#by which i dont mean eventually maybe we could be actual close friends i just mean like. how could we be better hw partners to each other

[fictionfixations]

Kalim in RSA (and I get off-topic)

Spoilers for Book 4 and 5 (im sorry jamil enjoyers. but im so biased towards kalim its not even funny)

(this spiraled into me talking all about kalim in the actual game so oops)

imagine how different the story would be if kalim was in RSA

and we just hear from jamil about these snippets about his 'master' (although itd be weird they'd be separated if jamil tended to him often to where he'd prob be like his personal servant? idk what situation would have jamil talk to us anyway but yknow maybe we get close, he's like the other friend who seems cool? he'll basically help us out with knowledge about things, fleshing out the world a bit more, as the only sophomore in the group cause he kind of feels responsible maybe? then BETRAYAL)

and then eventually partway through the school year KALIM IS THERE (we know why though) and he somehow ends up housewarden.

i have a dislike against RSA. its very petty and its kind of because they keep winning (and they dont even mean ill intent which is worse! …but its kind of like kalims kindness. and i like kalim but that might make me biased. SO. thus the existence of this.)

we probably wouldnt like him much right? (and i imagine he'd get his fair share of bullies. we find this out. he laughs it off like 'nah, im used to attempted assassinations and everything. this isnt nearly as bad.')

(id do the clapping between but ppl get annoyed, and i get annoyed) CUE KALIM BEING MORE THAN SMILES AND WE LEARN THAT ABOUT HIM !!

HES aware enough that he can cook food good using JUST magic (which takes precision to use it as good or even better than your hands right??. its in his labwear vignette. ruggies teaching him ofc so ruggie wants it to be good cause hes taking leftovers, BUT CMOONNN he can learn. ..and yeah it took a few years for jamil to teach kalim antidotes to common poisons so he could do it easy but kalims hardly a master at making potions so i call that good)

AND in book 5 he noticed vil had like the same look as jamil to where he knew something was going to go wrong (aka the poisoning)

maybe its to show how much kalim doesnt belong in NRC and thats why they dont pull the 'more than he looks at first glance' like cater with glimpses in vignettes and etc

but like COME ON.

the sultan might be dumb (i recently re-watched aladdin) but at least he knew enough that he didnt want jafar marrying his daughter cause hes OLD and also he doesnt want to force jasmine into anything (good intentions. im sure if they just waited and she didnt find a suitor in time he would've just CHANGED THE LAW like he did IN THE MOVIE because he wants her to be happy!)

ALSo he tried to look through the law jafar claimed to say that would make her have to be married to the vizier or whatever (aka jafar) but then jafar just pulled it away before he could (and then attempted to mind control him when he refused) mans was prepared to spend hours reading over it even if he didnt understand it but he wasnt given the chance

also kalim is worryingly nonchalant about stuff. i mean. you can get used to horrible things to where they just feel so normal and uninmportant i guess? but poor bby. hes been like 'i want to keep myself alive because if i die then someone else will get punished.' or like about poisoning, if someone has a change of mind and hes already dead, then he cant do something to help them, so he has to make sure he'll live.

..i really doubt that hes just. so oblivious. maybe in denial, but still.

anyway i got very off topic. my bad. and to be fair we do get to see more of him at some parts. but hhh

okay listen. denial. (i am also a believer that if when kalim confronted jamil, if he said he didnt do anything kalim wouldve believed him. bruh gave him excuses like '..i just got tired, right?')

"The real Jamil would never do such things! He's a good guy. He's always helping me, giving me a shoulder to lean on, and—" (Book 4 • Chapter 33)

we just. dont see him really crumble?? he just. keeps being optimistic

we convince him jamil is bad. he resolves to punch him for being a traitor and THATS IT?

he sobs at the end of jamils overblot but then he goes back to being optimistic like 'lets be equals!' (..it feels like he didnt really learn much though as he's still 'I didn't notice--' 'I--' and i wish he couldve gotten more awareness. cause he makes it about himself yknow and blaming himself but COME ON put some blame on jamil PLEASE? or like. ANYONE ELSE. you also cant notice shit if no one ever tells you about it that you dont even know to look for it! he doesnt want to be cautious about who he can trust so like, why would he think to doubt the person who hes known his entire life??? especially if its something that was just always there that it feels natural, how could he know better? hes sheltered! so someone shouldve explained it to him, made him realize things! aghhh)

heres the book 5 one btw

"I got a real bad feeling when I saw the look on your face after Neige's rehearsal. It was practically the same look I saw on Jamil's face when he lost control of himself over holiday break." (Book 5 • Chapter 62)

And I mean maybe he did learn in that he's more aware of this now than others because he knows what people could look like because of Jamil, but I feel like a lot of things were just so unsaid. That the first time blindsided him, but now he's kind of a little more worried about something happening while he's there that he didn't notice so now he's trying to notice things more??? Or like maybe having gut feelings that he'd ignored before because it was Jamil but now knowing better?

So he can be aware. but then the rest of the time he's just thought of as dumb or an idiot or forgetful and it just makes me sad. and i mean i get that he wants to see the best in people but we never really talk about how its more that its denial. a refusal to see it, and i want to understand why

or maybe its because he sees the good in people that he trusts they'll do the right thing. or he believes that the good outweigh the bad (although i dont know if it'd be the same case if it was someone he knew who got hurt)

like. okay back in book 5

"Besides, I would bet there isn't a single person in Scarabia who hasn't gotten help from Jamil at some point. Am I right?"

"See? There you go. He's been a model vice housewarden. In fact, he's put me to shame. He let dark thoughts get the better of him for a brief time. Other than that, he's a perfectly capable guy." (Book 5 • Chapter 10)

He justifies it with that Jamil isn't the only one to blame (he also blames himself), and that Jamil hadn't done anything wrong before then

which. AGAIn. means that in his eyes the good outweigh the bad. jamils better at his duties so jamil should stay as vice housewarden.

this was the first time jamil did anything bad so it'd be fine, it was just an error in judgment

AGHHh

nothing about the fact that his closest friend he views as a brother

"He's grown up with Jamil since a young age, and considers him a brother in all but blood." (from the In-game Album)

who would be the last person he'd expect to do such a thing BETRAYS HIM, planning to make everyone (or well just the people in scarabia) turn against him

like. that has to be a shock right??? AND THEN HE JUST. welcomes him back into his life like it was nothing im just. kALIM. SWEETIE.

and i mean i get its for the best since if anyone knew what actually happened anything could happen to jamil (and jamil has his own reasons i get that but this is about kalim)

but he still hangs around him. has him as his aide. so while something did change, it also feels like nothing changed at the same time.

"I'm always chosen. Always. That's such an obvious truth that I never even consciously processed it. But now I see that was only possible because of Jamil's constant sacrifices. He created that "truth" in my mind by always holding back. By always letting me win. ...It stings. "Galling" doesn't even begin to describe it." (Book 5 • Chapter 30)

also like one of the very few times he expresses how he feels about something (how it hurts not to be chosen for the first time, and/or that he was only chosen because of someone else so he wants to work hard)

and then grim shuts him down with "You wanna talk about galling? Imagine how I feel not even makin' the cut for the audition to start with."

like. COME ON.

Kalim responds with, "Ah, you're right. My bad! I didn't mean to rub it in. Goodness, there I go again! I'm super sorry, honest."

and yeah it can seem kind of spoiled but also. its probably because of that that he doesnt want to share his troubles because he's very privileged so it feels like he might not deserve to act like its anything when everyone else has to work so much harder, right?

AND ITS JUST. REAFFIRMING TO HIM THAT his troubles are nothing compared to anyone elses and im just aghhauihduadhw

he also cares a lot about other people (people like him as housewarden because he listens to their troubles and supports them) so i just. want him to be able to take a moment to care about himself and just admit these things that he usually doesnt get the chance to.

i got a lot more worked up than i meant to

#twst rsa #kalim al asim #twisted wonderland #thoughts #twst #twst wonderland #jamil viper #aladdin #royal sword academy #does this count #character analysis #analysis #bad analysis #twst book 4 #twst book 4 spoilers #twst book 5 spoilers #twst book 5 #twst spoilers #writing ideas #fic ideas

[proteuus]

.

#every relationship between any two people is so special and unique and its just so . agh ! #everyone is a little broken and all we can do is start by building shaky bridges and try our best to cross them carefully.... #in any capacity. it doesnt matter the context or extent of the relationship #even just like. my old stats partner who i meet up with sometimes to do hw with. #thats a very casual relationship but still one that can be improved and strengthened #by which i dont mean eventually maybe we could be actual close friends i just mean like. how could we be better hw partners to each other #and thats one of the fundamentals of life and of team development #((its this boy. you know when someone tells you smth new abt them and youre like ah. right. we are all broken and continually healing.)) #((all we can do is cautiously build up shaky bridges and walk back and forth across them and thats all there is. i remember now)) #anyhow goodnight #(((i definitely misstepped w him but i am well intentioned and now i know and i will try and do better next time. and thats all there is))) #(((but we did some good bridge building today. more than i was expecting. i think by accident. idk what will happen next. but))) #(((the world is strange like that.)))

[princesssmars]

cant live without a poly ship so pjhazel with reader...light (?) nsfw. making out and allusions to more. fem cheerleader reader. are there any pj fics i mean this is rachel sennot we're talkin about. not gonna proofread we die like jeff should have. reuploading bc tumblr hates me and wont make my posts show up on the tags.

maybe reader is a cheerleader who both of the girls have a crush on, made difficult by them being...friends. aka pj has had a crush on hazel for years and has tried to stomp it down into the dust while hazel tries to forget about her feelings. which definitely always works.

you probably didnt notice them before the fight club, but once you join its hard not to. you like hazel because she's genuinely so nice to everyone and cute in that "you kinda scare me but i weirdly really like it", and you like pj because while her attraction is so obvious by the way she refuses to hit you, constantly adjusting your posture, and how you've caught her staring at your ass about twenty damn times already. but shes cute in a "you're obviously a loser but your desperation kinda turns me on way."

maybe pj catches on to how close you're getting to hazel, then being the hotheaded ass she is (affectionately) confronts hazel about it, telling her if she was a real friend she'd do her a solid and back the hell off ??? obviously hazel isnt falling for it, saying they should leave it up to you to decide who you're interested in.

lucky for them you invite them for a study date at your house that night ! when they ring your doorbell pj is nitpicking hazels button-up, getting surprised when hazel bites back and critiques her plaid zip up jacket because really? plaid?

they both quickly shut up when you open the door, smiling casually like you arent standing in front of them in a lacy bra and shorts, turning around inviting them up to your room as you expect them to follow you. they do, of course. (hazel makes sure to clowe and lock your front door beacuse shes. polite. yeah.)

the fake studying you do is dreadfully boring. hazel tries to pay attention to the work, while pj is flirting with you and getting more flustered the harder you flirt back. eventually you get sick of the bullshit, grabbing her by that fugly plaid jacket and bringing her lips down to yours.

you have to pull back only three seconds in when to your shock the brunette lets out the loudest groan you've ever heard and brings her hands up to squish your breasts, looking slightly embarrassed as giggle at her and brush some of her frizzy hair back away from her face.

a mix between a shaky inhale and a snort reminds you of the other person in the room, turning to see hazel with such a strong grip on her pencil you're slightly scared shes going to stab herself with it.

you ask her "dont laugh at her, you think you could do better?" and before you know it she's crawling towards you from the bottom of your bed and kissing you with the passion of a long lost lover.

you have to admit you're slightly surprised at how proficient she is at kissing, knowing just the right way to tilt your head and graze your lips with her tongue. it makes you so light headed you fall onto your back on the covers, hazel never giving you a chance to pull away as she follows you down and cages you in.

you make out with her for another minute or two before gently pushing her off to catch a breath, your chest rising up and down at a mile a minute. once your head clears more, you look above you to see hazel looking almost nervous. her eyes dart from you to the space to your left, and you tilt her head to see pj doing the same.

