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#drawing men is getting easier tho
welcometomyfloor · 2 years
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Spent the day drawing this because why the fuck not? Also, new pfp that showcases my one whole redeeming quality.
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randomcanbian · 2 years
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#thinking about how fatin is so worried about leah's instability and how much she cares about her and how it personally feels diminished#when people ascribe romantic feelings to it...like it feels so much lesser#fatin cares about all the girls so deeply and loves them so fiercely and it's one of the main draws of her to me esp given how it contrasts#with her pre-island self who wouldn't let herself bond with other women because of the effort and emotions it would involve#(I'd argue she doesn't have meaningful relationships with men either but they're 'easier' in that she only seeks those who're content#with just casual sex)#i was open to romantic leatin but the more i rewatch the wilds and the more i see posts from leatin fans the more i begin to dislike it#they way fans treat fatin's relationship to leah...feels like such a disservice to fatin#like relationships in media are supposed to further a character and give them more complexity...leatin feels like it diminishes her#the way fatin treats leah is how she would treat any of the other girls she's bonded with if they were as unstable as her...like god look#at how gently she handles martha and shelby#and i can't get over how fiercely protective she was of rachel (and it KILLS me when people make it out as if her reaction was BECAUSE of#Leah and not like the girl she was actually??? protecting??? her relationship w/ leah plays a role in this ofc but it's so annoying how#quick people ignore Fatin's relationship with Rachel#jfc)#the thing is that martha and shelby have people closer to them so Fatin's not going to be there 100% of the time#meanwhile Fatin and Leah go to the same school so Fatin has this sort of responsibility towards Leah#not that she wouldn't take care of her even without this responsibility but like...Fatin's more obliged to help Leah out due to their#shared background#I'm not looking to lessen Fatin's relationship with Leah tho like from a platonic lens what they have together is so fucking special#but the same thing goes for Fatin's relationships with all the other girls and it literally kills me how 95% of the conversation around her#now is about how she and Leah should get together#at this point Fatin's relationship with literally anyone else is more interesting to me
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ooffmlsorry · 6 months
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OP Men When You're Injured
Context: I don't mean mortally injured, I'm talking something not too serious that kind of inhibits your movement like a broken bone or recovery from a surgery
Law, Kid, Ace, Luffy, Zoro, Sanji
Law
A/N: can we get a little commotion for this gif tho?? Why is he so perfect?? 😭
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Law as a doctor is perfectly normal about your injury. He knows with some rest and eventual rehabilitation you'll be just fine. No big deal.
He makes sure you're healing well and comfortable, like he would with any patient
Law as your boyfriend is different.
In the case of an injury with no risk of infection, he'll press a kiss to it. Yes, like he's kissing your boo-boo 🥹
Law does not leave your side. He is your shadow. Where you go, he's right beside you or at the very least in the same room as you.
At first he deadass tries to convince you he's not lingering at all and he's the same as he always is.
But you both know he's lying. He practically moves his office wherever you decide to be for the day.
He can't help himself. What if you fall? What if you reinjure yourself? He's so pressed about the worst case scenarios, and given his past, can you blame him?
He quietly grumbles and pouts about his own "irrational" behavior because he knows in reality you can absolutely go about your day. You're a little slower but you're fine. But he just can't let you. As soon as you start to struggle, he's right beside you offering to help.
If you're aggravated by his hovering, he's twice as annoyed by it. He's literally so frustrated with himself lmao, you might end up having to comfort him instead.
Even if he complains (is it really complaining if he's actually happy lol) you're happy because all this extra time around you makes him extra affectionate. Law snuggles close to you, justifying his closeness by explaining how physical affection can lower cortisol levels.
KID
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Oh Kid smh 😔he has no idea how to treat you so he just decides to behave like everything's normal lmao
Legitimately though, even if a inanimate object is what caused your injury, he's destroying it. Just out of pure fury that you were hurt.
He'll huff when you fall behind or have trouble doing something, but he just can't leave you to suffer
He's a man of action lol so he'll probably end up doing things for you just for efficiency sake. You're walking too slow? He picks you up. Can't grab or hold something? He'll do the whole thing for you and next time you try to do the same thing you find he's made something to make it a lot easier for you while you heal.
Anything you need to assist you he'll happily build.
If you have a cast or anything like that, he's gonna draw all over it (honestly, the whole crew will. You're gonna have the most bad ass cast ever)
He absolutely calls you a baby for wincing or complaining. He doesn't mean it...mostly.
If he's not keeping an eye on you than Killer is.
It's not like he's worried or anything! Fuck you for saying that!! He just doesn't want to hear or see you whining and complaining. It's annoying. Okay, sure Kid.
He genuinely hate seeing you in pain though, even if it's just wincing it reminds him of losing his arm and he never wants you to experience anything close to that.
ACE
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Ace is your little emotional support boyfriend...or maybe it's the other way around 🤭.
He'll curl up at your side while you recuperate and completely dozes off.
He takes looking after you very seriously and asks Marco lots of questions, even if there's not a whole lot he can do.
He doesn't pity you, but he does feel really bad. Even if it was just an accident, he hates seeing you limited in any way.
He might accidentally treat you like you're made of glass.
It's just because he cares a lot, and he really doesn't want anything else to happen to you.
Every single morning he wakes up and asks how you're feeling or if you're in any pain.
There's a lot of people on the Moby Dick and accidents happen all the time, so don't be surprised when he literally clears a way for you to traverse around the ship.
I'm not saying he's impatient buuuut he will definitely glare at whatever part of you is injured and say, "Jeez, can you heal up already?"
He gives you space, but only if you ask for it. He just doesn't want you to feel like you're ever in this alone.
LUFFY
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Luffy is neither patient nor gentle lol but he's extremely loyal
He'll goof off and continue to go on adventures, but he's not gone for long
Even his crew is surprised when tells them he's not going to get distracted because he knows you're back on the Sunny waiting for them.
He's always bringing cool things back to you since you can't do as much as you usually can. Just because you can't be right beside him doesn't mean you have to miss everything.
God bless him he's gonna try to bring you some meat so you'll heal faster 🤭.
He'll absolutely forget you're injured at some point and probably tackle hug you.
The last thing he'll let you do is stay cooped up in bed unless Chopper insists that you have to. Even if you need to rest you can do it right next to him on the head of the Sunny, right?
Exactly like Ace he's going to frown at whatever part of you is injured and say, "Jeez, can you heal up already?!"
He gets whatever you need and probably overdoes it. Need a glass of water? He just straight up brings you the whole barrel.
More is better! Besides, you need to hurry up and get better!
ZORO
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He's not worried. He's so chill about it, actually. ...Until you start to move around.
The way he switches up is laugh worthy. He goes from nonchalant to overprotective in an instant.
He practically holds his breath as you make your way around the Sunny, watching you like a hawk.
Admittedly, he does tease you a little. He'll grab things for you, but hold them out of your reach or call you a little turtle if you move slower. He thinks it's very cute hehe.
For better or for worse, Zoro's not a hypocrite. He won't hound you to take it easy if you think you're up to a task. Even if Chopper really wishes he would.
He still won't leave you though, unless you're resting and stationary, he's by your side.
Zoro is your attack dog boyfriend. There's no way anyone (*ahem* Luffy) is fooling around too close to you. There's not going to be a chance you could get hurt more or reinjured.
When you're alone he checks in with you to make sure you're okay, not because he's shy about being soft in front of people but more so to protect your privacy.
He kind of likes doing extra things for you, he won't say it out loud but it makes him really happy when he can do things while you recover. He considers taking care of someone he loves to be such an honor.
SANJI
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Unless whatever injured you is vitally important (e.g. the Sunny), he's kicking the shit out of it on principle because how dare anything even dare to hurt you lmao
Are you surprised that he dotes on you hand and foot? You shouldn't be.
I think it also goes without saying he is cooking you best meals.
They're gonna have to tie him down when it comes time for your rehabilitation because he wants to do everything for you.
He's such a sweet heart! He leaves you little messages like "you're doing great!" and "I love you!"
Literally this man lives with you on the ship and he still got you flowers, a get well card, and a little stuffed animal like he's not going to see you every single day
He loves carrying you (as long as it's Chopper approved). He's beaming down the sunny with you in his arms.
He makes the cutest little picnics so you can eat comfortably
Sanji's also an emotional support boyfriend lol. In between cooking for the crew and other duties, he's curled up right next to.
He might coddle you a little too much but it's just because he loves you so so so much
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buckyalpine · 2 years
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Heeey sweetie ! I hope you’re well !! I always look forward to your posts and check your page daily for updates ! Your writing is incredible and always leaves me with butterflies in my stomach !! I wanted to leave a request if that’s okay ! I was thinking about mob Bucky with grumpy-sunshine trope !? Bucky being the grumpiest little shit ! He’s arrogant and stares too much . But then he meets this ray of sunshine and she’s the only one to get him soft ! She’s the only one that can coax a smile out of him ! Gives her the gentlest touches and sweetest kisses ! He’s proud to have her next to him and loves how much smaller she looks compared to his massive size . Even tho he’s dominant in bed , he’s still careful and considerate with her ! Fluffy fluff with a big intimidating man
YESS Omg i love this so much its adorable. (18+, cause there’s fluffy fluff but also smutty smut) 
Disclaimer: I love fics where Bucky loves his much smaller reader compared to his larger size but I do my best to not describe the readers size too much because I want anyone to be able to imagine themselves in my fics. When I write, Bucky is obsessed over how he can just easily scoop you up into his arms and toss you over his shoulder effortlessly. 
First time meeting you I just imagine you both meet in the most wholesome way as well. He's truly the grumpiest shit anyone's ever met. Arrogant and cocky but he’s earned his reputation so no one dares question it. That being said, he has some principals, one of them being that family always comes first. He takes that very seriously. That's why he's out and about, looking for a present for Sam’s daughter’s birthday, hand picked himself (and by present, we’re talking presents plural, he already bought her a custom gold engraved locket and an Hermes baby blanket, no godchild of his would get any less).
