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diary-of-a-black-woman · 2 years

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The Truth Hurts

I just learned something that crushed my soul. I’ve recently taken up writing, specifically poetry and journaling, but now I might have to stop.

I write poetry to flesh out my emotions and feelings, I write from my heart and was looking to create a community of people who feel the same. I also decided to look into publishing my work. I’ve had one of my works published into a book before and I felt so accomplished. I never thought my work was good enough to be accepted, I just applied on a whim and happened to get in! I also didn’t think my work would have been found here, but it did and I’m so grateful.

However, if you post your poetry anywhere, it is considered published and literary journals prefer work that hasn’t been anywhere else so they can have first copyrights. It hurts that I won’t be able to post my poetry as often as I thought I would. As you can see, I just started posting more regularly and my poems were the real reason why. Nevertheless, I won’t stop posting altogether. I just need to be more selective on what I share and write more so I’ll actually have something to choose from.

More Short News

I’ve started replying to my friends more! My communication improved greatly, but recently has sharply declined. I’m not sure what happened. My guess is that I have a lot on my mind and a lot of things to do that I haven’t started, so much that I don’t think it’s right to “pleasure” myself by talking to friends or even doing self-care stuff. I just need to get it together and allow myself time to take breaks from work.

I haven’t had much success in other departments lately. My hair is giving me so much trouble right now. Any of my thick, tightly coiled hair girls will understand what I’m going through right now. My hair is a ball of knots and I fear a cat may start playing with it soon. I accomplished detangling one part, thus only 19/20 more to go!

Although I haven’t successfully secured a job and might’ve messed up my only chance to get one twice, I’m looking into being a part time editor/writer. My first look is book reviews for the Library Journal, it looks like a great experience. I was on the fence about participating in an English degree, and my experience in one of my English classes wasn’t the best, but I won’t let that deter me. I’m going to be more selective on which classes I take and might even look into creative writing. I just don’t know if my creative writing juices have dried up for good, and I don’t want to take the class to find that out then get an F. Who knows, I might take that chance. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve challenged myself.

This was a huge rant, but I just wanted to get a post on here after being silent for such a long time.

I’m still bummed I can’t post poetry consistently anymore. This blog might become more journal/review like for a while, until I can figure out which of my poems I can post here.

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diary-of-a-black-woman · 2 years

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Broken Fourth Wall

Constantly tired is my name

Always asking for a break

The chirping in the back say I'm lazy

Yet my mind is on its fifth overtime and it's just Monday

I work day in and day out

The birds can't see behind the tree

Maybe that's my fault

I built that overarching shade in hopes it would provide me comfort

Perhaps the melody of the birds can take its place

However I cannot help but think

Their sayings are wrong

Who's to say their actions won't be as well

The hymns from the siren and mermaid are indistinguishable

I'm surrounded by the sea of uncertainty

But one thing is sure

I won't stop working

Backstory

Recently I have been going through a tough time. I guess I haven't been on the good side of life. I think my deposition is starting to become more noticeable which is unfortunate. I just caught wind that people have been speaking about me privately and that is one of my biggest pet peeves. I thoroughly dislike it when people talk about me behind my back then take on a different persona in front of my face. I prefer it when people are just honest with me even if it's something negative. The unknown really bothers me, and that includes not knowing whether people are truly on your side or just faking it.

I'm just going to have to accept that I won't always know if people are being genuine with me. I just have to continue being the best version of myself with and without others, as that's all I can ever do in this life.

On to other news...

I haven't kept up honest communication with my support group. I feel awful about it too, and it's making it even harder for me to contact them. I'm just hoping they aren't upset with me, but if they are I'll understand because going MIA on a friend is messed up. I do wish to hang out with them soon because I am in dire need of some relaxation and enjoyment with my friends. I also reached out to someone who was close to me recently through text message and received no response in return :( It hurts, but I understand. I actually called them today as well, not to be overbearing, but the info I needed to tell them was urgent. I left a voicemail a couple of hours ago and I still haven't heard anything back from them. Not sure what to do about that, but I can only hope they're okay.

