#and it tastes way better than chicken breast

[durn3h]

Thinking about taking the cottage cheese pill

#a big tub is like 1400 calories and like 140 #grams of protein or something like that #one of those a day and I’ll be lean as fuck in no time #it’s like $5 a tub so a bit expensive #but if I’m eating nothing else it’s actually pretty cheap #and it tastes way better than chicken breast

[number1jeonginstan]

horny bff han jisung has me screaming oh god !!!! imagine han jisung getting caught taking a pic or jerking off and reader acts really bold towards him saying she/they always knew about that and was ready to give him what he wants

A/N: Hi babe! I'm sorry that this took so long, but I wanted to add my own spin on your request, so I hope you like it (Please send something in my inbox or something if you do because I love hearing responses!!) I personally thought this was fun to write!!

WC: .8k

Pairing: Horny!Jisung x 9thmember afab!reader

Warnings: oral(m! recieving), walking in, cum swallowing, idk what else

It was after practice and you were heading back to the dorms. Jisung had left an hour earlier than the rest of you, saying that he wasn’t feeling well. The eight of you didn’t think much of it, going back to practice after he left. 

You bid the rest of the group goodbye as you went back to the dorm. You knew that it was only going to be you and Jisung since Chan and Hyunjin were planning on getting dinner together and Changbin was at the gym, meaning you could make yourself dinner without any interruptions. 

The last time you tried to make dinner with Jisung and Changbin in the house, you burnt the vegetables due to them constantly distracting you. It was nice to finally be able to make yourself a meal that didn’t include unseasoned chicken breasts straight from a package.

As you opened the door to your dorm, you heard a slight whimper coming from Jisung’s door. He must really not be feeling well you thought to yourself. You decided on making Kimchi-jjigae for both you and Jisung so he would feel better. 

It only took 15 minutes to prepare the meal, thankfully you had cooked rice earlier in the morning, so you quickly plated it on a tray for him, taking it to his room.

“Jisung?” you whispered as you opened his door, only to see him with his cock in his right hand and his phone in his left. 

“Oh fuck, sorry!” you squealed, quickly turning around, trying not to drop the food in your hand.

“Holy shit, Y/N” he quickly covered himself with his blanket, tossing his phone aside only for you to see it was a video of you during one of your dance practices. You remember that day, it was particularly hot, and the video was only to see what you had to improve, so you were only dancing in a bra and shorts.

You quickly set the plate tray down at his desk looking at him, his body a bit sweaty and tissues lying around him. 

“Does Sungie need help getting off? Has to watch a video of his member just to get off?”

He gulped as you began to straddle his legs, slowly pulling down the blanket that lay on top of him. His cock hit his stomach, his tip red and covered with pre-cum, you could tell he was close to cumming before you entered. 

“Aww, look at you, so fucking horny all for me”

“Please” he whined, causing you to laugh. You brought your hand to his cock, slowly stroking it as he whimpered underneath you. “Fuck Sungie, you have such a pretty cock, wonder how it will taste?”

He looked at you in shock as you brought the tip of his cock to your lips. His pre-cum was a bit salty, but nothing you couldn’t bear. You licked his cock, before kissing it while looking up at him. His eyes were shut as he slowly petted your head. 

“Fuck y/n, feel so good” he moaned as you began to take the tip of his cock in your mouth, licking the underside of it as you bobbed your head on it, trying to deep throat him in one go. 

“There you go, be a good girl and take my cock” 

He took your hair in his hand, wrapping it around before causing your head to bob up and down on it. You didn’t expect him to gain control so easily, but he didn’t take you off his cock, basically abusing your throat.

“Fuck, baby, good to know I have a fleshlight whenever I need it” he chuckled as you sucked harder, gagging at the way his cock was hitting the back of your throat. You could feel him twitch in your mouth, you knew he was close. 

You moaned loudly as he came into your mouth, his seed shooting down your throat. “There we go, take all of it”

You coughed as he finally removed you from his cock, still tasting the saltiness of his cum in your mouth. He slowly removed himself from you, pulling on his boxers before walking towards the table and taking a sip of the stew you made him. 

He quickly walked back to you, placing his lips against your forehead “Thanks for the food baby, taste delicious, not as good as my cum though” 

He quickly kissed it before leaving you in your head for a second, trying to recollect what just happened. “Yah! Jisung come back here”

“Can’t wait to tell the guys how you helped me, they are going to be excited to finally have their turns after all these years” 

You were so fucking screwed.

#ju <3 writes #ju <3 answers #stray kids #skz #straykids x reader #skz smut #skz x reader #straykids smut #stray kids x reader #stray kids smut #skz han #han jisung smut #han jisung x reader #han x reader #han jisung #han smut #skz jisung #ju's <3 anons

[hot-take-tournament]

HOT TAKE TOURNAMENT!

GREATEST HITS!

Submission 474

vocaloids (and all similar non-Yamaha-owned vocal synths) are bad. all of them.

It's a mockery of the human voice. Frye from Splatoon 3 of all things is the closest we will ever get to having any interesting vocal technique in a voice synth bank. Singing styles around the world are so interesting and take so much skill and you abandon them for a glorified MIDI file? I also blame them for the rise of AI-generated covers, because they first started the devaluing of the human voice and the usage of it as an instrument - a really boring one that will never know advanced or diverse technique. Congrats, Miku made Minecraft, now all of SpongeBob has sang Billie Jean by Michael Jackson. At least the SpongeBob characters have distinct and interesting voices.

[from follow up asks]

hello. vocaloid take submitter here.

i didn't expect my submission to gain as much traction as it did, i thought it was lukewarm at best. i thought there were more vocaloid haters out there. this is tumblr, though, so i guess not. still think vocaloid is ass though.

i will say, it might add context to my take that i myself am a singer and have natural perfect pitch. while i haven't sang in any professional capacity, i've still done some voice training and lots of lower level performances. i have very strong feelings about singing, and hold what the human voice can do in high regard.

i also have a better ear for picking up smaller things in the human voice (re: natural perfect pitch) and the difference between humans and vocaloid is extremely striking to me. no amount of tuning can make a vocaloid not sound lifeless to me, because i will never, ever hear a human voice, and instead of letting the lead of the song Not Be Vocals - which has never been a novel concept - they HAVE to put the voice bank in.

also, re: "frye isn't a voice bank dumbass", congrats! you took away something i felt was actually interesting! god i wish more people knew about more singing styles that they couldn't easily replicate!

while now i know that AI voices are not a continuation of vocaloid, sorry, still think it's bad, go to hell and learn to compose a song without lyrics.

also - still the vocaloid take submitter - to continue:

i will eventually send a link to a playlist of all of the Vocaloid songs i have ever listened to, because i am sure most of the people who think i submitted that think that i do not even know what Defoko is, or that i've heard exactly two Hatsune Miku songs. i know what Defoko is. i know she's entirely computer generated. i've listened to her voice. i still think it's bad. have any of you big shots heard of Big Al? i've listened to him. also bad. it's bad.

Submission 111

I think chicken breast is disgusting and I would rather blend it up into a shake than eat it with my teeth

It’s fast, it’s efficient, it’s nutritious if you add fruits and vegetables. It’s easy to prepare and you can drink it on the go. I need the protein but chicken breast tastes disgusting either way, and I’m tired of putting in so much effort to make the joyless rubbery meat taste good.

My friends and family are wrong, this is the future.

I see some of you not voting! That's cheating!

It's ok if you agree with neither take! Just choose the take you agree with slightly more!

Think of it like choosing the lesser of two evils!

Propaganda is always encouraged, and remember to reblog your favourite polls for exposure!

#tumblr glitched the first time sorry #tournament poll #hot take tournament #tumblr poll #tumblr tournament #tumblr bracket #hot take #unpopular opinion #hot take greatest hits #hot take matchup #vocaloid drama #vocaloid #hatsune miku #miku #voice synthesizer #vocal synthesizers #vocal synth #chicken #chicken smoothie #food #cw food #you did all ask for this #tumblr polls #vocaloid discourse

[samantha-rae-velcher]

Frozen Treat

Jschlatt x Fem reader

Requested by: none

Warnings: Smut! Swearing, teasing.

