#and im so excited to see what the rest of the album has in store

[allylikethecat]

Omg, also a TS fan since debut and I massively took a step back from her personally prior to the reputation era because of her antics and victim complex. The music will always mean so so much to me, her lyrics mean so much to me, but her actions as a person and TS™️ as an entity is just weird and greedy. I think she accrued a lot of fans when she disappeared for a while who've completely constructed a narrative in their heads of who she is and they believe it and are eating up this current era, but those who've been here a long time know how PR and image driven it is. Exhausting.

I apologize in advance I have been having way too many feelings about this whole situation and how it relates to my identity as a 28 year old woman and you are about to get an oversharing novel in response lol

Also, I guess CW: this post is about Taylor Swift and if anyone sends me any kind of hate or whatnot related to my own personal opinions and feelings I will be deleting it because I am NOT playing that game.

My Aunt bought me the Debut album CD at a concert after seeing her open for Rascal Flatts. She was like "I thought that you would like her!" and she was RIGHT Taylor Swift became my entire personality. One of my FAVORITE core memories as a child was the day Fearless came out. For some reason we didn't have school, and my Mom and I watched Taylor on the Ellen show, and then we went to Target and bought the physical CD, we then drove around town so we could listen to it together. My mom hasn't been well and that is one of my favorite memories of us together. It's silly but when you're in middle school that kind of thing is important to you. Then in high school I actually got MADE FUN OF for wearing Taylor merch and being excited about Red. BUT I loved her music and felt like she actually stood for something, so I brushed it off and continued to be a HUGE Swiftie. I had the Taylor Swift dolls, I had the perfumes, I had the LOVE LOVE LOVE bracelet, I had the sundresses from WALMART. I saw her on the Fearless and 1989 tours, I had the fucking 1989 haircut. I was supposed to go to Loverfest.

I was still a HUGE Swiftie during the post 1989-pre Reputation eras, then the Reputation era. I'm a few years younger than her, but I felt like I could relate to the kind of manic panic that she was sharing with us (lol turns out I was just unmedicated and we're doing much better now). It felt (in my probably naive mind) like she was experiencing the same insecurities that I was and reacting accordingly. Was she playing the victim at times? Oh 100% BUT I also fully believe that she thought she was one. (Plus... Kim is my least favorite Kardashian lol)

I LOVED the Lover era even as it was shit on at the for the sunshine rainbow hyper colorful aesthetic. Like, I don't know if new fans realize but when Lover was released? It was NOT as beloved as it is now. Then Folklore and Evermore were absolute genius, it felt like Taylor had grown up, and she got all of these new fans, which was great! She was in an "adult" relationship and her music and publicity choices seemed to reflect that. It was so refreshing to see a celebrity keeping their personal life, personal, and sharing what they wanted to share through music. Midnights broke all kinds of records, again, amazing! Even if it wasn't as strong as say Folklore. I fought for my life and got Eras Tour tickets (opening weekend!!) I had the BEST TIME EVER.

Taylor has always been extremely calculated with her public image. She was over exposed during The 1989 era and the public turned on her, so I truly cannot figure out why she is doing it again 100x in this new era of whatever the fuck this is. I don't know her, maybe she is legitimately happy, or maybe this is a cry for help. But I have been so grossed out by her behavior lately, and how in your face everything is with Kelce. It's no secret that I hate Kelce (and people that know me IRL know that it's not a new Taylor related thing lol) and if she actually loves him, fine, that's great for her, BUT we don't need to see it! Yes she was public when she was dating Calvin but ALSO she was what 25-26? She's a 34 year old woman now with the biggest platform of any celebrity ever. She feels too old (and this is not me age shaming her because I would be grossed out if my friends were doing it, and I would be embarrassed if *I* were to ever do it) to be licking a man's face in public like this. This feels like sorority girl in her first college relationship (I was *in* a sorority for a hot second so this isn't hate on sorority girls either!) and not record breaking Grammy award winning artist. ALSO I feel like she used to come across as so articulate and well spoken? Controversial opinion but I thought she sounded like a fucking idiot in that Time Person of the Year piece.

I think that this whole thing is PR for something, but because it just feels too icky to be real, but I don't know what it's PR for, (trying to bury the Matty situation from May? Because if so that just makes me even more sad for him or trying to get back at Joe? Which if that's the case, I feel bad for him too and she's even more immature than I thought) and now, for the first time, AFTER SIXTEEN YEARS I'm embarrassed to be a fan of her, both because of her own actions and also the actions of her fanbase as a whole.

It feels really weird, and I know I'm being parasocial about it, but when the times got bad I always had her music to fall back on and now I just, I don't know it feels cheapened somehow because the current image that's being crafted doesn't match the one that we originally fell for. And you know what, people change, she's a celebrity, I don't know her, what she does DOES NOT affect me any way, and how I feel does not AFFECT HER in the slightest, and I know it's being parasocial but I feel like a big part of me is in mourning about it. Less because of her changing her image so drastically, and more so because I feel like I'm mourning the loss of childhood and joy that used to be associated with her music for me and I think that's what's making me the most sad.

I have Eras tour tickets for one of the London dates this summer. I'm probably going to still go, because I paid for them, and I also have tickets to see Noah Kahan that same week in London (... and also the Longines tour has ALSO decided that the London stop is that week...) But I don't consider myself a "big fan" anymore. Maybe I will be one day again, but this current image that she's putting out just isn't it for me.

Sorry for the longest Taylor related novel in existence, I have had a lot of bottled up feelings about this that feel ridiculous typing out and sharing out loud BUT I know I will feel better sending them into the interwebs and your ask was the perfect catalyst.

Thank you so much for sending this in and for your continued support! I hope you continue to enjoy my fics and my secret sports hot takes 😂

❤️Ally

#allylikethecat #ask ally #anon ask #keep it kind #i am so sorry this got so long #i just started word vomiting and couldnt stop #then i started crying thinking about my mom #and yeah anyway i am 100% sober just dramatic lol #dont worry i will still be working on you know where the city is #Fictional!2014/2015 taylor has not made me sad lol #and i know it doesnt matter or actually impact me and its super parasocial and probably not healthy that im sad about all of this #BUT i love projecting my feelings and shit onto other things #and why deal with the ~other trauma~ in my life #when i could just... be bummed out about taylor swift turning into a trashy hoe instead of the poet we thought she was #BUT IN IMPORTANT AND EXCITING NEWS #the way i am so hype for this beyonce country album #im not even a beyonce stan #i dont even know if i would go as far as saying im a casual fan #but 16 carriages is so good #and im so excited to see what the rest of the album has in store #also please be nice to me im being vulnerable on the internet #because i am too stubborn to be vulnerable in real life #... there is a 75% chance i am going to panic delete this later but oh well here it is

[fangfatale]

Nothing else matters | Eddie Munson x Y/N

March 1987| Spring Break Eddie is alive, Max is recovering, Will and his family has moved back, peace is retuning to Hawkins. Its spring break and you're visiting your dad who's newly married to Max's mom. Which means staying right across the road from the town freak. Spring break only lats so long, can you make It memorable?

This is a Y/N x Eddie Munson story, Content waning for smut content will be added to the chapters which need it.

Songs mentioned at the beginning of chapter to set the mood will not be accurate to the years, Songs mentioned and to be listened to during story will be accurate.

I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THE STRANGER THINGS FRANCHISE I DO NOT ALLOW MY WOK TO BE PUBLISHED BY ANYONE ELSE OR POSTED BY ANYONE WHO IS NOT MYSELF

Find more over on https://www.wattpad.com/story/318726793-𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠-𝐄𝐥𝐬𝐞-𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬-eddie-munson-x-y-n-story

Word Count 2.9k oops

CHAPTER ONE

Run to the Hills off of Iron Maidens album The Number of the Beast plays loudly from the cassette player in your olive green 1975 ford bronco. The drivers side window’s rolled down; bringing in the slight breeze that spring in Indiana has to offer. Pulling into Hawkins you notice the obscurity of the population sign. Updated yearly by most towns but you can tell a drastic change has been made within the past year. It’s normal for a couple digits to fluctuate, people die, babies are born, people are always relocating. But the way the paint chips shows the numbers have changed by the hundreds. You never asked your step sibling what happened to her last spring when all hell literally broke loose, you figured it was something bad. But not this bad.

Taking a quick peek at the notes your dad gave you on how to get to the trailer park you notice you’ll need to take a left at the upcoming police station. Hawkins appears to have a simple layout, everywhere is accessible off this one main road. After the left you follow the rest of the instructions going through exactly five stop lights and head right at the corner store. You cant miss the sign on the left hand side of the road detailing the exact location you were looking for. Putting on your signal light to turn in you notice five kids on bikes pulling out; all five look familiar but you cant place exactly where from. Shrugging it off you pull in and head over to where you can see your dad already waving in your direction. 

Parking and hopping out in one swift movement you run into your Dads arms. “Y/N it’s so good to see you, I cant believe you're finally here!” Its been about 6 months since you last saw your dad. He came around home last summer, informing you of his proposal to Susan. You were overjoyed to hear the news, but it was even more exciting just having him home. Last year Susan and her daughter drove to LA so Max could see her dad after she awoke from her coma. Susans car ended up breaking down on their way home causing a trip you're dads shop so it could get fixed. It was love at first sight he says. After your first meet with Susan you knew she would do everything in her power to make sure your dad was happy. You appreciated how much she cared for him, your mother leaving wasn’t just hard on you. It also broke the strongest man you know. 

“Im happy to be here dad, driving across 5 states without you was crazy! Im glad old Olive was able to hold up” He laughed. “Well I’d hope so! We spent so much time on her last summer to ensure shed be ready for this trip” Coming out of the hug you can see Susan opening the door with Max in her wheelchair sitting inside. “Well cmon you two! I have fresh lemonade on the table” You head inside following your dads footsteps. Susan brings you into a warm hug as you pass through the threshold of the trailer. It has a cozy smell to it, similar to fresh baked goods and warm laughter. “Hi Susan, it's so good to see you” You say pulling away. She grabs your arms and holds you, as if to get a better look at you “Im so glad you here, your dad and Max are so exited to show you around town.” “I cant wait! How are you feeling Max?”

After Max woke up from her coma her doctor informed her that she would get her eyesight back as well as her ability to walk and move her arms. It was a slow process. Once her bones healed she regained the function of moving her arms and hands again, brining her to physical therapy for her legs. It was possible for Max to stand and walk but not for long periods of time. Her eyesight was projected to be a slower process, she she had regained almost all of it back, sitting her at an 18/20 vision. She required glasses for some things but she mostly went without. “Hey Y/N, I’m good considering everything!” You smile, Max has been so brave during this past year. She’s done her best to stay positive and when things got tough she focused on the fact that she knew shed get better. “Good! Im glad to hear! Have you gotten more news as too when you’ll be walking?” “Soon enough I’m sure! It's not as painful now, it’s more just exhausting for long periods of time. But that means i'll be better soon!” You take your seat across from her as Susan pours you a glass of the lemonade she mentioned earlier. You shoot her a nod of thanks, she smiles. 

“So how about your eyes? Do you like being in the 4 eyes squad?” Her and my dad laughed, man after the year she’s had its so good to hear her laugh. “ I cant wait for it to be over! I can only listen to Lucas make the same glasses joke so many times! .” You notice how her cheeks become flush as she mentions his name. “Oh? Lucas hey? Is this your boyfriend?” Smiling again she nods. “You just missed him actually, him and the rest of the gang stopped by. But I sent them off knowing you’d be pulling in soon. I wanted the first day your here just to be family! Can we make sure you have time to meet them before you go home?” You apprenticed how much Max wanted you to be apart of her life. Growing up an only child was lonely for you; and you couldn’t imagine how much it hurt her when her brother died. You had heard from your dad her stop brother Billy wasn’t the greatest guy, but you know it was the companionship that mattered. “ Of course, I’m here for the entire two weeks, we have lots of time. I can even drive you to school tomorrow and pick you up.” She shook her head and smiled.

You all sit inside and caught up for a couple hours; Laughing about what Max and her friends got up to last summer as well as discussing how school was going for myself, on the outside school was going great. Dad thought all the girls you lived with were friends, but in reality they were merely just girls in your class who wanted cheaper rent. You thought studying English was going to be fulfilling, You thought the that you would have a greater opportunity to interact with other individuals that cared about the same things as you. You had hoped the books we would be digesting would be more interesting. But alas everyday you walk into class feeling miserable, what you wanted wasn’t happening. But being here away from it all, brought hope that maybe some sort of clarity would be given. Something to shove you in the right path. 

After telling them what they want to hear about University; Susan made a suggestion of ordering Pizza. All of you agreed knowing it would be easier to pick pizza than anything else.Once finished you helped Susan clean, after putting the clean dishes away and taking the garbage out to the backyard you take a peak at the clock. 9:00 on the dot. 

Everyone started heading off to bed, Max had her last day of classes before spring break and both your dad and Susan had work in the morning. Susan thanked you for helping and showed me where you’d would be sleeping, a small room next to Max. Twin sized bed, one side table with a lamp on top. And a small dresser positioned in the corner of the room. Even though it was small it was comfortable, it had those warm touches you’d expect. Taking a seat and laying back on the bed you can feel sleep pulling at you; “Shit” you mumble under your breath, realizing you forgot your bag out in your truck. Jumping up you head outside. 

Walking to open your truck you notice a figure sitting on the stairs at the trailer across the street. An amber flame lights up his face as he sparks his joint. Your breath hitches as you get the first glance. Eyes slowly adjusting to the darkness you can make out more than just his beautiful bronze eyes. Curls frame his face and gently fall down his shoulders, rings adorn his fingers surrounding the fresh joint. He takes another drag letting his eyes fall heavy as the THC starts to work its magic. The light above him flicks on as he leans back onto the stairs, leaning his head upwards and blowing a drag of smoke. 

The glow gives you a better opportunity to notice what he’s wearing. A light washed jean vest covered with patches and pins of bands your oh so familiar with.The stitching appears to be done by himself. You can picture the brooding figure before you pulling thread in-between his soft lips and saturating it before threading the needle. Suddenly jealous of whoever got to kiss all the wounds that he would have received from every pick the needle caused. He notices your glances and sends a smirk your way, almost shooting butterflies directly into your stomach. Giving him a quick wave after locking up your truck you run inside. 

Who was that? Max never mentioned anyone your age living across the street, but then again why would she? You weren’t here to have a spring fling, you were here to see her, her mom and your dad. Pushing the thoughts of him aside, you grab a t-shirt and some sleep shorts out of your and put them on. Turning the lights off and getting into bed, after the long two day drive you pass out almost immediately. 

______________________________________________________________________________

Waking up in the morning you can hear the sounds of coffee and breakfast being prepared, taking the time to remember where you are you sit up slowly. Right, Hawkins. Getting up out of bed you grab clothes for the day, a loose fitting DIO shirt and some light wash jeans. Pulling some socks on grabbing a pair of black hightop converse you head to the bathroom. Before leaving you had booked a haircut hoping for something easier to style you ask for what Farrah Fawcett style shag. Spraying some Aqua Net hairspray all over you scrunch your hair to help solidify the curls from the other day. Brushing your teeth and applying some mascara and eyeliner you're done getting ready. Heading out into the kitchen you see Susan and Max at the table, your dad pouring himself a cup of coffee. “Morning kiddo, how’d you sleep?” Grabbing yourself a mug and pouring yourself one you respond “ Good! The drive really knocked me out” You sit down at the table while the rest of them as the rest of them have light morning conversation. “Well max, when should we head out?” Glancing up at the clock “Probably now, that way we have time to load up!”

Helping Max with her book bags you wheel her down to the you stop with her at the side of your truck. You notice the curl haired boy from yesterday. He’s locking the front door to his trailer and adjusting his back pack on his shoulder. You're shocked to see him awake at this time and not to mention a book bag on his shoulders. In the moonlight last-night he looked much too old to be in High School. “Thats Eddie by the way” Max says looking up at you. “You know him?” You say returning her gaze. “Yeah he runs Hellfire, the D&D club Dustin, Mike and Lucas are apart of. He’s failed to graduate three years in a row, but I think this year he’s got it” Three years hey? That would make him 21 and only just graduating. “Well I hope this year is his year” You help Max into the passenger seat and roll her wheel chair down the drive. Opening up your trunk you hear footsteps shuffle behind you.

“I like your shirt, DIO is an amazing band!” You can hear the nerves fall off his tongue. Turning around you smile. “Thanks I got it when I saw them two summers ago, they were amazing.” “Finally someone who has good music taste in this town!” He bends at the knees doing some wild air fist bumps. You can hear Max laughing in the car.  “So not a single person in all of Hawkins likes Metal?” You say laughing at the curly heads reaction leaning up against your truck. “No no, I have a couple friends who like the genera, I guess I should have been more specific. Not a single attractive girl in Hawkins likes the music.” You blush, It's been a long time since someone openly complemented you like that. “ Thanks” “The names Munson, Eddie Munson. But uh you can call me Eddie.” Putting his hand out for you to shake. “Hi Eddie, My name is Y/N” taking it in your own. The feeling of the cool rings sends a tingle from your fingers all the way up your arm and into your chest. “Y/N! We gotta go!” He loosens the grip on your hand so you can turn around and shut the trunk. “Sorry, see ya around Munson” Winking in his direction, walking around you hop into the drivers side of your truck.

