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imyourbratzdoll · 1 year

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𝑰𝒏 𝒎𝒚 𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎𝒔 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌

part 2 of 💔broken family💔

summary - when the weekend arrives, your mental health worsens, causing you to make some decisions.

warning - angst, swearing, self-doubt, lying, drinking, mentions of suicide, bad thoughts, a shit child, a shit ex-husband, mentions of divorce.

the gif I use isn't mine, headers by me.

part 1 - part 3

Warnings and Reminders - Please do not plagiarise, copy, repost/republish, adapt, or translate any of my work on any social media platforms, apps, or third-party sites. The only platforms I post my work on are: Tumblr and Wattpad. I do not own any character of any franchise (Marvel etc.) All my works are fiction and may be dark or triggering content: READ ALL WARNINGS BEFORE PROCEEDING.

The weekend had arrived, and Jason was buzzing with excitement. He wouldn’t stop going on about seeing his dad and about all the cool and fun things they had planned. Could you really blame him, though? Ari had taken the divorce a lot better than you had, probably because he was the one that wanted it. Your son was rushing you as you got changed, barely having any time as he began to whine that you were keeping him. You couldn’t count how many times your heart had shattered on the one hand, but you had to push through because even though your son didn’t love you and would rather be with his father. You still had to be a mother… Even when you could feel your life slipping away. “Alright, honey… Let’s go to your father’s” You sigh as he runs off, with you following behind.

The drive over was filled with talks of his father, and when you pulled up, Jason had practically thrown himself out of the car and ran to the door. You slowly follow behind, holding your breath when your eyes connect with Ari’s, gulping as he glares in return. “You’re late.” You nod, barely having anything to say, as your son flings himself at Ari, expressing his excitement for the weekend ahead. “Hey, buddy! Why don’t you go and watch some cartoons while I talk to your mother?” Jason nods, running inside, and Ari looks at you. “I need you to watch him on Sunday. I have a date.” Oh, your poor heart. Ari crosses his arms, raising a brow. “Is that going to be a problem?”

You rapidly blink the tears away and shake your head. Swallowing the lump that forms in your throat before you speak. “Uh, no… That’ll be fine, um… I hope you have a good time?” You nod and stand awkwardly as you want to say goodbye to your son before leaving. “Can you get Jason, please? I need to say goodbye.” Ari rolls his eyes, calling your son back, who looks equally annoyed that you are still there. You kneel, smiling softly at Jason. “Hey baby, I’m going to go now, and I’ll see you on Sunday, okay?”

“Wha? I spend time with daddy on Sunday. Not you.” He crosses his little arms, glaring as he taps his tiny foot. “I go now?” You nod, bringing him into a hug before letting him go. Watching sadly as he runs off with no care, you stand, giving Ari another nod before heading to your car and hopping inside. Where did it all go wrong? You had really lost them both, Ari had found someone else, and your son would soon call them mummy. A tear fell as you started the car, and you decided to drive to your therapist's office, needing someone to listen, even if they didn’t really care. You park your car and head in, sitting down as the receptionist informs your therapist.

Maybe you should buy some drinks on your way home? Vodka might be easier to swallow than the fact that Ari wasn’t ever coming back. “Miss L/n?” You blink, looking up and giving the woman a short smile as she beckons you up. “I can see you now. Would you like to come in?” You nod, standing and heading into her office, sitting across from her on a comfy couch. “So, what is bothering you? How have you been after everything?”

Your tongue flicks out as you wet your lips, staring down at your hands, noticing how poorly your nails have been treated as you’ve stopped taking the best care of yourself. “I, uh… I’m not doing so good.” You try to smile, looking at her. “Um, I dropped Jason off to his father again today, and….” You begin to space out, staring off and out the window, not really wanting to think about it anymore, just wanting to disappear.

The woman across from you crossed her legs, her full attention on you and not the notebook that lies open in her lap. “And what? Did something bad happen?” She could see the pain coursing through your eyes and wished she could do much more than she was currently doing. “You can talk to me, Y/n. I’m here for you.”

You stare at her as you swallow. “Well, Ari asked or, more like, told me I had to look after our son on Sunday because he has a date.” You choke on the word, not wanting to picture the man you love with another. “I–I don’t have a problem with looking after Jason… But the thought of….” She nods, giving you a reassuring smile. “I want to disappear. They wouldn’t miss me… I feel like they are waiting for me to stop existing. I love Ari, even after all the pain he’s put me through, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get closure or move on because he never explained why he left so randomly. He said he didn’t love me anymore, but… We were together for so long. How could someone just wake up one day and stop loving that person? A–and Jason, he’s… He’s only four, but it’s like he hates me too. He’d rather be with his father. Today… He didn’t even say goodbye to me, and he just seemed so angry and upset that he was going to see me again on his father’s weekend.” You don’t know when you had started crying, not until she came over and handed you the tissues, resting a comforting hand on your shoulder. You sighed. “I just… I don’t know what to do anymore, you know? Maybe I should just give Ari full custody and not hold Jason back from seeing his father full-time.” You rubbed your hands over your face, wiping the tears away before taking a deep breath.

“Have you been taking care of yourself after the divorce?” You shake your head, looking at the woman. “So, you haven’t gone out and hung out with friends, gone to get your hair and nails done, or even had a self-care day just for you?” You shake your head again, resting your head on your hands. She stands, clapping her hands together softly. “Well, that’s what I want you to do. Look after yourself, even if that means spending time away from your son for a while and getting your ex-husband to look after him. I want you to put yourself first, Y/n. Can you do that?” You nod slowly, wondering how you could even do that.

“What about this Sunday? What do I do?” You play with your fingers, looking at her.

“You do what you think is best, but I’d recommend him finding someone else to look after your son.” You nod slowly, taking in her words before you stand as the session ends. “And Y/n?” You hum, “Don’t take so long to come back, okay? I don’t want to read the news one day and find out you could’ve been helped.” You nod, saying your goodbyes before walking back to your car, having a lot to think about as you drive to the liquor store, grabbing some bottles of wines, vodkas, and anything you could get your hands on before going back home, with plans of drinking your sorrows away, just for a little bit.

When you arrived home, you poured yourself multiple glasses while lying on the couch, staring at the ceiling blankly. People never understand that you don’t realise pain until you are left with only memories and not the person you wanted to stay. At some point during your tenth? Drink, you had fallen asleep, finally getting sleep with no nightmares or false promises. You had managed to sleep for two days without meaning to, but you guessed your body needed it. You had gotten up, cleaning the house before going to the bathroom to shower. As you changed into new clothes, the doorbell rang, followed by a few sharp knocks. You remembered what today was and knew who was at the door.

You head downstairs and open the door, the sound of your son already complaining in his little babbles. Ari was staring you down, and somehow, he still looks as good as ever, and you are jealous. Furious and saddened that you couldn’t be enough for him. “Don’ wanna go!” Jason clings to Ari, kicking his feet, and your jaw clenches.

“Jason, let go of your father and get inside.” Both stop and stare. You raise your brow, you feel drained, and at this moment, you are considering listening to your therapist and just giving Jason over to Ari. “Inside.” Ari lets him down, and Jason begrudgingly heads inside, a pout on his face. You look up at your ex-husband, seeing him already staring down at you, a particular look in his eyes. “Did you need anything else? Want me also to cook dinner for you and your date?” You huff, slamming the door in his face before he can say anything. You turn and notice your son has wandered off. “Jason! Where are you?!” You walk up to his room and find him sitting on his bed with his arms crossed over his chest and a grumpy look on his face. “Really? You’re going to see your father in a few hours. Is spending time with me that bad?”

“Don’ want to be here! It’s boring, no fun! Daddy place better!” You nod. “I hate you! Why did you make daddy leave!” Oh, the three words a mother always wants to hear come out of their child's mouth. Note the sarcasm.

“Okay. You sit here and throw a tantrum.” You walk away, swallowing that damn lump again as you enter the kitchen and pour yourself a glass of wine, gulping some of it down. What you didn’t know was Ari never had a date. He just wanted to know if you would grow hurt by the news and if you still love him. A few hours pass by. You’ve fed your son before sitting in front of the tv, awaiting Ari’s arrival, continuing to drown your sorrows with alcohol, but not enough that you can’t look after your son. There’s a knock at the door. “Jason! Your father’s here!” You are between a scoff and sobbing as you hear his excited footsteps, running through the house and to the front door, followed by a happy squeal when he’s met with his father.

“Daddy! I missed you!” You stand behind and watch as they embrace each other.

“Hey, buddy. I missed you too. You ready to go?” Jason nods excitedly, but before they can leave, you stop them.

“Ari, can I speak to you before you go?” And again, you are met with annoyed looks from both of them. “It won’t take long.” You sigh as he tells Jason to go to the car and wait for him before giving you half of his attention, raising a brow and waiting for you to continue. “I thought that maybe you’d like to have Jason longer than the weekends, and it might be good for him to be with you.” You won’t admit that it hurt to say it because, really, you just wanted your family back to the way it was. But it was for the best, Jason obviously didn’t want to be around you, and Ari probably never wanted to see you again. So why get in the way?

Ari looks shocked before nodding. “Really? And you wouldn’t mind?” You shake your head, even though inside you are screaming yes, you would mind so much, and to come back to you, to love you again, but you swallow that down. “Okay, I’ll grab more of his things, then.” He walks past you, and damn. His scent still causes you to become weak in the knees, and the cologne he wears brings back memories of when you first bought it for him. You missed him, god, you missed him. Once Ari returns with his hands full, he nods and enters the car, driving off and leaving you alone in an empty house.

You close the door, sink into the couch and continue to drink. What was the point of staying sober when it hurts too much? Your mind becomes fuzzy as you watch the people on the screen move around, the alcohol hitting faster because you haven’t eaten. What was the point? It wasn’t like anyone cared if you did or not. You missed your husband, missed when he’d make sure you had eaten, made sure you were okay, and surprised you with random gifts and kisses. You missed him desperately. Why did it go wrong? What was wrong with you? What did you do? You huff, skulling your drink as you think, who cares.

And soon, filled with those delicious fuzzy drinks, you drift off to a blissful sleep, into a happier place where your marriage didn’t fail, where your family were still together. Because in your dreams, he loves you back.

thank you for reading!

feedback and reblogs are greatly appreciated.

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thatsatricky1 · 3 months

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𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝖓𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙 𝖘𝖍𝖎𝖋𝖙

Pairing: Criminal Choi San x Nurse (afab) Reader.

Genre: Thriller, Crime, Romace

Warnings: Hospitals, slight gore, wounds, gun shot wound mentioned, blood mentioned, gun mentioned, criminal activities, bank heist.

Disclaimers: This is a work of fiction and does not accurately describe San, again this is fiction for entertainment purposes. Also I wrote this at an ungodly hour at night so please excuse if there are any grammar or misspellings (English is not my first language) I will go back to re-edit any mistakes later after I get some sleep.

Word count: 3,4k+

“I still remember you full of youth, wide eyed, holding a water bottle in one hand and a fall risk document in the other.”

“Ah yes when I was a resident still full of hope.” Y/n commented back not looking up from the computer where she was typing up a quick patient report. An already empty coffee cup in the trash can next to the desk and a freshly opened 500ml energy drink laid next to the computer keyboard.

“Now you’re just like the rest of us.” Chan spoke again with a small lopsided smile leaning against the desk, arms crossed figure still clothed in his lab coat.

“Chan, I love you but your shift ended an hour ago, leave before you get stuck here.” Y/n shut down Chan’s small talk.

