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twistedwonderlandshenanigans · 19 days

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All My Scars

The stories behind one of the scars each of the twst cast has SOME ARE WAY ANGSTIER THAN OTHERS OKAY please read the tw and the tags, and like the stuff in brackets under characters names that have them for a heads up...what Specifically their section covers

TW: SH, abuse, Bad Parents (specified in the reading), references to alcoholism, implied SA survivor, and some OOC stuff bc I like making Cater cry sorry PROCEED WITH CAUTION FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, apologies for inconsistencies

IF YOU DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ. Here's my masterlist to some fluffier stuff if you still want to check out my writing. Thank you!

I'll be doing a fluffier version of this some other time, like dumbest childhood injuries they had or something, so if this ain't for you, please hold! --------------------------------------------------------------------

"How did you get your scar(s)?"

Heartslaybul

Riddle The question caught him off guard. He glanced down at his hand where your thumb ran over the small indentations on the skin between his thumb and pointer finger, a small smile kicking up the corner of his mouth.

"That was Che'nya. When we were kids." You looked at him, your silence prompting him to continue.

He smiled a little more, gently pulling his hand from yours to look at the scars left there, laughing softly, though a bit pained.

"I wasn't prepared to receive very much physical affection, but Che'nya couldn't really help himself. He said if hugs were off the table, he just wanted to nibble." He chuckles softly "Of course he didn't give me much of a warning, though Trey tried to stop him before he bit me. It was a shock at the time, but both of them explained it was an expression of affection...I confirmed it later on in an article on the behaviours of beastmen. Trey was used to getting bites from Che'nya, but usually with less pent up energy. Nonetheless, he helped me take care of it before I had to return home."

His brow furrowed a bit as he sighed.

"Of course, my mother noticed eventually, the divots on my hand. It was the first and only time I ever outright lied to her - lies of omission aside. I know she didn't believe me when I told her it was just me being clumsy with my pencil, but I suppose it was a tender mercy she didn't have time to deal with me that day." He looked at the divots a little longer, a particular softness in his expression.

"They're the only scars I have. I find it rather ironic that the only imperfection I carry in my mother's eyes...is the lasting impression that there is at least one person who cares for me more than she has ever been capable of."

His smile was sad, but he tried to keep things light as he looked at you. "That is not an invitation to try and bite me as well. I know full well you care for me...because you've helped the scars nobody can see, fade."

Trey

"Which ones?" He chuckles softly, pausing his kneading as he held out his arms for you to look over the various marks he had, before he pointed at one, taking matters into his own hand. "My youngest brother likes this one for some reason. He thinks the texture is different and kinda just rubs my arm when he's calming himself down."

He turned his arm so his elbow was pointing out a little bit so he could look at his forearm, pointing to a bigger scar. "This was a burn from bumping against the edge of the oven while trying to take out a tray of cookies in a rush."

He turned his arm yet again, showing off another one. "This one was from me trying to reheat baked potato leftovers. I put butter on it and threw it in the microwave, but I almost dropped the bowl when I took it out and had the bright idea to try and catch it. Splashed hot butter up my arm." He chuckled again, using his shoulder to bump up his glasses. "I have a few from Che'nya as well. Some from my siblings. Some from baking. But they make for good stories should I ever need something to share."

Cater (Heads up for the abusive parent HC's regarding using kids for media Clout) <- you can read by clicking the link

He looks startled, like he's just seen a ghost before trying to laugh it off.

"I uh...oooh sevens don't tell me you saw me eat dirt like two days ago while I was skateboarding! I swear normally I'm better than that, I just- I didn't scar, just a scrape and nothing more, swear! It's sweet you're concerned though."

You gave him a bit of a sad look, before sighing, looking away awkwardly, knowing there was no...delicate way to tell him what you wanted to.

"Look, you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to, but the last time I was babysitting Cheka I...saw what he was watching on his tablet and um...well I unsubscribed him from the channel but there were some videos on there that-"

"Stop."

Cater was hugging himself, balled up as tightly as he could get on the opposite side of the couch, his hair shrouding his face somewhat. He was taking shallow, rapid breaths, and while you wanted nothing more than to reach out and comfort him, you didn't think he would respond well to touch at the moment.

"How much did you see?" His voice was as demanding as he could get it from inside of his little shell.

You cleared your throat a bit. "I didn't go digging into any of the videos, won't watch any if you don't want me to...it was just some of the thumbnails that...worried me that you...might have more than emotional scars to work through..."

You moved slowly to kneel on the floor next to Cater, offering your hand should he want to take it. "I'm sorry, there were better ways for me t-"

"You're right." He sobbed softly, looking out at you, nothing but pain on his face as he tried to hold in another sob, taking your hand in his, and moving it to gently run over his outer forearm.

"I c-cover them up um...a-all the time, it's second nature now but.." he takes a few moments to try and catch his breath.

"These ones were all from the same damned prank video...mom..covered the floor in dish soap in the kitchen...I was like...four, I still loved cookies, so when she said there were some, I came running in...slid and crashed into the oven...."

He sniffled and rubbed at his eyes with his free arm. "I remember watching the doctor pluck glass out from me and my mom was outside the room....just...yelling at my dad..."

He waved his hand over his forearm, letting the faded scars come to light beneath his concealer, trusting you to keep this a secret. His eyes still held unshed tears as he looked away from his arms, and from you.

"And the worst part? That video went viral. People thought it was funny. So of course mom went and did more and more prank videos, even if some people made it popular for the wrong reasons, there was still attention and validation there for her efforts, so it didn't matter. If I was crying, it was cute for me to...fuss, because I was- am the youngest, and nothing I felt really mattered. It was- I just-....I like being who I am now...most of the time...because nobody...nobody sees beyond what I want them to see...er...most people now I guess..." He gave you a bit of a bashful smile, clearly upset and conflicted still, before his face fell again and he gently tugged his hand from yours.

"Just give me a few minutes and everything will be okay again. Promise."

Deuce (with the HC he's deaf/HoH)

He kinda just sighed deeply at your question, shooting you a bit of an unimpressed look.

"I mean you could take a guess where I got most of'm and probably hit the nail on the head." He huffed, rubbing the back of his neck a bit, his eyes drifting to the side awkwardly as he wracked his brain for a scar story that wouldn't dredge up memories he'd rather forget.

"I mean the scar story my mom tells her coworkers about..." He cringes a tiny bit at the idea of relaying the story the same way his mother does, but sighed anyways.

"I was young, like really young, maybe two or three. It was before I was used to my hearing aids, so I didn't have them in at the time. She had just turned a little to greet one of our neighbours who had come out to say hello, only to hear ungodly squawking, followed by giggles...I didn't know the bird I'd managed to grab was giving me a heads up it didn't like being grabbed, besides it's struggling...long story short, it bit me pretty good." He blushed a bit and pointed to a relatively small scar on his cheek. "I don't even know what kind of bird it was. I just know what happened because it was something my mom talked about a lot."

