— 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐲 𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 —
જ⁀➴ 18+ MDNI — • summary: even bucky’s parents in the bedroom next door won’t stop him from getting you off; • cw: smut, no direct p in v but it’s referenced at the end, hand riding through clothes, implied hj/bj; • pairing: 40s! bucky x f! reader
MAIN MASTERLIST
Your moan was abruptly cut off with a hand at your mouth, so it came out as muffled. Even still, though, there was nothing that could silence your desperate sounds.
Not even Bucky.
Especially not even Bucky considering it was his fingers that were inside you.
“Shh doll, you gotta keep quiet.” There was something like pride in that sly little laugh. Pride for how you were a mess on his hand while his parents slept soundly next door.
Next door — as in the very next room with only one wall between you, and thin. Any second now they could open that door, and in truth the thrill just made it even better.
“You don’t want anyone to hear us, now do you?” Bucky’s smile was clear in his voice. And beyond that was something much deeper, much softer. It was a whisper smooth as velvet in the dark.
There was a challenge, too, in the words, and you would’ve swatted at him had you had your coherence. But as it was you couldn’t think beyond the sweet ache between your legs, and your steadily rising need that only Bucky could help relieve.
He wasn’t even touching your skin, for God’s sake, but working you up through your panties; you sat with your thighs parted on him, against him, straddling his waist with his hand up your skirt.
For all that you cried out, though, it may as well have been his cock; may as well have been both of you stripped fully bare, and not only heavy petting through clothes.
“Please,” was all you could say, and you fought to keep your eyes on his own. With your hands braced on his shoulders like this, every curl of his fingers had your own on him tightening, clutching at your boyfriend as he touched you through the fabric and your wetness soaked through to his hand.
It didn’t escape his notice and dear God, you could see he was hard — but as he had said, this was your time now, and he wouldn’t stop until you were coming.
Until he could raise his hand to his lips and taste what you’d done for him, given.
And by God, if there was one thing at all you didn’t want — it was for that boy to even think of stopping.
You wanted — needed — to come, felt like you couldn’t breathe as Bucky’s touch took you higher. He removed the hand from your mouth when convinced you wouldn’t expose yourselves with a cry, and instead held you by the hip to guide your soft, undulating movements.
But as you ground against him, so wet and aching, your urgency grew; enough to make him feral at the sight of you like this, so plain and obvious in the tent of his trousers.
And yet still, he made no move to help it. Instead he just watched and watched —
And spoke.
“What would they think if they knew what you were letting me do to you, hm? You know they think you’re so sweet and pure, but I personally need some convincing.”
It was just like Bucky to choose the absolute worst time at all for the tease, his movements building and coiling the threat of release up inside you, but then slowing with speech.
You bucked your hips into his hand with your own clutching steady to his biceps and whined. “Bucky,” you got out with your face buried in the crook of his neck, breathing him in with the feel of his fingers inside you almost being too much.
You were gonna come soon, and you knew it — so did he. It was both too much and not enough.
Not even nearly enough.
The words cut through you like a death knell and all the room around you was a barely-there haze. There wasn’t the window, or the curtains you’d drawn; not the radio so quiet on the table by the bed.
Indeed, even that beneath both of your bodies seemed redundant when compared to his touch, and so there was him, just him, and how close you were; your thighs soaked, his fingers more so, with arousal.
And so indeed no, it damn well wasn’t enough. You needed more of him, all of him, all you could have —
You needed to do something, anything, to ease the sure ache between your parted legs.
And so that was when you started to kiss him, starting firstly at his jaw, smooth and recently shaved. You tracked it down to the curve of his neck and left a little trail to his ear; a series of open-mouthed kisses that had Bucky cursing under uneven breaths.
Thinking, Oh now how the tables had turned, you claimed him in the only way you could.
All the while you carried on rocking your hips, building pace as you chased your own high; and by the time you’d kissed at his temple, working down to the corner of his mouth — he was gone.
You didn’t even know where you were but Bucky’s mouth parted against your own lips, his tongue an eager thrust as he sought out your own until you were just hands and fire and teeth.
With each roll of your hips, your blouse revealed itself as much too thin. You were rocking against Bucky’s chest and the friction was too much, it felt too good; your nipples peaked hard against goose flesh as shivers overtook you, still brushing up on him —
And his taste, dear god, his taste —
He would take you right now, right here in this bed if he could, and you’d let him, but now —
His fingers curled deeper until the telltale signs of your legs softly shaking began.
You hadn’t gone further than this, not yet, hadn’t ventured beyond underwear. And as you thought it, you couldn’t help imagining how it would be —
Skin on skin, panting breaths. The weight of Bucky’s body on you, between your legs, inside you —
The tremors in your legs — now much more violent, urgent, desperate — ran straight to your bones, and your sex clenched empty around the lack of more of him inside you.
Release threatened to spill, and spill hard, as you clutched and just rode him, moaning softly, breaths hitching —
As all the while your Bucky kissed and loved you.
Worshipped his girl.
For now it was his turn to trail wet kisses down the length of your neck, and you held fast to his hair — drove your fingers into the mass of dark silk and cried out.
You couldn’t see, couldn’t breathe beyond him, and it very nearly hurt to feel this good and sore. It felt if the whole damn world was in you.
And he was it.
And knowing he marked you with his mouth even as you came hard on his hand, you clutched tight to him and tighter even still, nails scrabbling for purchase as the precipice came near.
Came near as you free fell right down from it with a cry, with a plea. You barely heard the soft muttered praises he said as you shuddered apart from atop him.
“Bucky, Bucky,” was the mantra on your breath, but it was what you said next that undid him. Until now, he’d fought fucking hard to keep his painful erection in the background of his mind, counting up numbers with his focus on you, every part he could reach, just to keep it at bay.
Now though, your aching desperation was his saving grace. It was his own confession.
And so the groan he let out was obscene when you cried out, “James, please, I need you.”
And of course, you needn’t have to say the words twice. He was right there with you every single time.
Bucky guided you through each convulsion and urged you to take all he could give, to take anything he could offer you now, no longer caring how loud you were or became.
He didn’t care for anything beyond you, in this moment. Anything but you looking like this:
On him with your cheeks flushed, mouth in a silent, open ‘O’. You gone weak against his front, bloused chest to his own, still now from the friction of before. Foreheads together and hearts pounding fast, he held you through the slight aftershocks.