“Couldn't I say the same for you?”

“No, understaffed as per usual meaning I’m doing a double shift.” Y/n answered back to Chan’s retort causing him to stand up straight.

“You are taking another double shift? You know you can say no sometimes.” Chan frowned watching her still typing up the last few sentences of her report on a new income patient.

“I’d love to but Yeji and Rose are both on holiday, Momo is on leave since she’s in her third trimester, Mark is sick, so is Yoona, Hani, Suzi and Doyoung. Oh and Irene got moved to ward F4.” Y/n listed off with her finger spinning in her chair to face Chan now.

“Felix?” Chan asked out stubbornly.

“He did the last double shift, late and night shift.” Y/n shot back.

Chan sighs moving to rub his eyes letting out a groan not liking how his ward was always understaffed but most ward were, that’s how it was. He was always asking the hospital to hire more nurses, it looked like even him, the head doctor couldn’t change their stingy ways.

Hospital staff worked as a team. Doctors, nurses, emt’s, cleaners, chefs, receptionists, therapists, interns, residents, technicians, all staff were a team together. If just one was missing, the hospital wouldn’t work.

“I’m going to try again at the next board meeting to get them to reconsider adding extra staff.” Chan mentions while Y/n gets out of her seat standing in front of him.

“Of course you will, you do every time Dr. Bang, but how about for now you go to bed, can’t have a sleep deprived doctor working on my patients.” Y/n teased a cheeky smile gracing her lips but eyes were evidently tired as she patted his chest.

“Alright, alright nurse Y/n. I’m on call though, so if anything happens it’s my number you need to call during Night Shift Alright?” Chan conceded one arm raised in mock surrender while the other patted her hand that laid on his chest.

“Good, sleep well Chan.” Y/n replied letting her hand slip away from being sandwiched between Chan’s chest and hand. No doubt already making up her mind to not bother on calling Chan as she was a pro in emergencies.

Y/n moving away over to the medication area opening the cabinets while flipping open the iPad going onto her patients medical plans to start preparing their medication before they’d be going to sleep.

Chan watched silently as Y/n moved with muscle memory reaching for different medications she knew like the back of her hand placing them in one use containers.

“Sleep well too Y/n after your shift ends.” Chan quietly spoke out in the room but loud enough to hear as she hummed out in response.

With one more reluctant look at leaving her alone for the Night Shift, Chan grabbed his things leaving the nursing room. Y/n hearing his footsteps faintly leave down the hallway.

Y/n taking in a deep breath, blinking away the heavy feeling in her eyelids. Hands moving nimbly as usually putting another 400mg pain tablet into a container.

It had hit 3 a.m. Y/n having just finished another round through her patients rooms making her way back towards the nursing room pocketing her low light torch and quickly checking the time on her pocket watch, a puff of air releasing from her mouth realising she still had four more hours till change over.

Unlocking the nursing room and pushing it open with her hip letting the door stay all the way open as she moved to grab her nearly finished energy drink. Moving it up to her lips only to pause hearing the night shift phone start ringing.

Only letting her eyes flutter shut for a moment of annoyance that coursed through her tired body knowing fully well she shouldn’t have hoped for a peaceful night. Yet even when placing the drink down in favour to grab the phone still holding on to a string of hope it was just Irene who was on night shift on F4 wanting to call to pass time and gossip about her new work colleagues.

With a click of a button she pressed the phone to her ear calling out her wards name, F2 and her name.

“Hey Y/n it’s Eunwoo, Irene is gonna look after F2 and F4 for a while. I need you down here for some extra help. Sorry sweetheart.” Eunwoo’s voice muffled out of the old desperately in need of updating, hospital night shift phone.

Just like that Y/n’s peace was broken, but she didn’t dwell on it and instead nodded to herself gripping the phone tighter as she stuffed her pocket with gloves, a Sutures scissors and hand bottle of disinfectant.

“Alright Eunwoo I’m on my way down to the Emergency ward, keep tight I’ll be three minutes max.” Y/n replied not waiting for his response as she ended the call already moving out of the nursing office, locking it behind her before rushing as quietly as she could down the hallway, taking the stairs instead of the elevator.

Making it in under two minutes gloves on and ready. Swiftly making her way down the hallway, Eunwoo joined her halfway.

“What happened, Eunwoo?” Y/n asked straight to the point, turning her head to cast her gaze on her friend.

“Good morning to you too sweetheart, three guys came in severely wounded, one shot, the other two pretty scratched up. They won’t talk about it. My guess is some gang robbery on the trio went wrong and they're traumatised or still in shock from it.” Eunwoo informed, somehow slipping a joke in as well.

“And I’m here, why then?”

“Because my dear Y/n I have my hands full with critically injured patients and there is one guy left from the three that needs to be patched up.” Eunwoo finally explained.

“Eunwoo-” Y/n started to go on her rant but was cut off by Eunwoo who stopped them grabbing her blue medical gloved hands in his own matching pair.

“Y/n I wouldn’t ask you to come down without a reason, I’m on my second double shift in a row, I have four burn victims I constantly have to attend to until space frees up in the critical ward. We used to work in the emergency ward together so I knew you’d get it.” Eunwoo spoke this time seriously, squeezing Y/n’s hands gently.

Y/n gazed into Eunwoo’s eyes for a few seconds before softening her gaze, nodding understanding him. Eunwoo’s eyes brightened knowing he could count on her pulling her into a tight hug.

“He’s in room 4, thank you Y/n you are a lifesaver. I owe you one.” Eunwoo thanked her, taking his leave to rush back to room 6.

“Yeah, I know.” She muttered to herself, hands on her hips before looking over to room 4.

“I’m fine, like I said before you can attend to my friends first.” A smooth yet somehow gruff voice called out in the dim room.

“Well that’s an interesting introduction. And for your peace of mind, your friends have already been attended to.” Y/n spoke from the doorway leaning against it.

“You’re not that guy.” The male blurted out observing Y/n.

“Very observant. No I’m not, but you’re my patient now, so let’s have a look at what I’m working with.” Y/n clearly amused as she stepped properly into the room now, picking up the new patients chart.

Having to keep a poker face noticing Eunwoo’s chicken scratch handwriting with barely any information. Male, looks to be mid twenties, might have a cut on his right forearm and some scratches to the face. Not a lot to work off of.

Placing the chart down Y/n looked over at the guy taking in his appearance. He was quite attractive, that is something she couldn’t deny. Recently freshly bleached hair, black combat boots, plain black pants, an olive green hoodie paired with a questionable leather combat vest, that she hoped was just an odd choice of street fashion wear. One of his hands gloved with a chain attached to it, the other hand was covered in wrist bands.

“Are they really fine?” The guy asked, watching as Y/n grabbed supplies bring them over to the bed he was sitting on, legs placed on the floor in habit in case he needed to make a break for it.

“Eunwoo has magic hands, you’re friends are most definitely more than fine.” She reassured him.

“But you on the other hand, need to get patched up now.” Y/n pointed out hand gesturing towards his bloodied sleeve.

“It’s not mine.” San explained, the blood having soaked into his sleeve of his hoodie earlier.

Y/n held back from raising her eyebrow shaking her head pointing out “I’m going to assume you got blood on your sleeve from your friends gun shot wound.”

“Yeah something like that.” He nods.

“Alright so, I still need to patch up your face. Make sure those wounds don’t leave any nasty scars.” She spoke while preparing everything all while he watched curiosity clear in his eyes.

San could clearly tell the young nurse was tired, then again it was always said that nurses are overworked so he shouldn’t be surprised, it was also 3 something a.m.

“I’m Y/n F/n, but you can call me Y/n.” Y/n introduced herself before gesturing at her equipment asking permission silently to start. San giving a single not for the go ahead.

Y/n moved to start cleaning up the scratch that was clean along the bridge of his nose, it would leave a faint scar from the depth but with her skillful hands it wouldn’t be as noticeable. Being this up close to him made her realise he had an eyebrow piercing, something Y/n was a sucker for. But she was also professional.

“San.”

“No last name?” She hummed out eyebrows scrunching the slightest bit in focus, a detail San couldn’t help but burn into his memory gaze never leaving her face.

“Just San.” He replied back waiting to be further interrogated but was pleasantly surprised by Y/n not asking further questions on him. Yet for some reason also hoped she’d dig further.

“So do you always come waltzing through the emergency entrance with sounds wearing a leather vest or is this something you’re just scratching off your bucket list?” Y/n tried making small talk, wanting his attention off her face, noticing his intense stare.

“We got robbed, not something I put on my bucket list, don’t have one to begin with.” San replied with a small smirk placed against his lips at her words. The lies slipped off his tongue easily as it was a thing he did often.

“Mm, Eunwoo did say something about a robbery. At least you have a new conversation started to use on people.” Y/n offered up a barely good thing to come out of the situation that happened to him and his friends.

“You look tired.” San blurted out wanting to change the topic off of his friends and situation since he didn’t want to slip up on it and talk further on it as when Mingi, Wooyoung and he had gone to the hospital the furthest they’d made up on their alibi was getting robbed and none of the three would say more in case they gave different stories.

“Once again a great observation San, I’m on a double shift. I had a late shift. Now I’m on night shift due to our wonderfully understaffed hospital like every other hospital.” Y/n replied to him wondering if she looked like a mess for him to be pointing out she looked tired.

“Fuck. Sounds like it happens a lot.” San muttered out holding back a wince as she cleaned over a cut on his cheekbone, being used to the pain but that didn’t mean he was immune to it.

“It does.” Y/n hummed out before saying with an amused grin “Do I look that bad?”

“No, just because you look tired doesn’t mean you look bad. You look good.” San responded just as fast, eyes never falling from her face unlike how her hand faltered from where it was attending to his cheekbone.

“… Well you should see me with at least eight hours of sleep and in clothes that aren’t my scrubs.” Y/n teased out having to take a second, surprised by the sudden comment he made.

“Don’t tempt me, you know I’d want to see that.” San spoke out confidently, his pierced eyebrow raising. Only to wince at Y/n ‘accidentally’ pressing harder on his wound.

“Careful San if I didn’t think any better I’d say you’re testing your luck on a night shift nurse right after being robbed.” She shook her head to hold back her amusement.

“And what if I am?” He boldly asked hand slyly moving to grab her wrist gently stopping her from continuing with patching up his face. Y/n noticing just how close their faces were now.

“I’d say it would be a lost cause San, seeing as I’m your nurse and you’re my patient. Your not the first flirt I’ve come across in the work field and certainly not the last.” She put on a confident face tilting her head.

San’s eyes flickering the briefest second down at her lips before staring deep into her eyes, the smirk on his lips turning into a grin.

“Hasn’t stopped other people in the past. I like challenges Y/n.”

“This is a challenge you can only fail at San, I don’t typically go for guys without last names.”

“Choi.” San bluntly replied leaning another inch towards her face.

“I don’t go for bleach blondes.” Y/n responded right after not moving her face back.

“Hair dye exists darling.” San moved closer as if challenging her back, her head not retreating backwards.

“I like my men honest, wanna give me a rundown on how the robbery happened?” Y/n asked out while still doing her job causing San to let out a puff of air amused.

“If I get a kiss I might just tell you every little detail.” San was instantly sorting a made up robbery in his head.

“How about the story first?”

“No can do darling, the kiss comes first.” San denied his lips now so close she could nearly feel them against her own.

“Then I guess we are at a stalemate.” Y/n retorted yet didn’t move back.

San took this as a sign, eyes slowly closing as he moved forward only to be met with air.

