#I swear it's never been this bad. I've never felt more aware of how much weight I gained in my life

[curlycarrion]

if you’re up for it, here’s a request! fem!reader can’t stop staring at her boyfie sanji after styling his hair (his film red hair to be exact) & he teases her for it, which leads them to flirt back & forth with each other 💗 i swear he just looks extra good with that hair style 😮‍💨

Fluffy hair

Reader: fem reader, use of the word beautiful

Warnings: None really, a little suggestive near the end but nothing bad at all

Wc: 969 (nice but wasn't planned)

A/n: Sorry this took so long! Real life me is a very awkward and shy person who has never flirted before so I was tryin to figure out how to write this 😅 My back was also hurtin crazy bad so I got distracted for a bit. Either way if it's written a little awkwardly or rushed that's why but I still hope you like it. Thank you for bein my first request! I really appreciate it 💛💛💛

The kitchen was quiet save for the sound of a knife as it meets the cutting board with each well practiced precise cut. The tea sat in front of you that had been lovingly made by the man before you cooling as it sits, forgotten. You eyes instead following the movement of your lover, contentedly watching as sets about his work. It was a sight you had seen many times and will, hopefully, see for many more. The movement of his fingers as they curl on the vegetables in front of him, the flex of his shoulders and the muscles in his back beneath his shirt with each diligent slice, the shifting of the fabric when he slides the freshly chopped and diced items into a nearby bowl. It really was a sight that you'd grown accustomed to and fond of. Though your usual act of watching the cook had been amplified by the change he had made that morning, his hair.

You had always loved his hair, how could you not? But the way he had decided to arrange the blond locks today had made it look even more appealing. It suited him. The more fluffy and slightly messy look to it was different from the usual more put together nature of it. It looked soft and welcoming, like you could run your fingers through it and rustle the strands without worry of messing it up too much.

A small knowing smile graced Sanji's face as he had his back turned to you. He was well aware that your eyes were on him. He always could feel when you had grace him with your gaze, even before the two of you had gotten together. While before the thought of you looking at him just as much as he did you sent his heart into a tizzy and the butterflies to swarm in his stomach now it just filled him with a soft sense of comfort that you were there with him.. though the fluttering in his heart never did fully cease no matter how much time has passed. It was just easier to manage knowing that you felt the same. Something he still couldn't fully wrap his mind around.

"See something you like beautiful? If you stare any longer your tea is going to go cold." He asks after letting the quiet of the room settle for long enough. Tilting his head to look at you sat on the table behind him with a smile. You blink out of your thoughts when the sound of his voice meets you. A sliver of embarrassment making itself known in your mind to be caught staring.

"I see plenty I like," you respond smoothly while shaking off the feeling "and if it gets too cold I can just have you warm it up for me." He smiles as he hears your response, cleaning his hands off on a rag and making his way over to you as you're sat.

"Why is it that I've seem to caught your attention so readily mon cœur?" He asks as he sets his gaze on you. Leaning a hand on the table next to the ceramic that sits in front of you.

"Isn't my attention already always on you?" The returned question causes a warm fluttering to fill his chest. A small chuckle leaving him while leaning a little closer.

"That isn't what I meant love."

"I know," You begin with a grin "it's your hair. The way you did it today looks nice." The answer makes him smile a little wider. He's always glad to know that you pay attention to whatever change he makes, that fact that you pay close attention to the little changes always filling him with a little more fondness with each word.

"My hair? What is it you like so much about it?" Taking advantage of the closer proximity you find yourself leaning forward a touch. One hand coming to his tie to pull him down a little as the other moves to his hair, teasing the strands between your fingers. Pleased with the way it feels against your skin.

"The way you've styled it today makes it look so soft and fluffy." The words are said in a softer tone, sweet in how the come to his ears. He can already feel himself falling into you when you'd lead him down so gently only to be met with a similar gentleness in your tone. Forming only a simple response after you'd spoken.

"Oh?" Seeing you were starting to affect him your smile grows a little more mischievous, leaning in closer, an inch away from him. So close yet not close enough.

"Mhm.. it looks so inviting, like it's begging for me to run my fingers through it." You start quietly while inching your fingers further up through his hair. Watching with delight as his breath hitches a little at the touch and you looks down to you with slightly wider eyes as you lean in closer to his ear. Purring out your next words.

"It'd be perfect to hold onto and tug when you taste your next meal." Sufficiently satisfied with the flustered state you'd brought out of him you press a quick kiss to his cheek. Standing up and giving an innocent look as you head to the door.

"Well I've got things to do, thanks for keeping me company darling~!" You practically skip out of the door as you call out to him over your shoulder in that candied honey tone. Seemingly not caring to have left him hunched dizzily over the table with steam coming out of his ears and a hand clutched to his nose. It seems it'll still be a while until he'll fully be over how much you affect him after all.

#black leg sanji x reader #one piece #one piece fanfiction #one piece imagine #one piece sanji x reader #one piece x reader #op x reader #sanji x reader #sanji x y/n #sanji x you #writing requests 💛

[gravedigginbbydoll]

Hawkins University : The Munson Edition

AN: Hey y'all! I'm beyond sorry for the wait but I've been busy with moving and everything. This chapter is a bit of a shorter one, so I'm sorry. But it's comforting. Also, I swear there will be MUCH SMUT next chapter. Anyway, I hope you enjoy it! Also pls, remember that reblogs and comments are appreciated! I love feedback!

→ cliches: friends to lovers, heavy use of nicknames instead of Y/N, we're all just struggling college kids, Music Tutor! Eddie, Resident Assistant! Reader, good girl x bad boy, instant connections, 'I don't trust most people but I trust you', 'are we friends or more?', and 'I can't believe you're such a slut that you have a special dtf drawer...'

→ warnings: mature topics, insecurity, hurt and comfort, drinking and drug usage, strong language, bullying, mental health, discussion of suicide and self harm, mature thoughts, eventual smut, minors dni

→ pairing: modern!college!eddie x college!fem!reader

<Previous Masterlist Next>

Chapter 7

Eddie's POV

Eddie hadn’t heard from you for almost 2 weeks. He was beside himself with worry. At the party, had been discussing with Chrissy about his costume when Argyle came up to him, rambling about you rushing out the door. Eddie felt his stomach sink. He was originally looking for you, but Chrissy had stopped him.  She asked him what he was, and Eddie began playing off as the goofy class clown he was known as so as to hide the hurt she caused when he had last seen her. 

After Argyle let him know about you rushing out the door, Eddie looked everywhere for you. The bookstore at the corner of Hawkins Town Square where you loved to thumb through stacks of old and well loved books. The coffee shop that doubled as a bar that was open late on the edge of campus, where you loved curling up on the velour dark green loveseat. Mr. Frosty’s, where you and Eddie first felt a tug to one another. You were nowhere to be found. 

Eddie had called you over and over, voice raw by the 50th voicemail. His heart had felt sore, his mind swimming with worries. You were so strong and consistently hid your true feelings, trying to appear perfect. Eddie never pried too far, scared to push you away. 

By 4 am, Eddie returned home, a small part of his heart hoping you would be on his sofa, the extra key he had given you in use. But he came into an empty and cold apartment, not a soul in sight. 

Eddie had seen you the following week in class, later than usual, sitting in the back. He felt relief flooding his veins, about to speak to you once the class was over. However, he was stumped after you rushed out of class, feeling stung. 

He asked around, no one seeming to know what happened to you to have you give Eddie the cold shoulder. To have you look so…hollow. 

Until he got to Robin. 

He had begged her to tell him what happened, her eyes betraying her with worry and nervousness. She sighed, giving in slightly but her answer just puzzled Eddie even more. 

“Look Eddie, I can’t tell you. It’s not my place. Just give her some time, okay?”

Eddie couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t eat. He felt his heart sink deeper and deeper the longer this went on. You didn’t answer texts or calls. He felt like his stability was crumbling. 

But he clung to the hope that something would change. 

Eddie had waited until the two weeks were over to text you via Steve’s phone. 

Can we talk? 

He felt his heart leap out of his chest when you responded. 

Sure

I can head over around 4

Just don’t tell Eddie, k?

Eddie’s stomach twisted in knots, guilt consuming him. He shouldn’t have pretended to be Steve, and it was clear that Steve was aware of the situation but was staying out of it. He just wanted his old best friend back. Or at least to apologize. 

Eddie waited by the door, pacing back and forth, his insides flopping like a fish. He didn’t know how you’d react to the set up. Or if you would even stay. 

A knock sounded at the door, causing Eddie to jump and his heart to beat faster. He opened the door, staying behind it as you walked in, rambling. You were clearly frazzled, still in your work polo, a cup of iced coffee in one hand and your keys in the other. Eddie let you talk, his heart pounding as he softly closed the door, your back to him. 

“Look, I don’t know what Robin told you but I just need some space and time. I know-” 

“Bug…,” Eddie softly interrupted, hands shaking as he let the familiar nickname escape his mouth. 

You froze in place, turning around to look at Eddie. His heart broke as he saw your tired eyes and almost sickly face. You looked on the verge of tears. Your hands tightened on your coffee, your knees a bit shaky. 

“Eddie…Did you text me?,” You asked, your voice quivering with emotion. Eddie couldn’t pinpoint exactly what the feeling was but he felt a tug at his heart. He nodded, causing you to sigh shakily, your shoulders slumping. 

“I…I have to go,” You muttered, eyes glassy with unshed tears, trying to rush past Eddie to the door. 

Eddie felt panic prick at his nerves as he stepped in front of you, eyes sorrowful and longing. He leaned down to meet your gaze that was trying to focus on the welcome mat at the door. 

“Please…Just…tell me what happened? I can’t stand this…I miss my best friend,” Eddie choked out, his throat tightening as he felt the prick of tears at the back of his eyes. His hands clenched and unclenched, trying to reach out to you. 

You bit your lip, looking at Eddie's shaky hands. You stayed quiet for a bit. Finally, when you spoke up, your voice was thick with tears, Eddie realizing as they ran down your face, your soft sniffles practically echoing in the room. “I don’t want to lose you… But I can’t be friends anymore,” You sobbed, your shoulders shaking. 

Eddie felt his heart shatter, his hands shaking as he tried to reach out to touch you but stopped himself, clenching his fist. He was desperate at this point. His words flowed out without any walls up, a rare occasion for the Munson boy. 

“Please, I’ll do anything. Hell, I’ll even beg. Just let me know what I did wrong, or what happened… You’re the best person I’ve ever met and I’d be lost without you…I miss our sleepovers, our late night talks, our cuddle sessions, the way you talk me down from an anxiety attack…the way we are both so different yet so alike. You’re like this bright star full of warmth and I can’t stand the thought of losing you and never knowing how in the world I fucked up so badly, I-,” Eddie rushed out, sobs shaking his tall frame, his nose and eyes tinged red now, his eyes stinging from the salty tears. 

You shook softly, crying as Eddie rambled, shaking your head. “I just… God it’s pathetic…” 

Eddie came closer, grabbing your shoulder softly to try and look into your eyes despite his blurred vision. “P-please, Bug. Please…” 

You looked up at the ceiling rather than Eddie, your tears flowing steadily. Eddie felt his heart break once again. Girls full of mystery and humbleness and sunshine through the clouds and soft cozy days shouldn’t sob. At least not because of their idiot fucked up and grumpy metalhead friends. 

“I… I like you Eddie. I have for a while. You’re easy to be around and always know what to say and do. You’re so unapologetically…you. And I tried to push down the feelings and ignore them. It was working. For a while, at least. But then I saw you with that girl at the party and heard Steve mention some hot girl you liked and…I couldn’t handle the hurt. I’m sorry,” Your voice shook as you tried to keep your voice calm and without letting the sobs wrack your body. 

Eddie’s heart somehow lifted up into his throat and sank into his shoes at the same time. How did he not see it before? He had been so blindsided by trying to ignore his own budding feelings for you that he hurt you. 

You looked so tired and shaky, eyes still avoiding him. You tried to brush past him yet again. Eddie felt his heart leap as he rushed to grab your hand, stopping you. 

“Bug…please…I like you too.” 

You turned with a humorless laugh, eyes still glossy but you were holding back tears. Eddie felt a prick of confusion and hurt. 

“Yeah right, Eds. Just, please don’t lie to me. It’s okay. I’ll get over it,” You sighed, voice sharp with hurt. 

“I’m not lying,” Eddie said sternly, his eyes trying to peer into your own. You looked at him for the first time since entering through his door, your face guarded from emotion despite your eyes. 

“Eddie…you’re you. And I’m me. You have a different person over every week, you have a reputation. I'm a boring college girl with a thankless snitchy job and no one tries to come on to me. Just…stop lying,” You said bitterly, your voice soft despite the sharp edges in your words. 

Eddie felt his blood boil and his heart squeezed with sorrow. How could you not see everything you meant to him? How could you not see how funny and unique you were? How amazing and accomplished? “Look, maybe I’m Eddie ‘The Manwhore’ Munson, but I’ve stopped hooking up with people. For a while now. Since I’ve known you. I was talking to Chrissy at the party and joking around because she asked about my costume. But I wasn’t flirting. I hadn’t seen her since early September.” 

You looked away, folding in on yourself, your shoulders deflated. Eddie couldn’t stand the pout on your lips, the furrow on your brow. He wanted to kiss them away. 

“You’re all I’ve thought of and the only person I’ve ever needed so strongly in my life. You’re so amazing and you don’t even see it, Bug. Let me show you. Please,” Eddie pleaded, tilting your chin up to look at him, your eyes wide and full of fear and shock. He felt his heart trying to break free of his ribcage, his emotions coming over him in waves. His eyes flitted back and forth between your parted lips and red rimmed eyes, the invisible tug towards you strong. Your eyelids fluttered as you nodded, sighing out softly. 

Eddie leaned down slowly, still holding your chin in his hand before softly kissing your lips, his mouth slightly chapped against your soft mouth. He was gentle and slow, holding your jaw as if he was scared you’d break. When you finally pulled away, you both stared at each other. Eddie saw the clear shock and flustered expression on your face, reveling in your sudden shyness. 

“See,” He teased in a soft whisper. “I like you, dumbass.” 

You smiled softly up at him, laughing a bit. 

Eddie’s heart soared. You were worth the risk. 

Taglist: @josephquinnsfreckles @corrodedcoffincumslut @kirisuteg0men @bebe07011 @amira0303 @vintagehellfire @lottie-90 @animechick555

#eddie munson #stranger things #eddie munson x reader #stranger things 4 #eddie munson smut #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson x you #eddie munson/reader #eddie munson angst #eddie munson au #stranger things au #stranger things au fanfic #modern! eddie munson #modern! college! eddie munson #stranger things college au #eddie munson college au #platonic steddie #platonic stobin #bisexual eddie munson #eddie munson x fem!reader smut #eddie munson x female!reader #eddie munson x fem! reader #eddie munson x female reader #eddie munson x y/n

[roses-r-rosie3]

miguel x Alchemax reader

reader used miguel and ended up giving him drugs to destabilize him because they were loyal to Alchemax. in the society after a long time dating they finally admit they used him

it goes into miguel’s pov focus on lyrics

Hate to give the satisfaction asking how you're doing now

How's the castle built off people you pretend to care about?

Just what you wanted

Look at you, cool guy, you got it

I see the parties and the diamonds sometimes when I close my eyes

Six months of torture you sold as some forbidden paradise

I loved you truly

You gotta laugh at the stupidity

[Chorus]

'Cause I've made some real big mistakes

But you make the worst one look fine

I should've known it was strange

You only come out at night

I used to think I was smart

But you made me look so naive

The way you sold me for parts

sorry if i it’s to much

Vampire

Miguel O’Hara x M!Reader

Warnings: Angst, swearing, drugging, divorce

Quote: “NO! It never would have benefited both of us! It would have only benefited YOU! Not US! YOU!”

✁ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

You and Miguel were dating back when he was still working for Alchemex. You two would always flirt with each other while you were there, and all the flirting eventually lead up to the two of you dating. But the whole thing with a subject dying and stone drugging him, Miguel quit Alchemex.

You however, you were about to quit too after you heard about what happened. But stone was aware of this and he had a plan that could benefit him. He knew about your relationship with Miguel so he called you to his office and offered you a raise if you continued to drug Miguel. You were reluctant at first, but the more you thought about it, the more you started to think about the benefits, and you accepted it. So You lied and told Miguel that you quit Alchemex.

The first time you had to drug Miguel was while he was asleep, after doing it, you immediately felt bad, but you decided to make it up to him by taking him to the mall and buying him whatever he wanted.

“Y/n where did you get all this money from? Didn’t you just quit?” Miguel jokingly asked.

“I found a job that had a high salary, now are you gonna be nosy or are you gonna continue shopping” you fake laughed.

Miguel was a bit suspicious but quickly forgot about it after the two of you were done shopping. The time came and you had to drug Miguel again, and you once again did it while he was asleep. And little did you know 2 times turned into 3 and three turned into a 10 whole years.

You and Miguel’s relationship still remained untouched though, you two still had the same love for each other as when you first met. Miguel even proposed to you, to which you happily accepted, and the two of you got married. However, Miguel was getting noticeably more weak, and you were getting more and more guilty about doing this to him.

You finally had enough. You couldn’t just keep hurting Miguel and act like nothing is wrong. You knew Miguel probably wouldn’t want to be with you, but he deserved to know the truth.

“Hey Miguel can we talk?” You asked.

“Of course baby” Miguel said as he scooted over for you to lay next to him in your shared bed.

You sat on the edge of the bed with your back facing towards him.

“Okay what’s wrong? Is something bothering you?” Miguel asked in concern.

You just broke down in tears, letting out all the guilt that has been building up for the past 10 years.

“Hey, hey, baby just tell me what’s wrong” Miguel said as he hugged you.

“No Miguel, I don’t deserve you” you sobbed.

“Of course you do-”

“No Miguel, I don’t! I’m still working for Alchemex! Stone offered me a raise if I drugged you! And I’ve been doing it for the past 10 years while you were asleep! I can’t do it anymore!” You cried.

“You- you what?” Miguel said, his voice got darker.