Your hair was damp at your temples, curling slightly, and your skin was slick with sweat. Even his was hot and held that familiar post-release sheen you so loved.
And though you hadn’t even touched him anywhere below the belt, you saw his eyes blown wide with arousal as he raised those two fingers to his mouth, and then sucked.
You might’ve come again right there and then, just seeing that. Would’ve were it not for the fact you wanted to pleasure him now, in return.
The hard-on so apparent in his trousers would no longer be ignored for the sake of your need.
And so you didn’t take your eyes of Bucky as you let him brush your hair back from your face, allowed him to press one last kiss to your mouth and murmur softly, “That’s it, doll. That’s it.”
But the answer you gave was spoken in just subtle movements as you shifted position, edging backwards down the bed on your hands and knees until you came to where you wished to be most. You didn’t even bother to pull your skirt back down to pool at your ankles; you felt no need to fix the buttons of your blouse that had since come undone.
You just met his gaze from where he rested at the headboard while you lowered your head to his lap.
The look in his eyes was unhinged, and just one glance at his face spelt sex. He hadn’t even gotten inside you, not yet, and still his cheeks were flushed, eyes blown wide.
It was so plain what you’d been doing with his lips full and glistening, wet; swollen red. But if anyone had walked in that room right then, no love nor money would’ve made any difference.
And as you lightly tugged on a button of his pants — a request, to which he eagerly nodded — you resolved to make him feel as good as you had in the place he’d just made in his arms.
Resolved it as you bared him from his trousers to the boxers beneath, already worshipping the sight that met you and the sense that it would be a much longer night than you’d both planned.
✪ ✪ ✪ ✪ ✪
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While You Sit and Watch
Summary: Bucky loved making you a wreck, but he always made sure you looked pretty afterwards.
Pairings: Bucky Barnes X Reader, skinny!Steve Rogers
Rating: explicit
Warnings: explicit language, explicit sexual content, smut, oral sex (M receiving), exhibition, slight degradation, slight dumbification, gagging, tears, teasing, voyeurism (?), 18+ ONLY
Word Count: 1.3K
Bucky Barnes Masterlist
You loved James Buchanan Barnes. Loved him with every fiber of your being. Loved when he would destroy you, just because he loved to bring you back up. He loved to see your face wrecked, because he had a very easy and simple solution to doll you back up afterwards. Kept it right in his pocket.
All it takes at the diner is Bucky tapping on his pocket, and your legs start switching around trying to create friction. Bucky always loved teasing you anyway. Kept you nice and wet and ready for him. Looking up across the table to Steve, you try to ignore Bucky’s need to have you. “So, Steve, any luck with finding a way into the army?” He shakes his head no regrettably, watching his friend tap over his pocket again.
“Stevie boy doesn’t need to be in the army, huh?” Bucky taps on the pocket again, and you pretend not to even notice. You were supposed to be having dinner with Steve.
“I talked to my friend. She wants to meet you,” you give him a smile, leaning over to suck on your straw, and you can feel and hear Bucky’s chest rumble out a growl. “Bucky,” you squeal, smiling over at him.
“Really?” His eyes scan down your body, as his tongue pokes out his cheek. “Oh, you’re in for it, Doll.”
“I think maybe,” Steve starts, getting your attention back over towards him. “I think…I think he might want your attention.”
“He can wait,” Bucky’s hand grips tight to your knee, and you couldn’t help the whimper that escapes your mouth. “Bucky.”
“I need your help with something.”
“And we have company.”
“Steve is fine. Aren’t you, Stevie? It’ll only take a few minutes. You think you’ll be okay?” Bucky never looks at his friend, and you never look away from Steve as he takes a big gulp.
“That’s all it takes?” He inhales a deep breath, finally looking away from you. “I mean…that’s really it?”
“You wanna find out?” Bucky smirks, grabbing up your hand and he drags you behind the restaurant. Pushing you down to your knees while he leans back on the wall. “Go on, we’re being timed. Take me out, Doll. You know you want to. I could feel the heat radiate off you as soon as I tapped my pocket. Don’t worry, I’ll make you all pretty afterwards. No one has to know that you’re my pretty little slut.”
You shiver as you start taking Bucky’s heavy cock out of his pants. Looking all pretty with beads of precum leaking out of him. That protruding vein hitting the sunlight just right. Holding his thick shaft in your hand, your ruby red lips kiss up his length leaving the prettiest red color behind. Licking off his cream, you smile up at him, “Better than your milkshake, huh? Come on, baby, I’ll take care of you later.”
Teasing him just a bit more, you lift his dick up. Flattening your tongue, you lick up the underside of his entire length. Giving him a little smile, wiggling your ass before sinking down over him. Your fist pumping at the base, while you bobbed on him. “Oh, Doll baby, won’t you choke on me? You look so pretty when you're leaking tears? You’re choosing the feel of my cock over breathing, and it makes me completely weak for you.”
He had a way with words. Dropping your hand, you grip tightly to his thighs. Hollowing out your cheeks as you take his entire self in your mouth. His tip hits the back of your throat, and tears start to sting your eyes as you try not to gag.
Bucky’s hands slide behind your head as he drives into your messy mouth. His cock matched your lips as your lipstick stains him, he loved it though. Remnants of you. A memory that you seriously were a slut for him. Putting your virtue on the line for anyone to see you in this compromising position. Mewling at just the mere taste and feel of Bucky in your mouth. It was unheard of, but you took it so well.
Made him proud to see your eyes glossy as you stared up at him. You didn’t care that he was making a mess of your makeup, because it made him happy. You were perfect, and he was going to find out just how perfect you are.
Pulling out of you, your lungs scream at the sharp intake of breath before he crams himself back in you. You let him use your body, and he loved you even more for it. Some may say he was disrespectful, but they didn’t see how much he cared for you afterward. Give and take. And you adored being his little sex doll. If only they could feel the way that Bucky made you feel.
His motions start to shutter, and your eyes shine up at him in anticipation. Ready for the musky briny essence of James Buchanan Barnes. His foot slides in between your legs, needing to know just how wet you were to have his cock in your mouth. You grind down over the patent leather, and he lifts his head back moaning. You were his slut through and through.
