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messiahzzz · 6 months

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“if we were home”

first gale doesn’t dare to dream, to hope. but against his better judgment he nonetheless finds himself slipping into daydreams more and more frequently.

gale: i always imagined what it would be like when you finally got to meet her. this wasn't quite what i had pictured.

gale: i thought we'd be in waterdeep. you, curled up before a crackling hearth while i prepared us a ridiculously extravagant meal, served with a batch of my homemade hundur sauce.

he has led his imagination wander and thought about certain scenarios in specific detail. how it’d be like when you both return to waterdeep and he’ll get to show you around his hometown for the first time. leading you to his favorite spots in town and (fondly) recounting old memories, how meeting his mother and properly introducing you to tara would play out, down to the very first actual, proper date. daily domestic activities like cooking (letting you try his homemade hundur sauce), reading together, etc etc. at this point there was no actual conversation about your wishes yet and what you want to do after all of this… IF you even prevail. but with his potential death looming on the horizon he wonders how things could have been instead, if you met in another timeline.

gale: i fear mine is a dream for another life. but a fine one nonetheless.

even if he genuinely believes that he will not survive this whole ordeal himself, the idea alone of being able to show you his home, the center of his universe, in person (and knowing that you share his excitement) is still something that keeps him going.

player: it could still happen. so long as we find another way to beat the absolute.

gale: gods, i love your optimism. contagious in the most endearing way.

#gale dekarios #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 spoilers #datamined dialogue #gale of waterdeep #in his head you have probably already gotten married and had your honeymoon 10 times over #suicidal ideation tw #suicide mention #bg3 meta

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dreamingofspring · 28 days

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Pov you're on a vacation originally meant as an engagement celebration for your ex husband and his new fiance, with your daughter, your partner, your ex fling, your daughter's friends and their parents

And the first time you get a chance to talk to your daughter one on one, she confesses that she doesn't want to exist, when you yourself are someone who deeply struggles with self loathing as well

I'd also immediately chug a bottle of wine tbh

#this is now a sandra lynn fan account i love women #christina.txt #fhjy spoilers #d20 spoilers #fhjy #d20 #fantasy high #sandra lynn faeth #suicidal ideation tw #just to be safe #ask to tag

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captain-hen · 1 year

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but i always knew, that in the end, no one was coming to save me so i just prayed, and i keep praying, and praying and praying

maddie buckley + ‘sun-bleached flies’ by ethel cain

@lgbtqcreators creator challenge — typography

#911edit #911 fox #*#userisha #userkourt #usertriz #userdorksinlove #usercorinne #alielook #suicide mention #suicidal ideation tw #domestic violence tw #blood tw #maddiebuckleyedit #usergif #*userlgbtq #userlgbtq #*color #*creative

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whumpwillow · 4 months

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Hello, Willow! I’ve recently found your blog, and I really liked your stories, especially Hazeshift one :)

So, I have a request for you (Warning! It contains self-harm and mentions of suicidal tendencies):

We have a defiant villain whumpee, who is injured and alone, left without home after a fight with heroes that ended up with an explosion, destroying villain’s lair. Eventually the villain is found by the same heroes who take pity on them and take them to their HQ (Of course Villain is a criminal, but they aren’t as dangerous as Supervillain and they are in need of medical attention, it’s just unfair to leave them alone).

The thing is, Villain isn’t having it. They are sure it’s some kind of a sick plan of heroes: treating Villain nicely, giving them food and medication just to drug and brainwash them. So Villain starts a hunger strike, refusing any food they are given. They are also aggressive towards anyone who approaches them, to the point of biting doctors and nurses.

Of course, the hunger strike eventually comes to an end, so now Villain, weakened from days without food and hooked on IVs must think of something else. They tried escaping once by the way, to no avail. Finally, Villain makes a decision: If they can’t leave this place alive, then death will be their only way of getting free. They considered starving again, but decided it takes too much time. Cut veins, on the other side, are much faster. How Villain managed to find a shard of class is a mystery to everyone. The main problem is, they are ready to use it.

Will anyone stop them, or will they finally find freedom in death in up to you :))

P. S. Please ignore this ask if you don’t want to answer it or if the topic is a trigger for you

ooh, this is a good "whumpee thinks caretaker is new master" scenario! thanks for sharing

#willow answers #answered asks #whump #whump prompt #whump prompts #whump scenario #villain whump #villain whumpee #suicidal ideation tw #suicide tw #self harm tw #ed tw

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ghastlytofu · 6 months

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Zevran: You once asked me why I wanted to leave the Crows. In truth, what I wanted was to die.

