And isn’t it wonderful that the most sensual and intimate moment that we have seen from Mhok and Day so far is putting Day’s clothes back on?

gif by @wanderlust-in-my-soul

Check out @btwinlines’ post about this scene.

Day and Mhok continue their day, find the Last Twilight book, and are hanging about the market where Mhok leaves Day standing against a pole while he runs to grab a drink. As a result, we get a bombardment of physical touch, the most overwhelming to date because Day is getting just absolutely shunted around, bumping elbows and shoulders with the people at the market with no idea of where he is or where he is going. And this is where we really get an understanding of how terrible physical touch can be when you don’t have any bearing of your surroundings and can’t see where people are coming from or anticipate contact.

We got a scene in Episode 1 where we see how dangerous being blind has the potential to be, but Day isn’t being touched by anybody at that point until he is pulled off the street by Mhok. But this time while Day does have a moment where he is in more physical danger because he stumbles on to the street, he is relatively much more safe getting lost in the marketplace than when he ran out on to the street in Episode 1, cause the few cars that are present are moving slow and know to be looking out for pedestrians. Day is grabbed and directed by random strangers who are trying to help him and kind of just…drag him along until he is out of the street when he is visibly panicking and then just…left on the side of the road with an offhanded statement from strangers that he is “safe now” and they just…leave him alone and continue on their way. Even there, with a helpful touch, there is no safety or comfortability in Day’s posture, he is not calmed by hearing that he is safe. Which serves as a really great comparison point for how comfortable Day has pretty much always been with Mhok (minus the one moment of severe dysregulation after being surprised by his friends and then by Mhok when Day was buck ass naked).

Especially when compared to the relief that just rushes through Day’s body when he and Mhok are reunited and they embrace.

AND LIKE OKAY, CAN I GO ON A BRIEF TANGENT TO TALK ABOUT THE PINK SHIRT?

gif by @tomystars

You know how in a lot of romances you get that moment where you get the like, love at first sight thing? Time slows down, one half of the romantic pair picks the other half of the romantic pair out of the crowd? WE GET THAT HERE, WITH THE BLIND CHARACTER BEING THE ONE WHO PICKS THE FUTURE LOVE INTEREST OUT OF THE CROWD.

The pink shirt is brilliant, and I love how it both acts as an anchor point for Day who is able to calm down upon seeing it, and not panic or freak out when being grabbed and embraced by Mhok after having a decently traumatic experience with physical touch just minutes before while also reaffirming that Mhok is learning and internalizing the adaptations he needs to incorporate in to his own life to make Day’s daily life easier and more accessible. Mhok understands how Day’s vision functions, he remembers that Day has said he could see that shirt from Mars it’s so bright, and he provides an in for Day to maintain his autonomy by making it possible for Day to potentially see Mhok before Mhok sees Day.

ANYWAY

@athousandbyeol

The embrace they share when Day and Mhok are reunited is not charged, is not romantic, at least not to me. But what it does show is how much care Day and Mhok have for each other, how quickly their friendship is developing, and the safe spaces these two will find in the other. Day calms so quickly the second he and Mhok are touching, as soon as he has an anchor. And he won’t let go of Mhok either.

Aof and co have been playing well with dichotomies, here, a situation that pulls Day and Mhok physically apart ends up bringing them emotionally closer together. It is clear that Day does not blame Mhok for what happened, even if Mhok was gone much longer than anticipated, and that is affirmed by Day defending Mhok to his mother when she questions Mhok’s caretaking skills and holds his criminal record over his head.

And, let’s not forget, this is just writing about the physical touch, this post does not discuss whether or not the lack of touch is important. I wrote a decent chunk of this in the airport without wifi, so I could only talk about physical touch from memory, I didn't rewatch anything like I normally do, so apologies if I missed stuff.

#last twilight #last twilight the series #last twilight meta #last twilight analysis #jimmysea #mhokday #mhok x day #morkday #mork x day #physical touch in last twilight #sorry for the delay anon I know you sent this ask the other day #but fun fact it does take me an ungodly number of hours to write things so I hope you did not feel ignored #wka long post

206 notes · View notes

bibibbon · 4 months

Text

What fails in MHA: gags/jokes

As well all know gags and jokes are everywhere in shonen but they are rarely done well in my opinion especially in MHA. There isn't a problem with having a bit of comedy in your manga but when the gag or joke either harms the characters development or just is offensive it tends to just fall flat at best and ruin the story at worst.

There are many common and multiple gags hori uses which I HATE:

Izuku/the midoriya family are crybabies. This is one that was VERY PRESENT during the earlier seasons which in my opinion ruined the show and many peoples view of izuku as a character. It makes sense why izuku would cry more then a regular shonen type of MC considering that he is supposed to be a "normal" teenager and he shows some very clear signs of anxiety. I understand when people get annoyed at how much he cries especially because it's very over exaggerated a lot of the time and just depicts him crying a waterfall when you could of just shown him tearing up. It's a bit more excusable for inko but it really doesn't shine a good look on her especially knowing that she is quite emotionally dependent on her son .

Katsuki being mean towards literally anyone and anything. We know that bakugo is a character who is going through a redemption arc to change and become a better person so we shouldn't see him be so aggressive and angry if he is trying to change especially if it's a joke. A gag like that really ruins his development and to me its the reason why I don't think he really changed his attitude or way of thinking towards izuku as much as people like to believe he has ( CANON BAKUGO AND FANON BAKUGO AREN'T THE SAME )

Perverted characters like mineta or sir nighteye .Yes, this is definitely targeted towards mineta and night eye because Iam still very disgusted by the scene of bubble girl and night eye and mineta just gives me the absolute CREEPS. honestly, idk what it is with hori and giving us these type of stuff it's honestly disturbing and disgusting I don't think I would mind if it were done to criticise or lambast something about hero societies pedophilic undertones and the way it loves to sexualise female characters but it's just there as a horrible gag.

Dumbing down denki and making him seem stupid. This is more of making UA look bad because Denki could of been seriously hurt in the usj because of the whole dumbing him down gag and while it isn't the worst gag in the show it kinda falls flat in my opinion and just makes ua look bad. It's also double standards in my opinion because he would be useless in battle if he were to overuse his quirk just like izuku.

The interview scene with mount lady. I don't understand why izuku was ridiculed for his lack of control when it came to blackwhip and it doesn't help that some of the characters where DEFINITELY ACTING OUT OF CHARACTER when they all had the same reaction.

There are some 50/50 gags that still failed due to horikoshi not letting them go or not handling them well.

Izuku's everlasting fanboyism of heroes especially all might. Look this one isn't that bad but like I just don't like the fact that he never grew out of it. I personally like to think that izuku was a big all might fanboy is because he saw all might as the only person who actually believed in him and gave him words of encouragement even if it was through a screen and even if those words where directed towards anyone not only him. As the story progresses izuku should grow to realise that all might is a flawed individual who has cared for him but harmed him at the same time.

Horikoshis perception of izuku being "too intense". This could of easily been incorporated into Izuku's character as an actual character trait that could be used as a gag from time to time. For example we see izuku over think everything or hyper analyse so many small things like fuyumi's cooking. There are moments where izuku seems to come off as weird to other characters and I feel like that shouldn't happen or it should be handled in a better way. I mean how is it that someone doing something so simple as looking at a video intensely will freak/weird you out compared to someone who has a weird quirk or a passerby doing something weird

There are definitely A LOT MORE THAT IAM PROBABLY FORGETTING.

However, hori does have some good gags/ jokes in my opinion, yes they are rare but they do indeed exist like:

Kirishima's manliness. A lot of the time this actually promotes positive masculinity which is something that is definitely needed and it also helps develop kiris character a whole lot more

This one interaction between jiro and tokoyami. I really liked it, it didn't come out as sexual which is something I really enjoyed and you can clearly tell it's just two classmates vibing and trying not to die

Tokoyami and his whole darkness persona. Idk I guess this is me but I like it, it adds a lot to tokoyami while also not being overused .

This one Iam 50/50 with and it's yuuga and his whole I like cheese and I can't stop twinkling persona. I think it adds more depth to his character and foreshadows his role as the traitor to a certain extent but I also find it a bit stereotypical considering the fact that he is french and yuuga will just end up speaking in basic french words and then Japanese

Hawks favourite food ironically being chicken wings. It's simple but it also makes us closer to hawks and can make him a bit more relatable to people

Izuku, iida and shotos hand crusher joke. That has to be my favourite joke in the series it literally didn't end up mocking anyone and cemented one of the best MHA trios

Overall, hori sucks at making truly enjoyable gags and has a lot that harm characters developments especially surrounding his MC Izuku but he can sometimes actually provide enjoyable ones.

#bnha critical #izuku deserves better #mha critical #horikoshi critical #mha #bhna critical #bnha

60 notes · View notes

nat-without-a-g · 1 month

Text

Spoilers for DNDads season 2 up to episode 48, but—

When season 2 started and Grant said something about how he already saw some of himself in Linc (implied to be a bad thing), I really didn’t give it much thought. I mean— Linc is super into video games and soccer, two things that Darryl tried very hard to understand when Grant was a kid to relate to his interests, so that’s probably what he meant. But I think I know when his anxiety about Linc becoming a “monster” like him or however to phrase it might have started becoming more real.

