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avengerscompound · 4 months

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The Interview - Chapter 6

The Interview - A Captain America Fanfic

Masterlist

PREVIOUS //

Rating: E

Warnings: nothing really

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Melody Danes

Word Count: 1684

Summary: Melody Danes gets the break of a lifetime when as a lowly intern, she’s assigned to write a profile piece on Captain America. Steve Rogers is a hard man not to fall for and as she and Melody get closer and Melody’s career takes off, jealousy leads to sabotage, and the potential to bring her whole world crashing down.

Chapter 6

Steve Rogers: The Man Behind the Mask

By Melody Danes | Photographs by Peter Parker

Everyone knows Captain America. He’s on the news regularly. There are comic books and action figures based on the man. Less is known about Steve Rogers. The centurion who became the first-ever Super Soldier is often tight-lipped about his personal life. He opened up to DB and what we found was not what we expected.

“You have a crush on Captain America!”

I’ve heard that accusation a lot since I started working on this profile piece. The first day I went in to meet him for lunch I kept telling myself; be professional, be professional, be professional, in my head on repeat. This is my first gig after all and well - it’s Captain freaking America. I didn’t want to freak the man out and ruin any potential I had at getting another interview assigned to me in the future.

Over the week I spent following Steve Rogers around I realized that was easier said than done.

I should start at the beginning. I had agreed to meet Steve at a diner near the Avengers Tower. Since he is who he is, and this was my first interview with anyone, I wanted to make a good impression. So I borrowed a pantsuit from a friend. It was not my best call, the shoes I wore were a size too big, and I fell just outside the diner we’d agreed to meet in.

Falling and being caught by Captain America when you’re on the way to meet him should be illegal. It leads to too many awful things from completely mortifying embarrassment to imagining how one day you’ll tell your grandchildren the story of how you met their grandfather.

Steve is somehow even more handsome in real life than in pictures. It’s almost like he’s been carved out of marble. His skin is flawless and his muscles are hard like stone. It’s his eyes that catch you though. They are so blue and his lashes are so long and so dark that I’m fairly sure they could see them from the Alpha Flight Space Station. They’re also kind. Steve can be intimidating, but there is something about his eyes that makes you feel safe.

That first meeting I’d expected him to be closed off and unwilling to open up. The Avengers haven’t exactly had the best run with the way the press reports on their work, and Steve in particular is known to keep to business when he speaks to the press. What I found (apart from the textbook definition of a chivalrous meet-cute) was a man who wanted to see who he was, just as much as we wanted to find out.

We are all used to seeing Steve Rogers as Captain America, a role he considers important, but the role means he’s always on display and the way we interpret the message might not be the one he is trying to put out.

He wasn't always on display. As he sits down to his steak he tells me about his childhood. It's a bleak tale. We all know the story, Steve Rogers was born to poor Irish Immigrants Steve had a list of ailments as tall as he was. Asthma, scarlet fever, rheumatic fever, sinusitis, heart palpitations, nervous trouble, bone and joint deformity, color blindness, scoliosis, high blood pressure, diabetes, pernicious anemia, partial deafness, astigmatism, and easy fatigability. It’s quite the list. “I was a perpetual letdown for my father. All he wanted was a good strong son who could follow in his footsteps, but what he got was a sick kid they didn’t expect would make it to adulthood,” Steve confesses. The disappointment was added to when Steve’s younger brother died shortly after he was born. It resulted in Steve’s father turning to alcohol and taking out that disappointment on the son who did survive.

It’s the kind of childhood that people usually describe to explain what sent them to the dark side. Not so for Steve. It made him particularly sensitive to vulnerable people. In his own words, Steve Rogers doesn’t like bullies.

On a tour of Brooklyn Heights, the place he spent his youth, Steve is quick to point out all the places where he fought off bullies. “You point to a spot and I probably started something I couldn’t finish there,” he tells me as we walk the streets. Even with that huge list of ailments and a father who beat him, he still stood up to people bigger than him when he thought something wasn’t right. It was no wonder that they chose him for Project Rebirth.

The sight of the Project Rebirth experiment that had turned into a nightclub now, and a strange tribute to all things Captain America. Taking a look around it with Steve is a strange experience. He seems genuinely happy that it had been turned into a place people go to enjoy themselves but it’s hard not to think about how he’d been experimented on and changed in that very room, making him the man he is today.

There are still things that linger from his childhood. Over his steak, Steve tells me about his issues with food and why he hadn’t ordered the pancakes he would have preferred. “Steak is fine. But is it what I wanted? I’m not even sure. I chose it because it looked like it was the best combination of protein and carbohydrates to get me through until dinner. The serum has made it so I burn through calories so fast, so if I eat something like pancakes or pie, I end up having a crash an hour or so later. And I can’t have that because it means I have to eat again. And for a guy who grew up through the great depression with medical conditions that made it so that he had to eat pounds of raw meat that I’d just end up throwing up - well I can’t take constantly eating throughout the day.”

It's such a human reaction to childhood trauma. We put our superheroes up on these pedestals and expect them to be more than us. To be perfect both as public figures and behind closed doors. It's a position no one can hope to achieve. Not even actual gods. (Especially not actual gods).

Steve Rogers is just a man. A good man, but still just a man. He blushes when he flirts and he rolls his eyes when his friends tease him. He can be quite sarcastic when he wants to be and he seems to want to be on a semi-regular basis. He is sweet and he is open about what he believes in. Sergeant James Barnes, Steve’s best friend growing up, followed him into battle not because he was Captain America but because he was Steve Rogers, “... and that little punk had a good heart.”

When asked what his biggest flaws are, he thinks about the question seriously. “I expect a lot out of others. I think I also automatically fall into a kind of disappointed father role. And I can be reckless.”

That recklessness is regularly seen through his role as Captain America. The fact he is still alive today is only because he intentionally crashed a plane in the Arctic Ocean and was put into suspended animation thanks to the ice. He is regularly known to throw himself off buildings without a way to break his fall.

He’s a little more careful in his personal life, though it’s easy to see why. The man has lost everyone once. Since waking up there’s only ever been one rumored romantic partner. Though he has gathered a rather large group of friends around him. The Avengers are more than just teammates, they're a family that they created together. Each one wants to be better and help fix the world with the skills they each have.

So what is a better world according to Steve Rogers? “I’ve always believed consenting adults should be able to love each other freely and without interference. I have always believed that people should have a minimum standard of living that’s met even if they’re unable to work. That means homes, food, electricity, running water, and medical care. I have always believed that people should be free to worship whatever god they choose - or not - as long as that worship doesn’t interfere with others or harm them.”

He’s also pro-choice - a position well ahead of his time, though he’s seen what can happen when the procedure is outlawed.

That is only one of the ways the world has changed since he was a kid, not just politically but physically. Steve used to stand at the docks in Brooklyn and watch the city line change. It’s now barely recognizable to him, only really the Chrysler and Empire State buildings stand out as recognizable. Where he grew up is different too, the art school where he started college doesn’t even exist anymore. Back when he was a child he treated his myriad of medical conditions using things like heroin, cocaine, and belladonna, something that seems unbelievable today.

It’s a lot to have to adjust to, but he has adjusted, and he still works to change what needs work while appreciating the changes that have happened. When I ask what he thinks we do today that will be seen as completely backward in another hundred years, his answer is circumcision.

He immediately blushes at his answer.

And that’s the Steve Rogers I got to know. Working hard at fitting into a world that has moved forward as he works to make further changes. Trying to be the good man he is. Snarky. Intelligent. And willing to talk about circumcision with a stranger even when it makes him blush.

So my friends are wrong. I don’t have a crush on Captain America. My crush is firmly aimed at Steve Rogers. The man is sweet-natured, decent, and completely unexpected. I may always carry this crush with me. He’s something special, and we’re all really lucky to have him.

// NEXT

#marvel #avengers #steve rogers #steve rogers x oc #steve rogers x ofc #captain america #captain america fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #ofc #smut #the interview

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tobyisave · 7 months

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the plot of "ethanol"

aka that Adamandi fanfiction I never finished last year (OTL) and companion to this drawing (x)! There were only a few pages (that I will never release) so instead here's what was going to happen, according to my old notes doc... it's mostly just Vincent angst I'm not gonna lie. I kinda stopped because I realized there was no plot at all and that's not how stories work

Also: I did not write adamandi. And it's been a *second* since I was Vincent. And cannot stress enough that even the finished parts of this are wildly unfinished. So make of this what you will kdlfdsjf

(tw for body horror, medical horror, suicide, self harm, others harm, vomit, you know the drill it's Adamandi)

CH1: "I love you, too"

Vincent wakes up in Hancock Infirmary, the medical center on Ardess campus. (It's incredibly sketchy that he's not in the local hospital instead -- especially since the Infirmary has been openly racist to him and Quincy before -- but evidently this is the best way to keep things under wraps.)

He has a traumatic brain injury (from fighting Beatrix), is probably a little drugged, and starts freaking out because he's in pain and everything looks super flat and fake...

But he sees his Phaethon award letter sitting on the nightstand and feels so relieved that he lets himself fall back asleep.

Later the doctor tells him "what happened" including a reference to Vincent’s suicide attempt and "stabbing his own eye" to which he's like my WHAT. He finally realizes he can only see out of one eye - he pokes his fingers into the "soft, swollen folds of meat" on his face (thanks past toby) and finds that the eye is completely gone.

Doc is like you might have amnesia? You also have a TBI. Also fill out this form to make sure you wont kill urself when we release you

Specifically, the form is like “How often in the past two weeks have you: Had trouble sleeping…. Had thoughts that you are a failure….. Wanted to hurt yourself….. Attempted suicide….” And because he only ticks the last one the final score is "1" and the doctor's like okay free to go! (this is totally anachronistic but i think its funny so it stays)

Doctor makes him call someone to help him get home.

For some reason he doesn’t want to call Quincy (he thinks bc he hurt Quincy really bad). He thinks over who else he could call – oh yes, that guy I’ve been hanging out with lately, Ambrose! Wait fuck…. For the first time he realizes that Ambrose is not here.

After phoning Quincy to pick him up (Q cries on the phone, V feels moved to but genuinely doesn't have the energy to cry or even say much - and they say I love you to each other, except its Weird and Uncomfortable this time), Vincent roots around in the medical waste bin and pockets his enucleated eye, which he's alarmed to find is bloody and kind of smashed to a pulp.

CH2: pretty peppermint green

(title from "asthma" by b/ulldog eyes)

Quincy shows up (btw they're they/them in this because I can) and Vincent remembers pretty much everything. They share a reluctant kiss --- after which Vincent is content to slip into the fantasy that things are back to normal --- and walk back to the dorm. It's lightly misting outside. On the way there, Vincent stops and kneels to vomit from his intense headache and nausea. Quincy tries to hold them/help them up after and it makes Vincent's heart race.

In Quincy's room, they lie in bed. Vincent is often the big spoon (lol) but he feels the eye in his front pocket squish against Quincy's back, so they switch for undisclosed reasons. Quincy keeps saying they're so glad Vincent is back and they love him so much. That strikes a terrible weird chord with Vincent, and he's just lying there and he can't see Quincy's face and he's practically pressed between them and the wall and he can't stop feeling like there's another guy in the room watching them both, and he's not sure if the knowledge that there isn't is comforting or scary, and he starts freaking out until he has to leave the room.

(Why that strikes a weird chord: Quincy kept dissing him until now, and now is lovebombing him? Is that because Vincent finally earned their respect academically or because Quincy is guilty or what? He can usually tell what Q's thinking but it's very opaque to him right now - either because of the TBI or because their history is so extreme. And what usually makes him feel calm and well - ie Quincy - is not working anymore).

Vincent goes downstairs and sleeps on the basement couch. He unlocks this memory -- or is it just an image he constructed to fill the gap? -- of Quincy holding him, the weapon still in their hands, those hands still bloody, their face twisted in a horrific expression he can't even describe.

CH3: 20 grams

(title - from "duck or ape" by roar - but references an old paper that claimed to experimentally calculate the weight of a soul by weighing a person before and after death - they were purportedly 20 grams lighter.)

In the morning, Vincent goes to his own dorm. His chair and desk and bedframe were all burned in the pyre, plus most of his paper and books, so there's just big square sun-stains everywhere and a lot of empty space.

He goes to his bottom shelf, where there's a few empty jars & cans & stolen lab glassware, and puts his old eye in an open beaker. There's a big jug of ethanol under his bed and he pours some in to preserve it. (This has been making the room smell awful by the way). The beaker goes on the shelf next to an array of other trophies (aka student organs) which he'd left as a sort of last display of genius that the world could find after he killed himself.

He goes to the mirror and is unnerved to realize that he's been fully bathed and his hair has been brushed out. He checks all the bruises on his body and tries to recount where he got each one - most are from previous murders and some are from the pyre. Even though he literally just got out of the hospital where he lost an eye, he looks a lot better than in the past few weeks just because he finally got some fucking sleep and idk they probably had him on an IV or something

After that he looks at his eye again with morbid fascination --- he's seen this exact wound on corpses before, but never seen it healing.

He considers taking out his surgery kit and trying to fix the eye. There's this question of if he could repair his damaged eye and see through it again, would he be able to see Quincy the same as he used to? His right eye never saw Quincy betray him. He wonders if Quincy burned themself again after last night - the first time he remembers that knowledge - and tears come even though he's still just standing there absently.

Anyway when he goes back to the shelf to look at his old eye, he frowns at how fucked up it is, and pulls down the bottle next to it instead. In the bottle are two blue eyes. He pulls one out in front of the mirror and presses it into his socket, which is rapidly filling with fluid; it overflows out of the socket as he pushes the eye in. This is agonizing because he's putting an eye covered in ethanol into an open wound.

He stands there looking at himself, still in his jacket, with one finger up to hold the eye in place, for like 10 straight minutes. He recounts all the unbelievable things he's done this year, the way people looked at him a bit differently as he started to get his act together. The way they looked each time he wound up the killing blow. Ambrose's eye still looks completely out of place on Vincent's face.

Everything else that happens!

Quincy & Beatrix

Beatrix was also going to be at the hospital for back up in CH2 apparently. so pretend that happened

Quincy finds out about the preserved eye (idk how lol) and confesses to Beatrix that it creeps them the fuck out. Beatrix assumes it's because it represents Quincy's guilt and tries to reassure them. That makes Quincy feel worse because to be honest they just thought it was disgusting and scary to see their lover's disembodied eye looking back at them from the bottom of a beaker.

Graduation

The three of them are planning on going together and walking through the Ardess Randolphitz graduation gate etc etc. Except all of them are kind of having a trauma reaction to the idea of going to graduation. Less so Quincy, because they missed the pyre graduation speech, but yeah. Nobody likes that.

Vincent thinks about skipping graduation but then checks his mailbox and realizes he failed two of his classes this semester. AN: In my notes it said this: the letter says he has to take an extra course to graduate - he literally cant afford that (used to have a scholarship but obviously broke the contract) so he can't graduate. His family is in China and he cant stomach the thought of explaining everything to them.

(Right before the Pyre scene he mailed a copy of the newspaper accusing him of murder to his family because he wanted his mom to see what he did (/pos??). Then he has this sudden realization that his mom has no idea who Vincent Aurelius Lin is. Not really that relevant to this fic, but I actually consider this canon to the show because I sat backstage and did it every night with the newspaper prop lmao)

Anyway I don't think the graduation logic checks out anymore, I mean he won the Phaethon so he kind of has to graduate lol. Oh well.

Quincy & Vincent

Honestly... I didn't write a lot about what happens with them because one of the central concepts of the fic is that they break up! And unfortunately I seem to have stopped working on this around the time that Quincy reentered the story, so I have no idea what that actual arc was going to look like. Upon revisiting this story though, it's pretty obvious I was just using everyone else as a sounding board for Vincent angst anyway... so that kind of sucks lol

Room situation

Vincent... doesn't have a bed... so he sleeps in the basement of Stutton (?) again. Unlike the months leading up to the pyre where he was completely sleepless (aka restless and unable to stop mentally planning each of his murder schemes and the things he would say about what inspired them after it all came out), he falls asleep really easily now (...because of the TBI). Beatrix encounters him there and heres a quote from my google doc:

B: oh my god. don't tell me you lost your keys again

V: no. i just… dont have anywhere to go

B: … do you want my room key? like ill have to kick you out in the morning but me and portia are pulling an all nighter right now

V: thats not what i meant. (licks lips) beatrix im not graduating

(AN: damn.... where CAN he run........)

