#Andrew pretends to hate it but it’s honestly grown on him

[aftgrwarbtrb]

2am thoughts got me going crazy but imagine one day Andrew is PISSED idk why but like he’s sulking around the dorm and then Nicky comes in and notices he’s angry and since he was chattering and his brain got ahead of his words he calls Andrew Angrew and loses his shit over it. Andrew is mildly annoyed but it distracts him from what he was actually mad about so he lets Nicky live. Now anytime Andrew appears in the slightest annoyed Nicky calls him angrew and even though andrew claims to hate it, it always makes him feel just a bit better.

#Neil is the first one to find out about this and he pretends it doesn’t affect him but he called Andrew that all the time when their alone #Andrew pretends to hate it but it’s honestly grown on him #Kevin finds out and doesn’t give a shit #Aaron pretends not the care but inside he’s cracking up #when the upperclassmen find out they think it’s hilarious and try to call him it to his face and he almost stabs one of them #but Neil stopped him #they never call him it to his face again but they use it to talk about him occasionally when he’s not there #this doesn’t make any sense and I’m too tired to read what I wrote so enjoy the chaos #aftg #neil josten #andrew minyard #andreil #all for the game #the foxhole court #aftg incorrect quotes #incorrect aftg #matt boyd #aaron minyard #allison reynolds #dan wilds #nicky hemmick #renee walker #the foxes

[esmiephan]

The owner of this bullshit post was thankfully deactivated (i mean, too bad that s/he couldn't take responsability for the shits s/he says, i wanted to talk "face-to-face" with him/her but now it's impossible), and the reblogs "defending Erik" didn't help in anything. It frustastes me how much the phandom looks weaker when defending Erik. It's not about wishing death to antis (even though they are toxic and even dangerous to other people who "love their enemy"), but letting it CLEAR that the things they say are wrong and hilariously stupid.

The phandom (mostly) loves Erik because he's nothing like this anti described. He was possessive and jeaously? YES HE WAS, and i'm not saying his relantionship with Christine was healthy (at least not 100%). But this person, who by the way seem to have missed the grammar class, describes him as a cruel and manipulative murderer. I wrote a whole blog better than this one explaining how Erik was not a cold-bloody murderer like some antis (and honestly some "phans" too) say. So it's useless to write everything again.

But let's talk about the manipulative. One thing that always bothered me when i watched the Andrew Lloyd's adaptation was Erik being such a liar manipulator, like, he even pretended to be Christine's father. It's not only hilariously unbelievable that a full grown woman would fall into such stupid lies because of a VOICE, but it's also something the original Lerik would never do. Yes, he lied to her about being the angel, but he regrets it deeply, he revealed the truth himself (unlike the musical) because he knew it was wrong and he needed to be close to her as a man. Plus, of course, he would NEVER, in a million lifetimes, pretend to be CHRISTINE'S FREAKING FATHER.

...and Leroux!Christine wouldn't be that dumb to believe him either. Lerik is the one who is easy to manipulate, and Christine uses his feelings to keep him calm and happy when he was with her in the underground. She knew he loved her, she feed that feeling and pretended to respond so she could discover more about him (and because she didn't want to hurt him). Christine is NOT A BAD PERSON, she is kind, foolish, strong and intelligent, but a lot of her actions are questionable the same way Raoul's (mainly) and Erik's are.

So yes, i understand when people are bothered with Merik being much more manipulative than he should be. But let's not forget that neither Merik or Lerik intented to hurt Christine, both of them loved her and regreted the wrong they did to her. And what bothers me so much is when this anti called Erik a rapist and pointed to Love Never Dies as an evidence of this supposed cruelty.

I'm very curious to know which part of his ass s/he found this information. This anti has literally no idea of what a RAPIST is. Rape is when a person forces sex into someone else, and such an abusive, disgusting act of cruelty DESTROYS the victim's life - the fact that we have to explain to antis what rape is and how it affects victims is... tragically disturbing. This person has no idea the consequences of her/him actions, his acusations, his words, literally no idea. You don't need to have more than 2 living neurons to understand Erik IS NOT, NEVER WAS, and doesn't even come CLOSE to a rapist. Imagine calling a perfect victim of physical/emotional/psychological abuse, social phobia, loneliness and emotional disorders a rapist... all because this person was jeaously of her/his crush?

It's hilarious to think someone could be so unscrupulous, irresponsible and obssessed over purity police to an innocent person like that. But yeah, here we are, answering a deactivated garbage post! And really, i tried to watch this "dark and unique" version of Webber's Crap Fanfiction Love Never Dies where Erik rapes or hurts someone, and i didn't find anything. If someone find the treasure that our lord purity-police here is talking about, please, link me? Because it would make me hate LND even more.

What really frustrates me is that Erik phans/stans are afraid of defending him and end up almost agreeing with a disturbed blog like this. He is not a villain, a man beyond redemption, a former MURDERER, a serial kidnapper, an obssessive dangerous stalker... or a romantic hero. He isn't any of these things. He is an anti-hero. A flawed man, fulled of traumas and social frustration, victim of abuse, with absolute lack of love, affection and tenderness, grown up with hatred, humiliation and violence, all of this shit life that made him emotionally instable, afraid of the society and desperate to be loved and accepted.

He was an asshole with Christine many times, no one is trying to deny or justify it. But he's not a bad person for this. He wronged a lot, but he recieved the compassion he needed and deserved from Christine. His toxic behaviour doesn't make him a monster - it's the opposite, he is the one who needed compassion the most. He was a genius, a noble man with a strong heart, but the circunstances of his life "forced him" to be an akward, lonely man that doesn't know how to socializate or express his feelings.

He is NOT capable of doing horrible things like some "phans" said (yeah, phans, not antis), at least not on purpose. He was forced to do gruesome actions in Persia, FORCED, in the place he was tortured and faced terrible traumatic experiences, but this is not his nature. If his mentally/emotionally instability makes him "dangerous", then he needed professional help, and not being called an unredeemable monstrous rapist by some petty anti.

Thanks for reading. A lovable kiss on your tiny cute butt.

#erik the phantom #the phantom of the opera #poto #antis #phans #serious blog #i know there are many phans who defend anything Erik does and says he's perfect and flawless - and that Christine is dumb or something #but it's not a fanatic child that describes Erik's phans/stans #we are RIGHT defending him and pointing what he wronged and did correctly #Erik doesn't deserve to be despised and insulted like this #but what can we do? antis will always exist - at least we know they're wrong #if at least real life was black and white as they thin... things would be easier #dont feel sad or menaced for standing for erik. know that you are right and understood his character #gray characters #anti-hero

[we-pay-for-everything]

For the salty ask list, #8, #9, #17

Hi! You didn't specify a fandom, so I'll stick to the Buffyverse to be safe!

8. Have you received anon hate? What about?*

Many times! Sometimes when I share a particularly "hot take", I get asks disagreeing with me and not very politely. I can't even remember them tbh but they insult my intelligence, I guess? Or my character? Dunno, they don't get to me at all. Sometimes hate asks are followed by asks expressing support for me, so.... <3

9. Most disliked character(s)? Why?

Spike? Honestly, he's not the character I've ever hated the most, I just don't like him. It's not that he's an asshole, though he is, but it's that in keeping him around the show became increasingly more absurd and morally compromised (!= morally grey!!!) - tbh, it happened with Anya (and Andrew) to an extent as well, though I like her. I think the writing for Spike could be really stupid - I still don't get what the fuck the chip was supposed to be -, and I grew bored of him in seasons 6 and 7. It's weird to think that Dawn and Joyce became friends with a remorseless killer and that a teenage girl was allowed to hang out with a grown-ass man with a body count who, unlike Angel, didn't actually regret killing people. Spike fucks up the soul canon too, which was never solid to begin with. And I really dislike him in season 7, in particular, when he's supposed to be a "good guy" yet shows no compassion to anyone but Buffy, whom he isolates and guilt-trips into depending on him.

This is petty, but I also kinda dislike how everyone likes him, lmao. It's gets annoying sometimes... But, seriously, I can't forgive the Angel writers for giving him a role in season 5. Angel was supposed to be a Spike-free safe zone for me...

There are tons of characters I dislike. I can't even name them all! I guess one is enough, right?

17. Instead of XYZ happening, I would have made ABC happen…

Writing fanfiction is not my thing, I am not creative! But building off of what I said, I think the chip storyline was nonsense, particularly when it fucked with the soul canon. Perhaps the writers should've gotten rid of it back in season 4, or at least in season 5 - they kept it way too long, but I guess they had no other way of making Spike an honorary Scoobie. Also, I would not have had Spike in season 5 of Angel. Cordelia deserved to be in the last season. Fuck Joss Whedon.

Moving on to more important things, the dumbification of Angel post-Epiphany and up to season 4 is my least favorite part of Angel. As someone who loves Angel (the character), with all her heart, he became a stranger to me. Angel's so insanely OOC in the late half of season 2 and in season 3 that I just pretend most of those episodes don't exist. I don't care for any post-Epiphany season 2 episode. The writers really blew what would otherwise have been a perfect season - TV excellence. The complete and abrupt shift in tone, the lackluster conclusion to Darla's arc, the absolute mess they did of wrapping up Angel's arc (he went from dark to hyper in an episode and all nuance was lost), the filler episodes like Disharmony and the weird Pylea arc, etc. - all of it was so disappointing and sloppy on the writers part; it's like they gave up on the storyline instead of seeing it through. Still, Angel himself was the most disappointing of all. His descent into madness and darkness had been so horrifying to watch - so shocking and fascinating, yet relatable and human-, but the writers just had to fuck it all up when they didn't allow him to "revert" back to himself, to redeem himself and grow from his mistakes, naturally. He should've grappled more with what he'd done, and struggled more to readjust to society. He should've fought harder to regain his friends' trust and his place in Angel's Investigations. He should've spent more time reflecting on the choices and beliefs that led him to betraying himself and losing faith in his future. He should've struggled to reconcile his past with what he'd learned and knew he needed to do in the future. The way Angel perceived himself, humanity and redemption changed and that's no small thing. Growth isn't linear - there are many ups and downs, yet Angel faced very few obstacles after his great epiphany. The dynamics between the A.I gang completely changed too when he went off the rails and it would've been interesting to explore that more, to bring Angel back into the fold slower - I cannot stand dumb Angel buying Cordelia clothes and acting goofy. Sadly, in season 3, we get even more goofy Angel. That's why I try to forget season 3 existed with the exceptions of Heartthrob, the Darla arc, and most episodes post-Loyalty (excluding Tomorrow). Thank fuck for season 4 - it turned Angel back into an interesting character at least. Oh, and this probably goes without saying, but I never would've made Cangel a thing at all. Considering Wesley's decision to kidnap Connor mid-season 3, they should've explored his and Angel's friendship more, as well as his friendship with Cordelia.

Anyway, I said more than I thought I would. (Don't I always?) Thanks for the ask!!

#ask meme #ats #btvs #angel #anti spike #thanks for the ask!

[starrywatermelon]

Jealousy

Gilbert Blythe x Fem! Reader, Ruby Gillies x Fem! Reader (platonic)

Requests: here and here 

Authors note: These two requests are similar, so I decided to merge them together. This also steered a lot more to Ruby and Y/N’s friendship, so I kinda have a love hate feeling towards this fic. 

Warnings: Kinda obsessed Ruby? Jealousy (as the title suggests),slight bullying, not 100% true to plot

Word count: 1,471 

Y/N has always been close friends with the girls of Avonlea. All of them had practically grown up together, sharing secrets and talking about crushes. She had also always known that Ruby was in love with Gilbert Blythe. Ruby would be livid if anyone else had a crush on him, and everyone swore to not like him, no matter how handsome and kind he was. Y/N herself even promised Ruby that she would try to get the two together, only if she could be a bridesmaid. But what Ruby didn’t know, was that Y/N also liked Gilbert, but she had never mentioned it to anyone.

Years and years went by, but nothing had changed. A new girl named Anne even joined the school, and she too got the “Gilbert is off-limits” talk. Anne did seem a bit scared at first, but she also eventually got used to it.

“Did you all see Gilbert today?” Ruby exclaims as the girls take out their lunches.

“Yes, he goes to school with us and you're always talking about him!” Josie replies in frustration.

“No, I wasn’t going to speak about just him today. I was going to ask if you saw him this morning! He was talking to a girl.”

Y/N started to feel slightly nervous, but she kept listening to the conversation.

“A girl?”

“Yes, Tillie. A girl, about our age. I couldn’t see her face, but I wonder why he was talking to her.”

“I don’t think it's any of our business on why he was talking to her.” Diana retaliates.

“But what if he’s in love with her? What if she’s in love with him?” Ruby has tears in her eyes when she says this.

“Ruby, I don’t think that’s the case, if it was, we all would know. Right?”

“I hope that’s the case, Anne.I really do.”

She didn’t say anything else, none of the girls did. They all ate their lunch, everyone but Y/N tried to figure out who the mystery girl is.

The sky was orange and pink, clouds scattered everywhere. It was still fall, which made it convenient for Gilbert and Y/N to meet up. Today, she decided to go to his house and tell him about what happened. Not caring about her appearance to much, she ran to Gilbert’s house.

“Gil! Open up!”

A yawning Gilbert opened the door, and smiled.

“Hey! I didn’t expect you to come over today.”

“I didn’t expect to come over either, but something happened today that I wanted to tell you about.”

Gilbert’s smile drops, quickly letting her in. What the two didn’t know, was that a boy was watching, one that shouldn’t be trusted with secrets. That boy? Billy Andrews.

He was standing close by, and when Y/N entered the house, he went closer.

“What happened today Y/N/N?” he hears Gilbert, who sounds worried

“Today, Ruby was talking about how she saw you with a girl. She saw us, Gilbert. Thankfully she didn’t see who the ‘girl’ was but I just can’t stop thinking about if she finds out. Our friendship will be ruined forever and-“

She was quickly cut off by his arms around her, pulling her into a hug, and then giving her a small kiss on the forehead.

“It’s ok. Ruby won’t find out... And if she did, I’m sure she wouldn’t be too mad.”

“I hope that’s the case, I really do.”

Sure, Ruby hadn’t found out, but Billy certainly did.

Days went on, and nothing too interesting happened. Ruby continued to gush about Gilbert, the other girls continued to pretend that they were interested, Mr. Phillips continued to give the students a very hard time, and Y/N and Gilbert kept meeting up.

What was different, was the fact that Billy had kept spying on Y/N and Gilbert. He kept collecting small bits of information from their conversations, just waiting to use them against the two. After all, he never liked them anyway.

However, on this particular day, the class had decided to stay behind to play a game. The class sat in a circle after Mr. Phillips had left, waiting for Josie to explain.

“Whomever the bottle points to, you are permitted to kiss.” she made sure to look at everyone as she said this. “It needs to be boy-girl, boy-girl.”

“Where does that leave Cole?” Billy sneered

The class laughed, but Y/N wished she could punch him.

“Jane, go sit next to your dumb brother. Tilly, you're over there... and Anne, switch places with Charlie.”

Gilbert sat quietly in the circle, the one day he had decided to stay behind, they were playing spin the bottle. With Y/N and Ruby there. But, if Y/N and him kissed, Ruby couldn’t get mad.. right?

