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cooki3face · 7 months

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wounded feminine energy vs wounded masculine energy:

Wounded feminine will struggle primarily with feelings of unworthiness that will present itself in a lot of different ways but wounded feminine energy may include things like:

issues with control and manipulation : stepping outside of her feminine energy and her home energy of recieving and trying to push and pull things into fruition or to go in the direction she sees fit and often for personal gain. This may present in her relationships with others, manipulating her friends, manipulating her partners, manipulating strangers. May be dishonest, deceitful, or deceptive.

low self worth & self esteem: she’s unable to make good decisions on who she chooses to be around and what she allows, may fall into a habit of people pleasing, may struggle with internalized misogyny, may be boy crazy or blow her entire life up for male validation or male presence, may constantly speak negatively upon herself and upon others. May victimize herself often or be prone to feeling “sorry” for herself, may also be heavily emotionally unstable or consumed by her emotions to the point where she’s constantly at high points of emotional distress. She has no boundaries, she’s desperate for love, she’s obsessive in a way where it comes from a place of lack or a void.

Vindictive,bitter, and jealous: falls right in hand with low self worth and self esteem, projecting all her fears and jealousy onto others especially other women. Always out to get someone, always picking on someone, always attempting to humiliate or tear someone apart.

over-giving: falls right into people pleasing but a feminine who may be over giving may not know how to or be unable to protect her energy, her power, her divinity and her “soft feminine”, she may become over-giving, over nurturing, overly empathetic to the point where she pours too much of herself (from a raw and authentic pool of her energy) into others. this comes hand in hand with my post about a feminine needing a divine counterpart who is conducive to her energy and is safe and giving so that when she’s in her most vulnerable state her energy won’t go to waste.

Shame and guilt: ashamed of her body, ashamed of her sensuality, ashamed of her femininity, ashamed of what it takes to protect herself from others, guilty for putting herself first, guilty for being in her power, guilty for recieving what she rightfully deserves, etc. etc. falls hand in hand with what I spoke about briefly about how purity culture and certain aspects of culture and life may supress one’s feminine nature and identity and ability to connect with self.

Intuitive and expressive: she’s in touch with her intuition, she’s strong and in tune, truth is clear and she lives in her truth. She lives an honest life, is honest with herself and with honors, shows up as an authentic version of herself in spirit. She’s creative, she inspires others instead of picking them apart or leading them astray.

Consumed by emotions: she’s angry, she’s aggressive, she’s emotionally consumed or disturbed, she’s violent, always fighting people, doesn’t have effective problem solving or communication skills outside of violence or conflict. Is always involved in conflict, is always involved in drama, befriends people with the intention of constantly being in the center of an issue or being aware of an issue, nosy and cunning. If she’s jealous and bitter she expresses it heavily.

***

Wounded masculine will struggle primarily with how he sees himself, honoring his heart space, and what it means to be masculine or a man. This is not a new issue, it’s as old as time, wounded masculine may exude behaviors like:

overly competitive and combative: masculine may have a tendency to try to out compete others, regardless of sex or gender. He competes with women, he competes with men. He used envy and insecurity to fuel these urges to compete with others. He wants to be the biggest all the time, he wants to be the most successful, the most important, the most looked at, etc. etc. there’s nothing wrong with these desires when they come from a place of self love and growth, there is an issue when they come from the ego and his desire is to push others out of their rightful place or consume the energy of others to make himself larger. Or he needs to be right and he’s argumentative. He may be prone to having narcissistic traits or a narcissistic personality type, he may have an inflated ego or sense of importance. Constant inner and outer conflict, he’s displeased with himself, he’s displeased with what there’s, he’s always fighting, always arguing, always involved in some sort of altercation.

Abusive and angry: he has a tendency to communicate with physical violence or is unable to solve problems effectively. He has a desire to hurt others to make himself feel stronger or more powerful or feel validated and respected. Constant inner and outer conflict, he’s displeased with himself, he’s displeased with what there’s, he’s always fighting, always arguing, always involved in some sort of altercation.

controlling and/or possessive: controlling in plenty of areas, in his relationships, in career, in life. Reflects a masculine whose not confident in his ability to be loved and admired, not confident in his ability to make a difference or take action that will push things forward or into fruition in a genuine and meaningful manner. A possessive masculine is a masculine who has a strong desire to consume things rather than enjoy them and allow them to flourish. Especially in his relationships, he may attempt to “squash” his partner, keep them from stepping into their power, keep them from doing well, he may have a tendency to view his partners and counterparts as objects to be had or to be owned rather than to be appreciated or as an energy that is complimentary and adds to his value or divinity. This goes hand and hand with what I spoke about briefly about men in relationships with successful women who try to trap them with pregnancy at the height of their careers or try to minimize their success. He’s overly critical of others and overly critical of himself on an internal level. May be prone to picking up misogynistic tendencies and views, he picks on women, he degrades them, he feels the need to tell them what to do and what’s acceptable.

Manipulative: again. A masculine who doesn’t think he’s truly capable of making an impact, a masculine who doesn’t believe he’s capable of truly being loved or doesn’t believe he has enough value to be stayed with in his relationships. A masculine who may have a tendency to see others as below him or as pawns.

over-preforming or overcompensating: am i man enough? Am I doing enough? Will they look at me or admire me enough? He tries too hard to be “masculine”, is afraid to stray away from masculine stereotypes, bullies and takes out aggression towards men who don’t fit the mold that he’s been conditioned to believe is what masculinity or being a real man looks like. Leads him to being controlling, resentful, aggressive and violent in a lot of cases. Resents others who live in their truth and live authentically despite judgment and rejection, tries to squash or push down others who go against what he’s been conditioned to believe is right or wrong, ends up pushing people away or ruining a lot of his relationships and his connections because he’s unable to find the courage to be who he is from an authentic stand point and he’s angry because he always feels like he has to preform and conform. And bro is definitely the lgbtq police and the “that’s gay asf” guy in the back who nobody asked an opinion from. He’s overly critical of others and overly critical of himself on an internal level. May be prone to picking up misogynistic tendencies and views, he picks on women, he degrades them, he feels the need to tell them what to do and what’s acceptable.

Unable to feel emotions/disconnected from self: unable to communicate and communicate effectively, he doesn’t understand himself and therefore can’t understand others, has a tendency to resort to anger or shutting down or running from things when he’s feeling triggered or being coaxed out of his shelf or is required to open up and be vulnerable. He’s guarded and closed off, he’s defensive, he struggles with an avoidant attatchment style, he’s afraid of being seen, he’s afraid of true intimacy, he’s afraid of being perceived in general and perceived as being soft or emotional. He doesn’t want to talk about his feelings because he’s conditioned not to and it’s difficult. He’s stagnant, he’s unable to grow, he’s unable to learn hard emotional lessons. Repressed his feminine energy or actively represses it and this goes hand and hand with overcompensating and over preforming.

Unstable: unstable, unsupportive, unsafe physically and emotionally. He can’t create a safe space for you, for others, or himself emotionally or physically and he will not.

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my-mt-heart · 4 months

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Why Explicit Caryl Canon Matters

Daryl and Carol (Caryl) fans make up a large portion of the spinoff's audience, and this audience wholeheartedly believes that Daryl and Carol are each other's only choice. It's in the writing. It's also reinforced by cast, crew, and EPs. For example, Norman has repeatedly said “If Daryl falls in love, it's forever."

There's a misconception that Carylers are a bunch of hysterical saps – fans who only want their ship "fucking under the stars" and only care about Daryl because of Carol, but that’s not true. In reality, Caryl fans are the deepest, most intuitive thinkers in the TWD community. To them, story matters. While they recognize and adore all of the subtext, they understand that it's supposed to lead to something worth the 13-year wait. They're expecting that major sense of relief and joy from watching explicit, undeniable, canon.

Explicit canon respects Carol's and Daryl's character development – individually and together. They started out way behind everybody else in life, convinced they weren't worthy of love. Daryl thought he was better off alone and Carol thought she was just a burden, but then they showed each other their true potential. Carol told Daryl he was a "man of honor" and Daryl taught Carol to have hope for a better future. They've struggled and suffered and strived to be good enough for each other. So, where's the payoff?

I understand not all fans want the same things, and maybe there's pressure to “keep everyone happy." Maybe it feels like a lose-lose situation. But from a marketing perspective, Caryl fans are a very reliable source of revenue for the show, so keeping them happy secures a reliable audience for future seasons of the show. They'll show up with their wallets out and their enthusiasm turned all the way up for Norman's and Melissa's nuanced performances. They'll create more fanart and other content. They'll make the show trend on Twitter constantly. Fans already adore Norman and Melissa, but explicit canon will amplify it further whereas keeping things ambiguous will cause a significant decline in viewership.

Ambiguity is the reason that the "I love you" scene in the flagship's finale got mixed reactions. For the fans who also struggle with their self-image, it was important to see Daryl and Carol overcome their own insecurities and finally "take whatever happiness they could get." But instead, many saw Carol's lighthearted "I love you too" and Daryl's departure as if they were both forfeiting what they always wanted. Daryl was submitting to his solitary nature again while Carol assumed she still owed a debt to her community and Daryl would be happier without her anyway. Both of them deserved a happy ending, or at least a piece of happiness to launch them into the next part of their journey. As far as many fans were concerned, neither of them got that.

That's why a lot of fans had a hard time watching S1 of the spinoff or opted out of watching all together. There were so many moments that teased the "possibility" of Daryl getting together with a younger, blonder woman nun while hints of Caryl's relationship were buried under more subtext. Keeping Daryl's feelings ambiguous just for the "fun" of shipbaiting cheapens Caryl's one-of-a-kind relationship, falsely indicating that their iconic beats can be recycled with someone else and still evoke the same passionate response from fans.

Ambiguity also perpetuates ageism and gives non-Caryl fans the excuse to say hurtful things to or about Melissa. Whether or not she's online to see it makes no difference because it still degrades her and it damages other women's perceptions of beauty and worth. Explicit canon on the other hand raises both Melissa and Norman up as two powerhouse actors utilizing their unparalleled chemistry to celebrate mature romances. It brings Daryl’s defining character traits to the forefront – the nurturing traits and the epic ones. It positions Daryl and Carol as equals, and it helps drown out the harmful comments against Melissa.

Hopes for season 2 of the spinoff are high. Confirmation of Carol's and Daryl's romantic relationship in a way that needs no interpretation and no explanation from anyone offscreen is a dealbreaker. I know in terms of explicit canon, post-production can make all the difference, so it's crucial someone in a position of power pushes for canon that fully and unapologetically lives up to the fans' expectations, does right by the characters, and respects what Melissa wants.

#caryl #carol peletier #daryl dixon #norman reedus #melissa mcbride #carol x daryl #the book of carol #twd caryl

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bonefall · 7 months

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This is a bit of a vague, broad request (so sorry about that!) but do you have any more info on the Dappletail extended family that hasn’t made it to our ears yet? Any masterposts about them or about individual cats like Darkstripe? I loved the Cricketclaw post a lot and I’d love to see more of these complicated goobers!