“I’m so sorry Miguel, it would have benefited both of us” you tried to plead.

Miguel backed away from you and got off of the bed.

“NO! It never would have benefited both of us! It would have only benefited YOU! Not US! YOU!” Miguel yelled.

“Miguel please-”

“So what?!? You think a simple little apology is going to fix the 10 years of damage you’ve done to me!” Miguel screamed at you.

“I never meant for any of this to happen Miguel, I’m sorry” you croaked.

“So you didn’t mean to take the money?! You didn’t mean drug me?! You didn’t mean to use me?! You used me as a pawn in your little game! You’re pathetic y/n!” Miguel roared.

“I really did love you Miguel, I really wanted to build a family with you” you said weakly.

“Well guess what y/n?! You ruined that family! You ruined our relationship! So what if we did end up adopting a kid?! Would you have still drug me while both me and our kid were asleep?!” Miguel yelled.

“I really thought I could trust you y/n! I really thought you and me would be forever!” Miguel yelled.

“I’m sorry Miguel” you said.

“Stop saying sorry y/n! You weren’t ever sorry for the past 10 years!” Miguel screamed.

It went radio silent for a good 3 minutes after Miguel said that.

“I’m leaving” Miguel said before storming out of your shared house.

You were left there with the consequences of your own actions. You cried yourself to sleep that day. When you woke up, you reached over to Miguel's side of the bed, hoping to feel Miguel's warm body next to you, but instead, you got the feeling of cold sheets.

Before you knew it one day of Miguel being gone turned into one week. At that point, you were feeling hopeless. Until you heard your door bell ring. You rushed to the door to see who it was. When you opened the door, you saw Miguel, but he was holding a paper in his hands.

Miguel shoved the paper into your hands and you looked at it. When you looked at it, and you read through it. It felt like you were hit by a train when you finally realized it was divorce papers, and Miguel already signed his name. You looked up at Miguel with tears starting build up in your eyes once again.

"You really want this?" You trembled.

"Yes y/n, we're over" Miguel said calmly.

It hurt you that Miguel was so calm about it, after all the memories you two built together. But it was only fair because of what you did to him, so you signed the papers and handed it back to Miguel.

"Goodbye Miguel" you sighed as Miguel walked away from your once beloved house of memories.

#male x male #mlm #malexmale #male reader #mxm #gay #miguel x y/n #miguel o’hara x y/n #miguel x you #miguel spiderman #miguel o'hara #miguel o’hara x male reader #miguel o'hara x male reader #miguel o’hara x reader #atsv miguel #miguel x reader #miguel spiderverse #miguel o’hara #angst #atsv x reader #atsv x male reader #atsv #miguel atsv #atsv fic #rosesrrosie3 #miguel ohara x male reader

[demiaroacejolynekujo]

This post contains some spoilers from The Amazing Digital Circus. This post also contains critiques in regard to Vivziepop, Helluva Boss, and Hazbin Hotel. Vivziepop stans (as in the people who defend her work and her as a person) are not allowed to interact with me. Any Vivziepop fan who sends me asks (especially Anon asks) will be deleted. Any fans who DM me will have their message deleted and will be blocked. Finally, anyone who screenshots this post and makes a post tagging me in it to defending Vivziepop will be blocked.

I'm not trying to get people to harass Vivziepop and harass anyone who is a fan of her. And I'm not trying to stop people from supporting Vivziepop and not trying to make people feel bad about supporting her either. Watch whatever you want. Take this post with a grain of salt. And if you get somewhat upset with the criticisms I have for Vivziepop, then that's your problem.

Vivziepop antis and critical fans are allowed to interact.

Earlier today, I watched The Amazing Digital Circus, and these are my final thoughts.

Honestly, the pilot was really good, and I'm looking forward to it finally becoming a full-fledged series. And I'm looking forward to it expanding the Lore as well. I'm curious as to how Pomni got trapped there in the first place and other stuff like the void and the exit door thing.

What I appreciate it is that it didn't need copious amounts of swearing, unlike other comedy web series like Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss. There were swears, but they were more spread out and brief on top of the swears being censored.

Even though Gooseworx has worked with Vivziepop in the past, I find TADC to be leagues better than HH and HB. I've seen a video about the drama surrounding Gooseworx, but from what I've seen,the stuff they have done is much more tame than the shit Vivziepop has pulled.

I hope to see more Amazing Digital Circus content to come out in the future. I'm interested as to see where the series will go. Unlike Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss, it didn't feel like I was watching something that felt like it was created by an edgy middle schooler. The female characters had much more personality than the ones from HH and HB, despite it being just a pilot.

Another thing to point out is that the cast of TADC had a lot of fresh faces to the voice acting industry, unlike Hazbin and Helluva Boss, where Vivziepop relied on casting big name actors in order to garner more attention to her work. And I'm going to be fully honest, I find it really sus at the fact that the OG cast of HH couldn't return because they didn't unionize in order to get their roles back. A lot of them were fully new to the industry, too, which is the sad part. I wish that Vivziepop wouldn't rely on hiring big-name actors in her work and would hire people who are very new to the voice acting scene who are desperate to land a role as some of them rely on voice acting as their main source of income.

To end this post, I just want to point out that I'm not blaming Vivziepop for the fact that the original cast of Hazbin Hotel didn't get their roles back. But at the same time, that whole situation feels questionable to me. Until I hear the full story about it, then I'll decide if she should be held accountable or not. However, the whole hiring big actors thing has been a critique of mine for a while on top of the use of the r slur in Helluva Boss (even though it was only said once and was almost again, it shouldn't have been used at all as it's an ableist slur and I'm a disabled person who has been called the r slur many times in the past). I'm fully aware that HB takes place in hell, but using hell as a way to excuse the use of the r slur is ableist. It's still ableist to call someone the r slur regardless of the setting and the context. The r slur should never be used as a way to call someone stupid. I'm not sure if Vivziepop wrote the script herself, but whoever is in charge of the script should be careful of the type of language they use in the show. I'm fully aware that both Helluva Boss and Hazbin Hotel are adult shows, but it doesn't mean it's an excuse to normalize offensive and bigoted language. It doesn't help that the shows poorly portray women (like how Millie is just reduced to being Moxxie's wife and likes killing) even though the creator of both shows is a woman.

I'm just gonna stop here for now. I'm going to go back to waiting for more Amazing Digital Circus content to come out.

#the amazing digital circus #anti vivziepop #vivziepop critical #vivziepop criticism #vivziepop critique #anti helluva boss #helluva boss critical #helluva boss criticism #helluva boss critique #anti hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel critical #hazbin hotel criticism #hazbin hotel critique

[the-modern-typewriter]

Hi! Your work is simply captivating, it's amazing how you can convey such strong emotions in your stories. If you're still taking requests, can you write a snippet where the villain has captured the hero and needs to hurt them (e.g. a broken leg) to prevent them from escaping? If you could have the villain tautingly/gently comfort the hero after they have injured them that would be great.

Sorry if this has been requested before, keep up the good work! :]

It started with the villain holding up their belt, all soft leather and silver buckle glinting in the overly-bright light.

"Would you like to bite down on this?" the villain asked, oh so courteous. "It might help."

The hero had taken one single look at the villain's face, at the simple baseball bat in their hands, and nodded. They knew the villain after all.

"Hold still, okay?" The villain tucked a strand of hair back from the hero's fear-sweaty forehead. "I'd like to make it a nice clean break. Neither of us wants to to mangle you, hm?"

It wasn't that the words didn't cross the hero's mind; the 'I won't run, I swear' and the 'I promise I won't even try and escape this time' and the 'please'. Of course it did. It was only that none of those declarations would make a difference, and the wait was its own prolonged sort of agony. So was holding still, though.

"Here," the hero mumbled around the belt, instead, pointing with entirely too steady hand to the exact spot. "For the least permanent damage."

The villain beamed at them, all soft and fond around the many edges of them. They hit the spot exactly.

It ended with the villain's arms curled around the hero as surely as shackles, cradling them close, as the hero's vision popped nauseous black spots.

"Shh, shh." The villain pressed a kiss against the hero's hair. "I've got you."

The words made the hero aware that they were still making sound. Raw, keening, involuntarily. They spat out the belt, shuddering, distantly aware of the bite marks tearing the material. Bile clawed up their throat. They felt dizzy. Too hot. Too cold. Their leg -

Well. They couldn't think about their leg.

The villain's closeness was an overwhelming thing; their expensive scent, their warm hands, their breath against the hero's skin. Overwhelming was better than thinking about the leg. Maybe. The hero squeezed their eyes shut.

Stop thinking about the leg.

"You're alright," the villain murmured. "You did so well! Barely even a flinch. And your screaming -" The villain's grip tightened, a reassuring little squeeze of the hero's shoulders. "Just lovely. Perfect."

The villain hadn't always been like that. Once, the words, the praise, would have left something warm fluttering through the hero. Maybe, shamefully, it still did. Given the alternative.

"I'm so proud of you," the villain said. "You break so beautifully."

"Painkillers?"

"Oh, love."

Right. Of course not. What a stupid question. They pressed their face against the villain's shoulder, breathing hard, not sure if they were waiting for the ringing throbbing pain of it to stop, for the world to soften into something more manageable, or to pass out into sweet oblivion. Whatever came first, perhaps.

They did not pass out. Eventually, they even managed to sit up, leaning back heavily against the headboard of the bed. The villain's touch lingered, caressing a tear away from their cheek.

The villain picked up their belt again, head tilting as they considered the hero.

The hero's stomach lurched, twisted, threatened to upchuck every rancid thing in it. Their eyes widened.

The villain clicked their tongue at the hero's expression.

"It's your own fault," the villain said. "You'd hop. You never take reasonable bed rest, do you? You're much too conscientious. Too talented an escape artist."

"I'm not," the hero said. "I'm like, so bad. My focus is shot. I don't - I won't - [Name]."

"Now, now," the villain offered them the belt again. "Don't talk down about yourself. You're magnificent. Brilliant. Utterly deadly. Only person who could ever beat me, yeah?"

The hero swallowed. Their track record, their damn perfect track record, spoke for itself. "We're done, after this?"

The villain offered them the belt again.

"I think we've established it's best you don't talk at all for the next bit."

They would have to be done. They would have to be.

#whump #heroes and villains #well this is screwed up lol #enjoy #whump writing #story #short story #writing #creative writing #fiction #fic #ficlet #maybe something more sweet or flirty next time haha

[halsteadlover]

Locked In pt. III

*Gif not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x F!Reader.

• Requested: yes by anon.

• Warnings: angst, lots of swearing.

• Word count: 4198.

• A/N: so this is 3rd and last part of Locked In and I want to apologize in advance for how this turned out. I hope you’ll like this one and if you want please comment, like and reblog, it’d be amazing. Thank you so much for your support, constantly, you are all serious the best I can’t express in words how happy you all make me with even a reblog or a comment! Love you all so much ❤️

<- Part one - part two

Four days passed since your assault in the prison and you’ve never been happier in your life to go back home, starting to lose your mind in that hospital room.

That bastard had really messed you up: head trauma, rib fractures, bruises around your neck and all over your face, split lips, bad knuckles, internal bleeding. The pain relievers and meds were helping to keep the pain at bay a bit but they certainly couldn't stop the twinges between your ribs every time you stood up or even took a deep breath.

You were so excited to go home, although aware that weeks of rest lay ahead, weeks in which you knew you would certainly lose your mind.

And the situation with Jay didn't make things any better.

After the bomb he had thrown at you, in fact, Jay had completely disappeared.

It was no use writing him message after message, calling him and every time the robotic voice started the voicemail when you called him, you felt the anger growing more and more inside you.

He never came back to see you, not even once and this, in addition to giving you uncontrolled anger, made your heart break, because you’d never, ever have imagined he’d behave like that.

Your mind travels in every direction during those four days, you thought of every possible scenario but none of them helped you find a plausible explanation that could have justified his behavior.

His words kept running through your head for every second in the days following the attack and, given the evolution of the situation, you began to think they were just a lie, a dirty lie.

He said he loved you, he said he had feelings for you, what kind of person acts like that? What kind of person confesses their love and then run away like a coward and disappears?

You couldn't help but cry, God, you cried so much in those days, tears you didn't even know you had. You cried because you felt like an idiot, because you felt so vulnerable, because of the fear that ran through your veins when that prisoner kept hitting you again and again, because you needed him so much but he wasn't there next to you, you needed one of his hugs, because you loved him so much it started to make your heart ache and your stomach twist, because the only person who could make you feel better was the very person you were crying for.

You were standing in front of your hospital bed while packing the last things in your bag when suddenly you heard a knock on the door of your room. You quickly wiped away your tears, trying to act like you weren’t just crying.

“Come in.”

The door opened and your heart started pounding as your subconscious hoped it was Jay. That hope, however, quickly vanished when Voight’s figure appeared in front of you.

For an instant you felt so stupid for even one second hoping it was Jay.

“Good morning sarge,” you greeted your boss with a slight smile as you closed your bag's zip.

“Good morning to you. How are you feeling kid?” Voight asked, hands thrust into his pockets.

“I've been better,” you replied with a light laugh “But med’s are working so it will get better.”

“I'm sorry,” was all your boss said. “But you're about to get out of this horrible place. Come on, I'll take you home.”

“Oh, no, no, you don't have to sarge. I can ta-…”

“I won't take no for an answer kid, I didn't drive here for nothing,” he interrupted and you could tell from his tone there was no room to argue.

“Okay,” you sighed “Thank you,” you continued, slightly embarrassed.

Since you were hospitalized Voight – as well as the rest of the team – came to see you every single day, always asking how you were and if you needed anything.

“You didn't have to come, really, I could’ve taken a cab home,” you said as you and Voight walked to the car. Needless to mention he even insisted on bringing you your bag.

“It's not a problem for me Y/N, after all it's my fault you got yourself into this situation.”

You turned your head to the side and looked at him in confusion. “It's not your fault sarge.”

He sighed, looking at the ground for a moment before returning his gaze to the road. For the first time since you started working in the unit you saw a side of him… Did he feel guilty?

“Yes it is, Halstead was right, it was my fault I decided to send you alone, if there had been someone else with you this probably wouldn't have happened.”

You tried to ignore the thump in your heart just hearing Jay's name provoked you. “No sarge. You have no idea of the chaos there, you’d most likely have been dealing with two injured agents instead of one, there is nothing you or anyone else could’ve done to prevent what happened. It was just bad luck that I found myself there at the very moment of a riot.”

He looked at you for a moment but didn't answer. He just nodded.

“Sarge can I ask you something?” you asked. You were in the car, en route to your home.

“Sure.”

“Jay…” you whispered, almost afraid to ask about him, “Did you hear from him?” you continued, playing with the fabric of your jeans and nervously torturing your nails. You looked down, as if you were afraid of his answer.

There was a moment of silence before Voight answered. “He just texted me four days ago to say he needed a few days off, but I haven't seen him or heard from him.”

You sighed, not knowing whether to be worried or just angry at that point. You had a whirlwind of emotions circulating inside you that you didn't even know what to listen to first. You were so mad at him for the way he was acting, for the way he walked out on you without even giving an explanation, and you were damned worried at the same time, because it wasn't like him to disappear like that.

When you got home, Voight insisted to walk you to the door and at that point you figured the guilt he was feeling must be really strong.

But when a “Surprise!” literally made you jump on spot as soon as you entered your apartment, you really understood why Voight had insisted on accompanying you. The whole team, along with Trudy, friends and other colleagues from the department were there to welcome you back.

One by one they hugged you and you couldn't hide the emotion especially because the person you most wanted to hug, unfortunately, wasn't there.

-

The following days were pure hell.

Although staying at home allowed you to rest, you began to terribly miss going to work, catching criminals, chasing them and even starting to count the days until you returned to the district.

You hated sitting and lying on the couch every day and zapping from one channel to another became unbearable.

And not hearing any news from Jay made you even more furious and angry towards the world. You found yourself checking your cell phone every minute of the day with the hope of finding a notification of a call or a text but nothing.

What if something happened to him? What if he's not okay?

These thoughts continued to haunt you and not having your mind busy during the day made these thoughts and your worry even more amplified. You were so anxious to the point that, desperate, you decided to go looking for him.

You dressed quickly and with no little effort you left the house, heading towards your car. You drove to his house but Jay wasn't there, neither was his car. You went to Molly's but he wasn't even there or in the other usual bars he used to go to.

At that point you went to his brother's house, the only person who could know where he was.

When Will opened the door he was surprised to see you there. “Oh, hi Y/N, how are you? Can I help you?”.

“Sorry for popping up unannounced Will, but have you seen Jay by any chance? I haven't heard from him in days and I'm a little worried.”

A totally surprised and confused expression came over Will's face at the same time, as if he had no idea what you were talking about. “What?”

“Will, if you know where he could be please tell me, he doesn't answer calls and messages…”

“He called me a week ago telling me he was going out of town and he needed some alone time,” Will replied. “But I thought you knew that.”

“No, he ran away shortly after I woke up in the hospital and I haven't heard from him since.”

“He usually goes to the family cabin in the woods when he doesn't want to be disturbed.”

“Can you give me the address please?”.

“Y/N…”

“Will please, I would never ask you that if I wasn’t so worried. I just need to know that he's okay,” you said, a lump in your throat as you tried not to let your emotions overwhelm you.

You avoided telling Will you would’ve most likely strangle his brother as soon as you saw him.

He looked at you for a moment, watching your features contracted in a worried expression and finally nodded. “I will text you the address.”

The car ride to this cabin would’ve been quite peaceful if it hadn't been for the incessant rain that prevented you from seeing even a meter in front of you. It took about thirty minutes to get to this cabin and you internally breathed a sigh of relief when you saw his car parked in the driveway.

“Fucking asshole,” you muttered through gritted teeth, already feeling the anger building inside you.

You parked your car behind his and got out. From your car to the cabin it was only a two minute walk but that was enough for you to get wet from head to toe, given the intense and excessive rain.

You knocked on the door of the cabin and if you hadn't been so angry, you would’ve taken the time to admire the beautiful view that surrounded the house.

