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#and it’s kinda cool actually like i don’t think i’m qualified but i don’t mind
fruitquake · 28 days
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i don’t know what the hell it is i do to continually have people seek me out as a source of queer/trans guidance. what secret knowledge do i look like i posess
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cosmicwindmillsystem · 3 months
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Do you have any advice for people who are about to start EMDR?
actually yes! And I’m so glad you asked because idk if I ever would’ve thought about making it into a post! apologies for the late response but wanted to give it a lot of thought! I’ve been doing EMDR on and off for about 3.5 years now with my therapist, as a disclaimer: I am not an expert so this would be my advice based on my personal experience with and knowledge of EMDR.
1. Make sure you trust your therapist or whoever the professional who will be guiding you through the experience is; also make sure that they are qualified with EMDR experience. They should not offer the option if they have no experience with it.
2. Make sure you are in a relatively stable enough place to go through it. Don’t lie just because you want to do it. it’s a very intense psychological experience and can be draining so just be somewhat prepared and don’t be surprised if you feel kinda worn out the rest of the day after the session. There have been times I have taken breaks from EMDR when other issues of life became problematic and as a result I was less stable. It’s not something you want to force when you’re not stable enough, for safety reasons. For me it was difficult to admit I wasn’t stable enough as I wanted to just “push through” thinking it’ll automatically heal me, but it doesn’t quite work that way.
3. My sister is also a licensed therapist and gave me this metaphor when I was struggling with EMDR, it has shifted my perspective and helped me a lot. Think of EMDR as riding a train through your subconscious/inner world (however you like to think of it). In between the bilateral stimulation parts your therapist will usually ask something such as “what are you noticing”. This is when you peek out the train window or poke your head out and see where the train has stopped. but you stay on the train and then repeat the process at the next stop. Do your very best to observe and not be “sucked in” to whatever you are noticing. What you notice could be an image your brain gives you, it could be a memory, or a physical sensation of some kind as well. It’s kind cool like your brain is communicating with you!
4. EMDR does require bringing up and having to somewhat relive your trauma in the controlled environment, which is why you want to make sure you trust your therapist and have any grounding items nearby or with you. If you go in person and drive yourself, don’t feel the need to drive away immediately. It’s okay to sit for a while until you’re ready. If you do telehealth maybe keep some grounding items near you and always be in a room/environment where you feel really safe. Allow time afterwards for some self care and taking it easy.
5. My therapist describes it as a process to try and close the trauma loop in a way that the memories don’t impact you quite as badly. Some have equated it to “exposure therapy but make it trauma”, although it’s kinda right, it’s more complex than that. Often things that come up repeatedly can be clues, like a branch of a tree, and through sessions you may find the roots deeper down. There may be root memories you’re not aware of and through EMDR you may eventually find those roots when you’re ready.
6. Be patient!!! You don’t want to overthink or over analyze it too much outside of therapy. It’s okay and natural to think of it but don’t try too hard to investigate, give your brain time and it will probably make sense later down the road when you are ready. I usually will write down something if it comes up and then try to put it out of my mind until next session. Don’t push yourself or judge too hard. It is a lot to go through and very heavy, it makes sense to feel frustrated or discouraged but you will make progress in your own time. Don’t be afraid to use a stop signal if you feel overwhelmed, you don’t always have to keep going!
7. Be honest! Do your very best to not worry about being judged or anything like that. Let your brain go where it needs to go without judgment or trying to control it. Don’t lie or try to force your session to to a certain way, all it will do is slow your progress! (Not trying to call anyone a liar intentionally, but sometimes we would try to direct or deflect certain things in session due to feeling like we needed more progress faster and fears/anxieties/doubts, as an impulse reaction almost, in this case we think about it for a while and journal on it until we have the words to talk it out and explain more in another session later on. “Lying” in this context can also just simply be telling your therapist you’re okay when you know that you are not.)
I hope this helps and makes some kind of sense! Wishing you lots of love and comfort as you start your journey with EMDR ❤️‍🩹
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ohcheckmate · 2 years
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[scout! notre recontre] today’s amazing
Season: Spring
Location: Arcade
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Makoto: Heck yeah~ GG…♪
I don’t have any extra work scheduled after school today, so I can finally just have fun playing games at the arcade after such a long time~
Hehe, who’s my next challenger! Come on up! Games are my area of expertise, I definitely won’t lose~♪
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Hokuto: Anzu, are there any games you’d like to play? If not, let’s just directly head over there.
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Makoto: (Hm? Hold on, those people walking in are wearing the Yumenosaki uniform right…? Wait, aren’t they…)
Hey~ Hidaka-kun, Anzu-chan~! Are you guys here to play games too?
(...Ahaha, they definitely didn’t hear me calling them. The music from the games all around us is way too noisy.)
(Wait, are they heading to the photo booths? …Sounds about right, it seems that Hidaka-kun rarely plays games like this anyway.)
(What if it’s like those classic shoujo manga tropes where the main leads, in order to capture the amazing memories from their after-school date, take some sweet and couple-y pictures in the photo booth… or something like that?!)
(Oooh, when did Hidaka-kun and Anzu-chan become so close? I'm so curious...!)
(I really wanna go over there to check out what’s going on, but I’m in the middle of a battle and it’s kinda rude to quit halfway…)
(Guess I gotta up my game and end this round as soon as possible!)
On the other side of the arcade
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Hokuto: Once you choose a photo mode you like, stand in the booth behind those curtains. Then, face the mirror, and follow the poses that are shown.
Haha, no need to thank me. I’m alright as long as I can help you, even if it’s just a bit.
Actually, I’m not particularly proficient with this, but Narukami once brought me and Otogari here during our second year, so I could say that I have some experience.1
Anzu, you want to take an individual shot, right? Would it be better for me to wait for you outside?
You’re saying that it’ll be boring to just take solo shots, so you want to take a few with me first?
Mm, of course that’s alright with me. At the same time, I can use this opportunity to practice my sense for the camera.
During meet-and-greets, some fans like to ask us to take a wefie with them. I would have to put more thought into how I can match and interact with them, and take photos that are satisfactory for both of us.
Even if this might make me seem overly serious, when I’m able to present the most perfect and cool side of myself in any situation—That’s when I’ll be able to say that I’m a qualified idol.
Anzu, you’re agreeing with me? As expected of you, the Producer, who understands us best.
Let’s not waste any more time, and stand properly in front of the mirror. Starting from the first pose…
This hand gesture is the ‘finger heart’ that has been popular lately, right? Actually, when I first saw it, I thought that gesturing through the intersection of the thumb and forefinger looks more like a cross instead.
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Hm? Why are you giggling so suddenly, did I just naturally say an extremely funny joke?
In that case, I shall take note of it. Perhaps I will be able to use it when I am on ‘Comedy’ variety shows in the future.
Oh, the countdown has started. Maintain your current pose, and three, two, one—
???: Amazing—!!!
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Hokuto: …?!!
Anzu, you heard that too, didn't you? Only that Masked Pervert would make that weird noise!
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Makoto: —Hidaka-kun!! W-what did you do to Anzu-chan?! (pulls aside the curtain of the photo booth)
Hokuto: …Huh? Yuuki, why are you the one that appeared? It can’t be that you’re actually that guy in disguise?
Makoto: How regretful for you to say that, as the one standing in front of you is indeed Makoto Yuuki in the flesh…☆
Wait, this isn’t the right time to joke around! This is all Akehoshi-kun’s fault, it’s now an instinct for me to respond when other people crack jokes…
Anyway, Hidaka-kun, you better explain yourself clearly—Why did Anzu-chan shriek so suddenly? And to think that I trusted you too…!
Hokuto: No, even if you ask me this, my mind is completely muddled as well.
Rather than accusing me like that, you’re better off quickly finding the Masked Per—... Hibiki-senpai, who is hiding nearby, waiting for me to make a fool of myself.
Makoto: …? What does this have to do with Hibiki-senpai?
Hokuto: Anzu, did you hear where his voice came from? But the only thing that’s placed there is my school bag.
Wait, it can’t be—Let me check my smartphone.
As expected. “So, did you think that I was by your side? This is a surprise that I have prepared specially for you today, Hokuto-kun~ Amazing☆”
Makoto: Woah, your tone sounds so similar when you’re imitating Hibiki-senpai!
Hokuto: …Even though I know you are complimenting me, I feel a bit unhappy about it.
Makoto: Hm, so going by Hidaka-kun’s speculation, what actually happened was that Hibiki-senpai somehow managed to set your phone’s notification ringtone to ‘Amazing’, which scared you and Anzu-chan?
Phew… I knew Hidaka-kun isn’t the type of guy who would do terrible things to girls.
Hokuto: Your reaction earlier didn’t sound so confident of the fact.
Actually, I bumped into Anzu on the way home just now, so I asked about how her health was these days.
Even though she’s already recovered from the earlier hospital visit, us members of Trickstar are still quite worried. And with my own schedule being this hectic, I rarely ever get the chance to talk to her.
In order to show that she has already regained her spirits, she wanted to try out what Narukami did previously, to take photos in these booths to give to us. So, I brought her here.
Makoto: So she wanted to do this in order to reassure us. My earlier reaction made me seem even more worried, huh? Sorry…
Hokuto: That said, if you already knew that we were here taking photos, why didn’t you immediately join us?
Makoto: About that… I hurried over here after I finished my game, but I saw that the machine was a “Girls Only” one, so I had no choice but to wait outside until you guys came out.
It’s definitely not that I’m some sort of pervert and wanted to secretly peek at you guys or listen in on you guys—It’s not like that?!
Hokuto: Ahaha, so that’s what happened. It’s indeed like you to follow the rules strictly all the time.
However, since Anzu is here, I think it’ll be okay to come inside as long as you’re here as her companion. This opportunity is hard to come by, so let the three of us take some photos together.
Makoto: Anzu-chan, you’re okay with this too? Then, don’t mind if I do~!
I hope that we can invite Akehoshi-kun and Isara-kun with us one day, so we can take a group photo with the five of us…♪
hokuto is referencing the ! gacha story, in the rose garden!
eng proofing: finderlen
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jeanjauthor · 2 years
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Where are the Crouching Weakling / Hidden Badass Girl stories??
...Why are all these power-trip anime fantasies about guys?
Specifically, I’m talking about the heroic lead character being “this unique boy has PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWER!, but he pretends to have NO powers so everyone thinks he’s weak / dull / uninteresting / leaves him alooooone!”
Don’t get me wrong; it can be a fun fantasy to play out!
BUT...:
Not a single girl power-trip fantasy in the category of crouching weakling hidden badass trope in anime-land that I can find.  (That one about the girl waking up in the body of the villainess of a fantasy anime she was playing doesn’t count; she’s literally in the role of the villain, not the hero, and she most definitely does not have phenomenal cosmic powers, or she wouldn’t be stuck in that position!)
I think the popularity of the trope may have to do with the standard male fantasy trope of being overpowered and cool...but NOT wanting to be seen as a braggart, asshole, bully, or thoughtless, heartless, senseless type.  As in:  “See??  I can be trusted with PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWAH!, and still totally be non-destructive-minded and thus love/worship-worthy!!!”  (Except far too many end up being played as aloof and uncaring, and too few are actually gentle and kind.)
It’s like...wanting to play the gentle giant without being seen as a giant, gentle or otherwise, but also wanting to play the cool loner anti-hero type...and of course “the poor picked-on-nerd who secretly can get revenge ANY TIME he wants”...  All of which can be fun tropes to play with!
BUT...
Virtually NONE of them are GIRLS.
The closest is probably the anime I’ve Been Killing Slimes For 300 Years And Maxed Out My Level...but I honestly don’t think it counts, because she didn’t know she had PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWER for all 300 of those years (or at least the latter portions of it as her powers leveled up)...and she certainly didn’t START with PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWAAAR!!!, which is a defining segment of the trope in question.  These types of characters start with massively powerful abilities, they know they have them, and they choose to hide them.
(This kinda includes being born knowing adult levels of knowledge and training throughout childhood to be vastly overpowered, including being inserted into a body at a very young age...but most of the time we never see a training montage of any type in the purest examples for this trope.)
As for Bofuri: I Don’t Want To Get Hurt, So I’ll Max Out My Defense, this one doesn’t count either.  Maple doesn’t start with PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWERRRR!!...because literally all she starts out with is high defense.  That’s it.  Not even a sword.  No agility, no strength, no magic, no combat skills, etc...  She also certainly doesn’t hide the fact she has these abilities!  Again, not a qualifying member of the trope!
And no, someone who has a family lineage of being powerful doesn’t count either, so no JoJo’s Adventures or anything.  These characters are one-offs, uniques, the-only-kid-to-ever-be-like-this types.
Writers?  We need to fill in this gap!
Give me a seemingly dour, bored, put-upon female oh so boring and VERRRRRRY NORMAL-seeming...but with PHENOMENAAAL COSSMIIIIIIC POOOOWAAAAAAARRRR!!! who pretends to be a boring nerdy type who would rather be bullied a little bit (but never too much) than have to be fawned over for being SOOPER DOOPER POWAAAHRFULLLL!!.
///Except I’d also love to see a happy-go-lucky SECRITLY SOOPAH POWAHED type who is openly gentle and kind, whether or not they’re male, female, or nonbinary.  A sort of Crouching Ray Of Sunshine / Hidden TERRIFYING ELDRICH BEING YOU JUST COMPLETELY PISSED OFF YOU JERK BEG FOR YOUR END TO COME SWIFTLY, who then goes back to being a cheerful beaming ray of sunshine afterward.
(Extra bonus points if you make it so that all her friends are blatantly NOT afraid of her the instant after shes done blowing up, even if Newbie McNewcomer is shaking in his boots and in serious need of a shower and a fresh change of pants...because her friends know she’s not mad at THEM; she was simply mad at the meanies who were trying to hurt them, and now she’s back to being calm and sweet and huggable again, so her friends happily hug her.  Seriously, extra bonus points for that.  Have them ask,  “Are you okay now? / done being mad? / satisfied with how they’ve been punished?”  have her say “Yup!” or something like that, and everybody is happy & relaxed again...because the Cowering In Fear Of The Exploded Ray Of Sunshine is a bit overdone as a trope, too.  Oh, and no friends exploiting her explodability to use it to threaten others.  None Of That Kind Of “Friend” thank you!)
...And yes, I’m having fun textually exaggerating the extensive powers part...
Of course, I’m now wondering if Ia qualifies for the trope.  She is born sorta knowing, and then eventually knows for damn sure, and trains in secret, then keeps it a secret for years...but it was never to avoid being bothered or fawned over; it was literally a matter of timing.  She had to hide it for X number of years months & days, and then she had to reveal it at a specific place time & occasion.  It’s not as if her plans to keep her powers hidden were wrecked by outside forces; she chose to reveal them!
And she certainly doesn’t use her FUN-NOM-NOMINAL COZ-MICK POWAHS just to erase the memories others have of her unbelievable powers, as is often a trope, too.  For one, that would be unethical in the extreme & get her hunted down and either lobotomized or slain outright. For another, she miiiiight be strong enough as a telepath, but she’d only be able to do one person at a time, and memory alteration takes more skill than she’s ever bothered to practice
For a third...she actually doesn’t have “phenomenal cosmic powers.”  She cannot snap her fingers and rewrite reality.
So I’d have to call Ia phenomenally powered (absolutely yes, no denying that one!)... but... she cannot change the cosmos, so that’s a No to the cosmic powers.  Close, but not quite close enough.  She simply doesn’t have the full package.
So...does anyone know an anime where the gal has truly phenomenal cosmic powers, but hides them like a Crouching Boring Weakling / Hidden Fearsome Badass type?
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mcmoth · 3 years
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Dream SMP fandom etiquette
So. This post is probably too little, too late, considering the fandom and the issues I'm about to talk about have existed for so long now, and a lot of the people who need to hear this probably aren't on tumblr anyways, but I just wanted to dedicate a quick post to talk about fandom etiquette. Mostly pertaining to discourse, and interactions with people outside of our circle. These are just going to be my own personal thoughts, of course, but I felt it could be good to bring some of this to attention. So without further introduction:
Where to (not) talk about discourse:
Don't go into other streamer's vods to only focus about a different character. If you want to analyse, for example, c!Techno, do it in Techno's stream. Don't go into unrelated streams, like Tommy's, Tubbo's etc. to do it, even if they were a part of the event in question. This is, of course, with the exception if the character in question didn't stream their own pov. But otherwise, stay in your own space. This is to prevent cluttering a streamer's comments about unrelated discussion. To give further example: Tubbo's vod comments should primarily focus on Tubbo's character. Not Tommy's, Ranboo's, Techno's or whoever else's.
Don't start discourse in the comments of animatics. Seriously, stop that. Animatics aren't discussion boards. The comments are there to analyse and appreciate the video presented, not argue. It's especially rude if you pick a small detail, that wasn't even the focus of the animatic, or even a completely unrelated issue to rant out your frustrations about. To give examples: starting disc discourse in an animatic of Tommy talking to Wilbur, or rambling about how tragic Techno's character is in an animatic focused on clingy duo, etc.
This applies to fan songs as well.
Video essays are the exception to these rules. I think it's safe to say they're the place to bring your hot takes, if you really feel so inclined to argue in youtube comment sections (Though I'd personally advise to still keep the topic relevant).
Keep negativity out of fanfic comments. This isn't nearly as big of an issue as the last points, but I've seen it happen a couple times, so I'm deciding to mention it. Fanfics are written for fun. Even if you disagree with the characterisation or something else, unless the author is clear in accepting critique, keep criticism to yourself. And definitely don't rant about how you dislike a character unrelated to the fanfic. Sharing your thoughts on the fanfic itself is of course fine and welcomed, but when it turns from discussing the author's story to talking about how you dislike a character in canon, that's when it crosses a line. Example: comment talking about what you don't like about c!Tommy on a Bench Trio fanfiction.
When commenting on art, keep the feedback positive. Even if you dislike any presented character, keep that to yourself. Example: Don't say things like "I hate x character, but this art is good". You might think the author would feel honoured, but it's actually just hurtful.
How to deal with discourse:
This is gonna be a shorter section, because I think we all chose to do it in different ways, and that's valid. Also, it's just that I, myself, am still learning how to do this well, but I thought it could be good to try to lay it out anyways.
Try to scroll past takes you disagree with instead of arguing if you don't think you'd be able to keep your cool. Noone likes a random person yelling at them through a screen, and if you rant, you'll get an equally frustrated reply back, and noone will be happy. Either explain your point in a calm manner, or scroll past/ unfollow/block.
On the keeping cool thing, remember to just step away. Take a deep breath and calm yourself down before proceeding. To minimize the frustration you feel on a daily basis, filter tags, block people, avoid videos and youtube comment sections that you know will upset you, and leave certain internet spaces if you find yourself unable to escape negativity even with all those steps. Remember: in the end, it's all a game played by friends, a story, and your enjoyment of it lies in what you take from it. Abandon what makes you unhappy. Marie Kondo your fandom experience.
Also, here's your reminder, to whom this is relevant, to take care of yourself. Hydrate, eat, sleep, clean up, get fresh air, remember the things outside of all this. There's plenty to do outside of this fandom, and what you can do here can wait. There is no pressure, or obligation. Not for the content you create, not for the discussions you bring, not for responding to discourse, not for anything. Fandom is meant purely for fun, so take care <3
Interacting with people outside of the fandom:
This is something that I've seen a bit of talk about, and I thought I'd drop in my own thoughts on this as well. No matter the differences, we're all just trying to vibe, and I think these are important things to keep in mind to leave both sides better off:
Don't interact with hate posts. Just don't. You don't want to see them, they don't want to see you. Even if your response is lighthearted, their animosity is not. They will feel frustrated regardless, and the grudge will only grow. And if they're being agressive, calm discussion most likely won't happen even if you're being polite. Just leave it, please.
Correct misinformation calmly. I completely get how it can be frustrating to see blatant lies and all, but with our reputation, people will not listen if you're being antagonistic. Provide sources, explain, and leave it at that.
Don't be hateful, send death threats, or assume privilege or whatever else. That's stepping into the same shoes of the people you hate. Misunderstandings go both ways, and the fact of the matter is, I think most people who dislike DSMP, even the ones who are agressive about it, don't have their stance rooted in maliciousness. To expand on why the situation became what it is today, taken from a discussion on discord:
I think it's just a combination of Dream growing so insanely quickly + how internet spaces have changed over the years. When ccs like jackstepticeye or pewdiepie etc. grew popular, activism wasn't as prevalent and held to such importance. Now it's thankfully more talked about, but that also leads to Dream being more scrutinized in comparision. Add twitter trends and the general prevalence of the fandom, and you've got everyone feeling tired and frustrated and paranoid. People also tend not to fact check stuff, especially when it comes to celebrities and stuff they're not really interested in, so rumors spread fast.
And actually, I think there's absolutely valid reasons to be made uncomfortable by Dream SMP, either in it's creators, content or fandom, and there is, of course, stuff to criticise in general. The problem is the hate and misinformation and overexposure, but we are not going to solve any of that by being aggressive in return.
(This is, by the way, not talking about more serious cases. Like doxxing, or leaving gore images in hashtags, or similar instances. That's a whole different complicated issue that I don't feel qualified to tackle.)
And finally, don't overwhelm outsiders who merely mention the Dream SMP. Don't send asks asking them to watch it, don't write paragraphs explaining the lore, don't confuse them with inside jokes, just... Don't jump on people like that. Unless they're explicitly clear in wanting interaction and getting into the fandom, that kind of thing will just drive them away. This is in no way exclusive to the Dream SMP fandom, pretty much every fandom has people enthiastic to have more people involved, but since there are so unbelievably many of us, it's especially easy to go overboard with this stuff. Just... be polite, and don't pressure anyone. Be nice, please.
So.... ya! This would be it for this one, I think. Sorry that it's kinda long, thank you if you read it at all. Hope y'all have pleasant days ^^
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just-come-baek · 3 years
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body rhythm
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Pairing: Taeyong x reader | mentions of Seulgi x Irene | mentions of Johnny x almost everybody
Themes: smut | fluff | dance!au 
Word count: 14.8k
Summary: Taeyong and Seulgi participate in a nationwide dance competition. However, due to unfortunate scheduling, she has to drop out of it, suggesting you, out of all people, fill in. Taeyong isn't pleased with how things manage to fall out of place, but he is in no position to be whiny about it. For him, it's either learn to work with you or lose yet another time to his arch-enemy.
Warnings: a moderate amount of fluff | Johnny flirting with everybody in plain sight | Johnny stalks people out on social media | cursing | Doyoung being a huge dick | Doyoung flexing his hips | reader has inappropriate thoughts about Taeil | Taeyong being very demanding dance teacher | stressfull situations | drinking | reader is kind of bratty and Taeyong finds it really frustrating | frustrated/angry making out | as per smut | oral!female receiving | unprotected sex (never try it at home or else Imma tell your parents) | they kinda fuck in the open and kinda check our their refection in the mirror |
A/N it's my entry for song association event, I hope you like it, and also don't forget to check out other entries ^^ they must be all out by now lol
“Are you ready?” Johnny inquired as he set his fourth coffee of the day on his desk and plopped onto the swivel chair in a cubicle next to mine. It was a really long day at work, and we both had trouble sitting through the end of it. Heaving a deep sigh, I looked at the pile of documents that required my attention, groaning before I sprawled across my workspace.
“I thought it’s canceled tonight,” I spoke as I looked at my wristwatch, wincing when I realized there was still one more hour until Johnny and I could finally clock out.
A few months ago, our lovely firm, instead of giving us a well-deserved raise, had decided to provide us with a variety of extra activities. Though I’d rather get some monetary benefits, together with Johnny, we chose dance classes. Our company was paying for it, so we might’ve as well attended.
Ever since then, every Thursday, we would go to a dance class to sweat out all of the pent-up frustration. I didn’t have plenty of expectations, still bitter after the company’s decision, but the dance class turned out amazing. Seulgi was our teacher, and although she was a bit demanding, she was patient enough to teach us some sick moves. If that didn’t scream talent™, I had no idea what did.
“Well… last week, she said she might be absent today, but I got a text from school that someone will fill in,” Johnny spoke matter-of-factly. I sighed, checking my phone, reading the same text message from the studio. I really didn’t have energy for dance classes, but there was no way Johnny would let me skip.
“Do you want to grab a drink after? I think I need one, or a few,” I proposed as I sat back in my chair, trying to let my eyes rest from the computer’s screen.
“Does a bear shit in the woods?” Johnny asked rhetorically, smiling at me as if I just read his mind. It was almost Friday at this point, and we deserved a little treat.
Though it felt like an eternity, the clock finally struck 5 p.m., letting us leave our claustrophobic cubicles. Tomorrow we would come back for another dose of torture, but right now, we were free. Only for a few hours, though.
Quickly, I returned home to get my gym bag. Thankfully, I lived within walking distance from both – my office and the dance studio, so it wasn’t as troublesome to commute as it was for Johnny, who got stuck in traffic almost every day.
A few minutes before the dance class, I was already changed into my gym attire, waiting for Johnny. Though no one was texting me, I stared at my phone, furiously typing away. Moon Taeil, also known as my secret crush, was leaning against the wall on the other side of the corridor, and I tried every single trick my mind could come up with not to look desperate.
“At this point, he must think you hate him,” Johnny commented as he conjured in front of me out of nowhere. “You should hit on him instead of trying to bolt every time he approaches you,” he added, and I rolled my eyes at his yet another one shitty advice.
“Can you remind me why I don’t take dating advice from you?”
“Why are you attacking me? I just wanted to help. There’s no need to get so aggressive,” Johnny defended his case, not really answering my question. Johnny was a self-proclaimed love expert, but to me, he was more of a pathological playboy. Either way, he seemed to understand the secrets of flirtation to pick up girls whenever he set his mind to it.
“I am just trying not to be obvious,” I commented, stealing a glance at Taeil. It was a silly crush, and though Johnny encouraged me to go for it, I never decided to act on my feelings. Taeil probably didn’t feel this way about me, so remaining idle actually saved me embarrassment after an inevitable rejection.
“Speaking of which, I figured out why Seulgi is so resistant to my charms,” Johnny announced proudly, and I raised my eyebrow, waiting for the big reveal. Everybody in our group knew that Johnny was attracted to Seulgi, but every time he tried to approach her, she would brush him off.
“By figured out, you mean you stalked her, right?” I commented when Johnny handed me his phone, showing me Seulgi’s profile. According to what Johnny dug out in social media, Seulgi was getting married to Irene – her girlfriend of five years. “Huh,” I mused as I gave him back his phone, trying not to laugh at him. Seulgi was already madly in love with someone else, no wonder she could resist his charm.
“Call it whatever you want,” Johnny started, putting his phone away. “Just don’t hold me down when FBI finally recruits me for my impeccable detective skills,” he argued, and I laughed as I imagined him leaving our lovely company. That would be a shame; I couldn’t imagine anyone else sitting in the cubicle next to mine.
“The room should be open,” someone hollered, mentioning for us to open the doors and get inside. I had seen him a few times around the school, so I deduced he must’ve been our substitute teacher today.
Once everybody took their spot on the dance floor, the man cleared his throat. “Hello everybody, my name is Taeyong. Together with Seulgi, we run this school, and I hope we will have a lot of fun today with new choreography,” he announced politely with a practiced professionalism. Perhaps Taeyong didn’t seem as cool as Seulgi, but we had to give him a chance to prove us wrong.
Taeyong was intimidating. I wouldn’t want to be left alone with him. When he showed us a few moves, he was immensely focused on delivering one hundred percent. It was impressive and admirable, but at the same, Taeyong gave off a scary fierce aura. Though he was a great dancer and teacher, Seulgi was just better.
“I think I have a heart attack,” I panted, gasping for air. The new choreography required lots of jumping, and I didn’t expect so much cardio today. I wasn’t out of shape; however, after dancing to Taeyong’s choreography, I had some doubts.
“We should’ve skipped,” Johnny commented, bending over with his palms on his knees, supporting his huge body. Taeyong’s dance routine was too much for us, and we weren’t the only people struggling to breathe. Thankfully, next week Seulgi would be back.
***
“You’re not gonna believe this,” Johnny announced, craning his neck to look inside my cubicle. Heaving a sigh, I put my pen down, giving him my full attention.
This better be good.
“What is it? Who are you stalking this time?” I inquired, giving him the attitude. Johnny was spending too much time on his phone during working hours, but I couldn’t really frown upon it because I often caught myself doing the same thing.
“First of all, I thought we agreed to call it researching, not stalking,” Johnny clarified, and I rolled my eyes. “And second of all, it’s Seulgi. She and the other guy from the dance studio qualified for some dance competition. Check this out,” Johnny explained, handing me his phone.
Seulgi and Taeyong rocked the stage. Though I had nothing to compare their performance to, they just oozed charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent. Without any shred of doubt, they would make it to the grand finale.
“Wow,” I mused, not sure how to appropriately respond. I was happy for their success; after all, their performance was broadcasted during prime time on national television. At this point, Seulgi and Taeyong were celebrities.
“I can’t wait for today’s class,” Johnny added in excitement, hiding his phone away inside the pocket of his jacket. “I have to congratulate her.”
“Them. You have to congratulate them,” I corrected Johnny as he seemed to forget about Seulgi’s dance partner. It wasn’t a solo competition, so both Seulgi and Taeyong deserved praise. “And as if you’ve forgotten, Seulgi is not and will never be interested in you. You gotta let this one go, man,” I added, hoping Johnny would stop his relentless flirting with Seulgi. Though it was funny at the beginning, it was evident Seulgi would appreciate it if he stopped.
“I am all over her. Trust me,” Johnny reassured me, and I let out a shallow sigh, wanting to believe him. “Do you know Wendy from the HR department? I think I’m gonna ask her out. I am all over Seulgi,” he added, and it actually convinced me. Although Johnny didn’t seek anything serious at this point in his life, and when something didn’t go according to his plan, he would shake it off and forget all about it.
“Ok, I believe you,” I said, giving him a genuine smile. “Oh, and I was thinking… how about some beer and chicken after dance classes today? I’ve been craving them the whole day,” I offered, and Johnny enthusiastically nodded. It did sound like a solid plan.
Thankfully, this week Seulgi was back, and everybody appreciated it. Taeyong was a great teacher, but we were a group of beginners, and it was difficult for us to follow his routine. We just weren’t ready for such complex choreography.
Everybody had so much fun today. At first, we practiced some old routines, working on synchronization. Later on, Seulgi taught us a few new moves, which I recognized from her television performance. Admittedly, they weren’t as difficult as they looked. Maybe it was a little bold of me, but I was thinking I was doing a pretty good job today.
At the very end of the class, Johnny delivered a dramatic congratulatory speech, making people laugh out of utter cringe. It was a nice gesture, and Seulgi’s embarrassment was adorable. She would cover her blushed cheeks and turn around, hoping the ground could swallow her up. In all honesty, it seemed to be the only way to shut up Johnny.
Just when we were about to be dismissed, I heard someone calling my name. Surprisingly, it was Seulgi. She must’ve wanted to discuss something with me. Damn it, was she going to scold me for not improving? Or was it because I sat half of the song out? I just needed a short break; I had no idea it would get me in trouble.
“I am sorry,” I apologized even though I wasn’t sure what for yet. Seulgi would enlighten me in a second, so I cleared my throat to apologize to her once again. However, when she giggled instead of yelling at me, I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.
