#and I have not watched the last season yet because I like to save 'comfort shows' for a time I will need the embrace

[canadachronicles]

I miss these gals so much!

#and I have not watched the last season yet because I like to save 'comfort shows' for a time I will need the embrace #and also I'm not ready to say goodbye #it's been two years but I'm not ready yet #(I haven't farewelled the Kims yet either!) #Frankie Drake Mysteries #Frankie Drake #Trudie Clarke #Mary Shaw #Flo Chakowitz #Lauren Lee Smith #Chantel Riley #Rebecca Liddiard #Sharron Matthews #FBF #Flashback Friday #Canadian Television #Canadian TV #CBC #Canadian Broadcasting Corporation #Canadian Broadcasting Company #Canadian Instagram #Canada Chronicles

[shantechni]

Leo the Leader vs Leo the Learner

I know almost every iteration of TMNT emphasizes that the boys cannot properly function as a team without everyone there, especially without their fearless leader.

In terms of cartoons and movies though (as much as I've had time to watch/rewatch), the '03 and '12 series are my personal favorites, with Rise and MM tying for a very close second, because they both acknowledge issues in the team that the characters work to fix. '03 Leo and '12 Leo both struggle to lead the team at significant points in their respective stories, but the manner in which they struggle and what they struggle with differentiate, in a good way mind you.

In the 2003 series, the very first episode opens with Leo already being in the leading position as he tries to keep his brothers from going off script or doing something irreparable while they work to find Splinter. And when they do eventually find themselves in trouble, he's the one to lead them through it and make it back to Splinter in one piece. We see this formula more or less repeat for almost three seasons with a few different variables to spice things up; the brothers look to Leo for guidance, think of a plan of action with their combined efforts, and go from there.

Until the S3 finale.

The boys had times where they wondered if they'd make it out alive, but this was the first where it genuinely seemed like the end for their little family, and Leo could do nothing but watch as they execute their plan to blow up with the starship.

Of course they survive, otherwise we wouldn't have another four seasons💀but that short amount of time was more than enough to scar Leo, physically and emotionally. When he begins closing himself off from everyone, April's the only one to get him to open up and he lays it all out: He feels like a failure of a leader. He wasn't strong enough to protect his family or stop the Shredder, their last resort was going out with a bang, and they had to be saved by the Utroms. It doesn't feel like they won and he doesn't feel like he accomplished anything.

His fears and frustrations manifest into an ever present anger, slowly going from cold to hot, that chooses its target at random. His brothers don't know what to do since they don't seem to know why Leo's behaving this way, nor have they ever seen him like this. And dear Mikey says something that so accurately sums up their team: "...it can’t be fun always being the responsible one, and we’re the ones who really benefit. Raph’s free to not think ‘cause Leo does all the thinking for him. Don’s free to dream, and I’m free to take it easy, all ‘cause Leonardo is busy being responsible enough for all of us."

Mikey knows Leo is cracking under the pressure of his role partly because they've become so comfortable in their own roles, and no one refutes him. They didn't intend for Leo to translate this dynamic into, "everything is on you," but that's how it inevitably turned out over time. One could even argue that them not knowing how to handle this new Leonardo is yet another downside to them getting too comfortable, and it doesn't help that Splinter is the only one (aside from Usagi on one instance) who attempts to help Leo, even when the young turtle is pushing him away.

Things finally boil over when Leo pushes a little too hard though and harms Splinter during training, a regrettable action that clears away the steely air he had around himself for so long.

It's not until Splinter sends him off to see the Ancient One that Leo finally pulls himself out of that bubble of negativity and he accepts that there was nothing more he could've done in their final fight against the Shredder.

He did all that he could, and he can continue doing all that he can for his family.

In a weird way, Karai's violent eviction notice was exactly what everyone needed.

Leo was told his family likely hadn't survived the attack, something he'd spent countless days trying to prevent through relentless training, but he believed they were okay and ultimately found them alive. He wasn't there to protect them, but he sees for himself that they made it out without his help, and this was also a learning experience for the others if you think about it. They've already been shown to be capable of handling situations on their own or in pairs, but this was the first time they had to deal with a huge confrontation as a team without the comfort of their leader behind their shells.

Raph is the one who takes the helm for a brief few seconds and dishes out instructions amid the chaos, telling everyone to split up, find their way out and meet back up on the surface, with one last demand for them to be careful. And when Leo finds him, his distress is palpable; he couldn't find the others and therefore had no idea if they were okay, let alone alive, while he kept himself hidden from Karai's forces. Before this, we see that Raph is willing to make his own plan of action in this series' version of City at War when he doesn't go with Leo's word. But this time, in Leo's absence, we see he's willing to fill in as leader when the situation calls for it, and he realizes he isn't quite cut out for leadership like Leo.

We don't see any significant shift in team dynamics after this, mainly because Leo's inner turmoil from their fight with the Shredder is what caused problems with the team in the first place, but that goes to show that outside influences are what gave birth to the team conflict. Despite me pointing out earlier how Leo shoulders quite a bit not just because of his role but because of his brothers' roles as well, we can see throughout the series that Leo doesn't buckle from the pressure until they're in a situation where he can't effectively perform his role to his satisfaction.

As I mentioned in the beginning, Leo had been a leader in essence and in name for many years before their first home was raided by the Mousers. It makes perfect sense for him and his brothers to be accustomed to it by now.

2012 Leonardo is not used to being a leader. He may undeniably be a leader in essence, and had the drive and desire to be one, but he definitely wasn't a leader in name. The very first episode doesn't even open up with Leo being a leader, let alone with the turtles being a team. Their first time fighting together is a train wreck, and rather than Leo's strong sense of ethics and honor being the catalyst for his recruitment (not at first at least), it's the beginning of their long battle against the Kraang that convinces Splinter to officially deem him the leader of a newly formed team.

Being leader doesn't automatically mean the team will follow or respect you, which is something Leo learns right away thanks to his brothers, with Raph in particular challenging him when they butt heads over their opposing plans and ideals. It's touched upon in Rise of the Turtles Part 2, but Raph's desire to lead isn't a major plot device until New Girl in Town where he gets a taste of how Leo feels everytime he's responsible for his brothers and their wellbeing. However, Raph makes it known that even though he's resigned himself to not being the leader, he still doesn't like being told what or how to do something. Even Donnie challenges Leo when they can't agree on the best course of action in preparation for the Kraang, but Donnie realizes arguing was pointless as the invasion begins without warning and makes the idea of a second base the more favorable option.

His brothers aren't his only test of will though, as there are a handful of times where Leo questions his ability to lead and wonders if Splinter chose the right turtle for the job. Throughout all of that though, the boys ultimately rely on Leo and follow his lead when all is said and done.

Where this Leo truly differs from '03 Leo is that he not only struggles with leading a team that isn't so keen on being led, but he also struggles to grasp that he leads a team.

There are many times in the series where Leo runs off on his own or makes the decision to tackle something himself rather than with help, and that's not out of the norm, especially in comparison to his own brothers and '03 Leo. The problem is that '12 Leo's solo decision making more often than not leads to trouble (we all know the tale of him trying to turn Karai to the good side without informing the team about her). One of the first major examples of this though was in the S1 finale when he takes Splinter's words a little too close to heart and gives his brothers the scare of their life. Granted, him holding back Kraang Prime kept it on the sinking Technodrome, but you get what I'm saying.

His family actively calls him out on this behavior on two separate occasions during S4.

After they'd spent six months with the Fugatoid fighting the Triceratons and racing to collect every piece of the black hole generator before them, Fugatoid reveals that he was the one who made the world ending device, a reveal that lights a flame of betrayal in everyone, especially Raph and Leo. Believing that they're being used by Fugatoid, Leo rides off in a stealth ship on his own and nearly gets himself killed, a move that has his brothers scolding him, with Raph being the most vocal about Leo's idiotic decision: "Leaders are called leaders because they're supposed to lead a TEAM!"

The moment isn't lingered upon for long, but they all make it clear that they're tired of Leo's one man missions. They're a team, so they should plan and function like one.

Then, in Broken Foot, Leo starts doing missions with Karai and Shinigami in secret to aid them in taking revenge against the Shredder, but, in an attempt to find out what Leo was hiding from them, the other turtles get caught up in their plans and Donnie gets hurt. Leo immediately abandons Karai (who later apologizes for what happened) and Shinigami to check on them and come clean.

He explains to Splinter later on that he didn't fill anyone in on the situation at first because he knew no one would've agreed to help Karai get revenge, and he acknowledges that it was stupid of him to think he could control the situation. Splinter expresses his disappointment, and April reprimands him for once again not trusting his own team enough for them to help him.

Leo apologizes to Raph and Mikey afterwards, even going so far to say he probably doesn't deserve to lead the team after this, something Raph just harumphs at while Mikey remains silent. He pleads for their help in stopping and eventually aiding Karai and Shinigami, and they go along with him to fix things as a team.

We no longer get any one man missions from Leo in S5 (there surprisingly weren't any in S3 lol), likely for a whole list of reasons ranging from leading in Splinter's absence to learning from his mistakes over time. But he makes sure that whatever they have to do gets done together, and he does his best to keep his brothers in line.

I suppose one could say that '03 Leo remembered what it meant to be a leader, while '12 Leo discovered what it meant to lead.

#tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt 2003 #tmnt 2012 #tmnt 2k3 #tmnt 2k12 #tmnt leonardo #tmnt leo #2003 leo #2012 leo #analysis

[footballxixstars]

Injured Girl • Mason Mount

Request: Hey, I was wondering if I could request an imagine where you’re dating mason mount, and when at a training session you and Christian are messing around, and then Christian dislocates your shoulder and mason comforts you and then goes all protective and looks after you after you’ve been drugged

The season wasn’t going to plan for Chelsea at all and nobody could say why. They had a good season last season. They were third behind strong Manchester City and Liverpool sides and yes they lost some players at the start of the season due to either them leaving or through various injuries. Obviously, they had brought some incredible new players too but something wasn’t clicking causing them to drop some crucial points. For god's sake they were battling to stay top half of the table and that should never be happening considering the players they have and the money spent.

Graham Potter was at a complete loss for what to do. He has made them train harder and more but that didn’t work. He had given them a longer break away from training but that didn’t work. He spent more time talking about tactics and using them more in training but that didn’t work. He had to find a way to motivate them all. That’s when the idea came to him- a family day. If he throws a family day at the training ground after training maybe just maybe it’ll get them relaxed and more motivated. Either that or a training camp where they are unable to see friends and family. It would be a risk but a risk that is needed and that he is willing to take.

When Mason first heard of the family day he was quite shocked that it was happening considering the performance issues with the team. He wasn’t going to complain though. Since you were dating Mason he begged you to go along with him, not that he had to beg you but it was entertaining to see. Thankfully and luckily it was your day off anyway and you had nothing planned so you were able to tag along with no issues. It would be nice to see some of his teammates and their partners since you hadn’t seen a lot of them for a while or at all. Work had been a bitch meaning you were working long hours and unable to go to any of Mason's games. It would be a nice day out.

When the day came you went to training along with Mason just because it was so much easier as you’ll only have to take one car and saves you money from having to use public transport. The team and coaches didn’t mind you watching the initial training session considering a lot of the families were doing the same thing. If you were honest you weren’t really watching the training session as you were chatting to the other partners and even playing with some of the children to keep them entertained so they don’t run onto the training pitch yet. It was actually nice to see the kids' faces light up when they saw their parents on the pitch. Obviously you also kept one eye on Mason knowing he would complain if you didn’t watch him at all.

As soon as the training session was over Potter called out, finally allowing the children to go onto the pitch to play. Whilst they did you just stayed in your seat as Mason interacted with some of the children. It was adorable to see however it wasn’t long until he made his way over to you. He had this stupid grin on his face so you just knew that he was going to ask you for something or to do something.

“Come play,” Mason asked already dragging you so you couldn’t say no. Not that you would’ve anyway. He grabbed a ball and started doing tricks and dribbling it around whilst you tried to get it and when you did he would attempt to get it back. The two of you did this for a while just giggling like teenagers the whole time. Some of his teammates and the children joined in but it was still fun. Eventually Mason went to sit down so you were playing alone with Christian Pulisic. Not that you minded. Christian was one of your good friends so it's always fun to be around him plus the two of you mess around a lot together. People say that the two of you together is a dangerous matter.

Mason sat to the side watching you and Christian mess about together and when he knew that you were alright he turned to Ben and Kai to talk to them. He knew that you were an adult and could take care of yourself but still, he brought you here so he felt the need to make sure that you are alright. Unfortunately for Mason when he was talking to Ben and Kai, when his eyes were off of you, that’s when the accident occurred. One minute he was talking to them and then the next he heard a scream and Christian shouting something that cannot be repeated with children around. Mason didn’t even take a second to take anything in. He just cut off the conversation without finishing his sentence and sprinted over to you. He never runs that fast on the football pitch.

When he got over to you he saw you sitting on the floor clutching your shoulder and with one look at it he could see the problem. Your shoulder was definitely not in the place where it should be. You had dislocated it. Understandably your face was scrunched up in pain and Mason felt hopeless since he knew there was nothing he could do for you to lower the pain. It needs to be popped back into place and only medical staff could do that and thankfully Kai had run over to get them. Mason meanwhile had kneeled in front of you and placed a comforting hand against your cheek not wanting to move you at all knowing that if he jostles you at all you would be in tremendous amounts of pain. Even more than you are currently in. You were in pain and he hated not being able to do anything to get you out of it. A comforting hand was the most that he could do for you right now.

At first you were in shock from the sudden intense pain that was running through your body. Everything around you was a blur but when you came to it you felt Mason’s warm hand pressed against your cheek before you realised that he was kneeling in front of you. He must have been saying something to you as well because his lips were moving but unfortunately you were unable to concentrate on them because of the pain. Thinking about it you could do with some pain meds or something because the pain is getting unbearable. Like your mind could be read - the medics were in front of you.

Mason had to watch as the medics asked you some questions. Thankfully you were now coherent enough with Mason or Christian butting in occasionally, especially when asked what happened. Once the medics had their questions answered Mason thought that it would be best to get everyone away from you. Especially Christian. If Mason has his way Christian will be going nowhere near you again since he was the one to cause the pain.

“We’ve given her a penthrox inhaler which has some methoxyflurane gas in it which should help with the pain whilst we move here and pop it back into place,” One of the medics said once everyone had been moved away. Mason nodded and relaxed a bit when he heard that you were given pain medication but he knew that the biggest amount of pain was yet to come. Mason knows that he has to remain calm for you.

Mason watched and walked with the medics as they helped you to get inside away from everybody. The pain medicine had finally kicked in so although you were still in pain it was now bearable however because of it you were a babbling mess. A babbling mess spilling absolute nonsense and because you were still sort of around his teammates they could hear what you were saying and were laughing. Wanting to mainly focus on you Mason just glared at them hoping that they got the warning but obviously they didn’t and continued to listen and laugh. Wanting to protect you he hurried you inside knowing that you will be embarrassed about all of this when you are aware of what has happened. He doesn’t want you to be embarrassed by all of this so he will try to protect you from it.

“I’ll look after you,” Mason said softly as you sat down waiting for your arm to be put back into place. He will look after you until you get better.

———

MASTERLIST | MORE MOUNT

#mason mount #mason mount one shots #mason mount one shot #mason mount oneshots #mason mount oneshot #mason mount imagines #mason mount imagine #mason mount x reader #football one shots #football one shot #football oneshots #football oneshot #footballer one shots #footballer one shot #footballer oneshots #footballer oneshot #football imagines #football imagine #footballer imagine #footballer imagines

[cirusthecitrus]

Horde Prime's body language and mannerisms part 1/3

T posing, head shaking and manspreading

I was always facinated with the way Prime moves and handles himself, but ever since I got officially obsessed with this character I began to notice more and more interesting quirks and signature Prime gestures - there are just so many. And now I'm going to (over)analyse them all!

1. Hands behind the back

Lets start with the classic "well mannered/disciplined character" pose

It really suits his whole character and even makes Prime look like he's always plotting something (which he does). And it shows that HP clearly watches his posture and I'm glad he does like damn my man has such a good posture

Also, I now have a theory that Prime keeps his arms behind his back so no one can see him fidgeting with his hands and fingers. Or he hides them in a way to restrain himself from touching everything he sees (I just cant help but to headcanon Horde Prime as a kinesthetic person who learns through touch and feeling)

2. Crossed legs

It's giving slut, its giving bad bitch, its giving if only I cared hon uwu and I love it

The way he sits shows just how comfortable he feels on his throne and in his role as an emperor - he's right where he thinks he belongs. In his case crossed legs also indicate that Prime feels confident and in control. Even when Adora sees him during this whole vessel maintenance process, even when Catra turned against him, even when he was visiting the Fright Zone and sitting on Hordak's throne, even when a rebellion sparks on other occupied planets

And yeah, sometimes the emphasis on his legs is so obvious that it looks very fanservice-y, but not that I mind that >:}

Eventually u get so used to him sitting like this that when Prime doesnt cross his legs it feels wrong and scandalous lol

But this only happened like 3 times. And I think he only changes his pose when he needs to concentrate (like when he searches through someone's memories) or when he feels like he's losing control (like when he felt enraged after She-Ra and co escaped the Velvet Glove)

Though I cant explain why he manspreads in the last screenshot, its from Save the Cat and I have no idea why'd he do that, it feels so wrong pls make him stop I'm scared

3. The iconic Prime pose

He's actual signature pose that really fits his character. It's dramatic, it has some similarities with irl holy/religious imagery, it makes Prime look like he's taking even more space, and it kinda reminds me of the way peacocks show off their tails :)

Gotta mention that when he doesnt do "the pose" Prime is still doing something with his arms and posing almost thetrically, which is again, right on brand for him

3. The 👉👈

At first I didnt want to include this one cause I thought it was just an insignificant silly gesture he only does once, but then I actually caught Prime doing it again!

Then I've noticed that Prime often does this thing when he folds his hands in various ways, kinda forming a shape of a rhomb/diamond? The same as the one on the Horde emblem?

My main point is that HP again seems to never know where to put his hands, which I find cute :з

4. The thinking pose

It's just funny how Prime always props his head on his left hand just so he won't accidentally poke his extra eyes out with his claws))

5. Smoothing the hair

I included this specifically because Prime only does this one time in the entire season. It's an uncharacteristic gesture for him. Especially since there's no hair to smooth, its all cabels with only little seen of his actual hair

Prime only did this after Scorpia disobeyed his order, letting Adora and Perfuma escape. For a moment he felt like he lost control over the situation AND one of his puppets, plus it was yet another time when She-Ra managed to survive and "win"

I will speculate that Prime used to do this gesture all the time somewhere in the past, when he didnt have his cable hair yet AND when he had less control over his "subjects"

So when on Etheria Prime's plans began to fail for the first time in forever and someone who supposed to be under his full control actually dared to disobey him he felt so frustrated and stressed that he might've mentally come back to those times when he wasnt yet "all powerful". When he often felt the need to calm himself down by fixing his hair and running his hand over it

What's interesting, Prime does something similar in this scene, only here he gives pets to one of his clones. I'm going to throw in another suggestion and say that it actually might've been someone else who used to help HP calm down in similar manner

6. Head shake

I could not stop thinking about this one simply because it annoyed me too much lol. I really don't get what is it with Prime always shaking his head and why it was only a thing in his debut episode. Anyway, he does this to emphasize the words "No" and "Never". And only when he is either really amused or angry. He also does this almost in a mocking condescending manner, probably because he saw Glimmer and Catra as some dumb children who won't get the message otherwise

Still don't get why he only does this in one episode and then this quirk of his is (mostly) completely forgotten

It was easier to make a video rather than a set of gifs, so enjoy me counting all the times when Prime shook his goddamn head

#spop #horde prime #shera #horde clones #spop meta #spacebats #the galactic horde #long post #ramblings #image heavy #this is fun #im so normal about this character as u can clearly see #ive been sitting on this idea for so long and now finally doing iiit #going to use this as a reference guide when i start working on a comic

[my-makeshift-masquerade]

Springdad AU Headcanons Up For Grabs

Why? Because I can? Credit for the AU to @skeletoninthemelonland as per usual! While trying to figure out how my OC would fit into this universe my love of worldbuilding got in the way… So these headcanons may not even be accurate or confirmed by the AU’s original creator. They are just ideas I’m throwing at the wall.

