#... there is a 75% chance i am going to panic delete this later but oh well here it is

[findingaliceinadarkplace]

Because I am a very bored insomniac/

1 - Who was the last person you texted? My big sister.

2 - When is your birthday? In the summer (not giving a date to remain anonymous). 

3 - Who do you want to be with right now? Would be nice to be with all of my siblings (both biological and unoficially adopted), my partner, my bestie and her partner. 

4 - What sports do you play? I really don’t to be honest, I do like to swim though. 

5 - Who is the first person in your contacts? My besties partner (its alphabetical and hes an A). 

6 - What is your favorite song as of the moment? Currently really into Galway girl or Castle on the Hill by Ed Sheeran 

7 - If you were stranded on an island, who do you wish to be with? My partner, bestie or big sister, I think any of them could be grounded and level headed enough to get us off the island. 

8 - What do you feel right now? Rising panic about deadlines, super tired, looking forward to visiting the zoo on monday. 

9 - What chocolate is your favorite? Cadburys. 

10 - How many boyfriends/girlfriends did you have? A few, but only one serious.

11 - Why did you create a Tumblr account? A friend was on it and I wanted to see what all of the hype was about, that was about 6 years ago now and I am still at it.

12 - Who is your favorite blogger? Really awful but I dont know anyone as such, I like all of the blogs that I follow but I dont pay much attention to usernames. 

13 - Where do you want to be right now? Near the sea. 

14 - What do you want to be in the future? I want to be a counsellor, 

15 - When was the last time you cried? Why? Earlier today, I had a low blood suagr and was attempting and failing to open a tin of tuna, I was crying at my failure (things which arent really tings become things when you are low). 

16 - Are you happy? Not overly, I have moments of happy, but I arent at my best right now.

17 - Who do you miss? All of my siblings, bioligcal and adopted. 

18 - If you were given a chance, would you like to have a different life? Yes and no, I have a dark past which I am still trying to get over, and given the chance i would love to make myself more confident, more able to love life and not be such a pain in the ass, but my life and all of its shit has brought me to the people i know and love today and i cant escape that fact, and i love the people who i do love all the more vigorously because I had such a shitty start, so in some ways it has been a blessing as well as a curse. 

19 - What was the best thing you were given? My big sisters trust. 

20 - Who was the last person who called you? My besties partner. 

21 - What is your favorite dish? Fajitas. 

22 - Who is your bestfriend? I wont name her, but she is a beauty and she is wonderful and i love her to bits. 

23 - What is your biggest regret? Not speaking up about my abuse sooner than I did, and leaving my younger siblings/. 

24 - Have you ever cheated on your partner? Never. 

25 - Who do you spend crazy moments with? Partner, bestie, big sister. 

26 - Name someone pretty. My bestie. 

27 - Who was the last person you hugged? My partner. 

28 - What kind of music do you listen to? Absolutley anything, I like most things. 

29 - Are you over your past? Not even fucking close, I wish i was though/ 

30 - Who is the last person in your contacts? A dickhead who I was forced into group work with, I really need to delete his number because I’d be happy never to see the bastard again in my life. 

31 - What kind of person do you want to date? Already dating and I am happy with him, he pisses me off and gets on my nerves, but also wont take too much of my shit and can keep me in check when its needed, hes a good balance.

32 - Do you have troubles sleeping at night? Yes, I am up here writing answers to this thing because I am having trouble sleeping. 

33 - From whom was the last text message you received? My big sister.

34 - What do you prefer, jeans or skirt? Jeans.

35 - How’s your heart? Hurting, broken at times and clogged up with junk food, but also kind when it wants to be. 

36 - Did you ever have a girlfriend/boyfriend whose name starts with a “J”? I did a very long time ago, his name was Josh. 

37 - Do you like someone as of the moment? Yeah, I kind of like my partner. 

38 - What would you want to say to your latest ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend? Fucking hit us up once in a while, we all miss having you around (seriously, I am on good terms with him). 

39 - Do you have any phobias? dark, spiders, heights, snakes, men, car horns, small spaces, being trapped, the list is pretty extensive. 

40 - Did you try to change for a person? Yes, for my parents, and everytime they werent bothered and I felt like shit so i have stopped trying now. 

41 - What’s the nicest thing have you given to someone? I wrote my bestie a full notebook full of quptes which are inspiring and hopefully make her feel stronger and then gave it to her a couple of christmasses ago, it made her cry. 

42 - Would you go back to your previous relationship? Nope, I am happy with my current one/ 

43 - Are you in a good or bad mood? Neither, I am feeling pretty neurtal.

44 - Name someone you can’t live without. Partner, bestie, siblings (bio and adopted). 

45 - Describe your dream date. A carpet picnic with all my favourite foods and fizzy pop, followed by the making of a den and watching disney films while being chilled, lots of laughing. 

46 - Describe your dream wedding. Unusual, i want things which are slightly more non-traditiona. I want a tea length dress, but i also want a pair of white converse because i hate heels or anyything too girly. There have to be lights everywhere, I want to feel as though there are stars surrounding me even when i am inside. for the first dance i want it to finish with a kind of flashmob. if anybody is bored at all i will be unhappy, i want lots of laughter and people being together. The colour scheme is pink and blue, to match my engagement ring and our favourite colours.