Jay was lying on the sofa, staring at the ceiling, one leg resting on the other and his hands intertwined on his stomach when he heard a knock on the door. He was lost in his thoughts and the sound of the rain against the windows was the only thing that kept him company.

Dazed, not expecting anyone to visit, he walked to the door but when he opened it he expected everyone to be in front of him, but not a soaking wet, furious but mostly beautiful you.

His expression turned into one of pure bewilderment, so much so that he couldn't even formulate a single sentence that made sense.

“Are you fucking kidding me Jay?! Are you serious?!” you exclaimed loudly and if that cabin hadn't been the only house within miles, everyone would’ve heard you.

“Y/N…-“ he stammered, not knowing what to say, totally bewildered.

“Y/N?! That’s all you have to say?! Are you out of your fucking mind disappearing like this?! Do you have any fucking idea how much I was worried about you?!”

“I know but listen to me for a moment please…-”

“No! Like hell I'm listening to you! I don't want anything to do with you anymore!” you yelled in anger, your hands in the air and trying to ignore the pain that your injuries caused you “I can't understand how you were able to disappear like that without giving a damn about anything or anyone…-“

“Y/N, please…” he tried to speak, but in vain. He'd never seen you this angry, not once in all the years he'd known you. You were a fury.

“No, no ‘please’ Jay! You have no right to ask me please, you have no right to ask me to listen to you not after what you did! Do you remember what the fuck you told me?!”

“Of course I remember Y/N how could I not?” he replied, “But let’s go inside please, you're soaking wet and I don't want anything to happen to you.”

“Why do you care?! Do you care the slightest about me and what happens to me?! I'm not going into your fucking cabin!”

“Of course I care about you Y/N what the fuck are you saying?!” this time it was he who raised his voice.

“Great fucking way to show it you asshole,” you spat, running your hands over your wet face in frustration “You know what Jay? Fuck you, I don’t want to see you ever again.”

You began to walk away towards to your car, intending to leave. You were so angry that not even the heavy rain could distract you.

“Y/N! Wait damn it!” exclaimed Jay as he ran after you, instantly soaking himself from head to toe. “Y/N please let me talk to you!”.

“No Jay I won't let you talk! I've called you a thousand times, sent you a thousand messages and you haven't bothered to answer me not even once! Not even to know how was I! What if I was dead? Huh?” you exclaimed stopping abruptly and turning towards him. You tried to ignore how beautiful, disarming and bloody breathtaking he was even in the pouring rain, with his hair soaked, his clothes clinging to his body, water droplets falling on his face.

“I'm sorry Y/N! I know I was an asshole but there hasn't been a second I haven't thought of you believe me...”

“Believe you?! Are you serious?!” you laughed ironically “No I don't ducking believe you Jay and I can't even believe you could even say such a thing! I don’t believe a words that’s coming out of your mouth. You confessed your 'love' and ran away like a coward, when I needed you most Jay! How can I trust you?!” you nearly screamed, trying to hold off the tears that threatened to stream down your face. Some managed to escape, but they mixed with the water on your face. “Did you even think what you said?!”.

“What the hell are you saying?! How can you even think that! Of course I love you Y/N how the fuck can you doubt that!? Do you think it was that easy for me to say or admit it?! Huh?!” he exclaimed, waving his arms in the air, also getting angry.

“And where the fuck were you Jay?! Where? Where were you when I needed you? You abandoned me damn it, you don't do something like that if you love someone!” you yelled “And don't you dare try to blame me now! You're the one who ran away, you're the one who left me in a hospital bed knowing I couldn't follow you!”.

“I'm not blaming you, my god,” he sighed in frustration running his hands through his hair “Y/N can we talk for a second without yelling at each other? Please? I want to explain everything to you…”

“No,” you replied in a dry and decisive tone “I don't want to listen to you Jay, I don't care what you have to say and the fucking excuses you want to give me. I just came all the way here to see if you were okay but you seem to be doing more than perfect so I'll get out of the way.”

“Sorry Y/N! You’re right about everything! I was…”

“A fucking bastard that's what you've been!”.

“I know! I know damn it, you're fucking right!”.

You interrupted him again. “I don't care Jay! I don't believe a single word you say! I'm not going to stand here and get dumbfounded with few sweet words and get mocked by someone who pretends to profess love for I don't know what kind of reason!”

Jay looked like he'd just been stabbed in the chest—in fact, those words were more painful than any stab wound would ever be. He was silent for a few moments but that silence infuriated you even more.

“I hate you so much Jay Halstead, I'm hating you so much right now because you're a fucking bastard! Because I cried so much for you and I was so scared that something had happened to you, because I thought I could always count on you, that I could always find you next to me when I needed it most,” you cried, now completely lost of control of you “I hate you because when I was in that damn prison and that bastard was beating the crap out of me all I could think of was you! How much I love you and how I would never be able to tell you and if only you weren't ran away like a coward I would’ve told you! That I love you so much and I was fucking scared of ruining everything!”.

Jay was paralyzed as he felt every word you spoke cross his heart and enter him. His eyes never left you for a second as he scanned every inch and inch of your face, the way the water slapped the hair against your forehead, the way your brows furrowed with anger and the way where your lips moved as you spoke.

He felt like such a piece of shit.

And you were right.

You were right that anything he said would’ve been of no use at the time.

So he did the only thing he thought it was right, the only thing he'd wanted to do ever since he'd set his sights on you.

He grabbed your hips and pressed his lips to yours and for the first time since you'd arrived at that cabin silence reigned supreme again, if it hadn't been for the sound of the rain.

It was all so surreal. It looked just like the scene from a romantic movie, the classic kiss in the rain. But there was more to that kiss than romance.

With that kiss Jay tried to express all his displeasure, he tried to tell you he too loved you more than anything else in the world, he tried to apologize because you didn't deserve to suffer, especially because of him.

Your lips were even softer than he ever imagined and no matter how many times he imagined what it would be like to kiss you, the imagination was in no way comparable to what actually kissing you made him feel and he knew right then that kiss would change his life forever.

You tried to fight it but you couldn't, because even before your mind could understand what was happening, your body had already reacted to that kiss and without realizing it you were returning that kiss you so ardently desired.

Your lips moved in harmony against each other, as if you did so many times.

Your body was boiling despite the cold and shivering that wet clothes and rain gave you and, God, that moment was even better than any scene in a romantic movie.

In a moment of lucidity, however, you broke away from that kiss by placing your hands on his chest in an attempt to push him away but his hands instead continued to squeeze your hips.

“Jay no, please don't do this to me…” you begged, crying as you pounded his chest as if to push him away, even though your subconscious wanted nothing more than to be close to him. “You're an asshole...”

“Shh, it's okay, come here,” he whispered, hugging you, one arm around your shoulders and the other hand resting on the back of your neck as he stroked your wet hair. “I'm so sorry, so fucking sorry, I hate to see you cry and know that I hurt you.”

You cried on his chest and it was absurd how the person who was causing your discomfort was the same one who was hugging you and whispering sweet words.

He broke away from that hug shortly after but his hands cupped your face, so that you were forced to look him in the eyes.

“I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry,” he started to speak “You didn't deserve this, especially at a time like this where you were vulnerable and needed me. But I was so scared Y/N. I got overwhelmed by the emotions of the moment, by the fear I had of losing you and never seeing you again. As soon as you woke up I let my heart speak for me but then I realized it was hasty and selfish of me, that you didn't deserve me to tell you I love you on a goddamn hospital bed and the thought that I could’ve destroyed the relationship between me and you, which is the best thing that has ever happened to me, drove me out of my mind and I panicked… The fact that you couldn't feel the same threw me into such a spiral of fear I didn't dare to even look at you because I knew I would be crushed to hear you say you didn't feel the way I do...”

His thumbs continued to caress your cheeks, as he felt tears streaming down his face. “I know all of this probably doesn't even make sense but please don't ever doubt what I've said to you because Y/N… I swear… No one has ever made me feel the way you make me feel and I love you in a way I never even imagined I could love someone. I know I was a piece of shit for leaving you alone in such a delicate moment, when you needed my support and I will never forgive myself for that. I've been a coward and there's no excuse for how I've acted towards you, you have every reason to be mad at me but please, please, you have to believe me when I tell you that I love you, that you make me feel things I’ve never felt before...”

You remained silent, not knowing what to say. You kept looking at him, your eyes alternating between his bright green eyes. You couldn't stop the tears and in that moment you thanked the presence of the rain.

“Please say something,” he whispered, his stomach twisting with anxiety. He had probably ruined the most beautiful thing that had ever happened to him, and he would never forgive himself for it. He understood even just from your look what you were thinking: you didn't believe him and how could he blame you, he had been a real coward.

“I…I have to go Jay,” was all you said, taking steps backwards. You stood there for a few seconds looking at each other. A sad and pained expression was painted on Jay’s face and it broke your heart seeing him like that. But you needed to be stronger, where was him when you were crying for him? Damn it, he didn’t even bother to ask if you were discharged from the hospital or not, if you were okay, if you were home or not, why would you believe him? What guaranteed you at the next hitch he wouldn't run away again?

“Y/N…” he whispered your name in a prayer as you slowly continued to back away. You wanted to go, you desperately needed to, but it was so damn hard, you couldn't walk away in cold blood like he had and you knew that broken look on his face would haunt you forever.

“No Jay, I can't. I can't believe you, I really can't. You are so good with words, messing me up and leaving me there without even an explanation, without even waiting for what I had to say, you thought what you wanted to think and now these are the consequences. Who guarantees me that next time I’ll need you, you won't run away again?” you cried.

“Y/N I swear I will do anything to make it up to you, I’ll prove how much you mean to me, how much I love you…”

“I don't care Jay,” you cut him off. Your gaze moved for a second to your muddy shoes and you took a deep breath to try to regain control of yourself, ignoring the intercostal pain that crossed you, “I'm leaving now. I’m happy to see you’re okay. Goodbye.”

And that was how you walked away, never looking back, because you knew if you did and you saw Jay cry as he tried to stop you, you wouldn't be able to do it and you probably would’ve fallen for it.

He stood there for quite some time after he watched your car pull out of his driveway cursing himself for probably forever pushing away the only person who knew him most, who had always stood by him, even when everyone turned their back on him.

He knew he ruined the best thing that has ever happened to him, you.

Tag list: @burgstead, @bebataylor84, @ares-kelani-wayne, @lxna-mikaelsxn, @sande5098, @smoothdogsgirl, @withakindheartx, @jess2013, @maddu-oliveira, @lovemesomepietro, @onechicagodrawings, @jinxfan18, @xeleni-nurse, @ready-hit-it, @rainroo2, @tinfoilhat2719, @hehurst23, @upsteadlovingheart, @secondaryjob, @nevaehstreater18, @sophiatellerrhodes, @dedlund82, @kellykidd, @rippl3s, @stephanie708, @annahargrove, @smutl0ver, @kuroe-san, @caroldanverwife, @cbaby, @nosy09, @luvreading67, @danielmarie, @saiyuo12, @alexxavicry, @nachodaze, @waywardhunter95, @fighterkimburgess, @ephemeral314, @mads-weasley, @itskellysev, @lovemedlife, @atarmychick007, @amazedbyitall, @glodessa, @xeleni-dutchnurse, @ossypooh, @itriedtoexplain, @randomwriter1021, @resanoona, @averyhotchner, @ellavanderberg, @mrshalsteadxx, @junevoidzombie, @nocturnalherb16, @croissantthief, @jayhalsteadsbadge, @youngblood199456, @dreamss-wavess, @halsteadloversworld, @halstead-severide-fan, @laaaauuraaaaa, @firerusher, @hngbrooks, @mrspeacem1nusone, @itserickalove, @23victoria, @slytherlight, @goingwiththewind, @notanordinaryprincess95, @mel0809, @cadyfanninger

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[universallychaoticpan]

i am in love with your work whaa-

i have a request- if you're free and if you like the idea of course hahahaha- i have no idea if you're comfy with this type of thing, because i haven't seen many people (I've seen none) do this type of stories- because it's always the reader that gets hurt- like man I'm tired of always barely surviving a fanfic 😭😭

so my request is dazai x reader where dazai gets injured or it can be about his scars, anything angsty (again, if you're comfortable with it) it can have a fluffy ending (preferably) but I'll leave that to you!

i love your work and i hope you're doing well <3 sending a lot a lot of love to you❤️

If you're familiar with my work, you know I love turning tropes on their heads, so I am delighted to write this! Also thank you so much for your sweet words, it means a lot knowing people enjoy my work. I hope you enjoy! <33

Years ago, you and Dazai had learned that the lives you led kept you close to death at all times. It took a stubborn will to live that way; it took someone who refused to die, even after so much- it took someone who dared to defy death day after day and continue breathing.

You had so many scars between you to prove how much death craved you. In your skin, anyone could see just how desperately death yearned to claim you as its own. You knew every story in every scar, knew every memory they carried in your skin and in his. You were used to his scars, loved them even.

But god, how he scared you.

All you were aware of was the pounding heart in your chest, a bird desperate to escape the cage of your ribs, to fly away in a storm of blood. But you couldn't stop here; Dazai had already lost too much blood, the gash on his forehead dark and foreboding as you strained against your body to bring him home. You didn't want to think about how long he had been bleeding in the street before you had come, didn't want to think about how he would have been safe if he hadn't insisted on going out that night alone. And even when he was someplace safe, when he was in the familiar confines of your home, you were unable to relax. You brushed tears from your eyes, chastising yourself as you cleaned the blood away. You reminded yourself that tears would not help anyone now, least of all Dazai. But you couldn't bear to look at him; you couldn't stand to look at his face, too still and too soft, void of soul and life. You worked without thinking, watched your hands move of their own accord. You watched your fingers recall years of practice, years of stitches and sutures, and you begged him to be alright. You prayed that you would be enough to save him. You had to be enough

It took you an hour to finish- 60 agonizing minutes of watching for a hint of life, 60 minutes of being disappointed when there was nothing.

You missed him more than anything, then. You missed the man who could always take your mind far from your troubles, the boy who had once upon a time stitched your own wounds and given you your own story-laden scars. You missed the simple pleasure of his voice, the simplicity of groaning at his bad jokes. And with every passing moment, your fear grew; you feared you were too late.

So you held his comatose body close, the silence deafening as you felt your heart breaking. A life without your first love, without your dearest friend- to you it was a fate worse than death.

"You're too quiet. Usually I can't ever get you to shut up." Your voice was thick with tears, but anything was better than the silence. "I used to love the quiet and now you've gone and ruined that for me too, you asshole." You chuckled bitterly, swiping a hand across your nose. "What a dick move, getting me so attached to you, you maniac. You better wake up."

"I won't beg. I won't beg you, because you aren't worth it. But I swear I will never hate anyone more than you if you leave me here." You stared down at his still face, and you broke.

"You bastard," you sobbed. "If you die here I will never forgive you; I swear that much, Osamu Dazai." Burring your face in his neck, you tried to lose yourself in him as you cried gently.

"Please," you whispered. "Please don't leave me. You're all I have now.

Please, Osamu- I'm afraid."

Your head rested gently on his chest, searching for the sound of his beating heart, panicking in the split second you heard nothing in between the beats.

And then you felt his hand come to rest atop your head.

"You know, I really thought you'd be the one comforting me after I nearly died." A voice so weak in your ear had never broken and mended you so surely as his did then. Eyes had never seen right through you, hands had never held you like you were as precious as his did when he brought his arms around you.

And he was smiling, weakly, but he was there once again; like an ember, you saw him fighting to come back to you, to return once again and remind you:

Death would not steal him from you yet.

#dazai x reader #bsd x readfer #osamu dazai x reader #dazai osamu x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #dazai x reader angst #bsd hurt comfort

[fairydares]

Reminiscing on the Hard Road (A Gruvia Fic)

Rating: M

Summary: While on his way to a mission, Gray reflects on the hardships, tears, battles, and triumphs which led to him and Juvia finding their happiness together. (Or: the story of how they finally, officially got together told through memories).

AO3 Link ; FFNet Link

Words: ~8,000

Warnings: Please read with caution as this contains adult themes & situations (though nothing explicit). Also swearing and allusions to mental illness, dissociation and depression symptoms especially. Man this feels like the end of a drug commercial. Enjoy!

AN: I realized how long it'd been since I updated Chasing Tails and was feeling really bad about it. I'm so sorry, guys! I've just been really busy! I don't have time to get Chapter 5 up tonight, but I do have the time to share this Gruvia piece I wrote a while ago as a karmic sort of apology.

With that in mind, this is a bit of a rough, long one-shot. It comes from a chapter in a larger, mostly Nalu-focused fic which I may or may not ever actually finish writing. Sooo it's not even really a one-shot so much as it's, like, a segment of a chapter from one. I also barely had time to clean it up ever so slightly.

However, I thought Gruvia fans would appreciate anyway. Maybe one day, I'll write the whole thing because I honestly think it could be a story, or maybe a series of drabbles? This is all you kids get for now, though, lol. no fucks given (just kidding this will keep me up nights.)

o(O)o

Ignoring Natsu's whining about still being motion sick from beside him, Gray buried his hands in his pockets and let his eyes engage in their favorite past-time: roaming the curves of the blue-haired woman walking in front of him.

Him and Juvia had officially been together for over half a year, but his eyes still snagged on the same places they always had. The sway of her blue hair, now long enough to partly obscure the pinch of her waist and flare of her hips with each swish. The pretty, cute flush that lived on her cheeks as she listened attentively to Erza, who was chattering about a famous desert shop in the area. The way shadow and light shifted over the curve of her rear. And—forever his most favorite—the exposed skin of her legs. Long, toned, moon white...and fucking perfect.

Gray felt his cheeks heat, but couldn't find it in himself to drag his eyes away. The solidness and length of their relationship did absolutely nothing to diminish the novelty of her beauty, like he might once have feared it would. Instead, it hypnotized him more surely than ever. Noticing all the men drooling over her figure as they walked past, Gray was aware of the sting of possessiveness and annoyance which rose in his chest, but was also easily able to ignore it.

He was as comfortable as any guy with a stunning girlfriend could be in his own jealousy, these days. More shockingly, so was Juvia, a fact that was plain from the way she shot only perfunctory glares at the women eyeing him and whispering to each other as they passed.