Blinking his eyes a few times before fully opening them to see Y/n staring back amused, face a few inches away from his again.

“I got the last name, but your hair is still blonde and I didn’t get that story.” She shrugged, tugging her wrist out of his grasp easily seeing as he’d been holding it lightly in his grasp beforehand.

“Tease.” San groaned out moving backwards so his upper half of his body fell onto the bed.

“Whatever you say Choi San. Well as much as I enjoyed our interesting conversation, I need to go back to my ward to do another round on my patients seeing as you're all finished.” Y/n explained as she got up patting away the imaginary dusk on her scrubs after disposing of her one use gloves.

San was pleased to see no ring in sight on her now revealed hands. Sitting up with his hands holding all his wait he watched her put away the equipment she’d used.

“I thought I was also your patient, shouldn’t I get some of your time as well?” San didn’t let up not wanting her to leave so soon knowing fully well this could be their only interaction to his unfortunate displeasure at the thought.

“Well I can’t be using all my attention on one patient, that’s bias.” Y/n shrugged, moving to lean against the doorway of the room once again like she’d done when she’d first entered the room.

“You’ll probably be able to be discharged soon, be careful where you’re walking around at night with your friends. You’ve got a handsome face, one I don’t want to see get scratched up again and also in my hospital again, stay safe Choi San. Look after yourself.”

San smiled at her kind yet teasing words.

“I’ll try not to. But that doesn’t mean we won’t bump into each other again. The world is a small place you never know when we’ll see each other again.” San replied back.

“Sure thing.” Y/n nodded not thinking they’d cross paths again, but she wouldn’t mind it if it was in any other setting but the hospital she worked in.

Turning to leave Y/n held back an amused laugh hearing San call out to her as she finally took her leave.

“I’ll be waiting for that kiss Darling!”

“Darling?” It was a voice she’d thought she’d never hear again. Much less run into the man.

All she could do was stare in shock and slight anger at the sight in front of her.

San stood there gun in hand, face scratched up again because of the fight that had been taking place at 9pm on a random street in Seoul.

Y/n having been a random witness to the cruel street criminal actions taking place in the bank where’d she’d come by on her only day off she’d managed to get wanting to pay a bit of her student loans.

“You never got robbed.” Was all she could manage to whisper out, San having to strain his ears to hear it, but it was evident he’d heard her by the frown that had settled on his face.

San had been in a robbery gone wrong that night. Though he wasn’t the one who’d gotten robbed. He’d been the one trying to rob others. His grip on his gun faltered quickly, pocketing it in his waistband, glancing at the dead cameras shuffling closer to off duty nurse. Only for her to shuffle back from where she’d been sitting on the ground due to having been ordered by another man ten minutes ago to do so at the beginning of the bank heist currently taking place.

“Darling don’t, don’t you move away from me.” San scrambled with his words trying to back track this whole situation cursing out himself for life putting the two of you here at the same time and not some cliche bump into each other at a coffee shop cliche.

“You shouldn’t have told me your last name San.” Y/n spoke with determination, eyes barely managing to glare at her once patient who’d lied and flirted with her so easily.

“Well I guess that means we have a dilemma on our hands.” San clenched his jaw tight at her words.

“You won’t get away with this San, taking people's hard earned money like this.”

“That’s not what this is Y/n.” San denied desperately wanting her to understand the situation.

“That’s what it looks like to my Choi San.” She retorted, eyes flicking to his hands as he fiddled with something taking another step in her direction, eyes staring once again at that face he’d been thinking about this whole time since they’d first met months ago.

“Oh Darling. You have no idea.”

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maaikeatthefullmoon · 5 months

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Someone asked about places where they could find my creative works & how I make a living.

I’ve been a self-employed artist since 2017. The current economic climate is making that *very* difficult and I may well be giving up my beautiful business soon, but for now, I’m still clinging on by my fingernails. I’ve survived a lot longer than many of my colleagues and I’ve been VERY grateful and fortunate. (Yes, my profile photo is actually me, very cold, in my freezing workshop, in my ok-to-get-covered-in-paint-ugly-clothes 😂)

You can find me/support me here:

Etsy: lioncubcreations.etsy.com I make fan art and children's home decor, all hand painted on high quality medite wood.

Ko-fi: If you enjoy my writing, or just generally take pity on me, I'd think you were bloody amazing if you could please buy me a coffee (although I'll actually spend it on bills...sorry). No pressure, though, I know money's tight.

AO3: I write Good Omens fanfic under the username imposterssyndrome, I’ve been writing since November after my trauma therapist recommended it and it’s been the best thing I’ve ever done (especially after my mother told 8yo me that my writing was shit and I literally never wrote another piece of fiction until age 40). I skew angsty, love historical stuff and researching stuff. Did I mention Here Be Angst?

Current project: Free - a human AU, which begins with them meeting in an acute mental health ward, where they have both recently been admitted. Initially distrustful of one another, they slowly realise how much they have in common. It is VITAL to read the content warnings as there are many mental health themes. This is a WIP, but I update frequently as this is a passion piece for me, built from lived experience & extra research.

Epistolary Series - Aziraphale's diaries, read by Crowley, a romp through history, the series includes an Aziraphale POV and more, rated E, currently made of 3 completed works.

Ineffable Inspirations Series - Individual oneshots, all based on songs. Currently 2 fics, based on Fiona Apple’s Shadowboxer (set in 1941) & Finger Eleven’s Paralyzer (set in 2021)

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rickktish · 10 months

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A list of mutable batfam headcanons that live inside my brain:

Steph deserves to be 6’ minimum, preferably 6’1” or 2”

Bruce is constantly trying to balance his need to be at the same eye level or above the people he’s intimidating vs his need to do his funky little gargoyle crouch. His favorite thing about the GCPD roof is that it has lots of surfaces he can crouch on and still meet or look down at Gordon’s eye level

Tim and Damian suffer from “too similar to get along” disease and must either become best friends or despise each other until the end of time

Babs prefers light, natural toned makeup. Steph prefers pops of color and decent amounts of jewelry when she can get away with it. Cass prefers jewelry and no makeup at all

Jason’s comfort meals are all variations on soup served with bread for dipping

Jason is of the opinion that Fitzwilliam Darcy is an ass at the beginning of the book and it’s a good thing he decided to change himself so he could take his place as Best Fictional Man Ever. Dick, who read the book in order to be able to connect with Jason better, is of the opinion that Fitzwilliam Darcy has done nothing wrong ever and only needed to work on his social skills, meaning that it’s his improved ability to communicate that makes him worthy of Elizabeth Bennet at the end. Neither of them wants to listen to Tim’s analysis of what this says about their relationships with Bruce

Duke has never engaged in non-Alfred approved chaos. This is not because Duke seeks Alfred’s approval, but rather because their senses of humor are in perfect alignment and Alfred is always pleased to discover that he approves of Duke’s particular instances of chaos even after the fact

Damian never had stuffed animals growing up, but after being corrupted by Dick’s influence he can no longer sleep without a minimum of one in his bed

Damian collects posters and articulable action figures. His favorite ones are the ones that can stand on their own, which he uses for posing practice in his drawings. His favorite figure is of one of the characters in Cheese Vikings who has a zuko-esque backstory and a secret propensity for gardening

Dick always buys the most beat up box of cereal at the grocery store because he feels bad for them

Cass loves not only ballet, but other works by classical composers as well. She will unironically listen to the local classical station, and can identify the Borodin String Quartet by the sound of their instruments alone

Tim and Bruce watch and read Gray Ghost media in all its various forms and discuss it together as a bonding activity

Alfred and Jason’s shared birthday is usually celebrated with them making each other cakes, meaning that everyone gets to enjoy not one but two cakes for the day

Jason specializes in cheesecake above all other cakes, though he did make Damian a black forest cake for his birthday once right after he’d finished playing Portal

Literally everyone is surprised when they learn that Damian plays video games. No one has ever once looked at him and thought “yeah, i bet that kid plays console games” and he’s actually really insecure about it, but he also refuses to wear any kind of merch outside the house. He owns dozens of gaming and anime T-shirts but refuses to be seen as anything but completely neutral outside his own territory

Most of the bats wear drug-detecting nail polish at all times, though the base and reactive colors vary by the bat in question

Bruce and Dick have both had therapists straightup quit on them and are therefore reluctant to go back to therapy ever again

Duke’s favorite book is Walden Pond

Alfred read Lord of the Rings aloud to Bruce when he was a kid

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fangirltothefullest · 8 months

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hey! i’ve seen you reblog a few posts from proshippers/posts tagged as proship and i just wanted to let you know in case its not on purpose!

I need some of you youngsters to please listen carefully to what I'm about to say because it might open your eyes to a very important concept- when I say ship and let ship I mean I don't give two fucks about what people read in fanfiction because it's all fake. Made up characters in a made up scenario with made up things happening.

Your christian-based concept that thought is equal to action isn't true. You can THINK whatever the hell you want do long as your actions don't cause a problem. A creepy old man can look at a young lady and THINK all the nasty things he wants. So long as he does not take those thoughts and turn them to actions, he's fine. He might want to go see a therapist but at the end of the day thoughts are just thoughts. Standing on the edge of a cliff and thinking "wow if someone pushed someone off this they'd die" doesn't mean you want to push someone off a cliff.

PLEASE separate the concept that thought and action are the same thing.

Even if the topic is a taboo topic, even if it's something you would never in a million years agree with, it's still fake at the end of the day.

I don't personally want to read about canibalism, but its not my job or my right to force other people to never write about that stuff. Policing other people's writing and policing the "goodness" or "badness" of the content they write is not my job and it's not anyone else's. Your morality is yours and yours alone. What you find taboo and never want to think about might just be a weird enjoyable read to someone else. Just like kinks or even random topics, you cannot cater to everyone and trying to force a moral purity in written fiction is just ailly. They're made up. No matter how much you want Azirphale and Crowly to be real no matter how much you are desperate for Percy Jackson to have real feelings, they aren't and he can't. They're not real and they never will be so nothing that happens to them, no matter how fucked up, really matters.

And that's all it is and all they will ever be. A bunch of taboo topics and events done to made up people.

I don't want to read about incest but I'm not going to stop people from writing fanfics about the supernatural brothers doing the nasty. I'm also not going to go out of my way to look for it or tell people to stop because it's all fake. Its not supporting it. It's made up pretend space.

I sit here throwing made up characters into Bad Situations that would be horrible if they were real people. But they're not. They're fake people with fake things happening to them and it's fun to write and fun to read. I torment my characters all the time. I made Virgil go through so much emotional trauma in APP and no one bats an eye because it's fake. Please apply the same critical thinking to the rest of written everything.

Proshipper literally means that a person should have the freedom to write what they want and read what they want because morality has nothing to do with fiction. It does not make you morally a bad person to enjoy a taboo subject in written form. This goes for ALL taboo subjects. People reading greusome murder mysteries don't go out and murder people. The same thing applies to the other taboo subjects. People writing about weird incest ships aren't going to go out and do the incest thing.

If they are it has nothing to do with the fiction and everything to do with that specific person.

Thought and action are not the same thing.

Allowing everyone to write what they want without gatekeeping based on morality is a good thing. We would not have lgbtqia+ stories if the morality policing of Christian values dictated what we are allowed and not allowed to write.

Please understand that I saying all this as a teaching tool. You might be super icked out by certain topics and that's natural and normal and ok. I am too! Everyone is! But what we have to do is be tolerant of the ideas that writing taboo subjects and being a proshipper isnt a bad thing. Also enjoying taboo subjects in written form doesn't make you somehow evil, ok?

