#chat with kat

[compassionatereminders]

how do you set boundaries with very codependent people? i dont want to hurt their feelings but it hurts to be around them a lot of the times. i enjoy being their friend when its not draining me. i hope this makes sense

By being clear and direct without being mean. It might be helpful to reassure them that you're not mad and that you still like them, but don't get so sucked up in not hurting their feelings that you don't express the criticism you need them to take in. And if they respond to a clearly established boundary by acting out or disrespecting it, their codependence is no excuse, and in that case you probably need to take a step back from that relationship

#chat with kat

[compassionatereminders]

Dear anon from just now,I'm so sorry.

Idk if it helps to know, but I see you and I know you're NOT fake.

Kind regards

-another asexual who doesn't want to have sex ever

Yeah! Like can we please stop pushing the narrative that not wanting sex is something you have to fix? It's hurting people when we pressure them to disrespect their own wishes and boundaries just because they differ from the norm

#chat with kat #sex tw

[compassionatereminders]

I've been struggling with depression a lot recently, to the point where over the last week I haven't left my bed.

But I just got up, had a shower, and got dressed. My curtains are open for the first time this week. It took me three hours to do, and it's 5pm now, but I did it!

I don't really have anyone close to share this with, but I wanted to share it somewhere. I don't have the energy for a celebration, but I'd be dancing around my room right now if I did.

I know exactly how hard these tasks can be when you're mentally ill, and I applaud you for managing it! You deserve to be really proud of yourself, and I'm also very proud of you ❤️

#chat with kat

[compassionatereminders]

I hate how angry I get with PTSD. I've hurt so many people when triggered and always regretted it.

I self-isolate to avoid and when I reach out, I always get triggered and angry again.

:(

You gotta treat your anger with compassion, though. In which situations do you get angry? Why? Are there any signs that it's time to take a step back from a social situation? Any healthy/safe ways to process and express the anger? ❤️

#chat with kat

[compassionatereminders]

It's me again the one that wrote to you about asexuality...

What you wrote:

it sucks that the push towards asexual acceptance these days are more focused on "asexual people can still have sex!" than "it's okay to not want sex, ever."

I can't tell you how many times I was attacked (not on tumblr only but fb, twitter, other social media for saying this) and I was attacked by people who claimed to be asexual.

I have never said asexuals can't have sex and so on or that they are not real aces if they choose to have sex.

But I simply said I wish we could talk more about aces who never wish to have sex without saying BUT WE CAN HAVE IT!!! Or suggestions how you should you let your partners have "fuck buddies". Like yes you can but why do we keep have to add this in every convo. Because we are already overlooked then you are overlooked by your own community. And I never said that people shouldn't mention that aces can have sex but it's so odd how those who do have sex always have to preach it's okay to have sex under convos that just say how someone never wants sex (again aces who have sex are not shamed or called out in the post for being fake or whatever). This happened so many times to me that I feel pushed out of "normal society" (whatever normal is, having sex, having hook ups, having sex in a relationship etc.) Then I feel pushed out of ace community. Which is even worse.

Sorry for my rant but it feels nice when someone gets you and have the dame opinion makes me feel less alone.

I'm so sorry you've been treated that way. It's okay to not want sex. Even if someone's lacking desire for sex actually WAS caused by trauma or mental illness, pushing them to "fix it" when they have no desire to do so would still be inappropriate and toxic. It truly doesn't matter WHY someone doesn't desire sex, what matters is respecting their boundaries and right to define their own desires and lack of same ❤️

#chat with kat #aphobia tw #sex tw

[compassionatereminders]

I’m not expecting a response at all. I know you get a lot of asks. I just wanted to say thank you for the reassuring comment. I respect you so much and absolutely love your blog. I can’t describe the weight it feels lifted off of me to get the reassurance from you. Thank you.

You have such a positive impact on this app and your presence makes a difference. I actually back read your blog to make sure I don’t miss stuff. Thank you also for existing on here.

You're welcome! I love your blogs and I really admire you for the love and effort you put into running them, and it really pisses me off that so many people send hate your way, because I have never seen you be anything but compassionate, nuanced and respectful on here. So that some people are going out of their way to hate on you and attack you makes no sense to me, and I hope you know that it's not actually about you or anything you did wrong ❤️

#chat with kat

[compassionatereminders]

hello, how do you accept things that didn’t happen in ur life? im 22F and been going through some tough time. i have loved and loss. i do feel like im going to be alone forever and no man will finds me interesting or love me as I am… while its true i feel envious to my friends being in happy relationship and i wish that kind of happiness with me too. i feel like im so flawed and deserves to be alone.. therefore no man will love me. :(( thank you for answering. thank you for the insights.

I try to ask myself what I can do in the present to improve my current life. I'm also single and a bit more lonely than I'd like, but instead of "accepting" that as my inevitable fate, I'm looking at what I can do to make new connections at a pace I'm comfortable with. Recently I have joined a couple political organizations where I'm meeting a lot of cool people with similar values, and it will probably be a while before any of them are close friends of mine, but it's a start. So you don't have to "accept" loneliness. You can work on it. Even when there isn't an instant quick fix, there are steps you can take towards meeting new people and connecting with them

#chat with kat #negativity tw

[compassionatereminders]

I'm 26 and I left my job were co-workers and boss were pretty much bullies. I worked split shifts (example from 7 am - 11 am then from 2 pm - 6 pm). Other times I mostly worked from 1 pm till 9 pm. I almost never got morning shifts so I could work from 6 am till 2 pm. I worked 6 days per week. I don't have a drivers license or a car so waiting for the bus took me a lot of time as well. If I finished at 11 am I was home at noon, I cooked something, cleaned up, took a shower and went to work again so I'd be there at 2 pm.