The first round, Diana and Moody kissed, and then Anne and Cole, and before he knew it, it was Gilbert’s turn.

Gilbert took a deep breath and slowly spun the bottle, desperately trying to avoid eye contact with the h/c girl he so very loved... However, the odds weren’t on his side today. As he slowly looked up to see who the bottle landed on, he met Y/N’s eyes. Both of them immediately froze in place, Gilbert seeming more nervous than the other.

“What’s wrong, Blythe? Are you too scared to kiss your girlfriend in front of us? You embarrassed for having to date her? C’mon, don’t be too scared, she's not as bad as carrots.”

The whole class gasped, and Ruby looked over at Y/N.

“What he’s saying.. Isn’t true, right?”

“No, of course, it’s not true Ruby, you know I’d never hurt you-”

“She's lying,” Billy replies. “I saw them, meeting up, for weeks. They so desperately tried to hide from you.”

The short blonde girl’s eyes filled with tears. Never in a million years would she think that her best friend would betray her. Without thinking twice, Ruby ran out of the room.

After a moment of hesitation, Y/N runs after her, quickly catching up to Ruby, whos standing outside of the small school.

“Ruby...”

“Shut it Y/N! I can’t believe you were seeing Gilbert behind my back. All this time, I trusted you. I trusted that you wouldn’t talk to Gilbert, but you did. You knew that I liked him, yet you still went and stabbed me! Right in the back.”

She couldn’t even deny what Ruby was saying, because it was all true, and she felt terrible. Ruby and Y/N have been best friends since day 1, and when Ruby told the girls about her crush, Y/N wasn’t sure on what to say, because she knew she like Gilbert too. Seeing her best friend standing there, tear-stained cheeks, it killed her.

“Ruby. Please, let me explain.”

Ruby didn’t reply, as she tended to do when she was upset, but slightly looked over at the other girl, which was all she needed to start.

“I’ve always liked Gilbert, ever since I saw him. And I’ve always liked you. You were my first friend, and we’re the closest two friends in the group. So, when you told us that you liked Gilbert, I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to be a good friend, so I tried convincing myself that I hated him. I tried not to think of him, or talk to him, or even look at him! But it turns out he liked me too, he had liked me for a while. So, I tried to meet up with him secretly, so I wouldn’t hurt you. I know I probably should have told you, and I know you probably don’t forgive me, which is perfectly fine, but I hope we can still be friends.” Y/N finished, almost breathless.

“Your right. I don’t know if I can forgive you this very moment. However, that doesn’t mean I don’t want to stop being your friend, but I really, really wish you told me sooner.” A small smile forms from Ruby’s lips after this statement, like she's about to say something else.

“What? what is it?”

“Is Gilbert a good kisser? I mean, I’m still mad but-”

The two burst out laughing.

“Honestly Y/N, I don’t think I could ever hate you, but it’ll take me time to stop being mad at you... I should go back inside though, everyone’s probably stopped the game.”

“Yeah.. we should.”

They head back into the back room, where everyone is staring at the door, waiting for them to come back in.

“Is your argument over already? Well, good. We’re still playing, and Gilbert still needs to kiss Y/N before we move on.”

“Well, what do you say Y/N?”

“I say we get it over with before Josie bursts into flames.”

Gilbert smiles and then puts his lips against hers, and to answer Ruby’s question, Gilbert Blythe is a good kisser.

#gilbert blythe imagine #gilbert blythe x reader #gilbert blythe #anne with an e imagine #anne with an e #ruby gillis #ruby gillis x reader #x fem!reader #x female reader #oh my god this is trash #i hate this❤️ #I hope its not TOO bad tho

[redrabbitspod]

This is in no way meant to be rude or disrespectful and I am fully aware that you can do whatever you please but I feel like Neil is getting so out of character. He clearly started to develop more of an own personality but he definitely has been through so much and he is just so..cheery and happy and clingy all the time(which if you’re like that is in no way wrong or bad) and now he reminds me so much of Nicky in AFTG. It’s really hard for me to still see Neil.

OOC: This is very long, and while we think everything leading up to it is super important to our thought process (and yes this is something we’ve thought about) the bit in bold is the heart of the point we try to make. (Please read the whole thing though!)

Hey, I’m actually really happy that you sent this in because I’ve been wanting to talk about it. I know that there’s a post going around that we both wholeheartedly agree with about Neil reaching far past ooc and becoming very ‘fem’. Jeni and I had a really long talk about this because we were worried that our Neil would be perceived or mistaken to fit in that trope. And while I think your concern is EXTREMELY valid (note: people can write the characters however they want. It’s fanfiction, they can do as they please, like you said, we just did not want to go that direction), I have a few points as to why I disagree. 

On surface I definitely get that. Idk if you’ve read the entirety of RRP, but I know for those of you that just read the asks (Im sure there are a lot), it DEFINITELY seems that way. But we went into RRP right off the bat letting people know that these characters will fundamentally be different. In Andrew’s case, we know he’s extremely soft now and we bring that up a LOT in the fic. Both himself acknowledging it and all the other characters around him. But we went in knowing he was going to be very different from canon - mainly because we took out the plotline that he was ever put on meds. In Wish You Were Here, the story we are writing post-season 2, we will be mentioning that and how we twisted it. Because in canon, that shaped his entire character. The medication changed the physiology of his brain and we hated the fact that something so abhorrent was forced upon him by the courts that we didn’t do it. And as a result, Andrew’s character is completely different because he’s able to tap into emotions that were blocked in canon. He’s able to grow in ways that he was not able to before and besides the fact that this is set a good while after college and especially his sophomore year that we saw in canon, he was going to change. We definitely know that them admitting that they love each other, making strides in their relationship both physical and mental, opening up, expressing, for his character may seem extremely ooc for some, but we had to take into account what would’ve happened if we took the thing that shaped his character in canon away. I hope we’ve done him justice. 

Now onto Neil. Neil we work over a LOT. And when Jeni brought this up to me because of the post, there were glaring things in my mind that automatically said no. This doesnt apply to our Neil even though to some it may seem that way. Here’s what we’ve done at least very consciously to make sure that our Neil holds integrity to his canon character, that he holds merit and a backbone to back up how he’s grown throughout our series. 

From day one, we knew that they knew each other. We knew that an event from the past not only shaped how Andrew approaches life, but how Neil does as well. Childish sentiment and nostalgia kept Neil in Arizona for so long, which we imply throughout season 1 and start the ball rolling in the first chapter. For the both of them, they held onto the boy they met at the Grand Canyon through everything they’d been through. When shit got tough, it was each other they thought of. And on some wild whim, Neil hoped one day Andrew would walk through the Book Nook’s doors and he’d see him again. Not because Neil had a crush, because he didn’t. But because Andrew was the embodiment of strength for him. 

New York was really important to us. Neil standing his ground and letting Andrew know exactly what he’d done to him, was what the entirety of Season 1 and EVEN season 2 culminated and came back to. Neil being able to say no, fuck you asshole, and always express exactly how he was feeling, was so vitally important to us. ESPECIALLY when it came to Andrew. Those few weeks of New York we wanted to build a bridge if you will. Andrew’s intentions were always genuine and well-meaning and Neil knew that, but survival instincts and what’s been ingrained in him stuck. They started to have a little give when he came to realize that he felt something for the man before him. But he never lost that fight for himself. That HE has to ALSO be okay. And I think we see a lot in that trope of Neil that he loses the fight, the backbone, the integrity that makes his canon character so compelling (even if he is a martyr). 

One thing we worried people would misinterpret was how fast we pushed their characters together. We definitely get that. In our world we didnt really have the luxury of really stretching it out like some may have, just because we were working with real-time. And honestly? As we wrote, the drive to push them together because they were so connected and intertwined just fell genuinely and organically. For us, it only made sense and not because of canon, but because of the story we’d written already. It made sense to us for Andrew to be the one to hold himself back and Neil be the one reaching out - Neil be the one exploring and beginning to recognize what want and really, agency over himself AND his wants, was. Neil was the one to ask for their first kiss here, Neil was the one to initiate them all afterwards, Neil was the one that asked Andrew to touch him, Neil was the one that asked what they were in Arizona, Neil was the one to bring up sex. And in return, Andrew was peeling away layers of himself, feeling accepted, and wanted, and understood in ways he’d never been before. And honestly? Feeling honored that they were both experiencing emotions in ways that they both never felt before. We see their relationship has an equal give and take, a push and pull. And I’m saying all of this because it’s honestly and truly really important for why we’ve made Neil’s character the way that he is. 

Going into season 2, we knew that happiness could not last long. They both had things to sort out, they both had hurdles to hop over, bridges to cross, whole fucking oceans to swim. Before season 2 started, before we had anything written or really even solidly planned, we knew they had to break up. Jeni even had the scene written back in either july or august. We knew that in order to continue trying to give integrity to their characters and relationship, how far they’d grown but also that growth is not a linear path, we needed to break them up. And in the lead up to that, we made sure that Neil was not only looking out for Andrew or trying to, but that he was looking out for HIMSELF. Unlike in canon, he didnt automatically have the foxes - not in his head at least. Of course he knew he had a home there, he knew that he had friends, but they weren’t like canon because he didnt grow WITH them like he did in canon. In his mind, he really only had Andrew and if there was no Andrew, why stay? And when their fight happened we made sure that Neil had value enough in himself, care for himself, love for himself AND for Andrew that they couldn’t let this go on any longer. Neil left because he knew he deserved better. He knew Andrew needed help and he couldn’t provide it. And he held onto that. In fact, Andrew even held onto it himself: 

“Is there no hope, then?” Andrew asked, unable to help himself.

Neil sighed and Andrew was grateful that he at least didn’t pretend that he didn’t know what Andrew meant.

“I don’t know, Dr- Andrew.” Was it possible for his chest to hurt even more? He wanted to curl in on himself, but settled instead for clenching the sharp corners of the pack of cigarettes in his pocket into the palm of his hand. He watched as Neil bit the inside of his lip and that little indent appeared. Maybe he feels it, too . “Part of me wants to say fuck it all and let’s just go home. I hate this... But I hate what you’ve been putting me through these last couple of weeks even more. I can’t do that again,” he stopped talking once more and inhaled a shuddering breath. “You broke my heart, Andrew. I know I sound dramatic and stupid, but I don’t know how else to say it and - I don’t know how to do this, for fucks sake.” He finally turned to him, but the eye contact was brief and before it was even there, it was gone. “I came into this knowing nothing about relationships and I know even less about breakups. I don’t know how to navigate this.”

“You think I do?” Andrew asked. He didn’t mean  for it to sound so bitter, but there it was.

“I don’t know with you,” Neil shrugged. “I feel like you keep everything so close to your chest, that there are whole sections of you I’m missing. And listen, I don’t blame you. You should be able to choose what you want to share. But I can’t help that it makes things hard when you’re falling apart and I don’t know why...”

Andrew let go of the box and put both of his hands in his lap. Grinding his teeth together, he heard the beginning hum of Bee’s buzz , but took a deep breath to try and keep her at bay. Clearing his throat, he looked back to the stadium and that stupid orange fox paw, before he murmured, “What if I offer you a piece?” - suddenly and quickly said, it was as if his mouth was trying to outrun his mind, despite the second he took to contain it. He’d known this would eventually come - that he would have to do this. And besides, Neil deserved an explanation, even if they never got back together.

“Andrew-”

“I’m not offering with hopes that we’ll get back together right now, Neil. I’m working through shit the best I can. Therapy is helping, but I know it’s a process. I just know you deserve an explanation. And I haven’t wanted to tell you because it’s fucking horrific, but I was also afraid that it would send me even further down the spiral if I talked about it. Now that I have a space to vent through, I don’t think I’m so afraid of the fall.”

This part was so important to us for both Andrew and Neil’s character. And in the entire build up to the break up and directly after, Neil held onto the fact that they needed to talk. He kept bringing it up. Because he knew that if they didn’t it would escalate just like it did before. 

“I wouldn’t risk being with you again if I didn’t think things would be different. I’m not better and to be honest? I probably wont ever be better. I’ve spent my entire life dealing with my shit by myself because that’s just how it was. I’ve avoided relationships because I never trusted anyone with my baggage and I didn’t think it’d be fair to pile it on someone anyway. So when it comes to talking about shit - I’m not used to that. Bee was the only person I’d ever told everything to, and she doesn’t even know all of it.”

“I know that,” Neil said, leaning forward as if to show Andrew how much he actually understood. If that was the case, Andrew believed him. “I know you, Andrew. I would never force you to talk about something you don’t want to. That’s not what I’m trying to do. But , I need you to work with me, and if not me, someone else. Don’t take it out on me when you’re going through shit that neither of us can control. It’s not fair and it makes me feel like I’ve done something wrong and I can’t fix it.”

Now. Now we’re up to your points. I promise all of this was important for me to explain, because I know there’s literally SO MUCH that we’ve written, that shit happening now can get in the way of everything that’s happened before to lead up to this. 

We fully recognize that Neil is definitely happy. But he’s not happy-go-lucky and we tried really hard to make sure he didn’t lose his integrity - his backbone - the things that made Neil, Neil. 

Something I realized throughout this series was that I was getting worried that the focus of season 2 was so heavily on Andrew. I was seriously worried about that. But then I realized that Season 1 was focused solely on Neil. Season 1, Neil was a fucking wreck. It was Matt AND Andrew comforting him, Matt and Andrew bringing him down, Matt and Andrew trying to protect him, take care of him, find him, search for him, all of that. But even through Neil’s horrific anxiety and all the bad shit that happened, it was still Neil that pushed himself up from the ground, pulled Lola back, and gave Andrew the in. It was Neil that fought with the doctors and nurses to see Andrew and make sure he was okay. Even still afterward though, it was Neil discovering and Neil understanding and a lot of Neil, Neil, Neil. 

Season 2 is heavily focused on Andrew. We’ve already seen Neil’s story and his growth. Its Andrew’s turn to try and again, build his bridge to getting better. But with that, it was Neil that made the strides to speak and handle Ichirou, it was Neil that figured out things with his uncle, it was Neil that ultimately had the gun, brought Andrew for practice - took it out and demanded Andrew get behind him this time. It was Neil that looked Andrew in the eyes as the cops patted them down and desperately tried to tether them together.  It was Neil that kept reassuring Andrew they were going home. It was Neil that snapped the moment the cop tried to put his hands on Andrew to show them where their things were when they left the prescient, and ANDREW that allowed himself to be pulled into Neil’s arms in that moment, because he knew that he was the one thing that was SAFE. It was Neil that held Andrew that night and Andrew that LET himself be held as he broke down. 

That was one chapter ago. And we really tried to illustrate at the end that they have a life ahead of them now. They have a future - a future that is spread out and it’s bright and full of possibilities. They have a future where they can do what they want. They have a FAMILY. They have nieces, Aaron, Kate, Bee, the entire TFN team. Neil had nothing and now he has something. He has hope. 

Promise Im coming down to the end omfg. This is why our Authors and End Notes are so fucking long i swear to fucking god. 