B brings V to news room where portia and her are working, planning to use portia as the emotional support dog. this works on portia's end but vincent is not very reactive.

Beatrix is renting a house for the summer and invites Lin to sleep on her couch (upon learning that he planned to squat or get back with Quincy to survive)

Summer: Bea's house

P: Bea, he's a murderer! You're going to let him live in your house? Alone?!

B: Harper, just.... look at him

*The most hollow dead eyed broken toy of a Vincent you've ever seen*

^^^^ this is like the establishing quote of the fic, just vincent looking like that is the whole concept actually. Obviously thats also what I tried to capture with the drawing too

While shes at work he gets very understimulated and he wants to Plot Evilly and hes really really frustrated that he cant (because that project is over and he can't focus)

he used to journal/stalk every day but "lately... i cant even remember whats been happening lately." he has headaches constantly and hasnt written in weeks

he starts chain smoking on her couch (AN: interesting choice sldjfsdkfjdsfls)

she gets back and is upset about this (the smell and he used like all of her cigs)

→ a) he realizes he cant really feel remorse over this (only intellectually he understands it and goes outside)

-> b) he's confused to see her refuse a cig from him. okay bea thats new what are you pulling here

in her office, bea (feeling like she has adopted a stray dog) chews gum while reading a terrified letter from quincy who is about to move

(AN maybe anachronistic that bea would try to quit smoking at this time?? im not sure.)

(Also - not sure if this ever came up explicitly, but in our production, Beatrix is the one who first offered Vincent the occasional smoke back in the day, and instead of ever buying any he mostly grubbed them off her (which you can maybe see at the beginning of little more in love). During the course of canon events he gets more addicted - and if i remember correctly, he also started going through withdrawal at some point, but I dont remember why he quit - I think because he stopped seeing Bea around so he kind of just stopped?? - if anything I guess it's symbolic of Bea kind of setting him up to murder and then disappearing from his life for months. The cigarettes weren't actually in the original script at all.)

vincent paces then goes to the drugstore

while hes there he uses the restroom to stare into his eye hole yada yada

(prior to going to restroom hes dubious about entering mens but its single stall anyway)

buys like a shit ton of cigarettes and pain medicine (which was probably like coke back then idk) and also candy

(cigs are for beatrix because he just wants to be loved…)

Phaethon did not give him any money at all by the way. Maybe this is the part where he should go huh I need a job even if I can't be a doctor

IDK where to put this but also - at some point Vincent finds a horrifying drawing of Quincy killing him, and Bea is like you obviously drew that look at it it's in your style. and he can't remember drawing it but not that he looks around he sees he's actually been drawing little pieces of it everywhere

Beatrix's apology

*giant overwrought Beatrix speech here*

V: (trying to be normal about it) i uh i did try to kill you

B: (also playing cool) yeah sure, so did my dad, join the club

V: sorry?

B: the point is, lin, you were having an episode, and instead of helping you see that i pretty much handed you a bat, spun you around a couple times, and sent you on your merry way

(shaky breath, beat- V feels weird about being described so passively)

Anecdote I wrote last year that I genuinely don't understand anymore OTL

Vincent likes to read possibly?

B: you can read?!

V: (swallows a lump… then sarcastically) oh yeah quincy finally taught me how

(^^^ realize they always bitch at each other by default - he wonders if she would be nicer if he was nicer but probably not)

^^^^^ the book sucks anyway shes like ok go to the bookstore CUE QUINCY

(“ok read your own fucking book” “i can’t” “why” “i burned them”)

AN: like QUINCY WOULD NOT FUCKING SAY THAT jdslkfjdsf who is that what's happening what's going ON

...I think it's Beatrix actually? idk man idk

but OMG im suddenly obsessed with the idea that this is all a bunch of absolutely insane buildup to an exes-to-lovers vincent coffee shop / quincy bookstore au dlskfjdslkfjdslkjfsjfjdsklfsdf

BONUS NOTES

V’s lack of empathy - i think he cant understand other peoples feelings very well? He definitely at the least has to imagine them through incidents in his own life to picture how they feel

People pleasing … & possibly its conflict with the above

Bring back suave vincent :( (AN: I failed)

Masculinity problems…?

Realization that all of his rapports (ie with ambrose and beatrix) are facetious and aggressive. And also baggage with quincy accidentally dissing him all the time. Who will be nice to him :(

Maybe this:

V: "i think i might be autistic"

B: "i dont think youre autistic i think youre a sociopath"

V: "i think i might be both"

^^^^ except thats also pretty anachronistic and kind of silly but i do what i want

ambrose ghost was a representation of his hyperfixation on murder (AN: absolutely insane take. what the fuck)

he probably gets lost in drawing now if he can stomach doing anything

accidental psychiatrist beatrix bc shes really good at cracking people open

themes:

breakup

realization that quincy didnt value him while he was innocent which fucked the relationship but V has trouble justifying it bc now he cant value himself

difficulty feeling remorse for what he did

→ realize you arent accountable for how you feel just for what you do

can you love someone without empathy? (yes)

(stems from asking if q was ever in danger of murder -- obviously not!)

realization that v is actually good at something (art)

Respectability politics - beatrix is trying to make girls/latinas look good. vincent is still in the headspace that hes inferior but starts to think about how frosh vinc would have felt about him now (AN i dont know what i meant by this ldjsf)

becoming ambrose was in a way his idea of proving himself in the world. being gnc and failing his classes was just bc he couldnt "do better"

RECURRING: pulls open his eyelids and tries to see into his brain through the hole

addiction (AN: thats it thats all i said its the word "addiction" sljdkfdslkf. I can only assume because for a while i had an interpretation of vincent as becoming an adrenaline junkie after his first murder - plus then bea got him addicted to cigs and murder)

other char breakthroughs

Bea - yo vincent actually did some fucked up shit

Quincy - living with yourself. realizing you can never reconcile with some people.

Portia - hold on… Bea actually did some fucked up shit...

(sorry this is MASSIVE i thought it would be like 7 bullets)

AND ON THAT NOTE.... Yeah that's what the fic was going to be about. Hope that was fun??? And shoutout to @ceaslesswatcherwhatistboyswag for asking about the abandoned fic and inadvertently prompting this whole post :P

Also. by god please do not take any of this as canon or word of god (except perhaps the newspaper thing...) i beg of you... these are just the post-show ramblings of a man newly deprived of the ability to spend 5 hours a week pretending to be a fruity little murderer. very fun diving back into that time to compile this though 🫀

#adamandi #adamandi musical #vincent aurelius lin #vincent lin #beatrix valeria campbell #beatrix campbell #quincy cynthius martin #quincy martin #ambrose isnt important enough to be tagged sorry #quincy is more of a quincy shaped hole in vincent than a guy in this too #my posts #writing

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twiststreet · 5 months

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Meanwhile in Comic Books: if I understand recent events correctly, and who knows, who gives a shit, but.... Mark Millar (the creator of Trouble, the comic where Aunt May fucks) got so angry that "people" (I only know one name and it's another comic creator) made fun of a comic retailer for putting out some dopey video or another about How Comics Are Bad Now for a (very incoherent) reason on Youtube (incoherent to me, as "reported", but I ain't watching that shit) that Millar became a Comicsgate supporter (or whatever they're calling themselves now)... except while simultaneously saying he's not a Comicsgate supporter...

Except while attacking people he described as "the cancel pigs" (?) who he claims have been terrorizing high profile DC Comics writers... by... doing posts?? (That bit's unclear, but okay; posts; oh well). (No idea who the high profile DC Comics writers are right now either. The guy who writes Captain Carrot? I don't know who).

(And also he's using quote tweets to sort of promote some kind of weird loser theory that the "Cancel Pigs" are actually "paid shills" of some kind of weird PR company's scheme to ... do Comics Evil, you know... for the money that would generate... somehow...???).

Anyways, he then said anyone who is Doing Evil Posts will never get to write Batman... the Ultimate Punishment! Let's assume there've been at least 1,028 issues of Detective Comics since 1939, so ... and assuming each issue had a different writer (which isn't true), and a global population of 8.1 billion people... a Comics Pig is being threatened with being part of ... basically 99.9999873% of Earth's population. I don't know-- it's comics so that's how they always try to police people-- "only the pure and penitent get to writeth the Batman." It works. I mean, it works, so.

(He's doing this while talking to retailers who apparently keep telling him the problem with comics right now isn't politics-- it's that the whole scene is fucking boring. But Millar has the solution-- get John Byrne to write and draw two books a month. It's time to get the 73 year old man to draw 40 pages a month-- it all hinges on that...).

Anyways, then Millar might have tweeted something (that might have gotten deleted or I'm too bored to find it) about how someone was writing a book about the "Cancel Pigs" or the comic terrorism or the badness of posts or something or another... And it turns out that there's some anonymous person is writing some kind of smear attack book that features a photo of Gail Simone and Kelly Sue Deconnick on the cover?? So people were like "oh, he meant that book, he's going after Gail Simone, the war has begun" or whatever the fuck, and Mark Millar said he meant ... he meant an entirely different (print-on-demand Lulu.com?) book that is being written (!!!!!) about comic book industry drama (??!?!?!?), so Gail Simone said everything is hunky dory now. The war has been averted; this is all very sane now hahaha.

And also Mark Waid lost his temper about all of this, or something, but on Blusky, which...??? I mean, I don't know-- all those Blusky codes are too fuck ugly and inelegant to ever be curious what happens there. "Hey, want to get into Blusky? Here's how to do it-- 13295359859.blusky.cobaltirondeathfrombelow.12392389202." You're being weird, Twiki! "You need a code"-- I have a code-- the code of the samurai!!!!!! (Samurai with asthma).

I don't know. American comics have such a massive loser energy around them (myself included)(unless my hair looks good, but today it doesn't), and they're just soaked in these aging dried-up creators with no real new ideas, like... I don't know. I just read manga now. And it's so much better; life's so much better. I cancelled myself from out of comics, and it's great. Highly recommended-- be your own cancel-pig. (I also bought a rice cooker that I'm really happy with this year, the Greenlife rice cooker, but this post isn't about rice)(But should it be?).

In summation: the comics industry's used-up elderly creators and fans are calling each other cancel pigs now, to save comics, and/or to promote books that they are writing, about how secret cabals are keeping comics from being good, for politics, or something. So you know: that's probably a healthy development, or not, whichever.

#worst hobby or worstest hobby?

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ltwharfy · 3 months

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I wanna know what YOU think about Rudy now!!

First Impression

I enjoyed his character from the start in "Carpe Museum"! As I've mentioned before, he reminds me of myself as a kid- I have asthma and allergies and divorced parents. And I enjoyed his relationship with Louise in that episode- to me it was the first time Louise seemed to really connect with one of her classmates on the show (yes, the Pesto Twins are great, but their relationship with Louise doesn't really seem like a friendship of equals.)

Impression Now

He's my favorite recurring character. While he still has the characteristics from "Carpe Museum" that drew me towards him initially, I think he's developed into so much more since then that. I'm glad that they don't play up the asthma as much as they used to, and I enjoy that they've developed his relationships with characters other than Louise- like Gene, Tina, and Zeke. I think he's one of the most developed non-Belcher characters, and he still funny, likeable, and relatable (to me).

Favorite Moment

There's a lot that I love, but I think I have to go back to his fake allergic reaction in "The Kids Rob A Train"- just the fact that he is able to successfully prank Louise says a lot about him and their relationship and its just a genuinely funny moment.

Idea for a Story

I'm hoping that I will write this for See More Seymour's Week, but I would love a story about Mort teaching Rudy to meditate. Rudy's clearly got some stress and anxiety in his life- more than most of the kids on the show- and I think meditation is a great way to address that. It's something that I didn't get into until I was much older, and I really wish I had known about it when I was a kid/teen, so why not give Rudy that chance! Plus, it'd be a fun way to tie both storylines from "Bridge Over Troubled Rudy" together!

Unpopular Opinion

I think he's a lot better at standing up to Louise when he needs to than people give him credit for. Louise can be a bit of a steamroller in her relations with other the other kids on the show, but honestly I think Rudy does as good a job standing up to her as anybody except Tina (who has the big sister card to play, and has a LOT more opportunities.)

"Bridge Over Troubled Rudy" is the best example of this, and the more I think about it, I think Rudy does a really great job of setting boundaries in a mature (for a 9-year-old) way. After Louise's "weenie" comment, he doesn't insult her back or tell her they aren't friends any more, he just asks her to leave. And when the Belchers show up at his mom's house, it doesn't seem like he's still holding a grudge over it, and he accepts Louise's apology. As I wrote about at length elsewhere, one of the things I think is great about Louise and Rudy's relationship is that it evolves over time in ways that reflect them both growing as individuals (after all, they are only 9) and I think Rudy learning to set his boundaries and Louise respecting them is a part of that growth. Post-"Bridge Over Troubled Rudy", I can't think of a time when Louise ropes Rudy in to something he doesn't want to do (like in "House of 1,000 Bounces" or "Mission Impos-slug-ble" previously) and he actually stands up to her on behalf of Arnold and the Pesto Twins in demanding their candy refund when they can't see the stage in "The (Raccoon) King and I".

Also, I just have to mention how much I love Rudy's snarkiness in "The Gene Mile". First, there is him questioning the rest of the group when they say they are continuing to get ice cream "for Gene". Then, there's the moment where Louise keeps talking about how she's riding with one hand and he says "Someone's fishing for a compliment...Good job, Louise." He's tone there just kills me.

In short, Rudy is a genuinely nice kid...but that that doesn't mean he's a pushover or a wimp or incapable of standing up for himself or anything like that.

Favorite Relationship

Yeah, it's Louise. But I would always be happy to see more of him with Gene and Zeke. And I really overthink his relationship with his dad.

Favorite Headcanon

It's not necessarily a fun one, but I like to believe that his parents had him start seeing a therapist after the events of "The Amazing Rudy". Running away from the dinner like that was clearly a cry for help (possibly speaking from personal experience here...) and I'd like to think this his parents are smart enough and care enough to notice that and get him some help.

#thanks for the ask!#character ask game #regular sized rudy #rudy stieblitz #rudolph stieblitz #bob's burgers #headcanon #character analysis #it's possible i think too much about the mental health of this fictional 9 year old boy

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ginga-snappd-offical · 10 months

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Can you share a story about a rude customer?

I don’t get a lot of mean customers anymore at my current job since it’s a small, sort of retirement community place- just a lot of elders who want to talk for awhile which is easy to accommodate when business is slow. A few moms and their kids, sometimes an impulsive teenager looking to get in trouble on purpose because their bored but I don’t really handle those situations.

Most of them were during the pandemic back when I worked at —RETRACTED FAST FOOD PLACE—.

Possibly triggering story undercut? Mentions of coughing up blood, overworking, etc.

We closed off the lobby when we originally didn’t know what was causing the spread of contamination, so imagine sitting down to have your lunch break and some mouth-breathing people pressing their faces against the glass and cussing you out because now they can’t do drugs in the bathroom anymore- which was another thing, we constantly found used needles and dubious things in the trash and tampon disposal boxes in the bathrooms so our manager had to track who was doing it. We were also skeleton crew’d by corporate and we couldn’t keep up with orders because our customer base basically quadrupled overnight since all the sit down restaurants had shut down in that area, so oftentimes Uber orders got backed up, and the line would wrap around the building twice. I lost a lot of hair and gained a lot of weight while working there due to stress, bad diet, and constant overtime. It aggravated my asthma and GERD symptoms to the point where anytime I get sick now, even with the help of my stomach pump inhibitor meds, I cough up a bit of blood. It’s not a time of my life I like to remember and I never want to go back to that. I can’t pinpoint one specific bad customer, maybe the woman who threw hot fries in my face because they weren’t hot enough? I had one customer who I do miss, he was deaf and would patiently write conversations with me back and forth on a notepad through the drive through window. Miss you guy.