Also, happy Father's Day! I know it's tough being a parent, so I hope all the fathers are enjoying a little day to themselves. I think it's funny how every June like clockwork, the discourse on whether single mothers can wish themselves a happy Father's Day. I can see both sides of the argument, but I won't share my opinion on the matter as it doesn't really concern me. I'd love to hear yours though!

This is one of my shorter posts. I almost feel guilty for not writing more to be honest, but I'm still happy to be writing and getting something out there in the open. This one was more personal as well so I'm finally getting into the diary aspect of this blog after getting inspiration from Tumblr (shocking I know).

#poetry #poem #writers #writers on tumblr #my writing #personal blog #online diary #diary #tumblr diary #sad poem #original poem #queue pierce my soul #poemsbyme

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diary-of-a-black-woman · 2 years

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my shyness hurts

My social life is in critical condition, call an ambulance

I just realized this is supposed to be my online diary, but it's starting to look a lot like my personal diary: empty. I'm going to try and post more, even if I don't have a lot to say. That's really my biggest weakness, I rarely have anything I believe is important to say so I say nothing instead. Horrible habit of mine as it makes it difficult to stay connected with friends.

It makes me wonder too. My friends always have crazy stories that's going on in their lives to tell me and all I got is stress. Literally as I write there is a plethora of important things I should be completing, yet they are also the things I don't want to be doing because it's boring. I think my background and how I was raised may play into my boring lifestyle. I wasn't allowed to go to events, for what reason I wasn't aware. I hardly ever went out just for fun as a child and I think I've taken that practice into adulthood, which I hate. My quiet nature is most likely the biggest culprit though. At this point my shyness is causing me physical pain as I deeply wish to have an active social life. I'm praying I'll be able to cross this lack of social skills hurdle one day because I need social interaction right now, and a little bit of romance wouldn't hurt too.

On a lighter note, I've recently got into writing more, but specifically poetry and short creative writing stories! A couple of years ago I had written some writing pieces and I think I might edit them and share them here. I can't tell a lie; they are a bit gruesome. They are cringeworthy and depressing, which really depicts the frame of mind I was in when I wrote them. I get sad when I read it, but also happy for how much I've grown and changed. Plus, I'm more positive :)

I went searching the other day for a specific piece I wrote. I remember the prompt was to write a backstory of your own goddess. I created a black goddess who had the gift of a captivating voice that made people instantly fall in adore her once they heard it. She sang constantly due to her gift, but it annoyed her father, so much that he made a deal to trap her voice and barred her from speaking ever again. A haunting but beautiful story of having your voice shut down by the "bigger man".

I still haven't found that story, but I haven't lost hope yet. There are still some folders that it could be hiding in that I haven't checked yet. I did find some other cool gems along the way, including a cute note a little kid I helped wrote to me a couple years ago. Reading it touched my heart and reminded me exactly why I do the things I do. My earnest desire in life is to help someone and be a positive character in someone's story. I pray I can reach out to those who are in a dark space and just need someone to be there for them. That's the reason I decided to create an online diary; in hopes it would bring comfort to someone else as it brings peace to me.

Another quick update, I went to my favorite place after not going for a while: the public library. The library has my heart to be very honest. It's such a beautiful, peaceful place. The public libraries are giving out free books this summer so you know I had to stop by some libraries and pick up some books, and I will continue to do that all summer. I also borrowed some classic books, including Wuthering Heights :) Super excited to get reading! It's a classic so I've heard a lot of good things about it, and I love gothic novels. Look out for that book review this summer!

Let me know if you prefer longer or shorter posts so I know how to space out!

#onlinediary #writers on tumblr #writblr #writers #introvert #interactive blog #personal blog #online diary #tumblr diary #thoughts #shyness #shy #books & libraries #my liberation diary #friends #life #journal

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diary-of-a-black-woman · 2 years

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Hunter x Hunter

I just finished watching Hunter x Hunter and I LOVED it! Check out my reaction and send me some recs!

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Found my new favorite show!! But a little backstory first :)

I've always been surrounded by anime fans, both in school and at home, but I never really got into it myself. I'm a part of the younger sibling/cousin crew so you know that means I had 0 tv remote privileges and had to watch whatever everyone else wanted to watch. I've watched some of the "OG" anime because of this, think DBZ, Naruto, Pokémon, etc.

