#I have rewatched it so many times after understanding the whole thing

[saneabandoned]

Diving into Star Wars: The Clone Wars

“Good soldiers follow orders.”

This seems to encapsulate the whole seven seasons of the series Star Wars: The Clone Wars. If you haven’t seen it, haven’t heard of it – in short, it’s an animated series set between Episode II and III of the prequel saga. However, the aim of this is not to be a guide – you can go to Wookiepedia for that; this is supposed to be an essay – analysis, some kind of a deeper-ish dive into the philosophy and meaning of the series, that frankly is one of the best things to happen to this film universe, perhaps ever. I have, time and again, tried to explain for myself the meaning it carries and just why it has me in such a strong chokehold, but I have failed, or at least haven’t reached a conclusion. Maybe it’s not possible, maybe it’s just the magic of being a fan – you see and feel things not everyone would understand, because it speaks to you on some personal level, that even some (more chill than me, at least) fans won’t be able to entirely relate to. I have yet to meet a person as obsessive as I am over all kinds of different media – don’t get me wrong, even though Star Wars is without a doubt my favourite universe, there are many more I have indulged in, wrote about, watched, listened, theorized and all that good stuff throughout many years. But as I have recently come to realize, I have spent the last ten-ish years of my (not that long, to be fair) conscious life thinking about this universe, this whole galaxy (pun absolutely intended) of characters, morals, and plots.

Speaking about morals, that’s where some of the importance of The Clone Wars comes for me personally. Ever since I can remember, Star Wars has been a huge deal in my life – I watched the movies at a very young age (thanks, mom!), but started reading more and more into the whole world as I got older. I thought I’d reached the peak somewhere in high school when I would literally rewatch the prequels every single weekend, and the OG movies about once a month too. I just found it mesmerising, I always have – being a person with a huge imagination, that never quite stops working (and that’s caused me some trouble as well), I found a haven in this world, a place where nothing is too weird, everything is just so brilliantly imagined and thought of, written and painted so vividly, that it feels like someone has taken the insides of my brain, turned them into a whole painting, adding stories, characters and just overall putting into words and pictures the things that I can’t really understand and explain for myself. I found a mirror in this world, a sanctuary for all my thoughts. I used to listen to the soundtracks whenever I felt anxious, and it would transport me directly into the universe I felt so safe in. It was an escape from reality; still is – not that reality was or is particularly scary or unbearable for me; but sometimes I wish I was elsewhere; somewhere where there is courage, bravery, adventure, love, all the things I longed for while being quite honestly, mostly a bored teenager at school.

I have always loved writing, loved expressing my thoughts, putting them into words (as is becoming obvious by this text) and have always greatly appreciated when films, books or other media would reciprocate that – when the words on the screen or the page would feel like I wrote them myself, so true, so real, so incredibly close to me, that I would get literal shivers and wonder if telepathy is actually possible. But hey, that’s The Force for you!

As of now, I have just finished completely rewatching the whole Clone Wars series and as always, I have many thoughts on it. The first time I watched it was right after the final season came out because at that time, and especially during the pandemic, I was going deeper than ever into my interests, rewatching all my favourite things, while also searching for new ones to keep me from going absolutely insane (I think I maybe have succeeded in the opposite though). So, stumbling across this series, I thought I’d give it a try. The rest is history – after absolutely and hungrily devouring it, I continued to Rebels, and every other possible piece of media under the sun. Fabulous times.

Now, one thing I’d like to make clear – I’m not a pro. I am not in any way a certified critic, a writer, or any other sort of person authorised to make such an analysis. I am but a fan, a fan for whom this universe means more than I could ever hope to be able to put into words; a fan who after years of contemplation, has reached a point where I can’t keep it inside any longer. I’d love if this piece of writing makes it out in the universe, reaches as many people who enjoy Star Wars as much as I do, but even if not, I am writing it for myself, I am trying to step out of my comfort zone, reach deep into myself, and in a life of struggling with the loudness of my thoughts, trying to put something down, manifesting my emotions and creating something physical from them; these characters that mean so much to me will never be real, I can never hope to speak to them, touch them, or see them in real life. They have although shaped me as a person and largely formed my psyche and morals, view of the world, inner monologue, even some of my characteristics.

So nevertheless, for me they are more real than a lot of people I know are.

***

To begin, I don’t intend to focus on the Jedi’s role in the war – it is of course vital, but I think the discourse about that is to be found more detailed in relation to the movies, namely the prequels, as CW is very much about the clones themselves. When I first started watching it, I will be honest, I didn’t think I’d find what I ended up finding – and that is such depth that I couldn’t imagine finding again, after being a fan of the movies, both OG and prequels, for so long. But was I wrong!

But let’s start with Ahsoka, since I started by mentioning the Jedi and she is one of the first new characters to appear (besides Rex and many others, of course). First, I wasn’t convinced that I liked her much – she was a bit of an annoying youngling for the first few seasons, after all. I wanted Anakin and that’s about it. Well, I got what I wanted, I think, as I am firm in my opinion that Anakin’s arc is so widely explored that you get a whole another view of his character, something I didn’t think was possible, after all – isn’t the entire saga about him? It is, but still – what I saw in CW, through characters such as Ahsoka and Rex, contributed so much to Anakin’s development as a character and leading force in the saga as I don’t think anything else ever did in the movies, any of them. So, yes, I got what I wanted, but also, I got so much more – Anakin is not my main point of discussion here, I think as main of a character he might be in this series, he is not THE main one, at least not for me. And as Dave Filoni is quoted saying – The Clone Wars is about Ahsoka and Rex.

Who are they? That was my main wonder when I first started watching – why would I care about a random clone captain and a youngling? They are both not present in the movies, and the clones themselves have very little personality there, they are just side characters, until they end up executing Order 66, which is of course devastating. But after watching CW, I completely changed my outlook on it, but more on that later. So, Ahsoka and Rex – admittedly, in the beginning, I didn’t find that much since it’s just mainly classic Star Wars battles and a loose plot that is not absolutely VITAL to the end result but brings so much deeper insight into the clones’ personalities, and ultimately through that to the whole feel.

What I really find devastating about this series is the nagging feeling of doom you inevitably carry with you – you spend so many episodes and seasons watching your favourite characters win numerous battles, you root for them, you cry and laugh with them, you grow so attached to them; but you know how the story ends, you’ve seen Anakin become Vader, again you know about Order 66, you know the Empire rises after all and Palpatine’s plan works – and every time you hear someone say “you’re going to lose this war”, you hope for the opposite, but you know they’re right and there’s nothing to be done – evil wins in the end of this. And as I read somewhere – this is a story that happened a long time ago – it’s over, it has already happened, there is no hope, at least in this series, which I find frankly terrifying. Amazingly done, but still heartbreaking.

Clones, war, and choices

The point about choices and what it means to be a soldier gradually becomes more and more pronounced as the show goes on – one amazing example of this is the Umbara arc where the 501st is led not as usual by Anakin, but by Pong Krell (who later turns out to be a traitor of course). This is one of the darkest moments in the show, as clones are made to kill one another, to sacrifice themselves without reason, and for the first time to face an incompetent, and frankly evil general, and to choose to disobey. This is for me a crucial moment, as the clones have never before chosen to disobey direct orders – they were, after all, made to comply and to follow what their generals tell them to.

"I used to believe that being a good soldier meant doing everything they told you. That's how they engineered us. But we're not droids. We're not programmed. You have to learn to make your own decisions."

But here, we can see the conflict – especially in Rex, as he is the captain and has to face the general and answer for his deeds. He looks him directly in the eye and tells him they are not willing to go on a suicide mission, that they will not follow his orders, after he’s made them fight and kill their brothers unknowingly, and even ordered Fives and Jesse to be executed. However, Rex struggles with killing Krell, when he decides to; he orders him to kneel and points the blaster at his back but is unable to fire the shot. Once again, Star Wars proves that its plot has much deeper nuances and philosophies; for the first time here, we are faced with the harsh truth – the clones are people. We know that, but it somehow gets lost in the movies, as the focus there is on the Jedi’s end, which is just as tragic, of course. But before now, no one has considered what it really means to be a clone. They were made for war, they were made to die, their lives and their deaths were planned. Are the Jedi and the Republic, in that case, really the “good” side? That’s what I, at least, started to reflect on when I reached this point in the series, and it changed my whole outlook on the saga, on everything I have seen thus far. Yes, I still think the Jedi are cool and whatnot – but did they not deserve what happened to them for so blindly exploiting their soldiers? They didn’t know about Order 66 of course, and Palpatine is in no way right – but how come the Jedi are innocent in this? I don’t think they are, at least not fully. They could’ve stopped so much suffering and helped so many more clones, if not for their narrow views, which are all the reason for the clones’ suffering, Ahsoka’s leaving and consequently, Anakin’s betrayal.

"Sometimes in war, it's hard to be the one that survives."

Oh, Cody, Co-dy! The friendship the clones and in this case – Rex and Cody – share is truly precious and very accentuated in this arc especially (here the first arc of the last season) – it is Cody who Rex confides in about not wanting to lose any more brothers, as he knows he is one of the few ones who will understand him fully, what it means to be a soldier, to have to live with the morals of war, to have never known anything but loss. This is what makes Rex dive and slightly recklessly (thank God) search for Echo, proving that he’s alive, saving him from the tortures. They are brothers, and they never leave their own behind. But he is not possessive or jealous, and when he senses Echo’s pull towards Clone Force 99, he is ready to give him the push he needs to join them. He knows his brothers, as I said, and he knows the trials of war, so if Echo will feel even an ounce happier with this squad, he deserves it, after all he’s endured – “If that’s where you feel your place is, then that's where you belong."

Therefore, I love the Skako Minor arc and Echo’s retrieval, not only because it sets up the ground for The Bad Batch (I’m not even going to begin trying to explain what it means to me, as it deserves to have another huge debate on its own), but because it shows Rex’s devotion to his brothers – all of them. Even though he tries to be just a soldier, to live through the deaths, he still cares immensely, and that’s what makes him a good captain. His bravery is unmatched, he is always the one leading his men, and looking out for them, because he knows his men, he stands and fights side by side with them, and he’s ready to die on the battlefield, thus setting the example for everyone.

The philosophy of war is extremely complicated – this is what I enjoyed so much about the series (and the movies of course, politics and war is the main theme), among all other things; the fact that we see war as destroying, as a necessary evil, as a tragedy by itself – but war also created life in this case and its ending brought much more death than any of the battles ever did.

"The mission... the nightmares. They're finally... over."

I’m sorry, but I think I have never witnessed anything as remotely tragic as Fives’ arc – Palpatine told only him the whole truth, fully knowing no one would believe the clone hasn’t lost his mind; but the sacrifice the trooper made ultimately saved so many lives, mostly Rex’s, one of his closest friends. Fives never got to reunite with Echo but losing him made Rex realise how important every brother is to him, and in consequence, he never gave up on any of them (not that he was inclined to do so before of course). In his last sane moment, Rex begged Ahsoka to “find Fives”, and she understood. She knew the clones better than anyone and knew exactly what that meant and never doubted it for a second. Fives saved her life, too.

Fives’ arc is the first time the show begins to become darker and more sombre – it is also the point when we as spectators begin to realize what Order 66 actually means, having seen before only its results; but this time we see its execution, through the eyes of the clones themselves. They are forced to kill all Jedi, after being their most loyal soldiers, and honestly – incredibly loyal friends as well. They can’t control it and it’s not their choice – but that doesn’t mean they don’t realize what they’re doing – Rex said he couldn’t help it; Wrecker said he tried to fight it (The Bad Batch); Bly shot Aayla so many times, so she wouldn’t suffer and her death would be quick; Cody didn’t even check if Obi-Wan was dead; Wolffe didn’t kill Plo Koon. They were people, they were made to do inhumane things, but they found a way, they made a choice, so that they could somehow live with it after.

We get all of this through the clones’ perspective, rather than the Jedi, and it’s just as painful, if not more – we are used to hearing “the army betrayed its generals”, but what happens when we realise, they couldn’t do anything about it? What happens when we see the struggle, when we can almost feel the pain of having to betray? The clones, the most loyal creatures ever created, made for loyalty, have to turn on their generals, on their comrades, on their closest friends.

So, I come back to Ahsoka and Rex. We see them in the very first moment of the show, and they have already formed a bond, which is unlike anything else. They fight side by side the whole war – from the battle of Christophsis to the Siege of Mandalore – and Dave Filoni is truly right when he says this show is about them; but I think also in a broader sense. It is about two creatures who were destined to fight all their lives, who no matter their completely opposite backgrounds, turned out to be the same things – soldiers. Through and through, in their own ways. Their friendship transcends beyond all of this, they have a unique connection, that’s never shaken, even in the direst of moments; even years later, when they meet (in Rebels), you can feel their love for one another, the purest friendship there ever was, somehow ironically created by the ugliness of war and constant fight. Both Rex and Ahsoka suffered losses we cannot imagine – Rex says he tries not to hold on to any of his brothers, and Ahsoka is a Jedi, so it is forbidden for her to form such attachments; but we know. We see it in their eyes, we can hear it when they speak. Rex can never forget Fives’ death and the fact that he died thinking no one believed him; he ran to Skako Minor in an instant even though it might have been a trap, but the chance to save Echo was not one he was going to miss out on this time. And he saved his brother, against all odds. And he saved Ahsoka, as she saved him, time and again. Because that's what brothers do.