This BTP chapter, we wanted to explore that fucking unbridled happiness. That elation of fuck - we have the world out in front of us. We don’t have any killers on our backs, Hailey is safe, Robin is safe, Jean is out, the Moriyama’s are taken care of, Stuart isn’t begging Neil to join the Hatford Branch, Aaron and Kate might be moving back to South Carolina, they’re married and all of that isn’t terrifying. It’s COMFORTING. So yes, this BTP chapter was bright and cheery. Neil was most certainly happy and showing it. Jumping on the bed, kisses all around, getting excited over ZOO BABIES and a ZOO CHOO train. But just because we show this side of him where he gets to go on a road trip and experience real and true fucking freedom for the first time, doesn’t mean that we’re all of a sudden shedding everything that we’ve built for his character. I don’t think that’s what you meant, but I mean it when I say we take the characters, the integrity of the characters, very, very seriously. Also in this chapter, Neil takes a homophobic asshole to task and not in the way that a lot of people do, but by quietly hinting at the threat because Neil doesn’t need bells and whistles. In fact, he even talked about how being happy was something his mother frowned upon: 

Because the way he looked at Neil when a butterfly landed on his finger or when he snuggled up to a goat in the petting zoo let Neil know that Andrew was happy. And he was happy.  That was something Neil never really had in his life. His mother didn’t care if he was happy, only that he was alive . In fact, the less happy he was, the fucking better. By her logic, he was less likely to go rogue if he didn't feel like there was something to be happy about outside of her. 

Neil’s finally had a moment to enjoy and let go and we know exactly how that can come off, but we have an entire future planned for them and the book they’re about to explore. Spoiler Alert: It won’t be all “butterflies and rainbows”. But all of this does not mean that all of a sudden we’re giving in to tropes and changing his character entirely because of one chapter. RRP and it’s characters mean too much to us. 

So I definitely get where you’re coming from and I’m so fucking sorry this is so long omfg. And I respect your view because we definitely worried that people would see them like that. But we have a reason for almost everything we do in this fic and really, we just wanted to see the boys happy here. We don’t believe he’s like Nicky and we don’t believe he’s clingy, but everyone interprets these characters differently, and you’re certainly entitled to that opinion. We hope this just makes our thought process on Neil’s development a little clearer. - The Creators

#Anonymous #red rabbits pod #ooc #rr answers 2

[yee-fxcking-haw]

What Happens Next?

A/N: This chapter is kind of short, so I hope you still enjoy it! The next chapter will definitely have a lot of smut and cheesy stuff in it so stay with me lol. If you want added to the taglist or if I was the worst and forgot to tag you please just message me and let me know!!

Summary: You and James finally have that long avoided talk.

Warnings: Violence, blood, mentions of mental illness, implications of sexual assault.

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four Playlist

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Part Five

Annie's Diner

James orders two chocolate milkshakes and plate of fries, thanking the waitress with a beautiful smile. Sitting in this diner with him feels absolutely surreal. It's obvious to you why you've refused to say a word to him since prom. He makes you weak. You feel yourself falling again, you're so easily swayed by him and you don't even want to fight it.

"Are you sure that's all you want to eat?" He asks, obviously trying to be careful with his words.

You just nod without a word. You keep your eyes glued to the table, pretending to be very intrigued by it. It kills you that this is almost awkward. You never dreamed that you and James would ever have a moment that would feel this unnatural.

"Doll?" He says, his voice has a questioning tone.

"I told you not to call me that." You say without looking up. You don't want to hear him call you that name ever again, he poisoned it when he used it for that other girl.

"What's her name?" You ask quietly, glancing up at him.

He sighs deeply, accepting the inevitable question.

"Elise, I never wanted to take her to prom." He explains.

"So you dumped for me somebody you didn't even like! That makes me feel so much better, thank you so much James." You say, filled with anger at his sorry ass explanation.

"She started the rumors about you, not me. As soon as she got into the gym that night she started spreading them." He blurts out, obviously desperate to convince you of his innocence.

"Honestly, I don't care who started the rumors. It almost makes it worse that you didn't. If you had, then you would at least be able to plead the case of clinging to your own lie, of not wanting to embarrass yourself by telling everyone that you were an asshole that made that shit up. Since somebody else started them, you had nothing to lose by telling everyone the truth. You didn't though, so that's what matters, not who started them, but the fact that you didn't stop them." You finish your little rant with a huge sigh.

Does he really think that he's going to get out of this by blaming somebody else? James just sits there, eyes wide. He looks so defeated already, like you just sucked all the life out of him. Maybe he's really starting to grasp just how much pain he's subjected you to.

"You're right, I didn't. Because I cared too much about what people thought and I was scared. I was stupid, and selfish, and it made me lose the best thing that's ever happened to me." He looks at you with pleading eyes.

"Save the Shakespeare bullshit, James. If I was the best thing you've ever had you wouldn't have thrown me away for somebody who meant nothing." You retort.

"I did not fucking throw you away. I did not dump you. I showed up expecting to meet you with Elliot and Henry, but then the girls were there like an ambush or something." He says, his voice laced with frustration.

"Listen to me, if I had turned Elise down right then and there, your life would have become a living hell." He says, lowering his voice like he's scared somebody will hear.

"Right, because she didn't do that anyway." You snap, words dripping with sarcasm.

"Do you remember that girl at the beginning of the year, the one that sang the national anthem at the football game?" He asks urgently.

You try to think back, you do remember her a little. She wasn't here for very long though, just long enough to sing the national anthem and then she left the school abruptly. She had the most beautiful black hair, that seems to be the only detail you can remember about her.

"Elise wanted to sing that, but the principal liked the way Wendy sang it." You begin to put the pieces together.

"When Elise found out that she wasn't going to sing it, she got very close to Wendy all of a sudden. She found out that she was pregnant because she was foolin' around with one of the football players." He explains.

"So she told the principal and got Wendy expelled." You fill in the rest.

"Where's Wendy now?" You ask.

"Last I heard she left town, she was about 6 months pregnant when she moved. Her and her parents just up and left one day." He says.

"Is that according to Elise?" You ask.

"That's according to Andrew, the guy that knocked her up." He states.

You sit quietly for a second, could one girl really hold that much power over a school? You think back to when you were called to the principal's office that Monday afternoon. You had plead your case honestly, but all the principal had to say was, "Evidence suggests otherwise". What the hell did that even mean? It sort of made sense now. Adults have never been good at taking people your age seriously. Especially if it's a grown man being asked to listen to a young woman. Unless of course, that young woman has something to offer him.

"So you were scared of what Elise might have done, then you saved your ass by pretending you didn't know me?" You ask, not really angry just trying to understand.

"I hate myself for it, but yes." He says.

"How did she even know you'd be there?" You ask, realizing how stupid the question is.

"Elliot told Annette, then Annette told Elise. You know how it goes." Annette is obviously one of the two girls that accompanied Elise that night.

"She was the one stalking me." He says.

"Stalking you?" You ask, your eyebrows shooting up in shock.

Just then the waitress shows up with your milkshakes and fries, sets them down quietly and asks if you need anything else. You say "no thank you" a little too quickly, trying to get back to the story James is telling as fast as you can.

"You've gotta be kidding me." You say, popping a fry in your mouth. Your anger is disappearing slowly, but you still cling to the fact that he hasn't made it right until now though.

"She was obsessed with me man." He says, sipping his shake.

"I caught her driving past my house, I even caught her looking in my bedroom window when I came home one night. I was scared what she might do to you if I didn't go along with what she wanted at prom." He seems genuinely stressed, visibly upset by how everything played out.

You just sit and listen, munching on your fries, occasionally drinking your shake. Every part of you wants to be mad at him, to yell at him for not making it right before now. He didn't even want to make it right really, he just happened to be at the dance hall tonight. By pure coincidence he saw Daniel dragging you out of there. Right? He couldn't have known you would be there tonight… unless.

"Molly?" You ask, realization suddenly hitting you like a bus.

He's not confused at all, his eyes just go wide.

"Molly set this up with you didn't she?" You say, voice growing in volume.

"She may have given me a call." He says calmly.

"Oh my God." You whisper.

"Doll, please-." You cut him off by staring daggers at him for using the nickname.

"Sorry, just please hear me out." He says cautiously.

"That's what I've been doing." You scoff.

He ignores your snark and keeps talking, taking it as some form of permission.

"I couldn't show any sign that I knew you at prom, for obvious reasons. I couldn't come talk to you after, I never found out where you live, I never got your phone number, I had no way of reaching you except for at school where you wouldn't even look at me. For good reason I know, but I just couldn't get to you." The words spill out of his mouth like he's running out of time.

"Then of course there was Elise, she was always breathing down my neck constantly. I tried to confront her one time, asked her what the hell her problem was. All she said was that I should watch it or she would get the principal involved. I can only guess that her rich ass parents were pumping money into the school, or maybe she was-"

"Or she was sleeping with the principal?" You interrupt to ask out of morbid curiosity, your eyebrows high and eyes wide.

"That's a possibility." James says.

"Either way, she had some kind of hold on him. Something that made it very difficult for him to combat anything she told him." He says.

"Jesus, this is like some twisted murder novel." You exclaim.

"Now I hate to use this line, but please believe me when I say this." He says with begging eyes.

"In a very messy way, I was trying to protect you. And when you wanted nothing to do with me, I couldn't force myself back into your life because that would just make you hate me more. I couldn't tell the school the truth because Elise would have dragged you down with me. If it had just been my own ass on the line I would have told everyone and their mother the truth, but I couldn't let her make things worse for you."

You both sit in silence, him waiting for a response, you waiting for him to go on.

"As soon as I could I found Molly and told her everything. She told me it would be hard to do, but that she was certain we could fix this."

"Traitor." You mutter, earning a chuckle from him.

"I had to wait. I'm not just saying this to sound dramatic, I was genuinely afraid of what Elise might do if she ever found out how I felt about you. Which are feelings I still have, by the way." He says quietly.

You just sit there, dumbfounded. He was being stalked, genuinely stalked. That's why he was so stiff that night, so unlike himself. Holy shit. James actually has a pretty good reason for what he did. It's not perfect by far, and you could sit here all night arguing about other options he may or may not have had. That would be a waste of time though. There's just one question burning in the back of your mind.

"Why didn't you ask Molly where I live, or what number to call?" You ask.

"I told you, I couldn't force myself into your life with you already so angry with me. While Elise could hurt me with words, I'm quite confident you could whoop my ass if I pushed you enough." He says, a teasing smile on his lips.

"I didn't want to ruin it doll, the most I could hope for was a night like tonight. I told you, I had to just wait. If I had pushed you or cornered you that would have been the last straw and you know it. I had to hold on to that hope that I had a sliver of a chance to…" He stops for a second, his face knits into a very pensive look.

"A chance to love you again." He finishes, seemingly content with the words he's found.

You hate how much sense it all makes. If Elise is really that batshit, he really had no other option than to just let everything play out until he could find a way to talk to you. A chance like tonight.

"That afternoon, it's irreplaceable. I know a lot of it happened really fast, and a lot of it was really intense." He says, the look in his eyes tells you he's thinking about the way you made love. Both of you were so reckless and full of passion. Your chest burns with desire, heart aching for his touch again.

"Well then what about now, James? Are we supposed to just be together and expect Elise to be over it just because we're not at school anymore? Is she still stalking you?" You ask.

"She's not here anymore. Her family moved to Florida, not before she broke one of the windows in my house for not calling her back though." He says and lets out a little laugh.

"Well shit." You say.

"So let me get everything straight. One of your friends let it slip to one of her friends that you would be at prom. She surprise attacked you and then you panicked and did your best to make it seem like you didn't know in an attempt to protect me. That wasn't good enough for her, so she started the rumors about me being your stalker for good measure?" You ask.

He nods silently.

"Then I was so pissed off that I wouldn't talk to you, for good reason in my mind. You couldn't expose the rumors as lies without painting an even bigger target on my back, so you just gave me my space, waited for Elise to not be a problem anymore, then conspired with my best friend to get me to the dance hall so you could finally have your chance to explain?"

Another quiet nod.

You chew your lip, it does all add up. You try to think of what you would have done in that situation. Of course you want to say you would never throw James under the bus, you would stand up for him and bravely profess your love, but human nature is a bitch. People panic and scramble to do what they think is best based on instinct. That's what James had done. You can't even be mad at him for not trying to get you alone to talk sooner, because you know you would have been too blinded with rage to do anything except flail your fists at him like you had earlier tonight.

"I am so fucking sorry doll." You don't even flinch at the name now.

"After I've said all of that, I need you to know that I know it's my fault. I should have told you about Elise that night on the roof, I should have warned you and kept you safe that way. I just didn't know how to really throw in the fact that I was being stalked without absolutely ruining everything. It was all so perfect, everything was perfect with you. It was all so new and overwhelming, I couldn't think straight. So when I saw you there, in those damn boots and that dress, I just fucking panicked. I only ever wanted to keep you safe, that's all I wanted. I just fucked it up. I really fucked it up." There are tears in his eyes now, he pulls his bottom lip into his mouth and breathes deeply in through his nose.

He's watching you with those beautiful eyes, waiting for you to say something, anything.

Then it hits you, there's something he still hasn't done. With Elise gone he has no reason to not tell everyone she made it all up.

"Then why haven't you told everyone the truth? That I never stalked you, that Elise did, that it was all a lie and-"

"I have, everyone I could get to listen, I told. I told them as soon as Elise left." He says.

It makes sense that you never heard of him doing so. You've avoided everyone from highschool since you graduated. That would definitely explain the lack of stares and whispering at the dance hall. Your presence no longer caused anxiety in everyone, because they knew the truth.

"Why didn't you ever call the police on her Buck?" You ask, slipping back into the habit of using his nickname. His shoulders relax a little bit when he hears it leave your lips.

"What good would that do? She's too young to go to jail, so the only other place they'd put her in is the asylum." He says, his voice very serious.

You start to feel very sorry for Elise. She has all that beauty, but she's so very sick. You understand how somebody could be that crazy over James, he's everything a girl could want. Your mind wanders to what all Elise must have been through in order to be so unstable. Your heart aches for the girl you only spoke to once. You had seen her around school a handful of times now that you think about it hard enough. Always smiling, always talking to somebody, always looking so pretty. Even after she ruined prom for both of you, even after she stalked him at his house and damaged his property, he didn't want to ruin her life.

"Her friends came and talked to me after she started driving by my house. Of course I asked them what was wrong with her, all they could say was that her parents were both too obsessed with their wealthy socialite lives to give her the time of day, so she became desperate for any attention she could get, to the point of getting involved with faculty. They told me her family was moving eventually and begged me to let them and Elise's parents deal with the situation. That way Elise wouldn't get herself into a bigger mess." He says the last part with a low serious voice, your jaw drops when you catch his implication.

"Good God." You gape at him.

"So they begged you to wait until she had moved to tell everyone the truth, so she wouldn't snap and get herself into legal trouble?" You ask, filling in the blanks, everything making sense now.

He nods, "She left two weeks after graduation. She came to my house and cried on my porch for two hours the morning they moved."

He seems like he feels guilty, like he wishes he had done more.

"There's a million things I could have done differently, and I'm so sorry for all the things I should have done. I'm sorry for not telling you everything right away, I'm sorry for being so fucking cold to you at prom, I-"

"James." You say, reaching across the table to grab his hand, he stills completely and looks at you like a deer in headlights.

