#psych ward tw

[neuroticboyfriend]

not that people who've been to the ward are immune from being pro-psych, but if you've never been to a psych ward*, i sincerely don't want to hear about how psychiatry/psychology is good because you've had such a good experience with X provider, or X medication saved your life. *i also don't want to hear about how the forced treatment was what you needed or how the ward you went to let you have your cellphone etc. etc. i genuinely do not want to hear it.

like. the first hospitalization traumatized me so bad, i became dangerously delusional, was re-hospitalized, and sent to state. when they transferred me, i was strapped down into a gurney at all points on my body, *head and neck included*, and loaded onto an ambulance. my parents lost most of their parental rights; i was a ward of the state and had near zero rights. when i got there, they made me choose if, "if necessary," if i wanted to be wrangled down and forcibly injected with a sedative... or wrangled down and locked in a padded room all by myself (but at least i had a choice, right?). i signed consents and paperwork that i did not fucking understand. then i was told i'd be locked inside for 2 straight weeks (which yes, they followed through with). the psych ward was remote, nothing but barbed fences and trees around us. cant even see the sun through the heavily tinted windows. that was the *start* of the stay. i'm sure you can imagine nothing good came after.

so like. if you walk out of a place like that thinking it was good for you, then i can only imagine how traumatized you are and i hope you heal someday. but if you've never faced the destruction of your autonomy like that and go around being like "oh this is good actually" then shut the ever living fuck up.

#julian rants #this is okay to rb but im mainly venting #psych ward #psych survivor #psych ward tw #abuse tw #sanism #ableism #antipsychiatry #antipsychology #antipsych #psychiatric abuse #psychiatric trauma #trauma #psych abolition #psych hospital #psychiatric hospital #inpatient

[trans-axolotl]

what the mayor of new york is doing with psych hospitalization is not a new application of the way psych wards are used--psych survivors know this and we've been talking about it for decades the way that involuntary hospitalization is used as a form of social control, and the power and danger that a mental illness diagnosis holds. what is frightening about the way the mayor is talking about this is the way he is giving this quiet rhetoric legitimacy and a voice. psych professionals have been using involuntary hospitalization as a form of incarceration for a long fucking time, and as psych survivors know, you can get hospitalized involuntarily for Many things beyond just "being a danger to yourself or others." what's making me nervous right now is that this likely will lead to more interactions between police and homeless people where police feel emboldened to enforce even more options of incarceration. I think it is important to understand that New York is not the only place doing this and in fact this is the way involuntary hospitalization generally operates. New york is not an aberration: the whole system is intended to work like this and is completely fucked, which is why we need to be fighting for psych abolition and building in mad liberation to our understanding of prison abolition.

#personal #antipsych #prison abolition #antipsychiatry #mad pride #psych ward #psych ward tw #new york

[pansyfemme]

i understand that being inactive can worsen mental health but the way a lot of mental health ‘recovery’ discourages rest makes me so fucking angry. like. age 12 i used to get dismissed from the er because they couldn’t find me a bed to admit me and then like. go back to school. not like the next day, i mean i used to be driven straight from the hospital back to classes and be in history class an hour after nearly being admitted because the doctors told my parents that the last thing i should be doing is missing school. In highschool, at the theraputic program i was at, missing any school at all, even for sick days and medical reasons could make you lose all the points you earned towards like. stupid glitter stickers and all that shit that made us forget why we were there. And as a fucking adult in college now i never miss anything ever, the thought of missing class sends me into a panic attack. When i’m sick and can’t go, i call my parents sobbing because i feel terrible about it and i can’t help but feel that maybe theres a corralation there. That the discouragment of time off may not be a genuine effort to improve my mental health and maybe just another sneaky ploy to stamp out my mental illness to make me a better worker, yknow.

