Tumgik
#but outside of those 2 and like 3 other people who like my posts i just feel. like im only a number in peoples follower counts
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kdnfb's Ten Years of Fanfiction Mania
Featuring: Unmasked
Summary: Written under an Anonymous pseudonym ~M~ to fill the following prompt ~ Historical Katniss and Peeta hate each other. They attend a masquerade ball and for some reason end up kissing each other. Sparks fly everywhere. Katniss tries to find the man behind the mask but Peeta knows it was Katniss though he doesnt say anything. They end up bethrothed even if they 'despise' each other. How they fall in love is up to u and how katniss figured out it was peeta is up to u
Rating: E for explicit sexual content, explicit language, implied/referenced rape/nonconsensual (not everlark), implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced suicide, implied/referenced miscarriage, discussions of illness, war, and injury in a historical setting, ptsd, minor character death. They worst of these tags happens offscreen and is merely discussed and dealt with rather than shown here.
A/N: ~Unmasked~ is my longest fic in terms of word count (around 234k), although Outside Chance and Spellbound are not too far behind and are both incomplete. Unmasked started as something meant to be fun and cathartic, then turned into a ridiculously long and self indulgent fic that I still, to this day, have no idea if the anonymous person who submitted the prompt to @everlarkficexchange even read, let alone whether or not they liked it. But I love what I produced for this fic.
Why write it anonymously and only reveal myself later? A couple reasons. 1) Historical is not my wheel house. At least not writing it. I am a shameless consumer of historical romances. I did some research for this fic but not nearly the level I would've liked to have done. Eventually, I said screw it, it's about the vibes not the accuracy. 2) I had a pile of unfinished wips when I started this, to include Outside Chance and Spellbound (both of which are still unfinished hmmmmm) and I really didn't want a lot of questions about when I was going to get back to those while I was working on this because 3) I'd just gone through a small slice of writerly hell to the point that I seriously considered deleting my entire tumblr and all of my fanfic. Details are not important right now, the result is. That's probably the closest I've ever come to calling myself done with fandom.
Then this prompt posted to EFE and wouldn't leave me alone. Eventually, I decided that if I was going to write it, I wanted to write it with as little pressure as possible. So I chose to write and post it as ~M~ until it was finished. Plus, I thought it might make it fun for people other than me if there was a bit of mystery behind it. And I don't regret doing that.
Writing behind a mask allowed me to be as long winded and self-indulgent as I wanted to without worrying about how tight the storyline was or how accurate the historical details were, or wondering if I'd be walking into my tumblr and a barrage of the kind of messages I'd come to dread receiving. The only thing I worried about, really was if the amount and kind of smut I included gave me away prematurely lmao.
While this was my first real foray into the realm of historical fics, I am hoping it's not the last. I've got too many ideas and half started pieces to back out of it now. But those, like this one, will probably remain untethered to a specific real place, and a specific time, mainly because I just don't have that kind of time for research if I'm not getting paid to do it lol. They will be works of love if not works of accuracy.
Unmasked on AO3
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drbtinglecannon · 2 years
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As much as I absolutely adore Darius & Hunter content, or have neutral/'lol' feelings towards dalador, I really can't see any post-canon content revolving around Darius that doesn't include Eber.
Like. That slow eye pan of Eber looking to Darius when he was captured, Darius immediately surrendering to save Eber, Eber trying to rush to him afterwards.
They're a pair, they're ride or die besties, they're brothers, do not separate. They'll raise the traumatized teen together.
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rotturn · 1 year
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once i come back from my trip i think... there's gonna be some big changes
#theres a Lot of mutuals ive been trying to interact w who ignore me and a fair few I've stayed mutuals w#just bc it feels like i have to#and it has made tumblr feel. very lonely#i know this time of year just gets like that#but like. theres people who i used to be close to and talk to a lot who i can not get a reply from ic or ooc these days#and like people move on thats fine its just. idk it sucks#and i know im guilty of being slow sometimes and messages sometimes get missed if im overwhelmed but#i try very very hard to at least reply sometimes or acknowledge peoples posts/existence#but it only feels like 3 or 4 people actually want me here or want to talk to me#idk i love rping and i love being here but this is a collaborative hobby and it feels very much like everyones got people except me#the two people that i talk to every day mean the world to me i love u guys#but outside of those 2 and like 3 other people who like my posts i just feel. like im only a number in peoples follower counts#maybe come the end of jan people will be back online more and I'll feel better but idk#i just try so hard to be here all the time and have completely fucked my sleep schedule on Many occasions#just to hang out and talk w people and i throw my all into trying to be here and have friends and be interesting#and i guess im just. not? and it sucks but it is what it is i guese#i just wish that this wasnt such a lonely place bc im so tired of deleting a bunch of posts constantly bc they get no notes#and it makes me feel like my blog looks messy and bad for anyone new whos looking#i just constantly feel like i have to apologize for existing here and its not fair thats not what this is meant to be#i miss having friends here. people used to like me and im not sure what changed
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star-sim · 4 months
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"noo! she's taken!" ☆ enha hyungs
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☆ non-idol! bf! enhypen hyungs x celebrity! fem! reader ☆summary: you are a very well-loved celebrity, and your relationship is finally revealed to the public. ☆genre: fluff, silly boys ☆warning(s)? ygs liked the maknae ver so here's the hyung ver! maknae ver
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heeseung ☆
i think ur a musician here
one of those very personable and insightful ones
giving laufey or mitski yk?
anyways heeseung is THE stan
within your fandom
he's the guy that EVERYONE KNOWS
like ppl will argue who is the best [name] stan and the moment he's brought up they shut their mouths
heeseung does not play around when it comes to stanning you, his gf
somewhat like riki, heeseung runs multiple stan accounts for you
but he's most active and most well-known on 1) youtube and 2) tiktok
all his youtube videos are titled
"[name] concert 11/25/2023 nyc, usa (she looked at me!)"
"[name] concert 11/26/2023 miami, usa"
"[name] concert 11/27/2023 berlin, germany (i touched her hand!)"
"[name] concert 11/28/2023 jakarta, indonesia"
"[name] concert 11/29/2023 melbourne, australia (i met her!)"
like how the fuck is he going to all of these concerts when theyre literal hours apart and OCEANS AWAY
he likes to vlog his concert experiences
and theyre very entertaining because he's like genuinely enjoying himself
on his tiktok he also records his concert experiences
but i also think he posts your fancams and makes edits of you
too many times where an edit of you became known as "that one [name] edit"
he makes a lot of thirst edits of u
too many captions like "i want her so bad" or "she's so fine i need her biblically"
everyone knows who he is, even ppl outside of your fandom or the music scene
hes just that one guy that really likes you
one day ur on tour
its all fine and dandy, ur eating everything up, ur fans are loving it
and heeseung is documenting his concert experience
as he always does
and then it ends and heeseung posts it
however
this concert vlog
is
uh
receiving a lot of attention
TOO MUCH ATTENTION
THAT ITS
VERY
SUSPICIOUS
........
you and hee are just hanging out in your hotel when his phone starts blowing up
and yours too
all the comments on his video are normal, the ones that are expressing playful envy at heeseung's presence at ur concert
and like
it's not like heeseung doesn't get these types of comments
but one comment catches his eye
it has like 50k likes
and hes like oh shit
"at 3:05 heeseung why are you kissing [name]"
kissing.
[name].
he clicks that timestamp
and oh my god
THERES LIKE A CLIP OF HEESEUNG KISSING YOU
you see
when heeseung records your concerts he's recording it both for his fanpage and for the memories
he'll take as many cute couple pictures and videos with you as possible
and he just so happened to accidentally add one of the clips of you and him
kissing.
in fact
he accidentally added A LOT OF CLIPS AND PICTURES of you and him being a couple
ones of you hugging him backstage, ones of you two holding hands, even one where viewers can faintly hear you calling heeseung "babe"
and the other comments
OH LORD THE OTHER COMMENTS
"THAT SHOULD BE ME"
"HEESEUNG MOVE ASIDE!!!!!!!!!"
"i hate seeing people live my dream"
"SHE'S MINE *growls*"
"[NAME] GET BEHIND ME"
obv theyre all half joking half confused, but i think ppl are able to joke w him bc he's such an obnoxious stan 😭
and heeseung is like
poor heeseung is sweating and panicking
bc shit HE JUST EXPOSED UR RELATIONSHIP
but when he tells u
you literally are just like
"okay"
OKAY????
"it's not a big deal"
heeseungs like WHATATATATA
at first he's kinda unsure
bc ur so chill abt it that he's almost afraid that ur actually mad at him 😭
but you legitimately do not care
and when he realizes this
he goes from
😱
to
😈
because
NOW HE CAN FLEX ON EVERYONE
he goes straight to twitter and drops more couple-y pictures of you and him
he probably posts a tiktok that pans over to you on his bed or something
caption like "it's exposed now, but yeah, [name] is actually my gf"
its goes so viral
hes so smug about it too
like whenever he gets into arguments abt who's a better fanpage hes like "I'M LITERALLY A HER BF???"
he becomes an inside joke in ur fandom
i think everyone jokingly flames his ass too
"why did she pick heeseung of all people...."
"pixelated fancam, ass editing, shitty camera, yet [name] still chose him... what did we do wrong"
"[name] wasn't lying in her song when she said she has bad taste in men"
"i can't believe heeseung literally stole my spot... i should be the one that she writes all her love songs about..."
free him 😭😭😭
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jay ☆
ooh this one is kinda juicy
ur a musician slay
but sometimes you do modeling
for one of your shoots
you're showing off your midriff and ur just glowing sorry
all ur followers are like
"ughhh step on me [name]"
"i don't think ygs understand i need her"
"[NAME] ONE CHANCE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE"
"i want her."
very quickly goes viral
ur just so hot ughhhhh
but ppl notice something upon closer inspection
you have a tattoo on ur back
at first everyone is like
"okay sexy lady love the tat"
but then
when they look closer
they can't help but see that incorporated into the design
is two
very
specific
letters
J and P
almost like they're someone's initials
🤨🤨🤨
hmmmmm
interesting.....
who is JP?
HMMM???
and now that ppl look at it
you have so many songs and albums that refer to JP
like ur one album
called
"just playing, i love you" but it's commonly abbreviated as "jpily"
JP????? ILY?? JP I LOVE YOU???
WHO THE HELL IS JP
"whoever jp is, he needs to meet me in the parking lot so we can have a talk 😆"
"jp my opp"
"jp kys!!!"
"jp is living my dream"
hehe
you see this
and jay aka mr JP himself sees this
and ur like
yk what let's tease the fans
for the next few months ur just teasing jay's existence
using his intials
like one time you wear a heart necklace that has the letters jp engraved in them
or when you tweeted "i love jp" but followed it up with "Jurassic Park is a wonderful movie 😆"
oh god you make it so obvious
"jp is the reason i make my music" and then following it up with "Jimmy Page is my favoritie guitarist 😛"
like ur fans are tired
and theyre getting outright insane
"guys the winter is getting cold and dire... the voices in my headare telling me that [name] is dating this jp person and i don't know how much longer i can live in denial"
"fuck you jp that should be me!!!"
"i hope jp knows how lucky he is... if a hot woman like [name] tattooed my initials i think i'd die maybe"
"i'm fighting demons (and jp)"
until finally!!!
you go to an award show
you look great as always
ugh queen
and ur getting interviewed
the interviewer asks you a playful question like
"oh are you here with any date?"
AND YOU JUST SMILE
"of course, i'm here with my boyfriend, jay park."
oh man
when that gets posted
EVERYONE IS GOING CRAZY
JAY PARK
JP
AAAAAAAAA
and when the actual award shows gets posted
it keeps panning over to you and jay
and everyone is like
THAT'S HER BF????
all jay can say is that he's prideful duh
everyone wants u but he's the only one that can have you
you definitely take a lot of pictures on the red carpet at the award show
and jay is with u in a lot of them
he's holding ur waist so tightly
like you're not gonna run away cuh it's okay omg 😭😭😭
anyways i think it gets resolved pretty easily
ur fandom accepts jay
but they still joke abt him
and when jay makes a twt account it gets worse
he WILL respond to them
and he WILL flex u
every time he does it shuts down the argument right away.... if he wants to win he just needs to mention ur name
"jay meet me after the concert, we will fight to the death for [name]'s love"
and this mf responds "can i bring [name] to be the ref?"