Sure! But it won't be comprehensive-- I need to make them a whole post like I did for the Dragonkin family over in RiverClan.

I've been calling them Dapplekin lately, but if we zoom out a little further, I've been calling the whole family the "Tawnyrain" line. I think we could call them Rainkin for the example here.

The Rainkin family descends from Rainfur and Tawnyspots. Tawnyspots is now the FATHER of Dappletail and Thrushpelt, bringing him in line with the statement that he was an old deputy when he retired.

Tawnyspots was an old friend of Sunstar. I imagine he also had a ton of apprentices, he was a responsible and nurturing kind of guy.

Rainfur was gorgeous. She was light golden with those lighter "dapple" stripes you see in Dappletail and her kits.

She is also where the humor came from. She loved the CORNIEST jokes. For some reason I just find it very funny that every cat in BB whose prefix is "Rain" gets a sense of humor.

Tawnyspots: "Hey Rainfur!! What did the tired honeysuckle say to the oak? Leaf me alone I'm bushed!"

Rainfur: (WHEEEEEZE)

The family gets the mane from Tawnyspots.

They were just NICE people, y'know? I think Bluestar looks back at them fondly, they were like the super sweet neighbors in the apartment next to you who would bring over extra food in old, stained tupperware.

And that extended to their kids. Dappletail and Thrushpelt are extremely meaningful to Bluestar, the both of them are sweet as overripe blackberries.

Dappletail has a really BAD case of resting bitchface. I channel a bond villain when I draw her or think of her voice.

She loves telling stories and explaining things, because she is good at it.

When Ravenkit and Dustkit's mother died and their uncle was extremely sick, and she'd just lost Featherkit and Darkstripe skeddadled with Graykit, she looked after them.

I think Ravenpaw's love of storytelling comes from her. Unfortunately though, she gave him a great power, as a kid he had a bad habit of Making Shit Up.

It definitely comes from Dappletail, who never says "I don't know." She will hypothesize, speculate, and seek answers, but doesn't use idk.

"Dappletail, where is the tunnelbun?"

"I saw it last shift, Graystripe had it. He probably took it."

Her kits all actually have the same biofather. I don't know who it is though, I imagine she met him after Rosetail told her a secret story about her honor sire in Chelford, but it might be a Clan cat. But he's monochrome gray; all of her kits are the same color as him.

THRUSHPELT meanwhile, ALSO a ball of sunshine,

I wrote a joke about him saying howdy ONCE and it became a core memory. Guy who says howdy.

Thistleclaw: "THIS IS ENGLAND WHY ARE YOU SAYING HOWDYYYY"

"Well howdy doody thistleclaw"

"AUUUGH"

He definitely says Hello in some weird way. Guy who answers the phone with Yellow. Man who says shucks unironically

And then surprises you by being one of ThunderClan's strongest fighters. If you swear in his good Christian Minecraft server he'll fucking gut you

Dappletail is not the stronger twin. Thushpelt is as thick as a twig but you get in a fight with him and you hear Dark Souls

That's part of why Bluestar could never allow ThunderClan to get taken over by Thistleclaw. The strongest fighter... goes on the front lines.

Moonflower was the strongest fighter too, once.

Unlike Dappletail, Thrushpelt also never needed to know the full story. Bluemoon ADORED him. If she was ever about to overshare for his sake, with the thought that he deserved to know, he would stop her.

"If I should know it, I will learn it in StarClan."

When Bluestar picked her first deputy, she knew it had to be him.

And he was a fantastic deputy, and a great uncle. Super supportive guy, calls you Sport and ruffles your mullet.

He got taken out a few weeks after Featherkit, which was devastating to Dappletail. She is comforted, however, by the idea that Thrushpelt can look after her.

I got into Cricketclaw and Darkstripe recently so I'll try not to repeat too much

Cricket and Dapple were actually extremely upset that Graystripe halted the fight over his kits.

Cricketclaw especially, she doesn't give a shit about Crookedstar and his sadness, she would have invited him to Cry About It, "MY nespring"

Dapple is 50% more diplomatic; "Silverstream is gone. Stormkit and Featherkit's family is here."

Feathertail's name makes them both Emotional, she actually has a tail pattern a lot like Dappletail's

On that note, yeah. They both did not want Featherpaw and Stormpaw to go back. They were both actually pretty upset about it

Cricketclaw got in a FIGHT with Mistyfoot for saying they could go home

How dare you even SUGGEST that actually, go back to the Clan that WANTED TO EXECUTE THEM???

I don't think Cricket could compose herself enough to say goodbye, and she was FURIOUS at Featherpaw for taking the offer. Her final words to them was probably just at Stormpaw alone;

"Don't let your sister decide your whole life for you. You'll always be OUR family."

I don't think Stormpaw actually appreciated it much. Stop making this harder! I know this is a bad idea! I have to be there for Featherpaw when this shit all goes south, god damn it!!

Dappletail and Graystripe are sad but supportive of the twins' choice. Cricketclaw is maaaad

And Stormfur and Feathertail... man

Feathertail sees the good in everything, to a fault. She believes it will all work out if we stick together, and that everything that happens is meant to be.

Stormfur does not agree

He watched his whole ass mentor get wasted, PARTIALLY by his uncle.

He saw people he thought where his friends watch his execution, some curious, some cheerful. All of them just watching.

People don't die clean. His blood didn't anoint the earth, it just gushed and choked. There's no such thing as a noble murder

Everyone rejects the Dishonor Title they gave Stonefur, saying that Tigerstar was not ordained by StarClan.

Stormfur doesn't see how that matters. The stars watched, too.

It was Deerfoot, Swansong, Jaggedtooth, Wetfoot, Mosspelt, and others who saved him... and it was normal cats, just like them, who built the Bonehill

So again; what does it matter that Tigerstar wasn't given the authority by StarClan to change his name?

His mentor was named Heartworm. And that is the only angel he prays to.

If they hadn't gone back to RiverClan, Feathertail never would have been chosen for the journey. Never would have died.

And the destruction of the Forest killed his family in ThunderClan. Devastated them. Even Graystripe was taken.

So when Leopardstar nodded at the "sign" Mothwing claimed she saw, when RiverClan hardened in TNP, and when it kicked out the pawful of Tribe cats who had come to help these ingrates get set up in a new territory...

He was done with Clan Culture. There was nothing left here, for him.

I don't even plan for him to be in love with Brook yet, going to the Tribe was about getting the fuck away from all this.

Yes Feathertail's grave is there too, but I think his feelings are super complicated.

Cricketclaw was right, he let her decide his life, and because of her he didn't get to say goodbye to his family. He would have been in ThunderClan, maybe even been able to save some of them.

At the Tribe, he lives in the Cave Ward. The least populated ward, and practically a temple-town.

At first he thought he would be more of a hunter, but he quickly learned he really doesn't like how you hunt in the highlands. It's a VERY leggy activity, lots of hiking, running, coordination. It was different than he expected.

Anyway I'll stop there because I could write an SE on how Stormfur adjusts after his immigration and I would actually be interested in doing it. Like, really take the chance to show how the BB!Tribe works and explore the feelings of moving to a new place.

It's a theme that's personal to me as a writer tbh.

Graystripe meanwhile... he never gets over Silverstream. Not even with Millie. I don't think he realizes it, but he really is always looking for the glimpse of himself in a happier timeline

And boy oh boy does it fuck up his next litter.

I've spoken about them all before and I plan to collect it all in one place at some point, but briefly,

Graystripe can't ever take a side when Millie treats Briarlight poorly, and just ends up enabling Millie's ableism

Millie is frantic over Briarpaw's injury, and says some AWFUL things right to her face, making the entire situation about herself

But Graystripe will be like, "your mother says things she doesn't mean :( she loves you, you know"

He can't deal with the possibility of losing Millie, too. Or any of his kids. It's something that Briarlight and Blossomfall come to realize, with time and wisdom.

Bumblestripe meanwhile... he's not really smart enough to ever realize that. He just keeps breaking himself on trying to get Graystripe to see him

But Gray is ALWAYS seeing his first litter, and comparing them. No milestone goes by where he's not cheerfully bringing up some story of how their older siblings were, how he wishes they could see them.

That's where he goes, in the end. After extreme carnage from the Impostor, Graystripe decided that he wanted to spend the last of his life with Stormfur in the mountain.

(Graystripe's Vow is now Ferncloud's Parting, FERNCLOUD is gonna go confront her brother)

Thankfully, Briarlight had her mentor Honeysnake to help her realize her worth... but Blossomfall and Bumblestripe meander for meaning into really toxic, dangerous places for their whole lives.

Blossomfall trains in the Dark Forest because she feels so alienated and disconnected from the Clan at large, only stopping in the BOTTE in the last wave when she faces up against Briarlight

She confronts Briar, and she just... cocks her eyebrow. "ILL END YOU" "no you won't."

Squirrelflight actually tried to tell Bramblestar to make an exception with his Dishonor Titles for the DF trainees, realizing that that Blossomfall's problem was alienation.

She wanted Blossomfall to be put into a Secondary Apprenticeship, specifically for the Construction Patrol since Dustpelt was killed. Something where she'd see her work pay off, and she'd be helping to take care of the Clan.

But Bramblestar rejected it, because it would be unfair. If everyone else is getting Dishonor Titles she will get one too; she shouldn't be REWARDED for what she did. It's a punishment.

So she was Shredbloom for a while. None of her problems were addressed and she ended up joining The Kin later, eventually being rescued by Heathertail and her plan.

Returning to ThunderClan was on her family's vouch, bringing the kits she'd given birth to in The Kin with her, and she was on THIN ICE

She mouthed off at the Impostor in typical Blossomfall fashion once, early in his reign, and she got hit with a DEVASTATING second Dishonor Title; Clearface.

"Because it would be better off if we could see right through her."

Bumblestripe became one of the Impostor's favorite lackeys, exploiting his failed relationship and resentment of Dovewing

Briarlight was murdered in the dog attack that Sparkpelt barely survived, and Stemleaf is killed in the assassination attempt on the Impostor.

Bumblestripe accompanies the old people, Ferncloud, Cloudtail, and Graystripe, during Ferncloud's Parting. He says goodbye to his dad in the mountain, and finally meets the Famous Stormfur...

And learns that he's just some fucking guy.

You live your whole life trying to hold up to this standard of a distant, unknown brother in the mountains, and then you learn he was Just A Dude all along.

He went further south with Cloudtail and Ferncloud too, to make sure they were safe. They are old and it is a long journey.

And that's where they all are to the current point of BB! In ThunderClan, the active Rainkin Family is Bumblestripe, Blossomfall, Plumstone, and Shellfur, and all of them want to support Spotfur as she raises Stemleaf's children.

They refer to themselves as "Graykin" currently; their last relevant ancestor. In Clan Culture, families tend to split at a grandparent or great-grandparent.