I didn't start watching anime on my own until middle school when I found Peach Girl on YouTube. I have no idea how I found it, but all I know is I was HOOKED. I mean I watched it day in and day out for hours until I experienced my arm falling asleep for the first time, and I freaked out thinking I was injured. I frantically ran to my mom's room holding my arm like it fell off. But I digress, Peach Girl was awesome, it's a drama-filled show with a bucket of romance. I should totally rewatch it now that I'm older.

After Peach Girl I stumbled on One Punch Man. That suddenly became my new number one show. It's really action packed, and I liked Satima's nonchalant nature. The backstory episode with the lobster monster-human was disturbingly funny and drew me into the show. But these two shows just weren't enough, I needed something more. I really wanted to join the community that surrounded me.

I asked my friends for a recommendation after watching A Silent Voice (which I recommend btw it's a great movie) and that's when I found my baby: Hunter x Hunter.

The Best Show

Very action-packed and suspenseful show. I didn't like the first episode too much I wouldn't say it was boring, but it's the part of the story where you have to set up the storyline or the plot, which is also the slow part of novels that I don't really like but I understand the importance. Surprisingly, it only lasted one episode after that boom the rest had me hooked. The Hunter Games arc was where the main characters were introduced, and it was quite suspenseful because they had to pass through challenging tests in order to prove they were worthy enough to be a hunter. The tests were peculiar, and I really didn't know whether or not they were going to win or lose so I was on the edge of my seat every episode. Honestly, I wish I could rewatch it again to relive how it felt the first watch. I also loved seeing the dynamic between Gon and Killua and the bond between the gang grow, it was like watching a bunch of friends go through middle school up to college together.

I think the show slipped in the back stories of the characters in very well, like when Leorio and Kurapika were running up the steps huffing and puffing and Kurapika asks Leorio what's the real reason he wants to be a hunter because it can't just be from money, and then Leorio goes on and tells the story about his friend passing. I think all the backstories are good except Gon's. The whole reason for this show is so funny to me because why are you putting in so much effort to find your deadbeat father who wants nothing to do with you. He's going through life and death experiences and putting his friends who he loves through life and death things just to see a man who wants nothing to do with him and has told him that, what's the point? But he didn't want to know anything about his dead mother which was so weird. I mean I understand why because of the relationship with his aunt, but the same time it was kind of annoying that he didn't want to know his mother but is willing to die for his deadbeat father, why? Then again, he is a kid, so it makes sense that he makes rash decisions, and he has good character development as the show goes on. His stupidness also makes the pairing with Killua great.

My Storyline Arc Ranking:

York New City

Hunter Games

Chimera Ant

Heaven's Arena

Greed Island

I guess some people say the Zoldyck Family arc is actually an arc, but if it was, I think it would go 3rd or 4th. At first, I didn't like the Chimera Ant arc because seeing that queen eat those humans was disgusting and every time I saw the ants all I could see was that image. I like to eat when I'm watching the tv, but I couldn't finish my cereal after seeing that and stopped watching the show for like a whole year or two. I picked it back up pushed through the nastiness and eventually it started to get really good. I love that the Phantom Troupe had an appearance because that's my favorite characters. I see why some people argue that the chimera ant arc is the best because it made some powerful statements at the end about mass destruction. I would let it go number one myself but my love for the Phantom Troupe storyline is too strong.

I think the Kurapika, the Phantom Troupe, the Zoldyck Family, and Hisoka have the most exceptional scenes. The writers gave them all such a powerful presence, you just have to pay attention when you see them. And of course, I can't forget about my girl Canary! She had such a small screen time, but a big impact. I'm hoping with the anime coming back we'll get to see some more of her, as well as the story with the Phantom Troupe and Kalluto.

I'm finished ranting for now, but I'm so glad to see the artist behind hxh is feeling better and that the anime is coming back! I've only watched the 2011 version so I'm still hiding from spoilers.