"jay ur hair looks so fucked up in this picture"
and he responds "yet [name] still picked me and not you"
you have to tell him to stop fighting ur 16 yr old fans HELP
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jake ☆
sorry ur a musician again
you have a new song that came out
yk how in some songs
there's almost like an interlude
where there's speaking parts
like in agora hills theres a small part where doja cat says "baby can you call me back, it's so lonely in my mansion" yk?
you have something like that in your newest song
cute!
except it's not just your voice
but a MAN'S voice too
JAKE'S VOICE
the speaking part is very flirty and suggestive
and when it comes out
ppl are like
WHO IS THAT MAN
and then when the music video comes out
theres a male actor that you have many scenes with
now.... the male actor's face is cut out...
but there are still many scenes with you touching him, holding him, kissing him, and vice versa
and when the speaking part comes on
that male actor is supposed to be the male part if that makes sense
that male actor is
drum roll plS
JAKE
when ppl read the credits of the song and music video
they can't help but notice "jake sim"
and when they search ur other songs and mv's
"jake sim" has never showed up...
until this song.....
interesting....
ur fans do a lil detective work
and this jake sim guy doesn't have any involvement in the music or acting industry....
so why is he in ur song AND music video....
hmmmm
they can't find any ig account linked to him
except one that's very obscure
it has a funny username like
"@laylasdad1115" so ppl are like "oh that's probably not even him" and you weren't even following that account so they just let it go
WRONG!!1
@LAYLASDAD1115 IS JAKE
and although you're not following that account on ig
when ppl scroll down to your very very old posts
they see something
very
very
very
miniscule
but
very
very
very
crucial
a post of you and a golden labrador.... and the caption says "i love you layla"
layla... laylasdad1115
and THEN BOOM
NEW SONG COMES OUT
AND AT THE BEGINNING
YOU SAY
"jakey, kiss me!"
OH MY GOD
WHO IS JAKE SIM!!!!!!
"@laylasdad1115 u better watch out...."
"who do you think u are jake sim..."
and then you have a concert
and its not a massive stadium, it's very casual
and there's a part of the concert where you just answer questions that ur fans have and just hang out w them
and someone asks as a joke
"who's jakey in ur song btw?"
and with the most straight face
ur just like
"oh he's my boyfriend!" and then you point to the front row and ur like "he's actually here tonight, say hi baby!"
and jake is so enthusiastic abt it, hes like "hi guys!"
while everyone else in the room is like
WHAT.
the way ygs are so casual abt it is so appalling
"[NAME] YOU CAN'T JUST CASUALLY DROP THAT U HAVE A BF I THOUGHT WE WERE GETTING MARRIED"
"she's taken..... i'm gonna die.... "
LMAAOAOAO
it's known in ur fandom now that ur bf is jake sim or wtv
i don't think anyone even calls him jake
out of pure disrespect (😭) they call him by his instagram username
"laylasdad1115 might be dating [name] but i'm legally bound to her so who's really winning"
when jake shows up to your concerts i do think your fans joke w him like
"ouuu jake ur so lucky [name] is here or i'd give you a black eye"
FREE HIMMMM
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sunghoon ☆
three words: your personal bodyguard
you're an actress cutie
and it's award show season
at all of your award shows ppl notice there's this tall brooding figure looming over you
ITS SUNGHOON LMAO
he's like
GLARING AT EVERYONE
HE KEEPS SQUARING UP RANDOM PPL 😭😭😭
ik this might be a crazy crossover but the moment he spots ryan gosling he's so ready to throw fists
"okay barbie boy you look like you want a broken nose"
sunghoon is very protective of you
obv bc the film industry is lowk kinda sus and exploitative, he def watches out for u a lot
everyone kinda just assumes that he's ur scary bodyguard
but then paparazzi pictures come out
and hes with you
in every
single
one
"goddamn her bodyguard is passionate about his job 😭😭😭"
in fact when the annoying invasive paparazzi interviewers come to talk to you sunghoon is sending the the NASTIEST GLARES
but like it's valid bc ur literally walking to Walgreens at 9AM on a tuesday why do you need to be photographed
"hi [name] can we ask you a few questions-"
hoon literally answers for u
"No. 😐."
interviewers are so rude, theyre like "well i didn't ask you, did i... [name] can we ask you-"
sunghoon just blinks and says
"No. 😐😐😐😐😐😐😐." again
and then ygs leave
theres clips of you at the airport where sunghoon is scaring all ur fans, which makes way for you to have a cmfortable flight
i think ur fans appreciate him but theyre lowk scared
"oh god this guy does not play abt his job 😭😭"
until one day
you get playfully asked abt ur bodyguard on an ig live
and ur like "wait what that's not my bodyguard, that's my bf"
UR WHAT????
HUH????
😱😱😱
ur fans are in the trenches
"i cant hate him bc he protects [name].... but damn i wish that was me 😞😞😞"
and when they review some of the clips w you and sunghoon they see you smiling and giggling with him
"he makes her happy so ig i'll let him have her </3"
"this is the hardest sacrifice i have to make"
i lowk think sunghoon doesn't care
he FIGHTS EVERYONE
only for u ofc 😊😊😊
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maknae ver
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csuitebitches · 7 months
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How to Wake Up Early
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I always wanted to be one of those girls who would wake up early, go for a run and be super productive with their mornings. The issue is - i really love sleep. Every time i would start a routine, i would eventually fail. I would wake up to turn the alarm off, think to myself “5 mins more” and boom- it’s suddenly 8:30 am and i need to leave for work in less than 1 hour.
Two videos on YouTube really changed my mind. One was Andrew Huberman’s, and the other was Jihyo, a k-pop star.
I came across Andrew Huberman’s video about dopamine, and somehow, it helped me to understand why the difficulty waking up early is so important. Now I’m no expert of neuroscience, but let me explain to the best of my abilities.
Dopamine is essentially the build up to the reward; it is not the reward. It is the satisfaction and happiness you feel (when your body releases), after you have achieved something that was painful/ required you to struggle a bit. In order to receive this reward, you have to feel pain, because pain and satisfaction are directly related to each other. Satisfaction without pain is useless and does nothing for you essentially.
That got me wondering: for me, waking up early is difficult. It’s painful. I dont want to do it. But if I do it, its my first win of the day. It’s the first challenge I have overcome of that day, and I always do feel amazing after. The dopamine release after the struggle of waking up and winning the battle of not going back to sleep is definitely there. I feel more confident because a) I have done the “right” thing b) selfishly, i can do something so simple that a lot of people struggle with c) it weirdly makes me feel more confident and like I’m doing the first step of being an adult right.
Jihyo’s video was quite random - she did some show where it shows her daily life when she’s not working. Parts of it made me feel like she’s unable to just relax with herself (probably because her body and mind are so used to chaos, performing, her girl group living together for so many years) so she busies herself a lot. I took the positives from the video; she’s extremely disciplined which I admired, she gets her chores done, she’s good at ensuring that her space is truly her space.
So I decided to build a relatively foolproof routine; but mind you, it does require quite a bit of willpower.
I’ve developed a habit of waking of waking up at 5 am. I head straight for a 30-45 minute meditation and then at least an hour long workout. I stack my habits that way; right after meditation, I put on my running shoes. I used to really struggle with waking up, even if I had to wake up late. This is the strategy that worked me, see if it works for you.
1. Reset your space the night before
This makes you feel less stressed in the morning and also genuinely makes you feel like you have your shit together. Put your clothes away, keep your bag in its place, clean up your desk, reorganise your make up and skin care products. You’re going to go to sleep and wake up to a clean space.
Make sure you define both your bedtime and wake up time. My bedtime is 9:30 pm - so i manage my chores, reading, dinner, everything around that.
2. Early dinner
I’ve noticed that early dinners help me sleep better. I’ve built the habit of casually walking for 25-30 minutes post dinner (not right after eating, after about 15 mins). I’m not walking fast to a point where I’m sweating and puffing, I’m casually strolling outside. During this time, I don’t listen to music, interact with anyone or my phone. I use this time to connect with myself and think about whatever I feel like.
3. No devices before sleeping
I don’t want to stimulate myself before sleeping, so I prefer reading before bed. If you don’t like reading, you can instead do your skincare, maybe revise some physical study notes, etc.
4. Using Alarmy app
This app is torture and I swear by it. This little thing makes you a solve a challenge of your choice in order to make the alarm stop, like math problems, puzzles, etc. I chose 5 math problems.
5. Keep your phone across the room
Don’t charge it near your reach. Keep it as away from you as possible.
6. Stand for two minutes after shutting off the alarm
Don’t allow yourself to snooze, or go back to bed. This is the part that really requires you to tell yourself: “i am not going back to sleep. I’m going to wake up and do the things I have to do for my own benefit.” Remember - the states of heaven and hell are not outside of you, they’re inside you. They are mental states. You have to fight with your lazy demon and tell him/her/whoever that NO; we are NOT going back to bed.
I charge my phone across the room so that forces me to walk first thing in the morning. To stop myself from going back to sleep, after i have shut the alarm off, i just stand for 2 minutes. I dont sit, or go back to bed. I stand and tell myself, we’re doing this. We’re going to wake up and have an amazing day.
Your mind is like a child with tantrums and mood swings. Your rational self has to discipline your mind the way a parent would to a child.
7. Turn a small light on
Not something that is jarring or overwhelming, but enough to help you start waking up. I turn my phone’s flashlight on and keep it on my desk.
8. Be consistent, even on weekends
The biggest mistake you can make is not being consistent. Your body doesnt recognise weekends, your mind does. Your body doesn’t know that tomorrow is Monday, so its time to wake up early. By staying consistent (yes, I wake up at 5 am on weekends too), it allows my body to develop its own body clock and not wrecking the system I’ve kept in place.
What do I do if I have a late night?
It really depends. Let’s say I come home relatively early (+2 hours around my bedtime) around 11 pm, and im in bed by 11:30. I’ll wake up somewhere close to 5 am, like 6 am instead. The next day I ensure I’m in bed by the bedtime I’ve kept for myself and wake up at 5 am again.
If I come home really late, like 3 am - i keep my alarm exactly 8 hours from that time. I need to get sleep, but oversleeping is an issue and that wont allow me to wake up early the next day. I want to get enough sleep where im rested for the day, but not excessively. Unfortunately, sleeping so late would definitely mean that i wont be able to fall asleep at my dot 9:30 pm bedtime, but i turn the lights off and get ready to sleep by then anyway, and mentally prepare for my 5 am wake up call.
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alonetimelover · 10 months
Text
pairing: harry styles x polish!reader (fem, she/her)
summary: harry plays a show where one of the most important people in his life attends - his fiancée's granny.
submitted by @otaktomotyl, thank you and i hope you'll enjoy reading it as much as i did writing it!
a/n: i found polish translations on the internet, i hope they're okay.
masterlist ask, comment, come say hi!
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harryupdates
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liked by harrysmoustache, harryshoee and 37 201 others
harryupdates HARRY landed in Warsaw. I repeat, HARRY landed in Warsaw.
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harrysmoustache and he's holding yn's hat???
harryshoee yn and harry can finally reunite... 🥹
harrysfan92 do you see his arms???? he looks like a Greek god, god damn
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harrysmoustache
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liked by harryupdates, stylesbabie and 12 301 others
harrysmoustache HAARY AT YN'S COUSIN WEDDING!!!!
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harryupdates you're so fast with those updates, lyla. im gonna lose my job...
stylesbabie yn be aware, he looks good enough to be THE groom. keep him close
⤷ harryslipstick i think that ring on her finger is saying more than anything
harrysmybestie guys, you know we are so close to see HIM at HIS OWN wedding...
⤷ harrysmylife don't
⤷ harrysmoustache why would you say that?!
⤷ outofstyles am i the only one awaiting that day impatiently??? i wanna see him being all nervous and loving and all of the emotions that people feel at the weddings
stylesislife only harry styles could come to my wedding wearing a tanktop that he also wears to his shows
⤷ hArrysbtch the only man i could forgive AND compliment on looking so fucking good
stylesbabie yn's cousin posted a photo from the ceremony, and you can see yn and harry being all snuggle and touchy 😭😭😭 i love them so much
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"What do you mean you're not coming up on stage? Harry, my love, what changed during the last two hours?" YN asked into her phone, anxious Harry being on the other side, soundly biting his nails. "And stop biting your nails, you've got a very nice colour on them."
"Is babcia (granny) here?"
"Mum texted they're close to the gate. Jeff, was kind enough to go there and pick them up so they wouldn't get in any trouble."
"Good, good, good. can- can you come backstage? I think I'd like some ted talk before the show," he said quietly, smile growing on his face. "And some kisses, too."
"Give me 10 minutes, I'll find that kind guard and ask him to guide me. I can't remember when to turn right."
"I'll wait for you. I love you."
"I love you."
Harry got up from the couch and started pacing from one wall to the other. His hands were trembling, getting sweaty. He couldn't remember when was the last time he felt this nervous before start of the show. Not wembley or Slane Castle were as nerve wrecking as Warsaw. He knew it perfectly that it wasn't because of the city or the country. Well, it partially was.
It was YN's home show. But also her whole family was just outside the gates or already walking down the hallways to get to their seats (VIP of course, besides YN's younger cousins that wanted the front row, barricade experiance). And probably the most important guests for Harry - YN's grandparents, especially her granny. A sweet 92-year-old lady that started learning english and using an iPhone to be able to talk and contact Harry. A lady who bought his heart with sweet butter biscuits that no one could replicate. A lady that listened and then learned his whole three albums for this day - the day she would finally see him play live.
So he was terrified to disappoint her.
"What if i mess up the lyrics?" he asked YN when she finally came to the greenroom, he had been pacing in.
"Then she will sing it to you."
"But what if she won't like hearing me live? I mean, it's- it's a possibility. What? Why are you giggling. I'm really stressed here, my darling."