“I’m no Jedi” – an interesting phrase for Ahsoka and Rex to have in common, given how different both their roles and backgrounds seem to be, but it is indeed the one they unexpectedly share. Spoken first by Rex here, and then a lot later by Ahsoka in Rebels, it is highly unprovable that it’s on purpose. However, I don’t think anything in Star Wars is done without a reason, so I choose to believe there is some thread connecting them – after all it is Rex and Ahsoka, and that will always matter. What it means for both of them is simultaneously the same, yet different – Rex is the clone closest to the Jedi, there is no doubt about this; he’s used to their ways, he has as equally as strong a moral code, so it is somehow thinly implied that he acts similar to them, despite (or thanks to) being one of the strongest and most respected clone leaders. His closeness to both his general and commander is widely known, so no one seems to pay attention to the fact that he is actually a clone, as he makes his own decisions, and often chooses to fight where a Jedi would opt to step back.

Ahsoka and Anakin

For me Ahsoka became the best character in the whole saga, no ounce of doubt, sorry. She is the embodiment of the Force, she is fierce, loyal, but also incredibly wise for someone her age, and someone who is still learning. On many an occasion, she proves to be more experienced than Anakin (and in my book, experience outranks everything) and I feel like he’s learned as much from her as she did from him – if not more. She is the one keeping him sane and grounded, and I’m a firm believer that had she not left the order, he wouldn’t turn. Ahsoka’s presence brings so many new layers to Anakin’s character, that have not been explored before that and had she stood by him, he wouldn’t be able to become what he became. So, yes – ultimately, I blame the Jedi order for Anakin’s betrayal, I always have, but after watching this series, and seeing it from another point of view, I simply cannot be shaken. They took everything from him and left him alone, which has always been his weakest – he has always been this little child, terrified by the dark, later consumed by it, now unable to fight it anymore. The Jedi made him, and they unmade him too. In my opinion, he shouldn’t have ever been a Jedi in the first place – he is not like Obi-Wan, not like Yoda, not even like Ahsoka (who is not the traditional Jedi either, being trained by him) – he is so powerful and so weak at the same time, and that’s where his dilemma lays – who am I? Which side am I on? He doesn’t know, but no one is there to help him – Ahsoka included, as she (rightfully so!) leaves the order when she sees the truth about it. But she carries that guilt ever since.

She blames herself for leaving Anakin, she blames herself for not fighting alongside him when he needed it; for leaving her friend, her brother. If I were Ahsoka, I would have done the same – she was betrayed by the Jedi, not by Anakin, not ever, but still. He stood with the Order when she needed him by her side. And that is what destroys him too. The loss of his padawan, his most loyal friend is unlike anything else, and for her, leaving this life that’s all she’s ever known, transforms her view on everything. And when she inevitably returns, because that’s where she is supposed to be in order for the prophecy to happen – she must be there, but not by Anakin’s side; she doesn’t fit anywhere else, but she doesn’t fit there anymore either; and she can’t follow him, so she’s sent to Mandalore, again alongside the clones, her brothers, she goes down fighting with Rex. She’s always been his sister more than a Jedi; she didn’t ever belong anywhere else but on a battlefield. She may not be a clone, and she wasn’t meant to be a soldier either; but just like the clones, the war is all she’s ever known, and even though she was meant to be a peacekeeper, peace was something she never knew, especially after Anakin’s turn to the Dark side – even though there is no longer a war, she is forever tormented by the voices she heard in his last moments as her beloved master and the pain she felt when he left.

She knew it was over in that moment – Order 66 is by far the most heartbreaking arc of them all and I can never watch it without then spending weeks thinking about it – it’s genius, really, how Palpatine had this evil plan, dictated the whole war without anyone noticing; and it worked. It worked and changed the whole entire galaxy, and nothing could have prevented it – except maybe Anakin turning; and that is what Ahsoka can’t get over; she feels it is somehow partially her fault that the dark won; if only she hadn’t left, it haunts her forever. She doesn’t know Anakin is Vader, not until she meets him after, so she thinks he’s dead like the rest of the Jedi – and when she finds out what truly happened to him, she passes out (in Rebels; another terrific moment) because the pain is just too strong – the mixture of his known presence in the Force, and his new persona, that is torn from pain and suffering, feelings so intense and unknown to her she can’t understand them. It’s not her master, but it is undeniably Anakin. And he feels abandoned, he feels alone, he is guilty and sad and in constant pain, he is no longer there, not really, but then – he is. And the memory of what he once was, what he promised, everything he taught his padawan brings such pain for Ahsoka.

She may not think she is truly a Jedi, yet she is for me the only one of them I came to respect – she is never hypocritical, doesn’t leave anyone behind, not ever, and she fights for good, always for what she deems right, never feeling like she has to change for others, but in the end always blaming herself for their fate. She could never forgive herself for what happened to Anakin, and she can never forget her brothers, the clones, she suffers and grieves for every one of them, she knows their names, they were her whole world. And the only thing she had left, because they never judged and never tried to change her, they simply stood by her. Even when they had orders to kill her.

Rex and Order 66

Ahsoka’s master was gone from that moment on, and all she had left was Rex. The other main character, and I accept no objections to that statement. Rex is... the best one ever. He is, without any doubt, my favourite from this series. Putting aside my Ahsoka obsession, I didn’t expect to grow as attached to him as I did. Then again, I can’t separate them – for me, they are a team, the best one, and I don’t think I would have liked them as much had they not been the amazing pair they are. The connection between Rex and Ahsoka is what makes this series so different and so much better than the movies for me. It shows a level of true depth and caring that we haven’t really seen before – the type of platonic trust that few people find in their real lives. If I get to have just one friend that is as loyal, I don’t think I’d need anything more. Their story is so real, so touching and beautiful and sad – I think it is not only the best one in the series, but in the whole saga, and in any storyworld, really, for me personally. They meet a kid and a soldier, but they leave the war (or maybe the war leaves them) as equals, friends bound by experiences so unique and traumatic that they can never forget them, their bond can never be destroyed. They are soulmates, and they are forever. I don’t make the rules, sorry.

"Well, I've known no other way. Gives us clones all a mixed feeling about the war. Many people wish it had never happened, but without it, we wouldn't exist.”

Rex says this to Ahsoka moments before he is forced to execute Order 66 and it makes me shudder every time I hear it. Knowing what follows, knowing that the clones that have been created for war, are humans with so much more nuanced feelings that they let themselves express, that they fear the war ending as much as others might feel a war beginning is incredibly twisted. They are not machines, they are much more than that, they have feelings, and they have morals, and they are afraid. Rex has never doubted his loyalty to his commanders, and never gave any reason to be doubted – never hesitated, never showed anything less than immense courage and skill. But now he stands before the only person he’s never been able to deceive, and he voices for the first time what probably has been torturing him for a while – the knowledge that he is expendable, that his life might be over, and that this might be what he’s always fought for – the end of himself and his brothers. Victory and death, indeed.

Viewers have witnessed many a clone death, and these last episodes are the culmination of it all – from that point on, every favourite character is in danger. Of themselves. One thing that the series does marvellously is bring personality to so many seemingly identical characters – in the movies we never get any detail about their lives, their characteristics, even their looks – but now I could recognize Fives from Echo in a second; they might have the same features and the same voice, but they are not the same. They are brothers, forged by the same essence, they share the same blood and the same heart, but they are individuals with thoughts and passions so diverse it’s impossible not to notice, not to adore.

Rex is Ahsoka’s best friend, as she reassures him moments before everything went to hell. He is the man who stood and fought by her side, and who watched her grow up. Who, when faced with the order to kill her, removes and drops his helmet in a desperate try to fight Order 66 (perhaps unconsciously, as he is being mind-controlled), and so she could see his eyes, see his tears, his struggle, his shaking, and know that he had no choice, know that on some level, he is asking for help for the first time ever, the soldier he is – he removes his helmet so he could look her in the eyes, his best friend, his sister, his commander; and she knows.

She’d ran to him, when sensing there was something wrong – of course, Ahsoka would run to Rex, because he’s Rex, he’ll know exactly what to say and what to do, and maybe he could contact somebody who can fix this; this can’t be real, the war is almost over; she’s still a child after all, she can’t face this now, not alone, not without Rex. She’s never had to face anything without Rex, it’s just unimaginable – but she runs to him and in his eyes she sees someone who is not Rex at all, and suddenly all the men she trusted with her life more times than she can count, are not the men she knows, and they want to hurt her, and Rex wants to hurt her, even though it makes him suffer. She sees his tears; she feels in him what she never believed she would.

The parallels in their relationship are just amazing – one of their first interactions is when Rex says to her “good luck, kid” on their first ever mission together – and it shows just how much he already cares for her, how he understands that beneath all her witty remarks and wish to prove herself to her new master (and his soldiers!), she is still a kid thrown on a battlefield – an unnatural atmosphere for anyone, but especially for a young child with no experience whatsoever. From then on, they just keep getting closer and their friendship grows stronger until it reaches a point where they can understand each other without even speaking.

“Yeah, kid, I’m okay”, Rex says, moments after Ahsoka has removed his inhibitor chip and essentially saved both their lives, all while putting herself at a great risk, just because she cares and she can’t do this on her own. In this moment, in his eyes, she is again the kid he first saw, scared about her friend, trying to prove that she can do it all on her own – this parallel is so important to me; she has never been in such a situation alone before, because she’s always had Rex, and now she’d almost lost him, after just reuniting with him; when for a split second there was something in his eyes that she’d never seen before, the only thing that saved her was Anakin and Rex’s training (shown in Tales of the Jedi). Anakin taught her how to fight enemies much stronger than herself, her brothers taught her how to defend herself, not knowing that she’d ever have to, especially not against them. It’s truly heartbreaking.

“Ahsoka, it’s all of us” – just seconds after she has saved him, Rex looks her in the eyes and apologizes for almost doing the undoable, for almost killing her, for being okay when she almost wasn’t. How would he ever live with himself, knowing that he betrayed his best friend? The animation has developed so much by this point, that in this last episode, it’s almost like watching real people acting, at least that’s how I’ve always felt; it feels real, the emotion is just so intense and so palpable – especially with this being the first time Rex says her name. She is his friend, she is the only one who cared enough to save him, thus saving herself, proving again and again her loyalty, the thing they have most in common. They understand each other like no one else can, they have been through everything together, and now, in these crucial moments, they have both proven it – she never gave up on him, she trusted him enough to save him, and in return, he is ready to follow her anywhere and die protecting her. From his own men. Barely awake, he’d reached for his blasters, shooting his own brothers to protect her, not even fully conscious yet. They are equal, they have become one through the Force, and if it wasn’t clear before, it is now – they are sticking together to the very end, no matter what they must do, no matter how. They are forever. Loyalty means everything to the clones.

This and what follows on the bridge of the ship as it’s coming down, are my favourite scenes from the series.

“I hate to tell you this, but they don’t care! This ship is going down, and those soldiers, my brothers are willing to die and take you and me along with them!”

Even though it’s animated, even though you can’t see his face, and the only thing is his desperate voice, you can feel the devastation when Rex utters these words, touching his chest, as he says “brothers” – he has always cared for them, his family, and has mourned every single loss, but now, when there is no other choice, he knows protecting Ahsoka is the most important thing there is – the mind-controlled clones can’t tell apart their own from a traitor, so what’s the point?

There is always a right choice – and Ahsoka proves it, when she gently removes his helmet, only to show what everyone but also no one suspected – Rex is crying, he is afraid and in pain, and she is the only thing he cares about. He’s lost so much; he can’t lose her too. But she always has a plan, and she is probably the only one who cares about the clones as much as him; they don’t need to explain themselves; she doesn’t want to be the one who is responsible for so much death; there’s been too much already. They have lived a life of war, facing death and loss every single day, and enough is enough. She wants to live, but not at the cost of murder. There is no doubt in her voice when she says that.

Burying brothers

What follows is truly devastating to watch – Rex facing his brothers, as a traitor in their eyes, as some of them stand before him, still wearing their helmets with Ahsoka’s Togruta design on them, the colours of the 501st closely resembling her lekku. They’d painted their armour as soon as they knew Ahsoka was coming back to them and they were getting their commander, and little sister back, their best friend, the only one who cares enough to remember all their names, who never turned her back on them, even now, when they are against her, she still tries to save as many of them as possible; she’s been the one whose hand they’ve reached to when dying, their last memory on this world her face, her bright eyes, full of life and care, her presence calming them in the face of the inevitable, as she will have to do now as fell, at the very end.

How must it feel to lose everything you’ve fought and hoped for, in a span of hours? Palpatine’s plan is truly ingenious. The war might have ended, but only on the outside; a much larger, much more painful fight has begun, inside, for Rex and Ahsoka, who now have to navigate a life they haven’t ever considered; they may have wondered what life after the war might be like, but not like this, never like this; not as heroes, not even as fighters – as traitors in the eyes of their most beloved brothers and the new control of the Empire. But they choose to fight until the end, crashing down, falling with the cruiser together, hand in hand; the parallel of them hanging on to each other in the hanger is precisely mirroring the moment of Anakin and Obi-Wan trying to push each other away during their legendary fight on Mustafar, which is happening at the exact same time. But these two don’t let go, they simply cannot face losing each other, not now, not after all of this. They’ve fought for years, so many battles, losing track of what the fights are about – but this last one is clear; they are fighting for each other. And when they are the only survivors, they take to bury their brothers, and grieve the colossal loss side by side, silently watching, because there aren’t words to describe what they feel, and it’s not necessary, so they don’t speak. They know.

"I don’t want to bury any more of our brothers."