Ace (TW for alcoholic father/abuse/manipulation)

"Mmh?" he sounded rather uninterested. It was a fair question, given the amount of time the two of you hung out, it wasn't like you wouldn't notice the jagged scar on his neck to his collarbone.

He shrugged, trying to play off how uncomfortable the memory was. "Just somethin' that happened when I was a kid."

Your unspoken questions bothered him more than he thought they would, rocking to sit up properly and look at you a little pissy.

"Look, I'm over it, so I'll tell you but I don't want a damn reaction or pity, okay? I was nine, my brother had just gotten his admission letter into NRC, and my dad was drunk off his ass. Threatened my brother with the cost of my life if he quit his job and stopped being his beer fund- not that it was much of a threat, it was a glass bottle or some shit he'd shattered and held to my neck. That was the night my brother made arrangements for me to live with his friends families so he could still come here without making me walk on eggshells around my dad. He still won't tell me if he kept paying the bastard's beer money or not, but my dad's in rehab now, and I don't ever gotta go back to him by myself again. I can just visit my brother now he's got his own place, even if he's got a roommate. So now you know." He got up from the couch, shaking out his hands a bit.

"Now, I'm gonna make some breakfast and I'm using your materials. Ain't no way I'm trekking back to Heartslaybul just for breakfast."

Savanaclaw

Leona

"Don't remember" He stretched on his bed, yawning. "Same shit I told Ruggie. It doesn't affect me now, so what's the point in remembering it? Can't hold on to every dusty memory."

"Aren't scars a symbol of nobility to those from Sunset Savannah?"

You could practically feel the discomfort rolling off of Leona in waves as he turned his back to you more.

"....yeah, they can be..." he sighed, feeling the weight of your next question mounting. "Just chalk it up to some stupid royal tradition that should have been abolished years ago. You don't have to believe it, but I'm done talking now."

Ruggie (Hyena Hierarchy shit ig?)

"Eh?" His ears flick playfully as he snickers. "They ain't a big deal. Growin' up some of the girls would play a little rough, 'nd now I mainly take care of the rugrats they like to chew and bite on anything they can get their little teeth into, not limited to ears and tail."

His ear flicks again and he holds his hands out. "And I mean, my hands ain't scarred but I don't have fingerprints cuz my grandma taught me how to do the hot food flip, you know what I mean." He snickers. "But y'know, just cuz they don't hurt anymore, doesn't mean I won't take a little extra cuddles or pets if you're gonna offer."

Jack

He scratched the back of his head a bit. "You noticed it??" He seemed a little awkward, and now that the fact had fully settled that the only scar he had was the small one on his upper lip, you could kind of understand why.

You nod a bit and he sighs, his hand dropping from behind his head and looking off to the side, a little bit embarrassed.

"It was a frog." He cringed a bit at his wording and at the eyes he felt from you, and he knew you were trying to hold back laughter.

"I- my bigger cousin was showing me a frog he caught and it jumped on my face. I didn't have full awareness of ah...my capabilities and...where my claws were in relation to my face... ended up hurting myself in the process of getting it off of me. I don't remember much else after that....just that I don't...love frogs..." He admitted a little shyly, tail tucked slightly, and clearly embarrassed.

Octavinelle

Azul

He looks at you rather unimpressed, then gestures to the tweels.

"They think I'm a chew toy. They would be the reason for any and ALL of my scars, as I've never been in any other danger where scarring would be an issue."

Jade

The question seems to hit him harder than you expected. Jade was normally hard to read, but his discomfort was apparent with your question. He gave you a practiced, but strained smile.

"The story behind my scars are not something I share willingly with anyone. I will be taking my leave." (but you can read the story here >:D)

Floyd (partial nudity?? but it's just Floyd showing off the scars he has all along his legs enthusiastically)

"Aha! I got a whole buncha scars shrimpy, which ones are ya curious 'bout?" He flopped down next to to you, and took his shirt off, showing off scars on his back.

"Oh didya see the ones on my legs durin' basketball practice?" He tried to pull up his school uniform pant leg, to no avail. He huffed and just slid his pants off, leaving him in his boxers as he showed off the scars all along his legs.

He beamed "It's a helluva lot harder t'see em when I'm in my mer form, blend right in with my scales, but my human body?? I look sick!! And there ain't too many humans who can boast 'bout havin' scars from a shark attack or a tussle with a barracuda! I got a whole buncha stories I could tellya if ya think you can stomach'em-" He snickers.

Scarabia

Kalim

"Ahah....I..I've got a scar?? Where?" For some reason he seemed a little panicked, looking over his arms anxiously. "No, no I shouldn't have any scars I um- I- just-"

His behaviour made you a little worried, so you moved to take his hands in yours, trying to steady him, but he pulled away from you, looking at you rather frantically.

"Just tell me where! I....I can- I'm alright, promise, but I don't have any scars!"

I'm realizing I have an obsession, here's another story

Jamil

"I mean I have a few minor scars on my hands from when I first started learning to cook." You watched his practiced movements as he chopped vegetables at a quick pace, sliding them off the cutting board as necessary to make more room for himself.

"Though I suppose with how intently you watch me work it's not a stretch to assume you noticed them." He gives you a bit of a knowing smirk, before pausing for a moment, and flexing his wrist to show a small scar on the back of his hand.

"That one was from taking care of Najma. She was just learning how to walk and wandered out of my fathers sight. My mother was taking care of something inside the palace, so as soon as I noticed she wasn't toddling around us, my father and I began searching for her. She ended up somehow getting herself wedged between....seven, I can't even remember. I remember putting both hands in, and pulling one one out with a cockroach on it, and the other struggling to pull Najma out until my dad was able to assist." He shook his head and sighed. "I cut myself on the wood around her, needed a couple stitches after....but she was all good, save for a mouthful of sand she had stuffed into her mouth." he chuckled softly.

"But if I have any other scars...you'll have to wait longer for those stories."

Pomefiore

Vil (SA Survivor vaguely implied)

"I do not know what you are referring to potato. I don't have so much as single blemish on my skin."

You met his eyes in the mirror, a silent questioning match ensuing between the two of you. You broke eye contact first, leaving him satisfied as he took a deep breath.

"There is nothing inherently wrong with scars. But the ones I have don't deserve any more thought, the person who inflicted them are no longer a part of my life, and never will be again. It's been over seven years, I know that there isn't a cell on me that has not been replaced by a new one."

He met your eyes back in the mirror. "Never bring this topic up again, unless you require assistance with your own scars."

Rook

"Hm? I've taken great care to cover them all up, mon trickster. Since coming to Pomefiore and being under Vil's supervision, most of my scars have faded to a point they are barely identifiable." He smiled softly at you.