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chroniclesofbts · 3 months

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Call Me Home Part 6

Idol hybrid BTS x hybrid foreigner reader

Warnings: implied sexual themes, smut, angst, fluff, polyamorous relationship, name calling, night terrors, drug use to cause shifting, auctions

If you’re not 18+ please, do not interact.

As always, my works do not represent BTS in any way, this is purely a work of fiction.

Rushed down the hall and into the den, I am handed a green turtleneck to change into. I can hear Hoseok in the other room talking to the Therapist. My hands are shaking so much that I struggle to take off my current shirt. Jungkook takes the turtleneck out of my hands and gives it to Jimin. He grabs the bottom of the shirt I am wearing and waits for permission to help me. I nod, giving a small yes, before he pulls it off quickly. Jimin instantly puts the turtleneck on me, both of their eyes being respectful and not wandering. Jungkook grabs my hand softly and leads me to the living room where Hoseok is with the laptop. He glances up at me as we enter, smiling softly at my shaking form. He reaches his hand out for me to take, pulling me softly into his side.

"We can stay, if you want, or one of us can. Whatever you need, we are here for." Hoseok speaks to me, his face showing worry.

"Stay, please, I don't want to explain everything all over again. Wanted everyone here, but I guess I will have to explain again anyway." I whisper, feeling Taehyungs emotions weighing me down.

Footsteps coming down the stairs cause me to glance up, seeing the rest of the pack entering, eyes still showing their animals are present. They are dressed and holding Taehyung tightly, who is looking at his feet. He isn't hurt like I expected, just showing freshly bitten mating marks.

"We wouldn't make you go through it more than you needed to, Doe" Yoongi says, letting go of Taehyung and joining my other side.

"Let's begin our first session, now that everyone is present." The woman says through the computer.

"We met in the hospital, I was one of the ones who spoke to you before you left. Do you remember me?" She continues

I nod, feeling a squeeze to my thigh, "I do" I verbalize, earning a small chuff from Yoongi.

"It's good to see you again, how are you feeling?" She begins, asking all of the typical questions to start our session.

The session is going well, mostly a routine check in, until she asks about my home.

"Tell me a little bit about where you are from, where you grew up."

"I don't remember much about my family, I moved when I was young into the ranch." I spoke quietly, feeling the atmosphere changing. Yoongi and Hoseok tensing on either side of me, Taehyung's feeling distracting me as I meet his eyes.

"How old were you?" She pushes, refocusing me.

"8, I think?" I pause, "Maybe 7, the memories all blur together"

"Why did you move so young?" She continues without missing a beat.

"I am rare, small, worth good money" I shrugged, bumping shoulders with Hoseok. "My parents are both deer, so I am a purebreed, and I had the rare trait, it made sense I was the one to leave. We needed the money, my mom was getting older, so I took her place. My siblings had too many mixed genes from the ranch, I wasn't born there, was an accident" I mumbled, leaning into Hoseok's arms.

"And how long did you stay at the ranch"

"Until I was sold permanently" I replied, distantly, feeling my chest start to tighten.

"Tae, switch with me" Hoseok whispered while I was talking. Taehyung moved quick, pulling me into his lap, so softly that I was barely jostled.

"And how old were you then?" She pushed, taking not of the interactions between me and the pack.

"I was at the ranch for 6 years, I fought each client there and they got tired of me. My owner purchased me for cheap, I think, complained how I wasn't even worth what little he gave them for me"

And how long were you with him?"

"Until I ran away, after biting the client and being beaten, i stayed on the streets for a couple of years, trying to remain out of sight."

"And then you entered the program" She concluded

"I did, not really given a choice or much information, just caged and sedated. Shipped off to another country" I confirmed, causing Taehyung to squeeze me tighter and bury his head into my shoulder.

"And your heats?"

"I've never had one, was on medicine, the strong ones so I didn't get pregnant in the ranch or with a client. The took me off a few weeks before I left, hoping it would cause me to accept the clients easier. I just never got it after"

"That could be because your animal was protecting you, or the stress in the situation before you were given suppressants in the program. Would also explain why you were thrown into a false heat" She explained, writing more down.

"How are the nightmares?" She said, causing me to freeze and be thrown back into the memory from last nigh, my breath quickening. I can vaguely feel my name being said, the memory feeling all too real. My face is shoved into Taehyung's neck, the scent and memory mixing into reality. I can feel hands pulling me out of Taehyung's grasp, snarls and growls, before I am laying on my back on the couch, a weight over me. My scent gland exposed, a mouth latching and nipping. A hand hovering my mark from Taehyung, before slowly rubbing over it. My body falls slack, vision returning and finding Yoongi pressing me down, a comforting weight, and lapping at my unmarked gland. I turn slightly, eyes finding Namjoon, who is rubbing over the mark, sending jolts down my body.

"You're safe, here with us" Yoongi murmurs, lifting his head to find my eyes.

"I think it's best for the rest of you to mark her, so her animal feels completed in the den, but nothing else for now. It's too dangerous to trigger a heat, marking her will comfort her animal and help her to be pulled from her nightmares quicker. Slow the episodes down too. She should have been comforted by her first mate, being marked usually soothes my clients. But I have never seen a pack this size with a client. Start slowly, one mark a day until her animal calms down. You'll know when she is ready for more. I would like to see you 3 times a week, and talk about your dreams. Once you are comfortable, until then we can talk about your feeling with your pack." She concludes her session with Jin and Hoseok, while I continue to calm down, sagging in Yoongi's hold. Once the call ends, Taehyung pushes his way on top of me and latches down on my mark, his animal upset they couldn't comfort me. His mouth soothing the sting, his body molding against mine as he tends to the fresh wound. My eyes flutter at the sensations, the calm of the room and the stress from the call pulling me under. The last thing I remember is being lifted and carried, the smell of the den lulling me fully to sleep.

A/N: Sorry for the delay in posting, I am currently back to work at both jobs and didn't realize how little time I would have, on top of how tiring it is after being on leave for so long

Taglist (open):

@dachshunddame @minjianhyung @minhanbyeol @m00njinnie @famousdelusionobservation @danielle143 @dragons-flare @kimsaerom @butterymin

#bts ot7 #jeon jungkook #jung hoseok #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #kim taehyung #park jimin #min yoongi #bts

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yuikomorii · 6 months

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I saw a lot of people say that Yui is their comfort character and I don't think it's a bad thing. Because Yui's situation and her hardworking make them feel more courage irl. Although they never told Yui is perfect. They said Yui is perfect for us because let's be honest nobody is perfect. Telling someone is far from perfect is wrong because you never can find a perfect person as an example so you can't compare this way.

But still considering Yui as their comfort character shouldn't make them upset just because she is not perfect. As I said nobody is perfect.

// Since Christmas is coming soon, I hope Santa brings you a ✨reading comprehension✨ because there’s NO WAY a person only grasped that part out of a post about not attacking people who have different opinions. Or wait a little… are you perhaps feeling called out? Next time, I would love to hear your opinion but non-Anon, please! :>

Let me give you a reality check, Anon; you, me and most people are far from perfection because we’re just average human beings. Perfection means only having good qualities and characteristics, without any defects. That's unachievable, but you don't have to be flawless since the mix between your imperfections and qualities makes you who you are— a unique person.

Yui can be perfect to you, but this still won’t change the fact that she’s not perfect and if people will be upset over not considering a FICTIONAL CHARACTER like that too, then I would suggest them spending less time on Tumblr and more with a therapist.

Plus, Yui wouldn’t like you to consider her perfect because she learned her lesson in MB about accepting people with their faults. She only wants to be seen as an equal, not worshipped. How can a character be your comfort one if you don’t even know that character’s personality? 😭😭

#admin

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flavored-soda · 14 days

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thoughts on episode 9

spoilers below the cut

AWE LOOK AT THEM SMILING AND HAPPY 😭😭😭

bobby needs to treat himself better. like baby you deserved that medal 🫶

CHIMNEY HAN I FUCKING LOVE YOU‼️‼️‼️ “whenever i think of filth i think of you.” YOU FUCKING TELL HIM‼️

bobby is not retiring, you’re kidding.

“i dont have anything more to give” bobby 🫶 baby 😭😭😭

GET HIM KIM GET HIM

man, i loved eddie but im so glad kim said “baby, you got trust issues” next thing shes gonna be telling him to go to therapy

MOTHER HEN 😭😭😭 sobbing

this montage is gonna make me cry and puke 😭

stop stop it right now buck and bobby moments always make me tear up goddamnit.

“tommy’s good people. he’s good for you.” IM THROWING UP STOP IT I LOVE BOBBY

i can feel the “what the actual fuck” that buck is holding back. i did not think that he was going to meet kim already 😭

ohhhh this is gonna be messyyyyy

eddie talking about kim like this situation is completely normal and buck is like bro what are you talking about

HENREN AND MADNEY I REPEAT HENREN AND MADNEY ‼️‼️‼️

GET! HIM! KIM!

i had a feeling that after the cruise ship there would be a rift that formed between bobby and athena. i dont think theyre going to break up/divorce but goddamn i didnt know i craved that angst.

y’all fuck this councilwoman.

OMFG ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

computer how do you fight a fictional character? quickest route no freeways.

this episode is one shot in the heart after another

eddie baby 😭😭😭 say all this is a therapist please goddamn but this is progress and now im fucking sobbbinnnggg

NOT MARISOL AND CHRIS OMFG AFTER SHE CUT BANGS TOO GODDAMN

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO ABSOLUTELY NOT NO

WERE SUPPOSED TO WAIT A FUCKING WEEK TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?!!!!

i was not expecting so much during this one episode goddamn. it was a good episode tho and i loved it. ngl tho i wanted that scene between eddie and buck to be messier and a little meaner but i get why it wasnt. i just need tommy to be there to comfort buck when bobby ends up in the hospital. and i need hen to deck that councilwoman. (i know she wont but i can hope)

#911 abc #911 spoilers #evan buckley #tommy kinard #911 #911 on abc #eddie diaz #henrietta wilson #bobby nash #athena grant nash #howie chimney han #maddie buckley #flavored talks

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1-800-iluvhockey · 1 year

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slipping through my fingers - hughes siblings

warnings - mild language, mini angst & sadness (not everything will be accurate as it’s fiction lol), it is a very long fic and has two instagram edits as well

please listen with slipping through my fingers by abba <33

hey it’s me again. I sent you guys four tickets to graduation & I hope you guys can make it! mom & dad already told me they could make it, and q said that he is flying in for it. I hope you three can make it! it would mean the world to me— please…. I’ll talk to you soon j! love ya— bye.

❀☻ 𓆉☼ ✿

college graduation.

the one thing that y/n had been dreading since she started at umich…. leaving. home was here. so many good memories here, as well as meeting her bestest friends & boyfriend. but it was time to go— and it just felt like

time slipped away from her.

she was glad that she was convinced by q to come here, and then got to share some of her college years with her twin brother luke. y/n always felt like she was forgotten by her siblings as she didn’t excel at hockey and that she was a girl. they loved her, and she loved them— but the distance between them was enough for her to feel like she didn’t get enough time to grow up with them. she wanted to not stand in their way, but still cheer them on. so, when quinn— her oldest brother convinced her to go to umich instead of boston college, she felt seen. she felt even more seen when luke — her own twin was petitioning for her to go to college with him.