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hijirikaww · 11 months

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I'm taking u up on that offer to talk about ateez. Tho can't be categorized as talking because I'm not talking I'm screaming. IN ANY CASE. I watched today's stage 🤍 Bless me. And it's no surprise to us that ateez have always had incredible stage presence! BUT it's the same for when we say they just keep getting better and better with every comeback. Like how do you already top being ontop alrdy? Not only to they manage to outdo themselves every album with every title track, the mv and choreo, but they improve literally in every aspect. They just keep evolving and I'm here for every step of the way! But you literally cannot expect me, a normal breathing folk with asthma (I've outgrown it but point stands), to withstand there insanity. Like they gotta let us catch up! They're like casually strolling themselves to world domination and we're on their trail! But we're literally sprinting after them tired and breathing heavy lmao. We're dedicated and determined that way. OFF TRACK I ACTUALLY CAME HERE TO TALK TO U ABOUT UYOUNG. He's always been so eye capturing. His features (okay but all of atz.. I just.. Nvm let's focus on uyoung) BUT HIS SMILE TODAY. THAT FOX SMILE GOT ME GIGGLING AND RUNNING LAPS. I'M SO OVERWHELMED :( HIS EYES ARE LURING ME IN and he's SO UNBELIEVABLY ATTRACTIVE and HIS PRESENCE IS SO CHARMING. His undoing my existence 🙈 and Choi san. He's.. Choi San. And Yeosang energy is strangling me. Mingi is trampling all over me. Jongho has me weak and in the palm of his hand. And Yunho, God Yunho! How and where and what and why! But Yunho. Can someone like him even be real? And matz, they're on a whole other level. Seonghwa rapping is no surprise and him being amazing at it even more not surprising. He's literally so AMAZING. AND OUR ALL ROUNDED talented captain. Hongjoong outdoing himself this comeback. Only ateez can outdo ateez 🤍 they make me so proud. And so pathetic sometimes

🫶🏻 The End

Doing this back to front, but Hii. I hope ur doing well on another blessed day of living in a time wher we coexist with ateez 🤗 take care of urself too kk🤭

Omg hii thank you for coming to my inbox to share all of these thoughts with me, you are so right!!!!

Every single comeback I have two feelings; on the one hand I simply KNOW that they are going to outdo themselves once again, and I cannot wait to see what they do next. On the other hand after every single comeback I am like ??????????? How are they ever going to beat that??? Heck last year was a freaking rollercoaster where they dropped one badass album after album after single after album after single..... oml. Just the thought that we will get to continue to experience this for years to come is such a blessing?!?

I have legit had the album on repeat non stop on spotify ever since it came out. It is so good, so catchy and such a bop! What I find even more incredible this time around is that there really is no distinction of awesomeness between the songs? Mostly we got at least some fluffy songs and some badass ones together on one album, but this time around ATEEZ decided to release just straight fire 0O0 wooo!!

I showed my bf the mv (and he is NOT fond of kpop) and he was very seriously impressed by the video!! The music might not be his things but he was adorably hooked to the screen as he watched it <3

You speak of us fans having trouble keeping up - they really don't make it easy for us!!! Just how many things do they want to do at the same time???? They are filming shows left and right, doing their tours on and on and on and fansigns and singles and full comebacks like- how are they learning new choreos AND recording AND writing AND producing songs not only for ATEEZ but also Xickers?!!?!?!? Excuse me but do these guys even have time to sleep nowadays?? I really don't know how they do it. Seriously though, the sheer amount of times they have dropped a single out of the blue without saying a word of warning about it is getting out of hand by now.

AND THEIR JAPANESE SINGLES ARE SUCH BOPS HOW?! IT ISN'T EVEN YOUR FIRST LANGUAGE YA CRAZY BEANS

About Wooyoungie... I have been fighting for my life to resist his charm, and he isn't letting anyone off the hook easily!! How do they all just get more and more gorgeous by the day?? Genuinely it has been such a blessing to get to see them all growing up into full adults, and something tells me that they haven't even finished maturing yet (not that their minds will ever probably XD). Sometimes you can just see in their faces how they will look when they are older, and they will only become even more stunning I swear we have no rest in this world whatsoever. And San and Yeo bulking up? holy moly.

And omg yes hi XD I am doing alright! I hope you are too, drink and eat plenty okay?? You deserve all the best ^_^

#ask!#yayy #uwu #foreshadxw #ateez #Emmy blabbers #thank you so much for ranting with me!! Stop by any time #Happy emmy times #:3

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ariesattack61 · 2 years

Text

Accept Learn How Easy Of Death

funeral booklet funeral program template funeral program templates funeral program template Since time passes so fast, they need to make every day count. One on the exercises I conduct in my seminars is the process of writing your own obituary. What good fortune written about you when you quit? I challenge you to take a short while and write private personal obituary. It do not have to say a person can became President or that you solved the problem of world meals.

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Treatments of Eczema for Sister #2. In comparison Sister #2 from birth grew via a diet of cooked foods similar to the most of the people living in Europe and also the US instantly. She was fed milk, meat, white bread, soda, sweets, cakes vitamin supplements and prescription medications. Sister #2 experienced frequent colds, suffered with Eczema, Asthma, pneumonia, poor eyesight, cataracts, heart disease, arthritis subsequently cancer. Biologically she was doomed. Emotionally she was aggressive and angry towards others. Her children also suffered with poor well. She died early from cancer too autopsy revealed extensive degeneration of all organs, all glands and tissue in her own body. She lived an unhappy and unhealthy life. The trouble with this would be that people donrrrt have much selection. The only person legally authorized to transport the deceased from location of death to a crematory or funeral home is often a Licensed Funeral Director. I have a great deal of wish in this particular area. Having endured recurrent miscarriages for years, I check out the pain of couples that deal with. I have had a few chemical pregnancies around the 6 week mark, blighted ovum discovered on a 8 week ultrasound, also as a really late miscarriage at seventeen.5 weeks that caused a good of pain and pain. ODescription of your relationship with each contact particular. While knowing who the sales person contacted is important, much more important will be the relationship established with one. Sales managers can analyze the relationship aspects on the process. The two areas to measure everyone contact individual is their degree of influence doing the buying decision and their level of commitment for any solution being adopted. Heavily influential buyers that are not heavily dedicated to your solution being adopted and the converse scenario are two of the significant reasons deals are lost. I selected a newspaper instead. And there it was on the obituaries page: "Died this week, Sidney Sheldon: grand master of commercial fiction". Has been put rather delicately, I thought. The obituary was quite instructive. More so than the Sheldon novel I had taken a crack every.

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Just like a precaution you need to have somebody else - preferably someone who isn't quite as deeply emotionally involved, a family group friend perhaps - poised to control and finish reading should you be overcome. You won't need it, but their presence could be reassuring. After all, the grass always looks greener on the other hand. Until we have to mow so it. We can choose to renew ourselves right here and at the moment and, in so doing, renew our relationship.

#funeral program

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spilledkauffie · 2 years

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Hey Kauffie! I notice your request are open and I was wondering if you could write something about Bucky Barnes and a reader with asthma. I wander how he’d react considering pre-serum Steve had the same issues and Bucky seemed to be very protective and worried about it. I’d prefer if it was a headcanon but if you’d rather do something else I’m here for it! Thank you in advance <3

Hey there! Sorry this is so late, here they are ❤ (disclaimer: I do not have asthma, and apologies for inaccuracies)

He's very very protective — because he's had a best friend who was allergic and/or susceptible to just about literally everything, he knows what it's like to have someone very close to him need medications or frequent checkups and he’s very comfortable in a relationship that requires such attention– in fact he feels he was specially prepared for it. However, since people used to make fun of Steve, he's used to being a defender. Thus when anyone makes a comment about it he can jump to being more aggressively protective than necessary, instead of realising that some people are innocently curious or want to know because it could help you in certain situations. So, sometimes he gets a little embarrassed for jumping to conclusions about people’s intentions when asking about it. BUT on the other hand it can be nice to have that around when people rudely or way too personally question you about something they don’t need to be in on.

While he knows a few things, he learns a lot — times have changed, and so has modern medicine. Even though he's up on a lot of things, the small and more domestic things he's still catching up on in some departments. That's why you're so shocked when he asks if you need more archaic treatments. You explain how treatments have changed and what medicine / treatments you're currently on. // He's never seen an inhaler before so he's highly fascinated by it when you break it down to him, "that. . . is. . . amazing," Bucky says, examining it, making you laugh at just how interested he is. He's also really shocked at the options and medications available, again coming from a time when minimal options were available. It makes him really happy that there seems to be more opportunity and study on the condition.

Nevertheless, Bucky still worries — He made it his number one priority to know your personal triggers (when you feel comfortable to share). He gets worried when you do anything of high activity that could possibly trigger an attack, but since he's over protective, "activity" means something very different to you than to him. He gets worried about you “walking too fast” or going up the stairs, coming halfway down only to remember you forgot something upstairs, it gives him anxiety! “Heyyy, why don’t you let me get that,” he calls from the bottom of the stairs, hand already on the bannister. / You glance around, half turned, “but I’m already halfway up the stairs?” / “Yeahh, I know,” Bucky smiles, “but…” / “Bucky,” you drop your shoulders realising what he’s getting at, “I’m fine,” you continue up the stairs.

↳ when you're at the mall and walk past Bed, Bath & Beyond he gets worried the fragrances will upset your breathing and if you much as cough he'll start waving his hands as if to disperse the smells away from you and he grumbles, exclaiming, "demon perfume, not everyone wants to smell like you!" Because of your sensitivity, he also only buys a cologne that you approve of and that isn't so strong. // He's the same when the weather suddenly changes, or if you have more trouble with a particular season. He wants to do everything he can, but with weather it's a little harder, obviously! But that doesn't stop him; Bucky will bring in a humidifier or a fan, depending on how the air is to try and even out the atmosphere for what best accommodates you. He'll also seal the windows so no pollen gets in as much as he can help it.

He learns the emergency protocol / rest days — if things begin to get really intense and/or dangerous, Bucky knows what to do. If you need your inhaler, or if you need oxygen therapy, or even go to the doctor, Bucky is on it and supporting you all the way. He tries to do his best to calm you down and ease your mind, assuring you that it's going to be okay. He wants to be aware if there are any changes, that way he can be your reminder and help best he can. // On days where you need to take it easy, Bucky’s perfectly down to chill with you for hours. He’ll order in your favourite food and collect all the favourite blankets so you can be comfortable and watch your favourite films, maybe play some of your favourite video games.

Sometimes you worry it's a burden — Bucky is a very active individual, runs, jogs, etc. are some of his daily activities, even though he’s a super soldier he still enjoys normal exercise. Sometimes you wonder if it bothers him that you can’t do a bunch of high activity hobbies, but of course Bucky always assures you that it doesn’t bother him one bit, in fact you actually help remind him to take it easy and even learn to relax a little more than he has before. He also eventually discloses with you his experience with helping Steve before the serum and how he feels it was something that prepared him to help you, and he’s beyond thankful that he could be a part of your life.

#bucky barnes hcs #bucky barnes headcanon #bucky barnes #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky headcanon #bucky barnes hc #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky hcs #bucky headcanons #bucky barnes headcanons #bucky #james buchanan barnes #asthma reader #asthma

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celeste-clearwater-06 · 3 years

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Hello! I was wondering if you could please write something about how the Fellowship (+ Thorin?) Would help a s/o who's Disabled and Chronically ill. Like she has a lot of symptoms like chronic pain, chronic fatigue, difficulty sleeping, difficulty breathing at times, difficulty walking at times, higher sensitivity to the cold, difficulty talking at times, and anxiety, depression and executive dysfunction?

I've been really struggling with my chronic illnesses lately, namely my Autism, Anxiety, Sleep Apnea, a really bad Overbite, Raynaud's Syndrome, Asthma, etc, so I'd really appreciate an Imagine like this. I have a really weird disorder where one of my legs is longer than the other, and it's been causing me a lot of pain and difficulty walking lately, and people have been bullying me for it a lot too, so I could really use a Comfort Imagine right now. Thanks so much hun!!

It's no problem! I'm glad I can provide some comfort!! For each character, I'll use a specific struggling area, to make it a bit easier!! I hope I got these accurate enough, and of there are any mistakes, feel free to point them out!! You are strong, beautiful and so, so amazing!! Keep being you!! ❤❤

Help (The Fellowship// Thorin x Fem!Reader)

Aragorn (Autism)

Aragorn has known you for a long time, so helping with your autism is not new for him

He's particularly experienced in reading your emotions and meeting your needs, whether it's helping you out of stressful situations or calming you down, he's there 🥺

If there are large and boisterous gatherings in Rivendell, its almost guaranteed that you can become over-stimulated quickly, and Aragorn immediately senses this (spidey senses õoõ)

He's fast to find your hand and give it a gentle squeeze of reassurance

If that doesn't seem to help, he'll instantly stop what he's doing and take you out of the room

If you're someone who prefers lots of space and little physical contact, he is 100% respectful of this and asks if you'll let him touch or hug you (very much gentleman 😌)

If ever you're confronted by someone of importance, Aragorn is right by your side to ease some of the tension

Sometimes there are things you find difficult to say or get out of your system

The king seems to know exactly what it is and will help you out by saying it or asking you simple questions that you can easily answer

And he always reminds you, no matter WHAT

YOU ARE NOT STUPID 😤😡

You may struggle with some parts of your life, but every day, he's constantly telling you that you're very intelligent and kind

His patience is unending and he'll never let you think down on yourself

Overall, Aragorn is always someone and reminding you that it's all going to be okay ❤❤

Legolas (Anxiety)

Most nights, Legolas keeps watch (since elves don't require much sleep) and notices that you jolt awake out of the random

Now, most of the Fellowship notices that you're usually awake and ready to go before anyone else

But Legolas is really the one to address you first

You were a bit nervous to explain, since you didn't want to worry him or the great of the fellowship, amount the other disadvantages you have

He gently encouraged you, and finally, you explained to him your sleep apnea

Yeah, he was very concerned

I mean, his blue eyes widened with terror when you told him that you could basically die in your sleep if you weren't attentive enough 🙃

Legolas, from now on, sleeps directly next to you, or keeps extra careful watch over you at night

Because he could NEVER see his precious mortal friend become injured... Or worse 🥺🥺❤

The other members had noticed a change in his behaviors towards you as well...

Gimli teased him whenever he caught Legolas giving you some extra lembas bread or offered to carry you 👉👈

You really tried to assure Legolas that it wasn't a big deal when you were awake, since you're aware of your breathing situation

But still 😤

Legolas will always bring you comfort and take great care of you, and that will NEVER CHANGE

Because he loves you very much ❤🦋

Frodo (Anxiety)

Frodo is familiar with the feeling of great anxiety, seeing he had a stress-free life while living in the Shire and suddenly was forced to carry a piece of jewelry all the way to giant ass volcano

It's easy for you two to comfort each other and seek refuge in thoughts and feelings ❤

He's not super comfortable with the thought of you having a panic attack though...

Only because he's never had one

It starts to give him a panic attack whenever you have one around him the first time 😳-

Any time you begin to breathe heavy or hyperventilate, halfling boy is hot at your heels, rubbing your back and reminding you to breathe gently

(So many hugs, if you're up for it)

After you calm down, he's constantly checking on you, asking if you need anything etc.