Looking back down at you with a smirk, he gives his hips one hard thrust and his cum coats the back of your throat. You stare up at him owlishly, sucking out every bit of his delectable spunk, moaning out when he pulls himself out of you. His thumb pets over your skin when he pulls his foot out from under you.
“See, Stevie, you treat them right, and they are desperate for your cock, huh? Look at how wet she got. And that cunt, damn, the sweetest little peach there is. Maybe one day we’ll let you have a taste,” the two of them stare at his foot that was coated in your slick. Making the black look even shinier, and Bucky couldn’t be more proud of you.
“Bucky, she’s a mess.”
Bucky taps at his pocket, giving Steve a quick glance before removing a little compact. Complete with your lipstick and brush. Tilting your head up to look at him, he wipes off the smeared red with his thumb, cooing out your name with every wipe. Expertly taking some of the lipstick on the brush as he carefully fills your lips back in. And then moves to wiping away your black tears.
“Only a little stain. You were upset though, okay?” You give him a nod, smiling up at him so sweetly. “Doll, you think you want Steve to see how pretty your cunt is?”
“Mhmm,” you look back over to the tiny Steve who was adjusting his pants. Not all of him was tiny. “Whatever you want me to do, Sergeant.”
“You gonna keep his bed warm while I’m away?” You give him a head nod as he pulls you up to him. “You sure are a pretty little thing. Later tonight, Stevie, I’ll show you how to fuck a dame. But remember, if I let you fuck her, she’s mine, I’m just letting you loan her. And Doll, you’ll need to take it easy Steve, he has asthma.”
“Don’t worry, Sugar,” your red nails brush down Steve’s face, and his lip trembles, “I can do all the work,” he takes a deep breath, and whispers out yes ma’am as the three of you walk back into the restaurant. You didn’t mind being Bucky’s cockslut, especially if it meant that Steve was going to be your little slut. You had to have something to keep you busy while Bucky was away. And heaven knows, you loved to play. You were so thankful these boys enjoyed sharing their toys.
Masterlist
Taglist: @tis-thedamn-season @marveloustaylortot @pono-pura-vida @sstan-hoe @softsatnin @missusbarnes-rogers @peaches1958 @seitmai @smile1318 @andydrysdalerogers @cjand10
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marjorie - B.B
evermore masterlist | long story short | closure
Warnings: main character death, mentions of depression, mental health issues, mentions of War, mentions of sex
Summary: you loved James Buchanan Barnes but now he was dead and you were left to pick up the pieces he left behind.
Wordcount: 1.3k
You loved Bucky Barnes in the way that you had only ever heard of before in fairytale.
He was the perfect partner in every single way. You had met when you had graduated from high school and he had yelled at some men for heckling you in the street.
When you turned to see him, a smile lit up on your face at the handsome man in front of you, realising that he was the savior that you'd been waiting for. But he knew you didn't need saving and that's what you loved most about him.
You were dreaming of him again but ever since he died, the dreams felt like nightmares.
The calm blue of his eyes felt more like a storm crashing into the rocks and the sharp line of his jaw felt more like a knife cutting into your heart.
In your dreams, he smiled at you, that devilish smile that you used to love but now it haunts you at any moment.
He called your name and you reached ahead, your hand brushing against his. You didn't know what to say as he pulled you into his arms.
Music played in the background as you swayed in his arms and it was almost like you could feel the warmth of his skin against yours.
You closed your eyes, resting your head against his chest as you breathed in his scent, so distinct and the scent was fading from his clothes and your bed.
It was almost like you were both still together and he was still in your arms again.
But really, it was just a dream. Or more like a nightmare that you couldn't stop.
You woke up with a gasp, beads of sweat dripping down your forehead. The dream had felt so real, it was like he was really here again.
You kept thinking, he's alive, he's alive. But he wasn't, there was no way that Bucky, or any man for that matter, could have survived a fall like that
You took a deep breath, trying to ignore the dream as it plagued your memories. You sat up, looking down at the empty side of the bed that used to be occupied by him.
It didn't feel real that he wasn't here, even after six months, it still felt like he should be here in your arms.
You looked out of the window of your New York apartment and watched the leaves falling outside, the autumn cold sending a chill through your spine.
He always used to love this time of year, when the two of you would be able ro cozy up in bed and just lay there basking in each other's warmth with no care in the world, you missed that the most.
He loved winter too. You remembered rhe trip to the cabin that he had rented on your three year anniversary.
It had been freezing cold and he had begged you to go swimming in the lake and you had complained.
But now as you look back on the memory you wished you had cared more, that you had spent more tiume talking to him and asking him questions instead of complaining the whole time about the cold.
The regrets and guilt weighed down on you at night like someone was holding your head under water and you were drowning.
There were so many regrets and you wished you had a sliver of him left because he took so much away with him.
Bucky wasn't into material things and all you had left were letters and a few pictures that he had taken of the two of you together. All you had left were rhe memories of the two of you.
Sometimes, when you got lonely in the new York apartment all by yourself, you would pull out the box of letters and read them again, staring at where he signed his name, James.
You were the only one who he allowed to call him James and you wished you could talk to him just one more time.
He had all these dreams and hopes for the future and you hadn't been able to fulfill them for him.
Bucky had always wanted a big family. You were both going to move out to the outskirts of New York and have that white picket fence life. You were going to get married and live the rest of your days with one another.
There was nothing else that you wanted in this life then to spend the rest of your life with him.
He had smaller dreams too, like he wanted to go to France and that he wanted to have one of those fluffy dogs; simple things that to him meant everything. It made you smile as you thought about him but it also made the weight on your chest heavier as you realised that he wasn't here.
Sometimes, if you close your eyes you could almost see him and hear his voice, feel his fingers brushing against your cheeks. It was almost like he was still there.
You could still remember the day that you had gotten the letter from the general.
You had been sitting in your bedroom, a smile on your face as you read a letter from Bucky that he had sent a week ago that detailed his mission.
You missed him but he seemed optimistic that the war was going to be over soon and he would come back.
You had walked to the door whe you heard a knock and accepted the letter from the man, wondering if it was another one from james.
You sat in the living room, opening the letter with a type of childlike glee. You were always worried about the opening letter but you were confident now that he'd make it out alive.
Your heart sunk when you read the words on the page, the letter falling from your hands and onto the carpeted floor as you let out a deep sob.
It was a letter that said that Lieutenant James Buchanan Barnes had died in the swiss alps three days ago. It was finally his time to go.