The devastation and sheer exasperation we hear in Rex’s voice when he says this much later, in The Bad Batch, when talking about the inhibitor chips nonetheless, is all we’ll ever need to know about him. Laying low after the end of the war, separating from Ahsoka, believed to be dead; in fact – being dead to the world in every sense, this is the choice he makes. He’s witnessed almost all his closest friends dying, he’s lost his general, he doesn’t have a purpose and a goal anymore; he has to deal with the realization that the war is over, but it ended at way too high a price, and he’s a soldier – he will fight every day, until the end, because it’s all he knows. He’s the most loyal soldier, survived Order 66 at the highest price there could ever be, and he can’t lose more. He wants to keep fighting, and he will, but not to lose. Rex doesn’t want to feel this awful feeling of loss, not ever again.

The same goes for Ahsoka – even though she quits the order and never officially finishes her training, the Jedi life is the only one she’s ever known, so her path even after leaving, after the war ends, and after she separates from Rex, is one lead by the code to a large extent, even if done so unconsciously. She claims to not be a Jedi when she faces her master as Vader in Rebels, wanting to avenge him; but she doesn’t end up doing it, she can’t possibly kill Anakin. So, she goes on, living in this middle ground – she is not truly a Jedi, but what else could she be? She has led her troops in many battles, fought by their side; even when they didn’t have to, they still called her commander, as loyal to her as ever; recognizing that she stood by them, even held them as they died.

When The Resolute crashes after Order 66, we are aware that her and Rex took every single one of their fallen brothers, buried them, and displayed their helmets, putting Jesse at the very front, the one who’d wanted to kill them the most at the end. But they know better, it was not him, not after literal moments before that he almost went insane from Maul’s questioning because he didn’t want to betray Ahsoka; he deserved a recognition, even in death. Every single one of them did, and Rex and Ahsoka gave it to them. She lets go now of her lightsaber, the Jedi weapon that bears her identity, and lays it to rest next to the fallen soldiers, because she doesn’t want to have any more connections to this war, there’s been enough fighting. She dies here too – for what it’s worth, she fell with the clones. I can’t imagine how traumatising and terrible it felt, pulling body after body out of the debris. For both of them.

Brother after brother.

***

No matter what I say, or how much I write, I don’t think I will ever be able to express properly what this world and this series in particular mean to me. Of course I love all things Star Wars, but The Clone Wars will always hold a very special and exceptional place among them. It is a unique feeling, one I cannot put a word on, it feels too big for me, as if there is some kind of a boundary that is at the verge of explosion, it’s holding so much emotion, and there isn’t enough space for it inside. Perhaps it’s the depth and the exploration of the clones, their relationships, the empathy their lives evoke – creatures bred for war, individuals barely recognized in life. But still human, as Rex and Ahsoka remind us of the entire time – especially when we see them watching the arranged helmets of their dead brothers – the clones have not been just pawns, they are people; people who died for a cause they couldn’t have any say in. Their lives were not their own; but Ahsoka’s life wasn’t her own either. This is the tragedy of The Clone Wars, but there’s also an ironic beauty about it – Ahsoka wouldn’t have had her master or her best friend, if it wasn’t for the war. It’s a story about the philosophy of choice, hope, good and evil of course, friendship and loyalty. Victory and its highest cost, death; the consequences after a life spent fighting, which no one usually thinks about.

When the final shot rolls and we see Vader’s ominous figure step on to the same place where Ahsoka and Rex were last, as he digs his apprentice’s lightsaber and holds it, we realize what the moral of the story is. We see Anakin’s eyes behind Vader’s mask, and we feel the cold he feels – he ended up alone after all, after all his trying, he had an army, he led troopers, he cared for an apprentice, but he lost them all. He won the war, but he would rather have died with his friends – who he doesn’t know are still alive, and they don’t know what happened to him either; instead of being their enemy. But the time for choosing is over, and there is no going back for him now.

His reflection hits the clone helmet, and we see the image of Anakin, walking away from Ahsoka and Rex.

It doesn’t end with the war; it begins with it.

#captain rex #star wars the clone wars #clone wars #the clone wars #commander wolffe #the bad batch #star wars #crosshair #sw tcw #tcw #star wars tcw #tcw rex #ahsoka tano #star wars ahsoka #ahsoka critical #anakin and ahsoka #rex and ahsoka #commander cody #arc trooper fives #fives #tcw fives #tbb echo #arc trooper echo #bad batch echo #clone trooper echo #anakin skywalker #star wars anakin #sw anakin #obi wan kenobi #tbb

[persefoneshalott]

I watched hbo oz on my first year of college and my english wasn't super good so I only caught like half of what they were saying in the beginning bc of the accents, slang etc but my brain was rewired forever < 3

#I have rewatched it so many times after understanding the whole thing #hbo oz #I rewatched the prison riot episode recently bc it's one of my favorites #it's SUCH a good show. hard to watch at times obviously. but so so good #I think I'm a minority in that I don't like keller x beecher I want keller to stay away much in the same way I want hannibal to stay away #from will graham #but it's amazing regardless. makes me feel so much emotionss

[the-cooler-king]

Oh yeah..... midnight gospel be hitting.... sitting in my bed fuckin. Crying. Get a grip girl

#Its the trudy ep which is actually the episode that made me keep watching #I love love love this episode..... #Something about how.......... idk.... its a very profound ep that I can't explain and it's a nice cry #This ep kind of shaped my outlook on life especially after finding out about my friend dying #All the regrets and things left unsaid.... I make my peace daily by being really straight up #If I love and care about ppl I tell them... I say they are appreciated and cared for man #I am always thankful for people and I *love* people as a whole #And as long as the people around me intrinsically know that they are loved and cared for and cherished.... like that's it #That's the end game truly #I will never ever be sorry for that. This was THEEEE episode. #There's a lot of nuance behind my feelings best described by revolutionary girl utena #But still. I'm deep enough in my tags bc I'm crying over my s/o but not in a bad way #Fml I am so grateful to him as just an entity. As a person in my life even if our lives only intersect for this brief period of time #He hasn't been texting me much and we didn't talk much at work and I didn't even get a goodbye (rude lol) #But I know he was having a rough day. I know he needs a bit of tlc. #He could be on a downswing because I am certainly on an upswing #So I'm kind of like trying to focus on doing my own thing rn without worrying about it #Because I can't do anything about it so I might as well continue My Thang #But as I sometimes come to terms with us never talking again (gotta be prepared at all times to be ghosted) #I also come back to terms with needing him to really understand #how many people in his life depend on love cherish and admire him #And im not just talking about me... he has a lot of siblings and a not great mom. Two kids he loves. #He has always taken care of everyone else in his life #He deserves to really know and idk. It makes me think of this moment. #Realizing how much I dont ever want to question if he knows #I don't want to question if I could've done more or tried harder etc. I did my very best and didn't lie cheat steal or whatever #I am so grateful to him for letting me have that. Even if nothing can come from it in the end #Even if we should be torn apart!!!! Take my revolution!!! #Anyways. Here's wonderwall #Banger of an episode. Worth the rewatch

[psychronia]

I've been rewatching Avatar: The Last Airbender because why not and I'm losing my mind at Zuko's proper introduction. I don't know if it's hindsight, shifting characterizations, or just me not watching this in a long time, but this was amazing.

We start off showing he's an impatient and very angry kid. Reasonable, and the sort of flaw we might expect to see in a villain. Kinda funny that he expects to go up against an adult and fully 4-Element realized Avatar, but the kid is desperate and Iroh clearly expects his nephew to get the banishment-denial kicked out of him.

What's important here, though, is Zuko's introduction to the Southern Water Tribe.

Here, we have a very intimidating entrance where his entire ship just sails through the ice right up to the village's front door. It's quite ominous and this is our first proper introduction to how the Fire Nation interacts with a foreign people.

Sokka charges, I'm assuming fully prepared to die, and Zuko casually knocks him out of the way. Okay, so clearly the Water Tribe are entirely outgunned.

He asks "Where are you hiding him?" and the people of the Water Tribe go silent. I assume they're either just too scared to talk or actually protecting Aang.

Whatever the case, it's important to note that the Southern Water Tribe know the terror the Fire Nation can inflict. We have a whole episode dedicated to tracking down a division of raiders. Sokka was able to not only identify the ash-mixed snow as signs of an incoming attack, but estimate how many ships the amount of ash measures to. These are a people who have experience being terrorized and are probably expecting something terrible to happen.

And then, after they don't answer, Zuko grabs Gran-Gran. There was a horror sting to it, and everything the tribe knows about the Fire Nation suggests that Zuko is about to threaten or straight up hurt her to get answers. Classic "terrorize the elderly" bad guy stuff.

And then...

He goes "He's (the Avatar) be about this age and is a master of all four elements!?" and lets her go.

And all of a sudden, the tension that was built up is shattered as Zuko went "I know, I'll give them a reference for the person I'm looking for because clearly they're confused and I wasn't specific enough."

This went from a show of villainy to a show of Zuko being totally socially awkward and misreading the situation entirely. Not helping is that when he does try to menace them a moment later, his fire is slow and angled quite safely.

It still worked on the Water Tribe because they're understandably scared, but all I could think of is that this was the equivalent of a playground bully trying to make someone flinch with that fake-out lunge thing.

Because the fact-and something we'll come to learn-is that Zuko is TERRIBLE at being a Fire Nation oppressor. He's capable of doing morally dubious things and is a competent fighter. But he's lousy at terrorizing people and cruelty-that's kind of the point of his banishment.

And while we can see the story paint this picture of Zuko's true character as the story goes on with hints of good and conflicting loyalties, here we get to see just how bad he is at being "the bad guys".

#avatar the last airbender #atla #you're not an imperialistic conqueror you're a BABY #a BABY BEAN #diffused tension #bad at being bad #can you imagine how horrible this would have played out if Azula was the one that came? #psychronia

[the-nysh]

Rewatching Trigun's 98anime (subs this time, being used to the eng dub) since I was curious to note the characters' shifting pronoun usage.

For reference, Stampede Vash always uses the softer, more humble, modest, boyish 'boku' - as expected (like Trimax Vash), even after his glow up in ep12, he still regards himself the same way. While Knives (Nai) exclusively uses the harder, more assertive, masculine 'ore'...ever since he was a little baby, which immediately differentiates them apart, but is...extremely (lmao) edgy of him.

But in the 98anime? Oh my god, it's all flipped around and completely different! Which quite interestingly reveals a lot of contextual nuances to many characters, and quite frankly rewatching in Japanese trying to catch all these things only thoroughly kicked my ass throwing in so many difficult-to-understand, unexpected curveballs; I'm both shook and humbled by what I've heard!

Because 98 Knives refers to himself as 'boku' O____O;; even during his most 'villainous' lines yelling at Vash too. Him having that casual but 'polite' poised dissonance in his voice comes off extremely unnerving;;; when he speaks of horrible things thru such an 'innocent' self-perception like that. (Even Legato uses 'boku' like him! Same in Stampede.) Damn I'm disturbed. He and Vash notably both used 'boku' when they were kids, but Knives in particular never really stopped saying that from their childhoods, so that says a lot about him. (His "did you just shoot me [boku]!?" comes off very uncannily childlike. No wonder Vash freaked out in guilt.)

But 98 Vash? Whoa, he requires a whole damn essay flips around ALL the time, interchangeably using BOTH! :O Often switching pronouns between 'ore' & 'boku' within the same episode, or even as quickly as every other sentence, even towards the same person. Depending on the immediate context/topic of what he's saying and the emphasis on how he's saying it. Via all his posturing, which 'persona' he switches into, his familiarity/humbleness/honesty/trust--even hostility towards certain people, and his mood's silly vs seriousness levels. Often reflective of how determined/confrontational/casual he is vs being walled off (masking) to openly repentant, lost or distressed too - but not always! It's Extremely inconsistent fascinating but confusing!!! Because there's no....fixed 'rules' to his usage. For ex he'll often use 'ore' casually within his own internal monologues to his more bombastic public self-introductions, or even when he's at his most serious in private moments about grave matters, like settling his past during his scar scene with Meryl. Even Eriks!Vash still uses 'ore' when confessing his guilt to Wolfwood about the Fifth Moon! So there feels to be a general preference for using 'ore' when he (internally and externally, both in casual and serious contexts) needs to show his 'determination' - aka being the man (the ideal 'Vash'?) he wants to become.

But then he'll flip around using 'boku' for some of his most exasperatingly fake ✨playful✨ bits when he's kidding and messing around in mock courtesy (bonus: he even uses 'watashi' as a joke for his ridiculously long 'formal' name introduction to Wolfwood).....AND 'boku' will be used for his most sincere humble (polite) conversations back with family members he knows at Home, and when he connects back to his childhood with Rem in his dreams. The Diablo ep is a good example: he uses 'ore' throughout the ep until he reverts to 'boku' after speaking to Rem deciding not to kill, and that humbling shift, like to that of a lost younger boy, makes so much sense. The shift happens again when Eriks!Vash thinks about Rem feeling just as lost: "what should I [boku] do?" And after the tragic incident at Home when he's depressed and masking himself behind his glasses, while quietly reflecting to Wolfwood with a reproachful, "Everyone who touches me [boku] dies." ...Before immediately changing back to 'ore' in the next sentence firming his resolve to face Knives.