"Though if you've noticed one or two, I assure you the story is lackluster." Despite his casual appearance, Rook seemed to be on..even higher alert than usual, as in you could actually pick up on the tension coming off of him. Despite this, your curiousity got the better of you.

"How can they be lackluster? Aren't most of them from archery or animals?"

Rook met your eyes with a rather cold expression, and regardless of stature, made it feel like he was looking down on you.

"No."

His glare lasted a beat longer, before he beamed, "Ah, it's best I get going. I bid you good day."

Epel (got top surgery over the summer)

"WHATCHYA MEAN HOW'D I GET MA SCARS?!" He has a wide grin on his face, hiking his shirt up.

"I AIN'T GOT NO TITS NO MORE!" He sets his shirt back down, a shit-eating smile on his face. "It was about damn time y'know! Lookit how flat ma ches- look at the scars!! Ain't they cool lookin?? Make me look MANLY an' strong, earlier Sebek done asked who I fought nd I just told'm it was my femin-feminini-.....it ain't funny now, but his face sure was!"

Ignihyde

Idia (TW for SH scars)

The ends of his hair went almost clear, and he looked rather deflated. "....cats. Stray cats. Used to pick them up without trying to bribe them first..." he mumbled, pulling at his sleeve a little more to try and cover them up, before trying to flash you a smile, though he was clearly uncomfortable and upset, so it only lasted a moment before he turned completely away from you.

The silence was heavy between the two of you, knowing the truth was more than the consequences of an angry cat.

He hugged himself more, still away from you.

"I don't do it anymore...Ortho is here now..to ah...remind me to do better...even if he doesn't know about it, his presence is enough."

Ortho

"Scar??" He tilted his head and giggled a little bit. "I don't really get those. When I get scratches Idia helps me buff them out. Why, do you see one?"

He ran a diagnostics test, trying to answer his own question, but came up empty, now trying to look over himself manually for any sort of disfiguration, only to look at you more confused and a little amused.

"What are you talking about?"

Diasomnia

Malleus

He had to hide a slight pout at your question. "Fae do not scar, not easily..."

He could see the way your eyes shifted between his face and his ear, before he sighed. "However...when I was much younger, I was prone to fits of anger, often scaring and sometimes harming the guards that were too slow to react around me." A tiny smile started to form as he thought about it more.

"Besides the initial pain when his weapon brushed past me, the guards face of terror was enough to make me giggle, despite the blood that dripped from the tiny incision." His hand came up to gently hold his ear between two of his fingers, rubbing over the small scar along the edge of it.

"I told him if he agreed to play with me I wouldn't tell my grandmother what he'd done. In a way, he was one of my first friends..but the news inevitably made it's way through the chain of command, and he was soon replaced by another heartless, soulless guard...they were all like that you know....so afraid of me, as a Draconia, to even extend the hand of friendship to a child."

Lilia

"Kheeheehee I've not got a single one, not anymore! I've had more than enough time for all the memories of my glory days fade like the scars that would have told the stories. Besides, having any visible scars would put a damper on my absolutely adorable face!" He batted his eyelashes, resting his cheeks on the 'v' shape his hands made.

Silver

"How did I get my scars?" He repeated, then looked thoughtful for a moment. "I don't have many...ah." He pulled his pant leg up gently and revealed a somewhat...suspicious looking scar on his calf.

"When I was younger, Sebek's yelling wasn't always enough to wake me up. He got fed up and bit me. He was successful in waking me up, so I have a few other scars similar to that one from when we were kids, but when he was about ten he had to stop. It was too much and he had poor control over his bite force."

He touched the side of his face pensively. "Though I was outside a lot as a child too. I'm sure I've got more scars and marks than I've cared to count. But Fa- Lilia was always attentive during our sparing sessions, so I've never received a scar from a blade."

Sebek

He huffed, an annoyed sounding bellow leaving him as he crossed his arms and turned his face away from you.

"I have not had the opportunity to receive a scar but-"

"The opportunity?"

His face flushed a bit, and he looked a little grumpy, "SILENCE, do not interrupt me human. Of course you wouldn't understand! My grandfather has battle scars still, they're a symbol of his bravery and valiance in Briar Valley! If I should ever have the OPPORTUNITY to receive a scar by blade, I would like to have one that matches his."

Extra

Che'nya

"Eh?? Well why'dya wanna knyow?" He chuckles, sitting crisscross against nothing, upside down in front of you.

"I was just curious- you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

He just giggles more, wiping one hand over half his face, evidently using magic to get rid of concealer on that side of his face.

"It's nyat a big deal, all I've got are acne scars and the result of me just pickin' at myah skin." He grinned, pouting playfully and making a peace sign. "'m still absolutely adorrrrrrrrrrrrable though, makeup just is more tolerable than putting lotion on and reminds me not to pick at it." He purred through his own compliment, before using his hand to use magic and put the concealer back on.

Jack Hearts-Trappola (same TW as Ace, only it's implied here, not outright)

He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. "Don't ask Ace that question, kay? It'll put'm in a funk for the rest of the day even if he denies it." He moved to pour himself a glass off coffee, aware you were still waiting for an answer. He took a sip before looking back to you, and answering best he could.

"The scars I have were mostly caused by glass. Once I got into the entertainment industry, I took up soldering and welding so I've got a few pretty bad burns myself from slag or poor PPE, but I had fun doin' it. So no harm no foul." He grinned, the same wide, shit-eating grin that matched his younger brother's expression so closely, it was uncanny.

Falena

His laugh filled the room, boisterous and light. "Ah, you noticed them?" He had all sorts of scars along his arms, in sets of two or three, headed in the same direction.

"Thank you. Here, scars are a testament to one's nobility, strength and perseverance. I received many from Leona when we used to spar, he was always quick on his feet and caught me off guard many times." He chuckled again. "I was never the best at fighting, but it was an important skill to develop should I ever need to defend my son...and if my wife isn't around to exact her fury." His wife gave him a light, playful shove, making him laugh in response as well.

Najma

"Okay if I tell you, you can't tell Jamil or my parents okay?? Don't go snitching me out." She pulled you up to her room, and to her window, sliding it open to a palm tree just outside.

She pointed down at a ridge on the tree, and then pulled up the cuff of her pants and pointed to a scar from the middle of her calf up to her knee. "That fucking tree bit me when I was just trying to go meet up with some of my girls. Do you know how quiet I had to be so my mom and dad didn't catch on??"

Neige (HC he uses mobility aids (forearm crutches + wheelchair when necessary) when not in public eye)

He laughed softly, settling back into his wheelchair and pulling his leg up across the other one, pointing to a small scar over the front of his ankle.