Mentally I was so unwell and I was exhausted since. And I feel like I deserve better than being exhausted, sad and depressed. I put all my energy to work I had none for me. I stopped seeing friends, I had zero energy.

And I feel like it's bizarre how people think you should be GRATEFUL to have work, no matter what kind, no matter if you are miserable. Am I crazy to think it's better to be jobless than being miserable 24/7?

1 free day I had off I still had zero energy. Mostly I was sleeping, napping or watching some kind of tv show and I was stressed all day like a kid that tomorrow I have to go to work again. You know like that kid that no one likes at school and the kid keep thinking the whole weekend "oh no it's going to be Monday soon".

People think I should be ashamed I left work, because they think I'm a lazy bum now (I live with my parents still we have a house but I have savings and I don't live there for free) but I don't feel ashamed. My parents kinda support me with my decision because they see how stressed I was.

But I feel society in general think you should be grateful that work is depressing/stressing/killing you.

I just wanted to say this because you reblogged how everyone deserve to eat & have roof over their head. Because I agree with that post and I just wanted to add how toxic our world is.

I'm sick when I see people preaching how people should be grateful for minimum wage.

Politicians steal millions, destroying their own people with bad decisions etc. but people only focus on other people because they don't want to be miserable as them. And instead of wanting better work hours/better work environment they would rather bad talk about others.

I don't think you have to grateful to work a stressful and unfulfilling job in a toxic environment. And I think people who are unsatisfied with their jobs have the right to talk about that without being judged and shamed. That being said, in a society where most of the stuff you need to maintain your existence is tied to your ability to work, it IS in fact a privilege to be able to work OR to be able to safely be unemployed. And this is also important to acknowledge in discussions about toxic work culture

#chat with kat #bullying tw

[compassionatereminders]

What's some advice you wish you received much earlier

"When people come to you to establish a boundary or a need or to express hurt feelings, that's a compliment, not an attack. That is them wanting to develop the relationship and trusting you to listen and care to do better. And no matter how sad you are about accidentally hurting them, it's a GOOD thing that they cared to have a hard conversation with you"

#chat with kat #kat plays games

[compassionatereminders]

My son is a bit awkward, as you can see. 🥹

Oh my fucking god, the way his little leggies just... wow, what a creature! What a silly little dude! 😍

#chat with kat

[compassionatereminders]

Controversial opinion: death penalty shouldn't be outlawed

It shouldn't be used so much that it's the NORM or anything, but for mass killers, certain assault cases (especially involving vulnerable people), extreme stuff like that, I personally don't feel like those people should be given another chance. (I also know that I have a really binary way of looking at things so I'm just glad the decision won't ever actually be in my hands)

I actually don't have strong in depth opinions on this one, but my gut instinct tells me that giving any government the power to kill people legally is likely to go wrong, regardless of intentions. I'm not sure it's safe to give any institution that kind of power to wield, even if some people do "deserve it".

#chat with kat #death tw #politics tw #kat plays games

[compassionatereminders]

as a recovered drug addict and activist, i always find a lot of leftists will support all kinds of bodily autonomy until you say “i think people have a right to do even heroin safely, legally, and cleanly, no not just decriminalization or the needles but like, it’s OK to literally supply people with heroin. and give education on how to properly inject, smoke, and snort it” that’s the ultimate test

Oh yeah that's a good test! I am very much pro drug use and pro decriminalization - and no, I am not just talking about weed and some harm reduction measures. I'm talking about not punishing ANYONE for doing ANY drug, people in active addiction to scary illegal drugs very much included. I'm talking about making ALL drugs regulated, safe and available through legal means. I don't care how "unhealthy" and "bad" drugs can be, turning a debilitating illness into a law enforcement issue literally ruins lives and kills people and it's not actually helping anyone recover from addiction.

#chat with kat #addiction tw #drugs tw #heroin tw #weed tw

[compassionatereminders]

sorry if this seems cryptic. do people deserve to move on from things they've done? even if they were really bad? i fucked up a lot as a teen and hurt people and still hold it against myself to this day, i get told a lot that i need to let it go because i did all that i could to resolve things but it feels like a disservice to those i hurt to just drop it like that

Yes. While it's up to the people you've hurt whether THEY can forgive you, YOU absolutely do get to forgive yourself and move on once you've learned your lessons and put in the work to change your behavior for the better. Because while you can't change your past, it doesn't have to define you forever. Not if you put in the work needed to grow as a person ❤️

#chat with kat

[compassionatereminders]

"Intelligence" is a concept that neither psychology nor philosophy know how to define. It only takes into account skills that Western culture considers useful and require training from childhood, which is why third world countries score low in IQ tests. There are no "different types of intelligence", "intelligence" itself is a colonialist concept when given such importance

Valid take, honestly! That's why I think the goal shouldn't be expanding the definition but questioning the whole concept

#chat with kat

[compassionatereminders]

I swear, "narcissist" is the new "psycho." People just have to find a highly stigmatized disorder to further demonize and it makes me mad.

Truly. It is sickening like what about kicking upwards for once?

#chat with kat #cluster b ableism tw #ableism tw #discourse tw

[compassionatereminders]

i feel like a burden for having to rely on others because of my disabilities

But there's nothing wrong with relying on other people and no one, not even abled people, are as independent as we are told we should strive to be. And that's fine. We're herd animals and we're supposed to take care of each other! ❤️

#chat with kat #internalized ableism tw