I'm looking for a new anime to watch! So lemme know if you have any recommendations :)

#anime #hunter x hunter #canary hxh #reviews #anime reaction #anime reccs #my writing #writers on tumblr #writers #writblr #writerslife #peach girl #one punch man

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diary-of-a-black-woman · 2 years

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Rebecca, The End

This is my second part of my review of “Rebecca”, don’t forget to read the first part!

Now this young lady is CRAZY. She went from a shrivel, shy, can’t do anything by myself to oozing with confidence teetering on ignorant arrogance. First she couldn’t even look at Mrs. Danvers, now she’s telling the workers “I do want I want, I’m Mrs. De Winter” (353). And all she had to do to free herself was hear Max say he hated Rebecca. Not only hated her, but murdered her. Why is she not running? How has she found solace in hearing her husband killed his late wife? Does her hatred for Rebecca run so deep? Her obsession with Max that strong to look over such a criminal act?! I understand that Rebecca was not perfect or right, but murder is just as inexcusable as adultery and abuse. I was rooting for this young lady but she was crazy from the start! Now I’m rooting for the truth and justice. Too bad Favell doesn’t have a good case or witness because he’s absolutely right! Given the circumstances of the beginning of the novel, it sounds like everything works out or at the very least the de Winters are on the run. I just hope justice is rightly served.

The story is getting good!! Far from what I had expected the plot to go. I thought Rebecca was the main character who would be haunted and tormented by the ex-wife. I was thinking there would be a ghost flying around haunting her dreams, terrorizing her life, but Rebecca did haunt Mrs. Rebecca created a barrier for both Max and Mrs., preventing them from having an actual loving marriage. Mrs. was haunted by not being able to match up to Rebecca in everything she did (the ball, how she handled the house, the schedule, interactions with the servants). Mrs. Danvers was a physical representation of Rebecca’s haunting in her detestable treatment of Mrs.

It’s too bad Mrs. Danvers isn’t being too much of a help to Favell, I thought she would be on his side. Maybe Rebecca just didn’t let her know what was truly going on. Clearly, Danvers thinks she knows more than she does. And Ben was of no help, which I thought he would have been (353).

What does the doctor mean by “it doesn’t do the profession any good if people can treat us like that” (374). I understand people deserve respect but how is hiding your identity as a patient hurting the doctor? Shouldn’t the doctor be more concerned as to why their patient was hiding this information?

The difference in times is so evident. Imagine being told “please help yourself to cigarettes”.

WHAT DID SHE HAVE!! Omgsh why is the author playing with me, I’m literally at the edge of my seat! Originally I thought she was pregnant, now it sounds like cancer (373). If she was pregnant then you could definitely make a case of murder, but it would be harder with a sickness. Sickness would more help the suicide line. I’m so sad to see justice won’t happen.

I had no idea there was a Soho in London (379)! I’ll have to add it to my travel list. Along with the other places I’ve found in literary novels set in the United Kingdom. How funny would it be to recount “Rebecca” at Manderley.

Even after all is said and done, the guilt and Rebecca is still riding over Maxim. And Mrs. de Winter still cannot shake Rebecca out of the picture, Rebecca still has her frantic. Rebecca for the win!! Never thought I’d say it though. The tables have turned and now Mrs. is the one in charge and getting her way (382). However Maxim is getting very worried! (I like that! I need justice to be served!!).

How interesting is that the moment Mrs. hears Maxim killed Rebecca she begins to become bold and demanding. While you’d think she’d be afraid as her husband kilt his ex-wife! Who’s to say she isn’t next? This just shows how little she thinks of Rebecca even though she hasn’t met her. All she cares about is that Maxim hated her and “loves” her, which makes Mrs. better than Rebecca and pets her ego.

Ahhhh, I’m screaming! Imagine your spouse asking you to sleep in the back of the car when there is plenty of money for hotels?!! He asked if you don’t mind if you wrapped up in a rug and tuck in the back?! No sir!

