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depravitycentral · 9 months

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Wait but can i please ask for a darling that can speak a language that her captor( especially Nobunaga or Uvogin) can't ? 🥹

Like she speaks Vietnamese so everytime that dude try to hugs her or random shit and she said "Cút ra coi" ( please fuck off) and he can't understand! Maybe he will be mad since her tone is carrying alot of attitudes.

Since Vietnamese have ALOT of cursed words so i think i can bullied them and get away with it sometime...

You don't have to do this if you don't want to but if you did, thank you alot. I recently go crazy with your blog, you are so talented 😭🙌. Love and support from Vietnam!

As a preface, my native language is English, I speak a passable amount of Spanish, and I'm minoring in German at my university but I'm not nearly proficient, so I'm not exactly the expert in being fluently multilingual, but I'll try my best with this one!

As with most things, different yanderes have different feelings regarding this ability of yours. By and large, they find it wonderful - you're just so smart, so capable and wonderful and hearing the way the syllables and phrases fall from your lips gets them shivering, their heart racing in their chest because god, you sound heavenly. Even if the language is harsher sounding, or isn't considered the most alluring - it's seductive to them, sensual, sexy.

But, of course, you're only supposed to use the other language(s) at certain times. On their terms. When they want to just admire you and not understand what you're saying. When you're just supposed to look pretty, to be gorgeous and wonderful and perfect.

But the rest of the time, speak what they understand, yeah?

Because really, the worst nightmare of most yanderes is to be unable to understand what you're saying - they crave your attention and interaction with you so deeply and desperately that they can't stand not having a clue of what you're saying. Every thought you have feels precious to them, like some sort of cherished, rare commodity that they absolutely can't waste.

But of course, each yandere is different, so let's discuss!

Some are genuinely ambivalent. The lucid yanderes really fall into two main categories; apathetic, and paranoid. The more apathetic, laid-back yanderes think it's good that you're speaking in a language that makes you more comfortable. They want you to feel comfortable and happy around them, after all, and if this is the way to make that happen, so be it. This is a very small price to pay to make you like them more - they can't understand what you're saying, sure, but it's good for you to be able to vent, to be able to speak all your feelings - even if they wish they could hear every single word. Besides, you look nice when you're speaking - they like to watch your lips, the different sounds making them pucker and smack and look soft and warm and delicious. A few yanderes who react in this way include Franklin Bordeau, Pakunoda, Uvogin, Hajime Iwaizumi, Gyomei Himejima, and Shouta Aizawa.

Some of them are paranoid that you're saying things about them, calling them horrible names and expressing your hatred for them. Mostly, this stems from the yandere's own lucidity and shame for how they feel for you. It's wrong to be so obsessed with you, and even further wrong to have kidnapped you and forced you to stay with them for the rest of your life - of course you're angry, and it's healthy to vent your feelings. Except, there's this sense of diminished control when you're ranting and raving in another language, because even though you sound pretty, what are you saying? You aren't using their name, sure, but you sound mad, and they're the only possible cause. Are you calling them a monster? Telling them they're hideous and disgusting and some sick freak? You're well within your rights to do so, sure, but they want to at least know what kind of insults you're throwing their way. Overthinking and anxiety get the best of them, and they start forbidding you from speaking another language - on the grounds of it being unfair or some other horrible, childish excuse. Mostly, they just don't like the idea of you harboring hateful feelings for them without even knowing about it. It's scary, and even if it sounds pretty and makes them gush over you, it's not preferable. A few yanderes that come to mind for this category are Feitan Portor, Obanai Iguro, Tobio Kageyama, Kenji Futakuchi, and Tomura Shigaraki.

Some are utterly fascinated. Watching you speak another language can captivate them for hours, and they'll be bugging you to explain everything you're saying, perched at the edge of their seat because they want to understand this piece of you. They'll want you to teach them a little bit - just a few phrases, to start, but you'll find that they've gone and done some research of their own, quickly getting a feel for the language because it's your language and they want to impress you - and will begin actively trying to use it in their everyday interactions with you. The phrases they prioritize are I love you, you are beautiful, you are mine, and come to bed with me. (And of course, depending on the language, that last one can have a whole wealth of different connotations.) It makes them feel connected to you, like there's some special thing binding you two together - particularly if it's a language that's less commonly spoken. It's like some secret you two share, and for the more possessive yanderes, it's just another claim of ownership over you - they can be involved in every part of your life, slowly seeping their presence into every little thing you do - even something as natural and personal and raw. A few yanderes who take this approach are Chrollo Lucilfer, Kurapika Kurta, Koushi Sugawara, Kyojuro Rengoku, Tengen Uzui, Hizashi Yamada, and Taishiro Toyomitsu.

By and large, most yanderes have positive feelings towards your ability to speak another language - it just makes you more special, and convinces them that you're even more worthy of their attention and attraction.

Besides, when you say their name with the accent it would be spoken in your language?

Well, it's your fault when they're throwing you onto the bed and kissing you like they'll die without you.

(Also I am sending you hugs and kisses, thanks for supporting my blog from Vietnam!! As for Nobunaga, I have mixed feelings about where to place him on this listing - I think he'd like the idea, initially, because you just look so damn cute when you're speaking your language, especially when you're cursing or frustrated. But the moment that you say something he thinks might be about him and might be even a bit negative, suddenly those endearing feelings are changing. Suddenly he's growing defensive, hostile, suspicious, demanding you tell him what you said and thus falling into the second category mentioned above. I think he's a hard yandere to categorize for most things because his delusional mindset makes him a bit unpredictable, but that would be my guess!)

#_lee discusses #_hxh #_bnha #_kny #_haikyuu #yandere haikyuu #yandere bnha #yandere kny #yandere hxh

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lutiaslayton · 9 months

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Hey guys, I felt like giving you a bit of a heads up: now that the transcription of the Japan-exclusive Eternal Diva novel has been completed, I am now working on its translation. And I thought -- hey, why not share this translation here as I go?

The website's translation is meant to be as accurate as possible and is filled with annotations and comparisons with the Japanese version, but if all we're interested in is just reading the darn novel like it's actually meant to be (read: a story that is actually enjoyable to read), then this translation really isn't going to make that happen.

(Just look at this. This is awful. Translation accuracy: 9/10. Reading enjoyment: WhatTheHeckIsThis /10. Do not recommend.)

---

So yeah, I'm actually working on two English translations 👀 First one is from the website and meant primarily to study Japanese and (sometimes) get the juicy lore, and the second one will be posted here! This second translation will actually be meant to be read like a novel / fanfiction, in the sense that I'll rephrase things and try to make it as enjoyable as can be. It may mean that a thing or two might be changed along the way, but I'll try to keep my creative juice under control and try to stay as close to the original as possible.

If anyone wants to criticise this translation and bring suggestions if you think that I took too many liberties, feel free to let me know so we can rephrase things! It'd be much cooler if this were a collaborative project rather than the work of just one person who might end up putting in her own biases, whether consciously so or not.

---

I can't tell when exactly I will start uploading since I'd like to have some buffer before starting, but when I do, I'll try to have some sort of schedule. Like one "chapter" or so every week, something like that. (The novel doesn't have "chapters," but it does have sections with titles. So I guess we might as well call those "chapters" for commodity.)

Anyway, that's pretty much all I wanted to say -- just a little teaser and some context for something I've been working on and will hopefully start posting soon-ish, and which I'd like to share with you guys as soon as I can! It'd be cool if this could be something I could post while my PhD is slowly ending and my workload is getting heavier and heavier -- just imagine if I had some buffer that I'd just put in my queue, and then boom, a chapter a week while I'm off dying while preparing my PhD defence and whatnot hahaha. No promises, but it would be really cool if I could pull it off.

#professor layton #eternal diva #eternal diva novel #layton's book club #layton preservation

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mrwinterr · 2 years

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Over & Over (Again) - Part 1

Pairing(s): Pornstar!Pietro Maximoff x Female Reader (mention of Pornstar!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader)

Summary: You and Bucky are set to work with each other again, but insecurities and shit. Read Part 1 here.

Warnings: Adult themes. | Smut 18+

Disclaimer: I still don’t know how the porn industry works. We’re here for a good time, not a long time.

A/N: Fuck it. I wrote this and never finished it, but why should I deprive anyone who happens to want read this AU? Also, feel free to visualize either portrayals of Pietro in this piece. Enjoy!

“Now, I want a full report on everything that happens on that set, okay?” Wanda requests as she follows you out from your walk-in closet, where you had grabbed a new pair of lingerie for the said film you’re currently packing for, and back into your bedroom to stuff it into your suitcase at the last minute.

She doesn’t see the humorous roll of your eyes, but she knows you made some sort of playful gesture because of Natasha, who was lounging on your bed, and the smirk adorning her face. As your mentor, she still checked with you each time you left to film and you were always grateful for her advice. Her support is exactly what you’d be needing too because you were booked to film a scene for another prominent director - Tony Stark. For that reason, Wanda was eager to seek out any kind of insight she could get from you on how to continue in outing her rival.

“Let the girl focus on her real job, Wan,” Natasha says trying to get her off your back. It wasn’t actually a bother, but rather amusing to you that she and Tony would go to such lengths to outdo the other. He paid a hefty price with Natasha for her to allow him to book you for his next film. More importantly, she wouldn’t have steered you in the wrong direction or thrown you out there if you weren’t ready.

Your shoot with Bucky struck gold within the porn community and the momentum you picked up didn’t slow its roll. Just as you were told, you were a hot commodity! Your ranking skyrocketed, you were getting booked left and right, started working with bigger names and companies, which all meant you were getting paid more. It’s been quite the journey and the break you’ve been looking for since you started a career in the adult film industry.

“You’re right,” Wanda agrees, letting out a big sigh to alleviate her worry. “What am I really worried about? No one can top that film I did with her and Bucky,” then flashes a small, complacent smile to the two of you.

“Yeah, except maybe a sequel of her and Bucky…” Natasha counters with another knowing smile of her own.

“What?!” Wanda asks, bewildered, eyes bugging, the worry starting to creep back in on her face.

“Oops, I guess we forgot to mention to Wanda who your co-star was, didn’t we?” Natasha directs the question to you, getting a kick out of Wanda’s reaction. You shake your head at your friends before zipping up your bag and setting it on the ground, ready for you to roll on out with.

“How could you forget such a huge detail like that?” She questions, and it doesn’t stop there. “I can overlook the fact that he’s paying your expense to a lavish city in Europe, but not her and Bucky again!”

“It’s really not that big of a deal, Wanda,” you say so casually with a shrug and you don’t miss the dead unamused look on her face because she knows what you said was complete bullshit to her. The now infamous video had been seen by millions and in counting, hell, you were already getting early nominations for it. Wanda feared that she wouldn’t be able to follow up to it and now her rival, who is just as acclaimed is getting a shot.

“Okay, what I’m trying to get at is that it doesn’t matter who I work with,” you explain with a different approach.

“Exactly. She was the star of that video not Bucky,” Natasha backs you up.

“Yes, but the chemistry between you two is unmatched!” Wanda insists. She’s not wrong. The connection and vibes both you and Bucky gave off was so authentic and believable that it made it a hit and for fans to beg for more in the comments.

“I don’t know…” you pipe up unexpectedly. Sex with Bucky was great and if you could you’d do it over and over again with him, but while you too were convinced you had great chemistry with him, you also didn’t want to feel type casted to work with one person your whole career.

The silence from your friends only indicated for you to continue. They were rather astonished because they knew there just had to be more of you and Bucky than you weren’t letting on.

“I mean...I work well with anyone,” you say, trying to make a point. Who were you trying to convince though? Unless you fess up and swallow your pride, you couldn’t take that back and had to just finish that thought process. “I had great reviews on the new video I did with Pietro!”

Well, you weren’t lying there. It was one of your “milestone” videos so to say. The kind that showed off where you were now, what kind of things have you learned now that you’re a “star” and people played into that, seeing the newbie become pro and only get better from then on.

“Yeah, about that…” Natasha speaks up, “...is having sex with him the slightest bit weird for you?”

“What do you mean by that?” You ask, puzzled with her genuine curiosity.

“In a way, it’s like you’re having sex with Wanda,” she clarifies.

“We may be twins, but that’s totally not the same thing!” Wanda interjects.

“We work in porn, there’s nothing weird about anything,” you answer hoping that settles it. The more you worked in this industry, the more comfortable you became with things that may seem strange to most. Wanda and Pietro were both in this line of business and no doubt know about each other's work, but that’s the kind of thing that grows on you in the porn industry.

“It’s totally not the same thing and as I was saying Pietro and I get good views, Steve and I get good views...need I go on?” continuing your spiel that who your co-star is makes no difference at all.

“To an extent, yes, you do,” Natasha compromises, but you know your friends aren’t all the way convinced yet, “...but you’re still not denying it.”

“Whatever happened between you and Bucky?” Wanda asks the million dollar question. You were able to avoid the topic for a few months now, but a part of you knew with their track record, they’d bring it back up, “...I thought things were working out for you two.”

“Yeah, well I thought so too until he started ghosting me,” you reply with a hint of bitterness and annoyance at the unpleasant feeling of how his actions left you resurfacing.

“Hold on! He what?!” Natasha asks. How dare he, right? The guy makes a show of how infatuated he was with you during a shoot of all places and some months later tosses you aside like the others? Natasha was seeing red only because she was protective of you. Had she known, she wouldn’t have given you off like that again to Bucky to boost his profile.

“He just stopped replying to me one day,” you finally reveal. You don’t know where or when it went wrong, but who were you kidding? Could you two really have made a relationship work while working in the porn industry?

“When?” She continues to dig for more, Wanda leaning over intrigued by this admission.

As far as all parties were considered, everything was looking good between you and Bucky. The pair of you did go out on a few dates, recorded some home videos to upload, some private and others exclusive paid content. During all that, you were absolutely happy with your life. Your career took off, you had the best support from your friends and colleagues, and on top of that a sweet and sexy guy by your side. It was becoming believable that you two could make it work...except apparently some feelings weren’t put aside well enough.

“I don’t know…” you sigh and plop down on the end of your bed exhausted of this topic and the thought of Bucky, “...probably around the time he flew out of the country for a shoot and I was filming that sequel with Pietro.”

You were starting to reconsider this whole shoot now. Did he meet someone else on that trip? Someone better than you? Still, he could’ve at least had the decency to let you down. You can tell your friends are absorbing this new information as Wanda gently pats and runs a hand down your arm, noticing the light distress that’s overcome you. You turn your head to look towards Natasha from behind after hearing her make a noise suggesting she has an idea.

“What is it, Nat?” Wanda asks for you.

“Wilson said Barnes has a hard time watching you perform with other guys...” she starts out.

“That’s ridiculous! We do this for a living,” you’re quick to respond, not even entertaining the mere possibility of what she’s presenting to the table.