A/n: 18+ NSFW! If you don't like the warnings please don't read! PLEASE KEEP MY COMMENT SECTION AGGRESSION FREE!

Tag: @goldenstarofthunderclan ❤️

@ogelizasoot 🩷 @youngcreatorlady 💜

___

Y/n and Schlatt were in their kitchen filming themselves making different flavors of ice cream, when she pulled out a bottle of Gatorade.

"Fruit punch Gatorade!" She cheered. "This is gonna be the first item and flavor of ice cream.

"Gatorade?"

"Yeah, baby. I didn't wanna go too crazy on the first one, like you and Ted did with the fuckin Cheeto dust. And no snorting this, I don't have a crisp twenty on me,"

They pulled out the Ice cream maker and a bowl, Y/ n poured in the heavy cream, Gatorade, Sugar, and egg yolks. She mixed it together and poured it into the ice cream maker, clicking the power button.

"How long did you guys have it in there?" She asked.

"About an hour."

Y/n rested her elbows on the counter and leaned on it, Schlatt stepped behind her and wrapped his arms around her stomach, pressing gentle kisses to her neck.

"I have an idea on how to pass that time." He whispered, his hand running down between her thighs.

"Not now, J."

"What?" He asked. "Since when do you say no to me?

Y/n tumed around, pressing both hands against his chest, "We're filming, not fucking,"

"I can edit it out."

"Nooo!" She said in a sarcastic tone. "I thought you'd fuck me on the counter, then leave it in."

Schlatt chuckled, watching her step past him and go into the livingroom. He took one last look at the ice cream before fallowing her, they plopped down onto the couch and snuggled together. Schlatt turned on the TV and switched it to something they both felt like watching. A devious smirk spread over Y/n's face as her hand slowly made it's way across his thigh, and down to his cock. She began palming him through his sweats before he took her hand. moving it away and holding it against his chest.

"We're filming not fucking, remember?" He asked.

Y/n looked around, "Do you see a camera facing us."

Schlatt smiled, leaning close so his lips were touching her ear. "You're gonna regret pushing me away in the kitchen."

His words sent a shiver down her spine, causing her to blush and snuggle her face into his neck.

___

1hr later

"Well we're back!" Y/n said, scooping ice cream into two bowls. "And it's done...I think, it sure looks done."

Schlatt sat on his stool next to her and grabbed one of the bowls, "Let's see what this tastes like. By the way, she picked Gatorade.

"Yeah, it's better than fuckin spinach and hot Cheetos!"

Schlatt nodded, taking a spoon full of ice cream and savoring the flavor once it was in his mouth.

Y/n shrugged, setting down her bowl.

"It's good. It wouldn't be my go-to. I like that it's not over powered with flavor."

Schlatt nodded again, "Yeah, it's alright. Nothing special."

"Now you pick a flavor."

He closed his eyes and pulled a paper bag out from under the sink, taking the new flavor out. The two of them groaned when they saw it was chicken seasoning from ramen.

This is gonna be fuckin gross." Schlatt said.

"You never know till you try it."

Y/n grabbed the large bowl off the counter and brought it over to the sink. As she began to rinse it off, Schlatt stepped behind her and slid his hands up her sides, making his way to her breasts.

Y/n whimpered when she felt his thumb brush against her nipple, and his lips trail hot kisses down her neck.

"Babe-"

"You tell me to stop and I'll bring you upstairs, tie you to the bed and fuck you till you cry."

"...Stop"

Schlatt pulled away, grabbing her arm and taking her upstairs. Y/n let him push her onto the bed, tie her down and watched as he began unbuckling his belt.

"You didn't wear a bra, full knowing i'd touch you. You wanted this to happen, didn't you?"

Y/n simply bit her lip and kept watching as he slid his belt from its loops, wrapping it around her neck so it was not too tight and not too loose.

Schlatt smirked, pulling her forward with the belt.

"I asked you a question, pretty girl." He whispered.

"Yes, daddy. I wanted you to touch me."

A shiver ran down her spine as Schlatt slid his hand up her shirt and cupped her breast, rolling her nipple between his thumb and finger.

"Yeah, you like that huh?" He whispered, watching as arched her back into his touch.

Schlatt pushed her back against the bed, climbing on top of her and pulling his cock from his jeans. He leaned closer, his lips nearly touching her ear and he rubbed his cock against her thigh.

"You want this, baby girl?"

"Mhm...y-yes please."

"What nice manners for such a pretty little whore."

Schlatt pulled her shorts and panties down he legs and threw them across the room, he lined himself up with her entrance and planted a kiss against her jaw.

"Hold on to me, baby."

Y/n wrapped her arms around his neck, feeling him push in and immediately begin thrusting hard. Schlatt held the back of her neck as her head was buried in his shoulder, the sound of her whimper everytime he hit that special spot drove him crazy.

"Fuck, you're so tight." He growled.

Schlatt suddenly flipped her over, pressing her head down into the mattress. He pushed back in and pulled on the belt that was still buckled around her neck.

"You like that, princess? You like it when daddy uses this little pussy?"

"M-mhm."

"Lemme hear you say it." He whispered.

"Y-yes, daddy. You fuck me so well."

An arrogant smirk spread over his face as he took out his phone, he when to messages and clicked on Ted's name. Schlatt turned on the voice recorder as his hand slid under her and began rubbing her clit.

"You want me to go harder?" He asked.

Y/n was nearly sobbing at how ruthless his thrusts were, it felt so damn good that she could barely speak.

"I- fuck, J. Y-yes I need more, p-please don't stop."

Schlatt chuckled, his pace speeding up. The phone picking up the slap of skin on skin, Y/n's moans and Schlatt's grunts.

He clicked send, waiting for Ted to reply.

___

Ted was sitting on the couch, munching popcorn and watching TV. His phone binged and without hesitation, he picked it up and clicked play on the voice message.

"You want me to go harder?"

Schlatt's voice asked, fallowed by Y/n moaning. Ted's jaw dropped when he heard just how fast Schlatt was going, his imagination running wild and wondering what she looks like, tears running down her face and her body shaking from overstimulation.

He started thinking of what to say back...

___

"She sounds so pretty." Ted texted.

Schlatt could feel his orgasm approaching, his legs started to shake and his thrust became sloppy.

Y/n cried out as her liquid ran down his cock, pushing him over the edge right after her. He collapsed on top of her, burying his face in her neck.

"You're so beautiful, baby girl." He whispered, peppering her neck in soft kisses.

Y/n wrapped her arms around him, both of them trying to catch their breath.

"J."

"Mhm?"

"W-who did you send that to?"

Schlatt chuckled, pressing a wet kiss to her collarbone. "What are you talking about?"

"It was Ted wasn't it?"

He smirked sucking a dark spot into her skin, making Y/n moan.

"Yeah, he says you sound pretty."

"J, we have to get back to the video." Y/n's voice came out shaky, the feeling of his lips trailing feather light kisses down her stomach made her shiver.

"It can wait, princess. Daddy just wants to taste you."

THE END ❤️

Hope you enjoyed

Reblogs are welcome 🤗

#fyp #fanfic #foryou #foryoupage #x reader #smut #jschlatt imagine #sub jschlatt #jschlatt smut #jschlatt x reader #jschlatt x fem reader #jschlatt x y/n #jschlatt x female reader #jschlatt x you #schlatt x reader #schlatt imagine #schlatt smut #schlatt #schlatt x fem reader #schlatt x you #schlatt x y/n

[roxygen22]

Misophonia

Summary: Timothée learns about your sensitivity to certain sounds. Female reader, boyfriend Timmy.

A/N: pulled from my own experience with self-diagnosed misophonia. Other's experiences may be different.

<><><><><>

You and Timothée were invited out on a double date with his friend, Aiden, and his girlfriend, Krista, at a nice restaurant downtown. You were seated at a circular table between Timothée and Krista. Once initial awkward conversation was out of the way, you and she hit it off once you discovered a mutual love of [insert fandom]. It felt like she was someone you could hang out with one-on-one in the future.