“cmon sis— we can take on the world from ann arbor together! come with me!!” luke pleaded at the family dinner table as ellen gave her daughter a “it’s up to you, scholarships have been coming in for you for years to go to anywhere you want sweetie. lu is going for athletics— and you are our ms. academics! that would be amazing but you know that it is your choice, honey.”

“okay lu on just one condition……. don’t push me away.” she told her older brother she got tackled into a bear hug from the side.

“YES!! 3 to mich baby!!!” q yelled as her two older brothers got up and joined the hug.

“guess I’m the odd one out now…” jack joked as he saw y/n’s smile grow bigger by the minute.

“I love you hockey idiots.” she said as she meted into her older brother’s hug.

y/n got to be his cheerleader sister for the two years as became one of the greatest young players in college hockey. her friend group intermingled with his— and she even had a thing with his friend mark estapa for awhile. until they all left after their sophomore year, as expected. they had big nhl contracts & big bucks coming in. no one was more proud than y/n of her boys, she bought all of their jerseys, went to as many games as she could all while being in school.

❀☻ 𓆉☼ ✿

junior year started and she had earned an internship for the red wings. a dream come true as she has always wanted to be in the hockey industry some how. it felt as it was a birthright that she started to fulfill. y/n was on cloud 9 when she called her dad and said that she had started with the red wings as an intern assistant pt to the head physical therapist to the red wings organization. her parents were ecstatic as they knew how important it was to her.

on one of the first games, she met him— simon. he had came into the locker room with a bad shoulder injury during a game while y/n was “on deck” aka waiting for someone to give her someone to work on. he came in with a bloody nose and a out of place shoulder— and changed her whole life.

“hey— you think that you can fix this and we can go out some time?” he asked her as she looked to the side to see him smirking at her with a little bit of blood on his nose still. she had only met him 20 minutes ago and he was asking HER out.

“maybe— we still need to get this blood off. my brother may add some if he knew though.” she joked as they both laughed. she was nervous. guys aren’t normally like this to her without knowing her family.

“I think you will be worth the risk, ms dr in training hughes.” he winked and put the ice pack back on his nose.

“hughes? you know who I am?” she questioned stupidly as he smiled at her. he looks down to her name tag that says “y/n hughes— physical therapy & sports medicine assistant” with the red wings logo on it & her little flower doodles. her eyes look down to her name tag— and she feels herself turning pink.

“right— my name tag. duh.” she says laughing off her awkward question as she turns to grab some k-t tape for his shoulder.

her back was turned as he started “of course— but that’s not how I know you. I saw you on draft night on tv. luke was no.4 overall and I was no.6. I followed you on instagram after that. I thought you were cute, despite all of the hockey glory family & scary older brothers to go through. you seemed so sweet & cared a lot about hockey. I just didn’t know I’d actually get to meet you…..” simon semi ranted as y/n turned bright pink at his words.

she turned around and he saw her turn pink, and he smiled at it. she was cute, in a way that was different from the rest. the compassion & intelligence radiated from her making her stand out in a way that caught his eye.

“okay— one date edvinsson. but first let’s get your shoulder back in place & get you healed up.” y/n said in return of his semi rant as she quickly popped his shoulder back in. she kept him company for the rest of the game, getting him more ice water as they talked & watched the game. it was relaxing, the pair got to have a calm moment in their “stressful” lives.

he didn’t care who she was the sister of— or what family she was from. he was a genuine, caring guy who wanted to be with her. she loved him— she loved everything about her life when he stepped— ran into it with his injury stunt that night. date after date, their relationship went from flirtatious friends to a private but secret relationship. no one knew who got them whipped— but each other.

❀☻ 𓆉☼ ✿

the rest of junior year flew by, as well as her internship with the red wings. at the end of the season, after a great time she was promoted from an intern to a part time assistant for the red wings in her department. summer came & she spent most of it at the lake w/ simon. her parents loved him, and her brothers had no idea of her relationship yet due to the fact they have had summer hockey and couldn’t come home. again, she felt that time slipped away as her brothers wouldn’t even call any more, or text her to check up on her like she did to them.

one night at the lake, the university called & told her that after she graduated that she would have a guaranteed spot for their graduate program, which would have hours for her to go work for the red wings. simon was sitting next to her, trying to watch his girlfriend’s odd expressions on the phone.

“yes— thank you! thank you so much. I cannot wait to sign. alright — see you in a few weeks then!” y/n then quickly hung up, looking over at her confused boyfriend. they were sitting on the dock as she got the call.

“who was that? signing? I’m confused.” he asked her as she leaned over to kiss him happily.

“guess who’s becoming a wolverine again! and a redwing!” she said ecstatically as simon jumped up.

“WHAT?!” he said excited as she jumped up and hugged him tightly.

“yeah!!! I got the graduate program spot & it will let me go part time with the red wings now— this is it!” y/n told him as he spun her around.

“my girlfriend with her big girl job & big girl graduate school!! I’m so proud of you baby. you deserve the world!!” he told her as she started to tear up.

“I— I love you so much si— thank you for being here.” she told him as they held hands walking back up to the house so she can tell her parents.

“always my love. always. are you going to tell your brothers? or just your parents?” he questioned as they walked up the dock.

“just my parents. I’ll wait until I get closer to graduation to tell the boys about my new job & graduate school. I still got a season left as a intern so—“ y/n trailed off as simon stopped her.

“hey— you got time. they are going to be happy for you regardless.” simon told his nervous girlfriend as they walked in the door. “go— celebrate. I’ll be here.” pushing her to go to the dinner table & tell her parents. he watched from behind the corner as she told her parents, taking a few pictures as the moment went on.

it’s like he was freezing the special moment for her in time

❀☻ 𓆉☼ ✿

november came and it was only a month away from graduation. y/n's university life was full of having its "lasts" while simon was cruising through the beginning of the season. he would try to come to her senior banquets if he was off, but y/n knew that the thought counts if he couldn't attend. simon was nervous about it because she knew how her brothers were with her, the stories he has listened to about the hughes brothers ignoring their baby sister. he wanted her to feel loved and he engaged in everything he could for her.

two weeks from graduation; y/n relooked up the graduation date in correlation to her brother's hockey schedules and of course, they didn't line up anymore. she knew that they weren't going to put the effort in to show up, but she still sent a voicemail.

and of course, she waited every day for a call or text back from at least one of them. she would call her mom every day, asking how her and her dad were doing, as well as asking about the boys. nothing on the boys, but at least her parents agreed to come to her college graduation.

she felt like shit the week before graduation, sick with stress. simon was truly worried about his girlfriend, and he couldn't even worry about his stress.

graduation day came and y/n's stress turned into bliss when she was handed her diploma. she couldn't see her group in the crowd, but she could feel the love. simon was sitting with her parents and grandparents in the crowd.

simon sat next to ellen as ellen called frantically all day to get in contact with her sons. again, no answer. "I swear I talk to y/n more than those boys." she told simon and simon tried to laugh it off.

"yeah, y/n knows more about the boys through their insatgram posts than anything else." he tells his future in law as she looks at him, dumbfounded.

"si-- what?" she questions almost angrily. "did y/n never tell you?" he asks as the whole hughes family starts to listen in. "she hasn't actually talked to any of the boys since junior year. they ignore all of her texts and calls, she didn't see them when they would come to detroit......" he continues on and ellen puts the pieces together in her brain. her boys have completely ignored their baby sister, so y/n would always check up on them through her.

———-

instagram

liked by @/colecaufield, _alexturcotte, elblue06 & 87,672 others

y/n.hughes - thanks umich for the best 4, see you soon for grad school! also go redwings as I will be part time with them over my graduate program! ♥️ thankful for my people and life always🥰 #goblue

tagged @/ universityofmichigan, umichhockey, detroitredwings, simonedvinssonn

posted on december 17

limited comments

umichhockey - congrats from all of us here at yost!! 〽️

↳ y/n.hughes - thank you 💙💛

detroitredwings - ❤️🤍

↳ y/n.hughes - excited for this new step with you!!

elblue06 - congrats my girl!! 🥰🥰

↳ y/n.hughes - I love you mama💖 @/elblue06

simonedvinssonn - pretty grad😇

↳ y/n.hughes - min kärlek♥️♥️ (my love) @/simonedvinssonn

trevorzegras - congrats baby hughes! 🤩

nicohischier - congrats hughesy!!! 🥹🥹

load more comments below

———-

❀☻ 𓆉☼ ✿

three ish months later.......

hey, it’s y/n. I’m calling and I know you wouldn’t have answered me— but I’m engaged! I just called to tell you and jack because I already sent a voicemail to q. I love you both & I hope that you can call me or facetime me soon. but if not— I’ll see you when I see you. or if I even see you. bye, lu lu.

another phone call was unanswered and sent to voicemail by her siblings. all she wanted was for them to answer or even just acknowledge their existence. she didn't know why she had been exiled, nothing on simon's & hers relationship was out, she was still at umich -- nothing was adding up. but all three of her older brothers were ghosting her. she felt like they were slipping away from her, but this time -- they truly were.

being engaged and working for the same team as your fiancee was tough for y/n. papers were to be signed, and contracts were to be renegotiated, but everything worked out in simon's and y/n's favor. the rest of the year went smoothly, and playoffs came quick enough. the devils were in and the canucks as well as the redwings were out of the playoffs. meaning the whole hughes family went to new jersey to see jack and luke play. y/n told simon that he could come, and ellen encouraged it. so, the future edvinssons with the hughes parents went to new jersey for the first round.

———-

the airport was awkward as they met quinn there, and then waited for jack and luke to pick all of them up. quinn had grown up significantly since the last time that y/n had seen him in person. his beard was grown out, and he grew into the levelheaded defensive player that the canucks needed and wanted as a captain. his face tensed when he saw his little sister with his family, and a tall blonde man. he had no idea why his mother had that face on.

"hey, how was the flight?" quinn asked his family as he dropped his stuff next to ellen's, engulfing her into a hug. a hug which she reciprocated but then as she let go, she grabbed her eldest son by ear, tugging him to his little sister. y/n and simon stifled a laugh as ellen dragged him to them.

"quintin jerome hughes! I am livid at you and your brothers! ignoring your sister for THAT LONG?!? unacceptable, you are not children anymore." she said as she dropped him off right in front of the couple.

quinn was facing downwards, meaning his eye level was at his little sister's hands, meaning he saw that ROCK on her finger. his head whipped up so fast it almost gave him whiplash. eye to eye, quinn got a good look at his baby sister who was not a baby anymore. she was beautiful, and he had no idea how much time passed until he saw that rock on her finger. "you're engaged?" he questioned her lightly, almost out of breath because he couldn't BELIEVE that his BABY sister was engaged, let alone in a relationship.

"yeah, if you would pick up your damn phone you would have gotten MULTIPLE things from me over the past two years, quintin." she spat back. he was shocked at her anger, but not fully surprised by it. he looked over to her left to see him. the man who stole his little sister's heart, simon edvinsson. he knew who he was as they were both defensemen, as well as luke. they were always in the articles together.

"you're marrying a hockey player, y/n? that's pretty low of you." quinn told her as he watched her face drop.

"unlike you quinn, he actually has time and cares for me. he has ALWAYS been there, unlike some hockey players I know." she tells her older brother, and she laughs at the end. "oh speak of the devil and they shall appear. simon, meet my other two asshole brothers, luke and jack." she pats his shoulder as quinn turns around to see his other brothers.

"hey what's up -- who's the guy y/n?" jack questions as ellen starts to walk over to her other two sons.