As he stared at her back, his lips quirked ever so slightly. It had taken time, tears, and work—more work than he could ever have anticipated—to get to this point in their relationship. But work had never been more worth it.

His mind wandered to reminiscence. To where it had all started, when they had started, after the 100-Year Quest had ended and he'd finally—with Lucy, Levy, and Erza's help—managed to ask Juvia to be his girlfriend.

"Not just 'yours'," Levy had insisted, explaining that phrasing would confuse her. "Your girlfriend."

He'd actually fought them on it. Not really because he had a problem with commitment anymore (okay, it was a little embarrassing, but not too much) but because the words "girlfriend" and "boyfriend" felt ridiculous, considering everything they'd been through. How deeply he cared about her. For crying out loud, they'd tried to kill themselves for each other. He'd kill for her, die for her, and—most importantly—he would live for her. Beyond making his ears feel like they were going to melt off, the word "girlfriend" felt trite.

But when Lucy and Levy demanded to know if that meant he was going to propose, he'd balked. Actually, having the m-word shoved right up against his nose kind of made his soul flee his body. As ready as he was for a romantic relationship, he wanted to go through the actual experience of having one. Like, with all the steps involved. In order. He was at the point in his life that he wanted it more than anything.

More importantly, he wanted to give Juvia that experience. He was determined to do right by her.

With the girls' reality check, and the point they'd made that ambiguity might make Juvia jump to the wrong conclusion or even hurt her, they'd convinced him. He'd been committed to making his long-awaited confession as special for Juvia as possible, complete with saying any embarrassing words she wanted to hear.

Gray still hadn't felt worthy of the love she gave him. He still struggled to believe he was a man who could protect her. But after everything he'd been through during the 100-Year-Quest, seeing how much she'd missed him the whole time, and his talk with Juvina-sama, he'd understood it was completely unfair to ask Juvia to wait for him to decide he was worthy enough to love her openly. He also wasn't above admitting that Juvina-sama's suggestion that she wouldn't wait forever had disquieted some irrational part of him enough to make him antsy, impatient to make absolutely sure they were exclusive.

He'd been completely flustered throughout his confession, but known it had gone as right as it could. Lucy, Levy, and Erza—who thought they'd been slick, hiding in a nearby bush to watch him confess—had agreed. (Lucy had annoyed him to no end by teasing him over how "adorable" he'd been.)

And yet...Juvia's response hadn't been quite what Gray hoped. Lucy hadn't noticed it, but he had. He didn't know exactly when it had happened, but at some point, he'd learned to read the Water Mage like an open book. For how sincere a person she was—a trait he was all too familiar with—Juvia could also be surprising, even mysterious. As transient as water, with hidden depths you'd never know a thing about unless you were willing to dive beneath the surface.

When Gray confessed, he'd braced himself for joyous screaming. He'd planned to freeze a literal flood of tears before it could wash them both away. He'd been prepared to get a concussion from how hard she'd glomp him in the street. But while she had said yes, demurely accepted the roses, and hugged him plenty tight...her response had been subdued. In hindsight, he could see the pattern her reaction fit: the way her gaze had dropped to the street despite her happy flush, the hesitant, nervous gleam in her eyes, the limited verbal response.

The only times she'd ever acted that way had been when he actually reciprocated some of her affection. When he'd promised to give her a straight answer, after he defeated END. When he'd given her a one-armed hug and said he was glad her "body" was safe, after he'd saved her from that wood bastard.

Something had been wrong. But when the girls who'd spied on him only gushed afterwards, not seeming to have noticed anything off, he'd shrugged off his concerns, assuming it was his own lack of romantic literacy. He'd been nervous, but also really excited to learn.

But as their relationship officially began...it quickly became obvious that there was a problem, and that a one-sided approach to fixing it just wasn't going to cut it.

Juvia had always been prone to mood swings severe enough to make Gray's head spin, but as soon as they started dating, her mood seemed to sink. He'd try to ask her about it only for her to put on an obviously fake, cheery front and insist she was fine.

At first, he was sure it must be his fault. He'd had no idea what he was doing wrong. At that point, the guilt he felt for not taking Juvia's feelings seriously for so long, for abandoning her in Amefurashi Village, and for nearly letting her die in an attempt to save him had been taking a serious toll on him. The guilt had sometimes left him ragged. Every time she seemed down, he beat himself up and tried to do better. Talking, dates, spending time together (even when it meant ditching missions he really wanted to go on with the team), accepting her gifts and acting happy about them (no matter how much they creeped him out).

But the more he'd tried to make up for everything, the worse it seemed to get. He watched her frustration rise as he tried to be more openly affectionate, her denials that she was frustrated getting louder. More and more, she gave, but when he gave back, she'd look ready to explode or burst into tears.

What had made everything come to a head was the sex. A surprise in itself. For all the ways their relationship had suffered, sex had never been one of them. It'd started back in the cabin they shared in Amefurashi Village. From the first night they'd moved in together, Juvia had not-so-surprisingly tried to edge her way into Gray's bed constantly. She'd use excuses of cold weather, make puppy eyes, and sew nauseatingly pink coupley bed sheets to try to lure him (when, he still had no idea).

Meanwhile, he struggled more and more to pretend he didn't find (most of) her antics adorable. Not to mention incredibly tempting. Things escalated to where he'd feel his excitement rising towards the end of their daily training sessions, to the point his body became conditioned to react when he saw the damn sun set.

He also felt increasing dread at the notion of having to turn Juvia down—and for having to sneak out in the middle of every night to "take care" of the problem she always left him with (cold showers didn't exactly work for an Ice Wizard).

Finally, one night, she'd pouted and whined that she was sore from training and begged for a massage. Gray didn't know if it was the fact she was asking him for something instead of offering; the unbelievably cute, sparkly-eyed, hopeful glances she kept sneaking at him; or the fact he could tell she actually was sore from the way her face would pinch as she attempted to stretch provocatively in front of him, but his resolve had shattered.

Before he could think and without a word, he'd lifted his covers and held her gaze, not bothering to hide the dark promise in his eyes.

Her reaction had been priceless. He'd never forget it.

His acceptance seemed to knock the breath straight out of her. Her eyes had gone round as saucers, staring into his eyes like she couldn't believe what she was seeing. Her cheeks had darkened. She'd stood stunned for so long that he'd started to get nervous, wondering if she'd only been being playful all this time, not really meaning to come on to him or maybe not expecting him to ever accept. But just as he'd been trying to field the disappointment sinking his heart and trying to think of how to promise he wouldn't do anything she didn't want, she'd hesitantly approached the bed, trembling.

After giving her the massage she'd asked for, he'd rewarded her bravery three times over.

After that, for the very first time, the dynamic of their relationship shifted in one, important way—the one which would force him to finally confront his own heart:

In terms of their physical relationship, he became the more dominant one. In this one aspect of their shared life, he chased. Gray flustered Juvia. He hadn't been able to get enough. What had once been a relentless, one-sided pursuit (one where she had, admittedly, been gaining on him without his notice) became a dance which had addicted him before he knew it.

The notion of reciprocating her feelings had once had him running for the hills. So it had been a huge shock to learn just how much he liked it.

She was so obviously happy and disbelieving that first time he slipped her clothes off in the moonlit dark, cursing over her beauty. Utterly awestruck when he'd seen to her pleasure (twice, he still liked to remember proudly) before even considering his own. Sex was the first time he heard her speak in the first-person, the first time she said his name without adding "-sama" (since that battle in the rain, anyway.)

It was when he lost himself in her soft skin, her passion, and her pleasure that some part of him was able to accept the truth she'd had the grace to surrender to from the very beginning.

The shift in their sex life was also when he'd started to twig something wasn't right between them. After Alvarez was when he'd started it back up. His plan had been to wait until he was able to reciprocate her feelings verbally, like he'd promised, but almost losing her had broken him in a way some part of him would never truly recover from. Between that and his final, full acceptance of his own feelings, there'd been no restraining himself. He'd come onto her with all the subtlety of a freight train the second they were alone.

Even then, something hadn't been quite right. She hadn't been herself, quiet enough that—even as...compromised as his critical thinking skills had been, at the time, and even in his heightened emotional state—he'd noticed. He'd pulled back and asked if she was okay, but when her response had simply been to drag him back in for a kiss that made his knees weak, he'd taken it as a yes and matched her passion enthusiastically.

She kept staying quiet in bed. It bothered the hell out of him, and he badgered her about it more than once, but would ultimately let it go when she insisted she was fine. In his defense, there had been a lot of reasons she could've become subdued. They had just fought a war. They were all exhausted from fixing the town and working to build peace in Fiore.

But after the 100-Year Quest and after his confession, she got even weirder. He noticed it all the time, in every aspect of their relationship, but it was especially noticeable in bed, when they were so close to each other, both completely vulnerable.

When they'd cohabitated, he'd almost always been the one to start something. He'd enjoyed that. He'd even (hell, especially) enjoyed the way she'd flirt, pretend to be oblivious to his advances, pout and blush and make him impress her, coax him to the brink of losing his mind before finally caving to both of their desires. Those times where he went from prey to predator had balanced their entire relationship, satisfying both of them.

Gray wasn't some slimeball who needed sex, but he did need some balance in their dynamic. The private, physical side of their relationship was just where it'd happened to play out. It could've played out anywhere in their relationship, if they were off sex for a while for whatever reason.

But as soon as they became official, it became clear she'd fight tooth and nail to make sure that never happened.

She came onto him. Every. Single. Time. He'd been a little surprised, but happy enough. At first. But as he pushed her to talk to him harder and she denied louder, he'd started to guess that something was genuinely, really wrong.

She didn't speak in the first-person when they were intimate, any more. She didn't drop the "-sama." Even worse, he started to suspect she was seducing him even when she wasn't really in the mood. Almost like she felt like she had to.

It had been one such time when he finally flipped his shit. Even now, walking behind her and appreciating her curves, the memory made his mood falter a little.

He regretted how he'd handled things. It shamed him to remember how he'd all but shoved her off him and refused to do anything else with her until she was ready to tell him whatever the hell was going on inside that crazy, watery head of hers. It was an ultimatum. A cruelly-put one, at that. He hadn't realized just how hurt and angry he was until the words flew out of his mouth.

Juvia had opened up, alright.

In fact, she'd exploded.

They'd screamed at each other, horrible things Gray could hardly stand to repeat even in his own head. She'd demanded that he quit wasting both their time and leave her again, like they both knew he would. He'd asked how stupid she could be to think he'd do that, when he was obviously dedicated enough to put up with her psycho stalker gifts. She'd retorted that her "psycho stalker gifts" didn't seem to have any affect on his libido. He'd yelled that she was the one jumping his bones, ever since he'd asked her out. She'd said that was because she actually cared about his happiness, implying that was something he'd never understand.

She'd ended the black, ugly fight with four hoarse words that ripped his heart out of his chest: "This is over, Gray-sama!"

His apartment door had slammed behind her.

He'd been too shocked and devastated to do anything but watch her go, not even managing to stagger to the door and chase after her until she was long-gone. Black curse power had swirled across his skin as he pelted to the guild, growling in frustration when he didn't find her there. Then he'd run all the way to the female dorms at Fairy Hills only to be deterred by Erza, who met him at the gate. She hadn't known anything about his and Juvia's fight, but she'd been drawn by his yelling.

His older sister figure had knocked him out "for his own good."

The next afternoon, Gray had woken up in his own bed. Not bothering to see if he was dressed (it would turn out he wasn't) he'd booked straight to the guild only to be devastated by the news that Juvia had taken a long-term S-class quest just that morning, news which was delivered by a sympathetic Mira.

Sure that it was over, that he'd ruined everything, he'd drunk himself sick—then kept drinking, swinging fists at anyone and everyone who tried to console him until, finally, in the wee hours of the next morning, Gajeel managed to knock him out of it.

The hostility, Gray had expected. Gajeel was Juvia's best friend; of course he was angry to learn that Gray had done something to upset her so much, she'd left for a Quest that could take months or even years to finish without so much as a word to Gajeel or any of their other comrades.

What did surprise Gray was the understanding Gajeel eventually showed.

Gray got his ass knocked flat by the Iron Dragon Slayer. From his back on the ground, he started to spit out what happened. With each word, the larger man had visibly calmed. After enough had come out, he'd awkwardly helped Gray to his feet (his own, gruff brand of apology.) He'd helped Gray sober up, then he'd given him a pep talk.

He'd refused to explain his own guesses as to what was going on with Juvia, insisting "who knows what goes on in that water witch's head." But he'd also insisted that whatever was going on, it for damn sure wasn't what Gray thought, which was that he'd hurt her too badly for her to love him anymore.

"She's obsessed with you," the man had said, scowling in disgust. "She's always been obsessed with you. She's way too stubborn to let it go that easy. It's annoying."

By six AM, Gajeel Redfox—of all people—had talked Gray into chasing after the love of his life. He'd even used his Iron Magic to create a lockpick which got them into the archive room, where they'd found Mira's records...and Juvia's location.

He'd barely had the time to register the irony of her quest's location before he was gone, shooting Gajeel a gruff "thanks" over his shoulder and running home to pack.

It'd been raining when he finally walked into Amefurashi Village.

He hadn't consciously known where to start looking when he arrived, but his feet—following some combination of muscle memory and the fate he'd fought for so long—had carried him to the place where the word "home" had changed for him: the cabin he and Juvia had shared. Where they'd grown together. Taken care of each other.

Where he'd left her. Hurt her. Even if most of the reason to do so was because he wanted to protect her, he couldn't stop hating himself for that.

She was standing outside the place, drenched and shivering, when he got there. As if sensing his arrival as surely as he'd known where to find her, Juvia had turned to look at Gray with eyes that were glassy above flushed cheeks. She'd wavered on her feet.

As soon as she'd whispered his name, she'd toppled. Gray's bag had landed in a puddle with a splashy thunk. He'd lunged to catch her like his life depended on it.

Shouting her name had earned him no response, but pressing the back of his hand to her forehead had been enough to convince him that she had a seriously high fever.

Strangely, as worried as he'd been about her, he hadn't even thought to bring her back to Wendy or seek a nearer healer. In hindsight, he was sure that deep down, he'd realized it would do no good; she wasn't physically ill, but heartsick, just as he was. He'd felt lower than the mud gathering around his boots.

He'd been surprised to discover that he had to break into their old home, and rapidly deduced that Juvia hadn't been staying at their old cabin even though she'd been standing outside of it, both from that fact and the fact that none of her stuff was there.

As soon as he lay her in the bed which had once been his before becoming theirs, she'd begun shivering. For the first time in his life, Gray cursed that he was an Ice Wizard instead of a Fire Wizard.

He'd run outside, grabbed his bag, then come back in—only to curse again when he unclasped the bag only to discover that all its contents were soaked. Thinking quickly, he'd stripped his wet clothes, then hers. He'd climbed into bed with her.

"'M sorry, Gray-sama..." she'd slurred her sleep. "Juvia's so sorry...Juvia had to...I just had to..."

He'd shushed her, rubbing her arms to try to warm her up. "It's okay, Juvia. I know, my love. It's okay..."

He'd kept holding her and whispering soft comfort to her until she'd finally stopped shivering, at which point his frantic worry had abated enough that he could fully admit to himself how good it felt to have her in his arms, her skin against his. How warm she was. How perfectly she fit against him. How much he missed her. She was right there, as close as another person could ever be to him. Yet with how things had been between them lately and how lost she was to fever, he'd never felt further away.

Apparently, he'd fallen asleep at some point, because when he awoke, it was to the rising sun blazing at him from the center of the cabin window. Ignoring his body's reaction to waking up in the arms of the very naked, beautiful woman he happened to be in love with, Gray had instantly dropped his hand to Juvia's forehead, sighing in relief when it became clear her fever had reduced. She wasn't better, but she was getting there.

Quickly figuring out what needed done, he'd dropped a tender kiss to her warm forehead, murmuring a threat against her sweaty hairline: "You'd better not even think of running away again, crazy woman. We are going to talk when I get back."

Gray had dressed, glanced back, and left. He'd met up with he client—a rich and unfortunately good-looking asshole about Gray's age who was way too disappointed Juvia, herself, wasn't the one who'd shown up. Through gritted teeth, Gray informed the bastard it would be a couple days before he and his partner (he was sure to emphasize those words several times) would be able to begin investigating the dark guild threatening the area, as she'd fallen ill.

It annoyed him to no end that the creep seemed genuinely concerned about this, trying to insert himself, demand to see her, and attempting to coax Gray into revealing her location (Gray couldn't help the pleasure and hope which rose in his chest, when he learned she hadn't told this guy wherever it was she was staying; obviously, she'd had no interest in sharing that information.)

The client had thrown a rich boy tantrum when Gray refused to tell him anything, but ultimately let him go when Gray promised Juvia would be there in a couple days (not bothering to mention that he would absolutely be there, too.)

He'd gone to pick up medicine and food. He'd grabbed all the ingredients he could remember for something hearty, mild, and delicious she used to make him when they lived together, a chicken stew that tasted like something he could remember from childhood. Those ingredients, medicine, ginger tea...anything he could think of that might help her feel better, he purchased, barely noting price.

Juvia had been waiting on the porch wrapped only in a blanket when he returned, flushed with both fever and anger.

They'd both been pissed at each other. While Gray locked horns with Juvia's amorous creep of a client, she had apparently been discovered by the landlord who owned their old cabin and only barely managed to talk him out of his anger, ultimately having to pay double their old monthly rent to keep him from calling the authorities—all while wrapped only in a blanket.

A brief yelling match had ensued. It ended when Juvia began coughing rather violently, Gray dropping his groceries in the mud to run to her. Even as she insisted she was fine, he'd ushered her into the cabin, forcing her to sit before he went back out to grab the food he'd bought.

Her face had gone funny when he began grouchily unloading chicken, rice, broth, veggies, and herbs. When he (somewhat defensively) asked what the hell she was staring at, she'd haltingly asked if he'd bought all of that for her. Exasperated, he'd told her of course he had, she'd had him worried sick.