The evening was going smoothly until the salad and bread were brought to the table. It turned out that Krista was terrible at chewing with her mouth closed. You tried to focus on the boys' conversation to tune out the wet sounds of her smacking. You dreaded the main course, knowing you would have to endure more of these maddening noises. You were granted a temporary reprieve to regain composure when she finished her salad, but the entrees were served all too soon.

As Krista dove into her maple-glazed chicken breast, you felt yourself go pale. You stared at your own food and went through the motions of cutting it up and feeding yourself small bites, but you couldn't really even taste or enjoy it due to auditory overload. You felt your palms go sweaty as your breathing became more shallow and rapid. Your knee started bouncing as an outlet for the building panic.

You felt Timothée's hand move to your thigh. "Are you okay?" he whispered in your ear. You would normally enjoy the feeling of his nose grazing your cheek or the heat of his breath on your skin, but the sound of the whisper put you over the edge.

You nodded subtly, though your actions and demeanor demonstrated you were anything but. You dabbed your mouth with the cloth napkin, pushed yourself away from the table, and excused yourself to go to the restroom.

The budding rage gave you tunnel vision as you made your way to the back of the restaurant. Ironically, you didn't hear Timothée get up and follow you. Once you reached the hallway outside of the restrooms, you leaned against the wall with one hand to catch your breath. You whispered your sensory mantra to ground yourself, focusing on what you could see, smell, or feel rather than hear. You startled and spun around when you felt a hand take your free one.

"[Y/N], what is going on?" he asked, his voice laced with concern.

"I'm ok. I just need a minute. Please, just go back to the table."

Timothée made no move to leave you be. "I saw your jaw clench and nose flare. You're mad about something. What happened?"

You shook your head. Maybe later you could unpack just how sweet it was that he paid such close attention to you. "I'm not mad. Not exactly. I- I have trouble dealing with certain sounds. Like gum smacking, candy wrappers, the sound dry cotton balls make when you pull one apart. But smacking especially. It- it's called misophonia. I get...anxious and angry if it continues and panicky if I can't get away from it. Krista's chewing set it off."

"We can leave if-"

"No, no. It's ok. I'll be ok. I'll come back in just a minute." You put a hand to your forehead. "I'm sorry. Please go back and just tell them I needed to visit the restroom. Say the wine went to my head or something." You scoffed. "I'm usually better at dealing with this."

Timothée laid a hand on your shoulder. The weight of it was calming. "We all have...stuff, [Y/N]. I didn't much care for seeing half-masticated food rolling around in her mouth, either."

You giggled quietly, then cast your eyes to the floor.

"Why haven't you talked to me about this before?" he asked solemnly.

You raised your chin to look up at him. He looked sincere, not at all put off by what you had just admitted. "It's embarrassing. It's not exactly something easy to bring up in casual conversation," you replied. "And besides, when it's not triggered, I don't actively think about it. Like I said, I can usually work through it, especially if the exposure is limited."

"But you are miserable until it passes."

You simply nodded in response.

"Oh, [Y/N]," he whispered as he brought his hand to your cheek. "Thank you for telling me. You don't have to deal with this alone. Now I can be more mindful about your known triggers and help run interference before you get to this point." He paused briefly. "Though I don't know how to help once we get back to the table."

"I'll be ok. She should be done soon and dessert is a smaller course. She's otherwise a lovely girl, Timothée. Maybe we could find other...non-dining...things to do with them in the future."

He smiled and nodded. "Sure. I'll head back now that I know you're alright. Join us when you are able." He kissed your forehead and turned to leave.

"Timothée," you called out. He turned at the sound of his name. "Thank you for not making me feel...weird about it."

"Oh, you are weird, [Y/N]" he replied and flashed a grin, which you returned. "But not for that. And I love you for it. You're my weirdo."

You blushed as he turned away once again. You loved that man to the moon and back.

<><><><><>

A couple of days later, Timothée came by your apartment to hang out and watch a movie. He handed you a small box as he entered before plopping down on the couch. You sat down next to him and started to open it.

"I, uh, did some research on misophonia." He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "I read that these may help," he said as you pulled out a set of [insert favorite color] earbuds from the box. "They allow conversational tones through while - hopefully - muffling other unwanted noises."

You felt tears welling in the corners of your eyes as you looked over at him. "Thank you. And they are even my favorite color." He blushed as you kissed him on the cheek.

"Maybe you could try them out during the movie?" he offered. You nodded and set to securing them in your ears while he pulled up the film.

Timothée's purchase was spot on. You were able to hear the movie audio clearly and tune out his distracting yet endearing habit of shuffling through the popcorn bowl to find the pieces with the most butter.

When the credits rolled, he looked over at you inquisitively. "Well?"

"They worked! Thank you."

"Anything for my girl. I couldn't bear to think of all the times you were likely miserable while I was oblivious. And how often I may have unknowingly contributed."

"It's okay, Timmy. I can't expect everyone to tiptoe around me, nor do I want to make people feel self-conscious."

"Have I ever triggered it?"

You just stared at him, unsure of how to proceed.

"The answer is yes if you couldn't quickly say no. Just tell me," he prodded.

You gestured to the popcorn bowl. "This is a good example. The shuffling of popcorn when people grab a handful. It's usually not continuous enough to induce anger. Just annoyance and distraction."

Timothée looked horrified. "Oh...oh, [Y/N], I'm so sorry."

"See, this is why I don't talk about it. There is no use in shaming people for perfectly normal sounds. But the earbuds worked. I hardly noticed when you were digging through the bowl."

"Digging?" He raised an eyebrow in response.

You smiled widely. "You....have a habit of searching for buried treasure rather than taking some off the top."

Timothée blushed. "I didn't even realize. I guess that's weird, huh?"

"That's ok," you said soothingly as you kissed the tip of his nose. "You're my weirdo."

<><><><><>

Masterlist

Tag List:

@croatianprincess

@bluizh

@jindongdongie

@groovyqueer

#misophonia #anxiety #panic #whump #timothée chalamet #timothee chalamet #timothee chalamet x reader #timothée chalamet x reader #timothee chalamet x you #timothée chalamet x you #timothee x reader #timothée x reader #timothée x you #timothee x you #reader insert #female reader #hurt/comfort #established relationship

[bbyurnogoodforme]

Some of my safe foods/meals just for myself to keep track of!

Popcorn! Air popped without any butter or salt is around 30 cals per cup! unseasoned popcorn just tastes better than popcorn with butter imo <3

Sugar free gum bc duh! I really like the watermelon flavored gums cuz they taste soso good and they fill my sweet tooth!

These low cal cookies! 50 cals each, love baking these and pairing them with black coffee <3

Cauliflower rice! 27 cals per cup, and super filling! I dont usually eat it by itself, I like to mix it with some protein or veggies!

Rice cakes bc you know the drill, 35 cals each yum yum, I usually pair plain rice cakes with greek yogurt and a few of these stevia-sweetened dark chocolate chips!

Diet Arizona Green Tea! Tbh just any diet drinks, but this ones a personal fan fav! 0 cals, as all drinks should be <3

Shirataki noodles! Tons of fiber, only 5 cals, and filling! Make sure to look up a good way to prep them! I usually boil and stir fry them before eating them!

Boiled eggs! 78 cals each, but still super good for you <3

Teas, teas, and more teas! Theres a tea for everything from metabolism speeding to sleep aid, drink some tea!

Greek Yogurt! This isn't a revelation I've figured out by myself ofc but still! 100 cals per cup, and super healthy! Plus its a great substitute in a lot of cooking!!!!

Canaloupe! 19 calories for a WHOLE wedge! A whole medium sized canaloupe is 180 cals!

Pickles! 7 cals each and suuuuper yummy imo <3 cucumbers are also a major safe food of mine I have them almost every day for a snack!

Soup!!!!! Tomato soup has around 80-100 cals for a whole bowl and its so yummy imo!!!!

Casabella peppers! (yall know those little peppers at in-n-out?) 10 cals each, literally any peppers are my favs, but my friends love to go to in-n-out together with me and I always love getting a diet coke and some casabellas to munch on <3

Chicken! Just in general! 120 for a whole chicken breast is the best thing ever <3

Almond milk! I've always been lactose sensitive so I've never genuinely had regular milk, plus almond milk is 30 cals per cup and full of calcium which is super important for hair and nails!

