#but it's like the principle of the thing. someone else is paying for our mistake and i cannot in good conscience argue or lie about-

[gardenstateofmind]

i honestly was not mad about our landlord keeping the whole security deposit because those dumb bitches literally broke the plumbing by flushing tampons down a basement toilet

like the plumbing literally had to be replaced for that toilet, specifically because of an incredibly stupid thing the tenant did. i don't think the landlord should necessarily have to pay for that.

but my mom is saying that it's illegal for him to keep the deposit over that since it happened several months before the lease ended. she said he should have charged us at that time and if we didn't pay it, then he could have taken it out of the deposit.

i do not have the energy to argue about that, especially since i would feel really wrong trying to get out of paying something that genuinely was on us as the tenants. like yeah it sucks for me and selbbep to lose out on our $750 each since we're not the ones who broke the toilet, but like. that's what you sign up for when you sign a lease with other people.

#personal #our landlord is just some guy #like it was different at our old apartment that was owned by a company #i actively wanted them to lose as much money as possible #but this guy? eh. i'm sure he can afford the $3000 plumbing bill #and he has several rental properties so he should be expecting to take care basic house repairs constantly #so like. yeah ideally i want my deposit back #but it's like the principle of the thing. someone else is paying for our mistake and i cannot in good conscience argue or lie about- #-the circumstances surrounding the plumbing

[mister-snake]

I never gave you shit about your life choices, yet you feel entitled to judge me. Acting all high and mighty, hiding behind your so perfect values as if you owned the absolute truth and nothing else, nobody else could possibly be valid. Refusing to consider anyone else's feelings and needs for the sake of your own moral conscience. I may be blind to your own beliefs, but you're no better. You put me in a case, and I can never be myself again to you, an actual being with feelings and humanity, I'm just a label and none of the relationship we shared before matters anymore. I don't even have to leave, you erased me on your own. Keep thinking you're better than I am with your stupid principles. You can't force me into leaving someone I care for by guilt tripping me. I was never toxic and abusive and just because your bad life choices made you scared of the potential of it, for other people who are happy and didn't ask for your opinion in the first place, doesn't mean you should make other people pay for it. We all had our own bad experiences, we're all unique and handle things differently, what makes you think you have to right to look down on others, to tell people what to do, how to act, how to feel, and destroy your relationship if it isn't how YOU would've approved. If you can't see that, if you can't overcome your own issues, it's not my problem Bernadette. I didn't ask for this and I didn't even cause any kind of abuse. I won't stop living and caring for others just because of the possibility of indirectly influencing them somehow into doing the same mistakes you did. And if you see me differently, with that so evil vibe you described, you probably don't even know me that much anymore. I don't think there's anything left for me to put back together. You said you don't want me to think you're leaving like the others, but rejecting me for a small thing about me that doesn't even impact you whatsoever is exactly the kind of excuse they'd use. You're just like everybody else. A huge disappointement. Someone I can't trust. Someone who didn't even care. If it takes so little to stop caring about us, did our relationship even mean anything at all to you. We've known each other for what, 5 years? Yet none of it meant shit. I hope you'll be happy with your values and fears. I really do. That they're worth everything.

[woodmamtoys]

Appreciation and praise should always be combined with frustration education-Woodmam

　　Parent: He attaches special importance to marks, is relatively strong in self-care on weekdays, and has a wide range of interests. Learning is too much about results and not too much about the process. It is especially hard to get a bad grade, always saying how many points how many points, when he gives himself a score, he does not change the wrong words, just put the score there, not to correct mistakes. I know it's wrong, but I don't change it. 　　Author: How old are you? 　　Parent: Third grade. 　　Author: Is it a boy? Girl. So you're a parent with the right idea, aren't you? 　　Parent: Right thinking, but I don't know how to change it! 　　Author: I think that the child values the score and is good and strong, especially good and strong, is that right? What do you want to achieve? 　　Parent: Is she too much in charge? When I was in preschool, sometimes I would come home and cry, saying that the teacher didn't like her today, why? The teacher didn't praise her today. She couldn't stand it without praise for one day. Until now in the third grade, there is still this situation. Two days ago, instead of saying that the teacher doesn't like her, she said that the teacher hasn't seen her lately. (The author laughs.) She said that the teacher didn't look at me and looked at someone else and didn't pay attention to her, and the next day she was praised by the teacher again. She probably grew up with a little too much praise! 　　Author: The first problem you mentioned is what you showed on the paper, that is, the child is more focused on the score, but from our conversation, only focusing on the score is a symbol, what she values is the evaluation of others in her environment, especially if she is praised by others, she values her grades very much, is that right? In this way, parents encounter two problems: one, that she only values the superficial phenomenon of grades at the expense of the actual improvement of her abilities, which is the first problem you are worried about; the second problem is that you are now worried that your child only stands up to praise, but not to judgments other than praise. 　　We should understand the problem in this way. When we talk about appreciation, praise, encouragement, and example for children, we are praising children for things worthy of appreciation and praise, not including praise for shortcomings, which is the first; second, when you appreciate and praise, since shortcomings are not appreciated and praised, advantages are appreciated and praised, this boundary itself makes a trade-off for children in your praise and praise. Then, in this trade-off we have to say that appreciation, praise method always have to be combined with frustration education. 　　What do you mean by frustration education? It is the child can withstand criticism as opposed to praise. But criticism and praise, like, have to exercise its principles. What is the principle of praise, that is, the praise is praised, should not praise can not praise; criticism is the same, the criticism to criticize, should not criticize can not criticize. Parents must be right to criticize and right to praise. 　　So what is the point of combining praise, appreciation and criticism? That's what I'm going to tell you. Because your child has not received criticism in the past, now he or she has to receive criticism with praise. What does that mean? To praise her for withstanding criticism as an improvement, that's a technique. To praise her for withstanding criticism as progress. But how does this progress come about? In the past, you can not withstand criticism, you have to create a relatively mild, she can withstand, very reasonable criticism. For example, if you criticize her, she will be convinced that she can accept it, and then praise her for accepting the criticism as a merit. 　　Parent: You repeat it again, a little faster. (Everyone laughs) 　　Author: For example, if your child has one thing today, such as this word is written wrong, this thing is done wrong, don't you have criticism for her? This criticism is very reasonable, the attitude is very friendly, she accepted it. Then you praise her for this attitude of accepting criticism, understand? Let her constantly develop the concept that I am a child who can not only stand praise, but also stand criticism. With that, my mother especially appreciated me, my surrounding world especially appreciated me as a well-rounded and good child. That's the technique, that's the right way to homeschool. 　　To grow your child to be able to move forward in the face of criticism, in the face of failure, in the face of opposition from others. Okay?

Educational toys can be used to prompt children's learning abilities

[supercorpkid]

Under Pressure.

Supercorp, Kara Danvers x Daughter!Reader, Lena Luthor x Daughter!Reader.

Word count: 2340.

“You have to pay more attention!” Kara says landing in the backyard. You make an annoyed sound, landing right next to her.

“I was paying attention.” You throw your hands up. You’ve been hearing this for five minutes now and you’re done.

“And still you nearly dropped it.” She follows you inside the house, and you make your way to the kitchen trying to lose her. “Are you listening?”

“Yes, momma. I’m listening. I have super hearing, so-”

“Ok, don’t be funny. You wanted to join more Supergirl missions and I went against my own principle of waiting until you’re 18, and then you almost dropped the most fundamental thing for our mission.”

“But I didn’t.”

“That’s not the point.”

“What is the point, then?” You huff, upset.

“I can’t bring you to missions if you’re not going to take it seriously.” Oh, so that’s her point. You should’ve known it was too good to be true. Lena said it was ok if you still went supering with Kara, but you know, deep inside, that wasn’t exactly how she was feeling about this. You know Kara, you know when she doesn’t actually mean something. And this is her not meaning a word she is saying to you.

“I call bullshit!”

“LANGUAGE!” She interrupts and you roll your eyes.

“I didn’t nearly drop it. I was paying attention the entire time and I can recite the entire conversation beginning to end. Besides-” You shrug. “Had I dropped it, I would be able to fix it on the spot, because I made it myself.” You look at her, crossing your arms. “So, why can’t you bring me to missions? The truth, Kara Danvers. Remember that we don’t do lies in this house.” You dare, earning a sigh from her instead of an actual answer.

“I guess you can still come.”

“Wow, don’t look so excited!” She doesn’t. She looks the opposite. Like she thought that her speech would work and she didn’t expect you to bite back. “And you didn’t answer the question, anyways.”

“There’s no reason-” Kara starts, but stops when you raise an eyebrow at her. “Ok, fine. Your mom thinks you need to focus more on other stuff.”

“Of course she does.” You narrow your eyes at Kara, looking deep inside hers. “What do you think I should do?”

“Focus on other-I-I think-” That’s how she leaves the sentence and you turn around, grabbing water and making your way to your bedroom. Before you leave the kitchen, though, you look behind with a sad smile.

“I won’t bother you with my presence anymore.” She tries to argue, but you’re too far away, and you pretend you can’t hear her.

You knew it. Lena tried to play it cool about you getting a bad grade, but you know her, you know Luthors. It’s not that easy and it’s not that simple. They don’t fail, they don’t raise quitters, they don’t accept nothing less than 100% at all times (or more).

Lucky for you, you had never failed anything before. But now, Lena’s true colors are shining and you can expect much more fire power coming. And you are correct.

“Um, what are you doing?” Lena asks, when she opens your bedroom door, and you look up from the game you’re playing on your videogame. You don’t answer, because it’s pretty obvious, you just blink at her, for her to go on. “Shouldn’t you be studying? Kara said you went on a mission with her this afternoon.”

“Yes, I did.” You agree, pausing the game, to look at her properly. “But it was earlier today and I already did all of my homework, and worked on a robotics project I had, so-” You show her the videogame.

“Great.” Except that she doesn’t look convinced. “Aren’t you grounded?”

“Yeah?” You ask, confused.

“Game.” She shows you her hand and you breathe deep placing your videogame on her hand. “If you have time to play, you have time to clean your bedroom.” She is almost closing the door, when she opens again and looks at you. “Dinner in 20, bedroom cleaned before it.”

You don’t answer, so she closes the door and you shuffle around in bed, upset. Too good to be true. You should’ve known.

The week goes on as you were expecting to. Everywhere you look, there’s Lena Luthor. It’s been getting kind of hard to ignore her constant presence. Now the great mother Luthor is back again and man, how you hate the great mother Luthor.

“Remember-” It’s Wednesday, she is dropping you off at school, and she doesn’t even have to say the words for you to know what’s coming after. You heard this every day this week.

“Focus your attention on your teacher’s voice.” You mimic her voice, and she looks at you, taking her eyes off the road.

“Are you making fun of me?” She asks, annoyed, and you roll your eyes, looking to the other side. “Because I don’t think is funny nor-”

“The car.” You say, pointing to the front, where the car in front of yours just stopped.

“Appropriate for you to be making-” She goes on like she can’t hear you.

“The car!” You say a little louder. “The car stopped!”

But it’s too late for her to stop now, and she’s definitely going to bump into the back of the car, whether she hits the brakes or doesn’t. You fly out the window and pick up her car, flying away with it. You land on an empty street behind your school, putting the car back on the ground. You open the door to pick up your backpack, throwing it over your shoulder.

“I get it. I can’t get distracted.” You wink, with a little bitch grin, and make your way to the school, leaving a trembling Lena Luthor behind.

You think that maybe that’s going to make her realize she’s being a little too harsh on you, but things don’t get better.

“What are you making?” Lena asks, going inside your lab on Thursday, and you look up from your prototype. Her voice is already accusatory, like you should be doing anything else, except what you’re doing right now, even though she doesn’t know what it is yet.

“Um, a solar battery for my-”

“Shouldn’t you be studying?” She asks and your face drops. Nothing has changed.

“This is studying.” You point to your book in front of you. “And I get extra points if I do it right and it works on the school’ scoreboard.”

Lena looks a little lost at the realization you’re not just playing around like she thought you were. She sighs, like she always does when she feels defeated, and agrees with her head, coming closer.

“You should change the resistor for it to have more power.” She points at it, and you look up, staring at her with a confused expression.

“I used the 4.7K, it should be enough for the scoreboard.”

“If you use the 100K you’ll have more power.”

“Mom, 100K is enough to power our house, I think I can make it work with the 4.7 just fine, if I just-”

“Fine.” She interrupts, making her way to the door. “Do it however you like it. But don’t blame me if you don’t get the extra points that you’re looking for.”

You hung your head low, thinking this feels a lot like you imagine living with Lillian Luthor would be like. The constant pressure, the picking on every detail of everything that you do. Lena leaves your lab and you put your head down on the table, feeling the tears coming. You shouldn’t feel so bad that she’s pushing you so much, but this feels harder and harder the more that you think about it, because she was never this tough on you until you got your first bad grade.

So, when Friday comes you pretty much had it with her breathing down your neck, and her aggressive attitude for absolutely no reason.

“I hope that’s homework.” She says, late at night, when she comes into the kitchen and sees you and Kara looking at something, and giggling together. It’s Friday night, she can’t possibly be serious right now.

“OH MY GOD, WILL YOU STOP?” You yell, and your eyes widen when you notice what you just did. You yelled, but yet you wish she somehow hadn’t heard you.

“Excuse me?” Lena raises her eyebrows at you. She heard you. Of course she heard you.

“I’m sorry I yelled, but God! You need to back off a little.” You regret saying that too, because her eyes are shooting daggers at you and you know you’re in deep trouble. It doesn’t really help either that Kara is looking shocked, mouth agape and wide eyes next to you.

“Do you want to repeat that?” Lena asks, giving you a way out. You should take it.

“I do not.” See. A lot easier. Except. Except the words are still fighting on your mind and you’re trying very hard to hold them back, but you just blurt out, instead. “Because I’m sure you heard me.”

Oh no. What the fuck are you doing?

Kara sucks on her breath, and you know she won’t protect you from whatever avalanche of words that are coming, because you brought this on yourself.

“You must be mistaking me for someone else.” Lena steps in a little closer. “Because I don’t believe you would be insane enough to disrespect me like this.”

“Mom, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be disrespectful.” You say, trying to calm her and yourself down. “I really don’t, but you said you weren’t mad about my grade, but you’ve been acting like you are. And then you said I could go supering with momma, but told her she had shut me down.”

“I did no such thing.” She defends herself looking at Kara, who just looks down trying to ignore her look.

“Look, I-I get it. You think that I’m a failure.” You bite your cheek, trying not to cry when you say this. “And maybe I am, because I got a bad grade, but-”

“You are not a failure.” She stops before you go on.

“Well, that’s how you’re making me feel.” You breathe out deep. “It’s too much pressure. I don’t understand what I have done to deserve that. I got a bad grade, and that’s it. I know we’re Luthors and Luthors don’t fail, but-but I told I’ll do better next time and you believed me. Why don’t you anymore?”

You feel Kara’s hand holding your knee under the table. It’s her way of saying that she’s got you, even though she’s definitely not going to say anything. It doesn’t matter, you feel supported, anyways.

“I believe you.” Lena says, pulling the chair in front of you, and she sits down with a sigh. “I just want to make sure you’re doing your best in every area of your life, baby.”

“And you think that bossing me around is going to help that?” You’re still trying to hold back the tears, but it’s harder when the next phrase goes out your mouth. “FYI, this is the first time you called me baby all week.”

Lena looks a little lost. Like she hadn’t really noticed she was being this stern with you. You clean a tear that is running down your face, and feel another squeeze on your leg. You look at Kara giving her a thankful smile.

“I agree that I shouldn’t be listening to you while I was taking a test, but I got an F in French, and still managed to help you with your experiment. So, why can’t that be a win? A tiny little ‘let’s not drive our kid to madness’ kind of win?” You breathe deep, putting one hand under the table, and holding Kara’s. She is there. She supports you.

“Ok.” Lena finally lets out, after what it feels like minutes. “Ok, yeah. I’ve been acting a little too severe for my own liking too.” You agree with your head. “I don’t want you to feel like you’re a failure because you got a bad grade. And, you’re allowed to make mistakes.”

“Not only at school.” Kara adds, earning an agreeable look from Lena. She holds your hand up, and kisses it with a smile. “You know, failing it’s not about not making mistakes. But rather stop trying. Failure is just a price to pay for success.”

“Wow.” You look at Kara with teary eyes, but a playful smile on your lips. “Where did you read that?”

“Shut up.” She jokes pushing your shoulder with hers.

“Well, even though Kara clearly just quoted someone…” Lena also jokes, making Kara stick her tongue out, in a very childish attempt to defend herself. “She’s right. I don’t want you to think you have to be right and successful all the time. What I want is for you to never stop trying to be better than you were before.”

“I can do that.” You agree with your head to make your point. “If you just let me breathe a little.”

“I can do that.” Lena parrots, and you smile a little. She calls you with her hand and you let go of Kara’s hand, rounding the table and going to her. She pulls you into her lap and hugs you tight. “I love you, babygirl. You’re not and never will be a failure to me, ok?”

“Promise?” You beg, and she kisses your forehead whispering softly onto it.

“I promise.”