"It's ok. It was all a shitshow, and you were doing the best you could. I understand now, I can see how you were just trying to protect everyone. It's ok." You tell him.

Every ounce of anger and pain has left your body. It all makes sense now. James did all that he could to keep everyone involved from hurting anymore than they already were. At his own expense, maybe his execution wasn't flawless, but he did everything he could to make it right. He's still doing everything he can. He's sitting here with you, begging you for another chance, owning up to all the ways he fucked up. Had he really though? You realize something you haven't yet, James may very well have the biggest heart of anyone you know. Filled with enough kindness to even want to protect a person who made his life hell.

"She's sick James, you didn't want to fuck her life up anymore than it already had been. I don't blame you for that, I don't blame you for how you handled it." You explain.

God this night has done a complete turn around. As soon as you saw him, you agreed to talking with him and you fully expected him to tell you that he and Elise had been together all along, that he had gotten caught up in the moment with you and that he was sorry for leading you on. You never imagined that James had been carrying this load all by himself the past few months. It's all absolutely insane, and incredibly difficult to wrap your mind around. You feel so much relief at the fact that James had never lied to you about his feelings, and a significant amount of guilt for never reaching out to him to give him a chance to explain.

"I'm sorry that I never even-"

"Doll, don't. You had every reason to cut me out of your life. You were trying to protect yourself." He says, he squeezes your hand for reassurance.

You feel like you should have trusted what you shared that afternoon instead of acting purely on emotion, then maybe you would have been able to heal quicker. Then you remember the sensitive timeline with Elise, she would have done everything in her power to ruin what you and James have if she had been around to see it. Everything that happened had to happen that way for the safety of everyone involved.

"I haven't stopped loving you. I can't, I know I can't. Which sounds absolutely fucking insane, but I just feel it. You're still the most incredible thing I've ever seen." He says.

You don't even feel like you're in the diner anymore, it feels like you've floated to the roof and you're suspended in the sky, high off of the feeling of being loved again.

"It's ok if you can't say it back, I know we've only really spent half of a day together, but I've been miserable without you and I can't see myself ever feeling this way about somebody else so, I know what I feel. I know that I love you." He says it like somebody's about to cover his mouth to stop him from telling you.

You open your mouth to tell him that you love him too, that everything is ok, that you guys are going to figure it out, but you freeze when you hear the bell of the door jingle then see a large man in uniform walk through the door. You feel your entire body tense up, anxiety welling in your chest as your throat closes and your palms begin to sweat.

"Oh shit." You say quietly.

It's fucking Daniel, how the hell did he find you? He's accompanied by the boy that danced with Molly, and one other stocky blond man.

"What?" He asks, bewildered he turns his head towards the door.

"Oh shit." He says, whipping his head back around to look at you with terrified eyes.

"What's the plan if he-" James starts to say, but he's cut off by a loud voice.

"Hey punk, that's my girl you're sitting with." Daniel states, slurring his words just a little at the end.

James' chest inflates and he gives you a stern look. Anger flashes in his eyes.

"James don't." You try to say it as harshly as you can, but he's already moving before you can get the words out.

Everyone in the diner is frozen, watching with dropped jaws and wide eyes. Even the wait staff has paused to observe, those behind the counter have halted their cooking so they can gawk. This stupid small town, everyone's always so desperate for drama.

"Oddly enough, I don't remember her ever agreeing to be your girl." James starts, rolling up his sleeves as he talks. Is this idiot really about to try and fight off three soldiers?

"-but you don't strike me as a man who cares too much about consent." He says, dropping his voice a little to stress the weighty implications of his words.

Daniel's fists ball up at his sides, his friends start to glance around the diner with anxious eyes.

"Boys, if there's to be a fight y'all better take it outside." One of the older waitresses says loudly, obviously sick and tired of all these young bucks bringing their nonsense into her diner.

"What a great idea ma'am. Shall we gentlemen?" James asks with all the confidence in the world. God he really is an idiot.

"James-" You start, but the men are already stomping through the door into the parking lot.

"Fucking hell." You huff, you throw money down on the table out of your clutch, inevitably taking out way too much for some shakes and a plate of fries.

"Keep the change!" You say with an urgent voice as you gather yourself and run towards the door.

The boys have circled around to the side of the building, horrible fluorescent lights illuminating the scene. They've got James completely surrounded, almost backing him into a wall already. You know you aren't going to be able to stop this, not with all the damn testosterone and adrenaline already pumping through all of them. The most you can do is make sure it's a fair fight.

"Alright look. If y'all are gonna fight, you're not going to do this bullshit where you just outnumber him so you can win." You nearly shout.

"This is between James and Daniel, you goons need to step off." You say it like you're a strict teacher telling them off for whispering in class. You can't fucking believe that you're playing referee for this idiotic dick measuring contest.

"Unless you're all cowards who don't feel like you could beat him unless the fight is unfair." You finish then cross your arms, your plan to challenge their masculinity obviously working.

"I could take this prick in my sleep." Daniel says, rolling up his sleeves with clumsy drunk hands, "Watch and learn boys." His two friends glance at each other then take the cue to step back and let this fight be his.

James gives you a quick look, the corner of his mouth twitching up into a cocky smirk. His eyes say thank you, while he rolls his shoulders back and brings his fists up while Daniel steps towards him. Your fool in shining armor runs a hand through his hair and winks at you, you assume to thank you for getting Daniel's cronies to back off. You internally curse him for looking so damn handsome.

"Was one hit not enough pal? You want some more?" James says, cocky as ever. Your stomach twists with nerves, he's pushing it. He and Daniel are about the same size. Daniel is maybe an inch or two taller, but James has more bulk to him. Of course you want to say James is going to win, but it could really go either way.

Daniel sneers at him then cracks his knuckles, taking a hulking step towards James. James opens his mouth to make another snarky remark, but is cut short by Daniel's fist landing right on his jaw. Right where you hit him earlier. It makes a horrible cracking sound and blood sprays out of his mouth. You gasp and have to fight the urge to run and stand between them, knowing that would only make James more bent on fighting for you.

He seems completely dazed by the impact, stumbling back while he holds his face. He pulls his right hand away to look at the blood pouring out of his mouth. Before you can even process it, Daniel lunges at James, knocking him to the ground. They both smack on the pavement with a grunt, Daniel has James pinned to the ground and he just starts swinging, hitting anywhere he can, much like you did earlier. Except Daniel is drawing blood. James has his arms up, acting like a cage over his face. They're taking most of the blows, but Daniel occasionally gets his fist through to hit his face again.

"Fucking do something!" You scream at his gawking friends. They both jump and look at each other, not having any idea what to do.

"Stop!" You scream, running over to where Daniel is still laying into James.

You know you won't stand a chance just using your fists, so all you can think to do is kick. Kick like hell. You run up to Daniel, you bring your upper body in tight then let your right leg swing forward, bringing your foot full force into Daniel's face. He howls and falls back off of James, who takes the opportunity to jump and scramble backwards.

"You fucking whore!" Daniel yells, standing up to stalk towards you. That's when his friends finally intervene, each grabbing an arm to hold him back.

"Call the police, somebody call the police!" A woman's voice yells from behind you. You look wildly around, unaware of the crowd that had gathered.

Daniel and his friends panic at those words, faces white as they scramble back towards their car. Daniel turns and spits at you, swearing under his breath while his friends drag him away.

You hear James groan and your heart freezes in your chest. He's lying flat on his back, hands holding his face.

"Oh God, James." You run to him and drop to your knees. There's blood coming from his nose and his mouth, and his left eye is already swelling. He lets out a breathy laugh, gazing at you with heavy eyelids.

"I'm alright doll, doesn't hurt half as bad as when you socked me." He says, lopsided smirk spreading across his lips.

"You fucking idiot. Bucky, what the hell were you thinking?" You ask, cradling his head, you wipe his hair off of his forehead and cup his jaw. He looks up at you with an earnest look in his bright blue eyes, they appear almost silver in this lighting.

"He said you were his girl." He says with a weak voice.

"So?!" You almost yell at him, but you catch yourself.

"You're my girl." He says simply, then he winces and screws his eyes shut. His face relaxes and his head goes limp and falls to the side. Your chest fills with terror.

"James? James!" You yell, shaking him while you do. You know he isn't dead, but he's still unconscious, and that's enough to panic you. You hear somebody yell about an ambulance, but all you can focus on is James. God, this is all your fault.

@b-o-n-e-daddy @lillsrecs @all-art-is-quite-useless @brownlee-22 @peace-love-hobbitness @pinknerdpanda @supernaturalwintersoldier @can-i-sin-right-now @pennyroyalcreep @jessyballet @calwitch @aurora-sweet @learisa

#bucky barnes #sebastian stan #bucky barnes smut #bucky x reader #bucky x you #captain america #marvel smut #sebastian stan smut #bucky barnes imagine #marvel fanfiction #comics #comic fantasy #marvel

[chessainthowhisboyfriendthinks]

I have a lot of thoughts about The Prom that I can articulate now that it’s not 5am so if you’re not interested just scroll past this.

So I have a really strong connection to this show because I grew up in a town just like Emma and experienced a lot of the same things. I might possibly be biased because The Prom definitely holds a special place in my heart but I think it’s a really great show. Admittedly, I didn’t get to see it on Broadway so I don’t know how the movie compares to the show but these are my thoughts about the movie.

I already talked about it a lot but I’m still really angry about James Corden being cast as Barry. Having him being cast as Barry was hurtful and disrespectful. Having him deliberately act as a gay stereotype felt borderline if not mildly homophobic. Having him try to portray the trauma that actual LGBTQ+ people go through while never having to worry about actually going through the experience himself was really disgusting. Straight people will never have to worry about how their loved ones will react when they start dating someone. They’ll never have to worry about being thrown out of the house or worse because of who they love. I come from a fairly progressive family who I knew would accept me and I still sobbed the entire day that I came out because it was terrifying. Straight people don’t get it and it’s really gross to me to have them pretend like they do. I’m upset but nothing can be done about this situation so I’m done talking about it now.

I feel like there are some kind of harmful narratives in this story that are just kind of glossed over. I know we don’t know the exact details of Barry’s past but considering he would have grown up in the 80s/90s, his parents probably reacted pretty poorly to his coming out. Dee Dee insisting he call them and make up so he “doesn’t have regrets” and then hacking into Barry’s phone and calling his parents to come see him is just...beyond awful. So often there’s this narrative that we need to forgive our family even if they hurt us terribly just because they’re related to us and I need it to stop right now. You don’t owe the people that hurt you anything and that doesn’t change just because they’re related to you. I think the reunion was supposed to be a nice heartwarming moment but personally I really hated it(especially because Barry was a straight man but okay we’re done with that).

On the same note of not owing people anything, it really felt like Emma was pressuring Alyssa to come out. Maybe this wasn’t the case but that was really what it seemed like to me. I’m all for flawed characters and I feel like this could’ve been solved by one of the adults having a conversation with Emma about it but since nothing like that happened, it just felt like this was an okay thing to happen. And I’m just worried about the message it’s sending to young people. Especially ones who are in a potentially dangerous situation similar to Alyssa’s. Coming out is such a personal thing and it should be done on the person’s own terms when they’re ready. Being pressured to come out or forcibly outed is just something that really gets under my skin.

The final problem I had with this show is that the story is really about the adults becoming better people. I thought the main character was Emma but it’s really Dee Dee and Barry a bit. I feel like there could’ve been a better balance or a shift that put Emma and Alyssa more in focus. It just seems like it was marketed as a queer movie but it’s more about straight people using queer people to better themselves, if that makes sense.

It probably sounds like I hated this movie but honestly I really enjoyed it! The music is super cute, I really enjoyed most of the cast, Andrew Rannells aggressively chasing those kids through the mall and singing at them was incredible, the costumes had me swooning. And the scene at the end just had so much queer joy, it legitimately made me cry. It’s what I wish my high school experience could’ve been like. I’m really glad we have this movie now and I’ll definitely watch it again sometime. I’d say it’s a solid 6-7/10.

#the prom #feel free to correct me on any points or slide into my inbox to talk more! #like i said i never saw the stage show so I'm not sure how the movie compares #i also probably need to watch again because it was 3am when i watched it #i was very excited lol

[mainly-kpop]

Selfish wishes

Word count: 5221

Warnings: none to note

‘Like what Jimin? You told me you couldn’t take things-‘ his lips landed on hers, successfully shutting her up. He pulled away too quickly. But she wouldn’t chase him. ‘Now that, I won’t be forgetting anytime soon.’

Banner by @lightupmyass/@ot7-hoes

Merpeople weren’t supposed to make wishes, weren’t supposed to wish to be anything else. Jimin didn’t, he didn’t want anything else, he was happy. Once, he heard about a mermaid who made a selfish wish. She wished to be a human so she could be with a man. Disgusting if you were to ask him, but he would never force his views on someone else. Once a month, he was allowed to surface anywhere he wanted in the world. The only thing being he couldn’t leave that beach, but he didn’t mind. He spent the whole day looking into the water anyways. One day as a human was enough for him anyway.

On the 14th of every month, Jimin surfaced at a different beach in the world. His most hated beach was in Scotland, St. Andrews. It was deathly windy, he swallowed more sand than what lay on ocean floor that day. He never went back.

Today he surfaced on a little beach, just south from his home. Usually he liked to adventure, to try new beaches around the world. Today he felt lazy though, deciding to just stay home for the day.

It was early August, and despite the ever changing weather, she felt the beach calling her. She made her way to the secret place, climbing over the rocks to the smaller beach area. Startling slightly, she saw a young man sitting there too. He didn’t have anything with him, just alone with his thoughts. He stared at the ocean, as if he didn’t even hear her round the corner. He had heard her, he didn’t want to look up, too busy watching his friends tail in the water. He was lucky, his looked like a dolphin tail so he could swim as close as he wanted without being caught.

Jimin’s tail was midnight blue, but it glistened and sparkled bringing plenty of attention to him. They never spoke that day, but he stole plenty of glances. She was quite beautiful, for a human. She had tied her hair up, trying to keep it tame with the wind whipping it around. Laying on her stomach, book held between her thin fingers. Yes, she was quite pretty. Jimin might just visit this beach more often.

The 14th of next month he pulled himself up onto the beach. It wasn’t a very nice day, but it was still warm. She was determined to see him again. He hadn’t been there the last couple of times she had been there. Wondering if it was just a one off thing, but low and behold. There he was, sitting on the beach alone again, with nothing. She regarded him curiously before laying down her towel and bag, dipping her toe into the water. Cold. Of course it was cold. Sighing she retreated back to her towel, pulling her book out.

‘What are you reading?’ a quiet voice spoke, eyes curiously fixed on her. She startled slightly looking over at him.

‘Oh, um, it’s called The Secret Garden. Really it’s a children’s book, but I really like it.’ Honestly this was about her 6th time reading this, she couldn’t get enough of it.

‘May I see?’ He spoke, shuffling himself closer to her. He was attractive and rather intimidating, she just nodded handing him the book.

‘What is it about?’ He asked again, sure his questions were getting on her nerves. She just smiled at him tilting the book around, trying to figure out what to do with it. He was cute, strange but cute.

