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ghost-inacup · 2 years

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So, how does amatonormativity fuck a person up? (i made the aro survey)

omg okay so hi bestie sit down have some tea cause i might go on an endless rant here:

okay, so lets begin by defining amatonormativity: it is the societal expectation of everyone wanting an exclusive, long term romantic relationship and would be better off with it. some common assumptions made due to this are :

Assuming that everyone wants to get married, and unmarried/unpartnered people are unhappy or lonely

Treating romantic relationships as more important than friendships

The structuring of society around married couples (housing, taxes, etc.)

“Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend yet?” (sourced from: https://sophia.smith.edu/aace/about-asexuality-and-aromanticism/allonormativity-and-amatonormativity/)

Now, while this affects many queer identities, i can only provide an aro perspective on it.

Growing up, all around me, from as young as kindergarten, romantic relationships were prioritised. even 3 year olds who didn't even grasp the concept of romance were like, oh they're dating now, oh they're married now, etc. throughout my life, the expectation that everyone will eventually pursue a romantic relationship was a constant.

And that fucks you up.

Lets start with the fact that it forced me into thinking it would be my end all goal. i would meet a guy, have a romantic relationship, marry him, have kids, the whole package. And that led to quite a few situations where i forced myself to act like i felt romantic attraction, to convince myself to do things i was not ready for. It led to heartache and probably contributed to my depression. It led to destruction of friendships and led to an unhealthy relationship, which i will say is still affecting me. half a decade later and i still berate myself over those things, it has affected my self perception a lot.

then, when i discovered i was aro,(and its still going on tbh) it made me think i was not normal. it led to the realisation of my othering in a way, for i would never truly know what it is that society prizes and lauds so much. It led to a feeling of isolation and forced me to internalise a lot of shit, and probably bottle up things which i still haven't told anyone about.

then, the linking of my self worth with someone showing romantic interest in me. the feeling that something is wrong with me, physically, mentally, emotionally, just because someone never said hey i like you. the fear thats still within me that i am undesirable and not worthy. that even in movies the "ugly" girl sometimes ends up with a boy so why cant i? it led me to cling unhealthily to anyone who shows/ed me even a modicum of affection, to such an unhealthy degree that it destroyed a friendship, all in the wish that i was worthy of someone's love. all in the feeling that if no one likes me romantically, i do not have worth. i would be just someone people barely tolerate and leave as soon as they can.

also, as a cupioromantic: it fucks me up even more. cause i know wanting a relationship is sort of enforcing amatonormativity but fuck, it would be nice to have. and also, the fear that what will i say to an unsuspecting person, who gets in a relationship with me? with the expectation that it will be romantic? " hey sorry i can never love you romantically but i love you with my whole heart and i hope thats enough?" and then watching them leave cause if there isn't romance whats the damn point?

it hurts every time i think people getting in relationships, expecting me to relate about romantic attraction, them saying "you will also get one don't worry" them being allies but not even knowing aromantic and treating me like i'm a cold hearted monster who could never love truly and its the mourning in the corner of my heart for the fact that i can never experience what people say is a fundamental feeling and in the end,

it fucks you up.

#froggybxy #asks #aro #aromantic #cupioromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #aroace #amatonormativity #long post #thanks for indulging me #also the thinking that a relationship will cure your depression #it wont

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gay-dorito-dust · 2 months

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Damian thinking he can cure depression and all of your negative mindsets by letting you cuddle and hug Bat-Cow.

He’d personally drag you all the way to the barn and then promptly point towards the half-awake cow lounging in the farthest corner and with the straightest face he says;

‘Hug the cow y/n.’

You’re confused, you’re depressed and have told him so in confidence, and here he was demanding that you cuddle up to the bovine, who was staring at you both with their dark eyes.

‘Why?’ You’d ask, eyes never leaving the cow and Damian sighs impatiently. ‘It’ll cure your current aliment of depression.’ He says with such certainty that you almost believed him for a minute…almost.

‘Damian this is stupid, even for you-‘ however before you could finish your sentence, Damian was already pushing you from behind towards Bat-Cow, who only watched as you were positioned into their warm side, silently chewing before becoming disinterested and went back to resting their head on the floor.

Bat-cow didn’t smell the greatest but then again…they were a fucking cow but they were warm and fluffy and comfortable, so much so that you ended up cuddling further into them found yourself falling asleep almost instantaneously with a small smile on your lips. ‘Good Bat-Cow…’ you murmur sleepily as the bovine only huffs out hot air, unfazed at you cuddling them as everyone from Damian to even Jason had come once in a while to cuddle up into their side.

Damian made a satisfied noise and was about to leave when he noticed that there was a space big enough for him to slot himself against Bat-Cow also. He shifts he gazed all across the entire barn, making sure he wasn’t being observed somehow, before cuddling himself into the side of the large animal.

Damian wouldn’t find out until way later that he was indeed being observed as he chased after Tim throughout the manor, sword in hand.

Jason who loves to cuddle you as though it’s been forever since you last saw each other.

(It had been five minutes max, you needed to piss.)

He’d even make it his personal mission to carry you in his arms anywhere and everywhere he went in the apartment. He will not hear the cliche ‘I’m too heavy’ bullshit excuse, let him carry you in his arms damn it! He wants to hold you! Do not reject him this golden opportunity!

He doesn’t care if anyone like Bruce, Dick or Roy are present because if anything it shows them that he had someone in his life that he loved and adored more than anything. Roy/Dick -mainly Dick- may tease him to high heavens about it but Jason only shrugs it off and says albeit childishly: ‘well at least I have someone to hold onto every night unlike you dickhead.’ Before casually carrying you into the kitchen with him to grab a drink.

(Remember that ‘Gator needs his gat, you punk ass bitch.’ tiktok Trend where ppl picks up their friend? Yh that’s what goes on in my head when writing this.)

Jason fears as though he’s not spending enough time with you. Which is bullshit because this man spends every waking moment with you being cute and loving and just the absolute best in general.

He’s not use to the whole relationship thing and he’s overthinking everything he’s doing and worries that it might be the breaking limit for you. So all you got to do is hold his face in your hands, rest your head against his own and reassure him that he was spending more than enough time with you. It’ll probably won’t get rid of the notion that he wasn’t doing enough for you out of Jason’s head, but at least it was something that he could be reminded of when he was getting too lost in his thoughts.

He’s a worrywart and a big one at that, but as long as you keep being his anchor, keep being the reason his head feels a lot clearer and so on, then Jason will gradually come to learn that he never needs to worry about anything when you’re more than happy to keep reminding him that it’s okay to worry, and that he wasn’t being suffocating or otherwise.

Jason maybe physically imposing and intimidating to look at for some people but to you, he was like those badly stereotyped big dogs that are the biggest sweethearts. Dogs such as:

Rottweilers

XL bully dogs

Pit bull

Doberman Pinscher and more.

He’s a sweetheart who just looks intimidating, nothing more nothing less…unless you happen to be a criminal then Jason is anything but the word sweet or adorable as they’re getting their asses beaten.💀

Dick always asks you if you still love him after every minor inconvenience.

It doesn’t matter what happens or how it happens, he always give you those puppy dog eyes of his and pouts his lips. ‘Do you still love me?’

‘Dick we’ve been through this before, of course I love you.’ You’d reply.

‘But you looked really annoyed right now and I just wanted to know if you still like me enough to date me.’ He then says as he rests his head on your shoulder, pressing himself against your back.

You sighed before looking over at him and pressing a tender kiss to his cheek. ‘Does that clear everything up for you?’ You asked rhetorically as Dick beamed brightly and stole a kiss from your lips, reinvigorated. ‘Yep.’ He’d respond before moving on with the rest of his day.

If you were to accidentally forget to kiss him good morning or before you were leaving for work, Dick would take full offence as he places himself in front of the door, arms crossed and lips formed into that pout you were more then familiar with at this point. ‘You hate me.’

‘Dick I’m in a hurry!’ You cry, looking at the time.

‘And you forgot my good morning kisses!’ He’d cry back at you and you would be several minutes late to work, all because you were making up for the misses kisses. You hate Dick sometimes but you knew you couldn’t be mad at him for long when he’d smother in kisses upon arriving him from work, so you guessed he could be given a pass…just this once.

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ponderingmoonlight · 3 months

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Gojo Satoru Masterlist

Touch her and you'll burn Your boyfriend Gojo goes berserk after finding out that Toji kidnapped you.

You saved me After Suguru tried to kill his former girlfriend, Satoru is there to cure your depression.

She is my weakness While you are on the brink of death through Suguru's hands, Satoru realizes just how much you really mean to him.

A word of power When his wife is sent to missions over and over until it visibly gets to her, Gojo decides to do something against it.

Lies in the dark You boyfriend Gojo cheated on you with another woman, leaving you heartbroken. Did he, though?

Keep doing it Satoru loves coming to your office everyday to finally win your heart. But it seems like you're more subborn than he thinks.

Having to share a bed with Satoru Gojo at a love hotel ... no words needed.

Golden girl Satoru Gojo really hates everything about you, especially the fact that you are stronger than him. Is it even possible to get along with you, let alone like you? (Spoiler: yes)

The heart wants what it wants 18+ The farewell of your boyfriend Suguru left a wound so deep that it seems like no one is able to fix it. Is the Satoru Gojo, who's secretly in love with you, able to pick your pieces back together?

Promises you can't keep When Sukuna realizes that you did not only break your oath to wait until he returns back to you but married Gojo Satoru after 1000 years of him waiting for you, he goes insane.

Don't touch her Gojo going berserk when you get injured by a curse

Gojo eavesdropping on his wife when she's talking about him While you kept your relationship with Satoru private, you always admire him when you meet at work. However, when your students ask you about your type in men, you can't help but describe the love of your life who hears every single word

Gojo recklessly flirting with Choso's little sister at Shibuya After being set in Shibuya to distract and exhaust none other than Satoru Gojo, Choso's little sister soon learns that the rumors about his charm are true.

Gojo teasing the heck out of you after realizing you get flustered by his eyes After working with smooth operator Gojo Satoru for years, he slowly but surely began to realize what your true weakness is: his bright blue orbs. And he wouldn't be Satoru Gojo if he wouldn't use that against you...