"I'm so sorry." She kissed the crown of his head. "It's just that you're afraid of impossibility. There is no way she would laugh at you or be disappointed in you." YN stroke his hair, gently massaging it, bringing Harry peace.
"You sure?"
"I've never been more sure in my life."
"She'll like it." Harry reassured himself aloud.
"Yes, she will. Not only she loves you like her own grandchild, she's also nervous. This morning she facetimed me to help her pick up an outfit. She bought quite a few things after she saw some pictures of your fans on the internet." She laughed, finding it quite adorable.
"Did she?" Harry lifted his head from yn's lap. "Oh, bless her."
They spent the next few minutes in silence, letting Harry's heart to calm down and steady its pace.
"Wait, did you say that you've never been more sure about something in your life?" Harry eventually broke the silence.
"Yes?"
"So, you had doubts when I asked you to marry me?"
"Oh god."
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harryloveontour
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harryloveontour first look at harry at tonight's show in warsaw! it wasn't even the first minute, and he was already seen sending kisses towards yn!
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harrysmylife and it was not only for yn!!! her whole family is with her. even her grandparents.
⤷ stylesbabie omg, they must love him soooo so much
ynandhmyparents they are the sweetest couple i've ever seen, like ever
harrysmoustache is anybody live??? i need to experience this show, i have tissues ready
⤷ hArrysbtch hslotwarsaw is live and it's in such a good quality
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hslotwarsaw
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hslotwarsaw this is harry's reaction to seeing yn dancing with one of the fans during adore you!!!
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harryupdates omg, his reaction was priceless!!!!
hArrysbtch the way this man said "back off, my friend. she is taken. ring and all. no, no, no." he wa ready to jump from that stage to stop that man from hugging yn!
⤷ stylesbabie i mean, did that guy asked yn if that was okay?
⤷ lovingharry he did, you could see it on the videos that people already posted
harrysmoustache he's like "excuse me, man. that is my fiancée. MY fiancée."
harrysmylife oh, this concert just started and i know it's gonna be the best of all times
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lately you've been on my mind
honey, ah ah ah
The whole stadium was singing back to him. He could describe the feeling it awoke in him each time. It was similar but never the same. Especially today, everything seemed to touch him deeper, better, and clearer.
"Someone's stealing your girl, Styles"
Harry heard someone in his earpiece, making him stop singing. He played it cool by putting the mic towards the audience simultaneously looking for YN.
It didn't take him long. She was right where she promised to be. The space designed specifically for her family, not enclosed but clearly separated from the main audience. There she was dancing and laughing with some middle-aged guy.
Harry was a jealous person in nature. In particular when it came to his partners. He wasn't proud of it, and he definitely didn't have any way to believe that YN would sprint after every Tom, Dick and Harry. Every day she showed him how in love she was, there could be no way.
But here he was. Jaw clenched, not singing and glaring towards his fiancée.
"Harry, everything alright?" Again the voice in his earpiece.
YN stopped dancing, feeling that unmistakable eyes almost glued to her. Oh, it didn't look good.
"How you doin' Warsaw?!" Harry finally screamed into the microphone. The squeals, screems and whistles gave him all he wanted - distraction.
And when YN smiled at him so lovingly and sweetly, it was enough to carry him till this moment.
"Your sign says 'help me shoot my shot'. Is this person with you?" Harry asked the fan who was holding the very neat and colourful sign. Somehow he didn't recognise him from just a minutes ago.
"She's here."
"Wow! Your voice is so loud, man. But how do you want me to help you when she's here. She's next to you somewhere?"
And then if it would have been possible, Harry's jaw would touch the floor. That guy shamelessly pointed towards YN. Now he remembered.
People screamed so loudly, because everything was shown on the biggest screen behind the stage.
"Well, back off, my friend. She is taken. Ring and all. No, no, no." Harry tried to play it cool by laughing at the end. "And, as far as I'm concerned, we're not lookin' for the third one in the relationship."
Now the stadium was laughing along with the long 'ouuuu'.
"How did you know you'd be close to YN, anyway?"
"Manifesting."
"Manifesting?" Harry repeated so everyone could know the answer. "Well, you're doing it right, so I suggest betting or playing lottery. And, to be honest most importantly," he pressed. "Not stealing someone else's future wife!"
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harryupdates
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harryupdates harry introducing yn's grandmother at tonight's show.
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hArrysbtch she is the sweetest lady, my god. i love her even though i don't know her 🥹
harrysmoustache "this show is very special to me. here are my future parents in law as well as grandparents. hello, hi!" i still can't comprehend harry being engaged...
harrysmylife "granny, how are you doing? do you need anything? no? you're good? excellent! that's what I wanted to hear. please give it up for granny!" and the way he started clapping both of his hands and the whistling???? and then speaking in polish i think???
⤷ polisharry Yes! He said 'dziękuję, babcia że tu jesteś' which means 'thank you granny for being here
harryfan82 this show is sooo good
outofstyles did anybody see harry constantly looking towards that area, where yn's whole family is?
⤷ harrysmoustache absolutely! i can't imagine how nervous he is, considering it's the first (at least that we know of) time he sings in front of them
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hArrysbtch
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hArrysbtch HE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO PLAY MEDICINE BUT THE BAND STARTED IT WITHOUT HIS KNOWLEDGE. I CANT. HES REACTION IS PRICELESS. HES TERRIFIED.
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harryupdates he didn't even started it on cue, thank god the audience was so pumped up for it and sang it!
harrysmoustache "no no no no no. we weren't supposed to play it. sarah!" the fear and confusion in his voice was everything. they got him good.
outofstyles "you're gonna pay for it. all of you." this is so funny
stylesbabie the funniest thing is how when he started singing it, he was all touchy and sexy. it was like he forgot about the problem in the moment...
godstyles "granny's terrified" HARRY YOU DIDN'T PUT THE MICROPHONE DOWN, MAN
⤷ harrysmoustache but they showed granny being all smiley during medicine. i think she enjoyed it just like any other song!
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harryupdates
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harryupdates harry smiling while talking to yn's little cousin (yn was translating everything to her and then to harry). she then opened as it was with "harry, I wanna say goodnight to you"
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hArrysbtch i hate kids but that baby was so cute i wish i could squish her cheeks
harrysmoustache he was all smiles and gentle eyes while talking to her, he loves this family so much
styleslove i love when people are so open with their feelings for their partner's family
harrysfan081 so cute
stylesbabie give this man a child already
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hslotwarsaw
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hslotwarsaw harry after splashing water at yn and her family at the end of the show!
and with this photo, we're ending our 'photo-stream'. thank you all for helping us prepare all of the fan projects and thank you for welcoming harry so warmly in our country! till the next time!
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harryupdates you did amazing job!
hArrysbtch yn's granny got so happy at the moment harry decided to threaten her with a bottle
stylesbabie granny had a water gun and threatened harry back with it!!!!! it was soo cute, he run away laughing
harrysfan88 best show so far
harrysmylife "this one of the loudest show i can remember. and i know why. my fiancée's whole family is here. and believe me, they can make so much noise it's impressive!" my friend stood next ro them and confirmed, they were so loud during the whole set list!!
harryshands i can't imagine better way for harry to cope with this amount of pressure. he delivered one of the best performances in his life - sound and entertain wise. truly amazing
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"Harry, my sweet boy."
Harry turned 180° from the conversation he was having with Jeff to see the face of the lady with the heavy accent he knew so well.
"Babcia! (granny)" he exclaimed, jogging towards her and ambracing in a tight hug. "How I've missed you."
"You saw me yesterday, you."
"I know." He pulled away, still having his arm around granny. "But it's already been almost 24 hours. A long time, don't you think?"
Granny shook her head with a smile and placed her head on Harry's chest. She was rather exhausted from all the lights, noise, dancing and standing up for almost three hours.
"You wanna sit down, granny?" YN asked, squeezing her grandmothers arm in a way showing her she was nearby.
"Oh, yes. My legs aren't 20 years old as much as I would like them to be."
The three of them sat down on the green couch and talked about the show. Granny was impressed with all the fans having the time of their life, but specifically the ones that seemed to take in the show on their own terms.
"There were those two girls just hugging the whole time and singing softly all the songs. It was so lovely," granny explained.
"It's funny how they were two of very little to not use their phone during the show," commented someone in the room.
And before harry got the chance to defend people taking photos and recording, granny sat up straight.
"Well, in the 60s, my father took me to see The Beetles and I wish i had a camera then. It was such a magical moment that I would want it to be not only engraved in my mind but also on paper. I took so many photos of you, Harry. I need you to print them so I can show them to my friends on the next bingo evening."
YN nodded her head with a smile, not only planning to print the photos but putting the whole concert that harry recorded on the CD. Granny loved watching that type of thing on her telly.
"Harry," granny spoke up after a few moments. "I do have a question however."
"Ask away, granny."
"That song, medicine. What is it about?"
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alistairsmonstercafe · 4 months
Text
NSFW How to Gain the trust of a Dragon in the Dragons Den, Guide 02
PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART ?
NOTICE; TOP/SWITCH Male Hybrid Reader
CHARACTER; BOTTOM/SUB Price, BOTTOM/SWITCH Soap,
CW; Threesome, slight choking? Hella horny dragon, body worship, praise, face sitting, fingering, ass eating, cock suckin' shit like that.
ADDITIONAL; I don't mind Fem/Fem aligned readers reading but don't feel insulted/complain that I strictly don't do Fem reader, not my cuppa tea mate.
INSPIRATION; @/Bluegiragi Monster AU on Twt and Tumblr & @/thegnomelord for the scale idea on tumblr.
NOTE; Accidentally posted the draft... | This will be a mini series staring our favorite little hybrids. Part ? Will be a poll of a repeat character or a non 141 character.
As Price paced outside the office, the temptation to peek behind that imposing door grew stronger. His hybrid instincts nudged him toward curiosity, but his rationality warned against it. He wasn't your mate. Not Soap's either. He'd be a prick if he suddenly barged in purely because he was a horny dragon, he hasn't felt the urge for a proper mate for years, but it was uncommon for species to crossbreed, or to even have packs, or other mates then one that weren't of the same species.
Yet, there was something magnetic about the possibility—a pull he couldn't quite resist. The thought flickered in his mind like a distant flame, leaving him torn between his innate curiosity and the risk.
And despite the gentle reach of his claw near the door, he didn't. He was old. Older then most of you, who would dare date a dragon of his age? Even people of his kind preferred dragons who could keep up with them, not groan at a sudden back pain or a weak knee. Nor the crowfeet on his eyes, signs of age in his face. His body was not as strong as in his younger days, and well, his stomach. It had a lot more pudge to it, something he'd never openly admit.
The following day, despite his position as captain, Price found himself stealing more glances at you and Soap, your little cuddles during lunch, or the way your tails intertwined. The soft cooing and purrs left to each other left him with want, tugging at the fringes of his thoughts. He couldn't shake off the inexplicable allure it held, even though he knew his authority wouldn't grant him it.
As he maneuvered through his duties, his mind kept circling back to you. He questioned his own reluctance to simply talk to you, push the conversation open. It wasn't about rules or permissions; it was a deeper, primal restraint holding him back, a fear of the unknown that clashed with his innate curiosity.
Yet, when he came back to his desk later that evening, he saw a small pile of, to what to most, would seem as mindless trinkets, was actually an abundance of jewels, some of his favorite coffee, tea, and a make shift.. Scale? No. That wouldn't make sense. He could recognize it as yours and Soap's fur. In the shape of a scale.
Were you lads trying to court him? A deep rumble erupted from his chest as he gently held up the item to his nose, his wings relaxing at the mixed scent. The scent of a mate, his instincts whispered. And he couldn't help but agree.
Tucking away the items he placed them in a small box on his shelf full of items he hoarded before. He couldn't have a huge hoard, so he did what he could. And turned the scale shaped fur, into a necklace he could wear on his chest. Closest to his heart. For he knew they had won it already.
It was the next day where you and Soap were idly chatting, he sat down infront of you, and slid over a scale cut perfectly down the middle for you two. You both easily looked up in shock, mouths open. "Wha- Cap'n- Does this mean-" Soap sputtered, and you were still quiet with your jaw still wide open.
"It does. Means it quite bloody clearly, Soap." He replies almost shyly, his firm voice is softened with love and affection as he smiles. Those beautiful crow lines appear once more and the sight of both of your tails swaying happily is a tell-tale sign hes done the right choice.
He's quick to get back up, walking to the door before stopping and turning back to say; "My room, at nine exactly. Alright?"
You're both quick to say yes and despite his cool demeanor as he leaves, Price feels hard as a rock as the first blooms of heat start back in his stomach. A feeling he hasn't felt in ages, but that can wait for later tonight. He wouldn't be a captain without all that self-discipline, after all.
So its when Price comes to the dark of his room, a little worn out, he surprised to suddenly see a nest, and you and Soap sitting on his bed with only the moon light to illuminate your features. And coo he does because he melts at the sight that you both waited for him.