Putting you key into the ignition you can feel Max’s eyes on you, “ Whats up kid?” “Your blushing because of Eddie!” Pulling out of the spot you look over at her, “ Whys it bad to be blushing over Eddie?” Max looks as if she’s looking for the reasons as to why it is a bad thing “Turn here, well, your only here for a couple weeks then you head back to your life at University. I don’t want you going ahead and falling for him or vice versa. He had a rough year last year and doesn’t need to have another one.” 

Turning and continuing on the road, seeing the school sign up the road. “ I understand where you are coming from Max, but a little harmless flirting cant do anyone much harm.” But we all know how much of a lie that is. Pulling into the school you can see the five kids from yesterday all standing by the bike rack.

“You can pull in here” doing so you see them all wave. You park, pull out Max’s chair and help her into it. “Hey guys, this is my step sister, Y/N” Hellos float through the air. “ Hi, I’m glad we are finally getting to meet. Ive received enough photos and stories to feel like I already know you!” You approach Lucas closer and give his hand a shake “Its especially nice to meet you Lucas. I appreciate how much you’ve helped Susan and my dad while Max recovers” He smiles “Its really nothing, Your dad and Susan have been so amazing during all of this” Taking a closer look at Dustin and Mikes shirt you notice its the same one that Eddie was wearing this morning, that must be the logo of their d&d group. Almost as if just thinking about him summons his presence. Eddie walks up and puts his arms around Dustin and Mike “Good morning gentlemen, are you ready to finish this campaign?” The boys both nod, “Yup, last one before spring break is gonna be sweet!” Dustin says. “I have something really good up my sleeve for tonight, You two better be ready” The enthusiasm that radiates off of Eddies body is electric as he says it. you can see the passion he has for the game as it sparkles in his eyes. 

Max turns to look at Lucas, “Are you playing tonight?” “ Nope, my plans tonight include you, me and renting a movie from Steve and Robins work!” He grabs her hand and gives it a squeeze. Smiling with joy she nods, “ Good, I had hoped so.” The school bell rings signifying it’s time for everyone to head inside, they all say goodbye with the exception of Eddie who lingers leaning his tall lean body onto the bike racks. 

“ So Y/N whats your plan for the rest of the day, gonna get up to any mischief?” You laugh, “The most mischief I'll get into in a town this small will be buying one too many records at the record shop.” “The one on main street is amazing, if you're open to it id love to take you sometime” You look down at his hands, he’s playing with his rings, twirling them around on each of his delicate fingers. “Are you asking to take me out Munson? You do realize it’s only my first day in town right?” “No-no- I uh, just thought you’d like someone more experience taking you around.” He stammers; “Yeah okay, how about tomorrow, We can go around 1?” Blushing he says “Its a date” Winking in your direction he runs inside. You cant help but laugh, you step back in your truck and head home.

#eddie munson #eddiemunson x reader #eddie my love #eddie fanfic #eddie the freak munson #munson #stranger things #hellfire club #hellfirefreak #eddie stranger things #stranger things s4 #stranger things 4 #eddie fucking munson

[chanstopher]

first this may seem so weird but when I saw how long your reply was I got very emotional bc you’re just so super sweet and ily and idk how that all came out of your reply but ye anyways I’m sappy sorry 🥺😭😭😭 SO ANYWAY! my weekend was fine! I spent it relaxing and in correlation to you asking about my txt spiral I’m seriously and truly a moa haha 😂😂 the rest of June I was just watching mainly their content like their show and their videos and stuff! and I actually ended up buying their digital concert on Jul 2nd! it was so fun and honestly it just made me more excited to go and see them ����✨ also I haven’t watched any stranger things but I knew the new season came out and the second volume just came out other than the loud fights have you enjoyed it?? also hhhh honestly firework shows aren’t for me so I get it, it gets semi bad where I am and it was so bad one time (I think it was 2020 the noise was almost nonstop 😭) ooooh we love when things still end up alright even when it’s not what we planned we take those wins!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 tysm for asking about my writing 🥺 it’s been going okay I think, I’m writing things for a few collabs with other ppl and it’s been a lot of fun talking with others and brainstorming my ideas 🥰 and hhhh aww ty ty my mom is doing fine, she’s resting currently but I’ll be sure to tell her you said hi! I know she’ll like that! we actually went out to the kpop store today and I picked up some txt goodies!!! it was a lot of fun, and our store plays mvs and stuff inside and they just happened to be playing good boy gone bad HAHA (this ask is so long hhh sorry I just wanna tell you everything 💜💜💜)

sorry i was trying to get my stupid gifset to show up on the feed and it took forever because tumblr is stupidddd afxga honestly i love that the spiral is just full on stanning now thats beautiful its what they deserve! i lvoe them so much theyre just some dumb boys and its just so <3333333

very impressive to avoid stranger things tbh but i know its just not some ppls thing, they killed off someone i really really loved so im distraughtttt over that but the cooking/yelling show is really good! i love the guy from shameless who's in it and he plays likea super talented cook so im very invested in it zfsasd

i also think fireworks are overrated and they just freak out animals and make squirrels abandon their lil homes and just not worth it imo but they usually have fried dough and im a sucker for that so its a hard choice lmaoo

im glad ur writing! i did see u posting some enhypen stuff i think, tbh i generally glance over fics cause i dont read them but when i see ur url i make like a mental note that ur posting? if that makes sense?

my kpop store is just a record store so they generally have whatever is in the top40 playing os i only ever recognize things from tiktok asxc but omg txt always has such beautiful photobooks! i have a few and god i love them theyre soo nice! plus their last few albums are SO my aesthetic so i just love collecting for them

i hope ur week goes well my angel!

#drm.ask #decembermoonskz

[maiverie]

hellooo mai !! here is my update hehe^^ i'll try to send messages more often but i don't rlly have that much to talk abt but i'll still try !!

i got my manifesto day 1 album but i didnt get sunghoon weverse pob :(( its ok cuz my pulls for the actual album were so good?? anyways i got jay in the uniform pob and hee in the other (they look saurr good) and my pulls were absolutely insane i got my entire bias line??? i got jake for the postcard and jungwon and sunghoon for the pcs ?!?!?! i was so surprised i got so lucky,,,

i tried getting another border carnival album but they didnt have hype ver :(( the guy at the store said everyone always goes for that ver so i got dimension dilemma instead and i'm pretty sure i have a sunoo curse (not complaining though) i was in a rush so i accidentally got the wrong ver but its not a big deal lmao

i got two sunoo pcs and i got niki for the poster ! so as of rn i have at 5 sunoo pcs (damn), 2 hee pcs, and one for everyone except jake (jake pls come home) but if i count the other things in albums then i've got members !

and my barista course was fun !! it was rlly stressful at the beginning cuz they kept feeding us lots of information in the beginning but the second part of the class was more chill and we did a bunch of stuff like fudge and latte art,,, i tasted one of my coffees and it surprisingly tasted good ? i genuinely thought it was gonna taste like absolute shit lmaoo the instructors complimented my first latte and my milk frothing so ig i found a hidden talent hehe

as of rn im listening to jungwon's live, i rlly hope the members rest well and get well soon !! they were so excited to promote paradoxxx invasion esp jay but they got covid so :((( but jungwon is genuinely one of the sweetest ppl on earth bc he kept reassuring engenes that they're all fine and he's even on live for us ( genuinely sobbing i love him so much)

also apparently we're getting actor hoon soon !! he'll be a cameo in the drama mimicus (?) which they sung an unreleased ost for !! 02z's names were mentioned but hoon's the only one confirmed as a cameo,,, saur excited to see actor hoon !!

since we both live in aus, im guessing its evening where you are? so i hope you had a very very great day today and you rest and sleep well !! i slept for 12 hours tday cuz i was so tired,, anyways hope you are well !! lots of love and take care <33

-- sunrise anon

OMGGG HI SUNRISE ANON MY FAVE <3333 nooo omg pls don't feel obligated or anything, though im always here to chat if u need!! <3

AAA CONGRATS ON PULLING UR BIAS LINE!!! that's so good al;kjfiwe i really wanted more jungwon pcs so congrats on getting him :(( YES TOTALLY AGREE the pob pcs are literally sosososo nice they look so good in their lil uniforms :< im obsessed w the pcs this cb fr T^T

ALSO AAA WOW REALLY??? i don't actually have any of the border carnival albums so thank u for the heads up </3 also omg SAME i swear i'm always pulling sunoo HHASHDJS ALTHOUGH ITS OKAY SINCE ALL HIS PCS ARE >>>

:00 NIKI POSTER??? THATS SO GOOD AA also omg im gna come over and rob u for those hee pcs hHSDJSDJ WATCH OUT SLEEP TIGHT

ALSO OMGGGG UR BARISTA COURSE AAA im sosoos happy to hear that u had fun!! omg new hidden skill unlocked?? plss not them complimenting u on ur coffee :< that's so cute i wanna try a course one day now :(( i'm a really big fan of coffee so laksjdf sounds like you had sm fun!!

JUNGWON WAS LIVE FOR 4 HOURS??? PLSS i love that boy so so much :(( i swear he has sm love for all his fans and even tho he must have been super bored w quarantine and all,,, i actually feel so touched that he was live for so long T^T he treats us so well im sobbing i love him sm. also!! who's ur bias btw??

YESS ACTOR HOON I HEARD!!! IM SAUR EXCITEDDDD like that's so cool,,, i honestly dont know what to expect but im really excited nevertheless hehe. aLSO O2Z?? STOP???? JAY IN A DRAMA?? JAKE??? IM SCREAMINGWE

omg 12 hours deserved!! i've been having pretty decent days, just super busy lately!! hope you've been safe n well <33 it's been raining a bit where i am so 😭

lots of love <33333

#ask #@ : anon ♡︎ #sunrise anon ☆

[everafterkeiji]

Song: Easy to Forget Me by Cimorelli

Pairings: Tobio Kageyama x fem! reader

Word count: 2.8k

Summary: When the king's queen was out of his grasp before he can realize

Warning/Genre: angst, toxic friendship, anxiety attack

Symbols: Italics=flashbacks

A/N: um- im very much hurt

Kageyama pants as he runs, pushing his limit with his eyes scanning the street ahead of him. His chest heavily coming up and down with sweat dripping down his skin. Mind empty but theres a certain feeling in his chest that was urging him to come back to a certain period in his life or a certain someone.

As he passes by a certain store, he suddenly stops. The feeling of his legs as if it they were holding him back, restraining his every move along with a voice lingering in his head like a broken record.

"She wasn't there."

Like a rock thrown to glass, his heart shatters, the sharpness of it scattering around his body making him weak to his knees as he stares at the shop that brought back memories he should've cherished. Maybe he should've gone with you when you asked him, maybe he should've took interest in your stories that had you smiling for days.

Maybe he should've chosen to remember.

"Tobio! Please don't push me away." Y/N begs, as Tobio disregards your words as he locks the door, slamming it in front of you. It was right after the match of Kitagawa, where his teammates claimed him the King, leaving him stranded.

"Please.. I'm here. I'll stay with you, I promise." Y/N says, head leaned on the door as she desperately tries to talk to the boy who've built such high walls a person like her can never reach. Kageyama can hear her pleas through the door but only one scene was repeating in his head-the moment the ball dropped, not even a soul was willing to save it for him.

"Kageyama.." she whispers sliding down with tears in her innocent eyes, scared for the condition of the boy, even more scared of what was bound to happen to their closeness.

The door creaks open slightly, and she was off her feet wiping away her tears as she turns around to see the broken boy clutching his shirt. He collapses into her arms and she gladly takes him, both sat on the ground with her hands running through his dark locks. Tears in each of their eyes, Y/N holding onto him while he questions himself. All the words that slipped through her mouth was nothing but sweet whispers and promises, reassuring him that he was no king.

Just a prince surrounded in a kingdom he didn't deserve.

-

"T-thank you for yesterday. You're the only one I can..count on." He says through the phone and you immediately smile at his words, surprised he believed in your promise. You let your hand rest on top of your heart, gripping on your shirt feeling that your heart was too big to fit into your body with how your emotions were overwhelming you just because of one boy. You wonder how long it'll take for you to break under him, under the kings command.

"It's nothing, Tobio. I'll be here whenever you need me."

-

"Kageyama! Good morning!" You say as you gladly bring him his usual choice of milk. He nods to you as a sign of thank you, and you smile at him. You walk with him silently, admiring the pleasant air between you two. It was a coincidence you two entered the same school, or was it really just your instinct and you chose it to protect the boy?

"I heard about this new store. Do you wanna come with me? I've seen photos of it everywhere!" She rambles on yet it fell on deaf ears as Kageyama was only delighted about being back on the gym, able to play his passion. When he turned to her, even if she was talking, his slightest care couldn't be given to her. He'd only nod every once in a while to make it seem like he'd understood.

If your heart knew that he didn't care, maybe then you would've realized.

-

We're in the same town

But you're nowhere to be found

"She hasn't been around for days. Do you think she'll make it to our game?" Hinata asks as Tanaka hands him another ball. Tanaka sighs as he looks over to the empty bench. It was funny how they were all concerned yet one boy couldn't care less. The second year looks over to Kageyama who spiked the ball perfectly, seeing him cheer at his success.

"Worry less about Y/N, she probably has her own problems. We all know that she could never miss our game, especially when Kageyama is playing." Daichi says, looking over to the younger boy. Daichi can feel how cold the atmosphere was with just a glance. He tries not to interfere with whatever happened between you two but after the match no one saw you again. Yet he sees Kageyama, perfectly back in his mindset and not an ounce of suspense as to why you weren't present.

"Plus we missed her birthday! Can't we buy some gifts for her? She doesn't really seem okay to me." Sugawara say and Nishinoya jumps at the idea agreeing completely.

"Seems like he shouldn't be invited." Tsukishima says, pointing at their other setter. Hinata sighs beside him, before shaking his head, in denial of the tension.

"Let's just go after practice!"

-

He walks inside the record store, seeing a variety of albums and vinyls. He lets his slim fingers run over the texture of each album, wondering which drew his attention. The atmosphere of the store was enough to leave a weight on his shoulders.

It's you, isn't it?

He eyes a poster on his left, enjoying how the colors were spotlighted by the sunlight that was peeking through the window. All the soft hues, having a dark gradient at the bottom he couldn't help but feel how familiar everything was. He carefully listens to the song that was playing, concentrating on every lyric as if he was trying to find a connection.

This is her world.

He watches how everyone in the store was occupied in conversations. Conversing about their interests, debating about different eras, even singing in different aisles. He can only feel sympathy, alone in her world he didn't bother to acknowledge. He should know by now what music you like, what album you first bought, which band poster was hung on your wall, but when he tried he could only hear murmurs and whispers.

I wish I listened.

-

Do you ever miss me?

You wonder as you sat in your room, knees to your chest in the far corner, listening to the song playing in your earphones. You stood up, walking to your window and opening it, greeted by the cold air. You let you hands dangle from the window while your eyes landing on the night sky creeping a smile on your face at how comforting it was.

The moon stares down on you, feeling helpless for the girl who thought numbness was the right choice. She couldn't even mask the way her world was slowly loosing color. To her, music would always paint her skies with color. All she can do now is envision the colors but in reality they were all desaturating with every passing day. There's pretty smile set on her lips yet feels like a tug of force knowing it was hard to act civil when her heart lost the battle.

-

"This place is so cool!" Hinata exclaims, eyes sparkling at the sight of the vivid posters and overall aesthetic and aura of the store. Nishinoya joins him on the excitement. Daichi turn to Kageyama who looked like a lost puppy, eyes wandering everywhere. Sugawara taps Daichis shoulder quite cutely holding up a vinyl in his hands.

"This looks like something she'd like!" He says with a smile and Nishinoya joins the conversation, holding out his own album waving it in the air claiming it was more her type. Asahi laughs at the two while he continues to view the albums that were in front of him.

Kageyama glances at his seniors along with the second years. He sees the genuine care they have for her but why is that he feels empty? Like he was numb to any feeling. He did miss her birthday, not even bothering to greet her, focusing on doing better for the next matches.

Hinata notices the dismay from the boy but his lips form a thin line, knowing exactly why Kageyamas clueless. He wonders about the feeling of neglecting a person that's been by your side for years. Kageyama seemed like he was a pro for such things. He always took notice of how Y/N would look whenever he's decline her offers, the way she walks to class disheartened but when she sees the setter, she instantly lights up at the sight.

Seeing her cry that day was enough for him to keep a distance.

How can he even comfort her? The moment she turned her back to Kageyama, she had a hopeless smile on her lips, tears continuously rolling down her puffy cheeks. He could see the way she collapsed that way. How the queen finally let go of her duties from the king.

-

Kageyama laid on his bed with earphones in, hands to his chest focused on the melodies. It was ironic how he wanted to badly catch up on what he's lost. He was badly trying to find the trail back to you but he was unfortunate. It seemed like he was the one that changed everyone's destination.

The moment she stepped in the gym, so bewildered at the different personalities they had. Hinata was the first one to approach her, asking her questions about their "friendship." The following months went by and Hinata found comfort in her and so did the rest of the team, favoring her for her endless support, always hearing her cheers at each game. After every match, she'd always encourage the others, being the brightest sun to cast upon the team who was discouraged.

Yet he found this unnecessary?

He bites his lip at his old thought. He hated himself for thinking how useless of a habit that was for you. He believed that Daichi was enough to lift up the spirits of his teammates so the team really didn't need you. It's opposite for the others though. They truly appreciated each of your compliments, each pat on the shoulder or head. Even if you wanted to do the same for him, he'd always walk away before you could even reach him. Hinata and Yamaguchi would always try to make you forget how harsh the boy was.