But in general it really depends and you have to listen hard (pay close attention) to hear how much contextual teasing, sincerity, irony, genuine respect, or...humbling self-reproach and self-depreciation he uses. Indicative towards how much (or how poorly) he internally regards himself and how he externally presents himself to others, because it changes. All the time. His personal pronouns aren't fixed! ...Basically, I'm just as confused as Meryl (and it really makes narrative sense why she's so confused by him), not knowing which 'persona' is the real him! x'D

...Oh but a really good moment, in ep24 when Meryl pleads at him to be honest with her for once about all the tragedies, he uses 'boku' explaining everything to her about Knives. That's....really good. :O Like umm...him using 'ore' before with her (in the scar scene) kind of erected a subtle barrier when he refused to elaborate further, but using 'boku' so sincerely for her request.....like it..extends her the same humble level of courtesy/trust he'd use towards the 'family' he loves back at Home (+Rem)....but it's so loaded, cause he's being honest but still...distant telling her why he's better off alone. :')) Man...(the aaangst) Oooooh, but then ep25 is very telling too, cause he's mentally lost for the whole ep, always using 'boku' so anguished and self-deprecatingly....until Meryl saves him and he gives her his softest genuine 'boku' yet, after he recovers back to himself donning the red coat again, thanking and assuring her he'll be alright. :'D (Hooray~) Before internally switching back to 'ore' on his final quest setting out alone for Knives. Ep26: he still keeps that distinct assertive 'ore' in front of Knives "I [ore] will survive!" and 'boku' for Rem: "I [boku] will continue to believe in you, but will look to my own [jibun] words for guidance." :')) (Bonus: 'jibun' is added when he philosophically thinks in terms of 'oneself'/'myself' from now on.)

Bonus nuance: while younger Vash may have dependently followed Knives' lead around--back when they both used 'boku' together, older (current) Vash--using 'ore' with him, feels like he's grown to assume the role as the more independent, responsible older brother now, when he finally understands how to put Rem's last words to 'take care of Knives' into practice. :'))

So tl;dr: Vash tends to have a casual leaning preference for using 'ore' in most situations both private and public, but especially for whenever he asserts his determination involving Knives with a confrontational edge. 'Boku' is used exclusively (politely, with genuine deference & care) towards extended family members he loves (like Rem, Brad, Doc, and eventually.....Meryl; using the softest 'boku' towards her I've ever heard. ;.;) And for whenever he humbles himself in distress, feeling lost in turmoil or self-reproach. But it's not set in stone! Since both pronouns can be used sincerely or ironically in jest, for whenever he's feeling silly or playing a bit (donning a mask), easily switching depending on presentation or context too. 98 Vash simply does what he wants! While Meryl screams in confused exasperation!

As for 98 Meryl, she often uses the book-standard, more formal/professional 'watashi' when introducing herself (Stampede Meryl too), and her speech patterns are typically very polite and pleasant to listen to (with many lovely 'desu-wa' sentence finishers.) ...Until she changes to the informal, more feminine 'atashi.' Ex: when screaming at Milly to let her go (to Vash) as the city blew up during the Fifth Moon incident. The raw sincerity in her voice for that change is so...🥺 of her. Note, cause most other girls - from Rem, Milly, younger kids like Lina, to older (but youthful) grandma characters all informally use 'atashi.' So for Meryl to drop her usual formalities when her honest feelings come out ("I [atashi] need to go there!" - to the epicenter where Vash is) means a lot. :')) ...Ah! Cause she slips to 'atashi' again in ep25, in front of Vash (while he uses 'boku' at his most mentally lost and openly wounded state) at his bedside. o///o Oh my... Using 'atashi' again while crying to Milly in regret that she couldn't confess anything yet to Vash on his sendoff. So yes, Meryl's feminine 'atashi' side shows whenever she expresses her honest feelings. :'3

Now 98 Wolfwood is a special case, cause he speaks primarily in Kansai dialect, which is extremely hard for me to understand what he's saying in modified/shortened slang all the time. (Compared to say, Meryl who speaks very cleanly and polite.) I've heard him use 'ore' when offering kids food, the more rural/casual form 'oira' when confessing his turmoil to Milly at his most vulnerable, 'uchi' when talking about 'our orphanage,' 'washi' (the 'old man' form of watashi) when speaking in more formal/aged terms of 'God', to the slang form 'wai' (he casually prefers this one a lot, and Stampede Wolfwood uses 'wai' too, esp when introducing himself to new people, for most of the few eps he's even in, and it makes him sound like...way older than he actually is?) to even 'jibun' when talking about himself with distance in flashbacks. The impression he gives off is like that of someone who's come from a rural/street kid (orphan) background...but who speaks like a chill elder now?? who's aged far too soon for his years. That's my best interpretation of what's happening. (His slang 'wai' even slurs to sound like 'oira,' almost like 'wai-ra' sometimes; gah it's really hard for me to discern, I'm sorry.) Bonus: he teasingly calls Milly 'my honey' in english, while she playfully answers him back with the pronounced 'a-na-ta' (dear), so they def have an inside thing going on. Bottom line, he's very complicated *bangs head on desk* and his accent is too unfamiliar/beyond my meager course level to fully grasp! :'D

To sum up (to the best of my hearing comprehension):

Stampede Vash: always boku, modest and unassuming towards everyone 98 Vash: BOTH ore & boku; not fixed. Casual preference for ore vs more humble courtesy using boku, but it's extremely context/mood/persona dependent, since he can mask & switch for jokes. Has a serious confrontational/determined edge using ore vs Knives--as if Vash becomes the older brother here, but always reserves the softer boku towards Rem and the found family he loves Stampede Knives: always ore, ever since he was a baby; so much edge 98 Knives: boku, coming off unnervingly childlike vs Vash's ore Meryl (both): watashi, but changes to atashi (98) when her honest feelings towards Vash show Wolfwood (both, Kansai dialect): primarily wai, but can use many other forms Legato (both): boku Roberto: ore Milly: atashi, but can mask using watashi when she's not fine Rem: atashi (98) & watashi (Stampede) Stampede Luida: watashi, but atashi when casual with teen Vash Brad (both): ore Dr. Conrad: watashi Stampede Elendira: watashi Stampede Zazie: boku

Now besides the animes, since Trimax is a whole other overwhelming complicated beast, and since I don't have access to check (nor would I even be able to easily read/understand) the Japanese raws, I'd be VERY interested in someone's investigation and breakdown into the manga's pronouns, especially for Trimax Vash, since I've heard that beyond 'boku,' he shifts and evolves throughout his journey too, possibly ending on a very soft wizened, matured 'watashi' that I'd love to hear more!

#trigun #commentary #meta #long text post #me thinking this would be a fun and interesting rewatch activity #*gets Immediately Pulverized by unexpected curveballs and difficulty* #ohhhhhhh my college courses in japanese aren't strong enough for this #that i know i could not survive trimax's raws; i'd be destroyed instantly

[m1ssunderstanding]

Understanding Lennon McCartney Rewatch Part 1.3

Okay can anyone explain the “false hotel registration” thing to me? Does it mean they registered under a false name? So Paul registered under a false name so he could go fuck a girl in his room without getting in trouble with the press? I'm confused. Didn't they bring girls to their rooms all the time without getting in trouble? It doesn't make sense. Why did he feel the need to register under a different name?

Paul, talking about American conservatism, “So many organizations over here that are nuts anyway.” John, “Yeah, they're so far right they just–” tape ends. They really were brave, though. To say what they thought and risk losing what they'd only just got. I wonder who cut the recording. 

Journalist: Paul, are you planning to marry Jane Asher? John: scream ‘no.’ Go on. Lol John certainly says what he feels doesn't he?

Paul making fun of the racist question. Good job bud. 

The whole “Yesterday” thing is crazy. Like, what a feat, first of all. I think we forget how unbelievably successful the song was.

Second of all, I know John's reaction was childish and mean, but his feelings were valid if you just look at the treatment and reception of “Ticket to Ride”  (John's dead mum song). Like objectively yesterday is a better song, but still.

Oh, John. Poor thing. 

If “Girl” is secretly about Paul . . . yeesh. It's so obsessive and adoring and simultaneously so disappointed and disparaging. John always has such impossible standards for Paul. “She promises the earth to me and I believe her, after all this time I don't know why.” Um… maybe because he literally did give you the world? At so many points I find myself asking, “what more could Paul possibly have given John?”

People always take this quote as a sexuality thing, but couldn't it also be a conscience thing? Revulsion at taking advantage of the fact that all these women are fans? At the scale of his infidelity? I don't know, am I giving him too much credit?

The thing about Paul, John – and though it drives you insane, it's a big factor in why you love him -- is he's not going to be bullied into anything. If he decides to take LSD it's going to be on his own terms. And I know you think it'll bring you two closer, and you're right, but peer pressure just doesn't work on him. There's no point. You know that.

I LOVE Paul and the Indica. Designing the wrapping paper in secret up in his little attic room, covering over the shop windows so he can do his handyman work building shelves and painting in peace. It's Linda's Paul pre Linda, you know?

John is so good at PR as in making something sound as beautiful and important and powerful as possible. Which is something Paul absolutely relied on John to do and clearly could not do on his own after the break up. Look how John makes them almost into prophets here.

"I really wanted to live in London but I wouldn't risk it." Another thing to make John envious of Paul and resentful of Cynthia. I really wish those two had just never got married. 

“I don't object to people having a lot of money, I never did. But I do object to people being stony broke and starving.” RIP John, you would've loved the American “left” of today. But you can't have the former without the latter, sorry.

This picture always gets me. It's ridiculous. Pattie and George. Mo and Ringo. John and Paul. With Cynthia awkwardly by herself. It's funny. It's adorable. It's crushing. And with that quote? It's impossible.

I think Tara Browne is overlooked. Paul brought him home for Christmas. That's a big deal. And John hated him enough to laugh when he read about his death. That's also a big deal. Paul and his messed up social climbing obsession. I do think it's worth pointing out, though, the difference between Paul’s LSD trip with Tara and his trip with John. More on that later.

I really do think they were all staunchly anti-racist for their time, you know, besides John's racist jokes and drawings… but Paul particularly. And I have to wonder where that came from. Did he have empathy for people being judged on appearance and background? Was it partially due to his idolization of black artists? Did Little Richard maybe say something to him about racism in America? Anyone have any thoughts?

Actually, same, John. 

Okay and I have to share my hot take on the whole Jesus scandal. It's this: the American right doesn't actually care about Jesus. They care about protecting their hegemony. They didn't like that the Beatles were openly and stubbornly integrationist. They didn't like Paul's comment about their inhumane racism. But they couldn't openly counter that without showing their hand. So they used the Jesus comment as an excuse. If they play the religious persecution card, they get to paint themselves as the victims and therefore the good guys while they take down anyone who challenges the status quo that keeps them in money and power (aka the Beatles). 

Maybe I should've had a “poor baby” tally because the number of times I've said that about John in these comments has got to be tally-worthy. I would've driven around in a gorilla suit with you, honey!

It is actually amazing that there hasn't been more speculation on Paul's sexuality with all these serious boyfriends. 

Paul tells a story about a time he flew a plane, and how much better he liked it than being a passenger. First off. Imagine being a pilot and just being like “oh, you've never touched a joystick in your life, but you're Paul McCartney? Sure, go ahead. Fly the plane.” But also. His control issues and his confidence are both off unreal. No one in their right mind would feel more safe flying a plane – as someone with a complete lack of experience – than when a licensed pilot is flying it. 

Okay I literally JUST learned that Here There and Everywhere says, “how good it can be” not could. Can. And it's one of those in my "for sure this was about John" folder. Okay then. Wow.

The thing is they really did compliment each other's songs a lot more than modern Paul makes it seem like. So I wonder what it was about the “Here There and Everywhere” compliment that made it so special to Paul?

This footage where John is hiding behind McCharmley. I love protective Paul and how different he is to protective John and how much they needed each other. 

Hall of Fame quote: “what composer do you respect the most?” “I dunno really. John Lennon.” “Paul McCartney.”

#Sorry this one got pretty political hopefully everyone survived #paul mccartney #the beatles #john lennon #mclennon #ringo starr #george harrison #understanding lennon mccartney #ulm

[alessiathepirate]

Until Dawn

A SMALL JOY: Josh Washington x fem!reader

Summary: Taking Dr Hill's advice, Josh and his lover go up to the lodge and look through all the things his sisters had left behind - after an interesting find she does her best to take his mind off the sadness he's experiencing.

Notes: English isn't my first language. I apologize for any mistake I may have made while I wrote this short story.

To be honest, Until Dawn is still one of my favourite horror games. Thanks to the game I found my favourite YouTube channel, my English improved a lot because I wanted to understand every word, and I have a huge crush on Rami Malek to this very day. Me and my friends were obsessed with him the time the game came out, and soon started to watch more of his work together.

Josh Washington was one of my first fictional crushes, I could defend him for years without getting tired and I drew him so many times I actually learned how to draw portraits correctly.

There's a gameplay I like to rewatch every year, because of the great memories I have connected to it. I always fall in love with Josh Washington once again - and thanks to that tradition, I started to write for him as well.

Warnings: a bit of swearing, mentioned depression and loss, mentioning the Washington sisters' disappearance and/or death

•••

° "(...) We would come up in the summer and we would have the best time. The whole family was there - mom, dad, my sisters. It was some serious competition out there on the big lawn... I don't know. Can't go back. New reality." °

She listens carefully, noticing every little pitch or drop in Josh's voice as he speaks - and as he puts down the baseball bat all she can think about is grabbing him and pulling him into a hug, a tight one, the kind that is both loving and comforting. She watches him, she examines his every little move and her heart aches every single time she finds a new sign of sadness.

She hates it.

She hates that look on his face. She hates that change in his voice. She hates that he feels alone. She hates that the whole case is making him go crazy. She hates that nothing is certain and he can't even grieve.

She hates that he had to change so much; that he had to become this depressed because of some stupid, messed up prank their friends had decided to pull on his sister.

He didn't deserve any of it. He doesn't deserve any of it. None of the Washington kids do.