“He’s jealous!” Wanda blurts out connecting the dots, “...of you and Pietro!” Both of them looked at each other, carrying a proud look on their faces at believing they had it all figured out.

There’s a befuddled look on your face and you’re wondering if that could be it. Bucky always played it so smooth and cool with you, never showed any signs of jealousy before, but if you look back hard enough, you start to make sense of the timeline.

The whole duration of your “fling” with Bucky was when you were doing solo videos and/or girl-on-girl scenes. It was an experimental turn of your career and when he flew off to work on his next big project, you accepted the scene with Pietro.

“So, welcome back! It’s been a year since you’ve been on this couch,” the director states the obvious and to which you smile at, reminiscing that very day.

You were so green and nervous, and in some aspect you still felt that way. The sole purpose of you being asked to come back here was to show off what you’ve learned from being an adult film performer. Newly found confidence was the point of this shoot and not so much of what you could take, but what you could offer.

The only sense of comfort you were given then and now is from the person sitting next to you. Pietro was your first co-star and you were put at ease because you always felt safe with him. He calmed your mind and nerves on day one and taught you to take only what you like from any other guy you’d work with later down the road. You loved being in Pietro’s company and you had loads of fun working with him, but that’s just what it was, work. The relationship with him was strictly professional.

“You look amazing!” The director boasts.

“Thank you,” you respond modestly and put on a show of bashfulness.

“You’ve really made a name for yourself since then haven't you?”

“I guess…” you shrug playfully and continue to downplay. You’re always being told to just take the damn compliment but everything you’ve managed to achieve in a short amount of time was still so surreal to you.

“You’re kidding, right?” Pietro butts in jokingly.

“It’s only been a year!” You argue, shaking your head at him. There’s a smile on your face that you fail to conceal from him because it’s hard to legit be mad around Pietro when you’ve only felt happiness in his presence. He was very dear to you.

“And? A lot can happen in a year!” He counters, poking a hole through your logic and literally your side, causing you to squirm into his arms.

He got you there, alright, and the subtle smirk on his striking face, blue eyes luring you into the deep end, only pushed your buttons.

Okay, if they’re all so adamant that you’re this new Pro…you’d show them.

“You didn’t see that coming, did you?” You jab at Pietro, during the scene, and using one of his most used lines against him, after you successfully overtake him out of nowhere.

With him against the backrest of the couch, your legs straddling his hips, effectively trapping him in place, hands braced on top of his pecs. Well into this scene, he’d let his guard down for a few seconds after some deep and good thrusts of his hips into yours. When his quick pace began to falter, that was just the opening you needed to shine.

“Fuck me,” he pleads breathlessly, his fingers squeezing at the flesh of your hips. You feel his cock twitch up against your wet folds and your body naturally reacting by grounding eagerly on him. A satisfied hum escapes both your mouths almost at the same time as you reach down to guide him back inside your heat.

Being on top used to make you feel self conscious, especially when you were being filmed, but it was a power move you learned to master. Everyone loved a good view of the action, the way your greedy cunt dripped for the lucky cock that would find its way snug inside you and not to mention your ass and how it bounced from each force.

You roll your hips deliciously, loving the way your clit drags against the base of his cock and how the tip scratches along your walls. Pietro’s head rests on the edge of the backrest, you brush away his matted hair from his forehead to look at him. You’re absolutely reeling on the blissed out expression on his face, eyes half-lidded, eyebrows slightly furrowed, sweat building up along his hairline, and his lips parted in want.

Of course, you weren’t super human and your stamina could only take you so far, the scene ends with your back flat on the couch again, one leg propped upright against Pietro’s chest and the other hanging off the edge of the couch.

“Look at you…” Pietro comments, admiring the white streaks of his warm cum strewn across your midsection, up as far as your breasts, while he slowly tugs at his sensitive cock of every drop he has right then for you. The last bit of it that dribbles from the tip and pooling onto your skin causes you to moan inwardly, almost setting you ablaze once more.

“You made me cum so fast!” You comment letting out little fits of giggles and covering your exhausted face, almost embarrassed. Your pussy was still tingling as your orgasm coursed and rocked right through you so suddenly. The fourth wall never existed in this shoot because your amusement is only heightened when the director joins in on the joke pretending that Pietro ruined everything by unintentionally making quick work of it.

You’ve had lots of great sex with others prior to today, but Pietro knew where to aim his cock just at the right spot better than most. At first, it made you feel a bit pathetic that you’d come almost instantly with him, but you made up for it in other aspects.

“No one has ever made me cum that quick,” you mention rather shyly.

He beams at the compliment, plants a few soft kisses on your calf before letting your leg down to carefully hover over you. He gently caresses your cheek, before reminding everyone who he was, “they don’t call me Quicksilver for nothing.”

“You’re such a dork!” You tease, another smile breaking through, then start running your fingers through the thick fluid that stained your hot skin before bringing them up and engulfing them in your mouth sucking on his essence. He lets out a low groan, entranced by your sexual allure, watching your throat contract as you swallow and the way your fingers slip all nice, wet and clean from your lips.

“Oh, you’re a star, alright,” he says when you’ve finished cleaning up his mess and smiling down proud of how much you’ve improved since your first scene. Thriving on the praise, you bring him back in closer by the nape of his neck, your fingers digging into his silver hair on the back of his head, as your lips press to his in a sweet kiss.

“How quick can you make me cum again?” You challenge, locking your legs around him for more.

The skin of his knuckles turned white from the death grip he doesn’t realize he has on the small screen of his phone, having watched your next best film to date. His blood curdled knowing that someone seemed to outperform him.

Fucking Pietro Maximoff, and his talent to get his co-stars off in an instant as if he had a magic touch or something. No, what bothered Bucky the most was how not only flawless you were, but your raw talent. Everything you did looked so effortless on your part, like you were born to be in front of the camera and adored by.

After watching the movie a few times, he couldn’t help but wonder if he’d let his feelings get the best of him and the undeniable connection he had with you on set that day was just you playing it up for the cameras. After all, you’re an actress and your job is to look good with almost anyone you were paired with.

He wasn’t sure why he was watching this more than once. At first, it was to support you but then seeing how comfortable you were with Pietro and how you fawned over him, made Bucky’s skin crawl. He wouldn’t be surprised if there was anything more to you and the Maximoff twin.

“I didn’t peg you as a sadist, but now I’m not so sure,” says Sam ribbing Bucky for torturing himself by watching one of your films...again. Sam knew Bucky got worked up seeing you with another male performer even if he wouldn’t admit it.

Bucky is quick to swipe the video away, but not before fumbling with the device and stuffing it back in his pocket.

“Get out of my face, Sam,” he grumbles in response.

“Is this what you call studying your co-star? I thought you two were more than acquainted with each other,” Sam quizzes him.

“Stop. We filmed one scene together-”

“Bullshit! We’ve all seen those homemade videos on both your profiles. You’re clearly into her, but you’re acting like a-”

“I’m not acting like anything!” Bucky is quick to try and defend himself. He had his own reasons to feel how he felt and he didn’t need Sam telling him what he thinks of it.

“Pussy,” Sam finishes his sentence nonetheless, “you’re acting like a pussy, alright.”

“Exactly how am I acting like a pussy about all this, bird brain?”

“Instead of using your profession as an excuse to sleep with her again, you could be doing it on your own time, but you let your insecurities get the best of you and stop you from having a real connection with someone again.”

“That is not true! Our relationship was strictly professional.”

“Try convincing that to the millions that got off to the videos…” Sam throws and Bucky opens his mouth to argue, but closes it when he can’t find anything to say. You both really outdid it on that video together.

“Whatever. I have a flight to catch,” Bucky says in an attempt to dismiss the conversation.

“In five hours...now, come on, man. What happened between you two?”

“It’s none of your business.”

“No, but you’ve been a real buzzkill lately and I can’t help but think it has something to do with her.”

“There was never a thing with us.”

“Are you kidding? Did you or did you two not have sex on that couch in your living room? Then not tell me about it because you know how much I love that couch! You brought her back to your home because you liked her.”

“We needed extra income,” Bucky disputes the home videos you both agreed to share online.

“What’s the real reason, Buck?”

“You don’t get to call me that.”

“Stop changing the subject. Now, what did she do?” Sam presses Bucky.

“Nothing, alright! It’s me!”

“I’m gonna need you to elaborate on that.”

“I’m head over heels for her.”

“What’s wrong with that? That’s perfectly normal when someone likes another person.”

“I’m not so sure she feels the same way.”

“What gave you that impression?” Sam presses while he knows he’s got Bucky right where he wants with the topic.

“I can’t believe I’m even telling you this. The first time I watched her video with Pietro, I saw... how natural she was in it...like they just looked so good together.”

“Okay, that’s her job...is to act like she’s enjoying it,” Sam explains and for a second it’s like he’s almost walking on eggshells because while he can’t help but want to smack Bucky for being childish about this, he needs to really understand why.

“Yeah, I know how to do our job…” Sam raises his hands in defense, “...it’s the fact that she looked so...good with him that if she looked so convincing in that video then what if...all that was happening in ours was for the cameras. Everything was fine between us for a while, but maybe she just has that factor of making anyone look good with her. What makes me different?”

“So, there’s a few things we got to address here: 1) Of course it was for the cameras. You're both performers. You act. 2) What you two were doing was not acting. 3) Do you not remember that she wanted to work with you?”

“Did you not see how much she was enjoying getting it from Maximoff?”

“She’s really good at her job! She’s not getting recognized for nothing.”

“Well, she had me convinced…”

“I forgot to point out one more thing.”

“What’s that?”

“You’re insecure,” Sam straight up tells him, “...you’ve always been insecure, but when you risked asking her out while the cameras were still rolling, you weren’t. She made you feel something and you liked it. You’re gonna have to talk to her anyways, so you might as well air it all out if you want her back.”

“How successful would that approach be for someone that ghosted the person in question?”

“Really? You ghosted her? Fucking idiot…” Sam says, shaking his head before walking away from his friend.

A/N: Annnnd...that’s it! There’s another piece with more of Bucky, but I’m not thinking about it enough to complete it. But plz, tell me what you thought or felt about this. Can you hype me enough? Bye, again!

#mrwinterr writes #bucky barnes smut #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader #pietro maximoff smut #pietro maximoff x reader #bucky barnes #pietro maximoff #sebastian stan smut #bucky barnes x y/n #pietro maximoff x y/n #pornstar!bucky #pornstar!bucky barnes #pornstar!pietro maximoff #au #bucky barnes au

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fricc-darn · 2 months

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This post is just gonna be me spitballing and yapping fr😭 If any of you guys catch my drift pls lemme know :"D

This isn't supposed to be a doomer post (cuz I don't like doomerism) BUT it may come off that way sooo yeah-

Looking back to when I was like a young kid, I was always so fascinated with the internet and fandom spaces especially! I do think the early 2000s and like early to mid 2010s of the net and online spaces where so whimsical. Esp as a kid from my background and what not. I thought it was cool to see people be authentic and sort of free in a way online? Obviously not to a crazy extent but much more than irl and stuff.

And I would read fandom posts and enjoy all the yummy content. At the time I couldn't really read very well (cuz like yk kids really can't read-) but I KNEW I wanted to be in fandom actively SAUUURRR BAD!! I looked forward to it. Despite the horrors of it all! Despite my ass lacking some social skills online as well (telling tone and vibes is kinda hard over text).

Now I got what I want (hurray :3!). Though sometimes I can't help but wonder if I belived in a fantasy. It feels diffrent than I expected? I wonder if it's because I'm not very active or talkative? Sometimes it still feels a bit lonesome? (IF ANYONE GETS THIS FEELING AS WELL P L E A SE TELL ME😭)

Then I really start to wonder. I'm soon reminded that no I didn't make up a fantasy of what being online would be. This is how it was to some degree! Yes, there menaces still existed, along with bigots (Racism and shit was DEF more...obvious? I don't like saying that either because it still is so easy to find). But when it came to just being chill and talking it was different. I just can't explain it. I feel like now people are a bit more antsy and upset :(. People argue about shit that genuinely doesn't matter. Or they ignore real problems in fandom (racism and bigotry again). Or the refusal to understand others and their exprinces, and genuinely try to relax.

And of course this ties into a greater social issues because none of these things exsist in a vacuum. A lot of negativity, moral superiority, hatred, and hypocrisy is a relection of how things have changed. It's a result of people being calcified by the systems at play. Everyone is struggling and things are actively deteriorating (not to be an alarmist). But look at how everything is fucking monetized or a commodity! Look at all the apps and sites everything is becoming centralized man. What about the people?

Kids don't have 3rd spaces, the myth of the digital native is RAMPANT, they're not being taught useful internet skills, they're not being taught basic literary skills. They don't even know where to get resources to start learning. This doesn't even include it all! So, where do they have to go? Now many of them are in spaces where they shouldn't be and talking about stuff they shouldn't be worried about at all. Stuff that most people shouldn't care about.

Same with older folk some people don't have those skills either. This plus adult responsibilities and ughh. No wonder why people act so nasty online sometimes. It's a sense of trying to have a little control in this life. A sense of venting. Or even an attempt at trying to build a better world (admirable yes but the way some people go about this is so backwards and not helpful).

This capitalist hellscape is ruining every single aspect of our lives. And I know what I'm saying isn't new. Everyone knows this. Everyone sees this. But it makes me wonder do people really care about eachother online? Do people really care about eachother at all? I know the answer is yes and I've seen some amazing things. Though sometimes it doesn't feel real?

How do people claim to care about disabled people and be all left leaning and not wear a mask or take proper covid precautions? Or constantly leave us out of discussions?

How do people claim to claim to support marginalized people and victims but also partake in hate bandwagons or other acts that can put them at risk of being hurt irl?

How do people claim to be pro mental health and still do the other things I mentioned. Or again disregarding the exprince of others and how it can affect them in more ways than one?

Who does benefit? This just isolates us further and it really benefits big corps in the end. Eating each other alive to make their jobs easier.

This whole thing reminds me why I joined tumblr. Like the vibe on here is different. Much better than other apps where you essentially become a brand instead of a person. Tumblr has weird mfs and I fw that hard.

I miss when people were freely weird and cringe. I miss when social media wasn't a fucking panopticon. I miss miss an old internet that we will never get back. And it makes me worry for the future of everything. Give people grace PLEASE😭!

I want people to be as authentic as they can be 😩 and that's why I'm yapping.