I KNOW i shouldn’t give to much flack to Linc for this since he was a little kid and therefore probably not fully aware of the damage he was trying to do, and Matt admits it was the worst thing he’s ever done, meaning nothing like that happened before or since. That being said: Linc put laxatives in other children’s drinks. I feel like we’re missing a few details (how old was linc, how old were the other kids, how many laxatives, did anyone actually consume the laxatives or was he caught, did anyone get more hurt than a stomach ache because most brands of laxatives are probably not safe for children) but I think no matter what the answers to all of these were, I think the knowledge that your kid is remorseless enough to poison another child was Not healthy for Grant or Marco.

Like, they probably only considered the group homeschooling thing because they felt bad about how little Linc got to see other kids now that school was starting up and still wanted him to have time to socialize with others. And he seemed to take to it well at first, but then grew kind of cold to the other students as the whole family grew more acclimated and as Grant you’d probably be like. Oh this is just growing pains or something, me or my husband are always present so I can tell these kids never pick on him or obstruct him from doing what he wants. He’s just shy, and that’s kind of our fault for not giving him more time with others his age, they’ll start playing together soon, totally. And then your son attempts to poison all of them with tablets out of the pantry.

What’s worse is that this isn’t a situation where he thought it was candy or something, he figured out that those tablets are Not good if you don’t need them and could probably hurt him (probably BECAUSE of Marco and Grant warning him not to touch them), and used that knowledge against the other kids. Already disturbing, especially if you’re scared your murderous tendencies are going to rub off on your kid, but it’d be easier to wave off as a singular incident. There is a chance Linc could have hospitalized another child, though I feel like Matt would have mentioned it. So. Already a rough experience from Linc, Marco and Grant have to leave the homeschooling group and act like their family isn’t kind of marked to other families in the area, even if no one got hurt and everyone laughed it off. This is probably part of the reason the rule about him not straying too far from his dads specifically when around other kids (he was allowed to go into a different group of dance classes while Marco and Grant did ballroom dancing! That’s more than 2 and a half feet!) was put into place, honestly.

Without the context that Linc doesn’t like when he feels like he’s going to lose the attention of his dads to another kid, which I don’t think he was able to verbalize as a kid, it comes off like the nightmare scenario. It explains so much more about why they always put Linc as the center of attention and treated him like they were attempting to mitigate nonexistent behavioral issues. And why they might have chosen to preemptively get rid of the cat when they saw Linc was being (Matt’s words not mine) cruel towards it. It’s so much wilder to think of the weird aspects of Linc’s childhood of you consider it being not just to keep Linc safe, but to not let Linc hurt anyone else.

All of this is to say, I can see why Grant was a little more worried about Linc being remorseless towards harming others, because between the cat and the other homeschool kids, he had a track record before he was 8. I literally did not understand where he was coming from At All before episode 48.

#dndads #dungeons and daddies #dndads season 2 #dungeons and daddies season 2 #dndads spoilers #grant li Wilson #Marco li Wilson #lincoln li wilson #dndads headcanon #and then you see him mourn a video game character and get really confused.#(you being grant in this case) fsdjahkj

23 notes · View notes

to-thelakes · 2 months

Note

What do you think about Luke Alvez just staring at the reader doing their makeup bc he doesn't know how to describe what he feels but the reader just thinks they don't look good

okay, i saw this and immediately SO MANY THOUGHTS!

first off, luke would ABSOLUTELY GAWK, like that man is a SIMP, S.I.M.P, you probably wouldn't even notice but he would just be sitting on the bed and admiring you

it wasn't even anything you were doing specifically, but the way that you were able to so flawlessly apply the make-up, it enhanced the features that he already loved? he would just be in awe of you

like i think whether you two were dating or it was simply like a flirty vibe, he would act the same, luke is such a softie and that would absolutely translate into how much he adores his partner

and then when you ask him whats wrong or what he's looking at, he would FUMBLE, and fumble hard, he'd just sort of stare dumb-founded and try to find the words but absolutely have no idea what to say

luke gets smitten really easily and he usually shows it in how he acts/smiles, whatever, but he is really bad with his words sometimes, like he'll be thinking you're a god/goddess among humanity but will not be able to articulate it because he is simply speechless at you

then when you start to get anxious, thinking that the make-up is bad or that you look bad, he will jump to tell you that he thinks you are the most beautiful person alive, like he would shower you with compliments

if you were dating, he'd get you to come and sit with him on the bed and he'd kiss you and stroke your hair and tell you that he thinks you are perfect and that he thinks that you look perfect with your make-up how it is but if you're not happy, he can let whoever you're going to see know you'll be a little bit late and give you the time to fix it

if you were friends/crushing on each other, he'd tell you that you look gorgeous, shower you with compliments and promise you that he would tell you if he thought you looked bad (but you didn't so he wouldn't)

luke definitely is one that understands anxiety/depression/PTSD and most mental illnesses i'd say especially after he returned from Iraq and that obviously left him really mentally wounded, then joining the fugitive taskforce and the BAU, he is the king of being understanding and empathetic

also, he's a profiler so even if you hadn't said anything, he would have noticed that you were feeling insecure and would have coaxed you through it to make sure you were feeling okay before either of you stepped foot out of thee house

he is a very sweet soul and he would be an absolute simp in this scenario while also being very comforting and eventually being able to get his words together so he could tell you that he thought you were gorgeous

and i know this wasn't specifically requested but i may have written a little fluff piece because i was inspired which is below! but i just wanted to say, thank you for sending this in, i am having so much fun just being in love with luke alvez recently and so any excuse i have to think about him is one i will take, especially considering where i'm at in my watch of criminal minds is a little rough (13x15)

At some point, you had admitted to Luke that you hadn’t been out out for ages. The last boyfriend you had had was awful and he had never treated you to anything. Luke wasn’t going to let that slide and so, the two of you had arranged to go out for a meal. You weren’t sure if it was a date but Luke had told you to dress up nicely. So you did.

But when he came over with the bouquet of flowers and dressed up in a crisp white shirt, you weren’t ready. You had told him that you were running behind because you had to deal with a friend crisis so when he knocked, you had only just gotten out of the shower.

Your hair had still been dripping wet but he was patient with you. He understood and he kissed you on the cheek and took the flowers to put them in a vase. That gave you time to head back into your room and you dried and styled your hair before he appeared at the door.

“Where do you want 'em?” He asked, holding up the bouquet. You bit your lip, looking around the room before gesturing to your nightstand.

“They’ll be fine there,” You said. He nodded and placed them down. He then sat down on your bed as you faced the mirror on your desk. You were using your phone’s flashlight to light up your face as you reached out for your makeup. You had assumed that Luke had taken his phone out and was scrolling so you let the comfortable silence roll over the both of you.

But he wasn’t on his phone. Luke was sat on the bed, watching you apply the make-up through the mirror. He wanted to tell you how pretty you looked, how gorgeous you were - with or without make-up - but the words were stuck in his throat. So, he just silently admired you as you put foundation, blush, concealer, and highlighter on. It was a simple look and you had decided against eyeshadow considering that your dress was on the bolder colour spectrum.

It was only when you picked up the mascara from the drawer that you really noticed that Luke was looking at you. He seemed mesmerised and you sent him a smile through the mirror.

“What?” You asked softly, untwisting the mascara. You then lifted the wand to your eye and began to apply it but Luke was still silent. It was making your stomach twist in anxiety, “Does it not look right?” You quickly asked, quickly slipping the mascara wand back in the tube to turn around to look at him, “Do you… not like it? I just wanted to go for a simpler look because my dress is kind of bold. Is it bad?” Luke was frowning now and he shook his head, clearing his throat.

“No, no, you look beautiful,” He insisted but the familiar self-consciousness had begun to creep in. You swallowed the lump that was crawling its way up your throat and turned back to the mirror. You glanced at the make-up wipes, wondering if it was better to just start over, “Hey.” You glanced up at him and his face was still set into a frown.

Before you had the chance to tell him that it was okay and that you could just start again or change, he had stepped up behind you. He rested his hands on your shoulders, squeezing them softly before he knelt down so he could look at you through the mirror.

“You look beautiful, carina,” He repeated and you honestly didn’t believe him, “I didn’t know how to tell you and I look at you and you’re breathtaking. Please, finish your mascara and let me take you out.” His tone was soft and you felt yourself smile. You turned back to look at him, practically grinning ear-to-ear. Part of you didn’t believe him but the bigger part of you knew had never seen him so earnest and that bigger part of you was winning.

“Thank you,” You whispered. He smiled and then leant up and pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“Anytime,” He retorted before he stepped back and sat down on the bed. He still couldn’t quite put into words how much he adored you. He felt completely starstruck when you had opened the door and it had taken everything in him not to fumble his words like a teenager with his high-school crush. He just hoped that he would be able to tell you how much he loved you. He just needed to find the words.

