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quirklessidiot · 4 years

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Title: coward :: coming clean Pairing: Y/N x Miya Atsumu Genre: angst, romance, and very slow burn [ex to lovers au] Warnings: Cursing, alchohol, mentions of unprotected sex, unplanned pregnancy, and mentions of abortion

Synopsis: You try to push him away from you but he isn’t taking any of it, the much long-awaited confrontation is there but you’re still finding a way out.

notes:

have yall seen the new season?? mY FUCKING HEART MAN NSNDNND it got me so stoked i literally wrote something about kita after that trailer skdjjdm kita is so underrated. I love him.

also, a huge thank you for the 200+ followers. Ma’am i literally only had this tumbler a month ago and im already celebrating a lot of milestones, hence i present you a more angsty chapter! I hope you’ll love it <3

previous next masterlist

“You’re on gossip sites.”

“Tsum-tsum, why are you so close to L/N-san? I thought you hated her.”

“Riku-chan’s calling me-”

“Everyone shut up.” The setter throws the ball on the ground, “It’s not what it fucking looked like.”

“Can we talk, ‘tsumu?” Osamu’s voice resonates the most and Miya Atsumu knows where this is going already by the sound of it. He was surprised to see his brother come by today but when he sees why, he takes it back.

No wonder.

He follows him to the quieter side of the gym, he notices the tense air between them and he knows what's about to follow. He hopes that Osamu does this quickly, he has to practice well since he needs to impress those brats when the game comes up and try to let them have their eyes on him and not on Tobio and Shoyo.

“What the hell are you thinking?” His brother growls, “You have a fucking girlfriend. Y/N has kids and is very much in love with the dead guy who isn’t yo-”

“Why the fuck are you all getting up my ass when its about Y/N?” he suddenly cuts his brother off, eyes narrowed and jaw clenched, “It's been that way since you met her eight years ago. Just tell me that you didn’t like her from the start. You didn’t like her because she was different.”

“I didn’t like her because she wasn’t good for you.” the grey-haired twin barked back in reply, “In case ya don’t remember, You were a fucking mess after she left, Atsumu. You were almost not able to make it into the jackals because of what she did!”

Osamu wasn’t calling him by his nickname anymore, it seemed that the weight of the situation was too serious for him.

“Well, I’m here now aren’t I?”

“And you’re getting involved with her again. Can’t you give it a fucking rest already?”

“No.”

“Miya Atsumu.” He glowered, grabbing his brother by the collar of his jersey, “Don’t throw a good woman and your career away for someone like her.”

“I’m not throwing shit, ‘samu.” He hissed, slapping his hand away but before he could walk out, the younger twin grabs him and yanks him back, swinging a fist right at his face. The team members of the black jackals are immediately thrown into panic and chaos with what’s happening. Hinata and Bokuto grabs onto Osamu restraining him from damaging the setter even more while Shion and Meian hold back the blonde setter from throwing a punch, “Stop acting like a fuckin’ brat, ‘tsumu.” The twin yelled while Atsumu flipped him off with a middle finger, clearly showing no signs of restraint.

Sakusa remains far from them and snorts underneath his breath, completely indifferent, “Fuckin’ idiots.”

The twins end up at the infirmary right after, Atsumu lets out a heavy sigh as he recalls the feeling of his brothers fist. They’ve never fought this bad since high school and Osamu was never one to be triggered easily.

This just showed how grave the situation was.

A curtain separates them both as they lay on their separate beds, “You’re stupid, ‘tsumu.” Osamu calls out his twin as he lays on the bed of the infirmary, a patch on his forehead and a bandaged hand. Atsumu, on the other hand, has a busted lip and swollen cheek.

“I’m not fucking five, ‘samu and whatever you saw in that picture wasn’t what it looked like.”

“But you still love her very much.”

Silence ensued between the pair and Osamu breaks it off with a long sigh, “Ya gonna be some scrub that chases after her again or something? Break off with your girlfriend right now who looks and acts better than her-”

“Stop.” Atsumu cuts his brother off, sitting up to open the curtain to face him head on, “so, so what if I still like her? So what if I want to break off with Riku and be with her and try to take that bastards place?”

“Yer outta your mind.”

“It’s my fuckin’ life.”

“It is but I’m not watching you throw yourself away for that woman.” Osamu paused, “Just what the fuck do you see in her? She feels nothing for ya, even when you dated-”

“Now that’s a fucking lie.” Atsumu defended you, eyes glowering right at his twin, “You didn’t see how Y/N would take care of me whenever we were alone. You don’t see how selfless she was most of the time and how she doesn’t expect me to be some character that everyone expects, shit, you don’t even see how she’d patiently sit down and just listen me babble off about how bad my day was when I didn’t even know she was from a fucking bad family with a bad life back then!”

Atsumu is panting from that long explanation and he’s shaking because why couldn’t they see it? Why couldn’t they see how much you tried back then? How relationships were so out of your comfort zone but you force yourself to try it because he asked you too. He feels sick, he feels sick that they couldn’t see. That they could only see the tip of the iceberg.

“Yet she doesn’t feel the same for you.” Osamu points out, “Not anymore. So stop clinging onto her with those past memories of yours and move on, ‘tsumu. Fuckin’ suck it up, life isn’t fair.”

“Nope, don’t wanna.”

“ ‘tsumu-”

“I-I’m breaking up with Riku. I want Y/N back in my life, I want her. I-I’ve never wanted anything so badly since volleyball, ‘samu. If I have to wait again, shit, I-I don’t fucking mind.”

Osamu sees the glint of conviction in his eyes and lets out another hefty sigh, god, he feels like he’s aging faster because of his twin, “I know you won’t listen to me.” he settled, he knew that if Atsumu wanted something, he wouldn’t stop until he got it, “Just know that I fucking told you so.”

You’re wary.

After that little stint your mother had pulled, she kept calling you and bothering you. It also didn’t help that you ended up on tabloids because someone had caught wind of that little moment you and Atsumu had. If it weren’t for your kids' over-excitement on Atsumu’s promise, you wouldn’t be here, “...Y/N-san? Are you alright?” Sugawara asks, tilting his head in curiosity as you enter the arena.

Some people seemed to have recognized you and the kids that you had to hold onto them tightly in case anyone did try to approach you.

“I’m good.”

“Kaasan, kaasan, I saw a super big picture of Hinata-san!” Youta called out, pointing at a rather big banner of the orange-haired blocker.

“I think I saw Kageyama-san buying milk, can I follow him, kaasan?” Yuuto adds, blinking innocently as he looked at one of the stalls.

Sugawara is absolutely in awe by your calmness in this situation, he knows that you’re probably feeling far from alright after all those gossip articles came out. Atsumu, of course, tries to lessen your burden by letting out a public statement that you were his good friend back in college but it didn’t really help since someone tweeted a picture of the both of you back in college with the caption that you were exes.

“Could you do me a favor, Sugawara-san?” you turn to the man, “Do you mind switching seats with me? Stay with the boys in front while I just stay at your seat?”

“Sure but wouldn’t Atsumu be-”

“Please.” You frowned, giving your ticket to him, “I’ll take the kids right after the match.”

The boys looked at you in complete wonderment when you didn’t follow them to the front row. You maintained a good distance as the game started, the players being introduced on the big screen. Your eyes narrow when Atsumu gets out of the dugout and gazes at your kids in confusion then around the crowd as if he was looking for someone.

“Don’t be silly.What feelings would there be but hatred?”

“It’s anything but that, L/N-san.”

You felt your fists clench as soon as the game started, you wanted to direct your focus to the game but Inunaki’s words kept bothering you and pestering you throughout the whole thing. Why did Atsumu like doing this to himself? Was this some sort of premonition? Were you going to have to tell him?

What if it ended up like your parents?

Would your kids end up like you?

Cold, untrusting, and anxious?

Would you end up like your mother?

A borderline alcoholic, desperate for a man’s love?

Would Atsumu wake up and realize one day that this was all a mistake and call you one too? Blaming you for every single bad thing in his life?

You held your doll tightly on your hands as you held your breath behind the pillar, you had just come home from Daiki’s house as you heard the loud voices of your parents arguing again. For the past years, it seemed to have worsened and you spent more time around your friend’s house rather than this cold and big empty place you called home.

“...are you doing? It's the middle of the day! Stop drinking!” you hear your father bellow.

“What’s it to you? Shouldn’t you be around with that young woman? That whore you proudly call your business associate?”

You flinch as you hear those harsh words and the sound of a bottle breaking, it seemed like the argument was particularly bad today. You shakily make your way up to your room, wanting to avoid this ordeal and skip dinner but fate wasn’t on your side today.

Despite your light footsteps, they seem to have noticed your presence.

Your father’s eyes soften just a bit while your mother’s remain cold. As much as possible, you grew up wanting to avoid those scary and expressionless eyes. At the young age of five, you feared your mother and loathed your father at the same time but that didn’t stop the fleeting feeling of wanting them to change. Wanting to feel the warmth and youth that every child craved for.

You suck in a deep breath, “I-I’m home, okaasan, otosan.”

“You’re always out these days, Y/N.” her voice is cold, far from the warmth that a mother should have.

“I-I was out with Daiki.”

“With that boy again?” a frown immediately paints her features, a small tsk under her breath to signal how disappointed she was of you yet again, “Aren’t you supposed to be studying? You said you wanted to skip a grade this year.”

“I-I am.” you replied, “B-but Daiki-”

“All you need to do is study and get good grades, Y/N.” she cuts you off, walking close to you, the smell of alcohol growing stronger, “Is that something too hard to do? Are you being ungrateful now?”

You turn to your father for help but he remains unmoved, was he really going to watch your mother do this to you? You hold onto your doll tightly, trying to control yourself. You shouldn’t cry, especially not in front of them.

“N-No, okaasan…”

“Then why are you crying, Y/N?”

Your eyes widen as you feel the wet substance flowing down. No, no-

“Answer me.” she repeats, you feel the tears flowing down faster, “Why are you crying, Y/N? Are you feeling ungrateful? Is that how it is-”

“(M/N) That’s enough!” Your father finally says but your mother continues to ignore your father.

“Don’t you think we should tell her that she shouldn’t feel sad?” she expressed, telling your father as if you weren’t standing there, “After all, we didn’t have her aborted, she should be grateful we let her live well with three meals a day and expensive clothes and belongings. Even if she was a mistake.”

You're shaking so hard at the moment, you didn’t like where this was going at all. Your father can’t respond to your mother’s blank tone, did he agree too? Were you, were you really just a mistake? Countless questions flooded your head as she walked close to you, her cold presence looming over you even more so today. With the same blank and expressionless tone, she says, "if you probably hadn't been born, we would've been happier. We'd have better lives, Y/N. So don't go around and cry and think you got it bad, you hear me? Your sadness is nothing compared to ours. It's nothing, Y/N. So stop being ungrateful."

You watch as the game comes to an end. You had zone out for the most part, the fleeting memory of your past and your anxiety bubbling up couldn’t keep you still. You texted Sugawara that you’d meet him and the boys at the front.

You were about to leave your seat when you saw the blonde approach the kids after the game, ruffling their hairs and pinching their cheeks with a huge smile. Why couldn’t you be as open as Atsumu? Why couldn’t you express yourself well?

You shut your eyes tight and turn to the exit, right, you were a coward. You didn’t face things like this head-on, you ran from them because in all your life, the only thing you knew was fear from people you expected love from.

“Y/N…”

You turn to find Atsumu standing there, still in his jersey and a towel hung on his shoulder like he had just ran out to chase you. Where was Sugawara and the kids? Why weren’t they here yet? What is he even doing here? You grab his wrist and immediately pull him towards a private area.

“Are you out of your mind? What are you doing? You have a girlfrie-”

“We broke up.” he cuts you off.

“W-what?”

“We broke up.” He repeats, “I couldn’t stay with her anymore, Y/N.”

You clenched your fists, what was he even thinking? Wouldn’t the rumors worsen if he broke up with her now?

“I-I can’t let you go again.” Atsumu confessed, throwing all his pride out the window again for you because damn it all, you are worth it, “I can’t keep pretending that I’ve moved on when I’m clearly hung up on you.”

“What are you doing?” You spat, anger slowly creeping in, all the pent up emotion towards him being released, “Why would you do that?”

Atsumu notices the change of emotion, you’re getting angry. It’s a complete contrast to what he was expecting, he’d expect the calm and cool exterior, even expected you to cooly reject him like the past but this, this was new, “Why can’t I?”

“Are you out of your mind?” You exclaimed, “I left you! I have kids from another man-”

“So?” He asks, walking closer to you. The familiar smell of perfume and sweat invaded your senses, something you were accustomed to when you were dating him back then. He traps you between the wall and him. You can see the busted lip, what happened to him? Did he got into a fight? You feel like your mind was turning blank by the sudden events. You want to say something, anything but he’s rendering you speechless again, “What if I tell you I don’t care? What if I tell you that I still feel the same even after all this time?”

“Y-You're insane...I-I’m in love with someone else-” you tried to lie but you remember this is Miya Atsumu, he doesn’t give two shits and was willing to work as hard as he could to get what he wanted.

“Y/N, your kids told me that the bastard left. Why didn’t you tell me?” he cuts you off, this time, his voice seemed disappointed and angry yet you didn't know if it was towards you.

“W-what would you have done then?”

“If you’d come back to me then,” he paused, voice turning soft, “I would’ve helped you. I would’ve been there to stand in as a father if you even needed one.”

You’re trembling at his confession, were those words really from the heart?

“Y/N, I don’t know what happened between you and that guy.” he laughs, he didn’t expect it to be like this, that even after six years he’d still be pinning over the same woman who repeatedly broke his heart, “I don’t know what happened between you and your fucked-up family. All I do know is that I’m still in love with you and I’m willing to wait here until you’re ready. I won’t ever leave, Y/N. I-I don’t think I ever will.”

“You’re crazy.” You shakily point out, you’re in a fit of rage. You’re angry at him, you’re angry that he still lowers himself to you when he could do so much better, you’re angry that he still feels the same after all the shit you put him through, most of all, you’re angry at yourself because you couldn’t own up and tell him about everything.

Atsumu slowly holds up his hands, wanting to cup your cheeks but it is immediately swatted away. He notices that you’re trembling now, your facade, slowly crumbling.

“What made you think that I’d come back to you?” Your voice was trying to maintain it’s cold and emptiness tone yet your eyes showed the complete opposite, “Please be selfish for once, Miya-san. Just because you give your all to me, does not mean I’ll return it. I hope I really don’t see you again.”

taglist [taglists are sadly closed now, thanks guys <3]

@fortheloveofiwaizumi ; @svtbitch ; @kiyoomile ; @lovedanii ; @juno-multifandom ; @gyubit17 ; @saeranoppa ; @nixxona ; @kyomihann @shorttstackk ; @intoomuchfandoms ; @yammmers ; @mx-minxx @itsmattsunshinehere ; @missingmystogan ; @volleybloop ; @imcravingyou ; @yams-wants-that-booty ; @liathachcapricious ; @pinknugget @seikamuzu ; @marigoldthoughts ; @sillykittt ; @baejinoffcl ; @alluring-akaashi ; @bnhasstuff ; @intheawks ; @bokuakadaily ; @agaassi ; @yams046 ; @dope-squish ; @chrisrue15 ; @vermillionwaves ; @demursv1ogs ; @just-snog-already ; @angmarwitch ; @angmarwitch ; @simpingonothers ; @woo-youngs ; @cowward ; @chaelysian ; @sempiternal-amour ; @jungshookmeup ; @jovialnoise ; @karlitabi-rrito ; @iwaizluv ; @sugarandsoft ; @tspice283 ; @ohshirabu

@misosamu @Etherynaw @ryaaaax @differentballooncollection @keniloveshaikyuu @allysasteaparty @syzygymai [hi, i can’t seem to tag u guys, i think you need to open your tags uwu]

#haikyuu imagines #haikyu!! fanfics #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu angst #miya atsumu x reader #miya atsumu imagine #atsumu x reader #atsumu imagines #miya atsumu scenarios #miya atsumu fanfiction #miya atsumu #coward series #haikyuu atsumu #miya twins

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ramuoto · 4 years

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TOP 10 MANHWAs

if anything good came out of 2020, it’s my discovery of manhwas.

well, it’s not like i’ve never read a single manhwa in the past 15+ years but tbh, the ratio of manhwa:manga i consume on a weekly basis has jumped exponentially this year. previously it was like 1:99 and now it’s like 90:10 LMAO.

so, just to remind myself that the world is still full of good things, i had to make this list. which i will probably edit in the future, if i can be bothered to. :)

anyhow, this list was not made in any particular order, just whichever came into mind. it’s loooong so be prepared! (I’ve read way more titles than mentioned but just included the ones worth checking out)

for whoever stumbles across this list, i hope some of these resonate with you and i hope they make you as happy as they made me.

pic credits: https://geekculture.co/geeks-guide-to-transmigration-novels-avoid-death-at-all-costs/

1. Ebony

https://mangadex.org/title/41838/ebony

Bahahah omg he looks evil there! But our dearest archduke is hardly that aww. Soz, I just ripped off the covers of the manhwa cos I can’t find a panel I liked more than another. I mean, this manhwa is a GEM. I can’t even begin to describe this because everything about it blew me away. This is not something you read when you are craving for fluff, or just wanna have something brainless after a hard day at work or if you just wanna have some eye candy lol. This is something you pick up on a weekend, when you have time, because you need those hours to digest, appreciate, clutch your chest, tear a little because you find yourself falling in love with these characters. It doesn’t have any of that cliche isekai, romance, revenge themes going on. It has a solid plot, backed by incredible characters, beautifully woven by the authors and artist with incredible pacing that keeps you on your toes and keeps you looking forward to the next chapter. Maybe I would have been happier if I found it after it was completed lol. HAVE I CONVINCED YOU ENOUGH TO MAKE YOU WANNA READ IT?! like, idk, just go. JUST GO READ IT GDI.

p.s. it says there romance but naaaaaaah, dont go in with that expectation. :) this story is so much more than that.

2. Bring the love

https://mangadex.org/title/44472/bring-the-love

This...this!!! THIS MANHWA NEEDS MORE LOVE. If you need a lot of fluff, a little, ok maybe quite a bit of sadness and tragedy, sweet sweet romance, cutie pies, please, look no further!!! Again, pacing, character development are so important to me and this manhwa aces it. I love the 2 MCs very much. And the side characters too. :)

3. A Stepmother's Märchen

https://mangadex.org/title/39474/a-stepmother-s-m-rchen

When I first read this, i fucking cried. like please don’t ask me why. it’s not like its an absolute tragedy but I was just rooting for the MC so much and I really want for everything to go her way. That’s how much I adore this MC!!! I LOVE HER. I LOVE HER MORE THAN YOU DO NORA! HAHAHHA. okay soz. I need to keep this spoiler-free.

Anyhoo, there is nothing typical about this time travel plot. Sure, she goes back to try to undo the stuff that went wrong but phew, she certainly changed things so much everything that comes her way have made it so her previous experiences can hardly help aaaaaaand that’s what makes it fun! I sometimes wish the pacing could be a little more consistent, and there could be more characters I could love a little more wholeheartedly (so i wont have to be in so much despair when i read this sometimes lol) but omg the art, isn’t it pretty?! I’ve re-read this soooooo many times but the art blows me away all the time. And have I already mentioned how much I love her?! I LOVE YOU SHULI! AND I WANT YOU TO BE HAPPY!

4. Lady Baby

https://mangadex.org/title/34691/lady-baby

I literally LOL-ed when I saw this cover. WHO THE HELL ARE THEY. WHAT LADY BABY?! ehehehe. okay anyway, uhm, this is already incredibly popular. im not sure if i need to elaborate but yes, it’s adorbs!!! i dont think i like the MC as much as i love her family lol. and everyone else who adores her. im looking forward to when they get older. :) actually not really. please stay cute for as long as yall can! but yeah, i do wish the plot can move a lil faster. i want to see more character development in the other kids too COME ON!