You're the first to pull him in with a grin, your tail wrapping around his waist as you and Soap are quick to strip him down until hes left in a shirt and boxers. But hes quick to push you down onto your back in the nest as he sits on your lap, Soap he behind Price, kissing down his back as his tail wags.
But as you look up at Price, he looks like a beauty, and your hand gently traces down from his chin, to his toned yet supple and beautifuy scared chest, to his stomach, caressing the pudge as you whisper praise. And it. Makes Prices face burn with pride at the fact someone accepts him and his appearance, something he didn't think he'd be self conscious on.
Soap continues quick and sloppy kisses up his back, leaving soft nips and bites on him, leaving it mostly betweem you and Price. He loves both of you but you had both discussed the idea before. You wanted to pamper Price, and make him feel higher then cloud 9.
And you did, each kiss, and bite, began to switch as Price was switched around by Soap. And you easily pulled Price's hips towards you and kissed his ass, making Price groan in response. The sound cut short as Soap began to kiss him, stroking your cock in the meantime to keep you satisfied as well. It was his turn to assist.
"Fuck- Price- So fuckin' pretty for us." Soap groans out to price, and you can only agree, pressing kisses up his neck as his tail makes soft noises against the nest as it wags aggressively against it.
Price only moans a little, his hips still bucking into your mouth as your tongue is quick, and perfectly long enough to reach deep into him inside, his dragoh tail is quick to curl around your neck and slightly squeeze lovingly. The way you and Soap praise Price and his body makes him melt. Hes an old lad, scales of iron from how the world has hardened him and yet you make him so soft.
So loved.
So accepted.
He thought he was content with 141 but knowing that two of the members in it are his mates? He can only purr.
Its when Soap slides down and suck off Price whilst hes still sitting on your face does he lose it. Not knowing where to buck his hips either back and forth, and instead sways them. His claws tugging at Soaps hair and your hands wrapped tightly on his hips, bits of blood is evident from your claws but neither notice.
Its when you suddenly slide in a finger that Price goes almost limp, his tail squeezes a little tighter and his moans get louder. Damn the thin walls because tonight he knows hes going to be fucked well in his nest.
And in his eyes thats a night well spent.
Aftermath; By morning Gaz is the first of the 141 to complain. Small eyebags under his eyes as he stares at you, Soap, and Price.
"Fucked real good huh? Give me some earplugs next time alright?" He remarks, drinking some coffee, Ghost watches but said nothing. But theres something about the way his smoke slides up his arm at the words 'fucked', before sliding back down, gives you slight curiosity.
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sykestarot · 6 months
Text
what attracts people to you?
1-2-3 (left to right)
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I do not own any of these images
Hi guys I'm back for this weeks reading! Thanks so much for all the love on the other post it really means a lot! I hope these messages resonate as well. Thanks for stopping by yet again! :)
Pile 1
"Just wondering when you said I'm beautiful, was I being lied to?"
(2 of swords (rx); ace of cups; 5 of swords; 4 of swords (rx); queen of pentacles; 2 of cups (rx)) I’m feeling for you pile one that you don’t believe that you’re attractive at all, energetically or physically. Like people would always prefer someone else other than you. Quite literally how the song title is opposite, you believe people are only attracted to the types of people who are opposite of you. Which is so obviously not true because so many people are attracted to you. I don’t know if you think more people value stability over spontaneity. But your cards imply that you are a free spirit and people love that about you. Not only are you a free spirit but you also are hard working. You aren’t one of those people that says they're a free spirit as an excuse to do nothing. I’m feeling that you carry this abundant energy of like “I want it, I got it”. And people just want to stay in that energy. You also have a resilience that people see and it makes them admire you but also want to learn from you. Your energy is truly so beautiful. I see that you might have long hair with beautiful waves to it. Perhaps you’re tan or have a darker complexion. You’re the type of person who loves doing hikes and smelling the fresh air outside. I also see beaches and a boho style to you. Lots of whites and vibrant blues as well. Perhaps you’re Greek or some type of southern European. I see that you also have doe eyes and people find them to be mesmerizing. As well as your smile. I don't know why you don’t think you’re attractive because the vibes I'm getting are that you’re a stunner!! I hope one day you can learn to appreciate the qualities in yourself that others see!  Signs : Athens, Greece, kitties, pasta, the smell of pine orange and vanilla, woven hats, big sunglasses, kites, hang gliders?, laughs, melted ice cream, strawberry scents, lip gloss, glitter, flamingos, Sagittarius
Pile 2
"She's got a halo around her finger around you" (The world; 5 of swords (rx); the high priestess; knight of pentacles (rx); 9 of wands (rx); the hierophant) Pile two you are my pile that knows people are attracted to you and use it to your advantage. Which is so real of you but also so slay. And this is not to say that you use your beauty to gain things in a negative way. It’s more like you know the cards that you were dealt and you’d be damned if you didn't use them. I feel like this is my Scorpio pile. Something about you is mysterious and that entices people to want to get to know you better. I feel like you are like a real life siren. The way you speak or the tone of your voice ensares people and draws them right to you. You also have a fated energy or destiny really plays a role in your life. To the point where people want to be in your life because they think they might be able to get some of whatever you have. You might also be witchy and cast spells or work with guides to make things go your way in life. You co create with spirit for sure. I feel like you guys have a contrasting appearance, like pale skin dark hair, or darker skin and lighter hair. I feel like your eyes are piercing like they are hunting prey and people love feeling like they are hunted by you. I see you being very chiseled whether that’s in the body or the face. You have a striking appearance for sure. The kind that people do double takes on the street. You might get a lot of losers who want to talk to you because your energy and appearance are so intoxicating. I also feel like you’re overall just very bold. Perhaps Aries as well? I also feel like anything said in this reading you already know about yourself lol. Signs : Osprey; Seahawks (football); Megan Fox; vampires; red lisp; metal; silver; motorcycles; the twilight saga?; Jennifer’s Body; clubbing; latex; Washington State; black hair; blue eyes
Pile 3
"I know she's gonna break my heart"
(8 of cups; 7 of wands (rx); page of pentacles; the moon; the hanged man (rx); the lovers) You, my pile three, are the heartbreaker, soul stealer, sad girl pile. People are attracted to you because people want to fix you, not necessarily that you need to be fixed to be honest. It’s more in the sense that you don’t care about them more than you care about yourself. It’s like they want to teach how to love or be the one that changes you. Which to me is so funny because it’s not that you don’t know how to love it’s that you don’t love them lmfao. You don’t entertain many suitors or people in general and so when you do give people your energy it’s special. However with how selective you are it makes people want to know more about your inner world. But you come off so nonchalant that people want to get a reaction out of you. You have the potential to feed people’s hero/savior complex if you actually like them back. I also feel like your sense of style is alternative or goth and that’s also what brings people to you. I’m getting retired emo’s or lil peep/suicide boy fans. Perhaps your taste in music also attracts people. I feel like you’re social media and the way you present yourself really gets people wanting to know you more. You’re very mysterious but I'm getting in more of an Aquarius or Pisces way. I feel like you like having dramatic makeup on or you have a very out there style. I keep seeing, like cyber goth or emo. I’m not super well versed in those genres of style so I hope you get it lol. Maybe you have lip rings or eyebrow piercings. Anyways you’re very unique and that’s what attracts people to you. I also feel like you’re always doing cool and new stuff and people are attracted to you because you’re a trendsetter in a lot of ways. Maybe you have a following on a social media platform? Idk I feel like people watch you via the internet. Signs: anime; jjk; tik tok; silver metals; lip biting; rilakuma; pastel pinks; black; stripes; oversized sweaters; skirts and thigh highs; leg warmers; big chunky shoes; platform boots; johnny guilbert?; music holds importance here
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rin-and-jade · 3 months
Text
Are You? What about You? Them? : A Post about Differentiating Types of Parts.
We all know that spiderman meme where they pointed to each other because they share similar qualities that confuses their selves;
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Like this. Right?
They all sounded so similar that we neither knew which is which at first glance..
And so, at the end of this post you will be confident in pointing out who is who, just like a spiderman who can tell apart from its own multiverse friends, that is. So let's get pointing to the smaller details!
How it works..
We know what it's like to be conscious, yeah? What if i were to tell you that yes, there are varying degrees of consciousness, and that we all can fluctuate on those levels too?
The levels of consciousness can vary from only being aware of its physical surroundings and react instinctually (lesser level), to being able to self-introspect and understand what they like and dislike (higher level). This is all dependent on many different factors and i want to clarify that it takes more than just 'awareness' to tell a fragment apart from an alter for example. But, still important to know what level its at.
This explains why shards, and fragments are less flexible when facing an issue, as they're more limited or not as equipped as an alter in terms of reasoning or level of logic/knowledge. So why is that? It can be from the intensity of dissociation, and other things like how much implicit and explicit memories it retains, this includes experiences.
How to tell them apart..
Sure, theres a spectrum to this too, as every type of part can be a bit different though still can categorized loosely, not meaning it has to fit perfectly to the box :
1. No sense of identity and, or tangible form/shape outside of performing a specific task, or hold a single memory/mood. (Shard)
2. Small sense of identity (a trait that is distinctive/distinguishable), possibly have a less blurry appearance than level 1 and still performs specific tasks, have little to no memories/range of emotions. (Shard)  
3. Mish mash of small qualities, but not enough to encapsulate an identity/personality, may have a sense of existing, and can emotionally react to environment/situation. Usually have a defined innerworld form, and may retain some memories but depends on origin, still fixed on role. (Fragment)
4. Has a developed dominant facet, which can be seen more lively and autonomous compared from level 1-3,, but still a bit rigid and have a narrow/limited view in general. Can distinguish and identify feelings, and have goals/hobbies/interests, self curiosity/exploration to function outside role. (Fragment, leaning to alter)  
5. Has a multifaceted personality in which it cannot defined by one word, fully knows its likes and dislikes, long term goals, morals, and a complex view on life. May have developed purpose outside role job, pursuing self-fulfillment. (Alter)
So in conclusion, shards are not wholly self aware and rely on current implicit memories, from my own system experience shards feels so blank, lifeless, somewhat robotic. Fragments have a partial sense of autonomy, it can rationalize and react to its own accord, reason, and learn/explore,, though had not fully know who they are. Alters are like any other usual people, where it has accumulated knowledge and experience that had shaped then throughout existing, reinforcing a faceted sense of self and purpose.
Growth to perfection..
Are you also wondering if shards and fragments can grow to an alter? The answer is, yes! Though some can be stuck in a certain stage, which is nothing to be ashamed about, and doesn't need changing.
Though, this takes a really long time and process, i note my own fragments will reach to a stage where it barely matches the loose category of an alter in 6 months, and to be a fully developed alter, it might need a whole year (okay this is my own calculations, other people will have it slower or faster).
To grow a shard towards a fragment category, my theory is that you have to interact with, and let them immerse/exprience the real world by supervision (outside of its role task) to develop more environmental, and self awareness. They will be very limited in terms of knowledge and names so this is a good time to start introducing these, and they may not even realize they exists themselves before sometimes,, try nudging them activities to experiment, and foods to taste, examine emotion wheel.. theres a lot to start from.
To grow a fragment to an alter, start introducing other views and complex topics, the goal here is to create a more developed understanding of life. From my experience, all my fragments have a dominant facet, e.g. angry dog vibes; and slowly let them learn how to be soft, or act more polite,, it will slowly solidify as a new facet, now capable of being kind and not always behaving threatening/i-will-still-bite-you attitude to every situation, as it now can be more flexible which facet it should use depending on situation.
Last words..
So, you are now an educated spiderman who can not only point out, but understand the basics of why,, and how to grow a part to have a better sense of awareness!
Let me know in the comments, i would like to hear why the part you had specifically picked/chose is possibly a shard/fragment/alter from your own reasoning and interactive mini discussion with me,, lets finally put them into real practice yeah?
Also, Happy Valentines, *offers you a free heart chocolate*
- j, your educational fiancée
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yamujiburo · 4 months
Note
1. You are INCREDIBLY patient when replying to asks. You always politely link them to your FAQ or to your master post. For the bad faith asks, you always are kind in your responses. I wanted to give you kudos. Even though you are well within your right to ignore/skip these asks, you still put thought into your responses. I'm giving you some kind words because I just KNOW it would be draining getting the same messages all the time.
2. I'm a fat person, and I've got a whole host of body issues, but your Jessie really helps with my self confidence. She still sees herself as sexy, and Delia still sees her as sexy (probably sexier lol). I also loved your logic behind the character design: sometimes healing and stability bring weight gain. That in itself has made me feel a bit better about myself. Not trying to treat you as a therapist. I just want you to know the impact your Jessie can have. It's so rare that we see fat characters in a positive light! I do hate how many people have a problem with your design though. :(
3. Aroace James also makes me feel seen. I am coming to terms with the fact I may be aroace myself, and it's been hard. I've always loved James, and I'm grateful you've spun him into a character I can relate to. I'm always all over your blog looking for more James crumbs lol.