He lets his eyes close for a while. For a second, he was at peace but then words started resurfacing.

"How could you just walk away?"

He tries to ignore the tone of her voice, trying to drown it out by increasing the volume, but his heart was panicking at the memory. Even if he tightly shuts his eyes, all he can imagine was the sight of the last time he saw her. He wanted to sit up, to avoid the anxiousness that was crawling under his skin, but his back remained on the bed, struggling to escape the encounter.

"Is it that easy to forget me?"

Y/N.

(TW! Anxiety attack. Do not proceed if this makes you uncomfortable)

He calls out to her like a whisper, clutching his pillow as he stares wide eyed at the ceiling. He feels the room swirl around him, the walls caving on him as every insult and memory came to him. He sits up and desperately tries to walk but he collapses on the floor, hands quickly reaching the hem of his shirt bringing it over his shoulders. Panting incredibly with his sweat covering his forehead as he tried to calm himself down but each second he was reminded of a moment in his life he could never change.

"Hey..Kageyama it's okay." Y/N tries to reach for his shoulder but he harshly grabs a hold of her hand, gripping it tightly in his as he stares her down with his dark eyes, locking on her terrified ones.

"We fucking lost! To Aoba! To Oikawa! How can you act like this when we lost?!" Kageyama shouts at her and she winces at the volume but she lets her other hand rest on top of his, trying to make sure her eye contact reminded him that everything was going to be okay.

"Tobio- Karasuno will come back and win again.. You have to trust that everything isn't set in stone. Failure-"

"FAILURE? I don't have any fucking time for more failures Y/N! You simply don't know what that feels cause all you've been doing is tagging along and being useless." He spat and you felt your smile crumble at his words. He removes your hands from his as he frustratedly runs his hands to his hair, feeling as if pins went through his hands, blaming it for their loss.

"Kageyama..you don't m-mean that. Stop. I know you're angry-"

"I'm disappointed Y/N for fucks sake! I could've done better! We could've won if I didn't slip up. Stop acting like you can fucking solve everything and leave!" She takes a step forward to him as he extends out a hand, blocking her from moving any further. The gesture completely draining the life out of her, her heart growing more and more in her chest, the admiration for the boy trying to erase his negativity.

"K-kageyama-"

"Fuck Y/N! Can't I have a day without you talking to me? Or even being around me? I don't need you. The team doesn't need you. No one else does.. so please just leave already."

He stares at her for a while before rushing off, annoyance and pride feeding his heart and mind. She sees him getting more and more distant as she lets her last smile fall on her lips. All the love and joy was erased from her heart, feeling how shallow and dark the atmosphere was inside it. It began to feel like every heartbeat was slowing down as her tears painted her a trail as she walked. The tears continuously flooded her cheeks as every function of her body was weakening with every action.

She feels the tension that there was in the bus, while she was stuck in the corner, silent.

Silent but the Kings poison consumed her.

Happy birthday to me then. She thinks bitterly.

She looks at the scenery beside her, appealing dull. She allows her heart to cry at the sharp pieces that went through it, as if it was like a balloon being popped or like the light from a fire was blown out.

There was a certain part of her that died that day. She wonders if it was her entirely, or just her ability to feel anything apart from the harsh reality. It was the mere feeling of hearing him say the exact opposite of the words you were badly used to. As the person who he counted on even back at Kitagawa, you should've believed it. But every word he threw were all words that should've never been brought to light. You were back to zero to say the least, back at the darkest corner of your mind. Touching in with your negative emotions drowning you with every replay of of his words.

Then she glances at him.

She lets her eyes linger on him for the last time before she sighs, hands forming a ball, nails digging through her skin.

I don't know you anymore.

Kageyama opens his eyes slowly, hands reaching for his phone as he dials a forgotten number. He was panting furiously, desperate to hear the sound of your voice he was late to miss. He dreaded the silence the surrounded him, he wished the silence would be killed by your voice, assuring him that all was forgiven and you were ready to come back to him so he can apologize for everything he's done.

On the other end of the line, you sighed sadly. You the see way your phone lit up the dark room, seeing a name you've yet to see in months. You carefully place the phone in your hands, trying to find the feeling in your chest when he was around. The feeling of excitement to see or hear him has vanished yet you wished that you had the ability to feel for him again.

Love has faded, no evidence, not even a trace.

So you put the phone down, done waiting to be found.

Kageyama hears the way the sound of the phone stopped, seeing his wallpaper flash in front of him. He lets the tears fall from his eyes as he calls out to you one more time, even if you broke your promise, still holding on to it but there wasn't a chance for him anymore.

And the queen left the kingdom, leaving the king to rule by himself.

#kegayama tobio #haikyu x reader #haikyuu sugawara #hinata shouyou #hinata x reader #nishinoya x reader #sugawara x y/n #tsukishima fluff #tsukishima hcs #tsukishima x reader #haikyuu!! #kageyama x reader #yamaguchi fluff #haikyuu yamaguchi #haikyuu asahi #tobio x you #daichi sawamura x reader

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

ah yeah, i think quarentine has given people some opportunity to actually just sit with the person they are, rather than be rushing around for the person they want to become. its good you got smth good out of isolation! ah thats great! hope you had fun and ur partner in crime speeds back home so you can get out more hehe.

ah yeah ty, good suggestions.

hmm good point, i was sort of putting it separate to the whole not-sexualising thing, but yeah. mmm yeah i totally agree, some of the enhypen fics/imagines *shudder* and even reading innie stuff is just a bit *icky* cos everyone still thinks of him as our agi ppang. yeah def would be good but sadly this just seems to be the world we live in. :(

ah yes the holy masterlist (not sarc) i have actually read in the rain and gladius maximus before, but ill go look for in class! oooh thats good! character development lol. hmmmm yes champagne problems was the angst to end all angst, that shit hurt. it was actually one of the first of your fics i read and i recall almost crying over the whole thing, it was so heartbreaking, i can see how it almost made you want to drop angst. good that youve allowed yourself some lee-way tho :)

hehe thats so cool. okay here we go, ill try not to be mortally offended (/hj)

cheese - yes same, i liked it but that was all there was, it wasnt a super standout track. it was rlly underwhelming for me but some of the hook is super catchy so there is Redemption (tm) in store for cheese maybe

thunderous - mmm, yeah at first i totally agreed, i think they suffer from too much good music syndrome, that all their other tracks are such fucking bops its hard to stay at that level of perfection. the choreo was beautiful tho and tbh, the track has grown on me since ive been watching all the vids abt it. its my brothers favourite track

domino - YES GODAMMIT IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE TITLE TRACK. the raps, the vocals, the vibes, the fucking domino sound in the back? i would have streamed that shit on repeat. but tbh, as good as it is, it doesnt have that sort of grandness/oomph that skz seems to like in their title tracks so i can see why they chose thunderous (tho domino would have been so good) *sigh*

ssick - yeah same, not my fave track by a long mile, the crowd cheering was a ?strange? choice and the chorus was a bit bare/empty, plus like i mentioned earlier, it was kinda funny to me for some reason but ill still play it if im playing thru the whole album

the view - ahh one of those not like other girls (/j) i honestly think its just a good party song, just a bop to play in the background when nobodys rlly paying much attention. its pretty generic pop music but catchy

sorry, i love you - hehe yeah i thought it was going to be sadder as well, but i rlly loved the fact that they all just got to sing, which almost never happens, i dont think ive heard felix sing for a long time, so i enjoyed it. wasnt rlly a standout track but i just casually like it. looking forward to the fic haha

silent cry - this song i swear, some bits are rlly good and then others are just? why?? it does sound like a dance song tho idk. definitely not one of my faves either

secret secret - YES its so good! its such a chill song and i love their vocals in it. the combination of lo-fi/fake strings backup stuff and their heavenly vocals just makes it *chefs kiss* im listening to it rn and just... its so beautiful. it gives me pumped up another day vibes ya know? like my pace is edgy get cool, this one is energetic another day i feel like. overall i love it

STAR LOST - ah thats so cool! i didnt know that! on first listen this song had a similar vibe to secret secret but then the beat came in and ahh its such a good song. i can totally imagine them putting this song to a concert footage vid, this song is so sweet.

red lights - LMAO YES ITS SO AWKWARD WHY DOES IT GO ON FOR SO LONG ah thats good! yeah good point, its quite intense hehe. but that is my fave trope and this is lowkey my favourite track on the album so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ just the combination of hyunjins and chans voices, the backing music, the lyrics ahh red lights my beloved

surfin’ - yes lmao its always a shock, i feel like they should have put gone away in between them, but its such a fun cute song, i cant get rlly mad. yeah, as an aussie i think im contractually obligated to like beaches lol. sand im not such a fan of, but my familys rlly into fishing and my brother loves bodyboarding so we stay at a beach house at least twice a year and we live like 5 mins from 3 different beaches (hehe all aussie cities are on the coast lol) so thats cool. do you like beaches?

gone away - ah gone away my beloved, i love this song sm, its just so pure and showcases their vocals and lyrics so well. yes the pitch change is very out of the blue, i feel liek they went directly from seungmins soft vocals to hans powerful ones which was an interesting choice, but hey, im not complaining

wolfgang - YES IKR ah im so happy he got to be included in that era and song. yeah its such a full on song i cant rlly listen to it if im in a quiet mood but its very motivating :)

hehe mood, i hope they do! ahhh no rest, but at least you wont have to pull a blink and wait a year for any word from the group lol. im not rlly into nct but im excited for them! ah hopefully youll be able to sneak some rest into that chaotic schedule, with enhypen (idk if u stan but yeah) squeezed into it haha

<3 w.a. 🐺

i wheezed at partner in crime, it reminded me of smth. i have a lee know fic in the drafts that i wrote 'in honor' of him (and his departure-ish). i'll tag you when i finish it, if you want. it's a rather hilarious one.

oh my god. based on my experience on the collabs i've joined before, writing explicit shit for '01 & '02 is not accepted (nct's maknaes) but with enha's hyung line '01 & '02 somehow it's okay? i do a double take every time i see fics like those i mean, technically, it's legal but still what the fuck. maybe it's just not for me at the moment. not at us venting our frustration about this. it's just something that's so accepted here that i am (in all honesty) slightly uncomfortable about. but oh well. that's kpop writerblr for you.

man i could've linked all the fics in the ask instead so you wouldn't have to go looking for them! i think i saw you like in class the other day (the fic i renamed into sharp-tongued, god it took me a while to remember the new title). describing champagne problems as an angst to end all angst is one way to put what i was feeling back in december. it just hurt to write and admit?? if that ever happened to me i would prolly cry :d

okay back to the album talk! i love how you answered with more thoughts. i love exchanges like these! i am a victim of the cheese hook and it's now one of my favorite tracks in the album. PLS, TOO MUCH GOOD MUSIC SYNDROME. that's on our self-producing kings 😌💅 also, your brother has taste! as i am typing this, domino's currently playing in my head and i realized that too, that it doesn't have that 'vibe' of a skz title track. honestly, this could be a title track of another group. ssick is starting to grown on me because i found the beats cool kdjsk not the not like other girls 😭 the view is the generic pop that i don't like but i get why a lot of people enjoy it. sorry i love you scratches a certain itch that i find myself singing the first few lines every time i remember it. i too would want to hear felix sing more!

> a mini junction on the album talk bc i got side tracked. on that topic, i want skz to switch positions at some point like i know those allrounders are capable of doing so. specifically, i want to hear seungmin rap!!!! (yk in the recent weekly idol he talked faster than changbin in a challenge and changbin is like the fastest rapper in kpop that's active atm if im not mistaken. my dandy boy has some potential and i want it UNLEASHED.)

back to album talk. silent cry is basically sad music to twerk to. secret secret is definitely one of my favorite tracks :( i loved how you compared the tracks HAJSAH i burst out laughing bc yk what, you're right! i want to make a star lost edit of skz but i simply do not have the time i want to cry. i love the song so much. ok, my dreaded track, red lights. idt i have played the track since we last talked. my friend sent me the lyrics tho and i'm itching to write a twisted au out of it. idk if you're comfortable with yandere but somewhere along those themes. the obsessive type of love that's sweet at first but turns rotten. IMAGINE IF THEY PUT GONE AWAY BETWEEN ASHJA it's like going from 50 shades to the notebook.

i was about to ask if you lived near the coast and you literally mentions it here god im so stupid. yes i LOOOOOOOOOVE beaches so much. living in an archipelago is fun :( i live in a part of the country that's more island than city so every time i want some vitamin sea it's accessible. i heard the waves in australia are great :( anYWHOOO gone away :(( every time it plays im compelled to skip it because it makes me sAD AND NOWADAYS I DONT HAVE THE TIME TO BE SAD. contrary to you, i dislike my quiet moods because i tend to overthink a lot.

i have this little analogy about how there are stays that enjoy songs the generic pop + mellow songs and then there are other stays that enjoy the noisy tracks. in my mind, it's like a perfect balance that makes me feel like all the tracks are loved in the end. just by different people.

PULL A BLINK. bro i fucking hate yg entertainment. they have the biggest kpop girl group LOCKED in their basement when they could be (and i mean this in the most business-like way not morally) milking money of the quad. they're yg's biggest hope at not being bankrupt atm so it's a damn fucking mystery to me as to how they aren't doing anything. (jk i just realized lisa solo album soon, but i still need a ot4 cb hELLO)

i stopped looking forward to the teasers. rest > kpop boys. i don't want to sound like a cult member but have you tried checking out nct? are they just not your thing? (i get it tho, that's one hard group to get into). and yes i do stan enhypen!

wow i love how long these asks are! they're like online penpals. but i also want to ask about you! how have you been lately? are you feeling okay both mentally and physically? how's the weather there? do you have anything that you want to talk about? maybe an interesting book you read? feel free to bring up anything you want to share! i'm getting conscious about talking about myself HAJHSJ

and yet another long answer B) i am sooo sorry T___T should these ask exchanges feel draining to you, feel free to stop sending them in AAAA

#toff.asks #wild anon 🐺

[clonecaptains]

A Different Kind of Music - a Llewyn Davis x reader fic

rating: T - future M

a/n: this movie has become a comfort movie for me - and im emotionally attached to him so this was just a chance to write some of my emotions out. it’s self indulgent~ 

A Different Kind of Music

Your mouth drops open in disbelief. Emotion wells up in your heart, your chest feels tight and all the feelings have nowhere to go but in tears down your cheeks. Your hand comes to rest over your heart as if that would somehow heal the ache.

You’re at the Gaslight, and Llewyn Davis’s beautiful melancholy voice is tugging at your heartstrings. You knew his voice was lovely, that’s why you’ve come. To hear him sing, and to see him in person. Nothing could pull your attention from him singing. His mop of curls bounce as he sways slightly. His guitar rests on a thick thigh, and you blush. You’re even entranced by the veins on his neck – showing his passion as he sings.

He’s even more beautiful than the album cover suggests.

Yes, you have his album.

Inside Llewyn Davis.

It was a random find at a record store, there was a whole box of them untouched. You’d just begun to work at this little shop, and when the shipment came in you wondered by no one was buying it. You took one home and gave it a listen, and you’ve hardly listened to anything since.

So, when you heard he was going to sing at the Gaslight, you jumped at the chance.

Once his set was over, you anxiously got up from your seat to follow him. He walked up to the bar to speak to someone, then he went outside. You’re sure you looked like a little lost puppy following him up to the bar, only to be met with a greasy mustached man.

His eyes raking over you makes your skin crawl.

“When will he be back?” you ask, planting your feet a little. You won’t let this creep ruin seeing Llewyn.

“He went to see a friend out back,” he snickers. You don’t like his tone, and you don’t know what he means by ‘friend.’ “You can go on out there if you’re so eager.”

You brush past him in the direction of ‘out back.’

It’s a dimly lit alley, and you get the feeling you should be back here. You cling to the record in your hand, you almost forgot you had it with you.

A soft pained groan tells you that you aren’t alone in this alley. You look down at your feet to see that mop of curls, Llewyn is on the ground in a heap. You gasp.

“Mr. Davis? Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” an obvious lie. He grunts and brushes off his pants as he stands. “Mr. Davis is my father,” he snorts out through his nose, he’s brushing off his jacket now. His fingers poke through holes in fingerless gloves.

“I just wanted to say, I love your music,” you blurt out.

“Thank you,” he seems to cast it aside. Then he looks up at you finally, and you can see his face in the dark alley. “Hi,” his voice is suddenly gentle and less cold; dark brows were knitted together but they relax when he sees your face.

You can see him looking you over, but it’s not like the man at the bar. You’re clinging tight to that record, his record. His expression softens even further when he sees how tight you’re holding the album. He seems shocked in fact.

He takes a step further into the light and you see his lip is split and there’s a bruise on his cheek.

“Are you alright?” you ask him again, knowing he isn’t.

His dark soulful eyes look down at his feet then back up to your face.

“Would you like to get some coffee?” he asks, his feet shuffle under him.

“I know the perfect place!” you nod and tug on his shirt sleeve.

“Llewyn,” he offers after you tell him your name, “but it seems you already know that.”

“I love this album,” suddenly you’re embarrassed now. It’s late and you’re sitting across from him in a little coffee shop. You just had hoped he’d sign it; you didn’t think this would be how your night would turn out.

“You’re the only one I think,” he seems sad taking a long drink of coffee. He sighs at the warmth.