#god its all a fucking joke #i hate mental illness but i hate mental health recovery systems just as much #im not saying it didnt make my life a little better and i still see a therapist and will probably forever #but like. it did fuck me up and im frustrated about it #mental illness tw #psych ward tw #ask to tag? #vent

[compassionatereminders]

I might be biased because I am currently suicidal because of a depressive delusion and because I've harmed other people and myself because of delusions and because I've been in the fucking hospital because of delusions but the way everyone is turning the idea of being delusional into the memejoke of the month is disgusting and I'm not laughing

#kat gets serious #suicidal ideation tw #psychosis tw #psych ward tw

[trans-axolotl3]

i don't know if i would have made it through solitary confinement without the kindness other patients showed me when i came out. someone broke the rules to hug me and someone else walked around the ward with me for hours to make sure i was feeling okay and someone else gave me a coloring sheet they had made and said they believed in me. and honestly that means more than i can say + i am feeling a lot of love for the kindness so many mad people have shown me over the years and the way we learned to hold ourselves together.

#personal #mad liberation #psych ward tw #psych abolition #antipsych #vent #just. having a lot of feelings tonight.

[kiki-strike]

hi would you mind tellin me what ed ward was like? i might have to go there at some point and im scared also sorry if im phrasing it wrong and also also if you're more comfy dming or not answering at all thats fine

Hi yes I can!! And you can dm me if you want or send another ask if you have more questions :)

So there’s two kinds of 24-hour ED care, inpatient and residential. Inpatient is usually inside of a hospital, sometimes integrated with the psych ward (hence “ed ward”). This is where people that aren’t medically stable go (think serious heart conditions, people who flat-out refuse to eat, people who need to be in a locked ward to be safe). I haven’t been to inpatient ed, so I can’t say much on that subject. I do know that you typically stay in inpatient much shorter than residential.

I was in residential for four months. Usually ED treatment takes longer than treatment for depression and such and it’s not uncommon for people to go into residential more than once, but it’s pretty rare for residential to last more than six months. It’s expected that you’ll do a step-down plan which means after you leave res you’ll do a PHP and an IOP (PHP is when you live at home but go to programming during the day, usually 40-60hrs a week with all meals there, and IOP is usually half a day 2-3 times a week).

My res was three houses in a neighborhood (not in a row) and we would all go to the biggest house during the day. There was usually 2-3 group therapy sessions and 2-3 classes (DBT skills, nutrition, etc) per day, every day (inc weekends). We spent the rest of our time doing leisure stuff and eating.

Meals took up a HUGE portion of the day because we got half an hour for each meal, and then there was another half hour for supplements, plus 15 minutes for snacks and 15 minutes for snack supplements, so that amounts to… 4.5 hours every day. The way meals worked was each person got their own plate, to their own needs (some people got tiny amounts bc refeeding, some people got huge amounts bc restoration, etc). You got to choose 3 blacklisted foods that they would never give you, other than that if you didn’t like the food you had to suck it up. I chose spicy food, eggplant, and I think peanut butter? Because being vegetarian didn’t count (though I told them I was vegan instead because I was scared of milk😔). If you didn’t finish your food you got supplemented - 1/2 a sup for eating 3/4 but not finishing, one sup for 1/2-3/4, and two supps for eating less than half. Our supps were Kate Farms unless you had other dietary restrictions; I got switched to ensure clear halfway through because I went on a Kate Farms boycott to get it haha, WORTH IT ensure clear I love you. You had to sit at supps table for the whole half hour or until you finished it (it was a socially-acceptable choice to just sit there for half an hour). If you didn’t drink your sup you lost privileges for the next day, but unless you’d been there for a few months you didn’t actually *have* any, so… privileges were going on our daily 10 minute walk, the weekly strip mall field trip, and if you were VERY LUCKY going to the bathroom with the door closed. During meals there were a lot of blacklisted topics because yknow. Bad Time Let’s Be Nice. If you weren’t eating staff would gently encourage you but wouldn’t be mean about it, and the other patients would too. It’s pretty hard to fake eating there, but not impossible, and definitely impossible to do it without other patients seeing (because we all watched each other eat So Closely and we know all our tricks…) and other patients ratting you out is a definite possibility. You weren’t allowed to leave the table during meals but sometimes it happens. If you didn’t eat for two days they sent you to inpatient (they couldn’t actually force you to eat in res, but in IP they can tube you).