After that day you didjt eat or sleep much, your heart broke in two at the fact that he wasn't here anymore even though you could still feel him out there somewhere, something you brushed off as a heartbroken feeling.
Your family and friends had comforted you telling you that there was a group for military widows nearby to talk to but you didn't want to go. You couldn't bring yourself to believe that this was it, that he was really dead and you'd finally lost him.
The door opening pulled you out of your thoughts about the day you received the letter and you turned to see Steve walking through the door.
You and Steve had been friends for as long as you'd known bucky but back then Steve had just been a small spindly boy.
He knew how much Bucky meant to you and he had seen how much he cared for you.
When he had joined the holding commandos, Steve had promised you that he'd look after bucky and make sure that he made it home safe.
He didn't.
At first you were mad. Screaming at him when he first came home, sobbing in his arms. You were so angry that bucky had died under his watch.
Eventually you came to terms with it and realised it wasn't Steve's fault and that he was struggling just as much as you were.
So now you just sat in the apartment that used ro be yours, crying in Steves arms as you wished you got one more letter from him, one more letter signed to you and only you.
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Promise Me | Part I
When he was sent out for war, Bucky made a promise to his lover that might just last through several lifetimes.
Summary: Y/N kept being reincarnated into the world for seemingly endless of lifetimes with the lasting, vivid memories of her past lover during the 40's, Sargent James B. Barnes. While she thought this was a 'punishment' for her sins, she was also unknowingly oblivious to the fact that James was still alive somewhere, almost forever frozen in the time.
Navigation: Part I | Part II | Part III (end)
Words: 6.5k++ (hella long bc lots to cover in the story building part)
Pairing: 40s!bucky / eventually tfatws!bucky x female!reader
Warnings: just slow induced angst for your daily consumption (i guess?) It has a hopeful ending so don't let the first warning chase you away. reincarnation concept. an attempt to follow exact mcu timeline (forgive if i'm wrong at certain parts). slight religious contents. grief & loss. graphic violence. deaths. mention of suicide. a lot of reader's pov, story building > dialogs (sorry guys).
P/S: Another impulsive writing from me y'all. I hope you don't get bored of this tendency of mine lol. I just need to let the fantasies out before it consumes me. So... anyway, it's gonna be another 3 parts fic cause for the love of god, I cannot commit for more :') Also, my first attempt of writing 40's bucky!!! I'm honestly scared. I hope you like it!
Read my other works here: Masterlist
Italy, 1943 – His return
If it was one thing that Bucky should expect when he decided to be in a relationship with Y/N was that he had to accept her for who she was; stubborn, clumsy, bold, clever, sweet and most certainly the prettiest dame he ever met.
He might have unknowingly signed up for it the moment he quite literally fell for her at one of those Stark's science expo. Bucky had been stealing glances at this one pretty lady in the crowd, adored in soft mint dress that falls right below her knees.
It wasn't even a scandalous dress to wear in public but somehow Bucky was more than ecstatic to marvel at her beauty. There was no such thing as a too long of a stare, especially when she laughed like that; throwing her head in amusement, the loose strands of her curls fall back across her shoulders as they slightly shook to the rhythm of her laughter.
A careless misstep, that Bucky could see from a mile away, had caused her to stagger backwards and twisted her ankle into an inevitable fall. Somehow, Bucky managed to slither his way through the crowd towards her, almost jumping forward to catch her before she landed on the ground.
Not only that he was the one who fell first, but he also fell hard.
So, it was expected that Bucky knew what he had got himself into. At least, that was what Y/N had been repeating in her head to convince herself for what she had done. Now that she was sitting at the back of the wobbly military truck, the fear had slowly started to seep into her, causing shivers to crawl all over her nerves.
Y/N just knew it in her guts that Bucky would be absolutely furious when he sees her but what does he expect her to do when she hadn't receive any letters from him for months now. So, when she heard that they needed more medical helpers at the Italy base, she signed up without thinking twice about it.
"There has been a recent attack on the 107th. Too many casualties and much more whose heavily injured. You might have your hands full the moment you arrive to the base. There are few rules..." The lieutenant's voice was rigid just as his demenour when he continued to inform the situation to the troops of medical staff.
No matter how much she wanted to pay attention to his words, Y/N couldn't help but to tune in only at his first few sentences. Casualties, heavily injured. Her hands moved to search for the cross pendent hanging from the necklace around her collarbone, gripping it tight as she prayed that her lover was not categorized under any of those dire circumstances.
What the lieutenant said in that truck could never be more true as the moment they stepped into the medic tent, Y/N and the others were quickly pulled to assist the fallen men. It was truly heartbreaking and horrid to witness the dreading truth behind what the public posed as the "heros of the country'.
Surely they were proud to fight for the nation but then again no human being should ever had to suffer the consequences of war; not the civilians and certainly not the soldiers.
After seemingly hours of continuous stitching, wrapping and patching up; surrounded sound of groaning pain and the endless cycle of inhaling the distinct scent of fresh blood, burned flesh and the bitter of anticeptic odor; the injured soldiers were finally taken care of and had been put to rest.
Y/N looked around the tent, noting the unorganized mess around the patients; the result of the panic and chaos of the whole situation. A thought came to her mind, she might need to do some cleaning up before writing down medical record for each one of the patients.
That was when the lieutenant entered into the tent, and his stern gaze swiftly analyzed the much calmer scene, "Thank you for your service, everybody. I assume the soldiers are stabilized?"
"Yes, sir." One of the battalion doctor replied as he approached, while the rest of the team watched from where they stood.
The lieutenant simply nodded, "Good." He paused for awhile and looked around, "Now, have any of you met Captain America before?"
There were bunch of no's murmured around the medical staff, some of them just shook their head as an answer and the lieutenant nodded again as he informed, "Well, I guess you are all just darn lucky cause he's here to perform. You are invited to come and join the others to watch, if you want to."
"Steve's here?" She thought to herself.
As the lieutenant continued to explain some things about accommodation, food and medical supplies, Y/N's head were filled with thought that her dear friend, Steve was there too.
"I wonder if he gotten any words from James."
"Maybe he got letters from him?"
"Or could it be that he was here to find James too?
There were so many questions kept circulating in her head that by the time she snapped out of them, the lieutenant was already long gone and some of the medic staff went out to untangle themselves from the hours of stressful tension.