#Rainkin #Dapplekin #Graykin #Better bones au

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starlost97 · 5 months

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— muse.

summary: Charlie found the muse he needed to his most personal love poems.

keywords: almost? a smut, abstract, worshipping, gn!reader.

characters: Charlie Dalton, Mr. Keating (mentioned).

warnings: insinuations of a smut?, very abstract, reader's clothing is not specified (only the material).

a/n: so sorry for taking so long! I got sick in the middle of writing this (not I-have-a-cold sick, more like throwing-up-food-from-a-decade-ago kind of sick) so it took me way more than it needed to. I might rewrite this later but I didn't want to keep the person who requested waiting any longer!

word count: 443.

requested?: yes!

Charlie Dalton never expected to still nurture such love for poetry even after finishing school. His room in college was full of books about "the biggies", as Mr. Keating loved to call. Not only that, but some works of his own too.

He loved to surprise other people, it didn't matter how. It could be by playing the saxophone or showing how weirdly broad his vocabulary was.

However, his poetry was something that few people had the honor to listen.

Sure, he had shown some random things he wrote in class, but the ones that he truly poured himself in it were guarded to the deserving only.

And you were definitely one of them.

When he saw you alone, sitting at the barstool, he couldn't help but be mesmerized. His knees almost failed him, and with that only he already had the beginning to the poetry inspired by the masterpiece of you.

He watched you for a while, getting jealous of the silky cloth around your torso and how it slided around your waist.

Charlie didn't remember how he approached you, because when his lips touched yours, everything else didn't matter anymore. His hands were on your body and he felt himself getting hotter and hotter by the second.

As he removed the fabric from your body, his breath was mercilessly taken away from him. Not only because his lips weren't on you anymore, but also because your heavenly curves were much more that he could ever imagine.

His mouth was soon brushing against your skin again, and each sound gained from you made his whole body ache for more.

"It's ridiculous how obsessed I already am." He muttered, pressing his lips against your skin, feeling your scent. "Are you a witch or something like that?"

"I might be." You joked, gaining a smile in response.

It didn't last much, however. Charlie was more focused on grazing his lips all over you, leaving some kisses behind as a way of showing his appreciation. It was his way of thanking you for blessing him with the power to worship you.

Something that he definitely didn't take it for granted on that night, under the weak light of the tiny unisex bathroom hidden inside a cheap bar, thrilled with the risk of getting caught.

The most unexpected place to find his muse.

But isn't that the beauty of love?

It makes us feel alive.

Charlie maybe didn't love you yet on that night, but he loved being passionate over you.

He loved so much that he didn't know how the hell he was supposed to live without it.

And he wasn't going to find out.

#charlie dalton #dead poets society #dead poets #charlie dalton x reader

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katsigian · 6 months

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𝙏𝙃𝙀 𝙏𝙍𝘼𝙂𝙄𝘾 𝙇𝙊𝙑𝙀 𝘼𝙍𝘾𝙃𝙀𝙏𝙔𝙋𝙀 ⋆.𖥔 ݁ ˖

This quiz was sent to me and it hurt good bad so I figured maybe the mutuals would also wany to do it, too ♡ While my OCs are CP77 and BG3 based, you can do this for any OC from any setting. I'm going to tag some people, but if you'd rather not share your results, there's no pressure to do so! There's also no pressure to interact with this post

────────── Find the quiz here

@rindemption @noirapocalypto @spicyraeman @alphanight-vp @swanfey @quickhacked @westealtoys @mercymaker @vanoefucks @hazellblogs @seluned @kharonion @nncc77 @peaches-n-screem @balverine2077 @humberg @strafethesesinners @envergothash @duskfey @mrdekarios @feykiller @aggravateddurian @dameayliins @wilxfyre @opaleyedprince @daedricshrine @ncytiri @nokstella @ruinbringer @cyberneutral @yharnams @thedeadthree @shellibisshe @hibernationsuit @aelyosos @wistereia @leota-nexus @baldurians @togepies @florbelles @ronqueesha @roarmoreau @molochka-koshka @devilbrakers @elvenbeard @zyana-wyvern @estevnys @gortash @vayneoc

𝙑𝘼𝙇𝙀𝙉 // 06. 𝘿𝙀𝙑𝙊𝙐𝙍𝙀𝙍 ⋆.𖥔 ݁ ˖

❝ Love's a knife to skin to you, a vein to woven muscle, a blood puddle before you. You listened to all the promises of a stranger's relief and feel the drain of a shower head running it all down again. You committed another murder; kissed and bruised skin with a clench to a quivering wrist and went home in the defeaning quiet of a taxi. There's mold covered rage within you. If to take a heart home with you, you'd bite your way through muscle and ribcage first. Pleasure comes, but there will be no devouring past it. There is fear in settling down and being seen. There is a glass screen between these bodies and you. Relax your tight jaw and feel the real canine fear beneath that scabbed up cavity. The sacrifice of opening up is needed if to be loved as you deeply wish is inside. Desire doesn't discriminate between hands or spoken word. Why should you? ❞

I really liked this one for Valen specifically because it talks about how lonely he once was; how he'd find the most temporary comfort within a stranger and then go home alone to have to face the quiet again. I love how it compares love-making to a murder because there's not many things Valen likes more than leaving loving bruises behind on soft skin from kissing too roughly. He also felt like for the longest time like he had a thick glass barrier between him and everyone else - you can look, but don't get too close to me. He wanted so badly to be loved for so long in spite of how he'd keep everyone at arms' length. It was a safety measure, because the past kept coming back to remind him that when he let others inside, past the walls, all they did was grab his heart and twist. Imagine wanting to be loved so badly you ached but at the same time feared it. All Valen wants is to be devoured by another who'll keep him safe within themselves.

𝙑𝙀𝙎𝙋𝙀𝙍 // 01. 𝙈𝘼𝙐𝘿𝙇𝙄𝙉 𝙈𝘼𝙂𝘿𝘼𝙇𝙀𝙉𝙀 ⋆.𖥔 ݁ ˖

❝ An embrace with the shivering figure of a ghost. You cut your hair at 3 a.m. to change it all but it is no use. Love is a war to endure to you. You comfort and hold, kiss pressed to temple and cheek while feeling the numbness filling your nights to brim. What used to feel honorable has now become chore of breathing to sustain another. What else is love, but your lap to lay another's head into? Your fingers turn blue in the announcing dawn, the cold figure of what you used to know of yourself remains asleep next to them. Another version of you has crept out of your old body, has ripped and eaten itself out of a cast that was fused into the position of nurturing comfort. Remove yourself from your lovers before they become part of you, conjoined with your arms to anothers head you have no life apart of maudlin magdalene. You have given endlessly, but this isn't all there is to you. Acknowledge the good that has been done and let yourself be free. You deserve to feel held as well, you are more than what you can give of yourself before breaking down. ❞

This one again feels pretty fitting for Vesper. He's not like his brother Valen - he gives much more easily than he does and is more open with what he truly wishes for. But it's become more of a burden for Vesper to keep opening up his heart and not getting those things he really wants. He gives very easily, tries to support the people he's let inside, but it gets tiring when he gets not enough in return. Eventually, he does find someone who will give him all he needs and more, but everything up until that point was Vesper thinking that he had to be a giver, whether it was his body or his affection or anything else.

#i love the tragic stuff #as long as it is tempered with some love and there's a promise of relief 😅#let me know if you don't want to be tagged in this stuff there's no hard feelings!#or let me know if you would like to be tagged in the future #cp2077 #cp77 #cbp2077 #cyberpunk oc #cyberpunk 2077 oc #male v #masc v #original character #uquiz #tag games 💌#⠀- ̗̀ ⸨ 𝔳𝔢𝔰𝔭𝔢𝔯 𝔨𝔦𝔫𝔩𝔞𝔴 ⸩⁺☀︎⭒๋#⠀- ̗̀ ⸨ 𝔳𝔞𝔩𝔢𝔫 𝔨𝔦𝔫𝔩𝔞𝔴 ⸩⁺☀︎⭒๋#⠀- ̗̀ ⸨ 𝔳𝔞𝔩𝔢𝔫//𝔩𝔬𝔯𝔢 ⸩⁺☀︎⭒๋

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betterfettered · 1 year

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Hello! I hope you’re doing alright! Is it ok if I ask for the brothers’ reaction to their darling dying during childbirth?

Their attitudes towards their darling’s pregnancy is sort of a mixed bag already which makes me wonder, would they obsess over their child and sort of see them as their last piece of darling or would they hate their child and blame them for darling’s death?

Thank you in any case!

Hello hello anon anon! I hope you're staying cool. I have been sweating like a pig since mid may so even wearing makeup is hard because it runs so much.

As I mentioned before I don't have much experience with this topic so I hope you enjoy it. Let me know if you disagree with me, I'd love to hear your thoughts <3 (AFAB!reader x AMAB!yandere)(grief)(child neglect/abuse)(absentee parent)(18+ readers only please, mdni)[Abuse and neglect are inexcusable in real life. Children always deserve a nurturing, loving home where they feel safe and valued.]

Yandere!Lucifer is most likely going to torment his child as a result, unfortunately. Much like how he treated Belphie in the first game, when he's emotionally overwhelmed he falls back on what is proper and what can be considered as respectable as possible. So he'd be strict with the child and want them to exceed what every other child is doing at the time. However, I don't think he can maintain this kind of mentality. It gets to a breaking point with him where he has to honor his emotions, so I think that once it's clear this isn't working and hurting everyone including him he'd be willing to try and reconsider how he's been dealing with your death and the child.

Also, because he would probably be responsible for children in a few of the below scenarios (lolll), he'd be much, much more lenient and caring with a kid that wasn't his and didn't come from the death of his darling. He'd be a good surrogate father, even if he is a little distant.

Yandere!Mammon would be very, very unwell and probably not able to pay much attention to the child. His typical way to cope is either crying or making jokes about it, but he doesn't have enough tears to cry and can't find a way to laugh at you passing. I think it would take him a few years to be able to be consistently present with the child, but when he did he would try to treasure them as a remainder of you.

Yandere!Levi would probably not want anything to do with the child for five or ten years. They are a personification of his own hell, because they took your attention and presence from him just like he knew they would. He would blame them, I think, but once the child started to reflect your habits and your looks, he would be drawn to them and try to be in their life more. He's pretty negative but not necessarily bitter, so when he eventually tries to bond with the child I think he will be caring and sweet.

Yandere!Satan wouldn't voluntarily give up his child but would likely revert to only being able to feel rage, so they would be taken from him by his brothers. He's not emotionally articulate in the first place so trying to express the massive grief of losing you would exceed his capabilities and just become a lot of destructive, painful wrath. Lucifer will likely parent the baby until Satan can calm down -- and who knows how long that will take? -- but once he was able to be with the child, I think he would really, really do as much as he could for them, researching how to parent and what to do at every point. Even if he doesn't have the words for it, he mostly would see the kid as a testament to his love for you so he'd try to love them perfectly. At first he'd probably be too harsh and too strict, but I actually think he'd course correct sooner than Lucifer would.

Yandere!Asmodeus is the least likely, in my opinion, to end up parenting because I think your death would actually break him. Yan Asmo has managed to smooth over every part of your unhealthy relationship with him by ignoring or reinterpreting it through his delusions, but there isn't really a way for him to be delusional about you being dead. I think he'd be very deeply, personally changed, and it's hard to tell if or how he would recover from it. I think that in the case he did recover he'd be so different from the experience that he'd be rebuilding his personality in conjunction with the kid's development. He probably would never be the same old Asmo.