‘It’s about a girl, who finds a secret garden when she moves in with her uncle. Her and her cousin clean it out, and take care of it. That’s it really.’ He screwed his nose up, handing her back the book, holding nothing but the cover page.

‘Sounds boring.’ He spoke plainly, realising too late that was rude. She said it was her favourite book and he insulted it. ‘Oh, sorry...’ He apologised quickly. She just smiled, shaking her head and taking the book back.

‘No you’re right, it does sound rather boring. I promise it’s worth it though. Would you like to borrow it?’ His eyes popped open. Having human things was forbidden, all thanks to that mermaid he spoke of before. Stupid girl. He shook his head, holding his hands out in front of him in protest.

‘No thank you. I cannot read.’ He lied, looking down at the sand around him.

‘That’s okay! I can read it to you if you like?’ She mused, placing her hand comfortingly over his. He just smiled and nodded, sitting down beside her. He followed along with her as she read.

For 3 months she read the book to him, finally finishing it late on November the 14th. Closing the book, she sighed. She looked over at him, he lay on his stomach looking up at her.

‘Okay, it was not as boring as I thought. My apologies, once again.’ She put the book in her bag, getting her things ready to leave.

‘What is your name by the way? I mean, we’ve been hanging out for four months now and I still, don’t know your name.’ Usually he wouldn’t give his name to anyone. After all if you name something, you become attached. It had to be the same for people right? As soon as he finds out her name, he could become attached. Who’s to say he wasn’t already. This is the longest he had ever stayed home, the most times he had visited one beach.

‘Uh, Jimin. Yours?’ He scolded himself for asking hers. She told him her name, it was a pretty name. A name he could get used to rolling off his tongue past his lips.

She had been asked out three times this week. She knew it was valentines day, and really she probably should be going out on dates. There was a boy waiting for her however, a boy she had grown fond of. She knew nothing about him really. She knew he was from around here, he loved the beach and the water. Said he would have gills if he could! She knew he was smart and funny, and a shit faced liar. He told her he couldn’t read all that time ago. Last month he pointed to the ‘no trespassing sign’ raising an eyebrow at her.

‘you probably shouldn’t be down here.’ He whispered, sending a chill down her spine.

‘Neither should you, Mr. I can’t read...’ He blushed crimson, explaining he couldn’t bring things home. His parents were strict and didn’t like new things in their home. He apologised profusely, she just giggled at him.

Heading to the beach early she set up a little picnic for them. He saw her already on the little beach area, fumbling with some things. He smiled kicking his tail away, getting the strange little feet instead.

‘How do you always manage to beat me?’ She smiled, it faltered slightly as she took his appearance in. His hand ran effortlessly through his wet hair, pushing it back from his face. His body glistened with water and honestly, she was speechless. She had seen him shirtless this whole time, but it wasn’t really something she had actively focused on before.

He caught her eyeballing him, he worked it to his advantage, getting on his knees in front of her. Their faces were close, he could feel her breath fanning the cold water droplets on his face.

‘What do we have here?’ He whispered, gazing at her lips before sitting back, creating a little distance. She cleared her throat, suddenly snapping out of the trance he had her in.

‘Oh um, it’s just a picnic. I though, we never really do anything while we are here so. Food!’ She spoke, broken sentences making him snicker. He nodded sitting across from her, she picked up something and threw it in her mouth. He copied her, not really sure what he was supposed to do. Of course he ate with his family, and had seen humans eat before. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to react though, how he was supposed to pretend like he was human.

‘So where do you live?’ She asked, popping another green round object in her mouth. Jimin liked this thing, it was juicy and sweet.

‘Just here and there I guess. Wherever the tide takes me.’ He winked. He got the joke, of course she wouldn’t though.

‘You mean you don’t have a home?’ She questioned, hurt and fear lacing her voice. How could he have been living out here for months on end, all on his own. No wonder he never had anything with him! He raised his hands shaking them side to side.

‘No, no! I do have a home, I just like moving around, trying to find a place I feel I belong. It’s not that I don’t love where I come from. It’s just we don’t wish for things, nor do we try to become something we are not. However, I’m not sure I’m 100% happy yet, with who I was born as.’ She just nodded, relaxing slightly.

‘As happy as I am that you do actually have a home, I’m sad for you. You should feel happy in your own skin, and it doesn’t matter if you are supposed to wish for things or not. If you want something Jimin, go get it. I trust you will find yourself eventually, and if that means you don’t do as you are meant to. Then so be it.’ She threw the green oval at his chest, it bounced off, landing somewhere in the sand. He giggled at her, throwing one of the red circles at her they were just bigger than the green object. Jimin didn’t like this one, it didn’t taste as sweet the juices exploding in his mouth in a way he didn’t like. She gasped as the tomato hit her arm, picking up another grape to launch at him, but he just opened his mouth, catching it effortlessly.

‘Thank you for the food today. I enjoyed it a lot.’ He spoke as she packed her things away, getting ready to leave. The sun was setting now, the purples and pinks colouring the sky and the water beside them. Her skin glowed in the colours, giving her skin a deep tint, or maybe she got a tan today. Unlikely with the February weather however.

‘Anytime, I can do the same next week if you want?’ He nodded vigorously, a happy smile plastered across both their faces. ‘Okay, well. I shall see you in a month Jimin, don’t miss me too much!’ She yelled, walking over to the rocks to hoist herself up. She turned at the sound of her name, Jimin running up behind her.

‘Give me something to remember you by...’ She frowned.

‘Like what Jimin? You told me you couldn’t take things-‘ his lips landed on hers, successfully shutting her up. He pulled away too quickly. But she wouldn’t chase him. ‘Now that, I won’t be forgetting anytime soon.’

‘Same here...’ He whispered, stepping back letting her get home.

He breached the surface, slamming his legs together getting his tail back. He wanted to make a wish, he wanted to make a stupid, selfish wish. He would never make it closer to his home, fear of sea witches or his family hearing him. So close to the surface, hardly swimming further than humans would to snorkel, he whispered his wish.

‘I want to be human, I want to be human for her.’ Satisfied he got it off his chest, he hummed contently swishing his tail to get back home.

In the distance, hidden behind a school of fish. A sea witch hummed to herself, making the fish swim off in fright. A selfish wish hmm? She hadn’t seen one of those in a long time. Heading back to her little home, she rejoiced. It would take her about a month to make this potion, so she was glad he had picked this spot for a while.

On the 14th as always, Jimin swam up to the shore, waiting for her. Before he could snap his tail away, something grabbed his hand, pulling him down to her level.

‘I heard you. Your wish, if it’s what you really want. I can do it.’ He squinted at her, sudden realisation hitting him like a harsh wave.

‘I made no such thing, get off of me witch!’ He struggled, she just laughed, holding the little potion out to him.

‘Do as you please Jimin darling. Here it is, there is one catch however. If you take the potion you get as you wanted, be human for her. I do love a specific wish, however you did wish it for her. If you cannot get her to fall in love with you by this time next month, you will die Jimin.’ Jimin thought this was fairly easy, they had kissed already. She spent valentines day with him. Surely she at least had a crush on him, correct?

‘What’s the catch? There’s always a catch with you witches. It’s not just death is it?’ He spoke, swinging the little bottle in his hand. She laughed beautifully, she wasn’t an ugly witch, not like the ones described to him in the tales his father told. She was quite beautiful, white tale glimmering with specks of blue and pink.

‘She shall not remember you, her memories of you, and your time together will be gone. That is but my only catch. Do as you please Jimin, you have a month.’ She swam away quickly, leaving Jimin to his own thoughts. There was no doubt she was already on the beach, waiting for him. The potion glowed from within the bottle, green with glistening of blue throughout it. He sighed, he did love her, but was it worth being the thing he hated the most? Hopeful.

Taking the cap off he shrugged, swallowing the whole potion. Light gleamed around him, whipping viciously around his tail. He struggled in the water, slowly losing the ability to breathe. He coughed and stuttered, trying to swim up to the surface. His hand and head shot above for a second, a small plea for help, coming up. Realistically he should have taken the moment to breathe. Hands grabbed his waist, dragging him towards the shore, throwing him down on the sand. He spluttered the water out of his lungs, gasping for breath. She smacked his back as soon as he rolled onto his side, helping him get it all up. Pushing his hair off his face she soothed him, it made Jimin feel warm, but when he let their eyes connect, he knew. She didn’t know who he was, just a poor lost soul she saved from drowning. That broke Jimin’s heart more than knowing, he let his family down. He became the one thing he said he never would want to be. Human.

‘Are you okay what happened?!’ She spoke, genuinely worried for the boy. He sat up, she wrapped the towel around his shoulders drying his face gently. That’s when she realised he was crying, the tears streaking down his face mixing with the water. She shushed him, wiping away the tears that continued to fall.

‘I’m sorry, it’s just. I’ve done something really stupid, oh my god I’m so fucking stupid!’ He bawled, ugly crying at this point. He wouldn’t want to see himself right now, he’s glad he couldn’t. He calmed himself down, realising quickly he had a month to make her fall in love with him. A few short sniffles later, and her wiping his tears. He soothed down to just a light shake.

‘What happened to you?’ She spoke in a small voice, scared to set him off again.

‘I made a wish, I made a really stupid wish. Now I have nowhere to go, no home, no family. I’m alone.’ Her heart bled for him, it really did. She hated seeing people in pain, or sad. He seemed like a nice man, someone she could trust. Not able to put her finger on the familiarity of him though.

‘What’s your name?’ She spoke, sitting down right in front of him. Tightening the towel around his shoulders, she told him her name. He let it float around his head for the second time, it didn’t feel real that she didn’t know him.

‘My name is Jimin, I’m sorry I’m making this a you problem. I should just try to deal with it myself...’ She smiled at him, standing up. He watched her walk over to her bag, putting her book in there and holding her hand out to him.

‘If you will allow me, I’d like to help you Jimin. I can’t quite put my finger on why I’m so trusting of you, but I am. I have a house not too far from here, and I’d like to offer you the spare room. Just until you figure things out, I don’t mind if you don’t.’ He let a half smile slide across his face, grabbing her hand. They walked together to the edge of the beach, Jimin stopping instantly. He had never been off any beach he came across, he wasn’t allowed. This seemed very unnatural to him, causing a shiver to run up his spine. He looked back at the ocean one more time, seeing a white fin slip back under the surface. Stupid witch.

‘You coming?’ She smiled, putting her hand back out for him. He took it gingerly, stepping cautiously over the beach threshold. He had heard about mermaids who evaporated as soon as they stepped the line, his father was really one for spooking his kids.

She tried to ask him over the course of the first week what happened to him, what this wish was and why he was cast out. He wouldn’t answer, would dodge the question at all costs. He would change the subject, going on to ask her a weird question about something, promising they didn’t have them back where he lived. He would get startled by a light turning on or an alarm going off, would look strangely at the light in the fridge or the stove. Once he tried to touch the hotplate on the stove, her screaming at him not to do that. He jumped back in fright, she felt strange having to explain it was hot to him. Like teaching a toddler what to and what not to touch when they are walking around. By the second week she had completely given up on the question just letting him live.

‘What does this do?’ He spoke, holding her straighteners in his hand. She smiled plugging them in, motioning for him to sit in front of her.

‘Don’t touch it. It’s hot.’ He nodded affirmatively, making her laugh.

‘Do not touch it, like the hot plate on the cooker and the triangle that makes your clothes straight.’ She rolled her eyes, I mean he wasn’t wrong.

‘Yes, exactly. These are for your hair, so they do have to go quite close to you. Do you trust me?’ She spoke, holding a strip of his hair between her fingers.

‘With my life peaches, with my life.’ He used to call his friend that back home, but it seemed to fit her more. He called him it because his tail was a peachy pink colour, dusted with light orange tones and pale reds. She blushed at the heaviness of his words, the nickname only encouraging it tenfold.

‘See, peachy.’ He spoke, poking his fingers into the puffiness of her cheeks. He jerked his finger away as she moved her face, aiming to bite it. She snickered at his dumbfounded expression, grabbing the section of hair again. He sat as she played with his hair, he felt the intimacy of it, but he guessed to her it was just friendly.

She felt warm inside, it wasn’t like she was taking care of someone. It’s like she had a friend, a really good friend she could talk to or cuddle with. She trusted him, as if she had known him for months, but she hadn’t. Sometimes people have a weird effect on you, feeling like you had known them a life time. She felt like, she knew him better than most people she had known her whole life.

‘There, all done.’ She smiled, turning the hot iron off, placing it somewhere out of both their reaches.

‘Don’t stop...’ He pleaded, turning around to rest his head again the couch. His eyes locked with hers, upside down. A small, fond smile spread across her face as she laced her hands in his hair. It was soft and thick, it felt nice between her fingertips. Jimin wasn’t used to this body yet, wasn’t used to the little things it could do yet. Like when she ran her fingers through his hair, it felt nice. He made this little noise from his throat, eyes closed, so he didn’t catch the blush that caressed her cheeks. The little moans spilling out his mouth, it sounded pretty. He had pretty little moans that made her heart leap and thighs clench.

He couldn’t tell the effect he had on her, that much was obvious. However, him constantly climbing into her bed was going to be causing her problems. It was maybe way back in the second week in when he started knocking on her door. Now deep into his third week, he was still milking it, climbing in every night. He only had just under one week left, if he couldn’t get her to love him then he would just have to let it be one sided.

The problem was he couldn’t sleep, it was strange for him, to be out of the water, every noise scared him and sleeping just seemed like a distant memory. At this point, he basically lived in her room too. Tonight was particularly hard for him, the realisation of his time limit weighing on his heart. A soft sob came from beside her, she rolled over to see if he was okay. Sitting up on the bed he silently wiped his tears, sniffling quietly.

‘Hey, what’s wrong?’ She quizzed, sitting up to be in front of him. He startled slightly, wiping away any evidence he had been crying. She knew already though.

‘It’s nothing don’t worry, sorry to wake you. Please, go back to sleep.’ He whispered, motioning for her to lie back down. His hands pressed to her shoulders to move her. She just grabbed his hands, lacing their fingers together.

‘I’m not going to sleep while you are sad Jimin, please tell me what’s got you in such a state?’ He let out a pitiful laugh, stroking his thumb tenderly over the back of her hand. She looked down at them, bringing her lip between her teeth.

‘Can you read to me?’ He changed the subject again, it’s not like he didn’t want to tell her. His story was so far fetched though, even he wouldn’t believe it.

‘Sure, what do you want me to read you?’ He smiled, knowing exactly what book he wanted. Even if it took her the next week to read it to him, it’s all he wanted to hear.

‘Do you know, the secret garden?’ a wide smile spread across her face as she leaped out of the bed. Grabbing the book from the bookcase, she sat back in the bed, letting him get comfortable before she began.

‘... And by his side, with his head held up in the air and his eyes filled with laughter walked as strongly and steadily as any boy in Yorkshire—Master Colin!’ She spoke the last line, slamming the book closed. Jimins smiled, eyes the shape of crescent moons.

‘I love that story! It sounds so boring to most people, but I love it so much peaches!’ He spoke, taking the book out of her hand, lying it on the bedside table. He had one more day, one day left with her. One day left to shower her in love, he wouldn’t say his time was wasted. Nor would he say he was happy for it. Of course he wished he was still home, playing with his brothers or hearing tales from his dad. He wished he could feel his tail one more time, or chase the fish around the ocean. He wished he only had to be up here for one day.