And it’s not like they’re never going to pressure you to be better again. You know that this will probably happen at times. You belong to a family of heroes. Super or not. Your best is different from everyone else’s best. You were always aware of this fact, and nothing is going to change that. But you will get better with dealing with this and hopefully they will too.

Notes:

Thanks @youngjusticeimaginesus for this prompt. I hope you enjoy it :)

#kara danvers #supergirl #supercorp #lena luthor #supercorpfamily #kara x lena #kara x reader #supercorp daughter #supercorp fanfic #lena x reader #reader insert

[staysaneathome]

This Was Not A Dare, Reigen

Jon glares at each of the— the suspects traitors in front of him, tape recorder clutched tight in one hand.

Martin, wringing his hands uselessly, eyes wide and beseeching. Tim, fists clenched hard enough for his knuckles to go white and returning his gaze with a death stare of his own. Sasha, arms folded to form a barrier between Jon and herself, expression a perfect mask of concern. Reigen, radiating disappointment in every one of his gestures and quips. Elias, eyes weary, fingers rubbing the bridge of his nose.

Some intervention this is turning out to be.

Jon wants to scream. Wants to reach out and shake someone, anyone, until they admit he’s making sense and it’s the rest of the world that’s gone mad.

Every single one of them (except Martin) could’ve killed Gertrude. He knows he has no proof that they did, but he has no proof that they didn’t either, can’t they see that? If they don’t want him to suspect them, it should be easy for them to actually give him proof of their innocence (like Martin did), instead of just repeating platitudes of “you know this isn’t acceptable adult behavior, Jon” and “you’re better than this, Jon”.

Who cares about knowing better or acceptable behavior when it’s your very life on the line? He’s half tempted to throttle the con artist, see how dignified or adult he is when he’s the one with a murderer on his tail!

…Not that Jon is a murderer. It’s just the principle of the thing, is all.

“Jon,” Elias says, tone soothing in all the ways he doesn’t want it to be. “This is absurd. This goes far beyond an unhealthy work environment. I’ll admit it’s partly my fault for letting it get this bad, I should have intervened earlier.”

Reigen cuts in with a hand gesture that is as effusive as it is dismissive. “That doesn’t make his behavior okay, Bouchard-san. It may be bad here, but Jon chose to follow me, Tim and Sasha, and yell at Martin, rather than going to the police or paying a detective, like Herlock Sholmes or something.”

Jon sputters. “Wh- It’s Sherlock Holmes, not—and he’s fictional!”

Reigen blinks sleepily, one eyebrow raised. “Oh? That doesn’t sound right. Are you sure?”

“Yes!” Jon all but shouts, rapidly reconsidering his stance on braining the sardonic little git with his tape recorder. “Don’t you even—an-and you’re deflecting again! Just like with your ridiculous ‘haunted gun’ nonsense!”

“I’m not!” Reigen says, clearly deflecting. “I’ve seen this kind of thing loads of times as the number one psychic. When a weapon kills lots of people over 100 years, the bad energy gets bigger and bigger until the gun grows an evil spirit and is hungry—”

“I refuse to believe Gertrude Robinson was murdered by a sentient blunderbuss!!”

“Be that as it may,” Elias interrupts, shooting them both a stern frown. “This is exactly the kind of thing I was talking about, Jon. Given how badly it’s affected your work ethic, I will be taking direct action to ensure it does not continue.”

Jon can feel his shoulders hunch almost against his will, dread pooling in his stomach at the thought of whatever punishment is about to be unjustly inflicted on him.

Only Martin looks half as worried as he feels, glancing between him and Elias nervously. By contrast, Tim looks downright triumphant, smirk nasty and vindictive. Sasha’s somewhere between those two, not openly celebrating his soon-to-be-downfall, but not acting like she’d lift a finger on his behalf either, though he’s unsure why that feels like it should surprise him. She’s always been as neutral as Switzerland.

Reigen, oddly enough, has more in common with Martin than with Tim. He’s staring at Elias like he’s waiting for a bit of news he knows he won’t like.

Jon thinks he’d appreciate that more if he wasn’t about to be unfairly lambasted simply for trying to stop a murderer and bring justice for an old woman who probably died frightened and alone. Much like Jon probably will once he’s been hobbled by whatever Elias is about to say next.

“Such as by restricting access to the archives from members of the public who are ultimately doing you more harm than good.”

…Wait.

What?

“What?!” Tim, Martin, and Sasha echo.

Reigen glances between them all, blinking in confusion.

Jon shares the sentiment entirely. His punishment is…for someone else to be removed from the archives? Someone he doesn’t employ or even like that much, no less?

He must have misheard, surely.

Though maybe not, given how Tim looks aghast, glancing between Elias and Reigen. “Okay, no, Reigen’s clearly not the problem here—”

“I’m very sorry, Tim, but Jon has made several remarks about the disruptive nature of Mr. Arataka’s presence in the archives.” Elias sighs. “From the arguments like the one we just witnessed to the nonsensical purchases of oddities inspired by his presence, such as Duolingo subscriptions,” Meaningful glare at Jon who resists the urge to clutch his phone guiltily, “That are now billed on the Archives’ expenses, it unfortunately seems as though he is dragging down productivity for all of you as an active stressor.”

“But we’re much better equipped to take statements from people who don’t speak English because of that!” Martin protests, stepping forward. “Isn’t it an advantage to have a more, more international perspective for our work?”

“One positive in a sea of negatives does not an advantage make.” Elias says, sounding infuriatingly like he’s misquoting something. “And really Martin, how realistic is it that this would help in more than a few isolated cases? I expected better from you.”

Martin’s face crumples, and his shoulders hunch, making himself smaller.

Jon finds his own mouth opening to—what? Say something? What would he even say?

Luckily, Sasha intervenes before he can dig his own grave further. “That’s as may be, but he’s a wonder for morale. He and Jon are funny, not anything serious, and I don’t think we’d have come to you about Jon‘s behavior unless he encouraged us to—”

“Which only fits into the delusion where Jon feels an outsider is rallying his subordinates against him, which is not good for his paranoid outlook.” Elias replies calmly. “And it’s never a healthy work environment when one employee feels the others are making them the butt of a joke.”

“I’d say that’s not as bad as when the boss feels he has the right to violate everyone’s privacy whenever he wants to just ’cause he’s feeling sad!” Tim growls.

Elias begins to answer, before Reigen finally speaks up.

“Sorry,” The con artist says carefully. “But you are…«I know this one…» banning me from the Archives? Yes?”

“That is the long and short of it, yes.” Elias says, grudgingly

“Why?” Reigen challenges, eyes hard and searching. “What have I, personally, done that’s wrong here? What behavior do I need to correct?”

There’s a moment of silence. The whirring of the tape recorder sounds uncomfortably loud.

“Mr. Arataka, are you currently under the employ of the Magnus Institute?” Elias asks, brow furrowed.

“Ah, no, no, but—”

“Are you looking to become employed by the Institute at this point in time, as a prospective member of the Archival Staff?” He fires off rapidly.

“Su-Sorry, but if you could just go a little slower—”

“Then I am afraid that unless you’re looking to fill out an employment contract or a Statement form, we cannot help you, Mr. Arataka.” Elias spreads his hands wide. “We are an academic institution, a place of research and learning. The Institute cannot allow for social dalliances on company time, especially not when those visits are negatively contributing to the work environment and the wellbeing of our staff.”

Tim throws up his hands, “I-I cannot believe this!”

Reigen’s mouth works soundlessly for a moment.

“Arataka is my…what do you call it? First name?” He says, at last. “Using it in this context is…inappropriate. Please call me Reigen, if you would, Bouchard-san.”

“Of course. My mistake, Mr. Reigen.” Elias does have the decency to look somewhat abashed. “Though, regrettably, I am going to have to ask you to leave the premises within the next twenty minutes, or I will be forced to call security.”

Reigen nods, jerkily, hands stuffed in his pockets.

Jon almost wants to call out to the fraud as he turns to go, grab him by the shoulder, pick another argument, something. He knows he should be happy, be glad that this thorn in his side will finally stop bothering him, but instead he just feels—befuddled. Off-kilter.

What happened to the man who once spent three hours arguing for the “spiritual effectiveness” of entirely performative and useless rituals, saying that ensuring his clients left his office fooled and contented was better than actually uncovering genuine supernatural forces and learning all there was to know about them? Why is he going so-so easily now, when he’s made Jon fight tooth and nail in every debate he’s had with the so-called psychic?

At the door, the con man pauses.

“Bouchard-san. You said I could come back if I had a statement to give?”

Elias shifts in his seat, looking bemused. “W-well, yes. That is a service we do provide. Of course, the statement would have to be genuine, and verifiable as such before we let you back into the Archives.”

“We don’t even do that for most of the rubbish we do take,” Tim mutters under his breath, and though Jon is glad he’s not the one being shot a quelling look, he does have to agree.

The con man turns back.

He’s got that smirk on his face that immediately puts Jon’s hackles up on instinct, prepared to argue against whatever inane point he’s come up with now to defend his phony psychic title.

“Gotcha.” Reigen says, far too cheerfully. «Ja ne.»

Then he strolls out of the office, as cool as a cucumber.

Jon could even swear he hears him whistling as he makes his way down the stairs.

There’s a moment of stunned silence.

“I’d do him.” Sasha pipes up, unhelpfully.

“Sasha!” Martin hisses, scandalized. “D-don’t you have a, a—”

“Oh, I don’t have to worry about that.” She remarks, far too blasé for someone in a newly committed relationship. “Tom’s heard about him too, and he agreed he’s just our type.”

“And I’m not?” Tim jokes, but there’s a hard edge to it that Jon’s found himself increasingly familiar with in the past few weeks.

Sasha shrugs with a mischievous little smile, as if that mattered very little to her.

Elias coughs. “Right. Well. Whatever your relations to Mr. Reigen are, please try to limit them to outside the workplace in future.”

The rest of the intervention is surprisingly subdued. Elias gives Jon access to the footage from the cameras in the rest of the Institute, and Tim bodychecks him on the way out of the office, muttering about how nice it must be to never face any consequences for his actions. Sasha follows, the way she won’t meet his eyes a condemnation in its own right.

Even Martin doesn’t say anything to him, just bites his lip and hurries past back down to the Archives. It doesn’t sting. It doesn’t.

Even as he settles in to watch and rewatch the CCTV records of Gertrude’s last week alive, Jon can’t shake the ridiculous feeling of foreboding that’s dogged him since Reigen left.

Most of him wants to say it comes from the fact that despite the fact that Reigen has not appeared in any of the camera records for the Magnus Institute before he started his term as Head Archivist in 2016, isn’t banning him from the Archives just letting the con man run around London with impunity, with no way for Jon to ascertain his movements or motives? That instead of solving a problem, Elias has just given a potential murderer free reign to escape?

But a small part of Jon, one that never could deny the sensation of being watched, that is frozen in second-hand terror whenever he reads a Statement, knows, Knows that it this stems more from the idea that the fraud will actually accomplish what Elias has unwittingly challenged him to do.

The illogical but pervasive surety that he will do so.

Jon’s not sure if he’s more afraid that Reigen Arataka will vanish entirely, another unfortunate victim become an unsolved mystery.

Or that he’ll come back, and bring whatever he’s managed to unearth on his insane quest with him.

#the magnus archives #tma #mob psycho 100 #mp100 #reigen arataka #mp reigen #jonathan sims #jon sims #martin blackwood #timothy stoker #elias bouchard #not sasha #tma not them #tma s2 #jonmartin #(just a little) #(as a treat) #Elias: you cant come back unless youve been traumatized #Reigen: challenge accepted #Elias: wait no—

[dere-boys]

Minho Dere-Types Headcanons

With our powers combined, we have finally managed to get the Minho headcanons done! Sorry it took longer than anticipated. We hope you enjoy these and look forward to seeing more content from us!

**Content Warning: These will also include NSFW headcanons as well. Ff you don’t want to read them, when they start they’ll be marked NSFW and then end when the next dere-type begins. Also please remember that Yandere, Oujidere, and Kamidere tend to deal with toxic/unhealthy/violent themes so reader beware.

Tsundere:

Do not ask this man for anything. He will deny you on principle alone.

He will do what you ask behind your back though when you can’t see him do it and say someone else did it instead of him.

Minho cooks for you but only because you almost set the kitchen on fire once. Please expect him to bring it up every single time you go into the kitchen. Even if you’re only getting water.

Is always secretly happy when you eat everything he makes you though.

Minho will never actually ask you out. At some point you’re just dating. You don’t make the rules.

Jealousy is his middle name.*

He’s very much a human embodiment of “no one is allowed to insult you except me.”

NSFW

“Forces” you to keep eye contact with him while he fucks you.

He wants to see how he’s making you fall apart on his cock so he can hold it over your head later.

*A jealous tsundere Minho is a Minho that will drag you off and fuck you against any surface he can get you to.

Secretly though it’s because he’s insecure and needs to know he’s doing a good job.

Wants you to beg for his cock so he denies you sex because he’s “busy” or just “doesn’t feel like it.”

Will mock you for wanting him so bad.

Literally, the only times that Minho is “soft” with you is immediately after orgasm, or first thing in the morning after a good night together.

Yandere:

Knives.

Yandere Minho can and will cut you up if he even gets an inkling that you might try and run off.

Carved his initials into you at some point.

He did it lightly so that he’d have to go over the scars and cuts again and again.

Hell, sometimes he’ll do it just because he wants to see you squirm and make you feel like you’ve done something wrong.

Evil laugh. Will do it when you say something “stupid.”

Out of all the yandere boys, be scared of Minho the most. You literally can never tell what he’ll do next.

Loves commanding you around because when you follow through he thinks you’re doing it out of fear that will become love.

NSFW

Did I mention knives?

He won’t hold the knife to your throat while he fucks you but he will press the tip to your clavicle to make sure you know who’s in charge.

Bloodplay. If he does feel like cutting you he likes to collect you blood on his fingers. “This belongs to me too, every part of you does.”

Likes to gag you.

Will pull your hair (if you have it) until you’re crying.

Even if you don’t cry completely he likes it when you get glassy eyes and blotchy-faced.

Yandere Minho wants to break you in all ways he can because then you’ll love him right?

If you have piercings he likes to bite and pull at them too hard.

Kuudere:

He’s not cold really, he’s just mostly impassive.

Getting Minho to react is an adventure. Good luck with it, because it won’t happen.

Unless you do something dumb, then he might show the tiniest bit of emotion to it, but very small.

He’s very transparent with you. Blunt is an understatement.

This can be good or bad depending on what you want or what you’re expecting.

Minho has made you cry before. It was… not pretty.

He didn’t mean to but he also had no idea how to stop it and passed you off to Chan to make you feel better.

Still, he hopes you appreciate his honesty and lack of ability to hold back.

The good news about this is that if someone is bothering you? Nope, now they sure aren’t if Minho is there next to you to unnerve them into leaving you alone.

NSFW

Doesn’t like wasting time so he will ask you for what you want before even starting anything.

Not much of a talker/moaner but when he feels good he’ll dig his fingers into your ass/hips.

Loves having you ride him but likes to guide you on his cock not just lay there.

Also, would never tell you, but he thinks the way you look when you’re on him like that is breathtaking.

Minho’s indifferent, but he’s not an asshole so he’ll make sure he’s not hurting you in any way.

That means he watches you very intently to check if you’re uncomfortable but won’t necessarily ask you outright.

Because of this, he knows exactly what you want and how you like it.

Aftercare includes making food which he passes off as “I was hungry and thought of you after, so you should eat.”

Still, you never quite believe him when it’s your favorite food. Not that he’d admit it.

Oujidere:

Makes you wear a collar. He wants everyone to know who you belong to.*

Keeps you on his lap but pretends you’re not there.

Spoiled. He wants you to do everything for him and will “command” you to get him things often.

This also includes picking his clothing for him and please be correct with your choices, if you aren’t he’ll scold you for your taste and shame you publicly.

The only times he turns into an “Angry King” are when he thinks you’re paying attention to others more than him or when you mess up something “simple.”

Punishments with him for disobeying or acting out of turn include kneeling at his side for hours and waiting on him, hand and foot even more than usual.

His cats are also royalty. Treat them as such.

NSFW

*That collar comes in handy when he wants to play.

Daytime Oujidere Minho is more of a spoiled prince but nighttime Oujidere Minho is… well this is where he reminds you physically what your place is.

Now, gentle is not the word to be used with him exactly, but he’s not as rough as you had first expected.

Probably because Minho kind of likes keeping you around and if he breaks you, that won’t be possible.

Not an outright exhibitionist but he certainly won’t stop if someone sees.

In fact, the more people that know who owns you the better.

If someone walks into his room or his studio and he’s fucking you? Literally won’t stop.

Kamidere:

Forces you to meet his eyes by grabbing your chin with his hand. It’s his favorite move.

Minho doesn’t like getting his hands dirty because he’s beneath that. If you mess up expect someone else to dole out punishment.

He just wants to see the aftereffects and belittle you for them.

Public shaming will include literally making you get under his boots and apologize for hours.

If he gives you anything it’s because it directly benefits him but he expects you to be thankful for it.

Requires you to shower him in praise but will never act like he wants it from you.

NSFW

He likes seeing you do all the work, and you better not complain ever because you’re lucky to be where you are.

And just because you’re on top does not mean you’re in charge, he’s still calling all the shots and he will make sure you don’t forget it.