Still, he wanted to give her more, wandering into a little book shop at the corner of the street that appeared to be empty. His men stood outside the door while he scanned the shelfs, huffing in frustration because there were so many choices and it would have been easier to just buy the all the books. He picked up a book and set it down, the store probably wouldn’t cost too much- 
"Can I help you?"
A sweet voice called him from behind and Bucky was ready to give the person hell, he hated sales people. Most people. Honestly all people. Except Steve. He'd maybe pee on Sam if he was on fire but that was as far as his love for him went. (its all a front, he loves Sam).
He turned around, about to tell whoever it was, to fuck off, blinking instead when he came face to face with you. You smiled up at him, eyes twinkling, setting down the pile of books you had in your arms to look at the shelf he was browsing. 
“What age group are you looking for?” 
Bucky hardly registered your words, staring at what looked like the human form of a cute little garden fairy straight out of a fairytale. You were in a blush pink sundress, covered in tiny flowers, standing on your tippy toes trying to reach the books higher on the shelf. Garden fairy, what the fuck was wrong with him, he shook his head trying to regain his train of thought. 
“Uh- a baby?” Bucky didn’t know what to do with himself, most people took his  staring as a sign to go away but you seemed unbothered. 
"Oh! Come with me, there’s a great section at the back, I’ll show you!” You happily led the 6′4 mob boss to the kids corner at the back of the store, colorful drawings, plush rugs and little bean bags covered the area. 
“Any of these would be great for a little one” You pointed to the shelves that were low to the ground, pulling out a few and handing them to him “let me know if you see anything you like” with that, you went back to putting books away. You returned a few minutes later, biting back a smile, looking at the tall man covered head to toe in dark ink, diligently reading through one of the books you handed to him. 
"You look so cute" You giggled, looking at Bucky sitting on one of the tiny chairs, his long legs sprawled out in front of him. 
"Cute?" Bucky had never been more insulted in his life, of all things to describe him, how dare you tell him he looked cute. 
“Of course” You grinned as you walked over and sat down beside him. The gentle sweet scent of your perfume evaded his senses, his heart jumped when he felt your warm hand brush against his. Bucky didn’t know why his heart was racing, he didn’t like it. His brows furrowed, trying to stop the blush that spread across his face when he saw your smile. 
“Do you like that one?” Bucky nodded, looking at the cover of the book; two bears sitting together looking at the moon. “I love you to the moon and back, its such a sweet book, I would have picked this one too” 
Bucky nodded again, not trusting himself to speak around you. You took the book to the front to check him out. After he paid, you placed a little brown bear that matched the ones on the book cover in the bag as well. Bucky cocked his head confusedly, reaching for his wallet again. 
“How much?”
“Just take it as part of the gift” You smiled, tying a ribbon around the handles of the bag. “I’m sure they’ll love it. Have a good day!” You gave him a little wave as he walked out, turning back to your books, while Bucky felt his insides melt. 
The pretty girl at the book store thinks I’m cute.
Bucky slid into his SUV, the corner of his lips twitching, his cheeks dusted pink. You thought he was cute. Cute. He continued to bite his bottom lip, fighting with his face muscles to keep from smiling, failing miserably instead. 
“Is he having a stroke”
Sam whispered, staring at Bucky through the rearview mirror while he sat at the front with Steve. Bucky’s face continued to twitch, trying to keep his classic scowl on his lips. 
“I think he’s smiling” snorted, cocking an eyebrow watching Bucky carefully inspect the little brown bear you put in the bag. 
“He knows how to smile?”
“You good punk?” Steve called out, smirking when Bucky stuffed the bear back in the bag, pretending he wasn’t giving it heart eyes while thinking about you. “You looked real cozy talking to the girl at that the bookstore” 
“Shut up” He ignored his two friends snickering, throwing them a growl before thinking about you again. 
She thinks I’m cute. 
After that meeting, imagine Bucky finds himself going back for more and more books; he doesn’t even have time to read but he can’t help it. Every time he steps into your bookstore, its like sliding into a comfy blanket. He’s addicted to your sweet smile; your always there with a new book for him to read. He can’t help but smile every time he sees you flit around the shelves, he felt like he was living in his own fairytale. 
The first kiss
Bucky watched you huff in frustration, trying to put a book back on the shelf but it was too high for you to reach. 
“Um-could-would you please help me put this back?” You asked shyly, while Bucky smiled, nodding and coming up behind you, his hand gently holding your waist, placing the book on top with ease. His tall form towered over you, his chest brushing against your as you turned and looked up at him. 
“Th-thank you” you whispered, your eyes flicking from his blue eyes to his pink lips. His lips were curved in a soft smile that gave you butterflies; it wasn’t often that you saw him smile but it seemed he did it whenever he was close to you. 
“You look handsome when you smile” You squeaked, slapping your hand over your mouth as soon as the words slipped through. Bucky bit his lip, while you looked away embarrassed you had said that out loud. “Sorry I didn’t mean-” 
You gasped, feeling him pull you closer, his hand gently tilting your chin up to look at him. His head dipped down slightly and you felt your body moving on its own, standing on your tippy toes to be closer to him. 
“Can I kiss you?” He whispered, his nose nudging against yours. You nod, letting out a shuddered breath as his hand cupped your cheek, pressing his lips sweetly to yours. You hesitantly moved your arms to wrap around his shoulders, melting into his touch. 
You didn’t know how much time had passed, staying tucked in his arms, having waited ages for him to finally make a move. When he finally has to leave, he comes running back in mere seconds later. 
“Did you forget something?” 
Bucky nodded, his hands wrapping around you waist, pulling you close to him again, his lips kissing you softly as ever. 
“I wanted another kiss” 
That kiss turned into lots of kisses. Lingering hugs. When he finally brings you to his home, he keeps you his little secret for a while so he can enjoy your company. You bring out a softness in him he didn’t know was possible; soft fluffy dates with him cooking for you, or going on evening strolls. You’re his everything, he loves seeing his little garden fairy comfy in his home. You made everything warmer; the soft scent of candles always traveled down the halls; sweet baked goodies were always ready in the kitchen. Sam and Steve were definitely not complaining, pretending they didn’t notice Bucky’s classic grumpy face now also came with a cute little blush on his cheeks. 
The first time they meet you 
Imagine Bucky’s team finally find the mole they’d been hunting for months. They’re all riled up, throwing him into the van, threatening him within an inch of his life. They know Bucky likes to take care of business himself but it doesn’t stop them from warning him about the pure wrath he’s going to face. 
“You’re fucked”
“You thought we were bad? You’re gonna wish your mom swallowed you”
They drag him up the steps, bursting into his office, expecting Bucky to be waiting there with his knife twirling between his fingers. 
Instead...
Bucky’s men all stared at each other before looking at the sweet thing that was sitting in their bosses lap, feeding him pastries. Bucky grinned like a love struck puppy, cradling you to his chest while he sat on his office chair, moaning at the sweet caramel melting on his tongue. The last thing they expected to see was a delicate thing like you cuddled up with who they thought was a blood thirsty gang leader. 
Sam snorted, shaking his head, watching Bucky ignore the rest of them, his eyes still trained on you, peppering kisses onto your cheek. 
“Motherfucker, are you eating butter tarts right now?” 
“They taste good” Bucky shrugged, giving you one final sweet kiss to your lips before looking up at his team. 
“Why don’t you wait for me in my room, I’ll be there soon” Bucky pressed a soft kiss onto your temple, helping you off his lap. You smiled, brushing some of his hair back, kissing his forehead.
“Come soon bubba” Your bare feet padded through his office, giving the towering men a quick wave as you passed them “Hi Sam, Hi Steve!” 
Sam blinked, before grinning and giving you a friendly wave back. 
“She is adorable, fucks she doing with you” 
“Shut the fuck up bird brain” Bucky panned, a growl emitting from his chest, as he rounded the table, his previous soft demeanor dropping as soon as his eyes landed on the mole. “Have Steve keep him quiet, my angel doesn’t have to hear this shit” 
After Bucky’s men saw how soft he was for you, you become their secret weapon. You’re always there to soften the blow they’d face, making him smile even when delivering the worst news. 
“Boss, the deliveries were seized” Peter trembles at the door, while Bucky’s nostrils flare, he’s about to tell everyone off, but his anger dissipates as soon as your head pops into the room. 
“Bucky, come cuddle?” You push past the men, your hands draping around his shoulders. 
“They put you up to this, didn’t they?” Bucky snorted, rubbing his temples, melting as soon as you crawled into his lap. You giggled innocently, kissing his scruffy cheek while he lifted you into his arms, carrying you over to his room. 
“Hmm, they’re lucky you’re so sweet babygirl” 
The first time 
For months, Bucky didn’t do anything more than give you soft kisses, hugs and cuddles. He wanted you, he needed you in a way he never thought was possible, but he didn’t want to rush anything. You were special and if he was going to be intimate with you, it’d be whenever you were ready. 
He never wanted to pressure you into anything, but you reassured him you wanted this. Bucky swallowed thickly, looking at your smaller form curled up against his bed waiting for him. You looked so sweet and delicate, wearing just one of his shirts, nervously fidgeting with your hands while he crawled up the bed to you. 
“Are you sure about this prinţesă?” He kissed your knee, gently stroking your cheek with his thumb; you felt your face heat up and the name he had for you, nodding without meeting his eyes. “Look at me baby” He tilted your chin to meet his gaze, “I won’t be upset if you want to wait” 
You knew he meant it. Not once had he ever made you feel like doing something you didn’t want. His sweetness only made you want him more. 