Legs were exhausting, they always needed stretched and his toes never sat comfortably. They marked so easily, especially when bumped against something. In fact the whole human body seemed to be fairly weak. And this THING between his legs was a nightmare too! It was a decent size most of the time, and not uncomfortable. It was soft and interesting to touch and tug on, but if he did it for too long it got hard. A funny feeling bubbling in his stomach, he thought he might be sick or pee himself. He wasn’t sure. Rushing to the toilet he sat on the floor, but it wouldn’t relent.

‘I need your help!’ He spoke, after she had been banging on the door, trying to make sure he was okay. The door opened to Jimin, half naked, dick fully on show. It was a nice dick, from what she saw of course. Because the second she got an eye full of it, she smacked her hand across her eyes.

‘WHOAH MY DUDE, PUT THAT WEAPON AWAY!’

‘IT’S A WEAPON?! IT’S NOT GOING TO EXPLODE RIGHT!?’ She burst into a fit of laughter, trying to council the boy through what must be his first boner.

‘I mean, it won’t if you don’t tug on it... JIMIN I’M JOKING STOP SCREAMING!’ Thus, ensued the birds and the bees talk. Honestly she didn’t expect to give one of these to someone over 13. Even more so someone who wasn’t her own child, but here she was, forcing him to put pants on so she could explain his manhood.

Even so, randomly it would happen, even if he wasn’t playing with it. In the morning when he woke up, when he thought about being close to her body. When she walked about in just pants and a shirt, or when she would touch him in the most innocent ways. He usually got one because of her, but he knew he couldn’t ask her to help. Call it instinct.

‘Do you want to go to the beach tomorrow?’ She spoke, breaking him out of his thoughts. He frowned tilting his head before he realised what day it was. Tomorrow was the 13th, the day before everything ends. ‘Usually the 13th and 14th are my beach days. I don’t know why I just like going.’ He just nodded, becoming very quiet.

They sat at the beach all day, she had made a picnic and honestly he couldn’t tell if it was a satisfying last meal or not. He was with her, it was good enough. She read him the start of a new book, letting him just lie there. He let the water tickle his feet, brushing against them as the tide got higher.

‘Maybe we should go, the tide is coming in and I didn’t bring a bathing suit.’ She saw the disappointment on his face, as he looked sadly at the ocean. He would never get to feel this again, the welcoming embrace of his home. That was the thing he was most upset about, not that she didn’t love him because who could blame her. He acted like a child the whole time not knowing what anything was. This whole human thing was alien to him, and he made it far more obvious than he intended to. ‘We can come back tomorrow Jimin, I promise.’ A little bit later turned to 11pm, both of them sitting on the rocks, letting the water float around them. It only just reached her ankles, which didn’t seem too bad yet.

‘What if I don’t have tomorrow, what if this is all I get?’ He spoke cryptically, she frowned at him, not quite understanding. He heard a song, it was a pretty song, but it was a song made for death.

A sirens song, a witches tune. He saw her bright eyes in the distance and he knew his time was coming to a close. She motioned to the moon, he knew exactly what she meant. It hadn’t hit its peak yet, not fully in the sky until midnight.

‘Jimin what do you—?’

‘What time is it?’ His words hurried, if she wasn’t to confess to him, he would just have to. If it was one sided, he wanted to get it out before he was gone, before he couldn’t speak for anything ever again.

‘It’s five to midnight Jimin what is going on, I’m worried.’ He jumped off the rock, standing in front of her between her legs. She looked a little taken back but let him anyways.

‘I’m going to talk for a bit, I need to you listen. I need to you take it all in. Because when I stop, that’s it.’ He spoke, hoping it was enough to get her to agree. She just looked at him scared before looping their fingers, nodding gently for him to continue.

‘I’m a merman, I know it sounds stupid but bare with me...’ He explained fully, about how they had met already. How he fell in love with her. How that stupid wish he made was to be with her. She sat there silent through it all, willing him to stop so she could just kiss him. The moment he stopped she jumped off the rock, taking his face in her hand.

‘Oh jimin-‘ Before she had the chance to say anything else, a small content smile appeared on his lips, eyes rolling into the back of his head, he collapsed into the water below her, she scrambled to grab his weight, pulling him up to the only sand she could see. It was further off, but it would give her somewhere to rest him. She dragged his body with all her might, struggling and sobbing the whole time.

‘Jimin, Jimin wake up!’ She cried, patting his cheeks, trying to wake him. He just lay there, lifeless. Of course he had missed out the part of the story that he would die if she didn’t speak the words back to him. The witch looked on from the back, waiting.

‘Jimin please wake up... I need you...’ She sobbed on his bare chest, waiting for his arms to wrap around her waist. They never came.

‘Please Jimin, I love you...’ She whispered, pressing her lips gently against his. The witch was satisfied, it only taking an extra five minutes of her time. She granted the boy the kindness, letting him be happy with his human.

‘Took you long enough...’ He croaked, voice sore. She gasped, pushing herself away from his body, he sat up putting his hand out for her. She sobbed in happiness, diving onto him, knocking him back into the sand.

#bts imagine #bts one shot #bts #bts scenarios #jimin #jimin imagine #park jimin #jimin fluff #jimin x reader #bts jimin #jimin x y/n #mermaid #disney

[woopim]

im ranting about homestuck for the sake of myself so ignore :p

also major spoiler warning for the Epilogues.

{also color coded cause its fun}

im gonna vent about homestuck mainly for myself so i dont have to go through this complicated ass thought process again

this also has nothing to do with ships (they all cool you good), pesterquest (me likey that), or hiveswap (i just havent checked that out yet)

also images arent mine, in gif section ٩( ᐛ )و

i love homestuck, got into it waaaay too late (my bad) i read it during the summer (2019) and read it in my free time, all i did. i love all the characters, they mean the world to me Caliborn and Bro cant eat a dick but ya know, good characters...just die tho

so with that said

fuck the epilogues

i know cliche but heres the thing: i read the first chapter of meat and just gave up and read a summary, it didn’t engage me that much and i was warned to not read it anyways

there are some things i do like in the epilogues, you get more in depth with how the kids grow up and their personalities and emotions, i like that. i like the weird obama thing that was funny, or gamzee getting out of the fridge (get him help), vriska coming back, karkat being president or even his resistance thing that was neat.

whennnn jane started being racist, jade being a cock block for davekat (very bad way to word that but i feel as tho jade deserves more for story telling than just that. i wasn't really a huge fan of jade, but how she was written in the epilogues bug me. Totally just made jade this "3rd thing" in a well developed relationship. Jade's more than that, and has her own story and growth. She didn't need to be shoved into that. Also Dave just randomly being uncomfortable with his sexuality again after excepting himself??? Like- why we pit the man back in the closet?), the shit ton of toxic relationships, the shit ton of babies, the VORE SCENE????? and dying....

just no

Example: Dirk fucking said bye world, yep. thats it, Dirk's gone now. And what do we do with this tragic character? One of our most mentally broken characters? Oh we just oop he dead now, lets have a funeral where his own brother is just "well...that fuckn sucks." And then ROXY AND JOHN GET HITCHED??? ON THE SAME D A Y?????????????

and homestuck 2, i was already weary cause it takes place after the epilogues. and i kinda just dropped reading it. i like seeing the kids grown up, i like seeing their kids, the designs are nice. but....the og characters deserve better. they had their good ending after a long battle and complicated time lines. they just deserve to find love without loveless marriage to whoever they feel, healthy lives, happy homes. and for story telling maybe some of the tough stuff, but should be worked through together like the big ass family they are.

just reading homestuck 2 keeps reminding me how screwed up the og characters are now, or the fact some are just dead, and it hurts :/

there are scenes i do appreciate in the epilogues and 2, but the majority just leaves a sour feeling.

so im pretending epilogues and homestuck 2 doesn’t exist, cause honestly it just hurts to know the characters didn’t just get at least a calm ending. maybe will go back to it if something interesting happens but for now its a nope

no hate to Andrew Hussie tho just...owie :p

#homestuck 2 #homestuck epilogue #homestuck #my thoughts #have a nice day :) #long post

[lsgingasblog]

Of Happy Coincidences and Fated Connections Chapter 4

Act 4

“Fancy seeing you here Diana”

Goodness. Andrew.

“Likewise” Diana answered back with moderate civility.

They were of course near blaytonberry, near where the wild hunt took place there was a festival going on celebrating the successfully averted missile crisis and the British has decided to extend its help and gratitude towards helping luna nova and magic community since ‘they are useful after all’ as said by one of the politicians in the news conference 2 days after the missile crisis.

Today is a few months after said crisis and Diana has been rather annoyed at all the focus of the story being mostly about sensationalism and asking silly stuff like how did she get her hair so fluffy, does she have a boyfriend, or how does it feel to be up in space- granted that was fairly amazing so she can fault that- or what’s her diet or what does she like wearing. How is any of that relevant?

Or they ask to perform magic, of course she does end up relenting but she’s not sure how she feels, chariot toured and made people happy, here it just seems like a pet being asked to do tricks.

It would seem even akko that was enjoying it has grown rather weary of it, only Amanda among them is still basking in the limelight. Ooh wait. Amanda just punched a paparazzi disturbing Constanze and Jasminka. Ahh……headmistress Holbrooke will have her hands full for sure.

Worst thing though as I glanced at Akko she is being hit on by the 8th guy that evening and mind you that’s only counting the guys, she was hit on by 4 girls as well. Honestly-

“Does that make your blood boil Diana?”

There it is, that stupid smug look. I purposely pretended I didn’t hear.

Honestly I love akko, yes I am aware of that and have accepted that, but her trying to put Andrew and I in situations to better become friends has been grating to say the least. Also if I had to see his stupid smirking face one more time it will be too soon.

Also I can’t forget the threat he made about pursuing akko after some time. He makes my blood boil in all fairness, as honest as I am to admit that I do get jealous and annoyed how familiar some of akko’s suitors get she always seem wholly disinterested, but akko loves hanging out alone with Andrew. I’m vaguely aware she might hold feelings for me as well, but at times I am so uncertain and to make it worse today is the last day of the year. We have already finished school over a week ago and move-out time is tomorrow after noon time.

Akko is going to stay at Yanson along with Manbavaran & professor Ursula strangely enough for 2 weeks and they’re going to do a nightfall trip of Europe apparently and they chose professor Ursula as their guide.

After that Akko is heading back to Japan for the remainder of the summer break since she hasn’t visited back home once since she’s started and from I gathered her parents weren’t all too happy with their only daughter facing off a missile. Of course that is perfectly reasonable.

I invited team red, green and Hannah and Barbara to Cavendish manor 1 week before school begins, but sadly I will be swamped with taking care of Cavendish affairs as well as exploring the few politicians or higher ups that were interested in a more magic-science coalition in regards to medicine and health.

Apart from that professor Ursula seems to have asked my help into something urgent once she comes back from the trip, she seems very tight-lipped about it so I’m assuming it’s very serious.

“Ahem…..”

Fake cough all you want Andrew. Hope you go into a coughing fit.

“Water is over there” I motion to the way other side of where we’re standing.

He smirks. Honestly he’s infuriating how akko enjoys his company is beyond me.

“No, I’m good although your face has such a noticeable scowl I worry how akko would feel if this facial expression would be your permanent face.”

I let my scowl slip? Good, actually not even bothered to be honest. He should know of my displeasure.

“Hmm I did say to akko quite a few times that getting you and I to be friends would be quite the fruitless endeavor, but you know her adorably stubborn attitude and all”

‘No, don’t call her that’ was on the tip of my tongue, but instead

“I actually agree with you on something for once”

“Ahh that’s good to hear. Listen Diana I honestly am sorry for the way I treated you and dismissed magic like I did.”

You know what, that sounded sincere. Maybe akko wasn’t completely wrong, Andrew and I can-

“That said I will give you until the first week back at luna nova after the summer break. After that I’m going to start pursuing Akko”

Never be friends. Nope. No. This guy. I swear.

“I assumed you were merely jesting Andrew, didn’t you say you weren’t sure of your feelings? I truly care about akko, can you say the same?”

Andrew smirk fades away. Aha. Instead he gets a genuine smile again. Darn.

“Yes I can, although I’m sure not as strong of bond as both of you have. I am gentleman of course so I give you ample amount of time. However if I still have these feelings toward miss Kagari after going a break without seeing her than I know I owe to myself to at least try.”

I can’t even hate the guy for that. Truly.

“In any case Diana it was interesting, I have already talked to akko a while back, I do recommend you go talk to her, I’m sure you’ve noticed her dip in mood. She won’t open up to me about it, but maybe it would be something you can get out of her. Good night Diana”

“Good night Andrew. Take care”

He looked surprised, but good thing he took away the sad smile from his face “Same to you Diana” he chuckled “Truly akko is incredible…”

“She is” I answer without a moment’s hesitation. We nod to each other and he was finally off.

Only akko can make me tolerate Andrew so much. Honestly seeing him genuinely care for akko that much, despite how unsettled it makes me, does warm me up a bit more to Andrew. Although won’t admit that out loud anytime soon.

In any case now to finally find Akko in these festivities. I go towards our groups of friends but they said akko zoomed past them but they could only show me the general direction.

I follow my instincts and see an opening in a small tree entrenched area I go past it and there she is.

Just staring up at the-Wow the night sky is beautiful. Akko notices I am here. She looks startled but she changes her sad expression into a smile I love seeing and pats the ground next to her.

Non-verbal akko means something is bothering her. However sometimes akko closes off or becomes defensive when pushed in these situations. Well-timed nudged and coaxing work best, at least from what I could tell about that night we drank at the café that cold night or a few other instances after.

Akko has mentioned briefly her feelings of inadequacy due to longer being in the possession of the shiny rod, but it’s mostly an object that channels your own energy, enhancements are as much a thing for it.

I suppose it’s the expectations placed on her though that truly has her worried, teachers, public and so many more are expecting great things from the underdog witch that saved the world. I heard murmurings throughout the halls and some people calling her out for being a one-hit wonder. I have made sure to report most of those as possible, but akko caught me and she made clear she wants to fight her own battles.

She iced me out a few days after that. It was horrible, but we patched things up a few days ago so I that’s good.

I sat down next to her.

“Diana…..”

Ooh god the way she said it……

“Yes akko?”

She grabs my hand and I swear my heart almost jumps out of my chest.

“Let’s get out of here”

Wait what.

“I’m sorry I know the fireworks show is soon and you probably want to see it, but it’s just been really tiring today and the people have been so clingy and annoying and I just want to go back to luna nova and don’t worry we’ll tell professor Ursula we’re leaving early so she doesn’t worry”

She looks at me with the biggest puppy dog eyes I have seen. Honestly she could be wearing a plastic bag with running mascara that might make her look like a trash can raccoon and I would still be charmed by her. Goodness I have it bad. Summer break is too long, maybe I should take advantage of today.

First things first though

“Ok”

She had the biggest smile ever and she runs to grab her broom and mine. She only recently started getting the hang of flying, but she has to have someone supervising her at all times when she trains on one, especially for longer distances. She comes back with a big smile and hands me my broom.