"you guys can kiss too, yknow. i wont mind. it'd be pretty hot actually."

you meant it as half of a joke but your breath catches in your throat when pj grips the sides of hazels head and kisses her. well, more like starts licking at the area around her mouth, but with a little guidance its not long before the two are in a heated makeout above you, the sight and the sounds they're making turning you on in ways you didnt think was possible.

you press a hand into both of their chests, the girls pulling apart and looking at you like they're both waiting for your command.

yeah, you were gonna have fun with this.

was looking at hazel tiktoks and a comment complained about the lack of stuff about her on wattpad, then someone said to head over here and sometimes i forget that. u r real people. reading what i write. so. whats up.

#bottoms movie #bottoms x reader #pj x reader #pj #hazel callahan #hazel callahan x reader

[e-m-ma-lmfao]

HII im a huge fan of ur writing and ur one of the few final fantasy writers on here thats active 😭😭 i was hoping i could request some zack fair fluff? like before the events of crisis core, maybe he accidentally gets himself sick during work and angeal knows he'll just keep showing up for work bc he wants the promotion to first class so bad, so he gets zacks childhood bestfriend (reader) to go keep an eye on him and make sure he actually rests lol. zack keeps insisting hes ok but reader is having none of it and takes care of him, which eventually leads to a confession bc zack doesnt understand why reader cares so much and it just leads to everything coming out. i hope that made sense lol this is my first request :) dont feel pressured to do this of course!!!

Since We Were Kids

pairing : zack fair x (female) reader

summary : zack is determined to reach first class. so much so that he will push through one of the most debilitating cold's he's ever had. angeal attempts to get him home, calling in zacks childhood best friend for help.

“Angeal! Come on! You know how important this is to me..” Zack lets out a pitiful whine, attempting to persuade his superior, before his whine turns into a horrific coughing fit. He doesn’t have to look up now that Angeal’s face has made no changes, he is stoic and his decision is final, Zack will not be staying for work this week. 

“You can take a week off.. Besides you're of no use to anybody with the state you're in. Go home, get some rest.”

“Fine..” 

“I mean it Zack..” 

“Yeah..yeah..i heard ya.” Zack crosses his arms, heavy sigh passing through his lips, eyebrows furrowing as he walks away from where Angeal stands. He was barely sick..a little cough wasn’t gonna hold him back from becoming a first class SOLDIER.

Zack barely lasts 20 minutes away from his training before his sword is back in his hands. His constant coughing fits are feeling him with annoyance but he powers through them to continue swinging away with the chunk of metal in his hands. 

But why was he so tired? He usually had so much energy. Why was his sword so hard to carry? It never had been before.. 

And why did it feel like someone's hand was on his shoulder? “Zack!”

He jumps away when there is suddenly shouting coming from beside him, his head pounding in a way that wasn't noticeable until this moment, “Angeal! Hey pal..what’re you..uh..doing here?”

“What’re you doing here? I told you to go home.” 

“I can’t go home, this is too important, I’m not even that sick..” Even Zack’s faith in the statement is beginning to falter, especially when his eyes become blurry from the dizziness pooling at the front of his head. 

“Go home.” 

“No way!” Zack expects Angeal to disagree again but he doesn’t, he actually doesn't say anything, he just walks away. It’s so out of character that Zack debates just listening to him and leaving so he doesn’t get demoted, but he decides against it and continues to practice while sweat pools on his skin. 

It doesn’t take long for Angeal to return, Zack isn't worried when he hears his heavy footsteps from down the hallway, but he is unaware of the other pair of feet following close behind.

At this point, Zack is just staying for spite, his body is exhausted and he is barely swinging his sword, and his coughing fits are becoming more frequent to the point where he has to stop moving to take deep breaths. 

“Zack. Enough is enough. Your friend can take you home now.”

“Huh?” Zack turns and almost starts coughing again, but only because the breath hitches in his throat, you shouldn’t be here, you shouldn’t be seeing him like this. It’s pitiful, his inability to stay strong for training is embarrassing, and your gaze full of pity isn;t helping in the way it usually does. 

“She’s taking you home.” Zack opens his mouth to argue once more but Angeal has had enough, “No arguing. My decision is final, if I see you here again before I say you can return I will demote you myself, good luck reaching first class then..”

Zack looks defeated but he closes his mouth, and drops his sword with a loud clang, before trudging towards your side with his arms crossed tightly. His mannerisms make a giggle slip out of you, he looks like a child, but you quickly mask it as a cough when he shoots you a serious glare. Also reminiscent of a child but if you laughed again he might punch you. 

He isn’t happy about having to leave, especially being escorted out by a lady half his size, but he doesn’t make any complaints when you intertwine your arm in his to keep him stable. 

“I’m fine, y’know. I’m only going home because Angeal made me.” You nod along with him as he talks, hiding the disbelief running through your head. God was this kid stubborn, but it made you happy to know that his training hadn't changed the way he was when you were kids.  

“Zack, you need to rest..” 

“I need to reach first class.” 

“How do you expect to do that if you can’t even hold your sword up, dork.” His face scrunches up, but to your surprise he doesn’t pull his body away, he actually does the opposite and pulls your arm closer to his body. He’s using you to hold up a large amount of his body weight, but you allow him as long as he needs. 

When you finally reach Zack’s home, it takes more effort to get him into bed then you’d care to admit, he truly acts like a child insisting that he ‘doesn’t need to get any sleep because he feels perfectly fine’ followed by a coughing fit and him having to sit down because he feels dizzy. You promise him the soup that he likes if he gets into bed, to which he begrudgingly agrees to. 

After practically forcing food down his throat, he finally allows himself to be tired and his head falls back onto the pillows. You place a cold cloth on his forehead, after feeling it with your own hands and deciding that his fever might only be worsening. How’d he keep training while being this sick? 

You watch as he dozes off, you can tell he is trying to stay awake so he doesn’t fully admit that he is sick, but his body is taking over. He finally looks at peace, even though his hair is sticking to his forehead and his breathing is heavy, at least he’s getting some rest.

You plan on leaving, really you do, but you get so caught up in the image of him sleeping that you find your own eyes falling closed, head resting by his side against the bed. 

When your eyes open again it’s dark outside, you can’t tell how long you’ve been sitting with him but from the darkness pouring into the room, it’s longer then you meant for. You worry for a moment, worry that you’ve overstayed your welcome and that Zack got up hours ago to sleep away from you, but when you turn the lamp on beside his bed you find him in the same spot you’d left him. 

You’re greedy with how you look at him, you miss being so close to him. The proximity makes you realize how much you’ve missed him since he started his training, you hardly see him. And you wish the circumstances for finally seeing him again weren't because he was sick, and rather because he actually wanted to see you. But you’d take any time you could get with your best friend. 

He stirs suddenly and you let your hand fall on top of his, tangling your fingers in his, as a way to bring him some comfort in his sleep. His skin is warm and clammy, heating up your hands, it should be gross but the feeling of his hand in yours fills your stomach with a flurry of butterflies.

Slowly, his eyes flutter open and you can tell he is dazed, the way he scans the room to gather his surroundings before landing on you once more confirms your thoughts. 

“Y/n?” Zack’s voice is hoarse, causing him to clear his throat before he continues talking, “What’re you still doing here? How long have you been here?”

For a minute your heart pumps inside your chest faster than before, nervousness building in your stomach, “I’m sorry..I fell asleep a couple..hours ago I think. I didn’t want to leave right away in case you woke up again but I never meant to fall asleep.” 

“Why’re you apologizing..” His fingers, which you had forgotten were tangled in your own, tense against your skin and tighten their grip on your hand. 

“Sorry..” 

Your second apology causes him to let out a laugh. A laugh that immediately has him sitting up because he coughs so hard his lungs hurt, and he squeezes your hand tighter in his lap while he tries to catch a breath. 

When he finally catches a break, taking deep breaths while your hand slides up and down his back, he looks at you pitifully, “You’re gonna get sick..go home.” 

“You're crazy if you think I'm going home. I’m not leaving, who’s gonna take care of you?” 

“I can take care of myself, you know..”

“This is news to me.” You raise an eyebrow at him, to which he responds by sticking his tongue out tiredly. He can’t even retort like he usually does. He doesn't have the energy to argue and tell you to leave so you don’t get sick, Zack isn’t even sure he wants you to leave anymore. 

“You don’t have to stay..” 

“I want to, Zack. I care about you.” You can’t tell if his cheeks were already flushed or if they suddenly became red as you spoke to him, but either way you were sure your face was mirroring his.  

He falls back onto the pillows, asking you quietly if you'll get him some water and another blanket before he gets the chills, and you happily oblige. Even while he’s sick, he is able to feel content and you’re happy to be the reason. 

Zack's fingers find your hand again, squeezing gently as you sit on the chair beside him, “..Training is kicking my ass.” 

“Yeah..but I’m sure it’ll be all worth it eventually,” You try not to let his spirits get down especially while he is in such a tired state, his training put on pause because of his sickness, and you ponder telling him more, “I miss you, you know..a lot.”

A small smile appears on his face, eyes puffy and bags under his eyes, and he looks towards you, “Yeah?” 

You can only nod, embarrassed by his lack of affirmation that he has felt the same over the months he’s been training. 

“I missed you too..” And the embarrassment flees from your body instantaneously, while his thumb rubs over the top of your knuckles. 

The two of you sit in silence for a while, him playing with your knuckles as he tries to hold back the aggressive coughs that threaten to leave his mouth. His head is pounding, and he should feel like shit, but he truly can’t bring himself to when you're looking into his eyes all concerned and you’re letting him play with your hands with no complaints.

“Why’d you stay?” His voice startles you, and you try to pretend that you weren't staring at him and admiring every detail of his face. 

“I already told you..” You roll your eyes, letting out a huff before leaning on the palm of your hand, in all honesty you were ready to doze off while Zack looked around your hands and face. 

“No..no..why’d you stick around?” His question confuses you and you have to think about what he might mean and then it clicks. You hadn’t realized that he might be aware of how much time his training takes up. It hadn’t occurred to you that Zack could focus on anything but becoming first class.

He’d been neglecting your friendship, but when Angeal rang and asked you to pick Zack up you agreed without hesitation, you forgot instantly about how angry his schedule made you. 

You’re not sure how to answer him. You could tell him the truth, that you had been madly in love with your black haired friend since you were children.

Or you could continue to lie, and claim that you had only stayed around because of your long lasting friendship that had absolutely no underlying romantic feelings that neither one of you could talk about. 

“C’mon Zack..” 

He stares into your eyes, right through you. He knows, he already knows, you don’t have to say anything to him. As he looks at you, he's pleading with you to admit it to him and it makes your stomach crawl with nervousness. 

“Y’know I’d do anything for you..been like that since we were kids.” His eyebrows furrow at your attempt to dodge an admission that you hadn’t been prepared for an hour ago, you still weren't ready to admit to him that you were in love with him. 

“Y/n..do you love me?” 

Again silence fills the room and you’re unsure what to say to the expectant boy. You think, for a second, that he's joking. But his eyes are filled with such sincerity and genuine interest. He wants to know, and he doesn't seem to care if his question comes off bluntly.