Sorry but that is one of the single most devastating lines in all of Dragon Age, jesus fUCK. Got the rug ripped out from under me on that one. It's been fifteen years and I'm still suffering psychic damage. Then his romance lines start hitting and it's game over lmao, heart shattered and pieced painstakingly back together.

Zevran: [The earring]'s meant a lot to me, but so have... so has what you've done. Please, take it.

Zevran: All I need to know is if there might be some future for us. Some possibility of... I do not know what. I still have the earring. I would like to give it to you as a token of affection. Will you take it?

Warden: That sounds like a proposal.

Zevran: Not unless you wish it.

HE SAYS SHIT LIKE,

"I would not gladly let you out of my sight, you know. I happen to like you too much to let you wander off without me."

"If this should be the last we speak, I want you to know... assassinating you was the luckiest thing that could've happened to me."

"In truth, for the chance to be by your side I would storm the Dark City itself. Never doubt it."

Zevran: This is why I adore you so.

Warden: Will you still say that when we reach the Archdemon?

Zevran: I would say it at the gates of the Dark City itself.

i'm........ his romance is so gud...

#SURPRISE it's zevran loving hours #dragon age #dragon age origins #zevran arainai #zevran x warden #suicidal ideation tw #but that is par for the course for zevran

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your-villainous-neighbour · 2 months

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fics where jean is like JAVERT WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THE PONT AU CHANGE!! are so funny to me bc like.... girl what are YOU doing at the pont au change 👁️ why are YOU at the bridge over famously lethal rapids.... 👀

#suicidal ppl be like uhhhh love staring into the deep darkness. love physical manifestions of the Void™#love staring into the great abyss and contemplating jumping but not actually doing it #anyway #jean valjean #javert #les mis #les miserables #should i trigger tag this #yeah just in case #suicidal ideation tw

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mentalhealth-selfshipping · 1 year

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Imagine your f/o reminding you that they want you around and alive. If you feel like a burden to them and everyone around you, they are quick to remind you that's not the case. Even if it gets hard at some points, they don't regret a single moment with you, assuring you that others feel the same. You're a big part of their life, and your sudden departure would be very detrimental to them. They're more than willing to stick by you, even if it means they have to endure hardships as well. They'll always want you to stay.

#type: imagine #for: depression #about: suicidal ideation #about: support #suicidal ideation tw #suicide tw #imagine your f/o #f/o imagines #f/o imagine

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compassionatereminders · 1 month

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I also hate the assumption that suicidal people all have the same thoughts that make them feel that way -- i.e., not loving themselves, or thinking life isn't worth living. There are so many different reasons that could lead someone to considering suicide. In my suicidal moments I've felt invalidated by these messages becauase I'll say, well I do love myself, but I still don't want to be alive. Like suicidality is not this monolith, it's not even always the result of depression - it can be the result of extreme pain, delusions, etc., any number of things.

Yeah or it could be a result of things like poverty or addiction or abuse or intense isolation or a horrible job or stalking or bigotry or medical neglect. Struggles that don't improve because someone calls you beautiful or whatever. UWUfying suicidal ideation into being all about irrational insecurities or feeling sad or whatever excludes a lot of people

#chat with kat #suicide tw #suicidal ideation tw #poverty tw #medical neglect tw #abuse tw #addiction tw #bigotry tw #stalking tw

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sluttyshima · 2 years

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Cut

Warnings: depression, graphic description of self-harm, self-hatred, suicidal ideation

Characters: Shouta Aizawa x reader

Words: ~1.6k

AN: Repost from my old account. This is a completely self-indulgent fic. It’s meant to be comforting, but the description of self-harm (and the aftermath of said harm) is based on real life experience and is written graphically. It could very well be triggering to some, so please do not read if you think it may upset you. Stay safe my loves <3

It was a single moment of weakness.

That’s what you try to convince yourself, at least. You can convince yourself that it was only an impulsive relapse if you blind yourself to the weeks - no, the months - that you’ve spent in a depressed haze. You’ve been ignoring all of the signs: irritability, lack of interest in things that used to bring you joy, bursting into tears suddenly for no reason, inability to sleep properly… the list goes on and on.

But you refuse to face the truth. ‘I can handle this myself,’ you tell yourself, over and over again. ‘Sure, I’m a little sad lately. But I’m doing just fine.’

Until you aren’t.

Ignoring the scars on your arms has become more difficult now that the weather is becoming warmer and you can no longer hide behind long sleeves. You find your gaze drawn to them frequently. Even though the thin lines should disgust you, you find yourself tracing them fondly with a single finger.

