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halfagone · 6 months

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Is it Canon or Fanon?

A little over a week ago, I received a very thought-provoking ask that wondered whether the Fenton parents could be considered good parents after everything they've done throughout the show. I did leave a response to that ask, and you can find the original answer here. But even afterwards, it had me thinking:

Why did we start depicting Jack and Maddie as Bad Parents to begin with?

I aim to answer this question through canon evidence to see where this argument might have come from. Now, something to keep in mind is that we still tend to ignore canon a lot of the time, so there may be some people who won't take this meta to mean all that much anyways. But for the purpose of fanfiction, we have to acknowledge that there needs to be an in-universe explanation to these events and sadly, the 'it's a Butch Hartman show' or 'it's an early 2000s cartoon' excuses don't really cut it.

So let's start with some basic stats. There are 49 episodes to the Danny Phantom cartoon (we will not be using the Graphic Novel, A Glitch in Time, for examples); 20 for the first season, 17 for the second, and 12 for the third. If you looked this up on Google, you might notice that these numbers don't line up with the episode list provided. This is because I counted any two-part episodes as one for convenience's sake. Season 2 has three two-parters: "Reign Storm", "The Ultimate Enemy", and "Reality Trip". Season 3 has "Phantom Planet".

Jack appears for 43 of those episodes, although he does not have any speaking lines in the episode, "Frightmare". Maddie, on the other hand, appears in 40 episodes. The three episodes that Maddie does not appear in, but Jack does, are as follows: "Memory Blank", "Flirting With Disaster", and "Double Cross My Heart".

Let's Start with Season 1:

"Mystery Meat": Jack is shown as dismissive to Danny and his friends' preferences, telling them, "True, I've never seen a ghost, but when I do, I'll be prepared. And so will you, whether you want to be or not." Later on, when Sam and Tucker are visibly shaking and Danny is panting from exhaustion, he doesn't realize something is off about this. When Jazz offers to drive Danny to school, the Fenton parents quickly assume that she's a ghost and go off to track them down... even despite her previous argument that she was mentally an adult (should I be concerned that Jazz called Danny an 'abused, unwanted wretch' to make a point to their parents?) A POINT TO MADDIE, she worried about hurting Jazz if she really wasn't a ghost but Jack quickly dismisses that, as their ghost-hunting device only hurts when gets into human hair (spoiler alert, it gets into Jazz's hair). She also insists that Danny is not a ghost, but unfortunately she ultimately doesn't try to stop Jack when he insist Jazz is a ghost. Standing aside and letting abuse play out does not mean Maddie is innocent of hurting her daughter too.

"Fanning the Flames": When Jazz and Danny are struggling to study for an upcoming test, Jack decides that they should put their kids into the 'Fenton Stockades' which is basically an iron maiden. And yes, the Fentons have an entire floor that is meant to torture people. I feel like that should probably be addressed at some point. A POINT TO MADDIE, she stood her ground and refused to let him put their children inside, and even locks him inside instead.

"Teacher of the Year": After hearing displeasing news about the state of Danny's grades in a parent-teacher conference, Maddie lectures Danny by saying, "Get this straight Danny. You're a Fenton. Fentons get As. Or in your father's case, B minuses." Before this, when Danny tried to explain himself, Jack shuts him up with, "Now that's enough of your sass talk mister." Do a lot of parents act like this? Yes. Does that make this a good, conductive way to help your child improve their grades? No, it does not. In fact, Maddie's response in particular probably reinforces the idea that Danny doesn't fit in with the rest of his family and further proves that Jazz is the favorite child. Not a great parenting moment.

"Fright Knight": In this episode, Jack tells Danny, "If I didn't consider it a sign of weakness, I'd weep with joy!" Not a very promising sign when a parent tells their child that it's wrong to show emotion. It's especially telling, however, when it's crying from joy and not even sadness. Yikes.

"13": This is the episode where Jazz 'dates' Johnny briefly, and we see Danny stalking them on their dates. I've seen people give Danny a decent amount of flack for that as well, so this would be a good time to say that the Fenton parents were there too and even encouraged him to keep stalking his sister. Danny was wrong to ignore Jazz's privacy like that, but he definitely learned it somewhere.

"Public Enemies": Here we see more of the Fenton parents' aggression towards ghosts. We get a line from Jack: "I'm gonna tear that ghost kid apart into a million different-" Notice something here? He recognizes that Phantom is a ghost 'kid' and yet still fully intends to shoot at him with the intent to hurt if not straight-up kill him. The only time Maddie disagrees with him is to insist that she does the dirty work because she has better aim than him. These are not the type of people you should let children stay with.

"Maternal Instincts": Okay, I gotta say it, this is a really cute episode. We get to see Maddie reminiscing over how close she and Danny used to be and wishing they had that bond again. Unfortunately she does get some points docked off for deciding what they should do as a bonding activity instesd of asking what Danny wanted to do and maybe learning more about his interests and who he is as a person now that he's a teenager. But there is this really sweet moment where Maddie tells Danny 'I love you' at the campsite which absolutely melted my heart and then later on when she saves Danny from the ghosts, Danny tells her she's awesome and gives her a hug. So sweet. But then she kinda ruins it by asking her son to act as a distraction and- Please do not ask your teenage children to keep skeevy old guys 'entertained' when you know he's a creep. A POINT TO JACK, while all this is going on he's defending his daughter and even shouts, "Back off, she's a minor!" That's some Dr. Doofenshmirtz energy right there, I respect it. He also talks about making Jazz an action figure, which was a really cute moment amidst the chaos.

"The Million Dollar Ghost": This episode is filled with some great Danny-Jack bonding moments and goes to show how much Danny cares about his father that he's willing to get caught to make Jack feel better about himself. We also get to see how much Jack cares about how Danny views him and he wants to be someone in Danny's eyes. Unfortunately, this is the episode where Danny gets lectured for not doing all his lab chores, such as cleaning the beakers and changing the ecto-filtrator- despite knowing that the portal could blow up if they don't change in time and knowing that Danny is bad at cleaning his own room. And we literally get a scene where Jack knocks something over and tells Danny to clean it up because he was too busy running around to do it himself. Is it important to give children chores? Yes, it teaches them responsibility. You should not be asking them to deal with hazardous, dangerous chemicals that can literally cause an explosion capable of killing people. Something to keep in mind.

Now let's look at Season 2:

"Doctor's Disorders": In this lovely (sarcasm) episode, we have Jack saying to Danny's face: "Poor Jazz. She's always been my favorite." I don't feel like this one needs much more explanation for how horrible this is. Also, this isn't really too relevant to the bad-parent-thing and more to the "they wouldn't take Danny's reveal well under other circumstances" thing, because Maddie literally says to Tucker: "Everybody knows humans can't have ghost powers." Which would technically, probably, dehumanize Danny in their eyes.

"Identity Crisis": There's one line in particular in this episode I wanted to point out, which is from Jack where he says, "Safety features? Why, safety features are for punks." ...I know this is probably supposed to be a joke, but when you think about it, it's even worse than you might think. In fanon we do tend to stress how forgetful the Fentons are when it comes to lab safety, but it's one thing to forget and it's a whole other thing to purposefully dismiss it. I could even argue that we're doing the Fentons a service by characterizing them as simply forgetful.

"The Fenton Menace": This is one of the episodes I referenced in the original ask as well, for its... plethora of concerning material. There are lines such as, "Whether it's air land or sea I won't stop until we capture a ghost and tear it apart. Molecule by molecule." A POINT TO MADDIE, she told her family she loved them by saying, "Nothing like spending quality family time with the people you love." However she immediately loses those points when she and Jack attempt to 'spin the crazy' out of Danny. The episode transcript reveals Danny's reaction to this, which is described by, "Danny screaming, his face and hair flying around. Zoom out to show him strapped to a table, which is attached to a metal arm. Zoom out to show the metal arm connected to a centrifuge-like device on the ceiling." As well as, "Danny is shaking, hair sticking up with bags under his eyes." Is this supposed to be a joke? I wouldn't know because quite frankly, I'm not laughing.

"The Fright Before Christmas": So in this episode we learn why Danny hates Christmas! Which is because he got peed on by a dog. As a baby. What kind of parent lets their baby get peed on by a dog? Again, child neglect is a criminally punishable offense, and if they had left him out, in the cold, with dog piss on him, we could have had a lot bigger problems here. They also ignore both their children for most of this episode due to their arguing, although they go back later on and tell Danny that he shouldn't be alone for Christmas and where was all this concern before?

"Secret Weapons": Ah... This is the episode where it happens. Here we get the infamous interaction. Please note how a ghost is referred to as an 'it'. Not a person, not even a kid. But an 'it' that can feel pain that will go ignored.

Jazz: "Does it hurt the ghost?" Maddie: [laughs] "Oh, Jazz! You know your father and I don't care about that. Jack: "Yeah! If we hear it scream, then we know it's working."

"Micro-Management": At the very end of this episode, Jack makes a comment to Danny, "I'm so proud. Our boy finally has the physical prowess of a 60 year old president. Here's to you son." Clearly it's meant to be a compliment, but I don't know about you guys, but I wouldn't take this as a compliment.

"Masters of All Time": This one takes a more distressing turn, because after Maddie catches Danny for snooping around, she has his strapped down to a table and fires a laser at him to interrogate him, thinking he's a ghost (though the laser doesn't hit him, just threatens him, which... isn't much better). And this is after he's already insisted that he's her son. He is still very clearly a child, and even if she doesn't believe that he's her son (for admittedly understandable reasons, people usually remember when they bear children), the fact that she strapped him to a table at all does not look favorably on her. Especially when he very clearly believed that she was his mother, and he was her son. And she still did this to him. Yes, there were time shenanigans involved, but that doesn't make this any easier on Danny just because he knows the truth.

"Reality Trip": This episode showcases that the Fenton parents can actually be decent parents. While they have a hard time believing the truth at first, they do eventually accept it. However, it is still important to remember that Danny could have never known what their reaction would be, so his fear is understandable and rooted in real concern for his life. Here are some of the best points from this transcript:

Jack: "Imagine, our own son has had ghost powers all this time and has kept them a secret from us. [confused] But we love him! [turning to Maddie] I wonder why he didn't trust us enough to tell us." Jazz: "[sarcastically] Hmm, let me guess. [mimicking Jack] "Hey, Maddie, let's destroy the ghost!" [mimicking Maddie] "No, Jack, let's dissect the ghost." [mimicking Jack again] "I know, let's catch the ghost and rip it apart molecule by molecule!" [normal voice, sarcastic again] You guys are so understanding." [Jack and Maddie drop their gazes, ashamed.]

Moving onto Season 3:

"Eye for an Eye": This is more a passing mention, but Jack seems to be a little obsessed with the GIW and huge fans of their work, and you do see it some more in "Livin' Large" later on in the season as well.

"Girls' Night Out": We see Jack trying to make an effort with Danny in this episode again. I did point out in the original ask reply that Jack was obviously trying to be a good father for Danny, which definitely deserves some points. However, it is still important to point out how generally uninterested Danny was in the bonding activity. It goes back to how Maddie ignored the chance to give Danny a choice, and how dismissive they tend to be towards him. I still want to award Jack a point for looking for advice from 'Father/Son Relationships For Stupids!' but I do so half-heartedly. Their interactions in this episode definitely reek with discomfort, but considering everything that has gone down in between now and "The Million Dollar Ghost", that does make sense.

"Torrent of Terror": This is another instance of extreme lack of safety precautions- the airbags don't deploy? In the GAV??? Somewhere out there, OSHA is crying.

"Forever Phantom": Maddie and Jack show a lot of anti-Phantom rhetoric in this episode. So this tracks how uncomfortable and/or threatened Danny might feel at home. Some examples include:

Jack: "He keeps this up he's liable to make people forget he's nothing but a putrid rancid ball of self-aware protoplasm."

Maddie: "Don't be fooled sweetie. He's up to something. Remember that time he attacked the mayor? Or stole everyone's Christmas presents? Once a filthy ghost always a filthy ghost."

"Livin' Large": Something to remember, the GIW intend to fire a missile into the Ghost Zone after gaining access to the Fentons' portal. While they didn't have the password right away, it cannot be understated that the Fentons basically gave away their house in exchange for wealth. Thankfully the missile was just a fake and not a real weapon of mass destruction, but do not mistake this to mean that- had it been real- the GIW wouldn't have gone through with it. And the Fenton parents would have been just as responsible.

And that concludes our canon research for this argument! Let's wrap things up with some stats. Of the 49 episodes in the show, we have evidence in 21 episodes. That is roughly 43% of the show, and this does not include comments that Danny has made about his parents and how they treat him. Obviously, at the end of the day, human error is possible. There is always a chance that I could have missed another piece of information, or perhaps another thoughtful addition to this list. However, 43% is no laughing matter.

Yes, the Fenton parents had their shining moments, but with all the other evidence presented that overshadows those little gems, can you confidently say that they are good parents? And most of all, if you were in Danny's shoes, would you say the same thing?

It's easy to excuse this as a cartoon. When you're writing in this world, playing with these characters, that excuse instantly evaporates.

Thank you for reading, I hope you all learned something about the Fenton parents like I did.

#danny phantom #dpxdc #jack fenton #maddie fenton #fanon vs canon #character analysis #show analysis

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blacknedsoul-blog · 2 months

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A detailed explanation from my headcanon that Annabel has ADHD

So I had this six fucking hour trip. On a bus. Alone. And I was bored out of my mind, because sitting around being bored is as close to mental torture as it gets for me.

Fortunately, the light at the end of the tunnel: I was inspired. Away from the burnout I have with fanfics, I remembered that I've mentioned this headcanon several times on Nevermore's Discord and just thought, what better time to talk about ADHD than when I'm having a pretty ADHD moment?

But before I start, there are a few little things that need to be pretty clear on the table:

I'm being a bit hypocritical here: in general, I'm deeply against diagnosing fictional characters for two reasons: first, it's an impossible task to distinguish between character traits and symptoms to such an extent that you can go around forever without coming to a real conclusion unless the author of the work confirms it, and second, even if you have the disorder you're talking about, you can fall into the trap of perpetuating stereotypes or generalizing, thereby invalidating other experiences. So even if the tone of this review sounds very assertive, it is because of my writing style. I am in no way diagnosing Annabel; this is an analysis of her character through the lens of a possible disorder.

In relation to the above, where I point out an event in the comic that can be read as a symptom, I am not reducing it to "this only happens because she has ADHD". You CAN'T reduce a person's personality to "they has a disorder," and when I point out these examples, I'm not doing so with the intention of denying the background behind it, but rather pointing out how, under the magnifying glass of having it, it might exacerbate that behavior.

I am NOT a psychologist, a psychiatrist, or a neurologist: I am a woman with ADHD. One who has done a lot of research on the subject, been in therapy with a psychologist who specializes in the disorder, and talked extensively about it both with friends who also have it and with professionals. But I don't have a career in mental health, I don't pretend to, and everything you'll read below is a mixture of research and personal experience.

You're going to see a lot of "we" or "those of us with ADHD" because, as I said, I have it too, but this is all a generalization made for the sake of flow. The symptoms of this disorder can be expressed in many different ways, and not everyone has all of them (for example, there are some that I don't have, but it would be strange to change the voice of the text just because of that, it makes it harder to read). If you have ADHD and read a symptom and think "hey, I don't get that", that's perfectly normal. Your experience is valid and I don't want to pass it on. But it would be exhausting for me and for the reader to use tentative phrases all the time.

If this text resonates too much with you, I strongly recommend that you see a professional, if you're able, and not self-diagnose: ADHD has many symptoms in common with autism and other neuro divergences, don't risk misdiagnosis.

If you have a different opinion than mine on this subject and want to share it with me, I'll be happy to read it, if I don't answer it's because I forgot (forgive me?). But you can be sure that I will read it.

Anyway, let's get started.

What is ADHD?

According to the NIH (National Institute of Mental Health) website, this is the definition of ADHD:

Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is marked by an ongoing pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity-impulsivity that interferes with functioning or development. People with ADHD experience an ongoing pattern of the following types of symptoms:

Inattention means a person may have difficulty staying on task, sustaining focus, and staying organized, and these problems are not due to defiance or lack of comprehension.

Hyperactivity means a person may seem to move about constantly, including in situations when it is not appropriate, or excessively fidgets, taps, or talks. In adults, hyperactivity may mean extreme restlessness or talking too much.

Impulsivity means a person may act without thinking or have difficulty with self-control. Impulsivity could also include a desire for immediate rewards or the inability to delay gratification. An impulsive person may interrupt others or make important decisions without considering long-term consequences.

Here is an impression that needs to be clarified: ADHD is more about an inability to regulate attention than a lack of it. A neurotypical person may choose to focus on a task to get it done, we may procrastinate to death because even if we want to, we can't focus on it, or stand there absorbed in it ad infinitum until the house falls down around us (and we may still have trouble noticing). This is understood, Understanding all this, here is the list of Annabel's behaviors that could be interpreted as symptoms.

Hyperactivity

One thing that not everyone knows is that hyperactivity is not about running around like an uncontrolled animal. It can manifest itself in many ways, and there are many types: physical, mental, and even emotional.

In Annabel's case, she seems to be the first two types.