When you don’t immediately respond he continues in your place, “Because I think I’m in love with you and I know I’d do anything for you. And I think you feel the same way. I can’t think of any other reason why you wouldn't ignore Angeal’s call, and tell me to deal with this by myself. I know I haven't been around like I should be. But you’re here anyway..”

“Zack please..of course I do. Been like that since we were kids,” You smile softly, repeating yourself and look down at your entangled hands.

He doesn’t let that allow that for very long before he is grabbing your chin to turn your head to face him once more, “I’m not gonna kiss you, because I don't want you getting sick. But I promise you, as soon as this sickness is gone I’m gonna be all over you..” 

Even though his words, words you would've never expected to hear when you dragged him into his room just hours earlier, send a nervous shiver down your body you still find a way to tease him, “Careful Zack. Get too excited and your lungs might act up again.”

“Can I ask you to stay the night?” 

How could you ever say no. 

“Of course, Zack, anything for my first class SOLDIER.” 

#zack fair #zack fair x reader #ff7 #crisis core #x reader #oneshot #drabble #female reader #final fantasy vii #ffvii #final fantasy 7 #zack ffvii #fem reader #final fantasy x reader

[lanaxoxoxoxoxox]

SO. ANOTHER. steal my girl by 1D.

this could probably be fem!reader

ranboo and reader have known eachother since they were about 15/16, and he's ALWAYS loved her. ALWAYS. once they finally start dating, maybe once they're both 17/18, ranboo starts steaming, chat says stuff along the lines of "y/n could do better" or "she deserves better than ranboo fr" or "i could get y/n EASY" so ranboo goes out of his way to say "no one can steal my girl, nor does she even WANT any of you." SOMETHIN ALONG THOSE LINES!!

literally SCREAMED at this bro , you have no idea

, my girl !!

☆ ranboo x fem!reader

warnings: she/her pronouns, fem reader, chat being a dick, protective ran (drives me crazy /pos), ran + y/n are both 19 in this fic, ran's pov entire fic ☽

☆ a/n: utterly obsessed with this ask !! lovely @heiijoy actually sent me a whole bunch of other amazing fic ideas in our messagesand i was screaming and giggling and kicking my feet the entire time !! yall dont know how excited am i abt being able to write this and have such amazing moots oml

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

ranboo pov

I've always admired Y/n. I did then, and I still do.

Since I first saw her at the locker next to me in sophomore year, something just, clicked inside of me. At first, I originally saw her as a locker-hallway crush only, until classes got changed due to a teacher leaving. Suddenly, the hallway-locker crush turned into same-classes crush. For some odd reason, the teachers would also often pair us in the same partners and groups, and we would sit near or next to each other sometimes. I kind of just played it off as pure luck on my part.

I would see y/n in about 90% of my classes, but we were assigned permanent partners one day in English for the rest of the year. I got to talk way more to her in class, and we even hung out a few times. I eventually did get her number and we started to hang out more, but not just for study sessions. We eventually had a really strong friendship, but I still admired her.

Time skip, but one of my friends who was dating y/n's best friend told me that y/n actually liked me back, and she had for a while. At first I didn't believe him, until y/n texted me to meet up at the stargazing hill we always went to and told me she liked me.

After that, we started dating. I started my Twitch and YouTube around then, and started blowing up very quickly. Y/n was always there to support me and what I wanted to do, and I was eventually invited to the Dream SMP, which also quickly raised my following and reputation even more. When I got an invitation from Toby and Tommy to meet them in the UK, Y/n also came with me. She's always been at my side, streamer or not.

present day

"'Just Talking streams never end well'? Damn, you guys are mean!" I said, laughing and flipping off the camera.

I spinned my chair slightly to the left, focusing my eyes on the other monitor that showed StreamLabs and the chat. I scanned my eyes over the chat, and a few messages caught my eye.

user4531: hi everyone!

user78787877: y/n could do better tbh

ranboofan69: @user78787877 frrr she deserves more than ranboo

rainbow4eva: i love your shirt!

socoolfan: @ranboofan69 yeah i could get y/n SO EASY bro

I sighed loudly enough for the microphone to pick up. I looked back over to chat and saw moderators turn off chat to send a warning message and put it chat onto "emotes only" mode.

I laughed. "The fact some of you guys are so confident in stealing y/n from me is actually very funny." I stared into the webcam. "Y/n is my girl, nor does she even want any of you all."

Let's just say y/nboo and that clip was trending on Twitter for a little while.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

kinda a short but fic but i hope u guys liked !! thanks @heiijoy for the lovely req <3

please support me by liking, following, replying or reblogging! my inbox is currently CLOSED, so no requests for the time being or they will be deleted. thank you!

love u all mwah xoxoxox

#mcyt fanfic writer #fanfiction #mcyt #dream smp #mcytblr #requests closed #ranboo #ranboo x reader #ranboo x you #ranboolive #ranboo fanfic

[yuukei-yikes]

the good ending of kagerou project! EXPLAINED :3

hello kagebody. no one asked for this but i felt like talking about it for 2 reasons. 1. it seems like a lot of people DONT KNOW kagepro has a good ending. it does. in september, summertime record will have been out for 10 years. 2. i felt like talking about it cuz i love kagepro :3

as we know kagepro’s big characteristic is, it’s complicated and deals with inconsistencies and already convoluted concepts, it’s also written by 1 guy across different types of media in the course of many years. that’s to say let’s not shit on it for being complicated let’s love it for it. also to say... some of what i will explain contains MY OWN interpretation based on what we are presented. because what we are presented with is Not in anyway clear.

okay. the good ending of kagerou project appears in THE ANIME. the novels and the manga contain doomed routes that end in resetting. the songs contain endless routes, but it also contains SUMMERTIME RECORD. that is a good ending, though it has no hiyori or ayano. nor an explanation. but the actual Good ending we all go by, AND the official post str content (lost day hour comic released in 2018) also goes by, is the ending of the anime. that’s what i will be talking about!

kagepro isn’t a stranger to plot holes. but the way it gets a good ending is essentially, there’s a HUGE important change from usual routes. which is saeru not killing everyone. for anyone who doesn’t know saeru is clearing eyes. clearing eyes is the snake possessing kenjirou and later konoha/haruka’s body. “kuroha”, for the golden years kagepro fans.

usually, saeru just shows up, kills everyone, forces mary to reset. the big big BIG thing with the good ending is.... saeru doesn’t kill anyone. let’s go over why saeru even kills everyone in the first place. it wants to create a new medusa and end the world basically: the dan possess snakes, their eye powers, and when they’re killed, they release the snakes, giving them back to mary. mary possesses COMBINING EYES. this is the eye power that makes her float and get the short hair. she is given this power when she passes away with her mother shion, while she possesses locking eyes since birth.

so, when the dan dies, mary gets all their snakes and Combines them, activating Combining Eyes, which she can use to reset the world and also control the daze, meaning she can merge the two worlds (what saeru wants her to do) (this would end the world), and also open it and close it.

so, in the kagepro good ending, saeru doesn’t kill the dan. yet mary is able to activate combining anyway. this is something i really like, though it needs a lot of Filling It In Yourself for it to make sense.

the anime shows the snakes leaving the dan members’ bodies when mary starts activating combining, and the dan doesn’t immediately die from getting their snakes taken away. we could argue they’re all weak and on the ground is bc saeru just kinda punched everyone across the room, not because mary took their snakes, BUT i like the idea that it’s mary slowly killing them herself through taking their snakes. i think it speaks to how high the stakes were, and how obsolete resetting was getting. the routes were getting inconsistent to a point where mary herself is killing her friends, not saeru, through her despair of keeping them alive and resorting to restart so she doesn’t have to deal with what’s going on. this can also be about a deeper motive of mary’s, which is that even if they all survive, she will lose them to old age eventually. restarting, she can avoid this fate. it also makes sense, because saeru CAN remember resets and mary CAN’T. so saeru deciding not to kill the dan this time can also speak of how wicked saeru is, maybe getting confident in what it’s doing, and manipulating mary into it like it’s been doing but this time forcing her to be the one to kill.

moving on: in this window of time where the dan is slowly dying and mary’s about to reset, she also opens the daze, which is when shintaro and ayano show up. earlier, shintaro had killed himself because retaining eyes, shintaro’s eye power, had been activated, and he knew he had to go to the daze. that’s the scene he goes get ayano and together go see haruka. SO. when mary opens the daze, shintaro and ayano walk right out of there, ayano having been there for 2 years and shintaro having been there for erm, 1 hour or something.

here’s when we’re all like yeah shintaro&ayano come save the day!! what shintaro and ayano do is use a combo of their eye powers. they go through a plan they made countless routes ago. shintaro’s power is retaining, he was born with it. retaining is a snake fabricated by mary herself in another route. this snake is also an ayano from another route who sacrificed herself to become shintaro’s eye power. isn’t that fun. SO, what retaining does is remember past routes, so when shintaro activates her he immediately Knows everything. ayano’s power is favoring, The Empath power. she can transmit thoughts, memories, emotions. and then they play a game of telephone: shintaro’s knowledge of the resets existing goes to ayano, and then ayano transmits them to mary.

mary, now being aware of what she’s doing and what she HAS been doing, doesn’t reset, shitting all over saeru’s plans who is beginning to despair and start acting pathetic. now here’s when we’re all like omg the power of friendship solved the rest. NO!!!!

now here’s my... personal interpretation to a huge part of it. mca is Very unclear. but basically: haruka and konoha are actually the ones to save the day, not shintaro and ayano. shintaro&ayano are keeping mary from resetting, but they aren’t FIXING the issue that is making mary reset in the first place which is this GUY TRYING TO KILL EVERYONE. despite everything saeru is STILL HERE, STILL IN HARUKA/KONOHA’S BODY.

mary temporarily takes everyone to the daze. no one is dead, theyre just There. who else is in the daze. haruka’s cute little spirit!!! while saeru is kicking and screaming about the route differing and the power of friendship getting a little strong, it’s finally acknowledged that despite saeru is in a hostless body, this body still has an owner, and as of late, it’s got owner(S). through its time in haruka’s body, awakening eyes/konoha became its own person. being its own person, it’s got the right for a wish. saeru is the very snake that grants all those fucked up wishes.

saeru, while possessing kenjirou, alienated its plans with kenjirou’s wish of seeing ayaka again. because it needs a wish to function. kenjirou’s wish was perfect for what saeru wanted, since ayaka was in the daze, seeing her again implied opening it which implied killing everyone. easy. but now saeru jumped from kenjirou’s body to haruka/konoha’s, and these 2 souls have very different, individual wishes that saeru is now forced to face: haruka reclaims his own body. and konoha wants hiyori to live.

for haruka, his wish had been ignored since the beginning, it’s the one that was the most twisted of all (u want a strong body? ok u didn’t say u wanted to be IN the body, right?) so, saeru is forced to grant this wish finally and is forced out of the body and puts haruka back in it. for konoha, saeru is forced to be a surrogate life to hiyori. haruka, being the original host, is now alive, and awakening eyes/konoha, is within him, playing the role of an eye power it was always meant to play. meanwhile, hiyori also gets to get out of the daze alive, through the forced “sacrifice” of clearing eyes. this serves a very interesting bit for hiyori since she possesses power over the most fucked up snake of all but that’s for post str headcanons sweetness.

basically! mary activates combining and opens the daze, letting out shintaro&ayano who are like stop🛑 do not reset. instead they all go to the daze where haruka is like💖GIVE ME MY BODY BACK to saeru. also allowing awakening eyes/konoha a moment of control again to be like hi. i am also person now and i have a wish as well and my wish is that hiyori lives :3

so, saeru’s gone, haruka&hiyori are alive (+ayano, whose death has always been a plothole that ignores the rules of the daze, so to keep it on theme her survival also has no real basis+shintaro, whose death earlier also made little sense but they get to walk out for protagonists privileges), they get out the daze and mary gives back all the snakes so no one dies. hurray!

bc of all this, the mekakushi dan is alive, members from 0 to 10. they do get a happy ending. ....but we could also say it was the power of friendship. that works too!