5. Death Is the Only Ending for the Villainess

https://mangadex.org/title/47754/death-is-the-only-ending-for-the-villainess

am i allowed to reveal how shallow i am rn? like the previous choices were all like ‘wow-deep-plot’, ‘wow-character-development’ and this one i just included cos of AESTHETICS ALONE?! the novel covers are breathtaking!!! the manhwa art is amazing as well. and the harem is great! LOL. as for plot... uhm... it’s alright. it’s pretty engaging and i quite like the MC, she’s smart and independent and i love how she views them all antagonistically at all times HAHAHHA. her past is kinda... weird though and i do wish they’d stop referencing it. cos... girl why do you wanna go back to reality!!! stay here! it’s way more exciting!

i love the whole isekai/reincarnate/transmigration theme and this is honestly one of the better, not-so-cliche or cheesy ones HA.

6. Beware of the Villainess!

https://mangadex.org/title/47286/beware-of-the-villainess

do you already see the whole villainess theme?! am i suppose to start feeling embarrassed about my choices?! NO! cos this one is AWESOME!

again, another wildly popular title. for good reasons. it’s hilarious, our MC is as real and candid as it gets and LOOK AT THAT BLUE HAIRED BEAUTY. DO YOU SEE HIM?! IMPLANT HIM INTO YOUR MEMORY NOW!

it’s highly entertaining and breaks all isekai-reincarnation-villainess plot stereotypes. definitely one of the titles i look forward to every week.

7. Who Made Me a Princess

https://mangadex.org/title/32506/who-made-me-a-princess

what? why did i choose this?

BECAUSE OF CLAUDE OF COURSE. ahahaha. okay aside from the amaaaaaaazing art and the beautiful people, the plot is not too bad. a little extreme at times but it’s interesting enough to keep me going. it’s currently on hiatus though and i was highly annoyed by how the first season ended. (YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENED? NOTHING.)

i hope the plot can move faster in the next season! and that our dearest MC athanasia can you know, finally be a little more useful... like omg just tell lucas already!!! and tbh girl, no matter which guy you choose, i approve. :D

8. The Flower That Was Bloomed by a Cloud

https://mangadex.org/title/37648/the-flower-that-was-bloomed-by-a-cloud

i featured this before, mostly out of frustration HAHAHA. do you see why i chose this cover?! yeah, i support this (unpopular) pairing okay! the other one is doomed!!! no matter what the author is trying to do now!! I DONT SUPPORT IT!!! lol.

anyway, i had to feature this cos the art is unique! and the story is great. :) and i looooooove listening to the ost while i read it. it starts out kinda slow but as the pace picks up, you won’t be able to stop. and you find yourself conflicted at various points. it did win an award for a reason.

no matter what, i still think dowun is best for her okay. it’s dowun or nothing. he’s devoted to her, we all know that! he just needs to ditch that annoying female guard!!! ok yknw what, maybe nothing is better. :/ *cries*

9. Solo Leveling

https://mangadex.org/title/31477/solo-leveling

why do i even bother? this manhwa is popular enough.

the art is great. the MC is great. i use him and his gang as my wallpaper.

im just not sure i like how this season’s plot is progressing. :/ but i guess it brings us nearer to solving the mystery in the first leg of the manhwa. i just enjoyed the whole part of him leveling up and now that he isn’t really leveling up anymore... idk. am i hoping for more plot shit like bleach (oh wow now u quincy?)... idk man. anywho, no regrets starting on this series and marathon-ing it to death.

cross fingers the plot picks up and doesnt get too complicated for its own good.

10. The Reason Why Raeliana Ended Up at the Duke's Mansion

https://mangadex.org/title/31606/the-reason-why-raeliana-ended-up-at-the-duke-s-mansion

okay, tbh, by the time i reached 10, i still have like 15 other series i was considering LMAO. i even considered lengthening this top 10 to top 15. but that would just be more of me and my nonsense. so... why did i choose this?

COS I LOVE THE 2 MCs!!! they’re adorable. the plot is again, kinda far-fetched at times (i literally laugh my head off at some parts) but it’s isekai-reincarnation okay! anything is possible in whatever magical crap country you end up in! lol. and i like how straightforward it is... in the sense there’s no 2nd lead. like okay i mean they are there but we all know they have no chance. oops. sorry!

and cos i can’t give up on the other titles i have, imma just list them down, without pictures... cos im tired. HA.

11. Doctor Elise

https://mangadex.org/title/29474/doctor-elise

Kudos to the huge improvement in art style lmao. The good... lovable MCs, engaging plot. The bad... sometimes lengthy, incredulous medical moments (i work in the medical field so i... idk. sometimes this borders on iryu LMAO and i need to remind myself this is romance) otherwise, this is a highly highly entertaining read.

12. Seduce the Villain's Father

https://mangadex.org/title/46775/seduce-the-villain-s-father

This is another of my ‘father-love’ whims. MC is adorable and ML is handsome. enough said.

13. The Villainess Lives Twice

https://mangadex.org/title/49644/the-villainess-lives-twice

This is like a lesser version of Ebony and Bring the Love combined HAHAHA. The plot and premise is great and it’s awesome to marathon! I don’t find myself loving the MC as much as I should but the ML is a darling! I just find her a little toooooooo gloomy. Like come on girl, be more spunky!

14. The Stereotypical Life of a Reincarnated Lady

https://mangadex.org/title/46790/the-stereotypical-life-of-a-reincarnated-lady

I dont know why I like this so much HAHAHAHA. It hardly has a plot. I just find the MC and ML amusing i guess lol.

15. I'm Stanning the Prince

https://mangadex.org/title/45586/i-m-stanning-the-prince

Sometimes I wonder if I should be ranking this higher but I kinda feel this manhwa is trying to achieve too much with an underpowered MC. I love her... but I just don’t like how she’s just a pawn of everyone else and I dont know how she can change this situation of hers. It’s cute though. the MC and ML. and the ML reminds me so much of american/jap Mackenyu.

16. The Villainess Reverses the Hourglass

I HAD TO. the art is so pretty! but girl, dont use the hour glass so much! you look a little too old! i would appreciate it if MC stops basing too much of her moves on the “past” tho like idk you are gonna sound unoriginal soooooon like develop your own thoughts soon okay? <3

17. Inso's Law

ANOTHER ONE. omg. im a lil on the fence regarding this but i like MC too much. and her harem LOL. i dont see where the plot is going either but i just hope for a happy end... ):

18. Why Are You Doing This, Duke?

HAHAHA. this is sooooo sooooooo cute, i would have ranked it top 15 if it wasnt licensed by tapas tho cos they are a joke. WHY NOT TAPPY GDI.

19. Miss Not-So Sidekick

Uh-oh. Is this a top-20 list now? anyway, the MC for this series is GOLD. im not liking where it’s currently heading tho thus the lower ranking.

20. IRIS - Lady with a Smartphone

omg IVE NEGLECTED THIS FOR TOO LONG. lemme go buy more chapters hahahaha. it’s a tad too lengthy... otherwise i like the MC and yummy ML!

still not enough?

Special Mentions - Okay, these will be unranked cos I don’t think these are that good but probably still worth a read.

I've Become the Villainous Empress of a Novel - this is new, im looking forward to how it progresses wheeeee.

Lady to Queen - It’s a ruthless manhwa. There was a point i started reading all sorts of sadistic content (i was running out of content i swear) and this was one of the better ones. I appreciate the MC very much. the plot now is a little weird and im a bit wary of the MC’s sister... hopefully the ML can be more useful. he’s pitiful though. but dude come on, dont rely on the wrong gal.

Goodbye, In-law - I’m not sure if i like the current progress buuuuuuut MC and ML are cute so who cares.

The Duchess' 50 Tea Recipes - plot is still engaging. MC and ML are cute. i dont know where the plot is heading towards though.

A Falling Cohabitation - this is interesting and fun but a lil lengthy.

Light and Shadow - the sequel is out!!! i highly enjoyed this entire series!!! i would have probably ranked it a lil higher if i did this post earlier but too many series have overtaken this in my heart lol.

This Girl Is a Little Wild - is the hiatus ending yet? i would add it back to top 20 if it came back LOL. it’s highly entertaining tho. ML is adorable.

The Duchess With an Empty Soul - pretty nice. MC and ML are a little boring. i think it can end soon. LMAO.

A Capable Maid - it’s amusing how she gets her powers for all sorts of situations lol. the prince is creepy tbh. and im secretly rooting for the other king hehe.

Beware of the Brothers! - it’s cute and heart-wrenching at the same time! not too sure im digging the latest plot development but okay... i’ll take it. they’re all cuties.

Living as the Tyrant's Older Sister - hehehe. it’s cute. duke is kinda silly but the latest chapter made me squeal!!!

The Evil Lady's Hero - idk where the plot is going but MC and ML are adorable!!!

The Dragon Next Door - HAHAHA. it’s hilarious.

The Youngest Princess - she’s growing uppppp noooooooooooo

Virtues of the Villainess - ginger is hilarious. i dont see where the plot is going tho... and cant say i like the ML yet. i dont even get to see him much, hello?!

The Justice of Villainous Woman - pretty wholesome... i like the MC! (the ML is fine. no one else to contend with so...) can u end already?! lol.

Amina of the Lamp - hey, what happened to this? it’s pretty inconsistent but i do like the MC and ML... and the art...

The Villain's Savior - this is some sadistic shit. i reserve it for when i feel sadistic. i pretty much wanna see MC happy but idk if she’s making the right choices. :/

I Don't Want to Be Empress! - HAHAHAHA uhm it’s getting interesting. i just want ML to step up more...

La dolce vita di Adelaide - I FINISHED THIS! and it’s wholesome, feel-good and cute. some parts felt a lil extra but ah whatever.

The Black Haired Princess - plot. move. faster!!! otherwise the MC and ML are pretty cute.

The Abandoned Empress - im a lil on the fence but i know how popular this series is. it started out HORRIBLE. i hated the ML so much. and then i found the green hair boy creepy. like MC, you need better taste in boys. it’s certainly getting more interesting now though. so please, continue to make my money’s worth!!!

Lucia - i. am. not. guilty. of. anything. *smut warning* anyway go read the novel. it’s better. hehehe.

What's Wrong with Secretary Kim - i do not need to elaborate any further.

Past loves

I created this section just to remind myself, that what i could like one day, i could hate the next LOL.

The Monster Duchess and Contract Princess - I know this is wildly popular. but i lost interest in it once she grew up. i dont think she’s particularly lovable. soz.

Survive as the Hero's Wife - another popular choice. I find the plot kinda boring now. MC and ML are cute though.

Sincerely: I Became a Duke's Maid - another popular one. again, boring plot. like cant it end yet? oh you mean we need to wait for the real female lead to show up? dont need luh.

I Am a Child of This House - wow. the plot is shit now. and i do not support the MC and her guard. soz. she’s OVERPOWERED tbh.

This Is an Obvious Fraudulent Marriage - idk what happened but my enthusiasm for this died.

Charlotte and Her 5 Disciples - i don’t get it. i dont get their obsession for her.

#manhwa #fav manhwa #ebony #bring the love #a stepmother's marchen #lady baby #death is the only ending for the villainess #beware of the villainess #who made me a princess #the flower that was bloomed by a cloud #solo leveling #the reason why raeliana ended up at the duke's mansion

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simpsiren · 3 years

Text

dong sicheng x reader, ft, taeyong

“Your brain works like a computer, like clockwork. Yet you just can’t think straight because you’re thinking of her, right?”

description. I watched in pain as my best friend whom I liked for ages become delusional of my feelings and fall in love with another girl. I never told my feelings for him, and I never will. Little did I know that he felt the same as well. The feelings that took him so long to realise, now with hope that it wouldn’t be too late.

genre. aNgsT, fluff, friends au, unrequited love au

warnings. sad but also not a sad ending. depends how you look at it cudndjdn

word count. 9.2k~

a/n. do yall ever feel emo and suddenly want to write a sad ff? yes this is one of those times. i actually never wrote a ff where it was eXtrEmElY sad but oh wells let’s put you on an emotional roller coaster ride while you read this HAHA enjoy!

Dong Sicheng. Winwin as his nickname and what everyone, teachers and students, call him by. He’s smart, kind, sweet, and appearance wise you can never say no to that beautiful face. He’s an all rounder perfect student that everyone adores and admires. He’s extremely friendly, being able to socialise with everyone in the hallways right off the bat. I can confirm in my three years of high school that no one has never disliked him before.

The only thing that everyone dislike though is the fact that I’m his best friend. The only one that calls him by his real name, the one that can get close to him in terms of physical touch, and just have him by my side almost all the time. I received hate for being his best friend since they think he deserves better. But at this point, I really couldn’t care less, opting to stay quiet and accept the harsh words thrown at me with zero care for the world.

Since those insults are given to me when I’m away from Winwin, I never told him about what happens outside of his sight since I didn’t want him to be concerned for me and have him worry over a small matter. Things like this in high school are what I consider childish, which is why I try my best to ignore it as much as possible.

“Here. Another box of cookies and perfume. Also, a ton of love letters.” I said lazily, tossing the bag of gifts to Winwin’s lap and taking the seat beside him with a groan. I hated it when girls asked me to pass their gifts to Winwin because they’re too shy to do it themselves. It’s not like I’m some delivery girl in charge of taking care of their gifts. But I got used to it. Not sure if that’s exactly a good thing or not.

“You can have the cookies.” Winwin took out the box of cookies and handed it over to me. I took it and scoffed in amusement. “The price for the ingredients to make regular cookies is way more cheaper than buying it from wherever she got this.” I inspected the box and the cookies inside, noticing how expensive it looked with the decorations.

Regardless, I opened the box and picked up a cookie to take a bite. “Okay well it tastes good.” I said in defeat. Winwin wasted no time to grab a cookie and try it, instantly humming dreamily. “Oh wow it’s actual good.” Winwin moaned out as he finishes the cookie in his mouth.

“Being the school’s most adored student couldn’t get any more better, huh?” I reached into the bag of gifts and took out a random letter, twirling it around in my hand as I observed the aesthetics of it.

Winwin huffed, leaning back into the seat. “It’s tiring. I’m only down for the free food. And perfumes.” Winwin takes out the perfume, which I could already tell from its packaging that it was an expensive one. He unboxes it and squirts once to smell the fragrance in the air. He shrugged and shook his head. “Expected better. I’ll just sell this.”

I chuckled at his reaction, sniffing the scent that was in the air and nodding in agreement. “By the way...” Winwin suddenly started. I noticed his change in behaviour. He’s acting all shy and somewhat embarrassed, looking down and fidgeting with his fingers and feet. I raised at eyebrow at his unexpected mood change.

“You know the new student that got transferred four months ago?” I clicked my tongue and nodded. “Haeun, right? What about her?” I asked, though I wasn’t fully concentrated on the conversation because I couldn’t stop shoving the cookies into my mouth and admiring it’s savoury taste.

“Would it be weird to say I like her?”

I froze in my spot, a cookie halfway into my mouth as I tilted my head up from the cookies to look at Winwin. Though he was looking down to his feet, I could tell he was smiling to himself like an idiot and blushing intensively.

I knew where this was going. And I didn’t like it. It hurts my heart, like a needle constantly jabbing into my heart as the question that Winwin asked resonates in my head. Not receiving a reply, Winwin called out to me, making me shake my head and blinking my eyes rapidly to snap myself out of my thoughts.

“Um well, how’s she like?” I asked hesitantly. Why was I dumb enough to ask this? I’ll only be hurting myself more with the answer Winwin was about to give.

“She’s a badass. She’s strong, and she knows how to stand up to the students that bully her. I admire her a lot because she’s fearless. The way she can even fight back to the teacher and actually having valid arguments. She’s not like anyone else here.”

Of course she isn’t. She not at all like me either. I took a deep breath, knowing I’ve done a great job at stabbing myself in the back as I lump filled my throat, once again unable to give a single reaction of sentence. “You okay? You seem worked up suddenly.” Winwin suddenly got closer and I quickly inched back.

I felt my body getting tensed up as my face gave a blank expression. I wasn’t sure what to feel. Anger, sadness, heart fluttering due to Winwin’s small action of getting close to my face. Maybe all three.

“You do remember what happened the other times you have liked a girl, right? You know they didn’t end well. I don’t see why you’re still trying.”

That, was the only excuse I could come up with to have Winwin not having any interest in other girls. Before high school, he’s liked plenty of girls. But they’ve all rejected him, causing him to come to me for comfort. It hurt my heart, seeing that I’m the one that has to watch him go through a heartbreak and being the hopeless romantic he was. It also pained me in a way that I couldn’t describe.

If only you were mine, you wouldn’t have gone through any of that.

“What if someone else liked you? What would you do?” Winwin tilted his head upwards with a finger on his chin for a moment as he stopped to think. He had an unreadable expression on his face, only making me wonder what he would reply.

“Depends on who.” Winwin simply replied.

“What if that someone is really close to you?” His forehead creased with raised brows, probably either curious as to why I’m asking such questions or trying to figure out where this conversation is heading.

“The only ones I’m close to are you and Yuta.” A few seconds later, Winwin gaped his mouth open and covered it with the palm of his hand, letting out a shocking gasp. “Is Yuta gay?!” Winwin burst out laughing crazily, smacking his thigh as he had a hand on his stomach.

I could only sit there with an unamused face. I glanced sideways and forced a smile. A simpered smile that would best hide what I truly felt. I rose from my seat with the box of cookies in hand. “I meant the other person, Dong Sicheng.” I looked straight into his eyes with a face of seriousness. Though I doubt Winwin understood what I meant by that.

Not being able to handle this any longer, I walked away, despite Winwin calling out my name multiple times. I walked till I hid behind a wall where it was out of Winwim’s sight, beginning to slide my back down the wall till I hit the ground, my eyes starting to get flooded with tears till they finally stream down my face. I brought my knees close to my chest with the box of cookis in between and hiding my face with my arms.

How long do I have to keep this up? How long do I have to wait till Winwin realises my feelings for him? All this time while he went through constant heartbreaks, I was the only one there for him. Me. I had to watch him cry days on end all because of a girl who doesn’t even mean much.

And now I have to watch him go through it again. But I can’t stop him. It’s his feelings. Despite my constant share of concerns for him, he never seemed to stop being the stupid one in love. Dong Sicheng was, and always will be, a hopeless romantic.

But in a way, I was as well. Not being able to let go of my feelings for him that has kept me tied down for so long. I liked him for years and I knew my love was more than what the girls he liked before could offer. If only he could just see that. But waiting for that moment slowly began to get tiring.

I wondered where Winwin has gone to as I laid on the living room couch with my phone held in the air showing Winwin’s contact on the screen. I contemplated on whether I should call him or not.

There have been days where Winwin would come back to our apartment late, but it’s either because he had family events (which happens quite often in Winwin’s case) or just an outing with Yuta. But I would have known the reason either way since he’d always update me whenever he went. It felt out of place to not know where he was and it made me a little worried.

As I was about to press on the call button, I heard the front door open. Lifting my head from the couch, I turned around and saw Winwin taking off his shoes and walking in. “Where the heck have you been, you dork?!” I shouted, throwing a pillow from under my head.

He got hit by it, resulting him to frown and let out a wince due to his overreacting nature. “Chill I just went out of Haeun, alright?” Winwin picked up the pillow from the ground and tossed it back to me.

I didn’t even bother asking why he went out with her. I didn’t want to hear about it either, knowing that my emotional feelings for him that I’ve tried to hide for so long will start to flare up. Regardless, Winwin ran over to me and pushed my legs off fhe couch to give him space to sit. I groaned at his act and sat up straight.

“Today was so fun! I went to the amusement park with Haeun and holy shit was she good at winning games but I wasn’t able to win any for her and I felt bad so we...”

As Winwin rambled on about his amazingly perfect night out with Haeun, I spaced out and could only think about what I have to deal with once Haeun leaves Winwin again. Though now I’m starting to doubt that because well, who wouldn’t want Winwin? He had a major glow up from elementary school to high school anyways.