He likes it when you scream and doesn’t care who hears.

If Oujidere Minho marks you with a collar, Kamidere Minho marks you with his teeth. Everywhere.

He will bite hard enough for you to bleed mostly because he can and mostly because he wants the marks to last.

Will bring in other people to fuck you so he can watch and make you say how they’re nowhere near as good as him and that you want his cock only.

Shundere:

He’ll get very snappy with you and feel bad immediately after.

Sad Minho wants you to see him strong so he’ll never cry in front of you. You still hear him though, when he thinks you don’t.

A way to make him feel better is to bring him food when he’s not expecting it.

He loves cooking for you so you cooking for him is a way of showing without outright saying that you’re there for him and you care.

He’ll spend hours in the dance studio trying to work the sadness out of himself but it doesn’t help much.

Has trouble falling asleep so you often stay up with him and watch videos to try and cheer him up.

You will call in Jisung to double team the sadness away if possible.

NSFW

Probably the few times he’s most vulnerable is when he’s physically intimate with you.

Shundere Minho is bad with words just like the others, but he’ll certainly try and show you just how much you mean to him.

We’re not saying that he’s cried in bed before but...

Also, just never knows how to apologize right, but he’s very good at showing it with actions in bed.

Hard and slow is the way he does it. He doesn’t want to rush things, he wants to feel everything and make sure you feel it too.

This can lead to very very long sessions that leave you exhausted and blurry around the edges.

Aftercare is very soft and very warm, and when Minho thinks you’ve fallen asleep he’ll tell you how much he loves you.

Don’t ever tell him you heard him though, he won’t react well.

Nyandere:

Breed: Mainecoon

You need to treat him like royalty. He sharpens his claws.

No but seriously, Minho is a very sassy cat hybrid.

He’s also a little weird when you get to know him more but he’ll never admit that out loud so you shouldn’t either. He needs to keep his air of ‘fancy’.

He will complain if you don’t provide him his favorite food.

Also will complain if you stay out for too long, he needs attention from you.

Mostly Minho just likes to complain...

Refuses to go to bed with you, but you always find him next to you when you wake up in the middle of the night. By morning he’s gone again.

NSFW

Brat. Brat. Brat.

Insatiable. Always wants to do things at the worst times.

This includes before a concert, immediately after a concert, when you’re on the phone with your friends/family, right before you need to go to work, you get the picture…

Also he doesn’t care who knows he’s horny and wants you. Cat-boy Minho knows no shame.

Be sure to take off his collar before doing anything. He likes it when you leave marks on his neck.

Make no mistake though, he is not submissive in the slightest. He just wants what he wants and you better give it to him.

Gets pretty clingy so please do not try to leave the best post-orgasm even to clean up. He’ll get grumpy.

If you’d like to request some headcanons for other boys here’s our available list to choose from! - Dere-Boy Lineup

If you’d like to submit a dialogue prompt for Minho or any of the other boys here’s how to do that! - Submission for Dialogue Prompts

And here's our masterlist if you wanna see what we've already written! - Masterlist

Thank you so much for reading! - ❄️ & 🌻

#lee minho #minho #leeknow #stray kids headcanons #minho headcanons #leeknow headcanons #kpop headcanons #headcanons #skz headcanons #stray kids #skz #leeknow x reader #minho x reader #skz x reader #stray kids x reader #smut #non graphic smut #❄️ admin #🌻 admin

[ssa-daddyhotchner]

The Struggle of Loving You - Chapter 23

Chapter Selection

"Are you passing all your classes", I grinned and groaned.

"Yes they're fine, all A's" I pulled the blanket up and tucked the sheets under the bed. Aaron walked over to me from the other side of the bed and wrapped his arms around me. "I'm just making sure you're okay... it's in a week you know."

I looked at him in his eyes, "Aaron, I know when my graduation is..."

"Who else is going?", I glanced at him in confusion and started walking out of the room. "What do you mean?" I went into the kitchen and started digging through the fridge. 

"Y/n I know I'm not the only one going to your graduation, your friends are going to be there with you. Did you not invite anyone else?"

I stood up and shut the fridge, I shook my head. "No other friends?, family? At least your parents." My head snapped to his, "Definitely not my parents." I took a step back, putting some distance between us. 

"Ok... ok, can I ask why?" 

"Not right now, can we stop taking about this. I just wanna get Jack and leave... please." We had to pick Jack up from Hayleys. I wasn't really on good terms with my parents, my siblings they lived everywhere and had their own things to worry about. 

I hadn't talked to them in a few years. It would just be awkward to have them there, probably silently judging me the whole time. That's only if they actually showed up. 

"Come on", he grabbed my hand and interlaced our fingers. I wasn't in the mood to talk anymore. 

The question just brought up too many old feeling that I'd rather not feel again. Aaron respected that and didn't try and force a conversation. He started the car and drove over the Hayleys. 

Pulling into the driveway we saw the familiar car parking out front. "He's still dating her." I mumbled. Jack ran out of the house and I helped him into the car, Hayley always avoided wanting to see us. We left right after not wanting to cause any problems. 

"Hi", he looked at Jack through the mirror. "Hey bud, how you doing?" He shrugged his shoulders, moving his bag to the empty seat next to him. "Okay I guess, they were fighting again this morning."

"Again?", Aaron glanced backwards. "Yeah, he was blaming her... I don't know I wasn't really listening." Jacks voice got lower and he rested his head on the window, looking at the passing cars. 

How did she think this was going to affect Jack... his parents got divorced cause of her mistake. A mistake that she was still with, even at Jacks age he's not dumb.

He knows what happened, at least I know I did. Aaron continued driving, he didn't want to go back home. Being the good dad he was, he tried to cheer Jack up. Taking him some place he's been wanting to go for a while now. 

He parked the car and we got out, Jack clung onto my hands. His face going from upset to happy in a matter of seconds. "Come on", Aaron led us inside the skating rink and we got our skates. "Do you need any help?", I asked Jack going over to the floor. "No I got it." 

Aaron and I hung back watching him try on his own. As soon as his foot hit the floor he fell. We were going to help but he insisted he was fine. We stayed, watching him try and get the hang of it. 

"Let's go", I grabbed Aarons hand and he didn't move. I snapped my head to look at him, he shook his head. "Not happening." 

I chuckled, "Is this why you didn't put on the skates, cause you don't know how to." 

"I know how", I let go of his hand and went onto the rink without him. "Oh yeah Hotchner— prove it." I joined Jack and we went around in circles, constantly passing Aaron. Leaning against the wall I went by him and pecked his lips. 

A smile formed on his face and he dipped his head down.

Groaning to himself muttering, "This is so stupid." He sat down and threw on the skates. 

Going in another circle I went to look at Aaron but he wasn't there. I felt someone grab my hand and my first instinct was to punch.

The hand grabbed my fist and brought it down to my side, "That's a little violent." I face palmed and laughed with relief, "Sorry about that, and look at you. Couldn't pass it up huh." 

"Yeah you know it just looked like too much fun to hang back." I started showing off going backwards and watching Jack come up behind Aaron. ___________________

"Ready?", I looked at myself in the mirror. I let out a shaky breath, "Hell no, what if I trip on stage cause this gown is too long." 

Putting his head on top of mine, he kissed the top of my head. "Then I better get a video of it, show it to every—." 

I turned around and smacked his shoulder, "Don't you dare." I said playfully. "Since when did you start to think you can tell me what to do?" My mouth turned upwards, "When I clearly became the better one in this relationship."

We walked out of the bedroom and into the living room, "Now I'm not going to be up there with you, try not embarrass yourself." My face when still with a very small smirk, "Yes sir." 

I went through the door and into my car. I left Aaron's going to my apartment. 

I was going to try and get ready with Chloe, it started in less than three hours. Driving I walked up the stairs and unlocked the door. Anthony and Andrew were sitting in the kitchen, enjoying the food that was in the fridge. "Look who's here, where have you been?" 

I raised my eyebrows at them both, them started laughing, "Never mind." 

I hummed and headed to my room, getting the gown from the back of my door. "Chloe!", I called out waiting for a response. She came with the clothes she was going to wear. 

"What?"

"Where's the pair of heels you gave me?", she rested on the doorframe. "The black ones?" 

"Yeah can I get those", she left and gave me the shoes. I went through my closet and grabbed the black skin tight dress I had and threw on the heels. 

Applying some light makeup I walked back out to the guys, "Oh shit, look who's actually trying." 

"Oh fuck off, how do I look?", I spun around, facing them again. "Like if I didn't know you I'd be trying to hook up with you." I chuckled and placed a hand on my chest, "Aww that's so sweet." The guys were already finished getting ready.

Wearing a white button up and a pair of khakis.

We had a little more than an hour to get to the ceremony. "Chloe come on." I heard the clicking of her heels and she came out to us. Her appearance matched mine and we all walked out together and drove over. 

Getting out of the car, we saw the crowd of people outside and the amount of cars. Inside was worse, there were people everywhere, Chloe and I went into the bathroom and put on our cap and gown. "You ready?"

I let out a deep sigh, "Nope... but we kind of have to so, let's go." We took our time walking to the chairs we were assigned to. I turned my head trying to look for Hotch, when he texted.

Aaron - More to the left

Cocking my head to the side, there he was. Smiling at me, I could see how proud he was in his eyes. We waved and both of us turned our attention back to the stage. The principle stepped on and started talking. I had zoned out for the majority of the graduation.

Just wanting to get it over with, my body was filled with anxiety. Even through we practiced a hell of a lot I still never felt prepared. The valedictorian started and I really didn't pay any attention to that. I always hated her, her name was Allison and she just always. went. on and on about— well everything.

I found her voice grating. "Now we will go on and start with the class of 2011." I whispered to myself, "Oh shit." One by one the students walked across the stage.

And the closer they got to me the more my heart raced. The more my face got red, thankfully the makeup was hiding most of it.

"Chloe Prescott", he called her up. As she got up she shook my hand and mumbled, "Good luck." Chloe walked away and shook the hands of everyone on stage. She got off and they took her picture. I saw her go over to Aaron and say something into his ear.

What the hell. "Y/n L/n", whatever it was I didn't have the time to think about it when they called my name. I got up, trying not to collapse where I stood.

Grabbing my degree from the principle I thanked all of them and walked off. That was it, I was out of it never realizing I was already standing next to Aaron.

"Congratulations", I huffed and smiled looking at him. Still being in front of everyone I couldn't do what I really wanted. Staying until it was over I was joined by my friends in the lobby.

"You're coming out with us tonight no exceptions", Anthony pointed at me. Aaron looked down as he started walking away. "Hold on", I went over to him, leaving the group. 

"Where do you think you're going?"

"I don't want to keep you from them", I put a reassuring hand on his. "Aaron... you're not keeping me. I want my boyfriend there to celebrate with me, you're going."

___________________

Permeant taglist : @errorcosplay67 @wanniiieeee @oreogutz @aberrant-annie @filthyq-tip-blog @hotch-meeeeeuppppp 

#aaron hotch fanfiction #aaron hotchner x reader #Aaron Hotch Hotchner #aaron hotchner #aaron #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotchner fanfic #Criminal Minds #fanfic #fanfiction #hotch #hotchner #SSA HOTCHNER #writing

[quidfree]

prompts,.,, fem tdbk and a date gone very wrong ? ❤️

ohhhh my god anon. pump this shit directly into my veins i love this whole premise let’s go. also all inspired by whatever the fuck horikoshi was doing in this 

just so everyone is on the same page here, it is not a fucking date.

it’s lunch. a singular lunch. people do that shit all the time. even katsuki does lunch, sometimes. she went to that semi-shitty diner place with kirishima that one time when the food hall was shut because some dumbass first year exploded into goo or whatever. and todoroki does lunch, too- her and deku were on some shitty lunch date like a week ago, as evidenced by deku’s even shittier selfie of them having a grand old time doing whatever the fuck they do alone.

fuck, not a shitty lunch date. a shitty lunch. whatever.

the point is lunch is a normal non-date thing people do, and the fact katsuki and todoroki are maybe not the usual suspects for it is just circumstantial. it’s not like they planned it ahead of time, or made some big thing about it. they literally arranged for it in public, so obviously todoroki didn’t think there was anything weird about it. and there isn’t! they’re both going to be in tokyo on the same day, and todoroki’s always happy for any excuse to spend less time with her old man, and katsuki sure as fuck wouldn’t turn down an opportunity to avoid her hag of a birth-giver for a few blissful hours, so when todoroki had very nonchalantly gone ‘oh, bakugou, we could do lunch then”, it wasn’t like she had any real reason to tell her to go fuck herself. like, yeah, maybe a year ago, on principle, she would have, but even katsuki can only take so much trauma-bonding before she resigns herself to the reality that she’s stuck with half ‘n half for life, one way or another, and she may as well suck it up and approach civility because said moron is determined to ignore her open malice until she plays along anyways. they’re... you know, whatever. friends. or something. jesus.

the point being that it’s not a date, and the fact that she’s getting increasingly annoyed at her limited wardrobe is just because she would have packed more shit if the crone hadn’t insisted that they ‘pack light’ so they could get cheaper train tickets for less luggage. it’s just annoying that she can’t wear anything that’s not screaming holiday.

it occurs to her as she sits and scowls at her suitcase that her mother has been watching her from the doorframe for some undetermined amount of time, which is criminal mainly because she’s a goddamn hero-to-be and getting snuck up on by anyone is a blight upon her good name. she tries to disguise the ego damage dealt by glowering murderously in her progenitor’s direction.

“what the fuck do you want?”

“you know,” the she-devil says, cocking a hip, “if you want to borrow something nicer...”

“i wouldn’t be caught dead in your shitty clothes!” katsuki snarls, which prompts the witch to immediately scowl back.

“watch your damn mouth!”

“watch your waistline! no way in hell are we the same size!”

“why you little-”

the interruption at least reminds her that she is obsessing over her clothes ahead of meeting todoroki for lunch, which is so humiliating it kickstarts her brain again long enough to grab some normal shit and get the hell out of there.

on the walk she checks her phone again. the previous day she’d had to bite the bullet and make the first move, todoroki’s infamously terrible communication skills making themselves known once more, and their ensuing conversation had been so mortifying she’d nearly cancelled all-together.

to: Half ‘n half

Yo asshole are we still meeting tomorrow or what

I’m busy as shit

from: Half ‘n half

Yes. TS

to: Half ‘n half

What the fuck is TS

from: Half ‘n half

I was signing off.

to: Half ‘n half

SIGNING OFF ON YOUR OWN TEXT

YOU THINK I DONT KNOW YOUR DAMN NAME

from: Half ‘n half

[Pin attached]

Does here at 12.30 work for you?

to: Half ‘n half

Yeah whatever

Don’t be late

And don’t think I’m forgetting the fucking signing off thing

from: Half ‘n half

Glad you can make time for mockery in your busy as shit schedule.

the venue looks like some rich person shit, which she semi-expected, but it means a lot of people give her weird looks as she makes her way inside, probably on account of the shorts and t-shirt she’s wearing if not her general vibe. some old woman actually drags her purse to her, which makes katsuki sorely tempted to bare her teeth and maybe hiss for effect, though she settles for scowling and shoving her hands in her pockets. it’s 12.27, because she wasn’t going to be late but being any earlier would have given off some dubious impression that she’s eager to see todoroki, except now she kind of wishes she’d just come for 12.30 because if there’s some reservation bullshit she gets the feeling she’s going to start fighting with the waiting staff, and then-

“bakugou,” todoroki calls, from inside, raising a hand with unnecessary formality. “you made it.”

“course i made it,” katsuki grunts, absolutely not relieved as she by-passes the suspicious looking waiter to join her outside. “think i can’t ride the damn underground by myself?”

todoroki is wearing jeans cuffed at the ankles and a white t-shirt on top of which she’s thrown on an open button-up with the sleeves rolled up, and she looks casual and normal and incidentally kind of like they dressed to match, but the important part is that she doesn’t look dressed up at all, so katsuki was totally right about the non-date situation, and also isn’t the only one totally underdressed for the shitty venue.

“you look nice,” todoroki says then, completely shattering katsuki’s brief moment of reprieve. “i’ve never seen so much color on you.”

katsuki almost chokes on her own tongue, but the worst part is that the asshole seems completely nonchalant about the weird as shit observation, focused on her stool as she takes a seat on the balcony. which- what the actual fuck? since when does todoroki issue compliments unprompted- of the non-professional variety, at that? and what the fuck does she expect katsuki to say now- return the compliment? say thanks? is this whole thing some kind of exercise in psychological torture?

well, fuck it. she can’t look like a little bitch just because todoroki said something inanely positive. two can play that game.

“yeah. you look half decent yourself. did you hire someone to dress you for the occasion?”

todoroki blinks up at her in surprise, which is totally a win and would make her more smug if she could stop feeling so weird and prickly all over. for a dangerous moment todoroki seems on the verge of blushing, but miraculously the world rights itself and the usual deadpan persists, one brow quirking up in completely feigned ineptitude.

“there was a compliment somewhere in there, so thank you, i think. i thought we were past this vendetta.”

“we’ll be past this vendetta the day you burn your piece of shit hero suit,” katsuki retorts, back on familiar ground, and relaxes long enough to squint down at the menu.

this turns out to be a mistake.