#kagepro #kagerou project #mekakucity actors #i never use that tag actually whoa #kagevinnie #kagenalysis #kagexplain

[tatakaetime07]

Hey! Could you please do an Eddie Munson X reader where Jason tries to hit on the reader and ask her on a date. She doesn’t want to and keeps saying that she has a boyfriend (Eddie) but he says “he’s not here now.” Maybe he gets annoyed and grabs your wrist or something but Eddie turns up and protects you from him. I love your writing sm btw!!! <3

༘✶｡˚ ੈ♡my girl e.m.

A/n:Ahh thank u sm reader its mean a lot!!😭♡

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Female!Reader

Summary:When going into town the only person you expected to see was your boyfriend,but things didn't go to plan as a certain blonde wouldn't back off,just how would you be able to get out of this awkward situation?With the help of our dear metalhead

Warnings:Cursing,violence(?)

Word count-777

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“Have a nice day!”The ice cream employee chimed as she smiled sweetly towards you.You returned the gesture as you grabbed the cone she held out for you.

“You too.”

It had been a hot day for being not even halfway through the year.Your mother suggested that you should go out,of course that eventually turned into a demand as she forced you out of the house,however to have some fun you invited your boyfriend of two years,Eddie Munson,too join you.He said yes and that he would meet you at the ice cream stand,so that was why you were currently standing around.

Since it was super hot it wasn't suprising when you saw the captain of the basketball team,Jason Carver,sitting around with a few of his friends near the ice cream stand.However it was suprising when,instead of ignoring you like he usually did,he started to walk towards you.

You knew how much trouble he was,so like in any normal social interaction of yours,you started to walk the opposite way from Jason,trying your best not to make eye contact.

But when you felt a hand on your shoulder you immediately turned around,and was met with the sinister light eyes you had tried to avoid.

“(Y/n),right?”Jason asked innocently with a smug smile.’Did he really think you would just stop and chat like old friends?’

“Um,yea,yes that's me.”You looked down at your shoes and kept you gaze there,rubbing your neck with your free hand.

“Mm,”He hummed,maybe it was some sort of acknowledgment instead of an actual answer. “So when I just happened to see you,I thought maybe we should,I don't know maybe go out for a bite?”

The question in itself was harmless,but due to having a boyfriend and him geting too close for comfort you felt the need to thoroughly explain why that could never happen.

“Ah..thanks but no thanks.”You started,missing the way that stupid grin fell of his face as he started to clench his jaw.”I know this sounds cliche or something but my boyfriends coming soon,so..”

You took a few steps away from him unconsciously,not liking the way the tension grew immediately.At first he just stared at you,which to no ends freaked you out but you knew you needed to get out of there when he let out a crazed laugh.

“Well I dont see him anywhere,do you?”He said almost condescendingly,as he closed the gap you had created.

Knowing that he couldn't even be reasoned with you did a 180° and began walking away,keeping your head down as if it would make you smaller.

“Hey!You can't just walk away from me!”You were forced to stop as you felt a hand clasp onto your wrist.You glared up at Jason as you tried your best to get out of his metal grip.

“Let.Me.Go.”You stated slowly but it was ignored as Jason continued to try and make advances towards you.

“Now you listen here-,”Jason began,but stopped when you audibly gasped.Your freaking savior and boyfriend Eddie Munson stood between you and Jason,and you didn't even see the way Eddie was glaring daggers at the boy.

“Now why don't you listen?Your going to get the fuck off my girlfriend,and your never going to look,touch,or even think about her.Do you understand?"

It was obvious Jason hadn't thought you were telling the truth about waiting for someone,but of course he just threw away his pride away as he continued to be an idiot.

"Pfft-whatever she wasn't even that cute anyway."Jason laughed as he rolled his eyes,walking back to his little goons.

Although his words didn't effect you they certainly twisted Eddie the wrong way.You had to quite literally hold him back at Jason retreated with whatever he had left of his dignity.

When Eddie turned to you he was fuming.He also started to apologize about how he wished he had gotten there sooner.Although it was sad the only way Jason left you alone was because of another dude,you were grateful nonetheless.And that's what you told him.He had no reason to be sorry in fact he was the reason you hadn't snapped and punched the asshat in the face.

Later that day while cuddling with Eddie in his bed,you brought up how adorable it was that he had gotten so defensive.

He propped himself up on his elbow as he stared at you lovingly,peppering little kisses across your face as you teased him."Well how couldn't I be?He was messing with my girl."

You laughed at that moment but it didn't stop you from also feeling such an admiration for the boy in front of you.

"I love you Eds."

He kissed you on the forehead,"I love you too...also do you wanna make some chicken nuggets with me?"

"Hell yea."

#eddie munson #stranger things #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson angst #eddie munson x you #eddie munson imagine #joseph quinn #stranger thing s4 #st4 #Strange Things x reader #x reader #reader insert #st x reader #eddie munson x female reader #st4 x reader #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fic #eddie munson oneshot

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

the beach conversation is insane actually im always being so mean to 13 for how closed off she is but it's insane what she does here like "ive never been able to", "it's what my life is", "not because i dont want to"

shes like sorry yaz i cant give you much but lets play doctors and students and reenact the anatomy lesson dr nicolaes tulp you be the doctor and the students and i'll be the body hang on let me hold up a lamp so you can see what we're doing

shes like sorry yaz i cant give you much i locked my hearts in this rusty vault and lost the keys but if i had a spare i would give you it i swear i promise i know thats not enough but i'd give it to you

"i cant fix myself" is how she starts. "i'll be fine, in the end, hopefully" she says like an hour after regenerating after describing just how much it fucks her up and how scary it is and how painful and how much of a gamble, really, how much of a leap of faith and hoping for the best, hoping for that net to appear because if it doesnt......... theres no backup

are you alright, doctor? are you okay? yaz has asked a hundred times without getting an answer. and now she finally does and it seems to recontextualise every dodge that has come before. stop asking, it's not the end yet, theres still time, a little more patience, i will figure it out, i will be able to give you a yes eventually im sure of it.

but now it is the end, regeneration looms again, time is running out, and this endlessly delayed answer sounds like a resignation. i cant do it. not in time. maybe not ever. but definitely not before the plane crashes and i take you down with me. i broke the universe and i cant fix it. it's too late. i dawdled too much.

and what this could have been, but isnt, because neither of them take it this way, think of it this way, because theyre too much alike, and not like this at all, but what this could have been, in intention and reception, is a request for help. i give up, i cant figure this out, but can you? the doctor doesnt mean this, and yaz has always been too attentive to the limits, too respectful of the doctor's boundaries (from "who, me? no. never doubted. don't know what you mean" in ghost monument to "can we just live in the present") to misinterpret it this way. so theyre on the same page. a page, as always, decided on by the doctor. but it does make the perfect set up for the finale

because i do think, sort of, that yaz fixed it. not you know the millennia of trauma but the specific inability of 13 to trust people. the clara/river/missy/bill my-friends-die-or-are-not-what-they-seem-or-both cant-hold-anyones-hand-but-my-own inability to trust her friends are her friends and they will not like explode into gore and viscera if she touches them (which now that ive said it i bet is what she has nightmares about. perfect match with what i think yaz has nightmares about which is the doctor exploding into gore and viscera and not being able to do anything abt it. actually the best idea i think ive ever written abt what yaz has nightmares about is "or you take off your coat and youre wearing dynamite", but i digress) that, i think yaz sort of fixes when she saves the doctor and saves the world and i think if 13 had lived she'd have trusted yaz after that in a way she couldnt before and maybe even that realisation of "you saved my life" in that weird malleable state of post-pseudoregeneration might have had a hand in why 14 is the way he is

#anyway #Them #sonya voice: i still think abt it #can you believe its been 2 years since sea devils???what the fuck #woughhhhhhhhhh #i miss them #i miss writing thasmin in like................that space #i love writing yaz/14 it's very cathartic #like hello lets Talk About Things #yesterday i wrote 14 saying 'it's new! i love new. new is great' which was so nice #my 14 is a lot more 13 than 10. theres no 10 at all honestly i dont care abt him #yaz/14 is just.........thasmin Continued #but anyway i do miss writing them all.............never saying anything #that got tiring after 2 years and its nice to like catharse all that tension now with yaz/14 but #doesnt mean that tension isnt an interesting place you know? #but anyway change is part of love #its fun giving them new problems too fhgkghgjhjh

[minophus]

college au is like. i couldnt tell u their specific majkrs but im sure ill have it at some point.

gabriel in regards to classes-he definitely prioritizes them. honestly if he had less abysmal habits and less of a habit of thinking too hard about his answers he could be better off. no doubt like hes a Good Stufent and he does well but he stresses himself out along w really (jnrealistic) high expectations he holds himself up to. def the gifted kid growing up. A and B student. sometimes a c writhes its way in there.

in regards to people- he loooooooves helping people. he loves hearing the Ohhhhh of a sudden understanding of a concept that he got to explain. very friendly and well liked but not wholly Cared about..hes used a lot just for his smarts, and like outside of helping tutor other folks theres not a lot going on socially. except for communication btwn him and his uncles(which i like to picture are the councillors. very religious family. like Crazy religious.)gabriel probably has some internalized homo/transphobia somewhere in there but he has an arc about that.

mirage and her classes - Makes half assed attempts to study in my mind, she puts her mind to it, pulls out a textbook reviews her notes etc … eventually grows bored, experiences the autism frustration of not having completed a task, and ends up in a nihilistic spiral while I Think listening to music. or texting a friend. she wouldnt admit it but music is a passion of hers. Dont tell anyone but i like to think she daydreams abiut starting a band.

mirage and her social life - she probably has a small circle of friends that are just a total fucking tar pit. she stands where she stands and they disagree sometimes but in the end none of this matters and we might as well hang out after class. actually do you wanna skip next period? etc. shes hard to get along with just because shes so horribly negative but i dont think shes outright rude. maybe has a passive aggressive or underlying tone but i dont think she means it. because none of it matters.

v2 and classes - very hard worker! vigilant and pays attention. snaps at you if youre distracting her. her bag is a bit of a total fucking mess but she’,ll get those papers after the test.( never gets the papers). She gets particularly pissed when people take their sweet sweet time moving around campus. she knows just what to say to get an extended deadline if shed ever need it. i think she has very organized notebooks themselves but again. bags a mess. dorm’s a mess. i think shed find a way to get a single dorm.

v2 and people - gets along relatively well, makes some MEAN small talk and fantastic at making a deal. no close friends though, primarily just acquaintances she waves at and asks how theyre doing.. thats about it. tries to have fun on her own.

v1 in classes - THIS FUCKING GUY. i cannot decide whether it would have straight A’s on accident or straight F’s while knowing the material SCARILY well. what i do know is it would never take notes it would never study its living a life and having fun. not a frat boy or anything tho i dont grt those vibes.

v1 with people - i dont think it has friends though on account kf It Doesnt Really Talk and a lot of other mchines dont bother to Bother with a guy who refuses to really talk. unintentionally rude somehow. creeps ppl out with the unbroken eye contact even as its doing an intensive task. verrrry expressive with bodylang though as if youve got the patience you can get a crazy convo going. like its unintentionally rude but i think its well meaning. unless if its v2. they happened to go to the same college and they have a sibling rivalry. if these two have no friends then theyve got eachother. to bully and tease.