General Headcanons

For some reason, (cough cough this mysterious hunter character cough cough) I suspect there is a dark history of how humans treated these sapient humanoid animals in the past.

Perhaps hunting them used to be a lot more common? Perhaps they were sold to rich humans or circuses once upon a time? (I am talking like a hundred or so years ago, here…)

I imagine the two groups coexisting or having blended families is relatively new in society at large, only happening in the last century. Maybe some on both sides are still hesitant about it or outright against it.

Not to get too political, but I can see their being a lot of bigotry around it in cities at least. The rural areas were likely founded by the sapient humanoid animals, so they would be more tolerant.

Orphanages end up with a lot more orphans like Evan and Micheal than they do human orphans for this reason. There is still a lot of shady stuff happening underground that these kids end up being rescued from.

On a more positive note, I imagine these blended families are the best sorts of families: bound by love and not blood. The best family is the one you choose after all! They typically seek out rural communities to live in peace.

Staff at these orphanages have a lot of methods to weed out suspicious figures who may want to harm the orphans, and they especially look out for any human only wanting to adopt an animal orphan.

Parents like Henry and William are beloved by the orphanages for giving any child a chance at a good home, regardless of species. Even if they may only adopt one or a few, those kids have a good family now.

Lots of seasonal festivals happen in the rural communities and raise money for any nearby orphanage, as many residents build their blended families through adoption. This is mostly lower level though, and doesn’t reach those like the directors.

Rebecca Backstory Headcanons

She was taken from her biological parents by humans. Perhaps hunters? After they killed her parents, they had planned to sell her off to the highest bidders who could do with her as they wished.

The little rabbit was neglected emotionally. Though all her physical needs were met to keep her alive, she wouldn’t have anyone come comfort her if she cried, or show her actual genuine love.

These humans were soon discovered and charged with kidnapping, leading to Rebecca ending up at the orphanage. This was around the same time Micheal and Evan arrived as well.

The only other orphans she really warmed up to were Evan and Micheal. They were the new arrivals and got lumped together often, especially Evan and Rebecca, who had to share a bed to save space.

During the orphanage fire, Rebecca was one of the few children unaccounted for. Her instincts to hide made her impossible to find until after the fire was completely extinguished.

She did go to the hospital briefly for some minor injuries, then returned to the orphanage to find Evan and Micheal were gone. This led her to feel more afraid even as the other orphans tried to help.

This little bunny is observant and timid, always on alert. She enjoys blankets and stuffed animals/pillows. She cries quietly due to her past teaching her nobody comes if she cries loudly.

Springdad doesn’t know her past just yet, but he could always ask someone who does. Micheal knows the general idea of her past since he helped watch her and Evan at the orphanage.

Rebecca only started to trust William after Evan showed how comfortable he was. From there, the other rabbit instantly became her new guardian. She is slowly bonding with Elizabeth and Alice, too!

#springdad au

[pea-brain]

first draft at some lore for kairi, full text below the cut. drawings same as the other post so i didnt bother to include close-ups

kairi was born to a village that, many, many generations ago steadily sent all their men to war. because of how isolated they were, the rest of the country forgot about them, neglecting to mention that the war had ended. none of their men returned (they were quite weak comparatively). years passed. the women (and children) left behind were made to survive a cold, harsh winter that lasted unseasonably long. they had lost a lot of their field workers and hunters, as it was a typical patriarchal set-up village. at one point, the villages priest-in-training was lost due to the village shrines giving nature, she had given all her provisions away. the people mourned greatly, and, eventually, consumed her to survive. with the loss of patriarchal figures the village turned to the priest as the sole leader. growing increasingly paranoid at the thought of her passing and all of them were still waiting for their men to return. this was compounded as the heir had been lost and the new children in training were still too young. they would be left with no one (this was, once again, a fiercely patriarchal society, and the women victim to it were unable to imagine themselves to be safe without direction). they turned to experimental medicine, as many had had the luxury of study with husbands who worked the fields. they dabbled in dark, retired things, and some things never before tried. eventually, using some pieces of the priest-in-training that had been preserved despite the starving (horns, some dried flesh, bones) they produced something that allowed the priest to live near twice as long as expected, giving enough time to train a new heir. 

this was not without consequences, bodies cannot survive that long, but as she slowly petrified she was still able to watch over the village, offering advice, and comfort, and, upon her passing, her body was used the same as her previous heir.

since then, recipes have been perfected, some women living for hundreds of years, and retaining bodily use into more than half way through careful care. there are some philosophers who argue that the careful care of the village is what allows the priest to live for so long, not what she is given from the previous priest, but this has gone untested. the village grew to observe a family-less society, where children had no parents and were raised by everyone. priests were able to provide great insight into issues as they had witnessed so many seasons and seen the same conflict over and over, like a living book. what ‘god’ the village originally worshipped was long lost, their ‘religion’ was the wisdom of cumulative knowledge and respect. patriarchy slowly fizzled down, remaining in labor division but only in a 2/3 to 1/3 split. the village does observe more than two gendered roles, and these are unattached to their job prospects. the only exception is a priest is always a woman. this has been questioned by men in the past, but ultimately respected. it is not an envied roll, its understood to be more of a curse. you do not get to live a life, you are the village. 

the village has observed some changes in features, tusks and horns have grown in length through generations, faces flatter, taller overall. the latter being a puzzling change for scholars of the village.

when a priest finally dies, her body is carefully consumed by all members of the village together, the horns saved for the new priest to continue the lineage. typically, if she is not yet of age, they will be saved until maturity (which has slowly increased over the years). occasionally, if a beloved member passes their body will too be consumed, beloved individuals bones are permissible to be made into jewellery or protective talasmans, decorations, hair woven into things. priests remains are kept at the temple, the first priest-in-training and her priest are displayed carefully for anyone to visit, and touch, if they feel moved to do so. priests are to stay at the temple as they are understood to be different to regular people, they are a part of the ‘spirit’ of the village and not to be hoarded. they are eaten together.

priests are still handy, aiding in catching and preparing of food until unable to do so. they are kept on smaller food rations than the rest of the village, restriction believing to elongate their lifespan due to cumulation of food over a lifetime. they often meditate to slow heart-rates / breathing and go without water for the same reason.

this continued until some crusaders found their way up the mountain. the village had managed to remained untouched for so long as it was a very snowy mountain top, with thin air (members of the village were more than accustomed to the cold and air), past an almost impossibly rocky area. upon discovering the village it was swiftly conquered. the people were ‘inbred’, their traditions were ‘barbaric and disgusting’, evidence of them (bones, paintings, books) were seized, smashed, burned, and many were killed, possibly including the current priest, but the priest-in-training was able to escape, kairi.

priest is a role saved exclusively for a woman chosen by the village adults unanimously, it is not a birthright, and is typically found from a younger age towards early teens. it is a role a woman can reject, but not many have. kairi is the first on record to have been chosen despite having a disparate birth sex. (there was possibly one many generations ago, scholars debate, but it is hard to discern from texts left behind (they wrote down very little at the time)) she was made to leave before her current priest was able to pass on naturally, and was thus unable to engage in her own ceremony. she is left half-trained and unsure of how long she will live.

priests are to pull their tusks from their time of being chosen until their death (they continuously re-grow, when they become immobile members of the village pull them on the priests behalf) and to keep their hair long, both are used to make talismans. kairi cut her own hair and horns in an attempt to be less conspicuous after escaping, she is in hiding but next to no one knows of her. this place was not widely reported on despite its ‘weird rituals’. she continues to pull her tusks. 

she wants to find her priest and living members of the village, but doesn’t know if anyone exists still.

#sketch #kairi #character design

[waywardsou2]

howdy! this is @stars-n-spice sending you asks for the Bad Batch Ask Game :D

3, 8, 19, 34, & 50! 🩵💫

Ah Thank you so much for sending these in! I'll get to them right away.

First: Question 3 - What’s your favorite episode? Why?

I am stuck between two favourite. Episode 16 of Season 1 and Episode 15 of Season 3. Episode 16 because I loved watching their team work, the desperation and planning, the working together and the massive challenge they overcame. Their home, the only one they had ever known and it was destroyed and they had to make their way through the ruins of their home and birth place to get to safety and freedom. I liked how even though Crosshair was still in the early stages of kissing Empire boot he still remembered they were his brothers, he trust them to get out of there, he trusted omega. And he helped save her. Despite him being pessimistic and moody the whole time and not wanting anything to do with Omega. He. Saved. Her.

And with Episode 15, the finale. It was the end, but it was overall very well done. I was so overcome with so many emotions, but they were good emotions. Rampart getting what he deserved and Nala Se doing what she could till the very end. Emery realising that she could do better than what she had been given by the Empire. Hemlock falling of that bridge. Was so satisfying, he deserved a gruesome death but what we got was still fantastic. Seeing Hunter and Crosshair team up, Wrecker be the absolute beast that he was. The Whumpage we got from the capture of the Crosshiar, Hunter and Wrecker. Echo's team up with Emery. Omega saving those children and releasing the Zilo beast. I could go on and on and this will be way to long if I keep going but you get the jist.

Question 8 - What song(s) do you associate with the Bad Batch?

Hymn for the Weekend - Coldplay (this one just in general idk it fits the vibe in my head)

In the end - Black Veil Brides (for all the cool fight scenes and how hard they fight for each other and their missions)

New Divide - Linkin Park (The tension between Hunter and Crosshair)

Something Real - Post Malone (literally anything sad that happen. TECHHHH)

The Summoning - Sleep Token (the general vibe for everything moody and sad)

Punk Tactics - Joey Valance and Brae (for all the cool fighting montages)

I don't really know how to explain it, they just fit the vibes in my head, listen to them.

Question 19 - What are some head canons you have about Crosshair?

I don't have any yet. I think maybe that he knew about the inhibiter chips long before everything and removed it but witheld it from his brothers. TBH IDK but Crosshair is my favourite so I'll come up with some eventually.

ACUTALLY, that Echo taught him how to cope with his missing hand, yadda, yadda yadda, like I said IDK yet.

Question 34 - Which Batcher would you like to kick in the shins?

Crosshair or Tech. Crosshair for leaving his brothers. The Empire was never going to do good by him and I wish he had seen it like his brothers, I wish he had trusted and listened to them.

And Tech for sacrificing himself! WHY?!?! He never should have died. He didn't deserve it. I want him back.

Question 50 - What are you going to miss most about the show?

I think just all of it in general, I just recently got interested in the show. I wasn't interested in it when it first came out but last week I decided to give it another try and I suddenly became obsessed, and now it's over. And I'm just going to miss all of it. I'm going to miss the comfort and the character development and the dynamics and...just literally everything.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASKS THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN!!!

I hope to see you around the fandom haha. May the Force be with you!

#the bad batch #tbb #tbb spoilers #tbb season 1 #tbb season 2 #tbb season 3 #ask and answer #ask game #answered asks #text post #txt post #shit post #asks #answer #wayward rambles #wayward rants #rants #rambles #this was fun #thank you

[leverage-ot3]

What are your k drama recommendations??!? I need new ones

omg my time has come thank you anon for giving me the opportunity to ramble about shows

I ended up talking WAY too long so I'm putting everything after the first one under the cut

all of us are dead- show about high schoolers as a zombie apocalypse starts. very funny and relatable, literally they call the police and are like 'have you seen train to busan?' bffrrn. has a lot of social commentary and there are references to the sinking of mc sewol (a cruise that sunk where the captain deserted it and left a large amount of high schoolers to drown). commentary about how adults save themselves first/leave youth to fend for themselves. one of my comfort shows and although they didn't intend for more seasons, it was received so well that they have been renewed! I am also an ot4 truther and sometimes talk about them on my international shows sideblog: @nam-on-jo

sweet home- (disclaimer: I am not caught up and have not yet seen s2 which came out a little while ago) honestly I have no idea how to explain this so I'm gonna copy-paste the blurb: as humans turn into savage monsters, one troubled teenager and his neighbours fight to survive and to hold onto their humanity. basically people turn into monsters for [redacted] reasons and everyone in his large apartment building is stuck inside trying to fend for their lives.

my name- I'm just going to paste the blurbs going forward because it's easier: Following her father's murder, a revenge-driven woman puts her trust in a powerful crime boss -- and enters the force under his direction. bro some of these twists I expected but others caught me off guard. I love the main character and am a little gay for her but I think that's valid because she's a bamf. there was a plot point at the end of the second to last episode that I really didn't like and made me very upset. narratively I get why they did it but it made me sad so I'm still pissy. might get around to writing a fix-it fic one day when motivation strikes because my girl deserves better things.

the guest- a detective, a catholic priest, and a psychic join forces to fight crime caused by supernatural forces. not to say they are my ot3 but they kinda are. (other ppl interpret it is a lesbian and her two bi/gay bffs which I also accept but. ot3 tho). LOVED every twist and turn and how the three of them go from not trusting one another to being family. genuinely one of my favorites from all the kdramas I've watched over the years and I want to rewatch it again soon

happiness (tvn)- The residents of a high-rise apartment fight for their lives against a deadly infectious disease while Sae-bom and Yi-hyun try to find the person because of whom the virus spread. bro I adored this. some characters annoyed me (which means they were written effectively) but it has so much. fake dating/marriage (they wanted a better apartment lmao). annoyances to lovers. mean/rude woman soft for sunshine man. what you will do for the people you love. morals and humanity during a catastrophy. *smacks show* you can fit so much into this. no but seriously, I thought this was a really interesting take on the zombie virus! so some of the time you come off completely asymptomatic and 'normal', so people can get away with acting normal and hiding the disease around other people, so the paranoia and mystery is REALLY amped up. had me guessing a LOT. sae-bom and yi-hyun are both cops/detectives and you find out really early (ep 1/2?) that sae-bom is immune which gives a really interesting dynamic that leaves her (to yi-hyun's exasperation and heightened blood pressure levels) to be kinda reckless in the pursuit of truth and salvation. I'm rambling now because this is making me watch to rewatch but yeah as a zombie/dystopia/apocalypse lover this was a good watch. it's more story-focused than violence-heavy which was a cool and refreshing twist

alice in borderland- okay y'all I am aware people had mixed feelings about s2 but overall I did enjoy the series. 'Obsessed gamer Arisu suddenly finds himself in a strange, emptied-out version of Tokyo in which he and his friends must compete in dangerous games in order to survive.' what can I say, I love a dystopian-esque setting.

the silent sea- imma be real, I only watched it for loml bae doona from sense8. 'During a perilous 24-hour mission on the moon, space explorers try to retrieve samples from an abandoned research facility steeped in classified secrets.' basically earth is in severe crisis mode as they run out of water to drink. water has recently been found on the moon, and although there was a mysterious tragedy that happened previously to researchers looking for water in a base on the moon, they have reached a level of desperation where they have another mission to look for moon water. mystery, paranoia, a couple of good twists ensue. I thought it was pretty good even though I have some mixed feelings about the open ending.

semantic error- yes I am sliding a bl into this list. bitch you thought. of course my bl-loving self would mention this (I forgot about it until I looked up good kdramas to remind myself of stuff I have watched). 'A strict, rule-abiding computer science major must work together with an artist with a polar-opposite personality to his.' confident cool boy meets bitch boy. it's great.

and of course...

leverage con artists- I would be fired from running this blog if I didn't mention the beloved korean spinoff of leverage. 'The series follows the story of Lee Tae-joon, a former insurance investigator who forms a team of thieves and con artists to target the rich and wealthy. The team was also formed to avenge Tae-joon's son's death.' I've posted about it before so I won't go super into it but it's VERY camp, a good time, and the ot3 is alive and well. debatable more overt than their predecessor!

other mentionables:

I tried watching kingdom (again for bae doona) but couldn't really get into it. might try again later because it's critically acclaimed (I think) and has even gotten a spinoff series

my roommate really liked mr queen. I didn't really pay attention when we were in the same room and they were watching it but it's fruity

the island on amazon prime was good! interesting plot but not in my top 10 or anything. worth a watch if you're looking for a kdrama to watch in your spare time. features girlboss businesswoman being thrown into a world of the supernatural because [redacted]. supernatural black horse man keeps her safe while keeping a life-changing secret.

let's fight ghost was a thai show that I saw and loved that was adapted into a kdrama called bring it on ghost, but honestly I couldn't get through it because I liked the thai one better.

train to busan is technically a movie but it's iconic and well-known and I highly suggest watching it if you like zombie/apocalypse movies. disclaimer: kdramas do not have the slow 'walker' zombies. they are fucking fast and the stuff of my nightmares. would probably just jump off a bridge if this actually happened ngl

I did think that extraordinary attorney woo was cute. I never finished it and know that there are VERY valid criticisms about the perpetuation of media portraying people with autism in the stereotypical savant ways. however, I liked how the love interest accepted her for who she was, loved her because of who she was and made efforts to accommodate and learn how to comfort her in ways that would work for her

business proposal was pretty decent if you like lighthearted romance- I didn't finish it but would like to at some point

tale of the nine tailed was another one that my roommate and I started watching but never finished. it was alright! just lost interest

shows on my watchlist:

black knight (netflix)- 'In a dystopian future devastated by air pollution, the survival of humanity depends on a group of deliverymen known as the Black Knights who navigate the wastelands using unconventional means.'

copycat killer-

hellbound (netflix)-

shop for killers (hulu)- 'A nephew who lost his parents and grew up in the hands of an uncle who runs a shopping mall faces a new truth after his uncle's sudden death.'

the legend of the blue sea (viki + hulu)- 'A magistrate's plan to release mermaids into the ocean backfires when they're caught by fishermen.' (legit I just miss mermaid media)

gyeongseong creature (netflix)- 'In the city of Gyeongseong in 1945, a group of young people thinking only of their own survival encounter a monster born of human greed and ask themselves what humanity is.'

dark hole (viki)- 'A mysterious black fog from a petrochemical factory's sinkhole turns people into bizarre figures; people who are not infected try to survive in this middle of pandemonium.'

the cursed (multiple)- 'An enthusiastic social issues reporter, fighting against the evil hidden behind an IT conglomerate, meets a teen-age girl who is possessed by a spirit and has special abilities.'

blood (multiple)- 'Dr Park Ji Sang believes in the sanctity of human life, and struggles to treat terminally ill cancer patients and save lives while at the same time being a vampire.'

the ghost detective (viki)- 'In this horror thriller drama, a detective who catches ghosts tries to solve the case of his younger sibling's death with the help of his assistant.'

possessed (netflix)- 'A smart-mouthed detective and a reclusive psychic medium join together to get rid of the ghost of a murder who was executed 20 years ago.'

connect (hulu)- 'A man is kidnapped and one of his eyes removed by a gang of organ hunters; his eyes was transplanted into body of a serial killer; the unwilling donor now has terrible visions as he witnesses terrifying attacks on the residents of Seoul.'

and now just because so many of these only have het romances, I looked up k-dramas with lgbtq representation... (some of these recommendations were from articles from screenrant, movieweb, this subreddit, herzindagi (bl-focused), allkpop)

schoolgirl detectives (viki)- 'Five teenage girls join together to investigate mysterious incidents that occur at their school, as well as help classmate deal with bullying, depression and other crises.'

be melodramatic (netflix, viki)- 'Three 30-year-old best friends, Jinju, Eun-jung and Hanju each pursue different paths in both career and love. Despite life's difficulties, the three friends can always return home at the end of the day and support each other.'

lily fever (available w/subtitles on youtube)- 'The story revolves around the budding relationship between Kim Kyung Ju and Jang Se Rang who meet when Kyung Ju can't find her passport and has to go to her friend's house to try and find it.'

love alarm (netflix)- 'In a world in which an app alerts people if someone in the vicinity likes them, Kim Jojo experiences young love while coping with personal adversities.'

nevertheless (netflix)- 'The story of a romance between a man who is annoyed with relationships but likes to flirt and a woman who wants to date but does not believe in love.' (wlw side couple romance)

#i worked on this while the other half of the screen was zoom (i was just supervising don't worry) and this post is now WAY too long #so i'm stopping here #jackie talks #about me #mine #asks #answered asks #anon asks #kdrama #kdramas #international shows #my recommendations #other media #read more

[autumnoficarus]

i'm devastated but like in a good way, and I have a lot of lokius thoughts I need to jot down before i pull a timely and become spaghetti

spoilers for season 2's finale below !!

so in this house, lokius is alive and thriving - because listen:

Firstly, i've seen a lot of people upset with the finale and while that's super valid, here's some positive thoughts on why I kinda sorta dig what was given to us.

the recap never included that one ship while catching up on the main plot points of everything that has happened since the show's beginning. I think that should be pointed out idk.

from a fic writer standpoint the fact that Loki spent CENTURIES??? (+however long fighting sylvie and having repeating conversations with HWR) Like literally a huge chunk of time we don't see trying to fix things has so much potential. I'm giddy abt that ngl

That when Loki needed advice most, he time-slipped to Mobius to ask him his opinion. Not only that, he time-slipped to when they don't know each other yet, because he wants a Mobius who is unbiased. He's aware that were he to go to a place in the timeline where they're now close, Mobius would try and talk him out of abandoning all hope.