Miso Soup! My dad's made this stuff for me since I was a wee little kid, its just one of my favorite foods, period! When i found out it was only 50 cals per cup I was absolutely THRILLED

Healthy Choice power bowl microwaved meals. Oh my goodness absolute godsend! 170 for a whole DINNER!!!! Super filling, high protein, literally just put it in the microwave and bam omgggg its so nice to have these when I need them <3

Strawberries, Watermelon, blueberries! Oh my! <3

Low cal versions of my favorite meals! I've been experimenting with a bunch of low calorie recipes of different stuff and they've all been great! If you like cooking, it can be a great way to keep busy and keep with your goals! My favs so far are low cal pancakes, low cal tortilla wraps, low cal margarita pizza, etc!

I'll add more as I discover more! Stay safe <3

#tw ed #tw disordered eating #ed not sherran #foodspo #mealspo #mealsp0 #safe f00d #safe foods #rice cake nation

[mrchiipchrome]

I hate people who say ‘swearing doesn’t make you cooler it just makes you sound immature’ like bitch I don’t do it for you or to sound cool I do it bc I need to express myself in the way I fucking feel like. Do you expect me to say ‘holy moly I had a really bad lesson’??? Like ffs if I wanna tell my teacher that the lesson went like fucking shit then I should be able to without fucking criticism, I literally don’t even do it for anyone except myself so you can shut your fat ass up and keep failing everything you fucking piece of shit pick me ‘I’m so much better than everyone else because I don’t swear’ ass bitch. Like we’re not even friends so how can you fucking dare try to tell me what to do, unprovoked and unprompted, I don’t tell you to stop being so fucking stupid and yet you are, fucking no ass, no friends, no nothing ass person trying to make me be like her loser ass self like shut the fuck up and disappear not like you’d be missed by anyone you fucking worthless piece of human garbage. Instead of trying to tell me to check my language, try checking the door before you walk in the room you Oompa Loompa, 10000 kg, no sense of style, looking like you got dressed in the dark, paler than a fucking vampire, failure, no one likes you, no bitches, no future ass bitch. She honestly needs to check her superiority complex because she’s truly more pathetic than me trying to find a gf, I swear even if she was the last woman in the world not a single person would hit, looking like an iguana mixed with a trash can and lighter fluid, she looks like the melted version of wheelchair Barbie only if wheelchair Barbie was plus size Barbie, no eyebrows ass bitch, no eyelashes ass bitch, caca eyes ass bitch, shit stained face ass bitch, skid mark ass bitch, looking like her name is skidmore muncy, cankles having ass bitch. When I say that your standards would have to be in Dante’s 8th circle of hell to even look her way I am not fucking lying, her wannabe goody two shoes ass persona is so fucking annoying I swear it makes me want to rip my ears and eyes out the second I hear and see her, and don’t even get me started on her fucking voice that sounds like a giraffes shit hitting your head whilst someone plays an out of tune piano and drags their nails over a chalkboard. Her entire being is like a a cancerous cell, I swear that she’s a failed fucking abortion because there is genuinely no way anyone would willingly give birth to that creature, someone had to have a gun to her mothers head all throughout labour to keep her pushing bc that child would never be born otherwise. I swear I couldn’t be paid to be that annoying ass bitches friend, it would make me even more suicidal than just hearing her from afar would. And she pretends that she’s so good just because she listens to girl in red like fucking congratulations you’re like 90 fucking percent of lesbians, no one cares about your fucking ass music taste because you’re not important, the world doesn’t stop spinning just because you’re listening to some stereotypical artist. I swear she’s like the hitler of the school, you always have to be so fucking politically correct when you’re even near her bc otherwise she’ll start her fucking crying again like shut the fuck up and get a personality. Literally the plain boiled chicken breast of the school, she doesn’t even realize that no one likes her, and that people are only remotely nice to her because they feel bad that she has the personality of a piece of coal, she’s more boring than the word boring. She’s a pimple on the day you take the school pictures, she’s an air bubble in your veins, she’s that fucking annoying ass hoe you never want to see but always do, she’s the paper McDonald’s toys, she’s a hole in the bottom of your shoe on a rainy day, she’s the ball that hits you in the face in PE, she’s everything i strive not to be both looks wise and personality wise because if I end up like her I would legit kill myself.

[themirokai]

I did my at-least-annual tradition of making my family’s chicken soup recipe on Sunday, and I took process photos, so I thought I’d share. Here’s what I have written down but for all its vagueness it’s still not accurate.

I think every generation has modified some stuff about the process and tweaked it for their particular tastes.

Instead of using a whole chicken, I use a split chicken breast (2 halves) plus a pack of chicken thighs (4). I like this better because the ratio of meat to fiddly bits is better and Surfski likes CHICKEN soup (lots of chicken per bowl). You could easily use half a breast or one or two fewer thighs, but I think the mix of white and dark meat is important for flavor.

Next is something I added to the recipe after reading Salt Fat Acid Heat. I salt my raw chicken and let it sit out for at least half an hour before I put it in the water. I think this helps the chicken hold flavor through the cooking.

While the chicken is sitting (so a change from the order of the recipe) I chop a large sweet onion plus the carrots, celery, and parsnips. I think I used 5 skinny stalks of celery, 4 carrots and 5 parsnips, but especially given the size variability you’ve got to judge this based on vibes. How much of each vegetable does your heart tell you that you need in your soup? The one exception to this is if you are not familiar with parsnips and you are considering skimping on them or leaving them out. That is not your heart. That is the devil and you must resist. Trust me on this and use about as many parsnips as carrots.

The next step was added by my great aunt who was a genius in the kitchen (also very good at refurbishing antiques but that’s less relevant). You heat up some butter and olive oil and sautee your vegetables in it. Yes it makes another pan to clean but it’s completely worth it. You don’t cook it for long! Just until the carrots and celery get bright and the onion is just starting to get translucent and everything is a tiny bit soft.

Ok, set the veg aside but I highly recommend snacking on some of the parsnips at this point. Every time I make chicken soup it always makes me want to make roast parsnips and I always forget when I’m meal planning.

Next it’s chicken time! Load your chicken into a big heavy pot and cover it with water. I just barely cover it because I’m going to need room for lots of veg.

Put that on your biggest burner and boil it. It will take a while to come up to a good boil. Once it’s boiling it will start to foam. This stuff.

Ick. Skim that off and throw it away.

Now, when the foaming is done, turn down the heat and dump in your veg. Mix it all in there then put your bunch of dill on top. Make sure you take off the twist tie or anything else holding the dill together.

My mom added this next step which she got from a friend of hers. It’s this shit called Better Than Bouillon.

You can use the plain chicken variety. Roast chicken is just what my grocery store had. I’m not 100% sure what it is but it really does add gorgeous flavor to the soup. I put one big spoonful in a big pot. This is what it looks like out of the jar.

Now you let everything cook together until the chicken is cooked. How long will that take? 🤷🏻‍♀️ Depends on the size of your chicken pieces and how high you have the heat, etc. When you think it might be done, pull out your biggest piece of chicken and poke it. It should be white and firm. If it is, pull the rest of the chicken out too and turn the heat way down but leave the veg and the dill in to simmer.

Now you walk away. Go scroll tumblr. Read a chapter of a book. Draw something. But you gotta let the chicken cool down.

Why? Because you’re going to shred that with your fingers and you don’t want to burn your fingerprints off. Or maybe you do. I don’t know your life.

Anyway, this is a good spot for me to stop and hit post because I’m on mobile and I’ll run up against the 10 image limit.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this so far! The rest of the recipe and the end product will be in a reblog.