#i hope to god this is cohesive and nkt cringe. im still oddly shy about it. #gooptalks

[wanderrlust0]

sorry i wont shut up about this but i feel so conflicted right now!!D; and maybe typing it all out will help???

and I highly suggest to not read this unless you want to be here for an hour reading nonsense LOL

im seeing my bestie friday so im gonna tell her everythinggg and get her opinion on all of this before i see him again in a few days.

i just started to hang out with a "new" friend but it makes my bf uncomfortable and idk what to do about it... and tbh im not going to stop being friends with them:/ ik that sounds kinda shitty on the surface but its like asking me to cut someone off right after getting to know them.

im gonna explain almost all of the context....

okay, so... 2020 was a ruff year. it was covid and quarantine. my mom was super super strict about it. once people began to hang out in small circles bc cdc said it was okay to, while still being careful, i was still not allowed to leave my house. i felt soso isolated and alone and it was def one of my lowest moments. me & my bf were basically in a long distance relationship.. or thats what it felt like. all we had was facetime. he started to hang out with his friend from school more often (i had stuff to say to him about that & its in another post). after a couple of months, my mom finally let us see each other.. but it had to be in my backyard only and we couldn't be close. it was okay at first but after a while we got bored and wanted more. he got impatient and petty about it. i understood where he was coming from but i was trying to be as optimistic as i could, even tho it was hard. its bc even for like the 1-2 hrs i got to see him, it made my day. (my friends were also starting to hangout in their backyards but i never told my mom bc i figured she wouldnt let me go.. but when i told her afterwards, she said she would have..??)

it was getting colder outside which made it harder for us to see each other. it was also just a sucky situation and it was creating some resentment. he wanted to talk with me on ft about it and i knew it would be serious. AND IT WAS. he did most of the talking and it was leading to a breakup. BUT (this is important) he couldnt for the life of him break up with me, let alone say the words.. SO.. he suggested that we do a break. neither of us have done that before but its obvious that it means its temporary and you use that time to figure things out and get some space (we DEFINITELY shouldve been clearer about it). he got emotional and i held mine in. he was saying all these good things about me and how he still wants me in his life and that we can get together again; that we would still talk everyday and be friends. at the time, weve been dating for about a year and a half. right after we hung up i bawled my eyes out and immediately facetimed my best friend in FL.

days go by and me and him are still talking everyday, only in a more friendly, platonic manner. eventually, he starts replying later and later, he turns off his location, and its like i feel forgotten about. im so used to knowing what hes doing that now it feels weird to not know and its hard to adapt to these changes.

I download tinder to find some FRIENDS to talk to (only for girls). he was barely talking to me and i was questioning our friendship relationship (situationship i guess). although i dont remember the details of my profile, i DEF made it clear that i was on there for making friends only. i had no intention of pursuing anyone for a relationship... bc i had my "bf" still. HE clearly went a diff route during our break....too much to unpack there but in the end, it just made him want to come back to me.

So.... Snow (that is their nickname ive given them for tumblr) was one of those people who i chatted with on tinder. theyre female but identify as they/them (i dont think they used those pronouns when we first started talking tho). they msgd first and our convo was actually really long-lasting so we followed each other on IG. (theyre also not the only one i've exchanged IG with so its not like i only gave it to them). Yes, I thought they were pretty when i swiped. sue me. i think many people are pretty. its just me acknowledging when someones aesthetically pleasing. eventually, we talked less and i also went on tinder less. After about a month into me and my bfs break, he begins to talk to me more like he used to. Then he asks if he can see me bc he missed me. Still cant leave my house with him but we hang out and its nice. HE ASKS ME IF I MET ANYONE NEW. i say no and hes like ...really?you sure? I ask him the same and he says no (while breaking eye contact,, literal red flag but i was blindsided). he tells me the truth over FT and that ruined me way more than i let on. (i think he's feeling a similar way now but for diff reasons)

we got back together after and the rest of the year (2021) was super fun. weve now been together for almost 4 1/2 years! since our BREAK NOT BREAKUP (not me @ ing him when he wont even see this) me and snow comment on each others IG posts now and again. for ex, ive said they looked so prettyyy & i would compliment their makeup skills. they would reply in a cute/flattery way. thats how they reply to comments. theyre also very embellished, like with emojis. theyve commented on my pics saying i look cute and hyping me up with compliments as well. it just turned into a natural, mutual thing; idk how else to describe it. its like having an online friend where you only interact thru the comments to show kindness. LOL IDK that sounds corny but yeah. girly things i guess. & then irl its so subdued.

so aside from the comments, we would react to each others stories like once in a blue moon. they posted about watching demon slayer so i said its a good anime. i posted me and my bfs halloween costumes and they said we looked so cute. fast fwd to the end of last yr... we said happy bday to each other and i brought up the idea of possibly hanging out one day if theyre down. so yes, i asked first. they said they would love to and that they were glad i asked bc they were too anxious to ask themselves (mood). im surprised at myself that i even asked but i guess i felt comfortable enough.

(i feel like im writing my own biography omg..) anyways, we get each others numbers and talk about our schedules. we were both very busy so nothing happened. we sporadically made small talk, as one does with their internet friend, over a couple of months. we talked on IG more & also thought about the plans for when we hang out. its now like almost summer and they text me asking if i was free last minute to hang out bc they were gonna be in my town but i was busy.

its now like a month later and i see them at the mall with their friend when i was with my bf. (i already spoke about this so i wont repeat it). after that day, we finally made a day to hang out. bf wasnt happy about it; i tried to reassure him; he saw and still sees them as someone to worry about; he thinks im gonna do something stupid and act out on any fantasies i may have. he knows im bi; he sees snow as someone who looks queer. he thinks that our intentions are to get closer to each other in a way that crosses a friendship.

he saw me listening to a playlist titled sapphic energy. it just consists of songs i enjoy by female artists and ive had that playlist for a long time now. i only edited the title.. but just now i switched it back to what it was before so thats ONE thing "fixed" to make him at ease.

he doesnt believe me when i tell him that my only intention and motive here is to make a good, new friendship. THATS ALL I WANT. AND THATS ALL SNOW WANTS. i can see how it can look like its more from an outside perspective bc of our IG comments but it was not like that in person at all!! it just felt like hanging out with a friend and introducing new things to each other like shows and foods. snow even made it clear that once someone is their friend, they cant see them any other way and that formed to protect their feelings. when we hung out there were literally no signs of feelings or anything that would cross boundaries. i didnt get that feeling i get when i have a crush and lose all my brain cells. by our second hang out we were past any awkwardness and it felt like a regular day out with a friend.

I did look cute that day but i always dress up!!! i dress up like every time i see my bf. i dress up for work. i dress up when im going out with friends. i enjoy fashion and makeup and looking pretty,,

last yr he was using bumble friends and he met up with a guy but they havent hung out since. ive helped him swipe on people before and i was okay with it, except when it was like an attractive girl.. would that be hypocritical of me tho?...idk. we def both get kinda jealous over these things. i can get territorial, like he is mine lol i am his. we would never be open or add a third and the thought of him befriending new females made me nervous. especially after what happened during our break. like idk, that still sticks with me and makes me think of bad feelings..and even more especially now after finding out about what he and his friend did.. but me feeling nervous about that is like what HE is feeling (T-T) I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT I CAN DO TO HELP AND IT SUCKS. i dont think i catch feelings easily. i dont get butterflies over people easily. im not an openly sexual person.

like. am i being unfair by continuing this friendship? snow doesnt know how he feels about us. idek if its worth telling but im gonna wait till more time passes and see how things go. would him hanging out with us make him feel better?? would it be too weird? he already doesnt like the idea of snow so how would he be in a room with them.

i wanna fast fwd to friday so i can tell my bestie about it and then fast fwd to sunday so i can see him. he is still not back to his usual self when we talk on snap. he tries to save serious confrontations for in person bc he sounds angry thru text so even tho itll make me nervous, i still wanna work this out so it doesnt ruin our relationship.

#mypost #journal

[aaronpaceluvbot]

beige flag (aaron x reader)

summary: in which aaron isn’t a fan of a particular food and you are very curious as to why (tldr - aaron’s beige flag is that he has to eat ravioli with his eyes closed/just not look at it at all) ** you feed him the ravioli. awww

before you read: not proofread, references throwing up, lowkey a crack fic? , it isn’t said that you and aaron are together, it’s implied that you guys are dating or situationship (did i use it right) ??, but it could def be interpreted as two very close friends flirting. this started out as a crack fic. I don’t think it ends as one. 

wc: 1.3k 

the dreaded day had come. the cafeteria was only serving ravioli and other horrifying variations of it. a shiver went down his spine as he assessed the other options. gluten free ravioli? hell no, that was probably worse than the normal kind… seafood ravioli? maybe not… his eyes wandered and eventually settled on ravioli with just meat. that should be fine, right? 

he lets out a sigh and puts a few on his plate, being careful not to make it gross. after all, he would have to eat it… he sees you patiently waiting for him at a table, already starting to eat your food as you wave him down with a mouthful of ravioli. as much as he adored you, ew. he’d always wonder how you willingly ate the food with your eyes wide open. 

he toddles over to the table where you sat alone and you could immediately tell that something was wrong. “hey, could we maybe eat outside? i don’t feel like eating in here,” he says, giving you a look that you couldn’t say no to. you nod and grab your things and follow him out to a quieter, secluded spot. 

“what’s up? did you have something you wanted to talk about?” you ask, enjoying your ravioli. aaron refuses to look in your direction, which is suspicious.

“no, i just didn’t want to eat inside, especially with some people acting like pigs with their food.” 

“huh… you’ve never had an issue with that before, have you?” you ask, raising an eyebrow as he tries to come up with a reasonable explanation. he couldn’t just tell you that he could only eat ravioli if he didn’t look at it because it looked weird and gross and scary! 

“no, no. i haven’t. i just think today’s an off day, you know?” you nod in understanding, continuing to enjoy the food. it was actually pretty good, considering that you guys were in the middle of nowhere and the food just seemed to spawn in. aaron continues to stare at everything but you, except his ravioli? 

“are you gonna eat? because your food’s gonna get cold soon,” you say, gesturing to the food on his plate. 

“i mean, i will! i just, i just-“ 

“you just what?” 

“I CAN ONLY EAT RAVIOLI IF I DONT LOOK AT IT BECAUSE IT LOOKS GROSS AND WEIRD.” after announcing that, aaron continues to look away from you and your dinner and then buries his head in his hands. “it’s so stupid but every time i’ve tried to eat it and look at it, i’ve thrown up,” he says, clearly embarrassed.

“oh. my. god. that’s what it is??? you should’ve told me sooner!” you say, trying to get the boy to look at you.

“why? so you could make fun of me for it?” he asks, still wallowing in embarrassment. 

“no!! that’s not it! you could’ve just closed your eyes and i could’ve just fed you it! i mean we’re in the perfect place for it! we’re outdoors, no one’s around and no one’s gonna question it either!” you say, gesturing wildly. this catches his attention.

“so that’s your solution? i don’t see a problem with it,” he says, sliding his plate over to you. the realization about what you just said hits you and you let out a shriek.

"what if someone sees us and then misinterprets this??” you say, suddenly panicking.

“like you said, there’s no one around. they’re all too busy eating dinner. plus it’s completely innocent, we’re not doing anything horrible. just think of it as just helping someone out. there’s no shame in that.” 

“i mean, i guess i get that,” you say, sighing and wondering what you got yourself into. “now close your eyes.” he obliges and you cut up the ravioli into halves. “here comes the airplane!” you say cheerily. you couldn’t tell if that was an attempt to get back at him or just you trying to make him feel better. he turns his head and opens his eyes.