He knows, much like with Mobius' story, he's been hesitating to look past himself - to see the bigger picture, instead of what he wants. That hesitation has led to years and years of consequences, Loki failing each and every time, similar to how the officer of Mobius' story delaying the prune of a variant led to an eruption of consequences that resulted in the harm of their comrades too.

What Loki wants is save his friends, ultimately. At first, he wants to save his friends and be able to experience life amongst the timeline branches with them. He tells Sylvie he doesn't know where he would belong without them. What Loki realizes in the end is that to give them the choice he believes they deserve, he has to make a choice of his own. In the end, he finds belonging (at least for now, because I refuse to believe this is the end of TVA Loki's storyline) in putting those he loves before himself and what he wants, something Loki has done only a handful of times throughout the entire Marvel series. He needs that growth character-wise because, as we know, he will be involved in the next big phase.

I think that Loki time-slipping to ask Mobius for advice parallels last episode's 'it's about WHO' again. Who has given him the chance to be a better version of himself the entire show? Who helped him overcome his deep distrust in others, learning to care for them instead - so much so that he sacrificed himself to protect them? And again, Mobius is who Loki went to when he was lost and his words are what guided Loki to the decision he made.

A Sylvie and Mobius scene where Sylvie is seen caring for Mobius in the aftermath??? Mobius wasn't offering comfort to Sylvie, he was depicted as more distraught than she was. In fact, I'd say they really wanted to get across how 'alone' he felt with Loki's absence, standing watching a life he never knew from afar.

(there's a whole unpacking i want to do here about how we previously saw Loki looking longingly across the street watching Don's life too, before whisking Don away from his mundane family life for a greater purpose; something about Mobius looking at that life and recognizing there's a missing piece to it, and it's back in a place he no longer feels he fits because the TVA is missing something too; something about Loki 'supposedly' finding where he belongs, but not Mobius. those are thoughts for another post though lmaoooo)

I think they left Mobius' arc open-ended because he still hasn't achieved that greater purpose. That's (hopefully) because it's meant to be fleshed out in either a later season or next movies to come. And (hopefully x2), that purpose becomes Mobius helping to somehow save Loki from his current fate.

The final moments?? Hello??? Mobius' voice echoing as we pan in on Loki holding the branches together, teary-eyed with a soft, melancholic smile??? Seeming to be listening in on Mobius amongst the branches??? Mobius' 'let time pass' because he doesn't know how to move on from losing Loki?? Come onnnn, the tragic angst in just those shots were CHEF KISS

Overall, I know it's a let down not to have an actual canon status but I mean - were we really expecting the mouse to come through for us??? At least, we didn't get a 'no homo' moment so I count that as a win against rickey the rat. Lokius survived the finale, and that's what really mattered for me tbh.

Like idk, I could also be biased because I kinda, really dig tragedy and slow burn angst. And that's what this finale gave us, along with so many possibilities !! Them being separated leaves so much that can happen !! Like, like - Mobius has the opportunity to have an arc about saving his bae from holding time together indefinitely - from Loki's greatest fear, being left alone. Mobius getting into marvel shenanigans in an attempt to reunite with Loki somehow is beautifully romantic to me ya'll idk. I am delusional and I fully embrace that fact.

Okay honestly this isn't even ALL MY THOUGGHTS I HAVE MORE but this is getting long so I'm stopping here (currently: sending morse code signals out to help pull me back from the brink of insanity)

#loki spoilers #loki season 2 #lokius #i might have went overboard with this im ngl #i'm just doing backflips about my blorbos and i can't stop ok #save me from myself i am foaming at the mouth i am rabid racoon that needs to be tased #i will not release my grubby little fingers from these two fictional goofballs you can't make me!!!! #txt: icarus has a bout of madness #marvel

[quem-pel]

I was feeling really unsettled after the finale of The Bad Batch and I wasn’t entirely sure why until I talked to my best friend about it.

Spoilers and unsolicited opinions below.

This is just me trying to sort things out in my head and thought I would share.

Obviously Techs death was pretty devastating, and I thought that it was the loss of his character that had me so in my feelings. They had fleshed him out to be very unique; he was the genius trope while still being confident and warm in his own way. You don’t ever see that portrayed in any sort of media and it was super endearing and refreshing. Then they canonized (I’m calling it canon at this point) him being neurodivergent/Autistic and that felt really good.

From what I can remember, he had never been made fun of by his brothers for info dumping, interrupting or his general demeanor. (The Regs made fun of all of them so I’m not counting that) And again, he wasn’t portrayed as being completely callus and uncaring. When he came across that way, Omega called him out like any little sibling might and he had explained his situation beautifully.

“I may process moments and thoughts differently, but it does not mean that I feel any less than you.” Same my tall neurodivergent buddy, same. And I think that is an incredibly powerful thing for a show to say, especially a SciFi universe/series that attracts this sort of following.

So yea, Techs death felt a little like a gut punch. I get sad over character deaths but this one got to me, and Tech wasn’t even my most favorite character.

I believe it was because of the timing and the tone.

It happened with 15 minutes left to the last episode, at that point we know things can’t get better. There would be no ‘fix it’ curve ball where he comes back to save the day, Crosshair wasn’t getting saved and then Omega was taken. There was so much despair and strife that the ‘I’m your sister’ reveal had very little emotional effect on me. At that point, I just didn’t care. I had been curious before, but it’s hard to feel curious about anything when everything felt so demoralizing and hopeless.

And that’s where my disconnect and unsettled feeling is coming from.

Starwars is about Hope, it always has been. It’s a huge reason why I latched onto the universe as my ‘comfort’ fandom. I’m emotionally sick of shows that everything is horrible all the time, if I want that I just open up Facebook or watch the news.

That isn’t to say that bad things don’t happen in Starwars, they absolutely do. But I don’t remember the last time any of the shows or films left me feeling utterly hopeless. Even in season one we have Omega telling Crosshair “You’re still their brother, you’re my brother too.”

This season we get; Tech falling to his death. Wrecker, Echo and Hunter sitting in a Dark Marauder ready to go feral after already trying everything and having nothing left. Crosshair out for the count after being tortured for who knows how long and Omega being kidnapped by the Empire.

Obviously the writing is really good, especially if so many people are having an emotional reaction to it. And I understand that its set right after order 66, so the empire is in full swing of being vicious evil bastards. But I think I am just really missing that punch of hope at the end, that light at the end of the tunnel that can pull us through until next season.

I am unsettled because it just feels really hopeless and that isn’t the theme of Starwars at all.

I want next season to turn that around, I want Tech to make a Starwars ‘not dead yet’ return, Crosshair and Omega to escape and the found family Trope to be intact. But that all seems like a very big ask at this point.

Makes me scared for the Mandalorian. At least we got to see Zeb Live action this week.

#the bad bad spoilers #the bad batch #tech the bad batch #hunter the bad batch #wrecker the bad batch #echo the bad batch #crosshair the bad batch #omega the bad batch #tech tbb #hunter tbb #wrecker tbb #echo tbb #crosshair tbb #omega tbb #tbb spoilers #the mandalorian spoilers #mando spoilers #starwars #starwars opinions #all opinions take it as you will

[malicedafirenze]

so I finally got done watching S5 of The Dragon Prince and ghgnghghggngh why do I have such a mixed bag love hate relationship with this show (spoilers)

I want to love this show but there's so many things that just don't land and don't work, and yet here I am, hooked once again, because after 8 episodes of cringe humor and weird dialogue it fed me some crumbs of delicious Aaravos content.

I find so many of the accents so goddamn stilted and awkward. The french sun fire elves are the worst. I don't object to french-sounding elves in principle but dear lord does it sound unnatural and strained

SO much of the humor just does not land and the pacing of individual scenes is just ??? ATLA had some very kiddie humor here or there too, and I love the somewhat darker and more mature tone of TDP but jfc it feels like they need to hammer every joke home with so much time that you'd think they were planning for a laugh track

ep 8 and 9 were so much better than the whole rest of the season because once this show lets itself focus on action and drama, it's actually pretty fucking good, but for some reason you need to get through a first half season of awkward goofs.

Terry annoys me so much. Yay trans rep, but why the utterly random coming out out of nowhere (that was S04 I know but I watched it very recently okay) and his whole sounding like a therapist shit towards Claudia, like yes, it could be funny that this random wood elf does aroma therapy on his dark mage gf but everything somehow turns awkward in the execution

The library showdown was generally cool but the framing for why Amaya told them to leave without her was so fucking weird: you have this moment of Dragon Ex Machina, Zubeia wiping away the demon bears with ease, and then suddenly when Amaya is back in the frey after grabbing Bait, they're suddenly out of time and need to leave that instant??? Like I see what they were going for, obviously Zubeia was under real threat from the demon bears, but imo the framing/visualization of that threat did not work at all and I audibly went "WHY" at my screen at the random "you have to leave without me" thing.

That being said there's some shit that goes extremely hard and I'm here for it:

Rayla just fucking dismembering Claudia apparently wtf??

I enjoyed the sexy fish pirate man, I hope he survived getting eaten

I am an utter addict for Aaravos' voice and even the flashback repetitions in Janai's nightmares were legit enough to get my attention again

I am very excited for how someone is going to end up saving Viren's life against his will and I will gladly read fanfic of it

I had the 'our child' thing spoiled by being careless on tumblr but seeing it actually on screen was better than expected, love that for my OTP, toxic af parenthood is just what they needed

I really expected there to be more Aaravos since this show got renamed to Mystery of Aaravos false advertising smh.

They got creative with Dragon designs this season and I support that

out of all the things I found weird and cringe, I am 100% here for Zubaia getting randomly healed by a funky little gnome that calls himself the mushroom mage, 10/10 no notes

young viren hot

Rayla and Callum worked much better for me towards the end of the season when they got more comfortable with each other, love that for them, some delicious drama when the sexy fish man tortures them in front of each other, good for them, that's my shit

Considering all the things I liked about the last 2-3 episodes I feel nitpicky and weird for complaining about the first 7 or so but UGH it was a bit of a pain to get through them tbh. There is so much I deeply, deeply appreciate about what this show tries to do, as a high fantasy kids show with an overarching story, gorgeous visuals and explicit lgbtq and disability rep that I feel like an ass for complaining about it so much, but god damn there are so many things that are just unbearably cringe about it and OH MY GOD I just remembered the god damn "maybe you should express your love like a bee, here just move your tushy like that" scene holy FUCK can someone please give me an edit of this show with about three times the Aaravos screentime and all this second hand embarassment removed

#the dragon prince #tdp season 5 #tdp spoilers #tdp rant #viravos

[on-a-lucky-tide]

(Eskel & Vesemir, back injury, injury on a contract, Witcher Games and Books, #summereskelpades)

Vesemir knew something was amiss the moment he entered the stillroom. Eskel was meant to be sorting through old glass bottles, salvaging the reusable and binning the too-damaged. It was boring work, but someone had to do it and Eskel had been dropping his shoulder during training. Even the bulwark of Kaer Morhen needed to take time off, but Vesemir's eldest son was nowhere to be found.

"Eskel?"

No response.

The tinkle of glass, a soft whimper.

Vesemir stepped down the remaining few steps and rounded one of the tall workbenches. He found Eskel on the floor, surrounded by broken bottles and a shattered crate. "What in the gods n--Eskel!"

"I'm fine," Eskel bit out, his face tilted away. "Leave. Leave me. I--"

Vesemir watched Eskel shift and flinch. There was a soft, coppery scent in the air, which was explained by the cut in Eskel's palm currently smearing red on the grey flagstones. That wasn't the source of his pain though. "It's your back, isn't it? Stupid boy."

Six years ago, Eskel had fallen halfway down a damned cliff and been impaled on a protruding branch while fighting an ancient katakan. Faster, quicker, deadlier. Through sheer stubbornness and force of will, Eskel had clawed himself free and downed as much Swallow as his broken body could handle. Vesemir thanked his lucky stars that the katakan had decided to flee rather than feast.

Geralt hadn't returned that winter, and Eskel had begged Vesemir not to tell him, "he got hurt saving people, I was just fuckin' stupid," and they both agreed Lambert shouldn't find out. The lad didn't react well to such reminders of how easily he could lose those last few people he cared about. Even if he would never admit it out loud.

Eskel had pushed himself to the point of exhaustion that season. Contract after fruitless contract. Scraping together barely enough coin to subsist, pushing through all the warning signs even a witcher had to listen for, and he had dropped his guard for a moment. A moment that had cost him dearly.

Swallow didn't fix things like many believed. It was like pouring solder over a crack in a breastplate. The break was fixed, but it would never be as strong again. Eventually, a witcher's body became so riddled with scars, both inside and out, that they slowed. Death followed soon after. Nature's way of gleefully culling that which should never have existed in the first place.

Eskel hadn't slowed. Not yet. The boy could lift a damned horse on his shoulders and his footwork was still far tidier than Geralt's. But occasionally, when the cold snows settled in and the exhaustion took hold, lifting a box of empty glass bottles was enough to twinge a shredded nerve too far.

Vesemir rested his hand on the back of Eskel's neck to still him, ignoring the startled grunt of protest. "Easy there. Stop fighting for a moment."

"I can get up," Eskel hissed, fists clenching.

"Mhm." Vesemir tugged Eskel's shirt free from his belt to show his back; a mess of scars and twitching muscle. His fingers curled to igni, warming his and Eskel's skin with a small, flickering flame. It would be better for one of the others to do this. Gods, Eskel would probably enjoy it a damn sight more, but for that the stubborn ass would have to come clean. "Breathe, ye hear? Nice and slow."

Eskel growled, but finally relented, his neck and shoulders relaxing, even if his fists remained tight. Vesemir rubbed in firm circles around the old injury. When he pressed with the heel of his palm, Eskel seethed through a pained cry. "Easy, pup. Easy. I know."

Even as he said the words, Vesemir felt a knot of something unpleasant rise in his throat. How many times had he said those words to dying boys? How many times had he offered paltry comfort knowing something worse waited in the near future? Was he gentling Eskel now because he knew that one day Eskel would turn for a riposte and his back would fail? One day it would be a chink in his armour large enough for a fatal blow.

Vesemir swallowed that knot of unhelpful emotion. Getting emotional, worrying, fretting, had never helped anyone who was still alive, had it? There was no point. This was their lot. This was what Eskel was bred for. It was just a cruel twist of fate that Vesemir could count his age in centuries and Eskel might only ever get to count in decades, and, and this--

Eskel let out a shuddering sigh as the pain eased, bringing Vesemir back to the present. The agonising spasms of poorly healed muscle tapering off into a dull ache. Vesemir pressed his fingers in wider circles until Eskel's fists had loosened and he was no longer wrestling to keep his breathing under control.

"Let's sit you up," Vesemir murmured, shifting to take Eskel's bicep and help guide him from the floor. They sat against one of the old cabinets, their boots pushing through the glass. Vesemir left only briefly to grab two bottles of ale from a shelf. Eskel tore the cork out with his teeth and downed half in greedy gulps. "Measure yourself. You'll choke."

Eskel said nothing. He was looking off to the side, avoiding Vesemir's eye. Vesemir knew why; Eskel had internalised the brotherhood's lessons - on what strength looked like, on the appropriate conduct of a man and a witcher - more than the others. And Vesemir? He didn't even know where to begin to chip away at it. Hell, he wasn't even sure he should. There was no telling what was load bearing and what wasn't...

"There ain't shame in it, boy," Vesemir said carefully. "But you need to listen to your body. Listen for the signs."

"I'm not some invalid," Eskel replied tightly. He afforded Vesemir the respect of a student to his instructor, but there were limits to how far he would open up.

"Never said you were." Vesemir stretched his legs out with a groan. "Me on the other hand. Feel like I'm kept together by stitches and willpower half the time."

Eskel sighed. His head thumped lightly on the counter behind them, his eyes closed. "All I did was lift a gods-damned box."

"Did ye stretch after training?"

Eskel grunted.

"Thought not. You think I let Geralt get away with not stretchin', hm? I don't nag you because you're meant to be more put together, lad. But I'll start if that's what it takes. Hound you into madness, I will."

Eskel swallowed and Vesemir looked round to see those two honey-coloured eyes watching him. He knew that look too. One Eskel had worn freely as a pup: a plea for approval, hope of being valuable. The look of a boy that had been abandoned and discarded by everyone who had ever meant anything to him. It barely seeped through the cracks in the facade these days - laid-back, confident, low maintenance, that was Eskel - but the boy was still there. Still hurting, still vulnerable, and in need of care.

Vesemir reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. He squeezed gently and dipped his chin to level Eskel with a serious look. "You need t'tell Geralt before winter's up. 'M sure you'd prefer him to rub your back, hm?"

Eskel snorted in wry amusement, but nodded. A small victory.

"C'mon, then. Let's get this all cleared up."

#eskel #witcher eskel #cw injury #vesemir #tw3 #summereskelpades #path & pride

[golden-flute]

Dragon Prince continues to amaze me

Why hello there! I’ve been AWOL on Tumblr for a hot minute, but I finished season 4 of Dragon Prince at like 4:30 a.m. and now have to break down my thoughts or I’ll explode. Sorry if it ends up kind of long and disjointed. Buckle up, buttercup! Spoilers, obvs.

First, Soren and Claudia’s Confrontation Deep Dive

So this is what has taken up most of my brain’s bandwidth since I watched episode 7. Soren is one of my top favorite characters (others include Amaya, Gren, Runaan, and Bait), so I’m totally invested in his growth. Claudia is also very high up on my favorites list and her negative character arc is so amazing to watch. I’m a sucker for complex character stories where not everything ends up tied into a perfect package. This sounds a little sadistic, but I love watching characters struggle and fight for every morsel of happiness they can get their hands on, especially when their desires conflict with each other’s. Just like Soren and Claudia!