“I’ll wait for you outside,” Johnny hollered before he strolled out of the practice room.
“Am I in trouble?” I asked, and Seulgi smiled, shaking her head.
Great, it was a relief.
“Actually, I may sound crazy to you,” she started, fidgeting a little. It was strange, Seulgi was a strong and confident woman, but right now, she seemed rather bashful. “Would you like to participate in a dance competition?”
Her question took me aback.
“What?” I asked, trying to wrap my head around the topic.
“Let me explain,” she offered, and I reluctantly nodded.
By the look on her face, I could tell it wasn’t going to be a quick chit-chat. Seulgi had a lot of things to explain, so we decided to sit on the floor before she began her speech.
Patiently, I listened to everything she wanted to tell me.
Seulgi and Taeyong wanted to participate in a dance competition ever since they had decided to open up a dance school together. Last week they really thought they were going to achieve their dream. Unfortunately, as soon as they qualified and received the schedule, complications started to follow.
Maybe it was a little bit overconfident of them to think they’d make it to the finals, but it still made them anxious. Regardless of their talent, they wouldn’t be able to perform in the grand finale. Apparently, on the very same day, Seulgi was getting married.
At first, I wanted to interject that they could reschedule, but Seulgi beat me to it.
“It would be the third time we reschedule it, and I just can’t let that happen. I don’t want Irene to think I prioritize dancing over her. She means the world to me, and I’d quit a thousand times to get married to her,” Seulgi confessed, and I tried my best to contain my feels. There was something raw and pure about Seulgi’s love, and it moved me.
Seulgi’s proposition was genius in its simplicity. Together with Taeyong, she would perform, climbing up the rankings. And if by any chance, they would make it to the final round; she wanted me to fill in. Given I had been dancing at their studio for about four months I couldn’t comprehend why she chose me.
I was a rookie, for crying out loud!
Finding a substitute dancer made a lot of sense, actually. Instead of dropping out, they could find a replacement. This way, Taeyong could still make his dream come true. And next year, together with Seulgi, they could try to defend the title.
However, once again, Seulgi read my mind and answered my question before I voiced my doubts. She must’ve really thought this through before approaching me. It seemed she had rehearsed all possible inquires and came up with perfect answers.
“All of our dancer friends either compete against us or failed during qualifications,” she declared, and I hummed in response. “Unfortunately, people who already attempted joining can’t fill in for other dancers.”
“That sucks,” I commented, and Seulgi dryly chuckled.
“I think you would be a perfect fit,” she started, and I held my breath, wanting to hear what made her think I’d be able to rise to the challenge. “Everybody can memorize moves, but you have a natural passion for dancing. I can see it in class. Maybe you can’t see it yet because dancing is a hobby to you more than anything else, but I can tell you have the it™ factor.”
I was speechless. Seulgi, the dance prodigy, was praising my dancing skills. I couldn’t believe my ears. What kind of self-indulgent dream was it? Why couldn’t I dream like a normal person? I had tendency to toot my own horn sometimes, but it was just too much.
“I bet with proper training, you and Taeyong could win.”
“Let me think about it, okay?”
“Sure, of course! No pressure!” Seulgi replied enthusiastically, giving me enough space to clear my mind and think about it.
“See you next week.” I waved at her, exiting the dance room. Absentmindedly, I changed out of the gym clothes and walked out of the building, almost walking past Johnny.
“Hey, what did Seulgi want?” Johnny asked, grabbing my wrist, pulling me out of trance.
“She wants me to dance in her place if she and Taeyong ever make it to the finals.”
“What?!”
 ***
At first, I was hesitant about this whole thing. I wasn’t a professional dancer, and I really didn’t want to contribute to them losing the competition. However, Seulgi really made a point that they would have to drop out anyway, so in some twisted way, my participation gave them a slimmer of hope for victory.
Once I explained everything to Johnny, he really insisted I should help them out, spitting nonsense about fame and recognition and how I couldn’t doubt myself and just go with the flow. Opportunities like this rarely occurred, and I ought to welcome them with excitement.
So I did.
Every Saturday and Sunday, I dropped by the dance studio for practice. Taeyong still intimidated me, but I could deal with it. Seulgi was always around me to nag him whenever he demanded too much from me. They balanced each other very well, and it was fun working with them. Even though each practice left me with sore muscled, I was still excited. It was tangible proof I was improving.
Seulgi and Taeyong smoothly went through the contest, winning each battle with ease, slowly climbing in the ranking. There was still plenty of work until the grand finale, but everything looked they were to make it to the very top.
Unfortunately, the closer to the D-day, the less time Seulgi had to help us during practice. With her wedding coming up, she had a lot of preparations to deal with. As a result, Taeyong and I had to practice the dance routine on our own.
“No, you’re doing it all wrong,” Taeyong yelled in irritation when for the nth time, I turned to my right instead of my left. “Do it again; five, six, seven, eight,” he added, playing the song from the very beginning.
To say I was frustrated was an understatement of the century. I was aware that Taeyong really wanted to win the competition, but he didn’t have to be a dick about it. With no Seulgi to supervise him, he was unbearable.
“I think I need a break,” I declared once I turned to the wrong side again before Taeyong managed to scold me for it. Even though he shouted something again, I ignored it. With a deep sigh, I walked over to my gym bag to get my water bottle.
“What do you think you’re doing?” Taeyong asked, staring down at me with his arms folded across his chest, his demeanor dominant. His eyes were drilling holes in my head, his jaw was tightened – it was evident I was driving him up the wall. It was just a matter of seconds before Taeyong would snap, lashing out at me.
“I am taking a break,” I answered quickly, ignoring his angry stare. I was at my limit. If Taeyong didn’t back off, it would be the end of the practice for today. One more mean word and I’d storm out of the studio. I was here voluntarily. I was doing him a favor, and I didn’t deserve this type of treatment.
“Is it a joke to you?” Taeyong carried on, and I rolled my eyes. Of course, it wasn’t a joke to me. But at the same time, I was sick and tired of his shenanigans. I wanted him to win, but not when my mental health was on the line. He was pissing me off, and I wouldn’t let him walk all over me. “I thought you decided to help us out, but you’re not trying at all.”
He did not just say that.
“What?” I rhetorically asked, standing up, poking his chest with my forefinger. “I am trying my best here. You’re the one who makes it impossible to have fun dancing. You’re making it a chore, sucking all the fun out it.”
“Then tell me what I should do for you to finally make some progress? We’ve been stuck at this part for two weeks, and you still haven’t learned how to turn right!”
“Then go ahead and find someone else who can put up with your shit. I’m out,” I spoke, bending down to pick up my stuff, ready to leave the studio. Unfortunately, before I managed to exit the practice room, the doors opened, and Seulgi walked in with a confused expression on her face.
“Hey, what’s going on here?” She asked in worry, trying to put two and two together. It wouldn’t be the first time Taeyong and I argued, but it seemed to be the most intense one so far. It didn’t sit right with her. “Please don’t tell me you fought again.”
Briefly, I summarized what happened, and Seulgi looked down at Taeyong disapprovingly. I was glad Seulgi took my side; after all, she knew Taeyong could be too demanding.
“I am a dancer, but why does it feel I am a couple counselor? You two really have to learn how to work together when I’m not around,” she scolded us, making her point. If this whole arrangement was to work out, we both needed to establish some ground rules and learn how to put our differences aside. “I have an idea.”
Oh, no.
There was something mischievous in her tone, and I didn’t particularly like it.
“Let’s finish for today,” she proposed, and I smiled, thinking it was a great idea. Taeyong and I needed some time to chill, and calling it a day seemed like an appropriate way to do it. “Let’s go out clubbing instead!” Seulgi added cheerfully, clapping her hands in excitement.
“What?” Taeyong and I asked in unison, a bit surprised by Seulgi’s statement.
“That’s my prescription for the two of you,” she started, and I rolled my eyes. Taeyong and I didn’t get along as well as she wished for us to, but it wasn’t that bad. We didn’t need to bond over a few drinks in a crowded club. We would do just fine if Taeyong learned to go easy on me. “I believe we all can benefit from clubbing.”
“How come?”
“First of all, it will remind Taeyong that dancing is about fun, not overworking oneself,” Seulgi spoke, and I hummed, agreeing with her. “Second of all, it’ll give you a chance to loosen up. Your moves are still a bit stiff during intimate parts of the choreography,” she added, and Taeyong nodded in agreement. “And I really need something to drink because wedding planning is stressful as fuck.”
Not even thirty minutes later, we were inside the club.
“It’s a very sensual song. And you two really have to work hard to convey emotions through your dance,” Seulgi started as she sipped her tropical cocktail. “You must feel comfortable around each other and just ooze longing and sexual attraction,” she added, and I almost choked on my drink.
Performing with Taeyong was going to be more difficult than I had anticipated. When Seulgi and Taeyong showed me the choreography, I was amazed. Absolutely blown away. The way their bodies moved in synchronization left me speechless, but at the same time, I was a little bit nervous because I didn’t see myself living up to their level.
I wouldn’t consider myself particularly sexy. It made me feel awkward when I thought how seductive the dance routine actually was. I wasn’t sure I could pull this off, but Taeyong still had a lot of time to teach me.
“Take her to the dance floor,” Seulgi elbowed Taeyong, almost spilling his drink. Unenthusiastically, Taeyong looked at me before standing up and extending his arm.
Drunken people were jumping around us to the rhythm, and I awkwardly swayed from side to side, staring at Taeyong. With godlike precision, he moved, getting lost in the music. One could tell straight away Taeyong was a professional dancer.
Upon noticing how stiff I was, Taeyong shook his head, yanking me against his lean body. “How about you take a five-minute break to get that stick out of your ass? You look like you have no joints,” he yelled into my ear, his breath tickling my sensitive skin.
“I’ve had too little alcohol,” I replied, but Taeyong wasn’t having it.
“When we perform on the stage, will you need alcohol to let loose too?” Taeyong challenged with a playful smirk, and I rolled my eyes, too prideful to admit he was right. I couldn’t participate in that competition drunk. We wouldn’t win if I wasn’t able to come out of my shell and show everybody I had a sensual bone in my body.
“No,” I yelled into Taeyong’s ear. “How do I let loose?” I asked, hoping to hear some words of wisdom from him.
“Mirror what I’m doing,” Taeyong guided, and I nodded, focused on my new task. I could do that. I had been mirroring Seulgi’s movements during our classes, and I was pretty good at doing it. I could copy Taeyong’s moves.
At first, Taeyong danced a few classic moves we usually did during our warm-up routine. It was easy, and I think I nailed it. Later, he wiggled his upper body, feeling the rhythm. With envy, I observed how his body executed every single move, owning it. I wish I was half as good as Taeyong. Next to him, I probably looked like a crippled kid.
Upon noticing my struggle, Taeyong began jumping around, throwing his hands in the air. He looked ridiculous, but I remained focused on my task, dancing as if I was his shadow. Our bizarre moves earned some attention from other people, but our eyes were trained on each other, slowly getting lost in our own bubble.
I was sober, and I was on my way to owning the dance floor. I couldn’t believe it was happening. Maybe Taeyong’s charisma overshadowed my poor attempts of showcasing mine; however, I was sure I made a big step in the right direction. Slowly, I was improving.
“How about we spice it up a little bit?” Taeyong shouted into my ear, and I cocked up my eyebrow, thinking what he meant by that. “Don’t be shy,” he added, yanking me against his body. Taeyong was so close I could feel his legs rub against mine. “Come on, sweetheart. Touch me, tease me, feel me up,” Taeyong snickered, getting on my nerves. Not only Taeyong was smug for no reason, but he also quoted the song, which I was slowly growing to hate.
Taeyong must’ve assumed I’d back out. Surely, he didn’t expect me to follow his instructions and actually run my hands across his chest, shoulders, and back while simultaneously swaying my hips, earning approving stares from impressed men on the dance floor. At first, he was surprised he talked me into it, but a second later, he smirked, resting his palms on my sides, slowly exploring the valley of my butt.
I had no idea I had it in me, but Taeyong helped me discover it. We were basically grinding against each other, and it somehow didn’t feel awkward at all. We were just two people having fun.
“I’m sorry I was so harsh on you,” Taeyong apologized, shouting in my ear. “I’m just stressful all the time, and I think I may sometimes take it out on you,” he added, and I looked at his face, which was dangerously close to mine.
“It’s understandable,” I replied as I wrapped my arms around Taeyong’s neck, finding it much more comfortable. Now with our bodies pressed together, it was easier to have a conversation. “I know how much you want to win this competition. I’ll try harder,” I promised, and Taeyong released a relieved chuckle.
Who would’ve thought an adult conversation would work better than shouting at each other?
“Thank you,” Taeyong spoke genuinely, and I pulled away, staring at his face. His eyes were trained on mine. No matter how many hours we had spent at the dance studio, his gaze still intimidated me sometimes.
“Ekhm, I need a break,” I said in a desperate need to break eye contact with him. The dance floor was crowded, and it was making me dizzy. I was getting dangerously hot, and it seemed like heaven to get back to our booth and finish our drinks.
“Of course, you need a break,” Taeyong teased, sending me a lopsided smirk. “It’s okay, though. We still have plenty of time to work on your stamina,” he added as he grabbed my hand, leading me out of the crowd. Carefully, we zigzagged around drunken people, trying to make it safely to Seulgi.
Unfortunately, by the bar counter, someone walked into Taeyong, almost knocking him down.
“I’m very sorry,” a man shouted, but I could sense the words weren’t genuine.
“Doyoung,” Taeyong spoke, gritting his teeth, staring at the other man. Taeyong’s grip tightened around my hand. I figured he didn’t particularly like Doyoung.
“Taeyong,” Doyoung sighed, checking Taeyong out from head to toe before his gaze shifted to me. There was something spiteful about his lingering eyes, but I couldn’t pinpoint it. For sure, there was some bad blood between two men, and I suddenly felt an urge to know more. Inquisitiveness got the best of me.
Taeyong and Doyoung kept glaring at each other almost as if it was a competition. The tension was so intense one could cut it with a knife. I cleared my throat in a poor attempt to break their stare contest, but they didn’t even acknowledge my presence.
“I saw your last performance,” Doyoung finally spoke, scoffing. “You’re getting out of it, and here I expected to kick your ass in the finale. I wouldn’t be surprised if you and your partner got eliminated next week.”
I thought I had seen Taeyong furious, but right now, I was proven wrong. The way he looked at me whenever I was a handful during our practice was nothing compared to the way he glared at Doyoung. Taeyong was scary, and I decided to not get on his wrong side ever again.
“I’d gladly kick your ass here, but I’d rather wait for the finale. You know what people say about prolonged gratification,” Taeyong talked back, and I gasped, trying to comprehend what I just heard. Taeyong was getting cocky, and it made me nervous. I was already stressed about the possibility of performing, and he just added more pressure on my shoulders.
“We’ll see about that,” Doyoung replied, focusing his scrutinizing gaze on me. “But I have to say I kinda look forward to seeing you cry again. The way I beat you the last time was spectacular.”
“Let’s go, Taeyong. Don’t waste your breath on him. He’s not worth it,” I exclaimed, pulling Taeyong’s hand, reminding him I was there the whole time. I couldn’t listen to Doyoung talk trash about Taeyong. If Taeyong wasn’t going to walk away by himself, I had to intervene and pull him aside. Doyoung was provoking him.
“And who is that?” Doyoung asked in a mocking tone, displeased by the way I looked at him. Though I didn’t know the back story, I took Taeyong’s side. At least, Taeyong didn’t try to humiliate his rival, while Doyoung had already tried a few tricks to tick Taeyong off.
“You’re right,” Taeyong said, looking at me. It was evident he was holding himself back, trying his best not to take the bait. “Let’s go,” he added, pulling me away from Doyoung.
“Who was that?” I asked as we approached our booth. Unfortunately, I didn’t get my response. Upon arrival, we noticed that Seulgi was sprawled on the table, giggling to herself.
“Is she always like this?” I inquired, concerned about how drunk Seulgi got in such a short amount of time. We were gone for thirty minutes tops, and she was barely conscious after drinking her and our drinks.
“Aww… there you are… my dear friends,” she cooed cutely, trying to attack Taeyong with cuddles. She was adorable, but it was kind of irresponsible to drink by herself when we were on the dance floor. Thankfully, nothing happened. We returned just in time to collect her and escort her home.
“I can’t believe my plan worked,” Seulgi grinned, pointing her finger at Taeyong. “You no longer have a stick up your ass,” she exclaimed at Taeyong, too drunk to realize she should be talking to me. “And look at you! You were having fun!” Seulgi yelled, extending her arms to hug me. “I am so proud of you!”
“I should take her home,” Taeyong reasoned, considering it the safest option. He could call an Uber for Seulgi or just phone her fiancée to pick her up but bringing her home himself seemed to be the most rational solution. “Will you be alright by yourself?” He inquired, and I nodded right away. It was sweet of him to look after me too. Thankfully, I barely touched my cocktail; I could get home safely on my own.
“Don’t worry about me,” I replied casually, sending him a reassuring smile. “Just make sure Seulgi makes it home safe,” I added, warming up at the way Taeyong hauled up Seulgi, carefully leading her out of the club. It made me wonder if Johnny did the same to me. Probably. He wouldn’t be that gentle, though. If anything, he’d throw me over his shoulder like a bag of potatoes. Or just drag me out like a corpse.
“Give me a call once you get back home,” Taeyong demanded before we parted ways.
 ***
“You went clubbing without me?” Johnny dramatically asked after I told him everything that happened on the weekend. Despite my detailed narration, it seemed as if that was the only thing he caught on to. “How could you?”
“Relax, dude,” I rolled my eyes, shuffling around my desk, getting ready for work. It was Monday morning – it was about time we start our gossip routine.
“And I was wondering… would you mind helping me researching this shady dude? There’s some conflict between him and Taeyong. And I need to know what happened,” I started, wondering if Johnny would cooperate with me and put his stalking abilities to good use.
I was too embarrassed to ask Taeyong about Doyoung. Besides, I had a hunch he would either brush me off or scold me.
“Do you know anything about this dude besides his name?” Johnny pulled out his phone, no questions asked. “Please, don’t tell me that’s the only thing you know.”
“I mean… he’s probably a dancer,” I added with a sheepish smile, making Johnny heave a deep sigh. “He must be a big deal, though. Apparently, Taeyong lost a competition to him.”
“I’ll try to find some dirt, but it may be difficult given how little info you gave me,” Johnny declared as he began his thorough research.
It took Johnny five minutes to find the correct Doyoung. It was remarkable. If it wasn’t enough for the FBI to hire him, I’d gladly present them a recommendation letter. Quickly, I opened Doyoung’s profile on my phone, scrolling through his feed.
At first glance, Doyoung seemed to be a regular bratty internet star with an overgrown ego. His follower count was impressive. Studying his profile, I learned a lot about him. Unfortunately, it had no value. There was nothing specific about his conflict with Taeyong.
“How was your date with Wendy?” I asked Johnny as I gave up on my research. Whatever was the root of their bad blood would have to remain a mystery.
“It was fine,” Johnny started, but I could tell he wasn’t entirely honest. His disappointed tone betrayed him. “She left before the waiter brought the dessert. Apparently, she didn’t particularly like when I kept calling her Wanda.”
“Ouch.”
“No hard feelings, though,” Johnny shrugged it off, trying to focus on the positive aspect of their terrible date. “At least, I’ve had two slices of cheesecake. Besides, I’m kind of into Sooyoung from the creative team now. I think she is the one.”
“Every girl you’re into is the one,” I interjected, rolling my eyes, done with his antics.
“Oh, by the way, I’ve forgotten,” Johnny chimed in, staring at me in excitement. “Taeil asked me about you,” he revealed, and I almost spat out my morning coffee.
“What?”
“Are you still into him, though?” Johnny inquired, rubbing his temple in deep thought. “I haven’t heard you gush about him these days,” he pinpointed, and I wondered if my crush on Taeil was still as intense as it was a few months ago.
Taeil was insanely hot. I kept drooling whenever I saw him operate the printer. It was inappropriate to check him out whenever he bent down to change the ink, but I couldn’t help myself. Or whenever we met by the vending machine.
Good old times.
Right now, though, I rarely caught myself thinking about him. At first, I thought it was due to a hectic schedule. I was either at work or at the dance studio or getting shit-faced with Johnny on another wild adventure with him and his friends.
It was difficult to comprehend how easily my crush faded into thin air. Taeil was still sexy as fuck, but while I appreciate his looks, I wasn’t daydreaming how to get into his pants. At this point, I was just admiring his attributes in the most nonsexual way imaginable.
Apparently, the lack of response on my part was everything Johnny needed to confirm his suspicion.
“So what? Are you into Taeyong now?” Johnny asked boldly, and now, I actually choked on my coffee, thinking I heard him wrong. How did he jump to that conclusion?
“What?”
“Don’t get me wrong, but it kinda looks like you’re into him,” Johnny commented, playing with a pen. “You talk about him all the time with lots of passion. I think there’s something going on between you two. Is he single?”
“I talk about him all the time because I live to complain, and recently he’s the sole reason why I gotta vent,” I defended, but Johnny didn’t seem convinced. “And I don’t know if he’s single. I don’t really care,” quickly, I rejected all accusations, but in all honesty, his words got me wondering.
Was I attracted to Taeyong?
Surely, Taeyong was ridiculously attractive. He danced well, too. Unfortunately, we didn’t click much. There was passion between us, but it wasn’t romantically stemmed. We just kept annoying each other. I wouldn’t consider it sexual. We were just getting on each other’s nerves often, unable to properly solve our differences.
“Whatever helps you sleep at night, honey,” Johnny teased, and I fought the urge to throw the stapler at him. “I bet fifty bucks you’ve imagined him naked, fucking you dumb.”
What the fuck, John???
I did not imagine Taeyong naked!
Not until now, at least.
“I seriously hate you right now,” I complained, deciding it’s about time I focus on work.
 ***
After Johnny had planted naughty thoughts in my mind, each dance practice was unbearable. My mind was running wild, coming up with different scenarios involving Taeyong and me in intimate situations. It was wrong on so many levels, but I couldn’t bring myself to stop.
After months of practicing the dance routine, we decided it would be best to make some changes to the choreography. Though it was still sensual as hell, with our hands roaming each other’s bodies, we found it crucial to accentuate Taeyong’s talents.
It was a strategic plan. While typically male dancers helped the female dancers shine, we put a little twist to it. Though our performance was still pretty balanced, Taeyong had a few crucial parts of choreography, in which he would snatch everybody’s hearts.
Seulgi didn’t object to our strategy. Well… she was never there, to begin with. Seulgi was a ghost, never present during our practice, always busy doing some last-minute wedding prep.
“Let’s take a five,” Taeyong hollered as he turned off the music, sending us off to a short break. It sounded weird when it came out of his mouth, but I didn’t complain. We’ve been practicing nonstop for the past hour. At this point, I was panting.
Lying down onto the floor, I rested my head on my towel, reaching for my phone. Quickly, I unlocked it to see a series of notifications from Johnny. He had sent me a link to a video, telling me in all caps to watch it.
Having left the earphones in the locker room, I played the video quietly through my phone’s speaker. It was a short film with Doyoung. It must’ve been his performance from last year’s competition. Jamming to the music, I studied his moves.
Doyoung was really good. I mean… it wasn’t professional expertise, but I could tell he had talent. His body control was impeccable, his hip thrusts must’ve impregnated plenty of women in the audience, but his shoulder rolls were just otherworldly. Along with the female dancer, they showcased quite the performance. From the beginning to the very end, I couldn’t look away, failing to notice Taeyong approach me.
“What the hell are you doing?” Taeyong shouted, tearing my phone from my hand, double-checking what I was watching. “Why are you watching this?” He angrily asked, locking the device, wishing for it to stop playing music.
It was difficult to explain.
I couldn’t exactly tell Taeyong that I asked my best friend to do research on Doyoung in hopes of finding out what was the root of their conflict. Though we had never found anything substantial, Johnny would send me more footage to check out. However, regardless of how much stuff Johnny had provided me with, I was still clueless.
“Why are you shouting at me?” I spoke, biting on my bottom lip. I was in big trouble, so it was only logical to play dumb.
Taeyong stared down at me, demanding a genuine answer. His jaw was tensed, his knuckles around my phone turned white. It was just a meaningless clip, but it got him fuming at me. Regardless of what I’d tell him, he wouldn’t like the answer. I figured this much.
“Why were you watching that?” Taeyong yelled, raising his hand, almost smashing my phone against the floor. Thankfully, he held back and gently put it on my bag.
It was incredible how much the video affected Taeyong. The movie worked on Taeyong like a red rag to a bull. One moment he seemed fine, but once he figured out what I was watching, he snapped.
“You really want to know?” I challenged as I rose to my feet, staring at him. It was my turn to raise my voice. If he kept shouting at me, I was going to give him the same treatment. “Ever since that night at the club, I was curious. You were basically throwing daggers at each other, and I really wanted to know what happened between you two. You never bothered to explain it, and I didn’t want to push you.”
“Do you have your answers now?” Taeyong exclaimed, and I rolled my eyes, agitating him even more with my fed-up behavior. He was scary right now, but I refused to let him intimidate me. “Or do you want to read my diary too?!”
I resisted the temptation of saying yes to his offering. Taeyong wasn’t the type of person to write a dairy. He was exaggerating, but I didn’t want to provoke him further. At any mention of Doyoung’s name, wrath took control over Taeyong, turning him into his destructive self.
“If it makes you feel any better, I know shit about him,” I confessed, throwing my hands in the air. “I wanted to know what he did to you, but I came up with nothing. And believe it or not, the way he treated you that night made me worry. You’re my dance partner, and I care about you a lot, and it really hurt me seeing you in distress,” I spat, not thinking about consequences. I was talking without filter, probably spilling too much information.
My verbal diarrhea confused Taeyong. His huge eyes were staring at me in astonishment. He was studying my expression, wondering if everything I said was true. Oh, no! My reckless words made him uncomfortable. He must’ve grown to hate now.
In embarrassment, I looked down at my shoes. I felt terrible, and I needed to come up with something clever to say to save my dignity and ease the tension. However, before I managed to voice my sincere apology, I felt Taeyong’s hands cup my cheeks as he surged forward and kissed my breath away. It was sudden, but I reciprocated the kiss in an instant.
Stress, anxiety, anger, sexual frustration, and probably many other factors led us to this very moment. I had been daydreaming about Taeyong’s mouth on mine for a while now. And when it finally happened, I eagerly swept my tongue across his lips, deepening the kiss. Though I had tried my best to withstand the tension between us, I wasn’t oblivious to it.
Taeyong already knew almost every inch of my body, so his hands naturally began roaming across my skin. Moaning into the kiss, he held me closer, keeping me pressed against him.
“Taeyong,” I breathed out as I pulled away, only for Taeyong to smash his lips against mine again, successfully shushing me. This time around, the kiss was even more passionate, making my knees weak. In a rush, Taeyong pushed me against the wall, pushing his thigh between my legs. “We shouldn’t,” I spoke, but my tone wasn’t convincing at all. I wasn’t even sure who I was trying to convince that it was a bad idea.
“Shut up,” Taeyong demanded as he tilted his face, sucking on my bottom lip. His hands were on my butt, kneading my flesh, trying to make me moan into his mouth. In all honesty, it worked. Maybe, I whimpered incoherent sounds, but it’s was just a poor attempt to encourage him to keep kissing me.
Regardless of how much he was to gift me, I needed more. I wasn’t going to stop until I’d take everything Taeyong was willing to give.
I craned my neck to the side, and Taeyong quickly caught on, leaving a wet trail down my neck. His lips were delicate, careful not to leave a mark, while his hips were grinding against me, letting me feel how stiff he already was.
“Legs,” Taeyong ordered, gently slapping my thigh. Obediently, I spread my legs apart, letting his hand cup my sex. It was ridiculous how horny he was making me. Once his raspy voice echoed in my ears, I fulfilled his wish, waiting for another command in excitement.
“Please,” I begged, needing more of him. Whatever he planned on doing to me, I needed it now. Whether he was to tease me with his beautiful fingers or fuck me raw with his cock, he better do it now.
“Patience, sweetheart,” he whispered against my skin, pressing feather-like kisses along my collarbone. His touch was driving me insane. His hands were everywhere but where I wanted them the most. This type of teasing should be illegal.
It was more than I could take, so I took matters into my own hands. I could play this game, too. With a mischievous smirk upon my face, I hooked my forefinger under the band of his tracksuit bottoms. Unfortunately, Taeyong quickly swept my hand away.
“You’re such a bad girl,” Taeyong commented before he captured my lips again, sliding his tongue into my mouth, knowing I’d talk back to him. “You have to do everything your way. Would it kill you if you listened to me at least once?” Taeyong muttered, staring into my eyes.
Yes, I was a brat. Taeyong wanted me to submit to him, and I would do it eventually, but not before I’d tease him first. What was fun in that?
“Don’t answer that,” he added, and I rolled my eyes. Though we barely hung out outside the dance studio, Taeyong learned a lot about me. Having an answer to everything was one of those things he had the pleasure of discovering.
“Just fuck me, please,” I said nicely, staring into his eyes, hoping it would be enough to make him cave. “I can’t take it any longer,” I added, rubbing my loins against his restrained cock, making him let out a guttural moan.
My plan was working. Slowly, Taeyong was giving in, probably taking his time to think about the consequences of letting me experience instant gratification. Orgasm would’ve been sweeter if he made me wait a bit more, but it was difficult for him to control his urges.
Without any doubt, Taeyong wanted to bury his cock inside of me as much as I wanted him to fuck me dumb. We withstood so many practices without jumping at each other – I should consider it foreplay.
“Fine, but I’m gonna eat you out first,” Taeyong spoke, and I almost lost it by just imagining his jaw going between my thighs. Swiftly, he knelt in front of me, pulling my leggings down to my ankles in one fluid motion. Having kicked off my gym shoes, I wiggled the fabric off my feet, sending it flying across the dance studio.
Taeyong ran his fingers across my panties, inspecting how soaked they already were. With a smirk upon Taeyong’s face, he pressed a chaste kiss against my skin above the waistband before he yanked the undergarment down.
“Beautiful,” he said under his breath before he surged his face, taking my clit between his gorgeous lips, making me tilt my head in pleasure. Frustration got me sensitive. Even the slightest touch got me purring in delight.
Taeyong licked and nipped at my entrance, and I run my hands through his hair, encouraging him to keep going. He flicked his tongue, and I buckled my hips, wanting more.
“I need your fingers,” I pleaded, looking down at him. Taeyong looked breathtaking, with my juices were dripping down his sharp jaw, with his lips turned into a satisfied smirk. He was proud of how he was making me feel. His glistening skin was the very evidence of his skillful moves. “Taeyong, please, I am so close.”
Though I didn’t expect him to, Taeyong listened to my humble request. His middle finger slid right it, making me purr in satisfaction. I could finally feel him inside of me, and it was heavenly. His palm moved quickly, working me up.
The first orgasm was building up. Taeyong was fucking me now with two fingers while his mouth was fiddling with my clit. If it wasn’t for Taeyong’s palm, holding me still, I’d buckle right into his face for more friction.
“I’m about to come,” I declared, shutting my eyes close. As tempting as it was to peek at the mirror on the other wall and check out the view of Taeyong eating me out, it was more than I could take. My instinct to squeeze my eyes shut and welcome the orgasm was too much.