Perhaps due to her difficulty in expressing emotions, it is quite obvious at this point in the comic that her moods are made explicit through gestures: playing with her rings when she is happy or nervous, touching the ribbon around her neck in moments of anxiety, or playing with her hair almost as a default state.

Annabel.

Doesn't.

Sit.

Still.

Never.

It is also clear that Annabel is always planning something. Always.

This can be read into the logic of mental hyperactivity: when you have it, your brain just doesn't stop. Ever. And that's something that resonates with this lady.

Emotional Dysregulation

The part of the brain that regulates our moods works…erratically. Not to say it doesn't work at all.

This leads to a painfully common problem in women with ADHD: lack of emotional regulation is seen as drama, and instead of being taught tools to deal with it, we are taught to repress and bottle up emotions.

Annabel has highly internalized this as a defense mechanism. But here's the thing: if repressing emotions instead of learning how to deal with them in a healthy way is harmful, being biologically unable to regulate them can be even worse.

It touches the right nerves, and if you catch us flying low, it can cause explosive outbursts.

Possibly violent reactions to feeling offended or uncomfortable.

Or completely over-the-top reactions that we can't control.

And it's not just anger that's affected, it's the whole emotional spectrum. Another emotion that is very noticeable is fear. If we don't develop tools to help us calm down, we don't get scared, we panic.

If this happens too often, we can become prone to developing severe anxiety or frequent attacks.

We may also have great difficulty dealing with frustration. Our brains love rewards, and feeling that we're not getting them because of our own inability to do something can be downright annoying. And if we don't have the tools to express our frustration appropriately, we can have quite childish reactions, ranging from temper tantrums to…pouting.

I find it funny how several of these pouts are caused by Lenore, a bit like "Oh, come on, honey, what are we talking about?"

Another important thing to note here is that one of the most fucked up and notorious symptoms of this lack of emotional regulation is RSD, short for Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, defined as "a problem that interferes with your ability to regulate your emotional responses to feelings of failure and rejection. While rejection is almost always unpleasant, people with RSD experience overwhelming levels of emotional pain. This can lead to long-term mental health problems, fear of failure, and behavioral changes that negatively affect them throughout their lives."

Rejection and fear of failure are a problem for us. So much so that we may seek strategies to avoid it as much as possible, even when it causes us problems (such as not completing a task for fear of doing it wrong). This is an issue that can tear us apart emotionally.

Annabel is terrified of being rejected or despised. Her whole life has been built around appearances and getting the right people interested in her. If she can't do that, what good is she?

And that's something that comes up a lot in her relationship with Lenore. Repeatedly, in fact, but my favorite has to be this one:

Annabel thought it would be the smart thing to do to break that bond because she knows they're never going to see each other again. But the look on her face when Lenore calls her a "damn liar" is just painful to watch. I think ripping her heart out with a rusty spoon would have hurt less.

Finally, on the subject of things that aren't so funny: that thing Annabel does about biting her fingers when she's in a critical situation is something I used to do, too (only I'd bite my knuckles or palms).

My psychologist explained to me that when you feel like you're losing control, you immediately look for something to ground you, and unfortunately, physical pain is often a quick (if damaging) way to do that.

Codependency

Okay, here's a thing: it's not that we have a tendency as such to codependency, but this is a situation that can occur due to bad practices within a relationship. Especially a couple one.

As it stands out, people with ADHD can have a lot of problems with micromanaging ourselves, remembering things, dealing with our emotions, etc, etc, etc. And it is natural for close friends, family or our partner to help in those processes.

The problem arises when that help starts to become a parentification process where the partner who is providing support starts to do this on behalf of the other person, infantilizing them in the process.

This is a cocktail for resentment on both sides: the party calling the shots can easily feel that the other is putting a huge burden on their shoulders and not trying hard enough, while, on the other side, no one likes to feel like they are being treated like a child. Let alone that the person doing it is your partner.

But at the other end of resentment, there's codependency.

The constant feeling that you are a burden, insufficient or even disposable.

And that means you have a lot to make up for. On a regular basis. So much that you put yourself in a situation where you have to make horrible decisions so that someone else doesn't have to because somehow you owe it to them, who hasn't had that happen?

What I mean is that yes, Annabel feels like she owes this to Lenore because she only remembers the part where Lenore came kicking in doors to save her from a marriage she didn't want. And if she can't do this for her, she doesn't deserve a relationship.

Feeling inadequate, that your partner is doing you some kind of favor by tolerating you and ending up idealizing their in the process is obviously not unique to the neurodivergent experience.

But we try, we try really hard and, like anyone else, we like to feel that the effort we put in is seen and valued.

If we are not careful about that, we do indeed fall into the risk of becoming codependent. The desire to feel loved or valued becomes a constant hunger for validation from which it is difficult to escape because we are aware that our brain will never function in a different way. And if that is mixed with RSD, it can become an even bigger problem.

Novelty, games, challenges, and rewards

Producing dopamine on a normal basis is one thing our brains aren't very good at (one of the reasons we can be prone to depression, for example), but you know what they love? Challenges and rewards.

New things feed our endless curiosity, but for some reason unknown to me, our brains really love challenges and dares. They give us dopamine like we're on a high.

So much so that some people use it as a tactic to perform tasks they don't like: "How many dishes can I wash before my dinner is ready?", "If I can finish this in less than 30 minutes, I can go get chocolate."

One medium we may like very much for this reason is games. Board games, card games, or virtual games. It doesn't matter. Games provide a very good balance of challenge and reward.

If you see that Annabel seems overly interested in how this works, it's because there may be a part of her that thinks "aside from the deadly situation we're in…this is like the most hardcore escape room ever" and inevitably there's something here that stirs her bug.

It may be something she loves about Lenore. As a good hypocrite, Annabel despises the rules she knows so well, so when Lenore comes along with this gimmick and completely changes the paradigm of what she knows, there is inevitably something that appeals to her. Others who are good at the game look down on Lenore's disdain for the rules, to Annabel it is fucking appealing because it offers a range of unexplored possibilities that she fucking loves.

Erratic Communication

When our brains are running at full speed, communication can become a challenge, and we tend to exhibit erratic patterns.

One of these is info-dumping. Touch a topic we know about or are interested in and it's like stepping on a landmine: we explode talking about it. Non-stop. You'll have to hit us to shut us up.

Another thing is that we can have a bad habit of interrupting. A lot. It's not malicious, it's just that we're really into the conversation and want to participate as much as possible.

That said, even if we're extroverts, it can be a nightmare to withhold information or participate in a conversation if it doesn't grab our attention. It's not that we want to be disrespectful or anything, it's just that, again, we have no control over our ability to pay attention and we're swimming against the tide to hold on to whatever it is you're telling us.

This scene is something I've seen in friends with ADHD and have been told I do: stare at people while doing your best to do the hamster run to remember what they're telling you because you know it's important, even though your brain is putting it together with junk information because it's not engaging your attention in the right way.

Ignore the murderous stare part, it's not that common - at least I hope not.

Drinks that are like a pill

Our brains are not designed to produce certain hormones naturally or, in some cases, they produce them under other circumstances. For things like that, we can take pills, develop strategies to help our brains produce hormones.

And drink coffee. Lots of coffee.

Caffeine can be extremely relaxing for us because it can actually help our brains keep functioning, you know that stereotype of the highly coded ADHD character who drinks coffee like it's his life? Well, that's because.

You know what other beverage has a similar effect? Tea. Theine is also a natural activator, perhaps less aggressive than coffee, but it can have a similar effect.

If you're interested in describing this topic in fanfic or touching on it in fanart, tea should have a relaxing effect on Annabel and even help her concentrate.

Boredom

We get bored. A lot. And we get painfully bored. Here's what happens: boredom is caused by a lack of stimulation, and our brains aren't stimulated just because we can't regulate our attention to seek out that stimulation.

Add to that the fact that when we are bored, without dopamine hitting our receptors, our executive functions diminish and we function like shit.

Boredom

Fucking

Murder

Because our brain starts desperately asking for dopamine and we can fall into really unhealthy behaviors like fighting, being chronically online, or eating because we can't find anything better to do. This also contributes -again- to our depression or anxiety.

Conclusions (and if I don't make the joke, I'll die)

In the book ADHD After Dark (a study of ADHD, relationships, and physical intimacy), Ari Tuckman draws some interesting conclusions, one of which is that on a statistical level, people with ADHD seem to be more likely to have what he calls "sexual eagerness": kinks, fetishes, a tendency to be adventurous in bed, and the like. Again, our brains love play, and both intimacy and flirtation can involve a lot of it.

So…

Um…

…well, I think Lenore will be happy. Good for her.

Anyway, this has been a seriously long explanation. Thanks for reading this far.

#nevermore webtoon #annabel lee nevermore #lenore nevermore #white raven #annabel lee whitlock #lenore vandernacht #annabel lee x lenore #lennabel #nevermore webcomic

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elletheactualmenace · 7 months

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You Would do That for Me?

Pairing: MCU!Peter Parker x Stark!fem!reader

Summary: You hit two birds with one stone. Helping both you and Peter out in the process. Seems like a good plan, right?

Warnings: Verbal assault, Little but some physical assault, Catcalling, Bullying, annoying people just in general, swearing

Word Count: 5.04k

a/n: I tried to make this as enjoyable as I could, but some of this sucks, I tried really hard to get it to what I liked, but only some parts got there. Im hoping I’ll like the next part better. Sorry for the wait, but thanks for waiting! Also my Spanish is rusty lmk if it’s wrong.

Thoughts = “Italicized dialogue”

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3,

High school. Not the most appealing place for anyone, especially not if you are the one having to attend. You don't think there has ever been one person, that doesn't come from some high school musical bullshit world, that enjoys going to high school.

You are top of your class, and you'd think that would make it easier but that's far from the truth, specifically when you go to a school where everyone is supposed to be top of the class, or they were from the schools they had formerly attended. Smart people don't like being topped. So it isn't really personal when you get cussed out or get verbally bullied. At least you don't take it personally, not enough for people other than the ones who do it to know about it.

Today is the start of another exhausting day of school. Before you open the door to your room you once over your outfit, and mentally prepare yourself for everything that is to come. You let out a puff of air and begrudgingly walk down the hall and into the big elevator at the end of the hall.

"At least I don't have to walk down stairs," you mentally thank your father for being lazy, as you push the 'floor level' button.

"Good morning Y/n." Friday says as you walk into the kitchen.

You mumble out a 'morning' and walk over to the pantry. You pull out a box of Honey Nut Cheerios. Then you get a bowl and a spoon, placing them on the counter next to the box of cereal.

"Hey kiddo," You hear your dads voice from behind you. You smile, turning to see him leaning against the fridge with a carton of milk in one of his hands. You chuckle, and walk up to him giving him a hug. He kisses your head while hugging you

with just as much love.

"Hi dad." You say as he hands you the milk. Your dad gives you a look as he watches you tiredly get your breakfast.

"What?" You struggle to speak with a spoon full of food in your mouth.

When he doesn't say anything you ask again. "Dad, what is it?"

"Nothing, you just eat exactly like me." He chuckles out. And you scrunch your brows.

"Well how the hell else would I eat?" You ask. He gives you a pointed look, "I'm not going to quote any ancient museum piece but watch your mouth young lady." You put your hands up in apology.

“But It’s not even that bad of a word. S’not like you don’t say it.” You grumble slightly before stuffing another spoonful of Cheerios into your mouth.

“Although, that does sound like some old man I know, maybe I will let him know that you are finally starting to listen.” You give him a toothy grin and he shakes his head frantically.

“Don’t, please. I don’t want him to know he's rubbing off on me.” Your dad rambles out grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. You chuckle.

You both talk a while longer as you eat your cereal.

“How’s school? Any drama I need to know about?” You roll your eyes at him.

“No, sadly, unless you consider Peter losing one of Ned's lego pieces and not talking to him for a whole four hours,” Your dad chuckles.

“I would say that's a decent amount of drama for those two,” You dad comments, and you continue your pass time chatter.

"Oh, also, sweetie, Happy is driving you to school today," You dad says as you finish up your cereal.

"But,” you start, “dad, you said you would." Your disappointed look doesn't go unnoticed even though you try to not let it show.

"I know sweetie, but I can't today, I will try to find some time this week or next to drive you, okay honey? I'm sorry." He gives you a look of pity. And he really does want to drive you, he just can’t.

You can’t figure out why it bothers you so much. It’s just a ride to school. Maybe it’s because you barely ever see him. Maybe it’s because lately he has been more occupied with work than with his own daughter.

It bothers you that it bothers you. You shouldn’t be mad at him for working, for being a hero. You should get mad because you know it's not like he wants to blow you off.

"Yeah, um, ok," you put on a tight smile as you walk over to a counter stool that you backpack is sitting on, and sling it over one of your shoulders.

"Friday," Your dad calls out, and she immediately responds,

"Yes sir?"

"Call down Happy, and let him know, Y/n is ready to head out." Your dad finishes as he walks toward the hall leading to his office. He waves you a goodbye and you give a small smile in response.

Not even a couple minutes later Happy walks in, car keys in hand. "Come on kid, let get you to school," You nod and follow him outside.

The walk to the car is quiet. And Happy is not complaining with your ‘too tired to talk attitude’. He's not one for much unnecessary conversation. That's not to say he doesn't care for what you have to say, he just likes moments of quiet. Especially during the shitty morning.

"Hey, Happy?" You ask once he starts the car. He looks up at you through the rear view mirror letting you know he's listening.

"What did my dad have to get to?" You hear Happy sigh but don't say anything.

"Listen, your dad, he's a busy man, so it could really be anything." Happy informs you with a small sad smile, trying to make you feel better. You just nod looking down at your hands, so you don't have to look at another person trying to give you pity.

——

You slam your locker shut and turn to see Ned and Peter at their lockers that are a few away from yours. You nudge MJ and she closes her locker slightly to look at you.

"Yeah?" She asks and you nod towards the rest of your friend group. Mj doesn’t like that you called yourself that but she doesn’t have a better solution so she lets it slide.

"I'm going to go talk to them, meet up later?" You ask and she nods before bidding you goodbye.

"No, no, no, Peter, listen to me, I know it isn't a scam, because my cousins, best friends, little brother also ordered from the website and it came." Ned argues with who you are assuming is Peter.

"I don't think that's a credible source, dude. Have you even met your cousins, aunts, friends, brother?" Peter asks skeptically.

"It was my cousins, best friends, little brother." Ned grumbled out with an eye roll.

“The fact that you have to correct him just proves the point more.” You state bluntly entering the very stupid, conversation.

“See exactly!” Peter exclamins in your dereliction. Ned mumbles something out but you don’t quite catch it, Peter does though and his face goes pink and he hits Ned's arm.

“My, point proven,” Ned says quietly. And you brush it off assuming it's an inside joke. The bell rings and catches your attention.

“Okay come on you five year olds, let's stop arguing about credible sources, and whose brother said what.” You put your hands on both of their backs and push them toward your shared first period classroom.

When you walk in and find your seat. MJ is already sitting, in the seat right next to yours. And behind you Peter and Ned sit down. When the final bell rings everyone is sat down and ready for a long boring lecture.

The teacher passes out assignments and you all finish the assignment pretty quick, so, per usual, you sit around talking, or more, arguing.

“We need to agree on something and stop arguing.” MJ says calmly. You are all arguing about the movie you’re all going to watch at your house on Friday night. When someone proposes a movie, someone else always doesn't like it.

“I'm sorry MJ, but I will not watch Titanic, I can’t.” You deadpan, arms crossed over one another.

“Oh, come on Y/n! It's not that bad!” Ned tries but you shake your head with a look of utter disgust.

“It is that bad, I physically can’t watch it. I know it’s iconic or whatever, but I won’t let that movie play at my house. It’s not going to happen.” You slam your fist on Peter and Neds shared desk.

“What about Shutter Island?” Peter suggests. Looking at you for approval and you shrug. “I'm good with that.” You say.

“What's with all the DiCaprio movies?” MJ asks. And Ned groans, running his hands down his face. “So that's a no?” Ned says more of a statement than a question.

“I never said no,” She tries but you put your hand out to stop her. “You didn’t have to, it's a no.” You say tiredly.

“We have zero chance at agreeing on a movie by Friday.” Peter says resting his face in his arms that are arms crossed across the table.

“You know what else it is at zero?” Flash asks as walking past us to get to his seat after turning in the assignment.

Before you can tell him to piss off he continues. “Penis Parker’s girl game. You have Zero chance of ever getting any girl, even if they are the ugliest thing anyone has ever laid eyes on.” Flash’s friends snicker at his words and he laughs loud at his own joke. As he walks past other kids in the class he gets fist bumps.

You look at him unamused. And when you see the sad embarrassed look on Peter's face you want to respond to Flash by cussing him out, but MJ gets to him before you do.

“We get it Flash, you’re taking your insecurities out on Peter, because we all know your ‘girl game’ is peaking in high school.” MJ retorts glaring at Flash. She says girl game like it’s the stupidest terminology to use, because it is.

“His girl game is just going to keep getting better after we graduate from this high school shit hole” You add huffing out in annoyance.

Flash looks around trying to get people to stand up for him. But no one does. They all just look away or at whatever they were before.

