#Natasha does not know how to deal with children

[m0nsterqzzz]

Fluff Alphabet with Natasha Romanoff

pairing: Natasha Romanoff x gn reader

summary: fluff alphabet with Natasha Romanoff/some of my headcannons of her

a/n: literally had so much fun writing this and now I want to do one with all the marvel characters.

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A: Affection (how do they show affection/are they good at it?)

Natasha is a very closed off person, but she never misses a chance to prove how much she loves you whether that's leaving you sweet notes to find when she leaves early for a mission, cooking you dinner so you can relax, or cuddling you in bed on a day off. She wasn't very good at it at first as she was raised with the phrase, “love is for children” but she definitely warmed up after a while. Her love language is 100% words of affection and acts of service.

Beauty: (what does she think makes her s/o beautiful?)

She loves your smile as cheesy as it. She also loves when she's dating someone understanding and has a good work ethic. She loves dating someone who understands when she closes herself off or works long hours because she's not doing it to mean, it's just how she deals with things.

Comfort: (how she comforts her s/o when they're dealing with a rough day)

Once again, acts of service and words or praise are her love language so she'll definitely spend time in the kitchen with Wanda to help make you your favorite food and set up a nice warm bath for you. She tells you she's proud of you and how strong you are and then gives you space if you want it or does a fun activity with you if you want to hangout.

Dreams: (does she dream about a future with her s/o/ what are those dreams)

She always dreamed about living her life outside of the red room when she was in it and when she escaped, she thought she was going to spend the rest of her life alone which she was okay with until she met you. Now, when she thinks about her future, you're always in it. Whether that's with a few adopted children on a nice property somewhere, or still living your life you currently have- adding a few pets obviously- she's happy to just have you.

Equal: (is she more dominant or soft in the relationship)

She's definitely more dominant as that's just a personality trait of hers but she also isn't as afraid as she used to be to show her soft side. She's not afraid to call you out when somethings wrong but she also knows that sometimes people just need space which she's happy to give you.

Fight: (how would a typical fight go/ how easily would she forgive her s/o?)

I definitely see Natasha being more of a petty type, but in the end she knows that to help keep your relationship stable you have to talk things out. She's always nervous to do it, but she loves you more than anything. Fights don't happen too often but when they do she tries her best not to let her anger boil over. Not a lot of things you do could ever make her mad, but as we all know, she definitely has a tendency to resort to anger when something goes wrong. She'd never lay a hand on you, but she does tend to yell when arguments break out.

Gratitude: (is she grateful for all her s/o does/has done for her?)

100%. She's so grateful she found someone like you and even though she doesn't say that very often, she proves it with acts of kindness. She believes that anyone can say they are grateful for something, but proving that you are is worth so much more. Whether it's taking you out to a fancy dinner or a fun date, setting up a movie night or taking care of a mission report so you can relax, she always shows you that she's grateful for all you do for her.

Honest: (how honest is she to her s/o?)

Keeping secrets from you is something that she has due to her line of work but other than that, she is mostly honest with you. Sometimes she lies about her emotions, but in the end she always ends up telling you how she's feeling. If you ask her about something, she usually finds no reason to lie. She trusts you with her life so why wouldn't she trust you with her secrets?

Inspiration: (did her s/o inspire her to become a better person?)

Definitely. It's not like she was a bad person at first, but she definitely had a temper and tended to fight a lot. She didn't deal with her emotions well after years of not being able to, and you helped change that. You inspired her to be a better person and lover so that she could be what you deserve.

Jealousy: (does she get jealous? if so, how jealous?)

Natasha knows that you love her and wouldn't leave her for someone else unless she gave you a reason to but a lot of the time, it's just about the way people act towards you or look at you. Some person looking at you with lust filled eyes? Make a move on you and won't take no for an answer? They definitely earn a punch to the face from your girlfriend. After that, she'll ask you if you're okay and take you home to spend the rest of the night proving that your hers.

Kiss: (does she kiss her s/o often? where does she kiss you?)

Natasha loves kissing you, but she loves the way you scrunch up your face when she kisses your nose. You'll often joke when she does it that she “missed your lips” and she simply laughs and kisses you on the lips. Her kisses are usually soft and passionate, but trust that when her dominant side comes out, you're going to be pushed up against a wall and making out with her for hours.

Little ones: (how is she around kids?)

Even with her cold personality, children hold a special place in her heart as she will never be able to biologically have any of her own. She wants to eventually start a family with you, but for now she's fine with babysitting her teammates' kids sometimes or visiting the children's hospital in her superhero suit. When they scream and cry, she has to admit that she's not too great with dealing with that but she eventually just takes a deep breath and calms herself in order to help calm them. If that doesn't work, she calls in Wanda.

Marriage: (does she want to get married?)

Honestly, she doesn't care all that much. Obviously, marrying you would be nice but it's not necessary. She simply loves being with you and if you never get married, that's fine. If you do, great. She thinks about what it would be like often, but she knows that in the end you guys would still be as happy as you are now. The only thing that would change would be you have a piece of paper to hang on the wall that basically says, “I love this person so fucking much” and most of her friends already know she does. 

Nicknames: (what nicknames does she call her s/o? Does she have any for them?)

She definitely likes more personal nicknames that all though it didn't take a lot of time to come up with them, it's something that shows how much you know each other. She uses regular nicknames too. Babe, darling, dear or any term of endearment in Russian are some of her favorites to use. She loves how flustered you get when she speaks in Russian, which is why she does it so often.

On Cloud Nine: (what's she like in love? is it obvious?) 

I wouldn't exactly say it's obvious but the people that know Natasha personally can definitely tell when her moods are changing. She's nicer, calmer, and a whole lot more happy. It's the little things like the way she looks at you, the way she handles different problems that involve you, or the way she protects you.

PDA: (is she okay with showing off her relationship in public?) 

It's not that she doesn't like to, it's just that she knows how uncomfortable it must be for others. She's not scared of what others would think, as she can protect herself and you easily, so she doesn't mind kissing you in public or hugging you. Holding hands is definitely her thing, so that she doesn't lose you in big crowds and so she can easily remind you that she's there for you when she notices you getting overwhelmed.

Quirk: (a trait of hers that makes her a great partner)

She is a great listener and notices the little things. She knows when you need her to be there or when you need space, she can literally read your emotions from the way your eyes look. She notices small things about you that nobody else does, and you often find a gift left for you on the counter if she hears you talking about wanting it in a conversation that you didn't think she was paying attention to.

Romance: (is she a romantic or does she not know how?)

She often says she's not romantic, but the date nights she plans prove otherwise. She doesn't exactly know how to show romance after years of not doing it, but she loves randomly saying something that causes you to grin and blush. Little compliments throughout the day, telling you (quite poetically might I add) how much she loves you, or cuddling you in the warmth of your home.

Security: (are they protective over you? if so, how protective?)

She's very protective and even though she knows you can handle yourself, she's always watching over you on missions or really just in daily life. Not in a possessive way, just making sure that her partner stays safe. She trusts you to stay safe, but who doesn't need extra protection in case something goes wrong?

Thrill: (does she like trying out new things in the relationship or does she like a routine?)

She loves a routine, but she knows better than anyone that following the same one everyday can make you go insane. With that knowledge, she makes sure to plan fun date nights every once in a while, or just randomly go out and have fun. Even with her love of routines, she also loves being spontaneous in life and in her relationship. Other then that, she's fine with the daily life that you guys have. Work dury the day, sometimes she has missions in the evenings or at night, and spend whatever free time she has having a meal with you or cuddling.

Ugly: (what are some of her bad traits? does she know that she has them?)

She understands that she has some bad traits and tries her best to fix them if they're becoming a problem. A few of them are:

doesn't show emotions and instead bottles them up (which then causes outbursts)

stresses about little things that go wrong when planning something

always puts other before herself which sometimes leads to putting herself in danger

She knows that you struggle to understand her sometimes and she tries her best to help you.

Value: (on what level of priority is her relationship? does it come before other relationships in her life?)

She knows how much putting your relationship as one of her top priorities, and she does her best to do that. She's not one to blow you off the hang out with other people, but she knows that if she truly has to for something like a mission, she has a very understanding partner. She doesn't take advantage of that though, and she always makes sure to set aside time to spend with you if she's been very busy for a while.

Wild Card (A random fluffy headcanon that you have about the relationship?)

I think that Natashas favorite season would be winter because she loves the cold. 

Since it snows in New York, she will spend any free minute forcing you to come outside with her to play in it. 

Snowball fights are definitely her thing. 

She'll pull the rest of the avengers into it too, and her competitive side would quickly come out. 

Loves hot chocolate and would have it for every single meal if you let her. 

100% gets sick from days of not putting on a jacket while she goes outside like you told her to. 

“I told you so, Nat. Now come eat your soup.” 

Forces you to cuddle with her and gets you sick as well.

XOXO (Does she like to kiss, hug, cuddle you? If so, how often does she do it?)

I feel like Natasha is a big physical touch person in a relationship but just doesn't like to show it around other people. She loves kissing you, will pull you into a hug randomly, or cuddle with you while you're doing simple tasks. Doing a mission report? She's there to hug you. Taking a shower? She's there to wash your hair for you and hug you. Cooking? She wraps her arms around you from behind and buries her face in your neck.

Yucks: (some things she doesn't like)

Natasha hates pickles. I don't know why but I just feel like she'd be the type to get a burger and pass her pickles onto one of her teammates plates. And pineapples, I think she'd hate pineapple flavored things or just the fruit itself because it makes her mouth “feel icky”. It's also well known that she hates working with people as a team especially on missions and even though she loves her teammates, she prefers to go on solo missions.

So for Z I couldn't pick between these 2 so I decided to do both lol:

Zeal: (would she go to great lengths for you/ or relationship? if so, how far)

Literally yall are the "Don't Blame Me” couple. She would do anything for you. You know how heros would give their love in order to save the world? Not her. She would rather die than let you die. It may seem dramatic, but you're her everything the same way she's yours. She would go so fucking far to protect you and what you guys have. There is very little she wouldn't do for you. Murder is not out of the picture.

Zzz: (how is she when she sleeps? Does she sleep walk? Sleep talk? nightmares?)

After her past in the red room, she definitely has nightmares that end with you guys watching TV in the living room as you try and help her sleep again. She also talks in her sleep. You've stayed up sometimes to listen to her say full sentences. It scared you at first because you would wake up to her seemingly talking to you but she would still be asleep. Other than that, she's a calm sleeper but also wakes up easily sometimes as she is always on high alert

#marvel x reader #marvel x you #natasha romanoff #the black widow #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x you #fluff #fluff alphabet

[kurogane2512]

If that okay, can I please get headcanon of Himiko, Kafka, and Natasha trying to help female reader to deal with anger issues? Like as the fluff and maybe a little angst, if you're comfortable with it.

Yes, of course! So sorry for being late and thank you for waiting <3

Game: Honkai Star Rail

Characters: Himeko, Kafka, Natasha x fem!reader

Type: Fluff (dealing with anger issues)

Natasha

She's very caring and kind, honestly a medicine by herself. You are her childhood friend since the days at Rivet Town, you know everything about each other and are practically inseparable. You have always been each other's best support and had a mutual crush, eventually forming a romantic relationship.

You have always been a bit short-tempered due to how life in the Underworld was but she always knows how to calm you and soothe you. When she was accused of killing her brother out of jealously, you were the only one to be by her side and believe in her. At present, you help her around the clinic and other activities.

"Y/n, my love, could you deliver these medicines to the elders down the street?"

Natasha requested and you easily accepted, going out to deliver her medicines to the mentioned address. On the way, some children from around the town huddled around you requesting you to play with them. You had delivered the medicines and were on the way back when you overheard some people talking about Natasha.

"Hey, don't you think Natasha's medicines have been ineffective recently?"

"Recently? I believe they never worked. Her brother was the true miracle artist, she's nothing compared to him."

"Huh, and to imagine she killed him for that. In the end, her medicines still don't work and we lost someone truly skilled."

Such gossip happened rarely now but it always made you lose control. You ended up initiating a fight with the group, kicking and punching them for mocking Natasha. These were the moments you'd get truly angry; you didn't tolerate any of this. The kids end up calling Natasha to stop you, who hurriedly apologizes to everyone and drags you back to the clinic.

"My love, I have told you so many times not to fight that way...." Natasha pleads while sitting beside you and applying medicine on your wounds.

You scoff, "Hmph, they were making fun of you. I won't tolerate that!"

"Y/n....I have told you to control it, haven't I? Look how you injured your cute face...."

She gently rubbed on your wounds with the cotton swab, making you blush slightly and look away.

"W-Well, it does pain a bit...."

"It does? Well then let me soothe you~"

She turned your face towards herself and planted soft kisses on it, especially on the wounds. Her lips travelled all over your face and you pulled her closer to make her straddle your lap, arms wrapping around your neck as you place your lips on hers. This was the best way to calm you, just be in her loving embrace and feel her body on yours.

She chuckled as she pulled away, "It's so cute how you can be so assertive at one moment then become so childish the next~"

You blush and hug her closely, keeping your face in the crook of her neck while she caresses the back of your head and pecks your forehead. "Thank you, my love but please, don't hurt yourself any more."

"Okay....sorry for increasing your work."

"Hehe~ You'll compensate by working extra for me~"

Himeko

Himeko's nature is quite mysterious; she's motherly and kind on surface but deep down she harbors loneliness. The two of you met in the most unlikely circumstances, then fell in love in even more unlikeliness. You were a researcher at Herta Space Station, one of the closest to Herta. You had met Himeko a couple of times when the Express came there and you two naturally bonded over some shared interests.

However, forming a long-distance relationship didn't turn out as you had expected. She'd be away for months, cruising around in the Express and going to new places, meeting new people. While you were stuck in that floating monument with a hell of a boss to deal with. Herta's antics would already make you irritated enough, then the loneliness from not meeting your lover would also contribute.

"Y/n, have you run the tests I asked yesterday?" Herta asked as she paced around the lab while you were sitting on your desk, looking at your phone and not hearing her.

"Y/n? Oi, I asked you something!" she lightly punched your shoulder, making you quickly stand up and bow.

"S-Sorry, did you say something?"

"Seriously! Stop looking at your phone all the time. This is the third time I have caught you this week already! She'll reply when she has time, get on with your work!"

You gritted your teeth and slammed the table, catching Herta off guard. But you held back your emotions and instead stormed out of the lab and went to your room. You slammed the door shut and leaned against it, fists clenched, when you noticed the lamp of your desk was switched on and a note was kept on it.

You walked up to the desk and picked up the note only to be immediately surprised as it was from none other than Himeko herself. She hadn't replied to your messages nor called in over a week, it was the first time you went so long without any contact. Yet, finding a handwritten letter from her was the last thing you were expecting.

"Dear Y/n, listen, i know this isn't easy for you and I'm so proud of you for keeping up. Wait for me, okay? i long to see you too and when I can....I'll love you dearly." -Himeko.

You were confused as to how the letter even reached here when suddenly a pair of arms was wrapped around you, a familiar fragrance and presence embracing you.

"Sshh~ It's me." Himeko whispered as she buried her face in your neck and hugged you closely. You stood frozen at your place, too surprised to respond.

"Surprise~" she mused and kissed your neck, happily giggling.