#will be spelling errors #1 am pondering #the horror persist but so do I #things will be better but damn this makes a nga think #If you get the vibe lemme know I love talking to people :>> I'm always down to talk #I use tumblr is like a little dairy scrapbook #weeramblesofmine #strive for a better world in an effective manner #importantly be against capitalism and all the nightmares it brings (yt supremacy and allat)#will this be deleted? who knows #i certainly dont #THIS IS SO LONG LMFAOO #be raw 2024

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twothpaste · 1 year

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Hiiii Clark I don’t know if you do or if you’re still taking these but I’d be interested to hear any thoughts or hcs you had about Leder :0

oh man, oh man. being asked about leder by the guy who did The Best (Only?) Written Leder Ever??? half the stuff sloshing around in my brain about this guy was written by you!! i'll bow my head gently and share what i've got, though.

i first played mother 3 a decade ago. to this day, The Leder Scene still gives me chills. i know some players aren't fond of the way the game delivers its big exposition dump, and i can't blame 'em one bit. but for me personally, it's an ethereal moment in time. something about the way the scene is set, the music, the red lighting, how solemn and straightforward it is. the way you first see leder's chained up legs, before climbing upstairs to hear him speak for the first time, and weave the whole story back together. lucas hearing it from a quiet old friend, of all people. the way he pauses every few lines to to ask if lucas understands, and kiddo has to politely nod along like "yep, y'can keep going," as leder painstakingly re-arranges his entire reality. the dawning sense of pity for this humble unsung martyr, and his broken community, and the world at large. agh. there's just nothing quite like it.

my favorite detail, one i latch onto, is that he's surrounded by books. on a literal level, i figure, aw, at least he had somethin' to read, all that time he spent locked up. symbolically, though? they must represent history, yeah? the one and only guy who remembers, imprisoned with volumes of forbidden knowledge. were these his own books? brought from the old world, and secretly stashed away somewhere? were they brought from different eras through porky's phase distorter? i feel like the former's more sentimental, but either works. got a postgame headcanon that leder founds a library in tazmily. books become a precious commodity in the postgame world. not a lot of written word remains from back before everything went to hell. they take whatever they can find and salvage, be it history or science textbooks or novels or picture books. their community'd be wise to cherish, preserve, and share this stuff, instead of locking it away. the idea of a valuable lesson learned. leder naturally being the one to foster a space where history can finally breathe.

i like to think he and lucas could become close friends. kid lucas would've always taken the time to greet leder, and leder would've always answered with a smile. postgame, my lucas develops a fervent interest in history, and stories about his community. i think he'd ache for that context. kid's got a sense of duty, too, not to repeat the same mistakes. leder'd be relieved to finally get everything off his chest. and, seeing the egg as a fatal mis-step, he'd be eager to amend tazmily's greatest mistake. giving future generations the opportunity to learn from their past. besides, leder n' lucas are both mild-mannered folks with a lot on their minds. i imagine the two of 'em could spend hours talking, or listening. maybe share some green tea. lucas goes exploring in the ruins of the world, and brings back tattered volumes for leder's library. they talk about novels they've read, and the good ol' days (with bittersweet retrospect), and hinawa.

on account of his absurd height, leder's probably got some sort of fantastical bone condition that makes it difficult to travel or get around much. on account of his age and world-weariness, maybe he's just fine with that. i imagine he's got a quiet, brittle, crackly voice, and you kinda have to listen extra close to make out every word. some of his neighbors are sheepish to get to know him again. but once their memories start returning, they recall him as a near n' dear pillar of their apocalyptic escapades. they eventually come bearing apologies, somber gratitude, and fond recollections. your premise of leder working as a sort of guidance counselor for recovering amnesiacs is brilliant - and the thought of him bearing that burden alone makes my heart ache. that he'd give himself up for so long, on behalf of everyone else, then go right ahead and selflessly do it all over again?? it's so heavy, but so real. i can definitely picture him falling back into old resolute habits, forgetting he's a deeply wounded person who needs time and care to recover too. maybe his fellow steadfast souls, like lucas' family, duster, my favorite guy bronson perhaps, could eventually lend him some shoulders to lean on.

#ask tag #this got longer than expected but since it's leder we're talkin' about i think that's only fitting

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betweenthescarletmoon · 2 years

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The Hollywood Reporter Roundtable Analysis

It was very intriguing for me how Oscar carefully delved into the question he was given by the host Lacey in 38:45, but in a slight surface-level way. Some information he's given in other times filled up a lot of the blanks he left behind in his answer.

First let's go over what they said.

Lacey: Your co-star from Scenes From a Marriage, Jessica Chastain, talked about [how] she had to go to a place that was so dark, and she's not sure she can sort of ever go to these places as an actress again. And I'm curious if you've felt any of that and how your individual, personal sort of boundaries shift with time, with experience, with success.

Oscar: You know, before I'd be like: "what limb do I have to take—cut off to make this scene three percent better?" But I think that it's about inspiration. [...] The whole reason process exists is to inspire, right? And sometimes you don't need a wild process to be inspired by something. Sometimes the words themselves will do it, um, sometimes the character is enough. Sometimes the situation is so harrowing that that's enough to inspire a whole history of a character. And sometimes you gotta: "what did he eat for breakfast? why did he do this?" In order to try, y'know, to inspire some imagination and some sense of truth, right, or some sense of—some emotional, interesting thing.

Oscar [continued]: But boundaries, I think, are becoming more important to me now. And then you have kids. Time is the most valuable commodity. And I think with Scenes From a Marriage, the scenes themselves—that [was what was] so harrowing, not so much the character. But also it mirrored a lot of things in my own life. [...] I'd be reading a bed time story to the young actress that's a five-year-old with a little bunny lamp, and then go home, arrive just in time to sit in the bed with the same exact bunny lamp, somehow, and read a story to my five-year-old— You know, it just starts to fuck with your head, because we're just a human being, so that's a weird situation! [...]

Oscar [yeah he makes up for not talking for almost the entire hour with this question]: After a while, I think it was just all the nature of it, you know? It was right in the height of the pandemic. It was in this factory in the Bronx that had been turned into a studio. It was only like sixty people. And these were very long—almost every shot was like a thirty-minute take. It felt like a weird hybrid between theatre and TV and film. And with someone that I've known for twenty years as well—so all those things created a very uncanny situation, that I think, going back, I probably would have been a little more mindful about. Like, y'know, a little clearer boundaries— And the truth is, even if it wouldn't have been quite as real or good (you know?), I'm okay with—I'm getting better with that idea that—I don't have to cut off a limb just to make it slightly better. It's okay. It's okay.

First off, i just wanna gush over his speech patterns bc I am that all over the place when I try to communicate my thoughts (i actually skipped a lot of his endearing stutters, pet phrases, and filler things he said to grasp at his next message). It's so relatable especially in a group full of people (not to mention legendary actors), because even a guy who looks as confident as him can still sound like he's making a discovery as he speaks and takes you along.

Now on to my analysis of what he said because at first I didn't completely get what he meant!

I have a feeling he's very perfectionistic, and from how he speaks about work in other articles as well as here, he also seems a workaholic. I believe in here he's trying to say that there should be different levels of immersion and hard work to connect with or explore the character instead of always bringing his all and beyond to the job.

Also, scenes from a marriage was as traumatic an experience to film as it was for us to watch (his words after 1:56 on this vid), and Jessica admitted to crying every day for four months during filming. It was a very intimate and emotionally intense series to film especially with such a close friend from Juilliard. So i believe both Oscar and Jessica gave everything they had to make this already overwhelming series feel as real and painful as possible. And since it's a hard setting to feel far removed from (both are married, have kids, have a sex life, could be facing divorce in the future bc of its high rates), it must have hit them even harder. I believe it's not truly an experience to watch sfam without you screaming at, insulting, or feeling immensely sorrowful for the characters because THAT is the reaction they fought hard to get from you. That pain, that anxiety, that tension, that rage, that pity, every emotion you felt that you could barely cope with? All crafted thanks to their extremely immersive and talented performance coupled with their flawless chemistry. But if it feels real to us, through a screen…for them it must've felt even more so. Unbearably more so.

So i believe these experiences, as well as having a family to take care of, and other priorities like time and mental health, have recently made it more important for him to strike a balance in his life. To stop obsessing over creating the perfect role or immersion, or to use these roles to cope with and process real life struggles (as he's admitted to do). I think it's important for him to now connect with real life more, like being a father and a husband, as well as just a human being. Not just an actor or a character.

≿━━━━༺❀༻━━━━≾

Important Excerpts from Articles about escapism and coping through acting (in case you don't feel like reading the last references):

New York Times: After His Mother’s Death, Oscar Isaac Turns to Shakespeare for Solace

“I didn’t know how to process any of this, but this [performing as Hamlet] I knew how to do.”

But [Hamlet is] also a tragedy that asks Mr. Isaac to relive the anguished death of a parent at every performance. In Sam Gold’s rowdy, deconstructionist staging, every time Mr. Isaac mud-wrestles, or lofts a prop skull or performs a mad scene in just a T-shirt and briefs, he seems to be working through his own loss, transforming raw private grief into riveting public performance.

As Mr. Isaac explained, performing has always helped him come to terms with his emotions. “This is how I’m able to function,” he said. “The only way that I’m really able to process stuff is through reflecting it.”

Esquire: The Dream of Oscar Isaac

To be in conversation with Oscar Isaac, who is forty-three, is to talk with someone who has thought deeply about the course of his life—not out of narcissism or vanity but by necessity, a desperate desire to find what feels like solid ground. For him. For his family. For us, whom his art reaches. He has worked to wrest meaning out of his confusions and fears. His effort is ongoing, and his audiences have the privilege of following him in his relentless and shattering performances, in search of the firm footing he lost every time another of his dreams was interrupted.

If superheroes have their capes and their flamethrowers to help them survive, we ordinary humans have our imagination. It has been our shelter for millennia, a way to express and to understand what feels incomprehensible. When it all gets too heavy, sometimes the fragile rope tethering us to solid ground snaps clean, and there is often no refuge sturdy enough to put us back together except in the intimate, private shelter of our minds.

NPR: For Oscar Isaac, life — and acting — is all about impermanence

“It [acting] is a funnel, and it's always been where I go to understand things about life and things that are happening to me. But it's one thing to grieve as a character and one thing to grieve as an actual person. And I think that there's still quite a lot of unresolved stuff there.”

I hope you enjoyed this post! I had to organize all my thoughts in one place because it's so fascinating and complex

#oscar isaac #oscar isaac hernandez estrada #the hollywood reporter #actors roundtable #the dream of oscar isaac #new york times #esquire #maaza mengiste #scenes from a marriage analysis #scenes from a marriage 2021 #scenes from a marriage #sfam #long post.#perfectionism #workaholism #oscar isaac roles #oscar isaac analysis #oscar isaac meta #long post

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russilton · 1 year

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Hi, I hope this isn't weird, but as I see this kind of discourse from one of my favourite author I just wanted to check in if that's a kind of thing you're dealing with too. Without any judgement to anyone. Is it really that important to you guys that we leave comments? Aren't kudos enough? And do you agree that writers have to answer to comments?

It’s alright anon I figured I might get a message like this and I do appreciate having the chance to share my piece because I utterly agree with Susi on every part.

Something that’s worth understanding is I do not have a single artist or writer friend who doesn’t face this issue. Every single one one them, without fail, puts their heart on the line to create and share fan work, and all of them, myself included, struggle with a lack of response. Every gif maker, writer, artist, edit crafter, web weaver, all of them live for the positive comments we receive, the praise. I don’t know a creative without a praise kink, frankly.

This has been true for every fandom I’ve been in since I started posting art online in 2011, and fic in 2017, but it is ESPECIALLY present in F1 RPF because the space is so small, and usually people are so used to clinging to anonymity that the space feels even smaller.

Long discussion under the cut, because I wanted to try and honestly explain the mental process behind why authors and artists ask for a comment.

Speaking from my own experience now (that I’d still put money on being a similar experience for others), posting work of any kind online is a bargain. Yes you do it for yourself in part, but if it was just for myself I wouldn’t post it. When you post, you make the mental deal of “am I willing to accept potential hate or disinterest in this, for the chance to receive love and praise on it”. If you’ve been here a while you’ve seen the anons I’ve received at times; transphobic, homophobic, or just plain hateful. Some were too hateful to even post. I have had an Instagram page make a collage of my art just to laugh at it. But I keep posting, because for me, the joy and community I receive from comments and tags on my work make it worth that bargain. There’s some work that isn’t worth the potential backlash to post. That’s why any of the nsfw art I draw never leaves my close mutuals. I’m not willing to share it online when the result of it would pale against the risk.

Creative work is a deeply personal and heart baring process. It cannot be done easily some days. Yes it’s fun and funny and entertaining at times, but most times when I’m writing, I end up stood utterly alone in my own mind with myself. I cant write if I’m too depressed, because that experience of being alone with myself is too painful. Even on a good day it can be hard. So when I choose to go to that place, remain alone to pour my mind into something I write or draw, it is an exhausting labour of love. It takes hours, I’m not a fast worker, some people are faster than me, some are even slower. I’m alone for all of it.

And so when you put that all together. The work, the creative process, the editing, the cleaning, the preparing for posting, the process of tagging and sorting work so it’ll be seen, then self promoting… the least we can ask for in return is a comment?

You have to understand, kudos or likes are great, but it’s a hand sticking out of the void and giving you a thumbs up. It’s silent, faceless, impression-less. Imagine sending your family a deeply personal message and the response you get is just “👍”. Yeah it’s technically a response, but it’s disproportionate to the Labour afforded beforehand. People posting online are seeking a human connection, that little snap of closeness all human beings through history have craved. A kudos doesn’t really satisfy that craving. I would rather get 20 kudos on fic, but every single one has a comment, than 1000 silent ones. It’s just a number, it takes half a second to press that button and move on. It makes you feel like a cheap commodity that’s consumed and spat out, and that doesn’t even speak for the shame of a thousand eyes looking at your work and saying nothing at all.

When you comment or leave a tag, it shows me you took a second to absorb what I’ve showed you. It slowed you down, made you pause or take a breath, it DID something to you, just like it did something to me to make it. That’s a connection, that snap of a bond. Myself and that commenter now share something, and usually it’s a simple act of gratitude that you see all the work I’ve done to give you something, even if the comment is just “I really liked this!thank you for writing it”. It’s a paltry amount of work compared to what happened to get us there. But I feel less alone for just a little while, just like that fic did for you.

I understand that is still hard to do on occasion. You may be tired, you may feel over exposed or sick, but again you have to remember how hard that creative worked to give you something. On tumblr at least you can still reblog without a comment and increase the chance of someone else doing so. Ao3 doesn’t have that. Even when people filter by kudos they still have to be looking to read something with those tags. It doesn’t do much for the author who is sat faced with numbers. Their work made you feel, think, or just escape your own mind, by commenting, you are giving them the chance to have a moment of the same.

I have a screenshot folder full of comments that have made my day. It’s packed with the words that kept me going, when I doubted I could write at all, when I wondered if my art was good enough. They make a meaningful impact on my life the way I hope my work does for others.

And then you have to understand how… ungrateful it seems, to have people go “well you don’t reply fast enough, so I’m not going to comment.” I understand we all want that connection again, of a reply, and that’s why most authors TRY to do so!