Gojo's and (y/n)'s son wanting to marry (y/n) no words needed

Gojo going nuts when his students don't believe him that you are his wife When Satoru wears his wedding ring for the first time in front of his students, Nobara can't help but wonder who he's married to. But when Gojo confesses it's you, his students just don't believe him.

Gojo getting flustered by his sweaty wife and smacked at their training session Your beloved husband never fails to beat you without mercy when training together. But this time, something seems to catch his eye - your chance to finally hit him with your best shot.

Megumi accidentaly calling Gojo's wife "mum" no words needed

Gojo calling (y/n) a burden to keep her safe Despite the fact that Satoru Gojo was the one who lifted you up and gave you the confidence to go on your very first solo-mission, it was also him who shattered your confidence in order to keep you safe.

Gojo's wife showing her maniac side when it comes to protecting her precious students (Part 1) Despite Gojo's wife spoke vehemently against sending the first and second years on a way too difficult mission, the elders decided against her suggestion. Her calm and collected self changes drastically when she makes them regret their decicion...

Gojo's wife going berserk in order to protect her students (Part 2) Like your bad feeling already suggested, especially Toge's and Yuji's lives hang on a threat when their mission doesn't go as planned. Good for them that Gojo's wife and their teacher rushes to their side and shows everyone just how much she cares about them.

Gojo's girlfriend being there for Shoko when no one else is Shibuya brings even a strong and collected woman like Shoko down to her knees. Especially when you, the only person who seems to truly care about her, ask her about her well-being when your boyfriend just got sealed....

Gojo dressing up as Santa for his girlfriend, Megumi and Tsumiki Satoru Gojo expected a lot of things, but not his girlfriend and two rescued kids making fun of him after he put on a Santa costume only for them.

Gojo being your enemy (or lover?) Your family told you over and over, pounded it into your head since childhood: Satoru Gojo is your enemy, you are simply not allowed to feel anything but hatred towards the Gojo clan. But why do you find yourself lost in his arms each and every night, begging him to love you right?

Gojo buying (y/n) souvenirs after every mission and finding out she kept EVERYTHING Since your joyful smile is so addictive, Satoru can't help but buy you a souvenir every time he goes on a mission. After a few months, he realizes by accident that you do, in fact, keep everything he gifts you...

Geto's little sister finding out her husband got sealed by her big brother You thought you lost him forever, your big brother. Until Shibuya brings you back to reality, until your beloved husband gets sealed by none other than your dead big brother. Until you show your enemy what you're made off...

Gojo's wife supposedly getting executed by kicking ass instead When Sibuya is finally over, you find yourself facing none other than the elders who want to execute you. Little do they know you are no one to be messed with, that even without your husband by your side, you are a true threat if you want to...

Satoru Gojo purposely keeping the scar you gave him When his skin gets busted by your sheer excitement, it doesn't feel right to Satoru to use his reversed technique and simply heal.

Gojo's and (y/n)'s daughter buying a prom dress for her mum because she never had one When you told your little one about the fact that you never got to wear a prom dress, it was clear for your husband and daughter they needed to change that for your birthday.

(y/n) comforting her husband after he was forced to kill his best friend The man who seems goofy all day, who never takes anything serious breaks down in his wife's arms after he killed his best friend.

Satoru Gojo trying to make bun with his daughter's kinky hair It always looked so easy to him, the way you put your thick hair into the most breathtaking hairstyles. But when his daughter asked him to do a sleek bun on her, he was confronted with the stinging fact how difficult styling kinky hair can be. But that doesn't stop the dad of the year from learning... (POC reader!)

Reader going from being Gojo's lover to being his worst enemy You were always the perfect girlfriend for Satoru Gojo: innocent, quiet and weak. Until something inside you snapped. Until you decided you don't want to be weak anymore. Until you realized that Satoru Gojo isn't your lover, but your enemy...

Gojo's daughter insisting on him brushing her hair because he's so gentle You are pretty suprised when your daughter insists on your husband brushing her hair depite the fact that this is normally your job. Until you find out why...

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galedekarios · 3 months

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Gale headcanons go! :]

thank you for your ask. i'm sorry it took this long to get around to it. my mind blanked.

i want to add that these are solely my own headcanons and just that. nothing more. if you have a different opinion, that's valid. i'm not here to argue or debate about it.

anyhow, these aren't in any particular order, just writing as i think of them:

-gale was clean-shaven before the orb and being discarded by mystra. his hair has outgrown its original style as well. this is the reason why tara hates gale's beard, even when felines usually like to rub their faces against them.

-while gale has enchanted the piano in his tower to play by itself, he can and does play himself when the mood takes him.

-gale doesn't truly get jealous or possessive. he skips that step and slips right into questioning himself and feeling sad/insecure.

-gale tends to overthink, he struggles with anxiety and feeling overwhelmed esp after the orb, but has found methods that help him deal with these feelings and bring them under some form of control to examine them ("please, i need to think... i need to retrace my steps to a glade of calm and think.")

-he cries at his wedding & struggles through his vows

-he never takes off his wedding ring

-while he is very much an acts of service person in a relationship, he learns to accept and love being taken care of and doted on by his partner

-gale is very much able to find beauty in the mundane and simple things of life: beautiful flowers in a garden, the way the light falls at sunset, the sound of rain tapping against the window, the fresh salty sea breeze in the morning, a warm cup of expensive tea, a beautiful piece of art, a touching poem

-he often prefers walking home with his partner after work instead of using portals or teleportation. it allows him to talk about both of their days and show his partner things about the city he loves so very much. it also allows him to clear his head after a long day.

-his spellbook has pages that look like this:

when tara has decided that nagging him to stop working didn't cut it anymore.

-speaking of: gale gets so absorbed into his work and research that he skips both sleep and meals

-after his long isolation and depression, struggling with orb and being affected by it physically, gale is quite slender/willowy (tara has several lines reminding him to eat and take care of himself in an origin run) with a soft stomach and no muscle definition

-he's ~175 cm

-he's touch-starved

-while he does like to cook for others, he doesn't tolerate anyone helping him with the task. he will however appreciate it if his partner cooked for him.

-his tower now is quite barren, except for his extensive book collection, having consumed most magical artefacts he owned

-after his return to waterdeep, he likes to fill it with little things he has collected over time. the space is healing as much as he is.

-gale still suffers from chronic pain flare-ups, even after the orb is gone/calmed

-he likes it when things (fabrics, clothes, pens, books, etc etc etc) are well made and of high quality, but not necessarily ostentatious

-he has an eclectic taste, sort of imparted on him by morena's own

-his father abandoned him and morena

-gale is extremely open-minded and accepting, and will entertain almost any and all thoughts and opinions as long as they are well argued for / follow a sound logic

-while he's not easily spooked or scared given how diverse and open waterdeep is, nothing quite managed to prepare him for the things he would see during the journey to cure himself and the others of the tadpole. his knowledge was mostly academic, save for the stray unfortunate death slaad encounter. he works through these things by compartmentalising. writing them down, examining them and going over them in his mind.

-he hopes that he and the friends he's made on this journey will stay close. he writes them regularly and is elated when he receives a reply himself, but will need encouragement and reassurance to organise a get-together in waterdeep.

-his biggest flaw is not hubris or the ambition in the pursuit of knowledge he held as a chosen, his biggest flaw is his sense of worth as gale dekarios, the imperfectly perfect human being, the person behind the titles and accomplishments and perceived failures and insecurities

-he still has to realise what truly happened in his 'relationship' with mystra and still has a lot of healing to do after the game ends

-in the early stages of his relationship with his partner, he's very willing to please/tolerate, at times sadly to the detriment of his own preferences (drow twin scene)

-while he takes compliments in stride, he still likes and appreciates word of affirmation and praise; his partner insulting or degrading him would wound him deeply

-while he wouldn't be a father himself, he would be perfectly happy to be the eccentric uncle. yet even so and while he does love it, he would need time to recharge his social batteries after / recover from the overstimulation that being around children for a prolonged amount of time brings.

-gale's magic is a second nature to him and he likes using it even for the many mundane things, turning the page of a book, getting a spice from a high shelf, etc

-he's a born sorcerer with a wizard's education

-after settling in waterdeep with his partner, he lets his hair grow out more

-while easily lost in his work and research, gale is extremely thoughtful about anniversaries or birthdays, always striving to find the perfect gift

-he likes reading to his partner or being read to & discussing it, exchanging thoughts and opinions

-it's canon that he does write poetry, i like to imagine he'd sometimes leave little haiku-esque verses for his partner

i'm sure i have more, but they escape me right now so. 🖤

#gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #gale x tav #tav x gale #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #ch: gale dekarios #vg: baldur's gate 3 #series: baldur's gate #text: asks

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ventismacchiato · 1 year

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O1 behind the lens — kicking my feet and giggling !

scaramouche x g!n reader

“When you said we were going out for a meal I didn’t think you meant a cat cafe,” you mused as you slid into the seat Kuni pulled out for you.

“You mentioned you liked cats during class,” Kuni shrugs, sitting across from you and flinching as a cat jumps up onto his lap almost immediately. You were a little envious…whether it be of him or the cat you didn’t know.

“I have a cat,” you grin, always eager to show anyone your precious baby. You hold back though since Kuni doesn’t seem the type, but much to your surprise he kept up with you as you swiped through your photo album dedicated to you and your roommates’ cat.

“Cute,” he hums, a soft smile on his face as you put your phone away.

“Me or the cat?”

“Both,” he easily says, mindlessly petting the creature in his hands.

You feel you cheeks heat up at his comment, hiding your face behind the menu as he snickers at your reactions.

“You’re so fucking easy to fluster.”

“No, it’s just you.”

“Oh?”

“Shut up—”

“I’m sure you’d like that.”