"I got it when I was really young. I was trying to run away from someone who was chasing me, I don't remember if it was tag or not, but probably! I ended up getting a deeper cut than I thought I did when I tripped over one of those concrete barriers they use for cars. It was already falling apart, so the I guess it was moreso the mix inside the concrete that got me?? I don't remember. I do remember getting ice cream after though." He giggled. "I think I was on my way to a photoshoot. I'll have to see if Vil remembers."

Rollo (vague religious themes, SH, never ask me to write for this man again)

He had a band around his wrist, as if he had a bracelet that had turned into one massive scar. It wasn't entirely unreasonable for you to ask, and now that you knew of his brother, there was no reason to really keep it to himself now.

He sighed, holding his wrist out to you rather disdainfully.

"It's a reminder. Every time I look at it, I can imagine the pain my dear brother was in as fire and magic consumed him. I burnt myself for weeks in the same place so as to remind myself repeatedly what my failure has caused. It serves as a reminder what hell will feel like should I never repent of my sins, or fail in correcting the path so many have fallen to. Magic is no god of mine. I will not let it dictate when life is lost or gained. Not in my life. Not in anyone's if things were to go my way...but I'll show them the right way eventually."

His eyes slid over to you.

"You agree, don't you? You'll walk down the righteous path with me and preach the truth to everyone until they join us too."

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Free me from my mental prison dear god why do I do this to myself at the worst times of day/night.

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wizardofgoodfortune · 27 days

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STAR — MITSKI

No matter that love's gone We just see it shining We've traveled very far, I'll Keep a leftover light burning So you can keep looking up Isn't that worth holding on?

#mitski #star #the land is inhospitable and so are we #mitskiedit #musicedit #userpcultures #usermusic #dailymusicians #dailymusicqueens #dailywoc #*#*my gifs #i didn't want to mess with the coloring too much because the original coloring was already so gorgeous...#also this took me way too long to make its kind of embarrassing. but u live and u learn ig #also im never making b&w gifs ever again if i can help it. it inflicted a special kind of pain :-)

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diatomaceous-worth · 8 months

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I'll keep a leftover light burning / So you can keep looking up

#fruk #hws england #hetalia #diat draws #lyrics from star by mitski #I'm obsessed with that song

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vesperscas · 9 months

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We've traveled very far, I'll Keep a leftover light burning So you can keep looking up Star, Mitski

DEAN VERSION

#deancas #destiel #castiel #dean winchester #spn #supernatural #mitskinatural #mitski #destiel edit #my edit #the land is inhospitable and so are we #spn edit #destiel x tliiasaw

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jaevy · 3 months

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Star

with tumblr’s compression, the text will be hard to read, so here’s the art split in two (reduces compression), and here’s the text that was cut off:

You know I'd always been alone

'till you taught me

to live for somebody…

That love is like a star

It's gone, we just see it shining

'cause it's traveled very far

Keep a leftover light, burning

so you can keep looking up

I am yours

No matter

That love's gone

We just see it shining

we've traveled very far

I'll keep a leftover light burning

So you can keep looking up…

…Isn't that worth holding on?

#my art #furry art #anthro #furry #fursona #mitski #i wanted to mix things up a little (yet again)#and this time i decided to use ‘star’ by mitski #to me i feel like this song is about a past love #maybe that love’s gone #but the memories with that person remain #and they’re still a dear friend #and that’s what matters more maybe #also i avoided the procreate gouache brush i tend to use all the time #and i think it turned out quite well #in terms of colors i wanted to really emphasize warmth #i think this is one of mitski’s happier songs #although it is bittersweet #jaevyart

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suzyq31 · 3 months

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A little slice of bittersweet

A micro that grew rapidly out of control, whoops! @jilymicro-oops. I've wanted to write a larger piece for ages centered around this type of premise (ie one of them lives). Reading KSFM by @nodirectionhome-ao3 has only cemented this desire. Not sure whenever I'll get to it, or what it may end up looking like, but it was fun to play with this for now. Thanks for the inspiration Cam! I definitely borrowed a bit from your Lily here. Also some inspiration comes from the book Bittersweet which had a really cool chapter about the making of the film Inside Out.

Prompt: Inadequate

Lily always found it hardest to be with herself when the house fell quiet. Rain fell against the window pane, blurring the reddened trees in their back garden. She rested her forehead against the cool glass, her breath adding to the condensation. She wrapped the throw tighter around herself, shivering from the coldness seeping through the pane, matching her insides.

It was the same every year, the sudden turn of season that never failed to catch her off guard. A natural reminder that time continued, and that another year had passed in a daze. One that felt simultaneously slow and quick.

Her eyes closed. Even moving across the country, the memory of Godric’s Hollow haunted her, following her all the way to Brighton. Her last view of it was one of charred ruins. Then there were the other images, the ones that made her wake with a scream caught in her throat night after night. Tears burned, hot and prickling, and she wiped them away as they came.

She could picture him now, knew he would encourage her to get up, put a record on and get to it. He’d pull her up with his large hands, saying something ridiculous to break her out of the ruminating she’d always been good at. When she quieted herself enough, she could almost hear it, the timber of his voice saying her name; how James had always been able to say so much with just those two syllables.

A creak on the stairs brought her back to the present. She glanced over her shoulder towards the hallway where the staircase was just visible. Between the banister was a small face, a mop of dark hair falling into green eyes that blinked at her sleepily in the faint light.

Despite the ache in her chest, she smiled. “You’re up.”

Harry remained silent but continued his descent. In his hands was the blue crocheted blanket Mary had made him in another lifetime, golden snitches stitched into the edges. His bare feet padded softly on the hardwood until he reached where she was perched on the built in window seat. Without any prompting she reached down and scooped him up, enveloping him in her arms and tucking him amongst the fold of the fuzzy throw blanket. His body was soft and pliable with his leftover sleepiness. Lily breathed in the sweet smell of her son, growing warmer with him there .

“Did you have a good nap?” she asked against his neck.

Harry shrugged his small shoulders, burrowing further into her.

Lily stroked his silky dark hair, the exact same texture and look as James’s. Most of the time these reminders were manageable, wonderful even. She was grateful that he’d left a part of himself behind. But at that moment her already tender heart squeezed like a vice in her chest.

She closed her eyes and willed the tears to stay put.

Eventually Harry pulled back and she opened her eyes to find his combing over her features, hot little hand coming to her cheek, voice gravelly from sleep. “Are you sad?”

Lily’s breath hitched as she stared into his face. Of course Harry didn’t just look like his father. Even at three he so eerily read her moods—despite how hard she worked to keep the worst of her grief tucked away from him.

Harry’s brow furrowed and Lily released a breath, taking his hand in hers she pressed a kiss to the back of his dimpled fingers. “A little,” she said softly.

His brow furrowed further. “Mummy, you have to be happy.”

Lily stilled, heart skipping at the certainty in his tone. Another trait he shared with James. She brushed the fringe of his wild hair and kissed the soft skin of his forehead.