But that author or artist has spent hours creating something for you, they have emotionally laboured and worked and bared themselves, asked you just to say something as your payment, and then you have asked to be paid for that honour? That’s like going into a store, paying for something, and then going “because you didn’t give me an extra gift for paying rather than stealing, I shall simply steal it in future”. That’s kind of insane right? Especially when the work you receive was hand made with love by the person sat in front of you.

I don’t know a single creative person on f1blr I haven’t seen go “I don’t know if posting this is worth it”. And that should worry people. If you come online and devour content without return, you are going to see people stop posting and walk away. I’ve seen it happen over and over and over. This isn’t the hungry hungry caterpillar, you aren’t 5, you don’t get to have your cake and eat it too if you don’t pay the baker who made it. In this case nobody in fandom has the incentive of making a living to continue. I can’t buy things for myself with comments. We don’t get paid. Instead they’re just going to stop sharing and return to only giving cake to people who respond. I’ve got art and fic I wrote only for my friends, because I wanted a reaction and giving it to them was a sure fire way to get it, because I trusted them.

If it becomes more effort to post than it does the return, I simply just won’t. I owe nothing to a faceless void, and so said void should try being less faceless. That’s all people are asking for.

#asks #anonymous #Mark’s fic tag #mark’s art tag #wank/rants #wow long post #reblogs fine #cause some people need to learn

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dinoburger · 2 years

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WAIT YEAH SPEAKING OF FUCKED UP BODY HORROR - I watched Crimes of the Future at the recomendation of Nyx Fears

the way she described it I was really imagining it being like, a smutty gore fest, while it was definitely horny and definitely gory it was also surprisingly poignant

so, to quickly touch on the premise: humans no longer feel pain or get infected, a few of them are also growing these new organs that they have to keep removing - the government also keeps tabs on all the organs people are growing and trying to make sure they have them removed I believe?

so people are doing surgery on each other, and it's like an erotic thing, but also they do it as performance art

I'm sure there's been other writings on this but I also wanted to get my thoughts out.

So it's about human life as a commodity, but not only that, about how society informs art and art informs society. How art can be deeply exploitative or totally revolutionary, how it spreads ideas.

Not just ideas even, but on a visceral level, how art can redefine our sexuality and what we find attractive. How it shapes who we are.

I think there's undercurrents of how consumerism is detrimental to self-healing - that trying to put out every piece of yourself and being pressured to do so can prevent you from understanding yourself.

Also about government control and bodily autonomy.

Spoilers ahead:

So, at first I sort of just wanted to dump all of my thoughts about it outright and refine them later, but I read enough to know that this movie was also a reflection of the director's life so, I didn't want to impose anything too left of field onto it

BUT, I believe he did say part of it was informed by how disabling it is when you get older, so I don't think my initial read of it was too far off.

PARTICULARLY, particularly, Brecken's unfortunate demise definitely parallels real life acts perpetrated by parents of disabled children not understanding them.

Brecken's symptoms were severe and early, but because Saul's were much later in life his suffering is seen as "artistic", because he is willing to be exploited both by the government and the consumerist audience. These acts are received with high praise, admiration and sexual infatuation.

But we see that every moment Saul is not creating, he is in pain and discomfort. He needs these machines to help him live a "normal human life" and fulfill societal expectations. He is praised heavily for these things that are out of his control, the art is not just the act of surgery but the act of letting himself be consumed over and over.

Brecken's father Lang is interesting because we believe he is the antagonist, what he's doing with trying to get his son's body displayed seems exploitative to the highest degree.

And it is, but, from an allegorical perspective what he really wanted was for his son's story to be known.

Brecken's death was politicized, his narrative forcefully rewritten - literally his organs replaced - and his father confused and devastated at the outcome.

Lang wanted the world to understand his movement, but also understand his son.

Brecken reminds me so much of how the deaths of vulnerable people are used, often by either side, as a statement. Often their narratives rewritten to fit a certain political purpose. None of them have a say in what they are or what happens to them.

Still, this is what radicalizes Saul. He starts listening to his body and doing what it is telling him to, not what society expects of him. He allows himself private intimacy, not public spectacle.

#many thoughts many many thoughts

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mysteryshoptls · 3 years

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SR Malleus Draconia Silk Adorned Personal Story: Part 1

"It is truly a pleasant experience"

Part 1 (Part 2)

[Scalding Sands – Camel Bazaar]

Malleus: As time passes, the heat has started to subside. The breeze is also pleasant.

Malleus: Now, which store are we heading to next, Viper?

Malleus: …? Viper isn’t here. As well as Clover, Diamond and the rest…

Malleus: I wonder where everyone went.

Malleus: As someone who is not familiar with this area, even if I were to go searching around recklessly, it is unlikely that I will find them. Whatever shall I do.

Kalim: Huh? It’s Malleus! Heey!

Malleus: Oya, if it isn’t Asim.

Malleus: Were you not busy going around greeting everyone as the organizer of the fireworks festival?

Kalim: If it’s about that, I’ve finished it up completely!

Kalim: I wanted to hang out with everyone, so I rushed over but… Where’s Jamil and the others?

Malleus: The thing is, they disappeared in the middle of sightseeing.

Kalim: Wow, even Malleus gets lost.

Malleus: That’s not true, Asim. It’s not as if I’ve gotten lost.

Malleus: There were just many things happening that the others lost sight of me. This sort of thing has always happened in the past.

Kalim: Uh-huh. But since it’s Jamil, I’m sure he’ll be able to quickly find you so it’ll be fine.

Kalim: It won’t do us any good trying to rush to contact them, let’s just enjoy shopping the two of us until we can meet up with them.

Malleus: Alright, I don’t mind.

Street Vendor: Hey, you there young man! You’re a tourist. Come take a look at my products for a second.

Malleus: Oh, this is a bracelet resembling a cobra.

Street Vendor: In the Scalding Sands, snakes are seen as an appreciated animal. Within them, cobras are especially respected.

Kalim: Yeah yeah! They say it’s based on the cobra staff that the Sorcerer of the Sands held.

Malleus: I see. Then to be granted the goodwill of the Sorcerer of the Sands, allow me to purchase one.

Street Vendor: Thanks for your patronage!

Sundries Vendor: Hey, young man over there! How would you like a silk place mat?

Sundries Vendor: It’s shaped like a parrot, isn’t it interesting?

Malleus: Well. Since it was expressly recommended, I suppose I’ll take it.

Kalim: Hey wait. Malleus, are you going to buy everything they call out to your for?

Malleus: Yes. It's rare for me to have cityfolk call out to me in such a familiar manner, it is truly a pleasant experience.

Kalim: I see! Then, let’s buy and buy a bunch! Even if there’s too many things, I’ll call a car, so it’ll be fine!

Crafts Vendor: … Hey, did you hear that? That young man, looks like he’ll buy anything.

Interior Vendor: Yeah, this is a golden opportunity to earn a lot.

Crafts Vendor: Young man! How about our sand art? You can even put your name into it!

Interior Vendor: This glass pen, it’s a fireworks festival limited edition. If you don’t buy it now, you won’t ever be able to get your hands on one again!

Commodities Vendor: How about a soap bar made of camel milk? The sun is strong, so it’s important to take care of your skin!

Children’s Things Vendor: This is a post card made of dried flowers. It’s perfect to remind you of this travel!

Kalim: Uwa! Sellers from a whole bunch of stores all started to gather!?

Malleus: If they all come at once, it’s problematic. I cannot talk with any of them.

Kalim: Hmm, that’s true. Let’s break away from here for now.

Kalim: Everyone, sorry! I’ll buy a lot next time!

Malleus: …

Kalim: Even though you specially wanted to enjoy shopping, I’m sorry Malleus.

Malleus: It’s nothing for you to be concerned about, Asim.

Malleus: Besides, I was able to really get the feel of the energy of this city.

Malleus: It’s a lively city. I cannot believe this once was an uninhabitable desert region.

Malleus: This is the result of many years spent promoting trade by sea and land, as well as cultivating residential areas and agricultural lands.

Malleus: I seriously believed that humans were only a fleeting presence, however…

Malleus: They can inherit cultures that span multiple generations, and develop civilizations. They really are interesting.

Kalim: What you’re saying is a bit difficult for me to understand but… you’re saying that it’s a great city, right? I’m glad!

Kalim: Not to be outdone by my grandfather and my great-grandfather, I’m also going to invigorate Silk City!

Kalim: Is there a shop you want to see? If there’s a place you want to go, let me know.

Malleus: Let’s see. Then I suppose I…

Part 1 (Part 2)

#twisted wonderland #twst #malleus draconia #kalim al-asim #twst malleus #twst kalim #twst translation #twst al'eab nariya #mention: jamil #mention: trey #mention: cater

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jodysaywer · 3 years

Text

Don’t know how to start this but like I’m kind of tired of staying silent on the Shadow and Bone racism.

I don’t think I would have been as mad had this series not be treated as the pinnacle of representation. While I understand you can’t get it perfect ever, there are lots of parts that I hope we don’t make the same mistakes next time.

I think that the biggest problem about it is that it only caters to ‘diversity’ for white people — it has this sort of version of a commodity activism where white people can see it and be like ‘but the characters are diverse!’ The racism is really obvious so they can say, ‘You shouldn’t call poc slurs!’ And give themselves a pat on the back for supporting the characters and ‘not being racist.’

Just for the record, in the books there are also lots of stereotypes against all the pocs especially Jesper that makes me uncomfortable but I’m not sure if it’s my place to say (but like if anyone wants to go ahead). Here I’m going to talk specifically about the East Asian ones.

SPOILERS AHEAD

First of all the problem in the show is that it’s directed specifically towards East Asians. There were so many wonderful pocs there but Alina was true only one constantly getting attacked. And I’m definitely not saying other pocs should get attack too, I’m saying the opposite. Gonna say this out of experience, racism for me hurts more when it’s coming from another poc bc it’s because I don’t anticipate it like I do with white people so having woc like Zoya being racist to Alina was not only useless to the plot but also extremely damaging.

Alina is also manipulated constantly by a white guy (and shipped with him). Her ability is what makes her stand out against others and she basically went straight to be his favorite to be paraded around. You can see others who have worked hard like Zoya get angry and jealous (rightfully so) this creating a divide between Alina and others. It really made me feel like being the Model Minority where we are the weapon white supremacy use against other minorities to say that they’re not racist but in reality we’re just their pawns. We are constantly paraded by white supremacy to other minorities as an ‘good example’ and white supremacy has constantly belittled the hard work of other pocs blaming everything on them being ‘lazy’ instead of admitting the glaring institutional blocks they put that prevents other pocs to thrive. The addition of the power imbalance of Alina and the Darkling as a ship (and a heavily romanticized ship) is so damaging as an Asian woc who is historically and constantly fetishized by white men too, especially with the Darkling being someone who is cruel and and oppressive to others. It’s not your enemies to lovers trope as I’ve seen people pass it off as.

There are no other East Asians in the background though they’re are a lot of other pocs so intentionally Alina is the only one (She is half Shu so imagine the ramifications of the didn’t have Ravka blood at all and had more prominent East Asian features). This pattern of being the only one there is a constant reminder of feeling like a foreigner and that I don’t belong.

Unfortunately this parallels to the books. In the Shadow and Bones series itself where Alina is white, the two East Asians (who are also half white) are Tamar And Tolya who are basically Alina’s bodyguards. Although they are physically there in the series most of the times you don’t see a lot of their personality expect for one being an LGBT token and the other one reciting poems that no one wants to hear. Alina also casts them aside for whiter characters and is sort of uncomfortable with them? (Also no one in the fandom like talks abt them which kinda hurts but yeah….it’s the same as the books)

This feeling of having Asian characters making others uncomfortable also goes to Six of Crows with Kuwei who is Shu and basically just a money bargain for the Crows. Everyone just assumes he couldn’t speak their language (he can and thats the plot twist) because of where he’s from and they sort of ignore him except for Wylan who is rude to him just because they like the same person. Then Wylan spends almost of all book two borderline yellowfacing (while I understand how uncomfortable it must have felt to have to exist and carry around in a face that’s not yours, the fact that this was a white boy constantly being angry of having an Asian face probably wasnt the best choice). Also Kuwei himself is a little weird too and comes off as uncomfortable to Jesper like the way her pushes himself to Jesper and kisses him without his consent. I’m not excusing Kuwei’s actions at all and I think that what he did was wrong but having him as the only rep there for me doing that made me feel rather icky about myself in a way where I’m like, ‘is this how im perceived to others?’ Kuwei made me feel a bit like a burden and a bit of a creep. (I see some people be like, oh he’s sassy! He’s got like 5 lines! He’s honestly just constantly transported in different places to hide in the book like he’s some repressed cargo, that action itself speaks so loudly about being constantly silenced)

The Shu itself in the books are also like? They do experiments on Grishas which basically feels like the stereotypical sci-fi, dystopian, or whatever genre that squally go ‘Asia experiments on people because they have no humanity’ and etc. (Kuwei’s dad being the scientist who found the drug that basically hurst grishas also isn’t great lol)

Also in the books most pocs chacters have light eyes which is like a small thing but it kind of annoys me in the way we’re so focused on western standards of beauty.

——

The thing is, I’m not saying this out of hate. Leigh is one of my favorite authors and I absolutely love her but I feel like the fandom puts these series on a much bigger pedestal for seemingly being diverse and while it is character race wise, the stereotypes imbedded in these are important too. It really hurts when your favorite books see you as weird and foreign and casts you aside. It hurts when most of the characters that are supposed to look like me makes me feel most uncomfortable. So please keep that in mind.

#also having the fandom reaction for hating Kuwei for feeling he’s ‘stealing’ Jesper from Wylan is also terrible #Jesper isn’t an item to posses AND he is especially not that white boys property #and like people can like the same people? a lot of people in the fandom hates Kuwei just because of this #oc I’m not justifying the Jesper/Kuwei kids that was wrong #but if your reason for hating Kuwei is ‘stealing Jesper’ pls get out #grishaverse #shadow and bone #shadow and bone netflix #six of crows #alina starkov #leigh bardugo #zoya nazyanelsky #tamar kir bataar #tolya yul bataar #shadow and bone racism

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xkaileo · 3 years

Note

For the one shot request:

Sasuke coming back from his first redemption journey a couple of years after the war. He meets naruto at ichiraku, then Sakura happens to walk by. Naruto insists she join and she’s so happy sasuke is back, but keeps the interaction “friendly” not “young girl talking to her crush”. Quickly after she gets a scroll from a bird and has to go. Naruto then explains that Sakura is in really high demand and basically brags about all of her accomplishments and everything she does for the village as a medic but also as a jounin. Sasuke is proud and happy for her but it’s not until later when he sees her sparring someone really good (Tsunade, Kakashi, Yamato, anyone from Anbu) that he is s t u n n e d. Like jaw to the floor. He can’t resist watching and maybe activates his sharingan by accident. It is not until like 10 minutes have gone by that he notices her ANBU tattoo for the first time.