Really, he just wants to know if he can help 🥺

And even with the weight and stress of carrying the ring, Frodo manages to cheer you up somehow

Samwise (Asthma)

Sam has never had to deal with asthma once in his life

He's very nervous when the subject is brought, afraid it might trigger something inside of you 🥺👉👈

But you just chuckle, assure him that it's alright, and you have ways of keeping it under control

And now, he wants to know everything about it, just to have the awareness in case something happens

Sam just wants to protect you forever, and this was a great way for him to start

He constantly reminds Aragorn that you'll need breathing breaks and will convince Gandalf to let you ride on his horse

He'll scold Pip and Merry if they are trying to drag you around and be silly, because as he says

"You'll rouse him/her/them up! We can't have Y/N gettin injured!" 🤨😠

Sam is MOM

As always, he's very kind and always makes sure your needs are met ❤🥺

Pippin and Merry (Raynaud's Syndrome)

Very confused halfings 🤔

Also extremely concerned!

You were eating one of the lesser pleasurable nights

It was cold and rainy, and a fire couldn't be started, not to mention the quiet arguments of Aragorn and Gandalf in the nearby woods

And Pip's eyes widened when he saw the tips of your petite fingers begin to pale upon hearing Aragorn mention Orcs

"What's wrong with your hands?!" He squeaked, pointing towards your now white-colored fingertips

You hadn't even noticed, nor felt, considering they were numb anyways

Merry looked over his cousin's shoulder and his eyes also widened, not with fright, but wonder

They were both fascinated with your condition, convinced that you were casting some spell Gandalf showed you

Although you reassured them it was just an extremely frustrating inconvenience that you had, among other things

So from then on, the disastrobus duo did their best to keep you out of the cold (and stressful situations!!)

As a distraction, the pair will tell you great stories of the shire, doing little dances and skits that always cheer you up 🥴

Sometimes, they can be a little rambunctious though...

Merry will pick up on this fact quickly, and nudge Pippin to get him to calm down

Even though it may not feel the best

They find your syndrome absolutely fascinating!! 🤔🤔

All in all, these two are always up for keeping your beautiful smile on your face and your spirits high!! ❤🌺

Boromir (Depression)

Throughout the journey, Boromir has always found an easy way to make you smile

After all, he himself has a fascinating way of brightening anyone's spirits

Yours included ❤

Boromir may not have great stories from The Shire, like Pip and Merry, but he sure has a lot of positive things to say

He'll often suggest sparring with the two troublemaking halflings, just so you can see him goof up and get knocked over 🥺

If the nights become cold and weary, he'll give you a warm hug or a nudge on the shoulder

And a few words of helpful encouragement along the lines of;

"Don't fret Y/N. You have more strength than you'll ever know."

"Let our spirits never dampen! We've come this far!" 😊

He's also an incredible listener

Boromir wants to hear what you have to say if you ever need to rant or get something off of your chest

And don't think for a second that he would ever judge you 😤

Son of Gondor sees past all of your insecurities and knows you for your beautiful, amazing self ❤❤

Gimli (Walking disadvantages)

As you travel across great plains and mountains, your limp doesn't go unnoticed by Gimli

It may take him a while to open up about it, since he's afraid he might offend you in some way

And once he asks you, you inform him that it's a difficulty that unfortunately cannot be changed any time soon

And where you come from, lots of people tease and bully you about it

He did NOT handle it well 😳

"wHAT BLUBBERING DULL-MINDED PIGNUTS-" 🤬

Although this Dwarf is short and a bit slow at times

He's fascinatingly strong 😳

And so, he makes it his duty to be your designated carrier 🥺

At first, your a tad skeptical...

I mean, he's only around 4 feet tall...

BUT HAVE YOU SEEN HIM THROW THAT HUGE AX AROUND?!

Gimli will happily carry you great distances when you need a break, and even longer

(Sometimes it's just to show off around the others-)

"Gimli, are you sure you don't want a break?"

"Aye lass! The strength of Dwarves is unending!" 😌

*struggling to breathe*

11/10, fantastic dwarf, will never let you down!!

Thorin (Executive Dysfunction)

Another Dwarf??

Absolutely

Thorin himself has trouble keeping composure with his time management (and sense of direction 🙄)

This means that he'll have an undying amount of patience for you and you only

There's just something about you that he fond of, and it fills in that little sassy, brooding place in his heart

Can also relate to you whenever you grow frustrated at the setback of your journey or lack of sleep

Is 100% willing to help you find your lost belongings (and once again, ONLY YOU)

Thorin will literally make the whole traveling party stop so that you can put something in your bag and make sure that you put it somewhere you'll remember

Always happy to give you extra gentle reminders of keeping your pack closed

The company is utterly SHOCKED with how he treats you

I mean, this man has always been extremely stubborn and hard headed

But when you show up, it's another person he can easily relate and share frustrations with

Also a master at organization?!? 🤔

The one thing he could do successfully was organizing the damn journey and traveling company, so ofc he's gonna be good at that 😂

Yeah, Thorin definitely has a soft spot for you

King under the mountain will never run out of patience and kindness for you 😌💙

Sorry these took so long!! I hope you like them!! ❤❤

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my-random-thoughts-about-lu · 3 years

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Hey!

What're your thoughts about many of the Chain having disabilities?

Like, Hyrule or Sky have chronic illnesses, Sky probs has asthma, Four was misdiagnosed with Schizophrenia and MPD until someone realised he really had 4 people inside of him, Wild is an amnesiac, of course, but also can't feel most of the pain inflicted in him by enemies, Legend and Wind having austism or ADHD or both... I have a lot more options. What are your own opinions on the matter?

So I did say that I headcanon to have ADHD so there is that. Also a lot of trauma but that is to be expected with 6 adventures.

...for the others..

Twilight gets sensory overloads from time to time. I saw some posts pointing out that he just has a pitch black room in his house and that that could be his safe space. You know to calm down from the overloads. Just laying in the dark for a while. Considering that he had the room before hand, I think he had the overloads since birth and they just got stronger with the wolf sense's. The wolf pet could be something to help ground him, with the wight and all.

For Wild there is (obviously) the amnesia and I agree that he doesn't feel the attacks completely anymore. At least on the places where his scar's are. He alo has sometime trouble remember new things...s he writes everything down in the sheikah slate and takes a lot of photo's. Plus, Flora likes the notes and photo's too..

Hyrule is see more with like paranoia for new people...because of all the uuhh monsters trying everything to get his blood and shit..

I think that Four would have autism tbh. When Link split each of the colours ended up on different parts on the spectrum. Vio being the highest on the spectrum of the four. Blue having OCD with it. Making him lool look he was higher, Vio is also good at hiding it.

I could see Wind having abandoned issue's but was able to work on it already. Like he spend some time with Aryll and his grandma before going with Tetra. Plus, Tetra helps. He would always visit sometimes..just to be sure...

Time has own OCD. Not like Blue were everything has to be clean and proper. He has this thing were he can tell the time down to the second. Even be able to know how many minutes 4 weeks would be....or seconds...seems useful on paper, but that means he know how long each loved one was away each time...and he WILL know when you have been late for 15 minutes 45 second..46 seconds..He also, by default, will start remembering peoples routine's and habit's.

For Warriors I saw a fanfic the other day (...yesterday..) that he would still be writing reports even though he doesn't need to. Plus, so issue's with his ego that he is working on. When you have to high of something and then learns it is not healthy. They will try to go a 180 decree's . He also has worked on it a lot already.

Sky has asthma but is really good at dealing with it. But he still hates running..

Thanks for the ask! Does are mine but your's are just as valid! ^^

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harvestleaves · 3 years

Text

Parent’s Nightmare

Prompts: @parkshan820:Hey I was wondering for your out of breath series (which I love by the way) if you could write about T.K’s first asthma attack when he was young and how Owen would react? I would love to see that 😀

anon: Maybe you could do a story about TK's first asthma attack? Like when he was a kid? You mention it briefly in your first story and I thought it would be cute to see! We'd get Little TK!

A/N: Owen’s been kind of a shit dad this season to TK, so here’s me pretending he’s not an ass for a few minutes. Also, this is my reasoning as to why TK finds hoodies comforting. You can also read this on Ao3 here!

Rating: G

Word Count: 1,660

Every time Owen saw TK gasping for air, it reminded him of the first attack he’d ever seen. It was back in October of 2000, almost one full year before 9/11 and, up until that fateful day, Owen was sure that watching TK wake him up in the middle of the night unable to breathe was the scariest moment of his life.

October 2000

Six-year-old TK grinned as he wormed his way out of his mom’s arms to throw himself towards where Owen was talking with one of the other firefighters in the house.

“Dad!”

Owen raised an eyebrow when he heard TK’s voice and smiled when he got a sudden armful of his son, nodding to Gwyn when she handed him TK’s overnight bag before she headed out.

“TK, hey kiddo. How was school?”

“It was okay. We get to go to the Bronx Zoo for our field trip next week! I hope we get to see the tigers!! Mommy said you can come and chap-chap...help watch,” TK grinned, bouncing in place from the excitement of the upcoming trip.

“Mommy said I was gonna chaperone?! I’m sure I can do that for my favorite son,” Owen smiled as he peppered kisses over TK’s cheeks.

“Daaad!! I’m your only son,” TK laughed at the kisses, squirming away to try and avoid the kisses before his laughs started turning into coughs, causing him to wince as he caught his breath.

Owen immediately stopped his movements, his brows pulling together in concern as he watched TK’s coughing fit calm down, gently rubbing over his son’s back.

“You okay kiddo? That was some coughing fit.”

TK nodded with a painful swallow as he finally got his breathing under control.

“Yeah, I think I choked on spit. It was yucky,” TK said with a wrinkle of his nose after a moment of thought. Though to be honest, he knew it was from laughing too hard, the same issue happening whenever he was laughing too hard or running with his friends at recess.

“If you’re sure,” Owen sighed softly, knowing his son wasn’t a good liar, but he trusted him to let him know if he wasn’t feeling too well.

“I’m sure dad! What’s for dinner?” TK asked curiously, hoping that changing the subject would be enough to get Owen off of his case.

Surprisingly for TK, it worked when Owen responded with “pizza,” knowing that the kid would be pleased with the suggestion of his favorite food.

“Really? Yes!” TK grinned, bouncing excitedly for a moment before quickly controlling himself, not wanting to set off another coughing fit.

“Can I go watch a movie until dinner?” TK asked his dad hopefully, knowing they were probably going to get a call soon anyways with how busy the city seemed to be that day.

“Sure kiddo, you can watch Aladdin with the probie,” Owen smiled as he led TK up the stairs to the common area, smiling as his kid ran over to his favorite firefighter, Luca.

“Luca!” TK grinned as he practically launched himself into the man's arms, letting out a sigh of content at the hug he received.

“Hey kiddo, I heard you’re staying the night. I take it you’re excited?” Luca asked with a smile as he reached down to ruffle TK’s hair, looking up at Owen when the older man smiled fondly at them.

“Yeah! Dad said we can watch a movie until dinner!” TK nodded as he pulled back from the hug before jumping onto the couch, not noticing his dad pull Luca to the side.

“Hey Cap, what’s up?”

“Hey, probie. It’s probably nothing, but Ty was coughing earlier after I made him laugh. But it wasn’t a normal cough. They were really wheezy and he sounded like he couldn’t catch his breath. It’s probably just a cold, but could you keep an eye on him?” Owen asked, hoping he didn’t sound too overprotective. He knew kids were germ magnets, and he didn’t want to worry too much, but there was a small part of him that had a gut feeling something was really wrong.

“Sure, of course. You know I love that kid like a little brother. Plus, I got my EMS certification yesterday. If anything goes wrong, I’m ready,” Luca smiled, patting Owen reassuringly on the shoulder before he sat on the couch with TK, smiling as the kid snuggled up to him.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Four hours later, and stuffed full of pizza, TK collapsed onto the couch again next to Luca, stifling a small yawn as the twenty-one-year-old laid a blanket over him. “You want to head to bed kiddo? You seem sleepy.”

“Noooo, we were gonna watch ‘nother movie,” TK whined softly as he rubbed his eyes, blinking tiredly up at Luca again before he pressed his face against the other’s chest to hide a yawn.

Hiding a laugh, Luca nodded before he turned on Hercules, letting TK snuggle close when he felt the kid shiver.

“Are you cold still? Hold on,” Luca pulled away from TK for a moment to tug off his hoodie and handed it to TK, smiled when the kid pulled it on, the sleeves falling over his hands as he pushed the hood back off of his head.

“Thank you,” TK yawned, his hair sticking up in multiple places as he snuggled back up to Luca, the firefighter awing softly as TK fell asleep halfway through the movie, scooping him up in the blanket to carry him to Owen’s bunk, setting him down next to the older man, who was sitting up reading.

“Thanks, Luca. I think you’re his favorite,” Owen smiled as he tucked the blanket around TK.

“Trust me, if Matt and I were ready for kids, We’d adopt TK in a heartbeat,” Luca smiled, reaching down to ruffle TK’s fluffy hair before heading to his own bunk to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~

It was two in the morning when TK woke up. Though it didn’t immediately register to him what was wrong until he tried to take a deep breath and it caught in his lungs, causing him to start coughing, eyes wide as he reached up to clutch at his chest, the breath completely knocked out of him.

Looking around wildly, his gaze fell on his dad and he shook Owen’s arm desperately to try and wake him up.

“D-dad,” TK blinked back tears as he managed to get the word out, hoping it was loud enough as he leaned forward, just barely catching the scent of Luca’s cologne on the hoodie, the smell soothing him ever so slightly as he squeezed his eyes shut.

Owen jolted awake at the shaking to his arm and sat up, his eyes darting around in panic to see what woke him up before he heard the ragged wheezing coming from his son.

“TK! Ty, look at me kiddo, are you having trouble breathing?” Owen asked, his voice sounding much more frantic than he’d wanted it to as he helped TK sit up, turning the light on above the bunk to get a better look at him.

TK was paler than normal, his eyes wide with fear as he looked up at his dad, mouth wide as he gasped for breaths that weren’t coming. “D-dad. C-can’t br-breathe,” he managed to choke out, tears welling up in his eyes as the panic finally settled in.

Owen almost smacked himself at how long it took him to get out of the bed after propping TK up against the wall, but for a brief moment, he was paralyzed. Completely unable to do anything except watch as his son suffocated in front of his eyes, the scariest moment of his life since becoming a parent.

His legs were on autopilot as he located Luca’s bunk across the room, turning the light on above him as he shook his shoulder.

“Luca! Probie, wake up! Tyler can’t breathe.”

Luca’s eyes shot open at those words and he sat up, grabbing for his stethoscope next to the bunk and looping it around his neck as he got up and made his way over to TK.

“Sit behind him. Put his back against your chest,” Luca commanded Owen as he sat down gently in front of TK.

“Hey kiddo, your dad said you’re having a little trouble breathing, can you lean forward for me?” Luca said, his voice immediately dropping to the gentle voice he saved for children and animals, in that order.

TK blinked a few times before he nodded and let Luca listen to his lungs, his shoulders heaving with every gasping breath he took.

“He’s wheezing. Everything is pointing to an asthma attack, but we won’t know until he gets looked at. Can you carry him down to the ambulances?”

“Asthma? TK doesn’t have asthma,” Owen frowned as he looked down at his son before nodding and moving to pick him up, holding him close as he followed the paramedic downstairs and to the ambulance.

“Alright TK, your dad is gonna set you down and we’re gonna take a little ride to the hospital. Can we take the hoodie off so I can put some stickers on your chest?” Luca asked gently as he started to grab the supplies for a breathing treatment.

TK shook his head rapidly at the idea of removing the sweatshirt. “N-no. S-safe,” he choked out before coughing again, tears starting to fill his eyes.

Luca’s eyes softened before he nodded knowingly. “It makes you feel safe? Okay kiddo, we can keep it on for now, but lemme just stick these to you really quick,” he explained, getting the monitors onto TK before slipping the mask over his face for the breathing treatment.

“Don’t worry kiddo. We’re not going anywhere. You’re gonna be just fine,” Owen whispered softly to TK as he sat next to the gurney, holding his son’s hand tightly, worried that something worse would happen if he let go or looked away.

#tk strand #owen strand #911 lone star #911 lone star fanfic #out of breath series

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itskateak · 3 years

Text

Mint Ice Cream & Bubblegum Kisses - Chapter Six

(Bucky Barnes x Single Dad!Reader)

Chapter Summary: Bucky offers to help Y/N take Peter Parker and Angelica out for the day since they've been causing chaos and getting into trouble. The hiking trail behind the compound seems like the perfect place.