I appreciate it! I like to assume the best in people and always answer in good faith. While I wasn’t super vocal at the time, I’ve had my fair share of bad takes on the internet and I feel like those who responded to me with patience and understanding had a longer lasting impression on me and led me to change my mind later. Gave me much to think about. Not everyone’s entitled to that patience but I think there is merit to handling things with kindness sometimes. You never know who’s on the other side of the screen and what they’re saying could just be out of genuine ignorance. Sometimes someone putting it in a gentle way is just the push you need. A lot of the time, I think people just want to be heard and are also willing to listen if they don’t feel immediately shut down.
I’m glad you think so! I love seeing fat characters and I love seeing fat characters who love themselves. Fat is beautiful, fat is cute, fat is hot
Hahaha I should do more with him! Aroace James makes a lot of sense to me given his background. I try not to write ABOUT the experiences of identities outside of my own but I think it’s important to at least show it!
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imaginesmai · 7 months
Text
Right around the corner - Azriel (5)
AHHHHH this is the final part and let me tell you I'm SAD. It was so hard to write the ending you all deserve after all this love, so I tried my best. Let me know what you think! Also, you deserve A LOT, so I made it long hehehe. Don't worry, a request about the RATH universe is coming soon! If you want one too, drop it in my inbox!
(1), (2), (3), (4)
Plot: The story of how Azriel fixed what was broken, and how you forgave him.
Warnings: this is sad, but has a happy ending! Also, mental health issues.
No one expected the sidra to froze that year, and against everyone expectation, one day Velaris had woken up to see the riven covered by a silver layer. Children had missed school to skate in the solid surface, parents watching carefully from the edge. Some couples were skating too, holding hands and giggling endlessly.
You had been watching the new scene unfold all morning. And while you usually loved snow and ice as much as any child in town, you were starting to get a little sick of all the noise.
It wasn’t your new employee situation, who had been staring at the river all morning. She had already finished her duties, but always the polite and nice girl, Elain Archeron was keeping you company.
When you spotted for the third time the familiar red-head through the glass and she didn’t say anything, just sighed, you decided you had enough.
“You should tell him to get in before he freezes to death” you commented, still busy with measuring the ingredients.
“Oh, no” Elain blushed and looked away from the window. “No. He’s just… He can wait”
“He can, but doesn’t have to. You and Lucien should head out, rent ice skates and have a fun day. You already finished here” you smiled kindly at her, and before she could reply, you added. “I’m fine, I don’t even like cold weather. And I still need to finish this, which you can’t help me with. So, go”
Elain stared at you with uncertainty, and you tried to look as convinced as possible. Would you have liked her to stay? After all, she was one of the few people you socialized with these days. She had turned in when you opened the bakery again, right after you posted the sign about looking for a new partner.
And even if you had had your doubts when you discovered she was Feyre’s sister and Azriel’s friend, you considered her your own friend.
So, yeah, you would have liked her to stay. Because you were still awfully sad all the time, and her company was one of the few things that made your day better. But you being sad didn’t excuse her missing a wonderful day with her mate.
“It’s not closing time yet” her eyes danced between the glass and you. “He was supposed to wait for me at the house”
“Guess he’s too eager to see you. He’s been dancing around the bakery for a good hour” you chuckled. “Elain, I mean it. Go. Have fun. I’ll see you on Monday”
“Y/N, I promise I don’t mind waiting. It’s not like it will unfreeze”
“And I promise I don’t mind at all. So, go, have fun and tell me about it on Monday” you gripped her hand softly over the counter, nodding to the waiting mal outside. “Come on, go”
Lucien was once more outside the bakery, the only visible part of him his red hair. He was covered in thick layers, but still managed to smile when Elain kissed your cheek and took her coat on the way out.
You didn’t have it in you to watch them be affectionate with each other, so you looked down at your task and decided it would be the last of the day.
It was hard watching all those couples walking hand in hand and remembering the feel of his warm, scarred hand in yours. To hear a man laughing and remember the unexpected laughs you dragged out of him sometimes. Even looking at the river was painful, because you could almost see the ghost of Azriel and you learning how to skate in a frozen lake in the Illyrian mountains a few years ago.
You had seen Azriel around a few times now, walking through your bakery and waving at you through the glass. Two times he had been waiting at the door when it was late at night, silently walking you home from afar without talking. Almost two months had passed by and your feelings were still as messed up as before.
Though you didn’t cry as much as before, and you were starting to get better, you still wondered.
If Azriel getting help would mean your relationship would be fixed, or if it was broken permanently. Deep in your thoughts, and used as you were to Azriel’s shadows, you didn’t notice how they tugged on your apron until the door sounded again.
Elain’s name didn’t leave your lips, because as soon as the door opened, you lost your breath.  As if you had summoned him, Azriel walked through the door, beautiful as ever. He wasn’t in his usual training leather, but winter clothes that fit him as a glove. Instantly, you noticed he had lost weight. His shoulders were slumped and his body didn’t carry the usual grace of an Illyrian warrior.
“Hi”
His scarred hands, that had held you so many times and slaughtered so many enemies, were tucked in his coat’s pockets. You could feel the nervousness through the bond, the hesitance. Too stunned to answer, you only stared at him.
You had known that, eventually, he would talk to you. That you would have to do more than just wave at each other through the glass and stay silent when he sent you details through Elain. But still, you hadn’t expected it.
Unable to move, you only blinked.
“I saw Elain and Lucien heading out” he added, not looking away from you. “It’s a nice day outside”
Azriel hadn’t finished before one of his new shadows scaped his control, sneaking around the counter. The familiar ones, that had been by your side since he left, danced around the new intrusion. It lifted your apron, and crawled up your neck.
The cool feeling was the last of your worries, because no matter how much you willed yourself to say something, you couldn’t even tear your eyes from him.
The bond flickered between the two of you, once more. Knowing that it was one-sided, that he didn’t wear it like you did, made break your trance.
“She’s finished for the day” you explained, sounding way more confident that what you felt.
“It’s a nice day, yeah” he repeated, not giving you time to feel awkward before he continued “I thought that maybe you wanted to take a walk with me. It’s cold, but we could… get coffee. Or chocolate, if you want”
Azriel gave you a half, broken smile. Hearing his voice again made you take ten steps backward.
“I have things to do”
You looked down to your current task, which could be easily discarded. You had left much important things half-done because of him, and you would have done it normally without a second thoughts. But no matter how heartful the conversation at your door had been, you just knew you weren’t ready to have a conversation without getting angry.
You knew you weren’t ready to forgive him.
His new shadow gripped your wrist tightly before disappearing, and you heard Azriel’s doubt. He wanted to say something else, and you wanted too. Still, you fell back to your measuring and ignored the way your vision blurred, how your knees became weak again.
Maybe going back to your duties was the only way not to break down again.
The silence continued for a long minute. You couldn’t not feel his presence, the way his scent filled the bakery and made your stomach turn. Your heart recognized what you needed, what you wanted, and threatened to jump out of your chest.
Before you could regret your words, Azriel opened the door again.
“You’re forgetting the yeast” he said, his voice thick with emotion.
When you looked up again, he only smiled. You opened your mouth to tell him to wait, maybe to fuck off and never come again. You didn’t have time, because Azriel closed the door behind him and he was gone.
The first tear fell against the unformed dough, followed by many more. You wouldn’t be finishing the blueberry cake that afternoon, you realized, as you crunched behind the counter and cried.
-
There was a storm coming, and everyone in Velaris had had the same idea – run to the market, buy everything they needed for a few days, and crowd themselves at home with their loved ones. You were trying to follow the first part of the plan, not having anyone to go home anymore. And if that wasn’t enough reason to drag you down, the crowd was getting intense.
Velaris’ market was a beautiful place, full of shops and nice vendors. But that day, the space felt too small.
You already had a few bags with you, yet there were a few more to go. Wanting to finish as soon as possible, you had ignored the rational part of your brain and had gotten in the middle of the crowd. You had only managed to buy milk and pasta, and still had a long way to go.
After Azriel’s brief appearance, your life had been messier than before. He had come by the bakery at least five times more, always offering you some kind of plan you rejected. Going to the park, for a flight or to a coffee shop. Taking walks, watching the sunset or training together.
You lived now half-prepared to see him walking through your door again, and not having the heart to tell him no. You weren’t sure if that thought frightened or comforted you.
In your haste, you had almost forgotten to buy provisions for the storm, and had found yourself on the worst day to do them. Crowded, loud and suffocating, that was how you would describe the market at that moment.
The fact that most people ran with their children and family wasn’t helpful at all.
Most of the times, it was Azriel who did the last-minute shopping for you. He knew you didn’t like crowds, loud places, that you did best in your bakery where only five people were allowed at a time.
Another shove broke you down from your daydreaming, and you looked back to see a pregnant woman staring with her eyebrows furrowed.
“The line is moving” she spatted, pointing to the small space ahead of you. “If you don’t move with it, you should step out”
“Oh, no” you chuckled softly. You picked up the bags on the ground and took the two small steps that you were supposed to. “Sorry, I just thought I could take a little bit more space. It’s crowded here”
“I don’t mind crowds, so if you want to step back, let me get first. I’m in a hurry”
“Me too” you gave her a polite smile, mindful of her state.
The short distance that separated you from the customer on the front was certainly not enough, and she knew it. Still, she looked at you with disapproval. There were only five more people to go until it was your turn, you could buy your snacks and run to the next stall.
You thought you could ignore the glare at the back of your neck, and you did for a few minutes. Without meaning to, you thought how everything with Azriel was easier. Not only people wouldn’t dare to talk to him like that, but also, he assured you a good meter of distance between you two and the rest of the world with his wings.
The snacks on your hands almost fell when, not even two seconds after the man took three steps forward, you were shoved again.
That time, when you looked back, the woman was accompanied by her mate. His wings covered her from the people behind them.
“You should really step out of the line” she repeated. “You might have all the time in the word, but we are in a hurry”
“Me too. You can’t expect me to be glued to that man” you tried to explain, anxiety coiling in your stomach. “He just moved”
“And you didn’t, which proves my point. Besides, it’s obvious you only have a few things. We have more”
“Which should be enough reason to let me go first, not only because I was here before you” you shrugged, feeling even more uncomfortable when the male huffed a laugh. “Maybe it’s you who shouldn’t have come here today if you can’t wait in a line”
You weren’t a threat for the woman, and you were trying really hard to be polite and prove your point. Besides, being pregnant wasn’t an easy task, and you could tell she was far along. Maybe you should have let her pass, or maybe told her to fuck off.
But before you could argue further, something clicked in the male’s eyes, wide with recognition.
And you would have preferred for him to go full berserk mode on you. Because you recognized that look, you had been receiving them for a while now.
The male elbowed the woman’s side softly, pointing with his chin towards you. You didn’t have time to turn back and avoid the conversation, because he spoke.
“You’re the shadowsinger’s mate” he announced, loud enough to make a few heads turn.
“Oh” the woman finally connected the dots and lunged forward to grab your arm so tight you couldn’t shake her off. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you”
“It’s fine. Don’t worry” you pushed your arm back, trying to let go.
While the woman apologized, you couldn’t help but listen to the whispers. The same ones you had heard in your bakery and through the streets. Some of them thrown in your face by rude or nosy customers that didn’t understand the concept of privacy, others by bystanders.
At the end, it was the woman who said it out loud, confirming what everyone in the small circle that had formed at the cue was wondering about. She finally let go of your arm and crossed hers in front of her body.
The look of pity wasn’t as bad as the confirmation.
“He rejected you, right?” it wasn’t a question, not when you didn’t answer and she continued. “We heard you’ve been mated for almost a century and he doesn’t want the bond. Is that true?”
It wasn’t true, but you didn’t have the heart to correct her. Instead, you turned around and used your wing-less privileges to sneak through the crowd. You kept your head down, as if that could stop you from hearing the comments or feeling the stares.
People had come up with an alternative version where Azriel and you had been mated for decades, for centuries. Where you had cheated on him or he had changed you for someone else. You had even heard that he had bonded with another person and had kicked you out of the house, and that you had been the one rejecting the bond.
Each version was farthest from the truth than the last one, but they all hurt the same. The crowd didn’t seem to get thinner no matter how deep you got in the market. Once the people who had heard the conversation were left behind, new people crowded you, worried about the girl panicking and running through the middle of the market.
There were a few occasions where you thought you would fall, where you tripped and almost embarrassed yourself farther. You had almost made it to the back entrance of the market when you finally realized you were tripping no more. There was no longer a crowd around you, nor whispers or hands reaching your way.
It took you another few steps to fully stop and assess the situation. When you looked back to see where the crowd was, you were met with a broad chest inches away from you. Through tearful eyes, you recognized Azriel’s wings tucking you away from people, his mere presence pushing them away.
You met his hazel eyes, full of worry and regret. His hair was longer, covering his brow, but you found comfort in his crooked nose, in his freckles, that you knew so well.
You noticed in his hands your bags that had been left in the stall, a new one with the snacks you were about to buy.
“What – what are you doing here?” you choked out, too grateful for the sudden moment of peace to wonder about anything else.
“I felt you through the bond, a few hours ago. Anxious and…” he stopped himself, his eyes scanning every tear that marked your cheeks. “I was just getting here when it got worse. I heard most of it. I’m –”
“Don’t say you’re sorry” you interrupted him. “It’s not your fault”
Out of the many things that were indeed his fault, people not minding their own business wasn’t his. You were used to him blaming himself for everything, from wars in other courts to people fighting in the street. The response came naturally.