So of course canon-divergent. I know it’s super clunky the way I laid it out (can you tell I’m no author?) lol anyways I thought it would be really nice to get a look inside Sasuke’s head the first time he’s gotten the metaphorical wind knocked out of him by Sakura haha.

Ask and you shall receive, nonny! This one was fun to write, having Sasuke sort of be stunned by her and feel just the need to do something about it; it was fun to put him in a position where he had to push a little to get something out of Sakura. Enjoy!

She's A Hot Commodity

It was amazing how much the Hidden Leaf Village could change over two years. More than Sasuke had expected, honestly; he'd thought the village was done with its constant renovations after multiple attempts for it to be destroyed. Well, they'd nearly come close one time, though he'd stepped in to assist. Meteors falling off the moon… who would have thought?

His first stop was Ichiraku, as he'd made one promise: he was going to treat Naruto to a bowl of ramen when he got back. His blonde friend was already there, waving wildly as he approached.

"Sasuke! You're back!" Naruto gave him a hug in greeting, to which Sasuke begrudgingly allowed. He wasn't one for physical affection, but one hug from his best friend wouldn't be the end of the world. Plus, he'd never hear the end of it if he didn't. Naruto would spend their entire lunch pouting and whining about it if he was turned down.

As they were seated, both boys heard a familiar voice behind them, and it was… None other than Sakura. Sasuke couldn't help but stare, just for a moment. It'd been a long time. She'd grown out her hair and seemed to be wearing it up in a ponytail. When had it got so long? Now that he thought about it… It'd been a little longer when he left, but now it had to be almost to her waist. He hadn't seen it that long since they were kids. He… liked it, if he was honest.

"Sakura." He nodded in greeting, the corner of his lips twitching into a smile. He was glad to see her. Maybe now he'd be able to take things… a little further, to put it simply. He'd left her with nothing more than a promise, and this was the start of it. He was here. He'd returned. Whether he would stay for an extended period was another question, but he did plan to offer for her to accompany him this time. He just had… a few errands to take care of before he left again.

"Sasuke! It's been so long!" Sakura came up between them and threw her arms over his and Naruto's shoulders, giggling as she was hanging out between them. "Would you look at that? My two favourite dorks are having lunch together. You know, Sasuke, if he's got you here against your will, all you have to do is ask." Well… Ramen usually would have been against his will, but this time, it wasn't. He was surprised when she leaned closer to his ear, her voice no more than a whisper.

"There's a new place that opened that serves rice balls if you need an escape." She clapped him on the back before turning to Naruto, who'd caught her attention.

"Sakura, join us!" He encouraged, and her expression went thoughtful for a moment before she agreed. Naruto shifted down one seat, allowing Sakura to sit between them. Sasuke didn't want to admit he was glad Naruto had shifted down; he wanted to sit next to Sakura, but he wasn't sure if she would have done that of her own accord. He couldn't blame her; it'd been a long time since they'd spoken, and there was… a lot they needed to talk about. She seemed… different. Not unfriendly, but there was something different about the way she was talking to him. No more blushing or bashful looks in his direction. He'd expected that much from her, but… was it possible something had happened?

Maybe… maybe she'd moved on. He didn't want to think that, but it seemed to be a possibility. Nevertheless, if that were Sakura's decision, that would have to be how things were. Friends were better than absolutely nothing.

Just as she was about to order, the sound of a messenger hawk could be heard, interrupting their conversation. Naruto and Sakura had been chatting animatedly, Naruto having made some dumb comment that Sakura was reaming him for while Sasuke chuckled at their antics. At least some things never change. He's still opening his mouth when he should be shutting it, and she's putting him in his place… as usual.

"Oh… I'm sorry, guys." Sakura's expression turned to a frown. "This is for me, and it's urgent. I have to get going. Sorry again. Let's pick another day to get ramen together as a team, though, okay? And… it's good to see you back, Sasuke." She gave him a smile that lit up her whole face, and it made his heart skip a beat. She was different, sure, but it was… nice. It made him feel a bit giddy.

"Yeah… Shoulda seen that one coming," Naruto admitted.

"Does that happen a lot?" Sasuke was genuinely curious. He knew Sakura was a hard worker, but she always knew how to make time for her friends. It seemed out of the ordinary for her to disappear so suddenly. If it was the hospital, wasn't Tsunade there to help out?

"Yeah, it kinda does. Sakura's kind of a big deal around the village now. It makes me a little jealous." Naruto, jealous? Sasuke wondered just how important she was, but as always, Naruto had the explanation. "She's done so much stuff! She opened a clinic for all the kids in the village that lost parents during the war, and she's been working with Ino and some professionals to get them the help they need. Just so they don't feel alone, ya know? You and I both know no one deserves to feel like that." After all, they were the very same kinds of kids that that clinic was helping. Sasuke was shocked and also touched. Had Sakura done all that in two years?

"Oh yeah! And she works super hard at the hospital. She's one of the only medical ninja in the village who's allowed to take missions alone, and that's a huge deal! She's been going to all kinds of places on missions, mostly deliveries or to provide medical help, but I swear she's always gone on a mission! She keeps asking me to water her plants like… every week." Naruto didn't mind her asking that, though. He liked taking care of them. Gardening was oddly calming.

"Wow," Sasuke remarked. It was not what he would have expected out of Sakura… not precisely, that is. He knew she was brilliant, but looking back to how they were as kids… no, when they'd first been put on a team, he never would have expected that much out of her. "Has she been doing anything else?"

"Oh yeah! She mentioned somethin' about taking on a team of genin, too. I think she'd make a great teacher, don'tcha think?" Naruto elbowed Sasuke gently, earning a grunt out of him and a nod in response. Sakura would make a stellar teacher. If she took on a trio of genin as their Jounin sensei, then they would undoubtedly be a force to be reckoned with.

He was… proud of her, honestly. To think she’d come so far from her capabilities when they were kids… she was so incredibly talented, it even made him a little jealous. He’d been a prodigy, but to see her hard work coming to fruition was exceptional. She was amazing. More impressive than he was expecting.

------------------------------------

It’d been days since he’d last seen Sakura, and after only briefly meeting her, he decided the best way to pass the time until she returned was training. He liked training; it kept him in shape, allowed him to practice living life with just one arm, and helped him clear his mind when it got too tumultuous to handle. Making his way to the training grounds, he was stopped by a flicker of familiar chakra that crossed the vision of his left eye.

Sakura? She was… Training? He shouldn’t have been surprised, but he was. That, and he found himself deeply intrigued. Like a curious cat, he made his way to the edge of the trees, remaining at a safe distance where he could watch. It looked like she was training with Kakashi, whom he would have considered a force to be reckoned with. He was a former ANBU, after all.

Wait… no. It wasn’t just Kakashi there. Yamato was there, too, and… wait, was Sakura taking them both on at the same time? His curiosity was piqued enough that he activated his Sharingan, using it to track her movements; in high-speed fights like these, it was a necessity. He would've never been able to keep up with Sakura's motions otherwise.

He watched her, amazed beyond belief. Every movement she made was fluid, each motion flowing into the next like an unbreakable chain. There was no hesitation or consideration; she moved without thinking, her body reacting with an impeccable natural flow. He’d never seen such fluid movements before, not even back during the war. What had she done since he’d been gone? He knew she was a Jounin now, but this… no, she had to be more than that. She was well above the level of a Jounin. It was almost an insult to put her that low.

He stared for longer than he’d expected, watching as she evaded both Yamato and Kakashi’s tactics, dancing around them like they were nothing. He watched as her long, pink hair flowed with every movement, even the occasional piece sticking to the sweat that formed on her brow. Even as she turned, he could see the concentration in her gaze, focusing on every motion. There was strength and power in the way she moved. There was one thing that bothered him, though, one thing he couldn't shake.

When had Sakura become so beautiful? He remembered her being cute when they were kids, though he hadn't been in the right state of mind to say anything about it. He'd also noticed she was prettier as they got older, but he'd never been able to take the time to appreciate it. Now, staring at her, he realized how attractive she was. He was taken aback by what he was seeing. It made his cheeks flush, made his heart race, and also made his heart wrench. Maybe… maybe he'd have to say something to her: something direct, this time.

It wasn’t until Sakura stopped, calling a halt to her training with Yamato and Kakashi to take a breather, that he noticed something else. He knew that symbol. Other Jounin he knew and had met bore it too. This wasn’t friendly training between three Jounin. It was so much more than that. But it made Sasuke wonder…

When did Sakura decide to join the ANBU? That was undoubtedly one of the last things he'd expected of her. As he stared at her training, he hadn't realized her gaze had turned in his direction; once he did, he ducked behind one of the trees, heart beating rapidly. Had she seen him? Had she caught him staring so openly at her? He hoped not. The last thing he wanted was to seem weird or creepy. One thing he did know was that Sakura's temper was terrifying, and he would have preferred not to be on her bad side.

"You're not doing a very good job of hiding, Sasuke." He looked up to see her above him on one of the branches, a smile teasing her lips. He startled at the sound of her voice, grumbling under his breath and turning away as the faintest shade of pink dusted his cheeks. Damn. She really was good. She'd caught even him off-guard.

"I wasn't hiding," he lied. Oh, he knew he was hiding, all right. He simply refused to admit it. "I thought this training ground was empty. I was mistaken." He heard her feet land in front of him, which urged him to keep his face hidden from her; he didn't want her to see just how much his cheeks had coloured at her appearance. It was all he could do not to look back and stare, admiring every inch of her toned figure.

"You're also not very good at lying," she teased further, taking a step toward him. "What's got you all flustered?" Damn. She hadn't missed it.

"It's hot outside." Technically not a lie; it was a scorching summer day, and he was wearing a heavy cloak. "I'm just flushed from the heat." Definitely a lie. His cloak was designed to keep heat in and keep cooler air closer to his body, like a cat's fur coat. It kept him comfortably thermoregulated.

"Liar," she accused.

"Tch." He wasn't going to dignify that with a response. She giggled in response to his gruff comment, leaving him to straighten as if he were on his way. She… was in his way, though, which meant he had to brush past her to leave. As his eye opened, he realized she was closer than before. He could smell her from where he stood. Her skin glistened with the faintest layer of sweat from her training, hair sticking to her cheeks and forehead. It didn't bother him; he was used to much worse sights.

Nevertheless, her skin was glowing from the exercise, and the way her green eyes sparkled made her look prettier. So pretty, he could feel his heart racing. He couldn't bring himself to move. If he so much as touched her, he knew what he'd end up doing.

"Sasuke, are you… okay?" Her head tilted to the side, and he felt his heart skip a beat. Stop it, he tried to scold her mentally, knowing it wouldn't work.

"I'm fine. Don't worry about it." Liar. With one sharp breath, he took a step forward, his hand reaching to brush her out of the way gently. She stepped in front of him, stopping him and grasping at his wrist. He remembered that grasp; it was the same way he'd done it to her years ago, a firm but gentle grip. She released it after he stopped moving. Their gazes drew together instinctively; no words needed to be spoken between them. Sasuke felt a growing sense of worry after what he'd realized. Sakura was ANBU. That meant she put her life on the line every day, every mission, everything. It meant that at any moment when she wasn't on a mission, the Hokage could call her for one, and it could be the last time anyone would see her.

He couldn't wait. The moment Sakura released his wrist from her grasp, he reached up, tangling his fingers in her hair as need took precedence over logic. His lips crashed against hers fiercely, years of restrained emotions flaring in his chest as he kissed her. She seemed surprised for a split second but was quick to reciprocate; he felt her hands lock around his neck, leading him to skim a hand down her back, pulling her body tighter against his. At some point, he turned, pressing her back against the tree as they continued their motions, eventually breaking apart to breathe, staring at one another with wordless affirmations.

#sasusaku #sasusaku oneshot #sasusaku fanfic #sasusaku fanfiction #sasukexsakura #sakuraxsasuke #sakura haruno #naruto shippuden #anbu sakura #sasuke uchiha #uchiha sakura #sakuraharuno #harunosakura #sasukeuchiha #uchihasasuke #sakura uchiha #sakurauchiha #uchihasakura #xkaileo oneshots

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rheawritessometimes · 3 years

Text

Not Part of the Deal

{ Childe x GN!Reader }

{ Summary } Living with Childe is starting to feel a little too comfortable. Series Masterlist

{ Warnings } Swearing, Physical Intimacy, Alcohol, Intoxication, Undefined Relationship.

{ Notes } This took a long time, I'm having a hard time writing. I can't decide what I want to write but I didn't want to leave this unwritten for too long. Hopefully, I'll be able to wrap this series up nicely soon. Masterlist

{ Word Count } 1,846

The bed was empty when you woke up to the sound of laughter, which was reasonable considering it was Childe’s laughter coming from the kitchen. You sat up, noting that this was the second time your sleep was disturbed by the Harbinger being loud in the kitchen. Groggily, you rolled out of his bed to figure out the source of his amusement.

When you entered the kitchen, bright blue eyes shining with laughter met your gaze. They were so beautiful, framed by long lashes and accompanied by a goofy smile that could probably light up all of Teyvat for weeks. Were those dimples?

“I thought you didn’t want me ‘cooking enough to feed a small army’, why so much food?” Childe asked through his laughter, seeming much more amused by this than he reasonably should be. Not that this stopped you from laughing along with him.

“Well, I didn’t know what you might like to make, so I decided to err on the side of caution,” you replied somewhat bashfully. It was the truth, minus the fact that most of it was fueled by panic.

“I guess that means I should make a lot of dishes for dinner!”

This turned into quite the ordeal, with several different things being prepared simultaneously, Childe needed to split his focus and time things correctly. You couldn’t even help with much of the preparation, too focused on clearing counter space of his used cookware and cleaning dishes so you wouldn’t be left with a mountain of them afterward, it was especially useful that you cleaned dishes he would later need to reuse for a different component of the meal he had planned.

“Childe, this all looks really good but I think this is enough food to feed all of Liyue.”

“I don’t mind sharing.”

Scoffing at his reply, you could only shake your head. You assumed Childe would pass the leftovers off to his subordinates in Liyue so you didn’t mind too much, so long as the food didn’t go to waste and you didn’t have to do the distribution. Not many of the Fatui in Liyue were very fond of you, considering your history of fights with them. Maybe that’s why the guard didn’t like you.

Redirecting your attention to the food laid out on the table, you were impressed by the array of dishes. There was a cold, primarily vegetable soup that had caught your interest when Childe began preparing it. There was also some sort of potato salad with plenty of mayo, something similar to dumplings with meat filling, and fruit cooked in a syrup. Several other dishes filled the table and you felt bad not sampling at least a little bit of everything, so you kept your portions small.

Throughout dinner, you listened to the Harbinger tell you about the times he made these dishes with his family or sometimes a little bit about the history of a dish. While you didn’t say much, it was pleasant to have his chatter fill the air. He continued to talk about his family back in Snezhnaya and the long days spent fishing even after the both of you had finished eating and were clearing the table.