“The Death of Queen Jane made me cry,” you laugh shaking your head. You munch on a little cookie, hoping he can’t see the tears well up in your eyes. His eyes haven’t left your face once.

“I’m glad you liked the record,” he nods, his eyes flicking away when you catch his gaze.

“Do you want to come back to my place?” you blurt out. You’re not sure why. Your question seems to catch him off guard, his eyes widen a little and he almost smiles. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that how it sounded. I own a record store, and I thought maybe you’d like to come look around?”

“Sure,” he shrugs. You feel like a fool, why would a musician want to go to a record store? Or would they? What if it discourages him?

“You don’t-“ now you’re just nervous.

He laughs, his eyes crinkle in the corners and it’s the first time you’ve really seen him smile this big. “Let’s go,” he takes another sip of coffee. “Lead the way.”

There’s a chill in the air as the two of you walk towards your apartment. You explain to him that you’ve just moved to New York after your father died. He left you the record store and the apartment attached. No one else wanted it, but you couldn’t let the music die with your father.

“I have to get my key out of my place,” you tell him, and he quietly follows behind.

“Do you want me to sign that for ya?” he motions towards the record when you set it down on the kitchen table. There’s a teasing tone to his voice, but he’s sweet.

“Yes, actually,” you laugh. “Where are those keys?” you mumble to yourself while you look for them. Llewyn wanders around your apartment looking at all your things, and for a pen. “Got it!” you exclaim. He looks up from your living room to see you still in the kitchen. “We should do something about that bruise,” you tell him and open your freezer.

“You don’t have to-“ he tries to stop you. But he doesn’t argue when you gently press ice wrapped in a rag to his cheek. “Did someone pay you?” his eyes were closed but they open to look your way. You’re still holding the ice to his cheek.

“Pay me?”

“This is just the shit I need.”

“What?” you take a step back, letting him hold the ice to his face.

“Oh fuck, I’m sorry,” he buries his face in his palm, wincing in pain when he touches his lip – and in guilt for upsetting you.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m gonna get out of your hair,” he starts to walk past you, but you grab his arm to stop him. He seems surprised at your action, and the firmness of your hand tells him you mean it. With a sigh, he sits down on your couch and tells you his story. He doesn’t know why he’s telling you everything, and you don’t know why he decided to trust you with this information.

“So, what you’re saying is, you need somewhere to sleep tonight,” you smile at him.

“This is a nice couch,” he bounces on it a little, testing the weight.

“It doesn’t have to be the couch if you don’t want it,” you bite your lip. “You can sleep on my bed, I mean alone! Unless you want me to join-“

“The couch is fine,” Llewyn smiles again at how visibly flustered you become. Then he sees the slight disappointment in your eyes when he says no. “Someone told me it would be a favor to women everywhere if I never fucked again…” his voice trails off.

Shifting your weight, a little, you come to sit by him on the couch.

“I never do this, I mean I’ve never brought a guy home,” you look at your knee bouncing, then up to his face. He’s watching your every move. His soulful eyes under that big mop of curls are breaking your heart. “I don’t expect anything, I just meant the bed is more comfortable. I will sleep on the couch.”

“I can’t sleep in the bed, it’s yours. I’ll feel bad. Unless, you did join me,” he grins softly. He shifts in his seat, turning to face you. He reaches for you and cups your cheek in his hand. He holds your gaze for a moment, testing. Waiting to make sure you’re not going to pull away when he leans forward to capture your lips.

The gentle kiss breaks and you hop up from the couch. Now full of nervous energy. Awkwardly you both get ready for bed, unsure of the next move. Llewyn is quiet, he can sense you’re skittish. He simply undresses, leaving him only in boxer shorts and a white t-shirt.

Laying on the bed waiting for you to change, he sinks into the mattress with a sigh. He can’t even remember the last time he slept on a bed, especially one this nice.

Jittery and excited, you’ve changed from your clothes into your pajamas in the bathroom. You step into your room to find Llewyn fast asleep on your bed. A smile curves on your lips and your heart aches. From what he’s told you – you know this sweet soul hasn’t had a good night’s sleep in a long time.

So, you turn off the lights and slide under the covers with him. You curl into him like he’s a long-time lover. You smile to yourself, because in a way – he is. His music has been speaking to you for awhile now. This time you have the man the music comes from. Maybe tomorrow you will hear him sing, but right now in this moment hearing him snore softly beside you is music to your ears.

//

idk who to even tag?? 

@pascalispedro, @damndamer0n, @darksideofclarke, @tintinwrites

#llewyn davis #llewyn davis x reader #mine #my writing #im just kinda #experimenting???

[nosferatyou]

If I Can Be So Bold: Chapter 5 (Jack White x OC)

Summary: Shes back in Nashville and Ben finally drags Lee out to a Third Man show. To Lee’s surprise, she runs into an old friend...

WC: 3k

Warnings: Cigarettes, maybe cursing (?), and death by Jack White. 

Notes: Damn y’all its my best chapter to date. Honestly im pretty damn proud of this. Also why is jack white so damn hard to write. Is he a hard ass with a heart of gold, or a dad who happens to play guitar. When i figure it out ill let you know. PS. If you find my fic reference (or fic rec for anyone who hasn’t read it) shoutout to you. If youre anything like me you read the whole series in two days and couldn’t think about anything else. You probably also looked up Rosaries for sale.

This was 14 years in the making. We were bound to run into each other again. I was expecting it in a weird way. It always works out that way; you get over old turmoil, and the moment it’s gone, they show up. Your breath is sucked from your lungs, and you’re practically drowning on the spot even though you’re not even near water. Every single emotion in your being is trying to cram through your mouth, and you end up choking on it. Who knew it’d be today I die a death by Jack White. Guess I ran that risk when I entered his stomping grounds. 

“Lee, I swear I didn’t know he’d be here. I wouldn’t have brought you if I’d known. I’m gonna buy you any record in the store, whatever you want. Oh god, how am I going to fix this? Guess I could do emergency distraction plan #6. Though id need a knife-” I subtly flicked the back of his arm to shut him up. His panicked ramblings were only making me more nervous. He was here, actually here. I guess I just thought I'd have a couple more years of peace. 

He was staring so intensely at me, but not in anger or guilt. He was nervous. He was frozen and rigid. He was always so loose and eased into a room. Even when he was anxious, it never showed. As soon as I gained something from the absolute shock of it, all my body went against my brain. I felt my legs start to make their way over to him shakily, and there was no stopping them. Fuck I didn’t will this happen. Panic was bubbling up in my chest again. It didn’t help that he wasn’t reacting other than his eyes growing larger with each step I took. Finally, I reached him, and my arms tightly wrapped around him. This was better than the alternative that I thought would happen, which would end with a shiner and some bruised knuckles. He hadn’t grown length, but as I finally felt it all, I realized he'd grown into a man, out of his boyish figure from all those years ago. I sank into it, warm feelings bubbling up in my chest. I could finally breathe for a moment. He didn’t reciprocate my hug, but I met his eyes when I looked up at him, and all I could see was pure shock. I don’t think he would’ve moved if someone yelled fire. 

He mumbled, “Why don’t we find somewhere a little more private to talk, Rosie.”  I quickly nodded my head, and all that anxiety came back as soon as it was gone. I did not appreciate this little roller coaster I was on. He put his hand on my back to softly guide me to wherever we were going. It was a painfully silent walk as we weaved through Third Man. My brain kept flashing back to all the moments of our short end, mixing with all the good memories it made for a weird emotional cocktail. The more I thought about how little time we’d actually known each other, I got even more panicked. A year. That’s it, and I still acted like we were childhood friends who wronged each other. I shouldn’t be feeling all of this over a man who had such little time in my life. Still, that doesn’t change that he was at the forefront of my mind for all those years after. God, his hand was burning me where it lay. 

I hadn’t realized we’d made it to the spot until his words broke my thoughts. “Welcome to the Third Man roof, my secret spot, if you will.” I looked up to see a couple of lawn chairs and a crate between them, acting as a makeshift table. Cigarette butts strewed around the chair farthest from the edge. Jack was already walking towards what I assumed to be his chair. In tow, I followed, pulling my pack out of my pocket and lighting a cig. If this was going to happen, I was going to need a goddamn cigarette. He grimaced at the sight of Marlboros, pulling out his pack. Red Camels, still the same all these years later. Somethings just don’t change. Guess that’s comforting. 

“I thought you were a camels girl. What happened there?”  He was already reaching for another to hand to me. 

“Oh, just had to settle when on tour for whatever others had. It just stuck, I guess…” A lie. I put mine out on the ground when I sat down and grabbed the nostalgic camel out of his hand, our fingers barely touching. 

We sat in silence, smoking a piece of our past. I sure as hell didn’t know where to start, and I don’t think he did either. My body took over just as it had before and did what I couldn’t manage. I was blurting out words before I knew what was happening. 

I stumbled out, “I bought all your records over the years.” Smooth.

A small smile fell onto his face, and he took another drag. “I did the same thing.” He looked over at me, quickly looked me over, then took a quick drag and put it on on the ground. “Have a favorite?”

I pretended to think like I hadn’t thought of having a favorite. “I guess I’d have to say Consolers of the Lonely, but if we’re talking The Stripes, I’d have to say De Stijl. Though I always feel like I should say your first, since you know, I’m on it.” I sent a small smile his way and started to ease into my seat more. Not sitting up so straight, ready to bolt at any moment. “What about you, Jack? Hm? Have a Rosalie Wright favorite?” 

He answered without hesitation, “Surrender. I really liked that sound you had in 2004, where you got dirty and loud. It was a big change from your old blues tone. Someone told me it was because you moved to New Jersey, which honestly makes sense.” He stopped for a second and looked off. “That band, Leathermouth. When that album dropped, I played it when I was working in the upholstery shop, and Karen walked in. She turned right around after hearing, I think... My love has gone flat? I don’t know, but she asked me if I was doing okay at dinner that night.” He quietly laughed to himself, thinking over the memory.

“Anyone who wasn’t in the band asks me the same thing! They all said, “Hey, your new albums great! How are you doing? You need someone to talk to?” My smile fell. “Too bad all the guys found god. Nothing against that, of course! Just sucks they had to quit the band. Not Frankie, though. He wouldn’t find god even if he came to him on a piece of toast. I’d probably take some freak case of Stigmata for him even to consider it… Why am I still talking?” I blushed, realizing I'd been rambling too long about nothing that probably interested him

 Jack waved his hand in the air to dismiss my worries. “We’ve got years to catch up on, Rosie. Besides, I’ve missed your ramblings.” He lit two more cigs, handing one over to me. His stare lingered on me, and his eyes softened from his stoic face. “I really have missed you, Rosie… All these years and I’m still not quite sure what you’ve been up to. I’ve only heard things here and there from Ben.” He took a long drag. “Where have you been all this time?” 

I took a deep breath in, knowing the answer wouldn’t be the best. I spent a fair amount of drinking myself into oblivion over something he caused, so I kept my answer brief, “Oh, you know, toured, drank, slept in fans and friends basements. You know, a typical musician’s life. Oh! Got put on the FBI watchlist over a Leathermouth song. That was a fun night for Frankie and me.” 

He chuckled, put out his cig, and turned his body towards me. The same warm smile was adorning him. As I said, some things just don’t change. “I mean, I don’t know what you expected when you play a song with that title. It’s one of the only things you legally can’t say.” 

“Punk is punk, Jack. Too bad I was only playing guitar. I would’ve loved to scream that.” I put my cig out and put all my attention towards him. I hadn’t thoroughly looked at him the whole time we were up there. “It was hard not to stay caught up with you, Jack. You were everywhere. I tried not to pry, though. I never trusted the press. Though I heard about the divorce last year… I’m sorry you had to go through that again.” 

His smile faltered, and he stared down at his hands for a second. “It was inevitable. We were too different for it to last. I guess this shit always happens for a reason, huh? We just fell out of love, and that was that. I had a party to commemorate new friendships and everything. At least she can’t hide my Billie Holiday records now…” He trailed off on that last sentence. I could barely hear it, but I caught the small comment. He still thought about me. I didn’t mention it though. I could barely think back to the old memories. Me making him dance with me to Billie Holiday's self titled album. I guess I just wanted to feel like we were really together back then, creating that fantasy. I felt like I had to wave my imaginary hands around in my head to clear out the memories that had risen to the surface. He was making it so hard to have a clear head.

We stayed quiet for a moment. He seemed lost in his thoughts. We were always good at comfortable silences. I think we just liked being in each other’s presence, having that person next to you. It was weird to think that I only had these old images of him to think back to. He looked so different. He was built, his face filled out, his height would make him look skinnier than he was back then. He’s muscular, probably from years of touring with heavy equipment. He looked his age. His eyes hadn’t changed though. His face was almost menacing for how serious it naturally rested. His eyes stayed bright, excited for everything ahead of him. He always hid that, and he probably still does. 

“I’m sorry, Rosie. For everything that happened. It was selfish of me to -” I cut him off. This was for another day. I don’t think I could handle drudging up the past tonight.

“Make it up to me some other time. I just want to enjoy you tonight.” I sent a smile his way and went to stand up. “Better make it good though.” I went to lean against the wall to take in the Nashville skyline I missed so much. 

I heard the gravel crunch underneath his shoes as he made his way next to me. His lighter clicked, and the sweet smell of tobacco filled the air. Moments later, he appeared next to me, cigarette in hand, ready for me to take. He clicked his lighter on and offered it out for me to light. I leaned in close and took a heavy drag. My eyes caught his left hand, cupping around the flame. No ring. It really was done, no lingering feelings. I moved back to lean against the small wall, leaning my head against my hand. I tried not to focus on the emotions that stirred in me when I noticed the absent metal on his finger.

“I really did miss this. Detroit was beautiful, but it never could beat the Nashville skyline. Maybe I was just missing home.” I finally got to take in the scenery around us. September in Nashville has never really been cold. I feel like I should be worried about that, but if I can avoid a sweater, I will. It was a comfortable kind of warm. You could sit out on your porch and not think about a thing. The small breeze was nice, taking away from the constant humidity. Then there was that constant. It never felt like Nashville’s downtown ever changed from far away. It was just stuck in time. The deeper you go, the more you realize the magic of music city is being taken over by honky tonks and drunk bachelorettes. Though the farther you drift away, the more you can feel like you're in the good ole days of classic Nashville. Back when the Ernest Tubb Record Shop didn't have a constant flow of Lynyrd Skynyrd cover bands but had undiscovereds like Loretta. Now you just have to settle for the sights and the small music scene curated by The End. 

“Is it bad I feel the same way? Even if it’s not home home, it still feels like it. I think the skyline reminded me of coming home after long tours. It’s always the first thing you see. It’s a comfort.” 

We weren’t touching technically, but our shoulders were so close I could feel it. I think he was deliberately keeping his space. I should be mad or angry. Something. But the feeling of him next to me was just as calming as the views. That same feeling of home lulling you in. He always felt like that to me. That dumb warm feeling in your chest that makes heavier days just a little lighter. It’s a bit shameful that I feel it all now, just as strong as back then. 

“You know the only reason I came tonight is because Ben told me you wouldn’t be here. Something about your kids,” I took a drag. “Not that I regret coming! I just- Kids. How fucking weird is that? Never pictured you with kids. I always saw you as the same lanky kid from before.” 

He snorted and bumped my shoulder with his own. “You know I found it odd you never had any. I mean, you were always weirdly maternal with Ben back when he was a teenager. You about took my head off when I told you I gave him a couple of beers. Oh, and those times I practically had to rip Jasper out of your arms after we got home from one of our first tours.” 

“He was 16! His brain wasn’t fully formed yet, plus your mom would’ve murdered you.” I gave his arm a small playful hit and took another drag. “And I just haven’t had the time. Or the means to. I mean, I dated like two guys? Both were shit bag roadies who lasted all of two weeks. I kissed Frankie once, but the moment it ended, we about threw up. He’s a different kind of family. His kids call me Auntie Lee if that says anything.” 

The conversation ended at that, and we fell back into our silence. I looked over and saw a small, content smile on his face that I was so used to seeing. Some things just don’t change.

 It feels weird sitting here with him. We both were so happy to see each other. We just wanted to enjoy this time. At least, I think he’s the same way. He seems guarded, it’s subtle, but that wall is there. He used to be like this, but for different reasons. Secret wife reasons. I can only assume that now it’s the fame he’s been showered with. You can't show all your feelings with recognition like that. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught him checking his watch. He muttered out shit when seeing the time. 

Exasperatingly he said, “Speaking of kids, I’ve got to get home. I didn’t realize how late it had gotten. I promised Scarlett I'd be home to say goodnight.” 

My smile faltered a little, but my heart grew at the comment about scarlet. He’s always loved so hard. It was only natural that he would be a good father. 

We both put out our cigs and silently made our way out to where his car parked. I just mindlessly followed along, definitely not thinking about him and how wonderful he probably was with his kids. 

When we got there, we just kind of stood there. Neither of us knew how to say goodbye. It was never something we did.

“I’m really glad I got to see you tonight, Rosie. Seriously.”

My body betrayed me, just like it had in the recording room. I quickly moved forward and hugged him tightly, except this time, I could enjoy it a little more. His frame was so warm compared to the chilly September night. He finally wrapped his arms around me and practically threw himself into the embrace. He had no hesitation whatsoever. I nuzzled my face into his chest, a bit too shamelessly, but this was 14 years in the making. 