In our free time we all got really close. Everybody had a roommate and we slept in real bedrooms with our own bathrooms (which we could only use at night, they were locked during the day). A lot of us crocheted, there was lots of reading and coloring. We were allowed an hour of screen time, including TV, a day but that was taken away if you were Really Bad (think screaming fit not like “didn’t eat fear food”). If you were still in high school you were expected to do that (online) during free time (which was also a ticket to unlimited computer time during free time lolol, same with AA). The people you go to res to become like a weird version of your family, you’re together for months with ONLY each other doing something very emotionally taxing, so like within the first few days boom you now have 15 new best friends. It’s also very insular in that there are trends? Within your res? I started a rock painting trend, and also pestered staff enough that they finally let us garden (this was just me gardening and everyone else reading in the yard). Everybody listened to top 50 pop even if they hated it, because at res you like it (I’m very attached to billboard pop 2021 still), we all watched every Keanu Reeves movie because it’s funny to say that you have (none of us even liked him that much).

At res everything is funny because everything’s so bad? It’s this sort of delirious sheen that takes over everything, like looking at the world through a soap bubble. That said I was also on the maximum dose of seroquil. Everyone’s super supportive, not like the movies. If they didn’t actually want to recover they didn’t say anything about it.

Staff there consisted of three types: the babysitters (I don’t know their real titles), mostly college girls who babysat us and ran the houses, the therapists/psychiatrists who ran groups and did individual therapy, and the nurses. There was a nurse on staff until 11 every night, because we all had hot girl stomach issues and sometimes hot girl heart problems. They took blood once a week and there was a doctor that saw you once a month or if you complained about something long enough. The babysitters were all really nice though some were less pushover-y than others (let you stay on computer longer etc). They said they did room sweeps once a week but I had contraband they never found. They also said we weren’t allowed to touch each other for more than five seconds at a time (I am the reason that rule exists haha) but like… you have a roommate for a reason!! (I’m not even talking about sex I just mean snuggling ;-;)

In terms of visitors you mostly only got your parents or if you were married your spouse, maaaybe somebody’s friends came once? But not common. You’re not allowed alone time with your visitors (like prison!) and anything they give you has to be searched by staff (same as stuff you order online or buy on the strip mall field trips). A lot of rules are very very strict because people with eating disorders are masters at worming their way out of things which sucks but makes sense.

There were some unsavory things that happened to me there that I’d like not to talk about here, just know that when you go, it’s very possible for staff to lie to your parents/caretakers to the point that they don’t believe you. It is very hard to leave once you check yourself in, and if you do leave before they let you, that’s called AMA and your insurance won’t pay for the part of your stay you did already (which for me was $2k a day. For four months). Once you go there you’ve basically handed over your rights indefinitely to the program in exchange for learning how to eat good and not die. Which is better than dying but not amazing either, but that’s the way it is.

Some other unintended side effects:

1. If you were scared of blood draws before you went in you won’t be when you come out.

2. You’ll be able to pee anywhere no more pee shyness. Along those lines we had to describe our shit every morning to the nurse in earshot of everybody? So you won’t be embarrassed about that any more.

3. You might forget to close the bathroom door the first few months you’re home.

4. You’ll become very attached to some foods in res and then when you get out can never eat those foods again. For me that’s biscoff cookie butter.

5. You’ll be WAY less on your phone. You’ll know how to sit and wait instead of going on your phone immediately for entertainment.