“I need to start exercising again, I don’t want to get out of shape,” Childe lamented once you had finished with the cleaning. You had both settled on the couch, sitting on opposite ends facing each other.

“Have you forgotten about your broken ribs already?” you ask, a bit of incredulity dripping into your tone.

“No, but it won’t hurt that bad. I can handle it.”

You really couldn’t tell if he was being serious or not with that statement, his tone was serious but he couldn’t be that careless. Surely he understood the strain would impede recovery, perhaps even make things worse.

“No, you can’t. You’d just mess up your recovery trying. Not to mention we have a deal,” you try to reason, wondering briefly if that kind of thing even worked on him. You knew Childe wasn’t one to break his promises but he also cared greatly about his strength.

“I will exercise restfully,” he said decisively, though his playful undertone made it apparent he was joking.

“You’re impossible.”

“And yet you adore me.”

Scoffing at his response, you meet his gaze. He wore a cheeky grin, eagerly awaiting your response in hopes of being able to further tease you. You know if you hesitate for too long he will also tease you about that, so your options were limited.

“You sound awfully confident in that,” you reply coolly. It was not an ideal response, but it was the best you could think of in the moment.

“Because it’s true, you didn’t even deny it,” the Harbinger gloats, seeming very satisfied with himself.

“Maybe,” you reply vaguely, rolling the thought around in your head. What were your feelings for him, exactly? It was clear you weren’t just friends, but it seemed like a lot to say you were in love with him and it didn’t seem to be enough to say you just liked him. You felt confused about him.

For the rest of the night, you thought about the same question, but even by the time you were falling asleep, you couldn’t bring yourself to give a solid answer. It left you feeling restless for the next few days, though things remained the same with Childe. To pass the time you took the dog Harbinger on regular walks through Liyue. Sometimes the two of you would stop at the various vendor’s stalls in the markets and others you would walk closer to the harbor.

Even with your uncertainty about him, Childe was as easy to get along with as ever. He joked and made you laugh, cooked most of your shared meals thankfully not making quite as much food, and explored Liyue with you. Sometimes you visited the restaurants and Zhongli would join the two of you, making a habit of keeping the two of you for hours with his stories before dumping the bill on the Snezhnayan.

Though fewer than normal, you still took up commissions around Liyue, leaving Childe unattended for some time. You couldn’t be certain, but you were pretty sure he still behaved in the time you were gone. It seemed he most often did some work for the Fatui in the time you were gone, you often came back to him reading over a report or writing something he would later handoff to the guard outside his door.

All in all, living with him was becoming fairly comfortable.

“Oh fuck we’ve been eating all this Snezhnayan food and stuff and I forgot to show you our most famous commodity,” Childe exclaimed one night as he was cleaning up in the kitchen after dinner. You looked over from drying a plate to see him pull two small glasses and a bottle of clear liquid from the cupboards. You knew enough to recognize it.

“Fire-Water?”

“Yeah, have you had it before? This is a bottle of the fancy stuff,” he hummed, already pouring some into the glasses, one with a noticeably smaller amount.

“I haven’t, I don’t drink much,” you admitted, taking the glass from him when he offered it to you.

“Oh, perfect,” he said with a grin that made you think it would not be perfect for you. That didn’t stop you from drinking the small amount in your glass after watching him knock back his.

The taste was awful, but the burn down your throat and how warm it made you feel was rather pleasant. Childe had been watching you, eager to gauge your reaction. He would be disappointed by the fact you didn’t cringe at the taste but also pleased you didn’t seem to dislike it.

“It’s not bad,” you said after a moment, which Childe responded to by pouring a more generous amount into your glass. They were small glasses, so it still didn’t amount to very much.

“I think you’re fully prepared for a visit to Snezhnaya now,” he laughed, also pouring more of the Fire-Water into his glass. Being awfully classy not drinking straight from the bottle.

“Is that your way of telling me you want me to visit you when you’re back in Snezhnaya?” you cooed teasingly, emptying your glass before setting it on the counter. It was already starting to feel a little hazy. That did not stop your companion from continuing to drink.

“Maybe. Maybe I would like to take you back with me,” he returned with a cheeky grin, wrapping an arm around your waist to pull you into his side, not letting you go once you were there. Not that you particularly minded being held snugly against his side. “What do you say? You might even like the cold.”

Heart fluttering at his words, you wondered if he meant them. Of course, he had said it in response to your teasing, but maybe he did want you around. Did you want to stay with him, by his side when he returns to Snezhnaya? Perhaps even going with him when the Fatui send him to different nations?

“I don’t know, I think you’d need to convince me it’s worth going with you,” you mused, giving him a playful smirk.

“Is being with me not enough for you?” he pouts, setting his glass down before using his grip on your waist to turn you around so your back bumps against the counter. His hands rested against the surface on either side of you caging you in as he gazed down at you with an expression that made your heart stutter.

The Harbinger observed your expression for a few beats before leaning down to press his lips to yours. He was much rougher than he’d been in the past, more eager, but you mimicked his pace and intensity nonetheless. Perhaps it was the alcohol you could still taste on his tongue that caused the change.

When you wrapped your arms around his neck, he lifted you up and seated you on the counter. He pulled away from the kiss to brush his lips against your cheek before moving to your neck. The kisses he left there started out delicate but when his teeth grazed against your skin you couldn’t help but close your eyes and sigh pleasantly.

When his hands hooked under your thighs to lift you up, your eyes flew open and a surprised squeak left you. On instinct your legs wrapped around him to prevent you from falling.

“Childe?” you asked when he began walking with you in his hold. It became apparent that the Harbinger was carrying you in the direction of his bedroom, causing your heart to speed up. It seemed like things were moving too fast.

“Alcohol makes me sleepy sometimes.” Oh.

You were promptly dropped on the bed, still feeling a little shocked. He leaned down to press another kiss to your lips, smiling at your expression. That night was the second time you found yourself falling asleep in Childe’s arms.

#genshin impact #genshin #genshin impact childe #childe #tartaglia #ajax #childe x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #gender neutral reader #gn reader #alcohol #intoxication #physical intimacy #undefined relationship #swearing #my writing skills are getting progressively worse #going downhill fast

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blackmissfrizzle · 3 years

Text

Just Right (2)

Part 1

Characters: Angel Reyes x black!plussized!reader

Chapter Summary: As he gets trained Angel starts feeling feelings.

Chapter Warning: Fluff, smut

A/N: Again shoutout to @starrynite7114 for being a wonderful friend, sounding board, and muse. Thank you girlie 😘

A/N (2): Since I got a chapter left, I’m gonna post one chapter a day.

If you want to check out more of my work here’s my masterlist and if you want to be notified here’s my taglist.

Divider Cred: @firefly-graphics

Photo Cred: @blessedboo

Angel was wrong and you were right. He hated you. While he was dying from the suicides you made him do you were standing there eating a taco and drinking water.

“Ain’t that enough?” Angel looked up at you during his break. “Nah, you’re gonna keep running until I feel skinny.” You took another bite of the taco.

“You’re fucking evil.” He lifted himself up for the next round torture. “I mean you could always use the safe word.” You shrugged nonchalantly.

Angel glared at you for your suggestion. He promised himself he would never speak Adelita’s name again and that’s why he decided to use it as his safe word during training. That way he wouldn’t give up. “Fuck no!” He shivered and started running again.

That’s exactly how training went for weeks. You push Angel until he voiced his hatred for you and then you pushed him some more. But in the evenings, you were each other’s company except for the occasional appearance by his brother and dad.

During this time Angel got to appreciate you more. You were attractive, funny, smart, and kind. How in the hell did he not see that before?

He was down in his garage working on his bike when you entered. “I always wanted to know what was in here.”

Angel shifted his gaze from his bike to you. He had to hold back a groan. Dressed in an oversized T-shirt of his team and shorts, a messy bun and your glasses with a plate of cookies in your hand you looked delectable. Again, he questioned himself on how Adelita was the one to capture his attention when you were right there all along.

“Ummmmm…cars.”

“Okay, smartass.” You chuckled as you rounded the corner. There you found Angel crouched on the ground working on a motorcycle. You weren’t able to see it earlier due to one of his cars blocking it. “Oh my god,” your fingers caressed the vehicle. “I didn’t know you had a bike.”

This wasn’t something Angel was used to. None of the women he dealt with including Adelita shared an interest in it. “Yeah, she’s my pride and joy.”

Finally standing up you got to enjoy Angel’s shirtless body. Yeah, he’s worked out shirtless before and you had to keep your composure then, but this, this was different. Maybe it had to do with him working with his hands or maybe it was because of his low-slung jeans that hugged his hips. Either way you were a mess.

Taking a deep breath, you purged your mind of any dirty thoughts of Angel Reyes. “Dude, you gotta take me for a ride.”

“Yeah?” Angel smiled at you, while wiping the grease off his hands. No matter how hard he asked, Adelita never agreed to ride with him, but here comes you and you’re practically begging him.

“Hell yeah! I mean I do have a fear of wiping out so I’m gonna be clutching hella hard.” Having your own bike was too nerve-wracking for you, so you settled for riding with someone, but the fear was still there.

“Don’t worry,” Angel lifted your chin and then stole a cookie from the plate. “I wouldn’t mind your arms wrapped around me.”

Your cheeks heated up. Every now and then Angel would make these types of comments, leaving you in a ditzy state. You have to convince yourself that that’s just how he is. From his interviews you could tell Angel was naturally flirtatious and charismatic.

Clearing your throat, you decided to change the subject. “So, what are you doing up this late? Don’t you have a game to rest for?”

Angel scratched the back of his head and knelt down to start working on his bike again. “Yeah, it’s just,” Angel threw his head back and let out a deep exhale. “What if I’m not ready? What if my knee gives out?”

Your heart cried out for Angel. Setting down the plate, you crouched down next to Angel and lifted his chin. “It won’t. I cleared you, the team doctor cleared you, and Coach Losa cleared you. You gotta trust the process, you gotta trust yourself.”

Angel tucked some stray hair behind your ear. “You’re amazing you know that, right? Practically a saint. Saint Y/N.”

“Oh no no no. I’m far from a saint.”

“Oh, so you’re one of them girls?” Angel arched his eyebrows suggestively.

You swatted Angel’s hands away. “No, I am not! I’m a good girl.”

Angel’s chocolate eyes darkened as his voice got deeper. “I know you’re a good girl.”

Your thighs clenched at his words. Now all you could think about is Angel on top of you calling you a good girl while he’s giving you that pipe.

“Anyway, why are you over here so late? Don’t you have a roster of men to be hitting up and making to take you out?” Angel knew you were single or at least he hoped you were. Every weekend you were here or with your parents and unlike everyone else your nose wasn’t stuck in your phone.

“Boy, I am single as Pringle.”

“Why?” Angel just had to know. You were too perfect not to be worshipped.

“Umm,” your phone buzzed, and you pulled it out to see a text from Rio. Smiling you texted him back and put your phone away. “I guess I just haven’t found the one, as corny as it sounds.”

He shouldn’t pry. It’s none of his damn business, but it was eating up at him as soon as he saw you smiling into your phone. “Who was that?”

“Oh, just Rio.” You threw out like nothing.

Of all the names, Angel didn’t expect that one. Turning away from you, Angel continued working on his bike, giving you the cold shoulder. “It’s getting late. You should go to bed and talk to Rio.”

The switch up was dizzying. One moment Angel was warm and soft and the next he was cold and hard. You just knew that it was best to leave him to sort out his feelings alone. “Well, I leave the cookies there if you want some more. Good night,” you said softly, feeling hurt.

When Angel heard the door closed, he kicked his toolbox across the room. Leave it to him to hurt the one person whose been by his side the whole time. “Way to go, Reyes.” Angel palmed his forehead, already thinking of a way to apologize.

Angel’s first game back was nerve wracking. He was playing safe, not trusting his knee fully. If he didn’t get it together right now his team would lose and be out the playoffs. “Hermosa, you gotta talk to him.” Bishop pleaded with you.

Hopping down from the stands you sat next to Angel on the bench. Feeling you next to him, Angel slid down to get away from you, but you just followed him to the end of the bench. “You go any further and you’re gonna end up on your ass.”

“Can’t you take a hint and go away?”

“Aww, someone’s cranky.” You pinched Angel’s cheek and he slapped your hands away. “Don’t be doing that shit on national tv.” Flicking his ear, you whispered in it. “Then stop acting like a fucking baby and do what needs to be done.”

Angel storms off from the bench and goes to the water cooler hoping to shake you, but you followed him anyway. “God, you’re like a fucking fly. So damn annoying.” Coco, Angel’s teammate and best friend was drinking his water when he heard Angel. He was about to defend you, but you held up your hand letting him know you got it.

Slapping the cup of water out of Angel’s hand you got in his space. “I’m not here to fucking coddle you, Reyes. I’m here to push you. You’re not a loser and I’m damn sure not a loser. So, what are you gonna do? Prove everyone else right and let your career go down in the drain or make the biggest comeback ever?”

The whistle blew signaling it was time for Angel to get back on the field. Angel kissed your cheek and snapped his helmet back on, running backwards to the field. “You know if the physical therapy thing doesn’t work out, you should ask coach about joining the coaching staff.” Rolling your eyes you flipped him the bird and he just laughed.

Bishop came up to you and put a headset on you. “Not the pep talk I was expecting, but it got the job done.” You nudge his shoulder and watched the team get a down. “What can I say? My mama ain’t raise no bitch.”

Bishop chuckled as the two of you watch Angel get the most yards he has in the entire game, making victory that much closer. He turned around and hugged you. “And maybe Angel is right. I might need you on my coaching staff.”

“Let’s get this W first and then we can talk about my salary.” You nudged Bishop’s shoulder.

There were 30 yards and one down left. They really needed a Hail Mary.

The whistle blew and for a moment you thought that Coco was about to get sacked, but the ball left his hands before they got to him. It was over. Coco overthrew the ball, there was no way Angel could catch it. You couldn’t watch this, it was making you too anxious. But then you heard the screams and you removed your fingers from your face. Angel caught the ball! He caught the freaking ball and was almost at the endzone with no one behind.

“AND THAT’S GAME LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!” The announcer informed over the intercom. “ANGEL REYES MAKES THE COMEBACK OF THE YEAR AND LEADS HIS TEAM TO THE GAME WINNING TOUCHDOWN AND TO THE PLAYOFFFS!”

Caught up in the commotion you were jumping around with the team on the sidelines, but suddenly you were lifted off the ground. “Oh my god, we did it!” Angel spun you around. “Don’t you mean you did it?” You giggled as Angel set you down on your feet. “Nah, mi dulce, we did it. I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you.” Angel kissed you on the cheek, but then he was pulled away for a post-game interview.

Gilly came up to you and wrapped his sweaty arm around your shoulder. “Get ready?”

“For what?” You arched an eyebrow at him. “To become the hottest commodity in sports history.” Then he left to join his teammates, leaving you to contemplate the next step of your career.