#luke alvez x you #luke alvez x reader #luke alvez fluff #criminal minds #criminal minds fluff #luke alvez drabble #drabble #fluff #ruby rambles #reader-insert

26 notes · View notes

alostlittleriverlotus · 2 years

Text

Also the "quiet BPD" subtype feels so much like some sort of divide between the "angry, mean stereotype" and this "poor quiet internalized victim" really. Like I've seen the other subtypes, but when I first learned about them years ago, it was high functioning/quiet BPD and I genuinely saw things that would heavily imply that they were better because they wouldn't take their anger out on others.

It just feels like another way to divide personality disorders and demonize them. I'm not saying people with BPD that use the term "quiet BPD" are doing this specifically, but it's very reminiscent and feels like how people with BPD separate themselves from the icky narcissists and antisocial people (/sarcastic) in this day and age. Like how people will make BPD into the "victim disorder" while NPD and ASPD are the "abusive disorders" and then cluster a and c and HPD are all just forgotten.

It just very much so reminds me of that. Or just dividing with introvert/extrovert or internlized/externalized. And considering I saw a comment literally describing quiet BPD as not being the angry/violent type- I- that just sounds so so so bad.

This comes from someone with BPD that has been both and experiences all the subtypes.

And then I saw someone say "aside from the fact I experience all four subtypes (not all at once, they fluctuate)" like yeah? That's just how disorders work? You're not going to be constantly angry or having episodes and you're not going to be constantly internalizing everything and blaming yourself. I just cannot fathom how people see this, these boxes and subtypes, and don't see how this is just normal. For like tons of disorders.

Not even just personality disorders. It feels like high/low functioning labels, introvert/extrovert, personality types, all of that stuff that tries to box us all in under one label and ignores the fact that people are different, people change, and people can be more than one thing.

This doesn't feel like bipolar 1/2 disorder or seasonal depression versus normal depression or social anxiety for generalized anxiety. This doesn't feel like an actual separation of diagnoses. It just feels like a disorder existing in multitudes and people have put them into 4 different subtypes.

I even used to say I had quiet BPD. And when my BPD was suddenly externalized again? I felt like a monster and evil and like I did something to make my BPD become external. Quiet BPD comes off as "I am more likely to hurt myself so I'm not that bad, I'm just a victim" rather than any actual type of diagnoses. BPD is BPD. It's gonna exist in multitudes, have contradicting elements, have different experiences, especially since every person is different with different disorders affecting them. What do subtypes do to help? What happens when you think you're just one or two types and then you suddenly act so differently than previously thought? And trust me, when that happened to me, it was terrifying. My whole world view of my BPD was thrown off which only made my rage episodes worse.

I just don't see the point to having subtypes to personality disorders. Personalities are complex as is, personality disorders are just as complex, so of course there's going to seemingly be "different types."

I dunno, man. And again, this isn't saying anyone that DOES use these and has BPD is suddenly bad or wrong or whatever for it. I used em once too and especially when you first learn about having BPD, I can see why it may be useful in ways. But I feel it's ultimately restricting and focuses too much on categorizing a complex disorder.

319 notes · View notes

gardensgatekeeper · 5 months

Text

'Tis the Damn Season - Part 2

Pairing: Danny Wagner x Reader

Word Count: 2,078

Warnings: Fluff, angst, sadness, more fluff. As always, let me know if I missed any!

Broke my own heart writing this one :')

If you haven’t already, read part one

Bored was an understatement as you found yourself picking at your sweater while half listening to your family drag on about all the latest small-town gossip, the sole reason you left in the first place. You eventually wandered into the kitchen to get a refill of whatever would shut your brain off for at least five minutes. The holidays seemed to linger like bad perfume, and truthfully you wanted nothing more than to just pack up and drive back to the city but you know you’d never hear the end of it from your mom. And as much as you were highly considering bailing on Danny, something in your brain was screaming at you to hear him out.

You practically gulped down a glass of wine before beginning to refill the glass as your mom walked in. She sat her glass down beside yours, “Pour me one while you’re at it.” The two of you stood in silence as you sipped your drinks until you spoke up. “I saw Danny while I was out today.” You quietly said, as if trying not to let anyone else hear. Her eyes perked up as she turned towards you, waiting to hear the details of your encounter. “Oh?”

Though your mom could be a little perfunctory at times, she really was there for you when things were tough, especially the day Danny called things off. You recall the memory of you coming home with tears streaming down your face. She held you on the couch all night long, gently rocking you in her arms while whispering words of comfort until you eventually fell asleep.

“He wants to talk.” You muttered out, your voice full of dread and anxiety. “Well, honey. I know you two didn’t end things on good terms but maybe it’ll be good for you. For both of you. You’re both adults now, you shouldn't keep holding onto the past.

You hated how much she was right but simply nodded in agreement. “Just don’t go in with any expectations. Be open minded and mind your tongue before you start jumping in with blame.”

You took a long sip of your wine before replying. “I know. But you know how hard I worked to put all this behind me, I’m worried about messing all that up.” She placed her hand over yours, gently rubbing it and offering a warm smile. “I know Y/N. But I also know that you’ve got a brain up there that will tell you exactly what to do. You’ve got this.”

Well shit, didn’t expect to start crying just yet.

“Thanks mom. I think I’m gonna go lay down for a bit. If I have to hear Grandma Jean talk about ‘this damn inflation’ one more time, I might actually go crazy.” She chuckled in response as you both exited the kitchen and parted ways. Crawling into your bed, you continued sipping your wine as you aimlessly scrolled social media. Your heart panged a bit as you saw your friends had taken a weekend trip to the mountains. Something you had been suggesting to them for weeks. So much for that.

Setting your phone on the nightstand, you chugged the rest of the liquid in your glass before grabbing a blanket and closing your eyes, letting sleep consume you, even if for just a few minutes.

---

Clink!

The sound woke you from your slumber. Confused, you rubbed the sleep from your eyes as you took in the now dark room. How long did you sleep for? You grabbed your phone and was slightly blinded by the brightness but managed to distinguish the time, 11:13pm.

Clink!

The same sound snapped you out of your thoughts as you turned to look for the source of the noise. It wasn’t until the third time that you realized it was coming from your window. Cautiously, you walked over and gasped at the sight.

There, Danny stood with several small rocks in his hands. You quickly opened the window and stuck your head out, the brisk air fully waking you up.

“Danny, what the hell are you doing?” You quietly yelled out. “Sorry, I figured you’d probably changed your number when you moved. Wasn’t sure how else to contact you.” He replied honestly, wiping his hands on his jeans after dropping the rest of the rocks back to the ground. You shook your head at his stubborn determination, something that used to drive you crazy. “Plus, if I remember correctly, you agreed.”

You were then met with his outstretched arm as both of you knew you’d need his help to climb out of the window that was just a touch too high off the ground. “C’mon, just like old times.” His smirk held the memories of the countless times he’d helped you sneak out of the house to go on these late night drives, something the both of you quickly made a habit of.

It had been years since you’d crawled through this window, yet you still found yourself doing the same maneuvers to twist your body through the opening. His hands quickly found their way to your hips, gently squeezing as he helped you down. When your feet finally touched the ground below, his hands didn’t leave your hips. You two locked eyes for a moment until he realized what he was doing, clearing his throat. “Sorry. Uh, shall we go?” You nodded as he led the way to his truck parked on the street in front of your house.

“Still driving that old thing?” You fake insulted, though mostly surprised that it was still running. “Gets me where I need to go. No need to get a new one when there’s nothing wrong with this one.” He grinned, giving an encouraging pat to the hood of the truck.

Like old times, he opened the passenger door for you and you muttered out a quiet thank you. You felt like you were transported back in time. Apart from the more worn leather seats, the interior of his truck looked virtually unchanged; the same beaded necklace still hung from his rear view mirror, but what surprised you the most was the little drummer rubber duck still perched up on the driver’s side dashboard. One of your nephews had given you the small toy years ago at their birthday party and naturally you gave it to Danny. You couldn’t believe he had kept it there after all these years.

Danny slid in the driver’s seat and cranked the truck to life before slowly pulling out of your neighborhood. For a while, the only sound was that from the radio, a familiar tune filling the slightly awkward silence. That was, until Danny spoke up again.

“So, how have things been? Big city girl now, huh?” He suddenly broke the silence. “Yeah uh, kind of a haste decision but I love it.” You replied. He took a deep breath before speaking again. “Was it because of me?”

“Danny, are we really gonna do this?” You sighed out, already starting to feel the rush of emotions come flooding back.

“Yes, Y/N. We are gonna do this. Because I fucked up, okay? I’m sor-.” Despite your mom’s words from earlier playing in your ear, you couldn't help the word vomit coming up.

“Are you though? Are you really Danny? Or are you just saying that? Because you weren’t there. You went away to college while I was left to pick up all the pieces. You have no idea the shit I went through because you decided to just give up on us.” The tears had long started falling down your face as you barely choked out the last few words.

He was silent, accepting your words as he knew you were right. ‘Danny you really hurt me. I couldn't escape it. Everything reminded me of you and it fucking hurt. Do you know how hard it was having everyone look at me like I was some pathetic little lost dog. You never even reached out.” You whispered, wiping the tears from your eyes.

He suddenly pulled off the road into a field that lined the backroads the two of you were traveling down. As he put the truck in park, he turned towards you before replying.