Yandere!Beelzebub is the most likely of all of them to rise to the challenge and stay parenting the child. Duty is really important to him, considering how seriously he takes protecting Lucifer and the other brothers despite that not being his job any more. He has always imagined parenting a family with you, so if you're not around to make that happen it means he needs to work twice as hard at it himself. Of course, he'd struggle with the grief of it, but your memory would be motivating to him.

Yandere!Belphegor would try his hardest to take care of the child, but he likely wouldn't be able to do it all by himself. He's spoiled and not used to doing anything really difficult, so when he gets really overwhelmed by grief he'd have to rely on the others to help him. Because he'd always be doing his best, as the years passed and the grief became easier to handle, he'd be a better and better dad. I think he's the most likely to use it against the child in an argument when they are older, but he would try to apologize almost immediately (and then probably need help to actually properly apologize).

A little somber, but I hope you enjoyed it!

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peachymilkandcream · 1 month

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The Truth About Your Mother|Levi x Evelyn

(A/N: I wanted to do a oneshot with older Levi and his grown kids. I've been brainrotting about how they would interact with their parents and their father's ways. Let me know if I should do a part 2 with the story! (Because it got really long for build up lmao))

WARNINGS: implied noncon, dubcon, manipulation, domestic abuse, yandere themes, forced marriage, forced pregnancy, stockholm syndrome, graphic depictions of violence, mind breaking, misogyny, etc.

================================================

Levi's children were his pride and joy, after all he had put Evelyn through in the end she had blessed him with seven children. Four strapping boys and three beautiful girls. Furlan and Isabel were nearly grown now, and the twins Kenneth and Erwin were old enough to have a mind of their own.

Each of his children lived up to their namesakes, named after those he both loved and hated simply because of the person who carried the name before them. He wanted each of his children to embody the strength and spirit of those who they named them after. Although after the first few, he ran out of noble people to name his children after, leaving him with one Julien, and his youngest daughter Maria, named after the mission that brought him his wife and the greatest honor he had ever recieved.

Growing up they had a strict regime in order to become just like their father in all things. He wanted these brats to be a legacy for him. To have anyone who came in contact with one of them know they were Ackermans. When they succeeded he rewarded them greatly. Many a nobleman's child envied the lavish birthday parties and Christmas celebrations Levi gave.

They all grew up to respect and adore their father. Able to tell him anything and receive sound advice, as well as affection. He rarely raised his hand towards them, and when he did they knew why they had deserved it.

However they never knew the truth about their mother's history. Or how she was treated.

After her return to the manor, what Levi ingrained Furlan into remembering as "Mama's big mistake", was the last time she defied Levi. Soon her attitude became like his, and therefore like her children. The town's people bitterly nicknamed it the "Ackerman arrogance", when the dark hair and cold eyes of that family entered the vicinity, all knew to watch out or be cut down with their influence and sharp tongue.

Evelyn was more nurturing and caring than Levi, and left all the discipline to him. However the children still favored their father, since it was his instruction and wallet that gave them all their heart's content.

Levi never beat or even yelled at his wife in front of their kids, determined to show himself in the best light to them. But they were all warned to let Papa know if Mama was trying to disobey him.

He had carefully constructed his life so his children would never know the terrible secret.

At least he thought.

================================================

Furlan had been Erwin Smith's personal assistant since he was old enough to be. Having the lessons of the military beaten into him he didn't have to go to basic training. But that didn't mean he didn't catch onto the other's looks of envy and annoyance seeing such a young cadet get such a valued position.

While he sat typing up the notes from the Commander's last meeting he couldn't help but notice today Erwin staring at him.

"Is something wrong, sir?"

Erwin shakes his head. "Nothing really. I just can't get over how much you look like Levi."

Furlan offers the slightest smile. "Thank you sir, that means a lot."

"How is the old bastard getting on? We've both been so busy friendly chats are out of the question."

"As well as he can be. I don't think he'll ever shake that limp and his cane, I've never seen him without it since I was born. But he's the same Levi, in fact I think my siblings help keep him and Mother young."

Erwin scoffs. "Of course. Nothing can touch the unkillable soldier."

Furlan detects the bitterness in his voice. "Sir? Can I ask you a question?"

"What is it."

"Do you not like my father? I know my brother is named after you but it still seems like you don't like him."

"I respect that he knows how to play the game. I respect his judgement and his skills. But no, I'm not particularly fond of him."

"Can I ask why?"

"Ask him for the truth about your Mother, about how he got her to marry him."

"Sir-"

"If you want the truth, then you'll have to suck it up and demand it yourself. He's been lying to you all for years."

===============================================

"And that's what he said Father." Furlan had gathered the oldest four siblings, him, Kenneth, Isabel, and Erwin all together to hear what Levi had to say. The little ones didn't need to hear this, especially if it was what he feared.

Levi taps his cigarette into the waiting tray. "So you think your old man has been lying to you. My own brats don't trust me."

Isabel is quick for damage control. "Please Father, you know we're not accusing you of anything. We just want to know the truth."

Levi pats her head, taking a moment and sighing. "Very well. I think you should all have a seat.

#attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #break me slowly #levi x oc #levi aot #levi x reader #levi ackerman #yandere levi #yandere levi ackerman #yandere levi x reader

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lets-try-some-writing · 1 year

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Can you write another part for the Secret of the Primacy AU? I must know what happens next!

How will Ratchet react going his friend is actually gone?

How will the autobots react knowing they have been lead by one that is technically a child?

How will the decepticons and Megatron act?

Will Jack view Optimus differently because of his obsession?

How will poor Optimus feel with his big secret out?

Let there be angst!

Sorry this took so long to get to! I am absolutely flooded with requests and schoolwork at the moment. So apologies. But here it is! The next part to my second favorite au! Part 1 here, and part 2 here.

Innocent Sacrifice

It was not really intentional on Optimus's part, but even with the Matrix in his chassis, sometimes he needed to feel. And so after Jack was taken from base and kept away from him, the stability that Optimus had carefully constructed for his mind cracked.

All throughout the war Optimus kept himself in check by relying on the Matrix to suppress his emotions, doting on Bumblebee to distract himself, and drowning himself in enough guilt over simply existing for any of his own feelings aside from it to not matter. It was not healthy by any means, but the constant mental berating that he gave himself kept him in check. Day in and day out he chanted to himself a simple creed.

You do not deserve to feel, keep your emotions hidden, they do not matter.

The lives of others are more important than your own, they must always come first, even at your own expense.

Orion Pax should have lived and you should have died. Remember that and live only to honor him.

It was an easy creed to remember, and Optimus lived by it like gospel. But after having the Matrix lose its power after the Unicron incident, something slipped in Optimus's mind. Coding he had long kept dormant through an unholy mix of differing suppressors and extreme stress began to act up. And while he could have shut the coding down immediately and stopped it from doing anything if he had been aware of the need to keep it locked down, Optimus without his memory saw no need.

As such when Optimus regained his memories, he was left in a tough spot. He found himself falling deep into hyper-fixation and could do nothing to stop it even after he began getting back on his suppressors. His long dormant sparkling code which never had the chance to mature and grow into that of an adults acted upon what he saw. The coding urged him to seek out a guardian, a Sire, or a Nurturer. Someone, anyone to guide him and give him love. He was helpless to stop his fall into desperation once Jack was put before him and proclaimed to be like his Sire.

So when everything came crashing down and Jack was taken away from Optimus, he felt like everything was hopeless. He spiraled, his Prime coding unable to sway him and the Matrix incapable of stopping him as his sparkling coding reared its helm and demanded he lash out in an instinctual need to escape danger. And so he did, he lashed out at both himself and the team, his long suppressed coding overriding everything else in favor of getting what it needed and had been denied for far too long. After his initial mad ramble about how he couldn't fail Jack, Optimus grew angry at the team's prodding and demands for answers. He stood and in a burst of emotional rage told them the truth, not caring for the repercussions and just wanting to have something change.

Ratchet: Optimus! You need to tell us the truth!

Optimus: You want the fragging truth?! Fine! Here is your truth! No Prime has been chosen since the dawn of time!

Arcee: What does that even mean-!

Optimus: You think a mortal could bear this burden!? You think the average Cybertronian could endure the sins of our entire people!?

Bulkhead: Prime, you need to calm down-

Optimus: I was MADE for this! Born for this purpose and for no other! A sacrifice was offered and in return I came into being!

Bumblebee: Sire, please, we don't understand!

Ratchet: Orion, you aren't making any sense!

Optimus: Don't call me that! My name is OPTIMUS PRIME! I am NOT Orion! I never was!

It wasn't a very detailed reveal, but it got the point across fairly well. While Optimus fumed and marched off to go rage and then wallow over the fact that he gave his biggest secret up privately, the team stood in shock. It took a long while for the pieces to click into place, but when it did, everything hit them like a fright train. They didn't know everything, but they did gather that 1. Optimus and Orion were NOT the same person. 2. Orion died or otherwise was replaced by Optimus. 3. Optimus was by all accounts less than a millennia old if what he said was true and he was forged when Orion travelled to Primus's core.

The team were totally and completely flabbergasted by everything.

Optimus did not come out of his room for over a week afterward. His room was locked tight and barred from the inside. He didn't even come out for fuel, instead choosing starvation over having to face the team. He didn't communicate with anyone, not even over comm link, and kept his bond with Bumblebee firmly blocked off. He completely and totally isolated himself and the team were far too shocked to do much about it for the first few days.

Ratchet took the reveal the hardest. He didn't know how he should feel. Was anger the right response? After all, Optimus had lied to him and everyone else since the moment he came to the Autobots proclaiming himself Prime. Was sadness the proper thing to feel? His oldest friend had been dead for nearly a millennia and a literal sparkling had been thrust into the place Orion left behind. Or was he perhaps supposed to feel shock and pity? Optimus was obviously suffering and had been since the moment of his creation. He was a sparkling and had led them to war, killed countless soldiers, and made choices meant for mecha a thousand times his age. He had been forced to keep quiet and lie, never revealing anything or allowing himself to feel and be himself, a right all sparklings should be entitled to. What in the pits was he supposed to feel? Ratchet didn't know. But what he was certain of was that a sparkling was hurting more than he could ever imagine, and so for at least a little while, his own feelings needed to be put aside.

If all that remained of Orion was the broken sparkling that had been given the mantle of Prime, then Ratchet would do everything in his power to protect the legacy of his oldest friend. He could grieve at a later date, but at the moment a sparkling, the sparkling of Orion needed his aid.

Arcee was left conflicted but mostly shocked. She did not hold any grudges against Optimus for keeping his secret. She was well aware of the corruption of Cybertron's religious and political groups and she wouldn't have been at all surprised to learn that cruel mecha had manipulated and forced Optimus into lying and taking his role too soon. More than anything else, she wanted to help, to bring Optimus out of the mental prison he had locked himself in. And while she didn't know everything, she could guess based on his outburst that he had a great deal of self-loathing toward himself. It hurt her spark to imagine an actual sparkling hating being alive and being burdened with the weight of an entire world.