Your nose was cold and runny, your hands frozen in your pockets, and your feet hurt. Besides all of that, you felt all wrong. Because you enjoyed his presence, because what they said, and because you couldn’t help but calm down when he was close.
Azriel didn’t say anything when you took the bags from his hands, thanking him quietly. He didn’t say anything as more people walked away from him, either because of his wings or because they recognized him.
“You don’t like last minute shopping”
It was a pointless observation, but it was better than to comment on how afraid he had been when, just outside the market, he felt the bond snap with urgence. His shadows knew where you were, and that you needed him, but even he had trouble running through crowds. Azriel also couldn’t talk about how mad he had been at everyone in that stall, how his new shadows had turned off every light and almost chocked them to death.
Azriel wanted to say that you were probably cold because you didn’t like your own coats, and most of the times wore one of his. He wanted to hug you, too, to feel you between his arms after what felt like an eternity and promise you that it would end well.
But he couldn’t say anything more than the obvious.
“I had to” you answered.
With a furious fist, frustrated at life, at him and at you, you brushed the tears off your cheeks. You could tell that he wanted to keep talking, and you did too. Since your last encounter, you had come up with more conversations you should have.
You stared at each other for what seemed forever. There were details that you had almost forgotten in your sorrow – like his long lashes, that you teased him about. Or the freckle that snuck up to the corner of his left eye. The way his mouth rose higher from the right, and the small scar on his ear from where Cassian dared him to wear an earring.
Only his face was enchanting enough to help you forget about the day, about the weight of your chest. It was the first closing call from the market, that sounded through the public speakers, that broke you away.
“I should go”
“I should go”
You talked at the same time, and you smiled softly when you pointed to different directions. You didn’t miss how his eyes fell to your mouth, how his own lifted up too.
“I could walk you back” he offered, not tearing his eyes away from your mouth. “If you let me”
You didn’t answer immediately. Those last words, that he had repeated so often lately, almost had you saying yes. You could almost imagine how it would go – him walking by your side, one of his wings behind your back. His elbow brushing yours, and his gaze fixed on you.
Your smile dropped when you remembered the times you had walked just like that, tucked together. The times you had waked by yourself through Velaris with his imprint on you, and the times he had left without a trace of your presence.
Azriel knew the answer before you said it, and his shoulders dropped slightly.
“Sorry”
That time, you decided to turn away before he could. Taking the back exit was a poor choice, knowing it was farther from your house than the main one, but you couldn’t picture yourself walking through the market without Azriel keeping the crowds a step away.
So you turned around, gripped your bags tight and didn’t tear your eyes from the ground during the whole way back.
-
It wasn’t Azriel who found you the time everything changed, but you.
The cold and winter were over, the streets were clean and the sun was out. It was a perfect day to spend outside, and Elain seemed fixed in throwing you out of your own shop. She claimed that the bags under your eyes were as dark as the night, and that your skin was so pale that she couldn’t tell the flour stains apart from it.
“Just for the record, you’re kicking the owner of the bakery out of the bakery” you stated, looking at her once more from the door. “You do realize that shouldn’t happen, right?”
“I’m helping a friend come out of her ghost-like season” she replied, still decorating muffins. “And you do realize that most shops close on Sunday’s, right?”
“Certainly not a bakery” you looked to the empty fountain at her right. “If we do it together, we will – “
“If you touch one single item of this bakery, I’m banning you from the kitchen for a month”
You doubted she meant it, she could. But still, you sighed and turned around to open the door. You weren’t an extrovert, certainly not an outsider. Since you were a child, you liked your kitchen, your house, and your space. And none of those things were outside the door.
But you actually feared what the fae you left behind would do if you turned back. Elain had already hidden your apron so you couldn’t put it on, and had threatened to mismatch the soy milk with normal one.
Giving her a last, tight smile through the glass, you walked towards the center of Velaris.
Not many people were outside that soon on a Sunday morning, but you were glad for her insistence the moment the sun kissed your face. The cold weather was disappearing and you could feel warmth across your cheeks. It was still cold, and it would be for at least another week, but the change in the weather promised a happy spring.
You walked aimlessly around Velaris, stopping to watch the Sidra move every now and then. Your feet carried you through unfamiliar streets, all of them filled with colors and smells. The longer you walked, the healthier you felt. Each step felt like a weight lifted from your chest, and you even smiled to a few usuals you found in the streets.
The main square peeked through the streets. It wasn’t your usual destination, too crowded and not as pretty as other parts of the town. But you still walked through it, feeling at ease and happy.
It had happened before, usually the days before you started your cycle, and you should have known the feeling of ease had nothing to do with the weather or the walk. It had happened and it happened again, just as you rounded a corner to walk in the square.
If, by any chance, Azriel hadn’t noticed you coming, the shadows that tugged him away from where he was standing would have made it obvious.
His eyes widened when he saw you, and you felt that peaceful feeling making its home for the day. There was no sorrow, no sadness, and none of the usual feelings that lately you felt when it came to him.
You cursed yourself stupid when you realized that you cycle was coming, and that every year you were in a mood until Azriel showed up, your hormones demanding your mate.
“Y/N”
Your name fell from your mouth and just by hearing it you noticed something different. It was new, and at the same time, you thought you recognized it somehow. You looked to his empty hands, to the syphons on his shoulders and chest and truth-teller on his side.
It looked like you had interrupted something important to him. But instead of running away from him like the last two times, you took a step closer.
“Are you going on a mission?” you pointed with your chin to his leather, eyes stopping at his chest. There was that thing, that you couldn’t name.
“Just came back. I was…”
Azriel looked to the building he just exited and for a moment, in silence. You had met a bunch of times since the incident in the market, and you had started having longer conversations. About the weather, about your bakery, and even about his family, who you finally knew officially.
Certainly, your relationship had improved, although it wasn’t just fixed yet. When he didn’t answer, you were reminded of all the times he had kept things to himself, either out of fear or doubt.
He seemed to doubt between telling you and keeping it to himself. Any other time, you knew, he would have kept it to himself. He had done it, in the past – when you asked him about his job, or tried to understand his past. Many times where he had evaded the truth or his emotions.
Your mood, that had been in a rush since you left the bakery, fell a little at his silence. He looked torn and you were ready to leave, before he answered.
“This is Madja’s house. I meet her here so we can talk, usually during the week” he looked back at you, watching the surprise of his statement. “But something happened and I needed to talk to her”
“What happened?”
Azriel’s lips were pressed tight, debating on whether he should tell you or not. He wouldn’t have doubted about it a year ago – he wouldn’t tell you, because in his eyes, it would only hurt you more than he already had. But he had learnt new things, and had realized that a relationship was built on trust. And that his fears, his perception of the reality, had broken yours.
He had cut the mission short when he had noticed, though he wasn’t sure he had ever done something like that. Azriel didn’t know what had triggered it, why it happened in the Winter court and not anytime sooner.
Madja, of course, had had an answer ready – an answer that had left him staring at her door for long twenty minutes before you appeared.
“Kallias should have sent something to Rhysand, but he didn’t” he started, not sure why he was traveling so far from the event. “So I went to check. Turns out someone must have taken it and, well, I tried to…”
He trailed off before he could finish, aware of your confusion. You never talked about what he did for Rhysand, in any court. No matter how big or small was the assignment, he didn’t tell you about it.
But that wasn’t what your confusion was about, at least not all of it. You couldn’t possibly notice because you had given it for granted since the beginning, but Azriel did notice. He noticed the change as soon as it happened, and babbled when he explained to Rhysand what he should have been feeling for years.
Had explained to Madja moments ago, who had given him a knowing smile and a proud nod.
“I accepted the bond” he confessed, continuing before you could say anything else. “I don’t know how, or why, but I was there and suddenly I was hit with – with this in my chest, and I don’t know why it wouldn’t happen sooner”
“You accepted the bond” you repeated, looking between his chest and face.
“I don’t know how, or why now. I was, thinking… And it hit me” Azriel smiled sadly, not saying what his thoughts were about – what they had been about since that night. “I didn’t want to tell you, because, this is, you don’t have to do anything now. Me accepting the bond doesn’t change what I did”
Azriel hadn’t meant to tell you, neither to be so vague and ridiculously nervous about it.
It had been a surprise when, in the middle of a conversation, he felt it. He had been thinking about you, because there were flowers and they were pretty against the cold weather, and to him, you were the prettiest thing the Cauldron had made. One moment Kallias had been going through the last movements of the package and the next the high lord was looking at him with raised brows.
Congratulating him for something that should have happened six years ago.
“It’s not that I didn’t want the bond before, Y/N” he continued when you didn’t say anything. “I promise you, I didn’t know how to accept it. I didn’t know that I deserved it”
Azriel had thought, and he still wanted to, that you so pretty that you were meant for someone else. That it was borrowed time, that he didn’t deserve the bond just as he didn’t deserve you. With Madja and Rhys, they had had deep conversations about his mental health, about his version of life where he lived through a glass of pain and rejection.
As he stared at your surprised form, he tried not to let hope leak into his heart. He knew it didn’t fix what was broken, but he hoped it was the first step of a long recovery to win you back.
Only if you could confirm or deny, instead of stare at him.
“Say something” Azriel finally broke, almost begged. “Whatever you want. Just say something”
And you wanted to, because wasn’t that what you had wanted? You had fooled yourself lately thinking about may what ifs. What if he had accepted the bond in the bagging, what if he had told you that he wasn’t fine, that he was broken and needed help.
What if you had helped him and not rushed things when he wasn’t ready. Now, it felt like the Cauldron was giving you that opportunity, only that you didn’t know how to react.
You finally looked away from him and decided to give an experimental tug on the bond, to see if anything had changed.
It had.
“Az”
It was a chuckle, maybe the beginning of a cry. It was anger but also relief because what came back from that tug wasn’t what you usually felt. It was stronger, solid, as if there was a physical string between your bodies that kept you linked.
Usually, it was just an intense feeling that was enough for you. But now that you felt him tugging back, felt him loving you, you couldn’t hold back another laugh. He shoved down through it everything he felt – adoration, love, joy. Many fears that had you stumbling towards him, and pain.
So much pain that your smile dropped. His dropped too, and you felt the bond getting fainter.
“That’s another reason. I didn’t want you to feel… that” Azriel retreated the bond farther. “I have so many fears and pains here that I couldn’t even imagine sharing them with you. And that – “
“You don’t have to feel ashamed” you cut him off, your voice hoarse. “I love you the same”
Words were unnecessary when you hugged his middle and buried yourself in his chest. He curled around you, like he had done so many times.
The channel snapped open again, and you just closed your eyes tightly. It was an endless source of emotions, and it broke you that most of them were bad. There was rejection, from so many people that it felt like an angry, black bull coming your way. Sadness that felt overwhelming and never ending, always coming in waves when Azriel didn’t expect it.
You also felt disgust, and you only held him tighter when you discovered it was self-disgust. Not only at the things that he had done, but also at what had been done to him. The scars on his hands, the shadows around him. He had hated himself for so long he had forgotten how to love.
But then, at the bottom, there was something bright, and that part you realized it was only dedicated to you. There was his family too, but it wasn’t as intense as his love for you. Everything that he lacked during his life, that he yearned for, was tucked where it mattered the most.
“I love you” he whispered against your head, softly. “I love you”
You didn’t answer, just raised your head until you could brush your lips against him. Later, you would have time to blame the cycle, which you wouldn’t get for another two months, or the emotions of the moment. But you knew it was just what you needed, what you both deserved, when you felt him kissing back.
At the beginning, it was just his lips against yours, and it was enough. Your noses brushed each other, you got on your tiptoes and his wing cocooned both of you. His hands only pressed you tighter against his body when you moved your lips against his, brushing the edge of your tongue against his bottom one.
Azriel could barely keep himself straight when you silently asked for permission to open his mouth, which he happily obliged.  
From that moment, it was crashing. The kiss was only a physical proof of your feelings traveling through the mated bond, so wild and intense you couldn’t tell which one was his or yours.
“I’m sorry, darling” he whispered against your lips, giving you no time to reply. “I’m sorry for hurting you, for being a coward. I’m sorry”
“I forgive you. We don’t keep secrets anymore” you managed to say between kisses.
“Never” Azriel answered while leaving kisses on your cheeks and nose.”
“And we’ll talk about our emotions, and feelings. You’ll tell me about your life when I ask”
“Always”
“You won’t close off to me” you pulled his head away and made him look at you.
While you held his face between your hands, Azriel smiled. It was a different smile from the previous ones, from the ones you had seen so far. It was carefree, loving, and yours.
Your thumb brushed the corner of his eye, his upper cheek, the border of his nose.
“I’m here, Azriel. Always. So you don’t have to hide anything from me, or to be ashamed or afraid. I’m here” you closed the distance once more, controlling the kiss by holding onto his face. “Right around the corner”
“Right around the corner” he repeated, dipping his head and sealing all his promises with another kiss.