"....When did you come?" you coldly asked, making her slightly surprised at your dull reaction.

"Hm? Just some minutes ago. I heard Herta shouting at you, was everything fine?"

"Yes..."

She furrowed her brows and held you tighter, "What is it? Are you not happy to see me?"

You remained silent and she became worried then turned you around to look at you.

"Are you angry about the messages? I'm sorry, it was really busy this past week. And I had already planned to stop by so I thought it'd be a nice way to make you surprised."

You pursed your lips and mumbled, "I thought you didn't love me anymore...."

Himeko's eyes widened and she cupped your face, "What? No— Why would I—?!"

"I thought you wanted to break up and get this over with! I thought it's an inconvenience for you and maybe you found someone better! I....I got frustrated and....I didn't know what to do!"

You shouted and tears formed in your eyes, she was even more shocked. You were about to speak more but she quickly leaned in and placed her lips on yours, roughly kissing you. Your hands grabbed her shoulders as hers snaked around your waist and she pushed you against the desk, making you lean on the edge.

She kissed you deeply and passionately, her way of telling you how much she loved you and that your fears were unfounded. She let go after a while and immediately kissed your neck, licking at a spot and biting followed by sucking, a mark forming on your skin.

"I missed you, my darling. And I still love you very dearly, you have no idea how difficult it was for me without you as well. I promise I won't make you feel that way ever again. Will you forgive me?"

You slowly smiled and nodded, "Of course. I'm....very happy to see you, I missed you too."

Kafka

Oh god, she won't tolerate you being angry at all. Jk, but don't worry she has her ways to quell your anger for sure. You are a Stellaron Hunter and it hasn't been long since you joined. Naturally, you are an amateur compared to veterans like her and Silver Wolf. This also meant that you were incompetent and failed some missions.

You weren't given any major missions but there had been a few important ones where you performed below expectations and angered the higher-ups. Nobody liked getting an earful, and you particularly didn't have fond memories of it. You'd end up thrashing your room after every scolding in order to get out your frustration, and perhaps that's exactly what attracted Kafka.

"Y/n, what is this?! Another failed mission! This is twice in a row, are you even serious about your position?!" Elio shouted over the phone, making you squirm away and grit your teeth.

"I-I'm sorry...I—"

"I want you back at the HQ tomorrow, anyhow. Otherwise....you won't hear from us again, ever."

He cut the phone and you clicked your tongue before standing up and kicking the chair followed by throwing away the books across the room as you cursed yourself for being so weak and incompetent.

"Ooh~ This time the damage isn't much~"

A familiar voice spoke from behind and you turned around to see Kafka standing at the door, whistling to herself as she leisurely walked inside.

"So? What is it this time?"

"....He wants me at the HQ tomorrow."

"My, too bad. But it makes sense. You jeopardized the mission quite badly this time. Do you realize what is at stake here? One wrong move and you will be caught by the Peace Corporation and jailed, or much worse....executed. Do you how realize how troublesome it would be for the rest of us?"

She continued speaking— lecturing, to be precise. Kafka usually didn't care about others, much less her colleagues. However, a part of her seemed to care for you as a lover and partner and her lecturing was to help you improve. But she didn't always choose the right time.

"Don't lecture me about stakes and my incompetence! I wi—"

She suddenly pushed you to the wall behind and pinned you, covering your mouth her hand.

"Sssh, now don't you interrupt again when I'm talking~"

You glared at her, she removed her hand and you were about to talk back but she connected her lips with yours and stopped you from speaking. Her body pressed against you as she went deeper and more sensual, making you forget all your anger and instead be focused on her.

"Hmm~ It's almost too easy to shut you up this way. I wonder how others would react if they knew of this~"

"H-How dare you— mhm!~"

She again kissed you, this time slipping her tongue in and rolling it with yours. Your muffled voices resounded in the room until she finally let go, both of you panting with reddened faces.

"Looks like you have lost all steam now. Call me again in case you need it~"

#honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #hsr #himeko x reader #hsr himeko x reader #natasha x reader #hsr natasha x reader #kafka x reader #hsr kafka x reader #hsr natasha #hsr kafka #hsr himeko #hsr fluff #honkai star rail fluff

[mono-dot-jpeg]

lost and sick - express crew

summary; being part of the underground meant you lived an unstable life and it was hard to erase.

genre/extra tags; one shot, fluff, angst, teen! reader, no dialogue fic, reader is from jarilo v

word count; 440

[platonic] [teen! reader] [gender neutral! reader]

[warnings; chronic illness, reader does not like being touch and makes it obvious, children experiments, death of parents, mentions of torture (but never talked abt any deeper)]

a/n; you'd think with all the time I've been on genshin (idk how long but too long), i would take the time to learn more of the characters. but to be fair i stopped playing when sumeru first released. i played like a decent chunk of it, then i stopped. uhh, well, hope you enjoy anyways.

being a citizen of the great mine sucked. a lot of it sucked. and a lot of it was traumatizing.

being forcefully tested on, pushed down to your tiny limit as a kid, trying to sway your naive brain that this was fine, and trying to convince you that you would be cured.

if only it was that easy.

if only it didn't take years for someone to find out about the secret circle of fake doctors that were "curing kids" just to get a quick buck out of parents.

your parents were long gone after you got worse. they ran out of money and out of time.

but you were found, broken, lost, and ill. you were taken to natasha immediately.

you told them your origins, albeit not all of it. and you were taken in by a mysterious group, the astral express, trailblazers; they called themselves.

you went wary. extremely so.

they understood. they thought, this young teen is lost without a parent and support, and now they're getting it? they would be wary too. it looked too good to be true after your experiences of torture and anguish.

you kept your distance. well... as much distance as you could when you were ill. some days, you would find yourself with the energy to walk around and care for yourself for most of the day. and other days, you would be bedridden, unable to move as you feel like you were stuck in that damned lab again, numb and unable to fight.

it was.. a struggle.

the crew was extremely patient with you. it was almost embarrassing to you. having them to be so nice to you even if you avoided them as much as possible, it made you feel bad for them. but.. it's not like they knew anything about the labs. they just knew that you were a broken kid needing a home. and they wanted to try and provide that.

maybe it was time to really tell them everything.

and you did.

you told them, the horror you lived through, how your life was ticking faster than others because of it, how you were forced to deal with unwanted shots and lab tests.

they were in shock but they were proud that you had spoken to them about it. and after that you opened up to them a little more.

you started to find a way to embrace your short life with the help of the astral express.

and you don't mind living this short life if you know that you have a family who love you dearly and gave you the home you deserved.

#honkai x reader #honkai star rail x reader #welt yang x reader #himeko x reader #caelus x reader #stelle x reader #march 7th x reader #dan heng x reader #hsr x reader

[sorrinslays]

I would love to hear more about your Sampo headcanons!:)

Hello!!!!

So strictly speaking, I've said all my 'main' headcannons so what's left is just silly little thoughts that I feel like would or could happen in cannon and just are fun to think about. So here we go!

1. I think it would be really cute if at some point, after the seal of the underworld was lifted and Rivet Town is habitable once more, Natasha wants to return to the orphanage and, to raise money, they do a theatrical performance.

Sampo volunteers to help as a director and while he is fair, he bias he has for children is a lot more noticeable. Like, he'd be the Gordon Ramsay of theater. They did raise the funds though so all is forgiven. /j

2. You know Celine? The NPC that wants to become like another NPC so at that point she just stalks and copies her and asks for our help in a daily mission? Yeah, he accidently gave her the idea.

He would probably at some point advertise himself as a 'solver of any problem' and Celine would come to him asking for acting advice, saying she wants to be more like Tamila (the NPC she's trying to copy).

The advice he would give is learn how to pick up some of her mannerisms so she can get more 'in character', saying that's what he does a lot . And Celine does, and that's the start of her 'obsession'.

He doesn't know what's going on with Celine since after the initial 'session' he hasn't seen her and he didn't think about it much. He made money that's all that matters.

3. When Seele turned of age to drink, she immediately started challenging people to drinking contests because she has high metabolism. However, she got too cocky when she taunted Sampo, not knowing that man has spent a big portion of his life in the World's End tavern.

She lost soon after and never went drinking with Sampo again. Don't worry though, the day after Natasha scolded both. Sampo still makes fun of her anytime he sees her holding an alcoholic drink (Natasha won't admit she finds it entertaining).

4. Has started multiple betting pools with the Silvermane Guards (while pretending to be one). Gepard know of them (not that it's Sampo making them) and lets them do it since the bets (50-100 credits) aren't that big so nobody is losing much money and it keeps his soldiers entertained enough.

5. I just know this man makes snowmen in highly dangerous, far from the city, fragmentum filled areas. Like he's in the middle of nowhere, snow is all around him and fragmentum are ready to strike anything that moves and he crunches down, and makes snowmen in dumb poses, sometimes resembling people from Belobog.

Anytime that the Guards have to make an expedition for whatever reason and spot a snowman, the reaction they have is: "He's been here too????????!!!!! Why?????!!! What the fuck, how?!?!??!1/1?1/"

6. Babies, infants more specifically, immediately calm down and giggle in his arms but he himself is very awkward around them. It's probably because he's a Creation of Elation so he brings laugher easily, but he does not know how to interact with them. They are just so small! What if he accidently boops their nose too hard and it dents or something???????

Whenever Natasha has a difficult baby to deal with because they keep crying no matter what she calls Sampo. He always comes, thinking it's a favor she needs or more medicine, but no. It's a baby, here hold it.

7. Since he's not entirely human, he needs less food, water and sleep. That's great! But he neglects those needs more often than not because he forgets he needs to eat, drink and sleep.

8. He probably has slept in a cardboard box before, because he forgot that he does get tired and was about to pass out so he did it in the safest place (trash).

9. I do believe he's unvaccinated, not because he's anti-vax, but because, one, he's not fully human so his immune system is different and stronger, but also two, it requires a lot more touching that he's comfortable with (that is none) which is why he avoids doctors

Plus, he was spawned, he was never a child. So he never had the opportunity to get one and he learnt about their existence a little too late.

He once mentioned it to Gepard who freaked out and made a plan with Natasha to get Sampo to get his shots. It was messy.

10. I do believe he can shapeshift and I imagine that he once had a conversation with Gepard (after they had become closer) where he mentioned that in another language Geppie's name means cheetah. And because Gepard has never seen a cheetah, Sampo shapeshifted into one. Sampo spent the entire night shapeshifting into different animals and species to show the other. Gepard quickly noted that a fox suits Sampo a lot.

#hope you liked them!!!!!! #thank you anon!! #I love talking about my favourite little conman #sampo koski #honkai star rail #hsr #hsr sampo

[watchmakermori]

Womanhood as a prison in Natasha Pulley novels

I know that a great deal has already been said about Natasha Pulley’s portrayal of female characters, because even her most ardent fans (and I count myself among them) are often highly critical of how women are written in her stories - or, more aptly, written out of them.

But I think there is more to be said about how not only female characters are presented, but how the very concept of femininity is portrayed, via both the characters’ dialogue and inner thoughts. This analysis will reference all of Pulley’s books with the exception of The Bedlam Stacks. I’m excluding it on the grounds of it having little to no major female characters, but if any Bedlam superfans have any insight to add, please do reblog and contribute.

One of the main criticisms of Pulley’s women is their overarching similarity, so let’s briefly consider those commonalities. They are mostly educated, career-driven scientists (Grace is a budding physicist, Agatha a surgeon, Anna a much more experienced physicist). They are usually unnattractive by conventional standards; Grace is described as looking ‘like a boy’, Pepperharrow refers to herself as being ugly, Agatha is ‘tall and flat-chested’, and Anna’s introduction mentions that she has a ‘blonde buzz cut’ and is somewhat overweight.

They are also generally emotionally cold and poor caretakers, especially in contrast to the male characters. Joe’s wife, Alice, is noted to resent their daughter and engage with her far less than he does. Similarly, Shenkov is significantly more child-orientated than Anna. Agatha forces Missouri to watch a man having his throat cut, because she believes him too gentle for war. Said female characters may also show distaste for softer, more vulnerable women. Takiko Pepperharrow speaks of her mother like this (The Lost Future of Pepperharrow, p. 72): 

Saying yes and simpering all the time was silly - her mother did that and even noticeably anxious ducklings walked over her mother

She isn’t the only person to speak of her mother with a degree of pity and distaste. Grace claims that to argue with her own mother feels like ‘slapping a kitten’ - Mrs Carrow is presented as too meek to understand her own powerlessness, to the point that she considers it an achievement to leave the house alone. In the epilogue of The Half Life of Valery K, Valery himself describes the pitiable housewife Cecilia as being ‘just as stunted as his own mother’. Similarly to Mrs Carrow, the aforementioned Cecilia is not presented as fully aware of how small and restricted her life is - her happiness rests on the outcome of a dinner party, nothing larger than that.

The common thread between these pitiable characters is that they embody traditional womanhood - they are married, they are subservient to their husbands, and they have children. Perhaps the most notable - and interesting - trend amongst Pulley’s female charcters is that they invariably have a complicated relationship with marriage, caretaking, and/or childbearing.

Pulley’s novels frequently frame motherhood (along with other traditionally feminine pursuits and behaviours) as an obstacle to the female characters’ goals. In conversation with her mother, Grace talks about the prospect of marriage in the following way (The Watchmaker of Filigree Street, p. 102):

“Wives have duties. If I have children I’ll go insane for a year and a half - don’t look like that, you did, with James and with William, it was terrifying - and that will be a year and a half of weeping over nothing and a brain made of soup in which I can’t work. And then it will happen again with the next child, and then slowly I won’t want to work at all, and I’ll always be soup...”

In Grace’s mind, having children is a barrier to her academic pursuits. She is fiercely certain that giving birth will not only reduce her brain to ‘soup’, but that the impact will be permanent - she will lose herself to motherhood, and it will take away her drive and her intellect. Similar sentiments can be found among other female characters, such as when Takiko observes the following (The Lost Future of Pepperharrow, p. 175):

All her sisters had had children, and all she’d learned from it was that people with children turned inward. She didn’t see any of them anymore.

Once again, there is the sense that motherhood steals from women. It takes them away from themselves by turning them inward, and also from other people in that they lose contact with family members. The Half Life of Valery K foregrounds Anna’s perspective on motherhood (p. 137), which is probably the most extreme of all:

..she had told him straight up when they got married that she wasn’t a natural mother, that she didn’t do well with small helpless things, because she had been trained to care about electron microscopes, thanks, and obviously she would gestate him a small helpless thing to look after if he wanted [...] but there would be no talk of staying home, nesting, or maternal fussing, because frankly that was nothing but weakness of character in a woman...

A significant part of this passage is the notion that Anna is not a natural mother because she has ‘been trained to care about electron microscopes’. Not only does this again put scientific pursuits and childrearing in opposition (you may care for one, not both), the verb ‘trained’ suggests that this behaviour is learned, as though she has been educated out of maternal desires.