“Shut up!”

behind the lens !

masterlist — prev | next

background info for kuniyn you both have the same major and are in the same photography class and became friends after being paired for multiple projects together

everyone other than scarayn use their public accounts to reply to private tweets but the fans don’t see them just pretend 😇

have only been to a cat cafe once in my life LITERALLY SO FUN cures ur depression fr

made the message icons different than the twt ones so it’s more fun

synopsis — you, better known as STARDUST, and BALLADEER have always been in competition for the top streamer spot on twitch, which is especially impressive since the two of you have never shown your faces. you’ve never been on good terms, constantly one-upping each other in matches and getting into petty arguments on twitter, causing your fans to also dislike each other. that’s until BALLADEER does a face reveal that breaks the internet with his good looks…which makes you realize it’s the same guy you went on a date with last night. the type of date that made you crave to see him again. the only problem was he didn’t know you were STARDUST and he was way different behind the lens than he portrayed himself online to you. should you keep your identity a secret to salvage the relationship or just let him go?

author’s notes — finals are over 🔥 kinda jumping in cus in order for the au to start i gotta build on their existing off camera relationship which is HARD but i hope it’s good 😓

taglist is closed — @captainzep @elysiumarchieve @plinkuro @sakkakuu-squared @eliqusgenma @vuvulia @kunikuzushiit @heehooyeslol @stxrgxzxr @lilneps @uma-umie @lynnforever @mitsukifilms @caesars-bubbles @wheneverthesunrise @its-like-twilight @kazuhalvrr @camiluvsreading @cloudxemoji @thenightsflower @p1utto @caesars-bubbles @lxry-chxn @orbitscara @court-jester-stuff @lauragalliart @veyu002 @kaeyas-eyepatch-69 @leathernourishingshoepolish @satowaluverr @lexlapis @drunkwithfever @remiikoe @exhaustedcommunist @vincanzu @just-here-reading @amoguz @ainlaw @ovaliz @depressedwhore @kitsuvil @whatamidoing89 @bunny-x-sakura @kunihaver @kazioli @xiaosoneandonly @vinskypuff @cridtiins @cherrybeomgyu @asukahiriko [1/3]

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mewguca · 10 months

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I was thinking about how people should talk more about the parallels between hunter and moon

This is a rather self-indulgent piece...I find it very comforting to be able to express my emotions through a media I love like this...that's probably my favorite thing about art. Being able to express something...being able to connect emotionally with the viewer...is really nice

textless versions and a long rambling under the cut

Hunter is often viewed as a very strong and agile slugcat...they are the "hard mode" after all. Hunter probably has a lot of physical prowess. But, with the rot...they become weaker. At its worst, they struggle to do basic movements...until they eventually die. Of course, in my version of events...Hunter's rot is cured, but it still leaves lasting side-effects. Their scars go beyond simple battle wounds...there's a sort of pervasive sickliness throughout their whole body. Treatment helps, of course...but

You know how that is, right...? You have to keep getting treatments. You have to work for your recovery. And you have to work to prevent your body from getting weaker again...Or y'know, that's how it is if you've ever had any reoccurring or chronic health issues. It's...a struggle I feel like doesn't get expressed very often...so I wanted to express it through my version of Hunter.

Even though Moon isn't anywhere near as organic, I feel like she can relate to similar struggles. She used to be like a god...a powerful supercomputer who could do just about anything! But...she couldn't bring herself to do the one thing that'd preserve her own wellbeing. She delays and delays on forcing Pebbles to stop with her administrative powers until it is far too late...

Maybe she thought she could handle it. That everything would be fine if she just waited for Pebbles to understand...or waited for him to stop. If she just kept sending messages, eventually he would listen.

But he didn't. Things didn't get better. And by the time she finally took action against it, it was too late...her forced communications did nothing but make her brother furious with her...because she "ruined everything." She could only accept her imminent collapse...

When she woke up again, she had only a few neurons left to run on. Her umbilical was broken, her overseers were out of her control, and even the roof over her head was incomplete.

She couldn't do most of the things she used to. She could hardly move. She could hardly even think. She could barely remember who or what she used to be...and she didn't have great ability to remember the present, either.

It must have been really painful...but she keeps doing what she can anyways. She reads the pearls you bring her. She tells you about the items you bring. She gives you information as best as she can. She is kind and hospitable. She encourages you. She could be so bitter and depressed...so resentful and cruel...but she isn't. I'm sure she has plenty of bitterness and resentment, plenty of hopelessness and great sadness, plenty of suffering...

But when she sees the little slugcat, she's still kind to it. She is grateful for what she has. She is happy to see you. And she keeps on living.

She's so strong...she is a huge inspiration for me.

So, I think if anyone could relate to Hunter's struggle...Moon is probably the closest. I think people should talk about their relationship more...after all, Hunter is her "little savior." I think they would be wonderfully close. They could support each other in their struggles to keep living, even if their bodies fight against them. I also think their friendship is just cute! Great potential for angst, for fluff, for comfort...idk. everything, really. It would be wonderful for them to reunite when they're both in better shape...as creatives, we can make a versions of events where that happens. It's really wonderful to me...for a work of art to inspire others to create art because of it.

This game means a lot to me...and it means a lot to me that it resonates so much with other people as well. So, thank you...

#rain world #egg art #eggmoon creations #looks to the moon #rw hunter #angst #comfort #rambled eggs #eggmoon's rain world

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palfriendpatine66 · 1 month

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Your Pal’s Hayden Review: Higher Ground

What? Yes. I’m going to take a second away from my 24/7 Ewan obsession to throw a little love Hayden’s way and talk about Higher Ground. I had heard a lot about the series before I decided to check out the series and I’m so glad I did. It can be really difficult to track down but right now it’s streaming for free for a limited time on the CW website (and app) as well as tubi.

TLDR: I highly recommend a watch for a great Hayden performance in an angst ridden, emotional teen drama about kids working through their trauma in a therapeutic wilderness school. Many many content warnings for difficult topics and content warnings after my general review below the cut.

This was seriously the role Hayden was born to play. He plays a broken, sulky teen who lashes out in flashes of anger before he breaks down and cries AKA he is modern AU Anakin. It’s no wonder he was cast as Anakin after his work on this. His performance is emotional and vulnerable and shattered my heart multiple times.

The show is never quite able to make the viewer forget that they’re watching a teen drama with a cast of actual teens playing the teenage characters filmed in the year 2000, but I was able to forgive it for it’s occasionally overacted and/or not quite realistic dialogue and key moments accompanied by in your face soundtrack choices to pump up the drama and I think you will too. A very diverse collection of issues that impact real teens but are rarely talked about were depicted surprisingly realistically and sensitively. I was really impressed that the show consistently emphasized - over and over again - that the traumas the kids went through that were behind the problematic behaviors that landed them in their one stop shop rehab/intensive therapy/social and life skills group/high school program were not their fault, but only they could be responsible for how they coped and chose to go forward with the rest of their lives. The councilors on the show had healthy, caring, supportive relationships with the kids in their program, and the advice they gave was (generally) actually helpful and real life strategies. What I liked the most about this show was that it was realistic in there is no magic cure or happily ever after, but there is hope and there is healing and there are opportunities for a positive future even when everything is awful.

Content warnings below - feel free to dm if you want more details if you’re considering a watch. Also if you have watched please let me know if I missed any. For the most part these weren’t graphic depictions (they were rated TVPG in 2000) but the emotional impacts and aftermath are focused on in detail and can be very heavy.

- depictions of depression, anxiety, and panic attacks with flashbacks - drug addiction - drug use - overdose death - alcoholism - teen runaway - rape - sexual abuse of a minor - sexual abuse of a minor by a parent - sexual abuse of a minor by a step parent - emotional abuse - gaslighting - abuse allegations being dismissed, not believed - eating disorders - discussions of self harm - graphic depiction of cutting - scenes and discussions of suicide and death - death of a parent - gang involvement - domestic violence - physical abuse - infertility - drowning death - teen prostitution -

#would you like to be sad? if so this is a show for you #your pals Hayden reviews #higher ground #hayden christensen #scott barringer

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morverenmaybewrites · 2 months

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Hi! I'm so glad you're back, new chapter of Pizza girl was amazing as always, for me it's absolutely the best dc fic ever!

I especially love how the relationship between Jason and other characters feels heartbreakingly natural, how it isn't a case of "love magically cured trauma" but rather slowly and messyly opening up, and trying to heal with the help of right people at right time.

And as much as I cannot wait for Jason and pizza girl to have more straight up romantic shenanigans, I love how they started with gaining each other trust and building their friendship, I adore them as domestic buddies.

I have a question, if it isn't some kind of spoiler of course, at this point of the story, does Jason have (or wants to have) a life outside of his Red Hood persona? And I mean it half psychologically half practically (similarly to pizza girl, how does he earn money if being a vigilante isn't a source of income?)

But seriously, I find it heartbreaking that as much as he yearns for home, he still lives in safe houses, and I was so happy when he thought about asking Babs for help in looking for something more permanent for himself. And it fits into his fear of being traced of course, but got me thinking, in a more personal sense, does he have a motivations for living other than trying to make up for his mistakes as Arkham Knight?

Something like: does he realise that there's Red Hood who fights for those who can't do it for themselves, but there's also Jason who likes the smell of new books, has his favorite mug and favorite way of drinking coffee, has his favorite chair at the local library, who maybe has quiet and innocent dream to get a degree or his dream job and be loved and needed by someone?

Does he realise the second one exists and deserves to be cherished by him?

(Sorry if this ask is too much, I just now realised how long it got 😭 I will absolutely understand if you don't have time to answer this)

Anyway thank you for writing this amazing and captivating work, I can't wait for next chapters, whenever they'll be ready❤

In the meantime I hope you get time to rest and have fun! Stay safe!