Unfortunately, it didn’t happen.
Before tiny tingles of electricity could unite and explode, shooting through me like a lightning strike, Taeyong pulled away, denying me of my orgasm. It physically hurt when instead of a blissful peak, I felt nothing.
“What the fuck?” I barked angrily, ready to pull him by his hair against my sex and press him against me, so he could finish the job.
“We’re coming together, or we’re not coming at all,” Taeyong sternly replied, standing up. His lips were swollen from all the work he was doing, and they looked even more kissable.
“I’ve never pegged you for such a teaser,” I stated matter-of-factly, still a little bit butt-hurt over the way how smug he was about not letting me come first. Maybe I was a handful most of the time, but I didn’t do anything wrong to deserve such treatment.
“I’m not,” Taeyong chimed in, biting down on his lip. “There’s just something about you that makes me want to punish for your misbehavior,” he explained, and I got it where it came from. I wasn’t the best student he could work with. “Isn’t it the sweetest torture?” Taeyong challenged before he surged forward, smashing his lips against mine again, raising my thigh and giving it a gentle rub.
“Please, Taeyong, I need you inside of me,” I begged as I ground my sex against his rock-hard cock. I couldn’t comprehend how self-disciplined and patient he was; his budge was throbbing underneath his pants. It must’ve been painful for him, and he did all of that to teach me a lesson. “Fuck me, already.”
“Relax, sweetheart. I got you,” he softly spoke as he hoisted me up, pressing me tightly against the wall. “To be honest, I expected you to lose it sooner,” Taeyong added, and I hoped he was talking about my sanity. I endured more than enough; his teasing was too much.
“How should I fuck you?” Taeyong asked, looking around the practice room, seeking a perfect spot to stuff his cock inside of me. We didn’t have a lot of options, but I didn’t care. He could fuck me in the middle of the room, and I’d eagerly spread my legs for him. “Screw it,” he cursed, gently lowering me down onto the floor. “Do you mind?” Taeyong inquired, and I shook my head as I wrapped my legs around his hips, pressing him against me.
“Strip,” I ordered, and Taeyong smirked before he pulled his T-shirt over his head, revealing his lean physique. My eyes marveled at his beautiful shoulders and toned muscles. I had touched him more than I could count, but I never saw him bare, and when I finally did, I gawked.
“What about you, sweetheart? Come on, I am waiting,” Taeyong teased, and I took off my T-shirt. I was only in my sports bra, and Taeyong bit his lip, staring down at me, admiring my simple beauty. With no further comment, Taeyong leaned in, attacking my collarbone. It was hot how attentive he was, but right now, all I needed was his cock buried deep down my cunt.
Desperately, I reached to his sweatpants, palming his erection through the fabric. As soon as I touched him, Taeyong released a needy growl, rolling his hips into my hand, finally giving in to the pleasure. He lost his self-restraint, and now, he seriously needed to fill me up with his throbbing length.
“Take them off,” I breathed out, pulling by the hem of his pants. With a lowered head, Taeyong tsked before he yanked them down to his knees, wriggling out of them. Just as I expected, his cock urgently entailed my attention.
Though the thought of blowing him crossed my mind, I eventually decided not to entertain this idea too much. It was apparent Taeyong wanted to him inside of my pussy. I’d suck him dry on a different occasion. Hopefully, it would happen soon.
“Fuck me, Taeyong,” I moaned as I trembled when the tip of his cock brushed against my folds. I was embarrassingly sensitive after his ministrations, and he dared to tease me again. “Please,” I begged as I gave his length a few gentle strokes, aligning it with my entrance.
“Aaahh…” Taeyong growled, slowly pushing his dick inside of me. Inch by inch, he filled me up, stretching my walls. A lot of different sinful noises came out of his mouth as he began steadily thrusting his hips.
Taeyong’s stamina was no joke. It was hard to believe how long he could snap his hips without messing up his rhythm. His low voice mixed with my desperate moans echoed inside the room, creating a wicked symphony along with the sound of our sweaty bodies smashing against each other.
He was fucking me hard, and I was in seventh heaven. Taeyong was filling me up so good; I could come undone on his cock anytime.
“Taeyong,” I moaned his name as I watched him fuck me. Though it was hot to look at his cock disappear in my pussy, it was even sweeter to stare in the mirror. With my head turned to the side, I studied the whole picture how Taeyong was fucking me.
“I am coming,” I screamed as I felt the bliss approach. Taeyong was panting, struggling to maintain his tempo with the way my walls tightened around his sensitive cock. Once he hit my sweet spot, I was a goner. After a few thrusts, I came, digging my nails in his back.
“Fuck,” Taeyong cursed, shouting my name as he shot his load inside of me, collapsing on top of me. We were a breathless mess, our bodies sticking together, but neither of us minded. At this point, we were too spent to care. “You were incredible,” Taeyong whispered as he pulled out, rolling to the side.
“You weren’t that bad yourself,” I panted, giggling, still recovering from the mind-blowing orgasm. Thankfully, Taeyong didn’t pay much attention to my playful jab. “I meant it what I said,” I added, turning around to look at him.
“I’m sorry for yelling at you,” Taeyong started, staring into my eyes, showing me his sincerity. “I just can’t help myself but get angry when I see him or hear about him,” he continued, and I nodded my head, letting him know I was willing to listen.
I didn’t expect that Taeyong would agree to vent to me, but when he did, I patiently heard him out. After all, I was pretty sure we were at least friends now.
“It all happened about a year ago. We were competing in the same contest, and he made my dance partner quit. Doyoung seduced her, toyed with her, and once the trophy was his, he dumped her. Because of him, I was disqualified, and she quit dance altogether.”
Listen to his story made me both sad and angry. Doyoung had been a dick to interfere like that – he must’ve known he hadn’t stood a chance against them in a fair fight. My blood was boiling in my veins as I put all the pieces together.
Sadness took over next. The way Doyoung had manipulated Taeyong’s dance partner was upsetting. The wound had been cut so deep, she couldn’t have forced herself to keep going. Doyoung had wrecked two lives, and it made my blood boil, too.
“We’re gonna beat him. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure we do,” I spoke, reassuring him. It was impossible to tend the wounds, but the least I could do is help Taeyong win. For what he had done, Doyoung deserved punishment. If I were Taeyong, I’d not hesitate to beat him up.
“I hope so,” Taeyong muttered, reaching for my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “It’s still fine if we don’t. I’m pretty sure karma will get to him eventually,” he added with a sigh.
“I’ll work harder,” I declared, feeling an extra wave of determination wash through me. “I’ll try my best,” I said, and Taeyong smiled fondly, content to hear me say it.
“Thanks. It means a lot to me.”
For a while, we were staring at each other. It felt nice and somehow more intimate than all the fucking we had done. If we were in bed, I could do it all night. Unfortunately, we were still lying on the uncomfortable floor.
“Let’s get washed up before we get too sappy,” I added, trying to ease the tension. I really enjoyed it, but it was getting a little too much.
“I hope you don’t mind sharing the shower with me. You know… water bills are a bitch,” Taeyong spoke, and I giggled at his bullshit excuse, finding it incredibly cute, considering what we had been doing a few minutes ago.
“Of course they are,” I deadpanned, chuckling. Though his excuse was lame, I liked Taeyong enough to go with it. “Come on. Let’s go. I don’t want anyone to catch me naked.”
 ***
After that one time at the dance studio, Taeyong and I made it a regular thing. However, we kept it civilized. We wouldn’t jump each other’s bones in the open like animals like we had done the first time. Usually, we would go on small kind-of-dates, which consisted of picking up food, going to my or his place, and then rolling in the sheets.
We were having lots of fun. It was a perfect way to de-stress. After all, the finale was this Saturday, and we were nervous as hell. In all honesty, I was still scared, but these orgasms were numbing my anxiety.
“I think that’s it,” Taeyong spoke, and I smiled brightly, unable to contain my joy. It was the first time Taeyong ever approved of our performance. Most of the time, he was nitpicking, complaining about the slightest mistake, but finally, he was satisfied with it.
I was ecstatic; I never expected to live up to Taeyong’s approval. Through hard work and persistence, I managed to earn his eulogy.
“What should we do now? How about we order some food?” I asked, feeling in a celebratory mood. Maybe it was a little bit too early to drink to this small success, but it’s still worth a shot.
“We should do it again. We should dance it flawlessly at least a couple of hundred consecutive times before celebrating,” Taeyong seriously replied, and I rolled my eyes. Despite his painstaking nature, a couple of hundred times, it was a bit too much. Even for him. “Don’t give me that look. Let’s start again; five, six, seven, eight.”
Though usually, I’d complain and try to force him into a five-minute break, right now, I was oddly energized. We were dancing for the past two hours, and I was panting out of exhaustion. Nevertheless, the thoughts of finally mastering the choreography kept me going.
“I’m pretty good at this,” I confidently commented while roaming my hands across Taeyong’s shoulders before he twirled me around to the rhythm. I could tell that Taeyong was just waiting for an excuse to pause the music and scold me for making a mistake. However, much to his dismay, I executed every move impeccably. “I had a pretty good teacher,” I added, stroking his ego. The D-day was approaching, and Taeyong obviously needed an extra boost of confidence.
“I must admit you were a piece of work. I have no idea what kind of sorcery is this,” Taeyong teased, staring into my eyes. We had practiced the routine plenty of times; we could probably perform it in blindfolds and not make a single mistake. “I must be a magician or something.”
“Don’t push it,” I warned him in a very non-threatening tone, making him smirk. “But it’s only partially your success. Seulgi told me I have the it™ factor,” I proudly said, cracking Taeyong up, messing the choreography. “Is it a student-has-become-the-master kind of moment?” I asked, laughing at Taeyong. For the dance prodigy, he was getting distracted way too easily. It was suspicious.
With a broad smile upon his face, Taeyong grabbed my wrists, making me look at him.
“How about we finish up for today? I have a surprise for you,” Taeyong said, and I cocked my eyebrows, biting my bottom lip. “Not that kind of surprise,” he added, rolling his eyes at me. “We might get it on later, though.”
“What kind of surprise then?”
“Wait a second,” Taeyong spoke, quickly jogging out of the practice room. In a minute, he was back with a garment bag in his hands. “Here, that’s for you. Seulgi came in the morning to drop it off for you,” he explained, and I pulled down the zipper. It was going to be my costume for the contest, and I was curious how it looked.
I was speechless. At first, I thought it was a joke. I wouldn’t be able to perform in that. However, the more I looked at it, the more sense it made. It was a simple white suit shirt, but when mixed with a leather body harness, high-waisted shorts, and boots, it fitted the concept beautifully.
“Do you like it? I thought it was too revealing, but Seulgi insisted you would look amazing in it. I mean… it fits the mood, but if you’re not comfortable with it, we still have some time to find something else,” Taeyong blabbered, and my heart swelled. It was very sweet of him to consider my comfort above anything else.
“It’s skimpy, but it’s fine. I like it,” I replied, having no idea where my confidence was coming from. A few months ago, I’d be anxious to even try it on in the confines of my bedroom. However, now I was planning on showing a lot of skin on national television during prime hours on the weekend. I must’ve gone insane.
“Do you want to try it on?” Taeyong challenged, pulling the hangers out of the bag.
“You mean… here?!”
“Come on, it wouldn’t be the first time you took off your clothes in the middle of the practice room,” Taeyong concluded, smiling at me mischievously.
“Pass,” I firmly rejected his dare, even though it felt tempting. “It’s not fun when I’m doing it alone,” I added, and Taeyong grabbed the hem of his T-shirt, more than ready to discard his clothes in a blink of an eye. “Don’t fool around,” I warned him, placing my hand over his before he managed to take his T-shirt off.
“You’re right. Let’s go to my place first,” Taeyong agreed, zipping the bag before he grabbed my hand, leading me out of the practice room.
 ***
 On the day of the performance, I woke up with a terrible stomach ache. No matter how much fantastic sex Taeyong and I had, I was not mentally prepared to perform in front of the whole nation. I felt sick, almost as if my body was telling me to quit before I’d embarrass myself on national television. Stress was eating me from the inside.
“What are you doing up so early? Let’s go back to bed,” Taeyong purred in his raspy morning voice as he sneaked his arm around my waist, pulling me against him. “You need to be rested before the performance. Trust me, you don’t want a camera to catch you yawning,” he added, nuzzling his nose in the crook of my neck, breathing hot air against my skin.
“Thanks for giving me one more thing to stress about,” I deadpanned, heaving a deep sigh, staring at the ceiling. It was a mistake. I should have never agreed to Seulgi’s proposition in the first place. What the hell was I thinking? “I think it’s a bad idea. We should quit.”
Taeyong wasn’t in the mood for my nagging so early in the morning; he was having none of it. “You’re being ridiculous. We’ve practiced so much. We’re gonna win it with ease,” he declared, pressing a featherlike kiss against my jaw. “But for real,” he added, climbing on top of me, trapping me between his thighs, “we’re going to win. And even if we don’t, it’s fine. Really, if somehow we lose to Doyoung and his partner, I’ll just punch him backstage.”
“How can you say that?” I said with a sigh, running my hands across his thighs, finding it rather calming. “I know you said we should rest, but how about…” I trailed, and Taeyong smiled before eagerly capturing my lips, reading me like an open book.
“Say no more,” Taeyong whispered before his hands traveled under my shirt.
Unfortunately, Taeyong’s phone started buzzing on the nightstand before he managed to pull my panties down. With a groan, he extended his arm, staring at the screen.
“It’s Seulgi.”
“What are you waiting for? It’s her wedding day. Pick it up,” I yelled at him as I fell on the pillow, admiring his handsome face when he was talking to Seulgi.
“Please, not you, too,” he barked, rubbing his face in annoyance. Though I barely could make out what she was saying, I figured this much Seulgi and I were suffering from the same stress-fuelled illness. It was her wedding day, after all. Even if it was obvious she loved Irene with a burning passion, she wasn’t immune to pre-wedding anxiety.
Seulgi was talking her stress away, and Taeyong just hummed and nodded his head, registering her words. For some reason, the pressure didn’t seem to bother Taeyong at all. It was weird, but at least he was the voice of reason, which could help me and Seulgi cope.
“Breath in, breath out,” Taeyong spoke when Seulgi made a pause long enough for him to interject. “I know it’s a big deal, but there’s nothing to worry about. You’re getting married to Irene. You love her so much,” Taeyong reminded her, winking at me, expecting Seulgi to end the call soon. “Everybody’s a little nervous; it’s completely normal.”
It was beautiful how close Taeyong and Seulgi were. They had each other’s backs in all types of situations.
About ten minutes later, Seulgi finally calmed down. Taeyong’s reassuring words swept the anxiety away, and she was more than ready to get married to the love of her life.
Once Seulgi hung up, Taeyong threw his phone on the bed and secured my legs around his hips before he leaned forward, giving me a quick kiss. “Seulgi says hi, by the way,” he added, sneaking his hand under the hem of my panties.
“What?”
“What do you mean what?” Taeyong looked down at me, creasing his eyebrows in confusion.
“She knows?” I yelled, unable to comprehend how, on Earth, Seulgi figured out I was in Taeyong’s bed. She couldn’t know. She wasn’t even there when our romance bloomed. “How?”
“Yeah, is it a bad thing, though? You didn’t want to fuck me in secret, did you?” Taeyong challenged, not really answering my inquiry. Did Seulgi figure it out on her own? Or did Taeyong told her about us? And, the biggest question mark was: what were we to begin with? “Seulgi must have some sort of sixth sense. She was bothering me about the sexual tension between us since day one of your training.”
“I wouldn’t call it sexual tension per se, but there was something going on,” I replied, reminiscing how rocky our beginning was. “But I think we were interrupted…” I reminded him, and Taeyong with a playful smirk on his face dived right between my thighs.
 ***
 The streaming should begin at 8 p.m., but we had to arrive before 5 p.m., so the make-up artists and stylists could prepare us for the performance. Sitting in that chair and waiting for all pampering to be over with was stressful as fuck. I tried to preoccupy myself with an idea of Taeyong, but whenever someone threw a question in my direction, I was being pulled out of my train of happy thoughts.
I wanted to get on the stage and be done with it. Unfortunately, whoever funded that contest didn’t think of the mental health of its participants when making today’s schedule.
Punctually, the show began its transmission at 8 o’clock. However, at the very beginning, the MC had to introduce all sponsors. Going through them took him about twenty minutes. Then, they interviewed some of the eliminated dancers, asking them questions either about their experience in the competition or simply who they thought would win.
Later, they decided to rewind the contestants’ moments in the show. At first, they showed Doyoung and his partner, and a few experts analyzed their performance, wondering what the odds of them winning were.
When the host announced the rewind of Taeyong’s and Seulgi’s stages, the jury only talked about the sudden switch up, confirming it was the first time it ever happened in the grand finale. It startled a lot of people why would Seulgi drop out, but Taeyong explained it in a brief interview.
“It was a crazy coincidence, but Seulgi couldn’t participate today because she is getting married today,” Taeyong revealed, and the audience cooed loudly, obviously supporting her choice. “I was stressed at first, but Seulgi found an amazing dancer to take her spot. She really chose well,” he added, and I looked at him, trying not to cry in front of everyone.
It was almost impossible to fish out a compliment from Taeyong during practice, but right now, he did it on his own accord, melting my heart with his words.
“Everybody is dying to know more about your partner,” the MC started, shifting his attention to me. I didn’t particularly like to be put in the spotlight, but before I managed to spit some nonsense, Taeyong butt in, rescuing the day.
“Although she doesn’t have much experience in dance competitions, I think she’s a great dancer. To think of it, she is my secret weapon,” Taeyong added, and I almost ran into his arms, feeling too overwhelmed by his speech.
“Alright then, let’s see what you got after a short commercial break,” the MC cheerfully announced before I bolted out of the stage as I felt the stress crept into my head.
“Calm down,” Taeyong softly spoke as he approached me, holding my hand, drawing circles with his thumb. “You’ve got this. Just focus on me,” he added, flashing me a reassuring smile before kissing my knuckles.
“Awww… isn’t it adorable?” Someone snickered, and I didn’t need to turn my head around to know it was Doyoung. He was like a venomous snake, trying to sneak into our subconscious and make us even more anxious. It couldn’t be fair play.
“Buzz off,” I barked as I didn’t want to let him tick Taeyong off. Taeyong was my safety pin, and I didn’t want him to go full rage on Doyoung. Their backstage battle would make it to the news, but I’d rather prevent it from happening.
“With Seulgi on your arm, I was giving you a five percent chance of winning,” Doyoung started, ignoring my warning. “Now, when she’s gone, I won’t even have fun beating you on the stage,” he added, and I almost surged forward to punch him. If it wasn’t for Taeyong, who held me in my place, I’d definitely rearranged Doyoung’s face.
“Don’t let him get into your head,” Taeyong whispered into my ear, and I nodded my head, sighing. Then, it struck me. Doyoung’s motive wasn’t to mess with Taeyong but with me. He knew I was the weakest link, and he wanted to guarantee his victory by making me doubt myself. His words rung in my head, but one look at Taeyong helped me relax. We had practiced it a thousand times; there was not a chance I would make a mistake.
“Come on. Let’s go. They’re calling us out,” Taeyong mused, pulling me towards the stage.
The silence filled the auditorium when we got on the stage, taking our respective places. I stole a glance at Taeyong – he was mouthing words of encouragement seconds before the MC announced our performance.
I can hear it callin'
Loving the way you wanna talk
Touch me, tease me, feel me up
Callin', something in the way you wanna talk
On two sides of the stage, we moved to the rhythm, telling the story of two strangers lusting over each other from afar. With hunger in our eyes, we tried to seduce each other with sharp movements, showcasing our attributes.
You got me sayin', you got me sayin'
How you doing? Tell me what's your name (Ey, tell me what's your name?)
What's your sign? Feeling like you are into me
Taeyong ran up to me like a man enchanted by the siren’s voice, rolling his body against mine. It was his moment to shine; everybody’s eyes were on him as he owned the stage with his overflowing charisma.
Baby, we're two distant strangers
I know you don't speak my language
But I love the way she's talking to me (Talking to me)
I can hear it callin' from where you are
Loving the way you wanna talk
Touch me, tease me, feel me up
Touch me, tease me, feel me up
It was a classic game of cat and mouse. Though our bodies were so close to each other, we moved in perfect synchronization, careful not to brush against each other. The chemistry between us was undeniable, and the feeling of yearning was visible from the very last row.
Max, max, max, we can have it all (To the max)
If you back, back, back, back, back it up (Back it, back it)I'll take you where you wanna, got the gas in the tank (Wow)
If you really wanna make it last (Git, git, git)
Finally, as the song slowly progressed to the end, we were showing intense frustration. We were portraying two individuals, yearning for intimate contact, who were hastily losing their minds over uncontrollable passion.
I can hear it callin' from where you are (Callin', woo)
Loving the way you wanna talk (Love the way you talk)
Touch me, tease me, feel me up (Yeah, yeah)
Touch me, tease me, feel me up
The song was to end soon. The last chorus rolled in – it was our cue. After all teasing, we finally made the connection, ready to combust out of raw craze. After three minutes of painful longing, we were to reach completion.
I can hear it callin' from where you are (Callin', woo)
Loving the way you wanna talk (Love the way you talk)
Touch me, tease me, feel me up (Yeah, yeah)
Touch me, tease me, feel me up
It was all or nothing. We were finally together, touching each other with fervor.  The audience was eating our performance up – particularly when Taeyong showcased his flexibility and body control.
Tell me how you like it babe (How you)
I don't even know your name (How you, ey)
I love the way you're talking to me
It was finally time to finish our performance with a bang; we needed to show something spectacular, something Doyoung wouldn’t ever think about. As the singer began the last verse, it was my cue to run into Taeyong’s embrace. The second the last syllable rolled of the singer’s tongue, Taeyong caught me in his arms, and the lights went out to add a dramatic twist to our performance.
For a while, the audience was silent. However, a few seconds later, they roared in excitement, clapping loudly, showing how much they enjoyed our stage.
The MC was congratulating us, but I was too thrilled to register his words. I still couldn’t believe I performed on national television and didn’t trip and smash my face.
I had no idea how I found myself backstage, but there was a high chance Taeyong led me off the stage. I was too overwhelmed to do it on my own.
I even forgot that Johnny, together with Yeri – the love of his week, had backstage passes. I only remembered that when he wrapped his arms around me in a bear hug, congratulating me.
“You gotta quit that office job and start dancing professionally,” Johnny ordered, and I smiled, glad that he enjoyed my performance. “We both gotta quit. You’ll be dancing, and I’ll be a badass FBI agent.”
“You two were great,” Yeri politely said when Johnny let me go. “Thank you so much for letting me backstage.”
“No problem,” Taeyong replied as he grabbed my shaking hands. “Are you okay?” He asked, cupping my face, making me look at him. “You rocked the stage,” he added before he leaned forward to peck my lips.
Ignoring Johnny’s perplexed expression, I wrapped my arms around Taeyong in a comfortable hug. I hadn’t suitably introduced Johnny to the concept of me dating Taeyong, but hopefully, our interaction got the message across.
Emotions were slowly fading away, but I still needed Taeyong’s support. I was a rookie, and I had no experience with this type of stress. Something was calming about Taeyong’s aura; I couldn’t pinpoint what exactly, but I wasn’t going to question it.
“Anticipation is killing me,” I muttered against his skin. “Can he already go on that fucking stage?” I yelled, wondering why Doyoung’s performance didn’t start yet. I knew the MC was building up tension, but it was too much for me to handle.
“We could always skip,” Taeyong casually spoke, and I pulled away to look at him. What the hell was he talking about? I hadn’t agreed to help him out, so we didn’t wait until the end. “If we lose, we lose. If we win, your friend can accept the prize, can’t he?”
“Are you insane?”
“Maybe a little bit,” he answered with a bright smile, brushing stray hair off my forehead. “I just want to know the result already so we can go to Seulgi’s wedding and congratulate them,” he added, and I nodded my head. Though we couldn’t participate during the ceremony, the least we could do was to show up ridiculously late to the reception.
“Can they hurry the fuck up now?” I craned my neck, trying to find Doyoung and his partner. They were arguing about something right behind the curtain. Everything seemed they weren’t in the right headspace.
“I don’t think I want to see their performance,” Taeyong whispered, tightening his grasp on my waist. “How about a quickie in the dressing room? What do you say?” He proposed, and I smacked him, telling him to behave. It was tempting, but we really shouldn’t. I wouldn’t walk up that stage with messed-up post-sex hair.
“Get a grip,” I added, gently elbowing him. “Let’s just hit the snack table. I am hungry,” I spoke, pulling him away when the MC invited Doyoung and his dance partner onto the stage.
While munching on snacks, we stared at each other fondly. In some weird way, we were helping each other cope with anticipation and stress. Though it was tempting to check out their performance, we decided it was for the better if we didn’t.
They performed to “Hips Don’t Lie,” and it was almost impossible to turn my head around to check out Doyoung’s sick moves. Having considered all the videos I had seen of him, I was sure he looked gorgeous.
“What about a little peek?” Taeyong questioned, unable to control his urge to see his rival’s performance. “I thought I could endure it, but I can’t,” he added, and I nodded, giving in. Instantly, we ran to the nearest screen to watch their stage.
It was everything I imagined. Their moves were executed with precision and grace, but entertainment-wise, I was bored. They had the skills, but something about the general concept didn’t fulfill my expectations.
No matter how great of a dancer Doyoung was, he just could not pull this song off as the original artist did. Regardless of how hard he swayed his hips, it just didn’t live up to its potential. Though I wasn’t educated enough to give an honest review, it felt meh.
The audience in the studio whistled and shouted once they finished their performance, giving them a round of applause. With genuine smiles, Doyoung and his partner bowed before they ran off the stage.
Now, only thirty minutes of aggressive advertising, and we would know the winner.
“Is it too late to agree to that quickie?”
“You should’ve said so earlier,” Taeyong answered with an innocent smile as he reached to hold my hand. “The best I can do is cuddles,” he added, leading me to the couch, letting me rest my head on his shoulder. “It feels nice.”
“It does, but it doesn’t take my mind off things like a quickie would.”
“Don’t even try. I am not going on that stage with a boner in my pants,” Taeyong warned, peeling my hand off his thigh, pressing a delicate kiss against my knuckles.
Though it wasn’t as preoccupying as sex, it was still nice. And most importantly, it took our minds off the unbearable anticipation. A staff member actually needed to gently shake Taeyong’s shoulder to remind us that the MC was calling us to the stage.
Taeyong’s hand didn’t leave mine once we were waiting for the big reveal. It was fine if we lost. Next year, Seulgi and Taeyong would definitely make it to the top.
When the MC announced the winner, a few confetti bombs exploded. The audience roared in excitement, but I had no clue what was going on. Uncertainty was over – one of us won.
Stress, anticipation, and anxiety slowed down my reactions. However, I figured it would be weird if Taeyong picked me up and spun me around in his arms if we lost. It could only mean one thing – we did it.
We won.
Taeyong’s acceptance speech was short and simple. He thanked everyone who succored him discover his passion for dancing, who supported him throughout his dream, who directly helped him get this far, and me.
When I was handed the microphone for the first time that evening, I basically rephrased Taeyong words. Maybe it wasn’t my dream, but it felt damn good to assist Taeyong in achieving his. It was a bumpy road, but overall, it was all worth it.
The MC handed me a statue after shaking my hand, congratulating me once more. Taeyong, on the other hand, was gifted a huge check for 20 thousand dollars.
“Let’s go,” Taeyong whispered to me, running off the stage with me.
 ***
It was shortly before midnight when the Uber parked in front of the hotel where Seulgi’s and Irene’s reception took place. It was beautifully decorated with lights and flowers, making it look like a magical castle.
Though the security didn’t want to grant entrance, one of Seulgi’s aunts recognized Taeyong and told the man to let us in. She was nice enough to help us out, but she still found some time to glance disapprovingly at my stage costume. I wouldn’t be surprised if she gossiped to her entire family I was a prostitute.
As soon as we walked into the ballroom, Seulgi noticed us. She was sitting by the table, eating the wedding cake with Irene. In an instant, she rose from her chair and ran up to us, throwing herself on Taeyong’s neck.
“You won! I knew it!” She shouted as she gave Taeyong a bone-crushing hug. “Irene and I sneaked out for a while to watch your performance. You smashed them,” Seulgi added before she turned to me, congratulating me too.
“You were amazing,” Irene approached us, sending a polite smile. Unlike Seulgi, Irene was much calmer and collected.
“You are finally married,” Taeyong spoke, beaming. “You better have everything recorded. I gotta know every embarrassing thing that I missed,” he added in a teasing manner, earning a playful jab from Seulgi. “I bet you cried during your vows.”
“Congratulations,” I chimed in, breaking their friendly banter before it properly started. It was Seulgi’s wedding day, after all.
After we caught up, Seulgi and Irene walked off to the dance floor, leaving us by the table alone. For a while, we admired them. They looked absolutely stunning in their white suits, dancing, basking in happiness.
“Do you know where the gifts are held?” I inquired suddenly, looking around.
“Why? Did you have time to get them anything?” Taeyong asked before he stuffed his mouth with a chocolate glazed strawberry. “Or are you thinking of stealing some?”
“I just want to give them my part of the prize,” I started, making Taeyong choke on the fruit. “Seulgi’s the rightful winner, and I think it’s only right.”
“Are you sure? It’s a lot of money.”
“Yeah, I know, but I really want to do that,” I replied, fiddling with my fingers. “I don’t need this money, so I want to give it to her.”
“You’re so hot right now,” Taeyong said, making me turn my head in embarrassment. “If that’s what you really want to do, do it. But remember, you earned it.”
“I am sure.”
“Then let me spoil you with my prize,” Taeyong offered, staring into my eyes. At first, I thought he was joking, but when his gaze didn’t even falter, I understood how serious he was. “Well… look at that. What are the odds?” Taeyong spoke as a familiar melody echoed within the walls of the grand ballroom. “It’s our song. Shall we dance?”
Having glanced at Seulgi, who whispered something to the DJ, I smiled at Taeyong. Though I was sick and tired of Love Talk already, it was kind of our song. We had been listening to this song too much, and regardless of how good it was, the prospect of it being our anthem terrified me.
“One last time,” I gave in, accepting Taeyong’s invitation, letting him lead me to the dance floor. Despite having mastered the choreography to it, I just wrapped my arms around his neck, slowly waltzing to it.
“That’s nothing like we practiced,” Taeyong pinpointed, and I chuckled, shaking my head. “I don’t mind, though. It’s comfy,” he added as his hands found purchase on my hips.
“Seulgi doesn’t look pleased. She didn’t expect us to perform, did she?” I whispered into Taeyong’s ear, hugging him closer. “Also, it can’t be our song. We have to change it; the sooner, the better,” I complained, but Taeyong just chuckled into my ear, humming softly.
Instead of giving me an actual answer, Taeyong decided to sing it.
“I love the way you're talking to me.”
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Omg I love all your drabbles they are so amazing and brilliant I can’t believe you do that for free! What a blessing you are!! I was wondering whether there would be a part four to the vacation au and if not could you do maybe more jealous Cassian but in your lawyer au I’m obsessed but honestly anything you write has me happy!