“Whatever,” You see Flash shrink in his chair as he quietly speaks. You glance over at Peter, he gives you a small smile.

“Thanks,” he whispers. You nod smiling at him.

The rest of class he’s quiet, and you can’t help thinking that this sort of thing happens a lot. You wish you could help him more, or that you could prevent it from happening. You sigh and stand when the bell rings, the subject still on your mind.

——

“I don’t know, MJ,” You start while unlocking your locker. “I like the idea of a horror movie, but I don’t know if the boys could take it.” She shrugs,

"Well we should just make them deal with it.” You hum in consideration, “I mean come on, think about how many times Ned has made us watch Star Wars?”

You nod in agreement. She does have a point. You can’t count on one hand how many times you’ve had to sit through one of the Star Wars movies.

“Alright, fine.” You huff out, “But you’re telling them.” You poke her shoulder with your finger when you say it.

“Deal,” She takes your hand into hers and shakes it. You chuckle, shaking back.

You and MJ start heading out the front doors of the building. You spot Ned and Peter, and wave to them. Ned waves and Peter smiles.

You and MJ part ways as she heads to the subway station, and you head over to a bodega to get some food while you wait for Happy.

You cross the street walking along the white strips of color on the paved road. You pull out your phone when you get to the other side of the cross walk, to see if Happy texted you yet.

Happy:)

I’ll be there in ten.

Happy:)

Where do you want me to pick you up?

Y/n Stark

The bodega, want anything?

Happy:)

I'm good.

Y/n Stark

Cheetos it is! See you in a bit 🫡

You turn off your phone and put it in your pocket, stepping into the bodega. The man behind the counter's head shoots up when he hears the bell on the door ring.

“Hola, pequeño Sparky,” The man says.

“Hola, Sr. López,” You grin and wave. When you first met, Sr. López, he told you that you look like Tony Stark's daughter. But he said spark not Stark, it stuck. You never correct him, and you never tell him you are actually Tony Stark's daughter, because you enjoy the name just as much as he does.

“Can I get a bacon egg and cheese?” You ask and he smiles big.

“Ah of course, and cheetos for Sr. gruñón?” You nod and smile. “You know it, Sr. López”

You walk over to the shelf of chips and grab the bag of cheetos. When your order is done you pay and head outside, waving Sr. Lòpez goodbye.

“Que tenga una buena tarde, Sr. López.” You say stepping out of the bodega.

When you walk out you almost trip. You look down and notice your untied shoelace. You probably unintentionally stepped on it again. When you bend over to tie it you hear something.

More like someone. Or multiple people. You hear someone whistle, and you stand and turn around abruptly.

And that’s when you see them. The three little pieces of shit that always bother you. They are always somehow there just when you don’t want them to be. Not that you ever did want them there. They are the weirdo dickheads who never leave you alone. Somehow they always pop up out of nowhere.

The blond short kid named Derek, whistles again. Logan the tallest one begins walking over to you. The other two follow.

You quickly begin walking past them. And you get half a block before Otis the jet black haired guy grabs you by the arm and pulls you into a small alley. Derek and Logan gather around you whistling laughing. You struggle in Otis’s grip, you’re sure it will leave a big bruise.

“What the hell do you want?” You spit out and Logan tuts shaking his head.

“Well look at you,” He breathes out as you get out of Otis’s tight hold. “How is a pretty thing like you still so available?”

Derek chuckles and pushes your body against the brick alley wall with his hands.

“I have no clue, but if you want to, baby, I'm open to anything” Derek growls out, and your face turns into disgust.

“Don’t make that face, it makes you look ugly.” Otis says with a scowl.

“I have to go.” You say quietly looking down to stop your shaky breathing.

“What was that hon’?” Logan asks, leaning his face close to yours. “Couldn’t quite hear you.” You know full well he can hear you, he's just being a dick.

You snap your head up with an angry expression, glaring daggers at the boys. “I have to go.” You state firmly. You watch as their faces turn into smiles, and they begin to laugh at you.

Then you hear a ding from your pocket. Surprisingly they let you grab your phone. You wonder why until Derek snatches the phone from your hands. You try to reach for it but Otis pushes you back against the wall.

“Give it to me,” You shout. They ignore you and look at the text. “Seems like she does have to go, boys,” Logan says, tossing your phone back with an annoyed look.

“It's a shame, I would have liked to tease you more.” Otis’s comment makes you mad. You look down at your lock screen to see a text from Happy.

Happy:)

I'm here, where are you?

The boys move to make way for you. And as you walk past them you trip over Dereks, purposefully, outstretched foot. You stumble and don’t bother to look back, so you don’t have to see them cackling at you.

You quickly scurry out of the alley and towards Sr. López’s bodega. You see Happy in a black car across the street, he sees you and waves. Nodding back you cross the street.

You open the car door and slip in. You pull the Cheetos out from your bag and reach over the divider to hand them to him. He thanks you and pulls out from the parking spot.

“Where were you?” He asks, chewing on a cheeto. You shrug, rubbing your bruised arm. “Uhh, I was just walking around waiting for you.” Its a good enough lie to get him to drop the subject. The car ride from that point on is silent, uncharacteristic for you, but Happy doesn't comment as he continues driving and you eat your bacon egg and cheese.

——

You hate it.

Feeling helpless.

How could you not when you were raised by the Iron Man, and grew up around superheros, and just strong people. So, it makes your blood boil when you think about the way you let them treat you. You know how to speak up for others, but for some stupid reason your own brain is too scared to be able to defend you.

What makes you doubly angry when you walk into your house, is thinking about the way Flash and the other kids at your school treat Peter. “What makes them think they are so much better? They don’t even compare to Peter,” you think. Peter is smart and sweet and has the kindest soul of anyone you have ever come across, so it pisses you off how shitty people can be. If only you could fix both problems.

“What’s got you so grumpy?” Pepper asks as you walk past her to your room. Her voice breaks your train of thought.

“Everything,” You grumble out. Pepper hums in understanding. Pepper, although she's not biologically you family, you consider her your mother. She's always there for you and she watched and helped you grow into the person you are.

“Anything I can help you with?”

“Not really. Unless you can magically make people stop being jerks.” She chuckles as your shoulders slouch.

“Well, when I'm dealing with Jerks, I tell them to stop or I’ll fire them. I usually try to hit two birds with one stone to get them out of my life faster. So fire the problem not just one person.” Pepper says, trying to help. You nod. And you catch the end of a conversation when your dad and Clint walk in.

“So, no, there will be no boyfriends or girlfriends for Y/n for a long time.” Clint chuckles at your dad.

Your brows scrunch before your head shoots up and your face breaks into a grin. Pepper who was watching you smiles, confused.

“You are a genius, dad!” You shout as you rush over to him to kiss him on the check.

“I know,” Your dad looks surprised when he says it, but smiles anyway.

“Thanks uncle Clint,” You hug Clint quickly and he tries to hug back but you pull away before he can.

Then you run back to your mom, wrapping her in a hug, before she can say anything, or pat you back, you run off.

“Thanks mom, got to go!” You yell back to her as you rush into your bedroom.

“What was that about?” Clint asks Pepper, and she shrugs.

“I say let’s be happy, she's happy.” Tony says as he continues to walk to his lab.

When you shut the door you throw your backpack on your bed. You begin pacing back and forth in thought.

“Peter needs a girlfriend. And I need someone who can keep those assholes away from me.” You drop the pacing for tapping your foot and rubbing your chin. Your face scrunches trying to think of a solution.

“It can’t possibly be this hard to come up with something… who’s a girl who’s single, and likes Peter, or can at least tolerate pretending to like him? Who’s someone who I can have, help me?”

Your tapping gets faster as your brain works harder. “How the hell can’t I think of anything? I’m the daughter of fucking Tony Stark for goodness sake. There has to be someone-“ You cut your thoughts off and your eyes go wide at your realization.

“No.” You think shaking You head. “That wouldn’t be acceptable. We’re friends not- not…that.”

“Oh shit.” You say aloud this time. “It’s the only solution that isn’t 100% insane.” You breath out a shaky sigh. “I have to ask Peter Parker to be my boyfriend.”

——

“This is 100% insane.” You think, gripping the pole in the rocking subway cart. “I know it’s insane, he’s gonna think it’s insane.”

You got Happy to let you head over to Peters to work on ‘a project’. You do have your homework with you, but you can’t focus on anything other than the crazy conclusion you have come to. So, no homework could get done without talking to Peter.

The subway cart is pretty full, because it just hit rush hour and there’s a woman who’s standing a little close to you. You step a couple inches towards the bar.

You keep going over what you are going to say to Peter in your head. You can’t come up with a coherent sentence that doesn’t sound like you are just flat out asking him out. Well you are doing that, “but- no- not in that way” You keep telling yourself. You just have to explain the situation to him, and he’ll understand. Right?

You also have to consider the fact that no one out of school can know about it. If your dad knew you were dating someone, you think he might just kill them. You heard what he said to Clint. But what he doesn't know can’t hurt him, at least while he doesn't know. You know what the consequences are if he finds out, but you are willing to do it, for you and for Peter.

The train car pulls to a stop, and the doors open. You hear the automated voice ring through the train station as you set out of the train car. Piles of people rush in and out of the train. You dodge the hoards by swerving and slipping past them, out of habit. Living in New York, it's impulses to walk around slow people.

You climb the steps of the train station and out into the chilly air of Queens. You wrap your arms around your body, regretting the decision to ditch the jacket.

It takes a couple minutes to get to Peter and May's apartment, but once you travel up the elevator and your hand is inches from the door, all your previous courage drains from your body. You blink harshly to shake away the fear. Your heart is pounding and you can’t breathe properly.

“Just do it already, what are you scared of? its Peter,” You know there is lots to be scared of but you won’t let your mind drift that way.

You lift your hand to knock on the door, but it’s pulled open before you can make contact with the metal handle. You step back startled.

“Oh god, so sorry.” The woman in front of you says with a sigh. Your heart rate begins to slow when you hear her voice.

“No worries, Miss Parker.” You chuckle. She laughs out at your words.

“Oh please, I'm not that old Y/n, just call me May, like everyone else.” She smiles politely at you.

“I'm not everyone else.” You smile back. She shakes her head with a grin. “No you are not,”

“Well, I have to go pick something up from the store, help yourself,” she gestures inside, “Peters in his room, most likely building a lego set.” She pauses, “Or looking up ones he wants.”

You laugh and nod, waving goodbye and walking in. You take your shoes off and shut the door. You’re kind of glad May forgot to ask what you are doing here, that makes this easier at least.

You huff out looking out at the tiddy cozy apartment. You have always loved it here. It is so homey and welcoming, and it always makes you feel a little more at ease. And now is no exception.

You slip off your shoes and as you walk by the coach you put your bag down to rest.

“Peter?” You ask as you walk closer to Peter's ajar door. You see the back of his head turned down, looking at some papers on his desk. You can see the white wire of his head phones sticking out from under his chocolate brown hair.

You push the door slightly and slip through. You walk closer to him, trying to keep your heart from picking up its fast pace again. You call out to him again, and this time place a hand on his shoulder.

Peter jumps up out of his chair, trying to look intimidating in a fighting pose. But the intimidation doesn't last long because he slips on a sweatshirt on the ground and falls.

You erupt into a fit of laughter. Peters just looks startled, but when his brain finally acknowledges the situation, his eyes go wide in relief. When he gets up and you are still laughing, struggling to breathe, his cheeks go pink in embarrassment.

“It's not that funny,” he mumbles out. This only gets you laughing again. He tries to hide his smile by stuffing his face in his hands.

“Ok, ok, sorry.” You chuckle trying to slow your breathing and calm down.

“You just jumped so high and then slipped on nothing.” You say rubbing your face with a grin.

“It wasn’t nothing.” He says kicking the sweatshirt on the ground further away from him and then walks to the door.

“Mhh,” you hum in amusement following behind him.

“What are you doing here anyway?” He asks as he leads you to sit in the living room with him.

“Well,” You sigh, still a little breathless from laughing. You pause, try to create a coherent sentence that won’t make Peter run and hide. You sit in the meantime and Peter sits down next to you.

“I need to talk to you.” Your face gets more serious and it worries him. “Why? Did something happen?” He asks as his brows furrow in concern.

“No, no, no, nothing happened. Or, no. More like I want to stop something from happening again.” You realize the sentence makes the situation sound different then what it is.

“Did I do something?” Peter asks his brows furrowing further.

“No. No never. It’s just,” you trail off, and before you can pull yourself together to spit it out he cuts you off.

“Did someone else do something? Can I help?” Peter's head tilts and his lips form a frown listening attentively.

“No,” you stutter out. “Just listen to me for a second Pete.” He nods with a quick apology. Then his full attention is on you. His eyes unwavering staring into yours. Suddenly you can’t breathe, but you try to speak either way.

“You know how you get-“ you pause to rephrase. “How Flash is a dick towards you?” Peter nods slowly waiting for you to continue. You hadn’t told him about the guys bothering you, and want to keep it that way.

“And how, today he made fun of you for not having a girlfriend?” Peter nods, getting wary.

“Well, I mean-“ you stutter over your words “if you want, and feel, you know, comfortable or whatever,” you swallow the lump in your throat. He nods again, smiling softly to try and ease the tension in your shoulders and urging you on. You squeeze your eyes shut and blurt it out.

“I could pretend to be your girlfriend at school and stuff,”

When you peak an eye open, you see Peter's shoulders slumped and his eyes wide. In utter disbelief.

“Then no one would ever give you a hard time,” You quickly explain so your point doesn’t come across wrong.

You wait for Peter to say something. You wait for him to tell you no, or to say yes. You wait for him to say anything at all. But he’s radio silent.

Worry begins to creep up your spine. The pit in your stomach grows inch by inch every second he’s quiet. What if this is the wrong conclusion? What if you stepped too far? What have you done?

Fuck. You shouldn't have come. You shouldn’t have been stupid enough to think this was a good idea.

But out of nowhere, as if he just realizes that he’s the person you’re talking to, he speaks up.

“You would- do that for me?” He asks as his eyes grow soft and his eyebrows raise hopefully.

“Well, I mean, sure.” You nervously chuckle out. Rubbing the back of your neck with your palm.

“And anyways, you’d keep the creepy guys away from me.” You note as Peter seems to step back taking everything you’ve said in. What if he starts laughing? What if he is messing with you? He wouldn’t do that, right?

“I- I-“ you hold your breath as he begins talking, the pit in your stomach makes you feel like you might throw up. If he doesn’t hurry up you’re sure you’ll apologize profusely and run out of the apartment before he can say anything.

“I would love-“ Peter smiles “to be your boyfriend Y/n.”

Oh.

You let out a shaky breath. It worked. You don’t believe it. He said yes.

“Really?” You ask, a small quizzical smile on your face.

“Yeah.” He says grinning wide.

Well shit. It worked.

Tag List:

@riordanness

@princess-ofthe-pages

#peter parker #x reader #mcu peter x reader #mcu #peter parker x you #peter parker x reader #mcu peter parker

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ccuniculusmolestus · 2 months

Text

You know what hurts my soul a lill bit.

Like.

Henry says if he had the time, he'd sit Bunny down and explain everything to him. This is right after they scare Bun in Henry's house, when they show up all bloody, and Henry's like there was no time to explain because anyone might've seen them- but what about later?

I can't stop thinking about: what if you just TOLD him what happened? Bunny's biggest issue, according to Henry, was not the fact that they'd killed somebody, it was that they'd excluded him. (Personally I also thinkk it was bcs of the "several very unkind things" he'd written in his stupid little diary but sure henry, whatever helps u sleep at ni8)

I just feel like Bunny would've been less annoying about the whole thing and possibly even slightly concerned (about the cops finding out or something) because then he'd feel like he could still be implicated bcs he'd realize he had no alibi that could be confirmed and his previous involvement with the greek class would make him suspect too, and if he didn't realize it, Henry would 'remind' him of the fact.

It's just that...I know Henry was very disillusioned w Bunny towards the end, like he hated him, couldn't stand him, felt suffocated by him- but that was still someone he'd, at one point, cared about. I think Bunny at least deserved a fucking chance.

Instead of Henry avoiding him (ish) and avoiding the topic after Rome, why didn't the fool try to talk sense into Bunny? I know he was mentally exhausted, but the way his mind was like, going straight to murder makes me think he'd probably thought about it before too 💀💀

Even the actual murder bro like. Like. You lure him in and then you just suddenly shove him. Bunny didn't get a chance to plead for mercy or anything, or to promise he wouldn't tell anybody, so on so forth. I mean, Henry could have tried a scare tactic (pretending like they were gonna kill him to drive the point home, make him understand his position) but no, he jumped to murder immediately.

I suppose I can try and see where Henry was coming from. He didn't like to overcomplicate things, and maybe threatening Bunny would backfire like everything else did, maybe embolden him more. I get the impression that Bun was the sort to get worse if he was treated badly, even if he deserved it, but maybe being reminded of his own mortality would knock some sense into him. I know he was childish and immature and it makes me think he was one of those ppl you'd have to talk to nicely and try to appeal to his sense of friendship/loyalty for him to be nice, return the energy. Idk guys, I just wanted to get this thought out og my brain.