Word Count: 3.8K

Warnings: Some Language (Sam and Bucky were military men shh), Sam Wilson being a great friend and actual character instead of a 2D support, Anxiety attack, Mentions of time-correct homophobia, Fluff, Sam and Bucky being Bros, Sam Wilson being an Ally

A/N: For those who don't know, my best friend is in the hospital and I had to take a break from being online and writing for a bit. He's doing great right now and is getting much better :) - also, I know I have a thing for Bucky and that log crossing a river. Okay just let it happen. It's cute.

And as a final side note, I really hope I’m putting more character into Sam Wilson. I wanted to expand on Bucky and Sam’s friendship more in this chapter and to build Sam as an actual character. I’ve read countless stories where he’s just a prop to get Bucky and the reader together or to just be Best Friend to Bucky and go along with anything. Sam Wilson is his own person and I really, really hope that he’s got some life in him in this one. Feedback on that would be nice if anyone wants to give it :)

Taglist is open! PM me, send an ask, or @ me on a chapter to let me know you’d like to be tagged! Strikethrough means I couldn’t tag you, but I will send you a message with a link to the new chapter when I update. :)

Masterlist

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Y/N checked his messages quickly, head tilted as he waited for it to update. Over weekends, he decided to work three hours each day to make sure nothing important and time-sensitive came in. He was close to the end of those three hours, which wasn't eventful at any point. Just low-level information relating to other movements that he'd already taken note of earlier that week.

He watched the few messages come in and glanced over them. Nothing seemed to be important other than Gamora saying that they would be stopping by to drop off Peter Quill for a recovery period. Something about an injury he gained through his own stupidity. He responded with a confirmation and said that Monday afternoon would be best since the landing strip would be clear.

"Do you have a minute?" Bucky called from the doorway. He smiled, but it looked a little forced. His posture was closed off and he looked physically tense.

"Always. What's up?" Y/N pushed away from his desk and closed the programs on his screen since he didn't need them anymore.

"Uh...I'm kind of...having an anxiety attack or something." Bucky said though it sounded more like he was questioning himself. He ducked his head sheepishly for a moment. "And Steve and Sam are not here and I dunno what to do."

"Oh. Okay." Y/N was taken by surprise for a moment. "Uh, come on in. Let's see if we can calm you down."

Bucky nodded and sat rigidly on the edge of the couch, his arms wrapping around his stomach. His fingers bunched up the fabric of his shirt and he gasped suddenly. He cracked a slight smile and snorted. "Didn't realize I was holding my breath."

"Breathing's important, Bucky. Do you know what set this off?" Y/N asked, pulling his chair up to the side of his desk and giving his full attention to Bucky.

"Loud noise. Not even sure what it was. It took me off-guard and...then I fell off the obstacle course." Bucky grimaced and took a deep breath, his eyes closing for a moment. "I...have a fear of fallin'. Ever since I fell off the train."

"Is it the height or the feeling of falling itself?"

"The feel. I hate it." Bucky wrinkled his nose up in disgust. "I can still remember the feeling of my stomach in my throat."

"Hey, don't think about that. No need to get yourself even more worked up." Y/N paused, trying to find a random question to distract him with for a little bit. Maybe taking his mind off the things causing him anxiety would help calm him down. "Tell me about something Steve did in school. Did he ever get into big trouble?"

"Oh, yeah. This one time - it was like sixth grade, I think - he nearly got us suspended for a week. Johnny Sarsburg, a boy in our class who picked on Stevie for being short, was this tall and burly kid. Real jerk of a guy." Bucky moved his arms and laced his hands together. He leaned forward, resting his forearms on his thighs. "One day, Steve got fed up with all the nicknames. Shorty Stevie, Munchkin Man...they went on and on. So, Stevie stood up to him. Thank God I was there, though."

"Don't tell me he tried to kick this kid's ass."

"He tried to kick the kid's ass." Bucky nodded with a tone full of disappointed frustration.

"Oh, no." Y/N snickered behind his hand.

"So, it was recess and Johnny came up to us. Stevie tried to hide behind me for a second, but I shoved him away. Johnny started picking at him and picking at him. Steve straightened up and clenched his fists, looked Johnny in the eye, and said: I may be short, but I'll always be a bigger man than you." Bucky laughed, breaking out into a smile for the first time. He ran a hand through his hair.

"He didn't!" Y/N could see Steve Rogers, the man who had no regard for his own personal safety and hated bullies, doing something so ridiculous but just so...Steve.

"He did! Johnny didn't like that so much, so he cocked back his fist and came at Steve. Stevie tried to fight back, but he really wasn't a fighter back then. Just looking at a running track could make him break into an asthma attack and thinking about lifting a book could've snapped his spine."

Y/N snickered, shaking his head. Bucky was looking far more relaxed than he did when he came in. His shoulders weren't rigid and he wasn't gasping for breath. Though, it looked like his hands were slightly trembling still. "So, how'd it turn out?"

"At some point, I grabbed Steve around the waist and tried to haul him away. But Johnny didn't like that either, so he went after me. Now, I was a bit of a troublemaker so I knew how to fight. I wasn't lookin' to get into trouble, but Stevie had dragged me into a mess. Had to clean it up, like I do now." Bucky winked and chuckled. "The teachers had to come break it up and we had to explain what happened. Johnny was suspended for a week and our parents said they'd punish us at home, so we got off easy."

"Even at home?"

"Oh, no. My dad was pissed and Stevie's mother almost hung him out with the laundry. But at least we weren't suspended like Johnny was." He leaned back against the couch and sighed. "Did you just distract me?"

"Maaaaybe. How're you feeling?" Y/N laughed and checked the clock. His time was up which meant the rest of the day was his to do whatever he wanted.

"Better. Not like I'm choking on my own air, at least. I'm still wired, though." Bucky held his right hand up to show how it was still shaking a bit.

"Wanda told me about a hiking trail behind the compound. We could go check that out and get Peter and Angelica outside for a bit. If you're up for that, of course." Y/N offered. He secretly hoped Bucky would take him up on the offer. He wanted the chance to talk to him more when they were both completely sober.

"That sounds...great, actually. Besides, I don't think you could wrangle both of them on your own." He said with a teasing lilt and stood. "I'll find Peter and meet you downstairs."

"I need to shut my computers down first." Y/N pushed his chair back and moved his mouse to wake his monitors. "If you find my kid before I do, send her my way."

"Roger that."

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Peter was walking a few feet ahead with Angelica on his back, bouncing her every so often to make her squeal and laugh. There was a light breeze rustling through the branches of the trees, which were providing the right amount of shade from the late autumn sun. The weather was that perfect balance of warm and cool. Just right for a light jacket. The trail wasn't well used, evidence provided by the undergrowth creeping along the edges of the path, threatening to overtake it.

Y/N and Bucky were casually talking as they followed the kids. The conversation flowed easily between them like they'd been friends for years.

"So, she's how old, again?" Bucky asked, hitching his chin toward Angelica.

"Eight. Nine next Wednesday." Y/N smiled wistfully, watching his daughter shoot a bright smile at him over her shoulder. He'd been so afraid that this move would've negatively affected her and caused her to be miserable. But she had never looked happier or carefree. She'd always been a solemn little girl with many worries on her shoulders.

"She's growin' fast, huh?" Bucky smiled, too, shaking his head as another loud squeal floated back to them.

"Too fast. She's always gonna be my little girl, though." Y/N glanced up as a couple of birds flitted from one tree to the next. "I'm glad she's happy here and finding her place. She doesn't say it, but I know she feels like an outsider sometimes."

"Why's that?" Bucky asked, sinking his hands into his pockets.

"I know she feels out of place among friends a lot. The fact her mother isn't around and she doesn't have a second parent...some kids can be really mean about that." He sighed. "And it's not like that's her fault. But she feels that way and I don't know how to help her."

"Why would she think it's her fault?" Bucky stepped closer as if he knew the topic needed to be kept quieter to not disturb the girl a few feet ahead.

"I don't know where she got the idea, honestly. Her mother did leave a note when she left and part of the reason she left...well, Angelica wasn't exactly planned." Y/N muttered the last part to make sure it didn't reach his kid. He loved her, he really did. At first, he'd been terrified at the prospect of being a father when he wasn't ready. But the moment he held that little girl in his arms, he was smitten. "And her mother said some...nasty things in the letter about her."

"I can't imagine how that would've been for you." Bucky gave a sympathetic grimace. "Sorry, I didn't mean to bring up bad memories."

"No, it's okay. I don't talk about it much because it's in the past and we're doing great without that woman." He shrugged and smiled. "I kept the letter, though, as precautionary measures in case she ever decides to come back and fight for custody. I doubt that would happen, really, but the court system is so messed up and might not rule in favor of me despite the fact I've raised her."

"If a court of law can see how much you love that kid and how much she loves you and is happy with you and still not let her stay with you, then I might have to return to my vigilante days." Bucky joked, though he sounded and looked serious.

"Bucky, no."

"I'd do it."

"I know, but no." Y/N laughed and shook his head. "Thanks for the offer, but I think an appeal would work better."

"Okay, you have a point," Bucky said. "So, I've never asked but what got you on the team? Steve didn't tell me and Stark won't because he's still mad about game night five months ago."

"I caught four embezzlers in the compound by hacking into the hidden servers that keep backups of pretty much everything, even if it's been wiped from the main servers. I would've gotten away with it if I hadn't tripped the single silent alarm monitored by FRIDAY. Tony promoted me shortly after I handed the information over to Grace Stevens in accounting." Y/N explained with a smile. "I thought I was fired or being thrown in jail. Those were the most terrifying few minutes of my life."

Bucky whistled. "That's impressive. Even Nat couldn't get through Stark's security lines to retrieve deleted footage of him drunkenly singing karaoke in his lab."

"I might have to go digging for that to earn a favor from Nat." Y/N took his phone out and made a reminder, causing Bucky to start laughing. His eyes crinkled up at the corners with his bright smile. "Oh, Pete, be careful! That might be slippery!"

Peter was halfway across the large fallen tree trunk over the moderately moving river. He turned his head to listen to Y/N and nodded, shifting his grip on Angelica. He moved slower then, watching his footing to make sure they didn't fall.

"So, we're gonna cross that?" Bucky asked, eyeing the log warily. Falling. He hates falling. That's right, Y/N thought. Of course, he'd be uncomfortable with something like this because he might fall.

"I guess. Wanda said there's lakeside access across the river and down the path." Y/N stopped at the tree, watching to make sure the kids made it across safely. He trusted Peter, considering the kid was a literal superhero and gymnast, but he was also a dad and his Dad Instincts were kicking in. "You gonna be okay with crossing?"

"If I don't fall, I will," Bucky forced a smile, but Y/N could see the anxiety behind it.

"Here, take my hand. We'll cross together and we'll go slow. I'll make sure you won't fall." Y/N held his hand out to Bucky and tried his best to ignore the small jolt of electricity that shot through his veins when Bucky accepted it. "Come on."

"If I fall, I'm dragging you with me," Bucky said with a joking tone, but there was a shake to his voice as he stepped onto the log after the man holding his hand.

"Valid." Y/N snorted before focusing on where he was putting his feet. He couldn't slip and risk giving Bucky a heart attack. He was trusting him to get him across this river safely. "If you need to stop at any point, just tell me and we can."

"Nope. Just keep moving even if I start to freeze up because if I stop, I won't move again." Bucky was able to flash a quick lopsided smile even though he was doing something that ultimately terrified him.

"You got this, Bucky!" Angelica shouted from the other side, bouncing on her feet like a highly-caffeinated bouncy ball. "You're almost there!"

Y/N grinned to himself. Leave it to his kid to become a cheerleader for them without even knowing that Bucky really needed that encouragement. He swore his daughter had supernatural abilities of knowing what someone needed when they needed it. When she was much younger, there had been nights where he was stressed about making ends meet and she would crawl into his lap and hug him tightly until he forgot what was bothering him.

Lost in thought for just the brief moment spelled ruin for him. His foot slipped on a wet spot and he lost his balance.

Bucky grabbed his arm and pulled him back, keeping him steady until he regained his footing. He chuckled. "Jeez, Y/N. I thought you'd be saving me from falling and not the other way around."

"You're lucky I'm nice 'cause I would've just shoved you off this log and let you wash down the river." Y/N retorted though he couldn't keep his expression stern and a smile broke out. "So, that spot's slippery. Be careful."

"Oh, I was just planning to plant my foot on it and run the rest of the way." Bucky teased, appearing way more at ease than Y/N expected he would. Maybe that's what happens when someone has to save their non-fearful friend from falling.

Once they were on the other side and on solid ground, there was a pause of silence between everyone before they all burst into laughter.

"Mr. Barnes, your face when Mr. L/N slipped! You were so surprised!" Peter bent over, trying to catch his breath.

"Y/N, I thought you were a goner for a moment. And if I hadn't already had a hand on you, I probably would've just let you fall." Bucky was barely able to speak through his laughter, smile so wide his eyes were crinkled up.

"Oh, I see how it is!" Y/N acted offended. "See if I ever team with you on game nights again."

"Ooh, he's serious." Angelica giggled, wiping tears from her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Y/N but I was not risking falling just to save you if I hadn't already had your hand." Bucky took deep breaths, also wiping his face with his jacket sleeve.

"What happened to till the end of the line?" Peter asked, taking deep breaths.

"That's a me and Steve thing. And even then, I'd just let his dumbass fall." Bucky winced. "Sorry, language."

Angelica grinned broadly with a mischievous glint in her eye. "Oh, don't worry. Papa swears a lot more than you might think. He thinks I don't hear him mutter things under his breath, but I do."

"You little snitch!" Y/N exclaimed. "I can't believe you!"

"Oh no...Angelica, we gotta go!" Peter scooped Angelica up and dashed down the trail. Y/N started to give chase but slowed down as they turned the bend.

Bucky followed at a slower pace, shaking his head in amusement. He caught up to the father who was straightening his jacket. "You're not going after them?"

"Nah. I just made them think there was an actual threat. They'll probably get all the way to the lake before they realize I'm not actually chasing them." Y/N grinned. "So, want to tell me about that game night five months ago?"

"It started when Nat brought vodka back from a mission in Russia and decided not to tell us it was hundred-proof..."

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"Hey, Buck. How's your day?" Sam asked as he entered the training room with a towel around his neck and a water bottle in hand. "Sorry that Steve and I dipped on you."

"Don't worry about it. It's alright," Bucky grunted before setting down the set of weights he'd been lifting. "My day was pretty good. Except when Stark accidentally set off an explosion in the lab while I was running the obstacle course. Scared the hell out of me and then I fell off."

"Shit, man. You okay?" Sam placed his water bottle and towel on a bench near Bucky. "I know you don't like falling and loud noises so that just seems brutal."

"My adrenaline kept it low but I still started to freak out after I cleaned up." He admitted before taking a drink of his own water and using his shirt to wipe some of the sweat from his forehead. "Y/N helped me out with that."

"You went to Y/N? Why not Bruce or Wanda? Hell, even Nat?" Sam arched his brow and there was a hint of something behind his eyes.

"Dunno. He's nice, ya know? I figured he'd have some experience with that kind of stuff. Having a kid would teach you how to calm someone down when they're freaking out and I've seen him chill Angelica out faster than she could even process why she was upset." Bucky said, sitting down on a bench to give himself a break. He'd been in the training room for an hour already and it was about time to take a breather. "After that, we took Angelica and Pete out on that hiking trail Wanda found just to get them outside since they were causing trouble and everyone needed a break."

"Hey, as long as you found a way to calm down and not have a panic attack, I won't knock it. Happy for you, man. You're doing really good recently." Sam started to set up the machine he liked to use. Can't have a tree without the trunk, you know what I'm saying? Sometimes Bucky really didn't like Sam, but he was a great friend and great company when he wasn't being an annoying shit. But then again, he could be an annoying shit when he wanted to be. "Proud of you, man. Long road, but you're sticking with us."