“the fuck? is this whole thing in french?”

“oh,” todoroki says, after a beat. “that makes sense. i thought my english had deteriorated.”

“are you- you didn’t know? you recommended the place!”

“it was the nearest place to our hotel,” todoroki defends, now having the decency of looking slightly put out. “coq can’t mean what i think it means, can it?”

“that’s chicken, asshole,” katsuki hisses, flinging the menu down. “great, now we’re going to have to flag down one of the shithead waiters and ask for a japanese menu. excuse me! hey! yeah, i’m talking to- what the hell, did he just blow me off? hey, jackass! you with the shitty mustache!”

“sorry about that,” todoroki interjects, when mustache asshole turns an offended stare their way. “do you have the japanese menu?”

“we only serve the food in its authentic form,” mustachioed asshole says, with frigid self-satisfaction. “might i suggest google translate?”

“might i suggest my foot up your ass, you shitty-”

“that’s fine,” todoroki says, in a flat tone that implies otherwise. “we’ll make do.”

the waiter sniffs pretentiously as katsuki thinks about all the ways she could beat his ass into next tuesday, running an aggravated hand through her hair when the wind rustles it into her face. she’d half expect todoroki to suggest they fuck off elsewhere, but when she looks back her way she finds an ill-boding gleam of determination in her eyes despite the impassive set to her face, and it’s a testament to how fucked in the head ua has made katsuki that she feels a sort of sick thrill of recognition at the sight. todoroki’s in stubborn bitch mode.

“i’ll have this,” todoroki says, sure enough, pointing to the most expensive item on the menu. “and also this. and one of those.”

the waiter’s eyes nearly pop out of his skull, and todoroki looks unfazed in katsuki’s direction, tapping pointedly at a sleek black and red credit card in her wallet. “bakugou?”

well, if endeavour’s paying....

“sure,” katsuki says, slowly, and then turns her meanest smile the waiter’s way. “i want the frog legs.”

mustache clears his throat, attempts condescension. “we don’t serve that here.”

“you’re a gastronomique restaurant,” katsuki says very loudly, as other clients turn to stare, “and you don’t have fucking frog legs? is this a joke? does this napkin say authentic french cuisine or am i hallucinating?”

“i can ask the chef,” the waiter demurs, casting a nervous glance at the muttering snobs nearby, and attempts an ingratiating smile. “anything else for you, mademoiselle?”

“what did you just call me?”

once the ordering debacle is over, todoroki slants katsuki what may well be an apologetic glance, vaguely contrite frown sitting pretty atop her usual dead-eyed stare.

“i probably should have read up on the place ahead of time.”

katsuki is well within her rights to chew her head off, she thinks, but food’s on the way and she got to yell at the asshole who gave her the once-over when she came in, so she’s feeling forgiving, even in the face of todoroki’s annoyingly doll-faced apology. the bitch really has to do the bare minimum and she looks like a fucking kpop idol.

“yeah, whatever. i always knew you were a shitty ops planner.”

todoroki, who is an asshole, looks relieved at her generous forgiveness for all of a second before she quirks a brow. “between the two of us, i only count one person who has actually spoken the words ‘shoot first, ask questions later’.”

“that was in a training simulation,” katsuki protests, outraged. “and you know damn well the actors were annoying as shit!”

“i did find them slightly too committed to the role,” todoroki concedes neutrally, which totally means she agrees with katsuki 100% and is being precious about it. katsuki scoffs.

“least the view’s decent.”

“the-“ todoroki starts, in weirdly confused tones, until she follows katsuki’s gaze outward and nods in understanding. “oh, the skyline. yes.”

what else katsuki could have meant she doesn’t fucking know: they’re sitting pretty in the middle of tokyo. the only thing the hellhole of a restaurant has going for it at this point is the cityscape.

todoroki stares out into the distance for a good long moment, and with the breeze her negligently loose hair whips this way and that, red and white blur where the two halves mingle. instinctively katsuki itches to braid it flat so it doesn’t tangle. if todoroki asked her she’d tell her to just cut her damn hair into a bob or something- it’s not like icyhot has any attachment to her princess hair, and she’s got the obnoxious bone structure to pull off any length. not that she’d mention this last part. or that she’s given it much thought. it’s just fucking obvious.

if todoroki could keep her mouth shut throughout the rest of the meal, it could be sort of nice. tokyo skyline, and companionable silence, and presumably edible food. worse ways to kill some time, and way less incriminating than anything that may be said otherwise.

“i think this is the part where we make small talk,” todoroki says instead, sadist that she definitely is, as katsuki grimaces feelingly her way.

“no, we don’t.”

“well, we don’t. but this is the part where we should.”

“i don’t even believe you can last a minute of small talk, icyhot.”

todoroki looks pensive, mismatched eyes thoughtful. “...how has your day been?”

“uneventful,” katsuki says, combative, and eyes her watch. todoroki does not give.

“this place seems nice.”

“you don’t even think that.”

“how have you been finding tokyo?”

“noisy.”

“the weather seems-”

“no.”

“you look nice.”

“you said that already, dumbass,” katsuki grunts, palms crackling with sweat, and does not at all read into the way todoroki makes a stupid little movement with her mouth that could ungenerously be interpreted as a pout.

“well, i meant it, so i’m saying it twice.”

“give it up, half ‘n half, just ask me about training.”

“...how is your training?”

“i did this thing yesterday,” katsuki starts, leaning back in her chair, and from then launches into a very technical and barely exaggerated retelling of the batshit insane stunt she pulled off with her quirk the day prior. todoroki’s focused attention is gratifying, in a totally platonic non-weird way- it’s just that her parents couldn’t very well follow why exactly said stunt was as insane as it is, but todoroki obviously can, and also there’s that thing with todoroki where pulling a reaction out of her ice queen act is admittedly more satisfying than most people. it has jack shit to do with the fact katsuki’s got a very minor complex about todoroki paying her her dues, and even if it did then that’s entirely fucking reasonable considering she still hasn’t forgiven her for the sports fest incident. 

it is a little weird having todoroki’s sole focus on her outside of hero shit, though. it’s not like they really hang out one on one outside of school or work. it’s kind of- unnerving. yeah. unnerving, to be making prolonged eye contact, todoroki’s expression intent but not intense the way she gets in fight scenarios, frowning lightly because she has resting bitch face but apparently genuinely interested. it’s kind of a relief that todoroki asks questions- moves them safely into a conversation, so katsuki’s not just sitting there talking and sort of dry-throated. fucking waiter, leaving them water-less.

it’s fine. they talk about training, and quirks, and then todoroki pushes her hair behind her ears and leans forward to demonstrate on a small scale this thing she’s trying to do where she melts her ice and refreezes it in rapid succession so it causes what is essentially ice rain, but there’s logistics and shit that need to be worked out for it to work the way she’s thinking it might, and katsuki knows her thermal shit so they start scrawling maths over the napkins, and then bicker over the finer points of first year chemistry, so when the food actually arrives to interrupt them todoroki’s startled blink is weirdly relatable, like she also forgot where they were.

the waiter’s there and gone before they’re really recovered from the brief misplacement, which katsuki registers only when she looks down at her empty glass.

“goddamnit- how hard is it to bring us water?”

“they only offer sparkling,” todoroki says, gravely, then outpaces katsuki’s disgust by placing her hand over her glass, ice rising before she switches hands and melts it down. “tell me if the temperature’s off.”

intensely mollified and trying not to look it, katsuki sips it. “’s fine.”

“okay,” todoroki says, faintly pleased, and tilts her head to look down at her food. “i have no idea what any of this is.”

“moron,” katsuki snorts, except it comes out way fonder than it has any rights to, and from beneath the convenient curtain of hair todoroki’s smiling a little, so she hastily stabs a frog leg and gets to eating before anyone gets any ideas.

the actual meal goes okay-ish. most of the stuff todoroki ordered is extremely pretentious french cuisine, and todoroki secretly has the culinary adventurousness of a five year old, so it befalls katsuki to impatiently attempt every dish and pronounce it edible before todoroki will deign to brave it. she’s still trying to bully an unyielding todoroki into attempting the weird bird soup thing when there’s commotion nearby. it takes the both of them approximately three seconds to spring into work-mode; katsuki’s on her feet poised for a fight before she’s even consciously thought about it, scanning her peripherals, and she doesn’t even need to look to feel todoroki unconsciously covering her back, cool sting of air signalling her quirk at the ready. 

the commotion turns out just to be some old dumbass choking, relaxing them both out of their stances as she falls back to let todoroki ahead. they’re both uber-qualified for first aid shit, but she’s self-aware enough to know even todoroki’s bland reassurances are usually preferred to her bedside manner. unfortunately, the whole entourage seems to be braindead, because they’re all crowding the old guy in a panic while he chokes, his wife in shrieking hysterics.

“oh, my god, he’s choking! he’s choking! sugar-plum, stay with me!”

“fuck me,” katsuki mutters, unethically thinking that she would personally prefer choking to being married to someone who calls her sugar-plum, but todoroki’s pushing ahead with implacable calm, so she trudges after her anyways.

“excuse me. excuse me. i need access to your husband.”

“who are you? don’t touch him! help! get this woman off my husband!” wailing hysteric yells, bosom heaving dramatically. katsuki is starting to suspect she poisoned him on purpose or some shit, because no way does anyone talk like that in real life.

“she’s a fucking qualified first aid provider, lady, shut up and let her through!”

thankfully, the woman seems on the verge of an outrage aneurysm, which drags her focus away from suffocating her choking husband to dramatically pointing at katsuki long enough for todoroki to duck past her and reach the guy as he turns purple.

“how dare you speak to me that way? who do you think you are?”

“ma,” chinless moron number one says, clearing his throat. “i think that’s one of those future pros from TV.”

“what?”

“you know, ma,” chinless moron number two adds, glancing nervously between them. “the one that explodes things. you know. from UA.”

katsuki takes great pleasure in watching recognition dawn in the old cow’s beady eyes, but in any event there’s a hacking noise and then the old man’s coughing out a bone into his plate as todoroki steps noiselessly back from the table.

“he’s fine now. enjoy your dinner.”

“god, that was gross,” katsuki says, as they ignore the woman’s sputtering and return to their seats. todoroki tilts her head. 

“not really. if he’d thrown up it would have been.”

“not the choking guy,” katsuki scoffs, casting a glance back his way. “his wife. talk about theatrics.”

“she seemed more afraid of us than her husband dying.”

“for good reason,” katsuki mutters darkly, spreading out in her chair. “i hate civilians.”

“i don’t think she recognised us,” todoroki counters, pensive, and absent-mindedly takes a bite of the weird soup before she screws her face up like a betrayed kid. “oh. you didn’t say it was sweet.”

the look on her face thoroughly distracts katsuki from asking what other reason the pearl-clutcher could possibly have to be so terrified at the mere sight of them; instead, she chokes back a laugh, stifling a grin. “what are you, five?”

“i don’t think i like this,” todoroki says, mournful, which makes katsuki grin harder. she can’t help it- todoroki looking stupid is her kryptonite. 

“then don’t pick a restaurant where you can’t read the menu, next time.”

todoroki’s midway to looking up, but for some reason her expression transforms instantaneously, which makes katsuki reflexively try to quash her amusement. todoroki always gets weird when she’s smiling. 

“next time?”

motherfuck. obviously she didn’t mean next time like next time, she meant next time like- hypothetically, in the future, when todoroki’s on a lunch date with someone else. a lunch non-date. she’s just about stopped sputtering furiously long enough to try and express this sentiment when it occurs to her that todoroki seems- pleased, one eye soft sky-blue when katsuki accidentally meets it, and that draws her up short long enough that she ends up just muttering lamely to herself. fucking todoroki. 

on the heels of this utter embarrassment, she downs the rest of her water, scowls in a neat 180 at everything in sight, and wonders for the first time in her life how the fuck extras get through dates. not that this is one.

it’s fine. they’re done eating, and no one’s died, and katsuki is no longer fifteen and thus mostly trusts her ego to lick its wounds and recover from the ordeal. even if they stick around for desert that’s only another half hour of this to endure. as long as todoroki doesn’t make any sudden moves they’ll be fine.

...the problem is, of course, that sudden moves are todoroki’s modus operandi. katsuki has not forgotten the bitch calling them friends on national television in the same breath that she was vociferously denying them being anything of the sort. in todoroki’s fucked up brain, they’re always ten steps ahead of whatever they actually are- considering katsuki’s come around to privately acknowledging she’d take a couple more stakes through the gut for the asshole, in todoroki’s world they're practically hitched.

platonically. platonically practically hitched. this is not a thing, goddamnit. no matter the weird looks aizawa’s been giving them, or utsushimi’s nefarious schemes, or the alarming cardiopulmonary condition katsuki’s been developing of late. she’s not some shitty yuri protagonist pining over the nearest female bishōnen in her vicinity.

admittedly if she was to pine over anyone it sure as fuck wouldn’t be some guy, but that’s besides the point, since pretty damn near every person on earth is just some guy by her standards, regardless of gender. the fact that todoroki is not one of said people is entirely irrelevant.

her internal irritation is so distracting that she misses the tremors nearby until entirely too late, by which point todoroki’s stupidly perfect brows raise an incremental fraction and she goes: ‘oh’.

when todoroki goes ‘oh’, some shit is about to go down. 

katsuki turns slowly with an impending sense of doom, and sure enough, the sight that greets her is so nightmarish she seriously reconsiders whether the entire day has been just that. 

“don’t freak out,” a giant building-sized deku booms, apologetically, as his hideous giant face stares at them. “it’s just a quirk thing.”

it’s probably a good thing katsuki has gone speechless with outrage, since it permits todoroki’s constantly composed ass to ask useful questions katsuki probably would have coated in a fair amount more threats and cursing.

“midoriya. i didn’t know you were in tokyo.”

“well, i wasn’t meant to be,” deku says/booms like a foghorn, as the restaurant clientele shrieks and stampedes behind them. his sheepish expression is even more punchable when magnified. “it’s a long story. it’s almost sorted out now, though. i just saw you guys from over at the NPA office and thought i’d come ask if you maybe wouldn’t mind lending a hand? i wouldn’t ask but there’s going to be a lot of cleanup and your quirks would be really helpful to-”

“we’ll do it as long as you shut the fuck up,” katsuki yells, to cut him off, massaging her temples. “the monologuing’s bad enough when you’re not about to burst my fucking eardrums, jackass.”

“oh, sorry! i’m trying to be very quiet but this body’s just hard to get used to- thank you so much for helping, i didn’t mean to come bother you on break...”

“it’s fine,” todoroki says, and then seems to realise that her monotone doesn’t reach midoriya’s giant-ass ears and clears her throat, raising her voice to a shout. “it’s fine. let me go deal with the bill and then we’ll go.”

“sorry?” midoriya whisper-shouts, craning his monstrous head closer to them, the sight of which will haunt katsuki for the rest of her life. “i can’t hear what you’re saying!”

“she said she’s going to go pay for our nice fucking lunch,” katsuki hollers, with no small sense of satisfaction, as deku winces and todoroki slinks off. “since you want to come crashing it like a dipshit.”

“sorry, kacchan!” deku begs off, flapping hand gestures creating enough wind to knock over a nearby umbrella stand. “i just thought it would be a lot of help if you came to oversee the fall-out- especially with the building damage-”

“we’re good,” todoroki announces, to katsuki, apparently having given up on matching her in decibels. she’s got that classic hero look on her face, already in work mode, but just when katsuki’s about to do the same and jump into action, the look wavers a little and she frowns vaguely awkwardly. “thanks for doing lunch.”

“huh?” katsuki stutters, thrown, and then scowls at nothing in particular, stalling. todoroki’s the one who paid, albeit indirectly- it’s typically weird of her to be all formal about it all of a sudden, leaving katsuki to attempt to wriggle them out of the awkwardness of the moment. “i didn’t do shit except show up and eat, weirdo.”

“it’s been abnormally hard to show up and eat in the circumstances,” todoroki replies, a little wryly, and more concerningly a little resigned sounding. which is just unnatural, because todoroki may have expanded her range of emotions considerably since first year but resignation is not on her usual roster, and there’s nothing to be resigned about unless she had some kind of vested interest in this whole fiasco playing out any better than it did.

which she didn’t, obviously. katsuki’s been through this. she chose the nearest possible venue and rocked up in jeans and a t-shirt, and- and why is the fact that todoroki never dresses so normally out of class only now occurring to her, again?

she’d said ‘i think this is the part where we do small talk’. the part of what?

“yeah, whatever,” katsuki says, automatically, as her brain plays catch-up, which is the excuse she will forever stick to for what leaves her mouth next. “should have known you’d be a lousy date.”

todoroki goes ‘what?’ at the same moment deku does, ten times louder and more bug-eyed, which reminds katsuki that 1) deku is still there, 2) deku is still as big as his martyr complex, and 3) deku is the fucking worst, and allowing him to trap her into friendship is somehow responsible for this, she’s sure of it. 

“can we go handle this fucking mess or what?” katsuki snaps, instead of screaming or breaking deku’s very large nose or maybe self-immolating in abject humiliation, hands erupting into explosions as she jumps onto the balcony railing. maybe if she throws herself headfirst into the debris she’ll concuss herself and turn amnesiac. 