Also not to put the blame solely on Henry. My man was tired. Why didn't the other losers try and be like "Lol wtf. No." I know Henry was like their boss or whatever, admired yada yada but like...? He wasn't the dictator sort, like they couldnt talk to him even if they wanted to. This is why I think each one of them is just as bad as the other. I mean charles was showing hesitance before the murder and then after he was the most (visibly) regretful, even richard expressed some grief (or maybe he only did so in the book to seem nice) but yeah yeah yeah idk where im going w this but u get my point

#like if henry had just TALKED to Bunny #and tried to be patient depsite him running out of patience #my favorite and most hated genre of book is the same: 2 morons dont talk smthn out and then both end up dead #WAIT....IM JUST REALIZING #my one and only other favorite series?? HAS THE SAME STRUCTURE??? 2 BEST FRINEDS DONT TALK SMTHN OUT AND THEN THEY BOTH FUCKING DIE #IM SEEING A FUCKING PATTERN HERE #WTF I JUST REALIZED THIS #bunny corcoran #the secret history #tsh #henry winter #tsh donna tartt #winterbunny #francis abernathy #camilla macaulay #richard papen #charles macaulay

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v1olentdelights · 10 months

Text

You’re Gonna Go Far

Aaron Hotchner x fem!bau!reader, BAU x fem!bau!reader

Summary: Time passes, and people change, but one thing will remain steady.

TW: nothing

a/n: I read something on tiktok that was like, "You have to let a girl name a fic after a lana or noah song(it's a canon event)." It's so funny because it's true. Here is My Noah Kahn titled fic!! Let me know what you think!! Also thank you @magic-is-beauty and @teddy-the-teddybear for reading it over! :) love you guys

After consulting with The BAU Section Chief and your Unit Chief, who also happened to be your long-time boyfriend, you decided it was your next step in your career. Even if you didn’t want to leave behind your work family, you knew they would understand.

—

You flopped down onto your bed, letting out an exhausted sigh. The week had been filled with meetings and tying up loose ends. Next week would be your very last week at the Quantico branch of the BAU. If the team got called into a case, you would stay behind with Penelope and work it out from there, hoping that it would end quickly so you wouldn’t miss your plane.

The familiar sound of little running footsteps made a small smile appear on your face. No matter how down or tired you felt, Jack could always make you smile. The door was flying open, and seconds later, he had pounced on you, wrapping his arms and legs around you and shoving his neck between your head and neck.

“Hey Jack. How was your day at school?”

“It was awesome, we got to take the class pet out of her terrarium.” He spewed the words out fast as he pulled his head up to look at you. “ Do you know what frogs feel like?” As you shook your head, no, he had already begun to talk again. “They feel icky, and they look kind of scary because they can’t smile. And we had to wash our hands after, really well. And for snack today, I brought those vegetable chips. Everyone thought they looked weird, but I remembered that it didn’t matter because I liked them. And-“ You put your finger to your lips, telling him to stop for a moment. The giant breath he took was almost comical.

“I’m glad you liked the chips, but please take a breath. Or you're going to get so dizzy you’ll fall over.” You both laughed, but his face turned sad.

“I just want to tell you everything because I know you’re leaving, and then I can’t tell you anything. Because dad says you are taking a plane to your new home. Which means I can’t talk. To you anymore.”

“Oh, honey.” You brought a hand up to his cheek, rubbing your thumb against his cheek in a comforting circle. “You can always talk to me. You can write me letters, and I’ll come back to visit sometimes. You can also call me sometimes. There is no need to be super sad.” Sitting up slightly, you gave him a cheek kiss. “Now, let's go find Daddy and see if he’ll buy us ice cream.”

——

Aaron did take you out for ice cream, but he stood back a bit… taking it in. Jack had been observing all the ice creams, even though he would pick play dough, the most sugary kind, every single time. You were crouched down next to him, looking at all of them, making comments about each of them.

“Aaron, honey, do you know what you want?” Your smile never fails to make his heart light up.

“Strawberry of course.” He chuckles before coming up beside you and paying for the cones.

You three made your way to one of the bench’s near the parlor.

“Can I try some of yours?” You asked Aaron slyly. He was about to offer you his cone, but you kissed him instead, tasting the strawberry on his lips. Jack started to make fake throw up noises.

“Stop it! You guys are icky.” He laughed before pushing on his fathers chest, attempting to put some space between you two. It was like a scene from a movie, a happy family of 3. You made sure to take a mental picture to save for a sad rainy day.

——

Now, your heart was beating out of its chest. You were standing in front of the monitor where the cases were presented, but you were all meeting for another reason. Aaron gave you a quick kiss for some reassurance before taking his seat at the round table.

As everyone began to file in, you could feel your heart was going wild, and your eyes began to feel heavy, as if the unshed tears weighed a ton. But when you saw Penelope walk in with he bright smile and sparkly headband, you knew you wouldn’t survive this.

“What’s going on here?” Dave asked first. Both him and Blake looked like they knew what was happening. Maybe they could tell. Penelope then jumped up from her seat.

“Oh. My. Gosh!! Am I getting another god child? I need to know, I’ll start shopping now, maybe it could be an elephant themed room or-“ But Aaron cut her off.

“No Garcia. Just take a seat, please.” You could hear the pain in his voice. Her face physically dropped before she took a seat, Derek reached out and held her hand on the table.

Why was it this hard? You knew they would support you, that they would be happy for you. You watched it happen when Emily left. It would be hard for a bit, but they would get past it, and they would persevere.

“So. A while back, I was looking at this program. I signed up for the company newspaper just to keep up with it, even sent a few emails asking about the projections for the next year and its supporters. It seems that the company also did some research on me.” You sat down in an open chair near you and ran your hands down your legs. “So they asked me to join them!”

“That’s amazing, Y/N!” Spencer exclaimed with a boyish smile on his face.

“That's not all, though, is it.” Derek stated, he had enough people leave him. He didn’t have to be a profiler to see what was coming.

“Yes, there’s more.” Here was the kicker. Taking a deep breath, you finally let it go. “It’s in Europe.” The atmosphere changed drastically. But it was hard to place what it was. “I don’t expect anyone to know what to say. But I’ve already accepted, and my ticket is bought. I am kind of regretting it now, I feel like I should stay here with you guys. You’re my fami-“

“No, you need to do this Y/L/N,” Blake said with a smile on her face. “We all understand.” It was comforting to hear it from her. She had that mother kind of aura around her.

—

The week progressed slowly. People milling around the bullpen, pens scratching on papers, the humming Spencer didn’t know he did, the coffee machine, all the normal sounds. It felt different. It all felt different now. You tried to commit every little thing to memory because if you were to never return, you’d want to keep this with you forever.

——

Your final family dinner, everyone was there, even Strauss stopped by for a bit. Henry and Michael made you a picture. It was the whole unit in Rossi’s backyard. Of course, there was an abundance of paint handprints and glitter, but that’s what made it even more special.

The sound of a utensil tapping a glass caught everyone’s attention.

“As we all know, this is our going away party for Y/N, the best in our unit. Even though we will hopefully see her all week. Tonight is about reminiscing on our past times. But it is also a time to look forward to our future. We have lost agents in the past, and we have mended our hearts. But we have never forgotten them.”

“You make it seem like I’m dying, David!” You tried to lighten the mood a tad. If he kept going on like this, you would begin to cry.

“Of course not! But we are losing you, are we not?” He chuckled a bit before continuing. “It is a once in a lifetime opportunity you have been given. And though we’ll miss you, I think we would be even more hurt if you didn’t accept” Penny stood up then, tears already filling her eyes.

“It makes me smile to know that when things get hard, you’ll be far from here. Which I know sounds bad since you have been here for all this mess for the past 8 years. But still, you are getting a chance to see some more kittens and less… gore.” She shuddered at the thought. Spencer spoke up next.

“We aren't angry at you. You’re the greatest thing we’ll have lost. But the birds will still sing, and Penelope and Derek will still keep up their banter. The bull pen will still be filled with the noises of shuffling papers and the dying coffee machine.” You let out a watery chuckle. You had tried to fix the poor thing so many times and never seemed to win, but it was still running. “Things will continue to move along. And we’ll be here waiting for you, waiting for you to come home.”

“Don’t worry, I will make sure to mention you all in my speech when I win some great award.” Bringing a hand up to wipe away your tears, you noticed how shakey they were. They always seemed to do that when you were sad. “And trust me, I will be coming back. You won’t be getting rid of me that easily!”

—

When you got home later that evening, you sat in the bathtub for a while with a lavender candle in hopes of riding yourself of a headache. It all felt like too much. You were leaving behind the past 8 years of your life just like that.

You hadn’t heard Aaron enter the bathroom, not even noticing him until he kneeled down next to you.

“You told me in your initial interview that you wanted to make a difference, darling. And that is what you are doing. Please don’t feel bad for leaving because you are chasing your dreams. Something not many people get the chance to do..” He pressed a kiss to your forehead, then your cheek, then the other.

“I know. But in leaving behind you guys, my family. I’m leaving behind my Jack, and my goldfish, what am I supposed to do with her?!” You whined. Obviously, you knew it was something stupid, but all the little problems seemed so much bigger.

“You know Jack is going to be okay. He is in his room making a colander of when to call you. I told him the time difference so he could figure it all out.” He kissed you gently on the lips, pulling back a bit, he continued “And you know he will be more than happy to take care of her for you. It will be another reminder of you.”

It provided a little comfort, though you know it would only last so long. Everything was running through your head, so many emotions were trying to be processed.

“Let’s get you out of the bath and into bed.”

“If you wanted me naked in bed so bad, you should have just asked Hotchner.” He simply rolled his eyes at your antics. You got dressed and bundled up underneath the comfort, falling asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.

——

Today was the day you were all packed up and ready to go. What you didn’t know was the whole team had come to see you off.

As Aaron, Jack, and you made your way towards your gate, you and Jack holding hands, you recognized the gangle of people waiting near the waiting area. Penelope was the first to spot you. She began to wobble her way over to you. That was something you would miss dearly, her and her high heels.

“Oh Y/N!! I'm going to miss you so! But just know I will be out there next month! I have already got some tickets lined up!” She squished you tightly before letting you go. Derek came up to you. His smile was as bright as can be.

“One day you’ll see how proud of you we are.” Pressing a kiss to the top of your head, he pulled you in for a tight embrace. JJ covered her face with her hands. You assumed it was to try and hold her tears at bay.

“Y/N, my sister.” You could tell it came out quieter than she meant it to. “What am I going to do without you by my side? My partner in crime.” She rubbed her hand over your arm in a motherly way. Even now, she couldn’t turn off that mother instinct.

David held your head in his hands. You knew what this meant.

“Y/N, I don’t think I have ever met someone as compassionate as you, someone as smart as you, sorry Reid,” he turned to face the doctor for a moment before turning back to you. “I trust you with my life, and I would have it no other way. You are going to do great things, kid.” He pulled you in for a hug. Blake came next.

“I haven’t known you for long. But for the time I have had the pleasure of knowing you, I have found you to be extraordinary. Like everyone else has said, you will do great things.” She shook your hand firmly.

You didn’t know how you were holding it together. And then Reid stepped forward with tears in his eyes and a few having already fallen.

“I don’t want you to go,” his lower lip quivered “but I know you need to do this. And I am glad to have known you. I love you, Y/N. Don’t forget to write.” He held you tightly, as if he was afraid you would disappear when he let go. Though you suppose you were.

Little Jack, who had been standing next to you the whole time, let out a little cry.

“Y/N, do you really have to leave?” Crouching down to be at eye level with him, you could feel the tears falling down your face faster.

“Honey, I do. I’m going to help people. Remember what we talked about, though, right? You even made that schedule, and Aunt Penny made me a copy, too. I’ll hang it up on my fridge so I can see it.” He grabbed hold of you, looping his hands around your neck. You could feel his tears stain your shirt.

“Who is going to get ice cream with me? Or tuck me into bed and wish me that the bed bugs won’t bite? And dad can’t fold my shirts the way you do. He can’t play with my legos the right way, either.” He was desperate for you to stay. You knew this would be hard on him. Having lost his mother at such a young age and now losing the other mother figure in his life.

“It’s going to be hard. But you will just have to teach Daddy how to do those things. I’m sure he will learn.”

“But he’s not you.” He let out another cry, and it shattered your heart.

"NOW BOARDING FLIGHT BA 98”

That was you. It was time to leave behind your life, your family. But you were starting something new and exciting. Standing up, you straightened out your shirt a bit. Looking around, you absorbed the moment, trying to memorize all their faces, taking in all the memories.

Finally, you turned to Aaron, your lover. It had been decided by the both of you that it was best to go your separate ways for now. Not necessarily forever, but just for now.

You had only seen Aaron cry a handful of times. The stone cold face, his work facade, was something you had grown used to. And so was the smiling face he reserved for you and Jack, as well as the team after hours. But this Aaron, this was something new. He grabbed your hand and pulled you close into an affectionate hug.

“If you want to go far… then you gotta go far.” He said quietly in your ear. He pressed a kiss to your lips, just a small short peck, but then came back for more. Nothing flashy or anything, just more… meaningful, filled with more emotion.

”BOARDING FLIGHT BA 98”

——

As you sat in your seat, you pulled out a picture you had kept in your wallet for the past few years. It was one of your team members at your first ever Rossi dinner party. The smile upon each of your faces was a reminder that no matter how far apart you were, no matter how many horrors you had seen, you would always have each other.

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factorialsotherfandoms · 7 months

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Just making a list of things, intentionally or otherwise, which might have/did mess with Philza's emotional state in the lead up to him doing a silly and following the book (which promised his kids back and implied his wings too) (from memory I don't have the stream open and it was loooong):

It being Tallulah's birthday

Forever, a close friend, is in a coma after having been drugged, and Philza probably having a pretty traumatic time just 2 days prior trying to help. And now all he can do is bang a pan and talk and pray.

Eggs missing

Philza missed his eggs being hurt and in pain and scared because he was away, and the signs are still there to prove it

Him and Fit discussing the eggs, and if Philza would still love them even if they were AIs/robots/lab experiments/etc

Event his kids would have really enjoyed, but they aren't there to do so. No Chayanne doing the cooking, no Tallulah playing her flute...

Taking Tallulah's place at the event by playing the music (a thing Philza doesn't do, despite being in an extremely musical family)

Capybaras helping him fly to take photos (see: the damaged wings and the promise of flight)

Alcohol from the celebration, even if he only drank a little bit.

Having to explain everything to Missa, his government assigned husband, and admit he wasn't there when the eggs needed them - neither of their parents were there, just the babysitters. Couldn't even get a phonecall with their dads when the kids were hurt and in pain. Having to tell his partner their children are lost, maybe dead, maybe gone, nobody knows. Obviously Missa needed to know and Philza would explain it! And telling Missa the best option! But... It wouldn't have helped Philza's mental state.

The eggs in the maze and only two survive story (messed with everyone tbf)

Only (a copy of) Chayanne's item being in the maze. Also it being blocked from him by the barrier blocks. It only being Chayanne's is even worse to his mental state than it being everyone's there

Believing himself too stupid to save his children, expressing this directly by apologising to the Chayanne floaty for that, and bringing it to mind, probably not helped by being in a crew of a lot of the 'clever' players (we all know from those tumblr posts insulting yourself enough over time affects behaviour, and given his mentions about not doing lore because not clever enough earlier even if that was ooc this is probably a longer term concern for him C as well. Pretty sure he's called himself stupid while rping with the eggs before)

The maze ending with no answers, only more pain and fear. Once again left with glimmers but in practice nothing

His extremely secure home being compromised

Using Tallulah's colours and flowers on the box. Also correctly getting the one of his kid who would leave him angsty metaphor and a story with the instructions, even if it felt a bit off (its her birthday, its her birthday, he was desperate)

The joke about a wise old crow whilst he was feeling very stupid, but knows his kids think of him as clever.

Also the crow thing. I know there's a lot of jokes about Philza and bird brain which go around from time to time, the perching, the wandering off to examine shiny things while people are talking, etc. If we take this as read... Well. Phrasing the instructions as about a bird really would force that side of him.

Using the nest as the closest waypoint. His nest, not his house, his concrete nest in the sky where he felt most like the bird he partially is.

It happening so late. Philza doesn't often continue to midnight, let alone gone 2am. To me this implies his character isn't usually up and big active that long (I like to think when offline the characters are a combo of sleeping and just chilling). So IC he's probably exhausted. Which. Does not for "rational" thinking make. You probably wouldn't have got him not leaving at least a copy of the book in the chest earlier in the day.

TBH, all that accounted for, I'm surprised he kept weapons and shield and glider and food on him with the note. It was needed, but I'm more surprised he managed to reign himself to bring some things with him not just throw everything on the floor and go.

It was a /long/ stream and even the fun cute bits fed into a loop of stressing him out and breaking down. Crack, crack, crack, crack, and after enough time it /will/ get through.

And tbf, it probably took all of that to do so.

(and I hope the other characters when he one way or another gets out of this understand. everyone's under a lot of stress, but that stream in Philza stream was just breaking him again and again and again)

Also another aside which breaks the vibes of this post but eh - people keep saying his survivalist tendancies should have kicked in, but I think they actually played against him here?