I suspect that this is not going to be the only confrontation these two have with each other throughout the remaining seasons. By the end of their conversation in episode 7 of season 4, nothing had really changed, and I think a part of that is due to how Soren approached Claudia. He painted everything in broad strokes, saying that understood how she felt because he had been on “the wrong side,” implying that Claudia was still on the wrong side and, by proxy, a bad person. But he also wanted to make it clear that change was possible. She could still be saved, in a way.

Soren was being aboslutely genuine and heartfelt. He clearly loves Claudia or he wouldn’t have tried to talk to her at all. And from our perspective, he’s absolutely right in his convictions! He’s basically telling Claudia what we, the audience, have been saying for the last three years. But, as we know, Soren is not exactly a “words guy,” and his desperate attempts to make her see things the way he does fall short. Claudia isn’t in the headspace yet where she’s ready for the sort of self-reflection that Soren had already undergone.

Claudia is an incredibly complex person with different motives and world views than her brother, even before they grew apart. Soren, I think, is more comfortable with seeing the world in black and white, and that’s how he explained himself and his thoughts to Claudia. But if/when he speaks with her again, he will have to get on her level and take all of her thoughts, feelings, and motivations into account without talking down to her from a pedestal of righteousness (which is how I think how Claudia would have perceived the episode 7 conversation to be). Only then will Claudia be able to listen and not feel as though he’s trying to take advantage of her, or making her choose sides--something she clearly has an aversion to.

Which brings me to my other thought: I think Soren is going to have another crisis of conscience before the end of the final season. Maybe not as big as the one he had in season 3, because I think that moment fundamentally swayed his morals. But we still have three seasons to go, and I don’t think all of it will be filled with an unchanging, flower-child Soren, beautiful as he is. That wouldn’t necessarily be interesting, and I don’t think Aaron Ehasz would let such a fantastic character off the hook that easily, lol. I’d honestly be fine if Soren stayed in his pure boy form, because he’s so fun to watch.

Buuuut where he’s at right now reminds me a lot of Zuko in Avatar: The Last Airbender season 2, after he recovered from his illness. At that point, Zuko believed himself cured of any and all bad feelings ever, but it only took seeing Azula again to bring all the trauma back. I don’t think we’ll see as big of a change for Soren (after all, he’s already seen Viren--the primary source of his trauma--again), but there are still a lot of unresolved aspects of his life that need to be ironed out before he truly earns his peace. A big part of his future character changes will revolve around his relationships with Claudia and Viren.

All I really have to say at this point is that I’m so amazed and delighted by Soren as a character. At first, I sort of wrote him off as guy who filled the stereotypical, comical “dumb jock” role, but he’s so much more complex than that, and I really can’t wait to see how his story progresses, whether I’m right or wrong in my guesses.

Next, Soren and Viren

One of my main disappointments from season 4 was the lack of any sort of progression with Soren and Viren’s relationship. And I don’t mean that I expected them to resolve all their differences and decide to be bffs or anything. But... I didn’t expect to get... nothing. If the creators had kept the two separate for the entirety of the season, I would have honestly been fine with that. But they had them meet again, face-to-face, only to have no confrontation at all.

It felt really unsatisfying to go from the end of episode 7, where Soren had such a visceral reaction to learning about Viren’s resurrection, to the start of episode 9, where they’re just quietly walking side-by-side with no context for what happened in between those two moments. Did they talk? Did Soren shut down? Did Viren give him the silent treatment? Did Claudia keep them apart until they entered the Rex Igneous’s lair? We don’t know, all bets are off! And then afterward, Soren acted like it hadn’t happened. I just hope that they don’t just put any conversations in a comic or something, because I think it’s such an important part of Soren’s character. It would feel almost disrespectful to banish their relationship development to a different media format that not everyone may read/see.

I’m hoping this means the writers plan to have a little fun with the whole scenario in future seasons. Soren, Rayla, Callum, and possibly Ezran all have seen Viren alive now, which puts a huge target on Team Aaravos’ backs. Buuuuuut, if Viren kept mum during his and Soren’s reunion, there’s a chance Soren may think that Claudia was conjuring an illusory version, the way she did in season 3. Perhaps they may try to manipulate Soren into thinking it was an illusion to both put Team Ezran off their scent and diminish Soren’s reputation, just like when Viren threw Soren under the bus before about their murder-the-princes “misunderstanding.” At the very least, this sort of scenario would make for an interesting AU fanfic, lol.

I’m trying to keep myself open-minded about this particular issue. I think I feel a bit more rushed about it because I’m imagining the wait between seasons 3 and 4 and thinking of how long we’d have to wait to see anything more from father and son. But the creators have said in recent interviews that the three-year wait was an anomaly caused by the pandemic, and that they’ll be resuming a more regular schedule again. When I think about only having to wait 5-9 months for the next installment, my frustration about the lack of progress in this particular vein subsides a bit.

But still, it would have been nice to get a little more from those precious few Soren/Viren moments if they were going to bring them up at all this season.

Ezran’s Speech

I’m actually really surprised I haven’t seen more people talking about Ez’s speech in episode 3! But then again, after binging the entire season, so much had happened that I’d forgotten about it myself until I went back to watch a bit more carefully. But it was a really powerful moment.

Once again, I saw some ATLA parallels, but I figure if they’re deliberately putting them in anyway, I might as well call them out, lol. I got major Zuko vs. Azula Agni Kai vibes when watching Claudia and Ibis get into an absolutely gnarly fight while Corvus played the fantasy-cello. Something about string instruments playing over really bitter encounters really transforms the moment. It becomes sad rather than epic. Paired with Ezran’s speech about holding love and anger at the same time adds another layer to it as well.

The thing I found most interesting about Claudia and Ibis facing off is that these are two characters known for holding the prejudices that Ezran speaks about. In season 3, Ibis initially brushed Callum off for wanting to learn magic as a human. And even when Callum proved he knew the Sky Arcanum, Ibis told him to run. I think, given, time, he may have changed his tune, and perhaps he did. But from what we saw, he did carry some bias against humans. And then there’s Claudia, who hates so thoroughly that humans are looked down upon by elves and dragons. At first, I thought that might have been Aaravos’ influence on her, but as I re-watched a few key moments in previous seasons, I found a moment that she and Callum talk at the start of season 2, where she also voices similar opinions--that humans were born with nothing but that’s why Dark magic levels the playing field. I think Aaravos just fed that belief in her, but it already existed. Also the fact that Claudia is currently dating an elf! So, in a way, she is also holding her love and anger at the same time. I can imagine it gives her complicated feelings. Brings me back to Rayla calling Callum out for saying that she may be an elf, “but a good elf.”

To have these two particular characters who feel so strongly in their convictions fight while Ezran talks about old wounds just hit the mark. It was a really poignant, if not slightly heavy-handed moment. I don’t feel totally equipped or at rights to find the parallels in today’s world, but I felt them pretty hard during this scene. “Sobering” is a good word to describe it.

Other, less composed, out of order thoughts

Season 4 was very much a transitory season. It was setting up the final three seasons, so it’s understandable that we got more questions than answers this time around. I’m just glad we (hopefully) won’t have to wait another three years for the next season!

The animation was SUPER clean and beautiful this season! There were a few moments that really stood out to me, particularly in the way that Callum gesticulates. Tiny, subtle movements that they could easily leave out but don’t, such as him accidentally knocking his hand into the Tome of Translation when he asks Bait “now what?” Or rubs his face in frustration. Callum is just a jittery, hyper guy, and it’s especially noticeable when those quirks are suppressed by Aaravos’ possession of him. Callum is all about short, quick movements, but as Aaravos, he was slow, fluid, and confident. It was just the perfect amount of unsettling to watch and I loved it.

I love Zubeia so much. We’ve seen badass human moms, and a badass elf mom before, and now we can add badass dragon mom to the list. Honorable mention to the badass aunt!

Corvus is a musician, and I love it so much!

Terry has been adopted by the fandom and I am HERE. FOR. IT. Before the season came out, I saw exactly one (1) comment speculating that he was trans, and I’m so glad they confirmed it in the show! Especially since the comment pointed out that there’s very little representation for trans people who are actively in the transition process. I can’t speak for the trans community, but I feel like Terry could be much-welcomed representation in that regard.

I really love how pure Terry is. I feel like he sort of filled Soren’s vacant role in Claudia’s life as “her doof.” I’m willing to bet we’ll see a comic of Claudia’s travels in those two years, and their subsequent meeting. I’m curious how they found each other and discovered their attraction for one another.

Terry’s megane-shine picture in the credits gave me evil scientist vibes and I love it so much. His curiosity about creating mystery flubber out of Sir Sparklepuff’s chrysalis goo (a string of words as weird and random as the situation which prompted them) was really fun as well.

Viren is a lot of things, but he’s not transphobic. Yet another example of complex, layered characters. Even the “bad guys” can have decent qualities.

Trees to meet you is a thing, lol.

I’d never really shipped Soren with anyone before, but after watching his and Corvus’ interactions in episode 1, I would not be mad at their ship sailing if they felt so inclined. TBD.

More Gren and Amaya friendship! I love seeing those two together, they add years to my life.

Janai’s proposal actually made me cry, it was so cute. And their “two cakes” conversation was so tender and sweet.

The whole conflict between the Sunfire elves and humans in the camp could be an entirely other essay, but again, I don’t really feel equipped to write about it (also it’s like 1am now and my brain isn’t braining well enough to go in-depth about it). But I did notice the parallels with our own current societal problems, and appreciated that, in the end, the answer wasn’t to decide between right and wrong, but to find a way to learn and grow together. (But also that the offender had to show up for her actions and resolved to make things right--though it would have been nice to also see her apologize directly to the elf that she wronged and not just his leader).

Sir Sparklepuff is half creepy, half adorable, and half bizarre. And yes, I know that’s three halves. He gave me major Gollum vibes when he first crawled out of his chrysalis.

LIZARD IN A HAT.

I appreciated that Rex Igneous apologized to Zym when he realized he’d been talking shit about his late papa.

I also appreciated the dragon saber-rattling contest at the end. Again, Zubeia is awesome.

Soren spending half the season in floral pajamas was something I didn’t know I needed.

Also, Soren with the butterfly was pure and delightful. And also a great contrast to Viren and Claudia, who would have seen the butterfly as a means to gain magic. Soren saw the magic of its life, throwing him into sharp contrast with his family.

People have already spotted the parallels between How to Train Your Dragon and Soren befriending Squeaky, but I also KNOW in my heart that we’ll see fanart of Soren in the Chris Pratt Jurassic World pose, like he’s "taming” a bunch of widdle dragons/velociraptors, lol.

RIP Ibis. I talked shit about him a bit, but he really was a cool character.

I swing between being amused by the fart jokes and tired of them. Claudia’s season 1 “It wasn’t the hooooorse” still cracks me up to this day, but I may have to draw the line at “It smells SO good when he farts!”

Again, no Runaan, but RAYLA HAS THE COINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

I really like that they kind of nerfed Viren in this season. He’s obviously recovering from actually being dead, and he’s also dealing with trauma over how he died. So few adults admit to having similar troubles, so it was neat to see an adult in a show display some vulnerability, even if he’s objectively an evil adult, haha.

I’ve seen some speculation about whether Rayla is actually fully Rayla or not. I’m kind of inclined to agree. Something about her is off. The best argument I saw for this hypothesis was someone pointing out that she argued NOT to defend Squeaky from the Earthblood elf guy, even when Soren was raring to jump in. Season 2 Rayla would have absolutely slapped the bejeezus out of season 4 Rayla for walking away from a dragon in need. Miss “It’s not just the right thing to do, it’s the right thing for ME to do” did not show up that night, and it’s... suspicious. Also the fact that she didn’t remember Ibis’s name? What changed? Signs point to Stella, with her... giant, unblinking eyes that give me Furby vibes, lol. Did she affect Rayla somehow? What happened to Rayla in those two years? She just showed up with no explanation. I think she is actually Rayla, at least physically, based on the fact that she also gave up chasing Viren and Claudia to save her parents and Runaan and also made a very heartfelt speech about how Runaan and Ethari were like fathers to her. That felt super genuine, so... I don’t know where the cutoff is for where the Rayla we know is and who we hung out with for most of season 4.

Soren recognizing the mirror and trying to offer Callum advice on his obsession with magic to avoid seeing him go the same way as Viren.

Also Soren suggesting to Claudia that the world might be better off without magic. I wonder if that’ll be foreshadowing for something?

I can’t believe this is so far down on my list, but Aaravos possessing Callum was SO intense! I actually gasped when Callum turned his head to show his blackened eyes. Aaravos knew exactly how to get to each of them, and I loved it. But then after Aaravos released Callum, it was KIND OF discussed a couple times, but it was just like they were talking about the weather or something. I don’t know... between this and dropping the ball on Soren’s reaction to Viren, this season kind of went wild when it came to following through on some of the most interesting talking points of the entire plot.

I’m surprised how little Aaravos showed up this season, especially since they rebranded it “Mystery of Aaravos.” At least we got a little of his sexy, sexy voice. Erik Dellums, you’ve done it again.

I’m SO excited to see what the creators have got planned for Callum. He was talking to Rayla about his concerns on whether he’s on a path to darkness. One thing I love about this series is that they also explore the concept of “too much of a good thing.” Like I said before, Soren is just too happy and pure for it to last three more seasons--I bet his beliefs will be challenged at some point and he’ll have to defend them. And I think Callum will face a similar challenge when it comes to his obsession with magic. I TOTALLY understand feeling like you can never do anything right and finding that one thing you’re good at and latching onto it. But then when it becomes your entire personality, you run the risk of narrowing your life path to just one, inevitable end. His greatest strength has also become his greatest weakness. I have a feeling that Callum will have to explore that concept a bit in later seasons, with the help of Aaravos, of course. I don’t think he’ll go Claudia-level darkness--he’s pretty self-aware of this potential danger--but I wonder if he’ll become a bit more morally gray as the series progresses. I’m here for it, if that’s the case! I love me some dark character development, after all.

God, how long is this list? I didn’t realize I had this much floating around in my head.

I adored the rock golems! Their designs were GORGEOUS! Did anyone else catch the Over the Garden Wall Easter Egg in the credits? My friends and I adore OtGW and try to watch it every year, and I got way too excited by that find, lol.

Zubeia and Soren’s friendship is so wholesome.

I wonder if we’ll ever see Soren and Claudia’s mom? IS SHE THE NEW URSA? ;P

I’m kind of glad that they backtracked on Callum and Rayla’s relationship. Watching two fifteen-year-olds admit their undying love for each other at the end of season 3 left me with kind of a bad taste in my mouth. That probably sounds a bit unfair, since I know there are plenty of high school sweethearts out there who become each other’s endgames, but... I guess it felt rushed. Season 1-3 covered the span of... what? A few weeks, maybe? A month, at most? In that time, Callum and Rayla went from mortal enemies, to strangers, to friends, to romantic interests. My guess is the writers did that so there would be some sort of closure in case they didn’t get renewed for more seasons, which is fine. But it always just felt off. So I’m glad that a) they backed off a bit this season and are working through a bump in their relationship, b) said relationship is still being worked on at the end of the season, and c) Rayla and Callum communicated their concerns with each other and respected each other’s boundaries. It makes it feel much more realistic and less cookie-cutter. And I’m glad they were renewed for all seven seasons so they don’t feel pressured to rush the relationship development again.

The Earthblood elf designs are so cool! I really love all the elf designs, but the Earthblood elves are really fun and different! Also Terry in activated Earthblood elf mode was so badass! More, more, more! ;P

YIP YIP!

Sad that we didn’t see a glowed-up Queen Anya!

Or Ellis and Ava. Or Lujanne. Didn’t she meet a human while she was on her prank war tangent?

I wonder how our favorite blind, narcoleptic ship captain, Villads-with-a-silent-D, is doing.

Congrats to the Associate Crow Lord on his promotion and his... um... excitement over rare Xadian birds, lol.

At the end of the day, Dragon Prince is a kids show, but I really appreciate that they don’t shy away from real-world issues. They offer a chance for us to view our world through the (more comfortable) lens of a fantasy world. We can see ourselves reflected in these characters, who are incredibly complex and three-dimensional. No one is fully good or fully evil, not Claudia or Viren, or Soren, Ez, or Zym. Maaaaybe Aaravos, lol. I love it when content geared towards kids recognizes that kids are a hell of a lot smarter than they’re given credit for and they don’t talk down to them or avoid covering more difficult subjects. It’s shows like this that will shape today’s kiddos in the same way that shows like Avatar: The Last Airbender shaped my generation.

Okay, I think I might actually be done.

If you’re still reading, you rock! What were some of your favorite part of Dragon Prince?

#the dragon prince #dragon prince #tdp #tdp spoilers #spoilers #soren #claudia #viren #callum #aaravos #rayla #amaya #gren #janai #zym #azymondias #zubeia #terry #terrestrius #runaan #corvus

[taylorsbrennan]

my top 10 bones episodes

I watched Bones for the first time last summer and am currently in my third rewatch. I've noticed so many small details I missed the first two times around (thanks to me finishing the show in a month). Each episode is so amazing and has a lot of great moments. I've had a list in my notes of some of my favorite episodes and decided to narrow it down to my top 10. This was a lot harder than I thought because I love each episode for different reasons. Anyway, here's my personal top 10 and reasons why I love them :) (also spoilers obviously)

10. double trouble in the panhandle (season 4, episode 12)

i know undercover eps have mixed opinions, either you love them or you hate them and i love them. the circus one is my favorite of the undercovers and i don't really have a clear reason. i think it's a really fun episode to watch that's so different from the usual setting we see. the costumes were also amazing and Emily looked gorgeous in her final performance outfit (she always looks gorgeous but still). i think it also showed a new layer of how much faith and trust Brennan has in Booth as well as their love for each other that's obvious to everyone but them. this is also Emily's favorite undercover so it made it that much better.

9. the verdict in the story (season 3, episode 13)

first, i love courtroom and legal episodes so this one not only being that but centered around Brennan and Max instantly had me intrigued. it also has such good individual scenes that make me love the episode even more. first, the scene above where Booth and Brennan are talking and Sweets asks about writing a book on them. the way they talk like he's not even there and Brennan's line, "do you likee us?" kills me every time. it also brought the iconic "that's a lot of heart, Bones." when Brennan decides to implicate herself to save Max from prison. even with their complicated relationship, Brennan loves her dad and doesn't want to lose him again. her going this far, proves this and further adds to the layer of her character. the first time i watched this episode, it almost felt like a movie and i couldn't predict whether Max would be found guilty or not. let's not forget about that final hug scene between Brennan and Booth. with Booth being torn between being happy she has her dad but also upset he got away with it, says so much about their relationship as well. and finally, Brennan hugging her dad knowing he's free and they can work on their relationship always makes me cry.

8. aliens in a spaceship (season 2, episode 9)

i know this is a fan-favorite episode and for good reason. it's one of the first times we see members of the Jeffersonian in real danger (minus two bodies in the lab, more on that later) and they're on a time clock. Booth and Brennan are also more comfortable in their relationship at this point so their dynamic in this situation is amazing to see. Hodgins and Brennan having to rely on each other for survival and use their strengths to figure a way out never fails to amaze me. their friendship is also one of my favorites on the show and it's really rooted in their experience in this episode. Hodgins telling Brennan she has faith in Booth is another clear indicator of the deeper feelings she's struggling with. i love seeing them write letters to loved ones (Brennan later revealed to have written to Booth, shows she did love him back in season 2 but just wasn't fully aware or comfortable enough to admit it out loud, yet uses her potentially last, dying words as a confession to him, sobbed the first time i heard it and when rewatching the season with this info) and them saying goodbye to each other when trying to blow themselves out of the car. they know at this point, that either choice of trying or doing nothing will result in their death so they decided to try, and thankfully Booth was there to see. Booth doing his action-hero run down the hill to pull them both out always makes me cry. if it wasn't for both of them being taken together, likely, Booth wouldn't have gotten there to find Brennan alive. it really highlighted each of their strengths and resourcefulness to extend their air supply and fight to escape. i know the gravedigger became a recurring storyline, but i really wish the aftermath of Brennan and Hodgins' coping and healing would have been explored more in the show as i think it really did have a big impact on Brennan no matter how easily she says she can compartmentalize.