"Yeah, yeah. Save the sappy shit, would you?" Bucky leaned his head back against the wall, taking deep breaths. "The hike was nice. Though Y/N almost fell off the log when we were crossing the river. I caught him before he did, but if he hadn't been holding my hand, I would've let him fall."

"You told him about your issue with falling?" Sam straddled the bench and rested his forearms on his thighs. "Dude, it took you like eight months to tell me about that and he's been here four months."

"Don't take it personally, Wilson." Bucky shrugged with a smile. "He's just got that calming feel to him. He's easy to trust and he's just really nice."

"And you were tellin' me to quit with the sappy shit? Do you hear yourself?" Sam cracked a smile as well. "I like Y/N, too. He's a good fit for the team."

Bucky nodded, agreeing. There had been something missing in the team dynamic for a while that no one could quite name or place, but Y/N and his kid had certainly brought it. The game night had really shown some of Y/N's full personality away from his daughter, though Bucky liked having Angelica around a lot. She was bubbly and sweet and brought a little bit of light on his bad days.

But Y/N...Y/N was just so thoughtful and selfless. It was obvious when he'd walked into his office that Y/N had no idea how to help him and was taken aback, but he'd helped him anyway. He showed genuine interest in the story Bucky had been telling him and even invited him along to an outing. They hadn't exactly hung out outside of the team nights and work hours. It was nice and he liked the idea of getting to see Y/N more often out of that stuff.

"Wait, don't tell me...Barnes, do you have a crush on Y/N?" Sam asked with a cocky grin.

"What? No!" Bucky said far too quickly, his face starting to flush. He was lucky he was already a little red from training, but Sam knew otherwise. His grin widened.

"You totally do!"

Bucky went to defend himself again but he sighed and turned his head away while Sam started to snicker. "Fine. Maybe I do a little."

"Man, I didn't take you for one to like guys," Sam said.

"Is...that an issue?" Bucky asked warily, his heart starting to flutter in his chest. For most of his life, he'd shoved that part of him aside and hidden it. Sure, he fooled around with a couple of guys in the forties but it never went very far. And war made people do desperate things. But he was worried that even now, he'd have to keep that part of him tucked away and ignore it.

"Hell, no. My best friend in college was the most flamboyant gay guy I've ever met. Smart as a whip and a beautiful musician. I don't give a shit, but I don't wanna hear about all the details. And that goes for women, too. That stays private, man." Sam wrinkled his nose up and it made Bucky chuckle. "I don't know how it was back then, but people are a lot more accepting now than they were. They legalized same-sex marriage a few years back. And if anyone gives you shit about it, I'll kick their asses."

"Thanks, Sam. That means a lot." Bucky smiled. "But if you tell anyone that I have a thing for Y/N, I'll kick you off the helicarrier again."

✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿ ... ✿°•∘ɷ∘•°✿

Taglist: @shadowolf993 @supernaturalwintersoldier @booty-ass-hoe @fightmemacbeth @pastel-boy-sungjae @unsure-username @myybebe (it works!! ^-^)

#mint ice cream & bubblegum kisses #Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x male reader #bucky barnes x male!reader #bucky barnes x single dad!reader #james buchanan barnes #sam wilson #bucky barnes fanfiction #mcu fanfiction

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waitimcomingtoo · 4 years

Note

I’m a huge fan of your writing!!! You’re so talented 💖✨ Can I please request a protective tom/peter story? Thanks love!!

Wheezy

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Synopsis: Peter is the only one who can tease you about your asthma

Masterlist

Requests are CLOSED

You were in second grade when you found out you had asthma.

Unfortunately, the rest of the second grade class found out too. Your asthma wasn't too serious, mainly triggered by nerves, but every so often you’d have to take a hit off your inhaler to calm yourself down. That didn’t hinder the merciless teasing from your classmates for not knowing how to breath. There was one thing that hindered the teasing though…

“Why are you in time out?” You asked the curly haired boy with red sneakers sitting next to you. The teacher shot you a look when she heard talking, but looked away when you gave her a bright smile. The boy rubbed his thumb over his knuckles and shrugged.

“I hit Flash.” He said solemnly.

“You hit Flash? Like in the face?” You almost jumped out of your seat in excitement. The boy perked you upon hearing your interest in his actions.

“In the nose.” He said with a toothless grin.

“Hey, I don’t have my two from teeth either.” You opened your mouth to show the boy and stuck your tongue through the gap. “My mommy said it makes me special. But if you’re also missing your teeth, does that mean I’m not special? Or are we both special? I have to call my mommy and ask but I only know the number for 911. It’s 911.” You sighed in defeat before an idea popped into your head. “Do you know your mommy’s number? Can we ask her?”

The boy blinked and looked at the floor before telling you, “I don’t have a mommy.”

“Everyone has a mommy.” You insisted.

“My mommy flew up to heaven with daddy.” The boy told you with a glum face. He never spoke about their death, but he felt safe opening up to you.

“Oh.” You said and looked down. You noticed the boy getting upset and reached over to tap his shoulder. “Do you want to come over after school today and meet my mommy? She’s really nice. Except, sometimes she makes me clean my room.” You remembered. “But I don’t think she’ll make you do that.”

“Okay.” The boy smiled happily at you. “I’m Peter.”

“I’m Y/n.” You told him.

“I know your name.” Peter said. “Your cubby is near mine.”

“I like you Peter. Since we’re best friends now, I’m going to tell you a secret.” You scooted your chair closer to his and lowered your voice.”

“Okay.” Peter smiled in excitement.

“I told a lie to the teacher.” You confessed before clamping your hands over your mouth and giggling as Peters eyes widened.

“What did you say?” He gasped. Lies were a top offense in second grade.

“Michelle drew on the bathroom wall in sharpie and I told the teacher I did it. That’s why I’m in time out.” You admitted to Peter. He furrowed his little eyebrows together.

“Why would you lie about that?” He asked.

“Because if Michelle gets in trouble again, she had to talk to the president.” You told Peter, who’s eyes widened again. “Or the principle. I forget which one.”

“You’re a good friend.” Peter complimented.

“Now I’m your good friend.” You smiled brightly at him. “So why did you hit Flash?”

“I don’t want to tell you.” Peter shook his head and looked away.

“But I told you a secret!” You said a little too loudly, making the teacher look your way again.

“I can’t say.” Peter whispered.

“Then we cant be friends.” You pouted and folded your arms.

“Wait! I’ll tell you.” Peter spoke up.

“Okay.” You leaned closer to him, your pout completely gone.

“I hit Flash because he was making fun of your asthma.” Peter confessed.

“You hit him for me?” You asked. “But you didn’t know me then.”

“I don’t like Flash. I wanted to protect you from him.” Peter told you. Something about Peters words made your second grade heart burst.

“Everyone makes fun of my asthma.” You said sadly. Peter looked angry, because he knew it was true.

“I don’t.” He promised. You looked up at him and pulled him into a hug.

“Okay Peter. We can be friends again.” You said.

But that was elementary school. By high school, things were different.

Since you wore a different purse everyday to match your outfit, you often forgot to put your inhaler in your new bag. Luckily, you usually never found yourself in a situation where you needed your inhaler but didn't have it.

That was true until tenth grade. You had to do an oral report on The Scarlet Letter for your English class. It went fine at first as you stood before the class reading from index cards. Halfway through the presentation, Peter noticed your breathing was getting labored. Your hands were shaking and you looked up from your index cards in fear at the rest of the class. Peter quickly realized an asthma attack was coming on and grabbed your backpack. He started rummaging through it, but found it wasn't your usual purple bag. You were wearing a green dress today, so you opted for a light pink backpack. Only problem, you forgot to stick your inhaler in it. You made eye contact with Peter, who was even more terrified than you were. Peter ran out of the classroom to get the nurse.

"What were you thinking?" Peter yelled, making you jump. You were sitting on the bench outside the nurses office, taking deep breaths with your inhaler. Peter was busy thanking the Lord that it’s required to give the school an inhaler if you have asthma. He was glad he remembered this and got the nurse in time.

"I just forgot. I've never used it at school before. People would think I'm a geek." You said, still a little out of breath. You felt guilty for making him so upset but in your defense, you’ve never needed it before.

"Y/n, you could have died." Peter said angrily.

"Oh, you're just being dramatic." You dismissed.

"Dramatic? 250,000 people die from asthma a year, Y/n." Peter stated, leaving you to wonder how he knew that. He saw you look down at your hands in shame and his eyes softened. He crouched down and took your still shaking hands in his.

"I need you to understand how important it is for you to carry around your inhaler at all times. You can't keep forgetting it. This could've been serious." Peter said gently. You slowly looked up at him.

"I'll remember. I promise." You said. Peter nodded and pulled you into a hug. He frowned deeply once your face was buried in his neck. He didn't like seeing his best friend upset. His frown faded when he heard your giggle.

"What are you laughing at?" He asked.

"I just think it's funny how I said reading The Scarlet Letter was gonna make me die of boredom, and then I almost died while giving a report on it. That would've been quite a death." You laughed. Peter stifled his laughter, not wanting to let you off the hook just yet.

"That's not funny." He smiled.

"At least I would've gone out with a bang." You shrugged.

"Stop." He warned.

"It would’ve been a run and hit, instead of a hit and run. Get it? Because I had to run to take a hit of my inhaler?” You continued to tease him.

"Stop." He said again.

"Alright alright." You rolled your eyes and dropped the subject.

After the incident, your asthma became the butt of all your jokes. The endless "breathless" jokes followed you all the way to college. Whenever you got a chance, an asthma joke would be made.

"Wanna hear a joke?" You asked as you spun around in Peters swivel chair.

"Not at all." Peter replied without looking up from his textbook.

“I watched a documentary on Asthma and what causes it last night.” You informed him. He looked up from his text book, excited that you were taking the initiative to learn more about your condition.

“Oh really?” Peter asked proudly.

“Yeah. It had some really breathtaking stuff.” You nodded before a grin broke out on your face. Peter groaned loudly and covered his face with his hands.

“I hate you.” He said behind his hands.

“Aw, but I love you.” You jumped on top of him and pinned him to his bed. You sat on his chest and held him down by his wrists. Peter looked up and you shyly and prayed his roommate wouldn’t walk it. “You’re my best friend in the whole world. Even if you don’t appreciate my asthma puns.”

"Alright, get off.” Peter said, annoyed you’d reminded him that you were only best friends. “I can’t breath.”

You got off his chest and sat next to him on his bed in silence for a moment before a devious smile crossed your face.

"Neither can I." You grinned, making Peter fully shove you off the bed.

You somehow managed to work it into every conversation.

"Here." You said, sticking a sticker onto Peters arm.

"You're giving me a sticker?" He asked in confusion as he pulled on his shirt to get a better look at it.

"Not just any sticker. It says “you’re a cute-cumber” over a picture of a cucumber.” You explained.

“What would I do without it?” Peter asked sarcastically and he watched the childlike joy on your face.

"It's a scratch and sniff too. I didn't smell it yet, though.” You kept up your innocent act. “I don't know if you know this about me, but I have this thing called asthma. You may have heard about it."

"Mmm, no I don't believe I have. I had no idea you had asthma. You're an inspiration to us all." Peter replied sarcastically. You laughed and rested your head on his arm. “I am a grown man, Y/n. I can’t be seen walking around with this on my arm.”

“You don’t want it?” You asked a little sadly as you went to peel it off of him. Peter brushed your hand away and looked offended.

“I didn’t say I didn’t want it.” Peter defended. “How else are the people gonna know I’m a cute-cumber? What if they think I’m just berry cute?”

You smiled widely at your best friend and smoothed the sticker back onto his arm.

You and Peter could joke about it, but God forbid anyone else tried too.

“If I got a tattoo, I’d get a big dollar sign on my bicep.” A senior, Harry Osborn stated. “To remind me to always secure the bag.”

“How lovely.” You said sarcastically and gave Peter a look.

“What about you, Y/n? What would you get?” Peter asked.

“I don’t know.” You answered.

“You could get an inhaler that says “it’s not easy being wheezy” under it. My friend got that one night when he was drunk. Funny as hell.” Harry commented. Peter felt his fist clench.

“Why would I get that?” You asked Harry.

“Because of your asthma.” Harry shrugged.

“Do you think having asthma is funny, Harry?” Peter leaned towards on his hands and you immediately gripped his arm.

“Peter, he’s only kidding. It’s okay.” You tried to calm him down.

“Do I find it funny your girlfriend is brilliant but doesn’t know how to breath? Yeah, a little.” Harry retorted.

“It’s not her fault.” Peter snapped, not bothering to tell Harry you weren’t his girlfriend.

“I’m not saying it is. I’m just saying, you gotta be pretty dumb to not know how to breath. And if it weren’t for that pretty face, she might not have gotten into this college. Something to think about. Food for thought, if you will.” Harry smiled.

“I won’t.” Peter lunged at Harry but you held him back. You pulled him out of the room by his hand and didn’t stop until you found an empty hallway.

“What was that?” You asked Peter sternly.

“He has the audacity to say you don’t belong here? His dad paid his way in. He asked me how to spell “biology” the other day. He’s a biology major!” Peter exclaimed.

“What he is is an idiot and you don’t have to sink to his level.” You rubbed Peters arms today calm him down. The flush is his face began to fade.

“He had no right to make fun of your asthma.” Peter said softly, making you heart melt.

“I know. Thanks for protecting me.” You said as you wrapped your arms around Peters torso. He rested his chin on your head and a sighed.

“Always.”

Even in the more serious moments, there was always room for a joke.

You and Peter went up to the roof to look at the sky during a particularly loud party. No one was up there but you two, giving you plenty of privacy. You walked to the railing side by side and looked up.

“Look, Peter, the sky.” You blurted. Peter looked and you and let out a groan.

“Really? You’re quoting Anne Frank? Now?” Peter asked you.

“I was quoting Anne Frank’s play, to be fair.” You held up your hands in defense.

“Moving on from that, I’m glad we can see the stars from here. I always wanted to stargaze with you but you could never see the stars from my building.” Peter said.

“I didn’t know you always wanted to do that.” You said with a fond smile. You looked at Peter, who had his head tilted towards the sky, and felt your face flush. You were seeing him in a different light for the first time, moonlight. And he was mesmerizing.

“It is beautiful, isn’t it?” You asked as you looked at Peter and not at the sky.

“Yeah. It takes my breath away.” Peter sighed in content before looking at you to see if you were enjoying it too. To his surprise, you had been staring at him the whole time.

"You know what takes my breath away?" You looked right in his eyes. Peter looked at you expectantly and smiled.

"What?" He asked, desperate to know. You smiled back at him.

"My asthma." You replied. Peters heart sank and he stared at you for a moment. An amused smile still sat on your face as you turned your attention back to the stars.

"I love you." Peter blurted out. “I’m in love with you.”

You snapped your eyes back to Peter, expecting a goofy grin on his face, but instead saw his dead serious expression. He was being sincere.

"You..." Your eyes widened and you were suddenly gasping for air. You clutched your throat and slid onto the ground. You looked around for your purse, only to remember you left it at the party. You closed your eyes and tried to slow your breathing. You suddenly felt your inhaler between your lips and a hit of air rushed in. You opened your eyes and saw Peter holding an inhaler to your lips with panic in his eyes. You took it from his hands and used it until you could breath again, never breaking eye contact with him. When you calmed down, you took the inhaler away from your mouth and took a deep breath.

"How did you-" you began.

"I started carrying one around after tenth grade." He cut in. "Just in case something like that ever happened again."

You nodded and gave him a soft, grateful smile.

"Wow Peter.” You said timidly. He looked up at you, again with expectation. “You really know how to take a girls breath away."

Peter groaned and scooted next to you.

"I had to. You know I had to." You defended yourself and Peter laughed.

"I should've just let you suffer." Peter teased, making you giggle as you helped him stand up.

"Well I'm glad you were here.” You touched a hand to his cheek and he leaned into it. “You’re always here. Always protecting me.”