Bulkhead was less conflicted and more distraught. He always loved the little ones, so seeing his Prime suddenly break down and allow just a hint of his sparkling nature to shine through hurt him dearly. As Optimus raged he could see the pain, the desire, and the absolute desperation to be loved and seen in his optics. Bulkhead recognized his Prime was still powerful and so very wise, but he could also come to see the hurt and the scars that covered his commander, if not physically then mentally. He was not good with his servos, but he wanted to try and help, to fix things for his Prime if only in a small way. No one, sparkling or not, deserved to suffer so often and so greatly.

Bumblebee took time to himself to contemplate and ultimately came to the conclusion that Optimus, despite being only a little older than him, was still and would forever be his Sire and Prime. The Prime had raised him, sacrificed so much for him, and had gone above and beyond to care for him. What did age matter to their kind anyway? He was made a soldier at an age that those from times long past would have found abhorrent. At least for him, he had Optimus and plenty of others to rely on and had the chance to continue developing with their support. But Optimus? Optimus did not have that. He had to take every burden upon himself, every sin, every decision, and the pain of the entirety of the Autobots. No matter how old Optimus was, the burden was still greater than anything Bumblebee could imagine and he wanted to help. He wanted to give back a small portion of what he had received from the mech he called Sire.

As such a week and three days after Optimus cut himself off completely, Ratchet took command of the team and got a saw and Bulkhead on Optimus's door. It only took twenty minutes to bust the door down, but the sight that greeted them was enough to make the team take a step back.

Optimus was curled up in a ball in the corner of his room, claw marks and all sorts of cuts littering his frame. His walls were covered from top to bottom in terrifying scrawl which read out all the thing he had been told to do. Everything from remaining composed to never daring to believe that he was worth anything were written on the walls in what looked to be a mix of paint, ink, and energon. The Prime was totally silent and his gaze was locked on the wall opposite him, his optics dull and unfocused. Everything about the situation spoke of a severe mental breakdown and Ratchet only hesitated a moment before slowly coming near, fearful of causing Optimus to fly into a rage again or possibly hurt himself further.

Ratchet: Hey there... can you hear me Optimus?

Optimus: ...

Ratchet: We need to get you some energon and repairs. I am going to have to move you to the medical bay-

Optimus: *quietly* No...

Ratchet: ... That's fine, we can do the work here. But I need to see your frame.

Optimus: I don't want you to see...

Ratchet: Optimus, I'm not going to hurt you. I want to help. Please, let me make this right.

It took a bit of convincing and the team being sent away, but Optimus very hesitantly allowed Ratchet to work and patch up his wounds while giving him energon via IV drip. The Prime didn't move from his spot, his expression completely blank and broken right up until the work was done and Ratchet looked to him. The medic was careful not to move too fast or without warning, but in an act of love he gently pulled Optimus into a hug. And while it was such a small thing in the grand scheme of things, Optimus being so very starved for love and attention cried and held on to his medic and foster Sire desperately. He didn't want it to end, he wanted to continue feeling cared for even if it ended up being a lie later down the line.

Ratchet merely muttered sweet nothings and held the young Prime close to his chassis, allowing Optimus's helm to rest against him so that he might hear the thrum of his spark. The Prime soon enough fell back to his sparkling coding, the Matrix pushing all else aside to finally allow its bearer a chance to heal. Optimus ended up rumbling his frame in contentment and falling into much needed recharge leaning against his foster Sire with pleased mutters.

Once Optimus was out cold, he was carefully taken to the medical berth and hooked up to a proper IV and put under watch and heavy meds to ensure he didn't lose it again. All the while Ratchet remained nearby, always calming his Prime with a soothing brush of his field of a soft touch to Optimus's plating as he recharged. The rest of the team came by periodically to comfort Optimus as well as he thrashed in his recharge cycle. In the end Bumblebee curled up against his Sire's side as he recharged, and that was enough for Optimus to finally calm long enough to begin healing without the threat of tearing his welds open hanging over his helm.

When the children returned to base not long after, they were filled in and largely shocked. Jack most of all since he had been the receiver of much of Optimus's attention for months. The boy could hardly comprehend that the reason Optimus had focused so hard on him was not because of some dark purpose, but because the Prime just wanted his dad. He felt a bit weirded out at the thought of Optimus searching for some sort of parental affection from him, but upon being given the explanation, he understood to a degree. While it would take him a while to feel fully comfortable around the Prime again, he was not mad and in fact more sad for Optimus than anything else.

As for the Decepticons? They did not find out the truth of the matter for months after the reveal. And it was only because of Soundwave picking up on conversations that they were even made aware of Optimus's nature. Megatron didn't take it well at all.'

For millennia he had thought he was fighting against his wayward brother, but now he knew that he had only been tussling with a sparkling. A large part of him grieved for the loss of Orion, blaming Optimus for being the cause of his brother's death. Another smaller part felt disgusted with himself as he had struggled so greatly against one so young and been beaten time and time again by an actual infant. And yet deep down in a dark corner of his mind, Megatron wanted to take Optimus for himself in some twisted attempt to preserve what remained of Orion's legacy.

All in all, things changed greatly for both sides once the Primacy's greatest secret was brought to light.

#maccadam #transformers #transformers prime #team prime #ratchet #bumblebee #arcee #bulkhead #megatron #optimus prime #secret of the primacy au #hurt and comfort #this took so long but its finally done #hope yall like it

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inafieldofdaisies · 6 months

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OCs as tragic love archetypes | uquiz | tagged by @adelaidedrubman @corvosattano and @simplegenius042

CUPID'S BROTHER: You have been love adjacent all your life. The faint spill of another story that softly grazed your shoulders when stood too close. Whether by design or not, you have yet to build a clear image of what love means to you. The interlocked weaving of a picture locket bound to strand of hair when hugged to tight, the sunpatch that meets your soles in glaring sun dried fields when running with a friend. You are not far from love, but moving between line of collision and avoidance at all times. A faint glimmer on sea lake surface of what could be. There is time to find what you want, find whether it's enough as is. Love is in you, breathing in another day. Continue as you are, realizing the love that is slowly blossoming in your life as it sharpens and clears in brushstrokes.

CANíBALES/DEVOURER: Love's a knife to skin to you, a vein to woven muscle, blood puddle before you. You listened to all the promises of a stranger's relief and feel the drain of a shower head running it all down again. You committed another murder; kissed and bruised skin with a clench to a quivering wrist and went home in the defeaning quiet of a taxi. There's mold covered rage within you. If to take a heart home with you, you'd bite your way through muscle and ribcage first. Pleasure comes, but there will be no devouring past it. There is fear in settling down and being seen. There is a glass screen between these bodies and you. Relax your tight jaw and feel the real canine fear beneath that scabbed up cavity. The sacrifice of opening up is needed if to be loved as you deeply wish inside. Desire doesn't discriminate between hands or spoken word. Why should you?

If this isn't perfect for Mer, and sacrifice being mentioned ☠️

SUB ROSA: Love is a game of here and there to you. Whether catching glimpse of another's neckline or grazing a knuckle between knocking shoulders of passing by. You have learned to adore in secrecy, the rawness of an outright confession to be spoken a foreign terror. There is ease in pursuing the unavailable, to remain within the space of possibility and nestle the fuzzy words another could say to make or break your day. Instability spun itself into mysterium and while the certainty of love in aging isn't to be forced upon anyone, there is a miniscule part of you testing the limits of ambiguity. Hold down the feeling and settle in the leather seat of a car, kiss the corner of a mouth and say how you feel. Your affection in its vulnerability is to be seen, lift the veil and do not fret when an honest word turns into all you have secretly yearned for. You are meant to be noticed and openly loved.

LESLIE. Goddamn, he is at it again.

MAUDLIN MAGDALENE: An embrace with the shivering figure of a ghost. You cut your hair at 3 a.m. to change it all but it is no use. Love is a war to endure to you. You comfort and hold, kiss pressed to temple and cheek while feeling the numbness filling your nights to brim. What used to feel honorable has now become chore of breathing to sustain another. What else is love, but your disembodied lap to lay another's head into? Your fingers turn blue in the announcing dawn, the cold figure of what you used to know of yourself remains asleep next to them. Another version of you has crept out of your old body, has ripped and eaten itself out of a cast that was fused into the position of nurturing comfort. Remove yourself from your lovers before they become part of you, conjoined with your arms to anothers wailing head you have no life apart of maudlin magdalene. You have given endlessly, but this isn't all there is to you. Acknowledge the good that has been done and let yourself be free. You deserve to feel held as well, you are more than what you can give of yourself before breaking down.

FATHER'S SON: Breathe down your own neck, it's the sound of smashing fist against furniture in another room again. The wringing hem of cloth and pattern of an escalating heart. Love is tumultous to you. There is grief and disguised forgiveness to damp down the yearning. A permanent fear of tender flesh spilling out, still- you must refrain of growing attached to the fear you had installed into you. Let go of the notion that love is still to be cherished with a hole in the head. Scrub crimson ancestry off wooden floors and try again tomorrow when your hands don't shake cold from the blood loss. Love isn't a fist to escape. Fill the hole in your head with cotton and know you are to be adored. You are deserving of an embrace without flinching.

Torn about this one, like pretty boy has a ton of guilt from his past, but the violence isn't something he faced prior to [redacted], esp in his family. He'd argue he's not his father's son, actually.

Tagging, @socially-awkward-skeleton @josephslittledeputy @trench-rot @josephseedismyfather @florbelles @direwombat @cassietrn @purplehairsecretlair @voidika @theelderhazelnut @marivenah @madparadoxum @unholymilf @carlosoliveiraa @harmonyowl @nightbloodbix @macs-babies @shellibisshe @onehornedbeast @euryalex @clicheantagonist @g0dspeeed and anyone that would like to do the uquiz for their ocs <3

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riverbills · 6 days

Text

TASK:The Eulogy

"Say a few words in honor of Richard"

River considered himself a talented writer. He had his name written in enough soap opera end cried crawls to prove it. He had the imagination to think of overdramatic scenarios and the observation skills to know what the most realistic reactions to situations would be, before ditching realism for more engaging character responses instead. But writing a euology for Richard was different to writing scripts. When writing one off episodes of medical dramas River loved writing cliches. The thought of giving a cliche eulogy made his skin crawl. Richard deserved better than a cliche eulogy. Richard deserved a eulogy that was as unique and poignant as he was. River was concerned he didn't have unique and poignant words in him. Especially not where was a massive ache in his chest. He didn't want to be at the funeral. He wanted to be curled up in his childhood bedroom staring at one of the ugly neon green walls and petting Saskia. In normal circumstances River loved giving speeches. As a teenage he used to sit at the vintage typewriter Richard brought him practicing writing his Oscars acceptance speech. Richard was always the first person he thanked. He couldn't channel that enthusiasm for speech writing into his eulogy but maybe he could channel that gratitude towards Richard into it.