“um,” deku is saying, when she turns a withering glare his way. “um, yes! yes! yeah! let’s go do that!”

so she jumps skywards, explosions blasting her high into the air, and very scrupulously does not look towards the sounds of slick ice forming just behind her until todoroki skates into her peripheral vision, hair waving flag-like behind her. ahead there’s a building with a crater clean through it where deku must have erupted from, though when she turns to comment she finds him a fair deal behind them, lumbering pace slowed further as he avoids stepping on anyone or anything along the streets. instead her eyes lock on todoroki’s where the latter is staring at her, face unreadable, and she bristles hard enough to disrupt trajectory, correcting course rapidly before she plummets into an office.

“what?”

“i’m a lousy date,” todoroki repeats, neutrally, over the wind. katsuki grits her teeth.

“and what about it?”

she’s bracing for a lot, but not the horrible, sickening eye-crinkle thing todoroki does, dark eye twinkling even as her expression stays carefully impassive. “you think you can do better, then?”

“hah?”

“next time,” todoroki intones, very precisely, and then dips ahead like a complete coward as katsuki goes a color never previously visible to the human eye, sifting through about fifteen emotions before she decides to stick to outrage.

“what the hell? you suck at asking people out, icyhot!”

“you don’t have to say yes.”

“what, you think i can’t do better than this mess? you’re on, asshole.”

“i look forward to it,” todoroki says, gravely, and then there’s a collapsed building to handle and shit to do and if anyone wants to ask why katsuki is so especially gleeful in blowing shit up they wisely keep their mouths shut. she just likes the job, all right.

(for the record, it’s still not a date until katsuki says it is.)

#qui repond #qui ecrit #anon #prompts #tdbk #todobaku #fem todobaku #fem todo #fem baku

[wtffundiefamilies]

This is from 2013, but holy hell I hope Anna finds it.  Entirety of the post beneath the cut; it’s both long and not something people should read with no warning.  But I wanted to copypaste in case the link goes down one day.  It’s insane to me that these “little details” and “clues” are obvious and screaming red flags to people raised in a normal world.  (And no, looking at legal porn is not a “red flag” that someone is a child molester.  But, like...again, given the circumstances I’m not sure what we’d expect; we all saw what Jessa said.)  It’s part one of a series, and it’s amazing just how much this dude sounds like Josh.  And how much their “courtship” sounds like Josh and Anna’s.

Part of my mission, my purpose in life, is to educate others about child predators.  I’m not here to stir up some kind of crazy hype, but to present the facts and to give you a bit of insight as to what happened in my own life.  How was I so blinded to the fact that for forty years I was living with a practicing pedophile?  How did I not see the signs?  How did I not pick up on something being very wrong with the man I married?  

The truth is that I sensed something was wrong even before we got married, but I didn’t listen to my inner being.  I didn’t pay attention to those nudgings that something was wrong.  Why?  Because as a Christian it had been taught to me from little up that people who went to church were good, honest, moral people.  I was taught to trust people who said they believed in God and followed His teachings.  And, I did just that.  I was, unfortunately, one of the most trusting women who ever walked the face of the earth!

Pay attention to this, please!  Just because a person tells you that they walk by the teachings of God does not mean it’s true.  In fact, the word of God warns us against “wolves in sheep’s clothing”, and I learned first-hand just what that meant.  But, it would be years before my eyes were totally opened to this fact. As a bit of background information, I came from a broken home.  My parents divorced when I was fourteen, a sister of mine died when she was thirteen, my mother was an alcoholic, and my father was by today’s terms a “dead beat dad.”  Needless to say, I longed for a different life, and I prayed constantly that God would send a good, righteous, faithful Christian into my life so that I could build a home on godly principles and a firm foundation.

I worked hard all through high school so that I could go to college.  But, I didn’t want to go to just any college.  It had to be a Christian college because I sincerely believed that was the only place I would ever meet a Christian man to marry.  Because I worked so hard all through high school, I earned a four-year scholarship to a four-year state school.  BUT, you guessed it!  The idea of finding and marrying a Christian man was so ingrained in my heart and mind by now that I passed up the scholarship and instead went to a very small, two-year Christian College.  Little did I know that this one decision would lead to so much heartache for me and for those who are most special in my life — my children.  While it’s true that we can’t see around every bend in the road, there are signs and signals along the way.  I didn’t pay attention to anyone who tried to talk to me.  One thing was on my mind — finding a Christian mate!

Every person wants to feel special, and longs to be told that they stand out among all of the rest.  During the summer between my first and second year of college I met a young man who was articulate, bright, funny, witty, and who also told me that I stood out.  He was spending the summer at college and so was I.  A friendship developed, and even though I was engaged to marry someone else, this young man worked very hard every day to convince me that I was with the wrong person.  He pointed out all of the flaws of the man whose ring I was wearing until he finally convinced me to break off the engagement.  That’s a story in and of itself — maybe I’ll share that with you another day.

What was a bit strange to me was that the man I would soon marry had a quiet control over me like nobody ever had before.  Even though I had low self-esteem I was used to making my own decisions and being very independent.  For the first time in my life I found I was reporting my every move to this quiet, shy young man. He told me I was special.  He said out of all the girls on campus I was the only one that he thought was pretty and was a true Christian.  He told me just what I wanted to hear.  It was the word “Christian” that nailed me!  I knew he was the one I had been praying about since my youth!

One of the greatest stories my now ex-husband loved to tell was how he spotted me from across campus and said to his roommate, “See that girl?  I’m going to marry her.”  This was totally absurd because at the time he said that we had not even met!  He later told me he would hide and watch me — study me — and he knew my schedule, when I was going to eat, when I’d walk back to campus, when I would go to work.  He said, “I knew everything about you.  I knew where you were from morning until night. I knew I would marry you.”

Instead of being freaked out and thinking this guy was some kind of stalker psycho, I was flattered.  “He chose me.”  Out of all of the girls around, he chose me and that again was more evidence of answered prayers.  Deep inside, though, was a gnawing feeling that something wasn’t right.  He didn’t talk much.  And, for a man who said he loved God, he made fun of people in a mean way.  He mocked people’s insecurities.  Yes, you guessed it!  He mocked me on several occasions and I felt like a piece of dirt he had stepped on.  He made fun of the size of my nose.  He made fun of my feet calling them “hammer head toes.”  He made fun of the space I have between my teeth.  I cried myself to sleep many, many nights, but still……..he was a Christian man, and he was so nice when we were together in public.  He opened the car door for me (it was my car, by the way).  He paid the bill when we went out to eat and left a nice tip.  (It was my money that he used.)  He talked me into giving him my car (which I had since I was 16) and I found myself asking him for permission to use my own car.  This was really weird!

Why did I put up with it?  Why does anybody put up with abuse?  Because they’ve been so used to being beaten down that they think this is the norm. Please, please — if you’re in a situation like this run for your life!!!  This is NOT the way a good relationship works!  And, it’s a red flag indicator of many other problems — in my case, it was a big red flag that I was being masterfully manipulated.  Groomed to be the wife of a pedophile who was already deeply involved in porn and child sexual molestation!  

Learn to listen for “clues” that a decision you’re making might not be right.  I had BIG clues that I passed off as “odd”, “not making much sense”, “silly”, or “not that big of a deal.”

Clue 1:  For the last four months we dated, my fiance was in Israel doing overseas study.  We corresponded by letter only.  We were to get married less than one week after he arrived back in the states.  In his letters he would write to tell me how he would hide behind the grasses on the beach and watch girls changing out of their clothes and swimming nude.  He said he’d skip class and stay there all day.  In other words, he was openly telling me he was a “peeping Tom.”  This was a test of how far he could manipulate me and I passed with flying colors! I never questioned him about it.  Oh, I cried lots, but I never questioned him!

Clue 2:  He told me while we were dating that he and one of his cousins spent the summers together and they would steal cartons of cigarettes from stores and sneak out of the house at night and smoke the cigarettes and look at “porn” all night long.  Another test!  I looked at him quietly but never questioned him.  If you want to know the truth — I didn’t even know what porn was!!!!!  I had to ask my college roommates.  Again, I was being tested.  Could he get away with doing things right under my nose?  Sure he could. I’d never question a man of God!

Clue 3:  He was almost 21 and his favorite job was to “babysit all the little kids at church for free because he loved to give them baths and powder their little butts.”  I’m totally sick now as I write these words.  Why in heaven’s name didn’t I run from this man? There were so many clues that something was wrong, and I passed them off as being a little odd.  Nothing more — just a little bit odd. In fact, I actually thought this was kind of nice.  I never saw my father get involved in parenting like that, and I thought, “Wow!  This man will make a wonderful father!”    

Porn.  Lying.  Peeping Tom.  A young man who loves bathing and powdering little kids.  Masterfully manipulating.  Gaining the trust of adults. (Church people loved him babysitting their kids!)

I was another one of his victims.  I was being set up. I was being groomed  I would be the perfect alibi for his continued evil behavior.  He was calculating.  He studied me.  He used me.  He used my faith as a means to get what he wanted.  He knew what he was doing! His actions were no mistake.  He worked very hard to plan every detail.  

Listen up everyone!  Please don’t do as I did!  If your gut is telling you something is wrong, it probably is!!! Pay attention to the little details and the little voice that is whispering something is wrong!!!

This is just the beginning of my story.  I will share more in the weeks to come in hopes that others will not be blinded to the facts as I was.   We must get educated about child sexual molesters so that we can protect life’s most precious blessings — our children!

Why am I sharing the ugly, sad parts of my life?  That’s simple.  Because children are beautiful.  Children are precious.  Children deserve to be protected.  Statistics (according to information found here ) tell us that 1 in every 3 girls and 1 in every 6 boys are molested by the age of 18.  Please help me to stop this!  Let’s get educated!  Let’s do all we can to make it incredibly difficult for the molester!  Let’s be vigilant on behalf of our children — at all times!!!

Every child should have the ability to grow up feeling safe and loved and whole and pure!

It isn’t easy or comfortable for me to write about this, but I must.  I must take this terribleness and do something positive with it.  I must work for the safety of our children. Thanks so much for stopping by and for taking the time to read this.  Thanks even more for making yourself more aware of what is going on right under our noses — in our schools, our churches, our camps, our homes.  Let’s do all we can to work together to make this a safe place for our children!  

Love, Clara

#clara hinton #sin in the camp

[alyblacklist]

Do you think the keenler storyline is going anywhere? I used to be sure that it was, I mean why else would they have them kiss and have sex. However now that Liz has been gone for five episodes and she is being quite mean to Ressler (the whole pointing a gun to his head and pretty much telling Cooper about them sleeping together) I feel like a relationship between them will never happen and the writers are just trying to make us forget or dislike Keenler.

Ok, on to the asks about Ressler/Keenler in 8x09 where things were said, but only through contact lenses and earpieces. Thoughts below the jump, because it’s a long post that will (hopefully) address all of these at least in part.

I do think it was Liz speaking through the doppelganger at all relevant times. They haven’t given me a reason not to think that at this point. She knew things only Liz could know. So I assume (unless we get new info) that everything Mia Collins said to Ressler was actually Liz telling her what to say to him (and likewise to Aram and Cooper). I did express to BlacklistRoom on Twitter that they were evil for having faux-Liz call Ressler “Donald” on screen before real Liz does. And at first, I thought maybe that was some sort of signal to Ressler that things were amiss because real Liz wouldn’t do that, but in the end I think it was just the writers playing their usual games. NOT because they hate Keenler or Keenler fans (they’re the ones who made Keenler canon, for God’s sake), but just because they love to toy with fan emotion. They give you a Wing Yee birthday nugget one ep, they throw in a loose “Donald” in another from the lips of a faux-Liz. They know exactly the emotional points to hit if they’re paying attention to social media (and they certainly are, to a point). 

I did catch that accurate observation on Twitter that the doppelganger did not have her finger on the trigger while pointing the gun at Ressler’s head. I’d like to think the actress and crew are careful enough to catch such things as her finger was nowhere near that trigger (and she knew how to shoot that unnamed FBI agent during the chase) so I hope that was purposeful, perhaps as a small signal to the audience that Liz never really intended to hurt Ressler, even though he of course couldn’t see what was going on behind his head. A nod, at least, to the idea that Liz doesn’t really mean to hurt him.

Before I get too much deeper into my personal impressions of the scene, I want to specifically address the anon who wonders if she’s alone in finding it hard to root for Liz or Keenler in all this.

Of course you’re not.

Darker Liz isn’t for everyone. If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me Ressler deserves better than Liz over the past five years, I’d be able to buy you dinner (even at NYC prices). Never mind how many have abandoned the ship over that exact issue or related issues over the seasons. But I also think you know that I don’t share your viewpoint. Maybe that’s why you send me asks, or maybe you’re just using my inbox as an outlet to find those who agree with you. I don’t know and it doesn’t matter (although I admit if it’s the latter, publishing your thoughts on your OWN page rather than in my inbox might be preferable because as much as I enjoy asks to a point, I’m a little tired of ship hand-holding asks. I like what I like and trying to explain it or defend it gets a little tiring.)

All I can say is after five years of deep investment in this fandom and these characters, it takes a LOT more than an absent female lead and a bumpy episode to capsize my ship and send me into the pit of despair. For me, this is the expected price we pay for the ship being canon now versus only at the very end of the show. The Blacklist has never been about showing smooth, happy, relationships. Angst, drama, tension is the name of the game. You have to decide for yourself whether you can stomach that on a week to week basis and especially this season because they warned us – “good AND difficult” – difficult!  - for Keenler. I reconcile the conflict by the fact that Ressler still WANTS Liz and BELIEVES in Liz despite her flaws and if he does, then so do I. The man has some blinders when it comes to Liz, certainly, but not the sort that they love to mock him for on screen. He’s not thinking solely with his male parts brain, he’s thinking with his actual, in his head brain and he LOVES this woman despite her crazy and I love that about him. He’s smarter than most people give him credit for. And I am also of the view that real life and ships do not need to be equivalents. You can love two flawed fictional TV characters without being a person who wants to see those things manifest in real life. (I also ship Wanda and Vision for the record).

So I think we can all agree that this episode – and Liz’s absence generally – has been more “difficult” than good Keenler-wise. Ressler himself told us in those early episodes before her departure that it’s different if you see her, and it certainly is. We’ve been robbed of Liz’s thoughts and emotions entirely ever since she last graced our screen in Ep. 8x04. (And of Ressler’s reaction to said departure, for the most part). At the same time, I think Liz recognizes that too as she hasn’t to our knowledge directly engaged with Cooper, Aram OR Ressler since she left except through surrogates. Purposeful choices on the part of the diabolical writers.

As I said in my earlier ask response tonight, I remain of the view that Liz is in control of her actions and is doing her own risk/benefit assessment in how she responds to the situations she finds herself in. 

I do NOT think that means she has lost all emotion or feeling for Cooper, Aram OR Ressler, but as she explained to Townsend, “Reddington has an army on both sides of the law. I can’t do this alone. I need a partner.” She believes that the Task Force – all of them – are tied to Reddington in their own way, including Ressler, and she doesn’t expect them to violate those arrangements/principles for her. She’s moving outside the boundaries of those relationships to shed light on the secrets that she believes are being kept. Did she involve them this week?  Yes, but I think only because Townsend forced her hand on dealing with his sister. I doubt she would’ve sent her double to the Post Office otherwise. (I totally agree that the Post Office needs better security protocols btw – the idea that Liz can continually breach their defenses has become absolutely laughable at this point).

But, part of that is personal relationships.  She needed Ressler to give her the door codes and he did. Why? Not because he’s her patsy or her f--- boy or whatever derogatory term someone wants to slap on him (!), but because he loves her, flaws and all. The whole letting her go/letting him go thing has always had double meaning, back to S2. 

Cyranoid Liz: You should let me go. Ressler: Those days are over. Cyranoid Liz: Why? Nothing’s changed.

Has nothing changed? He let her go in S2 and then she shot Tom Connolly and he beat himself up over it. Then, the “I can’t let her go” (Ressler pointing the gun in S3 outside the Russian embassy), followed by that car chase and then Red in the next episode, Eli Matchett:

Red: Ressler is a law-enforcement robot. The FBI winds him up– Liz: That’s not true. He’s a person. He’s a good person. Red: Look at me. You need to let that go, Lizzy. I have survived for a very long time now, and I assure you, I didn’t do it by relying on the goodness in people.

I’d submit it has and it hasn’t. All these seasons later, she is once again having a hard time letting him go and so is he (with respect to her).

Ressler: Why’d you call? Liz: I don’t know. I guess– because every time we say goodbye, I’m afraid we might actually mean it.

Both with eyes open wider this time and yet, still wanting the peaceful night, free of all the distractions. 

Yes, he let Liz’s double go physically without much protest. Emotionally? He hasn’t let go of Liz. Not one bit. And Liz saw that, through her cyranoid. He’s still on her side. He still wants to believe in her, no matter what she’s putting him through (and poor Ressler, he’s really enduring a lot – though I hope the tide will turn on that at some point).  He had no reason to open that door, and yet – he did. He doesn’t want that one night to be just ONE night and deep down, I don’t think she does either.

“I won’t give up on you.” 