“I’ll always protect you.” Peter said assertively.

“I know.” You smiled. “That’s why I love you too.”

Tag List 🏷

@maybemona @sunrise-shawn @meghan-8520xx @writing-for-hours-on-end @lavender-writer @captainmandeestudent17 @whatareyouhidingpeter @takenbyheartstrings @ultrunning @imyourliquor-youremypoison @theolwebshooter @autumnlyholland @andreasworlsboring101 @guksmyfav @waiting-to-be-myself @letsloveimagines

#peter parker fanfiction #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x you #spider man: homecoming #spiderman x reader #iron man #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #peter parker fluff #protective!peter x reader

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youngbloodbuzz · 3 years

Note

Hiiioo hello!

I was curious what your outlining process looks like? Bhah is just so long and complex, Idk how you guys organize all your thoughts hahah

it's nothing too complex honestly. we primarily used two docs to put down all our thoughts. a notes docs for our lore and the dialogue/paragraphs/scene ideas we quickly wrote in our discord dms to each other, and then the actual outline doc where we organized those scenes into bullet lists

just to get an idea of what our outline looks like, here's what the first three chapters look like

Chapter 1: 1987

Opens with a morning with eddie, coming up behind her as she’s getting ready and kisses her on the neck; dani’s car has trouble starting and eddie drives her to work, citing how nice this would be to do every day, if only dani were to sell her car; dani, internally annoyed, prefers to have her independence, shitty car and all, pushing his glasses up his nose instead of kissing him when he leans in for one

Establish friendship and work relationship with hannah - Dani has been moved up from teaching age 10 to age 12

Start of a new school year, gets to know the students and particularly mikey who has a familiar name and eventually realizes it IS mikey taylor

Dani convinces herself to avoid the possibility of accidentally running into jamie but finds a box of the photo album and jamie’s things in her closet

She asks Judy and Eddie over dinner about Mikey, trying to be innocuous. Eddie is quiet, but Judy fills Dani in on all the latest gossip

Runs into her at owen’s restaurant bakery while having an afternoon coffee with Judy

Chapter 2: 1972 (aged 10)

Start of grade 4, dani first talks/meets jamie when she’s having an asthma attack and jamie helps her through it

Next time they talk, dani stops a group of kids from bullying jamie; jamie ends up keeping watch over dani during gym and still ends up in the school office where dani finds her all bruised up and where she meets nan for the first time

Jamie meets Judy who takes a shine to dani’s new friend

Dani’s 10th birthday;

The pair clear out the bushes in Jamie’s backyard and tie up the tyre they found at the junk pile; Dani admits to jamie that she dared eddie to kiss her and then he asked her to marry him the next day out of panic, jamie thinks this is hilarious but also gross cause boys and ew it’s eddie

Chapter 3: 1987

Whereas before, Dani had anxiously thought she would see Jamie everywhere but never did, now she and Jamie can’t seem to stop running into each other. It’s like a benny hill sketch, where they say goodbyes, only to see one another an hour later somewhere else as they’re each doing the same chores on their way home from work. “We really must stop meeting like this,” Jamie jokes. (it starts with Jamie picking up Mikey late from school and fixing Dani’s car, and then follows them to the petrol station and the supermarket).

During this sequence, Jamie reunites with Carson and Eddie as well (perhaps they’re all at the supermarket together or something)

Parent teacher conference time, where Dani finally works up the nerve to ask Jamie if they want to grab coffee. (Dani also talks to Jamie about Mikey’s skill at math and whether he would consider going to special classes after school).

First coffee meeting and fight; After coffee dani admits how she found the empty house and jamie explains how/why she left and never kept in contact

A glimpse of Dani’s home life with Eddie; dani can’t find her box of jamie’s things and Panics, eddie comes home to her panicking, confused, and finds it for her where he had shoved it in a corner obliviously; Dani listens to Jamie’s mixtape in the car

Another coffee meeting where this time they try to play nice. Jamie picks up Dani from her mom’s house (Dani was checking in on Karen, and also her car is still in the shop so Jamie picks her up) only to reunite with Karen (“You have some nerve coming back here”); Dani drags Jamie back upstairs to hide as Dani finishes getting ready, and Jamie’s surprised to see nothing about her room has changed, including the photos while also checking in about Mikey

Another meeting this time at Jamie’s house -- and it feels intrusive to be here, now, even if it’s just dinner. Mikey being surprised to see his homeroom teacher at his house. After cleaning up, Dani and Jamie hanging out on the couch while Mikey does homework on the cramped kitchen table. When Dani leaves the house, she hugs Jamie and it’s the first time they’ve touched since being reunited.

so as you can see everything listed out is just the basic idea and goal per scene and as we write we just build upon it while making sure it keeps in line with what the other person is writing. but also nothing is also totally accurate, there's some minor things that were changed as we wrote and scenes switched around or given more/less priority.

#asks #anonymous #cfau #cfau spoilers #and i think we both tend to write all our outlines for our separate projects like this too #i have a whole ass separate and more detailed outline for ch11 because it's so Long and i didn't want to forget anything lmao

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elysiashelby · 3 years

Text

In Another World - T. Shelby Imagine Ch. 13

Paring: (Eventual) Thomas Shelby x Aliena Welsh (OC)

Fandom: Peaky Blinders

Word Count: 5,851

WARNINGS: ANGST, HEAVY ANGST, Alcohol Consumption, Cursing, Recreational Drug Use, SUICIDE ATTEMPT, Mentions of SMUT (doesn’t concern any of the main characters)

Summary: Aliena Welsh hasn’t gotten any better. Her mental health is in the dumps and she’s coping with alcohol and drugs. How will she recover?

MASTERLIST CHAPTER 12 CHAPTER 14

A/N: THERE IS A SCENE OF ATTEMPTED SUICIDE. YOU READ ALL OF HER THOUGHTS LEADING UP TO THIS POINT & I DO BELIEVE IT TO BE VERY TRIGGERING!! THERE WILL BE BLACK LINE BREAKS TO START THE SCENE. Not a whole lot of Tommy in this one.

That night on me birthday, I blacked out. Couldn’t remember a thing, but I do remember feeling like shit the next morning. Not just from the raging hangover, but emotionally as well. I’ve never truly understood how fuckin’ shitty it is to wake up with no fuckin’ memories of the night before.

But now I did!

The days after I attempted to cut down me drinking as suggested by Polly. I kept to it as much as I could, but I just turned to other vices when we went out. Instead of drinking, I was getting high. Same effect really except I was more affectionate than ever and wasn’t getting weepy.

Problem with weed? It made me sexually aroused a.k.a. horny. I started dancing with strangers. Men and women. I was truly not giving one flying fuck.

And it was scaring me.

I managed to get past the whole debacle of me assaulting that woman at the Garrison. Talked to Polly abar it, ya know, some of me troubles. Really made some headway. She started wanting me to work in the shop more.

Couldn’t tell ya why, though.

I didn’t mind, it kept me busy for a while. That was ‘til Polly told me she didn’t need me in the shop for sometime. So, now— I was stuck collecting money every fortnight, cleaning the house, cooking, and be an all-round delivery girl.

Have you ever heard of the saying, “High highs are followed by low lows.” Let me tell you abar the low blow I was dealt. I caught Tommy banging Lizzie.

Drop the mic!

Yeah! I caught the first love of me life having sex with a prostitute. Not knocking her down, a girl has to earn her coin somehow. It was the fact that Tom was paying for sex that got me. He would rather pay than use me.

Let me tell you the number that did on me self-esteem. I didn't want to make it matter, but it did. It was irrational, in a way. I knew that. It was just that I was so hung up on him and I couldn't find it in meself to let go of him, yet. It was absolutely pathetic. I realize that, but I was also used to it. Used to the ones that I want not wanting me.

Oh well! I mean I wasn’t obsessing over it, but it did hurt me heart, is all. It also served as a turning point for me. Now, I wasn’t just dancing with random fellas— I was making out with them too.

Kissing didn’t matter to me anymore. Ever since me first kiss was stolen by that bastard two years ago, or so.

I didn’t let it go any further. I was just making out with them. Men and women. Anyone who would have me.

I was laying in me bed. I didn’t feel like leaving it. So, I didn’t. I kept me eyes shut and was getting lost in me own world. I fantasized abar being back with me family. That I had woken up in de’ ozzy from a coma ‘n I made all of this up.

“Aliena, love. You need to get up now.” Polly whispered as she shook me gently.

I opened me eyes and blinked. I faked waking up for the first time today. I hummed.

“Come on, love.” She urged while uncovering me and taking me hand.

With our hands joined, I turned ‘round and rose to me feet. She took me head in her grasp before using the back of the head to check me temperature.

She tutted. “You don’t have a fever. Do you feel sick, Ali?”

I nodded, lying. She sighed and pulled me into her chest. I hugged her tightly while whimpering. It was better this way.

We stayed that way for a while before she pulled away. Me face in her hands again. “How ‘bout I make ya some soup? You go on back to bed and I call you when it’s done. Yeah?”

I nodded with a small smile. She led me back to me bed and tucked me in. I said nothing as the tears streamed down me face. When she left, I closed me eyes again.

I’m so tired.

When the soup was ready, she got me up as promised and helped me down. I was acting and not at the same time. I was just showing how I really felt. I knew tomorrow I would have to bottle it all up again.

It was just that I already used up all me rest days just laying around, so this was a better cover.

She sat with me as I slowly nibbled away at the soup she made me. I didn’t care for it. I wanted me ma’s chicken soup. We made small chat ‘til I was done and I was sent back to bed afterward.

I laid there doing nothing ‘til I felt like I was going stir crazy. I leaped from me bed and pulled out me journal that was full of me writings. Only once I had the pen in me hand, I couldn’t think of anything.

I threw it down and ran me hands over me face. I began doin’ some heavy breathing before I took a deep breath and just suppressed it. I just suppressed it ‘cause I felt like I was being overdramatic.

I do so much complaining. I should be grateful. I should be grateful for what I have. Why was I so miserable?

Because I wasn’t in a relationship with Tommy, don’t make me laugh! He’s just one man.

Is it because I’m not with me family? Come on, after all that wishing to experience something more exciting in me life!

Fucking kinel! I was lucky enough to be found by Jeremiah and not be chucked into some mental asylum or in a prison cell for being suspicious. For not having to sell me own body in order to make ends meet. No, nothing has changed. I’m still that sheltered little girl who is just so ungrateful.

I inhaled sharply and gripped me hair tightly.

Just so greedy. Just so lustful. So fuckin’ ungrateful.

“No!” I shouted before I slapped meself. The stinging sensation overwhelmed me and balanced me. I swallowed harshly before racking me head for a song.

I sang ‘Empty’ by Olivia O’Brien to meself. I sang a million of other depressing songs ‘til me head ached. Then, I sat there. Just sat there. Letting the stories that ran through me mind play out there since I couldn’t write them.

But even they weren’t bringing me joy. Awful scenarios triumphed the love stories I was trying to conjure. They would just turn sour with infidelity, broken promises, and death.

I placed me bent elbows on me desk and used me hands to support me head. I closed me eyes as a way to fight the burning in me eyes.

As soon as I woke up, I choked down a sigh. I just turned on me back and ran a hand threw me hair. After a second or two, I got up and began getting ready for the day. For the past couple of days, I’ve been waking up with anxiety. I haven’t felt this way since being in school.

College was different. I had more freedoms, but years six through eleven— they were absolute hell for me. It just triggered me anxiety disorders, especially me agoraphobia.

I looked at meself in the mirror and saw a dead woman. I placed me fingers under me eyes, tugged down, and then let go. I took a sharp breath before I opened the door and walked out.

I was finding it harder to breathe these days. Like if me asthma was back, or gotten worse. Which would be totally plausible since I have been smoking ciggies now. Still pace meself, though.

I had me hair in a bun, some hairs framing me face. I was wearing a light purple button up shirt with a darker purple, high-waisted midi skirt.

I walked down and cut me two slices of bread. I was gonna eat me regular bread and jam. I sat down ‘n ate it. When I was done, I began to clean up again. The same old routine. Sweep, dust, fold, sew, shine, or wash.

I was in the middle of fixing one of Finn’s shirts when he walked in, panting. His lips smacked before he spoke. “Tom-Tommy wants to see you.”

“What is it, Finn?” I asked while rising to me feet. What the fuck’s happened? “What’s happened?”

He shrugged. “I don’t know. I was out with Isaiah, came in and he told me he wanted me to get you.”

I let out a sigh of relief before annoyance took over me. I shoved his head away from me. “Dear lord, Finn. I thought something bad happened! Ugh!” I walked past him and into the shop.

The chatter of men overwhelmed me senses. I marched over to Tommy’s office and knocked before going in.

“Finn said you needed me.” I stood up straight with me shoulder rolled back. Me fingers were interlocked and resting at me waist.

Thomas nodded as he took a drag from his ciggie. “I need you to deliver this to Moss.” He looked up as he held up the package for me to take.

It was probably hush money to distribute, or his own allowance to keep him quiet, or something else.

I blinked furiously as I stepped forward and attempted to take the package from his hand.

Okay, the fuck is happening?

Tommy kept looking at me up and down and wouldn’t let go of the package. I cleared me throat and he let go instantly.

“Right. I need you to give that to him as soon as possible. So, it’s best if you go now.” He looked away from me and back down at his paperwork.

“Right.” I repeated softly before turning ‘round. As I stood in the doorway, I held onto the wall and snapped me head to Tommy.

“Tommy.”

He looked up, his eyes wide. “Yeah?”

I thought abar it. I wanted to ask what that was all abar. I cleared me throat before gulping and shake me head. “Nevermind. Have a good rest of your day, Tom.”

I didn’t wait to hear a response. I practically ran out of there. I got me coat and then out the door. The cold air stung me face, but I welcomed it. After all, that interaction got me all warm inside.

I didn’t want to think abar it too hard. I had negative and positive thoughts. Maybe he thought I looked nice, but at the same time— maybe he saw what I’ve been hiding too. I remembered abar that promise we made on December 3rd. Abar how I would go to him if me depression was getting bad, but—! I didn’t sit right with me. How could I complain abar all of me problems when he was unknowingly one of them?

I sighed and clutched the package tighter. Men and women alike greeted me as I passed. After the bar “fight,” some stares and greetings changed. I didn’t care.

Why should I? They probably bunched me in with the rest of the Blinders, now. Might call me a devil too, now.

I huffed. Well, as long as they kept their thoughts to themselves. A bizzy held open the door for me, so I flashed them a nod ‘n smile. I walked through the building ‘n ignored the stares. I walked over to Moss’s office and knocked.

“Come in.” He shouted.

I opened the door and walked in. Moss, instantly, sat up straight.

“Ms. Welsh.” He began. “What can I do for ya?”

With the package still in one hand, I thrusted it forward, bouncing it a little. “Mr. Shelby has a delivery for you.”

He ah-ed, rose from his seat, and took it. “Thank you. Miss. My wife was just saying the other day how she missed your company. She’d be very pleased if you visited her soon.”

I smiled and nodded. “Oh, well, I’ll make sure to stop by soon. Good afternoon, Sergeant Moss.” I nodded again and turned ‘round.

I felt the stares and heard the whispers as I walked. As walked out of the station, as I walked home.

I shook me head as I raised me fingers to me head. Whispers, gossip, chisme. It was all so fucking annoying. Me days were blending together. Day in and day out, I was just lethargic. Having to force meself to do all this stuff was so tiring.

But what else am I going to do? I’m so useless.

I was letting the music in me head envelope me. With me hands, I moved me hair to the side as I danced. I was hot. Like feverishly hot, but I didn’t care. I wasn’t thinking abar anything but dancing.

I felt someone take their hands in mine, so I opened me eyes. Cassie was in front of me.

“Dance with me.” She yelled before she started doing the Charleston.

I giggled and then began to do it with her. For this type of dancing, I had to tune in on the club music. The club we were at right now was owned by Sabini. Luckily, no one knew me face. Otherwise, we might have been kicked out or worse.