The groceries had been abandoned when she burst into tears.

It had taken several minutes of heart-wrenching sobs on Juvia's part and coaxing on Gray's for the conversation to actually begin.

During their ugly fight in his apartment, she'd exploded.

Here, in the lonely home they'd once shared, she imploded.

While the groceries thawed and dripped on the kitchen counter, Juvia sobbed the whole, messy, painful truth into his chest. She told him everything. She told him how, deep down, she'd always known she wasn't worthy of having her love reciprocated by him. It had been true from the moment they'd met, when she'd been part of Phantom Lord, but remained true no matter how long she'd been at Fairy Tail. That was how she'd put it: "I always knew I wasn't worthy of Gray-sama's love." Not only because of her past, but because of how annoying she was. How gloomy. How creepy and obnoxious.

Gray hadn't even had time to express his horror at the fact she thought those things before she'd been plowing on, her tears only getting thicker and her words only making his heart sink lower.

She said knowing she didn't deserve his love had turned to knowing she didn't deserve to love him at all, when she'd killed Keyes to free Gray's father from his undead life. But even though "Gray-sama had been wonderful enough to forgive Juvia," she'd continued to hate herself, deep down.

She told him that sharing a life in the cabin they were currently in had, for her, been the sweetest kind of torture. That she'd never been so happy—and never felt more undeserving. For the first time, she told him that she'd only had one lover before Gray, some piece of shit named "Bora" who'd never cared about her or her pleasure. Gray had been nothing like him, attentive, caring, and as invested in her pleasure as he was in his own. At first, feeling so cared for had been as overwhelming as it was amazing, but by the time Gray started to pull away from her for his mission, the overwhelmed feelings had slowly begun to fade, letting her forget everything but the happiness she felt with him.

Juvia told him that the day he abandoned her to infiltrate Avatar, everything which she'd started to believe could feel right began to feel wrong, and everything which had felt wrong began to feel right. She'd never felt she deserved to be loved by Gray the way she loved him. Being left by him had, in a horrible way, made her feel like the world was how it was supposed to be.

But it had also ripped her apart.

It had destroyed any confidence she'd begun to gain in herself.

She told him that she resented being abandoned. Resented not being told about his mission to infiltrate a Dark Guild, not just because of their relationship, but because she had once been in a Dark Guild, and could potentially have helped his and Erza's Mission. She'd not only felt betrayed on a personal level, but disrespected as a Mage with no small amount of skill and experience.

It was a side to the issue which he had, shameflly, never considered.

He was mortified when she'd finally let herself chastise him for this—especially when he'd tried to defend himself by bringing up details of his mission only to be instantly struck down and ripped apart by someone who was, in fact, very obviously more knowledgeable about the inner workings of Dark Guilds than either he or Erza ever had been. Hell, Juvia could probably have run the mission almost as well as Jellal had.

For the first time, he saw just how beneficial it would have been to have her on board, despite Erza urging him not to get her involved. He should've gone against her orders, asked forgiveness instead of permission. Over the course of that one conversation, it was clear that having her on board would have shortened the length of their mission by probably several months.

But worse than the benefits they'd missed out on, in infiltrating Avatar, worse than the fact that she resented him, was her admission that she hated herself for that resentment.

She'd apologized. So many times. Too many times to count. Each apology was another crack in Gray's heart. He'd tried to ask her to stop, but they'd just kept slipping out anyway. It was like she couldn't help it.

She'd told him that over time, as she got to know the other women in Fairy Tail—Lucy, Cana, and Levy—she'd realized just how unworthy she was of the care Gray held for even just his friends. She just hadn't been forced to confront her own lacking sense of self-worth...until he openly reciprocated her feelings.

She said that the second he confessed, part of her felt wrong. Like she'd donned someone else's skin—someone who was worth being loved by Gray. Her guilt, her knowledge that she wasn't worthy of him, her bitterness, her self-hatred...all of it had come rushing to the surface.

She told him that, as unworthy as she'd felt, she'd been too selfish to reject him. Too angry at the thought of him being with someone else. Her own selfishness made her feel even worse than before. She'd been determined to be worthy of him, and so she had sought to pay every ounce of love he gave her three times over. At least.

It hadn't made her feel any better. No matter how hard she tried to be sure to pay him back, every time Gray took her on a date or made love to her, it made her skin crawl, because she didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve his love, his affection, or even his attention. He deserved better, and she was nowhere close to deserving him. She never would be.

If there had been even one last, single sliver of a doubt as to how he felt about this woman, it died then and there. Nothing—not his own guilt, being screamed at, or being broken up with—nothing could hurt worse than being made aware of what a hard time she was having. Learning just how badly she'd been dissociating during all their most precious moments. How much pain she was in. How little she thought of herself. How deep her scars ran.

He'd have given anything to take her pain away. He'd have given anything to change it. Right then, he couldn't think of a single thing he wouldn't have done to make her see herself as he saw her: the energetic, caring, fierce Mage he'd come to know. The woman who always eclipsed everything else for just a second, the first time he saw her every day.

He'd wanted to tell her all that, and more. He wanted to apologize. He'd wanted to tell her how badly he missed her after he'd left her here, that this place had been home for him, too. He'd wanted to tell her how much she meant to him, that no day without her smile even felt real, but his voice had been stuck behind a lump of misery and all he'd been able to do, for a very long time, was lay in their bed and hold her while she cried the rest of it out. He wasn't too ashamed to admit he lost a couple tears in her hair, too.

Over the twilight of time it had taken for her sobs to turn hoarse, then to whimpers, then sniffles, guilt, emotional exhaustion, an anguish washed over Gray in their turn.

Until finally, he hardened all of those feelings into resolve.

"I'm really thankful that you're here. For always being beside me..."

Those were the words Gray had said to her before Alvarez, and he'd meant them. For years, Juvia had done nothing but be there for him. Even when he didn't want her there, she stayed right next to him, quietly piecing together his heart and his trust. It killed him that the woman who'd confronted him with her love, made him face down his own weakness, always thought of him, and helped him so much more than he could ever truly thank her for had been hiding so much of her own pain. He wished she would have told him any of this all the times he'd pushed and asked.

But he couldn't blame her for that. Maybe she hadn't opened up to him before then, but her mentions of her days in Phantom and of that shithead ex of hers had driven home, with stark clarity, a realization he wished he'd made a lot sooner: Juvia didn't know how to open up like Gray had tried to demand, because she hadn't grown up somewhere like Fairy Tail.

Unlike Gray and Natsu and the others, she hadn't been taught to bare her pain, hadn't always known there would be someone to listen to her, cry with her, be on her side. While Gray had been fought, teased, and accepted for exactly who he was (more often his whole self than not) Juvia had been abandoned by every single person in her life except Gajeel and those who'd wanted to use her for their own ends. Gray abandoning her had only confirmed what she'd been taught was inevitable.

But the Ice Mage wouldn't linger on that. He wouldn't give any more time to despair.

It was his turn now, he realized. His turn to stay beside her even when it was hard, and do the work. Now, he just had to figure out how. But while he'd been trying to do that, had been gathering his words, Juvia had recovered enough to speak once more.

She'd apologized again. She'd told him that she knew this was too much, that all of this was too much...that she was too much. For the times they'd shared, she thanked him quietly, eyes bright with yet more tears and refusing to meet his as she continued that she'd had to let Gray go because she wanted him to be happy, and she'd finally, finally realized she could never do that for him, not really. Then she'd tried to push him away, and as Gray had tightened his grip, he'd realized he didn't need to figure out what to do, what to say, or how to love her.

She'd been showing him all along.

After a deep breath, the words had come low, and easier than he'd thought. He told her she was right, all of this was a lot...but also that he was so, so happy she'd finally told him what was really going on. He'd been as gentle as possible when he told her he could see how difficult and scary it had been for her to open up about all this and that he was proud of how brave she'd been for doing so, but she'd started crying again anyway, so he'd had to carry on with a shakier, hoarser voice.

He'd apologized. For everything. For not taking her feelings seriously for so long, for not seeing her when she needed to be seen, for leaving her behind and hurting her so badly she'd gotten sick. He hadn't been dismissing her abilities as a Mage so much as he'd been trying to protect her, but that was no excuse. "High-handed and cruel" was a generous way to describe his behavior, and he finally saw that. He'd told her that if he could take it back, he would. But he couldn't. He could only promise to never, ever leave her like that again, and he was more than ready to make that promise. He had been for a long time, since well into the 1oo Years Quest. If she'd only give him another chance, he'd show her.

At this point, Juvia had obviously started to twig that this conversation wasn't going to go how she planned, with Gray accepting she was too burdensome and unworthy for him and leaving her alone like everyone else had left her, because she'd started kicking up a fuss, forcing him to hold her there again.

"Let Juvia go, Gray-sama!" she'd demanded shakily, sounding like she was barely clinging to her determination. But Gray had refused. He refused to let her go like this, not until she'd heard him out.

As brief as the ensuing argument had been, it was also one of the most frustrating conversations Gray had ever taken part in (and he'd fought Natsu on basically every cock-and-bull-ass plan he'd ever come up with.)

He'd tried desperately to insist that while Juvia could be creepy and he did find rain somewhat gloomy, she was not worthless or annoying or obnoxious. He'd tried to tell her that she did make him happy. He'd tried to tell her how he felt about her.

Juvia had not responded well.

A wall had slammed up in her eyes, the same blank one he'd met on that fateful, rainy day so long ago. As she'd kept denying, and he'd kept pushing, their voices had gotten louder. Eventually, Gray had realized it was raining outside the window next to their bed again, and that was the one thing that had forced him to take a step back from his own frustration. Lucky, because if he hadn't, he might have flown off the handle and ruined everything all over again.

Looking down at her, he'd forced himself to cool off and realized he was being unfair; he was asking her to take an entire journey in one leap, to unlearn a lifetime's-worth of lessons about her own worthlessness over the course of a single conversation. No one could do that. It was an unreasonable thing to ask.

And so, when he'd finally gathered his wits and perspective enough, he'd said, "You don't have to agree with me. You don't have to agree with my feelings for you. But you have to believe that they're real...and you have to at least consider my side."

Juvia's eyes had gone wide. As they regained their sparkle, he'd refused to break eye contact. Slowly, the rain had stopped, leaving them in the silent hut.

After what felt like years, she'd shakily whispered, "O-okay."

And Gray had known that they were finally, finally getting somewhere.

Quietly and slowly, with their hands intertwined between their chests and their foreheads pressed together, they'd pieced together a fragile plan. They would stay together and be as they had been, but from now on, they were both going to make a concerted effort to be honest and rebuild trust. Gray started by admitting that missing out on Quests with his team had really started to bum him out, and while this seemed to sadden Juvia at first, she admitted after some thought that in being with Gray, she hadn't been nurturing her own friendships with her friends like Gajeel and Meredy. Lucy had also asked for help training her in Water Magic, and Juvia had declined so far even though she was interested in having someone to teach.

Gray had encouraged all of this...and he'd encouraged her to visit Porlyusica, too, when they got home. The old lady was hardly a Mental Healer, but she'd hopefully be able to help them find someone who was, someone objective and removed from the situation who Juvia could talk to openly. One thing which had sunk in fully for Gray over the course of Juvia's heartrending speech was that it was going to take a lot of time, work, and love to get Juvia to a better place. There was no way the two of them could do it alone.

They'd talked and planned until their voices were hoarse...and then they'd not talked for even longer. Juvia once again dropped the "-sama." She let him come to her. She didn't just surrender herself to him the way she had when they had each other before in their cabin, she'd given him even more—in his arms, she'd bared a small and precious part of herself Gray had never even realized she hid from him.

Over the course of the month they spent in that cabin, he'd cherished everything she gave him more than most men could've in twice the amount of time. How they'd managed to deal with that Dark Guild months and months ahead of schedule, he would never understand, because his head had never been less in the game. Neither of them had been able keep their hands off each other for more than an hour when they were alone together.

Neither had been particularly disappointed when that crotchety old landlord refused to give them back any part of their months' rent. Instead, they'd stayed till June was up breaking the place in thoroughly.

"It's payback for him being a jackass to you!" Gray had once playfully defended against her neck, pinning her against the kitchen counter and grinning as she gigglingly scolded him.

He only prayed no one ever took a UV Lacrima to the inside of that place. They'd go blind. He'd taken her on the couch, over it, against the walls, on the counters and tables, and in more positions than he'd previously known existed in that bed. When they returned home, a bunch of people had pointed out that they both looked like they'd lost weight. Gray didn't doubt it, after all the—

"...seriously, none of you know what it's like, every time we travel...OI, STRIPPER, YOU MAYBE WANNA QUIT EYE-FUCKING YOUR GIRLFRIEND WHEN WE'RE IN PUBLIC, YOU GODDAMN PERVERT?!"

The absolute last voice Gray wanted to hear when he was thinking about such great, intimate things yanked him out of his reflections in the most unpleasant of ways. An expression crossed between a scowl and a grimace consumed his features.

"Gray-sama!?" Juvia spluttered, craning her neck to peer at them over her shoulder with wide eyes. She looked half-scolding, half...affected as her cheeks went rose red.

Gray felt his own face grow hot as he turned to glare furiously at the pink-haired, disgusted-and-disgusting-looking bane of his existence.

"Would you keep your voice down, Dragon Boy?! I was not 'eye-fucking' Juvia!" His cheeks burned hotter as an elderly woman passing by shot him a deeply disapproving look.

"The hell you weren't!" Natsu snapped, drawing even more attention. "I could see all your gross, perverted thoughts right there in those droopy eyes of yours!"

"ARGH! So what?!" Gray just wanted this fight to be over, and figured that sort of admitting to what he'd been doing was the quickest way to make that happen. "Can't a guy even look at his girlfriend without pink-haired, flame-brained losers getting involved?!"

"THE HELL YOU JUST CALL ME?!"

"OH, SO YOU'RE DEAF AS WELL AS BRAINLESS, NOW?!"

"THAT'S IT, I'VE HAD IT! YOU'RE DEAD, YOU ICY BAS—"

"That's enough."

Uncharacteristically subdued and uninvolved though Erza's command was, it was enough to have both Natsu and Gray cringing and sweating in fear almost instantly.

"A-aye!" they squeaked, then sighed in relief as she shot them one last glare and clanked away.

"Ah, it always goes this way." Happy folded his little blue sausage arms over his chest and tsked. "If only Gray had kept his perverted eyes on himself, we wouldn't even be talking about this."

"And just how the heck is one supposed to 'keep their eyes on themselves', huh?" Gray growled up at the floating Exceed.

"By not being you, apparently!" he cackled back, Natsu soon joining him in his obnoxious guffawing.

"Why, you—! Get back here, you little shit!" Gray made a random grab at the little creep only to curse as he missed his tail by about a centimeter.

Meanwhile, Juvia clasped her still-red cheeks with her hands and donned an all-too-familiar, starry-eyed expression. "Juvia does not mind at all if Gray-sama...covets Juvia in public! How Juvia adores Gray-sama's passion!"

Gray flinched as if he'd been whipped in the back. In a second flat, he was blushing again. "O-oi, Juvia—!" he started, scrambling to find a way to get her to calm down before she came onto him in public.

(Again.)

"However," she continued before he figured out how to distract her, turning to look at him with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. "If Gray-sama is going to covet Juvia on a public street, Juvia thinks he should at least wear clothes."

"Wha—?! CRAP!" Gray shouted as soon as he realized he'd stripped down to his boxers. "When did that happen!?"

Juvia wrinkled her nose cutely and giggled while he scrambled for his clothes. When he was finally yanking his jacket on, he shot her a playful glare only for his lips to quirk when she winked and sauntered after Erza.

That little...she'll get it later, he thought with a huff before shoving his hands in his pockets and strolling after her. He was well aware that he was full-on grinning, now, and didn't care in the slightest.

Little interactions like that...those were the fruits of all the hard work they—especially Juvia—had done when they got back from that S-Class mission. Gray had been prepared for it to be grueling and difficult, to fight. "Relationships take work" was a piece of advice he'd heard plenty, since he started asking for advice about how to love Juvia.

But what he'd never expected to find was that, while it was hard sometimes, it was work he was all too willing and capable of doing, because it was for her. For them. And what no one had told him was that, while loving someone meant their pain became yours, it also meant that their triumphs became yours, too.

Some days had been worse than others. Even though she'd been talking to a friend of Porlyusica's and made an impressive effort to spend more times with her friends, there were moments where Gray had felt like Juvia was back at square one. But he'd been there beside her, encouraging her every step of the way while she healed, learned that he wouldn't leave her again, learned that she was worth all of it. And slowly but surely, she'd healed.

That was what no one had told him: that every time she huffed at him to do his own laundry, teased him, sassed him into taking her on a real date, and even turned him down for sex, that he would feel such a huge rush of pride and triumph.

It was true that the road had been hard, but Gray had walked it with Juvia, and that had made every step worth it.

o(O)o

AN: Ah, sorry I don't have the time to edit this now and make it more cohesive! Also that I can't publish my next chapter of Chasing Tails just yet! I definitely, definitely will come back to edit this piece one day and make it better after I've done that. In the meantime, Happy Belated Gruvia Day!

P.S.: Fun Fact! I named this partly after one of my all-time favorite fics from a completely different fandom. The Hard Road by wthtonibelle, a Kacchako fic (from the My Hero Academia fandom) which is written in a similar way and has similar themes, only it's longer and better lol. check it out if you're so inclined!

#fairy tail #gruvia #gruvia fan fiction #gruvia fanfiction #fairy tail fanfiction #fairy tail fan fiction #gray fullbuster #juvia lockser

[brandnewhuman]

Slasher instincts

@sweatyroadcopsports request

☆STARRING☆

☆Michael Audrey Myers☆

☆Brahms Heelshire☆

☆Bo Sinclair☆

☆Vincent Sinclair☆

☆Thomas Brown Hewitt☆

CONTENT:

Tw: canon violence, mature language, mentions of murder

Summary: the slashy boyfriends reacting to their s/o flinching away from them

A/N: I've been submitted this juicy angst request and honestly I was so excited to write it. Couldn't really decide between hc's or one shots but since I kept you waiting enough I decided for Hc. I went for the reader trying to cheer them up route cause I JUST LOVE THIS TYPE OF ANGST, LIKE I LOVE TO FEEL MY GUTS CHURNING BECAUSE OF HOW SAD AND HEARTBREAKING THE SITUATION GETS, and I think this way I can get more angst out of it.