#miro irl #cooking with miro #family recipe #cw meat #cw food #chicken soup #chicken soup recipe #long post

[arachnxphobe]

random miguel hcs

will not admit it but he has cried to multiple animated kids movies

definitely the classics like toy story 3, the iron giant, and inside out

but he also BAWLED at the end of finding nemo because he was thinking about gabriella

he thinks that toothless from how to train your dragon is cute

no i will not elaborate on that

secretly celebrates st patrick’s day

likes to wear something green under his suit or have one piece of decor hidden in the depths of his office

has really low spice tolerance BUT really likes it and also he has a reputation to keep up as the big and tough guy so he WILL try and hide how much water he is chugging

he likes the dad ice cream flavours like pistachio and rum raisin

but hates dad hobbies like golfing or collecting stuff like antique coins or dioramas

he just doesn’t have the patience for it

can cook and bake!!!! actually scratch that he can do all of the chores and is basically a househusband but is simply unwilling to do it

peter b may or may not have gotten him a kiss the cook apron that may or may not be the only apron he owns…

he could 100% have gourmet meals every day but he doesn’t have anyone to impress but himself so most days he just lives off of the sealed, pre-cooked chicken breasts from the convenience store and reheated rice that he makes in a big batch once a week

because yes chicken can be store bought but microwaved rice tastes too much like chemicals, especially for his heightened taste buds

is a shower guy

he thinks that baths are too inefficient and most tubs can’t fit him

but if you somehow manage to find one that’s big enough…oh boy he’ll act like you are waterboarding him but honestly he’s having the time of his life

competitive as hell, even when he acts like he could not care less

like he does not understand the concept of letting somebody else win, why is he handicapping himself and letting them think they’re better than they actually are?

he doesn’t mean it in a way to establish dominance or superiority

he just thinks that it’s weird to let someone win because wouldn’t lying to them be worse? now they can’t even improve

designed his own suit and probably gets a little bit self conscious when someone comments on it because he really isn’t an aesthetics guy but he worked really hard and is proud of his suit 🥺

was perhaps a little bit salty about the dark garfield comment but you didn’t hear that from me

please never trust him with naming or decorating though because if left on his own, it’s either going to be the most disgusting combination of items ever known to man or quite literally the bare minimum

don’t even think about a bed frame, there’s a chance that he doesn’t even have a mattress

he’s good with personal hygiene though

a slight germaphobe in the sense that he wants everything to be sterile (a habit he picked up from always being in the lab) but is more than okay with getting his hands dirty, just as long as he can thoroughly sanitize them afterwards

a terrible movie watcher

he either does not understand the movie whatsoever and keeps on asking questions that they just answered a minute ago

or he’s ripping them apart for their weird pseudoscience

honestly his ranting ends up being more entertaining than the movie at times

be prepared for a full lecture if you don’t stop him at some point though

i’ve heard a lot of people throw out spanish songs that they think he would listen to but might i suggest some non-spanish songs

he gives me doja cat vibes, don’t ask me, i just feel it

personally, i don’t think he would actively listen to kpop or be into the fan culture but he probably enjoys some songs without even realizing they’re kpop

i’m thinking newjeans and maybe epik high??

ABBA

mitski and hozier (where are my depressed wlw at) because you know that when he’s in his brooding self hating mood that he needs suitable bgm

HATES cruises

something about being on water does not vibe with his spider-catness

neither does the overall cruise ship experience

hot tubs and buffets just don’t really do it for him

there’s not much space for privacy except for your own room but even then the walls are fairly thin

so it’d be nearly impossible for him to get any sort of peace

me and the rest of the internet all seem to have agreed that he has insomnia and i feel like a cruise ship would not help whatsoever

would complain about how the mexican food is just what americans think mexican food is like

is too much of a workaholic to take an extended break, and it’s too difficult to jump back into work should there be an emergency

#i am mentally unwell but i am free #do i know where these came from? #no they simply spawned from the void #miguel o'hara #across the spiderverse #atsv #miguel o’hara hcs #miguel o’hara headcanons #atsv hcs #atsv miguel

[jomiddlemarch]

haste away

“How can there be a cherry without a stone?” John sang, letting the melody strengthen the words, memories of singing on the ship when they’d left harbor, of singing courting Mary with a nosegay of pink blossoms, of singing when his mother and grandam spun wool after the evening meal had been cleared, rising up with each note. The sand in front of his feet had been raked an hour earlier, each grain mimicking some perfection the Japans sought in the littlest things. 

“How can there be a chicken without a bone?” he went on, John again and not Anjin, not barbarian or stinking dog, the slurs they’d thought him too stupid to learn. 

They bathed overmuch and he’d never met a dog who wasn’t a canny beast, most loyal, a true companion.

He wasn’t offended.

“You have a fine voice,” Mariko-sama said. She’d come into the courtyard without his notice, her gait silent, her grace making her one with the air. She had the ease of water, the subtlety of shadow. 

“I don’t deserve such praise,” he said. William Blunt, that great ruddy ox of a man, had sung them all half-way round the world, and young Hal Moody had lifted such a voice as would make a man weep and fall to his knees in prayer. Both had died during the Erasmus’s voyage. His own voice was full and deep, but of no particularly notable timbre, a baritone that might dip into bass, capable of carrying the tune but of no other talent.

“I’ve never heard a hatamoto sing,” she said.

“I beg pardon if I’ve brought dishonor to my lord Toranaga,” he said. It was so easy to be found in error. He consoled himself even the Queen’s most accomplished courtier could not do better and would likely have had his head lopped off much sooner, too prideful to admit any mistake.

“It is not condemnation I offer,” she said. “Among your people, this is common?”

“Yes. Man and woman, boy and girl, servant and lord. As you may surmise, we amuse ourselves with simple songs and the best musicians entertain the Queen. Many demonstrate their devotion in hymns offered to God’s glory,” he said.

“And what you were singing, that was a hymn?” she said. He’d sung in English, so she would not have understood the words. He smiled instead of laughing.

“No, it’s only an old song, from the countryside,” he said. “I learnt it as a child.”

“Will you tell me what the words are?” she asked.

“It’s a riddle song,” he said.

“A riddle?”

“Mayhap I’ve chosen the wrong word in Portuguese. It plays with words, some trickery…It asks, how can there be a cherry without a stone and the answer is when the cherry is in flower,” he said, taking his time and trying to think how she would hear what he said. Her gaze was steady on him but there was a slight furrow on her brow and she pursed her lips fleetingly, an unremarkable shift for any woman John could think of in England; for Mariko, it suggested she grappled with a tremendous conundrum, yet one that intrigued rather than distressed her. He shoved aside the sudden urge to kiss that sweet mouth, a desire unworthy of her though he could not scold himself overmuch for the impulse.

“Are all the answers similar?” she said.

“Yes,” he replied, recalling the lyrics, how he’d struggled as a boy to construe them. How the wind had taken them from his lips as the ship’s bow leaned into the waves’ crest. He’d been dreaming less of England but the dreams that came were more vivid. His life in the Japans seemed like the only real one except for moments when he was John Blackthorne of London, the taste of a roasted chestnut burning his tongue, the sharp cry of his son in his cradle, wanting his mother’s breast. That was the riddle now, what was real, where he belonged if he was not going back out onto the sea’s billow.

“They are about time, then. About how the past lurks and the future beckons. How we may be deceived by the present,” she said. 

“I hadn’t thought of it so before,” he said.

“Another revelation for you,” she said, her tone very tranquil but still he heard the faint hint of mirth. 

“You find me the greatest fool,” he said, shrugging, feeling the smooth weave of the robe he wore against his shoulders. He hadn’t had a garment made of such exquisite material before he’d been cast up on these shores. It was a riddle how he had come up and down in the world all at once, one that would make his head ache if he tried to solve it.

“That is not how I would put it, Anjin,” she said.

“A fool can be wise. Can speak truly when other men must hold their tongues or lie to save their necks,” he said. 

“Not here,” she said. It was a warning, one he hadn’t needed.

“I hadn’t thought so. I haven’t seen much proof any lord would find a jest to their liking,” he said.

“You are the most curious man I’ve ever met,” she said. She dropped her eyes, focused not on some distant point as she withdrew within herself, but looked to her feet, peeping out from her silk skirts. It was a shy gesture, as if she had found herself coquetting within meaning to, younger than he’d ever believed possible.

“Do you sing, Mariko-sama?” he asked.

“Only to my son when he was small,” she said. She knew he’d seen the boy when they left, a stripling, soon to sprout his first beard. It had been years, then, since she had sung.

“I won’t ask you to sing for me,” John said. “But you may ask me. Or tell me to be quiet.”

“This is your household,” she said. “You are allowed more eccentricity within its walls.”