But now my mind has wondered off to the possibility that I might actually lose Winwin once he gets together with her. And how the feelings that I’ve kept solely for him would go to waste and my times of waiting on him would mean nothing.

“Good that you had fun. I’ll go to bed now.” I said in monotoned manner when Winwin finally stopped talking.

“Oh um okay... goodnight. Sleep tight. Dream of me, alright?” He probably noticed my sudden change in attitude but didn’t bother asking, and instead tried to lighten the mood with a little joke.

“I always dream of you.” I mumbled under my breath as I walked away and entered my room.

Little did I know, my soft mumble wasn’t as soft as it seemed.

“Why did she sound serious when she said that?” Winwin asked himself as he sat there in silence. He started to think about her weird behaviour these days. Especially whenever he brought up about Haeun. Was there something wrong with talking about Haeun? Why did she look like all the energy was drained out of her whenever he spoke Haeun’s name?

Winwin’s deep thoughts got cut off when he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket. He took it out to see a notification from Haeun asking if they should go out more often. He didn’t bother to reply as his mind was only filled with his best friend, deeply concerned but also anxious.

“What am I feeling right now?”

Yuta and I decided to eat lunch together since Winwin’s chemistry teacher held his class back for a reason that he never specified.

Our conversation was going well till somehow our topic swerved into talking about Winwin.

“I heard Winwin’s going out with Haeun more often, and ditching you too.” Yuta suddenly mentioned, taking a sip of his lemon tea.

I suspired and nodded my head. “Yeah well, I’m not too happy about that.” I swirled my straw in my drink, getting mesmerised at the sight. “Of course you don’t. You like him.”

My eyes immediately shot up to Yuta’s, narrowing my eyes in an intimidating manner as I whispered, “Don’t mention it, please. It already hurts enough that it’s a fact.” I said, my eyes softening right after as I frowned.

“You still aren’t giving me a proper answer as to why you can’t tell him.” Yuta bobbed his shoulders, adjusting his blazer. “I told you time and time again.”

I groaned, covering my eyes with a hand. “He’s my best friend. You know how weird it’ll be if we have feelings for each other. Secondly, even if he does like me back, how will things turn out between us if we argue or something? It’s worse for you because you’re friends with the both of us.” I explained, making random hand gestures like you would do in a presentation.

“But still. It’s important to be friends before lovers. Better yet best friends to lovers. You’re basically saying that a male and female can’t be friends without one of them falling in love. Well. I mean you fell in love but-”

“But what, huh?”

Yuta let out a deep sigh before leaning in, resting his chin on his hands with his fingers interlocked together. “But that doesn’t explain you and me. We’re friends but we’ve never fell in love.” Yuta gave a cheeky smile. I growled and smacked his forehead, hard. “What it’s the truth! Anyways, if you aren’t going to anything about Sicheng, I will.”

As soon as he said those words, I wasted no time to loom over the table to grab him by the collar. “Do anything, and you’ll get brutally killed.”

Yuta simpered, knowing he fucked up as he laughed in fear. “W-with what?” Yuta asked hesitantly. I slowly picked up the fork from my tray and raising it beside my head.

“This fork.” This time, Yuta laughed hysterically, removing my hand away from his collar and throwing me back down to me seat. I let out a huff, slamming the fork back on the plate. “Which body part do you want to hit with a fork, sweetie?” Yuta teased.

I threw him a sharp glare with a line appearing between my brows. “I’ll carve out your eyeballs first so you’ll never see the light of day.” I rolled my eyes and shook my head, finding Yuta shaking in fear as he waved his hands in the air in defense. “Okay, okay. I’ll shut up. Jeez...”

“I just want him to realise my feelings himself. Have you seen what he’s gone through? I have to deal with his stupid feelings while I have to bear the fact that he won’t see me as anything more than a best friend. His delusional ass that I can’t stop falling for...” I continued.

“I’m more stupid in this situation than him if we’re going to be honest.”

Later that day, Yuta and I invited Winwin to go out and have dinner. We were waiting in front of the restaurant only to be greeted with Winwin and a somewhat unwanted guest.

“Oh! Haha it’s Haeun...” Yuta waved a hand to her. She greeted him back with a gentle smile that could possibly mesmerised anyone if she wanted to. Yuta took a quick glance at me. I was pretty sure we were both thinking the same thing. About how I’m not liking the fact that she’s here with Winwin. He brought his hand to my back and rubbed it gently as a sign of comfort.

Don’t get me wrong. I hold no hatred or grudge towards her. It’s just that I didn’t want to see Winwin with another girl. Clearly, I was jealous. I was just too weary of Winwin’s feelings and mine to own up to it.

“Let’s go in then?” She asked excitedly, looking up to Winwin as she tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear. Winwin smiled back and patted her on the head. I was already not liking how physically close they were.

Little actions like patting the head, hugging, ruffling the hair. Those were all actions that only Winwin has ever done to me. He wouldn’t even be this close to the girls that he used to like. Seeing that he’s now becoming more open, it made me disappointed a lot more than it should due to the deep stupid meaning I hold of the little things he does.

Our conversations while we were eating were quite general. Most questions were about Haeun and getting to know her better. Well, more specifically it was Yuta since I’m pretty sure Winwin already knew a lot about her. As for me, I didn’t bother.

“You should try this. It’s delicious.” Haeun suddenly said, picking up a drumstick of the chicken that was just served to us and bringing it to Winwin’s mouth. Haeun placed a finger in Winwin’s chin to bring his head closer. With Winwin opening his mouth widely, Haeun feeds him with the most brightest smile.

“You’re so cute.” I heard Winwin whisper as he leaned down to Haeun’s ear. She giggled with glee and nudged him in the shoulder. It was obvious that she was liking it. Her blushing couldn’t get any more serious.

He hummed in satisfaction as he chewed on the chicken. “You should try it, too.” Winwin said, passing me a drumstick and putting it on my plate. I forced a smile, which turned out to me only giving a half-smile due to my effort of trying to hide my feelings slowly becoming drained.

Seeing how Yuta kept stealing glances at me, I could only assume that he knew what I was feeling when he suddenly said, “Actually it seems like she’s getting tired. I’ll see her off. You guys have fun.” Yuta swung an arm around my shoulder as the two of us stood up and grabbed our belongings before heading out and leaving the two to hang out by themselves.

“You didn’t have to do that...” I whispered, looking into my bag and checking if I left anything behind. Yuta shook his head and shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “I had to. It was hard to watch you die inside while they were being all lovey-dovey.” Yuta replied.

“Anyways, can you go home yourself?” I gaped my mouth and scoffed, glancing sideway before looking up to him with a raised brow. “You brought me out here but you can’t be a gentleman and send me home!?” I hissed.

“The food inside was actually good and I’m willing to finish whatever’s on my plate!” Yuta retorted with a cute pout as a way to persuade me to follow his way. With the unamused face I gave him, he huffed and ran a hand through his hair.

As though a lightbulb was suddenly lif above his head, he snapped his fingers and shouted, “Ahah!” making me flinch back at the sudden noise. “I’ll text Taeyong to drive you home on his motorbike.”

I furrowed my eyebrows, but shrugged in the end as I admitted it was a good idea. “Yeah sure. I find him cute.” I said plainly, which somehow earned me a weird look from Yuta.

“You called him cute?” Yuta asked in a way that told me that he was surprised. I nodded my head slowly, not sure about why he reacted that way but I was quick to figure it out. “Don’t be an idiot and assume I like him. Everyone finds him cute, okay? It’s like how fangirls call their idols cute all the time. It means nothing.” I said with a sigh.

Yuta’s surprised face slowly turned into a sinister one as his mouth formed a wide smirk. “Hey. Honestly speaking, if you can’t have Winwin, You should try Taeyong. He’s a good catch.” Yuta winked at me before looking down to this phone and texting Taeyong.

I smacked him in the arm, making him wince in pain but recovered in no time due to his endurace of me beating him up almost all the time. “You think my three years of affection for Winwin will just magically go away if I liked him? Don’t be ridiculous, will you?” I let out a ‘tsk’ as I threw him a death glare.

“You never know, sweetie.” Yuta breathed out, putting his phone away and getting close to me. “He’s coming in ten minutes so I’ll go now, okay? Text me when you get home.” Yuta gave a heartwarming smile as he reached both his hands out to rub my shoulders before bidding his last goodbye and going back in.

I scratched my head as I sat down at one of the benches near the entrance while I waited for Taeyong. I soon saw the motorbike that looked familiar since it was always parked at the parking lot at school, knowing it was him.

Taeyong stopped in front of me and lifted the shield of his helmet, revealing his face. He stepped down from his bike and headed to the trunk to take out a spare helmet. I walked up to him with a soft smile.

“Thanks for wanting to send me home. I would’ve gone myself.” I said as I took the helmet that Taeyong handed out to me. “It’s fine. I was pretty free and wanted to go out for a bit.” Taeyong smiled back with a light shrug.

“By the way...” I let out while adjusting my helmet. “Hm?” Taeyong asked.

“Can you take me to an ice cream shop? Any will do. I just need to eat something sweet right now.”

Taeyong got on his back and tapped the seat behind him to signal me to get on as he started up his motorbike. “Sure. I have a place in mind.”

I hopped on as I thought we were about to head off, Taeyong turned his head back to look at me. “You should place your hands on my shoulder. If it’s uncomfortable for you, just hold onto the handles beside you. Just... make sure you have something to grip on.”

I looked down to one of my sides to find the handle that Taeyong mentioned but there’s wasn’t any. I didn’t bother asking and made the quick decision if placing my hands on his shoulders to not keep him waiting. He finally puts down the shield of his helmet as we drove off.

Taeyong ended up taking me to an ice cream shop that was opened for twenty four hours. Which I was thankful for since it meant that there’s an ice cream shop I could go to at four in the morning in case I was in my feels one night.

I ordered two scoops of cookie dough while Taeyong ordered three scoops of cookies and cream. We had to sit at the roadside since the shop didn’t provide anywhere to sit. But I was fully fine with it since I wanted to feel the night air as well as look at the night sky.

We both ate in silence till I fed myself a bite and stuck my spoon into the ice cream, looking up to the sky and closing my eyes for moment.

“Are you on your period, perhaps?” Taeyong suddenly asked. I opened my eyes and tilted my head back down to look at him, shaking my head. “Why’d you think that?”

“I know that most girls have cravings that kick in at random times of the day during their periods. I also know girls crave sweet things too.” I chuckled at his response, nodding my head in agreement. “You’re right about the craving thing. But I’m not on my period.”

I paused for a moment before letting out a soft sigh. “It’s more of eating something sweet to wash down all the bitter feelings that build up in my throat.” I whispered, grabbing my spoon to take another bite.

Taeyong clicked his tongue and nodded his head slowly. “Do you mind me asking why? I-If it’s too personal you don’t have to-“

“What would you do if you liked a girl who’s your best friend for three years but she ended up liking someone else?” I cut him off, tilting my head to the side.

Taeyong looked up to stop and think. “I’ll probably do something to lose my feelings for her. I wouldn’t want to make myself suffer by keeping my feelings depite me knowing she won’t except it.”

“You know like move on. If I liked a girl for three years, I’ll probably take a long time to let go but maybe with the help of meeting new people and distancing myself away from her, I’ll eventually forget about her.” Taeyong added.

As I listened to his advice, I understood what he meant. Why do I burden myself with such feelings? It’s like I’ve been trapped in a cage due to the unrequited love I have for Winwin. Why make myself suffer any longer?

“That’s true... I probably should- I-I mean a friend asked me- Oh who am I kidding I’m asking you this for my sake.” I let out a sigh in defeat, stabbing my spoon into the ice cream before aggressively taking another bite.

“Let’s play some music. It’ll lighten the mood up a little.” Taeyong said with a warm smile, noticing my somber aura and wanting to do something about it.

He opened his phone as he scrolled through his playlist to find a song. “I really like this song so if I suddenly burst out dancing stupidly, don’t make fun of me.” I chuckled before nodding my head, eagerly as I was curious about the song he wanted to play. “I’m not judgy I promise.”

While the spoon that was filled with ice cream was being brough up to my lips, the song started playing and I quickly took a bite before swallong and gaping my mouth open as I instantly recognised the intro.

“Roses by Finn Askew?!” I asked with excitement. Taeyong nodded his head happily as he began to sing the lyrics, bringing his hands up and vibing to the music.

I laughed as I watched him sing and have fun. I decided to let go and sing as well, grooving my body as I finished my last spoon of ice cream.

Throughout the whole song, the two of us didn’t stop dancing in our seats. I constantly laughed at the weird movements and actions he did while we nodded our heads to the soothing music that we both loved.

Taeyong’s singing talent also shined through as he sang the song. I was definitely impressed by how much of a good singer he was. “I didn’t know you could sing like that, Taeyong.” I complimented as another song began to play in the background.

“It’s just a hidden talent most people don’t know. But I’m more to rapping.” Taeyong said with a shrug, placing his now empty cup beside him.

“Actually you’re one of the few people that know I rap.” Taeyong added.

I giggled in response. “I’m honoured to be one of the lucky few. Send me an audio of you rapping sometime. I’d love to hear it.” Taeyong chuckled lowly.

I quicly glance at my phone to check the time. I realised it was getting late and that I shouldn’t be out any longer. I looked at Taeyong, wanting to ask if he could take me home.

He turned to me and gave me a smile. A smile that I was suddenly to drawn into. The way his eyes formed a thin line as his lips curled up. He looked perfect and could make anyone swoon. He was cute.

“I know it’s getting late but can we just stay here a little while longer? I’m trying to savour this atmosphere.” I whispered.

Taeyong nodded and handed me his phone out of the blue. I raised an eyebrow at his sudden action. “Play any song you want. We can stay here as long as you want to.” Taeyong said in a gentle voice.

With that, I spent at least a few hours just sitting at the roadside with Taeyong as I swayed my head to peaceful songs that fit the mood. Taeyong was kind enough to let me play whatever song I liked even though I know there’s a few he wouldn’t know. Surprisingly, Taeyong and I had the same taste in music, which made us talk sbout our favourite artists etc.

I realised how quickly I got to know Taeyong. In a matter of a few hours, it felt like I instantly clicksd with him and I somehow felt as though I’ve known him for a long time. This feeling with Taeyong was refreshing and new. I liked it without a doubt.

Once we decided it was actually getting late, we called it a nighy and have Taeyong drive me home. When we arrived at my apartment, I got off and took off the helmet, passing it to Taeyong as he got off his motorbike as well to put the helmet back in the trunk.

“It was nice hanging out with you. I actually had fun for the first time in a long time.” I said after Taeyong closed the lid of the trunk and turned to me.

“Just call me if you need more ice cream.” Taeyong winked playfully. I took my phone out for him to put his number in. Once that was done, I stood in front of Taeyong, wanting to wait for him to drive off but he didn’t seem to move, leaning back against the motorbike.

“Aren’t you going to go?” I asked.

“I’m waiting for you to head inside so I know you got home safely.” Taeyong mentioned casually.

I chuckled and shook my head, nodding before making my way to the entrance. I turned around and flashed him one last smile and a small wave before heading in.

“Oi! Why the fuck are you home so late?! Did you know how worried I was?! Yuta told me Taeyong was going to send you home!” Damn, I just had to come home with Winwin shouting at me.

“I went out with him for a bit! And can you shut up it’s late at night and you’ll wake up the neighbours.”

I made my way to my room only to have Winwin following behind me and entering as well. “You shouldn’t be staying out late with a guy you barely know. Who knows what could happen to you?”

I took out my belongings from my sling bag and hung it behind my door, scoffing loudly.

“Oh so now you’re worrying? I bet you were out with Haeun and came home late as well.” I fought back.

“I came home earlier than you.”

“Taeyong is Yuta’s friend. And I do know him. So shut it and get out of my face. I’m tired.” I lashed out, pushing Winwin out of my room and slamming the door shut.

I plopped myself onto my bed as I took in the comfort of laying down on the most comfortable space I’ll ever know.

As I played with my phone, I suddenly got a text from an unknown number.

Unknown number: hey it’s Taeyong. you dont have to reply since i bet you’ll be sleeping by now but hope you made it home safely.

I let out an “Ah...” now knowing this was Taeyong’s number and saving it into my contacts.

Y/n: oMg chIlL i got home just fine thanks to you. hope you made it home safe as well

the ice cream man: i did, dont worry. i hope i got to get rid of any bitter feelings you had. goodnight :)

I left him on seen as I placed my phone screen down beside me and looked up the ceiling.

The night I spent with Taeyong somehow felt, magical. Like Cinderella at the ball. I had a lot of fun with him and I was able to let myself be free. Surprisingly, Winwin wasn’t on my mind for a second while I was with Taeyong. I only wished to continue being Cinderella for more than one night as I craved to hang out with Taeyong.

But also, the advice that Taeyong gave me continuously resonated in my head.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to let go after all.

On the very same night, Winwin had to face his feelings as well.

“What’s your real reason for going out with Haeun?” Yuta asked as he walked to the living room where Winwin was at and taking a seat beside him. Winwin took a sip of water from the cups that Yuta brought from the kitchen. “Because I like her.”

“Now’s not the time to fuck with me, Winwin. I know it’s something else.”

Winwin exhaled sharply and fighting back with a, “What else is there? I like Haeun, so I asked her out.” Yuta scoffed and slammed his cup down on the table, his eyes narrowed down to Winwin.

“How long are you going to keep this up? What are you trying to do? Hide your feelings? Use Haeun to distract yourself from her? How low can you get?”

Winwin took in a deep breath and rubbed one hand down his face in frustration. “I told you. I like her as a friend.”

“No.” Yuta replied instantly with a stern tone. “You think I don’t know you? You don’t think I see you staring at her during class? Or that one time where you ranted to me about how she went out with a group of guys from our class.” Yuta got closer to Winwin and he wasn’t fazed at all, determined to maintain this eyecontact that was filled to the brim with tension.

“So? It’s because I care for her. Are friends not suppose to do that?” Winwin retorted back, leaning in as he bored his eyes into Yuta’s.

“She’s right. You really are delusional. I don’t know why I bothered trying.” Yuta downed the rest of his drink and stood up, placing the cup on the table. “Well, she told me I should just make you realise it yourself.” Yuta bent down to meet Winwin’s eye level.

“And you better pray that by the time you do, it won’t be too late.”

With that, Yuta grabbed his belongings and headed to the door, exiting and slamming the door shut. Winwin blinked his eyes a few times and stared at the door.

To be honest, Winwin didn’t understand what just happened. A lot of questions popped up in his mind after Yuta left. What did he meant by delusional? What was he delusional about? What did he have to realise for himself? And what did she have to do with all this?

The longer he sat there in deep thought with analysing everything that Yuta said, Yuta was right in some way. The fact that he gets concerned for her with whatever action she did, but ended up not doing anything about it. He stared at her in class to make sure she wouldn’t fall asleep. He was overprotective about her being around guys because he didn’t want guy to be with her but himself and Yuta. The problem is, why did Yuta talked to him about it as if it was something else? Isn’t this what you do with your friends?

Winwin’s eyes immediately darted back to the front door where he heard the shuffling of footsteps coming. He knew it was her. The moment she opened the door, one last questioned surfaced in his mind.

“What’s too late?”

Little by little, one ice cream date at a time, I began to get a lot more closer to Taeyong. He never lets down an ice cream date and everytime I was with him, he gave me a place where I could go away from my sufferings of my complex love situation. It was as if he gave me a way to escape. Just by being with him, I felt that I didn’t need to suffer.

Our ice cream dates evolved into doing other things like exploring the city, or trying out restaurants we’ve never been to before. To be honest, I would do anything if it meant being with Taeyong. He really was like my very own escape world, where I could run away from the only problem I’m currently facing. Which was Winwin.

Since our exams were coming up, our dates naturally became centered around studying. Today was no different, going to the study cafe that we’ve been to a couple of times.