As a nurse herself, she felt the need to take care of her patients and finish her job before anything else. So, she started to clean up the shredded clothes, bloodied guazes and the other medical tools that needed to be sterilized and put away.
By the time she finished, it finally dawned to her that there was no trace of Bucky in the medic tent. Which means he didn't fall into the heavily injured category. So, there was two left; the one she prayed for and the other that dreaded her to even think about.
Y/N quickly made her way towards the tent where she can find the soldier in charge. However, if she was focused during one of the lieutenant's speech in the truck, she would've heard that she and the others were not authorized to enter certain parts of the base, which include the higher ups' tents.
When she was turned down by the soldiers, she sadly walked away towards the main area where Steve was supposed to perform. The drag of her feet across the dusty sand was heavy but no more heavier than the burden in her heart.
She watched as her black pump shoes gradually covered with light sand. Finding it odd that a few weeks ago she was standing on the shiny tile of a hospital in Brooklyn and now she was halfway across the world in the middle of the chaos of a war.
The things she'd do for love.
Soon enough, the dry ground was wet from the sudden down pour, turning it into a murky soggy path. Y/N quickly ran towards the main area where apparently the show was long over. "Did I missed Steve?" She thought as she stepped into the tent where the performers supposed to be.
The tent turned out to be empty and only the sound of drizzling raindrops above it was left behind. She looked around the area and saw the costumes for the performers were still there; the pleated white and red skirt hanging on the rack, white gloves clipped with them, the captain's shield with notes sticking at the back of it and the iconic blue helmet-mask thingy plastered with the obvious letter.
She peeked a little to the right only to see Steve hunched down on the floor, curling into himself just as he always did back when he was left beaten up in the alleyway somewhere in Brooklyn. She guessed that the upgrade of his size doesn't really change his habits.
Y/N walked closer to see him holding his sketchbook on one hand and another was a pencil pressing across the paper, lining the drawing of a monkey on a unicycle. "I guess the serum does not amplify your art skills huh Steve?" she teased as she approached the blonde man.
Steve lifted up his head as he turned towards the familiar voice, "y/n?" His face lit up as he recognized her face. He stood on his feet and pulled her into a tight hug, "It's so good to see you." He sighed, he haven't seen her since his departure when she insisted for him to stay.
But alas, Steve was also as stubborn as her.
It took awhile for him to process it but when it came to him, he gently pushed her away, "Wait.. what are you doing here?" His brows creased into a worried frown.
Y/N simply smiled as she responded, "They needed help, so I volueentered."
Steve shook his head in disbelief, "Bucky made me promise not to let you do stuff like this." In which Y/N countered, "And he also remind you not to do anything stupid until he get back so..." she purposely trailed her words for him to draw the conclusion on his own.
He let out a long sighed before concluding, "Bucky's gonna kill us."
Since, Bucky was in the topic, Y/N took the oppurtunity to asked Steve about him, "About that, have you heard--"
A woman's voice came from her back, cutting in between her words, "Steve?"
Steve nervously untangled himself from Y/N as he shyly greeted the woman, "Hi."
The woman continued to stare at Y/N trying to figure out her role and relationship with Steve but before she could get any strange idea, he quickly introduced her, "This is y/n. She's my good friend from home."
A spark of realization glint through her eyes "I see. I'm Peggy. Nice to meet you." She extended her hand towards Y/N, in which Y/N gladly shook it in hers as she reintroduced herself, "You too. I'm y/n."
After the brief exchange of smile between the two ladies, Steve continued to asked Peggy, "What are you doing here?"
Peggy sighed as she explained, "Officially, I'm not here at all." She paused as she picked her words, "I just came by to oversee the situation after the recent attack."
Although Y/N knew what Peggy meant, she was one of the medic staff that had been stitching up the aftermath of that attack after all. However, Steve on the other hand seemed to be lost.
Peggy further explained, "Schmidt sent out a force to Azzano, more than 200 men went up against him and less than 50 returned." She paused, "Your audience contained what's left of the 107th."
Steve's blues widen in realization that almost looked much like panic, "The 107th?"
"What?" Peggy prompt quickly.
Steve then turned his head to Y/N, "Bucky?" He questioned shortly.
But even she was hoping that he'll know something about Bucky, apparently she was wrong, "I tried to ask but I'm not authorized to enter the tent. I was hoping you heard from him."
Seeing the panic in Steve's eyes, she knew that her lover was no where near the safety that she prayed for. But before fear could set in, Steve sprinted out of the tent, "Come on!" he shouted as Y/N and Peggy ran closely behind him.
When they arrived to the tent, fortunately they had the permission to enter with the help of Peggy. "Well, if it isn't the Star-Spangled Man With A Plan. What is your plan today?" Colonel Philips greeted in a teasing manner.
Steve didn't even bother to greet the colonel as he demanded, "I need the casualty list from Azzano." In which the Philips responded, "You don't get to give me orders, son."
Knowing that arguments won't help the situation, he control his tone of voice and spoke, "I just need one name, Sergeant James Barnes from the 107th." He took a short breath and insisted, "Please tell me if he's alive, sir. B-A-R-"
Colonel Phillips stood on his feet as he walked towards a table behind him, "I can spell. I have signed more of these condolence letters today than I would care to count." He paused before turning around to eye on Steve and briefly on the very worried looking nurse next to him.
"But the name does sound familiar. I'm sorry." There was a flash of sincerity in his eyes when he looked towards Y/N.
The optimistic Steve continued to insist more about other possibilities than casualties, "What about the others? Are you planning a rescue mission?" They went back and forth about the what is the 'right' thing to do, "Yes, it's called 'winning the war'. "
And suddenly sound of the heavy rain fall was all Y/N could hear, then comes the booming of her heartbeat as the panic started to deprive her of any optimism, clouding her judgment to think of anything near to positive outcomes such as Steve.
It was getting harder to breath and the anxitey slowly choked her, forcing tears to pool in her eyes. Peggy swiftly took a hold on Y/N, before her knees managed to fall to the ground. The muffled sound of Peggy's voice managed to come through but not enough to wake her from the despair.
Before she knew it, Steve was already gone for an unauthorized rescue mission with the help from Peggy. And ever since, Y/N had spend every waking moment digging her knees into the uneven ground. Her elbows bruised from how hard she propped them on the steel edge of the army green cot. Her palms almost dented to shape of the silver cross as she desperately squeeze it between her hold.