“I want this, I-I want you” you whispered, moaning softly when his lips pressed against yours. He kissed you softly, his hand moving to your waist to lay you down against the pillows. He was on top of you, nipping your jaw, peppering kisses down your neck, his hand caressing the side of your thigh. 
Being with you was different. 
He natural instinct had always been rough and fast; clothes torn, no build up. 
He didn’t want that with his pretty doll. Yet. 
He slowly undressed you, pulling your shirt over your head, leaving you bare underneath him. He continued to kiss you while still being fully dressed, chuckling when he felt you squirm under him. 
“What is it baby?”  He cocked his head, picking up on what you wanted when you fiddled with the buttons on his shirt but he didn’t want to give in, enjoying your flustered state.
“I-um” You fisted his shirt, burning under his gaze, “Take it off” 
“Take what off?” He cocked his eyebrow, a smirk dancing on his pretty lips. 
“Ugh, I want to see you naked Bucky” You pouted, burying your face into his neck while he grinned, bringing your hands to unbutton his shirt. 
“Whatever my babydoll wants, go ahead prinţesă, m’all yours” You squeaked when he pulled you and rolled over so you were straddled on top of him, his hands stroking your bare waist and thighs. 
“Want you to take it off babygirl” He couldn't take his eyes off you as you shakily undid his tie, moving to his buttons next. As soon as his shirt was off, you managed to unbuckle his belt and tug off his pants. You blinked at his thick cock straining against his briefs. 
Bucky brought his fingers to rub though your soaked folds, groaning at the slick that easily coated his fingers. 
“Will you let me taste you?” 
“I-no one’s ever-
“I’ll be gentle baby, promise it’ll feel good” Bucky laid you on your back as he worshipped your body, trailing kisses down your skin, while you hesitantly parted your legs, his thick, wide shoulders forcing them apart further. 
“So pretty baby” Bucky groaned, kissing your clit, his lips sealing around your clit, sucking softly, careful not to apply too much pressure. “You have the sweetest clit doll”
He could feel his cock throb against the mattress at the way your face contorted, soft whine slipping past your lips as you tried to keep your moans down. He pushed a finger in, gently stretching you out, while you started to grow needy, your hips shifting under him. He pulled away, his beard glistening with your arousal, eyes heavy with lust. 
“Want to be inside you prinţesă” 
You nodded,  while he threw his briefs off, his cock standing tall and proud as he hovered above you.
“Bucky, it-it won’t fit” You whispered, watching his thick cock bob between his legs, grazing on your clit. 
“We’ll make it fit baby” His hand gently cupped your face, while your legs moved up to hug his waist. “Tell me if its too much and I’ll stop” He moved his cock through your folds, groaning at how you felt on the tip of his cock. 
“Ready?” You nodded, gasping feeling his thick blunt tip prod against your soaked entrance.
“Jaames...” You whimpered feeling him stretch you while he kissed your forehead, stopping his movements with just the tip inside you.
“Shhh angel, it’s just me sweet girl” Your body trembled under his, biting down onto his shoulder as he pushed himself further while holding your body close to his. You were still getting used to the burn and stretch of him as he buried himself to the hilt, clinging onto him while he stayed still. 
“I know baby” Bucky stroked your forehead, brushing your hair away from your face, kissing your cheeks. He felt a new type of feral, his sweet girl under him, whining and whimpering over his cock, your pussy dripping around him.  
“S’too big Bucky” You bit your lip, your pretty doe eyes locked with his. 
“My cocks too big for you baby?” Bucky cooed, while you nodded, throbbing at your nails digging into his skin “Your pussy’s too tight, huh angel, you need me to go slow?”
There was something addicting over how hard Bucky was trying to hold back, his brows furrowed, cock already leaking into you. He started off slow, gentle thrusts, letting you adjust, telling you how perfect you were, his hands laced with yours, pinned against the bed.
“Taking my cock like such a good girl baby”
“You know how pretty you look right now doll?”
You felt the burn start to melt, your moans growing louder while he pushed his entire length in and out of you, his bally smacking against your ass. 
“M-more Bucky, please?” 
Bucky’s breaths grew heavy, feeling his spine tingle already, you had a different affect on him, his cock already throbbing. 
“You’re beautiful prinţesă”
“Could make love to you like this for hours my baby” 
“Taking me so well babydoll, making my cock throb, you’re so tight” 
He craved so much more of your warmth, his pace speeding up, moaning and grunting each time you cried out. He gripped onto the head board as he started to pound you, the sounds of skin slapping carrying through the room. 
“F-uck baby, you feel so good” He moaned into your neck, the muscles on his back tensed as he fucked you harder. “Am-am I too rough sweet girl”
“F-feels g-good James” You cried out from under him, your walls starting to flutter as he hit your g-spot. Bucky moaned, his forehead coming down to rest on yours, lips parted and brushing against each other. “Bucky, harder, please”
The sound your moaning his name made him almost cum on the spot. 
“Oh fuck don’t stop, tell me it feels good baby, tell me how bad you want it, keep saying my name” 
“JAMESS” The headboard practically slammed against the wall as he abandoned all softness, the both of you feral over each other, chasing your highs. 
“Tell me how good my cock makes you feel baby” His hand snaked between your bodies, rubbing and teasing your clit, making you nearly sob. 
“S’good Bucky, stretching me, I- fuck m’gonna cum!” 
“Cum my gorgeous girl, CUM”  “JAMES-I-F-FUCK” You clenched around his cock, cumming and squirting around him while he roared, his pace stuttering as he spilled ropes of cum into you. You both held onto each other, moaning and panting as you came down from your orgasm, your body still convulsing feeling his cum drip out of you. 
“Fuck I love you” He panted against your skin, pressing sloppy kisses all over your face. He had a goofy grin, sweeping you into his arms to run you a hot bath. 
(Which was a waste of time, considering he spent the rest of the night with you,  making an utter sticky mess in his bed)
Bonus: The first tattoo (dedicated to you)
Most of Bucky’s body is covered in dark ink, but none of his pieces were done impulsively. Each piece had a meaning behind it, and his latest one was his favorite. 
“Close your eyes baby” He picked you up and placed you on his desk, unbuttoning his shirt while you impatiently waited for him to tell you, you could look. “Alright, open” 
“A fairy?” You gasped, looking at his newest piece, your fingers gently tracing over his chest. Above his heart, was his latest piece, a little fairy reading a book while sitting on the moon. 
“From when I first met you. I thought you were like a little garden fairy” Bucky blushed, kissing your nose. “Could never get enough of you, the only little fairy to think I’m cute” 
Tears stung your eyes, sniffling while he wrapped his arms around you. You smiled against his skin, kissing his chest. 
“You like it baby?” His thumbs swiped across your cheeks, stroking your hair while you nodded, struggling to formulate words. 
“I-I love y-ou” You choked out, hugging him tighter
“I adore you sweet girl, love you to the moon and back”
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moonspirit · 3 days
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can we get some aruani wedding headcanons please 🙏👀
Hello!
But AruAni wedding headcanons 🥺
I like to think that Aruani's "real" wedding, i.e. the one that's not there just for a political display will be a very quiet one with just their closest friends: the Ambassadors + Levi & Co.
Well.... As quiet as it can be, anyway. Jean, Reiner, Connie and Gabi are ready to bring the house down.
It will be a open-air seaside wedding! Either a remote beach or a cliff overlooking the sea, complete with the wind whipping at their clothes and the sea stretching vast and wide, endless to the horizon. Big, beautiful clouds float in the sky, changing colours as the day draws on.
Whether sandy beach or rock-studded grassy cliffside, it means Annie's wedding dress will be short-with the hem somewhere around the calves or below knee-for ease of movement. She's quite happy with that, really. The easier it is to manspread, the better.
But the rest of the dress is a fucking pain in the ass. Stupid strapless bra, stupid underwires, stupid everything. If she could, she'd have gotten married in a hoodie and shorts.
She can't seem to get rid of Hitch and Pieck's fussing over her hair and clothes and pooh-poohs their hard work (secretly she's grateful because she couldn't have done shit on her own).
Meanwhile Armin is a panicky, teary, sobbing MESS.
He's also driving Jean nuts with his fidgeting - everything on his person has to be perfect for Annie! Perfect tie! Perfect suit! Perfect flower-in-pocket thingy! It gets so bad to the point that Mikasa has to tie him up with rope and make him sit still in a corner.
Hitch has also been drinking right from sunrise and shows no signs of stopping. After bothering Annie, she's taken to sitting at a table and admiring everyone that passes by, man or woman. Reiner is very scared of her.
Onyankopon is officiating and he's got the perfect vows ready and whatnot.
Levi doesn't want wine, he wants TEA, and he's satisfied when he's got it. He also watches everyone around him in their suits and dresses, and feels a tad sad that his kids are all so grown up now.
Not very sad when Gabi's cheekily threatening to wheel him into the sea or tip him off the cliff tho. RIP Papa Levi, your parenthood will never cease.
Close to the time of the wedding, Armin's nervous and jumpy in his room, head in his hands and telling himself to calm down. Nobody understands why he's so anxious. (The real reason is because he's minutes away from being called "Annie's Husband" and the poor boy's so happy he's having heart palpitations).
I think there has to be a secret medical team on standby.
Annie, on the other hand, is very quiet in her room, sitting before the mirror. On either side of her are Pieck and Hitch, also quiet after their endless teasing. Annie's dazed. This is really happening? A day has come when she's actually getting married? She didn't even think she'd live this long, but here's a big bouquet in her hand and the dress she's wearing is finely tailored. Pretty. Beautiful.
After a long silence staring at each other through the mirror, the three of them start crying.
But nevermind any of that. The only one doing the real heavy work here is Mikasa, alternating between Armin's room and Annie's, telling them both firmly "You can do this." like it's a mission.