Philza is used to taking on very shit situations with a lot less than he was carrying. That sword and shield? More powerful than anything in hardcore. And sure now he's set up he has so much food and resources in hardcore world, but when he starts? He starts somewhere impossibly dangerous with literally nothing, and does fine, which is a whole lot less than he took with him.

Plus... He's used to being alone. Completely stressed out, manipulated, and fucked with brain probably didn't even consider a note. Why? Because he's not used to anyone being there. Why leave a note before going to do something dangerous you're underequipped for if there's nobody there to read it? It's only him in most of his worlds. Nobody would notice him gone because there's nobody there to notice.

(Sure his husband his back and his friends are here and the island is full of people who love and trust and care about him, but at the end of the day, when he's stressed and its late and the Feds have systematically and likely purposefully broken him down, and his friends have accidentally helped with that... He's from a solo hardcore world, where he starts with nothing and nobody is there to help him. It's not he doesn't trust them. It's that he doesn't even realise in the height of his emotions that there's anyone else there.)

#qsmp rambles #qsmp philza #meta #I guess #character analysis #kinda again #i keep seeing people say its out of character with his survivalist vibes #but... is it?#he's from a solo world where he always starts with much less than he took with him #and he took weapons he couldn't even dream of in his world #when he's that stressed why would he leave a note when he's used to there being nobody there

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hayakawalove · 4 months

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Sugar and Spice

Description: Time has passed since your last encounter with Suguru, and all seems to be back to normal, much to your dismay. What will happen when Satoru finally brings Suguru back to his house? (PART TWO OF MY “Sugar” SERIES)

TW: Reader is referred to as a girl, reader accidentally cuts her finger, daddy kink, alcohol intoxication

A/N: THANK YOU SO MUCH TO @icepopbucky23 for uttering the words sugar daddy gojo to me and @juicyT on Archive of Our Own for helping brainstorm ideas for this fic. And I can't say thank you enough to @zeninsama for coauthoring this fic with me. They went through and did so much editing and helped fix it up, this fic wouldn't be CLOSE to how good it is now without their help. Please go check them out!

Part One

Part Three

Banner credit to: @benkeibear

The heat scorches your skin as you lay by the poolside, sipping lemonade from a little pink straw.

You'll be at Satoru's house all weekend, so you want to make good use of the amenities. It wasn't that your house was awful, Satoru made sure of that. You couldn't complain about a luxury apartment in the best part of town, but you much prefer his place. Not only did it have things like a pool and hot tub – it also included him. Well, for the most part.

He came home from his business trip extremely exhausted, so the two of you took it easy this past week. Each time you had sex was lazy, intimate. The only thing was, Satoru never mentioned what happened with Suguru while he was gone. It was getting to the point where you thought it must've all been a dream.

Did he forget? No, there's no way.

You thought about it each time you were home, the spicy scent of Suguru's cologne greeting you as you crawled into bed. You'd breathe in deeply and let it overwhelm your senses when you touched yourself, wishing your fingers could stretch you in the way you craved. Satoru was busy, leaving you to tend to your own needs. How cruel. Admittedly, you haven't washed your bed sheets since that night. You told yourself it was because you were lazy, but in reality, you were addicted to his scent.

Images of Suguru flashed through your mind as you touched yourself. You couldn't stop thinking about what Satoru said – about letting the two men take you. It made your mouth water and your head swirl.

The sound of the back door opening snaps you from your daydream. You perk up at the flash of bright white hair.

"Bunny?" Satoru calls out.

His gaze lands upon you sitting in the pool chair, wearing the cute pink bikini he bought you as a birthday gift. It leaves little to the imagination. He makes a mental note in the back of his mind to buy you more of those.

A squeal escapes your mouth as you hop up from the pool chair.

"Daddy!" You rush towards Satoru, pushing onto your toes to wrap your arms around his neck in a tight hug. "I missed you so much!"

As you rest your chin on his shoulder, you catch a glimpse of dark hair behind him that makes your stomach drop.

Suguru.

"We have a visitor, darling." Satoru says.

Your breath hitches, but you put on a brave face.

There's a moment of silence between the three of you. You're not certain how you should greet him after everything that happened. So you keep it simple and sweet.

"Hi, Suguru!"

You reach out and pull the other man into a hug, chest pressing flush into his. For a second, you swear you hear his breath catch in his throat at the proximity. No, you chide yourself, I'm probably just imagining it.

After hugging Suguru, you return to your rightful place beside Satoru. You wrap your arms around his arm, holding it close to your body.

"And to what do we owe this pleasure?" You bat your eyelashes up at the two men.

Suguru's eyes slowly make their way down to your chest, taking in every inch of exposed skin, his attention making your cheeks heat. It wasn't long ago that his hands wandered across your body, making you scream out.

You shake the images from your brain and redirect your attention to Satoru.

"We were just on our way to a meeting but I wanted to stop by and say hi to my favorite girl." Satoru says, leading the two of you inside.

You nod along and let go of Satoru, keeping your eyes on the men as you make your way to the kitchen to fix yourself a drink. The two start discussing work again and the words fly over your head. Sometimes you wish you could understand Satoru's work jargon, but that idea was quickly squashed. That's not what you're paid to do. No, you're paid for something else entirely.

Your eyes slowly wander over to Suguru as you slice up strawberries for your drink. He smiles and nods along with Satoru, occasionally laughing each time a joke was made. In your daze, your hand slips, the sharp blade of the knife slicing open your finger.

You yelp in pain as blood bubbles to the tip, eyes brimmed with tears. Both men immediately stop their conversation and look over to you.

"Y/N! Are you okay?" Satoru rushes to your side.

You look at him with teary eyes, your bottom lip trembling.

"Oh, sweetpea, let's get you bandaged up." Satoru guides you towards the bathroom by the small of your back, barely glancing over his shoulder as he tells-not-asks Suguru, "you don't mind cutting those up, right?"

You look over your shoulder as you walk, watching Suguru get up from the couch before you round the corner.

Water rushes over your finger, you hiss at the sting.

"What happened, bunny? Something distract you?" Satoru coos.

"No..." You trail off.

Satoru's eyes flick up to yours. You aren't quite looking at him, your eyes are glazed over and your mind still clearly swept up in whatever you've got floating around in there. The corner of his mouth quirks up.

Oh, I see.

He wraps a bandage around your finger and kisses your forehead.

"There. All better!" Satoru cheers.

You hold your injured finger close to your chest as Satoru leads you back to the kitchen. Your eyes met with Suguru's, a dull ache beginning to spread between your thighs. He finishes cutting the fruit and scoops the little pieces into your glass.

He steps back and looks at you while popping a strawberry into his mouth. He licks the fruit juice from his thumb as he passes you, your knees weak at the sight.

"Thank you, Sugu." You mumble.

The men resume their discussion as you continue fixing your drink, pouring the rest of the ingredients into your glass. You follow shortly after, sipping on your fruity little drink.

Satoru spreads his legs and opens his arms to accommodate you, still deep in conversation with Suguru. You settle onto his lap, resting your head on his shoulder and nuzzling into his neck. The sound of their voices, low and soft, begin to lull you, along with the way Satoru absently rubs your back.

A warm rush flushes through your body as the alcohol takes effect.

"Sweetheart?" Satoru pulls you from your thoughts.

You perk your head up obediently.

There's something about the look on his face, eyelids heavy and lips drawn in a lazy smirk.

"Why don't you give Suguru some love too? We don't want our guest feeling left out."

"Yes, daddy."

You sip the rest of your drink before scooting off Satoru's lap and ditching the glass on the coffee table.

Suguru's dark eyes watch as you clumsily make your way across the room and sit on his lap, warm and solid under your bare legs. The only thing separating the two of you is your thin bikini and his business attire. Your body tingles as Suguru places his warm hand on your bare thigh.

You rest your head against his shoulder, breathing deeply. You begin to feel sleepy against him, your head spinning. Maybe you put too much liquid courage in your drink.

Well, you were feeling sleepy.

Suguru adjusts his posture, causing his lap to shift. You feel something hard against your bottom. You whimper in response, once again interrupting their conversation.

"Is something wrong, bunny?" Satoru asks, eyebrow raised.

The words seemed to float over you. You hum in response and clutch Suguru's shirt, closing your eyes.

"I think she's feeling good." Satoru laughs.

You feel a rumble underneath you as Suguru laughs along.

"I think we should make Suguru feel good too, baby."

Curiously, you raise your head and look at Satoru. He held no animosity in his eyes. You look back at Suguru, eyes flitting towards his lips. Without another thought, you wrap your arms around his neck and pull him close for a kiss.

His lips are warm and plush against yours. It's like you're starving for his touch, hungry for his kiss. The warmth spreads quickly over your body as you feel his tongue slide against your bottom lip.

You moan out as your lips part, grinding your ass against his groin. Satoru's gaze is sharp against your back. Your lips part for a breath and you look into Suguru's hazy eyes.

Satoru crosses one leg over the other, watching the two of you. To say he looked amused would be an understatement.

Your lips press against Suguru's once more, high on the feeling he gives you. Your ass grinds down harder against him, not caring about the show you were putting on for Satoru.

Satoru gets off the couch and waltzes over to you two. You pull back and look up at him, at the hunger filling his eyes. The pad of his thumb presses down on your swollen lower lip, baring your teeth.

"Will you stand up for me, baby?" Satoru asks, his eyes scanning your face.

You nod quickly, lifting off of Suguru's lap. He stands up after you, his hands finding purchase on your hips. You couldn't stop yourself from pulling Suguru's face down to you, immediately placing your lips to his once more.

You stand between the two men, their bodies warm and solid through the layers of clothing. Satoru presses against your back, his hands sliding down your body.

"Come on, bunny, let's get Suguru more comfortable," Satoru eggs on. His voice washes over your head, almost dreamlike, barely hearing his words through the soft smacking of your lips.

You pull away and lower your hands to the bottom of Suguru's shirt. Undoing each button takes a small eternity, but eventually you're met with his bare chest. You look up at him beneath your lashes.

Satoru's breath caresses the shell of your ear. He grabs your hand and guides it lower, pressing your palm against the growing tent in Suguru's slacks.

"Why don't you help Suguru with this, baby?"

You unfasten Suguru's pants with a shaky breath and watch as he steps out of them, his cock bobbing against his pelvis. A whimper escapes your throat. You forgot just how well-endowed he is.

The situation sobers you with each passing second. It's like the alcohol in your body slowly fizzles out, replaced by something new instead.

Satoru snaps you out of your thoughts, his warm fingers tickling your sides.

"Oh, bunny, you're burning up. Why don't we help you cool down?" Satoru whispers, fingers dragging around to your back.

One swift tug on the strings unties your bikini top, the back straps falling against your sides. He helps pull the top part over your head, leaving your chest entirely exposed.

He said it would help cool you down, but you were only getting hotter.

Suguru drops on his knees, face inches from your core. He looks up at you, lust gracing his features. His fingers dip into the waist of your bikini bottoms, helping you step out of them, now face-to-face with your dripping pussy.

Suguru let out a satisfied hum before easing one of your legs over his shoulder. You gasp at the feeling of his mouth latching onto you, and melt against Satoru's chest. He kisses and nips at your neck, leaving your skin aching for more.

"Is Suguru good with his mouth, bunny?" Satoru questions, his hands trailing up the plane of your stomach.

"G-good daddy. So good." You stutter out.

Suguru's tongue pokes and prods at your lower lips, teasing you. Your hips buck, desperately chasing his mouth. Satoru pinches and pulls at your nipple, only adding to the sparks of ecstasy. You moan out, riding Suguru's face and pulling his hair when you feel something touch your lips.

Satoru's fingers push against your lips, his pointer and middle finger requesting access. You part your mouth and run your tongue along the sides of his fingers, groaning at the taste of him.

"Pretty baby likes keeping her mouth full, isn't that right?" Satoru coos.

You whine around his fingers and nod your head. Sucking on them was a good distraction to keep you from cumming so quick. Suguru's hands rest on your thighs, then smooth around to your hips, helping grind you against his tongue.

Your eyes rolled to the back of your head. Your senses were overwhelmed, feeling Suguru's tongue and breath against you, and Satoru's fingers shoved so far down your throat your eyes began to water.

Suguru's tongue danced lower until he slipped it inside your hole, making you arch your back. You gripped onto Satoru's arms so tight you knew you would leave marks.

You weren't sure how Suguru was able to breathe with the way his face was buried between your thighs, but you couldn't find it in yourself to care. You were going to cum any second now, your high imminent.

Your leg tightens around his back as he works his tongue in and around you. Your legs go weak as you cum, moans muffled by Satoru's fingers. Drool drips past your lips and down your chin, coating Satoru's hand.

It feels like you're going to collapse any second. Suguru laps up your cum, making you squirm away from him. Satoru holds onto you tight, forcing you to take it.

Once Suguru is satisfied, he pulls away and licks his lips, a grin spreading across his face as he watches you come down from your high. His eyes meet Satoru's as he rises to his feet, like they're communicating with their minds. Shivers run down your spine as you wonder what they might be thinking about.

"Come on, bunny." Satoru's voice echoes.

You grab onto both men's hands as they lead you to Satoru's bedroom.

The dim light sets an erotic atmosphere for the three of you. The room feels more intimate when you know what's about to happen on the bed in front of you.

Satoru lets go of your hand and walks over to the chair on the other side of the bed, sitting down and spreading out comfortably without another word.

Your gaze darts between him and Suguru.

"Don't look at me, sweet face. Why don't the two of you get started?" Satoru beams.

Embarrassment floods your body at the prospect of Satoru watching you fuck Suguru. You knew it was coming, but now that it's actually happening, your resolve starts to crumble.

Suguru's breath fans warm across your ear before he whispers. "Don't worry about him. Just focus on me, okay?"

You nod and watch as Suguru settles on the bed, allowing his strong hands to guide you onto his lap. His cock lays heavy and warm between your folds, relishing in the pleasant weight of your body on top of his. Your pussy leaks with need, arousal glistening on his shaft.

Satoru licks his lips in anticipation, eager to see what's about to unfold.

"What're ya waiting for, bunny?" Satoru hums impatiently.

You drag your pussy against the underside of Suguru's cock, a chill immediately coursing through your body when the head catches on your clit. A loud moan escapes your mouth. You ache to be full of him once more.

You can't handle waiting anymore. You sit up and reach down to guide Suguru's dick inside of you, but Satoru tuts in disapproval before you get the chance.

"Ah, not so fast, bunny. Don't you think Suguru needs to be warmed up a little more?"

You knew that was bullshit. Suguru was as hard as a rock beneath you, throbbing with each slow rock of your hips. Satoru just wanted to enjoy the show a little longer.

Pouting, you do as you're told. You grind against Suguru's cock once more, gliding back and forth with ease, coating his cock in your arousal. The head catches your clit and you sigh in pleasure. You might be able to cum this way, if Satoru lets you.

Suguru doesn't look like he's faring much better than you. His arm rests over his forehead, jaw clenched to stave off his need. His eyes are fixated on your cunt swallowing around his cock, his precum smearing and mixing with your wetness.

You move at an agonizingly slow pace. You didn't want to go too fast in fear of cumming too soon, but Suguru couldn't take anymore. He bites his bottom lip and grabs onto your hips, pressing more of your weight against his aching dick and dragging you back and forth. He moves you much faster than your initial pace. The increase in stimulation makes you squeal out.

Satoru continues watching from the side as you hump his best friend. He swallows hard and dips his hand in his pants, adjusting his cock which sat uncomfortably hard against his leg, seeping precum into his boxers. Aching for some relief, he unfastens his pants and pulls his cock free, squeezing it tight in his fist and hissing at the friction.

"P-Please, daddy, can I put it in? It hurts." You sniffle, the desperation for Suguru to fuck you becoming unbearable.

Satoru hums as he slowly jerks himself off. As much as he could watch this little display go on forever, he was ready to get this show on the road.

"What do you think, Suguru?" Satoru questions.

Suguru observes your desperate face, your eyes pleading him for more.

Suguru wanted you. He wanted to keep you all for himself. It felt like a far-off fantasy, but he was content having you in whatever way Satoru would let him.

"I think she's ready, Satoru." Suguru spoke, trying to keep his voice steady.

Satoru grins, only a little sadistic.

"Well I don't want my little bunny in pain, now. Give it to her, Suguru."

Suguru keeps one hand on your waist and uses the other to guide his cock into your pussy. The stretch brings tears to your eyes. Your breath catches in your throat at the sensation. You've been craving this ever since you last saw him.

"Breathe, bunny." Satoru encourages, smearing his precum around his cock.

Suguru he sheathes himself completely inside you, his brows furrowing up. His cock pulses against your walls, your pussy weeping from the pleasure.

"Daddy-" You moan as Suguru begins to thrust into you.

Satoru rises from the chair and kneels beside you, still stroking his dick at a languid pace.

"I'm right here baby, daddy's got you." He says, tilting your head back to face him.

Suguru's fingers dig into your sides, pulling you into his thrusts.

"Come on bunny, be good to Suguru. Don't let our guest do all the work." Satoru hums.