This is a wonderful breakdown of Jason's character! To answer your question, does Jason have a life outside of his Red Hood persona? No. Does he want one? Unconsciously, the answer is yes, but I don't think he can acknowledge it right now. For years following the Joker's torture, he's pretty much been in survival mode, keeping himself alive by being obsessed with a singular goal. First, it was to kill the Joker and Batman, and then when he found out the Joker was dead, it was to kill Batman. Now, it's to seek redemption as the Red Hood. While he may have (somewhat) progressed from his days as the Arkham Knight, he's still clinging to the same unhealthy coping mechanisms. It's a little (or a lot) like depression. He's so focused on getting through today and the next day and the next day that there's little room for anything else. Hobbies and friends and a place to feel at home in sound nice, but they also sound absolutely unattainable. And he's lived with that mindset for so long that he's all but forgotten that there are different ways to live. That's where Jason's head is right now. Maybe one day, he'll progress enough that he'll be able to look around his safehouse, so sparse that it's no different from a prison cell, and he'll think to himself that he wants something more. And it doesn't have to be anything big. Nothing so grand as the Wayne Manor. Just a small place, maybe above a bookstore. Maybe in the beginning, it's not so different from his safehouses. Just a mattress on the floor and a bathroom. But then one day, he'll add something small. Some secondhand book he bought from the store for the change he had in his pocket. It's from an author he's never heard of before. The writing is a little clunky, but it's enough to pass the time while he's waiting for updates on his cases. Maybe he reads it next to his window, by the light of the flickering street lamps, trying not to grimace at the way the hard wood is digging into his back. Maybe one of his siblings or even the reader notices. She takes him to one of her favorite flea markets under the guise of buying a new rug. And he ends up taking back an armchair, so old that the stuffing is coming out in places. But he makes do, the way he always has, he washes away the accumulated dust and dirt, he patches up the holes, and he places it next to his window. Where the street lamp shines just enough light to read by, even if it often flickers. He opens his book, written by an author he's never heard of before. The writing is a little clunky in places. But for now, he thinks, it's enough. (And maybe he'll read until morning. And maybe he'll realize, or maybe not: that the Jason Todd who used to spend hours in the Wayne Manor library, who had a favorite armchair by the fire, is still in there, somewhere. And perhaps, he'll think--or perhaps not--that the Joker hasn't killed everything that he used to be. Perhaps there's still a little bit of Robin left in him.)

#jason todd x reader #jason todd analysis #Jason finding a place to call him days at the morisaki bookshop style #moving into the second floor of a bookstore owned by a sweet old man #giving him the cozy vibes he deserves UGH #lowkey makes me want to write something about jason finally getting a place of his own #as someone who was stuck in a depressive pit for a long time and still struggle with it on occasion this ended up being highkey personal #rooting for you jay #THIS MAKES ME WANT TO WRITE A SHORT ABOUT JASON FINDING HIS OWN COZY PLACE IN THE WORLD #NO CASES #JUST COZY VIBES

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oliviajdjarin · 2 years

Text

Azriel Shadowsinger: Test Me

Pairing: Azriel x fem!reader

Summary: after centuries of disappointment, you have developed impenetrable defense mechanisms, until Azriel sees right through the cracks.

Warnings: reader is self-conscious, self-loathing, and “unworthy” of love. Her family is also dead. Crying, kissing, and Azriel gets in her face. Other than that, all comfort.

A/N: I think I have become an Azriel stan account at this point. Sorry about that. I hope you all enjoy :)

If you’d like to leave a like, comment, reblog, or ask, it would be much appreciated <3

SJM Masterlist

The pads of your fingertips rubbed your sleep-crusted eyes for what seemed like the thousandth time that night.

Realizing that you didn’t even know if it was night anymore, you blinked twice more and curved your spine just enough to peer out the grand window behind you. You hissed when the rising sun hit your eyes, and went back to rubbing them.

Ten hours.

You had been in this godsdamned library for ten hours.

The lengths you would go to pull another out of their mess never ceased to surprise you. Especially when it was Rhysand.

The High Lord had been a friend of yours for an unreasonable amount of years. You were financially comfortable, given your family’s copious inheritance after their passing, so you continuously offered to help Rhys out of the “goodness of your heart.”

He assumed it was pity, but he never passed on the offer.

Given how often you elected to help him, you had gotten to know his Inner Circle intimately, especially when the High Lady came along. The seven of you would share a meal as often as you could, and the laughs and stories that came out of them always kept you wanting more.

You enjoyed their company more than everything, but at the end of every night, you would return home to an empty bed. An empty house. An empty heart.

You could see how Feyre looked at Rhysand, and vice versa, and you couldn’t help but let your heart sink down into your stomach. You were beyond happy for them, but it made the left side of your bedsheets that much colder.

You could blame it on the death of your family. Or the questionable males who had fallen into your life. You could even blame it on your hectic schedule.

But you knew, deep down, it was you who pushed even the chance of a relationship away. You didn’t know if it was trust issues, or a fantasy of being completely unlovable, but you pushed them away. Every chance you got.

You rubbed your eyes some more, not wanting to fall down that stale and depressing train of thought, and reached for your third cup of warm coffee.

After picking it up, however, you realized that the cup was not only cold, but it was empty.

You exhaled through your nose, not wanting to move from your spot, when the wooden doors of the entrance suddenly creaked open ever so slightly. You waited for the footsteps to echo into the high ceilings, but you were only met with silence.

And that’s when you knew exactly who it was. You knew the unique sound of his silence, whether you liked it or not.

The blue of his leathers met your eyes first, making your eyes squint, and your lips lift into a curve.

The Shadowsinger had always managed to add a bit more life into you.

His hazel eyes met yours, and you closed your own and began massaging your temples when you saw what he was holding.

“Made this one a bit stronger,” he said, morning voice ever so present. “Figured it’d help your headaches.”

You had mentioned one time, one time, that nothing could cure a headache better than a warm cup of freshly brewed coffee, extra sugar. You didn’t know why you were so shocked he remembered, since paying attention is quite literally his job description, but he still remembered that small little detail like it wasn’t even hard.

You shook your head slightly and squeezed your eyes harder, and felt him slide into the chair next to you, as well as moving it a comfortable distance away from you. The weight of his sculpted body caused the wood to creak, and the smallest laugh left your nose.

He set the delicate mug onto the dark wood, clinking it into the other three.

The other three, also brought in by him.

He brought in the first as you were setting up your papers, saying that you’d need it for the long night ahead of you. He brought in the second around midnight, saying he was headed to bed for training early tomorrow. He brought in the third, saying it was hard for him to sleep knowing you were in here by yourself.

You elected to ignore that last part.

You opened his eyes and looked into his face, seeing shades of purple on his eyes similar to your own, and took the coffee with a click of your tongue.

You smelled it before taking a sip, and the tension in your body slowly rolled off of you.

“He fucks you over every time you do this, you know,” Azriel said, leaning back in his chair.

“I know.”

“Maybe you do pity him.”

You snorted. “I pity all three of you.” And he chuckled in response.

It was true, in a way. You knew how much they sacrificed for the safety of Velaris. Hel, you saw how much they sacrificed. Their bodies had been forged by it, and yet they still found a way to have a heart.

For as long as you’d known Rhysand, the stresses of his job had been one of the main things he talked to you about. He had always praised you on being a good listener, helping him with whatever advice you could come up with, and he never failed to thank you for it. He knew you didn’t want riches or power, so he thanked you in friendship. Family.

And that’s how you met Azriel.

From the moment your eyes met, you couldn’t shake away how similar he felt. How familiar.

Quiet, spoke when spoken to, and deathly observant.

A listener at heart, and willing to rip his own heart out of it meant that the ones belonging to the people he loved would beat.

You liked him. A lot. Not that you would ever admit that.

It took some time, but you slowly began to succumb to the draw you felt towards him. You would say something witty at a dinner, he would smile, and vice versa. You would elect to sit next to each other, rather than on opposite ends. You would give each other looks, knowing you were thinking about the same thing.

After a few nights of sharing stories about your childhood, he opened up more and more about his own stresses, and you saw a side of the Night Court’s Spymaster you never thought you would.

He was just as scared as everyone else.

You listened to him, as best you could, and when he looked to you to share your own, you elected to only ask him more questions.

You wanted to be a vault for him, not a book. You had never been that way.

The two of you have had many repeats of that night, and you considered him your friend. A close friend.

But that was it.

That was it.

After a beat of comfortable silence, you took another sip of your coffee.

“Thank you. For this,” you mumbled.

“You’re welcome,” he replied.

“I told you you didn’t have to.”

“And I told you that I wanted to.”

You shook your head again, and took another, long sip.

He watched you while you drank, rubbing his pointer finger and thumb together. He did that when he was thinking. Observing.

“You always do that, you know.”

“Do what?” you replied. Of course you knew what he meant.

“Whenever I do something nice for you. You can never just…accept it.”

You scoffed playfully, trying to avoid this conversation in any way possible, but he just kept looking at you. Like you were some sort of puzzle he was on the verge of piecing together.

A few moments passed, and you cleared your throat and set your still steaming coffee down.

“Well, thank you again for—“

“You did that at Solstice too. When we gave you our gifts—”

“Azriel, I need to get this done—”

“—and when Rhys planned your birthday dinner. You told him you didn’t want one. Insisted on it.”

You had never heard him talk this…passionately. His voice was usually soft, like a whisper.

As much as you wanted him to stop, you didn’t know if you’d hear his voice like this again.

He brought his left hand to his mouth, curling it around his jaw in thought, and you scoffed again.

“I think I’m doing it,” he whispered. “I’m figuring you out.”

“There’s nothing to ‘figure out,’ Azriel.”

He smiled when you said his name. He looked almost cat-like.

Shit.

He had you in his net. He knew that. And you knew that.

“I watch you you know,” he mumbled. “I like watching you.”

Had he moved in closer?

“Those nights talking on the balcony,” he said, tilting his head to the side, “I have never talked about myself more in my life.”

You hoped he hadn’t noticed. Nobody else ever did.

“How did you do that?” he asked. “Pushed me away without even trying?”

Your breaths turned shallow, and your glassy, tired eyes were giving their last pumps of energy to stay connected to his.

He wouldn’t see through you. He couldn’t.

“You do that at our dinners,” he continued, “all the time.”

You did. You always did.

“How long have you known Rhys? A couple centuries?” He tilted his head more to the side.

“How much about you does he actually know?”

You continued to meet his gaze, gnawing on the inside of your cheek so intensely it began to taste metallic.

He slowly stood, showing off the full magnitude of his tight leathers and chiseled physique. It never seized to amaze you.

These males were machines.

He took steps forward as he continued speaking, and your breath quickened as he went on.