At the flowery arch altar(?) thingy, Armin's ready to receive Annie and so anxious he's sweating bullets.
But when Annie makes her appearance, being walked by Connie (ye, he's the best), there are TWO men who burst into tears. None other than the bridegroom and also Reiner, because he's pathetic and emotional.
It's a bit annoying really.
Also Armin's maybe struggling to breathe. Somebody please check his pulse.
But can anyone really blame him tho? She's BEAUTIFUL!!!!! Outshining the glittering sea.
Not only him tho. The blush on Annie's face is powered by the fucking sun.
And can anyone blame her?! He's DASHING!! It should be criminal for a man to look that good.
(*whispers* she's gonna jump him later in the night before he's even unbuttoned his suit)
When Annie meets Armin at the altar, Mikasa's the one that's the most proud. She's got tears in her eyes. It's a beautiful wedding, and these two are so dreadfully, horribly, terribly in love. There's a small pang of sadness in her but overall, she's incredibly happy for her little brother.
When prompted for the "I do's", Annie's a bit breathless when she says it while Armin's honestly doing his best not to say it before Onyankopon's even asked him.
The kiss is suspiciously too innocent.
Pieck loudly snickers from the back that they shouldn't be anywhere near the newlyweds that night.
The post-wedding shenanigans are insane!!!!!
DANCING AND DRINKING EVERYWHERE!! Best man and Best Woman speeches, plenty of embarrassing flashback stories, plenty of laughter, plenty of everyone getting very pissed off at each other.
If it's by the beach, the boys carry Armin off and throw him into the sea.
The same with Annie tho Mikasa tells her to wear some granny panties in advance. Hitch isn't having any of it. The fuck do you mean granny panties?! Why?! Well, to protect against sand in the coochie ofc. Hitch still won't have it because ugly.
FUCK THE WEDDING SUITS AND DRESSES AND EVERYTHING! ITS TIME TO SPLASH AROUND IN THE WATER!!!!
Everyone is soggy and wet and very hot
The Ackermans too are no match for the waves. SOGGY AND WET AND HAPPY, I TELL YOU!!!!
... Ah, there is a wedding cake.
But Connie mixes up birthday and wedding etiquette and ends up slapping it on Aruani's faces.
Falco accidentally drinks alcohol again and passes out. Why is he always accidentally getting wine in his mouth? Smh.
To be as annoying as possible, everyone keeps Armin and Annie away from each other as best as they can. Not a moment together! CRIMINAL!
When they assemble to take a photo together, the photographer spends at least 20 minutes under the camera cloth ordering adjustments in their positions. It's frustrating. Reiner's boobs are blocking everything else, ugh. Fucking hell, Reiner.
(But when the photo finally comes out, days later, it's so beautiful. All of them, grinning bright and some caught mid-laugh, hair and clothes windblown, flowers in their hands, holding each other close, sunlit and golden and so very happy.)
Well into the night and finally alone at last, Annie finds, that instead of being relieved, she's even MORE annoyed.
Because Armin's being insufferable.
He's all "wife this" and "wife that" and "my beautiful pretty adorable wife" and she's so embarrassed she could just. die.
But no. No die. Only wedding night activities 🌚🌝.
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jjtheresidentbaby · 2 months
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HI HELLO HI HEARTBREAK HIGH AGERE OMG AAHH
do you have any regressor! Ant headcanons? no pressure if you don’t i’ve just kinda fallen in love with the headcanon hehe
- @beaistiny
Little Ant Vaughn headcanons
a/n: do I have regressor ant headcanons?? do I breathe air!! /lh /j also peep the new missy pfp
warnings: !!season 2 spoilers!!, references to bad parenting, drug use, etc (basically just canon stuff)
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his little age can range from baby space to kiddo space, he doesn’t have a preference
baby space usually comes out involuntarily and after something more stressful but can also be used as a way to relax when he needs it
he’s so energetic when in kiddo space oml - always wants to be doing something, playing outside, drawing, dancing, it really doesn’t matter he just wants to be moving and engaging in an activity
to no shock, spider is the first person ant regresses around, back when the trio of ant, spider & dusty was still going strong ant always felt more comfortable with spider so he found it easier to slip around spider
the first time he regressed in front of spider it was not planned and was a bit hectic
spider thought ant was on drugs, ant was overwhelmed as spider desperately tried to “sober him up” by shoving water bottles into his hands and freaking out even more when ant struggled to hold & drink from them (he’s just a lil guy!!)
they figure it out eventually and spider is able to google what age regression is
he might spend too much time on google but sue him that’s his best friend!!
eventually ant becomes more comfortable with his regression and isn’t as secretive about it
dusty is oblivious. but harper & missy & sasha clock him within five seconds
cue three new babysitters!
harper watches over him a lot when she’s dating dusty and then when dusty leaves she keeps up with the schedule
her & spider kind of trade off like divorced parents lol
speaking of ants parents, they suck so bad & he hates being at home in general but especially if he’s regressed
after cash & harper move in together he spends a lot of nights crashing at their place, regressed or not
he has his own designated dresser in Harper’s room, it’s small but holds some extra clothes and any little gear he has
since amerie & malakai are over so much they find out about ants regression and instantly go “omg the babyyyy” and spoil him as much as two broke teenagers can
cash will babysit but he prefers it if darren is at his side while he does, they watch a lot of movies together to avoid any possible chaos without harper or spider around
missy gets back into babysitting regularly when she starts to date spider, they are so good with him & take him on lil kiddo trips
lots of arcade visits, beach trips, going out to get ice cream with some of the others, the aquarium & zoo (which they always invite quinni on)
ant dosent have a lot of little gear but he has some teethers (oral fixation go brr) and fidget toys
stress balls are banned though cause he’ll bite them and pop them open
he has a plethora of fidget spinners and hot wheels and army men that he’s constantly messing around with
he likes things he can easily slip into his pocket and carry around whenever
the sugar tooth this kid has is unmatched
all the candy and sweets are limited when he’s regressed, nobody can really do anything when he’s big tho
loves to make forts in harpers room and set up a mini projector so they can have movie nights
he’s very cuddly in general but especially with harper and spider
spider’s able to carry him around if ant wants and harper is so gentle and soft with him it makes him feel safer than he does with basically anyone else
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ineffectualdemon · 11 months
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I love the things that you learn as a kid only from other children
And some seem largely universal or at least exist across nations
Like the "secret s" you know the one:
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This pointy bitch
Or skipping rhymes or urban legends
But I also love very regional specific ones
I don't know how common this one is but it existed in my elementary school and I have never encountered anyone who didn't go to my elementary school who knows about this:
We had a schedule for the days of the week. Each day had a name and a corresponding action to do.
I will warn you now that Friday is not good. Very misogynistic and upholding everything wrong in the patriarchy. Going to drop it all in a quote box so it's easier to skip Friday
Monday: Men's Day - the boys chased the girls
Tuesday: Toes Day - you had to try to step on people's toes
Wednesday: Woman's Day - the girls chased the boys ...it should be noted that for both this and Monday no one knew what you were supposed to do if you caught someone so if you were going to catch someone you'd generally slow down and let them get away. But at least there was equality in the chasing.
Thursday: Throw Up Day - ....we couldn't come up with a better rhyme but nobody wants to throw up so we just went about the day like it wasn't a special day. If someone did throw up on a Thursday though it was very satisfying
Friday: Flip Up Day - the very problematic day. The boys would try to flip up the skirt of any girl wearing one. Normally this was resolved by not wearing a skirt but 1. That shouldn't have been the solution 2. It didn't always work. Willy in 1st grade tried to flip up my shirt and I punched him.
It was unfortunately a early lesson in slut shaming because we did judge girls who wore skirts to school on Friday. Which ignored the fact that we were all actual children who might not have had control over our own wardrobes (ETA: also of course the girls should just have been able to wear whatever they wanted without having their skirts flipped up obviously. Though it is possible it was originally meant to limit when boys would try. Idk tho. Maybe it was a child version of the purge)
If anyone else grew up with this days of the week schedule at their school I'd love to know about it
Now problematic elements aside I am fascinated that this is something that older children passed down to younger children
This part of the human development of things you only learn from other children is so fascinating to me
Because like as an adult I know how to draw that s shape up above. But I never taught my child and when they came home telling me about the secret s they learned from their friends it filled me with joy
Children's secret mysteries and knowledge is fascinating
And it's fascinating how as parents we leave these things for our kids to learn from other kids to an extent, just like we did
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class-1b-bull · 10 months
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How they act in front of the person they like/have a crush on!
Not proofread we die like men
Awase - he may be very brash and has a foul mouth but bro is silent when his crush is near. He doesn't know how to act lmao. Has probably accidentally reenacted the Mommy? Sorry. Meme
Sen - he tries to act normal but everything he says and does just seems dorkish for some reason lmao. Spent 45 minutes thinking about how his voice cracked when he answered a question
Kamakiri - he yells a little less but thats about it. If anyone asks what he thinks about his crush he will say he hates them (when he doesn't)
Kuroiro - blushing and can barely get a sentence out. Poor dude. He by far becomes like 5x more poetic around his crush
Kendo - starts overthinking every little interaction between her and her crush but she would rather die then let people know shes worrying so much about how they picked up their pen this morning lmaoo
Kodai - she starts doing little insignificant things for them just to make their day a little easier. But for the most part she acts normal
Komori - she always has this big smile when their around <3 she tends to trip up on her words and such while talking to them
Shiozaki - shes always a little more akward and a little less social when theyre around simply because shes nervous of what they think of her ykyk. She definitely puts a little more into how she looks each day when theyre around.
Shishida - for as long as his crush is in japan they will not be allowed to open any doors themselves. Shishida will always be there to do it for them.
Shoda - dude can barely talk to people normally you think he can talk to someone he likes? No. But he does leave nice anonymous notes in your locker for you to find.