“I am happy,” she replied. She touched the apple of his cheek, already less full then they’d been a year ago. “Sometimes grown ups feel happy and sad at the same time.”

Harry seemed to think this over. “How?”

“That’s a good question,” she said, her throat tight even as she couldn’t help smiling at Harry’s intense expression, this side of him the one that was more like her. “I don’t really know. I like to think as we get older and our bodies grow…you can hold more feelings inside you at once.”

“Because you get bigger?”

A wet laugh caught in her throat. “Maybe.”

She didn’t have the first clue how to really answer him. How did you explain to someone so young the way that the years built up around you, unexpected and hard won in many cases. That like a muscle, your ability to carry it all grew stronger, mainly because there was little other choice. Grief wasn’t exactly something you set down.

She continued to run her fingers through Harry’s hair, willing herself to think. She had a pile of books on how to talk to children about death and loss. Purchases she’d made out of desperation when Harry had begun speaking in more complex sentences, which had soon turned into questions she felt completely inadequate to answer.

Really, that was the matter of it all. She felt inadequately up for the task of raising Harry without James. Trying to explain to him again and again why his father was gone. That there was a sadness inside her that would never leave. That a piece of them would forever be missing.

Then there was everything else that came along with parenting. The big emotions that often took hold of her young child, the curious questions that were only growing more frequent. James would be a million times better at answering them than her. At all of it. He’d always known what to say and do. He’d always been the light that kept them all going.

She looked down at the crown of Harry’s head, now resting against her chest. All of James’s light shone through him. For Lily he kept the darkness at bay. She knew this was an unfair burden to place on a child. But it was true. He was the reason she kept going at all. The purpose that made her pry herself from bed each morning. Still, she wanted to do better.

She pressed her lips to his hairline. “Do you remember when Padfoot brought you a new broom?” Harry tilted his head, eyes meeting hers before he gave a nod. “You were so excited and happy, but then what happened?”

It only took a second for her to read the memory in his eyes. “I fell down,” he murmured, “and my knee got blood on it.”

She remembered that afternoon clearly. The bittersweet feeling of watching Harry fly higher than he had in the past. His small body already so adept and confident. He’d flown in large circles around the forested garden surrounding the tiny cottage that had belonged to Remus’s parents in Wales. The entire time she’d been unable to avoid remembering James encouraging a tinier Harry on his first broom ride. The sheer pride on his face—that would still be on his face if life was fair.

Not that she wasn’t grateful for Sirius, Remus and Mary, who were there to cheer him on, but James’s absence had been glaring and unshakable. Then Harry had taken a corner too fast, slamming his legs onto some rocks.

Lily traced the side of his face. “How did that make you feel?” she asked quietly.

Harry paused, squeezing his well loved blanket. “Sad… and scared.”

“I know sweetheart. You were hurt and that’s normal to feel. Do you remember what happened after though?”

He went still, then his eyes brightened. “We ate ice cream.”

Lily smiled. “Exactly. Uncle Padfoot saw that you were sad, so he cheered you up.” Harry nodded along and she tilted his chin so they were gazing at each other. “Sometimes sadness helps other people see that we need them.”

There was far more complexity to it than that, but she knew this type of conversation would happen over and over throughout her son’s life. She’d already had to explain difficult things to him, swallowing down the pain of Harry slowly forgetting his father outside of pictures and memories shared by her and others. Another cruel part of time passing. Though the memory of a much younger Harry searching repeatedly for James in the months afterwards had been its own agony that she would never want to repeat.

The pain was inevitable, and Lily didn’t have all the answers, but she was determined to do her best. She refused to have Harry be afraid of his feelings. James had been brave with his love. They would be too.

Harry was quiet and she kissed the top of his head again. “It’s okay to feel sad, it doesn’t mean you won’t be happy too.”

“You’re happy now?” he asked and she smiled through the tears gathering in her eyes.

“I’m very happy to be here with you right now. But I’m also sad because I miss your dad today.” Harry nodded thoughtfully and she continued to run her fingers through his hair. “I also think my heart has grown a lot, so it can hold all of that. Does that make sense?”

“I think so,” Harry said softly. His small fingers fiddled with the buttons of her blouse. Lily let the rain fill the silence, hoping that she was saying the right things.

When Harry looked back up at her, there was curiosity shining in his eyes. “Mummy?"

"Yes, love?"

A smile tugged at his lips as his hands framed her face. "Do you need ice cream?”

A hiccupped laugh escaped her and she hugged Harry tightly. All of the happiness and sadness swirling inside her as she felt the weight and feel of him. That the cheeky baby that James had known and loved was still there, even as he continued to grow and learn in leaps and bounds.

“You’re a bit of an ice cream monster,” she said finally, when she relaxed her hold.

He eyed her like he’d suspected her of having gone mad. “No. I’m just Harry.”

She taped his nose, smiling as she took in every detail of her sleep rumpled little boy. “Is that so? Alright, Just Harry…should we have a teeny tiny bite of the good stuff?”

His returning smile was all mischief, and right then the familiarity filled her with gladness. She stood up, hoisting Harry onto her hip, the blanket falling away.

“Let’s get to it then.”

#harry potter fanfic #jily #jple #toddler Harry #angst #Lily lives #james/lily

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sonicdrawsfast · 2 months

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Yokai AU. chapter one... (kinda, I'll prob remake it after I have the designs out and more figured out)

WARNINGS (for all chapters): GORE, mentions of abuse, abuse, experimentation, mentions of trauma, uncanon relationships, uncanon world and aged up characters.

Relationships: slow burn SONADOW, Knuxouge, kittails, Espilver, Vectnilla, Leosagi and others.

Other info, I'm not even joking Yokai Watch is my savior for what to call the Yokai, watch it, its such a cool show.

As the Sky Falls Over Us.

New York, a city that always crowded, bright and loud, the city that never slept and most importantly, home of the Ninja Turtles! a team of four teenage turtle mutants that went by the names of Raphael, Donatello, Leonardo and Michealanglo, heroes of the world.

The team of turtles sat atop a building, 'scouting' and defiantly not messing around while the oldest's chasm grew larger, "We're on a MISSION, not a jungle gym" Raphael spoke, sounded a bit agitated as Leo poked the soft shell's cheek, pausing and looking at Raph for good measure. "Relaxxxxx~ no one has been in trouble since we took out the Kraang, chillax, your Chasm only gets bigger~" Leonardo teased, giving a smug look to the eldest Mutant. Donatello pushed Leo's hand away with a mechanical claw, "BUT, something could happen! and you didn't even bring your battle shell! that took hours!" Leo scoffed, "my shell is FINE! I do not need it, I appreciate the work, hermano, I really do, but there's no trouble" Donnie sighed.

