#idk i love rping and i love being here but this is a collaborative hobby and it feels very much like everyones got people except me

[rotturn]

once i come back from my trip i think... there's gonna be some big changes

#theres a Lot of mutuals ive been trying to interact w who ignore me and a fair few I've stayed mutuals w #just bc it feels like i have to #and it has made tumblr feel. very lonely #i know this time of year just gets like that #but like. theres people who i used to be close to and talk to a lot who i can not get a reply from ic or ooc these days #and like people move on thats fine its just. idk it sucks #and i know im guilty of being slow sometimes and messages sometimes get missed if im overwhelmed but #i try very very hard to at least reply sometimes or acknowledge peoples posts/existence #but it only feels like 3 or 4 people actually want me here or want to talk to me #idk i love rping and i love being here but this is a collaborative hobby and it feels very much like everyones got people except me #the two people that i talk to every day mean the world to me i love u guys #but outside of those 2 and like 3 other people who like my posts i just feel. like im only a number in peoples follower counts #maybe come the end of jan people will be back online more and I'll feel better but idk #i just try so hard to be here all the time and have completely fucked my sleep schedule on Many occasions #just to hang out and talk w people and i throw my all into trying to be here and have friends and be interesting #and i guess im just. not? and it sucks but it is what it is i guese #i just wish that this wasnt such a lonely place bc im so tired of deleting a bunch of posts constantly bc they get no notes #and it makes me feel like my blog looks messy and bad for anyone new whos looking #i just constantly feel like i have to apologize for existing here and its not fair thats not what this is meant to be #i miss having friends here. people used to like me and im not sure what changed