All in all I’d say you get more freedom than the locked ward and less freedom than rehab, but stay longer than both of them combined. Fellow patients are awesome, staff is a mostly positive mixed bag, and activities are dismal (eating).

I wish you so much luck in recovery. You can do this! Every meal is a new beginning. I believe in you!

A funny for you for making it this far:

#ALSO I didn’t want to put this in the main body bc it’s a lil dreary but if you relapse that is SO OKAY that doesn’t mean you should lose y #your support network or are a bad person or not trying hard enough. everyone relapses. that’s okay. the important part is that you keep goi #going and don’t give up! #BEST OF LUCK!!! you’ll be in my prayers!!! #Ed tw #psych ward tw

[half-oz-eddie]

Day 3: Past Trauma

Something random (and extremely personal) for @harringrovemovember

tw for psych ward/hospitalization/involuntary hold, suicide attempt, self harm, psychosis/brief psychotic disorder, hallucinations, medication

Billy and Steve were roommates in the psych ward. Billy had an episode of drug induced psychosis and a suicide attempt. Steve had alcohol induced psychosis at a party that caused hallucinations and paranoia.

Steve had been there for a few days longer than Billy, so he's freed from the constant observation first, and finally allowed to wear regular clothes and not the hideous hospital gowns anymore. When Billy was involuntarily admitted, he slept for 48 hours straight. Steve had done the same when he first got there, so he'd be sure to be considerate, quiet, and stopped eating in the room so the lights could be off as much as possible.

When the nurse would come in every 15 minutes to check on Billy, sometimes Steve would tell the nurse that Billy was crying and talking in his sleep.

When Billy finally woke up, Steve was on his way back from lunch with his coffee. They made eye contact. Steve stared, Billy glared.

"What?" Billy snapped.

"No-nothing. Welcome back. You've been sleeping for days."

"I don't remember anything."

"You should grab something to eat before lunch is over."

"Not hungry."

"Okay, get some Ensure from the nurse's station, then. If you don't put anything in your system, they'll keep you here longer."

Billy sighed and stood, sucking his teeth when he noticed the back of his gown was open.

"Here. Here." Steve handed him an extra gown. "Wear this one backwards so you're fully covered."

"Thanks." Billy grumbled. "What's your name?"

"Steve."

"I'm-"

"Billy. I know. I remember all the noise you made when you first got here. You cried so loud, I couldn't sleep."

"Sorry. I don't remember that."

"It's okay. I didn't remember much when I first got here either."

"Jesus. Are they wiping our memories or something?"

Steve snorted. It'd been awhile since he laughed. "No. Probably the psychosis."

"Oh. Is that what it was? Shit, that must be why they gave me that MRI, or whatever it was. They put me through a machine. I thought I dreamt that though, and—agh!" Billy held his head. "Fuckin' migraine."

"You need to eat. C'mon. Get something to eat. There're chicken sliders. They're actually pretty good. The coffee will keep you alert too."

Billy shrugged. "I guess."

When Billy's constant observation was over and done with, and he was no longer considered a harm to himself, he was excited for his mother to visit him and bring him some fresh clothes and food from outside.

When she didn't show, he had a terrible breakdown and started hearing voices, telling him he was never going to escape, and he should die. So Billy walked up to the nurse's station, being obnoxious and taking out all of his stress on everyone around him.

"Hey." He banged on the window. "Hello? I need my PRN. I'm hearing voices. Hey! Hey!"

Steve was doing his daily pacing the halls when he found Billy irritating the staff. "Billy, what are you doing?! You're gonna get in trouble again!"

"So? I want my fucking PRN. I'm hearing voices and I'm getting pissed off. My mom didn't show up or bring me my fucking clothes and-and I dunno. It triggered me or something."

Steve cocked his head, spotting the devastation in Billy's eyes. "Did you call her?"

"Yeah I fucking called! She didn't answer."

"I'm sorry. Maybe...something came up."