She prayed and prayed for his return. For both of her dearest to be safe, to find their way home.
And for a moment Y/N thought her prayers were graciously granted by God, as the crowd was getter louder and the circle of soldiers were geting thicker when the survivors joined the rest of them. There were chantings of "Captain America" that echoed throughout the base and that gave her relief to know that Steve was safe.
But it was not enough to tame her anxiousness. Y/N's focus has never been sharper when her eyes scanned the crowd, she slithered her way between the jumping joy of the soldiers, grabbing onto some men who she mistook as Bucky until she saw him.
Her heartbeat ramped increasingly as she pushed through the soldiers, finding strength from the blood pumping excitement when she recognize those steel blues and that cheeky smile. Not long before she managed to grab onto his hand and pulled his attention to her.
It was brief but he knew that face anywhere; and suddenly his whole body was engulf into a familiar tight hug that he thought he could never be able to feel again. "James." her voice still stuttered even if it was just one word that came out of her lips.
"y/n?" Bucky called her name, almost in disbelief.
God, she never knew that she was able to miss his voice this much.
"Doll, what you doing here?" He gently lead her away, which she reluctantly followed, "I'm here for you." There was no need of lies now that Bucky was here in her arms.
His gaze soften with a mix of concern and joy, "What do you mean you're here for me?" Bucky couldn't help but to let out a short laugh, "Sweetheart, you do realized that you're in the middle of a war?" His brows quirked as he reminded.
Y/N rolled her eyes. Of course, she realized that. The moment she saw that form for enlistment, she knew. But, it didn't stop her to sign up, does it?
She laced her fingers into his, "I didn't come all the way here to fight with you, James." she whispered as she leaned closer, "So, please just shut up and kiss me."
Bucky might have just realized it now; what a stubborn, demanding, crazy little lover got himself. Though at the same time, she had never charmed him more.
Bucky sighed in defeat before running his tongue on his lower lip, "Well then, come here you little minx" he took her by the head and gave her the most desperate yet sweetest kiss she could never forget.
Brooklyn, 1944 – Promises, promises
It was the day that Steve, Bucky and the rest of the Howling Commandos were depolying to the Austrian Alps for one of the biggest mission since Captain's impulsive rescue mission in Italy last year.
Apparently, Zola was on the move and predicted to be passing though the location while travelling on a train.
This wasn't the first time she had sent Bucky away, but the fear of each always felt like it was her first; especially when she thought about the promise of death that's chained to a soldier's fate.
The closer the time of departure, the stronger her grip on Bucky's uniform becomes. And Bucky didn't need to say anything because he knows her too well; she won't take any of his sweet words as a cure for her distress.
Bucky slowly swayed her from side to side as their embrace tightens with need; her face hidden in the crook of his neck while his arms secured around her waist. He had to smile as it reminded him of their late night dance, barefoot on the kitchen floor of his apartment.
He could feel the teasing gaze coming from his back as well as the whistles of the Howling Commandos playfully making fun of him. Bucky was also well aware of the fact that everyone had made theirs bets on when will the Sargent James B. Barnes finally get down on his knees for his little nightingale of a nurse.
Unsurprisingly, Steve might just win the bet afterall. That punk just had know everything about him.
Y/N closer snuggled into him one last time, "Come home to me, James." She whispered against his skin before pulling away. Teary eyes threatened to spill its salty liquid as she looked up at him, "Promise me."
Bucky's charming smile lighten his features as he leaned to press a kiss in her forehead, "I promise."
Brooklyn, 1945 – Loved and lost
Months gone by, entered the new year, and it always felt like eternity for Y/N. She spent nights kneeling next to her bed and days on the church's floor; practically begging to God for the life of her lover, for keeping him away from death.
And the letters from Bucky also come and goes within those few months' time, with his promises of coming home that's laced in the words of his longing and love for her.
But, little did she knew, that promise met it's end of the bargain when the dreaded letter came to her hands. It came from the man she met back in Italy base, Colonel Phillips, sending the words of condolences for the death Sargent James B. Barnes during his honourable mission at the Austrian Alps.
But the first time she read to words, it didn't even register in her head. It was as if her brain failed to translate the message for her to understand. Y/N had been re-reading the same lines over and over and over until it finally clicked.
The usually bright eyes of hers were now slowly filled with tears, she was in the state of shock; that even if her brain knew exactly what had happened but her heart wasn't ready for it.
The tears started to fall down onto the letter. Drip by drip. And all of the sudden she lost every word that she could ever think of. Her silent scream; suffocating her with each breath she took desperately gripping onto the fragile piece of paper, holding it to her chest hold as if that would help to ease the pain in her heart.
Y/N could feel it in her ripping guts. How all the threads of every joyful memories she could ever once recall; they unraveled in a way that broke her to pieces until they were all but a rumpled of strings scattered about her feet.
A sharp fall had forced Y/N down to her knees, skin digging into the hard floor as her hands trembled silently, clutching onto the letter.
At first when she opened her mouth, there was not a single sound came out as her breath ripped from her lungs. Each left her with scars of loss and every waking minute in this reality was just pure pain.
Her body bend forward until her forehead meets the floor, that was when she wailed; an agonizing scream that left a haunting memory to the neighbours around her apartment.
She cried like there was too much raw pain inside that she could never contained. She cried like her soul needed to break loose from her skin, desperate to release a loathful rage on the world.
But it was more than just crying, it was the sobbing of a woman that drained of all hope. She sank on floor, willing herself to be swallowed by the dread and loss. Just screaming out the agonies that been dancing across her vulnerable veins.
Her chest violently quivered as she was desperately trying to catch the air. She collected every last energy that she had to call out the name of the lover she had loss, "James.." Her gasping breath whispered against the floor, "You promised."
A month later the nation celebrate to the announcement to the end of a war, but to Y/N it was just another wave of mourning grief to a loss of another precious person in her life; Steve.
Amidst the loud sound of cheering and laughter, she rushed away from the crowd to the place that she had put all her faith into. Stumbling through the empty church and falling at the feet of Jesus' statue, Y/N looked up at the face if God with loath, rage, despair, and tears.
The night was brighten to the flashing light from the firework but all she could think of was how similar the sound of it to a firing canon in the war. And the thought of Bucky and Steve run through her mind.