You bite your lip and nod, steadying yourself with both hands sprawling over Suguru's chest. His movements still as you push yourself up and down on his cock, picking up your slack. You groan at how deep he reaches inside you. His hands rest on your thighs, his tongue darting out to wet his lips as he watches you. So beautiful, and so sweet to him.

How did Satoru get so lucky?

Suguru knew he could treat you better if he had the chance. If you were his.

If he never fucked anyone else for the rest of his life he decided that would be fine.

Your thighs burn in protest as you continue fucking yourself on Suguru's dick. You whine out and look up at Satoru, silently pleading for permission to stop.

"Too much work, princess?" Satoru teases.

You nod. Thankfully, Satoru takes mercy on you and pulls you off of Suguru. You gasp as his cock slides out of you, your hole unbearably empty and needy. Satoru pulls you back against his chest and Suguru repositions himself between your thighs once more, his dick nudging at your entrance again before sliding in with no resistance. Satoru reaches around and grabs behind your knees, prying your legs apart for easy access as Suguru resumes thrusting into you. Moans echo off the walls, mostly yours.

"Does it feel good baby?" Satoru questions, voice low.

You nod your head frantically and watch, lip pinched between your teeth as Suguru fucks you. His brows furrow in concentration, sweat beading on his temple.

Satoru lets go of your legs, letting Suguru hold them in place instead. With his hands free, Satoru goes to work on your body. One hand dips between your thighs to rub your clit, the other pinching a sensitive nipple between his thumb and finger. You cry out at the stimulation, eyes rolling to the back of your head. Four rough hands grope at your body, pushing you closer to your high.

"Daddy, I don't think I can- fuck, I don't think I can't hold it anymore." You whimper, feeling Suguru's cock drag so deliciously against your sensitive walls.

Satoru coos at you as he continues groping at your body, mean and possessive.

"No? You can't?" He teases, pinching harder at your nipple, gradually increasing the pressure on your aching clit. His gaze returns to your adorable face, meeting your pleading eyes.

You whimper and shake your head, fingers digging into Satoru's arms, biting your bottom lip hard enough to hurt.

Suguru thrusts into you harder, his eyes flitting between your bouncing chest and flushed face.

"Okay." Satoru watches lovingly as your features pinch in pleasure. "Look at me baby, look at daddy."

You try your best to maintain eye contact. It takes everything in your being to keep your heavy eyelids open to focus on him. You look into Satoru's eyes as you cum on Suguru's cock, body trembling, mouth dropping open in a gasp.

"Feeling better, baby?" Satoru asks softly, massaging your clit through your high.

You nuzzle your head against Satoru's chest and exhale heavily, mind suspended in the warm, fuzzy pleasure of your orgasm.

"Good, baby. Now keep being good to our friend Suguru, okay?"

You nod obediently.

"You're doing such a good job, bunny. So proud of you."

Satoru's fingers withdraw from your pussy and he watches with a grin as your arousal stretches between his fingers in clear threads. He reaches out and holds his fingers in front of his best friend's face. Suguru can't resist the temptation, he surges forward and takes Satoru's fingers into his mouth, tongue licking eagerly at your cum. The sight was so unbelievably hot.

"Isn't she so sweet?" Satoru asks him.

Suguru hums in affirmation, the sound muffled by the slender fingers weighing on his tongue. You taste sweeter than honey. He quickly found himself addicted.

"I wanna try something else. Think you can fuck her from behind, Sugu?" Satoru questions, head tilted.

Suguru wants to keep watching your sweet face. Something inside him wants to say no, to take control of the situation and have you the way he wants you, but he finds himself obeying anyways. You're not his – you're Satoru's, and he should be lucky his best friend is even letting him have you like this.

You're repositioned on all fours, Suguru's large hands grasping your hips and pulling you back onto his dick. His cock stretches you out from behind, making your mouth hang open. Your eyes flutter, looking up at Satoru through your lashes, your face completely fucked out. He groans in pleasure, squeezing his cock in his fist as he watches his best friend take you from behind. He fantasized about this for more nights than he could count.

He loved it.

"That's right, baby, keep your eyes on me." Satoru moans. "Keep watching your daddy."

Selfishly, Suguru sneaks a hand around your waist, fingers staking claim on your puffy clit. Competing for your attention.

You whimper at the stimulation and grip the bedsheets tight.

"It's so good, s'good." You babble, the pleasure turning your brain to mush.

Suguru rubs tight, fast circles against your nub, while fucking you full. You felt like you were losing your mind, all forms of your sanity slowly slipping. Suguru fucked into you hard from behind and Satoru pumped his cock slowly in front of you, tempting you with the needy pink flush and precum beading at the tip. You desperately wanted to wrap your lips around it, let his taste cover your tongue.

Suguru thrusts into you particularly hard, your body lurching forward.

"Suguru! Oh god, fuck!" You cry out, your eyes clamping shut.

He continued his cruel focus on your g-spot, feeling your walls clamp around him like a vice. You're so close, he can tell.

Satoru moans at the sound of you crying out his best friend's name.

"Please, Sugu, please," you beg shamelessly, tears pricking the corners of your eyes.

"Don't forget who you belong to, bunny." Satoru warns, squeezing the tip of his cock.

Suguru winces. He knew how he felt for you was selfish, but it felt so good. His body drapes over yours, lips grazing your ear. "I'm the one making you feel good, baby. Focus on me."

Your head spins, overwhelmed by the pleasure.

The men lock eyes. Satoru knew his best friend was attracted to you. Why wouldn't he be? But he needed to know his place. After all, he was being so generous, sharing his toys with Suguru.

"Oh god, daddy!" You whine.

Satoru repositions himself to kneel in front of you, still fisting his cock to the sight of your fucked-out face. So sweet and hopelessly pathetic.

Suguru's cock twitches, shooting his cum deep inside you and you whine once more. His pace doesn't falter. He keeps fucking you through his high, fingers still rubbing your clit, intent on making you cum again. Warmth bubbles up from your stomach as your pussy tightens, keeping a vice grip on Suguru as you release a second time.

Satoru follows close behind, painting your pretty face with his cum.

The three of you pause to catch your breath, the room filling with the sound of your heavy sighs. Tension lingers beneath that.

Suguru pulls his cock slowly from your entrance, watching as his cum seeps from you. Satoru leans down and tilts your head upwards, kissing you softly before slipping on his shorts and leaving to grab a cloth for your face.

You're alone with Suguru.

He crawls off the bed as well and gathers his clothes. The business meeting is in 20 minutes, so he haphazardly dresses himself. He wishes he could take you with him. He spares a glance at you, eyes crinkling with a smile.

"Thank you," Suguru tells you, voice gentle. "I can send you money if you want, since-"

"Why would you do that?" You giggle. It's the sweetest thing he's ever heard.

Suguru's face flushes.

Satoru walks back into the room with a damp towel in hand, joining you on the bed to coddle you and wipe up his mess.

"I should probably head out," Suguru mumbles. "Satoru, I'll meet you there."

"Thanks, man. I'll be on my way out soon." Satoru responds without as much as a glance over his shoulder.

With that, Suguru leaves.

You lay on your back, Satoru kneeling over you and admiring your cute face.

"How are you feeling?"

Your eyes flutter shut as you hum. "M'good."

"We should probably clean you up, don't you think?" Satoru questions, a teasing lilt to his voice.

He coaxes your thighs apart, eyes dropping to your swollen pussy and the cum trickling out of it. His eyes flick up to your face, watching your reactions as his fingers dip down and caress your folds, gathering his best friend's cum. You shudder, goosebumps covering your skin. Satoru lifts his fingers and reaches up to slip them into your mouth.

You look at him through heavy lids, face heating in embarrassment. Maintaining eye contact, you wrap your lips around his fingers and suck them clean.

Satoru smiles in response. He truly is smitten with you.

"It looks like there's still some left. Will you give me a second, bunny?"

Satoru kisses his way down and spreads your legs wider, mouth immediately latching onto your pussy.

You moan at the feeling of his tongue sliding inside. His fingers dig into your thighs as he slowly laps up all of Suguru's cum. You're shaking in his grasp. You didn't know it was possible to feel this much pleasure in one day. Your fingers clutch the bedding, whimpers falling from your open mouth.

"Can't just leave you full of another man's cum, can I? You gotta remember who you belong to." Satoru grins.

You nod shakily, head clouded with pleasure. Satoru's lips move upwards and suck on your overstimulated nub.

"T-too much, too much daddy!" You fuss, hands flying down in an attempt to push his head away.

"Aw, come on. You were so good for Suguru," Satoru pouts before stroking you with his tongue. "You can be good for me too, can't you baby?"

You let out a groan, squeezing your eyes shut. "O-okay."

"Come on baby, say it for me. Say you'll be good for daddy."

Your core tightens and your bottom lip quivers as you say, "I'll be good for you daddy."

"That's my girl."

Hearing those words and feeling his mouth sent you over the edge once again. You cum for the third and final time on Satoru's tongue, coating it with a warm rush of both your and Suguru's release.

You breathe hard, feeling your body melt into the bed. Satoru rises up and smiles, running his tongue over his lips to lick up the rest of your wetness. His eyes gaze over your body before reaching over to the nightstand, grabbing his phone to send you the funds. You reach out and grab your phone as well.

Two notifications.

$7000 deposited into your bank account.

And a message from an unknown number.

Had fun tonight.

Now this could get interesting.

#my writing #suguru x reader #suguru geto x reader #gojo x reader #satoru gojo x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jjk

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thetriplets3 · 9 months

Note

"Your lover isn't feeling well, and even though it's probably dangerous to drive this late at night, you have to make sure they're all right."with Chris strniolo please??

I made it about just a bad day I hope that’s okay, I can redo it if you want anon! Also please read the note at the end!! Thank you for all your requests

warnings: anxiety, depression, overall a bad day mentally, brief mention of a mother daughter relationship (please let me know if I missed anything so I can update this)

☎️ One call away ☎️

It’s hard to tell what exactly made me feel this way, it’s just one of those days. I’ve struggled with mental health problems for years and it’s been getting better but some days feel like I’m back to where I was before. That’s what healing is, some good days some bad, the good outweigh the bad. It’s just frustrating to make progress and then feel like you’re starting from the beginning again.

I spent almost every hour tossing and turning last night unable to fall asleep or stay asleep for long. Despite this I have yet to get out of bed and it’s 3pm. I haven’t been able to do anything except mindlessly scrolling through tiktok not even paying attention to them, in my own little world that I desperately want out of. My phone vibrates, snapping me out of my trance to see a text from my boyfriend Chris.

Hey pretty girl haven’t heard from you all day. Everything alright?

I stare at his text for a while trying to find the right words to make everything sound like I’m fine. Sighing I drop my phone on my bed and head to the kitchen grabbing a snack before making my way back to my bed. Finishing off my snack, I curl up under the fuzzy blanket Chris got me for my birthday. He was here the other night, it smells just like his cologne. I lie there, basking in the smell that lingers bringing me comfort. I want him here, I need him here but I just can’t get myself to put this on him. He has so much on his plate already I don’t want him to worry about me, I’ll be fine this feeling will go away, until it inevitably comes back. A never ending cycle, it’s exhausting.

Apparently it’s been over an hour because I get another text from Chris.

Sweetheart is everything okay? What’s going on? I’m here talk to me.

Realizing I never replied to his first text I grab my phone and send a text back.

Hi love sorry for ignoring you. I’m fine I’m just not feeling it today. I love you and I miss you.

Almost immediately I get a text back which makes me smile at his concern.

What can I do to help? Do you want space or do you want me to come over because you know I’ll drop everything for you no matter how late it is.

My heart swells at how sweet he is.

You being here would make things better.

Within 10 minutes he’s knocking on my bedroom door, having let himself in to my house. Hearing me hum as a response he quietly makes his way to my bed, crawling in next to me.

“Hi sweet girl, I’m here now it’s okay” he said softly.

Quickly I scoot over into his arms, just wanting to be held by him. Closing my eyes I sigh trying to release the weight of the day. With his arms securely wrapped around my body, I feel safe. With a shaky breath I start trying to explain what’s going on.

“I don’t know what brought this on but I hate it I feel so helpless and lazy. I didn’t have it in me to even brush my hair it’s such a simple task and I couldn’t do it” I sputter out in tears.

“Don’t say that you know it’s not true that’s just what your mind is telling you and your mind is being silly today. Think of it this way it’s your body’s way of telling you to just relax and slow down and to take time for yourself. It happens, and yeah it sucks but tomorrow is a new day and a chance to try again” he reassures me. “Give me one second I’ll be right back”.

Rolling out from his grasp I lie there waiting for his return. Getting back in bed he hides what he went to go get behind his back and opened his arms for me. Reaching over to my nightstand he grabs my remote and opens netflix selecting my comfort show, making me smile.

With my head on his chest and my tired eyes fixated on the tv, I feel him move as much of my hair as he can to my back. Slowly and gently he brushes through my knotted hair starting at my ends. The repeated motion of the brush against my scalp has always been something I loved. It reminds me of being a kid and sitting on my mom’s counter as she did my hair for the day. It’s always been a comforting feeling to me and Chris knows this.

My eyes grow heavy as I struggle to keep them open. “Go to sleep love I’m not leaving. I love you so much I hope you know how proud I am of you, you’re so strong” is the last thing I hear before succumbing to a much needed sleep.

taglist:

@iluvmatt @antisocialties @dwntwn-strnlo @fake-coolbeans

AUTHORS NOTES:

#sturniolo triplets #chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #readers pov

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avastyetwats · 6 months

Text

I've Got You

@izzyeffinhands

Gone again.

Stede lets out a quiet sigh upon finding an empty bed inside of Izzy's quarters, but the Captain isn't surprised. Israel Hands was not the type to stay in bed even when ordered. Even when it was what he needed after having been shot. The first several days that followed he had no choice but to stay in bed, but now that he was able to move about, he made sure to move. Far too much than he was allowed to and should, Stede thought with another sigh before he turned and exited the room, determined to find his First Mate and make sure he was alright.

Because with his injury, overdoing it was still a high possibility. Exhausting himself to the point of collapsing, causing the wound to come open with enough strenuous activity (though it was healing beautifully, thankfully), and causing himself so much pain he couldn't even make it back to bed. All of those possibilities filled Stede's mind and filled his gut with dread and fear. He'd almost lost the man he came to respect and care for and he didn't want to go through that again.

More importantly, he didn't want Izzy to go through that again.

The crew had done an incredible job taking care of him and though Stede was captain, he was often found helping take care of Izzy in whatever way he could. Checking in on him, helping to change his bandages, even annoying the man with a story or two while he sat in bed, but there was one night where Izzy admitted to enjoying Stede's company and that made him feel good...happy, really. Very happy.

Because he enjoyed Izzy's company just as much. He found himself wanting to be around him more, wanting to be close, in the same way he once wanted to be near Ed... especially seeing a softer, kinder side of Izzy.

Perhaps a part of it was also because he had saved Stede's life. The gun had been aimed for him, but Izzy took the hit. He got injured because of Stede... could have died because of him, or so he felt and so Stede wanted to do everything he could to help him in return.

But having nearly lost Izzy...

Stede has to take in a deep breath to stop himself from becoming emotional about it again. He's alive. He's here. He's okay. That's what matters.

Along with finding him and convincing him to rest and Stede had just the thing in mind for him. He'd be taking care of Izzy tonight, had it all planned out and everything.

Thankfully it hadn't taken the Captain long to find him. In fact, it was the first place Stede looked - at the front of the ship with the still headless unicorn statue. It seemed to be one of Izzy's favorite spots, Stede came to notice. Their current unicorn with the ship's former.

"Ah, here you are!" Stede exclaims, announcing his presence so he doesn't startle the other. "Had feeling you'd be out here when I went to your room and, surprise, found it empty." His words sound like a scold, and in a way they are, but there's also a bit of playful sass to them. "I know you don't want to hear this, Izzy, but you really should come in and rest. You've been moving around since this morning and I think it's time to come tuck it in. Come with me, hm?"

There's concern in his voice, and in his eyes, as he looks over the man perched on the side. Stede's eyes look him down and up as though making sure he's well and tonight, well... he just really wants to take care of him. Because Stede knows this hasn't been just physically tough on Izzy, but emotionally and mentally as well.