Want to read more? Check out my side blog @imaginesmaimasterlists, where I keep all the masterlists! Feedback is always appreciated
Right around the corner taglist:
@lesliemurillo @impossibelle @polli05927 @florencemtrash @going-through-shit @minakay @setayeshmohseni @torchbearerkyle @esposadomd @amysangel @kennedy-brooke @originalcrusadetrash @luvmoo @historygeekqueen @marriedtolike18fictionalmen @wallacewillow0773638 @tothestarsandwhateverend @kristalhi @knmendiola @nikt-wazny-y @dream-alittlebiggerdarling @wallacewillow0773638 @clara-geekhime @kalulakunundrum @saltedcoffeescotch @originalcrusadetrash @mel-wcst @ailyr92 @bubybubsters @chickensrock3 @tothestarsandwhateverend @topaz125 @wallacewillow0773638 @just-m-2 @theravenphoenix26 @glitterypirateduck @a-frog-with-a-laptop @justdreamstars
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The Hobie Brown Punk Playbook - Anarchism & Hobie's Arc
A short series where I analyze the political, historical, musical, and romantic influences of Hobie Brown, and how it affects his arc, design, and character.
1) Anarchism 101 / 2) Punk 101 / 3) Hobie Characterization Guide (How to Write Hobie) /4) Punk & Hobie's Design / 5) Romance in the 70's
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Why Hobie's Arc is the perfect metaphor for Anarchy and Anti-Establishment:
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What is Anarchism? What's an anarchist, and what makes Hobie one?
In most places, Anarchism is defined as:
a political theory advocating the abolition of hierarchical government and the organization of society on a voluntary, cooperative basis without recourse to force or compulsion.
Which means that, as an Anarchist, Hobie believes that all forms of authority that involves a hierarchal power should be abolished and destroyed.
Anarchists opposes any and all power structures in which a single person, class, or entity rules over a body of people.
Anarchism is a thought system that, at it's core, is anti-government, anti-monarchy and anti-cop. It's goal is to protect and highlight the importance of equality and community but also freedom and individuality as well.
Although many people assume anarchy is about chaos - and denying any and all structures - if anything, it’s actually the opposite.
Anarchy is about balance -
When we look at the definition of Anarchy, we can see two complimentary ideas. ______
The first is the 'advocating the abolition of hierarchical government' - which is the sentiment Anarchy is most known for. It's the opposition of power structures in which one class or group rules or gains privilege over another - cops and civilians, the government and citizens, Spider-people and the multiverse, Miguel and the Spider-people...etc.
For the purposes of this post, I'll call it the First Pillar of Anarchism, and it's the basis for one of Anarchism's foundational beliefs: direct action.
(Which Hobie is the king of)
The second idea is one often overlooked, but just as important, and I'll talk about how much it colors Hobie's characterization in a second.
The organization of society on a voluntary, cooperative basis. Anarchists believe in equality, and the power of the collective and working together as a unanimous unit.
But they also believe in freedom of choice, and the choice to be independent.
When working in large cooperative groups, there is the risk of a shared identity that may stifle or assimilate it's members. Just as much as Anarchists believe in unity and equality, they also believe that a society - or any group - should be voluntary. And that sticking out from the pack is okay and even encouraged.
They believe people reserve the right to not participate at all, and that it is their right to differ and challenge the pack, if they so want to.
In the perfect anarchist world and situation (in my opinion,) - No one rules over the collective, and the collective rules over no one.
When you put those two together you get Anarchy. A balance of community and self.
And although we don't live in an anarchist utopia, Anarchists are people who live life fighting for the equality and unity of others, as well as their independence and freedom to be who they are outside of others.
In short, An Anarchist is someone who believes in equality, community, freethinking, and most of all freedom of choice.
Starting to sound like anyone we know?
What makes Hobie the perfect Anarchist?
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Hobie is Anarchy personified. Literally.
Hear me out.
When we look at the definition of Anarchism next to Hobie's actions, behavior, and beliefs - we can see the writers created Hobie and his arc to be anarchy in it's purest form.
Anarchy is described as:
a political theory advocating the abolition of hierarchical government and the organization of society on a voluntary, cooperative basis without recourse to force or compulsion.
Hobie only has roughly ten minutes of screentime, and I wrote (here) exactly how the writers squeeze meaning into (quite literally) every-line he has.
In every line and frame the writers are intent on having Hobie move towards the 2 specific goals and motives on Anarchism, backed by his punk and anarchist morals.
Firstly, he approaches Miles to advocate the abolition of Miguel's hierarchical society, emotionally and mentally encouraging Miles to oppose his authority. All of Hobie's speaking lines are dedicated to this purpose - becoming an ally to Miles (and other Spider-people) and inspiring rebellion.
This is reflected by his opposition to the ideas of anomalies, and Miguel's rule.
I just wanna highlight, that when Hobie meets Miles - neither he nor Miles are aware that Miles intends to avoid his canon event.
At the point of their meeting, Hobie only knows that Miles has disrupted Pavitr's canon event, and that Miles himself in an anomaly.
Hobie opposes Miguel's hierachial society, his rule over the timeline and multiverse, and his use of force and threats of violence. By advocating for the abolition of Miguel's society and urging Miles' rebellion against Miguel, Hobie is directly engaging in the first pillar of Anarchism.
When Hobie's efforts pay off and Miles escapes Society capture, he's goal changes toward the second pillar.
Hobie recognizes Spider-Society does not operate on a voluntary, cooperative basis - as their canon events are mandatory by force and compulsion. And because of this, he thinks ahead and uses his self-made watches in order for him, Gwen, and Miles to exercise their right of choice. From the moment he quits, all of Hobie's behavior is dedicated to this purpose - getting Miles and Gwen out of the society, and helping Miles avoid his incoming canon event.
The Spider-Society is everything Anarchy stands against.
Anarchy stresses volunteered and cooperative effort for a reason.
I spoke earlier about how in cooperative groups, their is a risk of a shared identity within a group that forces assimilation and cooperation.
And Spider-Society is the perfect, and most literal example of this.
Spider-people are (literally) the 'same person'. Those in the Society are united by the shared identity of being Spider-people. This identity is mandatory for entry - and because Miguel ties canon events to the identity of a Spider-person, the canon events become compulsory and mandatory as well.
I mentioned before that at the time of meeting Miles, both he and Miles had no idea about Mile's incoming canon event. He, like Miles, only learns this when Miles announces that his dad is about to be captain - in front of Miguel.
When Miles escapes and Hobie quits, from that point on - despite the fact he's not fully shown on screen again - Hobie still manages to act on and stand by Anarchism. From then on, every single one of his actions is dedicated to opposing the involuntary, compulsory nature of canon and canon events.
Hobie interferes with the compulsive nature of canon by approaching Gwen's dad and speaking with him. He interferes with the involuntary nature of the Society's membership, by leaving Gwen the watch that allows her and Peter B. to leave, going AWOL.
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As a character, Hobie is what is considered a insurgent. His purpose in the story and Miles' life is to inspire action and rebellion within him and the system.
And at his core, Hobie is meant to be a character that's meant to empower others - especially at their lowest point. That's what Anarchism, and Punk, is about.
Hobie is Anarchy personified.
Every one of his motives and lines are dedicated to it's purpose. Whether it's his first scene disarming Miles with humor and allyship, or him deliberately copying Society technology.
With every word and frame, Hobie inspires rebellion - defying hierarchy, and empowering choice.
With the people closest to them, he literally put the power of choice in their hands, whether it be Miles' palms, or the watch Gwen held.
In the battle against the Spider-Society - an organization of hierarchy, control, compulsion, and force - the writers chose to have Hobie's weapon of choice be Anarchy.
And it's really clear they see Anarchy for what it is - a system and tool of empowerment, compassion, and freedom.
And honestly, I can't think of any other words that can describe Hobie better (or than hot).
Hobie Brown is literally walking Anarchy idc idc you can't tell me different bye.
Find Part 2 - Punk 101 here!
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also have a couple more ideas and drafts of these, mainly examining: Punk and what makes Hobie punk, his design inspiration and fashion, the 70s history behind him, romance in the 70s, etc so uh yeah
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youremyheaven · 1 month
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Random Astrology Observations
Moon in the 1h is often talked about like 🥺🥺wears their heart on their sleeve🥹🥹uwu softie way but tbh Moon in 1h can make someone incredibly manipulative, they know just what to say and when to say it and know how to work their audience, this is perhaps why this placement is found in the charts of soooo many successful actors. ex: Leonardo DiCaprio, Audrey Hepburn, Henry Cavill, Charlie Chaplin, Priyanka Chopra, Antonio Banderas, Brendan Fraser, Benicio Del Toro, Jared Padelecki, Val Kilmer, Adrien Brody etc
I think this is a very manipulative placement, again manipulation is not in and of itself a bad thing, its what we use it for that matters. Some people completely lack the ability to manipulate at all (they don't have Moon influence)
2. Debilitated placements point to unconventional intelligence & wisdom in that area. I feel like they've cracked the code . They struggle a lot but when they triumph it's magic
3. I've mentioned this in other posts but many notorious sex offenders have Venus influence. Actions of this sort, as well as criticizing others' beauty, not taking care of yourself/surroundings, being shabby or disorderly in general are all things that harm your Venus. Abusing someone is the quickest way to ruin your Venus, you start corroding and that ugliness begins to manifest on the outside.
Ex: Harvey Weinstein looks like a cartoonish villain
4. As I explore the astrology content put out by others across different platforms, I've seen how the nature of the take themselves are so specific and unique to the person making them. Claire Nakti has a tendency imo to focus heavily on romance, sex and women's sexual behaviour and what sort of men they attract.
Going through her website, it's obvious that she's deeply immersed in occult & esoteric philosophy (all of which ties together with vedic astrology, philosophy, Buddhism etc because I truly believe that spiritual truths are universal and different schools of thought/religion/culture/mythology express these same truths in their own way with a LOT of recurring patterns) and Carl Jung as well.
It's studying Jung that helped me understand that what we see or draw from something is a reflection of who we are. As a beginner to vedic astrology, I initially believed Claire's one dimensional portrayal to be the all encompassing truth of a nakshatra until I started doing my own reading and research.
The things I talk about or the patterns I find are a reflection of me and I get a lot of asks about why I don't do xyz nak and honestly it's not as simple as doing research for an essay for uni, you kind of have to have a gnosis or innate knowing of its themes, something to base your search off of. And different naks call to me at different points. I come across content that describes certain naks in lights i could've never imagined which is to say that gnosis or inner knowing is an important aspect of studying anything esoteric, it kind of has to be revealed to you and what you see, what you can discern is a reflection of you.
5. you have to have a strong Rahu to discern patterns and similarities because Rahu is maya/illusion and a well-placed Rahu will allow you to see through those patterns/illusions. it will be very hard for someone without a strong Rahu to find similarities or common tropes, patterns, themes etc. Seeing through the veil or fog is Rahuvian.
6. Claire Nakti made a video about Venusian men where she said they were the ideal type of man and tbh that just confirmed my suspicion that she's Moon dominant because I think Moon dominant people are attracted to Venusians but in my humble opinion both Venusian men and Moon dominant men are some of the most batshit crazy people (manipulative and controlling at the least, psychopathic at worst) basically men who have a lot of Yin tend to be psychotic
7. I've noticed that Revati people tend to speak in a very verbose way. Nigella Lawson, Revati Moon is a really good example. Obviously other placements will also impact speech
8. Moon dominant people hate it when others share sob stories. They're the type to have the least amount of empathy for others and will either react in a neutral way or like they don't understand why you're saying this stuff at all. They're bored by other people's mundane problems and make it known as well. Not people you want to open up to.
My former friend was this way, I once cried in front of her and she showed zero emotion and didn't even try to comfort me lol
9. The way others treat us is the way we treat others. ik this is a basic take but karma is cause and effect. if you're dismissive of others feelings, other people will be dismissive of yours. what you do is what will be done unto you. Its so crazy to see how people who've been treated like shit by their friends will turn around and treat other people like shit. this is sooo basic but genuinely dont do anything to others that you dont want done to you.
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asbealthgn · 1 year
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(the thrilling conclusion. also posted on ao3! here's some art of the kitten i did. part 1, 2, 2.5, 3)
The Corroded Coffin fan base find out about Steve entirely by accident.
It starts, of course, with the kitten. After Eddie’s had her for a few days he decides to make an official post on his Instagram, which is a big deal because he normally just lets his PR people handle posting. All he normally does is post shit to his story, but the kitten deserves more formal recognition than that.
So he picks his favorite pictures of her (his camera roll is filled to the brim at this point) and posts them with the caption meet the light of my life, Lemon Verbena Deathclaw Goblikon Munson (Lemon for short). It’s like kicking a wasp’s nest, but, like, the good version: everyone and their dog shares the post to their stories, edits set to any number of Corroded Coffin’s hit songs are spread across TikTok, coffintwt is in an uproar.
Several hours later, Eddie posts a video to his story. He films Lemon on the couch and asks her, “Miss Lemon, how does it feel to be the best, most famous cat in the world?” She responds by meowing loudly and trying to bite his camera. Steve is sitting on the couch, so part of his thighs end up in the video.