At this point in the analysis, I would like to specify that discussing these ideas in fiction is not inherently problematic or anti-feminist. It is vitally important for women to be free to reject motherhood, and by extension it is good to see female characters who are unapologetically unmaternal and unfeminine. When I first read The Watchmaker of Filigree Street, I adored Grace’s character for this - I loved her arrogance, her stubbornness, her distaste for marriage, her coarseness. Even the fact that she looked down on other women made her fascinating to me, because we just don’t see a lot of multi-faceted female characters who act in this way. She was complex and interesting without being a Strong Female Character™ to look up to - she was allowed to be wrong and wildly dislikable.

Where I take issue, however, is the fact that we have never seen an alternative to Grace in all five of Natasha Pulley’s novels. She is yet to write a significant female character who is complex and important despite being more traditionally feminine - there are no women who are scientists and dedicated mothers, who are career-minded and gentle, who are fiercely independent and hopeless romantics. It is one thing for Grace and other characters to disparage the poor, oppressed housewives in their society, but it is another thing entirely for the narrative itself to disparage these women. A woman without an education is still a fully-realised person with her own internal life. Women who cannot attain much agency are still as complex as those who can, yet Pulley’s stories never quite acknowledge this.

Which leads me onto the overarching portrayal of womanhood in Pulley’s novels. I’ve always been hesitant to assume too much based on singular characters, as I do think it’s imporant to recognise that a character’s perspective is not a proxy for the author’s. But after five books, the patterns are undeniable, and I think they’re more marked in The Half Life of Valery K than they ever have been. Consider the quotation below, taken from p. 30:

[Valery] never knew what to say when women pointed out that they were women and that it was, generally, awful. There was a knee-jerk human instinct to say it couldn’t be as bad as all that, like he would have to anyone who was feeling blue, but it was one of those instances where it really was awful, and trying to say it wasn’t was somewhere on the spectrum between stupid and criminal.

Valery offers an invariably bleak perspective on womanhood, which is in keeping with the attitudes of the female characters in Pulley’s books. Not only is womanhood described as miserable - Valery also claims that to deny the truth of this is either ‘stupid or criminal’. There is no space to take a more positive view on femininity. 

Being charitable, we could view this as a (heavy-handed) condemnation of sexism and patriarchy, and I do think that this is Pulley’s intention. But it’s worth considering that she does not discuss other marginalisation in this way. Despite the homophobia her numerous queer protagonists face, nobody goes on a similar tirade about the misery of being a man who loves other men. The trials and struggles are acknowledged, but queer love is still rightfully shown to be beautiful and privately joyous - in a way that being a woman never is.

Instead, womanhood in Pulley’s novels is oppressive and inescapable. Even a young girl’s fingernails cannot be neutral - they too represent the trappings of patriarchy (The Half Life of Valery K, p. 274):

“I can’t do it,” Tatiana said to her own laces. She studied her fingernails. “My tools of the patriarchy are getting too long.”

(This is an utterly bizarre thing for a little kid to say, by the way).

Towards the end of the novel, a carriage full of female prisoners is set upon by male ones, which is portrayed almost as an inevitablitity - we do not get a scene of exactly what happens, because the outcome is obvious enough to be implied. This outlook on the inevitability of violence against women is never challenged at any point; Valery only emphasises it in the final pages of the novel (p. 369):

every doctor he worked with and laughed with in tea breaks probably had an identical wife, all of them keeping women like bonsai trees

The messaging across Pulley’s novels is that of womanhood as a prison. There is little to no joy to be found in it; it results in confinement, loss of the self, isolation from others, and exposure to physical and emotional violence. Women who ‘succumb’ to marriage and children are given little voice in her stories - they are pitiable, ‘identical’ lost causes, called ‘stunted’, compared to kittens and bonsai trees. The only female POVs are that of women rebelling against conventional femininity, who are ambivalent or outwardly resentful towards caretaking, childrearing, and reliance on others. And even these women do not get to take up a great deal of space; all of them serve as obstacles to the central romances and all of them are written out to secure the male characters’ happily ever afters.

I do not believe that Natasha Pulley has malicious intent in how she writes female characters. It is important to address misogynistic violence and the ways in which the institution of marriage has restricted and oppressed women, and I believe she does try to do that. But there are ways to explore this issue whilst still acknowleding the variety of women’s experiences - and, crucially, showing that there is more to femininity than suffering.

But it requires time and space. Natasha Pulley has no hope of doing this if she does not start deviating from her usual archetypes - her stories need a better quality and quantity of women. While I live in hope of improvements to her female representation, I would be lying if I said I was optimistic.

#natasha pulley #the watchmaker of filigree street #the half life of valery k #the kingdoms #the lost future of pepperharrow #i wrote this instead of doing my actual job this afternoon #I just couldn't. stop. thinking about it #my friend finished reading the kingdoms yesterday and we ended up talking about the huge Weirdness of her female rep #and the more I looked back over valery k the more i think that book has such a STRANGE presentation of women and gender as a whole #the fact that it almost tries to pass itself off as feminist (in such a heavy handed way too!) while shafting the female characters is just #not good chief #long post

[kitmoas]

The Chronicles of a Sweet Toy

A Training Grounds Mini Series

Summary: The sweetest side of Toy makes everyone around them melt. (Yelena emerges from the shadows)

Warnings: Ageplay (Think that's it, let me know if I missed anything)

A/N: This has been a long time coming, and I'm super excited to put out these drabbles. I'll be posting one every day for a week.

***Minors DNI***No Smut rn but this is an 18+ Training Grounds Universe***

| Vol. i | Vol. ii | Vol. iii | Vol. iv | Vol. v | Vol. vi | Vol. vii |

The words on the multitude of screens blur some as Natasha rubs at her tired eyes. You had been slipping into a different headspace lately, and she never really dealt with it before, and she never liked feeling uneducated. The two of you had a few conversations about it, most of it being you mumbling through the flush rising on your face and the widow trying to ease your nerves. Now here she sits at eight in the morning after setting you up for your first zoom class of the day trying to get as much information as possible. 

She’s so immersed in the different websites that she doesn’t hear the window open, nor does she see the slim body slide in. “I could have shot you right in the head and you would not have had time to try and stop me.” The ginger sighs, flinching at the position she got herself in, as she lets her gaze slide to her sister now sitting on the window sill. Opening her arms the older woman scoffs, but her body softens as her little sister cuddles into her side. The two sit in silence for a minute, Yelena just waiting to see if Natasha will bring up what she’s researching. “So you found out?” 

The ginger flinches, partially from the sudden noise but also from the blunt tone of her younger sister. “Found out wha–” The look she receives from the blonde makes her stop, sighing softly. “Yeah, I don’t know if I’m capable of taking care of that side of them. How is someone like me capable of… of.. Doing that.” She helplessly flops her hand in the direction of the computer screen. Slouching as she protectively wraps herself around Yelena, the stressed thoughts are obvious on her face. “H-how did you know, Y?” 

The white widow is pushing out of her sister’s arms, spinning to look at her face. “Honestly? I only figured it out right before you three got together. Y/N would get in moods that seemed different, and these I did not understand. I did a little research and I suppose I put the rest together. She is not hard to deal with, and to be completely blunt I am not even sure she knows what is going on to a good extent. I know I did not, but she is my best friend. I was not there to judge, so we hung out and watched some very colorful sponges and floating cartoon characters. I had thought you two knew this entire time with your weird all knowing witchy wife.” The smirk on the blonde’s face makes Natasha roll her eyes, shoving her slightly. 

Shrugging, the older widow mindlessly scrolls through the article she was reading. “First off, she isn’t my wife. Second, it’s Spongebob; learn American media Y you’ve been here long enough.” The green eyes flick over to look at the pouting little sister with a teasing smirk. “This is the first time Y/N has really…shown us this side, but you do seem like you’re right. I’m not sure they realize that this isn’t just basic subspace. I just don’t know if I’m much of a…caregiver..” 

A calm silence covers the room as the two let the conversation soak in, Yelena curling into Natasha’s side relishing in the attention of her older sister. “You know, Sha, you are.” She smiles at the confused look the ginger shoots at her. “You take care of wiggly woos, have for so many years. You take care of Y/N too, I mean c’mon Daddy.” The young widow pokes her sister in the side, a small teasing smile on her lips. “And..you take care of me, all the time. You always have, ever since we were children. You take so good care of those you love, you taught me how to do the same. Do not use the fear in your veins to let you stop yourself from doing something that I know you want to do.” The blonde shushes her older sister when she opens her mouth to counter her, a knowing look on the young girl’s face. “Where is-” 

Yelena’s question is cut short by some sniffles and Natasha spins around immediately to see you holding a dripping Sir Spikes, rubbing at your red tear filled eyes. Before the Avenger can even get a word out, you’re babbling incoherently as you sob uncontrollably. She’s rushing towards you, eyebrows scrunched in confusion, as you hold out your beloved stuffed animal. “Oh Detka, what happened? I thought you were doing school work after your class.” 

You plop the soaked plush in her hands, and you let your body carelessly flop onto the floor; pouting up at her. “Spilled the can on Sir Spikes.” You’re miserably whimpering up at her, eyes filled with tears. “Fix him Daddy.” 

Natasha’s whole body is tense, panic obvious all over her face. The ginger’s eyes are flitting between the disgusting feeling stuffed animal in her hands and you, as you lean pathetically against the door frame. She has never seen you this distressed, and her emotions are already all over the place. 

It’s Yelena, jumping up and invading your space, that makes your crying turn into mere whimpers. She’s rambling in Russian to you, watching you finally start giggling, but she’s giving Natasha instructions. Step by step, the older widow listens to you try to prompt her sister into saying different things as she mechanically washes the dinosaur and cleans up the spilled red bull. Cringing at the sticky mess, she moves around your desk so that nothing would get wet. By  the time she gets back, you and Yelena were moving the room around. “Uh.. what’s happening here?” 

The two of you look up, innocent smiles quickly spreading across both of your faces, as you freeze in your spots. You both are rocking on your feet, badly suppressed giggles filling the room, before you finally scramble over to the ginger. “Daddy shhhh you’re on a mission! Can’t let the bad guys hear you!!” 

Yelena stumbles over, arms full of nerf guns and foam daggers, with a crooked smile on her face. “We need code names! I can be White Widow or W2.” She’s puffing her chest out now, as she drops the toy weapons at your feet. You immediately pout, grumpy that your best friend is trying to come up with her own code name. The two of you immediately start bickering, the intensity finally making Natasha step in to settle the fight. 

It’s with the couch flipped upside down, blankets hung up and thrown over chairs, and nerf darts stuck to the walls that Wanda comes home to. The witch’s jaw drops at the sheer amount of untidiness, but before she can call out to yell at anyone she hears static. Following the sound she finds Yelena laying on her stomach underneath the flipped couch, with a sniper nerf gun and a walkie-talkie. A guilty smile is thrown towards the witch as the small device broadcasts your voice, “Widow 2, hello? This thing not working, why’s nobody talking?”

Wanda’s face softens as she hears a distant “Widow 1, help! Nothing's working!”. With a wave of her hand she lets her body be covered in her Avengers suit, pulling at the jacket as it settles on her shoulders. She winks at Yelena, motioning for this to be a secret between the two of them before she sends a sparking ball of magic into the room where she can hear you whining to Natasha to fix your walkie-talkie. 

The squeals and panicked shooting makes a smile spread across her face as she settles in the pantry, preparing herself to fight her favorite three agents

Tag list: @simplysimping999 @8bitscarlet @simpfornatasharomanoff @yourtaletotell @s1ut4nat @simpforflorencepugh1 @theperfectlovestory @katebishop-ladyarrow @widowbitessting @uraveragequeer @didujustcallmedumb @inluvwithfictionalwomen @ali-lie

#kitmoas writes #k: TGU drabble #k: training grounds #marvel fanfiction #kate bishop #wanda maximoff #marvel wlw #natasha romanoff #wandanat #yelena belova #wanda maximoff x you #wanda maximoff x y/n #wanda maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x female reader #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff x you #natasha romanoff x wanda maximoff #wandanat x y/n #wandanat x reader #wanda x reader #wanda x you #yelena belova x reader #yelena belova x y/n #yelena belova x you

[pandagirl45]

Kids ask Bucky why he has a Prosthetic arm and let him share his past stories.

This got me thinking especially for future fics too.

The arm was something the four of them spoke about with admiration and curiosity. Admiration on Uliss "Ultron" and Kurt. Curiousity from Moder. A mix of both from Skar. The young children followed the now known White Wolf of The Avengers, the Ghost Story, The Winter Soldier. Even though those last two nicknames are lost on them. Some of the adults spoke with amusement, others with soft reminders that usually was Aunt Natasha and Kurt's pop Steve. Other times it was spoke with so much weight, the kids scurry away when Uliss parents spoke softly on it.

Other times the kids watch Bucky Barnes workout. Spar. Train the newer heroes. Chase Hawkeye around the manor or tower about something. They watched with a task for later to figure out how Clint was able to scale up into vents.

The kids mission was to figure what those nicknames means and especially about his arm.

"He is your dad."

"Kurt, I don't know how to bring it up."

"We can just ask."

"Moder, that... well, what if he says don't worry about it."

"My dads says that a lot to me." Skar sat with a bowl of curry chewing happily.

Moder huffed writing a spell she found in the scantum library, "Uliss, you can ask."

"Maybe, I am nervous."

Kurt poofed back with his own snack chewing idly on an orange slice, "She is right Uliss."

The kids sat in a small group trying to figure out how to ask. This conversation happened frequent enough that they walked in to where they knew he would be, only to stare and scream, "YOUR ARM IS GONE!"

Bucky stared at the four kids freaking out pointing at the missing limb. Earlier, years earlier he would run to hide quickly. The ease over the years made dealing with his missing appendage turned metallic easier. Even seeing their reactions was a little amusing. Over Skar frantic screaming. Moder's eyes glowing asking what happened. Kurt shook Uliss panicking. Uliss eyes stuck on the missing part. A part his son was so used to seeing.

"So... I guess you are all curious?"

That got them all to calm down with quick nods, Uliss going to reach for the cap over his shoulder part, Uliss fingers curling up, "It is fine Uliss," He lifted his son up to touch the cap. The red-eyed child touched it, a nervous gulp from him.

"Dad... what happened to your arm? We thought you always had a metal arm... but you can remove it... Why does Pop call you the Winter and Ghost Story.... but he sounds sad sometimes?"

Bucky helped the kids get snacks, talking about his time growing up with his real arm. How he got the Ghost Story nickname first. How that changed to his more infamous nickname. One he was happy that gets relegated back on the nickname list. He doesn't mind winter.

"Mean people, very dangerous and mean people, gave me an arm that hurt a lot. So much so, I think I forced the pain away." Bucky rubbed at his shoulder, the dull aches were always present if he thinks about it too long. He can feel the rigid scars along his back and around his shoulder and chest, "They made me do things, I will never be able to change or fix. Make better."

Moder's eyes flickered with unread emotions. Skar frowned brows furrowing on his young face; he raised his hand. Kurt toying with his tail. Uliss frowned, eyes dulling as he thought about the words. "But, why...? You didn't do it?"

"Would you want to change it?" Uliss asked.

Bucky thought about both questions, and looked at the kids in the eyes, "No, I wouldn't change what happened. I can't but I wouldn't. I wouldn't have Uliss. I wouldn't be your pop," Bucky smiled faintly at Uliss. "It is something I have to learn everyday that it wasn't my fault, even though it feels like it." He rubbed at his left side of his body, mind supplying with memories, "Just know, I don't mind telling you things." Bucky smiled, seeing Tony leaning against the door. The kids' voices start to climb about new nicknames. Uliss hugged him as he agreed with all of them. The Hero of Metal. The Real Iron Man.