"you two are in serious trouble. how could you ghost y/n like this? for this long? unacceptable." ellen says grabbing them both by their ears for a moment and then letting them go.

"boys, meet simon, y/n's fiancé. y/n, go order an uber for you and simon, please." jim asks them and they nod.

"c'mon babe." she says lightly, grabbing their stuff and heading to the uber terminal.

"they aren’t mad, are they?" simon asks, holding her hand. "not at you my love, but a hughes family talk will be done and hopefully my dumbass brothers will realize what they have done wrong." she tells her fiancé.

———-

a day later and its game day. y/n and simon waited until the game to see everyone (so aka the boys could get their shit together). ellen texted y/n that the boys would need to explain it to her. so, like any good sibling, she met them before the game. bright and early at 8am so they could have a good talk. she met them by a coffee shop near the rink, just a simple brunch spot where it should be fine to talk. or so she thought.

all three boys were sitting at a table when she walked in. she was wearing a monochrome black and red outfit, her brunette hair in curls. she had developed a nice look since they last saw her in person. she was glowing, and looked so much like their mom. she smiled softly at them as she sat down.

“did you order yet?” she asked them politely as they all had coffees in front of them.

“no but we did get coffee, I got you a vanilla latte.” luke told his twin sister as he scooted it next to her.

“thanks luke.” she thanked him.

the waitress came over and took their orders, and then it was silent again. jack cleared his throat and quinn took a drink of his coffee. y/n kept looking down at her rings, fiddling with them. it was awkward, all of the hughes siblings were in a way — but especially now.

“you want to start?” quinn asked his younger sister as she looked up.

“yeah. what the fuck.” she stated bluntly as she took a sip of her iced latte. “how, why, when. I want to know everything. I have done everything right. I have no idea what I have done wrong. do you even know how you made me feel? all of you? I have always felt like the outcasted sibling and you all have made it worse over this period of let’s ignore y/n time.” she ranted as she watched all of their faces turn.

“look y/n with everything going on—“ quinn started as y/n bluntly cut him off. “quintin do not fuck with me. I work for an organization in the league and I’m engaged to a player. I know how your schedules work, I keep up with both of your teams on top of the redwings’, and simon still makes time for me. so, do not bullshit me if you guys say “I’ve had no time” or “we didn’t want to bother you.” she told them straight as their food came.

the tension was thick between the four of them. y/n couldn’t even eat, she just stared and drank her coffee.

“we thought you needed space okay? we thought you wanted to be your own person and we are sorry. we made a promise to each other to all back off and not be the overbearing brothers that we were for the past 20 years. I regret it I do because look at you now. graduated, big girl job, engaged?! I regret missing these milestones of your life y/n.” jack says sincerely which made her choke up.

“I’m sorry too y/n, as a twin I have been horrible. I broke our promise of not pushing you away. I wanted to let you have your umich experience on your own for the past two years but I would do anything to go back and tell myself how stupid our idea was to give you space. I love you, I love you sis. I am happy that you got to do what you have always wanted career wise — and honestly, even relationship wise. I haven’t fully met him, but my friends in the league say he is a pretty good guy.” luke rants heartfully as he grabs y/n’s hand.

at this point y/n is looking at a with tears in her eyes. she has always been closest to quinn. seeing his baby sister look at him like she used to when they were toddlers makes his heart ache. how could he be so stupid, how could all of them be so stupid.

“you— you slipped though our fingers, y/n. and I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for graduation, I’m sorry I wasn’t there to buy your first legal drink like I said, I’m sorry for not answering your calls, I’m sorry that I didn’t try harder. you’ve grown up without us for the past two years and I fucking regret it all. I missed hearing your voice and seeing you at games or in our gear. I’m guilty for pushing you away but I’m not guilty about it if that means you got to get your dream job and dream job because we weren’t standing in your light anymore. I love you. we have missed having our little dancing queen in our life, sis. will you take us back?” quinn stutters out and y/n is full on crying in her pancakes.

“I love you boys. I hated that you left — simon hated that you left. but if that means I would get you back again then I would let you do it to me all over again. you are my brothers and I would nev—never not want you in my life. I am still mad but I have worked past it. I love you three to death. luke, jack — lets get you playoff ready, yeah? ice cream?” y/n tells them as they both smile.

quinn is looking at the two boys and their eyes are lit up like christmas. the boys get up and hug their sister tightly and quinn goes to pay the bill. luke and jack lead the way to the ice cream shop down the way, and quinn & y/n follow.

“so, you really love him yeah?” he lightly hits y/n’s shoulder as she blushes.

“yeah I do quinny, he means everything to me.” she mumbles softly as quinn wraps his arm around her shoulder.

“as long as he makes you happy, we approve — but sis; you do know he will still have to pass the hughes brother tests right?” quinn jokes to her as they both laugh.

“simon is up for it if you guys are, but my man is a 6’6 goon so be careful.” she jokes as they meet them at the ice cream shop.

“morning ice cream before playoffs, just like old times when you’d drag us in michigan.” jack tells his younger sister as they make their way to the counter.

“good habits die hard, jacky. time may have slipped but I’m still the same.” she tells him as she orders a mint chocolate chip cone with extra rainbow sprinkles, just like she did as a kid.

———-

instagram

liked by @/ umichhockey, edwards.73, trevorzegras & 127,728 others

y/n.hughes - can finally post these♥️ my secret is out! #engaged💍

tagged - @/ simonedvinssonn

location - hughes lake house

posted april 17

load comments down below

elblue06 - finally got those back!!

↳ y/n.hughes - the perfect planner :) @/elblue06

lhughes_06 - congrats sis🤑

↳ y/n.hughes - love you moose 💖 @/lhughes_06

simonedvinssonn - jag kan inte vänta med att få spendera för alltid med dig min älskade♥️ (I can’t wait to spend forever with you my love)

↳ y/n.hughes - forever by the beach boys baby🤍 @/simonedvinssonn

jackhughes - still need the summer tests but he is approved 🫡

↳ _quinnhughes - our baby sister isn’t a baby anymore 😭 @/jackhughes

trevorzegras - WEDDING BELLSSSS ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

colecaufield - CONGRATS SIS

umichhockey - team 101 reunion???

load more comments down below

———-

since the hughes sibling talk, the hughes family & simon watched every single devils playoff game together, as a family. the devils went all the way to the stanley cup finals, everyone was ecstatic for it as luke & jack were not having record breaking seasons. y/n was happy to be there in person to see her brothers shine. she missed it. but she was even happier to see her brothers get along with her fiancé, especially quinn. simon and quinn bonded fast as they watched all of the games, side by side.

two years ago, if she told herself that her brothers would be back in her life and being on good terms with her fiancé, enough to even be civil while watching the cup together - she would have laughed. now…. she can’t imagine it any different. time slipped by and the hughes siblings grew apart, but not even time can break the bond of the siblings. it just grew stronger.

if y/n knew that this would be the outcome of growing apart from her siblings — she’d let it all happen again; in a heartbeat.

#1 800 iluvhockey #1 800 iluvhockey fic #a’s summer special 🌊#hughes siblings fic #slipping through my fingers fic

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unknownpisces002 · 5 months

Text

GREEN MILE.

“ Losing my mind, think I look good when I’m really just high. Scared of my life, can a bitch get by? Sick of listening to everyone else. Sick of my pride, sick of just saying shit, just to be nice. Sick of this world, how do I get by? Miles running wild in my head.”

Giovanna Ramos X Black Fem.

Summary

“Clarity is a state of mind. And freedom ain’t real either, so who’s sold you that lie?” A love story told in a therapy session, about two young girls that were once mad for one another. By a recovering drug addict, who’s life revolves entirely around the green mile of North Carolina.

That she so desperately wants to escape.

Word count: 2,259

Themes: friends to lovers, LGBT, derealization, coming out of the closet, growth, homophobia, substance abuse, summer, violence, mental health, religion, family problems and secrets, young adults, mature, self discovery, eventual fluff, eventual smut, therapy, North Carolina, countryside, poverty, trauma, urban romance, urban fiction, ghetto.

Divider by: @firefly-graphics

Author’s Note

hi everyone! this is a story that i decided to transfer over from my wattpad account. that i recently just started at the end of december. because i felt the need to share it here, over on this platform as well.

so that all of you guys would also be able to read/ give me feedback on how it is, and what you’d like to see occur? as the story progresses on. so i hope that you all like it, and also feel free to follow me on wattpad as well! my username is supersensitivepisces on there 🧚🏽

also, inspiration to create this story? came from my love for Giovanna. ( she’s so aesthetically pleasing flf me.) as well as a movie that i had been watching, the day that i decided to publish this onto my account back in december.

PROLOGUE.

" I'll never meet a girl like you again. Out of everything I lost, I lost a friend. Tryna get over you, tryna convince myself every night. It's just another night, even though deep down I'm traumatized."

HASSAN

4 hassan

U r the omega of my heart. The foundation 4 my concept of love, when I think of what a black woman should be. It's you that I first think of.

_____________________________________________

U will never fully understand how deeply my heart feels for you. I worry that we'll grow apart, and I'll end up losing you.

____________________________________________

U bring me to a climax without sex, and u do it all with regal grace. U r my heart in human form, a friend I could never replace.

____________________________________________

– from gio.

___________

11/7/18

Oak City Therapy

Lillington, NC

" When I was younger, around like five or six years old? I used to bug my mom and tell her about how I wanted to be a firefighter. So I could save lies and put out fires? Like the people who I'd watch on tv would do."

Tapping the tips of her fingertips onto the dark oak wood coffee table, that was located in the center of the dim lit office room. Giovanna kept her head facing downwards.

Finding that, refusing to make direct eye contact with her therapist of 3 years, who was named Marsha? Was far more comfortable and peaceful for her nerves, as well as her emotional state.

That had so desperately wanted to crumble and falter, into tiny small pieces of despair. But you see, that was the one thing on this fucked up planet, we call earth? That Giovanna was against.

Showing emotions and allowing herself to be vulnerable? Were just two things she'd rather die over, before she'd allow them to be seen by the entire world.

Or in this specific case? Her friends, along with her father. Who had played a humongous part, in why she chose to be nonchalant while acting unfazed? About majority of the things that would occur inside of her life.

".. I too? Used to dream of being a firefighter myself. When I was around that exact age, but I'm assuming that specific dream of yours must've gotten lost. Somewhere down the line as you aged up? If you aren't uncomfortable telling me about why or how? That occurred.."

Marsha eased her way into questioning the young woman who sat before her, slowly and hesitantly. Making sure that each of the words she'd spoken? Came out soft, in a calm and delicate manner.

As she leaned her backside up against her office chair, with eyes full of hope and wonder. That held a bit of gloominess inside them as well too. Once she noticed the way that Giovanna's breathing had begun to pick up a bit.

Just as her short, but not too short fingernails, that were painted a matte black color? Had begun to dig into the surface of the desk she sat at. Almost as if she were trying to dig a deep hole into the center of it, that would allow her to shield and hide herself away?

From having to answer the difficult question? That had been asked of her.

" ..I wouldn't say that my passion to accomplish that specific dream? Got lost. Because even after my mom had passed away, from having cancer? Apart of me still wanted to pursue that goal. But at the same time? Another part of me, like the part that held high hopes and expectations for things? Had diminished inside of me completely, after I lost my mom.."

" ..And I'm not really sure that if me being an only child, plays a part in that? Because don't get me wrong, I was loved wholeheartedly? By both of my parents equally when I was younger. But I don't know...sometimes now? Like when I'm alone or high from being off pills or something? I start to realize that really? It was only my mom that had loved me wholeheartedly back then.."