“Is that what you do?” he asked softly. “Push people away when they finally start getting close to you? Give them excuses to leave? To get out while they can? It hurts less that was, doesn’t it?”

You didn’t know if it was the copious amounts of caffeine in your system or the exhaustion, but a film began to coat the outer layer of your eyes.

“You test them, don’t you? To see if they’ll stay.”

Of course you did.

Centuries of being disappointed, let down, and left behind. Whether it was friendship or something more, they never stayed. Ever. You had yet to be proven wrong about a person’s intentions of longevity.

Your guards were insurmountable. Unmovable.

But, for the first time in years, they were beginning to waver.

“No one has passed them before, have they?”

You sniffled, tears clouding your vision.

You were done

“You are being cruel.”

Your statement obviously stunned him, enough for him to freeze his motions for a second or two, before he continued.

“I’m being honest,” he said in a much softer tone. “I see you Y/N.”

He finally made it in front of you, and turned your chair around to face him completely. He placed his hands on the arms of your chair, leaning forward.

“I see you.”

He placed his right hand on your chin delicately, having you look up into his hazel, golden-ringed eyes. Your throat was on fire, and a single tear dribbled down your cheek.

“Y/N,” he whispered, close enough that his breath cascaded down your hot cheeks. He wiped away the tear with his thumb.

“Test me. Test me all you want. Because I’ll pass every single one.”

You felt your walls fall down, and down, and down.

“You won’t win,” he continued. “Those little voices inside your head won’t win, because I’m not leaving.”

You released a quiet sob. Not of pain, but of the utmost relief.

He rubbed his fingers against your jawline, doing his best to comfort you.

You needed to hear this.

You cried softly into his hand, and he brought the other one up to frame your face.

“Y/N,” he mumbled, and kissed your forehead. It was so light you barely felt it.

“I’m not afraid of you.”

Those words brought down the final wall, and centuries of tension were finally set free.

He felt you begin to crumble, so he brought you into his chest, letting you grab onto his leathers as you cried. He held you delicately, but firm enough to keep you upright. Your tears dripped down his waterproof leathers, coating the blue designs.

He rubbed your back, and pressed his nose against your neck whispering over and over.

“I’m not afraid. I’m not afraid. I’m not afraid.”

“No one’s ever stayed. No one who I’ve let in has—has ever stayed,” you cried. You could barely catch your breath.

“I know Y/N. Trust me baby, I know.”

He kept you against him for some time, long enough for the exhaustion of the last twenty four hours to settle in, and you finally pushed away from his warmth to look into his eyes.

Tears of his own streaked down his cheeks, but the rising sun was high enough to make his tan skin that much more inviting.

You didn’t know how such a beautiful male had fallen into your lap.

You sniffled once more and wet your lips with your tongue before whispering, “I see you too, and I know you have tests of your own. I will beat them.”

He smiled at you, genuinely, before replying, “You already have.”

A few more tears escaped you. Tears of pure joy. You had forgotten what that felt like.

He opened his mouth as if he was about to say something, but you didn’t want to hear any more. You wanted to feel him. That’s all you wanted.

So you pressed a chaste kiss against his lips, so quick he didn’t even have time to close his eyes, but a faint blush crept up his neck.

You exhaled a laugh, and he smiled wider than you had ever seen.

“Come here,” he laughed, and pulled you in for a deeper kiss.

You had kissed plenty of males, enough for you to know what you were doing, but you had never kissed anyone who made your heart beat so fast.

He kept his hands on your face, tilting your head back to kiss you deeper and deeper, and your hands fell flat on his chest. You were still seated with him standing above you, but he was crouched low enough for his tongue to brush against your own.

It felt good, to finally give in. You felt liquified, as if you could slip through his fingers.

After a few moments, he brought his hands down your body, and rested them underneath your thighs. He gave them a firm squeeze, and groaned into your mouth.

At that moment, something wiggled inside your chest, like a loose end threatening to snap. It was the most foreign feeling you had ever felt, but it also felt right.

Azriel began breathing harder, and pressing you back into the chair. You didn’t know if he felt what you were feeling, but his heart-rate against your palm said otherwise.

After a few more glorious seconds, Azriel pressed the firmest kiss against your mouth before pulling away, and rubbing his nose against your own.

“You’re exhausted. I know you are.” He was breathless. Utterly breathless. His pants framed your face, and his chest moved up and down against your hands.

“You’re exhausted,” you countered. “Did you sleep at all last night?”

He smirked, and you ran a hand through his thick brown hair, shaking your head. There was a remnant of sweat, either from his morning training, or your kisses had gotten him that worked up.

You pressed a kiss to his cheek, and he closed his eyes. Savoring it.

“Thank you Azriel.”

He smiled toothlessly. “You’re welcome.”

And that was it. You accepted it.

You could see the pride on his face already.

His eyes ran over your sunken cheeks and under eyes, and wrapped his arms around your waist.

“Az—”

He lifted you, and held you in his arms bridal style.

“You’re done,” he replied. “Rhys can take it up with me.”

You smiled at him, and tucked your head further into his chest.

Your eyes were beginning to close, so much so that you didn’t even notice he passed your room, and began turning towards his own.

“Sleep Y/N,” he whispered, laying you down in the sheets. The smell of him surrounding you was the final piece to send you into bliss.

“I’ve got you.”

You slept harder than you had in centuries.

Tag list: (I apologize if your tag is not showing or not working. If you’d like to be added, please let me know :))

@leahkenobi @notquitehero @lovelyladymayyy @seraphqueen123 @em---r @azaideen @katiebellf @llovelydove @tinasbookishlife @sayhitomommy @wickedazriel @xxpeachyxo @icarusave @forever-paramore28 @peachyxlynch @evlynclia @feyretopia @wingedmiken @moonslattes @hollyismentallyillhelp @esposadomd @red-highlady @bsenpai-blog @buttercake2234 @perssepeony @whor-3-crux @avengerswhre @mystic-scripture @wolfyland07 @are-y0u-sirius @hilism @tooobsessedsstuff @simplysensually @hernameispia @ladylizzieofdarbyshire @i-am-fascinated

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ugh-yoongi · 8 months

Note

HOBI REQUESTS YAY! okay so at first i was thinking it might be hobi's birthday and he stays late at the studio regardless of the day and comes home to reader all tired and drained, but then reader has such a sweet surprise for him when he gets there (whether it be a cake, flowers, balloons, etc.) and it just seems like he can breathe again without the weight of his work on his chest, even if it's just for that night, he can fall asleep with no problem.

OR, considering it's in the name of jess' birthday, it could be reversed? reader's birthday and hobi has the sweet surprise instead? i don't have an idea of what specifically would be demanding so much of reader's attention, but coming home to hobi with his pretty smile on such a day seems like something so beautiful.

that's all i could muster up as of now, 🙃 if you chose to, feel free to play around with it until it's something you are comfortable with! <3

thank you so much for the request! i went with the first one and i hope you enjoy it! <3

(side note: i banged this out in one sitting so i'm tentatively optimistic that my writer's block is cured. we'll see. thank you all for your patience and not showing up in my ask box with pitchforks.)

ataraxia

pairing: hoseok x reader genre: est. relationship au; fluff, a tiny bit of angst warnings: hobi's kind of going through it so there are allusions to poor mental health, otherwise this is mostly fluff. just being there for your person when they're having a tough time. no gendered pronouns used. unedited. rating: e for everyone wordcount: 1k listen to: novo amor - anchor

Hoseok had heard once that babies born in the winter are stronger.

Something about mothers being able to absorb more vitamin D during the summer months.

As he collapses onto the floor of his studio, sweat and exhaustion blurring his vision, he thinks those people are full of shit. What has being born in winter gotten him besides muscle cramps and seasonal depression? Because he’s also at a higher risk for that, which those people lauding his athleticism tend to leave off of the discussion.

He sighs. He’s twenty-nine now, and there’s something truly haunting about the inevitability of time. Can’t slow it down, can’t make it go faster; he just has to sit here and take it. Next year he’ll be thirty, thirty-one the year after that, and on and on it’ll go for the rest of his life.

All he has are these little joys: the squeak of his new sneakers on the studio floor, the kids in his class finally nailing their routine, those peach iced teas he likes being buy one get one free this week at the convenience store next door. He has you, too, but you were smart and traded in your two-cent dreams for the corporate world and now you’re spending his birthday on a business trip to Singapore.

Yoongi would call him an asshole for that, probably. He has friends. Friends who want to see him, buy him a drink and give him gifts, and he appreciates the effort, he does, he’s just… tired. Fatigue has seeped into all of his bones and left him nothing more than a husk of a person. It’s been months of this same unending grind, and he’s running out of self to give.

At least Singapore is warm this time of year. In Seoul, beyond the frosted windows of his studio, there’s nothing but gray-brown slush and a patch of black ice he can’t melt no matter how much he salts it.

“Fuck this,” he mutters.

It’s nearing nine o’clock. He needs to get home; needs to eat something and drag himself into a hot shower before he crawls into bed and spends the entire weekend there. Needs to reply to all the texts on his phone wishing him a happy birthday. Needs to tactfully and politely turn down all the invitations. Needs to post some bubbly, colorful message on social media thanking everyone for the well-wishes and attach a photo from a few weeks ago because he hasn’t been smiling much lately.

First, though, he needs to get off the floor.

He usually likes his walk home. Likes pressing his face to the glass to look at all the window displays when he’s not in the mood to shop. Likes seeing other people go about their days, live their lives. Likes looking at all the ways the city reflects sunlight and fades to husky gold. Likes walking under the cherry blossoms in the spring; likes it even more when a few petals stick to his shoulders and you laugh and brush them off as soon as he comes through the door.

It’s hard to get off the floor when none of that is out there.

But he does it anyway, because maybe he has a bit of that winter strength. He packs up his stuff and sits at the bus stop, counts his exhales as they materialize in front of him, thankful for the heavy coat you’d bought for him a few years ago, now well-worn and no longer itchy. He sits at the back by himself and sends half-assed replies to all of those texts. Scrolls back to stare at the photo you’d sent him this morning—fresh from sleep and barefaced, lips pursed together in a kiss, thumb and pointer fingers together in a heart.