Bucky smiled over Uliss's head, Tony walking in, "Alright, kiddos of anarchy, head out. I think Carol is back from space." They both watched the gaggle of children rush out. Words of excitement. Uliss stopping at the door, making a circle on his chest before running out.

"The Real Iron Man?" Tony grinned.

Bucky shrugged but smiled, "I like it."

(I was going to get crazy with it. I think it would be something like this. A bit more flesh out when I get around here, eventually. Hopefully :') )

#tony stark #bucky barnes #winteriron #ultron #Ultron is their kid #Ultron Stark Barnes #moder #Moder Strange #kurt wagner #kid kurt wagner #Skar #thank you for the ask! #open for asks #sorry i got all extra #Bucky deserves all the nice nicknames #The next stories would be to embarrass Steve to the fullest

[trashywormeateroffics]

The right universe.

Summary: After Y/N's life turns upside down, she's full of grief. Somehow, one day, she manages to travel to the MCU, where she meets her favorite characters, including a certain god who seems willing to establish a friendship with her. Suddenly she's enwrapped in this new world, where everything she loved in a screen is now reality. How will she react? Will she be able to deal with the ghosts that haunt her? Or will she let them consume her? Will she be open to accept the love she is offered? Read to find out!

Read this on AO3!

Category: F/M.

Relationships: Loki/reader.

Characters: Wanda Maximoff, Pietro Maximoff, Sam Wilson (Marvel), James “Bucky” Barnes, Vision (Marvel), Tony Stark, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Stephen Strange, Nick Fury, Maria Hill, Bruce Banner, Thor (Marvel), Clint Barton, Steve Rogers, Peter Parker, other minor appearances of other characters but these are the main ones, Pepper Potts, Loki (Marvel).

Additional tags: Loki/reader - Freeform, Avenger Loki (Marvel), Loki & Tony Stark Friendship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Fluffyfest, Slow Burn, Friends to lovers, Mutual Pining, Pining a lot because we love to suffer, Domestic Avengers, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark is a parental figure, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Everyone is a good bro, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, y/n, After Infinity War but no one died and the purple bitch was defeated, Missions, Y/N is a universe traveler, Grief, Therapy, Protective Loki (Marvel), Loki in love.

MASTERLIST OF THE STORY

Chapter 53: Liar, liar, pants on fire.

“Fine, let’s do it.”

The three of them stood around the cauldron.

“Y/N, hang on to it.”

She did as told, remembering the first time she came here, when she found out about her powers. Then Strange got closer to it, as Natasha stood on his side.

Pouring both bottles of blood into the cauldron, he muttered the words he had muttered years ago.

“Ahenum mundi ostendit veritatem. We summon Freyja, goddess of knowledge, wisdom and courage. The völva’s children need guidance.”

A few minutes passed and nothing happened.

“Is this supposed to take so long?” Natasha asked the sorcerer. Then, suddenly, an explosion of colors came out of the Cauldron of the Cosmos. White, green, purple, gold. Then, a figure began forming out of all the colors, a woman. Long black hair and her eyes were completely black too.

“Astrid,” her voice boomed in the sanctum.

“Freyja,” Y/N said. “We need your help.”

“How wondrous to see you, my child. I see you have built a beautiful life here.”

“You… see me?” She asked, tilting her head to the side.

“I see everything, my darling.”

“Did you see me before? In the other universe?” Freyja smiled.

“Yes, I did.”

“You didn't do anything.” Y/N told her, on the verge of getting angry.

“I could not. The prophecy-”

“The prophecy didn’t force you to abandon your child! That's on you.” She argued.

“My love, my dear Astrid, I have never felt more pain than when I had to part ways from you.” The floating woman said, voice laced with pain and sorrow. “My daughter, you have grown into a strong and beautiful woman.”

Y/N swallowed harshly and then pursed her lips.

“Freyja… mother, we need your help. It's about Sigyn.”

“Ah, I knew this day would come.”

“What does the prophecy say?”

“You know it, I told it to you.”

“The völva will leave a child on a foreign land, for them to be the communicator. I know but… what is the full prophecy?”

“My love, close your eyes.” Y/N did as told without arguing. “Try to remember. Listen to my voice and let it guide you.”

At first she couldn't see or hear anything, but then she heard it.

“Hello my baby, you are so beautiful.” A woman's voice rang out. Freyja. “My little Astrid. My goddess of strength and wisdom.” The woman sighed. “I am terribly sorry for leaving you, I hope one day you will be able to forgive me... Do not cry, your mother loves you. You will be a hero, my love. The prophecy must come true.”

She was about to open her eyes and protest but then something else appeared. Images passing as fast as the flash of a camera filled her mind: her on a throne, being named the next völva. Then a war with… Sigyn? Yes! It was her sister. Images of them fighting flooded her mind and when they got to be too much she opened her eyes.

“What-”

“Astrid… you are meant to be the next völva, you were always meant to be the next völva, but Sigyn, my poor daughter, could never accept it.” She told Y/N. “One day I caught your sister trying to curse you… she denied it but I knew. You were not safe, so I had to put you in another universe to protect you… from her.” Freyja shook her head. “Or at least until she inevitably found you. And then I had to banish her.”

“She didn't… find me. I came here.” Y/N frowned.

“No, my darling, you did not.”

Everything hit her at once. She had done it. Sigyn was the reason for every single bad thing that happened in her life. All along, it was her.

“So she… she hurt them, didn't she?” Y/N asked, eyes full of tears. Freyja gave one nod.

“You must not forget, her greed got the best of her. She was not born like this, no one is.”

She shook her head frantically.

“No, no, no, no.” She kept repeating.

“Y/N,” Strange held up his hands in front of him, trying to calm her down. “Try to breathe!”

“No!” She shouted at him. “No! I- I need to leave.”

Then she let go of the cauldron and ran away, with one place in mind.

————————————

“You killed them, didn't you? Say it!” Y/N said as she grabbed Sigyn by her shirt.

“Y/N, calm down!” Steve tried to push her away but she used her magic to make him fall backwards.

From the sanctum, she went directly to the compound, where she found a few of the avengers lounging around with Sigyn. At the sight of her, she immediately went to attack.

“You killed them, you two-faced bitch!” Y/N screeched into her face.

Everyone was on alert, not knowing what was happening. Tony, without Y/N noticing, used his smartwatch to call Loki.

Right after he clicked the “OK” button, shattering glass was heard. Y/N, with her magic, had thrown Sigyn out the window and into the garden. She then flew down to meet her on the grass.

“Y/N, I do not know what you are talking about!” The Asgardian said, looking terrified.

“Oh, save it! I talked to Freyja, I know everything.”

At that, Sigyn's terrified face transformed itself into a smirking one.

“It did take you a while.”

From the distance, a car could be heard. Natasha.

“Y/N! Don't do something you'll regret.”

Y/N didn't even look at the redhead before blasting her sister with her magic. The Asgardian did the same after getting up, sending Y/N flying away.

The rest of the avengers gathered in the garden, including Loki.

“Y/N,” Loki tried to call to her calmly but she was too far gone.

“I'm going to kill you. I swear to you, if it's the last thing I'll ever do, I will kill you.” She said, with so much sincerity it made Sigyns blood run cold. But she hid it perfectly behind a malicious laugh.

“I remember their screams,” she said, “as I appeared in the middle of the road.”

Y/N began trembling from so much anger and tears began staining her cheeks.

“I remember their scared faces,” she continued, “their pleas.”

“Stop it!” Y/N shouted at her and flew over to her.

“Couldn't kill your brother there, I had to go to the hospital and pull the plug.” She told her, pouting mockingly.

Y/N screamed and blasted her so far away she landed on the edge of the woods, her back hitting a tree and hissing in pain.

Tony tried to come up to her but she blasted him away. Then she created a barrier, so they wouldn't be able to pass.

Walking slowly towards her, all the magic she could muster on her fingertips, she prepared herself as the avengers watched helplessly. But before it hit her, she disappeared into thin air, making the blast hit the tree instead and cutting it in half as the remaining part burned in flames.

“No!” Y/N shouted. “No, no, no, no.” She repeated as she looked at the place where her sister was mere seconds ago. “No!” An agonizing sob wrack through her body and she fell to her knees.

Suddenly the barrier went down and Loki ran to her.

"Y/N!” He said as he wrapped his arms around her.

“She killed them, Loki. She killed them.” She sobbed.

“Shh, my love. You are alright, you are alright.” He repeated as he casted a powerful spell to make her fall asleep.

——————————-

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock. What was that sound? Where was she? Where was Sigyn?

“Sigyn!” She exclaimed, sitting up quickly on her bed. Loki was startled by the sudden noise. “I need to find her!”

“Darling,” he said. She looked at him with wide eyes. “Breathe.”

“Where is she? How long have I been sleeping?” She asked frantically.

“She escaped, and you have been sleeping less than a day.”

“Loki…” She suddenly told him, face twisting in a pained expression. He rapidly went to wrap his arms around her.

“I know, my love. I know.”

“She killed my family…” She sobbed on his chest. “I thought she… I thought she was my family. I thought-”

“I know you did darling, but it is not your fault. You simply always see the best in every person.”

“But how could I have been so stupid?” She pulled away to look at him with tear filled eyes. “I let her into my family, into my home… I shared secrets with her.” She sniffled as he wiped her tears with his thumbs. “She knew how much it hurt me what happened to my family.”

“Listen to me.” He said with a firm tone. “You are not stupid. You could never be stupid, least of all for trusting someone who claimed to care about you, who showed you no sign of lying. You are kind, the kindest, and you trusted the wrong person, but you trusted so many right people.”

She tilted her head to the side, frowning while she thought.

“I did. I did. Trusting you was the best thing I've ever done in my life.” She told him and he smiled softly, then she pursed her lips to stop them from quivering. “I just… It makes me sad.”

“I understand that.”

“Of course you do.” She chuckled breathily. “Loki just… whatever happens now… please stay with me. I hate saying this but I'm gonna need you more than ever.”

“My love, I'm not going anywhere. Ever.”

#loki x reader #loki fanfiction #mcu x reader #loki odinson x reader #loki angst #loki fluff #loki smut #avengers fanfiction #mcu loki #loki friggason #mcu loki fanfiction #loki mcu #loki x you #loki x y/n #loki x yn

[autumntouched]

DILF Bradley hit me so hard for a minute, and I went way too deep into a domestic scene about pukey kids with my favorite throuple Phoenix/Hangman/Rooster. I’d say this is a WIP, but it’s closer to shelved so going ahead and sharing

Disclaimer: I don’t have kids so sorry if this isn’t an accurate portrayal of a sick day 😂

Sick

Once upon a time Bradley was a deep sleeper. If he didn’t need to wake up to his internal alarm clock, he could roll over and go back to sleep. But all that changed with two babies. He’s half awake as soon as he hears the door open. It looks like Jacq silhouetted in the hallway night light, but his eyes haven’t adjusted to the dark yet.

“Baby?”

It’s Jacq, and she’s crying. “Daddy, I don’t feel good.” She runs to the bed and struggles to pull herself up.

He’s fully awake now, trying to dislodge his arm from under Jake’s armpit and lift Jacq with the other when she shudders and burps, spraying hot, putrid liquid across the bed, him, and herself. Goddamnit.

“Daddy,” she wails, clinging to him as he finally pulls her into his lap. How is Jake sleeping through this? Bradley’s just barely holding in his gag reflex at the smell of half digested macaroni and cheese, fish sticks, and peas.

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” he soothes, rocking her and rubbing circles over her back one handed. Of all nights for him not to get dressed again after he and Jake made love. Which is probably why Jake is still passed out, worn out from the long week and making Bradley come harder than he has in a long time. “Daddy’s going to get you cleaned up.”

“I want Mommy,” Jacq sobs. “Where’s my Mommy?” His heart breaks in a thousand painful pieces. Natasha is in the middle of a three month deployment that hasn’t been easy on Jacq.

“I know, baby. I know. She misses you so much.” No longer caring about not waking Jake, Bradley roughly frees his other arm and climbs naked from the bed with Jacq wrapped around his torso. Her forehead is hot against his bare shoulder and lips when he kisses her tousled hair.

Once upon a time, he also would have been more concerned about having someone else’s bodily fluids smeared on his arms and chest. Bradley flips on the light to the master bathroom and starts running the water for her, making sure it isn’t too hot. “Does your tummy still hurt?” he checks.

Jacq nods pitifully and rubs her eyes, struggling to be her usual brave self. He puts a soothing hand to her cheek as he takes note of how flushed her little face is and the glassiness in her green eyes. Although that may just be a result of her tears.

He leans down and moves the trash can to the toilet so it’s within easier reach. “If you start to feel like you did when you threw up, tell Daddy so he can give you this.” Embarrassed, she buries her face in his shoulder and continues to cry.

Awkwardly, Bradley fishes a pair of gym shorts out of the hamper and manages to pull them on one handed while still holding Jacq. Having children has also improved his dexterity.

While they wait for the tub to fill, he paces the small space and quietly sings “You’re Welcome” from Moana to try to calm her down.

The bath is almost ready when Jacq goes suddenly quiet and tense. Bradley is barely able to get the trash can under his arm before she’s throwing up again. At least this time the mess is contained. He sways her on his hip as she spits the last strings of saliva over the rest of what was left in her stomach.

“That’s it baby girl,” he croons. “Get it all out for Daddy.”

He lowers the trash can back to the toilet to deal with later. Jacq grips his neck when he tries to put her down so he has to wriggle her out of her stained pajama shorts and top one handed, which of course ends up getting vomit in her hair.

“Come on, baby,” he coaxes. “The bath will make you feel better.” She finally lets him put her into the water, and he realizes all of her bath things are in the other bathroom. He can’t win.

On his knees, Bradley ties off the smelly bag and stashes the trash can across the room.

“Jake!” he calls. No response. He tries not to be annoyed, knowing that Natasha would be out of the bed and helping him if she were here. Jacq huddles at the back of the tub, her small knees pulled up tightly to her chest. He smoothes her hair out of her face. It’s as light as Jake’s was at her age but as thick as Natasha’s. An idea comes to him.

“Do you want to use Mommy’s big girl soap and shampoo?”

That gets him a tiny smile. He’ll take it. Normally, Jacq is a rowdy bather, splashing water everywhere and all over them, but she stays still while he washes her off. “Daddy? Can you sing to me?” she whispers. Like Jake, there’s nothing she hates more than feeling vulnerable.

He sings her favorite songs while he washes her hair and does his best to clean himself off with a washcloth. “Come on, beautiful,” he grunts as he lifts her out the tub and drains the nasty water. He’ll make Jake clean the tub in the morning.

“What the fuck!” Well, Jake is up now. “Babe!”

Bradley wraps Jacq in a towel and pops his head back into the bedroom. Jake is propped up on an arm in bed, blinking in disgusted confusion at their covers. As soon as he notices Jacq in Bradley’s arms, his face softens some. “You okay, pickle?”

Jacq shrinks into Bradley’s hold. He rubs her back. “She’s not feeling well, but we’re getting her cleaned up. Can you go check on Nicky?”