River first attempt at writing his euology was on Saturday morning. He wrote it hunched over in his airplane seat. Unsatisfied with the result he he tore out the page from the pocketbook after he was finished and scrunched it into his pocket.This earned him a concerned but sympathetic look from the flight attendant. The eulogy was as stale as the taste of vodka in his mouth. He needed to think of something more touching than what he'd written. His second attempt at writing the eulogy was on Sunday evening. He wrote it on the vintage typewriter Richard gifted him. He was grateful that Saskia kept interrupting his writing process. Unsatisfied with the result he sighed then tucked it into his suit jacket pocket. He wished he thought of something more impactful than what he'd written but it was all he had.

As River walked up to say a few words of respect he kept his eulogy burning a hole in his suit jacket pocket. Maybe if he improvised a few words they would be more sincere. His prepared eulogy wasn't as heartfelt as Mick's or as touching as Alison's. "Hello, I'm River Billngham. Some of you are already aware of who I am."He stopped to gesture towards the towards, still theatrical even at his lowest. "But most of you aren't. Richard had numerous wards but not enough to solely give him the send off he deserves." River paused hoping for nods of agreement or at least one titter.“When my parents died…a part of me died with them.” In hindsight River's parents weren't as present as they should have been but it was true that at the time a part of him died with them. He couldn't pick up at instrument without bursting into tears. But Richard took him in anyway.“I thought I would never be happy again. And obviously I'm not happy right now but I have joyful memories from the past sixteen years and some of those memories are because of Richard." River sucked in a breath."I don't know what I would have done without him. He gave me a home. An unusual disjointed home full of traumatised disfunctional children but a home nonetheless." River looked down at his bracelets for a moment, fiddling with the leather. "You know, I really needed an environment as untraditional as Woodrow House. I don't think I would have survivied anywhere else." Not many other legal guardians would have let an artsy teenage boy fill his room with craft projects and mismatched bright furniture. "The incredible thing about Richard is that he nurtured his wards in the exact way they needed. And he wasn't flawless because..."River stopped as he felt a lump form in his throat ."because nobody is, not even people who seem like they are from the outside. But he was as close to flawless as you can get on this shitty planet. And I'm..." River stopped as the tears welled up."Fuck! I needed more time. I'm sorry, this is too much. "River ran from the funeral.

#d:0 #wrhq.task #sorry this is 50 days late #but its here i had to establish rivers not doing well #he showed up to the wake 2 hours late and had to be told he didnt give the worst eulogy

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cosmicatta · 1 year

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"I could tell you about canon moments that made me love them, but I could also list a very extense number of things that I’ve just mostly made up myself, including the way I personally interpret those canon moments. "

I would love to hear about those !

Oh my oh my, I hope I don’t overwhelm you with my nonsense, anon, but here I go! ❤

One thing that has always interested me about lawlu is the fact that they seem to be opposites, yet you can draw so many parallels between them. In a way, they really are Sun and Moon, contrasting but, at the same time, more alike than you’d think at first, and inevitably nurturing each other. Together, they create this perfect balance of freedom and logic, light and darkness. They make each other grow, and I think this is especially noticeable from Law's perspective, because Luffy is exactly what he needs: honest, kind, blunt, and so loving. He gives Law the chance to be better and show who he really is, he insists that "Torao is a good guy" despite his reputation of being cruel and terrible. This is the chance that I don't think Law even believed himself to deserve. He probably still struggles to accept that kindness, seeing that he's so determined to deny their friendship, even after proving many times in the past that he cares about Luffy, through his actions.

Their relationship intrigued me from the very start, but what really sealed the deal for me was (unsurprisingly) the Dressrosa arc. You can see very clearly there how much they mean to each other, in many different levels:

They have both seen each other at their worst moments, and yet neither of them ever took that vulnerability as a proof of weakness. Quite the opposite, they see the other's pure strength and power in their resilience, and choose to act as support for that strength. Law was there to save Luffy’s life in Marineford, when he didn’t have his crew at his side, and Luffy is also there in what’s probably the most climatic point of Law’s journey, taking down Doflamingo. Luffy has said it before, that he owes Law his life, but at this point Law is also seeing Luffy as a savior. He is the ray of hope he’s desperately needed all his life, and that’s why this moment specifically hits so hard for me:

Law knows he’s the one who “dragged Luffy into this fight”, even explicitly saying so himself. He tried to break the alliance in order to protect the Strawhats from Doflamingo, he feels responsible. But this scene here is much more than just basic decency or honor, this is him putting all of his trust in Luffy, allowing himself to have faith even if he says he doesn’t believe in anything anymore. This is so big for him that even Doflamingo notices, he seems surprised that Law can still trust someone so much. And he knows Law is important to Luffy too, which is why he mocks their friendship to rile Luffy up (see this post).

There is mutual trust, mutual understanding and mutual worry.

In this sense, I also really like the fact that they always stand as equals. Not only because they are both capitains of their own crews, meaning that there is no internal hierarchy between them, but also because that’s just how they treat each other. Even if they’re both kind of selfish and arrogant sometimes, they respect each other very deeply.

I don't know, I could go on for hours, I just think there's so much to say about their dynamics, they are so interesting together, the way they function as a duo is very unique within the series.

I will try to resist the urge to come back to this post to add more random thoughts because I don't want to be too intense :'') But thank you so much for this question, anon! ❤ I always love every opportunity I get to ramble about them!

#ask irene #anon #lawlu #lulaw #one piece #meta #I guess? this is analysis too in a way (???)#trafalgar law #monkey d. luffy #irene.ppt

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my-mt-heart · 7 months

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I apologize in advance for the rant that's coming your way. If you're seeing this and you're having a good day - you're welcome to skip it.

I'm tired of the whiplash.

Melissa comes back, and then there is a string of articles basically teasing there will be heavy-handed shipbaiting in S2. Then we get a BTS interview, and now there's more to be sad about.

What is the point if the good news is overshadowed every time?

I did not get into this show to "obsess" over superficial characters. I got into this show because of its heartfelt storylines and strong character arcs. Carol and Daryl helped me sift through some dark things in my life, which I am grateful for. It felt nice to root for something precious and one-of-a-kind and funnel hope into two characters who deserved to find their happy ending together. Most people I know are still here because they think these characters deserve better. Ya know what? Because sometimes the world is shite and some days it's hard to find hope. These characters bring hope. And the fans deserve respect (not talking about the ones who were sending hate to actors and/or their families).

The current showrunner, with his contradicting statements, has done nothing but make me feel anxious - even though some of what was said was positive. He has done nothing to win my trust. The contradictions make me think he either doesn't know what story he wants to tell or, worse, he doesn't understand the characters he's working with. If storylines keep getting overlooked, and characters are treated like shipbaiting devices - what's the point of S3?

I'm happy to have Melissa and Caryl back; she's why I have a bead of hope. Her input is the only one I trust at this point. But I have no excitement left to give, and now I have one foot out the door. Until I see something that helps me trust this show again, that won't change.

Bring me a showrunner who understands these characters deeply. Bring me a director who makes room for meaningful stories. Bring me writers who write complex storylines that dive into the psyches of these characters and show us why we fell for them in the first place.

And for the love of all that's good and holy -Bring me strong and powerful female and POC voices. Bonus points for both.

I'm tired of watching POC characters get turned into walker fodder or shipping devices. I refuse to invest in a show where the characters I fell in love with get treated with callousness and shoved into storylines that don't honor them.

I'll simply find something else worth my time. Because you see, I know that my value isn't intrinsically attached to this show and the direction it takes. Sorry about the rant. It's one of those days. Peace be with you.

You don’t have to apologize for how you’re feeling. Everything you said is completely valid and to be honest, it’s where I’m at as well. Having Melissa back is amazing, and I know she has input, but it feels like she and her fans are still being punished. The lead actor reduces us to “obsessed” parasocial shippers, the current showrunner doesn’t acknowledge we exist let alone understand what Carol’s/Daryl’s/Caryl’s story means to us, “The Book of Carol” is being left out of promos, that and Melissa’s name aren’t in the casting calls. How can I trust the show to honor a narrative about a woman beating the odds time and time again when business practices show the opposite? How can I subscribe to AMC+ for a show called "Daryl Dixon" knowing it represents white male privilege 🤷🏻‍♀️ We need leadership to not only give us the heartfelt storylines and deep character arcs that we want, but also to uphold our core values, to nurture, not insult, our intelligence, and to give the lead actress the respect she deserves. That's why I think Melissa should get to choose the new showrunner.

#caryl #carol peletier #melissa mcbride #darylneedscarol #the book of carol #twd caryl

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kiwixlime · 2 years

Text

Close to Your Chest

T is for Temptation

You deserve to give into temptation.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Fluff, flirting, teasing, smut, unprotected p-in-v, soft!Joel turned jealous!Joel, angst, ambiguous ending. I'm sorry if this is rushed, I just felt bad keeping it hostage in my drafts for so long. So I didn't edit as much as I should have lol.

Joel Miller is the most beautiful man you’ve ever met. Looking at him, you wouldn’t know that he’s actually gentle and kind with a warm heart and caring stares. He looks menacing up close, but you’ve had the honor and privilege to work side by side with him. And you know the truth.

Behind the rugged exterior, he’s soft and sweet with a voice like warm honey, soothing all your worries away. Well, with you, anyway. You’ve seen his darker side before, but he doesn’t bring that out around you anymore. He tries not to. He treats you like a princess, like you are the most precious thing in this world. And, oh, it makes you swoon.

Others have noticed your little dance with Joel. Those that know him, think it’s cute. The ones who fear him, however, think it’s crude of him to use you, thinking he’s selfish. But what they don’t know is that nothing has ever happened between the two of you. Not yet. He’s respectful, careful of whatever boundaries you have in place. And you are the same with him.

You know Joel’s been hurt in the past. You know he’s lost a lot and no matter how much time passes, that pain is still tender. Therefore, you don’t put any pressure on him or yourself. Something is blooming between you two, but you’re taking your time, nurturing it, and letting it grow.

Ellie’s annoyed at this game. She hates that Joel won’t make a move. And she’s furious with you for letting him get away with doing nothing. You’ve told her it takes time and that you’re happy just to be friends with him. She calls bullshit, though.

But you don’t mind. You enjoy his company. He’s always taking you for outings, knowing how much you love to be outside the walls. Sometimes, when he’s out with Ellie, he’ll get sidetracked looking for the perfect little spot to take you on a picnic. Ellie pretends to be disgusted, mocking him for being such a teddy bear with you. But deep down, she thinks it’s cute that he cares so much to do these little things for you.

“So where are you taking her this evening?” Ellie asks with a smug grin as she and Joel walk around town. He’s due for patrol in an hour or so and the girl won’t stop pestering him about his date. It’s the sundown shift, and he’s already thinking about showing you the sunset from the outpost with the spectacular view.

Joel chuckles, gently nudging the young girl in the shoulder. “It ain’t a date,” he drawls, scratching awkwardly at the back of his neck. “She’s just joining me on patrol tonight.”

Ellie rolls her eyes. “I know I’m young, but I’m not stupid,” she sighs. “When are you going to tell her how much you like her? It’s exhausting watching the two of you sometimes.”

