Rampant Thoughts 18.
I want to talk about the concept of power and its significance to me. Recently I have been having dreams where I find myself in a state of being oppressed by forces that I cannot control. They end up causing enough harm to make me raise against them and retaliate without mercy. Upon waking up, the only things I end up recalling is how I take the lives from those that brought me suffering. Scenarios change each night and the dreams always occur towards morning but that is besides de point. The point I want to make is that, fighting back makes me feel just in my actions as if the consequences have no hold over the future; I fight back until my body decides to awaken.
The only assumption that can be drawn from this is that my mind is possibly trying to cope with anxieties manifested within the realm of reality. Unlike dreams, reality brings with it consequences much more dire than anyone would want to acknowledge, thus retaliation becomes a tougher choice to take for most. It is really hard not to make this about politics, laws, values, principles that concern the relation between society and the multitude of people living within it.
In order to be as concise and specific as I want I will have to ignore any form of objective thinking and purely focus on what this idea makes me feel as someone who sternly believes they are weak in more ways than one. Long story short, I want to be strong, powerful and intimidating to the point where I wouldn't have to suffer the fear of being in danger at the hand of unforeseen events. Despite reminiscent of paranoia and I agree that this urge stems from that concept, that doesn't mean that manifesting such an urge classifies one as ill. Wanting to feel safe is a natural thing to desire but sadly, human nature brings with it many irregularities that end up preying on the mind, causing it to have distorted views of reality. When such distortions occur, the concept of life becomes imbalanced and thus the safety of life is discarded for the sake of such distortions. A cycle is born where one distortion gives birth to another whose only goal is to negate the distortion that birthed it. Between them there exists a fundamental difference that ironically balances the two. As one distortion is born from selfish desires, the other receives life out of the will for revenge. Though they are both the same thing in essence, the reasoning between them causes the act of vengeance to receive more justification on the basis of human instinct.
Not all distortions fall in the same category as some are milder in their intensity when it comes to modifying the way one perceives the world. This being the case, I can safely say that all people have more or less developed and manifested some form of distortion during their lifetime. There are multiple positions from which someone can develop a distortion but I want to concentrate on the position that I consider my own. When someone suffers from a strong enough distortion of reality, they will try and modify the world to fit the distortion that haunts them. For this change to occur, force must be applied on reality in order for it to fall in the mold of the distortion and this can be challenging since reality will not simply follow orders and fall in place without convincing. When reality simply refuses to follow the law of distortion, that is when the concept of power comes into play, in order to force the unruly into a submissive position from which they cannot retaliate without suffering various forms of consequence. Thus another form of balance is created that follows the law of one against many, which despite being faulty from various points of view ends up existing still, all thanks to the concept of power. I mentioned the idea of one versus many a few lines back, and it is obvious that said phrase does not portray anything even remotely connected to balance but when you give the one, power then a distorted form of balance catches life. Power given to someone with a strong enough distortion can bring about great change that can affect the world in ways that fall in the mold of the distortion.
Fundamentally, distortions are a sign of the human mind working, creating and evolving in order to bring itself to higher places as it strives to become better. Sometimes they manifest in forms that cause people to crave power in order to bring the distortion to fruition and this is where distortions become a detriment as opposed to a benefit. Given power, such distortions become selfish aspirations that subject the world to suffering simply to satisfy the needs of the distorted mind. As such events transpire, they give birth to other forms of distortion such as vengeance as I mentioned prior as well as fear as a response that balances the view of the one in power.
One aspect that influences the way a distortion affects an individual is the intent behind the distortion. Without intent a distortion cannot be brought to life, making the distortion into nothing but empty words, passing thoughts and untapped potential. Different results can be obtained based on the type of distortion and the intent behind it but generally they fall into the category of positive and negative. Both types of distortions have the potential to inspire the creation of other distortions as the cycle is perpetuated naturally. Change is something that both create but one of them, specifically the negative type though it brings with it change, this change is never wanted or desired by anyone but the creator. The blend of intent, distortion and power give life to an entity that creates nothing but fear around it, which as a result creates more fear which eventually craves power in order to satisfy the newly born distortion of revenge.
Coming full circle, I crave power because I have always been in the position of the oppressed most of my life and living in fear, be it irrational or otherwise isn't a life that should be considered normal. Despite the negative connotations of power, it isn't something that is exclusively negative, on the contrary it is a tool available to all that feel the need for it. It is actually distortion inducing in a positive way to witness weakness be overcome through the application of power and intention in order to achieve a goal that in its own way is a form of creation. Craving power in itself is not a bad choice if the intention behind it is a positive one.
Though I may never achieve the levels of power I crave in order to completely eliminate the way I feel regarding the world around me, I rejoice in the knowledge that I can pursue it in peace and not war. As a last note, I just hope that I will never have to pursue power for vengeance due to the lack of power in my possession at the time, because then I do not know if I could cope with such a reality and I might turn into something unsightly.
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