This is so sweet I am so glad you’re loving the drabbles! I did a second part to the vacation AU a couple days ago so I’m going to go with Jealous Cassian in the lawyer AU. I already *kind* of did this but I’ve been doing jealousy light lately and this time we are cranking it up to 100. This one is kinda long and pretty angsty and I think I definitely need to smoosh all these lawyer drabbles into a mini story that follows Nessian from meeting while studying for the bar exam and then through snippets of their careers so maybe that’s what I’ll do next.
Actually facing Nesta in court was an extreme rarity. All of her non pro Bono work was strictly solicitor. Drafting contracts and negotiating deals in different chic board rooms with little glass bottles of Perrier and complimentary latte carts trolling the halls.
Nesta thought that she didn’t want to litigate. She thought that people didn’t like her and because of that she was a bad advocate. She couldn’t have been more wrong.
Watching Nesta fight for something that she believed in, truly believed in, was the closest thing to a religious experience Cassian had ever known.
“And I would urge you to consider in your decision, your honour, the fact that even if it should apply in this case, the very law my learned friend is attempting to uphold is currently under review by the Supreme Court and may soon be overturned on the basis of being unconstitutional as well as unconscionable.” Nesta took a pregnant pause.
“If that happens. If this law is overturned, as you well know, it will not be retroactively helpful to my client. My client who was born here. My client who grew up in Queens. My client who can draw you a map of which bodegas has the best coffee vs the best sandwiches and their proximity to the nearest train, and if that doesn’t qualify her as an American, and a New Yorker, then I don’t know what does.” The judge smiled a little at that. It was a calculated risk, the emotional appeal. But Judge Miluski was already on Nesta’s side and she was a born and bread New Yorker and she had the rare distinction of being a member of the judiciary with a sense of humour. “If this law is overturned, which we both know is highly likely, then my client will be sent to another country, a country she has never even been to, not because she did anything wrong, but because this trial happened a few weeks too-”
Nesta trailed off, eyes caught at the quietly opening gallery door. A man stepped in. Tall and thin and… greasy. Hair slicked back with so much product Cassian didn’t think he’d feel it if he hit him on the head with a hammer. Which he desperately wanted to do. That brutish, violent, raised in foster homes in Harlem side of him that even a legal education and a closet full of Armani suits could never quite polish out of him lit on fire at the sight of this creep. This asshole who was wearing fucking asics with his $4000 suit. And no tie. Top three buttons of a pinstripe white shirt unbuttoned. What a fucking rube.
Except that this guy. THIS fucking guy, made Nesta lose her train of thought. This guy who walked into court late and had yet to drag his eyes up from Nesta’s ass, had distracted her. Caused her to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and smile a little. This shy, light, cutesy little smile that absolutely did not belong on Nesta Archeron’s face.
When Nesta smiled it was a sly, knowing, victorious thing that curled across her lips and set Cassian’s heart hammering in his chest.
This… this was insanity.
The man smirked, deep and arrogant, as he stood at the back of the courtroom, hands slid into his pockets. Not even respectful enough of the proceedings to sit down.
Nesta gathered herself quickly. The whole mess over in under 20 seconds, but Cassian noticed it. Even as Nesta went on and cited the law and the competing jurisprudence and the ethics and the constitution, he couldn’t focus. All he could think about was that little smile.
Cassian said his final piece, the judge ruled, as they both knew she would, in Nesta’s favor, and it was all over.
Nesta didn’t even gloat like she usually would have. She just stuck her hand out, the absolute picture of professionalism, and shook his.
“Good working with you, Counseler.” She said, as if he hadn’t pulled her around the side of a building and pushed her body up against a brick wall the other day, moulding her into him as they fought over this case. Discussed their future. Their passions.
She’d rejected his invitation to dinner, but she always did. It was a part of the game. A game that Cassian was determined to win.
“Who’s the tech bro?” The sneakers with the suit and the unbuttoned shirt and the general shitty attitude all pointed to that being the only reasonable profession.
“Babe,” the slimy man in question pushed past the swinging waist high half door that separated the gallery and the space where counsel’s desks sat. “Let’s go.” He wrapped and arm too tightly around Nesta’s waist and pulled on her a little.
Cassian curled his fists into his palms so hard his nails bit imprints into the skin of his palms. Babe? Telling her when to leave? The pulling? No.
“I’m Cassian.” He held out his hand. “ADA. What firm do you work for? Haven’t seen you around.”
“Tomas.” The man scoffed, “And I’m not a lawyer. Not interested in all that gibberish you’re type is always spewing. Sounds like pure nonsense to me. I’m a tech investor.”
Yeah. That sounded about right. No actual skills. Not an engineer or developer or even a business manager. Just an idiot with a trust fund throwing money at whatever looked cool.
“Well, Tomas. Do you know why they call that big exam full of all that gibberish you hate the bar exam?” The weasel just raised his eyebrows. “It’s because once you pass it, then you are an attorney. And allowed to cross past this BAR.” Cassian pushed Tomas back out the little half door again. “Which separates the civilians in the gallery from the lawyers making their cases. So maybe learn how to show a little respect.” Cassian scoffed, flicking his eyes to Nesta, “In a few different areas of your life.”
“What the fuck, bro?” Tomas rolled his eyes. “This is why I fucking hate going to your lawyer parties and shit. Jackasses like this.”
“Tomas, please.” Nesta placed a hand on his chest, Cassian tensed, and that seemed to calm Tomas down. Not Nesta’s touch, but another man’s jealousy.
“Why don’t you bring the car around. I have to work out a court date for another matter with Cassian but I’ll be right out.”
“Yeah, ok.” Tomas glared, keeping eye contact with Cassian as he kissed Nesta’s cheek, hand travelling too far down her back. “Hurry though.”
“Of course.” Nesta smiled that same tiny little smile that made her look like a doll on a shelf and Cassian wanted to scream.
“What the fuck are you doing with a piece of shit like that?” Cassian minced no words as he turned to face Nesta.
“Excuse me?”
“Pretty straight forward question, Nes.”
“You… you don’t know him. He’s not like that once you get to know him.”
“Sure he’s not,” Cassian scoffed.
“What is your problem?”
“My problem is that your boyfriend, who I’ve never heard of or seen before today despite knowing you for years, had a chance to see you in court. Had a chance to watch you all fired up and passionate and brilliant and instead he walked in late, stared at your ass instead of listening to what you were saying, and then shoved his way up here and pulled at you to leave like you were some kind of toy he didn’t mind tearing the arm off of.”
Nesta blinked. Huffed out a breath. “We’ve been on again off again for a while. That’s why you haven’t seen him before. And he just doesn’t like lawyer stuff that’s why he’s like that in here ok? Not that it’s any of your business.”
“So you’re dating someone who not only doesn’t recognize how brilliant you are but won’t even let you talk about your job?” That was wrong. That was so wrong. That was… why Nesta was so intense with him. Why she debated and fought and talked for hours. Because she couldnt do it at home.
“Why do you even care, Cassian? Let’s just set a date and-”
“Fuck you, Nesta.” Her jaw fell open. “Fuck you for even asking me that. You know why I care. You can’t play dumb with me like I assume you do with him.”
“You don’t know anything about my relationship!” Nesta defended a little too vehemently.
“I know you can’t yell at him about his take on immigration laws,” Cassian stepped closer to her. “I know you can’t get a little tipsy off your favorite Malbec and go on a rambling tirade about the corrupt judiciary and your twenty three- or twenty five depending on the night- reasons why voting for judges completely undermines the integrity of the legal system.”
The was almost no space between them as Cassian looked down, gently set his hand under Nesta’s chin and raised her gaze to meet his. Burning with anger and passion and barely concealed desire. “I know that he didn’t understand why you were crying when RBG died. Because he doesn’t care about how appointing Supreme Court judges works or what that meant for the future of the court. And because I know that you weren’t with him that night. You were with me. Just like election night in 2016. And the Kavanaugh trials. And when the travel ban came into effect. You found me. Because I get it, and I care about your thoughts on all of those things. I’m devastated by them too. You were with me, Nes. And don’t you dare pretend that doesn’t mean anything.”
“It does,” Nesta let her cheek sink into his palm. “It means everything Cassian, but…”
“But we fight,” he smiled. “We bicker and yell and cross ideologies and disagree on all the little things. But not the big things, Nes. Never on the big things. We disagree on how to change the world, not what we want to change in it. Isn’t that what matters?”
Nesta swallowed. “I can’t risk losing you.” She said quietly. “I need you. For all of those reasons, I need you to be in my life and if we… I hurt the people I love, Cassian. So if I let myself love you, I would only hurt you. And I can’t bear the thought of hurting you.”
“So you date him.” Realization was an arrow sailing into Cassian’s chest. “Because you won’t hurt him. Because you could never actually love him.”
Nesta swallowed. “See? See how awful I am?”
Cassian moved his hand to her back, pulled her into his chest. “Go,” he whispered. “Go do whatever you need to do. I’ll be here. And I’ll be waiting for you to realize that I’m not going anywhere. That I can take it. Whatever you want to throw at me, I can take it, Nes.”
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wedefyauguryy · 2 years
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Tell me all ur thoughts abt that post <3 also aLOT of our choices were the same lol nice
I’ll put a cut bc this got very long but here we go
indoor plants or gardens:
you can go on walks in gardens. you can see the sky. it’s better for the plants. better for taking silly photos with your friends and having picnics. clearly superior
cloud-watching or star-gazing:
my dad’s an astrophysicist so I grew up learning about the stars. also I grew up in a big city where you couldn’t see the stars and so seeing them is very very cool (even though I’ve lived in a smaller city for 5 years now, they never lose their wonder)
water or fire:
water is cool (literally). I like drinking it and swimming. also I am clumsy and will burn myself
paperback or hardcover:
floppy paperbacks >>>> (also hardcovers are sometimes more bothersome to transport/hold, or they have those covers that you always have to take off and it’s kinda a hassle)
running or hiking:
I don’t like running. and when I’m hiking I can appreciate the nature more and take tons of pictures and sit and breathe the air and it’s just better (also you can hike with friends and have tons of fun it’s great)
sleeping with socks or without socks:
I’ve never slept with socks but I like it when my feet are free
fruit or vegetables:
idk it just feels like fruits are less work to eat bc most of the time you cook veggies before eating them and fruit you can just eat without prep. also I have some very happy memories involving fruit (and vegetables are a social construct anyways)
hanging plants or succulents:
I just like succulents I think they’re cute (also hanging plants can get in the way)
dark wood or light wood:
I was very indecisive for this one but in the end I tend to prefer light things over dark ones. It’s more cheery I guess
handwritten or typed:
handwritten is more personal! a person’s handwriting is so fun and individual
instagram or pinterest :
I don’t understand Instagram it’s very weird. pinterest has an easily understandable organization scheme which is very fun and simple. It’s cool and if you sort things properly it’s easy to find things you liked again later. also just generally easier to find cool stuff (I cannot use Instagram’s search function properly idk what I’m doing but I can hardly ever find what I’m looking for). also seeing lots of tumblr posts on Pinterest is what made me get a tumblr account which made me meet you <3
braids or pigtails:
having your hair braided by someone/braiding someone’s hair is very good. someone braid my hair please (also I think braids are prettier and far more diverse and varied, like there’s so many different types of braids)
curls or straight hair:
I actually like wavy hair the most but between curls and straight I prefer curls (like to look at, straight hair is definitely very easy to maintain unlike what I’ve heard from my curly haired friends). no idea why, maybe bc I have straight hair and it’s fun to see something different
dc or marvel (idk enough abt either franchise to choose):
this is fairly self explanatory I think, I’ve never watched a dc film and I have watched a very select few marvel films. I don’t feel qualified to make a decision based on that
books or movies:
movies are great too, but I loveeee books! I can take them anywhere with me, I can read at my own pace, I can take breaks, I can imagine how things/the characters look myself, the feeling of paper, how beautiful books are, they’re just amazing. also I grew up reading nonstop so it’s always been such a big part of my life
oceans or meadows:
you can walk around meadows! they all look so different! flowers!! picnics! stargazing/cloudwatching! meadows are simply superior due to how varied they are and how many different things you can do there (mind you, while making this choice I was just thinking of the oceans I’m familiar with which are fairly boring with little wildlife near the shore and nearly identical beaches everywhere. I now remember that coral reefs exist. but you still can’t have a picnic in the ocean so my choice remains the same)
forests or fields:
this was hard bc fields can be very nice as well (I often mix up meadows and fields though. I am only talking abt crop fields here) but forests are so lovely. The shade. the animals. the diverse flora and fauna. I can climb trees. forests also sometimes have ruins/buildings which is very fun. fields are far more monotone.
sweet or salty:
I love both but recently I’ve been tending more towards salty. idk why though maybe it’s a symptom of growing up
ice cream or chocolate:
I love chocolate so much but ice cream. is cooling in summer. and there‘s so many different varieties. and it feels so nice on my tongue. and it sometimes comes covered in chocolate and I love those. I have no substantial reason why, it’s just vibes. on another day I might choose chocolate
hoodies or sweaters:
hoods.
piercings or tattoos:
Tattoos are such beautiful art!! there’s so much personality in tattoos. I love them (I don’t want one myself but they look so cool on other people. piercings are cool as well but not as cool)
summer or winter:
this actually depends on where I am, the winters here absolutely suck, it’s cold but not cold enough for snow so it’s just raining all the time. disgusting. the summers are very hot though so I hate them as well. The only saving grace of winter is that I can dress properly to ward off the cold, and if all else fails I can hide in my heated home. summer, while having the great benefit of longer days (god I hate it when the sun rises at 9 and goes down at 4) and less rain, offers little to no escape from the heat. there is no air conditioning in places I go regularly. we have no fans. I can only take off so many layers. I melt. humidity is my greatest enemy (though the lack thereof in winter is the greatest enemy of the skin on my knuckles, it is so cracked). nights are my only respite but even those are hot sometimes. another thing to consider is also clothing, in summer my outfits are far more varied and cooler (I have a large collection of t-shirts that I love, among other summer clothing), but also the parts of my body that I hate and feel insecure about are more often on display/harder to hide. in winter I wear the same thing every day in different variations (sweater and jeans with sneakers and my winter coat. on cold days leggings appear under my jeans. on very cold days I’ll wear boots, a second shirt under my sweater or even a second sweater (that hasn’t happened this winter yet though, it was quite warm)). but my problem areas are safely concealed AND I can easily get away with not wearing a bra. clearly winter is better than summer (my favourite season is spring though. fall (not here though, somewhere with good autumns) is a close second)
boots or sneakers:
I hardly ever wear boots, while I wear sneakers every day (unless it’s summer, then I wear sandals.). sneakers are quicker to take on and off (a great advantage on days where I‘m in a hurry or have pe or theatre in that one room where we’re not allowed to wear shoes. they‘re far comfier. my only pair of boots are winter boots and it’s too warm for them
cars or motorcycles:
I’ve never been on a motorcycle before. and cars have a lot of good points. I can read, look out of the window, it’s not cloudy, there’s a far lower chance of accidents, I can talk to people, listen to the radio/music/podcasts etc., watch things I’ve downloaded, they have heating and ac
castles or cottages:
cottages are more homely! I love castles (and palaces as well, which I am far more familiar with due to the amount of them in my area) for how beautiful and historical they are, but cottages are comfy
sunny days or storms:
I can go outside better when it’s sunny! and storms are loud and while I like the sounds of storms sometimes, sometimes it sounds like the wind’s going to blow our house down and that’s unpleasant
reptiles or birds:
idk birds are just cool. they can fly and sing
disney or nickelodeon:
I basically never watched nickelodeon growing up (I didn‘t watch much disney either, but due to the sheer enormity of the company of course I watched things, even if not the typical children’s shows or films.). so just due to the fact that I have little to no experience with nickelodeon I gotta say disney (don’t ask why I’m making a decision here and didn’t for marvel/dc. I don’t know myself)
strawberries or watermelon:
strawberries have more flavour and they are excellent on cakes. also strawberry flowers are pretty and finding wild strawberries is a great experience. I have never seen a wild watermelon and if I did I’d never just take it with me
essays or posters:
two ways of interpreting this, posters win both times. either I am consuming essays or posters, and I am often too lazy to read essays and also posters look cool, or I am creating them and in that case posters are far more fun to make than essays
phones or laptops or desktop or tablets:
added tablets bc I spend most of my time online on my tablet. it’s nice and portable, has a bigger screen than a phone and (most importantly) is something I actually have (unlike a laptop or a desktop)
glass or stone:
I am clumsy and break things often
dark or light:
see the one abt dark/light wood. I just like it more. also I like being able to see and my eyesight in the dark isn’t very good
photos or paintings:
of course photography is also something very dear to my heart, but something about the intimacy of paintings gets to me. everyone would paint the same thing differently. it’s like getting a brief glance into someone’s mind. the individuality is so amazing. and the amount of skill some painters have (@arbitreneart ?? absolutely insane). of course photography is also an artform that requires skill, but paintings are somehow different. also I’m a horrible painter and I admire people who do things I cannot
circuses or theatres:
I am a theatre kid. I love theatre, it’s so fun. I love plays and musicals, they’re great. I can read plays at home and listen to musical soundtracks and enjoy the experience even if I’m not at the theatre. I can discuss certain plays with my friends. I can analyze the meaning of the writing and the moral of the story. I can get involved myself by acting in plays at school or in camps (even though I’m bad at it). I had another amazing reason but it escapes me at the moment. circuses are not great. (this is largely based off of one circus experience I had as a child btw) they’re loud and you’re uncomfortably close to other people and I hate clowns and I can’t do any of the things I loved about theatre
reading or writing:
I’m a bad writer and I love reading. I could list all my reasons for loving reading but most of them are listed by the books/movies one
dogs or cats:
I love dogs but sometimes they’re… too friendly. I don’t like it when dogs run up to me or jump at me (a dog knocked me down once) or bark at me (even if the barking is clearly bc they’re excited). I get overwhelmed easily by dogs. cats are more chill
poetry or novels:
poetry is great but novels. there’s so much to read. stories are so cool I love them. so much to imagine.
monsters or ghosts:
idk ghosts are kinda boring. monsters are cooler and more varied.
thrift shops or libraries:
yeah I could never decide between these two (actually probably if I were held at gunpoint I‘d say libraries bc free books and ac/heating and comfy seating but thrift stores are grand as well)
fiction or non-fiction:
I like imagining things! being taken into new worlds!!
sorry this was much longer than I expected, I applaud you if you made it all the way through! go drink some water. also it’s past midnight for you as I’m typing this, I hope you’re reading this at a decent hour in the morning
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simpingforsoftboys · 3 years
Text
The Odds of Us All
Special CH1: A Glance At The Past (the one where Sakusa meets Y/n)
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Okay so this chapter takes place right before Y/n’s first year of high school! I wanted to write more Sakusa within the “The Odds of Us All” AU but it’s not my dudes time to shine yet :( So here we are, I’m going to write about the time Y/n met Kiyo ahahhaha. Enjoy my fellow Sakusa simps ;)
*technically this can be read as a stand alone one shot but why would you only settle for that when you can read the series?
“Y/n, I know you want to stick by Tetsuro and Kenma... but you seriously need to consider your future. Eventually you’ll have to separate from them, don’t let your history hold you back in the past.” M/n Ushijima, Y/n’s competent and straight forward mother advised, gazing at her daughter with a knowing stare. At the moment the h/c girl was looking through a long lists of high schools she had the options of attending. Her top four options were Fukurodani Academy, Shiratorizawa Academy, Itachiyama Institute, and Nekoma High. 
Fukurodani was a good option, they had a focus on subjects like Japanese and English literature, as well as history and art. While Nekoma High’s more favored subjects were the STEM courses, and they even had a bonus of being the chosen high school of her childhood friends, Kuroo and Kenma. These two were the cheapest options- neither of them being a private academy like the other two. 
Itachiyama Institute was probably the place her mother wanted her to attend, they were renowned for their excellent college prep classes, exceptional sports teams, and high rate of graduating students getting into Imperial Universities (Japan’s Ivy League basically). Shiratorizawa Academy was all the way in Miyagi- but they had a dorm that she could stay in. There was also the fact that she was guaranteed an invitation from the headmaster himself, due to the Ushijima family’s children studying there as per tradition. Her cousin Wakatoshi also attended the school, as expected of him, if she chose to follow his lead she was guaranteed friends and a good time also.
Choosing a high school was hard- especially when her mother was pushing her in one direction, only to backtrack and say that she would support her no matter what school she wanted to attend. Y/n briefly wondered what it’d be like when deciding on a university in the future- however those thoughts were far from pleasant so she shook them off. 
“I... don’t know mom.” M/n looked at her daughter long and hard, releasing a soft sigh before pulling out her phone and tapping away.
“How about you take Itachiyama’s entrance exams and see if you at least qualify? Any other school on this list will accept you as a student in a heartbeat. At least this way you’ll know if Itachiyama is even an option for you.”
You blinked, considering her words, they made sense so you agreed.
“Great, the entrance exams are this Sunday, I’ll drop you off then.”
~Time skip to Sunday, location: Itachiyama Institute~
You had finally finished the god awful tests. It had taken an excruciating three hours of your time to complete and your brain felt like literal mush. Stomach rumbling, you made your way to one of the vending machines you remembered passing by earlier. One thing you were glad for was the location of the exams- right in the administration wing of the school- naturally, the heads of the place had access to the best snacks. You walked silently, eyes gazing at the ceiling, not paying attention to anything but the fluorescent lights. Rounding the hallway corner, your eyes fell to the end of the hall- where the vending machine was located. Humming a small tune you continued your leisure stroll, fishing through your pocket for your credit card. After retrieving it you purchased a mini chocolate cake (that looked more like a brownie than anything), white chocolate matcha cookie, and a tiny cup sized bottle of milk tea. As the transaction was going through, you picked up on approaching footsteps and people’s voices. 
“Apologies *indistinguishable*-san I simply must take this phone call. There’s a vending machine around the corner, would you please wait for me there?” An adult said, heavy footsteps receding, a door opened, then shut. You turned back to the task of collecting your snacks. 
“Is this what I think it is?” A noticeably younger sounding male’s voice asked, barely audible. You vaguely wondered what was going on over there, before promptly setting your food on a nearby chair, pulling out your hand sanitizer and applying it swiftly. As you contemplated what snack to indulge yourself with first, you were deaf to the incoming footsteps and soft gasp from behind you.
“But if I ate the cake I might accidentally spill crumbs in the hallway... maybe the cookie’s a better idea?” You wondered, pocketing your sanitizer, still oblivious to the boy behind you. “Hmm...”
“Uhh... excuse me?” That voice from earlier called out, startling you. You whipped around, only to make eye contact with pretty onyx eyes, the color of warm coal and cooled lava rock. His entire being was outlined in a highlighter yellow- it was kind of fitting, having matched the schools signature colors. 
‘Woah my soulmate’s actually kinda hot,’ you thought to yourself, taking in the boys appearance. Wavy black hair, two moles above his right eye, you couldn’t see the rest of his face- since it was obscured by a white face mask. He was perhaps 5′11- but something told you he was on the cusp of a growth spurt. So caught up in your musings you hadn’t noticed that you had accidentally voiced your thoughts out loud. “Thank god he’s not an old man.”
“...Is that supposed to be a compliment?” Mr. Highlighter questioned, staring at you incredulously. 
“Oh no did I say that out loud? I am so sorry- I swear I didn’t mean too!” You exclaimed before bowing in apology, cheeks hot with embarrassment. Sometimes you spoke whatever was on your mind- a bad habit you were currently working hard on breaking.
“...” He didn’t say anything, still looking at you judgingly. Internally he was wondering why he was destined to be with someone like you. “Sakusa.”
“Huh?” You straightened back up, wide eyed. 
“My name’s Sakusa Kiyoomi... this is the part where you’re supposed to introduce yourself.” Uh oh ‘Sakusa’ sounded a tad bit irritated with you now. His name sounded familiar somehow... but you didn’t quite know why.
“R-right! My name’s Ushijima Y/n!” You smiled nervously, awaiting his reaction. He looked pleasantly surprised at that.
“Ushijima? Like Ushijima Wakatoshi?” Your smile dwindled slightly at his choice of words. Of course he was excited- not because he met you- but because he was able to use you to meet Toshi. 
“Yeah... he’s actually my first cousin.” Attempting to keep the conversation flowing you asked “are you a volleyball fan?” 
Unbeknownst to you, Kiyoomi noticed how you reacted when he asked about Wakatoshi, so he decided to avoid that topic for now. 
“Mm... I’m actually a player. That’s what I’m here for... I was scouted for the volleyball team.” He says it so nonchalantly, as if he wasn’t sought out to join the best high school boys team in the entire country. 
You’re just as impressed as he hoped thought you’d be, all starry eyed and mouth open in awe. “Scouted? That’s amazing Sakusa!” He’s pleasantly surprised that you forgoed the honorifics, but a tad bit disappointed at your use of his surname. “You must be very skilled- I’m only here because I had to take the entrance exams.” 
“How were they?” He finds himself blurting out softly, it’s uncharacteristic of him- not that you could know that- but he finds that he doesn’t mind being a bit forward when it comes to you. Despite not usually being one for conversation, he doesn’t want this chat to end. 
“Mm they were okay I guess... but the math portion was pretty difficult.” Speaking about the hard exams remind you about how hungry they made you and your stomach gurgles in response. Behind his mask, Kiyoomi’s lips quirk at the abashed expression you make- which disappears once you wave it off with a laugh and a brief apology. “Want a cookie? Or a cake?” You question, nodding over to your waiting snacks. He shakes his head. It feels almost invasive as he watches you unwrap your cookie- noticing the care you take in making sure your fingers only touch the wrapper, not wanting to touch the cookie itself, lest you get crumbs on your hands. But you don’t look uncomfortable at his weird interest, so he continues to stare. “I can buy you a snack? What do you like to eat?”
“It’s fine, I have money.” The dark haired male pats his pocket, “I like umeboshi... anything with umeboshi.” Those enchanting e/c orbs flit over to him once more and he discovers that you’re probably the only person that could stare at him endlessly without making him uncomfortable. This thought scares him- he doesn’t even know you- he shouldn’t be thinking such things. You’re tapping away at the vending machines, cookie having been finished and trash tossed in a bin nearby. He assumes you’re just buying another snack for yourself.
“Here... is ume daifuku good?” You question, holding it out to him with one hand, while your other one reaches back into the dispenser part of the machine and retrieves a can of matcha tea. “Delivery for one!” The smile adorning your lips sends a pleasant feeling throughout his body, normal tendencies forgotten, he accepts your offer. 
“Thank you... can I pay you back? I don’t have cash on me at the moment, but maybe another time?” He pockets the canned tea and holds the daifuku in one hand, allowing you to spurt some hand sanitizer on his empty one. You shake your head, h/c hair swinging, his heart sinks in his chest- rejection overcoming him. 
“Don’t even think about paying me back Sakusa... but we can meet up again... maybe off of school grounds?” A shy look overtakes your features and he can feel his heart picking itself up off the floor and taking flight at how cute you are. 
“I... wouldn’t be opposed.” 
“Great, let’s keep in touch then! What’s your number? I’ll text you!” He tells you his number, watching as you type it into your phone quickly. 
“Say cheese!” You twirl around holding the camera up so that it focuses on Kiyoomi’s tall figure, your head poking in at the corner of the screen. He doesn’t do much- the only noticeable change in his demeanor is the *very* slightly shocked look on his face (you can tell by the wide stretch of his eyes). He licks his lips behind his mask and looks as if he wants to say something, but he doesn’t get the chance. 
“Sorry about that Sakusa let’s continue the tour- hm am I interrupting something?” The headmasters voice says from the end of the hallway, he’s pleased to see the two of you together. Both being the children of very influential people- it bode well for the school if you kids got along. 
“No, we’re good thank you... I’ll talk to you later Ushijima.” 
“Call me Y/n, Sakusa! I’ll text you okay?” 
The headmaster walks off, expecting Sakusa to follow. As he passes you he says one last thing. 
“You can call me Kiyoomi then.”
Series Masterlist
Taglist: CLOSED @kac-chowsballs​ @kotwd​ @ems1des​ @normalisthenewnorm @micheleinumaki @gomchan @empress-simps @mer-der-mi @honeyswhiskers @sakusas-number1-stan @astronomyturtle @akirahyoshi @afire24  @its-the-aerieljeane @carla-1217​ @fucktheworlddude @baes-x @shadoweepingscream @sirachano0dles @katamint @420-uwu @xstormiii​ @youtuboo​ @chibiitakoyaki
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thefanficmonster · 3 years
Text
Kick Some Ghost Ass
”Until Dawn Gang x Reader (Gender Neutral)
Warnings: Swearing, Sex jokes (excuse my bad humor)
Genre: CRACK, Humor
Summary: It’s one thing when trouble finds this gang, but why don’t we take a look at what happens when they go actively looking for trouble. Needless to say, chaos ensues and no one is spared. Some are more affected than others, and some are dead-ass traumatized, but isn’t that just how life is in general?
Requested by my dearest ever - Until Dawn Anon. Hi lovely! I’ve missed writing your requests and I’m really happy to be back, creating another chaotic fic! I’m sorry it has taken me so long to post it but here it finally is - crazy as ever! I hope you enjoy it! Love you to Blackwood Pines and back baby ❤❤❤
I don’t know how I’ve found myself in this situation but I’m not complaining. If I get to do dumb crazy shenanigans with my crew, I’m ready for just about anything. Not to mention I’m no stranger to ghost hunting. I’m that kid that made DIY Ouija boards and took them to cemeteries with their terrified friends. You should’ve seen us leaving after capturing no ghostly activity - my friends relieved as fuck, and me pissed as fuck.
But today, I’m not expecting nor will I be accepting any disappointment. Especially not with Jess swearing on her Chanel purse that she wasn’t making things up when she said she had a haunted house she wanted us to visit. I must say, I appreciate this group’s enthusiasm when it comes to the paranormal. Never have I had someone who catches my vibe on the subject so well, let alone an entire gang all sharing the same opinion as me - that ghosts, demons and poltergeists are so fucking cool. Sure, Emily took a bit of convincing and Jess is not one to give a shit about the other world creatures invisible to the human eye, but something allegedly happened that changed her mind.
Her a-hundred-and-something-year-old great-grandmother passed away recently and though the death itself didn’t shake Jess up as much as it probably should’ve, the events that followed led to this moment right now - the eleven of us pooling out of two minivans that have pulled up to a terrifying looking house in a wooded are of the suburbs. Jess literally gathered us all on an ‘emergency meeting’ in the courtyard of our college just so she could explain the situation in detail - she doesn’t do well with explaining things in general, let alone when she’s hysterical - so we only understood what she was trying to say when she mentioned the word ‘ghost’. That’s when we all started listening more closely, with the exception of Emily, Beth and Sam but the latter two were intrigued despite trying yo hide it. You can only imagine how excited Josh, Chris and I were, Mike and Matt following a close second behind. Ash was a tiny bit more hesitant but Chris convinced her to give in. And just like that, a week later, here we are.
“I gotta ask, did your great-gran own a VHS player? Or a chest in the attic? Bonus points if there’s a creepy, child-sized doll in there.“ Josh asks as he yanks all the equipment he insisted we bring out of the trunk of the minivan.
“Quit fucking around, Josh! This is serious!“ Jess complains from the spot she’s standing in, shivering in the cold autumn breeze.