#and here we are!#he's starting off polite but he's gonna get all captain-y next reply hehe #he cares so much and just wants Izzy to be okay #c; stede bonnet #izzyeffinhands #v; family

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fvllingcamellia · 5 months

Text

𝐈𝐌 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐘

seeing your roommate's instagram posts can't lead to anything.. right?

suguru geto smut, masturbation, substance abuse mention, reader on rehab, reader has a rly bad mental health, at first it's some kind of philosophical shit and then i just went wild so enjoy! btw!! my inspiration was yunonoai's art on twitter, so i'll leave the link here.

you've been feeling terrible lately. you missed the feeling of your brain being stimulated by dopamine. the feeling of happiness was so distant and so unknown lately which caused you to question your entire existence. what's the point of it? you had a good job, nice salary, pretty apartment that you shared with another roommate. but does any of it have any sense? for the world, it doesn't mean anything. you're no one. nobody would remember you if you suddenly disappeared one day. those thoughts were corrupting your mind every single day since you were on rehab. it was supposed to be helpful but it was worse. but you promised, right? you promised to change – for him. suguru geto was the man who almost begged you for this. you didnt know each other for long, but when he moved into your apartment you both understood ourselves well. he wasn't a close friend of yours, just a regular roommate but he helped you to get out of drug addiction. and even if you were feeling shitty, you were extremely grateful for this.

the amount of stress you were experiencing lately was insane. during the rehab you became really sensitive and the slightest words could made you furious or sad. you've been experiencing a lot of mood swings that were exhausting in some way. the frustrations were so unbearable that you found yourself on your bed wondering how could you let all of those thoughts and feelings get away from you. you've been scrolling down on instagram checking those stupid posts and photos of your so called "friends" that doesn't even bother to text or call you to check if you're still alive. but as you've scrolled down the page you stopped. one post where geto was tagged caught your eye. this picture made you think that your roommate was actually incredibly attractive. you've never been interested in him in any romantic way. he was just a guy, a roommate to you. but as you were admiring the photo.. the more excited you felt. you didnt even realized that your hand was slowly sliding down on your abdomen. instead of looking at only one photo you started checking his entire social media activity to find more posts. and he looked so good in every photo he uploaded. you put down the phone. it was enough for you.

your fingers were moving dangerously down to your panties. at first you were hesitant about this. fuck what kind of a person masturbates to their roommate's photos. but you didn't care. it was something you NEEDED to feel right now. you slowly moved the material away and brushed your finger over your clit. you squeaked. you haven't touched yourself or had any sexual intercourse in a long time so you needed to explore your body again. you brushed your finger again, but this time over your inner lips, and oh my god since when you were so wet? you were desperate now. this feeling made you slid down your pants along with your underwear completely exposing your lower parts. suguru wasn't at home yet, he went out for some groceries about 20 minutes ago so you could be as loud as you wanted to be. you took a deep breath before touching your folds again. you started from rubbing your clitoris. your head was turned towards the phone on which still appeared suguru's photo. you looked at him imagining it was him who was pleasuring you right now. you imagined his fingers working on your pussy, abusing your sensitive clit.

gaps were leaving your mouth and free hand moved up to your chest you slid it under your bra and while stimulating your pussy you also took great care of your boobs. squeezing them, massaging, pinching your nipples doing almost everything to them. slowly you moved your fingers down, to your hole. you bit down your lower lip and you inserted one finger, pushing it slowly further. but it wasn't enough. you wanted to feel more inside, so you added another one. stretching yourself while moaning and whinning geto's name seemed like something unreal. but it was real experience, fingering yourself while fantasising about him.

– just got home satoru, cooking for y/n tonight. – suguru answered as he was opening the door to the apartment. he was on line with gojo who was complaining about his life for 45 minutes straight. – ill talk to you later.

– you fucked her finally? – the white haired man asked with a curiosity. he always had some weird speculations in his head and one of them was the theory that geto was banging his as satoru said "sweet roommate"

– dude don't be ridiculous. im hanging up. – suguru frowned and ended the call. he closed the door and started walking towards the kitchen. he placed the groceries on the counter and wanted to get changed to he went into the direction of his bedroom but he stopped midway. he couldn't believe his ears and the sounds he was hearing. whines and other octaves of moans coming from your room. most of them were his name in many varieties or words like "fuck," "i want more," "faster."

geto was completely confused. he was standing next to your door wondering who was more perverted – suguru listening to your sweet moment, or you who was pleasuring yourself while screaming his name without shame. but he decided to not make any moves and he simply went to his own bedroom as he had originally planned. but he couldn't stop thinking about you. listening to you made him hard, and geto could only imagine how you look right now and what you're doing to yourself. he had many visions of you right now. how would you look under him when he would fuck your brain out? how would you taste if he had a chance to eat you out someday? how would you look with your lips around his cock? all those thoughts lead him to the one most important question – maybe he should finally fuck you just like satoru theorised?

#fumiswritings #jujutsu kaisen #anime #jjk #manga #geto suguru #getou suguru x reader #geto suguru smut #suguru geto smut #jjk smut #jjk geto #gojo satoru #jjk gojo

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livelaughlovesubs · 1 month

Note

I read this from yours https://www.tumblr.com/livelaughlovesubs/743492538930954240/pitiful-thing?source=share

And i couldn't help reading it due to your amazing writing even if im not really into sadism-, anyway can we have more raphael?a part 2 but can you make it fluffy/sweet if its okay? Thank you!

Hey hey! Thank you for reading it :D and like always, I’m sorry it took so long… anyway, here it is :>

How pitiful

Part one!

Raphael x reader

Word count: 5.9k

This includes: triggering content, angst (aftermath from the first part), mental breakdown? Very toxic, at the end there’s fluff (happy end?), reader is still the same (very selfish)

Okay so, I wanted to make this like fluffy and sweet, and I didn’t manage to do that. I’M SORRY. Cuz I had too many ideas and so the fluff part would only be at the end. Sometimes there are small pieces of it throughout the story, but yea. I didn’t want to stop in the middle of it and make a third part cuz then you wouldn’t get the fluff you wanted, so I’m sorry that you had to wait this long, even then it’s more angst than fluff I’m sorry.

After a while, the corrosive smell started to bother you. Your hands were dyed completely red now. They were sticky and had feathers stuck to them, the blood of the male dried too. For a moment, it felt like you had a hangover. The things you did in the last few hours and the emotions you felt were slowly fading away, leaving nothing but desire behind. All you remembered was a vivid dream akin experience, one where you got to finally feel alive after falling down this deep abyss. The sudden change in environment seems to have influenced you more than you imagined. How you yearned for the screams and cries of him. It has only been a few minutes, yet that feeling, the rush of adrenaline started to disappear like a childhood memory. You didn’t want to forget it, you wanted to keep it sealed within you forever.

Time was passing by like usual, yet for some reason you didn’t seem responsive, as if you weren’t really there. As if you were floating in space, every nerve in your body turned off and your senses dulled. You couldn’t really acknowledge your surroundings, simply at the wall, contemplating and thinking about whatever you did remember. Everything that happened was being replayed in your head like a show, sadly the graphic setting was low and everything was a blur. Except for those crimson eyes of him.

The different expressions his eyes bore were mesmerising, enough to leave its imprint on you. How the once fierce look he owned turned into one of uncertainties, of doubt and fear. Your room looked like the aftermath of a battle. Luckily for you it was at a hotel, so you wouldn’t need to clean it. This wasn’t earth, it wouldn’t matter if the owner sees all of this, the evident of your action, the proof of your true desires. You felt empty again, like the fulfilment you felt before was ran out. The hand on the back of his head moved to his cheeks, moving his face backwards. He has been resting his chin in the crook of your neck the entire time without making a single sound, slowly it got suspicious.

Raphael was breathing very weakly and shallow, apparently he also got a nosebleed. “Hey, wake up.” You muttered, rubbing his cheeks gently. His pale face had blood stains, but his eyes were still closed. Right now he looked very vulnerable, so helpless as if he was someone that needed protection. At the same time he also appeared like an innocent child in your eyes, one that’s been depraved of love. How pitiful he is, being cast aside by his creator and now stuck in the claws of a monster. Since you wore him out a lot, you let him sleep. It didn’t matter if you knew nothing about the anatomy of an angel, if one is exhausted they need to take a break. You laid him down onto the humid mattress before you got up to go to the bathroom.

Now that you cleaned yourself up and got a towel, you started to clean the still asleep male too, wiping the excessive body fluids of him away. It was a little disturbing considering you were the cause of all of this, but you could manage. When you saw the two holes on his belly, where his piercings have been, you gaged a little. The scene turned out to be a bit more grotesque than you remembered. Speaking of memories, it was strange how you couldn’t recall what happened very clearly. After all, it was just happened, as if you weren’t thinking clearly when you did all that. You didn’t regret it though, because if there’s one thing you remembered, then it’s that you loved every second of it. Every action to the words you spoke, you knew you enjoyed yourself a lot. Enough to make you want to go for a second round.

Eventually you finished wiping him, sitting down next to Raphael again. Still so quiet, this wasn’t normal. Your first thought was that he fell asleep, though upon further inspection his face was starting to get pale. Soon you realised that he passed out and sighed, “…not good.” It looked like he lost his consciousness, probably due to the excessive amount of blood he lost. One glance was all you needed to know your hypothesis was right. In the end, you did rip his wings off, not to mention how the bed was now akin to the red carpet. A stressed out groan left you, why were thing always so difficult. Aftercare is great and all, but what should you do if he needs immediate treatment? It’s not like you can carry him all the way to paradise lost. Will today be the day you kill someone for the first time?

Suddenly the door to your hotel room crashed down, and a group of devils barged in. These devils, they really know no manners. Though you were also glad to some degree, because you saw Satan, sitri, and Marbas. “Y/n!” The devil with the white hair ran towards you, but he stopped after taking three steps. Sitri, who was pushing Marbas, followed his king and stopped right next to him. “Solomon, what happened?” That devil asked, his voice was filled with confusion. They must be shocked to see the state the room is in, not to mention Raphael. “I’ll tell you later. Marbas, can you help this guy here? He’s lost a lot of blood.” You looked calm, terrifyingly so, no panic could be spotted in your voice nor did you have a fast heartbeat. “I’ll see what I can do.” Marbas answered after a bit and got out of his binds. When he got close enough to recognise who that was, he hesitated. He still started treating him afterwards, despite the identity of the patient.

“Satan, why are you here?” In all honesty, you didn’t care, and you had a vague idea how they knew your location, but you didn’t want to answer their questions. You weren’t in the mood to right now. “When you disappeared so suddenly, everyone got worried. Then sitri found you.” Nothing you couldn’t guess yourself. “And? Why’s Marbas here?” This time, the devil with the blue hair spoke up, “I heard two heartbeats, and I recognised that the other one was an angel. That’s why.” So they thought you got beaten up or injured, huh, if that’s the case they are pretty late for a rescue operation. “What about you tell us your side of the story now?” It seems like you won’t be able to get out of this one. You noticed that he gritted his teeth again, one look was enough to tell he wasn’t happy. “Well, you see…” “y/n, your majesty Satan and sitri. I’m done, I stopped the bleeding and treated his injuries. Though this won’t be enough, we’ll need to bring him to paradise lost.” In the nick of time Marbas reported his observations and actions, in contrary to what you predicted, you were able to dodge the questions again.

“Why do we need to go all the way there, won’t the hospital in Gehenna suffice?” Satan scoffed, he was getting more furious by the second. First your disappearance, now all the hassle for an enemy. “Because… I believe only his majesty lucifer and gamigin knows how to properly treat him.” Just as Satan was about to inquire about the former seraphim’s injuries, you barged in, “All right, we don’t have much time, no? Shouldn’t we be on the way?” Everything was taking too long, so you interrupted their little small talk and rushed them. In addition, you also walked over to the bed, picking up the white jacket that belonged to his outfit and wrapped him in it. Sitri seems to have finally caught on and helped you carrying him. This was going to be a long night. It was so much hassle just to keep someone alive, maybe you should let him die instead? Was it because of your hardened personality that you weren’t sorry for him, that you didn’t feel any remorse?

It’s been three weeks since Raphael got taken in at the hospital of paradise lost. Your life hasn’t changed much, in fact it reversed back to how it was before your second meeting with him. Today, while you were visiting him, the sleeping beauty finally opened his eyes. It did caught you off guard, so you started to call for the doctor. “You’re [—]. Ah, lucifer, where’s [——]?” His view was blurry, it was like watching black paint spread on a clean paper. Furthermore his head was hurting a lot, as if he had been on a carousel for too long. It was to the point he couldn’t even register your voice properly. “…where…?” The man uttered, it was more like a groan of pain than words. He tried to cover his eyes with his hand due to how bright it was, that’s when he noticed an IV stuck to his arm. “You [—] hospital, if you [——] noticed.” It was still difficult to understand you, but it got better the more he tried. “…is that you, y/n?” Raphael asked and his hand reached out to you, his body acted before he could think about it. You held his hand and intertwined your fingers, then you squeezed his hand. “Yes.” He flinched at that, a little surprised at this sudden gentleness coming from you. This wasn’t how you were like last time, but he didn’t hate it.

A few minutes later lucifer also came into the room, the patient froze upon seeing his former colleague, he also hold your hand more firmly. You didn’t need two brain cells to know they had something to say to each other, so you got up to leave the room. When you stopped holding his hand, he tensed up again, in the end he eventually let go. Were you overthinking it or was he acting differently than before? Nonetheless, you went out to get some food for him. With a bit of discussing and arguing, you got Satan to give you permission to keep him. He did almost die because of you, with that being said you also thought he’d be more wary of you. In the end, you were proven wrong. For the time being you were going to be nice to him, so that he will want to stay, it’d be no good if he runs away. It’s been three weeks now, three weeks of pure boredom. After all that torturous wait, you finally felt an ounce of excitement.

When you got back to his resting place with a bag of to go food, you met lucifer who was just coming out of the room. They must have had a very long talk, was what you thought. You weren’t really curious about what they talked about though, which is why you asked him instead, “can he get out today? He looks healthy enough.” To your surprise the male disagreed, explaining, “he lost his wings, he’ll need physiotherapy.” The confusion was written all over your face like the front cover of a magazine, you said with an irritated tone, “you mean he can’t walk?” “Not good at best.” You should trust the words of a doctor, especially him who has more experience than you, yet you still couldn’t wrap your head around it. “But, it’s his wings he lost. He always walked without showing them.” Lucifer was kingly enough to explain it to you, how much patience he must have, “not showing them and not having them are two different things. He’s been used to having wings it for as long as he lived, this sudden change will cause his body to lose balance, because…” he has too much patience for sure, normally you though he was a quiet guy, though it looks like he can talk a lot if it’s his field. Great, now you had to listen to him lecture you about angel anatomy.

A while later buer called for lucifer, he had something to take care of and left you alone. You on the other hand was standing in front of the patient room now, still holding the now cold bag. So he has to stay here for a month, and then continuously visit it to get better. Is this was you want? Slowly your thoughts were getting too complicated, which is why you stepped inside. “You are back.” You saw raphael turn his head towards you. How pitiful he looked, all bedridden like this. “Yea, are you hungry?” That was a very unnecessary question, really, you didn’t know why you just wasted your breath with that one. Nevertheless you got closer and sat down on the chair next to him, then opened the bag and let him look inside. Maybe you should have used the microwave first, if there was one that is. “It’s all for you.” You added, in case he misunderstands anything. His hand reached out to your direction, though instead of the food he grabbed your hand. “…” “…?” This was bizarre to say the least, he didn’t make any sense. Both of you stayed silent, a few minutes felt like days. Why did he do that? You wondered, but before you could ask he let go of your hand again and reached inside the bag. “Thanks.” The male whispered, then bit into his food.

It was awkward, none of you dared to say something about the new promises between you two. The situation already escalated to the point where you couldn’t go back, guess you had to keep your word then. At some point, after he finished his meal, he just stared at his hands clenching the blankets. It looked like he was deep in thoughts, maybe even regretting ever meeting you. Was what happened only a mistake done in the heat of the moment? Were you going to tell him, ‘sorry, I didn’t mean to’ and then leave? After taking everything from him? That’s what he was contemplating. He can’t return to heaven without his wings, not that he exactly wants to go back, but if hell doesn’t have a place for him where can he go to? Your expression was neutral, too calm even, he couldn’t read you.

It was frustrating, you didn’t get any backlash from it, yet his life had turned upside down. Out of nowhere he reached out to you again and grabbed you by your collar, “You have to take responsibility, you can’t leave me now.” The male threatened you, getting really close to your face. Despite his deep voice, you saw the fear in his eyes, like a stormy night filled with thunder. He moved up too fast, as well as using too much strength, causing him to lose balance and fall over, crashing into your arms with his upper body. This wasn’t anything too dangerous, since you managed to catch him and prevent the fall of you two. It still hurt a little, because his fingers were gripping your shoulders really tight.

“Be careful now.” You said, pulling him in to hug him tightly, watching him tremble a little. This is weird, it wasn’t a natural reaction, so you questioned, “What’s wrong?” “I can’t…” “What?” He was acting strange, this was starting to make you feel uneasy too. Suddenly you hugged you back, holding onto you while saying, “You can’t leave me, don’t leave, never again. You made me like this, you have to take responsibility. Please, please, don’t abandon me too.” His eyes were unfocused, hieratic and wild, he panted while uttering those words like a prayer. The aspect that confused you the most was his expression, an unsettling, forced smile as he clung to you, repeating those phrases like a madman, “don’t leave, I can’t afford it now, don’t leave me.”

You stroked his hair and tried to reassure him, his voice was shaking the entire time. Has he finally gone crazy now? “as long as you behave good, I won’t leave. I’d never leave. I’m right here, Raphael, I’m right here.” It doesn’t matter if he is delusional or not, it’s easier this way. What a twisted path fate has planned out for him, it seems like no matter which turn he takes, he’ll always end up miserable. Even so he just adores when you hold him, when you make his life worth living by planting the seed of love within him. Just a few words that doesn’t even need to be true are enough to wrap him around your finger. You were no good for him, this much was clear from the beginning. Like the deadliest drug, giving him the illusion of temporal happiness, all while slowly rotting him from the inside. He can’t get out of this, he doesn’t want to get out, as long as you are alive he’ll keep using this drug, begging you for more. You can’t leave now, and he’ll make sure it stays like this forever.