“You don’t know what you’re talkin’ about, kiddo,” Joel says with a small smile. Deep down, he knows she’s right. He really should just be upfront with his feelings. But no matter how old he gets, dealing with these emotions never gets easier. A grown man having a crush. It’s just silly.

“You know her horse is out of commission, right?” Ellie snorts, wiggling her eyebrows at the old man. “Poor Sapphire is still healing. You gonna let her ride with you?”

Joel bites back a smile, impressed by Ellie’s persistence. He loves that she’s become quite the cheerleader for the two of you. It’s important to him that she’s comfortable with you, and with his relationship (or lack thereof) with you. First and foremost, her feelings matter. She’s still his daughter-figure after all.

“I will do what is necessary,” Joel clears his throat, stopping in his tracks as they approach the square. Ellie bumps into him, scrunching up her nose and rubbing her face in annoyance. She looks past Joel in the direction of where he’s staring, smiling when she sees you standing outside of the bar next to a group of your friends.

“Aw,” Ellie chuckles, stepping ahead of him. “How cute! You’re blushing.”

“I am not,” Joel grumbles, pushing her gently out of the way. “Go away.”

“Wow, rude!” Ellie huffs but leaves his side to go find Cat. Speaking of crushes… "Let me know how the date goes, old man!" She giggles as she bounces off in a different direction.

He watches her leave, frowning at her comments. "It's not a date," he mumbles to himself before drawing his gaze back to you.

You look pretty this evening. You always look pretty. But right now, as the golden sun begins to settle, you look like an angel wrapped in a champagne glow from the warm rays above. Joel has to catch his breath before approaching you, as you literally always find ways to leave him speechless.

If he wasn’t so comfortable around you, he’d be nervous to approach you in front of your friends. Hell, he’d be nervous to approach you in public at all. Luckily for him, you’re always welcoming and excited to see him. So he doesn’t hesitate walking towards you, mentally laughing at the way the girls around you squirm.

As he gets closer, you turn around, smiling brightly as he closes the distance between you. Behind you, your friends whisper. But you pay them no mind. You don’t care what they have to say, sure that it’s some smart remark about the older man. All you can focus on is Joel’s handsome face and the long strides he takes to get to you.

“Good evenin’,” he says with a grin, doing his best to ignore the snickers that come from behind you. It’s easy to do when he looks at you, lost in your glittering eyes and welcoming smile. Everything else just fades to black. “You about ready to head out?” He asks.

“Of course!” You chirp with excitement, your stomach twisting into knots. “I’m really looking forward to working with you tonight. I’ve never been out that far before… You’ll keep me safe, right?” You feel your cheeks bloom with warmth as the words leave your lips. Maybe that last bit was unnecessary. But you’ve flirted with him before. It’s no big deal.

“Of course, I will,” he smiles and it’s affectionate, sweet enough to melt your heart. He notices the flush on your face, admitting to himself that he wants to make you glow like that more often. Despite ignoring Ellie’s playfulness earlier, he does have a plan brewing in his mind. One he hopes you’ll be comfortable with. One that might make you swoon again. “You, uh,” he begins with a stutter. “Will you be okay with sharin’ a horse with me?”

“Oh,” you frown as you think about poor Sapphire recovering from her injuries of the last patrol. At least she’s okay, just needs some healing time. And, okay, you’re a little thrilled to be riding with Joel, being that close to him. “It’s not a problem at all!” You beam.

“Great!” He says a little too excitedly, but you find it charming. He’s so cute when he’s flustered. “Do you need to wrap anything up here? If not, we can head out early. Maybe we’ll have time to catch the sunset.”

“That sounds amazing,” you muse as butterflies swarm your stomach. “Just let me say bye to my friends and I’ll meet you at the gate?”

“See ya there, darlin’,” he says, then waves to your childish friends. “Ladies, a pleasure as always.”

The giggles erupt behind you and you roll your eyes at their naivety. “Will you guys behave?” You ask, glaring at them. “You’re so immature.”

“We are not!” One of them chuckles, hand to her chest. “How are you not a mess? He’s so intimidating!”

“And handsome,” another adds, making you sneer.

“Yes,” they all nod in agreement.

You huff, knowing there’s no getting through to them. And it would simply be a waste of breath to try. “I’m leaving now,” you insist, totally ignoring their teasing. “Try to stay out of trouble, will ya?”

“You try,” your friends giggle. “You’re the one going out with a hot man. A romantic ride at sunset? Please.”

“Oh my god, goodbye!” You shout, leaving them behind as you quickly make your way to the front gate. They mean well, but they’re so annoying. And whether they know it or not, they’re fucking with your head.

You’ve been anticipating this patrol with Joel for a while now. And like always, you’ve managed to build it up in your head way too much. The comments of your friends, the teasing, it’s all making you queasy. But you can’t back out. This is what you’ve been waiting for. More one-on-one time.

Usually, your outings are short and sweet. This is the first time you’ll be heading a ways out from camp and you feel safe that it’s with Joel. But you’re also anxious. Anything could happen on this little adventure, right? Being truly alone together… Maybe you’ll find the confidence you’ve been searching for.

A chill breezes through the air, making you tug your light jacket closer to your frame. For a second, you consider heading back to your place to grab something heavier, knowing that as the sun continues to go down, the temperature will drop. But you decide against it in case Joel’s already waiting for you at the gate. You really don’t want to keep him waiting any longer.

So you wrap your arms around yourself, keeping your body heat close. When you arrive at the entrance, your insides begin to warm as well. The man who has a firm grasp on your heart stands there, a genuine smile on his face as he speaks to one of the female guards. It’s almost funny how he seems to make all the ladies in town go weak, you included. But he’s such a gentleman. And he’s never pursued anyone. Not really.

You approach the pair, letting out a soft cough to announce your presence. Joel recognizes your voice easily, his attention shifting to you in an instant. The pretty smile he wears grows wider as you get closer and the female guard respectfully steps back, giving you two space and opening the gates alongside her partner.

Joel extends his hand, pulling you forward to help you up onto the horse. “Why, thank you, sir,” you chuckle, trying to hide the giddiness in your voice. He beams up at you before joining you.

“Don’t be afraid to hold on tight,” he says, referring to the way your trembling hands rest at your sides. “I know it’s not the most comfortable, but it’ll have to do for now.” You nod silently, body tensing as he situates himself into a steadier position.

Letting out a shaky gasp, you wrap your arms around his middle, breathing in the scent of wood carvings and pine needles. The essence eases your jumbling nerves and you feel yourself relaxing against him. You’ve been close to Joel, of course, you have, but this intimate. This is the comfort you’ve been craving.

What you don’t know is that Joel feels the same way. The moment your arms stretched around him, his stomach flipped. The warmth of you surrounding him is pleasant, a feeling he could get used to.

As he signals for the gates to part, you sigh and wonder if he can feel your heartbeat against his back. You can certainly feel it taking over the rest of your body, worried it might actually beat out of its cage. But you can’t help the way it reacts to Joel’s presence, or his scent, or his warmth.

“Ready, darlin’?” He questions, tilting his head back. You smile and nod, firmly holding onto him. He ignores the lump in his throat and confidently heads out, waving goodbye to the crew around you.

For the most part, you ride in mostly silence. Every once in a while Joel will whistle a tune or point out the wildlife that hides behind the trees. It’s nice, peaceful, and you find contentment in resting your head against his back, just listening to him hum or talk.

After the first checkpoint, as you and Joel ride along the stream of the creek, he starts talking about the moment he realized how important Ellie was to him. You’ve heard the brief story from both of them, but they’ve never gone into detail. But as Joel tells you about this guy named David and everything Ellie had to endure, you see a whole new side to him. He tells you he’s made some mistakes, he’s done things he wished he could take back, but you can hear in his words, feel it in the way his muscles tense - he truly loves that girl. And it makes you fall even harder for him.

“You have a great relationship with her,” you say quietly, respecting the serenity of the moment. “She respects you, I can tell.”

“Yeah,” he frowns, momentarily flipping through his memories. There’s so much he would change. But it’s too late for that. “She’s a good kid,” he sighs.

His tone changes, but you decide it’s best to not push and instead take in your surroundings. You notice you’re a bit off course as you can no longer see, or hear, the babbling of the creek anymore and instead see a clearing just beyond the trees. You don’t question the direction, just go along trusting Joel. He knows what he’s doing.

When the horse comes to a stop, you look over Joel’s shoulder and let out a gasp followed by you quickly dismounting from the animal. He chuckles at your excitement, following your actions by jumping down from the horse and guiding her along behind you. Just ahead is a slight cliff for you to look out from, and the view in front of you is breathtaking.

You can see all of Jackson from this little spot, and watch how the sun sets behind the walls and through the clouds. The lights from the town twinkle on as it livens up for the night, parting with the day. Everything around it looks delicate, like a painting, and you’re so thankful Joel brought you here.

Sometimes you forget that this world still has beauty in it. You’ve seen firsthand what humans can do to each other. You’ve witnessed enough carnage and bloodshed to last you a lifetime. But this right here. This picturesque dreamy view strikes something within you that you feared died a long time ago.

At that moment, your eyes flick over to Joel. He’s staring, taking in the scenery as you were. And you can’t help but examine him, the way his lips slowly tug into a smile, or the flecks of gold swimming in his eyes sets your heart ablaze.

He lets out a content sigh and turns to look at you, shocked when he finds you already staring at him. You look away quickly, hiding the blush that threatens to give you away. The urge to reach out and touch is strong. It’s practically all he can think about. And this moment is perfect. Oh, what the hell?

You jump when you feel Joel’s hand reach for yours, but you relax as your fingers lace together. He tugs you closer, forcing you to look at him even though your cheeks are burning. It’s okay. His are, too. You can see the pink dusting his face and you think this is it. This is the moment your relationship changes.

“Sweetheart,” is all Joel can get out before you’re both on high alert. From the branches, there’s a deep growl that causes you to tear your hand from Joel’s and find the source. Just behind where you stand together, a stray infected comes stumbling out through the leaves. Its dead eyes set on you, lunging at your paralyzed body. On instinct, you reach for your weapon, shaky hands barely grasping the handle of your blade. Joel pushes you out of the way quickly, plunging his knife through the creature’s decaying skull before it can touch you.

You’re breathing hard as you fall back against the rocks, hand over your beating heart. Joel is panicking, retracting his knife from the now dead body before rushing over to tend to you. Your nerves are shot at this point.

“Sweetheart, are you okay?” He asks as he holds your face in his hands. You nod, but his face still holds concern, touching your cheeks, your neck, and your arms for any signs of injury.

“I’m o-okay,” you whimper, pushing yourself into a stronger stance. “Just shaken up,” you admit.

“Fuck,” he laments as the fear pumps through his veins. He’s still scared, thinking about what might have happened if he was a fraction of a second too late.

He kisses you. It’s harsh, and nearly knocks you off your feet, but it’s tender. His lips mold to yours perfectly and you lose yourself in the adrenaline, kissing him back with just as much force. Your head spins with shock and wonder, you almost miss the words he speaks against your lips.