During the Kraang's attack Leonardo's shell had been messed up really bad... everything had. The shell and plastron protects all vital organs so it being weak and fragile made Raphael worry, it made everyone worry, except the turtle himself, who refused to lay on his back and winced visibly when it was touched. Of course, as the genius the soft shell turtle was, he made a perfect fit battle shell, not as complex as his own but stronger and more cushioned on the inside than his, not like he'd admit that, not in a thousand years.

Leonardo blew a raspberry, "nothin' it gonna happen anyway, no action, no villains, as the leader I say we go home and eat some pizza!" he cheered, Mikey perked at that, looking up from his mystic chains he'd been practicing, "...I mean, it couldn't hurt, no one as attacked, everyone is still recovering from the attack, especially you, Leo." Raphael sighed but nodded, "fine, Donnie, keep all your tech cameras on banks, museums and stuff like that, just in case.." he side eyed Leo, who was talking to Mikey now.

After riding back to the sewers in the new and improved Turtle Tank 2.0 everyone grabbed a slice of pizza from the leftovers of last night and sat down to eat in the living room. Leonardo laid on his stomach, Mikey sat criss crossed on the arm of the couch, Donatello sat on a purple bean bag and Raphael sat in the one actual chair as they watched Jupiter Jim 34. Donatello carefully studied Leonardo's shell, the cracks... jeez they were big. He noticed as Leonardo shuffled uncomfortably, he expected this, Leo always got a bit of pain when he didn't move constantly to distract himself. He sighed softly as reached into a shoulder compartment on his battle shell, it had pills in it, Midol for April or Leo if they needed it, pain killers, melatonin gummies and anti-anxiety meds, mostly for Leo. Donatello grabbed two pain killers and handed it down to Leo, he whispered, just so Leo could hear it and not above the movie playing on the projector, "take these, I can tell you need them" he said blandly before shoving them into Leo's hand, the blue twin smiled back, "thanks, DonTron..." and shoved them in his mouth and took them dry, which creeped out Donnie but he wouldn't question it.

Elsewhere, the Hidden City.

A blue Punkupine with green eyes, freckles, peach furred arms and heart shaped chest, light blue markings on his face, red shoes with a white strap that connected to a star shaped buckle, white fingerless gloves with a comical amount of sports tape was walking with a tall Kitsune with only two tails instead of the usual six, blue eyes, soft yellow fur with a white furred fluffy stomach with, big ears that wear tipped with brown, just like around his eyes and hands, that sported gloves that only show the tips of his paws so he can touch the hologram screen on his left hand. As the Kitsune typed away, regarding of the Hidden Cities reconstruction after the Kraang attack, they weren't as bad as the above world but some buildings fell through the surface, leaving many worrisome holes.

"Tails, bro, get off the screen for a while, you're gonna go blind!" the short , blue punkupine spoke, looking up at his little brother. The kitsune, now known as Tails, rolled his eyes, "first, no I won't, second, this is important Sonic! three of us best relec shops were destroyed, now human disguises prices only rise!" Sonic shook his head at Tails, "you're just grumpy because the only mint shop was destroyed." he stated a matter-of-factly, Tails grumbled, his tails spun in annoyance for a moment and his ears shifted, "..am not.." Sonic shook his head and chuckled, "whatever you say lil' bro" he waved and rushed off in dart of lightning, going around to check for severe damage and maybe a form of entertainment.

As the blue blur ran he jumped on rumble from the destroyed buildings, he looked to the roof of the hidden city and sucked a breathe in.. Amy was not going to like this. he pressed on his communicator on his wrist and rang up Tails, "heyyyy... maybe I was being a little under dramatic.. but~ the city has a few, like BIG hole leading to City Square, got any sciencey stuff to help?" he make an awkward face, hoping for the best from his genius little brother. He heard a shout on the other end of the line, "WHAT???" Tails yelled, getting some looks from other Yokai around him. He sucked a breathe in and whispered into the communicator, "..what do you mean 'there's a bunch of holes in the roof'?' "I mean, there's a-- WOAH-" static was then heard in Tails's ears as the call ended, Tails immediately panicked and spun his fluffy tails to go find Sonic.

Sonic was now jumping from place to place as more chunks of the roof fell, collapsing so fast he could already see a giant build board and people screaming. It all felt overwhelming, people?? as in HUMANS? bad news!

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moonlightsbeams · 5 months

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“Here, I want to show you something,” the Doctor says, scooting closer. “To your left, do you see that constellation?”

He points up and Donna levels him a glare. “Yes, I can pick out a constellation I've probably never seen before with my bare eyes. I'm just that talented.”

The Doctor finds Donna stargazing on a Tuesday evening and tells her what the stars meant to him in her absence.

#doctor who #fourteenth doctor #donna noble #doctor and donna #the doctor

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craftycoola · 11 months

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plans for tdf '23

Y'ALL. it's time. it's an excuse to spin more. it's tour de fleece.

spinning!me is super disorganized -- i only own one (1) spinning tool (a drop spindle) -- so i'm fully prepared for a we'll-burn-that-bridge-when-we-get-to-it kind of tdf. that's not stopping me from having Plans (TM), though!

in the interest of not ruining everyone's feeds, i'm going to keep yelling below the cut.

(also, if you don't want my hopefully-daily updates on spinning, i'll be tagging everything with #tour de fleece and #tour de fleece 2023 if you want to block)

in general, i want to spin and post progress every day. i've attempted to do daily progress things on instagram, but i always chicken out because of the Aesthetics (TM). here on the hellsite i can only hope that i will not be such a terrible pedant about lighting.

PROJECT 1: MERINO/SILK FRACTAL 3-PLY

first off is finishing what's on my spindle right now. i've got about 1/3 of a ply left to go on a fingering-weight fractal 3-ply spin in merino/silk (dyed by emily c gillies for luck of the draw december 2022). i've been working on this for WAYY too long; i started spinning it in, uhh, february.

here's the breakdown of the milestones i want to hit:

07/01: finish spinning the ply

07/02: wind a plying ball and start plying

07/04: finish plying

PROJECT 2: PERUVIAN WOOL 3-PLY

next up is another wip... kind of. i'm working on a sweater quantity of handspun -- i have one skein finished, but the rest of it has been on hold while the merino/silk takes up the spindle.

this yarn is a dk-weight 3-ply in a heathered fiber (knit picks wool of the andes roving in indigo heather). i have some leftovers on two of my makeshift bobbins from my first skein, so i'm hoping i can just slide the cops back onto my spindle and connect new fiber.

i have 800 g of the fiber, and will probably need at least 700 g for the sweater project, so... i think this should probably take the rest of the month (and beyond).

nonetheless...