Soon your visiting time was over, it was the break of dawn and you had to go home. You wanted to leave and already got up from your seat, he then asked, “where are you going?” “I’m going home, you have to stay here for a while.” Something was amiss again, the atmosphere got heavier. His eyes widened and you saw him getting uncomfortable, the change was so drastically like a light switch. “Take me with you,” Raphael demanded. “What?” This surprised you now. “I want to go with you.” He repeated his words once again, after hearing it for the second time you were still bewildered.

You’d like to say you saw determination in his eyes, but you only saw suspicion and anxiety. “If you want to, but lucifer said…” You abruptly stopped mid sentence, before adding, “you know what, let’s just leave together.” Then you gave him a hand. He tried to stand up, one step after another and hold your hand firmly. Out of nowhere he fell forwards, crashing into you again. Just like last time you managed to grab him and prevent the fall. “Ugh.” The boy yelped a little, and with your help, he managed to get back on his feet. Why was his balance so off, you thought, before you remembered the words of lucifer. To think losing his wing would have such an impact on him, you didn’t imagine it’d be this bad.

But standing alone wasn’t enough. You took a few steps back, and waited for him to follow you. When he did, he instantly fell over again. This time you weren’t there to catch him, and he crashed onto the floor. “Ah..” it wasn’t really painful, considering what he went through, but it scared him. He couldn’t walk like before anymore and flying was definitely out of the question. Even if he knew it will get better, this shock still had a physiological effect on him. Was this truly his fate, the path his lord has chosen for him? Will he find the affection he never got once he reached the end of this? He stared back to his legs, cursing his pathetic state under his breath, why was everything so hard?

You on the other hand was mesmerised, those vulnerable and desperate actions of his were making forgotten emotions float up to the surface again. These were the feelings you missed for three weeks, life’s been so boring without him like the main component was missing. The way he looked so crude was making your heart pound. You wanted him, so bad it hurt. When he looked up to you, he met your gaze, the face you made was indescribable. Was it joy, want, or anger? It made him anxious. An unfamiliar place without anyone he can trust. He killed may devils, who knows when one of them would attack him? His helplessness was causing him to depend on you more and more. “Get up, here.” Once again you reached your hand out to him, and pulled him up. With you here to help him keep balance, he was able to move more precisely.

The two of you didn’t do anything dramatic, simply walking out of the hospital hand in hand. Even if you walked pass other devils, they didn’t dare to say anything. You were the descendant of Solomon, and he was the infamous red angel. Was. Sometimes he would trip a little and lean forward, but you always managed to keep him on his feet. It felt like escorting someone who was drunk. Soon you two got out of the hospital and you called for a taxi, then you opened the door and pushed him inside. Raphael held your hand the entire time, unwilling to let go even for a moment. And with that, you two were making your way back to Gehenna.

Now you’ve done it, you really broke out of the hospital. It was way less dramatic than you thought, even so it left a bad taste in your mouth. You could still turn back and act like all of this never happened, should you? Then you looked over to the man sitting next to you in the car, he was looking out of the window, observing hell. “How do you feel, Raphael? You only woke up today after all.” He flinched at your words, then turned around. “I’m fine, I don’t need to go back.” Silence, a pretty awkward one at that. You still haven’t figured out how you should treat him, just the thought that he didn’t feel any resentment towards you was weird. On one hand you wanted to talk about it, on the other hand you didn’t know if it was the right time to do so. Suddenly Raphael spoke up again, “can I hold your hand?” He’s been like that all day, wanting to do such an innocent act with you, as if you didn’t turn his life upside down. It wouldn’t hurt to agree, so you held your hand out. The male was still looking out the window, in addition to that he was also holding your hand now. The rest of the ride went by like this, quietly and peacefully.

Once you two arrived in Gehenna, you helped him get out of the car. He stumbled a little but he was able to walk, though sometimes he would lose his footing and stray off. With heavy steps you two managed to get to your room. The devils who saw you two didn’t stop you, in such instances it was better to stay curious than knowing somehting they shouldn’t. You two had to go up the stairs to reach your destination, that was fun. Really fun. After he arrived in your room, you immediately made him sit down on your bed. He panted a little, already tired, probably because he didn’t move for the past few weeks. Satan did allow him to stay here, but you weren’t sure if he had an own room yet, so you suggested, “You can stay here for the time being, until I get you a separate room.” “…can it be the one next to yours then?” He asked, it was more like a condition though. “I’ll see what I can do.” “Then i don’t mind staying here.” That wasn’t something he gets to decide. You didn’t know what to think about sharing your privacy like this, since you didn’t have an answer yet, you changed the topic.

“Raphael, how do you feel?” “I answered you already, I’m fine,” he sounded mildly annoyed. “Yea, alright. Then what you are thinking?” “What I am thinking? Let’s see.” Raphael stretched himself on your bed, while you stood in front of him. “I can still remember the pain very well. Don get me wrong, I’m not trying to make you feel guilty. I don’t need it.” The male started explaining, his expression was serious and nonchalant. Then he trailed off, “huh, my chest feels tight whenever you aren’t here, if I can’t make sure you are with me my air gets snapped off. Like someone is ripping my heart out of my chest by force.” You weren’t sure what to do with these information, based on what you understood it seems like he has a few screws loose. “And?” “And it aches, it hurts. I can’t stand the idea of being separated from you.” He fumbled with his sleeves, but he wasn’t uncomfortable with sharing his thoughts.

Suddenly, out of nowhere he raised his voice, those red eyes of his showed an insatiable hunger in them, a need that can’t be satisfied. He grabbed your leg and pleaded, “don’t hurt me, you can hurt my body but don’t hurt me. Don’t leave me on my own, okay?” It’d be an understatement to say you were caught off guard by his sudden touch. Instead of replying him, you tried to take a few steps backwards, but he held onto you tightly. “Please.” His voice echoed through the room, it kind of freaked you out. In the end you got closer to him, now only inches away from the boy. This seems to satisfy him to some amount and he continued, “my neck, hah…it feels like a hand is choking me. It’s snapping my air off. Choke me please, take this feeling away.” “What are you talking about?” You couldn’t keep your bewilderedness hidden anymore, trying hard to understand the current situation.

“You are the only thing I have left. It’s only fair if I’m the only one in yours too. I’ll be good, I’ll be obedient, please tell me you need me like how I need you.” His hands grabbed your hips, fingers digging into your waist. “Ugh! Wait a second…” “I gave you what you wanted, because of you I ended up like this, don’t you see how good I’ve been to you?” This was getting uncomfortable, you weren’t exacltly scared for your life, rather you were concerned about the situation. Was this the consequences of your actions? “Raphael, calm the fuck down!” You grabbed his arms, trying to yank them away. It was starting to hurt, his nails were scratching you. Even admits all of this you noticed the flickering of his eyes, how his hands trembled and how he was shaking.

“Don’t you love me? Don’t you adore me? Isn’t that why you did all of this? Please tell me it’s true, don’t tell me otherwise. I don’t care if you have to lie. I didn’t do all of that for you to abandon me. Aren’t I the only one who would go this far for you? Tell me, tell me…! Please. I can’t, I can’t breathe. Y/n. Tell me you love me, please, give me everything you have. This agonising pain is too much to bear. Numb those feelings down until i am a shell of what I used to be. You can take anything from me, even if it’s my eyes. It hurts, it pains, help me, please, I’m begging. I think I’m going mad, y/n, have I made the wrong choice? All of this ache is driving me insane, you are my only escape now. Take it all away, make it go away. Is there no end to my suffering?”

His emotions just exploded, everything was all over the place. He also started crying at the same time as well as shaking you back and forth. Anger, doubt and fear filled him up to the rim. There was only so much he could take, and today was his snapping point. Your hand moved first, slapping him across the face, soon it turned red. His little breakdown was going too far and you weren’t nice enough to deal with it. “Fuck I told you to calm down, what are you doing, spouting one nonsense after another?” It’s rare for you to get this angry. You’ve learned to have a lot of patience after coming to hell but this man was pushing you out of your comfort zone. “I’m not good enough. I’m sorry, I won’t do it again. I can do better.” For some reason you highly doubted it, I mean just listen to what bullshit he was spouting. “Keep your hand on me, hurt me all you want. I’ll keep you entertained, I can be perfection for you.” The stare he gave you was serious, his tears rolled down his cheek with no purpose. Once again he started yapping about some hallucinations and fantasies he had in his brain.

He felt awful. There was no other way to describe it. Everything hurt, there wasn’t anything worth living for but you. If you left now who knows what he’ll do. Being casted aside all this time made him more insecure than he expected. Like a small bunny that got separated from its mother, walking into the wolfs den without a single clue. All that’s left for him was to clench onto any trace of love he could get. With god gone now, he truly had nothing left to lose, he needed nothing but your affection. This wasn’t about you, this wasn’t about him neither. It was about his obsession with finally feeling loved by his creator. For once he wants to be important to someone, to be useful and seen.

This need of his has been building up for centuries, and now he finally gave in to it. God was it pathetic. The title angel should have never been given to the likes of him, he truly was the one mistake of god. Despite all that you couldn’t deny it, the way he panicked was a little cute. It made your stomach feel butterflies, or was it something? The knowledge that all of this was your work made you feel proud. What a wise decision it was to leave with him today, when he’s still the most unstable. Getting thrown into an unfamiliar environment, meeting all kinds of people that can kill you. Maybe you two were pretty similar after all.

You were planning on being nice to him, you really were, but not anymore after all this drama he caused. “Raphael what are you talking about? You don’t get to decide who I’m seeing!” The words that felt from your lips were like blades stabbing his chest, the filter you had was turned off now. “Be grateful, that someone like me is taking care of something so filthy like you! You know it yourself, you are miserable and vulgar, it’s so selfish of you to want to keep me to yourself.” If he was going to let himself run wild like that, he also had to expect some consequences. The face he pulled was priceless, truly youthful greatest joy now. Tears dropped down his cheeks, you were enjoying yourself again, just like three weeks ago. Yes, this was the feeling you desperately missed.

“Such a pathetic being like you is destined to end up like this. Giving yourself up for me, isn’t it only natural? God favours me and not you.” That was a statement you highly doubted, since you weren’t exactly happy about being down here. Nonetheless, you said it just to make your little dove more miserable. Then you cupped his red and warm face, it was completely drenched in his tears now. His eyes looked tired, he seems to be so done with everything, so you cooed at him, “how pitiful you look…If I own you, you will finally find a purpose in that worthless life of yours again. If you give me your everything, naturally I’ll give you something worthy of it too. You can have an ounce of my affection, isn’t it great? Such a high reward for something like you!”

This was inexplainable, whenever it came to him you were like a different person. Ruining him, breaking him, hurting him, all of this became your favourite hobby. You aren’t a sadist, you are only like this with him! You are a good person, you are saving everyone in hell! It seems even you has lost your mind now. How are you going to return to earth with this mindset? The two of you were a match made from the depths of hell, a place not even god dared to enter. A truly beautiful and twisted bridge full of thorns. Instead of fighting together you made him clear the way for you, only to push him into the deadly river afterwards. Why you’d go this far? Honestly you didn’t have a good reason, it was all done for the sake of your enjoyment. “You aren’t enough Raphael, you are never enough.” A soft smile appeared on your face as you chuckled. This was fulfilling, but that blackhole inside you ached for more. “I’m so sorry Raphael, that you were born, and that you have to keep living. I’m begging you, please be lonely forever. Do it for me?”

Raphael was sobbing quietly, yet his features didn’t tell he was sad, instead relief was written all over his face. He didn’t know why, but you were dazzling right now. When you touched him it felt like the hand of god, you were his replacement for his lord. “I know it hurts, it will only get worse from here on, but soon you’ll be craving the pain.” You whispered, wiping his tears away with tender movements. “Please endure all of this and live miserable with me for a long time.” Stay with you, forever, that was all he heard. He filtered the words out he didn’t want to hear, then he gave you a meek smile. How adorable, so damn cute you won’t ever let go of him. You caressed his cheeks from above, smiling back at him. No one could understand the relationship of you two, it was something truly unique and wonderful. Who would have thought that the bunny and the wolf ended up together?

“y/n, do you love me?” Raphael asked, it looks like he finally calmed down. How strange that such words were able to help him. Or it broke him more, who knows. You had to think about what to say, the feelings you experienced when you were with him, the ache you felt and how you wanted to do so many things to him. After a few moments, you eventually came to the conclusion this must be love. Love makes one crazy, if this isn’t love, then what is it? It would mean it was something much more sinister, and that didn’t have a nice sound to it. Maybe it was just a mutual reliance, each one takes something from the other they desperately need while hurting all the involved parties as they do. Even if that was the truth, you couldn’t care less. All you wanted to do was to hold him while he repeats the words, ‘I’m yours’. You kissed his forehead, then answered with a ‘yes’. He pulled you towards him and both of you fell onto the bed, it bounced a little due to your weights. Then, Raphael hugged you tightly as he whispered, “I’m glad. I love you too.”

#whb #what in hell is bad #rara whb #what in hell is bad rara #whb raphael #what in hell is bad raphael #raphael #whb rara #okay I’m going to rant more in the tags #the scene where they got out of the hospital #first I made it killing stalking style that he had to crawl cuz it was so bad #then I made it that reader got him a wheelchair #had to rewrite that shit three times cuz I wasn’t satisfied #at the end I only wrote dialogue at first #that’s why they talk so much out of nowhere #the text and vibe was inspired from a cover #love me love me love from nerissa ravencroft #it’s really great #then I had struggles making this fluff cuz what about it is fluff???#also I almost trailed into smut #like Raphael just begging us to fuck him #to make him forget all the suffering and pain #I also had to search up so many things like #what happens when you lost a part of your body #how does being dependant and toxic feel #mental breakdown and how that feels what you do #anyway as you can see I had problems oh my lord #end of my rant :>

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rin-and-jade · 9 months

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Who am I.. : A post about being blurry

I got a few things to talk about here, while some of you are already aware of its struggles and have experiences around it, i’d love to add on more about this (it’s a long post) so don’t mind if i do;

To reiterate, being blurry means you’re in a moment where identifying who is out (at front) and who is currently talking (in co-con) takes huge effort or near to impossible in resolving this cloudy situation,, as well as having hazy + worser memory and lastly, bad internal communication that may occur.

There are some factors that are not limited to:

Exposed to stressors

Exhaustion

Lacking restful sleep

Dissociative mechanisms

Being overwhelmed

etc..

People may have different tolerance level and frequency that also could be out of natural reasons and lifestyles (as well as periods of alertness, yes, it shifts in different hours of the day), when having this once in a while its not a prob at all.. but what if it became more frequent than usual? Do you know what to do? If you do please reblog your own approach so it can help others. And for those who don’t i do have my own and i’ll give some of my approaches after i tell some potential effects that can happen when being blurry:

Having inconsistency in portraying outside

Dealing with confusion, can cause conflicts inside

Harder time in deciding or responding

Trouble around communicating with parts effectively and clearly

Memory gaps and losing track of time

These things aren't lovely, not even a bit.. so i have two ways to deal with it depending on context and situation,, Solve or Adapt. Solve is where you want to end the blurriness for good and Adapt is when Solve does not work or can’t be bothered to at first place.

Choosing Solve:

Using list of alters (especially pk bot) and go through each of them, seeing which one resonates.

Same thing but with music, make sure its the songs you know they (your other parts) listen to or from the provided playlist already.

Pay attention to a distinctive trait that pops out from all the meshed stuffs going on (specific way of talking or thinking or vibes, anything else)

Think of what clothing style you’d like to wear? Then check that with who would dress like that.

Choosing Adapt:

Give up with demanding tasks (unless if it’s important, just use your energy efficiently) and consider relaxing. This helps keeping mental load at bay.

Feeling unsure about who you are can be uncomfy, doing some comfort activities might do the trick.

Prepare a notes app and jot everything down to keep track of chores or work to do or remembering important things, don’t take it lightly because memory won’t be as helpful as usual.

Keep workload and stress at minimum, if it can be done later then put it aside, if not,, try breaking it to easier bits and commit to it with breaks if needed.

Last thing i want to tell is that I’ve seen my friends being blurry but not wanting to resolve it either due to not having enough mental capacity to deal with that, or having brain fog which makes it harder, or having way too much overlapping traits/identities that is beyond confusing which demotivated them, or not cut for it due to not enough understanding yourself/others to discern at the first place.. and thats okay, because im here if you need some help (or you can ask your trusted friend) and i hope this post is informative, stay slay guys.

- j

#did #actually did #did community #did system #did osdd #dissociative identity disorder #plural #system stuff #sysblr #Jeducates

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hayakawasb1tch · 10 months

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Sugar and Spice

Description: Time has passed since your last encounter with Suguru, and all seems to be back to normal, much to your dismay. What will happen when Satoru finally brings Suguru back to his house?

TW: Reader is referred to as a girl, reader accidentally cuts her finger, daddy kink, alcohol intoxication

Part One

Banner credit to: @benkeibear