BRAHMS HEELSHIRE;

Honestly I can see why his s/o flinches everytime brahms does a sudden move and sadly he does too

Brahms doesn't know how to control himself. When he's in a foul mood is not rare for you to get hurt

He has always done this; he feels upset, he gets overwhelmed, has an outburst and allows his rage to have the best of him

In those moments he doesn't realise he's hurting you ecc but as soon as they're over then he feels like shit

He might be manipulative but he never uses his physical strength upon you on purpose to force you into anything. He genuinely just gets kind of drown by his own negative emotions

Surprisingly enough, since you have been around his temper has gotten better and he now handles things a little bit less violently 

He really does want you to love him because you feel like it and not because you're scared of him or feel bad. He has now learned how much more satisfying is to know people stay out of love and not because they're forced to 

It's still happens however once in a while that he has a bit of an excessive reaction 

It happens more often than not when he's having a bad day. Everything feels like a good enough reason to be mad 

On days like those  he tends to isolate himself or however to just keep distance. Not because he doesn't wants to be with you, but because he feels so unbearable and ugly that he genuinely finds unfair to make you stay close to him

And obviously everytime this happens you try your very best to cheer him up. You just can't find it within yourself to let him feel like that without saying anything

You know what he feels or what's wrong cause he has told (after pestering him about it) and when you heard the real reason for his sudden mood swings you could swear you felt your heart break in two

You try everything on the book to cheer him up but it just feels like you're only being a burden more than being helpful

He didn't want you to feel this way but today everything has gone particularly wrong

You joking around with Malcom, later on being too busy with chores, you didn't even went to wake him up like you usually do even if it's not necessary cause he's already awake but it's just an excuse for both to spend time together 

Overall there have been too many misunderstandings and his already bad day of low self esteem didn't help

What worsened everything was the moment he finally snapped and tried to get away from you before doing something bad you flinched as he stood up from his seat

You didn't mean to and to be honest it has been quite some time since he had accidentally hurt you while throwing a tantrum but you really couldn't help. It was like your body reacted before your mind could even process what was going on. 

He paused for a moment looking at you. For a moment it felt like the whole world has went silent as he stared at you

His gaze was annoyingly unreadable, even more because of the damn mask

Like I said he's very aware of how he can be and that you have all the rights to flinch away 

But that doesn't mean he doesn't feel somehow…hurt

It's not the "you have hurt my feelings" type of thing but neither the "I feel bad because it's my fault" thing completely 

It's something between the two and It reflects at how his shoulders slump forward in both defeat and sadness

"I…I didn't mean to brahms I swear, its…its just that you stand up too fast"

He clenched his fists, fully aware of how bad it might look right now, as he heard your voice mumbling your excuses 

How can he even be mad at you when he's the one who has brought this upon himself. 

It's like all his intrusive thoughts are right but at the same time it feels bad to even think about himself and his feelings right now since you're the one that's actually scare

He makes sure to move as slow as he humanely can as he approaches you to not risk you getting up and running away 

He kneels in front of you and gently, almost as if they could break at any given time, he takes your soft hands he loves so much in his own more rough and big one's 

He traces every single line and detail of your palms and fingers, never tearing his eyes apart from your hands as his owns do they're job 

You may think he's trying to calm you down but he's actually trying to find the right words and as seconds pass by he grows more and more terrified of realising that he doesn't even know what to say. 

How could he possibly tell you he's both sorry and sad that he makes you feel this way but angry because you should know he would never hurt you on purpose? How can he explain that he knows you're scare and that you have every right but now it feels like when you look look him you don't see brahms but just someone you have to keep happy for your own sake and that all your actions are a way of self-preservation rather than genuine acts of love 

You look at him expectantly and impatient, trying to figure out if you had triggered another tantrum or if you have hurt his feelings more than how they already were

His glossy and sad big eyes are filled to brim with a million of "I'm sorry" and a billion of "I wished I could change everything" 

"I have never wished to harm you y/n…I just wish you to know that I would never do any harm to you on purpose dear" 

There's no child voice, no tantrums ecc it's the real brahms telling you the truth the best he can 

He wishes he had all the tools to be a normal lover, to give you all the things you need and deserve. It pains him greatly to know that you're kind of stuck with him, that he cannot give up the privilege of having you in his life, that he can't be that selfless to actually do what's right for your happiness rather than for his 

But worry not y/n, it can't be all tears, can't it? 

He starts being more mindful of how fast he moves when he already knows you're tense

He tries to actually communicate more instead of locking himself in his own mind and letting all the bad thoughts get to him 

The tantrums are still there but instead of being downright outbursts of rage, they're more like fighting like a "normal couple" 

He still gets really overwhelmed by emotions and feelings he doesn't understands and doesn't really know how how regulate so he tries to work on that

Every time he makes you flinch he takes your hands with one of his and with the other one he gently caresses your cheek to let you know he's not going to lay a single finger upon you

The only time he gets violent he makes the effort to focus his rage on anything but you 

Cue everytime he gets hurt like a fucking idiot and the whole thing gets forgotten for the sake of attending his wounds 

BO SINCLAIR:

Ooh you fucked up asking for this one with Bo 

He hates, HATES, the thought of scaring you 

He's never been aggressive with you cause he has always this need to prove he's not the monster everyone made out of him. That he only acted like that cause everyone kept treating him like some kind of animal everytime he felt overwhelmed by his own emotions 

It's rare to see Bo snapping at someone without good reason and the few times he has done it with you he has said sorry at the speed of fucking light 

The fact is that what's scary of Bo is not his temper but what he's capable of 

You have been in his basement when you first met him and you know how scary he is 

The fact is, he's not even mean or violent, it's the care and genuine pleasure he feels while watching people go through the same things he experienced as a child. 

It's even more fun if they react the same way he used to

He tends to do this to anyone who he deems is "being a real monster" as his father used to say

That's what, in the back of your mind always keeps you somehow on the edge

You love him immensely but you can't really help but let the intrusive thoughts wander around sometimes about the fact that one day you might do something he doesn't likes and then you would end up like every other victims

You know he loves you, you really do but sometimes you yourself don't feel like your company is enough. That you are enough for him

This time it happens to be one of those days where his mind decides to replay all of the things he tries to forget. It has been a rough couple of days with tough victims that had brought back bad memories and the fact that he hadn't been able to spend time with you hasn't helped at all

The cherry on top is when you both have an argument neither of you can remember who or why it started 

He left you to calm down for a second and just decided to have a drink since it seemed that would be his only consolation today 

After a while of watching him from afar, drinking all alone in the kitchen and just overall being miserable you decided to just say sorry and try to cheer him up

The fact is that he was already racking his own head with all the things he had said or done and how they might have affected you. 

Between him feeling like he has fucked up beyond repair, you feeling bad and trying to cheer him up, him pushing you away and shutting himself out it's just the perfect combination for the worst outcome

He just snaps and in the worst way possible 

"Can't you just go away already?! What are you even here for??!" 

Admittedly he didn't mean it to sound as it did. The meaning of each sentence in his had was different from the one you understood 

Weirdly enough, this wasn't what made you flinch. You just stood there watching him with your wide open teary eyes full of a mix of panic and sadness.

He looked at you right in the eyes and the more he stared at them the worse he felt. He kind of realise just in that moment how what he has said sounded 

What you see from outside it's a blank stare like the one you see in your worst nightmares and it feels terrifying 

So obviously when he takes a step towards you, you just flinch away holding your hands to your chest to not leave him the opportunity to take them and drag you somewhere

And that's what literally breaks him down 

And like with brahms he can't really blame you. He knows how it all looks from your perspective and that's what makes everything worse. It's the biggest misunderstanding of all history and he can't really do anything to help 

All the efforts he has made to be the best version of himself, to make it known you're the only thing that matters to him and nothing could change that, now they all feel so… useless

In his brain the whole situation it's just reinforcing the fact that maybe it's in his dna to be this way, for people to not fully trust him or feel safe around him

Suddenly his body feels like it's taking too much space and he doesn't know what to do with his hands or what to do in general 

You're kind of in the same situation. You know you have hurt his feelings and now even if you say sorry or find the best excuse ever he would never believe it and not because he's angry but because he always believe he's a monster more easily than anything you might say to make him feel better

You kind of wish he was angry at you, that would be easier to fix. If he was angry you could say sorry and tell him that it was something involuntary and you do trust him but you can't say that right now without it sounding like you just want to stay alive 

"I wouldn't have done anything to ya… I just wanted to say sorry" his brows furrow like they always do when he's trying to hold back the tears. You know that because you have noticed it happens rather frequently. He never cries not because he feels like it's weak or something but because he has always been taught that his emotions, negative or positive as they can be, should never be shown. That his feelings and his way to show them is scary and it hurts everyone so he should just keep it to himself if he doesn't want people to be upset 

You hate that he feels the need to do that again and you hit yourself mentally for making him feel like that 

As you have your own guilt trip with yourself, he's now insecure about what to do so he just decides to leave you some space and go somewhere he can let it all out without scaring you 

Unfortunately after that he becomes more close to you. That easy going and playful act he uses with victims? Yeah that's how he acts in front of you now too 

He doesn't want to risk it. If you were to leave him because of his stupid emotions he would never forgive himself 

He prefers to exhaust himself mentally by putting up a whole new, more likeable and calm person for you rather than having to see you afraid of being with him again

With time and reassurance you can help him open up again but it will take so much time and he will not trust you easily when you say you love him as he is 

How could you love him if not even his parents did? If even his brothers are sometimes scared of him? 

He could never love himself, he loves you cause you are all he wants to be but never will. You're literally the good one between the both of you and if he looks at himself he can only see bad things 

From his part though he will try to reassure you too about you being special for him. That you could never be seen as any less than his reason to live 

THOMAS HEWITT:

*sigh* this is going to break my heart

This is going to obviously be at beginning of the relationship cause I am 100% sure that once you get to know him and see how truly loyal and lovely he is with the person he loves there's no way you could have any conscious or unconscious fear of him 

I do have to say that until then this man is kinda scary 

You have witnessed him murder, butcher and eat your friends. You have seen him doing the most unspeakable and brutal things you could imagine so it's normal to fear him 

His appearance doesn't help obviously. He could easily break your neck without breaking a sweat, no matter how big or tall you think you are he's always going to be stronger. 

He has spent his whole life being a brutal machine of murder so obviously he's going to be able to hurt you without difficulty. If he wasn't like this his family wouldn't make him do all the hard work, wouldn't they?

The fact is that his personality, like of what Tommy is really made of, doesn't match with what you see on the outside

Despite everyone calling him animal or monster Tommy has much more depth and feelings than anyone you could ever meet 

That's his weakness. You would never be able to take Thomas down physically but emotionally? It's the easiest thing to hurt his feelings. And everyone does it countless times at day, whether it's unintentionally or on purpose

You may think he only gets shit from the victims but it seems like this poor man has never had a safe place where he can truly feel loved

His family is as cruel if not more as the victims when it comes to talk to him

Even luda mae, loving him and caring for him as much as she does, sometimes tends to be too rough with this gentle giant 

That's what made him want to keep you (yeah yeah shocking, the "they're kind to me" cliché I know)

When you were tied to the chair at the table, every single one of your friends kept calling him names but you just looked at him not with fear but begging for some mercy with your eyes 

Once you got to the basement and you realised what was going to happen you tried to convince him to let go of your friends, you asked for them to be forgiven and said sorry for all the mean things they were saying. Or the very least to let you call your family to say goodbye

In the blur of your fear and your survival instinct you kind of notice how he reacted more negatively to being insulted rather than being hurt or hit 

You kept crying and telling him how he didn't have to do this, that you knew he was a nice person 

And you meant it cause you caught the glimpse of guilt in his eyes

So he just kept you with him in the basement, far from his family's eye 

He lives for your nice words. He acknowledges you may be saying everything out of fear and sometimes he hates to be so aware of it but those moments, even if fake, are the best moments of the day. When you look at him with those big gentle glossy eyes, asking him with a soft although shaking voice how was his day it's like a piece of heaven has been gifted to him 

He has tried to make the basement as comfortable as possible for you and even though initially it felt like you were some sort of pet to him, now you genuinely start to feel how much he cares about you and how much he enjoys being with you

It's not Stockholm syndrome cause you're still very much aware of what he's doing and what he is. It's more like you can't really be all that angry if you get know the full situation 

He always looks forward to spend time with you and actually listens to whatever you have to say

He has never laid a finger upon you after deciding to keep you and has done everything in his power to not make you see the gruesome part of his life

You have come to realise that the basement is a sort of comfort place where he himself hides away from the world

Everytime he feels bad or wants to get away from something that's making him feel bad he runs to the basement 

Ever since you have come to be a part of his life he doesn't feels that helpless to the crushing weight of being always alone and mistreated 

You see how he comes to the basement with his shoulders slumping downwards and his gaze fixed on the ground and as soon as he sees you he seems to almost be relieved. As if just by looking at you everything gets better 

That until now

You don't really know what has happened since the only thing you could make out of it all was the yelling and screams 

You don't even have time to get up from where you were sitting that Tommy is already getting inside slamming the doors close behind him 

Now, as I said this is still early on the relationship and while you have formed a some sort of connection you still are very much scare of him suddenly changing his mind and just going batshit crazy against you 

You see this behemoth of a man, seemingly enraged, walking aggressively and dangerously close to you through the room 

What you don't see is the wound in his shoulder his clutching on and what you don't know is that all those apparent screeches of rage are just cries of pain 

He has not only messed up his work with a victim but has gotten a particularly brutal verbal abuse from hoyt because of it, the victim kept taunting him and making everything harder and even luda mae scolded him

He is literally crying his eyes out and it's so drowned in his own pain he doesn't even notice how you're slowly approaching him and trying to calm him down

You were scared yes, but when you noticed what was going on you couldn't leave him in pain like that. He has been kind with you and has taken care of every need you had in the limits of his capacities 

It's like he can't even listen to you right now. His mind keeps replaying over and over all the insults as he walks back and forth while shaking and gripping his wound a little bit too tight, making it bleed even more 

That's when you decide that you have had enough. You couldn't go a minute further watching him in this state without doing anything so you instinctively tried to hold his hands in an attempt to get him to stop and snap out of whatever he was going through 

He moved so fast and looked at you so aggressively that you couldn't stop your body from backing away and flinching. You put your hands in front of you to shield yourself as you look at him, shaking like a leaf from fear

The sight of you like that shouldn't be so upsetting considering he has seen you like this before because of him but now it is 

Just when he was starting to make progress with you, it all goes back as it was

He let out a somewhat noise of discomfort as he hurries to make as much distance as he can so you don't feel threatened 

You can see it in his eyes how guilty he feels from scaring you like that 

Before his mind can wander further into the self-deprecating pit of blame and guilt he has you gather the courage to get closer to him again and this time you hold his hands slower than before 

That action stunts him so much he just stares at you in awe wondering what's going on

If you haven't taken him by surprise so much he would actually be wary and kind of suspicious of your intentions 

But honestly after all that has happened your gentle touch is more than welcomed 

You keep holding and caressing his hands gently and softly until you feel he's calm enough to let you check his wound

After that episode your relationship with Thomas gets only better. Everything between the both of you is more smooth after that lovely time spend with you mending him up and trying to console him from all that happened 

Everytime he has a bad day as awful as that one he now doesn't hide and shuts himself away from the world but instead he runs to you and seeks your comfort 

MICHAEL MYERS:

I feel like I'm getting repetitive with this but it really depends on what version of mikey you're talking about

Let's start with the og 

Michael has quite a temper even if it doesn't look like it. He's just good at hiding things he doesn't want people to know about him

I mean he has been doing this for years, even when he was locked up he gave hell to Loomis who never got a single reaction from Michael.

The fact is that when you always hide behind a mask you kind of forget how to function and show emotions as normal human being

His emotions are very underdeveloped and atrophied. The most he feels is a mix of resentment and rage

He has the ability to learn to feel more complex thing but the problem is how overwhelmingly oppressive his already basic emotions are

It's like he has already filled everything with the wrong stuff

Think of it as being constipated, he wants to get it all out but he doesn't has the tools to do it

The only way out is by being violent and brutal 

Like I always say it doesn't help that his whole life he has been conditioned to think one way about himself 

Not only that but he finds it hard to let other people help him too. It genuinely stresses him out 

What he likes of you is that you make him feel weirdly warm and fuzzy inside

It's like the same overwhelming level of his bad emotions but this time it's something nice he feels for once

It's kind of addictive and that's what makes him stay with you. 

You're like the only thing he seeks out unconsciously when he's feeling bad or something is wrong

Obviously he won't tell you about it, and he doesn't even wants to admit to himself 

He always tends to come off as aggressive and rough so it's not something weird to see you flinching 

However it does make him feel weirdly bad 

He came home as always the only thing different from other days was the fact that he was particularly upset 

You would never know what it was that had him feeling so down but you just know something wasn't right cause he didn't exactly look like his stoic self, but he was more loomy and looked almost sad 

You tried to cheer him up by acting as you always do so he doesn't close up and distance himself 

You were eating dinner together and honestly you were beyond worried. You had never seen him like this before and nothing you're doing it's working

You got up and got closer to him and even if you know you shouldn't you tried to hold his hand anyway 

"Michael, what's wron-" You flinched away when he suddenly lifted his hand

The fact is that he wasn't even trying to hurt you or push you away for once. He wasn't going to snap at you or choke you away as he always does when he wants you away from him

He actually was going to put his hand against your cheek and your action, while confusing, it wasn't really that surprising 

He knew that even if you say you love him you were still kind of scared of him and the way he treated you sometimes wasn't helping his case

He couldn't help to feel a little bit disappointed though

He has never cared about anyone that much but you were starting to be the best thing he has ever had in his life. 