Can you imagine randomly stopping at someone’s garage for some tea at half past 11??! It’s amazing to see the differences of that time versus ours. I doubt people even knock on their neighbor’s door for some flour or sugar, much less tea! And I wonder what the significance of the conversation with the garage man was, especially when he says “summer is over”, definitely got an eerie vibe from the conversation and that comment solidified my assumption along with the nightmares Mrs. was getting (384). I wonder if this is hinting to what will be a sour turning point in the plot, although Mrs. seems to feel this is a positive turning point. With her imagining how she’ll take supreme charge over the household and finally become the good ol’ housewife she’s wanted to be but felt like she wouldn’t live up to Rebecca. So funny to see how happy she is, but how distraught Mr. De Winter is. We’ll see where this goes!

“There is no Happy Valley” (385). If that’s not a foreshadow I don’t know what is! Oops and now she’s dreaming of Rebecca!

Is Manderley on fire (386)?! And what’s the significance on the sun setting on the west? WAIT THAT’S THE END???? THERE IS NO WAY! NO NO NO! I CANNOT ACCEPT THIS! This is not the ending I was hoping for! Why, I don’t even understand. It took me months to finish this book and that’s the conclusion. I know the first chapter basically started at the end, but I’m still shocked! I don’t know what to say, definitely not a traditional ending to a novel. I just don’t feel like it’s over. I’m going to read the beginning of the 1st chapter to see if that helps a little bit. I just had a different view of how the book would end, I guess that explains my shock.

No wonder the 1st chapter ends with “Manderley is no more”, it really is! I guess the house burning also burnt up their past in a sense that they can start a new life with each other. More importantly, Rebecca and her control is dead. But call me mean, I still think they should be locked up. I still have to read the SparkNotes because this just blew my mind.

Concluding Thoughts

It seems as if I have forgotten the entire novel started with the ending. I’m not sure how that could have possibly slipped my mind, most likely due to how long I had put the book down. However, by reading the SparkNotes summary from the beginning, I’m starting to pick up connections from the end of the novel to the beginning. For example, “there is no Happy Valley”, it makes sense that in the dream she couldn’t see Happy Valley, it was pointing to the fact that “Manderley is no more” as it had caught on fire. Also Mrs. Van Hopper was right, Mrs. wasn’t fit to be mistress over Manderley, which is why it being burnt has turned her life around for the better. She couldn’t be the housewife at Manderley because Rebecca would always reign there, even if the entire place were to be redecorated, her presence and memory would not be shaken. All it would take is for one person to say “that’s not how Rebecca did it” for any of that progress to be reversed. Things start to make more sense when you reread with the knowledge you have. Maybe that’s why reading the textbook either before or after lecture is good reinforcement or a tool for better understanding.

So much connecting the dots being done here. When Crawley said Maxim is the last to want to return back to the pass, or how Maxim said the beach gives him bad memories, and that it was a mistake to return back to Manderley. All because he hated his late wife’s guts and then murdered her.

I wonder if I’m the only one who would have preferred to see Rebecca get justice in terms of Mr. de Winter getting caught.

Also what is the reasoning behind gothic novels, or novels written in the past, the first coming to mind “Jane Eyre” and “Persuasion” include a young women falling head over heels to an older man? Was this the norm of society? I feel like it wasn’t as other couples in the novel usually don’t have a big age difference as the main couple do. Now I know I have a personal aversion to age gaps in romantic relationships and back then woman usually got married much younger than what would be accepted in today’s society, but were they really getting married to such older men? And why is this such big trope in literature?

Overall I loved “Rebecca” and would definitely recommend anyone to read it. I can’t wait for my next gothic novel, I’m thinking “Wuthering Heights”? Also should I watch the move adaption of the novel?

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diary-of-a-black-woman · 2 years

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Rebecca, The Beginning

I have always been an avid reader, even as a young child, and I usually enjoyed the books assigned to read during school (expect To Kill A Mockingbird, but that's for another story). However I always associated classical novels with school, which I detest, so I would refuse to read any classic fiction during my spare time. I told my teacher this one day and she encouraged me to not let my dislike of school to bar me from an entire genre of amazing books, to which at the time I completely ignored. I do owe her an apology though, because after reading two classic fictions this year, it's clear she was absolutely right!