"Something came up." He darkly chuckled. "No, she just doesn't wanna see me." He turned back to the nurse's station, proceeding to bang on the glass. "P! R! N! Give me my fucking drugs or I'm going to kill myself! I'll do it!"

"Billy? Billy, stop. You can't say things like that."

"And why the hell not? They gonna put me in the psych ward?" Billy laughed.

Steve sighed, looking up as an irate nurse approached the window. "He's really distressed." Steve explained. "His mom didn't show up for her visit with him."

"Billy, do you need me to call the doctor?" The nurse asked.

"No. Just give me my meds so I can go lay back down."

The nurse gave Billy his medication, and he brushed past Steve, returning to their room.

Steve went to the laundry room to pick up his clothes, and brought them to their room.

He tossed Billy some shirts and sweatpants.

"We're really not supposed to keep food in our rooms, but my mom brought me a lot of snacks and the head nurse said I have to throw them away by tomorrow if I don't eat them. You want some?"

Billy slowly nodded.

Steve's eyes inadvertently fell on Billy's self harm scars when he reached out a hand for some candy.

"Do you...remember anything yet?"

"Not much. I remember wandering around for a long time. I remember...hearing a bunch of voices all at once. I remember calling 9-1-1 from an emergency box in some neighborhood. I remember crying in an ambulance and getting a couple of stitches. That's really all."

"I don't remember much either. One minute I was at a party with my girlfriend, the next, I was hearing this loud humming sound, and I was dizzy...I dunno. I just know she's not my girlfriend anymore. I don't remember what happened, or what I did, but she's not my girlfriend now. She hasn't accepted calls from me since I got here. Her parents called the hospital and had them order me to stop calling her."

"That's messed up." Billy responded with his mouth full. " What a bitch. She can get fucked."

"How long do you think you'll be here?" Steve asked, shifting the subject. "I'm ready to go home."

"Forever, probably. I'm batshit crazy and I don't have much of a home to go back to. I think it's what drove me over the edge."

"You're not crazy. Don't say that about yourself. Just cooperate, alright? Come out of your room more often, eat in the cafeteria, come to the group meetings..."

"Ugh." Billy threw himself back on the bed. "I don't want to. I'd rather just lay here and rot."

"You can't—"

Billy groaned. "There's 1 little fucking window here at the end of the hall. I can't go outside. I can't call my friends long distance because these shitty fucking phones only make local calls. I can't smoke—"

"Did you get a nicotine patch?"

"Yeah I got a fucking nicotine patch, but...I...I..."

"You what?" Steve leaned forward.

"I smoke for like...stress and anxiety. I don't know how to deal here."

"Come to the rec room. If you get there early enough, you can take over the radio. And, you can play some ping pong with me."

"Ping pong?" Billy snorted.

"C'mon. You gotta try, alright?"

"But..."

"Look. If you cooperate and get out of here with me, I'll treat you to lunch. Wherever you wanna eat."

"Yeah?" For the first time in weeks, there was hope in Billy's eyes.

Steve nodded certainly. "Promise."

"Uh...Thanks for the clothes." Billy scooted next to Steve. "And the snacks."

"Anytime."

#billy hargrove #steve harrington #harringrove #suicide attempt tw #self harm tw #hospitalization tw #psych ward tw #psychosis tw #harringrovemovember

[trans-axolotl2]

In my last residential treatment stay, I did have one psychiatrist who I trusted and had a positive relationship with. Her name was Dr. R, and when I came in on the first day of treatment and told her that I would not take any psych meds and that I had a lot of past psych trauma, she validated me and told me that she would not bring up meds unless I did. Throughout my stay there, she was empathetic, listened to my concerns, helped advocate for me, and generally made me feel heard. At the same time, when management took away our doors-she did nothing. When I needed to get a feeding tube--she lied to me about how long it would be in, and what I needed to do to get it out. She enforced policies about restricting outside breaks, restrictions on items, and contributed to treatment plans that my friends felt were unfair and damaging.