Well, actually, since there was no bad blood yet… I might’ve just been used as a tool for some sort of deal. Ya know, a messenger or something.

When I felt tired, I gulped for air and stopped dancing. As did Cassie. We walked into each other. Why do we fucking wear heels all the damn time? I want me trainers back!

“Let’s go back to the table, yeah.” I announced more than asked. I led Cassie back to the table where Angie and Tina were sitting with men.

I rolled me eyes. Here we fuckin’ go. “Angie!” I shouted. “We’re back. You can hit the floor if ya want.” Angie’s eyes snapped to Tina, excitement all over her face. Tina’s facial expression spoke volumes, “She didn’t want to leave the table.” But she gave a sheepish smile, and nodded instead.

“Thanks, Ali.” She said to me before looking down at her new friend. “You want to dance with me?” She asked him to which he happily took her hand. Then, the four of them were gone.

I let out a sigh of relief and sat down with me legs open.

Cassie snorted. “You’re so ungraceful.”

I tsked while waving her off. “Do one. I’m tired.” I reached for me glass of water. I wasn’t gonna be drinking alcohol for a while. However, I did reach into me bag and took out a rolled joint along with me lighter.

I lit it up and took a puff. I held it for as long as I could before exhaling. This wasn’t wise. I’ve already smoke so much, but I didn’t want to come down from me high— so, I was lightin’ up again.

“You got cards?” I asked before exhaling another puff.

Cassie shook two fingers as she replied. “Yeah, in my purse.”

I passed her the joint. Probably shouldn’t have since she was drinking too, but fuck it! She was a grown woman.

I sniffed and wiped me nose. Cassie took out the cards with one hand before getting frustrated since she couldn’t get them open. She passed me back the joint before taking one last puff. I took it as a chance to take another drag.

Cassie got the cards out and began to shuffle them. “So, what game are we playing?”

I shrugged. “Want to play Go Fish?”

Cassie chuckled while meeting me gaze. “That’s your favorite game, isn’t it.”

I shrugged again, exhaling while stubbing out the joint. “Easiest to play. That’s all.” So, that’s what we did ‘til I found meself getting more ‘n more sluggish. I felt the imaginary hand squeeze me heart as much as it was racing. That sense of dread better known as a cold sweat.

Before I knew it, I passed out.

When I came too, I felt a cold towel on me forehead. Slowly, I reached for it and dragged it off me face. I moaned as I sat up straight in me chair. I looked to me right to see Cassie chatting up some guy.

My moan caught her attention.

“Oh, good, you woke up, Ali. You smoked too much weed again. I got you a towel from the bar while you were passed out. Just stay there for a while. This is Henry.” Cassie motioned to Harry who greeted me.

Through squinted eyes, I nodded at him and gave him a little wave. I turned me attention back on the wet towel. I placed it back on me forehead and just looked ‘round. People were dancing, sitting and having a chat, and others were just drinking. Well, okay. I didn’t want to pay attention to it, but there were people having sex ‘n doing a whole bunch of exhibitionist acts.

I stifled a laugh at meself while covering me mouth. I swear this place is always a madhouse, but it was very freeing too. People were just free here. It made me feel like I fit in.

The bad thing abar sitting down by yourself when you’re high, for me, is that I start thinking. Thinking while high isn’t good. ‘Cause what you find out is that you don’t feel pain all that much. If you catch my drift.

I sighed. The same thoughts that’s been haunting me kept repeating in me head. The same stuff as always.

Why was I here? What was my purpose? What was I going to do with my life now? ‘Cause honestly, I was a 22-year-old Hispanic English-American, who was working on her first book as well as beginning the process of having a baby. I was going to have a baby.

And now, I’m here. Getting high and drinking meself ‘til I blacked out. I was having anxiety attacks under the same roof of the man I’ve been obsessing over since 2013!

My whole life plan was fucked. I’m stuck in the 1920s where Women’s rights are not the highest priority. Fuck, my children are probably gonna be put through the second world war.

I sighed loudly as I pinched me nose and started bouncing me leg. I let the towel fall off me head and onto the table. I picked up back up and started wiping me neck with it.

I miss my family and friends. I want the comfort of being in my own home back. The feeling of security. I knew that no matter what my family would be there for me always. But here, here everything was conditional. Everything came at a price.

Doesn’t it?

I mean, yeah, it does.

I stopped wiping and got up. Me chair scraped loudly against the floor. I got up too quickly. Me vision went black and I had to sit down again. I stifled the moans that wanted to escape me mouth out of embarrassment and pride.

When me vision cleared, I got up again. Slower this time. Then, I began to make my way over to the bar.

“Oi!” I shouted. The bartender looked toward my direction. I raised the towel and he walked over to me. “I wanted to give this back. Don’t need it anymore. Thanks.”

He took it from me hand while nodding. “No problem, miss.”

I nodded while taping the bar top rhythmically before turning ‘round and walked back to the table.

I have no idea what time it is. I don’t care. I fucked up. I groaned and doubled over.

“Get the fuck up, Ali.” Cassie slurred.

“Do one, slag.” I replied while trying to push her away.

She tsked. “You fuckin’ first. We’re almost at your stupid house.”

“You’re stupid.”

“Bitch.”

“No you.”

We glared at each other before busting out laughing. I started kicking me feet.

“I’m gonna piss meself!” I shouted. “I’m gonna-! I’m gonna piss meself!”

Cassie cackled even harder while clutching me arm with a death grip. I said “ow,” very childishly as I tried to pry her grip off me.

Anyway, I drank. I stupidly drank and was also high. I can’t describe the feeling except that I am extremely tired and numb.

I slumped to the side and tried holding me head up, but failed. I groaned loudly as me head slipped from me hand. I shot back up and held my stomach. I felt like I was gonna be sick.

I pried open the window and stuck out me head.

“Get in, you dummy.” Cassie shouted as she tried to claw me back inside. Her nails only leaving a little bit of sting. It was enough for me to register that she was doing it.

I breathed slowly and deeply. I tried making the cold wind sober me up. But then the clawing got annoying, so I shook off the heel of my left foot and used it to push her away.

I could faintly hear her groan. Should’ve known that wouldn’t have stopped her. She started pulling on me leg. I rolled me eyes and got back into the car.

“I was trying to feel better, Cass!” I shouted in face.

She pouted angrily, like a child, before burying her face in me breasts. I sighed and started stroking her hair. I did it for so long that I didn’t even realize we had made it to me house.

“Ms. Welsh, we’ve arrived.” Simmons repeated.

“Huh? Oh, okay.” I looked ‘round the car ‘n saw that everyone was passed out. I loudly stifled me laughter. “Simmons, they, uh.”

“I know, Ms. Welsh. I can take care of it.” He smiled at me through the rear-view mirror.

I trusted him as much as Cassie trusted him. He came with her and her father from America. He’s been with their family for a long time.

So, I nodded and slipped out from under Cassie slowly. I opened the car door with the same pace and then stumbled out. I was flailing abar like fucking Bambi! I gasped when I was able to balance meself. I took a deep breath and then tapped on the hood of the car.

“Thank you, Simmons.”

“You’re welcome, Ms. Welsh. Goodnight.”

“You too.” I said before giving him a salute and turning ‘round. I trudged over to the door and shifted through me purse for the keys. I groaned impatiently when I couldn’t find them right away.

Once I did, I cheered and unlocked the door. I stumbled through, me heels clacking against the floor. As I was taking off me coat, I noticed a coat that’s not often there. Along with a very familiar shoulder holster.

A whisper escaped my lips as me fingertips carefully touched the items. “Tommy.”

I slowly walked into the living room and saw that there was a fire lit along with a glass on the table. I walked even slower toward the couch, me heart in me throat. I looked over it and sure enough, he was sleeping on the couch.

I smiled with scoff. I, immediately, turned ‘round and slowly went upstairs. I didn’t want to disturb his sleep. Hardly gets any as it is.

As I closed my door, I let out a sigh of relief. I looked down and cured. “Fuck! I forgot to hang up me coat.” I tsked and ripped it off me. I threw it on me chair. I crossed me arms and took off my dress. I had to fight with it a little, though. I left it on the floor and walked to my closet.

I took out my matching white nightgown and robe. I put them both on. I tied the robe tightly around me stomach and then began taking the pins out of me hair. I trudged over to my desk and threw them on there.

I shook out me hair and finally looked at meself in the mirror. I smiled at meself softly. If there was something I was absolutely confident abar meself, it was me hair. I smiled again before looking down and getting the stuff I needed to take off all this makeup.

Once I was done, I walked over to me bed and sat down on it. I wasn’t tired anymore. So, I just sat there. I shuffled over the window and just looked. I would strain me eyes so much that black dots would appear and I would frighten meself.

What am I doing here? Why am I here? How is ma and papa doing? Are they grieving over me? How abar me friends? Did they know I was gone? Did anyone? Was this real? This is real, right?

Calm down, Aliena. That’s not your name. I took a deep breath. That’s not your name! You are not 18-years-old. Why is your body like this? Why can I do things that I couldn’t do before?

I raised me hand to me head.

What am I doing? How long am I going to wait for Tommy to look at me? How long am I going to stay with this family? Should I just move in with Cassie? No, no that’s wrong.

No, this is wrong.

Stop being so irrational. You’re just feeling depressed, right now. You’ll get over this soon. You’re overreacting.

But what if I’m not?

When Grace comes back, will Tommy still sleep with her? Does he love her as intensely as he did on the show?

Why would you think anything else? Well, we used to be close. Used to be! He made it clear many nights ago that you were to be married to someone else. He doesn’t like you like that!

I whimpered and gripped me head tighter. Me feet going back and forth on the bed, messing up my blankets.

Even if he did, you’re too insecure. You can lie to yourself all you want, but you’d be worried. Worried every time he left that door. Every time he had a far off thought. “Are you thinking of her?” You’d think. “Did you cheat on me?” You ask. “If you ever cheat on me, I’ll kill you.” You’d threaten.

Toxic, toxic, toxic.

Should I try to go back?

My eyes shot open and I gasped.

Should I try to go back? Maybe this is all a very complicated dream. If I die, then maybe I’ll wake up in my room at home. I see me ma’ sitting in the living room with her dogs. Papa would be in his room working or with her in the living room. I’d see my baby niece.

I gulped. I put down me hands and noticed they were shaking.

Things here aren’t that great. I’m not close to Tommy anymore. I’m depressed and I can’t recall most days. I’m drinking meself half to death. I should just…

I looked at the door with wide eyes. I felt tears sting me eyes. I took a shuddering breath and slowly, me feet touched the floor. I gasped and a tear fell from me eye. I walked toward me door and slowly opened it.

I savored every creak of the door. When I deemed that I opened it enough to slip through, I stopped and did just that. I twirled ‘round and closed it with just as much care. I walked past Tommy’s door with ease since he was downstairs.

I was at the top of the stairs when it hit me.

Should I leave a note?

I raised me hand to my mouth and nibbled on my fingernail. I shook me head, deciding against it.

I went down the stairs, one step at a time. Each more daunting than the last. I didn’t want to risk waking up Thomas. When I got to the last step, I let out a shuddering sigh of relief.

I tiptoed across the room all the way to the door. I went to get me coat and mentally cursed meself.

I left it upstairs.

I looked back at the stairs. My face contorted in discomfort. I looked back at the rack and stared at Tommy’s coat and shoulder holster. I then shifted my gaze to the couch where he laid.

I took a deep breathe and raised me hands at a snail’s pace. I took the holster into me hands and carefully lifted it up. I put it on with little difficulty. I thought I would have trouble since I saw Tommy having some from time to time.

The holster was empty. I knew it would be. I took a deep breath and tip-toed over to where Tommy laid. There on the little table was the gun. I held me breath as I walked closer.

I was in front of him now. I couldn’t stare. He would feel it. ‘Cause of the war. I reach down and quickly snatched the gun. I didn’t waste a second as I quickly walked back to his coat. With the gun clenched tightly in me hand, I exhaled as silently as I could. Me mouth opened wide as I slowly let the breath out.

When I didn’t see his head pop up, I swallowed me worries. I placed the gun in the holster and then hurriedly put on the coat.

It was so big on me. Me hands were lost in the sleeves and it reached me mid-thigh.

I could admire it later. I blinked and made my way to the door. I gripped the handle with a strength I didn’t know I had. Me hands shook as I slowly unlocked the door. Then, I opened it with just as much care.

Just like I’d done earlier, I slipped through the sliver. Once the door was shut, I let go an audible exhale. I looked ‘round me and instantly felt paranoid. I walked fast and looked at no one.

I brought the sleeves to me face. I took in the scent.

Cigarettes. It smelt of cigarettes and his cologne. I used to associate the smell of ciggie with me gran, but now— I was surrounded by smokers. The scent, I would think, would evade my nose since it was so common. I just adapted to it.

I took in the sights as I walked past them.

This maybe the very last time I walk these cobblestone steps. This last time I set eyes on these houses. No more gossips, no more whispers.

I took another gasp for air and quickened my pace.

I kept feeling like someone was chasing me.

There was this burn in me legs. They were begging for me to stop, but I was used to it. It reminded me of the times I would feel this burn in me legs when I walked to and from school.

So, I marched on all the way ‘til I reached my special place. When my parents’ headstones were in sight, it got very real. I was going to attempt committing suicide again. It was like white noise filled me head as I walked up to them.

I dropped to me knees when I stood in front of their headstones. Me hands instinctively began to trace their names.

Memories of them began to flash in me head. From when I was little to just, what, two years ago now. I have a feeling the childhood memories were fabricated, though. I hardly have any positive memories of that time. I lost them to my depression.

I sucked in breath and exhaled, shakily with my cheeks puffed.

I just kept thinking abar their faces. How much I missed them. That brought on longing for me friends. I met them in high school ‘n they meant everything to me. I thought they would see my babies. They wanted to be there for me ‘n now…

I let out a curt laugh to meself as I bent me head, in shame. Slowly, I got off me knees and sat on me bum. I brought me trembling hand to where the gun was. It was cold in me grasp.

I took it out. The holster made a noise as I did so. I held it with both hands.

My breathing got quicker and I felt more and more fear.

I was going to die. What if I die? What if I die and don’t wake up? What if I don’t see my parents’ again after all and I just threw away my life?

Isn’t that what you wanted! I mean you’re depressed, aren’t you!

Yes, but no. I had things I wanted to do before I died.

So, why are you doing this?

“Because I’m so fucking tired.” I sobbed as I raised my forearms to hide me face. I brought my knees to me chest as well.

I let out an “oooh” before blowing the rest of the exhale out.

Well, then what abar the Shelbys’? How will they react when they find my body? Will they weep? Will they hold a funeral? Will I change things?

I choked on a sob. Then, it hit me. Like a fucking revelation an idea struck me.

Let’s leave this to a high power. I don’t care who. God, Fortuna, Tyche, or just the laws that controlled fucking chance.

I opened up the cylinder, spread me legs, and emptied out the chamber. I let the bullets fall on me dress. I took the bullets and set them aside one by one. I held that sixth bullet in me palm. I rolled it ‘round in me palm.

This very bullet will decide my fate. It completely holds the fate of my life. This little thing.

I slid it back into a chamber, closed me eyes, spun the cylinder, and then snapped it closed. I opened me eyes ‘n a tear fell out.

When debating suicide, I only accepted two ways. Overdosing on sleeping pills and a bullet to the head, no pain. Peaceful.

I laid down between the headstones of my parents and looked up at the sky. Tree branches were slightly in the way, but it made for a beautiful picture. Tears were falling out of me eyes more now. Blurred me vision, but I didn’t care. I liked the way me tears rolled down me face.

Slowly, I raised the gun to me temple. I inhaled sharply and held it as cocked the gun. A sob wracked my body.

I placed me finger on the trigger gently. Thoughts in me head were racing a hundred miles per hour.

I kept apologizing to everyone that ever mattered to me. The Shelbys, my friends here, my family, and my friends there.

I licked my lips, threw my head back against the ground, and gasped. I closed my eyes.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered. “Tommy,” was left unsaid.

Then, I pulled the trigger.

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