He hasn’t, yet. “But I still need to do my job, Keen.” She better not push him too far because the day he does is the day I worry. He’s desperate not to repeat the mistakes of the past, he’s desperate to trust her this time. Not because he’s thinking with his small man-part-brain, but with his HEART. He loves her. He’ll do anything he can for her within the limits of his conscience. They are each others’ second chance.

I don’t view Keenler or Ressler’s feelings for Liz or Liz’s manipulations of Ressler as fatal to the ship because I accept that this whole thing – Liz’s mission – is the battle for her soul  that the writers have teased for years . Which side will win? Hopefully the right one. The hopeful one. The one that makes second chances happen.

Cheers.

#keenler #anon #anons

[mrsparknamjoon]

01. the linchpin | reliability • kth

index | next

pairing: taehyung x reader word count: 1.900 genre: drama, light angst rating: pg-13 warnings: cursing au: ceo/office trope: enemies to friends to lovers tags: ceo!taehyung, office!au, best friend!yoongi, unresolved emotional tension, mutual pining, slow burn crosspost: ao3

summary: a predictable mistake in buying shares becomes the perfect opportunity for taehyung to show everybody in the company no one is above his rules. what he didn’t know was that his plan would backfire making him question what the real meaning of trust is

A/N: this story began as a drabble bc i love dramatic scenes, whether in movies, television or books. confrontation is always one of my favorite things about them so i decided to try to write one for the first time ever. clearly i still have a lot to learn but i hope you like it!

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Another meeting, another group of incompetent people that I can't believe I hired. Sitting at the end of a long wood table, I scrolled through my phone reading a few emails while all the shareholders took their positions. It was absurd that I had to call a meeting on Friday night because of a predictable and, quite frankly, stupid mistake but here we were.

“Mr. Kim, we're ready” my secretary said discreetly as she handed me a folder filled with documents.

“Thank you” I replied as I got up from the chair and started spreading the papers on the table in front of me.

“Good evening! First, I would like to thank you all for coming on such short notice. The reason for this emergency meeting is to talk about the purchase of a few Min Industries shares” I paused and gazed into the eyes of everyone present. Some of them were curious, tired, others frightened and one in particular very angry.

“I believe all of you realized that ever since it happened our company has started to fall into devaluation, thanks to someone’s stupid and hasty decision” I continued while looking at the documents before me. “I don't want an explanation about what happened or why it happened, just how we are going to solve it” I turned and faced my main suspect, “Today”

“Mr. Kim, if I may, I think I speak for everyone here when I say that there is nothing legally wrong with the purchase” said Lee Sung, one of our oldest and most efficient lawyers. Still, it was a matter of principle for me and everyone knew that.

“I understand, Mr. Lee, but this is not what I'm worried about” I began calmly walking around the table while elaborating my thoughts, “You see... although Min Industries doesn’t compete directly with us they have affiliates who do. Therefore…”

“Therefore it’s smart to buy the shares precisely because it gives us more control over the affiliates” said Y/N, interrupting me.

I couldn't help the smirking that escaped my lips. Y/N took the bait and it was all I needed. From the beginning, I knew she was the one leading the expansion project and everything was going well until she put my credibility with Min Yoon Gi in check.

Yoon Gi and I are old friends, practically brothers, but our families have a particular rivalry that has lasted for almost 50 years. It is nothing that explicit or dramatic. An outsider wouldn't see the animosity, for example. I see it as a truce, however, it's still a delicate matter for our parents and grandparents. When we both took over the businesses, we agreed that we would not repeat their mistakes and promised to interfere as little as possible in each other's company. If it was strictly necessary, we would have to talk before any steps were taken. That was the deal and that is why I was furious at Y/N's audacity to make a decision like this one. She was aware of our family's situation even if not exactly about what I had promised my friend.

“Are you serious, miss Y/LN?”

“Why would I be kidding?” she replied looking confused, twisting the pen between her fingers like she was bored.

“I have no idea, but to call that a smart decision, one that immediately impacts my company's profit, not to mention my personal reputation, seems like a joke. And a bad one to say the least” I said, staring at her intensely as I approached her chair.

The atmosphere got heavy and I couldn't care less. I was right and everyone knew it. Y/N took a risk, as she is paid to do, but the risk was not worth it and she needed to take responsibility for it. If it was anyone else I would have already fired without even calling a meeting. Luckily, she's a key part of the company and one of the shareholders as well so I decided to scold her in front of others to send a subtle warning that nothing goes unnoticed by me and that measures will always be taken, regardless of the level of the hierarchy. This is my way to send a warning because I don't do threats.

Y/N gulped and shifted in her chair, visibly uncomfortable with my proximity.

“So I'm going to ask you again, miss Y/N: are you serious?” I crossed my arms and tilted my head to the side, watching her try very hard not to lose her composure. I had known Y/N for a long time and she always managed to be as cold as me, yet on occasions where her professionalism was questioned her replies used to be impulsive.

“Mr. Kim, I'll be frank” she started, standing up and walking towards the pulpit next to the projection screen. “It was indeed a risk on my part to put Vante Enterprises ahead of such a high-profile acquisition and, for the embarrassment caused, I sincerely apologize”

“Why do I feel like there's a 'but' coming?” I asked, sitting on the chair that she left vacant.

“But"

“See?” I turned to Seo Nu sitting on my left. He laughed politely because I laughed first. Deep down he didn't think it was funny and just wanted to suck up to me. Clever.

“But I still believe that in the long run, we’ll reap great results… excellent results, in fact! Here's a chart” Y/N pointed at the screen in front of us and began to confidently defend her decision, clearly and calmly, completely different from the Y/N of a minute ago who I thought would lose her temper.

* * * * * * *

The meeting room broke out in applause as soon as Y/N finished presenting a chain of detailed information regarding the shares, and although I was surprised by the level of research she prepared, I was unable to hide my dissatisfaction as CEO by confirming that Y/N still didn't understand the problem.

“Could you guys excuse us?” I looked at Y/N and then at the other shareholders. Since the person responsible presented herself there was no need to keep putting on a show, right? I got up, buttoned my jacket, and returned to my original spot on the table to organize the papers I had left lying there.

While arranging them all in a pile, the room emptied and Y/N approached.

“You love to exaggerate things, don't you?” she snarled looking me up and down.

“You love to ignore the rules and interfere with what doesn't concern you, don't you?” I fired back mimicking her attitude.

Y/N stopped for a moment and studied my expression. For a split second, I could feel a question in the air as if she wanted to know if that's what I actually thought of her — a nosy and unprofessional person who ignored her superiors on purpose. I didn’t. She looked hurt. Still, her voice gave no indication that my response had affected her.

“I love my work! It's great and you pay me well” she said, taking the papers from my hand. “Oh, what do we have here?”

“Don't be childish, give me the papers Y/N” I motioned my hands and closed my eyes feeling exhausted.

“What are these projections? How come I have never seen them before?” Y/N's voice came out louder than before depicting a mixture of shock and disbelief. “There is no actual proof that these companies are connected, it doesn't make sense” she walked back to the pulpit, eyes glued to the documents to compare the numbers and references with the slides she had spent hours preparing.

“Y/N give me the papers, that information is above you” I demanded in a firm tone. “Besides, my intention with today's meeting was to get you to find a solution to your own mess but even that you weren't able to”

“How can I solve it if I don't have all the information, Tae Hyung?” Y/N lowered the papers she was gripping so tightly in front of her face and I could see red, teary eyes along with the angry tone in her voice. She hadn't called me Tae Hyung since college and that felt like a blow in my stomach.

“If I had known that the companies were connected I would have thought twice before buying the shares... I…” Y/N's voice failed but she cleared her throat and continued “...this is your fault!”

“Mine?” I asked dumbfounded.

“You left me in the dark and I made an important decision without having all the information” she pushed the papers onto my chest and started pulling the projector's wires angrily, “This is not what I call trust”

“Seriously? Are we going to talk about trust? Bit ironic, don’t you think?” I started chasing her around the room while she collected her belongings and threw them into a big purse.

Y/N snorted like what I just said was absurd.

“You know very well the situation between my family and Yoon Gi's. I always made it clear that we don't do business with them and yet you went there and did it” I placed my hand on top of her purse, preventing her from continuing what she was doing. “Where is my trust in you now?” I questioned her almost in a pleading tone.

Y/N pulled the purse off the table in one swift motion and I almost lost my balance.

“You know what? You're right. I was wrong” she said, looking defeated. “I shouldn't have shown interest in shares that involved Yoon Gi's company, but you definitely shouldn't have hidden these documents from me either” she continued taking a few steps back, slowly moving away from me. “And that's where you fucked up. You're still obsessed with secrets and rules, keeping everyone who tries to help you away"

“Wait a minute” I interjected. This was unfair, it was not like that.

“I'm not done talking” she gazed at me very seriously and I had no choice but to stop and listen. “I know that we have differing opinions on many things and I have teased you too much in the past 10 years with my analysis and requirements, but I never... I say never... would do anything that would harm the company”

“I know” I whispered, feeling kind of dumb for blurting it all out like that.

“It doesn't look like it” she placed the purse on her shoulder. “For me, you're trying to find a reason to get me out of here”

My jaw dropped in shock. Y/N had no idea how much I valued her work, and at this very moment, I didn't know what to say first. An apology? An explanation? A plea? I could have said anything, but I didn't. Not even a fucking sound. My mouth remained open as my thoughts flew through my mind at a frightening speed, making it look like I was confirming her impression.

“I’m gonna save you the trouble. I quit”

Y/N gave me what looked like a small bow or maybe a quick nod as if to excuse herself and then left the room without another word, leaving me leaning against the table without understanding what had just happened, finding myself, for the first time in a long time, completely alone.

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𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗱 ❤ 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝗲 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗹𝘆 𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝘀𝗸! 𝗶 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘆

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ revised version: 09.25.2021

#taehyung x reader #v x reader #ceo!taehyung #bts au #bts fanfic #bts scenario #enemies to friends to lovers #ceo!au #office!au #light angst #tension #m: kth #paring: taehyungxreader #au: ceo #au: office #genre: drama #genre: light angst #wc:<2k #type: chaptered #kpop fanfic #mrsparknamjoon #reliability #bangtaninn #btsgoldnet #btshoneyhive

[free--therapy]

Overcoming Guilt & Shame

It's important to note that by overcoming shame and guilt, it doesn't mean that we are letting ourselves get away with something that we truly know and believe to be wrong. The point of overcoming it is making sure that we take accountability, responsibility, and coming to terms with what made us feel this way in the first place. There are 5 steps we can take to help us overcome our shame and guilt: assessing the severity of our actions, weighing our personal accountability, atoning for any harm we caused, breaking the silence of our incurred shame, and finally self-forgiveness.

It's suggested that only 1 or 2 of these steps are necessary in helping us overcome guilt, however when it comes to dealing with shame, it's best to try all 5 steps:

1. Assessing the Severity of Our Actions

It doesn't matter how big or small the action is that we feel bad about, we can still feel guilty regardless. It could be as simple as ignoring your mother's phone call to answer your best friend's call, or calling in sick to work when you don't feel like going in, and so on. Our evaluation of how serious our actions or thoughts are depends on our values and rules that we create for ourselves. It'll always be subjective and what we may feel guilty about, another person won't feel guilty in the same situation. If we often feeling guilty or ashamed, it means that we are either living our lives in a way that ends up defying and violating our own values and principles, or we may be judging ourselves too seriously on things that aren't as serious as we may believe. How can we assess how serious our actions are? Consider the following:

Do other people think this is as serious as I do? How come?

Would there be anyone else consider it less serious? How come?

How serious would I consider this to be if my friend did it instead of myself?

How important will this situation seem in a month from now? 1 year? 5 years?

Would I consider it to be serious if someone did the same thing to me?

Was I aware of the consequences or meaning of my actions/thoughts? Based on that, are my current judgments applicable?

Did I cause any damage? If I did, can I still make things right? If yes, how long would it take to do so?

Is there a more worse action I could have taken and didn't?

2. Weighing Personal Accountability

Weighing how much of what we have done and our perception of the wrongdoing is up to us now to take care of. To do this, we must evaluate the situation we're feeling guilt or shame about by starting to consider everyone and every aspect involved in the situation, including ourselves. "Aspects" or factors can be something like alcohol being involved, owing someone money/debt, the time of day (late at night where people are tired), or knowing that the certain people involved in our situation may have experienced abuse in their life as well. Anything that may have relative responsibility to the situation. Create a list, whether on paper or in the mind, and assign values to how big of a responsibility they may have in the particular situation.

Example: Having an angry outburst at a spouse for complaining about not paying bills on time. People responsible for my angry outburst: - myself: 60% - looming debts: 20% - spouse: 12% - 11pm at night: 8%

Compiling a list like this won't entirely help to eliminate guilt however, because there are situations where we should still feel guilty for doing something wrong. That guilt will help us to make amendments and atone for what we have done, but we can manage it in a way where it becomes something productive as opposed to it being another thing we turn on ourselves as a way to self-sabotage (shame). Making these sorts of lists will help us to realize that not everything is entirely our fault in situations where we feel guilty, which can help us feel a lot less guilty at the end of the day.

3. Atoning for Harm We Caused

When we're feeling guilt as a result for causing harm to others, it's important that we make sure we make amends for what we have done. Doing so can have a very important impact in healing ourselves and the relationship(s) we may have ruined. Atoning for our actions involves recognizing what we did and having the courage to face the person we hurt, asking for their forgiveness, and figuring out what we can do to make things right.

Here are some questions we can consider when trying to figure out how we can atone for what we have done:

Who did I hurt?

What did I do that was hurtful?

This is why it was wrong (the values I violated):

This is what I can do to make amends:

This is what I can tell the person I hurt: I recognize that when I (behavior/action) ____________, this hurt you. It was wrong because ___________. I'm sorry that I did that to you. What I want to do is _______ to show you how truly sorry I am. I hope that you can forgive me with time.

We have to remember that even though we may ask for forgiveness, the other person is under no obligation to grant us it and we have to be okay with that. The whole point of asking for forgiveness and trying to make amends is to help us feel better about the guilt that we have, especially when we're truly sorry.

4. Breaking the Silence of Incurred Shame/Guilt

Because shame has to do with having to keep things secretive, it helps for us to talk to someone we trust about what happened. We usually keep these things secret because we believe that if anyone ever finds out, we'll be criticized, condemned, or rejected for it. By telling someone, we may be surprised to find acceptance and this response ends up forcing ourselves to reassess the meaning of the secret that we hold onto. But how do we find someone we can trust when we have trust issues? We have to find someone that we believe we can share our secret in confidence, whether it be a friend, a coworker, or a mental health professional. Holding onto the shame will only increase the impact it has on us. More likely than not, a lot of people are more understanding that we have been led to believe. A lot of people have likely had similar experiences as us and know how to handle it, or they know people who may have been through things and have their an understanding of what we're going through. We all assume we're alone in our suffering and shame, but more likely than not, we are more alike in experiences, and even if we don't have the same experiences as other, we are eager to listen and learn, and offer advice. Not everyone is going to react the way we think.

5. Self-Forgiveness

Part of being a human is making mistakes. Perfection is merely just a concept that will never be attainable, but so many stress over to achieve. All of us at some point in our lives have done things that we told ourselves that we would never do, or violate the morals and values we hold. This is something that we all do and sometimes we may consider ourselves as "bad" people because of them, but violations don't necessarily mean that. Sometimes our actions may have been linked to a certain situation or time in our lives and can change as we progress in life.

When we come to realize this and how we are all susceptible to being imperfect, it's a lot easier to forgive others, including ourselves. Self-forgiveness will help us to alleviate a lot of our shame and guilt. It can lead us to a change in our perspective and interpretation of the mistake we made. We learn to become a lot more compassionate kind towards ourselves as we begin to understand that we may have made said mistakes during a time where we didn't care how we behaved, as opposed to believing we are "bad" people.

Self-forgiveness, just like forgiving someone else, doesn't mean that we are approving, forgetting, or even denying the pain that we have caused to other people. It involves recognizing that we are imperfect, we make mistakes, and that we can accept our shortcomings and the consequences of our actions. We have to be okay with acknowledging and recognizing that we have both good and negative qualities, and that we also have strengths and weaknesses.

Here's how we can begin to work towards self-forgiveness:

What do I need to forgive myself for?

What impact did my actions have on myself on others?

How will it continue to affect me and others?

How do I imagine my life will be better if I can forgive myself?

Forgiveness begins with understanding. What life experiences have I had that might have contributed to what I did?

What would I think about someone else who did the same thing?

What are some positive aspects about myself that I usually ignore when I'm feeling guilty or ashamed?

In a compassionate and kind voice, how can I forgive myself for what I've done?

What are some qualities that I have that can help me to move forward?

Adapted from Mind Over Mood by Dennis Greenberger, Ph.d & Christine Padesky, Ph.d.

#guilt #shame #self-forgiveness #dealing with guilt #dealing with shame #dealing with emotions #emotions #primary emotions #emotion regulation #emotion dysregulation #overcoming guilt #overcoming shame #free therapy #mental health #mental illness #mental wellness #mood disorders #mind over mood #anxiety #depression #bpd #bipolar disorder #ocd #ptsd #trauma #you got this #you can do it #you matter #you're enough #you're worthy

[officialleotolstoy]

Oh Natasha/Andrei brainrot we’re really in it now, aka Natasha/Andrei playlist annotations!