“Y/N I know and I swear to god if I could go back in time and change it, I would. I was so fucking stupid for ever letting you go. But by the time I realized it, it was too late and I was scared. Scared that you had moved on and found someone new. Scared that you wouldn’t feel the same way anymore. Scared that I had really lost you forever and that there was nothing I could do to fix it. Please believe me.” He reached his hand over to grab yours that rested in your lap.

“I love you so much Y/N. I never stopped loving you.” He spoke. You couldn't help the tears as they started flowing again, much harder than before. Danny suddenly released your hand, quickly exiting the truck and you watched in confusion as he walked over to your side, throwing the door open. He reached over your lap, unbuckling your seatbelt before gently guiding you out of the vehicle. He simply engulfed you in a hug and just held you as you continued to cry out. “I’m so sorry baby.” you could hear the sniffle in his own voice as the two of you just stood there embracing one another while the stars twinkled above.

A couple minutes later, you spoke up again. “I often wonder what my life would be like if things would have worked out. I wouldn’t be living in a city with my so-called friends. I’m pretty sure they don’t even like me. None of them can tell which smiles I’m faking like you could.” You replied honestly.

“You know. The only reason I ever come back here is because of you. I’m always hoping that one day you’ll be here. Looks like I finally got my wish.” He answered, slightly pulling back to look at you. Slowly at first to make sure it was okay, he began gently kissing away each individual tear that had fallen from your eyes, getting dangerously closer to your lips with every peck.

“Danny-” You whispered out. He pulled back once more, looking between your eyes once more for any sign to stop, but there was none. Leaning back in, he pressed a soft kiss to your lips. Though gentle at first, it quickly evolved into one with so much more passion and hunger, as if trying to make up for lost time. Trying to heal all the damage and hurt that he had caused. Despite not having done this in years, the two of you found your rhythm just like that. Like nothing had changed.

Before things could get too heated, he pulled back again. Confusion shot across your face as you immediately began to feel regret. But just as quickly, he sensed it and reassured you. “I don’t want to push things. I just got you back and I don’t want to lose you again. Not this time Y/N. Let’s just take it slow.” You were a little disappointed because his lips felt so perfect against yours but Danny was right.

He released your hand and grabbed the blanket you briefly remembered seeing folded up in the back before walking around to the back of the truck to open the tailgate. Nodding his head towards the bed of the truck, he held his hand out for yours. “C’mon, let's just watch the stars. I remember you used to love that.” You smiled as his hands found your hips once again to help you up before joining you.

There, the two of you sat together on the blanket, holding each other incredibly close like your lives depended on it. It wasn’t long before your eyes started feeling heavy and a yawn escaped your lips. Danny shifted a bit so you could lay more comfortably against his warm chest as he kept one arm around you while the other drew gentle patterns on your legs. The soft beat of his heart lulled your mind into a deep state of relaxation. Just before sleep consumed you, you felt him kiss the top of your head and could have sworn you heard him speak softly. “Still so perfect.”

✶ ✶ ✶

Taglist:

@jannysarcher @gretnavannfleet @bimbokiszka

#greta #greta van fic #gvf #gvf imagine #gretavanfleet #daniel robert wagner #danny wagner #gvf danny #danny gvf #dannywagner #danny wagner x reader #danny wagner x you #danny wagner x y/n #gardensgatekeeper

35 notes · View notes

demosuo · 1 year

Text

The Snow Melted (Giyuu Tomioka x Reader)

pt: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

tw: physical abuse, alcoholic parent.

Kind of slow burn bc idk how to pace in stories, childhood friends to lovers in a way. I’m doing character building in this chapter, you’ll meet the man in the next chapter, promise.

You walked through the village, periodically adjusting the basket of charcoal on your back as you greeted everyone. You were trying to sell as much as you could, hoping that you would be able to save up enough money for you and your family to have an extravagant dinner, where everyone can eat as much as they wanted.

“Oh, (Y/N)!”

“(Y/N), (Y/N)!”

“Tanjiro! I didn’t think you’d show up today! I see you’ve bought some company!” You waved him over, jogging over to meet him up in the middle. You gave the short boy a quick hug, squeezing him tightly before doing the same to his younger siblings. You and Tanjiro would bump into each other often during your runs through the village, it was only a matter of time before the two of you became close. There were occasions when he would invite you over for dinner and vice versa. Although, both would rather just go to his instead. Not only was it closer, but a safer option.

“They snuck onto the cart...” He pouted. “By the time I realised that they were on, it would’ve been too late to turn back.” He sighed. Not in the slightest was he annoyed, more just worried that he had to keep an eye on them while trying to sell. He watched them hop off the cart to run around before turning to face you. “How much have you sold already? Would you like to walk around together?”

“I haven’t sold that much yet but I’d be more than happy to do it together.” You ruffled his hair before dragging him along. He would talk about what had been happening with his family, all the silly little things his siblings would do, and how his mother's new recipe tasted amazing. Never once has there been a dull day with him, he was like a little brother to you.

“Hanako! Shigeru! Please don’t run off too far!”

“You’re such a good brother to them, Tanjiro. I’m glad they have you.” He looked up at you, ready to throw his modesty at you before he saw the soft look in your eyes. “I wish I had an older sibling like you, it’s too bad that I’m an only child.” He suddenly let go of the handles of the cart and grabbed your hand.

“If it makes you feel any better, everyone in my family thinks of you as their older sister! Especially Takeo, but he’s too embarrassed to admit it. Mother really likes you too!” Shock flew onto your face. Man he could be so obliviously bold sometimes.

“Tanjiro-”

“Oi! You two! You guys are being very cute and all but can you help me with something? I also need a restock on some charcoal!” Their heads snapped towards the voice.

The two of them immediately jumped to help the old man waving them over. The day continued on as per usual; the two of you walked around chatting and selling as much charcoal as you can, helping with day-to-day problems the civilians had, and fixing small items.

“See you later, Tanjiro! The two of you better behave, Hanako! Shigeru!” You gave one last tight hug to the boy and his siblings before departing in the direction of your home.

Home was supposed to be a place of safety and comfort, a place full of memories attached to every room and every item. So why was it that you felt so much dread and fear every time you had to leave the village? Or why even the thought of having to walk through the front door had your breathing hitched? Would you even consider it your home or a place you live in?

You rushed through all the snow, legs burning as you kept running. You had to get home before sun fall, you couldn’t let your mother and father be mad at you. You quickly dropped off your basket the second you reached the grounds of your home before running to the door. Noticing how dark it has gotten, your hand froze near the handle. Your heart racing with anxiety, the uncomfortable sensation crawling from your stomach up to your chest, your hands shook and you knew well enough it wasn’t from the cold.

Each inhale got released quicker than the last, you had to enter through this door, what was so hard about opening a door? You took a deep breath in and shut your eyes, sliding the door hard enough for it to slam at the stopper, bracing yourself for what could come.

“(Y/N), come here.”

“Yes, father.” You shut the door as you entered the building. You kept your eyes trained to the ground, not daring to look up at the man. You knelt down before him, closing your eyes shut once more. Your body tensed, your hands gripping on to your robe, ready to shoot up to protect yourself.

“Could you please explain to me why a broken bottle of sake was spotted near the trash?” There was that feeling again. You felt the walls closing in on you, you felt as if your heart was about to burst out of your chest. Oxygen wasn’t reaching your lungs properly, it felt uncomfortable with every breath you took in and let out. A wave of heat splashed on your body, your hands were starting to get clammy.

“F… Father, it was an accident, I promise! I didn’t mean to break the bottle or to hide it from you-”

“You piece of shit!” A loud slap echoed in the room. “You can’t do one single thing right! You should’ve never been born in the first place, I should’ve left you to die!”

You bought up your arms to block your head, hoping that the impact wouldn’t be as harsh. One after another, his hands started to curl into fists. His knuckles buried themselves into your skin every time they make contact. Why couldn’t you fight back anymore? You used to be able to fight back so well, why couldn’t you bring yourself to yell back at him, try and physically fight him back? What changed?

“I’m sorry! Stop, please, I’ll do better! You’re hurting me too much!”

“Honey, that’s enough!” Your mother grabbed onto his arm, only to be flung into the closest wall. He stared down at the woman, the cries that tried to be silent never reaching his ears. “Did you seriously just do that?!” The older woman yelled. He turned his full body at her, arguing back with her.

The screaming and yelling.

The burning, throbbing pain all over your head and arms.

The strangling in your throat as you tried to hold back a sob.

It was too much.

All the tension in your body finally snapped. You turned towards the door and pushed your body to move. Stumbling towards your only exit, you slammed the door open.

“Get back here! I’m not fucking done with you!”

Don’t stop, keep going. Don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop.

You heard a pair of footsteps behind you, fearing that it may be your father, you didn’t dare to look back in case it was. You dodged through the trees, trying to keep your stride short enough to run effectively in the snow. The only thing you didn’t account for, was the narrowing of the path. You were running alongside a cliff, a once easy walk through was now a death trap as the ground beneath the snow started to ice over.

“Wait!”