“say that again and i swear to god i will stab you with that fork.”

“oh! ok…” he closes his eyes and turns back around, mouth open and you feed him the bite. you continue doing it until the plate is empty. however that doesn’t come without a few missteps. sometimes, one of you would move and it wouldn’t quite reach him, but in the end you got there. “you’re done! there’s no more left, so all we have to do is take the plates and silverware back to the cafeteria!” you say, gathering the utensils and dishes. aaron is already standing up, doing a quick stretch that has you reeling. 

you don’t think he notices as he walks over to you and extends his arms towards you. “get up,” he says, shaking his hands a little bit. you take his hands and he pulls you up from the position you were sitting in.  he takes the plates and silverware as the two of you walk back in to the cafeteria. there’s a comfortable silence as the two of you continue onwards to the second part of your comfortable routine. 

walking hand in hand, you want to break the silence to ask him something but he beats you to it. “thank you for you know, feeding me. i was serious about the whole ‘if i eat ravioli and i see the insides i’m gonna throw up’ thing. i thought i was gonna have to suffer before evening practice,” he says, absentmindedly caressing the back of your hand with his thumb.

“i mean, it’s no big deal really. i wouldn’t have wanted you to like, starve,” you say, mirroring his actions from earlier and choosing to look at everything but him. he notices this and smirks.

“you know, i really wouldn’t mind you doing that again…” and with that, you stop walking and immediately go red.

“you can’t just say things like that!” you say, taking your hand from his, and turning away to bury your face in your hands. he doesn’t know if he finds this cute or entertaining or maybe even both. 

“but i just did,” he says, mocking your tone and letting out a laugh at your extreme reaction. he turns you around and holds you close. 

“you are the absolute worst. you know that right?” you ask, voice coming out muffled. 

“i’ve been told that,” he says, clearly still amused by your antics. “i just didn’t think it would come from you, now that hurts.” you don’t even bother to grace him with a response. you just sigh and just stay there until he untangles the two of you when you’re both ready. “but seriously, thank you. i don’t know what i’d do without you.” you don’t respond but you both know what you’re thinking. i don’t know what i’d do without you either. 

“did i ever tell you why i dislike ravioli so much?” he asks, grabbing your hand again and softly swinging it. 

“i don’t think you did, but why?” 

“when i was younger, my family and i watched this like, documentary about how frozen foods were made. and when it started talking about ravioli, it was tolerable until it showed how they made the meat and stuff and got it into the pasta and it was just gross. i think you can guess what happened next.”

“you never willingly went near ravioli again, and now throw up whenever you have to see the insides?” 

“exactly, and it’s so embarrassing-”

“stop it, it’s not embarrassing. if it makes you feel any better, it’d just be a beige flag. nothing too horrible,” you say in an attempt to comfort him. it doesn’t work as well as you thought it would because he gives you a confused look.

“what’s a beige flag?”

“a beige flag is a fact about someone that would cause you to do a double take, but isn’t that important - for example, my beige flag is that i have a very irrational fear of escalators.”

“you’re scared of escalators?” he asks, looking amused. 

“and you’re not? what if your foot got caught in one?” you quip back. he nods in understanding. the two of you continue the trek to his room in silence, not caring about what may happen next. all that really mattered to the two of you was enjoying the moment. 

#bandcamp boyfriend #bcb #aaron pace #aaron pace x reader

[raincamp]

08 03 2023

my (very comfortably platonic) FP has been talking about breaking up with her girlfriend and my BPD-ass brain can't help but start imagining a future where we're romantic with each other now that there's a little tiny sliver of a chance of it happening.

and honestly im pissed about it. i don't want to think about it. i mean, the idea feels nice, of course it does, she's one of my FPs and any chance at having a closer relationship with a FP is going to be welcomed with open arms. but the sane, stable, recovery-focused part of me is satisfied with what we have, i like being just her best friend. its predictable, comfortable, and safe.

i cant help it though, it feels intrusive. and i want it to stop, tbfh, considering we're going to be living together soon. i cant spend any time with her without those kinds of thoughts coming up at some point, especially when we're cuddling or something. yk, normal close platonic relationship shit.

what makes this even more complicated is that we have dated before. it was a long time ago, like, 7 years ago at this point, sometimes we both forget that it even happened, but its still a part of our history. we loved each other. and the only reason it didn't work out was because i was a child and had undiagnosed BPD symptoms starting to emerge.

we're stable now though, we know how to keep our relationship stable because we both work equally hard, and we both want to work equally hard, we've had our shitty past and now that we've both grown, she has the understanding that it's going to be harder than other friendships because of my disorder and she still works as hard as i do because we both care that much and it. works.

which is why i cant let it go, i cant help but think about whether or not we could try again. whether or not it would work this time. but she's the only fully stable relationship i have in my life, why would i risk it just to prove a hypothesis

idk, maybe because i'm dumb and need attention and love and validation?

im fighting with myself at this point. and i really just need to shutup and pretend that im not curious about what it would be like, and pretend like i don't and haven't always had feelings for her. it will go away eventually right? i hope so. i feel like im betraying her trust sometimes. i cant help but fall helplessly in love with any available person who gives me the slightest bit of validation though, its not necessarily either of our faults.

actually, yk what, i think i could probably talk to her about it and it would be ok. especially since i dont have the intention of acting on it. we'd be able to work something out. it'd probably be better than trying to hide it, and im sure she'd understand given the nature of my disorder. fuck im actually so lucky that i have this sort of friendship with her that im 98% confident that me having romantic feelings for her, and me sharing these with her, wouldn't impact our friendship in any way. i dont know many people that could claim that of their friends.

ill probably wait until everything with her gf blows over first though. itd probably be better just to make sure she's not stressed ab anything else rn

- andrew

#tumblr diary #dear diary #vent #vent posting #bpd #borderline #actually borderline #borderline personality disorder #bpd fp #bpd favorite person #favorite person #im not mentally stable #mental illness #actually mentally ill

[orbdog]

nationsquid did a video on username 666 and it got me thinking. probably about analog horror or something. which lead me to remember scruffy’s video on how fnaf plays with sound, more specifically, the sound the door light makes when you cant turn the light on.

humans love control. we love BEING in control. when we’re in control, we know exactly what the outcome of given situation is going to be. which is great, because we also hate unpredictability. we hate the unknown. in fact, we’re TERRIFIED of it.

when its 2008, and the internet feels so small, it feels predictable. i mean, surely you’ve seen everything, right? surely this place is safe and harmless. all you’ve every used it for is watching invader zim youtube poops, playing webkinz/neopets/poptropica/club penguin and watching episodes of anime filmed on a digital camera in front of a tv split into 20 different parts. you know what the internet holds and you know what most of the programs on your computer do.

its predictable, and nothing can actually be THAT scary when its contained in the box crt monitor of the ancient, lovingly outdated windows xp computer.

until, inevitably, your friend tells you that you can download some game or song for free. they don't tell you how, but how hard could it possibly be? the net is small, there's not a whole lot of searching to be done. you find it under the fourth stone you turn, and press the big yellow download button. your computer is chugging. you've never seen it go so slowly before. you move your cursor the X to just close internet explorer and try again. you click.

ding.

nothing happens.

maybe its the first time you’ve ever heard this sound before, maybe its not, but you know that when you click that X, your browser should close. why isn’t it closing? what is this short, abrupt sound and why is it making your attempts to close it feel so useless?

you try again.

ding.

you go to click on another tab.

ding.

you try to minimize, because seeing your desktop and getting the browser away from view will feel safer. you know whats on your desktop. your desktop isnt the internet, and youre starting to feel like you dont know whats on the internet anymore.

ding.

ding.

ding ding ding ding ding ding.

eventually you resort to leaning over and holding down the power button. after a few, agonizing seconds, the screen finally goes black and the fans in the case fall silent shortly after.

and you’re in control again.

#snarf #analog horror #nostalgic horror #windows xp #i dont really write anymore hope this isnt entirely poopshit ^_^

[eievuiisms]

ok so im finally just gonna infodump about that dhmis au i just randomly started posting like a week ago almost, which ive just referred to as the dollhouse au. anyway infodumping under the cut lmao

so as i mentioned in the og comic for it, it was kinda inspired by ‘inside a mind’s theory abt the dhmis webseries but likeeee mostly for the aspect of red guy being the main focus + having some level of responsibility irt the situation, but anyway i mention this since its the basis of this au more or less

so the trio were all humans once, & were all connected in some sort of way. i havent determined the extent of their relationships but they def knew each other, and werent like borderline strangers. in my mind, red & duck were coworkers + friends (and potentially working on getting to be more than that, but never got there) and red & yellow had a familial, brotherly type of relationship (ive tossed around the possibility of them being maybe step-brothers or smth like that, idk like i said i havent determined the extent so take that w/ a grain of salt)

(also fyi yellow’s an adult & is younger than both red & duck by a somewhat significant amount, but he’s def just a neurodivergent adult man. theres not any plot significance, i just figured i’d say lol)

now these 3 definitely all have struggles in their lives, some of which have been reflected in the show (red’s inability to connect with others ‘like him,’ duck not actually liking being alone, yellow having a poor relationship w/ his dad, etc etc). their lives arent exactly horrible but its far from sunshine & daisies

(ive kinna debated the idea that maybe a significant event happened that negatively affected red in particular but idk i dont think i wanna make it melodramatic so lets just leave it as ‘their lives arent Perfect’ for now lol)

so at some point, red comes across an antique shop that’s never been there before, one that holds all of the puppet props as well as the dollhouse from the TV series, which red is given with the claim that it ‘belongs to him’ (& yes, the person that gives it to him is lesley). so red is just kinda like ‘ok ig’ & takes this totally normal dollhouse that won’t cause him problems in the future home w/ him. what could possibly go wrong

anyway i figure some time passes after he obtains the dollhouse but basically to make a short story shorter, he - & the other 2 - wind up getting trapped inside the dollhouse as puppets, so theyre stuck in there & then in the normal world theyre obvs labelled as missing. while they’re trapped in this dollhouse, they dont remember anything from their prev life - they do not remember being human, and they do not remember knowing each other as closely as they once did.

so before proceeding, i will say that in this au, both the webseries & the TV series occur in the timeline, & they do indeed occur one after the other, so the webseries is ‘season 1′ & the TV series is ‘season 2′ (& i think i will be referring to them as such throughout the rest of this dump bc its easier than specifying ‘webseries’ & ‘TV series’ each time lol)

so during s1, red guy is in ‘control’ - in the absolute loosest terms, bc obviously these puppets cant control SHIT, but all i mean by 'control’ is that their surroundings are reflective of a certain individual. in the case of s1, it is red. because of this, the trio is a little more self-aware (as red particularly was in s1), and they remember each incident that happens between episodes. obviously, things go downhill reaallllyyyy badly because red doesnt have a grip on anything, so we get some pretty nasty incidents. additionally, the world all around looks more realistic & uncanny while red has the reins

eventually, red accidentally leaves following dhmis 4, and this leads to him going into a version of the real world (obvs not the actual real world. whatever forces that have put him & his friends there aint done with him yet), which, as we all know, eventually leads to him pulling the plug on the world. now, he did this with the expectation that he & the other 2 would finally be free. but no, all it did was take the control out of his hands and put it into the hands of someone else

enter s2, i’m actually going to go ahead & say that ‘transport’ is the first thing that happens chronologically. so here we have red coming freshly out of s1′s events which were clearly traumatizing, and who also expected to be free of this hell puppet world only to find himself right back in the thick of it, so yeah, he’s a little on edge and stir crazy and wants to be free. but here’s the real kicker: none of them fully remember the events of s1. yellow & duck certainly dont, & red only has hints of feelings remaining from it, enough to make him frustrated, but not enough to remember the gory details. this is meant to be the hint that the ‘control’ has switched hands, since as i mentioned previously, they could remember what happened between incidents under red’s control. by the end of ‘transport’ whenever yellow reacts to hearing lesley’s voice, that’s the reveal in this au that yellow’s the next person to be ‘in control’

ways in s2 that show that yellow’s now control: things are definitely a lot softer, while still having their darker moments (compare this to yellow’s brain friends & how cute they were, then how that eventually went downhill) + the trio only have vague recollections of previous events (yellow evidently has some memory problems according to ‘friendship’), among other things. but basically, just judging on how the show treats yellow in s2, its reasonable enough to say in this au that he’s the next one in control of the dollhouse after red, who was evidently seen as an inappropriate fit

anyway thats about all i got atm lol, ive just been rotating this au in my brain for a while so i figured its abt time i like. actually write out most of the details gkjfhgjk. especially bc ppl seemed to like the lil drawings ive done for it, so < 3

#be quiet kira #dhmis #dhmis au

[buckys-black-dress]

see through

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚　　˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

a/n: i dont have much to say other than that it's 1 am and i needed to get this out of my system. chapter 4 of play the game is underway, i promise. also, there will be a pov switch in this fic!