7. the man in the fallout shelter (season 1, episode 9)

ahh, the first Christmas episode of bones, i love holiday episodes of shows but this one is especially good. i'll admit on my first watch this one didn't stand out to me a lot but on my second one, i really fell in love with it. this episode is the first time we see the more personal sides of the Jeffersonian team and how they do spending this much time together. we get to see the families of everyone as well as compare their experience to Brennan who she has no one to visit. this is one of the first times we clearly see how isolated and alone Brennan is. the way she wants to spend Christmas is so drastically different than everyone else's. at this time, work really was her entire life and the Jeffersonian was the closest thing she had to family (we obviously know they become her family but this is still season 1 so we'll give it time). i love seeing Booth high and him annoying Brennan because of her persistence in wanting to work on the case. learning that her parents disappeared around Christmas is a new piece in that puzzle and seeing her open the present she held onto all those years is really sweet. i can't remember if this was acknowledged in the show or if i just saw someone point it out online, but after the season 1 finale, we learn Brennan's mom had been in the Jeffersonian the whole time, unidentified. so technically, Brennan did spend Christmas with her mom just in a very different way. sometimes that makes me sad and other times i think it's kinda sweet.

6. the woman in white (season 9, episode 6)

i think this one is pretty obvious why it's in my top 10. Booth and Brennan's relationship build-up is the main reason i watched the show and loved it. they did such a good job with this ep and it's everything i could've ever wanted. Brennan's dress was gorgeous, them only caring that the other was happy, Emily's husband's cameo, and of course the vows. Brennan and Booth's vows were honestly what made the whole episode. their wedding scenes were, of course, gorgeous but the vows were not only true to character, but so sweet, had so many callbacks to early seasons, and really made the 9 seasons wait worth it. starting with Booth's, him remembering that the spot they're getting married at is where she chased him during their first (technically second) case and she called herself a duck. then saying "chasing you is the smartest thing i've done in my life and being chased by you has been my greatest joy" what more could you ask for. it's so true to their character's relationships and the early dynamics of the show. if i heard that on my wedding day i think i'd simply melt. and if you thought it couldn't get any better, then there are Brennan's vows. i always hoped what she wrote in that letter would be revealed but i never thought it would be at her wedding and i'm so glad it was. i was already crying at Booth's vows but hearing hers made me sob like a baby. the full weight of Booth knowing that Brennan was reading what could have been her last words and that they were addressed to him? her being able to acknowledge how happy being with and looking at him makes her and that he "makes her life messy and confusing and unfocused and rational and wonderful" 7 years ago, all the way back in season 2. and the knowledge that since Brennan was rescued she knew she had to find a time to admit those feelings to him. this episode just perfectly connects their relationship over the show and seems like it was made with fans in mind. i love every part of it and it always makes me cry happy tears for them.

5. the doctor in the photo (season 6, episode 9)

wow, this episode. Temperance Brennan is my favorite tv character of all time and i think one of the most complex. this episode proves that with it being so Brennan-centric. it reveals so much about her inner thoughts, how her brain works, and what she really came back hoping for after Maluku. she came back willing to take the risk and be with Booth, but he came back with Hannah. she spent the first 8 episodes trying to convince herself she was fine and it didn't matter, but this case brought everything to surface and she was forced to confront the fact that she had to try. she didn't want any regrets and she knew Booth was who she wanted to be with. Brennan opened herself up to him and let down all her walls in a way she never had before, in the hopes he would reciprocate and want to try. Booth being the guy he is keeps his loyalty to Hannah (as much as this hurts Brennan and viewers, this was the best decision at the time. they still had so much to work through, and the later elevator episode made so much more sense for them) and turns her down. Brennan's reaction, in my opinion, is the rawest and most unfiltered emotion we've ever seen from her. because all her walls were down, she couldn't compartmentalize that rejection as quickly or come to terms with the fact that she missed her chance to be with him. i do wish Booth would have done more here to comfort her but i believe he was also struggling with wanting to be with her but also not wanting to be unfair to Hannah. i do think Booth loved Hannah, but he could never in the same way he loves Brennan and he knew that. now Booth is also aware of Brennan's feelings and that if he were to try again, she wouldn't reject him. Brennan then recovering and saying "i can adjust." always hurts me because she deserved so much more. you can see her again retreating to her old self of never letting anyone in and not trusting anyone. this episode was just so well done and Emily played it beautifully. it's such a big episode for Brennan's character growth, as well as setting up for what happens in episode 16, the blackout in the blizzard. i don't think this episode will never not crush me and it reveals so much about who Brennan is and how she handles situations.

4. the parts of the sum of the whole (season 5, episode 16)

when i first watched this, i was in shock. the revelation that not only had they worked a full case before the pilot, but they were directly flirty, kissed, and had a huge fight? Sweets was me and i was Sweets hearing all of that. i love flashback episodes and this one was full of them. seeing the way they originally interacted with each other and what ended up happening, makes their attitudes in the pilot make so much more sense. that kiss outside the pool house and the implication that she was what stopped Booth from gambling again always kill me. i loved seeing their initial interactions even their argument, because would it really be b&b without a little intensity? now let's talk about what happened outside on the steps. i do love Booth's speech but he should've known her better than to ambush her like that. when i first watched, i thought this is where they finally get together and she takes the risk. watching back, her saying she can't take the risk because she's a scientist is so in character. Brennan obviously has trust and abandonment issues and swore off the idea of traditional relationships and marriage because she never thought she could trust someone in that way or have someone love her that way. Booth has slowly over the years broken all of the walls down, and although she does love him and wants to try, the idea of doing that and it not working out terrifies her. she'd rather have him always as her partner than risk a romantic relationship then it not working out, and end up losing him completely. Booth knows this about her and knows especially with feelings like that, it's important to take it slow and give her time to process. there were better ways he could have slowly introduced the idea to her that would have allowed her to gather the evidence she needed and consider the idea of actually being together. the hurt on each of their faces always gets me because neither is really happy but Brennan is just so scared of losing him. when she asks if they can still be partners, i've seen some people take this as her being selfish. in my mind, it's again because she was terrified of losing him. she turned him down because of that fear but now she's worried that by doing that she's lost him anyway. no matter how much it hurts him, he could never say no either because on some level he does understand her thoughts and reasoning. again this episode is so well done and perfect for the hundredth. the flashbacks were so cute and the ending leaves the question of where their partnership goes next and how they'll move on. it's also so clear how familiar the writers and actors were with the characters because everything was so true to them even if it hurt us as viewers to watch.

a note about my top 3: these episodes are ones that when I first watched them, I could not stop thinking about after. the day after i first watched these i ended up rewatching all of these episodes because of how much they were stuck in my head. even now, i think about them at least twice a week. they altered my brain chemistry at this point and are my most watched episodes (5 times each)

3. the past in the present/ the future in the past (season 7, episode 13/season 8, episode 1)

okay, i know this is technically 2 episodes, but since they are connected and are direct continuations of each other, i'm counting it as 1. i don't think i've ever been more emotionally distraught or stressed watching an episode of Bones as i was the first time i watched these. Pelant took it too far framing Brennan for murder. i don't think we talk enough about how Brennan basically had to abandon Booth, something she swore she would never do, in order to save herself from jail. she also had to rely heavily on her father to keep her and Christine safe from the cops. because if Brennan had been caught, there's no way they would have been able to prove her innocence. She really had to put a lot of trust in Max, something she's had trouble doing since he reentered her life but I think this situation really cements and reestablishes their relationship. Booth having to watch the love of his life drive away with his kid not knowing where they're going or how to keep them safe is so hard because that's how he views his entire role for them. Brennan also having to leave him behind with the same thoughts on top of the risk of jail is devastating. let me also just say, when i started the season 8 episode, i was expecting a mini time jump of a few weeks. when i saw 3 months later flash on the screen, i had to pause and take a moment because i was sobbing. but that reunion scene was everything i could've wanted and more. her also finally being able to come home and have her name cleared was so sweet. seeing everyone, embrace her being back even before she was cleared and their need to protect her fits their found family so well. i was also so thankful to see her brown hair come back haha. i do wish we could have seen a little more of what her life looked like on the run, however, i believe these episodes and storyline are perfect and really had such an impact on Brennan and Booth. this is the best season finale i've seen and i genuinely didn't know how they were going to wrap it up, and still feel the same anxiety each time i watch. i loved it and the effect it has on Brennans character in season 8.

2. two bodies in the lab (season 1, episode 15)

this is the episode that officially had me hooked on Bones so i have a soft spot for it in my heart. after this, I knew i would be watching every episode after and loving it. there are so many good moments in this episode and the entire thing is 10/10. hot-blooded being b&b's song is introduced in this and them dancing together is always so sweet to watch. we also really see Booth's protectiveness over Brennan come out by not letting her out of his site and breaking out of the hospital to save her. backtracking a little, i love when he's trying to interrogate Brennan's date but she is just not having it and is acting like he's not even there. the explosion scene was so unexpected and i always think about what would've happened if it had been Brennan or if Booth hadn't even been there, to begin with. it's also always so tense seeing each of them slowly figure out that it's Kenton and that Brennan is in danger. it's one of the few times i feel like we see Brennan genuinely scared because her and Booth's partnership was so new, she didn't have the faith and trust in him yet as she does in later seasons, for example, aliens in a spaceship. she also had no reason to believe Kenton was dangerous prior so why would Booth even be worried about her or looking for her, not to mention he was also in the hospital. Booth realizing and convincing Hodgins to break him out of the hospital and ignoring all the serious injuries he has just to save her, really sets the groundwork for their whole partnership. her genuine fear combined with him getting there just in time always makes me emotional. and then him comforting her and the way she just falls into his embrace (first time we see them hug ahhh). then when she realizes he's still hurt, her concern is immediately on him. i think the ending scene was also perfect for the episode with her finding a reason to cancel her date in order to spend more time with him in the hospital. overall, this episode is so good for early b&b and sets the tone for their relationship growth.

honorable mentions: the harbringers in the fountain, wannabe in the weeds, blackout in the blizzard, man in the morgue, recluse in the recliner, end in the beginning

1. the shot in the dark (season 8, episode 15)

my all-time favorite episode of bones <3. personally, i think this episode is directly connected to Brennan proposing to Booth in the season 8 finale. first, of course, we had to start with some angst and have Booth and Brennan get into an argument. leading Brennan to go to the lab (her old safe space) and end up being shot. Booth decides he has to see her because he misses her, and finds her passed out and bleeding. his panic and worry for her always gets me and the way it lasts until she wakes up. i love all the soft moments between them of him constantly holding her hand or all the forehead kisses (see above). to me, those are small moments that really show the love he holds for her and that he is her home. now onto Brennan's dream or near-death reality where she has conversations with her mom. i absolutely loved this and think it really explains so much about Brennan's character from the beginning of the series until now. i also loved seeing the mother-daughter interaction. it's revealed that the last words Brennan ever heard from her mom before her disappearance was "use your head. be rational. don’t let your heart lead you. use your brain." Brennan of course held onto that like a lifeline because that's all she had. it leads to her hyper-logical and rational persona. it also meant she kept her distance from deeper relationships with others and lead with her brain over her heart, compartmentalizing over feeling emotions. her mom then gives her new advice, again the last thing before Brennan wakes up from her final surgery. she says "it’s time for you to find some of that little girl that you locked away so deep inside yourself. because, it’s not about surviving anymore. it’s about flourishing. it’s about living a full life.” and i believe, this let Brennan let go of that remaining distance, hesitancy, and fear of all the things little Brennan wanted. she now feels safe to open herself up to marriage and relying on other people instead of her hyper independence. this is what i think leads to Brennan proposing to Booth, something she swore she wouldn't do as recently as the same season. having that interaction with Christine healed the still open wounds from her 15-year-old self and enabled her to take that step. overall, this episode adds a lot to Brennan's character development and is an intense but such good episode to watch. i wish i had a specific reason why it's my favorite, but i just love it so much and think that it's a masterpiece and beautifully told and shown.

that's my ranking :) thanks for reading this far, i know it's long. i would love to hear others thought and opinions on favorite episodes! i have so many list and ranking posts i'd love to do too so if you want more let me know <3

#bones #bones fox #bones tv #bones x booth #booth and bones #temperance brennan #seeley booth #episode #ranking #from my notes #fanfic #i love them #thoughts #please im desperate #please interact #analysis #discussion #i love these guys #love of my life #love of my liiiiiiiiife #i spent too much effort on this #so much time #brain rot #ramblings #inner thoughts #from my notes app

[xsparklingravenx]

the rose’s scent

Title: the rose’s scent

Fandom: Link Click

Characters: Cheng Xiaoshi, Lu Guang, Qiao Ling, Xiao Li

Rating: T

Word Count: 12,363

Summary: Cheng Xiaoshi, photography, and the act of preserving the past in the face of a daunting future.

[Major spoilers for season 1′s finale.]

AO3

There was a camera in his hands. An old one, small and black, with a space in the hollow for film and a heaviness that could only be associated with something analogue. There was no digital screen to see its subject, a small viewfinder at the top, and chunky buttons that clicked satisfyingly when pressed. A treasure by any other name. A way to freeze the present dead in its tracks, to embalm the past, to prevent decomposition.

The early afternoon sun cast a golden hue over the empty classroom, rambunctious shouts coming from below where Cheng Xiaoshi could see other students mingling. Some were talking while others played sports, balls bouncing across hot concrete. It was a perfectly normal day, achingly so, several lessons behind him and several more to come. This window of peace would last only for thirty minutes more before it would be back to the grind, pens on paper, textbooks open.

He raised the camera, centring the unaware students beneath him in the viewfinder. A girl shyly approaching a lonesome boy, a gaggle of friends laughing and clutching at their sides, the tallest member of the basketball team taking a shot. Which moment was worth the most? What should he choose to save?

“Oh. It’s you.”

Click.

Cheng Xiaoshi hit the shutter release in surprise. Whatever picture he’d taken would have to wait until he got the film developed—that was both the beauty and the curse of a non-digital device. Whirling on the spot at the semi-familiar voice, his eyes fell on the newcomer, his own brows raising in surprise.

White hair, just on the right side of unkempt. Dark eyes, the pupil hidden from view in their depths. A mouth downturned, not quite severe, but not quite soft either. A boy, one Cheng Xiaoshi had encountered only a couple of times personally despite sharing the same class.

“Didn’t expect to see you here, Lu Guang,” Cheng Xiaoshi said, lowering the camera. Lu Guang’s eyes tracked its movement, but he said nothing. Never one for silence, Cheng Xiaoshi carried on. “Too hot for you outside? I get it, the sun is killer today, huh?”

“Not quite. I forgot something,” Lu Guang approached his desk, where a boring-looking, doorstopper of a novel sat unopened. “Just came back to get it, is all.”

Cheng Xiaoshi hummed his response, watching as Lu Guang reached for the book, his fingers curling around the spine. His hands were slender, not quite suited for basketball at a glance, but it was on the court they’d met regardless. He was a new addition to the school, a new addition to Cheng Xiaoshi’s periphery, a boy who didn’t seem to quite fit in with the status-quo.

But Cheng Xiaoshi appreciated that, because he’d always felt like he didn’t quite fit either.

It was a pleasant kind of silence as Lu Guang flipped through his book to check his ear-marked page, as Cheng Xiaoshi fiddled with one of the settings on the camera. Comfortable, even, in the same kind of way it was when he was at Qiao Ling’s house, the two of them doing their homework together while her Dad watched the news downstairs. There was a considerable distance between them, one stood at the window, one across the room at his desk, yet it felt like nothing at all.

“You gonna hit the court again sometime soon?” Cheng Xiaoshi asked.

“You like photography?” Lu Guang’s voice slid the question beneath Cheng Xiaoshi’s own.

They both looked at one another, startled by their perfect timing. A small smile broke like dawn on Lu Guang’s face, while a peal of laughter escaped Cheng Xiaoshi’s lips. He shook his head, straightening up. “Me first, or you?”

“I’ll give my answer first. It depends.”

“On?”

“On if you’ll be playing too.” Lu Guang paused. “You’re always the best player. I can’t trust anyone else to shoot if I pass to them.”

It was kind of an arrogant thing to say, but because it was praise directed Cheng Xiaoshi’s way, he couldn’t help but grow euphoric with pride. He recognised those words, that talk of trust and passing. “Oh? I’m the best? Wanna say that again?”

“You heard me the first time.” There was that smile again, small, but fun. “You know you’re good. You don’t need me to tell you that.”

“Yeah, but it’s nice hearing it anyway. Cool, so we’ll hit the court together, no big deal.” Cheng Xiaoshi glanced back down to the camera. “And, to answer your question now, yeah, I guess I do.”

It was a lame answer; so few words could hardly explain the magnitude of what photography really meant. But it felt foolish to go into it with someone who was a casual acquaintance at best, a complete stranger at worst. And what use would there be, really, in laying out every pathetic detail to someone who’d only asked a simple question?

Lu Guang’s gaze was heavy as he stared at the camera in Cheng Xiaoshi’s hands. He could feel the weight of it even from across the room. The sun beat through the window onto his back, and time felt gauzy and immaterial, like this moment would last forever if he let it.

He raised the camera, finger hovering over the shutter, but in the end he thought better of it. Instead, he asked, “You look interested. Wanna see it? It’s nothing much, kind of an old model so it might look a little difficult, but, uh…”

Cheng Xiaoshi trailed off as Lu Guang crossed the distance between them, taking the camera in his hands and peering through the viewfinder. For a moment, Cheng Xiaoshi thought he might take a photo, and he wondered desperately what he might look through that lens. Qiao Ling had taken pictures of him, with him, low-pixel selfies on the latest smartphones, washed-out polaroids on those little cameras that girls bought as fashion accessories, but he knew what to expect with those.

But Lu Guang didn’t press the shutter-release. He lowered the camera again, his dark eyes peering over the top. “What sort of pictures do you take?”

“All sorts. People, places, whatever catches my eye, you know?” Cheng Xiaoshi wasn’t sure if he did know, but that was fine. “I can take one of you, if you want. Right here, right now.”

“Uh, no, no thanks.” A faint hint of pink dusted Lu Guang’s cheeks, starkly contrasting his pale hair. “I’m good.”

“Camera-shy?” Cheng Xiaoshi laughed.

“Something like that.”

“Why does that sound like it’s not true?”

Lu Guang snorted softly. He handed the camera back, a brush of skin as Cheng Xiaoshi took it. The sun caught them both in its glow. “It’s true enough. Well, thanks for showing me it, but I should…”

“Go?” Cheng Xiaoshi finished for him. “Aw, so that’s it? Just gonna grab your book and leave? Why not stick around a little while. People-watching is great, you can see the whole campus from up here.”

He gestured to the window behind him. Lu Guang stood at his side, looking out. A heartbeat passed, another, and finally he spoke. “Everyone has something going on in their lives, don’t they?”

“Yeah,” Cheng Xiaoshi agreed. “Way too much sometimes, and then the people in their lives have all their stuff going on, and it just kind of keeps spiralling out.”