Coming up here was already hard - back to the mountain where Hannah and Beth disappeared, where they played around like stupid teenagers do. Dr Hill said it's for the best - Josh needs some closure, some proof that he needs to slowly start to move on. She thinks it's bullshit - Josh thinks so too. It won't be easy to put yourself through something like this.

But regardless, they came. They are here now, looking through the rooms, the basement...

The memories are hurting her - and if she as a friend is hurting this badly than Josh must suffer a lot.

"Teach me." the words suddenly burst out before she can stop them, wanting to make Josh concentrate on something else - not wanting him to get lost in his own mind.

"What?" the question is loud in the basement.

"Teach me how to play." she continues on, feeling unsure like she tries to cross a very thin and sensitive line. "I've never played baseball before."

"It's been a while since I did so." Josh starts to explain, his gaze falling on the bat he put down. "You really- want to?"

She steps closer to him slowly, carefully, as if she tries to get close to a very scared and wounded animal. She touches his arm, her fingers hold him as her thumb brushes along his skin in an up and down motion. She leans towards him, her face touching his shoulder as she presses a kiss to the area what isn't covered by his t-shirt.

"You don't have to if you don't want to." she whispers. "I know it's not-" she holds that thought and says something else instead: "I just haven't seen you play yet and I want to join in."

Josh looks at her over his shoulder, he looks at her as she tries to smile even if her eyes stay sad. He watches her like she's the only thing he has left, like she's the only person who matters anymore. He looks at her and feels something break inside, realizing that she really is the only one who he has.

"All right." he says and when he sees her eyes change a tiny bit - showing a bit of happiness - he feels his heart flutter. It makes him feel better, it makes him want to touch her too, putting his hand over hers - over the one which is still clinging onto his arm. "As long as you promise me you won't accidentally hit yourself with the bat."

And there's what he wanted to see - her expression changes, playful offence takes the sadness' place and she gently hits his back.

"Hey! I wouldn't do that."

"You totally wouldn't." his sarcasm earns him another punch and despite the situation and the place, he feels like he got something back.

The last time they bickered like this was half a year ago, the night his sisters had disappeared. They drank and played around until they started to make out in the kitchen, only stopping when Chris stepped inside the room wanting some booze for himself.

As they climb the stairs hand in hand they both feel somewhat relieved. They found a kind of small joy, a bit of happiness - something what they had left here months ago. Josh chuckles when she trips and almost falls, she feels excited as he hands her the baseball bat outside.

"Since there're only the two of us here, I think it's best I teach you how to hit the ball and not yourself."

"I'm not that clumsy Mister!" she tries to sound offended, but it doesn't work.

"I know you too well, girl; and I don't trust you with that at all."

Josh stands behind her, keeping a gentle hold on both of her arms as he explains how to stand and how to hold the bat. She chuckles when he playfully tickles her and this time she doesn't feel guilty about laughing. Before he lets go of her to throw the ball, he gives her a short hug and presses a kiss into the crook of her neck.

She misses the first time...

and the second time; and the third time...

She misses and Josh laughs and she thinks it's the most beautiful sight she's ever seen.

They change positions after a while and no matter how she throws, Josh never misses - not even once. He hits the ball every single time and it flies and lands far away.

She has the feeling that in that very moment, doing that very thing they both feel somewhat complete. She feels like Josh's smiles are honest, his laughs are honest and she forgets about Dr Hill and his stupid advice.

"No shit you like to play it." she says after a while as the both of them are lying in the grass, her head resting on Josh's arm. "It is fun."

"Believe me darling, it is much more fun when you actually hit the ball." his voice has a teasing edge to it and for a moment she thinks about turning towards him and hitting him playfully once again - but she doesn't.

Instead - hoping to get something more, trying to get a kind of good change out of him, she says: "I will, after a bit more training. You'll teach me, I have no doubt about that."

Josh turns towards her, gently touching her face and playing with her hair. She tries to read his face and she realizes that he understands what she's playing at. She wonders if he'll get upset or sad... but she gets an answer pretty quickly.

"I will - of course I will. You'll be the best player in this damn country."

The muscles in her face twitch and she feels like she'll cry. It's been so long, so long since Josh smiled and laughed that now seeing it again feels like a whole new experience. She doesn't want to leave the place or the moment. It's too nice.

"Better than you?"

"Way better." he promises and lets go of the lock of hair he's been playing with. "I love you, you know that, right?"

She feels frozen at the question and starts to wonder where it's coming from. The doubt in his voice, the softness in his eyes... He deserves the world, he deserves everything in it and he deserves to know that he does enough for her - she feels his love and every single emotion and action it causes.

"Of course I do... I know." she promises. "I love you too. And I'm here for you, no matter what."

It's her turn to lean in and she kisses him, making sure the kiss is soft and calm. She wants to make him feel whole and safe. She wants him to be happy.

They lay back down and stay quiet for a bit, enjoying the sunlight and the light summer breeze. She feels like she could melt. Melt into the feeling and moment forever, without ever getting bored.

"You know," Josh starts suddenly, his voice soft and unsure. "it's been a while since I've taken you out on a date."

"It's fine, Josh. These past months weren't exactly the best."

"No... I know." for a few moments he stays silent, not knowing what to say. "All I want to say is I have a few movies here we can watch and we can have a nice time before we-"

"-go back to them." she finishes, understanding what he means.

Them. All the friends, all the family members and pals who show an annoying amount of pity. All of those people who try to comfort Josh when doesn't want to do anything with them. The people who make him feel worse than better.

"I'd love that." she smiles at him as he turns towards him and hugs him. "But no horror."

"No horror." Josh nods.

It wouldn't be good for either of them.

She kisses his shoulder as they get going, stretching their muscles, before climbing the stairs to go and find the movies Josh was talking about.

As they look over his DVDs while hugging, all she can think about is how unfair life is, because Josh doesn't deserve any of the problems life threw at him...

#until dawn #until dawn x reader #josh washington #josh washington x reader #josh washington x fem!reader #hannah washington #beth washington

[diamonds-of-the-first-water]

It’s Polin Season

*Spoilers ahead for Bridgerton Season 3 part 1*

so i finished part 1 and oh my god. it was great. i’m gonna rewatch it later, but i want to list some of my favorite things after first watch (i’ll probably forget things I have been awake all night and am sleep deprived but oh well)

colin and el being elusive with one another about their activities

colin having a wet dream after one kiss

colin groping penelope like she was gonna float away

penelope’s new wardrobe and hair (they suit her so well)

PRUDANK

FROHN

phillipa not understanding how a baby is made or born and wondering why her husband has to change his pants after they kiss

surprisingly the music choices! when they were initially released i was wary but they all seem to fit the moment (aside from dynamite which was kinda just there?)

the carriage ride was even better than i imagined and i have imagined it many different ways so bravo team

ending with an almost direct book quote (for gods sake penelope featherington are you going to marry me or not?) chefs kiss. absolutely zero notes

for the show i’m glad the whistledown reveal wasn’t before the carriage scene it wouldn’t have made sense and there wouldn’t have been enough time to resolve it

honestly cressida makes much more sense as a character to me this season but it still doesn’t excuse her being a bully ( i like her but i love pen so)

marcus anderson seems like a good match for violet and i want to learn more about him

we got to see happy kanthony without them overshadowing the new couple (much like daphne in the first season)

things i didn’t like very much

another plot about benedict sleeping with some woman who will no longer be relevant next season

cressida being straight. this is wrong, do it again and get it right this time.

i honestly would have preferred penelope break off the engagement because she’s still in love with colin than debling doing it for her, but the tension cause of the broken engagement was sweet

though i’m glad kanthony wasn’t overused i still wish they showed up more in part 1, i know they will be back but still. at least one other episode

lady danbury and penelope’s relationship isn’t as strong as it is in the books. mind you polin names their first kid after her.

summary:

with what I have seen so far i almost wish we had gotten weekly releases instead. ideally we’d get the whole thing at once but if that wasn’t an option weekly would have been nice. i’m kinda tired of the binge model. overall i loved part 1 and will definitely be rewatching it later

more thoughts to come! thank you nicola and luke for doing our polin justice

#bridgerton #bridgerton season three #bridgerton season 3 #bridgerton s3 #polin #penelope featherington #colin bridgerton #lady whistledown #anthony bridgerton #kate bridgerton #benedict bridgerton #daphne bridgerton #eloise bridgerton #francesca bridgerton #gregory bridgerton #hyacinth bridgerton #john stirling #violet bridgerton #lady danbury #queen charlotte #carriage scene #lord sadamani #portia featherington #phillipa featherington #albion finch #prudence featherington #harry dankworth #marcus anderson #nicola coughlan #luke newton

[umbrace-rambles]

Not trying to justify or excuse Doflamingo in any way, I'm actually a big fan of his manslaughter and many awful crimes but as I was rewatching Dressrosa I noticed I believe a lot of people forget about the second smaller backstory flashback he gets? Which goes considerably deeper into why he is Like That despite being much shorter.

I'd guess most people only remember the main one he shares with Corazón and Law (understandable) but like.... he was very much groomed to be Like That, the same way he planned to do with Law.

Until before he killed his father, he was shown to be, at most, an extremely entitled and annoying child that very much embodied what he had learned from their lifestyle as a celestial dragon. You can see that mindset and behavior in literally all of his ex-peers (excluding later Homing and Mjorsgard, but they're exceptions)

After Homing decided to leave Mary Geoise with his family and during everything they endured after, Doflamingo was just very pissed and very much growing hateful towards his father (which is not that hard to understad given the situation) but never actually acted aggressive, or homicidal, he just kept giving the same celestial dragon tirade, because he didn't understand what was going on. He repeatedly asks his father why what he has known for his whole life is not working, he is confused.

Now, the second backstory flashbacks reveal some very much crucial things to what happened after all of this, including the fact that it was Trebol (and Diamante, Pica and Vergo, who were already together at the time) who gave Doffy both his fruit and the gun he uses to kill his father, stating that he was chosen by the heavens because they witnessed him using Conqueror's haki back when he and his family were tied up. This instantly draws Trebol's group to him and makes them realize that actually, this kid is very fucking powerful, we should weaponize that.

So Doflamingo kills his father (and this is the last time we see Rosinante with him so we can assume they split after this- Rosi likely being taken by Sengoku when they find him), brings his head to Mary Geoise to try and bargain rejoining the celestial dragons, which goes bad, and then he goes back to Trebol and his group. They comfort him and state that since he can't go back, he should join them, and they would give him everything he ever wanted. What follows is a long montage of them fueling his previous mindset that he is right, indeed chosen by the heavens, that he should rule over everything, and that they will act as his executioners on his every whim.

Now, I don't believe Doflamingo could ever be "normal" or that he would be able to rebuild his mindset from what he had learned from the celestial dragons the same way Rosinante was able to. I do, however, fully believe that he would be much different from what he is now, had he never been groomed by Trebol & co. Would he have been drawn to violence and destruction the same way? Perhaps he would end up there on his own anyway, but maybe not, maybe he would remain more similar to other celestial dragons, weak and fearful and using other people to do his dirty work for him.

I do think there's something fundamentally wrong with that man that would still surface in some way at some point of his life but who knows, things could've been different.

#this is not even a meta post I just had Thoughts after rewatching the backstory the other day #word vomit. if you will #one piece #celestial dragons #donquixote doflamingo #donquixote rosinante #donquixote family #op_meta #one piece meta #one piece text posts

[salamisatos]

late to the party?

I recently finished Xena's first season and it's the first time I'm rewatching it since I was a teen. And I'm just overwhelmed. I finished "Is there a doctor in the house?" last night and spent my whole day thinking about the episode and the season as a whole.

The thing is, I missed tv so much without even realizing it. Halfway through the season it hit me that we did used to have mid-season finales and the storyline would go a certain way to 1) give us a twist or 2) plant the seeds for the finale. What a joy, truly.

Anyways, from what I could remember the relationship between Xena and Gabrielle was never just implied but I thought they had only started to add more things in later seasons but it's so clear that this build up starts as soon as season 1. It was a very pleasant surprise, actually.

The start of Gabrielle's hero journey is breathtaking. I love a good "young and naive sidekick that tries to keep their heart pure even after witnessing the horrors of the world" trope. She starts like that and it's so painfully clear how much Xena wants to protect that and at the same time in later episodes we also see how much she respects Gabrielle's worldview. I also love that when she goes back home to figure herself out after freezing facing a dangerous situation it's 100% her choice. It was an amazing choice to put this moment right after she starts becoming more and more competent in battle, taking more care of herself because I feel like it was such a turning point for her. It's like in that moment she fully understood how high the stakes were and it's heartbreaking to see Xena come to the realization that she can't help Gabrielle with that. Ugh, I love it.

Speaking of Xena, I love how through the season we see her getting more and more fond of Gabrielle but really keeping her at arms length because she thinks she's not a good person. They are always doing things kind of separately, mostly Gabrielle staying behind and what not. I also love how this power trip and bloodlust she gets into feels almost like an addiction and it's such a painful struggle. She's trying so hard and Gabrielle is so ready to vouch for her, to absolve her of all her wrong doings, even us as audience feel so much in the way she's trying to do what's right and then bam they hit us with Callisto.

AND IT'S SO GOOD! like the literal personification of everything she did wrong. and they show us in such a nice way how much Xena understands and accepts that what she's doing is basically the bare minimum. She's not going to be absolved of anything, she's doing what's right because it's the right thing to do because she doesn't want that pain and suffering anymore and not because people will cheer and forgive her on the spot. She won't cheer and forgive herself on the spot.