The first classical fiction I read this year was "And Then There Were None" by Agatha Christie, but as you can see by the title, that's not the book I'm reviewing today. "Rebecca" by Daphne du Maurier published in 1938, centers an unnamed young woman who just became the second wife to rich man Mr. de Winter, but the ghost of his first wife, Rebecca, lingers and the protagonist tries to find her identity and a way out of Rebecca's shadow.

My favorite genre to read is mystery/thriller (send recommendations pls) so it was not surprise when I stumbled on this mystery romance it went right to the front of my to read list (I deeply apologize to the other 300 books that have been waiting patiently). I first started the novel back in the summer during July, but I got distracted by responsibilities and didn't get to finish until 2 days before 2022. It's not a short read, about 400 pages, but I feel as if the pages moved very fast when I was in the thick of it as the plot really pulls you in.

Anywho, enough intro. Here is my summarized and detailed review..

Summarized Review

5/5 stars!

Rebecca is a tale of a heroine searching to find her identity in the limelight of others, the biggest shadow being the first wife of her now husband Mr. de Winter. I know many second wives, daughters, sons, etc. may relate to this feeling of inferiority to the first. Although Mr. de Winter swept her off her feet and out of the life as a companion, the new wife just couldn’t help but feel she did not return the favor and could never measure up to the status of Rebecca. All in all, I found Rebecca to be a captivating novel, even at work I could not put the book down. The language was beautiful and the diction relates to that of the classic gothic novel. I wish I hadn’t taken such a big break in reading the novel so I could give a better concluding review, but I cannot forget how elated I was when I began reading this book. Definitely a delight to read either while on the train, or on a rainy day. The language and descriptions were beautiful, the suspenseful romantic mystery kept me hooked, and the heroine's quest for an identity within the mix gave the book life and character. This should be one of the required school readings.

Page by Page Review Notes

This section details the real live action notes I took while reading the book..(feel free to use for an essay, just let me know 😁). *Since the protagonist is unnamed, I gifted her the name "Mrs."

Started July 14! I love the language so far, different from all the other books I've read. It exposes me to something new and will hopefully help me grow intellectually. The imagery is beautiful. Gothic novels always have eloquent writing and language. I didn’t even realize it was a gothic novel until I read the summary on SparkNotes (pg 72).

Idk what this young lady is thinking. Is it a gothic trend for young women to marry 40+ year old men??! So similar to Jane Eyre, which I had to read for school, she was also a young women who married an older man who was divorced and had no kids (pg 73). Why do these older men never have previous children? Most likely due to the fact that their children would literally be their wives' age, which would take away from the plot. And Maxim only wants her because she’s young! He’s a predator! (in hindsight I was over exaggerating it, but I'll leave it in the review for accuracy). He’s mentioned it multiple times that she "should never grow old". He hasn’t even said he loves her, bringing obvious suspicions to how he really feels about her. Mrs. is also hilariously paranoid. She burnt the pages in the poem for what?! A bit ominous, foreshadowing later events I bet.

Lots of foreshadowing in the drive up to Manderley. The imagery of the rhododendrons and the trees, Mrs. nervousness, and Mrs. Danvers unwelcoming welcome. I loved the previous language when Mrs. was talking about taking a mental picture, I feel the same way! And the language when she talked about crying in the car: PERFECT (pg 74). This book is so beautifully written, I can feel my mind expanding in knowledge just from one sentence. Everything looks so grim but yet the beginning of the book was nice. As in the couple looked “happy”. Interested to see where this goes. Mrs. Danvers is definitely not happy with the new Mrs. And Mrs. cannot handle her overbearing stare at all (pg 76).

I previously read “And Then There Were None” and I thought the language would be more similar but they are completely different. Christie’s sounded more sophisticatedly modern while Daphne reads more like its time. Not Shakespeare but on the line with Brontë. I wonder why I’ve never seen this book included in the Western canon. It’d be great for a high schooler, the language is lovely and slightly challenging and the story is very engaging. I’ll recommend it to my former English teacher. She had bought me this book but someone stole it unfortunately. I’m glad I’m getting to read it.

Mrs. is starting to feel like a second class person (76). Understandably as she is the second wife, I feel sorry for her. I don’t think she thought this decision through. All she could think about is Manderley and the rich life she will be living. Never once about his first wife, his previous life, nothing!