“Do one thing, and it affects everyone around you,” Lu Guang mused, leaning his arm on the window, forehead against it. “I didn’t think you’d be one for watching. You seem like the type to act.”

Cheng Xiaoshi looked back down at the camera, a little impressed. “Sounds like you’re the observant one.”

Lu Guang laughed at that, a delightful, shy little sound. Something told Cheng Xiaoshi that it was a rarity, bottled lightning, a moment worth preserving, but he could hardly keep sound in a photograph. There was a limit to photography. It could capture singular moments, save an expression, an act, a mood, but that was it. The heat of the sun, the pulse of his heart, the ring of laughter—all of it would be gone in a moment, a faded memory in motion.

But Lu Guang didn’t know that. He simply turned his head and said, “Maybe I am.”

~x~

The science-fiction and fantasy shows the three of them often got together to watch in the late hours were right about one thing; for every supernatural power, there had to be a limit.

The interrogation room was cold and silent. The food was tasteless, cardboard in Cheng Xiaoshi’s mouth. Every bite was a struggle to swallow, stuck to the back of his throat while his hands shook too much to get the chopsticks to his lips.

In the end, he put them down, took a few shaky breaths, then collapsed into his arms. It was the worst sort of crying, loud and ugly and brittle, like any breath could snap his body in two. Small. He felt small, like a child, lost and lonely and breaking apart.

He died. He died. He died. Again, again, again, those words spearing through him like lances, pinning him down to the table, suffocating like Liu Min’s hands around Emma’s throat. All these powers, the ability to throw himself into the past and make a difference, and for what? All to attract the attention of a serial killer, all to lose one of the only two pillars he’d ever manage to build himself.

In here, there was nothing. Without his phone, he had no photographs. Without a computer, he had no security footage. Without Lu Guang, he had no guide. What use was there in power when it had no use? What use was there in power, when the one person he’d shared it with was gone?

He wanted Qiao Ling. He wanted to touch her, to make sure she was okay, to pull her into his arms and feel her warmth against his. He wanted to hear her voice in the present, brushing against his eardrums. He wanted to hear her say, “Come on, Cheng Xiaoshi, it’ll be fine,” just the way she’d done all those years ago after May 12th.

But she was gone too, her bloodstained visage haunting him. She was likely being questioned elsewhere while he was left to stew in the knowledge that his best friend was dead and it was his own fault it had happened. Emma’s memory weighed him down like a stone and what he wouldn’t give to go back, to tell himself, stop.

“You seem like the type to act,” Lu Guang said, their first real conversation of thousands, but Cheng Xiaoshi had always remembered it. Punching a woman five-times his size. Screaming bloody-murder about an oncoming earthquake. Laying in bed, sending a text that should never have been written.

“You seem like the type to act,” Lu Guang had said, and though the memory was faded, Cheng Xiaoshi remembered this; he’d sounded a little in awe. Like it was something he couldn’t quite comprehend, something he couldn’t quite do for himself, which was ridiculous, because Lu Guang was Lu Guang, confident and unflappable and calm.

“Would you say it like that if you’d known?” Cheng Xiaoshi asked through tears, hands balled into firsts. His fault, his fault, his fault. All it had taken was a single woman’s love for her parents and he’d crumbled. One quick text message, one attempt at making a real, palpable difference, and now the blood of his best friend was all over his hands.

Time ticked onwards, every second slower than the last. His thoughts spiralled in disarray. Emma, falling. Qiao Ling, knife in hand. Blood, all over the couch, all over the floor, Lu Guang unmoving. Each sob that shuddered through him threatened to fracture in his heart. There was no coming back from this.

For hours, he waited there. The food went cold. His sobs tapered to nothing. Reality warbled around him, like the smallest movement would splinter it entirely. When the door opened, he snapped his head up, some stupid part of him wishing for someone who would not be there.

Captain Xiao Li stood there, his mouth a grim line cutting through his stern face. Cheng Xiaoshi closed his sore, red-rimmed eyes, and dropped his head back into his arms. His chest tightened; his lungs unable to expand properly.

Movement by his head. His shoulders trembled as he held back his grief, as he fought for words. He needed to ask about Qiao Ling. He needed to ask about the real killer. There was so much he had to do but it felt impossible, paralysing, like he was drowning.

“It wasn’t me,” he whispered, but deflecting blame felt wrong, felt like a lie in itself. “It was my fault, but it wasn’t me.”

“The knife had your fingerprints on it,” came Xiao Li’s voice, stiff yet calm. “But, then again, it had the victim’s and the girl’s on it too.”

Of course it did. It was in their house. Cheng Xiaoshi probably used the damn thing every day to cook. “There’s someone else.”

“Convenient.”

“Someone else like us.” Cheng Xiaoshi didn’t know how else to tell him, and could only hope he would catch onto the implicit meaning. “We wouldn’t—he’s our—was our friend.”

His voice cracked as he switched tense. A hand touched his shoulder. Hefty, but firm. A weight unlike Emma, unlike his own memories, just a comforting touch.

“Someone told you,” Xiao Li said, but he sounded irritated, not sympathetic. “You asked about him, then?”

“I need you to get me a photo,” Cheng Xiaoshi said, finally looking up. Desperation coated his tone like frost. “Or footage. Something. It doesn’t matter what, I’ll make it work, I just need—”

“To go backwards?” He didn’t break eye-contact as Cheng Xiaoshi gaped at him. “I know what you do. Hard not to notice when you show up on our security footage from two years ago looking the same as you did when I met you.”

Hope ignited in his heart. Death was a node that couldn’t be changed, Lu Guang had insisted as much, but how could he know? “Then, you know—you know what I need, so Captain Xiao Li, please—”

“But you don’t need it,” Xiao Li cut him off swiftly, snuffing the hope out in an instant. “Because it’s a lie. For his protection, and you and your friend. Better the killer thinks they’ve finished the job instead of coming back for more. So take some time to calm down, and then I’ll come back and we can talk about this. You need to tell me everything you know.”

For a moment, the words floated above him, drifting on the surface. Cheng Xiaoshi took a breath, and they sank, crashing into him like a mallet. His chest loosened. “You mean he’s…?”

“Keep it to yourself,” Xiao Li said. “Situation’s tenuous, he still in surgery and might not make it, but they haven’t called it yet. But, listen. I know it wasn’t you. I know it wasn’t the girl either. There’s more to this than we could ever have imagined, and I think you’re already aware that we’re going to need you to get to the bottom of it.”

Cheng Xiaoshi nodded, quick, repeatedly, like one of those little solar-powered bobbing toys that Qiao Ling had left on their windowsill as a gift. “Thank you,” he said. “Thank you. Thank you.”

Xiao Li grunted, but said nothing more. A heartbeat, two, and he was gone.

~x~

Warm days were always his favourite. The shop was closed for the day, but the sun was only just on the verge of setting. The red glow across the skyline was a fraction just past golden hour, but beautiful all the same.

Cheng Xiaoshi bounced the ball in one hand, sipping at his boba with the other. Lu Guang was strewn over the park bench, the butt of his own cup resting against his forehead as he tried, futilely, to cool down. Qiao Ling sat a couple of inches away from him. Earlier she’d declared that it was too hot to even think about sharing body heat, and now she scrolled her phone, drinking her own iced tea.

“Oh! I like this one,” she said, using her thumb to hold on whatever she’d found. “Quote of the day from the page I follow!”

“Is this that weird English page you keep quoting from?” Cheng Xiaoshi asked. “‘Cause none of those sayings make any sense.”

“Because you’re illiterate.”

“Because they’re stupid.”

“You’re stupid.” She puffed a single cheek in annoyance. “Anyway, listen, here it is. Take time to stop and smell the roses.”

Admittedly, Cheng Xiaoshi’s English was not outstanding. Different grammar structures were enough to make his head start spinning, but he caught enough to figure out the literal meaning of what she’d said. Though he doubted that was the real intention of the phrase, he looked around with a grin, then shrugged. “None around to sniff, Qiao Ling.”

“That’s not what it means,” said Lu Guang. Of course he would resurrect himself from the dead given the opportunity to lord his knowledge over them. Unlike either Cheng Xiaoshi or Qiao Ling, he knew enough English to not only speak it to the very few tourists who poked their heads into their shop out of curiosity, but to also competently read it. “It’s an idiom.”

“Cheng Xiaoshi’s an idiot,” Qiao Ling giggled.

“Oh, come on! That doesn’t even make sense!”

“It means,” Lu Guang said over the top of them, taking the boba from his forehead, “that you should stop every now and then to appreciate the things around you. Like boba.”

He took a pointed sip. Qiao Ling shook her head and carried on scrolling, the twin ears of her rabbit-themed case bouncing with the movement. Cheng Xiaoshi bounced the ball again, rough texture against his fingers, heat pounding down around him. A sweet smell reached him, like rich honey, the hydrangea of the park spilling their scent all around.

And then, giggling. He looked up, spotting a very young child playing football with his father not far from them, the mother watching with a serene smile on his face. Elsewhere, a couple walked past them, hand-in-hand. A businessman spoke swiftly on his phone as he cut through the park, and Cheng Xiaoshi was at once struck by the enormity of it all, of the world at large.

Déjà vu. He’d experienced this before, in a classroom years ago now, in every single dive he’d ever made. Living the lives of others, feeling their emotions, recalling their memories. He’d lived in the bodies of the dead, of the left-behind, of the lost. He’d lived in the bodies of the living, the leaving, the found. Old and young, happy and sad, determined and aimless, he’d experienced a hundred different viewpoints, a hundred different dreams, a hundred different relationships.

Yet for as well as he’d learned all those different people, he still felt as if he had no idea of himself. Superficially, he knew of his own traits—annoying, impulsive, difficult to love, easier to leave behind—but he didn’t know who he was.

Time felt blindingly fast. Crippling fear clutched at him, as if everything might be snatched from his hands. “Think fast,” he said, tossing the ball at Lu Guang, who had to drop his boba to the bench and scramble to catch it before he got hit in the face. He barely made it in time, the ball inches from his nose, angry gibberish leaving his mouth.

Qiao Ling laughed again, her eyes twinkling in the light of the setting sun. “What was that? You nearly got him square!”

Lu Guang’s expression darkened in a comical fashion. He reached up with both hands, the ball held high, rearing back to throw it back just as hard and without any kind of verbal warning.

“Wait!” Cheng Xiaoshi cried, one hand in his pocket to grab his phone. A couple of taps, and the camera was open. He flipped it to the front-facing camera and raised it, his head low in the frame, Lu Guang caught in an act of violence, Qiao Ling leaning over to flash a V sign.

“Everyone say Shiguang,” Cheng Xiaoshi said, snapping the image before giving anyone the time to say it. A half-second later, Qiao Ling came out with it while Lu Guang watched with an inquisitive gaze.

“You didn’t give me time!” she shouted.

Swiping through the phone, Cheng Xiaoshi brought the image up, smiling in satisfaction. “Eh, it’s fine.”

“Was it a good one at least?”

“Nah, terrible. You look so ugly.

“That’s because you took it before I was ready!” She jumped up, peering over his shoulder. “Ugh, we all look bad. Delete it!”

“No way!”

“Delete it, Cheng Xiaoshi!”

She reached for the phone. He held it high out of her reach, the two of them dancing around the park in a one-sided tug-of-war that she had no chance of winning. He opened up their messaging app and sent it to both her and Lu Guang. Qiao Ling looked down at her own phone as it dinged, and then battered his shoulder hard with its case. “You’re the worst. Tell him, Lu Guang!”

Lu Guang had his own phone out now, peering at the photo with the kind of intensity he usually reserved for when they were working. He wasn’t using his power—it had barely been twelve seconds, let alone twelve hours—but he took his time before languidly looking back towards Cheng Xiaoshi.

“It’s a good photo,” he said, much to Cheng Xiaoshi’s surprise. He gave Qiao Ling a triumphant look, only for Lu Guang to carry on. “But, is everything okay?”

Drops of condensation from Qiao Ling’s boba cup hit Cheng Xiaoshi in the face, ice-cold, a startling reminder that the moment was as fragile as he’d assumed. Words bubbled in his throat and died on his tongue. How could he ever convey the truth, that he was terrified of the unexpected earthquake that could tear their lives apart in a fraction of a second, that he feared himself changing in a way that would tear the three of them apart, that he knew how fragile life was because he’d lived those scenarios.

But for all Lu Guang was observant, he was no mind reader. For all his omniscience when it came to time, he couldn’t ever inhabit another person’s head the way Cheng Xiaoshi did. So Cheng Xiaoshi forgave him for that and grinned, as wide and brilliant as the dying sun behind him, and said, “I’m smelling the roses. Couldn’t you tell?”

~x~

Sometimes, time sped along like a bullet train, hurtling forward with no means of stopping. Cheng Xiaoshi had experienced that time and time again; thirty minutes before an unpreventable disaster, or a photo’s time limit approaching the elusive twelve-hour limit, or a moment of peace he never wanted to end. In those moments, the minute-hand of the clock seemed to rush like it was desperate to reunite with its partner at the turn of the hour.

Other times, it stuttered to a stop, the train losing power on the tracks. Cheng Xiaoshi had experienced that, too; waiting at the door of the photo-studio for his parents to return, stuck beneath the rubble with another boy’s mother dying atop him, or now, in the intensive care unit, Lu Guang’s arms a mottled collection of bruises from the lines fed into him, the lower half of his face obscured by the mask.

He was awake, though to what extent he was actually conscious, Cheng Xiaoshi didn’t know. He’d been warned beforehand about the sedatives, the lines, the machines, the beeping and the alarms, but nobody had told him how harrowing it would be sit at his bedside and see the strongest person in his life reduced to this.

“Can you hear me?” he asked, knowing there would be no response. Lu Guang’s eyelids fluttered, gaze sliding around but never focusing. “Sorry it took so long to get here. They arrested me, you know? Thought I’d done it ‘cause I grabbed the knife off that sick bastard. I know we fight but that’s kind of pushing it, huh?”

He wished he wasn’t alone in this room. Qiao Ling had gone to get them drinks from the vending machine. She’d said that she’d catch up, that she thought Cheng Xiaoshi should go and see him first, but he knew it for the lie that it was. It was obvious; her guilt ran deeper than sepsis despite her bearing none of the fault, but nothing he said would make it any better.

“They have so many drugs in you right now,” Cheng Xiaoshi observed with a forced laugh, taking Lu Guang’s hand in his own. It was cold, and when he gave it a customary squeeze, he didn’t squeeze back. “Guess it makes sense though. They told me you—they lost your heartbeat twice. ‘Cause of all that blood. Ruined our couch too.”

The joke fell flat with nobody to laugh at it. Lu Guang’s eyes slipped shut. Cheng Xiaoshi held on still, because he knew that if their places were swapped, he would want the same. “That red-eyed freak…we’ve got to get him back for it. Not just for this, but for Qiao Ling too. Emma. Everyone who he’s hurt.”

He’d had one-sided conversations with Lu Guang before, at night in bed talking endlessly at the bunk above him, but it was never so lonely as this. Cheng Xiaoshi dipped his head low and drew in a shuddering breath. “I’m so sorry…this is my fault. If I’d just listened, if I’d done what you’d said, then maybe—”

The door opened behind him. He knew Qiao Ling’s presence like a second skin, would have known it wasn’t her in the photo studio even if she hadn’t been covered in Lu Guang’s blood and wielding a knife. She stood utterly silent in the doorway, and when he turned to face her, he saw the frozen horror scrawled over her petite features.

She clutched the two cans of soda in her hands to denting. Tears welled in her eyes. She backed up a step, then another. Cheng Xiaoshi stood, and, before she could flee, he grabbed her around her shoulders to pull into a crushing hug.

Alive. Both of them were alive. He’d nearly lost her too, the moment the killer had turned the knife inwards and Cheng Xiaoshi had to grapple with it. His worst fears, seconds away from coming true.

“Not your fault,” Cheng Xiaoshi told her, firm, furious, not at her but at the circumstances, the killer, himself. He already knew what was going through her head because it was the same as what was going through his. “Don’t you blame yourself, you didn’t do anything.”

“Why did this happen?” she asked, her voice watery. “It was just—harmless. We help people, that’s all we were doing, so why…?”

I played with time, Cheng Xiaoshi thought, but did not say. And then I cheated the game. And now he wants me and it’s my fault, my fault, my fault—

He couldn’t spiral, not here, not when they were both damaged and he was fine. Taking Qiao Ling by the wrist, he brought her to Lu Guang and tucked his hand into hers. Then, he deposited the two cans of soda on the bedside before drawing up a second chair to take for himself.

Qiao Ling stared at Lu Guang, shadows deep beneath her eyes, her gaze haunted. Her throat bobbed as she swallowed. Every detail was a curse that Cheng Xiaoshi wished to forget, so he turned his attention away. Grabbing his phone from his pocket, he scrolled through his camera roll. Not to jump to—Lu Guang would never forgive him if he tried to change the past in any serious manner—but to relieve the past in a different kind of way.

“Hey, Qiao Ling,” he knocked into her side, showing her the screen. “Remember this?”

Summer, the setting sun casting its red glow, Lu Guang with a ball held high, his face twisted in irritation. Qiao Ling with her V sign, mouth half-open and her eyes half-closed. Cheng Xiaoshi just in the frame, eyes wide and entertained, mouth spread in a smile for Shiguang!

Qiao Ling scrubbed at her eyes with her free hand, her other holding Lu Guang’s in a vice-grip. “Why do you still have that stupid photo? I told you to delete it.”

“I don’t delete any pictures that make me look dashing,” Cheng Xiaoshi said with a faint smile. “And I don’t delete anything that makes me happy.”

“You’re so childish,” Qiao Ling sniffed. “Do you have more?”

“Tons. Wanna see?”

He handed over her phone, and before long, she was bringing up old memories, Cheng Xiaoshi’s great photos, his less-than-stellar ones. Weak laughter mingled with the beeping machines, and after a while, Qiao Ling said, “When was even the last time you took a proper camera out for fun instead of work?”

Too long, was the answer. He had enough fun with them at work; the photography studio was hardly the most profitable venture in the world, but sometimes someone came in looking to book for a wedding or a birthday. Though they were few and far between, they paid well, and occasionally they got requests for headshots or other professional ventures outside of their supernatural dealings.

Outside of that, Cheng Xiaoshi rarely took his vast collection of cameras for a spin anymore. It wasn’t so much that he didn’t want to, it was more a time thing. He never had enough of it, and when the urge struck to take a picture nowadays, he always had his smartphone on him.

But smartphone images were one thing. A polaroid, or film, was another. The customary grain of a photo taken the old-fashioned way, the different look to the light, the depth to each shadow. Something to hold, afterwards, something to frame, or pin up, a different experience entirely.

“After this,” he said, “let’s go somewhere. Maybe down to the beach, or some kind of amusement park. I’ll take a hundred pictures.”

“Yeah.” Qiao Ling nodded, then turned her head suddenly. “Oh! Lu Guang…!”

His eyes were open again, half a groan breaking past the mask on his face. His heart rate, which had been steady the entire time Cheng Xiaoshi had been sat there, picked up. His hand twisted in Qiao Ling’s, shoulders shifting. She froze, but Cheng Xiaoshi could pick up the signs of distress he’d been warned about instantly. Sedatives, drugs, the lines—all of it could cause confusion, agitation, fear.

So he rushed to the other side of the bed, took Lu Guang’s other hand in his own. “We’re here,” he said, voice artificially bright, an awkward imitation of the Cheng Xiaoshi he presented himself as every other ordinary day. “Looking at all these terrible photos that manage to make your handsome face look as ugly as that lucky cat Qiao Ling’s dad got us for the shop—”

“That was a gift…!” Qiao Ling said, momentarily distracted from the ongoing crisis in the face of offence. “You take that back, Dad wanted to be nice!”