She had been nothing but faithful to the lord, religiously prayed for no more than saving the life of people she held dear to her heart.
But, God thought it would be merciful to let them die.
Y/N harshly ripped the cross necklace from her neck, tearing her skin apart in the process. She gripped on the cross in her hands, much like she would few month back but for completely different reason.
The crimson of her blood tainted her white collar of her nurse uniform as she she cursed the all mighty God for what he had done. Ever since, she swore to herself to never be naive to the illusion of God's mercy ever again.
Washington D.C., 2014 – An old friend
Fate is full with irony and God has his way of twisting them for his own pleasure.
When Y/N died in the 60's, old and unmarried, even if she doesn't believe in God anymore, her dying wish was to be able to meet her lover and friend again.
At least one more time.
But lo and be hold, God had different plans for her. Y/N's body did die that night on the hospital bed but her soul never did. It was as if she was woken up from sleep in another body with the same face as her, that's when she realized she has been reincarnated.
Apparently, she was only born in the same family lineage as her original life; whether coming from her younger brother or cousin or anyone related back to her bloodline. And sharing even the tiniest amount of blood of her own, triggers every single memory from her previous life.
This wasn't what she wanted.
She didn't want to live knowing she cannot be with Bucky.
So on the 2nd life, she did the unthinkable. She took her own life, thinking that she would finally leave the world behind but she didn't.
It happened again.
And again.
And again.
So, when she reached her 6th life, she realized that she will never able to meet James and Steve ever again; that was when she went rogue.
Her 6th life was filled with rage and vengeance that she took the idea of life very lightly. So, instead of living until the old days, she searched for revenge and got herself tragically killed in the process.
Now, the 18 year old Y/N was in her 7th life, with a new name that was given by her 7th parents, "Evelyn" , and the spitting image of her 1st life. From her dark raven hair to the light brown of her eyes. This time, she decided to try to accept the cruel fate; the cursed that God had placed on her for the sin that she made decades ago.
Y/N walked around the Smithsomian Museum, specifically at the American history section where they put up Captain America's exhibit. It's been how many lifetimes since she surround herself with knowledge of a past that she once lived.
This was the first time, since her first life. And most probably the last time since she was going overseas in a week to continue her studies in Asia.
She walked along the line up display of the Howling Commandos suits, remembering the living flesh of them as she took steps forward to each, stopping in front of Bucky's.
Flashes of him appeared to where the figure stood; the memories was so vivid that she could still feel fabric of his suit against her, the electrifying feeling on his skin on her own.
She ripped her gaze away just to be greeted by the portrait of Bucky, plastered so hugely on the memorial of one of the Howling Commandos section. Despite the cracking of her heart, her body move on its own; as they knew that deep down, Y/N's heart will always be yearning for her lover.
Her gaze soften with longing and nostalgic as she slowly blink at his features. His considerably messy hair, that little frown that he does to act mysterious for the ladies, and the thin layer of beard that she loved to leave her lipstick marks on.
Y/N's daydream were cut short when someone pulled her by the arm, startling her into a defensive mode. Her 6th life's habit almost broke through when she nearly flipped the man on the floor but thankfully she stopped herself as she recognized those blue eyes.
The man's face looked pale like he had seen a ghost, as he uttered a name that she haven't heard for decades, "y/n?"
"Steve..." she called his name wordlessly.
She knew he was alive. Everybody does, when the news came out in 2011, she was merely a 15 year old kid back then. Apparently, the super soldier serum helped him to survive the ice.
She remembered how her parents rushed to her room when they heard the sudden cluttering sounds of panic upstairs, only to find their daughter on the floor looking pale while her cup of iced coffee spilling in all over her study desk as the viral youtube video of Captain America running through New York city barefoot.
She remembered the feeling of both disbelief and joy that rushed through body as her parents helped her to sit up on her bed. The moment that it sunk into her head, she began to cry. Streams of joyful tears broke from her shaky body, each drop washed the painful burden in her heart as her parents lulled her to sleep.
Y/N never made an effort to meet him after knowing truth because who would've believe her words?
She wasn't Steve. There wasn't any super soldier serum in her blood. There wasn't any tank of chemical that drown her with power.
She was cursed and now she had to live with it.
Meanwhile, Steve seemed to be trapped in a spiralling confusion of his own. He examined each of her features and he had not a single doubt that she has the same face to an old friend in the 40's.
The same friend that he knew died of old age in the 60's.
But, how come the person managed to have the exact same face to hers. Now that he looked closer, she was younger than the last time he saw Y/N. She looked like she was in her teens, "Are you really y/n?" His voice was soft as he muttered.
Y/N bit the insides of her cheeks, holding back the urge of telling him the truth, "Sorry, I think you got the wrong person." she tried to untangle his grasp around the thin of her arm.
Even her voice was similar to Y/N, and she was looking at Bucky's photo like she knew him.
How could she say that she's was not Y/N?
Steve reluctantly let go of her arms and took a step away after seeing the distress on her face, "I-I'm sorry. You remind me of someone I know." He couldn't take his eyes off her.
She was just too similar looking to someone precious that he left behind.
"It's okay, sir." She smiled gently, like the way she usually does when Steve apologizes for his impulsiveness of picking a fight in alleyways. She looked up to the taller man as she continued, "Thank you for being alive..." she hesitated to call him by his name so instead she called for his other name, "...Captain."
She thanked him sincerely before walking away, leaving Steve to reminisce the memories of his life with Y/N and Bucky as he stared at Bucky's memorial.
The next week, she left the United States for Asia where she planned to spend 4 years studying at the National University of Singapore, leaving her past behind in hopes of moving forward with her life, refusing to care about the avengers shenanigans anymore, including her dear friend, Steve.
New York, 2018 – New norms
When half of the population was wiped out from the earth, two of them was Y/N's parents. And like every other people who had lost their loved ones during the blip, her parents sudden absence truly take a toll on her, especially when she was planning to live a long life with them.
After graduating and getting a decent job in Singapore, she was forced to go back to New York when it happened. Y/N couldn't just let her childhood house left abandoned, she simply can't let that happen.
You would thought a person who had multiple lifetimes would be used to losing someone they love but no. It only gets worst as the years go by.
The more Y/N tried to fit into the new norms, the more that she could feel herself slipping into old habits of her 6th life.