“Let me take you home,” he pleads and you kiss him in response.

Your back is flush against Joel’s mattress. He’s hovering over you, kissing your lips soft and slow unlike before. You’ve finally given in to temptation. And you have to say, as his hands pin yours to the bed with such strength, you have no regrets. His fingers lace with yours, holding you tight afraid he might lose you even though you’re safe in his sheets. But his mind keeps flashing back to that moment outside. The moment he almost lost you.

It’s like you can feel his worries against his lips. So you kiss him back with overwhelming emotion, whimpering softly into his mouth, moaning when his tongue meets yours. It’s a warm and passionate kiss that shoots shivers up your spine. It’s been a long time since your body has felt this loved and you’re coming undone quickly.

Joel moves from your lips and kisses down your cheek, to your neck, nuzzling his face into the warmth of your body. His breath is hot as his lips graze your soft skin, goosebumps forming in his wake. And his beard tickles you, making you laugh lightly. You were never attracted to guys with facial hair until you met him.

“Joel,” you whisper his name through faint breaths. His head spins at your noises, loving the way his name falls from your pretty lips. He has to kiss you again, squeezing your hands tightly in his, capturing your bottom lip between his teeth before swallowing your delicate moans.

He grunts as you wiggle beneath him, an erotic sound you’ve never heard before. Eager to move things along, you free your hands from his and slide your trembling arms over his bare shoulders. The weight of his body increases on top of you as you gently scratch your nails over his skin.

“Baby,” he groans at the feeling of you digging your nails into him. It’s hot, especially coming from you. He kisses you harder, dragging his fingers down the front of your stomach, making you shiver. He smiles against your lips as he feels your belly twitch under his touch. “So perfect,” he whispers.

Arching your back, you let out the prettiest sound he’s ever heard, spreading your legs, inviting him in. Your noises are all the encouragement he needs to slip a finger into you. You almost shy away at the intrusion. Not having been touched by a man in some time has made you nervous. But this is Joel and you trust him. And he’s sweet, kissing your nose to comfort you.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” he assures you, gingerly dragging his finger up your slit. “You’re doing so good for me, baby. Just relax. Let me make you feel good.” The way his deep voice fills your ears makes you shudder with want. He dips his finger past your folds, curling it inside of you to pull out an adorable squeak from your throat. “Good girl,” he praises.

“M-more,” you stutter, looking up at him with pleading eyes. “Please, Joel,” you nod. He smiles down at you. You don’t ever have to beg for him. He will give you everything you ask for. As his lips find yours again, he slides a second finger into you, stretching you nice and slow, preparing your tight heat for him.

Your mind goes foggy, drunk off the feeling of Joel’s fingers filling you up. He’s pumping them in and out of you, a sensation you’ve only ever dreamed of. But right now, it’s real. It’s happening. He’s brushing his slender digits against your walls, pressing against spots you didn’t even know made you moan like that. He kisses wherever he can, dragging his teeth down your neck and then biting at your chest, sucking pretty purple bruises into your flesh, and reveling in your melodic sounds.

God, you want him. You need him. Wiggling beneath him, you signal to him that he can continue, craving more of his touch, craving him inside of you. He’s so perfect. Everything about him turns you on. Your hands begin to wander and glide across his chest. Your fingers touch the scars that litter his body, softly tracing over each bump.

He falters for a moment, fingers slipping from your wet pussy as his mind short circuits. He’s not used to such soft touches. Looking at you, something inside of him cracks, joyful feelings leaking into him. All this time, you’re the one he’s been searching for. He’s certain of that now.

“Joel, I need you,” you whimper, gliding your hands up to his shoulders. “Please. I need to feel you inside of me.”

“Fuck, baby,” he groans, wrapping his fingers around his hard cock. He pumps himself a few times, and you watch with lust-filled eyes, mouth watering at the sight. When he’s ready, he looks at you, searching for any hesitation. When he finds none, he slides into you, moaning immediately as your heat surrounds him.

“Oh, god, Joel,” you mewl, lifting your hips up to meet his. His thick cock inches into you slowly, taking his time to make sure you feel safe, comfortable. A burning heat surges through your bloodstream. You’re not sure if it’s the intense emotions in your heart or the feeling of him inside of you, but being this close to him ignites your soul. You’ve truly never felt like this before.

Joel thrusts into you. And the way his body moves against yours is sinful. He fits you perfectly, and he knows exactly what to do to make you feel good.

“God damn,” he murmurs in your ear, bracing himself on top of you. His head is lost in the clouds as he drinks in this moment. You smell like sugar and you taste even sweeter when he kisses you. He can’t get over how beautiful you are, how lovely you sound. Each gasp or touch from you goes straight to his heart. “That’s it, sweetheart. Take it just like that.”

All of those emotions he feels have him increasing his speed, thrusting into you harder, deeper, and giving you everything he has. And you welcome it, pushing yourself against him, clawing at his back as he reaches those pleasurable spots inside of you, holding him close.

You let out noises of pleasure, running your hand through his hair and tugging just to hear him groan. Your lips meet his in sloppy kisses as you greedily clench your slick walls around his cock. “Faster, Joel,” you breathe.

You think back to the last person you were with. Each time with him was nice, good. And you hate to compare. But with Joel, you feel alive for the first time. Being with him feels so right. You haven’t felt this safe, this cherished since before you came to Jackson.

It’s not fair, but your mind briefly drifts to Noah, the man you loved before Joel. You never thought you’d find that kind of passion again, but Joel is everything. Joel is more. You’re falling for him. Hard.

“Feel so good, baby,” Joel hums, breaking you from the thoughts of your past life and bringing you back to the present with him. His hands grip you by the waist, pinning you to the bed as he pushes into you. Your eyes meet his and it’s such an intimate moment, you feel your climax rising. “So fuckin’ good,” he utters again. “I love being inside of you.”

Your eyes roll back at his admission, your legs wrapping around him and drawing him closer. His deep voice soothes your aches and touches on those lewd desires that swarm your insides. “Make me feel so good, Joel,” you whimper. “Fuck, I’m close already,” you whine in frustration.

“It’s okay,” he coos, picking up speed. “I’m close, too.” He smiles at you and your heart swells. “I’ve wanted this for so long, sweetheart,” he admits. “We have all the time in the world. Go ahead, cum for me, baby. Please, cum for me.”

His words, his tone, it’s all enough to invoke those lustful needs, drawing you to the edge. Joel reaches between your sweaty bodies, moving his lips to your neck as he rubs his fingers over your swollen clit. Your toes curl, and your eyes screw shut. Your breathing turns into pants and you cum, moaning Joel’s name and writhing under his firm body.

Watching you unravel because of him sets him off. He pulls out of you with a hiss, positioning himself over your stomach. Your hand takes over his, pumping his dick quickly until he’s shooting his seed across your skin.

He collapses next to you, trying to catch his breath. You laugh and roll over, laying your head against his chest. “That was quick,” you say with a giggle.

He makes a sound of offense but joins in on your laughter. “We’ll just have to build our stamina, yeah?”

You nod, unable to wipe the smile off your face. “All the time in the world, right?”

Months pass by and you and Joel are happier than ever. After that night with him, you’ve become inseparable. It’s sickly sweet to everyone around you. But… you love him. And he loves you.

For once, life is actually good. No, better than good. Almost perfect.

And Ellie is thrilled. When you broke the news to her, she couldn’t stop yelling (with joy, of course). She kept telling you it was about time and how proud she was of Joel for finally acknowledging his feelings. And she welcomed you into their little family. You belong.

Today is a day when Tommy and Maria are hosting a town meeting. You were informed sometime last week that some newcomers had made it to town. And they spent the last few days being examined and vetted. Today was going to be the introduction for those who had decided to stay.

You were anxious for new people to arrive, but only because you were intrigued. Your relationship with Joel is solid. You know nothing and no one can come between you. But new faces around time always leave a sour feeling in your stomach.

As you sit next to Joel, you can’t help that your leg bounces in anticipation. He squeezes your hand and gives your knuckles a kiss to tell you it’s okay. “Don’t worry, sweetheart,” he says to you. “I doubt we’ll even spend much time with these people. Jackson is getting bigger. And I would never let anyone hurt you.”

“I know,” you grin, kissing his cheek. “But still…”

Tommy gets up from his seat and ushers in a new group of faces and you and Joel decide to pay attention. Joel’s somewhat of a leader himself. And since everyone knows you’re dating him now, they associate you with leadership, too. You know you’ll have to learn the names of these newbies at least.

The group is small as they make their way through the crowds, introducing themselves to the other residents. It’s kind of like a mixer of sorts, which is weird, but nice at the same time. You know how difficult it can be to meet new people. This will help the newcomers fit in. And as you scan their faces, you think it won’t be so bad.

That is until you spot a tall man rushing in, smiling awkwardly for being late. Your stomach drops as you recognize his face. Time slows and you find yourself letting go of Joel’s hand to stand up and walk across the room, taking baby steps.

“Noah,” you whisper, eyes wide and mortified. All this time you thought he was dead.

Joel walks up next to you, tilting his head in confusion as he watches you gawk at this mystery man. He puts a hand on your shoulder, but you can’t feel it. You can only stare in shock.

To your horror, Noah heard you, and he turns, his smile beaming when he sees you. He looks just as awestruck as you feel. But there’s genuine joy in his eyes as he takes you in.

“Is that my angel?” He gushes with excitement, running towards you, ignoring the curious looks of everyone else. You don’t know what to do as he charges at you.

In seconds, he throws his arms around you, hugging you tightly. You’re stunned, unable to process. Your body is stiff as your brain tries to piece together the events that have happened in the last few minutes. Fuck, you’re going to faint.

And you’re not the only one stunned to silence. Joel stands by, silently seething as he observes what’s happening in front of him. You’ve mentioned this man before. Noah, as in, your ex. The one who was supposed to be dead. The one you grieved for when you first arrived in Jackson.

“Oh, angel,” Noah says, cupping your face in his hands. Your stomach shifts the nickname. No one’s called you that in so long. You can’t decide if it’s nice to hear or if it makes you sick.

“I thought…” You say, still shocked. You can’t do this right now. You can’t speak. Words won’t work.

“I made it out,” he laughs, answering your question. “I looked for you everywhere. Oh, fuck, angel. I never stopped looking. I knew you were alive. I just knew it!”

He moves in to kiss you, make up for lost time, but you turn your head, dodging his lips. And that’s when you see Joel. Your heart sinks at the hurt on his face. You want to reach out and touch him, let him know it’s okay. But you can’t move.

Noah steps back and frowns at your actions. He knows it’s been a while, but he’s been waiting for this moment forever. You aren’t even looking at him. So he follows your gaze to the man next to you. He looks between you and Joel with confusion. You feel yourself get queasy.

Maybe you shouldn't have given in to temptation.

Masterlist

Joel Miller Taglist: @swtaura - @chxpsi - @extraneous-trip - @cerebellam - @tiredbeebo - @kirsteng42 - @trickstersp8 - @detectivebarba

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I find these graphics @firefly-graphics

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