It blows my mind how she's as caring as she's tough. I feel like often in media people still struggle to balance this line with the "strong female character" and here I felt it was done so naturally. In the last episode we see her using so many of her battle techniques but this time to help heal people. People she doesn't even know. We see her so practical, rationally teaching medicine as we know it to Hippocrates lol but then it all comes crashing down so painfully when Gabrielle gets injured. Like, that's her guide, her northern star, her partner and best friend. The scene where she's trying to get Gabrielle back is just so so so strong. She's like a cornered animal, no one is going to help her, she's at her most vulnerable and everything is so raw and desperate it truly took my breath away.

I don't think that's when she realized she really loved Gabrielle, I think she's known that for quite some time at this point but it was the first time she actually had to face what it would be like to really lose her and it was the worst thing that has ever happened to her.

Anyways I don't even know if I'm making sense, I just felt a lot of things and decided to let it out. I just love them so much it's crazy. And they love each other so much it's even crazier.

#long post #xwp #xwp personal recap #xena warrior princess #my text #also it's been ages since I typed so much english lol

[phantaloon]

okay okay im finally finished with both eps and here's my genuine opinion

the cast is 10/10, every single one of these kids knows exactly what they're doing and WHO they are, i can't imagine anyone playing each character better than them

the slight change in Sally and gabe's dynamic gave me a bit of whiplash at first, but the second time watching it, i kinda really dig it better than the books

the way they're portraying percy's feelings of inadequacy and the whole "i know I'm broken, i don't need you to make up stories for me"? fucking devastating, but it fits so fucking well (i can't remember if this is shown as deeply as it's shown here)

sally jackson is the most badass mfer and i fucking love her she is the godly parent fuck poseidon

it's been said before but sally calling percy perseus when she wants him to listen >>>

LOVED how they gave us the impression of percy having riptide while facing the minotaur, only for them to take it away (not really but percy didn't know that) and having percy face the minotaur book style rather than movie style

ANNABETH SAYING PERCY MUST BE THE ONE I SCREAMED

i am fucking loving the way they're doing percy's rage, like maybe it's bc i don't remember it as clearly in the books, but it's so raw, and walker does an amazing job portraying it, but the whole part where he offers food (a thing meant to be for gods) to SALLY, king behavior fr, and that monolog about making his father see them?? actual goosebumps

leah does such an amazing job portraying annabeth's indifference and apparent arrogance, i can't explain how much i love her, like she does it so subtly, it's just little gestures, but she IS annabeth chase (this felt especially cooler after seeing her in interviews, where she's actually really shy irl)

im not going to lie here, and like im sure it was done on purpose anyway, but i am feeling it kinda rushed, and I get it really! they won't waste time in the many chapters spent during camp introducing the world to us, when they've got few episodes, and the whole quest to showcase instead, but like, i would have loved to see percy training with luke (and besting him) and annabeth showing percy around camp (second time we've missed that) and idk just some fun little details, but like i said, i understand why they HAD to rush the intro, so I'm not upset about it or disappointed, just smth to notice

having said that, i really did love the bit of luke guiding percy through several activities trying to figure out his "calling", the callback to percy's horrible archery skills is 10/10

annabeth's yankees cap is fr a yankees cap and im crying

i nearly forgot, but im loving the nightmare sequences, i love how they're keeping the "voice" so faceless and shapeless, but just a light in the darkness of a nightmare, and really it's a great figure, bc a light in a nightmare is usually a good thing, it's the thing you run towards, and it's usually smth that helps you, but here, the light in the darkness is anything but good (quite literally) and he literally taunts percy, and fuels his fear and bitterness, and ugh I love it

the whole capture the flag sequence is 10/10 as well, i can't explain how much this healed me, just like annabeth leaving percy to be bored to death on his own, when she was right there, the transition between luke's "percy's got this" and percy doing the fucking floss dance? cinematic masterpiece, and like the fight sequence was really well done and crafted much much better than many others that rely on slow mo or weird angles, like the fight with clarisse and her spear was gold

dior's scream as percy breaks clarisse's spear alone deserves an emmy

leah portrays annabeth so effortlessly and naturally, I've said it before but i love her

i got like 10 seconds of annabeth interacting with percy and i can already see them together forever ahdjdj

overall 10/10 will rewatch again and again and again bc I'm in fucking love even if it does feel a bit rushed at times and there was the same lack of the hellhound as the movie

#pjo #pjo show #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo tv show #pjo tv series

[whateverisbeautiful]

♥️ Ranking Richonne

#24: Family Fun Days (S9E03 & S4E15)

Grimes Family 2.0 has my heart eternally. 🥹 They are the best family to ever grace an apocalypse. And what’s so sweet is during their Family Fun Day in s9 and s4, it truly didn’t even feel like an apocalypse - that’s how much love and joy Rick and Michonne were admirably able to place in their and their kids’ lives. And while the fallen world turned Rick and Michonne into walker-slaying warriors, who they really are to their core are parents. (ours and their kids 😋) So the final Family Fun Day and the first unofficial Family Fun Day are a tie on this list for allowing Richonne to show why they're the greatest parents around...

Starting with the s9 Family Fun Day, one of my favorite parts is when Rick, Michonne, and Judith are walking hand in hand in ASZ. It’s so idyllic and so the type of rewarding happy life these three deserve.

I think back to s5 when Rick and Michonne were outside the gates of ASZ with Carl and baby Judith in the backseat of their car. I love that the leap of faith they took together in coming to this place has now turned into a stable home where they can fully enjoy being family.

I feel like words can’t fully even capture how much I love all this. Their smiles. Michonne cheering Rick on by saying, "come on, daddy." Judith skipping. Rick's countdown. And the way they lift her up and cheer Judith on. Somehow, I never noticed it until this rewatch, but after they lift Judith up, Rick and Michonne say “wow” at the exact same time. Always in sync those two. 🥰

And Rick and Michonne getting to just be parents is the best and so meaningful. After the devastating loss of children, the way Rick and Michonne have risen from those depths of despair and given Judith a beautiful cheerful life is so commendable. And, truly, it speaks to the strength of Rick and Michonne's impact on each other's lives that they can be this healed and happy now.

I’m choked up from just this initial moment and it only gets cuter with each of their activities. It’s clear that this is Judith’s favorite way to spend the day, but make no mistake, this is Rick and Michonne’s favorite way to spend the day too. And I love that Family Fun Days are something they seem to do often and look forward to. (also it's sweet that, throughout the series, we got several indicators that little Judith is a mama's girl 😊)

It was such a joy to see this side of Rick and Michonne, especially knowing we’d only have 2 more eps before Rick’s departure. I love that we got to see Rick just have so much fun as the best girl dad. He deserved to have so many more days like this with his baby girl. 🥲

Also, what I would give to have seen a family fun day that included Rick, Michonne, RJ, Judith, and Carl all together. 😭

The good thing is Rick and Michonne are going to do everything in their power to get home to Judith and RJ, and I have hope TWD's best parents will be able to have plenty more days like this to enjoy with their children whenever the four reunite.

(Side note: Since we're talking Grimes family in this post, can I just say I never understand the complaints about our sweet prince RJ being a regular kid doing regular kid stuff - like ??? To me, it's actually the biggest flex that Rick and Michonne's baby is living a normal life. A whole dang apocalypse hit the earth, and your kid is able to just read comics and ride bikes because, even in the most dangerous possible world, you managed to create some normal (as normal as it can be in that world) stability for your children - What a win. And rather than find him "boring" as a kid under age 10 just living life, I find it heartwarming that RJ Grimes got to be so normal. The mostly peaceful and regular way RJ is living is the very thing Michonne and Rick wanted and fought for. It's the very thing RJ's big brother Carl fought for too. How wonderful that they got what they wanted 🥰👌🏽)

And then the montage includes my absolute favorite visual with the three of them on a picnic blanket all relaxed, with a brief glimpse of Rick handing Michonne a pink flower as Judith seems to notice the way her dad loves her mom. Even in just a .5-second clip of Rick wanting to give Michonne that flower we see yet another example of how Rick so naturally shows love to his wife. 🥰

I love that in s9 especially, Rick was like if y’all don’t know nothing else about me, you’re going to know that I’m head over heels in love with Michonne. And he’s just so good at courting her even in their married era, and I adore how he’s always thinking of how to gift her.

Y’all, everything in this moment (& the deleted picnic scene where Rick expresses wanting more years like this with his wife and kids) gives me so much happiness and peace. Again, it’s so idyllic and tranquil and pretty. I wanted them to live in this moment forever.

The picnic shot is just beauty and I will always cherish it. It makes me think about Carl’s vision in s8, of their family playing hooky. I know Carl would be so proud to see the three of them essentially doing exactly that on this beautiful family fun day. Like this whole montage is truly what Carl wanted most for the three of them. 🥹

To this day, when I see Scott running over while the three are reading, I’m like damn it. 😫 Richonne deserved to have a day to be all about their family and nothing else and Rick and Michonne look like they really do agree with me in the way they both communicate with a wordless look lol.

They don’t want this family time to end, but they know the world is ready to start screaming again. I do like how Rick sees Scott coming but keeps reading tho. Like ‘maybe if we keep reading he’ll just jog past us.’ 😂 

Seeing Rick kiss Judith before joining Michonne and Scott is so sweet and so sad because it’s his final interaction with his daughter before he’s taken away for years. 😭

Rick and Michonne again wordlessly communicate upon learning about that murdered savior, and you can tell they’re both disappointed. And I'm disappointed that Family Fun Day was cut short too, but I also was like, I should've known...

But I adore that this scene, which ends up being Rick and Michonne's last time side by side in the present, does not end on disappointment.

Rick is quiet and looking at Michonne, and then he looks away frustrated and stressed, especially because this new development could jeopardize the unity and safety he and Michonne so badly want to build for their people.

It’s so clear how Michonne feels for him, knowing how much they both wanted to have this day to just be. And then the shot focuses on their hands with Rick’s fist clenched to further illustrate his frustration. 

But Michonne always knows how to offer Rick the exact right uplifting encouragement and so I love that she then takes his hand. The choreo of it is so good with her slowly sliding her hand into his. It’s symbolic for Michonne to be the one who could most help Rick release his fist, thus release the frustration, and hold onto what matters most.

And, of course, Rick is receptive and holds her hand. He can always receive the positivity Michonne instills in him. And so I love that Rick tightly holds her hand and allows that to be the note they can end on together. 

Richonne handholds are always a thing of beauty so I love that their final moment like this ends on that emphasized visual. Even when things fall apart, they’re still in it together. They’re still held together by their love.

Y’all, how do even their hands tell a compelling story? I mean they always have. From exchanging bullets in Clear, to passing mints and holding hands in their canon ep, and this significant final present moment between them. It really does highlight the strength, love, and unity of Richonne's relationship. 

It’s also sweet how Rick and Michonne's official romance began with a handhold, and their final moment ends with one too. And while their journey is about to devastatingly take them on separate paths for years, I really feel like this handhold right here actually never breaks.

In many ways, during their years apart, Rick and Michonne still embarked through life as though their true love was still with them, still holding their hand and supporting them because their love is neverending - as noted in both Rick and Michonne's sentiments during the TWD series finale.

(Side note: There’s this interesting contrast I think about - because with losing Lori, part of what made it so painful on Rick is knowing they never got official closure after they grew distant and their marriage fell apart. But then with “losing” Michonne after he was taken, part of what likely makes it so painful for Rick is that their marriage was in such a great spot. Rick and Michonne were so beyond close, happy together, and hopeful for their future just before Rick was taken away. And that’s a unique pain to just be abruptly plucked from the woman you were so longing to spend the rest of your life with. Where the Lori loss featured an element of mourning a clear closed door, the Michonne “loss” is an element of mourning all the doors he hoped he'd open with her. And I’m really curious to see how Rick has been dealing with that type of pain while away in TOWL)

This whole sequence of events in 9.03 is the definition of precious. And the song in the background pairs so nicely with this heavenly time. I love Grimes Family 2.0, and this was like a beautiful love letter to them.

It was a lovely reward for Rick and Michonne after all they've been through in this series. And I just appreciate how much joy was depicted in every moment Rick got with his girls in season 9. (their opening moment in the s9 premiere also gets an honorable mention cuz I absolutely adore it)

So I called this Family Fun Days plural because before Rick and Michonne so adorably had their day as mommy and daddy with Judith, they had another version of a family fun day out in the woods with Carl. And this moment, along with the s9 montage, are my all-time favorite Grimes Family 2.0 scenes.

This one in season 4 is so meaningful because during their s9 family fun day in ASZ they were enjoying merriment in the safety of their community - but here the golden trio of Rick, Michonne, and Carl are traveling while unsure of where they’ll get their next meal or where they’ll lay their head for the night…and yet they smile. 🥹 The levity found in this moment is so important and heartwarming to see. 

I love that Michonne was so effortlessly able to be a best friend to Carl and helped him have fun even in an apocalypse. I adore the opening of the scene as Rick talks about resources running low and turns around to see Michonne and Carl adorably preoccupied with their train track competition.

Rick turning around to see Michonne and Carl reminded me of the s9 premiere when the first thing we see of Rick is him opening the doors to watch Michonne and Judith.

I know Michonne’s bond with Carl and Judith means the absolute world to Rick. And I can only imagine how moved Rick would (and will) be to see her bond with their adorable son RJ too. 😭

(Again, I'll never get over the fact that Michonne really carried Rick's child. How extremely beautiful. 🥹And soon Rick is going to finally know all about the son he made with the love of his life. Won't He Do It! 🥳)

I always appreciate that Rick walks over to Michonne and Carl, letting them have the moment a little longer, and the way Michonne playfully tries to win their competition. Carl sharing the Big Cat because "we always share" is also just so sweet.