Slush sticks to his shoes as he ducks inside the building. Nearly trips climbing up the stairs, because the two of you live on the fourth floor and it feels too lazy to take the elevator, even when his muscles are screaming from a long day at the dance studio. But it keeps him moving. Keeps him upright and functional when all he wants to do is rot away.

His shoes are dry by the time he reaches the door, soaked into the carpet lining the hallway. His hands still bear the cold—red and unsteady, it takes him a few tries to punch in the code. Gets it wrong twice, and he takes a second to just… stand there, head resting against the door, feeling the weight of the world come down on him.

He’s not sure what he thought twenty-nine would be like, but surely it wasn’t this.

And maybe if he wasn’t feeling so low, he would’ve noticed. Your keys in the bowl by the door, your shoes in the rack. The light on in the kitchen. The smell of the miyeokguk simmering on the stove. The sound of your footsteps as you meet him where he stands, shoulders slumped, eyes brimming with tears and exhaustion.

“Hob-ah?”

There are hands on his face. Soft, he thinks. They’re touching him so softly, treating him just as delicately as he feels. He leans into it; recognizes the perfume stuck to the wrist. Knows it smells like home and an aching he can never seem to put a name to, and you don’t hesitate to wrap him tightly in your arms.

“You’re not supposed to be here,” he says, words waterlogged and hesitant as he speaks them into the crook of your neck. Nothing feels real, and he doesn’t trust himself to open his eyes.

You tangle your hands in his hair. Scratch lightly against his scalp. “I got an early flight home. Got back this afternoon.” This is where someone else would ask if he’s okay, try to pry apart his ribcage and look at all the ugly parts, but you don’t. There’s just a small intake of breath and the reluctance to let him go. “The miyeokguk is almost ready,” you say instead. “Do you want to take a shower while I get everything ready?”

Hoseok is reluctant to let go, too, but he’s at his best when he has a task. Needs something to accomplish, something to check off on his imaginary to-do list, so he nods. Pulls away and immediately misses your warmth. Takes your face in his hands and presses a kiss to your forehead. Thank you, it says. I needed you here.

You already know, though. You always do.

#hoseok x reader #jhope x reader #hoseok x you #jhope x you #hoseok x y/n #jhope x y/n #hoseok imagine #jhope imagine #hoseok fanfic #jhope fanfic #hoseok fluff #hoseok au #bts imagines #bts x reader #bts x y/n #bts fanfic #fic: jess drabbles #jewel answers #jewel writes

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studentinpursuitofclouds · 1 year

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Just saw this thing from another fandom I follow thought it might be interesting for SDV 👀

Bachelors/Bachelorette (up to you which one and how many!) pining, courting or flirting? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

*not sure SDV comes from what era lol but maybe they have their own modern courting???*

Let's go crazy and do all bachelors/bachelorettes, shall we, dear anon? ;)

SDV bachelors:

Step aside everyone, a professional in his field enters the stage! After all, Alex is not only a (not yet recognized) master of sports, but also a master of flirting. It's enough for him to flex his biceps, shower with compliments and courtship - and all the girls (and not only) will be his! Although despite all this pathos, he is very careful in choosing a partner, because he is still a gentle and kind guy and wants a serious relationship.

Ordering a pizza at the Saloon for two, a skateboard trick show, gift chocolates or other small treats - Sam does a pretty good job of courting. He is too cheerful to pinning, and with flirting he, unfortunately, weaves in the middle of a sentence and something incomprehensible and funny comes out. On the other hand, bad flirting can make a partner laugh, and they will open their heart to the young prankster, so you could say that Sam can sometimes flirt well (although not aware of it).

Pinning for Sebastian. It's... quite difficult for him to express his own emotions, and sometimes he doesn't consider himself capable of such a thing. Sometimes you can notice his sad look if a person passes by who is not indifferent to him. Here, either the Farmer must be the first to confess their feelings to him, or Sam and Abby help their emo friend.

Hell, that's pretty hard to tell with Elliott, because I think he can be both courting and flirting. Just look at this red-haired gallant man - he seems to have come out of a book about a love story! A hopeless romantic who, despite his impressive ability to make the perfect compliment, can blush himself if you flirt back with him.

Oh my poor chicken man, sitting somewhere in the corner and pinning. No, I can say for sure that Shane can confidently flirt and court. But it seems to me that this will only happen if he is already dating the Farmer. His therapy is going slowly but surely, but for now, low self-esteem and the idea that "there will still be someone better than him" does not allow him to discover his hidden potential to be a romantic.

How to flirt? Date, flowers? Is there a guide for beginners? Harvey can cure your cold or diarrhea, but he's not very good at flirting. Although the courting is quite tolerable and even romantic, but only if the poor doctor stops being nervous and afraid that something will go wrong with the courtship.

SDV bachelorettes:

I think it's pretty obvious that Penny is pinning. She is a very shy and modest girl who won't take the first step in admitting her feelings for anyone. Dreamy, in love, but at the same time insecure and fearful. One thought of rejection or an awkward situation (or worse, a misunderstanding that could turn into a loss of friendship) drives a young teacher into depression.

Haley, due to her popularity, learned about flirting everything. All her fans gave her gifts and followed her, making the slightly spoiled girl the center of all attention. Of course, this was still in school, but something Haley had left from the arsenal to bestow a compliment on someone who is dear to her heart. And if in earlier years Haley did it for the sake of attention out of self-interest, now the compliment from the girl is sincere.

Courting AND flirting because Abigail is capable of so much. So much energy boils in the girl that she will often call the Farmer to hang out in the mines, in search of adventure. Nothing extreme, of course, but Abby will often flirt, compliment them while fighting monsters, and also give them gifts in the form of a found beautiful gem.

Surprisingly, Emily is very adept at courting someone. And every time she has new and unusual ideas in courtship - she is a bright and colorful person, which means courtship will be the same.

Leah is a very confident woman, and she is quite adept at flirting. The artist does not hesitate to give a couple of pleasant compliments to the interlocutor of interest, but don't think that she is frivolous in this. If Leah praises someone, it means there is something for it, and this person is really dear to her.

With Maru, I'm a little undecided. It seems to me that she is not very capable of flirting and courtship. But at the same time, pinning also doesn't fit her character. Young and energetic - she just doesn't have time to yearn for the Farmer. And yet, when the ideas for new inventions ran out and a small creative crisis began, Maru sometimes begins to have bouts of melancholy, smoothly turning into daydreaming about a possible partner.

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takusan-no-ai · 1 year

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Memory Loss

PAIRING: Freya x Male Reader, Kratos/Heimdall/Thor/Baldur x Female Reader (Romantic) (Separate)

SUMMARY: A jealous rival curses their lover, (Y/N), with memory loss.

As the goddess of Beauty, Freya is admired by many men. However, you were the one that stole her heart. She’d never met a man like you before, and you were a major upgrade from Odin.

You were everything she could hope for: kind, dependable, and most of all, loving. You always tried to help her and Baldur mend their relationship; you even spent whole days with Baldur to try and earn his respect.

And even when Kratos and Atreus killed her son, you stuck with her every step of the way. You didn’t stop her from getting revenge, but you did consult with her about how it hurt you to see her so depressed. Freya could go on and on about how much you complete her.

That was until the curse. A man who Freya had already rejected centuries ago still wouldn’t let up. He sent her all kinds of gifts. But when he found out that Freya was not only in love with, but also marrying you, he flipped.

Sending her sacks full of mistletoe as a way to hurt her. Defacing her house with blood. Even destroying the wildlife and animals. It got so bad that Freyr had to knock some sense into the guy, banishing him away from Vanaheim.

Freya didn’t tell you. She feared you’d run away, wether in a noble pursuit to protect her or out of fear, she didn’t care. She’s a powerful goddess, so she assumed if anything serious did happen, she could just fix it. Freya never suspected that man would curse you with memory loss.

She attacked him the moment she found out, threatening him to tell her the cure. He didn’t though, determined to hurt her husband. She keeps him as a prisoner, torturing him until he tells her how to fix you. As for you, Freya just tries to start over with you.

She’ll tell you that you’re both married, and that you’ve lost your memory. She has a hard time adjusting to treating you less like a lover and more like a friend for your own comfort. Either way, Freya will stay with you so long as you’re still capable of loving her again.

Kratos adores you. After Faye died, he wasn’t sure if he would ever love again. The sheer amount of people that hate him far outweigh the ones that don’t.

Kratos also didn’t want to push a new woman into Atreus’ life; the boy loves his mother and Kratos doesn’t want Atreus to think he’s replacing her.

Luckily, Atreus grows attached to you as well. He doesn’t quite see you as a new mother, but he welcomed you in with open arms. All was well, and Kratos had met someone else who didn’t see him as a monster.

It truly touched his heart to know that there are people out there who can like him. He didn’t expect for another woman to admire him though. By the time the two of you were married, some lady had started to stalk Kratos.

At first he could only feel eyes on him. But after a while he began to see a shadowy figure in the distance, and it looked to be a woman. He would sometimes see her looking at you or sneaking up to Atreus, and every time it only made Kratos more paranoid.

When the woman does curse you with memory loss, Kratos loses it. He has tried to hold back his rage for so long, but seeing a loved one of his get hurt so badly broke him.

He kills the woman in a fit of rage. And while he does regret not being able to control himself after the fact, he doesn’t regret killing her. Kratos will seek help from his friends to find a cure for your memory loss.

As for you, Kratos just tries to make you feel comfortable and happy. He debates wether he should tell you that you’re married to him, worried you might not believe him and run off. He will always love you though, and refuses to give up on you.

Heimdall values you as much as he values his position in Asgard, likely even more than that. Some even say that Heimdall likes you more than Odin himself. Heimdall denies this; not because it isn’t true, but because he doesn’t want Odin to find out.

Everyone would goad him about it. They all knew to not mess with you though. To Heimdall, you’re literally perfect, even if you’re covered head to toe in mud. If anyone ever thought of hurting his wife, they’d be dead.

You’re the only woman that has ever managed to stand his attitude and give it back enough to shock him. Most would either cower away or just try to fight him, inevitably losing to his foresight.