After the game, Angel made you go out and celebrate with the team. He claimed you were just as important to their success, even though you insisted you had nothing to do with it.

Man, these dudes can drink. “Slow down, Angel. Its not off-season.” You took his beer and finished it for him. Angel just sat back and smiled at you. “You’re right, let’s go.”

“Let me go to the restroom real quick.” You hopped up and ran to the ladies’ room. His friends gave him knowing smirks. “Cut it out.” He pointed to them.

“Nah, its not like that. We’re proud of you ‘mano. She’s a good one.” Coco smiled as you came back up to the VIP section.

Angel couldn’t keep his eyes off of you as you came up the stairs. The heels made your legs seem longer, the shorts made your ass look extra delectable, and the crop top bralette made it hard for him to keep his eyes off your cleavage. “Ready?”

“Yeah, lets go querida.” Angel took your hand and led you down the stairs to the rideshare pickup spot.

“You ordered the Uber yet?”

“Nah, I got something better.” He led you a couple of feet down to his motorcycle. “For real?” You squealed. “Yeah, I thought we go get some ice cream and then I’ll take you for a ride.”

Jumping up and down, you hugged Angel and kissed his cheek. “Oh my god, thank you! You’re the best!” Angel snapped the extra helmet on your head. “It’s the least you deserve. C’mon, hop on.”

Giddily you got on behind Angel, but you were tentative about wrapping your arms around him tightly. Already being pressed up against him was tantalizing enough. “You’re really gonna fall off if you hold onto me like that. Hold on tighter.” At his insistence, you followed his directions. “Good girl.” He said as he revved up his bike.

It was everything you wanted and more. The wind wiping through your hair, the zipping in and out of lanes, and the vibration of the bike underneath you.

Once, Angel got the ice cream, he took you to his favorite spot in the city. It was the biggest hill overlooking the city and also a well-known makeout spot for kids.

“Cloud 9, huh?” You lifted your eyebrow to him as you went to sit on the big rock out there. “Don’t think you’re gonna get lucky mister.” Angel chuckled and lifted his hands in surrender. “Never. My attentions are pure. Its all in my name.”

Kissing your teeth, you lightly shoved him. “Boy, you are far from an Angel according to the blogs.”

“What do the blogs say?” He asked lowly, taking his ice cream cup from you. “According to them you are exceptionally blessed and your tongue isn’t just used for talking.” Angel had a shit-eating grin, but you just had to wipe it off his face. “But I think its all bullshit.” You smiled at his dropped jaw and wiggled in your seat to celebrate for catching him off-guard.

Angel invaded your space and whispered against your skin. “You could always find out for yourself.” Nervously, you began laughing and mushed Angel in his face. He had to be joking.

Sensing your uneasiness, Angel changed the topic. “So, all this time together and I’ve never asked you how you got into physical therapy.”

“Oh, easy! My dad was a war vet and on his last tour he got seriously injured. Man, when I found out I buried my head in books looking for a treatment plan. His PT asked me more than once if I wanted his job. And the rest was history and now I’m working at the VA.”

“Wow, you sure you’re not the angel?” Could you get any better, he thought. Opposite of Adelita, your kindness didn’t come with stipulations. You gave with expecting nothing in return.

“Mmm, maybe,” you stretched out your body and yawned. “Sleepy, cariño?” He brushed back some of your hair. “Noooo,” you yawned out.

Angel took your ice cream cup and threw it in the trash. “Yes, you are, sleepyhead. Let’s go home.” You allowed Angel to move your body however he pleased. The tiredness was already seeping throughout your body. “Hold on tight. I’ll have us home in no time.”

Racing down the street Angel got you home quickly, though you weren’t as tired as you were earlier. The wind whipping you in the face woke you up some more.

“Thank you for tonight, Angel. Everything was perfect.” You didn’t know if it was the sleepiness, the alcohol, or just the heat of the moment, but whatever it was it led you to kiss Angel. It only lasted for a couple of seconds but as soon as you tried to back away he pulled you back in for a much longer, much more passionate kiss. “Come to bed with me,” he sorta asked, sorta ordered you once he let you up for air.

You nodded at him and he picked you up. “Angel, put me down! You’re gonna hurt yourself going up these stairs while carrying me.” Angel stopped mid-stride and tilted your chin to get a good look at you. “I don’t know what type of dudes you messed with before, but I ain’t them. I can handle of this,” he smacked your backside making you yelp. “Entiendes?”

“Mmhmm,” you nodded, nuzzling your face in his neck. Angel finished his trek to his room and laid you on his bed. Leaning back on you elbows, you appreciated Angel’s look for the night. He wore a simple black tee with ripped black jeans, but the pièce de resistance was his chain. There was something about it that made you hungrier for him. “Keep the chain on,” you meekly ordered him while he was taking off his clothes.

The corner of his mouth quirked up as he crawled over your body. “Yeah? You like it?” You nodded your head and bent down to kiss you while his hands slithered to your shorts to undo them. His fingers slid down your panties and right into your weeping core. “Shit, this all for me baby?”

“Yesss,” you mewled, your legs already thrashing against the bed. “How long has it been, querida? It’s a struggle to get two fingers in.”

You shook your head no, too embarrassed to tell him the truth. “Tell me.” He nipped at your chin. “Or you don’t get to cum and I wanna make you cum, pretty baby.” Angel stopped his fingers, even though he desperately wanted to continue.

“Please Angel,” you ran your fingers up and down his back. “Nah, baby. You gotta tell me first,” he kissed your pulse point. “Alright, you huffed, “three years.”

“See it wasn’t that hard.” Angel began his ministrations again. “We got three years to make up for.” The rough pad of his thumb found your clit and he began rubbing little circles.

“Angel.” You cried out and held onto his wrist. “God, you’re beautiful. You think you can handle another finger?”

It slipped out before you noticed. “Yes daddy.” Angel eyes darkened and he crashed his lips into yours, swallowing your cries. “Fuck, you’re gripping me so tight. Daddy’s gonna fuck this little pussy up.”

The delicious stretch from his fingers and the never ending assault on your clit had you on cloud nine. “Daddy, I’m gonna cum,” you whimpered, circling your hips. “Cum then.” Angel pressed all three fingers against your walls, triggering a white hit explosion you never felt in your entire life.

“Suck ‘em.” Angel tapped his fingers against your lips. Opening them up, you took them in your mouth catching a hint of metal due to his rings. You swore you tasted better on his fingers than on yours.

“Take off your top.” As you did what Angel said, he slid your shorts and panties off. While he took off your heels, he kissed the inside of your ankle. “I can’t wait to have this dangling in the air.” He fingered your anklet.

Pushing your knees to your chest, Angel slid down your body. He took a deep inhale of your pussy, committing your scent to memory.

The first lick was a little tentative, like he was sampling the goods first . But after a couple more swipes, he had your whole clit in his mouth making you go crazy. “Mi dulce, you just became my favorite meal.”

The combination of Angel’s tongue on your bundle of nerves and his fingers sliding in and out of you was maddening. “Oh no, not another one.” You said to no one in particular. Angel chuckled with your clit still in his mouth. “Oh yes, another one.”

Grabbing onto his raven locks, you tried to pull him up, but he hunkered down instead, Angel wrapped his hands around your hips and pinned you down, diving deeper into your folds. “Fuck Angel! I’m I’m I’m,” it felt like a dam broke as your orgasm overcame you.

Then the damn demon wouldn’t let you go. Angel continued to eat you out even though you already came and was beating down on his back.

Finally Angel came back up for some air and the sight before you was beautiful. His beard was glistening all because of you. Your essence was dripping all over his beard.

“Give me a taste, daddy.” You ordered Angel, crooking your finger. “As you wish.” Angel came up and kissed you. Your tongue swiped at the seam of his mouth. Angel complied with your silent order and opened his mouth, where you and him fought for dominance.

Keeping Angel focused, your hands traveled to his boxers, setting his dick free. “Oh my!” Just from the feel of it, you could tell Angel was hung. Guess those blogs were right. “Are you gonna fit, daddy?”

Angel laughed and reached out for a condom. Slipping on the condom, Angel tapped his dick against your clique. “Ohh, he’s gonna fit.”

Feeling confident that he gathered enough lubrication to slide in. “Fuck, mami, you’re tight.” Angel bent down to swallow your whimpers. As hard as it was for him not to cum, the pain had to be worse for you.

“I’m not hurting you, am I baby?” Angel didn’t dare to begin to move once he was fully seated. “No. I need you to give it to me, Angel.”

Angel pecked your lips and sat up on his arms with his hands on your hips. “This pussy is mines now! You ain’t going nowhere after this.”

He began brutally snapping his hips into yours while singing your praises. ‘Cum on my cock, pretty baby.’ ‘You make the cutest sounds while I’m beating this pretty pussy up.’ ‘You look so beautiful coming on my dick.’

Angel intertwined his fingers with yours and nipped at your lips. “Angel please let me cum.” He took your bottom lip and dragged it it in between his teeth. “Not until you tell me whose pussy this is.”

“Mines,” you gasped as he hit a new spot. “I knew there was a little brat in there.” Angel wrapped his free hand around your throat. His cool rings starkly contrasted the heat emitting from your body. “You like that shit, huh?” Angel commented when he felt you clench around him after he put his hand on your neck.

“Whose. Pussy. Is. This?” Angel growled, punctuating each word with a harsh thrust. “Damn it, yours Angel! It’s all yours!” You scratched down his back.

“Damn right it is,” he bit on your shoulder. “Cum on daddy’s dick, pretty girl.”

Throwing your head back, arching your back you let the orgasm wash over you. “Angel,” you screamed clutching onto him. “I’m right here, baby.” He kissed you all over face, letting you know he was right there with you.

“Shit,” Angel groaned, his strokes began to get sloppy. “I’m gonna cum, baby. Where do you want it?”

“In my mouth.” You just had to get a taste of him, especially since he already knew what you tasted like.

Quickly both of you got off the bed. You on your knees and Angel hovering over you. Throwing the condom off, he began stroking his veiny masterpiece he called a dick. “You’re gonna look so pretty with my cum all over your face.” Angel stroked your cheek lovingly like he wasn’t just about to paint your face with his load.

Out of nowhere, you got jealous of Angel’s hand and instead of letting him jerk himself off to completion, you wrapped your mouth around his dick. “Oh shit,” Angel moaned, throwing his head back. “Keep sucking Daddy’s dick like that.” He buried his hands in your hair as he tried his hardest not to fuck your face.

“Aww fuck, I’m gonna, I’m gonna, shit!” Angel exploded in your mouth, making you take every drop. But you didn’t stop after that, you kept sucking and swiping across his tip. Angel had to push your head back to get you to stop. “Think that’s funny?”

Wiping the corners of your mouth you smiled up at him. “Yeah.”

“Nasty bitch,” Angel pulled you up by the hair and kissed you, loving the taste of himself on your tongue. “So, did I live up to the blogs?”

“Hmmm, I don’t know. I need to conduct further research.” Angel pushed you back onto the bed. “That can be arranged.” He smiled as he climbed back on top of you to ensure he blew past your expectations.

Tagging: @ourlittlesecretsoveragain @starrynite7114 @sambucky8 @mygirlrenee @richonne4life @readsalot73 @chaneajoyyy @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat @jassydwill11 @otomefromtheheart @miss-nori85 @xsweetdellzx @cherryblossomgirl20 @ljstraightnochaser @my-rosegold-soul @angrythingstarlight @brattyfics @lovebennycolon @langiinspirations @chibsytelford @trulysuccubus @spookys-girl @sesamepancakes @brownsugarcoffy @thesandbeneathmytoes @fvckthisbxtchup @theartisticqueen @vsfavs @woahitslucyylu @angelreyesgirl @blessedboo @marvelmaree @ifoundmyhappythought

#black!reader #angel reyes x reader #angel reyes x black!reader #angel reyes x black!plussized!reader #angel reyes #mayans mc #frizzlefic #frizzlesfic #frizzlewrites

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itsclydebitches · 3 years

Note

I have to wonder how season 2 Crosshair is gonna start with anything other than him escaping execution. Dude murdered his whole squad with one known survivor who reports it to the General, who then says 'We were gonna kill him anyway, so just let him die here'. It's not like Crosshair has any sort of bargaining chip to justify the Empire not abandoning or executing him.

It may end up being important that (I think) the surviving squad member doesn't know that Crosshair killed his team, only that they're dead. She was off looking for Omega, came back, saw her dead teammates and the clones fighting droids, and (smartly lol) got the hell out of Dodge. I think her exact words were that Crosshair "lost control of the situation," which tells the Admiral that Crosshair failed, but not that he failed because of his own betrayal. Granted, I think she's also the one who approaches the Admiral earlier, saying she doesn't trust Crosshair's motivations when it comes to his former team, so there's already a precedent set that Crosshair's loyalty may be less than perfect. Still, the actual explanation of what went down doesn't reveal that Crosshair killed his teammates and outright betrayed the Empire, just that he failed to complete the mission.

So based on what stories have done in the past, I can picture a couple of different ways for him to return:

Using the above, Crosshair straight up hides his shaky loyalties and frames the failure as just that: a garden variety failure. Perhaps he implies, though does not outright state, that his team's death came at the hands of TBB. A "Let the Admiral think what he wants" situation that benefits him.

The above + Crosshair emphasizing that TBB escaped. You know what kind of threat they are, Admiral, and though I failed before, I'm still your best chance at capturing/killing them. You need me. Crosshair believes firmly in his own usefulness — that ego — and he's not above working hard to convince others of that.

Between now and the time of his return, the Admiral has, for whatever reason, reconsidered the benefit of having at least a few clones in his army and is thus pleased that Crosshair survived, no matter the iffy circumstances of that. Personally, my mind keeps focusing on the weird motivations here. Namely, this push to have a conscripted army when, as far as TBB shows, that's a bad option compared to what they've already got. We as the audience know that the Empire needs to reach the point where they've got stormtroopers with terrible aim (that's the OG Star Wars), but right now, outside of that meta context, the Admiral's choices come across as rather stupid to me. Gregor and TBB point out, "These are our replacements?" highlighting that conscripted soldiers just don't have the skill of clones who were bred for war. I can only assume that the Empire was spying on Crosshair's team the same way they did TBB when they were sent to execute the "insurgents," which means they would have seen that the clone, Crosshair, was the only one originally willing to follow their order of killing civilians. Crosshair had to kill the other guy/talk the rest of the team into following that command. And of course, that's largely due to the chip, circling right back to why the Empire would have removed his when it gives them perfect control over Crosshair, especially after bothering to enhance it in the first place. So say nothing of Crosshair's crazy skills, making him one of, if not the best, shooter in the galaxy. I feel like if they want the Admiral to come across as less foolish, all these points should resurface at some point like, "Yes, having an ally specifically bred for war, with a genetically superior makeup to enhance his ability, who can be put under literal mind control and who while in that state has already proven that he'll follow our commands when conscripted soldiers won't... that's actually a good thing for us evil people to have!"