47 - How many roses did you receive last Valentine’s? None, we dont celebrate it. 

48 - Have you ever been kissed? Lots. 

49 - How long is your longest relationship? 5 years and counting.  

50 - Do you regret your past? Some of it, not all.

51 - Can you do something stupid for someone else? I have done on multiple occasions, but if it helps them it isnt stupid. 

52 - Have you ever cried over someone? lots of times. 

53 - Do you have a grudge against anyone? A few people, i’d like to say i dont but i would be lying. 

54 - Are you a crybaby? At certain things, at other thing i am the most hard faced bitch in the world. 

55 - Do people praise you for your looks? My partner and bestie do at times, i think they lie though. 

56 - Did you fall for someone you shouldn’t? Once when i was younger, onlly because he was gay though and apparently i was the only person in the world who couldnt see it/. 

57 - Have you ever done something bad but you don’t regret? Yeah, I said a few choice words to someone who was a horrible, nasty piece of work. I shpouldnt have done it, but i dont regret it to this day. 

58 - Do you like getting hurt? No, but from the amount i do you’d think I do. 

59 - Does anyone hate you? Probably, i tried to take my abuser to court so at the very least I imagine he and his family hate me. 

60 - Did you slap anyone whose name starts with an “R”? Never slapped anyone. 

61 - What hair color do you prefer? I love bright colours, give me a pink or a blue anyday, I did it once before but i arent brave enough to do it again and it is a pain in the ass if you want to change colour again. 

62 - If you can change anything about yourself, what is it? My reaction to trauma/ 

63 - Do you love someone as of the moment? yes.

64 - Have you ever thought of killing yourself? yes.

65 - Do you have issues with somebody in your school? I’m at uni, and i did up until about a month ago but theyre no longer in my life so its fine now. 

66 - Can you live without internet? Yes but it would be a struggle I imagine.

67 - What’s the song that remind you of your special someone? We found love, Rhianna/ 

68 - Are you good at holding back your tears? Sometimes and around some people. not so much around certain others. 

69 - Are you a crybaby? Sometimes. 

70 - Have you ever experienced being hysterical? Most of my life/. 

71 - Are you a KPOP fan? Not overly.

72 - Do you study hard? When panic overtakes me.

73 - Have you ever sacrificed something important to you for someone you love? yes, my mental health and almost sanity to protect my siblings. 

74 - Did you ever had a kiss under the moonlight? yes.

75 - Have you ever ridden a boat? yes. 

76 - Did you have an accident last year? Yes, every flaming day of the year probably, i am accident prone, 

77 - What kind of person are you? Id like to think i am caring and compassionate, I am very quick witted, sarcastic and stubborn as a mule. Easily anxious, but I will do anything if i love someone enough, it takes me a long time to trust though and i am wary of poeple which might make me seem standoffish at times. 

78 - Have you ever thought of killing someone? i had a really bad intrusive thought once about stabbing my abusive stepmother, but i am in control of myself so i put down the knife (it was a butter knife and wouldnt have done any harm anyway) and went into a other room and went back to finish my food later. I dont think i could deal with bbeing a murderer. 

79 - Have you ever been jealous? Not really. 

80 - How can you prove your love to someone? Be there for them always, let ythem know you wont leave them and supportthem even when they are being difficult and when thir demons dont play well with yur own/ 

81 - What are you thinking right now? How much id love to sleep.

82 - Who is the 6th person in your contacts? Another member from that infernal group whose number I also need to delete to have them truly removed from my life. 

83 - Do you have any memories you want to erase? oh yeah, the vast majority of my childhood. 

84 - Have you been hurt so bad that you can’t find words to explain how you feel? yes, so many times. 

85 - Did you ever badmouth someone? of course, but only to my bestie and that doesnt count, shes a sounding board as i am to her. 

86 - Have you ever had an argument with someone? of course, I have lived over 20 years  you’re bound to argue with someone in that time. 

87 - Do you have trust issues? Massive ones. 

88 - Are you broken-hearted? Somedays/ 

89 - Who’s the person who first comes to your mind when someone mentions “love”? My partner. 

90 - Do you think all the pain is worth it? Jury’s out. I have been told it is but I arent sure, and I arent sure I am really qualified to make that opinion yet. 

91 - Do you believe in the phrase “If it’s meant to be, it will be”? Nom i wasnt abused as a child because it 3wwas meant to be, my life isnt a fucking superhero movie, i was abused because a sick fuck abused me, there is no higher power or bigger picture to it, it was just shit. 

92 - Who do you want to marry?My partner. 

93 - Do you believe in destiny? Not really.

94 - Have you ever thought “I already found my soulmate”? I dont do soulmate, but I have already found the person i want to spend the rest of my life with/ 

95 - How do you look right now? Like utter shite. 

96 - Do you believe that first true love never dies? yes

97 - Have you found your true love? i hope so

98 - What should you be doing right now? sleeping or studying

99 - Name one of your ex-boyfriends/ex-girlfriends.nope/ 

100 - Did you ever feel like you’re not good enough? all the fucking time.