And, of course, you know I love the way that man Rick is grinning while watching and appreciating this wholesome family moment. 🥰The way he keeps sneaking glances at Michonne as he smiles - I forever stand by the fact that Rick has fallen in love with Michonne by this point.💯

Even despite their circumstances, the three seemed so happy in this moment cuz they’re together the way it was meant to be. And I love that Michonne and Rick both valued giving Carl a good childhood against all odds.

In Carl’s devastating final episode "Honor" he tells Michonne "Don't carry this - not this part," and I always like to think that this moment on the tracks is one of the parts of their journey Carl hopes Michonne holds onto instead. Cuz it was such a beautiful happy moment that cemented the three as a family.

And, clearly, she and Rick did choose to carry the good parts with Carl and even pass it on to Judith as they and their daughter so presently enjoyed a day of fun and games seasons later, where for a few hours they didn't have to be community leaders or fierce fighters. Instead, Rick and Michonne just got to be what they so cherished being - mom and dad. Grimes family forever. 🤍

#richonne #top 30 #number 24 #rick x michonne #reveling in richonne #twd 9.03 #twd 4.15 #twd towl #the ones who live

[tbyfandoms]

Flowers | Austin Butler x Reader

Pairing: austin butler x f!reader

Word Count: 3k

Summary: after making a quick run to the store, austin comes home with a surprise for his favorite girl in the world (requested)

Warnings: none

Masterlist/Request Form | Ask/Tell/Request

A/N: I swear it takes the bare minimum for me to go off in delulu land and create a whole scenario of some cute domestic ish about one of my faves lmao! thank you to the anon who requested I write this, you truly fed into my fantasies and I appreciate the excitement. I know it’s been a while since I’ve uploaded a fic so I figured I’d finally try to sit down and write something quick and get it out for the last day of austin’s birth month! I hope you guys enjoy sentimental aus and the dash of horndoginess I threw in there. after finding out about a certain *ehem* tidbit, I saw an opportunity to include the fact austin is an ass man-ANYWAYS! as always lmk what you think! <3

also important side-note! for right now I think I am going to hold off on accepting any new requests for a while. I have quite a few backed up in my ask box that I really wanna get out for the people who sent them in and are patiently waiting! I can’t stop ya’ll from sending things in, but please know that at the moment the requests I have on my currently writing page are my current priorities and it might be a while until I get to yours!

“God, there’s literally nothing on,” you grumble after skipping past yet another movie preview on Netflix.

It’s both yours and Austin’s first off day together in such a long time and all you want to do is cuddle and watch a good film, but it’s like nothing is catching your attention, and at this point you kinda just want to rewatch a comfort film and call it a day. You doubt Austin will put up much of a fight.

The blonde did leave you in charge of finding something to watch while he went off to gather snacks, so he can’t complain too much if you two end up watching a movie you’ve both seen a hundred times, right?

While an idea starts to form in your mind and you quickly scroll to the search bar, soft footsteps from the kitchen make their way to you.

“Baby, I’m headin’ out the store really quick, I just need to pick up a few things before we get started. D’you need anything?”

Your boyfriend’s voice immediately takes your attention away from the black and red screen you’ve been staring at for the past ten minutes. Needless to say the interruption and new view is much appreciated. You swear to yourself that Austin could walk out of a place wearing just a trash bag and he’d still be the most beautiful man you’ve ever laid eyes on.

He looks so soft and cuddly in his cotton shirt and track pants that it makes you sad at the idea you’ll have to wait even longer now to wrap yourself in his arms.

“Did we eat all the snacks again already? I swear neither one of us is home enough to go through food that quickly and yet somehow we always do,” you say as you shake your head lightly.

Austin’s soft chuckle drifts through the air. “It blows my mind too, sweetheart.” The actor moves closer to the front door and begins to put his shoes on—grey and black Adidas with the white stripes, his latest favorites. “I mean we have stuff but I wanna get you some of those candies you like to have when we go to the movies, I figured we could really make it our own little film experience, y’know?”

You scrunch your nose in fondness at the sentiment and get up off the couch to meet your boyfriend at the door. He grabs one of his many baseball caps and settles it atop his blonde waves. You notice how thick Austin’s hair is getting, the hat sliding snuggly over his head.

“Awh, Aus, I’d love that, that sounds amazing,” you grin, stepping forward and wrapping your arms around his neck. “Now, tell me, how would you feel about me picking a certain favorite Gosling film for our movie?”

You grin cheekily at Austin, seeing the flicker of realization in his eyes as he understands exactly which film you’re referencing. Between the two of you, there really is no other Ryan Gosling film it could be besides—you guessed it—The Notebook.

“You’re really gonna make me cry on my day off?” The blonde teases and you roll your eyes jokingly in response. After you and Austin started dating, it didn’t take long for the two of you to go in depth about your favorite films—I mean, it was only fitting—and it was only then did you discover his love for The Notebook. Although written off as a typical, cheesy romance film, it’s so much more than that and Austin was one of the only people to see it as such. The both of you talked for ages about it and no matter how dumb it sounds, that conversation—among many other things—convinced you wholeheartedly that Austin was the man of your dreams. It’s been years since your relationship with Austin started and that film is still one of you forever favorites. You and Austin make sure to rewatch it together at least once a year, tears and choked back sobs included.

“C’mon, baby, you know you want to! It’s about time for our rewatch anyways! I’ll be there the whole time to console you during all the sad parts, and then you’ll be there to console me right after that! I’ll even bring the tissues,” you laugh.

Austin shakes his head and because of your closeness to him you can feel his chest rumble as he laughs along with you. It’s an odd thing to find comfort it and yet you do.

“Fine but only because I love that film—and you—so much. I mean crying in my girl’s arms over a Gosling movie sounds like a day well spent to me anyways.”

The blonde inches closer and rubs his nose against yours, grinning broadly at your giggles that ensue. He swears if he could bottle up that sound and keep it forever, he would.

“Alright, I’m goin’,” Austin says as he steps back and begins to open the door. “You didn’t answer earlier, did you need anything from the store?”

Shaking your head, you respond, “Nope. All I need is for you to come home to me as soon as possible so I can wrap myself in your arms and cry over Noah and Allie with you.”

You’re met with that thousand watt smile again and you can’t help but to return it. “I promise I’ll hurry back, I wouldn’t miss that for the world.”

Before Austin steps fully out the door, he stops and turns back towards you, reaching out his hand to cup your cheek and connect his lips with yours.

The kiss is soft and sweet and the second Austin pulls away you want more than anything for him to kiss you again.

“I love you,” he says before sneaking in another quick kiss, this time on your cheek, and then proceeding out the front door.

The lock clicks into place and as you stand there in the hall, the only audible sound being Austin’s car pulling out of the driveway, you sigh and reach your fingers up towards your lips. It doesn’t matter how long you and Austin have been dating, the whimsical and electric state he leaves you in after each time he kisses you will never, ever get old.

*****

It’s probably only been about fifteen to twenty minutes since Austin left when you hear keys jangling in the door knob.

You figured it wouldn’t take him long considering the store you always go to is right down the street, but the time apart was still long enough for you, so you leap off the couch and hurry to meet your boyfriend as he walks through the front door.

Instantly you notice the small plastic bag Austin’s holding in his hand that he used to open the door. You can already see the wrappings of all your favorite treats peaking through the top and that alone gets you excited. So excited, in fact, that you don’t even notice the way Austin’s holding his other hand behind his back.

The blonde holds out the plastic bag towards you and you squeal in excitement as you begin to dig around in it. “Ah, no way! They actually had them this time!? When I went last they were sold out.” As you grab at one of your favorite snacks, you watch as Austin angles himself awkwardly to try and close the door. It’s like he doesn’t want to turn his back towards you and it’s at this time that you notice he’s holding something out of your line of sight.

“Austin what are you doing?” You giggle, quirking your eyebrow at the way he stands there with a mischievous, yet fond smile on his face. You hear a distinct crinkling sound and you know it’s not from your own bag. “What d’you got there?”

“After I grabbed all our snacks and was headin’ up to the register, I passed a display and saw these.” Your boyfriend brings the hidden object from behind his back and you gasp at the sight of it. “They reminded me of you so I got ‘em for you. Pretty flowers for a pretty girl.”

Austin hands you the bouquet and your eyes instantly well with tears. They’re the most stunning blush colored roses you’ve ever seen and they smell absolutely incredible. There’s a small card sticking out of the side of them and as you read the words written in Austin’s handwriting, your heart swells with adoration.

For my favorite girl

Love, Austin

“Aus,” you whisper, not trusting your voice to withstand anything else. “They’re beautiful. Thank you so much. You didn’t have to do that.”

The actor can tell how emotional you are right now, can tell how much this means to you. He’d do anything to let you know how much you mean to him, to let you know how much he loves you. He’d buy you flowers every single day if it meant he’d get to see that look on your face. That look where your eyes get real big and sparkly and your smile is so wide it makes your eyelids crinkle at the corners. That look that makes Austin want to give you the world.

Careful not to smash the bouquet held delicately in your hands (the bag of snacks now laying on the floor), Austin reaches out and hugs you with one arm, planting a soft kiss on the side of your head. “I know I didn’t have to, sweetheart, but I wanted to. I love you so much and you deserve to be appreciated.”

With the right words to say completely escaping you, you do the next best thing and instantly close the gap between you and the man standing in front of you. One of Austin’s hands finds its place on your lower back, pushing you closer to him, and your own hand without the bouquet in it finds its way to the nape of his neck—fingers twisting in those thick waves you took notice of earlier.

“I love you so much more, Austin Butler,” you breathe out as you break apart from your boyfriend’s soft lips.

“Mmm, whatever you say, baby,” he mumbles against your mouth as he goes in for yet another kiss. You nearly drop your flowers as you get caught up in Austin again, so you break apart before you can do any real damage to them.

“As much as I’m enjoying this right now, I need it to stop for like five seconds before I completely lose myself in you and ruin this gorgeous bouquet,” you giggle, before reluctantly taking a step back from your boyfriend in order to go find a vase in the kitchen to set the flowers in.

“Would that really be such a bad thing?” Austin calls after you. It doesn’t take long for him to meet up with you in the kitchen, his tall figure leaning casually against the doorframe. “I think having rose petals all over the floor would actually be quite romantic. It’d really…set the mood.”

In between spreading out the roses in the vase you found, you glance up at Austin and can see the way his eyes have clouded over just slightly. His intent and emphasis on the last few words of his sentence become abundantly clear, and you try to fight the heat you feel rising up your neck.

Making your way around the kitchen island, you stop in front of your boyfriend and lean lightly into his chest, your hands basking in the warmth radiating through Austin’s white shirt. “You do realize it is your birthday month, right, Aus? Why am I the one getting all the special treatment?”

There’s a soft smirk playing on your lips and you revel in the way Austin tilts his head to the side, his own smirk quirking up at the corner of his mouth. “Who’s to say I’m not getting my own type of special treatment? Looking after my girl and seeing her happy sounds like a pretty nice birthday gift to me.”

Burying your face in Austin’s chest, you barely contain the squeal threatening to spill out of you over the actor’s words. This man somehow always knows the right thing to say to make you melt. “You’re such a heartthrob you know that?”

“I am a man of many talents,” Austin beams. The two of you laugh and you push lightly on his chest to get him to move back towards the living room.

“C’mon, think of the snacks waiting for us! I won’t let your incredibly smooth sweet talking make us miss out on our plan for an at home film experience!” No matter how tempting, you think.

“Trust me, sweetheart, I am thinking about my snack. Mine just isn’t in that little bag you got there.” As you bend down to pick up the plastic bag you haphazardly threw to the side at the reveal of your surprise flowers, Austin comes up behind you and lightly smacks your ass, causing you to let out a sharp gasp.

Jolting upright, you fake annoyance and watch as your boyfriend turns towards you and holds up his hands in innocence. You reach into the bag and throw one of the packets of candy at him. The blonde winks at you as he catches it with ease and then plops down on the couch.

“You’re right though, I did say I wouldn’t miss this for the world, and I am also a man of my word. So c’mon, Ryan’s waiting for us,” Austin grins as he pats the spot next to him on the couch.

Unable to keep up your feigned irritation, you let the smile that’s twitching at the corner of your lips break through as you hurry over to Austin. No matter what happens, you’d never turn down an open invitation from the man you love with all your heart.

Cuddling up to Austin’s side you sigh in the satisfaction of finally getting to relax with him. Sure you two are able to see each other relatively often considering the fact you live together, but it’s rare when you get to just sit together and do absolutely nothing besides enjoy each other’s company. No cameras, no expectations, just you and him.

If anyone were to ask you, you’d say that’s what you’d call pure heaven.

As Austin presses play on the movie and the opening credits begin to roll, you watch as he rips open the bag of candy you threw at him. You take in how he eats one and then sets it aside, beginning to set up the rest of the treats he purchased for you. The reality of it all settles in as it does every so often and you feel a tiny squeeze in your chest as you take it in.

Having someone love you so deeply, having someone who knows practically every part of you from your favorite types of candy to what flowers you would like, having someone who sees your happiness as enough satisfaction for them and truly mean it, is just incredibly unbelievable.

You wonder practically every day how in the world you were lucky enough to find someone like that. To find someone who you love wholeheartedly and who loves you just the same, if not more. The material things—the flowers, the candy—are nice, but nothing beats the feeling you get when you’re with Austin, and you thank your lucky stars that the universe brought him to you. You truly don’t know where you’d be, who you’d be, without him.