We decided to sit at the corner of the cafe so that we’ll be able to concentrate better. Me being the relatively smarter one, I had to tutor Taeyong. It was a good thing that he wasn’t one to slack on his studies. He’s avarage in terms of academics but he was willing to try and get better. It made it easy for me to tutor him since he would try his best to understand and stay attentive.

Though, I couldn’t help but notice him stealing quick glances of me whenever I wasn’t looking at him. Does he perhaps like me or something?

“I want coffee.” Taeyong groaned out, pouting cutely in front of me as he desperately asked for a break. I chuckled at his adorable nature and ruffled his hair. “A fifteen minute break, alright? I’ll buy you coffee.”

I was about to stand up from my seat when Taeyong gripped onto my wrist and sat me back down. “I’ll do it myself. Do you want your favourite drink?” I smiled and nodded my head eagerly.

Taeyong rose from his seat. Before he walked off, he bent down and placed a quick peck on my cheek and ran off in a matter of seconds. Taeyong turned around and flashed his cheeky playful smile with mouthing, “That was intentional.”

I giggled and waved a hand in the air, signalling him to turn to the cashier who was waiting for him to order. I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel something after that small kiss.

Over time as our friendship grew, Taeyong became more affectionate towards me. He was a natural at it. Without me knowing, he ended up holding hands and giving each other kisses on the cheek of forehead. It made my heart race every time and he would tease me whenever I blushed. Of course I did the same to him.

A little while later he came back with the drinks, placing them on the table before taking his seat next to me.

We resumed studying till I heard the bell above the door rang, signalling that someone has came in. I didn’t really care about it as the music from Taeyong’s phone played on one side of the earpiece that I wore was loud. I then however heard a very familiar voice.

Looking up, I saw Winwin and Haeun standing by the counter to order. With creases formed on my forehead with eyes that were glued to the two of them, Taeyong noticed my expression and looked at where my gaze was at. “I’m assuming that’s the guy you like for three years?” I nodded with a defeated sigh.

“We can go if you want. I’m afraid it’ll distract you.” Taeyong whispered. Right as I was about to reply, Winwin and Haeun turned around with their drinks as they tried finding a seat. While Winwin’s eyes scanned through the area, he made eye contact with me, causing him to give a confused look until Haeun went up to kiss his cheek and urging him to sit at the spot she found for them.

I bowed my head to greet him while Winwin did the same. I turned back to Taeyong after that awkward encounter. “It’s fine. It’ll be a hassle for us to waste time to go somewhere else.” Taeyong shrugged and nodded his head, resuming to look at the question in front of him.

We were studying for quite some time and I started to feel my adrenaline to continue studying slowly disappearing. With my chin on the palm of my hand, I tried to close my eyes to let them rest for a moment while letting out a tired sigh. Suddenly, I felt Taeyong’s hand guiding my head to rest on his shoulder.

I moved my head around to try and find a comfortable position, which ended up with my head being buried in the crook of Taeyong’s neck. I sniffed the strong scent of his perfume that I oh so adore. “You always smell good.” I complimented.

Taeyong chuckled in response. “I’ll continue to smell good if it means that you’ll rest your head on me more.” I tilted my head up with my chin still resting on his shoulder as I looked up. Taeyong brought his head down to make eye contact with me, leaning in slowly and kissing my forehead ever so gently.

“Go sleep. You need some rest.” With a hand slowly snaking around my waist, I got comfortable with Taeyong’s embrace. Before I closed my eyes, I absentmindedly looked towards where Winwin was sitting. For some reason, he gave me a look of anger, with a tensed body and clenched fist on the table and eyes lit with fire. It disappeared almost instantly when Haeun called out to him, forcing him to look back at her with a wide grin.

What the fuck was she doing with Taeyong? When has she gotten so clingy with him? How are they that close in the span of a few months? Questions like these circled Winwin’s mind throughout the time he was at the study cafe with Haeun.

Oddly, he couldn’t get his eyes and mind off her and Taeyong. He observed their very move closely. He felt like raging every time Taeyong even placed a finger on her. You could imagine how Winwin felt when Taeyong had his arm around her waist and her head on his shoulder.

She said they were just friends. But Winwin couldn’t believe that claim at all. Friends are not so touchy like this, right? As much as he wanted to agree to that question, he couldn’t. Because that’s what he’s been doing with her as well. Being physically close while still being friends. He just never imagined she’d do it with someone else.

Winwin knew for a fact that what he was feeling was pure jealousy. It shocked him due to how mad he could get at this.

After his study session with Haeun, he went straight back home. Realising you weren’t there, he assumed you went out with Taeyong again. He rushed into his room and threw himself onto his bed, placing a pillow over his face and screaming into it.

Winwin threw the pillow beside him and huffed, looking up at the ceiling. Once again he was deep in thought as he stared at the ceiling. This time, he was fighting a war in his head as he tried his best not to admit his feelings. The pride he held to deny it. But he couldn’t hold on anymore. Allowing his wall to crumble down as he came face to face with his true feelings. He decided to call Yuta to ask for help.

The moment Yuta picked up the phone, Winwin said, “Okay you’re right. I can’t beat around the fucking bush anymore. I like her. I like her a lot. I denied my feelings for her because I didn’t want our friendship to be at risk. I only used Haeun to get over her but I can’t. She’s on my mind even though I’m with Haeun.”

It took awhile for him to hear an answer from the other end of the line, only silence and breathing could be heard till Yuta responded with a, “Tell her that once you get into college. Right now, she’s probably studying hard for the high school leaving examinations. It would be best to stay out of her way and focus on your studies.” With that, Yuta hung up.

Winwin was left with his thoughts, unable to sleep till three in the morning because all he could think about was her. Whatever Yuta said the other day now made sense. She’s liked him for so long but she never confessed. He realised how dumb and delusional he was to not see that someone liked him right under his nose but he didn’t know it, brushing it off like it meant nothing because he didn’t want to admit his feelings for her. Fuck his pride and delusional ass.

As the days of the exams are coming closer than ever, Winwin tried his best to stay focus and study to the best of his abilities. Though he still couldn’t get her off his mind. It wasn’t the main thing he thought about but it was always hidden in the folds of his thoughts. It sometimes made him malfunction a little as well.

“Sicheng are you serious?! This is basic shit I thought you know about this!” Yuta scolded as he tapped in pen on the table and pointed to the question that Winwin answered incorrectly. Yuta sighed and covered his eyes with a hand for a moment before turning to Winwin.

“You aren’t working right today. You good, bro?” Yuta asked with concern. Winwin frowned and ran a hand down his face. “Is it that bad?”

Yuta clicked his tongue and places his pen down, leaning against the table.

“You’re one of the smartest students. Your brain works like a computer, like clockwork. Yet you just can’t seem to think straight because you’re thinking of her, right?”

It took awhile for Winwin to answer before he nodded slowly and gulping. “I can’t do anytning about it now. I don’t want to disrupt her studies. It’s fucking killing me...” Winwin laid his head on the table and covered himself with his arms, earning a big smack in the back by Yuta that made him jolted back up.

“Let’s forget it for awhile. Stay focus. We need to get into college, alright? Come on, let’s get something to drink before continuing.”

A year later.

I finally made it through your high school leaving examination and got accepted into the college I signed up for. Surpringly, Taeyong made it as well. Despite us having different majors, we did share a common elective for History.

“Today’s class was fun.” I said sarcastically, waving my hands in the air lazily. Taeyong laughed and shoved his hands into his pockets. “Very.” He commented.

Today we decided to stay back and hang out in the music studio where the music majors use to record their singing etc. Taeyong promised me to play me one of the new songs he wrote.

The studio was located on the first floor of the campus and it was near the entrance as well. Basically the window of the studio showed fhe streets and people could walk by and see whoever’s inside. Well, only if they bent because the window is half the size of a regular one due to the studio being a little lower than ground floor.

We chilled in there for awhile. With me laying on Taeyong’s lap while the two of us were on our phones. I got bored of reading the news on twitter so I turned off my put and looked out at Taeyong. “Play your song now!” I whined. He immediately placed his phone away and looked down on me.

“Okay, okay chill!” Taeyong shouted out, leaning in to kiss my forehead. I got off his lap and allowed him to set up to play his new song.

He got inside the recording booth and told me to sit down and wear the headphones. I followed his instructions, though I was confused when he told me to press a button that would play the song but I got around that.

“Can you hear me?” Taeyong asked, placing his mouth near the microphone in front of him. I nodded and gave him a thumbs up, proceeding to press the button that would start the song.

The first few beats of the song already got my hyped up as I began to nod my head to the music while looking at Taeyong while a bright smile. He smiled back before starting to rap. I was intrigued instantly and started vibing to his voice.

As the continued on with the song, I couldn’t help myself but stand up to dance. He saw me dancing and looked to me while he sang into the microphone, starting to move to the beat as well.

I laughed happily as I started to make weird movements which triggered Taeyong to fall off his rhythm a little and laugh, picking up right where he left off soon after.

Absentmindedly, I glanced sideways to the window and saw a pair of legs facing towards the window. Like I said, since the studio was a little lower than ground floor, the window only showed a small portion of the streets.

To see a pair of legs there was weird. Whoever it was, they stayed there for quite some time since I didn’t see them leave until Taeyong finished the song.

Taeyong took off the headphones he had on and got out of the recording booth. “So how was that?”

I immediately ran up to him and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him close and placing a warm peck on his lips. “Perfect as usual, Mister Lee Taeyong.” I ran a hand through his hair and giggled with glee.

Winwin’s POV.

I stood there as I heard her laugh. The unique signature laugh that I once used to hear everyday. The one that never failed to brighten my day no matter the situation. The familiarity of it brought me home, but at the same time it brought a different feeling. A hurtful one that made my heart ache. To know that the one that made her laugh wasn’t me.

I couldn’t stop regretting not telling her how I feel. I planned to tell her after the exams, but life moved too quickly for the two of us and we eventually went our separate ways. A year now has passed as I still held my feelings for her close to my heart. I understood how she felt now. Not being able to tell her how I feel for a whole year. How did she survive liking me with an additional two years.

I know I can’t have her back. She was able to let go of me and be together with someone that made her happy instead of the burden I made her go through. But at the very least, I hope to make her happy one last time before I disappear from her sight forever.

One night, I received a text from Winwin. Of course I still had his number because I didn’t see a reason to delete it. We naturally went our separate ways due to college and all. The text said to meet him at the big tree beside our high school. I found it odd. Considering how it was ten in the night. I figured maybe he needed someone to talk to in person.

“Sicheng!” I called out to him, waving my hand up in the air slightly. Winwin waved back as I took a seat next to him. “What’d you call me out here for? It’s pretty late as well.” I glanced at the time on my phone before looking to Winwin.

“I asked you to come because I have something to tell you.” Winwin said, looking down and fidgeting with his thumbs. I grew nervous as I didn’t know what to expect.

“Um... What is it?” I asked hesitantly, tilting my head slightly to look at his face that he hid by looking down.

After a moment of silence, he finally cleared his throat as looked up, staring deep into my eyes.

“I liked you.” He whispered.

Did I hear that correctly? I couldn’t have, right?

“I really did. I liked you.” Winwin repeated himself when he realised he didn’t get a reponse.

I gulped as I could only stare back in disbelief. The words I wanted to hear for years. Why did I feel different from the way I expected to react from it.

I sighed, licking my bottom lip. “It’s been so long, Sicheng. Saying it now... I don’t feel anything from it anymore.” I replied reluctantly.

“I know. I just felt the need to tell you. You’re happy with Taeyong. I understand that.”

Another moment of silence (longer silence this time) filled the air. The two of us looked up into the sky, getting lost in its darkness.

“Just wanted you to know that I did like you back in high school. I was just dumb to realise it myself.” Winwin added on with a soft laugh. The hurtful kind of laugh.

I punched him lightly in the arm, making him look at me with a surprised face. “You really were.” I whispered.

“I actually got a dance gig at America.”

I widened my eyes as my mouth gaped open slightly. “Really?!” I gasped. He nodded.

“It also meant that I’m moving to America in a few days.” Winwin glanced sideway before sighing.

I placed a hand on his back, rubbing it up and down slowly. “You’ll do great there. I’ll keep in contact.”

“I’m happy I get to tell you about my feelings and talk to you before I go.”

I reached my arms out and pulled him into a hug. I suddenly hear him sobbing into my shirt, damping it a little as his sobs were muffled. I brought my hand up to his hair, caressing it gently.

“I’m happy I got to love you for once in my life. Despite it being tiring, it did make me who I am today.”

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stephaniejuhnay · 3 years

Text

I’ve been walking through a terribly difficult season these last 5mo and it has….rocked me in a way I was not quite prepared for. I’ve entered into a very unknown place for me in my faith. Those who have followed me for awhile know a bit abt my faith background and how, despite what my shenanigans might lead you to believe, big a part of my life it is. Not just in a “deeds” way, but really in a holistic way of moving and navigating thru life and with people. So to experience something that didn’t stop me believing in God or even being angry at him, but to shake my faith to a point of not finding COMFORT in His presence is tough for me. I’ve dealt with my share of pain, but I always felt a reassurance in my relationship with God even in times of doubt or it being tested. But never have I felt a loss in it the way I do currently. It’s a valley I wasn’t expecting and it is tough yall. So I come here to escape and distract a bit.

Those that have been following me for a while also know that I have a mentor of 10+ years now. He’s the big brother I never had but also just a damn good friend. He and his wife have had such a tremendously wonderful impact on my life and I just…I get weepy just thinking abt it. My mentor is also on the road to becoming a therapist and is also has an amazing mind for theology. Our talks are just….constantly phenomenal.

Anyway. He is one of few who knows just how much I’ve been struggling and we’ve been having another one of our talks abt faith and walking through valleys, etc. and he said this:

To have someone hold space like this for you is…a blessing. And it’s my sincere prayer every day that folks have this in some capacity in their lives. Whether it’s a mentor or a mental health professional or a friend or loved one. Just…that folks have some kind of community holding space for them. Grief would have us believe that isolation is the way to cope, and while boundaries are a must, and even some temporary isolation might be needed, it’s not the place we should reside in. It reminds me of the line in Lasso (also another reason why I connect with this show so much…it speaks to some things abt love and forgiveness and how you show up in life/show up in the lives of others that REALLY resonate with me on a deep deep personal and spiritual level and also suds is hot) when Ted talks abt being alone and being sad. I have not related to that quote more in my life than I do now. And while I’m still grieving and trying to make sense of what happened and where I am, probably the only comfort I have is the knowledge that I’m not alone. And I guess I just want others to know and feel the same. 💜

#personal #I just had a lot of emotion I need to let out and this helped #I’ll get back to thirst and memes right away 😂💜

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deaddovecoterie · 3 years

Text

butterflies

marinette dupain cheng x adrien agreste || ladybug x chat noir

fandom: miraculous ladybug

rating: T (maybe R to be safe for next chp? ahaha jk jk,,, unless?,,,)

word count: 1.8k

genre: angst. just pure angst. maybe fluff if you squint real hard

warning(s): swearing, vaguely unedited, blood mention

a/n: heyyyy :DD im back on my writing bullshit with my favourite personnnn (guess who) @whoseblogsthis cause me and this talented mf co-wrote this :’) ky i just wanna know what it feels like to carry every ff we write together on your back because of my linguistic incompetence. anyway this is my first mlb fic so i hope yall like it i guess !!

——————————————————————————

“...Bystanders have not been hurt, although Paris’ superheroes have not made an appearance yet…”

There was unrest among the students of Francoise Dupont High School as Adrien listened to his friends talk quietly amongst one another. Thunder rumbled in the distance as heavy, chilling rain poured down from the skies. There was a gloomy eeriness that clung to the air, a quiet that made the high schoolers feel like they were just waiting for something to shatter the silence. Grey clouds were collecting, casting the city in shadow-like darkness.

Another Akuma attack had been reported yet again. The Parisian superheroes were more than glad to help out, but it was obvious they were tiring: their moves became sloppier, their conversations shorter, and their patience thinner.

Adrien listened to the chatter exchanged between Alya and Nino, while Marinette remained quiet. She looked tired, which really wasn’t that uncommon, but her fatigue seemed to spill into all of her activities. She had less “pep in her step,” as Alya had said, and her eyes weren’t nearly as bright as they used to be. Not that he meant to pay attention to such things, of course, but it was hard to not notice. Even Chloe, who couldn’t give a rat’s ass about anyone but herself, had laid off on the harassment. Adrien chalked up his attentiveness to Marinette as nothing more than being a good, concerned friend, but as of late that excuse was becoming harder to sell, even to himself.

It started about four months ago when they came back from summer break. Everyone had gone back to school and while Adrien was physically there, he was mentally absent. Kagami had just gone abroad for school again after they’d broken things off. He would have liked to say it was a mutual breakup, but she was the one who brought it up. Kagami was wise beyond her years so when she told him that his heart wasn’t in the relationship, he knew she was right. He expected his first heartbreak to be gut-wrenching, but it wasn’t. He felt sad, sure, but not in the way that leaves you paralyzed in bed for weeks on end. At the time, he wondered why that was, but the answer was obvious: Marinette.

When he got to school, it was almost as if she could see the gloomy cloud over his head. She was there for him when no one else seemed to notice, her stuttering and fumbling hardly present in their conversation. In the beginning, he felt almost guilty for confiding in her. It would’ve been ignorant of him to believe she didn’t have problems of her own (who didn’t?), but it was a fact known by many that Marinette Dupain-Chang was one to do whatever she could to help the people she cared for.

It was then that he noticed it: the butterflies. It was like a tsunami of anxiety, excitement, and shyness all rolled into one whenever she did anything: the way her hair moved in the breeze, her clear laugh that dared him to smile, but most of all, her kindness. Marinette was one of those people that you couldn’t hate. She was that person who helped others even when no one was looking. He didn’t want to, but he couldn’t help himself when he started falling for her every move.

She didn’t know, probably never would, but she had him whipped.

The blonde was snapped back into reality when his best friend nudged him: “You coming?” Nino’s brow arched in question.

He looked across the street, where his bodyguard was waiting for him, standing by the driver’s side door of the sleek black Audi. Though it’s been the same car since Adrien was like thirteen, it still looked brand new.

“I forgot my homework,” he said to Nino, calling out to his bodyguard to repeat the same thing. With a barely discernible nod of approval from the bodyguard, Adrien turned back toward the school doors.

Adrien grumbled as he jogged away from his friend group: “Well, Nadia, Paris’ superheroes happen to have vaguely normal lives too if you weren’t aware.”

Plagg floated up from Adrien’s pant pocket and did circles around his owner’s head. “You put too much faith in humans, they don’t think about that kinda stuff. To them, you and Ladybug are untouchable.”

“Yeah, well we’re not,” he mumbled frustratedly. He pressed his palms into his eyes tiredly and took a deep breath before dropping his arms back down to his sides.

“Plagg claws out,” he muttered.

Plagg liked to think he knew his miraculous holder quite well. Despite the kwami’s demeanour and seeming distaste toward anything non-cheese related, he did have feelings. Yes, he loved cheese, but he also loved Adrien. He had spent the last two years with Adrien, and he knew something was terribly wrong with his owner.

He’d ask later. The cat-like kwami entered the ring miraculous, and with that, Adrien Agreste was gone, replaced by Chat Noir.

The leather-clad hero headed toward the disaster zone, the rain not doing anything to help his vision. He landed on a rooftop near the Akuma attack and swiftly surveyed the scene. Upon not seeing Ladybug anywhere, Chat Noir sent a quick message to Ladybug, highlighting the damage, before swooping in to hold off the Akuma.

xXx

To put it simply, Marinette was struggling. It had been the fifth Akuma attack that week and after two years of being Ladybug, her excuses were becoming weaker and weaker as time went on. Adrien’s abrupt exit was odd, but she didn’t have time to think about it as she felt the ground shake slightly. It didn’t matter how exhausted she was, she couldn’t put off her duties any longer.