“Told Ursula it’s all good, let’s go. Tia Freyre!”

I called out the incantation as well and we were off. Akko isn’t as unsteady as she used to be after May fair. She still goes up and down and I stay close behind to make sure I can help if anything goes wrong.

There is something that nags at me though concerning the sad expression Akko had on and what Andrew said, I noticed it too. So did sucy and lotte but apparently akko refused to open to them about it as well.

It was a harrowing journey to Luna Nova, but nothing caught me more off-guard then when Akko finally said something I wasn’t expecting at all and it came without warning since we were talking about stuff that we were going to do in our respective breaks or how silly some of the politicians there truly were.

“Was shame the reason you didn’t admit that we knew each other before the Samhain festival months back?”

The wind was knocked out of me, I mean of course when I mentioned I was at chariot’s show akko would put two and two together. Right after though we had the missile fiasco and we were bombarded with attention from the non-magic community. While dealing with the overwhelming pressure of school and the stares and attention of our peers. Apart from that with everything going on I was roped to help headmistress in a lot of these exchanges and so was akko from time to time. It was so hectic that we haven’t had actual alone time now that I think about.

Goodness though shame is the least I felt, even back then. I have to clarify this.

“Of course not Akko, it was-”

The fireworks were going off overhead and akko was announced at the sky

“Look it’s beautiful!” but her voice was strained and she seemed to be avoiding my gaze.

“Akko please” I pleaded.

She can’t hear me over the loud fireworks and she speeds up. It’s true we weren’t that far from Luna Nova, but she’s avoiding me. No, no way. I will not leave things off like this the whole summer break at the very least.

She nearly crash lands in the courtyard I use a spell to cushion her fall. She whips around and her face is clearly angry but the tears near the side of her eyes are tell-tale sign of having cried. Merlin I’m the worst. Before I can start I’m cut off.

“You think I need protection or I can’t protect myself don’t you Diana!”

Goodness how did it get to this.

“No, Akko please I care about you and-”

“No you were silencing those other girls because you were ashamed to be associated with me as a friend. Ashamed that I no longer have the power of the Shiny Rod and you are still ashamed because I’m the little girl you met all those years ago at the Shiny Chariot show. You knew since then and you still didn’t say anything, what else could possibly be the reason here!”

Akko’s face is angry and she’s crying I just want to scream at the top of my lungs ‘Because I love you’, but I’m a coward and I will work on salvaging our friendship first.

“Akko I consider you a very dear friend and I couldn’t be prouder of you-”

“Diana you don’t have to lie”

I was annoyed now too so I pleaded

“Please Akko hear me all the way to the end. Is that acceptable? I hate seeing you this sad I’ve noticed for days. So has Andrew.”

“You actually had a civil conversation with Andrew?”

You know what the small spark in her eyes that came back is worth such a concession.

“Yes, but can I please finish my earlier point.”

She nods.

“Listen Akko we both stopped the missile up there so hearing the girls dismiss your effort and the fact that you were the one that was able to unlock all the words, yes you had help but without your drive, your energy and your pure love for magic and the joy it brings none of it could not have been possible. Everyone who is near you is inspired, that why we would stick with you and defend you till the end, because you are deserve such attention and actions. It is for that reason I reprimanded them, I know you can fight your own battles, believe me” I pause I look at her. She’s listening intently and I decide to continue.

“About Shiny Rod I knew you were sad but the rod was merely an object that transferred your powers. The magic that came out of it was all you. Now you merely have to get used to channel your magic through a much smaller relay which is your wand and that will take time, but that’s ok because I have no doubt in my mind you will become an even more amazing witch, because you inspire others and you work hard. It’s one of the things that has always left me in awe of you Akko.”

I looked at Akko she seemed less guarded, but I haven’t answered the question that started all of this yet. I took a deep breath and continued.

“Chariot’s magic was my drive to get my magic back then, but you have undoubtedly restored my sense of wonder and unbridled joy with magic, while my love hasn’t waned and the hopes of seeing it restored, the clinical and efficient way I went about learning more and more magic took away the childlike fun and happiness I felt for it. Akko when I first the cards I confess I didn’t know how to feel and I assure you though it wasn’t shame.”

She looks at me skeptically, but I power through.

“You see I wasn’t lying when I said the one from the café that evening. I was jealous despite how different you were that your magic was still the closest to chariot, I realized quite some time ago though why you deserve to be the closest. Your magic may tend to be clumsy in regard to execution but its charm is undeniable and you lost neither the love nor the unbridled joy you felt for magic. It is for that reason and the fact that I could not accept my childhood idol as chariot that truly held me back. I confess I also felt inadequate, I actually assumed you would be disappointed to have me of now as oppose to the me of back then”

Akko eyes widen.

“Diana, I wouldn’t you’re absolute amazing after all. Also we were kids back then of course we will be different from when we are kids. That said why didn’t you tell me at the café that night? It would’ve been the perfect time, right?”

She’s right. I mean I didn’t because I was still figuring out my jumbled non-platonic feelings for her. I have come to terms with them, yet why can’t I admit them? Fear of rejection? Fear of losing a friendship with her? No, I’m probably just a coward.

“You’re right it would’ve been a good moment to tell you and I’m sorry. I had just felt that we had started forming a bond, I was unaware how you would feel, although in hindsight now I realize I was being silly and I’m sorry. As you know the last months have been fairly hectic. I know that’s also an excuse and for that I am truly sorry. Akko I value our friendship and I value you as a person as well and I believe in you so please no that shame has absolutely no place in my feelings towards you.”

Akko had her face at the ground. Goodness I wouldn’t be able to bear it if she didn’t accept this.

She lifted her head and had big smile on her face.

“Ok got it. Let’s go exchange the cards”

She grabs my hand as I get dragged and run along to follow where she’s going. Our brooms lay forgotten on the ground but those can wait for later. I stare at her face, while we’re running towards her dorms from what I can make out from the twists and turn we are making and the general direction we are heading towards. Akko seems happy and although I would’ve liked to talk to her more in depth about her insecurities, Akko has always been a learning by doing person, so instead I’ll make an effort to put more time aside to properly help her, she’s already come a long way but I want to support and perhaps inspire her as well, it’s the least I could do after all she’s done for me.

I find myself having a big stupid smile on my face. This brings me back to that chariot show.

We finally made it to her dorm she opens the door and grabs the card

“You have yours here, right?” I nod and she drags me to my side of my dorm. This. This same exhilarating feeling whenever I’m in Akko’s presence. It feels amazing.

We got here and Akko stares at me expectantly and I open the door and I grab the card that was in the hidden compartment beneath where the chariot card was.

We both had flushed faces from the running although I’m sure mine wasn’t from that alone.

It was something so monumental back then and it was still fairly great but we exchanged cards and just started laughing at what transpired and how quickly and randomly we ended upon finally doing this.

I confess I was hoping for a special moment, but with akko most things will end up fairly unpredictable.

So I decide now is as good as time as any and I ask her if she knew about the book by the name of Believing Astral Hearts that Chariot did some years ago. She didn’t, but she seemed interested and so I grabbed the storybook.

We held onto our own zodiac cards for now and we made ourselves comfortable on the couch and started reading together.

We laughed and mimicked weird voices, mostly akko though and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

We decided to take a break after the third story. I was both relieved and sad we didn’t get to the cancer and Taurus one.

“This is amazing Diana! We never got this in Japan”

I explain to her it had an extremely limited and regional release and I offered it to her. After all since the messages in this story book reflect in a big way the Arcturus words it seems fitting that Akko might use this as inspiration in her summer break, much in the same way I tend to find comfort for it.

I may still be a coward to be fair, but just knowing that akko and I will be sharing yet another thing in common make me more-dare I say- giddy than I can even explain.

She refused at first but I insisted. She proceeded to tackle me with a hug after finally accepting it and says thank you.

One thing about akko is that’s she very hyper and is not afraid to show her immediate emotions so I have been the receiving ends of her hugs more than I can count, but it never ceases to amaze me just how warm and happy I feel when I get them from her, nor does it ever fail to make my heart race.

She pulls apart and grabs my hand. I’m unsure why until I feel the atmosphere and we start inching closer to each other.

“Diana!! Are you alright!?” Hannah and Barbara shouted in unison after bursting into the room.

Akko has completely pulled away and her face was beat red, I’m sure mine wouldn’t be fairing any better.

“Akko? Are you ok?” Hannah and Barbara have grown close with the rest of team red and green as well and since I suspect they are aware of my feelings for akko they also have a vested interest in her well-being.

Akko greets and says sorry and dismisses herself. No. I will not let this slide.

Hannah and Barbara finally notice what was going on by the exchange of looks I’m sure.

“We’re sorry Diana, we didn’t know- I mean when Ursula told us after the fireworks that Akko came to say you and Diana had to go without any explanation in such an anxious manner we got worried and decided to check on both of you. Since there were some people that were less than happy that magic is back at that event”

Ahh yes I noticed them, but I paid them no mind since I’ve always been antagonized like regarding my love for magic, I naturally suspected the opposition would grow now that magic is seeping back into the world.

“Ahh…..no it’s quite alright, Hannah, Barabara. If you will excuse me though….” I came at a loss what to say but luckily they understood me.

“Don’t worry Diana, go and clear things up right now, Akko is a loose cannon and persistent brooder when she’s properly down.”

Hannah was right.

“Also Diana good luck….” Barbara smiled at me and I was completely obvious but I couldn’t even care.

So I dashed as fast as I can to try to find akko and I finally caught up with her.

“Akko wait!” and I grabbed unto her hand. This is the perfect time to tell her.

“Akko take your card back” She looked hurt. Ooh no was supposed to say something else before leading up to that. Akko pulls harder to escape, but I’m not letting things like this.

“Ahh no you misunderstand I want us to trade back because we always find each other right? We’ll both be busy this summer so we have each other’s card to remind us that we’ll see each other again in a few months. Of course I realize right now that’s silly probably. I’m so-”

“No! I love it I mean that would be nice. Also sorry for storming off like that”

I wanted to ask why she did but she seemed as anxious as I am. Ooh. Andrew might be right. If the feelings are mutual though I wonder. You know what. I’m going for it.

“Diana would you like to come on the trip around Europe with lotte, sucy & professor Ursula, I’m sorry for such short notice it’s just I thought you were embarrassed of me or something…..and yeah.. I get it now you aren’t and I’m sorry for feeling down, but I think I really like this storybook Diana it reminds me a bit of shiny rod and the words so thank you….”

I smile. Although my courage is all but dashed away. I’m truly a coward, but I’m happy I cleared this up. It’s a pity though about the trip.

“I’m sorry akko, I have previous arrangements I can’t get out of although if you are going to a place in England or near the Cavendish manor to give me message. Here’s my address.” And I conjured up a paper with my address “Just send an owl to that directory. Also miss Yanson recently showed me how to use the modern gadgets and I will be buying mine soon. As soon as I have mine I will contact miss Yanson to contact you with the information”

She looks overjoyed.

“That would be really great Diana” and I was met with another hug. I swear they’re addicting.

She separates again and the atmosphere is back, but just as swiftly it is cut by Yanson’s

“Akko! Ooh there you are. We were worried.” Manbavaran comes stoically coming after Yanson, but you can tell Manbavaran’s facial expression relaxes a bit after she sees akko is ok.

Akko turns around “Don’t worry I’m a-ok! Tomorrow vacation starts! Doki Doki no Waku Waku time!”

I swear I have to ask her what a few of her Japanese words and phrases are, but I know this word means akko is extremely excited and happy and her exuberance is contagious in these instances.

Note to self. Learn Japanese this summer break.

“In any case good night Diana, see you tomorrow morning”

Akko smiles at me and I smile back “Good night Akko, sleep well and to you to Lotte, Sucy” they nod in my direction and wish me good night too.

Well today has been eventful. I have many things this upcoming summer break, but I’m very happy for all that’s ahead for me.

#DianakkoWeek #Dianakko #Diakko #diana cavendish

[jess-oh]

Reflection

hey journal! my body is under a lot of stress today—probably from lugging around my laptop all day, errrday. 

i really dont even know who i am anymore or where my priorities lie or anything. ive been more pessimistic and self deprecating recently. but it was pretty nice to read my journal entries from the mission field and rewatching/listening to the performances from the festival in Turkey! I miss it all.

I totally forgot how much I struggled with my own innerdemons and pride while I was there! I’m glad I documented it. 

I felt pretty challenged by Jason earlier. I think my go to is to hate myself and make a joke about it. I simultaneously think I’m better than everyone else and hate myself whenever I compare myself to those around me, lol. What a strange complex indeed.

I think the biggest thing I learned while in Turkey was to not be so results oriented. tbh, i think my thoughts and emotions have just been so clouded recently and i havent been able to think straight in a long time. a lot of what i’ve said has contradicted other statements ive made. im not who i used to be. i used to be so good at being vulnerable and honest and real and genuine and really did care for others. but ive grown a lot more selfish since then. how can i call myself a Christian and claim these goals when I myself am not living them out? I want to. I’ve been wanting to help others but moreso bc i wanted to feel better about myself and not because i just wanted them to be okay. and i think thats why ive been struggling to create these more intimate bonds and relationships as of recently. im so quick to judge far too often and i really dont want to bc who am i to say or judge anyone? only God can do that. we all have our own stories and sin. i feel like I’m “further” in my relationship with God than others but what does that matter if I’m not moving forward? At least they are deliberately spending more time with God and not just remaining stagnant and complacent in their position! And when I have had the opportunity to talk to people, I’ve found myself finding the conversation boring and wanting to move onto the next best thing instead of just treasuring the moment and opportunity that I had right then and there. I’ve allowed myself to become far too prideful and I want to come from a much more humble mindset once more. Everyone is hurting and everyone has their own story. It isn’t my job to fix them. It isn’t my responsibility and no one expects me to do so. 

In February, I honestly didn’t want to live anymore. I think Sharlene helped a lot and going home to be with friends and family and attend Robbin’s funeral helped a lot. But I felt like I was in so much suffering and it felt overwhelming. He was dead and even in Turkey when I saw someone who looked like him, I was so shocked and distraught at the thought of having to relive that pain and see him again that I couldn’t help but cry and lose focus. My grandpa had cancer and things weren’t looking good. I couldn’t even bring myself to sing “Little Miss Sunshine” and I couldn’t even imagine a reality or possibility where he did pass away. I felt so much guilt and shame after Robbin passed. All the things I could have said. All the things I should’ve done. But I never did. And just like that, he was gone. And I felt like I was in an excruciating amount of pain and suffering. It didn’t matter if I was on the train or walking home or anywhere else public. I didn’t care anymore. At all. I had lost my family. He was gone. And I was so tempted to kill myself bc being with God in Heaven and having eternal life seemed like a much sweeter reality than the Hell I was living in. I didn’t trust the people at Lakeview yet and honestly, I still don’t. Though I am doing better.

I can’t make people happy because I myself am in so much misery. I am so pessimistic and upset and miserable. How could I possibly bring someone joy when I myself am feeling the opposite? I want to radiate with warmth and stand firm in my identity with the Lord. Not in aimlessly walking in this dark chasm that I’ve been walking in for who knows how long. There’s a lot that I don’t say in fear that it is “not as much” in comparison with others. There’s a lot that I don’t say because I don’t want people to see me as weak or think I’m less able of accomplishing certain tasks. 