That voice didn’t belong to your father. It was laced with hope and desperation. The second you looked back, you saw a taller figure with a red and white kitsune mask on. Just as you tried to slow down, your foot slammed into a root hidden beneath the white blanket. Your eyes widen as your body falls forward and over the edge of the cliff. A hand grabbed onto your haori, tugging you into an embrace before the impact of the ground hit. The hold was protective, it was warm.

“Hey, can you hear me? Squeeze my hand if you can.” The man felt your hand curl around his, nothing close to a squeeze but it was a sign to him that you were still alive.

“I’m going to take you back to my place, you deserve better than a house full of those wretched demons.” He stared down at you, feeling your hand go limp. You were now unconscious; all the adrenaline finally knocking you out. The man carefully picked you up, gently placing you over his shoulders as he trudged through the thick snow. “Speaking of…”

He placed a firm grip on your back as he raised his katana at the glowing eyes that stared him down. It was going to take a lot longer to reach home than he would have liked but as long as you were safe, he could let it slide for now.

Your eyes shot open as your body threw itself forward. You were going to have a look at your surroundings before your vision darkened. Everything started to blur, your head feeling light, it was only seconds before you slammed your head back down on the pillow.

“Hey, be careful now.” A hand caught your head, easing it down on the soft pillow. “Your body is still recovering.”

“Who are you?” You croaked out, turning your head to look at the voice. The same red and white kitsune mask you saw from last night, sitting on the side of the man's head.

“My name is Fuyuhito Touwa. We met when you were younger.” He placed a warm cup of tea beside you. “Please, take your time. You are safe here under my protection.”

“Oh… I remember… You and father wanted to train me to be the next snow hashira?” You slowly flipped onto your side and propped yourself up on one arm. “What happened to that?” You grabbed the handle of the cup, bringing it up to your lips to take a sip.

“Your father and I got into a rather big argument about you becoming one. I can understand where he was coming from to an extent, but I did not support his way of training you.” His focus was on you, gauging your reaction with every word that fell out of his mouth. “He would use his hand against you a lot. It is absolutely no way anyone should be treating their own kid. If you want to stop talking about this, please let me know.”

“I will.” You softly spoke back. Memories flashing in your head from what he reminded you of. You placed down the cup, not realising how quickly you skulled the drink. “I will be honest, I did forget about it. It’s one of those memories I’ve suppressed.”

“Understandably so. Would you like a refill?”

“Yes please.” Everything about him felt comfortable. It was the opposite feeling to your father. Instead of dread and fear, it felt safe, peaceful even. “What made you come back? I wasn’t expecting you to be the one chasing me.” You tried to joke around, not liking the depressive atmosphere.

“I must’ve frightened you quite a bit, I apologise for that. I wasn’t expecting to be chasing you.” He chuckled, going along with your attempt to lighten the mood. “I felt… Something off. I regret leaving you behind with that man and his wife, so I came back to try and ask if he would let me resume training you as an excuse to get you away.” Your gaze softens at the man, heart warming with familial love.

“You came back for me.”

“Of course, I did.” He placed his hand on your head, ruffling up your already messy hair. “On a more serious note, would you like to continue your training?”

“Yes,” Without missing a heartbeat, you responded with no hesitation. “I want to be able to fight back and not only protect myself, but the people I care about.”

“There’s that fighting spirit again. Rest up for now, we will begin the day after tomorrow. We shall talk more in the morning.” He blew out the candles that lit up your room. Before leaving your new room, he glanced back one more time, a small but noticeable smile creeping his lips.

“Goodnight, (Y/N).”

please leave a comment or reblog it if you want! I'd love to hear everyone's feedback on this series!

#giyu tomioka #giyu tomioka x reader #giyuu tomioka #giyuu tomioka x reader #the snow melted #kimestu no yaiba #demon slayer #demon slayer giyuu #kny fanfic #kny x reader #kny giyuu

54 notes · View notes

twewyautismshowdown · 1 year

Note

btw, as the anon who talked about nonverbal assistive devices regarding kaie (saying this because i saw someone else sharing my words :') thank you very much), i will say that i believe that nagi also falls under the category of person who cannot be ignored even by non-autistic people. i have not met a single fan who did not find something "off" about nagi. whether they celebrated it or found it a reason to consider her a weirdo or even annoying, and whether or not they recognised it as "autistic", it seems pretty much everyone who plays the game DETECTS NAGI'S NEURODIVERGENCE in a similar fashion to kaie's. nagi is another AMAZING example of neurodivergence in fiction: autistic characters are typically MALE rather than FEMALE, and female autistic characters are almost ALWAYS shown as either "hyper-competent beyond typical means" (the genius hacker stereotype, for instance) or as "bumbling ineffectual losers" (most 'fangirl' type characters). in almost all cases their autistic traits are used to moeify them, make them "larger than life" (again re: geniuses) in ways that most irl autistic people cannot do, and/or render the helpelss and dependent on a (typically male) player through traits such as anxiety or not understanding social cues.

nagi is an amazing example of an autistic version who GETS TO KEEP HER SPECIAL INTEREST and even has her dedication to her special interest being something that HELPS HER BECAUSE SHE HAS A SPECIAL INTEREST, NOT IN SPITE OF IT, with her special interest helping OTHERS as well. instead of not understanding social cues, she is the MOST EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT IN THE GROUP (as autistic people often are, especially girls and women, when they have had to cope their whole lives) yet still is unable to avoid "appearing autistic" to others, as seen in her dialogue and even in her battle lines, where she gets half the cast (rindo, beat, and sho) to comment on her screeching. she often has on the "wrong expression" during cutscenes, appearing troubled at happy times or sneering at sad times. and all of these are treated as aspects of herself rather than something that she needs to fix or improve.

her autistic traits are shown to both harm her (her hyperempathy makes her nearly drown in the "ocean of despair" of feelings during W3, or her difficulty in dealing with unannounced change made her melt down during her introduction, or how the social network talks about other EleStra fans who being her aura overwhelming and intimidating) and also help her (her dedication to EleStra repeatedly allowed her to compartmentalise her feelings in ways that i have done MANY times to deal with later at a time when it would be personally safer to melt down, and even fret is amazed at her ability to help others through saying the right thing -- good and bad to hyperempathy!).

furthermore, nagi is a main character present throughout the game. she isn't a mega genius. she doesn't do anything that a "typical person" cannot do. her autistic traits contribute to her powers (i.e. Dive is EASILY an extension of her hyperempathy) but 'autism is not her superpower', rather her autistic traits are simply part of her, informing her abilities in the way that all the other characters' traits inform their abilities instead of that being the "point" of her character. she just gets to exist and be autistic and that's really cool.

i can't tell you how incredible it is to have a "wacky" character with tons of autistic traits who is also the most emotionally mature in part because of these "wacky" traits.

i love both kaie and nagi to death. but i had to pick nagi for this one.

anon, i love you so much. the person who shared your words on the poll was me on my main, and even though i ended up voting kaie, this is exactly why i've wanted her to win since the start and why she's my #1 seed, even of the top 4. i've been trying to keep my personal opinions off this blog but it's the final round and there's genuinely no losing here. both options are incredible and important and represent and under-represented group of autistic people. genuinely the best final matchup we could have gotten, i think.

#asks #mod post #prautaganda

50 notes · View notes

lifeinpoetry · 2 years

Text

I’m genuinely annoyed with this scheduling conflict with my therapist and it’s set off other points of contention.

I was supposed to have 12-ish sessions with a therapist at a time where it works with my chaotic sleep schedule. We decided on 2pm since it works whether I stay up two days or go to sleep at 5am. Not sure what happened and am sure it was an honest mistake but only 3 sessions were scheduled and then my time slot was somehow given away. Now I am expected to do future visits at a different day & time every week, all but one of them in the morning. It is not a schedule at all.

I have no problem pushing back therapy until that therapist has that time slot available again and am willing to just get a referral if it’s too difficult but I’m not going to do something that does not work for me being clear during therapy and does not work for me as a neurodivergent person who needs some sort of frame of reference to mentally prepare for therapy, have my ‘homework’ done, and actually make sure I make it to the session. It’s online but still.

Then I started thinking to her being like, I’m not sure that’s illegal in re: to my disclosing the medical (?) trauma that caused me to opt of going to psych wards forever. & being like, it’s good you don’t need them anymore. I don’t fight with therapists, instead I shut down, but what the actual fuck. Was that some sort of code for psych patients don’t have rights or the usual HCWs covering for other HCWs (full disclosure: both my parents work/worked as HCWs). Considering the fact that the hospital employing the nurse asked me if I wanted to press charges it was very fucking illegal so my disclosing what happened wasn’t supposed to elicit, I’m sorry it made you feel bad but let me cast doubt on your calm certainty that your rights were violated.

I also didn’t know how to say that not everyone experiences the hospital as trauma. I remember a psych I saw at the hospital telling my parents the psych ward was a place I went to recharge from all the shit going on at home, it was a place that felt safer than home. Which probably does not make sense to most people, even neurodivergent ones. That does not mean that every hospital stay was free of bad experiences with either staff or other people on the ward but it was better than home when I was at rock bottom. What happened in early 2016 changed that and I’ve not been back since but I don’t think it means I am magically improved, it simply means psych wards are not a safe place anymore.