“I uhm, I forgot I had a question for Miss Bustier. I’m going to go see if she’s still around and I’ll uh just stay here until Ladybug and Chat Noir get everything taken care of!” she flashed her friends a thumbs up and with that, she ran back inside the school, toward the locker room. She opened her tiny purse in order for Tikki to emerge. “This is bullshit,” she muttered to herself.

Tikki gasped in shock. “Marinette!”

“Sorry,” she mumbled half-heartedly, “You wouldn’t happen to care if I maybe just happened to not show up and let Chat handle it?”

The glare that the small kwami sent her way told her otherwise. “Something about this one tells me that you’ll need all the help you can get,” she told her owner.

Her stomach twisted with anxiety, both confusion and shock washing over her face. Tikki had never talked about the dangers of an Akuma before, which alarmed Marinette. Shit.

“Tikki, spots on.”

Ladybug swung with all her might as her trusty yoyo grabbed onto buildings and chimneys, the sounds of destruction nearing. A black blur, undoubtedly Chat, streaked the cloudy, grey sky as an akumatized villain screeched out. Her eyes skimmed over the cobblestone streets in front of her, but nothing could prepare her for the screams of terror and bloodied civilians that scattered the scene below.

Her feet had only touched down on the ground for a second when she heard him.

“Nice of you to drop in,” Chat purred, startling her. “You’re late,” he added, his voice icier than expected.

“Cry about it,” Ladybug responded coldly.

“Meowch m’lady,” he said in mock hurt.

“Sorry,” she muttered to her partner as she took him in. His blonde silky hair was plastered to his head from the pouring rain, the droplets permeating the black leather. If the suit wasn’t skin-tight before, it certainly was now. She had to tear her eyes away from the sight of him, her sensibility screaming at her to focus while her eyes wanted nothing more than to drink in every inch of him.

Literally what the fuck, she said to herself. Now was no time to pine for her partner.

The Akuma that stood before her was physically underwhelming in stature, but her clothing made up for it. The girl in front of them held herself at around 5’3 and couldn’t be more than 18, but her wicked smirk sent a chill through her spine. The girl was clad in an array of green from forest, sage, to mossy shades, the dress that adorned her body looking like that straight from greek mythology. It was made up of grand silks, almost entrancing Ladybug and Chat with the way that the fabric moved like rippling water. It was ethereal, really, but the closer she looked at it the deadlier it became.

From around the waist and shoulders, long strips of silk floated behind her like the snakes on the head of Medusa. They almost seemed to bend to her will, the fabric defying gravity. Not only were pieces of the dress floating, but so was her long dark hair. In her hand was a staff made from tree trunk like material. Resting atop her head was an obsidian black crown with spikes the length of Ladybug’s hand.

After looking around at the already distraught state of the street, their evaluation was over: she was not going to be another walk in the park.

“Shit,” Chat breathed out. It was at that moment that the villain opened her mouth to address both the heroes and bystanders.

“Citizens of Paris, I am Gi Mágissa. I am not here to compromise with your heroes. Others in the past have failed to retrieve what Hawk Moth desires, but I will not: today will be the day that you remember as the fall of Ladybug and Chat Noir.” Her voice resonated as if it was echoing off the walls. She shifted her gaze to the left, her eyes locking with the two of them.

“Give me your miraculous and I may decide to spare you and your city,” she said in a dangerously low voice. Her voice was smooth, yet it cut right through the two partners like a freezing wind in the dead of winter. Under any other circumstances, her words would be humorous, cheesy even, but this was not like anything else they faced.

Chat laughed as his trademarked smirk appeared. “Funny, because I don’t remember agreeing to that,” he said in mock thoughtfulness, almost like he was trying to recall a memory.

“Chat,” Ladybug hissed, “I’m starting to get the feeling that you won’t be able to joke your way out of this one,”

“C’mon m’lady, live a little.”

“Yeah, well I might not be alive to do so if you keep being an idiot.” Ladybug could feel the frustration rising in her as Chat continued to appear so casual and relaxed. How could he not sense that this was so much worse than before?

Chat turned to her and she could finally see his eyes. Despite his outward appearance, she saw the nervousness in his gaze. There was almost a buzz in the air, a metallic smell that made them wrinkle their noses: blood, iron maybe.

“Fine. Let’s get this over with.”

#haley writes #fanfiction #mlb #miraculous ladybug #miraculous fandom #adrein agreste #marinette dupain cheng #ladynoir #adrienette #adrien x marinette #ladybug x chat noir #chat noir #cat noir #mlb fanfic #mlb fanfiction #angst #fluff #fanfic #ky tag

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queercapwriting · 5 years

Text

Coming Out To Lena

prompt from SuperCorp_fan over on Ao3: “Hey Cap! I thought of something that I haven't seen in a fic before (well maybe but I don't recall) and maybe you can be inspired to write about it? We've seen Kara coming out to Lena about her being Supergirl before but I don't recall seeing a story about Supergirl coming out to Lena about her being Kara. There's something about Supergirl saying "I'm Kara." that carries a different meaning and weight than Kara saying "I'm Supergirl." Because Kara isn't Supergirl, that would be a lie, Kara is Kara. I think that might resonate with Lena in a personal and profound way. Kara is the truth, Supergirl is the lie. Kara kept the lie from Lena because the truth, Kara, is what really matters and what Lena already knows. So, in so doing, Supergirl admits to Lena a truth rather than Kara admitting a lie. Don't get me wrong Kara would still be in the doghouse but it would be a much more comfortable doghouse than the other way followed by copious amounts of SuperCorp and smut of course!”

This is a wonderful and thoughtful prompt from a wonderful and thoughtful human. And, points to anyone who can find another fic like the one described – boosting is always good!!

Hearing Lena say her name always ran right through Kara’s heart.

“Ms. Danvers.”

When Lena believed she could be a reporter.

“Kara.”

Their worst moments – “Because I did it, Kara” – and their best – their brunches and their donuts and their Big Belly Burger moments of profound care that Lena told Kara she’d never known before her, before them.

“Supergirl.”

Saving her. Saving each other.

It kept Kara up at night.

Imagining all the ways Lena Luthor could say her name.

So, so many ways.

But it also kept her up at night, the way that Lena didn’t know that when she said “Supergirl,” she meant “Kara.”

And when she said “Kara,” she meant “Supergirl.”

“She’s gonna figure it out, if she hasn’t already,” Maggie had told her, gentle and quiet, one night over scotch and more potstickers than could fit into any human digestive system.

“I know,” Kara had moaned into Alex’s shoulder. “I know, I just don’t want her to hate me for lying.”

It was Alex who realized. Alex who knew – because it was Kara, and Alex always knew, with her little sister.

“Thing is,” she’d said, kissing Kara’s forehead, “you’re not Supergirl. I mean, you are Supergirl, obviously you’re Supergirl. But Barry’s Barry first, right? Before he’s the Flash. And you’re Kara, first. Always. Before you’re Supergirl and while you’re Supergirl.”

“Your sister’s right,” Maggie nodded solemnly before a smirk broke out on her face. “I mean, you drop you voice like the bi-est woman ever to bisexual when you put on your family’s crest, but –”

The pillows Kara chucked at Maggie turned her comment into giggles and tickle fights, but her point hung in the air between them: but she was always, at the heart of everything else, Kara Danvers.

And it hung in the air around Kara, still, even as she sped through the air of National City the next day at a speed that would rival Barry Allen and freak the crap out of John Diggle.

She prayed that when she got to the scene, Lena wouldn’t be there, in the thick of it.

But Lena Luthor was always in the thick of it.

It was why she loved her.

Loved her like… like a friend. Like friends love each other.

With maybe a side of a little bit of a massive crush that felt an awful lot like being in love, but really, what did words matter, anyway?

A lot, she knew. Words mattered a lot.

So when she saved Lena – who had just saved a cadre of DEO agents, because of course she had – from the clutches of yet another burning helicopter, she couldn’t help it.

“Ms. Luthor,” she nodded, almost bowed, with a reverence and respect bordering on a medieval knight. Maggie and Alex would crack up, she knew. She almost looked around instinctively for them. But this was a moment, in the settling dust and the nearly spilled but unshed blood, just for Lena and… and for Kara.

“Thank you again, Supergirl.” Lena’s eyes glistened, but Kara’s whole body ached from the effort of putting Lena down, of Lena slipping out of her arms and onto solid ground. Away from her.

She shook her head.

She never wanted Lena to be away from her.

But if she wanted that, this was something she needed to say.

It was one of the scariest things she’d ever needed to say.

And Kara Zor-el Danvers had had to say some pretty terrifying things. Make some pretty horrific choices.

But this was a choice she was happy to make. Lena deserved it.

She only hoped she still deserved Lena, when the words left her tongue.

“Lena,” she said, and watched her friend’s eyes widen at the familiarity of Kara’s address.

She took another steadying breath.

She was Supergirl for crying out loud. She’d just saved Lena and who knew how many other people without breaking a sweat, barely even trying, and…

But no. This wasn’t something that called for Supergirl’s hard-headedness. This was something that called for Kara’s bravery.

She was Kara Danvers for crying out loud. She could do this.

“Lena,” she said again, because the name was more comforting on her lips than she’d ever care to admit. Well, maybe one day… “Lena, I’m… I’m Kara.”

Superhearing be damned, every other sound faded to white noise. X-ray vision be damned, every other image faded to black.

Everything vanished except the woman standing, disheveled and breathless, in front of her.

Lena didn’t blink.

She didn’t move away.

She didn’t say anything at all.

She just stared. She stared and she waited.

“Say something,” Kara pleaded, barely a whisper, and she didn’t care how it looked that Supergirl was begging Lena Luthor for something in the midst of all this destruction, all this fading chaos.

“Why,” was all Lena said. A statement more than a question.

Because part of Kara knew that Lena wasn’t surprised, not entirely. A pair of glasses and a deeper voice couldn’t mask… what Lena felt like in Kara’s arms, so maybe it couldn’t mask what it felt like for Lena, to be in Kara’s arms…

Because I love you, were the words that died on Kara’s lips.

Because I love you and I’m terrified that if you saw all of me, you wouldn’t want me anymore.

Please say you want me.

Please say you love me.

“Because I wanted to keep you safe,” was what she wound up saying, Kara dressed up in Supergirl’s voice, or Supergirl dressed up in Kara’s voice, or an impossible mix of both.

Loving her, keeping her safe.

It wasn’t a lie. Those things, too, were impossibly mixed, wrapped up in each other.

Lena scoffed.

And if the roles were reversed, Kara probably would have, too.

“I know,” Kara pleaded. “I know, and I’m telling you now because I’m not…” She looked around them and she tossed up her hands in a helpless laugh. “I’m not this,” she gestured at herself, at her blue and red, at her cape.

Lena stared, waiting.

Kara stumbled on. “I mean,” she went to adjust her glasses before realizing she wasn’t wearing them, “I mean I am this. But I’m… I’m me, Lena. I’m Kara. And I wanted you to know, because it – because I –”

“Because you wanted to keep me safe,” Lena echoed, and for the first time in a long time, Kara couldn’t read her voice, her face, her body.

“Yes,” Kara whispered before shaking her head. “Yes, and… and I was a coward. I wanted you to like me for me, not for Supergirl. I wanted you to see me for me, not for…” She gestured down at her body again. “For this.”

“Kara Danvers,” Lena murmured, shaking her head. She took a step forward instead of the many steps back that Kara had expected. Hope blossomed in Kara’s chest before she reminded herself that hope was a fickle murderer.

But Lena took her hands, then, and maybe hope was actually her salvation.

“What did I tell you? Supergirl isn’t my hero. You are. You always have been. You always will be.”

Tears threatened to spill down Kara’s cheeks, and she found that she didn’t care.

“Yeah?” she asked.

“Yes,” Lena nodded. She was looking at Kara like she’d never seen her before; she was looking at Kara like she was looking in the mirror, and finally saw someone she liked. Or maybe even loved.

Kara dared to hope.

Lena looked around them and chuckled.

“Now fly me away from here, Kara Danvers, before the press start to wonder why a Super and a Luthor are holding hands and crying while gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes.”

Lovingly.

Lovingly. Maybe hope was what would save them after all, Kara thought as she took Lena into her arms and flew them both off into the night.

***

I mean I can continue this with smut if yall want tbh.

#supercorp #supercorp minific #supercorp fic #supercorp coming out #supercorp feels

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shewrites02 · 5 years

Text

Southern Hospitality | Erik Killmonger X Black Reader | Chpt. 2

Summary: College AU where Erik seems to make the reader’s college transition a nightmare, while some how making it better as well

Chapter 3 | Chapter 1

Word count: 2.8k

A/N: So I’m in love with this series, but please don’t expect updates this frequent. lol I have to warn yall that due to my school schedule I can be wilding inconsistent. But please enjoy and tell me what you think

It had been 4 weeks since your incident on the side of the road, and despite numerous run ins with Erik, the two of you haven't spoken since that night. You attempted to speak, or even just offer up a kind smile when you saw him on campus but Erik acted as if you were completely invisible. And if he did acknowledge you, it was simply with a slight eyebrow raise as if to say "why are you speaking to me". This just confirmed that Erik was in fact the asshole you thought he was the day yall meet in the cafe.

But since that night you've had time to recuperate and refocus. 4.0 season was back in full effect, and you were ready to have a hot girl semester. Especially with midterms approaching, the social politics of your life couldn't be your main concern. The organic chemistry you had sprawled out on the living room coffee table, took top priority.

"Fuck this!" you mumbled shoving the large green useless organic chem textbook onto the floor. That boost of confidence you just had, quickly dissipated and left you sitting confused on the floor.

"Hey babe, whatchu in here groaning about?" Mackenzie, one of your three suitemates, asked chipperly walking to plop down on the couch.

You held up the pile of homework, groaning even louder. Kenzie ignored it, and grabbed the remote from the side of you and flipped the t.v on to her favorite show, The Hills. A reality t.v show following the most privileged and prestigious white people in L.A. You assumed Kenzie liked watching this crap so much because it reminded her of home. Los Angeles, where she was a trendsetter spending her time in exclusive clubs, and spending $20 on a salad. Although popular, at MIT Mackenzie was no more than a pretty face that everyone was sure only got in due to her parents very generous donations to the university. As was the case with your other suitemates as well.

"No kenz, I'm doing homework take this crap somewhere else."

"Forget your homework! You're literally weeks ahead... you've earned a break."

You rolled your eyes then began to gather your school work. Taking a break wasn't a privilege you had. Either you work your ass off, or you went back home to Ft. Worth no in between.

"oh my gosh y/n, you should come out with us! Please, you haven't been out once this semester, reward all your hard work!" She begged.

Your immediate reaction was to decline. You weren't much of a partier to begin with, and you were a little uneasy about going out with your suitemates. The same girls who couldn't even wait for you in the cafe. But you struggled to make friends while being down here, your suitemates were the only people on campus you knew... besides Erik. You thought this could be an opportunity to see them as more than those rich white girls from the west coast, so against your better judgment you accepted the invitation.

"YAY, Y/N IS COMING!" Kenzie yelled down the hall to the other suitemates, who let out small shrieks and squeals from the other side of their doors.

Hours passed and it was time for you to start getting ready. You wanted to feel excited about tonight, but all that lingered was an anxious feeling in your chest. You had spent the past hours thinking of excuses to get yourself out of going, but any you presented to kenzie were quickly shot down, followed by your other suites mates telling you, no matter what you were going.

"Y/N!!" Mason shouted from the kitchen.

"We're taking shots!" Brooklyn announced, putting the shot glass in your hand.

On three, the four of yall took the vodka shots back. Some followed them with a chaser, and scrunched faces. You followed yours with another shot, this time Malibu Rum, something sweet to get the taste out of your mouth.

"You better be getting ready!" Kenzie shouted as she handed you a strawberry margarita. You nodded, retreating back to your room to start your transformation.

You assumed if you were going to go out, the least you could do was be the baddest bitch out. You did a balck and grey smokey eye topped with the most extravagant lashes you could find. Then topped your lips with your fenty lip gloss. You wore a black strapless sequined dress with a pair of pumps. Even if the night didn't live up to you expectations, this outfit certainly would.

"UBER'S HERE! HURRY BITCHES, LET'S TAKE ONE MORE SHOT!"

After downing your margarita, you went into the kitchen to take another shot of vodka.

"Now, where ready!" Kenzie announced.

The club your suitemates decided to drag you to, had a special MIT college night. Which meant reduced admission, and free drinks for all MIT students. As expected, what seemed like the entire university was there tonight. Usually the large crowd would have you feeling very self conscious and anxious. But you were starting to feel those shots from earlier and couldn't think of anything but dancing... and getting another drink.

"Coke and Henny for you." Brooklyn shouted over the music, handing you the drink.

You swayed your hips to the Drake song the dj played, and observed the various white girls attempts at twerking. If you weren't drunk you'd probably be judging them right now, but the liquor made you much more forgiving. It also made you have to pee.

You attempted to inform your suitemates that you had to go to the bathroom, but they all seemed to be preoccupied with dancing with brad, Chad, and justin to pay attention to you. The last thing you were going to do was wait for them. You were a grown woman fully capable of going pee, alone. So you set out to find your way to the bathroom.

You stumbled through the crowd, the bright lights blurring your vision. It was as if your brain wasn't able to focus on one thing, but instead tried to focus on everything. But despite your clear impairment you made it to the bathroom.

"You are so pretty, oh my gosh I love your hair, It's like snakes!" This white girl slurred as she ran her fingers through your box braids. You snatched your hair out her hands.

"Let's not do that!"

You proceeded to pee, then started your journey back to find your friends. Incapable of walking in a straight line you frantically bump and tripped over everyone you encountered. You made sure to say sorry to each person before bumping into the next. You were seconds from falling straight on your ass when two hands reached out and grabbed your waist.

"Where the fuck are your friends?" He growled.

You looked up to see Erik pulling you up toward him. He had one arm around your waist, supporting all the weight you just pushed on him. For a brief moment a smile spread on your face, happy to see a familiar face then you quickly remembered the bullshit he had been pulling these last weeks.

"Y/n, Where are you friends?"

"Fuck you! Get off me! You can't speak to me one campus, but now you wanna be here, that's hoe shit!" You protested, shoving Erik to no result. He still held you tight, and unless he allowed it, you weren't going anywhere.

"Where. Are. Your. Friends?!" He shouted once more. Speaking slowly as if to give the words time to really sink into your thick skull.

You took a moment to look around. This had been where your suitemates were when you left to go to the bathroom, but suddenly they were nowhere to be found. You spotted one of the boys that they were dancing with before you left to bathroom, and flagged him down.

"Where are my roommates?"

"They left about 10 minutes ago, something about hitting a different club."

You turned back to Erik who was very clearly aggravated. Despite being drunk you were still able to notice the vein that slightly popped on his forehead from his jaws clenching. Your heart dropped, you should have known better than to put an ounce of trust into those hoes.

"Ion got friends, fuck them bitches! ... I'm going home."

You started your walk to the entrance, and after a couple steps tripped over your own feet and fell straight on your ass in front of the bar. Once again, Erik was there to pick you up off the floor.

"Get the fuck up! ... I'm taking you home."

"I don't need help!" You objected all while gripping Erik's hand as he guided you out the club. You stumbled some, begging Erik to slow down. He swore that he was walking as slow as he could, and that your 'drunk as was trippin'. But you swore it felt as if he was making you damn near sprint down this street.

"Stop! Stop! I- I just need a break." You begged.

You released his hand and plopped down on the curb. Erik let out a frustrated sigh. He had half a mind to leave your dumbass here, but what you said earlier about there not being a lot of black people on campus really resonated with him. He felt as if he had an obligation to watch out for you, especially knowing if he didn't none of these whites would.

"Y/n... Let's go." Erik implored.

But you paid it no mind. The same feeling you had when you'd come home from the swimming pool and laid in your bed, like you could still feel the water swaying your body, that was the exact feeling you had right now. When you closed your eyes, the world melted. The loud music from the club, the fact your so called friends left you, Erik's nagging. None of it mattered.