“Austin,” you start, looking into his clear blue eyes as he turns towards you, a soft smile already adorning his lips as he catches sight of you. “Thank you for…”

You can’t even begin to think of where to start. You’re sat here looking at this man that’s staring at you with such a fond, loving expression and it’s like words won’t even dare try to form in your mind in a way that would express everything you feel for him. There aren’t enough of them, there aren’t any right ones.

“For what, sweetheart?” Austin whispers as he reaches out and tucks a piece of your hair behind your ear, the warmth from his fingertips leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake.

“For the…flowers,” you say before letting out an airy laugh. “For the candy, for staying in with me and letting me coerce you into watching this movie for the thousandth time, for just being you, and a million other things I don’t think I’ll ever have the right words to express.”

“You don’t have to thank me for any of that, my love, but you’re welcome anyways. I do it all because I want to, there isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for you just like I know there isn’t anything you wouldn’t do for me. I hope you know how much I appreciate you. I love you.” Austin leans down and plants a kiss on your forehead before pulling you even closer to his side, wanting nothing but to have you wrapped in his arms.

As your boyfriend turns his attention back to the movie and begins to rub his hand soothingly up and down your back, you feel a sense of content wash over you. When you’re with Austin, it feels like no matter what happens, as long as you have each other, everything will be okay. Nothing is certain, but you’d bet everything you’ve got that this love is.

“I love you too, Aus.”

#austin butler x reader #austin butler x y/n #austin butler x you #austin butler imagine #austin butler fanfiction #austin butler fic #austin butler fluff #austin butler #requested

[nofomogirl]

One of many roots of ineffable husbands' misunderstandings

There are many reasons why the S2 finale took us by surprise so much, and one of them is that we gaslighted ourselves into believing that Aziraphale and Crowley understand each other on the deepest possible level.

They don't.

Because they never talk. Not openly. Not about things that really matter.

I'm sure they've made a plethora of accurate observations about each other over the millennia, yes, but at the same time missed just as many things and formed just as many wrong assumptions.

We know that now.

For the last five months, we've been collectively shattering the illusion (most of us, anyway), and today I wanted to add to that noble effort. Something occurred to me while I was working on another post and I think it deserves to be its own thing rather than a sidenote in another lengthy meta.

It's probably going to be an unpopular opinion, but here I go.

Crowley doesn't actually understand how Aziraphale makes decisions.

I was rewatching season 1 to confirm some things for my next analysis, as one normally does, and I had a minor epiphany about the scene where Aziraphale agrees to get involved in stopping Armageddon.

Let's recall how it went.

Crowley started listing things Aziraphale would lose along with Earth, and things he would have to endure in Heaven.

Aziraphale rejected his idea and tried to leave.

Crowley hooked Aziraphale back in by inviting him for lunch.

Crowley let Aziraphale enjoy his meal and relax.

Crowley bought himself more time by inviting himself over for drinks.

Crowley started giving more examples of things Aziraphale could enjoy on Earth that he wouldn't have in Heaven.

Crowley went on a rant on how nasty Armageddon would be.

Once more Crowley described just how miserable Aziraphale's life would be after Armageddon, for eternity.

Aziraphale cracked and admitted he didn't want Armageddon to happen. However, he insisted he could not disobey God's will.

Crowley pointed out that it might be God's plan for Armageddon to be prevented, that Aziraphale's duty as an angel was to stop whatever the demons were planning to do, and since right now they were planning to bring about Armageddon, he should stop that.

Aziraphale finally agreed and shook on it.

Until now I never questioned that it was a masterful temptation by temptation master Crowley and every stage was purposeful and absolutely necessary to achieve the final goal.

First Crowley made Aziraphale really want to prevent Armageddon and then helped him reframe the situation in a way that would allow the angel to do what he wanted. He gave him an excuse. A plausible deniability.

But what if that wasn't it?

What if what Crowley was actually doing was taking one approach after another until something finally worked? What if Aziraphale didn't really need any softening or priming, and Crowley had just wasted a whole day on ineffective tactics because he didn't know what would do the trick until he finally chanced upon it?

The more I thought about it the more convinced I was that that was the case, and right now I can't believe I was clinging so tightly to the idea that Crowley knew what he was doing with Aziraphale.

Because if he really did understand his angel as well as I used to believe, why would he be so unsuccessful at reaching him when it mattered the most?

A popular interpretation is that in those crucial moments, Crowley simply lacked time, and convincing Aziraphale always required time. When time was lacking Crowley's finesse was useless against the angel's stubbornness, so he failed.

I can see how that makes sense, but as I've said, personally, I changed my mind.

The interpretation I'm suggesting is that Aziraphale never needed all that much time to be convinced of something. It only took Crowley so much time because he was pushing his buttons blindly until something worked. Because he didn't know what the right one was, and when he had only one chance he would always push the wrong one.

So, how does Aziraphale make decisions?

He chooses what he thinks is right.

Yes, it can get rather complicated. On the one hand, he is heavily indoctrinated, and it impacts his judgment. He can just embrace the most ridiculous piece of celestial propaganda on occasion and stick to it stubbornly. On the other hand, we know that his sense of right and wrong isn't really tied to Heaven or even God. We know because we've seen choices he'd made in the Job minisode.

But while it may not be easy to predict what Aziraphale will deem right in any given situation, the fact remains that this is what it comes down to. This is what ultimately informs his choices, especially the big ones, and the most effective way to persuade Aziraphale to do something is by proving to him that it would be the right thing to do. Or that the other option wouldn't.

I don't think Crowley realizes it. And there's a good reason why.

A great many choices aren't about right and wrong. They're just choices between two equally neutral options. Sometimes two equally ambivalent options. Either way, not really moral choices.

The problem with Aziraphale is that while he's managing perfectly fine small morally neutral choices, he's not very good with big ones. I believe that he expects all big choices to be moral choices and he has trouble making them when they're not. I've seen quite a few posts here arguing that Aziraphale is incapable of choosing his own happiness for its own sake, and I wholeheartedly agree.

And Crowley doesn't understand it.

He's not that far off the mark when the choice really is a moral one. When he was trying to convince Aziraphale to the Arrangement his arguments were about how the end result would be the same, ie. how it wouldn't be wrong. When he was trying to convince Aziraphale to kill Adam, he was pointing out how it would save everybody.

But when the choice isn't inherently a moral one, he doesn't understand why it's difficult for Aziraphale.

And in the most dire situations, he doesn't understand he could maybe try and go this route.

#good omens #good omens 2 #good omens meta #crowley #aziraphale #ineffable husbands

[superpowered-dirt]

i never post on here but i have so much in my head about twd: the ones who live i honestly feel like i might explode.

i know all anyone really wants to talk about from episode 2 is That Part of their reunion (which is fair, don't ask me how many times I rewatched it), but now, the part that keeps playing over and over again in my head is this tiny bit:

and i just need to say, danai and andy are so insanely talented bc this clip?? this clip—short as it is, with not a world of dialogue—says SO much about where our two characters are at.

first, rick. i watch this clip and i think holy shit, yeah, that is a broken man. andy does a masterful job at displaying through his eyes and the way he carries himself the extent of the psychological damage and anguish within rick, not to mention the guilt he carries. you can see the gears turning in his head as he reminds himself how he basically gave up on her. how he gave up on himself. how he told himself that he was done, he was never seeing her again, and let himself fold into the CRM. i think it's safe to say he hates himself for his choice to move on. he's utterly crushed by it. like look at him, he can't even meet her eyes!!

and michonne? she sees it. once the euphoria of I Found You has begun to wear off and she lets herself really take him in, she immediately clocks that this is not the same rick that "died" on the bridge. not the rick that led alexandria. not the rick that got them out of terminus. and definitely not the rick that stood up to the saviors. in fact, the last time she saw this version of him, it was right after the first time they ever lost to negan, and that horrifies her, because if that rick is back, then something truly terrible has happened. the look on her face in the clip says a million things, but most loudly, she's wondering, understandably and devastatingly, "my love, what have they done to you?"

the final clue for her that her rick is gone, at least for now, is their next interaction. since forever, both of their instincts anytime they've been told that something bad is coming their way have been to either hoof it for the safety of their family or stand back to back and dispatch the threat. it's the panic in his voice, the sheer desperation as he pleads with her to stand down instead and hide herself after she suggests they go that tells her she has no idea what he's been through or what she's in for now that she's in the shit with him. and even now, if the trailer for E03 has been any indication, she still fails to grasp the danger they're both in. i know what people online have been saying, but she's not being careless, this is michonne we're talking about, she just doesn't understand how careful she really has to be. and then throw jadis and her bitch ass bowl cut into the mix and suddenly a whole new threat looms over alexandria and the commonwealth that ultimately all comes back on rick too? the guilt he now has to face for not only dragging his wife into his mess, but through jadis, also his daughter and all his friends?? and if he finds out now that he has a son too, then there's even more guilt??????

i could go on for hours but i won't. all i'll say is that we're definitely in for such an emotional ride tomorrow. and really there's no one else i trust more than andy and danai to deliver that for us.

#the ones who live #the walking dead #twd #towl spoilers #i have a lot of feelings about them #and i'm ready for the angst #as long as there's a happy ending #preferably one where everyone survives

[m1ssunderstanding]

Understanding Lennon McCartney Rewatch Part 1.5

Coke Paul is just so pretty

What is the switching glasses supposed to mean in the penny lane video? Any thoughts?

In this interview, Paul seconds John's “go on forever” comment from a few months ago. They really did so well when they were living together, didn't they?

Okay, let's look at the difference in Paul's trips. His first ever trip with Tara Browne and he's just concerned that his sleeves are dirty and just mildly looking through a book of pictures. VS with John? The “I know.” “I know.” The “emperor of the universe” thing? Raving about it to everyone who would listen? Having to leave multiple times because it was scary how tightly they were bonding?

Their songwriting partnership is beyond insane. It's superhuman, it really is. Their abilities, their connection. And Cyn and Terry just reading. Just completely nonplussed. This was very every-day, monotonous stuff for them. Unfathomable. 

That song will always get me, though. “what do I do when my love is away?” “Obviously move my best friend in to take her place and then write a timeless classic with him about how it.”

Astrid: At first I did wonder if the really cared about people's feelings and people's friendship. Maybe this doc's whole thesis is “John and Paul's love for each other was so big they didn't have room for any kind feeling toward anyone else.”

The Pepper photoshoot is insane to me. Like more insane than the David Bailey one. Change my mind. You can't.

John tells an interviewer, "Only now am I beginning to realize many of the things I should have known years ago. I'm getting to understand my own feelings." Were follow-up questions just not invented yet??!! What things have you just learned, John? What feelings?

Never forget Linda took these. She must've been somewhat aware of how annoying this man was going to be about John from the start. And she still went after him. That's how good his . . . Nevermind.

"a decisive moment in the history of Western civilization" Well done, babies. 

I love smug Paul in general, and I especially love when he's smug about John. That “me and the badass bitch I pulled by being autistic” look. But literally. 

Gosh the Greece trip looks so beautiful. Idyllic. Paradisiacal. All of the beautiful people are just so blissful and in love. Sigh. (Every time I tried to take a screenshot of it it was too awful. Peter Jackson should clean it up.)

What are everyone's thoughts about the cause of Brian's death? I really liked what Vivek Tiwary said on AKOM. He knew he was taking a dangerous amount of drugs and he was depressed. But he wouldn't have just left so suddenly without leaving a will or setting things in order for the Beatles business. Anyway, no matter the cause, his death is the beginning of the end for the Beatles.  

All those quotes and pictures about the “intensity” between Paul and Brian are fascinating. “Obviously adored” “overcompensate” “little worries” What does it all mean? Was Brian in love with Paul in the end like he had been in love with John in the beginning? Or did he just feel bad because he knew it was unfair to Paul how in love he was with John? 

Wait, Brian was hospitalized for s*icide attempts in 66? Really? Confirmed? I knew he was in the hospital, but didn't know it was due to s*icide. 

Paul's hand at the small of John's back here, helping him onto the bus. It's so tender, so customary. They took such good care of each other.

Interviewer talking about MMT: If I can't see it in color, I'm going to send it back. ... :/

They're directing something and as Paul starts to walk away, so does John. But not because he wants to. He's looking around almost frantically. He has no choice in the matter. Only one person gets to control their legs at a time, and right now it's Paul's turn. 

Look how fucking ecstatic he is. I guarantee John isn't saying anything that monumental but look at those eyes. He's done for. Gone.

Interviewer: just get a tape recorder and you and Paul and the others just start gabbing. John: well, we've got a lot of that lying around the house, actually. Me: First of all “the house?” “the house?” Just casual. Like “our house” Like it's just common knowledge that they've been married and living together since they were fifteen. Second of all, give us the tapes already!! Who has them? Paul? 

All of these quotes from the Hunter Davies biography are just so normal. They're all so normal. It's fine. I'm fine. And here's my tin hat coming on again (and yeah I believe John loved George and Ringo immensely) but I think sometimes in these quotes, when John and Cyn are saying "the Beatles" they kind of mean "Paul . . . And George and Ringo". John himself actually says as much in the seventies, that when he says "the Beatles" he might just mean Paul, or just him and Paul. And there are countless times when Paul or John will start out saying "the others" and end up using just one name in a sentence. Idk this doc makes me such a truther I swear I'm not always this crazy.

And John's self soothing, reassuring refrain playing over all of it, “nothing's gonna change my world.” Right after Paul and Jane get engaged? Someone stab me in the heart, it would hurt less. And this is just the anticipation of the next part. Can I even handle part two?

Have some happy screenshots to bolster us.

#paul mccartney #the beatles #john lennon #mclennon #ringo starr #george harrison #get back #Trigger warning suicide #ulm #understanding lennon mccartney