You took care of him, like truly and genuine care. You cook him warm meals, you washed his clothes, patched him up when he was hurt, you worried about him and never pushed him to talk or do anything in return

You just genuinely enjoyed his company and you were happy every time he felt good. His whole life he has been around people who always had hidden intentions behind their actions, he has never been able to fully trust someone 

The only reason he's so rough and mean to you it's because he objectively doesn't know better. He has never had anyone teaching him those type of things 

He has been locked up since he was a child, he remembers nothing of what it feels to be touched gently so it's normal and it makes sense for him to not know how to treat you carefully 

The fact that you make him wish this wasn't true it's both annoying and frustrating 

He doesn't want to care nor trust you cause that means he has something that makes him vulnerable. 

Please reassure him that you didn't meant to and it's not because you're afraid of him

Cause even if he doesn't ask for it, it means the world for him to know that you trust him even if he's sometimes bad with you 

He needs to know you're not going to change your mind about him and try to ruin his life like everyone else has done 

He'll make sure to reward you for it 

If we're talking about rz michael… *sighs* 

Maybe you can't really tell but he's having a mental breakdown over this. 

He's so afraid of you leaving, of not being special for you anymore that he will take you flinching as a sign that you don't really love him

He's going to get so cold and unbearably suspicious with you

He's following you around, he observe every little movement you do around him to try to see if you're acting somehow different 

It's such a small thing but he really cares about you and he's very aware of how rough and scary he can be 

You're his happy place, you always look at him with such love and care and he would be heartbroken if you start to look at him like everyone else does

He's so much more expressive than og or peepaw Michael so it's not hard to tell that something is upsetting him 

If you do tell him what to do to make it better for both he would do it, it will take some time but he's willing to listen 

With peepaw Michael it's tricky

If I have to be honest this whole thing with Michael has been really fucking hard to write cause he's so hard to read sometimes 

Peepaw Michael is not going to get all angsty like his younger self nor all anxious like rz myers 

If you were someone else he would love it that you're so aware of how dangerous he is

But since it's you he's really just idk…

He finds it invalidating. He has make sure to let you know you'll never have to worry about being treated like he treats everyone else

You're the only person that's not only loyal and respectful but you're the only person he can tolerate too and that helps him no matter what, why should he hurt you? 

Unlike og Michael or rz mikey he's not unnecessarily rough with you and he has always good control over his own strength and emotions 

He has learned to be softer around you cause he knows you like it better and his emotions have become more manageable 

Not because he's older and he doesn't have energy but more because he has matured(?) And now, with you, has learned so much more about how to express feelings ecc without bringing absolute havoc over everything he comes across 

So seeing you flinch it hurts him a little bit but he won't be mad or paranoid about it. He just knows he needs to understand what has caused you to react like that and fix it 

VINCENT SINCLAIR:

Vincent can be ruthless when he wants to put it in nice words 

This has to happen early on the relationship cause there's no way he gives you reasons to be scared of him once you're together 

You have witnessed how brutal he can be when it comes to killing people to complete his work

He doesn't even care what he has to do to finish it, he'll do it and he would be lying if he say he didn't enjoyed a little bit

You have managed to get spared somehow so you're now in that weird "I don't know if I'm being kept like I'm a pet or if he does really care" place 

He's always keeping an eye on you and every single one of your moves

He's not violent or aggressive with you, it's just that he can be really intimidating 

Especially if you don't know what can make him change his mind about keeping you alive

As time goes by you'll realise he's just really shy and literally doesn't knows how to approach someone in a normal way

I think that you flinching away when he's trying to get closer to you would be actually a bonding moment

I picture this happening after he suddenly storms into his workshop shaking from rage

Someone has broken one of his wax figures. It happens that this particular one was his favourite since it was the most difficult piece he has ever made

You see him as he literally tears apart everything and it's somehow fascinating to see him in this state 

He's obviously silent and yet he expresses so much. You can literally feel the swift of energy around and how everything around him folds under his mood

Now he doesn't want you to be afraid, he has spared you cause he believes you could be that soulmate thing everyone talks about 

He isn't Interested in having any sort of power over you or making you feel like you have to keep happy in order to survive. 

It shows in the way he carefully takes care of you measuring every movement and thing he does so you can understand he doesn't mean any harm to you 

He feels like he doesn't deserves your love so he settles for at least you being comfortable around him

He dreams about the moment where you could actually look at him as some kind of friend, where he can finally see your face without the mask of fear and tension all over it

He genuinely didn't meant to have such an outburst in front of you and when he sees you flinching at every one of his movements and backing away like your life depends on it, it breaks his heart 

These are the moments where he wishes even more badly to have been born with a normal face. Not a pretty one or a perfect one, just normal would have been enough

Cause in his mind the thought of you getting comfort from something as "hideous" (as he defines himself) as his face is not even a real possibility 

He gets so nervous because of it. He panics and without thinking he quickly tries to get closer to you to somehow show you he's not going to hurt you

Which only results in you backing away even more

He really doesn't know what to do with himself. He feels like he's taking too much space and wants to disappear and make your worries disappear with him 

He's on the verge of tears from all the stress

If you don't get closer to him he's just going to sort of stop existing too close to you for a couple of days. The only time he tries to get near you is to give you food or things you need

He's scared of even breathe the wrong way and scaring you again

It shouldn't be so upsetting but to Vincent it is because he just wanted to be your friend and now everything is ruined. It just makes him feel like he's right about thinking that if he looked like Bo he wouldn't struggle so much at making people comfortable around him 

If you do get closer tho omg

This man looks like he's about to get killed, he doesn't even dares to move or blink as you approach him

He could swear that you touch his hands and talking to him feels like heaven. No it doesn't feel like, it is heaven. 

If you ask him he doesn't even remembers what you said, which is weird cause he does remember how gentle and lovely your voice sounded in that moment

He would do anything to get you to talk to him this way forever 

And he does, he literally lives and breathes for you. 

Slowly but surely you both create a more strong bond so in the end everything goes nice 

Plus, the only thing he can truly feel proud of is being able to say you don't flinch anymore around him. 

#submission #slasher fandom #slashers #slasher community #slasher fanfiction #horror movies #slasher x reader #slasher headcanons #house of wax #bo sinclair #michael myers #vincent sinclair #thomas brown hewitt #brahms heelshire #og michael myers #peepaw michael myers #rz michael myers #bo sinclair x reader #vincent sinclair x reader #brahms heelsire x reader #thomas hewitt x you #michael myers x reader #brian van holt #slasher

[in33d4n4me]

"Try me"

Warnings: Swearing

Synopsis: Basically a shy aruji-sama is not letting nobody talk bad about their butlers

A/n: yaaay Vee is becoming consistent with their content

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You really tried not to be rude.

But these damn nobles think they're better than everyone else

Your butlers risk their lives everyday and this is how they're repaid???

It didn't help that you were a shy person, so you didn't have the courage to snap back at them

Not at first.

But as time went on, and you truly saw how badly your butlers- no- your friends were being mistreated, you got even more upset.

When going on your first shopping trip in espoir, you were first exposed to how the townsfolk hated them.

You never understood why.

The butlers help them all day, every day.

Then, that same day, when ammon was beaten and the men that had taken part in his beating dared to tell him to fight?

You will never forget the rage you felt.

You never forgot their faces either.

You didn't forget the faces they made when they were taken by the angels either

Serves them right

Now, the butlers aren't very aware of how pissed off it makes you.

They understand that it makes you upset, but not how upset you are about it.

In all honesty, everyone should be borderline worshipping them with how much they save people's asses

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When you were at the ball, and you bumped into that noble and sprained your wrist, when lucas came over to help, you'll never forget the words the noble spewed out of his filthy mouth

"Not a single one of you Devil Butler's is a good person."

Huh?

What the hell was he saying?

Lucas was just making sure you were okay?

Yet another reason to despise the nobles, it seems

Well, that's just one reason added to many

.

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You've been with the butlers for months now, and over and over, they're mistreated by townspeople and nobles.

The final straw was when a female noble had made fun of flure because he "looked too much like a girl", while he was shopping for fabrics in espoir.

What?

"Care to repeat that, ma'am? I don't think I heard you properly."

To say you were pissed the fuck off would be an understatement, but your face held a smile that didn't quite reach your eyes.

You were now in front of flure, hiding him behind you while staring straight in to the nobles' eyes.

" I mean, look at him! He looks weak and frail, there's no way he could be a devil butler. He probably can't even fight!" The noble said as she giggled a little bit.

At this point, flure was now fully hiding behind you. He wants to dissappear.

"Honestly, this is why people keep getting attacked by angels, because we're trusting weaklings like him to defend us."

"Well then protect yourselves." You snap back with a harsh tone. If looks could kill, that noble would be in the grave already.

"Excuse me!?" She seems appalled, not expecting you to come at her. And apparently flure wasn't expecting it either. You were always so calm and quiet.

"You heard what I said." You snarled back at her

"If you think they're so weak, then defend yourselves. Don't ask them for anything. You insult them, and treat them like trash, and on top of that, you expect them to be perfect?!?!? Did it ever occur to you, oh-so- selfish noble, that they're also fucking human?!?!? They may have the power of devils, but they still have human emotions and limitations. You can't just say shit like that and expect them to work for assholes like you!"

At this point, a group of townspeople gathered around you, flure, and the noble, and needless to say, they're rethinking how they treat the butlers.

The noble looks around and realizes that others have seen her get called out, and tried to formulate a response.

"Well I've never seen such a disrespectful little-"

"Disrespectful?"

"If anyone is disrespectful, it's you lady. How about you acknowledge that fact first. And don't you ever talk to me about disrespect. Let's go flure."

You drag flure behind you while he's in shock. He's strangely happy though. His master defending him makes him smile a little while blushing.

When you get back to the mansion, you're still pissed off, but try to hide it. Flure is still in shock.

"Hm? What's this? Are you alright, you two?" Berrien seems to materialize in front of you, and while you're a little startled. You still answer him.

"Yes, we're alright, some noble was being a jerk while we were shopping though." You respond, looking displeased when mentioning that disgusting noble.

"Ah. I see. I'm sorry to hear that. And flure, are you sire you're alright? You look rather jarred."

"A-ah, yes I'm fine, it was a successful shopping trip. Sorry for worrying you."

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Needless to say, the butlers were confused when everyone in town was treating them kindly.

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A/n #2: wanted to write this bcs the nobles piss me off with how they treat the butlers smh

#akuneko #devil butler with black cat #あくねこ #aknk

[onippep]

Let it Happen

The big Five-O, Peppi...ha! Don't you worry, I'll catch up to you soon!

Believe me, you don't want to. I walked up some stairs the other day and thought my joints were going to lock up.

[Laughs] Ah come on, I'm sure it isn't all bad! Just look at you! You don't look a day over 35.

Wait til you can see the white hairs.

You're alright, Peppi, honestly. You've been doing well for your age. I know it's a big number, but think of it this way! You're in a much better spot than you were a year ago! Several months, even!

Strange how fast stuff can change.

Yeah.

It's... been hard, either way, but yeah, a little easier. Especially with him.

Onippep?

[nods]

He's been a blessing for you. I hope I can continue to help you out wherever I can, but I think that frog's been doing a lot of the heavy lifting.

Super heavy.

But look at it. Does it look exhausted at all? No. That's passion. That's what love is, I think.

Big word.

Hm? Pbffft, no it isn't, bro, it's a simple word! Four letters!

Not what I meant.

Hear me out, though! It doesn't have to be complicated. Me and Brick? We're tight. He's like a sibling to me. First our fists were flying at each-other in that Tower, but now we're watching cartoons together every night and joking about rat and gnome things. I'd say that's love, too! Just in a different way.

...

Just-- point is, don't let more complicated definitions keep you from it. You can work for love, but it'll never be a chore. Never a stress. Let it come to you.

You're sayin' all of this as if I have a crush on that thing.

[gives him a look]

... WHAT. DON'T STARE AT ME LIKE THAT.

You're still such a scaredy-cat.

Oooh, awesome thing to say to me on my birthday, Gus! Come on, man. I'm not scared of anything.

Uh-huh.

...

...

...[snickers] Quit it.

Nuh-uh. You've been clammed up ever since we repaired that window. The tension can be cut with a dull spoon, compagno. [smacks his shoulder]

Whatever! Leave me alone. [chuckling]

It's my job to pester, you damn fruit! [laughs]

D-don't pressure me! I swear it's becoming clearer. Slowly. I just wanna be open to other options while I'm at it.

Anton's not coming back, sweetheart.

[shoves him playfully] YOU HURT ME. You hurt me good. You sure you're not single?

WHY ARE YOU AVOIDING THIS SO MUCH! You're insufferable!

[both laugh]

Back to being real-- I support you in anything you do, Pepp. Just don't overthink it. You're in a better spot now, you can process things. Don't let me set you back.

Yeah. For sure. I've-- been feeling shit I haven't felt in ages, so it's just a little jarring.

Ooh, what, the... [makes a butterfly motion with his hand]

[nods]

[mockingly] OoooooOOOoooo!~

A--OI! AYE! NOT SO LOUD!

Sorry! Sorry. I'm actually thrilled. I think something in you is healing, friend.

Pfft. Cheesy. You think so?

Yeah, absolutely. That doesn't just 'happen'.

...

[gestures]

I--uh. I just. Get super aware of time and everything, so I think that mixes into all of that. Age-wise.

You're middle-aged. You've still got plenty of time.

Easy for you to say, man, all my biological functions are already waning.

It's natural. It doesn't mean anything's ending, man. That happens as soon as we're born.

S-still, I can't help but think about how I've got a bit of a time limit to decide who I wanna be with for the rest of my life.

Sheesh. Easter really screwed you up, didn't it.

[chokes] You fuckin' think?! It's humiliating seeing everyone all married with kids while I'm the fag of the family that hasn't even gotten a date for the last 10 years. I'm such a loser, man.

Aye, easy, brother. You're fine. Look around you. Do you see anyone else across these fields? You're just in a really bad location, with bad circumstances. You're not some lesser man for that. If anything, the world owes you an apology.

That sounds like the most narcissistic thing I've ever heard.

It's got some merit to it. You have to believe me here, Giampaolo, I swear all the gays in town would be all over you if you were closer to the city.

Pffft. Whatever you say.

Next Pride, I'll prove it to you. You gotta come out this year.

I think I've still got my leather around somewhere...

That's the spirit. And who knows, maybe a certain frog can come with you. Enjoy the sights and sounds. Enjoy the You.

[flustered] Fffffuckin'. Whatever. [chuckling] My life's never been really ordinary anyway.

Your first mistake is ever thinking otherwise. My roommate is a giant rat. You suplexed a man with a pizza for a head and destroyed a giant Tower with nothing but your rage.

[sigh] ...yeah. You're right.

Sometimes you gotta let things happen. You'd be surprised.

Yeah. [smiles]

#;snapshots #;pepperoni #;gustavo speaks #;it's a red birthday #f slur cw #;peppino speaks #long post // #enjoy two old gays talking abt shit)) #this was rlly nice to write))

[nessinborderland]

Hello!! I hope you're having a wonderfull wekeend 💖💖

Can I request a Gwinam x f!reader fic where the teacher has put them in together to do a project and she invites her to her house, he obviously doesn't has any intention in doing the project but he has always liked her (and she likes him too), and he's not going to miss this opportunity of being with her. So when they're at her house he lays in her bed and and start opening the drawers and stuff while he's doing the project and he finds a hentai manga or something like that so he starts laughing and then she realizes why and puts on top of him trying to get it back and your magic happens 😂😂

Sorry for being this long.... thank you so much!!! 🙏🙏💖💖💖

I changed it a lil bit, but I think you still might enjoy it 😂 this is very messy and I'm still sick but I've been desperate to write and post something so here, enjoy <3

"You really suck at this, you know?" you said over your shoulder as you organized the information necessary for your PowerPoint presentation, the click of the mouse muffled by your Spotify playlist playing.

"It's a group project, how bad can I be at it?" Came Gwinam's answer from behind you, followed by a yawn that made you roll your eyes.

He had agreed to come to your house after school so you could finish your presentation together; you know, the one due in two days? You had both procrastinated for long enough, and of course you had to be the one to put an end to it. Not that he was of much help; if you knew he was like this you wouldn't have let him choose you as his partner, to begin with.

Well, too late for that now.

"Then why aren't you helping me?"

"I'm helping!"

"You're literally laying in my bed..." you looked at him over your shoulder, doing a double-take as you noticed something in his hand. Something he most definitely was not supposed to be holding. "H-How did you get your hands on that?..."

He had the audacity to chuckle, and you swallowed as you felt a cold sweat start to run down your back. You were fucked.

"It was literally in your top drawer," he said, waving your sex toy around while you looked at him absolutely mortified. "I wasn't even looking for this stuff. Interesting though, never thought you like them so... thick."

"Give me that!" you demanded as you threw yourself at him, cheeks burning like a furnace as you straddled his lap to reach your toy. You never imagined in a million years that he would be going through your stuff, but you really should've been more careful.

"Make me!" he laughed as he held the dildo out of your reach. "Oh shit, it vibrates too!"

"Yoon Gwinam, I swear to God, give it back or I'll find a way to shove it up your ass!"

"Oh, I'm sure you would love that." Something in his expression changed, and you held your breath as you realized how close you were to his face, now hyper-aware of his body under yours. "I'll tell you what; show me how you use it and I'll forget you ever threatened to use it on me. How does that sound?"

You licked your lips, a familiar wetness pooling in between your legs. What did you had to lose at this point?

"Promise you'll help me with the presentation after?" you bargained.

"Let me use this on you while I fuck you and I promise I'll take care of all of your schoolwork till the end of the year, baby."