‘What’s stopping me?’ you begin to wonder. After all, the scars are already there. The fact that they haven’t faded away over the past several years leads you to believe that they are a permanent addition to your skin. You have nothing to show for your years of self control. The thin white lines are a constant reminder of your many, many failures. How many times did you let your emotions get the better of you? How many times did you raise a blade to your own arm?

Tonight, something within you snaps.

It comes without warning. One moment, you are sitting at your desk staring at the computer screen in front of you. And then you feel the dreadful, oh-so-familiar tightening sensation in your chest. A wave of emotions - too tangled to identify any single one - crashes over you.

One hand clutches at your chest as you bolt to your feet. You draw ragged breaths, beginning to pace. Desperate to quiet the storm in your mind, you move erratically, without purpose. Tugging at your hair, scratching and pinching at your skin. Toeing the line of self harm, but not quite crossing it… yet.

The arguments that you are making weaken by the second. It’s been so long, you’ve all but forgotten why you decided to quit in the first place. Pain was your drug. It was the only thing capable of numbing the inner turmoil.

Why shouldn’t you do the one thing that would bring you some sense of relief?

When you spot the simple square pencil sharpener sitting on your desk, you can feel what’s left of your resolve shattering. Your hands are shaking as you remove the screw that attaches the blade to the plastic. Out of practice, it takes you a couple of minutes before the metal is released, falling into your open palm.

The first cut stings more than you remember, and bleeds less. It’s a shallow wound made by a hesitant hand. You wait for the feeling of bliss that should emerge from the pain, the blessed relief that you were expecting.

But it doesn’t come. In fact, you feel even worse than before. The guilt of your impulsive action is overwhelming. This latest failure only proves what a weak, broken creature you are.

Angrily, you slash at your arm again.

And again.

Gritting your teeth against the pain, you are determined to cut deeper. That’s the problem, right? You just aren’t cutting deep enough. It’s not enough pain. But no, that isn’t it. The problem is you.

You’re pathetic.

Disgusting.

Hopeless.

You switch the blade to your other hand as you run out of room on your first arm. This time, you aren’t trying to find relief. You are punishing yourself now. ‘I deserve this,’ you think. ‘I already fucked everything up, all the progress I’ve made. I might as well keep going now.’

When you finally let the metal slip from your fingers, your arms are slick with blood and your face is soaked from the tears you’ve shed. As the adrenaline wears off, you feel your body beginning to shake. Leaning against the wall, you slide down to a sitting position. Head in your hands, you close your eyes as the pain becomes almost unbearable.

The soft chiming of your cell phone causes you to stiffen as you recognize the ringtone. You are filled with dread as you realize that you have no choice but to tell him what you’ve just done. He’ll notice the new cuts immediately, without a doubt. It will be much easier for both of you if he is already expecting them.

“I’m so sorry…” you immediately began babbling as you answered the phone. You’re terrified of his reaction. Will he hate you for this? Will he leave you? You need to see him. Now. “I’m such a fuck-up… it hurts so bad… please come.”

There is a single moment of silence before he replies, “I’m on my way.”

Time passes so slowly as you wait for him. When your front door finally opens, you stiffen. His eyes are bloodshot, hair a mess with some of it plastered to his forehead. Did he run here? He must have.

Shouta is trying desperately to appear calm, but you know him too well. You can see that he is in pain as his eyes rake up and down your form before settling on your arms. The long sleeves hide the damage that you’ve inflicted upon yourself, but he stares at them as if he has x-ray vision.

“Let me see.” His voice is strained. “How bad is it?”

You swallow heavily, barely holding back tears. “It’s really bad,” you admit. “I… I completely lost control.” In a barely audible voice, you add, “I’m scared to show you.”

“Please,” his voice breaks on the word, and you’re pretty sure that your heart breaks with it. Shouta has always been your rock, remaining strong even when you become unravelled. Seeing him like this, so close to breaking down… it hurts so much more than you could have anticipated. And the guilt, the guilt is overwhelming.

Slowly, you begin to roll up your sleeves. You wince when the fabric pulls at your wounds, the clotting blood having fused with the clothing. A few of the cuts are reopened by your actions, and begin oozing fluid.

A broken gasp leaves Shouta’s lips once your arms are finally bared in front of him. His jaw clenches and he closes his eyes for a long moment, trying to force back the tears that are threatening to spill. Moving faster than you would have thought possible, he pulls you into his arms, squeezing you tightly as if he’s afraid that you’ll disappear.

“I’m sorry,” you choke on the words. Clinging to his shoulders, you let out a sob as you feel his body trembling. “Oh gods, Sho, I’m sorry!”

He doesn’t speak. He can’t speak. So instead, he lifts you into his arms - careful not to press against your injuries - and carries you to the bathroom.