Pony - she gets nervous and just starts talking and rambling about who knows what to the point her throat starts to hurt lmao.
Tsubaraba - he immediately becomes 20x dummer when his crush is nearby and what makes it worse is he will do crazy shit to try and impress them but it always backfires.
Tetsutetsu - hes constantly trying to prove to his crush how manly he is. Its at the point where if he finds a jar thats a little too hard to open he has to wait til they are in the room until he can open it.
Tokage - she tries to stay her usual social and outgoing self but she does get a little self conscious when theyre around. Shes worried they dont like her for who knows why
Manga - other than trying to make his crush laugh a little more each day he tends to draw them a lot. (He would probably die of embarrassment if he showed them the pictures tho.)
Honenuki - hes the only one here that stays 100% normal honestly. No one would be able to tell he likes someone unless he straight up told them.
Bondo - poor dude freezes up completely when his crush is near. While some of the others are worried that their crush doesnt like them hes worried that his crush thinks bondo hates them because of how he freezes up and such
Monoma - he is meanly nice to them. He would walk up to his crush after training or something and say 'bakugous incompetence is the only reason your stupidly brilliant plan worked. So good job reading his inability to see past your tricks' or whatever
Reiko - if she has a crush on someone she tries to avoid them at all costs lmao. After a few weeks she will slowly approach them and try to start a conversation but it doesnt turn out well
Rin - bros biggest fear is accidentally saying something that makes him sound stupid honestly. He works hard to be a hero and he wants to show it off it front of his crush but at the same time he doesnt want to seem bitchy yk?
I rlly loved this interaction between them its just so shcustelfbdmkdidsndkfksh <3<3<3<3<3
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Did I ever tell yall about my mother's habit of sitting me down once a month to have a Serious Developmentally Appropriate and Relevant Conversation? They started when I was about 5, and continued until I was 17 (with some inconsistencies when the two of us were on the outs), and we talked about SO many things. We had the same conversations multiple times at different levels of depth, complexity, and nuance too, which was a really cool way for me to learn what it feels like for knowledge to be inherently cumulative in nature. I feel like that's part of what has made me as curious, as prone towards positive change over time, and as analytical as I typically am.
Anyway, these conversations were all about important life issues. Body health, drugs, sex, relationship dynamics and boundaries, the different ways people harm other people and what it could look like to react to that, racism, gender, war, death, sexuality, capitalism, surbival resource obtainment, sexism, ablism (although I don't know my mother called it this at the time), etc. My mom's general approach to "risky" information with me was essentially "you're going to find out eventually, whether I try to intervene in that or not. I'd rather your first awareness of these things come from me so it's easier for you to recognize when someone is selling you a load of bullshit." My mom and I have a lot of very different ideas of what it should look like to be a parent, but this was absolutely something I think she did right. She was frank and open, she never made me feel like a question or tooic or even certain words were dangerous or "wrong", and she was careful to scale her approach to the conversation in relation to my own emotional and psychological development. I still actually remember a lot of these conversations, tho of course some stand out better than others.
It took a while of me percolating on our conversation about war and intercommunal conflict before I asked her why people fight in wars if they're so awful for everyone involved. She explained a few different reasons, and things that might draw a person to this one or that one, while acknowledging opposing logic where she could.
Then she describes to me the draft. The act of a political entity compelling its own people to put their lives in harm's way for political interests or assets. She explained different ways the draft might work, and different kinds of people who might or might not get drafted. And then, she says,
"Not everyone obeys when they're called up." She watched me very carefully whenever she was using my reactions to gauge her next words. "In fact, several people in our family have refused to be drafted. Some because of their beliefs, some because of their circumstances. A lot of people do. It's called draft dodging."
See, my grandma was born in 1931. She spent most of her and her brothers' childhoods growing up in the place where her father's family had lived since about the 1500s, up in the Virginia Appalachians. But then Pearl Harbor was bombed, the USA joined world war 2, and a draft came up. It'd been calling up so many of the local men who simply. Did not come home. My grandma's parents knew that the family absolutely would not be okay without her father for any significant length of time, let alone forever. Her mother, Josephine, was visibly brown skinned and a first generation orphan immigrant who had already raised her own siblings by the time they'd eloped at 17. It wasn't that she wasn't capable, it was that she didn't have the bandwidth for any new traumas. They didn't trust that she could hold herself together for their kids and her siblings if she lost the one person who made her feel safe. (Ultimately her husband did die young, several decades before Josephine, but after all the children were grown and married. As expected, she did not take it well, and lived with my uncle for the rest of her life grieving)
So when his number came up, he dodged the draft. Sold everything the family had, packed them all into the car, and fled the state. (Apparently a Canadian radio jockey bought the family land back in the 90s and was incredibly frustrated that he couldn't convince the people in town to start calling it after his name instead of my family name lmao) My family was lucky. They had the resources to do this, and to arrange an exemption when they arrived in their new home. Not everyone manages that. And the alternatives can sometimes be a lot more impactful than "just" blowing up your entire life. Jail time, bodily harm, communal rejection, even death. It depends on your circumstances.
And yet people ALWAYS do it. They dodge the draft, or they go AWOL, or they find SOME way to stay out of the war machine. There will ALWAYS be people who choose and prioritize saving lives and denying a war more cannon fodder.
I think about this a lot when I hear about military, militia, or otherwise militarized organizational violence and human rights abuses. I think about the way humans tend to chafe at being denied their autonomy. How in intense hierarchies, people who are belittled by their higher-ups may often lash out at those they are above when they feel a compulsion to re-exert control. I think about the history of asymmetrical warfare, and what we know about what soldiers tend to do in those environments.
And at the end of the day, I think about how when these things happen, when they KEEP happening. Everyone has the choice to refuse. There have always been people who make that choice, even under the worst of consequences.
So what makes the difference between a person who refuses to supply the state with more power to exert violence with, and the person who complies?
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wachtelspinat · 1 year
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I've been in a rut as of late, and I really want to get better at form and anatomy. Your style is one of my favorite ones ever, what would you say were your biggest inspirations throughout the years?
hey, first of all i’m so very sorry for the late reply. hope you get to see this still since it’s been a while since you sent this ask... sorry
secondly, thanks a lot! i try to give some insights here, this question's always kinda hard for me to tackle because i'm having a hard time identifying my style and what makes it tick, idk... i guess it's a combination out of everything i like, starting from the artstyle of tf2 to various styles of my mutuals and people around here (but i think tf2, wanting to draw humans ever since i first laid eyes on tf2 and the cartoony artstyle of it all are my major fuels, ngl). 
as for anatomy and form: this is a matter i just recently pushed myself into because i felt really stuck in my ways. like... i never really did studies in my life, so when i wanted to draw i kind of had to count on it to ‘just work’, idk if this makes sense... i always felt like i didn’t actually know what i was doing there, and i worked with ref a lot (i would always recommend using ref, no matter what, what i want to say is that i realized i had not enough fundament to truly fool around in the way i liked to). and now that i started actually doing anatomy studies i feel so dumb because yeah. it IS making things easier x) i understand tho that for most it’s a motivational issue... you have to find a way to make it work for you. like doing studies, but implementing what you learned into a sketch of your blorbo, as an example.
as for resources, it’s hard to find good tutorials, mostly because the place is flooded with art bros trying to tell you “you don’t NEED anatomy and here is why” and then they make a sketch and you can SEE that they put SO MUCH ANATOMICAL KNOWLEDGE INTO IT. so there’s a lot of bs out there. there is good stuff out there tho, but it might take you a while to find what’s best suited for you. i could make a list of yt channels that really helped me but the thing is, everyone is at their own lvl and with different goals in mind, so i don’t think this would be very helpful.
what i can link you to tho are 2 videos that really opened my eyes in regards of a) finding your style and b) getting better at drawing a certain topic.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SLfH9yOGs3o - this video tackles the whole ‘finding your style’ topic. because i often give the tip that you don’t find your style, style finds you (and i still think that is in its regards correct, because you just get subconsciously influenced by the media you consume and like and your fave artists’ style’s if you really dig them) but the ability to actively WORK on your style is there. it’s just something you have to put a lot of work into. but we’ll never stop learning, so there’s that. (she describes it with her landscape drawings but really this works for anything... from dynamic linework to just trying to find the right energy in your pictures)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k0ufz75UvHs - this one really helped me getting over my fear of ‘drawing something ugly’ (big words from someone drawing ugly men as a hobby) but hear me out... because i have a weird brain that makes me recoil from something my mind thinks is ‘imperfect’ i really often get stuck with my art and either don’t experiment at all or get stuck with a sketch and spending hours on it trying to fix it... so approaching this matter like the video described just... melted that away. because when you draw 20 faces a day just telling yourself “NOBODY will EVER see this” you start loosening up... or at least i did. it’s also good for an analytical brain or people who strongly lean into that. this approach was especially nice while being stuck in an artblock... because i could easily just fool around and it kind of changed how i see doing art... like... nothing is ever perfect so i don’t have to make it perfect, i can analyze my art through a more neutral lense than my emotional attachment to it now... does that make sense?
last but not least, there are a ton of good resources out there for anatomical studies, my fave is still “anatomy for sculptors, understanding the human figure” by uldis zarins sandis kondrats.
SORRY THIS GOT A BIT LONGER BUT i put A LOT of thought into this as of late so yeah... maybe it’s gonna help someone too
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ouroboros-hideout · 6 months
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OC INTERVIEW
Thanks for tagging me @chevvy-yates! 💚
Decided to do this with one of the OCs for my fic I kind of introduced a while ago. Hopefully will give me some motivation to work further on it. Sadly hadn't have the time do draw her yet (sad noises no PC no mods for me). Regular character creation wasn't even close on how I want her to look. So no piccy yet :(
Really like your idea of letting the oc answer some questions directly. Will do that aswell.