“Yeah, Josh! VHS players, creepy dolls, that’s all child’s play.“ I scold him as I pull on my jacket, wrapping it around me more tightly, “Shit gets serious when there’s a secret basement.“
“Y/N!“ Jess shrieks in exasperation. Honesty, how am I supposed to NOT bother her when doing the opposite is so much easier and brings more amusement? “You’re not helping!“
“Wasn’t trying to.“ I wink at her, driving her into a new level of fury that almost leads her to chuck her phone at me. If it weren’t such a prized possession of hers, I’m pretty sure she would’ve chucked it with the intention of knocking me dead. I’m lucky she has the aim of a drunk toddler that spun around fifteen times.
“Hey, quit pissing my girlfriend off, will ya?!“ Mike, who is basically halfway inside the trunk of the other van calls out to us.
I roll my eyes but choose to let it slide. However, someone else doesn’t. Emily does a dramatic turn on her heel, turning to face Mike, or at least the only part of him which is visible. You can imagine how hard it is arguing with an ass like THAT. I don’t know how Emily does it but oh well, I guess I do it too, in a way.
“So it’s girlfriend now, huh? No space between the words?“ Oh that smile she’s flashing him, it could make the Devil himself shiver. I find it kinda hot though - it means shit’s about to go down or hit the fan, either way, the rest of us will be entertained.
Mikey boy straightens up, gracing the rest of us by-standers with his dazzling features. Nah, I’m capping. I honestly think Mike is as attractive as I am patient - very little, almost not at all. It’s surprising how him and Jess are now apparently together since I always pegged her to be the superficial type.
“Got a problem with that, Em?“ He asks, eyebrow raising, head tilting to the side. Oh yeah, it’s on now. But, as someone who’s been quite excited to do some ghost hunting, and also as a representative of the peanut gallery formed of the rest of us who find it amusing and annoying, I feel the need to cut it short before it goes where it shouldn’t. I came to see some exorcist shit, not Keeping Up With The Bitter Exs.
“Jess, I sure hope your grandma is a blood-thirsty ghost cause I can think of at least two people I’d serve to her on a silver platter.“ I snatch the keys the blond has been jingling nervously between her fingers and jog up the stairs to the front door.
Ok I maybe overexaggerated the eeriness of the house. It sure wouldn’t sit right with you if you saw it around sunset or at night, especially not if it’s foggy, but a horror movie house it is most certainly isn’t. It’s pristine and well kept, not a single crack in the walls, the only reason it’s unsettling is because: 1) We’ve all seen a few too many horror movies; 2) There’s been reports of ‘ghostly activity’ - as far as Jess is to be trusted.
While I’m surfing through all the keys, checking each and every single one of them on the door because the real key is unmarked, I can’t help but overhear the conversation going on behind me on the porch.
“Can you believe we got all this in a single day and for a discount on top of all?! Whoever says Craigslist sucks isn’t doing it right.“ Chris’ enthusiasm over the deal him and Josh got on the ghost hunting equipment has been what’s keeping a wide grin on his face this whole time. Though I’m proud of my boys for not getting murdered by the Craigslist seller, I must say I hate that I lost the bet we had - I had to pay them each ten bucks if they didn’t get scammed/kidnapped/murdered and I’m now twenty bucks poorer. I’m not saying I value those twenty bucks more than my friends, though my broke ass needs all the bucks it has and all the dollar bills it could get, but Lord knows I hate losing.
“Yeah, and the guy was only mildly sketchy.“ Josh adds just as excitedly and proudly, “To be honest, Cochise and I were probably the scary looking ones in that parking lot.“
A look over my shoulder shows the twins, Sam, Matt and Ash giving the duo skeptical and somewhat disappointing looks and shakes of their heads. I’ll admit, the equipment is in very good condition and it’s the complete set for ghost-hunting, according to BuzzFeed at least. I’m impressed with the purchase - probably had something to do with how scary Chris and Josh actually look. The all-nighters we’ve all been pulling lately have taken a toll on them worst with the dark circles and bags under their hollow eyes, pale faces and brains turned to mush. I know I’d give them a discount to avoid them pulling out meat cleavers on me.
“That’s all fine and dandy guys, but do you know how to work any of this?“ Sam asks, hesitantly lifting the EMF reader and turning it in her hand, analyzing it with a curious gaze. 
Josh and Chris exchange a look before the former replies, “Just the cameras and voice recorder, the rest falls on them.” He points a finger at me and laughs, “Though they aren’t able to work something as simple as keys, they are more than qualified to be a ghostbuster.”
“You know, Josh, jokes on you, I can work keys! Jess, on the other hand, doesn’t seem to be able to work well with organizing things, hence my problem with these keys.“ I hurl the bunch of keys connected my a scarlet keychain at Josh, “Lemme demonstrate my true skills.“ I hop down the flight of stone stairs and approach the pile of equipment the guys have created smack-dab in the middle of the house’s driveway. 
“Oh, I gotta see this!” Mr. Ex-Class-President all but runs over, frowning when we all turn to look at him just as I pick up the spirit box to show off how it works, “Oh that’s what you meant. So you aren’t taking your clothes off?“
Jess and I are alike in one thing - the need we feel to chuck objects at people who piss us off. “You’re girlfriend is, like, right behind you, Munroe. Have some decency!”
“I was gonna enjoy a show as well, but I’m guessing we won’t be getting one.“ The girlfriend in question replies, looking at me quizzically as though that’s gonna convince me into discarding my outfit.
“No, unless you’re a ghost.“ I point the device I’m holding at Mike, “But if your boyfriend here keeps acting up I might turn him into one.“
“That sounds kinda kinky.“ Beth’s comment surprises me. The wink she sends me even more so. “And I kinda like it.“
Ok, ok, ok, hold on. 
Flirting with Munroe is one thing, but Beth is a completely different story. I can be threatening Mike with a knife one moment and cracking sex jokes with him over cold beer the next. While Beth actually has the ability to get me flustered and blushing, and my close relationship with her brother doesn’t help. Mother fucker can just whack me upside the head every time he catches me fussing over my silly crush on his sister.
“Ew, you too! Keep it in your pants or at least get a room.“ Emily doesn’t miss a beat when it comes to being herself. She’s truly a garbage bin full of treasure.
“We’d do the latter if SOMEONE could get the door open.” I glare daggers at Josh who is making hopeless attempts at what I was doing earlier - unlocking that damn door.
“I’d be more than happy to come through for you ladies.“ Mike says, getting in a stance of a runner before a race, his body directly opposite the door.
Oh I can’t wait to see where this is going. I SHOULD RECORD IT.
“Mike, it’s still breaking and entering and it’s still against the law even if the person’s dead.“ Sam points out, entering her mother-like mode, ruining the fun and causing me to pout at her. She gives me a look of disappointment - one worse than I’ve ever seen on my parents - so I just shut my trap before she can also express said disappointment through words and have me feeling guilty for the rest of the day.
A loud crash suddenly echoes causing us to turn our heads to look for the source of the terrifyingly startling sound. One glance is all it takes to put our minds at ease and a second one is enough to provoke different reactions in all of us - the broken window telling the story of where Josh has disappeared.
“What did I just say about breaking and entering?!“ Sam shouts after him while the vast majority of us are cracking up like hyaenas. Jess is just gaping at the broken window next to the front door in disbelief. She obviously can’t decide whether to join in on the fun or serve as back-up to Sam. Josh did technically damage private property that’s partially hers, but if you ask me it serves her right for not marking her keys.
“Sorry, I was too busy breaking the window to hear that part of the conversation!“ Josh’s apologetic smile appears on the other side of glassless frame. I can’t tell if he’s genuinely sorry or holding back laughter but either way, he looks innocent enough for Sam to let him off the hook as long as he doesn’t cause any more trouble - in which case: tough luck. Chris, Josh and I are nothing if not troublemakers, especially when we’re together. Chris tones it down when Ash’s around, and the same goes for Josh with Sam while I’m simply problematic regardless of who’s watching. My chaos is untamable, it’s a blessing and a curse and I love it, even though it’s landed me in hot water more than once. It’s nice to be around people on the same wavelength - chaos resides within this group and not a single one of us can hide it.
“At least we have a way in now.“ Ash offers Josh a helping hand in this argument after she recovers from the overwhelming fit of laughter. “I hope the broken window doesn’t anger your gran, Jess.“
The blond snaps out of her trance briefly, “No, she was a very sweet lady, but damn is Josh creative!” She hurries to correct herself, “Destructively creative.”
I hurry to correct her once again, “Chaotically creative.”
“Guys, do you mind coming in? It’s very creepy standing here alone!“ Josh calls out to us, looking over his shoulder at the interior of the house, “I’m expecting to be snatched and dragged to that secret basement we mentioned.“
“Mention it one more time and I swear to God-!“ Jess screams, fists tightened.
Before her angry wrath could crash atop us, we all make our way into the house through the broken window, carefully avoiding the shards of glass strewn about. One step inside and we’re met with the upmost of horror clichés - a drop in temperature. We’re all wearing thick hoodies because the weather outside is chilly in and of itself, but said hoodies aren’t as efficient at holding the house’s cold at bay and away from out skin.
Chris and Matt make their way in last, carrying the equipment consisting of three cameras, flashlights for everyone, an EMF reader, a spirit voice box, a voice recorder and a motion detector. I help them hand a light to each group member as well as a ghost-hunting device before we venture onward.
“If I were your grandma’s ghost, I’d be ten times more pissed about that window. It looks to me like that lady payed a lot of attention to keeping things in order.“ Matt comments while he examines the expensive looking painting hanging in the hallway.
I hear Emily scoff, “Unlike some.” but the remark is said so quickly and quietly I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who heard it.
Jess laughs, “She did like things in order, but she was never as strict as you might think. As I said, she was very sweet.“
“So do you just not take after her at all or were you adopted?“ Emily’s remarks are no longer a mumbled jumble of words, “No, nevermind, of course you’re not adopted. Your parents are smart people, they wouldn’t have chosen you if they had the chance.“
Jess laughs again, much more menacingly this time, causing me to exchange a look with Hannah who’s walking beside me. “Twenty bucks says one of them isn’t making it out of here.” It’s just a matter of time, to be honest. If not the lodge, or any party we’ve ever attended as a group, this haunted house is the perfect opportunity for a murder. We could even argue it was a ghost.
Luckily, the two cats clawing at each other’s throats don’t overhear, “No, my parents aren’t stupid, but your boyfriend clearly is. He chooses to date you! Or are you holding him captive or something.“
Ok that’s enough. I can tolerate a lot of things, but people calling one of my best friends stupid is not something I’m about to put up with, “How dare you call one of my hoes stupid?” I sneer at Jess, eyes narrowing.
“I thought I was your hoe too!“ She fights back, looking almost offended.
“Even more reason you shouldn’t have called him that! I don’t tolerate my hoes not respecting each other.“ 
I don’t get to see where this argument goes because Ashley’s shriek echoes throughout the hallway, stealing mine as well as the attention of everyone else. 
“There’s a ghost in here!“ Making it to the doorway of the room she’s in first, I peak my head inside and see the EMF reader she’s holding going nuts as if it’s detected something.
“Don’t worry, Ash, there’s a dead cactus here. That’s not the ghost we’re looking for, is it?“ Chris, my amazingly bright friend says, quirking an eyebrow suggesting that remark was nothing short of dead-ass serious.
“Chris, darling, that’s not how it works. Cactuses are plants.“ I point out as sweetly as I can as to mask my laughter.
“Don’t the same ghostly rules apply?“ The genuine look of confusion he gives me almost makes me lose it.
“Ok children, leave the room, we need to set up a motion detector to be sure.“ Beth says with a tone that suggests she’s more than over our insanity. Jeez, count on her and Sam to start parenting us through our chaos. They are of high authority, must admit - one genuinely feels bad if they don’t comply to whatever these two girls demand.
We all pile out in the hallway while the twins set up this interesting motion detector with green dots. I don’t know what Jess’ granny looked like, but I bet that even the most unattractive of people would look hella good with this lighting. Thankfully the room is dark enough with the shutters closed and the curtains drawn, allowing the dots to be perfectly visible.
We stare at the minimalistic room littered with fluorescent green dots on every surface for maybe a minute or two but not much happens to the disappointment to some and relief to others. However, as if not wanting to let us down, the ghost makes a shy appearance if the shift of the green dots is anything to go by.
“Oh shit, is that a ghost?“ Chris whispers, sounding as amazed as I feel in this moment.
“It better be.“ I mutter in response, refusing to blink and risk missing anything important.
The sudden presence of the obnoxious noise of the spirit voice box makes us all jump. As I turn my head to glare at whoever’s using it, Josh speaks up. “Are you an attractive ghost?”
“Josh, that’s my great-grandmother, you ass!“ Jess barks with disgust in her voice.
In the meantime, I catch glimpse of Mike rolling up his sleeves. Oh shit, this ain’t good.
“I’ve been waiting for this!“ He shouts victoriously, cracking his knuckles.
Knowing this won’t end well, the first thing I do is snatch the camera from Chris’ hands and turn it on.
“Um, Mike, what do you mean?“ Sam’s back to being concerned, turning to the rest of us when Mike doesn’t give her a response, “What’s he gonna do?“
“Fight it.“ I answer as though it’s the most normal thing to ever have been done, “Or, ash he calls it - kick some ghost ass.“
“A freaking ghost?! He’s gonna try to tussle with something he can’t see?“ I can’t tell if Matt’s tone is disbelief, amusement or disappointment, but I believe he isn’t about to try and stop or dear ex-president in his pursuit and that’s all that matters. I ain’t about to let someone stop whatever’s about to go down from going down.
“That’s still my great-grandmother, you dumbass!“ Jess shrieks with something alike terror.
“Don’t worry Jess, I’m sure she’ll go easy on him.“ I say in an attempt to reassure her but I can’t even be bothered really, I’m too laser-focused on the circus that’s about to take place in front of me.
Mike, as if encouraged by my words, charges into the room. Much to his dismay, before he could even reach the ghost, he’s met with a much more vigorous enemy - the carpet. The rascal trips him up and Mr. Munroe falls flat on his face.
The group stays silent, looking at the glorious aftermath of the glorious fall. Told ya these lights could make everything fabulous. Must say, it’s truly an honor for me to have been able to catch all that on tape.
“10/10, would ghost-hunt with Mikey Munroe again.“
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galacticlamps · 3 years
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Tagged by @the--highlanders​ ! Thanks!
How many works do you have on AO3?
13
What’s your total AO3 word count?
76,200
(oh what a nice even number - I should try to mess that up as soon as possible, shouldn’t I?)
How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?
Aw man is this intentionally worded to be really hard to answer? I get that it says ‘written’ and not ‘posted’ but then what constitutes a ‘fandom?’ I definitely wrote fics for stuff I was interested in long before I even knew the word ‘fic’ - I did it throughout my childhood, and then in high school, and while I didn’t do it as much in college, it still happened from time to time. So a lot of the books/movies/tv shows/plays/musicals I wrote things for aren’t really fandoms, and frankly, I had to check my old folder just now to even remember some of them existed. I’ll just list the ones that I know for sure had fandoms, since that’s more fun (and embarrassing), right?
Obviously Doctor Who, classic and modern, Torchwood, Sherlock Holmes (ironically more of these seem to be about the books, but yes, I will admit, some for that tv show too), Les Mis, a couple different Marvel comics & movies, Good Omens, hell, I even found a Night Vale fic in there just now.
And I know there are other older things not even in that folder, some of which never made it to a computer at all, so if I had to ballpark a number I’d probably say around 25ish but really, who knows?
What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
Across the Gap
On the Spot
Expectations
Shards of Memories & Fragments of Glass
Itemized
(this was fun, I’d never noticed Ao3 even had a stats page until now lol)
Do you respond to comments, why or why not?
I try to! Sometimes I take a long time to do so but for the most part, I usually get around to it. The rare exception would be if I first saw the comment when I was super busy/distracted and then felt like way too much time passed before I noticed it again, that it might be awkward if I said something at that point.
I do genuinely enjoy hearing what people think, but I’m also weirdly terrified of making anyone feel like they have to reply to my comments. I know that’s probably a little strange, but it’s actually a large part of why I made this Ao3 account in the first place - my original one, from high school, is followed by some long-time friends of mine who aren’t interested in this fandom, some of whom are involved in art & writing professionally. The thought of anyone like that reading something I wrote out of friendliness or even just curiosity and potentially having to pretend they liked it for the same reasons stressed me tf out, so I like having this virtually anonymous one because I can relax knowing that anyone who reads or interacts with something I wrote has probably done so only because they wanted to, rather than feeling obligated, and there’s no pressure on them to be nice to me about it if anything I write or post annoys them - so I really hope nobody who does just know me as an anonymous blog has ever worried about offending me by not replying to something, trust me, I’m perfectly happy with it!
What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?
I don’t think I’ve really written any angsty endings? I guess the answer would have to be Reckless just because it involves the characters arguing about sad/weighty things and there isn’t really any solution to those issues - but even then I think I ended it with a kind of acceptance that stops it from really qualifying as angst? I also set it in the the same universe as other fics, so maybe that doesn’t even count as an ending? Am I that bad at ending things on angst? Lol
Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written?
Obviously none of the fics I’ve posted are crossovers but I’m trying to think now if any of my WIP’s are - I’ve definitely poached setting/premise ideas from other media, but in terms of actual crossovers . . . I’ve got a few cross-era or cross-Doctor, a few involving Torchwood, but that’s already the same universe, so the only thing that’d qualify as a true crossover would be some vague pieces of a fic where Jamie, Zoe, and Two end up on the Enterprise, since I think the 60s series of Star Trek and Dr Who feel kind of compatible, don’t they? In fact, aren’t there like officially licensed crossover comics or something? Or did I make that up? Idk, and the ideas are very loose, so it’s not much of a WIP either
Have you ever received hate on a fic?
Nope, never
Do you write smut? If so what kind?
I’ve never written smut, but I’m wondering if it’s possible that could change soon. There’s a longish multi-chapter fic I’ve been working on for a frankly embarrassing amount of time, and the plot does call for a sex scene at one point towards the end, but I can’t seem to make up my mind on how - uh, I guess the word is explicit? - it should get. I know I could easily do a fade to black/implication thing, but it’s kind of a source of contention and anxiety for the characters, so to skip over writing the actual scene and just revisit them afterwards rings of “and they slept together and now everything’s fine!” which feels kinda cheap to me - in this context, anyway - and not the right payoff for a long fic that’s otherwise more of an interpersonal drama/slightly a period piece, if I had to place it in a genre. I feel like my aversion to actually writing the scene might just be prudishness I should get over, or maybe just self-doubt, because I know I’d rather have a well-written, funny, character-development-supporting sex scene than nothing at all, but since I’ve never had any interest in writing a scene like that before, I don’t know if I can do it well, and I also don’t want to ruin a fic I’m otherwise proud of by doing it badly... ugh I have to figure this out
Have you ever had a fic stolen?
I seriously doubt it
Have you ever had a fic translated?
Nope
What’s your all time favorite ship?
I mean, it’s gotta be Two & Jamie. I’ve shipped things before with varying levels of investment, but I’ve never been able to use the term ‘otp’ in a literal sense until I came across them, and now it’s already basically gone out of fashion, go figure!
What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?
I’m not sure if I have one? My WIP doc is huge, but I don’t actually intend to get around to finishing everything in it, so I’d like to think that anything I’ve currently singled out to complete can actually get done.
That said, I do have a few AU’s that I don’t really plan to finish, but it might be cool if I could. Two of them are for all the main + some supporting characters of the Second Doctor’s era - one’s a modern day school teachers AU, and the other is a typical fantasy/fairy tale AU. Another is just Two/Jamie, based on Doctor Faustus (specifically the Marlowe play version) but right now there are two different versions of the ending coexisting in my head. I’ve written parts of scenes & some gen. backstory for all of those ideas, but I don’t know if I’ll ever try to finish them, or what form a finished product would even take - a series of one-shots set in the same universe? one long multi-chapter fic with some kind of overarching plot? And the amount of context/worldbuilding a big AU like these would require might not make them very appealing fics for people to read, so maybe it is better if I just keep them to myself, since in my head I already know what’s going on in those worlds lol.
What are your writing strengths?
I honestly don’t know. I haven’t had a creative writing class since middle school, and since then I’ve only ever shown creative writing to others in a fandom context, so it’s been a while since I’ve discussed it or gotten critical feedback. I suppose when I work in other arts or even academic writing contexts, people usually say I’m kind of insightful or at least detail oriented, which might just be another way of saying I overthink things, but I like to imagine I’m decent at finding little points of interest to expand upon.
What are your writing weaknesses?
If you’ve read this far I feel like you must know what I’m about to say: I do not know how to be concise.
Usually when I’m writing a fic, I put down the dialogue first on its own, leaving out the action of the scene and whatever plot/context led there, even if I’ve already figured all of that out. But then when I go to add those things in, they’re always longer than I wanted them to be. I don’t mind writing something long, but I don’t want my fics to be a slog to get through either, and there can be a point at which the stuff I’ve added for context overwhelms the stuff that I wanted the fic to be about in the first place, so it becomes a structural/proportion issue too. I haven’t completely given up on any fics because of this yet, but there’s one I’ve been struggling with for a couple months now - probably because I’m even second-guessing myself on which scenes need to be written out and which can just be referenced like a recap. Hopefully I figure that one out soon.
What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?
((this is karma isn’t it? i posted a fic last week with two words of gaelic in it and was worried about that and now this is karma))
In general, I don’t want to do it. I feel like you’ve gotta have a really good grasp of a language to write dialogue & speech patterns for someone who’s a native speaker, and since I’m far from fluent in any language the characters I write for are, I wouldn’t feel confident writing any significant amount of dialogue in, say, Gaelic.
As a sidenote, though, I kinda love it when other people do it, particularly for Jamie. Irish (Gaeilge) and Scottish (Gàidhlig) are both languages I’ve wanted to learn for a long time, because my family’s fresh out of living speakers of either & I think that’s a shame, but I started with Irish and at the moment I’m still very much learning it. As different as they are, it still helps me understand parts of lyrics or texts that I come across in Gàidhlig fairly frequently, so when it comes up in a fic I get to feel like I’m being responsible and practicing, and it’s great when I can actually understand what’s being said.
What was the first fandom you wrote for?
I’m gonna go with Harry Potter even though that’s probably not a perfectly accurate answer - it’s almost certainly the first thing that has a fandom that I ever wrote for, but it was in a notebook when I was a kid and never something that I even typed on a computer, much less posted online or shared with other members of a fandom. But even then, I’m sure it wasn’t the first pre-existing fictional universe I ever set an original story in, because I did that a lot when I was a kid, it’s just hard to remember those clearly or on any kind of timeline.
What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?
I’m very partial to Across the Gap, so I was pleasantly surprised to see that ranked first on the kudos thing above - but I’ve also got a soft spot for So Merrily We’ll Sing. It’s so self-indulgent it feels silly saying ‘it was so easy to write!’ but I guess having a fic that’s already just 100% headcaonons and fluff tied together by a song you really love does prevent it from being much of a labor (I also managed to refrain from making that one unnecessarily long, so that’s another win there)
tagging @terryfphanatics and anyone else who wants to do it - sorry I’m bad at remembering whose tumblr goes with whose Ao3 account, but I really would be interested to read this if anyone else feels like answering them!
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The story of Swamp Rat 17: Don Garlits' most misunderstood Top Fueler (part 1)
Don Garlits’ Swamp Rat 17, the Wynn’s Liner, had a very short life in 1973 and is roundly considered to be among the few disappointments of the more than 40 Swamp Rats he campaigned. Here's the story behind this most misunderstood car.
09 Apr 2021 Phil Burgess, NHRA National Dragster Editor
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Earlier this year, I wrote a column about racecar experiments that didn’t come to fruition and cited, chief among them, Don Garlits’ Swamp Rat 17, the Wynn’s Liner, which had a very short and disappointingly unsuccessful life in 1973.
I think the reason that car always leaps to the top of my “Well, that sure didn’t work” list is because it was a rare dead end for “Big Daddy,” one of the sport’s greatest innovators and chance takers. Although there are only 38 official Swamp Rats, there were some A and B versions, and the actual number well exceeds 40, according to “Big.” So, he had a pretty great batting average, yet strikeouts are going to happen, but better to go down swinging, right? Or, as hockey great Wayne Gretzky once said, “You miss 100% of the shots that you don’t take.”
[Coming later in this column: Garlits rates his five favorite Swamp Rats and five least favorite. Stay tuned for that.]
Anyway, after heaping criticism upon the car back in February, I thought it only fair to allow The Man Himself to provide the context that defines this car’s place in the sport’s history. Not sure if he’d want to discuss one of his missteps, I reached out to the sport’s most storied driver and received an enthusiastic “I’D LOVE TO!” response to my query and away we went.
Before we get to that discussion, let me provide a little more context. The other thing that always intrigued me about Garlits’ decision to build Swamp Rat 17 was that he had blown away the sport with Swamp Rat 14 (the first rear-engined winner, 1971 Winternationals) and its evolutionary successor, Swamp Rat 16, which won the 1972 Gatornationals. (Swamp Rat 15 was a front-engined car built just in case SR14 was a flop; it never ran.) After all this success, why take this detour, especially when no one else was experimenting with aerodynamics?
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Turns out that while the ‘Liner didn’t make its debut until mid-1973, the idea was conceived in mid-1971, not long after Garlits had proven that the rear-engined design worked. It was at that point that Garlits’ old buddy, Jocko Johnson, whose similarly shaped entry had made huge waves in 1959 with “Jazzy” Jim Nelson at the wheel, suggested that maybe it was time to resurrect his design and have “Big Daddy” put it on one of his chassis.
“I always liked streamlining, and Jocko had never given up on the idea, but he needed a success rear-engined car to try it again,” Garlits explained.
The only rub was that Johnson needed a shorter car, a 180-inch wheelbase chassis, to fit under the body, Swamp Rat 14 and 16 were 215 inches.
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I've never seen any detailed shots of the car without the body, but did stumble across this image, a 1/16th scale version that Johnson had built to show Garlits his idea. Very cool!
Johnson, a laid-back Californian, began work on the body mold in 1971 but didn’t finish it until 1972, then came to Garlits' Seffner, Fla., base to build the body, which would not be completed and the car not race-ready until Garlits was already on Swamp Rat 19 in mid-1973.
The slow pace for the Liner’s body construction was frustrating for Garlits, who was well-known for being able to build a complete car in just a few days, and in his great book, Don Garlits and His Cars, “Big” pulled no punches about the reason for the delay.
"Jocko by now was growing his 'weed' next door and stayed 'high' most of the time! On several occasions, I went next door, pulled up the plants, and burned them. Jocko just planted more and stayed high."
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In anticipation of the Wynn’s Liner’s someday completion, Garlits built Swamp Rat 18, the car dubbed “Shorty,” with a 180-inch wheelbase so he could get a feel for the three-foot-shorter configuration and ran it at several AHRA events in 1972 but never felt comfortable in the car, but he felt sure that the Liner’s body would give the car stability and faster speed, just as adding the rear wing to Swamp Rat 14 had improved top-end speeds.
“18 just wanted to do funny things going down the course," he remembered. “You had to be really careful with it. I had to really slow down the steering to even make it work at all.”
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The ‘Liner was finally ready early in 1973, and Garlits towed it and “Shorty” out to California to run the AHRA Grand American event at Orange County Int’l Raceway. Veteran Funny Car racer Butch Maas, finally recovered from serious burns he had suffered in the Hawaiian Funny Car the year before, was itching to drive the car, so Garlits let him and set about getting “Shorty” also qualified for the race.
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There had been so much hype built about the ‘Liner, which had been featured on the cover of Car Craft magazine back in July 1972 with the cover blurb “Garlits Aims for 275 mph.” The feature had been shot and originally the blurb had targeted 250 mph (Garlits has a copy of the original mockup with 250 on it in the museum display, and kindly shot a photo for me), but the editors decided to raise more eyebrows. Although the official national record at the time was 234.37 (set by Gaines Markley in April in Seattle), Garlits had run 243.90 mph in the final round of the Gatornationals but didn't get the chance to back it up, so maybe 250 wasn't far enough "out there" for the publication.
“By the time we got the car read, [the editors] told me that 250 wasn’t enough, that they wanted to put 275 on it,” Garlits recalled. “We thought the car might go 255 or 260, but I agreed with them that 275 sounded better and more exciting.” [For the record, we wouldn’t see 275 for another 15 years, when Darrell Gwynn ran 278 in Dallas in late 1986.]
Just as had been the case when he debuted the famous rear-engined Swamp Rat 14 in 1971, Garlits’ fellow racers scoffed at Garlits’ latest project, mostly, he thinks, because if it had been successful it would have created a major sea change in the class just as Swamp Rat 14 had done. That wasn’t to be.
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Maas made several attempts in the car but was spooked by its handling and ran a best speed of 180 mph. You can see by the photo here that the car didn’t yet have the bubble canopy on it, and Garlits is not sure it ever did in the car’s short lifespan (although it's visible in the Car Craft cover, Garlits says they didn't have a working cockpit hinge yet). You can also see "Big" in the background holding the bleach bottle. Although Maas couldn’t qualify the ‘Liner, Garlits was able to put "Shorty” into the show but lost in round one to Herm Petersen. “The whole trip was a disaster,” Garlits summed up in his book.
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Still determined to make it work, Garlits put Don Cook in the car for the IHRA event at Lakeland Dragway in Florida. Cook had driven the short-wheelbase, rear-engined Piranha in late 1966, so Garlits figured he could get the job done, but he also was forced to lift a half-track on several passes. "They both said it was doing something funny, so I got in the car myself for a ride,” said Garlits.
“It took off kinda slow because it was so heavy, but then it was cruising along pretty well and making a decent run when all of the sudden the motor revved up. I quickly lifted and then felt a bump, like I had hit a bump in the track or something.
“We brought it back to the pit and tore it apart, but there was nothing broken in the driveline, and that’s when we figured out that the whole car had gone airborne and when lifted it came back down, and that was the bump I felt.
“Jocko thought I had sabotaged him, so he wouldn’t get any credit for the design, which is pretty ridiculous. He went to his grave never believing that the car was doing the things I said it did.”
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Garlits also had concerns about the amount of nitro fumes being trapped under the body and the fact that the car was not easy to get out of. “I knew that someday it would catch fire, and that would be a helluva deal for the driver, so I just gave up on the project,” he said.
Garlits sold the car to rocket-car racers Russell Mendez and Ramon Alvarez, who envisioned turning it into a hydrogen peroxide-powered rocket car, but Mendez was killed in an exhibition pass in their Free Spirit rocket dragster at the 1975 Gatornationals, and Alvarez, a plumber by trade (who actually had done the plumbing for Garlits' house) needed cash and sold it back to "Big." Given the 'Liners inherent instability at less than 200 mph, one can only imagine what it would have done at rocket-car speed. (“It would probably have flown right up into the sky,” Garlits marveled.)
So, I asked Garlits the million-dollar question: "Is he glad he built the car, or was it just a waste of time and money?"
“It was definitely a waste of time and money, but I’m glad we did it. I enjoyed all of the projects I did, even the ones that didn’t work out, like the Sidewinder and the turbine [-powered] car. Everyone raved about the turbine engines and how powerful they could be, and that car didn't work out but it was fun to figure it out. I always loved experimenting. That’s what made it so fun. When you’re involved with projects like those, your mind is going 24x7, trying to think of all of the scenarios to make it work.