#all of us are dead #all of us are dead fanfiction #yoon gwinam #yoon gwinam x reader #yoon gwi nam #aouad drabbles

[ethereousdelirious]

CW // IRL/SELF OBS

I either have demon allergies from hell or some sort of unspecified respiratory virus, so in acknowledgement of that, here's that fever obs I promised y'all last month and never delivered on

The backstory:

I was a very healthy adolescent/young adult so I had no real experience with any sort of prolonged fever. Then I managed to catch the flu last month (tested positive for Influenza A 💀) and came down with an Actual Fever, and figured I'd dump my observations here for fic reference (or whacking off, if that's more your cup of tea)

Here's my account. I tried to lock in on the interesting, sickfic-y details

The good shit:

-I had a scratchy throat and a cough for 2 days beforehand that I thought was laryngitis from talking too much (my friend had been visiting so I was YAPPING)

-Then the reckoning began

Fever 102-103°F

-I woke up on Day 3 with a fever. I had never had a fever before. I knew exactly what was wrong with me. My skin felt wrong and I was cold even though I could tell, somehow, that my apartment was warm. There was some sort of perception-reality mismatch that I was deeply aware of.

-I really could not get warm. I was shivering under piles of blankets, and I remember thinking, "If anyone tried to snuggle me warm, sickfic style rn I think i would Actually Kill Them." When I tell you I did not want to be bothered.

-I even tried to romanticize it like "teehee, if I was in a sickfic right now, I would want my Caretaker to... to, um... uh..." I honestly just wanted to be left the hell alone so I could sleep.

-I was SO fucking tired?? When I got up for like food or whatever, I started not letting myself sit down because I knew I would start to fall asleep, and then I'd have to haul myself back up to go to bed. I swear I've never used so much willpower and self-discipline in my LIFE, but it took so much determination to stand up and go to bed. It didn't matter if I was in the middle of eating or making coffee, if I got tired, it was either go to bed or collapse.

-The only time I ever felt too hot was when I tried to drink coffee for my caffeine addiction. I lasted about two sips before I started burning up and falling asleep and reckoned I had about 60 seconds to decide if I was gonna go to bed or let it happen in an armchair with a mug of hot coffee in my hand. (I went to bed).

-Overall, I was very able to do things for myself. I was slow and tired, but I felt like my mental energy was fine enough. I managed to take care of my dog and eat (sort of) and all that

-My focus felt very narrow. I could really only focus on one thought or task at a time, with no room for planning. (So no "I'll eat something, then have some water, take my dog out, and go back to bed." It was one thought at a time.)

-Speaking of eating...

-I had NO appetite, so I started forcing myself to drink milk every time I woke up. I can easily see how a character could become dehydrated or forget to eat when feverish. I had 0 hunger cues. All I wanted was popsicles for my sore throat.

-Because I have sickfic brainrot, I was constantly asking myself: "Could I push through this? What tasks could I perform if I absolutely had to?"

-I decided that driving was a definite no. Curiously, I also couldn't stand up straight, like I was too tired. However, I estimated that, with sufficient adrenaline, I could probably perform cardiovascular exercises if needed (so yes running, no weightlifting). And, though I think it really would have hindered my recovery, I probably could have forced myself to stay awake and do computer or paper tasks that required no creativity. (So clerical tasks, filling out paperwork, basic math, etc)

Fever in the 100s

-Day 4 was the day I got the Sickfic Cough

-We're talking like choking, desperate, "something in my chest needs OUT!" kinda coughs. A couple times it even got so bad it triggered my gag reflex, but thankfully nothing came of that

-I was still tired, but I finally had the presence of mind to talk to text people instead of just scrolling on Tumblr

-For some reason I got a craving for Asian pears that I was tragically unable to fulfill. If I'd had a lovely sickfic Caretaker to fetch me Asian pears I swear I would have married them.

-SO. FUCKING. COLD. This was really the day I started longing for a "Character B," if you will. I wanted somebody to hold me sooo badly. But alas I had to make do with extra blankets.

-Then I started waking up absolutely DRENCHED in sweat, aware that my internal temperature was too high but absolutely FREEZING. Again, I would have loved for someone to help me wash my bedding and get new pajamas and run me a bath, but it was just me. So the sheets went unchanged and I started having to cycle through pajamas and it was fine.

-^This apparently had nothing to do with my fever "breaking," because it happened many times with my temperature sort of bouncing around the 100-102 zone with no particular pattern to speak of

Brief Interlude on Physical Appearance

-Both days I had a fever, I honestly thought I looked lovely. I've had a few stomach bugs before and turned so pale I was basically green, but this kind of had me a yellowish pale? I have a golden undertone so I think that had something to do with it. I didn't notice any "fever glaze" to my eyes, nor any red cheeks, but my eyelids looked darker? It was really very flattering. If my hair hadn't been so fucked up I would have taken some selfies, but alas, I looked like a bog creature.

-I can kinda see what the Victorians/menhera girlies are on about....

Recovering

-Day 5 was uneventful. I woke up without a fever and had to drag my ass to urgent care to get a return-to-work note because I never bothered to link up with a PCP (I know, I know)

-Here's a bonus scenario for you all: I arrived at the urgent care a little after opening only to find a sign on the door that the staff was having a meeting and the urgent care was opening an hour late. So I had the choice of spending 20 minutes standing out in the cold. while recovering from the flu. or to walk back to my car. neither of which I particularly wanted to do.

-I waited in my car. When I finally saw the a provider, she was so unconcerned about me that I was almost offended

-(Not in a bad way, just that I felt awful and had spent the last day wanting someone to "Oh poor baby" me, but in the medical field, an otherwise healthy, polite 20-something with no other health concerns than "recovering from the flu" is not even remotely a big deal)

The symptoms stuff is done now, but I figured I'd include the medical system details in case anyone wants them, or for me to reference later:

-For the medical details: An MA (medical assistant) took me back and asked me the routine questions (symptoms, when did they start, any major concerns, date of last period— they didn't give me a pregnancy test, which I appreciated, but afaik policy on that varies from location to location), and took my temperature and blood pressure. This was done with me in one of the normal chairs on the floor.

-The MA also verified I had tested negative for COVID at home, and swabbed my nose for a flu test

-The NP (nurse practitioner) who came in later had me hop up on the exam table, verified my answers about my symptoms, and listened to my lungs with a stethoscope. She was the one who gave me the results of the flu test. She skimmed over educating me on recovery, presumably because I'm young, healthy, and seemed very comfortable and familiar with everything that was going on (I was— both my parents worked in the medical field, my sister is a nurse, and I work in medical records). She prescribed me something to help with my cough and sent me on my way with some printouts detailing what I symptoms I could expect as I recovered, my return-to-work note, and (for some reason) my name and blood pressure

-And that was that

That's all! I hope this was, if not informative, sexy, or helpful, at least mildly interesting :)

#okay to rb #ethereous speaks

[leporschespam]

Getting to Know Your BL Mutuals

rules: answer the questions and tag some people. include the tag ‘g2ky BL mutuals 2022’ on your post so we can find everyone’s answer. 

(optional ofc <33)

i was tagged by @braceletofteeth <33 thank you!!

wow this got really long,, good luck yall

What were the BLs that took you by surprise last year? 

i won't lie, i wasn't surprised that i enjoyed kinnporsche, but to the extent that i did (and of course still do), that was kinda surprising. they had me paying to watch a livestream of gay™ the musical, and i'm not even mad. it was my first thai bl, so, oh lord, my standards were raised.

last twilight in phuket - controversial, but i think i prefer it to i told sunset about you (though itsay is so so good). i didn't know 13.43 mins could make me feel so much, but there we are, and i'm very happy to be in that situation.

What were the BLs that you felt a bit disappointed with last year? 

oh i have some very controversial opinions on this–

- there's one that everyone really loves that i didn't finish, thought it was trying to be bigger than what it was (if that makes sense), and just found it really... boring. it got to one plot line and i'd had enough– though i'm willing to give it a re-try because, granted, i was in a kinnporsche mourning period when it came out. im not even gonna name it because i swear everyone i follow loves it (welp-)

- to my star

again, controversial, but i haven't seen this being talked about as much as the last one. i haven't seen s2, but oh my god, i'm sorry but i was so bored, and this was before kinnporsche so my standards weren't even insanely high, yeahhh

- blueming

it wasn't *bad*, but the way everyone hyped up made me think it was gonna be something really special, yeah i was definitely disappointed

- cutie pie

didn't finish. arranged marriage is never my favourite, but i'd heard so many people say how good it was, and sometimes you have to trust the crowd. i didn't find that here. i may well re-try it, along with the unnamed show further up, but yeahhhh. best part was perth, and he genuinely might be the only reason i try it again.

What was your favourite BL last year? 

unsurprisingly, kinnporsche :)

i'd been without a favourite show for a little while, which is so so unlike me. i tend to need something to consume me and kinnporsche just did that. first ep and holy fucking shit, *that* is what i'm talking about. i hadn't actually heard of it until an edit came up on instagram, and i instantly downloaded iqiyi, found ep 1 and 2 were out, binged those, and fell in love really

when i say it became my favourite show just from the first episode, i truly mean that. it was the biggest power move of a first episode and ughdhdh perfect <33

i've tried (and will continue to try) to convince my mates to watch it. i have been successful once with the whole show. a few of my mates just know vegaspete as KFCock, but yknow a win is a win, they are aware of their existence, which i'll gladly take.

Favourite BL/GL couples (not just of 2022) 

grouped by show/film~

kinn and porsche (kinnporsche)

vegas and pete (kinnporsche)

kim and chay (kinnporsche)

arm and pol (kinnporsche - they're canon idc)

chan and big (kinnporsche - also canon, you cannot convince me otherwise)

moon-jo and jong-woo (strangers from hell - absolutely canon)

oh-aew and teh (i told sunset about you – but not after ep 3 of i promised you the moon, nawww i'm so mad)

art and golf (till the world ends)

joke and long (till the world ends)

sam and mon (gap)

arisa and ying (the stranded)

nat and gun (the stranded)

jack and krit (the stranded)

jia-han and birdy (your name engraved herein)

kuina and ann (alice in borderland)

jae-young and sang-woo (semantic error)

tae-sung and hae-bom (cherry blossoms after winter)

park and pong (big dragon – i've watched 4 eps, i'm staying for them and them only. yai and mangkorn? no- park and pong? fuck yeah!! i haven't finished it yet, i'm doing one ep per night, so four more to go. i'm surprised it's getting a season 2, but i'll take it for park and pong instead of the main two ✋️✋️)

that was long– anyway it turns out i definitely need more gl recs, which i expected, but yeah, please gimme recs

If you had to suggest a BL for someone, what would it be? 

allow me to suggest a few~~

kinnporsche

- mafia, but *sometimes* make it wholesome. and then add a hearty dose of PAIN. perfect :D,, i know i've already said it, but i'll say it again it's consumed me, and i'm so grateful. i had some of the worst exams when it was coming out, and kinnporsche genuinely got me through each week, kept me smiling, made everything just a bit more bearable, and i am forever grateful for that.

strangers from hell

- what do you mean it's not a bl. of course it is. whatever moon-jo and jong-woo have going on is most definitely *not* heterosexual. also there was way more chemistry between those two than jong-woo and ji-eun. if you're looking for a comfort psychological thriller, this is it :D - i mean it's the most wholesome show i've ever watched, just two guys bonding over shared interests and falling in love (aww)

till the world ends

- on my knees begging someone to watch it– it's really pretty, made me cry, from a very small film company and eee i love it

i told sunset about you (& last twilight in phuket)

- so so aesthetic and pretty and ughfhhf– last twilight in phuket is maybe one of the prettiest thing i've seen. itsay is also so so pretty. HOWEVER, for the sake of your own sanity, don't watch i promised you the moon. i mean ep 1 is really good, but after ep 3 and maybe ep 2? hell naw

semantic error

- this may have been my first bl? idk, anyway, it'll forever have a soft spot in my heart, it's wholesome enemies to lovers 😌😌 also i'll say series > film – the film is literally 3 hours long, which i wasn't prepared for so that's kinda on me, but yeah

cherry blossoms after winter

- i had shitty mocks when this came out and it made every thursday so much better. it's really wholesome and very much screams comfort.

the stranded

not explicitly a bl, however there's one canon mlm couple, another borderline canon mlm ship, and basically canon lesbians. it's kinda like a thai teen version of lost (idk if any of yall have seen that) but yeah :)

What was your non-BL favourite last year? 

oooooooh~~

i think it's gonna have to be happiness

mwah, beautiful, stunning — childhood friends with unrequited love to fake marriage to found family to requited love, and zombies like that is the SHIT!!

south korea just owns zombies honestly, because everything i've seen is so good, even the not so well rated ones (this,, train to busan, all of us are, #alive - to some extent)

other mentions 😌😌

:: little women (the kdrama) is another elite show, highly highly recommend it. my trust levels went all over the place during it, but hell yeah

though i do feel robbed about a certain ship. not even a hug :|

:: money heist korea is another one!

forgive me for not having watched the original,, but anyway i've heard that tokyo's really annoying in the original which sucks :/ oH nairobi is bi, because i said so

the end~

tagging (ofc optional <3)

@songtaegguk @achilleanskops @badboyvegas @kinnporsche-n-chill @subtextsays

#g2ky bl mutuals 2022 #i got to talk about stuff i adore im very happy #yall can guess the unnamed show i hated and mayyybe i'll confirm #i love answering all this stuff but then i get so unnecessarily nervous about tagging people

[someone-ds]

I feel so stupid. And I also feel so young.

I've always been very mature and behaved a lot older than I actually am but these past three weeks have shown me how much of a child I actually am.

I am an adult now. Technically.

But I have never felt this young and stupid.

I have also never felt this unwanted in an environment like I have today.

I feel like a burden. Like a charity case.

I am aware that it's not my fault. I am literally in my fourth week at this job, let alone industry. That's why I am here. To learn. So I shouldn't be made to feel like I do not belong and that I am nothing but a burden.

Someone to babysit.

There is one woman here who is making it especially hard for me. Being very passive aggressive and just straight up mean.

I know that the other departments are way worse and I am aware that others have had it worse but still that doesn't have to invalidate my experience and pain.

I feel like an outcast. It's horrible. Makes me think of school all over again. But in school all of us were on a same level. Same age.

This is a completely different fucking playground.

I haven't felt this lonely in a room full of people since krems. And THAT is saying something.

Maybe I am just too sensitive. And all of this is only half as bad as I am making it out to be. Maybe I'm not cut out for this job. Maybe.

But then again who do these people think they are to make me feel like this? What right do they have to make me feel like an alien when all I want to be is one of them?

This is sounding like school again. I mean that's the only social setting with a lot of people I've ever had in my life so obviously it's going to sound like school.

Well...

The minutes do not go by. The clock is standing still and with every second that passes my throat closes more and my eyes turn more sad.

I probably look like a kicked puppy. which goes to show how much of a wimp I am. Hard to believe that I used to take shit way worse than this like it was nothing. I'd just keep on walking.

How did I do that? How can one person take so much and then nothing?

I've never felt this raw and emotional in my life. I feel like I am naked, all of my emotion painted across my face. All of the little things I'm am worried about written on my forehead for people to laugh and poke fun at.

I feel like I have been striped of my pride.

worst of all.

I did that to myself.

How can a person know everything at 14 and nothing at 18?

What happened? And how do I fix this?

How can I make this feel right again?

Because I cannot stay like this for long. I'll kill myself before the first summer rain comes, I swear it.

I am not sure where to even begin fixing THIS.

What do I even have to fix? What is broken? What needs to be looked at?

I have no idea what is making me feel so childlike. So foolish. So emotional.

Do you think that there is something to fix? Or is this the new normal? Is this who I am now?

A grown ass adult suddenly realising that all they ever did was wait for 18 and never thought passed that stupid date.

Because I did it. I made it. I am an adult. At least by definition.

Nothing has changed. Expect that now if my parents ever decide that I am too much to bare they can just stop taking care of me. Now, I don't think they'd ever do that but I don't want to get anywhere near a point where my mother thinks I'm a burden to the family.

Or even worse- what she did wrong for me to turn out like this.

I know that I am very far away from this happening, that I've only been 18 for 23 days and I know that even if I'm 28 and living with my parents they'd be fine as long as I contributed with the money.

So we're fine on that front.

It's just I cannot shake this feeling of being a burden. A dead weight. A haunted memory you can't get rid of.

I feel like the plague.

#love #i love you #heartbreak #poetry #deep #love quotes #love poem #diary #angst #books #work stuff #work problems

[cries-of-a-crow]

About recovering from depression

It's so hard to explain to people what recovery after heavy depression is like. I've spent years going back retracing my steps and trying to puzzle back together who I used to be only to find some pieces are just missing or beyond repair. I used to go so long without eating and drinking and it fucked my senses up so bad I still have to manually check whether I'm hungry or thirsty.

It's such a major part of how I function but I can never find a way to explain it in a way that doesn't sound like a stupid excuse. Like about a year ago, I borrowed a book from a friend from a series I was super interested in and I did actually start reading it basically the day I brought it home and I got about 3 chapters in before I had to stop because I was just struggling that hard with reading. This ended up just sending me down a spiral because I used to love reading so much before my depression got bad. It felt like a thing I adored had been ripped away from me and I couldn't get it back no matter how many times I restarted. And now when my friend asks me how far I am in the book I can only sheepishly respond that I'm not good at reading anymore but I swear I used to be. It only makes me sound like I'm trying to make up excuses for being too lazy to read rather than "I really tried but I ended up crying when I did" which I also can't really say because I don't want to be looked at with pity.

I don't struggle with depression anymore nearly as hard as I used to do, but I also am always aware that its existance has defined a lot of my past and in what I can and cannot do. But sometimes that's alright you know? I'm okay that I can no longer read like a machine. I have changed and I would rather be who I am now rather than who I used to be, but still I wish it was easier to talk about something like this. I wish I didn't have to explain ever time I forget to eat, to explain everytime I struggle with what others see as an easy hobby.

I wish sometimes it was an accepted topic to just go "I lost the ability to do this thing because mentally I had given up on everything, but I'm really trying, even if I'm failing miserably" without judgement.

I wish people were more aware that depression feels like a war you've fought that leaves scars that are hard and sometimes even impossible to heal.

But that doesn't mean I'll stop trying.

I'll bring that book everywhere I go, so one day hopefully, I'll read it. And then I can say that I've healed if only a little bit. Even if today is not that day yet. We'll work on it.

#tw vent #tw depression #tw mental illness #vent #depression #mental health #mental illness #recovery #motivation #healing