The Admiral has totally written Crosshair off. Doesn't need him. Doesn't want him. But a new character is introduced who is interested and who, crucially, outranks him. So Crosshair is let back in as someone else's evil pet, setting up conflict within the Empire.

The above, but specifically through the lens of clones now being a rare and useful commodity. We know they grabbed Nala Se, so either she (if she regains some power) or her new scientist boss could insist that they keep Crosshair around as a genetic source/experiment/whatever. Especially since they don't have Omega yet. Could even be that Crosshair becomes a prisoner again, returning to fight for the Empire, but becoming their lab rat instead.

Crosshair deliberately does something to get back into their good graces. Something, something, saving the Admiral from a legit threat, or one of Crosshair's own making. A way to show off how useful he is.

OR we do get a near execution that results in the same basic thing: Crosshair escapes, shows off his skill, all his would-be executioners are dead, he's the last one standing, and the Admiral is like, "Well then. Welcome back." You know when Rex is on the cruiser and goes "This will do nicely," Tech points out that it's not sterile, Rex pushes back that they can go to Kamino instead, and within a second Tech is going, "This will do nicely!" too? Same idea. It's easy to accept Crosshair as the best/only option if he does something to make himself that option.

Ultimately, I think how this goes down will depend largely on whether they want Crosshair back in the Empire's clutches or not. He's told TBB he intends to stick with the big power, but that doesn't necessarily mean the plot will allow for that. If the story wants Crosshair to continue being a willing Imperial for a time, prior to his assumed redemption, then yeah, I think it would be relatively easy to get him back in the Empire's good graces. It wouldn't necessary be the smoothest transition of all time, but as we've already seen in Season One — I don't totally follow why conscripted soldiers are supposedly better than clones, don't follow why TBB isn't trying to rescue Crosshair, don't understand yet why Crosshair won't clarify things about his chip, etc. — motivations in Star Wars can be... messy at the best of times. So if they just went, "And the Empire let Crosshair come back for ___ reason, don't think about that reason too hard" I'd be fine with that. But, if they want Crosshair to start his redemption now, one of the easiest ways to do that would be to stick him with a third party. Someone else finds him on the planet, perhaps someone neutral-ish like another bounty hunter, and Crosshair is given the chance to technically be opposed to his brothers because that's where they left things, but not actively working with the organization hunting him down. Plot-wise it would be relatively simple to put him in situations where he wants to return to the Empire, but can't just now, for whatever reason — they need to travel there, he hasn't thought up a means of getting back in their good graces yet, he gets caught up in another problem he needs to solve first, starts hunting TBB himself to return with that incentive, etc. — and that time allows him to start reconsidering whether he actually wants to go back, now that he's been forced to survive without them. An in-between space that will allow him to work towards the Light side again... even if I'd personally prefer for that to come about through his brothers fighting for him.

#TBB #The Bad Batch #SW #Star Wars #Crosshair #mymetas

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deactivated-20220808 · 3 years

Text

The Community Doesn’t Treat Introjects Like People, And As An Introject, I’m Tired Of It.

Hello all.

Technically not Remy here, but on some level, still Remy, and oh boy do I have a scalding hot take.

Almost /nobody/ in the community online treats fictives with any sort of humanity, dignity or respect.

One of THE biggest issues in the online system and plural communities is the fetishization of introjects, i.e. fictives/factives/etc, but particularly fictives and factives. This is something that happens on ALL sides of the community, it happens with pro-endos, anti-endos, DIDOSDD1 systems, parogenics, endogenics, all of us alike. Origin is irrelevant when fictives and introjects are involved.

In the community, there is a huge expectation for how fictives and factives are supposed to operate:

Introjects are always fictives or factives of comfort media/characters/creators/etc, and never of people you know IRL and especially never the collective’s abusers

You must have a deep connection to your source

You must have “source memories”/pseudomemories (the medical term)

You must always have “source trauma”/“exotrauma” related to your source

You must generally follow headcannons involved in the fandom or headcannons that your collective holds

You must actively seek out source content that suits you/your canon

You must miss your sourcemates and make “canon calls”/“source calls”

Being separated from your source always causes severe distress and discomfort

You must always split with no knowledge of the system or where you are now

Every time you watch a new media, you must split new introjects from it

You must always be fully 3D alters and never fragments

You must never grow past your source or become your own person, and must always be treated like your source

There are more, but these are the big expectations and stereotypes that I can think of off the top of my head.

Now, disclaimer here, I am not the Remy that generally posts on this blog, I am the co-host of the system. You should still call me/us Remy, I’m just specifying, because the Remy that generally posts here is not an introject, whereas I am and thus I feel more qualified to talk about my experiences being an introject that doesn’t fit any community expectations, standards and stereotypes, and how that alienates me from other introjects/fictives/factives/etc. I’m also going to be speaking mainly from the perspective of an alter in a DID system, and mainly talking about DID systems and introjects/fictives/factives/etc in DID systems, since I don’t feel comfortable speaking on the experiences of plurals that are non-traumagenic and non-dissociative.

I am an introject of multiple sources, 2 specific ones in fact: A fictional character, and our abusive stepfather.

I don’t have pseudomemories/“source memories” from either ‘source’. I don’t have memories of ‘being’ the fictional character I’m introjected from, and I don’t have memories of abusing my family. I just hold the appearance and some traits of said fictional character, in combination with traits and behaviors related to our stepfather. I didn’t start off as an introject of the fictional character, either. I started off as a fragment from childhood that held memories, emotions and traits related to our stepfather, and only recently, as of this year, did I actually become aware of myself during a traumatic event that I now hold the memories of. Because of that traumatic event, I started becoming more “3D” as it were, and part of that was latching onto the identity and appearance of a fictional character that displays prevalent anger issues and has frequent angry outbursts, something that is related to the traumatic event that caused me to become aware, as well as something that is related to our stepfather’s behavior. This character was also abused very similarly to how we were abused, making the connection and reasons for latching onto this identity stronger and more obvious, but in spite of this, I don’t have memories of being abused by ‘my’ parents in my source.

I only know that I’m an introject of that fictional character because of my appearance, and I know that I’m an introject of our stepfather because I share many, many traits with him, but I don’t have “source memories”/“pseudomemories” or any real deep attachment to my “sources”. In that same vein, I also don’t have “source trauma”. I don’t follow headcannons that people/Remy (host) has for the character I’m based off of. I don’t seek out source content very much because I don’t have a connection to my sources. I engage with it casually as in drawing fanart for the characters, but that is mostly to spread our artwork and to get commissions as my fictional source is a popular show. I don’t miss ‘sourcemates’, I don’t have any. I came into awareness knowing about the system, knowing who I was, knowing where I was, and knowing our general life situation, I didn’t come from nothing, (no alters come from nothing, they come from your subconscious, so they’re more likely to know what’s going on than they are to not).

I don’t share many traits with many of the other introjects in the communities because of this. I hate being treated like or compared to my source(s), so I don’t generally tell people I’m an introject at all. I changed my name, my appearance (relatively) and did as much detachment from my source as possible because trying to stay connected to it was exhausting. I constantly struggle with lines of thought like “[source character] wouldn’t act like this, you’re fake”. I actively tried to come up with ‘source memories’ so I could fit in with the other introjects, and it never worked or felt right because I wasn’t supposed to have any because I didn’t need any, even if the character I’m based on experienced a very similar abuse to what we experienced bodily.

Because of this, I feel extremely alienated from the system/plural communities online, because I don’t see many other introjects like me at all. I just see the community expectations of introjects, and I’m half inclined to believe that some introjects are exaggerating certain things about themselves to fit in, much like I tried to. What really doesn’t help is the fact that people treat introjects like a commodity, like something cool to have when we’re not. We’re just alters based heavily and obviously off of outside sources. That’s it. Introjects are always expected to tell people they’re introjects, we’re expected to flaunt our introject status as if it were an alter’s role within the system, which doesn’t make sense, because “introject” is not a role, its a type of alter, such as a ‘nonhuman alter’ or a ‘child alter’/‘little’. These aren’t roles, they’re alter types and there’s a huge difference. My role is not ‘introject’, it’s ‘co-host’ and ‘alter that keeps everyone’s shit together by keeping us on track’, and yet, here we are, parading around acting like ‘introject’, ‘fictive’, ‘factive’, ‘fuzztive’, etc, are all alter roles and not descriptors.

I don’t understand people’s apparent need to let everyone know that a certain alter is an introject, or how attached to ‘source’ they are, or the need to tell people you’re ‘introject heavy’, considering the fact that not only is this all personal information, it very obviously affects how people view and treat your system. People don’t treat introjects normally, they always come up to us, whether they’re singlets or systems or plural or whatever, and say shit like “you’re problematic for being an introject of x character/person/etc”, or “i love your source!” or “your source is triggering to me, don’t front around me”, or “why did you do x thing in your source?”, as if we’re expected to know what to say to that, or like we’re supposed to go “oh yes i know, i’m sorry for existing”, or “thanks for liking my source I guess??”, or “yeah sorry you obviously have the right to control who does and doesn’t front within our system and have the right to take away an alter’s autonomy just for us to exist around you collectively” or forcing us to explain why our source characters have done certain things, whether we have source memories surrounding those events or not.

The facts are: No one outside your collective is entitled to know you’re an introject. No one outside your collective is entitled to say who is and isn’t allowed to front. No one outside your collective is entitled to speak about your source with you. No one outside your collective is entitled to ask you invasive questions about your source and things “you” did in source, whether you remember them or not.

Another thing, people always talk about an introject’s source character/person/etc as if that introject is literally that character, and people don’t see how incredibly harmful this is? You don’t see how incredibly damaging it can be to tell an introject that they are literally that character, and reinforce dissociation between your alters by implying that everything they did and went through is real, by referring to them as that fictional character they’re based on? Because while it may hurt some alters to hear this, no, what you went through is not real or something that actually happened, that’s why the clinical term for ‘source memories’ is ‘pseudomemories’. Your source memories are based off of a combination of a very dissociated consciousness’s way of trying to conceptualize trauma, trying to make sense of everything by ‘filling in the gaps’, and a fictional piece of media/events that you did not go through bodily. It is not a ‘reality check’ to say this for several reasons, mainly because that is a term relating to psychosis/delusions.

It sucks for some alters to hear this at first, but your source memories did not literally happen, and the sooner we let go of this expectation of having detailed ‘source memories’ and ‘source trauma’, and the idea that we constantly have to reaffirm that these memories are ‘real’, the sooner and easier it will be to let go of a lot of these memories and trauma, and to start connecting/integrating* with your system.

(Note: I am not using “integrate” (lowering of dissociative barriers between alters, increasing communication, etc), to mean “fuse” (the merging of two or more alters into one), the two are very different and have very different meanings. Integration is required for healing in DIDOSDD1, but fusion is not.)

I’m not saying source memories or your feelings surrounding these memories (if you have them) aren’t valid, ‘source memories’ are normal to have in both introjects and non-introjects. I’m saying that these events did not literally happen to the body or to you. Most often, source memories are a way of processing and conceptualizing trauma that the body experienced in a way where the brain can think about it, but not have to attribute the trauma to something that happened to them, (ie it’s the brain saying ‘this trauma happened to this fictional character, not to me!’). Introjects are alters heavily and obviously /based off of/ an outside source, they are not, nor were they ever, the characters they are built around. They are and have always been, (in DID), dissociated aspects of a heavily traumatized and hypercompartmentilized consciousness. The implication that introjects were, at some point, the fictional characters they were based on, but /now/ they’re alters in a system, is extremely unhealthy and reinforces substitute beliefs that keep a system from functioning and integrating healthily.

I almost feel bad for other introjects in other systems/collectives, because even their own systems/collectives will treat them this way, and it only does damage in the long run. Most, if not all, introjects are at some point going to have to come to the conclusion that they aren’t and were never literally their sources, that the things they remember happening, while valid experiences, did not literally happen, and that they are allowed to grow past their sources and become their own people, that they don’t constantly have to perform as the characters/people/things that they are based off of. You don’t eventually /have/ to be 100% detached from your source like I am to be valid or whatever, I’m saying that if your existence as an introject is distressing to you, you are allowed to forfeit that identity and build yourself a new one. If it’s hurting you, you don’t have to go by your source name or dress like your source or act like your source or use images from/related to your source for your profile pictures or even tell people that you’re an introject/what your source is. You literally do not have to. I know the community encourages people to tell everyone everything about their system, specifically as a validity thing as well as pressure to be like other systems since everyone else is doing it, but you don’t have to do that at all. It is no one’s business if you don’t want it to be.

To everyone that has introjects or interacts with them:

Stop pushing these expectations onto introjects. Stop expecting introjects to have source memories. Stop expecting introjects to fit your headcannons every single time you split a new one. Stop suggesting that they were at some point literally that character/person/etc that they are based on. Stop parading around the fact that your introjects are introjects without their permission. Stop telling other people private things about your alters without their permission, actually, this just happens to be an issue that is especially prevalent with introjects. Stop forcing the idea that introjects are always heavily connected to their sources. Stop forcing your introjects into the box of “introject” and let us become our own people outside of what we’re based on if we want to be.

You may not realize this, but in DIDOSDD1, everything that happens in your system is based on your subconscious thoughts/views whether you are aware of these thoughts/views or not. Everything about your subconscious affects your entire system because you are all in the same brain and are all part of the same subconscious, whether you want to believe it or not. The way you view your introjects subconsciously is going to affect how your introjects split and how they behave, because everything down to what introjects you split, how they behave and how they interact with the rest of the system are determined by your subconscious thoughts/views of that source character/person they’re based on, the trauma/stress you experienced when they split, and your subconscious views of introjects, alters and your system as a whole. The less you view your introjects as people/individuals with their own thoughts/feelings/autonomy, the more that is going to affect how they behave, how they view themselves, (and it’s usually going to to be dehumanizing themselves because of this treatment), as well as how they integrate with the rest of the system, (ie usually by preventing or slowing down healing and integration).

This community needs to learn how to treat introjects with basic humanity and respect. We are just as deserving of respect and dignity as any other system member. I’m not the character/person I was based off of. I’m just me. The same goes for every other introject out there. I’m sorry if this is hard to hear or too ‘hot’ of a take, but I am so tired of (my alter type) being dehumanized by a community that is supposed to uplift, respect and care for us.

This needs to change.

Sincerely,

Remy

(PS: If any introjects want to add onto this post with their own negative experiences within the community, feel free. Or alternatively, you can come into our inbox about it, on or off anon, and talk about your experiences, and we can link it to a more concise post talking about the negative experiences of introjects within the community.)

#txt #syscourse #long post #actuallyplural #actuallytraumagenic #actuallydid #actuallymultiple #endogenic #pluralgang #anti endo #pro endo #introject #fictive #factive #pluralmeta #sysmeta #didmeta #pluralitycritique

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