She was a good person and I liked her, but she was choosing to work within a system where she could not control the dozens of things happening there that harmed us every single day. This is what I mean when I say there is no such thing as a good psychiatrist in inpatient units--she was a progressive, validating, nice person --but her very job description made it impossible for a “good provider” to exist. To be a provider who wasn’t a part of the harm that was occurring on that unit, she would have had to quit, because the very requirements of her job required committing ethical violations, restricting peoples autonomy, and perpetrating iatrogenic harm. If she had stopped enforcing harmful policies and challenged her coworkers publically, she probably would have gotten fired. And that really is the problem--causing iatrogenic harm has essentially become a job requirement on inpatient units, and being a “good provider” by the metrics of the system require you to participate in that harm. 

I think Dr. R did a better job than most inpatient psychs in mitigating the harms she participated in, and finding ways to resist shitty systems when possible. I was glad she was there and I think she made my treatment better, but the two of us had a lot of conversations together where she acknowledged the fucked up things happening in the treatment center, acknowledged her role in them, and also stated that she did not have any power to change them. She could not fix the system by working within the system. 

I get a lot of questions by people who are interested in careers in the mental health system, and asking me on whether I think it’s okay for them to work there. My first response is usually if you’re asking because you’re feeling guilty after seeing what psych survivors say, I’m not someone who’s going to give you permission to ignore that guilt. The second thing I usually say is this: you need to go into this job aware with the fact that you will cause people harm, you will get into ethical dilemmas, and there will be times where you will either have to betray your personal values or quit. There isn’t one right answer on how to engage with mental healthcare as a provider, with the reality that until we build up alternative systems of care, the current structures still exist and have people who need support inside of them.  If that’s something that you think you can navigate in a way that lets you create the least harm possible, then that’s something you need to decide for yourself, and to think really deeply about if the reality of the psych system matches up with your goals.

#antipsychiatry #antipsych #mad studies #disability justice #psych ward tw #i think u also need to understand that if u go to school to work professionally in mental health #if u become a psychiatrist or a therapist or a social worker #even if you're one who does it outpatientt. even if you're an abolitionist social worker #that means there are probably going to be barriers to community spaces. that some people might not trust you any longer. if you are #coming into spaces as a professional #part of that decision might be grappling with the fact that even as you gain legitmacy from a societal side. that as u gain #new opportunities for jobs. to work within systems #you might also lose community trust. opportunities within activism spaces. opportunities #to share and be in those spaces as a survivor and patient #and im not saying this as a judgemnt or to put moral value on it #but i think that's just something you Also need to understand and weigh. sure you will gain something. by getting liscenced #but what will you lose? why might people not trust you in community spaces any longer? #what trade offs will you be making and are they worth it to you? what new communities can you build #what matters to you and what are your passions #<- all things i am really grappling with right now as i decide whether or not i want to go get my masters in social work

[n-hospital]

i know pasio psych ward goes absolutely CRAZY, volo, N, and cyrus all in the same ward? nightmare blunt rotation of guys who kill themselves every tuesday and they made it real

#doctor's orders #psych ward tw #pokemon

[neuroticboyfriend]

the fact on my psych ward stay records it says "chief complaint: i dont want to be here" is sure something. it's almost like. you imprisoned me against my will.

#julian rants #vent #psych ward tw

[trans-axolotl]

and here is the thing. all psych wards are bad. every single one. I don’t think there is such a thing as a good psych ward—I’m willing to believe that there are some good people who work in psych wards, who have good intentions, and who might end up helping some people. but the psych ward as a whole? There are no good psych wards. The structure of a psych ward inherently prevents it from being good. Even if you personally think you had a good experience in a psych ward, most likely what that means is that the abusive practices weren’t used on you. But those things are still there. even if you weren’t put into solitary confinement, it is extremely likely that your psych ward still had a room for that. even if you weren’t drugged without your consent, it is very likely other people were being drugged without consent!! even if you weren’t strip searched, or tied to your bed, or starved…it is VERY likely that your psych ward has protocols for all these things and regularly does them to many people who come through the ward! And it is vital to think about how your race, class, and other identities affected your experience before making broad claims about things “never happening” in psych wards.