“I’ll bear that in mind,” he said.

“I play the koto. Not as beautifully as I should,” she said. 

“I should like to hear you one day,” he replied, inclining his head, glancing at her to gauge her reaction. She accepted what he’d said, liked that he’d made the gesture. He could live a dozen lifetimes and still count himself barely cognizant of her mysteries.

“Perhaps. Perhaps when the cherries bloom again. You might sing your song then, with the petals falling,” she said, offering up the vision to him. She would be sitting nearby and the rosy petals would drift around her, only one daring to land on her black hair. Another springtime, the yearning he felt for her would be transformed into a longing that was like the tide’s need for the shore, his affection encompassing as the delicate fragrance of the flowering trees, around, drawn deep within, sustaining. He would sing and hear his voice as the Lord might, all dross cast away, time and Mariko’s eyes his crucible. He would sing and when he finished, she would smile in welcome.

He would take that one petal from her hair.

She would not play her koto for him.

He would not be disappointed.

#shogun 2024 #john x mariko #john blackthorne #toda mariko #John POV #singing #romance #parents #cultural differences #pining #lost in translation #john blackthorne sings #decided against a sea shanty

[ashthemadwriter-archived]

could you write akutagawa x atsushi's twin sister reader, being caught making out by atsushi?

Fandom:Bungou Stray Dogs

Pairings:Akutagawa X Fem!reader

Genre:Fluff, Humour, Suggestive

Format:One Shot

Warnings:NSFW content, Suggestive Content but not actual smut, heavy make out session

Word Count:0.8K

A/n:well this series is definitely popular lol. here you go baby

not proofread hehe

Dating Headcanons | Pregnancy One Shot

"Pour the tea on the mixture of rice and shredded chicken breast, and mix it together...like this"

You turned your head at your boyfriend who was observing your bowl of Chazuke closely, as he reached for his own and tried to do as you told him to.

"Like this?"

"Yup! And thats it! Ready to be served"

Date nights in your relationship were always simple, yet so enjoyable. What more could you ask for, other than staying at home, and enjoying the presence of your boyfriend who was too caught up with work these days to have some time for himself?

He needed a break, and you knew that better than anybody, because the signs of tiredness were super obvious on his face, no matter how hard he was trying to hide it.

Akutagawa prefered staying at home, and you didn't want to make him uncomfortable, so you asked him to come over and forget about the reservation you had for your anniversary at a fancy restaurant.

"Hey! How come yours taste better even though you barely cook? And it's literally your first time making this!" You whined with a small pout on your face, before gently punching him in the arm. It was amazing how skilled he was at cooking despite rarely doing it.

" I dont know... I just did what you'd told me to" He mumbled, slowly reaching the spoon to have a taste of his little masterpiece.

It really is delicious.

"Well damn, Ryuunosuke! Cant believe you've been hiding your cooking skills from me! gotta teach you a lesson"

"Shut up, and I told you to stop mimicing Chuuya-San's tune. Its annoying"

"I know. Why do you think im still doing it?"

From the first moment he laid eyes on you, Akutagawa knew that you were a tease. Bickering over the simplest stuff like books with you turned into bickering about which side of the bed to take. Neither of you really cared, but he was competetive and unfortunately you were aware of that.

"So... What else have you been hiding up your sleeves from me?"

At this moment, Akutagawa had trouble choosing which was more attractive, your playful tune or the cocky smile you had on.

"I dont have anything hidden up my sleeves, but i do have something in my pants that might catch your interest"

"Wha- "

Your smile was immediately replaced with a widened mouth which was not exactly enough to show how surprised and taken aback you were, but he could work with that.

And now it was his turn to be smiling.

"How- You learned that from Dazai didn't you?"

"...I might have"

"Damn!"

"Shut up!"

"Make me"

Akutagawa simply roled his eyes at your words, acting like he wasn't dying to hear these words from your mouth from the moment he arrived at your house.

"Fine, if you insist"

it was only a matter of time before his lips crashed into yours, starting a furious battle between the two of you to take authority. Where was this urge coming from? He didnt know, but he did know how to satisfy it.

The sweet taste of the strawberry flavoured candy he brought you earlier appeared really magestic to him. He wanted more, so he focused on the soft, sensitive base of your lips as his tongue slipped inside your mouth; and fortunately that didn't stop him from placing his hand on your clothed sex.

Akutagawa was a fast learner, and he knew just the perfect way to fluster you due to past "experiences".

You suddenly lost track of time, too lost in a fog of euphoria to notice what was happening around you; so when you found yourself almost naked, having nothing but a claret set of lingerie on as he was giving you goosebumps by burning the sensitive skin on your neck, you were surprised.

Only if you had the opportunity to tell him how unpredictable and charming he actually was.

Akutagawa's hand went down on your body, landing on your laced panties to take them off, when you suddenly heard the door getting opened.

"Y/n! I bought us dinn- "

Atsushi was frozen in the spot the second he laid eyes on you, and where Akutagawa's hand was of course.

The sound that was filling the room changed from your heavy breathing and silented moans, to a deadly silence.

You were comfortable around your brother, but your flushed cheeks and embarrassed expression showed that this case was a bit different than usual.

Atsushi shared the same expression as you, of course.

"You...you...lock the damn door!"

Atsushi barely cursed, but you knew that things were serious when he did.

Akutagawa however, seemed more irritated than embarrassed; and Atsushi could clearly see that.

"And you...I hope someone does this to your sister!"

Atsushi slammed the door behind him and ran toward the stairs as he was trying to get out of Rashumoun's approach, wishing to forget the scene he'd just witnessed.

He didnt even let you remind him that locking the door was pointless, since he also lived there and happened to have a key.

Reblogs are really appreciated :)

#bungou stray dogs #bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd imagines #akutagawa fluff #akutagawa smut #akutagawa ryuunosuke #bsd akutagawa #Akutagawa ryuunosuke x reader #akutagawa imagines #ryuunosuke akutagawa #akutagawa x reader #akutagawa x y/n #AshTheMadWriter

[blindmagdalena]

stop I’ve been thinking about this all day 🥹🥹how would homelander react to s/o making dinner for him but she’s acc a really bad cook and he has to pretend the food is good but she knows he’s lying and he then comforts her <3333

The dish smells... interesting.

"Looks great, babe," Homelander says, lying straight through his pearly white teeth. "What's that, are these roasted chest nuts?" He asks, using his fork to push one of the brown, slightly blackened little spheres around on his plate. You pause, looking up from your own plate. "No... they're brussel sprouts."

Oh, Christ. Maybe they were brussel sprouts.

His smile doesn't falter, but he can feel his stomach clench in preemptive rejection. "Yummers." Perhaps it won't be so bad. Some things taste better than they smell. Noting that you're still watching him, visibly nervous about his reaction, he shoots you a reassuring wink. Homelander jabs his fork into the brussel sprout, deeply concerned by the audible crunch it makes. The things we do for love.