Note: Not all answers don't fit 100% anymore cause I developed her further since I did this Interview
NAME?
"Alyona Petrova."
She actually gets kinda mad if people call her by her full name. She has a difficult relationship with her family and wants to leave everything about them in the past. Therefore she chose a short nickname through which she can identify herself better. Besides, in her business it is better not to mention official names and go with an alias.
_____
NICKNAME?
"Aon. I prefer that."
It's pronounced like A-On.
_____
GENDER?
Cis Female
_____
STAR SIGN?
"I won't tell you my birthday. And all of this astro-shit is a waste of time anyway."
Would say she's a Capricorn? Don't know much about astrology tho :/
_____
HEIGHT?
"1,70 m. Pretty average. Like those questions."
Her size and figure allows her to fit into fairly narrow and tight spaces. Unlike many of her workers, mainly large men with big muscles, she has the advantage in the construction and assembly of complex machines.
_____
ORIENTATION?
Hetero
She and Kurt have thing going on no one else knows about. So never ask her about anything pointing in that direction. Since they don't see each other that often in person things can go... out of hand. And she would be embarrassed if someone knew about that since their friendship can be described as very strong, but is also characterized by a lot of teasing and professional distance if you look at it from the outside.
_____
FAVORITE FRUIT?
"Fruits are plants, right. Tobacco is a plant, too. Does that count? Tzz.. I don't know. I like to put frozen berries in my drink sometimes. So berries then."
She has a smoking problem. Not like chain smoking, but on a regular base. Alcohol, on the other hand, is really more for her to enjoy. Frozen fruits in drinks instead of ice cubes is a life hack tho.
_____
FAVORITE SEASON?
"Doesn't really matter, as long it's not too warm. I can't stand a lot of heat. If possible I'll always sent some of my workers for jobs in the warmer regions. Of course only if they are capable of doing the job."
Most of the work is done in her workshop in Russia anyway, but occasionally it is easier or more efficient to work on site with her clients. If possible, she always tries to avoid this.
_____
FAVORITE FLOWER?
"Pfff.. I don't care. Some of them are pretty, sure. But if you want to impress me, give me something usefull and not some plant that'll die within a few days anyway."
_____
FAVORITE SCENT?
"The scent in my workshop. Thick oil, warm metal, rubbery, a hint of CHOOH2, a little dust in the air. The fresh and cold air outside, after a long day of work is really refreshing, but I wouldn't want to miss that smell."
You know that smell when you enter a car workshop? That.
_____
COFFEE OR TEA?
"Coffee. If I want to drink water I prefer it cold. And without taste. Something stronger would be even better."
_____
AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP?
"I try to stick to a good routine. 6-7 hours. My people say I'm even more unbearable when I don't get a good night's sleep. And I can't stand a bad mood at work. Please kill me if I have a jetleg. That's the worst."
She's a very disciplined person.
_____
DOG OR CAT PERSON?
"Cats. Dogs are fucking exhausting. They want your attention all the time and can't handle themselves for longer than a few hours. I had a cat at the workshop once. He catched his own food, he got out of my way, came for a pet now and then. His name was Bill."
She always teases Kurt that cats are so much better than dogs.
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DREAM TRIP?
"I have been all around the globe and nothing really sparked that much joy yet. But I don't have time for vacation or silly little trips anyway. I like my home. Why go anywhere else."
There are place she hasn't been too obviously but like she said: she rather stays at home if she has some free time and pursues her interests or just rests.
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FAVORITE FICTIONAL CHARACTER?
"Beatrix Kiddo. When I was a child my mother moved in with a man she liked. Different story, won't tell that now. I never liked the capital or big cities in general, but there was a little thrift shop at the corner of the house we lived in. The owner, a really old but really sweet man showed me his age old collection of movies. VHS, DVDs, bet no one these days will remember what those are. I came there once a week and we watched a movie togehter after he closed the store. He was such a big nerd. Tarantinos movies where my favorite. Probably not the kind of stories you should show to a child but I loved it. Kiddo is a badass women and I always wanted to become strong and fierce like her."
Who doesn't like Tarantino?
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NUMBER OF BLANKETS YOU SLEEP WITH?
"One...? What kind of stupid question is that?"
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RANDOM FACT?
Besides forging knives she recently started getting into distilling her own spirits. She came up with a decent gin and will refine the recipe.
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No pressure Tags. If you see this and I didn't tag you feel free to do it anyway if you like.
@cybervesna @cyberholic77 @olath124 @dustymagpie @aggravateddurian @theviridianbunny @bumble-v @pacificaisstillpacifica @wanderingaldecaldo @streetkid-named-desire
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courtofmatchups · 3 months
Note
hello, i’d like to request an obey me matchup if thats okay <3
my name is bee, i’m an infp, aries, lesbian (okay with fictional men tho 🤭) and use she/they pronouns
personality: i’m very introverted, shy, and soft spoken, but with people i’m very comfortable with i tend to be a bit silly and say whatever i’m thinking. i’ve been told i’m quick with witty responses. i rarely get angry and try my best to be patient and understanding with the people around me, looking for the good in everyone i meet. due to my adhd i tend to space out a lot and forget what i’m saying easily, but i’d like to think all of that daydreaming has turned me into a creative person. art and drawing has been a huge passion of mine for as long as i can remember, and i specialize in pen and ink drawings. i’m currently working as a barista, but i plan to go back to school in the future to study art. i mainly express my love through gift giving and acts of service, and i prefer to receive words of affirmation and physical touch.
hobbies/interests: drawing, napping, gaming, horror (books, movies, games), lovecraftian/cosmic horror, bloodborne, souls series, elder scrolls, dark fantasy, history, historical dramas, metal music, annoying the shit out of people by telling them bloodborne lore
some of my favorite things: sunflowers, soft things, plushies, pens, naps on rainy days, soft lighting, electric wizard, garfield, sleeping in, cats, frogs, opossums, strawberry lemonade, doom metal, pompompurin
dislikes: loud noises, bright lights, and strong smells (they trigger my migraines), crowds, tomatoes, hot weather, spiders, opening shifts, acrylic paint, neon colors
appearance/aesthetic: 5’6, a little curvy, soft features, blue eyes, short and shaggy burgundy (dyed) hair, septum piercing, faint freckles. i usually wear grunge fairycore outfits, long skirts, lots of rings, crystal necklaces, and a little bit of makeup. at work my style leans more towards dark academia if i’m not feeling lazy in the morning. i mainly wear my doc martens everywhere as well. (easier to deal with if i accidentally spill at work.)
a few characters i relate to: sawako (kimi ni todoke) nell (haunting of hill house) kisa (fruits basket) asa (chainsaw man) lady maria (bloodborne)
i apologize if this is unorganized. have a lovely day! <3
It seems to me you've captured the heart of...
The Avatar of Lust
Asmodeus!
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"What a cutie!" - Asmodeus
Asmo loves seeing your silly side and he will never tire of seeing you go from shy and soft spoken to outgoing. And your quick witted responses are good enough to give Satan and Belphie a run for their money. Like you, Asmo likes to find the beauty in everyone and everything, and there is just so much to admire about you. Your creativity is one of them. He appreciates that you like him for him.
If there is ever a time your mind wanders, he'll be there to get your mind back on track. ADHD can be a struggle to live with, especially since the world seems to be against you, but Asmo's here to support you, and cheer you on. He enjoys your artwork, and he appreciates the work you put into your work as a barista, and will support you all the way: before art school, during art school, and after art school.
Asmo's heard plenty of Levi's infodumping on his interests, so he's quite used to this kind of thing, and with you, he'd look forward to it. And seeing that you're into horror, he'd find an excuse to cling to you when something scary pops up.
A lot of your interests lines up with his, so that's also a plus. He'd love to take you shopping for clothes and accessories. And don't worry if you get overwhelmed by the environment, he'll get you out of there.
Overall, a happy relationship
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tuesday again 3/21/2023
i didn't want to sit down and write this bc i was having too much fun playing viddy gaem
listening
IT'S QUICKER AND EASIER TO EAT YOUR YOUNG!!!
"i'm starving...darling,,," is very sexy but the way the lyrics slowly slide into something more and more horrifying until the chorus hits??? mwah. lovely.
my one critique is that this song is...breathy, for lack of a better word? does not showcase the man's magnificent pipes. oh well! there are other songs.
youtube
how'd i find this: im gay, also he is one of the most popular indie artists in the World. his first album went platinum six fucking times.
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reading
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i read all of frank miller's sin city bc im on a noir kick and i didn't have a good time. the closest i got to fun was (deadly little, always described as "deadly little") Miho, a mute japanese??? generic asian??? assassin who is tits out not in these panels but in almost all others, rollerblading around mowing down guys with her katana. that was a painful sentence to write.