"You got a hot 10 seconds." Erik announced breaking your calm. You stuck out your bottom lip pouting some, all you wanted was to sit here on this curb. Why was that so absurd. You slowly stood up, your head spinning as you did. Erik let you grab his hand and lean against him while the two of you walked to his car.

"Your friends aren't gonna be mad you left to campus without them? I would be mad if my friends left to campus without me. Oh wait, they did."

Erik chuckled some. Although he knew your calm demeanor about the situation was a result of the alcohol, he still appreciated the way you were handling the situation.

"Nah them niggas be ight, they asses don't even go to MIT."

He had parked in the grass, in the overflow parking. With each step you took your heels sunk deeper and deeper into the grass, making it more difficult to walk. As if that was what you need, a harder time walking. At some point the grass turned into a rocky patch of gravel, and your heel landed on a rock causing your ankle to turn and twist and you almost dropped to the floor.

"Ight, I'm getting sick of this shit y/n." Erik warned.

"That wasn't me, the rock! The rock!"

Erik helped you into the car then jogged to get in the driver's seat. Once he asked where you stayed, and as hard as you thought your brain couldn't come up with an address, just a vague depiction of what you think your student housing building looked like.

"The blue building"

"Blue bui- do you know home many fucking blue building are on campus?!" He scolded.

Immediately tears swelled in you eyes. You couldn't remember where you stayed, your suitemates left you, and now Erik was yelling at you. This wasn't what your first semester was supposed to be like. This wasn't what you came all the way to Michigan for.

"My roommates left, and now you're mad at me. I don't know what I did to make you hate me so much, I- I just wanted a black friend cause all these white people be pissing me off ... I wanna go home. I wanna go back to Ft. Worth. I'm calling my mom to tell her I'm coming home." You sobbed.

You fumbled through your small black clutch for you phone, but due to the alcohol, and the tears everything meshed into one big blur.

"No, your not calling your mom and your not going back to Ft. Worth."

Erik took your whole purse and sat it on the floor, beside his feet. Tears still streamed your face, and you continued to rant on about how mad Erik was at you and how much he hated you.

"You won't even speak to me on campus!"

"I don't hate you, and I'm not mad at you. Okay? I'm just trying to get you home safe. Okay. I- ... I'm sorry I made you feel that way."

The apology felt bitter coming off his tongue. If he thought you'd remember this conversation the slightest bit in the morning he wouldn't have said it. But at this point he just wanted you to stop fucking crying.

After asking a thousand questions to figure out exactly which blue building you stayed at, Erik was no closer to getting you home than before. His blood began to boil, the more frustrated he got, and he made an executive decision. If he couldn't take you back to your dorm, and he couldn't leave your ass on the side of the road, then he was just going to take you back to his apartment.

"Where are we going?!" You whined.

"My apartment, since you don't know where the fuck you live."

Erik pulled off, and started to drive. The two of you fell into silence, not like when yall first met at the cafe, this was mutual.. comfortable. Within a few minutes yall had arrived at an apartment complex that was walking distance from campus. Erik walked over to the passenger side and helped you out of the car. He held your hand as you wobbled to his apartment.

"Oh shit E, you didn't tell us you had company." One of his roommates teased as the two of you walked in the door.

"Aren't you going to introduce us?" His other roommate jokes.

"Shut the fuck up, for real." Erik warned.

The two frat like white boys smiles quickly dropped, and they darted their eyes to the floor not even daring to look up at the two of you.

"C'mon." Erik mumbled guiding you to the back of the apartment, where his bedroom was.

He shuffled through his drawers, then pulled out a t-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts. He tossed them at you, basically smacking you in the face. He told you that you could change since you probably didn't wanna sleep in your dress. You agreed.

Usually you were too bashful to change around peope, let alone a nigga. But the term liquid courage, was an accurate one. You shed your dress right there on his bed and changed into his t-shirt. Erik watched, surprised you'd strip with him in the room, but he didn't say anything.

"Imma sleep on the couch." He announced, after changing into a pair of polo sleep pants and keeping on his solid black t shirt.

"Noo, stay with me... I don't wanna go to sleep yet. Please."

Erik sighed then reluctantly sat alongside you on the bed. Again, silence filled the space around you two.

"You really should take your ass to sleep!" Erik said finally breaking the silence.

You didn't say anything. For the first time since you'd seen Erik in the cafe, you really took him in. His big arms, his low husky voice, and the gold caps in his mouth made your knees weak. You spent so much time focused on how big of an asshole this man was, you didn't realize how absolutely jaw dropping he really is.

Without much of a thought you crashed your lips into his, and to your surprise he kissed you back. Erik's hand traveled up your body until it landed at the nape of your neck. He drew you in close to him as he intensified the kiss slipping his tongue into your mouth.

Your body felt hot all over. You couldn't deny how bad you wanted him, and you wanted him now. While he kissed you, you tugged at the hem of his polo sleep pants, and at this point Erik broke away from you. He wiped the edge of his mouth averting his eyes from your gaze, then standing up.

"Go to sleep." He mumbled before flipping off the light and walking out.

Taglist: @chaneajoyyy @missshae @thehomierobbstark @killmongersbaby @elaindeereads @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @tip222u @irisindigonightmare

#Erik Killmonger #erik × reader #erik stevens #black panther #fanfic #michael b jordan #black reader #southern hospitality

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getuponthehydrasback · 5 years

Text

Fragmentary Memories: Fanfic Preview

This is still a work in progress but I promised yall a rewrite with all of my head canons and its HAPPENING. Gotta love me my Trans! Sora The fic, pairing is SoRikai, with moments of every combination! PS This fic also includes REAL TECHNIQUES FOR DEALING WITH PTSD and Panic attacks

Tap Tap Tap the distant sound of rock against glass persisted againstthe calm sound of rain outside of the small room. On the bed sat a petite feminine figure of a person, crouched in a corner, their back pressed against the walls of their room, and their gaze fixed upon a tan paper, ink etched into its surface. It had become a nightly routine for the ‘girl’ to jot down her thoughts; it helped with the nightmares. On pages she could map out her deepest fears, that which were inarticulable to even those she held dear. The emotions that still ruminated in her soul, and weren’t yet ready to make themselves known. It was a practice she found to be almost sacred in that aside from being the arms (or sometimes plopped down ontop of or in between) of her two dearest people, eased the ever growing fear that nestled in her heart. Though this practice was sacred, she found herself snapped out of the moment by in incessant tapping.

“What on earth is that sound” she exclaimed as she pushed the curtains aside only to see a water drenched boy standing a story below, looking up solemnly at her. “Sora! What the hell are you doing out in the rain, you’ll freeze to death!” She exclaimed as she quickly opened her window.

“I know…it’s stupid but please …” he didn’t have to finish his sentence, Kairi saw the desperation in Sora’s eyes a look she hadn’t seen since the night that changed all of their lives. Without hesitation Kairi held her hand out to him knowing he could make the jump up into her window without rousing the attention of her sleeping grandmother a few doors down.

Sora backed up and ran towards the side of the house, skillfully using the leverage to jump up and grasp Kairi’s hand. Within a few moments he stood, soaked in the middle of her bedroom. “Thank you” he whispered softly, his voice husk and devoid of its usual playfulness. Kairi could make out the puffiness and faint red tint in his eyes and faint salt streaks along his cheeks almost washed away by the rain. Without saying a word Kairi reached out, clasping her hand in his giving him a gentle affirming squeeze. She didn’t have to know what happened or what was wrong, she only knew that whatever it was, it had shaken him to his core.

“Of course, is there anything you need right now, you’re soaked let me get you something to change into”. Kairi offered as she turned to go to her dresser. The suggestion sent a wave of nausea to the boys stomach and itch under his skin in protest; however all he could externalize was a faint defiant tug at her hand.

Drawing her attention back towards him Kairi tilted her head in confusion. Sora’s expression had quickly changed. There was a quick flash of fear, and storminess in his eyes, sending a wave of concern throughout her. Though she began to become increasingly worried about what could have possibly caused such a reaction out of him, she knew that remaining calm would be the best way help her friend. “No worries” she said softly, giving his hand another gentle squeeze. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

Sora’s grip on her hand seemed to tighten at that statement as he averted his gaze. His body was tense, his breathing beginning to become increasingly shallow, as echos and images flashed in his mind.

We’ve had enough of this. You disappear for god knows how long doing god-knows what and you expect us to be okay with it? You’re delusional. You don’t know what youre walking about all of that stress has gotten to your head!

The voices and images of his parent’s anger continued to resonate over and over. His precious belongings, gone, his clothes gone everything. He couldn’t stop the recent memories, they replayed on repeat until he felt a gentle squeeze on his hand again, tethering him to the reality before him. Bringing him back into his body. His gaze darted around the room, taking in their surroundings.

“You’re safe” Kairi whispered softly as to not startle him.

“Sorry” he managed to choke out, worriedly “Sorry…sorry sorry” his words seemed more like expressions to himself, or an invisible other rather than to his friend as he repeated the words.

“It’s okay, I’m not upset, you’re safe…I will stay here with you as long as you need” she responded quietly. “Is it okay to hug you?” she asked to which Sora’s eyes widened and he frantically shook his head.

“Sorry” he replied again, his breathing growing more erratic.

“It’s okay, do you want to try some grounding exercises?” she asked, knowing that Sora’s condition would most likely escalate if he wasn’t able to ground himself soon.

Sora thought for a moment, or rather attempted to gather his scattered fragments of thoughts before slowly shaking his head.

“Okay, what’s five things you can see?” Kairi asked quietly, as she gently ran her thumb along the back of Sora’s hand in a soothing pattern.

Sora couldn’t formulate words but merely pointed to a few items in the room, each item slowly drawing his focus back from the fear ridden fog it had been in. He looked around, noticing the dimly lit lights, he pointed to the note book perched upon Kairi’s pale pink cotton sheets, the Crayon drawings of their adventures hanging on Kairi’s wall, the way Kairi’s face though relaxed, still showed concern in the faint furrow of her brow, the pale pink color of her nails as they brushed against his hand. Sora could only point at the things as Kairi gently urged him on.

“Good, what’s four things you can hear?” she asked again.

Sora closed his eyes for a moment taking in the sound of the rain pounding against the window, the sound of his own slowly stabilizing breathing, his occasional coughs and sniffles, the buzz of the heater, and the calming sound of Kairi’s steady breath. For each thing he heard he managed to choke out a single word indication.

“That’s excellent” she gave his hand another gentle squeeze “What’s three things you can feel?”

Sora thought for a moment, he could feel the gentle caress of Kairi’s fingers stroking his hand, their consistent motion soothing his racing thoughts. He could feel the fuzziness of carpet beneath his feet, as he’d ran over barefoot, and he could feel the cling of his damp clothes against his skin, and the tight nylon fabric of a binder pressed against his chest.

“I-I think…I’m okay…” he managed to respond, as he gave Kairi’s hand a gentle squeeze.

They stood just like that for a few moments in silence, as Sora gathered his thoughts, his breathing had stabilized and his incoherent memories began to solidify. After a few minutes he finally uttered.

“They threw out everything…they hate me…they’re…they’re going to disown me.” His voice cracked at the statement as tears began to fill his eyes. “Everything! All of my clothes, all of my belongings anything they thought was too boyish my parents through out! They screamed at me!”

Kairi felt a wave of anger course through body at Sora’s distress, at the way his usual happy kind eyes seemed so defeated, and broken. She clutched her free hand in a fist, trying to swallow her anger to be fully present for Sora but she couldn’t.

“Listen to me, they’re wrong. They are so incredibly wrong, whatever they think whatever they say, they’re wrong for treating you like that you hear me Sora?” She placed her hands gently on Sora’s cheeks to direct his gaze to her.

He stared back at her, eyes wide with tears. “You’re one of the strongest, kindest, loveliest boys I know, and if they can’t see that, if they can’t see all the things their sonhas done then theyaren’t worthy of you. You’re the boy who saved the universe for crying out loud. And they’re mad because what? They got your gender wrong? I’ll fight both of them goddamit.” Kairi tried her best to manage her anger.

Kairi’s words broke the floodgate Sora had been suppressing in his whirlwind panic. Relief, fear, sadness, hatred, visceral pain all bubbled their way to the surface as Sora reached towards Kairi, burying his face into the crook of her neck in a half attempt to muffle his sobs. Taking Sora’s lead on physical contact, Kairi wrapped her arms around him, gently placing the flat of her hand on his back, and gently rubbed circles into the damp fabric. They stayed like that for a few moments, Kairi’s arms firm around him as he fell apart.

Kairi had always known Sora’s parents did not approve of who he really was even before their journey across worlds, but she never imagined they’d do something as drastic as disown him. During their time on the islands when they were younger, Sora always passed himself off as a tomboy much to his parent’s disapproval. But spending so many years away from them, meeting new people, new places, had allowed Sora the freedom to be himself. No one questioned, no one knew, except her and Riku. Sora had grown into the young man he was always meant to be, and yet, his parents could not see him for who he really was. The thought angered Kairi, the pain they caused him sent her into a rage, but more important than her rage was her ability to comfort her dear friend. She continued to simply breathe deeply and rub soothing circles into the boys back.

After nearly twenty minutes, Sora had cried himself dry. All that he could make out were faint whimpers and sniffles. He’d tired himself out emotionally, his head throbbed and his eyes were puffy and red, contrasting against the electric blue of his irises. “I’m sorry for causing so much trouble…I should probably head back” he managed to whimper out.

“Heck no” Kairi responded adamantly “you’re staying here tonight, or going over Riku’s but no way are you going back to that hell house. You’re no trouble at all I’m glad you came here, and that you’re safe. I will always be there for you Sora, you know that” she gently cupped his cheek with a soft smile.

Sora glanced up at her, his gaze meeting hers for a moment. Her tender smile sending an ache in his chest, the contrast of her kindness against a growing wound he carried, her warmth contrasted against his own. He hadn’t quite realized how warm she was. In their years a part, the quiet girl, had grown to become a kind warm protector. The tenderness of her touch and the gentleness of her smile enveloped him in a sense of safety. Content with her offer he simply nodded and snaked his arms around her in a grateful squeeze.

“I can even call Riku if you want, and make it a sleep over.” She suggested as she began to shift around looking for her phone. “Though god I don’t know what would stop him from not storming over to your house and fighting your parents on sight if he finds out.” She said with a slight chuckle to lighten the mood as she began to step away to grab her phone. However her actions were stopped by Sora tugging her back closer.

“In…in a moment…” he responded softly, not wanting to lose the warmth surrounding him. He felt far to tender and exposed to break the moment.

Kairi let out a surprised huff, before settling back into him, wrapping her arms around him again. Sora in response nuzzled into her and closed his eyes.

Pt 2

#Kingdom Hearts #Fanfiction #Sokai #Sorikai #trans sora #WIP #FM Fanfic

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tyrus-time · 5 years

Text

my perspective on TJ’s story (as of 3.13)

Over the past few days, I’ve gone back and forth several times about whether to post my response to, yknow, the Gay Angst. OBVIOUSLY I’m heartbroken, as a Tyrus shipper and someone who is deeply invested in their characters as individuals, to see the two of them hurting. But I know this drama is a plot device and that Tyrus, one way or another, will be endgame.

Currently, I am feeling anxious about how much development we will actually get to see for them... but that’s in the future, and I’m trying to focus on the now.

No, there’s some other stuff that made me feel angry and disappointed and honestly, foolish when I first watched the episode.... I wrote out a rant on my phone, and then I added to it later, and now I’m trying to make some sense out of it... now that I’m calmer (but still sad) about it.

This is a pretty long, critical post, so feel free to keep scrollin!

(I reallyjust need to get this out of my system so I can move on.)

I know some people are actually glad that TJ’s storyline is addressing homophobia, but I gotta be honest with yall: I, personally, am not. I’m honestly devastated that this is the route they took, especially since it still seems the gay themes are mostly subtextual.

As of now, there is a LOT of room for interpretation regarding what is going through TJ’s mind and what Kira’s implied threat was actually implying. I don’t interact with children, like, at all... so I really have no idea how much they’d be picking up on.

And I feel kinda uncomfortable with the show using themes of homophobia/the threat of being outed/etc... just to create drama and conflict between characters? Using homophobia as a plot device in this way, without even beginning to deconstruct homophobia, comes off as semi-exploitative to me?? Which is probably because I’m just so tired of Gayngst, which is really my main issue with this storyline...

I am exhausted of the pattern of gay characters struggling with homophobia (internalized or otherwise) and this then causing them to hurt/betray their (gay) love interests.

Being gay and having relationship angst is one thing. But always having angst related to being gay? It is a well-worn trope that I am do not like.

It’s “realistic,” yes, but it’s frequently been done before — hence the TV tropes page on it.

While it is important to portray the affects of homophobia upon LGBT+ and questioning individuals, there must be a balance!

When Gayngst-y representation is the main representation you see, it feels like that’s the ONLY narrative. You are left with the idea that being LGBT+ means you WILL suffer, that you NEED to struggle with your sexuality/gender because that’s how the identity development process is ‘supposed’ to go. And it shouldn’t have to be that way.

(I speak from personal experience)

This is why I’m so passionate about studying LGBT+ media representation. Media informs us of social norms, scripts, expectations; what is acceptable and what is appropriate; how we’re supposed to think and feel and behave. It’s often very subtle, but all of those images and narratives become internalized and affect how you understand yourself, the world around you, and how you fit in to that world.

Media images shouldn’t just reflect society as it is today; it should offer images of a brighter future.

There’s this resonant quote from the musical Hadestown:

“He could make you see how the world could be, in spite of the way that it is.”

And that’s what I so dearly want to see in LGBT+ representation.

It breaks my heart whenever people say things like, “it’s unrealistic for a young gay teen to be comfortable with their identity.” It truly breaks my heart and makes me want to change the narrative.

We should have stories that should how the world CAN be, not just how it often ‘realistically’ is.

I want to see worlds that AREN’T heteronormative, because I’m hopeful for a future in which we truly do dismantle heterosexism.

I want to see queer relationships that go through the “normal” difficulties of dating someone, such as dealing with typical awkwardness and learning to communicate better... instead of dealing with external and internalized homophobia.

Perhaps I’m asking too much, and shouldn’t be this hopeful in 2019, but I will continue to assert the need for joyful, celebratory queer stories that diverge from the trend of queer tragedy.

And I really was hoping that Andi Mack could show this radical possibility that gay people can just be HAPPY sometimes, but.... this is Disney channel.... So I guess I’m not really surprised, but I am still disappointed.

Disappointed not just because I was hoping for an unashamedly gay character, but also because I could see TJ realistically having little conflict over his gayness. (I made a post about this months ago, and I’ll probably be repeating those points now.)

TJ’s concern about how people perceive him has been well-established, re: the dyscalculia storyline. However, I’ve always had an affinity for the concept that because he cares about Cyrus so deeply, he is able to come to terms with his gayness without as much turmoil as one might expect. I think this concept is even more valid after the gun incident, with TJ standing up to his previous friends in order to do the right thing, and admitting that Cyrus is the best thing in his life.

“But ash, this is just you being a hopeless romantic!” you might say. But wait! I have more evidence!

I now realize just how much I was projecting myself onto TJ in regards to his insecurities, and it really had nothing to do with romance:

I have always had this complex duality of “I don’t care what people think!! I gotta be true to myself” and “Oh my god, I care so much and I’m so socially anxious.” (I bet some of you can relate.)

The thing is... while I feel self-conscious about my transness on a near-daily basis... I’ve been pretty unapologetically queer since I realized that I actually had a gay crush.

Granted, I was already a big ‘ally’ with several LGB friends in a fairly liberal area, and this gay awakening was in high school (not middle school). So TJ wouldn’t have all of that going for him.

But my thought processes (regarding my insecurities) has always been:

If people don’t like me for who I am, then they’re not worth my time...