Popping it into his mouth, Homelander bites down, his teeth snapping through each charred layer of leaf until he reaches a texture vaguely discernable as brussel sprout-like. "Mmmmmmm," he hums loudly, biting back a cough. What the fuck is that seasoning? Is that turmeric? He clears his throat, maintaining that too-wide, closed mouth smile as he chews. "Mmm...hmmmm...." "Oh god, it's awful, isn't it?" You ask, shoulders sagging as you look down at your own plate. You only made a couple of substitutions to the recipe! Though you did forget to set a timer, so maybe things got a little... dark. You groan, putting your face in your hands. Choking down his bite, Homelander pushes his chair out. "Heyyy, heyyyyy," he coos, moving to your side. He puts both hands on your shoulders and leans in to kiss the top of your head. "I think that it's... a great first attempt," he says, glancing down at your plate. Jesus, why did you cut the chicken breast like that? It looks flayed. "So it is awful," you say morosely. Homelander finds himself genuinely worried for your sense of smell. "Well... It isn't good," he admits at last, half smiling and half grimacing. You look up at him, utterly defeated, with tears welling in your eyes. "I really tried." Homelander hushes you, pressing a kiss to your forehead. "I know! I know you did. It shows. You cooked the hell out of it," he says, gesturing to your plate. "Look at that. Dead as a doornail. And that chicken? Never gonna cross another road." You laugh through your own tears, giving him a gentle push. "Stop." "No, really. I could show off the hack job on that chicken as an interrogation tactic," he says, picking up your knife to follow the lines you made into the meat. "Truly terrifying work." "It's called a butterfly cut," you say defensively, smiling despite yourself. It's disappointing, but the way he's holding you against his chest as he playfully roasts your abysmal dinner is a surprisingly effective balm. Homelander laughs. "Sure it is, chef Ramsay." Sighing, you pull out your phone. "I'll order something in. Burgers?" "Burgers," he confirms, kissing your temple. Cupping the side of your face, he wipes one of your tears away with his thumb. "Try again tomorrow, alright?" "You're sure? At this rate, I might poison you." "C'mon. Not even your cooking could kill me," he says through a devilish little grin. You gasp, his devil-may-care attitude rubbing off on you, deteriorating that initial heartbreak. "You're a wicked man." "Well," Homelander purrs, tilting your chin up to kiss you. "I could be. How about you serve me a little appe-teaser in the bedroom?" "Incorrigible," you accuse, standing up to kiss him properly, looping your arms around his neck. He puts his hands on your hips, holding you close as he kisses you until your tears dry, leaving only contentment in their wake. "Thank you," you say quietly after a time, resting your forehead against his. He smiles, gentle and intimate. "Any time."

In the end, the burgers are good, but it's the after-dinner snuggles that really save the night.

#homelander x reader #homelander x you #i really did mean for this to be much shorter but i say that every time don't i HAHA #fluff #my writing #ask and you shall receive #darling anon

[arctic-hands]

My milk journey has been

First meal: rice porridge with breast milk

Start dropping weight and can't stay out of the bathroom by age seven, get told to avoid dairy so mom buys Lactaid milk for a year. Whole family despises it and Mac and cheese in particular is now terrible and avoided. I'm still very sick anyway

Be diagnosed with Crohn's at age nine. Resume consuming regular dairy

Twelve-ish: begin to feel a little distress at eating ice cream. Does not stop me from accepting a Dairy Queen cheesequake blizzard reward for single handedly winning a science class quiz game that was supposed to be played in teams but no one wanted me. By sheer force of will and remarkable sphincter control for an IBD patient, mange to wait it out get home that day before having a violent reaction.

Thirteen: throw up violently at school after having cheese sticks for my free lunch. Convince myself it was just the greasiness of the meal that set me off

Fourteen: go into high school conceding the point that I'm lactose intolerant. Unsuccessful at lobbying the head principal to provide lactose free strawberry milk. Start paying more money than a lunch would have even cost if I didn't qualify for free lunch at the snack bar for juice or V8 in order to not go thirsty at lunch. Repeatedly throw up when the only option for lunch other than the very popular spicy chicken every Wednesday that I couldn't tolerate mouth-wise or gut-wise was the same cheesesticks that I had in middle school

Sometime later in high school: discover the Meijer's house brand of lactose free milk actually tastes decent.

Seventeen-ish. Find a hair in the carton of Meijer's lactose free milk and swear off it forever. Try rice milk

(Also an aside at seventeen: develop celiac disease and I thanked my lucky stars that it was polite enough to have waited until I was done with wildly ableist school and too old to trick or treat)

I forget which age but I was a fresh and new adult: discover rice milk ice cream. Desperately pretend it tastes and feels like real ice cream.

Shortly after: try coconut milk. It's tasty, but hardly a neutral milk-like taste and doesn't go well when mixed with other ingredients. Coconut milk ice cream is likewise lackluster

Nineteen? Discover the boxed and shelf stable almond milk. Begin to have hope.

Twenty: find out they started making a cartoned and refrigerated almond milk that tastes brilliant

Twenty three? Realize I have forgotten the taste of dairy milk. Almond milk reigns Supreme

Twenty-six: find out what an environmental menace the non-native aimond trees used in American almond milk is to drought-stricken California. Feel guilty but also feel like there's no real way to avoid drinking almond milk

Twenty-eight: Oat milk explodes in the plant milk scene. I ignore this because there's a high likelihood of cross contamination with wheat in both the field crop and in the processing of oats in the same facilities of wheat. No major and common oat milk brands have any gluten free signage

Twenty nine: Oatly converts its American version to gluten free oats brown in dedicated fields and processing facilities. Try it and it's decent. (CAUTION: some celiacs have a reaction to oats themselves regardless of any cross-contamination. I, however, am not one of them.) Become mostly fully converted to oat milk but still keep ordering almond milk when I get an iced coffee because Dunkin and the anarchist coffee shop/bookstore never label which brand of oat milk they use and you're a millennial and despise phone calls

Thirty: Planet Oats is a bit cheaper so I try it on a lark and like it better. Be bummed that it comes in a smaller carton that Oatly and thus is more expensive in the long run. Start putting oat milk in my oatmeal and have a religious crisis because it seems like a decadent and cardinal sin. Remember I'm an atheist and it's okay to be a lil hedonistic and perverse esp where food is concerned

Nearly thirty-one: realize halfway in making this post that it's entirely boring and pointless and is too long for such an uninteresting subject but goddammit I've sunk the cost and will finish this stupid post.

#long post #stupid things #milk #nut milk #plant milk #lactose intolerance #food

[h0neyfreak]

I’m gonna share another very useful approach to life as an adult with ADHD: cooking and nutrition edition.

The American idea that dinner is “meat/protein with a veggie and a side” and that this is somehow an easy thing to prepare is a lie. That’s so much work. Sometimes I like making a meal that requires a lot of effort but that’s not sustainable for my average weeknight dinner.

I would like to instead introduce you to my world of Sauce Based Cooking. It is predicated on the idea that the “one pan meal” is not a category of recipe but rather a decision made by the chef. There are some deviations (some meals require a pasta pot and/or sheet pan) but that’s still way less than a lot of recipes call for. If it requires a blender, simply close the link and step away.

Rules for Sauce Based Cooking Freedom:

Have more spices/flavorful pastes than you know what to do with. Better than Bouillon and miso paste and curry paste and spice mixes etc etc. You are not running an authentic Tex-Mex restaurant from your kitchen just get the taco seasoning packets.

If you eat meat, you should be buying bone-in skin-on chicken thighs. Not chicken breasts. You can braise a chicken thigh for two hours and it will only get tastier and better. Cooking a chicken breast is stressful and requires a level of precision im not prepared to give to a chicken.

Focus on learning to make tasty BASES. You have learned if you make it and it tastes good to you. Nail down a good cream sauce, perfect your 20 minute marinara, learn a coconut curry, figure out the basic components of a marinade. Add some ground ginger to your chicken soup and thank me later. Then cooking is just beating protein and veggies into submission under your sauces and above your grains.

Don’t try and make ~dishes~. I call this “Zelda cooking.” You need something that you enjoy eating and gives you the nutrients you need to function. Prep vegetables and proteins you like and dump them into a sauce you also like. Add some polenta or bread or rice or couscous or any other grain to soak up the sauce and make it filling and satisfying. 9 times out of 10 it’s gonna work. The only decision you need to make is the flavor profile of the sauce.

Buy the precut vegetables. I know. It feels wasteful. So much plastic. But I promise you it’s way more wasteful to throw out half your groceries and order Uber eats 5 days in a row because you never managed to chop an onion. It’s okay. Precut/frozen vegetables and canned ingredients and prepared food items are going to be your lifeline. I can turn a rotisserie chicken and plastic tub of mirepoix (pre chopped onions, celery and carrots) into a delectable soup with just things in my pantry at this very moment.

Same as above but line the pan with foil. Save yourself a dish.

Add at least one vegetable to everything you cook. This might be controversial but you need fiber. And all sorts of other vitamins and minerals that things like kale and carrots and sweet potatoes have. My go to is canned chickpeas. A jar of marinara plus some canned chickpeas and kale is suddenly a hearty and filling topping for pasta that’s gonna satisfy me way more than just the pasta and sauce. And all I had to do was dump a can and a bag into the pot. That’s not a dish that really exists or has a recipe but it’s Sauce Based and I eat it a lot.