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. = POV change!

wc: 4.1k words

[ neighbor!bucky barnes x fem!reader ]

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚　　˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

-

Every Friday night, without fail, you saw the light filter into your apartment.

Notice how you said night?

Yeah, it was almost two in the morning, by the way.

And why was there light coming through the chiffon curtains you had hanging on the rod above your window?

(Great choice on your part, by the way.)

Well, because of your neighbor.

You've seen him a few times, actually. Usually on the street outside your buildings, or just out and about. Never spoke to him, though. He was quiet, kept to himself. Didn't seem very friendly or willing to exchange a greeting if he ever saw you.

But you never took it personally. Maybe he was having a bad day. Every time you saw him.

But that's besides the point. The point right now is that you can see the lights blaring in your room. From the apartment across from yours.

Should it even be possible for light to travel that far? I mean, we don't even live in the same building. You think to yourself as you watch the colors dance in the dark.

You debate getting up and yelling out your window to tell him to shut that shit off or to invest in some blackout curtains. You were tired of sacrificing your sleep every week.

But then you decided against it, because you quite frankly could not be bothered to get up from the warmth of your bed. You'd tough it out for the night, but the next time you saw him, you'd have a few words for him.

-

The next morning, it was almost ten when you woke up. You didn't have your shift at the coffee shop you worked at until three, so you took your time in making your way out of bed.

You noticed the curtains of your neighbor's apartment were still open, but you could see his figure moving across the room. He was clearly on the phone with someone, and he didn't look too happy. You wondered what could have him so angry at such an early time of the morning. He seemed like a person who could use someone to talk to, someone who he could vent to.

But before you let your thoughts get ahead of you, you turn away from the window, heading back into your kitchen to eat breakfast and get ready for the long day ahead of you.

-

"Hi, what can I get started for you today?" You ask as brightly as you can muster at the moment. You were halfway through your shift, another three hours until close.

"Uh, just a large black coffee." The gruff voice says, and it takes you a second until you look up and look closely.

It was him.

"O-okay, that'll be $3.27." You say, and he hands you a five dollar note before grumbling,

"Keep the change."

"Thanks, and your name?"

He gives you a look that's asking, 'what the fuck do you need my name for?'

"For the order." You try and salvage your dignity, because it feels like the stare shrunk you to a speck of dust.

"James."

That's all he all but growls before turning back to find a seat.

As your coworker takes over the cash register, you grab the biggest cup and fill it with his desired coffee.

You try to not think about it too much, but the anxiety you feel rising up inside you and just calling his name to give him his coffee feels absolutely ridiculous.

"Are you just gonna stare at the cup or give it to the customer?" The voice of your coworker, Jenna, rings in your ears and you look up at her, snapping out of the trance you were in.

"Sorry, I'm just a little out of it today, I guess."

"Everything alright?" She asks, and you nod.

"I'm fine, it's just... that's my neighbor." You nod your head towards where James is sat, in the corner by the window as he watches the raindrops run down the expanse of the glass.

"The one who doesn't let you sleep?"

"Yeah, but I don't think he'd take it too kindly if I tell him about that. He seems to have a lot on his own plate anyways," You explain, and she just nods.

"Well, that sucks, but you still need ta' give the guy his coffee." Jenna smiles and walks back to what she was doing before.

You gently slide out from your spot behind the counter and walk to his table.

"Here's your coffee, James. Enjoy, and- uh, let me know if you'd like anything else." You tell him while placing the steaming cup in front of him.

He murmurs a thank you that you barely catch, but you don't quite have the time to sit and wait for more of a reaction.

For the next several hours, James sits right where he was. He doesn't do anything in particular, either. He just watches outside, as the rain continues to pelt down on New York City, and as people come and go from where they were.

Eventually, about an hour left until close, you offer another cup of coffee.

"Do you want a refill? On the house." You ask gently, waiting to see if you'll get brushed off again.

"Uh... are you allowed to do stuff like that?" He asks, and you're a bit taken aback at the sudden concern.

"I don't think you should worry yourself too much, James. Free coffee's free coffee." You smile lightly, and grab the cup before filling it up without his confirmation. You could tell he wanted to say yes but didn't want to seem rude.

"You didn't have to..." He grumbles, and you simply shake your head.

"I know, but you've been here a while, and what kind of employee would I be if I let a customer sit here without any sustenance?" Your lips ply into a tiny smirk, trying to get him to loosen up a bit.

He seems so guarded, defensive. Like any moment, he's ready to run if need be, you inspect to yourself.

"You'd just be a regular employee, Y/N." He says, but the way he says your name makes a shiver run down your spine; and you can't tell if it's a good or bad one.

You unconsciously look down at your name tag, pinned to your black apron that's branded with the café's logo.

"Well, I felt like being nice. I hope you can deal." Your voice comes out short, but he knows you mean no harm.

As you walk back to the counter, you see a small smile playing on his lips, but he doesn't allow it to manifest on his face. You take that as a small victory for your last hour of work.

(bucky's pov).・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

The girl who works at this café is annoying.

But she's got a nice smile. And she's nice to me, Bucky thinks to himself.

He sips on the new coffee you'd just poured for him, without his consent, he thinks bitterly.

But it was a nice gesture.

Why can't you just take a nice gesture?

Because your brain's been scrambled eggs for 70 years. You don't know what to think about anything these days.

He watches you fiddle with the espresso maker, cleaning it with a rag, which you then dip into a bucket.

You look extremely familiar to him, but he can't exactly pin where he's seen you before.

Bucky closes his eyes for a moment, trying to recall where he'd seen you, but for a moment, he comes up with nothing.

Ever since he's been living back in the real world, he hasn't been outside too much.

He goes on the occasional walk, or goes to the tower to see Steve and Sam.

But other than that, he spends a lot of time in his Brooklyn apartment. He watches movies that Steve suggests, or he invites Steve and Sam over to have beer and watch TV with him.

He hates how lonely it gets, though.

Bucky wishes that he had someone.

Someone who could understand.

And don't get him wrong, he loves Sam and Steve. They fill in the gaps in his days, and they make them better.

Sometimes, thinking about having something to do that day is what makes it. He likes having something to do, something to plan for for when his friends come over.

But it feels like a teeny, tiny part of his life is missing. A person shaped-hole in his heart.

But Bucky doesn't spend too long thinking about it, or it'll send him into a spiral about failure and how he needs to 'push himself to get out there more.'

Or that's what his therapist says.

"Hey, we're about to close, and we usually throw the pastries out at the end of the day. Do you wanna take these home, by any chance?" Your voice rings in his ears, snapping him out of the impending slippery slope of his lack of love life.

He hesitates to answer for a second, looking at the brown paper bag pinched between your fingers.

Bucky can tell you were nervous when you spoke to him. He knew he made you uneasy, and it killed him inside.

He hated that. He just wanted to have a normal conversation with someone. But everyone seems to know who he is.

Who he was.

"Uh, what is it?" He croaks, unsure of what to say at your gesture.

"It's a few cookies and a chocolate croissant."

"Sure, I'll take 'em." Bucky simply answers, watching as you hand the bag over with a soft smile and watches you walk back.

You sweep up the floor and put up all the chairs, except for the one Bucky's sitting on. You leave his table alone, and bid farewell to your coworker who was scheduled to close with you.

Bucky doesn't know what drives him to do it, but he gets up after he sees you walk out the door, and follows you home.

Damn, if you like a girl, you usually ask for her number or somethin'. Not follow her home to make sure she's safe, you idiot. Bucky's inner voice speaks and sometimes, he wishes it would just shut up because he knows he has no game nowadays, but this is all he knows to do.

He realizes the way you're walking is familiar, and not at all of the way he was supposed to be going. That made him feel a little better, less like a creep. He's about half a block behind you, and when you turn onto the same street he lives on, he's really confused.

Did you know he was behind you? Are you trying to play a trick on him?

But before Bucky can speak up or say something, you walk right past his building, and into the one right next to it.

All of a sudden, images of you right on the street in front of your buildings flash through his head. He's seen you because you're his neighbor. Bucky's seen you right there, getting ready to start your run through the neighborhood, or probably on your way to work, now that he's seen where you work.

But he feels like there's somewhere else he's seen you; somewhere familiar.

He shakes his head, wondering why he's so caught up in you. He thought you were beautiful, but he feels a pull to you that he's never felt with anyone else before.

Bucky's hands move to unlock his door, sliding the key in and twisting the lock open.

He enters, staring at his dark apartment. It's moments like this, when he spends a long day alone, that he wishes there was someone.

Someone to come home to, to hug, to kiss, to share dinner with.

Some to fall asleep with at night. Someone to keep the terrors of the dark away.

But there was no one.

And then his mind thought back to you. Your hair, your face, your warm hands that touched his while you passed him the brown paper bag of treats.

Bucky wishes he was man enough to ask you out. Not even that, just to talk to you. Have a normal conversation, to get to know you.

But that wasn't in the cards for him anytime soon, he thinks.

For now, he focuses on taking things one at a time. And right now, all he wanted was a nice, warm shower and to get at least three hours of sleep tonight.

He's in his room, forgoing the lights for now, before he looks out his window.

For a moment, he believes his eyes are playing tricks on him.

There's absolutely no way that you are standing right there, right outside his window.

Well, in your own apartment, of course.

And there's absolutely no way in hell that Bucky is watching you undress right now.

As soon as you pull off your top, Bucky turns around before he could get more than a peek of your black lace bra, and he feels a burn in the pit of his stomach.

He can't tell if it's shame, guilt, or arousal.

(y/n's pov).・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

You couldn't stop thinking about James all day.

After yesterday, you wondered why you couldn't shake this feeling about him.

He'd made it quite clear that he's not a people person. Or maybe he just wasn't a you person.

But again, you tried to not take things too personally these days.

Sometimes, you wondered, though, as you looked through your bedroom window to his some nights.

You imagined what it would be like, watching one of those movies with him at night. Making dinner with him. Having coffee in the mornings before work, wondering what he did for a living.

You chastise yourself for your thoughts, thinking that you were crazy for these ideas you were coming up with out of nowhere.

As you pull off your clothes to get ready for bed, you feel the same emptiness fill your heart when your head hits the pillow, and another day has gone by where you're all alone.