Aside from having great thighs, the odd sliver of Steve’s legs or torso or arms showing up in various photographs and videos that Eddie puts on his story over the next few days does not draw a lot of attention from the Corroded Coffin fanbase. If Eddie were to guess, he would probably say they assume it’s just Eddie or one of his bandmates. It’s not until Eddie posts a video of Lemon trying to climb onto the couch on her own and Steve’s hands make an appearance steadying her that people take notice. More specifically, the Twitter account that’s dedicated to posting close-ups of the members of Corroded Coffin’s hands posts a screenshot of the video with the caption those hands do not belong to our boys.
From there, it becomes a wild source of controversy on Twitter as coffintwt tries to figure out for sure if those hands belong to anyone in the band. There’s a lot of back and forth, but ultimately they seem to agree that the original poster is The Authority on the matter. Then it becomes a game of going back through other pictures of Lemon and trying to figure out if the guy showing up the background of so many of them is also someone outside the band. A lot of screenshots start flying around with captions like none of the corroded boys would wear yellow or the rest of the band other than eddie were in LA when this one was posted and so on and so on. 
A consensus is reached: Eddie has been spending a lot of time with someone not in the band, quite possibly a boyfriend.
On a rainy Tuesday three weeks after they met, Eddie lays back on his couch with Steve laying on his chest and Lemon laying on his chest. “They’re onto you, Stevie,” Eddie says. 
“Who’s onto me?” Steve asks, not looking away from the basketball game on the TV. He’s terminally offline and has been blissfully unaware of the saga unfolding. 
“Twitter,” Eddie explains. “My fans have noticed you in the background in a lot of pictures of Lemon and they’ve started putting the pieces together.”
Steve scratches Lemon under her chin and she purrs happily. “Why are they looking at me instead of her?”
“Hell if I know,” Eddie says, reaching around Steve to rub Lemon’s head. “It’s not like you’re super drop-dead gorgeous or anything.”
Grinning, Steve turns his head to kiss Eddie. “Thanks, baby.”
Before Steve can turn his attention back to the game, Eddie hooks his finger under his chin to keep Steve’s eyes on him. “I have a question for you,” he says, “Well, two questions.”
“What’s up?” Steve asks. 
“First, do you want to be my boyfriend?” Eddie knows that three weeks is kind of ridiculously fast, but Steve has practically moved in already, spending all his free time here and sleeping in Eddie’s bed most nights. So Eddie’s not super worried about what his answer is going to be.
Sure enough, Steve smiles. “Yeah, I do,” he says. He kisses Eddie before asking, “What’s the second question?”
“Well, since you said yes, do you mind if I post something about us to stop the speculation?”
“I don’t mind,” Steve says, “But can I tell Robin first so she finds out from me?”
Eddie nods. “Yeah, of course. Do you want to go ov—?” But oh, Steve is already pulling out his phone and calling Robin. Okay then. 
“Hey, Robbie! Just wanted to let you know that Eddie’s my boyfriend now….No, he wasn’t already….Well, we hadn’t talked about it….Okay, that’s kinda mean….No, it’s okay….Yeah, Lemon is great! Do you want to talk to her?” Steve holds the phone up to the kitten and she bites the microphone. Steve puts the phone back to his ear. “That was her….Okay, I actually have to go. I just wanted to tell you….Bye, love you!”
Steve puts his phone back in his pocket and then grins at Eddie. “Alright, I’m ready.”
“If there’s one thing about you, baby, you’re a go-getter,” Eddie says, laughing. He gets his own phone out and holds it out to take a picture of them. Lemon, who is fascinated by phones, looks up at the camera as he snaps the photo. Perfect. 
Eddie posts the picture with the caption the rumors are true, Lemon has two dads. she gets her looks from Steve’s side. Then he puts his phone down and wraps his arms back around Steve. He can worry about his fans’ reaction later. Right now, he has other plans.
“What do you say, boyfriend?” he murmurs in Steve’s ear. “Should we go put Lemon in the bathtub?”
tagging: @nburkhardt @stargyles @csinnamon-fox @manda-panda-monium @silly-jellyghoty @lifeisnotsobadonceyoustopcaring @starquirk @lightwoodbanethings @dramaticwriter @adaed5 @freyaforestafay @roaringgoodshow @sherrylyn628 @stevesbipanic @stevethehairington @henderdads @artiststarme @softboisteve @gregre369 @korixae @kokoshka67 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @piningapple @iwouldsail @thesuninyaface @aftermidnightwriting @hamiltonsteele @brassreign @bitchysunflower @homosexual-having-tea @adelicioustragedy @trashpocket @dramaticwriter @eddiemunsonswife @blackpanzy @bitchysunflower @adelicioustragedy @thegingerrapunzel @overhillunderhill @beckkthewreck @glittergluekintsugi @elyondelannoy @somegirlsomewhere @pluto-pepsi @shinekocreator @goodomensgurl @savory-babby @blues-tunes @babyblender @221b1tch
(tagging is having issues so i'll tag the rest in a reply)
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nanowrimo · 2 months
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When Is a Small Press a Good Fit?
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When it comes to publishing, many writers will think about big publishers first. However, there are a lot of different publishing options out there to explore. NaNo participant and author, Clara Ward, talks about their experience publishing with a small press and gives you questions to consider while you think through your publishing options!
NaNoWriMo inspired me to write. Signing with a small press gave me the support I needed to publish a book I love. 
I’d published books before—starting with NaNoWriMo sponsor deals in the early days of online publishing—but I never had the right skill set to promote those books. As a result, they never truly found their audience. 
In November of 2020, I poured my heart into a genre-blurring near-future tale of sailing across the Pacific and building a neurodiverse, queer, and possibly magical chosen family. In 2021, I titled it Be the Sea and asked myself: What am I going to do with that?
1. Are you looking for fame or family?
Small presses are as varied as the people who form them. If you read widely, you may already have a treasured book on your shelf from your publisher-to-be. Try asking NaNoWriMo friends who share your interests if they’ve discovered any surprising or emerging sources for great reads. (At the very least, you may find books you’ll love in unexpected places!)
Admittedly, a small press doesn’t have a fortune to spend on paving your path to fame. But I have never felt as seen as when my soon-to-be publisher, E.D.E. Bell at Atthis Arts, wrote back, “I’m really in love with what you are doing and would like to talk about it.” 
2. Do you have the bandwidth for working with others?
Even with the most supportive small press, you may have to push outside your comfort zone. I know authors who love the absolute control and freedom of self-publishing. For a time, I felt very comfortable just posting my NaNoWriMo fanfiction novels on Archive of Our Own. At most, I had one or two beta readers to offer feedback on those works. Whereas E.D.E. told me in one of our earliest conversations that in addition to our three rounds of editing we’d need “a good number of betas” to cover the range of topics we were working on together.
I was delighted! I knew what I’d written was ambitious, and I welcomed all the feedback I could get. But it turns out, each extra person in a process adds new challenges and delays. I had to stretch my empathy as well as my publishing timeline because, to quote E.D.E. again: “It’s a lot of emotion (as well as brain cycles) to go through...” Outside perspectives will only improve your writing if you are willing to work with them, to truly listen and learn.
3. Can you handle the two-way commitment?
No form of publishing is easy. The myth that authors write while others handle business and promotion is not true at the top, and certainly not with small presses. In my experience, working with Atthis Arts was like joining a team or chosen family. Beyond certain paid tasks, such as editing and sensitivity reading, I discovered a community of authors who freely offered coaching before my first public reading, social media boosting, tips for author webpages, and an extra pair of eyes on letters requesting bookshop readings or other events. While not all small presses work the same way, this supportive culture proved to be an excellent fit for me. Naturally, I wanted to give back whenever possible.
Small presses can only succeed with community. This month, as I promote the launch of Be the Sea at bookshops in Mountain View, Davis, and Sacramento, I will be introducing many Californians to my Michigan-based small publisher, Atthis Arts. When I stand up as a panelist at Norwescon in Washington state or at various science, library, or Pride events later in the year, I’ll be promoting more than Be the Sea by Clara Ward. I’ll give back by sharing my appreciation for small presses, the supportive and inclusive practices they can normalize, and the opportunities they open up for future writers and readers. 
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Clara Ward lives in Silicon Valley on the border between reality and speculative fiction. Their latest novel, Be the Sea, features a near-future ocean voyage, chosen family, and sea creature perspectives, while delving into our oceans, our selves, and how all futures intertwine. Their short fiction has appeared in Strange Horizons, Decoded Pride, Small Wonders, and as a postcard from Thinking Ink Press. When not using words to teach or tell stories, Clara uses wood, fiber, and glass to make practical or completely impractical objects. More of their words along with crafted creations can be found at: https://clarawardauthor.wordpress.com
Photo by Hümâ H. Yardım on Unsplash
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You know what? I have become a gaylor sympathiser
This is going to be a long post, sorry! Please read the full post before even thinking about commenting.
Over the past few days I’ve seen a few posts on my dash about taylor swift and her fans that have left a bad taste in my mouth.
I know that a lot of people think that some fans of her are “trying to make her gay” and I just wanted to put the record straight and defend some people after actually looking at what’s going on. And I know I’m probably opening myself up for tumblr’s poor reading comprehension but before I start I’m going to say this:
I do not think taylor swift is a lesbian
Ok? Now let’s have a conversation.
First of all from what I’ve seen most of the fans who talk about Taylor swift and queerness do it from a point of literary analysis and learning queer history. This is a huge part of the community and lots of people have said that they never would have learnt so much about queer history without reading taylor swift’s works through a queer lens.
Adding on to that point, it seems a little hypocritical for the gay site which loves queer readings of books, tv shows, songs, musicals, films etc to be bullying a pretty small group of people who are mainly doing queer readings of lyrics. Especially when those people get near constant death threats. Instead of bullying these people (who don’t think or do what you think they think and do) why don’t you go outside and think “does this affect me? No. Do I agree with them? No. Am I going to cyber bully them because of this? No.”
Secondly, for the people who believe that any speculation on a real persons sexuality is 100% wrong. I used to think this too but I have changed my mind a bit about this recently after stopping and thinking about it properly. I’m not trying to change your mind at all I just want you to stop and think for a minute.
If you only get mad when speculation is queer in nature, then maybe think about that for a minute. Why is it totally wrong to think a person might be queer. We probably do it in our daily lives with people we know and they likely do it with us, back in the day that’s how queer people found each other-by speculating on sexuality. Would you be upset if you found out someone that you know thought you might be queer? I wouldn’t, maybe you would but if you would, why? Why is it terrible to think someone might be queer (this is NOT about hounding a person to admit to being queer like shawn mendes, this is just thinking in your head and on your small blog that the person will likely never see). Also this is literally the website where we talk about historical (real people) being gay even when they would have never said something to the equivalent.
An addition to this point before people start saying in the comments is that this is NOT the same situation as with kit connor. The issue there was people assuming that he was straight and taking that role away from a queer person. Speculating that he was queer was the opposite of what happened in that situation. So this is not an example of what happens when you speculate queerness.
Final things to say:
1) don’t believe every post you see with someone looking insane about taylor swift being gay, a lot of them are fake.
2) before anyone says “they should listen to real queer artists instead” most of them very much do. There’s a lot of fans of Hayley kiyoko, girl in red, Janelle monae, tegan and sara, zolita, kehlani etc.
3) there are some queer flags that are there. Sorry but there are. Hairpin drops, lavender, the ladder, flag colours, songs about women, friend of dorothy reference. Whether they are intentional is a different matter.
4) shipping real people is not what is happening for the majority of the people in the community. Also this comes back to queer vs straight again. Plenty of swifties ship taylor with men she’s been seen with and no one goes into their inboxes and sends death threats even when they are the ones making taylor swift all about the men she may or may not have dated.
5) taylor swift has never stated her sexuality. I know this may be hard to belive based off of how some people act, but it’s true. She has made vague statements which could have many meanings but she has never clearly stated anything. When gaylors get upset with taylor it is not because she said she is straight, it’s because they are getting death threats and doxxed and she seems to either be unaware of it (which is unlikely given how she seems to be a little terminally online) or she doesn’t care enough to tell her fans to stop.
6) if she does explicitly say she’s straight then there will probably be disappointment in her use of queer history and flags and her potential queer erasure (as we saw with lavender haze, with straight women describing their relationships as lavender) and centring herself in queer spaces (like the you need to calm down music video) but no one will be angry that she’s not gay. And a lot will probably be grateful that she actually explicitly stated for the record to absolve any confusion. The main issue would likely be other fans ramping up the death threats and bullying.
In conclusion: these people who do queer analysis of Taylor’s work are not trying to out her or make her gay etc. if you don’t understand it that’s fine it’s clearly not for you and you can go quite easily without seeing any of it. It’s not illegal to read works through a queer lens and if it means more people know about queer history then I think that’s a very good thing.
I changed my mind after looking at what a lot of people are actually saying rather than what people perceive them to be saying and maybe you will too?
Just be kinder to people online please and if you don’t like what people are saying block them and do not engage!
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