“Plus if I hadn’t gotten together with Jocko, I wouldn’t have his original streamliner in my museum or the body from the Mooneyham-Ferguson-Jackson-Faust car. That all came together because of my relationship with Jocko."
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Schwarzenegger Holiday
Pairing: Peter Parker x Michelle Jones (Spideychelle) Rating: E Word Count: 11,874
Includes the following prompts:
snowed in
making latkes together
“You didn’t think I’d let you spend the holidays alone, did you?”
Summary: When MJ’s granted a sudden visit to the safehouse where Peter’s been hidden for six months, she’s... nervous. What if he doesn’t want her to come? What if he doesn’t like her that way anymore? She has 24 hours to figure out what they are to each other and make peace with it. That’s the plan. Until they get snowed in.
MJ’s leg is jumping in the backseat of the SUV, the bop of her foot barely audible over the thickly-packed snow grinding under the tires. Anywhere else, this large, white vehicle would be conspicuous, but she supposes it’s fading in pretty well against this wintery backdrop. Probably less visible from above too; she quits bouncing her foot long enough to unbuckle her seatbelt and slide over to glance up at the sky, until the driver brusquely reminds her to keep her face away from the windows.
She’s dying to snark back and ask what the darkly tinted windows are for if they aren’t good enough to conceal the face of the vehicle’s occupants, but this guy kinda scares her. He’s something more secret than the Secret Service. If Nick Fury (the real Nick Fury this time, apparently—she has a whole backlog of questions and complaints that there wasn’t time to bring up during the handoff) hadn’t done an extra security check on the driver before sending MJ off with him, she’d be really worried right about now. Her suitcase is in the trunk and she’s clutching the box May gave her to her hip, wondering how she’ll be able to use its contents for self-defence if the need arises. Tear open the bag of flour and throw it in the guy’s eyes maybe?
Her strategy with the flour is sturdy, but there’s something else in this box for which she has no plan. There wasn’t time for her and May to discuss it, like there wasn’t time for MJ to interrogate Fury on where exactly he was while Peter was grappling with Quentin Beck all over Europe. Time, time, time. It’s been months, actually, since any of them seemed to have enough of it. She’s curious to know how the summer, fall, and now early winter have passed for Peter. He doesn’t even know she’s on her way. Nervous, MJ bites at the skin around her thumb nail. She hopes he’s happy to see her.
When Jameson totally fucked up her first date (and her new boyfriend’s whole life), Peter fled. He had to. Luckily, he’s being protected—so MJ’s been told—though the trade-off for safety is isolation. If it were her, she’s not sure she’d mind being handed an extended stretch of time to catch up on her reading, but she knows Peter’s different. Peter needs people. (She needs Peter.)
MJ knows that May Parker misses her nephew desperately. That’s why she tried to get the woman to go in her place, but everything with these Super-Secret Service assholes has a reason and a rhyme, even when the Scrabble tiles for Peter’s situation clearly spell ORANGE. May visited him for his birthday. Ned spent the weekend over Thanksgiving. Taking time away from work and school qualifies as a ‘noticeable absence’ and those need to be minimized. In the plainer terms May used when she explained the circumstances (at the same time that she proposed MJ take a trip to see Spidey the Desperado), none of the people formerly known to be close to Peter Parker can draw attention to themselves. They’ve been watched on the street, questioned by reporters, photographed by tabloids, and otherwise surveyed by who knows what methods operated by who knows whom. The last is MJ’s assumption; she isn’t stupid.
Apparently, becoming Peter’s girlfriend right before his identity was leaked to the world bumped her up to the third most important person in his life. She’s yet to learn whether Peter views her that way. The people protecting him do not have a schedule coordinated with him, so this trip wasn’t his call. Windows of opportunity open and close, schemes are adjusted, and girlfriends get left on doorsteps hugging boxes with the ingredients for latkes, crossing their fingers for a warm reception. MJ hasn’t figured out what she’s going to say to him after six months of nothing.
Then again, that’s basically how their friendship in high school went until her crush on him stopped crushing her enough to allow her to get the occasional insult out.
If he’s gotten over his feelings for her or just isn’t in the right headspace to entertain her, this is going to be awkward. At least it’s only until tomorrow. The same driver (for security reasons, blah blah) is picking her up before noon. One night of struggling to transition from dating back to just friends would, ultimately, be bearable for her, if that’s what Peter needs. She’d be able to talk it out with him without pining for their quick first kisses on Tower Bridge. Or their sloppy make-out session in the airplane bathroom when they woke up from their nap with half the ocean still to cross and the sudden feeling of relief that they were both alive. Yeah. MJ could definitely put that stuff behind her. In fact, maybe it’s better not to think of it at all and go into this visit assuming Peter’s feelings have cooled in light of other priorities. That way, this can be a night away from home hanging out with a friend, and not being left undisturbed with Peter ‘Where’d Those Abs Come From?’ Parker in the middle of nowhere.
She upends the mixing bowl in the box over that other item May included.
After so much doubling back and zigzagging down what have to be the most deserted roads in Upstate New York, the driver rolls to a stop in the shadow of a cabin-like house. It’s too house-like to attract the attention of wandering hipsters thirsty for cottagecore, but too cabin-y to suggest anything beyond temporary residence. MJ judges it to be a convincing safehouse. She climbs out, hefting May’s box, and accepting her suitcase from the driver. He moves much more swiftly, evidently uninterested in assessing the dwelling’s façade. Probably not his job. Even with her arms full, MJ steps precisely in the man’s footprints in the snow, just to see if her overexaggerated precaution will get under his skin. He ignores her. By the time she reaches the porch, he’s already completed whatever secret handshake or password exchange or retinal scan he had to do with Peter and is brushing past her, back to the milk-white SUV. She turns and stares after him, her last tie to civilization (until tomorrow), squinting against the light glinting off the snow.
Eventually, when the vehicle is gone and everything’s quiet, MJ accepts that she’s stalling. Eyes lowered, she faces the open door.
She starts at his feet. Red socks, the wool bobbled, the toe of the left twisted slightly like he put it on wrong and didn’t fix it. Her throat’s thick as she scans up his legs, in sweatpants, and remembers them encased in the Spider-Man suit as he crouched on the streetlight and watched Jameson blow his life apart onscreen. Hovering by his thighs are his hands. Oh, his hands. Though MJ’s gripping the box and suitcase with all her might, she’s recalling the gentle way he fit his fingers between hers. With a shaky breath, she can’t wait any longer and her gaze darts up to his face. Peter’s wearing this look she’s seen in videos of soldiers being reunited with their dogs—specifically, she’s seen it in the eyes of those dogs. The look is mushy and wet-eyed and begging for an eyeroll, possibly some verbal ridiculing, and instead, her heart reacts by flopping around unfamiliarly inside her chest. Him, is the sound of its thumping as it stumbles into her ribs. Him, him, him.
“Hi,” she says, voice coming out high. “Don’t hug me. The porch is wet and I’m holding a box.”
“I see that.”
He speaks. MJ’s mouth twitches into a relieved, silly smile. She’s missed the sound of his dork speaking so much that three words have her tripping over the threshold, almost slipping as her snow-slicked boots hit wood floor.
“The box is from May,” she explains, putting her back to Peter in order to set it down and to collect herself all over again. She’s here. He’s here, right where he’s supposed to be and where she was expecting him, but looking at her like that and with a jawline erupting in a faint scruff. It feels like a million years since she saw him last. It feels like a day.
“Can I hug you now?”
The suitcase she just drops.
MJ whirls to throw herself into Peter’s arms, hiccupping a relieved breath when he squeezes her close. Before she shuts her eyes to concentrate on the sensation of him solidly in her grasp after so long apart, she gets a glimpse of the living area beyond, the unlit fireplace. It’s homey and she isn’t sure if that makes her sadder, knowing he’s been living here alone. His hands slide over her back and she realizes she’s been hugging him a long time.
With a tight, uncertain smile, she draws back, cupping his shoulders, then dropping her hands to swing at her sides.
“Are you surprised to see me?” MJ asks. She already knows he should be, but she has to do something besides just stare at him.
“Yeah.” Peter laughs. “Take off your boots and stuff, come sit down.”
He’s smiling at her even as she’s fumbling to untie her laces.
“Sorry,” he laughs again. “I’m not trying to stare. I’m just not used to—”
“People?”
“Well, I see some people. I get supplies. But not super often and not people I… know.”
She saw how his face went pink before settling on that final word.
“You didn’t think I’d let you spend the holidays alone, did you?” MJ teases, now shrugging out of her coat. She didn’t notice that she forgot to zip it up when she got out of the SUV. She stuffs her gloves down the sleeve and passes it to Peter to hang on a hook by the door.
“I didn’t really think that was anybody’s call,” he admits.
His tone is joyfully unconcerned, but she frowns a little, experiencing second-hand frustration at the way Peter’s life isn’t so much being lived right now as run.
“I didn’t either.” She shrugs. “But your Avengers handlers, or whatever their job titles are, contacted me through May, so I figured I might as well come out. Not that I didn’t want to see you. I did. I really wanted to see you.”
God, now she’s probably come on too strong, overcorrecting after worrying she sounded like she could take or leave being reunited with her boyfriend.
“I really wanted to see you too,” Peter assures her. His expression softens. “We didn’t get a lot of time, before.”
“I’m only here until tomorrow,” MJ warns.
“Oh, no, that’s perfect. That’s great. I wasn’t expecting you at all, so this is incredible.”
He goes to grab the box, but she shouts, “No!” Peter stares at her. “Uh,” she says, “can you take my suitcase instead? I don’t know where to put it.”
“Sure.”
She follows him into the living room in her sock feet, wishing she packed slippers.
“The floor can be cold,” he says before she can voice her regret. “I have slippers around here somewhere that you can wear, and it’s warmer when there’s a fire. We can light one tonight, if you want.”
“That sounds nice,” MJ agrees.
“You can put that down in the kitchen.” He points her through a door. “I’ll just take your bag to the bedroom. The, uh, second bedroom. There are two bedrooms. I wasn’t gonna put it in my room. I don’t want you to think—”
“Peter, it’s fine.”
He nods jerkily and walks, glancing back once. She spies the promised slippers and shoves her feet into them before racing into the kitchen. Instead of systematically emptying the box and laying out each item, MJ rifles desperately through to the bottom and grabs the thing she avoided the whole way here. What was May thinking, including condoms in the care package? Well, logically, she can guess. Peter, mostly alone, opening the door to discover his girlfriend, arrived for an overnight stay. Yes, she can see exactly why May wanted to take precautions on their behalf because MJ definitely didn’t think of that and she doubts whoever brings Peter his updates and frozen pizzas has thought to equip him with prophylactics. They’re mostly concerned with keeping him alive and out of the hands of the authorities, not getting him laid.
Knowing Peter will return any moment, MJ looks frantically around the kitchen. She thinks she hears his footsteps. Shit. She yanks a pullout drawer open and chucks the box of condoms in next to the Cheerios, hitting the drawer shut with her hip as Peter walks in and grins at her. She plasters an anxious smile on in response.
He joins her at the counter and they begin to unload the box.
“Wait,” he says, partway through, “is this the stuff for latkes?”
“Mhmm. May told me she didn’t want you to miss out on any of your regular holiday traditions, even if she couldn’t be… Peter?”
MJ observes him, sympathy wringing her heart like a wet washcloth. He turns away from her and raises a hand to his face. She hears a sniff and assumes he’s wiping at his eyes and cheeks. She reaches out, hesitates, overcomes, lays her hand on his shoulder.
“I told her it should’ve been her coming instead of me,” she mumbles.
“No, no,” Peter assures her, still facing away, “I’m so happy to see you, MJ, seriously. I just miss her.”
“She misses you too.”
When he turns to face her, eyes still shining, MJ rewards his vulnerability by taking his hand.
“It’s not fair,” she tells him.
“It’s what’s gotta be done,” Peter says with a resigned shrug. “What I want isn’t as important as fixing this mess so I can go back to being Spider-Man. People need me.”
“You’re people too. There are people you need. That’s part of your humanity.” She’s ramping up now, arguing on his behalf with no one there to argue against. “Without that humanity, you wouldn’t be a good Spider-Man. You wouldn’t be a good guy. Protecting you shouldn’t just be about sticking you somewhere and watching you by satellite or whatever! Exposing your identity is a psychological attack and Nick Fury and the rest of them should be doing everything to ensure you can weather this storm psychologically, including keeping you connected to your family and your friends and—"
“My girlfriend.”
MJ exhales.
“Maybe not her,” she jokes. “She might just come in here and rant at you about reducing your stress, which is kinda counterproductive.”
“If I could listen to you rant every day, I’d be happy.”
She flushes and busies herself with putting May’s gifts away, probably all in the wrong spots, but Peter never corrects her, just works quietly alongside her until there’s nothing left in the box. Because she wasn’t permitted to bring her phone, MJ checks the time on her watch. It’s early afternoon.
“What do you do all day?”
Peter’s face lights up.
“You wanna see the room?”
“I recognize that look. This has something to do with Ned, doesn’t it?”
Her hypothesis is proven right when he leads her down the hall and opens a door to reveal a room housing a dozen Lego models. Everything’s probably Star Wars related, but she’s lost beyond the Death Star.
“Ned,” she says.
“Ned. He brought them when he came. I’ve done them all… well, a few times each.”
“I know I should be delicate with you because you’re a genius hermit, but, Parker, that’s so lame.”
Peter laughs out loud.
“That’s not all I do. Come on.”
He takes her hand (it doesn’t seem like he’s thought for a second about scrapping their relationship) and they walk back to the living room. On one of the couches, he has his Spidey suit laid out. But it’s freaky, like a skinned animal, with the innards of its tech exposed and skinny screwdrivers scattered on the floor nearby. He’s been tinkering. Because they have nothing else on the agenda, he explains the maintenance he’s done, more features he’s discovered. The list of protocols and capabilities seems almost endless. Watching him speak so enthusiastically, she wonders if maybe this is Peter’s version of holing up with a tall stack of books.
“No tracker in the suit?” she asks when they sit down at opposite ends of the remaining couch, legs stretched out and resting against each other.
“Nah. All that stuff’s turned off.” He lays his arm along the back of the couch and tips his cheek against it. “Where do your parents think you are right now?”
“At Betty’s.”
Her family knows she pines for Peter, but they don’t know she’s been granted this opportunity to see him. She doesn’t know what they’d say. Like the majority of New Yorkers, they like Spider-Man and don’t believe that he murdered Quentin Beck. That doesn’t mean they’d want her as involved as she is—though involved feels like a strong word when she hasn’t seen him since the day he was exposed and had to ride the first leg of this journey with a blindfold on. Seemed pretty antiquated. Her parents just want her to be safe, like how May wants Peter to be safe. MJ recalls the condoms. Ok, not quite the same.
“They think we’re in some kind of study lockdown, prepping for a decathlon thing in January, phones off,” she continues. “Betty doesn’t know I’m here, but Ned told her enough that she’ll lie for me if my parents call her. I’m thinking of promoting her.”
“How’s the team doing this year?”
MJ studies him. I spend every practice thinking about you even more than Flash talks about you, she thinks. I went home and cried the day Mr. Harrington told me I’d have to fill your spot. Nobody’s as smart as you. I’m bored without you. Sometimes I worry that I’m not a good captain and I just want to talk to you because I know it’d make me feel better, but you’re not there.
She pokes her toes into his thigh.
“Decent,” she says. “Flash wanted our name changed to the Midtown Spider-Men, but Mr. Harrington said no.”
When Peter groans and tucks his face into his arm in embarrassment, MJ does what she’s been too shy to do yet: she moves down to his end of the couch and kisses him as he turns his head to look at her. He holds her securely around the waist as she darts back in for a second kiss, a slower one. There’s no one around to spy, no one to interrupt. Everything in her zings upward like a hurled snowball and the kiss gains momentum. It’s not as hasty as the one on the flight home—it’s deeper, more grownup somehow. The prick of his facial hair enhances that adultness. For her, this is a kiss that says she’s been surviving without him, but now that they’re together, she prefers catching up this way rather than with words. They kiss like they can’t be stopped. MJ cups the back of Peter’s head, then his face, as their mouths nudge and coax, their tongues tracing each other’s lips before retreating. They separate to breathe and she presses her face to his neck, letting him hold her as she sits, still twisted with her feet on the floor, wearing his slippers.
“That’s one of the toughest things to do without,” he tells her. “I forgot it felt that good.”
“Too good,” she says wryly, lifting her head.
“Hey, based on what you were saying about my psychological needs, I’m due something ‘too good.’”
Really, it just isn’t possible not to think about the condoms as she smiles at him and chews the inside of her lip. Having sex with Peter is something she’s contemplated. She contemplated it when she watched him play trombone with the marching band during football games, and when he smiled as he walked down the hall at school with Ned. She contemplated it when she silently observed his late entrances to decathlon practices, and when she muffled her moans in bed at night, fantasizing about him. They kissed in London and sleeping together went from a daydream to an inevitability; they separated in New York and it went back to a dream. But now…
She’s only here for one night though. It’s too soon. When MJ kisses Peter, she knows she wants to keep going, but she doesn’t want to do anything impulsive and hurt them both more when she has to leave tomorrow. They need to think about this together. She should probably tell him about the condoms, so they have all their metaphorical cards on the table. And yet, she’s not able to jump from a single reunion kiss to asking if he wants to have sex on one of her future visits (if there are future visits). It’s not organic. It feels like working out their romantic plans on somebody else’s schedule. That makes her feel gross, cheated even.
MJ sags back from Peter and asks him to give her a tour of the rest of the house.
She’s rubbing the skin off an onion when, pausing in the grating of a potato, he turns to her and suggests something that proves he has gone a little screwy living alone: he wants to cook the latkes in the fireplace.
“You have a stove,” she points out.
“Yeah,” he agrees, now grating vigorously.
“We cook these in oil, right? You want to put a pan full of oil on an open flame?”
“We don’t fill the pan to the top or anything.”
“Ok, right, but still,” MJ persists. “Oil. Fire. A house you kinda need to stay standing because, one, it’s your secret hideout, and two, the sun’s gone down and it’s freezing outside and we’ll be cold without shelter.”
“How could we be cold if we had a burning house to stand next to? Kidding.” Peter grins at her. “It’ll work, MJ. I’ll be careful.”
“You will? No way am I letting you do this alone.”
“Aww.” He leans towards her and kisses her cheek.
“I didn’t say that to be romantic. I’m genuinely worried that you’ll set the place on fire.”
“I know.”
They continue preparing the batter and, after pouring oil into the heavy pan May packed for this, MJ warily hands it off to Peter. He carries it into the living room, where he lit a fire half an hour earlier. Setting the pan down away from the fire, he retrieves his nanotech suit and tugs his sweatshirt off to put it on, extoling its temperature-control virtues. He’s sure it can withstand a little heat. After all, it handled the cold of space no problem. MJ watches him nervously.
At least the fire’s died down some, so when he grasps the handle of the pan to hold the base over the heat, there aren’t any flames licking up his arm. Once the oil’s sizzling, Peter withdraws the pan so that MJ won’t have to reach into the firebox to distribute the batter. She spreads each glob out quickly to avoid melting the spatula. And, after standing way back because the oil pops from the pan to splatter Peter’s metal sleeve, it doesn’t go terribly. Though some of the latkes seem overcooked to her, he assures her he likes them better crispy. The way he says it has her touching the lump her black dahlia necklace makes beneath her sweater.
They return their latke paraphernalia to the kitchen, then settle on the couch again to eat.
“Good?” MJ asks. She likes them, but she’s never eaten a potato pancake before, so she has no frame of reference.
“Best ever.”
She smiles at Peter, watching him chew for a minute.
“You’ll miss this house’s fireplace when you’re back home.”
“This is my favourite meal in a long time and it has nothing to do with the fireplace,” he says. Her heart genuinely skips a beat. With quiet pleasure, she goes back to eating.
At home, she has her phone and her books and the TV—so many reasons to postpone loading the dishwasher. Here, there is no dishwasher and MJ realizes it’s really nice to dry while Peter washes the dishes by hand. Until he somehow cuts himself on the grater, bleeds in the water, and they have to leave the remaining dishes in the sink for a rewash while she forces Peter to the paltry selection of first aid equipment in the bathroom. Thankfully, the nick in his finger is small enough to cover with a single band-aid. She glares at him the whole time.
“I don’t even need this!” he says. “It’ll be healed up by the time I go to bed.”
“Keeping it clean until then won’t hurt you. Just take care of yourself, please?”
MJ isn’t aware that she’s pleading until she glances from his bandaged finger to his face and takes in his expression. He’s looking at her like he’s starting to get that she cares. Really cares. Cares more than it would take to come all the way out here just because someone else arranged it for her and provided the ride.
“Ok,” Peter gently agrees.
Without the usual evening distractions of a night at home (and after MJ refuses to construct a Lego Star Destroyer, whatever the hell that is), Peter pulls out the checkers he found on day two of his stay. Apparently, he was stir-crazy enough by then to raid ever nook and cranny of the house in search of entertainment for his overactive mind. They sprawl out in front of the fire. Neither of them know the rules, so he stacks his checkers into towers while she lays down patterns and skips them across the board. That devolves into deciding to create a single high stack, which devolves further into attempting to flip the checkers of the collapsed tower into the air with their thumbs, like tossing a coin. Peter flicks one as MJ’s leaning forward and it drops straight down the front of her sweater. He makes an offhanded joke about retrieving it and they laugh until their eyes meet and they remember that they’re alone, that it doesn’t have to be a joke. They scatter the last of the checkers scrambling to get close to one another.
She kisses him fiercely. The fire makes one side of her body hot, one of her eyelids glow orange before her closed eyes. Every time they do this is one time closer to having to let him go, but MJ isn’t interested in that right now. His neck is warm under her palm and her foot slips on the empty checkerboard when his fingers hook behind her knee to draw her leg towards him. They aren’t in each other’s laps yet, but it’s close. She’s getting used to the scratch of his scruff against her cheeks, chin, and upper lip. Can Peter feel her sweating when he slips a hand up the back of her sweater? Is his shiver as she moves her leg over his more than a sign that he wants to scoot closer to the fire? Pulling back from the kiss, she lets him strip her sweater off. The checker plonks out. He smiles as he spots the pendant hanging against her t-shirt. He groans more than he did cutting his finger as she takes his hand and places it on her ribcage, urging him with her eyes to reposition his palm where they both want it to be. MJ watches him swallow. Looking down, she sees firelight rippling in the flower’s black glass and Peter’s hand rising to cup her breast. She leans into it and grabs the back of his neck for another kiss.
As she’s psyching herself up to straddle her boyfriend’s lap, there’s a trill from nearby.
“What was that? I thought you didn’t have a phone.”
MJ releases Peter and—it’s not her fault—her gaze skims down his body as he stands. There’s a noticeable bulge in the front of his sweatpants.
“It’s an alert,” he says, tone so serious that she feels bad for staring at his erection. She only sneaks one more glance as he unearths a tablet from amongst the tools he’s been using to fiddle with his Spider-Man suit. Two glances.
“What happened?” she asks. “Are you in danger?”
“I’d protect you if there was any danger,” Peter promises, not looking away from the screen. He says it like it’s obvious, but the statement floors MJ, preventing her from quipping back about being able to protect herself. “But it’s not that. Just the weather.”
He tilts the screen in offer and she rises to stand next to him, looking at a swirling graphic.
“Snow?”
“Mhmm.”
“But it’s already snowed,” she says. “This is worth sending you an alert about? How do we set this thing to ‘do not disturb unless someone has a missile locked onto this house’?”
“Jesus, MJ.”
She shrugs.
“Or just a shifty-looking mail carrier driving by. Whatever. I don’t want to be narrowminded in my assumption of the appearance of a modern assassin.”
“Sometimes the people looking out for me go overboard about the wrong things,” he allows. “Looks like the snow isn’t coming until around three in the morning. We’ll be asleep. It won’t bother us.”
“It’ll bother me if I have to hear that sound again for no good reason.”
Peter tosses the tablet back onto the couch.
“I’m supposed to keep it on, but we can ignore it.”
“Yes,” she agrees, the heat of the fire around the level of her knees inspiring new heat to rise higher. “Let’s ignore it.”
“We can just get ready for bed. You’re probably tired from the drive today, right?”
And he’s looking at her so honestly, so innocently, that MJ finds herself nodding at his solicitousness. He’s too busy being kind to appreciate that she wants to stay right here by the fire and rub up against him until she sees stars. But maybe he doesn’t think they’re there yet. The timeline of their relationship is slightly fucked up, what with Peter having to flee the city as a fugitive. Have they been together the past six months or is this their second date? Maybe shyly holding hands is still their speed and MJ is majorly jumping the gun in wanting to pull his pants down and get a better look at what she started by putting Peter’s hand on her boob.
So, he puts the fire out and she brushes her teeth, then changes into her pajamas in the second bedroom. The house has central heating, meaning it’s still warm, but the walls and bedspread are bland, there’s no atmosphere without the hearth. MJ realizes she’s kept Peter’s slippers all day when she sits down on the edge of her mattress with a sigh and kicks her feet free. He’s right, she should be tired. The travel and the overwhelming joy of getting to see, hear, and touch him should make it easy to crawl into bed and let the sound of the wind—it’s picking up, carrying snowflakes—lull her to sleep.
MJ doesn’t even get the blanket folded down before she’s up, opening her door and crossing the hall to Peter’s room. Her hand hovers over the doorknob, then raises, ready to rap on the door instead. No, fuck it, she twists the doorknob and steps into his bedroom. Peter’s lying on his back in the dark with his eyes wide open. She leaves the door open behind her so the light he left on in the bathroom (in case she needed to get up during the night) can continue to show her the look on his face. The look of relief.
“I was gonna come to you, but I wasn’t sure…” He trails off.
“That would’ve been ok with me,” she assures him, holding her arms as the chill of standing around in a t-shirt starts to get to her, “but I don’t mind coming to you.”
“Come to me then,” Peter says, pushing back his bedsheets and shifting over.
“I missed you so much,” she gasps.
“I missed you.”
She strides to the bed and feels his arms tug her close even as she’s still drawing the blanket over herself. Peter hugs her hard and it’s ok that it’s horizontal because he’s also held onto her a hundred feet in the air, the two of them swinging between buildings. Any way he wants to hold her is ok.
What MJ thought, when she barged in here, was that they’d have some dramatic, fiery scene with passionate kissing and creaking bedsprings. She regrets undervaluing Peter’s warmth. As a person, but also physically. Cuddling into him beats slipping between cold sheets in the other bedroom. It’s nice to be wrapped around him in a moment that isn’t immediately following an attempt on his life, knowing that he isn’t going to leave her this time. Though she’s the one who’ll have to leave the next day, trusting Peter to stay put while she sleeps is what gets her to start drifting. This is better than having him as a captive napping buddy on the airplane. No motion sickness. They’ve already landed. He kisses her temple and she ducks her head into his chest, imagining she can count his heartbeats instead of sheep, knowing the steady glug of her own heart means more to him than he could tell her in words alone.
This morning is not last night.
The first thing MJ does is raise her head to squint at the time on the digital clock next to Peter’s bed. The second thing is pressing her mouth to his as he mumbles a sleepy, “Good morning.” It’s 6am, a disgusting hour at home, but here, a perfect time to start the day, and seize that day, as she is seizing a fistful of the t-shirt he slept in. She can feel him smiling. She can feel him reacting in lots of ways.
When she doesn’t slow the kisses, loosen her grip on the front of his shirt, or draw back entirely in embarrassment, Peter pulls her beneath him. It’s a lazy motion, like a cat swiping at something with a paw. His weight rests comfortably on top of her. Shifting around rucks her t-shirt up, so she drops a hand to his waist and slides his up too, until their skin meets from their ribs to the bands of their pajama bottoms. Her boyfriend groans and gropes for her thigh, hiking it against his hip. The noise and the blatant display of want (in addition to the erection now pressing directly between her legs) have MJ rubbing against him excitedly. She attempts to simultaneously kiss him harder and get his shirt off over his head. They struggle together, laughing, and once it’s gone, Peter drops back onto her with fervour.
His hands grip her hips, skim her waist, get tangled up in her hair. MJ catches one and guides it beneath her t-shirt. Their gazes lock and he seems to buck against her involuntarily, lightly squeezing her breast. With an airy moan from her, their kisses turn rabid. Their hips rock agonizingly out of sync for a minute—maybe less, maybe more, her mind isn’t on the clock anymore—then his erection strokes firmly up the center of her and they figure it out. They have to. She’s suddenly hellbent on feeling that again and, honestly, Peter doesn’t look any less devoted when their kisses are forced to stop thanks to the violence of their clothed grinding.
She comes first, clutching his back and his shoulder. He comes with a sharp flick of his hips that brings to mind the way he looses a web from his wrist. Kinda the same principle, she concludes, feeling the dampness of his pajamas against her abdomen before he flops to the side with a blissful, disbelieving sigh. MJ stretches out her legs and curls her toes. A grin creeps up her face.
“Good morning,” she replies.
Peter lets out a solo laugh.
Then he just says, “Wow.”
Still smiling, she buries her face in his pillow and lets him move around her as he gets up for the day.
“It’s early,” she says, lifting her head at the creak of him pushing the bedroom door wider.
“I know.” He stares at her adoringly. There’s no other word for it. “Being in bed with you is… too good. If I stay, I’ll go back to sleep, and I don’t want that. I want to see you as much as I can before you go.”
MJ’s smile fades. Right. That.
“And you’re walking out of the room,” she points out.
“Because I have to take a shower,” Peter laughs. “A short shower. Then you can shower, or not shower, and we’ll have breakfast and make the morning last as long as we can, ok?”
Can she just make him tuck himself into the box of kitchen stuff she brought and take him back home with her? Being apart from him again—willingly turning her back on this house and making new tracks in the snow—feels impossible. They aren’t supposed to be apart. But MJ nods, knowing it’s easier on them both that way. She watches him head towards the bathroom and reminds herself that this stay with him has already meant more to her than she anticipated.
She’s in her room gathering toiletries and clothes when she hears Peter shut the shower off. That’s on purpose. She doesn’t need to wonder any more about her lack of restraint today; seeing him walk back into his bedroom soaking wet and likely dressed in nothing but a towel would definitely test her. His presence in her thoughts as she shampoos her hair under the low pressure of the showerhead is sufficiently distracting. She braids her hair when she’s done, simply to focus herself with the task (and because she didn’t bring a hairdryer and accepts that her boyfriend’s probably not hiding one here someplace). Pausing at the door, she takes a deep breath, determined to look him in the eye and not just stare at the floor and blush because he’s touched her skin and brought her to orgasm. She smiles to herself in a moment of private congratulation.
Peter would probably hear her approaching footfalls no matter what, but with his too-big slippers flapping on her feet, MJ’s prepared for him to be looking at her when she makes her entrance into the kitchen. She’s not prepared for the box of Cheerios sitting on his table. Shit. Only now does she remember the condoms and where she stowed them. As she looks on, trying to think of what to say, Peter cheerfully pours himself a bowl and adds milk.
“Two things,” he says while she shuffles cautiously into the room. “First thing: you won’t believe what I found in with the cereal. Talk about a prize in every box.”
“Loser,” she mutters, rolling her eyes even as her cheeks flush.
“Super weird that that’s not the biggest thing I have to tell you, but I definitely want to get back to it, but, second thing, it snowed.”
She narrows her eyes.