-

The next day, your shift was at ten in the morning so you were up early.

You took your time in rolling out of bed. The warmth of your duvet was holding you down, and you couldn't help take a peek out your window.

You see that the room facing yours is finally housing a body in the bed. In all the time you'd been living across him, you've only seen him on the floor.

You feel a warm flutter at that. Whatever reason led him to actually sleep in the bed last night was, you hope you played a role in it.

-

You make your way to the café, and although walking in the rain wasn't ideal, you made it, somehow.

You clock in and head to the register, ready to take the millions of orders that come in through the day.

"Hi- oh! Welcome back. What can I get you?" Your tone of voice made it clear you were surprised, but was trying to not let it show.

"Uhm, just the same as yesterday, and... Can I get a chocolate croissant?" Bucky's gruff voice tells you.

You ring him up, wondering if you should say something about him being your neighbor. Although, he didn't seem too keen on looking you in the eye right now, and you wonder if you did something to make him uncomfortable yet again.

He seems to have this issue quite often.

Little do you know, this time, it isn't because of you or anything you did.

Well, nothing you did on purpose.

Nothing you were aware of at the time.

Anyways, you tell James to go take a seat and that you'd be right out with his order.

"Here you go, James," you place the plate and mug on the table, and this time, when you hear him say something, you turn around with furrowed brows.

"Sorry, I didn't catch what you said." You apologize, waiting for him to repeat himself.

"I- nevermind, it was stupid anyways. You probably have to get back to work." He mumbles while looking back down at his pastry.

"James, whatever it is, you can tell me." You offer with a kind smile. "I can come sit with you during my break, if you don't mind?" A hopeful smile crosses your face.

"Uh, I- yes, yeah, that would be nice." He struggles for a moment, but finally nods his head in confirmation along with his words.

"Alright, James. I get off in an hour for my break." You simply tell him with a soft grin, and you can practically feel his eyes burning into you as you walk away.

The blush creeping up your cheeks also stays there until the remainder of your shift.

-

As you plop in the chair across from James, you inspect him for a moment.

He was attractive, you'll admit.

Okay, he was more than attractive.

"So, James, where are you from?" You ask, your own cup of coffee in front of you on the table.

"Well, I'm Brooklyn born 'nd raised. Never was a time I didn't live here. You?" His lip twitches, looking out the window fondly.

"That's nice. I moved here when I was nine, so I guess I've been here a while. But no matter where I go, there's nowhere like home." You smile.

"There really isn't, huh? This place is irreplaceable." He gives you a crack of another smile, and you find yourself yearning for more from him. Just a tooth, something.

"Well, do you live around here?" You ask, deciding to play coy. You wanted to see what he'd say.

"Uh, yeah, actually. Over on DeKalb and Clinton." He clears his throat, the hint of a smile on his face melting right off.

"Huh, that's so funny. I live on those streets too." You grin, waiting to see his reaction.

"O-Oh really?" James doesn't really know what to say without giving away that he knows where you fucking live.

"Yeah, isn't that funny? Which building?" You're pressing, and you know he knows, but you're having your fun right now.

"T-the uhm... I live in the Washington." He's now making zero eye contact with you, and you're close to breaking.

"What a coincidence! I live in the Oakley!" You're in a fit of giggles when his face drops, you just can't help it anymore.

"James, can I tell you something?" You ask in a coquettish manner.

"Yeah, I suppose you'll tell me even if I say no." He gives a tight smile as a joke.

"I don't wanna sound like a creep, but I knew you lived in the Washington."

"Oh," James releases a breath of relief, "thank God. I knew you lived in the Oakley, but I didn't wanna sound like a stalker either." He says.

You laugh, sliding a hand on top of his resting on the table.

"Y'know, you do this really annoying thing where you leave your movies running on full brightness on your TV, and I can see it through my windows at night." You laugh at the incredulity of the situation.

"Oh... I never even thought of that. I'm sorry, Y/N." He looks genuinely remorseful, and now you feel bad for any bad thought you've had about the man that lives across from you.

"It's alright. No big deal." Your smile does a good job of convincing Bucky that you truly weren't bothered by his actions, but he still felt bad.

"Y'know, maybe I could make it up to you?" He asks, and you feel a blush moving up your chest. "Like, maybe over dinner?" His voice is timid, you can tell by the way he tilts his head down while speaking.

"James," you slide your hand into his this time, your smaller one resting in his large metal one. "I'd love to go out with you sometime."

Before he could react, you stood up from the chair.

"My break's over, but I get off at 3." You lean down and pull a pen from your apron, scribbling your number onto a napkin. "Here."

You walk away before he could say anything, but there's something about him this time that you notice.

He's blushing, too. And he's smiling. A bright, white, blinding smile.

You think of that smile throughout your whole shift, until you see he's still waiting for you when it's time to go.

"So, do you like Chinese or Italian better?" He asks with a crooked smile.

-

bonus scene:

six months later

You and Bucky are laid across your bed, the TV blaring a movie that neither of you are paying attention to. Your head is resting on his shoulder, leg thrown over both of his, and his hand running through your hair.

"You wanna know somethin' doll?" Bucky asks, and you feel his chest rumble under your head.

"Yeah, everything okay?" You ask while leaning up on your elbow to get a good look at him, trying to gauge his mood.

"Everything's okay, just remembered something." He laughs, his hand moving to hold your jaw in it. You shivered at the touch, but smiled fondly at the action.

"When I first saw you at the coffee shop, that first day when you gave the free coffee and pastries... I followed you home."

Your brows furrow and it's clear that you were confused as to why.

"I wanted to make sure you got home safe, and then it turned out that you lived right next to me. So I went up to my apartment and wondered what I'd done right in a past life to have you live right next to me, and then I saw you lived right across from me." His face was tipped upwards, like he was replaying that night in his head.

"You followed me home just to make sure I was safe?" You asked in disbelief that he did something so nice for you, when at the time you thought he hated you.

"Of course, sweetheart. It was dark out and there 're some real jerks out there, y'know." One corner of his mouth lifts up in a soft smirk. "Didn't want anything to happen to ya."

You lean down and press a kiss to the corner of his mouth, appreciating his gesture.

"I really thought you didn't like me back then, so this is a nice little secret you've been hiding from me." You giggle when he pulls you back in for a real kiss.

"Yeah, well, I don't think I could'a hated you if I tried, baby. You're too sweet. And at the time, I was still getting used to being out in the open without being a national security threat." You both laugh lightly, dropping your head down.

A moment passes where you bask in his words, letting them soak in. And then a thought hits you, and you can't help but become more curious. Now you need to know the answer.

"Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, hon." Now Bucky's brows are pulled together, and you reach up and smooth out the wrinkle with your thumb.

"Did you ever... see me doing anything in here? Like, I usually keep the curtains open, and even if they're closed, they're pretty see-through..." You trail off, giving him time to craft his response.

You have a feeling you know the answer, considering how he turns red like a tomato in an instant as words leave your lips.

"I... there was this one time, but I swear, I wasn't trying to peep on you or anything, it was the same day I followed you and I just so happened to look into your window, and you were getting undressed, but I swear, I turned away as soon as I saw what you were doing, baby-" He was rambling, trying to save himself from sounding like a complete creep after all he's just told you.

"Did you like it?" You ask, innocently, but he knew what you were trying to do.

"I-I- You were getting undressed, sweetheart, of course I liked it... are you kidding me?" Bucky's grasping for the words, trying to make you understand.

"Well... we could always recreate it, but maybe in the same apartment this time?" You cock your head to the side, your doe eyes stirring a feeling in his abdomen.

"I think that's an excellent idea, honey." Bucky's hands grasp your waist as you slide on top of his lap. "After all, I am a hands on learner."

-

fin. i hope you enjoyed!

#bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes smut #bucky imagine #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky fic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x female reader #bucky barnes reader insert #neighbor!bucky #bucky barnes au

[irisu-syndromemes]

on irisu's diary, uujima's memory, and contradictions

something i havent seen anyone talk much about is irisu's diary. no, not the cough medicine txt file. irisu's in-game diary. you know, this?

...except in english. i havent seen many people ever talk about this except for when it spooks them during videos. well, i figured someone should transcript it. so i did. heres the full text, from the english translation patch:

"I moved a lot as a child so I never really made any friends. I was so scared of becoming close to someone that eventually, I stopped talking. All my classmates, and even my teachers, shunned me. But I had a friend, in the corner of the schoolyard. Every time I got close to the cage, it'd come wobbling over to greet me. I'd reach through the netting, and pet its forehead. It liked it. I think it was taken in as a weakling by the school, but no one came to see it. It was weak, shy and covered in scars. Half of one ear was torn off. There was a cat at the school, too. Everyone played with it. I got sick whenever I played with the cat, so I stayed away from it, and everyone else. That boy showed up to help one day. Apparently he lost a bet. And that's how I started to like him. Maybe I was being selfish, but I slowly got closer and closer to him. In the middle of those dark and gloomy days, being with him may have been the only happy moment of my childhood. One day, I came to my friend's cage to settle it down. The door was open. In the middle of the cage, I saw red liquid splattered all over. All that remained in the cage was it severed head. And the cat, licking the remains That cat,"

first, i feel like i should point out that its impossible to know what comes after "that cat" so in actuality, we dont know if in english the sentence would start with that (for the record: in japanese you could say "i hate cats because of that cat" but the order of the words would be completely different, so saying "that cat is the reason why i hate cats" would be a more literal translation of the sentence, in accordance to the order of sentence parts. i dont speak japanese, nor am i knowledgeable and articulate enough to explain myself, but the basic gist is that the translators translated what they could read). second, i genuinely have no clue what "settle it down" means in this context, i feel like that doesnt make any sense, so ill just ignore it. lastly, this post will take this diary entry as "truth" aka what irisu experienced as a kid.

this diary entry shines light on something that isnt explored very well in the diary entries in uujima's suicidal rabbit diary: he talked to irisu... so i assume. "showed up to help one day" at least to me implies they talked. taking into account the small comment about the bet, we can assume that was just a half-assed excuse uujima made up to be with her, but the fact that this is never mentioned ever again leads me to think uujima simply forgot about the small lie. this wouldnt be important if not for the fact that he cant remember irisu from back when they were both kids during the events of his diary txt file as college students. we know this because he never mentions remembering her from anywhere. and youd think decapitating a rabbit to make said girl more sociable would be enough reason to remember her, right? in the in-game diary excerpts, he claims to have always watched her from afar... but this seems suspicious to me.

many claim that uujima didnt actually kill uutarou, because one of the diary entries say that the rabbit was lying on the floor of the cage, dead. but the last ripped diary page mentions he saw the rabbit's last moments. so which is the truth?

there are other things that make me suspect that uujima has memory problems. he seems not to remember why he "saw"/"sees" the rabbit's red eyes in his sleep, and there is an instance of him apparently not remembering the foreign picture books of dying rabbits. his general personality also points to that of a person who's careless about what happens to himself (like being suicidal, but careful in more "important" matters, such as thinking of irisu's plan backfiring on them due to evidence and such), so i cant help but think that whether the rabbit was killed or was already dead is honestly rather ambiguous.

i dont know if all these contradictions are the result of the writer/s not writing the details properly into the game, translation issues, or just purposeful writing that puts emphasis on lost memory. of note, there are different instances of canonical material (as in, both found in and from the game, as well as dataminable files) that refer to the boys as satoru and takeru, but sometimes theyre satoshi and takeshi. in the end, im just left confused.

-Mod transcribing that whole text was a chore. oh well~

#irisu syndrome #analysis.txt #hope this is interesting to read for at least someone! it was interesting for me to research this