I don’t want to help for the sake of helping. I want to help because I genuinely care. I’ve grown to be so selfish and apathetic towards it all. And God, I truly am so sorry for the things that I’ve said and the things that I’ve done. I am a child of God. I am a child of God. I am a child of God.

I used to jump at the chance of sharing common interests with others because I knew how lonely it had been being in the outside circle and never fitting in. Never having the opportunity to getting to know anyone because I was judged before I even had the chance. And my bitterness has definitely taken form and prevented me from doing a lot of things. It’s prevented me from going back to Sa-Rang without seeing them all as enemies targeting me. It’s prevented me from really trusting people within the church. How I can I hope to build a culture based in vulnerability when I myself am not willing to do so?

“Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. 3 Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.” Matthew 7:1-4

I want to be genuinely interested and invested in others. When they share what their interests are, I want to take the time to indulge myself in those things so that I may better understand them. I want to build a community and intentional relationships with these people. I don’t want to help so that people can praise my name. I want to help because I care about them. 

I think I’ve been more selfish and conceited recently because I am so desperate for someone to care about me. And I am so blind to the fact that people do. I think Johnathan cares, Jason cares, P. Josh cares, Amanda cares, and I’m sure Johnny does too. David L. cares, Rachel cares, Joyce P. cares. My sister cares, my mom cares, my dad cares. Jeanne cares, Sofia cares, Andrew cares. But I have been so blinded by my own self hatred and criticism that I haven’t been able to see or accept that. I just keep digging my own grave and running into a brick wall when they are more than willing to help. I just have to be honest and reach out to them. Asking for help doesn’t make me a burden. It is only when I expect them to always be by my side in every moment but if I am genuine about it and try to care for them.

By my own standards, I am the worst dirt of the Earth. By those around me, they praise me for my commitment, hard working nature, and determination to get anything done that I set my mind to. I don’t want to believe I’m better than anyone else because I really am not. I am so broken in my ways. I am so confused and lost and feel like I’ve seen nothing but darkness for so long. In February, I decided to try and go all in with God and see if anything changed. If I read the Bible, if I got super involved at church, went on a mission, and really did my best to give everything I am to the Lord and live a life so deeply rooted within the church, what would happen? If I still wasn’t happy and felt miserable then I would know it wasn’t worth it and God is not real in the end. And I would cast Him out and pretend He is fake. And that mindset of going all in has lowkey been super toxic to my faith. Because yes, I have been doing all these things and usually with an ulterior motive in mind. But because of this underlying doubt and caution, I’ve been so quick to point out inconsistencies and almost desperate to find any possible crack in the stone. But going to Turkey did really rekindle my faith, I think. There were moments when God was just so undeniable and real. When I talked to Arzu and my heart so desperately broke for her. 

I don’t want to be afraid to sing loudly at church or be honest about how I’m feeling or really cry out to God during a Sunday service. I so desperately need Him. And this underlying fear has been getting in the way of me really going deeper with Him. I don’t know how long it will take for me to find my identity in Him once more. But thank you God for giving me that wakeup call because if not, I may have ended up like Johnathan’s roommate and left the faith altogether because I tried to serve too soon without having a firm foundation first in you. I do want to better equip myself. I do want to serve your people. I don’t want to serve because it’ll make me look “cool.” I don’t want to serve because of how others will perceive me. I just want to serve just as I am with all that I am. And I pray that I may be a humble servant before you, God. Because your word will not be shaken, God. It will not.

I want to have full confidence in the Lord. Knowing that my identity 

I think initially coming into my freshman year, I was so scared and intimidated by everyone. But I was also much more real and genuine at the time. I think in some part because of all the heartbreak I’ve had to face the past few years as well as hanging out with the wrong people and turning away from God has left me very bitter and apathetic and self-centered and conceited and too afraid to be real. I put up a facade and walls upon walls upon walls up to protect myself from others. It’s in part because of Sa-Rang. But it’s also because I have felt pain so deeply and extremely during my time in college. And it’s honestly been so hard. I’ve relied on people to help me through those moments time and time again but something always happens when I can no longer be friends with them in that capacity anymore. Saying guys and girls are different and can’t trust the MAST guys bc they’re guys is just a cop-out. It’s an excuse so that I don’t have to open myself up. I don’t want to judge/rebuke for the sake of doing so. I want to say these words because I care so much about my friends and genuinely want the best for them. 

God, this is my prayer to you. I don’t want to do these things for the sake of doing them but I want to do them so that I may better honor and glorify you. I do need a community. I do desire just coming as I am to someone. Anyone. I need another Sharlene in my life. She was there for me when I didn’t know what to do. When my cousin had passed away, I didn’t care about anything anymore. I don’t want to brag about the things I’ve done anymore. It’s uncomfortable for everyone and doesn’t make me feel any better about myself. 

My family is not nearly as terrible as I make them out to be but that doesn’t make me any less scared of going home.

Instead of judging people for the things they may say against me, I want to be able to pray for them and lift them up in love.

I want to love as Christ has loved us.

I want to be so confident in my faith that I would be more than willing to die for Christ, regardless of the circumstances. Whether I must lead a life of suffering or face an immediate, I want to be willing. Even if I am imprisoned or socially outcasted or physically punished, I want to still stand tall and firm in my faith. Knowing that my God is so much greater than anything on this Earth.

#reflection

[itsnotsammy]

{ Burial at Sea }

He couldn't understand how things had happened so fast.

It almost felt like a bad, really bad dream. But it was real, and it was painful, and there was no way Sam could change things - no matter how much he wanted to. Dean was gone for good.

He just didn't expect to stumble on a door that led right into a city - in the bottom of the ocean. Because Men of Letters obviously didn't know how to catalog their dangerous shit properly.

Words: 4,249

Chapters: 2/?

Language: English

Fandoms: Supernatural; Bioshock

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Violence; Rape/Non-Con

Categories: M/M

Characters: Dean Winchester; Sam Winchester; Castiel; Mary Winchester; Atlas (BioShock); Big Daddy (BioShock); Little Sister; Andrew Ryan; Brigid Tenenbaum; Frank Fontaine; Jack (BioShock)

Relationships: Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester

Additional Tags: Crossover; Rapture (Bioshock); Season 12 AU; Time Travel; Pre-Season/Series 12; Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con; Minor Character Death; Implied/Referenced Torture; Pre 1958 New Year's Eve Riot; Splicers - Freeform; Plasmids; Explicit Language; Alternative Universe; Wincest;  Other Additional Tags to Be Added

Tagging: @stanfordwincest

read it on Ao3: { chapter 1 } | { chapter 2 } read it on Tumblr: { chapter 1 }

He was stupid. He shouldn't have drunk so much at the Bunker that night and he knew it. He was a Winchester, for crying out loud. His luck was almost non existent and it was obvious something would happen (and it'd always be happening sooner than later, because Lady Fate was a downright bitch who hated him more than anyone else). The Bunker was filled with every kind of magic (or cursed) item known to man and why, why did he even decide about dealing with some supernatural shit when he couldn't barely walk without stumbling into a wall or coffee table on his way? There was no good answer and Sam was too tired to think about something that could be used as a good excuse. It had been a stupid decision, that's all. He could regret it as much as he liked, it wouldn't change the fact he was still trapped in some underwater city settled in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.

In 1958. He was just few minutes away from 1959, if he cared to think about some unimportant details.

He had been stuck in that place for almost a month already and he had found nothing useful but some weird people whose size of ego would match Lucifer's in a fair fight. At least the Devil would know how to get out of that crab trap. Someone who had spent an eternity trapped in Hell could easily destroy a city that was only two steps away from chaos and mayhem. It'd be child's play, honestly... Sam scoffed. The fallen archangel would most likely drown the Wincester along with Rapture instead of helping him. As if one could expect anything else. Why would Sam expect something else from Lucifer after everything they've been through? And well, it wasn't like the Devil was still alive and walking on Earth again. Amara had been... destructive.

For more than one family, his mind decided to remind him. A soft sigh escaped his lips at the bitter memory of Dean's death.

He could think about it later, much later. Now, a Little Sister crossed his way all of sudden and he backed away into the shadows under giant plumb, pretending not to see or feel the huge, moving diving suit following her. The thing just passed by and didn't even glance at his spot, and Sam let out a breath he didn't notice he had been holding until now. As much as he hated those creatures. he still didn't have a death wish - not now when he had decided to find a way to crawl out of that god forsaken hole. Yet it didn't mean he'd ever get used to such a sight. A little girl being guarded by some kind of monster. No matter how times he'd seen them, it always made his hunter instincts go crazy - but he had no weapons and no idea how to kill those things. People have said the girls were past salvation now, too filled with plasmids to go back at being human. They were as monstrous and twisted as the Big Daddies protecting them.

It just made him feel worse for doing nothing to save them. It made him wonder what else was hidden under the whole 'utopia' façade, what else was rotting and dying away under Andrew Ryan's empty promises of a marvelous life.

He sighed.

Rapture had been an interesting place at first. The whole idea of a perfect utopia, a free market society that ruled itself had been appealing. It seemed to work. But there was something completely different happening behind the curtains. The lower leves of the city held an entire different society, as deformed and ugly as the Little Sister he had just met. Fontaine's scheme ran smoothly, freely down there. Parasites smuggling plasmids all around Rapture right under Ryan's nose and even if everyone claimed Fontaine dead and all his comrades gone for good, Atlas was still out there doing whatever he wanted. It was only a matter of time until he escaped the 'prison' and boy, was Sam doing his best not to interfere and get himself killed because of his stupid bravery. Sometimes it was too hard to remember he was in the past, in a time he wasn't even born - but he wanted to help, even if he knew it'd be completely useless.

What's done is done, a little voice that didn't belong to him whispered in his mind. What's done will be done.

Another sigh. It was official. He did hate time traveling more than anything else.

Somewhere up the halls, a clock struck midnight. January 01, 1959.

The first explosion seemed to shake the entire Rapture. The second one sent him flying down the stairs, and then everything went dark.

There were a few things Dean Winchester didn't expect from his last encounter with Amara, the fucking Darkness herself, in flesh and bone.

For starters, he had walked out of that 'friendly meeting' alive and in one piece. That was way more than he had planned. Hell, he was ready to die for the world (again always the martyr always dying for someone else) and he ended up with a prize for best family counselor of the year and-

And his mother. Alive, healthy, breathing. As beautiful as he remembered.

It had been a great couple of days, to be honest. He fussed over her as much as he could during their trip back to the Bunker, clinging and touching and just needing to be sure she was real she was there. She wasn't going anywhere soon. They'd be a family again (they were already a family but this was different Mom is here), even if John wasn't there anymore. They got Mom, and it was okay. Sammy would be so happy. He'd probably be a lot more clingy than Dean himself, and it was okay because for fuck's sake, only Chuck and Amara knew how much they needed some peace of mind, some good rest from the supernatural and all the evil in that damned world. The kid had been through so much already. They both had. Armaggedon, Lucifer, Amara, demons, angels... they just needed time to heal and recharge. Was it too much to ask?

Apparently it was, because when they finally got in the Bunker, when they finally stepped into his-- their home, it was strangely empty and quiet. Dean's warning bells rang loudly, all at once. Sam should be there. He had been gone for two days, at most- and maybe he should've called to let Sammy know he was alive and going home, but the older brother had been too excited over the wonderful news to remember such an important detail. His baby brother would forgive him for it, that was for sure. As soon as he found Sam, of course.

"Sammy?"

No answer. A chill ran down his spine, something that had nothing to do with the cold.

Something just felt... wrong, out of place.

"Lucy, I'm home!"

"Maybe he went out to... eat something?" Mary said softly, almost like she was choosing her words carefully. "He'll be back soon."

She was still shaken, scared. He could understand it. It couldn't be easy to come back from the dead 33 years later, couldn't be easy to see that her little boy had turned into a grown up man, but in that very moment he couldn't bring himself to care too much. Sam wasn't there. That was important. The Bunker had been their home for years now, they had nowhere else to go so where was his brother? Maybe Mom was right and Sammy had just gone to the nearest restaurant to grab those salad things he loved so much, yet there was this feeling that Dean couldn't just shake off. The kitchen was at full stock, they had plenty of food in there. Maybe Sam just needed some fresh air after everything...

Yet something was wrong, he knew it. And he also knew he could trust his instincts. It took him no more than ten minutes to find out he was right.

Sam should be in the Bunker. His cellphone had been left on the Map Room. There was an opened bottle of scotch on the kitchen, half consumed- and by the mess Sammy had done all over the place, there was no way he wouldn't have finished that one too. He'd have finished the entire stock, actually. That was what Dean would've done if he were on Sammy's shoes. Even so, the rooms were empty, the Impala was parked on the same spot as before and everything seemed to be in its place- everything but his baby brother. Because it was obvious they couldn't get a few days of some peace of mind, because it seemed they hadn't done enough already, hadn't sacrificed enough.

Fuck this.

He didn't listen to Castiel's excuses as he called the angel, he didn't want to know what Cass had been doing, what was more important than look out for Sam. He didn't care. He tried not to, at least.

All he needed in that moment was to find his brother. He could deal with everything else later, much later.

"He asked me to be alone, Dean."

"I don't care if he asked you to kill the Queen of England. You should be here!" Dean took a moment to gather his thoughts- and get his anger under control. He should focus on the problem, should treat it as any normal hunt (because fuck, Sam seemed to attract problems everywhere he went) and deal with it as easily as any other job. It didn't mean Cass wouldn't escape him this time. "You promised me, Cass." And the hunter was well aware of the pure feeling of betrayal lacing his voice, and he did notice the moment the angel flinched as if he had been hit. "I trusted you, and now he's gone."

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry won't bring him back."

"You said Sam didn't leave the Bunker, right?" And there was no way Dean would admit he almost jumped at Mary's voice. She was still there, trying to help, looking strangely calm for such a situation they all found themselves in. God, he loved that woman. A soft smile curled on his lips and he nodded, not sure of her trail of thought. "So it means he's still here somewhere. Isn't there some... magic items all around the place or something?"

"Sam knows-"

"I'm sure he does." Well she knew how to shut him up in a second, but despite her voice being stern, her features were gentle and understanding. "But by all the bottles I've seen in the kitchen..."

"Mary's right." Castiel just replied what Dean was thinking in that right moment. Creepy angel... "Sam was too drunk to know or care about what to touch or not. I think I can track down the last magical item triggered. It's a start."

The hunter just nodded once more, trying not to think about whatever Sam had done. He just hoped his baby brother was fine and breathing.

"So, what are you waiting for? Just do it."

It wasn't fair to have Mom back only to lose Sam. He couldn't do it. Oh the irony. He had just asked Sammy to accept he'd be gone for good this time. Maybe that was his punishment.

"We'll find him, Dean." Mom said.

And God, Dean wished he could believe her.

#my writing #supernatural #bioshock #supernatural fanfic #supernatural fanfiction #spn fanfic #bioshock fanfic #spn fanfiction #wincest #supernatural crossover #bioshock crossover #fic rec #spn #crossover #xover #alternative universe #season 12 #burial at sea #i still don't know how to tag #kill me