Until that one drunken night when she visited the Smithsomian Museum again after years of forcing herself to forget about him; it took her one look at the potrait of Bucky, she knew what she had to do.
Germany, 2023 – An old nemesis
Nearly 5 years into the blip and Y/N was already becoming a legend in the underground scene. They called her the Deathstalker. She never really knew the origin of it but nevertheless she chooses to stick with the newly founded identity.
With the skills she picked up on her 6th life, she easily became the most deadly assassin in the business, seemingly in a constant competition of reputation with the highly popular, black widow assassins.
Though she couldn't care less about who was winning the battle, she only cares about tracking anything or anyone related to Hydra.
After that fateful night at the museum, she couldn't to think that this must be her calling.
If the curse made her technically immortal, then why not became the hunter destined to slay the monster. They said that Hydra will never die, but so was she. And if anything good came out from this curse, then she might as well use it to avenge Bucky.
And bring the old nemesis to the ground.
Her 6th life was similar to this but she wasn't going to make the same mistake. The flaming greed to have her revenge was too strong back then, it lead her to be hasty and clumsy, which then let her to an early death.
But, she's grown out of those immaturity.
Nowadays, she takes her time and still get the job done flawlessly. Just like she is now, when the soft but dark sound of her chuckle, interrupted the silence that had claimed the room.
The poor man was sitting limp on the chair with his body tied with it. He had been like this for seemingly hours with a knife in one of his thighs, which trembled with the vibrations of his body.
More so, when Y/N twisted them, causing a keen of pain to clawed up his throat and spilled out a hoarse groan.
"Where is it?" Her fingers wrapped around the handle, as she watched the man tossed his head, more with fear than trying to answer.
"I don't like to repeat myself." Y/N slid the blade free, causing a noise he would not forget. The man sagged against his bonds, panting as he watched the blood surged and dribbled out of the wound.
But then he felt the prick against his other leg, wide eyes turning to watch as the knife was held above his skin, Y/N's hand flat against the top, ready to push in. "Where the fuck is it?" her tone was eerie as the voice changer in her mask produced an emotionless robotic effect on it.
"I don't know what you're talking about." The thick german accent seethed through his voice as he grunted in pain.
There was only boredom in Y/N's eyes as she gazes straight into his. A stab of the knife went through his thigh without a warning, until the tip of it almost met the flat surface of the chair beneath it.
The whole room echoed with the sound of the whimpering and cries of his struggle, "Please, I swear to God I don't know what you're talking about." He pleaded as fast as he can, when he felt the shortage of breaths in his lungs due to dealing with the excruciating pain.
"Playing dumb isn't going to help you, mutt." She twisted the knife, pulled out and stabbed it again causing him to fall into an almost delirious state, "Please, please please, I swear I don't know anything about the serum." He blurted out of misery.
There it was.
The thing she wanted to hear.
Y/N's eyebrow quirked in interest, "I never mentioned the serum in our conversation, no?"
He fucked up.
He knew that he fucked up.
But, does it matter when his body was searing in pain?
By the end of the intense interrogation, Y/N finally got the intel she needed to find and destroy whatever was left behind by Wilfred Nagel, who was recruited by the CIA to recreate the super soldier serum.
Those greedy fuckers just cannot stay away from things that shouldn't be meddled with. Even Y/N could see the potential threats of a successful recreation the super soldier serum; they were practically asking for Hydra to revive to its glory days.
And she would not allow that to happen.
She needed to destroy it before its finished.
A loud wail left the man's lips, almost sounded a little strained as he had been screaming in pain for hours. Y/N mercilessly grabbed him by his sweaty chin as she pried his mouth open. Knowing exactly what was coming, the man begged, "Oh lord, please please help me please."
Leaning closer she coldly spoke, "The gods doesn't care about you. Trust me I've been there." With a swift strike, she forced her knife down his throat, and a splash of red tainted her mask, nearly got into her eyes but she managed to blink before it does.
She stood still as she watched him gurgle on his own blood as death collected his soul. Wiping the blood away from her eyelid, she walked out of the abandoned building with a mission to finish; all the while blissfully oblivious to the war that the avengers were fighting to their death on the other side of the world.
Madripoor, 2024 – The most prized asset
The returned of her parents were as sudden as the lost. Though she was glad that they were back, however she had to live a double life now that they kept asking about her job and personal life as they wanted to catch up for the lost of time in 5 years.
Y/N felt bad for lying to her parents but it was for their own good. Now, that she had sent them to a honeymoon to travel all over Europe, she felt better in pursuing her mission without concerns.
Besides the joyful return there was also the awful ones.
Now, that Wilfred Nagel was back from the blip. The serum was perfected to its finest version. And was stolen by bunch of kids protesting for equal rights.
What a fucking mess that was.
But, she would deal with that later. The main focus right now was to find the man itself. There would be no more serums if the source is eradicated.
That was her priority.
With her face hidden behind her signature mask, Y/N walked through the messy crowd as she searches for Shelby's men. This should be a short meeting, since Shelby and her had history together; or more to a favour that she owns to Y/N.
However, when she tried to tune in into the hushed conversations in the crowd, she noticed that the murmurs seemed to be divided into two hot topics; one about the sudden appreance of the Deathstalker, which was herself, and second was surprisingly about the return of another notorious assassin.
Then when the conversations died down, a fight suddenly broke out. Y/N hold on the handle of her blades from the side of her thighs, as she stiffed into a defensive mode.
While on the other hand, the crowd seemed to be more interested in recording the fight, than avoiding it.
She seemlessly weaved her way through the people, only to see that the action ended with a man choked onto the table of bar. The attacker's face turned away from her where she could only see his figure from the back.
Then, a gleam of gold caught her attention, Y/N squinted her eyes as she analyzed the man's left arm.
It was not the pattern of the sleeve from his suit.
It was his arm.
A black bionic arm.
Which reminded of her of someone she came across in her 6th life; but his was a tin foil silver with a red star on his upper arm. At the time, he was Hydra's most prized asset, they called him the Winter Soldier.
Part II >>
Read my other works here: Masterlist
A/N: yes, I am well aware that left y'all hanging but I still hope you enjoy this one. Tell me what you think so far, I'm curious if y'all cry at the part where she received the letter or maybe you can comment of something else, I'd still love to hear them ♡
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