When we finally (and hesitantly) pulled away, he asked, “ Listen, I don’t think I can just walk around town knowing you’re here and not see you. Can we get coffee or something? I don’t care what we do as long as it’s with you.” 

I felt a giant smile fall onto my face. I was afraid this whole time we would just kind of say goodbye and not talk again. It was dumb to feel so happy over a small gesture, but it was just what I was looking for. He was infectious back then, and he is. Once you fall back into his circle, you never wanted to leave. “I’ll agree to coffee only if,” I gave him a playful poke in the side, “you help me fix my amp. I can usually do it, but I really did a number on her this time.” I held out my hand for him to shake. It’s not a deal if you don’t shake on it.

“It’s a date then.” A small smile appeared on his face, and he grabbed my hand to shake it.

“It’s a date.” We stood their just shaking hands and smiling at each other. We probably looked insane from far away, but who cares. Me and Jack were on the road to reasonable terms.

Tag list: @shamoane @elinyaes

#jack white #the white stripes #nosferatyou writes #if i can be so bold fic #if i can be so bold #the raconteurs #leathermouth #frank iero #UHV reference #can you tell that ive hyper fixated on frank as well #its obvious i know #gotta slide him into my works somehow #also they really got to cut down on the cigs #the bastards #also ben whats the distraction plan number 6 #im curious #and as i always say #bet Jack is a bottom #bet you like 5 bucks and the little clay mushroom house i made

[alright--okay]

you ever been to a basement show? pt. 4

tsukishima kei x reader

summary: Tsukishima sees you everywhere, and for a big school thats weird. And it’s not like he’s gonna do anything, that’d be even weirder, but one day in your shared lecture he sees you wearing a shirt with some small band’s name. A band he know. And well, now he has to know who you are.

word count: ~2.7 k

a/n: the first five chapters are already on ao3 so imma post them here real quick, hope anyone reading enjoys!

read on ao3!

pt. 4 Go Home. Play Music. Feel Better. - Michael Cera Palin

“Ohoho, look who decided to show up,” you said to Tsukishima as he moved to sit beside you in the lecture hall.

Tsukishima gave you an exasperated look, “class didn’t even start yet. Also please don’t take on those idiots’ mannerisms.”

“Why not? I think it’s fun. And completely unrelated, but want to come to the store with me after class? Bokuto recommended me this hair gel and I’ve always wanted to try-”

“Please stop,” Tsukishima turned to face the front of the class as you broke out into quiet giggles.

“Seriously though, I didn’t get to eat breakfast this morning so I’m gonna get something at that cafe near our apartments if you want to join.”

This wasn’t a date. Tsukishima knew this. That didn’t stop his heart from beating a tad bit faster or the apples of his cheeks growing rosier.

Tsukishima shifted his arm to one of the uncomfortable arm rests of the seat, leaning his head against his hand to hopefully help cover any of the heat on his cheeks, “yeah, I’m down.”

“Cool,” from the corner of his eye, Tsukishima saw you give your own small smile as you turned to focus on the professor about to start the lecture.

This wasn’t a date.

~~~~~~

Class dragged on, but soon enough you and Tsukishima were making the short journey to the cafe.

“Did you finish the paper for that class?” Tsukishima asked.

“What paper?”

“The one he assigned last week? Due on Wednesday? The one on that civilization-”

“Wait, no, no, no. That paper’s due on the 18th.”

“y/n…” Tsukshima slowed his pace to look you in your eyes, “Wednesday is the 18th.”

You let a quiet “fuck” slip from your mouth as you faced forward, moving quickly to the cafe now only a few shops away, “then no, I haven’t even started it.”

“Yeah that seemed pretty obvious,” Tsukishima said with a smirk.

“He never mentioned it again! I can’t keep track of everything!”

“Yeah, not even the date apparently,” Tsukishima snickered, opening the door for the two of you.

“Alright, listen!” Tsukishima’s laugh only grew louder, “I thought this class was gonna be fun and easy, and now I have to write a paper in like two days. Disgusting,” your attentioned moved to the menu hanging above the register.

“It’s short, you’re being dramatic.”

“Fuck you,” Tsukishima let out a startled laugh while you moved forward to give your order and pay then stood off to the side waiting for Tsukishima to do the same.

Tsukishima silently pointed to a table off in the corner that was free, “what is your major anyway?” he said as the two of you settled down into the seats.

You told him your major with a small shrug, “Nothing too special, but I liked it in high school so I figured I’d just keep up with it. Are you actually archeology or are you also just in this class for the hell of it?”

Tsukishima rolled his eyes, “Yes, I’m an archeology major, but this class doesn’t count for much since it's pretty entry level.”

“So what you’re saying is that you’re good at this stuff?”

“I’m not writing your paper.” “I wouldn’t ask that!” you said with a frown, “I was wondering if you could at least help me though. Read it over, give me some advice, make sure it’ll give me a decent grade, stuff like that. Come on, I’ll make you cookies.”

Tsukishima paused for a moment, “What about a strawberry shortcake?”

“I mean I’ll have to go to the store…” Tsukishima continued to stare at you, “but fine! Yes, I’ll make you a strawberry shortcake, you bastard.” You mumbled the last part under your breath as you got up to get yours and Tsukishima’s orders.

Making a cake would be a small price to pay for a good grade in a class you honestly didn’t care about. Spending time with Tsukishima didn’t hurt either.

“Get as much of it done as you can tonight, I’m done with class pretty early tomorrow so we can work on it together at my place whenever you’re free,” Tsukishima gave you the short rundown as you place the food on the table.

“Why don’t we do it at my place? You have like three roommates. I have Yachi.”

“Good point, text me tomorrow when you’re good,” Tsukishima said with a small nod.

~~~

It was a little past one on tuesday when you decided to text Tsukishima.

To Tsukishima archeology:

hey im walking home now so feel free to come over whenever

From Tsukishima archeology:

alright ill be there soon

You slid your phone back into your pocket, trying to turn your focus on the music flowing through your headphones and not on the lanky blonde that would be spending the rest of the day in your apartment.

You saw Tsukishima at least three times a week and most of that time was spent alone with each other in class or recitation, but this was… different. You were going to be actually alone with the guy. No distractions from a professor or a friend or a cafe worker calling out names. And okay Tsukishima was mildly attractive… Okay he was attractive but you wouldn’t let that come between you and the new friend you made in the snarky asshole.

It's not like anything would happen anyway. Tsukishima definitely didn’t like you like that, and no amount of daydreaming him confessing to you would make it come true (even if it was a very nice daydream).

It wasn’t long before you made it up to your apartment. Yachi had a late class today so you weren’t expecting her back until tonight, hopefully after Tsukishima had already left. It wasn’t that you didn’t want Yachi to know… but Yachi had already been making assumptions and Tsukishima coming over to “do work” alone in your room would do nothing but feed her imagination (even if it was the truth).

In the middle of eating a quick snack, Tsukishima sent you a text saying he was at your building.

You scrambled down the staircase of your building to meet Tsukishima who was waiting (somewhat) patiently on the stoop of your building.

“Finally,” he muttered as you widened the door for him to pass.

“You gave me no warning! Should’ve left you out here longer.”

“Should I just leave then? Seems like you don’t want me here so I’ll just-”

You put your hands on Tsukishima’s back, pushing him further into the building, “Nope, you’re helping me. You already agreed, no backing out.”

Tsukishima let out a dramatic sigh, now trailing behind you, “Did you at least start it?”

“Yes, in fact, I did. Almost done too, just need one more paragraph to push me over the word minimum.”

“What am I supposed to do in the meantime? I thought I was just gonna read it over?” Tsukishima asked as you let him into your and Yachi’s apartment, leading him to your small kitchen table.

“I dunno, dude; do other homework, work on your own paper, pick an album to listen to,” you gestured lazily towards your bedroom door, “all my vinyl is in the crates to the right.”

You could tell Tsukishima tried very hard to hide his excitement, “well, I already submitted my paper,” he ‘casually’ slid his backpack off his shoulders and made his way to the door you just pointed out.

You followed him over, showing him the milk crates you were talking about, your record player sitting on the dresser nearby.

“If you're gonna be sitting here, I’ll work at my desk,” you gathered your laptop and the notebook you had used to organize your paper, settling at the small desk, “if you need any help let me know.”

Tsukishima gave you a small smile and proceeded to get down on the floor to sit cross legged, flipping through the crate closest to him.

The two of you continued in silence for a while until Tsukishima gave a light poke to your shoulder, a recognizable album in his hand.

“I’ve never actually used a record player, so can you…” he trailed off, pushing the album towards you.

You tried to contain your amusement. Tsukishima clearly did not want to be asking you this, but you were glad he took this route instead of trying it and scratching up your records.

“Yeah sure, good pick by the way,” you got up from your desk chair and took the album, sliding the sleeve out to get to the vinyl itself, this one in particular being a bright blue as opposed to the typical black.

You ran him through how to handle the records and how to work your particular player so he would be able to flip and change the records whenever, and soon enough the beginning of Just Friends’ album Nothing but Love began to play.

You smiled again, making your way back to your desk to finish up your paper while Tsukishima went back to sitting on your floor, alternating between listening to the music and playing on his phone.

By the time the album came to an end you placed your laptop in Tsukishima’s lap, “be gentle,” you said, moving to grab an album at random and replace the one coming to an end.

“I’m not gonna promise anything,” he replied, adjusting his glasses to begin reading your paper.

You wandered off to the kitchen for a glass of water, not wanting to be in the room while Tsukishima was judging your writing.

“It’s not that bad!” Tsukishima called from your room, you walked over to lean in the door frame, “I marked some stuff you should reword and you should probably include that thing he mentioned a while ago…” Tsukishima continued to talk about your paper, flipping through notes to bring up examples and point out which parts he found errors in.

“But not bad?” you questioned again with a small smile, taking your laptop back.

“Not great, but not bad,” he said getting up to get his own stuff from the kitchen.