“Uh, yeah, I remember.”
“Ok, well, it really snowed. Serious snow. Big, high, white and drifted snow.”
“You’ve slipped into song lyrics.”
“I got an alert,” Peter says, lifting the tablet he showed her the night before from the table.
“I didn’t hear anything.”
“It came through when you were in the shower, though it is harder to hear the noise from down the hall.”
MJ gives him a questioning look.
“I might’ve been on my way to the bathroom to, uh, see if you needed anything,” he explains, blushing guiltily, “when I heard it and had to come back out here.”
“Is this your handlers overreacting again?” But even as she asks, she turns towards the window. Of course, for security reasons, the blinds are down and the curtains are shut. “Can I look?”
He nods and she crosses the kitchen to take a quick peek, not wanting to jeopardize his safety. The level of the snow dips down near the side of the house, but the drift rises steeply. Within a few feet, it appears high enough to come up to her hips if she waded outside. And it’s still falling.
“There’s a lot of snow out there,” MJ informs him in a mildly panicked tone, snapping the curtains back into place.
“Mhmm. Cheerios?”
“You should be eating the eggs I brought you while they’re fresh,” she counters.
Her comment is half-hearted and distracted though and she too goes for the cereal. Between spoonfuls, Peter, across from her when she sits down at the table, unspools the consequences of the heavy snowfall.
“So, obviously, this isn’t an emergency, but it’s not ideal. You’re probably gonna have to stay another night.”
“Ok,” MJ says slowly. “Another night. But my parents are expecting me home tonight.”
“I’m sure Fury or somebody’ll get in touch with May and have her make something up. Trust me, nobody wants any questions to come up that’ll lead back to me.”
“What’s the ‘probably’ depend on?”
“Hmm?” He slurps the milk off his spoon.
“You say I’d probably have to stay tonight. Does that depend on how much more snow we get?”
“Um, yeah, that and a couple other things,” Peter says vaguely. MJ frowns at him.
“I came all the way out here to be with you, Parker. I could not be more in the middle of things than I am right now. Tell me what you know.”
“You’re right, you’re right.” He lets his spoon clink into his bowl. “So, the snow for sure. I mean, I’m guessing they have something heavy-duty that could plough the road if they had to, but getting a plough here would be conspicuous thing number one and having this rural road cleared when the rest of the area won’t be would be conspicuous thing number two. If you left that way, I’d have to leave too, get put in a new safehouse—”
“I don’t want to cause that big of a problem,” MJ assures him, finally pouring out her own bowl and trying to find some comfort in breakfast.
“You’re the furthest thing in the world from a problem,” Peter says with a quick smile. “But alright, so, with the alert, they suggested another option.”
“Which is?”
“To airlift you out.”
She bites down on her spoon as her jaw tenses.
“I don’t, um, really enjoy heights.”
“Yeah,” he laughs, “I remember.”
“You dropped me and it wasn’t funny.”
“Aw, that was months ago. Can’t we laugh about it now?” Her expression is his answer. “I actually did figure you’d feel that way. This would’ve been a helicopter, no landing, just somebody coming down a ladder to grab you and help you up into the chopper.”
“Don’t say ‘chopper’ like you’re Arnold Schwarzenegger. You’re way too much of a dork to be using that word. And yes, before you ask, I am criticizing you to mask my fear over how horrifying that sounds.”
“I told them no.”
“Wait… I thought… you didn’t have communication, right? Like, that’s why you can’t talk to your aunt.” Or me, MJ tacks on internally.
“Oh, it’s not a conversation. They just send through the planned course of action and usually I don’t have a choice, but this time I could basically give them a yes or no, proceed or no-go, you know?”
She sighs shakily.
“Thank you for not making me do that.”
“Well, based on the weather, they could ask again, so you always have a chance to change your mind, if you want.”
Peter’s not meeting her eye.
“Why the hell would I change my mind about dangling from a helicopter in a blizzard?”
“If you wanted to go,” he says quietly. “You’re the other thing this plan depends on. Like you said, your parents are expecting you and—”
“Peter,” MJ says, “the fact that I’m not being subjected to an extreme chopper rescue is only the thing that I’m second most grateful for. Getting to spend more time with you is number one. If they don’t have to draw attention to this house, and if your aunt covers for me, that’s great.”
Looking up, he gives her a mostly-convinced smile. Seeing it, she knows she has to press further. She taps her slipper against the top of his foot under the table.
“I hope it snows for a week,” she says firmly.
Peter beams. He lifts his cereal bowl and holds it out to her.
“Cheers,” he offers. After a derisive snort, she taps her bowl against his.
They eat in a comfortable silence for several minutes. Blocking out the death-defying premise of the recent plan, MJ considers the ramifications of staying put. She trusts May. May will know what to say to her parents, she’s very compassionate—and hopefully a believable liar. Well, MJ figures she’d have to be, with Spider-Man under her roof. School’s on winter break, so she doesn’t need to worry about an alibi for her teachers, though the flu would’ve worked as an excuse. It seems like she’s good from every angle. Resting her cheek against her hand as she scoops the remaining Cheerios onto her spoon, she observes Peter and feels herself smiling just to see him in front of her. His face in real life is still sorta miraculous.
“So,” he begins when she grabs his bowl (the guy’s been doing his solitary dishes for months—she doesn’t mind helping out), “I have a really important question.”
“Still a no to the helicopter.”
MJ has her back to her boyfriend, placing the bowls in the sink, when he responds.
“Should I shave?”
She turns, frowning in confusion.
“That’s up to you.”
“Well, see, maybe I would’ve this morning, except I promised I would be quick in the bathroom, and then anyway, I figured you’d be leaving soon and there wouldn’t be that many more opportunities for us to—”
“Oh my god,” she says as she catches on. “Please stop.”
“But if it bothers you,” Peter presses, rubbing the back of his fingers up his stubbled cheek, “when we’re kissing…”
“It doesn’t. It’s different, but… I’m good. You don’t have to shave for me.”
“Hypothetically though, if we were kissing for a longer period of time, I wouldn’t want to hurt your skin.”
“God, Peter, how long are you imagining we’d be kissing for that my face would be damagingly abraded?”
“Then,” he says, spreading his hands to their apparent future possibilities, “what if it wasn’t rubbing against your face?”
Spinning away from him, MJ stares with wide eyes at the wall above the sink.
“Does the idea of me kissing your neck freak you out?” Peter asks her back. “I don’t have to do that.”
Her shoulders slump as she laughs.
“My neck,” she murmurs to herself. “He meant my neck.”
“What do you— oh.” Goddamn enhanced hearing. “Uh, well, I-I didn’t know you had stuff in mind.”
“I don’t have anything in mind,” she says, turning to look at him.
Peter grabs the Cheerios and gets up to put them away. Holding her gaze, he pulls the box of condoms out of the drawer as he slots the cereal in.
“These showed up when you did. Unless some assassin broke in and left me a really sickening present.”
“I didn’t pack them, your aunt-slash-wingwoman did.”
His expression changes several times as he digests that.
“That seems like something May would do,” is what he lands on.
“It’s… thoughtful of her. Responsible parenting,” MJ agrees stiffly, trying to deal with the visual of Peter casually holding a box of condoms. Cool. Fine.
“So, the thought of… It’s just May making sure, in case anything… Yeah. I got it.”
But that’s not quite right.
“I’ve thought about it,” MJ blurts. “Not for this weekend, because I only expected to be here a night and this is something we should, you know, discuss.”
“Totally,” Peter says eagerly.
“I just don’t want you to think I haven’t…” She waves a hand.
“Thought about it,” he finishes.
“Yeah.”
“Me too. I’ve thought about it. Like, a lot,” he divulges with a relieved laugh that he quickly concludes with a clearing of his throat. “A normal amount.”
“That’s good,” she assures him. Her gestures feel gawky, her features feel misplaced on her face.
“I’d definitely be up for discussing it, especially after, uh…” Peter ruffles his damp hair as his face flushes. “…this morning.”
MJ’s suddenly made up of thoughts, so many thoughts that there’s no room for words, no possibility of speaking. This morning. Uh huh. Valid recollection on her boyfriend’s part. This morning was fantastic and kind of but not wildly unexpected and certainly closer to the sort of thing they’d need those condoms for than the few times they’ve made out have been.
“That makes sense,” she says, voice weak when it finally comes out, along with plenty of nodding. Too much nodding, really.
He sets the box on the counter.
“We could talk about it now.”
“We could do that,” MJ agrees, pulse accelerating with every additional second he spends looking at her. “The thing is, it’s early, it’s really early, and if we talk about that now, we’re gonna lose the whole day.”
Peter’s eyebrows raise.
“God, yeah, you’re right. You know, I think I’m, like, oversimplifying this discussion in my head because, yep, definitely, if you have a lot you want to say about it before—or if, even!—we, uh, proceed, then you should absolutely take the whole day to just get all your thoughts out there. For sure. I… yes. I support you and you should take all the time you need. More than a day! You could definitely take more than a day, obviously. You know that. I hope you do. Whatever you want, MJ.”
“I actually just meant that if we started talking about it, we’d lose the whole day to doing it.”
“Oh.” He sits with that thought for a minute, eyes roving the kitchen ceiling. “Why would that be a problem?”
He asks with such genuine confusion that MJ has to laugh, and that relaxes her.
“If we can’t think hard enough to determine why it’d be a problem, it’s a problem,” she reasons. “I want to think this through. I want us to both be ready. That alone—” She points at the condoms. “—doesn’t make us ready.”
“Ok. We’ll completely forget about them. No problem.”
Fueled by the intense focusing power of sexual tension, they pass the morning learning something that may actually be checkers as it was intended to be played. Anything around them making sense is an accident, as far as MJ is concerned, and mastering the probably-rules of the game isn’t really a win because it means they have to scramble to find something else to distract them. Peter takes up a post on the ceiling, cross-legged, and lets the body of his Spider-Man suit dangle down while he retools something in the hands. When he puts on the mask and starts talking to Karen, MJ quits watching him and goes into the kitchen to make them an early lunch of an extra-large omelette. It seems like a nice idea to curl up and eat together until Peter touches her hip a certain way and she looks at him too long. They force themselves to sit on separate couches.
After lunch, he digs out some non-Stark-tech supplies, like paper and pens. He lights a small fire and she draws. Once he starts paying more attention to her drawings than to his stuff, she draws for him, pulling her legs back so he can share her couch. She crafts caricatures of their friends, plays them across the page in short cartoons that are semi-faithful to the boring goings-on of their lives at Midtown this fall without Peter. He falls asleep with his head resting against the back of the couch and she executes swift sketches to capture the softness of his features. She doesn’t know how long his supine pose will last. She never knows how long anything will last, with him. He stays asleep, so MJ leaves her drawings and steals into the Lego room, disassembling at will. Peter’s a little panicked when he walks in half an hour later, but sorting the pieces she’s jumbled will give him something to do while she takes her own nap, she reasons.
But where to? The spare room doesn’t call to her in the slightest and returning to his bed will bring thoughts that’ll only keep her awake. She needs to revive after their too-early morning; she troops back to the couch and passes out with the warmth of the fire near her feet and the jangling of plastic Lego bricks in the other room.
The rustle of paper is the first thing MJ hears when she wakes up. She can’t remember dreaming last night, but during her nap, her subconscious played a short film of the two of them giggling as Peter cooked his Spidey suit in the fireplace. Weird. She blinks, tracing the sound to her boyfriend, cross-legged on the floor with his back against the couch as he flips through her rough portraits of him.
“Maybe you can do one of you,” he suggests without looking back at her. “And I can keep it when you leave. I don’t have any pictures of anybody.”
She hesitates a moment, then leans to wrap her arms loosely around his shoulders from behind.
“How’d you know I was awake?”
“I heard your breathing change.” A pause. “It sounds pretty creepy when I say it out loud, but I’m just doing what you do.” Peter twists to look at her, putting his hand over the back of hers on his chest. “Observing.”
“Right.” MJ glances down abruptly. “Like with the cereal drawer this morning and what you observed in there.”
“I hate to tell you this, but it sounds like you’re gonna talk about the thing you said we shouldn’t talk about.”
“I found clarity in unconsciousness.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means our problems don’t just disappear. Obviously.” She waves one hand in front of him, indicating the room where Peter’s presumably spent most of his waking hours since arriving here. “We have to solve them.”
“Is it… us having sex… a problem?”
“I don’t want it to be. I just want us to be, you know, in agreement. Not rushing into anything.”
“I think…” Peter sighs and shifts so he can look at her without contorting. She withdraws her arms from him and sits up, crossing her legs in her lap, planting her elbows on her knees. “I think we’re not gonna get everything we want. How can we, with these conditions? I don’t even know when I’m gonna get to see you again. We can wait, which is alright with me, but I can’t tell you how long we’ll be waiting for.”
“I’m not asking.”
“Because you know I have zero control here,” he says in a tone full of more irritation than she’s seen him display yet. “I don’t even choose what I eat for breakfast! It’s not like they’ve asked me to write up a grocery list. I am so sick of Cheerios. Out there, I was helping people, but stuck here… I don’t know, MJ. I’m basically powerle—”
She folds forward and kisses him, grabbing his face to hold him in place for a few extra seconds until his lips copy hers and quit trying to form the rest of that word.
“No,” MJ insists, face still close to his, “you’re not. And just so you know where I stand…” She takes a deep, terrified breath, pushing out the only truth she’s ever had trouble articulating: “…you are everything I want.”
Peter’s eyes are awed and hopeful as his gaze darts across her face.
“What about what you said about not rushing?”
“That was for your benefit. Personally, I can’t rush what I’ve already decided.”
“Especially not when May sends you here prepared, I guess,” he checks with a coy smile.
“We don’t have to do anything else,” MJ emphasizes, sidestepping the dork’s comment. “It’s amazing just being with you—and I will deny I said that so bluntly if you ever tell anyone.”
She smiles so he knows she’s teasing. He still jerks his head back in mock offense. Suddenly, his expression clarifies to… horror.
“You don’t wanna do this because you’re worried, do you?” Peter demands. “Not because you think I’m gonna forget about you or stop caring about you like this?”
“No.” But she averts her eyes because she did have that concern on the drive here yesterday, right up until they hugged. “I’m not trying to use sex for anything. If… if you did stop… and you wanted to be just friends again, that’s not something I could prevent. I realize now that I can’t focus on that possibility because—”
“Because it’s not a possibility at all.” He ducks his head until her gaze is trapped by his. Shaking his head, Peter says, “I’m sure about you, MJ. I’m not sure when I’ll be home or if the world—or even just the neighbourhood—will still want a Spider-Man by the time I can be that guy again, but I know the first thing I’m gonna wanna do when I get back is give you a kiss. Not as friends.”
“What about now? Do you want to kiss me now?”
“I always wanna kiss you.”
Right as he stretches towards her—seemingly poised to prove what he said—MJ jerks back. Peter looks up at her quizzically.
“Anything while I was asleep? Any alerts? I don’t want a whole team to come storming in here while I’m taking your pants off.”
It takes her boyfriend a few seconds to get his words out.
“I-I don’t want that either,” he says, voicing cracking as his cheeks redden. He shakes his head. “No alerts. Nothing. That means no change to the plan for you to stay here tonight.”
“Good. I was sorta getting used to the idea. They would’ve had a fight getting me out of here.”
She raises her chin confrontationally and Peter grins.
“And some people think Spider-Man’s trouble. They should meet his girlfriend, who marches in with a box of condoms and won’t leave until he sleeps with her.”
MJ gapes at him.
“That’s not what I did.”
Peter pushes up to his knees, smiling as he cradles her face in his palm.
“It’s basically what you did.”
“You massively oversimplified the events of the past—” She squints and makes a guess. “—thirty hours.”
“I was hitting the highlights,” he argues, sliding his hand to the back of her neck to draw her down to him.
Her laugh is as brief as one of her quick heartbeats as Peter’s fingers stroke her neck and he angles his head.
“Is that how you’re going to tell this story to our grandkids?”
The mirth falls from both of their faces; they absorb her facetious quip in the same instant. Then, their mouths slam together—MJ diving down, Peter surging up. Though she has the high ground (and doesn’t say as much to the guy with a roomful of Star Wars Lego), he builds momentum out of nowhere, driving her up until he’s hovering, then lowering, on top of her. She’s holding him as tightly as she can as they continue to kiss hard.
On instinct, she assumes, their bodies copy the morning’s posture with her thigh against Peter’s hip. He grasps it and presses his hips to hers. MJ swipes her tongue along his when she feels him hardening between her legs. This was always only a maybe, she thinks, eyes moving fast behind her lids as they follow the red glow of the fire that the movement of his head is causing to shift across her face. But this definitely feels like they know where they’re going. Somebody’ll need to go get the condoms from the kitchen at some point. Peter swings his head to kiss down her neck and MJ sighs. Yeah, at some point.
These clothes might not come off as easily as the red suit on the opposite couch, but his eagerness compensates for the fact that he can’t just tap his chest to drop everything to the floor. When both their top halves are bare (as with anything, Peter does not mind lending a hand in undressing her), he pulls MJ up so he’s sitting with her straddling his lap. He groans into her mouth as she traces the muscles of his abdomen and she hops forward to nudge her hips into his again.
“If I don’t go now,” he pants, “I don’t know when I’m gonna get up to grab a condom.”
So, he’s been thinking the same thing she has. MJ smirks.
“You should probably get one,” she encourages.
But he has her jeans undone and her hand down the front of his sweats—still over his underwear, for the moment—before he manages to repeat his words with any resolve. She throws herself aside and stares into the fire, licking her lips to chase the memory of his mouth’s pressure, while he scurries to the kitchen. His naked torso is beautiful in the glow when he jogs (dork) back in.
“You think it’s safe to leave that?” MJ asks, nodding towards the fireplace. “My preference would be not doing this on a couch the first time.”
“Second time?” he jokes.
“Maybe,” she says seriously, just to see the dumbfounded look it puts on his face.
“Yeah… we can, yeah… It’ll be fine. So, you wanna… my bed?”
“The traditional yet practical choice.”
He happily sighs out his, “Yeah,” and she wonders if he heard anything following her agreement to a theoretical second round. Probably not—he spoke staring at her boobs.
“What if I carried you?” Peter blurts as she’s about to stand.
“…I can walk.”
“Yeah, but… can I carry you?”
She watches him for a moment as he awaits her answer. She’s watched him so many times, but never while he was waiting for her, trying to find something to grasp in the silence, this guy who’s more than human and always flitting from one web to the next. MJ ends his freefall.
“Ok, Peter.”
As giddy with nerves as she was on their first date when he held her tight and wrenched her off her feet, she stands. He steps in close, taking her face softly between his hands, kissing her. She hops into his arms the second he lets go and laughs at Peter and herself when the action tips him back. He holds on though, pulling her thighs in snugly around his waist before catching her back to press her to his chest. MJ’s scared to kiss him as he walks them to his bedroom; arms wrapped behind his neck, she stares at him instead. They’re about to do this. He’s going to be inside her.
“You got it?” she checks once he’s sat her on the edge of the bed.
Peter plucks the condom from his pocket to show her. MJ nods in acknowledgement and he sets it on the nightstand. With a condom nearby—this assurance that they are responsible people and can therefore do whatever the fuck they like—she reaches for his hand and draws him in. Kissing, she scoots back and he crawls over her. She gasps when he moves his mouth enthusiastically to her neck and he jerks his head up with a self-satisfied expression.
“The sheets are cold,” she lies defensively. Peter just smiles and burrows his face back into the warm crook between her neck and shoulder.
“They’ll get warmer.”
MJ can’t believe it when she’s the one being stripped out of her pants first (her boyfriend is such a willing undresser). She feels vulnerable, between the sheets in only her underwear, but she’s determined enough to relocate Peter’s hand from her waist to her breast. He thanks her in a passionate mumble that raises hairs on the back of her neck as he darts in to kiss her firmly. Parting her thighs, she thanks him in return, for the kiss or the way he’s kneading her nipple between finger and thumb or something, relieved when he lowers his hips and she can feel his erection under his sweats. Fuck, a week ago, she was trying to convince herself that she’d be lucky and get Peter back next year. This is the greatest surprise.
Though she doubts she could knock the wind out of him, he huffs when she squeezes her thighs to his hips and unbalances him, rolling him over and landing on top.
“Wow, you wanna do it like this? I mean, yeah, awesome.”
Sitting astride him, MJ rolls her eyes.
“I just thought it’d be easier to get you out of your pants this way, since you seem like you’ve forgotten that you need to actually take them off.”
Peter shakes his head rapidly.
“I just didn’t want to rush you, like you said. Or freak you out or scare you,” he rambles.
This idiot.
“Why would I be scared? Are you concealing a weapon or something?”
“No,” he jokes with a goofy smile, pressing his hips upward, “I’m just happy to see you.”
“You so did not deserve those condoms.”
“Didn’t I?” Peter asks, the two of them working his sweatpants and boxers down. (She’s touching his thighs. His bare thighs. Jesus.)
“No. Huge mistake. You’re not mature enough for this. I’m going to tell your aunt.”
As long as MJ keeps talking, dropping onto her side and slipping her own underwear off is just a background thing that’s happening while she speaks. Her heart is hammering.
“Oh, are you?” he questions, running a warm, tentative hand down the curve of her naked hip.
“Mhmm. She’ll be really disappointed in you for, uh, wasting supplies.”
“Maybe I could make it up to you and you could forgive me.”
Peter’s fingers trace low over her belly, making her stomach flinch with the anticipation. He touches between her legs, the contact the subtlest flirtation. The look in his eyes says he doesn’t know what he’s doing either, but that he wants to do it together. Holding his stare, she rolls onto her back.
He proceeds when she widens the space between her thighs. His touch feels… fine, but not exciting, and MJ wonders if it’s because she’s watching him, possibly making him nervous. She closes her eyes and instinctually angles her head to press her forehead against Peter’s shoulder. Gradually, he strokes her with more assurance and she quietly mutters “yes” each time he does something that feels good. By the time he’s gotten her seriously wet and turned on, she’s gripping the sheet with one hand and his wrist with the other, urging him to go faster. Her body’s not satisfied but humming as Peter jolts recklessly across her to snatch the condom. He kisses her right as she’s opening her eyes at the disturbance.
“Yeah?” he asks, dick in hand.
She nods, breathing quickly and needing him to act before the sensations he’s stirred up dim.
“Yeah.”
It’s out of character, how slowly he moves next. He’s capable of care in abundance, of course, but patience? Caution? Restraint? None of these are words that would come to mind if someone asked her to describe her boyfriend. They cling to each other as he works his way deeper in incremental thrusts. Because he’s trembling, she holds him tight. She probably would regardless. Things almost stall, but then he gropes between them, locating her clit, and her clutch on him squeezes and releases, allowing him to suddenly slide all the way home.
“Fuck,” he says softly, head hunched down beside hers.
MJ rubs her hands over the quivering muscles of his back, certain the two of them are generating enough heat to melt the snow around the house and all the way up the road.
“I’m gonna come if I do anything,” Peter says in a desperate tone. “I can’t move.”
“You can move.”
“No. I… I wanna take care of you. MJ, please.”
Between them, she finds his hand and guides it in rubbing her clit. His body’s held taut above her and she turns her head to meet his searching eyes. Her neck arches involuntarily at her first unexpected moan and Peter clamps his eyes shut like it’s all too much. So she watches his tense, determined face while manipulating his fingers over her. When she’s close, coating his cock in her arousal many times over, MJ tells Peter to open his eyes. Then, she begins to rock her hips, letting him glide in and out. Their hands continue to stimulate her until she orgasms with a wet cry and pulls his fingers away. They hold hands hard and he thrusts with crazed strokes, coming with an understated choked noise.
He hasn’t quit shaking when he climbs off of her to deal with the condom.
“I don’t know,” Peter says, sliding back into bed and allowing her to weave her limbs around his. She smiles at how baffled he sounds.
“You’re ok.”
“This feels like shock, like I get after a bad beating.”
She sighs exasperatedly at this news. She might’ve suspected his secret identity for a while before he confirmed it, but she doesn’t know everything, isn’t in on all the missions and outcomes yet. When he gets home—after all this bullshit—she’ll demand to be kept in the loop.
“I guess you’re just overwhelmed.”
“That felt really fucking good,” Peter confesses in a low, stunned voice.
MJ starts to giggle and can’t stop. Tears stream down her face, into her hair, onto her boyfriend’s skin. He laughs too, but holds her greedily all the while. It reminds her how temporary this is.
Except, no. It’s not. No one can stop them from remembering this after she goes and he stays. No one can stop them from making plans, having hopes. Days are temporary, like snow, but feelings can last. How she feels about Peter definitely can. She’s made it this far and, on his end, so has he. On impulse, MJ kisses his forehead.
“I know what’ll help. Something to eat. We can see what else you have that can be cooked in the fireplace.”
“Frozen lasagna?” he proposes.
“Why not? Let’s try it.”
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A Warm Feeling, Chapter Three
Chapter Three: Grillby Has Bad Days, Too
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Summary: What's this? A role reversal? Grillby has been busy and struggling to run his bar single-handedly, and it pushes him past his limit. Luckily, Sans is there for him. Warnings for this chapter: Passing out, neglecting one's health Word Count: 3188
Sans laid back on his mattress with a groan. Two weeks. It had been two whole weeks since the reset, and Frisk was still in the Ruins. He was starting to wonder if they were doing it on purpose, just to mess with him. Every day, Sans went out to his post and watched, waiting for that giant door at the end of the road to open. It occurred to him that he was actually doing his job for once. His sentry reports had never been more detailed, and Papyrus was pretty proud of him for it. He didn’t even give Sans a hard time about sleeping in anymore.
When Sans opened his eyes again, the clock on his phone said it was just a little bit past five. Usually Sans would go back to sleep, waiting until about seven before going to Grillby’s and spending the rest of the evening there. The dinner rush picked up around five, and Sans didn’t usually like crowds, but then again he would take social anxiety over all-my-loved-ones-are-going-to-die-again anxiety any day. Sitting alone with his thoughts was only going to make him spiral again. So, with that, he stuffed the jacket under his mattress and got up, putting on his slippers and heading out into the snow. Somehow, looking at the restaurant down the street, he barely felt the cold at all.
Grillby rushed to keep up with orders as the dinner rush reached its peak. It had been a very, very busy day. He really couldn’t complain- business was business- but it had just been unusually hard on the bartender that day. Sans would probably say I’m ‘burned out’, Grillby thought to himself, smiling ever so slightly at the thought. If there was one thing he would be able to look forward to that evening, it would be seeing his favorite customer. Seeing Sans was always the high point of Grillby’s day. The skeleton was kind and funny, and he always seemed to know exactly how to put Grillby at ease. The bartender shook himself from his thoughts at the sound of the door opening again, bracing himself for another wave of orders and demands. Surprise and relief washed over him when he saw a familiar blue jacket in the doorway, looking around for a seat. The bar itself was unfortunately full, but Sans managed to find a table in the corner that was empty, sitting down and glancing over the drink menu as if he didn’t already have it memorized.
Grillby wanted nothing more than to walk over and say hello. Maybe he would sit with Sans, ignoring the rest of his customers as he vented about the awful day he’d had. However, that was nothing more than wishful thinking. One of the customers at the bar got his attention, asking for another order of fries and a drink. Of course, Grillby was quick to deliver, running to the kitchen to start the food before coming back out to mix drinks.
Now Grillby was aware that there were establishments in the capital that didn’t care how much their patrons drank so long as they could pay for it, but Grillby was more responsible than that. When a particularly intoxicated seahorse monster at the bar demanded another highly alcoholic cocktail, Grillby offered him a virgin drink instead, arching an eyebrow as he cut him off for the evening. “I’d offer you a glass of water, but I don’t go near the stuff. I think you’ve had enough for the evening.”
The monster scoffed, irritated. “What kind of B-S is that? I know how much I can handle, I’m nowhere near wasted. Just gimme another drink and mind your own damn business.”
Grillby shook his head. “I said, you’ve had enough,” he said firmly. “If you would like to order a non-alcoholic drink instead I would be happy to prepare it for you.”
The monster stood with his hands on the bar, yelling, “Do you have any idea who I am?!”
And here they went again. Grillby got this sort of thing all the time when they were busy. “Sir, please, there’s no reason to shout…” God, he had a headache. Couldn’t his customers give him one easy night? There were two other monsters trying to get his attention to order drinks, apparently either unaware or uncaring that Grillby was in the middle of something. “I’m afraid I have other customers to attend to-”
The seahorse monster cut him off. “I am a loyal customer and I have never caused you any trouble before, and this is how you treat me?? Not cool, dude. You’re gonna lose my business if you keep up with this attitude. What happened to the customer is always right? You know I’ve never said anything before, but your service is so damn slow, and your food sucks. I can barely even drink these shitty excuses for drinks, I’m only here because I want to support local businesses, but with your attitude-”
Ding! You’re blue now!
The seahorse monster suddenly found himself being lifted off with his stool with a yelp, unceremoniously dropped to the floor. Sans took his place at the bar, a casual grin on his face. “Hey Grillbz, looks like it’s busy. This guy causing you trouble?”
Grillby could have cried in relief. “No,” he remarked casually, “He was just leaving.” He made eye contact with the monster, irritated. “And I believe we had just reached an agreement that he will not be coming back.” With that, he gave Sans a thankful look before rushing to take care of the customers that had been waiting on him.
The bartender was pretty sure he wouldn’t have made it through the evening with his sanity intact if Sans weren’t there. Every time an irate customer started to get an attitude with Grillby, Sans would interrupt, either drawing Grillby away from the situation or diffusing the situation with a joke and a smile. The rush had started dying down by six-thirty, and the bartender finally had a moment to just… breathe.
Sans looked up from his phone when a burger and a bottle of ketchup were set in front of him, the food fresh off the grill and the bottle filled to the top. Grillby adjusted his glasses, leaning against the bar with a sigh. “Sorry it took so long to get out to you,” he mumbled. “Busy night.”
“Yeah, no kidding,” Sans responded with a chuckle. “There was a line out the door when I got here.”
“Really?” Grillby looked out the window, relieved to see that was no longer the case. “I hadn’t even noticed. I really need to hire some waiting staff. I’ve put out a help wanted ad a few times, but no one qualified has ever responded…” He took off his glasses and rubbed his forehead, trying to will away the headache he’d had ever since the dinner rush.
Sans tilted his head, a little worried. “Hey, well, now you can relax for the evening, right?”
Grillby groaned. “As much as I would like that, I still have customers, Sans.”
Sans looked around, then shrugged. “They’re all regulars, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind if you closed an hour or two early. I mean, if I’m being honest… You… don’t look so good. It’s been kinda a rough week. You should take care of yourself before you get too burned out, heh.”
Grillby found himself chuckling despite himself. “I knew you would make that joke,” he mumbled. He looked around the bar for a moment. It was true, that he only had regulars in this late, and they were all fairly good and understanding patrons. Even if they weren’t all the most understanding monsters, his headache just… would not go away. “For the record, if I concede and close up early, I would like it to be known that I’m doing this for your benefit. You worry too much.”
“Heh, sure, Grillbz. I’ll help you round everyone up and get them out of here,” Sans offered, getting up out of his chair. He couldn’t help glancing at Grillby every now and then, an uneasiness settling in his chest as he watched the bartender periodically take off his glasses and rub his eyes.
Sans decided not to mention that for the first time, his burger had been undercooked.