“I’m sorry, Poppy,” she says, voice trembling.

Bradley shoots Jake a glare for upsetting Jacq after he’s worked so hard to calm her down. “Don’t worry, baby. Poppy knows it was an accident.”

Realizing how unhelpful he’s being, Jake nods quickly. “It happens to all of us, sweetheart. Poppy was just surprised.” He starts to throw back the covers then realizes he’s naked. Bradley rolls his eyes and closes the door to the bathroom so Jake can get up and make himself useful.

Bradley’s carrying Jacq back to her room when Jake swears loudly. “It’s okay, kiwi. Poppy’s got this. Why didn’t you come get us?”

Fearing the worst, Bradley looks into Nicky’s room. Jake steps around a puddle on the floor to lift their sobbing son into his arms.

“Nicky!” Jacq wails, reaching for her brother. Bradley pulls her back.

“Him too?” Bradley sighs.

“All over the bed,” Jake groans, cradling Nicky to his bare chest. “We’re probably out of pedialyte?”

“Sash usually keeps some in the pantry.” Thankfully, Bradley’s right about that and pours two sippy cups, one for each of the twins. “Drink slow, baby,” he warns when Jacq tries to chug hers.

Bradley puts on her pajamas and settles her in bed. She wants to sleep with her dragon plush, but he’d rather not have to try to clean her favorite stuffed animal if she gets sick on it. He pulls out the blanket she loved as a baby instead. As soon as she’s drifting off to sleep, he double checks to make sure her fever hasn’t gone up before he leaves her to clean up Nicky’s room.

Once Nicky’s had a bath, Jake puts him in Jacq’s bed for the time being and comes to help. Two hours later, they’ve done their best to clean up their bed and Nicky’s room. The sheets are in the wash machine while their duvet soaks in the laundry room sink.

They move the twins to their room, making a little nest in the bed that should hopefully make it easier to clean up if there’s another accident. Bradley puts two trash cans on his nightstand just in case. Jacq insists on sleeping in his arms, and he dozes off stroking her wet hair.

He wakes to Jake retching in the bathroom and groans.

Bradley calls Payback to cancel the play date Jacq and Nicky were supposed to have with Cameron and Ruby. His wife Nora offers to come over to help out, but Bradley would rather they not catch whatever is going around in his house.

He brings a Gatorade to Jake who’s still on the bathroom floor, head leaned against the cool, porcelain tub with Nicky under one arm.

“Thanks, Pecan,” he rasps. Bradley drops a kiss on the top of his head and takes Nicky with him, closing the door to give Jake some privacy.

“Daddy, my tummy hurts,” Nicky whines, clinging to his neck. “Can you kiss it?”

Even though it’s not a booboo he can kiss away, Bradley obliges when he puts Nicky back to bed.

“I don’t think that worked,” Nicky says sadly, and Bradley kisses his belly over and over until he gets a weak little giggle. Not to be left out, Jacq showers her brother’s forehead with kisses, matching Bradley’s pace. Since the twins are in the same pukey boat, Bradley enjoys the sweet moment with them instead of warning her away.

Gently, he sweeps his baby boy’s damp bangs off his forehead.

“Is Poppy sick too,” Jacq asks, reaching for Bradley. He lifts his her into his arms. She’s become so independent these days he doesn’t realize how much he’s missed her wanting to be held and cuddled.

“Yes, dimple.” He touches her forehead with the back of his hand and decides it’s time for a temperature check. Bradley frowns when he sees the thermometer.

While he’s on the phone with the twins’ pediatrician, Nicky throws up again. Never in his pre-child life did Bradley think he’d be willing to catch someone’s vomit in his hand, but here he is. Their doctor tells him to keep an eye on their fevers but not to worry about bringing them in just yet.

Bradley cleans his hand then strips the twins down to their underwear. The laundry is backed up enough as it is. Jacq at least makes it to the sink to throw up this time. He pours each of them a fresh sippy cup of pedialyte.

He has to call Payback back. “D’you think you could do a shopping run?”

“Nora left the minute you hung up. She should be at your place any minute.”

“You married an angel,” Bradley sighs.

“Tell me about it. Hang in there, man.”

Nora does arrive and despite his warnings, marches into the house. “I’m a doctor, Rooster. I’ve been around worse.”

Because the twins won’t let go of him, she snaps on gloves and does the rest of the dirty laundry. Then new gloves and the dishes are done. While he coaxes a few teaspoons of the broth she makes into Jacq and Nicky, she goes to check on Jake with some broth for him.

Nora does a much more thorough job of cleaning Nicky’s room so that it no longer smells. By the time she leaves, the house is sparkling.

“We owe you,” he thanks her, walking her to the door with Nicky and Jacq still on each of his hips.

“You don’t owe me anything,” she waves him off. She touches each twin’s cheek. “Feel better, my little peas.”

“Bye, Auntie Nora,” Jacq waves. Nicky just sticks his thumb in his mouth.

Bradley walks the twins back to his bedroom. “Daddy needs to take care of Poppy for a little. Can you watch a movie?”

“I want the bootball movie,” Nicky says around his thumb. Just as Bradley brings up Remember the Titans on his iPad, a FaceTime from Natasha comes through. He accepts.

“Mommy!” Jacq screams and grabs the tablet for herself.

“Oh my poor little bee! How are you feeling?”

“Nicky threw up,” Jacq announces, as if she’s had no part in the chaos. “He’s not feeling good.”

Jake retches in the bathroom.

“Poppy is sick too. But not my Daddy.”

Letting Natasha keep the twins occupied, Bradley goes into the bathroom. He sits on the ledge of the bathtub, legs spread so Jake can curl up between his thighs. Tenderly, he runs his fingers through his husband’s hair.

“I’m sorry I ditched you, babe.”

Jake closes his eyes and shakes his head. “You know how freaking sexy you look carrying around two kids with those big arms of yours?”

“About as sexy as you do right now,” Bradley laughs, running his thumb and forefinger along the shell of Jake’s ear the way he knows he likes.

“I feel awful,” Jake protests.

“Can I get you anything?”

“Is that Birdy talking to the kids?”

“Yeah. Jacq’s been crying for her.”

Jake pulls himself back to the toilet. “Get back to the kids. I’ll be—.” His words end as he gets sick again. Bradley rubs his back through it.

Natasha’s gone when he comes back, but Jacq looks happier than she has in a few days. He climbs in bed with the twins and curls his arms around them before turning on Remember the Titans.

A text pops on his phone. I’m sorry I’m not there Roo. Thanks for taking care of everyone. Love you sm

He texts back. We miss you. And I love you back

Jacq curls up against his side. Her hair is a nest. He does his best to smooth it down, carefully working through the tangles while Coach Boone puts his new team through their paces. Nicky rests his cheek over Bradley’s heart while he watches. In the brief moment of quiet, Bradley drifts off to sleep.

He’s covered in only one toddler when he wakes up. Nicky’s thumb has fallen out his mouth and rests damply on Bradley’s shirt. Frantically, he looks around for Jacq until he hears her in the bathroom.

“Poppy, is my poop okay?”

“Yes, pickle,” Jake murmurs. “We have to be quiet, though, while Daddy and Nicky are sleeping.”

#TGM fic #Phoenix x rooster x hangman #dilf rooster #dilf Bradley #wip wednesday

[themculibrary]

Clint And Laura (Claura) Masterlist 2

part one

blow a kiss ; fire a gun (ao3) - daredoll M, 12k

Summary: First day on the job and she gets handed a train wreck; you could say that Laura Mitchell’s hard work hasn’t exactly paid off in the way she expected it to. Still, she’s read the SHIELD handbook at least eight times by now so she’s sure she can more than handle some upstart carnie with a bow kink who somehow managed to beat her training score without even going through the academy.

Spoiler Alert: she’s wrong.

Distraction (ao3) - woamx G, 875

Summary: Clint gets a phone call right before having to go out on the field with his teammates.

Five Years in a Blink (ao3) - Gnb_rules M, 3k

Summary: Laura knows the world has changed in the past five years, and in the days after she and the kids return from The Blip, she realizes that she needs to learn how much of her husband has changed as well. Clint/Laura, post Endgame. Mentions of a very loving and deep but platonic Clintasha friendship. Please see tags for more info/warnings.

here is my hand that will not harm you (ao3) - andibeth82 T, 18k

Summary: It starts the day they assign him to Laura Morse.

It starts as something he wants nothing to do with.

And then, it becomes something more.

I'm Not Going Anywhere (ao3) - aberrations_reality T, 3k

Summary: They swore they were going to take it slow. They did. They really did. But Clint has always been terrible at planning; has always had the worst timing. At this point it was probably a curse. So it only made sense that the second he pulled out the ring the window shattered in a spray of bullets and glass.

Never far from home (ao3) - RedBatons T, 112k

Summary: Clint is crazy. Laura already knew this. But this time, Clint was seriously out of his mind crazy. He had one job, to kill the deadliest assassin known to man. And then he decides to keep her like a lost puppy found on the streets. But Laura trusts Clint. The Black Widow, not so much. A story about Laura and Nat's friendship over the years.

One thing, and three people that Laura loves (a non exclusive list) (ao3) - Maia_saura G, 1k

Summary: Laura loved math. She had loved math since the second grade. Other than an intense but ill-advised fling with theoretical physics right before the start of her graduate program, she and math had shared a rewarding and monogamous relationship.

Reconnecting (The Reclamation Remix) (ao3) - Huntress79 M, 2k

Summary: Sometimes, Laura thinks she has two babies instead of just one - her husband’s lingering trauma from his latest mission makes life at the farm not exactly easier, for no one. Until one night, it does. Or: how Clint and Laura overcome trauma and reconnect with each other.

she sees better from a distance (ao3) - andibeth82 T, 8k

Summary: This is the story everyone knows: Clint Barton is SHIELD’s best sniper. Laura Barton is the simple girl who fell into his life and learned to deal with aliens and spies; with secrets and firearms and security.

In this story, Laura Martinelli is SHIELD’s best sniper. Clint Barton is the man she falls in love with, and he’s never even heard of SHIELD.

Sleep Number Rule (ao3) - RecessiveJean T, 7k

Summary: Farm or not, Clint always had a firm policy against bringing home strays.

Well.

Firm ish.

The Ghost of Christmas Past (ao3) - mitchpell T, 28k

Summary: Clint takes his children to New York City to see Rogers: The Musical.

The Girl at the Circus (ao3) - Hogwartswonderland N/R, 3k

Summary: At the beginning of their partnership, Clint told Natasha a story of a beautiful acrobat nicknamed Rapunzel and how he fell in love with her. Five years later Natasha still doesn't know how the story ends. Well, until now. Otherwise the story of how Natasha met Clint's family for the first time.

This little light (ao3) - Builder G, 1k

Summary: “Daaaad!”

The complaint has Clint turning on his heel.  “What now?”

He looks at the coffee pot still in his hand and wonders what the fuck he did with his mug.  And more urgently, how the fuck is he going to get the coffee into his body without it.

we belong to those who live (ao3) - daughterofrohan G, 2k

Summary: The absurdity of the fact that he’s crying in his kitchen with the assassin sister of his dead assassin best friend who was hired to kill him and has only just recently decided not to do it after all almost makes Clint laugh.

You're Here Where You Should Be (ao3) - paperairplanesopenwindows T, 1k

Summary: Summary/Prompt Used: Natasha’s first Christmas with the Bartons + Clint and Laura’s first Christmas with Cooper doesn’t go exactly as planned + (an itty bitty little bit of) If love is for children, then so is Christmas. Clint’s determined to convince Natasha otherwise.

you were more than just a short time (ao3) - mayadrinkswater G, 2k

Summary: laura barton is all-too-familiar with the antics of her husband and his best friend. they always, even in the most serious and near-fatal of missions, come back with a good story. they've perfected their ability to recall them, too, in a near perfect push-and-pull that almost seems rehearsed even though laura knows that it isn't. laura never expected to miss it so much.

or

three times clint and natasha bring a good story home and the one time clint brings a new stray home in the form of kate bishop

#themculibrary #marvel #mcu #masterlists #clint barton #laura barton #claura #claura masterlist #f/m

[as8bakwthesage]

How the Exploration of Wanda’s Grief in “Multiverse of Madness” Sucks Compared to “Wandavision”

So, Wanda is a character who has gotten a lot of flack recently and not exactly for the wrong reasons. The most recent addition to the MCU’s huge roster of movies “Doctor Strange; Multiverse of Madness” has caused a lot of opinions to be shared about it. It’s reception by fans has been varied. And a lot of people were utterly disappointed by Wanda’s role in the story.

Spoilers for “Avengers; Age of Ultron”, “Avengers; Infinity War/Endgame”, “Wandavision” and “Multiverse of Madness”.

Wanda Maximoff was first introduced in “Avengers; Age of Ultron” as the secondary antagonist alongside her brother Pietro Maximoff. She and Pietro were assisting Ultron with what they thought was simply destroying the Avengers themselves. Upon learning that Ultron was planning to yeet us all into oblivion, she and her brother ran to help the Avengers in a ‘your enemy is my enemy’ kind of deal. They do manage to defeat Ultron but at the cost of Pietro’s life, the only family Wanda had left. Earlier in the film, it was established that Wanda and Pietro hated Tony Stark specifically because of the weapons he created which killed their parents when they were 10 years old.

So now, Wanda is truly and utterly alone in the world, but she begins to gain a new family in the Avengers, and a friend in the newly created Vision in “Civil War”. And in “Infinity War”, Wanda and Vision are dating and are happy together. Vision is Wanda’s only family, the only person she allowed herself to be close to. But worse comes to worse when she is forced to kill Vision by removing and then destroying the Mind Stone to prevent Thanos from acquiring it for his Infinity Gauntlet. However, right after she does all this, Thanos undos it using the Time Stone and reverses time to when the Mind Stone was intact and on Vision’s head. And then Thanos removes the Stone from Vision’s forehead and kills him before snapping his fingers and killing half the population in the universe.

At this point, Wanda had to kill her own lover and then watched him get resurrected only to be murdered right before her eyes. After Thanos snapped her out of existence, 5 years go by. And then we get to the very end of “Endgame” where Wanda is revived and kicks ass, but she is decidedly without anyone. The Avengers end up grieving for the loss of Tony Stark and Natasha Romanoff, but Wanda has nobody.

And that’s where the events of “Wandavision” come into play, where Wanda, through all the traumatic stuff she’s been through, creates a fantasy world where Vision has been revived using the town of Westview as the basis which is referred to as the Hex. The entire point of the show was to demonstrate just how utterly Wanda has removed herself from reality because it is too painful as a result of her grief and trauma. The show has an interesting thing it does where every episode is shot and acted like an episode from a sitcom from different time periods. (Episode 1 is “set” in a 1950s sitcom, Episode 2 is in 1960s, Episode 3 in 1970, all the way up to present day sitcoms.) And every time Wanda experiences something that could break her illusions and fantasy, she creates a new setting within the Hex.