“And we appreciate it, but it’s still ugly.” Cheng Xiaoshi drew his hand through Lu Guang’s lank, deflated hair, a soothing motion that he recalled from ancient memories of his mother. His eyes still lacked any kind of focus, but that was fine. Normal. Expected. “Qiao Ling, show him that picture. I want him to see what I’m talking about.”

Qiao Ling seemed hesitant to lean over him, but she did it anyway, tilting the phone screen so Lu Guang might be able to see it. Cheng Xiaoshi doubted he could, doubted he really knew what was going on, doubted he even knew that he’d sustained multiple stab wounds and his insides were a ruinous mess, but he hoped that he at least realised they were there.

Lu Guang’s heartbeat slowed. His wracking, half-movements stilled. His eyes focused for a brief second on the phone, and Cheng Xiaoshi thought he saw his friend for real, hoped maybe he was using his power to experience those twelve hours again instead of being trapped here—and then his eyelids fell again and he was silent.

Qiao Ling looked up. Cheng Xiaoshi met her gaze across the bed.

“We have to find the real killer,” she said, quiet determination spilling into her tone.

“I know,” he replied. “We’ll nail the bastard ourselves, I swear it.”

~x~

As a child, Cheng Xiaoshi had never been all that friendly. Spiteful, angry at the world and others, envious of the things they had, the things that had been taken from him. Other children were a threat to his fragile peace, talking about weekends spent with parents, siblings, trips and games and fun. Every reminder that he was different was another blow to the shoddily crafted walls he’d built around his heart, an attack on the desperate coping methods he’d had no choice but to come up with on his own.

By the time he realised he couldn’t go his entire life with a social circle consisting of just Qiao Ling, he was already well past the age where making friends was easy. In high school he drifted from group to group, sitting on the sidelines with his easy humour and cheerful disposition, but it was all an act. He tossed basketballs around courts, pretended he was in with the crowd, and never let anyone close. Popular, but on a superficial level. Everyone knew him, but nobody knew him.

Then, Lu Guang transferred into his class one dreary spring morning. He was a walking anomaly, and left one hell of an impression. With his white hair (bleach?), his stoic expression, his few words, it felt like a mystery had just been dumped straight into first period’s mathematics class. Cheng Xiaoshi couldn’t deny that he was more intrigued in him than Pythagoras’s theorem.

But Lu Guang didn’t have much to say, and though Cheng Xiaoshi was a professional at keeping a conversation going, the right time to start one never seemed to arrive. Fortunately, fate seemed to have his back for once, and a couple of weeks later, just as summer was rolling in, Lu Guang wandered onto the basketball court of the local park at the exact same time Cheng Xiaoshi was shooting shots.

One encounter turned into another. A classroom bathed in the sunlight’s glow, the local milk-tea place afterschool, a hazy day when he and Qiao Ling were repainting the front of the battered photography studio. One day, Cheng Xiaoshi invited Lu Guang to sit with him while he ate lunch in the cafeteria, and from then on, they were rarely out of each other’s company. Conversation or companionable silence in their breaks, trading answers while studying, video games in the studio’s sunroom, selfies taken on phones that steadily grew on-par with his beloved cameras as the years flittered by.

Cheng Xiaoshi’s walls fell beneath Lu Guang’s gentle pressure. He shared things he’d never shared with anyone but Qiao Ling; his parents, his fears, his dreams. Lu Guang listened to it all, offered comfort when it counted, and was otherwise a pillar to lean on when Qiao Ling couldn’t be there for him. High school faded into university, which they attended together, and then in the height of the summer one ordinary year, they travelled abroad for their studies.

They came back with the newfound knowledge that they were skilled in ways regular people were not, complimentary abilities that thrived in the presence of the other, and Cheng Xiaoshi wondered if their meeting on the court was fate after all.

“There has to be rules,” Lu Guang said, sitting in the corner of the couch that he always occupied when he came over. Cheng Xiaoshi hung off it next to him, legs over the back, head nearly touching the floor, scrolling his phone looking for a good image to try next.

“Rules,” Cheng Xiaoshi repeated. “Psh. Come on, we’ve got supernatural powers and you want there to be rules? That’s so you, boring as always.”

“If we don’t make rules, something will inevitably go wrong,” Lu Guang said pointedly. “Time is…fragile. Think about it. Change one small thing in the past, and the world you come back to could be completely unrecognisable.”

“Like that would happen,” Cheng Xiaoshi rolled his eyes, stopping on a selfie of them at a party Xu Shanshan had thrown the year before. The lighting and framing left much to be desired; he’d been drunk when he’d taken it and judging by the luminescent blush on Lu Guang’s pale cheeks, he had been too. He didn’t remember much of the night, really, these pictures the only real testament that it had ever happened.

“I’m serious,” Lu Guang carried on, unfazed. “Time could unravel. We could cause paradoxes, we could write people or events out of history—”

“Paranoid much?” Cheng Xiaoshi poked him hard in the side. Lu Guang slapped the back of his hand, which was as much of a declaration of war as firing a bullet. Cheng Xiaoshi sat up, slapping him in the arm in retaliation, and their childish squabble began.

They’d done this sort of stupid playfight many times before, usually when Cheng Xiaoshi’s antics bypassed irritating into outright annoying. It was light and silly, right up until their hands met in mock-violence and Cheng Xiaoshi found himself hurtling backwards into the past.

He stumbled, music booming in his ears, chatter all around him. “You okay?” Lu Guang asked him, voice muffled beneath the din, words slurred into each other. Cheng Xiaoshi blinked hard, his thoughts fuzzy all of a sudden, his heart hammering. “You’ve had a lot.”

Indeed, there was a glass in his other hand. It had been obscured by the angle of the selfie, but he could see the significant amount of alcohol left in it. Should he drink it? Should he not? He was in his own skin but he felt like a trespasser, this whole dive-back-in-time business still not quite second nature yet.

“Cheng Xiaoshi! You idiot!” Lu Guang’s voice rang in his ears, crystal clear unlike his younger, drunk counterpart. “You dived!”

“Not my fault! You slapped my hand, you started the fight!”

“You started it first!”

Were they really going to have this argument now? When past-Lu Guang was looking at him with such concern? “Forget that, quick question, do I drink this?”

A sigh so heavy it could have pulled the moon from the sky. “Yes.”

He downed it in one, which was a mistake. The alcohol burned the back of his throat, and he couldn’t help but choke on it. Past-Lu Guang slapped his back in alarm, but Cheng Xiaoshi shook his head. “I’m fine, I’m fine!”

“Really?” Lu Guang looked left, where Xu Shanshan and Qiao Ling were doing their best approximation of some dance that had been popular on bilibili lately—or, at the time, Cheng Xiaoshi supposed. “Maybe we should go get some air. They’re going to be at that for a while, I think.”

“Agree with him—me! Agree with me, Cheng Xiaoshi, that’s what you did.”

“Was it?” Cheng Xiaoshi answered aloud, to which past-Lu Guang gave him a questioning look. “I mean! Why don’t we join them for a moment? As revenge.”

“Cheng Xiaoshi!”

“Revenge?” Past-Lu Guang’s eyebrows drew together in confusion. “On who? You’re really drunk.”

“And so are you, so let loose!” Cheng Xiaoshi grabbed him by the wrist. Qiao Ling cheered as he danced beside her, Xu Shanshan throwing her arms around Lu Guang’s shoulders. Cheng Xiaoshi smiled wide, lost in the moment, lost in this euphoric moment of the past, music so loud it vibrated through him, resonating with his heart.

This power was the best. After trying so hard to preserve the past to recall it, now he could return to it with a simple clap of hands. The heat of the summer on his back, the sound of a transfer student’s voice as he asked a gentle question, chirping insects, grass against his skin, whatever he wanted, he could have it. Nothing would ever abandon him again.

Cheng Xiaoshi had always known he was unlovable, had always known that he would find himself alone again one day, but now if anything threatened him, he had the past to fall back on.

Past-Lu Guang got into it, after a moment’s hesitation. Present-Lu Guang said nothing. They danced until they were breathless, until Cheng Xiaoshi pulled him away to the refreshments and downed another glass of alcohol.

“You need to do something if you’re going to stay here,” Lu Guang said in his head.

Cheng Xiaoshi knew that much, because though he didn’t remember this conversation in particular, he remembered Lu Guang the morning after, a rare-teasing look in his eyes as he asked, “Do you remember what you asked me last night, Cheng Xiaoshi?”

And Cheng Xiaoshi, bleary-eyed, nursing a coffee with the worst hangover he’d ever had, replied, “Hopefully I didn’t propose. I’m only twenty.”

It hadn’t been a proposal. It had been something more damning, it had been Cheng Xiaoshi finally kicking the door to his heart wide-open to Lu Guang. Drunk on the atmosphere and the alcohol itself, he looked his best friend in the eye and said, stupidly, “Wanna move in with me after we graduate?”

He’d never known what Lu Guang’s immediate answer to the question was, because his idiot brain had forgotten it. The morning after, when they’d discussed what had been said, Lu Guang simply told him that he’d given it some thought and had come to the conclusion that it would be beneficial for the both of them to share rent. Cheaper. Efficient.

But here in the present (past?), Lu Guang, drunk and bright-eyed and flushed, laughed and said, “Don’t I live in the studio already? Sure.”

Days spent studying, gaming, reading, laughing. Nights spent staring at the ceiling, both of them wrapped in blankets on the sofa, Cheng Xiaoshi airing his restless fears while Lu Guang listened. He was right; they’d been living together for years now, Cheng Xiaoshi had just been too blinkered to notice.

“Smartass,” Cheng Xiaoshi said, bringing his hands up. “I won’t remember this in the morning, you know.”

“I’ll remind you,” Lu Guang replied. “If I remember.”

“You better,” he said, clapping his hands together.

Coming back was always less disorienting. He fell out of the air, the bright light of the sunroom blinding, the sudden silence a relief. And then he crashed, hard, into the body beneath him, eliciting a sharp cry from his suffering partner who now had a shoulder buried in his bony ribcage.

“Cheng Xiaoshi—!” Lu Guang started.

Cheng Xiaoshi knelt over him, raising his hands in surrender. “We were so drunk that I could have done anything and it wouldn’t have mattered, because we had the perfect excuse to not remember!”

“Cheng Xiaoshi—”

“And besides! It was just a bit of fun. Hardly changing anything big now, am I?”

“Cheng Xiaoshi—”

“And just for the record, it was you who started that fight, so it was you who sent me back there, so you’ve got no-one to blame but yourself.”

Lu Guang deflated beneath him, all the fight going out of him. “You need to be careful,” he said. “I know that you didn’t change anything significant, but that doesn’t mean you can just act recklessly. You have to listen to me.”

“You once told me that I was the type to act. What can I say? Just living up to expectations.” Cheng Xiaoshi winked, a little giddy still. “Anyway, it was nice.”

Lu Guang blinked in surprise. His hair had gone wayward from the fall, a mess of white atop his head. The light flush of his cheeks from the past was absent, but Cheng Xiaoshi could still picture it, his best friend, unguarded in his drunkenness, as open as any book.

“What was?”

“Hearing what you really answered that day.” Cheng Xiaoshi smirked. “Don’t I live in the studio already? That’s hilarious!”

Sweet was the word he really wanted to use, but he didn’t quite have the courage. Despite that, Lu Guang turned his head, that faint dusting of pink sweeping across his cheeks again. Cheng Xiaoshi laughed openly, reaching for his phone again to look back at the picture.

Yes. This power was everything. Everything he’d ever wanted, everything he’d ever needed.

~x~

The ward was different to intensive care. Quieter, fewer nurses, other patients trying to sleep. Lu Guang was awake when Cheng Xiaoshi arrived, flat on his back with the blanket drawn up around his shoulders. It was late-November now, just over three weeks since the incident, and it had brought in the cold.

“Warm under there?” Cheng Xiaoshi asked as he walked in.

“Not warm enough,” replied Lu Guang, voice rusty and hoarse, a thin imitation of itself. “I miss the bunk.”

“I miss you in the bunk. It’s too quiet in there right now. Makes it hard to sleep.” Cheng Xiaoshi dropped his backpack to the floor, rummaging around for his lunch. “Uh, do you mind if I eat in here? I know you can’t, so I don’t wanna make it worse, but I haven’t had breakfast ‘cause we’ve been busy.”

“It’s fine. I don’t have any appetite anyway. Enjoy yourself.”

He drew out his lunch box and chopsticks, dipping the points into the rice. He tried not to look too hard at Lu Guang as he ate; he’d withered in the ICU like a rotting flowerhead. Already a beanpole to begin with, his friend looked unhealthily thin now, and the shadows under his eyes were even more pronounced. The knife had done more than wreck his stomach.

Solid food would be out of the question for a long while still, which was why he still had the tube. Recovery was a long, arduous road, and they’d barely walked any of it.

“How is it progressing?” Lu Guang asked him.

It being the investigation, Cheng Xiaoshi knew. He swallowed his food and glanced away. “It’s…well. It’s going.”

“I thought as much. Your face gives everything away.” Lu Guang smiled. “Too easy to read.”

“Which reminds me! I brought you some books to keep you occupied, wanna see them?”

He dumped his lunchbox on the bedside and hauled up his backpack. Three paper backs tumbled out when he tipped it upside down, three popular fiction novels that had been released in the last two weeks. Not a single one was a murder-mystery, nor did any include stabbings. Cheng Xiaoshi had trawled the internet for hours to vet them.

As he stacked them next to his lunch, Lu Guang shifted in the bed, wincing hard as he tried to push himself up on his elbows. He gave a soft gasp as something obviously pulled, and Cheng Xiaoshi abandoned the books in an instant to take him by the shoulders. “Not on your own,” he said softly. “Let me help, and no sudden movements. Hey, look, I get to tell you what to do for once.”

“So you do,” Lu Guang said, fondness leaking into his voice. Cheng Xiaoshi got him upright, gently resting his back against the bedframe. Without the blanket covering him, he got a good look at the fading bruises on his arms, the one on his neck, the sickly pallor of his skin. He still had a needle jammed into the back of his hand, but otherwise, it was a vast improvement compared to the overwhelming number of tubes in the ICU. “Thanks, Cheng Xiaoshi.”

“Don’t mention it. Here, check these out.” He put the books in Lu Guang’s lap, letting him parse through them at his own leisure. It took him longer than normal, stiffness in his joints and weakness in his muscles forcing him into a slower pace, but Cheng Xiaoshi was content to simply watch, to bask in the fact that his best friend was alive, to be able to just sit with his noodles and let time do whatever it wanted around him.

But he still grew impatient after a while. Unable to contain himself, he asked, “Do you like them? I wanted to get you something ‘cause me and Qiao Ling are so busy, it’s been hard to get away to come see you.”

Lu Guang frowned. His fingers stilled against the covers, and then he asked, “Didn’t you come visit yesterday?”

Cheng Xiaoshi paused, rice halfway to his mouth. “Uh, no?”

“Oh.” It was a resigned, odd little sound. Lu Guang pressed his bony hand to his forehead, eyes squeezing shut. “Right. You’re right.”

“Lu Guang?” Concern, rising like a tide in Cheng Xiaoshi’s chest. Breath became a little more difficult to source.

“They said it’s normal,” Lu Guang carried on, swift, voice still rusty but calm as usual. “Forgetfulness, bad dreams. I thought you came to see me. You and Qiao Ling. You were laughing about something. It was like looking through a photo—I could see you, but I couldn’t interact. I thought maybe I was just dozing when you came.”

He and Qiao Ling had been very much occupied yesterday—Captain Xiao Li could attest for that alibi at the least. That, coupled with the fact that Lu Guang had been aware and conscious for over a week now, suggested a different scenario. Cheng Xiaoshi could recall only one instance of laughter with Qiao Ling, the very first day in the ICU when he’d wanted to cheer her up, when he’d wanted to calm Lu Guang down, when they’d shared the picture of the past.

“Sounds like a memory to me, just in the wrong place,” Cheng Xiaoshi said. “The first day I finally got to see you. You freaked out a little, so we tried to calm you down. But, huh…would that help? Seeing any pictures? I know you’re stuck here and it kind of sucks, so do you wanna escape for a bit?”

Lu Guang seemed to consider it, but only for a moment before he shook his head. “No. Reliving the past won’t change the truth of it—and I can see even you’ve figured that out, seeing as you haven’t tried to change it. Anyway, I can’t just leave you here on your own after you came to see me.”

And though the words warmed him, there was a small part of Cheng Xiaoshi which couldn’t help but feel like he didn’t deserve it. He pressed the back of his hand to his mouth, voice muffled when he spoke. “You should if it’ll help, if it’ll make you happy.”

“I’m happy right here.”

“In the hospital bed I put you in where you can’t remember one day from the next?”

“What?”

He hadn’t meant to say it. Hadn’t meant to let Lu Guang know. Despite the cold, Cheng Xiaoshi felt too hot, his thoughts stuttering to a stop on a single one. My fault. It’s my fault. I cheated. I changed the past. I didn’t listen.

“You blame yourself,” Lu Guang said, eyes growing bright with lucidity, then stern in the same beat of Cheng Xiaoshi’s fickle heart. “Stupid as always.”

“I screwed things up, of course I blame myself.”

“Did you pick the knife up?” Lu Guang asked, spearing him to the chair with the brutal question.

“Lu Guang—”

“I wish I understood you,” Lu Guang gripped the edge of the blanket, frustration sweeping across his features. “I wish I understood what drives your rash, idiot way of thinking. There is only one person at fault for this, and it isn’t you, or Qiao Ling, the same way it isn’t the client who gave us the job that led to Emma. All blame lies with the killer, never you.”

Cheng Xiaoshi didn’t want to cry again. He’d done enough of it the day he’d sat in the interrogation room and believed that his best friend was dead, but heat welled up in his eyes and his hands began to tremble. He took a thin breath through his teeth as he clenched his jaw, leant back in the chair, tipped his head back too.

“I thought you were gone,” he said to the air, to the ceiling, anything other than Lu Guang himself. “I thought Qiao Ling would be ruined by it, too. I thought you were both gone and I’d be alone again, and it didn’t even seem like a surprise because I knew it would happen one day. I’m just clinging on to borrowed time, waiting for it to run out.”

“Borrowed time?”

“Sometimes I wonder if I’m living out moments that my future will dive back to,” he said, voice quivering just like his hands. “I used to take pictures to try and preserve what I had. Now I take them to give my future self some security. No matter what happens, I can always return to that moment. I can feel the heat on my skin, or hear Qiao Ling calling me some stupid name, or laugh with you about some show. I love this power I have, but at the same time, sometimes I wonder if I’d have been better off without it.”

Lu Guang listened, because it was what he was best at doing. “You seem like the type to act,” he’d said once, years and years and years ago now, sounding wistful and longing.

“Sounds like you’re the observant one,” Cheng Xiaoshi had replied, and if only he’d known how right they both were, how well they knew the other despite being nothing more than friendly strangers.

“I won’t tell you not to worry, because you will,” Lu Guang said eventually. “Sorry, it’s hard to order my thoughts. Give me a moment…right. Listen. Are you listening?”

“I guess.”

“Nostalgia is a liar, Cheng Xiaoshi. When you look at the past, it always looks better than the moment you’re living in, because there’s an uncrossable gulf between you and it. But there has never been anything better in my life than the moments spent in the sunroom where we did nothing but lounge around, or nap, or lose video games to Qiao Ling. There has never been anything better in my life than the both of you, but if I were given the choice between reliving those days or making new memories with you in the present, then I know what I would choose.”