Psych wards are inherently violent, oppressive, and unethical based solely on the fact that they are a form of incarceration, but even beyond that? If a psych ward is committed to enforcing compliance and incarceration, it is going to have some of those abusive measures that I listed above, and that is going to be standard protocol. Even if there are good people working in a psych ward, their reach is going to be limited—the power of the institution means that they constantly have to weigh the decision to break the rules and help someone, or to follow violent protocols. Most clinicians and staff will choose not to lose their job and even if they find it personally distasteful, will still choose to enable these types of violence. Good people on the inside are not able to fundamentally change the reality of what psych wards are and what they can do.

I strongly believe that people who say they have good experiences are the outlier and also are likely to be white and rich. Even if people don’t think that their experience was abusive, a lot of people generally find it boring, unhelpful, and mediocre. And so, so many people are experiencing abuse in a daily fucking basis in these places. Even if there are individuals who manage to escape the worst of a psych ward, the fact that the psych ward has the power, structure, and protocol to do these things to anyone is a problem.

#personal #antipsychiatry #psych ward tw #okay to reblog #mad pride #crazy tag

[prisonhannibal]

when you go to the mental hospital and people are mentally ill there #crazy #insane #scary

#txt #suicide tw #psych ward tw

[compassionatereminders]

i have an eating disorder but im not ready to recover right now. its too much. i know i cant do it on my own but im too scared of getting put in residential treatment and getting abused and broken there, even though my ed isnt that severe, so i have to hide everything. i feel guilty but my ed is comforting and familiar to me

It can take a while to get from knowing what you're supposed to do to feeling ready to actually do it, and that's understandable. I hope you manage to prioritize harm reduction, even if you aren't ready to commit to recovery, and I hope that you'll eventually reach a point where your illness start scaring you more than the recovery process. Because you do deserve to get better ❤️

#chat with kat #eating disorders tw #food issues tw #abuse tw #medical abuse tw #psych ward tw #kat plays games

[sc3n3slxt]

Hey so uh slight vent post and tw for psych ward stuff but tl;dr is I may not be as active

So… My brother has been acting weird lately and uh, to put it simple he’s been taken to the ER in an ambulance. I don’t know what’s happening from here on out, but I may not be as active for my own mental health. This has been an exhausting and terrible week for me. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.

#tw vent #cw vent #vent tw #vent tag #psych ward tw #tw psych ward

[awarmshrine]

Hospital/psych ward tw!!!

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I was just laying in bed anxious and trying to sleep and??? This older white lady nurse came into my room shining her torch all around??? I've never seen her before and she didn't even introduce herself she just started looking around my bedspace area.

The other nurse with her (I've met her before) told me they were doing "an environmental check" aka a room search which no one's done at all so far on this ward. And in all of my hospital stays no one has ever come into my room and done a random room search at 10 fucking pm.

The first nurse looked all over and in my stuff on my shelf. I felt so icky to have her invading my bedspace and looking at my plushies and underwear and everything. She was like"Well you must have been here for a while" and I said yes??? Did you not have a handover where you were told this?? Then she asked really harshly if I have any medication with me which of course I don't. She started asking me about the sorbeline that a nurse gave me and if I was using it and knew what it was for. Lady it is past 10pm and I don't know who you are??? She acted like I had done something wrong to have put my stuff on the shelves. Ik it's all such a small thing but I feel so violated rn.

I've been trying to avoid sedatives on this stay bc I hate how they make me feel the next day but now I'm gonna ask for one, I feel so hurt and I just want to be numbed out.

#medical tw #hospital tw #psych ward tw