Honestly the age gap is so inherently uncomfortable it’s difficult for me to really ship this but I think in terms of the REALLY low bar of W&P marriages/almost-marriages, it’s one of the better ones because they at least mutually care about each other. It’s also just devastating on principle!

There are several distinct sections of song on here, this is one of the few I’ve actually put in a significant order, so I’m going to break it down into that.

Part 1: Initial Meeting/Falling In Love The First Time/General

Absolutely Smitten - dodie

“She wants to dance around the room, kiss you until her lips turn blue”

This song really reminds me of their first meeting when they’re both like 👀 at each other. I like how it captures the excitement but also nerves of the girl, which I feel like is an important feature of Natasha’s part of the relationship.

Helpless - Philippa Soo

“Tryin' to catch your eye from the side of the ballroom”

Sorry to all the ex-Hamilton stans I jumpscared with this, but it’s about the Philippa Soo Singing About Falling In Love vibe. Also the quoted lyric reminds me of their iconic dance scene, or at least the bits leading up to that.

To Noise Making (Sing) - Hozier

“Honey, the look of it was as sweet as the sound; Your head tilt back, your funny mouth to the clouds”

This reminds me of the scene where she sings for him and he’s like WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH im in love! I paraphrase, but you get the idea.

Golden Years - David Bowie

“Look at that sky, life's begun”

This is objectively the stupidest song on here. It’s here because I think it’s funny to imagine the iconic Natasha/Andrei dance just being the Golden Years dance from A Knight’s Tale, HOWEVER the quoted lyric is in fact Andreicore.

Stop The World I Wanna Get Off With You - The Arctic Monkeys

“And I know we got places to go, we got people to see/Think we both oughta put 'em on hold”

‘Wren there are several songs that are on this playlist AND your Andrei/Pierre playlist’ Thank you for noticing it’s because if Tolstoy can recycle the same lines of dialogue for these relationships I can recycle the same songs! This song is just. I Hate Everyone Except You :) which is deeply Andrei @ both of them. But also like wanting life to stop so you can just hang out with Your People.

Strawberry Blond - Mitski

“I love everybody because I love you”

I’m pretty sure someone once pointed out how this lyric fit Andrei/Natasha once in a post and I cannot for the life of me remember who but that made an impression on me. Mystery person, thanks <3 Also I forgot this was a Mitski song??

The Anchor - Bastille

“Bring me some hope by wandering into my mind”

One of Thee things about their relationship that sticks out to me is how Natasha is so lifelike and her very existence gives Andrei hope for the world. It’s so. It’s so much!

Something After All - Starry

“You’ve turned my world around”

Like I said above, falling in love with Natasha really changes Andrei’s entire worldview! I also think “I've spent years building up walls” is very Andrei, and Natasha kind of brought them down, like what happens in the song.

Cosmic Love - Florence + The Machine

“A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes”

IT’S ABOUT THE SPACE METAPHORS FOR LOVE. THIS IS NO ONE ELSE FROM GREAT COMET’S FAULT.

Cold Cold Man - Saint Motel

“I know I am a cold cold man: quite slow to pay you compliments or public displayed affections”

It’s about being generally not very emotional or expressive but being devoted to the person anyway...very Andrei-ish.

Ophelia - The Lumineers

“I don't feel nothing at all and you can't feel nothing small”

The quoted lyric just seems like a really good summary of their dynamic, but I also think “Heaven help a fool who falls in love” works well for bitter post-elopement vibes, so this song was difficult to place.

Part 2: Andrei Leaving For Abroad

Misbehavin’ - Pentatonix

For some reason this is on both the Nat/Andrei and Natasha playlists and I’m too lazy to change it. Just go look at those annotations.

No One Else - Great Comet

Duh

To a Poet - First Aid Kit

“I got on a plane and flew far away from you, though unwillingly I left”

This song makes me think of Andrei abroad missing Natasha :( Honey you’ve got a big storm coming

Part 3: Post-Elopement Breakup Songs

I Hope Your Husband Dies - Amigo The Devil

“All the distance that we've spent apart will never have to mean a thing”

This song is VERY much Andrei about Anatole. “Now you're with this asshole, you expect me to believe it's going to last” really works because her relationship with Anatole was never going to last, whether or not she knew that. And “I'm not so much afraid of being alone, just kind of feel I've had enough/And time and time again, time reminds me you'll never be my own/We'll never have a house to decorate, a place that we can call our home” as an Andrei thing makes me very sad!!!

Ruins - First Aid Kit

“Ruins, all the things we built assured that they would last”

I think you can safely say their relationship was in ruins after the elopement attempt. I also think “I lost you, didn't I? First I think I lost myself” is something Natasha would think about the whole scenario

Half of My Heart - John Mayer

“Half of my heart's got the right mind to tell you that I can't keep loving you with half of my heart”

I think this is supposed to be more of an “I don’t love you anymore and that’s on me” song, but I like to mentally frame it in the context of Andrei after the elopement refusing to take back Natasha. I also think all the bits about the singer’s love interest changing the singer’s outlook on life before really fits, like “Lonely was the song I sang 'til the day you came, showing me another way”

Love Like Ghosts - Lord Huron

“You don't want me baby please don't lie/Oh but if you're leaving, I gotta know why”

It’s all about the singer being haunted by a love that doesn’t necessarily reciprocate on the same level, and I think that really fits Andrei’s mindset. It breaks my heart to think about him trying to figure out what he did wrong, why he wasn’t enough for Natasha, and so that quoted lyric really makes me just. :(

Cold Day In Heaven - Delta Rae

“Keep thinking bout when we started, so innocent/Your heart was a mess and I was lost in it”

This whole song is so good for them, it’s essentially just a couple being disappointed that their relationship didn’t work out well. The quoted lyric is so. AAAAHHH. because both of their hearts were messes but for different reasons, Andrei was so hopeless and bleak but Natasha was so naive and not ready for it and it’s so. It’s so Much. Also “We watched, the stars fell, and oh you know we let them/We said it’ll never happen, we said it’ll never happen to us/But it’s a cold day in heaven my love” gets me because 1) star/sky references :( and 2) Natasha especially did say it’d never happen to them, she was adamant that she’d love Andrei forever and that uh. I think we all know how well that worked out!

2 Months. - Zach Adkins

Someone You Loved - Lewis Capaldi

“I let my guard down and then you pulled the rug”

This is kind of a generic betrayal/breakup/I-miss-you song, but I think it works. Especially with “I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain” and the focus on the singer’s lover getting them through difficult times and then abandoning them.

The Night We Met - Lord Huron

“Take me back to the night we met”

I think people are legally obligated to have this song on any playlist for a couple that doesn’t end well. It’s generic but it’s good! The entire Strange Trails album my BELOVED!

Careless Whisper - George Michael

“I should have known better than to cheat a friend and waste a chance that I'd been given, so I'm never gonna dance again the way I danced with you”

UNIRONICALLY THIS SONG. I think it’s the focus on dancing as like a significant marker of the relationship for me, especially given how heavily adaptations focus on their dance at that ball. The quoted lyric reminds me of Natasha’s mindset after all of this. Also “We could have been so good together, we could have lived this dance forever, but now, who's gonna dance with me? Please stay” reminds me of Natasha asking him to forgive her. Not to actually get sad over Careless Whisper but. :,(

With Or Without You - U2

“And you give yourself away”

The quoted lyric is in reference to the elopement in my head, and “I can’t live with or without you” is like. Andrei can’t continue on and let her back into his life, he admits that he can’t forgive her, but he also has no real will to live after she betrays him and goes off to die in war.

Atlantis - Seafret

“We've built this town on shaky ground”

“This town” is in reference to their relationship, and I like the acknowledgment that there was never a great foundation to begin with. And “maybe I’m not built for love” as an Andrei lyric is a little heartbreaking! Other than that it’s just a Breakup Song.

I Don’t Wanna See You Cryin’ Anymore - Adam Melchor

“I don't wanna be the reason you can't trust me like before/My head's in my hands as I'm shaking on the bathroom floor”

This reminds me of Natasha’s deep guilt over her betrayal of Andrei. The implication that Andrei would ever let anyone see him cry is a bit much for me, just ignore that HFJAHDHSH

Part 4: Reconciling While Andrei ✨Dies✨

Fake It - Bastille

“We can never go back, we can only do our best to recreate”

This whole is song is about trying to move forward from bad things in the past with your lover which is the whole vibe! But I also think it shows some reluctance on the part of the singer to forget, and a bit of a desperation to be able to leave the mistakes in the past. “Help me turn a blind eye” really captures that. I like this as the early stages of them reconnecting, because I think it’s realistic to have Andrei especially be wary but wanting it to get better.

Bad Blood - Bastille

“All this bad blood here, won’t you let it dry?”

Letting go of a grudge and trying to move on vibes!

Let It All Go - Birdy, Alvaro Soler

“We’re strong enough to let it go”

All their hurt surrounding the elopement is the Thing they’re letting go of in this case.

Flaws - Bastille

“You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve and I have always buried them deep beneath the ground”

The quoted lyric just feels like their general dynamic to me. Natasha is so open about everything and does indeed wear her heart on her sleeve whereas Andrei represses every emotion he’s ever felt. I think this is a post-elopement song because of “Dig them up; let’s finish what we started”. That feels like them reexamining their relationship and what went wrong and trying again.

Moscow - Autoheart

“All I need’s a fraction of your happy heart”

This song is so 🥺. “We both know what we’ve got to do: head back to where the magic grew” reminds me of them accepting their reconnection and moving on and trying to rekindle whatever was between them. And “Let’s get a dog, an Irish red setter, it’s all we need to get better” feels emblematic of them looking forward to domestic happiness as the solution. And the quoted lyric screams Andrei about Natasha.

The Heart Is A Muscle - Gang of Youths

“I will look at love as more than just an instrument of pain”

Not to be off topic but this whole album is so good every single song makes me feel SHRIMP EMOTIONS god. Also the whole thing is very Andreicore and I had to stop myself from adding every song to his playlist. But I digress. This song is all about having been hurt by love in the past (“I let bad love betray me once”) but deciding to open your heart again which is very them! “I haven't had enough and I wanna love someone” AAAAHHHH. “I am human now and terrified, but want it all the same” Mr. GangOfYouths im going INSANE! “I just ask you to be patient if you’ll have me still” HELLO? Not to quote the whole song but “I wanna be loved, I wanna be whole again, so tuck my hair behind my ears and touch my soul again” as an Andrei/Natasha lyric...I need to sit down. Can you all tell this song makes me go all kinds of crazy. And this isn’t even my favorite song off the album!

Shrike - Hozier

“I couldn’t utter my love when it counted, ah but I’m flying like a bird to you now”

This song feels very “we tried to have a relationship a while ago and it didn’t work out that well but I still love you we could try again” to me which fits this time very well!

Part 5: Andrei Goes Splat :( [And The Aftermath]

Work Song - Hozier

“No grave can hold my body down, I’ll crawl home to her”

I can’t say what it is exactly, but something about persistent love framed around the death motif works for me here.

Dancing After Death - Matt Maeson

“As the sun waits to eclipse and the taste teases my lips, I'm too tired to wrestle with it”

The quoted lyric reminds me of Andrei giving up and shutting down when he realizes he’s gonna die :( oh ALSO my brain always mentally fills in “and no one else” after the “you and I” that ends the chorus which does NOT help with my depression!

One Last Time - Jaymes Young

“Could I feel your skin on mine before I have to say goodbye?”

SCREAMS SO LOUDLY. The whole song is like. Someone dying and wanting to see their person one last time and AAAAAAAAAAA. I am a little incoherent maybe. “I'm leavin' this cold world of mine, no pleadin' is gonna turn back time” really Gets Me in the context of Andrei accepting his own death and withdrawing and it’s so. Anyway.

Oblivion - Bastille

“When oblivion is calling out your name, you always take it further than I ever can”

I don’t think this is exactly what the song is talking about, but the quoted lyric in the context of Andrei dying and Natasha watching him fade and withdraw...good Lord. I need emotional support.

Haunt - Bastille

“I’ll come back to haunt you/Memories will taunt you”

Natasha being haunted by the memory of Andrei!!! Help me!!!! Also “I will try to love you/It’s not like I’m above you” as a callback to Andrei’s feelings for Natasha when they start to reconnect is so mental illness inducing. OOOH and “Questioning why as you look to the sky that is cloudless up above our heads and thoughts come to mind that our short little lives haven't left the path that they will tread” any lyric ever about looking at the sky is Andrei’s now.

Without You - for KING & COUNTRY

“What do you do when you don't get better/Strong arms get too, get too weak to hold her”

:( :( :( :( :( Also “I’m not ready to live without you” I am so sad.

Good Grief - Bastille

“Every minute and every hour I miss you, I miss you, I miss you more”

Pain! Agony, even!

I made myself SO sad writing the entire last half of these annotations geez

#im so sad im so sad im so sad! #war and peace #great comet #natasha rostova #andrei bolkonksy #uhhh whats their ship name? #w&p playlists #my post #figured out how to do a read more bc this post is so LONG

[thejilyship]

jily + accidental roommates I love your stories btw 💕

Almost kept going here, but these are supposed to be short, so I stopped myself. This is all based on a true story. When I was a freshmen, I was assigned a room without a roommate and then told well into the semester, that if I didn’t want to be charged for a single room, I would have to find a roommate. I was super annoyed. They didn’t assign me a James though. I got Sam, and she was super sweet! 

WC: 1k

Lily was told, six weeks into the semester, that if she didn’t get herself a roommate, then she was going to be charged extra. She had thought it was such luck, when they assigned her a room, without a roommate, but now they were putting that burden on her, six weeks into the semester.

It was stupid, and it was unfair, but Lily was not going to pay extra for a single room, when she hasn’t signed up for one, so she told them that they could find her a roommate.

And they did. He showed up two days after she sent the email.

Lily opened the door and saw a confused looking bloke standing at the threshold.

“Can I help you?” She asked.

“I must have the wrong room,” He said, looking down at his key and a piece of paper. “But this is the room on the paper… Do you live here?”

Lily raised her brows. “Yes, I live here.”

“There’s not a bloke named Evan who lives here?”

“No. My name is Lily. Lily Evans, but still. I’m a girl, and my name is Lily.”

“So Evan Li, is probably not a real person.” James nodded, shaking his head. “They already took my room key away.”

“Are you who they assigned to be my roommate?” Lily asked, taking the paper from him and looking it over. James Potter, a first-year student like her. He’d been given a single room that he didn’t ask for too apparently, and now he was here. With all his shit in one of those flimsy trolleys right outside her door. That he was holding a key to.

“I guess they made a mistake.”

“They already made a mistake, this is just another one!” Lily shook her head and handed him the paper back. “Well bring your stuff inside so no one messes with it.”

“Are you sure? I can take it back upstairs-“

“You just said that they already took your key away.”

“Sure, but maybe my RA will let me put it in his room or something.”

“No, it’s fine, have the room is empty anyway.” She shrugged.  

He smiled at her, looking thankful. She smiled back, “I don’t mean to be snappish, I just don’t know why they are making us do this now. They were the reason we had our own rooms, and now I feel like they’re punishing us for it.”

“I get that. My mum said that it was fine, that she would pay the difference, but it’s the principle of the thing.”

“I agree,” Lily nodded.

Lily left the door open and went over to her desk as James pulled out his phone. He was on hold for thirty minutes, and they started talking about their classes. It was a little awkward, but then Lily mentioned her history of science fiction class, a fun class that met a writing requirement that she had, and James sat up straighter, his phone still at his ear. Turns out he was in that class too.

They were talking about the hidden assignment their prof had put in the middle of the syllabus when someone finally got on the phone to talk to James. He quickly explained the situation and was put on hold again. They started talking about which café was the best and made plans to get dinner whenever this phone call ended. James told her about his football scholarship and Lily told him about how she was good at no sports, but how she could be him at darts any day of the week. Which was basically a challenge, and so they were going to have to go to the rec room after dinner so that they could play darts.

Someone finally got on the phone again, only to tell him that all of the rooms had been filled. Everyone had been partnered up already. He put them on speaker. “So now what?” James asked.

“Well, we can give you your original room key back, but since you both failed to find roommates, and the deadline has passed, you’ll be charged for a single room.”

Lily was quiet and looked at James. “That makes no sense,” She said. “You assigned him as my roommate, you made that mistake, not me. Not James. You can’t charge us extra for a mistake that you made.”

“Ma’am, I didn’t make the mistake.”

“That’s beside the point, and you know it,” Lily shook her head.

“You were both given an adequate amount of time to find a roommate on your own-“

“I understand that, but I asked you to find me a roommate, and by you, I mean your office. To which, you agreed!”

“Yes, and now you’re saying that since your office messed up, we’re going to be charged for single rooms? I just packed up my entire room and moved it down here to Lily’s room. And now you want to charge me, to give me back my old room key and have me re-move in?”

“If that’s the route you choose, then yes, you would be charged.”

“I’m sorry, but is there someone else we can talk to? This doesn’t make sense,” Lily shook her head.

“The head of student housing will be in tomorrow, but she will tell you the same thing that I’m telling you.”