PROJECT 3: DORSET WOOL CHAIN PLY

i have two GORGEOUS 100 g braids of dorset (again from emily c gillies' luck of the draw, this time for june 2023). there's an orange/pink/purple/blue gradient, and there's a coordinating pastel green/blue/purple/brown tonal.

i want to spin both up into lace/fingering-weight yarns to combine in a knitted project. to preserve the gradient, that'll get chain-plied, and i think i'll do the same on the tonal just for consistency (and because how does anyone split braids in 3???)

~~~

and i'm pretty sure there will be absolutely no time for anything else, so. that's a wrap for my @a-tour-de-fleece plans!

#tour de fleece #tour de fleece 2023 #emily c gillies #merino/silk #lotd 12/22 #knit picks #wool of the andes #wota roving #indigo heather #dorset #lotd 06/23 #craftblr #spinning #handspinning

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munchmemes · 8 months

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mitski lyrics, The Land Is Inhospitable And So Are We edition

❛ as i got older, i learned i'm a drinker. sometimes a drink feels like family. ❜

❛ did you go and make promises you can't keep? ❜

❛ amateur mistake, you can take it from me. ❜

❛ i try to remember the wrath of the devil was also given to him by god. ❜

❛ i have a hope and though she's blind with no name, she shits where she's supposed to and feeds herself while i'm away. ❜

❛ sometimes i think it would be easier without [them] but i know nothing can hurt me when i see [their] sleeping face. ❜

❛ all of our love is filling all of our room. ❜

❛ now i bend like a willow, thinking of [you/them]. ❜

❛ i sip on the rest of the coffee [you/they] left like it's a kiss left of [you/them]. ❜

❛ something set free is running through the night and the dark awaits us all around the corner. ❜

❛ here in our place we have for the day, can we stay a while and listen for heaven? ❜

❛ i don't like my mind, i don't like being left alone in a room with all its opinions about the things that i've done. ❜

❛ so, yeah, i blast music loud and i work myself to the bone and on an inconvenient christmas, i eat a cake. a whole cake, all for me. ❜

❛ there's another memory that gets stuck inside the walls of my skull waiting for its turn to talk. and it may be a few years but you can bet it's there, waiting still for me to be left alone in a room full of things that i've done. ❜

❛ i want someone to take this soul, i can't bear to keep it. ❜

❛ i'd give it just to give and all i will take are the consequences. ❜

❛ your pain is eased but you'll never be free. ❜

❛ there's a deal that i made. ❜

❛ when memories snow and cover up the driveway, i shovel all those memories and clear the path to drive to the store. ❜

❛ and if i break, could i go on break? ❜

❛ i'll be back in my room, writing speeches in my head. ❜

❛ my love is mine, all mine. ❜

❛ nothing in the world belongs to me but my love is mine, all mine. ❜

❛ nothing in the world is mine for free but my love. ❜

❛ after everyone's long been gone but me, i was hiding or forgotten. the only one left. ❜

❛ now the world is mine alone with no one to share the memory. ❜

❛ you're my best friend. now i've no one to tell how i lost my best friend. ❜

❛ remember when we met, we acted like two fools. we were so glad to have found it. ❜

❛ that love is like a star. it's gone, we just see it shining. it's traveled very far. i'll keep a leftover light burning so you can keep looking up. isn't that worth holding on? ❜

❛ you know i'd always been alone till you taught me to live for somebody. ❜

❛ you believe me like a god. i destroy you like i am. ❜

❛ i'm sorry i'm the one you love. ❜

❛ no one will ever love me like you again. ❜

❛ so, when you leave me, i should die. i deserve it, don't i? ❜

❛ one day, you'll figure me out and i'll meet judgement by the hounds. ❜

❛ people always gave me love. others were never to blame after all. ❜

❛ you believe me like a god. i betray you like a man. ❜

❛ stride through the house naked. don't even care that the curtains are open. ❜

❛ let the darkness see me. ❜

❛ streets are mine, the night is mine. all my own. ❜

❛ oh, how i love me after you. i'm king of all the land. ❜

#at the special request of my wife <3 #rp meme #rp starters #sentence starters #lyrics rp starters #lyrics starters #lyrics rp meme #roleplay meme #lyrics meme #ask meme #tag memes #mitski lyrics

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brosif40 · 6 months

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That love is like a star, it's gone

We just see it shining

It's traveled very far, I'll

Keep a leftover light burning

So you can keep looking up

Isn't that worth holding on?

#my art #the fool #this song has me in a chokehold as u can see #YAY #this and im your man / when memories snow 😭

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apocalypticavolition · 29 days

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Let's (re)Read The Dragon Reborn! Chapter 5: Nightmares Walking

Or uh, riding, since that's what my picture has. Alas. Anyway you know the drill by now I'm sure, spoilers for anything and everything under the sun in this post, especially The Wheel of Time since that's what I'm rereading.

This chapter has the Trolloc triptych because we're getting a Shadowspawn attack.

He opened his mouth to shout warning, and suddenly the door of Moiraine’s hut burst open and Lan dashed out, sword in hand and shouting, “Trollocs! Wake, for your lives! Trollocs!”

Perrin, with the magical help of an entire pack of wolves, is only ALMOST as fast to respond to a crisis as Lan. That man's real fucking badass, y'know? (But also: Perrin is fighting his powers every step of the way and Lan's got two decades of experience with his own supernatural aid. It's only a matter of time before Perrin makes Lan look like the chump.)

The Tuatha’an woman pressed her back against the log wall, a hand to her throat. The light from the burning trees showed him the pain and horror, the loathing on her face as she watched the carnage.

I was just reading some stuff iliiuan had to say on the Tuatha'an before I got into this chapter so let me just note: Leya's priorities are all out of whack here if Perrin's reliably relating her emotions. She's not keeping herself safe, she's just being judgy about violence happening in her vicinity. And it kills her.

All that mattered was that he had to reach Leya, had to get her to safety, and the Trolloc was in the way.

Perrin's desperation to do the right thing even though of course he could easily write Leya off as an inevitability (and an inconvenience until the inevitable happens to boot) is why he's a hero, you know? I'll be giving this boy the most shit out of anyone but he tries to save someone's life even though he knows he can't and that's something.

The stink of it filled his nostrils, goat-stench and sour man-sweat.

It's good to know that Trollocs produce all the scents available to them instead of just limiting themselves to one or the other. And by good I obviously mean gross, but since I read it you have to too!

She was still there, huddled in front of the hut, not more than ten paces upslope. And watching him with such a look on her face that he could barely meet her eyes.

Leya's zealotry may be a formative trauma for Perrin I think.

Suddenly Leya moved, throwing herself forward, attempting to wrap her arms around the Myrddraal’s legs.

Well that's great and all Leya but isn't restraining someone so they can't move a very light form of violence? Like good... well good may be strong, but some kind of positive adjective... effort trying to protect Perrin and all but if you tripped the Fade isn't that causing it physical harm? Where is the line for the Tuatha'an? Did she in the last moment of her life betray her own beliefs for nothing? Concerning if so.