The younger dog, Jasper, only comes up to Mrs. Very interesting if I remember correctly as Mrs. is the younger wife, younger than everyone really.

The last paragraph on this page was well done, as always. Now that Mrs. had her conversation with Frank she feels much better and less inferior making sense of the “we were out of the dark wooded drive and into the light again” (136). This is something an English teacher would enjoy. I’ve never loved language so much before, I’m actually dissecting diction without a prompt or time clock in front of me! Calling the rhododendrons “brief beauty” and “not lasting very long” was a bit of a foreshadow, maybe (?) (136). Could be talking about the newlywed's future or how Rebecca in the next page was called “the most beautiful creature” ever seen to Frank. I LOVE ITTT!"

The review was getting a tad bit long so I decided to split it into two parts. The second part contains the meat of the story, my reaction to the ending, and connections I've found so check it out!

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diary-of-a-black-woman · 2 years

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Rebecca, The End

Just posted the second part of a detailed review of the classic romance suspense novel, "Rebecca" by Daphne du Maurier. Check it out!

This is my second part of my review of “Rebecca”, don’t forget to read the first part! Now this young lady is CRAZY. She went from a shrivel, shy, can’t do anything by myself to oozing with confidence teetering on ignorant arrogance. First she couldn’t even look at Mrs. Danvers, now she’s telling the workers “I do want I want, I’m Mrs. De Winter” (353). And all she had to do to free herself was…

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diary-of-a-black-woman · 2 years

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Rebecca, The Beginning

Just posted the first part of a detailed review of the classic romance suspense novel, "Rebecca" by Daphne du Maurier. Check it out!

I have always been an avid reader, even as a young child, and I usually enjoyed the books assigned to read during school (expect To Kill A Mockingbird, but that’s for another story). However I always associated classical novels with school, which I detest, so I would refuse to read any classic fiction during my spare time. I told my teacher this one day and she encouraged me to not let my dislike…

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diary-of-a-black-woman · 2 years

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College Freshmen

I have finally exhausted all other means of procrastination and it has led me here. I can't remember the last time I actually sat down to write. I don't remember my format, tone, sentence structure, nothing! This all new to me once again, so here goes to winging it.

Contrary to my title, I am actually not a freshman (at least not anymore). But I never got the chance to put to paper my experience, so hopefully I can recount all that I have experienced.

Where do I begin..

Senior Year Chaos

I think it's only fitting to start at my senior year of high school. Ahh what a wonderful time! (it really wasn't actually). I never had a "dream school", other than the Ivy League dream for mere bragging rights, so I really casted a big net in terms of colleges I applied to. I applied to 20 universities and chose based off the "vibes" of the campus. But my my my here comes trouble. On the 23rd of March 2020, everything shut down. The whole country went on lockdown, but that experience is for another story. Nevertheless, as the country went on lockdown, so did college campuses and my entire school plan.

I am such an indecisive person that it took literal weeks of bad sleeping and being left with no other choice as deadlines had passed, to make a decision. Other than financially, I don't think I made a bad decision. Now to the real meat of the matter, my first two semesters of college.

Due to the pandemic, just like my senior year, I spent my first year mainly laying on my bed. However, in hindsight, I don't think remote learning was all that bad. In fact, I think it was definitely more easier and I haven't felt more of a community than my time online. Students were forced to interact with each other for homework help, (meaning lots of free answers!), as they hadn't been able to make friends who they could ask. This was beyond helpful for me when it came to not only passing, but understanding the course. It was such a great crutch for the transition between high school and college and I wish I still had this tool. The only bad part of online learning is that you have to be very strict in getting work done on your own, which is college in general, but more heightened as you have the ability to watch lectures whenever you want. Whereas in person, watching lectures would be more structured since you are physically in attendance. So people like me who tend to wait until the last minute were in for a rude awakening. That was really my only challenge, watching lectures as if I physically attending them and not waiting until hours before the exam.