Grillby sat down at one of his booths and sighed, putting his head down on the table. He’d finished cleaning up, and Sans had been kind enough to put up the barstools and chairs for him. He felt more than heard his friend sit next to him, the hand that came up to rub his back a welcome presence of comfort. Sans fidgeted with his hoodie zipper with his free hand, even more worried than before. He’d never seen Grillby like this, but… it couldn’t have been the first time, could it? Since the evening Grillby had carried Sans home, the two had been a little bit closer. It was possible that the bartender had just started feeling comfortable being more vulnerable with him, but Sans still felt like he should have noticed this sort of thing before. Why didn’t it occur to him that Grillby had his own bad days? Grillbz was always looking out for him, taking care of him, and giving him a safe space. When had Sans last returned the favor? Some friend he was…
“I know what you’re thinking, Sans,” Grillby said quietly. “Yes, I have bad days, but days as severe as this are rare. I’ve never asked for help or mentioned it before. There’s no way you could have done anything about it.”
Sans huffed, relaxing a little bit and rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “How come you can read me like a book like that? You’re not even looking at me.”
“You were thinking loudly,” Grillby responded sarcastically. “Honestly, you spend nearly every evening at my bar. You’d think that I’d know you pretty well.”
“I guess that makes sense,” Sans conceded. The two fell into a comfortable silence, Sans continuing to rub Grillby’s back while the bartender took a moment to let himself wind down. He pushed down a bit between Grillby’s shoulder blades, eliciting a soft groan from the monster.
“Ow…” Grillby hadn’t realized just how sore he was until Sans did that. He had all kinds of knots in his shoulders. His back and his feet ached. He was going to feel awful when he got up the next morning.
As the dull ache spread through him, Sans pressed down again, digging in his palm a bit and starting to work out one of the worst knots. “Damn, Grillbz,” he mumbled under his breath. “When was the last time you stretched. Here, turn around.” He guided Grillby into sitting so that his back was facing Sans. The skeleton reached up, starting at the bartender’s neck as he began massaging out the tension there and loosening up the sore muscles. He was surprisingly good at it, drawing another out a soft sigh from the fire monster.
“Sans,” Grillby breathed out, “You don’t have to.”
Sans chuckled a bit. “I want to. Would it make you feel better if I charged you for it? Just take it off my tab.”
Grillby rolled his eyes, caving. “Fine… thank you.”
The worried unease slowly left Sans at that, replaced by a fond warmth. “Hey, don’t mention it. Let me take care of you for once.”
Later that evening, as Sans and Grillby parted ways, Sans found himself having some… interesting thoughts about the bartender as he watched him walk away. He would be lying if he said that he hadn’t been a bit flustered by some of the soft sighs and groans that had slipped past Grillby’s lips as Sans gave him the massage. He didn’t expect Grillby to be so vocal.
The thought made the skeleton’s throat go dry and he shook himself, turning and walking back towards home. He hadn’t missed the way Grillby was blushing when he sat back up, quietly thanking Sans and mumbling that he felt much better. Come to think of it, Sans had seen Grillby’s blush a lot more often lately. Some sort of line had been well and truly stepped over when Grillby took Sans home, spending the night with him to make sure he wasn’t alone with his nightmares. Not much had really changed between the two of them, but every so often they shared a tender, vulnerable moment that reached a little bit deeper than other interactions. It was undeniable that they’d gotten closer, but…
Closer how?
Sans reached the front door, but decided to take a short cut to his room. He didn’t really feel like facing Papyrus’s questions as to why he was home earlier than usual right then. He’d managed to stop worrying his brother so much recently. He’d actually been getting a decent amount of rest the past few days. His nightmares had been a lot milder, still waking him up but not hanging around long enough to keep him from dozing back off pretty quickly.
He refused to acknowledge that it had anything to do with the black jacket that wasn’t his he’d been sleeping in every night. Surely it had nothing to do with the weight of the fabric and the comforting, familiar smell of smoke.
Sans wasn’t sure what woke him up early. Maybe Papyrus singing in the shower? Usually he slept through that noise but… eh, whatever. The skeleton sat up and stretched, Grillby’s jacket shifting around his shoulders. He pulled it off and gently inspected it for a moment, remembering the night before. Maybe… Maybe since he was up early anyway, he could go ahead and check on him. The bar opened pretty early for breakfast, but walking past with Papyrus each morning, it never looked particularly busy. The skeleton shrugged off the jacket and stuffed it under his mattress, semi-reluctantly exchanging it for his regular blue one. He made sure to leave a note for Papyrus on his door letting him know that he left early before heading out to check in with his friend.
The first thing Sans noticed was that there weren’t any lights on inside the bar. Usually he could see the glow of the windows and the light they casted out on the snow from a distance, but the restaurant was totally dark. Sans pulled out his phone and checked the time again. Seven thirty-eight. Grillby’s should’ve definitely been open.
The second thing he noticed was the sign in the window. It was one of those plastic signs that said ‘OPEN’ on one side and ‘CLOSED’ on the other, hanging from a suction-cup hook. It was flipped to ‘OPEN’. Sans distinctly remembered Grillby flipping it to ‘CLOSED’ the night before, but the place certainly didn’t look open. Had Grillby come in, then changed his mind and taken the morning off? And just forgotten to change the sign back?
Sans was starting to get a bad feeling. After a moment, he slowly walked up to the door and turned the doorknob.
Unlocked.
Grillby never forgot to lock the door.
That was all the evidence Sans needed to conclude something was definitely wrong. He stepped inside, closing the door behind him. “Grillbz? Hey, you in?” Was the power out or something…? He looked around, eyes drawn to the open kitchen door. There was a flickering light coming from inside the kitchen that hadn’t been visible through the front window. A flickering light…
Dread seeped into Sans’s soul as he found himself jogging towards the kitchen. “Grillby?!” He called out worriedly. “Hey, what’s going…” Sans stopped short, eyes wide as he located his best friend.
Grillby was laying on the floor in the middle of the kitchen, a batch of burger buns scattered across the floor around a pan sitting on the ground nearby. It didn’t take long for Sans to figure out what had happened, rushing over to his friend and kneeling next to him. “Grillby! Hey, come on, wake up. Shit, Grillbz, wake up!” What did he do?! He couldn’t exactly pour water on his face! He shook the bartender slightly, on the edge of panic. He fought back tears of relief when Grillby’s eyes fluttered open.
Grillby shifted and winced, a hand coming up to his head. “Ngh… Sans…?”
“Y-yeah,” Sans managed to stammer. “Hey, don’t move around too much. What hurts?”
Grillby took longer to answer than Sans would like. “Head, back, knees,” the bartender finally mumbled, closing his eyes again. “What… What happened?”
“You fucking passed out is what happened,” Sans choked out through a tense, humorless laugh. “I thought you had Fallen Down or something. You scared the shit out of me.”
Grillby opened his eyes again, looking up at Sans. He reached out with a shaky hand to cup the skeleton’s cheek, steam sizzling into the air as he wiped away a single stray tear. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled quietly.
“No,” Sans said quickly. “Don’t you fucking dare apologize. Don’t you dare apologize for getting hurt or- or sick or whatever caused this. It isn’t your fault.” He took a deep breath, trying to calm down. Grillby was going to be alright, he knew that much. He’d make sure of it. “Can you sit up slowly for me?”
With Sans’s help, Grillby gradually got up to a sitting position, then after a few moments of sitting, slowly eased his way into standing. He swayed on his feet when he was upright, so Sans carefully helped him out to a booth in the dining room, making him lay down again as he went to lock the door and flip the sign back over. No way was Grillby working in that condition. “Grillbz, when was the last time you ate?”
“Um…” Grillby frowned, thinking about it. After a long moment of silence, Sans shook his head.
“Okay, the fact that you have to think about it that long is bad enough,” Sans said tensely. “It… It wasn’t that day when we ate lunch together, was it? Grillbz, that was five days ago. I know it’s been busy but holy shit, G!” He took another deep breath. Now wasn’t the time to be lecturing about self-care (especially since Sans was the last person to be talking to about it). “Alright, we need to get you something to eat. Papyrus should be out at his post by now, so I’m gonna bring you over to my house to rest. You’re taking a day off.”
If anything, Sans was made more concerned by the fact that Grillby didn’t protest. He helped his friend back up, debating on whether or not to take a shortcut before deciding that might be too much for the bartender to handle.
Grillby did his best to maintain his balance, groaning as his head throbbed from the motion. “I… f-feel like shit…”
Sans relaxed a bit, chuckling tensely. At least Grillby was aware enough to sound like himself again. “Yeah, I’m sure. Don’t worry, Grillbz, I’ll take care of ya.”
Thanks for reading this chapter! If you want, you can also read this on Archive of Our Own and Wattpad. If you like my writing, consider reblogging so that more people can see it, and leave a comment to tell me what your favorite part was! I'm aiming to have the next chapter out next week, so keep an eye out for it. Let me know if you want to be added to my tag list for A Warm Feeling!
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ceealaina · 3 years
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Title: Mind Control Collaborator Name: ceealaina Card: 4008 Link: AO3 Square Filled: S1 - Technopathy Ship: IronHusbands Rating: Teen Major Tags: Technopathy, MIT Era, Fluff and Humor, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting Summary: Rhodey always knew that Tony was special. He just hadn't realized how special. Word Count: 2749
Rhodey had always known there was something different about Tony, something special — something beyond being heir to one of the biggest fortunes in the world. Despite all his bravado when they’d first met, it had been clear what a genuinely good person Tony was. He was unfailingly kind, generous to a fault. He was special.
But for all his observations, it was almost two years of calling Tony his best friend (and six months of calling him his boyfriend) before Rhodey had realized just how special. 
They’d moved in together after their first year, deciding that dorm life was not for them. The apartment was tiny and crappy, but it was theirs. And sure, they could have had top of the line everything with Tony’s trust fund, but millions or no, Rhodey insisted on paying his own way. (It was, Tony had declared one night when they were drunkenly celebrating the end of the semester, one of the things he loved best about Rhodey.) 
Which was how they ended up with the world’s most temperamental television set, some old thing that Rhodey had found on the side of the road, lugged home and bullied into working. Tony may have been the tech genius, but Rhodey was no slouch when it came to electronics himself, and this was his baby, his responsibility to take care of when she broke — which happened once every couple weeks. 
So when she finally broke to the point that even Rhodey had to admit defeat, to classify her as unrepairable, it hurt him more than he liked to admit. He knew it was foolish, but he couldn’t help giving her a quiet little goodbye, patting her on the top of her box and thanking her for all her hard work. 
Which, of course, was exactly when Tony had walked into the room. 
“Ummm.” Tony had his lips pressed tightly together, fighting back a smile, but Rhodey could see it curling at the corners of his mouth anyway. “Everything okay there, bud?”
Rhodey didn’t even try to pretend he wasn’t upset, just sighed heavily. “Betsy finally kicked it.”
“Betsy?” Tony repeated with an arched brow. “Sounds like somebody Captain America would have dated.” But he dropped his bag in the doorway, making his way over to the television in question. “Want me to take a look?” 
Rhodey gave a half-hearted, forlorn shrug, and Tony didn’t even have the grace to pretend he wasn’t laughing at him as he pulled the TV out, poking at the back of it. 
“Come on baby,” he purred, manipulating the wires. “Tell me what’s going on, yeah?” He talked away to the TV as he worked, pausing for breaks like it was a conversation, and Rhodey quirked his head as he watched him. There was something odd about the way Tony was working, something he couldn’t quite figure out. Rhodey had a tendency to talk out loud while he worked too, but this was different, like Tony was actually listening to a response. And then, after a few moments, Tony gave out a “Ha! There you are,” fiddled with something, and Betsy sparked to life again. 
“Holy shit,” Rhodey said, because he’d been working on the TV set for hours, and he hadn’t the idea of writing her off lightly. “How did you do that?” 
Tony shrugged, but he looked pleased as he rocked back onto his feet, wiping at a spot of grease on the side of his thumb. “I just listened to her, you know?” 
Rhodey just arched an eyebrow, because no, he didn’t really know. “Uh… Sure?” 
Tony just grinned wide and grabbed his bag to dump in his room. “Pizza tonight?” 
***
That might have been it, except that Rhodey kept noticing it after that. He’d always thought Tony talked to the coffeemaker like that because he loved coffee so much, but then the coffee always somehow tasted ninety times better when Tony made it. And he seemed to have uncanny luck when it came to traffic lights. Like in a way that Rhodey was pretty sure actually defied the laws of probability. And somehow their highly temperamental oven never seemed to burn the frozen pizzas that Tony put in, even though he could barely cook to save his life, and Rhodey -- who actually could cook, thank you very much -- always managed to burn his pizzas to a crisp. 
And then there was the ROTC Christmas party. The ROTC Christmas party always turned into a drunk fest, and Rhodey was no exception to the rule. He’d been looking forward to it since his second week of classes. Tony had been finishing up his final project for one of his classes anyway, so he’d promised to pick Rhodey up after, saving him from having to drunkenly stumble his way home. But he’d been late, and Rhodey had been waiting outside for nearly twenty minutes, distracted by the lightly falling snow, before Tony rolled up in his car. 
“Sorry, sorry,” Tony called, leaving the car running as he jumped out of the driver’s seat and hurried over to help Rhodey through the snow. “I couldn’t find my goddamn keys.” 
“I’m not so drunk I can’t walk,” Rhodey protested, unable to help the way his words all rolled together. “You don’t have to help me.” Tony’s hand on his arm was warm and comforting though, and he made no effort to pull it away. 
Tony just grinned at him and then reached up, brushing off the snow that had gathered on Rhodey’s bare head. “Why didn’t you wait inside, dumbass?” he asked.
Rhodey shrugged as Tony helped him into the car, pushing his head down so he wouldn’t smack it into the doorframe. “Got distracted by the snowflakes.” The fond smile that Tony gave him in return made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside and he snuggled into the cushy leather, watching Tony through the windshield as he hurried back around to the driver’s side and climbed in after him. 
“Here,” Tony said, turning the heat up until it was full blast. “You’re gonna freeze to death.” 
“I’m fine,” Rhodey protested. “I’m not even cold.” 
“You’re frozen,” Tony told him, grabbing his hands and rubbing them between his own hot ones. “You’re just too drunk to realize it.” 
Rhodey was pretty sure that wasn’t true, but the heat did feel nice, making him drowsy and lazy as Tony headed back toward the apartment. His eyes were getting heavy, now that the party was over, and he fell asleep not long after. 
But when he thought about it later, he could have sworn that there hadn’t been any keys in the ignition when his eyes had closed. 
Still, he probably could have written all of that off (maybe Tony had panicked when he couldn’t find his keys and hotwired his own car. That was totally something he would do) until the incident with the music. 
Rhodey had had a very long day, and felt like his head was splitting apart with a headache. All he had wanted was to go home and sleep for the next twenty-four hours, but he’d had to stop by Tony’s lab and tell him something that had seemed important at the time. Of course when he’d walked in there was music playing at an excruciatingly loud decibel, and no sign of Tony among all the bits of machinery. It was too loud for him to even hear himself think, let alone for Tony to hear if he called his name, and not in the mood to play hide and go seek, he’d headed over to the top-of-the-line stereo system and hit the pause button. 
The music kept playing
“What the fuck,” Rhodey grumbled, blinking down at it as he tried to will his brain to work. He hit the button again, wondering if he’d hit the wrong one or something, headache making him stupid, but still the music continued to blare out through the speakers. 
Of course, Tony was constantly taking things apart and putting them back together when he was trying to problem solve. He’d probably rewired it so that off was on and vice versa. Rhodey was too tired to try and figure out what button went where, so he just reached around back and pulled the cord right out of the socket on the wall. 
And the music kept playing. 
“What the fuck?” he shrieked, suddenly wide awake as he jumped back with the cord still in his hand. He pulled a little too hard, and the entire system fell to the floor with a loud crash, but the music still didn’t stop. 
And then: “Rhodey?” 
Rhodey just barely heard Tony’s voice over all the noise, but he whirled around to see Tony standing there with his arms full of spare parts, eyes wide and distressed. Abruptly the music cut off, the room going suddenly, eerily quiet. Rhodey blinked back at Tony, down at the stereo and the cord still in his hand, and then back at Tony. 
“Was this you?” 
“Listen,” Tony nearly tripped over his own feet as he stumbled over to the counter to set the things in his arms down, moving over to Rhodey with his hands held up in a placating motion, like he was terrified that Rhodey was going to run away in fear. “Rhodey, I can explain, I swear. It’s not what it looks like.” 
“Can you control electronics with your mind?” 
Tony’s face fell, and he winced. “Okay, maybe it is kinda what it looks like,” he muttered, staring down at his feet, and for the life of him Rhodey couldn’t figure out why he looked so dejected. 
“Holy shit, Tones,” he breathed, looking around the room with a new appreciation for everything Tony had in there. He grabbed Tony by the forearms. “This is awesome.” 
Tony’s head shot back up, staring at Rhodey with a startled expression. “Awesome?” he repeated, incredulously. The hint of a nervous smile twitched at his lips, like he didn’t want to get his hopes up. “You really think so?” 
Rhodey’s eyes narrowed slightly; he’d known Tony long enough to be all too familiar with the symptoms of Howard Stark’s A+ parenting. “Tony, let me say it again. You can control electronics with your mind. This is the coolest thing I’ve ever heard of! In the first place, I'm pretty sure this qualifies you as a bona fide superhero. And even as far as superpowers go, this is waaaay up there in coolness factor. You could have something lame like cheese manipulation--”
“Cheese manipulation?” Tony repeated, looking confused.  
“But let me say it again. You can control electronics with your mind.”
Tony snorted, but he was grinning now, shy and pleased. “I don’t know about superhero,” he protested. “But thanks. I guess. Although I feel like I should point out, it’s not like I actually did anything.” 
Rhodey ignored that. “How long has this been going on?” he asked instead, finally letting go of Tony’s arms. “Have you always known you could do this? I can’t believe you didn’t tell me sooner.” 
“I mean…” Tony shrugged, rubbed awkwardly at the back of his neck. “Yeah? But when I was a kid I just thought it was normal. It wasn’t like I was around a whole lot of people, I just figured everyone could turn the lights on by thinking about it. And then when I was like five, Howard had a whole entire day where he actually remembered he was actually my dad, and he was showing me something in his lab, and I was so excited to be working with him that my dumb ass said something about being able to hear the electronics and, well… You know Howard.” He shrugged a little, seeming to shrink in on himself. “He looked at me like I was nuts -- like really nuts -- and made me leave, and then later that night I couldn’t sleep and I snuck out of bed to find Jarvis and I heard him whispering to Mom about psychiatrists and mental hospitals and sending me away. Obviously that didn’t happen, and when I didn’t bring it up again they forgot about it, but I guess after that I was scared to ever mention it to anyone.” 
Rhodey blanched. He’d seen the pictures of Tony as a little kid, heard the stories from Jarvis. He couldn’t imagine even considering sending away that sweet little thing to a mental hospital for something as innocuous as telling his father he could ‘hear’ the television. Not for the first time, Rhodey wondered what in the actual fuck was wrong with Howard Stark. He managed a smile for Tony though. 
“Guess I’m just special then, huh?” 
Tony huffed and rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t help his little smile. “Yeah, I guess so.” 
Rhodey huffed right back at him. “Jesus Christ, quit looking so pathetic, you’re breaking my heart.” He wrapped his arms around Tony’s back, smiling to himself at the way Tony immediately melted into it, wrapping his arms around Rhodey’s waist in turn and leaning into his chest, despite the minimal height difference between them. “Listen, Tones. I know your dad’s got money, but that doesn’t mean he’s not a fucking moron. Howard sucks. This is literally the coolest thing to ever happen to me, and it’s not even happening to me.” 
There was a little giggle against his chest before Tony pulled back again. “Yeah?” he asked, smiling but still looking awkward. He let go of Rhodey’s waist and gave a little shrug. “I don’t know, I guess maybe I also kind of always felt like I’m cheating?” 
“Cheating?” Rhodey stared blankly back at him. “I don’t get it.” 
Tony shrugged again, somehow looking even more awkward. “Well you know. People give me all this credit for being smart, and good with tech and--,” 
“Nope,” Rhodey hollered as he figured out exactly where Tony was going with this. “Let’s just shut that shit down right now. You're using your natural talents to the best of your abilities. Would you consider…” 
He trailed off, trying to think of a good example, and Tony arched an eyebrow at him. 
“Captain America having the ‘ability’ to take on a tank cheating?” he offered with a wry grin. “Yeah, I absolutely would.” 
“Nope,” Rhodey said again. “Not the same at all.” 
“You’re the one who literally just compared me to a superhero,” Tony grumbled, but his smile looked a little more genuine now. 
“Still, not the same,” Rhodey insisted. “You were born with this, it’s not something you injected into your eyeballs.” 
“I don’t think…” Tony started, but stopped at the look on Rhodey’s face. 
“You’re not cheating any more than... Stephen Hawking is cheating,” Rhodey decided on finally. “He uses his brain to the best of its ability, and so do you. Besides, lotsa people have natural talent without a clue what to do with it. You’ve got both, so… Not a cheater.” 
“That’s a terrible conclusion. Not a bit of proof. It’s a hypothesis at best.” Tony was grinning though, that shy little smile that he got when he didn’t want Rhodey to know exactly how pleased he was. 
“I’m serious, Tones,” Rhodey insisted, because the best way to get Tony to really relax was to bully him into it. “This? Is cool. Think about all the things we can do with this!” 
“‘We?’” Tony repeated, voice dry. 
Rhodey ignored him. “You can fix my car for me... I’m never going to have to change a lightbulb again...” 
“You’re definitely still going to have to do that, that’s not how electricity works.” 
“You can get revenge on that asshole at the coffee shop who always makes my coffee wrong. Swear he does it on purpose,” Rhodey continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “Hey! Can you do that thing in the movies, when you make money shoot out of the ATM?” 
Tony snorted, but he was fully beaming now, concerns apparently forgotten. “This all sounds like a whole lot of me doing the work while you get the benefit. What’s in it for me?” 
“Tony, baby.” Rhodey threw his arm over Tony’s shoulder and gave him his most obnoxious wink. “That’s what friends are for.” 
He waggled his eyebrows at him and headed for the door, busting up laughing when all he got was an indignant, “We’re boyfriends, asshole,” from behind him.
@tonystarkbingo  
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ghostiewriter · 3 years
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67/76 for hurt! Kiara and protective! JJ
OKAY SO😂I couldn’t decide between ansgty or goofy so I kinda mixed them, more towards the goofy side though since I have a few angsty prompts coming up! But yes, hope you enjoy! This does mention blood and injuries, just an fyi to people!
Word Count: 1.8K
Prompts: “I’m afraid.” // “I think you need stitches.”
This was supposed to be their chill day.
The day that was reserved for just them. No pogues, no adventures, no crazy ass plans. Just JJ and Kie.
Some may even call it their date day—although according to Sarah, hanging out and getting high does not count as a date. The couple were inclined to agree, these days weren’t a new occurrence. It was often how they spent their days together even before they officially became a couple, except now there was the odd make out session sprinkled throughout and far cheesier flirtation banter. But it was still their day and they cherished it.
The plan was simple enough. Kie had packed some food from the restaurant and grabbed a couple of beers, JJ was in charge of getting some decent joints from his cousin and the two of them would take the Pogue out for the day. It was probably the most romantic you’d ever see the couple get.
They had taken the boat down south along the coastline, it wasn’t very explored in terms of how often the pogues ventured down there but JJ was feeling a bit adventurous. Plus Kie had no arguments as she happily sat back and watched JJ steer, one hand resting on the metal framing in such as casual way whilst the other was on the wheel, but the brunette found herself quite happily distracted by the straining back muscles that were in her line of sight—his tank long abandoned somewhere with the sundress she had slipped on over her bikini for the ten minute drive from her house to the Chateau.
Maybe if either of them had taken a few moments to think about the area they had anchored in or even glanced at a map, the whole situation could have been avoided. So in hindsight, maybe it was slightly their fault for being so reckless. However, Kie was more inclined to blaming the bastards that dump whatever trash they wanted into the ocean, not only because of the harm it caused to the wildlife but apparently humans too.
A couple of beers in, JJ was tugging on her hand to drag her up from her seat as he terribly danced along to the music blasting from the speaker they had brought with them. “C’mon, stop being a bore!” He whined childishly as she begrudgingly got up.
“I’m not being a bore,” She laughed, letting herself sway a little to keep him happy as he continued to mouth the words to ‘Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!’ that was currently playing. “I was enjoying the show.”
“Hm, it doesn’t come for free, ya know.” He murmured as he puckered his lips, making little kissy noises until she finally gave in. And Kie had assumed that would be enough for him, that she could happily indulge in some of the crabsticks she brought. But in true unpredictable JJ fashion, he was throwing her over his shoulder without a warning. Kie squealed, her nails digging slightly into his back so she didn’t flip over.
“JJ, what the hell!” She exclaimed, but the giggles escaping her lips told him that she wasn’t really mad.
“Thought you’d appreciate the view.” JJ replied as he lightly spun around, a grin etched on his face when he heard her laugh harder.
“I don’t know,” She said, staring down at his ass. “I’ve seen better.”
“Oh, you’re going to regret that, Carrera.” He warned.
“I’m afraid,” She giggled back. “Not one of JJ Maybank’s notorious empty threats!”
“Have I told you how hot you look today, Kie?” He asked suddenly in an oddly innocent and un-JJ like way.
“Like I need you to tell me, I know I look great.” She sassed back, letting out a small gasp when she felt him slap her ass. She could practically hear the smirk on his face.
“I think you need to cool down a little.” He retorted, already making his way towards the stern of the boat. Her eyes widened slightly as she tried her best to hold onto him.
“JJ, DON’T YOU DA—AHHH!”
By the time she surfaced, she could already hear JJ’s laughs. She ran her hands through her hair, pushing it out of her face as she looked up at the blond with a glare. He was grinning innocently back at her.
“You look cool in there.” He snickered.
“You’re an ass.” She called back, moving her arms in gentle circles to keep herself afloat.
“Ah, but I’m your ass.” He grinned back and she didn’t disagree. Eventually, she had managed to convince him to come in with her—of course the asshole canon-balled in—the water actually feeling great against the midday heat.
They tried not to venture too far from the boat, although that wasn’t a problem when they realised quickly that most of the surrounding area was just marshy and not great for swimming.
“God, this feels horrible.” Kiara muttered as she glanced down, as though she would actually be able to see much. Still, didn’t stop her from trying.
“I kinda like it,” JJ spoke up, seeming to enjoy himself despite Kiara’s constant requests to head back to the Pogue. “Feels like I’m walking on a marshmallow.” He added nonchalantly.
“Congratulations, your eight year old self’s dream came true,” She commented with a small chuckle, almost as if she was imagining young JJ with his horribly done buzzcut. “Now can we please head back? I’m fucking starving.”
“Geez, you get cranky when you’re hungry.” He teased, promptly avoiding the splash that she had directed his way. He only cackled, yelling that the last one to make it to the boat gets a warm beer before he got his head-start back.
Kie only laughed, calling him a cheater as she followed suit. Except getting out of the marsh was a little harder that she assumed, kicking her feet and swearing under her breath whenever she got stuck again.
She felt a nip—or maybe it was more than a nip but the adrenaline of the competition was coursing through her—and when she went to kick her leg free once again, she felt a sharp pain run up her leg. Kiara didn’t even remember screaming until JJ was on his way back, eyes wide in concern.
“Kie, what’s wrong? What happened?” His eyes glazed over her as though he was trying to see the cause of her scream.
“M-My leg.” She whimpered, feeling her eyes well up with tears as she tried to free her leg once again, only to feel another shot of pain.
“Jellyfish?” He asked but she simply shook her head. “Okay, let’s get you back to the boat.” He murmured, heart racing when he saw some red residue on his hand after he helped her tug her leg free.
It was a hassle but JJ didn’t care, his first priority was getting Kie back somewhere safe and right now, that was the boat. He helped her up before he pulled himself onboard, his eyes falling onto her leg.
His eyes widened when he saw the massive cut on her leg, the lower half of her left leg covered in blood. He could feel his throat closing up, mind racing and hands shaking. Everything around him seemed to drown out as he stared at her leg, and it wasn’t until she felt her tugging his hand and calling his name that he seemed to snap out whatever trance he was in.
“Right, sorry!” He quipped before he grabbed a towel and placed it down on the seats before gently lifting her on top of it. He then disappeared to grab the first-aid kit they kept on board, but Kie didn’t miss the way his hands were a little shaky when he placed it down beside her, fingers fiddling as he attempted to open the box.
She won’t lie, the salt water made it sting like a bitch. It hurt and she probably should’ve been more alarmed at the amount of blood dripping down her leg, but she had never seen JJ so shaken up. She didn’t peg him as the squeamish type, so she couldn’t really understand what’s got him so freaked out.
“Jay…” She whispered softly, placing her hands over his. He finally looked up at her, sniffling slightly and it was then she noticed how red his eyes looked—though she wasn’t sure if that was because he was crying (or trying his hardest not to) or if he had just gotten some salt water in his eyes—but either way, she hated the broken look on his face.
“I-I’m sorry, I should’ve listened to you when you said we should head back.” He began to ramble, not seeming to have control over his words. “I shouldn’t have even thrown you in the water in the first place!”
“JJ, it’s okay.” She whispered, turning her body to face him as much as she could without moving her leg. “This isn’t your fault.”
“I’m still sorry—”
“Nope, no more apologising.” She scolded lightly, giving him a small—and hopefully comforting—smile. “C’mon, Doc, fix me up.” She added, nudging his shoulder a little. She relaxed a little when she saw the small smile on his face.
“Dr Maybank to your rescue.” He huffed out as he opened up the first aid kit, grabbing some wipes before he gently began to clean the wound and surrounding area. She watched him carefully, lip tugged between her teeth to contain her winces. She noticed the little crease between his eyebrows as he focused at the task at hand. If she didn’t feel a shooting pain down her leg every time he even touched it, she would’ve basked in the adorable scene of focused JJ.
“I think you need stiches.” JJ spoke up, staring at her wound with a thoughtful face.
She looked down at her leg, trying not to wince. It was a clean cut, probably from some broken glass hidden in the marsh. And it was deep, but Kiara didn’t think it was stitch-level deep.
“You’re being overdramatic, just need to wrap it up and dose myself up on some paracetamol.” Kie said with a roll of her eyes.
“Hey, I watched Grey’s Anatomy with Pope,” JJ said, hands on his hips as he looked between Kie and her leg. “I think that makes me pretty qualified to say that you need stitches.”
“You watched one episode, dumbass.” She scoffed. “Just drive back, I don’t need you performing amateur surgery on my knee.”
Except it had taken at least fifteen minutes before Kie finally convinced JJ that she was comfortable and fine and that he could stop fussing over her. He only narrowed his eyes at her before pressing a kiss to her forehead and handing her a joint, saying it would help with the pain.
“You know, it’s kinda cute.” Kie called out, moving her eyes away from the passing scenery as she looked at JJ from over her shoulder.
“What is?” He asked.
“Your little protective mama bear side.” She said with a snicker. JJ rolled his eyes in response, but there was a smile on his lips.
“Well excuse me for being a caring boyfriend.” He huffed out.
“I said it was cute!”
“Yeah, yeah! Whatever!”
“Uh oh, mama’s mad.”
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