" Instead of it being my dad."

" And why is it, that you feel as if your father doesn't love you Giovanna?" Marsha continued to ask all the questions, that were written down onto her clipboard hesitantly.

Feeling an unsettling sensation begin to wash over her slowly. When Giovanna had taken it upon herself to shift around inside her seat. Which allowed the left sleeve of her oversized sweatshirt to rise. And give Marsha the opportunity, to catch a glimpse of all the fresh and faded scar markings that were present there.

From Giovanna, inflicting a significant amount of self harm unto herself.

" I know that he doesn't love me? Because he's voiced that statement every single day. Over the last twelve years? Repeatedly." Giovanna chuckled bitterly, all while gnawing on the inside of her jaw using her teeth.

" Me being a lesbian? Probably is another one of the reasons why he hates me too. But all in all? He just doesn't love or care for me period? In the way that a normal father would love their child."

And that fact alone? Was sadly true.

" Him not loving me or treating me properly? Doesn't bother me at all though. Because I'm used to it now, and I know that me saying that? Probably sounds stupid right? And it might also make you assume that I may or may not have Stockholm syndrome? Being that I'm okay with the fact that my father's been treating me like shit, while sometimes abusing me and more? For over twelve years."

" Yes, the way that you are going on about how his lack of love and affection, doesn't bother you? Does raise a few red flags for me. As far as you possibly being a victim of having Stockholm syndrome? But it also makes me worry more about your emotional and mental state? Even more. Being that when you really sit and sum up the timeframe, of you losing your mother? Down to your father's continuous abuse?"

" It seems that through all of that? You haven't been able to feel any of the proper care, love or attention? That a person who's endured losing a parent at a young age? Should get to feel. And that may also be another reason, as to why you feel the need to be so distant. While hiding away your true feelings, because honestly Giovanna? I'm gonna tell you something from my own personal experiences with life."

"..That have helped me find closure and peace? Within myself. After being a victim of my own? To some of the same exact problems that you've been having."

Sitting her clipboard aside, after grabbing a few tissues out of the box that was towards her right. Marsha had begun opening up about her past life, to Giovanna. As a way to encourage the younger woman and try to get through to her in a way, that talking and asking simple therapy questions? Couldn't do.

But of course? As always, Giovanna didn't care to hear any of it. Which allowed every word that left from out of Marsha's mouth, to enter inside of one ear, and come floating directly through the other.

Just as she found herself beginning to grow a bit offended, once Marsha had begun to talk about love and relationships. And how someone in Giovanna's state, didn't really need to engage in any form of romantic or sexual interactions? With another person.

Due to the lack of her father not showing her enough love or care properly? When she was a young age.

" I've been in love before." Were the first few words that left from out of Giovanna's mouth. As she cut into the middle of Marsha's speech, not really caring or giving a fuck if she had come off rude or not? After doing so.

" I'm actually in love right now? If you want me to be honest. I'm just not on speaking terms with the person? Who owns the other half of my heart right now."

" Really?" Marsha questioned slowly, sounding a bit shocked and caught off guard by Giovanna's statement.

" Mm-hm." Giovanna nodded her head slowly, feeling a small smile begin to form at the corners of her lips. Once the thought of her distant and angelic lover? Had begun to enter inside of her mind slowly.

" And why aren't the two of you on speaking terms? If you don't mind me asking."

" Because I'm..." Trailing off at the end of her sentence, Giovanna had begun to still her breathing. Just as her dark brown eyes started to glisten, and blur her vision up with tears.

" Because you're what, Giovanna?" Marsha pressed her for an answer, knowing almost immediately? What the younger girls response would've been like, once she re-opened up her mouth to speak.

" ..I'm damaged goods, Miss Marsha.."

" Like I have a heart, of course? And I know how to love and treat someone properly, even though I myself? Never got to receive that same exact treatment, from the people I deserved it from. I still know how to love and treat someone good? Despite that. But I just..."

" You're just a product of your environment. And even though treating someone kindly and loving them correctly? Doesn't come difficult. Sometimes accepting back that same love and energy? Can be a bit difficult. When all you've ever known was toxicity and dysfunction."

" But see, the thing about me accepting it back? Wasn't the problem Miss Marsha. The problem was my self esteem and my communication. Because there were times when I said things out of anger or out of being afraid? That had drove Hassan away from me too."

" Hassan?" Marsha repeated the name of Giovanna's lover slowly. " Hassan is such a pretty name, and I'm sure that she must be a pretty girl too? With how emotional and vulnerable you're getting while talking about her."

And that? She was indeed.

But of course, pretty? Wouldn't even be a suitable word to describe her at all. Because you see, Hassan? Was angelic. Just like everything else about her personality and character? Was too.

" Experiencing her love and even the attention she gave to me, before we ever became a thing? Was a privilege I wish that I never took for granted." Giovanna answered quietly, picking with the bracelet on her arm, that was giving to her by Hassan herself.

" And I know before, when I had first gotten here? I told you about how growing up as a child, with both of my parents while my mom was still alive? Was the time period where my want to do lots of things? Had been very strong."

" But even when she died and my dad became more hostile towards me? I still craved to be something or let alone somebody? Who'd be great. I just didn't know how or where to start first? For me to be able to accomplish any of those things period? Until I met Hassan.."

"..And she came into my world, allowing everything that once looked black and white? Turn colorful and vibrant. So that I could be guided out of my selfish, stuck up ways, and be the person who she swore up above to God and the heavens? That I was created to be."

" And what kind of person was that?" Marsha found herself growing a bit emotional as time passed, as she sat with her arms folded tightly. Trying not to make a fool out of herself, for crying and weeping over her client's newfound vulnerability and bravery.

That she had gained out of the blue, due to talking about her past. Or in this case? Still present lover. Who she wholeheartedly still loved very deeply, to this day.

" The kind of person who always showed patience and kindness, despite being robbed of all their goodness and purity? Far too early than I should've been. That's the kind of person? She saw me as. Even through the good, the bad and the ugly? She always looked at me, with eyes that held so much love and adoration. That at often times? I'd get scared."

" While wondering how a person like me? Could win over the heart of someone like her, you know? But even then after everything that's happened and changed over the years? I'd never stop loving her ever."

" And why is that Giovanna?"

" Because finding someone who'd love you through any and everything, despite the fact that you might not even deserve it at all? Is very fucking rare these days."

" And I have Hassan's heart? In the same exact way she has mine. So why would I ever let go or move onto someone else? When I know for certain that we'll find our way back to one another. Just like we always have? During the past."

" And you're willing to wait however long it may take, until that day ends up coming?"

" Oh? Absolutely." Giovanna's head nodded up and down quickly. " If I had to wait another year or even ten more? I'd do it without question."

" Because Hassan is worth the wait. And if I ended up having to grow old and wrinkly, just for that day to come back to me? I wouldn't have a problem with it at all."

" ..I'd just accept her back into my life fully, with open arms. Because that's all I've been wanting again and looking forward to? For the last two years."

if you’d like to be tagged in the next part? just comment below. & also feel free to leave thoughts down there as well too!

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dolleriumfluffle · 1 month

Text

Daydreams, Ghosts, and Plurality - Experiences of a Dreamway System

I think, in writing this, our goal is just to give a glimpse into our personal experience with identifying as dreamway, and how deep of an impact being neuronarrative has on our plurality. We saw a post about someone wanting more plurals to just write about experiences - so, here's some of ours, to share about ourselves, to ramble, and in hopes that someone might connect.

Our first ever signs of plurality as a child were through daydreams.

For as long as we can possibly remember, we've been traveling. Even as a very young child we lived a constant life of daydreams, of worlds we could disappear into in our head - and, more importantly, the people we met in them. Some of them were fictional; the fairies of the Pixie Hollow movies and the cures from the existing Pretty Cure seasons, both things we grew up with and deeply loved. These were perhaps our first experiences of walk-ins, as they would appear in and leave our daydream worlds as they pleased. Others were self-made, and would continue to appear with us until we had our first syscovery - a grey kitsune and an angel, who would protect and care for us on our journeys.

Our daydreams have always had a spiritual component, one that we would never really understand until we became an adult and learned about astral travel. We continually had spiritual beings appear to us in our daydreams, such as yokai like the kitsune and fae-like beings - and, most concerningly to others, dead relatives of ours and friends. We once told a schoolmate in elementary school that we had seen her grandma who passed away a few years prior. Her deeply superstitious mother proceeded to tell our poor aunt that she believed we were cursed.

We used to journal to each other as a child, writing to each other by name and creating journal entries in the form of letters. People, including us, dismissed it as an overactive imagination. However, it felt so fulfilling to us to write about our day and know that somehow, the people in our daydreams would see it, and sometimes even write back.

As we got into our teenage years, we began to be aware of these daydream characters as more than just daydreams - they were alive, they existed separately and had their own thoughts and feelings. We confessed to an online friend at the time that we had "people in my head" that lived in "my own world", which would eventually lead to our first syscovery. This initial group is who we sometimes call "the original 12" - a series of 12 system members who have been around since we were very young, appearing as daydreams until we realized who we really were.

We were very confused about our origins at first. We hung out in tulpamancy groups for a brief time, wondering if this was maybe how we had come about. However, we soon realized it just didn't resonate, so we moved on to some general endogenic groups and forums. We really appreciate the people we met during this time, who were kind to us in a period where we really had no idea what was happening with us.

Having a headspace always came very naturally to us. We never really understood how to describe creating and interacting with one, because to us we had always been daydreaming about ours. It was an incredibly in depth other world with its own rules, its own people, its own life. Even before we knew the extent of it, daydreaming had a huge impact on how we interacted with each other and how we navigated our own plurality.

After some very stressful life events, the coming awareness of our amnesia, and a while with a good therapist, we were diagnosed with HC-DID.

This led to a long period of self hatred and fear, where we were less sure than before about our life and each other. Thankfully, with the help of therapy and finally having a good support system, we were able to recover from this part of our journey. However, even after this we still had a strong sense that there was more to our origins.

This was when we discovered the term dreamway and the origin paragenic, which hadn't yet been coined when we had our first syscovery. Suddenly, everything made sense! There were people like us! Our daydreams, paracosms, and paras were an essential part of our system, and this was a known experience.

We're extremely grateful for that discovery. Our paracosms are an inherent part of our headspace - many of our introjects used to be para versions of fictional characters. We are able to travel freely between them, continually encountering new people, new worlds, new lives. There is a strange spiritual component to them; we've often heard people say that "paras usually know they're in a daydream," and this isn't true for us. They exist autonomously of our daydreams about them, almost as if they really are in another world, unless they get pulled into the main system and gain awareness of it. Similarly, we can use our headspace for spiritual means, using daydreams and astral travel to encounter entities of all kinds.

We feel greatly at peace with ourselves having discovered daydreams and connected spirituality as an essential part of our system and its origins. There is a lot of joy to us in being mixed origin - in knowing that even there our initial splits were due to programming, there is so much more to us, so much that has in fact helped us cope and stick together since that initial split.

At the end of the day, we want people to know that being mixed origin can be amazing, and can be an essential tool to a system's growth. We hope maybe other neuronarrator plurals or plurals with MaDD may see this and relate, and also we just want to spread more posts about joyful in depth system experiences. Thank you for reading!