“I’ll take it!” you took it as a win when you heard Tsukishima’s laughter from the other room.

~~~

It was well into the evening by now, Tsukishima had helped fully finalize your paper a while ago but the two of you continued to talk and do work in your room. At this point you knew Yachi was going to be here soon. You would have to kick Tsukishima out now if you didn’t want her to notice just how long the boy had spent here and that just seemed rude and unnecessary (plus you didn’t really want Tsukishima to go just yet).

“Did you want to just stay for dinner? Yachi said she's picking something up, so if you want anything speak now.”

Tsukishima paused shortly at your question, “where’s she stopping?”

You relayed your and Tsukishima’s order to Yachi hoping she’d get home soon so you could have a proper meal.

You and Tsukishima were back to the floor, sifting through albums and talking over the music in the background.

“I wish you had A Flourish and a Spoil,” Tsukishima said, examining the art of one particular album.

“By The Districts?” Tsukishima’s eyes darted over to you, making you laugh, “I have that one, just probably got misplaced if it’s not with the D’s,” you took a minute to think back to the last time you had listened to the album, trying to place where it currently was.

You hauled yourself up and went to your dresser. Beside your record player was a short stack of albums you had been listening to the other day but were too lazy at the time to properly put away. Sure enough, the dark album art peaked from the pile.

You took the whole stack over to your crates, passing the album to Tsukishima’s waiting hands.

“We’re listening to this next,” Tsukishima said, eyes roaming the back of the album, examining all the details.

“We can definitely do that,” you replied, sorting the albums, “but Yachi’s gonna be here soon so you good with waiting a little bit?”

He gave you a small nod and the two of you resumed your quiet activities with the current record coming to an end. It wasn’t long after you heard the apartment’s door open with Yachi making her presence known.

The three of you sat around the small kitchen table, eating your food and talking about your days. You tried to ignore all of Yachi’s “subtle” looks in favor of asking about the class she just got out of.

“I hate that it lets out so late!” Yachi complained, dropping her head to the table, “I’m so tired and the walk home gets scary in the dark.”

“You can always ask me or Yamaguchi to walk with you,” Tsukishima said, looking up from his food, “if you’re really anxious we really wouldn’t mind, it’s a short walk.”

“Tsukki!” Yachi let out a cry, tears gathering in her eyes, “don’t listen to them, you’re so sweet, I love you.”

“Wait, listen to who-” Yachi interrupted his questions by giving his stiff posture a hug, “what are people saying about me?”

Yachi continued her hug, Tsukishima slowly raising a hand to pat her back, “nothing, nothing, it doesn’t matter anyway.”

You laughed at Tsukishima’s confused and irked expression, clearly not knowing how to interpret Yachi’s words.

Yachi removed herself from Tsukishima, “well, I am exhausted, goodnight,” Yachi said, giving you both a smile.

“Goodnight, Yachi, see you tomorrow,” you said, Tsukishima giving his own goodnight before turning to look you in the eye.

“It’s time,” he said, quickly cleaning up your plates and then heading to your room.

You laughed as you trailed behind him. He was already setting up the vinyl so you settled on your bed, letting your back fall into the comforter sitting atop your mattress.

The opening beats of the first song gently filled your room, quiet enough to not disturb Yachi but loud enough that the thumping drums still hit in your chest. Tsukishima turned around and you patted the spot beside you. He seemed to hesitate for a second before making his way over, letting his body lay beside your own.

“I used to listen to this album all the time in high school,” Tsukishima said to the ceiling. You turned your head to look at his side profile, “I think at the time it was just cause I liked how it sounded,” he paused for a particular chorus to pass, “but now I actually listen to it.”

You turned your head back to the ceiling, “I get that. A lot of albums have changed meaning for me over the years. This always felt like a new beginning though.”

Tsukishima hummed beside you. You let the music fill the room, you and Tsukishima each focusing on the lyrics of each song and how one connected to another.

Side A came to its gentle end, so you got up to slowly flip it, not wanting to break the calm atmosphere your room held at the moment. You took your spot beside Tsukishima again, trying not to disturb him.

“God, this album slaps,” Tsukishima mumbled under his breath at the crescendo of the song, making you break out into a laugh. Tsukishima surprisingly let out a chuckle of his own, “what? You know it's true.”

“I know, I know,” you let your giggles peter out, “I feel like you have to save that for Young Blood though.”

“It can be applied in a variety of places, don’t go around constricting me.”

“Fair enough,” you smiled at him, scooting your legs further on the bed to get more comfortable.

Young Blood, as good of a song as it was, was eight minutes long and by the final words of it, you could feel yourself drifting. It started with just resting your eyes, but soon your body was trying to catch up on the lack of sleep.

As your mind was shutting down, you heard a soft snore beside you. I’ll deal with this tomorrow, you thought to yourself before succumbing to the warmth of your room and the body beside you, letting the final song of the album lull you to sleep.

#haikyuu!! #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #tsukishima kei #tsukishima kei x reader #tsukishima x reader #tsukki x reader

[taexual]

HOLIC - 38 | jb x reader

pairing: Im Jaebum x Reader

genre: enemies to lovers au | roommate au

warnings: mostly angst

words: 4.3k

disclaimer: i do not own the gif, please let me know if it belongs to you, so i can give proper credit

           prev / next

The ride back home was quiet. This time, the road wasn’t quite as empty – and it was daytime – so Jaebum didn’t need you to keep him awake, which worked out in your favor because, while his mind was buzzing with joy, yours was foggy with dread and you wouldn’t have been able to hold a conversation even if you’d tried. So, instead, you tried to sleep but the wheels inside of your mind would not stop turning and you ended up spending nearly the entire ride back home half-laying on the passenger seat, clutching your knees to your chest – however big of a safety hazard that was – until you couldn’t feel your legs anymore.

If Jaebum minded your lack of talking, he didn’t show it and instead continued to hum along whichever song played on the radio. The sound was soothing but your heart still sunk whenever your mind gave you a reality check, crudely reminding you that you wouldn’t be able to spend the rest of your life in this car where nothing ever seemed to go wrong – and if it did go wrong, like the time you’d gotten lost, is till found a way to work out for the better. Eventually, you’d be back in your apartment. You’d have to make a decision about your future. You’d have to find enough strength to fight your fear and decide if you preferred to watch Jaebum’s career take off on the sidelines, or if you wanted to achieve success at the same time as him.

Funnily enough, the more your mind tortured you, the faster the drive turned out to be, and Jaebum was suddenly pulling into the parking lot of your building as one of his hands came to rest on your leg.

“We’re here,” he whispered gently, unsure if you were awake. “Should I keep the engine running so you can continue to nap here? Because, no offense, but I’m not carrying you all these flights of stairs with our elevator not working—”

“I’m awake,” you spoke, your voice groggy. You glared at him once you opened your eyes. “You’re a real romantic.”

Jaebum grinned. “So I’ve been told. You feeling alright?”

“Sure,” you replied with a sigh, momentarily forgetting the front you’ve been putting up ever since you left Jiho’s gallery. “Just tired.”

Now that the original excitement of the moment he’d received the good news from Jackson had passed, Jaebum’s usual perception was back and he could tell right away that you weren’t being completely honest – for one, you didn’t look him in the eye and, what’s more, your eyebrows were crinkled as though you’d spent the entire six-hour ride back home attempting to apply Einstein’s theory of relativity to some kind of astrophysical realms far beyond his imagination; also, your eyes were red even though you’d kept them closed all this time – but he decided not to push because, even though it was obvious that you were keeping something from him, he could also see that you’d meant it when you said you were tired.

“Okay,” he said, undoing his seatbelt and then helping you undo yours. “Let’s go home and sleep there.”

Sleeping, however, was not what you did once you were back in the apartment. Your mind was still hazy with doubts and uncertainty about your future – by all means, you did look like you needed to sleep for, at least, a week to recover from this trip – but Jaebum was extremely alert as he kept checking his phone every three seconds, only allowing himself to yawn when he was sure that he had no new notifications. You knew exactly why he was fidgeting so much.

“Go,” you told him after you’d changed into sweats and saw him still very much immersed in his phone in the kitchen. “Jackson is probably waiting for you.”

“He isn’t,” Jaebum replied with a sigh, putting his phone down on the island in front of him. “He hasn’t been replying to me since we got back to the city.”

“That’s just twenty minutes, then,” you said, watching him take a deep breath and then, very ceremoniously start pacing around the kitchen island.

“Yeah. Plenty of time for him to occupy himself with something else. Something more exciting than… this,” Jaebum gestured his hands around vaguely.

You shook your head. “What could he possibly find more exciting that his best friend’s big break?”

“Jackson? Anything once the initial excitement dies off,” Jaebum replied. “I mean, he’s one of my closest friends, but, I swear, the guy has the attention span of a squirrel. He’s probably off at some party already, his phone long forgotten.”

For a moment, you could not understand why your heart seemed to perk up at the mention of a party. And then you were struck with the bitter recollection of the conversation Jaebum had had on his phone at the convenience store of the gas station last night.

You squinted your eyes, asking carefully, “does Jackson know Cassie?”

“Cass—why?” Jaebum stopped moving. He realized the answer to his own question a second later. “Oh. No. I-I mean, he does. They were friends, too. Well, sort of. But no. He’s not there. T-that party is on a whole different level for us now. Even for Jackson.”

“Right,” you said, swallowing. The party didn’t seem like such a huge deal when you were hundreds of kilometers away from it but now that you were back in the city – and Jaebum’s friend was suddenly MIA – you were starting to grow more worried about it. “Maybe the sound of his phone is off. Or maybe he’s doing something important. I’m sure he’ll get back to you soon.”

Jaebum nodded, allowing your words to comfort him because he could still recognize the traces of exhaustion on your face. “You should go get some sleep.”

“How can I sleep when you’re this close to filing a missing person’s report on Jackson?” you teased, hoping that the playful jab will take the attention off of the evergrowing pile of anxiety on your shoulders. You were probably slouching already, the weight of your worries getting too much.

“Sure, make fun of me,” Jaebum said, finally sitting down on a stool nearby and then – seemingly inconscpicuously – nodding his head towards the stool opposite him, across the island. Your designated spot. “I’d really lose my mind if you weren’t here. Oh—I realize how selfish that sounds now that I’ve said it—”

“No,” you cut him off, sitting down. “I like to be useful. Talk to me about what you want your first album to be like. Distract yourself from waiting.”

What you were really hoping for – in a way that certainly was selfish – wasn’t just for Jaebum to momentarily forget that Jackson was ignoring him – although that would surely be beneficial for your poor neighbors downstairs who have had to listen to your creaking floorboards make noise non-stop since you’ve returned to the apartment – but also for yourself to forget the stupid party that Jaebum’s ex-girlfriend was essentially throwing for him, and the stupid interview at the gallery where Jiho’s stupid face showed up with his stupid offer that your stupid life depended on.

The whole situation you were in was stupid but then Jaebum sighed with a shake of his head and you saw the first glints of smile on his face, and, suddenly, the weight on your shoulders got lighter. That was his specialty, you’ve learned – Jaebum was the only person able to teleport you into a different reality, leaving your anxiety behind, with just one smile.

“I’m not sure if it’s going to work,” he said then, but the same yearning smile was still on his face, “since I would, basically, still be talking about the very thing I’m supposed to distract myself from.”

“Yeah, but you’d be looking at it from a different perspective,” you disagreed. “Hopeful instead of desperate. So, come on. Tell me. Are you going to return to your rapper roots, maybe include some diss tracks?”

Jaebum laughed, shaking his head. “No. The only song remotely close to a diss track that might make it to the album is “Don’t Touch Me.””

“Hey, that’s a start!” you clapped your hands supportively and Jaebum laughed. Finally. “Have you thought of any titles? First name usually works well for debut albums – I can just see it on the shelf at our local grocery store, “Im Jaebum by Im Jaebum: buy one get one free.””

He was laughing again. “Are you saying my albums will sell so bad, they’ll have to put it on sale to get rid of the remaining copies?”

“No, I’m predicting that you’ll be releasing new albums so fast, the salespeople will have no choice but to put them on discount or else every music section at every store will only feature your works,” you replied. “Although, now that I think of it, that doesn’t sound so bad. Imagine all the money you’ll make.”

“I’m not in it for the money,” he reminded you.

“No, I know that. But, still, imagine,” you said and then added teasingly, “maybe you’ll even earn enough to pay me back for enduring you for so long.”

“Hey!” Jaebum shot back, “this was going so well and you just had to ruin everything.”

“I can’t keep stroking your ego,” you explained, “God knows it’s already big enough.”

“Oh, big enough,” he repeated, his mind suddenly elsewhere. “I see. What else is big about me, I wonder?”

You squinted your eyes, reading through him but refusing to give him the satisfaction.

“Hmm,” you pretended to think, leaning on your elbows. “I can’t seem to come up with anything else, to be honest. That must be it.”

Jaebum watched you for a moment, his own eyes narrow and glistening. Then, he shook his head and warned you with a dead-serious expression, “you’re going to get it one of these days.”

“Oh, exciting,” you said. “What am I going to get?”

“You—” the buzzing of his phone interrupted what was undoubtedly going to be a very witty response and Jaebum lunged to pick the device up from where he’d left it before he sat down.

You watched him read the message and then turn to face you with wide eyes.

“It’s Jackson,” he said. “He wants to meet me and discuss everything in person.”

“Well, go, then!” you said, waving your hand in the direction of the front door of the apartment. You weren’t sure if Jaebum really needed your encouragement – he did, actually – because he looked like his mind was already in Jackson’s studio even if his body was still here. “Let me know how it goes when you’re back.”

“I will,” he said, not forgetting to kiss you before darting for the door – and then backing up again one more time. “I want to take you with me. But you need to get some proper sleep. Your eyes are bloodshot.”

You hadn’t realized your eyes were red but, as soon as he’d mentioned it, you started to feel the stinging sensation behind your eyelids every time you blinked. Your eyes must have been unusually dry and yet you were so preoccupied with your mind, you’d completely ignored the physical signals your body was sending.

“I’ll be waiting for you here,” you said, your smile letting him know how much you appreciated him wanting you to come with. “Don’t take too long, though, or I’ll fall asleep.”

“Never,” he promised and, after nodding his head in the general direction of your—or his; it was hard to tell —bedroom, he disappeared into the hallway.

You only dared to release the breath you’d been holding when you heard the front door close. Debating what you should do – stay in the kitchen and stare at the empty living room area ahead, or return to your room and stare at the walls of your empty bedroom instead – you toyed with the corner of the countertop of the kitchen island. Now that you were alone in the apartment, everything you’d kept inside was suddenly rushing to the surface and you realized you weren’t going to be able to keep sitting still for much longer.

You needed something to occupy yourself with, so you went to take a shower and purposefully played loud music to drown out your thoughts. It helped for the first few songs – because you could sing along under your breath – but then your playlist decided to introduce you to some new – melancholic, of course – music you’ve never listened to before and, immediately, you found yourself standing in the shower, with your head down, the water pouring on your hair and sliding down your shoulders in nervous dribbles. It would have looked comically dramatic had you been watching yourself from afar.

Once you managed to clear your head by turning the knobs until the water was scalding hot and your skin was rapidly reddening, you finally started to feel less like you were outside of your own body. The steam in the shower cabin made it difficult to breathe, however, so you didn’t stay in the cabin for too long. 

The damp warmth inside of the bathroom itself, as well as the fogged up glass door of the shower and the mirror above the sink reminded you too much of Jaebum’s car on the night before your interview, and you felt your mind drift back to the trip whether you liked it or not. There really wasn’t much that could distract you from it.

After you stepped out of the shower and wrapped your hair in a towel, throwing a robe on your body, you opened the door of the bathroom to let some cold air in, and then leaned against the sink with your hip, grabbing your phone to pause the music.

You needed silence as you braced yourself for what you were about to do.

You hadn’t really taken the shower to come up with a definite decision, regarding Jiho’s proposal. The decision what to do had come to you even before you entered the shower – although, truthfully, being closed up in a small space, surrounded by water and steam, did work as a great stimulant for your mind – and if you had to pinpoint the exact moment that triggered you to reach a decision, you’d say it was the sound of the door closing as Jaebum walked out to meet up with Jackson, a lengthy discussion about his future awaiting him.

You wanted to close that door, too. You wanted that future, too.

And, as you typed the text message on your phone, you figured that maybe you didn’t need to make the ultimate decision right now. Agreeing to a meeting with Jiho when he’s back here in the city would only mean you’re giving him another chance to convince you to do this but you weren’t going to give him a guarantee you’d say yes. You thought Jiho was smart enough to realize that himself but he probably also expected you to be smart enough to understand that this was your last chance.

If you had him adjust his schedule to make some time for seeing you and then ended up saying no, he wouldn’t offer again. 

Depending on which angle you looked at this from, it could be both good and bad. Good because you didn’t want to associate yourself with Jiho anyway and, surely, his pride wouldn’t allow him to pursue you professionally – or in any other way, to be honest – any further. But also bad because this was your only opportunity to have an exhibition of your own.

Then, just as you started to think that you might have to find a different way to get yourself known in the photography world because Jiho didn’t answer your text for, at least, twenty minutes – so this was what Jaebum must have felt like in your kitchen earlier – he finally got back to you.

And he wanted to know if you were free to meet him for lunch this Tuesday.

Exhaling slowly, you left the bathroom and headed to your bedroom instead. Jiho was, apparently, still visiting the city every Tuesday, and that felt like an overwhelming reminder of all the Tuesdays you’d already spent seeing him or avoiding to see him. The bathroom suddenly felt like it was too public to agree to meet up with him again. You felt like you needed to be all by yourself as you texted him back – as if you were doing something that you’d have been embarrassed if caught – but you couldn’t find that privacy in your bedroom, either.

Since crawling inside of yourself, hiding in the deepest pit of your soul, and pressing the dreadful “O” and “K” on your keyboard wasn’t possible, you sat down on your bed, straightened your position, fruitlessly tried to convince yourself that you weren’t doing anything wrong, and then agreed to spend the rest of the weekend dreading the upcoming Tuesday.

Jaebum returned home a few hours later when you were still in your bedroom, sitting in the corner of your bed closest to the wall, your hoodie snug around your body, the hood hiding your hair and providing the perfect acoustics for the music in your earphones. You’d tried to sleep – the sitting position obviously wasn’t the smartest choice but every time you lied down and relaxed your mind, you kept imagining the argument you’d get into with Jaebum after you would tell him about Jiho, so you chose to remain seated – so the music wasn’t very loud and that was why Jaebum didn’t scare you when he entered your bedroom, his bright smile illuminating your room.

You unhooked the straps of your hood from below your chin and took the hood off, followed by the earphones.

“Did it go well?” you asked pointlessly as you clocked the bottle of champagne in his hands. The golden bottle of MOËT complimented his million-dollar smile very nicely. “It better, because that thing in your hand costs more than the most expensive pair of shoes I own.”

Jaebum laughed, sitting on your bed next to you and throwing his shoulders back as he took a deep breath, sorting his thoughts and placing the bottle of champagne on the floor next to your bed.

“Jackson agreed on a meeting with the agency,” he announced. Just as your eyes widened in surprise and your hands already extended to engulf him in a congratulatory hug, he added, “this Tuesday.”

Your heart seemed to drop to your very toes as you paused, your mind nearly going into overdrive as it reached a dreadful conclusion: you were seeing Jiho this Tuesday as well, and that meant you and Jaebum only had three days left before the familiar and comfortable road of your lives would lead you to enter the dangerous, unknown woods ahead. You weren’t sure if those woods were truly there or if they were just a mirage – a figment of your overactive, overly ambitious imagination – but now you were halfway there, and if they weren’t actually real, they surely felt like they were.