But if people negatively judge me for my abilities? Game over, I’m an insecure mess. THAT’S what I’m most insecure about: seeming dumb or weak or incapable.

And again, maybe this is just self-indulgent projection, but I think this fits TJ, too.

In S2, TJ clearly is so insecure because he thinks he’s stupid since he struggles with math. And since he’s a jock, perhaps at first he can play off his bad grades with the whole “Oh, I’m a athlete, and getting good grades is for nerds, and I’m cooool” (or whatever rhetoric is used nowadays but middle school boys). BUT having a learning disability is far scarier, because it solidifies (in HIS mind) that there is something inherently wrong with his brain.

I could go on and on, analyzing TJ’s inner psyche, but the point is:

I could see him being insecure about his physical and mental skills such as basketball and math, yet being self-assured of his sexuality.

This would also be a realistic option for his character — in my opinion at least, because my own life experiences align well with this interpretation, and well, that’s gotta count for something because I’m pretty sure I’m a real person, even if my experiences aren’t widely shared?

TLDR; The way that they ended taking TJ’s character is a “realistic” option, but it’s not the option that I would’ve chose — both for personal reasons (personally relating to TJ, and wanting to see Tyrus be happy) AND social reasons (believing that children should be able to see a character who isn’t show to struggle with self-acceptance, especially since we already saw Cyrus be scared of himself for being gay).

This isn’t to take away the validity of anyone who DOES relate to/support TJ’s current arc! This is me just sharing my own perspective (and trying to get the sad feelings out of my system).

My whole approach to media representation is challenging the “good representation” vs “bad representation” binary, because doing so is incredibly counterproductive and oversimplified. Instead, we should be constantly asking “What is the context for this representation? What is valuable about it? What are it’s flaws? How could be possibly do better in the future?” So I can see advantages of this particular storyline, but I also have some criticisms that I believe to be substantiated.

#not even gonna tag bc i feel p vulnerable about sharing this #but i needed to release it into the universe so all this stops swirling in my head #and i do feel better having written it out and sending it away

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buckymcbuttfacebarnes · 6 years

Text

Bashful Creatures (4)

masterlist

(yall imma be honest with u i dont know what the FUCK is going on with my tags sometimes they work sometimes they dont, im finna edit this so if u get tagged twice IM SO SORRY)

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: abt 1.8k

Summary: Y/N feels herself beginning to fall in love with her best friend. This part picks up immediately after the incidents of part 3!

Warnings: at this point yall know the drill

A/N: (extended portions written in italics are memories!) love y’all thank u so much for the kind feedback! let me know what u think of this part!!! soz it took 85 yrs school and stuff got me all effed up! i think i might do pt 5 in buckys pov?? or just do both in one and like switch off idk??

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

The sound of the door slamming shut resonated through you, stunned you, but you didn’t try to stop him from leaving. He needed space to cool off. The least you could do was give that to him. The deafening silence settled into something uncomfortable and awkward, even though it was just you and it. You and the silence. It felt like wearing a shirt too tight for your body, an ill-fitting second skin that you couldn’t seem to peel off.

Your eyes flitted around your bedroom, the place where you had retreated immediately after the ordeal, fragments of Bucky were everywhere. In your bed, at your desk, in the silvery glow of the moon’s rays shining through your window... They seemed to haunt the room with his presence, making it impossible to do anything but focus on him. Nothing but the things you had said and the things he had said to you rung in your head. Over and over again. How could you have let the situation escalate so quickly? Why did it escalate so quickly?

To escape his phantom presence, you wandered the empty compound, heart beating loudly in your ears as if you were still in the midst of yelling at the man you love so dearly, like you were still caught in the thick of it. Am I your friend or your fucking babysitter? Your fingers twitched and fiddled, wiping dismissively against the sides of your thighs or being shaken out as if wicking water off of them. You imagined his face in your head, the sad tears that rolled down his cheeks. He let you hold him then. You should have kissed them away and soothed his troubles, assured him of your presence. I’ve come back to you. You should have just told him: I love you, Bucky. God, how terribly you wanted him to tell you that he loved you too. It seemed so far-fetched, like some unattainable dream. Nothing more than whimsical fantasy because there was no way in hell someone as beautiful as Bucky might love you too. Someone so kind and cunning. Coy and charismatic. Someone so sweet...it seemed impossible that your infatuation could be made into something real. That this was more than some paltry story of love unrequited.

The empty spaces of the compound did nothing to help you escape him. You saw him everywhere you went.

As he swung you around you looked to him with the widest smile, your cheeks were beginning to ache. You couldn’t suppress the laugh that bubbled from your lips, spilling out of you like a kettle boiling over.

“What? What?” he asked defensively, the grin on his face betraying his tone. “Hold on, we haven’t even gotten to the best part!”

It was just the two of you, alone in the compound, and you were embracing every moment of it.

“Quit laughin’ and listen,” he shushed, tapping his ear with a forefinger before his hand returned to its place on the small of your back.

“I’m listening!”

“You aren’t if you’re ta—” You cut him off by placing a hand over his mouth. You ignored his warning look and slowly removed your hand, revealing his smiling mouth.

The music that blared from the speakers beside the TV began to swell with the clear, bubbly blare of trumpets. It filled the sunlit room and mingled with the sounds of your uncontrollable giggles and his successive chuckles. It filled you with an unimaginable warmth. Your heart began to pound faster, was it the music? Or was it Bucky? The way he was smiling, with all of his pearly whites showing, so wide that there were crinkles at the corners of his eyes. Maybe it was the loose strands of hair that framed his face, or the two aquamarine eyes that peered down at you, glittering like two of the most beautiful gemstones you had ever seen.

Perhaps it was the way his hands rested comfortably against your back. There was a time where he was weary about touching you at all. A time where he worried he might frighten you, or underestimate his strength. A time where he wouldn’t remove his glove, even though you’d seen the sparkling metal countless times on missions. He thought it to be a threat. A reminder of his dark past, some sort of defect that made him unloveable. How could he believe such a thing when you were standing there in front of him, hands clasped at the back of his neck, grinning up at him like a fool? How could he believe such a thing when the look of love shined in your eyes the way the metal of his left hand glinted in the hot sun? How could he believe such a thing when you loved him?

On a day that felt like yesterday, you had fallen in love with Bucky Barnes. In that moment it felt right, the warmth that spread through you, the way your fingertips seemed to grow hot, and you chewed unknowingly on your lower lip—a telltale sign of nerves. He didn’t seem to notice though, so you basked in the feeling, let it wash over you like the build of the beautiful music he had playing in the background. In that moment, there was no doubts. You confidently thought, This is love. And it was.

And though after those few sweet moments you’d begun to doubt your feelings were there or that they were more than some immature thirst for romance, the fondness you harbored in your chest for him then remained there for a long time. Now it seemed to burn brighter than ever.

You continued your aimless trek through the compound, your bones felt heavy, your body sluggish. You made a stop in the kitchen to pour a glass of water. Your eyes flickered to the kitchen table that you had once sat at. Where Bucky had stood across from you and vulnerably asked, “Where were you last night?” He had told you he had been looking for you. An indirect way of saying that he had needed you and you weren’t there.

You knew that...yet you still stared into those suddenly child-like eyes and gave him gave him a painfully pathetic reply: “I was out. Had a hot date.”

It was hard not to cringe at the thought of the pitiful exchange. How the fuck was he to forgive you after something like that?

Your eyelids pressed shut, squeezing together in some attempt to force the memory from your brain. Heavy shudders of breath left your parted lips. Weary elbows came to rest upon the cold countertop, your head hung low in your hands. How did this happen? You asked silently. Tears sprung to your eyes and a sudden sob racked your body. You hadn’t expected to cry, but it washed over you in a forceful wave. It was turbulent and uncontrollable. You were glad he wasn’t here to see it. Partly because you feared he might cry again too, partly because it was possible that he may not care at all. How could I leave him all alone? You thought of the way his eyes glistened with tears. How his hands hesitantly came up to pull yours from his face. The way he had fled so urgently from your touch, as if your hands might cause him some physical harm. The thick lump that had formed in your throat choked you, you heaved heavy breaths between your violent sobs. You wept until your eyes formed no more tears, until your head throbbed, until you were completely exhausted.

With a glass of water in hand, you made your way to your room, mind blank. On the way, you abruptly stopped and turned around. You let your legs carry you without protest. They seemed to know where they were going.

You ended up at Bucky’s door. You didn’t know when he would come home, but you knew that when he did, you wanted to be with him. And so you entered. Heavy lidded eyes glanced around the room as the light flickered on. There was a bed, a plain bedside table, a desk, a desk chair. He was more for functionality than style, you had always known that. Upon his desk was a photo of himself and Steve. The surface of his bedside table was covered by a record player, the only special thing that he had ever really asked for. There were a couple plants here and there, courtesy of you. You had wanted to liven up the painfully minimalistic room just a little bit. You flicked the switch and the room went dark again. Curled up beneath his duvet, you inhaled deeply through your nose, exhaling loudly. It was all Bucky. You longed for him. For his gaze, for his touch, his laugh, his silky voice. You withheld another sob. You needed him here.

When he got home you would tell him. You would tell him that you loved him, that you were sorry. You imagined his warm body slipping into bed beside you. He would hold you in his arms and maybe then you’d tell him. Or maybe he’d say he didn’t want to talk and instead you would fall asleep together. Bodies intertwined like unruly vines, breaths perfectly synchronized. He would sleep all night because he only slept well when you were there to keep him tethered to reality. You’re here, we’re together. It’s alright. You’ve come back to me.

You would wake to the soft crackling of a record on its turntable and the great crescendo of some euphonious song that he happened to know. He might get you to dance with him, as he often liked to do. Swing you around the room and send you smiles full of mischief. Or maybe he’d be lying beside you still asleep. The only music would be the sound of his gentle huffs of breath. You would look upon his softened features, dotingly stroke his cheek, then maybe blush in embarrassment at your sentimental behavior. You would ignore the bashful smile that would force itself upon your lips, ignoring your brain’s protests, and hope that things could be like this all the time. You would tell him so. You would tell him you loved him. You would say that you’re never going to leave. He would say he loved you too.

When you woke the next morning, you woke to an empty bed. Bucky had not come home that night.

@slender–spirit @katielu-blog @bookhoggerph @sergeant-james-bbarnes @killjoynotes @thirstresponsibly @cherrywinedarling @janeyboo @buckybarnesxoxo @depressed-fangirl @tchallaholla @rheasneonjournal @lilypalmer1987 @zeonxox @sarahp897 @sebspeach @kat-lives @graveyardfairy @fandom-obsessed-girl @painkiller80 @i-had-a-life-once @writingsleepless @starkxpotts @damagelove @buckybarnestrashh

i had to come back and fix the effing tags since they dont know how to act so if yall got tagged like 849 times it was my fault soz im a dumbass love yall!

message me if you’d like to be added to the taglist for this fic<3

#bucky barnes x reader #james bucky barnes x reader #james bucky barnes x you #james buchanan barnes #james buchanan barnes x reader #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x you #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes #james bucky barnes #bucky fic #bucky angst #marvel fic #marvel fanfiction #marvel fanfic #bucky barnes imagine #bucky imagine

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bambi-1a-blog · 6 years

Text

10 bias tag

I wasnt expecting to be tagged for this but thankyou @peachylobotomyy !!! Ily bby 💙

Anyway..

1. Jinyoung from GOT7

The precious peach is my ult bias. He's beautiful on the inside and out. Hes sexy and so so talented, fuck that voice is beautiful and smooth. I could listen to him reading all day long. I have never been so sure about whos my bias. I love this man probably too much lmao.

2. Hoshi from SEVENTEEN !

Do i really need to say anything here? Hes A CUTE SQUISHY LITTLE SOFT CHILD THAT I LOVE. Hes probably the softest man i stan? For an intense hard stan, hoshi has me choking softly and a mess for his fluffy self. He is a cute little meme and all i can think about is "nega hoSHH" all day. His rapping is SLEPT UPON, dont believe me? Change Up will have you gagging. Plus them vocal chords are sent by angels and DAMN BOI DANCE KING, he has hobi running for his money. As leader of the performance unit, he is naturally a talented blessed boi and we should all love him more. This boi's visuals are severly slept upon ugh.

3. Jin from BTS

Wow, worldwide handsome is my bias? Yo, of course. We all need some of his beauty in our lives, those flying kisses is what gets me through the day. Not just his mindblowing visuals are all i love about him, but his idiocy. Bless him, Jin is a special kind of person. /an idiot/. His loudness and short temper is goddamn hilarious and those dad jokes - idk whether to eye roll and cringe to death or laugh by how cute he is. Those shoulders too, oof. This oldie is probably one of the first bias' i ever had? I've stuck loyally to him (i dont hop around biases very much) and man i've watched him go through every hair colour, liVING FOR IT. He is our pink queen, and i love it. His vocals also - stop sleeping on epiphany it was amazing yall. Gosh.

4. Jinho from PENTAGON

We all love a short lil bean. But wow. Jinho is a soft small child, but also the eldest. Hes so damn cute i could fit him in my pocket- he knows this. And uses it to his power the snake. He has the vocals of a legend and oh boi his english covers are so damn good. *cue havana and finesse covers* he is a lil sneak and gets away with everything just cus hes the eldest- but everyone loves him so its cool.

(Kay lmao ima keep the rest short gosh my mind is dying tonight)

5. Doyoung from NCT

A beautiful man - born blessed looking like a literal angel on earth. He has such a soft and sweet spoken voice, but oh boy has some powerful vocals. I could listen to his lines in "yestoday" all day long. Oh boy oh boy is this man blessed. Hes a v good dancer, so damn polite it hurts, amazing singer aaaand beautiful. He should be an abercrombe and fitch model, the grunge aesthetic has never been his thing. (Beaut squeaky clean boi next door)

6. Wonpil from DAY6 (daysicc)

Well.. what can i even say aabout this fake maknae. Hes a fucking idiot. But oh boy do i love him with all my soul. wonpil is the biggest cutie, even jae accepts it these days. His aegyo is utterly cringe worthy but bless him that laugh has me fainting. His vocals are blessed, oh man is he talented. Not to forget how talented those fingers of his are.. on the piano. I could listen to him play all day, he has such a soothing and calm aura to him when hes absorbed and focused on playing the piano, voice resonating perfectly with it. Oh man i just love him a lot (also dopil has me hardcore crying its so cute)

7. Ravi from VIXX

Okay so damn-(ra) we have reached ultimate hard stan material. This man. Oh boy. People already sleep on vixx enough as it is (see; shangri la, scentist and stan) but daaaaamn this man, has a talent for writing, producing, rapping and even dancing. He is the jack of all trades. Pefectly harmonises cute and soft with sexy and "fuck im gonna pass out hes too much" kinda hot. Also lets not forget the tattoos oof. Hes like the perfect "badboy" with a soft side too. I live for all his mixtapes and solo shit as well as vixx as a whole. Hes also sugar daddy material he a RICH BOI - he gets all them royalties. Just.. wow. Ravi is a beautiful man pls stop sleeping on him and vixx. He is also a part of the tall boi crew as are the rest of vixx, damn they all big! (He is literally daddy)

8. Hyungwon from MONSTA X

A meme with thick lips and a beautiful voice.. he could also be model damnnn. I remember watching no mercy and literally dying when hyungwon (a frog) suddenly starts picking on another member of his group, swearing and all. Idk if it was hot or scary. Tbh my first reaction was like, daddy spank me. Lmao. (It was a prank on the maknae of that group dw the frog isnt that mean.) He really has been blessed with visuals and oh boi those lips are PERF. But yeah i could listen to him sing or talk for hourssss. Naturally because im a meme i love him- memes unite. (I swear everyone knows hyungwon just for that goddaamn sip from the starbucks cup)

LMAO SINCE THIS IS ALREADY UP IMA JUST WING IT

9. Xiumin from EXO

Beautiful smol boy, v talented oof that vocal range of his is insane..(also an oldie cryy. "marshmallow" alsoo hipthrusts and his dancing... wow we love a short king

10. GD from BIGBANG

A weirdo with colourful and beautiful hair (and face). A legendary boy that can rap the house down. Oh boy i love jiyong. Bless

Ugh this took too long..

I tag @kimtaelm, @got7kingsoflove and @blazechu to do this! 💙

Have fun~

#kpop #got7 #seventeen #bts #pentagon #nct #vixx #monsta x #day6 #bigbang #exo #10 bias #bias #bias challenge #10 bias challenge #kpop memes #memes

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multipandombabe · 6 years

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I Loved You - Billy Hargrove Blurb

Anonymous said: “I never wanted this to happen.”

Summary: love is hard my dudes.

PAIRING: Billy Hargrove x Reader

Word Count: 1143

Warnings: its angsty af yall

A/N: THIS ! IS ! ANGST! And because of that I recommend you listen to this song on repeat: ‘Places We Won’t Walk’ by Bruno Major

“I never wanted this to happen.”

Billy mumbled.

He was in mourning. Mourning the death of your relationship.

He didn’t know when it all fell apart, maybe last week, a month ago, six months ago—he couldn’t tell. It was because he thought everything was okay. Sure things had become a bit slower, maybe things were a little less interesting, yeah, but he never expected you to show up on his doorstep looking empty in the face. You were void of any emotion when you walked into his bedroom, sat on the sheets and simply let it roll off your lips.

“We have to break up.”

An instant panic flooded through his system and he was at your side in milliseconds, grasping your attention with his words and hands.

“What? What do you mean? W-What did I do?”

But you just stared at him with your lips pressed, interjecting his ramble with the shake of your head. Fingers tangling with fingers he watched you breathe out a short bit seemingly long sigh.

“We’re not in love anymore—we’ve fallen out of love Billy.”

He didn’t expect you to say it so bluntly as if it was just another phrase in another sentence. Words like that were suppose to be heartbreaking and taken slowly to ease the pain. Instead they were simply laid out on the floor before the two of you, just as ugly as the color of his beige carpet.

“Y/N that’s....that’s not true—“

“It is.” You cut him off again. This time though you placed your hand against his cheek and turned his head until he was forced to stare into your eyes. And Billy stared. He reminded himself to remember the color of your eyes in this moment, out of fear he’d never see them again after this. Then you smiled.

“And it’s okay.”

He didn’t believe you. This—whatever it was—was not okay in the slightest. It was not normal, couples didn’t break up like this and they especially didn’t smile when in the midst of it.

Billy wanted to protest, beginning to think up a million ways to end this conversation where it was and then pretend it never happened. Instead he would hold you in his arms and you would fall asleep tangled up in each other’s limbs and he could act like it was all a dream. That sounded so much better.

“No. No no no, this isn’t right.”

“Billy.”

“Y/N I still love you.”

“And I still love you.” He turned to you flabbergasted, eyebrows furrowed up together on his forehead in confusion.

“Then why are we even having this conversation?”

Another sigh.

“Billy.” He felt your grasp tighten on him. He would remember that too. “When is the last time we went for a drive in your car for no reason at all?”

“Y/N—“ you raised your hand to signal a pause.

“No, listen.” He huffed and did his best to ignore that burning sensation building behind his eyes, staring at you once more. “When is the last time you held my hand while we walked down the street? Or put your jacket over my shoulders because I was cold? Held me after having sex? The last time you called me just to hear my voice? When was the last time you said I love you?”

It had hit head on. No taking a moment to break it down in his head or pausing to ask himself. Every single thing you had listed were things he honestly had a difficulty remembrance of doing in the past few weeks—months. The memories of the last time he kissed you and meant it were murky.

Was this what it was like to fall out of love? Were the lack of things you rambled off the signs of losing love? If they were he didn’t know, they were exactly listed in some guidebook somewhere for him to just read and know. But he wished they were, he wished he could have prevented this.

Maybe if he’d tried a little bit harder, made a better effort.

“W-What can I do?” Desperation was something Billy quite definitely lacked. He wasn’t the ‘crawl on my hands and knees and beg for forgiveness’ type. But he didn’t want to lose you. You were so...good. You were pure in this life of his were everything was destroyed. It was a habit of some sort—maybe a curse. Nothing good ever lasted very long with him, but at least he could try and save whatever morsels remained of what the two of you shared. He had to fight for something in his life.