Sitting you down, the man rummages through your medicine cabinet until he finds what he needs. Wordlessly, he tends to your wounds. Although his touch is as gentle as possible, it still hurts when he cleans them. Your soft hisses of pain send him over the edge and his tears finally begin to fall. He ignores them however, choosing instead to focus on you and doing everything that he can to minimize your discomfort.

With the amount of cuts that litter your arms, it takes quite a while for Shouta to clean and bandage all of them. By the time he finishes, you have gone numb both physically and emotionally. It is as if all of the feeling has been sucked out of you, leaving you an empty husk.

Noticing the blank look in your eyes, the man kneels in front of you and places his hands on your knees. “Talk to me, kitten.” His voice is hoarse from crying, but gentle. When you don’t respond right away, he moves his hands up to cup your face. “Hey, are you there? Come on sweetheart, come back to me.”

The warmth of his touch pierces through the haze surrounding you. Blinking a few times, you manage to focus your eyes on his. And then you launch yourself at him.

Shouta catches you easily, hands going to your thighs and guiding them to wrap around his waist as he stands. Your arms lock around his neck, clutching at his hair and his shirt. “I’ve got you,” he murmurs reassuringly. “Just hold onto me.”

He deposits you gently onto the soft sheets of your bed before climbing in beside you. Strong arms wrap around you and pull you against his body in a spooning position. Brushing the hair away from the back of your neck, he presses feather-soft kisses over the skin there.

“We’ll call your therapist in the morning,” the man says. “For now, you should get some rest.”

As much as you want to simply fall asleep, you hesitate. There is a worry still lingering in the back of your mind, and you need to get it off your chest. “Sho? You… you aren’t going to leave me, right?”

The arms around you tighten as he lets out a soft growl at the suggestion. “Never,” he promises. “I’ll always be here for you, kitten. I love you more than anything else in this goddamned world.”

His words echo in your mind over and over again as you finally fall asleep.

#shouta aizawa #aizawa x reader #aizawa comfort #mha #bnha #mental health tw #blood tw #self harm tw #suicidal ideation tw

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theatre-apocalypse · 6 months

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Sharing my “Paul has MDD” propaganda.

#starkid #hatchetfield #tgwdlm #paul matthews #bill woodward #for only one panel but yeah #hatchetfield fanart #depression tw #suicidal ideation tw #just in case #also in case anyone’s wondering yes I also have mdd 👍#I won’t deny some projection going on here #but I’m always thinking about the implications of let it out and inevitable #also realizing I posted two sad things in a row oops. I will try to make the next post lighter

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messiahzzz · 17 days

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going through the files once more and...

player: if this is truly what you want... gale: what i want is a life i could share with you, but alas... knowing you're still out there will suffice for now.

player: it's a heavy burden, yes - but one you're able for. think of the good your sacrifice will do. gale: i am trying. believe me, i am. the path is set and i will not stray from it - even as my heart quakes. gale: i am terrified - i will not claim otherwise. my face could scarcely conceal it even if my words sought to deny it.

gale: yes... but there is so much to live for, and so few moments in which to house it all. gale: damn you. damn you, for giving me so much to care about. our friends, our adventures... this would've been so much easier if it was just me. but it isn't. gale: if there is a way - any way - to save all that's grown dear to me, i want to seize it. i just cannot fathom what that might be, other than to fail mystra and condemn the world.

gale: i fear mine is a dream for another life. but a fine one nonetheless.

gale: i thought i made my feelings plain - i do not want to take that step. not anymore. player: you're certain you won't reconsider? gale: you make it sound like such a small thing. no - i do not wish to die.

player: you would rather end your own life than trust the emperor with the stones? gale: do not mistake me - i want to live. but i've been careless enough with my life in the past. i can hardly stand by and watch you sacrifice yours.

withers: who flickers there 'twixt the shadows? gale, who didst surrender his very self for the salvation of faerun. withers: tell me, gale, how doth thee weigh thy sacrifice, now it hath been made? player[gale]: i didn't want to die, but i couldn't see any other way... player[gale]: one wizard for the whole of faerun seems like a fair trade to me. withers: it is time thou learnest to value thyself truly. thy sacrifice weighs greatly on those thou left behind, as it doth in this place.

i can’t help but once again be reminded of the ign interview they published at the end of last year. that contained the devs proudly claiming that pushing gale to sacrifice himself is “the right ending in many ways”

#bg3 #gale dekarios #tw harm to gale #suicidal ideation tw #suicide mention #character death mention #larian critical #it speaks #it says a lot about the overall state of the interview considering that i'm still bitter abt this months later #it truly was A Choice

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