Either way,  both of your lives were changing this Tuesday.

“That’s so soon,” you pointed out, only allowing yourself half a moment of shock before throwing your arms around his neck and feeling his chest rumble as he laughed in relief – he’d noticed the apprehension in your eyes – hugging you back. “I’m so happy for you. You’ve worked so hard.”

“So have you,” he whispered into your hair. His voice was elated and you knew immediately that you couldn’t tell him about Jiho and risk staining the pure—beautiful—shade of joy on his face. “Can you believe how far we’ve come?”

You couldn’t. Everything stopped feeling real when you’d left your apartment yesterday. It was as if you got into Jaebum’s car to drive to the gallery and ended up driving right into a different reality instead. It may not have snowed ash here but your current state of mind felt just as inescapable as Silent Hill.

“For what it’s worth coming from me,” you said, “I’m proud of you.”

Jaebum pulled away. “What do you mean? It’s worth everything coming from you. You’re the person I’m most excited and most afraid to play my music to.”

“Well, I was always proud of you,” you said, afraid to sound awkward but plunging ahead anyway because your heart had started to beat too loud for you to hear your thoughts and form coherent sentences. “It just feels like it’d be more meaningful if the people who never expected much from you were the ones saying these words—”

“Fuck those people,” he cut you off with a swift shake of his head. “I’m not doing this to make them proud. I don’t care what they think about me now. I care what my friends think, the ones who have always been there for me. I care what my mom thinks; she was the first one who read my lyrics even though I wasn’t ready for her to read them yet. But I care what you think most of all because, although “Don’t Touch Me” is out there for everyone to listen, you’re the only one who knows what it’s really about.”

Before you and Jaebum had come clean about your feelings to each other – even if it was as vague as possible because you two lived off of all that wasn’t spoken out loud – you had speculated and doubted if his heart beat the same way yours did. You’d completely disregarded every instance when Jaebum excluded you from everyone else in his life, proving that he had feelings for you even when you thought that wasn’t possible, because none of it seemed believable and, instead, everything seemed too good to be true.

The most prominent instance proving that he never hated you as much as he may have lead you to believe at the beginning of your relationship, was his confession about Suji. He’d told you that you were one of the few – one of the two – people who knew this many details about his relationship with her.

“Mark knows,” you said out loud, after a few prolonged moments of silence.

“Mark knows about Suji,” Jaebum clarified, “he literally saw me go through that relationship. Jackson saw me write about it. But you saw me survive it. Not just that, y-you—you survived it with me,” he looked down, tracing the floral pattern of your bedsheet with the tip of his index finger. “So, yeah, Mark does know, I guess. And Jackson figured out plenty, too. Jinyoung and the others – they’ve caught glimpses. They understand what I’m singing about in that song, it’s not hard to figure that out. But you’re the only one who knows the meaning of every word of the song. You know it so well, really, it’s as if you wrote it yourself. And, in fact, the song probably wouldn’t have been much different if you had written it because, by the time Suji resurfaced, it wasn’t just my life she had reappeared in. It—it was our life.”

You swallowed with great difficulty, recalling his previous confession about the precise moment when he’d started to have feelings for you. You knew nothing of these feelings when you saw Suji for the first time in the kitchen right outside of your bedroom. You didn’t know that the gorgeous girl, fitting right in at your apartment as if she was the one living here, would turn out to be the central figure of both of your lives. You didn’t know that, fueled by your mutual hatred for her, you and him would, bit by bit, come to terms with your budding feelings for each other until one day, you’d be sitting on your bed, holding one another in your arms, a bottle of champagne awaiting you as you celebrated another milestone together.

But you knew it all now. Even though you and Jaebum were as far from an actual relationship as two people could be at that time, Suji didn’t just show up to wreak havoc for him because he wasn’t hers to control. He wasn’t alone anymore. He hadn’t been alone since you walked out of your bedroom on your first night here, expecting to see your female roommate return home from her errands, and, by a hilarious coincidence, seeing the missing piece of your soul instead.

“What do you want me to do?” you asked.

Jaebum blinked, caught off guard. “Excuse me?”

“I—it sounds like you’re saying all of that because you want to get something from me,” you explained lamely, your cheeks suddenly hot.

He laughed. “What? No. I’m just say—okay, I do want something from you.”

“What is it? Careful, though. I’d give you anything and, at this point, I’m afraid I can’t tell the right from wrong,” you said, unsure if you were swearing to do so much for him because you were so grateful for all that he had told you or because you felt guilty about the things you hadn’t told him. “So please don’t ask me to kill for you because I will.”

“No. I don’t want much,” he shook his head, chuckling still. There was a heaviness in his chest – the same kind that always gathered there whenever he remembered his earlier life or whenever he allowed himself to imagine how different everything would have been if he hadn’t met you. “I just want you to be with me through whatever the hell we’re about to get ourselves into and then after.”

You took his hand into yours and nodded, tasting blood inside of your mouth as you promised, “I’m with you.”

   chapter directory

#got7 #got7 fanfiction #got7 au #got7 reactions #got7 angst #got7 imagines #got7 scenarios #jaebum #got7 jb #jb #holic #fanfiction #fanfic #got7 fanfic #e2l #enemies to lovers #got7 x reader #jaebum fanfiction #jaebum fanfic #im jaebum fanfic #im jaebum fanfiction #roommate au

[alswonderland]

Its time

↳Peter Parker x f!reader

↳ Pregnant au/ married life au with Peter Parker where Peter and reader prepare for the arrival of a new member.

↳Warning: avengers being cute af, fluffy goodness, married couple stuff, Peter being suggestive (slightly)

↳A/n: dude you have no clue how long I have been wanting to post this for. I kept procrastinating on writing it even thought I loved the idea.

*edited from the original version*

————————————

“Y/n!” Peter screamed at the top of his lungs “can you get the screws as well?” he asked his 9 month pregnant wife.

Peter was in the middle of setting a baby crib that he had ordered online when you were 3 months pregnant, but due to really bad shipping arrangements the crib had only come two days go. 

Which is why both you and your husband(mostly your husband, because he wasn't letting you do anything) were trying to build the crib as fast as you could because you never know when the baby would pop right out of you, since you were now very close to your due date.

“Coming, coming” you waddled your way to Peter. You gave him the desired object and held your very round belly. “Do you see that sweety, do you see what daddy is making for you? this is going to be your new bed!” you looked at Peter and newly made crib.

You had started to pick up the habit of talking to your baby in the middle of your pregnancy due to the fact that you were bored of staying home alone the entire day, you spoke to your baby, telling him stories about how you and Peter met and how excited is everyone to meet the little one.

Peter looked at you in awe as you rubbed your belly and smiled at your bump. He got on his knees and looked your big belly. He rubbed small circles and whispered soft things only for your infant to hear. Father-son bonding time as he liked to call. 

When ever Peter had time, whether it was after long hours of work at the bureau or going on business trips with Tony , your husband would always find a way to talk to your baby.  

Peter got up from his position to cup your face in his soft hands. “I love you” he said as he kissed your temple softly. 

“I love you, too”

—————————————————————

You opened an eye looking at the glowing red light next to your bed, 3 am. You let out a small groan, angry, it was 3 am and you couldn’t sleep no matter how hard you tried because everytime your eyes closed you would see that beautiful chocolate cake you saw at the grocery store the day before when you went for a late night grocery run with Peter. 

“i knew i should've bought it” you thought resting your hand on your belly and felt kicks. “are you thinking about it too?” smiling you looked over to your sleeping husband. Mouth wide open,  a bit of drool threatening to fall on the baby blue pillowcase he was sleeping on. What a cutie. 

You leaned over to him and gave him a kiss on the forehead.

You slowly removed the covers of your body and tried get off the bed without making any sounds to make up the sleeping beauty next to you. 

“ouch, that hurt!” You whined softly, as you rubbed the area you got kicked “whats wrong?” you pouted.

“Food?” you questioned in a amused tone, and got a kick as a response. With that you walked out of your shared bedroom and made your way to the kitchen. 

“What should we eat?” You bent down a little to look at the items inside your refrigerator.

“Broccoli? Nah who we kidding we ain’t healthy, pasta? Hmm maybe in the morning,” both hungry and  frustrated from no sleep you shut the fridge a bit to hard. You winced at the noise of magnets falling on the floor and prayed that Peter hadn’t woken up. 

“We literally don’t have anything to eat!” you kicked the magnets out of the kitchen making a mental note to tell him in the morning to pick it up. You let a annoyed sigh, when you remembered Peter buying some snacks.

“Ah ha!” You exclaimed looking at the pack of chocolate chips in your pantry. “ I knew I had this somewhere” you grined.

You looked at your belly which was covered in one of Peter’s extra large graphics t-shirts, and said “ let’s get baking kiddo.”

“Ahh smells so good!!!” You exclaimed as you mixed the dough with the chocolate chips “if only I can taste it” you said with a slight pout, as you brought the spoon next to your mouth.

“Don’t you even think about it” said Peter making you jump in fright.

“OMG BABE! WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO? SCARE THE BABY OUT OF ME?” You screamed as you placed your hand on your rapidly beating heart.

Peter, no longer leaning on the doorway of your kitchen made his way to you. His arms holding you in a soft embrace, as he muttered soft words to calm your poor heart. He kissed your forehead and apologized profusely.

“Y/n what are you even doing here? At this time? It’s almost 3:30?”

“I... well you see Junior over here got hungry and decided that it would be fun playing soccer in my tummy till he gets my attention which he did. So I came into the kitchen to see what is there to eat, but didn’t find anything that I wanted then I remembered that we have chocolate chips left so”

“So you wanted to bake cookies” said Peter with a beautiful grin.

“Oh you know me so well, Mr. Husband” you cooed as you pecked his lips.

He smiled at the gesture and shook his head at your cute antics.

“Well then, since you’re going to be baking cookies I might as well help you. Now go on sit down, and let me do the rest.”

With that he sent you out of the kitchen and put the cookies in the oven and cleaned the kitchen as you eagerly waited for them to be done.

You walked back into the kitchen to see if your treats were ready to eat instead you were faced with your husbands back who was in the process of cleaning the dishes.

“wait what are you doing here” you poked Peter’s arm. “i woke up when you kissed me” he shrug as he continued to do the dishes. “you know babe i really thought i was gonna get something more than just a kiss on the forehead since....well you know.... you were up during fuckboy hours but i guess not” he pouted and then winked “and since we are up now” he sang wiggling his eyebrows, you hit his arms laughing.

“Peter” you gasp “how can you say that and in front of your son ” you faked a shocked expression as Peter jokingly started to strip out of his pjs. 

‘wow a dinner and a show im so lucky’ you thought as you took a bite of a cookie.

—————————————————————

“ OMG BABE!!!!” Peter’s screams rang through the house.

“What what is? What happened? Who died” you came in as fast as you could while you held onto your belly.

“Honey walk slowly you might get hurt” Peter extended his arm for you to take and gently put you down on you shared bed.

“Nothing like that happened but I just realized that you due date is in a week!!!” He exclaimed. “ IN A WEEK!”

“Can you imagine it? A mini me will be waking around this very spot in a week, Y/n can you imagine!!!” He spoke, his eyes shining with each word.

You smiled “ well he won’t be walking yet but YES IM SO EXCITED! Oh that reminds me, I kind of bought some more baby clothes the other day with Nat. Only because they were so cute!” You gushed. “You should’ve been there Peter that store is magical” he laughed at your child like behavior and went to get the bag of clothes from the closet.

“Did you find it?” You asked, getting ready to get them yourself.

“I got it. I got it” he said as he brought a baby blue bag along with a big brown book.

“also look at what I found” he waved your photo album in the air and sat next to you.

“Awe look it’s little Peter with his little willy,” You pointed at your husband’s baby picture.

 Peter’s faced became red, he cleared his throat and turned the page to avoid any more of your comments,  “well its not so small now is it” he let out of a soft ouch and rubbed his arm because you hit his arm for saying such things near his soon-to-be-born baby

As you looked through the album of memories, you started to feel intense pain in your lower abdomen. 

Little driblets of sweat started to from on your forehead and you breathing started to be come more heavy. 

Peter noticed the change in your behavior and placed a hand on the small of back to calm you down. You smiled at him weakly, and grabbed his thigh when the pain became unbearable. 

“P-peter” you quietly let out, “I-I think it’s time” you said looking in between your legs and saw the small water soaking your pants. 

Your water broke.

Peter’s calm expression morphed into a panicked one as he hurriedly took the hospital bag and walked you to the car. 

—————————————————————

The dull colors of the Hospital was making Peter feel more nervous than he actually felt. The thought of something happening to you or the baby in the process of the delivery kept running circles in his mind due to the stress and anxiety he was feeling at that moment. He knew he should not be worrying both you and the baby were in perfect condition, but he was not able to get those nasty thoughts out of his mind. 

Peter felt someone’s hand be placed on his shoulder he quickly looked up and saw Tony’s warm brown eyes. Tony gave him a reassuring smile and open his arms to initiate a hug. Peter overwhelmed with emotion cried in Tony’s affectionate embrace. 

“I’m going to be father” he sobs “I’m going to be Father”. Tony pulled away and looked at Peter in the eye. He cupped his face and whipped the tears away. 

“I know you are. You’re going to be a great one at that.” Tony smiled at the boy whom he saw grow into the fine young man he is today. 

“IM GOING TO BE A UNCLE YALL!!!!” a loud voice rang through the hall. Peter laughed at the familiar voice. He saw his friend Wade wave at him dressed up as a baby sitting in a baby stroller, he waved at the two men while being pushed by Sam and Bucky. 

“He’s so gonna get killed by them by the end of the day” whispered Tony. 

“definitely” Peter said laughing.  

Peter left his father figure when the nurse came to tell him that the contraction has begun.

—————————————————————

You were sitting on the bed with your baby in your embrace, Peter walked up to you and kissed your chapped lips. He leaned forwards and whispered to you how well you did during this hard process. 

“I should go call them,” he kissed the baby and went out.

Peter walked out of the delivery room with a huge smile that light the entire room “you can come see him now” he said and walked back inside to sit beside you on the bed. 

Everyone made their way to the room, walking slowly trying not to wake your newborn. 

“he is so precious,” cooed Natasha as she softly grazed his skin with her finger. “Can I hold him?” she asked. You nodded and let your best friend hold your baby boy. 

“what’s his name” asked Tony as he walked up to the red headed who was caressing the infant. 

“Harry Benjamin Parker” Peter said smiling, “Y/n chose it, but next time i will be the one choosing the name for our child” Peter said and you nodded. 

 “ Next time?” Thor said laughing. “You already planed on the next time Peter?” Thor teased Peter after seeing his face go red. 

“Hey, Hey blondie, stop teasing my son, and auntie Nat can I please hold my grandchild?” Tony said showing his pearly whites in order to get Harry. 

“Why should you get to hold Harry next!” said Steve. “I am the oldest!” 

“No, I should hold harry next,” quipped Thor “It’s always an honor to be held by a god,” 

“A god? oh please, let me hold My God Son harry, since I am his god father! I am his Sirius Black,” said Wade. 

“Wade we never made you the god father,” Peter quietly let out as he took Harry back from Natasha’s hand in fear that something might happen while everyone is fighting to hold his son. 

One of the nurses walked in to your room worried because of the arguing she heard from outside. She would've never thought that one day  she would see the worlds mightiest heroes fighting to hold a baby, but here she was.

Furious because this is most certainly not how one acts in a hospital she kicked them out of the room, and lectured them about how to behave in a hospital.

—————————

#peter parker dad au #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #peter parker imagines #peter parker #peter parker au #spiderman imagine #tom holland #marvel #tom holland imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagines #avengers imagine #avengers x reader #peter parker married au #tom holland dad au #peter parker smut #peter parker fluff #spiderman fluff #tom holland smut #tom holland fluff

[blanc-to-my-noir]

50 Questions Tag

I was tagged by @ana-who - thank youuu!!

1. What takes up too much of your time? procrastination kdjflka

2. What makes your day better? There’s a lot of things really - I’d say hearing one of my favourite songs, meeting a cat that let’s me pet it, a course at uni ending early, some good food, etc.

3. What’s the best thing that happened to you today? I went to buy medication for my grandma and she let me keep the change :3

4. What fictional place would you like to go? The school from Little Busters and then I’d give all of them a hug (and possibly flirt a whole lot with Kurugaya skdajflak)

5. Are you good at giving advice? Sometimes

6. Do you have any mental illnesses? Yep, a few of those :’)

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? Nope

8. What musician inspired you the most? B.A.P (cause I literally wrote a whole fic based on one of their MVs), Pentagon (cause I’m planning a whole fic originally based on one of their MVs), and BTS (because of the messages behind their lyrics

9. Have you ever fallen in love? yes, it’s been a while though (unless you count biases lol)

10. What’s your dream date? I was about to say going to a cat cafe but then the cats would get more of my attention than my date so kalsjdfka

11. What do others notice about you? Three things. That I tend to be silent when I don’t feel like I can open up to you yet. That I’m very loud once I did. My piercings.

12. What is the annoying habit you have? PROCRASTINATION.

13. Do you still talk to your first love? unfortunately not

14. How many exes do you have? 1/2? (don’t ask asldka)

15. How many songs are on your playlist? better question would be: How many playlists do you have? The answer is 51.

16. What instruments can you play? I learned how to play the recorder, guitar and piano for a while but I’m not really good at any of them (not that I ever was aksjdflka)

17. Who do you have the most pictures of? let me check this could be three people and I am praying it’s not the third one klajsdkfa Pentagon’s Yanan... about 890... I shall raise that to 1000 within this year (and that’s just the pics only he is in, so no group pics)

18. Where would you like to go before you die? Korea, and Japan for a second time!

19. What is your zodiac? Libra

20. Do you relate to it? sometimes

21. What is happiness to you? Cats, chocolate, snow.

22. Are you going through anything right now? I am constantly walking through the pits of hell, even though you can’t see it in my eyes :)))

23. What’s the worst decision you’ve ever made? becoming a kpop stan kalsdjflkdajsk HAHAHAH IM KIDDING

24. What’s your favorite store? it’s called Nakwon and sells asian groceries... yes, that’s how much it got out of hand....

25. What’s your opinion on abortion? Not my favourite option for an unwanted pregnancy, but if it’s the best option for the mother (and child) then of course I think it’s totally okay.

26. Do you keep a bucket list? not atm... I should start that again

27. Do you have a favorite album at the moment? too many Reol’s Jijitsujo

28. What do you want for your birthday? a cat... but since I won’t get that anytime soon I will just say pENTAGON TO DO A WORLD TOUR AND STOP NEAR WHERE I LIVE IS IT SO HARD TO GIVE YOUR ARTISTS PROPER TOURS CUBE?????!!!!???!?!??!

29. What are most peoples first impressions of you? very good question - I have no idea. Probably that I’m unfriendly or hard to approach or smth because my neutral expression is something close to a resting bitchface^^”

30. What age do you seem according to most people? ..5? Nah, probably my actual age, but I feel younger than that a lot of the time (and I’m not old enough for that to be a good thing kajdflka)

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? usually next to my head, cause it helps me wake up in the morning

32. What word do you say the most? I usually have one or two “catchphrases” that change all the time and rn it’s “aigoo”, I shit you not... I may or may not have watched too many vlives of a person who likes that word a lil too much...

33. What’s the oldest age you would date? Well I’m 20 now so... 22 or 23? I’m not that much into big age gaps anymore^^”

34. What’s the youngest age you would date? 19 probably

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you? some say teacher but I defo do not feel like I’d be a good teacher

36. What’s your favorite music genre? I don’t really go by genre, I just listen to whatever sounds good to me

37. If you could live in any country in the world where would it be? tbh I’m quite okay here in Austria, but Japan would be goals af

38. What is your current favorite song? UUMMMMM Reol’s Utena??? Or Lost Paradise??? Or Ten to One????? Or Pentagon’s Cosmo????? Or Shintoburi????? Or Bastarz’ From Seoul???? Or SF9′s Life is so Beautiful???? Or Bang Yongguk’s I Need to Talk??? I really can’t decide kasjdflka

39. How long have you had this blog for? Since October ‘18!

40. What are you excited about? mostly kpop... without that my life would be pretty plain... Defo the concerts I’m going to within the next month (Ateez and SF9)!!