Just another thing. Her mentioning that neurodivergence is a lot more accepted in general. I was like, anxiety and depression, yes, not so much schizophrenia/schizoaffective. She contradicted me so I dropped it.

There have been a few recent books told by people with schizophrenia/schizoaffective but most of the memoirs are by the family or SO of a schizophrenic, complete with ableism and exploitation. It’s mostly a story told by others and I’m a kid of a mentally ill parent so not saying people don’t have a right to their life story but some of the memoirs are clearly mining a severely mentally ill family member for content. Some of these are even award winning so are elevated by neurotypical people.

Mainstream society does not love schizophrenics and clearly wants the unhoused ones to disappear. Most news reports on schizophrenics are about crime, acts of violence, or re: unhoused people ‘ruining’ cities. I’m not sure if I’m missing something but I don’t feel accepted by general society, especially since the entire premise of the search for the schizophrenia gene was eugenics. I am pro-choice, btw, but let’s be clear, its people feeling schizophrenic lives aren’t worth living.

I really needed to type this out and vent that I have a really difficult time pushing back on anything in therapy and I am not willing to have the most chaotic therapy schedule/non schedule because of this.

#personal #psych ward tw

102 notes · View notes

inevitably-johnlocked · 11 months

Note

Hey:)

Thank you so much for answering my ask! Heh the detail you went into seriously made me smile and everything.

I honestly believe this fandom created a world for Sherlock more real than MF's piss poor attempt in S4 lol

but at a certain point i think all they cared about is BIGGER IS BETTER... MORE and SHOCK as much as you can without realizing that the REAL fans actually hyperfixate on the little details... that we would literally cry if we ever saw Sherlock and John dancing together or buying milk.

God i would honestly seriously enjoy a 1.5 hour episode of them staring at each other across the room... literally it would make me squeal

BUT the thing is if ever in the tiny off-chance possibility that they DO make a S5 i think they'll do it with Molly and that makes me very angry... you know considering how they spent so long trying to deny homosexuality (UGHH) and the fact that they set up possibility for a Sherlolly throughout but i think him with Molly is just... bad.... not good... VERY BAD

and this whole thing makes me wanna live in a different universe GOSH

... alsoo DO you think there's gonna be a S5? like after all this time

Honestly i wouldnt even mind if its a spin off series about Rosie but parentlock better happen

(Heh also i do believe ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE HIMSELF wanted them to be a thing so like 200 years later WHY WHY ARENT they explicitly a THING?!)

Okay i promise ill stop spamming you... but i think somehow this show has a lot to do with who i am gosh... might have something to do with friends you deeply love and they scream NOT GAY at you.. hmm

Also i dont know if youve read her work but (Apliddell) (https://archiveofourown.org/users/apliddell/pseuds/apliddell) Has to be one of my personal fav writers heh heres me Fic reccing a fic rec grandmaster but if your really havent read it you should totally! Especially this series (https://archiveofourown.org/series/739065)

Okay Have a nice day!

LOTS OF LOVE TO YOU, TAKE CARE YOU AMAZING PERSON

(PS: I'd sent this stuff as a message but i dont think it went through? i dunno... im just spilling some of my angst gosh im sorry for spamming sm..)

Hey Lovely!!

OMG sorry for missing both this AND my message... Tumblr has been marking my messages as "Read" on its own and often I don't find out until I'm brave enough to click on the huge number on my bubble...this is an easier way to get a hold of me because for SOME REASON the anxiety I get when I see the number on my messages is a huge one skyrockets. Dunno why lol.

ANYWAY, Yeah, I love this fandom so much, and I adore all the content that comes out of it!!

And thank you for sharing your fave author! Everyone go give them some love on their fics!! <3

Thank you so much for this lovely read and your well-wishes <3

#steph replies #chatting with lovelies #happy posts #fandom love #author appreciation

11 notes · View notes

kazoosandfannypacks · 1 year

Text

"Wishing it Wasn't" by kazoosandfannypacks

Chapter 12/18: Try Something New, Darling Pairing: CaptainSwan Rating: Teen (for gun violence in later chapters) Word Count: (1K/19.5K) Summary: Season 2 Canon Divergence: When Neal tells Emma he has a fiancée, she claims to have a new boyfriend of her own, and blurts out the first fairytale name she can think of: Captain Hook. Killian agrees to this ruse, but when feelings grow between the two, will the con be more than they can handle? Chapter Summary: Killian warns Emma about Tamara's evil plan. Tags: season 2, canon divergence, gun violence in later chapters, angst with a happy ending, fake dating, mild character death, mildly anti neal Author's notes: none Taglist: @zahara @kmomof4 @jonesfandomfanatic @booksteaandtoomuchtv @jrob64 @tiganasummertree @anmylica @teamhook @undercaffinatednightmare @gingerchangeling @lonelyspectator @caught-in-the-filter @ultraluckycatnd @cs-rylie @pirateprincessofpizza @pawshapedheart [if you'd like to be added to or removed from this list, hmu in my dms or askbox!]

Also on Ao3!

Emma sat in the Sheriff's station alone while her dad was out getting lunch. She'd been staring at the notes app for half an hour, trying to draft a perfect way out.

"Killian and I broke up this morning."

That sounded like a pathetic cover story, especially after how lovey-dovey they'd been the past two days.

"Killian's going out of town for the week."

Yeah. Like she could convince him to leave that easily, with unfinished business here in town.

"I'm going out of town for a week."

Even more ridiculous. She had responsibilities here and no excuses outside of town for her sudden departure.

"We've been lying to you this whole time. Killian and I aren't really together."

A confession like that over text message? How much lower could she stoop?

"We need to talk."

Bad move. It'd only make Neal feel so much more anxious- not to mention her anxiety at having this conversation in person- and what if he just didn't show?

She sighed and set down her phone, then crossed her arms on the table and threw her head on them. This scheme was spiraling out of control faster than she could stop it- and it needed to end now. Every step she took to ensure that she and Killian looked like a perfect couple only made her wish they were. She enjoyed taking refuge under his arm a little more each time. Her smiles at him were becoming more and more genuine. She thought of him with every song that came up on the car radio.

That's why she had to abandon this ruse. She couldn't stand falling for someone again- especially someone who she was sure didn't have feelings for her in return- that would be a big mistake.

And even if she was sure he liked her back, even if he told her so plainly, even if he confessed love for her in dramatic speeches- not that he ever would, of course, and Emma scolded herself for even considering it- she'd heard all those words before, and they meant nothing anymore. She didn't know if she ever could trust him, and was almost thankful she wouldn't have to, that her feelings really were unrequited.

Emma expected the interrupting footsteps entering the station behind her to be her dad's- and she never would've expected them to be Killian's- so when she saw him, she was hit with a sudden shot of panic, and wondered how to breach the conversation of their inevitable fake breakup.

"No one else is around." Emma reminded herself, turning away from him after she saw he entered. "He'll be cold and distant again. I'll need to match that."

"Hey, Hook." She said, pretending to be very interested in the stack of papers on her desk. "Something I can do for you?"

"Swan, there's something I need to tell you." Killian said, almost sounding sincere. "But I'm not sure if you'll believe me."

"I just found out two months ago that my parents are Snow White and Prince Charming." Emma deadpanned. "I've gotten a lot better at believing things recently."

"Good." He said. "It's about Tamara."

That was one of the last people she wanted to talk about right now. Tamara was one of those people. She could do no wrong. She had this air of pleasantries and perfection that Emma found unsettling. She drove Emma's superpower haywire.

"What about her?"

"She knows about the fairytales, about the magic at the heart of Storybrooke, and she's out to destroy it."

As much as Emma would love to believe that her ex's new fianceé was an evil mastermind, she didn't buy it.

"How do you know?"

"She thought she could trust the legendary Captain Hook to help her." Killian said. "She thought I'd leave this whole town to die just to defeat the Crocodile."

"Wouldn't you?" Emma asked.

She noticed that he didn't respond. She turned around to see him looking at her, staring at her, face tinted with hues of betrayal, shaded with despair.

"Is that how you see…" he clenched his fist ever so slightly and shook his head, eyes closed, whispering almost to himself, "That's not important now." He then addressed Emma, "The point is, you, your family, and this entire town are in grave danger. Tamara's working with that outsider, Greg, and they're planning…."

Emma's instincts had been telling her to trust him, and so did her superpower, but she was sure they were wrong, that her gut feeling was colored by her emotions- until he mentioned Tamara and Greg were in league.

"She!" Emma interrupted him, then began digging through papers in her desk.

"She?" Killian asked.

Emma looked for her case file on the Greg Mendell crash. "Greg kept getting these phone calls while he was unconscious- calls from someone saved in his contacts as 'She.'"

Emma found where she'd written down "she's" number, then pulled out her phone and pulled up Tamara's contact profile.

"That's why that looked familiar." Emma said. "They have the same phone number."

"What does that mean?"

Emma grabbed her keys and gun off the desk.

"It means whether or not you're right, Tamara's definitely not who she says she is." Emma said. "Can you take me to her?"