The show does a fantastic job at exploring the nature of grief, of trauma, and how unhealthily Wanda copes with said trauma and grief. Until the very end, where she removes the Hex and as a result, loses her children which she created in this false reality and Vision once more. But it’s also a moment of growth from Wanda as she realises that she needs to move on because well, she removed the Hex. She did so of her own free will, so she knew what was coming. She doesn’t try to stop it, because she knows its inevitable. It’s a beautiful and heartbreaking moment when Wanda realises that she’s in fact, losing her husband and her children but she accepts it. “Wandavision” was about the exploration of grief and the stages of grief. And while it still hurts for Wanda tremendously, and she will be in pain for a while, she can move on slowly but surely. That’s a good and healthy message.

And then “Multiverse of Madness” took a whole shit all over it and pissed napalm.

Immediately where “Multiverse of Madness” loses me is in the portrayal of Wanda. Her arc about moving past her denial and allowing herself to heal? Let’s get rid of it and make her experience it all over again! And then let’s kill her off! Yeah, fans of Wanda definitely won’t be pissed and frustrated that one of the only female characters who got a very good mini-series that explored her trauma in a positive and healthy way was then reduced to the villain bat.

Wanda Maximoff is the villain of “Multiverse of Madness” and we get to see her in full supervillain mode. She wants to kill a child in order to get her powers to travel across the multiverse so she can be with her children in another universe where they do in fact exist. Her motivations are fine and honestly, I would be fine with her exerting as much power as she does in this movie to do so, and we have seen she is not above killing people to achieve her ends, but the problem comes in when we remember that Wanda doing crazy shit to deal with her grief already happened – in “Wandavision”. The entire point of “Wandavision” was to show Wanda letting go and healing, not repeating it again and going full crazy. It’s implied that the book she was studying from where she learned about alternate universes (the Dark Hold) corrupted her, but it’s still extremely redundant and weird to have her repeat her character arc, and in a much less healthy manner as well.

And then we get to the part where Professor X goes into Wanda’s mind during the film to try and convince her to stop. And it turns out, the Scarlet Witch (the title given to Wanda due to her having incredible magical capabilities unlike any ordinary witch) is a separate personality from Wanda and the Scarlet Witch is the reason she is going crazy. But this was never established in “Wandavision” whatsoever. Wanda was never shown struggling with a different alter regarding her own issues, so the whole “split personality” thing read to me both as ableist and demonizing Wanda as a trauma survivor.

And then the Scarlet Witch is confronted with a different universe Wanda and her children. The children are terrified of her and at this point the Scarlet Witch/Wanda realises the error of her ways and destroys the Dark Hold across all universes which doesn’t make sense as how could the original Dark Hold in the MCU universe getting destroyed destroy all others in different universes? Was it the original? I fail to see how Wanda manages to do that when she previously could not interact with other universes unless she possesses herself in those different realities, which she can’t do all at once.

It really feels like the writers wanted to make Wanda a villain and have her do all these crazy yet cool things, but because Wanda in the MCU was never intended to be a villain, she needed to be twisted and contorted into a role not suited for her. In “Wandavision”, Wanda destroys the Hex because she sees how its hurting people, a whole town. She doesn’t want to cause suffering like she’s been through. However, all of the sudden she’s cool with killing a child to potentially be reunited with her kids in a different universe? It’s contradicting everything that happened in “Wandavision” and erasing it, despite being a direct sequel to it.

But there’s another part of me, and a lot of other people, who see Wanda lashing out and being upset and see it as a proper “girlboss” moment. Where she isn’t afraid of taking what she wants and doing what she pleases. Elizabeth Olsen’s acting is top notch and she does such a good job portraying an evil Wanda and a mother hopelessly grieving her children, but despite that I still feel like “Multiverse of Madness” does a disservice to Wanda’s characterization. And then they straight up kill her off at the end. I was sitting in the theatre wondering if they were pulling my leg on Wanda dying, but no, they did indeed straight up kill her off. I’m assuming if they wanna use Wanda as a character, she’s gonna come from another universe, but it won’t be the same Wanda be know and love.

“Multiverse of Madness” is not a perfect movie, and overall, I enjoyed it. But the bastardization of Wanda’s character just throws me off a lot. I have other criticisms of the movie itself, but maybe I will talk about those in a different essay. Wanda is a character I love and want more of, but not like this please.

#wandavision #multiverse of madness #doctor strange #wanda maximoff #pietro maximoff #the scarlet witch #avengers #mcu #in this essay i will #essay

[lisiya-gori]

(from @sxnyarostova​ on this post. thank you for giving me an excuse to talk about this!)

so, we all agree that sonya and boris are narrative foils, right. this much is obvious. two children who grow up on the periphery of the rostov family, in it but never really of it. neither of them ever able to forget this fact. sonya is natasha’s best friend growing up, and boris is nikolai’s. sonya has an innocent little incestuous childhood romance with nikolai, and boris (remember!) has one with natasha. nikolai and natasha can act like they don’t notice their friends’/crushes’ lack of financial and social stability, but boris and sonya have to notice. it’s the defining fact of both of their lives. I don’t think tolstoy meant to do this but the fact that we never get either of their full names has always felt important to me. it signifies that lack of stability, the fact that they’re not completely established or accepted in the society of the novel

ok, so they start off in the same place, but then their paths diverge rapidly. again, narrative foils. @alleyskywalker wrote me a whole yuletide request about this back in, I want to say 2017? and I wrote this a couple years ago, which touches on it. boris leaves, sonya stays. sonya devotes herself to the rostovs, boris devotes himself to the grind. I feel like you can even say something here about their respective involvement with hélène and dolokhov? it would work better if it were anatole, but still—

anyway. boris has a last name. he has a living parent, even (whose patronymic we do know). he grows up enmeshed in the rostov family, but he also has his own, separate identity that exists outside it. boris is a boy, and he has a mom who’s willing to work vasily kuragin for his benefit, so boris gets to have a career. that career is what really takes him away from the rostov family circle, and the more he advances in it, the greater that distance grows. boris doesn’t have a dad. presumably he had one at one point, but we never hear about it and nobody seems to care. boris isn’t living up to anyone’s legacy. he’s not in line to take over anyone’s estate or fortune, and he doesn’t have to deal with anyone else’s baggage. he’s as self-made as you can be in an aristocratic society. he’s anna mikhailovna’s son, and his own creation. 

sonya has a dad. he’s dead now, but we know he existed, and we know his name. sonya has parents who aren’t count and countess rostov, and no matter how much she wants to be part of the rostov family, she can’t get around this. she calls the countess maman, but she also says things like “if I were maman’s daughter.” it doesn’t really matter who alexander is or was; the only relevant thing about sonya’s “alexandrovna” is that it isn’t “ilyinichna.” sonya is a girl, so if she wants to escape the rostovs she has to do it through marriage. but who does sonya want to marry? the one guy who will allow her to tie herself to the rostovs forever. sonya doesn’t have a last name. people assume it’s rostova, even though there’s no actual indication that it is, and isn’t that sort of typical of her whole situation? she can never fully be a part of the rostov family, but she also can’t envision any kind of life outside it. she ends up permanently stuck in this sort of halfway position, a not-quite daughter, a not-quite sister, and eventually a not-quite wife and mother. 

so there you go: sonya has a patronymic but no last name, and boris has a last name but no patronymic, and you can absolutely read that as symbolic if you try hard enough

#war and peace #boris drubetskoy #sonya rostova #even I use this tag on this post! #what else are you supposed to call her?

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Books I’ve read so far in 2023!

Friend me on Goodreads here to follow my more up to date reading journey for the year!

This is going to be just ONE review because of the length.

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212. Wild Tongues Can't Be Tamed by Various--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

My biggest regret with this collection of essays is that I didn't read it earlier (I have an ARC that the publisher kindly sent me back in 2021...oops). I listened to the audiobook, so I had the pleasure of hearing each author read out their essays or poem and it was ✨magical✨.

Before I start reviewing each essay (because they all offered their own message and importance), I want to say that very few audiobooks have held me as captive as this one. I remember sitting very still while listening to one of my favourites and just...living in it. It was so beautiful. As a Latina, so much resonated with me!

Long review up ahead. I ran out of characters LOL.

Essay breakdowns and reviews:

1. Eres Un Pocho by Mark Oshiro

I will admit that when I started listening to this I wasn't fully invested in the book yet. I didn't know how much I would relate, or be impacted by the essays. So, some of the beginning is lost in the ether for me, BUT Oshiro was also the one that really got me into this book with their commentary on the stereotypes that the Latine community may encounter (especially in North American countries and sometimes even in the countries that are meant to be our home countries.) Oshiro had to relearn their identity as a child and even into their adult years. This reminded me a lot of families who have immigrated with children and in order to "fully incorporate" into their new home, they sometimes let their kids forget a language or the culture they come from. I related to this a bit because I was almost one of those kids, but thankfully my parents walked back this notion that in order to belong, you had to erase your "otherness". The bullying, racism, and stereotypes of what a "proper" Latine or Hispanic person should look like, sound like, or act like can wreak havoc on a child whose identity isn't as clear as society would prefer.

2. The Price of Admission by Naima Coster

I didn't connect with this one as much, however, it does deal with a very real issue in today's world with immigrants: the devastating reality of families separated by Government laws and how the stereotype of "one of the good ones" can easily be applied to Latine & Hispanic people as well--especially when it comes to who has a fighting chance at not being deported, and who just doesn't seem to offer enough for the country to not deport them.

3. Caution Song by Natasha Diaz

This one was a poem (song?) and it was a powerful depiction of stereotypes, assumptions, and expectations. One of my favourite lines from it are at the very end: "Because if you call me spicy/you should expect me to bite your tongue". Bam.

4. The Mark of a Good Man by Meg Medina

This was one of the pieces I related to the most because it was a Cuban experience essay. It dealt with the struggle of getting your family out of a birth country that makes it very, very difficult to live. It's about chasing the dream of a better life in a world unknown and taking that risk because anything has to be better than the hell you might be experiencing in your birth country.

It tackles the difficult and often-times heartbreaking familial relationships that can shape us and how they can leave us less than put together when those people leave or die. It also explores the complex gender stereotypes and norms found in Cuban communities. One of the quotes is "If only we had our men, life would be easier" and it reminded me so much of the times where I was reprimanded as a teen for doing something a man should have done for me. Finally, one of the topics that isn't explored enough in books but is brought up here is that of how many men immigrate for or with their wives or girlfriends, only to turn around and either immigrate to another country with a different partner, or find themselves a new partner in the new country (in their misguided and asshole search of the better life/dream.) I've seen this so many times and it is also a warning for any woman who falls in love with a Cuban man. I'm not saying all Cuban men are like this, but I've seen my fair share of it happening that I think it's worth mentioning in books like this one.

5. #Julian4spiderman by Julian Randall

My absolute favourite essay from the collection. It had me completely hooked and I couldn't pull myself away. The approach of using Miles Morales as a sort of template for this essay was genius. He's always been my favourite Spidey, so it was a nice surprise! It was such a powerful essay and I think it'll resonate with a lot of young Black Latine readers.

From the mention of having to correct others on how to pronounce a name (very relatable), to the fact that a teacher had Randall argue in favour of Slavery (which is fucked up), this essay had so much meaning and heart. It also had a lot of punching quotes, like "[A]merica taught us we were invisible, and the only way for the invisible to punish those who refuse to see us is to first punish ourselves", or "Afro-Latinx life is this in so many ways, to be taught that you are dangerous, and shameful and difficult to imagine." We read about the love of a father for their child, like Miles Morales's own father, and what it means to be a mixed-race Latine person whose identity is constantly questioned, despite the fact that characters like Miles never question who they are, even though if he were real, he sure as hell would be. It was a powerful essay and it left me thinking long after it was over. It was also the essay that made me want to digest the rest of the book even more.

6. Half In, Half Out: Orbiting a World Full of People of Color by Saraciea J. Fennell

I'm always intrigued when I hear stories of a Latine Indigenous person, mainly because as a Cuban, we don't have many of those stories. As my mom tells it, many if not all of Cuba's indigenous citizens were murdered during the creation of Cuba as a country. So, seeing these stories is always eye-opening and makes me wish we still had that in my country. Fennell speaks of her experience as a child taken into the foster system and put into a home with a white couple, as a result she and her sister were out in a school full of white children. Being able to see the difference between yourself and the rest of your classmates is an interesting sort of hell--you love your culture and the way that you look, but you also question it because you know it makes you different from the rest of them.

Fennell dealt with familial abandonment, finding solace in a friendship with one of the other Black girls in her classroom, and (relatable) the reality of being confused for her friends because they shared a skin colour. The amount of times I've had to tell people that I know I look like someone they know, but as Fennell writes "[N]ow that I'm older, I know that it was just white people confusing us." The final topic I'll touch on from this essay was how Fennell explores the racism that causes such a disconnection for a person from their identity. If a child looks "too white" or "too Black", they might not fit a white person's perception of what their ethnicity "should" be. I'll end with this particular quote: "The way Western culture, and, especially, American culture, shames us for being non-white is heartbreaking" and this quote is relating to the things non-white people do to make their appearance more palatable for white people (i.e. the styling of hair).

7. Haitian Sensation by Ibi Zoboi

One of the definite themes explored in this collection is that of stereotypes and how damaging they can be. Zoboi's essay is the embodiment of that and the dangers of how the proximity to whiteness can affect the way one views themselves, or others around them. I will admit, I'm not the biggest fan of Zoboi--her fictional writing doesn't resonate as much with me. BUT this isn't to say that her essay isn't powerful.

When speaking on how American culture can sometimes override a person's identity, she comments that "[It] didn't last, of course, because identity has a way of calling you back to your true self," and honestly, I found this to be incredibly important, especially for any reader who might be torn between the identity offered to them in their society and the one they have forged from family, culture, and language. There is, of course more important quotes found sprinkled in her essay, especially ones touching on the topic of being Afro-Latine (which I have seen people actively deny this identity on celebrities that are both Black and Latine--they argue this term like they're on a political grand stage, finding fun in debating someone's identity so it fits their idea of what a group(s) of people should look like) but I will end my review of her essay with this quote I loved: "I am proud to be a part of a movement that recognizes and honors the part of ourselves that colonialism tried so hard to eradicate."

8. The Land, The Ghosts, and Me by Cristina Arreola

This one had a theme worthy of the Halloween season. While Arreola explores the topic of literal ghosts and the power of lore and mysticism in Latine cultures, she also speaks on the loss of identity in a world obsessed with labelling humans in a certain way. As she states, "I wanted this ghost gone, yet I feared the void. Who was I without ghosts? They were an essential part of my being. They were the thing that made me feel whole and real and connected in some small way to the place that birthed me and made me who I am." An absolutely stunning quote and metaphoric exploration of identity and what it means to feel that ever-present threat of losing the thing that haunts those who don't fit certain societal expectations--especially when you carry a culture with you that is always under threat of being erased or forgotten.

Her final quote that I highlighted captured this notion wholly and while the essay is scary and probably the most metaphoric of all the essays in the collection, it holds a haunting power of its own: "My whole life, I've been trying on different versions of myself, haunted by the weight of the expectations of who I'm meant to be. How strange and wonderful it is, I think now, that the ghosts don't know who they are either. The ghosts are haunted, too." Simply gorgeous.