“Okay, thank you for being completely unhelpful.” James huffed and hung up the phone.

“You can stay here tonight, I suppose.” Lily shrugged. “I mean, they’re not going to win!”

“It’s ridiculous!” James shook his head. “I’ll call back tomorrow when the head of the office is in, and I can crash in my friends’ room tonight. They have a futon.”

Lily nodded, because while she thought she liked James, it was the safer choice for her to agree to. “Alright, let’s be done with this headache for tonight then and go get dinner. We’ll figure it all out later.”

James agreed. He threw a smile on his face and stood up. “Yes, let’s go eat so you can then show off your dart skills! I’m very excited to beat you at something you’ve claimed no one can beat you at.”

“Careful, bud, or I’ll sell your shit on eBay while you’re sleeping on your friends futon.”

James laughed, “Doubt it.”

#jily #jily fic #my fic #have I used the Evan Li thing before? #yes I have #will I use it again? #only time will tell #hwfflpuff

[vajranam]

Ten Wrong Views

The objective basis of wrong views is infallible doctrines such as the law of karmic causality. With assertions like those made by the Nihilists, one perceives such doctrines as false and desires to deprecate them, motivated by one of the afflictions.

The execution comes when one believes these doctrines to be utterly false, thereby confirming one’s suspicions. The act is complete when one feels conviction about this. The fully ripened result of wrong views is a rebirth in whichever of the lower realms is most fitting. The result that resembles its cause is ignorance of the genuine view. As the dominant result, good and evil will be mistaken.

Similarly, when the ten nonvirtuous acts are classified in terms of their respective level of severity, all of the following are extremely severe: motivated by an intensely afflicted mind-set, to murder extraordinary persons such as one’s guru (which is serious from a spiritual point of view) or one’s parents (which is serious from a worldly point of view); or to deceive, steal from, and create divisions between such persons; to insult them; or to harbor a covetous or malicious attitude toward them.

Likewise, to have sexual relations with someone holding the vows of discipline or any other unacceptable partner; to lie and sow discord in order to create a schism within the sangha, as Devadatta did; to assert that there is no such thing as a foe-destroyer; to kill a large animal motivated by a desire for its flesh and blood; to steal many things and those that are very valuable; and to delight in negativity without confessing and committing [to refrain from such acts in the future]. Such acts are extremely weighty, and the opposites of these acts are light.

By way of explanation, the bodhisattva Padma writes:

The ten nonvirtues and the five acts of immediate retribution,

The five close and four weighty acts,

The eight mistaken acts and severe misdeeds—

Even at the cost of your life, abandon even the most minor of these.

The vows that are in harmony with the ten virtues,

Those of the layman, novice, one-day retreatant, fully ordained monk,

And others of individual liberation, also bodhisattva vows and those of Secret Mantra—

Embrace and safeguard the vows you have taken. If you desire liberation,

Safeguard them carefully, as you would your own life.

With a thorough understanding of the classifications just discussed, which pertain to acts and their respective results, examine your mind to clearly identify which of them is the most dominant.

Meditate until your interest and enthusiasm prompts you to think, “Alas! I’ve amassed an immeasurable amount of such negativity up until now, but since my acts have not been embraced with mindful awareness, I’ve wandered in a state of indifference. Like a barbarian, I never knew that I was accumulating karma; what a huge mistake! As represented by the ten nonvirtues, from here on out, whenever a negative mind-set occurs, whether subtle or coarse, I will apply an antidote and turn the other way. Yet this alone will not suffice; I will also work courageously to practice the opposite of such negativity—virtue! I will arouse diligence so intense that it is as though my hair or clothes are on fire, and I will apply myself to the ten virtuous actions, such as renouncing killing.”

The master Vasubandhu once wrote:

Because observable phenomena and so forth

Will be experienced, there are three definite types.

There are stories of evil people like Devadatta, Shasarakisha, Shridhara, and others [who committed such extremely negative acts] that they had conscious experiences of going to hell without leaving their bodies behind. Such evil people have created karma that is sure to bring them a rebirth in the lower realms.

Unless you are such a person, you should think, “Alas, to attain liberation and omniscience one needs to completely do away with the very roots of such nonvirtue, but if I think about it, in this lifetime alone I have consciously amassed so much negativity.

And this doesn’t reflect even a fraction of what I’ve accumulated in my previous lives! It’s only logical that I’ve amassed an inconceivable amount of negativity for the sake of my friends, students, subjects, community, and so on. What’s more, the results of these acts will be experienced by me alone; these acts that I’ve consciously committed cannot be shared with anyone else.”

On this point, Master Nagarjuna explains:

Do not commit negative actions for Brahmins, monks, gods,

Guests, your parents, queens, or companions—

For there will be no one with whom to share the result

When it ripens as a rebirth in hell.

That being so, you may think to yourself, “Oh no, not me! Not me! It looks like once I pass away, I’ll have no choice but to endure the lower realms!” Inevitably, you will sink into despair, and it is at this moment that you will realize the implicit harm of karmic consequences.

Nowadays people merely pay lip service to virtue and nonvirtue without directly recognizing the most basic principles concerning what they should do and not do. In this sense, they are hardly better than barbarians. In truth, this is nothing more than a state of apathy.

Due to the kindness of our enlightened teachers, however, we now see that our actions and their results do not just disappear. How fortunate!

It isn’t enough, however, simply to see that and become fearful and withdrawn. With the four powers complete, you need to confess earnestly and restrain yourself, with a firm sense of regret for what you have done. You should then devote yourself to enlightened activities.

Our Teacher, with his great compassion and skillful methods, said that if you do not err in terms of what to do and not do, past negativity can be purified through earnest confession and self-restraint, even if one has engaged in extremely violent acts in the past, such as those with immediate retribution.

Letter to a Friend states:

One without conscience in the past

Who later on becomes conscientious

Is a thing of beauty, like the moon revealed by parting clouds,

As was Nanda, Angulimala, Darshaka, and Udayana.

The Buddha’s relative Nanda was extremely attached to his wife, Pundarika. To address the situation, the Thus-Gone skillfully led him both to a divine city and to hell. This tamed Nanda’s desire, and he eventually became a foe-destroyer.

Angulimala killed 999 people, and Ajatashatru killed his father, Bimbisara. Though they had committed acts of immediate retribution, they were purified through confession and restraint and both later attained the level of foe-destroyers.

Udayana killed his own mother, but from that moment on, he regretted what he had done and began to behave in a morally correct manner. He ended up being born in hell for as long as it takes to throw a silk ball; he later attained the level of a stream-enterer.

Accordingly, as soon as you recall such negative actions, you should cultivate a deep sense of regret and exert yourself in the methods of confession. This is a most profound point, so you should train in the recitation of the Sutra in Three Parts.

Furthermore, in the context of these instructions, failure to recognize the aforementioned ten nonvirtues and their corresponding results must be avoided. Whenever these come to mind, the antidote is to recite the Sutra in Three Parts while adhering to the vital points of the four powers.

Alternate meditating on these two practices over and over again. From now on, be mindful and aware of all nonvirtue, and crush any negative thoughts as soon as they arise.

In the context of the main practice, always follow the example set by Atisha Dipamkara: confess in the morning the negativity that you accumulate in the morning, and confess at bedtime the negativity that you accumulate in the afternoon. Don’t let negativity or downfalls stay with you for even a day!

Some people take this to mean that simply confessing in this manner is enough. With this understanding, they behave wantonly, with no sense of restraint when it comes to immoral behavior and nonvirtue. However, it is a grave mistake to think that merely reciting a few words of confession morning and night will suffice, for doing so will overwhelm the confession outlined above, in which one confesses with a remorseful attitude using the four powers.

It will also result in the instant degeneration of the mind-set of restraint, where one thinks: “I won’t do this again even if it costs me my life!” Hence, this is a misguided belief that eclipses all the infallible doctrines concerning the interdependence of actions and their results.

The terms and principles that have been presented thus far should be given serious consideration. If all worldly activities fail to repulse you, like food repulses someone with jaundice, what you have heard are just quotations and what you have read are just words. This will not allow your mind to reach the level of mastery.

The Great Master of Oddiyana said:

Seek out whatever Buddhist transmissions and teachings there are.

When you study the sacred Dharma, if you don’t use the right attitude

To grasp the terms and principles, it will be like pouring water

Onto an upside-down vessel: none will go inside.

When the anguish of samsara wells up, they won’t be of any benefit!

However wonderful worldly wealth may be, like a candle in the wind, a dew drop in summer, a flash of lightning in the sky, or last night’s dream, it is utterly impermanent and unreal. Hence, you should always stay in isolated places and cultivate a sense of disenchantment, trusting with all your heart that whatever you have will be enough.

Take refuge in the fact that you will be joyful when sick and happy when dying. Let people say what they will, as if they are talking about a corpse. Like a wandering leper, yearn to be totally on your own, without even song birds to keep you company. Occupy your mind with meditating on your enlightened guru’s instructions.

The Great Master of Oddiyana said:

This world is a land of sadness;

The wonderful joy and happiness of beings,

Like a dew drop in summer or wealth in a dream,

Is unreal and swiftly gone.

From such things come distorted desires and carelessness.

So always cultivate a disenchanted frame of mind.

Those who hold worldly splendor in great esteem

Are of a class with inferior merit.

Your heart, like a rotten tree,

Will never bear the fruit of liberation.

Alas, how sad! The mind that thinks of the wealth

And prosperity of this life as wonderful and lasting,

The mind that thinks it to be stable and excellent,

Belongs to the most base of all immature beings!

Who in this world could be more foolish than that?

No one in the past and no one in the future!

Steps to the Great Perfection

The Mind-Training Tradition of the Dzogchen Masters

Jigme Lingpa

SNOW LION BOULDER

[thecaffeinebookwarrior]

The Many Faces of the Strong Female Character

The much-requested, positive counterpart to my classic “Female Characters to Avoid in Your Writing” and it’s much-later sequel.  

Here, I will discuss some of my favorite fictional ladies and what makes them work so well;  given my rapturous love of women, there will probably be a sequel!  In the meantime, I talk more about portraying female characters here.

Happy writing, everybody!  <3

1.)  The Warrior

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When most people hear “strong female character,” they picture the most popular definition of the term:  a stony-faced, emotionally shallow, conventionally attractive broad who punches and kicks stuff.  She may occasionally shout things like, “I DON’T NEED NO MAN,” while perhaps punching a small baby. 

I decided to start with my wife Diana, because she is the perfect antithesis of this trope.  She isn’t stony, she’s courageous.  She’s unabashed about showing her doubts, hopes, affections, and optimism.  Her love interest never steals her spotlight, but she feels no need to shun romance to appear “strong.”  She’s beautiful, but not sexualized or objectified.

And while most Strong Female Characters™ are ironically reduced to damsels in distress at some point in their own narratives, Diana consistently takes the lead, totally autonomous over her own story.

You can kick ass AND love babies, people.  Joss Whedon, please take notes.

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Other examples:  Okoye from Black Panther, Furiosa from Mad Max: Fury Road, Rey from Star Wars, and Ser Brienne of Tarth from Game of Thrones.

2.)  The Comedian

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If you haven’t watched Chewing Gum on Netflix, stop whatever you’re doing and watch it right now.  Its relatively simple premise – a twenty-four-year-old from a fundamentalist Christian household struggles to lose her virginity – is a segway into a hilarious, genuine exploration of human sexuality, relationships, and how we forge our identities.

Brilliantly portrayed by the series’ creator, Michaela Coel, Tracy is essentially that one friend who knows exactly what you’ve been thinking and isn’t afraid to say so.  She is never relegated to a single trope or stereotype.  She’s stumbling, clumsily but enthusiastically, through the life experiences that shape us.  Most importantly, she is allowed to be sexually curious, awkward, aggressive, insecure, and – I can’t stress this enough – hilarious.  The dialogue is infinitely quotable, and endlessly relatable. 

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Watching shows like Chewing Gum makes me realize how few female characters – and even fe wer Black female characters – are portrayed as truly human.  Typically, they’re allowed to be sexy, but not sexual.  They’re allowed to be awkward, but only if it’s cute.  They can be insecure, but only if that insecurity can easily be solved by the affirmations of a male love interest.  And they’re rarely allowed to be the main source of a series’ comedy.  

So remember:  let your female characters be human.  Let them be awkward, funny, sexual philosophers.  It’s easier than you think.  

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Other examples:  Abbi and Ilan from Broad City, Leslie from Parks and Rec, Tina from Bob’s Burgers.

3.)  The Drama Queen

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Watching Riverdale is like hurtling along on a structurally unstable rollercoaster.  It’s utterly insane, a lot of fun, and once you’re on, you can’t stop.

But amidst the explosions of batshit crazy plot points, killer cults, and the existential perplexity of finding yourself attracted to emo Jughead, there are some real gems.  One of these is Cheryl Blossom, and pretty much every plot line surrounding her.

Cheryl is introduced as a fairly one-dimensional, catty mean girl, though the Regina George-esque charisma with which she’s portrayed makes her instantly likable.  Initially, we expect her to be a character we’ll love to hate.

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And yet, within the first few episodes, I was impressed by how layered and complex her motivations were.  Much of contempt towards others was misdirected rage from an upbringing of extreme emotional abuse, and grief over her dead brother -- all portrayed without a Snape-style condonation of said behavior.  By the end of season one, my thoughts were generally, “Oh, crap, I don’t think I can claim to be watching this ‘ironically’ anymore,” and “MORE CHERYL.”

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Season two answered my wish, and then some.  Cheryl was saved from an (impressively conscientiously portrayed) attempt at sexual assault by a pack of her female friends, and her attacker got the shit beat out of him in one of the most cathartic moments of modern television.

To the exaltation of my queer heart, she also came out as a lesbian, in a deeply moving story arc that I never would have expected from this show.  Without spoiling too much, she and her new love interest kissing in front of anti-gay propaganda footage was legitimately one of the most powerful moments I have ever witnessed.

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Before the season was over, she viciously threatened her abusive, homophobic mother while covered in blood, shot a serial killer with a bow and arrow, and joined a gang.  If that’s not gay culture, I don’t know what is.

Oh, how I wish this show was just about her.

Other examples:  Alexis from Schitt’s Creek.

4.)  The Lovable Bastard

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Ah, The Good Place.  I have never experienced such a breath of comedic fresh air.  A new philosophical principle each episode, examined and applied in hilarious and thought-provoking ways.  A complete absence of harmful stereotypes.  Incredibly lovable, three-dimensional, and ever-evolving characters. 

I was considering using my queen Tahani for this list, who externally larger-than-life and internally vulnerable after emotional abuse by her parents.  Also, she’s hilarious.  Everyone and everything in The Good Place is hilarious.  And I also thought about talking about Janet, who is the best character in anything ever, but of course:

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Instead, I’ll be talking about bisexual icon Eleanor, who is something very few female characters get to be:  the lovable bastard.

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Eleanor, when we first meet her, is not traditionally good in any sense of the word.  She turned down a high-paying job because she was expected to be nice to people.  She sold placebos to the elderly, and was great at it.  She was drunken, slovenly, hedonistic, and selfish.  And she’s instantly incredibly likable.

Why and how Eleanor is so enjoyable, even at her very worst, merits an essay all its own.  But in a nutshell:

We empathize with her.  We are introduced to “The Good Place” completely through her eyes.  We are in her shoes.  

The stakes are high.  When we discover that her entry into the good place was a mistake, we want her to be okay.

We come to understand her, and how her terrible childhood shaped her destructive behavior.  

She wants to be a better person, and with time, effort, and character development, we watch her become one. 

Not only is this an amazing lesson in how to endear audiences to your character, it is also infinitely refreshing.  The most famous lovable bastards are all men --  Han Solo, Dr. House, Captain Jack Sparrow, the Man With No Name, et cetera -- but women are rarely afforded the same moral complexity.  If a woman in fiction has done bad things, she’s not usually a lovable bastard.  She’s usually a bitch. 

Eleanor isn’t just a great character.  She conveys an important lesson:  women are people.  People with the same capacity for mistakes, growth, redemption, and love as anyone else.

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Other examples: Chloe from Don’t Trust the B*tch in Apartment 23

5.)  The Cinderella

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Yep.  I said it.  Cinderella is a strong female character.

My girl not only survived in an abusive household, she persistently stayed positive.  She worked each day to make the best of an impossible situation, from which she had no means of escape.  That takes an insane amount of courage and tenacity. 

But Caff, I hear you scream, she needed help to escape!!  Well, my imaginary counterargument, so the fuck what?  MOST people need help to escape their abusive situations, and there’s no shame in that.  Accepting help from someone you trust is the best thing you can do in a situation such as that, and implying otherwise is horribly damaging to victims of abuse.  

But she married the prince, you more feebly protest.  Yes!  She did!  She found love and happiness and a great life in a socially influential position!  And that’s an amazing message!

So in the flurry of female warriors, let’s not forget Cinderella, who tells people that their terrible circumstances won’t last forever, to stay hopeful and kind, and that accepting help from a trusted friend can lead to a happy life.  

Cinderella is a bad bitch, and she deserves her happily ever after.

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Other examples:  For some reason, I’m thinking of Sansa from Game of Thrones.  When people try to discredit her as a strong character, they often make similar complaints.  But both, quite fittingly, end up as queens.

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