"Of course." Killian said.

She started to leave, but she was stopped by a hook around her arm. She looked down at it, then back up at Hook, readying to defend herself if this was the inevitable betrayal.

"Why are you so quick to trust me?" He asked. "Aren't you afraid this could be a trap?"

"I used to think everything was a trap." Emma said, "I still do. But last time I didn't trust you I was wrong, back on the beanstalk." She looked up at him and noticed some kind of genuine understanding in his eyes, then added. "I'm gonna have to trust you this time."

He removed his hook's grip around her arm. "Thank you, Swan."

"Don't thank me yet." Emma said. She turned away from him to build up a wall against his penetrating gaze, then tacked on an emotional barrier as well. "I could still be wrong about you."

#once upon a time fanficton #cs fanfic #captain swan #killian jones #emma swan #once upon a time #ouat #season 2 #canon divergence #kazzy writes

13 notes · View notes

englass · 2 years

Note

Hey! If you’re still taking requests, could I ask for soft-dark prompt #12 “Simply killing them will never be enough. Not after the way they hurt you…” I was thinking it would be a good fit for a Hurt/Comfort fic with John Seed x Reader (established relationship?) Thank you! :)

Ahhhh, I'm so sorry for taking so long to get to this, Anon!! And yes! If anyone ever wants to request anything from that list, then I can still do them. Just bear with my slow self, please 😅

Also, ngl this prompt got really personal… so apologies for that. Regardless of my heavy projecting, I hope it’s okay all the same, Anon 😬

12. “Simply killing them will never be enough. Not after the way they hurt you…”

- - -

Sometimes you wished John wasn’t such an attentive partner.

You thought you had been doing so well at hiding it. So good at keeping the shattering pieces of yourself hidden under the rug and away from the keen eyes of your partner. Making sure that the moment more cracks formed and more pieces splintered off that you were either hidden away or John was out of the house.

You felt bad enough when he took time away from his responsibilities with the Project (dubious as they were) to tend to you, no matter the occasion or issue. You didn’t want him getting into any trouble with his brother just because you were struggling.

Just because you couldn’t– can’t handle the sting, the absolute agony of that proverbial knife buried to the hilt within your abdomen. Twisted and jammed and unwilling to be pulled out, leaving you hunched and crippled and barely able to stand.

You didn’t want to think about it. Didn’t want to keep replaying the whole thing over and over again. Didn’t want to keep torturing yourself over every word and intonation and how it could have gone differently.

You didn’t want to keep thinking about how their betrayal was somehow your fault.

You didn’t want to think about how little they truly cared about you. How little over two decades of friendship meant to them, how quick and merciless they were to throw it all away; especially when it meant everything to you.

How could they? After everything that had happened in those many years of friendship– all those low points shared, all those misadventures laughed about, all that trauma shouldered, all that love and care and time invested in one another, in your families and your lives…

How could they?

…

What did you do wrong?

Why did it always feel like you gave your all only to get nothing in return? And you know it shouldn’t be about what you can get in return – friendships aren’t about being tit-for-tat; you thought they were about respect. About mutual platonic love and care.

You were supposed to be chosen family.

For them to treat you the way they have, to use you the way they have…

Without remorse, without an apology, without an explanation…

Well… you guess it shows how much they think of you.

It was just unfortunate that John had come home early while your thoughts were spiralling, curled up in a blanket on the couch, head buried in the back of it as you quietly sobbed and once more found yourself suffocated by the paralysing feeling of loneliness. The abandonment caused by someone you considered family wrecking you.

Along with the invasive thought that, without your John, you really would have no one.

And it was that horrifying realisation that caused your shame at someone seeing you cry, no matter how raw and open you could be with that person, to lay low. To silent itself as you sobbed over the worries and anxieties that tore you down at the loss of a friendship that once meant so much to you. Regardless of how much it apparently meant to them.

John wasted no time in coming to your side the moment he saw you and the state you were in, taking a seat beside you on the couch before gently bundling you into his lap. Wide oceanic eyes frantically scouring over your huddled form as if searching for even the slightest scratch to your person.

But even with his soft words, tinged with accents of panic and poorly veiled rage at whatever had you so distressed, you couldn’t get the words out. Could barely control your breathing as the weight of everything appeared to just suddenly collapse on top of you in your moment of absolute weakness.

It’s only now, after the warm light of the afternoon has faded into the cool gloom of the evening, that you’ve managed to exhaust yourself enough to talk to him. Cuddled into John’s chest, face tucked into his neck and body securely sandwiched between him and the back of the couch, you tell him everything. Try not to miss a word or forget the smallest detail as you divulge the whole tale to him and how deeply it’s wounded you.

In some ways you're now glad that John never got the chance to meet your supposed best friend, dates and times never quite meeting up.

… Although at this point you are nearly convinced they just didn’t care enough to meet him in the first place.

In the lull between your shaky retelling and John’s soothing words of love and affirmation, the gentle caress of his fingers and lips against your skin, you begin to catch his fleeting murmurs of retribution. Of dark declarations and the sure promise of God’s righteous judgement. A judgement already signed and sealed by his most devout baptist.

“They don’t deserve you. They never have, or ever will. You’re far too good for them, sweetheart. You’re too good for me; but at least I know that. At least I know just how beautiful and remarkable of a person you really are, and I thank God everyday that you chose me. That you love me… it’s more than I ever thought I deserved.

“… You saved me. You are my salvation. And I will spend the rest of my life knelt at your altar. There is nowhere else I would rather be…

“That sinner will never know how blessed they were to have you in their life. I would kill to have so many years spent with you. To have you dedicate so much of yourself to me, as unworthy as I am of the privilege, would be… it would be all I’ve ever wanted. Oh, if I could have those years…

“Justice… atonement… it’s my job to weigh the souls of all who come to us at the Project. To measure their sins… to cleanse them until they are worthy of the paradise we have been promised.

“… but They will never be worthy. No matter what they confess to, no matter how many times they will confess to it, no matter how many times I have to pull it from Them, it will never be enough… There is no saving someone that doesn’t want to be saved, despite what Joseph thinks…

“Even simply killing them will never be enough. They don’t deserve such mercy. Not after what they have done to you. Not after the way they hurt you…”

He whispers it all in flittering tones against you, almost conspiratorial in how hushed his voice is as his fingers dance absent lines across your skin, opposite hand buried in your hair to hold you tight and hidden against him.

You don’t think he knows that you’re listening to him. Seemingly continuing to mutter to himself and running along with wherever his train of thought leads him, going quiet as he gets too lost and distracted by them.

Truly, you also can’t help but get lost in thought while listening to him: guiltily imagining the eerie glow of that red room in his bunker, how it paints violent lines across the dirty walls and John’s tools.

How it would cut similar lines across your old friend’s face.

The potential fear and horror that would mar their features, the helplessness that would fester in their breast when they realised just where they were and who had taken them, just whose hands their fate now belonged in. Trapped and pinned like a poor moth at the scale-covered hands of a cruel lepidopterist.

God, you can only imagine John's expression…

Whimpering you physically turn away from the vindictive scenarios your mind is desperately racing to conjure up, hiding yourself further in John’s chest and trying to think of other things. Like if what they did is something that you can reasonably forgive; if this over two-decades-old friendship is worth fighting for; if your self-worth is low enough that you can pick up the pieces and act like the hurt and disrespect and mental deterioration you have suffered at their hands is something you can overlook.

…

Your self-esteem may be low, but even you know that you deserve better than that. Far better than how they have treated you.

… But can you really throw all those years away?

Each thought ping-pongs off the other, a constant back and forth that starts to wear at you the longer you hear them ricocheting. But with John’s soothing voice in your ear, his comforting warmth surrounding you and the hypnotising patterns and lines he draws across your skin, you quickly find the noisy sound of your thoughts fading. Gradually slipping into an exhausted daze that leaves them muffled.

But still, some thoughts resound louder than others.

And they are outraged and indignant, aggressive and downright vitriolic. Encouraged by John’s whispers, they conjure those vile scenarios in abundance and demand retribution of their own, grab at the metaphorical throats of all your other submissive thoughts and shames them into heeling.

They spit and beg in equal measure for you to allow the one person who would be willing to do anything for your happiness to do this for you. To allow these nasty imaginings to become a reality. To allow John to enact whatever punishment he deems fit in defence of you and your honour; in his wholehearted bid to protect you.

You are weak and unintimidating. Delicate as a petal in your soft and subdued nature; fragile at the whims of your gentle and empathetic heart.

Ultimately, you are powerless.

But John isn’t.

You have seen firsthand the type of power he wields, and although you have never approved of his work and the means in which he conducts it you do acknowledge it. You acknowledge that it also grants you a level of power you are not familiar nor comfortable with, by proxy.

A power and influence that your wounded thoughts are desperate for you to take advantage of.

He loves you.

He wants to protect you.

He would do anything for you.

Let him.

…

It is shameful how long you entertain the thought.

35 notes · View notes

determinedwriter · 6 months

Text

Whumptober 2023: Day 26: Working To Exhaustion/“You look awful.”

High school freaking sucks. I kind of knew it would, but I’ll admit I’m smart enough to push through. Or at least I thought I was.