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i read a lot of genre fiction. i read a lot of older genre fiction. they are not written with me, a bisexual "woman", in mind. and that’s ok bc not everything has to be written with me in mind. rarely have i read something that is more For The Boys Only!!! than frank miller’s sin city. felt kind of gross and a little put off the whole time i read these and they made me a little bit upset and afraid of men in a way i have not felt since high school. now it does feel odd to go “i didn’t think this noir was very pleasant >:(“ but miller’s work feels unpleasant and distinct from, say, chandler or hammett in a way i am still having trouble articulating. it is possible that the misogyny in chandler is a flavor i already know and barely register the taste of anymore. it may be that i got tired of looking at miller's women with twelve-inch waists and nipples as full and perky as their mouths.
mostly i think the labor market in sin city is super fucked up. women in sin city exist to have their value extracted from them in a way that is different and worse than normal capitalism. like, i can see how someone would read these comics and go full SWERF. women are literal trophies, both arm candy and in a very upsetting trophy hunting way. especially in the final volume, women are machines of potential profit. aside from one landlady and one cop and one child who grows up to be a prostitute, all the women in this whole city seem to be prostitutes or prostitutes who have married up and out. like there aren’t really even any women on the street just walking or in diners. it’s all dudes.
this is probably a comics vs novels thing, but miller is often sadistic in a way that chandler is not. a guy dies on a page to make cool art. they fuckin mow through dozens of goons a volume. if a guy dies in chandler it’s usually bc chandler's philip marlowe has stumbled across a dead body accident and it becomes a tremendous pain in order to tip off the cops that a body needs retrieving without getting framed for the kill. marlowe (and by extension chandler) is a people person-- he is a detective bc he likes figuring out what makes people tick. he is alert and it's hard to get one over on him but his resting state is congenial. despite his job, he still does believe in the concept of justice.
sin city (more of a comment than a question) says "if people piss you off you should kill them." this is not to make light of the very real Situations that protagonists in sin city find themselves, but there are very few problem solving skills on display other than "apply dick" or "apply gun". VERY RARELY, "apply pussy". that last one almost never works out tho.
aside from All That, it does contain some of the best straight up art (not just comics art) ive ever seen. the command of light and shadow is incredible. the command of negative space is incredible. panels aren’t busy unless they’re showing the chaos of a scene. he doesn't draw every single brick bc that's not important to the scene. it’s really quite stunning.
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also the MOVEMENT in this fringe is incredible. do u see what i mean about the nipples tho
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watching
i gotta lotta fuckin bones to pick with the manda/lorian but they're all spoilery. this shit fucking sucks man. it's twenty fucking twenty three we have had well over a century to master storytelling through the art of the moving image.
all three eps so far have felt very weirdly edited-- like a lot of changes happened after filming and there wasn't enough time for pickups?? this is a gajillion dollar show just reshoot some shit on your little fake stage i am Begging you. at least bo-katan looked hot. god she's awful i love her
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again again i say to ye, what if star wars was good? i am slightly terrified that andor may have ruined me for any s/tar wars that follows but by any metric these first three s3 mando eps are simply not good television.
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playing
ty @pasta-pardner for gifting me Weird West some weeks ago bc it is the new thing i am obsessed with. this first trailer gives a better sense of the Vibes than the launch trailers imo
youtube
i find it is scratching a lot of the rpg itches that new vegas does: you wander around beautiful western settings running into weird shit, followed around by a hot butch you've recruited to your cause. unlike new vegas, it is a little less forgiving and you have to really scrap and loot everything that isn't nailed down.
this is a top-down action rpg with a weird little aiming system that is sort of a 3D twinstick? it takes some getting used to, and shooting is not the part of any game i am particularly good at. here's xbox wire's screenshot, which gives a good idea of how isometric it is and what enemy detection looks like. i do wish i could expand the minimap, bc some of the locations like mines or bigger towns can really sprawl.
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i have one big annoyance bc it is a thing that made me take a break and sulk for a bit: as you're traveling across the map (not open world, location-based), you can run into Travel Encounters. you can decline to engage with some of them. you cannot save within or between the encounters unless you stop and make camp. if you're on a long journey to a different corner of the map, you might run into three Travel Encounters. if you die on the third, you are catapulted back to your starting point. this is tremendously annoying in the early game, so either take short trips or get good at about-facing and exiting areas quickly.
a writer i admire likes games that let him tell stories about what happened in the game to other people-- this is a game that very much facilitates that. i was ambushed during a Travel Encounter by the some outlaws, bc i accidentally let one escape while i was trying to collect a bounty on his boss, and that specific named grunt came back with a Vendetta. but! i met a dying outlaw from the band who kidnapped my character's husband in a different second encounter, swapped some bandages for a treasure map, and he is now a Friend for Life. so he showed back up to help me during that ambush AGAINST FELLOW OUTLAWS WHO SEEM TO HAVE SOME SORT OF MEMORANDUM OF UNDERSTANDING??? mWAH. DELICIOUS. LOVE SYSTEMS INTEROPERATING.
ive put like six hours into this, and it has five chapters with five different characters. i have not progressed past the first chapter bc i am having so much fun poking around. i am so so so grateful that the first character is a wife seeking revenge and not the other way around. ppl are throwing big baby tantrums in the steam forums about this but you know what? some husbands should be macguffins sometimes. widens their perspective.
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i am fascinated by the drips and drabs of lore this game is feeding me. there's an order of witches with huge underground temples that (crucially!) they did not build, but have adopted for their own uses without really understanding who built them and why. i want to know so much more about their whole shit. there are werewolves but idk what their deal is bc i haven't met any yet.
i am a simple woman! i only demand perfect cowboy western-flavored rpgs and so far this is holding up. i will have more thoughts as i go along but goddamn is it fun to play. we truly do love a competent little rpg with interesting lore and good stealth mechanics that lets you loot everything in sight.
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making
mostly fallow week, wrists hurty
made this tuna-chickpea salad for lunch. it is quite rich for a lunch. there are a lot of components that may be challenging to digest all together for a milennial with tummy troubles.
this would have definitely been improved by solid instead of cheap chunk tuna (or salmon. this would be great with canned salmon) and if i actually chopped the baby spinach instead of going "it's fine" and flinging it all in. or maybe wilting the spinach, but that's a lot of extra work and this would be a very warm, wet salad :/ the point is the chickpeas really want to sink to the bottom. i like that there is no cooking involved, only assembling, but realistically i have only half of these ingredients in my house at any given time. screengrabs from the site bc i paid a dollar but there's no reason you have to
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tsintotwo · 2 years
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(Part 4/4)
(Earlier: Parts 1, 2, and 3)
Okay, finally getting to the 4th and last post talking about Tom Sturridge in his projects. There's not too much left to say as these are mostly cameos.
Vanity Fair (2004)- This was the first movie Tom was in as a grownup (edit: nope, this was the 2nd)- in period clothing (and looking like a million bucks, as you would suspect). Screentime: 2min. You can tell he's still finding his footing in all this. But he's got the it factor already.
Journey's End (2017)- Movie about Brit soldiers stuck in trenches waiting for death during WW2. Sam Claffin and Paul Bettany are in this and I recognized neither before seeing credits 🤦‍♀️ Anyway, Tom plays a bad soldier: drinks and girls are his forte, fighting- not so much. His character is in this movie to basically show the bone-chilling, hope-crushing, cruelly pointless side of wars. He uses his 3/4 scenes to drive that point home like a master. There's one super emotionally charged scene with Sam that sears into the mind- they both absolutely chew it up.
Song to Song (2017)- Tom being in this movie is just the most RANDOM thing in the world, guys. Song to Song is about the music industry and rockstar life, and Tom shows up for like 2mins to play Ryan Gosling's hometown farmland brother of all things??? Wut. 2 lines of dialogue. Cute hair, tho. Cute everything.
Hello Apartment (2018)- Slice-of-life short film about how we all leave our mark in the spaces we move through. Dakota Fanning made this and asked Tom to be in it- they've been friends since doing Effie Gray. Tom is MC's stormy bf- a bit of kissing, a bit of pouting, a bit of shouting. Worth it. (Aside: some STUNNING shots in this, kudos to Dakota). This is on youtube.
That's it, actually. Only movie of Tom's I haven't gotten to is Junkhearts (2011). It's on Amazon Prime for $4 which is worth it, but it seems like an intense movie and I'll take a break before trying to watch this one.
A significant part of Tom's career has been theater work. From what I've gathered, seems like he's done some phenomenal work there- both in UK and US. Got cool awards and noms. Of course, if your play isn't Hamilton, it doesn't get to be on any screen, so there's no way to see any of those now. The one I'm most gutted about is 1984 (2017) on Broadway. I love the og classic by George Orwell, and by all accounts this adaptation/interpretation was banging (AND controversial!). Tom playing a role like Winston Smith... I'd have loved it so fuckin much * screaming-into-pillow break*
How does Tom choose his projects?
"The first thing I’m drawn to is a piece of writing, to an author, to a director. Weirdly, it’s rarely a character. I want to work with people or with texts that push me and make me learn things that I think I can’t do. Because if I think I can do it, then I can’t surprise myself. And if I can’t surprise myself, then I’m definitely not going to surprise an audience." -Tom for Interview magazine, 2022
Why does he often do troubles characters?
"... I think what I’m attracted to is being able to explore a spectrum of emotion. It’s easier to find comedy in something sad than it is to find darkness in something funny. I can be all kinds of people when the darkness is there. Also, the first character I ever played onstage was a boy who murders all of his schoolmates [in Punk Rock]. I do think there’s something to be said by, “You get stuck in a gorge that you start with.” People have always gone, “Oh, yeah. He’s the fucked-up guy.” - same
Here's something about me: I love falling in love with men on silver screen. It's the only space where it's okay to be in love with a version of someone you made in your head because you're not going to know any other version. The only space you get to channel your feelings six ways to Sunday: write posts, write stories, draw, make any art- people will actually celebrate those (whereas try talking to your friend about a new irl crush for five days straight, on the sixth they'll smack you upside your head). The feelings are intense because these men are deliberately performing for you, the emotions forever unsullied because they're not gonna come hurt you (unless they're being cancelled lol). And they're all the finest specimens! So, yeah, I love it, and it happens periodically. What's rarer, tho, is that I get attracted to an actor's whole personality. I mean, like, all of these hot men are hella charming, and you can yassify almost anyone based on interview moments. But, idk, it doesn't always click with me, and I love a character, ship a couple, then move on. Tom, tho, is going to be one of those 2/3 permanent ones. I just find him interesting which to me, is the thing. (And also, he turned out to be one of those rare people in life who lets you know things about yourself that you didn't know before. Huh. Who knew?) And yeah, okay, he's very hot and insanely talented which started this whole intense phase but while this won't last, a genuine fondness and love will. He has a place in my heart forever. It's been such a good time discovering him that I'm legit grateful to the universe.