#dollerium speaks #no member tag since a handful of people contributed to this #plural things #plural #plurality #pluralgang #neuronarrator #neuronarration #madd #plural community #plural system #endo safe #endo safe blog #pro endo #mixed origin system #uhhj what other plural tags to put this in #we are half asleep at work I'll think of more later #paragenic #actually plural

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the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see · 15 days

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what is this jean/Jeremy/Kevin thing it looks interesting and the art is cool

oh boy oh boy!!!!!!!! i am absolutely going through it anon. so basically there is this book series called all for the game by nora sakavic that you should totally read (the first book is called the foxhole court -- but please check out a list of trigger warnings for it because it is very heavy and deals with a lot of serious and painful topics. i myself have had to disconnect for some of the scenes and come back when i was ready; its completely okay to do so, or to not read the books at all if its uncomfortable). its about gay athletes, guys just going through the absolute worst, the yakuza, fucked up families, a running game of how pathetic can you get answered in 15 different ways by each person, fucked up relationships, all not-so-neatly packaged into a completely made up fictional sport. (its funny because i am NOT a sports person and barely even understand cricket even though i watch it all the time, but i know the rules of exy forwards, backwards, and inside out. its that serious.)

i also need to warn you that the first book is slow. the second book is also kind of slow. i personally didnt have any trouble with it because im more of a character reader and aftg had PLENTYYY to keep me busy, but i think its a fair warning if youre sensitive to pace. however. the payoff is so incredibly worth it. its an amazing read with obsession-worthy characters, detailed and balanced plot beats, flowing and natural dialogue, very creative sports , and the relationships will make you want to reread it twenty thousand times. the romance is also the slowest burn to ever burn. if youre going in for romance at the start, you Will Not Get what you want -- but you will get it. i think we as a fandom focus on the romances a lot (im new so dont take my word for it) but its 1) because we're tumblr dont come and 2) because the romances and relationships are incredibly interesting to see through the lens of the books and vice versa. what i really love most (and youll see this in the ec doc) is that it feels like each and every choice was deliberately made by the author to make the book. like. down to the ice cream flavor they get at one point. especially with the sunshine court, i feel like i can see exactly where she made a choice and what mightve happened if that choice wasnt made. its intoxicated to read. it feels like breathing and it feels like drowning.

i just read the sunshine court (where jean and jeremy are more from) so thats what all the recent stuff has been, but you should read the foxhole court series first for it to make sense. i think tsc is 100000x times better and better written than tfc but you have to work for it lol. and!!!!! the author is on tumblr (@/korakos)! also if you do read it, please tell me!!!!!! you can keep sending anons or you can dm me or you can come to my house and live in my room but tell me!!!!! theres also an extra content doc (thanks @jeansyvesmoreau for sending this to me) between the series' (so after the kings men, before the sunshine court) that you should definitely definitely read. but im getting ahead of myself.

i hope that helps?? or at least doesnt hurt. if you liked the raven cycle by maggie stiefvater, i think this is a good step up. let me know if you have any questions at all!!

okay ive been normal for this whole thing, ranting and incoherent noises below cut:

ANON ITS SOOOOOOOOOOOO GOOD ITS SO GOOD. ITS SO GOOD. i told mel this but i cant possibly say i love these books because its not necessarily love. its not something i can explain but youll get it if you read it. there is a piece of my soul that was carved out, reformed, and then put back into me by nora sakavic. i dont think ill ever be the same again. i need a therapist who has read these books so they can understand exactly what im going through. each character was like a bomb to me. jean moreau is like a straitjacket. they mean so much to me. theyre nothing. i hate them. i need to feed them breakfast. OUGHHHHHHHHORGHEURGHEOGH. there is so much grief entangled with them but they are so vibrant and full of life it hurts. i cant stop thinking about them. i finished tsc yesterday and ive been sobbing ever since. i am dead serious. i cried myself to sleep last night thinking about one of the characters. i need you to know how real i am being.

i think if i meet nora sakavic i will probably kill her. just fully black out and kill her and not even know it. so i wont meet her for the better! but i need this to be out there. my fingers hurt from typing all this but know that there is MORE in my head. so much more. i am fit to burst with it all. love you anon thanks for asking

#asks #the tree speaks #ily anon #aftg #all for the game #the sunshine court #nora sakavic

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synf3ll · 10 months

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unpopular opinion, apparently, but it is so rude and unnecessary to say that people who consider their F/Os important in their lives are stupid and need to get other hobbies.

recently, a poll went around that asked about whether or not having an F/O is considered cheating to an IRL partner. the poll in-and-of itself is completely fine and respectful, but some of a lot of the notes on it were very disrespectful.

(everyone in this post being used as examples has their usernames cropped out -- they do not deserve direct harrassment, please do not go seeking them out. i don't mean to single out these people specifically, i am only using their comments because i remembered them and feel they're good representations of a larger problem.)

these comments come from a different post which was influenced by the poll i mentioned:

(do i need to explain why calling this sort of mindset "insane" is inappropriate lol)

it is not your place to tell someone where their F/O stands in their life. if, to them, a partners' attraction towards fictional characters feels inappropriate, it is their right to discuss it with their partner and work it out. if someone wants to avoid certain people because they believe their friends would be uncomfortable, it's not your job to tell them they can't do that.

maybe it's ridiculous to you. i can understand how that might be. but some of us have worse social difficulties than you -- personally, i don't have friends. i don't have family. of course my F/O is the most important person in my life; i don't have anyone but them. yes, it's fucking pathetic, but you are not my therapist. who do you think you are to tell people they need to get a life? don't you think i (and people like me) have been trying?

do you not remember that this is a coping skill for some people? obviously, escapism is not the best coping mechanism as it encourages disconnection with reality in vulnerable people, but there's far worse things to use as coping mechanisms. it's only a "not appropriate" coping mechanism when it is directly harming other people -- taking selfshipping seriously does not harm other people. (i guess one could argue it might harm the user, but we all know what the consequences might be and actively choose to continue, so we accept responsibility for whatever happens.)

all of this feels very anti-fictosexual and anti-aspec. sorry we'd rather be in fictional relationships than real ones? and i do agree that it's over-the-top to end relationships solely because of this, but again, it's not our place to decide that for other people.

and i'd argue it's borderline ableist to insist we need to drop fictional characters for real people. i've been trying in the best way i know how, but i still can't form relationships. maybe it's the autism, maybe it's the attachment disorder, but people just don't like me and i don't like them. i turned to fictional relationships because i was tired of putting everything into real relationships and getting nothing in return. it's less exhausting, caring for someone who isn't real, than caring for people who have the potential to care for you and still don't. it's easy for people to say stuff like this when they have IRL relationships to fall back on.

it is fine and okay for people to have different levels of importance in regards to their F/Os. some people are very casual about selfshipping, some are not. that's how it is with literally everything. not everything is important to everyone and that's fine and good, but you don't get to be an asshole to people who have different opinions about it.

#selfship #self ship #self ship community #discourse #fictosexual #fictoromantic #og

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chand-ki-priyatama · 1 month

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Ek khat ek captain dost ke naam

@paapi I friend you for life

Your name "MAYUR" typically matches your personality , the elegant, regal and disciplined vibes you give off damn....

I'll nickname you "WILLOW" the reason well...

And your communication skills , accent , vocabulary , please don't mind but I wanna steal all that bw I already told you this have'nt I ???

Although I can express all this on a call or text too but , I am a writer (Aisa mujhe lagta hai) and writers don't speak or write they bleed ink on paper , so these are my feelings for you in the form of a letter....

So ye khat aapke naam from your friend Kaya ek kaviyitri aur lekhika....

You are the only one who actually understood my persona rather than trying to change it....

Someone who feels like a mentor

Someone who is a therapist to me (I am sorry but I had to write this)

Dear Peacock Mayur,

I hope this letter finds you in good health , I never nicknamed you again cause the one I gave you didn't approve it , but you attribute alot to a willow , The willow tree symbolizes flexibility . A big part of your purpose in this world is to learn, grow, and evolve through challenging times of adversity. The willow tree is capable of bending in outrageous poses without snapping..... And that's you these are the attributes of your personality....

I still vividly remember how we first interacted on the server , when you were praising me in the rp server and then me as usual talking about shivji and you saying about mahakaleshwar and yeah ofc the chaar dhaam yatra.... You know you can sponsor my chaar dhaam I won't mind

And then making a Spotify blend with you just to get a 99 percent match like damn I never get this high match with anyone still it would have been 100 percent if not for Kpop cause I don't listen to that music....

And then having a VC with you and the first thought I had after listening your voice , how can someone have such a beautiful voice truly euphonious and your accent let's not go there otherwise this letter would end in me fan-girling....

I just love to interact with you like how can someone be so mature and understanding....

And kindly drop the secrets cause I am in dire need of being mature.....

"You are someone who's existence will always be dear to me"

Our friendship was something which I didn't even expect and it was something I could never even think of but yeah the most beautiful friendships are unexpected.....

We are always together in everything although not physically but whenever you see the stars and moon remember that they bind me together with everyone and whenever you feel alone just look at them somewhere I am doing that too...

They bind me to you

You are one of the most supportive person out there , I mean whenever I talk to you it doesn't feel as if I only know you for days....

You feel like koi fariyad song soft melody after tiring rock music....

How can someone be so perfect in every sense I mean how....

I won't associate you with a fictional character , cause you are a like a man written by a woman, perfect in every sense...

These are your vibes according to me :-

I still have alot to know about you.... yeah I know I speak so much that you don't get the turn to speak....

You know how I am talkative af , clingy , moody , irritating and to an extent thodi si nakchadi hu but that's how I am , I know I irritate you alot but that's how I am and that's why people leave me , so sorry for all the times when I irritated you....

And yeah I will throw a kdrama at you although I don't watch any except one which I only know so I'll throw king the land at you cause that's the only I have watched and I dare you to do what you said I'll not spare you.....

Now imagine we met and you know my obsession with Polaroids so think these pics as them...

I know deep down somedays you might also feel as if you are alone as if things are not going the way you want them to , somedays you might also feel pretty exhausted but just remember that its life ups and downs are bound to come , you'll always be a part of my prayers....

If you were a colour I'd say you as sage green cause people with sage green personalities Often are found to be perfectionists, with the great admiration for details. That is why they tend to be good researchers. Winning arguments comes easy to them and their strong-willed character makes them unwilling to accept the authority..... And yeah according to me you have all these traits....

अजीब दास्ताँ है ये कहाँ शुरू कहाँ ख़तम

I associate these lyrics to our friendship cause as I said unexpected in a way which I didn't imagine....

You are one of the most sweetest , kindest and beautiful being I ever met....

Last few days were tough for me so thank you for always being there for me and supporting me throughout....

I lost my faith in friendship way too early but thanks to you and few others that you revived it....

I don't know after writing this too I feel I am short of words , you have been there for me , for you friendships like this might not matter that much but for me it's something I'll cherish forever cause these aren't little things when I'll look back they'll be very beautiful memories....

Now imagine me playing a guitar and singing this song to you...

"Will you take a moment?

Promise me this

That you'll stand by me forever

But if, God forbid, fate should step in

And force us into a Goodbye

If you have children someday

When they point to the pictures

Please tell them my name

Long live the walls we crashed through

I had the time of my life with you"

I'll dedicate these lyrics to you.....

Just so you know I love you to the moon and back and will always appreciate and cherish your existence and our friendship.....

I'll dedicate these songs to you and it's voice notes well I'll send them to you....

Now I think I have spoken enough

So signing off Willow aka peaco Mayur

With love always

Kaya 💗

#desi tumblr #desiblr #desi tag #desi teen #desi aesthetic #Spotify

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