Going to a STEM school makes everyone look smart. And they know it. Nobody knows I’m Tony Stark’s kid, so I’m just like everyone else. An average teenager.

I thought that’s what I wanted, but I think it’s almost making things worse. As far as anyone knows, I’m just some orphan. I suppose the same goes for Peter though. And he really is one.

I shouldn’t complain. But sometimes I wish I could unleash my powers on my school bullies and burn all of my terrible test scores.

I’ve been studying like crazy lately. Ever since I came home with a subpar grade on my latest project at school.

Dad acted like he didn’t care, but I saw the frown. I saw the look in his eyes. And when he’s disappointed in me, it feels like a stab to the heart.

Even if he doesn’t mean for it to hurt, it does. I think it hurts more when he lies and tells me it’s okay. I know he wants me to succeed. He wants me to be smarter than this.

Who wouldn’t want that? Especially considering he’s one of the smartest people on the planet. But my endless studying has begun to take a toll on me.

Friday chimes to life from the ceiling to speak to me. “Miss Aurora, your father is asking you to come to dinner.”

I look down at my textbook and notes. “Tell him I’m not hungry but…thanks.”

“Of course, Miss.” She replies.

I study until there’s a knock on my door. “Ro?”

“Hmm?” I ask.

Dad opens it. “Missed you at dinner. What’re you up to?”

“Studying.” I reply honestly. “Sorry I didn’t come to eat. I just wasn’t hungry really.”

He nods. “It’s alright. Make sure you get some sleep though. It’s a school night.”

“Yup.” I say. “Goodnight.”

Dad nods again. “‘Night, kiddo.”

I sigh in relief when he leaves. I’m exhausted and I don’t want him to see how much this school crap is killing me.

He deserves a kid that’s not going to flip out about the little stuff like I am.

But that’s not gonna happen, so I’m going to do my best to be who he deserves.

Working harder and harder as the days pass, practically killing myself in the process. I’m working myself to exhaustion.

The day of the big test I’ve been studying for, I can hardly make my way to my classroom. Peter notices this in an instant.

He supports my weight as I stumble in the doorway of the class, Flash making one of his very unnecessary comments. “Careful everyone, Ro’s a zombie. Don’t get bitten. Too bad she’s gonna fail this test with her lack of brains.”

“Shut up, Flash.” Peter says, helping me sit. “Ro, are you gonna be alright?”

Flash smirks. “What? I’m just saying. Zombies don’t have brains, right? Or at least they don’t use them.”

I roll my eyes. “I don’t have energy for your crap.”

“Hence the zombie thing you have going on?” He asks. “I mean, you look awful.”

Peter glares at him. “Seriously dude, just drop it.”

I sigh. “It’s whatever.”

He rubs my back. “Do you need anything?”

I shrug. “No…”

He takes a water bottle out of his backpack. “Drink up. Just a little.”

“I don’t feel good.” I mumble back. “Thanks, though.”

Peter puts the bottle away, watching me nervously as our tests are handed out. Here we go. Time to either crush this or disappoint my dad once more.

“Your time starts now.” I hear the teacher tell us.

My hand shakes as I write with my pencil, the lead breaking as I press down a little too hard. God, I’m going to give myself a heart attack.

Peter notices this, silently handing me another pencil.

“Thanks.” I whisper.

He nods and gives me a thumbs up, going back to his own test after that. He’s smart as hell, but he’s probably stressed about it too.

Maybe I should’ve studied with him. I’ve been keeping to myself and doing that alone lately. It’s too late to worry about that now. Just get this done.

About halfway through the test, I can hardly ignore my dizziness and anxiety. People have begun to turn theirs in and I’m way too far behind.

God, what’s the use in studying if it just ends with me failing all over again? I’m really starting to panic now. It’s a good thing nobody knows I’m a Stark.

I shouldn’t have any association with the great Tony Stark. It’s a wonder we’re even related in the first place.

I hadn’t realized it, but my panic has become obvious now. Peter is touching my shoulder and my teacher is calling my name.

My eyes land on Flash, who laughs. I don’t know why this sends me off the deep end the way it does, but here we are. I’ve begun to hyperventilate.

“Aurora? Aurora, what’s the matter?” My teacher asks.

“I think she’s having a panic attack.” Peter explains. “Ro, just take it one step at a time. Breathe with me. Can you-“

I wobble in my chair, fainting before I hit the floor. I’ve literally worked myself to the point of unconsciousness. I didn’t think it was this bad.

My eyes open to see Peter’s face above me, carrying me quickly down the hallway. “P-Pete?”

“Ro, thank God!” He exclaims. “You scared me half to death.”

Still woozy, I don’t immediately understand why I’m his arms. “I’m…tired…”

“Try to keep your eyes open. Please.” Peter begs. “I don’t know what’s wrong. I’m taking you to the nurse.”

I weakly nod, but pass out again shortly after that and wake up on a cot in the nurse’s office. This time, Peter is sitting beside me.

“H-How long was I out?” I ask.

“Only a little bit. I ran here with you.” He explains. “I think everyone was more surprised I could carry you than the fact you fainted.”

“Fainted…” I echo. “Why did I…”

“You’re exhausted and dehydrated.” The nurse speaks up. I hadn’t noticed she was in the room at all.

“Oh…” I reply. “I-I don’t feel well.”

“No wonder you don’t feel well, honey. Please, just rest for now. I’ve called your emergency contact.” She tells me.

“Who is that again?” I ask, knowing it’s not Dad. I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t put his name on it for my own protection and privacy.

“Harold Hogan and Pepper Potts are the two we have listed. Mr. Hogan is on his way.” The nurse replies.

I hate to whine, but I’d really like my dad right about now. “Thank you.”

“Of course, sweetheart.” She says.

Peter holds out the same water bottle from before. “I’m making you drink some this time.”

I chuckle weakly. “Okay.”

Taking a few sips, I lay back down until Happy arrives, looking concerned. “Hey, kid. How do you feel?”

“Like garbage.” I tell him. “I really want to go home but I need to finish that test. I’ve already disappointed my dad enough. He needs me to-“

“I need you to take it easy.” Dad finishes for me, revealing himself in the doorway and entering. “I won’t have it any other way, you got it?”

“Dad?” I gasp. “W-Why are you here? You never come here.”

“Happy told me what the nurse said. You fainted. I’m not about to leave you alone. Even if you do have him and the spider kid here.” He replies. “You look exhausted. What happened, Ro?”

I gulp, replaying the past week or so in my head. I’ve hardly eaten, drank, or slept. “I just…wanted you to be proud of me.”

Dad’s face softens in concern. “Oh, baby…it’s okay. I’m so proud of you. Nothing will ever change that. I know you’ve been studying a lot lately but I didn’t realize you were practically killing yourself over it. This could have gone much, much worse.”

Hearing the scolding, I avoid his gaze by closing my eyes. “I’m sorry, Dad. I didn’t want to fail. I wanted to…I just wanted to be like you. I want to be smart and not even have to try and…and I can’t even do that without fainting in the middle of class.”

He sighs. “Well first of all, I don’t want you to do this ever again. I won’t have it. And second of all, you’re almost too much like me. You’re smart and you're stubborn. That’s what got you here. You put too much pressure on yourself. When was the last time you saw me get to bed at a reasonable hour?”

I shrug. “That’s different.”

“It isn’t.” Dad insists. “Having trouble with school doesn’t make you any less of a damn prodigy, kiddo. I don’t call you mini for nothing. Mini Stark. Thank God you’re not my clone though. You have empathy.”

“So do you.” I say.

“Not like yours. And yours is just natural. Effortless. I wish you had more confidence in yourself, but I’m glad you don’t have my arrogance. Even I can admit I have a big head.” He continues. “Though…I am a genius.”

Noticing I don’t laugh at this, he frowns. “I’m sorry, sweet kid. My point is…the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. You’re smart. And your struggles don’t mean you’re not. I need you to trust me on this.”

I slowly nod, hugging him. “I didn’t mean to not take care of myself. I just got so wrapped up in trying to make you proud…I wasn’t thinking. And I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t realize. You can come to me with these things alright?” He replies.

“Alright.” I say.

He wraps an arm around me and helps me stand. “I’ll have Happy take us home and you can rest, okay?”

“What about my test?” I ask.

Dad scoffs. “You’ll ace it. I’ll make sure you get time to do a make up test. Don’t worry.”

I lean on his shoulder. “Thanks, Dad.”

“You’ve got it, micro.” He replies.

Peter speaks up for the first time in a good few minutes. “You’re a cool dad, Mr. Stark.”

“You know it, kid.” Dad teases. “Thanks for getting her here, by the way.”

He nods. “Of course, sir.”

Dad brings me to the car where Happy drives us home, making sure I get some desperately needed sleep and lots of water too.

Slowly but surely, I’m able to feel less anxious about test days. And Dad’s help is invaluable. He says I had it in me all along, but I credit him in helping me with my grades either way.

There’s nothing quite like a father-daughter duo.

Especially when they’re a couple of Starks.

We’re thick as thieves. And that won’t change as long as he’s by my side.

2 notes · View notes