At the mention of exams, it reminds of another pro of online learning. Online exams tended to be a bit more lax, where you could use your notes during the exams. Cheating was also easier (but you didn't hear that from me). Professors definitely made their exams more tougher though to make up for it. My bio exams were mainly critical thinking questions so you really had to pay attention to the professors' side comments because it definitely showed up on the exam. I think my other courses were pretty fair in terms of exams. My writing professor made the class much easier by shorting the required length of the final research paper and extending the due dates of assignments. He really just wanted everyone to pass.

My Year in Review

I took intro to biology, chemistry, calculus, and writing course my first semester and then the subsequent to them my second semester. In exchange for writing for my second semester, I took a history course. I enjoyed my first semester bio class, I might even say it was my favorite. Biology has always been my best class and I was also able to make a helpful connection. However, the second semester was a disaster! The professor had horrible reviews, which was alarming to begin with, then his class was solely built around his extremely difficult and hard to understand exams. And don't get me started on how boring his lectures were! I know I hate learning about evolution and the history of plants and animals, but he was really the icing on the cake on making the content an utter snooze fest. He would go on and on about seemingly nothing, and you couldn't really tell if it was going to be on the exam or not (and of course it always was!). I'm not sure how I made it out that class, but thank God I did and unlike Lot's wife, I will never look back!

The first semester of chemistry was okay. The professor was very booming and passionate, and his exams were exactly like the practice exams which was every helpful. His class also had different components to buffer out the exams, including homework where the other lovely students helped out with. The second semester was bad, but manageable. I honestly can't give a good review because I only watched 5 lectures. Just like the previous year, there were so many ways to earn points I just winged it the entire semester. I did have to go into panic mode near the end as I had slacked off a bit too much, but what's new (however I would not recommend!).

The first semester of calculus was amazing! The professor was such a dearest and her office hours were a gold mine! The exams were just like the practice exams and always pretty straightforward. If it is wasn't for the fact that it was math, it would've been my favorite class (sorry math lovers). The students also helped out with the homework portion once again to my adoration. The second semester was much harder, and not really because of the concepts, but more because of the exams. Those questions were made to trick you up unfortunately, other than that it was okay.

The writing course was difficult for me. I know, pretty shocking considering the fact that I have a blog. As you can see, I don't have a very sophisticated style of writing, at least I don't think so. My sentence structures aren't as complex as in the "Scarlett Letter", and my diction isn't as superior as Shakespeare. That was my problem! I kept comparing my writing to what I've read from my peers or from the many novels I've read, and I felt like it didn't measure up. This completely hindered me from admiring writing and reading as an art, but I know better now. The way I write is unique, and it shows who I really am as a person. I love euphemisms and hyperboles because I am a very dramatic and sarcastic person. I don't typically write sophisticatedly not because I'm unintelligent, but that's not how I talk so it's not relatable to me. I've always enjoyed the more simpler things in life, even down to the way I dress. In fact, I used the word simple to describe myself my freshmen year of high school (but my teacher made me change it as she thought it sounded more like I was calling myself stupid). I enjoy that about my writing, and sure I may need a little fine tuning here and there, but I will always make sure my voice comes through in reflection of my personality. No thesaurus for me!

I would describe the history course as rocky. I had so many other elements going on I don't think I was able to give as much attention to the class as I wanted to. History is my favorite course next to biology and I learned a lot of things about Germany that I hadn't before. The class was a treat, along with the professor who was very lenient. He made the two final papers into two detailed outlines and his homework required very minimal effort to do well (thank God!). I feel like the class really tested my ability to take good notes as there were no slides to copy from as I'm used to. The unanimous result was that I definitely need to fine tune my notetaking skills!

That's generally how my first year went, studying last minute in my room and relying on other students for homework answers. I didn't have much of a social life given the fact that I was home and a virus was running around, but I didn't mind that (the former not the latter). My second semester was pretty rough as you might have seen. I just don't think I was fully ready for another semester, I was completely burnout from the first semester. On top of that I got a job that was over an hour away by train that I was not prepared for at all and really messed me up.

But that's all she wrote folks! I am really glad I was finally able to put my thoughts down and I hope you enjoyed my little rendition. Let's hope my sophomore year writeup won't take a year as well!

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