It was, perhaps, the most open that Cheng Xiaoshi had ever heard Lu Guang be. He leant forward again, looking his friend in the eye properly. He drank in the sight of him, broken and bruised and gaunt, but gloriously alive in a way Cheng Xiaoshi had not thought possible three weeks ago, and it broke something inside him.

He rocked forwards onto the bed with a shuddering sob, and despite his stitches, despite his IV and his tubes and his ruined body, Lu Guang still put his arms around him. Still drew him close, still held him the same way he had the night Cheng Xiaoshi punched him hard enough to send him tumbling.

The memory of that picture resurfaced again, Lu Guang holding the basketball, Qiao Ling with her distorted expression, Cheng Xiaoshi in the bottom half of the frame. Through his sobs, he laughed. “So, what you’re saying is…you really like to stop and smell the roses?”

“Living in the now isn’t so bad,” Lu Guang said, and though Cheng Xiaoshi couldn’t see his face, he could hear the smile in his hoarse voice. “Even if all we do is spend our time in the past.”

“Maybe after this,” Cheng Xiaoshi mused, “we could do more photoshoots for clients instead of time-jumping.”

“With what clientele?”

“The ones we’re going to get by smothering your handsome face all over the shop ads.”

“I’m not sure advertising someone who looks like death will do much for our business.”

“You’ll look better by then,” Cheng Xiaoshi said. “We’ve got to get the killer before we do that, anyway, so we can let everyone know you’re actually, you know, not dead.”

Lu Guang laughed above him, only to tense when it likely pulled at his wound. He took a moment to recover before asking, “Feeling better now?”

Better was hard to quantify. Of course, part of him was still crushed and it would be until the entire case was put to bed, but compared to minutes ago, it felt like a weight had been lifted from his chest. Breath came easier. Lu Guang was warm against him despite the cold. He was alive. He wasn’t going to leave. In the back-and-forth of their conversation, it almost felt normal.

Things went silent between them. Cheng Xiaoshi stayed there for an unknowable amount of time, right up until Lu Guang’s arms went lax around him. He stayed a few seconds longer, before opening his mouth again to speak.

“If you’d known,” Cheng Xiaoshi said, then stopped, searching for the courage to ask the question. “Do you remember the classroom?”

The answer came delayed, but Lu Guang sounded lost when he said, “Classroom?”

“Oh, sorry, that was totally out of context. Uh, when we were in high school, after we played basketball that one time. I think I was hanging out there and you came in. Do you remember that?”

He extracted himself carefully from Lu Guang’s hold. When he looked up, he found that his eyes had gone a little glassy, a little gauzy, the kind of look Cheng Xiaoshi had seen on him too many times in the ICU when he was awake, but not really awake. He feared for a moment that he’d lost him to whatever crap they had in the IV, or just general exhaustion from exerting himself, but then he nodded, a slow, imperceptible movement. “Yeah. You had a camera. I’d left a book behind.”

“Oh, so you can remember that, but not what happened yesterday?” Cheng Xiaoshi’s teasing seemed to fall on deaf ears, though, as Lu Guang only blinked languidly. “Never mind. I should let you rest.”

“No…say what you wanted to say.”

It felt stupid now he’d had a moment to ruminate on it. But Lu Guang was fading fast, whatever he said wasn’t something he’d be likely to remember, so he carried on anyway. “I think it was the first time we talked properly, and I can’t really remember most of the small stuff we said, but…if you knew then that this would happen, that you’d end up here, would you still have talked to me that day?”

Lu Guang’s eyes closed, head lolling forward. It was what Cheng Xiaoshi had expected, but it was still a little disappointing. He stood putting his hands on Lu Guang’s shoulders to begin the gentle work of getting him lying flat again—only for his eyelids to flutter at the touch.

“I think,” he said, “that I would have done it even if I’d thought I’d die here.”

Then, he was gone again, sleep claiming him swiftly. Cheng Xiaoshi wordlessly laid Lu Guang down, drawing the blanket back over him. Then, he sat back in the chair at the bedside, counted his breaths, and wrapped his arms around himself.

You’re loved, he thought to himself, again, again, again. It was something he’d never really believed, not until now. Even Lu Guang and Qiao Ling’s constant companionship hadn’t been able to convince him of it, but this—this did. And though it had been dreadful, though he’d lived through horror and fear and despair, Cheng Xiaoshi realised that Lu Guang was right.

No matter how he much he relived his past, he would never find that single reassurance there. It was only in the present he could make his peace. Only by living in the moment could he be satisfied. Only in smelling the roses could he realise the beauty of it all.

~x~

Spring brought with it singing birds, budding flowers, a closed case, and Lu Guang.

Cheng Xiaoshi and Qiao Ling took him home together on one crisp morning, the three of them riding the taxi with a boba tea for each of them. Lu Guang had filled out in the last month, not quite at a healthy weight but healthier, the clothes that Cheng Xiaoshi had grabbed out of his wardrobe fitting far better than they would have during the worst of it. Sat in the back of the taxi, it was close enough to normality that it was almost enough to think that none of it had ever happened, that it was just another ordinary day.

And maybe it was, the first in what would hopefully be a long string of them. The taxi parked in front of the photo studio, the driver gave them his well-wishes, and then he was gone.

It was just them and the photo studio.

“I never did ask about the couch,” Lu Guang said suddenly, looking a little pale as he faced the shopfront. Cheng Xiaoshi figured it made sense; Lu Guang hadn’t been back since the night he’d been stabbed, while Cheng Xiaoshi had no choice but to sleep only a short distance away from the scene of the crime. It had desensitised him in a way he hadn’t realised.

“It was evidence for a little while,” Cheng Xiaoshi admitted. “Then I got rid of it with Captain Xiao Li’s help. Couldn’t be helped. Too, uh, stained.”

“The room probably looks empty without it.”

“Yeah, it did, which is why we begged Qiao Ling’s dad to pitch in for a new one. It’s mega comfy, swear!”

Qiao Ling nodded enthusiastically. “Super flumpy. Soft too. Dad spent a fortune on it, so you’ve got no choice but to love it!

Cheng Xiaoshi went in first, unlocking the door and shivering as the cold air of the studio hit him. He went to get the heating on, and found Lu Guang and Qiao Ling in the sunroom inspecting the new couch. His memories flittered back to that hideous night all those months ago, but he shoved them aside just quickly. The past was the past. The present was now.

And just like that, Lu Guang was home. The store stayed shut as they celebrated with breakfast and Qiao Ling’s laptop, where she brought up all the funniest viral videos she’d collected in the last few days. Hours melded together as they lounged in the company of one another on the sofa, trading anecdotes of the police station, the hospital, everything that had been missed.

Eventually, Qiao Ling left for home as evening fell, and Lu Guang, who was not allowed to lift anything heavier than his books and banned from strenuous activity for the foreseeable future (his next check-up) was banished to the bottom bunk.

“I can climb up,” he protested half-heartedly.

“I’m sure you can, but the doctor said you can’t, so don’t blame me,” Cheng Xiaoshi replied, launching his pillow at him. “Give it up, Lu Guang, you’re staying down there.”

“Your restless sleeping will keep me up all night.”

“Guess you’re gonna have to get used to it.”

“I’m going back to the hospital bed.”

“Oh? After all those complaints? All those nights of, I miss the bunk, Cheng Xiaoshi! I miss you rattling the bedposts, I miss you sleep-talking, I miss—”

“I never said that.”

“You did. Well, the missing-the-bunk part, anyway.” Cheng Xiaoshi snorted. “It’s not forever, just like the hospital ward wasn’t. You’ll get the top-bunk back eventually.”

Lu Guang grumbled something, but he wasn’t petty enough to argue a case he’d already lost, so it was with that they both burrowed into bed. Being up so high felt like a privilege, a novelty, and utterly wrong all at once. The ceiling was so close that if he reached out, he’d be able to brush his fingers against it.

But in the silence of the room, he could hear Lu Guang breathing, filling space that had been left hollow for too many months. Somewhere along the way he’d grown used to that silence, had learned to live with it, but he hadn’t realised just how much he’d missed it until now.

“Hey, Lu Guang?” Cheng Xiaoshi said, his voice made louder in the dark.

“Yeah?”

He’d missed this, too. The closeness, being able to call out and know he was there, not needing to pull up his phone and dial a number to reach him. “I never said it before, but welcome home.”

A beat. A moment so quiet that Cheng Xiaoshi maybe wondered if he was already asleep. But then his answer, quiet but firm, cut through the darkness like a gentle flame. “I’m home.”

~x~

Peace was fragile. Cheng Xiaoshi had learned as much as a child, where the transition between being a normal child and a parentless one had occurred in a heartbeat. Normality was a butterfly’s wing, delicate, beautiful, in danger of being torn by any number of outside factors.

Peace was fragile. That lesson had been reinforced the day they went from two guys running a less-than-ordinary photo studio to the targets of a serial killer. Cheng Xiaoshi had forgotten many things from that night—the time on Lu Guang’s bloodied watch, if it was dark or light at the window, the twist of Qiao Ling’s voice drunk on power—but the crisp air of the sunroom stayed with him, the coppery scent of blood, the sticky consistency as he pressed his hand to a still-bleeding wound.

But it was past. Gone, just like every other terrible moment he’d lived through. That was not to say it didn’t haunt him; he’d spent enough nights staring at the ceiling after being jolted awake from a too-real dream to know the finer details might always stay with him. But a haunting was just that; a phantom of the past, something that he could maybe ignore, given time.

Days came, went. He divided his time between the present and the future, making money for the next month of rent through his usual means, and, occasionally, with a dive backwards. Qiao Ling still advertised their services, but Lu Guang had become pickier with what they did. Simple jobs; nothing that could attract danger to their doorstep—making lives better, but on a smaller scale.

Cheng Xiaoshi could live with that, he thought, as he pressed the shutter on a woman glancing to her left, her eyes bright and shining, a headshot to advertise her new novel. He hoped she would do well, and considered buying a copy for Lu Guang when it released.

Life went on. The shadows beneath Qiao Ling’s eyes gradually faded, her presence brighter every time she brought boba tea and news of their friends to their doorstep. Lu Guang was given the all clear for light exercise, and they switched bunks anew. Occasionally, there were hiccups. Qiao Ling calling up to say, not today after they’d made plans, or Lu Guang, as restless as he claimed Cheng Xiaoshi was, caught in a nightmare of the ICU again, but they made do.

Wounds healed into scars, and sometimes those scars, raised and irritable, were impossible to ignore. Cheng Xiaoshi had slapped Lu Guang’s hand away from his stomach enough times to know.

But peace, for all its fragility, was all the more beautiful because of it.

It was one Sunday afternoon, just as spring was trading places with summer. The shop was shut, and it was the time of day when families would be at parks, the sea, eating ice-cream on a pier somewhere or drinking ice-cold drinks beneath the shade of the tree. Cheng Xiaoshi towelled his hair dry as he wandered to the sunroom after taking his shower, his loose, cotton shirt and shorts enough to beat the oncoming heat.

He found Lu Guang on the floor a couple of feet from the sofa, a pillow behind his head as he laid directly in the sunlight, a book in his hands. The entire room had a golden hue that reminded Cheng Xiaoshi of another time, another place, rambunctious shouting from somewhere below, balls bouncing on a court, a perfectly normal day some six years past.

“What’cha doing on the floor?” he asked.

“Best place to catch the sun,” Lu Guang replied. It could have been a lie; the couch was not shaded, or it could have been the truth; maybe the couch just didn’t have enough. Cheng Xiaoshi had long since stopped questioning him when it came to things like this, not when they all had their own neuroticisms born from that day. If Lu Guang didn’t want the couch, then he didn’t want the couch. It was no big deal.

Cheng Xiaoshi stopped in the middle of the room, looking down at his friend. He basked in his presence, in his dark eyes as they focused hard on the words before him, in the glow of his white hair in the sunlight, in the furrow of his brow when he flipped a page. Handsome, he’d always called him, always jokingly, but the truth of the matter was that he’d always meant it.

“You’re staring,” Lu Guang said, eyes not leaving his page. “What did you want?”

A hundred excuses came to mind. Wanted to ask what you wanted for dinner, wanted to see if you wanted to watch a show, wanted to ask your opinion on a shirt, but the truth slipped out instead. “Just to see you.”

Lu Guang raised his eyebrows. “You do that every day.”

“Yeah, well. What can I say? You’re nice to look at.”

Cheng Xiaoshi laughed as Lu Guang clicked his tongue. The heat was pleasant, dust motes floating like gauzy stars in sun’s rays. He was hyper-aware of every aspect, the exact shade of brown as light bounced from the floorboards, Lu Guang’s laptop whirring on the desk where it had been abandoned in rest-mode, the curl of his wet hair against the nape of his neck. All the fine details he would lose to time.

But right now, he knew them intimately. It felt like the right moment to ask a question that had been hanging over him. “Do you remember when I came to see you in the hospital?”

A soft snort. “You came a lot of times.”

“Okay, yeah, I did, but I mean one specific time. The first time I brought you books.”

Lu Guang dropped his current novel face-down onto his chest, eyes flicking up and right as he thought. “I think…that was the time you brought food, and asked me if it was okay to eat it. Because I was still on the tube, right?”

“That’s the one.” Cheng Xiaoshi crossed the room, sitting cross-legged at his side as he tossed the towel aside. “You remember what we talked about?”

Another furrow of the brow. “Something about time?”

He wondered if this was how Lu Guang had felt, the day after the party when he’d woken up and said, “Do you remember what you asked me last night, Cheng Xiaoshi?” Had he been frustrated, beneath that calm veneer? Had he been desperately hoping that he had remembered?

“A lot of our conversations were about time,” Cheng Xiaoshi said, no longer feeling like following up on it. It was months ago now. Even if he hadn’t been on a hundred different drugs, it would have been a stretch to imagine he would recall it. “Don’t worry about it. It’s fine, I was just interested in if you’d managed to get any of those memories back.”

“Hm.” It was a non-committal sound. Wondering if he would go back to his book, Cheng Xiaoshi drew his phone from his pocket and popped open a strategy game to distract himself. He’d just gotten into a campaign, sliding units about the screen when Lu Guang said, “Did you ask me about high school?”

Cheng Xiaoshi paused, the unit he was holding hovering over the target. “Uh, yeah, I did.”

“About…if I would still have spoken to you, even if I knew what would happen.”

Swallowing thickly, Cheng Xiaoshi closed the app. He let the phone hang in his hand, unable to look Lu Guang in the eye. “So you do remember.”

“I thought I dreamt it,” Lu Guang admitted, drumming his fingers against the wood floor. “I had a lot of conversations with you and Qiao Ling that I don’t think ever happened. But apparently this one did. Before you ask, yes, I meant what I said to you. It wasn’t drug-induced, or whatever stupid justification you’re thinking up.”

Cheng Xiaoshi’s heart pounded hard against his ribcage. He flopped backwards, head hitting the remaining space on the pillow, Lu Guang’s hair tickling his cheek as he pressed his face into his. “Cheng Xiaoshi—” Lu Guang began, both fond and irritated, only to cut himself off when Cheng Xiaoshi threw his arm over his chest. They laid there a moment, just the two of them, breathing, breathing, breathing.

“Alright,” Lu Guang said. “Let me try then. If you knew about the outcome, would you still have carried on the conversation that day?”

There was no question about it. For every low moment, a higher one came. For every past happiness, there was a moment of crippling despair, but the same also rang true for the present. For the sunlight, for the motes of dust, for the press of warm skin against skin, Qiao Ling’s laughter, Lu Guang’s reassurances. For all of it, and this singular moment, Cheng Xiaoshi would do it again, again, again.

“Yeah,” he said, his phone forgotten next to him, the urge to snapshot and preserve the moment long since having dissipated. “I would.”

#Link Click #Cheng Xiaoshi #Lu Guang #shiguang daili ren #My Writing

[lire-casander]

i hear your name in every word i say

surprise! i bet you didn't expect me to post today, did you? well, @wtfuckevenknows @moviegeek03 and @laelipoo did (because you're such enablers and you know it!), but i wanted to keep this as much a secret and a surprise as i could because i didn't know whether or not i could be able to post this in time.

special thanks go to @morganaspendragonss and @de-ligts for the fastest beta-reading in the whole world. you guys rock!

if you're reading on a computer, please roll over the spanish texts to find the translation. if you aren't and need translation, please let me know and i will do my best to come back to you with it asap!

the title and quote from last part of this story come from hanson's song every word i say. but there are more songs by them that have inspired me to write this story, especially underneath, a song to sing, save me, never let go, and with you in your dreams. if you've been around long enough, you probably know by now that they're my comfort band, and they've got a song for every single emotion out there. name one emotion, i can easily quote a hanson song back at you.

you will also find quotes from ronen and rafael's exclusive interview with entertainment weekly.

i hope you enjoy reading this fic as much as i've enjoyed (and cried) writing it. i started this without having watched the finale, so at some point it might be a bit off, but no matter what, this is what i would have liked the wedding and the vows to go. just like i did a couple of years back, this story is written for me. i've tried to convey all i felt while watching this season, discovering new sides of my favorite characters and facing some things, such as grief and pain and self-growth alongside them. sometimes a person needs to do something that's deeply and intrinsically for themselves.

this is one of those times.

i love you all. thanks for being here with me this time around, and here's for another revolution around the sun!

i hear your name in every word i say

masterlist of fics here

sitting all alone in this place

even though we're here face to face

there is nothing gone

but there's something wrong

can't you see that i'm stuck here underneath

TK never thought he’d be in this situation on his wedding day. If he’s being honest with himself, four years ago he wouldn’t have even believed he was worthy of love, much less worthy of being loved so much that someone might want to tie the knot with him. But it’s not the wedding he’s worried about. They’ve postponed everything on Carlos’ request, and they will find another venue and another date that’s not so close to Gabriel’s passing, so it doesn’t hold bad memories for Carlos and his family. He knows Carlos asking for a bit of time and space doesn’t mean he doesn’t love TK anymore; he’s grown confident enough in the love they share to be aware of that. But there’s more to it than just Carlos dealing with his feelings, and TK can’t help it.

He’s worried about Carlos. That’s what true love, soulmate-level love, does to a person.

When there’s an illness, the family has some time to get used to the idea. Not to accept it, because nobody’s wired to accept death without fighting it. But the little time the illness grants gives a little perspective, precious minutes to say goodbye, to honor that person. But when death falls upon people like a stone thrown into a river, there’s no time for anything but crying, no space for anything but anger.

TK knows it well.

Carlos hasn’t been sleeping at all. TK gets it — when his mother passed, he’d fallen into unhealthier patterns than not sleeping. But it’s one thing not to sleep a wink at night and then fall asleep briefly on the couch, and a completely different thing to not want to sleep. Gabriel’s loss is still recent, merely hours, not even a full day; it’s expected that his family won’t be able to function properly yet. But Carlos’ attitude is different. Carlos isn’t just angry.

Carlos is plotting vengeance.

And it’s not that TK doesn’t get it. He does; oh, boy, does he. It’s that he knows the toll it will take on Carlos’ soul — Carlos, who has never intentionally harmed anyone, is now planning an intervention, thinking about going full Rambo on some suspect they’re not even sure is the one behind the shooting. TK doesn’t know how to help his fiancé without causing more damage that could probably be permanent. He’s aware of the stubbornness of grief and the insanity of mourning.

Neither suits Carlos, but TK can’t do anything about it without breaking the trust that he’s promised to keep.

keep reading on ao3

#lire's 40 to the 40s #offically 40 #woah i'm old #tarlos #tk strand/carlos reyes #carlos reyes/tk strand #andrea reyes #tk strand #carlos reyes #angst #mentions of grieving #mentions of death #spoilers for season 4 #spoilers for s04e17 #spoilers for s04e18 #911ls #911 ls #911 lone star #happy birthday to me!