41. Are you a better talker or listener? depends on the topic... if it’s about something I’m passionate about defo talker, if someone has troubles with anything and needs to vent I’m a better listener

42. What is the last productive thing you did? write the Anniversary post for Noir... and study Kanji

43. What do you want for Christmas? SNOW. Also a cat. But we already had that...

44. What class do you get the best grades in? bold of you to assume I’ve been getting good grades ever since I started uni...

45. On a scale from 1-10, how are you feeling right now? 7 - I have good music, but my back hurts a lil and I’m feeling nervous because I have a test tomorrow and a presentation on friday and I’ll be stressed at work on thursday^^”

46. What can you see yourself doing in 10 years? Transaltion work and/or writing novels

47. When did you get your first heartbreak? That was back in elementary school when I lost my best friend... It’s weird how I can still remember just how that felt.

48. At what age do you want to get married? Marriage?? In this economy?

49. What career did you want to have as a child? I wanted to open a restaurant, but then also become an author and I still have that dream^^ 

50. What do you crave now? All kinds of sweets tbh... and my special cheese noodles uGHHHH 

#tag game #anyone who wants to do this feel tagged kasjflkas

[teapical]

50 QUESTIONS TAG 💕

was tagged by @sophrosynes (thank you darling!!😚💗💗💗💗)

1. what takes up too much of your time? tumblr 🚶🏿

2. what makes your day better? seeing pictures of cute things!

3. what’s the best thing that happened to you today? umm hmm well im officially on spring break starting now yay and i got an email tht the lip gloss i ordered is on its way!! idk it wasn’t really a great day...

4. what fictional place would you like to go?  ooo Hyrule! bcuz i love the zelda games and i think its pretty 🤧

5. are you good at giving advice? hmm i don’t think so sjhddf 

6. do you have any mental illness? yes....and no ahndf

7. have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? nope and im soo glad bcuz ever since my friend told me about her sleep paralysis experience ive been so scared of it 🤒

8. what musician inspired you the most? hmm...idk i dont think ive really thought about tht before

9. have you ever fallen in love? nope

10. what’s your dream date? im a really simple person so nothing thts like too much.....i really like going on picnics or going to a cafe idk just somewhere peaceful and fun where u can talk and learn about each other

11. what do others notice about you? my smile and my eyebrows oop

12. what is the annoying habit you have? umm i flick my nails a lot? sjdhnfd

13. do you still talk to your first love? haha

14. how many ex’s do you have? lol

15. how many songs are on your playlist? i dont really have playlists like everything is just all over the place on my spotify sjhbfd 

16. what instruments can you play? none shbjd i was learning guitar but i stopped

17. who do you have the most pictures of? either minseok or junmyeon asjhd

18. where would you like to go before you die? ahh theres so many places i’d love to visit but id really love to go to thailand :((

19. what is your zodiac? capricorn 

20. do you relate to it? not really sjhnf like i dont really believe in astrology and its fun and all but the capricorn stuff never fit me 😣

21. what is happiness to you? happiness is feeling loved and safe, having a peaceful state of mind, seeing your loved ones do well, its like feeling as if your skin is glowing and its all shiny ooo

22. are you going through anything right now? always 

23. what’s the worst decision you’ve ever made? theres tons

24. what’s your favorite store? i wouldn’t call them my fave but i shop at h&m and yesstyle a lot 

25. what’s your opinion on abortion? pro choice

26. do you keep a bucket list? nope!

27. do you have a favorite album at the moment? hmm nooo i dont think sooo

28. what do you want for your birthday? some rest

29. what are most people’s first impression of you? friendly and calm

30. what age do you seem according to most people? i have no idea tbh like no one has ever told me what age i look like to them but i know ppl think i look younger than my age sjhnd

31. where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? right next to my pillow

32. what word do you say the most? either bah or uhh sjhfdf

33. what’s the oldest age you would date? hmm idk not too old dfjhngf

34. what’s the youngest age you would date? hmm i dont think id date someone younger than me tbh

35. what job/career do most people say would suit you? idk no one says anything like this to me jhndf 🚶🏿

36. what’s your favorite music genre? i dont have a fave bcuz i just listen to anything and if i think it sounds good then i like it sjhd but i dont really like heavy metal or country

37. if you could live in any country in the world where would it be? ooo maybe indonesia :o

38. what is your current favorite song? Smile by Nohidea and Ben Beal

39. how long have you had this blog for? umm since 2014 i think? its been through a lot of changes dsjhf

40. what are you excited for? the end of the school year

41. are you a better talker or listener? i think a better listener?? i love listening to ppl lol i only talk a lot with someone if we’re close and i feel comfortable with them

42. what is the last productive thing you did? went to my last class for the day yay

43. what do you want for christmas? i just want to be with my pets :((

44. what class do you get the best grades in? umm idk rn im doing good in everything but i usually do good in most of my classes

45. on a scale from 1-10, how are you feeling right now? 3

46. what can you see yourself doing in 10 years? wearing cute clothes, going to cute places, being with the loml 😔

47. when did you get your first heartbreak? umm i dont remember oop

48. at what age do you want to get married? idk tbh

49. what career did you want to have as a child? so many things umm a dancer, a veterinarian, a chef, 

50. what do you crave now? peace, love, a sign, food lol 

im gonna tag @baekbuns @yeolslove @chamgmin @floralminho @minhochoi @baekhny @markclub

#i finally did this yay sjhd #u dont have to do this if u dont want to!! #i hope u all are doing well hehe #tag game

[golddplatedd]

50 Questions

tagged by @tonyrights

1. What takes up too much of your time? watching movies and scrolling through tumblr lmao

2. What makes your day better? talking to my gf! talking to my sister! thinking about oswald! lots of things!

3. What’s the best thing to happen to you today? its 12:29 am so im gonna say the best part of yesterday was getting to see so much of my family and giving my mom some pretty silver hoops that i bought for her at disneyland i love my mom

4. What fictional place would you like to go to? hhhh asgard maybe? i wanna meet heimdall

5. Are you good at giving advice? generally no but i am a god listener!!

6. Do you have any mental illness? yeah i have certified™ major depressive disorder and anxiety! probably some other stuff too but i prefer not to think about it ;V

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis? nah but i kinda want to

8. What musician inspired you the most? .......fall out boy.........they have gotten me through so much its astounding

9. Have you ever fallen in love? literally every time i see a cat on the street. oh you mean with a person? maybe but id prefer not to talk about it 

10. What’s your dream date? uhhh going somewhere cute like an aquarium or a museum and then going for a walk and getting ice cream! im a simple girl.

11. What do others notice about you?

usually how short i am which is rude tbh im 5′1″ thats NOT that short

12. What is an annoying habit you have? almost everything i do is annoying!!  kidding (sorta) but i think the most . annoying thing i do is like everything obsessively and then talk about it nonstop. like i cant just. mildly enjoy something. its all or nothing babey

13. Do you still talk to your first love? no not really! that train has sailed . or however the saying goes. we are like on good ish terms though i suppose

14. How many exes do you have? 2. and a half

15. How many songs are in your playlist? i . have like 50 spottify playlists but my main one (jams from my Barbie™ Jeep™) currently has 1140 songs

16. What instruments can you play? i played flute but i dont anymore, i currently play oboe and saxophone and im trying to teach myself ukelele and thinking about trying english horn but its so expensive!!!

17. What do you have the most pictures of? i have a lot of memes, pictures of loki and oswald, and pictures of new york lmao

18. Where would you like to go before you die? the Pyramid of the Sun in Teotihuacán!!!

19. What is your zodiac? leo sun, gemini moon, aquarius rising

20. Do you relate to it? not the leo sun so much but the rest of it, yeah!!

21. What is happiness to you? coffee.

22. Are you going through anything right now? im goin thru IT man im just trying to survive till june but life is testing me

23. What’s the worst decision you ever made? everything i did in high school!

24. What’s your favorite store? goodwill or rhino records!!

25. What’s your opinion on abortion? i am pro-choice wtf kinda question is this

26. Do you keep a bucket list? yes, here is a list of my favorite buckets:

im joking i dont have one lmao

27. Do you have a favorite album? I HAVE TOO MANY here are a few:

infinity on high -  fall out boy // disintegration - the cure // three cheers for sweet revenge - mcr // saturation trilogy -  brockhampton // unknown pleasures - joy division

28. What do you want for your birthday? i like books and money

29. What are most people’s first impression of you? i have literally no idea i think people usually think im weird. im a weirdo. i dont fit in

30. What age do you seem according to most people?

like 16 people still think im in high school ;(

31. Where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping? charging next to my bed

32. What word do you say the most? worm or yeehaw (its awful)

33. What’s the oldest age you would date? like 25 tbh

34. What’s the youngest age you would date? 19 (i am 19)

35. What job/career do most people say would suit you? surprisingly, psychiatry (which im interested in)

36. What’s your favorite music genre? it varies from moment to moment (generally indie or emo or new wave lmao)

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be? maybe canada or france

38. What is your current favorite song? baby boy - kevin abstract

39. How long have you had this blog for? like 5 years lmao  yikes

40. What are you excited for? GOING TO PARIS AND THEN SCOTLAND TO STUDY ABROAD THIS SUMMER!!!

41. Are you a better talker or listener? definitely listener.im . an emotional bottom

42. What is the last productive thing you did? hhhh i looked over lecture slides for tomorrow

43. What do you want for christmas? world peace. halloween 2. a sense of purpose. a new brockhampton album.  simple things really

44. What class do you get the best grades in? oof . generally my cognitive science classes or like writing classes surprisingly.

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now? like 7  im tired

46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years?

living in new york city baby!!

47. When did you get your first heartbreak? sophomore year of hs babey!!

48. What age do you want to get married? like 27-30 ish? idc

49. What career did you want to have as a child? i wanted to be a teacher and now i cant stand the thought jskjs

50. What do you crave right now? woter

i tag: @gebbylee @moonnddust @panoscosmatoes @jobaisnotreal @lokisfatpussy @vamploki  @pixelpastry @twentycuntpilots @ink-like-starlight and whoever else wants to do it lmao

#alysa.txt #oof its sleep time #i love . oversharing!!! #tag meme

[rmwithluv]

50 questions! my lovely wifey ( @moonojoon keeps me active i swe- kajsjsjsjsjdkx ilysm! )

1. what takes up too much of your time?

haaa college honestly.

2. what makes your day better?

puppets, frands, food, youtube

3. what’s the best thing to happen to you today?

i woke tf up lol

4. what fictional place would you like to go to?

hogwarts duh! im a wizard bitch

5. are you good at giving advice?

i’ve been told i am but honestly some times ya girl has no idea whattt tf she’s saying

6. do you have any mental illness?

i’ve struggles with mental illnesses and i think at times they can come back and bite ya so atm life is grand my friend.

7. have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

BITCH YES! twice in the same day actually lmao, small story time, the first two times were at school lmao i was sleeping in the hallway and although i was scared all i could think was, “holy shit if my friends see me like this they’re gonna think i’m weird asf” and then a couple hours later after an exam i was resting and it happened. the final time (dear god pls don’t let it happen again) i legit saw shadow people and felt freaked tf out. okay bye

8. what musician inspired you the most?

honestlyyyyy there’s so many but rn i can honestly say normani

9. have you ever fallen in love?

hahahahaha yes. the first one hurt like hell and i’m currently falling over and over again :)

10. what’s your dream date?

a picnic with beautiful cheeses, breads, sandwiches, snacks, ohhhh yaaaasss

11. what do others notice about you?

usually it’s my figure or my ass lol

12. what is an annoying habit you have?

procrastinating, overthinking, and eating ice

13. do you still talk to your first love?

yesss, he’s my best friend

14. how many exe’s do you have?

i always get confused with this bc i’ve had flings, lovers, and many more soooo yeh

15. how many songs are in your playlist?

i have over 18 playlists sooooo?

16. what instruments can you play?

noneeeee

17. what do you have the most pictures of?

myself bc im that bitch (i swear i’m not this confident lmao) memes, my friends, family, a certain wang, and ofc bts

18. where would you like to go before you die?

europeee!

19. what is your zodiac sign?

pisces (no wonder my wife and i get along so well)

20. do you relate to it?

h e l l y e a h

21. what is happiness to you?

being able to say i’ve had a rough week but i’m able to sit here and continue on honestly. life sucks ass sometimes but knowing i’m stronger than the obstacles ahead of me is happiness.

22. are you going through anything right now?

n o p e!

23. what’s the worst business decision you ever made?

not dropping my psychology class first semester & honestly me with money is just eh but i’m getting better!

24. what’s your favorite store?

bookstores, cafe’s, target, and ofc 3rd street promenade

25. what’s your opinion on abortion?

im pro-life buttt at the same time having a child isn’t easy and you never know what someone’s going through so ultimately i’m pro-life but it’s your body! do what’s best for you.

26. do you keep a bucket list?

yes actually! my lover made me make one bc he wants to take me to all the places i’ve never been :)

27. do you have a favorite album?

sweetener, anything one direction (basic i know, ed sheeran’s +, and many many more.

28. what do you want for your birthday?

if i could see my all of my lovely friends on here, trust me i’d take that in a second!

29. what are most peoples first impression of you?

scary, pretty bitch, bitchy and intimidating.

30. what age do you seem according to most?

honestly it depends on what i look like, some days ppl think i’m like 14? and others they think i’m my age.

31. where do you keep your phone while you’re sleeping?

right next to me.

32. what word do you say the most?

love that for me/you/them (wait is dat a phrase?) whet, uwu, nuuu, i luh u

33. what’s the oldest age you would date?

21!

34. what’s the youngest you’d date?

18!

35. what job/career do most people say would fit you?

model (psh i’m short asf) or actress

36. what’s your favorite music genre?

music in general

37. if you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

i enjoy where i’m at but i’d love to live in any part of europe for a year or two

38. what is your current favorite song?

ivy by frank ocean comes to mind rn

39. how long have you had this blog?

this one for a couple months now i assume? but i’ve had previous blogs. overall i’ve been on tumblr for around 6 years now

40. what are you excited for?

transferring into the university of my dreams and getting into their nursing program!

41. are you a better talker or listener?

def listener

42. what is the last productive thing you did?

cleaning my room

43. what do you want for christmas?

hmmm 🤔 im not sure yet but if i don’t have this soon then definitely james charles brush set

44. what class do you get the best grades in?

usually english/literature

45. one a scale to 1-10 how are you feeling right now?

8

46. what can you see yourself doing in 10 years? a pediatric nurse

47. when did you get your first heartbreak?

when i was like 13? when i realized that my life size poster of liam payne would love me more than than the real one ever would.

48. what age do you wanna get married?

24/25/26

49. what career did you wanna have as a child?

i wanted to be a wonder pet lmao

50. what do you crave rn?

a croissant sandwich from burger king yo

im tagging: @namjoonieftw @fflowermin, @jeonpetals

[readfelice-blog]

moominland chronicles dreizehn :: copycat

Its Friday, im on an u bahn, but it's sunday for you and who knows where you are..

There's a lot of babies on this u bahn, im counting about 6 right now, baby bahn: maybe there's some baby convention in wedding.

Quick round up: i'm still a girl from hackney (via suffolk) who says no, I've been grappling with my camel toe this week, singing sad songs, playing like a child on a xylophone (except insert midi on ableton here), not listening to much other than myself, it's a big gushing flow of creativity that surrounds me in this little yellow house, i dont think ive really given pause to being lonely.

It's all happening.

So lets back track a bit because right now i am compelled to readdress this copying thing, one of my favourite tweeters this week called out kanye west for lifting a design he created some years back, its right to name and shame, so good on him. He was small fry when he made the thing that someone else stole, still bigger than teeny weeny me, but not the tweeting guru /design wizard to music's brightest stars, that he is now.

It’s the most wholesome wonderful, transcendent thing, making stuff, for yourself and for the world, tapping into certain disciplines to funnel thoughts, feelings and the energy that surrounds you. I wouldn’t have myself any other way, I’m assuming aforementioned tweeter is probably the same. But there is this underlying paranoia and anxiety involved in the process, for me anyway, as previously stated: this irrational fear that you’ll be consumed by someone hungrier and at a higher advantage. I hate the deep ocean now, post mermaid project, but this whole conundrum draws me back to that place, to marine snow, a concoction of dead animals / shit / ‘organic matter’ that continuously falls and sustains the ungodly freaks that live below it. That’s the natural world, that’s life.

You see I have really good ideas, there's no shame in knowing this, I can tell when theyre good because I start to tingle in my mind and then the tingling soniferously journeys across my body, its a drug of its own kind. But that high is short lived, its only when you make it a reality that the truly ecstatic pulses start to shoot through you, and to get that done frequently means a drawn out and meticulous process of invention.

I can see the influence i bestow on others, it used to be exciting and life affirming, but then things started taking longer to compose and thats when it became more of a burden, I’m not yet at a point where im synonymous with my work, there's still room for someone to rock into my life, unwittingly lift all my influences, cobble together a creative endeavour that feeds off of mine and then get recognised for it. Thereby i become the one shadowing them and then I fade into the ether, because no one wants the leftovers.

But it has dawned on me that this bleak and resolute ending to my artistic life might not have to be the catastrophe it so viciously insinuates itself to be. Maybe I can premier a facet of an idea earlier, maybe it will mean others might follow, though I bloody hope they won’t, but maybe it won’t mean that when in November Bocem Acht Ocho is ready for the world, it will not be swept aside by waves of mimickers, maybe I’m being a bit to paranoid and just need to calm down. I can’t just give birth to and store up all these big plans in this little house and not let them free. This little yellow house will become a zoo, I’m not a trained zookeeper, it’s just not sensible.

When one idea is set free another grows.. I have had more than one good idea since birth, some of them have not been properly attended to, that film i made in the basement is currently languishing on a hard drive stowed away in the moons cupboard in london  /  there's the gorgeously detailed illustrations of wild shows that have never seen the light of day / i have a bric a brac shop of concepts just stewing away in my brain cupboard. It took darren aronofsky nearly 10 years to get black swan made, the sagrada familia is still being built 136 years after it was started, Brahms first symphony took over 20 years to create, there's still time.

Because its not just the idea, its my mind that is the precious entity in this scenario, which these days in Berlin is totally free and unrestrained by societal norms. I’m allowed to be a weirdo now, because nearly everyone else is as well.

And you know what, I am almost certainly derivative myself, because we live in a time where the anals of what has come before us are vast and spread thickly like butter on warm bread: across the channels of information we spend a large portion of our days on. I’m copying other people, inadvertently, I call it signs rather than the c word, but I’ve stood with myself in my little yellow bathroom this week gazing at my reflection and leafed through aspects of my current state that might be borrowed, polished and given light in a different way > there are several. Though i work intuitively our unconscious is a vast web of entertained moments we draw from, even to the point where i dont realise I've previously ingested something because I wasnt paying it full attention at the time, but it got stored anyway.

So this project has a dual aspect, because the way im delivering it is going to correlate with a technique I’m also using to upend how im being treated as a cleaner. This incorporates actively marrying all the strands in my life together: to find a better path in terms of reimbursement and security. As technically I’m still an impoverished cleaner, i need money; so I’m doing the cleaning rerouting before I release my publication and album.

I just have to do it, let it free , and recline and say to myself, fuck it, the power at the heart of what I’m making lies in its authenticity, in the quality of the delivery and content of the delivered objects. If someone else copies me and both of us manage to lift ourselves out of the cycle of servitude, maybe that's not such a bad thing.

It's the circle of life, it's something I’ll probably be jousting with for the rest of my days, so better get used to it I guess.

Big Fish

Little Fish

Cardboard Box

Righty, off to clean a house full of paintings now, then laugh at myself on ableton, best to keep it light and bright. Don't take things to seriously.

Righty part zwei, I’m editing this on Sunday, I’m flying to Paris tomorrow morning, but laughing at myself on ableton still beckons.

Big Fish

Little Fish

Cardboard Box

#self growth #copying #little fish