There was one woman that had an obsession with Heimdall. She just wouldn’t relent. No matter how cruel, indifferent, or just out right violent he was , she’d follow him. Heimdall couldn’t stand it, he didn’t want you to think he was letting this woman fawn over him.

She attacked you the moment Heimdall wasn’t there. Odin had sent him away on a errand and you were alone with the woman stalking you. She casted her curse of memory loss and when Heimdall returned, he was furious.

He found her easily and looked into her mind, trying to find the cure. He did find out what it was, however he had no idea where to find it nor how far it was. He tried to interrogate the woman, but to no avail; Heimdall killed her since she served no purpose anymore.

If Baldur is still alive then Heimdall will send him out to find the cure and bring it back. If not, then he’ll just send out a Valkyrie to find it. Heimdall won’t be the same until you’re back to normal.

Until you’re cured, Heimdall will spend most of his time reintroducing everything to you. He doesn’t rush back into a relationship with you and focuses on becoming close again to you.

Thor isn’t very well liked. The people that do like him either only use him or don’t know him well enough. He expected nothing else from you; Thor thought you’d be just like all the others.

And, naturally, you actually hated him at first. You told him right to his face everything about him that disgusted you. Thor was pissed off about you.

When he found out that Odin kept you around since you’re one of the most beautiful woman in all of Midgard, he felt hurt. It was like he was being controlled again.

He couldn’t even defend his own honor because of the All-Father. Color Thor surprised when you begin to be nice to him. He doesn’t trust you first, believing you’re just looking to use him.

When it turns out that your change in attitude is from seeing his relationship with his father, he felt a little seen. As the years went by Thor had trusted you more and even fell in love with you. The two of you married and you got along as good as one can with his family.

However, there was another woman. She’d been in love even back when he was with his first wife. But Thor always avoided her, going as far as killing her family just to send the message. Clearly it wasn’t enough because the woman cursed you.

Everyone thought you and Thor had divorced, confused as to why his wife was acting like she didn’t know him. Only the children of Odin, and Thor’s family, knew of your memory loss from the curse. Thor couldn’t even interrogate the woman for a cure because he killed her with a bolt of thunder.

He has his family searching for a cure, Odin only helping because he can’t use Thor if he’s all focused on you getting better. While they’re searching for a cure, you’ll be well taken cared of by Thor until you’re okay again.

Baldur has grown to know and love you over the years, trusting you with every fiber of his being. You never once gave up on him, and despite his curse, you never stopped loving him.

When you became his wife Baldur made an oath to forever and always love and protect you. He’d do anything for you, and he has been practicing to become a better person.

He’s working on his relationship with his mother, now being on talking terms at least. And he’s made a truce with Kratos. This was all obviously much to Odin’s dismay.

Now that Baldur has you he doesn’t feel the need to work under his father anymore. He’s always known that he was being used, but a small part of him has always had the hope that he’d feel again. Now that Baldur has you, he doesn’t care to be so obsessive with his curse anymore.

But another woman, someone who fell in love with Baldur after a night together far back, was furious. She wanted to be his wife! So she plotted to curse you with the help of a monster; that monster being Odin. Of course, the woman would take all the blame.

Baldur beat her to a pulp until she told him what the cure was. And he killed her afterwards in the mist of a blind rage. He never wanted this for you, his soulmate.

Baldur made it his mission to set out for however long until he could find you a cure. And he will. After all, he’s all of Asgard’s best tracker.

He leaves you with Kratos and the man’s family, making sure you’re in safe hands until he can fix you.

- Fin

#god of war x reader #headcanon #female reader #male reader #freya #freya x reader #kratos x reader #kratos #heimdall x reader #heimdall #thor x reader #thor #baldur x reader #baldur

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bethaven · 8 months

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"Love can't cure a mental illness"

I think that when I was younger I had this picture in my head that if you only got into a relationship, everything else would be fine. If you had that someone special to share your life with, you'd never be depressed, angsty or worried. Maybe, because in most movies and tv-series people get toghether and live happily ever efter and that's it.

I remember feeling guilty when I first contacted my local health center to get help with my mental health. What did I even have to complain about? I lived a good, priveliged life with a person I loved and still love. But that hadn't magically solved all my other problems, which actually was a difficult realization to have. I also didn't tell my boyfriend about meeting with a counselor until after a few weeks. I didn't want him to worry, and I didn't want to annoy or burden him. But I'm better att that now, and Nick's and Charlie's deep talk in S2E8 always remind me about that communicating your mental health to your partner is always important - even though they can only respond with a hug. And you always should seek professional help if you need to.

#heartstopper #alice oseman #charlie spring #joe locke #nick nelson #kit connor #mental health #love #nick x charlie

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pinkxlicious · 1 year

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Loveless P.2

Tom Riddle

Doesn't follow timeline, Part 3??

Warnings: Toxic relationship, cursing, angst, bittersweetish

Word count: 2162

'''

You did not, in fact, go back.

To your surprise you kept your promise and blocked Tom from your mind, for all you knew he was dead. It took a lot to not go back to him, but after that night you knew you had enough of his neglect. You decided to start off fresh and move out into the city. You went back to school and you were working towards a major in charms, you planned on becoming the new charms professor at Hogwarts. The headmaster had personally reached out to you after he heard the word that you were back in school.

You had also came in contact with a few of your best friends from Hogwarts. Overall you had been doing pretty well. You were living in a small one bedroom apartment with a golden retriever, Daisy. You recently bought Daisy to cure your boredom and loneliness since living alone in the city could get quite depressing. Life was good.

Until the day you heard a knock on your door, and something was telling you that something was very wrong. You had considered not opening the door but you felt drawn to whatever was behind that door. You turned the nob and nearly fell when you saw who was behind the door.

It was Tom. Looking just as handsome and majestic as before. But something was different, he seemed... you couldn't put your finger on it. But something was different, not in a bad way, but something was different from the last time you saw him. Maybe it was the fact that he wasn't mad like the last time you saw him. Or maybe it was because it's been forever since the last time you saw him.

Tom seemed to be awestruck by you, he nearly dropped the bouquet of red roses in hands. He let out a shaky breath as he took you in. Even after everything, you still unknowingly looked at him with the same eyes. The same eyes when he kissed you on your wedding day, and the same eyes that would greet him everyday after work. He missed it, he missed you. He felt guilty, and he hated it. He knew you would never take him back, but he just needed closure.

Tom had found a new outlook on life on his own and he felt as if he really has changed. After you left he wholeheartedly believed that you would be back. But you never came home. You had took everything and the only thing that was left of you was the small gold framed photo of the wedding. He kept it close to him and kept the photo right on his nightstand and he would reminisce every night. He would curse himself constantly for letting you go so easily, and treating you like that.

"What are you doing here Tom," You said coldly, hoping no weakness was showing through your voice. "Who told you where I am."

"I asked around. But listen, I'm not here to convince you to get back with me," Tom said, almost cringing at the confrontation. He still wasn't used to confrontation and apologies. "I just wanted to say sorry, and that I have changed."

"Is this just another one of your manipulation antics, making me believe all that and then you snatch me up right when I'm vulnerable again," You said, your nostrils flared with rage at the thought of giving into him. "I don't know who you think I am, but I am no longer associated with you and I would like to keep it that way. I am no longer naive and I am very very conscious to the fact that you cheated one me and neglected me everyday of our marriage."

"Yes, I know that. I knew that when you didn't come back. But I swear to Merlin that I have changed and I need to apologize to you. I can't live with myself knowing that I didn't even try to make it up to you. That is why I'm here." Tom confessed, he quickly handed you the flowers and shoved his hands into his pockets so you wouldn't attempt to give it back to him. You dropped the flowers on the ground and shoved your hands into your pocket, mimicking his face.

Tom almost laughed, it reminded him so much of his days with you at Hogwarts.

"I'm in therapy now," Tom quickly confessed as you squinted at him, "I wish I had gone sooner, when you first told me to. I know you know that I had a rough childhood and I should've listened to you."

"Is that really it?" You scoffed, "Honestly, Tom, I'm really happy for you, I swear by it. I'm happy that you're not a shit stubborn bitch anymore. I'm happy that you are changing for the better and that you are finding yourself. And I know that I can't change the past, but I really wish you have done this earlier. I wish you loved me enough to change. It's the fact that the only reason why you changed was because I left, not because I was hurting while I was with you."

Tom inhales sharply, he thought that you would at least accept the apology then leave. That was the closure he wanted, and some part of him wanted you to forgive him entirely and kiss him, just like every time he fucked up during your relationship.

"I know, and I'm KNOW I am not good at apologies, but I need you to know that I have changed and I regret everything. I think about it every night, it haunts me-"

"You know what haunts me? Wasting away my life with a man who wanted nothing to do with me the moment I gave myself to him. I regret not realizing that you never loved me, I regret ignoring the red flags. I regret not seeing that you only wanted me in your possession, you didn't want me so you could love me, you never did," Tears whelmed you eyes, just like the last time you fought with him. You hated how he had this effect on you, he hated how he made you feel.

Tom noticed for the first time in your life, he noticed the effect he had on you. He noticed your furrowed brows in frustration and he noticed the tears in your eyes. He noticed your hardened jaw, and your balled up fists. He noticed how you were tense and still as you struggled to keep yourself together.

"You know what I really hate, Tom?" You asked,

"What is it, darling," he softly, you winced, hearing the name he would always call you. Memories flooded your brain as your tears flooded your face.

"I really hate how you decided to show up now. I really hate how you decided to show up when I'm doing well. You really fucking ruined my day. Tom," You cried harder with each word, you woke up Daisy. She wobbled to the door and jumped on Tom, licking his arm.

"I know, I'm sorry," Tom eyed your dog, "Um, I see you got a dog."

"Shut up, Tom you're not helping," You said as you wiping your eyes with frustration. Tom stepped closer to you and held your face with his hand.

"I know that I hurt you, I'm sorry for everything I caused. I hope one day we can make peace,"

"I've BEEN wanting to make peace with you, but you would always disappear off to Lestrange's house or something," You sobbed as your walls fell down, all the pain you've blocked out from the past year flooded your senses. "I hate how you were willing to give the better version of yourself to her. I hate how I have to hurt and I hate how I can't take you back, I hate how I want to love you again. But I can't because you've done too much to me."