But you shook your head once again, those Y/C/E he grew so fondly of over your 4 years of being together brimming now with tears. Billy wondered if you were beginning to cry because this was a pain in the ass to do, or if saying goodbye hurt you as much as it hurt him.

“You c-can’t do anything.” He flinched at the sound of your voice cracking, the sound now stimulating his own woe with droplets to follow. It was even worse that you were smiling-that you were trying to act strong for the both of you. He didn’t want that. He didn’t want any of this.

“Y/N..please,” he wiped at his eyes with back of his hand and sniffled, “Don’t—fuck—don’t leave me.”

Your eyes clamped shut and your lips trembled as you sank your teeth into them, tossing your head upwards in a means to stop the crying. Billy watched it all bleary eyed, nearly blind from his own tears.

‘People who love each other don’t cry like this.’ His own mind spoke. ‘They don’t cry like this because this would never happen.’

Or would it?

Maybe you weren’t doing this out of spite, or boredom. Maybe you truly did love him and were doing this..out of love.

“I don’t want to lose you.” You surprisingly spoke, glancing in his direction with sore eyes, “I never want to lose you.”

Billy could feel his body begin to shake. Because he felt the same fucking way; You had his whole heart even if it didn’t seem like it and if you left you would take it with you.

“But we don’t love each other the way we use to.” You concluded.

In his mind, Billy convinced you to stay. In his mind you never kissed his cheek and left. In his mind you brushed away his tears and laughed--told him it was all just a bad joke and that you would never actually leave.

But that was his imagination.

No one tells you that when you say I love you the first time to someone there would also be a last.

Now he would spend his time wondering who you’d say it to next, knowing, it wouldn’t be him anymore.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed! This was sad and actually made me slightly emotional so I hope those feels resonated within you guys as well!

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove imagine #billy hargrove smut #billy hargrove blurb #billy hargrove x reader #stranger things #stranger things imagine #steve harrington #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington blurb #steve harrington smut #finn woldhard #millie bobby brown

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turtlesoupstories · 7 years

Text

Retrouvailles (4/4)

hello friends, it is finally here, the final part of our 500 follower collab fic! this is my second take on it, i just wasn’t happy with the first one but i’m so proud of this one. the first one was 10 pages and so is this one, so yall are in for a ride. thank you so much for all your feedback and kind messages they mean everything to us! i really hope you guys enjoy it!

as always i want to thank my other ladies: kaitlyn, marlo, mikayla for helping me come up with ideas and editing this fuckin novel.

you can find the previous parts of retrouvailles here

and be sure to check out the amazing drawing that @outlanderedandoverhere so kindly made for us!

see you all on the flip side 😏

-shannon ( @internallydeceased )

Two Years Later… Boston, Massachusetts

Claire stared into the deep amber liquid of the whiskey that swirled in her glass, half hoping that the tiny tornado she created would suck her up and spit her out somewhere else–anywhere else.

“Are you even listening to me, L. J.?” Joe–her one true friend and confidant–nudged her with his elbow, pulling her from her reverie.

“Hm? Sorry, what were you saying?” Claire replied, her head jerking up to meet his eyes, cheeks flushed in humiliation.

Joe chuckled, “It’s fine, don’t sweat it.” He smiled at her, his eyes crinkling as he did so. “I asked if you were alright–something on your mind?” He took another swig of his drink, eyebrows raised over the rim of the cup in anticipation.

Her hands lay in her lap, grappling with each other as anxiety and guilt washed over her all at once.

She stared at her hands, trying to focus on anything other than the emotions that plagued her. Tears welled up in her eyes as the memory of a young boy flitted across her consciousness.

Joe placed a large hand over both of hers comfortingly, assuring her that he was–and always would be–there for her.

“Claire, you know you can tell me.”

She laughed shortly. “You know, I can’t seem to remember you ever calling me that before.”

Looking up at him, she watched as he shook his head. “Well, there’s a first time for everything,” he joked, but his face turned serious as he nodded, signalling her to continue.

Claire took in a long shaky breath, closing her eyes for a moment in an attempt to gain her composure.

“I can’t stop thinking about him… or his mother. Joe, I’ve never had a patient die on me. Ever. And with that, I feel like I could’ve—should’ve—saved him…” She trailed off, her voice choked on the sobs that threatened to break through.

She finally looked up at him, her eyes glassy with tears. “It’s all my fault, Joe. A mother now has to live without her child because of me. I killed him.” She finished, voice cracked with emotion, and she leaned onto Joe’s shoulder—thoroughly and completely falling to pieces.

Joe pulled her into his chest, silently shushing her and drawing soothing patterns on her back with his hand.

“Do you want to step outside for a minute?” He whispered, taking note of the scattered curious eyes lingering on them. She nodded, taking his hand as he lead them out of the comforting warmth of the bar and into the bitter cold of a December night.

She was still sobbing, her breath coming fast and short as she continued to lose control of her emotions. Joe turned towards her, forcing her to look up at him.

“Lady Jane, you can’t save everyone. It wouldn’t have made a difference if you’d gotten there an hour or, hell, even a minute sooner. Sometimes things happen that we can’t prepare for, and there isn’t a damn thing we can do about it.”

“I’ve been able to save people before,” she murmured shakily into his chest. “Even when all the odds were against me, I was able to turn it around somehow. But not with him.” Shaking her head slowly, she could hardly begin to think about anything else, besides that it was her fault he lay cold and lifeless in a morgue instead of outside and alive, living his life with his family. There were so many things that he could no longer do, and now these things plagued her, lingering close behind her like a ghost.

Joe placed his hands on each of her shoulders, squeezing her hard enough so that she’d look at him. “Listen to me. You’ve been lucky, luckier than anyone I’ve ever known—but there isn’t a surgeon on this planet, no matter how lucky, that can save every patient that walks through their door.” He exhaled and dropped his arms from her shoulders so that they lay limp at his sides. “There will always be losses that stick with you, especially your first.” He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the wall.

Claire noticed that Joe was no longer present, his mind taking him to another time and place. She whispered softly, “Yours?”

“I was in my third year of residency. A woman came in with flu-like symptoms: she’d been sick for months, and her condition remained the same. I knew that it could’ve been anything—but I was so sure it wasn’t anything serious.” He paused, looking off into the distance, remembering. “I examined her, took some tests. But I failed to see something that seems so obvious now. I had expected it to be so easy, but…” He trailed off, unable to say the words that remained trapped in his throat.

Instead, she finished for him. “It wasn’t.”

“No,” he murmured, still far away. “It wasn’t.”

“What happened?” Claire inquired after another long pause.

He looked up at her, his eyes soft in the dim light of the street lamp, illuminating the tears that threatened to fall.

“We had her stay a few hours longer, just in case something unusual were to happen. But it wasn’t until I went over the tests and mentally ran through the list of symptoms again that I realized what I had missed: Leptospirosis—”

“Weil’s disease,” she’d said, mostly to herself.

He nodded. “By the time we figured out what it was, it was too late. I did everything I could to save her but… there was nothing I could do for her. By the time she came in, her liver was already failing. The damage had already been done, and no one could’ve saved her, L. J. No one.”

Tears silently streamed down his cheeks, the guilt weighed on him, even now, despite the fact that he knew there was nothing else he could’ve done. Wiping his face to clear the few fallen tears, he took a deep breath and turned his attention back to his friend.

“With every life saved, another is lost. It doesn’t matter what we do to try and change that. There will always be death and there will always be life, no matter how hard we try to avoid it.” He smiled, squeezing his friend’s hand, “But it’s easier on the mind to focus on those we have saved, while letting the memory of those lost live forever in our minds.”

Claire swallowed and nodded, beginning to understand. The message was simple: she’ll always blame herself, but that’s okay. Focusing on the positive is more important, in order to keep her sanity.

Joe let out a light chuckle, placing his left hand on her shoulder and leading them back into the bar. “I don’t know about you Lady Jane, but I need a drink.”

The farther and farther into the drink Claire got, the more prevalent the boy’s death became. She tried to listen to Joe’s words, to let him live on in her memory and focus on others, but she couldn’t. A lingering thought was ever-present in her mind, hovering over her like a bee to a flower: that boy reminded her of someone she had known, a long time ago.

She had tried so hard to leave everything behind, to shove all her memories in a box and leave them in the back of the closet. But he was all she ever thought about, ever since she returned to Boston. Despite finishing medical school, earning her degree and finally living her dream as a surgeon, he always lingered in the back of her mind.

Deep down, she understood why Geordie Campbell’s death had resonated so strongly with her—she had just refused to admit it. She’d thought that if she ignored it, it would eventually go away and she could move on. But she should’ve known better.

A few months after she graduated, she tried dating again. The men came and went, none of them coming close to the feeling she had felt with him, the truest love she had ever found in her life. After her fifth or sixth failed date, she began to think that she’d be alone for the rest of her days.

Eventually, she just threw everything she had into work, spending so much time in that damn hospital that she might as well have lived there. Yet no matter how much time and effort she focused on the other aspects of her life, Jamie was always there, like a chain you just can’t shake free.

That day when the boy died on the table—in her hands—she lost herself completely, having to leave the room and stay in the break room for the rest of the night, her heart finally giving into the harsh truth she’d ignored for two long years:

She did want him, love him, miss him. And more than anything in her life, she wanted to be with him. Many a time she’d gone online, looking for flights to Paris; but as soon as she’d get to the book flight button, the fears and doubts nagged at her.

What if he hates me and never wants to see me again? Does he resent me, now, for leaving him after he spilled his entire heart out to me? What if he’s already moved on—with a girlfriend or, hell, married with a family? Could I live with myself if I broke apart a happy marriage? What if—

“Can you shut up for one second?” She muttered to herself, downing the rest of her glass.

The hours passed as the pair drank and talked, reminiscing about their internships and the beginning of their friendship. Joe spoke about his family, some of the odd cases that came into the ER in the last couple of weeks, and generally just laughing and enjoying each other’s company.

“I’ll be right back, just need to use the restroom.” She smiled at her friend—who was on his fourth drink, limiting himself so that he could watch over Claire and make sure she got home safely.

She was halfway to the restroom when she heard her name.

“Claire!”

Her entire body went rigid as she slowly turned to face him. “Frank,” she said in a clipped tone.

Frank smiled, his face sweet and genuine. For a moment, she wasn’t even sure it was the same man she’d known almost four years ago. “I was sitting over there and I saw you pass by, thought I’d ask how you’re doing. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen you.”

She narrowed her eyes, searching for the true colors of the man behind this mask of civility. “I’m fine, thank you. How are you and Sandy?”

He beamed at the name, eyes sparkling with something she’d never seen in him before. “We’re getting married, actually.”

“Well, I suppose congratulations are in order.”

He nodded humbly, “Thank you. What about you? Found anyone special?” He inquired as he looked over to where she’d just been sitting, arching one eyebrow as he spotted Joe.

“No,” she laughed, mostly at the notion of her and Joe as a couple. “That’s Joe. He’s my friend and coworker. But to answer your question: no, I’m focusing on my career for now.”

Frank smirked, a crack in the mask. “I see. I suppose some things don’t change.”

She gritted her teeth. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It’s just funny to see how little people change in the span of three years,” he replied, looking her up and down with hawk-like eyes.

Unsure of his meaning, she instead turned her attention towards the bar and spotting a lone glass, half full with some foreign beverage. She stepped away for a moment before turning back to face him. “Funnily enough, Frank, neither have you.” With a flick of the wrist, she threw the drink at him, whatever alcoholic beverage it was splashing across his face and the top of his shirt.

She smirked triumphantly as she stalked away from him, not one tinge of regret present in her body. The look on his face was four years in the making.

“Shit!” Joe swore, checking the time on his wristwatch. “I’m sorry, L.J., but I’ve gotta get home.” He slipped into his jacket and geared up for the cold that awaited him outside the door. Once he zipped it up, he looked back to Claire, grimacing. “Come on, I’ll take you home.”

She smiled, shaking her head in dismissal. “No need, I think I’ll walk. I could use the fresh air.”

His brows knitted together in concern. “Are you sure? If something happens, I-”

“Joe. Go home. I’ll be fine, I promise.” She gave him a reassuring smile and tilted her head towards the door, telling him that it was okay to leave. He hesitated, unsure of his decision, until Claire mouthed the word “go” and he finally left.

Claire turned her attention back to her drink: her second glass of water. She downed it before putting on her own jacket and gloves. Stepping outside into the dark, she noticed how the blanket of white over the ground sparkled when a headlight occasionally passed over it. Snow had begun to fall, microscopic crystals falling from the sky and decorating everything in a thick blanket of ice. She exhaled, watching the cloud of her breath dissipate into the air. The cold bit at her exposed skin, numbing the tip of her nose and the apples of her cheeks. She looked up at the sky before beginning the journey home—she couldn’t make out the difference between the stars and the snowflakes that floated towards her, thinking that perhaps they were one in the same.

The sidewalk was covered in a fresh sheet of snow, perfectly smooth and undisturbed. The streets were completely empty besides the occasional car going by or a light in a store window. Other than that, she was completely alone. In that moment, it was as if she were the only person in the world.

For the first time in a long time, she felt happy—free. Her heart and soul soothed by the smell of pine-trees and the memories of Christmases long past. But there was no feeling of grief or mourning as she thought of them, as there usually was. It was as though her parents were walking along side her, watching over her and keeping her safe. Only, it wasn’t their eyes that she felt on her back as she walked down the sidewalk, feet crunching in the snow underfoot. The hair at the back of her neck stood on end as the euphoria of the memory faded away into something else.

She shoved her hands inside her pockets and began to walk a little faster. If I can just get to the cafe a few blocks away, I’ll be fine, she thought to herself, a plan forming in her slightly fogged mind.

Never once did she look back as she made her way into the cafe, eyes forward and her head down, her rational mind attempting to assure her that the threat wasn’t real. She headed straight for the counter, asking the half-asleep barista for a black iced coffee. After paying for the drink, she stood by the napkin dispenser, heart racing as she could still feel the eyes on her.

Upon calling her name and setting the drink at the end of the counter, Claire grasped it in one hand. Pulling off the lid and turning to the napkin station, as if she was about to pour sugar into the drink, she instead turned and thrust her hand forward, throwing the drink directly in the face of the stranger behind her.

The figure wiped his eyes cautiously, a familiar hand brushing his hair out of his face. Her heart seemed to be stuck in her throat.

“Jamie…”

As any artist would know, they are nothing without a muse. If it doesn’t exist, or it is lost, the purpose of art is lost. Jamie had learned this the hard way, having met and lost his muse within the span of two weeks. His interest in people declined greatly with the absence of her, and eventually found no enjoyment in photographing people at all. Ultimately, he steered away from people altogether, capturing the natural beauty of cities and countrysides instead.

Despite his change in subject, his work was still occasionally featured in galleries and magazines; remnants of the person he once was. Eventually, he decided to leave Paris behind, unable to live in a place where her ghost constantly haunted him with the memories of their time together. The places they were together were the hardest, but in the end, it didn’t matter where he was: his mind would always find a way to work Claire into it, whether they had spent time together there or not.

After leaving Paris about a month after her, he decided to go back to his ancestral home in the Scottish countryside, to spend some time with his family and, ultimately, to heal. He carried his camera everywhere he went, capturing the lush green of the hills and moors of the Scottish summer.

He found it nearly impossible to stay in one place for too long, however, so he took to life on the road: travelling to different cities, countries, and continents. Still, he would avoid photographing the people, and instead focused on the architecture, the landscapes, the skylines. In the end, he realized he was doing it for Claire–rather, for himself to impose Claire into each rolling landscape. Each time he went to a new city, he couldn’t help but picture her there amongst the crowds of people. All around the world he’d traveled, from Morocco to Tokyo to Las Vegas–and everywhere he turned, he’d see her creep around a corner or wave down a taxi. She was always with him, haunting him, never allowing him to forget.

Eventually, he had finally made his way to Boston. Upon arriving, he realized she had said something in the past about the city being her home, but he hadn’t thought anything of it. Now that he was here, however, the presence of her was almost overwhelming. Everywhere he turned, he’d see her face amongst those of strangers: lost in the crowded streets. Throughout the duration of his stay, he spent each day roaming throughout the city, walking through all the neighborhoods that laid within. He visited every place he could think of, hoping that today would be the day–the day that his life would begin again; to reshape the shell of it into the life he truly wanted.

He’d spent his day today wandering around hospital wards, hoping for just the tiniest glimpse of her. Wandering the halls almost like a ghost, he would pace the hallways until someone would kick him out. After the fifth time, the only thing he needed was something that would allow him to forget, at least for a little while.

And walking into the bar, all hopes dashed, he saw her–sitting at the bar across the room, talking and laughing with another man. Seeing the wide smile on her face made his heart sink low in his chest. Had she found someone else?

His eyes were on her the entire night, falling in love with her all over again. The way she carried herself with more confidence than any woman he ever saw, how she threw the drink in a man’s face and still made it look beautiful. The carefree sound of her laugh, reverberating off the walls of the small bar. His stomach fluttered when he noticed her companion leave without her. She was finally alone.

When she left, he had begun to panic. He’d been so afraid that he had missed his chance, worrying about what to say to her instead of actually talking to her; that now, it was too late.

Go after her, the voice inside his head screamed. Go after her!

Instead of calling for her, however, he opted to just follow her down the street. Still unable to say a word, he trailed behind, chastising himself for each minute that passed. Feeling more like a stray dog than a long-lost lover, he followed her into the coffeeshop, finally mustering up the courage to say something.

He opened his mouth to speak when he was met with iced coffee being thrown in his face. It wasn’t what he had planned or expected, but it couldn’t have been more perfect.

He couldn’t help but laugh, the memory of their first meeting replaying in his mind (though, thankfully, this coffee didn’t burn. Suppose she’s learned her lesson). He could hardly believe any of it was happening at all, the pure ecstasy that shot through every cell and fiber of his entire being as he looked at her.

“Claire.”

She’d completely forgotten about the plastic cup she’d been holding that now laid at her feet, rolling side to side and tapping against her foot. All she could do was stare at his face, pinching herself to make sure he was really here.

“What the bloody hell are you doing here?” She breathed, still not fully convinced that this wasn’t just another dream.

Jamie looked down at his feet, feeling as though he were fourteen again, afraid to speak to the girl he had a crush on. “That’s uh… a rather long story.”

“I suppose you could start with why you were following me?”

His eyes were wide, his mouth gaping like a fish out of water as words failed him. She couldn’t help but laugh at the expression on his face, her heart beginning to feel whole again.

“I uh, I ken it wasna right and I beg yer pardon for it but I was just so–” He shook his head and braved a glance at her.

Her eyebrows rose expectantly. “So…?”

“Afraid. I wanted to go over to ye more than anything, but I was afraid ye’d found someone else and moved on I– Christ, just to see ye again! It was as if I stepped outside on a cloudy day, and suddenly the sun came out.” He was beaming ear to ear, his blue eyes crinkling with the joy of it.

Claire could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. It was hard for her to even imagine it: the man she had longed for throughout the duration of their separation, the one she thought about constantly and had tried to forget, was standing there, right in front of her. The fact that he was just as excited and frightened as she was calmed her racing heart.

“I wasn’t sure you’d remember me…” She said absentmindedly, taking a step towards him.

His teeth flashed white as he smiled before digging into his pocket and pulling out a small square of paper–a photo. He took a step forward as well, handing it to her. A laugh escaped his lips when her hand came up to her mouth in shock, the tears that she’d kept at bay streaming down her cheeks. Her own eyes peered up at her from behind the rim of a coffee cup, hair wild around her face. Their very first meeting, the photograph (and the coffee) that had started it all.

“How could I ever forget about you?” He whispered, bringing a hand up to cup her cheek and leaning in to kiss her.

Their first step towards a new life, together.

END.

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