9. Paraiso Negro by Kahlil Haywood

Haywood starts his essay with an already powerful quote: "When people think about a Spanish speaker they don't necessarily rush to think about someone who looks like me." What follows is a recounting of something I myself experienced growing up--going back to my family's birth country (and my own), where I spent summers with my cousin and friends, both learning more about my culture, my family, and my first language. The misadventures, the way things change over time, and the unforgettable memories of a childhood spent somewhere other than Canada and the US was like a projector in my mind, showcasing images of a childhood never to be forgotten. As Haywood says about getting to have these experiences without realizing how we were privy to moments in history and lives forever changed, "It's something that you could easily take for granted as a kid."

Of all the stories, this one held the most nostalgia. This essay also spoke on the important topic of how diverse Latine cultures can be. I think, as the daughter of an interracial couple who had to argue that me being a mixed Latina IS an actual thing to another Latine person, that this topic is incredibly important. At one point, Haywood even mentions a situation he's been in when he's been forced to ask himself "How Latino am I? How Black am I?" This is something most Afro-Latine people may be asking themselves, especially when they live in a world that barely recognizes the term.

10. Cuban Impostor Syndrome by Zakiya N. Jamal

I found this essay interesting and such a great commentary on how Americans and Canadians handle the topic of being Latine and race. Being someone who has been back to Cuba many times since we immigrated to Canada when I was seven, I've been privy to seeing how Cubans treat diverse people. There is definitely racism--Cuba is an incredibly diverse country--but it reminds me of when I made a comment about what mixed people like me were called in Cuba to a Black American once and how offended she was. It is definitely a case of different cultures/countries=different perceptions of race.

With that being said, Jamal's experience as the Black granddaughter of a Cuban who didn't teach her children Spanish (a big part of Latine identity because not having the language might feel like you're missing a piece of yourself) is both heartbreaking and eye-opening. Her starting her essay by sharing an experience where one Cuban didn't fully internalize that she was saying she's Cuban sets the tone for the rest of her essay. She does not meet an expectation and it is devastating. Another example of the consequences of denying the identity a child seeks during their formative years is that her mom didn't even ask her if she wanted a quinceañera, which must have further thrown her off when she saw her Latine friends having their own fifteenth birthdays being celebrated.

But I think that while it is important to note that though "[f]rom a young age, my mom made sure I knew that Black was beautiful and that our culture and history were meant to be celebrated, always" it shows, yet again, the dichotomy of celebrating one aspect of a person over another, rather than letting them co-habit to form an identity. This is, along the stereotypes explored, one of the most consistent topics explored in this collection--that internal and societal power struggle between two warring identities. And this, of course, is the beautiful body of the "Cuban Impostor Syndrome" essay.

11. More than Nervios by Lilliam Rivera

Telling my Latina mother I have anxiety, or that she herself has anxious thoughts is like nails on a chalkboard. "Solamente estoy nerviosa!" Rivera's essay hits home with how much mental health is downplayed in Latine communities. As she says, "Depression is a word never uttered in my family. It simply doesn't exist." This is so incredibly dangerous, especially as the world changes and awareness grows.

Another quote, "America is built on the belief if you are a modern woman and you work hard enough, you can have it all," serves to show how much further North America pushes this narrative that if you have everything, there's no way you can be depressed. Not only is your mental health non-existent in many Latine families, the portrayal of hard work and achieving certain life "goals" is further proof that silly you, there's no way you're depressed.

This essay could be super triggering, so be ready for a very frank conversation about Rivera's mental health. But I think it's incredibly important, especially if you can relate to her and her familial experience. Her quote, "the cycle to present pain as weakness ends with me" when referencing her daughters and how open she will be with them about mental health, is something I hope comes to fruition. Rivera is presenting the breaking of a cycle that I'm hopeful future generations will adopt.

12. Alaiyo by Jasmine Mendez

Probably the most creative essay of all, Mendez's essay speaks of taking back the power in spaces that refuse to open up for Black, Indigenous, and Latine people. But throughout the essay, we see the reoccurring theme of others dictating the kind of space one can take up. One of the biggest and toughest pills to swallow is when you can read the racist levels in a comment, like in this quote: "'You don't fit the part' is just theatre teacher code for "you are not the right skin color." When I tell you that I've had a similar conversation like this back when I was in high school, and I'm sure as hell that we're not the only ones who've experienced this--whether it's as a child, or as an adult.

Her quote: "My Black friends always said I wasn't Black or at least not 'Black enough,'" is incredibly relatable to me because as someone who is mixed and always struggled with whether I felt too Black to be white, or too white to be Black, or having been raised as a Latina, rather than a mixed Black and white person, I couldn't relate to the experience of Black Canadians. This is a constant internal battle--even one I had to battle with some of my old friends back before I had a better grasp on my identity. A lot of people who don't struggle with a sense of dual identity can't truly understand how disorientating it can be to simply exist in a world that is constantly trying to pull you in one direction or another.

There's also a creepy instance where a white teacher hella acts inappropriate with her and it gave me the biggest ick.

13. Invisible by Ingrid Rojas Contreras

While I didn't highlight as much in this essay, I found it to be the most timely. Across the world, people are arguing and discussing political beliefs, human rights, and the treatment of others. Contreras is a very (rightfully so) angry woman who refuses to be kept quiet by her in-laws. This is a classic story of policing one's anger and the incredible power of ignorance.

"The United States of America was then and is now living through a time that makes whiteness visible, even to those who lived their whole lies willingly ignoring what it entails." Although this essay collection came out a couple of years ago, the disparity between how white people are treated in comparison to people of other races grows. We see it in the media, in the justice system, in history, and in politics. And the policing of those who refuse to accept the status quo is very, very real. At one point, even Contreras's husband comments that she is "fucking scary when [she's] mad. [...] [Does she] think [his] parents are going to want to talk to [her]?" Just, ugh.

I'll finish my commentary on this essay with this powerful quote: "Violence begins with language or lack of it. If you insist that something doesn't exist, it is in that darkness that calamity slips in."

14. Abuela's Greatest Gift by Janel Martinez

While Martinez's essay brings up the importance of family and tradition, it brings further attention to Blackness and how "There's no room for Blackness within Hispanidad or Latinidad." This was an important essay and exploration of identity, but I am running out of characters.

15. A Mi Orden: A Meditation of Dichos by Elizabeth Acevedo

This essay explores the expectations of purity, family, & the sexism of parenting boys vs. girls in Latine cultures (as lived by your's truly, as well). Also important, but no more characters. Welp.

I super recommend this book!

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Have you read this collection? Would you recommend it?

___

Happy reading!

#books #book review #book reviews #book reviewer #long text post #read #reading #reader #Wild tongues can't be tamed #young adult #essay collection #nonfiction #Latine authors #diversify your shelves #book recommendation #Features #books books books #books and reading #books and literature #readers of tumblr #booklr #bookish #bookworm #bookaholic #book blogger #readers community #reading community #books to read #readers life #Reviews of the week

[quietlyimplode]

Prompt: a sequel to BARF where Nat decides to use it.

(This gif is amazing and definitely not mine)

an: I fully intended to revisit this fic at some point but never did. This is a sequel to this fic - but you don’t need to have read it to read this one. Basically, Tony offers BARF to Natasha to find missing memories. This is fic about Natasha using it.

If you’ve read the Melina fic, you’ll notice parallels. There will be one more (?) fic in these parallel series around Natasha’s mother. (Title from the poem of the same name by Mary Oliver, 3k words, just warnings for angst(?) I guess.)

a voice from I don’t know where.

Clint knows that there’s something wrong by her message.

It’s short, there’s no emojis and she only gives a location. It’s a park, not far from the tower. It’s got swings. Given the time of the meeting, 5am, he assumes she just wants to swing on the swings without an audience of small children waiting their turn.

He runs and scopes the park first, but she is already there. Breathing heavily, he stops and slowly walks towards her.

She’s seen him, of course, and meets him with a smile. The smile he hates, because he knows it means bad news.

“Hey.”

Clint sits next to her on his swing, and they both just watch the darkness of the sky grow light.

“I’m going to do it.”

He knows she’s talking about BARF. It’s been an ongoing conversation for months. He should have known, but the last time they’d talked she’d seemed certain.

He wants to know what’s changed, maybe it was her nightmare two days ago, or their mission last week with the child and the balloon.

He looks over to her, not meeting her eyes but watching as her feet scuff of the floor.

“What made you change your mind?”

Natasha shrugs.

“I think I need one memory.”

Frowning, Clint cocks his head, questioning her in silence.

“I want to know about my mother,” she clarifies.

He knows it’s because of Pepper’s pregnancy, the thoughts it’s brought up, the wondering and pain. She’d never say it, but he can see it.

“Just one?” he asks, because if it’s just this, he can help, he can handle it, and the fallout that is inevitable.

Natasha looks over to him. She looks defensive.

“I’m telling you because I promised you,” she admits, swinging off the ground slightly.

He doesn’t want to fight. He wants to be supportive. He thinks this is a horrible idea.

“How will this work?” he decides on.

Clint copies her actions, pushing his feet off the ground and breathes the fresh air, fighting back dread.

“Tony has a place in Brooklyn, a lab…”

She stops, looking over to him.

“Is it safe?” he asks, making eye contact, unable to keep the worry out of his voice.

Natasha looks away and shrugs.

“It’s going to be you, me and Tony,” she clarifies.

“We’re going to watch him go first.”

He nods. “Then?”

The sigh is audible.

“Then, it’s my turn.”

For such a private person, she’s acting like someone seeing her innermost memories is no big deal. It’s a farce, he knows.

She’s terrified. So is he. He’s glad he’s not alone in this.

“What if?”

“I don’t know.”

She cuts him off straight away.

It’s clear she’s made the decision and doesn’t want to think of the repercussions.

He barely does too, this can only end in heartache.

He’s so selfish.

“How are you.. Are you scared?”

It’s the wrong question.

She ignores it.

“He said, he said, start with a strong memory.”

It’s clear she wants to talk, but perhaps not about feelings. It’s fine, he can be clinical. He pushes down the fear.

“What one are you thinking?”

Clint knows her. The pool of happy memories are limited. Even ones that are good are tainted.

“Maybe my first day at shield?” she offers.

He counts the swings as he goes back and forward.

“Yeah? Why?”

He hopes there’s a specific part of that day she’s thinking, because he does not remember that day being a good one. In fact, it’s one of the crappest days in Shield he’s had.

She shrugs.

“I feel like it’s got strong points of reference in it.”

It would be amiss if he didn’t try and change her mind.

“Nat,” he says softly.

“What?”

She’s all sharp edges.

“Maybe choose another?”

He wants to save her.

“Why?”

It’s a fair question. How does he tell her that for parts of that day, there were two people actively trying to kill her.

“I’m not sure you’re remembering that day correctly.”

It’s now clear that she does not remember the day, and probably brings further evidence that this is something she needs to do. But is perhaps, not something she should.

He has no idea what it’s like to lose time to depression, or dissociation or a shit childhood that literally wiped memories, and gave traumas so deep that her mind repressed them so she no longer has access to them.

Natasha stops her feet moving, bringing herself to a stop.

“What do you mean?”

There’s a weird tension now, and he tentatively looks up.

“Maybe pick a happy memory?”

Natasha frowns.

“It is a happy memory,” she defends.

It’s not the time for this argument. He doesn’t want to argue, he doesn’t want to get onto her bad side so she shuts him out of this.

“Okay. Okay,” he placates, and starts swinging again. It’s going to happen, whether he wants it to or not. He’ll deal with the fallout when it happens.

“Thanks for telling me.”

She nods.

“It’ll be okay, Clint. It’ll be okay.”

He knows she’s trying to convince herself too.

.

The day comes quickly. They haven’t talked much. Natasha’s hardly talked at all. Certainly not about this. She’d stayed away, and the two days since the swing, even Tony hadn’t wanted to talk to Clint. Clint thinks he would punch him if he did.

Natasha had climbed into his bed around 11pm and he’d hugged her, trying to convey everything. She’d stayed, and when he woken he’d found her sitting on the floor.

“Did you sleep?” he asks, rolling over.

The answer is obvious.

“No, not much,” she tries to smile.

The newness of the day means they both are still quiet and contemplative.

“What memory of Tony’s do you think he’ll choose?” Natasha asks, taking a sip of her coffee.

Clint ponders. He’s sure there are many.

“I don’t know,” he answers truthfully.

“Did he say anything?”

Natasha shakes her head.

“Only to get there at 10am.”

It’s not what he meant and they both know it.

They both lapse into silence. He's sure they’re thinking of the same thing.His alarm sounds and he sits up to turn it off.

Helping her up, he pulls her into a hug.

“I’m worried Nat,” he whispers into her ear.

“Me too,” she replies just as quietly, hugging him back.

He pulls away first, holding her and looking her over.

“But you’re still going ahead with it,” he searches.

“Yes.”

There’s no more hesitation now. She’s decided and he’s along for the ride, whatever this leads to.

Dread grows. He’s so scared, he can’t imagine how she feels.

“Will you go see Devon?”

The Irish therapist is likely the best they’ve had, and perhaps the only one equipped to deal with whatever happens from here.

“We have an appointment tomorrow at 1pm.”

Natasha’s self deprecating smile is exactly what he expects, but also pulls some hope through the dread that things after this may be okay.

He laughs, covering his fear.

“Good, that’s good,” he tells her.

She nods.

“Thanks for coming with me,” she tells him, pulling him into the bathroom, and stripping for the shower.

The dread dissipates a little more.

“Where else would I be?” he answers and follows her lead.

.

The lab is not what Clint expected. It’s a house in the middle of Hells Kitchen. There’s a large room, a couch and a recliner chair. Everything else is fake and blank, like a green screen.

Tony greets them at the door and says nothing as they enter. He’s usually one that’s full of words and quips, the silence is unnerving.

“What happens?” Clint asks defensively, unable to disguise his fear and nervousness.

“I’ll show you how it works, then…” he gestures to Natasha.

Clint can’t stop the huffing sigh that comes out of his mouth.

“What memory did you choose?” Natasha asks.

Tony points to the couch and both Clint and Natasha sit dutifully.

He fiddles with the machine, and Clint hears the soft whir of machinery.

He then injects himself with something that looks like an epipen and sits on the couch.

Parts of his iron man suit helmet seem to appear from nowhere and Clint instinctively knows it’s his nanotech.

He hates the way it seems to obscure his vision, and run down his neck, but the holograms start to illuminate the room, surrounding both Clint and Natasha on the couch.

It’s amazing. It’s terrifying.

There’s sand all around them. The couch and recliner remain but everything else is different.

Clint knows they’re in Afghanistan.

A rocket with Stark Industries lands to Clint’s left, and instinctively he covers Natasha, only, that’s not what happens, the other Tony who’s appeared to their right, starts to run but the rocket explodes. Clint watches as Tony is flown backwards.

It’s not real, he reminds himself, fists clenching and his heart rate spiking.

He’s seen this before, only as he watches Tony rip his shirt, his friends weren’t wearing state of the art bullet proof vests.

It’s clear that this is the memory Tony is working on because the next thing they see is nothing. A hessian bag.

Present Tony, lifts his hands and lets the memory rewind, replay, and Clint has to close his eyes as he watches the rocket explode again; watch as Tony bleeds on the ground, only this time there’s more.

Insurgents appear around them, and Clint grabs at Natasha’s hand.