Tom felt empathy for the first time in his life. He left a sharp pain in his chest, he felt genuine sadness seep through his body. He felt something in his heart, it felt heavy. And he cried for the first time in his life.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I really am sorry," Tom said with confusion printed on his face and tears fell from his eyes, his voice shook."I don't know whats happening."

"You're healing, Tom. You can feel," You whispered, you felt happy for him, you really did. "I just wish this happened sooner, I wish you had done this sooner so I could love you again."

"I still love you,"

"Don't say that, please, please, don't say that." You cried harder than you ever had before,

"But I do, I don't know what I was thinking, but I never loved Lestrange. I am more than willing to give myself to you. I want to love you now that I can. I want to love you like I should've. I want to love you, I want you. I want you so bad and I wish you could love me too," Tom confessed as he struggled to keep his composure, "I don't understand how I could give you up."

"But you did. You let me leave, Tom. You let it happen. I want you too but I don't know if I can do this again. I am hurt, I don't want to disappoint you,"

"Do you want me to leave," Tom asked,

"I don't know, I want you to stay but I don't want to love you anymore,"

Tom's heart shattered at your words, but he knew he deserved it. He smiled softly as more tears whelmed his eyes.

"You don't have to, I hope the universe decides to let us meet again. I hope one day I can have you again. I hate myself for putting you through so much. But I promise you that if we meet again, I will love you like you deserve. You have me, but I don't have you," You shuddered at his words and put your hand on his hand, which still remained on your cheek.

"Would it be too much to ask if I could kiss you one last time?" You asked, Tom nodded eagerly,

"This time I will kiss you how I wish I kissed you before. I wish all the times before, I kissed you like it was the last time I would ever kiss you. This time it really is our last kiss, and I wish it wasn't," he whispered as he leaned in.

His lips felt different than before, they felt lighter and more cautious than before. He then suddenly kissed you hard, you gasped before reciprocating. You kissed him, channeling your pain, sadness, agony, and anger. You cried as you kissed him, your tears mixed with his. You didn't want to ever let go of him. Tom moved his hand to your waist and his other remained on your cheek. You tangled your fingers into his hair and your other caressed his chest. You wish you didn't need oxygen so you could kiss him until the sun set, and until the world ended. You felt Tom sob into your lips and you just held him closer until you couldn't.

You were the first to pull away, gasping for air as Tom held you close, so close you could barely breathe. But you wouldn't have it any other way.

"I wish I wasn't so cruel," Tom whispered into the crook of your neck, "I wish I was kind."

"I wish that too, but you are becoming kinder day by day. I hope you feel more sympathy for those that you hurt. And I hope you heal one day. When you do, come back to find me so I can love you again," You buried your face into his chest as your heart broke for him all over again. You smelled his sweet scent and tried to memorize it. You reminded yourself of every detail of him so you could search for him. You wished you could love him now, but you knew it was too early in his healing process to do so. You wanted to love him when he was better and healed. So you could love him the best, and he could love you the best.

"I will always remember your kindness for me, and I will always love you. I will be better for you, I will heal for you. I will always remember how you were there for me, and I will always remember how you stayed by my side no matter what. And I'm sorry that I betrayed your trust,"

"I know," You gripped onto his shirt as if he could disappear at any moment. "I hate how you make me feel. I hate how you can do this to me."

"I'm sorry, I hate it too. I don't like seeing you like this," Tom whispered before kissing her forehead.

"Just remember to find me again,"

And after that, after much reluctance, the two parted ways.

#angst #bittersweet #hufflepuff #slytherin #hogwarts #tomriddle #tom riddle x reader #tom riddle x y/n #tom riddle x you #harry potter #xreader #sad #fluff?#gryfindor #ravenclaw #oneshots #harrypotter #slytherpuff

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fantasy-mixtapes · 1 month

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❄️ Lucy Frostblade ❄️

Fantasy High Junior-Year Mini-Playlist

It's blizzarding where I am, so I've decided it's the perfect time to post my first Fantasy High NPC playlist. Lucy has been captivating my little theorist mind for weeks now, and God, I have so many feelings about her. A lot of the situations that I have this playlist highlighting are very much headcanons/theories about who she was, her relationships, and the events leading up to her death. (also, they are all winter-themed. None of them are explicitly "holiday," but one is holiday adjacent, as it comes from Sufjan Steven's holiday album and is inspired by Christmas, though it is instrumental)

Genres: Alternative, Folk, Instrumental

Vibes: Moody, Introspective, Spiraling, Winter

SPOILERS AND THEORIES BELOW

1. Winter is Blue, Vashti Bunyan

Winter is blue Living is gone Some are just sleeping In spring, they'll go on Our love is dead Nothing but crying Love will not find even One more new morning Why must I stay here Rain comes I'm sitting here Watching love moving Away into yesterday

Vashti Bunyan is a name in folk that you need to know. She's 79, and she's still writing amazingly gorgeous music. This one comes from my personal winter solstice mix that I've had since high school, so every year when wintertime rolls around, this song is always one that I am vibing to. I think the way it gets at this really soft sadness is perfect for lucy and how she worked with her goddess.

2. If Winter Ends, Bright Eyes

I dreamt of a fever one that would cure me of this cold, winter-set heart With heat to melt these frozen tears burned with reasons as to carry on Into these twisted months I plunge without a light to follow But I swear that I would follow anything Just get me out of here

Ok, this ties into a theory I have. We were only told a few things about Lucy in her introduction but one of the things that was reiterated several times by Brennan as Yolanda Badgood was that she was deeply sad/depressed. And part of that comes with the territory of her god, Ruvina, whose domain includes sadness, coldness, and winter.

Lucy, before her death, tries to switch her god (whether of her own volition or not) to Ankarna. Ankarna, as we found out, is a sibling of Ruvina and a Summer god, which might also put them originally as a god of joy and warmth- acting as a foil to Ruvina's sadness. So maybe part of the motivation that Lucy had to switch gods was to find something that could bring her out of her depression.

What confirms this to me is that in the d20 mid-season recap, after they show Kristen talking with Yolanda about Lucy, they end it with a clip of Ally as Kristen."Was it to something more positive?"

3. Winter Wonderland, Animal Collective

Mold of the fawn I have been frozen there for days With headlights reflecting in my face I must be cold on your lawn But inside I'm okay I can live without your time Where snowmen never melt Instead, they all went shy And if you don't believe in fantasy Then don't believe in fantasy Do you not believe in fantasy because it gets you down? If you don't believe it's raining I won't tell you that it's raining Do you not believe it's raining just because it gets you down? And if you don't believe in happiness Then don't believe in happiness If you don't believe in happiness then man you must be down If you don't believe you're dying I won't tell you that you're dying But do you not believe you're dying just because it gets you down?

You can find my thoughts on this song here!

4. The Incarnation, Sufjan Stevens

(instrumental)

This song I picture playing under the miracle Kristen performs, releasing the souls of Lucy and Yolanda in the forest. It is truly gorgeous, and I think the reverence and mystery in it is perfect for a miracle of doubt

#dimension 20 #fantasy high #fantasy high junior year #d20 #spotify #fhjy spoilers #fantasy mixtapes #lucy frostblade #d20 lucy #Spotify

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thepalmofyourfreezinghand · 11 months

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tbh you're losing me just made me feel sorry for both but also very empathetic toward joe. and this is coming from someone whose last relationship ended a lot like this and someone who was taylor in that relationship. back then i was just so hurt but over time i learned i also played a part in it ending and did things i shouldn't have. it sucks but truth is that they just weren't suited for each other anymore. and ik people will try and make this about how joe sucks and couldn't put in the effort but it's so much more complicated than that. from the lyrics taylor did what i did in my relationship and didn't really communicate. she sent signals, and kept waiting for him to see was "dying" and then was upset when he didn't see and didn't do anything to stop it. but at the same time this means joe actually didn't know she was hurting. he didn't notice and she didn't tell him and if at one point she did it ended up being a "i don't understand / i know you don't " type of conversation and if he just doesn't understand then there's not much to be done even if he wanted to do something. he can't pretend to understand to please her. seems like he genuinely thought they were okay where they were (maybe even because of taylor's people pleasing tendencies) and she just couldn't take it anymore and he didn't understand what was wrong or why she felt that way. i think that first break up news said everything it had to say. they worked when they were in a bubble but not outside of it. joe never really knew her and thought they were okay the way they were and taylor couldn't see a future together. again it sucks because it seems their very foundation is what tore them apart. taylor Trying all the time while pretending that's not the case and joe not wanting anything for her other than to just be together. the difference is back then he saw through her and they were able to make it work through miscommunication but apparently not anymore. and this could be for so many reasons. maybe his own anxiety/depression got in the way, maybe they both just changed and grew apart. maybe he did grow tired of some of her antics when he's a lot more chill and just didn't understand why she had to try so hard all the time and wanted everyone to do the same. i'm not trying to say taylor is hard to love bc that's not true at all but we all know how much she wants someone to choose her and look only at her and we have proof of the ways she'd make sure to get that (telling you to leave me just to try and scare you / im a mirroball / picking fights in afterglow and the great war).... maybe it got tiring and he just stopped keeping an eye out for The Signs and didn't even realize it... i don't thing either of them are the bad guy here. that said i hate how everyone is already like "she was there for him through everything and he couldn't even be there for her" when we know he WAS there for her a lot in the past. plus yeah "ik my pain is an imposition" hurts but we also have taylor saying "is it insensitive to say get your shit together so i can love you" and "if I would have known how sharp the pieces were you'd crumble into i might have let them lay".... like neither of them is perfect. just feels like they were both thought the other one would change and eventually be okay with things happening *their way* and ofc that just didn't happen. there was no cure.

Thank you so much for sending this thoughtful message, anon! The bottom line is really what you said: their foundation killed then. What worked so well in 2016-2017, what helped Taylor save herself, what made her think that he was the one… that was the same thing that tore them apart in the end.

#taylor swift #you’re losing me

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