“Fade,” Perrin said roughly, but then a different name came to him, from the wolves. Trollocs, the Twisted Ones, made during the War of the Shadow from melding men and animals, were bad enough, but the Myrddraal—. “Neverborn!” Young Bull spat.

Half the reason we don't get Rand POVs much in this book is that Perrin's stealing his TGH schtick of losing himself in his newfound powers. I think this is something of a leftover from the proto-Tam character who was going to be Jesus AND the luckiest SOB ever AND a werewolf AND probably a really good shot I guess or whatever that fourth kid was supposed to contribute. Being easily replaceable, maybe?

The urge to rush down the slope and join his brothers, join in killing the Twisted Ones, in hunting the remaining Neverborn, was strong, but a buried fragment that was still man remembered. Leya.

Perrin will of course spend this book (and the next... ten?) afraid that he might turn into a werewolf forever because of an encounter, but we see right here that this isn't a risk for him because he's always got stuff to pull him back. Leya's barely in the list of ten most recent people he talked to but he won't abandon his humanity for her sake - how much less likely is he to abandon it once he's got Faile?

He no longer thought of the greater battle. There was only the Trolloc he and the wolves—the brothers—cut off from the rest and brought down. Then there would be another, and another, and another, until none were left. None here, none anywhere.

Obviously this is a terrible viewpoint to adapt if you're trying to be the strategy guy, but since Perrin isn't that anyway and the battle isn't reliant on such things, it actually works for him here. He's also more aware of himself than he was with the Whitecloaks, showing he's developed a little with his powers even if he's afraid of them.

Young Bull threw back his head and howled with her, mourned with her. When he lowered his head, Min was staring at him. “Are you all right, Perrin?” she asked hesitantly.

Note that while Min's obviously freaked out by Perrin embracing his inner furry, she's not exactly treating him like a freak show either. Like I said, she'd probably be very supportive if she knew the details.

Frantically he walled himself off from contact with the wolves. Images seeped through, emotions, as he tried to stop them. Finally, though, he could no longer feel them, feel their pain, or their anger, or the desire to hunt the Twisted Ones, or to run. . . .

Again we can kind of see how the proto-Tam's various aspects would have tied into a central character arc, with rejecting the naturalistic wolf expression being just one more way he would have been hardening himself and just one more thing he'd need to embrace to be the full hero at the end.

The Shienarans still standing—so few—lifted their blades and joined him. “Tai’shar Manetheren! Tai’shar Andor!”

Hell, even the Shienarans aren't that judgmental since they are already following Rand around.

But when he was with the wolves, it was all so different. He did not have to worry about strangers being afraid of him just because he was big, then. There was no one thinking he was slow-witted just because he tried to be careful. Wolves knew each other even if they had never met before, and with them he was just another wolf.

Is it wrong that occasionally I think Perrin might be a little bit on the spectrum?

“A sign to confirm our faith. Even wolves came to fight for the Dragon Reborn. In the Last Battle, the Lord Dragon will summon even the beasts of the forest to fight at our sides. It is a sign for us to go forth. Only Darkfriends will fail to join us.”

Masema is of course foreshadowing his delightful nonsense, showcasing how he was still corrupted by Fain, and letting Jordan make it subtly clear that the real Last Battle will be more complicated. It's not just Darkfriends who won't be on the side of the Light, even at the very end.

Do you know what I did during the fight?” Still staring into the distance, Rand addressed the night. “Nothing! Nothing useful. At first, when I reached out for the True Source, I couldn’t touch it, couldn’t grasp it. It kept sliding away. Then, when I finally had hold of it, I was going to burn them all, burn all the Trollocs and Fades. And all I could do was set fire to some trees.”

Rand's an incredible channeler, but even he needs a teacher.

“We . . . dealt with them, Rand,” Perrin said. He shivered, thinking of all the wounded men down below. And the dead. Better that than the mountain down on top of us. “We didn’t need you.”

And likewise, in the final conflict, no one will be needing Rand to deal with the individual Shadowspawn and even if he could deal with them to keep the people alive it would be a waste of everyone's time.

There had been a man, Elyas Machera, who also could talk to wolves. Elyas ran with the wolves all the time, yet seemed able to remember he was a man. But he had never told Perrin how he did it, and Perrin had not seen him in a long time.

Sorry Perrin, but he doesn't really pull it off anywhere near well enough for your standards.

He gasped and almost dropped his axe. He could feel the skin on his back crawling, muscles writhing as they knit back together. His shoulder quivered uncontrollably, and everything blurred. Cold seared him to the bone, then deeper still. He had the impression of moving, falling, flying; he could not tell which, but he felt as if he were rushing—somewhere, somehow—at great speed, forever.

Another reminder that the best modern Aes Sedai have for healing at this point is emergency care, which works but definitely isn't the good stuff. Moiraine even tells him to eat afterward.

“Most of the wolves who were hurt made their own way to the forest,” Moiraine said, knuckling her back and stretching, “but I Healed those I could find.” Perrin gave her a sharp look, yet she seemed to be just making conversation. “Perhaps they came for their own reasons, yet we would likely all be dead without them.”

Moiraine is nice enough to try and thank Perrin subtly, but of course he's much too suspicious for any of that.

“If you could get me to Shayol Ghul now,” Rand said drowsily, “by Waygate or Portal Stone, there could be an end to it. No more dying. No more dreams. No more.”

It would obviously have a terrible ending, but a fanfic of Moiraine somehow taking sleep-deprived Rand to Shayol Ghul and just kind of hoping for the best would be hysterical. This Rand might not be as traumatized as he's going to be, but I still think assuming he'd last five minutes before agreeing to let the Dark One unmake reality is overly generous.

“That’s right,” Rand said bitterly. “I’m not to be trusted. Lews Therin Kinslayer killed everyone close to him. Maybe I’ll do the same before I am done.” “Pull yourself together, sheepherder,” Lan said harshly. “The whole world rides on your shoulders. Remember you’re a man, and do what needs to be done.”

If Perrin or Mat had tried sassing Lan like this they would have learned what their pancreas looked like once chopped in half before finishing the second sentence, so while Lan's toxic masculinity is of course only adding to the Dragonmount of psychological issues Rand's going to need to deal with, let's also reflect that it's still him going easy on his favorite boy.

Next time: Ingtar leads the crew out of Fal Dara, Rand finds out Moiraine fucked with his belongings again, and Lanf--

Wait no. Sorry. That was LAST book's chapter "The Hunt Begins". Next time we read THIS book's version, which probably has a lot less Ingtar due to his having a prior commitment. Also much less Rand on account of his running away.

#let's read #wheel of time #wot #robert jordan #wheel of time spoilers #wot spoilers #perrin aybara #lan al'mandragoran #moiraine damodred #leya #min farshaw #loial #masema dagar #uno nomesta #rand al'thor

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