I'll do a bonus post with links to Tom interviews/vids/ stuff that are worth checking out. Until then, guys.
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otakween · 4 months
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Zero Men - Volume 1
Now that I've finished 0-Sen Hayato, this manga was next on the list, another oldie. At least this time it's by the Godfather of all manga, Osamu Tezuka. I think this is his first work I've ever read??? Apparently no one cares about it because there's very little English material on it. Oh well, the main character is cute!
Ch. 1
Omg I'm loving this so far! The art is so dynamic and cute and the dialogue is really colorful too. The protagonist Ricky is adorable ;w; I love his tail.
That was a pretty badass and hilarious opening with the two soldiers fighting a pointless war while also low key bonding over a baby they saved.
Ricky crying when his dad told him his tail was something to be ashamed of broke my damn heart! Glad the dad isn't fully evil though. Just misguided...
Kind of weird that the dad is like "I swear I'll find you a doctor!" Like dude...you've had many years to do that and it probably would have been easier when the kid was an infant.
Ch. 2
Obvious parental death is obvious. Ricky sure got over it quick lol.
So, so far we know that 0 men can survive extreme temperatures, are really fast learners, and have great agility. I think this is an Elfen Lied scenario where they're supposed to be "evolved humans." Making them squirrel like was kind of a weird choice but oh well.
The professor's design where he basically just has a cloud for a head reminds me of Dr. Uranus from Cyborg 009. Peak old dude character design lol.
Losing one dad and then instantly meeting your real dad is pretty wild. The emotional whiplash made it all feel kind of rushed and silly. It's nice that Ricky doesn't feel like a freak anymore tho. Kind of an ugly duckling story.
Ch. 3
Woah, suddenly the story gets very different. Forget the evil scientists, it's time for robot demons apparently! New bad guys are Enma (Buddhist God of Hell) and Satan. Fun for the whole family!
Enma kinda looks like one of the guards from Squid Game lol, simple but menacing
The scene where Enma and Satan make an entire lighthouse disappear and the keep jumps out to save his life was effectively frightening. I wonder if that guy will come back as a witness?
All of Tokyo is ripped apart and put back together in like an hour and everyone just shrugs it off!? I know Japanese people can be complacent, but not THAT complacent!
This chapter felt like an anti-communist message with every house being exactly the same but "something's missing." I googled it and apparently Tezuka was a communist, but only for a short time before he changed his tune, so it's still possible that's what he was going for.
Ch. 4
So apparently the professor is a good guy now (despite first impressions) as he teams up with Ricky to investigate Enma.
We learn that 0-men are closer biologically to squirrels than they are to humans...riiight. The adults definitely looked more squirrel-like at least.
Pretty savage of the professor to shoot up his friend with a gun to "check if he's human" (including a shot to the head!?) Reminds me of the original Stepford Wives when the MC stabs her friend in the crotch.
The way Tezuka draws the prime minister feels very Looney Tunes. He's very rubbery.
Ch. 5
This manga is very text heavy so the average chapter takes me a bit to get through. Luckily, the Japanese has been very easy so far! (Rare for an older manga...)
Ricky and the Professor escape the clutches of King Enma who was planning to kill them if they didn't reveal the whereabouts of the 0 men. They end up in the forest where Ricky finds his mom and dad again. They ask Ricky to return to their country with them but he turns them down because he's vowed to be an "ally of humanity."
I can see why King Enma wears a mask...he's pretty dweeby looking under there. I like his mad scientist hair though. The fact that his face is a little disfigured gives Darth Vader vibes.
Ch. 6
Ricky and the professor try to alert the public about King Enma's take over. People start to be swayed, but then Enma just kills anyone who tries to join the resistance, so they don't get very far. By the end of the chapter Ricky is captured again by another power hungry person after the 0 men. Gdi Ricky...
I know it's for plot convenience but Ricky's tail pops out so easily that you'd think they'd come up with a better strategy for hiding it than stuffing it into his pants by now.
Ch. 7
Ricky splits up from the professor and finds himself captive on a boat. His 0 men parents come to save the day (apparently this was like a 0 men slave ship) and they knock out their captors.
Ricky just did a dramatic goodbye to his parents in chapter 6 and now he's back with them again? Make up your mind, story!
I was proud that I was able to read the kanji 船長. The videos I've watched of Marine-Senchou (vtuber) helped me out with that one.
We end the chapter in the jungle of the Himalayas. Maybe we'll learn more about 0 man culture?
Ch. 8
Uhhh wtf!? Ricky's dad just dies in an avalanche and they're like "meh, whatever!" Seriously Ricky and his mom recovered from that way too quickly. He might not really be dead, but they believe he is!!
It was cool seeing how the 0 men have been evading humans by living in a place that's only reachable by their species. That felt believable. I bet their land is nicer than the weird place Ricky was living before anyways. No dictators (I hope lol)
Ch. 9
Lol my previous statement was immediately proven wrong in this chapter. Ricky basically went from living in 1984 to Brave New World. I quickly went from enjoying learning about 0 men culture to being like...oh...that's not good.
Kind of confusing that Ricky's mom would intentionally bring her son into this world if she knew how messed up it was? She even is like "here's our apartment where we'll live as a big happy family" but then Ricky learns that kids are separated from their parents super early in this world and sent to live in a children's village. Like...did she not think of that??
Why was chapter 9 like 3 times longer than chapter 8? Well, I've been enjoying the kanji reading challenge. This manga has no furigana...
Ch. 10
Man this story is cyclical. They escape, they get captured, they escape, they get captured. Tezuka also seems to have ditched who I thought was the main villain for now. Will this whole thing be episodic or will we get a real plot?
They come across some yeti in their travels who say "yeti yeti" like Pokémon lol. I wouldn't mind seeing them make friends with all the cryptids, but the visit was very short.
Ricky's mom asking him to shoot her tail off with a gun was pretty dark. It does seem like it would make their lives a lot easier to remove their tails (in hopefully a less painful way), but I guess it's the principle of it.
Dude at they end looked like a Cyborg 009 character with his giant buttons and fancy hair haha.
Ch. 11
And just like that we gain another random party member (and Ricky's mom gains her 2nd adopted son in like 2 chapters). Ricky and Pete bond over their daddy issues.
I was wrong, they did bring Enma back. He reveals that his new, Communist version of Tokyo was inspired by the 0 man way of living, so I guess that explains that.
Like I said, we're going in circles here. Now we're back to looking for the professor Ricky befriended in earlier chapters. After the gang finds a safe place to live, then what? Are they going to save the world from oppressive regimes? Is the goal to just be a normal, happy family?
Ch. 12
So apparently the professor they eventually find is some kind of fake (even though he passed Ricky's needle test). Can Tezuka decide if this dude is a good guy or a bad guy already!?
Kinda funny how when they found a safe place to hide out they're like "now let's confront the evil people!" Like...weren't you running to hide from the evil people? Well I guess heroes gotta hero.
Ch. 13
So now it's doomsday via Mt. Fuji erupting. Although the gang succeeded in destroying Satan's clone factory, they now need to worry about the fate of humanity.
The version of this that I got from Bookwalker is 4 volumes but MAL has it at 7 volumes, so this must be an omnibus. I wonder where the original volume 1 cut off?
That first volume was kind of all over the place. The plot progression didn't feel all that natural, but I think this was one of those stories that was supposed to be a one-off and then got expanded, so whatever. Let's see where things go in volume 2...
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menalez · 1 year
Note
Do you recommend anything for helping with internalized homophobia? Today I added the title of a folder "lesbian pride" and realised how much it scares me to actually call myself a lesbian. What if I'm bi??? Honestly one of the biggest intrusive thoughts whenever I even just wanna write "I'm a lesbian" because I used to id as bi, I rlly thought I was at first. Then I realised how much I don't actually like men. But it's weird because penis drawings don't irck me, so wtf. The thought of being with a real breathing man does though, that sounds awful.
But the problem is that I'm still young. I've been with nobody yet!!! I'm 18 tho, so not THAT young, yet what if I somehow fall for a man in the future, I just...
Maybe it sounds messed up, but I don't wanna suffer discrimination for it to be 'my fault' (not as in, I or any gay person deserves it, but in the way of making it more difficult for myself by myself) in the end. And more than anything, I'd also hate to prove homophobic relatives and people right.
For these reasons I don't call myself a lesbian. Nor do I call myself bi because it doesn't feel right. I just try to avoid refering to myself as a lesbian and write instead "I love women" or "I only love women" or "as someone who loves women"...
I don't want to do that though, I just want to get rid of this uncertainty and like. Stop feeling embarassed/afraid about it or whatever. I can't identify the feeling well.
being comfortable with calling yourself a lesbian or bisexual or whatever it is that you are often takes time and patience from my experience. when i first came out, i called myself “sapphic” or “gay” bc something about the word “lesbian” sounded so strong and scary to me. take your time tbh, maybe try it out here and there but don’t push too hard to use a certain term. if you’re uncertain of yourself still you can keep exploring your sexuality and figuring out your feelings. i wish sexuality were so black n white and we could just always know immediately bc it’d make things easier but it simply isn’t. being wrong is possible and i went thru a similar point as u, but after some time it becomes unavoidable really. like you’ll automatically come to the conclusion of “well… im x years old now. never been into a man. never been interested. still don’t find them attractive” and thus, calling yourself a lesbian is only rational. it’s also hard to have that confidence in your sexuality if you’re inexperienced, some ppl manage but ime most do not. i think you should give yourself time and don’t rush it too much, bc it often does come naturally, with time & experience & confidence.
also not being disgusted by a penis DRAWING isnt necessarily a reflection of your sexuality. i doubt most heterosexual women will have much of a reaction to vulva drawings. most straight men will draw dicks everywhere.
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