Fear fills him, as their guns aim at Tony who seems to be in and out of consciousness, the red that covers the top of their heads protecting them from the sun and the cloth over their mouths protecting from the wind swept sand.

The memory falters.

He’s squeezing Natasha’s hand hard now, he knows this, he hates this.

He’s never put the timelines together but he thinks this must be around the time he was also in Afghanistan.

Maybe around the time that Benny… he takes a breath.

Not here. Not real.

This is Tony’s memory.

They identify him in Afghani, Clint doing the rough interpreting in his head.

The insurgents knew exactly who he was, exactly who they were aiming for.

Another panics at the blood he is losing and wraps thick gauze and bandages around the wound.

The memory jumps again to the hessian bag and then… nothing.

It’s over.

The whole process, reliving traumas took maybe fifteen minutes. The pseudo VR system disappears and Tony emerges, looking no worse for wear.

Clint thinks maybe he feels worse, as his heart rate lowers slowly and his palms sweaty in Natasha’s as he removes them to wipe them on his pants.

“I want to remember more of that day, since it was so formative to this..”

He gestures around him.

“So Red, what memory did you choose?”

.

Natasha has always been a show, don’t tell person. With her feelings, he often guesses by her behaviour rather than anything she says.

It’s more reliable.

He can feel her apprehension as she stands, leaden legs carrying her to the chair.

“I guess we’ll all soon see.”

He knows in that moment that she’s not going into the Shield memory.

She’s going to go straight for her mother.

Tony guides her, and Clint sits paralysed in apprehension, as he tells her to sit.

“It’s not configured for you yet, so I have to attach these to your head.”

Natasha nods, accepting the electrodes before the nanotech masks her face.

Clint slows his breath. It’s just like a mission. She’s going to be fine. Just like watching her do something dangerous.

“If you want out, want it to stop, you need to clench your fist twice, okay?” Tony tells her.

Clint wants this to stop. His heart is beating loud. Hands clenched.

He finds his voice and reiterates what Tony just said, wanting to make sure she’s not gone somewhere else. He can’t see her.

“Nat, tell me again what you need to do to make it stop,” he asks, loudly.

“Clench my fist twice,” comes a steady voice.

He thinks it’s good that she’s so determined. It’ll hold off everything.

“Are you ready?” Tony asks.

No, Clint thinks.

“We can stop?”

Tony is clearly protective of Natasha, Clint thinks that he wouldn’t have offered BARF to her if he wasn’t. If he didn’t know the value of memories.

“No,” comes Natashas clear answer.

There’s a kind of hope attached to it and Clint feels dread at the apprehension.

“You’ll feel pulsing across your body, and tapping on either shoulder okay?”

It takes a second, maybe that’s what she’s feeling.

“Okay,” Natasha confirms.

“Tell me about the memory,” Tony asks.

Gates appear around them. A woman with auburn hair, holding an infant is crying.

“I think this is my mother,” She says, voice shaking.

“Nat,” Clint says in warning, marveling at the way the woman looks simultaneously like Natasha and nothing like her in the same image.

The memory stops and the machine slows to a stop. He can hear her guiding and slowing her own breath.

“Again,” Natasha commands, after a minute.

Tony looks to Clint who shrugs. He sets it up again.

“You’ll feel the tapping,” he tells her.

The gate appears. The woman’s voice is distorted as another woman stands next to her.

“Melina,” Natasha breathes.

The image clears and the woman is revealed, all in black, the red room insignia emblazoned on her coat.

The memory shorts and is lost again, as a desperate “no” erupts from Natasha’s lips.

Tony looks again to Clint.

“Again,” Natasha commands again.

Both men are at a crossroads, the wrath of Natasha or let her find her memory at great cost it seems.

“You’ll feel a tapping,” Tony says quietly.

The gate appears and the stone floor appear quickly now, Natasha seems to have got a handle on the control as she looks around. The static image shows the woman and the infant.

Russian voices fill the room.

“She will be safe?” The woman asks, desperate, angry at her choices in life.

Clint translates in his head.

The other woman, the one that Natasha called Melina, nods. Clint knows of course, of Ohio. Of Alexei, Yelena and Melina, and the home they created for Natasha.

He’s never seen her though. She looks so young, maybe just older than the woman holding the infant.

“The Red Room will be her home,” Melina says.

Clint expects it to stop. But it doesn’t. He looks over to Natasha who has tears on her cheeks, her body held tight.

The woman talks again.

“I’ll come for you,” she promises, kissing her baby’s nose, her face, nuzzling in, appearing to memorise every inch.

“Stay alive,” Clint hears the woman say, “and I will too.”

The woman hugs the child, Natasha, tightly. “I’ll come for you,” she promises. “This is not forever.”

The memory cuts out and disappears.

“No!” Natasha cries, anguished.

But it’s gone.

“Again,” she shouts, but this time, Clint shakes his head when Tony turns to him.

“Sorry Nat, that’s it, the machine needs to charge,” he lies.

The helmet pulls back and reveals her face, tear stained and stoic.

“How long?” she asks, voice schooled and steady now.

Tony shrugs, “twenty four hours maybe?”

She stands. “I’ll see you tomorrow then.”

Shaky legs propel her out of the house, as Clint chases to follow.

“Nat, wait up, wait,” he calls.

He catches her at the car.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” she says immediately.

He nods.

“We’ll have to tomorrow,” he tells her, thinking of Devon and thanking whatever deity that the appointment is already booked.

“That’s a problem for me tomorrow then isn’t it?” She snaps, getting in the car.

He moves to the other side and gets in, knowing it’s a bad idea she drives but not wanting to get left behind. The drive is silent.

He doesn’t want to talk til she does. But as always, she wins. She’s heading for their safe house in Brooklyn. He knows by the traffic.

“Nat.”

“What?”

“You’re speaking in Russian,” he realises.

“What?”

The harshness of her words and even the fact that she hasn’t noticed that she’s been speaking in Russian since the first memory played makes him more worried. No wonder Tony had been looking to him.

“Never mind,” he mumbles.

The drive is slow but she seems aware of her surroundings, seems to know where she’s going; and as she pulls into the parking garage, he settles on the enormity of being able to keep herself together.

Natasha takes a moment and then gets out of the car, and he dutifully follows up the stairs and to the small apartment on the right. The key lives in the false bottom of the seventh stair and he picks it up and unlocks the door letting her go in first.

They move around each other with practiced ease, Clint cooking and Natasha cleaning, each grounding themselves in their own way after the traumatic morning. He pushes her to eat dinner, and motions to the bedroom.

“Will you be able to sleep tonight?” he asks.

“I guess we’ll see.”

She stares at her uneaten food.

“Do you want to sleep alone?” He asks, knowing the answer already.

“Yeah,” she sighs.

“I’ll take the couch,” he offers.

Natasha doesn’t even object. He tries once more, needing to tell her something before she leaves him.

“Nat?”

She looks up and meets his eyes, finding nothing but love there.

“You were really brave today.”

There’s a slight dip of her head as she tries to smile.

“Thanks.”

Clint knows this is not okay, will not be okay for a while, but he has faith that she’ll tell him when it’s not. They’ve navigated worse, and maybe this can be healing.

He grips her hand and squeezes three times. I love you.

.

#bwf2022 #clintasha fanfic #natasha romanoff #clint barton #black widow #clintasha #natasha romanov & tony stark #natasha romanoff fic #clintasha fanfiction #my fic #background clintasha #tony stark fic #BARF #Tony and Nat #natasha romanoff/clint barton #natashas mother

[the-blackest-spider]

I’ve had some plot bunnies (does anyone still call them that???) running rampant in my head for quite a while now, so if anyone is interested, feel free to like this post, or comment or just shoot me a message on here or Discord(if you have it, if not and we’re mutuals let’s fix that).

MCU Plot Ideas-

Mostly I just really want Natasha to find out she’s the new guardian of the Soul Stone. I have some plots and verses that are slowly headed that direction, but it’s something I really want to explore in various ways and I’ve yet had the opportunity to have her be killed only to come back to life because of the Stone and all of that. 

Also, I’m down for doing a twist on this and having Natasha wake up alive, but not in her own universe, but somewhere else, even if I may not be knowledgeable in that universe. 

And always up for the whole people she knows or that knew her coming across her alive and being all ?!?!? especially considering how long it’s been. 

FFVII Plot Ideas-

Would love some pre-Crisis Core and Pre-Before Crisis stuff. Also something maybe just post Before Crisis, when the Turks are very, well not as trusted for a bit and how that’s dealt with, and how it affects Natasha. 

Always up for stuff set after the main game too, and either before, during or after Advent Children.

On that note, I have one verse already that’s dealing with this, but I’d love to explore her degradation more. 

Also, having someone come across her in the lab getting one of her mako treatments would be interesting because it’s not something that’s openly known about for several obvious reasons. 

Another idea is someone who saw her before she “lost” her memories and recognizes her now as a Turk and is very confused about the whole situation. 

And because I haven’t really done anything with it, maybe her SOLDIER verse, Shinra decides to have her hunted down and either brought back to them or killed and if the latter bit, whomever is sent decides to well, make a different call. 

Star Wars Plot Ideas-

For her Imperial Assassin verse, always up for those plots where someone tries to help her get out from under Palpatine’s control. 

Having her get captured by the Rebels would be interesting too. 

Or having her sent to kill a Jedi annnd well it doesn’t go that way.  

For her Outcast Jedi verse, something during the whole Empire hunting down Force Users deal.

Or have the Rebels try to recruit her.

Also down for sequel era stuff ( I know) and diving into her Mandalorian heritage.

#Widow ooc (Cat speaks) #in the web (mutuals only) #plot ideas #long post

[alaffy]

The Baby, Ep.6 - The Rage

I read some of the reviews for the show just before I decided to watch it.  The general consensus was that the show was interesting; but got very uneven or muddled as it went on.  After watching the last episode and this episode, I can see what they mean.  It’s not that they’ve forgotten their original subject in this series, in fact they deal with it head on in this episode; but it feels like….I don’t know if they felt like the baby wasn’t working as a representation for this message (which, it actually was) or if they decided that they wanted to suddenly add in more issues (in that case, writers, sometimes less is more).  Either way, I feel like we’re going off on a tangent here.  I’ll explain this a bit more after I recap the episode.

Natasha wakes up in a field surrounded by the commune members.  It is suggested that she passed out after the baby showed her the events that led up to this moment.  Natasha wants to leave the commune, to get the baby away from everyone.  However, the members won’t let her go. Furthermore, the baby won’t let her take him.  At which point the baby…takes over the minds of every child in the commune?  One of them grabs the baby and they all run away.

The members of the commune start to look for the children.  So does Natasha and Nour, who run into Bobbi.  Bobbi suggests they look at this old meeting place.  Sure enough, Natasha and Nour find the children there. Most of the children are sitting in a half circle, with the exception of the one child holding the baby in the center, and they are drawing.  Natasha calls out a name and all of the children look up in unison.  Then, they go back to their drawing.  Nour looks closer and realizes they are all drawing a woman in the water.  At which point all the kids begin yelling, “Mommy’s in the water.”

Natasha tries to take the baby, but the baby makes the children start stabbing themselves with their pencils.  As Nour and Natasha try to stop the children, the one child holding the baby rushes out.  Nour tells Natasha to follow.  As Natasha leaves, the children turn on Nour and begin to attack her.

Natasha doesn’t find the baby, but she finds her sister.  Bobbi has twisted her ankle and needs help getting out of the woods.  Meanwhile, the commune has found the children standing in a pond.  They try to get the children to come away from the water, but the children start to pelt them with rocks.  

We cut to Nour who’s stumbling through the woods.  Nour clutches her chest as she’s having a heart attack.  As she lays on the ground, she see Hellen.  Hellen tells her Jack is still alive.

Natasha and Bobbi come to the pond where they find the adults of the commune on the ground, having some sort of seizure.  Also, they see one of the children drowning their mother.  Bobbi uses her magic tricks to distract the baby as Natasha saves their mother.  The three of them escape and bar themselves in a room in the commune.  

It’s at this point that Bobbi gets a call from the social worker.  While the social worker think Bobbi will be a good candidate, she is suggesting they wait six months as she feels that Bobbi need for the baby is too much.  In other words, she feels that Bobbi might be wanting the baby for other reasons.  Bobbi, of course, ends up blaming Natasha.  Natasha, just done, tells Bobbi that she agrees with the social worker as she feels that the real reason why Bobbi wants that child so badly is because Bobbi has abandonment issues and a child just can’t leave her. Of course, this pisses Bobbi off. Just like Natasha’s friend, Bobbi starts to tell Natasha how she always messes everything up.

It's at this point, we really come to the crux of the series in that Postpartum Depression isn’t an allegory anymore but the reason that the characters find themselves where they are in life.  It turns out that Natasha’s and Bobbi’s mother suffered from Postpartum Depression. And, as can happen, later it turned into major depression.  It seems like Natasha, not understanding what was wrong with her mother, tried to take care of her.  The mother only had Bobbi so that Natasha could transfer her love and this idea of taking care of someone to something else.  But none of this worked and the mother left.  So, you have one daughter (Bobbi) who has abandonment issues.  And then you have Natasha, who has both been conditioned to believe that she has to take care of everything and believes that she’s a fuck up because nothing she seems to do makes things better.  

And, honestly, if this had been the final episode and the baby poofed out of existence with that revelation, I would have been fine with that.  Of course, that didn’t happen.  The three women realize it’s quite and so the leave the room. The find the baby and all of the commune members asleep on the floor.  Natasha picks up the baby.  As she’s about to leave, Bobbi tells her never to contact her again.  Natasha heads for the car, where she sees Nour.  Nour tells her about Jack still being alive and they drive off.

I mentioned, in my last post, that the first half of the season was clearly an allegory for Postpartum Depression.  And, as we see in this episode, it was clearly the issue that caused the family to fracture.  The mother had a mental health issue that no one was able to help her with and, let’s face it, something society didn’t really deal with back in 80s and 90s (when the daughters were growing up).  I mean, we’re just starting to take it seriously now.  But back then it was just brushed off as a woman’s problem.  Now, if the story had been straightforward, the baby would have been a physical manifestation of Postpartum Depression.  Which does seem to be the case up until episode five. And it would make sense for the baby to be that manifestation.  Natasha, a women who both has been affected by Postpartum as a child and who does not recognize Postpartum in her friend, is taken through a horrific journey until she confronts her past.  And perhaps, if Helen had just suffered from Postpartum as well, we could have found out that the baby was chosen to be the manifestation due to the tragic end of his mother.  The women who were the previously chosen may not have survived because they weren’t unable to confront their past.  I’m just spit balling here.  The point being is that this show could have dealt with one specific and serious topic and, once Natasha confronted her past, the baby could have been defeated and the series could have ended with a very cohesive story.

However, the writers in episode five decided to add the kidnapping and the violent way the child came into this world.  They also added the curse.  Hell, let’s not ignore that Jack’s family seems to be bunch of sociopaths.  The point is, instead of having a clear beginning, middle, and end we have…this.  Now, there are two episodes to go and maybe this will all be explained, but I’m a little concerned.  All these things were brought in so late into the story, it almost feels as if they are trying to pad the story to make it eight episodes.

#the baby #natasha williams #bobbie williams #nour eaves