Keep some fortified cereal (most cereal is fortified by default) and trail mix on hand. Sometimes I get in a funk and order a lot of takeout or just eat a lot of carbs and not much else and then get woozy because I’m a little dumb and don’t eat a lot of animal products so all my Nutrients are low and that makes cooking harder. Fortified cereal and trail mix together will have most of the stuff you need to get rid of the lightheaded wooziness (iron and b12 and fats and sugar) in a dense little package that’s easy to munch on while cooking.

Finally, I know online recipes and Pinterest are great and wonderful but get proper cookbooks whenever you can. The first reason is that even with AdBlocker online recipes are a minefield and can be distracting and frustrating and overwhelming which are all things you don’t want when knives and hot pans are around. The second is that you will learn so much about cooking from a proper cookbook and the better you are at cooking the easier and faster it goes. ThriftBooks has plenty as will your local library or even older relatives. Ones like “Cook What You Have” by Christopher Kimball and “The New York Times Cooking No-Recipe Recipes” book and the classic “The Art of Simple Food” by Alice Waters are great.

#adhd advice #adhd tips #adhd adult #living with adhd #cooking #food #nutrition #nutrients #adhd nutrition #cooking tips #cooking advice

[maidofdarkness23]

Raising Cain & Potter Incorrect Quotes

Fletcher: I am the left brain, I am the left brain. "I work really hard until my inevitable death" brain. You've got a job to do, you better do it right and the right way is with the left brain's might. Valkyrie: I LIKE OREOS AND PUSSY-

Nefarian: We need a diversion. I say Skulduggery gets naked. Fletcher: No. Nefarian: I could get naked. The squad: NO!!!

Harry: Why is everyone so obsessed with top or bottom? Honestly, I’d just be excited to have a bunk bed. Fletcher: Fletcher: I'm gonna tell them. Valkyrie: Don't you dare.

Nefarian: I love saying 'fuck me' because it can either be sexual or self-loathing and those are two things that describe me perfectly.

Fletcher: To everyone who has treated me poorly; I am sexier than you.

Harry, gardening: Hey, can you bring me the hoe? Valkyrie: Yeah, sure. *A few minutes later* Valkyrie: Here you go. Harry: Valkyrie: Fletcher: Why am I here?

Fletcher: I'm gonna eat the chicken breasts! Valkyrie, snickering: Yeah, eat what you lack. Skulduggery, deadpanning at Valkyrie: Then maybe I should order brains on delivery for you.

Fletcher: What’s your body count? Skulduggery: Do you mean sex or murder?

Fletcher: My dad died when I was little so whenever someone jokes about fucking my mom I’ll pretend to be really sincere and say some shit like “Glad to see she’s moving on, my dad’s death hit her pretty hard.” Then watch them absolutely fumble trying to figure out a response to that statement. Fletcher: Update, she got a new partner I can no longer make the joke.

Harry: How do I ask someone out? Fletcher: Roses are red, violets are blue, guess what, my bed has room for two. Harry: No! Valkyrie: Twinkle twinkle little star, we can do it in a car. Harry: Stop! Skulduggery: Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream, merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily I can make you scream. Harry: I feel like the last one is verging dangerously into serial killer territory.

Harry: Stop saving the world and get a hobby.

Valkyrie, bleeding out on the ground: Blood loss? No, I know exactly where it is.

Skulduggery: Do you know the ABCs of first aid? Valkyrie: A. Bone. Coming out of the skin is very bad.

Harry: Do you think different paints have different tastes? Nefarian: They do. Skulduggery: …Why did you say that with such certainty?

Valkyrie: double checking supplies in the boat Compass. CB radio. Sunscreen. Skulduggery: Hot dog costumes! Valkyrie: I’m sorry, what? Skulduggery: You know, in case we get lost at sea, and one of us, probably Nefarian, goes mad with hunger, we’ll put these on. Nefarian hates hot dogs, so they probably won’t eat us. Valkyrie: Are you saying that Nefarian would rather eat us than hot dogs? Nefarian: I do hate hot dogs.

Skulduggery: The real treasure was the memories we made along the way. Valkyrie: I almost died. Skulduggery: That… was my favorite memory.

Harry: Valkyrie, you’re such a genius! Valkyrie: Yes, I know.

Skulduggery: Just think about this! I’m your hottest friend. Skulduggery: No, that’s Nefarian… I’m your nicest friend. Skulduggery: No, Harry... I’m your friend!

Fletcher: Come on Valkyrie, do it for our friendship. You can't put a price on that… Valkyrie: Yes I can, dear. Fifty dollars.

Valkyrie: I have locked Harry in a cage designed by his own art. Oh, he has been well and truly hoisted by his own petard. Skulduggery: Could you put it another way? I didn’t understand a word of that. Valkyrie: I’m blackmailing him. Skulduggery: Oh, happy days.

Fletcher: What are you eating? Valkyrie: You wouldn't like it, it's really salty. Fletcher: I like you, don't I?

#skulduggery pleasant #nefarian serpine #fletcher renn #harry potter #valkyrie cain

[buckywiththegoodhair86]

Per the 15 Questions For Friends tag game, at the request of @doctorhelena and @melliabee, I share my not-secret chicken spaghetti casserole recipe. (Had to make a new post since it was too long to reply in the notes.)

You will need the following:

3-4 chicken breasts (or an equivalent amount of thigh meat)

1 regular can of cream of mushroom soup (undiluted)

1 small can of tomato paste (should be no more than half the size of the soup can)

3ish cups of shredded cheddar cheese

½ pound (500g) of your choice of noodles (traditionally spaghetti, but I like elbow macaronis)

Garlic powder

Black pepper

Onion powder

3 or 4 chicken bouillon cubes

*optional ingredients (I use these ones):

Chopped mushrooms

Chopped black olives

*optional optional ingredients:

Chopped onions if you are the sort of person who eats onions

Put the chicken breasts in a pot, cover with water, and boil at medium heat. They can be thawed or frozen; it will just take a little longer to boil if they are frozen. Add in the chicken bouillon cubes to make broth as it cooks. (You’ll use the broth later in the recipe, so make sure to start with a good amount of water.) You can also boil the chicken the day before and save it if that works better with your schedule, since this is the most time-consuming part of the recipe. Just make sure to save all the broth as well.

Once the chicken is cooked all the way through, remove it from the broth. It should be soft and juicy and able to be shredded with a fork. Put the noodles in the broth and cook them. While that is cooking, chop the chicken into small cubes, or shred into little bits with a fork. (If you are cooking it all at once and didn’t do the chicken the day before, it will still be hot, so let it cool a bit before chopping lest you burn your fingers.)

Chop any of the optional ingredients you are using. Add them to a mixing bowl along with the mushroom soup and tomato paste. Season with garlic, onion powder, and black pepper to taste. (It’s easier to stir the spices in while it’s all liquidy.) Stir in 2 cups of the shredded cheese. Stir in the chicken.

Once the noodles are done, drain the pasta, but make sure the broth is being poured into a container and not down the sink. Add the noodles to the mixing bowl and stir it all up. Since the mushroom soup was undiluted, the mixture will be kind of thick. Slowly stir in some of the broth to thin the mixture out. You don’t want to turn the mixture to soup, but just thin it out and make it nice and smooth and add flavor. (If it gets too thin, it won’t ruin the casserole, it will just be very saucy.)

Taste it at this point to see if it needs salt. The broth has a good amount of salt in it, but you can add more at this point if you want.

Put it all in a non-stick casserole dish, cover with the remaining cheese (you may need to shred more cheese if it doesn’t cover it all the way or if the cheese was snacked on during the prep time), then cover with foil. Bake at 350 F (180ish C) for 1 hour. The sauce inside may be a little runny still depending on how much broth you used, but it will be delicious, and any leftovers will thicken up some more in the fridge. Works nicely as a meal with green beans or roasted broccoli.

*If you are allergic to mushrooms, you can substitute the soup with cream of chicken soup, or you can make the following soup base:

Melt 5 tablespoons butter and stir in 5 tablespoons flour. Add in 1.5 cups of milk, stirring constantly over high heat until it thickens.

#chicken spaghetti #bucky's kitchen